#their videos really helped me feel less lonely

[braywashed]

I think the thing that's fucking with my brain the most is the separation of fact and fiction because it's like... we spent years being told that Bray was this unkillable character that would always come back no matter what, and now it's just like...I have to remind myself that in reality he was just a normal guy, it's weird.

It's..... yeah.

Okay - I'm gonna get real wordy and wax poetically and I'm so sorry I'm incapable of just talking and crying like a normal person.

It's like a big old layered burrito of denial on all fronts, right?

Because on the surface, we have a guy who was so young, and that seems so hard to get past in itself. We also have the fact that he was prone to injury at points and disappearing for... months at a time. He had been released and came back, what, a year later? In the meantime there were always a billion headlines with his name, speculating the worst, and it never had any accuracy or mattered. We were always *looking forward* to him returning and he always inevitably did because he had half his career ahead of him still and it always seemed like the best was to come.

And we have all these stories of what a beautiful person he was, a side we roughly knew of but never got to really experience ourselves as an audience.

But the person we saw was, as you said, this unkillable character. Literally unkillable. He told us from day one he could never die and would persist 5000 years from now when *we* were all gone. Because he was this personification of all the darkest bits of humanity and American society come to force us to face our sins. We watched him, silly as it was, get burned alive and come back a shambling heap of melting flesh and be completely restored. He was forever, he was a god, you could always find him and you could never, ever kill it.

And like, as fans, we kindle that kid in us that wants to believe in superheros and villains and we grow over the years with them. We go to events, and we sing his songs, and we thrust ourselves into that role ourselves of characters in a way. Like we were always *his*. Even if you didn't love him, you played into that for his entrance at the very least because it was such an undeniable experience. He talked and you, and every babyface, listened - whether you wanted to or not.

I'll never forget that one match on Raw, still early on, when the whole crowd was first singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and just swaying, and then turning around and chanting "Bray is gonna kill you." Like, I remember Big E was in that match, and I'm pretty sure he was on the receiving end of that chant. He was over. He was beloved. And the whole crowd was singing hymns and calling for his demise for this literal cult leader that would speak in tongues and Exorcist walk across the ring, holding his heart and smiling with some masked sinister joy at it.

It's really really hard to reconcile he's not actually some biblical force of nature looming over everything and everyone even though we know better. And like, that fan in me that's that eternal kid in a way, is just stomping my feet screaming "but he CAN'T die!"

The end of Smackdown did, and still is, really fucking me up because I kept waiting for the lantern to go out. And like, I couldn't decide if I wanted that. Because on one hand, there's a symbolism there, and a kind of sad beauty, in the light going out. He was with us, and he's gone now, and he can rest (ahahaha I'm going to start crying again). The light fades. But ultimately I'm so glad it didn't go out because A.) I don't think I could've fucking handled it and was already bawling, and B.) It shouldn't go out. Or fade. His spirit of everything he brought to that world should stay with us and with every single performer who goes out there every night and throws their hearts into playing these characters.

And like... maybe, even though it's so hard now, maybe eventually there's comfort to be found in the idea that even though the vessel is gone - *He* will, somehow, always be there haunting us. Because "I have a thousand faces and a million names." We might not see him, but we can choose to believe every time a hero is forced to face their fears that he's there behind it - silently whispering into our ears, willing us on to indulge in every second of it.

#this is dumb maybe #i guess on a less dramatic note anon #i cant remember where it was - probably jo's instagram #there was a pic of them together and he was wearing those stupid glasses he wore in that last segment for the bobby feud #the ones with the gold side frames that look like he stole them from someones mom #like no homie really had those glasses #and i had this moment of like 'oh god he's such a fucking dad for real' #i dont think anything ever threw me through a loop more than that lmao #like 'no i need to repress this imagery immediately i can't believe the eater of worlds looks like someones quirky uncle at the bbq' #now its like im glad for that stuff and the stories and pics and videos etc because it makes me smile seeing that side of him and how he #touched so many people and made people so happy to be around #but it doesnt help the confusion of it all or make it make any more sense #and i have this awful feeling a year from now im still going to be waiting for him to pop up #feeling lonely because no one else is talking about him anymore #oh it got dramatic again im a dumbass im shutting up now

[noxtivagus]

"in your darkest hour, in the blackest night…think of me…and I will be with you. always. for where else could I go? who else could I love but you?" i'm never gna shut up abt this line from ffxiv

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #the self-love in lvl 70 quests >>>> #honestly my interpretation of it is #yeah. no one could love you any better than your own self #n what this quote means to me rlly helped me a lot in the past few years #when i'm remember n hold unto myself #of how i've come this far bcs i'm me yk? #this 2023 i really won't be so afraid anymore #i'll hesitate less i won't hide as much #the only things that rlly. weigh me down i think are #the. inevitable loneliness n #the weight of the past that i love so much.. bcs i really do value life so much. it's too much for me bcs i feel too much n think too much #n i want to do so much but #yk as long as i'm. me. i think i'll manage somehow #i'll make my way through as i always have #it's just a bit lonely when i think about it but yk i do have my family i do have my friends n i'll always have apollo #music literature stories video games art or wtvr just really mean so much to me bcs i can express myself freely n truthfully #but it's so bittersweetly human to not be able to do as much as i want n i don't think i've completely accepted it despite #knowing n being so aware of it. but i'm still.. young after all. #random thought but i rlly like my hair today i hope it'll still be like this on the fair 🫣 #ARGHHH I WANT TO WRITE SO MUCH BUT I'M A BIT TIRED RN BCS OF WALKING OUTSIDE W APOLLO #ONE DAY ONE DAY we will adopt some of the strays here 🥺 starting next week we're gna help the volunteers here feed them #yk what i'm gna get things done now n i'll stop writing >< i'll. fix my tumblr one day. yes. but for now i'll focus on myself.

[emphistic]

hiii can i request a scenario like sometime before sukuna and reader got together like what pushed sukuna to ask reader out :)))

pls don’t be lonely, in time your anons will have emojis/names ^^

A/N: ugh i hate beta reading (im sorry if you find any typos or mistakes), and i hate how this turned out — definitely gonna rewrite another version for this request

"Alright, your total is coming up to $11.89 Would you like to pay with cash or card today?"

You cleared your throat, "Could you give me a second?"

"Of course!"

You turned away from the cashier to face Sukuna, who stood behind you, and probably playing some dumb video game on his phone. When he noticed your gaze on him, he looked up at you, raising a brow.

"We ordered two croissants, two drinks, and two cookies, right?"

Sukuna hummed

"So why is our total so low? We always get this as our order and it always costs more than $11.89."

Sukuna shrugged, "Why would I know?" Then, an idea came to Sukuna — his eyes lighting up. "How about . . . we don't say anything, that way we get to pay less. See? At least one of us has brain."

You frowned at that last part, "Says the one who literally tries to cheat off of me on every test we take. Anyways, that's not a good thing to do. If we did that, we would be making this business lose money. What if this store goes bankrupt because of us? I really like their croissants."

Sukuna was taken aback, were you really this nice of a person?

"No way. Are you stupid? This is the perfect way to save—"

You turned your back on Sukuna and faced the cashier, "I have a quick question."

"Yes?"

"We order this every time we come here and our total is always higher than just $11.89, is there any reason why it's lower today?"

Sukuna facepalmed after hearing you.

"Oh, right! I forgot to mention, we have a 35% discount for all couples today — in honor of Valentine's Day being right around the corner. You guys are together, right? As in you're dating?"

"We are—" Sukuna began, eager to get a discount, as he knew you were paying with his card — not that he minded spending money on you.

"We are not, actually," you finished his sentence.

Sukuna's chest tightened at your words. He didn't know why. You guys weren't actually dating, so why did he feel the need to say you were?

"Oh, my bad. I just assumed because you guys were ordering together. Sorry again," the cashier retyped whatever they had recently put in on their screen.

You laughed, "Don't worry about it."

-

"Grandpa, how do you know if a girl likes you?" Sukuna had called for a meeting in the dining room with Mr. Itadori — the grandpa in question. The pink-haired elder sat on his chair, with a cup of still smoking tea in his hands, taking occasional sips here and there.

Mr. Itadori laughed, a boisterous, and clearly very amused laugh. "You've had plenty of girlfriends, how do you not know?"

Sukuna winced at the deluge of memories, because the only reason he even had girlfriends before was to get you out of his head. You were the only one he ever thought of, ever dreamt of. You were the only one so unfortunate as to have him thinking of you night and day. Well, that's what Sukuna thought. You, on the other hand, had a different idea of him.

"I just," Sukuna scratched at his nap, "don't know."

"Well, boy. It can be a very easy thing to know. Or it can be a very hard thing to know. My best piece of advice is—"

Sukuna sat at the edge of his chair, impatiently waiting for his elder to advise him further.

"—you never know. You can never know."

Sukuna's mouth fell to his feet. "You've got to be kidding me — Grandpa, please. I need your help."

Mr. Itadori laughed, again, "You've asked me your question. I've answered your question. What more do you want?"

Sukuna grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to feel. He didn't know what to do . . . about you.

-

This time, Sukuna had planned to meet with your parents, in order to further investigate and see if you had even a speck of feeling for him (besides friendship, of course).

"We've seen you two kiss before, a multitude of times actually. Why would she not like you?"

Sukuna immediately reddened in the face, "She's only kissed me on the cheek. And, ah, I've done the umm . . . same to her. I haven't done anything bad to your daughter, I swear — on my life." He held his hands up in a defensive manner.

"Relax, Sukuna. You seriously think we haven't seen your guys' photos from the photo booth at the fair last week? Besides, you're the only boy she has movie nights. You're the only boy she would ever work with on a group project. You're the only boy she ever talks about. You're the only boy," your mom said.

Sukuna gulped. "So, can I ask her to be my—" He winced. "—girlfriend?"

Your parents both sighed, "Kids these days. Always asking questions they already know the answer to."

Sukuna's heart hammered in his chest; this was it. He finally got his answer, the answer he's been dreaming of. Now here comes the hard part: figuring out what to do next.

-

"Wait, hold on Zoe. Sukuna just texted me," you turned your camera off in order to view your messages.

"Ooooh, it's Loverboy. How romantic of him to be texting you at 8pm on a school night. Shouldn't he be getting his Z's in, considering he's like, what, 80 years old?"

You laughed, "He's only a year older than us, he just got held back."

"Uh huh." You heard the squeak of a chair from the other line as [you assumed] Zoe leaned back in her seat.

Kuna

Hey

Meet me @ the beach

I need your help rq

You

Wtf??

Why the hell r u at the beacj at eight?

Kuna

Just get over here already

You rolled your eyes at his bluntness. "Sorry, girl. He needs my help with — actually, I don't even know what he needs my help for. Anywho, I'll call you back after."

"Sureee you will. After he kills you or something. Y'know, from the moment you introduced him to me, I knew there was something off about his demeanor—"

"Okay, bye!" You hung up the call and quickly slipped a pair of sneakers on.

When you pulled up to the beach, you saw a figure sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. You recognized said figure are none other than Sukuna.

"So, what's up?" You approached Sukuna.

He looked up, somewhat surprised to see you arrive so fast.

"Um—" He looked around, searching for something, before standing up quickly.

"You gonna tell me what's going on? Are do you want me to figure it out myself?"

"I'd rather you not do the latter."

"Oh my God, just tell me," you spoke, with an exasperated expression on your face.

Sukuna sighed, before thrusting a bouquet of roses (he's not that basic, he just didn't know what flowers you liked best, and was too scared to ask) into your arms, saying, "Be my girlfriend."

"Sorry — be your what?" Your mouth fell open in utter disbelief.

"My girlfriend," he muttered, now turned away from you; you could see the tips of his ears reddening. "Are you deaf or something, kid?"

Even when he was flustered he worked hard to keep up a cold attitude.

You regained your posture, clearing your throat, "Does that line work work with all the ladies? Is that how you get all your girls? Oh, please. 'Be my girlfriend'? What the hell, Sukuna? Is that seriously the best you've got?"

"Ugh, forget it." Sukuna stuffed his hands into his hoodie pocket and began to walk away.

"Wait — I never said my answer was 'no'."

That made him turn around instantly.

"But I never said my answer was 'yes'," you teased, flashing a grin in Sukuna's direction.

"You're so annoying," he met you halfway.

"And you're such a silly goose," you booped him on the nose, earning a grunt in response. "Of course I'll be your girlfriend, 'Kuna," you stood up on your tippy toes and placed a chaste kiss on Sukuna's chapped lips.

As you pulled away, he brought you back in for another, more zealous kiss, this time. One of his arms wrapped around the curve of your waist while the other played with your hair; you placed your hands on his shoulders.

This was it.

Sukuna now knew what to do. Sukuna now knew what to say. Sukuna now knew what to think. Sukuna now knew what to feel. Sukuna now knew you.

Taglist: @starlets-things @sad-darksoul @mochimoee @r0ckst4rjk @lillycore @deepchromatose @yinyinyinyinyinyin @fivehoneyharg @desihopelessromantic @lich1 @hannas16 @acroso

#sukuna x reader #ryomen x reader #sukuna x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you #sukuna fluff

[jazzsonly]

౨ৎ blurb. ౨ৎ

ʜᴜɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴏɴ ᴜ

pairing(s): amber freeman x g!p!reader

warning(s): no pronouns used. smut. blowjob. making out. recording. mentions of onlyfans. use of shaft and length. not too detailed or long bc it’s a blurb. (deal with it.) probably the worst thing you’ve ever read tbh.

summary: ❝ shut your mouth, i’m recording. ❞

inspired by.

────────✬────────

amber was touchy, it’s just who she was…especially with you. anyone who was with you in a room for more than a minute could pick up on this. the way she always jumped on you in excitement, her legs wrapped around your waist and her arms around your neck, while your hands rested under her thighs.

or the way she sat on your lap when you’re in the quad with core four. when she insisted on plucking your eyebrows, straddling you as you sat on the couch, legs settled on either side of you.

it was just normal for you two, and normal for anyone else around. as normal as it was, it was hard for you (no pun intended) to stay contained because amber was a pretty girl, a very pretty girl and you sometimes found it difficult to stay contained with her on your lap. it wasn’t just the fact that she was on your lap but that she was on your lap in the shortest mini skirt or the shortest biker shorts.

and she could never sit still, always making it a point to move her hips, rocking back and forth on you. claiming she were ‘trying to get comfortable.’ you just prayed to whatever in the sky that she couldn’t feel your hard-on when she was on your lap.

“you know…i’ve been thinking about doing onlyfans,” your eyes widen at amber’s statement.

it had been a lonely saturday, just you and amber at the apartment while the others went out for laser tag. you had been pretty worn at from work the day before so you decided to stay in and watch movies, amber claiming to be worn out too and offering to join you.

you were both on the couch, you arms stretched out and rested, legs opened in a manspread position. all while amber’s head rested in your lap.

“why would you need to do onlyfans?”

“ehh, just some extra cash. plus, our rent might go up.”

you clear your throat, swatting away the thoughts of the things amber would do for onlyfans. “why not just pick up extra shifts?”

“it’ll be no good, they cut my hours anyway cause the new hire.”

“well, whatever you’re comfortable with…i’ll support.”

the girl smirks, “you’ll support?”

“n—not like that, i meant—like i won’t judge you or be weird about.”

“so,” she pauses to sit up, looking at you more clearly. “you wouldn’t tune in?”

“wouldn’t that be weird?”

“no weirder than how you get hard every time i sit on your lap.”

your eyes widen and a nervous cough leaked out, “amber i—“

“relax,” she moves her position again, straddling your lap. “i like it. i like you.”

“you like me?”

“uh huh, and i want to make my first video with you.”

there were invisible question marks over your head. was this really happening?

“yo—you do?” amber smirks, she loved the affect she had on you. you were so nervous and lost in this moment. it turned her on.

she leans forward, her hand in the middle of your chest to steady herself, “i want you inside of my mouth.”

“amber, are you—i mean, i don’t want to mess up our friendship…plus, i’ve never done this before.”

“i’ll guide you…so, are you in or what?”

your bottom lip stuck between your teeth and your chewed on it in nervousness, of course you wanted to do it but what the fuck?

“you won’t even have to show your face, the camera will only come to your waist and i’ll be on my knees.”

you exhaled deeply, looking up at the girl, “ok.”

“yay!” she kisses your cheek in excitement before jumping up, she ran to her room to get the tripod and her phone.

your leg bounces rapidly, while she sets up the equipment near the coffee table.

“relax,” she hand comes down on your thigh to stop it from shaking. “you wanna kiss me first? help it be less nerve wrecking for you?”

you hesitantly nod, licking your lips.

the freeman places her other hand on your other thigh, steadying herself as she leans forward, running her tongue across your bottom lip. she can’t help but smirk at the hitch of breath you let out at her actions, she pushes forward, her lips pressing against yours and locking with them.

her seductive aura took over you, intoxicating you. as you start to relax, you get more comfortable and let you tongue run against her lips this time and she immediately opens her mouth, pressing her tongue against yours, letting you taste her.

her minty strawberry breath was now mixed with yours. her tongue rolls against yours, fighting a fight that she already won. and to dismay she pulls away, slowly.

her eyes study your face, your eyes still closed, lips still puckered and you lean forward into her, wanting more.

“mhm, ok stand up so i can line the camera up with your waist.”

easily, you comply to her demand, moving around the coffee table, you stand next to the tripod that held her phone and she slid down to her knees in front of you adjust the camera’s view.

you couldn’t help but look away in embarrassment, knowing your hard-on was showing through your sweatpants—the same sweatpants amber leans up and kisses the hem of.

“amber are you su—“

“shh, i’m recording.”

you tongue flys to the roof of your mouth, cutting your words off.

“look at me.” she softly demands and reluctantly you let your eyes meet her dark doe ones, that gracefully put you in a trance of obedience.

her nails run against your smooth waist before she hooks her fingers in the hem of your sweats and let them drop down to your ankle, her eyes going back and forth, from your eyes to very noticeable print that now showed through your plaid fruit of the loom boxers.

a content smile takes over as she runs her fingers across the seven and a half inches, feeling the slight veins.

if it wasn’t clear to her, it was clear to you that your body was on fire with a desire that grew more and more with each slight movement of your roommates.

taking you by surprise, the girl swiftly hooks her fingers into your boxers this time, letting them also drop your ankles, you length stood tall, whipping out, hitting her in the cheek softly.

“so big,” she utters straight into your eyes and somehow, if even possible you grew even more aroused.

you push your tongue slightly between your teeth and bite down softly when she grabs your base firmly, wasting no time to lick the tip. her salvia wet and moist on you, bringing you soft sensations.

she bobs her head down, only taking the tip into her mouth which caused you to lowly groan.

you had a few girlfriends in the past and though you didn’t go all the way, you’d gotten head before but not like this, not like amber. her movements were so precise, your pleasure was her’s and she wanted to make sure it was just right.

with a pop, she let you fall from her mouth, taking the left over spit and using it as lube to move her hand up and down your shaft, she had a tight grip and she twists when she comes to the base, going up and down with the same movements.

“fuck, amber.”

“mhm, feels good? tell me how good it feels, y/n.”

subconsciously, without any embarrassment you let out the pleasure. “it feels so good, amb. so good.”

she hums in satisfaction, taking you into her o shaped mouth once more, this time going deeper then just the tip. she bops her head up and down, eyes still locked on your half closed ones.

once again, amber studied you. the way you fell apart in her hands (and mouth), the way your head slightly threw back, and low curses feel from your mouth followed with an occasional ‘amb.’

she’d been wanting this moment for a long time and she finally got it.

making it a point to pleasure you, to send you over the edge, amber sucks air in through her nose and prepares to take all of you into her mouth, deepthroating you.

“oh fuck!” music to amber’s ears.

“amb, i’m so close! don’t stop!” without even knowing it, your fingers lace in the girls hair and grip tightly as you move her head just the way you want.

her eyes watery and her breath shortened, she let you do whatever you wanted.

once you feel that familiar pit in your stomach, you tug her hair and release yourself from her mouth, letting your cum squirt on her face without warning, but of course the freeman didn’t mind.

━━━ 👩🏽‍💻 a gift for all my beautiful, sexy, silly babygirls.

#sam carpenter #tara carpenter #ethan landry #ghostface #mindy meeks martin #scream six #sam carpenter x you #sam loomis #scream #jenna ortega #amber freeman x female reader #amber freeman x y/n #amber freeman x you #amber freeman x reader #amber freeman #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #writingofn #jenna ortega x reader #scream 6 #tara carpenter x female reader #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x y/n #chad meeks x reader #sam carpenter x female reader

[bioethicists]

hm i really hope that someone has said this better than me but the betterhelp ads (specifically the video ones, as the podcast ones tend to be less scripted) are such poignant examples of alienation + the role of 'go to therapy' in perpetuating that alienation. keep in mind that, if you personally found a therapist who is genuinely healing for you + that therapist happens to be through betterhelp- i'm genuinely happy for you + that experience does not invalidate anything i have to say below! (but jsyk they're trying to sell your shit to facebook lol)

starting strong w/ the fact that betterhelp is essentially the uber of therapy (aka using an independent contractor model which is harmful + predatory towards its providers), rushing in to fill the market on largely uninsured and/or uninformed ppl who want the ease of a concierge system without the cost + lacks a meaningful supervision system (which led to one gay man being recommended a conversion therapist when he asked for someone to help with his identity struggles, btw!). smarter people than me have written about the ways in which these trendy independent contractor apps strip people of labor rights, fail to provide adequate wages, + in the case of healthcare apps, increase digital surveillance + decrease accountability demanded from providers while exploiting the failure of the US healthcare system in order to churn a profit w/o actually creating sustainable, equitable change.

the betterhelp video ads all circle around a theme- a millennial starts talking about some form of emotional pain or worry, usually relatively standard existential worries ("do you ever think nothing has meaning?") or life worries ("i hate my job" "i think i'm gay"). their friends or the ppl around them respond blankly + coldly, looking at them like they're crazy. while i understand these ads are supposed to be tongue in cheek, they demonstrate the crushing reality of our alienation from one another- the solution to your friends responding to your evident pain with confusion + apathy is to confine that pain to a therapy session! nobody wants to hear your struggles or understands them- come generate profits for us by facetiming a newly graduated 24 year old who can barely make rent!

this theme fits well with what already put me off about betterhelp's marketing- their goal has never been to provide access to therapy for those who want it or to altruistically fill in some healthcare gap. their goal, bolstered by the rise in emotional suffering following, you know, the worldwide pandemic, is to generate + increase demand for therapy as a commodity. their earlier podcast ads focused on convincing others that therapy "isn't just for crazy ppl" + "everyone should be in therapy". regardless of if you personally agree with that statement, it should be evident that this is a blatant marketing tactic in which therapy is a commodity to be peddled, not an offer of support or healing. in fact, they're probably actively shying away from treating "crazy people", bcuz their flimsy support systems could not possibly handle an influx of ppl regularly in crisis or experiencing breaks with a common reality. their target audience is your average millennial under late capitalism + post COVID - anxious, lonely, vaguely depressed, unhappy with their jobs, worried + hopeless about their futures.

i'm not here to tell anyone not to get therapy. that's a personal decision + is none of my fucking business. it's about questioning the total alienation we feel from one another, such that pouring our heart our unexpectedly to a friend + being met with a blank stare is framed as "haha you need therapy" + not "it's crushing that this is how distant we are from one another". it's about a company noticing that (unfortunately very real) distance + fear of vulnerability + using that to direct our emotions into the confines of a business transaction under abusive labor conditions. it's about a world in which we are not engaging with one another emotionally (despite, or i guess bcuz of: widespread suffering, recent mass death, class warfare/untenable working conditions, increased pressure of fascist politics, generational trauma + abuse, etc etc). commodifying therapy isn't going to make that loneliness go away- it's going to normalize it.

#anti psychiatry #smh i write all these on the toilet then my wife is like charlie it's been a fucking hour

[munsonfamilyband]

@nburkhardt ;)

It is technically not Valentine's day for me anymore but it's still Valentine's day in other places so I'm writing it anyways.

-------------------

Eddie walked into Family Video, shaking the snow out of his hair because he refused to wear a hat, and he stopped in his tracks when he saw the decorations. Hearts, pink and red and white hearts. Hearts on the counter and hanging from the ceiling.

Valentine's Day was coming.

"Hey, Eddie." He managed to snap himself out of his stupor to look at Steve. God, Steve. It really is unfair how pretty he is, even in a polo and his stupid work vest. Grinning, Eddie walked up to the counter and leaned his elbows on it, immediately grabbing a heart and glaring at it before tossing it over his shoulder.

"Hey, Stevie. I see Hallmark has sunk its claws into Family Video." He watched Steve get the most adorable frown on his face, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.

"Hallmark, what-? Oh! The hearts, right?" Eddie grinned even wider, grabbing another heart and starting to rip little pieces off of it.

"Yeah, figures a movie store would buy into the capitalist propaganda though," Eddie groaned as he spoke, finally ripping the heart to pieces and scattering it on the counter. Steve was giving him a weird look that Eddie couldn't quite decipher but he was save from contemplating it by Robin stepping out from the back room.

"Oh joy, our most frequent and worst customer." Eddie stood up straight with a gasp, holding a hand over his heart.

"Birdie, you wound me. I am your best customer." She chucked a ball of paper at him, somehow managing to hit his chest with only a glance in his direction.

"You can't be our best customer when you barely buy anything and all you do is distract Steve from working." Eddie couldn't help but laugh when Steve yelled a noise of complaint. "What are you even doing here today, Eddie? Shouldn't you be out preparing a valentine for someone or something?"

"Ha! Me, participating it that sham of a holiday?" Eddie laughed, shaking his head. "Absolutely not, Bucks. Valentine's day is a corporate sham that preys on the lonely and not lonely alike. If you're in a relationship you get pressured into buying thoughtless gifts to show off how happy you are for a day. If you aren't in a relationship, then you just get crushed under all the pink and hearts and babies in diapers with arrows, and you get pushed into buying excessive amounts of booze and food so you feel a little less lonely for the day. I've never celebrated and I don't have any plans to any time soon." When he finished his speech he expected someone to say something, but it was completely silent. Robin had moved over to stand behind the counter with Steve and she was frowning at him (something he never liked because she only frowned at him when he was being really stupid and he usually couldn't figure out what he did). Steve was standing oddly still and he had that weird look on his face again. "You feeling okay, Stevie?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Totally fine." They all lapsed into silence again before Robin cleared her throat.

"Well, I mean, it's not just about relationships it's also St-Ow!" Eddie turned fully to look at Robin who seemed to be leaning weirdly to one side.

"You good?" He watched as Robin and Steve had one of their silent conversations. He loved that they had each other but the silent talking did get annoying.

"...Yeah, slipped and stubbed my toe, that's all. But if you want to avoid Valentine's day you may want to run because we put out all the romcoms today so the crowds will be bad." Eddie wrinkled his nose in distate.

"Ugh, thanks for the warning, I'll see you guys around then?" He glanced between them, noticing that both of them were giving him a tight smile that didn't quite reach their eyes but he decided not to dwell on it. "I gotta catch up with Nance, someone does have a date and has asked her bestie to help her plan it. Any requests, Buckley?" Eddie was relieved when that did get Robin to blush, finally a normal reaction.

"Not really." Eddie just grinned, throwing up a two finger salute before heading back out into the snow to head to the Wheeler's.

~~~~~~

"Nance, I promise you, Robin does not care how elaborate your date is, she will love it anyway because you planned it." Eddie was sprawled on Nancy's bed in her room, arms behind his head as Nancy paced in front of him.

"It's our first Valentine's day, I want it to be special." Eddie scoffed quietly. Nancy had already heard his anti-Valentine's day speech and while they didn't agree, they decided to just move past it. "Oh, right, I meant to ask. I know that you still refuse to ask Steve out, for reasons unknown-"

"They aren't unknown, Nance, we just don't know-"

"Hush. I know you won't ask him out, but are you at least planning something nice for his birthday? I don't know how much I'll be able to help you with since it's in two days-" Eddie suddenly sat up on the bed, staring at Nancy with wide eyes. She couldn't be saying what he thought she was saying.

"Nancy. I need you to not judge me right now when I ask you a question." He waited for her to nod at him, eyebrow already raised to judge him. "What day is Steve's birthday?"

"The fourteenth? Did he not tell you? Eddie? Why do you look so panicked?" He had collapsed back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling in horror. He had gone on and on about how much he hated Valentine's day and how he wasn't planning anything ever and... and he basically said that Steve's birthday was a day he hated. What kind of friend does that?

"I didn't know- Nance, I gave him the V-day speech-"

"Please tell me you are joking, Edward Munson, or so help me-"

"Nancy! Why would I joke about this! I just basically told the guy that I'm practically in love with that I hate his birthday! What do I do!" He was standing now, taking up Nancy's place and pacing the room until she grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look at her.

"Eddie, listen to me. You helped me plan my date, now I'm going to help you. Because there is no way I am letting you fix this without telling Steve that you love him, and there will be no arguments. You fucked up, not it's time to not run away and fix it."

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #should I write more of this? #I was going to finish this tonight but it's like 1am and I have more work tomorrow

[yeehawpim]

HI UM i really admire you and your art and i was wondering --

so i really love the way you format your comics, its really straight-forward and lets the reader process every word with ease (which i think adds to the impact of the writing), and that one rue comic with the split colors for the parentheses... how do you do it without making it look so messy?? to bring up another example, the hide-and-seek comic- i love how subtle and genius the call back to hiding behind the door was, it blew my mind... i take a lot of inspiration from the way you format and lay out your comics but for some reason i cant wrap my head around how you do so much with so little (in reality this might just be the result of me wanting to add so many little details for others to find , while being conflicted on keeping it simple, and,,, AGH...) for context : im trying to make a comic about isolation, but i keep filling up the page because i want to add things - when really i know i should be keeping it simple... but other than removing unnecessary details, i want to know what else you do to make your comics so clean and simple yet it rips out the emotions from your heart and has you stare at it as it beats. like... i want that type of impact!! i want to affect others on such an intense level!! i want to induce emotions!!! but how?

(sorry this was long, HAHAHA i just want to drive my point home- again with the 'wanting to add a lot of stuff to prove a point' thing but i digress)

ok first of all that is a huge compliment and it means v much to me, thank you 😭🙏❤️❤️

tbh for me the answer of keeping things uncluttered is paying attention to spacing and eye direction. Spacing depends on timing, if you want an action to happen slowly for instance you can make the space between panels longer, or take more panels for someone to complete an action. There's tricks for directing your eye, if you ever read anyth about focal points (eg biggest contrast, triangular shapes pointing towards what's important), but really with comics I keep in mind you're reading left to right and top to bottom.

The ruehob comic is actually simpler than you think 😅 I already knew which text had to be on the left and right with august's text post. And after that the "lanes" were so narrow there weren't a lot of complicated things I could do, just make sure you still read left to right and saunter vaguely downwards.

when you talk about putting little details, that doesn't necessarily have to distract people. Like I honestly applaud you having the drive to do detailing. You just have to make sure your compositions allow for it. Like if you think about ghibli backgrounds, they're elaborate and beautiful af.

For smth about isolation, my first thought was that you can draw a person in a setting alone among a bunch of objects, for instance. If you keep the person small but surround them with a bunch of detailed objects, it could feel very lonely. Just make sure the person still stands out b/c they're what's important, so for example the background stuff is a less saturated colour, or the person is the least detailed thing on the page. I think that's the main thing, you just have to make sure the things important to what you're saying stand out. Clarity is rlly half the battle when I'm laying things out haha

In school our teacher called this "killing your babies" because it sucks when you work hard on a cool drawing and it just doesn't work out😂This also still happens to me, it's actually partly why I keep things simple so I can work fast and throw out less

Here is a timestamp from supereyepatchwolf's video about Chainsaw Man, which has some of the coolest fuckin layouts

He's got other stuff that talks about manga and how eye direction can work and what cool stuff has been done. Off the top of my head his vid about one piece and his vid about gantz have helped me understand how to cause Emotions. Also I think he has one about Junji Ito that specifically talks about how details can make you scared, if you're into that 😂

hope this helps!

#q&a

[iamthenerdqueen]

The Red String of Faith - Chapter XV

Idol!AteezXOCs Soulmates!ot8AteezXOCs OCXOC Slight Social Media AU!

MDNI 18+ ONLY

slight twigger warnings:Polyamory, group of 10, two OC's -feel free to replace one OC with yourself if you'd like- , listen this is an idea me and my best friend had and is something for fun read at own risk, not edited as always, also we are starting to explore themes such as bxb and gxg if thats not for you, this story may not be for you.

Chapter XI, Chapter XII, Chapter XIII, Chapter XIV, Dance Practice, Next

Lia hated the late lonely nights most of all, having a large condo was creepy when there was no one else there. She could only be on stream for so long and then it was too quiet at home. For a house that had ten different people living in it, most of the time they weren’t there. Most of the time she was there by herself. So, LIa had made it a habit to come by at the late-night practices as the comeback drew near.

Hongjoong slid down the wall to sit next to her and gently took her hand in his. On the other side of her, Yeosang was getting comfortable as well. In most practices, they danced until their legs felt like a liquid under them while other nights the brain cell simply leaves the room. Tonight the brain cell must have been with some other kpop group because Yunho was convinced that he was going to perfect a handstand into a split and get the choreographer to let him add it to the dance. San and Wooyoung were cheering him on while Mingi was trying to get it on video. The other four were spread out around the room trying to find the will to keep practicing.

“You and baby need to eat,” Hongjoong was firm with the fact that she should eat three meals a day if he couldn’t convince her to eat four.

“Have you all eaten since lunch? It’s nearly nine?” Hongjoong shook his head confirming what she already knew, no they hadn’t eaten yet.

“Okay then, i’ll eat if we all eat. But no fried chicken or pizza tonight, please,” with Yeosang’s love for chicken and the way that they turned to pizza when they didn’t have the energy to think of what to eat, she had eaten enough of that for a lifetime.

“Should someone go grab Lyra? I think she’s still in Yerim’s office helping her,” Mingi spoke from the other side of the room. Lyra had been there all day and hadn’t come to even peak her head in the entire time they had been practicing that evening.

Yerim was still a thorn in LIa’s side, doing her darndest to take up any spare time Lyra had and making up any excuse to keep Lyra at the company longer than she really needed to be. Like tonight, she requested that Lyra help her with some paperwork and an interview schedule that was coming up. None of these things had anything to do with the job she was hired to do at KQ.

Lia and the boys were getting more off-put with the needy manager and her attachment to their soulmate.

“Okay, listen we haven’t heard from her since the kids left from their session at 4:30, when she let us know that Yerim had asked for help. We’re not having another dinner, even if it’s here in the practice room without her,” the boys could only watch as Lia ranted before making her way out the door and down the hall. They were also less than pleased with the situation, but it was more complicated for them.

The march down the hall wasn’t a long one, but it felt like the halls would never end. If she didn’t know any better, Lia would swear the baby was moving more as if telling her not to go toward the office.

Standing outside the door was nothing short of nerve-wracking, and knocking was worse.

Yerim’s expression when she opened the door was like someone had vomited down her shirt. She looked at Lia like she was the worst thing to ever step in front of her.

“What?,” Yerim always made sure to speak to Lia in Korean as fast as she could get it out of her mouth. It was one of the many things Yerim could do to make any interaction they had awful, especially since the incident a week prior with Jongho. She had only gotten more nasty in her treatment of Lia and more desperate to keep Lyra as close to her as possible.

“Hi, Yerim. I’m just coming to get Lyra for dinner, we thought it would be nice if the entire soul group could eat together tonight,” Lia was just as nasty to the manager at this point. She tried her best to be polite but she wouldn’t take any more of her shit.

“She’s not going anywhere, my Lyra is going to have dinner with me tonight like she should,” Yerim had this crazy look in her eye, like a mad woman.

“Excuse me? Who do you think you are? Lyra! Lyra? Come on, the boys are waiting, we're going to have dinner then go home, we all need to have a talk,” there was some movement from in the room, and a noise that could only be described as rage left Yerim.

She stepped forward pushing Lia back a few steps as she slammed the door to her office shut, blocking Lia’s way to Lyra and vice versa separating the two of them from one another.

It was fast and then there was something sharp in Lia’s abdomen, it didn’t take her looking down to know that it was a knife. Black dots started to form with every blink of her eye, pain coming from all over but her only thought was of her baby. This bitch was trying to hurt her baby.

The black started to take over her vision before she could even get out a cry for help.

“Lia?” A voice was calling out to her, soothing and like home.

“Lia, are you going to get up now? You can’t sleep on the couch like this, not when you just got out of the hospital,” She opened her eyes to see Lyra and Yunho next to her in their home like nothing had ever been wrong. Like she hadn’t just been stabbed by a psycho at their place of work.

She sat straight up on the couch, her hand flying to her stomach to check for a puncture wound and to feel for the baby.

“The baby, oh my god the baby,” the panic in her voice made Yunho and Lyra go into overdrive.

“Lia, what baby? Are you okay, pretty?” Yunho kneeled right next to her and put a hand on her forehead to check for a spike in temperature.

“I was pregnant and got attacked and-,” Lia stopped talking for a second trying to take in everything as she got her wits about herself.

“Lia, you passed out a few nights ago and we went to the hospital, remember? It was a combination of lingering soul sickness because you didn’t finish your meds and in conjunction with the migrain you had put you on your ass,” with Lyra’s words it all came flooding back and her heart sank a little as reality came to hang over her head.

It had all been a dream, the pregnancy and the baby and the attack from Yerim. None of it had happened and a part of her was crushed that the little life she had been growing wasn’t real. A larger part of her, however, was relieved that there was no child because she knew it wasn’t the right time for a baby and all of the complications that come along with a kid.

“I had the craziest dream, I was pregnant and Yerim stabbed me,” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Half of her thought that maybe she would trigger the time loop and it would put her back in the alternative universe where she was pregnant.

Instead, all she could hear were the laughs that came from Yunho and Lyra.

“The doctor did say you would have some wild dreams, but let's hope no one gets stabbed and no babies until later, " Yunho paused for a second, “Much later.”

She couldn’t help but fall back with her laughs, everything had seemed so real and it was such a long dream. But those good drugs always gave her weird dreams including the one time when she broke her ankle and had a dream about brooms trying to sweep her away but she couldn't run because of her ankle.

The next couple of days were odd, some days she had to remind herself that none of that had happened. She still had the worst feeling in her gut any time someone mentioned Yerim, but it was something she would get over with time. Everyone took this as a bit of a wake-up call, a sign that life changes when more soulmates come into the picture.

“You look tired,” Lia jumped a little, she hadn’t expected the sound of Jongho’s voice.

“How can you tell, my back is to you?” She had been doing some light editing on and off for the day. She wasn’t able to do much but a little bit of screen time wouldn’t hurt her.

“Because I can,” He wasn’t wrong but if she laid in bed doing nothing, she knew that sleep would never come. She needed to be exhausted to get to sleep, she could never relax enough to drift off if she wasn’t dead tired.

“Well, I’m not tired enough. I’ll be done soon and try to lay down,” She was lying, she would work into the early hours of the morning but this would make him feel better so in her mind it was fine. Turning to look at him, Lia gave him a small smile, something to reassure him only to find him not buying her words.

“No, we will go lay down together. I’m tired too and want to cuddle.” There was no argument there especially when he was already walking over to her with full intention to haul her away from the office. It was a good sleep, no witch dreams. It felt like a fresh start, a way to reconnect with this life.

A/N: sorry this is a short one, but I wanted y'all to have more than one update lol. I will be back eventually. until then, be good.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #atiny #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #ateez san #atz x reader #ateez fic #ateez imagines #atz #park seonghwa #wooyoung #atz wooyoung #atz fanfic #hongjoong #atzsource #ot8 ateez x reader #ateez jongho #ateez yunho #ateez mingi #ateez yeosang

[petite-gloom-mail]

hiii megan!! i just wanted to pop in and say how much you have helped me. i have been housebound (agoraphobic) for about 3 years now and i discovered your videos nearly 2 years ago. you have been the one thing which has been a constant in my life and i just want to thank you for that. i watch your videos everyday and sometimes i will just have your videos on all day in the background on loop because it makes me feel not alone. the fact that you also struggle to get out of the house makes me feel so much less alone. just thank you, you have helped me more than you could ever imagine.

ahh anon you have no idea what this message means to me, thank you. i’ve been having an increasingly difficult time leaving the house recently and it’s such a lonely feeling, and really difficult to try and explain to people. to know that im inadvertently helping someone in a similar situation feel slightly less alone is really quite emotional

thank you for taking the time to leave me such a lovely message, and for watching the videos. im really glad they’re able to provide you a little company and comfort

#kind words

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 6: The Inspection

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 5

tw: descriptions of a minor panic attack

February 1984

Julie watched in horror as her journal was ripped in half by Matthew Anderson. The person who has been torturing her all year, but never stooped to this level. She could deal with the name calling, the pulling on her ponytails and braids, the balls of paper that would be thrown at her in the halls. That was just him being an idiot and picking on the poor kid.

This, this hit differently.

Her journals were her life. Stories written down that were fabricated from her mind or truth she was never able to fully speak. Worlds crafted and characters created. Places she’s always wanted to visit or things she’s always wanted to do. These journals made her days less lonely. Made her life feel fuller.

And now there it lays on the ground ripped into pieces, while Mathew and his friends laugh at her tears. Solemnly, Julie picks up the pieces of her book and runs away, scared that staying there for even a second more would bring on more taunting.

She runs to the back of the school and hides below a staircase, crying over her lost words. Stories jumbles together, pages ripped apart. Everything she’s worked so hard on teared apart in minutes.

“Hey, are you ok?” a boy with a black bowl cut wearing a sweater asks her.

Julie just looks back at the mess in her hands, overwhelmed by it all over again. “They ripped it apart,” she whispers. “Just took it from me an destroyed it.”

“Bullies, they’re just a bunch of mouth breathers,” the boy sits next to her. “It doesn’t look too bad, you could probably tape it back together.”

“Maybe, doesn’t make it the same, though.”

Julie’s mom told her that this journal was sent by her dad. Part of her knew it was a lie, but the innocent part of her really wanted to believe that it was true. This journal was special, it was her yearly gift from her dad. She would write stories in it about happy families, hoping that this magical journal would make her dad show up. That way her mom could be happy again, she could be happy too.

“What was it?” the boy asks.

Julie lines up the pieces of paper into a small, organized stack. “Stories. I like to write sometimes.”

“That cool. My friend likes to draw stories. He says that the best thing about them is how you can create them with your own mind, that way no one can ever really take them from you.”

“I never thought about it that way.” She looks at the piles of stories again and imagines them differently. Instead of ruined castles and homes, she sees rebuilding after a long battle. She sees hope. “Thank you.”

The boy shrugs. “I’m Mike, by the way.”

“Julie.”

. . .

Present Day

Steve hangs up the phone with the owner of Family Video, smiling to himself and can’t help himself from doing a small fist pump. He got the job. Which isn’t a lot, considering he can’t see himself doing it for the rest of his life, but it’s one step closer to passing this inspection.

The inspection has been looming over his head for the past week. After the meeting with the social worker, Steve has been working double to make sure the house was presentable, even if it wasn’t supposed to happen quite yet. Going through each drawer, making sure everything is in its place. Making a small box of all of his upside down related items to find a nice hiding place outside of his house so that they won’t be found.

It was a lot, but it was worth it. There would finally be somebody else living in this house, someone who was family. Another person filling the mass of rooms that stayed empty for his entire life. And by someone who would stay.

Or at least, stay for longer than a week.

This whole placement thing was still weighing over his head. If he was honest with himself, he wanted to one day get permanent custody of Julie, but that wouldn’t be for the best. With all that she’s been through, she deserved someone more stable than him. But he could provide her with a safe place to live where she actually liked, so that was enough.

And maybe when the time came to find a permanent placement, he would be stable enough to get it. If that ever would be a possibility.

But that would involve a better job than retail, his own place and not his parents. No more nightmares and a better explanation for his many scars. A less marked medical history and probably one less NDA than he has signed.

As much as Steve hoped, it didn’t seem feasible. It didn’t seem in reach. The family he’s found would leave again, and he couldn’t stop it. But he wanted to.

Eddie and Robin let themselves in through the front door, promising to help Steve get the house actually ready for the inspection. Since it’s in shambles from his weeklong obsessive searching for every possible thing that could be wrong. There were papers everywhere and things out of place. It needed to be put back together. And Eddie offered to hide out the upside down stuff at his new house, so that was helpful.

“Jesus, dingus,” Robin looks disgusted as she scans the mess, “the hell did you do?”

Eddie does a soft whistle, making his own observations. “Blew up in the living room?”

Steve sighs. “I know it’s bad. Just help, please.”

“Why we’re here.” Robin starts making small piles, organizing the mess.

Eddie grabs a few of the larger items, and brings them to the kitchen, placing them all on the table to be distributed later. Room by room they go through and put everything back to where it was, making sure nothing is out of place. Eventually it ends with Steve and Eddie in his room, gathering up some discarded clothing to be taken to the laundry room.

Steve is mentally checking off a list in his head, adding new things one after another of what he has to do. Clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, make sure the guest room beds are made and presentable, make sure there are no visible dangers in the house, check the railings for lose poles. Things he doesn’t even need to do but can’t help but think are necessary.

If this doesn’t go perfectly than what else is he supposed to do. Julie will be stuck in a terrible household until her social worker caves and moves her to another town. He’ll lose the only biological family that’s ever cared about him. All of this will have been for nothing. Julie will be let down and devastated, he’ll be devastated. It’ll all go terribly, and she’ll never talk to him again.

He'll be left alone in this house again. For God knows how long. He can’t move, can’t leave it behind for some reason. It just sits vacant with only him in it. And soon enough the kids will all go away to college, leaving him behind too. Robin will save enough money to go eventually too. Eddie will finally do what he always says and get the hell out of town. Leaving Steve in an empty house with no one around that loves him anymore.

A broken, empty house that has a million things wrong with it. So many things that this will never happen. They’ll see right through to the scared kid he still is but tries to hide. They’ll see the ghost that lives in his backyard. The pain and fear inside of him will come pouring out in the worst way possible. He’ll be deemed as unfit and this will all be for nothing. It’s always for nothing.

“Steve,” Eddie’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “Breathe. In, and out.”

Steve does what he said. Breathing deeply through his nose, not noticing how tight his chest had become. Breathing out through his mouth, hearing how shaky it is. He repeats it again and tries to stop the train on indefinite tracks in his mind, seemingly breaking off from itself and going in a million different ways. Each new branch clouding his thoughts and increasing the panic more.

“That’s good, now again.” Eddie breathes with him, making him hold his breath just slightly to help calm down his heartrate. He guides Steve to sit down on his bed, sitting next to him and taking his hand. Counting him through his breathes until the tightness alleviates, and he can breathe normally again.

“Thank you,” Steve breathes out, slouching a bit.

Eddie rubs his thumb across the back of Steve’s hand, squeezing it just slightly. Warmth radiating through the touch, making Steve want to lean in closer and absorb it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.

Steve takes another deep breath through his nose. “What if this doesn’t work? What if I’m doing all of this for nothing?”

“You’re not,” he says pointedly. “Even if this doesn’t work out, it shows that you tried. That you care about her. Trust me, that means so much more than you realize. For both her and for the social worker. The courts might think differently if you want to take this further, but for temporary, you’re good. Ok?”

He meets Eddie’s eyes, immediately feeling the pull in them. “Ok,” he says, feeling himself start to get lost.

It takes a lot for Steve to let himself go around people, to put down his guard. But here in this moment, he would give it every single time just to get Eddie to look at him like this again. Just pure care in his eyes, gazing over Steve’s face to make sure everything’s ok. Wanting nothing more to this moment then to make sure he’s ok.

“What if everyone leaves me?” Steve whispers his fears so silently he hopes Eddie doesn’t hear. “Robin and the kids will head off to school. Julie will eventually too. And you’re never going to stay in this town. I’ll be all alone again.”

Eddie’s eyes meet Steve’s again and he lets out all the breath in his lungs. Just taken away by the simple beauty of Eddie’s face. He reaches up gently slides his hand across Steve’s neck, just barely cupping his chin. Steve leans into the touch, letting the warmth of Eddie’s hand ground him.

“I’m not leaving, not without you. Neither is Robin, and the kids will always come back. All of them will.”

Steve grabs Eddie’s wrist and holds his hand in place, letting himself sit in this moment. How he ever let himself say no to having this sooner, he doesn’t know. Because in this moment, there’s nothing more he wants then to lean in and capture Eddie’s lips with his. Take back everything he’s said and just dive in headfirst.

When Eddie’s eyes flick down to his lips just slightly, it makes it a million times harder for Steve to want to pull away. But he has to. This is the wrong time, there are things to do, he almost just went into a panic attack. Everything wants to stop him, but he can’t seem to listen to it. Slowly, he starts to lean in.

“Yo, dingus one and dingus 2, I can’t clean a house by myself,” Robin yells from behind the door, breaking the moment.

Steve pulls back, clearing his throat. “We’re coming, calm down.”

Before he can pull his hand away from Eddie’s, a small kiss is placed to the back of it. Warmth enveloping his hand before the coldness washes it all away when they let go. Soon, Steve promises. Soon he’ll be ready for this.

. . .

Julie is waiting in line at lunch when Dustin walks up to her. She rolls her eyes, ready to walk away before he can get in another line of questioning.

“Hi,” he states cheerily, with a stupid smile.

“Hi,” she responds crossly, hoping that it will show him that she’s not in the mood.

Dustin seems unaffected, continuing to follow her through the lunch line. “So, about a few days ago-.”

“It’s fine,” she cuts him off. “You were just curious about your friend. It’s fine.” Julie picks the last of her food and heads over to her usual table.

“I wanted to apologize,” Dustin follows. “I acted like a jerk, and I wanted to say that I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

She sets her tray down on the table and looks at him. A sheepish expression paints his face, and an awkward stance almost as if he wants her to ask him to sit.

“I forgive you,” she says, taking a seat.

“Good,” he says, still standing there.

After their last meeting, he can’t think that she would have invited him to sit with her almost immediately after the apology. It took him a few days just to give it to her anyway, it’s not like she’s that hard to find. But then he was close to Steve, so she should at least try to get to know him. If everything is going to work out the way that they hope, Julie will be seeing a lot of him, and the other kids that he looks after.

“Is there anything else?”

“It’s just,” Dustin sits, without an invitation. “I can’t wrap my head around the idea of Steve having a sister.”

Julie stabs at her food. “Well, it’s true. Living proof right here.”

“No, yeah. I get that. I’ve just always known Steve to be an only child, like me. And now he’s not.”

“If it makes you feel better, he still kind of is. Our dad would rather pretend like I don’t exist.”

“So, you share a dad then?”

Julie stares across the table, “Really? You just apologized for the uncomfortable questions.”

Dustin squints his eyes again, before smiling. “I like you. Let’s start over. Dustin Henderson,” he extends his hand across the table. “Pseudo brother of Steve Harrington.”

“Julie Lawson,” she takes his hand warily and shakes it. “Half-sister of Steve Harrington.”

“That is still so weird,” he says, starting to eat his food.

. . .

“Harrington residence,” Steve mutters through the phone, filing through the mail as he does.

“Can you explain to me why your mother got a phone call last week about a job application of yours?” Richard Harrington speaks through the phone.

Steve’s body straightens on instinct with the voice, trained to present himself the best as possible. His mind races back to the resume he gave Keith, a revised one that he had applied with originally. But he forgot to take his mom off of the reference list when he added Hopper and Joyce. Her name was still there front and center.

“I had applied to be a manager at the video store I’m working at now. One is leaving and I thought I could take their spot.”

His father sighs through the phone. “Wishful thinking, Steven. You won’t just get jobs because you think you can take them. You must work hard for them.”

Steve’s mouth dries. “Well, I got the job. So, I must have worked hard enough for it.”

“Like you would know the meaning of hard work,” Richard chastises without missing a beat. “You didn’t even have to have a college degree to get this job. Those careers are never real hard work.”

Thoughts race in his mind but never reach the front for him to actually say them. His father doesn’t know how hard Steve’s works. Doesn’t know how much pain he’s been through. The thought hasn’t even crossed his mind that there are other things important in life other than work. Other than money.

But his dad will never understand. Never understand how much he’s truly failed in life. How much he’s failed Steve. So, Steve’s stays silent, like he always does.

“I thought you wanted me to understand the meaning behind hard work. That is what I am doing?”

“But for how long, Steven. How long are you going to go around and play the charade as if you are not a Harrington. You have a responsibility to me. To the family. Some day you are going to have to wake up and start your life, and we are not going to wait around forever for you to decide when that day is coming.”

Like you were ever here in the first place, Steve wants to say, but the words get stuck in his throat.

“Every time I think you have started to grow up you prove me wrong. You are still a child, Steven, and an immature one at that. Stop pretending that what you do doesn’t mean anything. Apply to schools again and get in this time. Get a real job, one that looks good on the family. We have a legacy that needs protecting, and you’re ruining it.”

Richard hangs up the phone before Steve can get a single word in.

He stands there for a few minutes, the buzzing from the phone line filling his ear. Stuck in the hopeless, fearful stance that happens after every phone call, every conversation. Every thought of his father that he has ever had.

Eventually, he hangs up the line. Eventually, he places his forehead against the wall and closes his eyes, letting them fill with tears. Letting them roll down his cheeks.

It took years for Steve to understand what he was meant to do and what he wanted to do. And even longer to understand that his father will never love him unless he did what he was meant to do. But every time he tried, he failed. Every time he did what he was told, what was planned, it never worked. It was never enough.

When the schools rejected him, he got a part time job. When Nancy and him ended, he went on the scheduled dates. When the world fucking ended and they weren’t here to witness it, he recovered in seclusion so nobody else would know. For his father. Always for his father and his fucking reputation. But it was never enough.

“You were never here,” Steve whispers to the wall. “You are never here.”

He stands straight again, taking a step back. Staring straight at the phone that his father spoke through however long ago.

“You don’t even know me.”

How can a parent know a child they didn’t even raise? How is a child supposed to live knowing their parents don’t love them? Questions with answers Steve’s been forced to answer. Questions that should have never even be asked.

Steve turns around to face the only family picture in the entire house. A professional taken when Steve was a child. His young face, innocent to what is to come, sits on his mother’s lap. All while his father looms in the background, standing behind them both, a hand on his mother’s shoulder.

“You know nothing about me,” Steve yells. “You have never stayed long enough to try. Not even once.”

Tears are streaming down his face, clouding his vision. His breath picks up, stuttering with sobs.

“I’m not ruining anything. You are the one ruining it. I have seen more than you can possibly imagine, and you call me immature. At least I wouldn’t cheat on my wife. At least I wouldn’t have another fucking kid and hide it from the world. Because I own up to my mistakes, I change. Despite you.”

Despite. Steve has become the person he is without his father’s influence. His proudest accomplishment. He has become the exact opposite of the man who he was supposed to be a clone of.

“Despite you,” he continues. “I found people who care about me. I’ve fought monsters, I’ve saved lives. Can you say the same? I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown into a person that I actually like instead of hate. Because I hated myself when I was trying to act like you. And if you were actually here to see it, you would hate who’ve I’ve become. Because despite of you, I’ve become a better person that you could have ever hoped for me to be.”

Something heals itself inside of Steve. Something retreats. The little boy who he once was smiles at him, knowing that what he says is true.

Richard Harrington may have never stayed long enough to know his son. But that meant that his son never got to know anything about his father other than fear and disappointment. And through that disappointment, he grew. And there’s no turning back.

. . .

When Julie walks through the front door of Steve’s house, the lights are dark. It shouldn’t be surprising, she’s been there when he’s at work, but there’s mail on the hallway floor. She picks it up, stacking it gently on the hall table and continues through.

“Steve,” she calls out, walking into the living room. He’s sitting there in the dark, his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his hands. “Shit, sorry. Do you have a migraine, I can leave.”

“No,” he says, lowering his hands, sitting up. “You’re fine.”

Something’s off. Steve’s hair is disheveled and there is slight redness around his eyes. A part of her wants to leave, let him be alone. He clearly was having some sort of moment. But when she thinks of this empty house, how empty it feels, she can’t leave him to it alone.

“Are you ok?” she asks quietly.

Steve scoffs, looking the other direction and shaking his head. “I’ve been better.”

She racks her brain of ways that her mom used to comfort her. The many things that failed, and how even when she tried her hardest, the sadness was still there. Talking about it always helped, though. Just to get the pain out of your system and have another person listen to it. For someone else to know your pain, for someone else to listen that it’s there.

It was never a lot, but it was something.

Julie walks over to the couch and sits on the cushion next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Steve takes a moment before he finally says, “I know you probably got a lot of shit for not knowing your dad, and I know you probably wished you did on some level. But God am I jealous of you for never meeting him.”

“Is he really that bad?”

Steve leans back on the couch and crosses his arms, looking at the ceiling. “Yeah. But it’s more of the fact that I’ve never seen him long enough to know if he was any good.”

There was another thing that sometimes helped when she was feeling down. Similarities. People who could relate to her situation. Show that she wasn’t alone in the way she felt.

And while she couldn’t say that she knows exactly how Steve feels, but she can relate in her own way.

“When I was little,” she starts, “like really young, I would always ask when my dad would come home. When he would finally meet me. For a while, my mom would lie and tell me that my dad was in the army oversees, and that’s why he wasn’t around. And on Christmas, there would always be a gift that was from him. That was the most special present every year, because I could bring it in and prove to the other kids, to prove to myself, that I had a dad that loved me.”

She pauses, thinking back to the gifts that little her would line on her dresser. One for each year, each more special than the last. She would sit and stare at them, praying for a day where her dad would give them to her himself. Once she got older, the spell was broken. The lies were unraveled, and her world was shattered.

“Of course, I didn’t know they were really from my mom at the time. When I found out, I took everything that I thought was from him and put it in a box and went straight out to the dumpster. I wanted to throw them out, cry over the child that believed so hard for something that was never there. But I didn’t. After the lies faded, they were still gifts from one of my parents, it just happened to be my mom.”

The box still sat in her room for years later. Gifts that she couldn’t bear to give away, because it just proved how much her mom loved her. She pretended every year that Julie’s father was still around, just to give her daughter a sense of normalcy. Julie never appreciated it at the time, not until it was too late.

“I guess I’m trying to say that there’s sometimes a little good that comes from the bad. My dad was never around, and after a while, I didn’t want him to be. But my mom was. And those presents made me appreciate her more that she was.”

When she looks over at Steve, he’s looking back at her with a thoughtful look on his face. “She sounded great.”

She looks away from Steve for fear of crying.  “She was.”

“I’m sorry you lost her, I don’t think I ever said that.”

Julie has become so used to people saying sorry that the words don’t even affect her that much anymore. Not like they did a month ago. Everyone is sorry, but there’s nothing anyone can to do fix it.

“What’s your good?” she looks back at him.

Steve sighs, taking a moment to think. “Younger me would always wonder why he was never around, why he was never the one who raised me. But looking back, I’m sort of glad he didn’t. That way I turned out to be a better person than he was. He couldn’t raise me to be just like him. Even if he still tries.”

“Is that why all the lights are off, because he’s trying to?”

“Yeah, got a phone call from him today. Told me I was a disappointment because I got the manager job at Family Video.”

Julie sits up. “Oh my god. You got it. That’s great.”

“Not for him and his stupid legacy,” Steve grumbles, repeating what she can assume are his father’s own words.

“Forget him,” She insists. “This isn’t about him, it’s about you. You wanted the job, right?”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah. I did.”

“Then be proud of it. You got what you wanted. Not because of him, because of you. You did that. Own it.”

He smiles. “I guess I did do that.”

“Not guess, did.”

“Whatever,” he laughs, the mood in the room shifting. “Thank you.”

She shrugs, “What are no longer estranged siblings for?”

He snorts. “Cheering each other up about their same shitty dad, apparently.”

“Yeah, apparently.”

. . .

“Well, I think I’ve seen all of the house that I need to,” Sarah concludes, crossing something off on the clipboard she’s carrying. “There is just one more interview that we need to do.”

A slight weight lifts off Steve’s chest, just a slight one. The house inspection has been one of the most nerve-racking things in his life. Someone going through every room in his house and asking questions about the most random things. Looking at his life in one of the most personal ways possible.

“Ok,” Steve responds. “We can head to the kitchen if you’d like.”

Sarah nods and follows him to the kitchen, getting herself ready at the table.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Steve offers. She politely declines.

He sits across from her as she pulls out a file. Glancing quickly at the name and seeing his own across the tab. Papers filled with information about him. He doesn’t know how much she can get before he turned eighteen, but there was plenty past then that he hopes she has no access to.

The NDAs he’s had to sign especially. He might be legally required not to talk about them, but the fact that he has them at all could be concerning. But those records would be sealed, right?

“So, Steve, you live in this house alone?”

“For the most part. My parents also live here but haven’t been back in at least a year and a half.”

He remembers that because they showed up for his graduation. Most kids went out to dinner to celebrate the day. Steve had to sit through a lecture on how he was going to fix the fact that he didn’t get into any colleges.

She nods and glances over the papers in front of her again. Each second without a question making his pulse speed up.

“That’s a long time to be away from the house. Do you take care of all the needs while they are away?”

Steve nods. “Yes. I have been given the rights to upkeep the house. So, paying all of the bills on time, making necessary purchases, making sure everything is up to date and replacing anything that isn’t.”

“And how long have you been doing that?”

He has the strong urge to lie but thinks that could be dangerous. But what is worse, saying that he’s only been doing it for two years, or since he was sixteen.

“I started to take over some of these responsibilities when I was sixteen. But that was mostly the financial stuff. Other normal chores I’ve been doing for longer.”

Sarah makes an almost startled look before writing something down in her notes, flipping to the next page before continuing her questions. Asking how long his parents would normally be away. If there was any change they would come home in the near future. How frequent these trips were and when did they start.

“What I am getting here is you know the financials and other necessities of keeping a good house very well, Steve,” she says with a hint of concern. “Even before you became a legal adult.”

If she only knows the things he’s done, the things he’s seen before becoming a legal adult. “Yes, that’s true.”

“Alright, let’s move on to the rest of the basic questions.”

She asks him if there are any weapons in the house. Basic safety questions to ensure that the house is fit. Then moves on to asking about him. When he graduated high school, where he works. What he likes to do in his free time. What his strengths and weaknesses are. General interview questions to get a better assessment of his personal life.

“You’re doing fine, Steve. You can calm down,” she jokes, marking one last thing before moving on to the last question.

He laughs. “Was it that obvious?”

She nods. “It always is. I just have a few more questions for you and I will leave you be.”

“Alright,” he rubs his palms gently against his jeans.

“Why do you think you would be the right placement for Julie?” She asks it with a smile, trying to make him feel safe but her words only making him panic.

He takes a moment to settle himself, try to think of what to say without it being jumbled. All the reasons seem obvious but not enough. To get her out of a house she hates. To give her a home where she feels safe. Be able to help get her through the rest of her schooling and help her go to the college she wants. Support her through the rest of her life, even if it isn’t permanent.

To finally be able to have the family he’s always wanted.

“I want her to be able to have a home that she feels safe coming home to. For her to have somewhere that feels like a home, that feels like a family. When we first met, I didn’t know what was going to come of it. But I knew I wanted to help her.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out the best way to put it.

“My father is a difficult man. He’s done a lot of things in his life that I don’t approve of, or would repeat. And I couldn’t help but think that I had to help her. She was a victim of his mistakes, something I knew how to manage. So, I got to know her. I reached out and waited for her to make the decision if she wanted to get to know me. And she did.”

Steve thinks back to the first few moments of meeting her. The sorrow for him in her eyes that came with the information she’d given him. Not even realizing that she’d given him the one thing he’s begged for since he was little. A sibling. He’d be stupid not to try to get to know her.

“I know I’m not what you normally see when it comes to potential guardians. And I know that there are people that are going to tell you that this is a bad idea. You might even think it yourself, without them telling you. But I care about Julie, and I want to make sure she’s in a house that can provide for her. That loves her. And if I’m not the best fit for it, if there’s someone better, I’m not going to stop it. But she seems to really like it here, she comes over almost every day. And it might just be because she doesn’t like that other house, but I can’t help but think that she likes it here. That she feels comfortable with me.”

Sarah places down her pen and looks at him, fully paying attention to what he is saying. It only makes him feel like he’s saying the right thing.

“All I want is to make sure she’s taken care of. That she’s getting what she needs to survive through this change. I want to be there for her while she grieves her mom. Even though she tries to hide how bad it is. I want to make sure that she can go to the college she wants to. I want to make sure that she’s happy. And even if you tell me this isn’t possibly, that I’m not the right fit for her. I’m still going to be there for her, because I want to be her family. Whatever that means for us.”

All Sarah does is smile and close the file in front of her. “I think that answered the rest of the questions I had for you. You did very well.”

“Thank you,” he sighs in relief. “When will I figure out your decision.”

“Well, I have one last interview to do with Julie, but soon. We’re moving quicker than normal as the state of that house she’s currently placed in is not meeting my standard. They won’t be fostering for us anymore after this,” she adds as if she isn’t supposed to tell him. “You should be hearing from me within the next week or so.”

Only a few more days until he figures out if this was all for nothing.

“Thank you, for even considering this,” he says while walking her out.

“It is always a priority for me to look at family members, especially those who care as much as you do.” She holds out her hand and he shakes it. “It was a pleasure meeting with you again, Steve.”

With that, she walks out the door and the inspection ends. Leaving him with what feels like misplaced hope starting to flutter in his chest. He might have actually pulled this off. Just might.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #julie lawson #dustin henderson #lost sibling fic #secret sibling #steve has a sibling #steve has a sister #tw minor panic attack #cw minor panic attack #stranger things fanfic #fanfic

[carcarcraziiv2]

Hi! Oh, it's so good that I came across your blog! I would like to make a request. Kayn & Younger Sister!Reader. And the situation is like this. Reader is a teenager of sixteen and she has already graduated from high school. She's enrolled in college, but she'll have to move into a dorm. She begins to worry wildly, because she is afraid that she will not be accepted by completely new people for her, and also that she will be lonely and bored because Kayn is not around. You can even add scenes where Reader already lives in a dorm and communicates with Kayn via video link (for Kayn, this is a means to make sure that his sister is okay). Thank you very much!

Yay! I'm glad you came across my blog too!

I love this idea. I feel like Kayn would be an exceptional big brother 🥹. Lowkey winging it cuz I am an oooonly child hehe.

Here we go! I hope you enjoy!

P.S. Sorry it's kind of short, but I hope you like it anyway!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The days just keep getting more stressful.

At least that's what you thought- you hadn't even began packing for your move in date to the university dorms. At only sixteen you were going to be the youngest one in the sorority, and you weren't sure how the other girls were going to react to you.

As you walked into your room with a few empty boxes in hand, you sighed at the mess on the floor. You had been so busy with celebrating your graduation from high school and your scholarship that you hadn't had time to do anything- much less clean.

You were grateful that your big brother was home for the holidays, as he was helping a lot with the upkeep of the house while your parents were constantly off working.

Feeling defeated, you let yourself crumple to the floor, landing hard on your knees which only made you feel more frustrated. You tossed the boxes blindly, causing them to crash into a few items on your bookshelf- of course it did.

Reaching up to cover your eyes, you let out a pathetic sob before completely falling into belligerence. You were a heaving, snotty mess on the floor with no hope as to how to ease the anxiety coursing through your veins.

What if the girls don't like me?

What if the professors think I'm too young to be in college?

What about Kayn? Will he miss me? Will we even get to hangout anymore?

You trembled at the thought of not being able to see your brother. He was your rock, especially in tough situations. Even now, he was so busy with his band all of the time you hardly got to see him. With you going to college, you were certain there was no hope at all.

Soft footsteps patting towards you caused you to jerk your head up and quickly wipe away your tears and running nose.

"Oh, hey Kayn. I had something in my eye," you blurt out, smiling slightly as you quickly avert your gaze from his prying one. He leaned down in a squat to your level, grabbing your chin with his fingers and forcing you to look at him.

"What's wrong? Do I need to kick someone's ass?" He says, studying your face. You sniffle and shake your head slightly in response, trying really hard not to cry again. "Then what's wrong, kid?"

"I- I'm just really worried about going to school. What if people don't like me? What if I fail or what if the professors don't think I am good enough?"

"What?! You? Not enough?! And there is literally no way that people aren't going to like you. Either way, I'm always one call away from coming to back you up. You know that, right?" Kayn smiles at you kindly, standing and reaching his hand out for you to take to stand.

"Thanks, Kayn. Love you."

"Love you too sis."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Three Weeks Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hi, I'm Y/N," You sheepishly reach out your hand toward your new dorm mate while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

"Hi! I'm Sarah. It's great to meet you! I am so excited to be your roommate!" Sarah, the short red headed girl in front of you, grabs your hand and pulls you in for a hug. "I think we are going to have a lot of fun together. Come in, let's compare classes!"

The first week was a breeze, meeting a lot of new people and luckily finding your professors eager to have a younger student in their midst.

This particular day was a Friday, and during your last class your roommate texted you.

Hey, Y/N! Come to the rec center after class, I wanna show you something!

You raised your brow in confusion, texting her back hesitantly.

Should I be worried?

Hahaha, of course not! See you theeeere!

The rest of the class was hard to focus on, as your thoughts kept drifting back to whatever your roommate could possibly be doing. She has been very nice to you since the beginning, but you couldn't help but to worry that she was doing something shady.

After class you quickly dropped your books off at your room and headed to the rec hall. It wasn't too far, about a fifteen-minute walk from the building you lived in.

The door to the hall was closed, which was unusual especially for a Friday. You quickly looked at your phone to make sure this is in fact the place that she said to go to, and after confirming you reached forward and slowly pushed open the door.

You would hit with a sudden burst of light, then a loud booming sound. You flinched, throwing your hands in front of your face.

"What the..." You started but were quickly interrupted by a group of shouting people.

"SUPRISEEEE!"

You jumped back, staring at the crowd in front of you while trying to make sense of it all.

Before you the tables were all decorated, multicolor balloons drifting from their tops. Above it all, ribbons hung from the ceiling, a big white banner in the center reading "Congratulations Y/N!".

Amidst it all you saw Kayn, his band, your mom and dad, and your roommate Sarah.

Your burst into tears.

In the short time you had been in college, you hadn't had any time to think about how much you truly missed all of them. Kayn, especially, as you hadn't had time to even consider grabbing your phone and calling them.

"Hey, hey now," You hear Kayn's voice beside you, a gentle hand rubbing your back. "Surprised?"

You nodded and lifted your head, wiping away your tears as you gripped him in a tight hug. "What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Well, we realized we never really gave you an 'officially started college' party and thought we should probably do that. Plus, I missed my little sister!" He smiled, pulling away and dragging you towards everyone else.

Smiling, you enjoyed your evening, grateful for the best brother in the world. He always reminded you that everything was going to be okay, and he was always right.

#Heartsteel x sister reader #Heartsteel Kayn #Heartsteel x reader #Heartsteel Kayn x Reader

[halliescomut]

To Bang Chan: Social Path M/V Breakdown

Ok, so I wasn't doing this in an effort to write a 3 page essay about the MV for Social Path as Bang Chan instructed, I was just genuinely engrossed with the messaging and visuals that I wanted to talk about it, & then we ended up here.

Alright, so this is going to be me talking through what I was feeling/gleaning from both the lyrics and the visuals for Social Path…

TW: Self Harm and/or suicide (spoken about very delicately, but it's there), anxiety, depression.

First for context: PBP mean Paper Bag Posse and refers to the people with paper bags on their heads throughout the video.

I am using Sweater -- , Post Apocalyptic --, and Red -- to refer to the different wardrobes worn by the Kids throughout the video.

Sweater Kids

Red Kids (Yes, I know not ALL of them are in red, but it’s most and it’s fine.

Post Apocalyptic Kids (abbreviated on PA Kids)

If we are going to create an overarching story…here’s what I see. Sweater Kids are trapped somewhere with the nameless/faceless PBP. The Red Kids come for them, and as the PA Kids they find LiSA and stand together at the end.

As far as the symbolism of the PBP, I think their faceless-ness is entirely intentional, they can be anything and anyone.

Watching Sweater Hyunjin’s story specifically through the video, it made me think of faceless accounts online, antis leaving hateful and hurtful messages, and we start with Sweater Hyunjin just sitting on the bed, the PBP is there, they’re watching him. Then when we return, they’ve come in closer, fully invading his space, even putting hands on him, and he’s afraid, he makes himself small in the face of all of these figures.

Later, when he’s pushing through them, he’s not afraid anymore, if anything I’d say he’s angry. It very much reminded me of the feeling I had when we got the choreo video for Play with Fire. How that was one of the first things we saw after his hiatus. And that performance to me has such a feeling of anger but also defiance and determination, and that’s the same emotion I’m seeing in the final scene for Sweater Hyunjin.

Sweater Changbin, it’s really interesting, because he only appears in the sweater for one scene, almost completely un-cut. He’s tossing and turning from a nightmare, is shocked awake by either the nightmare or the storm outside, it’s ambiguous, but the small flash of nightmare we see is these grabbing hands. He moves from the bed to the window, watching the storm, which combined with the lyrics of the sun rising tomorrow, kind of gives the feeling of him saying I can weather this storm.

Sweater Han also only appears in one portion of the video, during which he is in the mirrored room. He’s also chained, unlike IN who is the only other KID to appear in the mirrored room. We’ve seen the sort of glass case before, in Lonely Street, when Hyunjin is actually inside of it, and Felix outside. In that video it’s an image that gives this heartbreaking sense of isolation and being lost (astray), which is then multiplied when you realize Felix is actively seeking Hyunjin, but unable to find him. This idea of being so close yet so far.

But it’s different here with Han. His emotions here, there’s fear, there’s confusion, even sadness.

I do think it’s particularly interesting that Changbin and Han are the only ones we don’t see with the PBP, which I think is interesting. It almost to me indicates that their ‘enemy’ isn’t other people. For Changbin, this idea combined with interviews and things in the past, makes me think of how he’s talked about how he can get stuck in the dark thoughts of his own mind.  That while he tends to be quite silly sometimes, his solitary thoughts do tend towards darkness, and that’s part of why he often finds himself with the other Kids, because that helps to pull his mind away from those things. With Han, it’s a similar vibe, less that his mind is a place of temporary fear (like Changbin’s nightmare) but more that it can be a prison.

One that keeps him stuck in multiple ways even, both being inside the mirrored space itself, and also being chained.  In terms of him being in the mirrored room, a space where he sees himself no matter where he looks, it feels like being forced to perceive your true self, and it’s a contrast to IN inside the mirrored room, which we’ll circle back to.

Next, I’m going to talk a bit about Sweater Lee Know. We find him, again surrounded by the PBP, on the bed, and they’re all sort of holding him aloft. And as we watch we see them reaching their hands over the edges of the bed, reaching for him.  It comes to a point where the last shot we see of Sweater Leeknow, he has made himself small as well, wrapping his arms around he’s knees, and sort of pulling away from all the edges of the bed.

Now since his scenes are intercut with Hyunjin’s and even Seungmin’s I get the vibe that the PBP here could be faceless internet people, but the holding him aloft thing….that makes me think of holding him on a pedestal, like putting him out of reach in a way. It’s sort of a new layer of isolation. But the other thought I had, especially with the context that much of the lyrics were reflections on their trainee days, was that what if these were trainees as well, not the other Kids, but just other trainees at JYPE. I’ve talked some before about how I think Lee Know’s age combined with his previous experience as a professional dancer set him apart as a trainee. Now this sounds positive, and is in many ways, but being set apart because of your talent or skill level is also quite isolating. I’ve also talked about how I think his skill and experience as a dancer also led to higher expectations in other areas (vocals/rap), leading to greater stress when those things didn’t come as easily as dance. I also don’t think those expectations were all external, I think Lee Know himself was often holding himself to a standard far higher than was reasonable based on the time he was given to learn these new aspects of being an idol. While I maintain that his elimination was essentially done for views, that doesn’t stand in opposition to the understanding that he had nowhere near the amount of practice time or past experience of the others in terms of his vocals/rap, but where he needed to be given grace, instead he was eliminated.

Next is Sweater Seungmin. Like Hyunjin I think he has one of the bigger arcs we see in the story of the MV. When we first see him he’s fleeing the PBP, it’s very frantic, they’re in a small hallway that feels almost claustrophobic.

When we come back to Seungmin, he’s calm. The PBP have caught up with him and surrounded him, but he’s not making attempts to break out, he’s simply standing. They’re also not reaching for him anymore, seemingly satisfied that he’s been ‘caught.’ Now I would almost think something along the lines of ‘music soothes the savage beast’ and Seungmin’s angelic voice is enough to stop the PBP in their tracks, but what I really kind of feel in the moment is more akin to him no longer caring. His casual stance, the hands in the pockets, it’s not just “I’m no longer afraid” it’s “You have no power here”.

It’s a similar idea to what we see with Hyunjin, but where Hyunjin fights back with this sort of passionate fire, Seungmin has instead employed this cold disinterest. In terms of how this relates to Seungmin’s own journey as a Stray Kid, one of the observations I’ve made and seen over the past year or so is Seungmin’s increased confidence. I think he’s always had a level of confidence in his singing abilities, though even in the SS we saw him actively working to improve the way he brought emotion into the lyrics of their songs, making his performance not just technically perfect, but also emotionally touching. This is a skill he’s been complimented on by many, including very notably Changbin. But his own, sort of individualized confidence as Seungmin the person, I think has been building over the last 5 years as he’s matured and he’s very much come to stand as his own man in the last year or so.

IN…Oh, IN is so fascinating in this MV. He’s always slightly different from the other Kids. Firstly, while everyone else shows this fear of the PBP, Sweater IN never does. When we first see him, they're in the corridor again, but IN is completely still. The PBP walk around him, practically not noticing him at all.

When we see him again, he’s crouched, then begins to stand, reaching up to a light. Around him are more PBP, sort of moving closer to him, but still there’s no fear, his movements are calm, fluid.

Where we've see Han in the mirrored space, IN is there as well, but it’s not Sweater IN, it’s PA IN. And again there’s no expressions of fear, and what makes this interesting, is that if the mirrored space is meant to sort of convey this idea of being stuck in your own mind, of having to truly perceive yourself, IN is able to do that without distress.

When you take his actions that are a direct opposite to every other Kid in the MV and combine it with the lyrics he repeats…it tells an interesting story. “They’re making me laugh, it’s so loud. Waking the demon that’s hiding inside.” Now in SKZ lore there’s always been some interesting things going on with IN, whether he’s a villain, or has ulterior motives of some sort. And even outside of the LORE, he’s frequently used as this unassuming but dangerous thing. The most direct example of this being the Freeze MV story, where we find out that IN is in fact the sort of villainous mob boss that they were tracking, and he had infiltrated them. But what makes me pause, especially with the lyrics, especially with IN’s behavior in the MV, is the sort of context we often hear the word demon in in regard to Stray Kids. So, my immediate thought was a clip from Chan’s room, where he says “be proud of that little demon inside you” but it also brings to mind the concepts for maniac about how we often keep our true selves hidden for fear of reprisal. So with IN, I feel like we’re almost meant to feel like he’s become one with himself, he’s sort of reached this level of self-actualization, he’s not afraid to be his true self, so why should he fear these faceless crowds, or looking himself in the mirror?

Channie, oh Channie, this one…it’s affecting, I’ll give you that. So, Sweater Chan’s story seems the most confusing to me. The first clips are of Chan floating in just this dark void, then we find him running from the PBP, who catch up to him eventually, pushing him against a wall and many of their hands coming to his throat. When we find him again, he’s in the red-shaded room, surrounded by the PBP and he’s like starting to float up.

So, the question is: him floating above the PBP, does it circle back to him floating in the black void, or are they separate things? I lean towards separate, since we also get a small glimpse of Chan sort of jerking awake form a nightmare. It sort of feels to me like these are almost a series of nightmare situations. We have total isolation, Chan alone in darkness. We also have Chan sort of floating up and away, and if we stick with his theory of the PBP can be anyone, I almost sort of feel like in that moment they’re trainees again, and this is debuting. But where it should be joyous, it’s reminiscent of death scenes in film, where a soul ascends to a new life, perhaps the death of youth as one moves towards the future? Moving back to the Chan that’s being chased, I’m certain there’s significance to the idea and the visual of all of these hands coming up to his neck, and we have a couple potential options.

In this moment, I almost feel like we’re back to the faceless strangers with the PBP, and that this is perhaps suffocation, but something that kept niggling at my brain was the lyrics “еverуоne keeps turnіng mе down.” It’s incredibly common for all of 3racha to create lyrics that can be perceived in a myriad of ways, and while interpreting this phrase through a lense of social interaction, you think ‘turning down’ as in not wanting to date, be friends, hang out, etc. Turning down the opportunity of your company.  But looking at it from the perspective of a musician, it makes me think of turning down the volume, essentially silencing them. And that’s kind of the visual I get here as well, Chan being silenced, or feeling unable to speak, in the ‘face’ of the PBP.

Finally, we have Sweater Felix. We start off with Felix in the bed, just sitting in the center, and while he does, the PBP is surrounding him, but they’re not still, not like they were with Hyunjin.

Here we see something like a timelapse, and Felix is still, but the PBP has people moving in and out of frame around him, which I actually didn’t really notice my first several watches, it wasn’t until I started editing the video to sort of make individual stories that I saw it. And what it brings to my mind is the zoo, like Felix is an exhibit, sitting perfectly while people come and observe and leave. It gives the feeling again of that isolation, but also captivity. When it cuts back to Felix, he’s now standing on the bed (literally taking a stand) and, we hear the lyrics “Them voices in my heаd again, I gоtta shakе ’em off now”. What I particularly find concerning is that when we return to Felix the third time, he now has the angel wings, and the lyrics now are “No way back to the past”.

Now we know that none of 3racha, or really any of the Kids shy away from talking about deep topics, they work hard to put them into their mainstream songs, but even beyond that they tackle very complex and potentially dark topics in things like the SKZ-Records where they have a lot more creative freedom. So, I don’t find it outside of the realm of possibility that the Sweater Felix scenes could refer to instances of people going to extremes to escape negative voices, and it’s not the first instance we see of Felix being representative of such ideas, there’s a similar visual metaphor in Lonely Street, of Felix holding a finger gun to his head before turning it on his shadow.

And the reference to voices could mean negative voices like depression, when we say the PBP can be anyone/anything, it could be ‘Felix’ under all those bags, a concept Stray Kids has touched on before in their song Voices. But it also could mean negative voices coming from other people, things like bullying, and with the facelessness aspect of the PBP, things like cyberbullying. These are issues which everyday people deal with, but are also rampant in the KPop space, not just for Stray Kids, but for all Idol groups.

I will be back with a second portion, I'm out of images :) per Tumblr post rules.

#Social Path #Social Path Stray Kids #LiSA #Bang Chan #Lee Know #Changbin #Hyunjin #Han Jisung #Felix #Seungmin #Jeongin #Stray Kids Stay #Social Path MV Analysis #Music Video Analysis

[bvannn]

Weekly Update April 19, 2024

I had more lingering sickness from the last surgery this week. I'm pretty sure that's what it was since it went away after I took my medicine, although I'm still messed up and exhausted from all my schoolwork, though. Haven't got a whole lot done as a result, but I made some progress.

Most of what I did was on music projects, which I've decided to start referring to by their initials in these updates so they can be differentiated from one another, but they aren't completely spoiled either. OEB was the cover I got done a while ago, and I've been chipping away at the music video for that, which is 16% storyboarded. Also finished up another cover I had been working on, WOTW, which I'd like to do an animation for as well, albeit a shorter and simpler one. This means I'm sitting on 4 songs I can't release for a while, because those two need visuals, and the two originals, BMBO and BATB, still need lyrics. I did progress on lyrics for BATB this week, and I've been upset for the same reasons that prompted me to write BMBO in the first place today as well so I'll try to take another bite out of that one, too. BMBO is 33% done with lyrics right now, BATB is like, 45%. Both a ways out but if I sit down and focus they'll get done quick, that's how I was able to finish WOTW as fast as I was. A couple instrumental themes are in progress too, I've been having fun just sitting down and writing melodies, but I don't think I need to work on those for a while anyway because I want to focus more on my comic once I'm able.

Oh yeah the comic. I haven't had much chance to work on it myself because I've been sick and playing piano helps my heart rate, so I've been doing that instead. Right now comic pages are 7% done, I am bottlenecked on drawing backgrounds because I really don't feel like it with my workload, but if I get more free time I'd like to just pound out another page's worth. It's mostly a time issue right now, but hopefully I can get some rest, and finish up page 3 soon.

I also haven't had the chance to do anything else. I apologize for posting so many low effort sketches, I hope I'll be able to have time to make a real drawing soon, but for now I'm focusing on schoolwork above all else. I'll do schoolwork for now, but normal classes are done after next week, finals shouldn't be too bad, and I'll be able to just unload on animation and comic after I get some rest. I've been in a pretty bad headspace as well due to being sick and all the work, so I've been trying to post more small drawings to still have something to show, since interaction makes me feel less lonely, but it seems like you guys are getting tired of it, which is fair. I'm going to try to lay off for a while, and if I have time to make a real drawing I will, but it's unlikely. Thank you for being patient, I'm almost through the worst of it!

#weekly update

[damn-it-a-hogwarts-legacy-blog]

Hey there! I absolutely love your headcanons and theories and your thoughts about the HL boys, especially Ominis. You mentioned that most of the other students are afraid and wary of Ominis due to him being a Gaunt. But what about the people who wants to befriend him but are also too afraid to say anything? Do you think he has secret admirers? What about him, do you think he has a crush on someone?

Also, since he's clearly in a family culture of arranged marriages (inbreeding and marrying close cousins), do you think he thinks of his own marriage in the future, or not? Thanks so much!

TEEHEE I adore asks like this, thank you, lovely anon! I’m so happy you like my thoughts on these things 💚

Oh man I bet there are plenty of people who would love to befriend Ominis! There are random NPCs who show some interest in befriending him and even say he’s nice. I imagine many of them don’t approach him because they don’t know how or are afraid that they’ll be the subject of rumors about associating with dark wizards.

Because I am a chronic shipper, I think there are plenty of possibilities for who he might be crushing on. MC is always a favorite, since they show absolutely no fear/judgement when meeting him. Sebastian is another I could definitely see, just because they’re so close. It would be so so adorable if Ominis had a crush on Sebastian. And a less common one is definitely Anne. We don’t really see them interact too much so it’s hard to say what their chemistry is even like, but there is always the possibility—especially since Anne mentions enjoying teasing first years about mermaids too. Ominis x Poppy is very cute, I have to admit. They’d absolutely get along really well. It’s probably quite obvious that Ominis x MC is my first choice, but I certainly don’t dislike the other ships out there. They’re all adorable in their own ways. :) As for who might have a crush on him, I’d say probably just MC, Sebastian or Anne and mayyyyybe Poppy based on her line in that video I linked.

I imagine he tries not to think of his future while he’s at Hogwarts and prefers to enjoy the time he can spend away from his family, but I always HC that it never leaves the back of his mind and probably keeps him up some nights when he’s especially lonely or upset. It sometimes creeps into my fics and I really like exploring it. Having someone willing to cuddle up with him when he’s having a hard time with worrying about his future would definitely help ease his mind. Being unable to fall asleep, then rolling over to feel his significant other sleeping next to him and pulling them close is such a cute image. Bonus points if he asks if they’re awake, they wake up all sleepy and disoriented and they talk him to sleep by whispering sweet nothings to him and reminding him of the plans for the future they’ve talked about. I think about that so often lol.

Honestly between the inevitability of him ending up in a loveless marriage and the fact that he’s not on the records in the 1920s, I’m very motivated to ship him with someone who will marry him and allow him to escape that life. Like, I kinda die a little on the inside thinking about any other future for him lmao. He deserves so much more love than he gets at face value in the game and it will forever haunt me 😭

#hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis gaunt x sebastian sallow #Ominis gaunt x poppy sweeting #ominis gaunt x anne sallow #headcanons

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: February 2024

A real grey month broken up by the colours and beauty of art. Here's how I spent the month of February.

……….FILM……….

The Beekeeper (2024) Perfect February movie.

……….TELEVISION……….

Succession (Episode 1.01 to 2.04) Wasn't sure I was going to like this (every single character is just awful) but now I'm keen to see how these awful people are increasingly awful to each other. So far I'm really appreciating every shot that shows the staff and just the sheer number of people responsible for making the lives of these awful people as low-friction as possible. We 100% need to tax the rich more.

Delicious In Dungeon (Episode 1.05 to 1.08) Now having seen more episodes, the shifting animation styles feels more consistent overall and I love the frenetic style during the high-stress/combat scenes. If you like this show then know it's a near 1:1 with the manga but still worth reading.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Pinocchio is a Story About Art and God by Jacob Geller This opened me up to a wholly new interpretation of what the story of Pinocchio is about. Also go watch the Del Toro adaptation on Netflix it's truly a work of art. VIDEO

Vape-o-nomics: Why Everything is Addictive Now by Tom Nicholas In short: everything is a subscription now and it's making everything worse. Worth the watch and looking forward to further installments in this series. VIDEO

This Experiment Undid Our Cities. How Do We Fix It? by Strong Towns Push back against any local government that doesn't want to introduce mixed use zoning into neighborhoods. The suburbs are subsidized by density, it's as simple as that. VIDEO

……….READING……….

How To Watch Football: 52 Rules for Understanding the Beautiful Game, On and Off the Pitch by Tifo (Complete) So I actually read this over the course of a month or two. I'd read a rule or two, process, then read a couple more a day or two later. I don't even really watch football but this helped so much and now I expect I'll crush the fantasy premier league I'm in.

The Big Four by Agatha Christie (Complete) Only my second Christie novel and this felt SO different. Turns out that's because it really is an outlier amongst her other works. So that was reassuring. Not terrible but I wouldn't exactly recommend it as it felt thoroughly disjointed (a result of stitching together a series of unrelated short stories).

The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett (Complete) Hey I love the Discworld series. You know this. I know this. But there's always gotta be an entry that goes on the bottom of any list. I love Rincewind, but prefer the other wizards in a less prominent role. Not one I'd recommend when trying to get into the series and probably not one I'll revisit. Oh well.

Catwoman: Lonely City by Cliff Chiang (Complete) Big fan of Chiang's artistry on Paper Girls and really enjoyed this interpretation of an aging Gotham. It has such a clear and singular voice it covers so much in just four chapters! Really great read.

Silver Surfer: Black by Donny Cates, Tradd Moore, and Dave Stewart (Complete) Every time I read this I love it more and more. It's truly what I pictured comics to be when I was a kid: vibrant, dramatic, and a little bonkers. Why does the villain ride a dragon? WHO CARES it looks cool. I love it all.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 4 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) Watching the series and rereading the manga is really making for a great experience. This volume really highlighted that Senshi isn't a man with all the answers. In the upper levels of the dungeon, he's competent, but as they go deeper and face more dangerous monsters, the rest of the party take more of the lead. It's so good. This series is so good.

……….AUDIO……….

Wolves of Glendale by Wolves of Glendale (2024) Comedy music is always tricky but for me, the comedy is second. If I don't enjoy the music having no understanding of the lyrics then I probably won't stick with it. Some tracks strike this balance better than others but I found The Gym to be a good introductory track.

……….GAMING……….

Disco Elysium (ZA/UM) On one hand, I tend to prefer more...active games. Something that requires hitting buttons at the right time. On the other hand, I'm really digging the mystery and complexity of the game. It really feels like I can play this detective however I want without being forced to follow any one playstyle. Not sure how far into it I am but I read the review that it's less a detective game and more a game about being a detective and that really feels right. But I do have to say that it's...rather buggy on the Switch so that might not be the recommended way to play it.

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Tuesday crew is working towards ridding the island of a competing group of adventurers. Hook wants them gone, the Gnomes want them gone, heck even the Moss Mother wants them gone. But will they be able to do it? And the more lengthy recap is over here.

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 D&D crew found a (literal) underground magic item shop so did a bunch of shopping after their big funeral heist. Everyone loves a good shopping session!

And that's it. See you in March!

#Monthly Media #Kolbisneat #Andrew Kolb

[bi-bard]

Lizzy McAlpine Songs that Would Describe a Relationship with Gar Logan - Gar Logan Imagine [Titans (HBO)]

Title: Lizzy McAlpine Songs that Would Describe a Relationship with Gar Logan

Pairing: Gar Logan X Reader

Word Count: 2,243 words

Warning(s): social anxiety, beginning of an anxiety attack

Author's Note: Just here to show that I care about more than just Jason Todd and Dick Grayson

----------------------

Apple Pie

I found you under an April sky And you feel like City life, apple pie baked just right Home is wherever you are tonight

I never expected to see the world outside of the Caulder house.

I thought that was all my life would be. A band of misfits and anomalies left to hide in a house. Like toys forgotten in a doll house.

Gar Logan disrupted all of that.

I was suddenly less lonely. Less isolated. No longer forgotten.

To put it simply, he saved me. I was loved.

When he left to join Rachel and her friends, he brought me with him.

And then, we ended up in the Titans tower.

The first night was the weirdest. The idea of being in some new home. A new long-term situation had made me uneasy.

Gar helped.

When I first woke up, I had a few moments of panic, trying to figure out where I was. I sat up quickly, ready to run for it. And then, I saw Gar. He was still curled into the pillow, fast asleep.

I relaxed into the headboard.

That was right.

We were in the tower. This was home now. A real home. Not a living museum. A place for us to just exist.

I slowly laid back down where I had been. I didn't go back to sleep though. I just moved forward and curled into Gar's side as much as I could without disturbing him.

I intertwined our hands, my cheek resting on his shoulder.

Gar woke up a little while later. I only knew because he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I grinned a bit and leaned back to look at him. He was already smiling at me.

"Good morning," he mumbled to me.

"Morning," I replied.

"How'd you sleep," he asked. He knew about my nervousness surrounding the new place.

"Okay," I shrugged. "I... I forgot where I was this morning, but besides that, it was fine."

He nodded.

"What about you?"

"Nice. Really nice."

"Good," I muttered.

Gar pulled his hand from mine so he could wrap his arm around my shoulders and hold me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his torso.

"We should get some posters to put up," Gar commented. "On that wall."

I looked at where he was pointing. When my attention turned back to him, he had a wide smile on his face that made my heart melt.

"And some Christmas lights," I added, half-joking. "Hang them around the edge of the ceiling."

"That would be nice," he agreed. "We could try to get a shelf or something. Get some new CDs so you can start your collection again."

"Put them right next to all your video games," I suggested.

"Perfect."

I chuckled.

I felt his hand running up and down my spine. It felt like every nerve in my body simultaneously relaxed.

"You've got this whole thing planned out, huh," I teased.

"Just ideas," he shrugged. "If this is gonna be home, then I want us to both have a say."

I never knew that it could've been possible for one word to almost bring me to tears.

Home.

I definitely could get used to this being home.

all my ghosts

All my ghosts are with me I know you feel them too Ridin' shotgun next to your free Slurpee They know all of my habits, but they don't know about you I hope that's true

It wasn't a secret that out of all of the Caulder house residents, Gar was the one that could best pass for "normal".

It was a hard fact to ignore when the other residents in the house included a huge robot, a woman that sometimes turns into goo, and a man that had to spend forever dressed as the old-school invisible man.

And then, there was me.

After an... "accidental" drowning experience, I should have died, but Chief found me before that could happen. Whatever treatment he gave me forced the cold to almost mix with my DNA.

Now, I couldn't experience any intense emotion without frost growing on my skin... or ignore the physical effects that were always there. That was the extent to which I had explored those abilities. I didn't want to know the extent of those abilities.

I don't know how Gar convinced me to leave the house with him. I just had a tendency to trust him all the time. Probably a consequence of my feelings for him.

I was okay at first.

Getting out of the house was easy enough and I trusted Gar to lead me to... wherever we were going. He had told me it was a surprise.

I paused when I saw where he was pulling me.

"What's wrong," he asked when he noticed that I stopped walking.

"There's... There's a lot of people here, Gar," I said. "Maybe we should just go home. I... I'm not supposed to be in public anyways."

"(Y/n)," his hand touched my upper arm. "It's alright. It looks like a lot, but it's okay. Just try? Please?"

I looked at him for a moment before sighing and pulling my hood over my head. He grinned and grabbed my hand again.

Walking into the roller rink was okay at first. I kind of clung to Gar's side. My eyes jumped from one person to another, making sure that no one was staring.

Gar started playing a game in the arcade while I stood next to him, quietly watching him.

I felt something crawling up my spine. An uneasiness.

I looked around quickly, trying to find the source.

My brain couldn't sort it out. It just felt like I was being watched. Like all of the eyes in the room had turned to me instead of their games. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down and convince myself that it was just my mind playing a trick on me.

But I couldn't shake it.

I was convinced that everyone there was convinced that I was some freak. A monster.

I felt the ice and cold crawling along my muscles, pushing their way to the surface.

"G-Gar," I mumbled, pulling on his sleeve.

"One second."

"Gar," I said more firmly.

He looked at me. I saw his eyes widen.

"Hey, hey, it's alright," he promised. "Come on."

He grabbed my hand and tried to calmly lead me away from the center of the room. We ended up tucked away in a dark, empty corner of the arcade.

I could still feel eyes on me. It was only getting worse as the frost formed on my face.

"Hey," Gar took both of my hands in his. "I'm here. It's just me. No one else is here. No one else is watching. You are safe. I'll keep you safe."

I was trying to even out my breathing, my eyes squeezed shut. Gar continued mumbling soft words to me in the hopes of helping. They were, but not enough for it all to just disappear.

I pulled my eyes open as my breathing calmed. As I did, I got to watch Gar pull my frozen hands up a bit before he opened his mouth and blew out a huff of warm air.

"D-Did you just blow hot air on my hands," I asked quietly.

"Did it work?" Gar replied after a small pause.

I let out a small laugh at the idea. The image of him trying to warm me up like the ice hadn't intertwined itself with my DNA was funny. It was... adorable.

I felt the frost on my face melting away as we stood there. Gar kept my hands in his. I felt myself returning to normal before I looked up from our hands to look at his face. He grinned at me.

I grinned back.

"How are you feeling," he asked. I didn't respond. I was distracted. He was distracting. "We can go back to the house if you want. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. We can go play video games in my room and try this again some other time. Or not at all if that's what you-"

"Gar," I stopped him.

"Yeah?"

I leaned in and awkwardly pressed my lips to his. It was light. A kiss that was barely there.

I leaned back quickly, watching his expression for any hint of what he was thinking.

A smile slowly broke out on his face. I smiled back.

He leaned in and kissed me again. It lasted a little longer this time.

That one kiss had done more to comfort me than most people in my life had cared to try. I was still scared. Hell, I was terrified.

But having Gar there made it feel easier to deal with. Like I had to power to deal with it all.

He had become my safe space.

My person.

hate to be lame

Hate to admit but it might be true Hate to admit but I think you knew Hate to be lame but I might love you

There was this strange period in Gar and I's relationship.

I had distinct memories of these awkward moments.

I had figured out that I loved him. A lot. But saying that was too scary. Too real.

I didn't want to scare him away. I finally had someone that made me feel completely, entirely safe. I had no desire to potentially fuck that up.

And then... he was given the chance to leave.

Rachel stumbled into our lives, quickly followed by Dick Grayson and Kory Anders. The three were leaving almost as fast as they showed up.

I couldn't say that I was entirely shocked when Cliff told Gar to go with them.

He was easily the most normal of us. He had a real chance at a real life. Something beyond the doll house.

I took a deep breath and let him kiss me goodbye. I felt Rita touch my arm as we watched them start to climb into the car.

Gar stopped, just staring at me.

I forced a smile and waved

I loved him. I had to be willing to let him be happy. Even if that meant that he was going to leave me.

He put the bag that Rita gave him down before running back over. The other three tried to get his attention, but he ignored them.

"Come with me," he said, grabbing my hands. I stammered for a moment, ready to come up with some argument. "Please, please."

"Gar," I replied. "You... You have a chance at something other than this. I... I am meant to be here. I'm supposed to be hidden. I'm not going to hold you back from that opportunity."

"I don't want it if you're not going with me."

I shook my head. I tried to pull my hands away when I felt the frost forming over my skin. Gar held my hands tighter.

"(Y/n)... I... I love you."

It felt like everyone froze for a moment. And not because of me.

"Really," I asked.

He smiled and nodded. His hands moved to cup the sides of my face.

My skin was thawing out as he did. It was like he was swiping away the frost that had formed on my face.

"I love you too," I mumbled, almost distracted by the soft look on his face.

"Then, come with me," he urged.

I paused for a moment, my mind going a thousand miles per hour. He tried to speak up again, but I stopped him by leaning in and pressing my lips to his.

It only lasted a few moments before I leaned back again.

"Okay," I whispered.

Gar's eyes went wide. "Really?"

I nodded. "I'll go with you."

I heard cheering behind me as I hugged Gar and hid my face in his shoulder.

"Okay, okay, come on," he pulled on my arm.

"I don't have anything, Gar."

"Good point," he turned to the car. The other three were standing next to it, waiting. "Give them a minute? Really quick, I promise!"

"Go," Rachel spoke up before the other two had a chance, waving for us to go inside.

Gar dragged me back inside and up to my room.

I was frantically putting a backpack of essentials together when I saw Gar just watching me.

"What," I asked as I closed the main pocket.

"I'm just... I'm really happy," he explained.

I pulled my bag over my shoulders before walking over and kissing his cheek. "So am I."

"I love you," he muttered, looking almost relieved that can say that now.

"I love you too," I replied. I sighed. "How much time did I waste avoiding saying that to you?"

"Doesn't matter," he shook his head. "We can say it whenever we want now."

I bit my lip and nodded. He was right.

"Come on," he grabbed my hand and started excitedly pulling me back outside.

I frantically yelled goodbyes and waved at the other members of the Caulder house.

"I love you guys," I shouted before ducking into the backseat of the car with Gar and Rachel.

"Love you too," I heard Larry above everyone else just before the door shut.

I was getting out. Truly getting out. Not just for a few hours or for a night, but properly.

And I was doing it with Gar... which was easily the best part of finally running away.

----------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#gar logan imagine #gar logan fanfiction #gar logan x reader #garfield logan imagine #garfield logan x reader #garfield logan fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #x reader #dc imagine #dc fanfiction #dc x reader #titans x reader #titans fanfiction #titans imagine