#there is no satisfying these people

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍 #hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well. #obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it. #realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway. #so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct! #and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want... #best case scenario. is what i'm saying. #every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day. #fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :) #aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself. #FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

[giantchasm]

I hope in the next Legends game they isekai one of the Sordward/Shielbert duo so I can see people writing angst and saying stuff like “they separated him from his other half 😭” “he misses his brother 🥺” about the guys who look like this.

#pokemon #i want to see just how insane the extremely weirdly designed minor characters gamefreak can get people invested in are #also yes for the record i understand the train guys (who this is a playful jab at) were already popular before pla but #as someone who never cared about them beforehand this is what seeing their sudden explosion in popularity felt like #give me angst of THESE guys though or i’ll never be satisfied #it’d be too funny

[marblegroves]

A gang of hermits,, a group of hermits,,,, a gaggle of hermits,,,

#a mix of old and new stuff yes yes #something in my monkey brain finds it satisfying when A. people have different colors and B. people are all in one drawing together #ouughh when i was editing the img with all the hermits together it was like MMMMM *chefs kiss* #hermitcraft #hermitcraft fanart #doodlegroves

[clownenergyy]

if i look at this any longer ill need to be locked away please take it from me

(click for better quality, pretty please)

#transformers #transformers fanart #drift transformers #im actually not completely satisfied with how this came out #but ive put way too much time into it to not post it #anyway #peaec and love #dratchet #ratchet transformers #ratchet #drift #this is the most affectionate i can draw two people without exploding take it or leave it #clown draws #digital art #transformers mtmte

[swagginmun]

Chapter 1: Regroup and Rebound Page 61 Your heart races again... Start|| Previous || Next

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid fan comic #lego monkie kid forged faith comic #lego monkie kid - forged faith #lego monkie kid - forged faith comic #lmkff au #lego monkie kid comic #lmk comic #swagginart #seeing people talk abt what I had planned months ago is so satisfying #nyehHEHEHE

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

It's the 2 month anniversary of this blog! Here's all the main MTXT couples to celebrate.

#Poorly drawn MDZS #MDZS #wei wuxian #lan wangji #SVSSS #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #TGCF #xie lian #hua cheng #san lang #Per semi-popular request (people wanted to see the other MXTX characters in my style). I hope you are satisfied #the SVSSS dialogue is a quote from yagrandmapeach's disco elysium comic series (also huge shout out to said artist) #I tried very hard to find the comic so I could link it but alas B*( #lwj and wwx are freak for freak and we know this #and biblically accurate xie lian might get me thrown into the flames but...I'm right. he's ripped. #Not even twunky ripped but full on shredded. #I also fully stand by my hua cheng. He talks up his real form as being 'ohhh so monstrous' just to be....slightly taller with an eye patch? #BOO!!!! I want him to be uncanny!!! I want him lanky and inhuman! #Xie lian deserves to be a monsterfucker!!!!!! It also fully goes with the themes of their relationship so!!! Why not!!! #the TGCF crew doesn't have a text joke because I got rid of it (it was “guys with the same BMI be like:”) #It just didn't fit B*( #'op which of these couples do you like best' #You will have to pin me down and waterboard me for that answer #All this aside!!! thank you guys so much for a wild and beautiful 2 months!

[diurnalvl]

seven years ago, they used to be friends. almost.

1 / 2 / ?

#diurna draws #vox #alastor #staticradio #radiostatic #radiosilence #onewaybroadcast #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #gosh i love doing more complex shading to make fake screencaps it's so satisfying. #sorry for using my personal vox design this is purely self indulgent. hey maybe vox only starts wearing bowties after this #anyways part two is going to be uploaded in a bit my doves <3 #vox made his way through the trapdoor that's why he's initially on his knees #...not any other reason... #he's so danger unaware to alastor going haywire #thing is i feel that during their friendship vox was long used to alastor hurting other people in front of him that it just... #doesn't occur to him that alastor would've ever hurt him in that way. #shame #because it never occured to alastor that vox would cross that line and ruin their friendship. #alastor is somehow desperately angry and desperately sad #and angrier still that vox gets to make him feel that way. #suddenly #alastor feels a pearl of absolute hatred form inside of him #he's never felt so strongly about something in his entire afterlife #if only my shitty little aces could communicate and stop being insane for one second. sigh.

[metukika]

an assortment of doodles for tonight

#i hope this satisfies emimob enjoyers i cant be arssed to give a damn about them sorry #i think hagemon is to teru what hello kitty is to us enlightened real life average people #its to teru what teru is to us. #teru looking at a pocket sized hagemon key chain with a comically big head: i cant believe this is real! /disbelief #reigen arataka #shigeo kageyama #teruki hanazawa #whats her last name? #emi fukami #emimob #terumob #metukikart #mob psycho 100 #mp100

[ozymandien]

oh him? he's just a monk. no he doesn't harbor deep desires of greatness don't worry about it

#zhu my little bug (literally) #he's a praying mantis a cricket a cockroach... #i love her #AND HE HAS DIMPLES #i imagine she's the type to stare a lot at people. and it elicits an interesting reaction in them #with this polite yet knowing almost-smile and her piercing wide eyes #also i know she's described as ugly in the books and i respect that. but i want her to be just a bit alluring in a fucked up way. like #now. this took sooo long. for absolutely no reason #i redid it like 10000 times and still didn't feel 100% satisfied but today i decided to set it free #i hope you guys like it anyway! #:) #zhu chongba #zhu yuanzhang #she who became the sun #he who drowned the world #the radiant emperor #shelley parker chan #fanart #myart

[rithmeres]

bait / hook / line / sinker

#the hunger games #finnick odair #thg #the hunger games fanart #this was a very very weird painting for me. #like i have painted decapitated heads and severed arms and shattered ribs and guts falling out and gallons of blood #and not once have i ever looked up from my work and been disgusted or disturbed by what i’ve painted #but the first day i was working on this one i looked at it and just felt so sick i had to get up and take a shower to get away from it #HE WAS 14 WTF WTF WTF WTF #that is a baby. that is a little kid. turned into a killer and paraded around like a novelty and used like a toy. #but on the whole i am very satisfied with this propaganda piece it's just as beautiful and unsettling as i wanted it to be #ugh my mind. nothing in the composition is overt but all the implications are there #not just the capitol's sexualization and brutalization of children but the fetishization of the districts' labor as well #as my good friend and mutual theworldiswhispering said. #'the hard labor you do is not safe from being romanticized by the people who benefit from it at your expense' #and i think about that every day #wherefore art thou #thg reread #why he so smooth.. just like a shark #[katniss voice] mfs took all my body hair cant have shit in the capitol #i just know tumblr's gonna crunch the quality of these images but i worked on a canvas 4 times larger than the usual size #so a lot of the detail gets lost when i post it. oh well. click for quality i guess #his expression changes when you're far away #far away he looks kind of vacant #close up he's smiling. like the photographer wanted a specific cocky emotion from him and it was there #but when you zoom out there's just a thousand yard stare #i did think about turning these into prints or actual posters but um. i don't think i should do that

[hanadoesstuffwrong]

How the atla fandom thinks the zk fandom is:

How (the majority of) the zk fandom actually is:

A¤ng is a fictional cartoon character guys, and in fiction, being annoying is a greater crime than murder and being interesting/entertaining is a greater virtue than saving the world. Our problem isn't with a fictional thirteen year old, it's with the professional, adult writers who made some very irritating character choices.

#right can we get back to gushing abt fireboy and watergirl now? #zutara #we just want well-written stories and satisfying character arcs #aang is a fun lil guy but they went and engaged in some unintentional character assasination pretty much after the end of s2 #atla #my posts #just to clarify again these people are not real they dont actually have feelings at all in any way cos they are - once again - not real

[regina-del-cielo]

Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but

considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill

Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"

But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.

They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.

It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.

I don't know I just think it's particularly neat

#my ponderings #the old guard #I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game #but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die - #- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message... #it means something #I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie #for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem #especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved #but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic. #and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war) #so it feels useless #and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality #which means they can never know what happens to the people they save #they don't (and can't) have the full picture

[madootles]

no one is more shocked than me about the fact that I’m back into fma a decade later

#fullmetal alchemist #I'm sorry but it holds up..... #I'm talking about FMA 2003 baby #FMA 2003 4EVER #it's so..... #!! #lowkey depressing as hell but still good #edward elric #he's so fun to draw I will be posting more #best proportions he's so petite lolllll #side note the automail was so fun to draw and color #satisfying #fma03 supremacy :-| #I really like how this turned out honestly v happy #art #automail #FMA #hopefully people will see this even tho it's 5 in the morning I was too impatient to wait to post

[skeletoninthemelonland]

"The Exocannis Ressurection"

#been experiencing (seasonal) difficulties to feel satisfied with my art. especially if it's digital #i can't make fanart of other things i enjoy besides fnaf or listen to new music without feeling 'unknown' to it #everything is too much. new stuff becomes overwhelming and discouraging. people might not like it. (IT KEEPS HAPPENING RAGHHH)) #so im breaking the cycle by trying something that i came up with months ago (AGAIN) #as some people might know. the character i drew here is Hunter. and he's my OC #he's from a story i created during the pandemic. it was originally called 'The Other Side' #i got obsessed and started making art. it truly felt like i was part of a huge community. when it was just me in my room #i feel like i said this before. but after Behind The Codes. this story is probably going to be the next thing i'll be working with #starbsart #original character

[synthaphone]

And here's all of the converted Centibytes together! I had to chop the big image I had into pieces because otherwise it gets compressed to hell, lol

#centibytes #my art #i don't have anything meaningful to say really... i'm very happy to have finished all of these #i'm not done with them altogether though- i've got a couple different things i still want to do now that all the colors are done #thanks to everyone who followed along!! #i've been mostly doing these for myself- i find it really satisfying to learn how to match the style and push myself #but it makes me super happy that other people like them too!!!