came accross my book of The Iliad
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Okey but imagine what it must have been like for everyone else outside of Achilles and Patroclus in the Trojan war
“Great! We’ve got Achilles here, we’re saved! But who’s that other guy?”
“Right, that’s Patroclus, Achilles’ emotional support human”
~
“Help I’m dying! Achilles help me!”
“Hold on, that guy is standing too close to Patroclus”
~
“Odysseus, Achilles is being unreasonable again.”
“You brought Achilles here??? What did I tell you? We reason with Patroclus and then Patroclus looks pretty and Achilles will listen”
~
“Patroclus died!”
“Ahh, dam it, now we’re gonna loose the war”
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POV you’re a boy mom in 1180BC:
What can I say I’m back on my bullshit
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One of my favorite kinda returning jokes in The Song of Achilles is how bad Achilles and Patroclus are at keeping their relationship secret.
Odysseus says he’s heard that they always share beds together and Diomedes jokes that he didn’t even know Achilles was ‘into girls.’
Like.. did everyone in the army know, or was it just a select group of guys? Because I think it would be hilarious if only a handful of the guys realized they were dating while everyone else was just like “Man, Achilles and Patroclus do everything together. Like hold hands and share bedrolls and even share their clothes. And I once heard weird noises come from their tent. Weird. But since they took Briseis in, that must mean they’re into her.” Meanwhile Odysseus is doing everything in his power to repress his laughter.
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“the devil (god)’s after both of us
lay my curses out to rest
make a mercy out of me”
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RIP Patroclus you would have loved Hozier songs
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Photos of The Trojan War, 1194–1184 BC (estimated), Colourised.
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6 y/o Achilles: I'm old enough to say frick!
Phoenix: No you are not.
Achilles: I'll say it anyway!
Thetis, from the other room: No you fucking won't!
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*Achilles and Patroclus are having a fight.*
Achilles: EAT SHIT AND DIE.
Patroclus: BITE ME.
Achilles: Neck?
Patroclus:
Patroclus: Don't make it too obvious.
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Thetis: “Achilles will die when he kills Hector”
Patroclus: “Hmmm”
Patroclus: “How hard would it be to kill Hector?”
Thetis: “I don’t know, what are you think-“
Patroclus: *on his way to kill Hector so the prophecy can’t turn true*
Thetis: *second guessing why she ever disliked Patroclus*
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