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dongofthewolf · 3 years

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Slowly Learning That Life Is Okay

Abby Anderson x Fem!Blind!Reader

Sweet sweet fluff about fear of intimacy where Abby rescues the reader and they unexpectedly become closer.

Requested by @rianncreates

Warnings: swearing, fluff, minor violence(?), cute gay shit :)

A/N: I am not visually impaired but I really tried my best to write a character whose lack of sight doesn't define them. I wanted to portray how our differences don't define us; we're all connected in a way (as cheesy as it may sound), and it makes me sad to see small things like not being able to hear/see divide us.

Ever since you were a kid, people have always had a hard time looking you in the eyes. Due to your condition, they appeared hazy and almost grey; something that made a lot of people uncomfortable. In fact, most people don’t even know it, but you can actually tell when someone is turning away so they don’t have to face you. There’s a certain recognizable sound when someone purposely looks away to avoid affording you the basic decency of eye contact, and it’s dehumanizing as fuck. It didn’t matter that you weren’t completely blind, it was enough that you were still alienated from the rest of the world. They didn’t see you as a person, to them you were your blindness–it defined you. It’s the reason people were afraid to interact with you, why kids were always so cruel to you, and why you always kept people at an arm's-length. That is, until you met Abby.

Abby was unlike anyone you had ever met; she was the first person who saw you—truly saw you. While most people knew her to be Isaac’s top scar killer, you knew her as the girl who tended to your wounds after she found you patrolling the city. She was the smell of pine and fresh rain that filled your senses, and her voice was like a soothing ailment when she calmly reassured you that everything would be fine.

In the WLF infirmary, Abby never left your side. It’s not like your injuries were super severe or anything, but she stayed with you regardless. She wrapped your arms with fresh bandages when they needed changing, and got you desserts from the cafeteria using her connections to Isaac. After a few days, you quickly learned that the two of you had a lot in common and soon she was visiting you almost every day.

It’d been a month now and you’ve officially made the WLF stadium your new home. You and Abby were sitting in your room while she read to you with that same lovely voice. It had become a habit now; Abby had read to you in the infirmary, and ever since then she's been coming over so she can share all her favourite books with you. She was just starting a new chapter when you interrupted her. “Abby?”

Abby instantly stopped reading, and you could feel the bed shift as she sat up to face you. “What’s up?”

“Can I ask you something?” You were nervous. Although she had been nothing but kind to you, you didn’t want to ruin what happened to be the closest friendship you’ve had in a really long time.

You could hear her smiling as she answered. “Anything.”

You hesitated; you’d never normally do this with anyone else, but you trusted Abby. As you sat there contemplating your next words, Abby gently took your hand before continuing with that same reassuring tone she had used when you guys first met. “Hey, you know you can always talk to me right?”

Her hands were so warm. It was such a small detail that most people probably wouldn’t notice, but for some reason it was all you could think about in that moment. They were rough and calloused from years of combat but whenever she touched you, it was delicate and light. It was as if she was afraid that she would hurt you, even though you knew she never would. God, why can’t you think straight while she’s holding your hand like that? Fuck, it shouldn’t be that hard.

You struggled to get the words out, like something in your chest was weighing you down. “I just… I don't want things to change.”

“Hey, nothing you say could ever push me away. Okay?” Abby was softly caressing the top of your hand with hers as she set the book aside.

“I was wondering if I could…” Fuck, how were you supposed to say this? You paused trying to decide how to word it, but it still came out wrong. “feel your face?”

Abby didn’t respond, and if she hadn’t been holding your hand then, you would’ve thought she had left. After waiting for what felt like a whole five minutes (but was probably closer to thirty seconds) you were starting to get nervous. “Abby? You still there?”

Your voice must have snapped her out of it because she responded immediately. “Yeah, sorry I just… I was expecting something a lot worse. Like you murdered some kittens or something.”

You giggled at the sincerity in her voice, relief flooding through you. “Kittens? God Abby who the fuck do you think I am?”

“I don’t know! I thought you were admitting some deep dark secret.” Abby nervously laughed along with you, her hand never leaving yours.

As you both settled down, Abby shakily brought your hand to her cheek, silently signalling to you that it was okay. You hesitantly caressed it, softly stroking the lines of her cheekbones with a smile on your face. Your hand then slowly moved up towards her forehead, your fingers tracing the scar above her eyebrow. The scar was thin like from a blade or a scrap piece of metal, and you couldn’t help but wonder how she had gotten the scar–wondered how many scars she had gotten after years of fighting in that senseless war.

You’d never say it out loud because the WLF had saved your life, but the war with the Seraphites was unnecessary and quite frankly, useless. All of the so-called “sacrifices” being made for the sake of some fucking land was just stupid and greedy.

You weren’t really a religious person–especially considering the whirlwind of shit you’ve been through–but if this whole virus was a result of some higher being thrusting humans into extinction? You couldn’t blame them. All these survivors were granted a second chance to better themselves, thousands of people by some miracle had survived the outbreak, only for them to revert back to the same tired, old ideology of war and power. You supposed that even after all these years, humans never really change.

Your fingers moved slowly back down, passing the bridge of her nose and her Cupid’s bow before reaching her lips. They were soft and parted slightly when you reached for them, but she still didn’t move.

Abby stayed incredibly still as you took your time feeling her face, exploring every crevice—every detail of her subtle features. You could feel a stray strand of hair hanging next to her face, so you lightly brushed it behind her ear before bringing your hands back down to rest on your lap. But before you could fully pull away, your hand brushed up against something rigid and stiff. It took you a moment before you realized that you were touching her huge bicep, and you were astonished at her strength. It also took you a minute before you realized that you were literally feeling up her muscles, causing a sudden heat to rush towards your cheeks as you quickly retrieved your hands.

“Oh um… sorry I didn’t mean to- I mean I didn’t realize-” You tried to get the words out but you couldn’t. “Fuck this is awkward.”

Abby chuckled watching you get all flustered from touching her arms, and then out of nowhere it slipped out. “God you’re adorable.”

Then there was a pause, you weren’t sure you had heard her correctly but from the way her laughing suddenly came to a halt, you were sure she had just said what you thought she did.

“Uh, shit. I should… I should go.” Abby began standing up but before she could, you reached out and grabbed her arm. You pulled her towards you again, tracing your hand back towards her cheek as you gently cupped the side of her face with your palm.

“Don’t go.” Abby’s cheeks grew warm under your touch. You wanted more than anything to tell her how you feel–how you’ve felt for her since the moment you two had first met.

After spending so much of your life consumed by this irrational fear of abandonment and intimacy, you had let someone in. You lowered the barrier that you had spent so long building because of her. And of course it was easy to assume that you liked Abby just because she was one of the only people you hung out with, but it wasn’t like that. Abby wasn’t like the rest of your friends or family because she was never overbearing; most people were quick to treat you like a child or some helpless creature, but she never did. She gave you space when you needed it, but she also never made you feel lonely. Her presence was calming and comforting. Abby gave so much and expected nothing in return.

The possibility that your feelings for her were reciprocated made your heart flutter, but it was also really scary. This was entirely new territory; relationships were never a priority for you by any means, especially since survival has always been your prime concern. But now that you’ve found asylum here with the WLF—with Abby, you were safe. You were free to live, free to enjoy the prospect of a somewhat normal life, and you better believe you were going to take full advantage of this newfound normalcy.

You leaned in towards Abby, your foreheads touching and your lips just millimeters apart. As you placed both of your hands on her cheeks, Abby stayed impossibly still as her nose softly grazed yours. Abby’s hands landed on top of yours as she held them against her face, securing them there like she was afraid you would leave.

Then–as if it wasn’t the most terrifying thing ever–you kissed her. It was delicate and gentle, and you nearly cried because of how perfect it was. And although you had just felt her lips with your fingers, nothing compared to how they felt against yours. They were so soft you wanted to melt into them, and in that moment you nearly did. Your body involuntarily leaned into her, your arms falling against her broad shoulders in an effort to support yourself, before slowly moving to wrap around the back of her neck, pulling her even closer. All that built up tension from weeks of spending nearly every day together suddenly dissipated the moment you closed that gap, and those tears that had previously threatened to fall suddenly did. Small teardrops fell from both your eyes and wet your cheeks, causing Abby to pull back slightly as she wiped them with the pads of her thumbs. “What’s wrong?”

You gave her a small smile as you chuckled slightly. “Nothing, I just… I really like you Abby.”

As soon as the words fell out, Abby laughed softly before embracing you for a kiss once again. When the two of you finally pulled apart Abby spoke again with that same heavenly voice of hers. “I really like you too Y/N”

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson imagine #the last of us imagine #request #abby anderson #abby tlou #fluff #fxf #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #me simping for abby's arms #yes i quoted take on me #and what about it

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pronouncingitwang · 3 years

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jon, melanie, and georgie friendship | 1.5K words | basically just. how jon finds out melanie’s bi | for the @jonsimsbipride prompt “solidarity”

“Martin? Are you still there?” Georgie calls from the couch at a volume that makes Jon wince.

Martin’s fallen asleep on the loveseat, his face smushed into the arm of the chair as he snores. For the last few minutes, Jon has been looking at the rise and fall of his chest with something resembling awe. Even a year after the world began again, Jon finds it difficult to believe that they’re safe, that he can just watch Martin without needing to watch over him.

“Pretty sure those are his snores I’m hearing right now,” says Melanie, and Georgie whispers a quick apology.

Recovery has been hard, but being roommates with the Qing-Barkers helps, at least sometimes. Georgie described their shared living situation as “living in group therapy” on more than one occasion, which is true on hard days. Melanie described it as “being back in uni again, but mostly in a good way?” which is true on better days. Martin maintains that it’s worth it for The Admiral and Melanie’s service dog, Mothman, alone, which is true on every day.

Today is a good day. There’s been a lot of laughter, from when Georgie and Melanie had met him and Martin at the airport to telling them honeymoon stories over dinner to now, when they’re all lying around doing nothing, and jet lag has rendered Jon too tired to drag himself to bed.

“Come and cuddle with us instead, Jon,” Melanie stage-whispers from beside Georgie. After checking that Martin is comfortable one more time, Jon agrees.

Melanie is snuggled under a blanket with a pink, purple, and blue yarn mix. Martin had gifted the blanket to Georgie for her birthday, even though Jon, I swear everyone gives their friends pride stuff when they don’t know what else to get them; are you sure it’s not obvious that I didn’t have a better idea? It's warm and soft, and by now, practically a household staple.

Jon sits down on the couch and, after checking that she’s okay with it, rests his cheek against Melanie’s shoulder. At first contact, Melanie lets out a small noise of surprise. “You shaved,” she says. “Georgie, you’re supposed to tell me about major life changes like this! How stupid does he look?”

Georgie hums. “Not too bad. I’d say… no more stupid than usual?”

“Damn,” Melanie says. “Why the smooth face, Jon?”

Georgie opens her mouth, but stops herself to let Jon explain.

“Oh,” he shrugs, “I just tend to shave whenever I have to deal with airport security. Less likely to be stopped for suspected terrorism and all.”

“Ah.” Melanie clicks her tongue. “Makes sense. Sucks, though.” She shifts, resting her head on top of Jon’s. “I guess it’s a good thing that Big Heathrow”—Georgie giggles from the other side of the couch—“doesn’t know how the apocalypse came about, then.”

Jon laughs. The part of his mind that wonders if going along with this particular joke about the apocalypse is a sign of developing emotional distance or just a coping mechanism perks its ears up, but he ignores it. “No, I’d imagine the Daily Mail would have a field day with that one.”

“I wonder how they’d spin your evil boss’s involvement,” Georgie, who steadfastly refuses to use Elias’s name, muses. “Innocent bystander? Secret lover?”

Melanie makes a retching sound, which Jon makes back at her. Melanie repeats it at a slightly higher pitch. This continues for at least a minute, before they lapse back into laughter. It really is like uni again.

“Hey, Jon,” Georgie ventures after a spot of silence, mischief coloring her voice, “Kiss, marry, kill: Big Heathrow, Daily Mail, evil boss.”

“Georgina.” It’s difficult to have a staring contest with Georgie’s body pillow in the way, but Jon manages to aim his glare right at the space between Georgie’s eyes. Georgie doesn’t back down, just smiles sweetly and raises an eyebrow.

“Yes, Jonathan?”

“Fine,” he sighs, resting his head back down onto Melanie’s shoulder. “Fine. Kill Elias again. Marry… marry Heathrow? I think it would have a tolerable personality. Which leaves…” he sighs again, “kissing the Daily Mail. Christ.”

“Bad choice,” Melanie says. “They’re basically the definition of kiss and tell. Imagine the scandal!”

“Alright, fine.” Jon says, not awake enough to debate but curious enough to challenge. “Same options. What would you pick?”

“Easy,” Melanie says. “First, obviously, I’m stabbing Elias to death. Second, I’m pretty sure Heathrow sells toothpaste, so it would be the least unpleasant to kiss. Third, and most importantly, I’m going to use my marriage to the Daily Mail to edit the articles it publishes and slowly radicalize the old white women of the UK.”

Georgie gives a few snaps of approval, and even Jon has to admit she has some points.

“There aren’t many situations where I’d divorce you willingly, Melanie,” Georgie says, “but if it was for this, I would understand.”

Melanie laughs. “I appreciate your support, babe. Your turn.”

Georgie deliberates for a while, then winces. “Sorry, Melanie. I’m going to have to go with Jon on this one.”

“Ha!” Jon says.

“I just don’t think I could deal with being married to the Daily Mail.”

“Cowards, both of you!” Melanie exclaims loudly, but is quickly shushed by both Jon and Georgie with a “Martin!” She continues in a quieter voice, “And before you say anything, Georgie, I know that’s not actually possible for you, but I’m sticking by my words.” She shakes her head. “I can’t believe this. The heartbreak. The betrayal. From my own wife, and right after she said she would willingly divorce me…”

“Stop taking my words out of context!”

“Can’t, my new spouse Mx. Mail is a bad influence”(—“Which is exactly why it's better to marry Heathrow instead,” Georgie interjects—)“but at least it’d side with me against Jon.”

Jon grins. “It’s the biromanticism, Melanie. It gives me and Georgie the same taste.”

At this, Melanie sputters. “Nuh-uh. No way. Absolutely no way. Your bad choices are the results of your own bad opinions. Don’t bring me into it.”

Melanie continues to speak, but Jon is no longer listening. He feels, suddenly, like he’s missing something important. “What?” he asks, causing Melanie to pause. “How have I brought you into it?”

“Well… you said being bi makes you choose the worse option,” Melanie says, which just confuses Jon more. Then, “Wait, Jon, you do know I’m bisexual, right?”

Ah. That would do it.

“Not… not quite.”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says. “Seriously?”

“You—I’ve only ever heard you call yourself gay!” Jon cries, giving Melanie and Georgie the chance to shush him with “Martin!”

Melanie shakes her head mournfully. “I’ve been your friend—okay, not quite that, but I’ve known you—for years!”

“I was trying to save the world during most of those years!”

“You also had spooky all-knowing powers,” Georgie adds.

Jon feels his leg begin to bounce. “Well, yes, but I was actively trying not to use them on people. Checking someone’s sexuality would be a gross violation of—”

“It’s okay, Jon,” Melanie says soothingly, “I know you wouldn’t do that.” There is quiet for a few seconds as Jon takes a few deep breaths. Then, Melanie says in a wryer tone, “Jon. One of my sets of prosthetic eyes is literally the bi pride flag. I know I don’t wear it that often, but…”

“I’ve only seen it once, in bad lighting, and… I don't know, I thought maybe you were just being supportive!”

“Oh my god,” Georgie says again, her voice muffled by the pillow she’s buried her face in. Jon feels like burying his face into a pillow himself.

“This is awful,” Jon groans.

“Stop being biphobic, Jon,” Melanie says.

“Stop being bi-aced, Jon,” Georgie says, which is unfortunately quite good.

“Fine,” Jon says. “This isn’t awful. It is, instead, wonderful.” He means the last sentence to come out begrudging, but it sounds more sincere than anything else. Jon blames his emotions. Now that the initial surprise has worn off, warmth is beginning to replace it. It’s not that he’s particularly starved for bi friends, but it’s nice, having one more thing that ties him and Melanie together.

“Thank you.” Melanie gives Jon a haughty sniff, but she smiles as she does it.

Jon’s neck is beginning to strain, but Melanie is still resting her head on top of his, and he doesn’t want to bother her. He closes his eyes and tries to focus his attention elsewhere. He can take a few minutes more.

“I just realized something,” Melanie says. “Jon, I’m literally under a bi pride blanket right now.” Georgie starts to giggle again.

“I’m asleep,” says Jon.

“Yeah, under a bi pride blanket that I, too, am currently under. Because I’m bi.”

“I’m double asleep,” says Jon.

“And I’m bi,” says Melanie.

“I know it’s useless to ask, but is there any chance we can forget about this and pretend I’ve known all along?”

“No,” Melanie and Georgie say in unison.

“Great,” Jon replies, and hides his smile in his bisexual friend’s shoulder.

#the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #melanie king #georgie barker #melanie qing #fic

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bookandcover · 3 years

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Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe…they do! They really, really do! This was such a phenomenal book! It’s 1987 and narrator Ari is a 15-year-old Mexican American boy living in El Paso who feels perpetually misfit. He doesn’t understand how to relate to other boys his age; he doesn’t understand his father, silent and troubled after years of serving in Vietnam; he doesn’t understand his mother’s silence when it comes to his older brother who is in prison, but who might as well be dead. Then, his world is utterly changed when fellow 15-year-old Dante befriends him. Dante is many things Aristotle is not: in love with the world and his life, passionate about books and art, open about his feelings, affectionate with his parents, and Dante charges through life with a joyous innocence that extends from his love for all living things right down to his unwillingness to wear shoes outside.

I loved every page of this book, from the tough parts to the surprising plot twists to the stunning portraits of both boys’ relationships with each of their parents, to the glorious ending which felt like a rainstorm breaking over the desert Ari loves—a therapeutic release of emotion. First off, the writing and voice is beautiful and spot-on. Ari is our narrator and every word sounds like him. He’s troubled and stubborn, but also quiet and attentive. He has a strong sense of justice, a strong moral compass, and clever and sarcastic sense of humor. We know him, and through his eyes we know deeply the other pivotal figures in his life. Ari’s growth over the course of the novel is seamless, as is the growth of his relationships with the other characters. Let’s start with Dante. Dante is beautiful in Ari’s eyes and therefore in ours. His soul is beautiful. Just like Ari, we long to protect that innocence. A third of the way through the book, one of the significant plot twists is the back-to-back events of Dante announcing that he’ll be leaving El Paso for a year—his family is moving to Chicago for his dad’s one year sabbatical—and a car speeding in the rain nearly killing both Dante and Aristotle. Ari moves instinctively and shoves Dante out of the way. The car crushes his legs. I gasped aloud reading this section. It’s unclear for several pages if Dante has survived and what, exactly, has happened, as we experience these scenes with the full confusion and disorientation that Ari experiences. This is the first event that shifts Ari and Dante’s relationship. Dante is wracked by guilt and Ari tries desperately to move them past this, to equalize their light-hearted friendship once again.

Dante moves to Chicago, writes letters to Ari who only occasionally responds, and then moves back. Everything continues to change. Dante is no longer so innocent, but he is still as pure of heart. In true Dante fashion, he is not afraid of who he is and he tells Ari openly that he’s gay and that he likes boys. Ari, again, tries to hang onto the past, tries to keep their relationship the way it’s always been. Near the end of the book, their relationship changes again after another dramatic twist (although, perhaps both of these should have looked to us as inevitable, as they match the personalities of both characters) that leaves one of our favorite duo severely injured. This time, Dante is hospitalized, after he’s beaten up by a group of boys who see him kissing another boy. Ari goes on an emotionally-driven rampage in response. He confronts the boy who Dante was kissing and learns that Daniel fled while Dante faced up to the bullies (very true to character) and discovers the names of two of the four boys who beat Dante up. Furious, Ari goes to find one of these boys and fights with him, sending him to the hospital in turn. Both these events evidence Ari’s deep need to defend and protect Dante, and both events change Dante himself and the relationship between Ari and Dante.

Both events remove some of Dante’s lightness. He understands in different ways what’s at stake when he’s expressing his identity. He worries over telling his parents that he’s gay and he’s thrilled when his mom is pregnant again, insisting that the child needs to be a boy and he needs to love girls. After Dante is beaten up, the truth about his identity comes out, and his dad is saddened as he asks Ari why his son didn’t tell him, why he didn’t feel he could tell him the truth. While Dante is no longer quite so light-hearted, his strength in his convictions is never shaken. While these events are dramatic, it’s the slow disappointment of his unrequited love for Ari that is perhaps changing Dante the most. Dante tries for a long time to show Ari his love. He talks Ari into things, shares his drawings of Ari, kisses him, and eventually tells him how he feels. But, by the end of the book, we see the way the hopelessness of Dante’s love for Ari is aging him and saddening him. When, in the final scene, Ari starts to tell Dante of his feelings in return, Dante’s instinct is to draw back, to tell Ari that he can’t do this. Dante has been too hurt by the day-to-day pain of loving Ari and believing this love is not returned. Ari, on the other hand, has reached a place of openness in which love has become stronger than the boundaries he has always built around his heart. He has become more like Dante—more willing to wear his heart on his sleeve—and Dante has become more like Ari—more cautious, more aware that the world is not as magical as he believed it to be. Beautifully, these boys meet in the middle, somewhere between their two natures.

Ari’s character development feels like healing. He begins this book in a place of tension, with himself and with his family. It takes him a long time to uncover the truth: the truth of his heart and his feelings and his sexuality, the truth about his brother, the truth about his father, the truth about his mother, the truth about his aunt (who was queer and estranged from her extended family while accepted only by Ari’s immediate family)…As Ari peels back these layers seeking the truth he seems to be liberating himself. Interestingly, the truth about his brother is a truth he always knew he needed. He wanted to know what happened and why his parents didn’t speak of this. The truths he learns about his father and mother seem to be by-products of this central truth, or part of the natural process of growing up and discovering the complexity of one’s parents as people. The truth about himself seems to be the deepest layer, the hardest to uncover, but one that is tied to learning these other truths. I thought it was poignant that his father, always so silent and internal, is the one to tell Ari the truth about his feelings for Dante. That his father, who Ari has always perceived to hold so much inside, is able to bare his soul and tell his Vietnam story (the deep guilt he feels for having left a man behind to die, that this is what haunts him most) and then, in the same conversation, tell his son that he knows his son is in love with his male best friend seemed like the perfect parallel. It is somehow always easier to see the truth in someone else than in yourself. Ari’s mother’s unveiling of her heart is similar, as she tells Ari the truth that is hardest for her to face—the truth about Ari’s brother who was imprisoned for killing with his bare hands a prostitute he picked up who turned out to be a man—and after revealing this, she is there in agreement as Ari’s father reveals the hardest truth for Ari to hear. I loved how she shows her son that his hardest truth doesn’t need to continue to be painful, that he doesn’t need to feel ashamed, that he can heal fully, as she says “Ashamed of what? Of loving Dante?” In asking this question, she shows Ari that shame is so far from the way he should feel about love.

I don’t think I’ve ever read a book with a better characterization of the relationships between children and parents. These parents are incredible people. They are far from perfect, but they try so hard to understand their children and they love them so fiercely. Early in the book, Ari is closer with his mother than his father. His witty banter with his mom, who co-opts Ari calling her a fascist as a way to tease him, shows their similar ways of being in the world. But in nature, Ari is more like his quiet father who holds a whole war inside himself. Ari grows to realize the ways that his reluctance to take the truth out and look at it has echoes in his mother’s nature as well, and that his father might be more light-hearted than he’d assumed (he goes bowling regularly with Mr. Quintana). Dante, on the other hand, feels more early affinity for his father who is also funny and fun-loving and contrasted to his composed mother. Yet, we see how deeply Mrs. Quintana loves (I loved the moment where, after Ari saves Dante’s life in the car accident, Mrs. Quintana tells Ari that she will love him forever, and Ari knows that she means it), and we see how her moral conviction and weight is somehow like her son’s, as he matures into himself. Mrs. Quintana sees everything about Dante in a way his father does not; his father, who more often lives in the moment, is blind-sided to realize his son is gay and never told him. Both of Dante’s parents are rejuvenated by Mrs. Quintana’s pregnancy, and they behave like young lovers, as they take Ari’s truck for a spin. Their age difference with Ari’s parents is never closely commented on, but it’s something I thought about as a friendship square is foraged among the parents, and opened to include their sons. By the end of the novel, Ari feels like Dante does: he knows he loves his parents; he’s crazy about them.

I loved how, late in the book, we finally get the first names of Ari’s parents—Lilly and Jaime—when they have become, for him, fully realized beings and when they have, through their bravery in confronting their hardest truths, helped their son to confront his. I bawled through the penultimate scene of this book when Ari’s dad tells him about his time in Vietnam. I felt like Ari’s dad was showing him that the most painful regret was to leave someone behind, that leaving someone behind is what haunts you, and that he doesn’t want his son to leave someone behind…and that someone is himself, a version of his true self that Ari might have chosen to shut out from his life for so long that he would never be able to truly heal. Instead, because of the willingness of Ari’s parents to still grow and change as settled adults, to strive for more openness with their son, they teach Ari openness with himself. Ari is not his brother and they see him for who he is rather than projecting Bernardo onto Ari. Although, when he comes home after having beaten up Julian (Dante’s attacker), his parents show an instinctual fear that he is like his brother—using his hands for violence—and his father reacts punitively (“I’m selling your truck”) like he must have done to his brother, Ari is able to tell the truth of his motivations and his parents are able to slow down and see him. This is such a powerful testament to the ability of parents and children to grow into their relationships with each, a positive growth that requires change in both of them. The healing of Ari’s family, their blossoming closeness, forms the central arc of this novel. Yes, this is a love story. It is a story of Ari coming to terms with his sexuality and accepting his love for Dante. But, more fundamentally, it’s the story of his relationship with his family, because in healing themselves, they heal each other. I adored all of these characters and l didn’t want their stories to end. Ending the novel felt like saying goodbye to friends.

#aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe #benjamin alire sáenz #amazing book!!!!#ya lit #the best of the best #this book changed me #i loved it so much #important reading #the parents????#i bawled my eyes out #ari and dante #icons #fourth book of 2021

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longinglook · 3 years

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I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw.

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet.

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing.

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

#meta #gaya sa pelikula #like in the movies #i told sunset about you #text

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gaylorlyrics · 4 years

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Dancing with Our Hands Tied

This song is about Kissgate - the scandal at the 1975 concert that Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift attended together. During the show they kissed, and it was caught on video - unleashing a PR nightmare for both of them. A few days after the concert Taylor tweeted “As my 25th birthday present from the media, I'd like for you to stop accusing all my friends of dating me. #thirsty”.

I, I loved you in secret

Unlike the highly publicized relationships that Taylor is regularly in with men, her relationship with Karlie is kept quiet in order to protect both of their images and manage their PR - or at least it was until Kissgate.

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

Karlie and Taylor had an instant connection when they met and we’re immediately attached at the hip. Karlie tweeted “We were both young when I first saw you” with a picture of Taylor after they met for the first time. (Also - wow - so gay).

Oh, twenty-five years old

Taylor was 25 when the fallout from Kissgate happened, in Dec 2014.

Oh, how were you to know, and My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden

This line talks about how Taylor had been in a funk, but now has found something so good that it washes the negativity all away. Taylor describes her lover as golden several times on reputation (ex. Dress), a theme that continues on Lover. This color in a motif used for Karlie, and it is inspired by her blonde hair, her sunshine disposition, and that one time her and Taylor literally painted each other golden when they did golden flash tattoos at Drake’s birthday party.

Oh, and you held me close Oh, how was I to know that

I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets Picture of your face in an invisible locket

Even though Karlie and Taylor are in love, they still have to keep it a secret - hence the metaphor of an “invisible locket”. They can’t actually declare their love, but they still hold it close to their hearts. This could also be a reference to this image - where Taylor is wearing a necklace with a “K” on it. (Full disclosure - this image is very edited in order to see the letter, because it is a very faint engraving. The original image does not clearly show the “K”.)

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it/I had a bad feeling

Karlie “Sunshine” Kloss is optimistic about their relationship, and only seeing the amazing things that they can be together - but Taylor is worried and scared that something bad will happen.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis People started talking, putting us through our paces

After Kissgate there were endless rumors about Kaylor and they had to backpedal and scale back their public displays of friendship and affection - leading us to now, when they are never seen together and the general public seems to think they’re feuding.

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing

Literally Karlie and Taylor are dancing together in the videos from Kissgate.

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

“Dancing with our hands tied” is a metaphor about being constrained while doing something joyful. Dance is an act of celebration. Like love, it is something good and happy and an expression of pure emotion. However, with your hands tied the expression is oppressed. You can’t really dance in the same joyful way if your hands are tied with someone else - but your shared bounds force you to stay together. This is a metaphor for Karlie & Taylor after Kissgate. They were suddenly muzzled - they could no longer show their affection for each other as freely as before, so though they were stuck in the situation together their love was constrained. The joyful act was suddenly turned on them and created their own prison.

Yeah, we were dancing Like it was the first time, first time This is an interesting reference to a “first dance”, like a couple would participate in at their wedding.

Yeah, we were dancing Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied Yeah, we were dancing And I had a bad feeling But we were dancing

I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us

Taylor loves Karlie, even though she is worried that the world (PR, fans, the general public) will turn against them and tear them apart. [If this was about Toe, why would she be worried that the world would divide a heterosexual relationship??]

So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche?

She wants to know if they will be able to stay together, even when things get hard.

And say, say that we got it I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted Oh, 'cause it's gravity Oh, keeping you with me

Here Taylor is worried that even if they do get to stay together there will still be other problems. Her insecurity of being a “mess” creeps in.

PRE CHORUS

CHORUS

I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down

This is an interesting reference to John Mayer’s song Slow Dancing In A Burning Room. The metaphor is that you are in a catastrophic situation with the person you love, but you ignore the catastrophe and just keep holding each other close.

I'd hold you as the water rushes in If I could dance with you again

Taylor is saying that she would stay with Karlie throughout anything. This also provides a little bit of hope - if water rushes in to a burning room then fire goes out...but then you have to deal with all the water. So it’s hopeful, but it’s also saying that there are many different obstacles that they will have to face together.

I'd kiss you as the lights went out Swaying as the room burned down I'd hold you as the water rushes in If I could dance with you again

CHORUS

#Kaylor #taylor swift #Karlie Kloss #dancing with our hands tied #reputation

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gottlem · 4 years

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the best type of chaos. (1/?)

a/n : here is the season 12 highschool au nobody asked for !!! there’s a few different ships going on, so you’ll have to keep reading to find out who ends up with who!

summary: twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but they girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together. (chapter 1, 2k words)

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school.

They would sit in the same seats at the same table each day, their routine hardly ever being broken. The only two girls who weren’t there everyday were Gigi and Nicky, both being ‘popular’ girls and sitting with their other friends most days. They both preferred their little family of twelve though, loving the ability to be authentically themselves.

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly through her windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start.

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, each year it seemed to get better, which meant reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’.

��I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them staying in the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“I know! I know, but it was summer then and now it’s not and we’ll still see eachother but it won’t be the same because now we’ll be worrying about school and we can’t just hang out. We’ll have like no spare time!”

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let's go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day gets too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

Crystal couldn’t help but steal glances at the girl next to her on the way to school. She had always found Gigi beautiful. The way she walks, the way she talks. Crystal would never admit this aloud, not like it wasn’t already painfully obvious to everyone but Gigi, but she was in deep. It didn’t help that Gigi had started interrogating her on their walk.

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? That would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she had to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her.

Crystal stopped walking. Gigi was right, she hadn’t mentioned her girlfriend in a while because she hadn’t even thought about her. She broke it off at the beginning of Summer, when she began to realise she had rising feelings for someone else. She wasn’t even that bothered by the break up, which was surprising because Crystal felt every emotion so strongly she would often get overwhelmed.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her striaght best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times.

“You guys broke up?! Oh my god, do I need to kill her? Because I will. Are you ok? Because all summer you seemed to be ok and, I mean this with so much love, I kind of expected you to be a mess if things didn’t work out”

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with you’ No. Absolutely not.

“Yeah um, I guess we both kinda lost feelings for eachother and decided we’d be better off as friends. I really am ok G, promise. Thanks for checking though. Anyways! Are you ok? I know you never really talked about your breakup much. That guy rubbed me the wrong way”

Gigi froze. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t even know if she could admit that to herself yet.

“Yeah I’m ok. I don’t wanna talk about it” Gigi cursed her voice for cracking at the end. Crystal’s face softened at her friend’s vulnerability and chose to respond by intertwining their fingers together and giving Gigi’s hand a squeeze. The action probably wasn’t good for either of them.

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the yeah ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other's company, and their friendship was built on trust and love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You're being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring at each other and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm in those last few words, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over exaggerated wink, just to get her point across.

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t dent that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing it from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. They didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

The first few lessons of the day passed painfully slow for everyone. Crystal spent most of her time sneaking looks at Gigi. Jan spent the day looking forward to the first basketball practise of the year. Dahlia managed to start two rumours by accident (both about herself, somehow). Brita and Aiden had already fallen out and made up twice before the end of third period. Rock M doodled through all her lessons, hoping the teachers wouldn’t call on her - most classes were doing start-of-the-year admit tasks anyways.

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their usual routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was.

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok no you don’t need to ask any further questions ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, and who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone)

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her”

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she wasn’t here.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.

#i hope you like this #chapters might be longer or shorter pls tell me what you want!!!#if you want chapter 2 pls tell me!!!#i have some ideas on what could happen its gonna be fun #gigi goode #crystal methyd #just jan #jan sport #jackie cox #jaida essence hall #the essence of beauty #i love jaida #rpdr #rpdr12 #rpdr fanfiction #the best type of chaos #nicky doll

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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The Best Type of Chaos, 1/? (S12 Group Fic) - Lau

a/n- welcome the the s12 highschool au that nobody asked for but i’m writing anyway! this is my first time submitting anything here so i hope y'all like it (and i did it right) there will be plenty of ships so keep your eyes peeled!!

summary - twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but the girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together.

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a small break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school.

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly throughher windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start.

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, which seemed to only get better each year, meaning reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time it ended. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’.

“I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them refusing to leave the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let’s go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day got too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? Because that would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she did actually have to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her, Gigi was just using humour to get round it. Maybe to try to make it less awkward.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had. Funny.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her straight best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times.

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with my straight best friend. You.’ No. Absolutely not.

Gigi’s mind suddenly went blank. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t know if she could even admit that to herself yet.

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the year ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other’s company, and their friendship was built on love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You’re being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed, void of any actual humour, as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over-exaggerated wink, just to get her point across.

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t deny that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing anything from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. Besides, they didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their well-loved routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was.

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok, no you don’t need to ask any further questions, ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, oh my god did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone),

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her” Dahlia was laughing. Crystal didn’t think it was very funny. She looked over to the table where Gigi was sat, Gigi was already looking at her, smiling.

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she couldn’t hear this.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.

#rpdr fanfiction #crystal methyd #gigi goode #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #nicky doll #dahlia sin #aiden zhane #brita filter #rock m sakura #high school au #lesbian au #the best type of chaos #lau #concrit welcome #submission #s12

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sincerelyreidburke · 4 years

Note

i know this is quinnamon roll's theatre time here rn, but how does he get on with the other cricket children rhododendron and rat boy? was Nando nervous to introduce them? what do rhododendron and ratatouille think of quinnjamin?? (idk why i cant just use their names tbh sorry)

My friend, forgive me! This response to your ask has been slightly delayed. But now is a good time to reiterate that, as a PSA, if you send me an ask, I will answer it— even if that doesn’t happen right away. The way I sort through my inbox isn’t exactly arbitrary, because I do try to go from oldest to newest, but sometimes I’ll get several asks about the same concept or character, and I’ll decide I want to space them out a little.

Anyway. That was just an aside. This ask covers a generally broad cricket topic, so let’s start out the week on a wholesome note.

(This came in during a Quinn Theatre Hours session, which is context for the qualifying sentence. And feel free to ask me anything about the crickets!)

First of all, I seriously appreciate your inability to use their actual names. It’s a big mood. I’m sort of getting ahead of myself on the answer to your question here, but Rhodey does exactly what you did in your ask with Quinn all the time. As in, he can’t call him Quinn. He’s Q, or Quinnothy, or Quinnjamin, or His Royal Highness Sir Quinnington III, et cetera. Mostly, he’s just Q. But Rhodey is a goofball, and he gives him random not-names constantly.

Anyway, let’s backtrack a little, because there’s a thorough answer in store for your question.

Before he and Quinn actually become official, Nando has talked about Quinn to Rhodey and Touille. This starts early, probably on the night they meet at that Halloween party. He probably doesn’t say much right away, just that he was talking to a guy and he had a good night.

Touille doesn’t really latch onto this, because he’s not attentive when it comes to relationships. Rhodey, wingman of the century, absolutely does. Dude, when are you seeing that guy again? Did you find him on Instagram? You should ask Ford about him. What, are you gonna let a prime opportunity slip through your hands like this!???! N A N N Y. Bro. You gotta try to see him again. You guys talked for like three entire hours.

The reason Rhodey is adamant about this is: although I would absolutely not say that Nando let his failing relationship with N*te ruin his first two or so months at Samwell, he definitely let it affect him emotionally at least a little. I mean, how could he not? He was genuinely invested in making that work as an LDR, and N*te so obviously was not, so Nando was the one trying to keep the entire operation from collapsing. I don’t know why I’m making a relationship sound like a government strategy, but anyway. The point is. The only impression Rhodey has of Nando’s love live up to the point he meets Quinn is that Nando got treated like shit (and then cheated on) by his ex.

Rhodey, as his best friend, obviously thinks this sucks majorly and wants the best for Nando. So when a boy walks into Nando’s life whom Nando is obviously sweet on, Rhodey thinks he should seize the opportunity.

Anyway, that’s why Rhodey knows right away that he wants to set Quinn up with Nando for Winter Screw. And when Screw goes well, he considers it a huge win for his judgement and his best friend’s well-being.

So Nando and Quinn court. It’s soft. It’s schmoopy. They take, like, two weeks to actually become official because they’re both so useless and gay that each of them is waiting for the other to drop the will you be my boyfriend question. Finally, Quinn gets tired of ambiguity, and he just asks. Then they’re dating. And all is well.

The first time Quinn meets Rhodey and Touille is before they’re dating, but not long before that at all. Nando has talked about his friends, and he and Quinn are starting to make a habit of meeting up for some meals, so one day for lunch, he texts Quinn to come and meet him with his other freshman hockey friends.

Quinn is nervous, but Nando is more nervous. The reason Quinn is nervous is that he’s still sort of wary of jocks. Let it be known that Quinn has no deep-seeded jock trauma; he’s just a theatre kid, and the Samwell drama club in particular has reservations about the school’s athletes. Quinn is an incredibly confident person, and he’s not ashamed of himself or the things he loves to do or the way he is in the slightest. But he likes Sebastián, a whole lot, and he wants to be his boyfriend, and he knows how important his team friends are to him— so Quinn desperately wants his friends to like him. The thought of them disliking him or judging him makes him a little nervous.

(Quinn is literally that John Mulaney bit where he’s like “I need everyone to like me so much, all of the time!!!!!!!”)

Nando is more nervous, though, like I said. And the reasons are relatively similar. He wants Rhodey and Touille to get along with Quinn. Like Quinn, he is experiencing feelings of wanting to be his boyfriend. His best friends from back home did not get along with N*te, and it was a recipe for discomfort. Rhodey and Touille not liking Quinn wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for him, but it would leave him in an awkward situation, and he knows that.

He just feels so soft on him, and he wants his friends to understand how much he likes him, and how great he is.

Okay, so finally! We’ve reached the point of the post. Quinn comes to lunch. He introduces himself to them in his funny little formal way and sits down, and for the briefest, most terrifying second, Quinn realizes he brought nothing prepared for them to talk about.

And then Rhodey, because he is Rhodey, breaks the ice, and everything is uphill from there.

Rhodey gets along with people easily, and so does Nando. Touille may be a little more introverted, but he feeds off of their energy, and it makes their trio socially effective. So the conversation over lunch is animated and enjoyable, because the three crickets already work so well on their own, and they welcome Quinn right into the fold perfectly.

Once Rhodey and Touille learn they’re actually, officially dating, they’re well pleased. Because they like Quinn.

Now. In general? I want to talk a little about Rhodey and Quinn’s dynamic, because it’s priceless. They get along very well, to the point where Rhodey has a genuine friendship with Quinn that exists outside of Nando. Oh, sure, it’s based in the fact that Nando is dating Quinn, but the two of them just get along. They team up to organize for Nando’s birthday, bond over queer culture stuff (Rhodey and Quinn force Nando to watch Drag Race and it’s the best), share music recommendations, and just generally vibe. When Rhodey starts his secret undercover drag queen thing, Quinn is his costumer and also his makeup artist. Because apparently that’s a thing.

Alsooooooo Rhodey has emotional venting hours to Quinn when he’s being Angsty about a certain dumb Canadian rat boy.

Also, Rhodey is the king of chirping. He does a hilarious Quinn impression over team breakfast when Nando is being roasted for being a simp, and he does the refusal to call him by his actual name thing that we discussed above.

The four of them hang out all the time. I’ve mentioned briefly that Quinn is to the crickets as Farmer is to the frogs, and that’s absolutely true. The three crickets hang out on their own plenty, of course, but when Quinn tags along, there’s nothing awkward about it. Like, Rhodey and Touille aren’t the kind of friends who are like ugh, he always brings the person he’s dating around. Because the person Nando is dating is also their friend.

They do go clubbing together. I’m not even sorry about it. They’ll all cram themselves into Quinn’s tiny room and pregame while they get ready. “Why don’t they use Rhodey and Nando’s room, Mel?” Because the clubbing doesn’t start until their sophomore year, when Rhodey and Nando both live in the Haus in separate rooms, and they’re avoiding Captain Whiskey trying to be discreet.

The point is: Rhodey and Touille love Quinn, and he loves them right back. There’s no room for friends-clashing-with-boyfriend angst in Nando’s story.

Also, this is very much a found-family thing for Quinn, because his sister is the only actual family he has, and she’s far away. In Nando, and by extension in his friends, Quinn finds a home.

Thank you for the ask! :D

#oc taddies #crickets #quindo

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fragnanceinth4w · 4 years

Text

True Ending ?

Before you keep reading this has massive spoilers for the game... Like Seven route, Secret Endings, Jumin route, V route, Judge or Forgive..... Don't read if you haven't cleared the game haha thanks

Welcome to me ranting about how toxic the MysMe fandom is again !!! Or just read me yelling about the game in general.. This time I'm going talk about Seven, or Saeyoung if you prefer jdkskdjd.

First off, let me start by saying I have nothing against him, LIKE NOTHING I REALLY DON'T LIKE ABOUT HIM. I love him so much and he's my son 🥺 And of course he deserves to be healthy and happy and all. My only problem is not with the character itself, but with the character's fandom. Same goes for Ray but we're not about to start another thing now 🤡

Everyone talks about Seven as if he's the "true route" "true ending" and "canon". No. He's not?? I mean, I don't know, I never asked Cheritz specifically, so if anyone reading this has proof where Cheritz directly says he is the canon ending and he's the one the MC is supposed to end up with, PLEASE message me, and I will shut up. Trust me, I just did some research and I can't seem to find where Cheritz confirms that... And this is about the "reset" theory as well, where does it say that Seven loves you in every route? Because if that's true, I'm going to feel... Really guilty about it. Jk I won't lmao. Why would he like me in the first place? He doesn't even know me... I didn't even try to get close to him lmao. So if you find something that I can't seem to be able to find, I'm a message away. :)

I don't like Seven's ending. I don't like it, like AT ALL. And not because you don't end up with Jihyun (People talk that way about his route.. Saying you don't end up with Saeran) but because he DIES. It's pretty much self-explanatory that he dies in all the other routes (except his!!) as well,(excluding Saeran, because I haven't played it yet.. But I heard he gets a bad ending there too) since he stays in Mint Eye and we all know he'll end up dead anyways.. It's what he wants. He wants to protect everyone and he is willing to give up his life to save them. But in Seven's ending, not only they (kind of) SHOW HOW HE DIES but he also DIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF JUMIN, HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND. Jihyun is literally the only one he has. He doesn't have a mother, his father is basically ignoring him with his shitty gold diggers and he's not close to anyone in the RFA. HE IS COLD BECAUSE HE THINKS SHOWING HIS FEELINGS DOESN'T MATTER. He doesn't even want to become friends with anyone at all.

(Another kinda big parenthesis here, the reason why he doesn't like women isn't because "Does Jumin Han is gay" or whatever, I DESPISE that stupid "joke" so much, it's not funny at all, and it's so unoriginal. It's the other way around, he and Jihyun are the ones that are most likely to be straight,since they both were canonically "in love" with Rika and in their respective routes, they end up with MC. The reason why he doesn't like women is because of the amount of women his father dates. He doesn't know that there could be someone that would truly care about him, not for his money, but for he, as a person. He thinks all women are the same, and he's not completely wrong.. most of us are like this. It's all so much deeper than "he's gay!!" and it is not funny or something you should joke about. He is not a character that should be used for LGBT+ representation or whatever.)

Back to our topic, Jumin and Jihyun were best friends for about two decades. (not one!!! They didn't meet when they were 15, tf) (And they also shouldn't be shipped together????? They're best friends, their friendship is so pure.. Stop misunderstanding it??????????) How would you feel like if you watched your childhood best friend, the one you've been friends with for 20 years, pretty much the only one you still have by your side, just die? And you could do nothing to save him?? You do not overcome something like that.. It's permanent trauma. And it's even worse considering that this is not his route, meaning that now he's left with nobody. Since Seven and Jumin share a story mode, (I mean Deep Story..) the Sarah storyline is canon, and Jumin probably ends up with her.. Which only just makes things even worse for him.

You know let's just say, this is Seven's route. It's not Jumin, so obviously he can't be happy, or as much happy as Seven. I can accept that.. What annoys me is that everyone says Seven's ending is the true ending.

How is it the true ending though? The only ones that actually end up happy is Seven, Saeran and MC. Again, THIS IS NOT WRONG, IT IS ONLY NORMAL TO NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE EVERYONE HAPPY.

Right?

No??????? Have y'all even played Judge or Forgive???????????? I mean of course you haven't, y'all's asses are stuck to Saeran route and sobbing over how "his AE isn't out yet !!!!!!!!!!!" like bitch shut the fuck up at least you got a kiss CG. Anyways, if you even bothered to do V route and his AE, Saeran doesn't die !!!! He actually is happy !!!!!!!! You know who else is happy? SEVEN IS HAPPY. Like actually happy.

This is the reason why I consider V's ending the true ending.. Of course part of the reason is because he's my fav but I actually can support my opinion with arguments.. Unlike y'all saying Seven route is true ending because his route has the most plot twists (????? and how does that make it the true ending ?????)

You see, V's ending actually leaves pretty much everyone satisfied. Of course not everyone is HAPPY HAPPY but at least nobody dies??????? Seven and Saeran finally meet and Saeran "forgives Seven for abandoning him" (yeah I ain't blaming him, there was nothing he could do really) and like they're actually happy lol. Yeah they're HAPPY HAPPY because they don't need a girl more than they need each other.

I remember making a post on Instagram were I talked about how I consider V's ending the canon one because it leaves everyone happy and someone just commented that Saeran dies in his route?? I answered saying that he actually is not dead and he is safe and happy in the end and they kept talking bullshit like "yeah but he's not really happy" UHHH????? HE IS??????? JUST BECAUSE HE'S NOT WITH THE MC DOESN'T MEAN HE CAN'T BE HAPPY????

Tbh this is just my personal opinion but I think Saeran needs a family more than he needs MC... I haven't played his route yet and maybe it's because I played V's too many times but I CANNOT picture him as my boyfriend or husband.. I see him as my son. And I think that he'd be happier with Seven (his brother) and V (his father figure) rather than just MC as his wife. Then again, that's only my opinion.. It just kinda annoys me how obsessed he is with you at the start of Another Story and how you kinda support that obsession if you get his route.. That's not really true. I think the MC only wants to help him, but why can't we do that in V's route..? Do y'all really HAVE to date someone to believe they're happy?

How about everyone can think whatever they want?? Like, we can choose whatever ending we like?? (Bad Endings excluded, cough cough Rika stans, cough cough toxic Jumin "stans") If someone thinks Yoosung is the true ending, that's up to them.. Do not just go around saying Seven is true ending as if it's confirmed and actually canon.. Because it's not. We don't care about how much you like him and how cute and funny he is. Shut the fuck up.

I've been typing for literal days so Imma just saying this lastly, EVEN RIKA IS HAPPY IN V'S AE. I don't really know about Judge Ending cause I heard it's fucked up but in Forgive Ending, she actually becomes a better person. Like truly regrets everything she did and actually does good to people. This is the only Rika I approve of.. Shut the fuck up toxic Rika stans 🤢🤢🤮

Anyways yeah that's all.. My personal opinion, don't you even think about fucking attacking me you toxic assholes (only talking about the toxic part of the fandom...) But we can argue :^)

Have a great day / night ~ ✨

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avengerscompound · 5 years

Text

Undercover - Chapter 9

Undercover: A Winterhawk Fanfic

Series Masterlist Previous //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x F!Reader

Word Count: 1617

Rating: E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo - Coming Out Fic

Warnings: Sex talk

Synopsis: You go on an undercover mission with your boyfriend Bucky and Clint Barton. When you and Clint have to pretend you’re in a relationship feelings become confused.

Chapter 9

Bucky walked nervously down the hall, flanked on both sides by you and Clint. He was on his way to Steve’s office. He’d decided he needed to tell his best friend about his sexuality before the three of you went and outed your whole relationship to the group. Steve had known him since he was a kid. They’d shared a bed for Christ’s sake. If he was going to come out, he needed to do it to Steve first.

He did worry though. Not that Steve wouldn’t accept him. After he’d taken him in and loved him after the monster HYDRA made him, Bucky didn’t think there was much Steve could learn that would kill their friendship or the love they shared. What he worried about was that hearing it would hurt him. That keeping this secret and not trusting Steve with it would cause him pain. He told Steve everything back in the day. It was not like Bucky’s sexuality was a new thing. He should have told him back then.

They reached Steve’s office. It had large windows down the hall side and Bucky could see him in there working on some paperwork. He stood at the door willing himself to just knock.

You put your hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Bucky shrugged a little. “Yes. No. I mean, I know he’s not gonna reject me. I just feel bad.”

“Hey,” Clint said. He ran his hand down Bucky’s forearm and linked their fingers together. “All this shit - sexuality, relationships, whatever - it’s yours. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. So what if you only want to come out now we’re doing this? That’s okay. If you’d never wanted to come out that would have been okay too.”

Bucky nodded. “I just don’t know why I never talked to him about shit like this.”

“You are now. That’s pretty big.” You said.

He nodded again and let go of Clint’s hand. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Steve looked up. “It’s open.” He called.

Bucky steeled himself and went through the door, you and Clint following after. Steve tilted his head and looked you all over. “Hey, is there a mission I wasn’t aware of?”

“No,” Bucky said, taking the seat opposite Steve. “This is personal.”

Steve looked between the three of you with a slightly confused expression on his face before closing up a folder on his desk and sitting back. “Shoot.”

Bucky’s eyes flicked from you to Clint to his hands and then to Steve before he took a deep breath. “Oh god, I don’t even know how to say it. I don’t know the label.”

“What label?” Steve asked.

You reached over and rubbed his leg. “Just tell him how you feel.”

“How you feel?” Steve asked.

Bucky huffed and shook his head. “Okay. So… so… I guess the thing is, that I don’t just like women. Sexually I mean. Like… I think I just like people.”

Steve furrowed his brow and then sat back in the chair. “Huh.”

Bucky looked at him and shifted in his chair. “Is that all?”

“I just …” Steve said and ran his hand through his hair. “Huh.”

“That’s not really helpful, Steve.” You said.

“Sorry,” Steve said getting up and moving to Bucky. He crouched down in front of his friend and put his hands on his shoulders. “Me too, pal.”

Bucky started laughing, quietly at first and then louder. He leaned in and pulled Steve into a tight hug and they stayed that way for a while, just holding each other until Steve slowly pulled back and looked at Bucky.

“How come you never told me?” Bucky asked.

Steve shrugged and moved back to his chair. “I guess back then I tried to push it away. I already had enough things to get bullied about. Being small and sick. Didn’t need that added to it. Besides, I like women, so I could hide it. Then when I came off the ice, I guess… well I haven’t really been with anyone have I? I don’t know. It didn’t seem to matter if I was theoretically attracted to anyone when I haven’t been attracted to anyone in any practical sense.”

Bucky nodded. “I guess that makes sense. You haven’t liked anyone?”

“There have been sparks, but they don’t seem to go anywhere. You know how I used to say I was waiting for the right partner? I don’t think that’s changed at all. Maybe that’s not something I get to have. I don’t know. What about you?”

Bucky wanted to unpack a bunch of what Steve just laid out. There was pain in his statement and he felt like he needed to help Steve deal with it, but maybe now with you and Clint wasn’t that time. Instead, he focussed on the question. “Back then? I don’t know. I think because people would say things like if a guy was were with a man they’re gay now. Then if they were with a woman they aren’t gay now. Or whatever.” He shook his head. “I thought it was a choice you made and so I chose the safe one. It never occurred to me you could be both or all.”

“Why now?” Steve asked. “And why did you tell Clint before you told me?”

“Umm… well, that’s the other thing,” Bucky said, swallowing. “Clint … we… the three of us.” He groaned and buried his face in his hands.

Steve looked between the three of you, somehow more confused looking than he was before. “You want me to tell?” You asked.

Bucky nodded and you took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Bucky, Clint and I are together.”

“Romantically?” Steve asked.

“Well there hasn’t been a tonne of romance, but yeah.” Clint joked.

“All three of you?”

“Yeah, all three.” You said.

Steve didn’t say anything for a moment and just looked the three of you over. “You’re happy, Buck?

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I am Stevie.”

“Then I guess that’s what’s important. I just want you to be happy.” Steve said. “Be careful though. I don’t want to see you hurt. Any of you.”

Bucky smiled a little and nodded. “Thanks, Stevie.” He went to stand and then stopped and looked at the blond opposite him. “Hey, you think if we’d both just been honest back then we would have … I dunno… gotten together?”

Steve looked at Bucky and wrinkled his nose. “You’re kinda like my brother, Buck?”

Bucky started laughing and got up. Steve did too and they hugged again. “You’re still a punk, you know?”

“And you’re still a jerk,” Bucky said. “You think we can call a group meeting? I kinda just want to get this all out there?”

Steve pulled back and nodded. “FRIDAY?”

“Right away, sir. I’ll have them meet you in the common living area.” The AI replied.

The four of you headed down to the common room together. Steve took a seat on one of the recliners while you, Clint and Bucky or took a seat on the couch.

Natasha was the first to arrive. She smirked when she saw the four of you. “They tell you their news?” She asked Steve as she took a seat on one of the other couches.

“Yeah, they already tell you?” Steve asked.

She laughed. “No, I caught them. They think they’re so sneaky.”

Steve laughed and shook his head. “Imagine thinking they could hide something from you.”

“Right? Idiots the lot of them.”

The rest of the group slowly trickled in looking slightly confused as they took their seats. Last of all was Tony doing his usual trick of making sure everyone knew he was in the room. “Why the family meeting? We got a teen pregnancy? Someone get suspended from school? Do you all need pocket money?”

He took a seat perched on the couch next to Pepper and leaned over and kissed her on the top of the head.

You looked over at Bucky and Clint, and Clint nodded and sat forward. “So we just wanted to get everyone together to let you all know that the three of us -” He gestured between you, Bucky and himself. “- are together. In the biblical sense.”

Natasha snorted as the others looked between the three of you.

Tony started laughing. “My god, I always knew you had a wild side, missy.” He said. “So how’s that work?”

“You don’t know how a threesome works? Aren’t you some kind of ex-playboy?” Clint asked.

“You see when a mommy and a daddy and a daddy love each other very much…” You added.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” Tony said. “So you’re really poly?”

“Yep. That’s it. Just thought you all should know in case you see us holding hands or kissing or whatever, no one is cheating on anyone. We’re all copasetic.” You said.

“Hey, Pepper, you think…” Tony started.

“No, Tony.” Pepper said shaking her head.

“Any further questions class?” Clint said.

“When did this start?” Sam asked.

“Just after that last mission. Some stuff came up. We decided to explore it. It’s kinda working. So we’re running with it.” You said.

There was silence in the room for a moment and Tony stood up. “Great talk everyone. Shall we order pizza?”

You chuckled and leaned into Bucky, he pulled you close and kissed the top of your head and then did the same to Clint. He wasn’t scared anymore. He knew how he felt and knowing his friends had his back, this could work. He might not get the life that he’d been told he should have back before the war. Really the war had ruined any chance of that for him. This though, with you and Clint, he could be happy and really above all, he wanted that above anything.

// NEXT

#bucky barnes #clint barton #hawkeye #the winter soldier #winterhawk #bucky barnes x reader #clint barton x reader #bucky barnes x clint barton x reader #bucky barnes x clint barton #winterhawk fanfic #hawkeye fanfic #the winter soldier fanfic #reader insert #fanfic #fanfiction #undercover

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dvp95 · 4 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak

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dongofthewolf · 3 years

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When You’re Lost in the Darkness, Look for the Light- Chapter 2

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

Read chapter 1 here !

After your night with Abby you head down to the cafeteria again to grab some food, still convinced it was all a dream. It’s not until you recognize a familiar face from across the room that you realize it was real, and this time she’s not alone.

Warnings: mild violence, swearing, fluff, just a lot of gay panic tbh

The new chapter is finally here !! All the positive comments on the first one made me so happy so THANK YOU for those :))

BTW that gif of Abby... both eyes open no blink (O_O)

When you woke from your slumber you were almost positive that your encounter with Abby was merely a dream or a figment of your imagination. It was the first time since moving to the base that you hadn’t woken up in a cold sweat; nightmares filled with the echoes of clickers and that piercing sound of ammo clattering on the floor was not an uncommon occurrence. After spending those two dreadful days trapped in a bunker with nothing but a pocket knife and a small handgun, a good night's sleep was something you no longer expected. You shivered as you recalled that dark, cold, concrete room you had barricaded yourself in, awaiting your death with no food, water, or supplies of any kind. It wasn’t until you heard the crashing of pipe bombs in the above levels that you snapped out of your weakened state. The WLF had on a whim decided to clear the building you were hiding out in and saved you. Your rescue was a complete stroke of luck and you weren’t sure whether to be incredibly grateful or afraid for it.

Still groggy from your sleep, you hadn’t even realized the small piece of paper that had been slipped under your door. It was from a page in a notebook that had been ripped out, and on it was a small message in neat, military handwriting: “Had a lot of fun last night :) - A”.

“So it was real!” You thought. That absolute tank of a woman wasn’t just a product of a sleep deprived trip to the communal cafeteria; she was real and every fibre of your being hoped she had enjoyed last night as much as you did.

You neatly tucked the note into your copy of Pride and Prejudice before getting ready for the day (or more like afternoon since you had slept in). After brushing your teeth and washing your face, you slipped on your military issued combat boots and a light sweatshirt before leaving your dorm.

It was still raining outside but luckily the WLF base wasn’t too chilly. Even when it snowed they always managed to maintain some modicum of heat, it seemed as though the wolves could always find ways around the pesky inconveniences of living in a post-apocalyptic world. You never really questioned it though and you knew better than to doubt Isaac’s methods. It’s not like you’ve actually met him or anything, but the stories that you had heard were enough to send a chill down your spine, and you knew that even if you did ask questions it’s not like anyone would answer them anyways.

Fortunately you hadn’t slept in past lunch because you were absolutely starving, so starving that even the shitty WLF base food was starting to smell like heaven. As you made your way into the cafeteria that was teeming with life, there was only one thing on your mind: devouring those damn burritos. Once you finally got some food you quickly sat down to demolish it, amazed at how so much happiness could be contained within the confines of a single bland tortilla and completely oblivious to the staring of a familiar pair of blue eyes from across the crowded room.

“Just talk to her already.” Manny said in a teasing tone.

Abby quickly snapped out of it “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”.

Of course Abby knew what he was talking about; in your rush to completely annihilate those burritos you had failed to notice Abby sitting at a table a few feet away. Abby couldn’t explain it but her heart was racing, the same way it would if she were in combat with a hoard or some Scars.

Manny rolled his eyes “Dude I’m not blind, you’ve been staring at her ever since she sat down. So who is she?”. He relished at the sight of Abby’s nervousness, he hadn’t seen her like this since back when she was still dating Owen.

“Huh? No hablo inglés.” Abby said sarcastically trying to get Manny off her back.

“Fine, I guess I’ll have to ask her myself.” Manny started to get up when Abby kicked his shins from under the table. Manny yelped in pain “Dude! What the hell?”.

“I will literally clock you in the face, sit your ass down right now.” Abby quickly glanced around the room to make sure no one noticed Manny writhing in pain.

Manny chuckled then smiled that classic smug grin while he gripped his definitely-bruised shins “I knew it, someone’s got a crush.”.

“God you’re annoying, I should’ve let that clicker eat you last week.” Abby said in an annoyed tone as she fell back against her chair. Abby felt a tinge of remorse for kicking Manny like that, she knew that Manny probably wouldn’t have actually walked up to you; but she couldn’t have risked it. Abby looked up and noticed Manny’s expression had changed, afraid she overstepped with that last statement Abby was just about to apologize when Manny started.

“What the fuck Abby?! Why didn’t you tell me about this girl, you know I’m the best wing-man.” Manny was suddenly very intrigued, Abby had always been very secretive when it came to her love life so Manny jumped at the opportunity to become her certified dating coach. Plus, not only did Manny have his fair share of experience with women, he also just really wanted to see Abby less lonely. After Owen and Mel started dating along with Leah and Jordan, Abby was stuck constantly third-wheeling the entire group; Manny didn’t think she minded that much, but sometimes it hurt his heart to see her all alone.

“There’s nothing to talk about Manny, we’re just friends.” Abby replied reluctantly, not completely believing her own words. It’s not like you guys were dating, but it felt like a disservice to call what you guys had a “friendship”. The word itself didn’t accurately encapsulate enough meaning for her and despite the fact she was a voracious reader, Abby just couldn’t come up with a word for what you two had.

“If you’re friends, then just go up and talk to her.” Manny knew Abby, and he knew that she always needed a push if he wanted to get anything out of her.

“I can’t… I just can’t. I’m not like you, okay?” Abby was conflicted, waves of doubt started to roll in the more she thought about it. She didn’t want to consider the possibility that maybe you didn’t want to talk to her; that maybe you were just being nice last night and didn’t actually like her, or maybe even that you saw her when you came in and decided to ignore her on purpose.

Obviously Abby was freaking out for no reason, but those small anxious bits of uncertainty that crept in from the back of her mind made her shield of confidence feel tenuous and weak; something she despised.

Manny knew what Abby meant but being the smug little shit he is, he wanted to hear her say it out loud “What do you mean?”.

Abby sighed, “Don’t make me say it.”.

“No, no I really want to hear it.” Manny smiled that famous shit-eating grin, the one he used whenever Abby had to admit he was right.

Abby realized he wasn’t letting go of this “Ugh you know, you can… talk to people.”. Abby could tell by Manny’s face that he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, so not wanting to risk the possibility that he’ll stand up again Abby gave him a look of defeat “and I guess you’re charming or whatever.”.

“Ah! Música para mis oídos.” Manny smiled proudly, hearing Abby compliment him was almost as rare as seeing her without that signature braid. Just as Manny was getting ready to haul Abby’s ass to your table he looked over and realized that you had disappeared, it wasn’t until Abby kicked his shins again that he realized you were standing right there.

You were elbow deep in your third burrito before your dumbass realized that Abby was sitting a couple tables across from yours. “Shit!” You thought, how long had she been sitting there? Did she notice you? No, probably not… unless, what if she was so disgusted by you huffing down those burritos that she ignored you? Ugh! How could you not have noticed her?

You calmly set your burrito down, wiping your face and praying to God there wasn’t anything stuck in your teeth. You figured that Abby probably hadn’t noticed you so you decided to just bite the bullet and talk to her. As you stood up from your seat to make your way over to her table, you quietly whispered to yourself “Come on y/n, don’t be a pussy.”.

“Hey Abby.” She was sitting with a man who you assumed was the friend that she had transferred here with, she mentioned his name last night but you couldn’t place it. He suddenly jerked around to face you with a calm smile on his face, his rugged features and charming personality now making it clear as to why Abby complained about being kicked out of her own room so many nights. Even though you weren’t attracted to him, you understood what all the fuss was about.

“Hey Y/N, I didn’t even see you there.” As soon as the words came out Abby shot Manny a look, the kind of look that meant “don’t say a fucking word.”. However, of course Manny being… well Manny, he grinned and raised his hand to shake yours.

“I’m Manny.” His smile was warm and welcoming as he shook your hand “Please, sit down sit down. Tell me all about yourself.”.

You took a seat next to Abby, your knees just barely grazing each other due to the shortage of space at the table. Even though it was such a small form of contact, you couldn’t help but feel like there was an electric charge connecting you together. You wondered if she even noticed the gesture, if Abby could hear your heart daring to beat out of your chest; if she noticed that small gap between your hands on the table, or if she even noticed the small clandestine looks you were sending her the whole time.

Abby froze stiff as a board when you sat down next to her, and she did her best to maintain her composure when she felt your knee graze hers from beneath the table. This was the closest you two had been and now she could really see the details of your face and your actions; how you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear whenever you were nervous, or how you snorted when Manny thought “Little Women” was just about really tiny people. She noticed how bright your smile was, how it was the kind of smile that could instantly light up an entire room, and she was astonished because Abby finally understood the real meaning of that one Firefly quote about “looking for the light”. Abby realized that no matter what, she would follow you to the ends of the Earth. You were this bright and unexpected light that suddenly entered her life, you weakened her defences and made her feel like a ball of putty, and while one part of her detested that feeling, another part of her never wanted to part with it.

You explained to them how you had been rescued by the WLF and how you were a pretty skilled mechanic. You even told them about how although you loved your job, you desperately wanted to work in the library, because other than the fact that you wouldn’t be covered in grease at the end of every day, you’d also be surrounded by things you love.

The two told you about the “Salt Lake Crew” and how they were essentially Isaac’s top soldiers. It was a fact that left you with about a hundred questions, but you figured it wasn’t the right time to bring up their boss so you tried your best to brush it off. The three of you sat at that table talking for what felt like forever before the cafeteria staff kicked you guys out because they had to clean up.

As they both walked you to your room you were so incredibly excited. You had spent so many months at this boring outpost, spending most of your time reading or crying. Then Abby happened; she came into your life and suddenly you weren’t alone anymore. You were so insanely grateful for this newfound happiness that you just wanted to leap into those insanely strong arms.

Just as the two were about to leave Abby grabbed your hand and leaned down to your height so she could quietly talk to you, “Hey Y/N, can I ask you something?”.

You were so dumbfounded by her hand holding yours that you nearly passed out, you tried to form words but all you could manage was a small nod.

Abby smiled as she stood up and looked to Manny “Hey, you can go ahead I’ll catch up. I just need to talk to Y/N for a quick sec.”.

Manny immediately got the signal and grinned so wide Abby thought his face would freeze like that, Abby knew she was never going to hear the end of this, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care with your hand in hers.

Then Manny was gone, and it was just you and Abby. Her hand was still holding yours and you couldn’t help but notice all the details of them; how she had these small calluses on the palms of her hands, formed from years of wielding firearms and lifting weights. You realized how much damage she could do with them—how much damage she had done with them—but instead she stood there softly cradling your hand in hers, just lightly squeezing it before she looked at you with those same pools of blue you wanted desperately to drown in.

“Hey so I know we kind of just met last night, but I’ve really enjoyed hanging out with you and…” Abby paused to contemplate her words before starting again “and I was wondering if we could do this more often. I’m doing some work for Isaac tomorrow but I’ll be back later if you wanted to come by and watch a movie or something?”.

“Holy shit!” You thought “Did Abby just ask me out on a date?”. You couldn’t believe it, there was no way this absolutely fucking perfect girl just asked you on a date. You almost wanted to pinch yourself because nothing about this felt real, it wasn’t until you snapped back to reality that you realized you had been staring at Abby in absolute silence while she stood there waiting for an answer.

You quickly answered “Absolutely, I would love to come over and watch a movie.” Your heart was pounding dangerously fast against your ribcage and your face was completely flushed as you gave her a reassuring smile.

Abby sighed with relief and lightly squeezed your hand “Great! I’m in the room across from the gym, does eight o-clock work?”. Abby felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, at first when Y/N didn’t say anything, she was afraid she had misread the situation and crossed the line.

“I’ll see you then.” As you started heading back to your room, you suddenly remembered something “Hey Abby!” She looked back with curiosity as you shot her a small smirk “Thanks for the note.”.

Abby smiled shyly “I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

—

Read the next chapter here

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson imagine #the last of us imagine #abby anderson #abby tlou #manny tlou #fluff #fxf #tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #gay panic #slow burn kinda

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holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight · 4 years

Text

The Bodyguard - Chapter 9

Summary: Magnus is a dancing popstar sensation whose popularity continues to climb. Alec, an ex-Secret Service agent, is hired on as a professional bodyguard in charge of Mr. Bane’s personal security by insistence of Magnus’ manager. Despite their initial differences, Magnus finds himself falling for Alec the more time they spend getting to know each other and relies on him for more than physical security as his safety gets threatened. Loosely based on the 1992 film The Bodyguard.

Rating: M+

Genre: AU, Everyone is Human AU, Celebrity!Magnus, Bodyguard!Alec, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Eventual Smut, Mutual Pining

Author: holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight

A/N: Sorry for the extreme delay, my lovelies! I wanted to make sure I had the rest of the fic set up and ready to go so I could post each quickly. I'll try to post one every day until it's done! (Try not to die of shock). One more chapter after this and then an epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me and this story!!

Click here to read on AO3.

Previous chapters on tumblr: Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8

* * * * *

Back at the hotel, Alec left Magnus at the front door as he did his usual sweep.

They hadn't spoken a word the entire walk back, and Alec felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. His cells were humming with energy, anxious for his body to finally act on what he had been denying it for months.

"All clear." Alec said quietly when he was finally done, and he peeked at Magnus' face to try to read where his head was.

Magnus nodded, licking his lips, and Alec couldn't hold back any longer.

He grabbed the front of Magnus' shirt to yank him forward and their lips crashed together.

Magnus kissed him back hungrily, twisting his fingers in Alec's hair as they stumbled into each other. Alec's mouth opened to him like butter, tongue gliding to meet his as they tangled together. The only sounds in the room were the short, hot breaths between them and the desperate pressing of lips.

Magnus immediately moved to rid Alec of his belt, tugging it out of the loops and the force causing their hips to press together even further. He didn't hesitate to rub up into his personal space so he could feel how aroused he was at where things were heading.

Alec's head was spinning. He knew he was breaking some major rules engaging in this with a client, but he didn't care. He always did the 'right' thing – he wanted to do what he wanted for once. And he very much wanted Magnus.

Magnus seemed to share the sentiment. He dug at the rest of Alec's clothes in a desperate attempt to get them out of the way. Alec returned the gesture, letting the articles fall whenever they managed to remove one, and they both nearly lost their balance on more than one occasion.

"You know, for a dancer, your balance needs some work." Alec teased as he held Magnus steady while he stepped out of his slacks.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Being a dancer may involve poise, but it also means I am quite flexible. A fact you will soon be very grateful for." he promised before latching his mouth onto Alec's neck.

Alec let them fall back against the nearest wall, hand slipping into Magnus' hair as his head tipped to welcome more of Magnus' lips against his sensitive skin.

Magnus didn't seem to care that he was sucking bruises into very obvious spots that would be impossible to hide the next day. A part of Alec cared, but it was drowned out by the spike of arousal that hit him when Magnus finally stood naked before him and finished undressing Alec a moment later.

God, it had been a while, but Alec knew he had never been so eager to be with someone like this before.

Alec ran his hands down Magnus' bare chest, stroking the hard muscle below his belly button and trying not to flush at how close Magnus' hard cock was to his hand.

"Bedroom." Magnus demanded, leading him to a much softer surface to continue on.

Alec tried to keep the grin off his face as they near-toppled to the bed, fallen clothes tangling around their feet as they moved through the room.

Magnus was burying his laughs in Alec's chest as Alec tumbled on top of him.

"Hmm, you certainly are graceful yourself." Magnus teased.

Alec kissed him to shut him up, pressing his body down into his partner's so he could feel every line of him.

Magnus groaned at that, rutting his hips up against him. "God, I can't wait for you to get inside me."

Alec froze for a moment, stunned by the comment, and Magnus immediately tensed underneath him.

"I mean, not that we have to do that. Or that way. I didn't mean to assume—"

"No, no. It's not that." Alec told him, holding himself above Magus so he could look him in the eyes properly. "I just… That sounds amazing. Truly. I've just only ever… been on the receiving end."

Magnus smiled wickedly. "Oh, well then, if you think you're up for trying something new…."

Alec licked his lips, unable to help return the smile, and pink crossed his cheeks. "I am. God, I definitely am. I've always wanted to try it. My ex was sort of… well, he struggled with being gay, and I guess a part of him felt it was less gay to be on top, so I always bottomed."

Magnus sighed. "Internalized homophobia can certainly warp someone's thinking. Somehow, having sex with a man wasn't gay enough, but anyways…"

"Yes, yes, he was an idiot." Alec mused, dipping down to capture Magnus' mouth in his again, hands tracing the curves of his waist and hips. He was eager to get back to what they were doing.

He reached around to cup Magnus' ass, pulling so they could both get a little friction to release some of the building tension. He still was having trouble believing this was really happening, but his body certainly was going to ruin it all if he didn't take back some control.

Magnus slipped out from beneath him, Alec grumbling when he dodged his kiss, and he rummaged around in his nighttable drawer.

"You know, I've kept this in here at every hotel for the last dozen in the hopes this would happen. My hand was getting awful lonely being the sole user." Magnus teased as he dropped the bottle of lube next to them.

"Magnus. I'm trying to last here." Alec muttered, not able to ignore the flare of desire that sparked at the image of Magnus slickly stroking himself one room over from Alec during the tour.

Magnus simply grinned wickedly in response, shuffling in time with him as they got into a better position.

Alec poured an overly generous amount of lubricant on his fingers and held his breath as he let his damp fingers slip behind Magnus to touch him intimately.

Magnus' back arched as he finally made contact and he pulled his legs towards his chest to give Alec better access.

There was that flexibility he promised. Alec tried not to think about it as he began to breach him, nearly losing his mind with how quickly his body welcomed more.

Magnus was groaning, hips following his movement like he was chasing the burn, and Alec had to grip himself at the base to stem off his oncoming climax. Magnus looked utterly wrecked like this, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead, his skin flushed and slightly glistening, his lips red from their kissing and biting his lip to control his noises. God, Alec was absolutely enraptured with this man.

"Please, Alexander. I can't wait anymore. I need you."

Magnus' voice was just as wrecked, and Alec breathed heavily through his nose to suck back in some semblance of control.

Finally ready, he licked his lips, swallowing and moving forward to position himself. It was strange being on the other side of things, but he had imagined it so many times. He never would have predicted his first foray would be with Magnus Bane of all people, but no part of him was disappointed.

He near-gasped when the tip of him slipped inside and was immediately enveloped with tight, delicious heat. It was nothing like getting off with a tightened fist or even a well-trained mouth.

"Nngh, fuck."

"Mm, you feel so good. Keep going." Magnus encouraged, voice like honey and silk.

Alec was near-shaking in the effort to not finish things right then, but he managed to push his hips forward to have Magnus take more of him.

He started slow, wanting Magnus to get used to the intrusion, but Magnus was wrapping his legs around him before long.

"I won't break, Alec." he told him, stroking his cheek before pulling him into a soft kiss.

Alec deepened the kiss before pushing his pelvis forward. The appreciative moan from Magnus only spurred him on. He wanted to give him so much pleasure, wanted to utterly ruin him the way he was ruining Alec.

His thrusts picked up speed and power, his hands tugging Magnus' thighs to better position the pair of them, and Magnus cried out at one particularly deep hit. He knew he had finally located his prostate, the spot that no doubt made him see stars any time it was brushed.

Alec couldn't keep up with coordinated kissing while they were moving together so desperately, so he settled for placing his lips against his neck and breathing hotly against the skin there as he snapped his hips over and over again, ensuring he hit that spot dead-on every time.

Magnus was crying out beneath him, nails digging into Alec's back and raking across the tensed muscles there as he met his thrusts with all the power and eagerness one would expect.

"A-Alec. Alexander." he cried, hand slipping to his own neglected cock to stroke himself off in time with their lovemaking.

"Magnus." Alec breathed out, unable to stop his body this time as his pleasure crested and he stuttered his release inside Magnus.

Magnus followed not long after, trembling as he painted Alec's chest and stomach with his climax.

They stayed intertwined for a few minutes, just catching their breath and letting the aftershocks of pleasure settle into their bones.

Alec's arms felt like jelly as he maneuvered himself backwards and off the bed, ignoring the disappointment that crossed his skin from separating himself from Magnus.

He padded into the adjacent bathroom and came back with a warm washcloth to clean them both up.

Magnus hummed delightedly in response as Alec wiped between his legs to rid him of the remnants of Alec's release and residual lube.

Alec finally tossed the towel somewhere to their left and climbed up the bed to collapse into the pillows.

Magnus reached out for him and nestled into his side, head moving to rest on his chest.

Alec let his fingers play with his damp hair, stroking gentle patterns along his scalp.

"God, Alec. I fear for my ability to control myself now that I know sex with you is like that."

Alec couldn't help but glow with pride from the inside out. "Well we still have the last of the tour to get through and then the Grammys. Outside of public appearances, there's nothing to stop us from spending all of our time in our shared room."

Magnus chuckled. "Always the professional first, sexy boyfriend second."

"Hmm you'll get used to it." Alec teased, trying not to beam at the term boyfriend falling so casually from Magnus' mouth. He thought he had interpreted Magnus' feelings as more than just attraction and desire for sex, but it was nice to have it confirmed so quickly.

"I hope so." Magnus mumbled, nuzzling into him further as the beginnings of sleep began to steal his consciousness.

Alec settled down more comfortably and let the exhaustion take hold.

* * * * *

Waking in the morning, Magnus was warm and more comfortable than he could ever remember being. He had no desire to get up or move, so tempted to let the heavy tug of drowsiness allow him to slip back into sleep.

His limbs were tangled with Alec's, and, as he shifted to a more comfortable position, he felt Alec began to stir next to him.

"Good morning." Magnus murmured.

"Morning." Alec replied, voice still thick with sleep.

Magnus reached out to brush the wavy hair off of Alec's forehead.

The action caused Alec to smile softly at him, until his expression changed to mild panic. "Oh damn. I've got to go run training drills with the team."

Magnus shuffled backwards to put some space between them. "Oh."

Alec's face twisted into a pleased smirk. "I'm kidding. Just kidding. Did you really think I was going to go?"

"No, of course not." Magnus lied, scratching at his ear in a hopefully disarming gesture.

Alec chuckled, clearly not buying it, and Magnus tried not to get defensive on reflex.

"I'm not going anywhere." Alec promised, reaching out to intertwine their hands.

Magnus smiled at that. "Honestly, I expected you to have a freakout this morning about the whole crossing-the-professional-line thing and go running off."

Alec lay on his back, pulling Magnus into his side so he could rest his head on his chest. "Mmm. Maybe if you hadn't exhausted me so much."

"You better not be too tired. I plan on repeating last night this morning, and maybe even trying some new things too."

"Magnus, it's your final tour date tonight. Don't you want to conserve your energy to give it your all?"

"Hmm… nah. I'd much rather ravish you."

Alec laughed, pulling him up to kiss him and make good on Magnus' promise, morning breath be damned.

* * * * *

Alec sensed it as soon as he walked into the dark hotel room. He didn't know what it was that set him off – maybe a lingering scent of perfume – but the hairs on the back of his neck stood up instantly.

Magnus had finished his final tour date with a bang, and Alec was relieved when they had finally finished with the endless fans outside and had taken the limo back to the hotel.

If only they had been free of danger once away from the venue, but Alec knew now that they weren't that lucky. He put a hand out to halt Magnus' walking.

Magnus picked up on his tense posture. "Alexander…?"

Alec hushed him with a flick of his hand. He slipped his glock out of his thigh holster and pulled back the safety.

"Stay here." he murmured to Magnus, stalking forward into the room.

Should he call Luke or Andrew to take him to a safe place?

He supposed it was possible he was just being paranoid. His instincts were screaming at him that something was not right and he had always trusted his gut. He wasn't about to question it now.

Sure enough, when he cleared the main areas and pushed the door of the bedroom open, there was a figure sitting on the floor, only the moonlight illuminating their silhouette.

Still, depsite the darkness, Alec recognized her instantly.

"Iris." Alec said, not lowering his gun. She had no reason to be just sitting in the bedroom of a private hotel room that she shouldn't have a key for.

No reason except one.

"You and Magnus have been busy." she slurred, jutting a foot out to kick at the garbage can next to the bed.

Alec knew there were multiple used condoms in there. He tried not to let the bile exit his mouth at the idea that she snooped and came across such a thing. He was not ashamed of his and Magnus' sex life, however new, but he was a naturally private person and having someone see physical evidence of it was uncomfortable.

He watched her tip back a bottle of something dark amber into her mouth, and, based on the wrappings scattered next to her, he had a feeling she had gone through the whole thing in one sitting. There were only a few mouthfuls left and it was not a small bottle.

"Iris, what are you doing here?" Alec asked, keeping his eyes on her back leaning against the side of the bed while he silently texted Luke to get to their room immediately to remove Magnus.

Before he could press send, Iris responded.

"I wanted to know for sure. I see the way he looks at you. Has always looked at you. He's never looked at me that way. Never, in all our years of knowing each other. Hell, he never even looked at Camille like that. That wretch."

"Okay… So you're here to prove that Magnus and I are together? You've done that. So now what?"

Iris blew out a breath, leaning her head back against the bed. The new angle gave him a view of what was sitting next to her. He held his gun steadier, not wanting to give her the chance to use hers.

"Alex. Alec. Do you believe in karma?"

"I… what?"

She scoffed in annoyance, impressively irritated despite her level of intoxication. "Sometimes, irony is a bitch, and karma even more so. I've been so stupid. So, so stupid. How I ever thought my luck could turn around…"

"Iris, what are you talking about?"

He already knew. He just needed to hear her say it. He clicked record on his phone.

"It was me, Alec. The reason why you were hired."

"You placed a bomb disguised as a doll in Magnus' dressing room, which prompted Raphael to finally take the threatening letters seriously and hire a bodyguard?"

"No. I sent the letters."

"You sent the letters?"

It wasn't Alec who asked the question, and he whipped around to see Magnus standing behind him.

"Magnus. Leave. Now." Alec growled.

Magnus was stubborn as always. "No. Iris, you sent the letters? The ones that threatened to kill me? You… you claimed my death was imminent… that I had everything and you had nothing…"

"Well it's true!" Iris slurred in a shout, whirling around to glare daggers at Magnus. "You and I were supposed to have a band together, remember? Get famous and be successful as a team?"

"Iris, we were thirteen at the time!" Magnus shouted in exasperation, his incredulity overshadowing his fear.

"So? I never gave up on it. I never gave up on you. You always saw me for me, Magnus… and then a couple weeks with this brooding giant and you're head over heels? I've waited years! Hoping one day you would see the truth – that the only person right for you is me. What we could do together. You auditioned for that talent show years ago, but did you forget that quick that I did too? And while you got put straight through I only got half the votes and didn't pass even the initial audition. And then you hire me on as an assistant to your personal manager? What did you think I would do? Be grateful? You hired me as an underling to your underling! You have all of these connections and you didn't even think to try to make my dreams come true too?"

"There are so many things wrong with that I can't even being to unpack it, but Iris, I thought I was helping you. You had been unemployed for almost two years and had been abusing drugs and alcohol to cope. Giving you a structured schedule and accountability on being somewhere pulled you away from that life."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh the great Magnus, saving the day!"

"I was trying to be a friend to you, Iris!"

"Well I don't want to be your friend, Magnus!"

"So you threaten to kill me?"

That sobered her up instantly. "No… I… I only meant to scare you. Hoped you'd cancel the tour. Have it disappoint your fans and lower your fame. Hoped the photos of you in your home would make you want to move somewhere inconspicuous or hide away from the world until it forgot you. I never wanted to hurt you – just destroy your career."

"And in what reality would destroying everything I've worked for and built not hurt me?"

"Maybe it would make you remember who you were and where you came from! Remind you that these superficial people are not your real friends! They don't know you like I know you! They will never understand you like I will! You think Alec would even look twice at you if you were still an abused foster kid who graffitied the town?"

"Don't speak about Alec. You don't know him. But he knows me. More than you ever have or will."

Alec stepped in front of Magnus, not liking the wild look in Iris' eyes at that. He wasn't even sure Magnus noticed the gun next to her. Her hand had been gravitating towards it more during their argument, and he knew Magnus insulting her wasn't helping.

"If I mean so little to you then why am I even here? What's the point?" Iris shouted, hand grasping the gun next to her.

Alec shielded Magnus, raising his own to aim directly at Iris.

Instead of targeting Magnus, she pressed the gun to her temple.

"Iris, no!" Magnus shouted, horrified and trying to fight Alec's sturdy hold on him.

"Why do you even care?!" she screeched.

Before Magnus could respond, Luke was bursting into the room with Raj in tow, and Alec took that opportunity to back Magnus out of the room.

If Alec wasn't so busy near-tackling Magnus to get him out of harm's way, he would've been pretty impressed with his team for their disarming capabilities. They managed to get the gun away from a now-sobbing Iris and half-carried her out of the suite.

"I love you, Magnus! I've always loved you!"

Magnus looked stunned even as her cries grew further away.

Alec stepped into his line of vision to gently get his attention. "I have to help them take care of things. Will you be all right for a few minutes?"

Magnus seemed to deflate instantly as the reality of the situation finally sunk in.

"Magnus?" Alec prompted, eyebrows furrowing now at the lost look on his boyfriend's face.

"I… I'm just going to get in the shower. I'll be fine, Alexander. Go."

Alec didn't believe him, but he knew he had to handle things with Iris. He was head of security – he couldn't just bow out because he didn't want to leave Magnus' side when he seemed emotionally vulnerable.

He knew he didn't have a choice, so he let Magnus process things solo while he went to speak to the police.

* * * * *

He found Magnus sitting alone on the end of the bed after everything was handled, not even a light on in the room. It was clear he was still stuck in troubling thoughts if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

"Magnus?"

Magnus barely even blinked in response.

Alec lowered himself to sit down next to him. "Magnus, are you okay?"

"I can't believe it was Iris. I've known her longer than most, almost as long as Cat." he said hoarsely.

Alec simply rested a comforting hand on his knee, not wanting to crowd Magnus' space when he was still processing something of such magnitude.

"What's going to happen to her?"

Alec sighed. "Well, given her clear mental instability, she will be evaluated by a psychiatrist at the precinct. They'll be transferring her back to New York since that's where she normally lives. If I had to guess, I assume she'll be admitted instead of imprisoned."

"That's probably for the best. She…" he trailed off. "I just can't believe this."

"I know." Alec murmured, not really sure what other comfort he could offer.

"I know I can be flirty with just about anybody… but I purposely never was with her. I knew she had feelings for me. I had hoped they had ended in our youth or at least died down over the years but clearly I was naïve. I should have made things clearer, actually confronted her about them and let her know I didn't see her that way. My reluctance to endure an uncomfortable conversation led to… well, all of this." he said, gesturing around the room, which Alec understood to mean his hiring and the drama of the night.

"Magnus, you can't shoulder all of the blame. All that she said… it's her own mind twisting things to rationalize her actions. She needs psychiatric help and likely has for some time. And you could blame me for giving in to my feelings and getting involved with you, since that clearly set her off."

Magnus sighed, apparently getting his point. "I don't know what to do now. What happens next?"

"Well, we're transferring all the evidence to New York in the event Iris does need to go through a trial. I had it routed directly to Jace so he can keep us updated. They'll process it, prove the link to her if she won't admit to it."

"Perks of having a brother as a lead detective on the force." Magnus laid back on the bed, exhaling slowly. "This feels like someone else's life sometimes, but never more than it does today."

"How about we forget about it for a while? Watch some trashy TV and make fun of reality show contestants or something?"

Magnus smiled, climbing up the bed further and snuggling up to Alec when he laid next to him.

"Mm. I knew you were the man for me." he teased, kissing him softly before resting his head against Alec's chest and flipping the hotel TV on.

Alec held him close, glad to have the physical proof that Magnus was okay.

After all those months of fear, it was so strange to realize it was over. They were safe.

He should've known to listen to his gut when it was still tight with anticipation.

It wasn't over yet.

* * * * *

Continue to Chapter 10

#malec #malec fic #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #shadowhunters fic #the bodyguard fic

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junietuesday · 5 years

Text

OKAY I AM BACK FROM DEAR EVAN HANSEN

IT WAS INCREDIBLE!! STEPHEN CHRISTOPHER ANTHONY WAS ON TODAY (JULY 11 MATINEE) AND HE WAS SO GOOD OMG. THE ENTIRE CAST WAS SUPER AWESOME, I ESPECIALLY LOVED ZOE (MAGGIE MCKENNA) AND HER VOICE, IT WAS SO PRETTY. I WROTE DOWN EVERYTHING I COULD REMEMBER:

Act 1

In Sincerely Me it looked kinda like Jared was trying to find like any excuse to touch Evan, it was adorable, like he was draping his arm around Evan’s shoulders whenever he could and pushing his shoulders into Evan’s while he squatted down to write some emails, and then when he jumped into the dancing at the end he was slightly behind Evan and Connor onstage like he was trying to shove himself in and failing, and I also loved that Evan was mimicking Connor’s movements to show that he was really “Connor”

Before Anybody Have A Map:

Heidi: *growly-enthusiastic* Seize the day!

Evan: *same tone* I guess!

Before For Forever:

Evan: we went to the...apples. The apple place

Cynthia: ...the orchard?

In Disappear it was like Jared was trying to hide how enthusiastic he was to join the Connor Project and his “sarcastic” “well, shit!” when Alana said “you can be secretary or treasurer, sorry, co-president is taken” was like he actually was a little disappointed, and also before that he was like “soon this whole thing with Connor will be done with when there’s some third-degree tsunami we have to raise money for!” like he’s excited for when everything goes back to normal and he can be Evan’s only friend

Before Requiem Cynthia told Zoe “we’re all grieving in our own way, I know you truly miss him deep down” and Zoe opened her mouth angrily like she was gonna deny it then just shook her head and looked away and rolled her eyes

Zoe is no way straight with the way she was sitting on that couch in Requiem

During the climax of You Will Be Found with the projections of Evan’s speech all over, Heidi was wandering around the stage looking up at the videos confusedly, while Evan went up to Cynthia and hugged her for the longest time

Before Sincerely Me Jared was talking about how the secret email account and not talking to each other in school was the formula for gay lovers and I was like “you’d know about that huh”

I really loved the staging in Waving Through a Window where Evan’s classmates line up in a row and then every time he steps in front of them trying to get their attention, they flip and look away, by the end Evan is looking almost desperate

In Sincerely Me during the chorus Connor punched Evan’s shoulders on each side like really hard, then later Evan punched Connor back trying to like awkwardly mimic him but it was super weak like Connor barely even reacted

Before If I Could Tell Her the part where the music was already playing in the soundtrack passed by without anything from the band so I got scared they like, forgot to play or something but I guess they start the music later than they do in the recording

Zoe was like a ton more cynical than I thought she’d be, I really love it though it works well

When Jared Alana and Evan propose the Connor Project to the Murphys, after Evan invites Zoe and the jazz band to do something for the presentation and Cynthia says “oh Evan this is wonderful” while Zoe watches and Evan looks nervous under her gaze, Jared says pointedly, “no sweat! right, Evan?” and Evan stutters out an affirmative

There was so much startled laughter when Alana said “you broke your arm? oh my grandma broke her hip. the doctors said that was the beginning of the end. she died”

Evan takes Jared’s advice to nod and confirm super literally, during the scene before For Forever he nods super forced and fake-enthusiastically and says “mhm” or “yeah” again, super forced

Before Requiem (or maybe For Forever idk):

Cynthia: why was Connor embarrassed of you?

Evan: well, I mean, I think he didn’t want people to know he was friends with a—

Zoe: Nerd?

Evan: I was gonna say “loser” but that works too—better than works actually—

In If I Could Tell Her Zoe’s “no, nevermind, I don’t really care” was a lot more trying to sound aloof than in the recording, she’s pretending she’s just like “whatever” and pulls it off a lot better than Laura Dreyfuss’s Zoe

And then after If I Could Tell Her when Evan tells Jared about trying to kiss her on her brother’s bed, Jared’s like “oh she’ll hate you forever might as well just give up on her now” in a way that really came off to me as “yes now that she’s out of the picture maybe I have a chance?”

Act 2:

At one point—I think it was a bit before Good For You?—with projections of Evan’s letters all over the stage, there were bolded words “maybe better disappeared”

I CRIED DURING SO BIG/SO SMALL AND HEIDI AND EVAN ARGUING BEFORE GOOD FOR YOU AND LOOK I DIDN’T EXPECT THEIR SCENES TO HIT ME SO HARD BUT THEY DID

EVAN WAS LITERALLY SOBBING THE FIRST LYRICS OF WORDS FAIL AND I AM NOT OKAY, HIS ENTIRE WORDS FAIL PERFORMANCE WAS SO RAW AND PAINFUL HELP

Before Words Fail Cynthia was like brokenly “no, no, no” when Evan said Connor didn’t write the letters

Before Only Us Zoe said “let’s have a kegger” and Evan repeated it in a sillier voice and then they went back and forth a couple more times then they started doing this little leg-bouncy dance that holy shit kinda echoed the Sincerely Me leg bouncing

Zoe was perched on the arm of the couch really weirdly during the scene where the Murphys and Hansens meet and drink wine, again, totally not straight

Zoe went to hold Evan’s hands during Only Us, Evan really quickly wiped his hand on his jeans before holding her hands back

The part where Evan and Jared fought was really painful, when Jared said “fuck you, Evan! Asshole!” and ran off, and I’m also still not over how he was the only one to talk about “someone” hurting “whoever” in the third person during Good For You

Alana!!! Deserved!!! Better!!! She was practically crying during Good For You and those scenes where she tells Evan that the emails don’t line up, she didn’t even get a proper resolution, not even in the book (at least in the book Jared did)

When recording a video for the Connor Project, Alana was speaking clearly and well while Evan was just rambling really fast, sometimes he’d just echo what Alana said but quicker and quieter, for the closing sentence they started to say it together, Alana and Evan visibly—painfully—trying to match each other’s speed and tone, before Alana finally gave up and took over

As the play went on Evan started dressing like Connor, he was wearing Connor’s sweater by the end until he changed back for the finale

Jared looked so hurt when Zoe came up and kissed Evan on the cheek while Jared was talking about how much of a ~better life~ Evan was having now that Connor was dead, Jared was like “yeah. you’re really helping the Murphys” like he was trying hard not to sound like he cared *cough* KLEINSEN ALL THE WAY

In Only Us when Evan was saying “I love you” the first part was still facing the audience, then for the rest of the “I love you”s he turned to Zoe and got closer and closer to her, directing them at her instead of just saying “Connor didn’t know how to say this”

The Sincerely Me reprise was great, so like Jared and Connor were dancing together and Connor was saying “let’s have the Insanely Cool Jared Kleinman join this rad friendship!” and then just record scratch, freeze frame, Evan snaps “you can’t just make stuff up” and Jared looks into the camera like in the Office, and then when Jared like, what was it, invited Evan to his house or something idk, Evan was like “I can’t, I’m busy I have important things to do”, Jared’s visibly hurt when he says “oh yeah Connor’s the only important thing now”

During So Big/So Small, halfway through Evan just latches onto his mom and cries while she sings, I am not okay

Before Only Us Zoe’s like “can we talk” and Evan goes panicky “please don’t break up with me!” and then Zoe half-laughs “I’m not breaking up with you”, Evan awkwardly really slowly leans forward to touch Zoe’s hands and sighs in relief, “thank you”, Zoe mimicks him, “you’re welcome”, Evan looks kinda mortified

The You Will Be Found reprise literally felt like a panic attack/sensory overload it was intense and I loved it, also there was a loud whooshing sound before it cut to the Murphy’s living room and I literally jumped lmao

Evan was pretty much sobbing during the part where Connor said “did you fall? Or did you let go?”, I was almost in tears too

When Evan spit out “he didn’t write it!” even though I knew what was gonna happen I still gasped inside, and then afterward Zoe whispered “how could you do this?” in a total 180 from her earlier tougher cynical attitude

When Alana shares the “suicide note”, she’s beside Evan on the other side of the stage, the note pops up all over the projections and recordings start reposting and sharing it, Evan is literally brokenly begging “don’t show anyone, take it down, please”

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86-was-his-year · 5 years

Text

ENDGAMEE SPOILERS!! MY PERSONAL OPINION CAISE I GAVE Y'ALL A COUPLE DAYS TO SEE IT!!

Again endgame spoilers so please scroll past do you don't ruin this amazing experience for yourself.

Things that I whole-heartedly enjoyed

The beginning of shock when Thor chopped off Thanos' head like I gasped like wtf.

Nat and Steve sharing the peanut butter sandwich.

Captain Marvels lesbian haircut (not stereotyping but it was a pretty gay haircut mans)

Tony and Morgan's cute ass relationship (I love you 3000)

The theory behind I love you 3000 (Tony said I love you a ton and a ton is 2000 pounds so Morgan said I love you 3000 to say she loves him more)

Steve holding a support group just like Sam did.

Thick Thor

Korg playing fortnite even though that game is from the devil

Clint killing all those bitches and speaking Japanese

Time heist and all the other movie references

The fact that a rat got Scott out of the quantum thingy

America's Ass 🍑

Loki stealing the tesseract

Smart Bruce Banner

FUCKING CAP LIFTING THORS HAMMER ( IDK HOW TO SPELL ITS NAME LOLZ) AND REALIZING HE COULD DO IT ALL ALONG FROM AVENGERS AoU

Cap kicking the shit out of Thanos

"I KNEW IT!"

The way they showed that they got all life back with the trees and the birds was so fucking gorgeous and such a good moment (fite me )

"On your left ."

The way they all came back from being dusted

The "Avengers Assemble" being completed from AoU

Tony and Peters hug scene (shit had me tearing up)

"I am Iron Man

Wanda kicking the shit out of Thanos.

All the MCU women gathering around Peter and looking hot as shit doing it.

"Your father liked cheeseburgers "

Bucky looking hawt as shit the whole time

That's it and maybe when I watch it again I'll gave more things to say but here's for the things I didn't appriciate.

The only gay character was the Russo brother using a male pronoun as a date like tf

Steve telling everyone to move on even when at the end of the movie he was a hypocrite and did exactly the opposite.

The way they explained the quantum physics. Without the visuals (and even with them) I couldn't understand a word of what they were talking about and maybe that's my deal but whateves.

Them not bringing back Vision or Gamora (The current time Gamora) or Loki for good

Bucky and Steve never actually reuniting

They didn't have a funeral for Nat or Vision or Gamora

The "Proof that Tony Stark has a heart" thing only because it tore me up emotionally.

And now for the rest nitty gritty. This is a whole as rant so be prepared.

Fucking Steve and Buckys whole arc got shit on by the Russo brothers. People are saying they did what they did to kill the Stucky ship and that fucking sucks. When I heard there was going to be a gay character my mind went to Steve because deep down I feel like he would except everything because he's Captain America for God sakes. But no they didn't want that so they completely took away their friendship.

I've seen people who don't ship them be pissed at how if ended for Steve. As I said before he fucking was a hypocrite and did what he said not to do. He was fucking over Peggy and I totally rooted for them when it was like the 40s but he literally watched her die in Civil War. She was dead and they were like yeah let's put him back.

Did they forget about all the movies leading up to this one? Let's review

In Captain America: The First Avenger he went against the law and went into a full Hydra compound by himself with only a pistol and a shield just to get Bucky out. Sure he said more people bit Bucky was the one he went for.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier he let Bucky almost kill him because he wasn't willing to fight his beat friend. Like wtf

In Captain America: Civil War he broke up the Avengers ( and part if that was the accords but they didn't start fighting till Bucky got involved) he became a wanted criminal and kept Bucky killing Tonys parents a secret so Tony wouldn't hurt Bucky. He also almost Killed Tony and gave up his shield for Bucky.

Now, in avengers Endgame his friend since they were children dusted and 5 years he spent without him. He comes back and not even a fucking hug or like how are you doing. (Tony and Spidey hugged so don't give me they didn't have time bullshit)

And then he leaves the rest of his friends behind in the present to go live his life with Peggy who may I remind you already had a husband and fucking kids after Steve "died" and he knew Bucky was being tortured by Hydra and did nothing. Tell me would 2012-2015 Steve do that? I don't think so.

And maybe Bucky did know that Dtsvw was leaving to kid original timeline but do you think he was happy about it. Hell no you could fucking see it in his face when he hugged Steve goodbye.

I don't care that Steve got old (okay maybe a little but it really doesn't bother me) I don't care that he didn't get together with Bucky

What irritate me is the Russos threw away their friendship and they threw away his teams friendship. Like he could retire and have still been there and made a life with another man or woman like they just had to make it so he abandoned his friends on the chance that he would get with Peggy.

It's so unlike his character and they did him fucking dirty like that. Maybe the Avengers spent like what 6 seconds without him but he spent YEARS away and didn't even care. Like that's not the Cap I know so idk can someone rewrite this ending for me please. And Bucky didn't even get the goddamn shield like he should have.

Wow okay that was a lot and I didn't mean for it to be that long but hey here you go!! I hope y'all can see how mad I am behind these tears🙂

#avengers endgame #avengers #steve rogers #tony stark #bucky barnes #endgame spolier #endgame spoiler alert #clint barton #natasha romanoff #bruce banner #captain marvel #nick fury #peter parker #gardians of the galaxy #gamora #peter quill #thanos

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