#the upside of unrequited my beloved....

[katyawriteswhump]

The power of love, part 5 (steddie, stobin, steve whump fic)

Steve has a habit of surviving near death experiences then getting sick for no reason. And Eddie and those fatal bat bites? After an impossible feat of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from Steve, he’s mysteriously fixed. So, Eddie’s back to being banished, this time with Steve and Robin in tow. Eddie’s healing, but Steve isn’t… and life gets even more confusing, when Eddie develops feelings for Steve, which aren’t entirely unrequited.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12

Eddie POV

Robin spreads out a map they’d taken from the Harringtons across the blanket on Steve’s bed. She points to their current location. 

“So, this is us. We’re away from the road but still waaay too screaming-in-your-face easy to find.” She slides her finger a few inches across the map. “This old loggers’ camp is deep in the forest and could be the perfect place to hide. However, it’s over seven miles and we might have to hike, if the track is broken up. Steve? What do you say?”

“What am I supposed to say, Robin?” Steve sits up against the pillows, arms folded. “Let’s get going.”

“It’s a loooong way for you, if we can’t drive, man,” says Eddie.

“I’m good. Jesus! Hiking is in her top ten least favourite pass times. Not mine.” Steve throws off the covers, pushes himself up. He repels Eddie’s attempt to help with a jab of his elbow then leans heavily on the wall. “When do we start?”

“Hold your horses, cowboy.” Eddie cranes over the map. “My beloved Pa had a few hideouts round this way—”

“Yeah, they must’ve been totally undiscoverable,” snarks Steve, “what with Al Munson being FOREVER IN JAIL.”

“If you’re feeling so much better, Dingus, THEN STOP BEING A BITCH.” That was Robin, now matching Steve’s glare. “Go on, Eddie. What’s your plan?”

They strike out for the logging camp that afternoon, planning to break their journey in a cave, which Eddie’s Pops had used a couple of times. They drive the first part of the trail, then set off on foot when the track gets too uneven for the Lincoln’s tyres. Most of the trail is uphill through forest. Steve, however, refuses any help, and insists on taking his share of supplies.

He says very little, walking close to Robin. She wavers between cajoling him into taking breaks, and an encouraging monologue. Eddie goes ahead, using a compass and some basic tracking skills Wayne taught him, while squinting at the hazy sun. And, obviously, he seeks the easiest path for Steve.

“You know I suck at directions, right?” he whispers to Robin, while Steve takes a ‘moment,’ sitting down. “Though I’m gonna blame Vecna—and the matter that Hawkins is now one big, fiery Upside Down doormat—for blowing the compass off.”

She bats a bug from her nose. “Ugh! If it’s any consolation, trail finding was never exactly my number one skill, either.”

“How about Captain America over there?”

“He literally never knows his left from his right.” Eddie’s rarely seen anything more loving than the look she casts Steve’s way. “I think it’s gotten harder for him. He’s had... uh, quite a few blows to the head in recent years. Never seen him like this before. I’m worried, Eddie.”

“Me too.” Eddie swipes hair from his brow, finding it slick with sweat. “Talking of Vecna-skewed compasses and Vecna in general. Should we also worry about his crazy-ass cravings for Lover’s Lake?”

“At this juncture, I’m hoping it’s all some kind of freaky coincidence.” She actually closes her eyes, as if offering up a silent prayer. “I mean, even when he’s outta his mind, Steve really, really loves swimming. On the other hand, if going near the lake actually made Steve better, and that’s why he healed so quick after his initial bat attack, then… then…  Oh shit, I don’t even want to say it.”

Their gazes lock, and Eddie knows they’re brain sharing: There’s a gate to the Upside Down in Lover’s Lake. If Steve’s somehow linked to it some evil-magic-juju fashion, then… 

“You don’t seriously think he’s flayed?” Eddie little more than mouths the words.

Robin slices up a forbidding hand, so fast Eddie fliches. “No. Not that. He can’t be. Vecna isn’t in his head—he’d tell us, right? I mean, there could be a more physical link to the Upside Down and the hive mind, like with Will at various stages, but… No, no, no. We’re catastrophising, huh?”

Eddie nods keenly, which does little to dispel his unease. On the other hand, Robin is right. Nothing about Steve’s behaviour is shouting “flayed” or whatever. Including the teeny, tiny matter of Steve bringing Eddie back from extinction, though that remains totally unexplained. Yeah, it could be simply because death happens differently in the Upside Down.

Steve hauls himself up, hugging a tree. “What we waiting for? Bears to come bite our sorry butts?”

“There are bears out here?” Robin squeaks.

“He’s kidding,” mutters Eddie. At least, Eddie hopes he is. Steve still looks dead grumpy and serious.

They make the caves by sunset. They’ve got flashlights, and Eddie and Robin could’ve pressed on through the night, but Steve blatantly can’t. As soon as they arrive, he slumps down against the rockface, curls his legs up. He presses his face to his knees and rocks himself gently.

“You sure you’re all right?” asks Eddie.

“Next person who asks me that gets punched.”

Ooookay. No change in Steve’s mood then. Robin reassures herself there are no bear scratches in the cave then heads out to scout the route for the next morning. Eddie starts unpacking the bedding and cereal.

The air in the cave is cool and thick with damp. Eddie kinda likes it anyhow. Amid the must and mould, he inhales the faintest hint of charcoal. He pictures his Pa shacked up here, also on the run. He can’t help chuckle: I tried soooo hard not to follow in your footsteps. 

Steve, meanwhile, is huddling ever more tightly in on himself.

Eddie’s tempted to light a fire, as he imagines it gets cold in caves overnight, plus it’s still only April. However, he fears the smoke, if not the flames, could billow out of the narrow entrance and be spotted from miles around. Maybe that’s where you went wrong, Daddy dearest.

“You want a blanket?” ventures Eddie, sitting down next to Steve. Not quite touching, though. “Anything to eat? C’mon, dude. We all gotta keep our strength up.”

He taps the cereal packet against Steve’s arm, startling him into looking up. The torchlight heightens the shadows beneath Steve’s cheekbones, making him look horribly pale and gaunt. Kinda ghost-like, though Eddie stifles a gasp of shock for a different reason.

Steve Harrington is crying. Though trying his darndest not to—gritting his teeth, swiping the tell-tale moisture from his cheekbones. “God! I’m beyond pathetic. No wonder everyone thinks I’m a total dud.”

Cereal cast aside, Eddie squeezes Steve’s knee then retreats like the coward he is. “What are you on about? You’re, like, the most popular guy in town.”

Steve’s scowl is angry, incredulous and broken in equal measures. “Was, man. It was all a bunch of bull, and… totally irrelevant. I mean, haven’t you seen enough? We need to move, to keep moving, to evade capture, to get ready to fight Vecna again. I can barely walk.”

“Oookay, let’s rewind and be kind, Stevie.” He gets away with that sneaky pet-name again. “You’re feeling down because you’re… I dunno, sick, hurt, tired. Where do I begin? Fact is, you’re not a superhero man, you bleed and bruise like the rest of us lesser mortals… but you are a freakin’ hero.”

Steve’s brittle laugh breaks on a sob, against which he clamps his jaw even tighter. Eddie further musters his courage and slings an arm around Steve, who tenses. Then exhaustion wins. Steve sinks sideways against Eddie and rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder.

Soon, Steve’s shuddering breaths even out. The weirdest thing is that, despite how cranky Steve’s been all afternoon, this closeness feels disarmingly natural. That said, in the past forty-eight hours, they’ve had little choice but to become… intimate. Even Eddie's fizzing nerves soon settle.

“One thing’s for sure,” says Eddie, at length. “I’m more jealous than ever. I mean, Henderson’s respect for you must’ve skyrocketed and it was excruciatingly stratospheric already. I’m just the goon you brought back from the dead.”

Steve sniffles, lifts his head from Eddie’s shoulder. “I didn’t do anything really, man. Basic CPR. I executed a move.”

“Yeeeah.” A silly grin tugs the edges of Eddie’s mouth. “With your lips, dude.” 

Steve smirks, and… Woah! Eddie spots something he’d wondered if he’d imagined several times. Including earlier, when Steve collapsed against him on the way back from the outhouse. 

That merest hint of… attraction? Of flirty fun? 

Just as Eddie decides he’s imagining it—again—that spark reaches Steve’s too-pretty, too-sad eyes, and he says: 

“That was kinda fresh of me.”

Eddie’s tongue flaps away before he can stop it: “Tell you one other thing for sure—if you'd asked permission to get all smoochey, for whatever reason, I'd have granted you a full-access backstage pass.” Then Eddie’s brain kicks in. “Aaaaaand, that was dumb. What with you being the straightest guy in the history of ever.” 

Steve’s sparkle vanishes, and he turns his face to the darkness. “Go to Hell! Why does everyone always make such massive assumptions about me?”

“You’re not straight? I mean, I assumed… You’re you. You’ve got girlie mag centerfolds in your room!”

“You’re judging me on that?” Steve ruffles his hair and groans, sounding more wearily upset than agitated. “Look, man, I’ve not changed my room since sophomore year. In case you’re missing any of the plot, I’ve had other crap going on.” 

“Yeah, but you and Wheeler! The way you look at her, and the way she looks at—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Steve sinks his forehead to his knees again. Nevertheless, Eddie’s arm is still around him, and he’s not shrugged it off.  What’s more, it seems he does want to talk, even if it’s rambling and kinda hard to follow: 

“I've been through stuff like this before, Eddie. Getting hurt and shit, hit so hard I black out and the doctors give me all these scary warnings. It’s weird, whenever I wake after being hurt, it feels as if loads of time has passed, even if it’s only been a few minutes. I always feel… shitty, of course, but also… a bit different. It’s confusing… Probably bullshit. It’s all bullshit.”

Different. 

Eddie’s heart gives a little squeeze, which he kinda despairs of. Not before he’s given Steve a small squeeze, too. “What kind of different?”

“I dunno. Like.... this time around, I'm not so into Nance. Or maybe feeling so crappy this past day has given even my thick head perspective, and I can see it’s hopeless. I mean, I figured I was in love with Robin once, when I “came back” from being knocked out, and, of course, I do love her but... not like that. She gets me… better than I do, I guess. Talk to her if you want anything about me to make sense.” He yawns. “I’m soooo tired, man.”

Soon, Steve’s sunk so deep against Eddie, his head is in Eddie’s lap. Eddie drags a blanket up over Steve, then finds himself tentatively stroking Steve’s hair. He’s unsure if Steve is asleep or not. Either way, Steve sighs, kinda melts beneath his touch. Wherever he’s drifted off to, it seems peaceful.

Eddie tries and fails not to think on how trippy this is: I got Steve ‘King of Hawkins High’ Harrington asleep in my lap, and he just snapped at me for suggesting he was straight. 

He also tries and fails not to worry about the whole Lover’s-Lake-giving-Steve-weird-juju issue. Steve just straight-up told him he’s been through near-death experiences before and come back different. Yeah, Eddie’s cheerleading for the GOOD variety of different. However, in Hawkins, and in life in general:

Odds are stacked in the favour of BAD different, Munson. As in FLAYED different.

No. He’s not going down that path. Robin would notice anything weird about Steve, and Steve’s not acting strange. He’s just… strangely sick, though it’s not that odd, really, after all he’s been through.

Yeah, right. And My Little Pony seahorses are gonna surf in on a tsunami of petals and save the day. 

Man, it sucks being such a cynic.

He doesn’t notice Robin slip back in until she’s nearly upon them. “You two got cosy, then,” she whispers.

“I got a creeping suspicion he’s gonna break my neck in the morning for this.”

She wiggles her brows. “Oh, I dunno. His bark is totally worse than his bite.”

“I can hear you, asshats,” mumbles Steve. Robin’s brows shoot sky high. “I don’t want to be sleeping on his bony knees, but some moron forgot to bring pillows.”

Eddie strokes Steve’s hair into that warm groove behind his ear, and finally discovers he’s too tired to worry about anything much at all.

Part Six

...

(also on AO3 here and as part of my steve whump fic series)

tags: @estrellami-1 (thank you, thank you, thank you!) If anybody else would like to be tagged on this fic or any of my writing, please let me know :) Reblogs, comments and likes also very much appreciated :) Thank you for reading so far.

#steddie #steve harrington whump #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington x eddie munson #platonic stobin #stobin #stranger things fanfic #steve and robin #steve harrington hc #steve harrington hurt/comfort

[lucydacusgirl]

When becky albertalli said everything feels like the end of the world. Or the beginning of the world.

#the upside of unrequited my beloved....

[agendratum]

i’m not sure what’s the point of me making this post, but i feel that if i don’t make it i will explode. lately i’ve been reading even more posts discussing the issue of restricting adult content in order to protect kids from accessing something they shouldn’t access. and even tho to my dash they usually get already filled with opinions and points from people with whom i agree, and they all explain their view of this issue in a wonderfully worded way, i still end up seething with rage, probably from the fact that this discourse even exist and cause there are people who still don’t get it, even after so many lengthy posts were written to explain why labeling stuff correctly and letting minors know this stuff right here isn’t for them is good, but censorship really isn’t. anyway i might even regret making this post later, but currently i’m literally seething so here it is.

here’s a picture of some books i own with their wonderfully colorful covers.

you might recognize some of these books.

top row, from left to right: leah on the offbeat by becky albertalli, wilder girls by rory power, the upside of unrequited by becky albertalli, we are okay by nina lacour, darius the great is not okay by adib khorram

bottom row, from left to right: love, creekwood by becky albertalli, i was born for this by alice oseman, simon vs the homosapien agenda by becky albertalli, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire sáenz and one book that is actually from russia, the days of our lives by mikita franco

you might also notice that all of these books are labeled as “18+”. you might wonder, why that? none of them contain anything explicit! (haven’t read darius and the days yet, but i have a funny feeling they also don’t contain anything too “scandalous”) they are all beloved ya novels that tell stories of teenagers or high school graduates going through their life journeys, emotional journeys, self-discovery, coming outs, coming-of-age. even the body horror in wilder girls has nothing on the shit that happens in warrior cats books that i read when i was 10 (and those are not labeled as inappropriate for kids btw). so why would they be labeled as 18+?

well i’ll tell you. they all in one way or another touch upon the topic of lgbt+. they all have characters, main or secondary, that are gay, trans, etc. these characters being queer isn’t even always the main point, i mean yeah, simon is about a journey of a closeted gay teenager, but in wilder girls they’re just trying to survive on an island with a deadly virus. yet they dare to be gay while doing so. 

well, you might ask, what about it? there is nothing 18+ about being gay

labeling these ya books as 18+ might be the only way for this publisher to sell them in every bookstore around the country with no issues. (there are of course other publishers that work with lgbt themed books, but all the books in this picture happen to be from popcorn books, an incredible russian publishing house, that’s doing god’s work this all the books they sell). all thanks go to the law against “propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations among minors“ that was passed in 2013. and while you might think that none of these book actively participate in so called propaganda, it’s just always better to be safe than sorry. (this is also probably the part of the post where i should specify, this is how i see the situation and this wasn’t outright stated by the publishing house itself, but in no point of time since the law was passed in 2013, would it be a smart move to announce proudly: “we’re labeling these books as 18+ even tho they’re not 18+ at all, because we don’t want to break a stupid law that makes no sense and is ruining people’s lives”)

the first book from this picture that i bought was simon, it was also one of the first books published by them. i was in my twenties already, definitely not a teenager. i also already read simon a couple of years before that happened, in english, on my phone. i was the happiest when i held it in my hands, when i took a subway train where i carefully peeled off the protective layer of plastic film, not meant to protect the book, but meant to protect the minors from taking a peek at the 18+ books, as all of them are covered in film when sold in bookstores. i cried at some random mention of simon being gay on one of the first pages, as i never expected to read that in russian translation.

thankfully, when you go to a bookstore, as well as a library, and buy books, no one asks for your passport. it doesn’t matter what you buy. and after all, you don’t even need to go to a bookstore, you can just order the books online. you can order directly from the publishing house too, no one will ask how old you are, and no one will stop you from taking the film off the book once you own it.

but you can lock the books away. create a separate section for adult content. make cashiers in bookstores always ask for your passport when you buy books like that. make them not sell books like that to you if you’re under 18. these? these will also end up being locked away. the kids that just want to read about other kids like them will have to find loopholes to maybe somehow get them on the internet or ask somebody else to buy them, if they even have anyone to ask. or they might not even find out that books like these exist. but at least they’ll be safe, right?

you might say, “well, there is no such stupid law in MY country, it wouldn’t happen here”. all while there probably was such stupid law in your country like 10-15 years ago, and you just conveniently forgot, because you live in a bubble. and besides, if bookstores and libraries and websites will start locking books and other things away based on them being inappropriate for kids, who will be in charge of deciding what’s inappropriate? do you trust the judgment of your government? is its judgment of what’s right and what’s wrong perfect? maybe corporations’ judgement is? or maybe yours? what if the people in charge will decide that something that you deem appropriate actually isn’t and lock it away? at what point protecting the children turns into censorship in your eyes? and at what point the realization will come that there are no safe dosages of censorship that are okay, if it’s to create a safe space, if it’s for the “greater good”. there is no line you can cross, if the line just doesn’t exist.

#lgbt+ #idk how to tag this and idk if i want to tag this #discourse #russia #actually this post is about me buying too many books

[wiener-soldiers]

the imperfect bubble - steve rogers

summary: y/n looks at bucky barnes like he’s the sun and the stars; bucky looks at y/n y/l/n like nothing more than his best friend. steve looks at peggy carter like she’s a divine angel; peggy looks at steve rogers like he’s nothing more than the remnants of a college romance. y/n looks at steve rogers like he’s a mirror; steve looks at y/n y/l/n like she’s the only person left that he can confide in.

words: 10.2k (you read that right)

warning: angst, unrequited love, the slowest slow burn you can possibly fathom, okay maybe not a slow burn but more like an oh shit that happened, minimal editing

a/n: im?? back?? i really enjoyed writing this one tho

masterlist | add yourself to the taglist! | faq

Leave your grievances at the door.

It was no longer an unspoken rule; when Steve and Bucky stepped into Y/N’s shared apartment with her college—and by association, their—friend’s Natasha and Wanda for movie night, they found the saying printed on the doormat inside their apartment.

It was a tradition that Steve, Bucky, and Y/N started their freshmen year of college. Steve and Bucky were best friends since childhood and have been through thick and thin together. So it was no surprise that despite the two attending different colleges, they still made it a habit to spend every waking moment together.

The two left their beloved Brooklyn to attend schools in Manhattan—Steve at Columbia pursuing his history degree and Bucky at NYU pursuing his engineering one. It was Steve’s turn to make the trip downtown and hang out with Bucky, but to his surprise, upon arriving at his dorm, he met eyes with a slightly wine-drunk girl hanging upside down Bucky’s bed while he tried to throw popcorn in his mouth.

It was quite the first impression, but Steve learned her name was Y/N, she went to NYU for journalism, and that she’d be sticking around a lot.

That night, instead of going out, Steve joined them in Bucky’s dorm, watching shitty Netflix reality shows, getting drunk on cheap wine, and their weekly tradition lived on ever since.

The doormat saying was one Y/N jokingly said to Bucky in their sophomore year of college. Y/N had moved into a new apartment in the East Village with Natasha and Wanda, two girls she bonded with over mutual hate for a certain TA. Despite Steve and Bucky’s place being decently big after deciding to move into a place together, the girl’s place was decidedly better decorated and more suited for movie nights.

Bucky had come in complaining about how a girl in his class flirted with him just to steal his notes and eventually best him during their midterms. Granted, it was a thrilling tale, but Y/N has jokingly told him to, “Leave you grievances at the door, Buck. This is movie night; we are going to chill and get drunk.”

The unspoken movie night rule stuck ever since.

So, when Steve and Bucky (now juniors) kicked their shoes off upon entering the girl’s apartment, the let out an audible laugh, alerting them that the muscle of the group was here.

“You like it?” Y/N calls out from the kitchen, followed by several ‘pops.’ The smell of buttery popcorn wafted through the air as the two followed the scent into the living room. Natasha was already occupying her seat on the couch. Wanda sat on the floor, in between her legs so to let Natasha braid her hair, as she scrolled through her Netflix queue for movies to watch.

“Looks great, doll,” Bucky smiled at her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Steve notices a red blush crawl up her neck and smirks, sending the girl a wink. Y/N’s blush extends even further.

“Where’d you get it?” Bucky asks, sauntering into the living room and hopping over the back of the couch to land beside Nat.

Wanda giggles, “I custom ordered it on Etsy. I thought it would be funny.”

“You’re not wrong,” Natasha replies before the three of them fall into easy conversation about their weeks.

Steve stays behind the kitchen, observing Y/N as she observes Bucky. He smiles amusedly at her before saying, “I take it he still doesn’t know.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, “He didn’t know last week. He didn’t know last year. He didn’t know since we were seventeen. You think I’m gonna tell him now?”

Steve shrugs, routinely helping Y/N gather the snacks and drinks for their movie night, “I think you’d be cute together, s’all.”

“Yeah? Tell that to the man himself,” Y/N says sarcastically.

“You could always tell him,” he counters, “Guys find it hot when girls make the first move.”

“Whatever you say, pal.”

---

As it turns out, Steve was right. And as much as Y/N hates to admit it, Steve was right about most things.

A few months after some mutual pining, Peggy Carter, the hot British international student that’s studying political science at Columbia grew more balls than Bucky and Steve ever could and asked the latter out on a date.

Y/N liked Peggy. She had gorgeous brown hair that was somehow always perfectly curled, warm eyes, but always wore seductively red lipstick. She looked like a drug, and if she wasn’t dating Steve, Y/N was convinced that she would ask the woman out herself.

Steve had stumbled into the girl’s apartment after their first date. Peggy had taken him dancing in a place in the East Village that played swing music and turned a blind eye when college students with sketchy looking fake IDs ordered cocktails. It’s not like they could do much harm anyway, most college kids who went there hopeless romantics who want nothing more than to dance with their dates with a little liquid courage.

As opposed to hopping on the subway slightly tipsy and potentially falling asleep before he reached in Midtown, Steve stumbled into his friend’s apartment, tipsy and high on the drug that took form in Peggy Carter.

“Hiya,” Steve said with a dopey, crooked smile. Y/N, Wanda, and Nat looked between themselves and Steve with widened eyes.

There were red lipstick stains all over his face.

Natasha smirks at him, “Looks like you had a good time with the missus.”

Steve points at Y/N, his eyes slightly lidded from drowsiness, “I told you it was hot when girls make the first move.”

Y/N lets out a snort. “It’s hot when Peggy Carter does anything, Stevie.”

His enormous grin widens. “Well, you got that fucking right.”

The three girls collective gag at the picture of Steve defiling the girl as Steve rolls his eyes at them, plopping down on the grey IKEA couch the girls were occupying. The couch was a moving in present from him and Bucky and despite how cheap it looked, they refused to allow the girls to get rid of it. If they were being honest, the girls didn’t have the heart to do so anyway.

“Do you mind if I crash here tonight?” Steve mumbles into Y/N’s lap.

“I’m staying at my brother’s tonight anyway,” Wanda says as she reaches over and runs a hand amusedly through Steve’s hair, “You can take my bed if you want, Steve.”

“No, s’okay. I’m comfy here,” he says, voice muffled by Y/N’s thighs.

“You’re a big fucking baby, you know that?” Y/N jokingly says, slapping Steve’s back. He screeches an ‘ow’ but doesn’t move an inch.

Nat smiles at them. Before she met Y/N and Steve, she would’ve been convinced they were dating. But, her heart is just as full knowing the incredibly wholesome and healthy friendship the two share. She reaches down to stroke Steve’s head before saying, “Y/N, I’m gonna go ahead and use the bathroom first—you seem occupied. Goodnight Steve.”

“Nighty night, Nat,” he murmurs. With Wanda, then Natasha stroking his head, sleep comes a lot faster than he intends.

“Steve?” Y/N asks him. It was her turn to slowly stroke his head.

“Mmhmm?”

“Did you let Bucky know you were staying over?” she asks, Mom-mode activating.

She feels her thighs rumble with Steve’s laughter. “He’ll live,” he tells her.

“He’s your best friend, hon. You gotta keep him updating on this kinda stuff.”

“But you’re my best friend too,” he sighs sleepily and Y/N’s heart swells with pride.

The corner of her mouth quirks into a smile, “Really?”

“Yeah, ‘course you duffus. ‘Sides, he probably thinks ‘m getting laid or somethin’.”

“You’re gross.”

“Eh, you love me.”

She did indeed. She let him fall asleep like that with a slight smile on his face, thinking about how well his date went. Y/N slowly slide out from underneath Steve, placing a blanket on top of him. She placed a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol on the coffee table for him when he woke, along with a sticky note saying:

Gonna be up early tomorrow, lover boy. Take whatever leftovers you want from the fridge. Also, invite Peggy to movie night :)

---

Per Y/N’s request, Steve did ask Peggy to come to movie night with him. To which, she excitedly agreed.

And against Steve’s assumptions, Y/N seemed more excited to have her over than he was.

Steve and Peggy entered the apartment hand in hand, with Steve carrying a takeout bag and Peggy nursing a bottle of white wine. Bucky trailed in behind them, carrying a pack of beers.

“They have a cute place,” Peggy comments, slipping her shoes off and following Steve into the living room.

“Don’t tell it to their face, though. One compliment and they’ll fall in love with you and you’ll never be allowed out of their sight again,” Bucky jokes from behind them, wandering into the kitchen to set the beer down.

Despite their five-person gathering being a six-person one that night, Peggy fit right in. Over cheesy horror movies, glasses of wine and swigs of beer, and copious amounts of takeout, the bombshell of a Brit felt very at home with Steve’s friends. To her surprise, none of them were jealous of her—Steve was incredibly attractive and the perfect guy, so she was sure it was impossible for him to have female friends without them throwing themselves at him.

She was wrong.

She really got a full understanding of their friendship—especially Steve’s friendship with Y/N—when she wandered down the hall to find more blankets. She heard two voices quietly discussing in someone’s room. She would’ve walked away because she didn’t want to eavesdrop until she heard her name.

“Peggy seems to be really enjoying herself.” She recognizes the voice to be Y/N’s.

“God, I hope so. Thanks again for inviting her.” Steve’s voice this time.

“You were the one who invited her, jackass,” she hears Y/N say sarcastically.

She hears Steve groan, “Don’t even start with that. What I meant was…thanks for giving her a chance.”

Softer this time, she hears Y/N say, “Steve, you’re my best friend. I didn’t like your other girlfriends because they seemed like shitty people. Peggy is…Peggy is good for you. Like, really good.”

“Okay now…” he laughs.

“No, I’m serious. If you didn’t ask her out, I was really fucking close to taking her for myself,” she finished before she hears a yelp followed by a soft thud and mattress springs squeaking. She can’t help herself and takes a peek inside the room to find Steve tickling Y/N on the bed. Peggy smiles to herself at the closeness of the friendship.

She’s about to walk away when she suddenly feels the feeling in the room shift.

“Steve, I think I’m gonna ask out Bucky.”

She hears an excited gasp, “Fucking finally! I’ve been saying you guys would be great together for years!”

She hears Y/N shush him, “He’s in the other room Steve, shut up!”

Peggy hears Steve laugh, “Sorry, sorry. Why now, though?”

“Dunno. I guess I just like seeing you happy with Peggy. And I don’t know, it makes me think that I deserve that happiness too,” Y/N says softly and Peggy’s heart melts.

“I’m proud of you, Y/N,” she hears Steve say. Despite not knowing Y/N that long, she’s proud of her too.

“Thanks, Steve.”

---

Y/N doesn’t get a chance to ask Bucky out.

As Y/N, Nat, and Wanda were preparing brownies for movie night when they got a text on their group chat:

Bucky: Can’t make it to movie night

Nat: got a hot date or smth?

Bucky: ;)

“Y/N…” Natasha calls out.

“Mhmm?” the girl calls out. “Gimme a second, I gotta take the brownies before they burn.”

Natasha sighs and walks into the kitchen to find Y/N gingerly setting the pan of brownies onto the counter. Wordlessly, Nat shows Y/N her phone with the group chat open.

The smile immediately falls from Y/N’s face.

“Y/N…” the red-head starts before getting vehemently cut off.

“I should be happy for him, right? My best friend just scored a date—”

“Y/N—”

“I was happy when Steve started going out with Peggy, why can’t I be happy Bucky found someone too—”

“Y/N!” Natasha says, more firmly this time.

“Why did you show me this, Nat?” she hisses, whipping her head and staring accusingly at her.

Natasha narrows her eyes at her, “You fucking know why. This was on the group chat, but I wanted to be there if you needed me when you saw it.”

Y/N’s eyes soften, “Nat, I’m sorry—”

Natasha cuts her off and immediately envelops her in a hug. “Don’t be,” she whispers, patting her head comfortingly, “You’re too good for Bucky, anyways.”

Y/N scoffs into her shoulder, “That’s my best friend, asshole. And Steve always said we’d be good together.”

“Steve has no fucking clue what he’s talking about.”

Y/N laughs a little harder, forcing the tears she was trying to keep in slowly stream down her face. Natasha immediately notices, and wipes them away with her thumbs, “Don’t cry, sweetheart. And don’t think about Bucky. ‘Sides, it’s movie night and—”

“—I need to leave my grievances at the door, yeah I know,” she finishes with a sad smile on her face. Y/N shakes her head, “That saying is kicking me in the ass, isn’t it?”

Ten minutes later, Wanda emerges from the bathroom, screeching in frustration from Bucky’s texts in the group chat. Y/N tries her best to tell Wanda that she’s over it, but Wanda is strangely good at reading people (it doesn’t help that she’s also a psychology major). The girls usually love Wanda’s weird sixth sense, but Y/N couldn’t help but find it quite inconvenient at this very moment.

Half an hour after that, Steve arrives at the girls’ apartment, this time without Peggy. The first thing he does is wrap Y/N in a bear hug, despite her protests at everyone making a big deal out of it. Steve doesn’t care, only hugs her tighter.

The four of them huddle around the TV, watching whatever movie was next on their queue and catching up on life. They tried really hard to ignore the awkward tension and the lack of the Bucky-ness the group had. It was movie night, after all. The perfect bubble that was their movie night felt a little different than it normally had.

---

Bucky misses movie nights for the next few weeks.

With the end of junior year approaching, the group of friends rarely had time to socialize outside their study groups except for their weekly tradition. With Bucky gone doing whatever Bucky was doing, Y/N didn’t see him for weeks on end. The only interaction they had was the occasional meme being sent to the group chat or like on Instagram.

She missed him. But deep down inside of her, she wasn’t that all surprised.

What did surprise her was Bucky’s sudden appearance at their last movie night before the end of junior year.

They were halfway through their first movie—Wanda was teaching Peggy how to braid a flower crown, Steve had agreed to let Natasha paint his nails a red and blue ombre while he played a game of Connect Four with Y/N, all while a random movie played on the screen—when they heard the front door unlock.

“Sorry I’m late!” called a voice. It was distinctly Bucky’s, but the female giggle that followed was not.

Bucky and an unnamed blonde materialize in the living room and everyone looks at the pair in shock. Y/N could feel a few of her friend’s stares be redirected to her, but she can’t seem to overt her eyes from the blonde.

Her hair seemed like it was literally golden as it flows down her light-green sundress. She was wrapped around Bucky’s arm—the arm with his tattoo sleeve on it, the arm that she loved tracing the patterns of the tattoo with during movie night.

Peggy breaks the ice first, “Hi, Bucky.”

“Oh, you have an accent!” the blonde squeals and Y/N can feel her eyes roll. Wanda scoffs beside her.

“Bucky, can I talk to you for a sec?” Y/N asks, more like demands, as she stands up abruptly and walks briskly past Bucky towards the hall, away from the view of the living room.

Once they were out of earshot from their friends, she hisses, “What are you doing here?”

Bucky laughs almost mockingly, “What do you mean, ‘what am I doing here?, It’s movie night, isn’t it?”

Y/N sighs tiredly, “Bucky, we haven’t seen you for weeks. Then, you show up with some blonde girl that we’ve never met?”

“I’ve been busy. What, am I not allowed to be busy anymore? The world doesn’t revolve around movie night,” Bucky snarls at her.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, that’s not what I meant and you fucking know it,” she growls back. “You’ve been radio silent for weeks—you pretty much ghosted all of us. Hell, if it wasn’t for Steve living with you, we would’ve thought you were fucking dead! But we gave you space because we aren’t helicopter-friends. But then, you show up after ignoring us for weeks with some chick I’ve never seen before at my fucking house on fucking movie night?! Can you see why I’m a little pissed off right now?”

“The British chick is here! Why the hell can she be here but not Dolores?” Bucky bites back, his voice rising.

“Because Peggy was invited to my house and Dolores fucking wasn’t!” Y/N says aggressively, her voice nearing a shout.

“This isn’t your tradition, Y/N. You want to control everything about this friend group and trust me, sweetheart, we’re all getting sick of it.”

“Oh, you can’t fucking do that.”

“Do what?”

“Talk like you’re still a fucking part of this friend group.”

“What, you’re gonna kick me out of your clique because I’ve been busy? Because I have a life?”

“No, because you’ve been a shitty fucking friend!” Y/N shouts, chest heaving, and face red.

Bucky’s eyes widen in shock. Sure, they’ve had points in their friendship where they haven’t communicated in a few days, but never this long. And Y/N had most certainly never been this angry with him before.

That seemed to knock some sense back into him. “Y/N—”

“Get the fuck out, Bucky.”

“Wha—”

“I said get out,” she says, eerily quiet.

So, he did. Bucky stormed out of the hallway and grabbed Dolores before marching out of the apartment. When Y/N sat back down with the rest of their friends, she could feel their stares burning into her face, but all she did was reach for the remote and continue playing the movie.

---

After Y/N’s argument with Bucky, he stops showing up game nights. They even make a new group chat without Bucky in it (because apparently, kicking him out of the apartment was fine but kicking him out of the group chat was too mean). Despite not really knowing what exactly was said, everyone understood what happened that night. To be frank, they were all waiting for someone to snap. A confrontation with him was long overdue.

The friend group is different without Bucky’s presence. Not better, not worse, just different.

It was clear that there would be awkward tension among the friends immediately after the argument. Wanda and Nat immediately sided with Y/N and clearly wanted nothing to do with Bucky. Steve was a trickier subject. Wanda, Nat, and Y/N all understood that they couldn’t force Steve not to be friends with him, so they all accepted him as their neutral party.

After a few months, their different was starting to feel normal.

But Y/N still missed Bucky. Despite her years of pining, Bucky was still her best friend. He was still the guy who walked her to her morning lectures after his run and got her wine drunk after a guy rejected her. Y/N missed that version of Bucky—she just wasn’t sure if he existed anymore.

Based on periodic updates that Steve gives her, Bucky is still with Dolores. “He’s happy,” Steve tells her. “Different, but happy.”

After a few months of living without Bucky in her life, she starts to blame herself. Had she been overreacting? Most probably. Did she really need to kick him out of her apartment? No.

“Was what you did justified though? Definitely,” Steve would always remind her. Some days she believes him, some days she doesn’t.

Still, her life begins to reach some semblance of normal. Movie nights are still once a week, but they’ve changed from a place where they have pseudo-therapy sessions lead by Wanda while a cheesy movie plays in the background.

It was about halfway into their senior year when Steve drops something on them during one of their movie night conversations.

“I might move to London,” Steve says out of the blue.

“What?” Y/N turns to him in shock.

Steve stares blankly at his lap, fidgeting with the nearly empty glass of red wine. “Peggy wants to move back to London after we graduate,” he says softly. “She wants me to go with her.”

It was Wanda’s turn to ask, “Well, why doesn’t she stay here with you?”

“Her family’s in London.”

“And your family is here, Steve,” Y/N replies softly, “We’re here.”

Steve sighs and runs a hand over his face before releasing a frustrated cry, “I don’t know what to do, guys.”

Natasha looks at him sympathetically before grasping his hand tightly, “Have you talked to Bucky about this?”

“Not yet…he’s got a lot on his plate right now,” Steve starts, warily looking at the girls sitting around him.

“What do you mean?” Natasha presses.

“Bucky proposed to Dolores a few days ago…” Steve sighs.

“Well…” Y/N starts, trying to find the right words, “Congrats to them.”

“Yeah,” Steve replies lamely before downing the remainder of his red wine. “I love Peggy, I really do,” Steve starts, “but I don’t know if London is right for me.”

Y/N raises an eyebrow at him, “What do you mean?”

Steve sighs again, “I don’t know how to explain it but…lately it feels like our relationship isn’t real anymore⁠—like she’s using me as a prop. It feels like she’s dragging me along because she feels like she has to. I really do love her but going to London with her just doesn’t feel right.”

“And what does feel right, Steve?” Wanda asks him gently.

Steve answer in a heartbeat, “New York. With you guys.”

Y/N offers him her kindest eyes. She murmurs softly, “Steve, I think you have your answer then.”

---

Steve stayed in New York.

He was a little heartbroken by Peggy’s reaction though; she simply acknowledged him and went straight back to packing, not even bothering to fight for their relationship. Maybe there wasn’t a whole lot to fight for after all.

Bucky also married Dolores.

After their graduation, Bucky and Dolores eloped. They didn’t want the pressure of an actual wedding, so they got on a flight to Vegas and got hitched in their graduation gowns. The reassured everyone (especially their parents) that they would have a real wedding for everyone else afterwards.

Y/N, Wanda, and Natasha finally got their own places. Wanda was moving in with her brother, Pietro, into an apartment in Morningside Heights. They were both starting their master’s at Columbia (Wanda in psychology and Pietro in exercise physiology), so they wanted to live closer together. Natasha was finally moving in with her boyfriend, Bruce. They were a very private couple, so they weren’t at all surprised when they told them that they were moving into their own place in Park Slope, close to Bruce’s research job and Nat’s marketing firm.

Y/N was really close to downsizing to a studio when Steve rolled his eyes and told her, “Don’t be an idiot, I’ll move in with you. That place is too nice to give up. Besides, Bucky and Dolores are looking for a place to move into.”

So, what was once Y/N, Wanda, and Nat’s apartment was now Y/N and Steve’s.

Not much changed about the apartment: Y/N kept her old room and Steve moved into Wanda’s. Natasha’s room had the most natural light, so they turned it into an office. Steve, Y/N learned, was the ideal roommate—his stuff was never messy, he helped run errands, and he was a delight to be around.

If it was possible for the two best friends to get any closer, they did.

Y/N fell into an easy routine with Steve, almost like it was second nature. After both taking the summer off, Steve started his law degree at Columbia and Y/N started her job as a Staff Writer at the New York Times. 

They woke up at around seven and Steve got started on breakfast while Y/N used the bathroom first. As soon as she got out, breakfast would be waiting for her, so she got started on making coffee for her and Steve. Steve didn’t usually take long in the bathroom, so they ate breakfast together, enjoying each other’s company before their day started. After they both got dressed, they both walked to the subway and rode the L train before they had to split ways: Steve Uptown to Columbia and Y/N to the New York Times building. Steve usually got out of classes first, so he usually ran some errands for the place or studied in a café in the Village somewhere so to let Y/N get home before he did. She loved making dinner, so Steve usually came home to her blasting music and cooking.

The funniest part about their arrangement is that it was barely an arrangement: they didn’t really agree on splitting up their day this way. It just sort of…happened. It was natural but it felt right to the both of them and that’s all they could ever ask for.

The arbitrary lines of being roommates slowly began disappearing as well. 

Four months into living together, Y/N and Steve started sharing a bed.

It wasn’t romantic, but more like a necessity. Steve had walked by Y/N’s room when he heard slight whimpering. He immediately swung open the door and found her lying on her bed, clutching her stomach in pain with tears streaming down her face.

Steve immediately lost his composure, “Y/N? Are you okay?!”

“It fucking hurts Steve,” she mumbles, “Why does bleeding out of your vagina fucking hurt so much?”

Steve’s eyes immediately soften and he lets out a low hum, “Y/N, I thought you were dying.”

“I am dying. This heat pad isn’t doing shit!”

Steve laughs and makes his way to the bed, lifting the covers and sliding beside her. Y/N immediately shifts so that Steve can be more comfortable. He wraps his arms around her, making sure to put his palm flat on her stomach. In the mess of tangled limbs, they fall asleep like that and take the most relaxing nap of their lives.

Steve shares a bed Y/N that night. And the night after that. And the night after that.

Soon, Steve barely slept in his old room anymore. It got to a point where it didn’t even make sense for him to have his own room: Y/N’s room was bigger, closer to the bathroom, had a comfier bed, and Y/N was in it.

The two spend a weekend clearing out Steve’s new room and moving all his stuff into Y/N’s. They turn they put the grey IKEA pullout couch inside along with an array of painting supplies and camera equipment, effectively turning it into a home studio. They like the apartment better this way.

A few months later, the two get a dog together. The mini Australian Shepard has a gorgeous coat, different coloured eyes, and a scar that stretches across his face, a reminder as to why they rescued him in the first place. The renamed him Mando (because his face reminded them of the Mandalorian helmet) and he was like their child. He was full of energy, so Steve loved brining him along for runs in the park. But he was also quiet, reserved, and sensitive so Y/N adored cuddling with him on the couch.

It was their own little family. Steve, Y/N, and Mando.

Movie nights were still a weekly occurrence, but it wasn’t always at their place anymore. Almost six months after Steve moved in with Y/N, they hosted movie night at their place again.

It wasn’t as if Wanda and Natasha hadn’t seen Y/N and Steve since then, but it was the first time they really felt the changes in their old place.

“You redecorated,” Nat commented with a smile. She noticed there were more pictures up: some of their entire friend group, some of just Y/N and Steve. There was also a hanging shelf above the TV (something that Y/N had always talked about installing but never did) that housed some pottery and other knick-knacks Y/N and Steve have collected over the years.

Wanda notices the dog crate and bed in the corner of the living room, along with a basket of toys for the dog. She asks, “Where’s Mando?”

“Steve took him when he went to get the takeout. He likes to cuddle if that’s what you’re asking, Wanda,” Y/N answers amusedly.

“Whathcu do with our old rooms?” Nat hums as she takes a seat on their new couch. She wondered where the grey IKEA one went; it was unlikely that Y/N had the heart to throw it away.

Y/N sits down beside her holding three wine glasses and a bottle of red wine. She pops the cork and pours them all a drink before saying, “We turned your old room into an office and Wanda’s into an art studio slash guest bedroom. That’s where the grey pullout went.” Y/N finished her sentence absentmindedly, almost like she didn’t realize the implication she made.

Wanda and Nat smirk at each other.

Nat takes a sip of her wine before nonchalantly saying, “You know, I always knew you and Steve would end up together.”

Y/N chokes on her wine, “I’m sorry…what?”

Wanda chuckles at her, “You live together, you share a bed, you got a dog.”

Y/N hums nervously, “We’re not dating.”

“Seems like you’re already married if you ask me,” Wanda counters with a smirk.

Before Y/N could get any more embarrassed, the front door opened and Mando came bolting inside, followed by Steve who laughed as the dog jumped on the couch and licked its occupants.

“Oh, Mando you’re so cute,” Wanda gushed before she immediately became occupied and played with Mando.

Natasha looked on with a knowing smirk as Y/N watched Steve approach, both wearing matching smiles, and Steve presses a kiss on her forehead.

“I got Lo Mein if that’s okay. I tried to make it to the pizza place, but I guess Mando likes the smell of Chinese,” Steve says quietly to her before setting the takeout on the coffee table beside the glasses of wine.

She smiles at him, “That’s okay, thanks for grabbing it anyways.”

“I figured you wanted time with the girls to catch up,” Steve shrugs before hopping over the back of the couch to sit next to you.

As the movie started and everyone started eating their serving of food and wine, Y/N assumed the natural position of leaning against Steve’s chest with his arm thrown around the back of the couch. The smell of his cologne is so synonymous with safety to Y/N, so she naturally leans closer to him.

Halfway through the first movie, Y/N catches Nat staring at her and Steve with a smirk. Nat sends a wink her way which sends Y/N’s face in a red flush.

She averts her eyes and looks back at the movie. We are not dating, Y/N thinks to herself, this is just natural.

---

It was about a year after Y/N and Steve started living together when they both got invitations to Bucky and Dolores' wedding.

Their group chat was blowing up with questions like ‘should we even go to the wedding?’ and ‘won’t it be awkward for everyone involved?’

Steve already knew that he was going. Despite everything, Bucky was still like his brother. They still saw each other almost weekly and although he wasn’t Dolores’ biggest fan just through negative association, he was happy that Bucky was immensely happy.

Y/N, on the other hand, needed more convincing.

“Jesus, I wish he never invited me to his goddamn wedding,” Y/N complained, her head buried in Steve’s shoulder as they sat on the couch, “Is this his version of a punishment? The anxiety of choosing whether or not I should come to his wedding?”

Steve rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, “Y/N, he did use to be your best friend.”

“Before I told him to get out of my life and that I never wanted to see him again,” she states bluntly. “God, I was so fucking stupid.”

“Hey,” Steve says firmly, “The both of you were acting pretty stupid, we’ve established that. But you’ve grown up. Bucky did invite you, which means he wants you to come.”

Y/N stays silent as Steve continues, “I know you miss him, Y/N. And clearly, he misses you too. Maybe this is your first step at mending your friendship.”

“If there’s anything left of it,” Y/N says pathetically.

“You won’t know if you don’t go to the wedding.”

So, she ends up going to the wedding.

The actual ceremony went by in a blur. Dolores was wearing a beautiful gown with gorgeous floral lace and Bucky in a wonderfully fitted velvet suit. Y/N thought the first time she would see Bucky in years would be filled with melancholy, but Y/N just felt better that Steve (from beside the groom) was sending her reassuring smiles the entire ceremony.

The couple was technically already married, so they didn’t have a licensed officiant. Instead, they had an array of friends, including Steve, the best man, say different parts of the pre-made script. It was fun, lighthearted, and had Bucky written all over it—something that Y/N missed about him the most.

At the reception, she took advantage of the open bar. She spent her time socializing with Natasha, Wanda, and Sam, a mutual friend who became an Air Force officer straight out of college. The night was still young, so Steve spent most of his time with the wedding party, occasionally sending Y/N texts like:

Steve: Miss you!

Steve: How many drinks have you had so far?

Steve: You made sure to lock Mando’s crate, right?

Steve: Did I tell you that you looked rlly pretty tonight?

Steve: I can’t wait until everyone gets drunk so I can hang out w you :)

“Texting at my wedding? I thought you loved parties, Y/N,” a recognizable voice says amusedly.

Y/N’s head snaps up and she’s met with a face that she hasn’t seen in years.

“Bucky—”

Bucky cuts her off, “Before you say anything, I’m sorry. You were right, I was being a really shitty friend and I didn’t have the right to ignore you, yell at you, or just bring random people into your home like I owned the place. I just…really missed you. You’re my best friend and my life hasn’t really been the same without you.”

Y/N is rendered speechless. Her mind blanks as she stares into Bucky’s watery eyes, begging for forgiveness. She says nothing and instead wraps her arms around Bucky, pulling him close. The man immediately wraps his arms around her like they’ve never left.

After the wedding, Bucky starts to show up to movie night again.

It takes a whole lot of coaxing to let Natasha and Wanda allow Bucky back into their lives, but eventually, they come around. It wasn’t like college though, but it was nice, nonetheless. One night, Bucky revealed that movie nights are when he feels the most like himself again. The rest of them smile wordlessly at him, but confusion does seep into the back of their minds.

A year since the wedding, the group finally fully accepts Bucky back into their lives as if he never left. He catches up with Natasha during impromptu lunches, takes Wanda to dinner if she’s ever in Midtown, watches the Yankees play with Steve to take his mind off of law school, and drops lunch off to Y/N at the New York Times building if he’s in the area.

Bucky truly misses his friends, but somewhere deep in his heart, he misses Y/N a little bit more.

The rest of them also notice how little Bucky talks about Dolores when they’re together.

They found it strange at first; normally, husbands loved talking about their wives. But Bucky never brought her to their outings, to movie night (despite everyone insisting that they’d be happy to have her over), and rarely brought her up in conversation unless asked.

Y/N found it especially strange. In a mature attempt to move on from her college crush on Bucky, she tried to make amends with Dolores. Turns out, the blonde was an adorable girl from Brooklyn that absolutely adores Bucky. She’s sensitive but hilarious and Y/N loves spending time with her.

She also noticed how much Dolores talked about Bucky. It was clear how much she adored him, so it was almost unfathomable to her how Bucky didn’t talk about the wonderful woman nearly as much as she talked about him.

“Don’t you find it a little weird?” Y/N asked him as he was brushing his teeth. Steve was concentrated on her face despite toothpaste foaming around his mouth. Y/N sat on the bathroom counter, feet swinging as she absentmindedly played with an elastic.

Steve spit in the sink before speaking, “I mean, you know Buck. He’s a pretty private guy.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t shut up about crazy stories he’s had with you and Bucky loves you. I just find it a little funky that he doesn’t act the same with Dolores,” Y/N explained.

Steve sighs and gargles the rest of the toothpaste out of his mouth. “I guess I never thought about it that way… They have only been married for a little over two years though. Maybe they’re still figuring out the ropes of their marriage?”

Y/N shrugs with a sigh, hopping off the counter and stripping off her shirt and pants. Steve tries his hardest not to stare but he can’t help but stare at the curve of her body as she reaches to slip on one of his hoodies she likes to wear for bed.

Steve isn’t really sure where his relationship with Y/N stands, to be honest. It’s funny to him—they act like an actual married couple, minus the romance. Acting domesticated with her just feels so natural to Steve, but he’s scared putting a label on anything will change the dynamic, so he stays silent and cherishes the domestic moments he has with her.

“You’re right, I’m probably overthinking it,” Y/N mumbles before slipping past him, “I’m headed off to bed. Don’t take too long.”

Y/N doesn’t notice Steve’s hard blush as he scrambles to put on some pyjamas to join her in bed.

---

“I’m nervous.”

“Jesus, Steve. You’ll be fine! You’re the top of your class at fucking Columbia, so there’s no way you failed the bar,” Y/N cheers on excitedly from behind him. She rubs his shoulders as he stares at his inbox, too afraid to click on the email titled ‘New York State Bar Exam Results.’

Steve’s foot taps incessantly, “I’m still too scared to look.”

Y/N reaches over his shoulder and kisses his cheek. “Fine,” she says, “I’ll look for you.” She clicks on the email and scrolls down, searching for Steve’s exam number.

After a few seconds, Y/N hesitantly asks, “Steve?”

“Mhmm?” he replies, his head in his hands.

“What’s your exam number again?”

“S-24601,” he replies quickly.

Y/N squeals and hugs him from the back, pressing kisses all over his neck. “You fucking passed, Steve!” she squeals.

“I did?!”

“Of course you did, dummy!”

Steve laughs in excitement and disbelief, grabbing Y/N by the waist and spinning her off the ground. Mando barks excitedly, jumping up happily against Steve’s thighs.

“You did it!” Y/N smiles down at him, her cheeks hurting from all her laughing.

The two celebrate by hosting movie night at their place with extra food, desserts, and ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Wanda brings Vis, the high school chemistry teacher she’s been seeing, Nat brings Bruce, and Bucky finally comes around and brings Dolores along for the celebration. Even Sam, who happened to be off duty, was able to come to the celebration.

Despite it technically being movie night, most of the night was spent trading funny stories about Steve, emptying bottles and bottles of wine and beer, and finally letting loose for the first time in a long time.

Around ten in the evening, the board games came out and the group of twenty-somethings started playing games with a drinking twist. Y/N had been attached to Steve by the hip all night (largely because he always seemed to have his arms around her), but she couldn’t complain. The several glasses of wine she had did make it easier for her to ignore Wanda and Natasha’s smirks.

It also made it easier for her to be ignorant of how awkward Dolores felt at the gathering. Y/N sincerely like the girl, but she was unaware of her discomfort until around one in the morning. Most people had left, and it was just Steve, Y/N, and Bucky cleaning up.

“Y/N, I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Steve calls out to Y/N as she washes the dishes with Bucky picking up trash in the living room. “Goodnight Bucky!” Steve calls out before disappearing.

“Goodnight, Steve,” Bucky shouts back before walking into the kitchen. He leans against the counter and watches Y/N as she does the dishes. Y/N notices his presence, then notices the lack of someone else’s presence.

“Hey Buck, where’d Dolores run off to?” Y/N hums, drying the last of the dishes.

Bucky shrugs, “Took an Uber and went home early.”

Y/N turns around to face him, “Shit, Buck. You didn’t have to stay—”

“Nah, I wanted to. She’s probably fine,” he answers nonchalantly.

“Probably?”

Bucky doesn’t respond.

Y/N takes a deep breath and fiddles with the dishtowel in her hands before saying, “Bucky, why is this the first time in three years of marriage that Dolores has come to a friend get together?”

Bucky’s jaw unhinges a little, “What do you mean?”

Y/N sighs and sets the dish towel down. She takes a deep breath before saying, “We’ve asked you to invite her to come over for years, but you always make excuses for her. You don’t nearly talk about her as much as she does about you, and I know that for a fact because I’ve hung out with Dolores on multiple occasions. Bucky…is everything alright between you and Dolores?”

Bucky stares intently at her for a few seconds before his resolve crumbles. His eyes lose its intensity and are replaced with tiredness as he drags his hand across his face. “Dot and I…” Bucky starts, “are going through a bit of a…rough patch.”

“Bucky—”

“I made a mistake marrying her,” he says bluntly.

“What?” Y/N says in shock. Every time she’s spent time with Dolores, she had been nothing but lovely. She’s perfect for Bucky—she doesn’t understand where he’s coming from.

“I love Dolores but I…”

“But…?”

Bucky doesn’t say anything. Instead, he crosses the kitchen floor in two long strides and grabs Y/N by the face, kissing her fiercely.

Y/N freezes and her eyes widen in shock. What the fuck was happening? was the only thing her brain could possibly register at the point.

Bucky pulls away but the grip on her face doesn’t fade, “But I’m in love with you, Y/N. And I know for a fact that you love me too.”

He leans in for another kiss, but Y/N pushes him away. “Bucky stop!” she says, harsher than she intends, but she doesn’t regret it.

Bucky stares at her, dumbfounded, but she continues, “That was a long, long time ago. And Jesus, Bucky you’re married!”

He shakes his head, “I don’t need to be forever—”

“—And you’re drunk!” she explains in exasperation.

“But I know some part of you still loves me. And God, I love you too. All those years without you and it finally got through to my thick skull,” Bucky argues.

“But what about Dolores?” she whispers.

“Fuck Dolores,” he says. Bucky reaches for her again, but Y/N steps away.

“Bucky, I can’t,” Y/N cries. “Maybe there’s some part of me that loves you, that may always love you. But there’s a bigger part of me that loves what I have right now. Bucky, I’ve never felt so safe before. So happy, so cared for, so loved. I know it’s selfish, but I can’t give away the happiness and security that I deserve to explore what my life would be like with you because I love—”

Y/N stops abruptly, her voice catching in her throat.

“Because you love who, Y/N?” Bucky asks. She notices how his eyes have become glassy and how his shoulders had slumped slightly.

Because I love Steve, Y/N thinks. But she doesn’t find the courage to say it. Bucky can see it in her eyes, though.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Bucky doesn’t have to say his name who she’s talking about.

Y/N is silent, her heart thumping so loud her she’s afraid Bucky can hear it.

Her silence is enough for him, “Ah.”

Bucky waits a few more seconds before saying, “When did you know?”

Y/N gulps and lets out a shaky breath. When did she know? She racks her brain but can’t think of a specific time. Part of her thinks that she always knew. She was so natural around Steve. So safe and carefree. Steve was there when that perfect bubble of her friendship with Bucky popped, and he even stayed with her after. He was the one that helped her mend her heart and, in the process, built himself a spot inside without even realizing it. Her imperfect bubble, her lens of the world, may have been broken, but Steve was inside, and Y/N knew that it’s all the really mattered.

I love Steve, she confessed to herself. She felt like she was Cher in Clueless, with the fountain of her emotions erupting inside her. Bucky could clearly see it on her face as he smiled sadly.

“Did I ever have a chance?” he whispers.

“Yeah... A long time ago,” Y/N answers softly, not trusting her voice.

“Will I ever get the chance again?”

Y/N shakes her head softly, “Don’t wait for me, Bucky.”

Bucky smiles sadly at her, a tear escaping his eye. She reaches for him, but Bucky shakes his head, “See you around, Y/N.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

Y/N feels like she’s on autopilot. Adrenaline is still coursing through her system; coupled with alcohol and a whole lot of courage, her feet bring her to the bathroom before even realizing. She doesn’t realize that she’s turning the doorknob or stripping completely. She barely registers her stepping into the steamy shower before and she definitely doesn’t fully register her tapping Steve on the shoulder, reaching up, and kissing him fiercely.

He pulls away first, “Y/N?”

She kisses him in response. This time, he responds but pulls away a few seconds later, “Why are you doing this? Are you drunk?”

“Yeah, it’s not why I’m doing this though,” she says, voice raspy.

“Why then?”

“Because I love you.”

“Oh,” was Steve’s response before kissing her again. The two sloppily make out like teenagers discovering sex for the first time before Steve pulls away again.

“I also love you, you know,” he says lazily against her lips. He feels her smile.

“That’s good,” she replies before kissing him once more.

The night lasts a lot longer than both of them intend. But it wasn’t like they were complaining.

---

Life had a strange way of playing out sometimes.

It seemed as if Y/N and Steve blinked and the rest of their lives fell straight into their laps.

When they meet new people, they always ask them how long they've been together or when they started dating.

“A lifetime ago,” Steve would always say, his eyes lighting up and his face flushing slightly.

After the night that Steve learned he passed the bar, Y/N and Steve’s relationship didn’t change all that much, mostly because they acted like they were married in the first place. They already help hands in public, gave each other kisses on the cheek when their friends were around, and they acted more domesticated than a lot of actual married couples only months after they officially started dating.

In fact, most of their friends didn’t even realize they had started dating until almost six months later, Y/N made an off-hand comment about how Steve was secretly really kinky in bed.

The really didn’t have an engagement either.

After two years of dating, five years of living together, and nine years of knowing each other, Steve just decided to get straight to the point.

“You wanna get married, Y/N?” Steve asked her. He had just come back from his job as a corporate lawyer. He honestly hated it but needed the experience and the money to pay off his student loans. His grand plan after he was no longer drowning in debt was to become an Assistant District Attorney.

Y/N stopped cutting the vegetables and turned toward Steve who was leaning against the fridge, suit jacket slung across one shoulder and top button his dress shirt undone. She raises a brow at him, “Pardon me?”

“You wanna get married?” he repeats nonchalantly.

“Now? I’m making dinner.”

“Whenever you want, doll.”

She sets the knife down and slowly walks towards him. “This isn’t you proposing, is it?” she cackles.

Steve shakes his head and laughs, meeting her halfway. “No, I thought of this while I was riding the subway back home. I don’t even have a ring, honey,” he explains. “If I’m honest, it feels like we’ve been married for the past five years, so I kinda forgot that we aren’t.”

Y/N purses her lips in concentration before saying, “That’s fair.”

Steve stares at her for a few more seconds, “So…?”

“Do you want to get married?” she asks him this time, stepping forward and grasping his hands.

“I mean…yeah,” Steve says with a grin, “Telling people you’re my wife is a lot cooler than telling people you’re my girlfriend. Besides, if I ever commit a crime, you have the right not to testify against me because of marital privilege—”

He’s cut off with howling laughter and Y/N burying her face into his chest as he wraps his arms around her. Steve’s tired, really tired, but coming home to her was what he reminded himself he was working for.

“Should we do the whole proposal thing, too?” Y/N asks him after her laughter dies down.

“I don’t mind proposing if it’s something you want to do,” he tells her, pressing his lips to her head.

“Meh. I don’t really care,” she says cheekily before pressing her lips to his.

After their wedding—just like Y/N and Steve predicted—their lives didn’t change all too much. The only noticeable changes were that they were being addressed as Y/L/N-Rogers in the mail, but their lives were pretty much the same.

Their friends found it fascinating: when they had gotten married, they felt that their relationship dynamic had changed a little. But then again, they supposed Steve and Y/N had been acting like they’ve been married since the ripe age of twenty. It’s almost like they skipped a few steps in their relationship and went from friends to acting like they’ve been married for forty years.

The biggest change in their relationship came three years after their wedding when their twins, Avery and Jameson Y/L/N-Rogers were born into the world.

Steve and Y/N were natural parents and they loved their kids. When the twins were three, they took them on their first road trip to the Adirondacks. They spent the weekend at a lakefront cabin, swimming, canoeing, and hiking. When asked years later, the twins would always explain that this was their first memory. At four, the twins started school, and to say Y/N and Steve were worried would be a huge lie. They knew Avery and Jameson would protect each other no matter what. At age seven, a boy on the playground called Avery an ‘ugly liar’, and Jameson threw sand in his face. Steve gave Jameson a scolding about how it was bad to throw sand at people and instead saying that if he was going to throw something, throw a punch instead.

Y/N had to step in and tell him not to do that unless it was a last resort.

At twelve, Jameson had his first real crush on a girl named Mindy. But, Avery knew that Mindy was mean and the daughter of an entitled Karen, so when Jameson asked Mindy if she wanted to dance with her at the school dance, Avery made sure to scare her straight.

“My daddy is a lawyer and sends criminals to prison and my mommy works for the New York Times. So, if you hurt James, everyone will know how mean you actually are are,” Avery threatened, which made Mindy back out of dancing with Jameson. Despite being mad when he was twelve, he was thankful years later when he saw firsthand what kind of teenager Mindy would become.

Now at sixteen, though the two twins were still thick as thieves, they matured into respectable, and frankly perfect kids.

That year, the Fourth of July (aka Steve’s birthday) fell the same night as movie night and the twins took it upon themselves to plan their dad’s party.

“Avery? James? You doin’ alright?” Y/N called from the upper floor of their brownstone in Park Slope, Brooklyn. When it was obvious that Avery and Jameson were at the age that they couldn’t share a bedroom anymore, Steve convinced Y/N to move back to Brooklyn. It wasn’t the difficult, per se, especially when Steve found a place close to where Natasha and her now-husband Bruce lived.

“Doin’ just fine, Mom!” Avery calls back. She was busy frosting the good-old Stars and Stripes cake while James finished the last-minute decorations.

Just then, Y/N heard a thud before some soft moaning. She gasped, already halfway down the stairs. “Are you okay? Do you need help? Screw your surprise, I’m com—”

“No!” James shouted, quickly sitting up, “I just fell off a stool, Mom. No big deal, you don’t need to come downstairs.”

���Are you su—”

“Yep! This is supposed to be a surprise!” James calls back.

“A surprise for your dad, not for me Jameson.”

Avery cackles from the kitchen and James rolls his eyes at her. “We’re fine, I promise,” he reassures her.

“Okay, just be done before everyone gets here. Bucky’s stalling your dad for as long as possible but I know he’ll want to come home soon.”

When Y/N is finally allowed downstairs, she’s impressed with their work. Red, white, and blue streamers are hung all across the ceiling as well as helium balloons that say ‘Happy Birthday America!’ except America is crossed out with Sharpie and ‘Steve Rogers’ is written in her kids’ handwriting instead. In the living room, several games are put out on the coffee table and a playlist full of patriotic movies is ready to be played on the TV. All her friends (minus Bucky and Steve) are in the living room, having a laugh at all the funny touches on the decorations. Their dining table was filled with food their friends brought for the potluck, and for some reason, James had blasted (and looped) a remix of the Star-Spangled Banner and Happy Birthday.

“Do you like it, Mom?” Y/N hears before turning around and facing her kids. Avery’s hand was grasped in James’ and her heart melts. How did I get so lucky? she asks herself.

She gives them a huge smile before enveloping both of them into a hug. “It’s amazing. Better than anything I could’ve done, that’s for sure.”

“Do you think, Dad’ll like it?” James mumbles into her shoulder.

“HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” a voice suddenly shouts. The three pull apart to find Steve standing at the entrance of the living room with a huge grin on his face. Bucky stands behind him, chuckling at his reaction.

Y/N’s smile widens at the sight of her husband. “There’s your answer, James.”

The party is everything Steve could have really asked for. The food was great, his company was even better, and the thoughtfulness of his kids was enough to bring tears to his eyes.

When the night gets darker, the party of people head to the roof of the building so they can watch the fireworks. As they wait, Avery has everyone engrossed in a story of how James followed her on a date with a boy she really liked, Peter Parker. Steve stood at the edge of the crowd, smiling at how happy his kids and his wife looked. He feels a presence beside him and doesn’t need to look to know who it is.

“You did pretty great, Steve,” Bucky tells him softly.

“With Avery and James?” he asks.

“With life, buddy.”

Steve hums contently as the two of them watch Avery cause a bubble of laughter to erupt from the group. James punches her playfully on the arm, but the smile is still evident on his face.

“How’s Steph?” Steve asks him.

“She’s good. She’s with her mom for the weekend,” Bucky answers quietly.

“And how are you and Dolores?”

Bucky is silent for a few seconds. He clears his throat before saying, “Talking. We’re trying to work it out for Steph’s sake. She doesn’t deserve to have a broken family.”

Steve puts a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Buck. You’re a good father,” he tells his best friend.

Bucky remains silent. After a few minutes of silence, Bucky’s conscious drowns him in guild and he speaks up, “I kissed Y/N when we were younger. It was the night you learned you passed the bar. I told her I thought I made a mistake marrying Dolores, and shit…I don’t even know what I was thinking because I knew she probably loved you. I’m so sorry, Steve. I never told you because you’re my best friend and—”

“Bucky,” Steve cuts him off with a small, sympathetic smile, “It’s okay. I know.”

Bucky’s brows shoot up. “You know?” he asks.

Steve nods, “Y/N told me. Y/N tells me everything.”

Bucky exhales, “Ah.”

“I’m not mad,” Steve tells him.

“You’re not?”

“I am married to her and still best friends with you, aren’t I?”

Bucky chuckles and looks down. He doesn’t deserve Steve, Bucky thinks. But he’s damn grateful a guy like him is in his life. “I’m still sorry,” he says.

“It’s okay, Bucky. I mean it,” Steve says, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

The two stand in comfortable silence when the fireworks finally start to go off. The roof glows with red light and Steve can’t help but admire how beautiful Y/N looks with the glow of light on her skin. Avery has her head on Y/N’s shoulder while Jameson has an arm wrapped around her torso. Steve notices Bucky admiring his family too.

“You know,” Steve starts, “she loved you when we were younger. I actually thought the two of you would be great together and wanted her to ask you out. She was about to.”

Bucky looks at him. “Really,” he asks suspiciously.

“Mhmm,” Steve hums, still looking at the fireworks. “And did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Love her?”

Bucky is silent. He stares at Steve’s side profile; he’s still staring up at the fireworks without a care in the world.

Bucky sighs and answers honestly, “All throughout college, even when I was with Dolores. But guessing by your reaction, I think you already knew that.”

Steve finally glances in his direction, “I’m your best friend. Of course, I knew.”

“Did I ever have a chance with her?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, finally looking at Bucky, “once you did.”

Bucky sighs, “How’d you do it? How’d you find someone you love so naturally?”

Steve shakes his head, his eyes trained on his wife and his kids. They looked so happy, living in their own little bubble. Steve smiles softly before saying, “I stuck around.”

Bucky nods wordlessly before turning his attention back to the fireworks above. Steve continues to stare at his family when Y/N turns around and catches his gaze. Despite the night sky, her eyes are bright and filled with joy and love.

Steve smiles widely at her.

And in their own imperfect, but beautiful bubble, Y/N smiles back.

---

steve rogers taglist: @milea​

#steve rogers imagine #bucky barnes imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fic #steve rogers #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #marvel #marvel imagine #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader x steve rogers #college!steve rogers #college! au #chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #chris evans fic #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fic

[moogiwarah]

🐓

Hi! I want to have comprehensive list of the BL manga/manhwa etc. that I’ve read because I want to spread the love for this genre 💜.  This post is a list of works that I’ve read which is not in this page yet + my comments on each work. I hope some people will find something that they like here ^__^

🐣 All BL recs from me 

manhwa  🐓

💜 Never Understand

Yuri, one of the school's most handsome guys,and Jaerim, one of the school's ugliest, collide!...or don't they? Can't understand what's going on between these two! It's Out of Control! 

shounen-ai, completed, 87 chapters

THE STORY IS SOOOO GOOD. The art also improved by a lot upon reaching the later chapters. Jae-rim is dubbed as “ugly” (he’s a whole cutie tho) and I’m glad to see a non conventional character design for an MC! I highly recommend reading this!!  👌💯

Incorrigible 

A sequel to “Never Understand” which is focused on Cho Ayeon’s story after being free from Soyeon’s control.

yaoi, completed, 8 chapters

This has few chapters so maybe that explains the fast pacing. Nonetheless, it was a nice read, I have a really soft spot for Jae-rim so seeing his r-18 experiences with Yuri really got me ahkdjashdkajshd ;W;

💜 Dirty Vibrations

Best friends Yeong and Nohae thought it was a joke when they downloaded the infamous “cursed” app. It’s said to command the user to perform…sexual acts and punishes those who disobey or delete it. It started with making them kiss. When they disobeyed its order…the punishment was anything but a joke. 

yaoi, ongoing

This one is from Fujoking (author of Youjin)! In all honesty, I love this for its sex scenes. They are so well made, the art, the dialogue, the expressions, and just *chef’s kiss* 👌. When it comes to expressing sexual scenes in BL, my top authors would have to be Fujoking for manhwa and Zaria for manga.

💜 Paid

Executive director Heejae is nicknamed "Chaebol Prince" by the public. But his life is turned upside down when documents linking him to an embezzlement scheme are unexpectedly found by an accounting collegian Taekyung! So he pretends to have a crush on him, but.. Taekyung wants more than just flirting! 

yaoi, ongoing

This is another one from Fujoking! This has a heavier plot as compared to Dirty Vibrations, so you get amazing smut AND an engaging story! 

💜 On or Off

Yiyoung is building a startup with his college friends. They get a chance to present their proposal to SJ Corporation, one of the leading companies in the country. But in the meeting room he sees Kang Daehyung, the extremely handsome company big shot that's so very much his type, and Yiyoung's heart starts to race...! Can pretty-faced Yiyoung win both in love and his career? 

yaoi, ongoing

Okay this! It’s really funny and the pacing is nice and the characters are nice and the art is nice and the perfect mix of romance comedy and slice of life i just HUHDADKAJDHJK it’s rly a feel good read and both MCs are SO ATTRACTIVE.

Penthouse XXX

Siyeon, a contract killer, has declared a boycott on men after being screwed over by his ex. That is, until he moves into a penthouse owned by Taekyung, a rich heir with killer looks.

yaoi, completed, 49 chapters

It has meme worthy illustrations xD. The graphics are nice but I found Taekyung (one of the MCs) to be a little toxic. Also, some parts of the story were not wrapped up/discussed enough imo. But overall, it was a pleasant read.

Home Sweet Home

The last thing Jungyeon expected was for his mom to ask if she could remarry. The new man was kind, considerate, a perfect match for his mother but there’s a catch: he has a younger son. Sunwoo is an introvert. He’s shy and has trouble opening up to others, until he meets Jungyeon and finds himself opening up for the first time. As their parents get closer to marrying, they become close, too close, and that’s when Sunwoo learns Jungyeon is already seeing another man.

yaoi, completed, 57 chapters

I honestly don’t know why this has quite a low rating on mangago because I found it to be a good read! It’s like sitting through a romance-drama movie. I liked the ending and the relationship between the main couple.

K’s Secret

Employee Kim Doyoon has been working for 5 years. He has one secret that he can't tell anyone else - the fact that he's a half-vampire born between a human and a vampire.

yaoi, ongoing

The art is so good in the recent chapters ugh. Also the sex scenes are well made. The plot is a little unclear though, and I feel like the relationship of the two MCs are kinda forced and unnatural hahaskdhakjdh. Still reading it tho since it’s ongoing.

💜 I have a Boyfriend

Kang Hyeon Ho, who belongs in the university soccer team goes into a breadth class and encounters the person he went to middle school together with and was his first love, Han Gyeol. 

yaoi, completed, 44 chapters

THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE AU ROM COM ADDITIONAL TAG: FIRST LOVE AND IT’S AMAZING. Just a really well rounded story with the right amount of drama to bring out its slice of life  😭💘 Also, this is tagged as yaoi but the sex scenes were few and not that explicit.

💜 Voice of Love

After experiencing a traumatic incident involving a previous lover, Jiho is too afraid to tell his classmate Soohan that he likes him. Thankfully, Soohan can hear otherpeople's thoughts and asks him out first. But, as we all know, love isn't always that easy. Will Jiho and Soohan really get their happily ever after?

shounen-ai, completed, 37 chapters

Just a really cute story about mind reading and high school boys being in love. Ah, youth. This will make you feel good like ,,, awww young love :( <3

Base to Base

The elite Sung Moon High is fields one the country's top 5 high school baseball teams. Kim Soohyun was the ace pitcher of his middle school now started his first year at Moon high baseball team...since his beloved sunbae Choi Woojin(captain/catcher) is there....Kim Soohyun is an cutie puppy with stalker tendency exclusive for his beloved sunbae. 

shounen-ai, completed, 28 chapters

Sports manga/anime always had a little (or lots) of gay, well this one made it officially gay! A cute rom-com bUT I feel like the ending was rushed. I would have loved it if there was more, but nonetheless, a good read! :)

manga  🐓

💜 I Seriously Can’t Believe You  

"I don't think you've realized your true nature yet." That's what Kon tells Iida, the hottest guy at school, wondering how anyone could be so proper. As popular as he is, Iida doesn't seem interested in any of the girls who come after him. Kon and his buddies try to look into the matter by flipping a coin and having Kon approach him with his confession of love, just to see if he's really interested in guys. "I've... never looked at guys like that..." says Iida, falling for Kon's ruse. Kon takes him home, hoping to straighten out the misunderstanding, when Iida suddenly grabs him by the shoulder, and... A story about a mysterious hottie at school and a prince of a certain kind. 

yaoi, completed, 5 chapters

THIS IS FUNNY AND CUTE AND HOT AND SHORT BUT REALLY GOOD JUST READ IT YOU WONT REGRET IT!

💜 Yoru to Asa no Uta 

(Chapter 0) ; (Sequel)

Asaichi can't play any instruments, his voice is average, and he's only in the band for the girls and the sex. Plus, he's homophobic. For some reason, the new bassist is infatuated with him despite the treatment Asaichi gives him.

yaoi, completed, 1 + 8 + 8  = 16 chapters

It’s by Harada (author of ‘Yatamomo’ and ‘Color Recipe’) so expect dark themes. Trigger warning for rape. I suggest you skip the rape if you can’t handle it because this manga is so good. Its art and story (much like Harada’s other works) will really suck you in. This left a deep impression on me because the characters felt so alive. I respect Harada so much for that ability.

💜 Eigyou Nika!

Sakisaka, stationed in the second Sales Division, has an unrequited love for Toujou, his directing senpai. He had no intention of confessing his feelings. However, Toujou has been awfully touchy-feely lately… Is there a glimmer of hope? Please don’t let it be a misunderstanding! Which path will these vexing feelings flow down to?

yaoi, completed, 10 chapters

I had fun reading this because it’s so fluffy!! aaaAAAA I love friends to lovers and cuddling and the sweetness that comes from a relationship that is a more than friendship but less than lovers. A lighthearted read <3

💜 Mou Ichido, Nando Demo

On his way home from picking up a rings for himself and his lover, Fuji Takahiro is hit by a car. His resulting amnesia degrades his live-in lover Kotou Tarou to a mere flatmate, and a series of misunderstandings threatens to tear the couple apart. Tossed around by desperation and confusion, can Tarou and Takahiro rebuild their once blissful relationship? 

yaoi, completed, 11 chapters

This is like watching a really good mature drama. The characters feel real and the situations presented in the manga were also something one can easily imagine themselves being put into. A short and good read.

💜Ookami-kun wa Kowakunai

The world is filled with animals that can evolve into beastmen. There is a young and earnest wolf who was always mistaken for a showy person because of his flashy looks. The easily mistaken wolf has fallen for an attractive looking rabbit named Usami, who is cautious of carnivores.

yaoi, completed, 6 chapters

I mEAN,,, LOOK AT THEM!!! This is wholesome and very fluffy huhuhuhu no more words needed. A short and cute read! <3

💜Ookami He No Yomeiri

Kaede is a rabbit person chosen to be the 'bride' of a distinguished wolf family. Although he does not wish to marry a wolf, his family pleads for him to go so that they can have enough supplies to last for the next two years. However, how will his new husband act towards a little bunny rabbit stuck in the wolf's den?

yaoi, completed, 8 chapters

The art is good and the story is cute :((( They’re so cute aaaa I’m a sucker for grumpy looking x ray of sunshine it’s just uGH the contrast never gets old.

💜 Encirclement Love

Ryou had a sleepover and saw his friends - Issei and Tadahiro - kissing while they thought he was asleep. He asks them about it and feels betrayed as a childhood friend when they pretend nothing happened. Determined to catch them red-handed, Ryou ends up inside a closet with Issei's little brother - Yuusei -, who has a unexpected reaction to the situation.

yaoi, completed, 6 chapters

It’s basically four high school boys being horny. All four of them are friends and I find their dynamics really funny. Also, they’re all hOT 🥵 I had lots of fun reading this!

Mother’s Spirit

University employee Ryouichirou is ordered by the Chairman to take in an exchange student. That exchange student, Qaltaqa, is a native from a developing country who can't understand Japanese!! Though he is a warrior of his tribe and a man of great beauty, seeing him afraid of the phone and the TV, and even the toilet, Ryouichirou gets fed up… But while being called "Ryouichirou" in such a clumsy manner, he has a change of heart!?

yaoi, completed, 13 chapters

This is funny and interesting! A short read to boost your mood and get your yaoi fix ;D

Dakaretai Otoko Ichii Ni Odosarete Imasu 

Saijou Takato's 5 year reign as the "Most Huggable No. 1" has been snatched. Stealing his thunder is the newbie actor with a 3-year debut, Azumaya! Towards the stuffy hostile Takato, Azumaya's sincere sparkling smile starts to become effective. Even as Takato sets his alert level on MAX, Azumaya catches Takato in his shameful drunken state and uses it to blackmail him! In exchange for Azumaya's silence, Azumaya states, "Please let me hold you"'?! "Embrace me, who was the Most Huggable No.1? What the heck is he saying!" 

yaoi, ongoing

I remember dropping this because MC was obviously raped, but upon watching the first episode of the anime adaptation, they made the sex consensual (thank God) and the story is not so bad after all. I suggest skipping the first chapter altogether and just start off at episode 1 in the anime, then you can pick it up in the manga to see the explicit scenes xD

That’s it for now! Will continue updating in this tumblr acc. as I continue on reading more BL ehe. Hmu on my twt if u wanna talk about BL and/or anime and manga in general hehe. Love lots~ 💜🐓

#rec #yaoi #shounen ai #ongoing #completed

[bang-me-bangtan-style]

THE BANGTAN LIST | .01

Masterlist | 01 |

Paring: Reader x Min Yoongi x BTS

Genre: NSFW! Smut, Angst,self destruction || Stripper!Reader,Unrequited love!Yoongi,    Roomates!BTS

Summary: That one story where you work as a stripper, meet Min Yoongi, fuck him, and cant forget him- but he cant remember you-  so you fuck his friends to fuck the pain away.

Disclaimer: This story contains acts of sex, foul language, and self destructive motives. This may be triggering to some, please read at your own risk!

Unrequited love

“Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it.”

is unrequited love real love?

no.

“When you experience love, you don't care whether the other person feels love for you. It doesn't matter. ... Therefore, unrequited love only matters to you when it's attachment, not real love. Real love won't be labeled “unrequited” because the reciprocity doesn't matter.”

~

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Sniffing the line of coke, it hit you instantly filling your nervous system immediately. You threw your head back feeling the vibe, feeling the high- wiping your nose a couple of times as you sniffled the remaining substance.

Doing coke before a show always got you into character of a bad bitch, the queen of the night. Queen of the night was what you were known around here as.

"Here, wanna hit of this as well?" Bella, one of your co-workers asked. She leaned over the small coffee table in the dressing room where all the dancers kept their personal belongings.

You looked at here peace offering, it as a way as apologizing for getting in a physical fight last week with you over a customer with a high status. That meaning cash, lots of cash.

"Fuck it sure why not," you said high as fuck all ready.

She passed you the joint and you took it, hitting it a few times before passing it back. She leaned back over grabbed it and took a hit or two before putting it out in the ashtray on the table.

She leaned back and let the high sit in you doing the same.

"What are you two bitches doing, did you finally make up?"

"If that's what you want to call it," Bella said nonchalantly to one of the new dancers named Ellen. Bella was annoyed that she even asked because it was none of her business to be asking.

Ellen scoffed. She already hated Bella. Bella was a hard person to get along with. She had a "I don't give a fuck attitude. And only cared about herself. Which working in this kind of entertainment business you had to. Couldn't blame her.

"What's wrong Ellen?" Bella said in a Bitchy way.

"Nothing why?" Ellen said bitchy back.

"Just checking up on you, "Bella said, again being nonchalant.

Ellens blood boiled causing her blood pressure to go up, Bella getting a rise out of her. Maybe if she would stay out of peoples business than she wouldn't be getting all worked up.

Ellen exited the room with a slam of the door, causing Bella to scoff a laugh, a wide grin on her face. She threw her head back against the leather couch again and let the high continue do its thing.

You watched her and grinned at the bitch.

"I fucking can't stand her Bella said a few minutes later obviously still thinking about it.

"I don't think she cares for you either," you laughed.

"Good I don't want her to. She thinks she can just come up in here and be in everyone's business- asking questions that don't apply to her serves her right that she must deal with me."

Bella was such a bitch.

"Welp, I don't think anyone likes you, I barley even like you," you laughed.

"And that's fine, we all kind of don't like each other anyway were all in compition with each other at the end of the day, BUT that bitch thinks just because we work together that we are friends. Nah Bitch THIS is a strip club you don't make friends in the strip club. You only have aqauntices.

"You're not wrong there." you replied.

"shell learn Bella leaned forward getting her stash of coke out to get ready to take a hit.

You picked up your phone and ran through your notifications.

YOU BETTER ANSWER ME BACK BITCH.

Your blood ran cold and you got instant anxiety getting a text from him.

Bella looked up from what she was doing and watched you.

You begin to type to replay back but you didn't know what to say.

"GD still bothering you?" she said taking the hit of coke after it is hitting her brain quickly.

"Yeah," was all you could manage out as before you thought about it too much.

She shook her head, "I told you to stay away from him and his friends he's nothing but danger. Yes, he has money, but he is a passive little fucker and expects you to be there when he says jump." Bella leaned back on the couch spreading out both arms and kicking her feet up on the coffee table.

Letting her words sink in you put your phone down not wanting to deal with Kwon Jiyong right now.

"I know but when do I ever listen, I always get in the worst situations possible," Bella just shook her head at your reply.

"Unnie knows best." she tsked.

"oh, so now were close enough for tittles now?" you said with a hint of sarcasm in your eyes. You quickly tried to changed the subject not wanting to talk about the dangers of GD. You already experienced how dangerous he is. You were scarred for life.

"if that's what you want to call it, then yes. If beating your ass and then being cordial isn't, I don't know what is."

You laughed," I think I beat your ass but okay,"

"if that's what you think, then so be it." She said nonchalantly.

She leaned up from the couch looking at her phone and then cursed under her breathe. She began putting her six-inch red heals on with the soles glass, glitter in them, it matching her baby doll lingerie.

She smoothed her short shoulder length hair and got up.

"All hard feeling aside, if I did have a friend in here it would only be you," she gave a small smile it not reaching her ears, "maybe in another world we could be friends." and she left the dressing room to get on stage.

Maybe in another world we could Bella. You thought.

When you entered the stage, the spotlight hit you and you sexily walked on stage.Guys cheered that the queen of the night had finally enters the stage. It was the moment they had all been waiting for.

The music started and you started your number. Men through money up at you and you hadn't even stripped yet they just liked the way you moved your body for them.

Men were easy.

All you had to do was throw yourself at them to get what you wanted from them. They didn't make it hard. And when they did, they only held out for so long. Being pretty was a plus but it was also a curse.

Give or take.

You began sliding your top of reveling your chest and they went wild. Hundreds were thrown up on stage. You grabbed the pole singing on it effortlessly like some sort of gymnast and did it again the opposite way.

When you're your feet touched the ground again you crawled around to the ends of the stage to let the men get a good look at you. You let one man stuff money in your underwear you arching your back as he did so.

You scanned the crowed to get a good look at who was here.

That's when you noticed him.

The way this man stared at you was absolutely indulging. He sat near the front, behind the front row, on a love seat with a bottle of soju in his hand intoxicated as fuck. He was sexy as fuck too. When your eyes met his, electricity flowed through you and you wondered if he would feel the same current too?

You got up grabbing the pole again before slipping off your underwear, your woman hood exposed.

Swinging on the pole again you became upside down spreading your legs for those who was willing to pay for it. When you became up right again, the man that was far away, was at the end of the stage now.

Your heart started to beat as fast as your body allowed it before you passed out. Your knees became a little wobbly as he watched you. When he took a drink of his soju, he didn't take his eyes off you one bit.

You hoped he couldn't tell he made you nervous.

You took this time to crawl up to the end of the stage and get a better look at him even though you felt like you couldn't breathe, and your throat became tight. His intoxicated eyes investigated yours diligently sending more currents through you before you moved on to the next man. His eyes still following you though.

He had to feel it to. He had to. Or was the high making you this way. Whatever the case, maybe you were into whatever this was. You loved the unknown. But from experience the unknown had gotten you into trouble.

GD.

You kept spinning on the pole before your song ended and you left the stage, a trash bag full of cash. Even with your back turned the man watched you disappear backstage.

Back in the dressing room you found your other coworkers chatting and getting ready to end the night, dressing back in their street cloths. In there as well was Bella and Ellen who was already done for the night as well. It was the end of the night. You were always one of the last to go. But even though you were in the room your mind was somewhere else.

The mysterious guy.

He had intrigued you.

"Y/N," you heard a male voice say.

You turned around to the club owner. "Yes, Cesar?"

"Come meet me in my office."

"There's someone asking for you," he said, "they wanna pay you 10k for a night." A cold chill ran down your spin and you shook in fear.

You stayed quiet. "I... I don't know.... I don't do that anymore. "The first and last time you done that you met GD and things didn't go well with him, bad things had happened.

"You're one of our best," he said taking you out of your thoughts, "you make this club, you're the queen of the night. You're the one that everyone is here for." he said trying to convince you knowing you would make them money if you took the offer."I think it would be good for you." he said.

You internally shook. No, it would be good for you, you thought.

What do you say? "He said expecting one answer and one answer only. The words hung up in the air and you slowly shook your head yes. Knowing you had no other choice.

"Great! "He said knowing you wouldn't disobey.

You followed Caesar the VIP lounge to meet this man. Sitting right in front of you was the last person you wanted to see.

It was the mysterious man sitting on the couch in front of you and Caesar.

Your heart started to papillate and you felt like you couldn't breathe. You felt light headed.

His legs wide open. One of his arms resting on the back of the L-shaped sectional. The other hand resting on his thigh with a bottle of soju in his hand. He stared intently at you.

"Y/n this is Min Yoongi,"Caesar said introducing you to the man who had had no name, "Min Yoongi this is Kwon Y/n." Yoongi bowed his head respectively.

Again, you couldn't breathe. This Yoongi guy wasn't even doing anything but sitting there intoxicated as fuck. His eyes heavy, as he stared at you. You stood frozen in place not really knowing what to do with yourself.

You knew with this kind of job you had you shouldn't have felt that way. But it was something about this guy that you wished you hadn't met half naked. You wished you ran into him at the store or something. Not in the strip club. Not him paying you to fuck him.

You suddenly felt a pang in your heart. feeling embarrassed in front of a guy for the first time. But you had to remind yourself that's what you were here for. Your feelings didn't mean shit. Business was business.

Cesar clasped his hand together, "okay, so I'll leave you to it then?" He said giving you a look before exiting.

You bowed slightly and he shut the door behind him leaving you with the man.

You slowly turned back to Yoongi. "Tell me what you want me to do baby," You said getting into character refusing to let him drain you of your Confidence. You slowly went to him and stood in front of him, him slowly lifting his head to look up at you. He cocked his head to one side.

"first," he said cocking his head to the other side, you taking in his sexy mannerisms. "I want you to take all your cloths off for me," You started taking your clothes off earning a groan from him the revealing of your chest for the second time- but up close and personal.

All up in his face.

You breast sat proudly on your chest. Big and round all he wanted to do was have them in his mouth.

Your hands stopped at your side to the thong you were wearing. You had a thought and turned around sliding them down to your knees and then found yourself siting on his lap to take it off the rest of the way. You moved your hips around and his free arm instantly wrapped around your naked body.

You bent over to take your heels you back arched to his liking him enjoying the perfect curvature of your body. He touched your back taking his index finger down your spine. "keep them on he growled handing you his soju bottle. You put it on the ground.

You sat back and he pulled you close to him. Your back was up against his chest. He put his head in the crock of your neck and nuzzled it brushing his lips against it. Both hands were on your waist.

You forgot how to breathe entirely.

He helped grind you on his harden cock and you brought your hands to wrap around his neck, he kissed your neck softly. You whinnied not feeling this turned on ever.

Whatever this man had. You seriously wanted it.

"I want you to suck my cock," Your pussy reacted pulsing at his request. He grabbed your left breast squeezing it and hitting it- it making a smack in the small room.

You got off him getting on your knees positioning yourself between his. You stared at him before unbuckling his pants. He stared back at you. Your breath hitched and your heartbeat against your rib cage. That electric current stronger than ever.

You pulled him out and met his monstrous cock. him watching you as you got the surprise.

You knew you could easily choke on this if you were careful.

Yoongi watched as you held his dick. It looking so fucking sexy as you studied him. He knew he was big. He just hoped you could take him.

Most couldn't.

You leaned forward and spin on it. Yoongi approving your dirty action very much. You rubbed the spit all over him before spiting again lubercating it for a easy suck.

You then shoved him in his mouth making Yoongi buck his hips at the sudden action. You also earned a growl from him it coming real deep down within his chest.

Bobbing your head up and down you hallowed you cheeks and sucked. Yoongi threw his head back on the couch with his hands behind his head him enjoying your pretty little mouth wrapped around his monster-cock.

You held his shaft with two hands and bobbed up in down on the remaining sucking as much as you could.

Hitting a sensitive spot Yoongi quickly grabbed your head, hands full of hair, to stop you and then he let go squeezing his intoxicated eyes shut relaxing a little.

He sank back down into the couch and relaxed him groaning when the feeling was too good.

Eventually Yoongi grabbed a fist full of hair again to guide you down his shaft lower him squeezing down your tight little throat.

You gaged and he let you back up after doing it a couple more times.you gasping for air. As you gaged for the third time water falls of saliva seeped from around his dick from out your mouth.

Tears spring your eyes at the gag reflex. Him choking you with his dick over and over again shoving him self down your throat as he face fucked the shit out of you.

As he let go you continue sucking as he bent over and shoved two fingers into you pussy without warning earring a gasp from you.

He slid right in because how wet he had gotten you. Sucking his dick had turned you the fuck on.

Moaning, your legs shakes as he finger fucked you into oblivion. You wetter than Niagara Falls.

You pulled him out your mouth with a pop it glistening with your saliva. His head of his dick was red and angry. His shaft being slightly tan. He also had huge balls to match his fat cock.

You took in the sight it making you want to squeeze your legs shut from need.

He pulled you up and you grabbed a condom from the table. You slid it on him and he watched you. He grabbed his Soju from the floor taking a drink before putting it back down.

Once you got it on you climbed up on his lap him grabbing the small of your waist before. slowly shoving into you. You scream out in pain at the size.

With one hand on your waist the other On your butt cheek Yoongi fucked you finally the pain going away it turning into pleasure.

Screaming he grabbed on of your titties in his mouth sucking in the nipple as he fucked the shit out of you.

Yoongi latched from your nipple only to go for your neck again. He seemed to like necks.

He sucked on the skin there and left a hicky only to go to a new place and make more. He found the other side of your neck to do the same making you. Marking what was his for the night.

"Tell me you love me... just for tonight," he said as he fucked you senseless.

Your mind went blank and you couldn't think straight. "I love you," you whined.

He growled a low growl and fucked your harder. You screamed at this action.

He stopped and slipped out of you turning you around so he could fuck you from behind. Arching your back you lifted your ass up to him and he grabbed your waist sliding back into you while grabbing your hair bringing your head back as he fucked you some more.

You couldn't take how good he felt filling you up like that it was beyond bliss. It was the best fuck you had thus far.

Without him commanded you you kept saying you loved him over and over and again Yoongi fucked you harder and faster it was like a kink for him to be told he was loved.

You wanted to hear it back but you were in no place to make request.

The room became hot and you both became sweaty. Yoongi stoped to take his shirt off and get his pants completely off.kick his shoes off with it.

Yoongi sat in the couch wanting you to get back on top of him and he shoved into you making you squeeze your eyes shut and cry out for him.

He smacked your ass cheek it making a loud sound echoing in the room.

He kept doing it over and over until the skin of you butt cheek became numb.

He loved the way you whined for him. It was the sexiest thing he's ever heard.

"Y/n your so fucking sexy." You pussy pulsed at that tightening around his cock as he fucked you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he kissed yours kissing the bruising he left on you.

He never kissed your lips though.

"You feel so tight around me you know that," he growl in your ear. You whined as he fucked harder.

"When are you gonna come for me?" And as if that was in cue you came.

He picked up pace and came , "I love you he whined, and you came again just by his words whining with him.

You collapsed on his chest and he kissed your neck again. Wrapping his arms around. He was still inside you and he just sat there holding you.

He took the smell of you in closing his eyes his lips rubbing against your neck.

He thrusted into you earning a cry and he smiled against you neck.

You didn't want him to let go. This man was so different you wanted more from him. You wanted to see him again. But you knew you couldn't.

It was the rules. Club rules. You could only see clients when they came and seen you at work. Not outside of work that was prohibited.

You felt the pang in your heart knowing if he never came back you would never see him again.

You had for the first time gotten attached to someone wanting more from them. This man, you didn't know what it was. The attraction was beyond more than you could fathom, you wanted more. You were highly attracted to him that it hurt.

You wish again you hadn't met him here.

He unwrapped his hold on you the warmth of his hands lingering. He pulled you off him- Him sliding out of you- siting you beside him.

You felt empty.

You watched him intently taking him in studying him. Trying to remember him. Incase you did ever see him again.

But how could you forget? Could you really forget?

He took the condom off carefully and wiped him self up with one of the towels that were provided on the table next to the condoms.

He began dressing himself and you just watched naked from the couch. As he out his shoes on you knew your job was done and that it was time for him to leave.

He stood up. Turning to you he gave you a small smile.

"Thanks," was all he had said before he turned to leave.

Leaving you feeling empty, naked, Emotional and pained.

You stared at the door as he shut it behind him you wanting to go after him.

But you couldn't.  

#BTS suga #bts #min yoongi smut #bts min yoongi #min yoongi #bts hoseok #BTS jungkook #bts namjoon #BTS jimin #bts taehyung #bts au fanfic #bts au fic #bts angst #bts au #bts smut #suga smut #suga x you #suga x reader #yoongi x #reader x yoongi #reader x bts #bngmebngtnstyle #THE BANGTAN LIST FF #smut #kpopsmut #kpop writing

[ellewritesathing]

masterlist

🌼 favorite 

Stiles Stilinski

series:

So Close -The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far.  -Kinda been abandoned/replaced with Yet So Far

Yet So Far        🌼 -the slowest slow-burn in the history of childhood bestfriends to lovers. rewrite of my other teen wolf fic so close! -New uploads on Mondays!

one-shots:

You’re My Problem - What happens when you take unrequited love, throw in some jealousy, and add a dash of impulsivity? You get a recipe for disaster.

prompt drabbles:

“Have you lost your fucking mind?” + “I am not losing you again!”         🌼

“I had a nightmare about you, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Caliban

series:

Infernal  -In your sleepy little town of Greendale, nothing ever slept for long. And ever since October, everything felt like it was waking up. Everything except for you, that is. One teensy trip to Hell (and an infuriatingly cute guy) later and suddenly you felt wide awake. New uploads on Fridays!   

Faking It -You’d done plenty of dumb things in your life, but the dumbest had to be picking Greendale’s latest bad-boy to pretend to be your boyfriend. -Complete!

Ten Things         🌼 -If there’s one thing you have to know about Harvey Kinkle, it’s that he rarely thinks things through. So when he meets (and falls for) Sabrina Spellman on his first day of Baxter High and finds out that she can’t date anyone until her tempestuous sister does, it seems like the obvious solution is to get someone to date her so he can go out with Sabrina. A not so obvious choice for the challenge is Caliban, but, hey, it’s not like Harvey thought that far. -Complete!

Cross My Heart - No one wants to go to a wedding by themselves, especially when it’s the wedding of someone you haven’t seen in nearly four years. Going with Caliban was definitely a bad decision, but it was still better than going alone.

one-shots:

Is It Love?         🌼 -Demons don’t fall in love, do they? Especially not with pretty baristas that haven’t any interest in them ... right?

Serpent Heart -Being Sabrina’s fraternal twin had its upsides but lately the downsides were starting to get to you. You’d made a plan to deal with it, and the only question now was if you were going to let Caliban get in the way.

Figure It Out -The Fright Club stumbles across an injured werewolf chased out of town by hunters.

prompt drabbles:

“Just marry me already.”

“Is that my shirt?”

Isaac Lahey

series:

(Un)Requited -Isaac Lahey had gone through many twists and turns in his life, but none of them compared to the whiplash he got when you asked him to tutor you. With a few weeks until the end of the semester and the big dance coming up, he’s hoping to figure out a way to ask you to go with him before it’s too late. -Complete!

one-shots:

When in Rome ... Or Paris -When in Rome, do as the Romans do. And when in front of the Eiffel Tower, do as the hundreds of other tourists do. Except you didn’t have anyone to take stupidly romantic pictures with like the other tourists did. So what’s the harm in asking the cute Parisian boy to help you out?

Weeping Monk/Lancelot

series:

Faith and Forgiveness         🌼 -Faith was tricky, fickle. When you’ve been trained your whole life to do awful things, you have to have faith that your misdeeds will be worth it in the end and trust that your faith hasn’t been misplaced. The Weeping Monk wasn’t so sure that he was capable of that trust.  -Complete!

Misc.

series:

Call Me, Beep Me -A series of texts from your dearly beloved Beacon Hills dumbasses

one-shots: 

Milkshake -Cora Hale is arguably the most intense person in all of Beacon Hills, and everyone who isn’t afraid of her is in love with her. You aren’t an exception. The only problem is that Cora Hale has never actually dated anyone, and you’d rather be her friend than another in a long line of awkwardly rejected acquaintances. That is … until you get a more than a little tipsy at one of Lydia Martin’s parties.

What A Man -What do you do when your best friend gets buried alive? If you're Evan Buckley, you completely lose your shit. -Buddie

prompt drabbles: 

“Look at the sky.” +  “Wait, you’re my soulmate?” - Calbrina

“This is by far the most stupid plan you’ve ever created. Of course I’m in.” + “Would you just hold still?” - Calbrina

#materlist #ask to be tagged #i take requests!! #stiles stilinski #cora hale #isaac lahey #caliban #calbrina #buddie #the weeping monk

[lisinfleur]

His

Author’s Notes | You guys left poor Sigurd many times on the edge of that ax this event hahaha I love the danger! Bring it on! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Sigurd x Reader Info | Viking Age AU, requested by anon for 5CW6 Words | 1681 ⁑ Warnings: SMUT insinuation.

You never thought Sigurd would ever show anything beyond those different glares he had for you sometimes. To be honest, you didn't really realize that those glares or the way he would always stop teasing your friend when it was you asking for the fight to stop were more than respect.

But you were utterly wrong. And you couldn't imagine how much until you went to his room that night, intending to ask him to maybe lower the chords he was essaying in his oud - despite how pretty they were.

You were sure if Ivar woke up with those sounds, there would be a new fight in between them and you stayed at the hall that night because Ivar's condition wasn't good. Your best friend was in pain for a long time and he finally fell asleep after a long time of efforts.

You were decided to ask politely if Sigurd could train his oud somewhere else or skip the training day in order to protect his brother's sleepiness, but your hand stopped before knocking at the semi-opened door when you heard the prince's muttering, disappointed with something in his new song.

"That's stupid," he said, placing the oud aside and sighing before rubbing his face with both of his hands. "What makes me believe she will ever have any kind of interest in me?"

Oh, so... He was composing to a girl...

You felt your heart clench for a second. It wasn't like you could deny Sigurd was always the one to attract your eyes, but your chances with him were null, right?

"She's Ivar's best friend... She must hate me!"

You froze.

Your heart raced into your chest as Sigurd got up walking towards his window, speaking to himself, to the gods, to anyone else but you who shouldn't be there, standing in his door, listening to his secrets uninvited.

But utterly surprised.

"What a stupid heart I have," he said, sighing again. "Falling for the one and only girl that will never be mine. This love is almost a curse... I'll end up seeing her married to Ivar, bearing his children, as if that bastard didn't take enough from me."

His heart was there, open like a book for you to read. He was in love with you.

Sigurd Snake in the Eye was in love with you.

"Ivar would mock me forever if he ever knew anything about this..." he muttered, almost laughing at himself.

And you had to agree: Ivar would never forgive a situation like that. Unless he wasn't unrequited...

You had one chance. It was now or never.

So, you took all the courage in your heart and stepped into his room, but your voice spoke almost like a whisper, despite all the bravery in your heart.

"I... I would never let Ivar mock on something so pure..." you mumbled, causing Sigurd to look at you completely surprised.

Some shame in his eyes, mixed with the shock: he was embarrassed, of course.

"You... How long you're at my door?" he asked and you approached, standing in front of him.

"Enough..." you answered.

Seeing when he lowered his head, swallowing dry, looking at the oud, then at you, clearly searching for the right words to explain what he thought was so shameful.

But you touched Sigurd's face and his eyes landed on yours, afraid of the obvious rejection he was expecting.

For a while the two of you just looked at each other; his eyes full of questions and fear; your eyes full of surprise and curiosity.

Slowly, you leaned your face closer to his, cupping his surprised face. Tenderly, your lips touched his, and you kissed him softly, long enough for his doubts to vanish and his hands to wrap around your waist, bringing you closer.

Your fingers sunk into his curls, feeling how soft his hair was, caressing his nape as you could feel his tongue asking passage in between your lips, exploring your mouth, deepening the kiss he thought would never be his.

His embrace became tighter, so your body searched for his warmth a little more, and before you could notice, the two of you were making out against the wall.

His hands were eager, so as his kisses, and you couldn't avoid feeling the same. It was like the two of you were waiting forever for that moment to happen and when it finally came, both of your minds just became silent, fully opening space to your eager hearts to finally find one another.

His kisses left your mouth to trace a slow trail through your neck and your hands slid through his back, gripping his clothes tight when his lips found your spots, shivering your whole body.

"Sigurd!" you mumbled.

And his hands held you tighter against his body as if letting you go from his embrace was to discover everything was nothing but a dream and find himself alone in that bedroom once again.

"I love you, Y/N..." his voice came into your ears, whispered, almost panting the words into your ear. "I have been loving you for so long that I can't even remember when it started. I'm just yours... And I need you. I need you with all of me."

As if your kisses and acceptance gave him the courage he couldn't find before, Sigurd pulled away from your neck just to mumble the words against your lips; eyes in your eyes.

"I don't care if you're his best friend... I don't care if Ivar will curse me forever or even kill me for this audacity. I just can't stand thinking you can be his. I can't stand thinking he'll have your heart."

You caressed his face softly, brushing your lips against his as your fingers ran his jawline; his face leaning into your touch; his eyes now intense into yours.

"Ivar is my best friend, Sigurd. I love him as if he was my own brother. I could never fall for him in any other way when my heart already has an owner... And it's you," you confessed, surprising him with your words. "I never told you... I never wanted to hurt him with my feelings; neither I thought you could ever feel anything for someone that was always beside your brother like I am. But Ivar... Ivar is my little brother, he's my little brat. I can't leave him. But I can't deny how much I love you."

His forehead touched yours and you felt his lips against yours once again, pecking your lips, kissing your mouth in between his words.

"Then let me have you... Let me be yours... I rather have to handle Ivar's presence for the rest of my life than spending it without you by my side," he said, looking into your eyes. "Life makes no sense without you, Y/N".

You didn't want to think anymore. After those words, you leaned your face forward into his kisses and lost yourself in his arms. You were his and his heart was yours. And you didn't want to think about the consequences - how that would affect your friendship to Ivar or their relationship as brothers... You could think about this tomorrow.

For that moment, all you needed was your prince's hands finding breaches in your dress; his lips discovering your sweet spots; his skin against yours like you thought you would never feel.

His oud ended up lost somewhere between your clothes and his. The only melody that could be heard into his room was the low moans and sighs of your pleasure, mixed with his growls in the back of his throat you thought were so arousing and hot.

At the end of that night, tracing patterns on his sweaty chest with your head laid on his shoulder and his fingers caressing your back, you remembered charging him for those chords he was composing at the beginning of that all.

"I want that music," you mumbled, looking at him.

"What?" he asked, curious.

"I want that music you were composing when I arrived in your room last night," you said and he smiled.

"I'll finish it for you," Sigurd promised, caressing your face softly and tasting your lips one more time.

"I have to go... He'll be awake soon."

Go... Back to Ivar's room. Back to his little brother, to give him attention when you could spend the morning into his arms. Sigurd held back his mind and jealousy. You were Ivar's friend before being his beloved... If he wanted to own your heart, he would have to respect it.

And if he wanted that relationship to last, Sigurd knew he would have to be the one to stand back and stop those fights. It wouldn't be easy... But for you, everything was worthy.

"Go," he said, "I'll make your music and if you need some help, call me. Ivar sometimes wakes up with his legs broken when his sickness is in a crisis like this... You might need some strength to help him..."

"Would you..." you started, mutely questioning if Sigurd would dispose himself to help your friend even knowing they hated each other.

"I love you, Y/N. I wasn't joking when I told you this. And I know you love him... I'll respect it, my love. I can go for a truce... He's my brother after all."

You smiled.

Maybe you should have told him about your feelings before.

But now you were safer about your relationship and with Sigurd's meek actions would be easier to have Ivar's acceptance. Maybe you could put an end to those stupid fights. You weren't trying them to be friends, but at least, they would stop stabbing each other's backs.

"I love you too, my prince," you said, kissing his lips one more time before getting up to get dressed.

One thing you were sure: your life would change upside down from that moment on. But as long as you had that smile and stained eyes so passionately looking at you, you would be able to face any change to come.

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[litsavantbookclub]

Regretting You Book Review

Hello fellow readers!

A few weeks ago I finished Lit Savant’s March book club pick, Regretting You by Colleen Hoover. I knew when I started this book that this was a romance story. But it is so much more than that. I have decided to try something new and will use three cards from my rider-waite smith tarot card deck for this review. If you have never read this story I suggest you stop reading right now. Spoiler Warning!

It’s a story about a mother and daughter, family, loss, grief, and the journey of moving away from the past and into the future. It’s about trying to pick up the pieces. Hoover’s novel is like a tarot spread: The tower, the hermit, and the fool. Destruction, loneliness, and new beginnings. All these stages are prevalent in the book.

The first character readers are introduced to is Morgan. She is just graduated high school and is having a night out with her younger sister, Jenny, boyfriend Chris, and her friend sister’s boyfriend, Jonah. It’s clear from the beginning that there is chemistry between Jonah and Morgan. They relate to each other on a deeper level than they do with their significant others. For instance: “sometimes when we’re alone, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away. It’s a feeling I’ve never gotten when Chris looks at me” (11). Jonah makes Morgan feel like no one ever has including her boyfriend. It’s a feeling that is powerful and Morgan realizes she misses it when it’s gone. However, at the same time Morgan knows that ideally those are feelings that Chris should be inspiring. 

Morgan, willfully blind or not, will not act on this revelation because she will not go behind her sister’s back. Morgan states the following about her upbringing: ...I’ve always felt a sense of responsibility for her since I’m older and our mother doesn’t regulate our activities in any way” (3). Morgan is like another mother to her sister. This is a position she naturally assumed because their actual mother wasn’t around. Morgan is wants Jenny to have someone to be the voice of reason even though they aren’t supervised. 

But Morgan doesn’t just feel that way about Jenny but Chris as well. During the party, Chris gets drunk and Morgan reeling from the news that she’s pregnant is not feeling festive at all. Jonah finds her and they talk. Then Morgan mentions the following: “It’s like my chest has been on a constant search for it’s missing piece, and Jonah is holding it in his fist” (11).  Feeling such intensity scares Morgan and she decides she needs space from Jonah. 

Chris comes back and eventually apologizes and shares the reason he loves Morgan: ...you do things you don’t want to do to make life better for the people around you.” (12). Chris says that the fact doesn’t make Morgan boring but a hero” (12). Hoover’s addition of this is foreshadowing at its finest. Morgan is a hero albeit a traditional idealized version. She does sacrifice and does so wholeheartedly for most of her marriage to Chris. She fills in all the cracks in their home and lives.

Clara during present-day adds to Chris’s comment years later when she says that the first word she thinks of when thinking about her mother is predicable: “predicable is not something I wanted to hear. Because it’s everything I know I am and everything I feared I would grow up to be” (51). Morgan isn’t happy with the way things are. She makes mention of this many times in the second chapter. It’s her birthday and she feels isolated and rudderless. In her eyes, everyone has something going for them except her. During those two instances Hoover points out something that many mothers can all relate to. While we may not be the most exciting roles in the world we are reliable because of this predictability. We sacrifice because that is what mothers do but many times it is something that is taken for granted. Every time we give to others we put our wants and even needs on the back-burner for the good of everyone else. It is noble but draining.

When Morgan found out she was pregnant all those years ago  she decided that everything she did from that moment forward was to focus on her baby and Chris. For example: “...I became someone else. I guess that happens when you become a mother though. Your focus is no longer on yourself” (48).  But now that Clara is months away from graduating high school one of Morgan’s longest stages is at the end. And since Chris has died, she finally has to focus on herself. 

The Tower card is apparent as soon as the car accident takes place in the story. This accident turns Morgan, Clara, and Jonah’s lives upside down. The Tower card is all about upheaval. The card is pictured as a tower’s roof being struck by lighting, flames engulfing the structure, people falling down to the depths below. In a metaphorical sense all of these characters are in free fall, everything that they’ve known family, loyalty, and stability is gone. Both Chris and Jenny’s deaths and their adultery break any illusions Morgan had about Chris as a husband and all the years she dedicated herself to their marriage and her “predictable” role. After the accident Morgan says: “since the moment of the wreck, everything in my life has felt edged in sharp corners, and I’ve been tiptoeing around this world in the dark for the past month, trying not to injure myself” (139). The quotation sets the mood and tone of story Morgan is fragile and vulnerable. She is emotionally bruised and battered unable to pick up the pieces. The tower’s effect can have someone completely stripped and bared psychologically. Yet, The tower is also a card that signals a transition coming. This transition is painful and can be harrowing but it is necessary. 

The Hermit is all about thinking and solitude. It’s about finding answers within yourself. However, it isn’t that straight forward. This requires time and it can be isolating. As with every card in the Major Arcana there are two sides. For a good chunk of the story it’s a rough and lonely experience. These are things that every character is experiencing by the second part of the book. Clara is trying to reconcile losing her beloved father and trying to cope with each passing day while also not seeing eye to eye with her mother, Morgan. Morgan is no stranger to feeling alone and being stuck in her head but the loss of Chris helps her eventually see that stopped caring about herself. Jonah having come back to his hometown is left reeling when he discovers that Elijah is not his biological son. This moment of solitude and thinking takes him down a dark path and he almost ends up leaving town without Elijah. Clara in her own suffering helps him see that even though things aren’t ideal he needs to be there for his son. Even though Clara isn’t aware of everything this helps Jonah put things in perspective. This card is about finding answers inside yourself. Being open to the all the possibilities and not being willfully blind.It’s about having the answers but needing to open up yourself to the act of seeing them and finally making the decisions you need. 

The card is pictured as a graying man with a staff and lantern looking down thoughtfully alone. This speaks to the idea that sometimes we need to be alone with our thoughts. The man has the light with him he just needs to realize it. 

Morgan is guilty of being willfully blind. She, just like Jonah, is observant and has been aware of her unhappiness for a while but has gone with the flow for most of her life. This is apparent ever since chapter one. She knows that Jonah makes her feel much more than Chris ever did. But she shuts it out. Until she can’t anymore. Morgan says the following: “I know if I obsess over the past, that obsession will only serve to anchor me in a place I am more than ready to move on from” (336). And at this point all Morgan can do is try to move on and let the past go. Same for Clara and Jonah. 

The last card in the spread is The Fool. The fool upright represents a free spirit and beginnings. This card depicts a carefree man walking towards a cliff, sun in his face, flower, in his hand, dog yapping at his legs, heading off on a journey unfazed by what lays ahead. This easily describes all three characters by the book’s end. Clara has learned the whole truth and has accepted that her father isn’t without blame but was a good father to her. She is heading off to prom with Miller. She and Morgan are no longer feuding and understand each other better. Morgan has made her peace with Chris’s unfaithfulness and has embraced her unrequited love for Jonah. They are both giving their love a try. Jonah loves Elijah and will not abandon him again. He decides to stay and moves on with his life with Morgan and Clara as his new family. All characters are embracing the unknown and unfazed by the risk this may bring. This is the fool in full effect. The act of starting a journey. The fool is innocent and just wants to experience the good in the world. They want to gain experience and are not afraid of what lies ahead. It’s a wonderful outlook that we all must have had in at least once in our lives. 

Overall, it was an emotional read. Our book club agreed that it wasn’t about what we initially believed. This book has layers. We understood the decisions Morgan made even though we didn’t completely agree with them. 

What did you think about the book?

Did you the usage of tarot cards in this review?

Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below.

My rating: 3.75 

Keywords: Emotional, grief, romantic

#regrettingyou #colleenhoover #romance #grief #ltsavantbooklcub #astridfayereads #covid19newyork #march #botm #bookreview #bookblogger #bookstagrammer #quarantine #loss #emotional #montlake #bookworm #literaryanalysis #closereading #tarot #riderwaitesmith

[mtt-metal-crusher]

A Silver Lining.

Papyton + King Papyrus. (Takes place in a timeline where both Papyrus and Mettaton are alive but it’s Papyrus who becomes king):

2259 words. Request by @metaltarsus .

(WARNING: suggestive themes. Nothing explicit)

The human had come and gone, leaving nothing in their wake but heart-ache and grief. The monster’s king, queen, and captain had all been turned to dust, as though their lives meant nothing. And the sad truth was, to the human, they probably didn’t. They’d caused so much pain, the monsters couldn’t possibly forgive humanity after this.

For a long time, it was also assumed everyone’s favourite star had also been cut down by the human’s cruel hands. Mettaton was nowhere to be found, his whereabouts a complete mystery. And so, by process of elimination, Papyrus was coronated king.

He was by no means anyone’s first choice. Some loud skeleton from Snowdin surely had no suitable credentials for a position like king, but they didn’t have any other option. Despite his lack of knowledge when it came to running a kingdom, he had a kind heart and would always have his people’s welfare in the fore-front of his mind. Even when people came along to question the way he ran the kingdom, he dismissed them, informing them that he had very little options in this time of great peril and they’d be welcome to give suggestions.

Nobody ever had suggestions. Only complaints.

In reality, regardless of who was upon that throne, it would always be them who got the blame for everything going wrong. Surely the blame lay most on the human that had turned everyone’s lives upside down, though this wasn’t always clear. If something was wrong with the kingdom, it was up to the king to put it right, whether that was within his ability or not.

Once Papyrus had been ruling for a few months, still not used to his new role and missing his friends dearly, Mettaton made an appearance within the kingdom once again. His apparent revival was seen as a miracle. A ray of hope! Their beloved Mettaton had returned to save them all! Perhaps he could even replace Papyrus on the throne and make everything right again.

But he didn’t.

Mettaton decided against it. He’d been too late to claim the throne. He’d spent the time after Asgore’s death searching for Alphys, missing his chance. Sure, Papyrus would have happily given the crown over to him, if he’d asked. But once Mettaton saw how difficult the life of a king was; not just lounging around whilst people showered you in affection, he figured his purpose in this kingdom should remain solely as a TV star. That had always been his plan anyway, no need to go and change it now that the kingdom was in trouble. In fact, it made all the more sense to keep on entertaining people right now. They needed it more than ever.

So that was Mettaton’s new job. The kingdom’s entertainer. And along with this role also blossomed a friendship with the king himself. They often worked together, Mettaton giving him sensible ideas for running the kingdom, Papyrus suggesting different shows Mettaton could put on to keep people happy. Mettaton also served as the voice of royalty. Every new royal decree could be announced on the television directly through him, a face people trusted. Knowing that both Mettaton and Papyrus were running the kingdom helped ease many people’s worries. For the most part, they made a good team.

But there was still one thing upon both of their minds. Something that they’d both put off talking about. But one day, Mettaton made a decision. He was going to make a change.

“Your Majesty,” Mettaton addressed, bowing low. He hid the smirk upon his lips as he lowered his head, trying to stay serious in front of the king 

“Was there anything you wanted, Mettaton?” Papyrus asked in return, looking at the robot who had burst suddenly through the doors of the throne room, a sense of purpose in his eyes.

Mettaton straightened up again. “I’d like an... audience with the king,” he requested, his smile evident now, showing off his pearly white teeth.

Papyrus smiled in return. “Would that be a private audience?”

“Preferably, yes.”

Papyrus stood up and lead Mettaton out of the room, his cape swaying behind him majestically. He took him through various corridors in the castle, past all sorts of rooms Papyrus had never even been inside. He went straight for the bedroom, the only place he could really be alone, and even then, people still knocked on his door to inform him of some other problem that needed addressing.

Mettaton had been to Papyrus’ room before. It was where they liked to chat. Sometimes it was nice to just sit and talk about trivial things with someone who was genuinely interested in hearing what they had to say. That’s what it was like for them. After spending a day as “The King” or “The Star” it was relaxing to just be two guys who didn’t quite know how they’d gotten into this situation.

Mettaton immediately directed himself towards the mini fridge Papyrus kept in his room, pulling out the bottle of wine he knew he kept in there.

“Want some?” he offered to Papyrus, as though the wine was his own.

Papyrus shook his head. “No! I must keep a clear head for the interviews later! I’m looking for new Royal Guards.”

“Suit yourself.” Mettaton poured himself a glass casually and sat down upon a plush sofa, gesturing for Papyrus to do the same. “What’s wrong with the current Royal Guards?” he questioned, taking a swig from his glass and placing it down on the table.

“Half of them say they’ll only answer to Undyne and the rest were hardly guard-material to begin with! I’ll never understand how Lesser Dog got the job!” He shook his head. “I just hope the new candidates are good enough.”

Mettaton scooted closer and pouted. “Sounds like such hard-work, darling. I can barely imagine the struggle it must be to keep a kingdom up and running.” He gestured for Papyrus to turn around and, when he did, he started rubbing the stress out of his shoulders thoughtfully.

Papyrus sighed, leaning into his touch. “Well, I can’t let people down! I’m all they have now...” He looked back at Mettaton with kindness. “And they have you, of course!”

“Mm-hmm,” Mettaton agreed, giving him a subtle grin.

It wasn’t unusual for Mettaton to be so touchy-feely, he often hugged, massaged and sometimes even pecked Papyrus on the cheekbone. It was normal. It was how Mettaton acted. But there was something about his demeanour today that felt... different? Papyrus shrugged it off. It was probably nothing.

“A-and! They have Sans! He helps a lot with the paperwork. I’m actually quite... proud? No, that doesn’t sound right...”

Mettaton chuckled, listening to him chatter away happily, not wanting to change the subject, but he did come here for a reason. He let go of Papyrus’ shoulders, letting him turn back around to face him. “You know, I’ve been thinking...”

“Oh?”

“And I can’t help but notice that it gets awfully lonely working around people who see you as an unreachable celebrity. Like, they know you but they don’t know you. I love my fans and the kingdom, but I’ve realised recently that maybe I want a little... more.”

Papyrus was now very aware of Mettaton’s presence next to him, he could feel the warmth of his body, all close and intimate.

“And then I thought, why am I here being so lonely all the time, when I have a devilishly handsome, charming skeleton just within my grasp?” He used his index and middle finger to ‘walk’ up Papyrus’ ribs through his shirt, one by one. “And you know who that skeleton is?”

“I could hazard a guess!”

When Mettaton’s fingers reached the top of his ribs, he took Papyrus’ jaw in his hand. “It’s you, honey.”

“Are you trying to seduce me?!” Papyrus exclaimed, the feeling of Mettaton’s hand on his face making his cheekbones burn.

Mettaton let out a low provocative laugh. “What gave it away?”

“Your seductive words and well, everything else!” Papyrus informed him, trying to still his thumping soul. “But I won’t complain! I-I’ve felt this way about you for a while!”

“Oh really?”

“I think about you most nights!”

Mettaton drew slow circles into Papyrus’ collarbone with his finger. “How naughty!”

Papyrus’ eyes widened. “Not like that!”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

Now Papyrus’ cheeks really were beaming. Of all the things he was expecting of this night, Mettaton trying to seduce him wasn’t one of them. In all the hard-work and tragedy that came with being king, it certainly seemed like he was finally being given something in return. Now he was going to grab onto this opportunity with both hands. Quite literally.

Mettaton had certainly grown very... tactile over the past few seconds. Surely it would be acceptable if he returned the affection, right? Hesitantly, Papyrus placed a hand on the lower half of Mettaton’s thigh, close to the knee, not daring to touch anywhere else.

“Papyrus,” Mettaton breathed as he tipped his face up to look at him. Without having to say anymore, Papyrus’ gaze lowered to Mettaton’s lips, which were parted slightly, as though they were inviting him in. He leant in slowly, gasping when his teeth made contact with Mettaton’s mouth. His lips were so warm, especially when Papyrus felt his balmy breath upon him. It was like a release, finally feeling the tension he’d been bottling up in his soul unwind. It was beyond imagination how good Mettaton felt, just being there to give him physical attention and romantic affection. It was like he said, theirs was a lonely life no matter how many people they saw that day. He couldn’t believe how long it had taken for him to come to this conclusion, glad that Mettaton had finally made his move. If he hadn’t, Papyrus would have kept his emotions to himself, deeming them forever unrequited.

As Mettaton’s kiss grew deeper, and Papyrus began to feel more confident in his tender touches, Mettaton’s hands wondered up and down Papyrus’ ribs, not sure what he was feeling for but knowing Papyrus enjoyed the sensation, judging by the little moans he failed to hide.

“You’re so handsome,” Mettaton whispered in between kisses.

Papyrus groaned in return, all words illuding him.

Mettaton’s hands found Papyrus’ tie, beginning to tug it open. “Do you want me?”

“W-we only just had our first kiss!” Papyrus blurted out, quickly pulling Mettaton’s mouth back upon him once he finished speaking.

“Is that a no?” Mettaton asked, hands hovering over Papyrus’ buttons as he waited for an answer, the tie dropped carelessly to the floor.

“No, I want to! I was just stating a fact!” Papyrus told him, excitement washing over him as he felt his buttons beginning to undo by Mettaton’s quick hands.

It was just then that they got a knock at the door, throwing them both off track.

Mettaton sighed dramatically and leant back, allowing Papyrus to escape his embrace so he could answer the door.

Papyrus really didn’t want to move but he supposed he had to. The kingdom could be in peril, or whatever. It was always in peril! Didn’t mean he couldn’t have sexy alone times with robots every now and then.

“What is it?!” Papyrus questioned when he threw the door open, seeing Sans on the other side.

His brother’s eyes widened upon seeing him, lipstick stains on his teeth and his shirt half unbuttoned and dishevelled. “You got someone in there?” he asked, trying to peer around him.

“What!? No! What did you want Sans?” Papyrus asked impatiently, hoping he could get rid of him as quickly as possible and return to Mettaton’s arms.

“Some guy just turned up and said he has questions about the Royal Guard opening. He wants to know whether they get free food.”

“Why would they get free food?!”

Sans shrugged. “I dunno, sounds pretty good to me.”

“I suppose I could make them all spaghetti to boost morale...”

“You already have enough jobs, darling,” Mettaton said suddenly, appearing behind him and wrapping his arms around his chest, pressing kisses into the side of his skull. “Are you coming back inside yet, sweetie? I couldn’t wait for you any longer.”

“O-oh! Yes, I’ll be there in a moment. Won’t I, Sans?”

However, Sans was unresponsive. His eyes went empty, as though he was trying to take his own sight away. If there was anything Sans didn’t want to see that day, it was Mettaton draping himself all sexily over his brother. In fact, there was never a good day to see that. Ever.

“Yeah I’ll just... tell ‘em you’re busy,” Sans said unemotionally, turning and shuffling off before Papyrus could say anything else.

“At last,” Mettaton revelled as he closed the door, “I have you all to myself once again.”

Without warning, Papyrus pinned him against the door and kissed him, letting his hands travel up his body searchingly.

“Now! Where were we?” Papyrus asked once he broke the kiss.

“I believe we were about to take this to the bed?”

“How lewd!” Papyrus scolded, taking his hand and leading him towards the bed anyway.

All in all, being king was one of the hardest jobs of all, but at least it had its upsides. One of them came in the shape of a sexy robot. That was something Papyrus wasn’t about to complain about. With Mettaton by his side, he’d be able to get through anything! But now, for the matter at hand...

#papyton #papyrus #king papyrus #mettaton #suggestive #thank you for your request! #i hope you liked it #i wanted to keep it light-hearted #it's easy to go straight to angst with king stuff #but i just wanted some smooching this time #and you wanted mtt being seductive so here we are.. #not that papyrus needed much seducing haha #angel's requests

[victor-d-lopez-blog]

Smashwords Author Interview

Published 2015-05-07.

Do you remember the first story you ever wrote?

Yes. Alas, it is lost along with much of my early work done on typewriters with no backups. I will rewrite it some day as it still speaks to me and, like many of my later stories, it delved into the interplay between the conscious and subconscious mind, life lessons and redemption. My second short story, Eternal Quest, survives in my latest short story collection, Mindscapes, and is still a favorite that is little changed from the one written by a young old man of 19 who had already learned some of the most vital lessons about the things that matter that he would ever learn. My philosophy, too, has changed little over the intervening decades.

What is your writing process?

For both my fiction and non-fiction I tend to compose at the keyboard. I do no outlining and seldom work on plot lines ahead of time. Also, my first draft is usually also my final draft with only minor changes. During the day, I almost always have a cup of coffee on hand as I write. At night, it may be tea, diet Coke or Pepsi or a glass of wine. Less often, when writing late into the morning, especially after a particularly good or bad day, the glass of wine may be replaced by a snifter of brandy or an Absolut vodka martini with olives. (No more than 2 drinks a day on average as a rule, though.) 

I like to work in significant blocks of time without interruption other than fetching coffee or pestering my wife during very brief breaks until she yells at me and I slink back to work.

Do you remember the first story you ever read, and the impact it had on you?

I'm not sure what the first story was but it was certainly Disney and about Donald Duck. (In my native Spanish--just like my first Superman comic books and child's version of Homer's Odyssey). I still love these, though I have not read a Superman comic since I was 12 or 13. 

My love of fiction was inspired by Disney, Homer, Hans Christian Anderson, Aesop, and blossomed into an even greater love of Shakespeare, Milton, Dickens, Poe, Wordsworth, Keats, Blake, Niven, Zalazny, Koontz, King, Clarke . . . in a gloriously meandering line that is the only yellow brick road I ever need to walk.

How do you approach cover design?

I like to use my own photographs when possible. Even when using stock photographs or public domain designs, I like to incorporate a photograph that I've taken that means something to me. I've done that in my book of poems, my intellectual property book and in two of three short story collections. (Even my latest audiobook collection cover incorporates one of my photos in the montage of individual short story covers.) Of course, I don't have that luxury with the trade books and textbooks through my traditional publishers--on the upside, they do a far better job of editing my work than I. :)

What are your five favorite books, and why?

It is impossible for me to answer this. So I'll just list the first five that come to mind that have had a significant impact. 1, Intimations of Immortality by William Wordsworth. I love Wordsworth above all other poets of all times--even more than Shakespeare and Milton. This lengthy Ode encapsulates him for me, and links him to my favorite philosopher, Plato. It has had a profound influence as the first among my beloved Romantic poems.

2. Bleak House by Charles Dickens. "If that is the law, the law is a ass." What more need I say? (A case that drags out for generations until the last farthing is spent and then is finally resolved. That's not fiction. That's an ETERNAL TRUTH! And yet I still went to law school. Maybe I should list Freud next.)

3. Plato's Republic. (And the Socratic Dialogues.) There is Plato's idealism, Aristotle's realism and the rest is largely a historical footnote.

4. Shakespeare's complete works. The comedies. The tragedies. The sonnets. The inferiority complex for the rest of us who dare write anything at all after reading him.

5. Roger Zelazny's Amber series. I know, I know. It's absurd to list it here but it is still my favorite fantasy series of books from one of my favorite writers. I've read thousands upon thousands of pages in favorite fantasy series, including every word in the trillion page (it seems) absurdly long "Sword of Truth" series of books by Terry Goodkind (whom I love). At times I literally screamed in frustration at the repetitiveness GET TO THE F*^%$*#G POINT! George RR Martin (another favorite writer) in his lengthy Game of Thrones series of books (all eagerly digested--likewise the HBO series) also made me squirm and/or skip ahead from time to time lest I tear out the few remaining hairs on my head. I will buy the next long-overdue installment as soon as it is available, though. Likewise many other favorite authors like Stephen King (I almost died of boredom on my way to the Dark Tower on many occasions) -- and on very, very rare occasion even Dean Koontz whom were I pagan I would worship as a demigod. But Zelazny never had that effect on me, especially in his Amber series. Not a single skipped word. Not a single needless, redundant description. Were it not nearly 2:00 a.m. and need I not get up in less than six hours to attend Commencement ceremonies I'd probably rummage through my library for my Book Club two-volume Chronicles of Amber right now.

What do you read for pleasure?

Everything. But mostly science fiction and fantasy--classic and new. I also enjoy non fiction, of course. Just finished Killing Patton by Bill O'reilly, and Charles Krauthammer's Things That Matter. (Krauthammer is a national treasure. All of O'reilly's books are good reads and his Killing Lincoln, Jesus, Kennedy and Patton books are really terrific.) Now I'm working through a couple of anthologies and listening to the audiobook version of Dean Koontz's "Tick-Tock."

What is your e-reading device of choice?

I don't own a dedicated reader [no longer true]. I use a couple of Android tablets that can read anything out there and downloaded audiobooks too. A small laptop works well too.

What book marketing techniques have been most effective for you?

Book giveaways have been best at generating interest in my books. I do very little marketing other than an occasional Goodreads ad campaign and short story giveaways through Smashwords from time to time.

Describe your desk

Cluttered.

Where did you grow up, and how did this influence your writing?

Queens, New York mostly. The working class neighborhoods exuding the incredible diversity (ethnic, racial, lingual, political, cultural) that exists everywhere in New York City have enriched my life and broadened my perceptions beyond anything that would have been possible had my parents raised me in their native, homogeneous Galicia (Spain) of the 1960s and '70s. 

My writing reflects the vast multicultural soup in which I was thoroughly steeped and slow-cooked. So does my trilingual upbringing (Spanish, Galician, English) with their separate rich roots and very different cadences, sensibilities and predilections. These have informed my poetry, fiction, non-fiction and life in indelible ways at levels beyond conscious thought.

When did you first start writing?

Almost as soon as I learned to write. I was writing (bad) poetry when I was eight years old, and "stories" before that. I kept a journal before I knew what a journal was--and burned it when what it contained was too painful, troubling, embarrassing, or simply too real to deal with at a tender age. I wish I had not for I can't remember what that precocious child found too troubling to keep around. This (no longer precocious) adult would like to know--and smile (mostly) and perhaps shed a tear or two for the unrequited love, frustrations or deep truths learned too young in life to process in a more productive way. 

I wrote a lot back then. Doubtless it was full of sound and fury, signifying nothing (apologies to The Bard). Some things don't much change.

What motivated you to become an indie author?

There are a number of factors that led me to explore the indie route after publishing two trade books and five textbooks with traditional publishers (Irwin/Mirror Press, McGraw-Hill, Prentice Hall, McFarland & Co. and Textbook Media Publishing).

First, I wanted to publish a typically short book of poems for which there is essentially no significant market and which no traditional publisher would be likely to consider. Along the same lines, I wanted to publish a short story collection. Because I am not known for my fiction or poetry, I knew that finding a traditional publisher to take on either project would be a very difficult task, if not an impossible one. Most traditional publishers these days won't even read manuscripts from unagented authors, and I was not likely to find a good agent to handle my fiction and poetry without a past track record of success in these fields. Agents that charge up front reading fees (or any fees, for that matter, other than a percentage of the book's royalties/advances) are not agents I would consider in any case, any more than I would consider publishing through a vanity press masquerading as a small press. (Any publisher that requires an author to purchase a minimum number of books at a "discount" is a vanity press by any other name.) I could easily find an agent to represent me as to my non-fiction, especially my textbooks or law-related trade books. But I do not need representation as to these since I've never had difficulty interesting traditional publishers in such projects. When I complete my first novel, I will very likely search for a literary agent as it is a prerequisite for submitting it to most of the leading publishers today. For other projects, I'll go it alone or self-publish. 

But I digress. During the summer of 2011, I needed a break from my heavy research agenda that included research for a scholarly article and work on the instructor's manual and test bank for one of my new textbooks. So I decided to collect selected samples of my poetry spanning some 30 years and my favorite short stories written during the same time period and self-publish two books. I used CreateSpace to produce the paperback versions of my first two indie books and Kindle Direct Publishing for the Kindle version of these, later also ported to Barnes & Noble and still later to Smashwords for even wider distribution. Moreover, I wanted to experience complete freedom to publish precisely what I wanted and charge a low price to encourage as wide a distribution as possible. I also wanted to offer the book in both paperback and eBook formats. That was a particularly important consideration for another work that I was working on that summer, my intellectual property general reference work. Ultimately, I published all three books. Finally, I wanted to experience publishing on my timetable with complete editorial control for the first time. There is no question that all three books would be better had they undergone the vetting of the traditional editorial process; I am not the best editor of my own work and without question each work is less perfect than it would have been with an editor to help guide and rein me in when needed. Although it is equally true that at times even the best editors can be difficult to work with, especially when their preferences conflict with a writer's style and voice. The perfect is indeed too often the enemy of the good.

What are you working on next?

I'm winding down a sabbatical leave as I write this. This semester I completed research on usury laws in all 50 states and how these are in effect undermined by federal law. The research was started last summer and completed in late January, with a paper completed in early April and presented at the NEALSB annual conference in late April. It is now out for a first round of reviews in selected first-tier journals and law reviews. I am also currently in the process of researching "good Samaritan" statutes in all 50 states, a project that will continue beyond the summer and will form the foundation for a paper completed before the end of the fall 2015 semester. 

This summer, I will also work on a new, expanded 3rd edition on my Business Law and the Legal Environment of Business for my current publisher, Textbook Media Publishing. It should be out early next year. Not much time for fiction or poetry projects in the coming year, I'm afraid, nor for work on my first novel that has been mostly on hold in mid-stream for the better part of a decade due to time constraints.

#author interview

[kivnnl2]

Chapter 3 - Interloper

This chapter is the climax of the whole story line. At this point I have, I reached a certain hype, self-destruct and come to realisation. Above my personal challenges I discuss in the story, in this chapter I open up a lot about my lost friendship, relationship and also waving the LGBTI+ flag. The break-up of the relationship spiralled me, turned my life upside down, pushed me to a dark corner but most importantly left with a strong lesson. Unrequited love is the most most painful type of love one could wish for. You most certainly cannot build homes out of human-beings unless you’re planning to cry out loud so hard like I did one time. In this chapter I realize what I fed to the toxicity of my beloved relationship, and how I pushed myself to being acceptable, appealing and relevant while my friendship with Thato was the sacrifice. I remember blocking everyone out of my life as I was mourning the fall and the heart break thereof. It was in this time I did shameful things to my ex in attempt to mend my broken heart or make up for the fallen tears. I discovered a dark side I never knew I had and reconnecting with God was the only thing I had to do as I had lost my way. I bind all this into how it impacted my self being and creative side as I show off my rapping skills and a music video we did for the soundtrack of the project. I go on to open up about how it feels being a Pastor’s Kid in my perspective. Working in this project made me strong and closed all the wounds. It made me apologise to everyone I never saw eye to eye with including Thato and my ex and that is why this project is special to my heart.

#mistakes visualpoetryfilm kingiv film chaper3 relationship love heartbreaks lgbti

[bigbangt1963]

Okaaaay, so no one tagged me, but I still feel like doing the Mid-Year Book Freak Out tag, so here we go ...

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2017. That will be Passenger by Alexandra Bracken. The storyline was enticing, characters were compelling and very loveable. The time travel aspect was captivating and I loved visiting different places in different times. All the characters were fleshed-out and had lovely relationships (especially Nicholas and Etta who are goals).

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2017. I’ve read a lot of series this year and all of them were great, but for some reason I feel like Of Triton from Anna Banks’ The Syrena Legacy series was the best sequel I’ve read. It followed the story of our beloved characters, adding a few new ones, and had a huge chunk of world-building, introducing the under-water kingdoms with their politics and customs to the readers. It had a gripping storyline and wonderful character development. (And it’s about MERMAIDS!!!!)

3. New releases you haven’t read yet, but want to. One Of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus seemed like a thrilling and fantastic story from its description, but unfortunately I haven’t had time to read it yet. I hope that I’ll have enough of it to read it this summer.

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year. Hunting Prince Dracula by Kerri Maniscalco. I’ve been waiting so long to be sucked back in the mysterious and gripping story of brilliant Audrey-Rose and Thomas and can’t wait to find out about their new adventures in Romania.

5. Biggest disappointment. The End Of Oz by Danielle Paige. The series just kept deteriorating with every new book and this finale seemed dull, making the whole series too stretched.

6. Biggest surprise. This Savage Song by V. E. Schwab. I love the action scenes, traveling, strategizing and mysterious parts of books, but the most important part for me remains the romance. And this book has none. There were two people who became best friends and had no romantic feelings towards each other, but I still loved the book. It was so interesting and action-packed that I didn’t feel that it was missing anything. And the characters were captivating and beautiful, and their relationship needed no adjustments.

7. Favorite new author. That would be Laura Thalasso , who blew my mind and left me dazed for days after finishing her The Fallen World and The Bargainer series.

8. Newest fictional crush. Hands down that is Nicholas Carter from the Passenger duology. He is such a caring, loving, respectful and considerate guy. I fell in love with him the moment he came into my life, and am incredibly jealous of Etta that she gets to have such a wonderful boyfriend but I don’t. Or I just could travel back to 18th century when all the guys were polite and gentelmanlike …

9. Newest favorite character. It’s a tie between Kell Maresh from V. E. Schwab’ The Darker Shade Of Magic series and Kestrel from The Winner’s Curse by Marie Rutkoski. They’ve both gone through a lot in their trilogies, had to sacrifice so much and still retained their compassion, ability to love and need to help others. Both of them are great characters with their idiosyncrasies which made them so irresistible to me.

10. Book that made you cry. Mary E. Pearson’s The Beauty Of Darkness made me sob. The finale was so beautiful and fitting for the series, that I couldn’t imagine the book ending any other way. However these few pages when I though that Rafe and Lia would never be able to be together left me a crying mess. The other one was A Conjuring Of Light by V. E. Schwab when Holland died. Even though he got to save his world and brought back the magic, I was devastated when he passed away. Overall, I have a problem with series finales as they usually make me cry.

11. Book that made you happy. Ashley Poston’s Geekerella made me feel so warm and fuzzy. The relationship between two main characters was really nice and heart-warming, and I thoroughly enjoyed all the fandom and pop-culture references.

12. Most beautiful book you’ve bought so far this year. This is a really hard question, especially since all of the books I’ve bought this year are really pretty. But if I have to choose, then it’ll probably be my Throne Of Glass books (UK edition) by Sarah J. Maas, since not only are they stunning, but it’s also my all-time-favorite series which makes me love these books and their covers no matter what.

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year. For school assignments : The Master and Margarita by Michail Bulgakov, Pride And Prejudice and Emma by Jane Austen, The Collector by John Fowles For myself : The Darkest Minds trilogy by Alexandra Bracken, Francesca Zappia’s Made You Up and Eliza And Her Monsters, Holding Up The Universe by Jennifer Niven, and The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

14. Favorite book community member(s). @polandbananas20, @thoughtsontomes for their wonderful book-related videos and reviews @highlady-casandra for the best rowaelin fanfiction I’ve read @phantomrin for her brilliant art

#mid-year book freak out tag #book tag #personal #me reading #the passenger #alexandra bracken #nicholas carter #of triton #the syrena legacy #anna banks #one of us is lying #karen m. mcmanus #hunting prince dracula #kerri maniscalco #end of oz #danielle paige #this savage song #v. e. schwab #the fallen world #the bargainer #laura thalasso #the darker shade of magic #kell maresh #the winner's curse #marie rutkoski #kestrel #the beauty of darkness #the remnant chronicles #mary e. pearson #holland vosijk