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#then after we have given up she’s like I bet you can’t say my last name right right
froggibus · 1 year
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Just The Three Of Us - Cassidy x Reader x Genji
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Pairing: Genji Shimada x F!reader x Cole Cassidy
Genre: smut/NSFW
Word Count: 3.8k
Summary: after finding out you’re a virgin, Cassidy and Genji set out to change that
CW: porn w plot, virgin! reader, threesome, Blackwatch! Genji, Blackwatch! Cassidy, oral (f! receiving), oral (m! receiving), fingering, nipple play, multiple creampies, unprotected sex (make good choices lol), face fucking, overstimulation, cum stuffing, marking (??), slight dubcon??, alcohol use
happy 69 guys!! this was originally gonna be a dom! Widow w predator/prey vibes but i honestly couldn’t finish writing it lmao. i like this one a lot better tho and what could be better than the blackwatch sandwich? hope you guys enjoy <3
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“Oh, c’mon,” you take a sip of your drink, the alcohol burning your throat. “You guys really think you have more game than me?”
Genji shakes his head and laughs, leaning across the bar table that the three of you are sitting at. The bar isn’t busy, but that’s to be expected of a Sunday night. Aside from a few older men and some rowdy college kids, you, Cass and Genji are the only ones in there. 
Cassidy stretches his arms across the top of the booth, his hand falling just above your shoulder. “Hey, I got game!”
“You grew up with Reyes in an Overwatch facility—you’re practically a shut in.”
The cowboy rolls his eyes, feigning offence at your comment. He adjusts his arms, fingertips brushing your arms. You shiver under his touch, electricity coursing through you. 
“And me?” Genji asks, dark eyes meeting yours. There’s a glint of mischief behind them that makes your heart beat faster. 
“You…” You narrow your eyes at him as if deep in thought, “I could see you having game back in the day.”
“But not now?”
You take another sip of your drink. “Nope.”
Cassidy laughs, “well you ain’t got much game either, y/n. I can’t remember the last time you brought someone home with you.”
You glare at the cowboy, only turning your gaze away when Genji says: “he has a point.”
“If I wanted to take someone home with me, I would.”
“I’m sensing a but,” Genji says. 
“I don’t think you sense any butts.”
Cassidy howls in laughter, slapping his hands on the table. Genji rolls his eyes at you and takes a sip of his sake. 
“I have my eyes on someone,” you shrug. 
More like someones. The truth is, you haven’t had any time to date, much less have sex. And when you were given the time, there were a few coworkers who you couldn’t stop thinking about. Specifically the ones in front of you. Still, you’d never admit it. If Cassidy found out you had never had sex, you would never hear the end of it. 
Cass leans closer, whiskey on his breath. He wraps an arm around your shoulders. “Oh yeah? And who might that be?”
“None of your business,” you shrug him off. 
A waitress comes by and asks if you want another round of drinks. You order your usual, tapping your fingers on the table to the beat of an old rock song playing over the bar speakers. 
You can’t help but notice the way Cassidy’s eyes fix on the sway of her hips as she walks away. There’s a pang in your chest at the sight. 
The words tumble from your lips before you can stop them. “I bet you couldn’t get a girl in bed tonight if you tried.”
“I’ll have you know, I’ve gotten plenty of women in my bed.”
Genji laughs, “yeah? Have you kept track?”
“Nine.”
You fake gag at the cowboy’s words. Typical men keeping track of their scores. Your eyes meet Genji’s and a burning question forms in your mind. “What about you?”
“When I was younger? Too many,” he admits. 
You try not to let the bitter taste of disappointment seep into your mouth. Of course they’ve both had sex with other people, you’re the weird one for being an adult virgin. 
“Not so snarky now, are we?” Cass teases, “are you counting them in your head right now?”
You’re no longer in a joking mood, standing up and slipping on your jacket. “I’m tired, I’m gonna head back to the hotel. I’ll talk to you guys in the morning, ‘kay?”
You don’t let them speak before grabbing your purse and heading out of the bar door. It’s cold outside, but the alcohol in your veins makes it seem much warmer. There’s a slight drizzle, the cold rain running down your cheeks and nose. 
Luckily, the hotel you’re all staying at is right across the street. It was almost tradition for the three of you to stick around one extra night after a Blackwatch mission, getting drinks and sightseeing before you have to go back to work. It’s kept you sane all these years, but it’s only fueled the feelings you’ve harboured to the other agents. 
You step into your hotel room and immediately drop your purse to the floor and slam your keycard onto the dresser. Your feet ache when you take them out of your shoes, and you’re all too happy to lay in your bed and watch television. 
You browse for something to watch, anything to take your mind off of the aching in your chest and the bitterness on your tongue. You decide on an old movie about fighter pilots, something Reyes probably would have made you watch. 
You change out of your day clothes, pulling your phone out of your pocket and setting it on your night stand. You exchange your tight pants for pyjama ones and your shirt for a baggy Overwatch shirt that got mixed up in your laundry ages ago. 
You settle into bed, watching the movie and ignoring your phone lighting up every few minutes. 
Genji sighs when he calls you for the fifth time, slamming his phone down on the table. “Still no answer.”
“I must’ve really struck a nerve,” Cass says bitterly. “I don't even know why.”
“We’re thinking about this all wrong. Y/n got upset when we brought up past partners so…she’s either ashamed of hers or—“
Cassidy finishes his thought with wide eyes, “or she’s never had any.”
Suddenly everything clicks into place. The overcompensating, the snark to your tone as soon as the subject was brought up. You’d never introduced a partner to them, you’ve never even brought someone to the Overwatch holiday party. 
Genji feels stupid for never realising it before. 
But with their realisation of your lack of partners came another one.  The way you subtly glanced at Genji when you said you had your eyes on someone. Was he the reason? 
“I-I need to go talk to her,” Genji is on his feet before he’s finished speaking, pulling his hoodie over his shoulders. 
“Woah, slow down there. Don’t you mean we need to go talk to her?”
“I think,” he takes a deep breath, “I think she was talking about me when she said she has her eyes on someone.”
Cassidy laughs. “That saké of yours must have really gone to your head. She clearly meant me when she said it.”
It’s the ninja’s turn to stare in disbelief. Classic Cassidy, he thinks, to assume every woman in the world loves him. Still, he can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining it all. If the alcohol really has gone to his head and amplified the feelings he harbours for you, turning it into something it’s not. 
“Okay,” Genji keeps his tone even. “We’ll both go.”
“Okay.”
Despite their words agreeing, their views don’t, and everyone in the bar can feel the tension between them. Even while they walk across the street, frustration radiates around them. 
Cassidy is the one who knocks on your door, gently shoving Genji out of the way so that he’s centred in the doorframe. Genji sighs at his colleague’s antics, nudging him ever so slightly so that he’s standing by his side. 
You open the door in your pyjamas, raising an eyebrow at the pair. “Can I help you?”
“Y/n—,” Genji’s voice is gentle. 
“We know you’re a virgin.”
Genji steps on the cowboys steel toes, punishing him for his brazenness. Your eyes widen at his words and you find yourself taking a step back from them. 
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, y/n,” Genji steps into your hotel room, shoving past Cassidy. 
“I-I’m not ashamed,” your face is burning. 
Cassidy steps in next to Genji, letting the door close behind him. “Then why’s your face so red, hm?”
“It’s just—really hot here and I’m tired and you guys should go!”
Genji places a hand on your waist. “Y/n, it’s just us, you don’t have to be afraid.”
“That’s exactly why I’m afraid.”
They speak at the same time, “because you like me?”
You’re practically on fire now. Your head is spinning so fast you can’t tell what way is up, and you’re sure your knees will buckle at any moment. You blink a few times, shrinking under their gazes. Your heart speeds up and suddenly you’re pitching forwards. 
“Woah, cowgirl!” 
Genji, quick as always, moves his arm around your waist and catches you before you can even fall. He snakes his other arm under your legs and carries you to the bed, sitting you at the edge. 
You put your head in your hands. “I never wanted you guys to find out.”
“It’s okay to feel this way,” Genji pulls a hand from your face. 
Cassidy copies the cyborg but his touch is far less gentle. “We’re not gonna judge you.”
“It’s not!” You take a deep breath, almost choking on your words, “it’s not right for me to want both of you.”
Silence falls over the room. You sit there and wallow in your shame, too scared to breathe too deeply or move your hands out of theirs. You just want them to forget you’re there for a while. 
Genji glances at Cassidy over your head. The cowboy cocks an eyebrow and smirks slightly, and the cyborg blushes at what he knows he’s thinking. 
Cassidy’s metal hand moves from your hand to your jaw, tilting your head so that you’re forced to look at him. 
“What are you—,”
You’re cut off when his warm lips smash against yours. His touch immediately rekindles the fire inside of you, butterflies erupting in your stomach. He pulls away with a smirk, leaving you breathless. 
You don’t have time to properly process the kiss before Genji’s hand is on the back of your neck, turning your head to him and guiding your face towards his. He leans in, pressing his soft lips to yours. You melt into his touch, burning up beneath his fingers. 
You’re left wide eyed and gasping for air when he pulls away. “I don’t…I don’t understand…”
“Sh,” Cassidy places a hand on your thigh, rubbing up and down, “let us take care of you, okay?”
“But—,”
Genji shuts you up by pressing his lips to yours again, slipping his tongue into yours this time. You don’t fight back, desperate to have him. You can taste the alcohol on his breath but it only makes you want more. His hand reaches up to tangle in your hair, pushing you closer to him. 
Cassidy moves his hand farther up your thigh, brushing his knuckles against your throbbing core. You clench your legs around his hand, desperate for any sort of friction. 
“So needy,” he teases, moving his hand beneath the hem of your shirt. “Be patient, darling.”
You whine against Genji’s mouth, making the cyborg pull away. He gives you a lopsided grin, his cheeks just as pink as yours surely are. 
Cassidy tugs your shirt over your head, grinning when he sees you’re not in a bra. You expect him to make a comment, but he’s too busy staring at your bare chest. You glance at Genji only to realize he’s doing the same. Their eyes on you makes you self conscious and you find yourself moving to cover up. 
Cassidy catches your wrists in his hands. “Not so fast,” he tuts, and moves in to kiss you. 
You relax against him but only for a second before you feel Genji’s lips on your neck. His touch is gentle but with just enough pressure to make you whine and sent electricity down to your core. His teeth graze your collarbone and you moan into Cassidy’s mouth. 
The cyborg smiles against your skin, dead set on making you moan again. He kisses down your chest, kissing around your nipple before finally attaching his lips to it. 
You squirm, arching your back and moaning against Cassidy’s mouth. “G-genji,” a trail of saliva leaks from the side of your mouth as Cass pulls away. 
“So pretty,” he mumbles into your tit, teeth grazing your nipple as he speaks. 
You whimper, grinding your hips against the bed. Cassidy knows just what you need, and slips his knee between your legs before moving his lips to your other tit. 
You cry out at his added touch, grinding your wet pussy against Cassidy’s thigh. 
“Fuck,” he groans. “She’s so wet I can feel it through my jeans.”
Genji looks up at you, letting your nipple fall from his mouth. “You like this, baby?”
You can only nod, both boys chuckling at your dishevelled state. They can’t help but admire how cute you look with your rosy cheeks and messy hair and the drool around your mouth. 
Genji moves up to kiss you again while Cass slips down your pants. He’s pleased when he sees how soaked your panties are and quickly tugs them off of your legs. Your bare, glistening pussy greets him and he moans at the sight. 
So tight, it’s not hard to remember that no one’s ever touched you before. He rubs one of his fingers up your slit, poking your clit ever so slightly. You immediately react to his touch, whining and thrusting your hips forwards. More juices gush from you. 
“God, she’s so wet Gen,” he moans. “You gotta take a look at this.”
The ninja pulls back, staring at your perfect little pussy with his jaw dropped. His jeans suddenly feel too tight and all he wants is to bury his length inside of you.
Cassidy rubs his thumb across your clit. “Does that feel good, darling?”
You bite your lip and throw your head back, nodding furiously. Genji lays next to you, wrapping an arm around your thigh to pull it apart from your other one and open them up for the cowboy. His lips connect with your neck once more. 
Cassidy dips a finger into your dripping pussy, sinking right in. He groans at how well you take him, and slowly moves it in and out of you. He moves his other hand to play with your clit, pinching and twisting it in tune with your whines. 
He slips another finger in, stretching you out around him. He pushes them all the way up to the hilt, curling them inside of you. You whine, arching your back and trying to close your legs around his hand to get more, but Genji’s grip is too tight. 
“Patience,” he mumbles into your neck. 
You can feel his hard cock rubbing against your hip, the cyborg desperate for more friction. You rub your hand up his thigh and over the bulge, shuddering at how hard it feels. 
Genji shivers under your touch, opening his mouth to ask what you’re doing and closing it as soon as you unzip his pants. He helps you tug them down until they pool around his ankles. 
Your mouth practically waters at the outline of his cock through his boxers and you reach up to trace your fingers across it. Genji whines, propping himself up on his knees to give you better access. 
You slip your hand into his waistband and grip his length, slowly dragging your hand up and down his dick. He thrusts against your hand, desperate for more. You tug his boxers all of the way down, letting his cock spring free. It looks a lot bigger than it did in his pants, and the sight makes you clench your thighs. 
You spit into your hand and rub your saliva up his shaft, getting him nice and wet so you can rub your hand up and down it. Genji is mesmerised by you jerking him off, and he wants more. 
You wet your lips, getting ready to take him into your mouth. Before you can, you feel Cass start to suck on your clit while he adds an extra finger. You moan loudly, Genji taking this as an opportunity to push his cock into your mouth. 
His salty taste overwhelms you and you find yourself pushing your head down to take more. He wraps his fingers in your hair and holds it back, using it to guide you up and down. 
Cass continues his assault on your pussy, lapping the juices that gush from your hole with every thrust of his fingers. Your poor, swollen clit being sucked and licked at with no end in sight. 
You moan around Genji’s length, forcing yourself to take more of him. The cyborg can’t help but thrust into your mouth, forcing even more of his cock into your throat. You gag around it and the sounds make him moan even more. 
There’s a knot building in your stomach and you know you won’t last much longer. You grind your pussy against Cassidy’s face, desperate for more. The cowboy gladly gives it to you—fucking his fingers into you even faster than before. 
Your whines grow more and more desperate, drool leaking out at the space between Genji’s cock and your mouth. The cyborg watches as it drips down your chin and onto the peaks of your tits and wishes it was his cum coating you instead. 
Cassidy curls his fingers inside of you and you come undone. Your body tenses, your eyes roll back. Genji let’s his cock fall from your mouth, watching you with loving eyes as you cum on Cassidy’s face. 
Cassidy takes every drop of cum that you give him, lapping up your juices as they coat his chin and lips. He pulls back with a smirk, moving in to kiss you. You whine at the taste of yourself on his lips. 
“Now that you’re nice and stretched out,” he says, “why don’t you let Genji fuck that sweet pussy?”
You nod vigorously, your pussy already drenched at the thought. Genji shifts so he’s kneeling between your thighs, the head of his cock rubbing against your clit. His length is already glistening with your spit, but he collects your juices on his cock just in case. 
Genji locks eyes with you. “Are you sure?”
“Y-yeah.”
You don’t have to tell him twice. He sinks the head of his cock inside of you, and the stretch makes you whine. It’s slightly painful but the fullness it brings is the best thing you’ve ever felt. 
You tug Cassidy in for another kiss, using his lips to distract yourself from the sting of Genji’s cock bottoming out inside of you. He stays still once he’s all the way inside of you, letting you adjust to his size. 
You pull away from Cass to whimper a quick, “move, please.”
Genji can do nothing but oblige. He slowly pulls out before pushing back into you slowly, trying to keep his pace gentle and even while you get used to it. You can feel the throbbing of his cock inside of you and it only makes you whine and thrust your hips against him. 
You’re so distracted with Genji that you don’t even notice that Cass has discarded his pants and has his hard cock in your face.
 He rubs his cock head across your lips, “how’s about putting that pretty little mouth of yours to good use?”
His cock is thicker than Genji’s, and you’re worried that you won’t be able to take it all. You open your mouth and stick your tongue out, letting him slowly push his cock into your mouth. He has more of a taste than Genji and you find yourself savouring it. 
Genji picks up the pace as if to remind you that he’s still there, smashing his hips against yours with every thrust. You suck harder on Cassidy’s cock, your moans catching in your throat and vibrating against his length. You can tell he’s holding back, but you don’t know why. 
Genji flicks his thumb across your clit, and your orgasm washes over you. Your pussy clenches around his cock and he’s sent over the edge with you, your tight pussy milking his cock for all its worth. You can’t help but whine at the feeling of his hot cum inside of you, filling you up all the way. 
He pulls out at the same time as Cassidy, forcing a gasp from your lips. Cum pools between your legs, dripping down your thighs and Genji’s cock. 
“How was that?” Genji asks. 
“S-so good.”
You can barely speak, the overstimulation washing over you in waves and practically drowning you. Genji laughs at the fucked out expression on your face, laying down next to you and pulling you so your back is on his chest. 
You don’t realize what’s happening until Cassidy is between your legs. “Think you can do one more?” 
You nod, the idea of being fucked full of both of their cum too good to pass up. 
Genji kisses your cheek, “that’s our girl.”
Cassidy pushes inside of you slowly, your saliva and Genji’s cum acting as a lubricant. The stretch stings slightly, but it goes away quickly. Cassidy bottoms out inside of you quickly, making you cry out when the tip of his cock brushes against your cervix. 
“C-Cass!”
He pulls out and slams back inside of you, making you squeal at the friction. Genji plants kisses up your neck and shoulders to calm you down, his fingers working at your nipples. 
Cassidy leans against you, pushing your thighs up against your tummy in a mating press. He’s desperate, fucking into you so fast and so hard you can barely keep track. Your head is dizzy from your orgasms and everything is so hot and so sensitive. 
With the way the cowboy is fucking you like you’re his last and the way Genji is toying with your nipples, you know you won’t last much longer. Based on the way Cassidy’s cock is twitching instead of you, you know he won’t either. 
Genji pinches your nipples and Cassidy slams his hips against yours again and you come undone. Tears leak from your eyes as your pussy gushes out around his cock, your whole body spasming. Genji holds you tightly through your orgasm, rubbing your shoulders and whispering reassurance in your ear. 
Cassidy cums right after you do, thrusting into you one last time to get his cock as deep as possible. Hot cum floods inside of you, mixing with Genji’s and filling you up completely. He continues fucking into you through your orgasm, waiting to pull out until all of his cum has been fucked into you. 
When he pulls out, their cum gushes out of you, dripping down your thighs. He gathers it on his finger and pushing it back inside of you, laughing at the way you squirm from his touch. 
He pulls his finger out and slips it into your mouth, letting you suck off the mixture of your cum, his cum and Genji’s cum. The taste barely registers, your senses dull in your fucked out state. 
Cassidy plants a kiss to your forehead, smoothing your sweaty hair back. “Such a good girl.”
“Our good girl,” Genji adds. 
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reminiscingtonight · 1 year
Text
Half A World Away (Pt. 2)
Lucy Bronze x Reader
Word Count: 2.4k
A/N: Bet y’all thought I forgot about this, didn’t you?
Part One
[WOSO Masterlist]
“You left.”
The last thing you thought after accepting the party invite was that you’d run into your ex.
Okay that’s a bit of a lie, given the fact that you know how close Jordan and Lucy are. Or the fact that this was clearly a Lionesses party. They were celebrating their World Cup win so it would’ve been weird not to expect one of the newly crowned winners to be at the party. 
But the last thing you thought was that Lucy would actually seek you out and corner you in the bathroom minutes after you and the rest of your entourage entered the bar. Like you have to go when you have to go, but something about how the door slams open not even a minute after you enter tells you that Lucy definitely did not need to pee.
Lucy sounds accusatory. Angry. But all you can see is the hurt deep within her eyes.
You knew it was a gamble, leaving England without telling Lucy. But the two of you shared many friends. She was bound to hear about it eventually. Plus, it’s not like you had any obligations to tell her. She threw away any rights she had to know about your life when she broke up with you.
Still, you can’t help but snap back. “You left first.”
“I came back and you were gone.” Something about Lucy’s tone has you narrowing your eyes at her. “When Jordan told me you left Arsenal I didn’t believe her. But I came back and you weren’t here.”
“Are you serious right now?” you scoff. “You left first, Lucy. You. Not me. Don’t try to make me out as the villain when we both know it’s not true.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Then what are you doing?”
Lucy’s silent for a moment as she ponders your words. You’re expecting slouched shoulders, a despondent sigh, a mumbled excuse. Instead, Lucy squares her shoulders, and then what she says feels like a suckerpunch straight to the gut. 
“I love you.”
You don’t allow yourself the luxury to bask in her declaration. So what if she loves you? Those words used to make your heart sing, they still do, but they also come with the sharp reminder that she threw it all away. And for what? 
“Why now?”
“What?” Lucy looks taken off guard, not expecting such a short response to her admittance of love.
“Why now?” you repeat, ire growing with every second. “What’s changed, Lucy? Because from my point of view, nothing has. The only difference is while you’re still in Spain, I’m in the United States now.”
Lucy goes to interrupt you but you don’t let her.
“Distance is something you didn’t want to do,” you remind her. Lucy’s face falls at your words. “Seattle’s much further than London is, so as far as I’m aware, nothing has changed.”
Sighing, you lean against the sink. Lucy looks properly chastised by now, and as much as you hated kicking a girl when she was down, there was still one burning question on the tip of your tongue. 
“You know, Jordan told me about your plans to propose.”
If possible, Lucy’s face pales even more. 
“I spent weeks wondering why you never did, why you broke up with me instead of trying to make the distance work. God knows you loved me enough to ask me to marry you, you should’ve loved me enough to want to make this work.”
You wipe angrily at your face, catching a few tears of frustration before they could slip down your cheeks. 
Lucy’s hand comes forward, instinctive in her attempts to soothe you. You jerk away before she can make contact. As much as you crave her touch, you know you can’t let your heart rule your actions. 
The hurt in her eyes instantly makes you regret your actions, but neither of you have a chance to do or say anything else before the door is slamming open. 
Jill pauses, eyes darting between the two of you. 
“Oh, sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt.” The tension in the room is clear enough that Jill knows something’s going on. 
“Don’t worry about it, we were just finishing up.” 
Before Lucy can stop you, you’re pushing right past her and back into the bar. You pretend you can’t feel Lucy’s gaze following you through the crowd.  
---
It’s the pounding that wakes you up. 
Shooting up in bed, your legs tangle in the sheets before you can get your bearings. You hit the floor with a thump, letting out an annoyed groan. 
You don’t remember what time you got back from the party. 
Everything after you left the bathroom is a blur. The shots you took. The dancing. The partying.
Really, all of it helped to serve a dual purpose. On one hand, you had to battle the disappointment of not winning the World Cup. It was crushing, being so close but not making it out of the semi-finals. But on the other, the partying was especially helpful in masking the big Lucy-sized hole in your life. 
The last thing you remember is Rose shoving you into your bed, muttering something about how you owe her fifty cups of coffee when you get back home. 
You yank open the door, ready to tell off the person on the other side. You’re left blinking blearily through the bright hallway lights when you realize who it is. 
“I miss the way you used to smile at me.”
Lucy looks like she came straight from the afterparty. She’s still dressed in the same clothes she was wearing when she cornered you in the bathroom earlier. 
You didn’t have a chance to admire it before. She looks dashing. Hot. She always does. You were too busy trying not to cry earlier that you didn’t really get a good look at her. 
But in your still half-asleep daze, you can’t help but appreciate the way she looks right now. 
“I miss waking up to you lying on top of me.”
You’re actively aware of how underdressed you are. There’s a slight draft coming in from the hotel hallway and you have to fight the urge to burrow yourself back into your blankets.
“I miss everything about you, and I don’t think I ever told you how much I loved you when I still had the chance to.”
It’s that sentence that jolts you back into the present. You suddenly remember where you are, who is in front of you, and the words she’s saying.
“Lucy--”
“I love you.” This time when she interrupts you, there’s a look of determination in her eyes. “There isn’t a moment I stopped. And you’re right. I wanted to ask you to marry me. I still do. But the truth was, I-- I was scared. I was scared that if we did long distance, if we tried to make things work, you’d learn that you didn’t want this. Us. That the distance wasn’t worth it. So I… I ended things before you could.”
Lucy lets out a quiet sigh and you don’t miss the way her fingers seem to itch to reach out for you.
“I know now that none of this is worth it if I don’t have you waiting for me to come home to. I don’t want to be playing on the other side of the world if it means not having you. Not being with you. I’m so sorry for everything. I love you.”
A loaded silence follows her confession. Lucy’s looking at you with the biggest eyes, and it takes everything in your power not to just forgive her right there.
“You shouldn’t be here,” you sigh instead, not sure if you even have the mental capacity to have this conversation right now. 
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Her response is instant.
As much as you’d love to just slam the door in Lucy’s face, there’s also the part of you that knows you’ll just end up regretting it if you do.
Stepping back, you let Lucy slip into your room before you’re closing the door. This is definitely a conversation you’re sure your hotel neighbors wouldn’t want to hear.
You have to brace yourself before you turn to face Lucy again.
“Luce, I meant what I said earlier. Nothing’s changed.”
Your words were spoken with anger earlier. Now though, now there’s a quiet resignation behind them. 
You both knew the truth. Long distance relationships are hard to work with. Rebuilding a relationship while doing long distance? Well that’s even harder.
“What if I told you I’d be willing to leave Barca? That I’d be willing to come play in Seattle?”
Lucy’s words take you by surprise. You know how hard she worked to get to play for Barcelona. That team’s always been a dream of hers.
 You’re instantly frowning. “Then I’d tell you not to.”
Lucy’s eyes widen when you round on her, jabbing a finger against her chest.
“What the hell are you thinking, Lucy? I’m not letting you leave Barcelona just to fucking be with me. I turned down offers to go to City for the same reason you turned down offers to go to Arsenal. We were never willing to sacrifice our careers, the relationships we’ve made with our teammates, for each other. We didn’t do it then, and I’ll be damned if we started now.”
“Then what do you want me to do? I love you, and this is me getting down on my knees,” Lucy drops to her knees just to prove her point, “begging you to take me back. Let me make up for breaking both of our hearts.”
You’re mad. Madder than you’ve ever been. To think Lucy thought you’d want her to give up everything she’s worked so hard for? Maybe she didn’t know you as well as you thought she did.
There’s really only one thing left for you to do. One thing you know will get your point across.
You kiss her.
It’s obvious Lucy’s not expecting it. She gasps out quietly against your lips before she’s kissing you back with fervor, standing when you tug her back up to her feet.
You let her back you up until you hit the wall, sighing against her mouth.
Oh how much you’ve missed this.
Her hands drop from yours, loosely grabbing hold of your hips as you drape your arms around the back of her neck. It’s almost as if you just can’t get your body close enough to Lucy’s. Her body against yours is a familiar and comforting feeling, but no matter how hard you pull her towards you or how tight you press yourself against her, you just can’t get close enough.
You’re not sure how long it is before you’re turning your head, trying to catch your breath. It’s a bit cute how Lucy chases after you, not wanting her lips to leave yours so soon.
It isn’t until your hands push gently at her shoulders that Lucy stops with a start.
Her face twists into one of alarm when she notices the tears on your face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t--”
You shake your head, laughing wetly into the side of her neck. 
“God, you’re an asshole, you know that?”
She falls silent, nervously looking back at you. 
You lean in again, slower this time, pressing a quick and soft kiss upon her lips.
Lucy all but melts against you.
When you pull away, you watch as she hazily blinks, eyes a little out of focus.
“You’re not coming to Seattle.”
There’s a crinkle between her brows, but Lucy slowly shakes head. “I won’t.”
“You’re staying at Barcelona.”
“If that’s what you want.”
You have to shut your eyes then. Lucy’s looking at you as if you hung the stars up in the sky, adoration shining in her dark eyes. It hurts to have her looking at you like that and you’re just so goddamn tired of this. Of fighting what you know is a losing battle. “What I want is for you to just love me.”
You don’t make it easy for her. 
A couple years pass and you’ve long retired from the national team when she finally makes the move overseas to join you. Despite your love for England and your time with the gunners, you never make a move to return to the place you now fondly think of as the ‘place where everything started.’ You argue with Lucy when she tells you she’s leaving her club team in England, knowing her national team days are limited now as well, but she just brushes off your concerns and plants a kiss against your forehead. 
By the time Lucy joins you for your last couple years in Seattle, the two of you have long gotten married, a simple affair done in her hometown, with only your families and closest friends in attendance. 
It’s not easy getting to where you’ve gotten, countless screaming matches and tearful make-ups littering the bumpy road to recovery, but you guys somehow make it. Lucy somehow gets you to fall even deeper in love with her, and you somehow get her to do the same with you, all of your friends gagging whenever they catch you still being disgustingly in love with each other.
Your story began and ended when Lucy charmed and then broke your heart in Manchester, the plane that took her away only making things worse until she could try to make it better again. Your story ended and began again with closure and acceptance on the other side of the world, closure for the things you couldn’t fix and the acceptance that maybe the two of you had to break before you could truly start again anew, painting over the cracks before you could see the beauty in the way you loved each other.
It’s a soft story riddled with bumps in the road and detours every here and there, but there’s no other type of love the two of you would want, because this is the one the two of you share. And sharing that love is enough for the two of you. It always has been. And always will be.
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grizzersmamma · 3 months
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Does your 1fae1 Nikto end up having any children with the reader, like Ghost and Love with their Cabbage?
Had this ask in my box for a while because I wasn’t sure if it was a little too early to discuss it, but of course we can give Nikto and his girl a little baby of their own! I get the feeling this kiddo would have to be an accident, because I can’t see Nikto really wanting to deliberately have a child lmao. Very much a case of “I can’t impregnate my partner because that would require magic” only to realise after getting a positive pregnancy test that the majority of magic depends on intention and, apparently, playing hard into the breeding kink while balls deep in your partner can be considered intent. Who knew?
IDK if this will be canon or not, but I’m always a sucker for fantasy babies, so here we go. Stealing Liebling and Witch from @ghouljams for this short little fic.
You’re not entirely sure how you ended up in this situation, sitting in a little plant store with a seer on one side and an actual witch on the other. A small creature resting in your arms, a creature that, given what you thought you knew about the world, shouldn’t exist.  
At least the atmosphere in the shop is pleasant enough.  
Liebling looks like she can’t quite decide whether to be concerned on your behalf or fascinated with the whole situation. She scratches at her chin, chewing at her bottom lip in thought. Alternatively, the Witch seems to be positively gleeful, cooing at your baby as if she isn’t tempting fate by being so close to such sharp little teeth.  
Your baby’s head tilts upward to look at you... and then so does her other head... and her third one.  
The tiny lizard trills eagerly to you, wriggling when you offer her a soft smile in return. You had hoped that she would be able to maintain her human form while out in public, but the moment you stepped into Liebling’s store she had torn free of her human skin and returned to her natural one. You suppose you should be grateful that she’d held her form for as long as she had.  
It’s been a while since you last had the opportunity to socialise with your friends – looking after a baby while also working has been more than exhausting – but it feels good to actually have people to discuss your less than typical lifestyle with.  
“You’re such a beautiful girl,” The Witch coos at your baby, absolutely taken by the bundle of black scales snuggled up in your arms, “I bet you’re a very good girl, aren’t you?” In response, the baby offers an ear-splitting shriek loud enough to rattle the teacups on the table.  
You can’t help snorting at that, shaking your head despite the urge to wince when your ears continue to ring for several long moments. “I wouldn’t quite say that,” you admit, “I’m not sure if she’s more trouble when she has opposable thumbs or when she’s liable to burn the house down with a rogue sneeze.”  
The Witch gives a dramatic gasp, covering her mouth, “no! She’s just a little baby!” she protests, looking desperate to touch your baby despite the danger. Unfortunately for her, your little girl pays her no mind, continuing to chirp at you as if trying to contribute to the conversation.  
It’s still weird to look down at your own baby and see a winged reptile with three bobbing heads. Maybe one day you’ll get used to the strange life you’re now leading.  
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riahlynn101 · 6 months
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could you keep doing fluffy schmelly fanfics?? i’m in in love with those 🥹
Of course :D!! I'm thinking of making these a series.
Have these two goofballs being overly competitive!
--
Vanessa beats Mike to the pizzeria. Not by much, as he pulls in right after her, but Vanessa takes her victories where she can. She pretends not to notice how his face seemingly lights up when they both get out of their respective cars. 
“Slow night?” He asks, sounding exhausted as always. She stands next to him, watching as he struggles to unlock the front door. 
“Not slow enough.”
They make their way into the lobby. The animatronics are still on stage, which makes sense given that it’s only ten. 
“So, you’re here early,” she says, taking off her jacket. The inside, for once, isn’t freezing cold. Maybe the owner finally realized that there’s actual people inside? 
“The babysitter got to my house earlier than expected,” Mike explains, starting his routine check of making sure everything is still in place. He peeks through the curtains, using a flashlight to check on each of the animatronics. “And Abby was already in bed.”
“....And you didn’t want to hang out any longer than you had to.” It’s not a question, but Mike answers anyway. 
“No, if I have to sit through one more minute of Max scrutinizing every little thing about how I parent Abby, I’ll scream. More and more, she reminds me of my Aunt Jane.” 
“What’s wrong with your Aunt Jane?”
Mike finishes up looking behind the curtain, and gives her an annoyed look. 
“Come on, she can’t be that bad. Right?”
“She’s actively trying to get Abby taken away from me. That woman has had it out for me since I was a kid.”
Vanessa hums. “Well, at least she isn’t here.”
“Small mercies,” Mike says in a monotone voice.
“Exactly.”
He groans, sweeping his flashlight across the various arcade machines. 
Vanessa shrugs. She looks over all the different games. “I used to love playing these games,” she murmurs. “I had the highest score on a majority of the cabinets.”
“Really?” Mike asks, sounding genuinely impressed. “Which one did you have the highest score on?”
“Pac-Man.”
“Pac-Man?”
“Pac-Man,” Vanessa repeats. “What about it?”
“I just….that happens to be a game I also got the highest score on. Not here, obviously, but I think it’s kind of cool that we….” Mike trails off, returning to his nightly task of making sure nothing’s broken. 
“Heh, bet my score was higher.”
“Was not,” Mike shoots back. Realizing how childish he must sound, Mike composes himself. “I guess we’ll never know.”
They both look longingly at the arcade cabinet. It’s powered off and covered in a layer of dust, likely due to not being used for years on end. 
They exchange a glance at one another. 
“I’m going to turn the power on for the arcade!” Mike shouts, sprinting towards the office. 
In the same breath, Vanessa shouts back, “I’ll start cleaning the machine off!”
-x-x-x-
“Wow,” Mike says, watching Vanessa play over her shoulder. “You are pretty good.”
She scoffs playfully. “Just pretty good?”
“Eh…goodish,” he teases. To which Vanessa takes her hand off the joystick to smack his shoulder. 
Her attention wavers for just a second, but in that second, Pac-man dies. “Noooo,” she groans. “Thanks a lot.”
Vanessa sees him smirk out of her peripheral vision. This only fuels her insistent need for competition. The last time she felt this strongly about beating someone was before her brother died. 
She grits her teeth and focuses even more on the game. 
“....You know-”
“Shut up,” Vanessa mutters, refusing to allow anyone to distract her. 
“But-”
“No.”
“But I-”
“Shush.” She waves a dismissive hand in his direction. 
“Hmpf.” Mike crosses his arms, looking almost like a petulant child. If she weren’t so set on getting the best high score, Vanessa would laugh. 
Eventually, though, she makes a mistake, and she has to move aside to let Mike play. Although, seeing her score (albeit briefly) makes the ten minutes of constant stress well worth it. Vanessa doesn’t want to think less of Mike, but there’s no way he can beat her score. 
“Soooo,” she starts, in the same conversational tone that Mike did, “you come here often?”
Instead of shushing her, Mike just side-eyes her. “Unfortunately. You?”
“Same,” Vanessa sighs, dramatically.
Mike snorts. “Well, you don’t have to. You know that right? Unlike me, you don’t get paid for being here.”
Vanessa gives an even more dramatic sigh, whirling around so she’s facing towards the lobby. “I can leave if you want.”
“What?” Mike asks, sounding actually terrified at the prospect of her leaving. “Wait, Vanessa, I didn’t mean-”
The arcade game goes into a game over screen. 
Vanessa grins, turning back to face Mike. “Ha!”
He rolls his eyes, trying and failing to keep the grin off his face. “Whatever. It was bound to happen anyway.”
“Uh, huh, sure.”
They glance over their scores, taking the time to appreciate them. Vanessa’s last score from over a decade ago is nowhere near their scores from today. 
Mike stares at the screen in disbelief. “We-” 
“Tied,” she finishes. 
“How?”
Which is a very good question, and one that Vanessa can not possibly answer. By all accounts they should not have tied. And not because she’s a sore loser or anything, but because Vanessa’s fairly certain they were both on different levels when they lost. Not that there’s any way to prove that.
“We need to break the tie,” Mike says, a finality in his tone. 
She nods. 
They look around the arcade. There’s five or six different arcade cabinets, a few (probably rigged) claw machines, and….
They look at each other. 
“Skee ball,” they say in unison.
-x-x-x-
In the corner, unseen, two boys watch over their respective, overly-competitive siblings. 
“She’s always been like this,” Cassidy mutters. “Used to sock me in the arm when she lost.” He rubs his arm. “Hurt like a-”
“Mikey has always been competitive too. Though, he didn’t hit me when he lost.” Garrett watches the display with interest. “I’m just glad he’s having fun. I haven’t seen him smile since…”
“Her either. It’s…kind of nice. I’ve missed seeing her smile.”
Watching is the best they can do (well, that and occasionally messing with the arcade machines), but for now, that’s all they have to do. For once, their siblings aren’t in pain or danger. 
And for now….
….that is more than they can hope for.
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kimbappykidding · 2 years
Text
How Seventeen react when their crush gets drunk and flirts with them
Scoups - Looks after you
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You'd come over to the Seventeen's house to celebrate Wonwoo's birthday and only planned on having one drink. Fast forward to 6 hours and many drinks later you had given up on any notion of driving home tonight. You were very drunk and currently trying not to fall asleep at the table but your head kept nodding.
While Scoups found sleepy y/n adorable he didn't want you to be uncomfortable from falling asleep in an awkward position so he tapped Jeonghan. "Hey did we say where y/n was going to crash tonight?". Jeonghan shook his head "no, I think she said the sofa would be fine but you know how long these things last and she looks pretty tired already". Scoups nodded and Jeonghan smirked "you know last time she stayed over didn't she crash in your room?". Scoups nodded purposefully ignoring the smirk "yeah...and I slept down here so you can stop with whatever your hinting at". Jeonghan smiled "all I'm saying is it's going to become a habit you know but I bet you'd be fine with that". "Whatever" Scoups replied and made his way over to you. 
You were gently dozing and he tapped your arm a few times "y/n...y/n wake up". You jolted awake suddenly and Scoups grabbed your arm "y/n it's fine it's just me". "Scoups?" you asked groggily and he nodded "yeah me". "I like you Scoups" you replied and he smiled "I like you too, are you tired? If you want you can have my room again like last time". You nodded "yeah I'm sleepy...but I don't want to take your room again". "No it's fine don't worry, come on let's go" he said offering you a hand. 
You took it and unsteadily made your way onto your feet. Scoups gently held your waist and helped you towards the stairs. Once there he realised this might be more challenging. "Is it just me or are the stairs a lot smaller?" you asked. Scoups smiled "okay hold on" and quickly picked you up. You laughed at the sensation "how do you do that so easily? You're so strong". Scoups just chuckled but you pressed at his arm with a finger "see, very impressive. I've checked you out quite a few times when you weren't looking". Scoups blushed "ow really?". You nodded "like that time in the summer when you took your shirt off in the garden...I nearly passed out". Scoups laughed but was blushing vividly and didn't know what to say so he just took you into his room and gently set you down. "Okay so here we are, the bedding is clean and I've got some clothes if you want to change out of your dress...I can go grab you a glass of water too if you want?". You smiled "I definitely think I'll want that in the morning. Thanks Scoups you're so nice". "No problem" he smiled and returned five minutes later to find you tucked up in his bed wearing his clothes. "Thank you so much!" you cried when you saw him and he laughed "no problem, now try and get some sleep". "Wait you're not staying?" you asked "to sleep?". Scoups paused blushing "no I'll sleep on the sofa last time". "But why?" you whined and Scoups smiled "because I want to give you privacy". "But I hate sleeping alone...can't you stay?". Scops was glad you were too drunk to notice how red he was and he nodded "well sure if you want me to". "Of course I want you to, don't tell the others but I have a thing for you". Scoups laughed and climbed in next to you "I won't tell anyone". "Good" you smiled and moved closer to him but not enough to touch him, as if you were waiting for permission "night scoups". He moved his arm to hold you and you quickly settled against him. He noted how you just fit against him perfectly and how you now had a content smile on your face. "Good night y/n" he smiled and drifted off to sleep.
  Jeonghan - Tries to call your bluff You and jeonghan had a thing going on for aggggeees. However you were pretty reserved and shy so nothing much happened. He'd flirt with you, you'd flirt back a little and then get embarrassed. This happened every time and Jeonghan was lost at how to go beyond flirting...when you got drunk and took care of it for him. You were playing a drinking game with the boys and were well and truly pissed. You all had to pick up a card and do what it said and next was Jeonghan. "Do the pepero challenge with the person on your left" Jeonghan read out and the members began to make a big deal because it was you but Jeonghan shushed them "hey calm down! We don't have to do it". "Yes we do" you spoke up and Jeonghan froze "what?". "Have you never played truth or dare before Jeonghan?" you teased him and the members chuckled. "If you pick the dare there's no getting out of it, unless you're too scared or something?". Jeonghan smirked "not at all princess" and winked without missing a beat. Instead of blushing though you just smiled "perfect, let's do this". Jeonghan felt himself waver slight but he was the confidence king he couldn't back down! So he got into position and looked up at you. "Last chance to back out y/n" Jeonghan said as he unwrapped the snack but you just shook your head smiling at him "i'm not going anywhere and you're going to lose". His members all cheered at your fight talk and Jeonghan laughed. "You know you're pretty cute when you're cocky". "and you're pretty handsome when you're stalling" you replied. "Okay okay!" Jeonghan said and he placed one end of the chocolate stick in his mouth. You took the other end without hesitation and Jeonghan got very close to your face. He could tell you'd drank a lot based on how big your pupils were but if anything it just made your eyes even more mesmerising. Up close you looked so beautiful but you also had a cheeky smirk on your face which was so attractive to Jeonghan. He moved further down the snack, closer to you, slowly so as to build tension but after a few seconds you weren't having any of it. You moved more than halfway down and the member shrieked at how close your lips were. Jeonghan momentarily panicked, his heart fluttering before he grinned and moved a millimetre closer. He could tell he'd won because any closer and you'd be kissing him, there's no way you'd do that. Then once again you surprised him. You moved the tiniest bit forward and he felt your lips brush against his and pulled away in a panic. The members all loved it and began teasing Jeonghan about how he was all talk and crowned you the winner. You were graciously accepting your title while Jeonghan figured out a way to calm his red face down. You looked so happy and proud of yourself Jeonghan found it adorable. He decided confident drunk you could beat him any day if it made you smile like that. Joshua - Flirts back You and Joshua had always had quite a flirty and forward relationship anyway but when you were drunk it was a whole other level. The members had bets on to see how long before you started and it usually only took one or two drinks. Today was no exception. As you stood up to get another drink you noticed Joshua watching you or more accurately a part of you. "Were you just staring at my ass?" you asked him. Joshua paused before nodding "yeah". "You're not even going to deny it?" you laughed. He shrugged "there's not much point, you caught me red-handed. Plus I've caught you plenty of times so I think we're even". "Ow yeah like when?" you asked sitting back down, your drink now forgotten and the members shot each other looks. "When we went to the lake and your eyes practically popped out of their socket when I fell in". You shrugged "you happen to have a really good chest, that's all". "Funny I was going to say the same thing about you" he replied. "You're such a bad flirt!" you cried and Joshua held a hand to his chest "I'm an excellent flirt, I bet I can make you blush before I do". You nodded "you're on".
The members watched amused as the two of you stood up facing one another and prepared to have a flirt-off. The first one to blush or break their blank expression lost. Seungkwan was the adjudicator. You were having fun until the flirts got less cheesy and more specific and intense. You suddenly got more flustered and the reality of being in a flirt off with your crush dawned on you. As you didn’t have a comeback the boys crowned Joshua the winner and you congratulated him but still felt weird. You waited 5 minutes and then slipped out of the room and headed outside to think but Joshua noticed. 
“Hey...are you okay?” Joshua asked appearing on the porch beside you. You nodded “yeah it’s just now occurring to me I’m very drunk and said some stuff I definitely won’t be able to take back”. “What if I don’t want you to take them back?” Joshua asked and you paused “you don’t?”. He shook his head “I meant everything I said so please tell me you did too”. You nodded “I did” and Joshua smiled “good” and came to stand back in front of you. You must’ve had some liquid courage left because you made the first move and kissed him.    Jun - Has no idea what to do, PANIC You'd always found Jun very very very good looking but as he was quieter around people he didn't know, specifically girls, you never told him. However with your inhibitions lowered you slipped up. "If you had to rank one member as best looking..." Mingyu started and without hesitation you nodded "Jun". Some of the members chuckled at the speed of your answer but Jun himself just looked confused. "I'm sorry?" Jun asked. "I said you, I think you're easily the best looking in the group" you replied and Jun nodded "ow..." looking away. "Are you sure?" Mingyu asked "you answered rather quickly, maybe if you considered...". "I'm sure" you nodded "Jun's got one of those faces you can't be unattracted to and he's tall and muscular...yeah he's my number one". You spoke with the bluntness of a tipsy person and didn't realise how your words were affecting Jun...until he excused himself and the members all burst out laughing. Even pretty far gone you were worried you might've upset Jun so you waited a few minutes and went to find him. You found him flicking through his phone in the kitchen but he nearly dropped it when he saw you. "Y/n..." he said and you nodded "sorry if I made you uncomfortable in there". Jun shook his head "no you didn't..." and trailed off awkwardly but he didn't move to walk away. "Okay...that's good. I know it's hard to become your friend and I really don't want to mess that up. I think you're hot but I promise I'm not always checking you out or something...well I mean sometimes I do it without meaning to but I'll try and stop that". You hadn't realised but with every passing word Jun got redder and his eyes wider. "It's erm okay..." he finally managed "you can if you want". "Check you out?" you asked smiling slightly. Jun nodded, made eye contact with you and then said "bye" and rushed away. You weren't sure where this left your friendship but we’re pleased Jun was encouraging you to check him out, that had to be good news. Hoshi - Super smug and happy
Drunk, you and Hoshi became opposites. Hoshi became sleepy while you became energetic which was hilarious considering you were very close friends. Tonight you were at a summer festival and felt the familiar warm buzz fall over you. You noticed people dancing and instantly wanted to take part and who better than Hoshi? However he was already feeling sleepy and was refusing to accompany you. "Come on I want to dance and you love to dance!" you whined. "I'll dance with you y/n" Seungkwan said but you shook your head "no I want Hoshi". The members laughed at Seungkwan’s face but Hoshi's was the real picture. The minute you said those words he lit up and he looked like a child at Christmas. That was apparently all the motivation he needed to wake back up and he shot up instantly surprising you. "Well why didn't you just say that darling?" he asked and took your hand. You paused a bit flustered but took his hand and Hoshi marched you over to the crowd shooting smug smiles at everyone he passed.
Hoshi showed off a bit with his dancing but you were so drunk it went over your head and you were just laughing, having a good time. Hoshi thought you looked so carefree and beautiful so when a slow song started he didn’t hesitate to pull you closer. You wrapped your arms around his neck and smiled “thank you for dancing with me”. “No problem...did you mean what you said earlier? That you only wanted to dance with me?”. You nodded “of course! Any excuse for me to wrap my arms around you”. Hoshi beamed “so you like me?”. You nodded and Hoshi’s face broke into an even bigger smile. “Do you like me?” you asked back and Hoshi grinned “you have no idea” and kissed you. 
He didn’t stop smiling all night.     Wonwoo - Defends you from the members' teasing
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It was a games night and you all got randomly paired up with another person. The moment you pulled your name you cheered and leapt into the air. "We are going to crush you!' you yelled and they all laughed at your tipsiness and subsequent confidence. "So I'm guessing you got..." Scoups started. "Wonwoo the greatest game player ever" you said shooting the boy a smile. Wonwoo smiled back at your compliments but tried to deny them. "You're just being modest we gonna kill it" you said resting your arm on his shoulder and the members laughed to see Wonwoo just nod in response, a light blush on his cheeks. When the games started you hung back and let Wonwoo do the hard work as he was far better than you. It was working well and your team was winning but the others quickly noticed your strategy. "Y/n are you gonna take over from Wonwoo at all?" Jeonghan called teasing. "No I'm good" you shot back.  "You know you're just being carried to first place right?". "I have no problems with that" you said. Wonwoo won and turned to Jeonghan "she played the first one and she did well so she's a good teammate". You smiled "talented and sweet, see I really have the best partner. Cookie?" you asked holding one out to him "we have to keep your energy levels up if we want to win". Wonwoo laughed smiling "okay maybe one". The members rolled their eyes a little as you fed him the cookie "I think Wonwoo's enjoying this" Mingyu commented and Joshua nodded "I know he is". The night continued with you sustaining Wonwoo as he got you closer and closer to victory. Then you just turned full cheerleader. "Go wonwoo! Go wonwoo! Go wonwoo!" you chanted getting more and more excited as he kept beating everyone. Finally he defeated the last person and you squealed "we won! Woneoo beat you all I told you he would!" and you hugged his shoulders happily. The members all laughed seeing how excited you were. "I think we were a good team" you said to Wonwoo and The8 snorted "team? You did one race!". "Yeah but she cheered for me and shouted tips" Wonwoo called. You nodded at The8 as if to say “there take that” and he laughed at how Wonwoo clearly liked you. "On second thought you do seem to work well together" he said "you compliment each other well". You smiled looking at Wonwoo "we do, so it's decided from now on I will be Wonwoo's partner every games night?". "More like every night if Wonwoo worked up the courage to ask you out" Joshua commented making you look over. "What was that?" you asked not hearing him. "I'm all for it" Joshua smiled "any objections Wonwoo?". "No" Wonwoo said staring at him and Joshua got the impression he might've heard his earlier comment. "Great it's settled! Y/n and Wonwoo are a permanent pair" Joshua said smiling sweetly. He knew Wonwoo would kill him for that later but while you were sitting beside him he couldn't do anything. Woozi - Speechless
You were the smallest backing dancer and so usually got put with Woozi by default. He always felt bad for this so when you got put with Mingyu instead for a dance he was pleased for you. He liked you but was sure someone like you wouldn’t like him. Then he saw you out in a club. 
You literally ran straight into him and apologised before realising who it was “Woozi! How are you?” you asked hugging him happily. Woozi quickly realised you were drunk and hugged you back. “Hey, i’m good how are you? It’s been a while”. You nodded “I know” rolling your eyes “I love Mingyu but I miss being your dance partner so much”. Woozi was stunned “you do? Why?”. "Because I miss you of course!” you cried “you’re such a good dancer and I just feel like we fit together so well. With Mingyu he’s so much bigger than me it’s like dancing with a giant. Plus I don’t think he’s used to dancing with someone so much smaller than him, he’s not as good with me as you”. Woozi felt like he might pass out from those words but you didn’t seem to notice. “Then again I might be biased, I do have a thing for you”. Woozi’s eyes widened “me?”. You laughed “yes you! I thought you were handsome and then I heard you sing and I was so stunned. Not because I didn’t believe you were a great singer but because I didn’t realise you were that good. You can sing, write, produce and dance. What can’t you do?” you asked. Woozi didn’t know what to say so he just laughed awkwardly and then cursed himself for the noise that came out of his mouth.
You seemed to finally realise he was a little flustered and smiled. “If you’ve missed me too then maybe we can make up for it tonight. I don’t plan on leaving the dance floor all night so if you want to relive old times you should come and find me”. Still unable to talk Woozi nodded and you laughed “see you Woozi” and gently pecked his cheek before disappearing. Woozi watched you go and touched his cheek where you’d kissed him. He’d hardly said a word but that was the best conversation of his life. 
DK - Doesn’t believe you
Drunk you always got quite complimentary and Dk was usually your target. He never got why you flirted with him so much. When you went out of your way to tell him how good he looked tonight he decided to finally confront you on the matter. 
"Are you making fun of me?" Dk asked his face oddly vulnerable and a little sad. You shook your head "of course not! I think you look really good, red suits you". Dk blushed "ow...thank you". You smiled "you're welcome! You're a really good-looking guy Dk you should be more confident". Dk blushed again "yeah I know it's just hard sometimes when your members look like gods". You shook your head "don’t compare yourself to them you're you. That's more than good enough. I've never met anyone as funny and nice as you". "Yeah I definitely have niceness down" he said sighing. “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?” you asked “I’d choose being nice over being good-looking any day”. Dk nodded “yeah but that’s just something hot people say”. You shook your head “being a nice person is so much more important Dk...”. “Yeah but girls like you don’t date a guy just because he’s nice”. “Since when?” you asked and Dk sighed “since forever!”. You shook your head “well I don’t believe you and I can prove it”. “How?” Dk asked and you smiled “let me take you out on a date”. 
Dk stared at you for a few seconds before shaking his head “I don’t want a pity date y/n”. “It’s not!” you cried “I’ve always found you attractive but was too nervous to ask you out...but you putting yourself down was too much so I’m finally being honest with you”. “Well that’s convenient” Dk said and you sighed. “I’ve liked you since I first saw the video for very nice. I thought you seemed so fun and I could tell just by watching you how sweet you were. Then I met you and realised what a great person you are...and how attractive you are. I find the little beauty spot on your cheek nice and your smile is so beautiful. Plus your tanned skin...you’re hot Dk okay! What do I have to do to prove I really like you?" you asked growing pretty passionate in your drunk state. Dk shrugged confused and also growing more energetic "I don't know!". An idea suddenly seized you and you grinned “I know!” and kissed him. 
Dk froze but soon relaxed into it. He was just starting to really get into it when you pulled away “so now do you believe me?”. Dk grinned goofily “sure” and you smiled wrapping your arms around him “good...i’ll pick you up Saturday at 7″. “Fine by me” Dk smiled and he melted into your arms. 
Mingyu - Awkward af
Mingyu was not unfamiliar with people flirting with him. He was attractive and very aware of that however he always figured you didn't like him. You were friends with The8 and had a similar dry sense of humour. Sarcasm rolled off your tongue easily and Mingyu was never sure if you were insulting or complimenting him. So that's why he was surprised when you named him as the best-looking member. Jeonghan had started an argument jokingly about if Mingyu was good-looking or not and everyone was debating it. Half the people said he was and the other half said other members were better looking. You were staying out of it listening politely when Scoups ranked him as the 10th good-looking. "Ow come on you're not playing properly!" you cried making everyone laugh at how you slightly slurred your words. "I'm not?" Scoups asked grinning and you shook your head "no! You're just putting Mingyu last because you know it'll make him mad". That was exactly what Scoups was doing but he wasn't going to admit that when he could distract you. "Ow yeah and where would you put Mingyu then?". You paused and Mingyu sighed ready for you to refuse to play because it was mean or put him 9th or something but instead you muttered a number. "I'm sorry what was that?" Scoups asked and you rolled your eyes "fine I'd put him first okay!". The members all made a big fuss over that and Scoups smirked "and now we see the reason she was defending him, she thinks he's hot". You blushed but didn't deny it and Mingyu's jaw dropped. Vernon snorted seeing him so surprised and spilt his drink everywhere. All he could say was "Mingyu" and kept pointing at him laughing. Mingyu was very pink and hurried to clean up Vernon's drink for something to do. Luckily the members took pity on him and changed the subject but when he looked up you were watching him and his heart sped up all over again. This was not the type of flirting he was used to and he worried it might kill him but watching the way you were looking at him, he was ready for that.
The8 - Tells you to stop but secretly wants you to keep going
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You loved corny pick-up lines and it really showed when you got drunk. The8 was usually your victim because you loved how much he "hated" them and tonight was just as fun. "Stop it you're so cringe" The8 said nudging you with his arm to stop you from telling him any more lines. "You love it admit it!" you replied but before he could reply Hoshi tapped your arm and roped you into a conversation. The8 watched and felt slightly annoyed. He wanted to know what you were going to say and of course he didn't actually hate having your attention on him. He actually really liked it, especially in front of the guys. So The8 began vying for your attention. You had your legs crossed and he used his foot to knock your leg down off the other. You jolted at the sudden movement and shot him a look before moving your leg back and returning to Hoshi. The8 wasn't having that so he waited a few seconds and then knocked your leg again but this time he also kept his foot on top of yours lightly so you couldn't just move it back. You tried to move it but The8 wouldn't let you and finally you whined and turned to him "Stoopppp". The8 just smiled more to see your pouty face and shook his head "make me". You pretended to be angry but he could see your smirk and you just gave up trying "I thought you told me to stop and now you're the one bugging me. I knew you liked it". The8 shrugged "whatever" but he didn't turn away "you want to do something tomorrow? Once you've gotten over your hangover of course?". "I'd love to!" you smiled. The8 smiled pleased and hung an arm over the back of your chair. You leaned in slightly and then carried on chatting to Hoshi. 
Maybe cringey pick-up lines weren’t the worst thing after all.
Seungkwan - So excited  Seungkwan had liked you for ages and according to the members it was very obvious. However you were very quiet and so he was never sure if you liked him back or were just an introvert politely responding to his many questions. So when you saw him at the bar and started drunkenly initiating conversation with him, he was thrilled. He'd barely walked 2 meters from his table when he heard someone call his name and he turned. When he saw you waving at him excitedly from a table he was momentarily confused if you meant him but you said his name so he went over. “Seungkwan! I’m so glad you’re here” you said and he smiled “you are?”. You nodded “of course, you’re like my favourite person ever!” nearly knocking over a bottle on your table. Your friend caught it just in time and looked to Seungkwan “sorry she’s had a lot to drink”. You frowned at her but Seungkwan quickly swept in “favourite person huh? That’s a pretty big claim”. In response you shrugged “Well it’s true, you’re always so kind and friendly even though I don’t like to talk much. You make me feel included and special and so I like you...do you like me?”. Seungkwan’s heart was fluttering even though he knew you probably meant as friends but his response was the same either way. “Of course I do!” he replied sitting down “I’m relieved though, I was worried I might be bothering you by my constant questions”. You shook your head “nope I like talking to you” and Seungkwan felt like he could float away. “Well i’ll keep doing it then” he said his members and the drinks long forgotten. His plan was now to stay with you and talk the night away. 
“Hey has anyone seen Seungkwan?” Joshua asked and Dino smiled “yeah he’s with y/n”. “Y/n?” Jeonghan asked and they all looked over to see Seungkwan sat chatting with you. You were very enthusiastic and Seungkwan was matching that energy and then some. Scoups smiled “finally, he’s been into her for ages”. “Yeah but he wasn’t sure if she liked him back” Woozi nodded. “Well I think we can safely say she does” Wonwoo said and to prove his point the two of you burst into happy laughter.  Vernon - Doesn't take you seriously   You’d had a crush on Vernon for ages and usually you were good at hiding it. However when he invited you “as friends” to be his date at his sister’s wedding you got swept up in the romantic air and couldn't help but flirt more and more as the night went on. 
“This is nice...you should take me out more often” you said nudging Vernon’s arm as you watched the couples dance. Vernon smirked “ow yeah? Well the next wedding I go to you’re my date”. “Really?” you asked and he nodded “yeah sure”. You smiled “I’m holding you to that, you’re going to be my go-to date to any event I attend and you have to come”. Vernon smiled “try and stop me”. “I mean it!” you told him “all of them, weddings, funerals, lame New Years' Eve parties. You’re my plus one to all of them and you can’t say no”. Vernon smirked “and what about at my own wedding huh? Or yours?”. You sighed “well I guess our partners will just have to respect the plus one rule, you’re mine for the day and that’s that”. Vernon grinned at you “that seems reasonable” and you nodded “I think so too”. 
It was at that moment you remembered you weren’t alone and noticed Seungkwan sat watching the two of you. He had a smirk on his face and looked like a very proud parent. You got embarrassed realising he’d heard all of that and told them you were going to go dance with the bridesmaids. 
Vernon laughed as you did your go-to dance move and clapped for you. You bowed mockingly and Vernon raised his glass to you. Seungkwan smiled "I’m surprised you’re not racing to join her, I bet she’d rather dance with you than any of them”. Vernon paused "why? Did she say something to you?". Seungkwan paused for a few seconds wondering if Vernon was being serious or not "you're kidding right?". Vernon shook his head "no, why has she said something?". "No but she's only been flirting with you all day!" Seungkwan cried "it's pretty safe to say she's interested". Vernon shook his head "no...she was just being nice because she knows I was feeling weird about my younger sister getting married. That's all". Seungkwan shot him a look "Vernon just think about it for a few seconds okay". He counted to three and saw it dawn on Vernon's face "she wasn't kidding". "No she was not, so what are you doing in here?". "I have no idea!" Vernon admitted and Seungkwan pushed him "then go!". Vernon nodded and rushed to you, leaving Seungkwan smiling fondly at the thought of the two of you finally becoming a thing.
Dino -  Encourages you 
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Being the youngest Dino was happy with any attention he could get really and the same usually applied with girls. You however were a special case. Dino had liked you for ages but the guys all said he had no chance and you were out of his league. So when you got drunk at a garden party and started flirting with him he decided to milk it.  
He took off his jacket and you were amazed at how large his biceps had gotten and were asking him questions about his exercise routine. “So you must work out like every single day to get these results right?” you asked. Dino smiled and shrugged “I work out when I can”. “And you look like that?” you asked “that is not fair! I knew you were fit but this is unreal”. Dino was thrilled and the other members laughed along but began to try and intervene. “Y/n would you like some water?” Scoups asked. Jeonghan nodded “or I can get the guest room ready if you’d like to go to sleep”. You paused thinking but Dino answered for you “she’s fine leave her be...now about you thinking i’m fit?”. You shrugged “well I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t checked you out?”. “Really?” Dino asked leaning forwards and Vernon hit him on the shoulder “you know she’s not going to remember saying all this tomorrow”. “Yes I will” you replied “or if I don’t I’ll be pleased I finally said them! Now everyone leave me and Dino alone”. The members all laughed at your confidence and Dino nodded “yeah everyone leave us alone! Y/n and I are just fine”. You shot him a smile and leaned forwards “now your turn, what do you like about me?”. 
Dino paused and blushed for another reason. He was very comfortable having you list all the things you liked about him but now it was the other way around he was a lot more nervous. “Erm can’t we just stay on the topic of what you like about me?”. You smirked “nope! I may be drunk but i’m not letting you off that easy so spill. Tell me everything”. Dino blushed but downed his drink and nodded “here we go”. 
__________________________
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mishydraws · 2 months
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Very... very unfortunate life update
Hi, everyone.
Ok, I don’t want to waste your time but I wanted to be upfront about what’s going on in my life just so you all know.
Last night I got what is probably one of the worst emails that could have ever appeared in my inbox? Our landlord has given us a 60-day notice to get out. For context, my mom and I have been living here since the year 2000. We have never been late on rent or missed a payment despite every difficulty life has thrown at us in that time and this has completely blindsided us.
We haven’t spoken to any of the neighbors yet but some of the wording on the notice makes me think that they may be kicking out the entire building. Or maybe they’re just targeting those of us in the non-renovated units because we’ve been here so long and they could charge a new tenant much more with a quick kitchen and bathroom upgrade. Renoviction is a new word I just learned. I don’t know. That’s what happened to my brother at his last apartment. They kicked out everyone in his building, renovated, raised the rent, then let new people move in.
They suddenly started increasing our rent every year like clockwork a few years ago so I’ve had a feeling they’ve been trying to price us out for a while but I didn’t know they could just… tell us to leave just because they can. Rent consistently paid up and everything for 24 years.
The notice we received really doesn’t say much so it’s all speculation I guess. It doesn’t state a reason why it just says we need to be gone by March 31st.
But basically, I’m really not doing well right now in all honesty. I slept for maybe an hour last night and it’s like a switch flipped in me as soon as I read the email. My stomach has had this weird knotted feeling ever since and I can’t stand up for more than a few minutes before needing to lie down again in case I either faint or vomit… I’m not sure which but it’s been this way since last night. I had to stand up at the sink to wash one singular dish from dinner and I could barely do it. At least I didn’t see the email until after I ate last night because I still have no appetite now.
However bad I’m feeling I know my mom is probably feeling worse. She has been for a while. She’s getting older and my dad is no longer alive. Aside from my brother and one irl friend I still see in person regularly, we have no family or other support system in this country and are well and truly on our own, staring down the barrel of homelessness if we can’t quickly secure a place and move decades worth of our life there before the end of March.
All of this to say, I don’t know what our usual art shenanigans here are going to look like during this time. I am incredibly stressed to the point where I am physically ill but I also can’t pause and step away because I do need the income that I receive from your support of me/my art here. It’s just the reality. I’ve never been particularly Big And Successful with what I do so your support means all the much more and makes a real impact on my life.
I am so sorry if this dampens your mood at all today or if you notice a decrease in the quality of art I’m able to deliver over the next few months but I will try my best to keep things rolling and let you know if there’s any particular delays to expect.
To top it off, I requested a tour of a nearby apartment last night (more expensive than our current) and the name of the person who just texted me back has the same name as our current landlord. Who wants to start taking bets? I know for a fact they own a lot of property in the area so this isn’t looking promising.
Anyways. Sorry for this downer of a post. If we’re not homeless in 2 months then… I dunno. I’ll have somewhere indoors to do art? Yay? You can imagine the housing market we’re dealing with being in California. The prospect of moving at this point has always been one of my biggest fears but we’ll see if we get lucky real fast 😢
If you've ever thought about supporting my Patreon or anything else, now and over the next few months might be a good time if you can swing it. Maybe it'll help us secure a place to move if I can point to it and be like 'Look! A whole income!' 🥲 Idk man.
There's an art update in the (public) post I made if you want to see what we're at least trying to work on for sticker club through all of this.
Mishy
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berzahoes · 5 months
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show and tell | john frusciante
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summary: john and the reader’s daughter takes something personal for show and tell
warnings: just a few curse words
an: also i just a random name for the daughter, you can totally change it to whatever you’d like :) (to be honest, i was watching the crown when i wrote this soooo)
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“shit! shit! fuck!”
yours and john’s daughter, diana, was eating her breakfast, but she couldn’t help but listen to the words coming out of her mother’s mouth. she knew wasn’t supposed to repeat them so she didn’t.
“no, john, when i say i looked everywhere i mean it!“ you spoke into the phone. you looked at your daughter, who smiled back at you. “i have to take diana to school, it’s show and tell say and she wants me to stay to see what she brought.”
“what is it?” john asked. he was in the studio with the chili peppers recording some songs for their upcoming album.
“she won’t tell me. my bet is the tooth that fell out last week.” you chuckled as you approached your daughter and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“it’s not a tooth!” diana said teasingly.
“say goodbye to dad, you and i need to get to school right now or we’ll be late.” you passed the phone to her so she could say goodbye to john.
“bye daddy! i’m telling mommy to record me so she can show you what i brought for show and tell.” the little girl said.
“okay, make sure she record everything. i love you, di, have a great day at school.” john said. you put the phone back to your ear so you could continue your conversation with your husband.
“i’ll keep searching, but i promise you i have looked everywhere in this damn house. it literally looks like a tornado came through here.”
“i’m sure it’s under the couch or in one of your jewelry boxes, babe. i’ll help look when i get home.”
after saying multiple i love you’s and goodbye to john, you and diana were on the way to school. every school morning, diana begged you to play the chili peppers so you did, at least her favorite songs. she would always sing along to the zephyr song and dark necessities. as you parked in your usual parking spot in front of the elementary school, you made sure you had your purse and phone with you.
diana had gotten out of the car and practically sprinted towards her best friend, lucy, who had brought her father’s firefighter helmet. lucy’s mom had spotted you and gave you a hug.
“what’s wrong? you look tired and stressed. you need a red bull? i always carry extra in here.” lucy’s mom said. she was always seen with energy drinks, something you couldn’t even drink no matter how tired you were.
“i can’t find my wedding ring. and i can’t replace it because it was john’s grandmother’s ring.” you showed your left hand which was supposed to have an old but beautiful silver ring that john had given you years ago when you said i do.
“oh, sweetheart. did you tell john?”
“of course i told him. i don’t keep secrets from him ever. he’s not mad, he even said he’d help look for it after he gets home from the studio. i just hope it’s not lost forever.”
you two entered the elementary school ready to get the show and tell part of the day over with. all the parents that decided to join were stuck sitting in the back in the most uncomfortable tiny chairs. you sat next to lucy’s mom.
“you remember that birthday party the girls went to last month. the one with the bouncy house and ball pit?” lucy’s mom asked.
“yeah, the newman’s right? what about it?” you asked, unsure why she even brought it up.
“mr. newman is staring right at you. i heard he already asked for a divorce. he’s taking that big fancy truck he got for mrs. newman last year. he probably saw your naked hand and think you and john are headed for that divorce too.”
“okay class and parents! we are going to begin with our show and tell. firstly, I want to thank the parents for showing up and our students for bringing their items. i can see you are all very excited so let’s begin. any volunteers?” the teacher asked.
diana’s hand was the first to go up so naturally the teacher let her go first. she stood up from the carpet and faced her classmates. the teacher saw that she didn’t have anything to show so she was confused until she saw the little girl reach into her pocket and pull out something.
“diana, what did you bring for show and tell?”
you had taken out your phone and started recording like you promised you would. you smiled as diana started her presentation.
“for show and tell, i brought something that is really special in my house. i brought my mommy’s wedding ring!”
you almost dropped your phone as soon as you heard diana. so she had your ring this whole time. still, you continue recording.
“that’s lovely, and what can you tell us about it?” the teacher asked.
“so my daddy gave it to my mommy many years ago. they gave each other rings because they love each other. but before this ring belonged to my mommy, it used to be my great-great-great-”
“just one great, honey! just one.” you said holding up your finger to signal to her.
“oh. ok, it was my great-grandmother’s ring. i never met her, but my daddy was told by her that he could only give this ring to the person he loves most in the whole world and i wasn’t born yet so he obviously gave it to my mommy. on the inside it has her name and my daddy’s name.” diana said with the biggest smile on her face.
“that’s wonderful, diana. class does anyone have questions?” the teacher directed her attention to the kids. a few hands went up. one by one, each student asked their question with diana trying her best to answer them.
“i have one.” you raised your hand and you passed your phone to lucy’s mom so she could record. “how did you get your mommy’s ring?”
diana didn’t say anything, she just started giggling and ran towards you so she could give you a hug. “i’m sorry i took your ring without asking.”
“it’s okay, baby. you just have to let me know, i was going crazy looking for my ring.” you kissed her cheek. she stuck out her hand so diana could slide the ring on. “thank you, di.”
“looks like mr. divorced man didn’t like that one but.” the two older women held in their laughter as mr. newman looked disappointed by the news that you were still happily married.
“oh shoot, i’m still recording!”
when you and diana got home, john was already home cleaning the ‘tornado’ mess that you had left that morning. diana ran up to her dad and hugged him.
“guess what our daughter took to show and tell?” you waved your hand in front of his face to show him the ring.
“at least she took this. last week i heard her she wanted to take the chili peppers to show and tell.” john laughed as he kissed diana’s temple. she then ran off to the kitchen to get her after school snack.
“like a record?” you question.
“no, the band. she was asking the guys if they were available to come to her classroom to show everyone how cool were uncles are.”
“she can take them to the next show and tell just as long as she doesn’t take anymore of my stuff.” you said as you took a seat in the neatly made couch, thanks to john.
“mr. newman was staring at mommy! and he’s mad that you guys are still married!” diana yelled as she ran to her room with fruit snacks in her hand.
“what goes on in show and tell?” john asked.
“too much.”
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callsign-blue · 1 year
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The dinner scene with Aegon, Aemond, Lucerys and Jacaerys it’s very tense, because there’s still that animosity from six years ago, obviously, but you can still see how Rhaenyra’s children have more maturity, when interacting with their uncles that puts the uncles to shame. Aegon, Aemond have this mentality to project so much hate onto their nephews solely because , for other reasons, Alicent is constantly comparing them in situation and continuously to Rhaenyra’s kids. Those emotions that she is holding in because she is queen, she can’t let these emotions rule her decision making.
I just find it very hypocritical and funny because when she’s in the room with Aegon it’s exactly how she was when she was younger with her father.
(“Think of the shame on your wife, on me. How can you keep carrying on like this,especially on a day like today?” “Why? What is it today?”*slap*)
*silence*
(Sniffles)
“You are no son of mine.”
“I did not ask for this I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to, and i try so…i try so hard, but it will never be enough for you or father.”
It’s very much full circle. Probably very much how Otto was with Alicent in the beginning and now it’s carrying over to Alicent with Aegon. And I can also see a little bit of Daemon in Aemond as much as the kind of rebellious side. I felt like he was also very hesitant to add his father into that too because it is very much all Alicent.
We actually only ever see the Viserys interact with the kids and grandkids, while in a more public setting or even with just immediate family. It was never seen as one on one with the children and so with that you can see that he is choosing to overlook certain aspects and not call attention to it unless it is any involvement with Rhaenyra or her kids. He has her on such a pedestal because she has a constant reminder of his basically true love, Aemma.(which I am referring to an episode 107 where he calls Alicent Aemma by accident in fromt of everyone. And if he could do things again, he would probably, maybe, choose her over the baby. Like how Daemon did with Laena.(Far fetched just hopeful thinking.)
“Final tribute to the health of my nephews: Jace, Luke and Joffrey. Each of them handsome, wise…hmm strong. Come lets us drain our cups to these three… Strong boys”
“I dare you to say that again.”
“Why? ‘Twas only a compliment. Do you not think yourself strong?”
The dinner was very much how last episode was. The tension between the two houses, how it was the blacks versus the greens in the sense of children children acting upon it then the adults. It’s also was very ballsy of Aemond to bring up/mention the fact that both jace and luke in sentence with the emphasis of Strong within it.
Also very much tells you how Helaena is being treated by Aegon. Luke offers to dance with her after she admits that her husband clearly doesn’t want her unless he’s drunk so he shows compassion for her and it shows a little bit about how Alicent has a little bit more sympathy towards her with a hug after her confrontation with Aegon.
Instead of action, it was words that were put to battle.The last episode “Driftmark”, 1x07, we obviously see a shift and change in Aemond. From then on did not want to be pushed around anymore. He is acting more of an air than Aegon is. I bet we will see more of Daemon like tendencies him with the following episodes to come.
I feel as though Alicent does want some peace with Rhaenyra. But if she shows that emotion or swaying of side that the people that were behind her will go behind her back. I think that she truly does not want this at all she could care less about this she would rather leave, then have all this weight of the crown, and who succeeds Viserys by rightfully heir by ceremonial decree (Rhaenyra) or by political view (Aegon the Older). She was a decision by Otto as a distraction for the Viserys. But since he’s literally falling apart and not “right of mind” , truthfully, if he was given the right medicine, he could be of mind than the Maesters they have for him there. I bet they’re just literally giving him medicine so he could be incompetent. 
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aita-blorbos · 4 months
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AITA for not believing that someone was dead and digging up their grave to prove my point?
(AU/Fanfiction post)
Okay, I know the title probably makes me sound bad, but hear me out.
For context: I (43M) have been trying for almost eight years to expose and kill the man, a person I’ll just be calling J (40M), who caused the death of my wife, B. That bastard did things to B that I can’t say here, but she’s been missing for eight years, the police think that she’s dead, and I won’t ever be convinced that J isn’t the reason she’s gone.
The problem with just putting J’s head on a pike in Central Park like the fucking animal he is was that he was a world-famous superhero, and he was a pretty goddamn powerful one. Flight, laser eyes, impenetrable skin, superstrength, all those works, and he’s backed by a massive corporation (we’ll call them V) which will cover up everything he does, which includes what he did to B. And apparently, J’s corporate creators have thrown everything they can think of at this fucker to see if their science project was a success, and none of it put a dent in J. If I was still a believer, I’d say that God is laughing His white-robed ass off at my expense.
J sounds like the kind of wanker that could never be killed by anyone, right? That’s what me along with all my friends in on the plot to take J down thought too at this point. I’d just given a contact in the CIA some incriminating evidence about V’s corruption, only to be seemingly proven wrong. V announced that J had been KIA by some bullshit rival organization with a potent nerve gas.
Nerve gas, killing J. What a bloody joke. I didn’t believe it for a second, but the others? They all were happy to accept it and move on. To them, J was dead and V was being nailed to a plank like Christ on Good Friday after their shitstorm was exposed to the public. But I still wasn’t happy. Despite what my friends and the CIA tried to tell me I didn’t believe that J was dead. V saw what was coming and gave J some bullshit fake death and now he’s living somewhere in the Caribbean or somewhere like that getting lap dances from a conga line of exotic tarts. I would have bet my left bullock on it.
The funeral was soon after, almost too soon, and it was diabolical. V threw a lot of money I didn’t think they’d have after all the allegations into this thing. A gold-plated coffin, massive service with J’s ex delivering the eulogy (judging by her face and flat acting I’m pretty sure she was forced by V) along with a fling (we can call her S, she was on J’s team too) of one my friends performing a music number in J’s memory. They even had an American flag draped over his coffin along with the flowers, like J was some great military leader and not a spoiled manchild they fed powers to out of a bottle. Over the top cock-up, if you ask me.
But I was gobsmacked during the wake to see an actual body in the casket, I was expecting it to be closed. It definitely looked like J, down to every last detail, V had him in that stupid hero uniform and everything. He looked almost like he was peacefully sleeping. I wanted to jab at his skin with a pin from my sister-in-law’s hair to see if it would go through, I would know then if it was really him because there’s no way a pin would be able to go through J, even if he was dead. My in-laws and the friend with me wouldn’t let me though, bloody cowards that they were. They just forced me to give my SIL her pin back and to go sit down with them.
I watched the whole service, watched them carry out that golden monstrosity and lower it into the ground. I even stayed after the service to watch them pour dirt into the grave. It wasn’t enough. I’d seen J’s body, but I still wasn’t sure that it was actually real. That it wasn’t fake or some kind of double. Everyone thought that me going to the funeral would give me closure, but it only did the opposite. Even going to my aunt’s house for a cuppa and seeing my dog wasn’t enough to calm my nerves.
It was after a few pints and getting proper trollied that I got the idea to go back to the city and then break into V’s tower for some answers. So the next morning I took my pistol and crowbar and got into the tower, but I guess I wasn’t careful enough and set off an alarm or maybe walked past too many cameras because their security caught me before I could even make it halfway up. I may have lost the plot a bit, I may have threatened to kill the rest of J’s team, the police found my pistol on me when they got there. They charged me with felony trespassing and, later, tacked on assault for shooting S with my rifle in an earlier incident (she has powers just like J does, give me a break) after she ID’ed me. I got five years and a pile of restraining orders.
I was out on parole after almost two years, so as soon as I got my clothes, money, and the rifle I hid I cut my ankle monitor and legged it. I was on a mission; I was going to find out what killed J, if he was even dead at all, and my friends were going to help me. It wasn’t hard to find them, they’d scattered after J was announced dead but apparently decided to have a meeting of sorts after hearing about me getting out of prison. S was there, so I ended up violating my restraining order, but what the fuck ever. We got into an argument and S threatened to drag me to the nearest police station. It turned into a sudden intervention with everyone insisting to me that J was dead and that I had to let him go. S kept vehemently insisting that he was gone, that he was never coming back. And then I got a call on my cellphone.
My first thought was that it was my SIL or maybe my aunt, so I answered, ready to have to defend myself for violating parole. It wasn’t any of them though. I knew that voice, that fucking voice. It was J, saying my name like he wasn’t sure it was me he’d reached. It was him, I swear on my dead brother’s grave that it was him. My first thought was that J called to taunt me and the first thing I asked him was what the fuck was going on. He didn’t taunt me though. J sounded… scared. I’ve never heard him sound like that, not even in any of the movies he’s starred it. That wasn’t right, J doesn’t get scared. He told me that he couldn’t think of anyone else to call, that V were pieces of shit (no kidding), that his teammates betrayed him, and that he was being held against his will out of the country and some pretty awful things were being done to him. J was calling me from a payphone and the call cut before I could get any meaningful information out of him.
I was raving at that point. S had gone quiet, but the others were trying to convince me that it must have been a prank call, with the one who went with me to the funeral pointing out to me that we saw the body. That made me remember the body, and I yelled at S when the realization hit me before running out of the room. I took some tools and got back into my car before peeling off to the cemetery J was supposedly buried in.
It was right in the middle of January in New York when this happened, so actually digging into the dirt after I’d hopped the cemetery wall and found the grave was a bitch and a half. I used a pickaxe to break apart the frozen dirt, then the shovel to scoop up the pieces and toss them aside. My friends showed up soon after, I guess they followed me. S wasn’t with them. They kept on trying to get me to stop digging and kept calling me crazy. They must have accepted that I wasn’t letting up though when I just kept digging and let me keep going, but they kept telling me that if I turned out to be wrong they were going to turn me in themselves. I just told them that it was a good thing I wasn’t wrong then.
It took me all night, but I got all the way down to the concrete box the casket was in, and I busted the seams with a sledgehammer before having one of the others who has superstrength help lift it. The others just wouldn’t shut up about how messed up this was as I used my crowbar to pry open the coffin. The body was all sunken and decayed and smelled like shit, but I just slid down J’s uniform and exposed his chest. I couldn’t help but hold my breath when I hovered my pocketknife over the body, then I sank it in.
The skin broke with little resistance. I knew right then, but I cut the chest all the way open just to prove my point. The others didn’t seem at all convinced though, so I cut off one of the body’s fingers and put it in my coat pocket and took some pictures of the cut open chest. We all left after that; the sun was rising and we didn’t want to be there when people started showing up.
After that, I found my CIA contact, R. I couldn’t just walk into her office, I was already wanted for my parole violation and apparently the security cameras at the cemetery caught my face, so I was also wanted for “desecrating the resting place of a national hero” (the media has always been V’s personal ball-ticklers). So, I got into the back of R’s car and waited. It didn’t take long for her to show up and start driving, I guess I scared her when I sat up because R almost crashed the car, then she started yelling at me and made a U-turn, telling me that she was going back to the station to turn me in. She changed her tune though when I explained the phone call from J that I got, showed her the pictures, and gave her the finger to take and run a DNA test on it. She made me get out of the car, but agreed to test the finger under the same conditions my friends gave me: if I’m wrong and the DNA is a match for J’s, I’ll spend the rest of my life in a black site.
To make a long story shorter, while we were waiting for the results to come in I had one of my friends, F, pull some contacts and trace J’s call, which we tracked back to a payphone in Russia, and S fessed up to V getting sick of cleaning up J’s messes and agreeing to sell him out to some private research company based there. Everyone on J’s team was in on it because of how he is, the only one who wouldn’t agree was blackmailed. S insisted that she didn’t know anything about J possibly being mistreated, and that she’d been told that he was going to be held in a maximum security prison for supes with experimental technology to keep him contained. That still might be true, we don’t know for sure yet. All I know is that J sounded terrified of the prospect of being caught by his captors and he described some heinous things being done to him. If J was lying and pretending that he was being treated horribly, I don’t think he’d pretend to be afraid, his head’s too inflated for that; he’d pretend to be righteous and angry about it.
It only took three days for R to get back to me with results from the DNA testing, and I put her on speakerphone with everyone except S (she had to go back to V’s tower) in the room. She confirmed my suspicions; the DNA did not match. In fact, while the DNA did match with someone in the database, it wasn’t J. It was another supe, one with shapeshifting powers. Apparently V made them take the form of J, then they killed them so that they’d have a convincing corpse to put in the casket and show the world in order to convince everyone that J had truly died.
Despite me being right though, my friends are still looking at me weird and calling me crazy, saying that I’m bonkers. I turned out to be right, I don’t think I did anything wrong, but they won’t let up. So, am I the arsehole?
TL;DR: scumbag’s corporate overlords claimed he died and held a funeral, I didn’t believe that bullocks so I broke into their tower, got thrown in prison for it, then once I was out I cut my ankle monitor — because fuck parole — and dug up his grave. Turns out I was right, but everyone else thinks I’m crazy.
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delicatekissez · 2 months
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I Bet On Losing Dogs. | EVERLARK
All three parts of my completed fic, I Bet On Losing Dogs.
Originally posted on Ao3, check it out Here.
Please lemme know what you think!! .❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 
Part One.
I bet on losing dogs I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place By the ring.
My fingers tap a nonsensical pattern on the side of the window, I’m sure I’m irritating every stuck-up doctor in this room but I don’t care, they can’t shout at or chastise the girl with the bruises around her neck. The girl who, no doubt, looks more like a thin ghost of a person than a sixteen-year-old.
“Why isn’t he waking up?” Haymitch asks. It’s still a shock to see him sober, to see his coal, Seam eyes unclouded. Sober Haymitch is sharp, and not quite as willing to mock me as drunk Haymitch is, and I’m starting to get really sick of the way his eyes keep darting to me from across the room. I don’t want his sympathy. 
“He will wake up any moment now. It’s just taking longer since we had to increase the dosage of the relaxer after his last episode,” the doctor answers, not once looking up from his clipboard, scratching at his stubble as he writes down some more medical mumbo-jumbo. 
I’m not supposed to be here, there’s no doubt that several people would freak out if they knew that Haymitch had lied about Coin authorising this visit.
But I needed to see him again, maybe because I thought that the rabid dog that had greeted me with it’s hands around my neck had just been all a bad dream, and my sunshine boy, the boy who smelt like bread and looked like summer, was going to be in here, ready to mock me for falling for this horrendous new prank. 
Got you good, didn’t I sweetheart? He would say, and he would grin at me and I would scowl at him, just like it was supposed to be.
But as I watch him through the one-sided glass, I realise just how naive a hope that was, there was no prank, there is no sunshine boy anymore. There is just this… thing. Even in his sleep, he looks different, gaunt and somehow still angry as he lies on his back, shackles tight at his sides. 
It’s been over a week since he had choked me, but the bruises are still here. And the feeling of his clammy hands squeezing the life out of me lingers on my skin. I suddenly forgot why I had requested this at all, why would I want to see that thing? This isn’t my Peeta. 
“Haymitch I think this is a—”  
My sentence is interrupted by a flurry of activity as Peeta wakes up, sitting up abruptly in the bed, his wails louder than I have ever heard them to be.
“Let me out! She’s going to kill you all!” the rabid dog screams, banging its wrists on the shackles. It’s strange, I think to myself. For something to look exactly like my beautiful Peeta, but be so utterly different.
“I think he’s talking about you sweetheart,” Haymitch quips dryly, stepping out of the way so that a doctor can open the door to calm Peeta. 
I don’t have it within me to bother with a snide remark back, my eyes fixated on how the doctor approaches him like he’s a wild horse to be tamed, her arms raised in defence as she shushes him, her crackly voice sounding through the speakers in the room.
“It’s okay Peeta, everything’s okay,” the doctor soothes, pressing a finger to Peeta’s wrist. She’s holding a syringe behind her back, just in case the rabid dog bites. 
“Nothings okay if she’s here. Katniss is going to hurt us, the Capitol sent her to hurt us!”
His voice is like venom, spitting out the words. His blue eyes are dark, unhinged. His voice, something that could spin out stories like silk — is now used only to tell everybody what he thinks of me, and I can’t stand it.
“Girl, are you okay?” Haymitch asks, and suddenly he is next to me, startling me immensely. 
I jump and step a few paces back, not unlike a wild animal myself. “He sounds the same,” I say, my voice cracking. Technically I’m supposed to still be on vocal rest but I’ve given that up. I don’t know why this is what I say, but I am startled by the fact he sounds like he always has, his usual distinctive boyish drawl which used to be reserved for joking is now used to scream obscenities about me.
Haymitch just nods, not bothering to stand any closer. He drags a shaky hand through his long dark hair, looking like he wants to say something I’m not going to like. 
“Maybe today isn’t—” “I need to talk to him,” I reiterate, my gaze unwavering on his face. Haymitch looks somewhat yellow, and I realise probably for the first time in years, he has shaved neatly and without cutting himself. 
“Just… just prepare yourself.” 
I don’t want to have to prepare myself. I want to be able to walk into a room and open my eyes and see those light, cerulean ones staring back at me. I want to be able to walk into that room and see Peeta’s easy smile, I want him to open his arms and tease me for not brushing my hair. I want him to laugh with me over how silly the clothes are and how bland the food is.
“You have five minutes, Soldier Everdeen,” the woman tells me, placing the syringe back on the table. She had managed to calm him down with her words enough so that I could see him. I don’t know whether to be grateful or not. 
“Stand three paces back, and try not to talk about anything too taxing,” the male doctor adds, finally drawing his ruddy eyes from the clipboard. 
I don’t acknowledge their instructions, but I look to Haymitch for a moment, seeing my own worry reflected in his eyes. Slowly, he gives me a nod and I let my hand grip the door, opening it and entering the room.
The lights are bright, twinged with green. It smells like antibacterial spray and mint. No wonder Peeta can’t sleep here, there’s not a single window for him to crack open. He can never sleep well if the window isn’t open.
“You,” the rabid dog spits, his dark eyes trained on me. He is oddly still, but his eyes are entirely focused on my movements. It’s all so unlike how he used to watch me, he used to look at me like I was something to be admired. Now I am watched like an enemy.
I remain silent as I walk in, suddenly self-conscious of my ill-fitting District Thirteen uniform, my knotted hair and my shallow skin. I have never felt insecure around Peeta before — his eyes used to strengthen me, but now they make me want to hide under a table.
“Can I ask you something, Mutt?” He asks, calculating and sly. 
“Only if I can do the same,” I answer, my hands are restless, and I want to badly bite my nails down to the quick, I want to do anything but stand here.
“Why would I ever be in love with a measly thing like you?” The dog asks, a brow raised at me. His curls are flat, almost mousy brown with sweat. I wonder for a moment if they are cleaning them properly, the way he likes to — by lathering the soap up and letting the conditioner soak in. 
“I don’t know — but you were,” I answer, determined not to cry, determined not to blink. This fact, I am confident in, Peeta used to love me. I wanted to close my eyes and relive the memory, but the rabid dog speaks. drawing my attention.
“I was?” he repeats, drifting off in a line of thought, his eyes turning glassy. My eyes flicker to his leg, why haven’t they removed his prosthetic? Don’t they know that he sleeps better with it off?
“Ask me your question then,” he spits out suddenly, exasperated by me already. I shift from foot to foot. 
“Do you remember… everything?” I ask, my voice trembling.
I can’t say what truly I mean here, not with the nosy doctors craning their necks as we speak. I’m beginning to think they are no better than the Capitolites, watching me and Peeta perform, their attention glued to our every move.
Peeta looks puzzled, his sceptical brows dropping as he scans my face. I blush deeply, the heat on my cheeks obvious to anyone looking, and his face softens. It only lasts a moment, less than a millisecond, but I see it, the true blue of his eyes.
“You’re talking about how we fucked on the train, aren’t you, Mutt?” An evil, cunning grin takes over his bruised face.
I wince, not from embarrassment but from the clinical way he’s talking about our nights together. Those nights that were meant only for us, nights spent desperate, afraid, and so in love.
“You are, you’re talking about how you fucked me, deep and good. And then proceeded to ignore me in the daytime. Of course I remember those, Mutt. Those are the memories they didn’t want me to forget,” he clarifies, loving the way I am frozen to my spot, a stray tear escaping from my eye. 
My throat closes, and the shame burns from within. Somewhat from my embarrassment of him saying this in front of Haymitch, but also from the fact he said it exactly how it was, that's what I did, I fucked him and then acted like it didn’t happen.  
“Thanks for your time, Soldier Mellark,” I say dryly, wiping the tears and squaring my shoulders, walking out of the room.
“Mutt! Enemy! Someone stop her before she kills us all!” 
His screams are somewhat muted once I shut the door to the room, everybody's eyes fixated on me as I lean against the door, my face emotionless. 
Haymitch approaches me, his own face long and much too serious.
I step away from the door as I watch the doctor from earlier prepare her syringe. I almost wish she would stab me instead, maybe knocking me out for a few hours would help me try and convince myself that this whole terrible interaction was just a dream.
“C’mon, let’s get you back to your room,” Haymitch says, his voice stern as he takes my shoulders, guiding me out of the doctor’s room. I’m crying, and they are silent fat tears. I hate crying, especially in front of this new severe, sober Haymitch. 
“I knew we shouldn’t have done that,” Haymitch mutters under his breath as he walks me through the long corridors, the tears won’t stop, no matter how many times I wipe them away they return, fatter and wetter than ever.
Other than the occasional sniffle, I am silent on the way back to my room. I want to scream.
I want to punch, kick and wail, and I really wish that Haymitch had some moonshine on him right now. 
It hits me all at once, the fact that he will never be the same. 
I will never see my boy with the bread again. I will never be able to tell him how much I love him. I will never be able to let him know how sorry I am for never being brave enough to tell him that before.
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 
He’s leaning over me, his arms pinned on either side of my shoulders. His eyes are closed but I want to see open them so badly.
“Peeta, what are you thinking?” I ask, my voice is quiet and I’m panting. 
Peeta chuckles and groans slightly, “I’m thinking about anything else right now, so that this doesn’t end too prematurely.” 
He exaggerates his point as he fully deepens inside of me, and my eyes pop out of my head. This is the second time we’ve done this, and I’m still not used to the way he feels as he fills me. 
I can’t help but grin as I watch Peeta’s face melt into that of pure pleasure. I lean over and kiss his forearm that rests beside me, his chest is glistening with sweat and if I could, I would lick every last drop off with my tongue. 
“Katniss oh my… Sorry sweetheart, it’s just that you’re s-so tight,” Peeta moans, dropping his forehead and resting it against my own. I laugh and kiss his sweaty cheek, the skin salty and tempting. 
“Are you hurting?” He asks, pulling away and looking into my eyes. Last night I had bled all over Peeta’s bed, meaning that we had to sneak over to my chamber half-naked in the middle of the night so we could sleep. I was selfishly glad in that moment that Avoxes couldn’t speak, because we were screwed if they could tell anyone what we were up to. 
“No, it’s okay, you can move,” I say, the burning has subsided somewhat, and I’m amazed that Peeta has been able to keep himself so still, when I can tell all he wants to do is move. 
He considers me for a moment before moving, checking my eyes to see if I’m telling the truth. The feeling of him filling me over and over again is unlike anything else I’ve ever felt, and It’s significantly better tonight. 
Peeta’s moans are low and plentiful, and I close my ears and commit these sounds to memory, mainly for when we’re back in the Victors Village, so that I can add to my repertoire of Peeta-related thoughts whenever I’m alone and touching myself.
“So good Peeta, faster,” I panted, gripping his back and trailing my manicured fingers over it. I wish I could mark him, but there would be too many questions from both of our prep teams, so I am cautious not to make a single identifiable scratch.
The pace quickens and my stomach burns, that familiar building sensation is a lot stronger than the night before, and I manage to match Peeta’s pace, crashing my hips with his, wanting to feel some friction on that little nub between my legs.
It’s perfect as we move, with just my high-pitched, involuntary moans and his grunts filling the room. And all I can think about is how I never want this to end.
I’m building up to my release when Peeta stiffens, and his body shakes, I feel that burst of heat as he fills me. 
“Fuck. Sorry Katniss,” he moans loudly as he comes, sinking on top of me and breathing in deeply. He lasted about twice the amount of time compared to the night before, and I had truly enjoyed it, so all I could do was kiss the top of his head and bury my fingers in his soft curls, whispering sweet nothings as he comes down from his high.
“That's okay baby,” I whispered, a nickname so tender that I would ever only dare to use it in moments such as these. Moments where it seem as if the world was just made up of Peeta and I. 
“My baby,” I repeat as Peeta slumps against me, softening inside of me and humming as I push his sweaty hair out of his face. 
After a few minutes, Peeta finds the strength to move over, pulling out of me as he does so. I throb slightly at the loss of him, but I turn over immediately, watching his face in the glow of the moonlight from the window beside my bed.
Outside the window was just a blur of trees as the train whizzes by, and I mourn the loss of our bliss for a moment as I remember that we were destined to be pretend lovers for the rest of our lives. 
Peeta leans on his side, looking at me as I think. The touch of his hand on my shoulder is enough to bring me away from my thoughts of President Snow, blood and the feeling of dread.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry you didn’t…” Peeta says, his voice is small and even though the room was dark, I could tell that he was blushing.
“That’s okay, I still enjoyed it,” I said, a blush of my own springing to my cheeks. How could I ever break this boy's heart? How could I ever tell him that I can’t love him?
Who knows what Snow would do to him if he knew that what I feel for Peeta is real.
So when I snuggle further into Peeta’s chest, I hear him sigh contentedly. I pretend not to hear it when he kisses the top of my head, and whispers in my ear;
“I love you, Katniss Everdeen.” 
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 
“Fine,” I say, “Send me to Two.” 
I march away from Plutarch, from everyone in this godforsaken place, because they don’t understand. I can’t be here. I can’t be in a place where the boy I love doesn’t know me, doesn’t love me back.
I’m weak. I bet on Peeta, I bet that he would be the same boy as he was in the Quell. I bet that he would return from the Capitol and take me in his arms and fuck me and love me and call me his. I’m just an idiot girl who bet on the wrong, rabid dog.
So I need to get out of here, and I need to go to District Two. 
Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down I'll be there on their side I'm losing by their side… 
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 
Part Two.
My baby, my baby You're my baby, say it to me.
Sharing a room with Johanna Mason is harder than I thought it would be. 
At least in District Two there had been the chance for some fresh air and hunting, but being back in Thirteen has been nothing but confusing.
Training with Johanna and being outside is a chance at fresh air but a hard-fought one. Plus, rooming with her is getting to be more irritating than helpful at this point.
Like now, as she lies awake, humming a tune so incessant that I can’t even think — let alone sleep.
“Do you have to do that?” I snap, finally losing my patience. 
Johanna smirks and the orange glow from the lamp that separates our beds illuminates her gaunt features. “It’s the national anthem for Panem dear Brainless, I have to show my patriotism wherever I can.”   
I growl and try to scooch down in my rickety bed, burrowing my head under the thin blanket to try and block out the sound. To my dismay, Johanna has found amusement in my reaction, and as a result she starts to sing the words of the song aloud.
“Gem of Panem, mighty city, through the ages you shine anew-w-w-w!” Johanna sings, her scratchy, off-key version of the cursed song seeps into my ears, and I snap.
“I can’t do this, I’m going for a walk,” I say, throwing the duvet off my body and slipping on my hunting boots. I must look quite the sight in my long grey nightgown and big boots, but I could care less. 
“Just don’t get caught Brainless!” Johanna calls after me as I slam our room door shut, huffing as I do so. 
My rage brought me to the end of the hallway. It was lit with the same dim orange lights that were present in our room, giving the place an creepy atmosphere.
The sounds of me stomping down the hall and the whirring of some sort of machinery in the walls were all that filled my ears, and I swore internally at District Thirteen and all of its fucking practicality. 
I march for a minute or two longer, holding my arms crossed to avoid the chill in the air. I haven’t even spared a thought about the night guards that were posted around the place, making sure the District was safe at night.
District Thirteen heavily frowns upon anyone wandering about at such an hour, so I presume that the guards are more to keep us in rather than to keep the Capitol out. 
Before I can even register what I’m doing, I find myself at the hospital ward. The shiny metal reflecting from the sign snaps me out of my grumpy stupor. 
Why have I brought myself to the hospital? I hate it here. After waking up from my sleep-syrup Morphling fever dream where I thought, idiotically, that Peeta was holding me, I haven’t been back here. I even made my mother dress my gunshot wound in my bedroom. 
But I knew why I was here, why my legs had subconsciously walked me here. Peeta.
I wrinkled my nose at the sight of the entrance doors, the antiseptic smell was overwhelming. I haven’t even seen Peeta since he’d told me that he remembered about that night with the bread, and again, called me ugly and plain.
I was still staring nonsensically at the doors to the hospital when I heard an echoey laugh. A low male one at that. Footsteps followed and quiet chatter. The night guards, I realised, and my heart immediately started racing.   
I did not need any more shit from Coin, or Haymitch or even fucking Plutarch, so as I saw the light of their flashlights I thought fast, and scurried through the hospital doors and into the ward, hiding behind the first corner I could find.
My bare arms were covered with goosebumps as I heard the voices get louder, the two men approaching where I was standing. 
“Did you see that door close?” one of them asked, his voice reflecting a familiar District Twelve twang. 
“It’s probably just Mellark again, Heavensbee told us to just leave him alone when he’s wandering about — could be dangerous.” 
My breathing is laboured as I listen, Peeta? Are they talking about Peeta wandering around the District at night?   
“Yeah, yeah, he’s probably just off to the Everdeen’s floor again, let’s leave it,” the District Twelve one affirmed, and the two men turned around, talking about something so boring I don’t even care to listen.
Everdeen’s floor? Not only is Peeta allowed out of his room at night but he… Comes up to my floor? God, what is Plutarch thinking letting him do that?
“You’re lucky they didn’t see you. Those two would sell their soul for some entertainment at night.” I freeze as I hear the voice, the familiar voice of a boy who I used to know filling the quiet of the night.
I stopped breathing as I burrowed more into my corner, trying to see in the dark where he could possibly be. 
“No point in hiding Mutt, I’ve already seen you. Now come out,” Peeta says, his voice thick and more demanding than I’ve ever known him to be. I curse myself as my cheeks break out in a hot flush. 
He’s getting better — physically at least, he sounds stronger. I haven't seen him in quite a few weeks. He’s clearly still brainwashed though, my Peeta would never demand anything of me, ever. 
Frustratingly, I find myself peering around the corner of where I am hiding, and I see him — dressed in sleep shorts and a grey District Thirteen t-shirt. He’s sitting on a hard plastic chair, and the glow of the orange cancels out the bruises on his face.
His leg is stretched out, the titanium shining. He’s leaning forward like he’d had his head in his hands before I’d come in. He looks a lot healthier, and more like my version of Peeta. How I didn’t notice him sitting there before was beyond me. 
“I won’t attack you Mutt,” he adds, leaning back, his head back on the concrete of the wall. He’s sitting outside of his room, and I wonder if he’s as cold as I am. 
Slowly I creep from my corner, standing cautiously three metres from him — as if the doctor with the clipboard was standing near us, instructing me what to do.
“I don’t sleep anymore, and apparently walking is good for me… so they turn a blind eye to my night-time adventures.” 
I shift from foot to foot, the leather of my boots is rubbing against my heel, and I’m sure I’ll have a blister by morning.
“I can’t sleep either,” I mumble, I hate how much of a pull I still feel to him, how much I still feel the urge to wrap my arms around him, tug my fingers in his cropped blonde hair.
“Dreaming of Hawthorne, no doubt,” he chides, looking up at me, those dark eyes scanning me from my oversized boots to my messy braid. I blush even more. 
“Don’t worry Mutt, I’ve still got these pretty bracelets, I couldn’t even hurt you if I wanted to.”
“Do you?” I test, “Want to hurt me?” 
He puzzles at me, and his hands are rubbing his thighs as he scans my face.
“I don’t know,” he finally says, it’s less cocky and more shy. A tone more familiar. 
I look down at the linoleum floor, I pine for him even now. The sound of him was so close to what it used to be I could almost imagine him breaking out into a toe-curling smile. 
“I keep on painting you,” he sighs and tugs a hand through his short hair. I catch the action in my peripheral and again, it’s so familiar that it hurts. 
“I paint you like you are in my dreams, evil and seducing and wanting me dead,” he elaborates, and I lift my head, only to see that his eyes are screwed shut. 
“I paint you naked, laying across the picnic blanket after that day on the rooftop,” another long sigh, “I paint you in the Games, wild and afraid.” I swallow, my throat dry and forming a lump. 
“I paint you, and I can only paint you ,” he sighs, and his eyes meet mine. I step forward, watching as his eyes widen. He reminds me of a deer in the District Twelve woods, the ones so afraid to die, not like the unbothered ones of Thirteen.  
I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m grieving. Grieving for my boy, grieving for the damaged one that sits before me now.
“W-when you go to bed tonight, take off your leg, you’ll sleep better,” I blurt out, my gaze fixated on the latches that separate his real thigh from the metal of the prosthetic. 
Peeta furrows his brows, looking down at the leg like he never even realised he could do that.
“How do I even…” he asks, and I breathe in, stepping slowly towards him. I look at his cuffs, and his wrists around them are red and inflamed. He must be digging them into his flesh on purpose. 
I’m closer than I’ve been to him for weeks, close enough that when I kneel in front of his leg I can smell his familiar scent, a scent so uniquely Peeta that it dazes me for a moment.
He looks down at me expectantly and I gesture over the latch on the left side, cautious not to touch him and push my luck.
“You just pull the latch on each side and pull it off gently. You have to do it when you’re already in bed though, because you can’t walk once it’s off,” I explain, pointing to the latches on either side of the leg. His eyes are following me, his lips slightly parted.
“How do you know this?” he asks, his hands tracing the latches gently. His voice is shy again, and he sounds younger than he is.
“I’ve done it — before. For you,” I say, blushing again as I remember the circumstances of doing this for him.  
I expect him to reply with some sort of quip, maybe a harsh comment about me being a common Seam slut, or that I was the spawn of Satan, hellbent on destroying him. 
“Thanks Kat,” he whispers, and my head snaps up. His eyes are blue, and his hand is trembling. It’s like he’s come up to the surface, and I hold my breath, watching as his eyes darken once again, and he disappears again.
We’re both quiet for a moment as I stand up, stepping back as I watch his expression change. He starts to shake, and his legs are spasming. I think he’s beginning to have an episode.
“Get. Out.” he spits suddenly, holding his head in his hands.
“Peeta—” I say, quiet and desperate. 
“Get out!” he screams, loud enough for anyone around to hear. 
I scramble back, determined to leave now. Peeta digs his wrists into the cuffs and groans. Everything in my body is telling me not to leave but I have to, he’s warning me. About himself, so I sneak one last tortured look at him and escape from the hospital ward, sneaking back to my room as fast as I can.
Thankfully Johanna is sound asleep as I slip back into the room, removing my boots and tucking myself up in bed, willing myself not to cry as I shut my eyes and think only of Peeta.  
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。
“I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever,” he says, and my stomach flips in that familiar, welcome way.
I’m blushing, and wishing that I could have the luxury of telling him that we’ll live together forever. But instead of spouting such deceiving, naive promises, I just settle on a simple; “Okay.” 
“Then you’ll allow it?” 
“I’ll allow it,” I say, and I kiss his hand, the one that’s wrapped around me. His eyes are so blue, and I take my time as I stare into them. When I’m about to die in that Arena, the last thing I want to remember is the colour of his eyes, and how a small ring of yellow wraps the blue iris’. Quite like how the sun reflects on the ocean during the sunset. 
“What?” he asks as he notices me staring, dragging a hand through my hair, the gesture is so soothing, and I don’t regret for one second for letting him mess my hair up. 
“Just thinking…” I say, adopting my best effort at a teasing tone. “About last night.” 
His pale, freckled Merchant skin bursts into a wonderful, decadent blush. I smile and settle my head further into his lap, dragging a finger from his bicep to his hand. 
The night before we had shared my bed yet again, despite the many protests from Effie about ‘etiquette’ and ‘saving ourselves’. 
It had been at dinner when Peeta had scoffed in Effie’s face, telling her that it was too late for that. I cringe as I remember how Haymitch had spat out his wine, and Effie’s jaw had practically dropped to the floor.
That had silenced Effie as I followed Peeta to my room, making sure that the door was locked before I got down on my knees, taking his length in my mouth for the first time. 
“Do you remember what I promised you?” Peeta asked, his hand moving from my hair to my cheek, bringing me back to the present, back to the rooftop. 
I nodded, remembering how he’d looked after he’d come, his shy smile and his promise of returning the favour for me.
“Maybe,” I answered, squeezing my legs together slightly as I imagined Peeta between my legs. 
I could feel Peeta hardening underneath my head — it seemed like I wasn’t the only one imagining that.
“Peeta… I don’t think we can do this up here,” I breathed out as I sat up, shifting to sit in his lap. I had no idea how little or many cameras were up in this place.
Peeta grinned and leaned forward, stealing a kiss from me. “I don’t care Kat. I’m going to be dead in a matter of days. And I want to die having been a man who has tasted you.” 
My gasp is audible, and I can’t help myself as I cup his face, pulling him towards me and kissing him with such a ferocity that I hadn’t before. I couldn’t handle him and his words. I wanted to scream that I’ll be the one to die in a few days, not him. But this was futile, and his lips tasted too good to pull away.
His hands twisted around my waist, and I extracted a low moan from him as I flicked my tongue along his bottom lip, tasting the inside of his mouth. My hands ended up in his hair, as they always did, and I tugged at the strands, wanting to hear him make those soft sounds again and again until the day I die.
His hands became bolder, skimming the hem of my top and escaping up the fabric. His big hands felt so good on my back as he explored all of my skin like it was the first time he’d done it. 
I couldn’t stop myself as I ground into his jean-covered hardness, my clit throbbing for attention as he cupped my breast, his big hand covering it over my thin bra, eliciting my own moans from my lips. 
“Peeta I w-want,” I moan embarrassingly loudly, grinding down on him once more, feeling his erection hot and heavy between my legs. 
“What do you want?” He asks as he pulls my shirt up, and I raise my arms so that the now offensive garment can be removed. I’m uncaring of the chill in the air, or of how feral I must look, half-naked and begging for more.
As Peeta pulls away, admiring me in my shabby District Twelve bra that I had chosen to wear today instead of the Capitol contraptions. I squirm under his gaze, suddenly embarrassed over how plain I must look to him. 
“No, none of that,” Peeta says, picking up my chin and forcing me to look at him, “you’re so beautiful Katniss. My imagination did not do you justice.” He’s grinning, and he leans forward to kiss my erect nipples, and I giggle from the pleasant sensation. 
“Now ask me what you want me to do to you. And I will do it.” 
I bite my lip and huff. I’m not used to asking anybody for anything, but Peeta has always made me break all of the rules that I made for myself. 
“Can you… taste me ?” I ask, mimicking what he’d said to me moments before.
Peeta practically growled as he grabbed me, whipping off my bra and his own shirt, kissing me with a newfound passion. I giggle again as he lays me gently down on my back, kissing down my neck and breasts.
“No marks remember. I do not need my prep team asking questions,” I say as he sucks on a spot that connects my neck to my shoulder. He’d discovered just how much I liked being kissed here a couple of nights ago, and he hadn’t left it alone since. 
“You’re no fun,” he huffed, pulling his lips away and focusing on my breasts, suckling and nipping at them wonderfully. He seemed to be obsessed with them, and I remember the look of pure awe he had given me when I had taken my top off for him for the first time.
I moaned and squirmed as I felt my clit throb, it was begging to be touched. I could feel just how wet I was as I pressed my legs together, hoping that Peeta would get the hint of where exactly I needed him to be.
“Shush baby, I’ll get there,” Peeta says as he looks up at me. He’s slotted perfectly between my legs and I flush at him returning the nickname I can only call him in our most intimate moments.
I whimper once more and unbutton my pants, deciding to take action some  myself. Peeta tuts disapprovingly as he pulls his lips from my chest, but he helps me peel off the pants from my legs, his hand running up the smooth, hairless legs that the prep team have insisted on me having.
I’m left in my underwear, and again it is my usual, plain District Twelve attire, and I cringe as Peeta’s finger swipes the outside of the material, where he can surely feel just how much he has affected me.
Peeta smiles in wonder as he cups my mound, making me wriggle to try and gain some much-needed friction. 
“I’ll never get used to how wet you are,” Peeta whispers, leaning down and breathing a deep, hot breath over my underwear-covered pussy.
“Peeta,” I whine, unashamed and getting more desperate as each moment passes. 
Peeta just kisses my inner thighs, the soft untouched skin is sensitive and I find it hard to keep my legs open. 
“Peeta,” I moan again, and Peeta looks up at me, his hair messy, his eyes wild.
“Ask me Katniss. Ask me what you want,” Peeta says as he kisses my inner thigh once more — and I’m so desperate I don’t even hesitate in begging.
“Please Peeta just taste me already,” I beg, and Peeta closes his eyes as I speak, soaking up my words.
I hesitate for a moment as he stops, a small beautiful smile plastered on his face. After this quiet lull, Peeta reaches for the band of my underwear and tugs them down, revealing my centre and the small thatch of hair that the prep team let me keep. 
I watch so closely that I fear that if I look away from Peeta I will wake up, and it will just be another one of my dirty dreams. But as Peeta groans, leaning down and literally breathing the scent of my sex in, I can’t help but moan and close my eyes in pleasure.
“Katniss you are truly unreal,” Peeta moans, and I don’t even have a moment to mentally debate this before his tongue is on my clit.
I moan loudly, way too loudly by anyone's standards, as Peeta attacks my clit. He suckles and licks and even bites my small bundle of nerves. I am so tightly coiled that I feel like sobbing as my orgasm builds.
I feel Peeta’s fingers swipe along my folds, gathering my wetness before entering me. He pushes them in and out of me as he sucks on my clit, and my eyes roll to the back of my head involuntarily — and my head drops down to the picnic blanket.
 I focus on the sensations acutely, on the feeling of Peeta so attentively sucking and licking me, on his little words of praise between nuzzling my sex and kissing me. The feeling of his fingers plunging in and out of me over and over again was too much for me to bear.
I’m close, and I know I am, so I moan louder, desperate to crash and achieve that relief that I have been waiting so long for.
“Cum for me Katniss,” Peeta says as he pulls himself from my clit, his fingers still unrelenting. The sound of his voice, thick and sexy is what does it, and I finally snap, coming all over Peeta Mellark's face. 
I’m instantly boneless, and my hips drop against the picnic blanket. The feeling of pure satisfaction is one I am not used to at all, and I open my eyes to see Peeta hovering over me, a small, loving smile on his face.
“T-thank you.” I manage to choke out, throwing my hands around his neck and kissing him, finding it strangely arousing that I could taste myself on his lips.
Peeta kisses me with intent, and he sinks against me, only then do I feel or notice the wet patch at the front of his jeans.
“Peeta did you…” I ask, pulling his lips from his and looking down at his hips. I was fully ready to return the favour to him. And even to an extent, I had been excited to do it again.
Peeta flushed crimson, a shade so dark I was afraid he was going to pass out.
“S-sorry it’s just you were so, and I couldn’t…” He explained, his voice timid, and I growled, kissing him passionately as I imagined him losing it over merely giving me oral.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, baby,” I whisper into his ear, my hand stroking the soft hair at the base of his neck, twirling the small curls with my finger. 
Peeta visibly relaxed, kissing me. I let him place a blanket over our mostly naked bodies. And I allowed myself the luxury of burrowing into his arms so that we could watch the sunset together.
I’m glad my back is pressed up against Peeta's chest, meaning that he can’t see my eyes tear up as I think of how little sunsets I have left, and how little time I have to spend with my sunshine boy.
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。
The Capitol is somehow colder than District Thirteen. I wrap myself tighter into my thick jacket and hope that the chill I feel will go away as I rub my hands together. 
“You don’t have to be on watch you know,” Boggs reaffirms, staring down at me with a sceptical stare, his eyes flickering from me to Peeta, who was sitting motionless across from me, staring blankly at the sky above us.
“I know,” I say, trying my best to force a smile, “But I want to. Get some rest Boggs.” 
Peeta looks over at me as I say this, his weak eyes are no longer dark, instead now replaced with an inherent sadness. This made it so I couldn’t look at him for more than a few seconds at a time without my throat closing up. 
“Okay, any issues, any of you — don’t be afraid to wake me,” Boggs repeats, both to me and Jackson, but he knows that the point is useless now, it’s so drilled into us now.
Boggs finally gives up, sighing and returning to his tent, and I watch him flop down onto his sleeping bag. I wonder who he was before all of this, has he always pictured himself as a commander? Or when he was little did he wish to be something or someone else?
Peeta is knotting and unknotting Finnick's rope, and I watch him carefully from the corner of my eye as he starts to get more and more agitated, tugging at the rope like it is a snake that needs to be strangled. He wants to say something, and I let him.
“These last couple of years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not.” 
Peeta sighs and drops the rope, looking down at it in his lap for a moment before he continues, “Back and forth. Back and forth.” 
I have no idea how to reply. I think of our interaction in the hospital ward that night, how he had come back to me for a mere moment, the blue of his eyes unclouded and the darkness disappearing. 
“I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me,” I answer honestly, and I manage to pry my eyes from my twitching hands, looking up at him, “After that I always thought of you as… an ally.” 
Ally. Ally. I curse myself for my stupidity. What an idiotic word to use. He was so much more than that to me. 
I think over Haymitch’s sentiment to me, what would Peeta do if our roles were reversed?  
I pine for the reality in which the Capitol had picked me up in the Quell. Peeta would’ve made a much better figurehead. And he would’ve stayed untouched. 
I could’ve handled whatever they would’ve thrown at me in the Capitol because I would’ve known that he was safe, that's all that would’ve mattered to me.
I think about Peeta and the way he used to have with words. I think about his tongue and how hot it used to be against my skin. Ally? Peeta would’ve never merely called me an ally. 
“Ally,” Peeta repeats, his eyes boring into mine. His hair has almost fully grown back, now thick and curly enough that I could’ve run my fingers through it. Long enough to hold onto. 
“Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbour. Hunter. Tribute. Ally.” He lists all of the words off with a nervous stammer, and even now he is still better at expressing himself than I have ever been.
“I’ll add it to the list of words I use to try and figure you out.” He picks up the rope again, his shaking hands slowly winding it into knot after knot. “The problem is, Kat, I can’t tell what’s real anymore, and what’s made up.” 
I look away from him, stealing a glance at Jackson, who I have forgotten is sitting right opposite me. She is watching the scene silently, her hands busy picking at the skin of her thumb.
“Then you should ask, Peeta. That’s what Annie does.” Finnick's voice rises from the shadows, and I freeze, having had no idea that he had been awake this entire time. 
I watch as Peeta nods, dragging a hand through his hair, trying to get it out of his eyes. I want to tuck a loose tendril behind his ear, just like I used to do. 
“Ask who?” He asks, looking over to Finnick with his sad, pale blue eyes. “Who can I trust?” 
I pang once again. A reality where Peeta doesn’t trust me is one that I’m not used to living in. Jackson eyes me and Peeta from opposite, stopping her fidgeting as she speaks up. “Well, us for starters. We’re your squad.” 
Peeta’s gaze is directed to Jackson, his eyes narrowing as the rope twists in his fingers. “You’re my guards.” he speaks with a small, unamused scoff.
“That too, but you saved a lot of lives in Thirteen. It’s not the kind of thing we forget,” Jackson replies, and her tightlipped smile is the biggest one I have ever seen from her.
I blink in wonder at Jackson, grateful to her for saying this. I had somehow forgotten this myself, how Peeta had saved me, again — even when he wasn’t even sure if I was alive or dead in Thirteen.
The group falls into a stagnant silence, the sounds of the snoring from the others and the rustling of the rope filling our ears as I fight an internal battle. All I want to do is hug Peeta, to discover if his arms wrap around me like they used to. 
I want to ask him what he remembers from those nights on the train and after. I want to know if he remembers the bliss that was our final day on that rooftop. I want, I want and I want. 
Peeta suddenly drops the rope again, his nose wrinkling with effort as he turns to me. “Your favourite colour… it’s green?” 
His voice is so small, so small and so familiar. 
“That’s right.” I can’t stop it when my gaze meets his, and I want him to remember so badly. “And yours is orange.” 
“Orange?” 
“Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset,” I say, and the memories flood in. Of him and me, sweaty and spent and laying in my bed, his hands drawing shapes in my naked skin. I flush all over and add, “at least that’s what you told me once.” 
He looks at me for a moment, his eyes flicker down, staring at my chest before looking back in my eyes again. And I know that even if it’s hazy — he's remembering exactly what I look like with no clothes on.
The tips of his ears turn pink, and he picks up the rope again, focusing on it a bit too closely. “Thank you.” 
And because I’m an idiot. And I’ve been a complete idiot this entire time — from the day that I never took the chance to thank him for the bread, to the day where I pretended to be asleep, instead of telling him how much I loved him back. 
Because of this, I cannot stop myself as I lean towards him, my voice shaky and quiet, spilling to him exactly what I’m thinking.
“You’re a painter. You’re a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. Your skin tastes like the sunset. And you always double-knot your shoelaces.” 
Peeta’s eyes widen, and I freeze. Acutely aware of the fact that Jackson, Finnick and probably Gale heard me spill out this frantic confession.
His skin tastes like the sunset?  Who have I become to even confess that aloud?
“Y-you…” Peeta begins, dropping his head to his legs, looking so tired and so confused. 
“You can’t just. You…” His voice is weak and my confidence is shattered, my eyes fill with tears and I ache to lick my wounds in private.
“Goodnight, Soldier Mellark,” I say, rising from my seat and diving into my tent, crying those silent, wet tears as I think of my baby. My boy who is so close yet so far away all at the same time. 
 Baby, my baby Tell your baby that I'm your baby
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 
Part Three.
I bet on losing dogs I always want you when I'm finally fine How you'd be over me looking in my eyes when I come.
I’ve hated being below ground for as long as I can remember. Our class trips to the mines left me nervous and sweaty, even before my father died. My time in Thirteen had been tainted by the fact that there’d been so many layers of thick concrete between me and the earth.
Now in the Capitol, where we are being forced to hide and navigate the underground tunnels like a group of disease-ridden rats. Being here in these tunnels is only driving me more and more to the brink of pure insanity. 
My only solace during this time was my hidden mantra. To kill Snow. To watch him bleed and fade away slowly and painfully. For Rue, for Thresh, for Cinna, and Darius. For Peeta. 
For how he has irrevocably and permanently changed my Peeta.
I was born to breathe the fresh air, to feel the earth on my feet. No wonder Pollux was reliving his trauma of being trapped here, I couldn’t think of anything worse. The last day has been a truly hectic one, with Boggs, poor Boggs, having his legs blown clean off. And now Mitchell — having been shoved into a deadly pod by a hijacked, rabid Peeta. 
Nobody seems to blame Peeta, and Finnick spent a good deal of time pleading his case, but I know that Peeta blames himself immensely, and as I think of this. Of how he is punishing himself, it reminds me of the old Peeta, the one who took every single death so personally. I still remember the terror on his face when I told him that Foxface was his kill. 
I’m on my night watch, and I’m now forcing myself to eat some of the canned potato and bean stew. It’s somehow both incredibly wet and oddly dry. I swallow chunk after chunk and imagine it’s anything else. Pollux is one of my main concerns. I hate watching how much the tunnels affect him, he’s been rocking himself for about five minutes now.
“Would you like to check out some stuff on the Holo with me?” I ask him, lightly tapping him on the shoulder so he will know that I’m talking to him. He opens his eyes, and the worry in them reminds me of myself. No doubt I have looked this feral several times in the past year. 
I hold out the Holo, and he takes it. He seems to know how to work it at least a little bit better than me, and I ache to be able to talk to him about this, to have him explain to me how it all functions. 
Jackson, the only other person who also probably knows how to work the Holo, is currently not speaking to me, she was clearly not happy with Boggs’ decision to leave the crazy, revenge-driven seventeen-year-old in charge of their most valued navigation system.
To Pollux’s credit, he shows me the best he can, and we discover more and more traps closer to the centre of the Capitol. It’s all so overwhelming, how big these tunnels truly are — that I give up after ten minutes of doing this. I hand Pollux the device, leaving him to his mappings, glad that it seems to provide a decent enough distraction for him.
I lean against the damp wall and survey the crew, most of these people I barely know, and most of them will not make it out of these tunnels alive. 
I can’t help it, but my eyes are drawn almost instantly to Peeta. He’s lying down on the wet floor, his head resting by my feet. I sneak a look at his raw wrists, if I could’ve let myself, I could rub them and soothe his pain. But I hold back, he doesn’t love like that anymore, and that would be inappropriate.
He looks pained, his blonde brows furrowed. He’s looking down at his wrists with concentration. A wave of concern fills me as I watch him, the ever-present need to protect him is still there, even after everything.
“Have you eaten?” I ask and watch as he snaps out of his stupor, bending his head to look at me.
He looks soft, his blue eyes sad again. And he shakes his head to indicate he hasn’t. I presume he has been punishing himself too much to even consider his hunger.
I sigh and shake my head back, indicating to him my disapproval of this. I reach for a can of chicken and rice soup. I consider it for a moment before removing the lid myself. I don’t fully trust this self-punishing Peeta not to take extreme actions with a sharp piece of metal.
I nudge him slightly with my foot and shake the can, and he sits up, his wrists still together. I watch him silently wince as they rub against the cuffs. I hand him the can and watch him practically chug it. I blame myself for not considering his hunger sooner. 
As he eats, I think about Snow again, about all of the things he has taken and all of the people I will miss. A tall, red-headed boy with a cheeky smile and a ragged Peacekeeper uniform comes to mind.
“Peeta,” I say and his gaze switches to me, putting down the empty tin on the floor.
“When you asked about what happened to Darius and Lavinia, and Boggs told you it was real, you said you thought so. Because there was nothing shiny about it… What did you mean?” 
Peeta looks at me with some shock, clearly, he hadn’t expected me to be so blunt. Or maybe he hadn’t expected me to listen so attentively to his conversation.
“Oh. I don’t know exactly how to explain it,” he tells me, bending his head back down and digging his wrist slightly into the cuff. “In the beginning, everything was just complete confusion. Now I can sort certain things out. I think there’s a pattern emerging.” 
He sighs and I know he aches to run his hands through his dishevelled curls, but as he strains his hands up in the cuffs, I can see that he knows he won’t be able to reach. 
“The memories they altered with the tracker jacker venom have this… strange quality about them. Like, like they’re too intense or the images aren’t stable.” he continues, shutting his eyes to try and picture them.
“You remember what it was like when we were stung?” he asks, opening his eyes and meeting mine. They are less sad now, and more determined. 
“Trees shattered. There were giant coloured butterflies. I feel in a pit of orange bubbles,” I laugh emptily, fidgeting with my braid. “Shiny orange bubbles.”
He laughs with me and meets my eyes again. “Right. But nothing about Darius or Lavina was like that. I don’t think they’d given me any venom yet,” he says with a shake of his head. 
I nod and consider him for a moment, and wonder if he hates me for forcing him to talk about his worst memories, “Well, that’s good isn’t it? If you can separate the two, then you can figure out what's true.” 
He shakes his head again, a coy smirk on his face, “Yes, I guess. But if I could grow wings, I could fly. Only people can’t grow wings,” he says, his dry sarcasm returning after such a long time.
“Real or not real?” he asks, and I entertain him even though I know he knows the answer.
“Real,” I say. “But people don’t need wings to survive.” 
He nods and shifts, turning to face me. He looks suddenly severe as he gazes into my face. He’s trying to solve me like a puzzle again.
“Mockingjays do.” he says, picking up the soup can and handing it to me. Our hands brush and I feel what I’ve always felt with Peeta, that little spark of excitement whenever his skin brushes against mine. 
My breath halters, and as I pick up the can I look into his eyes, the purple rings from lack of sleep remind me that he should be resting. “There’s still time, you should sleep.” 
He doesn’t agree, or argue but lies back down slowly. He’s closer to my feet now, and I want to be able to lie down with him. For him to wrap those arms around me and tell me that it’s all okay. That everything’s going to be okay.
As I watch him watch me, I suddenly can’t help myself, and I reach down slowly. Moving so gently, treating him like that wild, skittish animal again. I press my cold hand to his forehead,  gently brushing back the stray curls that have fallen over his face. He freezes, closing his eyes for a moment and I stop my hand for a moment.
But he opens his eyes again, and they are unclouded and as blue as ever. I start to breathe easily again and move my hand gently. The endearment of the baby rests just behind my lips, and I watch as Peeta’s cheeks flush. 
In a moment of pure weakness, my fingers brush from his forehead to his cheek, feeling his still soft skin that is tainted by some blonde stubble, and I smile as my fingers find his lips. I press my finger to the contours of his bottom lip, and he kisses my finger lightly.
As I pull away, my stomach flips and that wonderful feeling of fire igniting returns for the first time in forever. He opens his eyes and questions me.
“You’re still trying to protect me. Real or not real?” 
“Real,” I say instantly, pausing before I finally say exactly what I’m thinking for once. 
“Because that's what you and I do. Protect one another.” 
He nods and closes his eyes, and I sit back, pressing the finger he’d kissed to my lips, placing my kiss in its place. 
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。
As I look out into the blue of the water that laps around the Cornucopia, and I think of my lake in District Twelve. 
The lake was the closest thing I ever got to a beach like this. The grainy sand in the Arena is no match for the soft mossy banks and mud that line my lake in Twelve. As I look into what seems like endless miles of water, I think of how my lake could probably fit about ten times into the ocean that surrounds the Cornucopia. 
I look to my right, studying Peeta’s profile for a long moment. He’s attentively watching the jungle behind us, and I know I should be watching the water ahead just in case any Careers intend to make their move, but I can’t bring myself to tear away my gaze from his face. 
He’s sunburnt, and the few freckles that he has have sprung to life, tracing his jawline like delicate kisses from the sun. I know that on the other side of his face, there are the faint remains of the blisters from the gas, but as I look at him from this angle, I can just imagine that this is what he looks like after a sunny day at the lake.
We’ve never spoken about what we’ve done together. How we’ve made love on the train, in our rooms at the training centre and on the rooftop. But now I ache to be able to talk freely about it, to know what he thinks about it, and if he can feel those same sparks that I do.
Our hips are pressed against each other, the damp sticky suits we are wearing rub together and just the feeling of this familiar pressure of his body on mine soothes me.
As I watch Peeta, a small smile appears on his face, and he turns to me, his eyes squinting slightly due to the low sun that frames the sky of the Arena. For once, I don’t tear my gaze away from him, instead, I mirror his shy smile with my own. 
He looks pleased with this, and the sight is so warming that I can’t help myself as I lean my head on his shoulder, indulgently breathing in the salty scent of his skin. 
Even though the Arena is the last place I will ever be alive, I can’t entirely hate it. The presence of the Capitol and all of the cameras allows me to touch Peeta freely. There is a certain amount of freedom in kissing and accepting Peeta’s kisses. And this time around, it doesn’t feel so fake. 
As Peeta grasps my hands, intertwining his fingers with mine, I sigh into his shoulder, gently kissing the skin that the wetsuit doesn’t cover. He shivers slightly, and I close my eyes and think of what he looks like when he comes, the way his eyes roll back, the way his mouth parts slowly. 
I feel my core throb at these thoughts, feeling so suddenly ashamed of thinking of such things when I’m on the verge of death. When my only thoughts should be on protecting Peeta, not making love to him.
“Katniss,” Peeta whispers softly, his voice thick and deep. It reminds me immediately of how he sounds at night, how he sounds when his head is between my thighs.
“It’s no use pretending we don’t know what the other one is trying to do.” I tense, and breathe out slowly, raising my head to look up at him. His hair has gone spectacularly blonde in the sun, his curls slightly sweaty with perspiration. I sigh and think of the cameras. Oh, how I wish for even a moment alone with Peeta without the blasted cameras. And I just know that this will be a scene that the entirety of Panem will be tuned into.
I look desperately into Peeta's eyes, and he continues, “I don’t know what kind of deal you think you’ve made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well.” 
I know this, and he knows I know this, and I curse Haymitch and pray that he keeps my promise. Because I am ready to die so that Peeta can live. I have prepared myself for this inevitably.
He sighs, and drags his free hand through those sun-bleached curls, “So, I think we can assume he was lying to one of us.” 
“Why are you saying this now?” I ask him, and I grip his hand tighter, worried that he’s going to let it go.
“Because I don’t want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die and I live, there’s no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You’re my whole life,” he says, sealing these words with another kiss atop my head, and my heart pangs as I try and remember every detail of his face. 
“I would never be happy again,” he finalises as he pulls his lips from my head. “It’s different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn’t be hard. But there are other people who’d make your life worth living.” 
I open my mouth to protest as Peeta lets go of my hand, reaching to take his necklace, his gold token from his neck. I let my mouth close as I watched him hold out the necklace, his thumb stroking the Mockingjay symbol engraved on the gold. I think he’s reminding me of my duty to the people of Panem, and I want to sneer.
But I see just how wrong I was as his thumb finds a small latch, and he pops open the necklace, I feel like an idiot before for not knowing that it was a locket.
He places the locket carefully in my hands and my thumbs graze the pictures. On one side is my mother and Prim, a rare photo that I captured one day on my father's old camera. And on the other Gale, my pretend cousin. The picture is also one I took, and Gale is smiling softly.
My chest constricts, and I blame myself for thinking that Peeta would ever go along with my plan, for thinking that Peeta. Kind, generous, loving Peeta, would never not sacrifice himself for one second.
“Your family needs you, Katniss,” Peeta says, and the small mournful smile on his face is what makes me tear up. 
He taps the photo of Gale one last time, and I know exactly what he is trying to say. Pick Gale, marry Gale. He can be your family, your future one day. I imagine my life, sharing my life with Gale and all of his fury, but it doesn’t feel right. 
“No one really needs me,” Peeta says, and there is no self-pity in his voice. No indication of any bitterness, and I know that Peeta means this — which is what makes it hurt all the more.
I try to imagine my life without Peeta, without him a couple of houses down from mine. I try to picture returning home without him. I imagine living in Victor's Village without him. 
A life without Peeta is one without laughter, without cheese buns and paintings. Without safety and solace. 
Nobody else knows me as well as he does, I realise. 
I watch him as he watches me, how could he think like this? How dare he think that nobody needs him? I need him. I need his arms and his kisses and everything else. I need him to make fun of Haymitch with me. I need him to give my little sister flowers he’s picked from his garden. I need his bread, and his warmth, and his kindness. 
I realise how broken I will be if I live without Peeta, and I need him to know this.
“I do,” I say with a sudden seriousness, “I need you.” 
Peeta sighs and looks down at the sand, his eyes are welling with tears and I reach out and brush a curl from his face. 
“I need you Peeta, more than you could ever know. And I’m sorry I’ve never said that before,” I add, unable to keep myself from doing so. He needs to know before he does something ridiculous like sacrificing himself for me.
The look in his eyes is unlike anything I’ve seen before as he looks up at me. The blue of them has darkened slightly, and as my hand cups his check, he raises his own hand and places it over mine, sighing as he closes his eyes and leans against my touch. 
“I love you Katniss. Please let me do this,” he begs, opening his eyes. Love. That's what I see tucked away in his blue iris’.
I have no idea how to reply, I wish that I could express myself as easily as Peeta does, but all I can do is just lean forward and capture my lips with his. I want to show him with my kiss how much I truly care for him. 
In last year's Games, the kisses I gave Peeta had been shy and close-mouthed, merely just a duty I was fulfilling to survive. But now, as Peeta sighs against my lips, and his big hands find their way into my hair, undoing my braid to allow my dark hair to cascade down my back, I know that this is different.
Some part of me knows that my mother and Prim must be watching and that I have to rein myself in. But another part of me wants this, I’ve missed our nights together, tangled up between Capitol bedsheets.
I deepen the kiss almost instantly, my tongue winding around Peetas with practice and precision. He groans softly against my lips, and I can’t stop my hands from tugging at his hair, the curls are still so delightfully soft. 
I try to compare the way I feel with Peeta with anything else, but I fall short. Nobody has made me feel this way before, no kiss has ever compared. Gale’s kiss in the woods was short, but nothing compared to Peeta’s. He had demanded a kiss from me, whereas Peeta always allowed me to take the lead, and I always showed him with my tongue where exactly I wanted him to be.
“Katniss,” Peeta groans against my lips, and I pull away, just enough so that I can rest my forehead on his. I’m shamefully wet, and the familiar throb of arousal has reared its unwelcome head again.
I gasp as his hands skim my sides, running his fingers up and down the sensitive skin. I can see out of the corner of my eye that he’s hard, and I’m glad that he’s positioned himself so that I’m the only one who can see.
“If we were alone, I would take you in my mouth,” I whisper in his ear, quiet enough that nobody, including those fucking cameras, can hear me.
“Kat…” Peeta sighs, and I watch him twitch under the thin fabric of his wetsuit.
“I wouldn’t let you come though, you could only do that once you're inside me,” I continue, the cloud of arousal is making me dizzy. This is crazy, what I’m doing is insane.
“Katniss you’re going to kill me,” Peeta whines as I lick the shell of his ear, unable to stop myself. 
“You make me so hard Katniss,” Peeta whispers back, his hands gripping my waist possessively as I pull my mouth away from his ear. I grin and kiss his lips innocently, my hands thrown around his neck.
We spend some more time kissing, and Peeta's hands keep roaming across my back. We both ache for him to be able to grasp my breasts. I moan as I push my hard nipples into his chest. I��ve somehow ended up in his lap, my hands back in his hair as he kisses me. 
Without warning, the crack of the lightning storm stops our wandering hands. We both jump as we watch the bolt hit the tree, and I jerk out of Peeta's lap suddenly. He shifts uncomfortably in the sand as he tries to hide his erection, and I am thankful that my own hunger is not as visible as Peeta's.
The lightning wakes Finnick up from his fitful sleep, and he jolts awake with a sharp gasp. Peeta slowly removes his hands from me as Finnick gets up and approaches us.
“I can’t sleep anymore,” he says, his nose scrunched as he watches the water. “One of you should rest.” 
My hands are still gripping Peeta’s neck, and Finnick notices this with a small victorious grin. “Or both of you. I can watch alone.” 
I wish for the luxury of being able to sleep in Peeta’s arms, but I know that he will not accept this. “It’s too dangerous,” Peeta insists, and I let go of him, snapping out of the dreamlike state the arousal has taken me to. 
“I’m not tired. You lie down Katniss,” Peeta says, sitting up stiffly on his prosthetic and grabbing my hand, leading me over to the area where the others are sleeping. 
He has the locket in his hand and he wraps it around my neck, patting it down with a determined look. A look that tells me that he hasn’t changed his mind.
I sit down on the makeshift bed and watch as Peeta hovers over me, planting a kiss on my hair and placing a hand on my stomach. I remember then that I’m supposed to be pregnant, and I try to make my face react as he does this.
“You’re going to make a great mother, you know,” he says and he kisses me. I watch him walk back over and sit with Finnick. And I allow myself to dream of a place where there are no Games, where I can tell Peeta that I love him. 
A place where his baby can grow and love and learn without fear.
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。
The crowds cheer. The sounds of their screaming remind me of being in a fire chariot, of grasping onto Peeta’s hand and holding on for dear life. However, the crowds don’t cheer for me anymore, they cheer for my bow. They cheer for Snow’s death.
I’m numb as I walk the path, my Mockingjay outfit is loose on my skinny frame. My body is woefully out of practice. Prim has been dead for weeks, and I feel like a part of me has died alongside her.
I reach the mark on the ground that indicates where I am supposed to stand, and I receive another cheer as I reach into my quiver and retrieve the single arrow that rests there.
My grip on the arrow loosens as they bring out the former President Snow, and the voices shriek and wail as he’s tied to a post. His frail, old body is manoeuvred roughly by the guards, and I stand and observe him for a moment. How could a man so small cause so much pain and suffering?
He’s a mere ten yards away from me, and Coin speaks on the platform above, her hair is shiny, and her uniform is pressed neatly. I feel ill as I reminisce on Snow’s words to me earlier.
“Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen. I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other.” 
Bile rises in my throat as I secure the arrow. I’ve done this exact motion so many times that my arms are carried by pure muscle memory. My eyes are sharp as I stare defiantly into the President's eyes, the dried blood around his mouth frames his smirking lips. He knows. 
He always knows, and I have no idea how exactly he knows what I plan to do. I think of my mission ever since I lost Peeta in the Quell. Kill Snow, take back the pain. 
As I stretch the bow, I feel the skin grafts from my burns stretch unnaturally on my shoulders, the permanent reminders of the fire that took away Prim. That turned me into this Fire Mutt. 
Snow laughs, and I wish I could hear it, but the cheers and excited roars of the crowd overpower it. 
I stretch further and shift my arrow upwards, to the direct path to President Coin’s heart, and I release the string. I blink and the arrow is lodged into her skin, and she collapses from the platform, lifeless and dead. 
I breathe out for the first time in seventeen years.
Snow’s laughter reaches my ears then, it’s loud and crackly and I stand stunned as spurts of blood escape his mouth. The crowds stream into the area, blocking the bloody President from my view and leaving me with the harsh reality of what I’ve just done. 
I breathe shakily and mentally check off step one of my plan. Grey uniformed guards approach me and I think of what's to come. Trials and executions, the sight of my mother, alone without me or Prim. 
I see the guards getting closer and I drop my bow, determined to make the second part of my plan come to fruition. 
“Good night,” I whisper into the screams, and I suddenly wish that there was someone around to hear me.
I raise my left arm, determined to rip that little pill of death from my sleeve. I won’t even know I’m gone before it passes my lips. I won’t know any more pain or love or loss. Only nothing. As my mouth travels to the pill I am startled to find that my teeth sink into soft flesh. I throw my head back and my eyes meet blue. So impossibly blue. 
Peeta looks betrayed, and his hand, which is bloody from my mark — is firmly positioned over the night lock pill. Unmoving.
“Let me go!” I snarl, attempting to wrestle from out of his grasp, but Peeta is strong. He always has been, and not just physically. 
“I can’t,” he says desperately, securing his fingers even tighter against me. I thrash and scream until the guards come over and take me away. 
Peeta and I watch as the little violet pill flies free from my pocket, getting crushed underneath the boot of one of the grey guards. I’m suddenly quiet as I watch the powder dissipate, and watch the relief fill Peeta's eyes. 
I can’t. 
It rings over and over again in my ears. I never even considered Peeta. He surely would’ve been better off without me. He doesn’t need me anymore. He doesn’t love me as he once did.
As I thrash and kick and bite I realise I am being sedated by a large needle. As the world fades to black I am overcome with memories of blue eyes and dead children. Of fire and my little sister’s last word.
Katniss…
………
“Katniss?” 
I’m awake. Drenched in sweat and kicking off cotton bedsheets.
“Katniss, it was just a nightmare, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Peeta soothes, and his arms are around me again, his fingers smoothing my drenched brow. We’re in our bed, and once I realise this I calm down. I stop thrashing and I stop biting.
“S-sorry,” I say, my throat is scratchy from screaming. Peeta shushes my apologies, and I lean against his chest, revelling in the bare skin that meets my cheek. He’s only just allowed himself to sleep shirtless, and every time I remember it my cheeks heat wonderfully.
“Which one was it?” He asks, his hands curl around my sides, his thumb running over the burn on my arm.
“Coin’s assassination,” I answer, shuddering as I remember my dream of reliving that cursed day. The day when I finally ended the Hunger Games. It has been over four years since that day yet it is still as fresh in my memory as ever. 
Peeta kisses the top of my head and hums in response. My heart is still thumping, I can practically feel the taste of his blood on my tongue from where I bit him that day.
I grasp his hand and hold it in front of me. Peeta’s hands are so much bigger than mine, his long fingers are now used to hold mine. He lets me skim the callouses from years of baking. He lets me trace the burns that roughen his skin.
“I never thanked you,” I whisper, kissing his fingers one by one. “For saving me that day.”
Peeta’s hand stills, and he turns, his eyes meeting mine.
“That’s what we do, Kat. We protect each other,” he answers, leaning forward and capturing his lips with mine.
Our comfort within each other had been hard fought. After that day, the one that repeats in my dreams and haunts my sleep. I was shipped to District Twelve and left to rot. And that I did, for months I rotted as Greasy Sae watched over me, and then one day Peeta was there.
Peeta had come back and had planted a garden.
I didn’t know what to say to him for weeks, but I let Greasy Sae brush and untangle my hair. Let her cut my feral nails and bathe me. 
Every morning Peeta would arrive with bread, and every morning I would stare at him, until one morning I spoke, and once I did, I never wanted to stop.
Years later we still have nightmares. Peeta’s episodes are few and far between, and I try my best not to lose myself in the madness.
One day, a simple normal day; we were sitting in the back room of the rebuilt bakery, and I looked at Peeta, and I knew. The boy who tasted like sunsets and looked like home had never disappeared, he had always been there, and he had always loved me.
So I kissed him. Deep and long. 
The next night when we had tentatively made love for the first time since before the Quell, he asked. “You love me. Real or not real?” 
I didn’t even hesitate as I answered, “Real.”
Now, as we lie together in our bed, in our house. I relish the fact that he can hold me on nights like these. 
“I couldn’t let you die that day, not after everything,” Peeta continued once our lips pulled apart.
I leaned my forehead on his and inhaled deeply, somehow expecting to smell blood or roses or the smoke from the fire. Instead, I smelt cinnamon and dill, and the sunset. 
“Thank you.” 
I kiss Peeta once again, and my fingers wind around the back of his head and into his curls. I know him inside and out. I know that he’s going to groan and buck his hips as I kiss down his neck. I know that he’s going to come in my mouth when he grips my hair and rolls his eyes back.
I know that every night, without fail — he will let me take his prosthesis off, he will let me undo the latches and kiss the stump left behind. I know that the first thing he will do when he wakes up is kiss me. 
Most importantly, I know that when he’s ready, and when he asks me to be his wife. When he asks me to toast with him, I know I will say yes.
Because I was wrong, I didn’t bet on the wrong dog. I bet on the man who will love me and plant me a garden when I’m upset. 
I bet on Peeta Mellark, the boy with the scars that match mine but a smile that dazzles me every single time I look at it.
I bet on the love of my life.
I'll be there on their side I'm losing by their side.. Will you let me, baby, lose On losing dogs…
.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。.❀。
Please lemme know if you liked this!
Feel free to drop me a message, prompt, request here at any time. And check out my Ao3 (under @/delicatekisses)
Xoxo.
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azilver · 1 year
Text
I’ve had this Groundhog Day ish idea for a while....
When Jason is dropped into the caves and wakes up on his own he starts by looking around what is obviously some ancient room. He finds a stone carving of a lion and then finds a statue like the others but its a woman and he realises the lion is broken off from the statue. he puts it back and like tips his cap “mam”. he dies soon after (like Merwin makes too much noise and draws the creature) only to wake up from the impact of the fall again and he’s back where he started. he’s a logical guy so remembers what happened before and immediately looks for the statue. when he doesn’t find it he makes up some excuse and carries on...
but things are really similar so he gets Nicky to hush Merwin, it works and they survive. He's getting suspicious and this time when he dies and wakes again he knows something's off.
Rinse and repeat
Jason is quick to learn what changes to make and realises each time he survives longer its with Salim. He also learns the things he can't change – Clarice never listens to him and he can't get to her in time – and notices things he didn't before – the rope holding Rachel was cut....
at one point he loses it on Eric and Nicky after a round where he loses Salim and they're both being territorial idiots over Rachel when, seriously? We are being hunted by freakn monsters!
“no fuckn respect, Sir, but yeah Nicky and Rach are screwin' and we got more important things to worry about than yer insecurities. You blamed her for ya leg, she didn't take it, tough shit. Figure it out once we're topside.
“and don't you start Nicky, not sure who I’m more pissed at between you and her right now! She's ya fuckn superior, man. Are ya lookin' ta be court marshalled? Or worse, killed by one of these ugly son's of bitches stalking' us?
“Get yer shit together, both of you. I've already lost 2 of my men to this hell hole, I don't plan on adding to the list 'cause neither of you can think past your dicks.”
the most successful loops have Salim and Jason alone together, they even make it to the alien ship a few times.
Eventually they are separated from the others again and Salim confronts him about knowing what to do and where to go. Jason breaks after so many round of death and rebirth, spilling his guts about it all, how he thought the worst thing was reliving the checkpoint fuck up over and over again in his head but its nothing compared to dying again and again, remembering the pain, watching his team die, watching Salim die over and over.
Salim isn't sure what to make of it but he accepts it when Jason tells him things about Zain that Salim had let slip in past loops. He promises to help break the loop, to help Jason see daylight again. He tries to theorise what’s going on, the aliens seem like the best bet.
More loops but it gets easier and he knows what to say/do to convince Salim each time.
He gives up when they do get to the surface, survive the eclipse and he doesn't even die this time when he is hitting the ground inside the temple again. A few loops of letting the demons kill him, maybe getting Dar to do it but then his inaction gets Salim killed. Next loop he tries again.
He's lost count of how many times he's run this maze but he knows there has to be a way out, he won't give up. And Jason knows what he feels for Salim, what he wishes he could have out of this hell. But how? Every time he says goodbye to Salim he has the air punched out of him as he lands on the hard ground back in the temple.
He goes for it at the end of a loop, calls out as Salim leaves, pushes him against a wall and kisses him. Salim kisses him back. The loop lasts until they say goodbye, again.
There's a connection, there has to be. This time he kisses Salim and gives him his cap with his contact info scrawled in the rim before he leaves.
He watches Salim leave....
they're picked up by a chopper....
the interrogation slash quarantine is exhausting....
he's shipped state side and given options to think over....
he's woken this time by the phone ringing and a soft “Jason?”
And its all Inanna, goddess of love and war fyi
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luis-block · 1 year
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So how's about heket with a frog reader that is a excellent chef that is very jolly.
This is so cute! I think I got the jolly/sweet personality right?
Warnings: None! (Too much fluff actually)
Heket with a Jolly chef Frog!Reader
As the day winds down into evening, your favorite time the day is almost here. And what is your favorite time of day, you ask? Well, dinner of course! As the chief for the section of the Old Faith that lived in the woods of Anura, you loved to cook big meals that always used the freshest ingredients. Cooking has been your lifelong passion, and you have never had a negative review of your food. As you finish the meal with the help of your sous-chefs, fellow followers eagerly line up to get their portions for dinner.
You smile when they start coming through the line, talking and making inside jokes as you see familiar faces. Everyone thanks you, as your food is a blessing after the last chef. You laugh as you have a quick glass of water. Being a frog, the heat from the cooking fires sometimes gets to you. But it’s nothing you haven’t dealt with before! Besides, after the line winds down and the cooking area clears out, you always have a special guest that you serve separately.
“Hey boss?” one of your sous-chefs asks with a curious look.. “Who is your secret guest that comes every night after we are done?”. “Well honey, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore!” You laugh out with a smile. The sous-chef looked to the woods around the cooking area, then looked back to you with a hushed tone as he moved closer to you. “It isn’t someone who shouldn’t be here, right?? I just don’t want you to get in trouble with our mutual lord, s-she can be really vicious when she’s mad…” he whispers nervously.
Your smile widens as you give him a side hug. “I promise I won’t get in trouble for this guest, Trelion! They have been given the honor of eating our following leftovers, so they don’t go to waste. Everything is good but thank you for worrying about me.” You say with goodwill.
Trelion still looks like he doesn’t buy that answer but doesn’t question you more and grabs his dinner to eat with his friends. As he is out of earshot, a sigh comes from the woods as Heket appears. “So many questions from that little dog, is he always like that?” She says as she takes a seat in the grass by the cooking fires. “Not usually, he was just worried that I would get in trouble from my ‘special guest’ that I always have for dinner.” You giggle as you grab your portion of dinner.
“Hmm, how thoughtful. But I suppose I can’t be mad when I am the one who is the guest.” Heket though out load, grabbing her proportionately size portion set out for her. “You bet, Honeysuckle! I would be so sad to have no one to eat dinner with you know. My heart would just break in half.” You say sweetly as you climb up on to her lap and bring yourself closer to her. “So, how was your day, My love?” You say, looking up at her with lovestruck eyes and a blush as she smiles back at you.
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peakyimagines1919 · 2 years
Text
You Knew What You Were Getting Into
Chapter four- I Can’t Forgive You
Tumblr media
(GIF not mine)
Back in the betting shop you sat around the table with the rest of the family, a very obvious tension around the room as you took a seat next to Polly, opposite Tommy. For the first time he actually looked uncomfortable, he knew he’d done wrong. He knew he’d hurt you in a way he couldn’t make up for.
The pain you were feeling was insane, the betrayal. You’d rather have your eyes taken by his cap that was still sitting on his head. You could hardly look at the man without seeing her with him.
Tommy cleared his throat and stood up offering people glasses of whiskey, Ada refused, the rest of you couldn’t grab a glass quick enough. He sat back down moving his glass around in his hand before speaking up,
“I’ll go first. I think I have a lot of explaining to do.”
He looked at you as he took a mouthful of whiskey,
“Y/N. There isn’t anything I can say to make this better.”
You bit your lip. You wanted to tear into him, but you stayed seated. The better person. You let him speak.
“What I did to you as a husband is unforgivable, I know that. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He sighed,
“I lost sight of what makes me a better person, one too many drinks, a really bad day and she was there.”
That hurt you. You were always there for him, you’d do anything for him. When he woke up in sweat after terrible dreams, you would sit up with him, rock him back to sleep like a child, he showed a vulnerable side to you that he showed to no one else, to hear he’d had a bad day and she was there was a kick in the teeth.
“You’re my wife, Y/N. And I’m sorry I’ve wronged you.”
“How dare you.”
You shook your head taking your own gulp from your glass. The tension around the table was ridiculous. The rest of them didn’t know why they had to sit in on this. It seemed like a private affair they shouldn’t have been listening in on.
John cleared his throat and spoke up,
“Look, Tommy, I really think we should leave you two to talk this out together.”
You regained your cool and patted your skirt down,
“No. It’s okay John. This is a family meeting after all.”
You glared at Tommy. It was his idea to have everyone here. Part of you wondered if that was so he had a layer of protection. Something to stop you screaming at him, but he wouldn’t be so lucky. You’d had enough.
“You think you can just swan back in and claim me as yours again? Just because you saved me from some warehouse that was also your fault.”
You slapped your hands on the table, standing up. Nearly knocking your chair back onto the floor,
“You are not a good man Tommy. I know you. I see though you. You use everyone, everyone that fucking loves you. You use us all for your benefit even if that means one of us getting hurt.”
Everyone was staring at you. Polly seemed somewhat impressed, little Y/N sticking up for herself for once. You dealt with Tommy and his wrongdoings, you stayed a faithful wife through everything. You’d never hurt him in the way he hurt you. After everything. Everything you’d been through together, sleeping with Grace  really was the final straw and he was staring to realise that. You couldn’t forgive  him for that. It wasn’t something you could ever forget.  Not with her still working in the Garrison, not with him still going there. For all you knew, they were still at it. He liked having someone to go home to, a silly wife that would dote on his every need. Wash his clothes, make him food, be there for intimacy whenever he wanted, be his fucking secretary, nurse his wounds. He liked having someone there for him. Someone that was stupid enough to never leave.
“You push everyone away Tommy,”
You sat back on your seat, calming down. The last thing you wanted to do was show yourself up, though you thought that may have already been done.
“You carry on like this And you’re going to die alone.”
You looked at your own pocket watch Tommy had given you on your wedding night clicking it open looking at the time.
“I have to go. Business calls.”
Tommy reached out over the table,
“Y/N, please. Don’t go.”
You stood up avoiding his gaze, If you looked at him now, your walls would falter, you’d run back into his arms and forgive him for everything. His crystal blue eyes had a way over you, especially when they were sad. You pulled your coat over you, making sure to untuck your hair.
“Y/N.”
Tommy stood up as everyone else watched uncomfortably. You were sure Arthur and John thought you were being cruel. Seeing their brother grovel and beg for forgiveness was surely painful for them.
“See you later, everyone.”
You smiled as much as you could, your glazed over eyes telling a different story as you stepped out of the betting shop, into the Birmingham fog, a tug on your arm forcing you to stay put.
“Please, Y/N. Don’t go. We can fix this, please.”
Your eyes weren’t the only ones glazed over. Thomas Shelby was crying, out in the open too.
“Please. Don’t leave me. I love you.”
You picked your hand up and placed it on his cheek, wiping away his tears. You hated seeing him so sad.
“I love you, Tommy, but I can’t forgive you for this. I’m sorry.”
You pulled away gently from his grip and he let go. He watched you walk into the fog a dread in his heart, wondering if he’d ever see you again. He thought his heart was already broken beforehand, this proved he was wrong. Now it truly was and it was all his fault. A moment of madness left him with a lifetime of sorrow as the only person he truly loved walked away.
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night-heron-writes · 1 year
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Buddy Daddies Episode 10
~*~WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BUDDY DADDIES EPISODE 10~*~
Okay so first things first. Ouch. Damn was Episode 10 angsty. Also Misaki looks unsettlingly like me? I don’t quite know how to feel about that 😂
Poor Miss Anna is not musically talented in the slightest, and all the kids are roasting her for it. Miri’s singing voice is really nice for a toddler, which makes sense since Misaki apparently taught her to sing, and Misaki is a really good singer.
So, Misaki’s back. We all knew that from the PV. She’s got a new haircut, new clothes, and seems to have gone sober. Good for her. However, the daycare is an interesting spot for her to show up at. How would she know where Miri goes to daycare?
The timing of her return is also suspicious to me. Just in the last couple episodes we learned that the organization is after Miri and Kazuki. I suspect Kyutaro is behind her reappearance, since this is the least violent way to resolve things. Not much of a resolution, but hey, we still have three episodes left.
Rei being the one to pull Kazuki back from a fight is interesting. He usually doesn’t get involved in whatever Kazuki decides to do, and he used to not care about making a scene in front of the daycare moms. Character growth!
Somebody else here on tumblr identified a piece of music as “Kazuki’s Theme” (I can’t remember your name, sorry! If you’re the person/know the person who did, please tell me in the tags so I can credit properly!). “Kazuki’s Theme” starts playing once they’re back in Rei’s apartment and Miri is playing with Misaki. It’s a very melancholy theme, the same one that played during Kazuki’s conversation in episode 7 with Karin. It often pops up when he believes he doesn’t deserve happiness.
Misaki dodging singing for Miri is interesting, especially given that we know she used to sing for/around Miri all the time. Rei also seems somewhat suspicious.
Oh so Misaki has cancer? Not what I expected. But if she has throat cancer, why is she still smoking cigarettes? Old habits and addictions are hard to break, but this is almost downright self-destructive. I’m also noticing the connection between Rei quitting smoking for Miri’s health, and Misaki being unable to do so even though continuing to smoke puts her life at risk.
Misaki having cancer also adds an interesting, rather macabre dimension to her theme being an instrumental version of “Don’t Say Goodbye”. She’s dying, at least potentially, and is trying desperately to cling to life, to not have to say goodbye. If you listen closely to her dialogue, you’ll also notice that her voice sounds strained, which adds an excellent dimension of realism.
How does she know that Rei and Kazuki are involved in “dangerous business”? I’m suspecting Kyutaro even more now, since Kazuki gave nothing away about his profession in Episode 3.
So it was Kyutaro who called in Misaki! I knew it! It’s also really the only choice he could make where nobody dies. His language in this episode is really harsh compared to previous episodes, and I’m willing to bet it’s because he’s feeling more than a little guilty.
Their final family outing is so sweet and so painful at the same time. Rei and Kazuki are trying to give Miri one last good experience with them before they have to say goodbye. The most painful part, at least to me, was that right when Miri says she wishes Misaki could’ve eaten with them, the theme I’ve nicknamed “Miri’s Family” starts playing—but it’s the piano rendition used when things are serious or sad. The music this episode straight up broke my heart worse than the episode itself.
The Ferris Wheel ride is eerily silent for a while. There’s not any background music, which is often more telling than whatever music might play. Other fans have compared the Ferris Wheel ride to the family’s journey together, and it’s certainly a good comparison to make.
Interestingly enough, Kazuki brings up the cat from Episode 1. Not a single mention of that cat has been made up until now.
The ride is silent until Kazuki says “Sometimes it’s kinder not to get involved”, when “Kazuki’s Theme” starts playing. He’s basically given up on ever having a permanent family, or ever being happy.
Rei talks a lot in this episode, especially in this conversation. He’s more open and emotional than we’ve seen him before, and he reacts a lot to Kazuki just giving up. His line about Miri having shown him things he never would have seen otherwise hurts so bad 😭.
Kazuki tells Miri she’s having a sleepover with Misaki. I can’t help but wonder how Misaki is going to explain that Miri will be living with her now, that she won’t be seeing her Papas again. I can’t imagine that being a fun conversation.
Kazuki wrapping his scarf around Miri paralleling the cat in Episode 1 made me bawl my eyes out. And so did Kazuki’s line “Guess we weren’t able to change.” But he has changed, they both have, and we still have three (?) episodes left. It’s not over yet and this series had better have a happy ending. If it doesn’t I will learn to draw and animate a second season myself.
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scorchedhearth · 2 years
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At first, he doesn’t notice, he’s just happy that Kyle is back. After nearly a month of missions back to back he was needed for, culminating in a two weeks long diplomacy escort in the far end of some sector, Guy is just happy to see his friend again. Even if his face looks worn, despite still wearing his suit, even if his voice sounds a bit too quiet, despite the smile he’s wearing.
He only greets him as loudly as he can when Kyle steps into the bar, and while the crowd of Lanterns presents there passes around ‘welcome home’s, Guy beacons him closer with a drink and a slap to his shoulder when he takes it. His hand flies off when Kyle flinches at the touch, but he quickly brushes it off, too busy grinning at him and throwing a load of questions his way, most of them to get some fun in his own very boring month on Oa.
It’s a while later, after Kyle’s exhausted the attention of the others present, and exhausted his own stories and Guy’s patience, that he notices it properly. Kyle’s slouching on his stool, both hands wrapped around his glass, the tips of the fingers of one hand overlapping with the other, rhythmically pressing into the nails. He’s staring at two Lanterns sharing a seat when the booth proved too small for their group of friends, and Guy really looks at him.
Kyle’s never been the most physical out of their bunch of earth heroes, but he’s not the coldest one either, and Guy reckons a month cut-off has to do a number on anyone. He knocks their elbows together when he reaches over for a pen, and sees Kyle’s finching again, then swaying and leaning toward him before righting himself again. With a plan in mind, Guy stops the pretend tasks and instead, with a couple simple constructs, he fills two glasses with the best they currently have on tap.
“Come on!” He claps his hands to draw Kyle’s attention on him. “Off we go, my feet are killin’ me, we deserve a break.”
“What about the bar?” Kyle asks as Guy walks around the bar and toward him.
“Everyone’s got their drinks they can wait if they want a refill. It’s time we got ours, don’t ya think?” He grins and yield with grace.
“I like the way you’re thinking. Rojiran beer?”
"Rojiran beer,” Guy confirms, slapping his hand on Kyle’s neck. He feels him tense under his palm, and then relax some when he flexes his fingers in a firm grip. “Come on, before we lose our spot.” He pulls Kyle along who follows him. He doesn’t take his hand off, only shifts it so that it rests on his shoulder and stirs him toward a small booth in the back that is empty.
“You’d make some rookies leave one for you, mister Honor Guard Lantern.”
“You bet I’d do.” Some would call it an abuse of power, but Guy can’t say he doesn't like the way others look up to him. Makes him feel good, feels like someone important, someone valued. There’s the added bonus of bright and new Lanterns who have heard of him and haven’t met him yet and would do anything he asks. That usually ends near the second day of interaction, but by then it doesn’t matter much, as they all get he’s the most stubborn in any given situation.
They reach the booth and Guy pushes Kyle to sit in, he puts the glasses he picked up with a construct down on the table and follows him in there, missing the busy atmosphere of the bar but glad to see Kyle relax some more when they’re sheltered from the noise sitting there.
“How’d you get Rojiran goods?” Kyle asks as he takes a sip, hiding his smile behind the rim of the glass. He got a liking for the food found in some mountain range on the planet, and he still visits from time to time to enjoy himself. Guy made sure to stock up again when he heard Kyle was coming back soon. “Last I heard they weren’t exporting outside the planet anymore.”
“Change of government, new rules.” He takes a sip of his own. “And I pulled some strings, we have a new Lantern from there, she brings me some if I give her a hand with convincing Salaak when she needs it.”
“Has it ever worked?” Kyle’s eyebrows are nearly touching his hair.
“She hasn’t figured out yet that nothing can change Salaak’s mind, so I’m taking advantage of that.” Kyle bellows out a laugh that has tables around looking over them, and Guy grins. “Yep, not the brightest of the bunch, but she’s a good one. She knows what she wants and is determined. Giver her a couple months and she’ll fit right in.”
“Yeah.” He calms down and looks at the dark red liquid in his glass, swirls it once or twice before speaking again. “Did I miss a lot?”
“Nah, only the boring stuff. ‘Wog didn’t even get mad once, nothing happened.” He answers easily, maybe lying a bit but Kyle’s looking miserable enough as it is. Guy stretches his arm over the back of the seat and brings it around Kyle, letting it rest heavily on his shoulders. Once again Kyle tenses for a second before settling down, and Guy only has to wait for a second before he sways and leans into his side, not sitting but slouching against him in his seat. He can’t feel much with their suits on, but he seems more relaxed already.
“Tell you what,” he continues as if nothing happened. “Now that the prodigal duo is back together, what d’you say we go cause some ruckus out there, yeah? Been a while since ol’ Guy and Kyle traveled, take the week off.”
“Sure,” Kyle smiles. “Just let me take a nap first, alright? Haven’t slept since I took off.”
“Deal. Some beauty sleeps and off we go. We’ll make a pit stop by Earth first. I wanna pick up something from Hal’s, then we’re good.” And he adds between sips of his drink, “We can stop by your Ma’s too, if you wanna.” Kyle hums, but when he looks over he seems happy enough, so he lets the conversation quietly drops, content to sit here and watch over his bar and the crowd livening it up.
“Hey, Guy?” Kyle pipes up a minute later, and Guy squeeze his arm around his neck. He leans further into him with a small sigh.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” He says quietly.
“What for?” Guy plays dumb and Kyle, gracious as he is, lets him.
“You’re a real friend, you know that.” Guy doesn’t add anything, and neither does Kyle. They just sit there, enjoying each other’s presence and the familiarity of the bar, the Lanterns around them and the green glow of Oa's sky.
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ichayalovesyou · 2 years
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(Re)Discovering A Strange New Spock: “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” (1x07)
Previous: Mudd’s Women
Next: Miri
A meta anthology where I re-examine TOS, especially Spock, in light of the new information Discovery & Strange New Worlds has revealed about him to us.
Onto the Analysis!
When Chapel’s On The Bridge
At this point, regardless of what’s happened between Spock and Christine, regardless of what transpired between them in The Naked Time, Spock still cares. It is also obvious that regardless of that moment of weakness and pining, Christine still cares for Roger too. Whether her relationship with Korby transpires during SNW remains to be seen.
“If I seem insensitive to what you’re going through, understand, it’s the way I am.”
I think Spock is much more sensitive than he believes himself to be. How his behavior changes when Chapel is around is proof of such. When he pulls up Roger’s file, he speaks well of him, as does Kirk.
More than that, when Jim asks the likelihood of Korby having survived on the planet, he keeps his mouth shut. Implying that it’s unlikely, but that he’s keeping it to himself. Now, Spock very rarely passes up the opportunity to spout statistics, and often errs on the side of being too candid. This time, he chooses silence, to spare the feelings of an old friend.
But then!! Almost to prove as counterpoint to what I just said, Spock’s all like “you sure you can recognize his voice?” And CHAPEL, like an absolute SAVAGE goes
“Haven’t you ever been engaged Mr. Spock?”
Like!! Chapel KNOWS about T’Pring, she MET her! She was THEE person Spock went to for advice when he was having relationship troubles!
It’s almost like she subtly went “Oh! I’m so SORRY Mr. Spock! I didn’t just give up on my relationship with fiancé. But you wouldn’t know what that’s like would you?” In the most polite, innocuous way she could without airing his dirty laundry out to the whole bridge crew or to this new guy I’m sure she can tell he’s crushing on 😂
This ALSO lends credence to my “Spock & T’Pring are no longer engaged, but they are still bondmates.” theory. The Serene Squall showed us that Spock & T’Pring can end and/or reinstate their engagement, but did not (and possibly can’t) undo The Bond they made as children.
If Chapel didn’t know that T’Pring and Spock had fallen out and were no longer technically engaged, wouldn’t she have said “aren’t you engaged Spock?” or “you’re engaged Mr. Spock you should know.” but NO! She says “haven’t you ever been” which implies he hasn’t or isn’t any longer! God bless lingual ambiguities!
Then Spock looks like he’s about to say something when Chapel decides to go with Kirk, but doesn’t. Like he’s worried about her safety, not physical necessarily, but that she may not expect or enjoy what she finds down there.
Concern For The Captain
Yet another subtle shift in Spock’s character development and relationship with Jim! “We were becoming concerned, Captain.” Compare that to his exchange with Uhura at the possibility of Jim having died in The Man Trap. “My demonstration of concern will not change what has happened.” A lot can change in five episodes huh Spock? Yeah he still uses “we” and not “I” but he’s included in “we”, baby steps!
Not only that! But he continues to express caution and concern when he feels as though Jim doesn’t sound quite right, getting more urgent with “Jim” doesn’t respond right away. He has given into the truth and now does openly worry about Kirk in front of the crew.
Only I Call Him Sam
The whole Sam vs George thing, I’m willing to bet as far as JIM knows only he calls him Sam. The last time he talked to him was around the same/last time he & Spock talked to Pike. Since George, their dad who Sam’s named after, might still be involved with Starfleet, maybe Sam felt the need to make the distinction.
A distinction he’s been making at least for a little while considering Pike calls him Sam, who knows when the last time he & Jim talked before that. Not only that, but no one else but Chris has called him Sam so far! Everyone else has referred to him as Lt. Kirk. It could be maybe Jim AND Chris get the privilege of calling him Sam.
Regardless of whether that’s the case, that leaves room for a comical “Remember! Call me George” moment. “As far as Jim knows only he gets to call me Sam and I don’t want him to feel bad” would be such a cute/stupid/dorky older brother move. God I hope they address it in SNW, that’d be adorable as hell.
Mind Your Own Business Mr. Spock (“Where’s My T’hy’la Assholes?!”: First Edition)
Spock’s surprise, delight and relief that Kirk has seemingly returned safely (and early) to the Enterprise is audible. Only to be deeply rattled by Kirk’s xenophobic words to him. He knows something is deeply, deeply wrong in that moment.
He purses his lips like he does when emotion threatens to conquer, he reasons it out. He has given Jim no reason to say that to him, and Jim has only ever been kind and defended Spock up until this point. Obviously, Kirk is in trouble, and it’s his job, and his desire, to rescue him (and Chapel).
This is the first of a great many instances of Spock going in “guns blazing” when Jim is captured or threatened. And there will be many, many, many more.
Chapel, Relationships, & Autonomy
If this episode is about anything, it is about consent, human nature, and bodily autonomy. The Android version of Korby and Ruk control by ending the autonomy and ending the lives of others because they can’t understand. Andrea perishes at Korby’s hands just as she discovers her own sense of self. Korby, his empathy and comprehension of autonomy stripped from him by his transformation, threatens Chapel’s autonomy as much as Kirk’s.
Christine is a wonderful, self-reliant individual, she’s stubborn, fierce, cunning, empathetically astute, and excellent at her job. Her one big problem though, as much as she boasts of not wanting to get attached, is that she doesn’t know how to be single. She depends on romantic relationships to serve as an anchor point for her sense of self.
She doesn’t know herself outside of a romantic entanglement (no matter how casual or committed). She’s looking for “the right guy” which she will never find because love isn’t something you find, it’s a choice you make every day.
What she’s looking for doesn’t exist in Spock or in Roger, its in herself. It’s why she pines for someone she can never have, Spock. It’s why she goes so fast with Roger (the way the time tables work out they’ll be engaged by season two or three of SNW). Deep down she’s a romantic who needs to learn how to not be “in love”. She needs a soul search, not a soul mate.
Like “The Menagerie” is a bookend to Christopher Pike’s character arc, “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” is a bookend for Chapel. It is the first time Chapel chooses herself instead of immediately pursuing or falling for someone else (although those complicated feelings about Spock never really go away, feelings seldom do).
I think there’s more to it than “womanly jealousy” in Christine’s disdain for Andrea. She does what she’s told, she gives affection when demanded, Andrea is used, she is at the men around her’s beckon call. The first thing Andrea wants as she gains self awareness is to be loved. She kills Android Kirk the moment she’s denied, and immediately pursues Korby afterward.
Andrea is so desperate for love and approval and Korby destroys her, along with himself. Like the saying goes, the people you hate the most are those who remind you of things you hate about yourself. Not only was watching her fiancé, or at least a facsimile of him, incinerate himself traumatizing. I can’t imagine she didn’t make the connection “Andrea could just as easily have been me.” in that horrible moment.
That’s why she stays on the Enterprise, and I think that’s why we never see her pursue other relationships. Though she obviously cares for Spock still throughout TOS. She is shown much more often as a competent crew member after this point. She needs to spend some time owning herself, and as far as the rest of TOS (and TMP!) is concerned, that’s ultimately what she does.
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