#thehostkin

[fictionkinfessions]

i wish i knew how to talk about mark. i very much hesitate to because i know if i try, someone's probably going to accuse me of talking about mark, as in the irl guy who makes videos and movies and what have you, and it's. complicated. because yes, my mark looks like that guy, and they had similar goals and ambitions, but he's a different person. i just need people to take my word when i say he is.

i know that isn't entirely convincing. i don't think there's any way for me to make it /sound/ convincing. but i miss him, sometimes. our relationship was... weird (considering he was technically my creator and the other egos and i were technically part of him even if we weren't actually the same person). but i genuinely did like being around him, even if some of the others didn't. i got a lot of my creativity from him, after all.

i just hope he's well, wherever he ended up. he always managed to get himself into a lot of trouble. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

x

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #poie issue #mod party cat

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

i understand that different canons are different and not everyone was as lucky as me in this regard but it baffles sometimes me that people portray dark as abusive toward me. this is the man i willingly got into a fistfight with over pizza and would flirt with me in his pajama shorts and a suit jacket. i literally can't see him as anything more than a huge damn dork. - the host

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #cnaoning issue #food cw #prevabuse #abuse cw #Anonymous #mod party cat!

[canoncalled]

Hi! Im The Host kin from Markipliers channel and I'm trying to find come canon mates. I thought I had found my Dark but it seems I was wrong. I remember being in a one sided relationship with Dark. Sadly the only thing really remember is the day i was turned from Author into Host. If you remember anything about time loops or resets please like this post. Thank you -TSP

#thehostkin #markiplierkin #Anonymous

[fictionkinfessions]

every time i try to remember things from my time as the author, i just get. sad. and tired. like it was such a fundamental part of my life and who i was but because of... *gestures vaguely* my whole Deal, memories from that time don't come easy (or at all) and it just kind of. sucks.

which is ironic because i know as the host, i always got really upset by those memories and tried to ignore them as much as possible. mostly just because it took a while for people to get used to the fact that i was a different person then and still being able to remember who i was before that never really helped.

idk, just the problem of missing things you never thought you'd be rid of, i guess. part of me doesn't even know what i'd actually get out of having those memories again, especially since i hated them so much. i think, if anything, they'd just be easier to process now. and that there's some discomfort, for me, in knowing i existed but not being able to talk about that time with any real confidence. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

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[fictionkinfessions]

while i do resent the implication that i was completely powerless, i do love the hcs some people have that in like... an extremely vague sense, dark was sort of like my caretaker. because he kind of was. i was Very bad at taking care of myself and would often have very bad depressive episodes where all i could do was write and sleep and. that's about it, really. but he always made sure my bandages got changed, and that i at least ate Something in a day. and he'd comb and brush my hair and he'd act like it annoyed him but i know he was always soothed by it, and i was too.

sigh. miss that guy a lot. but i feel like with how often i talk about him, that's fairly obvious at this point. i just hope he misses me too, if he's out there somewhere. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

📦

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #injuries cw #mod party cat

[fictionkinfessions]

it's just easier to call him my boyfriend but our relationship was more.... complicated than that. we were both aroacespec and not very fond of labels, so being each others' boyfriend/partner was just the easiest way to describe it without raising too many eyebrows, even if it meant something different to us than it did to everyone else.

i wish more people showed us like that. some do, and i'm grateful for it, i am. but allo interpretations of our relationship are so inescapable it's like. man. i wish i could relate to what Any of you guys are saying. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

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#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #youtubekin #thehostkin #mod party cat

[fictionkinfessions]

if there are any darks, wilfords, googles, yanderepliers, or dr. ipliers out there, i hope you guys know i miss you a lot.

shit like. sucks because i don't rlly know many other kin people anymore, let alone people who are kin w/have fictives of the other egos. and i also get a lot of anxiety over interacting w other kin folk in general. but i still think of you all fondly. i don't think i ever stopped, really. may our paths cross again, in another lifetime, perhaps ||) (<- blindfolded smiley) - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

p.s. dark if you're reading this, you look very cute as a youtooz. expect to see yourself on my desk in 3 months time, heheh.

🐸

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #mod party cat

[fictionkinfessions]

sigh. makes me really sad that people think our relationship was abusive. i mean I Guess i get why but there's literally been no evidence that dark has ever mistreated me (hell, there's barely even any canon material of us interacting /at all/) and it just makes me upset that people think he'd hurt me like that, just because he wants to.

dark's a little shit. and he's clingy as fuck. and he can be really manipulative when he wants to be. but that's not all he was, and even if it wasn't perfect, i was genuinely happy with our weird little arrangement.

also makes me uncomfortable that people in general characterize me as unable to care for myself. i'm an all omniscient being, guys, i promise i can handle myself around the other egos just fine. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

rog

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[fictionkinfessions]

i don't think i ever let any of the others (...except for him of course) know that i never really. healed. after becoming the host. dark did the best he could, he really did, and i don't blame him in the slightest but i was just. so scarred from what had happened. it got easier over time, sure, but it just... never went away.

completely my fault, really, the measures i took were stupid and drastic but i was so terrified i didn't really know what else to do. guess i'm just glad that impulsivity from when i was the author didn't carry over, haha. - the host 🎙️

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#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #ableist language cw #mod party cat

[fictionkinfessions]

I like to give a knowing look to other Hosts. The one people who understand certain things give each other. Darkiplier making poor decisions? The look. Wilford and Bim at it again? The look. Others refusing to listen to you despite the fact you know what you are talking about? Cheers. /lh ~The Host, 👁️✒️🎙️

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #whokilledmarkiplierkin #youtubekin #ish #mod party cat!

[fictionkinfessions]

It has been a while, so I thought I would check-in and potentially give some encouragement. My memories are hazy these days, an ebb and flow of mist and fog...I remember using herbs from Bim Trimmer's greenhouse for my teas. For those who are searching...you will find them and it will be all right. ~The Host, 👁️✒️🎙️

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #memories issue #food cw #mod party cat!

[fictionkinfessions]

Wilford Warfstache, Darkiplier, you weren't married or even dating, you were old friends who knew too much of each other, and you both tried your best. Bim Trimmer, you had a friendly rivalry with Wilford Warfstache, neither of you were mean to the other. Please find each other. ~ The Host, 👁️✒️🎙️

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #whokilledmarkiplierkin #seekin #chara love #mod party cat!

[fictionkinfessions]

i very rarely put effort into dressing nicely (because i didn't have to) but on the occasions that i did, dark was always kind enough to pick out something nice for me to wear and help me put on what little makeup he thought would look nice that wouldn't get ruined by the blood. he always acted like he was annoyed by it but i could tell he was always really excited for the opportunity to dress someone up. i miss it sometimes. - the host 🎙

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #whokilledmarkiplierkin #blood cw #mod party cat!

[fictionkinfessions]

miss my melodramatic, insufferable, 3D glasses lookin ass situationship. it's honestly a little painful how fond i still am of him. like it just makes me so mad that i still think he's so attractive, that i still want him to hold my hand and poke fun at me and spray my coat with just enough of his cologne that it still smells like him even when we're not together. just stab me instead why don't you, i almost think it would hurt less. - the host 🎙️ (youtubekin)

🐸

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #mod party cat #stabbing cw

[fictionkinfessions]

man i feel so cringe for feeling like this but i've seen ppl drawing dark in casual wear and tshirts and whatnot lately and it makes me feel so happy. after his transformation it was SO rare to not catch him in a suit or at least a button down and i took any chance i could get for him to calm down enough to just wear a tshirt and shorts or something, even if it was just around the mansion. i miss him terribly, sometimes. shit's embarrassing man lmaO - the host 🎙

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[fictionkinfessions]

any unus annus/ego kins are now officially under my protection. anyone who calls you factkin or makes fun of you now gets bonked with the squeaky hammer. take care of yourselves guys ♥️ - the host 🎙

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #thehostkin #youtubekin #unusannuskin #fakeclaim #bullying cw #mod party cat!