#then tumblr did a fucky and deleted it all

[xdreamer45x]

Did tumblr put a time limit on how long a post can sit in your “flagged for review” queue?? Cuz I had a few spicy pieces that got dinged during the initial ban wave back in 2018 (which have since been migrated to newgrounds) and I hadn’t really bothered touching them or appealing them via replacing the full works with previews, but all of a sudden I got 5 emails this morning stating posts of mine have been deleted (with ZERO indication what posts were nuked since the provided urls obviously don’t work nor have descriptions in them). It took me sleuthing around my newgrounds where I left the original tumblr links to even see what got deleted =_=

Speaking of newgrounds, did tumblr block direct urls to the site?? All my embedded links on my preview posts still work fine, but the direct link to my profile keeps me on my tumblr page. Also noticed that newgrounds now blocks A-rated content previews unless you’re signed in, but you can still click on the posts to view anyway :\ Something’s definitely fucky, but idk if it’s just this hellsite or both sites are being weird in this regard

[metalmaul]

tried to save this ask as a draft because mobile was being fucky and not letting my keyboard type correctly but then it also didn't let me edit the fucking draft and i accidentally hit the queue button and i couldn't undo that either so i had to delete it so i'm continuing the train of thought i had in this screenshot i don't want to type all that out again

(cotd.) ADHD brain is now looking at this massive growing list and thinking "oh this is going to be time consuming how can I deliver this with no time management skills and wildly dipping attention span?" and I'm still not sure if this is the best solution but i was thinking about making a spotify playlist i can continually add to & link it on here— then on that Tumblr Post i can edit it with time accordingly with links to the polls & a list of the song titles I put on the playlist for anyone who doesn't use spotify...? & I guess I'll pin that post or something for anyone who would care to keep up with it. i don't consider myself the ultimate source of opinion this kind of thing or anything like that but idk it's just fun to do i like sharing & if i saw a similar kind of post somebody else did I would be curious. I'll pin THIS post for now; i doubt i'm going to wind up adding all the recs for the artists I've already reblogged at once but i'll try my best to keep up with doing it when i have the brain to do so. I want to start putting it together but i'm ngl i don't think i have The Spirit to do a lot of it today. then again maybe i will? genuinely i am never sure what the fuck is going to happen at any point in time with my all over the place thought process & motivation. i'm also sorry this is such a long answer without even answering the question yet but this is the blogger you've followed this is it ^ this

EDIT: okay for right now I'm just gonna put the link here I started making the playlist but as I suspected I got burnt out and I'll have to continue it later. I've decided to do two songs each. I'm going to make a separate nicer looking post for this later

#i'm so pissed off & sorry that the ask itself got destroyed & i had to do this around the bush posting of it #anyhow. i need some brainfood & perhaps a moment where i can successfully wrangle the ideas in my head god willing

[aro-culture-is]

Advice please: Okay this is kind of not aro related but is at the same time. My buddy is biromantic demibisexual. A while back I asked on tumblr any suggestions to abbreviate since she wanted to. I just got an anon ask related to it. Anon said my friend has internalized homophobia b/c she "can f*** a girl but not fall in love with her." I am livid. I am trying to create a response to this to explain that, no, this isn't internalized biphobia. I think this could be similar to aphobia. Yknow, ppl that say you cant be aroallo or alloace, that your attractions have to line up. Do you think that is a solid connection? That I can reference in my response?

[empty paragraph in case tumblr eats it]

* heteroromantic demibisexual, as corrected in a PM

so, I’m going to be totally honest. I think there’s a few ways I would handle this, and I suspect they don’t line up very well with what your instinct seems to be here. after being on tumblr for the last 8 years, I can tell you right now that this anon ask was sent by a terf(/whatever term they think makes them somehow better) who has no interest in listening to anything you say. they want you to be mad. they want you to be upset. they don’t care about your opinion - they want to hurt your feelings and make it scary for others to talk about that.

and in that case, that bad faith ask? the best option I’ve ever learned to use is to never ever respond to them directly. in fact, I’ve learned through this blog to be careful. To hold my temper, wait perhaps a week - then, if I think it’s something where someone who follows me needs to hear it (never the anon), I’ll write a post separate of the ask. I won’t say their points for them, or let them use me to broadcast them.

if you still feel like responding, in your case, as it is specifically about a friend, I’d suggest talking to her about if she even wants you to respond. personally, if someone wrote up a message to one of my friends like that, I wouldn’t want them to respond. I’d want them to block and delete the ask. I’d want, if they did anything, for them to passive-aggressively reblog positive things about my identities, but not community discussions so that they don’t go after others. If your friend feels differently, take their lead.

This ask isn’t about you. It’s about how much harm this bad faith asker can cause through you. Who they can force to see their words. Who they can make feel worse about themself, and who they can make afraid to talk about their identity. and, if they can force them back into the closet so that these bad faith anons feel better pretending the world works how they want it to work.

- mod kee

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #advice #arophobia #transphobia ment #alloarophobia #anyways this was shockingly easy to write. #then tumblr did a fucky and deleted it all #the good thing was i'd screenshotted it for a second opinion #so i just retyped it #anyways though #i just super super don't think it's worth your time and energy to respond directly #experience is that it's neither satisfying to you nor effective in helping others #also if it feels mollifying to know #imagine sending bait like that and then the person never responds #they're now the one down on energy and time instead of you #Anonymous #text

[lemonhobgoblin]

Harvest Moon

Bo Sinclair x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Length- 3K

A/N: I had this done but then Tumblr did a fucky wucky and deleted my post, might re-edit this at some point; but rn I just want this out of my drafts. So hopefully you enjoy what I manage to salvage and fix.

Leaves and gravel crunching together beneath Bo's feet, with a chorus of toads croaking, the shrill and chirps of cicadas and crickets resounding through on this humid summer night. All the while the stars shining overhead, splattered all over the night skies with the full moon’s rays illuminating the land with a blueish silver sheen, hitting against the jagged protruding surface that was caught within the light’s path.

It has been an exhausting day for Bo, with a new batch of victims driving into town with 'unfortunate' car issues and Bo doing what Bo does best. Flashing that sweet southern hospitality, coming to their aid, and utilizing his charismatic personality to gain their trust. Smirking and smiling that world-famous toothy grin, putting on an elaborate show to conceal his murderous intentions that laid shrouded beneath the curtains of their quiet small town of Ambrose.

Alas, Bo and Vincent had encountered some difficulties with the visitors. Like any other normal human wanting to stay alive. There was some kicking and screaming, and it wouldn't be a fight for survival without a good old fashion chase. It wasn't anything they couldn't handle, but to say the least, their victims did put up a good fight. Unfortunately, not good enough. As they were hunted and dragged into Vincent’s workstation to be worked on and added to their array of wax figures.

Admittedly that didn't leave Bo without a few deep gashes and bruises, he knew he would be sore in the following morning. And not wanting to hear mouthfuls from you about getting blood on the sheets, Bo locked himself in his gas station to mend himself until he made the rest of the way home. Wanting nothing more than to relax with a cold beer, before heading off to bed with you.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his damp hair slicking it back with ease. A slight breeze brushing past his exposed neck offering remedy to his sweat-covered skin.

The shared home where he resided with you was in full view. He should have felt alleviated at the fact he was finally home. But he saw someone seated near the front door overlooking the yard looking straight ahead at him, and a faint voice being spoken aloud. Did he miss a person?

Drawing out his pocket knife, he continued his pace toward the person, a thousand questions running through his head. Did they do anything to you? Did you manage to get far away? Or were you somewhere inside in a pool of your blood? His jaw clenched at the thought as his knuckles whitened around the handle of the blade.

"Welcome home sweetheart." you greeted warmly, revealing to Bo that it was only you, before taking a quick slug of your beer. The voice he heard came from a radio near you finishing off a tune before cutting to a commercial.

Silently cursing at you for giving him one hell of a scare. He placed the knife back into his pocket.

Aggravated, Bo marched towards you, grabbing the bottle from your grasp with no resistance, he took a quick swig.

"Shouldn't you be in bed by now?" Bo questioned, crossing his arms over his chest, with a displeased look in his eyes.

"I thought about it, but I really wanted to see you come home safe and sound," you replied nonchalantly.

"I always come back in one piece” Raising his arms from his sides, showing he was in good shape, going as far as doing a quick whirl showing he was fine before dropping his arms back to his sides. “See no need to worry, I can take care myself."

"I know you can, but it doesn't stop me from worrying about your safety." You’ve know he can take care of himself in more ways than one. Hell, you’ve seen him go full-on berserk the moment he saw a victim trying to run into your home as a place to hide. And what a mistake that was. That was the most brutal you have ever seen Bo. But even he if is capable, it’s still doesn’t hide the range of injuries Bo always acquired from their lovely visitors.

"How long were you out here?" His eye locked on you, staring dagger into you.

"The moment I heard what I assumed was the last blood-curdling scream of the night."

"What I tell you when we have visitors."

"To stay inside till you give the all-clear." You said looking away from him, you already knew where this conversation was going.

"And whaddya do instead?" he continued to press.

"Came out” you sighed, “Bo, I can handle myself, what's the point of giving me this then?" Revealing a revolver from under your seat showing it to him.

"Like hell, you can. What if something bad happens to you and that gun doesn't do you shit." His voice rising with each word that spilled from his mouth. You understood, where he was going with all this, but you were still more capable of taking care of yourself. You haven’t seen if you can yet, but if needed, you sure as hell will try to. And he was clearly about to go off on a tangent, not wanting the night to sour, and Bo to stress out, even more, you tried to put a cease to this.

"Bo."

"That gun is a last resort if you got cornered!"

"Bo."

"What you did was fucking stupid as hell, making yourself an open target!”

"Bo."

"What!"

"Please, I don't want to get into this right now. I just want to relax and you're welcome to join me if you like. If you do, I would appreciate it very much. Please." Taking his unoccupied hand within your own hands.

He withdrew his hand, chugging down the remaining alcohol, before heading inside the shared home, the door swinging shut behind him. On the outside you heard his heavy footsteps stomping around, you could hear his muffled curses and rants. My, you knew he was loud, but you didn’t realize he was this loud. Shaking your head at the little fit he was having inside the home, it wasn’t long till you burst into a fit of laughter when you heard what sounded like him knocking over something and spitting more profanities. Hearing his approaching footfalls near the entrance, you tried to stifle your laughs from escaping.

“What are you laughing at?” Bo sneered, having another cold beer in hand.

Clearing your throat, you mumbled a quick “Nothing.” as you smiled warmly at him. He shook his head at you in disagreement as he turned his attention out toward the yard. Not speaking a word to one another, the both of you just stared off into the distance.

The radio you had next to you shifted out from the ads and back to playing music. A string of guitar chords playing out on the stereo, an upbeat tune that was slow and smooth. The notes lifting and carrying your mind, elevating your current mood, and conjuring up a daydream. A daydream that you could make into reality with the simple part of your lips and hope that Bo would be voluntary to your simple request. Internally praying this would put him in good mood and this would make up for what you did.

You leaned over in your seat toward Bo. “Could you do me the honor of a dance?”

“What are you going off about?” Not catching what you said to him. Visibly irritated from what happened earlier, as he avoided looking in your direction.

“A dance?” you repeated.

He rolled his eyes thinking this was some sort of game you were playing at. One moment the air was clouded with tension, and now this, you were something. But the moment he looked your way, you had an eager look to you almost like a pleading little puppy. Damn, he couldn’t say no to that, but he wasn’t going to relent that easily. “You’re bullshitting me.”

Standing from your seat you held a hand out for him to grab if he was willing to take it. “Then humor me then.”

Rolling his eyes, he put his beer to the side and bitched to himself before taking your soft hand in his rough callous hand. "You're lucky you're cute." Annoyed but amused by your harmless gesture, telling you he was just going to humor you but you knew better.

Drawing you in, he hooked an arm around your waist bringing you closer as you wrapped an arm around his neck. While you lead with your other hand that was still clasped together with his, after sensing Bo's reluctance. And it didn't take long till Bo took lead, not wanting to be led around like a dainty little thing. You could only smile to yourself, knowing if you mentioned it or laughed about it, he would put a full stop to all this.

You both swayed and circled in a slow rhythmic tempo. It was nice stepping along to every note of the melodic air under the faint pale moonlight in each other’s arms. And yet, you couldn't shake Bo's earlier outburst. Incapable of treating his burst of anger like it was nothing. You felt compelled to further explain yourself to Bo to clear the air. You were always taught to never go to bed mad and talk things out. And that's what you were going to do.

“Bo?”

“What is it now?”

"The reason I was out tonight was because..." you trailed feeling initial confidence beginning to slip.

"Was because?" he repeated, waiting for you to explain yourself.

"It was because I was scared," you confessed.

“Scared? What’s gettin’ ya scared?”

Clenching at the back of his shirt. Hiding your face away from him. “You, whenever you walk out the front door. I can’t help but think that would be the last time I see you,” Your step began to lessen, your movements beginning to still, this in turn nearly bringing Bo to a halt. Your grip on Bo’s hand stiffened, the fear that has been plagued your mind for many nights taunted you as it would be brought to light in one night. “That one day there is gonna be some visitors that’s gonna get the upper hand on you and I wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to you."

Taken aback by what you said, he never realized that you shared the same fear as he held with you. With him, it was the dread of you getting caught in the middle of his murder spree. Completely oblivious to the anxiety that resided within you. He knew you always fussed over him, whenever he came home, and he always played it off like it wasn't a big deal; believing it you were acting motherly toward him, he did appreciate your concern, but he never looked deeper into it. All he wanted was for you to stay out of harm's way, that's why he barked at you for being out. Damn, he felt like shit.

"Hey, darling look at me nothing bad like that is gonna happen, and ain't nothing bad happened now. I'm here with you see, they ain’t no match for me.” Peering up at him, seeing that cocksure smirk of his. You snorted, thumping your head back against his chest.

"That cockiness is what gonna be the end of you." You deadpanned, starting back up with the steps.

"Well, this cockiness got me this far right and your attention when we first." He retorted.

"That and you chased me around town with your shotgun."

"You warmed up to me when I'll let ya live."

You leaned back and with a dumbfounded look, "You mean you warmed up to me, I remember you being extremely grumpy and stern with me when you let me live. And if I'm not mistaken, Lester convinced you to let me off after I made a good impression with him. Pretty sure you also wanted to keep me for yourself in the first place didn't you."

"Aw shut up, that’s not how remembered it." he pulled you back into his chest, smiling as you giggled at him.

He knew you were right. Only felt like yesterday when you rolled into town, you were going cross country for some personal road trip. And you just happen to stumble upon this dead town. Like any other visitor, you were given the same treatment and routine the Sinclair's recounted many times. The only hitch was you Lester got chummy with one another in a cinch, acting as if you knew each other all your life. That was enough for Lester to convince Bo to let you live as a fresh face in town but on Bo’s condition that you stay and not get in his way.

And it would be weeks before you considered Lester and Vincent as actual friends, but it would be much longer for the man before you. Then another few months or so that you became his partner. How that happened with this hot-blooded man was a different story altogether, but you were patient and adamant with him in short. And Bo couldn't be more grateful for you and for not killing you off. How much he cares about is an understatement, but he would never say it out loud.

"You think that way, but that's what happened," you smirked, getting the last say. He pinched your butt, making you jump in surprise. Bo snickered at your little reaction, getting in his version of his final say, which made you lightly slapped the back of his head feigning disapproval of his actions. You readjusted yourself, linking both arms around his neck, making Bo taking his free hand down to your waist, bringing you in closer to him. You felt absolutely relieved that you got that weight off your chest and seeing his anger subside.

When we were strangers

I watched you from afar

When we were lovers

I loved you with all my heart

"Don't go around blabbing any of this to the others." He remarked.

"I would never." You lied, willing to pay the price for telling his brothers about how much of a softy he was. “And you shouldn't tease me about this later." you reciprocated.

"Wouldn't dream of it darlin'," he promised, but you knew full he was going to mercilessly poke you about this later. But right now, he was genuinely enjoying this quiet moment with you.

“We should do something like this again sometime.” toying with the ends of his hair.

“Like hell, we will, you’re gonna have to convince me otherwise.” He snorted; he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Whereas deep down, he secretly would do this again, but you were going to have to initiate it. He wouldn’t be caught dead begging for more like this, probably once in a blue moon. Sinking his hands down to your rump, giving you a generous grope. “Only if we do my idea fun.” he breathed into your ear.

Shivering from his hot breath, you tugged his hair back as you leaned upon him. “And how can I pass up on that.” you purred.

He grinned in response, but right now he wanted nothing more than to unwind with you. Releasing you from his arms, dipping down to grab his beer before taking your chair “Let me take a seat.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tap out sooner.” You poked.

“You asking to be sent straight to bed sweetheart.” He humored you already so humor him by sitting down with him. Moving your hand to signal that you were zipping your mouth shut and tossing an imaginary key carelessly away.

“Thought so.” He patted his leg for you to sit, and you graciously accepted his invitation; seating yourself across his lap, your legs swinging over the side. Bo sighed, bringing you closer toward him with one arm. Resting it on your thigh, to secure you in place as he rubbed small circles into your outer thigh with the pad of his thumb. “Happy now?”

“Absolutely. You?” you breathed out in utter content. Nestling your head under his chin.

“Would’ve better if we waltzed our way in the bedroom and I show you a few moves or two.” He joked. As much as he would have loved to end the night with a bang. You were both too tired to act on it and why stop this tender moment. He would most likely act upon his sexual desire in the morning.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked, noticing how your eyes were rested close.

"Not yet." Peeking an eye open, you countered the question. Also noticing how his eyelids were beginning to droop. You fluttered your eyes once more. "You ready for bed?"

"Just until I finish all this." Bo swished the remaining contents of his bottle.

"(Y/n)?" he breathed out.

You hummed in response

"I love you," he said, burying a kiss on the top of your head.

"I love you too." you returned the gesture, sliding a hand to cheek so you could give him a peck on his chin. He adjusted himself giving you better access to his lip for a proper kiss, he wasn’t settling for a peck. The kiss wasn’t rough but a surprisingly chaste and sweet kiss. Pulling away you rested your foreheads against one another.

“I’m sorry about earlier, you know me being out,” you whispered.

“We just kissed and made up, darlin’. So shut that pretty little mouth of yours.” As much as Bo wanted to apologize for his actions and confess his reasoning for lashing out at you. He wanted nothing more but to savor this time together. Bo grabbed your head, resting it securely back on his chest. Hearing his heart beating rhythmically within his chest almost going in time with the melody.

Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon

You both sat there for the remainder of the song letting it play out to the end, as you both took in everything and enjoying each other’s company for as long as the world was willing to have it. For you, both knew that you would be each other side through thick and thin to the very end.

#bo sinclair #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x reader #house of wax #slasher x reader #slasher x you #slasher imagines #slasher fandom #reader insert #reader fanfiction #horror fanfic

[just-here-for-the-moment]

I miss my mutuals!! My Tumblr is still busted...

Since Tumblr is now in its 2nd 3rd 4th goddamn day of being fucky, please contact me at the Google Form below and I can email you back! :D

I've logged off and cleared my cache twice, and tried Tumblr in 3 different browsers (Chrome and Microsoft Edge on laptop, Chrome and Safari on iphone). I've also deleted and re-installed the Tumblr iphone app twice three times, and no improvement... it's clearly just my account, and that feels personal somehow...

Here's what's "wrong" with my Tumblr for the past 60 almost 72 91 hours:

I don't have DMs, at all, the icon won't even open. Dead link. Fill out the Google form below and I'll email you back!

My "Asks" and my ability to "Ask" you are dead. Half the time I go to someone's dash and click "Ask" and it kicks me back to my dash. The other half, it lets me type and submit the "Ask" but it doesn't seem to actually go through (although I did have one person tell me they got my ask, so IDK)

I can blog and reblog from my dash, and when I @ someone in a post it seems to get to them about half the time

I can't respond in Notes on any posts, at ALL. Mine, yours, someone else's... nada.

When I reblog your post, it doesn't show up in your Notes as a reblog

When I @ someone in the Notes section and hit "send" it just... *poof* disappears

When you @ me in notes I can’t see it ☹️

When you @ me in posts, I can't see it ☹️

My activity feed is basically only showing me replies and reblogs

I'm going to send have already sent a 3rd tech support ticket,

I HAVE RESORTED TO TWEETING TUMBLR AFTER SENDING 2 HELP TICKETS AND AN EMAIL BACK TO THE HELP TICKET

I really, REALLY miss interacting with y'all via DMs and @s.

Please fill out my Google form and I'll email you back! :)

https://forms.gle/Duzio4fbJcr7m7Fc6

#shit’s fucked yo #I miss my mutuals!! #tumblr is borked right now so i’m here i’m just cut off from you!

[yostresswritinggirl]

1. the incorrect quotes were fRICKIN ACCURATE AS HELL?? I love them sm ty to the person who made those!

2. Did...part of my Minthe message not go thru?? I had a small about section of them before their dynamic with Cyno, not sure if it got deleted in transit or sent as a separate message. regardless ty for the feedback!! I’ll throw some more content your way soon, I don’t wanna bombard you after all haha

-💠

YES THEY'RE VIBING WITH THE ANONS TOO, I'M GLAD

That's all it showed up to, oh no, how did tumblr go fucky wucky again :((

#anon 💠 #exile.goblet #exiled community

[artemidian]

(if u saw my accidental 2 reblogs im sorry my tumblr was being whacky)

just wanna say your writing is phenomenal, and some of the most moving stuff i’ve ever read. i can’t wait to read more - @pinkandblueblurbs

((i did see but i will pretend i didn’t, and tumblr is fucky all the time so you’re all good!! ))

i say that and now tumblr is going to turn my blog into a pigeon or delete all my drafts just watch

thank you, thank you, thank you for the compliments. as someone who struggles somewhat sharing my work, hearing that people like it and that they want to read more of it? it genuinely makes my day and leaves me grinning like a fool <3

i wasn’t even sure if anyone would read the marietta fic because. yknow a 3k word marietta fic isn’t what anyone plans on reading (or that i even planned on writing), but seeing reactions to it? oh my goodness i feel so proud idk why but it’s just like: i. did. That? :0 so just thank you again-

#i feel a bit silly saying thank you so many times #but what else can i say #because really i am just so so thankful #it’s just the most motivating thing and i just !!! #also i know that i never interact with smut on this blog just bc #but i have read your ced blurb and holy hell #i remember that one #one of the only jealousy type fics i’ve read that didn’t make me uncomfy

[diavoblo]

Obey Me! Boys As Hozier Songs/Quotes Bc..... Yes

(so I actually had little explanations for each quote and everything and it was all a bit more in depth UNTIL tumblr got fucky and deleted everything so it’s a bit shorter but! I tried my best <3)

1. Lucifer- Talk

“I won’t deny I’ve got in my mind now all the things I would do, so I try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I’m imagining you”

“Before he feels alone one final time and marries the sea; Imagine being loved by me”

2. Mammon- It Will Come Back

“Don’t let it in with no intention to keep it, Jesus Christ! Don’t be kind to it; Honey, don’t feed it, it will come back”

“I know who I am when I’m alone, I’m something else when I see you; You don’t understand, you should never know how easy you are to need”

3. Leviathan- To Be Alone

“All I’ve ever done is hide from our times, when you’re near me; Honey when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes I feel like a person for a moment of my life”

“It feels good, girl, it feels good to be alone with you”

4. Satan- NFWMB

“If I were born as a blackthorn tree, I’d wanna be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies”

“Ain’t it warming you, the world gone up in flames? Ain’t it the life of you, your lighting of the blaze?”

5. Asmodeus- Nobody

“I’ve been fed gold by sweet fools in Abu Dhabi, and I’ve danced real slow with Rockettes on dodgy molly”

“I’d be appalled if I saw you ever try to be a saint; I wouldn’t fall for someone I thought couldn’t misbehave”

6. Beelzebub- Work Song

“I just think about my baby, I’m so full of love I could barely eat. There’s nothing sweeter than my baby; I’d never want once from the cherry tree, cause my baby’s sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissing me”

“But I swear I thought I dreamed her- she never asked me once about the wrong I did”

7. Belphegor- From Eden

“Babe, there’s something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don’t you agree? Babe, there’s something so lonesome about you, something so wholesome about you, get closer to me”

“Honey, you’re familiar like my mirror years ago; Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword. Innocence died screaming; honey, ask me, I should know, I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door”

#hozier #hozier quotes #obey me swd #lucifer obey me #lucifer #obey me! #mammon obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #asmodeus obey me #beelzebub obey me #belphegor obey me #text posts #obey me quotes #asmodayeveryday

[helldaughter]

so here’s what fucking happened to me thanks to tumblr’s magnificent, impeccable, flawless beta testing @staff 

i use a desktop app called sessionbox. sound familiar? that’s what i used to monitor my around 50 or so different blogs. at least before i had to delete sessionbox from my desktop. i made a new blog a few hours ago and tumblr asked me to be a beta tester. i didn’t see the harm in it. so i did. i flipped that coy little switch and suddenly every aspect of my blog goes fucky. but not just the one blog. every blog acted this way, included sessionbox itself which became increasingly problematic as i tried to sort things out. 

long story short, i lost around 50 different logins for blogs all owned by me, and am pretty damn livid because tumblr dont know how to code, dont know how to format, tumblr dont even know when to not beta test when they aint even in fucking gamma over here. like fuck, 50 blogs tumblr. 50 logins in that i didn’t think i would have to memorize thanks to good ol session box. now i have to rely on incognito windows to browse tumblr like i used to, because sessionbox is a dead ass app. 

#im sorry but #im still shaking #there is so much rage and contempt in my body that i could piss acid #i was just having a good time making a blog for an oc #and suddenly my night and my rp career are ruined

[halfbakedservant]

Hiatus!

Hi! So I’ve been doing some thinking and I think I need to take a brief hiatus! I’ll probably be back within 3-5 days.

I will respond to roleplays when I get back though, so don’t consider them dropped!

Reasons why will be under the cut since they’re negative!

Okay so... The reason I need this hiatus is because my depression and envious nature is getting to me again. It’s making me think things that I really don’t want to think. Like, I feel like I don’t really fit in here. I love everyone here, but I don’t really feel like I’m part of the group, I feel like I’m an outsider who is welcome, but not part of the group. Think Anakin who was put on the council but not considered a Jedi Master.

Which of course isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. I’ve made some friends here, but not like... friend friends, if you get me? Everyone else here seems to get along both on and off tumblr. Like I believe there are a few discord servers out there where you guys all get along and whenever I offered my discord to people, people didn’t really want it (well, two of you did, which I definitely appreciate!). Again, this is only my fault. I have severe social anxiety and I have a lot of trust issues due to past events, so trying to bring myself closer to people is... difficult to say the least.

TBH, there have been numerous times I’ve hovered over the “Delete Blog” button, because I’ve been so tempted to abandon ship so many times. I don’t want to, but I really get the urge to do it a lot.

I really hate that I feel this way because everyone here is so nice and cool. Though I do think there are a couple of people here who don’t like me, which, y’know is fair, you can’t like everyone. But it could also just be my anxiety telling me they don’t. Who knows really. I get these gut feelings from time to time that people don’t like me and it’s usually the case. But like I said, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve just found it hard to actually make a good connection here with anyone. Usually by now I’ve been able to build some relationships with people in a fandom. I met some of my friends through the Neptunia fandom, but I met my best friends in the Love Live fandom. By this I mean I talk to people from these fandoms regularly off of tumblr, especially the Love Live friends I made.

I think everyone here is fantastic though, and I really, really would love to get to know you guys a lot better and actually make some good friends. Because out of all fandoms, the Touhou fandom and the Neptunia fandom have been the kindest.

I just think I should take a step back for a while. I don’t have many people I can vent to, and those that I could, aren’t roleplayers so I don’t think they’d really understand where I’m coming from. So I think taking a break and really thinking about this whole thing alone is something I need to do.

I’ll likely be back within 3-5 days, but I could end up not coming back if my brain just keeps being fucky with me.

Hope everyone understands!

#ooc #i queued this #so it'd post while im in bed

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @marvelmom for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about her, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

A woman never tells her (fanfic) age ;)

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I can't honestly say that I prefer one over the other since I've never written a fic for an OC.  I guess my style of writing is better suited to allowing readers to insert themselves into the narrative. I like the challenge of writing a character that allows the reader to flesh out in their own image but still have some substance on their own within the story.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Is smut considered a genre? LOL.  Seriously though, I love humour so you'll find most of my stories have an underlying comedic thread.  I have a really dark sense of humour and I'm sarcastic af so I love when people respond favourably to it in my writing.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Wow, this is a really good question!  I think it would probably be the very first fic I wrote called "Marked."  I wrote it for a friend when I was deep in the Cumberbatch fandom.  She was complaining about the lack of Khan fics so I wrote one for her.  It's on Ao3 and every now and then I get a kudo and I cringe.  The writing seems so basic and stilted compared to my newer works.  If anything it shows how much I'm improving.

5) When is your preferred time to write? 

I find I do my best work late at night.  I'm a single mom with a full time job and busy teenagers so I don't usually get to sit down at my computer until after 11pm.  I love being able to leave the day behind and just focus on my writing without any interruptions.  I typically go until 2am.  It's a little crazy but writing relaxes me and helps me sleep better.  And it inspires some really great dreams ;)

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Most my inspiration comes from real life, my experiences and passions like music, film and literature.  I like to daydream and I find I'm constantly having conversations with characters or constructing scenes in my head.  I'm a little crazy I guess lol

7) What’s your favorite scene that you’ve written?

Another great question...let me think.  I have one in my head that I haven't written yet that I know will eventually be my favourite but at this very moment it's the scene in Chapter 10 of The Contest where Bucky and the reader are dancing in the antique store and they finally kiss. It was the very first scene that came to me when I started to think about this story and to finally get to write it was incredible.  But man did I stress over it...I wanted it to be perfect.  Exactly like I had pictured it in my head.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Hasn't happened yet.  I'm very stubborn and it would take a lot for me to deviate from the vision I have playing in my head. My muse won't let me rest until I've captured a scene note for note on paper.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Bucky!  I can't seem to get him out of my head.  For me, Bucky is the most fascinating character in the MCU.  His story arc has brought him from one end of the spectrum to the other and back again in so many facets and I love exploring these layers of his personality,

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Thor but only because I stress over his speech patterns when I'm writing his dialogue.  I want to make sure I'm doing his character justice and capturing him accurately on paper.

11) How do you come up with the titles for your stories?

For one shots, I usually wait until I'm done and then riff on a major theme in the story or what inspired my to write it in the first place. The title for "The Contest" series came from the Seinfeld episode of the same name that inspired the story.

12) What do you think is the best idea you’ve had for a story so far?

Considering that The Contest is my very first Bucky fic (and series) I would have to say this is my best story idea so far.  More to come I hope ;)

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Thankfully none yet!  I find that when story pops into my head I can't move on until I get it down on paper and out in the wild.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I get a lot of requests for part 2 of "Three Creams, No Sugar".  Everyone wants that shower scene ;)

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Yes, Infinity War. Oh wait....do you mean one of mine?

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Oh wow, there are so many incredible writers in this fandom that it's hard to pick just a few.  I'm grateful to have fallen in with amazing writers such as @evansrogerskitten, @Thewife101 and @avenger-nerd-mom on Twitter.  Their support and guidance are the reasons I gathered up the courage to start posting my fics on Tumblr.

Writers like @unicorns-and-fairy-dust-blog own my emotional ass....Dre is the master of angst.  I love the wit and humour in  @tilltheendwillIwrite 's stories - I think it's a Canadian thing born out of bitter cold winters and ketchup chips.  @lovelynemesis has such a great style of writing, very flowing and descriptive.  The depth of talented creators in this fandom is insane.  There are just too many to mention!

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Definitely "Marked"

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Complete silence.  If I have music or Netflix playing I start to daydream and boom, a whole new story.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Not while writing but as I listened to a song and imagined a Bucky one shot to the words.  I was ugly crying by the end.  I may get around to writing it one day..

20) Which part of your fics have been the hardest to write?

I would say the first few starting paragraphs of a new story or chapter.  I take way too long with the beginning sections.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I pretty much have the whole story plotted out before I get started. "The Contest" has been in my head from beginning to end for over a year now.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

I wish I had known about Tumblr to be honest.  It's a great outlet for fanfic and the source of so much inspiration and support.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I'm always in awe of the fact that people want to read my stories period so I appreciate every single note, comment and message whether it's 4 or 400 :)

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?   

I'm always in awe of the fact that people want to read my stories period so I appreciate every single note, comment and message whether it's 4 or 400 :)

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Not so much characters but personality traits.  I find that I project my style of humour and sarcasm (plus my lack of filter) onto characters all the time.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

I must be the slowest writer in this fandom.  I seriously don't know how you all put up with me.  I've had so many incredible compliments but it always amazes me to hear readers tell me that a new chapter was worth the wait.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten? 

One that really stands out is someone telling me that I was going to lose all my followers if I didn't update my fics faster.  That one really hurt because like most writers here, I really beat myself up knowing that I can't turn around stories or chapters as quickly as I would like.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I have a few writers here that I talk to regularly and we feel comfortable enough to share our ideas.  Some of my favourite messages have been from other writers wanting to talk through an idea or ask for some help with a scene or ask for some help with a scene or some dialogue.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction? 

Aside from a few twitter mutuals I have met, no one in my "real life" knows I write fanfic. Though I think my kids may have their suspicions...I have a writing degree and my friends and family are always telling me that I should write more.  If they only knew LOL

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

I can't tell you because they are about to make an appearance in the next chapter of "The Contest" and I'm excited to write their scene.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process? 

The incredible feedback and messages I get from readers like you (I live for your chapter summaries....seriously), pictures of Sebastian Stan, reading all the amazing fanfic out there, Bucky's thighs, Marvel, eating chocolate....eating chocolate off of Bucky's thighs.... (Need to add that to my list of future fics)

32) What’s your favorite trope to write? 

Definitely slowburns.  I love the flirting, the teasing, the witty dialogue as the sexual tension builds....it's delicious.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

This is going to date me....please no judgment.  It was a 'NSYNC fic. Wish I could remember the name but it was a JC x reader.  I was obsessed with JC back in the day...ok, stop laughing.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

SMUT with my fucky Bucky and my side boo Sebby ;)

#milestone celebration #ask the author #marvelmom

[infinitd]

Guilty

This is the last one. I’m already hovering the delete button but I have to type this one out first. It’s been sitting stewing and now festering in the back of my mind for way too long now. I’m guilty of way too much all at the same time and all of them with the singular cause that is me. Maybe this blog is public in that secret shared way some thigns get and the whole squad has BEEN reading it and trying to give healing and support in their own way without really knowing. lol. NOT. Well.... Where to even begin? Weed? Lix? Lovers? Parents? Brain? Siblings? Art? Pretty cool how they present themselves like that once you open the double bolted, extra secured walled off and guarded door. So lets do the order they’re already in.  Weed Is great and now it gives me anxiety and mild panic attacks. I get so paranoid I feel like the whole world is watching me and even now the primary craving is for fucking nicotine of all things and the association built between the 2 are too strong to break. Not that it would even be useful to. Weeds usefullness has run its course in my life and a dependancy I have spent the better part of a decade now has to go unsatisfied with a complete reversion to sobriety because alcohol was gotten over LONG ago. I’m still tending towards bingeing behaviour with that but its almsot always a reaction rather than an actual desire to get fuucked up. No more high nights floating just under my ceiling . Hours and hours of dota and that most NEET night time routines. No more weed first thing at parties or braais and hanging with friends too stoned to converse or just talking about weed like its the only thing in my life. Prepare for a million comments on how different I am and a tacit understanding that I probably wanna get high until everyone gets used to the idea of me just being and then aggresively EXISTING again. Along with all the negative attention that comes with that I have completely lost understanding and connection with. Well that’s weed I guess (Shit i got distracted and Imma have to read all this shit again )

Lix

 The bestie thing is all fucked up and my (probably correct) suspicion is that he’s just good old tired of me. I nthat friend way. There is literally no value to my friendship. Not even material and he’s unemployed at the moment so you know it’s bad. That last cash send felt like paying rent on a friendship and I figure he must have also felt pretty gross taking it even though he needed it. Lol I wont be doing that again.I’m just intellectually and emotionally inferior at the moment, Fuck the complex. It’s just faxx now. The other one is at least figureing out (bizarre and mildly fucked up) shit for himself but Stormu no Kyodai really is just about over now. The bands broken up and all those successful bands breakups make sense now. You’ve just drawn every but of moisture and goodness out of a thing and it gets husky and weird to keep tending to it. I haven’t been a decent human being never mind friend for so long that I completely udnerstand and agree with how I’m being handled. It doesn’t even hurt that bad. It’s just weird and awkward for everyone involved and it does me no good to be catching shots. especialyl when i’m not really doing anything about it then and there. It’s only ever fun if I have a reply and this time I don’t. not even a little one. Just weak allusions to “progress” when it’s just good old fashioned laziness now. So this I deserve and I’m trying to cultivate my own friendships but my source material to work with now isn’t great and invariably I will probably find myself in a similar position to him before long. That weed addition is pretty rough on anything truly meaningful. All in all it is pretty sad that things can go this way especialyl with the newest addition of having productive and contributary friends in your life. Of course it’sa  good thing but it did kinda eliminate me from the running and that makes me lame. Now it’s just navigating this kinda weird and uncomfortable space where he wont say shit to cause damage. I wotn say shit cos I have hope and in the meanwhile the relationship will circle the proverbial drain until distance, time or some other factor snaps the last frayed string. But it is what it is. Lovers

Is actualyl kinda good. The one thing i’ve reconciled at the seeming expense of everything else is love and relationships and my ways of dealing and itneracting with em. I don’t miss exes and I don’t pine over lost lovers other that the typical momentary lapses which is cool. My current love is great. She’s good to me and I’m trying to be to her and its just good, Good all round. All good. Goodness. I sometimes feel like im trying to convince my self of something when it coems to this but actions and results sort of show themselves and it’s just been a constant relief since I’ve surrendered to it really. I’m not even holding my breath for it to last or building foundation. I’m just doing and that seems to work out best when it comes to just about everything.( This does not Feel Good Inc). PRetty wild to me that the lvoers part of this is by far the shortest and best handled but its revelaton did come at the cost of everyting else so yeah...

Parents Is god fucking awful. I mean in truth it’s kind of incredible. I’ve got the best pair imaginable on my team but it’s the resignation that kills my heart of hearts. There is no more expectation of hope or action. No drive or threats. Just plain shoulder shrugs and even that i deserve but when I finally figred it out it floored me. I have no idea baout their intentions or plans anymore. I’m completely out of the loop for the whole family it seems and I’m jsut waiting for the announcement of the intervention or the move out order or the random cash giveaway to get rid of me, I don’t even know but if not for mom I’d have been kicked out long ago. That’s pretty much a certainty and that “mothering” thing is startign to show both it’s calue and its problems. It’s far too comfortable a place to give up easily especially when you don’t bother to be really self aware. But here we are typing the things out. That’s ...a thing.... That they’ll never read or know about and that’s ok. 

Brain

Is poop cos I smoked too much but its Ok too. The regeneration process is gonna be a trip of its own. Really uncomfortable and loopy with unexplainable feelings and intuitions but that’s also OK. Better than Ok it’s recovery. The body will will be right there trhrough the process. I’m even interested in things again. Siblings is also a bit fucky. The disappointment is tangible but they’re not allowed to give up yet. We all inherited that one and it does help when i see the glimmers of hope. I don’t feel garbage but it normally starts with e being normal and not being in my head while interacting. Doing that assuming the best thing I used to be so good at. E is over me and kinda frustrated. Very Kev of him. Neez is trying but she has another baby to babysit and care about and I’m a tangential concern at best. The Suicide scare kind of reminded them of my existence in a weird but valuable way but it’s not an angle Im really trying to take. Especially now that I jsut realised what that anrrative ust look like to everyone it was shared withg hand it certainly was with khan which means by extension by the rest of the family. Probably explains strange interations now while i’ve been willfully poblivious and now I have to work to be cool again but it also wont ever be the same again unless someone else fucks up. But that’s a life long journey and doesn’t feel like it has the same urgency as the others. I’m alot more understood than I thought I was and that’s not a bad thing .

Art I’m going to go and make art and eat my girlfriends pussy and that’ll make me feel better and I’m excited for that.

Goodbye old complainy tumblr 

[star-valo]

How Markiplier Saved Me

I’m sure everyone’s seen his late night video by now, and I’ve seen a few people in the tag posting their stories.

And I feel like now is the right time to share mine. It’s not the typical life saving story, but it definately got me out of a life where I was so terribly unhappy. And considering I’m an extremely naïve 25 year old who is now stumbling about life in such an ungodly awful manner, I feel I owe a lot of who I am now to @markiplier

This will be long. Very long. Brace yourself, I’m a story teller. - TW: Abuse mention

I met him when I was 19. He was 29, turning 30 in a few months; and a month after I met him, he was due to get married, to his girlfriend of 10 years. I was at uni, out on my own with my anxiety in full swing for the first time in my life and I wasn’t coping. I’d stopped eating entirely, I was geting every bug that went around campus and I’d lock myself away in my room for hours on end.

I forced myself to go to a convention that was near the university. Anxiety attack ensued, and I was in a very vulnerable state, which is where I met him. Subsequently, it turned out, just about every male that was remotely plesant to me that weekend, had ulterior motives. Unfortunately, his didn’t start until after the convention.

Bit of context. I’m one of those “growing up ugly” kids. The “popular” kids at school would fake crushes on me to get a laugh and ridicule me at every oppertunity. As such, I’m oblivious to any actual interest anyone may show in me. I can’t pick up on those social queues at all, because I just don’t believe they’re genuine.

He got married, we stopped talking. The next convention, 4 months after his wedding, he kissed me and made me super uncomfortable for the rest of the weekend. Apparently, married life wasn’t going too well, so his attention had moved from his wife, to me. This started the manipulation, feeding me stories about his wife, apologising endlessly for making me uncomfortable and showering me in gifts.

Against my parent’s wishes, I ended up in a relationship with him. For 3 years. and his control over me continued for an additional year before I finally managed to cut him out completely. Leaving me a rather broken 23 year old.

Now, where does Mark come in?

He is what opened my eyes to the mental and emotional abuse and blackmail I was being subjected to, and eventually pushed me to leave.

Part two of the story starts here.

I was browsing Tumblr, seeing a lot of this stuff poping up on my timeline relating to something called “Five Nights at Freddy’s” and of course, Markiplier’s name was popping up as well. I was curious. So, Hallowe’en 2014, I was visiting my bestie who I only see once a year due to distance and money, and we decided we’d watch some spooky stuff. I suggested a FNAF playthrough, to which Bestie’s sister insisted that we watch Mark’s because it was definately the best out there. So we did.

My bestie wasn’t particularly taken with FNAF so we only watched the first part, but I was hooked, I wanted to see more. So I got home and binge watched the rest of Mark’s FNAF playthrough. Of course, I wanted someone to share this new found enjoyment with (good god I loved theorising with FNAF Lore, still do), so I showed it to him. Who then proceeded to take it and use it against me, my pathetic ass wussy self that I am. I’m very easily scared as I have an extremely overactive imagination. Have since I was tiny.

He bought FNAF, would hook it up to his TV, turn out all the lights, start the night... then decide he needed a cigerette, and leave me alone whilst he went outside to smoke. Of course, I was curled up in the corner, bracing myself for the jumpscares. One night, I was at his place, I got up to go to the toilet. I’d gone to bed early because I was tired, he was still awake, drinking beer and watching crap telly. He heard me and hid on the stairs which were directly outside the door to his bedroom, where he knew I would be passing to go back to bed. Thankfully I saw him sprawled out on the stairs before he could execute his plan. He was going to play Foxy’s jumpscare sound on his phone (He had the video ready and everything) and grab my ankle as I walked past.

I won’t go in to some of the other things he did, but the manipulation was there. The sexual abuse and emotional blackmail was there. I just didn’t start to see it until I watched more of Mark.

One week when I was off work because I felt unwell and there weren’t new Markiplier videos because he’d gone into hospital (turns out I was unwell because my appendix went fucky, I went in to hospital the day Mark came out) I binge watched his old videos. I really enjoyed his Vlogs, just him talking to the camera made it feel more personal. I watched his Draw my Life, Live-action skits he’d done, Videos of him on other people’s channels too.

Even just the silly little things he’d do like calling “us” beautiful. The milestone videos where he’d say how much we mean to him, and how thankful he was for letting him have the life he has. It all got me thinking. Never had I seen emotion from my boyfriend. He had never called me beautiful, or pretty, or expressed any sort of happiness for me being around, unless it was to manipulate me. He’d cry and self harm and spout all this stuff he thought I wanted to hear when I tried to leave in the past, how he didn’t want a life without me in it, how he loved me... All when I was trying to get out. Of course I stayed because he was threatening to kill himself.

At another convention, two weeks after my appendix surgery, we wore matching FNAF Pirate Cove tops (because matching tops were his way of showing he owned me, turns out.) I got talking to some guys about FNAF, ignoring him. It was when one of the guys mentioned that he was watching a youtuber play Five nights at Fuckboys at the moment, I instantly interjected with “Markiplier?”, who of course it was. At the mention of Mark, more people perked up and joined in the conversation, isolating my then-boyfriend more because he didn’t watch Mark.

I was in a lot of pain after the first night, I spent most of the convention in my hotel room in pain, which annoyed him because he wanted to party, and I wasn’t with him. I ended up calling my dad who came to take me home two days early, which my new Markiplier-friends came to see me off and say goodbye. Of course that annoyed him too.

I’m pretty sure this was the point that he realised that it wasn’t FNAF that he had to try and take from me. It wasn’t FNAF that was helping me make the friends that he wanted to keep away. It was Mark.

From then on, he’d do everything in his power to ruin Mark for me, to make him seem like an asshole, to make me stop watching his videos. Combining this with other things that I cared about, he was starting to get desperate. His control over me was slipping. I was starting to stand up for myself and he didn’t like it.

He’d get annoyed when I started watching Prison Break with my mum because I didn’t tell him what I was doing. He got annoyed that I wouldn’t text him back, whilst I was at work, in 2 minutes. He resorted to trying to buy me, buying me gifts and food, taking me places, surprising me with things in an attempt to buy me back.

He lashed out at me for not wanting to go swimming, because he wanted to see me in a swimsuit and ignored my anxiety and low self esteem making me freak out. He got extremely angry with me for going to bed without giving him a hug, because he’d insulted me and I didn’t want to be near him. He fed me lies about how all the new friends I was making were only trying to get into my pants, how none of them really liked my company and that if Mark were here, he’d be doing the same. It’s “all they wanted”, to get into my pants, he was “protecting” me. One of my favourite singers thought I was stupid because of one line in one song.

The final straw - for him - was when, on my birthday, I didn’t facetime him when opening my presents. When I did. This is when he stopped talking to me. In six weeks he’d moved on to another girl, one he worked with. He was being rude and cruel to me, so I finally deleted him from my facebook. I didn’t want to see it. I wasn’t coping well as it was. Everything I had known for the last four years had gone, and I was left alone because he kept stopping friendships before they formed. A barrage of insults came in the form of texts. As soon as he realised I’d deleted him and his friends, and that he couldn’t monitor me anymore, he flew off the handle. I crumbled completely. I was signed off work. I was a mess. Sadly, all this happened around the time of Daniel’s passing, so Mark wasn’t uploading. That’s when I turned to Jack’s videos. He wasn’t Mark, but he was funny, and he gave me a welcome distraction from all the pain and distress I was feeling.

Since then, Mark and his videos have been my go-to before-bed entertainment, time zones and all that fun stuff. He’s what’s making me strive to better myself, to move past the barriers and fears that the abuse has left me with. To push myself, to do that cosplay, to post that drawing. Dye my hair, buy the thing, put myself out there. I’m still trying. I’m still pushing myself. I’ll get there with attempting youtube myself one day, It’s just getting the software to do it, and then i’ll have to put my face out there, which is something I hate doing. But I’ll do it. I left work because, despite it being a terrifying thing to commit to doing, I deserved to be treated better. I am capable of so much more, I just need to believe in myself and know that I can do it if I put my mind to it.

And I believe all of this because of Mark. He believes in us as a community, and us as an individual. No one has told me that as often as Mark tells us all. All I have ever wanted is to make people happy, but now I don’t feel like I have to sacrifice my own happiness for others. I can make them happy, without demeaning myself, or decreasing my value and self worth. I’m funny, I make people laugh, I’m smart and creative, and that’s not a bad thing to say. I’m not blowing my own trumpet by saying that. I’m giving myself the value and credit I deserve because It’s far too easy to say that I’m not smart, that I’m not creative and I only make people laugh by fluke.

I have talents and abilities. I shouldn’t belittle them because they make me who I am, I need to embrace them, not push them aside.

I know this may seem like I’m putting Mark on a pedestal, but I assure you I am not. I feel indebted to him, yes, because I credit him as the catalyst that gave me the strength needed to save myself. Something that no one else had done in the four years I was in that relationship.

Genuinely and Honestly Mark, If you read this, Thank you. I owe you so much. I don’t know where I would be now had I not been introduced to you and your videos. Your sense of humour matches mine so well that I can’t help but laugh with you, even when I don’t feel like smiling. You have inspired me to do more with my life, to take a leap of faith, to push myself and try new things.

It sounds stupid and fan girly, but I honestly love you, so much. You have changed my life for the better, and I someday hope that I can repay you for saving me

#star's talking shit again #Markiplier #Very long post #i rambled a bit #i tried to cut it down #but it didn't work too good

[deterministpalindrome]

==> Pal: Poke at future!Tyfora. At length.

deterministpalindrome okay 2o thii2 ii2 me puttiing all my threat2 and brii2tliing down by the door a2 much a2 ii can and approachiing wiith hand2 up where you can 2ee them ii ju2t want two talk out of curiio2iity iif you're not game ii'll fuck off

sugary-empress O)(! )(ello, Paladiin, is it, or am I misremembering? T)(is is pretty surprising to me, but I appreciate it a lot! If you feel t)(e need to t)(reaten me, feel free, I'm a lot better at not )(aving panic attacks and flipping out and being generally intolerable w)(en scared now.

deterministpalindrome paladiiiin yeah though ii more u2e pal 2tiill that'2. good ii gue22 but ii mean the goal ii2n't threat2 or w/e plu2 you're 2tiill aliive after that long obviiou2ly you haven't cro22ed any of my liine2 2o ii'm not really 2ure ii'm goiing two need two and yeah ii diidn't really. iidk expect two talk two you duriing thii2 but. you're defiiniitely diifferent and ii ju2t. iidk iit feel2 liike an opportuniity for /2omethiing/ and ii don't really want two let iit 2liide by

sugary-empress Pal, lovely. I currently go by Tyfora, just so you know. T)(at all seems quite reasonable. Do you )(ave even a vague idea w)(at you want to get from t)(is? I've got plenty to offer, )(ot gossip, future possibilities, insig)(t on me, delicious cake recipes.

deterministpalindrome tyfora alriight ii can do that now that ii've acciidentally 2lept on iit yeah ii do ii want two 2ee for my2elf ju2t how diifferent you are ii mean yeah obviiou2ly you're a thou2and 2weep2 iin the future of cour2e you’re diifferent but you're /2urprii2iingly/ diifferent? liike. lookiing at the you ii know and lookiing at what ii've 2een of you and lookiing at the theoriie2 ii've got... the dot2 don't connect riight. 2o ii fiigure ii could rii2k a conver2atiion and get a better feel for thiing2 ii gue22 2ee iif thiiing2 cliick better.

sugary-empress I'm just trying to get away from Condy, because like. )(er Imperious Condescension is literally T)(-E douc)(iest tidal ever, I couldn't come up wit)( anyfin more obnoxious t)(an t)(at if I tried. May I ask w)(at t)(eories you've got about me? I feel like I'm not T)(AT surprisingly different, but t)(en, of course I do, I lived t)(is. I am t)(e result of an incredible narcissist facing real consequences and knowing people wit)( real feelings for me for t)(e first time. Mom dying and getting to take a long break from my job bot)( kelped immensely.

deterministpalindrome iidk my ver2iion of your alternate went by the godqueen whiich ii2 pretty up there but ii gotta agree wiith you ii gue22. top ea2y one ii2 that you've gotten way better at actiing over the 2weep2 and can actually fake not beiing 2cum but a thou2and 2weep2 miight giive you a lotta practiice but a lot more opportuniitiie2 two fuck up and you wouldn't exii2t iif you'd fucked up. and the you ii know doe2n't have the patiience 2o that'2 unliikely. ...there'2 a part of me that'2 glad all that happened and not ju2t 'cau2e iit 2olve2 my problem2. a liittle part ii have two admiit but. fiiguriing out how two not be a mon2ter'2 not 2omethiing ii can 2hiit on yeah?

sugary-empress T)(e Godqueen, t)(at's so awful. T)(at's a perfectly fair conclusion to come to, but as you said, I'm quite impatient. A long con just is NOT my t)(ing. I will say t)(at I'm just one possible future. Maybe it's incredibly unlikely t)(at I don't fuck up, but t)(e anon just snagged t)(e zillion to one c)(ance. I'm glad it )(appened too, and not because it means I get to be alive. I've been pretty done wit)( t)(at for a w)(ile. It's nice to know t)(at you're not completely irredeemable. I don't blame people for sinking I am, all fins considered, I'm not like, w)(ining about people being mean to me. But it doesn't feel good, no matter )(ow deserved it is. I enjoy not being a monster.

deterministpalindrome iikr? your alt2 ju2t have the be2t ta2te iin iincrediibly tacky everythiing ...from thii2 2iide iit'2 niice two know there'2 at lea2t a /liittle/ chance that xanthe and co aren't ju2t up theiir own chute2 about thii2. that iit can get through. ii mean ii'm not gonna go hop 2kiip and a jumpiing riight iintwo tru2tiing my you or anythiing ii'm not 2tupiid enough two expect her two be you yet and ii'm not forgiiviing her for the 2hiit 2he pulled. but. iidk. ii miight giive her a chance eventually. iif 2he 2tiick2 wiith iit and aiim2 for beiing you. and liike get2 way clo2er ii have exactly no de2iire two deal wiith her fuckiing 2hiit more than ii have two. but ii'm not haviing trouble talkiing two you. and you're certaiinly better at not pii22iing me off.

sugary-empress If only t)(at was t)(e worst t)(ing about us. Xant)(e is a really good guy. I know )(e's less trusting now, but I believe t)(e reason w)(y may still be a secret. I know associating wit)( me makes )(is life a lot more difficult. I will stick wit)( it until I die. -Even in your present, I'm starting to feel t)(at magical alp)(a feeling known as guilt. If you can't trust in my selflessness, w)(ic)( is entirely fair, trust in t)(e fact t)(at I feel bad if I do bad s)(it, and feeling bad is unpleasant, so I try and avoid it. I'm not asking you to be very bestest buddies wit)( me. I'm not asking anyt)(ing of you, actually. But I )(ope it puts your mind at ease t)(at w)(ile I'm sometimes impulsive enoug)( to talk to you and yours, I'm mostly fucking terrified, so I'll never impulsively actually DO anyt)(ing besides w)(ine.

deterministpalindrome p 2ure iif that wa2 a thiing niinety eiight percent of the multiiver2e'2 problem2 wouldn't exii2t and iit can't have that can iit ii don't actually liike. know xanthe. ju2t what 2how2 up on my da2h 2ometiime2. 2o. not liike ii expect hiim two tru2t me or even know ii exii2t 2ecret or no 2ecret. ...dunno iif iit'2 rea22uriing or w/e but iit'2 good iinfo two have. both of tho2e really. guiilt'2 u2eful af 2ometiime2 and fear... well ii mean. that'2 2ort of my goal obviiou2ly. keep her 2pooked enough two 2tay over there and on good behaviior wrt me and miine. 2he'2 not exactly harmle22 yeah? neiither of you are. '2 not an ea2y thiing two forget. ...niice two know iit'2 been effectiive though. that'2 rea22uriing 2ome and btw whiile ii 2aw iit mentiioned iidc iif you keep the log or not doe2n't really matter iif 2he 2ee2 what ii've 2aiid two you iit'2 nothiing that'2 2ecret or anythiing

sugary-empress Well, Tumblr just cras)(ed and deleted several )(undred words of reply. To be fair, I really do need to be less wordy. Anyways, I'm glad I told you t)(e stuff, I'm trying to distribute a variety of "good info to )(ave", and tanks for confirming I don't need to delete t)(is log. Brevity: wit. I've got a question for you, and it's insensitive, so feel free to tell me to fuck off eit)(er preemptively or after you read it.

deterministpalindrome oh god that'2 the ab2olute wor2t riip thank2 for giiviing iit back at you ii know ii'm not exactly optiion a for thii2 2ort of thiing but. iidk thii2 wa2n't awful at the very lea2t. niice two have a conver2atiion that'2 rea2onable for once ...alriight ii'm curiiou2 and prepared and have my fuck off ready for deployment. a2k away

sugary-empress I s)(ouldn't need to ask, but it's been a very long time. Did I do anyt)(ing to you, or was it "just" words, or was it "just" a loved one of yours t)(at I )(urt? T)(ere were so many, and I'm incredibly sorry eit)(er way, but I would like to know. I'm sorry t)(at I don't remember.

deterministpalindrome ...that'2 not that iin2en2iitiive. memoriie2 can be garbage e2peciially after 2o long and iit beiing 2o far iin the pa2t iin the 2en2e of iit beiing a diifferent liife almo2t? iidk. but. you never diid anythiing /phy2iical/ two any of u2. but you diidn't really have two. you'd watch our blog2 for low poiint2 and 2woop iin and diig claw2 iin two wherever you could. you triied two get me and artiifex for a riig p much riight after we got blog2 and kept tryiing. we were your cute liittle batteriie2 we ju2t diidn't know iit yet. ...ii. got riigged. a 2weep back. and ii'd barely gotten back onliine before you were cooiing at me about fiinally beiing what ii wa2 2uppo2ed two be. you were wor2t two my mate2priit. there wa2 a long whiile there where he wa2 2truggliing wiith an eatiing dii2order and you 2et iit off for fun. you liiterally admiitted iit and everythiing iit wa2 2omethiing you diid when you were bored or he wa2 two happy or you were jealou2 or 2hiit liike that. every 2iingle 2elfiie he po2ted. every tiime he mentiioned food. for /periigee2/. he almo2t 2tarved hiim2elf two the poiint of no return becau2e of iit. you barely even regii2tered iit happened he wa2 ju2t a toy for your amu2ement. iit'2 2hiit liike that that make2 iit 2o ea2y two piicture you dead at my feet iif iit happen2 agaiin. let alone the re2t of everythiing you've done

sugary-empress Gods. T)(at was incredibly awful. I remember t)(at. Karkat, t)(e one w)(o reblogged my selfie. I believe I know t)(e answer, but would an apology to )(im be at all )(elpful?

deterministpalindrome yeah that one. calodemongelastic. and ii honestly don't know. from you? maybe?? you're at lea2t rea2onable 2oundiing and liike you mean what you 2ay. he miight actually lii2ten or he miight not. my you? ii doubt he'll take iit 2eriiou2ly and ii doubt /2he'll/ take iit 2eriiou2ly.

sugary-empress I take t)(ings more seriously t)(an I seem. I'm bad at communicating wit)( alp)(as at t)(is time, I get better, but it's very different, attempting to genuinely interact and connect rat)(er t)(an just talking to people w)(o need to obey me. I'll attempt to do so, but no )(ard feelings from me if it doesn't work out.

deterministpalindrome people are hard iin general ii can't iimagiine tryiing two unlearn that 2ort of 2hiit. and none from me eiither. you tryiing at all and a2kiing for adviice fiir2t 2ay2 a lot more than a 2ucce22 doe2 yeah? ju2t keep iin miind he'2 kiind of up two hii2 horn2 iin 2tre22 rn from the rebelliion we're tryiing two wrap up 2o liike be patiient and clear and name drop me iif you need two.

sugary-empress I'm sorry to you too, by t)(e way. I didn't mean to take you saying all t)(e bad stuff t)(at I did to ALL of you, and go "wow yea)( t)(at stuff I did to KARKAT was bad".

deterministpalindrome ngl ii'm more pii22ed about what happened two hiim than anythiing you diid two me 2o. kiind of made 2en2e. and ii appreciiate that yeah? you fiiguriing out that wa2 fucked up. all that 2hiit. and beiing able two put a2iide priide enough two admiit iit. '2 not ea2y.

sugary-empress I felt like, and maybe t)(is was just because you guys front better, I affected )(im more. I used to take notes. It was gross. And I figured you were most defensive about )(im, based on w)(at little I know about you. It's not easy, but it's necessary. I'm getting better at doing not easy stuff.

deterministpalindrome ...yeah ngl that ii2 kiind of completely dii2gu2tiing but not really all that 2urprii2iing con2iideriing '2 riight though. he took iit bad. and ii'd do anythiing two keep hiim 2afe. anythiing. and iif that mean2 2tandiing between my you and hiim damn 2traiight ii'm gonna. iit ii2 yeah and a lotta hiighblood2 don't learn that. ii mean. ii dunno how thii2 m!a work2 or how your tiimeliine'2 iin relatiion two blah blah fuck tiime 2tuff but. keep iit up? you're doiing really well and 2hiit. that'2 not nothiing.

sugary-empress I suppose, given Time S)(it, all we really know for sure is t)(at it's tec)(nically possible for me to do well. Like I said, I could be t)(e zillion to one c)(ance. But I've got fait)( in me. I'm trying to set s)(it up so it's easier for me, w)(en my younger self returns.

deterministpalindrome yeah ii've 2een the po2t2 you've been makiing about that ngl that'2 probably a good iidea. you thought about leaviing her a letter wiith tiip2 and encouragement? and iit miight be that you're around two make becomiing clo2e two you po22iible liike iidk iin2piiratiion or 2/t liike ii 2aiid iidk what iit ii2 about thii2 but iit feel2 liike an opportuniity and maybe iit'2 for more than ju2t me

sugary-empress I've been making one on our vent blog, and a p)(ysical one. T)(e vent blog is like "keep on keeping on", and t)(e p)(ysical one is like, "don't trust politician A, t)(ere's gonna be a natural disaster, finally retire you trainwreck". I )(ope it can be an opportunity for as many people as possible.

deterministpalindrome ii got one of tho2e from a future me once. iidk iif iit liike /helped/ helped but at lea2t iit gave me 2hiit two thiink about re moviing forward and a few iin2piiratiion2 for thiing2 two try two learn 2ame. ii don't want two kiill you or anythiing that'2 never been goal a or iit'd be done already. ii fiigured you'd fuck off or we'd fuck off at 2ome poiint and that'd be the end of iit. but. iif there'2 a way two make that happen fa2ter and wiith le22 ho2tiiliity ii'm not gonna 2ay no. ii'm not gonna roll over eiither iit'2 not gonna be one and done or w/e but. iit'2 not hopele22? ii can be conviinced of thiing2.

sugary-empress I figure it'll be inspirational or somefin, at t)(e very least. Yea)(, I figured. You guys are all very competent, it used to bug me a lot t)(at none of you killed me. I couldn't figure it out.

deterministpalindrome ...ii wa2 two 2cared two for a long long tiime. two 2cared of you two 2cared of your riig. after you got mortaled... ii'm tryiing not two be a mon2ter eiither. iit'd be 2o ea2y two 2olve everythiing wiith murder but. ii don't want two be that per2on. 2o ii have two waiit untiil you fuck up bad enough two de2erve iit and not a moment 2ooner. threat2 yeah remiindiing you the liine2 are there 2ure but. you have two move fiir2t.

sugary-empress I wouldn't believe you if you told me t)(at. Present me, your present, I mean. You and Sparks in particular are )(orrifying godbeings in my pan, I can't imagine you being scared of anyfin atoll, in particular me. I appreciate you not killing t)(e s)(it out of me now t)(at I'm mortal. I'm scared of a lot of stuff, my risk assessment is terrible.

deterministpalindrome yeah ii fiigured whiich ii2 why ii'm 2ayiing iit now two you 2o maybe 2he read2 iit. and ii can't blame you ii mean ii don't 2ay ii'm a god of war 'cau2e iit 2ound2 niice. but iit'2 not liike beiing riidiic powerful iimmediiately mean2 you're iimmune two beiing 2cared obviiou2ly re you and me. and iit'2 not liike there aren't a biilliion fate2 wor2e than death. the multiiver2e ii2 kiind of fiilled wiith awful terriiblene22 not beiing a 2cared of 2omethiing'2 an iimpo22iibiiliity

sugary-empress I've lived many fates worse t)(an deat)(, not a fan, in general. I appreciate t)(e t)(oug)(t, and I'm sure baby me will too. I'm learning t)(at ot)(er people are just... Ot)(er people, and not actually )(orrifying figures w)(o want nofin but to torment me. Being an enormous narcissist makes discovering t)(at not literally ebberyfin about me super roug)(, but I'll get t)(ere. T)(ank you, really.

deterministpalindrome yeah can't 2ay ii recommend any of the one2 ii've been through eiither. ju2t not a good way two 2pend a niight out heh ii can under2tand dumb pan 2hiit liike that and iidk iif thii2 would help but ii don't thiink ii have tiime iin my 2chedule to put a2iide for tormentiing purpo2e2. keepiing my clade iin one piiece take2 enough of my focu2 and ii2 a /way/ hiigher priioriity nah 2hould be me thankiing you. you diidn't have two giive me a chance or an2wer my que2tiion2 and ii appreciiate you doiing 2o.

sugary-empress )(a)(a)(a)(a, wild, it's almost like most stuff worse t)(an deat)( sucks. It absolutely )(elps. Moby we bot)( s)(oal be t)(anking eac)( ot)(er. 38)

deterministpalindrome what a weiird coiinciidence how diid that happen cool =] glad ii could help eheh 2ound2 liike a good plan two me. thank you a lot for all thii2 help and you're welcome for the help iin return =]

sugary-empress W)(o could possibly )(ave predicted it? I need to get to a daytime meeting. I dunno )(ow muc)( longer t)(is anon will last, but if you want to talk to me anymore, feel free to )(it me up. I sent Karkat an ask, so I'm )(oping t)(at doesn't go completely awfully!

deterministpalindrome yeah 2ame back at you. thii2 went way better than ii thought and iit happeniing agaiin wouldn't be a bad thiing =] ii'll let hiim know there'2 2hiit on tumblr for hiim two look at 2o he doe2n't lo2e track untiil next periigee or 2/t but yeah good luck wiith your meetiing

#posted ooc #sugary empress #somehow a lot of words go incredibly well???? #did not see this coming at all