Nothing to Despair | 24. A different depth of ecstasy
PAIRING: Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader
SYNOPSIS: Bucky and a girl he never met before have to go undercover as married on a mission to Europe. He feels alienated in the modern world, while she goes through life alone and abandoned. Maybe they can find a new home in each other, but she’s not easily convinced.
CHAPTER NOTES: So much smut with feelings, the most emotional yet. Soft!Bucky, loving and being loved the way he deserves, being held and taken care of, and just... just cherished. Some creampie, some cockwarming, some breeding kink underneath everything, and a bit of playful choking (but really playful, and reader does it to him).
Really all that happens this chapter is they make love, and then discuss the past and the future. The ship approaches NY. We approach the end of the story.
WORD COUNT: 5.9k
⸻ [MASTERLIST] [AO3] [TAGLIST]
Your fate is not to wither here,
And, passionless, your soul to save
Behind these walls, a scentless rose
Unopened by the honey bee
And dull to the Divinity.
Ah no! My lovely one, your morrow
Is marked by different destiny,
A different depth of ecstasy.
— Mikhail Lermontov, Demon
After their long morning outing, they went back to their suite, like Bucky said they would. But after they finished washing up and getting comfortable, she didn't let him even begin to talk about his plan again.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said, shaking her head at the protest she could read on his face. "I don't want to even think about it right now."
"I want you to trust me," he said, cupping her face in his hands. With the black glove off, she leaned into the chill of the metal. "I want you to know that you can trust me completely. And it's never going to happen, but if I ever do wrong by you, you can do whatever you want with me."
She shook her head but couldn't contradict him. It was a clean solution, the sort she wouldn't have with any other man. The girl wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled herself closer, resting her head against his chest right where his heart was beating.
"It wouldn't be fair to you," she whispered.
"I'd take it," said Bucky, kissing the top of her head. "I'd take anything for you."
"You already have me, darling. You know I won't go anywhere, you don't need to do this."
"Is that how you feel?" he frowned, pulling a bit away to look into her eyes. "You still feel like you're forced to be with me?"
She took a moment to drink in just how hurt he looked, how desperate to the point of anger, but she smiled and shook her head and leaned up to kiss him. "No, I don't." She kissed him again and felt him melt against her. Bucky's arms wrapped around her and he held on tight enough to lift her feet off the floor while they kissed. "I love you," she said as soon as their lips parted again.
"I love you too," he smiled brightly as he held her close. "You've made me so happy. You're everything I've ever wanted. That's why I trust you, doll, I'd trust you with anything, I want you to —"
"Let's talk about it later, ok?" she asked as she cupped his cheeks. "See if you still feel the same. Just… think it through."
"Alright…" he sighed, though still itching with the need to do it. Bucky had been nervous the minute the idea struck him, but now, his wife seemed more scared of the prospect of taking that control of him than he ever was of relinquishing it. Seeing him relax slowly in her arms, she eased back into him with a fresh patter of kisses, light and hot and teasing, going from his lips to his chin to his cheeks and back, in random patterns as their hearts beat, ever faster, side by side. Still kissing him, she kept her eyes open and looked at him as if searching for something. Even after he noticed, it wasn't enough for Bucky to stop, though he did slow himself down, giving her every chance to say what was on her mind, because he could see her thinking. Maybe it was his gaze, or the soft petting of her back, or his waist tight against hers that got her to finally demand:
"Make love to me."
His every muscle froze and tightened, standing at attention, ready before his mind even accepted that he heard her say it. And once it got through to him that she really did, that she asked that of him, that she said something sweeter than he'd ever hoped, there wasn't enough room left for any other thought. Bucky's eyes stayed on her face, almost waiting for her to change her mind, while his hands rushed to strip her of her clothes and he walked her back into the bedroom. Her hands, trembling as if it was their first time together, unbuttoned his shirt and just about undid his belt when he took over and yanked it out. They finished undressing in a matter of heartbeats, and Bucky was just taking the pins from her hair while she looked down and admired the length of him so close and in front of her. With a light touch, she teased her fingers up his thigh, making him pause and forget what he was doing. She hummed and kissed the top of his chest in a comforting way while, below, her hand moved in tickling touches on his inner thigh, then just lightly over the length of his hanging manhood.
Bucky's fingers curled in her half-undone hair and he moaned, but let her play with him. His wife sighed as she explored that warm and still soft part of him. The head was just barely peeking out, and the way its blush clashed against the paler skin around it was at once perverse, and tender, and adorable. She moved her finger up and down the length, avoiding the tip, feeling just the warmth and the hint of heartbeat, while his member twitched and hardened beneath her hand, before her eyes, because of her. Bucky took her teasing pets as long as he could, but he lost his mind when he heard her moan — because he knew why: she'd seen the hint of wetness start to drip. He was barely done taking the pins out of her hair and placing them on the table when he wrapped his arms around her again, pulled her in for one long kiss, and eased them both down on the bed.
"Tell me how you want it," he husked, lips barely lifted from hers.
"Don't worry about me…"
"That's a tall order."
"I want to see what you're like," she whispered, teasing his lips with hers. "Pretend I'm not here, pretend I don't exist. I just want to see what you would do… if you didn't worry about what I wanted."
As he pressed her into the bed, Bucky kept looking at her with his own doubts, but it didn't stop him from moving them, slowly, into a linking of arms and legs that brought their whole bodies together, throbbing to the same rhythm. "I'm not sure you'd like it," he smiled timidly.
She cooed with a sudden sultry air and pressed her lips against his, quickly parting as she spoke between each kiss. "You don't want to show me, sweetheart?" she asked with an airy voice, then added a playful sound of inner hurt. "You wouldn't do that for me?"
"I've created a little monster, haven't I?" he grinned, chasing her lips while his hands moved up to pin her arms to the bed.
"I've always been one," said the girl, looking between his eyes and lips, timing her admissions with the spreading of her legs, still gripped by the instinctual fear that, with every whim, he might leave her. "I just didn't want you to see. Was afraid you wouldn't love me."
Bucky sighed and clenched his jaw at her irresistible manipulation, but she wasn't really teasing anymore. His flesh hand let go of hers to come up and pet the hair off her face, smooth the tension off her brows, brush gently over her eyelids and just feel the fanning of long lashes. She moved with him, sweet and docile, and barely reacted when she felt his member brush against her as it yearned for her centre. He laid his palm over her eyes and held it there, his thumb coming right down to her lips. And as he angled himself and pressed his tip to her, he felt her hips move along with him — first away in fear, then settling down, then trying to find him.
"Bite down," he growled. Her fingers tightened in his upper arm, but she just barely hugged his finger with her teeth. "Harder. Hurt me, come on." Her mouth pursed with a kiss, at first, then slowly curled around the length of him and she bit across the length. At the same time, her legs tensed around his waist as he found her womanhood and took his place, the head catching on her entrance, then with a jerk of hips he pressed inside and pierced the breath right out of her. Her other hand flexed in his metal fingers, the useless scraping of the nails the only hint he had of it, while dutifully her teeth bit deeper into his flesh. "That's it, doll. I love it when you hurt me," he gasped with complete abandon as he sunk into her. He heard and felt her moans under his hand, and the murmurs travelled up his flesh and bones to the beat of his thrusts. "You're always so vicious about it. Makes me feel like you're thinking of nothing but me…"
A plaintive sound rose from her at that, and for a moment she stopped her biting to press one kiss into his flesh. Her hand clasped his metal one, fingers now tightly interlaced, and with the other she scraped her nails up and down the side of him. As he finally sunk all the way inside, Bucky lifted his hand from her face, and kissed her. She sat still at first, letting him do whatever he wanted, but with the feeling of him all around, so warm inside and on top of her and his palm cupping her cheek, she melted against him and started gently kissing back. Her eyes opened, still adjusting, but her gaze went instantly to his. Bucky's fingers threaded through her hair, then stopped, holding her head while he rested his forehead against her, his eyes lidded and heavy but still locked with hers as he thrust forward. Her wince turned into a moan and she canted her hips, tightening around him so quickly he took a sharp breath from the pleasure-pain she caused. His warm breath fanned over her face and ended with another kiss. Though he watched her all through the struggle of taking him, enjoying every thought and feeling that bubbled to the surface of her face, her eyes slipped from his down to his lips, and his chin, and his chest, then grew unfocused and closed. He could feel the tension in her lower stomach, right against him, and could just about feel the hard little tip of her that she tried to rub against him with his every thrust out, chasing her pleasure on his shaft.
With every outward thrust, she could feel him move right beneath that surface of delicate skin that covered him, and with every thrust inward, could feel the ridges of his member against her weakest, most tender parts, making her relax and relent to him and grow wetter and warmer and welcoming. Then he stopped, and pressed in harder, and harder, until he almost bent her back, and his whole body tasted her. The girl whined and pressed her head back, spine arching as she took him in, and Bucky took advantage of it to slip a few suckling kisses to her breasts, lips and teeth pulling gently, his tongue soothing afterward. His other hand held her still, preventing her from moving too high on the bed, keeping her right where he wanted her. Her body came back down on the bed and her legs shivered, so he knew he'd teased her enough. Bringing his lips back to her face, Bucky pressed another brief peck to her lips, while still buried deeper inside her than he often dared. Her eyes cracked open and she smiled at him, shy and satisfied, and daring, then of all times, to blush. He chuckled lowly and pulled back out just enough to give her another firm thrust that stole every thought from her. Her panting breaths filled the air around them with the reedy, almost panicked sound, but she clung to him harder than ever before.
His metal arm let go of her hand to wrap around her throat, fingers closing with precision to the point where she felt it but it wouldn't hurt her. And just like she asked, Bucky didn't stop to think if she would like it, didn't pause his thrusts to check on her, or wait for her reaction. Only when his eyes moved back to her face did he see the scared look in her eyes, and beneath, the lip bitten naughtily between her teeth and pulled up in a smile. He thrust harder and pushed a moan out of her, and then another, slowly, and then shifted to a quick succession that had her gasping. He cooed at her, then soothed her cries with gentle kisses, thumb coming down to brush her upper cheek. Bucky felt her tense and throb around him, trying to close up but held open, and her cries were getting higher, more scared, and he could feel the heat inside of her from their joined flesh that worked its way through all her body, and the softness, and the unrelenting fighting of the muscles against him. His metal arm held her still while he whispered against her cheek, and marked each pause with kisses, saying ever more freely what he had learned, until then, to hold back.
"Take me, that's it, take me like a good little wife… I'm yours, I'm all yours, so take me." And on their own, his legs braced harder against the bed as he chased his pleasure into her, eyes half-lidded and distracted with the feeling of her beneath his hand, and down his chest, and all around his pulsing manhood. "I love you," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers. "I love you so much…"
By now, she'd relaxed enough to hear him and looked up into his eyes, mouth agape, and nodded slightly as if she wanted to say it back, but her every nerve was on edge. Bucky understood, still, and kissed her with a boyish smile lingering on his lips. He only parted to moan her name, and felt her whole body twitch nervously at that — it went against what she liked, and that's what she'd asked for now; it said her there, and then, and reminded her that he thought of her. He was always thinking of her, and maybe now she began to understand it. Bucky whispered and whimpered her name with every thrust, his pace more tempered but stronger. He pulled himself up and brushed his whole body against hers, held there, then pulled back like an exhale, moving freely in her softened womanhood. The metal hand slipped to her upper chest, holding her down gently for a moment, and though he couldn't feel her heartbeat through it, he came back down, closer to her, to feel her right against him. Then he was moaning her pet name, the one he'd come to call her when they were both happy and careless, like old friends, but he said it now with such overwhelming, mindless love, like the echo of a hundred thoughts he'd had on his own, and she felt, though present and attended to so intensely, as if she truly wasn't there — because so many times, for him, she hadn't been.
Her hands moved from the side of his chest up to his ruffled head and held him, brushing the hair back and keeping him by her side where she could kiss his cheek and whisper, once she found the courage, how perfect he was, and dear to her, and sweet, and how she loved him too.
"From the start," she whispered against his skin, "I've always loved you, sweetheart," and pressed it into him with a kiss.
Bucky savoured it with a moan and a shiver, and paused enough to turn his face, kissing her mouth with gratitude, and relief, and a happiness that was strong and unfamiliar, after having abandoned it so many weeks before, in moments of despair. It almost felt a shame to spoil the moment with anything carnal, but he stayed inside her, throbbing, and pressed deeper, and overwhelmed with love and pleasure he finally let go. His wife gasped as she felt it, the strong twitching that pushed him into her, the warm spilling of himself, and his flesh all around, damp and feverish and tender. Her body, which had come to know him so well, throbbed in sympathy, and relaxed, and opened up to take him in and keep and cherish him, just as she did. They moaned against each other as they finished, but it didn't stop their kisses, their soft and slow caresses, parting only to gasp in enough breath to keep on kissing and loving each other in every wordless way they could. He stayed inside of her as he softened, and moved his metal arm below to tilt her hips as he pressed closer, holding her body like an urn, thumb caressing the rim that was the crest of her hip in soothing, petting motions. She clung to him harder but tried to relax, letting the shivers run through her, the after-waves of pleasure and fear at the intensity of his claiming. Their kissing slowed as tiredness caught up with them, and she lay heavily on the pillow, Bucky's head resting right beside hers, turned on its side to face her.
"Alright, doll?" he asked breathlessly, smiling.
His wife grinned lazily — he was just fishing for compliments, he knew she was more than alright.
"So good… you're so good to me," she moaned, arching her back up into him, feeling the rumble in his chest as she clenched around his sensitive shaft.
He was still panting, sweat dripping and chilling on his back, every nerve aflame, but sated. She focused on tempering her breathing, and when she opened her eyes again, she found his waiting, their typical chill grey softened by the crinkle of a smile. With his lashes so long and his brown hair tousled around his face, he looked like a young deer. Her one hand rested on her chest, but she brought the other up to brush his hair back and pet him, and his eyes closed in contentment, lips curling in a smile.
"Not as good as you deserve," he mumbled sleepily.
"No, you're exactly what I want." Stretching her neck the slight distance, she pecked him lightly on the lips. "You're perfect for me. Don't say differently, don't even think differently. You're perfect."
Her tone was firm enough to stab into his soul while her eyes looked so lovingly into his. Every doubt she'd ever given him, with every rejection or cursing or clawing, was cut away and lost with those few words, that heartfelt look — and suddenly, he felt so full of not just his love, but her own, that it threatened to spill over his seams. All the other girls he'd been with, every couple he'd been jealous of, every young family he'd stared at with envy, seemed suddenly pathetic compared to what he had with her. And just the thought that they were on the way to starting a little family of their own…
Very carefully, Bucky laid her hips back on the bed, and with the motion, finally left her body, his member fully soft and satisfied and so warm from her that he growled when the air of the room hit his skin. She groaned at the loss, but her head lulled back dreamily, shivering with the final teasing taste of him against the parts of her rubbed raw and pleasured. Her skin was so warm and wet all over, but most of all she felt the thick, rich seed that threatened to overflow, even after pushing it so deeply in, and with a bit of sluggish movement she tucked a corner of the duvet under to keep herself tilted up, hungry and greedy for all that his body had made, enticed by her, and spilled, coxed between her lower lips. Now that she had caught her breath, she moved a bit up on the pillows and pulled her husband down, warming him against her legs and chest again, and pulled the sheets up over him, tucking them both in. Bucky rested his head against her chest and curled his arms around her, trying at first not to be too heavy, but seeing how easily she took him in her arms, he soon relaxed. Her legs curled around his, his stomach rested at her waist, and her hands were petting the back of his neck, fingers brushing through his hair. He breathed in her skin, listening to the beating of her heart as it slowly came down, and at the crown of his head he could feel her lips, cooing and kissing, then coming to rest.
"I love you," she whispered, rubbing her cheek against him, and he could even catch a hint of smiling in her tone. "My best boy, my own, my only… I've wanted you since I saw you, perfect, pretty, handsome lover. And you're so nice to me, so gentle. I don't know what I'd do without you."
He didn't trust himself to speak. His throat was gripped with new emotions that didn't even feel his own, so unused he was to this much care, to being held like this, and cherished as if he were the centre of someone else's world. As if all her thoughts were of him, all her feelings were for him, and she felt — she finally felt — for him what he felt for her. But it seems she'd felt it for even longer than he thought, she'd held it in and hid it from him, but it was there. Knowing that only drove him dizzier with love. All he could do was wrap his arms around her tighter, and nuzzle his face into her neck, and swallow his loss of control. Bucky didn't have to ask her why she hadn't told him. It was for the same reason he held the fullness of his feelings to himself up until he had her under his power, captured. Now that he had all but sworn to be her captive too, he finally could see it: how deep their love for each other was, how perfectly matched in intensity. He was already at the limit of how much of her affection he could take, but then she softly moaned into his hair and started praising him some more, in a way that completely undid him.
"My big, strong husband," she whispered, "who takes such good care of me," and kissed the top of his head. "I love you so much." To the rhythm of their breathing and her fingers through his hair, slowing, slowing lazily to long caresses, then to firm warm hugs, they fell asleep.
They were just days away from New York, and every one of those days was spent trying to forget it. They went out every morning, walking hand-in-hand, and took their time with breakfast. His hand caressed hers while they waited for their order, playing with the wedding band around her finger — she finally admitted how much she liked it, too — then they went and window-shopped, or caught a show or movie, or spent time in a lounge, or he taught her how to dance. They made an event of lunchtime, and for dessert she sat by his side, leaning against him as she had a milkshake or an ice cream, her head on his shoulder and legs brushed up against his. It was difficult to stay out after that, and sometimes they skipped dinner to make love — which occasionally was just a series of kisses, a long undressing, resting with each other and leaving it there, and other times they sank so deeply in each other it hurt when he left her body. And on the days that were more quiet, they spent the evening on the deck, walking while they watched the sunset, or with her sitting on his lap as they sipped their drinks and talked. Once he got her to open for him, even just a bit, his girl let Bucky slip in as sleekly as a slip of water down a glass, and he made his way through every corner of her.
She sat sprawled on top of him one night as they lounged together, with no one else around on the deck. The sea looked as black as the horizon, sprinkled with foam and gentle waves like the sky was sprinkled with stars and little clouds. A breeze chilled the air, but they kept each other warm. Her head rested on his chest, and when she turned up to look at his face, she hummed and brought a thumb up to brush over his forehead.
"What's upsetting you, honey?" she asked, petting his frown away.
"Nothing, doll," he smiled down at her, but not being very convincing.
His little wife tutted and pulled herself up enough to cup his face and gentle her thumbs across his eyebrows, smoothing them back while she laid a kiss between them. "Tell me," she pressed again as she laid back down.
"I was just thinking about… I don't know. It's…" He sighed heavily as he thought of how to put it, worried no doubt about upsetting or offending her, but she waited and tilted her head up just slightly, encouraging him to go on. "About how it got to this. All the things you went through that I wish you hadn't… What I went through too, but mostly wishing you'd… you know, had an easier time of it. But then, thinking you wouldn't be here…" he trailed off, his arm wrapping tighter around her waist as if she could slip away, as if she was just something he'd dreamed up.
"You're feel guilty?"
"A little. No, a lot. I shouldn't feel it, but sometimes I can't help but be grateful for all the bad things that…" that had brought her to him.
"That's alright," she whispered, and through the length of her, she could feel his muscles relax.
"Really?" he winced, still doubting, but managing to smile a bit.
"There's a thought I had, from something you said once… Maybe more than once."
"You remember what I told you about how we look at evil, in our fairy-tales?" Bucky hummed again and kissed the top of her head. "There's another way I used to see it. I'd forgotten how nice it was, before you reminded me."
"Tell me, honey."
"There's this book I found out about," and she left out that it was from Althaus, she didn't want to ruin Bucky's mood, "by this ancient Roman author called Boethius. He was in prison awaiting execution, and he'd lost everything. His status, his wealth, his freedom and his library, and was about to lose his life. And while in prison, he wrote a book about how to get through that. To find happiness when everything's been taken away…"
Bucky hummed as he listened and kept his eyes on the sea, smiling at her showing off how smart she was again, but grateful that she did. Every day, he was learning something new about her, and he knew better than to scare her away by teasing her about it. His hand moved slowly over her hip in a petting motion as he waited for her to go on. Perhaps she hadn't meant it, but what she said brought him right back to his time as the Soldier, when he too had lost everything. Was that what she meant?
"And there's one thing he wrote about evil, a very interesting theory about it… He said that evil can only be perceived, by us, in time. But from a higher perspective, something like a Divine perspective, it ceases to exist. Because, when time has ended, everything is reconciled. Everything comes together."
He froze, as he understood her meaning. "I didn't want to say it, but when you put it like that…"
"It's helpful, isn't it?"
"To look at things that way, yeah."
"I was fascinated when I first read about it but, I couldn't really accept it, you know? None of the things that had happened to me seemed to make much sense. But now…"
His other hand came up to wrap around her, and he held her closer than before. He felt her hands come up to hold him too, and she turned over on his chest to press herself into his body, safe and warm with a complete belonging.
"I shouldn't say I'm grateful that you left your home, that you've been unhappy, that you've kept away from other guys — Well, no, I am grateful for that one," he smirked, and she chuckled into his chest. "Shouldn't say I'm grateful that it drove you into joining Hydra either."
"But if it led me to you, I can't say it was bad anymore," then quickly she added, "I mean, not that I'd say that about you but…"
"What do you mean?"
"About what happened to you."
"Just as I was about to feel better about it…" he chuckled jokingly. "So you'd get rid of me, huh?" he teased. "You wish you hadn't met me?"
"Bucky… If it meant I were alone again, I'd undo everything that's happened to you."
"Sweetheart…" he smiled and cupped her face, gentling her down-turned lips.
"You lost everything you had. I know I don't deserve you and I'm not enough to make up for ev—"
He pulled her down and shut her up with kisses.
"I told you not to talk like that," he whispered when they parted, his forehead resting against hers as he searched her sad and fragile eyes. "You just said it yourself, doll, everything comes together. And you make me happier than I've ever been before." His thumb brushed across her cheekbone as he waited, but she sat there, listening, neither contradicting him nor nodding. "If only you'd believe me…"
"I guess it makes me feel like… I need to make this whole century seem worth it," she joked with half a smile.
"That's right," said Bucky with a pout. "And it's not worth it when my best girl is being sad. So what can we do to make you happy, hmm?"
Midnight found them wrapped around each other in bed, sheets strewn all around and tangled in between them. The hair around his forehead was matted with sweat and slowly she brushed it away, hand still trembling from love. Bucky lay half-way on top of his wife, feet hanging off the side of the bed while his arms were wrapped around her, face buried in the soft crook of her neck. Her body was strewn down on the bed, hair stretched across the pillows, sheets pulled off and half tucked underneath while she let her body cool and calm her thumping heart. He kissed her skin and ravished her with praises while her fingers pet his hair back, and kissed his head, and rested her cheek on top of it, lifting it now and then to kiss him again as if she just remembered how much she loved him, and hummed to him a gentle, sleepy tune.
"Keep going, doll," he murmured with a smirk. "Practice those lullabies."
"I hate it when you sound so smug."
"No you don't."
"No I don't."
He raised himself enough to reach her lips and kissed her tenderly, then rested his face against her chest, his ear against her heart, and looked up in her eyes. She looked down at him too with a half-lidded gaze, tired, at peace, and safe.
"What language do you think you'll sing in?" he asked with a proud smile.
"Oh, Dochian of course," she smiled back softly, but sounding unrelenting.
"You don't think we have pretty lullabies?" asked Bucky teasingly.
"I'm sure you do," she giggled. "But no child of mine is going to grow up speaking a foreign language. They will learn English only after."
Bucky grinned and nodded, and now that he had drawn her in, he said "So you're settled on those 5, or…?"
Feeling caught again, she turned her head away. His happy, hopeful face melted everything inside her. Her husband chuckled and finally got up, stretching in his feline way before plopping back down on the bed, and pulled her to lay on top of him. She sighed but let him do it, and straddled his thigh to work her way up, enjoying the little growl that bubbled in his chest as she did it.
"I wish I had your confidence," she said as she threaded her fingers together and rested her chin over them, right at the top of his chest.
"Everything's going to be alright, doll," he whispered as he held her. "There's 'Nothing to Despair', right? Isn't that the saying back home?"
"Oh you bastard!" she laughed, recognising the motto and surprised, underneath everything, that he even knew what it was.
"I'll have you know —"
"Using my own country —"
"— that your mother-in-law was an honest lady."
"— against me!"
"Hey, all's fair in love and war," he grinned.
"I could strangle you right now," she huffed, her smile mirroring his irresistible one.
"Yeah? Come on, do it," he goaded. "Really, come here. I want to see how you do it."
"You'll laugh at me," she muttered.
"No I won't." Slowly, she crawled up his body and wrapped her fingers around his neck, barely holding him. "Come on, you won't hurt me, harder," grinned Bucky. With her hand still around him, the girl straddled his waist and put more effort into it, her little fingers squeezing down. "Here, you should keep pressure on the side like this, cut off the blood flow."
"That's right. Harder. Harder, come on." As she squeezed like he instructed, Bucky couldn't help but smile brighter, proud, and just slightly turned on. "That's pretty good," he husked as he looked into her eyes.
"Don't think I can hold it for long, though," his wife said with a little laugh as she tried to focus, then gave up.
Satisfied, took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the inside of her palm. "We'll make an assassin out of you yet."
"Bucky…" she winced, but could barely hold back a saucy grin.
"What? Knowing how to kill people is an essential life skill," he argued with a smirk. "Just don't tell Steve."
Everyone gathered on the deck as they approached the coast, cheering as the shoreline waited, growing in the shrinking distance. Bucky and his partner — his wife, his heart, his everything — stood outside too and watched. Her back was to his chest as his arms were tightly wrapped around her, and without needing to speak, he knew she was completely wracked with nerves beneath her cool exterior. He leaned down to kiss her cheek and felt her smile, and her head turned to kiss him back. But on his arm, around her waist, he felt her tight grip clinging.
"It's all going to be fine, honey. Don't you worry about a thing." He felt his wife nod and rested his chin over her head, swinging them both of them gently side-to-side to the rhythm of the waves. "I love you more than anything, sweetheart. I won't let anything bad happen to you."
"I love you too," she told him ardently, hugging the arms that held her. "I love you no matter what happens."
End Notes: Regarding their little talk about evil and time and Boethius, I took some parts almost ad literam from this recording. It's actually helped me through some really difficult times. Obviously, you don't have to listen to it for the story or anything, but I am sharing it in case it can be helpful to someone else as well.
I want a fic where Zemo gets deaged or amnesia or something and Sam and Bucky have to convince him that his father sent them to keep him safe. Then you can go two ways with it. Zemo with the mindset of this young, rich Baron who doesn’t take any of this or Sam and Bucky seriously and needles at them to piss them off because he can or Zemo who knows for a fact that his father would not trust his safety in the hands of two dumb Americans and sticks around solely to figure out what’s going on.
ratings/warnings: posessive!bucky, semi-torture, sad characters, angst
You woke up with a grown. You could feel that you were in a bed, a very uncomfortable one. The sheets and the pillows smelled of your alpha, pine, metal, fruit- that’s what confused you. Where were you? You finally open your eyes to see concrete walls, unfamiliar ones.
What the hell?
There was an explanation for this. Steve clearly was done with your shit and finally locked you up, right? Your alpha most definitely didn’t kidnap you? You looked around, trying to find Bucky, get an explanation from him. You spotted him huddling in the corner, he looked like a scared little kid. “James?” He didn’t move for a minute, “Who?” You flinched on how loud his voice was, compared to his body language. What did he mean? Did he not know who he was? What is his name was? You got up from the lovely smelling sheets, and slowly walked over to him, trying a different approach. “Alpha?” That got his attention but he flinched when you got closer.
“No, no closer” He said as he held his hands out as if to halt your movements. ‘Okay okay, sorry.” You said, as you quickly backed up, and sat back down on the pile of blankets. You looked around and truly wondered where you were. There was only a pile of blankets with a small pillow, and a bench in this tiny prison? “Alpha? Is-is this your bed?” You asked a little shocked. Did he really live here? In these conditions? You knew he had to be brainwashed but, this is unacceptable.
He gave you a curt nod. Your face fell, this couldn’t be comfortable for him. “Do-do you want to come over here and sit with me?” You knew you should be afraid, afraid that he would snap and hurt you. You weren’t, your inner omega trusted him, and felt at ease, knowing he would never hurt you. Bucky started to get up from the corner he sat in, and stood there. You gave him a soft smile, hoping to ease him.
He eventually got the courage to walk over to you, and stare at you for a moment. “Sit” he said before he did so. He looked uncomfortable, HYDRA clearly didn’t take care of this man, or showed him an ounce of affection. You wanted to make the best of the situation you were in, so you tried to get to know the person that you were destined to be with. This broken, shell of a man, who was brainwashed and doesn’t know any better.
“Do you uh, do you live here?” You said as you looked around. He didn’t say anything, just nodded his head, and looked to the ground. That broke your heart even more. That means he’s been sleeping on this poor excuse for a bed, in this tiny concrete worm for years-decades. You could feel his eyes on you, watching as you looked around. You were distracted for a moment before you felt a slight poke at your arm. “Omega?” Bucky asked curiously. You nodded, not knowing if he was confirming how own thoughts or-
“Alpha?” Bucky asked again, this time he pointed to himself. Almost as if he was in disbelief, that’s who he was. “Yeah, James, you an alpha-”
“M-my omega?” He lifted his finger and placed it on your sternum. There was no ulterior motive to it, just an experimental touch. “Mhm, I’m your omega, your my alpha” Another head tilt of confusion.
That went on for a while. You would ask questions, and he would give an answer the best he could. You wanted to ask him about how he got here, why these people would hurt him so bad. He seems…….. Sweet, kind, and loving under all that metal. You were sitting so close together that your knees were touching, you smiled at the thought that he trusts you. The conversation eventually came to a stop, and you both were gazing into one another's eyes. You slowly started to raise your hand, and he flinched. You wanted to put your hand down but something inside you said to keep moving. You eventually get to his cheek, and you softly plant your hand. Bucky froze for a minute, unsure of the contact, but leaned his head onto your hand. How could someone hurt him? He’s so soft, and gentle, and would never hurt a fly. An-and now they made him this-this killing machine.
*A week later*
You both didn’t move from the cell. Someone would bring my food and water, and James would give you his extra’s. You always protested and said he needed to eat to but, he always shook his head, “No, omega come first”. He didn;t go in missions, or train or anything, just stayed with you, and watched over you, protected you.
That was until Rumlow barged in one day and started making demands. “Alright vacations over, get up you have a mission.” God what a dick. Bucky started to get up, preparing for his orders. Everything was fine until you decided to open your mouth. “You could at least treat him like a human.” Everything ceased. Rumlow turned to you.
“What did you just say?” You scoffed, getting up, trying to act tough.
“I said, you could at least treat him like a human fucking being. Because that’s what he is, not some toy you can-” SMACK
You clutched your cheek in pain. Your alpha charged at the man, anger evident in his eyes. He grabbed Rumlow by the neck and slammed him against the wall. His hand squeezed tighter and tighter around the man's neck. As good as it would be to see the man dead, you needed to get him to stop.
“Alpha-Alpha! Hey it’s okay you can let him go now.” You tried to reason with him. You even went as far as putting a hand on his shoulder to pull him out of his daze. He looked over to you, checking for permission, “yeah it’s okay-see I’m okay-let him go” Without breaking eye contact, James dropped Rumlow to the ground, and grasped your face in his hands. He gently moved your head side to side, inspecting the damage. “Hurt” was all he said.
“No, I’m okay alpha, promise” You said with a tight lipped smile. Once he was satisfied that you were okay, he turned to Rumlow who was being assisted by his friends, with an angry expression. Before he could do anything, someone came from the side and electrocuted him. “No!” He dropped to the ground with a thud, and you dropped to your knees. You shook him. “James? Alpha? C’mon you gotta wake up!”
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Brock leaning against the wall, confused but, amused, expression on his face. “Why would you do that? Your all psycho’s” Tears started to gather in your eyes. Rumlow, completely ignoring your question, said, “You are going on his mission.” Your head whipped up to meet his gaze. “Why? I’m not gonna help you people MURDER others” He laughed, stalking over to you. “Oh sweety, we’re simply making the world a better place.” You wanted to gag. Sweety.
“Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, we need you. You seem to uh, bring him back. None of us have been able to do it, he always takes it one step too far.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t fucking brain wash him so much and maybe he wouldn’t de-rail” You spat. He didn’t press any further, he nodded to his men, and they all left the room. You were left there, in the cold room, with your alpha’s lifeless body.
*a couple of hours later, during the mission*
Jame’s woke up not long after Brock left the room. He didn’t say much, just got up and started to get ready for the mission. You didn’t know what it was, just that you were to follow Rumlow and the team, so you could intervene at any time.
You and the team were around the corner from where Jame’s was about to shoot his target, in broad daylight when, a familiar shield was thrown his way. It hit him square in the chest, making him stumble backwards. He grabbed Cap’s shield, and threw it right back at him, 10x harder. “You have to let me intervene” You gasped out to Rumlow. “What the hell are you-”
“Steve isn’t the target, if I don’t step in right now Bucky will kill him. You really want Captain America’s blood on your hands?” You gave him a snide glare. He sighed, “Alright but, be careful, if he doesn’t stop, I tase him understood.” You didn’t even respond before you ran out to the mostly empty street. You started to put your hand out as the shooting ceased, Natasha still had her weapon drawn, and Bucky still had a murderous look on his face.
“Hey Alpha” You said as you turned to face him. He grunted in response, still in fight mode. “It’s okay, you don’t need to hurt them okay? They aren’t your mission right?” His eyes flicked to your’s. “No” Relief flooded through you. “That’s right, good job. So, let’s lower our weapons,” You were mostly talking to the people behind you. “,and let’s go. We don’t need to fight them, they're friends, alpha.” James grunted again but reluctantly stood straight up, keeping eye contact with you. You put a hand on his cheek, he leaned into it. “Thank you alpha.” You turned around to see Steve and Natasha looking at you. “Please-if you don’t pointing weapons at him, he will try ot kill you.” You pleaded with her. “Put it down Nat” She side eyed him but, lowered her gun.
“Y/N you know we can’t let him kill those people.” Steve said. You lowered your head, “I know Steve but, I’m doing what I can. I can’t stop him from killing but I can keep him steady.” He nodded
“It’s almost like you were made for this.” Natasha said, in a tone that sounded like she knew something. “Come with us omega and we can help you-get you out of HYDRA” At Natasha calling you ‘omega’ James started to stalk towards her.
“No no no no, hey hey look at me alpha.” You quickly grabbed his jaw with both hands. “My omega” James said. You nodded your head at his admission. “Yeah yeah, your omega okay?” He moved his forehead to yours. “Not-not her’s, mine” You hummed as a response. To overwhelmed by his affection. “I’m gonna say by okay?” You whispered so he would hear. He moved away from you and let you say your goodbyes.
“Y/N don’t do this-” Steve started to talk.
“Steve I have to, he needs me. Pl-please understand.” He only nodded. Tears sprung to your eyes, James sensed your emotions and put a hand on your elbow as you walked back to the team. “Okay?” James asked. You gave him a sad smile. “Yeah I’m okay”
Summary: Y/N reunites with her longtime lover, only he isn't who she thought he was.
Content warnings: Violence, swearing, smoking. I don't know how to write fight scenes so I tried to make it funny, sorry.
This is a continuation of Historical Figure, but it could be read alone.
Y/N was grateful that Sam had taken her, Steve and Natasha in after finding out SHIELD had been compromised.
"So, the question is, who at SHIELD could launch a domestic missile strike?"
She sighed, sipping gingerly at her coffee. "Pierce, who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world."
"But he's not working alone." Steve interjected. "Zola's algorithm was on the Lemurian Star. So was Jasper Sitwell. The real question is how do three of the most wanted people in Washington to kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?"
Sam took long strides towards them, placing a file on the table. "The answer is, you don't. Call this a resume."
With narrowed eyes, Y/N snatched the folder. "Is this Bakhmala. The Khalid Khandil mission? Didn't know you were a pararescue. I heard they couldn't bring in choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use? A stealth chute?"
"No. These." He showcased another file.
"I thought you said you were a pilot." Steve remarked.
The other man smirked, arms crossed. "I never said pilot."
"I can't ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason."
"Dude, Captain America and Captain L/N need my help. There's no better reason to get back in."
After a brief confrontation with Sitwell, Y/N found herself huffing as she drove, Sam bickering with the Hydra agent in the backseat while Natasha pouted about being squished and Steve smirked slightly at his comfort in the front, only for his seat to be kicked.
"HYDRA doesn't like leaks." Sitwell declared, hoping for any kind of reaction.
She looked at him through the rear view mirror, not a single worry about the road on her mind. "Then put a cork in it."
"Insight's launching in 16 hours, we're cutting it a bit close here." Natasha reminded, wincing from the lack of space.
"I know, we'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the helicarriers directly."
"What? Are you crazy? That is a terrible, terrible idea!"
A thud had reverberated on the roof above him, a metal blur breaking through the glass window and yanking Sitwell out of the vehicle, his screams growing quieter as the banging footsteps on the roof had progressed into gunshots.
Grunting, Y/N slammed her foot on the brakes, the figure flinging off the car and landing onto the road before them, metal fingertips scraping at the concrete. While her glare was focused on the foe who'd begun taking short steps toward them, her head jerked harshly at a strong impact from behind, shattering the rear windshield.
Their best guess was that a car had rammed into them, and it was only confirmed when their own tattered vehicle rolled forward, the mystery man climbing right back onto the roof. It wasn't long before the steering wheel was gone, much to the avenger's amazement. Her moment of daze was interrupted by Steve pulled everyone to the passenger seat, falling out of the car as it had elevated from impact.
While Natasha and Steve went sledding down the road on the shield and Sam rolled down like a tootsie roll, Y/N had landed way ahead of them, the purple glow from her hands guaranteeing a somewhat soft landing. It was when she saw the HYDRA agent she felt her 2 years with the Avengers, mostly Tony Stark, had rubbed off on her when she nicknamed him Beefcake.
So, Beefcake had brought out his big gun, aiming it right at the enhanced avenger. Groaning, she just about deflected it towards Steve's shield, sending the blonde flying back in an awkward position that'd elicited a chuckle from her. They three remaining fugitives took cover as Beefcake's backup mercilessly fired their weapons.
Opening a portal onto the road underneath the highway they were stationed at, she rolled through, dodging a nasty bullet or two before standing up, sending a surge of power up towards Beefcake. She received a minute of reprieve before he came back at full force, his bullets gliding into a portal she'd opened for protection before running off.
Chest rising and falling at record pace, her feet aching in the poorly chosen boots, Y/N crouched behind a car in hopes of gaining the element of surprise. She rolled her eyes when a small silver ball rolled toward her, a bomb. Fingertips glowing as they warped open another portal landing right behind Beefcake, she jumped through, legs wrapping around his neck.
Beefcake stumbled back against a van before throwing her to the ground, reaching for his gun to finish the job until purple whisps surrounded his metal arm, heat generating faster than ever, bound to keep him still while she ran away, warning other civilians.
It wasn't long before he caught up to her, bullet scraping by her hip, her running halted just in time as Steve swooped in with his shield. "Nice of you to finally join us, Rogers."
"Good to be back, Y/N." He greeted, as the pair of them confronted Beefcake. It didn't take long for Steve to be MIA again, on the ground writhing in pain as Y/N had been occupied fighting for her life underneath the HYDRA asset. Fighting against his grip on her arm, she just about reached up, ripping his mask away. The gasp that left her lips had been the only thing she heard as crystal blue eyes had become so much clearer.
The Winter Soldier cocked his head. "Who the hell is Bucky?"
Her body had been relieved of pressure as Sam set his feet on the ground. The aftermath of Sam's kick was not evident as he reached for his weapon again, only to be interrupted by another explosion fired by a suffering Natasha. Looking back at where he once stood, Y/N let out a choked sob. They each raised their hands as 'SHIELD' crowded around them, ordering them as if they were law enforcement.
"It was him." She stated, staring at her handcuffs. "He looked right at me, like he didn't even know me."
"How is that possible? Its was like 70 years ago."
Steve pursed his lips at Sam. "Zola. Bucky's whole unit and Y/N were captured in '43."
"He experimented on us. Whatever he did enhanced me and helped Bucky survive the fall." She saw the look on her friend's face. "It's not your fault, Steve. I should've known they tested on him too."
Natasha interjected. "It's not your fault, either."
Y/N closed her eyes, shaking her head as if her mind had refused to accept the reality she was in. The throbbing pain stemming from the slight wound on her hip was a generous pinch to keep her sane. "Even when I had nothing, I had him. Nick was a part of him."
Sam's eyes glossed with sympathy towards the 'young' woman before noticing the blood oozing from the redhead's shoulder. "We need to get a doctor in here. If we don't put pressure on that wound, she's going to bleed out here in the truck." The guard launched forward slightly, aiming a charged electric baton at him, only to plunge it into their colleague's torso.
Maria was relieved of her helmet with a sigh. "That thing was squeezing my brain. Who's this guy?"
With an odd look, she alleviated the pressure around Y/N's wrists, taking the heavy duty handcuffs off. "If I give you a set of coordinates, can you get us a portal there?"
"I'll try my best." Within minutes, a purple circle had become the fugitives' great escape.
They suppressed the urge to ask a 1,001 questions entering the warehouse, even more baffled when they faced a practically bed ridden Nick Fury. "About damn time."
They'd been informed of their mission, to take down SHIELD as a whole. Y/N stood with a tense brow, her thoughts unsure as her fingers trailed the railing of the bridge she'd occupied.
10th of April, 1938.
Bucky Barnes watched his fiancee, mesmerized by the simple action of red pigment coating her lips.
"What are you staring at?" Y/N tugged the oversize shirt closer to her body, looking at his splayed out figure in the reflection of her vanity. The sight of his bare chest had her tummy swarming with the most excited of butterflies.
He leaned forward from his position on the bed. "My beautiful fiancee."
She giggled, rolling her eyes as she stood. "I don't have time for your kisses today, I promised Mary I'd go shopping with her." She balanced a cigarette between her lips, swiftly lighting it. He didn't reply, entranced by the blinding glimmer of the diamond engagement ring on her finger.
"You don't even have time for one kiss." He took the cigarette from between her fingers, placing it in his own mouth. Y/N kissed his cheek with a mischievous smile before pulling up her skirt and tucking her lover's shirt into it, ignoring the whine Bucky gave at her now concealed undergarments. "That's not fair."
She combed her fingers through her hair, pouting her lips in faux pity. "Why don't you go visit Steve today? See how he's doing. Take some of last night's dinner with you, he needs to eat more than boiled veggies."
"Yes, ma'am." He stood behind her, large hands falling onto her waist, sweeping them up and down, along the curves and dips of her stomach and hips before completely wrapping his arms around her. "I love you. I love you in this life, and I'll love you in the next, and the next."
As he buried his face into her neck, Y/N smiled in failed frustration. "James," She playfully warned. "I'll see you tonight."
He huffed as she spun to face him, patting his chest in appreciation. "Fine. Can I have a kiss?" She leaned up, not quite meeting him as he halted her. "A proper one, this time."
She grinned, raising her eyebrows in disbelieve before pecking his lips. What was originally a peck turned into a prolonged declaration of love from Bucky, leaving her to pull away, leaving him dazed. "I love you. I'll see you soon."
"I love you, more. See you later, doll."
Sam's quiet footsteps snapped her out of her daydream. "He's going to be there, you know."
Y/N let out a humorless chuckle. "I know."
"Look, whoever he used to be and the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop."
She shrugged. "Well, you have to stop someone to save them, right?"
"He might not give you the chance. He doesn't know you."
"He will." She countered, confident. "He'll remember me. I'll stop him, then I'll save him."
They'd successfully infiltrated SHIELD, Y/N, Steve and Sam heading out towards the hellicarriers on Maria's guidance.
"Hey, how do we know the good guys from bad guys?" Sam quizzed.
Y/N laughed. "If they're shooting at you, they're bad."
They all parted ways, beginning the ascent to the hellicarriers. Sam with his wings, Y/N devising portals upwards and Steve just being Steve. It didn't take long for explosions and literal hell to rain down on the three.
"L/N, status?" She responded to Maria's call, hopping through portals while attempting to dodge incoming bullets.
"Trying my fucking best- engaging!" She grunted, launching blasts of purple heat at said bad guys. "Alright, I'm in."
"Me, too." Sam responded.
"Alpha lock." Steve confirmed.
She was so close, so close yet so far. Jumping threw another entryway, she was instantly thrashed into the side of a structure, a wound evident on her side as Sam expressed his difficulty with 'the bad guys' over the comms. "I'm down, but I'm working on it." She gasped, fingers working to produce flecks of purple, heating the injury, mitigating her of pain.
"You good, Y/N?"
"Never been better, Rogers." She muttered, instantly getting back to work. "I can't get a portal directly to the helicarrier, but I'm almost there."
"Good. Bravo locked."
She continued her journey, the hairs at the back of her neck alarming her of something near. Him.
She steadied herself. "You're not as good as you think." Y/N was quick to block the incoming punch, turning around and twisting it as she went, kneeing Bucky in the torso. Kicking him back, she opened a portal to the nearby helicarrier, stepping through just in time.
The avenger jogged through the metal walkways, sighing when he landed before her. "People are going to die, Bucky. Don't make me do this, don't make me hurt you." She failed to mask the crack in her voice, the dryness of her throat.
When he made no attempt to move, she closed her eyes momentarily, hurling a ball of heat at him, commencing their fight. His guns were quick to be kicked away during combat, falling off the edge of the bridge. He switched to a knife, easily being over powered by his foe. "You were always better with a gun." She taunted, opening the center core.
He didn't let her complete her mission, launching himself at her, only to be kicked off. They paused, knife dangerously close to her neck, purple force eliciting from her hands attempting to inch it away. Y/N shoved him away, tending back to the center, using as much energy as she could to create a forcefield of heat around her. She took out the helicarrier's blade, reaching into her boot for what was left to complete of her mission.
She turned, striking Bucky through the forcefield before he got to close. She certainly wasn't prepared for it to fall immediately, leaving her to once again fight him hand to hand, causing them to fall down to another level of the helicarrier, the targeting blade slipping through her fingers.
Y/N spotted the small device, knocking him back and jumping, a large thump echoing from the glass, to retrieve it. She ran, like her life depended on it, a sharp pierce had bloomed on her hip, sending her down. She plucked it out with a strangled cry, pinning down it's wielder. "Drop it." She noticed the targeting blade in his hand. Forcing Bucky's arm into many positions, bone cracking and screams ripping at her heart. "Drop it!" She yelled.
She fell onto her back, arm around his neck and leg hooked over his metal arm. The enhanced woman took the device the second Bucky's body went limp, whispering a quiet apology before opening a portal to the center. It was farther than expected due to her exhaustion, her run towards the destination was slowed by the wound she'd acquired on her hip. "30 seconds, Y/N." Maria informed, antsy.
"Stand by." She gasped for air, leaning on the railing. A gunshot went off, an agonizing throb occurred in her shoulder. Y/N was sure 30 seconds had gone by as tears slipped down her face, failure hitting her harder than a bullet.
Pushing herself up with a groan, she slipped the blade into it's compartment, falling back with a whimper. "Charlie lock."
"Okay, Y/N, you have to get out of there."
Wincing, Y/N shook her head as if Maria could see her. "Fire now."
"I'm not going to make it. Fire now!"
Her aching body was carelessly thrown around as a result of the rattling, her surroundings crumbling as she hung on to the one metal railing. She stood, through all the commotion, approaching a trapped Bucky Barnes.
Curling her hands underneath the structure that had him down, she pulled it up with a strain, wrists aching and neck pulsing at the sheer weight. Releasing it harshly when he crawled away, they faced each other again. "You know me." She insisted.
"No, I don't!" He retaliated with a punch, luckily missed by the skilled super soldier.
"You've known me your entire life," Another lazy hit missed. "Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. You are my fiance." Another.
"I'm not going to fight you, sweetheart. You're the love of my life."
He ran towards her, caging her to the ground with his weight. "You're my mission."
"Then finish it. I love you in this life, and I'll love you in the next, and the next."
Bucky couldn't find it in him to hurt the woman before him, his eyes displaying a degree of horror she'd never seen before.
Under the stress of havoc, the glass beneath her broke, sending Y/N L/N to the water.
Waking up in a fit of coughs, the ache in her body gone and the inflammation in her hip healed, she squinted at a retreating figure.
"Hey!" She yelled, scrambling after him. Bucky turned, weary. "Can I show you something?"
He nodded, hesitant. The familiar shade of lilac engulfed the pair, their surroundings a stark contrast to the river. "Where have you taken me?"
"We're still by the river, it just looks different. We used to live here, together."
The assassin took one step forward, deeming it safe before he looked around. "Who is this?" He pointed to a picture from the Stark expo. Nick had been on Bucky's shoulders, his parents sharing their own embrace.
"That's our son, Nick. We took him to the Stark expo in 1943 before we went to England. You really doted on him."
"We have a son?"
She nodded. "You do. He's about 77 right now. We've got great grandchildren, too." Y/N observed the man, smiled at how in awe he was of the past life he lived, "If you wanted to, I could help you remember. I have a safehouse, no one knows where it is. We could stay there."
I don’t really want to say that it’s a Bucky fic since I see Y/N and him as more platonic than love interests but if you prefer it to be a romantic relationship, go ahead!
I wrote and finished this at 2 in the morning. I tried to make it more bearable but honestly, I think it’s beyond saving. It’s a waste of effort not to post it though so here.
Requests are open!
TW: The darkness/voices are euphemisms for depression, Y/N is an insomniac, instances where world destruction and violence are mentioned.
When you’re an Avenger, there are certain responsibilities that the world expected from you, one of which was being a protector. The person the world could call on when they experience a disaster that they couldn’t face without their help. The Avengers are, after all, a group of remarkable people and this was the sole reason why they were created.
Watching Nat, Steve, Tony, Thor and the rest of the other Avengers in action – yes, Y/N found that it fit them, being called protectors. That was who they are at their very core. Steve would jump in front of a speeding bullet to protect a child; Nat would run in straight lines rather than zigzags if she was being shot at, if only to avoid civilian casualties; Tony would sooner protect Pepper by casting his suit towards her rather than himself if it meant that she would be safe. They were, at the very core, protectors.
Perhaps that’s why Y/N felt like she didn’t quite belong. She wasn’t a protector, she was the person the Avengers should be protecting the world from.
It was silly, really. Even now, after a full year of working with the Avengers, she still couldn’t fathom what possessed the team to try and turn her into a hero.
Wanda and Pietro? She could understand that. Sure, they’ve done some deplorable things but they did it in anger and though it doesn’t quite justify their actions, Y/N saw them easily fitting in with the team. At their very core, Wanda and Pietro were good.
Y/N couldn’t relate to that. She wasn’t good. She was anything but good.
When the Avengers had rescued her from Hydra, she was sure that they would kill her. She would have, if she was in their position. She was a freak, after all. A weirdo with abilities that shouldn’t exist on this Earth. A power that was no match for anyone, not even Wanda.
She was autopotent. She had complete and limitless control over herself, which brought her closer to the status of a god rather than a human being.
If she wanted, she could give herself the ability to shape shift or the ability to alter reality. One thought and she could have fire dancing at her fingertips or give herself the ability to plunge the world in darkness. Her limitless power could end worlds just as easily as she could create them. She had no limit, no end. She was Eternity and she was infinite.
She hated it and she hated Hydra for turning her into this.
She’s tried to purge herself of her powers several times in the past and some of the attempts had even caused her to accidentally end her own life but nothing she did worked. She’d wake up the next day just as powerful as ever. Her abilities clung to her like tar, unwilling to give up the powerful vessel they inhabited.
She thought she could live with the power and that, perhaps, it may even be a good thing. After all, power over oneself? Most people would kill for that. Except, she doubted they’d end a life if they found out that with her power came the horrible, evil voices that refused to leave her alone.
They whispered to her every day, flooding her mind with horrible images. Her friends dead at her feet, blood pooling from their eyes, the world laid to waste, fire and destruction enveloping the world, erasing the greenery and the life and plunging the world in darkness.
She could ignore it easily enough when she was surrounded by her friends. Sam and Bucky’s banter often made her laugh and her laughter deafened her ears to the whispering darkness; physical training with Steve, Nat and Clint often left her ears ringing and her mind too tired to take notice of the darkness; playing video games with Thor, Loki and Peter helped her to ignore the whispers; experimentation with Bruce and Tony and even movie marathons with Wanda and Vision made the darkness disappear. They couldn’t touch her when she was happy and with her friends, not when she was so full of life and light.
But when she was alone, when the sun has faded and her hunger was satiated, when she was isolated and by herself, that is when the whispers began to scream.
Tonight, they were loud, unbearably so. Image after image of destruction flooded her mind. Every blink she made was agony, images of her dead friends searing across her eyelids.
These are what will come to pass, the voices said. Let destruction rain on humanity and welcome death’s embrace.
She almost wanted to cry. She wishes she could tell her friends what was going on with her but she couldn’t burden them with these. They had enough on their plate as it is.
She sighed and sat at the edge of her bed. It was clear that sleep would not come to her tonight as it rarely came to her at all.
Let go of your rage and fury. Let destruction rain.
She ignored the voices and trudged out of her room. The voices followed her out like a dark, fetid breeze but she’s found that when she was in motion, it was easier to ignore the voices.
She was quiet, her slippers in her hand as she shuffled around the compound in her bare feet. When she was out of the sleeping quarters, she placed her fluffy slippers by her feet, wore them and walked. She passed the dining room, the living room, the sitting room and the elevators before she finally arrived in the dark, empty kitchen.
“Friday, do you think you can turn the lights on?” She said into the emptiness, her voice quiet, only a step above a whisper. She was afraid to shatter the stillness in the compound and though she knew she could make as much noise as she wanted without fear of waking any of her friends because of how far the kitchen was from the sleeping quarters, she was afraid that saying anything too loud would seem like an invitation to the darkness.
The lights turned on and Y/N stood there for a moment, her eyes adjusting to the light. When her eyes adjusted, Y/N shuffled towards the pantry. She pulled the door open and the light above her came to light, illuminating the space. The space was large, as most things were when Tony created them. There was enough food in here to last them at least a year, even if they ate three square meals a day at the compound. A variety of snacks and chips lined the wall as well as canned goods, loaves of bread and packs of powdered drinks. There was even a wall dedicated for coffee syrups for when the Avengers had gotten into a whole boba phase and Tony had attempted to create some for the team. It didn’t end very well.
She smiled against the memory and for a moment, the voices quieted themselves as warmth and joy flooded her. The feeling was fleeting and soon, the voices returned.
You are a god in a sea of mortals. End their lives claim your power.
She grabbed a random pack of instant noodles with one hand and on the other hand, she grabbed the open canister of cocoa powder.
“Did you find everything you needed, Ms. Y/L/N?” Friday asked her as she closed the pantry’s door behind her.
“I did, yes. Thank you, Friday,” Y/N said with a soft smile.
She opened one of the cupboards and with a wave of her hand, two pots floated from the cupboard and towards the waiting stove. Another wave of her hand and water flowed from the sink and towards the two waiting pots. A thought had the fire roiling beneath the pots.
Fire shall cleanse the world and purify it. Destruction is imminent.
She walked towards the refrigerator and took out the carton of milk, a small can of condensed milk and a single egg.
You are power, life and death itself. The Avengers are but a limitation you placed upon yourself. End them and let yourself reign.
She let the monotony of her actions drive her, center her. They helped to drown the voices out, and so she carefully studied each of her actions as she went through the motions, almost like she narrated them in her head.
When the water turned into a roiling boil, Y/N placed the uncooked noodles and its seasoning in one pot while she lowered the heat of the other and added tablespoon after tablespoon of the cocoa powder. She added the milk and a touch of the condensed milk and a sprinkle of cinnamon before she turned the heat off and poured the dark liquid on her favorite mug. She frowned when she realize that she’s made too much hot cocoa. She added the egg on the other pot and instead of transferring its cooked contents into a bowl, she simply took a pair of chopsticks from one of the drawers and waved her hand, the pot and mug following her as she walked towards the empty kitchen island.
The smell of the noodles wafted through her nose, causing her mouth to salivate. As she took the chopsticks and raised the noodles to her lips, she heard a set of shuffling footsteps and, strangely enough, Bucky walked in wearing a simple pair of boxer shorts and a black t-shirt. His short, fluffy, hair stuck up at odd angles, which made it obvious that he’s just rolled out of bed. His eyes were shut against the sudden bright light of the kitchen, his metal arm hiding his face in shadow as he waited for his eyes ro adjust. When it did, he regarded her curiously. “Y/N? What are you doing so early in the morning?”
She looked comical with noodles hanging from her mouth, her chopstick raised in midair. She slurped the noodles in the most unladylike way possible and covered her mouth with her hand before she answered Bucky, who was looked at her with an amused expression. “I’m eating.” The words came out garbled because of the food in her but Bucky understood her nonetheless.
“I can see that,” He said with a smile as he walked towards her. “Is that hot chocolate?” He pointed to her mug.
She swallowed her noodles as she nodded. “Yeah. I made extra if you want some.”
An image flashed across her mind, Bucky dead on the floor, his body a mangled mess of injuries. She pushed the image away.
He took a mug from one of the cupboard, filled it with the hot chocolate and raised it to his lips. A look of pleasant surprised graced his features as the flavors of the chocolate filled his mouth. “Wow. This is really good.”
Y/N gave him a smile, his compliment warming her body and silencing the whispers, if only a little. “Thanks. I’d give you the recipe but it’s a secret.”
“Well you are full of secrets,” Bucky laughed as she took the seat next to her on the kitchen island. “Eating out of the pot, I see.”
“I don’t like doing dishes,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose.
“I don’t either.”
Y/N slurped some of her noodles, this time in a smaller quantity to make it easier for her to chew and swallow it. “Do you want some?”
Kill him and end his ceaseless suffering.
She handed the chopsticks towards Bucky’s awaiting hand and watched him slurp some of the noodles down.
“So what are you doing up this early?” Bucky asked her when he handed the pot back to her.
“I haven’t really gone to bed yet,” she shrugged. “Couldn’t really sleep. You?”
“Same.” Bucky said with a tight smile. “Nightmares.”
Y/N gave him an understanding smile. She may not understand what it’s like to have nightmares but she understood torment. She experienced it everyday. And though Bucky’s torment came in a different form, suffering was something they shared.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Y/N asked gently.
“Nothing really to talk about. It’s the same old nightmares about Hydra. How about you? Do you experience insomnia often?”
Y/N gave him a rueful smile. “Everyday.”
“You don’t really seem tired.”
She waved her fingers and sparkles of magic fell from her fingers. They disappeared before they reached the floor.
“Right. Superpowers,” Bucky chuckled.
Y/N took a big bite of the noodles and handed the pot back to Bucky who did the same.
“I’m guessing your nightmares are about Hydra?”
Bucky stared at her intently. For a moment, Y/N thought she may have intruded and offended him by the callousness of the question but he smiled at her and her worries eased.
“Yeah. They can’t seem to get out of my head,” he replied. “It’s mostly about my missions though. The people I’ve…” he trailed off and Y/N instantly understood the shame that lodged in his throat, stopping the words from coming out.
A killer. He doesn’t deserve to live.
She gave the supersoldier a reassuring smile. “I get insomnia because of the voices.”
Bucky’s attention snapped at her in surprise. “Voices?”
“I’m not crazy,” Y/N added hastily before Bucky could say anything. “No need to call Bruce on me. I just… the voices, they come with the territory. I think it’s because of Hydra. Some kind of psychological experiment they were trying on me. The scientists in charge of me died before they could finish the job and the Team rescued me soon after. The voices tell me to do these terrible, awful things and they show me horrible images. It’s why I can’t sleep at night. It’s exhausting to push them away.”
“You haven’t tried to use your powers to make them go away?”
“I have. Believe me, I have. They go away but they always managed to find their way back to me.”
Kill him and let blood rain. We are your only true friends.
“You should tell someone,” Bucky said softly. “Maybe Bruce can find a way to—“
“Bucky, if I can’t fix it, no one can.” She said the words gently, like she was the on reassuring him. “This is just my reality. There’s no changing it anymore. I just have to learn to live with it.”
“Do you spend all your nights like this? Drinking hot chocolate and eating ramen?”
“Sometimes, it’s ice cream,” Y/N said with a chuckle. “Or chips or leftover food we had for dinner. Sometimes I bake. The hot cocoa always stays though.”
“Is that why our kitchen always smells like chocolate chip cookies?”
Y/N nodded eagerly and Bucky let out a loud laugh.
“Steve and I always wonder why our kitchen smells so good in the morning,” Bucky smiled, or what looked like the ghost of it. Something about the way Bucky smiled often reminded Y/N of a promise. A slight lilt at edge of his lips, his eyes alighting just a tad, almost like he was teasing you, daring you to ask him to smile. “And you spent your time alone? What do you do all these hours?”
“Lots of things. Sometimes I read. I can go through an entire book in one sitting. Sometimes, after I eat, I train my magic or my fighting skills. Other times, I go out on a run.”
“Alone. Always alone.”
Bucky stared at her, his face unreadable. He let the words settle on his skin, let it echo and rattle in his head.
Not truly alone.
A lonely existence. It was awful, Y/N had to admit. She lived in a building full of people and yet she was always lonely. Somehow, Y/N knew that this was a premise to the rest of her existence. She didn’t know why has these abilities or how she even got them. And some part of her knew that she was probably immortal and that she would live a lonely, wretched life until the Earth turned into dust, most likely by her hand, by her limitless power.
“Well with the exception of Friday,” Y/N joked.
There was a hum as Friday powered up at the sound of her name. “Happy to be of service, Ms. Y/L/N.”
“But this night—“ she gestured with her hands “— it’s my first night with someone else. I have to be admit, it’s nice. I like your company, Barnes.”
Bucky matched her smile and she found the simple gesture warming her insides faster than the hot cocoa. “I like your company too.”
Conversation ebbed and flowed easily between them, the voices fading into a dull sound and the edges of her mind. Soon the ramen was finished and their cups drained to the bottom but that didn’t stop Y/N and Bucky. A bond had formed between them, a silent understanding. Though their circumstances were different, there was always something about torment and shared trauma that bound people together.
They talked about the years they spent in Hydra, memories that they remembered from their previous lives and who they were before they were taken. They talked about the team, the little habits that the Avengers had that annoyed them, the things they loved about them. They talked about anything and everything and they only stopped when the sun’s golden fingers reached across the sky, alighting the once dark canvas into shades of pink and purple.
The next night was the same. Voices, her vision edged by darkness.
Slaughter them. Kill them. Reclaim your right as ruler of the world.
She waited until she was sure that the whole house was asleep before grabbing her slippers and padding out of her room and straight into the kitchen. After taking the opened box of hot cocoa and she went through the motions of creating her signature hot chocolate and this time made sure to create enough for four people. Last night, Bucky had mentioned that he’d like to have some of it again and perhaps even share a cup of it with Steve and Sam.
Tonight, she decided that she would bake.
They all deserve to die. They are ants, mere insects in your presence. End their petty existence and take your place.
With a wave of her hand, bowls, measuring spoons and cups and ingredients floated all around her before finding their way on top of the kitchen counter. Another wave had a cookbook flying towards her, opening at the page for creating brownies. It levitated a few inches off the ground, as though propped up by invisible hands.
An image flash in her head. Her friends laying under the rubble of the compound, their eyes open but glassy, crushed under the weight of the cement. She pushed the thought away.
She was just about to crack and egg over a bowl when she heard the shuffling of feet. Several feet actually. Her attention turned towards the door where she found the Avengers piling into the kitchen, all dressed in pajamas, with Bucky leading the group.
“Guys,” Y/N said in disbelief. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you all be in bed?”
They mean to disrespect you. They deserve to perish.
“We could ask you the same thing,” Nat said with a smirk.
“Barnes here said you made a mean hot chocolate and I for one would love to try it,” Tony said as he circled around the kitchen. He reached for her still steaming mug. “This it?” Before she could even reply, he’d raised it to his lips.
Y/N gaze snapped to Bucky and he gave her a sheepish smile.
End them. Kill them. They mean to offend you.
“That is good,” Tony said after a loud sip. “Oh that is really good. You guys have got to try this.”
Tony passed the mug to Nat who took a small sip. She closed her eyes, a happy and content look on her face. “That is amazing.”
“Thank you,” Y/N said, almost in astonishment. She couldn’t even bring herself to be upset that Tony had stolen her chocolate. “I didn’t make enough for all of us though. You’ll have to wait if you all want some.”
“That’s alright,” Steve said, taking a seat on one of the vacant chairs on the island. The other Avengers followed suit, taking their own seats, filling up the counter like customers in a diner. “We can wait. We’ll even help you.”
They deserve nothing but death.
“It’s my secret recipe,” she said sheepishly, unable to contain her blossoming smile. “You all sit there. I’ll make it.” And so she got more cartons of milk and more condensed milk and more cinnamon powder and even more cocoa powder. She even got some cacao nibs from the pantry, to add a little something extra to the hot chocolate.
“Are you baking something?” Wanda asked from where she sat, peering at the still floating pages of the open cookbooks.
“Brownies,” she answered as she whisked the chocolate.
“What are brownies?” Thor asked them curiously.
“You’ve never had brownies, Mr. Thor?” Peter asked in surprise as he entered the kitchen.
You are darkness, eternal. You are the life of the universe. They are nothing.
“Kid,” Tony said with a sigh as he ran a disappointed hand over his face. “You have school tomorrow. You should be in bed. What are you doing here?”
“Mr. Bucky Barnes said that there was a team meeting…” Peter’s sentence trailed off, suddenly unsure.
“At 2 in the morning?” Sam asked with raised eyebrows. “C’mon, kid. This is an adults only meeting. Come back when you can grow a beard.”
“Stop bullying him,” Y/N laughed from where she stood, stirring the chocolate to make sure that the nibs were broken down. “He can stay.”
“T-thank you, Ms. Y/L/N,” Peter stuttered taking the last vacant seat.
“Do you need help with the brownies?” Wanda asked. “We’d love to help.”
Y/N smiled. “Sure. You guys can get it started.”
“What are brownies?” Thor repeated.
“They are baked goods, I believe. Created out of chocolate and flour and eggs. The internet often gets into debates about which pieces are the best.” Vision replied.
Easy conversation soon echoed around the room, followed by the sound of clinking glass bowls and spatulas and spoons scraping and mixing batters. It replaced the quiet that Y/N has come to associate with the kitchen. She smiled as she heard the team chatting amongst themselves and she could feel her heart swell with love.
She saw Bucky approach her and he helped her fill the mugs she had set in place.
“You didn’t have to do this for me, you know,” Y/N said with a smile.
“I wanted to,” Bucky smiled. There it was again, that promising smile. “You need to know that you are not alone. Not when you’re with us.”
Y/N stared at him. She noted the openness in his face, at his languid posture and his promise of a smile. He continued to fill up the mugs, oblivious to her stare.
Y/N held his metal hand stopping him from scooping the last bits of chocolate. He looked at her in surprise and she said in a quiet voice so that the others couldn’t hear, “Thank you.”
Y/N watched as Bucky’s smile widened from a promise to a promise accomplished, a resolute feeling that could only be appreciated in the certainty of fulfillment.
Y/N knew she would tuck this memory away forever, frame it in the deep recess of her mind. This was one of the few times she felt truly loved, surrounded by her friends, her family. Never has she felt such a strong feeling of affection and contentment, never has the voices been silenced and stayed silent.
She knew they would come back, as was inevitable. When the plates where washed and the laughter has ceased and her friends had returned to their respective rooms, she knew the voices would return. But worrying about the future only served to take away the peace of now.
So, she shook the thoughts away from her head and served the hot chocolate and, with some help from her friends, laughed the night away.
A/N: OMG, I am so overwhelmed from the love I received on the first part. It was literally written in like 30 minutes because I was listening to Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. I never expected that. Also, because of the first part of the story, I reached more than 120 followers. Thank you, thank you soooo much. I love you all and I hope you'll stick around for another stories. Another thing...there will be third and last part of Traitor because I'm planing some kind of confrontation between Alison and reader. So, enjoy and let me know what you think.
TRAITOR (part 1)
It was safe to say, I didn’t hold up to my own resolutions as much as I tried and didn't manage to be "strong". I knew I had to leave the safety of Natasha’s room in the compound because it would be easy for Bucky to find me, and that was the last thing I wanted. I knew we would have to eventually talk, but I swore it’s only going to be in the presence of my lawyer during our divorce. Right now, I needed to be ready for the upcoming, very important event. The birth of my child.
Natasha took me away after two days I spent in the compound when Bucky stormed in, and FRIDAY locked the doors to Natasha’s room before he could get in. There was a lot of yelling from Natasha and Wanda, but also Bucky and of course Steve who had his homeboy’s back. As always.
For the last three weeks, my new home was a property of SHIELD, no longer used as a safe house. And this whole time, Natasha and Wanda stuck to me like glue, even though I told them they can return to the compound and continue with their work. When they both dramatically turned off their phones and put them deep in a drawer, I knew that was their final decision. They won’t leave me, and I was so thankful that somebody was in my corner during this hard time. Even if it wasn’t the father of my child.
The last three days, my mood swings were going crazy. Crazier than ever before. I couldn’t sleep, I was in the bathroom, peeing constantly, my feet were swollen, and I looked and felt as if I was going to burst any second. Which was the truth. I was always sad, heartbroken, sometimes angry, cursing Bucky either in my head or out loud. It was a tough time. I should have been happy, but he took that away from me.
It was another sleepless night for me. I was frustrated, not able to find a good position when the belly was in my way constantly. My eyes were swollen and wet from the tears and my cheeks pink from the bottled-up anger. I wanted to scream at someone. Preferably Bucky, to tell him how much he hurt me, I want him to always remember that.
In a single moment of weakness, I reached for my phone, and after more than three weeks, turned the device on. Messages from Bucky, Steve, Sam, and even Tony popped up immediately. And then the ridiculous amount of missed phone calls. I should never turn it on, forgetting that the person whose calls you missed gets a notification that you're available. And Bucky took that opportunity, ringing my phone before I even had a chance to read or delete a single message.
My first thought was to not pick up. Obviously. But then, the other part won. I wanted closure. Wanted to tell him what I felt, and I wanted him to know that I’m suffering because of his reckless, heartless actions. So, I picked it up and waited. “Doll,” his voice was quiet, raspy and it sounded as if he was crying. “You don’t…you don’t have to say anything, just listen. I want to tell you everything. I want you to know everything,” I still waited without a sound, knowing my throat was tightly squeezed by anxiety. “When you told me, that we are going to be parents, I was the happiest man on the earth. That’s exactly what I wanted, what we wanted, even though it was a surprise. I wanted a child with you, only with you. But the doubts that came, after I processed the information, were fucking up my mind. I was doing it to myself, mocking myself, laughing at myself. How can I think for a split second that I could be a father? How could I even think that I could give something good to our child? I was spiralling so fast, so low and as much as you always stood by me, I knew I couldn’t lay this on you. Not when you were in such a fragile state. I bottled it up for weeks, then I went to a bar after a mission. Alone, I just wanted to think. It was the end of January. Alison worked behind a bar, and we had a conversation. Very vague, just like she probably had with any other customer. I should have left, but I am an asshole. Dumb asshole. I stayed for way too long. I was the only one there, the last customer and she was there, and my fucked-up mind told me to sabotage everything I had. Everything I love. Everything I fought for all this time. And then, I came home, and you were there, smiling at me, being so perfect and I was never more disgusted with myself,” although I tried to be quiet, I knew he heard the tiny sob that escaped my lips.
He sighed but continued with a broken, shaky voice. “I saw you and you were so good, so unaware of what I just did to you, to us, to our marriage, to our baby. I saw you and then I saw myself and I couldn’t make myself even touch you or kiss you. I felt too dirty for it. I was scared I would taint you. Your perfect heart. I was…so disgusted with myself like never before because I can’t find an excuse. This was me. This was all on me. And I was bottling it up, making everything worse because I saw how sad you were, how you thought that it was your fault I was so distant,” he stopped because his voice suddenly broke. I heard a sniffle and then he continued. “It was never your fault, baby. Nothing is your fault, you are perfect. It’s all on me, and I will never forgive myself for doing it and what more, I will never forgive myself for leaving you when you needed me the most. I should have known I would only destroy you.”
I took a deep breath and finally got the courage to use my voice. “Did you sleep with her after that?” I asked.
“I'm sorry. I was...I was getting to it. It was March, and I was so done with everything. I was seeing you everywhere, but at the same time, I was missing you like never before. I wanted to be with you, but I knew I was not worth it. And I wanted to tell you so many times, but you were pregnant, and I just couldn’t…” he got quiet after that for a little while. “I went to that damned bar again. I don’t know why. And I just talked to her. And I would come often after that, always talking about what a waste of space, what a good for nothing husband I was, and she’d listen. I needed to get it off my chest, but I had nobody to talk to. Sam and Steve would kill me and told you immediately. I just needed to at least pretend somebody else knows. Even if it was just her,” this time, I cut him off.
“Do you love her? Do you feel anything to her?” I asked, scared of the answer.
“No, no, absolutely not. I don’t feel a thing to her. There’s nothing from me. I don’t…I don’t even see her as a friend. Those were not a friendly conversation. She was basically my shrink at that point,” he said immediately.
“You said that from you there’s nothing. Does she feel something?”
Yet again, his lack of answer told me everything. Some woman fell in love with my husband. “She says she does. But I don’t. Nothing at all.”
“So what else happened between you two?” I asked and closed my eyes preparing for the worst.
“We…we had sex again, for the second and also last time. It was almost two months ago and when it happened, I knew I can’t go on like this. I refused to return. I never wanted to see that woman again. She found out my phone number. Or maybe I gave it to her. I don’t know. I don't remember. All those times in that bar are so hazy. She wanted to talk about us, but for me, there was no us, when I finally decided that I will tell you everything and hope you will forgive me one day. And then you found out in a way I didn’t want you to."
I was quiet, trying to process what he told me. Trying to think of a scenario when I would ever do something like this to Bucky with another man. But I wouldn't, because no matter what I always thought he was my endgame. I couldn't imagine myself with another man. “I just…I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, whipping away the tears.
“You don’t have to say anything. Thank you for listening. It’s more than I deserve,” his raspy voice sent shivers down my spine, but I really couldn’t tell if in a good or bad way. My emotions were so affected by my hormones, I myself, couldn’t tell what I was feeling. The only thing I knew was, that I just can’t forgive Bucky right now.
“It’s a lot to take in and if I’m being honest, it’s really complicated for me right now, with all the hormones and everything. You hurt me, Bucky. You hurt me like no one else, ever. But they say, the person you love the most will always hurt you the most,” I wasn’t going to sugarcoat the truth for him. I wanted, needed, him to know how I feel. “I thought, I've always thought you would never do something like this. All I can think about these past weeks is you with another woman. And the fact that you put that woman before your wife and your child. I can't erase it from my mind.”
“I would never put anyone above you, you need to…” he started to defend himself, but I harshly cut him off.
“But you did, though. At some point, you did, even if you don’t want to admit it. Because you were fucking her in some bar, while I was waiting for you at home,” I would be surprised if the ever so vigilant Natasha didn’t hear my outburst. “And I just can’t get that image of you two out of my memory. It was supposed to be just you and me. Just like always. That’s what we promised. But you brought a third person between us, to ruin it.”
“I’m so sorry,” I could say he knew his sorry wasn’t enough, but he had nothing else to say.
“I will be honest with you, Bucky. Right now, this baby is my priority, then perhaps we can talk in person. But I’m not going to lie, I don’t know if things can back to the way they used to be before all of this. I don’t know.”
“I know. I wasn’t expecting you to. I don’t deserve it. I just wanted to give you the truth, just like I was supposed to do so long ago. You were right. I wasn’t there for you. I disrespected you in the worst way. And you are the last person who deserves that. But I also want you to know that…I will never, ever turn my back on you again. I want to be there, for you, for our child. Please, we can be separated, you don’t have to talk to me, but please, I want our child to know me. Please,” his pleading was desperate, and if he was in front of me, he would be already begging on his knees.
“I would never take the baby’s father away. Never,” I said vehemently, and his breath of relief told me that he was happy with the answer. Maybe, just maybe, during our separation, I had vindictive thoughts about Bucky never seeing our child. But in the end, it would just bite me in the ass. I couldn’t do that to my baby, and I couldn’t let myself get so low and hateful. It wouldn't solve anything.
After that, I had to end our call abruptly, before he could hear the hysterical cries coming out of my mouth. It was just too much. One part of me wanted to save what was left of our marriage. Either for me or for the baby to be raised in a whole family. The other part had a lot of questions and no answers.
Would I be able to look at Bucky the same way?
Could I ever get past this?
Would I be able to forgive him?
Would I ever trust him again?
Would I be able to trust anyone ever again, when the only person I trusted unconditionally, betrayed me like this?
I couldn't find the right answers to any of these questions. And I didn't even have much time to speculate about them, because one day after my call with Bucky, the baby decided to come out to the world. My water broke in the kitchen and Wanda and Natasha were both next to me in a second. It was funny really because I had to soothe the two frantic, panicking women and explain to them, that it was pointless to go to the hospital right away. They won’t take me yet. The next few hours were excruciating but somehow funny at the same time. Like when I taught Natasha how to properly breathe because the famous Russian ex-assassin was almost ready to faint.
Then, when we were ready to go to the hospital, Wanda called Bucky to let him know and he was at the hospital before us. Whatever happened between us. However complicated things are, we were the future parents and we had to stick together during this time. As a grown people, we needed to throw away any hard feelings, any hurt feelings and be ready to welcome our child into this world. That’s the priority.
“It’s just a matter of minutes and we will start. You’re almost ready, mom,” said the smiling nurse and left my room again.
“You’re doing so great,” whispered Bucky, who was standing next to my bed with his flesh arm on my pillow. I knew he wanted more contact but was too afraid to ask for it. I wanted to answer something, but the next contraction hit me like a brick to the head.
“Oh my god, I’m so ready for the baby to be out,” I whimpered and mentally prepared for the pain that was yet to come.
“Soon. And he or she will be in your arms,” his hand was in my hair, but right now, I didn’t mind. It was comfort and I would take it, no matter what.
The pain was, at some points, unbearable. I was sure that I heard Bucky’s fingers crack when I crushed them more and more with each push. I couldn’t breathe and my vision was all fuzzy. It may have seemed like it took hours before the screaming baby was out, but in reality, the real birth took only a couple of minutes. And before I could even blink, or finally take a deep breath, the nurse was handing me a small baby in a white cloth.
“Congratulations, you have a strong, healthy girl,” she smiled at me, and I slowly pushed the blanket away to look at her small, wrinkly, yet beautiful face. She didn’t like the fact that she was kicked out of her mom’s safe nest. That much was evident with the grumpy look on her face. Or maybe it was genetic and she took after her father. Grumpy before she can even open her eyes. She had definitely his thick, dark hair.
“My God, she’s beautiful,” said Bucky in a whisper, when he leaned over us.
“Isn’t she?” I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. So tiny, yet a whole human being who came out of me just seconds ago, who was also the outcome of my and Bucky’s relationship. A human being who was completely mine and Bucky’s. “She’s ours,” I smiled and looked up at him.
He nodded his head. “Yes, she is.”
“Dad? Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” asked the nurse, after she apologized for taking away our daughter again. Bucky looked at me as if asking for permission and I nodded.
After that, she was finally just ours. Finally, in the piece of my room, we could look at her, count her fingers and toes over and over again. When Bucky held her on his chest, I wished I never saw the message from Alison. Ignorance is bliss, right? But I knew and right now, at this moment, he is just the father of my daughter. My baby daddy. Perhaps future ex-husband.
I wish I could kiss him. I wish he would hold me and tell me he loved me. I wish I could still see him as my husband instead of seeing him as a man who’s no longer mine. That thought hurt me more than I cared to admit. But right now, when he was smiling with our daughter in his arms, I decided to leave it be for the future.
“I’m so proud of you,” the gentle tone in his voice made me snap my head to him. I may have been tired, but I saw the look in his eyes. I saw it many times before. For the first time in months, I saw he still cared. “Thank you. For everything. And for her. She’s truly a…gift,” he looked down at the baby curled up on his chest and smiled.
This had to be enough. For me and Bucky. I wasn’t ready to forgive, forget and move on. The wounds were too raw and the pain too fresh. But us being good parents for our daughter was enough.
Zemo walked through the door, closing it behind him quietly. He searched for you quietly, aware you’d likely be asleep at this hour. He found you on the couch, where you had attempted to stay awake for him.
A yellow knitted throw blanket was wrapped around you, and you were half sitting up, having fallen asleep mid-episode of a sitcom.
Zemo smiled at you, amused by your sleeping figure. He shut off the television before picking you up, carrying you to bed so you could have a proper night's sleep.
His heart melted as you snuggled into his chest in your sleep, unconsciously recognizing the presence of your lover. He kissed your forehead, brushing stray hair from your face. He listened to your steady breathing, contently watching you sleep before drifting off himself.
“Good morning,” Zemo greeted you.
You were yawning as you walked into the kitchen, rubbing your eyes sleepily. You looked darling, and Zemo watched you in adoration.
“What’re you doing?” You slurred softly, still half-asleep.
“Making you breakfast, pretty girl.”
You leaned up on your toes for a kiss, being happily indulged by Zemo. He carefully hauled you backwards, away from the hot stove.
“I don’t want my little love to burn herself,” Zemo explained to you, making you roll your eyes at his tendency toward being over protective.
His large hand grasped your jaw, holding your head to look at him. He didn’t hurt you, only displaying his strong dominance by manhandling you gently. His grip was only tight enough to hold you, putting you in your place without being harsh.
“Cut the attitude,” Zemo warned softly before holding you still so he could press a firm kiss to your lips.
“Yes, daddy,” you murmured, feeling especially submissive. He’d been gone on a work trip recently, and you were happily well behaved, loving the way he indulged you in attention and doted on you upon his return.
“Go set the table,” he nodded, and you did as he asked.
“Why don’t you come back to bed with me?” Zemo asked, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist.
You nodded, gently laying a hand on his cheek and giving him sweet little kisses as you stood in the kitchen, the tile cold against your bare feet. He tapped your bum, signaling you to walk toward the bedroom.
Before you even made it there, Zemo was pulling your shirt over your head— one you had stolen from his side of the closet. Your breath hitched softly, your hands going to your chest to cover yourself as you walked through the house.
“No, my love, let me see your pretty tits,” he scolded, prying your hands away. You shivered, feeling a bit shy in front of him. You giggled as he mouthed at your chest, kneeling in front of you. The hair on his face tickled your skin, creating an odd sensation. He kissed down to your navel, kneeling before you in just loose gray sweatpants.
He hooked his fingers into your shorts, pulling them swiftly down your legs and tossing them aside. You were left in just your panties, barely covered by pale lilac fabric, plain except for a tiny bow sitting between your hips.
You were so innocent, and Zemo couldn’t get enough.
“Yours too?” You questioned, touching his waistband as he stood up.
“No, pretty girl, I’m going to leave mine on.” Zemo shook his head, sitting down on the bed, his back resting against the headboard. You stood beside the bed, unsure of what he wanted.
“Come here, why’re you being so shy?” He teased lightly, taking your hand and helping you onto the bed.
You were surprised as he pulled you to lay over his lap, your ass in the air as you bent over his thighs. Your arms folded under your head, and you turned to look up at him.
“Are you going to spank me, daddy?” You asked, a whine lilting your voice. You were startled, you’d been so well-behaved, and you didn’t feel like you deserved to be punished.
“No, of course not. I just want to play with you,” Zemo bent down and kissed your lips, easing the uncertainty in your mind.
“You need to relax.”
You nodded, exhaling a slow breath, trying to obey. The tension slowly left your muscles as he trailed fingertips up your bare spine, his touch finding the dips in your back. You gazed at him from under your lashes, admiring the gentle man who loved you. He smiled down at you, brown eyes locking with yours.
“I love these,” he mused, touching the lilac thong that curved along the swell of your ass.
You let him part your legs a bit, allowing him to see more of you. His strong hands squeezed the flesh of your thigh, pulling them apart on his lap.
Zemo couldn’t tear his eyes off of you. You felt him harden under your belly as he got a full view of your cunt practically spilling out of the thong. The fabric barely covered you, providing a filthy sight to Zemo.
His fingers dipped down, squeezing your puffy sex, cupping your mound and touching your lips. The action made you breathless, and he ran his fingers up and down the light cotton, until a dark patch started to form, your arousal soaking through your panties. He tugged up just slightly, monitoring your reaction at the pressure it put on your clit, the little bundle of nerves that was now throbbing with need.
You’d grown warm on his lap, despite being almost entirely naked. You felt observed, strangely aroused and overly shy as he practically inspected your pussy. You tried to swallow a small whine as the fabric pushed against your clit, biting back the noise.
“Daddy, why are you looking at me?” You whispered, squirming under his touch. You’d done your best to hold still and let him touch you as he pleased, but you were growing needy and embarrassed.
“Because you’re beautiful, little love. Do you want me to bring you pleasure? You’ve been so sweet, I do feel as though you’ve earned a reward,” he offered, the gentle gaze in his eyes completely sincere.
“A reward?” you questioned softly.
He hummed, nodding at you. You smiled shyly, lightly kicking your feet.
“You’re all wet, darling.”
You buried your face in your arms, sighing as Zemo ran his fingers over your sex before pulling the fabric down your legs. He prodded at your pussy, spreading your lips with his fingers and lightly pinching the puffy skin.
“Daddy, you’re teasing,” you accused, pouting a bit.
“What do you want?” He asked, a small smirk adorning his gorgeous features.
He wanted to hear you say it, trying to ease you out of your shyness.
“I want you to touch me properly, please,” you asked politely, pushing up on your hands to kiss him.
“I would be happy to, my love.”
You relaxed back on him, humming as he dragged his fingers through your folds, bringing them down to rub lazy circles on your clit. The small movements had heat spreading between your hips, tension starting to form.
Zemo eased off of the direct stimulation, pushing one of his longer fingers past your tight muscles, feeling your velvety walls swallow his digit. He slowly pumped it in and out, your body squeezing around him as he inserted a second finger.
He listened to the soft sigh that left your lips, morphing into a moan as he stroked forward, pressing against your g-spot. He relished in the mewels that escaped you, your back bowing as he rubbed your clit while moving his fingers inside of you, brushing sensitive areas that had you seeing stars.
“Oh... daddy,” you whined, the pressure tight in your abdomen, settled just above your sex. Your muscles contracted around his fingers, clamping down as goosebumps rose over your delicate skin.
“Are you close, darling?”
You nodded, unable to trust yourself not to scream if you tried to speak. You squirmed on his lap, your thighs shaking.
“Let go for me, pretty girl, I want to see you come all over my fingers,” Zemo encouraged, smirking as you squeezed your legs around his hands, trying to stop the stimulation as you came. Your fingers gripped the begging and you squealed, arching your back as you lit like a match, pleasure spreading through every inch of your body.
Zemo gently kept up his slow thrusts, his fingers dipping in and out of you, helping you ride out your orgasm, prolonging it as long as possible.
The tension in your muscles faded with your release, leaving you relaxed and dazed. Calm settled over you, deep breaths making your back rise and fall.
“That’s my sweet girl, taking my fingers so well. You look so pretty when you come. I’m so proud of you.”
You glowed at his praise, savoring the gentle moment with your dom. He took the time to carefully clean you up before pulling you up to sit on his lap. Your fingertips ran through his facial hair, beaming as he gazed at you with his kind brown eyes.
He pulled you into a kiss, strong arms wrapping around your back and closing you against his chest. His lips moved against yours perfectly, Zemo an expert scholar in your body and your kisses. He swallowed your quiet, happy sighs, enjoying the intimacy.
“I love you,” Zemo spoke, a Sokovian accent lilting off of his words.
He was massaging lotion into your body after a shared shower, protecting your skin from the dry air. A cup of jasmine tea was in your hands, steaming and filling the room with a sweet scent, mixing with the smell of your lotion.
“I love you too. I’m really happy you’re home.”
“I won’t leave for that long again. I missed you, I’ll stay local from now on,” he said, surprising you.
“You’re staying local? But you’ve always traveled with work,” you questioned, thinking you misunderstood.
“I have, but you’re everything to me, and I can’t stand to be apart from you.”
He melted at the grin that spread across your face, your joyful kiss tasting like jasmine. You leaned back into his chest, his arms snaking around you to hold you in a tight hug.
“I can’t imagine anything better than waking up to you every morning. So that is what I plan to do, as long as you let me,” Zemo said.
Sam Wilson x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader
Y/N remembers the quick and hurried road trip that Steve, Bucky, Sam, and herself all took when they were on the run in Europe. It wasn’t necessarily a fun memory, but it did bring back some fun memories from her childhood.
“Oh, c’mon guys. It’ll be fun, I promise. We can go anywhere.” Y/N pleaded to her friends and co-workers.
“Anywhere?” Bucky asked looking up from his cup of coffee.
Y/N finally coerced her guys into giving in to her summer plans. They each picked a place they wanted to go, then figure out the routes and details from that point. Steve wanted to go to Colorado, where Bucky always dreamed of Texas. Sam’s from Louisiana, so naturally, he would choose somewhere north, like Chicago. Y/N chose Charleston to represent the history she loves.
“Charleston? Why?” Sam asked.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to see where Steve and Bucky fought. Cause you know, they’re ancient.” Sam laughed with Y/N as they were chased down by the two super soldiers.
Traveling with her three boys were fun. Coming from the Avengers Base in upstate New York, the gang decided going west, traveling down south, then back up the east coast.
They chose to go the route through Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois to reach Chicago. After that, continuing through Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, and finally Colorado. Next, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas to come into the state. Next, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina to get to Charleston. Lastly, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and back home in New York. Stopping at Chicago first, Sam loved every minute of it. Taking photos at Millenial Park and the Cloud Gate made all the difference to a deep southerner. Steve loved Colorado, wanting to see the mountains. Camping was an experience to remember. Texas was next and it was simple and southern. Sweet tea, farming, and brisket was Bucky’s ideal fun. Charleston came last, but it was the most fun Y/N had had the entire trip. Pure enjoyment of the historical and eatery there was. The being on the water and feeling the southern charm brought Y/N back to her childhood. It tooka total of 8 weeks to get around the United States, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything different.
“This trip is one to remember. I am blessed to have you three in my life.” Steve said, laying in the grass watching the stars.
“I don’t think I’ve seen this much of our country.” Bucky commented.
“Nice job kiddo.” Sam patted her knee.
No matter where your job took you, where your friends chose to be; Y/N knew that she was home with her three boys, Steve, Bucky, and Sam.
Warnings: mentions of slight torture (Bucky and his memories being wiped). Rumlow being a mega dick. some mentions of sex.
The Winter Soldier, well really he wasn’t the soldier to her. She had known him since they were kids. Always the ladies man and looking out for Steve Rogers as well as herself. She was heartbroken when she heard about his death, however, shortly after she was kidnapped and brought to the same facility. Terrified didn’t even begin to explain (Y/N)’s feelings. Her body was shaking and she hadn’t been given a choice. They took her at night and spoke to her in Russian. Something she had picked up on while training to be a nurse. She had picked up learning several different languages. Which is exactly why Hydra recruited her. That and she was highly skilled in fixing battle wounds. The doctors assigned you immediately to… James. James Buchanan Barnes. Going to say something the doctor grabs her by the hair and drags (Y/N) to the chair.
“This is the chair you will wind my pretty, don’t say his name. Don’t even think it. This is a soldier. You will be his caretaker.” The doctor snarls and shoves her. (Y/N) responds in Russian, accepting her fate. She would do anything for Bucky. However, she was never expecting to be there when they started wiping him. They took his memories away, everything he once knew and even created trigger words for their new asset. Something she couldn’t stand to see. However, you held yourself together. Making sure you never uttered a sound as they put him into that chair. Things you wished you were strong enough to stop. Things you wished you never had to see the man you loved go through.
Nevertheless, (Y/N) took her place beside the soldier. The broken shell of the man she once knew. But did that stop her from loving him? Hell no. She continued to love him through all of it. Taking care of him when she was ordered to. Becoming one of Hydra’s favorite doctors. Keeping her mouth shut and going through whatever tests they wanted her to do. To keep her alive they gave her a serum similar to Bucky’s. Of course that wasn’t your choice, you were stuck living as the times changed. When they put him under, you watched over his chambers. Making sure things were prepared for when they next needed the soldier.
Today was nothing new, the Winter Soldier had a few bullet injuries that needed to be cleaned. You went about your normal business, cleaning out the wounds while he stared at the wall. It broke your heart seeing him so broken. Getting lost in the memories you had with the male before you, you barely heard him speak low.
“(Y/N)..” His voice barely above a whisper. Your thoughts were interrupted when his flesh hand grabbed your own.
“J-James?” You murmur, your eyes flicking to him.
“(Y/N).. doll.” His voice sounded broken as he looked back and forth between your eyes.
You didn’t know what to say, you were lost at the fact he remembered your name. Tears formed in your eyes as you tried to find your voice. You knew if you both were caught talking and let alone that James was remembering? You both would be dead. James would be wiped and your own memories would be wiped. All the years you’ve spent with the soldier would be gone. Everything you knew about Hydra would be gone. Things you kept to yourself, things you would be willing to share to end Hydra. Not that you ever told anyone the things you had seen.
“You need to keep quiet, Soldier.” (Y/N) states simple. Giving him a pleading look to keep his mouth shut. He seemed to take this and shut his mouth, letting you continue to do your work. When you finally do finish you brush some of his hair behind his ear gently. “Don’t say a word.. Promise me that. I’m going to try and get us out of here.”
Pulling away from him, you call out in Russian and the guards are coming in to take the soldier away. Your eyes lingering after him, unsure what to say or do. You just knew you had to find a way to get him out of here and that wasn’t going to change. The man you loved was still somewhere inside of him.
To say things kept this way the next time you met would be a shock. He had some knife wounds this time and you were patching them up when you felt his gaze on you. Not looking up at him you keep working. Stitching him up, until you feel his flesh hand on your jaw, making you look up at him. His eyes almost pleading you to say something to him. Biting your lower lip, you go to pull from his grasp, this could only end badly. He murmurs something in Russian and then leans down closer to your lips. His eyes locked on you, and in that moment you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. It was almost as if he read your mind, because not a second later, those sweet lips were on yours. His metal hand rests on your hip as his other hand brushes your hair behind your shoulder. After a second he pulls back and touches your cheek softly.
“I remember you.. I couldn’t forget you doll.” He murmurs.
“J-James..” you plead softly.
It’s at that second the guards are back and you are both back to your normal routine as if nothing happened. After that day, you only saw him if he was badly injured. Watching him from a distance as the Hydra agents took their turns doing their jobs and more. A man you hated, Brock Rumlow came into the area. A smirk on his features as he walks over to you and wraps an arm around your waist.
“So sugar, feel like helping stitch me up later?” His breath causes you to shiver. You don’t show it, but you see Bucky’s jaw clench.
“Of course Rumlow.” You nod gently.
“None of that, call me Brock.” He flashes a smirk at you. Nodding in the smallest you clear your throat.
“If you will give me a second to finish up with the Soldier and I’ll come to your room.”
Feeling satisfied, Rumlow nods and lets his fingers trail along your waist before walking out of the room. Shivering you shut the door and that’s when Bucky has you against the wall. His lips claiming yours in a bruising kiss. A soft whimper escapes your lips as his hands move down your sides.
“You are mine.” He growls soft and pressed kisses against your jaw.
“B-Bucky.. We can’t. You can’t pull this around anyone else. They will wipe your memories, I have seen this far too much.” you plead.
“Shh, it won’t be like this forever doll.. Just wait.” He pleads softly, kissing your lips once more.
Nodding, you fix your shirt and then lead him back to his area. Training would be happening for the next couple days. Making your way back towards Rumlow’s room you sigh soft. He was a mean man and you hated him with everything you had. Sighing, you knock and the door opens.
“Hey sugar, I hope you brought your kit.” He winces small. After a moment you are assessing his wounds and patching him up. You can feel his eyes on you, watching your every movement. It sent a shiver down your spine and you hated it. “I know, I see it.”
Your eyes finally meet his as you raise an eyebrow. Curious to know you tilt your head slightly. He has that smirk on his face, the one you’d like to wipe off that smug face. Without any hesitation Rumlow is slapping you across the face. A noise coming from you as your hand flies to your cheek.
“Your boyfriend is going to be wiped again, I’ll see to it. I can tell you’ve been kissing someone. The only person I can think of would be none other than your Bucky.” He smirks and grabs your jaw. “So tell me, does he remember?”
“Please..” You murmur. A laugh comes from him as he leans closer.
“Sweetheart, you just gave me your answer. Your boyfriend is getting wiped again, best say your goodbyes. The soldier won’t remember those kisses or anything.” He shoves you to the floor and then rolls his eyes. “Get out and go take care of the other’s that have wounds.”
Quickly getting up you are grabbing your things and taking off out of his room. Completing all of your rounds you finally sneak off to your safe place. The place where no one bothered you. See Hydra had a library, mostly filled with books on anything from whatever they did. You never read the books you just hid in here from time to time. Without realizing it, you drifted off and that’s when you heard your name. Startled, a hand covers your mouth and his lips touch your neck.
“Shh, doll it’s me.” He whispers. He uncovers your mouth and you twist around.
“No.. you can’t.. Bucky they are going to--.” You panic in the smallest. But his lips silence you and then he pulls you onto his lap.
“Hush, I won’t let them hurt you.” He says gentle pressing kisses over your face. Jerking back with a small noise Bucky is moving and his eyes widen when he sees the bruise on your face. “What the hell happened?”
“Don’t James.” You shake your head.
“Baby doll, who did it?”
“They are going to wipe you! He told me it’s so. You aren’t going to remember me anymore James!” You exclaim quietly.
“Who. Did. It?” He demands slowly.
“Don’t. Please.” You plead and wrap your arms around him tightly. Crying soft as you bury your face into his chest.
“(Y/N), baby doll, don’t cry please.” He whispers and kisses the top of your head. Holding you tightly to his chest. Rubbing your back as he hums a gentle tune. Even as this soldier he could still remember small certain parts of himself. Eventually you calm and Bucky kisses your forehead once again.
“Kiss me...kiss me like nothing is going to break us.” You murmur.
Listening to your request his lips are on yours and you are leaning up into him. Your fingers tangle into his hair as you deepen the kiss. Your legs on either side of his legs, straddling him as he pulled you closer. One hand on your hip as he grinds up against you. A soft whimper coming from you causes Bucky to growl softly. His hand slipped up your side gently. Brushing your skin in the sweetest way, as if you were both alone at his old apartment. His lips trailing to your neck as he nips at your soft spot. Without a word he is pushing you down to the couch and ripping your clothes from your skin. Taking in every inch of you before he starts kissing along your skin. He was gentle in every way, which most would consider shocking since he’s the soldier but to you? all you could see was the man you loved. For being in the position you both were currently in, Bucky made love to you. Sure it wasn’t in the most romantic place on the planet, but you had him, and he had you. Falling asleep in his arms you couldn’t help but smile. Listening to his humming while he played with your hair. Somewhere in the night, he left you. Kissing your temple and saying those words of ‘I love you’. Well aware that you were too far asleep to hear him. Knowing this would be the last time he would say those words..
Waking with a small shriek as you are being yanked off the couch a small laugh comes from someone. Blinking you find it’s none other than Brock Rumlow.. And he had that stupid goddamn smirk on his face. Pulling you up by your hair again, he laughs. He quite literally carries you out to one of the main areas. You were dressed in your uniform that Hydra gave you, when the sights of the chair hit you. Rumlow finally sets you on your feet and grabs hold of your arm.
“Princess, I hope you said goodbye to your soldier. Because he’s not going to remember you now.” He whispers low. You go to jerk away but his grip tightens and you straighten. Not wanting to cause a scene. You would end up in that chair if you weren’t careful. When they bring Bucky out he is struggling against the men. Breaking free and fighting them, however, Rumlow says something and Bucky stops. Not liking the tone of his handlers words. You are sure he threatened Bucky with something.. But you aren’t sure what. From there, Bucky is strapped down and given a mouth piece. Watching with horror filled eyes, you aren’t able to stop yourself from stepping forward. Brock wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close. Wanting Bucky to suffer some as he hit on you. Gritting your teeth, your eyes remain locked on those of your love. The session begins and you watch horrified. Yes you had seen this a million times, but it was different this time…
Bucky had remembered. He knew who you were and you were together… it all meant something. It would always mean something.. Just to you… not him. Something broke inside of you that day, whether it was the fact Rumlow was laughing or just the fact how quickly the man you loved faded into the Winter Soldier. Ready for his next mission...
Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: sad. this chapter is sad.
Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.
Masterlist | Series Masterlist
You were sitting at a stool in the compound’s kitchen when a familiar face walked in. Bucky had eventually explained to you that this was a sort of “headquarters” for the team. You felt a bit foolish having realized you never kept up much with these mighty heroes but you were eager to learn now. So far, you hadn’t encountered anyone you didn’t personally know on this famed team. Even now your eyes landed on the welcoming yet worried face of Steve.
“Morning,” you said, waving your fork before stabbing some of your scrambled eggs. Bucky had insisted on cooking for you despite your assurance you were fine but his cooking skills were....subpar. Still, nothing was inedible and you needed your strength back.
Steve reciprocated the greeting, saying your name with much excitement. “How are you feeling?” He added while making his way to the coffee pot. You chewed your eggs borderline viciously as you debated on an answer.
“I’m okay.” You gave a shrug, staring down at your plate. Part of you wanted to let more out but you ignored it.
Steve came back around to the counter, standing on the other side across from you. He held his coffee cup firmly, nervously almost. You could feel him watching you. That excitement he had said your name with felt like it was evaporating from the room slowly.
“That’s… good,” Steve said. “If you need someone to talk to we have plenty of resources and - and I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
You peaked a glance at him, confused. You placed your fork on the counter. “Sorry? Why are you sorry?”
“I worry I led them right to you,” he explained, “like you two were separated for a reason.”
You frowned. You hadn’t thought about this - heck, you hadn’t thought about blaming anyone other than the disgusted men with such joyous evil looks in their eyes.
“Steve, I don’t think there was any way anyone could’ve prevented this.” You pushed your plate of food away. “They had their sights set. They had a plan, an optimism. It may have just been the soulmate experience in this case,” you sighed. Steve mumbled your name, shaking his head, but you continued, “And that’s fine. Love doesn’t come easy, right?”
“Being kidnapped is not part of being in love.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t have an ex-assassin for a soulmate.”
Steve’s jaw went slack. You were staring him down now, practically begging him to say one more thing.
“It’s going to be okay,” Steve finally settled on. Ever the cool, calm, and collected star-spangled man. “You will recover and it’ll never happen again, we can promise you that.” His voice was serious as if every word ended with a period. You felt tears starting to well in your eyes. You wanted to say something, maybe ask for a hug or just… you didn’t know what, so you just sat there, slumped in your chair like a defeated puppy.
“Everything okay here?” A sudden voice made you jump. You and Steve turned towards the kitchen doorway where Bucky was standing, arms crossed, worry etched all over his face. It seemed to become his permanent expression now. Even when it was just you two, he always appeared on edge.
You nodded, turning back to collect your plate and take it to the sink. “We were just chatting.” You didn’t see the look you just knew Steve and Bucky were sharing.
When you turned back around to face the pair, Bucky had crossed the room, almost close enough to now be hovering over you. You flinched when he went to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. You didn’t know why as you clearly didn’t think he was a threat but hadn’t you seen how threatening he could be? You lowered your head, fighting off the thoughts. He wasn’t like that to you and he had proven it time and time again. Why was it suddenly different?
Before either of the men could comment on your sudden hesitation, you said, “I’m going to go take a shower.” They just nodded, letting you exit.
When you got out of the shower and back into the room the team had lent you and Bucky for the time being, Bucky was waiting patiently on the bed. You lingered around the space, picking out some pajamas to wear, acting as normal as you could. You took in the space, still amazed by it. It was fairly large with top-notch amenities, including a luscious bed, spacious dresser, and television from technology you weren’t sure existed for the general public. It even had access to your own grand bathroom, saving you some war flashbacks of the communal restrooms at college.
You dipped back into the bathroom and got changed. While your intimacy with Bucky hadn’t been on the shy side, you weren’t in that kind of mood right now. Rightfully so, you would say.
Emerging once more, you noticed Bucky had made a sort of resting area for you on the bed. Your side was surrounded by blankets upon blankets and soft pillows. He even had a movie queued up for you two to watch. He laid waiting, his eyes practically begging you to come to him. After giving your hair a final wring, you gave in and crawled into the soft bed, letting all of you just melt into it.
“How are y-,”
“Bucky,” you sighed, turning towards him. He was laying on his side, staring down at your curled-up form. “Please don’t ask how I am.”
He nodded. “I get it, doll. I’m just worried about you. You seemed alright yesterday but today…” Yeah. You’d taken a dive. Your whole mood had shifted. Heck, your views on the world had shifted. As dramatic as it seemed, you were having a hard time snapping back. You weren’t even gone for over two days and yet the smallest thing...
“I think it’s just all settling in,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe it was just shock yesterday or something but realizing what all happened… Gosh, this probably seems so foolish to you.”
Bucky began shaking his head profusely. As gently as he could, he took your hand in his. You welcomed the action as you shifted under the makeshift mountain of blankets. “Don’t do that, honey. Don’t try to dismiss it or think what you’re feeling is foolish. You went through something so terrifying. You’re allowed to react to it.” He took a deep breath. “When we talked yesterday, I think I thought maybe they hadn’t gotten to you. That nothing had happened that would leave you torn up but you saw… a lot.”
You knew he wasn’t talking about just being exposed to Hydra and their twisted selves. “I did,” you hesitantly agreed. “And I fear it’s going to take a lot to recover.” Your words felt like you were delivering punch after punch to Bucky but where were you going to get if you weren’t honest?
“Anything you need, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his thumb drawing soft patterns on the back of your hand, sending shivers through you. “I’ll do anything to make it better.”
You nodded, averting your gaze to where your hands were connected. Your hand was so tense but you hadn’t even realized you were squeezing his. You relaxed it slightly and Bucky’s motions stopped.
“Bucky,” you mumbled, “can I ask you something?”
He hummed in response.
“What do I offer you?”
You could feel Bucky’s eyes staring you down. No doubt a concerned frown was playing on his lips. “What are you getting at here, honey?”
You shifted uncomfortably. “When I was… you know… the - the older man said that he didn’t understand why we would be paired together. They were determined to figure out what I offer you. What makes me so special.” A beat. “I really don’t know the answer.”
Bucky sighed, shaking his head. You glanced up at him again, his eyes now holding a different kind of anger. You felt bad for doubting yourself but the insecurity from the words of some random guy settled into your brain.
After a thoughtful moment, Bucky spoke, “I don’t think you’ll ever fully understand what you give, not just to me, honey, but the world. You’re so fearless. You’re incredibly understanding. Not to mention how compassionate and bright you are…” His voice cracked slightly, breaking your heart a little. “You force me to remember that I’m not alone and I don’t have to be. And I just really hope I do the same for you.”
You could feel your own tears forming as you shifted just a bit closer to your soulmate. You weren’t quite touching but you could still feel his presence. It was as comfortable as you could get right now and Bucky seemed to respect that.
“I hope I’ll be okay,” you confessed. “Eventually.”
It quite amazed you how fast stuff could change within yourself. You woke up from being rescued with the more extravagant hopes and overwhelming relief of just making it out alive. But then you remembered the price of you making it out alive. What you had to witness to get there. And then the thoughts of actually being back in that position rushed over you. Needless to say, it was weird. Simply weird. Unlike anything you had encountered before.
Bucky soon nodded, encouragingly. You hated putting anything else on him but he had become part of the memories now. It was one thing to see him in dreams and another to watch it just feet away from you.
Pairing: James Bucky Barnes/ Original Female Character.
Important Tags/Genre: AU-canon divergent, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Eventual Relationship, Depictions of Violence, Fluff, Angst.
Word Count: 2338
Summary: He is decommissioned; more out of a personal choice than from outside pressure. James wants nothing more than to live simply---considering the over complications and trauma of his one hundred and six years of existence. So, he leaves New York and settles in a small town off the coast of Maine.
And that’s when he meets her. An odd little bartender by the name of Honey. And that's when his life once again faces complications.
Notes: This is entirely self-indulgent; lots of fluff, angst, and an eventual relationship based loosely around the events of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. This is meant to be a OC type of thing but can be considered a Black!reader insert I'd say.
I don't edit too hard, so excuse any minor mistakes!
Updates once a week; also found on my A03 | Spotify Playlist ( updated occasionally )
FATWS Blurb inspired by a TikTok - x gender neutral!reader [@_lets_do_get_help_]
Description: I saw this TikTok and just turned it into a short blurb. You, Bucky, and Sam all reluctantly deciding to get into the truck with John Walker and Battlestar Galactica because, unfortunately, they’re right. There’s no point in walking all the way to airport.
POMF’s Note: All credit goes to TikTok creator.
As you’re all sitting in the truck, unable to take Caprisun Armadillo and his sidekick seriously, you clear your throat and say, “This is kinda loose, no?” referring to the seatbelt.
Bucky mumbles out a gruff laugh as Sam nods, “Yep.” a smile threatening to break out across his face.
Turning to Walker he says, “Kinda like the bags under your eyes.”
John just pointedly glares at Sam as the trio laughs, desperately trying to hold it in by covering their mouths with their hands. Bucky licks his lips in an effort to stop smiling.
“Sorry we’ll shut up.” You quickly say with a straight face. Sam tries to swallow his laughs to calm himself for a brief moment. Only a beat goes by before you break it.
“Well that was long enough.”
Sam starts wheeze laughing, him and Bucky are losing it.
“I was wondering, how do you get your hair to look like that?” Bucky asks Walker with a stoic expression.
All you can do is mutter with a quieted chuckle, “Bucky—,” nearly losing it yourself.
John rolls his eyes, taking a turn to glare at each one of you before responding, “It’s natural.”
Before he can even finish his sentence, you and Bucky are breaking out into a fit of laughs again.
Sam, also laughing, nods in faux interest, “Really?” Which causes Bucky to laugh out loud again.
You jump in, “Well, your hair looks...um...” you pause as the need to laugh comes over you. Bucky fills in the rest of your sentence. “Well it looks dead.”
You and Sam are now wheezing laughing, having to sit forward in your seats as the laughter makes you bend forward it’s so strong. Bucky joins in before looking back up at John all serious-like.
“I guess what’s on the inside is showing on the outside, right?” This only eggs on the wheezing coming from you and Sam who are now slapping each other on the arm, so out of breath from laughing.
“Bucky, stop! I’m dying!” Sam manages to get out through his breathy laughs, the three of you clutching your stomaches and you wiping away tears from laughing so hard.
Walker just glances at Lamar before looking down at his feet, now wondering why he offered the three idiots a ride.
You nod reassuringly, John meeting your eyes. “It’s a look.” You offer nicely.
John doesn’t move, obviously he doesn’t believe your words. “You pull it off.” Sam encourages.
You bite your lip already thinking about what you’re going to say next. “No really, pull it off!” And the three of you lose it all over again, John and Lamar just avoiding the trio’s eyes as much as possible.
I don’t know guys. I just thought it was funny okay? It’s funnier in the video but I needed to share it with y’all.
Nothing to Despair | 23. Behold my soul's true face
PAIRING: Soft!Dark!Bucky Barnes x Reader
SYNOPSIS: Bucky and a girl he never met before have to go undercover as married on a mission to Europe. He feels alienated in the modern world, while she goes through life alone and abandoned. Maybe they can find a new home in each other, but she’s not easily convinced.
CHAPTER NOTES: This chapter has a lot angst. It gets very dark, so if you’re easily depressed, be careful. But we finally learn why the reader has been this way the whole time. And, on a more positive note, SHE SAYS IT 🥰😭
Oh, and if you're confused about the French quote, notes are on AO3 but basically it's from an Edith Piaf song.
WORD COUNT: 6.1k
⸻ [MASTERLIST] [AO3] [TAGLIST]
Because thou hast the power and own'st the grace
To look through and behind this mask of me
(Against which years have beat thus blanchingly
With their rains), and behold my soul's true face.
— Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnet 39
They were still holding hands as they closed the door in the evening, and before she could go further into the room, Bucky pulled her back for a quick peck on the lips. She smiled and cupped his face, then went to take her clothes off. He started undressing too, slow and distracted by the sight of her. His little wife was more than half done when she noticed him still mostly clothed and biting his lip in his typically suggestive way. In just the lingerie he so enjoyed, she sauntered over, and his hands fell limp with distraction. He'd taken his shirt and shoes off, but not much else.
"Is it worth asking what you want to do this evening?"
"How about we skip everything and go straight to bed, doll?"
"If we go to bed now, we'll just wake up at around midnight."
Bucky hummed and pretended to think, as she unclasped his belt and pulled it out. "That would be horrible. What could we possibly do then?"
She looked up through her lashes as she slowly unbuttoned his trousers and eased them off his hips. "I want you," she said, surprising both of them, then admitted sweetly further, "I want you all the time."
His lips parted in a gasp with a hundred words ready to come out, but none were good enough. He kissed her breathlessly, and as his clothes fell to the floor, Bucky stepped out of them and took her body with him. His hand slipped between her legs to find her feverishly hot and pulsing. She gasped into his chest, he groaned, and with the other hand pulled her closer.
Bucky walked her to an armchair and eased her into it while he carefully took her clothes off too, petting her skin after each clasp was undone and garment slipped off. The light stockings, the garters, the silk and lace top, none of them were so form-fitting that they'd press into her skin. They would hang off her shoulders and the edges of her hips and never left a mark at the end of the day, but he still liked to ease her out of them, gently and with all the attention her skin deserved. She bruised easily, he'd noticed — often because of him, specifically the metal arm, but she didn't seem to mind, even though it drove him mad with worry and shame — so he took care to unwrap her like a gift. Bucky held her thigh in his hands and kissed it, inhaling her skin still warm and smelling distractingly sweet, then her knees, then all along her waist, and up each shoulder, up the neck, the jaw, and finally to the reward of her lips.
By the time he was done, her eyes were glassy and her breath shallow, breasts blushing at the tips, just barely touched but much admired and teased through glances, and yearning for affection. With him still kneeling in front of her, she slipped off the armchair and straight into his arms, her legs resting on either side of him on the floor, and loosely hugged his neck. Bucky wrapped his arms around her and swung them together, slowly, side to side. His hard hot member brushed against her stomach, but suddenly it didn't matter. The girl kissed his neck and he heard her breathe in, as drunk on him as he was on her and feeling happy, safe, at home. He kept them like that, his flesh hand petting her hair along her back and her swinging in his arms, until he felt something in her shift with a sudden thought.
"Darling?" she whispered, her grip still around him, chin resting on his shoulder.
"I've been thinking… Do you really want, you know, with me, or…?"
Bucky pulled back enough to look at her. "You're going to have to be more specific than that, doll."
She bit her lip tightly as she searched his face, his smile a bit tensed with worry but grey eyes still soft. "Do you really want us to have a baby?"
"Not just one," he smiled, shaking his head slowly. "At least five," and he saw the dawning realisation on her face. "Come on, let's not talk about this on the floor." Before she could say anything else he lifted her, her legs hanging off his metal arm and her hands holding on to his neck as he carried her to bed. He laid her down carefully and curled up beside her, covering them both with the sheets.
"So you remember?" she asked once he'd settled in. Even she had almost forgotten about that conversation, so it was a surprise to be reminded of it by him.
"You say you can't figure out how to be happy, but you knew, sweetheart. I thought about it too, and you were right," he sighed happily, caressing her temple and brushing her hair behind her ear. "You're always right, you're so clever, darling."
"It would be perfect. You won't think these thoughts that upset you anymore, and you won't have to worry about a thing, because I'll take care of you. I'll take care of everything."
"But what if it doesn't work?" she asked with slight panic.
"It's worked for thousands of women before, doll, why wouldn't it work for you?" He was thinking of his mother but not just, and in that moment he only realised, once more, how right she'd been. Worrying came easily to her, and the solution she'd found for it was good in every way, but now that he was the one to bring it up, she doubted.
"No, it's going to end up horribly, and then you'll hate me…" she muttered, more to herself but loud enough for him to hear.
Bucky pulled himself closer to her on the bed and clasped her jaw, tilted her sad face up to look at him. "It's going to be fine. Have some confidence in me, that I'm going to make it fine even when it isn't."
"It won't last… I'll be a burden."
For a second, Bucky wondered if she was really talking about herself or about him, deep down. It's not like he wasn't familiar with feeling like a burden too, like he wasn't worth the effort to dig him out of his misfortunes, and all his past and present woes seemed to hang as heavy as the earth. They were alike in so many ways, but the sweetest ones were the things that made them both unhappy — the rarest, the most difficult, the pinpoints of why they were the way they were and how they got that way. And yet, he was afraid to tell her that that was part of why he loved her. He didn't want her to see him half as badly as she saw herself, or have her pity, or see her feeling sorry for him.
"I don't mind. I can take it," he said instead, keeping his hand firm and heavy on her jaw, reminding her that he was there, stubborn and relentless. There was no point pretending it would be easy, she'd spot his lies in a second, but he didn't need to lie about this. "Nothing's easy all the time, but you're worth the work it takes," said Bucky, and finally she looked at him. Her jaw was clenched, lips pressed together tightly. He could only guess at all the things she was holding in, and though he felt so much slip away from him and he wanted to unclasp her again, he held her as she was — timid and hidden and hard as marble. "You're worth the work it takes to love you."
It hurt her a little to hear the admission that it was some work at all, but his honesty helped wash it away. It still made her brace herself to hear it, made her want to harden up against it and pull away, or push him off somehow. He might not understand it very well, but she could tell he saw it, and whether it hurt his feelings or not, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"Well, it takes no work for me," she smiled, trying out how it felt to admit it. Bucky grasped her meaning instantly and froze. Only his mouth moved, to smile, slowly and hopefully as he searched her eyes. Her hand came up to caress his cheek as she smiled back. With some stuttering and a mountain of fear, she eased it out through her lips. "I love you, too."
No amount of kisses would have felt enough to him, so instead he wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close, cradling her to his heart as her fingers threaded around the back of his head. "You really do?" he asked as he rested his cheek on top of her head.
"I do. It's just hard for me to say… to hear it."
"Can you say it again?" asked Bucky, instantly a bit regretful of how selfish he was, but more greedy now than ever.
His wife smiled and slinked her way up his body, held his head still in her hands, mouthed right against his lips "I love you," and ended it with a chain of kisses. They parted with a sigh and she said it again, imperceptibly quiet but letting him feel every word move against him, "I love you." Bucky rolled onto his back with her still kissing him, his arms tight around her. She smiled into the kisses and kept her eyes closed, enjoying the proof of the feelings she gave him. When she raised herself from him, just barely, she hummed with satisfaction at seeing him all ruffled and flushed, lips even more full and pink than usual, his eyes crinkled happily.
"I'm so sorry, doll… I feel like the lowest bastard on earth when I pressure you like this."
"Bucky, no…" she said lowering her hands to cup his cheeks, trying to brush the care away from his brow with her thumbs.
"I know I don't make a very good husband for you," he admitted. She stayed quiet and listened to him, finally hearing what had been worrying him for days, weeks, when he tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. "I guess I made a picture in my head of what you're like, and I keep looking for it, but I never stop to think about what you want, or how much you want to give. Too greedy," he grinned half-heartedly.
"I suppose that's partly my fault…"
"Maybe I led you on sometimes. I just wanted you to like me," she shrugged.
He held her by the shoulder and raised himself a bit. Leaning back against the pillows, he pulled her to rest against his chest and pet her cheek, making her look at him. Her leg curled around him beneath the sheets and his knee bent to make room for her, comfortable and uncaring of his arousal, seeking only to be closer. "Well, you know I like you now," he said with a soft smile.
"It's not that simple," she winced, and slowly caressed his neck as she thought of what to say. "I hate it, because I think that you don't mean it. I hear something nice, and immediately I feel like you're just saying that to get what you want. That you're lying deliberately, and then I just get angry."
"But I do mean it, I mean it every time."
"Prove it," she said, and all he could do was stare mutely back. "When you say you feel something, take the feeling out and show it to me. You can't." Slowly, he began to understand. "That's why I can't stand hearing it. All I have is what's in my head, and what's in my head is always against me."
Bucky rested his hand on the back of her head while she cuddled into him. The thoughts were still running through her mind, but she couldn't put it more clearly than that, and now he was thinking too. Her words shaped a lens for him to look through.
"Don't mean to diminish what you just told me, doll, but I can relate."
"How do you mean?" she quietly asked.
"What you said about your head being against you…"
"Oh. I know what happened to you is much more serious, I didn't mean it like that, but…"
"No, it's fine," he kissed the top of her head. "You always surprise me, you know that? You'd say something and it reminds me of things I thought… maybe five months ago. Or you put into words something I remember feeling, but never noticed until you said it." She looked up at him and tilted her head curiously. "Maybe that doesn't make much sense. Forget it."
"No, I understand. I know what it's like."
She bit her lip and nodded, but behind it was measuring her words. "I want to go wash up before bed…"
"No, tell me first," Bucky insisted, smiling to encourage her. "You've got me curious now."
"You might not like what you hear," she smirked.
She worried at her lip for a while, before she slowly started. "I know what you're referring to. It's very difficult to describe, it's a very specific feeling…"
"I've experienced it too, sometimes, from things you've said. But mostly… You remember Professor Althaus?" Bucky immediately groaned, and she laughed. "I felt that a lot because of him. The things he said, the way he said them. They addressed so precisely what I thought, or felt."
"Should've killed him when I had the chance," he muttered. Her hot palm settled on his chest and she waited for him to relax beneath her again. He stared down at the girl and clenched his jaw, but something in the way she looked at him gave him pause.
"I was quite pathetic before I met him," she began. "He said things I needed to hear. He gave me courage. I wish you could have met him too, he's so —"
"He manipulated you, doll."
"He tricked you into joining that cult of murderers."
"You won't speak badly of him," she insisted, raising herself half-way up. "He did more good for me than you can ever know."
Bucky clearly had much more to say, but bit his tongue and glowered in silence. His young wife sat up next to him against the pillows and, throwing her legs across his, curled up against him in that way, head resting on his shoulder.
"I know you're all upset and pouty —"
"I am not pouty."
"— but you didn't know me. You don't know what I was like."
He thought back to his days then, when he was still the Winter Soldier and there was no trace of Bucky. He was a mindless servant, an assassin, a weapon aimed and fired on Hydra's targets. Some of them deserved it, some of them didn't. It was for the best that the Soldier hadn't met her then.
"The Professor… he would fire up inside you that which was neglected, which was at the core. Which gave meaning. Which gave life." She cuddled closer, and he turned to look at her. Her eyes were looking forward, thinking back. "Before I met him, I felt like there was no point to anything. I was homesick and I hated everything around me, and all the people too. I couldn't stand to see them, or hear them, and it seemed I would be stuck there forever. I felt so… so…"
"Yes. You do understand, don't you?"
"Of course I do, sweetheart," he sighed and brought her hand up to kiss it.
"I had nothing to look forward to, except growing old and sick, and dying alone. I resented my parents for making me. I didn't want to die, not necessarily. I just wanted… like you that one time: to not exist." He covered her hand with his, clasping it in both flesh and metal, but her fingers had gone limp. "I knew mother would be upset if I did something stupid, but sometimes I felt really, really desperate. There was this river that ran through town and —"
"Ok, don't say any more," said Bucky before thinking, but she didn't seem offended, and continued with the same calm.
"But then, some friends and I went to listen to the Professor give a lecture at his house," she said with a tilted smile. "All of us were a bit eccentric, or a bit crazy. All of us unhappy. He picked us up, out of that puddle, and got us to look upwards if only momentarily. He gave us a feeling of hope, of courage, of utter ruthlessness. I'd never heard anyone talk like that — especially not to me, as a girl. He got us to see the truth… about life."
"Yeah, and what's that?" he asked, looking at her a bit askance.
"That the highest expression of nature is human thought. Which means that we have to take that which makes us unhappy, that we feel uncomfortable with, and however… stunted we've been by life, to change it, to turn it around on itself. To step over everything that is beneath us. Above all, to avoid resentment and self-pity."
She was completely distracted from him, lost in her recollection. Bucky wasn't sure what to think of this Professor anymore, but if he was half as charismatic as she made him out to be, he was a dangerous agent. He was grateful he'd never met the man, especially in those times when he had needed to hear things like that, and he was twice as happy that Steve never did. That speech seemed tailor-made for his friend's sense of courage, and distantly Bucky wondered — with a great deal of amusement — why he seemed to surround himself with mad little spitfires like her and Steve.
"I can't describe what it felt like. I can't do it justice. You know how rare and strange it is when you experience that feeling with me: imagine that for a full hour, every week. So, you see…" she ended, looking down at their shared hands, hers weak with emotion, and measuring her words, finished "I'm glad you didn't complete your mission."
That looming realisation struck, and Bucky didn't know what to say anymore. If he had killed Althaus, she might have gone and done something stupid… but she never would have worked for Hydra. Which meant he never would have met her, never would have come to love her, never would have married her and been on the way to starting a family with her. All because of one missed shot. He couldn't help but think about the odds of it and what, if anything, it meant.
"You didn't join Hydra because you had money problems," he said after a brief silence.
"No," she answered resolutely. "Mother did need the money, but I joined because the Professor wanted me to. I would have done anything for him. Anything." What she left unsaid was that, she still would. "And I'm not sorry." She looked up at him with no hatred or resentment, but no hint of giving ground either.
"Is that why you hated me?" he asked as an afterthought. "Because I nearly killed your mentor?"
"No," she said, a bit surprised. "No, I knew it wasn't your fault. I never blamed you."
"Then why… why did…"
"Why was I so difficult?" she finished for him with a smirk. "I'm like that with everyone, I told you."
"It didn't feel like you didn't hate me, most of the time," he pointed out. "And that doesn't exactly answer my question." She turned her gaze away to look back down at their hands, at the bed, at anything but him. "I pulled out all the stops to make you like me," he continued, unrelenting. "I listened to you mope about other stupid guys, I got you flowers, I took you dancing, I got you everything you wanted, and I know it's not about that, but you must've known I wanted you… You can't pretend you didn't know."
"It's not as easy as you think."
"What then, you think I'm not capable of lovin'?"
"I'm sure you are," she said, without sounding particularly convinced.
"Do you think you don't deserve it, then? Is that it?"
"I… guess I never thought of it that way. I don't know."
"You don— ? Good grief, doll," he shook his head. "Do you doubt your mother loves you too?"
"No, I know she does," she muttered.
"And why can't you believe it when it comes from me?"
"Mothers have to love their children. But men don't really care for women, especially as we get older," she said with a tilted smile as she looked up through her lashes. "You'll get bored of me, eventually."
His every instinct told him to kiss that dark certainty away, and a deeper part of him wanted to slap her for saying it. But through all of it, Bucky held himself back and kept her talking, now that he'd just cracked her open. "It wasn't a lousy boyfriend that got you to think like this," his mouth asked without him. His question shocked her too, and she stilled beside him.
"I told you it wasn't."
"Was it your dad?" he asked, and when she wouldn't answer, he pressed her on. "It was, wasn't it?" She didn't move, but through the skin pressed to his side, he felt her body chill, hands and feet tight and tense and damp with cold sweat.
"I caught him once, with a woman," the girl finally said. "I must have been about 8, and I was very stupid and told mother about it. Or, maybe not stupid…" Bucky's hand tightened around her shoulder as he watched her remember, more sorry than ever that he'd asked about it, and amazed she was telling him at all. "I'd never seen her cry before. She looked so heartbroken I was afraid she'd die, and it was because of me. She didn't want to deal with it, so she left father and he kept the house for a while — moved to Vaduz with another of his whores eventually, but he lives there alone now. They all left him. We went first to some cousins abroad, and eventually mother found work in Switzerland," she sighed. "But she was so busy all the time, and always tired, always tired… She worked such long hours, I remember, and had to take care of me too. And she got so mad at me sometimes, when I didn't get good grades or didn't finish dinner or didn't go to sleep on time. I guess she was just stressed, but back then I was afraid she'd give me away to these horrible neighbours we had. She joked about it sometimes, when I was being bad…"
He tried not to interrupt her with any of his useless noises, but had to heave a sigh at that. Another tragedy in one long link, and from it he could trace so many of her mannerisms, all the withdrawal he faced from her — not from hatred, he saw now, but from that primitive fear of abandon. And distinctly he remembered that horrible evening when she saw him with Dolores — saw 'Marsden', really — and how sad and scared she looked, how small, as if a child again. No wonder she couldn't stand to look at him for hours afterwards…
"Instead, she sent me off to school in England. I was 12 by then. A weird girl from nowhere, with a funny accent, who hadn't made a friend in years. I had no idea how to be around them, I couldn't relate to any of those people." And he filled in the rest: she still couldn't.
How would he have turned out in her place? Bucky didn't even want to think about it. Without someone like Steve to link his old life back to, he might still belong to Hydra — like she did. More than ever before, he wanted to be a way out for her, to be all the loves and friendships that passed her by, to be everything for her. But, as if she read his mind, she added in a guilty whisper:
"So it's really not that there's something wrong with you. But if my own parent cared more about other women than he did for me and mother, to expect a stranger to be faithful seems… stupid, to me. And if it could happen to my mother, who is so much better than me, why wouldn't it happen to me too, you know? You understand, don't you?"
Bucky sighed and held her closer, but could not unclench his jaw. He did and didn't understand. It wasn't stupid to trust him, and he wasn't a stranger to her anymore, he was better than that, better than anyone she'd ever met. He sunk down into the sheets with her and held the girl to his chest, resting his cheek on the top of her head while his hand caressed her back. She felt raw and nervous and ready to run, but the worst of it was over, and though her eyes were dry, he could feel the quick sharp breaths that fanned across his skin. His hand came up to cradle her soft head and he whispered in her hair a promise.
"You won't have to worry about a thing, doll."
"That's what everyone says," she mumbled. "But you don't know how you'll feel in 5 years, in 10 years…"
"So what's your solution?" he gently asked.
"My solution was to be alone, but you took care of that," she quipped.
Bucky paused to think about what he wanted to suggest, to give himself some time to change his mind, but he felt all aflame at the thought of giving that to her and it felt, more than anything else, right.
"Tomorrow morning we're going to wake up, and go have breakfast, maybe have a walk outside if the weather's nice… And then we'll come back here, and I'm going to give you the words."
"I don't know how I'll teach you to say then, but we'll figure it out."
"Bucky, I can't do that," she said, bracing herself against him to look into his face.
"You want to trust me, and I want you to trust me too."
"But it isn't right, it isn't fair to you," she shook her head. "You'll be so sorry one day, please don't do it…"
He caressed her cheek through the dark and pulled her back against him calmly. "We'll talk about it tomorrow."
She finished getting dressed while Bucky was still showering. There was an air of anxiety around the whole morning after what he told her the night before, but he seemed happy when they woke up together, and was very slow and gentle with his kisses while they were still in bed. The girl moved more slowly now, putting on some finishing touches in front of the mirror, a bit of makeup, a bit of perfume, even that necklace that he liked so much. She was just fixing up her hair when Bucky came out, half-dressed in just his shirt and trousers. His wife smiled at him from her seat, but she didn't even try to hide her tension. He leaned against the doorframe to watch her, arms crossed to hold himself back, looking as smug and satisfied as he usually did when he saw again the proof that she was his.
"We'll go out for breakfast now?" she asked.
"There's just one thing," he started, looking down in thought. "It's kind of stupid, but I thought we should —"
"It's not stupid," she said, turning in her seat to face him. "Tell me."
Bucky stayed where he was and shifted on his feet, his arms around him now a bit more tight, shirt straining around him with a few deep breaths. "I just need to know you won't be in touch with Hydra anymore. I mean I know you won't, but it's… it would make me feel better if you said it."
She looked down to her lap once but it didn't take a second for her to think it through. "I promise I won't, not without your permission," she nodded as she looked into his eyes.
Her addition surprised him a bit, but he was satisfied and even, oddly, pleased. She'd thought through all eventualities, even if they needed to use some old contacts she had — not that Bucky would ever agree to it, but he was proud that his girl thought of everything. He went to her and half-kneeled in front of her primly sitting form, and took her hands in his, flesh and metal both.
"That's all I needed to hear," he smiled, making her smile too and breathe a sigh of relief. "You won't need them for anything anymore. Not Hydra, not that Althaus…"
She nodded quietly as she searched his eyes, her shoulders slightly tense with unshed guilt. "Don't get me wrong, I still don't like SHIELD…"
"I know," he chuckled. "I can't exactly blame you."
"And I can't betray those people who've helped me in the past, however flawed or evil. Like I wouldn't do it to you, either."
He nodded more quietly, unhappy but, in spite of himself, understanding. "I know…"
Her hand tightened around his flesh one, and she brought it up to give him one warm kiss of gratitude. "Thank you, sweetheart. I knew you'd understand. They just… provided me with strength and comfort when I really needed it."
"But from now on, you'll get comfort from me. Won't you?" he rasped, his cold eyes focused on her as he let their joined hands fall back together on her lap.
"I guess it's just enough that you love me no matter what I think or do. Don't you?"
"Don't care if I end up regretting it, but I do," Bucky grinned.
She did what she usually did when she was afraid of smiling too widely, she bit her lower lip so tight it trembled, but her face was brighter and more vulnerable than he had ever seen. In a heartbeat, she slipped off the chair and kneeled on the floor right alongside him, wrapping her arms around his neck as they swung together in a tight embrace.
"You make me so happy," she whispered, and if it wasn't right by his ear, Bucky would not have even caught it. "I am so grateful for you. And I'm sorry for everything I've done, but —"
"None of that," he said and kissed her cheek. "If anything were different, anything at all…"
"You're right," she whispered back as his words sank in. "It's better like this. I regret nothing."
"That's my best girl," he grinned.
She nuzzled his neck and comforted herself with the clean scent of him, fingers threading through his still damp hair without a thought, and giggled as she remembered one old song that fit. "Ni le bien, ni le mal."
"My little legionnaire," Bucky chuckled, recognising it from those history lessons Steve had him take.
She pulled back to brush her lips to his and teased him. "At least it's a step up from 'sausage'."
They had the warmest, softest, richest breakfast together, with fresh pastries and coffee and cream. They topped it off with cupcakes, and were not too shy to share them with each other, with Bucky gripping her wrist when she brought it to his lips and holding her still until he was done licking her fingers. The weather was nice that day, so they did take a walk, keeping far from the pools and outdoor bars and clinging to each other, stopping now and then for a brief kiss when the mood struck them. They found a row of seats to lounge on and sat in one together, his wife sitting in his lap with her fingers brushing his hair ruffled from the currents, while Bucky held her other hand and kissed it, paying special attention to the wedding ring.
"You know, I like that you're so pretty," she said at one point. She looked at his profile with a smug little smile as he looked into the calm horizon.
"Oh really?" he chuckled and turned to her with surprise.
She hummed and nodded, tracing the line of his full lips with her finger. "I wouldn't mind it if you weren't, but it makes me even more proud that you're mine."
His eyes twinkled as he pressed his lips into a kiss before her finger moved away. "Think we'd make pretty babies?" he husked with a smirk.
"Absolutely." She wrapped her arms around him and leaned her head on top of his while he held her by the waist, his nose nudging her neck now and then when he left kisses on the exposed top of her collarbone. "Can I tell you something?" she asked after a while, with somewhat girlish cheer, as if remembering something.
"Of course, doll."
"In all our fairy-tales, in all the folklore, there's this idea that beauty chases demons away. It's why it's so important for us that buildings are nice, that streets are nice, and clothes, and people, and sights, and sounds — not just music, but simple things too, like bell chimes or laughter."
"That's not very fair though, people grow old and ugly," he chuckled. "You don't think old people are evil, do ya?"
"No, of course not. That's why you try to be pretty when you're young. Because by the time you're old, you've chased the devils away. You see?"
"Clever," Bucky laughed. "And what about evil pretty people?"
"It's not enough to look it, of course," she hummed as she remembered more. "We have fairy tales about that, too. How you speak can be ugly, what you do to others can be ugly. What you do with yourself can be ugly."
He kissed his way from her clavicle up her neck and ended at her cheek. "And how does my pretty girl square that with how naughty she's been?" he asked in a heated whisper.
She knew he wasn't playing, she could tell he meant her work for Hydra, even through the covering of sweet and gentle kisses — his attempt to make her know he loved her still. "I don't know what you mean, Sarge," the girl purred with a stretch that didn't even try to mask her rubbing up against him, as she slipped her hands around his shoulders.
"What do you mean 'what do I mean'? Look at you, you're being naughty right now," he smirked, then moaned and gripped her waist to still her when it got to be too much. "Don't do this to me in public, doll," he growled. It also hadn't escaped him that this was the first time she used his rank.
"You think…" she whispered in a tone of fake surprise, leaning closer while she pressed down on his lap, "that I've been bad?"
"Oh I know you have been," he husked against her mouth, their lips barely touching. "They're bad people, I don't care what you say," though at that point he didn't seem to have any place left in him for hatred. "They didn't deserve you, babydoll. Pure evil's what they are, always have been."
"I don't accept that at all," she said, tilting her head teasingly and swinging her legs in a way that made him groan with pleasure. "You know, where I come from we don't have a concept of pure evil. There's only of pure good."
"Mhmm" his wife murmured before rewarding him with a kiss. "And in a world where pure good exists, there can be no pure evil. None of the imps and devils are as bad as the fairy-tale hero first fears."
"You think that's true?" asked Bucky, between a few more stolen kisses.
"Yes I do." She pet the back of his head while she got lost in the sky-grey of his eyes, then added, giggling, "My knight in shining arm."
"And what are you? My mighty steed?" he smirked.
His wife gasped and pulled away but couldn't wipe off a traitorous grin. Showing no regret at all, Bucky laughed and added as an afterthought:
"I do love riding you."
She smacked him on the shoulder lightly, and her cheeks hurt from trying so hard not to laugh with him.
“You think you’re something, no?” The mocking laughter was dripping in cruelty.
You bit your tongue so hard you tasted blood. Your eyes stayed trained on a crack in the floor a few feet ahead of where you were kneeling on cold cement.
You didn’t react when a hand cracked across your face, knocking you to the side, trying to pull an answer out of you.
“They’ll come for me. The avengers won’t leave me, they’ll come back for me!” You spat, looking up into cold brown eyes. They were empty, soulless in fact. His gaze iced your soul, sending a chill down your spine.
“My darling, not even god himself can save you now,” he sneered.
“You’ll join us, Y/N. You’ll become well acquainted with your villains when you realize there’s no other option.”
You should your head, screaming against the gag that was shoved in your mouth, silencing your vengeful yells.
. . .
Months. You had been abandoned for months.
After being abducted on a mission in Sokovia, your team had never returned for you. Or if they had, they never found you.
You’d been locked in a cold, cement chamber. You were left alone, only fed and given water as little as necessary.
Helmut Zemo was determined to break you.
. . .
Three months later, the door opened, light pouring onto the cement floor.
“Submit to me, and I’ll let you out of this cage,” Zemo knelt down, his thin lips curving into a lopsided smile.
“You’ve spent months here in this filth. Don’t you want to be cleaned up and fed and doted on? You are so pointlessly resistant.”
“Please get me out of here,” you begged weakly.
All of your resolve had crumbled. Your team never saved you, and you were all out of options. The only thing standing between you and getting out of this cell was your own stubbornness, and you were ready to give it up.
You felt like your mind was fracturing, and you were left numb, pliant for the sadistic baron. You decided you didn’t care what “submit to me” meant— as anything would be better than your current situation.
A leather-gloved hand was held out to you as chains were removed from your wrists. You hesitated before taking it, letting the baron pull you to your feet.
That was the first time you realized how much bigger Zemo was than you. He was tall, broad, and strong, with a dominating presence that overpowered you.
And cold, empty eyes.
. . .
You didn’t know which was worse: being in a solitary dark cell, or being Zemo’s toy, decorated and attached to his side like a pet.
You’d gotten so used to the feeling of his hands on your body, you almost craved it. You were starved for affection, for touch, for interaction, and Zemo was the one satiating your needs.
“Come here, little one.”
You rose from your seat on the chair in the corner, approaching Zemo. He was lounging on his bed in a white bathrobe, an arm tucked behind his bed. The baron watched you walk over to him, having no reason to disobey. You’d abandoned all of your resolve, and you went to his side when asked.
If you behaved, he didn’t torture you. You’d learned after your first attempted escape, you were far better off just doing as he asked. When you obeyed Zemo, you were awarded the liberty of being dressed and fed, and he wasn’t violent with you.
You flinched when he reached up and touched your face, turning your head away.
“Get on the bed.”
“I’m sorry,” you breathed, opening your eyes to look at your captor.
“Get in the bed on your own, or I will force you.”
You crawled onto the mattress, letting him push you onto your back. It seemed to appease him a bit, because he lifted your hips and put a pillow under you, carefully smoothing his hands up your legs.
“Aren’t you going to get a condom?” you asked weakly as he dropped his robe and pulled your knees apart. You’d stopped resisting, looking up at the blond in concern.
“No, my darling, I’m going to breed this little body of yours, and let you carry my heir,” he said, making your body feel frozen. You couldn’t swallow the knot that swelled in your throat, choking on the fear his words instilled in you.
“Don’t cry. You’re going to look gorgeous when you swell with life,” Zemo said, sliding his hands up your body and kneading your breasts roughly.
“And these... My heir may have to share,” he growled, lightly biting your skin.
“Zemo, Zemo, please. Get someone else, I don’t...” you sobbed, weakly pushing at his chest. He gripped your wrists in one hand, easily overpowering you with his size.
You despised how good of a fuck he was. He filled you perfectly, even more so when he wasn’t protected. You tried to block out who it was, just feeling another warm body.
Zemo at least had the grace to make you come first.
It made your body relax around him, clouding your mind with happy chemicals as he emptied his seed in you, buried so deep he was practically shooting into your cervix.
He didn’t let you up, forcing you to lay with your hips elevated, staying buried deep in your sex. He hushed you, though not harshly.
“I know it’s frightening, but just take it. Be my brave girl, Y/N.”
“Oh, darling, you don’t know the depths of my depravity.”
You didn’t doubt him.
. . .
Zemo had been informed by several of his employees that you wouldn’t stop crying, and they kept asking to sedate you. He’d harshly declined, reminding them of your pregnancy.
Finally, he left his work, going to see what the problem was. Since you’d been carrying his child, you’d become more docile, and even less resistant to him, as if the part of him growing inside of you had plunged you fully into stockholm syndrome.
“Y/N. Whatever is the matter?” Zemo entered his chambers, which had become yours as well.
You looked up at him, wrapped in a knitted blanket, curled up on the corner of his couch. He knelt down in front of you, and an outsider may have thought he was caring. Really, he was worried about his heir, your extreme stress becoming problematic. You didn’t matter to him.
“You will answer me, unless you want to sit back in that cell.”
“I’m lactating too early and it hurts,” you confessed in embarrassment, tears spilling past your waterline.
Zemo pulled your shirt off of you, freeing you from the constraining fabric. You let him inspect you, begging softly for help.
“Please do something, I’m in pain,” you begged, choking on your words.
He hummed, having half a mind to let you sit and weep. He watched you for a moment before an alternative came to mind.
“Come here,” he commanded, sitting beside you.
He helped you onto his lap, easing you to straddle him. He carefully squeezed your breast, earning a pained whine. Nothing happened at first, and you squirmed in discomfort. You cried out when milk started to drip from you, easing the painful pressure.
“Zemo?” you questioned softly in embarrassment as he leaned down and wrapped his lips around your nipple, sucking the milk into his mouth.
You were horrified, but you couldn’t deny him as the pain began to dissipate. It was terribly arousing, and you carded your fingers through his hair, your dark, twisted, unhinged lover.
When he moved to the other one, you had stopped crying, soothed by the relief from pressure and pain that had been plaguing you for days.
“Better?” Zemo asked, pinching you enough to hurt.
Summary: they get separated during the 40s. Bucky went off to war. But then reader gets kidnapped and wakes up years later completely changed.
Bucky x Reader warnings: mentions of blood, killing, injury
Bucky had woken up before Y/N did. He watched her sleep peacefully. The way her lips slightly parted, light puffs of air leaving them and her hair splaying across the pillow. One of the many things he loved about her and will miss.
She began to stir, the sunlight glaring through the window bothered her, shading her face. Eyes blinked open to find his.
Bucky leaned to press gentle kisses all over her face, letting his lips wander a little lower to her neck. He loved the way she would melt when he kissed her there. “Morning, darling,” he mumbled against her skin.
She sighed in contentment. “Good morning,” she replied sleepily. Her eyes saddened as she remembered what he had announced last night.
“Don’t be sad,” Bucky begged. “‘No more crying. I don’t think my heart can handle it anymore. I want today to be happy.”
Y/N nodded, pushing the tears back. “I’m going to miss you.”
He gave her a small smile. He would be lying if he had said he was okay. “I’m going to miss you, too. So much, Doll.”
“I love you, Bucky.”
His heart swelled. “I love you like crazy. You have no idea how much I love you.” He kissed her on the lips, sealing his words.
For the rest of the time they had left, they tried to soak as much time together as possible. They reminisced all of the memories they shared. They even went on a double date with his best friend Steve and his date to the Stark Expo. And when it was time to let go, they said their goodbyes and promised to come back to each other.
• • • • •
There was an urgent pounding, scaring the daylights out of Y/N. She sat up from bed, her heart racing a mile. She waited, silently praying whoever it was would go away. But they were very persistent, the knocking not ceasing. Groaning in annoyance, she stumbled to the door. Without looking through the peephole, she swung it open to yell at the person who disturbed her sleep. She opened her mouth to give them a piece of her mind, but stopped when she saw a man standing there in a suit.
“Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” he asked, his voice gruff.
She was taken aback at the fact he knew her name, fully awake now. “Yes. That’s me. What’s this about?”
“You need to come with me. Hurry, it’s an emergency. It’s about Bucky.”
Hearing his name, she followed the unknown man to his car, no questions asked. She didn’t bother changing into any decent clothes. During the ride, she played all the possible scenarios over and over in her mind. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since he left, and she missed him dearly.
The man parked the car in front of a large building. They took an elevator to each the bottom level. He led her down a hallway and stopped at a metal door.
“In here,”’he said, gesturing her to go inside.
The lights flickered on when Y/N entered. She found it to be a small empty room that was completely white. Confused, she turned back, only for the door to be slammed closed. A click of the lock alarmed her. She felt around for a doorknob or handle and when she found none, she banged on the door.
“Hey! Hello?” she shouted to get the man’s attention. “Let me out!”
Harsh hissing sounds panicked her, whipping around, her heart galloping in her chest. Fog flowed out from the seams of the walls. She held her breath to avoid breathing in the fumes, wheezing for her when she couldn’t hold it any longer. The room spun like she was riding on a carousel and her eyelids went droopy. Her legs felt like jelly, sliding to the cold floor. Pins and needles ran up and down her spine. She tried one last time to call out for help, but darkness swallowed her.
As she came to, the first thing she heard were muffled that sounded like she was submerged underwater. Her eyes peeled open to an unknown place and an unfamiliar face. She squeezed them shut trying to remember anything, where she was and who she was. Straps pinned her down, keeping her in place when she tried to move. She eyed the man cautiously.
“Good, you’re awake,” he said with a smug look.
“Who are you?” she asked, her voice coarse. “What’s going on?”
“Great question. I’m Nikolai,” he began to explain. “For the past several years you’ve been frozen to preserve your body. I was able to obtain the information needed to create the perfect assassin. The serum we’ve been working so hard on is precise and the best one yet. You don’t remember anything because we use a memory suppressing machine.”
By the time he was done speaking, she was seething with rage. “You used me for an experiment?” She tried to lunge at him, but was held down by the restraints. Her screams echoed off the walls at the intense burning sensation that shot through her body. When the pain subsided, she was shaking uncontrollably, feeling exhausted.
“You will do as I say or that will happen again, understand?” He then spoke a series of words in a different language she didn’t recognize.
Something snapped in her like a light switch. “Yes.”
“Your training has just begun.”
• • • • •
This mission at hand was to sneak into Shield, steal the files, and kill anyone that gets in the way. Seemed easy enough, Y/N thought to herself. For the past couple of months, she underwent crucial training to her where she is now. Several people’s blood were on her hands now. The people and things she did were not under her control.
Y/N wore a disguise to look normal. She made it far inside the building unnoticed or without being questioned. Her fingers twitched by the gun and knife that were attached to her belt,
just in case. She was looking for a computer to download the documents on to a hard drive. She wasn’t sure what they were about or why they were needed. Rounding a corner, she tensed up, seeing two security guards roaming the hallway. They blocked the door she had to get to according to the blueprint of the structure. Silently cursing to herself, grabbing the knife out of the holster and held it close to her side.
When they turned their backs, she leaped out from hiding. She jabbed the blade into the stomach of one. The other was caught off guard and she took the advantage, launching the knife at his chest. She listened close to her surroundings carefully to check to see if anyone heard the commotion. Once the coast was clear, she entered the room. She smirked. Someone had forgotten to log out.
As she was downloading the files, she heard someone yelling outside the door and the alarms went off. She kept herself hidden under the desk until it read 100% complete. She grabbed the hard drive and hurried to leave.
Y/N wasn’t fast enough to react. She was sent sprawling to the ground. The gun attached to her belt was snatched and tossed away before she could grab it. Spinning onto her back, she moved just in time to dodge the next blow of a blond woman’s elbow. Using the heel of her foot, she kicked it into the attacker’s ankle. Then with her other leg, she swung it around, wiping the woman’s legs out from under her.
With her with enhanced strength, she pinned her down. She slammed her knuckles down on to the blond’s face, knocking her out cold.
She then took the opportunity to run and get out of there, making it back outside. A blunt force struck her in the abdomen. Y/N held her ground skidding across the pavement, using her feet to brace herself.
Her lips turned into a sly smile as she recognized him. “I know who you are. Your name is Sam. You’re the Falcon.” She grabbed the other knife from her holster attached to her hip and hurled it at his head. “Or is it Captain America now?”
Wings shot out from his back, and to her surprise, blocking the blade. “We don’t want to fight or hurt you. We just want to help.”
Annoyed at this, she thrust out her fist to hit him in the face. But instead of flesh, she hit a metal arm, deflecting the punch. The vibranium fingers wrapped around her wrist in an iron grip and with ease, she was flipped on to her back within a blink of an eye. His knee pressed into her chest, overpowering her easily. She tried to fight him off, but he was much stronger than she was.
She looked up at him. He was staring down at her with shock as he got a good look at her. His fingers lightly danced across her face, looking at her in wonder.
“Y/N?” he spoke, his voice barely a whisper.
Now she was confused. “Who’s Y/N?” she asked.
He made eye contact with Sam, who nodded knowingly, understanding the situation. “I’m sorry,” he said, shifting his eyes back to her. Swiftly, he knocked her out.
• • • • •
Y/N woke up in a panic. She sprung up from the bed she laid on, gasping for air. A blanket stuck to her sweat drenched body like a second skin. She couldn’t remember what happened and how she got here. Her wrists and ankles were chained to the bed. In the corner of her eye, she saw the movement of a dark silhouette.
The figure moved out from the shadows, a flash of something shiny on his left arm. When she fully got a good look at him, she was in disbelief.
“Bucky?” she croaked out, her throat scratchy.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he said, his voice shaking. “You remember?” He knelt down beside the bed, he reached up to stroke her face, his hand trembling like he was afraid to touch her.
Y/N nodded, scanning his face. The one she had loved once years ago. The last time she saw him was when he left to fight the war. Seeing him, all the memories she had flooded back to her. She was so scared of losing them again. “What happened? What did I do this time?”
“You tried to rob the Shield base,” he explained, leaving out the gory details to not upset her. Knowing she wasn’t going to try anything, he removed the chains. “How did you end up here?”
“I should ask you the same,” she joked. “This man is able to manipulate me. He goes by the name Nikolai. I was injected with some serum. And I was trained to perform tasks under his control.”
“Seems like we have a similar story,” Bucky said, stroking her hair. “I was also brainwashed and mind controlled by someone once. Back in 1945, I plummeted to my death supposedly. I lost my arm in the process.” He showed her the metal arm, flexing the vibranium fingers. “But I was able to recover, not completely, as the things I did will forever be with me and haunt me. Whatever it was that he was able to control me, is gone.”
Y/N brushed her fingers across the cold metal in awe. “How were you able to get rid of it?”
“I know some people that can help you. They helped me.”
She thought for a movement gathering all the information he told her. “You’ll come with me, right?” she asked, in a pleading tone.
He nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
“Remember what we promised each other?”
“That we would come back to each other,” Bucky answered. “And we did. Maybe not on the circumstances like we hoped. I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”
Y/N wound her arms around his neck and pulled him for a hug. At first, he didn’t respond taken by surprise but relaxed in her embrace. He held her close to him, not wanting to let go ever again.
He made a call, arranging things with someone. They boarded a jet that would take them to Wakanda.
Y/N focused on the blue sky and clouds outside the window provided next to her seat, her mind in a frenzy. Foot tapped in a frantic pace, her knee bouncing up and down. She picked at the cuticles around her nails until they were raw, blood prickling out.
A warm hand placed itself on top of hers, halting her actions. She looked up to Bucky who stood in front of her. He had been observing her nervous tactics, sitting across the other side of the jet from her. Staying silent, he lifted her hands up to assess the damage she’s done to herself. His eyes shifted down to her, searching over her face.
“It’s okay to be nervous,” he said, finally speaking. “I was too believe it or not. But just know that, I’ll be there every step of the way.” His metal hand came to rest on her face, the cold thumb brushing against the bone that sits on the top of the cheek.
She closed her eyes at the cool touch against her skin, nodding in response. He sat down next to her, holding her hand and reassuring her the whole way there.
Soon, they landed in Wakanda. They were greeted by Shuri who showed Y/N around and where they would be sleeping.
Y/N settled in and found herself quite liking Wakanda. It was beautiful beyond belief. The plantation and technology they had were outstanding. On the inside, she was absolutely terrified of what’s to come next. She had no idea what to expect now. Would they really be able to help her? What happens after that? Before she was living in the 40s, and now here she was having to relearn her life in a whole different world.
Summary: Bucky and reader fall in love in the 40s.
Bucky x Reader fluffiness. Warnings: smutty smut smut.
A/N: first part. Other parts will be posted soon. This mini series will have a total of 4 parts.
“Come on, stop being a bum and live a little,” Y/N’s best friend shouted over the music. “Join us!”
Y/N shook her head, not bothering to budge. “I’d rather not,” she answered, with a dry tone. “I’m not really in the mood.”
She rolled her eyes. “Boo,” she complained, giving her a thumbs down. She sauntered away, their other friend following close behind.
Y/N watched the two dancing away, their swing dresses swaying side to side. Unlike her, they were enjoying it and having a good time.
Somehow they had convinced her to come along with them to the dance pub, despite all of her fussing and protests. Her friends were party girls and outgoing, while Y/N was the complete opposite. She wasn’t the type to socialize or go out. To their disappointment, the whole night she stayed by herself in a secluded corner.
Y/N grimaced at the taste of the beer she sipped on. It did, however, satisfy in calming the anxiety brewing in the pit of her stomach. Becoming overwhelmed by the crowd, she discreetly made her way outside for some fresh air.
She leaned against the wall, enjoying the light breeze flowing through the curls that framed her face. A barrette pinned her bangs back. She had let her friends doll her up for the night. Lips were painted a ruby red. The long dress she wore matched her bold lipstick. A white silk bow wrapped around, hugging the gown to her waist.
After a few minutes, she turned to go inside. On the way in, she plowed right into someone. A sharp hard object jabbed the center of her forehead. “Ow,” she whined, rubbing the spot. She looked up to see whoever assaulted her face with their chin to meet the most ravishing steel-blue eyes she’s ever seen. His dark hair was jelled in a side swoop. The navy jacket he had on brought out the different shades of blue in his irises.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,” he apologized. He placed his hands on either side of her head, tilting it, so he could check for a wound. When he found none, he pulled away.
Y/N’s cheeks burned crimson, swooning at his touch. “It’s my fault,” she said, the words stuttering out of her mouth. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
He chuckled at her bashfulness, finding it rather cute. “Well, let me buy you a drink at least,” he offered. “To make up for the bump forming on your forehead.” He lightly poked the red splotch.
She hesitated, but the sweet look he held in his eyes easily changed her mind. “Deal.”
He led her back inside and ordered them a couple of beers.
Y/N sipped on the malty flavored alcohol, watching her friends drunkenly dance with two guys who were just as drunk.
He glanced over to the ladies who were literally stumbling, somehow without falling over themselves, to the melody. “Those are your friends? Why aren’t you having fun with them?”
She shrugged. “It wasn’t really my choice to come here. They dragged me here,” she explained. “Though I would rather be anywhere but here.”
“Well, why don’t you and I dance? Wait…,” he paused, extending his arm. “Silly me, I don’t even know your name. Nice to meet you. I’m James, but you can call me Bucky.”
She shook his hand. “Nice to meet you too. I’m Y/N. And yeah, I doubt that’s the best idea. I’m not good at dancing.”
“I’m not either,” Bucky pointed out, shrugging. He encouraged her to follow him. She reluctantly did so.
Making their way to the dance floor, Bucky placed his hands on her hips. Y/N felt herself relax in his embrace, wounding her arms around his neck. Neither of them was lying. They were both terrible at dancing. Both staggered around awkwardly, attempting to dance, stepping on each other’s toes. Regardless, they were laughing about it, not caring at all.
For once in a long while, Y/N was enjoying herself. She loosened up to Bucky quickly, a smile on her face the whole time. That was until she tripped on her own foot, sending her forward. She tightened her hold, and he hoisted her up to prevent her from falling. So instead of the floor, she fell onto him. Adding to her embarrassment, their lips brushed against each other by accident. Mortified, she yanked away, her cheeks as red as her dress. She opened her mouth to apologize, but her apologies were muffled when his mouth touched hers again.
Bucky smiled against her lips when she kissed back, deepening the kiss. They pulled back, breathless. “Seems like we both suck at dancing,” he joked, chuckling. “It would be my honor to take you out on a date.”
In a dazed voice she replied, “I’d like that.”
• • • • •
A knock brought a smile to Y/N’s face. Before she went downstairs, she checked herself over once more. On the way down, she felt butterflies fluttering about in her stomach. She swallowed the nerves down, taking a deep breath.
“Hi,” Bucky greeted when she opened the door. He stood there looking just as good as he did the other night. “These are for you.” He handed her a bouquet of scarlet red roses.
She took them and gave them a whiff, sighing at the sweet floral scent. “They are so beautiful. Thank you. Hang on, let me put them in water.”
When Y/N returned, he held out his arm for her to take. “Ready?” he asked. She nodded, hooking hers into his. He led her to his car, opening the door for her.
They had a nice dinner at a restaurant he liked and afterwards they took a stroll in the park. They laughed and talked, enjoying each other’s presence. At the end of the night, Bucky drove her home and walked her to the front door.
“I had a delightful time,” Y/N said after a moment of silence.
Bucky grinned. “Me too.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear with his fingers. He looked down at her lips and back up to hers, eyes silently asking. “May I?” he asked, leaning in.
She nodded, shyly, secretly was hoping he would kiss her tonight.
Their mouths brushed against each other, testing the waters first. They both sighed into the kiss when they finally locked together. Bucky’s hand tangled into her locks while the other rested on the side where her jaw and neck met.
“Do you want to take this inside?” Y/N asked against his lips.
Bucky pulled away, a smile lighting up his face with a twinkle in those steely blue eyes. “If that’s what you want.”
Her lips curved up into a smirk, taking a handful of his shirt and tugged him inside. Their mouths drew together in a searing hot kiss. Bucky’s tongue brushed her bottom lip. She happily let him in, tangling hers with his. She walked backwards to her room, him following, without breaking apart.
Her knees found the bed frame. They parted for a moment to remove their clothes, standing completely naked.
Bucky picked her up and laid her down, his lips attacking her neck. He kissed his way around her neck to find her sweet spot. A shaky breath left her mouth letting him know. X marks the spot. He paid extra attention to that particular spot enjoying the way she panted and writhed from his touch. She quivered at the feel of his hard cock against her bare skin.
His mouth traveled further down to her breasts, sucking the sensitive bud in his hot mouth. He didn’t stop his pursuit, having one order of business.
Y/N tensed up feeling his breath wash over her core, anticipating for him to fulfill her needs. She couldn’t hold back the moan when his tongue licked a broad stripe across her entire pussy. He sucked the bundle of nerves into his mouth. Using the skinny end of his tongue, he batted at the swollen clit. He hummed against her causing a vibration to shoot through her.
She arched her back to meet his mouth, a warm feeling building. Her cries echoed through the room as the sweet nectar rushed out.
Bucky pulled back, his mouth and chin glistening. He kissed her so she could taste herself.
Y/N had him switch positions so she could return the favor. He groaned when she wrapped his length between her lips. She licked up his shaft. Then she took him into her mouth as much she could fit. She moved her head up and down, while her hand did a corkscrew motion on the bottom half.
Before he could cum, he brought her back up to him. She guided him into her wet entrance, both moaning in unison. Y/N began moving her hips as he moved his to meet hers in a smooth rhythm.
Bucky then picked her up, laying her down on her back so he could take control. He gripped her waist and stroked in and out of her. Soon enough, he felt himself twitch inside her signaling he was going to blow.
Y/N let out a wild cry while he let out a series of curses and groans, their juices mixing together. They both rested there out of breath like they ran a marathon.
“I gotta be honest,” Bucky began to say suddenly, breaking the silence. “The other night at the pub, it wasn’t an accident, running into each other. Truth is, I saw you earlier and thought you were the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever seen. I just had to find a way to talk to you.”
Y/N giggled at his explanation, blushing at his compliment. “So you purposely jabbed your chin into my forehead. That is so sweet.”
Bucky laughed, too. “Now that was actually an accident. I did not mean for that to happen. That pretty dress you wore caught me in a trance.”
“Mhmm, yeah, right,” she cackled loudly.
Bucky’s heart fluttered. It was the most adorable sound that he could get used to hearing more often.
• • • • •
Y/N hummed softly to the music playing on the small radio. She danced around the kitchen, a mixing bowl in one arm and a whisk in her hand. A chuckle from behind startled her, making her yelp. Cake batter flung out of the bowl as she whirled around, holding the whisk up ready to fight the intruder. She relaxed when she saw who it was, setting the cookware down.
“James Buchanan Barnes!” she exclaimed, hands on her hips. “You scared the hell out of me. When did you even get home?”
Bucky covered his mouth to muffle his laugh, failing miserably, erupting in a fit of laughter. “I got home a few minutes ago,” he answered, once he was done. His lips coiled into a grin, taking in the scene in front of him. Flour covered the kitchen counter, including Y/N. Not to mention the cake batter that had just splattered everywhere. “I’ve just been enjoying this little show you’ve put on. You made quite a mess, Doll.”
Y/N couldn’t help the red flaring on her cheeks and groaned in annoyance. She looked at the sight of the chocolate dessert she was trying to bake that now decorated the floor instead. “It’s all ruined,” she whined, pouting. “I wanted to bake you a cake for your birthday.”
Bucky walked over to kiss those pouty lips, the smug smile not leaving his anytime soon.
She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. To make matters worse, she hadn’t noticed the batter had gotten on her hands as well that left a brown smear across.
Another roar of laughter bellowed from Bucky’s chest, only laughing more when she glared at him. He scooped the chocolatey goodness up with the tip of his finger and brought it to his mouth. “What a shame that cake would have been delicious.”
Y/N wiped the remaining chocolate from herself with the apron around her waist and tossed it to the side. “What am I going to do now?” she complained, slouching against the counter in defeat.
Bucky softened at her dismay, cupping her face in his hands to get her to look at him. “I appreciate the effort, love.,” he said sweetly, his lips just a hair from hers. “But I have everything I could ever ask for right in front of me.”
All of the mess and fret melted away when they kissed. The kiss turned hastily fast. Tongues dancing. Y/N grabbed onto the collar of his shirt to tug him closer, which he obliged. She locked her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom.
Bucky laid her down on the bed, his hand finding its way under her blouse. He left a trail of kisses from her lips to her neck. His teeth nipped at the delicate flesh, drawing a breathy moan from her that was like music to his ears. He flicked his tongue to soothe the sting, while his fingers worked diligently on the buttons in the front of her shirt, throwing it to the side. The other hand guiding her to his mouth again.
Y/N fiddled with the end of his polo, lifting it up over his head. She let her hand wander down his torso, satisfied in the way he pulsed under her touch.
Bucky hissed through gritted teeth when she grabbed the bulge forming in his trousers. They both kicked off their bottoms, discarding them to the floor. He undid the clasps of her satin bra. Once it was removed to reveal her perky breasts, he cupped them in his palms, kneading them. He captured one of the buds with his mouth, rolling it between his tongue and the ridged roof. Not forgetting the other, he gave it the same treatment.
His hand traveled down to her sensitive core, strumming the swollen nub through the fabric of her undergarment like a guitar. He enjoyed the sounds that he caused, leaving her lips. Bucky went to advance further down, but she stopped him, grabbing his face.
“Please, Bucky, I need you,” she begged.
At her request, he didn’t waste time. He bunched up her panties and tore it from her skin, chucking his briefs off next.
They both moaned in pleasure as he pushed himself inside her wet core. He found a good rhythm, looking down at her lovingly. Bucky felt the rise of his high building up, quickening the pace. Their hot breaths mixed together.
“I’m going to cum, Bucky,” she whimpered out, writhing beneath him.
“Me too, baby.” He gripped her hips, bringing her body as close to his as possible. His entire length pounded into her pussy, the wetness she was producing making it nice and slick
Y/N cried out in satisfaction, feeling her juices flow out while Bucky growled out as his own mixed with hers.
They laid in silence beside the sounds of their heavy breaths, sweat beading their bare skin.
“Well, how about we go out for dinner?” Bucky suggested after catching his breath.
“Good idea,” Y/N agreed.
• • • • •
Bucky slung the door open of the small Brooklyn apartment. Noticing the lights were left on, he scanned around suspiciously. A smile graced his face at the sight of Y/N fast asleep on the couch. She must have waited up for him.
He knelt down to her level. His fingers brushed the soft velvet skin. On the inside, he was sad and dreading for what’s coming. The United States had entered the war, and he was enlisted. He was being deployed in the next couple of days. It was something he needed to do it. He had a duty to fulfill.
Being a light sleeper, Y/n stirred awake. Her eyes fluttered open to his touch. “You’re home,” she mumbled, sleep in her voice.
“Yeah, sorry to wake you, love,” he whispered softly. “Just, um, I need to tell you something.”
She sat up with worry written on her face, his tone and demeanor giving away there was something wrong. “What is it?”
He tried to give her a reassuring smile, his lips faltering. “They enlisted me in the army today. And I have to go in a couple of days.”
At first, she just stared at him, not completely believing what he said, or rather hoping he was lying. By now, she knew him enough to know he was telling the truth. She had known he had been training for the army, but she feared the day he would have to leave for war. It was her turn to fake a smile to be strong. She couldn’t control the quiver in her lips. “I don’t know what to say, but what you’re doing is right.” Her eyes watered.
Bucky’s heart ached at the sight of her tears. He didn’t bother trying to keep his own from falling. He disliked seeing her sad and hated it even more that he was the cause. But she was right, it’s what he had to do.
He pulled her into his lap, holding her close. His chin rested at the top of her head while she buried her face into his chest. He stroked the small of her back in an effort to bring her comfort. “Let’s go to bed, Doll,” he said, after a while. She nodded, but didn’t make a move to get up. He understood what she wanted. She always loved when he carried her to bed.
Bucky plucked her up off his lap, carrying her bridal style, and whizzed her away to the bedroom. He helped her out of her clothes and into her night gown.
Y/N waited on the bed for him while he changed into his sleepwear. He slipped under the covers next to her, and she stuck to him like a magnet. Bucky tilted her head up to kiss her sweetly on the lips. She sighed into the kiss.
She mewled in objection when he pulled away. Even though he would love to continue, he knew they were both vulnerable right now. He decided it was best to not take advantage of the situation.
“Let’s get some rest, okay, Doll?” he whispered against her ear. “We’ll have plenty of time to do more of that tomorrow. In fact, how about we spend the entire day together?”
She hummed in agreement. His hand ran patterns down her spine as she closed her eyes, his touch lulling her to sleep.
Delicate Type of Beauty- Chapter 5: Who I Really Am
Summary: As you come closer to finding your brother, Bucky begins to learn more of who you are.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes × f!oc-insert
Word Count: 2,755
Warnings: A few curses, angst, gun TW, violence
A/N: Here's the end of Part One! Part Two takes place during TFATWS. Thank you to everyone that has read so far!
Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist
Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!
You groaned at the sound of your phone vibrating against the wooden surface of the coffee table, the voices on the television become louder the more you wake up from your slumber. You don’t even remember falling asleep last night.
As you tried to sit up, you felt a weight holding you down on your waist. Your eyes widened once you realized it was someone’s arm, making you freeze in place when you saw that the arm belonged to Bucky.
You figure that you both must’ve fallen asleep while watching whatever crappy movie that had been on. Looking over your shoulder, you could see his face, every feature, relaxed. He looked… peaceful.
No! You can’t be doing this! You know better than to let it get this far!
Gently, you lifted his arm off your waist and placed it behind you as you sat up. You grabbed your phone off the table as you got up, quietly making your way to your bedroom. Shutting the door behind you, you finally looked at the message that was sent by one of your contacts.
Attachment: Docks Security Footage Camera 4
Your heart started hammering as you clicked on it, praying that it would be something, anything, that would help you find Colton. You just needed to find him.
It showed the vehicle that had approached Colt in the other video from another angle, this time giving a clear image of the driver. You started moving quickly, grabbing your laptop and hooking your phone up to it. You downloaded the image and ran it through your facial recognition program.
Within minutes, it came back with a match, showing his name and address. He only lived about half an hour drive from the docks, meaning that he wasn’t that far from you. Now, you only had to talk to him.
Bucky woke up to the sound of someone rushing back and forth through the rooms of your apartment, which made him sit up on your couch to find that you were the someone. He stretched as he watched you stuff different items into your backpack.
“Where’s the fire?” Bucky grunted, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
His gruff morning voice made you stop in your tracks. In your hurry to leave, you had forgotten that Bucky Barnes was asleep on your couch. Only you would forget something like that.
“I, um… Some personal business came up. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, even help yourself to whatever’s left in the fridge,” you told him as you flung your backpack over your shoulder.
Bucky stood up from your couch, resting his hands on his hips as he looked you over. “Kris, what’s going on?” He questioned, his gaze never leaving yours. He knew something just happened, something big.
You shook your head, pushing past him towards your door. “I’ll talk to you later,” you stated, walking out the door without another word.
Devon Kline. That was the man that you had tracked down, right to the address you were currently staking out. You found out that he makes and sells passports to get out of the country, for the right price. It didn’t make sense to you that your brother would go to him, especially since the borders were open during the Blip.
You were scrolling through Devon’s page, waiting for him to come back home. There wasn’t much interaction on it since the Blip had occurred, except for a few from anonymous users. Apparently your brother was one of them.
Hearing a car door slam, you look up to see Devon getting out of his car and jogging up the steps to his front door. Once he was secured inside, that’s when you start your way over, looking down both ways of the street to make sure there weren't any witnesses. Everything was looking like it was going your way for once.
Except for when a man fell into stride beside you.
“Nice day we’re having, huh?” Bucky said to you, looking ahead of him. What the hell was he doing here? Did he follow you?
“What the hell are you doing?” You asked him, pulling him aside so you two were out of view of Devon’s windows.
Bucky turned to face you, shrugging his shoulders. “I could ask you the same thing,” he retorted, gesturing to the house you were targeting. “Why are you stalking this guy’s house?”
You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Oh, you don’t get to ask questions, Barnes. Now go, I got a job to do,” you tell him, starting back towards the house.
“He knows something about your brother, doesn’t he?”
You stopped, taking a deep breath. “I just want to help. You have no idea what you’re walking into,” Bucky tried, walking to stand in front of you again.
“I’m pretty sure I can handle a guy that just illegally makes and sells passports, Buck,” you inform him. When he still doesn’t budge, you let out a sigh. “Fine, just follow my lead,” you give in, starting back towards the house with Bucky right behind you.
Once you make it up the steps to the porch, you knock on the door, checking again for any witnesses from the neighboring houses. Bucky stood off to the side, his fists clenching at his sides. It takes a few minutes for the door to open halfway, Devon sticking his head out to look over both you and Bucky.
“What the hell you want?” Devon spits out, not opening the door any wider. You could tell he was nervous, just by judging his demeanor. It was obvious that he apparently didn’t get a lot of visitors, which might be in your favor.
“Hello there! My husband and I were wanting to get away for our anniversary, but with everyone coming back, it’s been hectic trying to get out of the country, I’m sure you know all about that. Anywho, a friend of ours recommended going to you, said you were the best in the business!” You cheerfully told him, grabbing and holding on to Bucky’s arm. “Isn’t that right, hunny?”
Bucky gave the man a closed lipped smile. “It sure is, sweetheart,” he played along, wrapping his arm around your waist.
Kline frowned, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know what the hell you two talkin’ ‘bout. You better piss off,” he snapped, slamming the door in your face. Bucky dropped his arm from your waist, leaning over to check the window.
“If we wait a couple hours, we can just-”
Bucky was cut off by the sound of you kicking the door in and bursting inside. His eyes widened in surprise, standing in a brief shock before running in after you. He had no idea what was running through your mind, and was wondering where you had been hiding this side of you from him.
He could see the fear in the man that you were after eyes as you approached him. Even when the man pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot you, you didn’t even stop. Bucky’s heart started hammering as the man aimed the barrel at your face, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get to you in time.
No, no, no! Not you too! His mind started screaming at him, begging his body to move faster, to get there before the man pulled the trigger.
This, however, wasn’t your first rodeo.
You swiftly moved just as the bullet shot out, grabbing the gun with one hand and bending his wrist backwards with the other, not even flinching when there was a disturbing pop. Devon cried out in pain as you shoved him against the wall.
“I’m only going to ask you this one time. Colton Baxley, where did he want to go?” You asked him through gritted teeth. You didn’t have time to deal with anymore bullshit.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about! Please, just let me go, man!” Devon exclaimed, tears streaming down his face. “I’ll give you anything, just don’t kill me!”
“The man you met at the docks! Where did he want to go?!” You shouted, shoving him against the wall again. You were starting to lose your patience.
“Somewhere in Asia! I don’t ask any questions beyond that, I didn’t even know the guy’s real name,” Devon confessed, shaking his head. “I just know that the name on the passport was Kevin Bond, I swear!”
You let go of him, unloading the clip from the gun, throwing it on the ground. “You tell anyone about this, you will wish you never came home today. And I will know if you do,” you threatened before you turned away, pushing past Bucky without a single word.
Bucky quickly followed out after you, grabbing your arm once you both reached your car. “What the hell was that?” He questioned, gesturing back towards the house. “It was like you were a totally different person in there.”
You shrugged, unlocking your car door. “I got what I needed. How I get it, doesn’t matter,” you answered him. “You know how it is,” you added, your eyes scanning the neighborhood again.
Bucky shook his head, scoffing. “So what now? You’re gonna go to Asia and kill anyone that doesn’t give you the answers you need?”
“That’s what you did,” you shot back, slamming your car door closed. You could see the flash of hurt in his eyes, a pang of guilt running through you. You knew you shouldn’t have let yourself get close, so now you have to fix it.
“The girl that you get coffee and lunch with? She’s not real, hasn’t been for a while. Me, I’ve done things people can’t even imagine,” you start, walking closer to him. “You ever wondered how I knew who you were? How I know Romanian? It’s because I was stationed in Bucharest when my team found you after the Helicarrier incident. We organized the team that ended up bringing you into Germany.”
Bucky tensed up, his jaw clenched as his eyes narrowed on you. You observed his movements, knowing you succeeded in what you were trying to accomplish. With that, you turned away and got back in your car. “Goodbye, James.”
As you pulled off, you refused to look at him in your rearview mirror, wiping away the tears that started to fall. You had to do what you had to do, whether you wanted to or not.
“What do you mean I can’t leave the country?!” You shouted into your phone as you paced your apartment.
“I’m sorry ma’am, but until the Global Repatriation Council votes on global resettlement, no U.S. government personnel, active or not, is allowed to leave the States,” the woman on the phone tried to explain to you.
You ended the call, throwing your phone down on your couch as you pinched the bridge of your nose. They weren’t going to let you leave. You finally get a breakthrough and you’re stuck right where you are. What were you supposed to do now? How were you supposed to find Colton?
Letting out a shaky breath, you took a seat on your couch, grabbing your phone. Looking at the time, you realized that Bucky would just now be getting home from lunch out with Yuri. You thought that by hurting him and leaving, you would be able to stop thinking about him, but clearly, you were wrong.
You ruined your relationship with him, and you know it was completely all your fault. You hurt him, you lied to him, you were a complete and utter bitch to him. And you know it.
You know you can’t look for your brother anymore, but you could at least go apologize to the one man that actually cared.
Bucky had just walked into his apartment when he heard a soft knock at his door. He sighed as he checked the peephole, his expression hardening once he saw that it was you. He had been avoiding you for the last few days, waiting for you to leave for Asia. If anything, he was surprised you were still here.
“Buck, I know you’re home,” he heard you say, but didn’t move to open the door. “You have every right to be pissed, I know what I did. I just… I want to apologize,” you continued, letting out an uneven breath.
He didn’t know why, but he opened the door then, his hardened expression still on his face. You glanced up at him, licking your lips. Yeah, he was definitely still pissed.
“I just wanted to say that I was sorry. What I said to you was uncalled for, and I could have said it way differently. When I started talking to you, I told myself that I wasn’t going to get too close. After all, you used to be one of my targets, so I knew it wouldn’t end well for either of us,” you started, looking down at your feet before looking back up at him.
“I… I wanted to hurt you on purpose. I thought that if I did, it would make it easier for me to leave, that you wouldn’t want to come with me, because I know you would have wanted to,” you said, tapping the thick yellow envelope that you held in your hands
Bucky scoffed as he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. “Oh, because you know me so well,” he snapped. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, biting your lip. You deserved it.
“I know everything about the Winter Soldier, yes. Bucky Barnes, on the other hand, is just someone that I wish I knew. But what I do know about Bucky Barnes is that he is a strong, loyal, and caring man that I hurt,” you told him, your voice cracking slightly at the end. “He is a man that taught me to be myself again after years of pretending to be someone that I’m not.”
Bucky’s hardened look started to slip away as he looked away from you, his arms falling to his sides. He didn’t know what he should do. He wanted to forgive you, but he didn’t want to allow himself to do so. He opened his mouth to say something, but was stopped by you.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me, Bucky. I just wanted you to know the truth,” you tell him, using the back of your free hand to wipe your eyes. You weren’t going to allow yourself to cry right now, you didn’t have the right to.
His eyes then landed on the big yellow envelope you were holding, clearing his throat before speaking. “What’s that?”
You looked down at the envelope that was currently in your grip. “It’s everything on me. Mission reports, family documents, even notes from that therapist. Everything. I wanted you to read it,” you answered, holding it out towards him.
Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed together as he looked at it. “Why?” Why would you want him to read that?
“It’s only fair, don’t you think?” You said as you gave it to him. “I’ll, uh, see you around, Bucky,” you ended before walking back to your own apartment.
Bucky stared down at the envelope in his hands, his eyes scanning the confidential that was stamped on it. He shook his head, walking out after you. “Kris, wait,” he called out.
You stopped at your door, turning back towards him. He dropped the envelope at your feet, looking you in your eyes. “I don’t want to know everything about you. I only want to know what you want to tell me,” he told you, reaching for your hand.
Hesitantly, you take it, looking up at him. It didn’t make sense to you why he was doing this, but you weren’t going to question it. You watched as his eyes flickered down to your lips for a split second, causing a small smile to form across them.
As you both started leaning closer, lips nearly touching, your phone started going off, causing the both of you to start chuckling softly. You apologized as you took your phone out to see what was making it go off like crazy, your eyes widening once you read it.
“What’s wrong?” Bucky asked as you let go of his hand. Judging by the expression on your face, it couldn’t be good.
You looked away from your phone, meeting his concerned eyes. This wasn’t good.
“There’s a new Captain America.”
@bucky-bunnie @learisa @magconfangurl1 @lylthy @rosiahills22 @denimbex1986 @twd-rocks-blog (If you would like to be removed/added please let me know!)
Summary: the Winter Soldier finds something interesting in you, and so he decides to take you away and spare your life. On the other hand, you hoped to die.
Warnings: implied future non con, non con touching, anxiety, kidnapping. Only +18, no minors are allowed to read. If you do not feel safe with these warnings, please do not read. Every comment, reblog, like or ask is fully appreciated. <3
Masterlist | Dark!Bucky Barnes New Dark Fiction
"What are you doing?" you asked terrified, observing the figure that loomed more and more on yours. You had your wrists tied behind your back and awakened in a place you didn't know, with a plain dirty floor and an old mattress in the center of the room you were currently crawling on.
You remembered your place of business again hours before: you weren't an important member of that organization, and that probably saved your life. But now, you'd rather be dead like all those the winter soldier killed in front of you. You desperately looked into his icy eyes, looking for any sign of compassion or pity, but there was nothing. There was only that indecipherable look, different from that murderous and calculating look he wore in that building, now destroyed by what would surely pass as an accidentally caused fire.
And you would have been considered dead in that fire, you knew that. You felt the anxiety devour you from within and you thought your heart would explode at moments from how hard it was beating. You kept sobbing and your body was shaking violently, and the tears just didn't stop. You opened your mouth to scream as you saw the soldier, still soaked in the blood of those men, lower to your level. He was still holding that damn mask up and showing you only his long wavy hair and those eyes of his. You refused to observe it, you could not, the terror paralyzed you on the spot.
He did not like it. You felt an iron grip in your hair that made you scream in pain as he forced you to look up. With his other hand, however, he took off that mask. You couldn't help but beg for mercy when you saw a small smile adorn his face. He looked soft and sweet, but you knew it better: you had heard the bones of those men crack from his vibrating arm and all those shots. You felt them, they were in your head.
"I won't hurt you." he muttered softly, and sounded fucking crazy. You thought he really lost it. You tried to catch your breath as he, to your surprise, he began to free your aching and certainly bruised wrists from the tight rope. You sniffed at him, scrutinizing his face carefully. Then, you tried to get away from too much proximity. You had it a few millimeters from your face and it was too close.
That little smile disappeared in a short time, and instead of him continuing to advance towards you, he decided to hold you under his weight and force you to lie down. He gave a satisfied sigh and a small moan as he felt your breasts meet his still covered chest. At that moment you desperately began to struggle, trying to push him away and scratch him.
You got a strong slap in response and a split lower lip. You tasted your own blood, but apparently there was someone else who was curious to taste it. You watched the soldier approach without hesitation, sucking on his lower lip. His hands gripped your hips in such a dangerous way that you feared what would happen next.
"You said you wouldn't hurt me." you whispered shortly after the soldier walked away. Then, he smiled faintly at you, this time with more irony and malice.
"You're right, but if you misbehave you don't give me much choice." his answer only made you whimper. His eyes were watching you carefully, and at the moment the soldier was interested that you hadn't opened your eyes. You were keeping them tightly closed, but you would not have left that room, not even with your mind.
A subtle idea crossed his mind. He began to let his hands wander over your body, savoring its curves, lingering on your breasts and inner thighs. Oh, how he came dangerously close to that sweet spot, and his senses of him even felt your arousal. He licked his lower lip, then leaned over and kissed you with burning passion.
He knew from the first moment that he couldn't kill you, it would be a waste. Besides, he deserved an award for all those missions. He groaned at the heat that you emitted and that pathetic struggle that you put into action every time. He made him damn horny, which the soldier shouldn't have done.
Yet he was doing it. And he would do a lot more once he tore those clothes off you.