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mo-mode · 3 months

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Back on my Screenwriter soap box while watching PJO: They should have bought a bunch of oil diffusers.

(Edit: This post was made before someone pointed out to me that I missed a key line of dialogue, but my points and theories still stand for the same reasons backing up my original post so I’m not changing anything. The dialogue I missed lets us know that Hermes told Percy the lotus was being pumped into the air off-screen. It’s also implies (? I’m still on the fence about this one?) that Hermes told him what day it is, but I missed these during my first three watches because of how quick and vague it was. Which actually kind of supports my point on why visual indicators are so important. Without these, it’s easy to miss key information. And remember, it’s a kid’s show. ANYWAY my conclusions haven’t changed, and I still believe these edits would work better than the quick line of dialogue so just keep this in mind. Thanks.)

(I’m not being nit-picky. I swear. Just hear me out.) So the weirdest thing to me in episode six was how Percy just…learned everything so quickly without any visual indicators? Like they know time passed because it’s dark outside, but how did he know it was Thursday? They know they were affected by the lotus flowers, but how does he know it was pumped into the air? This irked me because even if he’s smart enough to figure some of this out himself (which he is) we as the audience should still be able to follow his thought process instead of learning after the fact.

What if there were oil diffusers?

So imagine the trio walks into the Lotus, figures out this is like the Odyssey, and decides not to eat anything. They waltz in super confident that they cracked the code, but they were wrong. How do we know? Because the moment they enter the crowd, we get an establishing shot of a lotus-branded oil diffuser letting out steam.

Immediately, we as the audience realize their mistake, making it just that more tantalizing to watch. As the episode continues, we realize they’re everywhere. There’s a diffuser in the plants, on the counter, between the game tables, always right out of the corner of our eyes. They just keep churning out lotus-scented oil into the air, which we can infer because we’re smart. (Remember that.)

Now when Percy realizes what’s going on, we know HOW they’re doing it and HOW Percy knows without being told!! Because they were there the whole time.

Onto Thursday.

Consider: A watch.

What if Hermes has the only watch in the casino until the trio walks in with their own?

Let’s give Annabeth one of those cheap, funky watches that gives the time, day, month, year, etc. Something you get from a kids toy catalogue. It’s waterproof, glows in the dark, has an alarm or whatever. I feel like Annabeth would have one of those. (And honestly, she might already. I forgot.) The most important feature for us, though, is the day. It clearly tells us the day of the week.

It’s pretty easy to establish that Annabeth has the watch. Just do it the same way they establish the date: Percabeth arguing over it in the truck. Annabeth shows him the watch. Establishing shot of the watch’s face. That’s it. No bells or whistles necessary. Then when they get to the casino, Annabeth checks it one more time (without an establishing shot, she just does it casually) and they walk in.

(It’s so easy. I promise.)

While Grover is walking around alone, he tries to check the time and realizes there’s no clocks. (Which ngl is super common in casinos already, but it’s creepy nonetheless.) Yada yada, he gets sucked in by Augustus and that’s how he gets got.

Meanwhile, Percy and Annabeth keep meaning to check the time, but every time they do, someone tries to hand them an appetizer or a drink, which makes them forget OR Annabeth’s hubris keeps her from checking. (Percy: Time check? Annabeth: Its only been five minutes. We’re fine. We need to focus.)

And that brings us to Hermes. After their chat, yada yada, Annabeth “leaves” and Hermes gets all cryptic, then he makes a BIG show of checking his watch, and THAT’S when Percy realizes something’s wrong because oh no they haven’t checked the time. So he finds Annabeth, they see it’s dark outside, they check her watch, and it’s Thursday.

“But we didn’t eat anything!” Annabeth says. Percy looks at the diffusers by the entrance. It dawns on him. “They’re pumping it into the air.”

That’s how you VISUALLY SHOW US THINGS instead of Percy just figuring everything out off-camera and telling us!!!!

Now, you may be thinking “Oh but do they have the budget for that??” Do you know how cheap these props are? Just bulk buy like six oil diffusers, slap a homemade sticker of a lotus flower on them, and keep moving them into every shot. And they’re quiet!! They wouldn’t interfere with the sound, the steam is visible enough to be caught on camera without messing with the lighting, they actually look really cool in some lighting, and they fit the atmosphere of a hotel/casino!! Then the watch is like $15, fits with Annabeth’s character, and totally matches her outfit.

It’s CHEAP! It’s EASY! It DOESN’T CUT INTO THE RUN TIME! It’s AESTHETICALLY PLEASING! ANNABETH GETS A SICK WATCH!! NO DOWNSIDES!!!!

The biggest problem with this show isn’t how accurate it is to the book or how much money they have or that they’re “Disney-fying” it. The problem is they are TELLING US things instead of SHOWING us. And not to beat a dead horse because everyone’s heard of “Show Don’t Tell” but like??? This is exactly why everyone is taught this over and over again in school?? Because people still do it anyway all the time???

There’s also something else I learned (or really just picked up) when I got my B.A. in Creative Writing: Good shows are predictable.

Whether it’s a case of the audience learning what’s going to happen before it happens or them watching the show again and realizing how obvious the answer was the whole time, audiences always want to feel smart. They want to interact with the material. If you don’t give them the opportunity to pick apart the mystery themselves by setting down clues, they’ll give up on interacting with the show and lose interest. That’s why you SHOW them things. There are several moments where this show is completely unpredictable, not because it’s complex but because it doesn’t let you predict it. That doesn’t make it bad—the comedy and character development is doing a great job of carrying the show’s weight so far. But it definitely doesn’t make the show good.

It’s like Rube Goldberg machines. Or dominoes! We don’t watch those crazy 1000+ domino videos so we can watch the last one fall. We watch it to see HOW they fall. Take one domino out, and it’s unsatisfactory. It doesn’t work anymore.

But some oil diffusers and a watch??? Little clues that make the realization that more visually appealing??? THAT’S SATISFYING

Anyway, these are just two things that could have been done, but weren’t. Most of the show is stellar. I think it just needs a little bit of editing here and there. I studied this for like years, and I needed to get this off my chest. That’s it.

Rick Riordan, if you ever see this, I am available for hire :) I would love to be a script doctor please please please please

#THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND #I swear I can be so helpful Rick #hire me #i’m a screenwriter i promise i’m legit #btw this is NOT an opportunity to say you hate the show in the notes I will find you #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo tv show #percy jackson tv show #pjo spoilers #percy jackson the lightning thief #pjo series #screenwriting #grover underwood #annabeth chase #hermes

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my--moon · 3 months

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❝ Traitor ❞

Pairing; Luke Castellan X Fem!Reader (Daughter of Aphrodite) Warning; Angst, betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting, violence, injuries and curse words A/N; I see too many fanfics where when Luke betrays (y/n) she cries (which is completely understandable) But I need more rage and tears, so :) Tags; @riordanness

He was perfect.

He was sweet, kind, protective and loyal.

Luke was the perfect lover. (Y/N) had never felt happier, though something about him made her younger sister, Clara, uncomfortable.

Clara and (Y/N) were inseparable, always together. The big sister and the little sister. The young and the old.

Ever since Clara showed up at Camp, (Y/N) was there for her.

Sniffling and sobbing was heard behind the Aphrodite cabin—(Y/N) just so happened to hear it. The daughter of love slinked and looked around the corner to see a crying girl. Only about 12.

“Hey...” (Y/N) whispered with a sweet voice. She leaned against the wall and slid down to sit next to the young girl. “What's wrong, honey?”

“Don't call me that..” The girl said with a cracked voice. “Only my dad calls me that! And I can never see him again because I'm in this horrible place!”

“Hey hey,” The daughter of love paused. “It's not that bad.. There's plenty of things to do—and there's monsters trying to kill you... Okay, it's bad...”

(Y/N) stayed silent after her words didn't seem to help the poor girl. So she asked a question; “Do you know your godly parent yet?”

The tearful girl nodded as she sniffled. “Yea... It's.. It's Aphrodite..”

“Then that makes us sisters.” (Y/N) added to her sentence. “Aphrodite's my mother as well.” The young girl looked up, her eyes misty from the tears.

“Really?”

(Y/N) nodded. A soft smile creeping into her complexion—she had Aphrodite's eyes and lips. Her hair texture was from her father though.

“You're very pretty..” The girl sniffed, (Y/N) giggled and smiled at the compliment.

“Thank you! So are you!” The smile plastered on her face only widened.

The sniffling coming from the girl had dimished. She wiped her tears out of the way before looking back at her so-called sister.

“I'm Clara. Clara Baileys.”

“Lovely name, Clara. I'm (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).”

As the years flew by them, the two sisters had bonded—Clara saw (Y/N) as a true sister. One that protected her and cared for her without a need for reciprocating.

That's why when Luke came into the picture—Clara didn't trust him. She had no proof of this gut feeling, but he just felt off...

But he made (Y/N) happy, right? That's all that mattered... Right?

(Y/N) was happy, she was smiling so much. Clara couldn't take that away from her. Seeing her sister swoon and ramble over how sweet he was with her was endearing to see.

The way he'd kiss her forehead before training, the way he'd treat the Aphrodite kids with extra respect since they were related to (Y/N), even forced the Stoll brothers not to prank the Aphrodite cabin.

He's a good guy, right? Clara thought to herself. Soon her thoughts were interrupted by cheers, Luke had won another spar. So people were praising him.

(Y/N) was right next to him with the biggest smile on her pretty face. Holding onto his shoulder with a loving look in her eyes. It made Clara scoff.

Sometimes she's an idiot... He's weird.. The thoughts that lingered in her mind were broken by the sound of a familiar voice.

“Clara, right?”

The child of Aphrodite snapped her head in the direction of the voice. It was Luke Castellan. With his toned physique and dark curls.

“..Yea?” Clara answered, cocking an eyebrow. She noticed it was retty late, the sun was just setting—she was probably missing dinner, but she wasn't very hungry anyway.

“Care to walk with me?” He asked, his voice as smooth as butter. That same gut feeling Clara always got when she was around him returned.

“Umm..” Clara stuttered before glancing around. “Shouldn't you be in the Dining Pavilion?” She asked. “Or with (Y/N)..?”

“Not hungry. And (Y/N)'s busy with her meal.” Like answered, offering a hand to her. “C'mon. Just follow me.”

Clara reluctantly agreed, standing up and following him close behind.

The sunset was beautiful. The gradation from navy to pinks was gorgeous and stunning in a way no god or goddess could compare.

The stars started to appear, small twinkling lights in the dark night. The moon rose up and shone it's ethereal glimmer

The path they took was... spooky. The trees were large and wide, the branches loomed over the pair like hands ready to grab them at any given time.

Luke was silent, and it made Clara uneasy. What was going to happen? Does anyone know about this? Does (Y/N) know about this?

“Clara,” Luke started, not facing her as they stopped at a secluded area of the trees. “You trust me. Right?”

A million thoughts came rushing through her brain. She wanted to say 'no'. But that could be bad... She could charmspeak him into taking her back? No... (Y/N) would get mad.

“...” Clara stayed silent.

“You do trust me, right Clara?” Luke repeated, now fully stopping in the middle of the area, but still not facing her.

Clara gulped. “Where's this conversation going?” She stuttered out, slightly backing away from his reach.

“Just answer me. C'mon, (Y/N) would answer me.” Luke said, adding on (Y/N)'s name—he's said her name before; but he said it like a slur this time.

What does he want?

“..Not really..” Clara said, gripping onto her camp necklace; with 3 beads, one purple, one red and a yellow one as well.

Luke let out a low noise, Clara couldn't tell if it was a hiss or a laugh. “But your okay with me dating your sister, right?” He asked.

“I guess... It makes her happy..”

“Mhm.” Luke hummed.

“Luke.” Clara asked. “Why'd you bring me here?”

“I have to send a message, of course.” Luke replied, finally turning slightly to face her. “And your the easy target. Weak yet well known. You'll get attention.”

Clara's gut feeling was right—he was dangerous. And if the moon light struck on his features right at that moment, Clara would notice a sharp blade in his hand, Backbiter.

Clara started to back up, still holding onto her necklace, silently begging for help as he walked forward towards her.

“Sorry, Clara. But I need to do this.”

He raised up his blade; ready to strike down the daughter of love, before she heard rustling from the bushes and footsteps running.

SLASH!

The clunk of metal was loud, the sound of a blade falling signified Luke was disarmed. Clara opened her eyes—spotting the familiar strong figure of (Y/N) in front of her.

Backbiter was on the ground, (Y/N) held a protective stance in front of her sister, holding her own blade; which she referred to as “Celosia” (English derivation of ‘Burning’ or ‘Burned’ in Greek, which is kelos)

“Touch her again and I'll cut off your hand!” (Y/N) hissed, holding her balde tightly as she threatened Luke with it. Luke held up his hands in defence.

(Y/N) glanced back at Clara. “Oh praise Mother Rhea, are you alright?!” She said with wide eyes and a panicked expression. The pure concern for Clara was obvious.

(Y/N) held her sister's cheeks with her palms as she checked for any traces of harm on her. “I'm okay..” Clara managed to spit out.

You wouldn't believe the sigh of relief that escaped her lips when she heard her sister's words. “Good.. good.. Now run off and tell the others, tell Chiron. Tell them all..” She whispered as she sent Clara off.

Clara frantically nodded and ran as fast as he legs could take her, dashing past trees and hurdling over rocks.

(Y/N) the slowly turned her head towards back to Luke. A icy cold expression dawned on her face, her eyes showing no sign of love or compassion towards him like she did a few hours ago.

“What. The. FUCK. WAS THAT, LUKE?!”

(Y/N) screamed at him. She was seeing pure red, she looked like she wanted to gut and strangle Luke for laying a finger on her sister, Clara.

The brunet backed up—he had no weapon since Backbiter was laid limp behind her ankle. “Babe! Hi, umm...”

“Don't fucking call me 'babe', you lying, traitorous embarrassment!” (Y/N) hissed at him, her pupils dilating to near atom size.

“(Y/N), you need to hear me out—” Luke tried to excuse his behaviour with words—but could you really explain to your lover why you tried to murder their younger sibling?

According to (Y/N). The answer is; “I'm not going to fucking hear you out! You lied to me! You said you loved me! What kind of a boyfriend would kill their girlfriend's sister?!”

Luke really had no excuse. But he could come clean. “I had to, (Y/N). I had to send a message.”

“To who?!” (Y/N) yelled at him, hrr words growing bitter. Her eyes were misty, she wanted to sob, cry and beg him to tell her it wasn't true.

But she knew he would be lying then.

“You didn't really think I was loyal to the gods, did you? They abandoned us, (Y/N). When was the last time you talked with your mother?” Luke asked rhetorically.

“I don't fuckin' care about my mother right now, I care about why you tried to fucking hurt my sister!” (Y/N) snapped, her brows furrowed at his words.

“The Gods left us to die. Kronos wan—” Luke tried to start before getting cut off by his soon-to-be ex girlfriend.

“Kronos? Kronos?!” She screamed at him. “You've betrayed the camp, your family, the gods! You betrayed me, Luke!”

Luke averted his gaze away as she screamed and yelled at him. Threatening to kill him if he came back to camp. “Get out of here, Luke. before I run Celosia right into your heart.”

Luke's eyes widened at her threat, he would've killed her if she was someone else. “No, I can't leave you.”

“Then you'll die by my blade.”

As (Y/N) said this, she charged forward and attempted to slash at his ribcage. If Luke hadn't moved in time, he would've been in lots of pain.

Luke dodged the blade, falling forward and grabbing his own sword, Backbiter, off the ground. He raised it up and striked down at (Y/N)'s cheek as she was vulnerable from behind.

A gasp was heard, then a scream.

Pearls of blood dripped from her jaw, a gash on her jawline was now present. (Y/N)'s hand insictively went to her cheek, her hand now dyed crimson as the liquid leaked.

A scene flashed before Luke's eyes. Reminding him of this position he once was in—when he got his scar.

Luke couldn't show weakness. No no no, someone would take advantage of that. He simply looked down coldly at her. “The Golden Age is upon us, (Y/N). If only you could be apart of it...”

And with that—Luke Castellan disappeared into the night.

(Y/N) layed there, tears streaming down her cheeks as the blood leaked down her neck and slipped into her mouth. Sobbing over her lover's betrayal.

She heard footsteps. And the two familiar voices calling her name.

“(Y/N)?” That was Clara. Her younger sister.

“(Y/N)!” That was Silena. Her older sister by a few months.

(Y/N) called back with a cracked voice. “Here..!” She replied to their yells. The two ran over to their sister, Silena slid to her knees, holding (Y/N)'s bloody cheek with a worried expression.

“Clara told us everything..” Silena answered (Y/N) confused expression, how she wondered why them came. “Where's Luke?” She asked.

Another soft sob escaped from (Y/N). “He's... Luke has betrayed camp.. We're no longer safe here! He knows how camp works! He'll tell them all!”

Silena's eyes widened at her words. Clara nodded her head, before speaking; “Chiron's coming over.. He'll heal up that gash as best he can... Are..Are you okay?”

(Y/N) sniffed, before Silena wiped her tears out of her face, moving her hair away from her complexion. “Oh poor honey..” Silena hummed.

(Y/N) looked back at the ravenette, before bursting into tears. Sobbing into Silena's CHB shirt, making her orange shoulder red with her old blood.

“I hate him... I hate him, I swear!” (Y/N) spoke, but her words came out muffled and crokey from crying. “I want to go home..”

Silena nodded, helping (Y/N) up as Clara held her sister's hand tightly. “Thank you..” She whispered to (Y/N).

(Y/N) nodded at Clara before the Aphrodite trio walked back to camp, (Y/N) looking like a hot mess. A gash on her jaw (that'll will only heal into a scar), messy hair, and ruined mascara running down her face.

“I hate him..”

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