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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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TL;DR: AITA for using slurs to try and take them back?

Kindly asking people who arent queer or have autism/adhd ect not to vote

I have autism, Adhd, BPD and am a lesbian genderfluid person. I found out a while ago that theres people who actually try and take back words so they can't really be used against the people it was used against anymore. For example. The r word and the f word (not fuck, The other one)

I've been using them more lately to try and take em back, Yknow? I don't see anything wrong with it since I myself am autistic and apart of the lgbtq. I use it in arguments, I use it against my friends when we're playing around and pretending to be mad, And I even use it against myself at times calling myself yknow, A f and r word. I don't wanna say the actual things here incase it triggers anyone reading.

I always tag it correctly if its online or public, And I don't use them in every argument, Only if they started using stuff like that first. It's never been a problem, Until as of late. We made a new friend and they told me that I have no right to use those words, And that I'm hurting real autistic people and gay people [I don't know if they were implying I'm faking? I've been diagnosed by multiple doctors when I was little for the nerodivergency, And I've always liked using different pronouns and women since I remember]

It's begun to kinda tear our friend group apart. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm trying to take it back so it can be come as useless as any insult like stupid or ugly. I want to make it more normalized so it cant hurt anyone anymore

Some still agree that I'm not really hurting anyone but now a few of my friends say until I stop they want nothing to do with me. I'm fine with not saying it around them if it makes them uncomfortable, But they say I need to stop for good.

AITA for saying these, And WIBTA for not stopping in general instead of just around them?

I'll put the word to search here incase I want this deleted

"plagiarize"

Just a note about that last line: please do not submit things intending to have them deleted later. Deleting posts is a courtesy I offer in case it becomes too dangerous or painful to have up, not something you should be planning for when you submit it.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ihopesocomic · 11 months

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I'm glad you made Hope and Storm BOTH lesbians. In MP, I feel like the creator made Nothing bisexual just so fans could ship her a male as well besides Hover if they wanted to (Because originally, her romantic partner was even a male lion 💀). Like, people only make bisexual characters these days because they're afraid to make characters who are actually gay. In TOH for example, Luz doesn't have any other love interest besides Amity, she could be 100% lesbian but nooo. She needs to appear straight to people who don't like the ship. It really bothers me a little...

TL;DR, this ain't it, anon.

I wasn't gonna respond because quite frankly this broke my fucking brain. But this won't stand. So congratulations on being the person to ruin my day because now I typed all this up when I could've been working on the comic.

While yes, it is a problem and a way for /corporations/ to use bisexuality as a disingenuous way to have their cake and eat it by saying a character is "bisexual" without actually delivering on queer representation, to both appease LGBT+ audiences and anti-LGBT+ scumbag bigots, and there is really special discrimination against lesbians in media, what we're NOT gonna do is assume the mere existence of a bisexual character is a statement against lesbians, cuz that's just flat out biphobic.

About TOH, the creator is bisexual herself. So of course bisexual people are allowed to put themselves in their own fucking content, just like I'm allowed to have lesbians in my own fucking content. Luz has shown interest in both men and women (and it wasn't comphet either) and nothing about the show, especially after s2e8 made Luz "appear straight". What a wild thing to say.

Yea sure I'm a lesbian, and I love seeing myself represented, but when sapphics exist in content, we all win. My bisexual friends get to see themselves, and I am a happy fucking camper because I'm a simple woman who just wants to see two girls holding hands. And when lesbians exist in media, my bisexual friends also get to see two girls holding hands. I think they call it being happy for each other. Crazy concept, I know.

If I were you, anon, I would continue on in life working on not having that shitty perspective you've graced our inbox with. - Cat

Sorry to kickstart Pride Month in this fashion, folks but… don’t be like this?

And because we know it’s coming: we’re not posting any discourse about this. You can get mad at lazy representation like MP without dragging bisexuals and bisexual representation down. C’mon now. - RJ

#ask #biphobia

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the-ace-lesbians · 1 month

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Hi! I noticed that in your blog description you said that people who use "bisexual lesbian" are not welcome. I'm wondering why? (Maybe I'm wrong about what a bisexual lesbian is - it's a term for women and enbys who are bisexual and homoromantic, right?) I'm sorry if this is a stupid question.

Hi!

I have answered this question before (or explained my thoughts on the general idea) a few times, but the tl;dr is: while I DO recognize people who identify as bisexual lesbians as, of course, sapphic, and queer siblings of mine, I personally feel as if the term itself is rooted in lesbophobic ideas ('lesbians can like men' is age old lesbophobic rhetoric), and that's not to even get started on how biphobic it tends to be as well.

Mix this with the fact that I do not believe the split attraction model can be used outside of aspec communities, and the fact that a 'bisexual homoromantic' or a 'biromantic homosexual' just... almost exactly describes a lesbian with comphet (please God, read the lesbian masterdoc before you settle on any identity as a sapphic)... Well.

Liking men only sometimes under very specific circumstances, or only in sexual circumstances (where you can divorce yourself from the context of it all in many cases) is like, text book comphet the majority of the time.

So, while I DO see anyone who identifies as a 'bi lesbian' as, of course, sapphic, or gay, or queer, or anything they want to be called, I also just... don't want to interact with them on any sort of personal level, which does include having them follow me and interact with posts I reblog or make myself.

I'll fight for them the same as anyone else, and I'd rather them have community with lesbians than none at all, but it's just a personal boundary I make and enforce with no real malice.

#ask a deer #deerly beloved #ask

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whomst-is-hex · 5 months

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hi im a cis (late teenage) woman who was a transgender man for like 5 years and just recently figured out im not. throughout that whole period there was so so so much fear about how people around me would view me, and it was a very insecure time. BUT, unlike the general expectation of detrans (the asshole idea that transitioning was for trends) i'm really fucking glad i did it.

before i fully started going by he/him and Marcus, i had a couple months where i was just switching from gender to gender, sexuality to sexuality, because i just recently started comprehending queer people and was desperately searching for identity and community. i settled on the name and pronouns one day at a playground, where i told a stranger around my age my name was Marcus and i am transgender. i told my parents shortly after (i told my parents everything in that regard) and right after that i started to strip away anything remotely girlish about myself, which i kinda started doing anyway after i started to call myself a lesbian.

a few years in i started to notice that the "femininity" was around anyway. i admired my silhouette sometimes in the mirror, but quickly switched to trying to flatten my chest. i loved being masculine, i loved passing, but i really also loved my body in all of its generally-percieved-as-woman-ness. this pretty much balanced me out for the last couple years. i stopped trying desperately to pass, and started to accept myself as inherently masculine without binding or vocal exercises (and even in drag, which i still really fucking love doing)

and now we're at a few months ago, where i presented fully female for 30 days as an experiment. obviously my brain had went through SO many chemical changes, and i think just general maturity caused me to click and realize that i don't want this anymore. not to say that young trans people are immature, or that being a man is low, i just started to realize that i messed up and taught myself to fit in another box that i didn't fully want.

right now, i have ditched that box all together. but now i know that it never had to be a box to begin with. i believe that i really was a man for that period of time, even when i admired my curves and face and voice. i was looking for identity, and i found it. but now, i'm sort of a different person with different needs in life and myself. and because i had that experience of rapid change, experimentation, insecurity, and self love, i really really know how to be a woman now. and like the post i reblogged just before writing this says, being a woman doesnt have to mean much in terms of differences. in my case, it means that i am not the basic cisgender bisexual woman cutout i was terrified of becoming when i was younger. and it means im keeping marcus as my name, and my dead-name remains as my middle name.

my point with this was to catalogue my experience, but i think i really need to bring up how actual trans people experiment at all sorts of ages, and it works for them pretty damn well. i have friends who experimented just as much as i did and are way more cemented in their transgender identity than i ever was. i think its also important to say that my experience happens a lot as well. brains change, people change, and i've heard of trauma messing with identities too. point is, we have Got to stop generalizing trans and detrans people, or at least catch ourselves when we do. brains are so goddamned complicated and we dont even know everything about gender. what we do know is it changes sometimes, its unpredictable, and its across all cultures. like my dad says, the minute you figure out something about yourself, itll change. and i believe having a brain that doesnt change is no way to live

TL;DR: i was transgender, now im not, im happy, people are happy being trans or cis sometimes and thats cool as hell. dont be an asshole and stop trying to assume things about people like identity that shit sucks

#queer #transgender #detransition #talking #trans is holy #trans is beautiful #gender is holy #gender is beautiful #love is real

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tumblasha · 4 months

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why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)

today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.

bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.

i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!

i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].

and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.

this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?

and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).

for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.

and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].

this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.

the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn

heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch

sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh

sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.

why was i like that.

---

[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?

[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:

[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao

[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?

[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.

[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!

#tl;dr: if it wasn't obvious i used to be a pick-me LMAO but now i'm better (nonbinary lesbian? that seems good for now)#/nbh = nobody here (tone tag)#this is a jumbled mess #pls don't feel pressured to read this #just hit that like button and keep scrolling wahfioejwa #dash rambles #coming out #sorta

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maglors-anion-gap · 9 months

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1, 11, and 13 from the nice asks, please?

[for this ask game]

A fanon characterization that you love:

I really enjoy fanon lalwen. She's not in the silm and she gets almost no exposition elsewhere so she really is the blorbo personality I invented. Lalwen the best friend of fingolfin, lalwen fingolfin's right hand man, lalwen the loud and the smiling, lalwen the lesbian -- idk I just really like how some folks have turned her into the big, gregarious lady, especially since most of tolkien's ladies fit different niches (tolkien would have exploded if he'd ever met a butch dyke, I don't think he'd know what to do with a woman like that). Otherwise, I like fanon maeglin a lot. Singly handedly fixed tfog for me so that I didn't have to avoidantly flip past chunks of it. Maeglin's canon behavior is obviously a real-world phenomenon (and the reason I had personal issues enjoying tfog) so there's value in analyzing that. But at least for me, it's been very nice to see people examine the interplay between low self-esteem and outward confidence, the trauma of adolescence and the adult responsibility of growth and recovery, inquisitive desire for greener grass and the feeling of freakishness or otherness. I think a lot of it takes themes present in the original but pares away some of tolkien's dated coding and the broader discomfort casual fans might want to avoid.

11. Recommend a fic with an unusual/original headcanon or characterisation that you loved:

I would recommend Half Mourning by @skyeventide! One, I love the idea of Maeglin having Dwarvish tattoos. There's so much depth there; that they'll fade and take a part of his identity with him, how distancing himself from the bad parts of his life has forcibly distanced him from the good or familiar parts as well. Two, Maeglin as a mirror for other people! Gaia has really masterfully captured something I didn't know I needed to see in Maeglin. He's usually written to be either charismatic and biting, or withdrawn and dejected (and to be clear, I enjoy both). But this fic kind of opened a third door: Maeglin who is whatever the situation requires, who has past associations and familiar customs but no real positive tether to his identity, the knowledge that he is not unwelcome but that he does not belong, that the easiest way to avoid scrutiny is to mimic the person in front of him. I felt very called out.

13. Recommend a fic (can be your own!) that features something you wish was written about more:

This is actually a series (sorry) but The Years Start Coming and They Don't Stop Coming by @i-am-a-lonely-visitor! I am very taken with Visitor's Celebhir (trans celebrian). I think a lot of folks (myself included) often write trans characters as having transitioned to their canon genders (for example, transmasculine maedhros is a staple of mine). And I love this, it's great! It's one way to explore. But I think for a while, at least what I saw, there was a bit of a stir across fandoms about best practice for writing trans characters (eughgghhh) and the Arbiters settled on "needs to match canon gender" and then enforced that vigorously. So personally, I love love love it when people take a canon character and say "I'm transing their gender the opposite direction." It requires you to analyze the character, pare them down to the characteristics about them that will never change (similar to the analysis required to set them in a wildly alternate universe) and then overlay on top of that the new characteristics of what it's like to be trans, how they interact with the world now, how that changes their character, etc. For example, Visitor's Celebhir has a certain tension with Galadriel that wouldn't exist in that manner for Celebrian. Very very tasty analysis going on. (I will be posting transfeminine caranthir soon - I say, having said this for the last three months). TL;DR: I think we should trans more characters, and if your first anxiety is "what if I'm transing them wrong??"/"I heard someone say you should never trans a character like this" you're probably *not* transing them wrong and it's going to be fine (and people love to beta so!)

#answering this was the fic game version of trying to clean my room #took me all day bc i kept getting distracted like oooh hey i forgot i bookmarked this -

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polyamorousmood · 8 months

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can you be a teenager and be polyamorous?

this sounds like a silly question, but can i explain real quick-

so i’m, ofc, a teenager, and i’ve never actually been in any kind of romantic relationship before, or even kissed anyone - not that i don’t want to, my parents are just homophobic - and idk, i think i’m polyam, but… like, am i allowed to be, if i’m a teenager? i’m ace and i already know i don’t want any kind of sexual relationship w/ anyone, and i know that polyamory is often only seen as a sexual thing by a lot of the general public, so maybe that’s why i’ve seen so much stuff online saying that kids can’t be polyam as it’s inherently sexual (i don’t think it always is), or the classic ‘they’re too young to know’ but i just feel like they’re right sometimes, like, i haven’t had the experience and years and stuff that adults have had, and that makes me feel like an idiot for even wanting anything to do w/ this part of the community.

except… it’s like. when i think of being older and married or in a relationship, i always think of it being someone who’s not a man (i’m a nonbinary lesbian), but like, i also think of it as more than one person? like. i’d be happy w/ two wives i think. or a partner who has a partner, that i’m not dating, esp since i’m ace and not of course everyone else is and everyone has different needs wants in a relationship. and while these are obviously just thoughts, i’ve also put. like. a lot of thought into it, and the traditional relationship structure (monogamous man/woman) doesn’t really seem like something that work for me. like also bc i’m aro and i could have a qpr but i wouldn’t mind if it was w/ more than one person or if my partner had like a date or other qpr partner or like… you get the gist. not even ‘wouldn’t mind’ i think it’d be neat, like the traditional relationship structure just never felt like it was right for me.

idk, i’m sorry, this ask is so incoherent. i just. wanted to know if i could be teenage and polyam, or if there’s something wrong w/ me and my thinking for wanting to be so, like i honestly don’t know if there is, and it’s not great sometimes, wanting to use a label for yourself in your head and not knowing if you… can

TL;DR (and it will be long): you can be whatever you feel, at any stage of life, forever. So, yeah, it could be other things, but if that's how your feeling, it doesn't really matter if you change your mind later. You can be it now.

So here's the thing: you do have a lot going on. All teenagers do, and as much as adults condescend to teenagers about it, the only way to figure it out for you personally is for you --personally-- to stumble through it. And you're clearly a bit overwhelmed. That's chill and normal. As stressful as it is, try not to stress it; these are all things that will be okay once the dust has settled.

When I was a teen, I didn't want to touch anyone. I thought I was ace. I barely even wanted a romantic relationship. Now I want several high-sex romantic relationships. I changed in that. I haven't changed in other ways, such as not wanting kids. Everyone told me I'd want them eventually, and here I am as an established adult, happily childless.

If you think you're poly now, you're allowed to call yourself poly! If you wanna say you're "questioning poly" or "interested in exploring" poly that's fine, too, in the same way bi people sometimes go "I'm mean I'm pretty sure I'm bi because my gender people SO HOT but some days I'm not feeling it and I've never actually had gay sex soooo for now I'm just going to call myself bicurious". And a lot of people will probably tell you you're too young to know, but that's not going to change how you feel. Maybe you'll grow in a different direction. Maybe you'll have a 10 year headstart on happiness that everyone on poly forums wishes they had. Both of those things sound fine to me. Those are both 👌👍✅ outcomes.

You can also want all those things and not consider yourself poly. Maybe you're just meant to join a commune 🤷

The point of labels is for you to be able to describe your experience, not to define you. If you think "poly" is an adequate word to describe the experience of "ace but wanting to build my life with multiple close women" then go for it! You could also describe yourself as other things to other people. Like, if you're in a very queer environment like Tumblr, you might feel comfortable saying "I wanna be in a poly lesbian QPR!" but to conservative adults you might just stick to "I'm not looking to get married too quick, its just going to be me and my best girl friends for awhile!" and to someone who's trying to understand but really isn't getting it you might choose to describe it as "I'm trying to found-family-trope my life. Like, we're not sexual, but we're everything for each other, you know?"

So I guess to wrap this up back to you initial question: "poly" isn't inherently sexual, and you can use it to describe anything you think it applies to, yourself especially. However, it may carry that connotation with others, so it might be a lot of trouble (up to you whether its worth that trouble) to identify yourself as that to those people. In your own head? do whatever the fuck you want lmao I'm not the thought police🚫🚓

Use them terms -- "poly" included -- when they suit you. Be that the current mood, the current conversation, the current stage in life, whatever.

#ask box is always open #I don't feel like I kept the thread here super well but you know what I'm getting at

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grelleswife · 8 months

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Ooh so you're watching 98 Trigun. What do you think?

I’m really liking it so far! Though I should probably hold off on extensive comparisons with TriStamp until I’ve finished 98, I think these anime adaptations are a prime example of the “two cakes” philosophy: Distinctive versions that each bring something good and unique to the table. It might a bit hypocritical of me to call 98 Trigun’s style “nostalgic” since I didn’t enter weebdom until around 2017, but the animation has this feel of belonging to a bygone era that gels nicely with the western elements. The cast for the English dub give an entertaining performance, especially the voice actors for Vash and Milly.

And, speaking of Milly…Milly Thompson, woman that you are! 😍 A himbo lesbian with keen powers of perception, big guns (of both the metallic and muscular variety), and a heart of gold. If she snapped me in half, I’d thank her, but she’s likely the type to give out warm bear hugs instead. 🥰 I definitely understand why fans of the original were so irate over her absence in Trigun Stampede (barring the offscreen mention in the last episode), because she’s a treasure! 💕 Milly also makes a great foil to her girlfriend Meryl. While I’m fond of TriStamp Meryl, I love how the 98 version gives us assertive, spitfire (complimentary) Derringer Meryl right off the bat. She’s serving fashion and putting outlaws in their place with her coat of many guns, and her complete lack of patience with Vash’s tomfoolery (to the point where she stubbornly denies the possibility of this chucklehead being the Humanoid Typhoon for several episodes) cracks me up every time. 😂 I also like the running gag of Milly and her being insurance agents. Although TriStamp’s decision to make Meryl a journalist worked fine—giving her a plausible motive for chronicling Vash’s misadventures—her original position as an insurance worker places a greater emphasis on the violence and destruction which plague the story (as she and Milly scramble to document the havoc wreaked in Vash’s wake), albeit with a comical twist.

Vash remains my darling babygirl, whether caught up in madcap hijinks or betraying the deep sadness hidden behind that smile. Johnny Bosch does a wonderful job bringing him to life (I mostly watched the sub when TriStamp was airing, so getting to hear his interpretation of the character is a treat!). However, I’m not a huge fan of the stereotypical “sleazy womanizer” bit inexplicably tacked on to Trigun 98—my plant boi drinks his respecting ladies juice, thank you very much! 😤 But perhaps it’s just part of his silly goofy guy act, albeit a distasteful one, so I’m hoping it’ll be phased out as the show progresses.

(Haven’t reached Wolfwood’s intro yet, but I’m looking forward!)

The 98 anime’s more relaxed pace is another point in its favor. As much as I enjoyed TriStamp, that 12-episode limit plaguing so many contemporary anime often left the plot with little room to breathe, which I think might be one reason why the melancholy undertones came through with such unremitting force from the very beginning. In contrast, 98 Trigun can afford to be stealthier, keeping things light in the early episodes, but with occasional somber moments betraying the brutal angst to come. Both approaches have merit, though! Like I mentioned earlier, the two Triguns are a pair of cakes: Different frosting and flavors, but both delicious.

The OP is, as the younglings say, a banger. I’m normally not a huge fan of instrumental OPs, but I inevitably find myself rocking out to this one! 🎶 Meanwhile, the languorous ED evokes lazy Sunday afternoons dozing in the shade; it makes me want to take a nap in a hammock like Vash is in one of the stills.

TL; DR: The ride’s a blast, and I am fully prepared to get hurt again. 😎

#trigun #trigun 1998 #love and peace and asks #future-dregs

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wickerfemme · 2 years

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do you have any advice on how to bring up my feeding / stuffing kink to a longish term partner?

As always, I don't know how useful I can be, but I'll chip in my thoughts. Heads-up as well that I'll be speaking with the assumption that you're someone who has sex, your partner is someone with whom you have sex, and that feedism is a sexual thing for you.

I believe that ultimately it's down to being open and communicative about what you find hot; if you're longish-term with your partner, you presumably already know what kind of sex each other like having, and have probably negotiated your different preferences (in small ways, at least: positions, kinds of touch, etc etc) before.

I think I've said this before in response to a similar ask, but despite how feedism transgresses certain social taboos (enjoying yourself, not hating fat bodies) it's also sort of just... very common, once you move past the label? We have "relationship weight"; we had a cultural moment where "thicc" was all the rage; we have cultures of hospitality and feeding others as a sign of love. In my experience of lesbianism, especially, there's this unspoken strain of something very feedist in the way food and eating become involved in love and romance and sex. And all of that is maybe why I can be dismissive of people who make a big deal about being a "closeted" feedist (not to say you're doing that); not only is it kind of corny and, as a gay person, slightly offensive, but it's also like, babe. You may be a food pervert but so are lots of people (even if protestantism and diet culture have us collectively fucked up); get over yourself.

To get back to actually bringing this up with your partner, I think the important thing is less about having this confessional moment about how you participate in a kink with a name and so on, and more about you having a good time with your partner and getting to experience sex and sexual activities you find hot. Because, to my mind at least, it's not important that these are feedist activities; what matters is that eating, being fed, being full, etc are hot and enjoyable. I think if you're someone who inclines toward the feedee role, it's probably easier to integrate this kind of thing into your existing dynamic with your partner (maybe it's just me, but partners love to feed you). Trying to introduce your kink from a feeder perspective will probably require more actual negotiation; you want a consensual and mutually-agreed upon good time.

I feel like I'm rambling at this point and losing focus, so I'm going to stop writing. tl;dr is be open and unapologetic about what you find hot, and that it doesn't need to be this big marriage proposal of a Thing. You really can say "call me a deviant, but I think peaches are erotic and it's kinda hot when someone feeds you. Dinner was so good; look how cute my belly is". It's scary to advocate for the sex you want (frankly, despite this whole post, I'm not great at doing it for myself), but you've likely done so before.

#i get halfway through a response like this and i kind of forget what i've said up til then #so if this is incoherent apologies #Anonymous

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bi-sapphics · 2 years

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super weird to me that some blogs are uncomfortable with making pride flag icons for characters that deviate from their canon identity and i'm gonna speak on it. just hear me out first!

i wanna firstly say that i understand their stance from their pov because it's entirely possible that someone would request such a thing for erasure reasons, but it usually isn't like that. it's just as possible (in fact more likely imo) that it's being requested so that someone can vibe with a character they like using their own flags. bisexuals can love catra, lesbians can love luz, in fact i would argue it's more serious erasure to take identity away from a real person by forbidding them from using a character pride icon that doesn't match their own (i'd get blasted if my icon featured catra in front of a lesbian flag because i'm not one?????? hello??).

like............ am i committing lesbian erasure by slapping the bi4bi twibbon on my current icon to match the scene's color palette and share an important aspect of myself relating to my blog's content, or am i required to put the matching les4les flag (if you're curious) on amity's side? or to just have a regular bi & lesbian split flag since lumity is a bi4les pairing? that's ridiculous! you sound ridiculous!

also very weird that you'll offer alternatives to avoid "harmful headcanons" that don't exist in these particular situations, like "oh you can't have a bi amity icon but you can use this trans/nby flag one since that's not confirmed canon!" or "oh but how about this split lumity icon with one bi flag and one sapphic flag?" like, no, if you feel more comfy that way for your own stuff then that's fine, but if i hypothetically want a bisexual amity icon that shouldn't be problematic. if you'd need me to specify my intentions on my profile or something, fine, but y'all are reaching so hard and it's resulting in as much discomfort to innocent ol' me as it is to you for no good reason.

i mention all this because i'm coming across such rules in icon/edit maker blogs i'd like to follow, which reminds me of a bi catra icon incident that happened on my previous old blog that resulted in a block before i got the chance to explain/defend myself. i don't actually want a bi amity icon (right now), that was just a hypothetical example. plus it's hypocritical anyway since i actually do see lesbian luz icons all the goddamn time without consequence, but that doesn't surprise me since any form of "bi erasure" (generally speaking here) is much more accepted online and thrown under the rug. people call her a lesbian all the time and i see tiktok edits of lumity using only the lesbian flag far too often and i think that's something we should be more worried about than someone's personal preferences.

tl;dr - character pride flag icons that deviate from canon aren't necessarily erasure due to them not being about the characters. "you must be x identity to like y character" rules are silly. stop gatekeeping, you're weird.

also if you're confused about any of this, please just ask me and i will clarify because i can guarantee that if you're angry with me you probably just misunderstood. i do not stand for lgbt erasure at all. i just personally don't think these instances are such. i do not wish catra was bi, amity bi, or luz lesbian. i do not disregard canon and change their own identies up. please communicate, it helps us both. thanks.

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transmascore · 1 year

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i realise this is a very basic question but how did you realise you were trans and gay

A basic question but... a complicated answer!

I’ll give the TL;DR first, and then the extended answer under the readmore. I realized I was trans at 17 - I experienced all forms of dysphoria and realized I aligned with manhood rather than womanhood.

I have always known I was queer, even before I knew language for it, but I identified as pansexual from age 15 to age 26 (as in, literally This Year), when I realized my attraction to women was pretty much non-existent, but my love for men (and men-aligned people) is vast and fills me with great joy.

Full answer:

(CW: Homophobia, transphobia, dysphoria, trauma mention etc.)

For context, I was born in 1996. I graduated from high school in 2014. I was born in a North East US state. Hopefully this helps the timeline a bit in terms of what was going on in the world when I was growing up. Gay marriage would only be legalized a year before I graduated.

I first realized I was trans at age 17 (2013) a few months after a high school acquaintance of mine came out. Before that point, I had no idea what a trans person was.

In fact, my first exposure to "queerness" as a social construct was when I reached middle school and I was exposed to a horrendously homophobic environment, where peers were actively hostile to LGBT people and spread misinformation about them. Up until that point, I had never thought of myself as being “different” or was even aware that there was a stigma attached to being gay. I didn’t know “gay” people existed. I just assumed people were attracted to who they were attracted to and it wasn’t a big deal. I was actually openly queer without realizing it, having spoken about my crushes on boys and girls.

Soon I was hearing “gay” “lesbian” “bisexual” - but only in negative contexts. Suddenly, these were Bad things to be. They were insults. Being called that made you a pariah - people didn’t even want to shake your hand. I was so distressed by this that I managed to convince myself that i wasn’t REALLY queer, I had just gotten confused. Because the alternative was that I was a Bad Person, and I didn’t want to be a Bad Person. I remember being acutely terrified when I passed girls in the hallway. I didn’t want to look at them for a second too long, in fear of being labeled as a “lesbian.” I convinced myself from around age 11 (2007) to age 15 (2011) that I was Heterosexual.

At the same time, I had always distinctly felt like I was existing out-of-body. Like, my deadname always felt like it floated past me. It was something I answered to, but it was meant for someone else. I didn't recognize my own face in the mirror, and I distinctly felt like I was "acting" 24/7 - but I didn't know why this was. And, of course, when puberty hit... it was a nightmare. I'd never felt connected to the concept of "girl" or "woman" - but suddenly I had breasts, and hips, and a menstrual cycle. And this increased the already severe feelings of dissociation and not belonging.

But I had convinced myself that all teenage girls experience what I experienced. And that, in general, all people feel dissociated out of their bodies 100% of the time. I remember I used to think a lot about breast reductions, and how I was going to get one when I was older in an attempt to try and feel some sort of agency in my own body.

At age 15, I came across the word "pansexual." This made the most sense for me at the time, and I would go on to use it until earlier this year. I'll circle back to that later.

Anyway, I came out to my parents at age 16. I doubled down on unlearning internalized homophobia and (what I thought was) internalized misogyny. I got really into feminism, actually, and one of my main goals at that age was to become an activist and be someone that women and girls could look up to. I wrote dozens of papers and poems (to the annoyance of my teachers, who wanted some variety from me) about how pervasive misogyny is in society, unrealistic beauty standards in advertising, sexism in video game character design, and more.

At this time, I felt a very strong notion of being... well, this was before I knew of this terminology. I did not use these words in 2012. But "wlw" or "sapphic." Essentially, having cast off the shame of internalized homophobia forced upon me by my peers, I wanted to embrace womanhood and loving women with my all. And I wasn't noticing boys nearly as much.

...But that feeling persisted. That distinct Wrongness. And I remember clearly, I would stay awake at night and I'd wonder why. Because I'd accepted being queer. I'd accepted being a woman. So why did I still feel so out of place in my body? In my life? Surely, I'd feel at home by now? So I experimented with presentation. I chopped off my hair, dyed it, spiked it, wore a leather jacket, wore a trenchcoat, wore makeup, wore button-ups, wore floral dresses. I was all over the place, just trying to find myself.

And then I thought back to my friend. My friend who had told me he was trans. And I started reading more about transness, and watching youtube videos, and following blogs by trans people on tumblr so I could understand them more. And I bought a binder "for cosplay" (although it also was for cosplay). And I applied mascara to my jaw "as a makeup test."

And it occurred to me that I actually felt At Home when I conceptualized myself as a man. It didn't matter what kind of woman I tried to be, because all this time, I wasn't a woman. I was trying to force something that just wasn't in my nature.

And it was a difficult realization at first, but once I got over the initial feelings of fear and shame, I felt... whole. When I chose my name, Julian, I felt like a person for the first time in my life. I felt present in my own body and in my own head. Everything clicked into place for me.

I would go on to be closeted until age 18, only coming out when the dysphoria came to a head and I couldn’t hide anymore. I came out privately, to my immediate family, and then I would fully come out and begin living full-time at age 19. The change in my quality of life was immediate. Even just wearing my first “boy clothes” out and about.

I will be 27 next month and, as such, will have experienced a decade of knowing about my transness. A lot has changed about my presentation over time, as hormones and surgery and being called the right name and pronouns made me feel more comfortable in my own masculinity. Right now, I have shoulder length hair and a closet full of skirts.

It’s precisely like I observed: When I was living as a woman, as a girl, I never felt right. It didn’t matter what I looked like externally, because the framing of my identity itself was wrong. These days, I’m able to experiment with my presentation precisely because I feel at home in myself and in my body. I don’t see a woman staring back at me anymore when I look in the mirror.

There’s a short film I shared here once, where a trans man has a conversation with his boyfriend precisely about this topic. I no longer feel like I’m trying to be a man, I just am one. And now I’m able to be the kind of man I want to be. I don’t have to do whatever it is cis people think I should do. I can just... have fun with it. Be myself. Be happy. I can paint my nails if I want to.

Now, the sexuality thing... it’s complicated.

I’m of the belief that there was legitimately a point in time where I was attracted to women. But I had several traumatic experiences, and over time, the residual trauma from that wore me down. I went from being happy at the thought of, say, kissing a woman, to actively dreading it. I’ve worked through this trauma extensively with my therapist, but I’ve found that I simply do not like women in that way anymore. I do not desire romantic or sexual intimacy with them like I do with men, and, in fact, am actively repulsed by the notion.

And that was something that was really difficult for me to contend with. I would say that I’ve known that my attraction to women was gone since I was... 24? 23? But being mspec, pansexual - had been a huge part of my life up until that point, and it was very difficult for me to let go. If anything, I feel like I was experiencing a form of comphet. Like, I felt like I was Obligated, for some reason, to be attracted to women, because I was a man. But with men?

It felt easy.

What finally helped me let go, weirdly enough, was watching a scene in the final episode of Our Flag Means Death, where the main character - a gay man - comes out to his wife. It helped me recontexualize my own attraction.

youtube

"How does it feel... to be in love?"

"It feels... easy. It's just like breathing. He understands my idiosyncrasies. Finds them charming, even. We expose each other to new things, new ideas. And we laugh a lot. We just pass the time so well. I'd call those things love. I hope you find that."

"I think I have."

"Really? What's her name?"

"Ed. His name is Ed."

And, like with my transness, being able to say "I'm a gay man" has lifted so much weight off my shoulders. I feel much, much happier.

Even though I don't feel attracted to women, I still greatly respect them, and I consider myself to be an intersectional feminist.

If you read this far, thanks. And I hope that opening up in this way can help others understand themselves better, too.

#asks #anonymous

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aemoglobin · 1 year

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rose’s kpop update for may

ended up returning one of my FML albums because i got two of the same version from Targey- i didn’t realize the albums were going to be stored by version type and i didn’t want dupes (i could go into way too much detail about this part but tl;dr it was my mistake to assume the tech guys know anything about how kpop album versions work). i’m a little sad bc i got Fighting ver, which was my least fave concept, and there are NO more FML albums at my work. so fml for real lol i really wanted the pink album (forgor what it’s called). but i’ll live! 2 albums per comeback is my limit!! i won’t exceed it!!

i did buy a carat version since we had *checks my work device* 55 of this album version in the back, and the concept is soooooooooo good. i lov wedding concepts..and the pcs are so soft and dreamy....grips them tightly in my fist. i seriously wanted to buy a few more since we still have so many in stock, but like. i have to control myself. and there’s no point in buying more than one since there’s no way to tell which member’s album you’re getting. i got wonwoo’s album and that’s like, okay, i don’t know this guy from adam, but i got a woozi pc from the regular pcs SO!!! it’s a win!! my first bias pc......and he looks so cute......his butch lesbian wedding vibes lol sorry i can’t get over how cute he is

so since i returned one album i decided i’d preorder the g-idle album. unfortunately Targey doesn’t offer individual albums like B&N does, but they’re also like $7 cheaper per album (that’s before my discount, too!), so!!!!! since i like all the concepts for this comeback i’ll be happy with whatever i get. hope i get cat version because,,,, it’s cat...the concept pics for butterfly version fuck supremely though so like, if i get that one i’ll be fine too!!!

B&N does have one advantage over Targey and it’s that they carry oneus albums SO.....since i like what i’ve seen for pygmalion........i’m probably gonna preorder it. i’m waiting until the last minute for this one though bc i need to see what my finances look like for the month first lol

and speaking of B&N.................i really want to go to my local one and see what albums they still have in stock. because last time i went they had the monsta x album i’ve been searching for and i didn’t have enough extra money to get it but i still WANT it so bad lol. and if they have the fml version i’m looking for, well......no, i said i wouldn’t, so i won’t. i’ll just have to live vicariously through other people’s unboxing videos. like i have been for the past four months. i’ll be fine. i can do it. i can get one kpop album from B&N as a treat (girl who has been buying treats all year to get by). i’m aiming for either an album i don’t have or a different version of an album i already have. we’ll see what they have!!

ANYWAYS. i’m holding off on preordering from ktown for the time being because i might be moving soon and i don’t want packages to get lost in transit :/ not that i have extra money for shipping stuff but like. if i DID,,,

#rose idol chatter #kpop on main? always

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troongala · 2 years

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I apologize if you dont want to answer this, but why would a lesbian dating a man be valid ?? like and they genuinley enjoy the relationship, not forced. Same with gay men dating women ??? sorry i just dont get it/nm/srs

I think the most common situation is when there's a lesbian or gay couple and one of them ends up transitioning!! I've known a handful of lesbians who kept dating their ftm boyfriends after they transitioned because they loved them for who they were, not because of their gender. but they still called themselves lesbians because that's how they chose to define themselves. this could also apply to like, lesbians or gay men that date nonbinary ppl. nb ppl will sometimes call themselves "men" or "women" even tho they don't exactly fit into those binaries just cuz it's the most fitting label for the way they feel. so a gay man who's open to dating nonbinary ppl might date a nonbinary person that identities with a woman-adjacent label. there's also the possibility that someone might just want to identify with the label "lesbian" or "gay man" even tho they don't strictly fit within what people consider to be the criteria for those. bisexual/pansexual people might prefer to call themselves gay or lesbian because it's easier for them, or because they feel a certain connection to those labels.

TL;DR - labels are pretty fluid!! sometimes stuff happens and you don't strictly fit within the criteria of a label but you still feel the most comfortable with it so you choose to use it anyway. labelling yourself shouldn't have to be a stressful process or a game of "well, I feel like this, but I also feel like THAT, so I don't really know what to call myself". ppl shld just use whatever labels they feel fit right. and sometimes that involves lesbians dating men or gay men dating women

#that tldr is like equally as long as the other part of the post whoops lol #thanks for being so nice abt the ask!! i'm always happy to try to explain stuff when ppl ask #and if any1 thinks I could've explained it better then feel free to add

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recappers-delight · 4 years

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I AM INFURIATED!!!!

But not for the reasons you think.

How many of you watched the She-Ra panel tonight? ACTUALLY WATCHED IT?! Because I did and here's what I saw:

1. "_____ called someone the D slur"

He DID NOT call anyone that word. He used it in the context of announcing a panelist to the show. The word is IN THE TITLE of her podcast. He was literally just stating the title. That's it.

2. "Noelle said Double Trouble would be creepy around kids."

What Noelle said was that to get the inspiration for Flutterina, Double Trouble would have gone to a coffee shop, found a girl to imitate, and stare at her until they got her mannerisms down. Because of the implications here irt trans people and the stereotypes of "creeping on children", this could have been worded better. BUT this whole headcanon was in response to Noelle DEFENDING Double Trouble against the rest of the crew thinking they straight up murdered the real Flutterina. And again, problematic because of larger implications, but on the show Double Trouble IS A VILLAIN. Just because we think they're awesome doesn't mean they're not capable of shady shit. I saw very few people having a problem with this before. Other things they said about DT?

They specifically searched for a non-binary trans activist to voice the role.

Double Trouble was the whole cast's favorite character.

Everyone had a crush on them.

They support DT x Peekablue headcanon and think they should date.

3. "Noelle said Entrapta and Hordak are great representation."

Literally just did not say this. This comment was made by a fan writing in. A fan who, by the way, IS DISABLED THEMSELVES, and was writing in to thank the crew for the rep THEY saw in these characters. Noelle didn't agree or disagree at all. She goes on to give a character analysis about them both, and that's it.

4. "They made Bow's brothers slaves."

No. They didn't. It's a crew inside joke that all of Bow's brother's have pun names that rhyme with "Bow". The brother in question came from one of the other male creators making the joke "which one of Bow's brothers tills the field? Sow." Here's a pic from Noelle about the rest of the brothers.

Because of the complicated history between black people and "farm work" it's best to not make any joke at all like this. It was tasteless and misguided, but hardly a reason to grab pitchforks. Black people have the phrase "whites gonna white" for a REASON. We know there's no such thing as an unproblematic person. Creator or otherwise. Is it still wrong? Yes. Should people strive to do and be better? Absolutely. Should allies listen when POC talk about things that make us uncomfortable, and support us when WE call it out? Please, for the love of God!!! But I do not think the level of backlash the crew-ra is getting is at all warranted.

I understand I do not speak for all black people or lesbians, and I don't speak for ANY of those other groups mentioned and possibly offended, because I am not one of them. However, I felt the need to speak for myself. I am SO SICK of everyone knee-jerk reacting to every little thing that could possibly offend someone. Noelle is not perfect, but she has done a SHIT TON of work for representation and the progression of normalizing queer, inclusive stories to younger audiences. She also went to bat for a diverse cast of characters to be voiced by a diverse cast of VA.

The truly fucked up thing? There was a question someone wrote in about how a cis, straight, white person can respectfully tell the stories of underrepresented and marginalized communities. Noelle then goes on for 5 minutes about how it's difficult, and how it's more important to hold doors open for creators who actually come from those communities to be able to have their own voices heard. And this is the woman you throw flames at? Ridiculous. Our true enemies are able to so easily conquer us, because we so easily divide ourselves.

No one owes allegiance to any one fandom or creator. But we have got to start picking our battles more carefully. If we don't, people will become desensitized to our cries when REAL threats and offenses happen. And white people? PLEASE stop being so outraged at every little "off-color" remark someone makes YOU think might offend ME. I appreciate you wanting to be an ally, but you are drowning out our voices over things that really matter. That's why we get shit like musicians and sports teams changing their "racially insensitive" names, while police are STILL killing unarmed black peple in the streets without repercussions. It shouldn't be an either/or thing, but it often is, so please focus your attention on "canceling" THAT.

TL;DR: Don't just retweet and reblog everything you see without doing your own research and forming your own opinion. Speak out against bigotry, but understand when it's time attack, and when it's time to educate. Stop holding people on so high a pedestal they have no room to grow, and can only fall. Do not speak for, or louder, than the people you say you are standing up for. We can speak for ourselves. Help amplify our voices; DO NOT BECOME OUR VOICES. And finally, because we really do just have so much bigger fish to fry:

#i said what i said #she ra #she-ra #she ra panel #noelle stevenson #double trouble #entrapdak #entrapta #hordak #wlw #spop

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disastergay · 3 years

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because I keep seeing annoying takes on my dash as of late, I’m subjecting y’all to one of my own. so buckle up, because this is gonna be a loooong post.

contrary to popular belief, forcing queer kids to choose between two labels prolongs the questioning process and makes it infinitely more painful. I knew I was transmasc with a strong preference for men at age 16. but I had made a home for myself in sapphic circles. plus, every wlw I had contact with aggressively excluded any and all “male-aligned” people who “wrongfully claimed to be wlw like predators” and would talk shit about anyone they perceived as “male-aligneds invading our community” with no hesitation, completely mask off.

if I had found even one person (besides myself) who said “it’s okay to call yourself a wlw and a mlm, to try out both the ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay man’ labels at the same time” I wouldn’t have spent the past five years feeling miserable, like my place in this community was conditional and could be revoked at any time.

because this question will inevitably come up, no, I no longer identify as sapphic / wlw. that being said, I’m extremely worried for people who do. I remember doing a survey to test the waters of what “male-aligned therefore not safe” meant, and do you know what the results were? the following wlw are considered unsafe at best and downright predatory at worst:

wlw in systems with “male-aligned” alters and hosts

genderfluid wlw who are sometimes “male-aligned”

any wlw who use he/him pronouns and/or goes on testosterone

butches

to expand on one of the examples above, a solid third of the wlw who took it said wlw / lesbians with DID / OSDD who had “male-aligned” alters or hosts should not be allowed in wlw / lesbian spaces “at least while the male-aligned alter / host is fronting.” (of course, some said “not at all, they could be lying about when they’re male-aligned so just don’t let them into our spaces period.”)

and that’s what it all boils down to in the end, really—this unchallenged belief that men and “male-aligned” people are predators who lie about being women to justify deserving access to wlw safe spaces. hmm… that sounds awfully familiar for some reason. is it the blatant TERF rhetoric, or the ugly remnants of transmisogyny underneath nearly all TERF rhetoric? when you stop to think about all this talk of “male-aligneds’ entitlement to wlw spaces” critically, it’s clearly a slippery slope.

if any of this sounds like you, then listen to me: you do not get to decide who does and does not deserve access to wlw spaces based on their apparent closeness in proximity to men. you do not get to demand that someone who identifies as both mlm and wlw open up to you about the vulnerable details of questioning, or “admit they just want to use both labels for no good reason.” there is a very big difference between someone intentionally making you uncomfortable and you being uncomfortable with someone else existing as they are where you can see them—members of this community, of all people, should know that to be especially true.

TL;DR: if you think you see a man calling himself a lesbian, mind your own goddamn business.

#terf rhetoric #transmisogyny tw #transphobia #nbphobia #discourse /#long post /#rant /#vent /

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