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#the thing is I’m that type of person who never listens to song based on its meaning lmfao
hobie-enthusiast · 9 months
Note
hiii !! if it’s not too much trouble, could i request a comfort one-shot for hobes ? basically reader is at a pub watch one of hobies friends play, and there’s just too many people around and they start to have a panic attack, hobie pulls them to a quiet spot and helps them calm down. it’s okay if not, i’m just such a sucker for comfort things, especially w my bf, it’s ok if not tho !! hope ur having an amazing day/night :D
FIVE COLOURS !
— hobie brown x anxious!gn!reader
— comfort, panic attacks, implications of drinking, implications of injury, petnames, hobie being the best bf in the world, anxiety and mentions
— you truly thought you could make it, so you asked hobie to take you to a concert
— happily! this is based off my experience (i have anxiety with crowded public spaces), so apologies if it doesnt match what u had in mind 🫶
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Hobie carefully led and maneuvered the two of you inside the pub, right by the stage. The lights were colourful shades of blue and purple as the band onstage set up. Hobie called out to one of them, prompting the singer to come over to him.
You look around the venue instead of listening to the conversation. Everyone seemed happily relaxed before the show started. More continued flowing in, greeting each other like old friends.
More.. and more people..
No. You told yourself and Hobie you would be fine tonight. You assured him that you wanted to go, wanted to support his friends and hang with them. This was something you wanted to do.
“Yea, ‘s my partner.” Hobie’s voice suddenly brings you back as he slings an arm around your waist. “[Name]. Brought ‘em out tonight t’ see th’ group.”
The friend turned to you, eyes lighting up. “Righ’, heard ya talking about them. Nice t’ meet you.”
You give a small wave before turning back to analyze your surroundings. Hobie glanced at you before dismissing his friend to finish setting up.
“Aye, we can go t’ the back if ya want.” He says once you face him again.
You quickly shake your head. “No. I said I could do this. We’re here to support your friend, don’t worry for me, okay?”
As much as Hobie wanted to protest, the lights started to flicker in the pub. He sighed and gave you a nod, yet never letting his hand off of your waist.
He wouldn’t tell you, but Hobie was very worried about you. He knew what your needs were; you were someone who needed personal space and hated when strangers touched you. It was something that spiked your anxiety, leading to pretty bad panic attacks.
Hence why he was so hesitant to bring you here. But he knows. He knows how guilty you feel about it. He knows that you feel like you owe him something.
So when you asked him to bring you tonight, he reluctantly agreed.
Before he could think further into it, the band finished setting up, announcing they were starting. The music began playing and everyone around followed; singing and dancing with each other.
Hobie smiled down on you, taking your hand and twirling you in a circle gently to the music. His friend wasn’t in a heavy punk band, but rather a more mellow rock type. Hobie thought it was perfect to take you to for your first time.
A laugh escapes your lips as you spin into him, his arms encircling your waist. “Doin’ alright, sweetheart?” He whispers in your ear, loud enough so you can hear.
You nod as the two of you dance to the music together, smiles etched on your faces. You both were enjoying yourself, song after song, listening to the talented band.
At least, you were.
As the night went on, more people continued to shuffle in the pub. There was less room, and honestly you wouldn’t have noticed. But then a guy roughly shoved into you, causing you to trip right into Hobie.
He immediately sent a glare the guy’s way. “Aye, the hell’s wrong with ya?”
The man, clearly to have been drinking, responded with something about you being fine, but you couldn’t hear. You were suddenly becoming very aware of the amount of people, and how many were close to you.
Your eyes widen as you feel that all familiar feeling of the air leaving your lungs. You gasp, turning yourself to be able to reach Hobie’s hand, tugging at his fingers.
Hobie’s mind wants to immediately talk down whoever had the audacity to touch you like that. But his anger dissipated when he felt your hands tugging on his fingers and rings.
He requested that the two of you have some kind of non-verbal signal that your nerves were rising. Something he can use to easily identify the panic. And you both settled for tugging his hand, pulling in a one-two motion so he knows.
He knows you’re about to have a panic attack.
His hand immediately moves to shove the guy out of the way, tightening his hold around your waist. He quickly ushers you through the people to try and get to the door. It’s not practical, but he can’t get out otherwise.
The more people that touch you the more you spiral. It’s disgusting you. The way they all just slam into you makes you wanna scratch your arms till there’s nothing left. Just to get rid of their lingering touch you feel.
Finally Hobie makes it to the door, shoving it open and you out. You’re hyperventilating at this point, breathing erratic as you grasp onto Hobie’s vest with your free hand in tears.
Hobie leads you to the back alley behind the venue. “Shh, I know I know.. give me a second, please darlin’.”
Glancing around, he ensures the coast is clear before shooting up towards the roof of the next building, taking you both up there. He knew it was quieter than the back alley, perfect to try and help you best he can.
“Alright alright..” He whispers, keeping his tone quiet. “‘m ‘ere with ya, okay?”
Hobie’s words were there, but not quite there. You were off in your own world of panic, breathing heavy with jumbled thoughts. You instinctively fall to sit on the rooftop, hands harshly rubbing your arms to try and get the disgusting feeling away.
“No no.. aye..” Hobie speaks, taking a seat next to you and gently placing his hands on yours. “Can’t do that.. gonna hurt ‘urself ‘f ya do..” He pries them away from your arms to hold them.
You shake your head, more tears coming to your eyes. God you hated this. More importantly you hated how weak you were. Couldn’t go a single night without freaking out.
Hobie uses his hold to pull you forward, right into his lap. “Shh, ma’ch m’ breathin’.. ‘u’re safe, yeah? Safe up ‘ere.” He assures continuously.
“Aye, ‘member our game?” He whispers, hugging you close.
You’re too far out of it to form actually words right now, so you nod. Of course you remember. Accordingly he used it on anyone he helps, if they truly need it.
“Alrigh’ good.. I need ya t’ play with me.. name five things ya see, ‘kay?”
Your vision was oh so blurry, you couldn’t see anything. This made you panic more. You shook your head, sobbing into Hobie’s vest as you cried out.
He mentally slaps himself. “righ’, ‘m sorry.. ‘ow ‘bout we try..” He thinks for a minute, trying to figure out a way to ground you. “Give me.. five colours you see, ‘mm? Can ya do that, darlin’?”
Now that was more achievable. Blinking rapidly, you peek out from your closed eyes, forcing words to come out.
“Black..” You start, latching onto the colour of Hobie’s vest-jacket first. “Uhm.. B-blue? Wait no.. I..”
You feel yourself start to slip but Hobie is quick to catch you with his voice. “Stay wit’ me, mmkay..?” He whispers, hands moving to gently rub on your arms. “Three more, please sweethear’. ‘ur doin’ amazin’.”
Soon enough, you manage to get out three more colours, Hobie praising your efforts like there was no tomorrow. He moved on to the other senses; four things to hear, three things to feel, two things to smell, and finally one to taste.
The longer this went on, the better you felt. You managed to match Hobie’s breathing pattern before going back to your own. The blur in your eyes faded and you could start making out the thoughts going through your head.
“I’m so-”
“No.”
You glance up in confusion, yet sighing after. “Darling, please.. I-”
“Said no.” He responds, looking down at you with a gentle expression. “Never ‘pologize for ‘ur feelin’s. ‘m serious.”
This was the routine after each one; attempted apologies and stops, lots of quiet time, then eventually sleep. And you were both okay with that. After such an overwhelming situation it was exactly what you needed.
“We can go back in.. or you can and I can go home.” You compromise, looking down on the venue. “You shouldn’t miss out because of my stupid-”
Hobie shakes his head, again cutting you off. “‘s not stupid. And no. We’ll head out toge’er.” He assures you, standing and offering a hand to help you up.
You stare up at him for a minute before smiling. You take his hand and wrap yourself in a hug. He smiles and ruffles your hair before shooting a web, swinging back to your shared apartment. His eyes stay trained on where he swings, yet every now and then he takes peeks down to check on you.
Once you managed to make it back home, Hobie was insanely attentive to you. He told you to go shower (because everyone knows pubs and panic attacks don’t exactly leave you the cleanest). While you did that, he fixed up the room to suite your needs. He darkened it, grabbing comfortable blankets, cleaning it up, anything you need.
After you shower and settle down, he’s got you entrapped in his arms in bed, letting you lie to where your head can lie comfortably in his chest. Though the night didn’t go as he planned, he wouldn’t trade spending the end like this for anything else.
A selfish part of Hobie wishes that this part of you was non-existent. That the two of you could enjoy being out together without this ball of anxiety prodding at you. But Hobie knew that he had to help you through this. That this was hurting you more than him.
“Thank you, Hobes..” You whisper, planting a soft kiss to his jaw.
Yeah, thank-yous and kisses like that from you are his motivation to always protect you, even from yourself.
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vax-merstappen · 2 months
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f1 boys as sour songs 💜
listened to sour for the first time in a while and remembered how good olivia rodrigo’s lyrics are. had to pair my favorite group of boys with the songs on a great album. this def got a little angsty because this album is pretty much pure angst so readers beware :)
if you like this, send me more albums to do pls!
Lando Norris
enough for you-
I’m sorry to say it but he would definitely move on for someone who he thought was better than you. I could see his girlfriend trying to live up to his expectations and needs. Lando seems like he would look for “someone more exciting” and the next second he would be gone. Also he seems like he would be oblivious to you trying “so hard to be everything you liked.” He has high standards that would be hard to live up to for anyone. I’m not sure that many people could be enough for Lando and this song is so much about that.
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Oscar Piastri
driver’s license-
No because Oscar angst based on this song would go so hard. Him teaching you to drive but then you breaking up before you get your license? Sobbing… anyways. I feel like if one of the drivers were to teach you to drive, it would be Oscar. Also I can imagine driving through the suburbs with Oscar. Like maybe this is just my imagination so feel free to disagree with me, but like Oscar and driver’s license makes so much sense to me. Breaking up with him would hurt so bad omg
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Max Verstappen
1 step forward, 3 steps back-
He screams an unpredictable lover. Like I could see him getting mad at you over something small but then being literally the sweetest person ever next time you see him. Like the passion and anger he has when on the race track could become a problem in his relationships. I feel like a relationship with him could involve a bit of “do you love me, want me, hate me?” Especially Max when first started f1 fits this, I think he’s matured a lot since then and Max today doesn’t apply as much, but early Red Bull Max 100% gives the energy of this song imo.
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Charles Leclerc
deja vu-
The first driver that came to mind listening to this song was Charles. Like I hate to say it, but I see him reusing all of the romantic things he did with his exes with a new girlfriend. He would not be creative enough to come up with new ideas lol, like “everything is all reused.” Also I can see him doing “car rides in Malibu” like in his latest YouTube video and also telling “her you love her in between the chorus and the verse” since he likes music so much. I definitely see Charles angst based on this song.
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Carlos Sainz
good 4 u-
Imagining an angry breakup with Carlos right now. He would definitely make you angry when he left and I can see him just moving on as if you never existed and you trying desperately to get him to realize how he actually hurt you. Also his life seems to be going great right now like “you’re getting everything you want” and “your career’s really taking off.” He is the type of guy to get everything he wants while you loathe it from afar. This would make such a great angst fic omg, I need someone to write Carlos with good 4 u right now
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Lewis Hamilton
favorite crime-
I hate to say it, but I see him leaving to focus solely on his career. Which would lead to lines like “I watched as you fled the scene.” He would be the one to leave and would be blunt about it, leaving you feeling like a crime scene. Also come on, the line “I crossed my heart as you crossed the line,” is honestly so formula 1 coded and I can see Lewis crossing the line both physically while racing but also crossing the line in a relationship. This man would be so hard to leave and you would have been trying so hard to hold on while he was pulling away from you, like “all the things I did just to call you mine.” Ugh it hurts to say it but that’s what I’m imagining for this song :(
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Daniel Ricciardo
brutal-
It’s giving Danny Ric being dropped by McLaren. “All I did was try my best, this the kind of thanks I get?” Like Danny definitely suffered at McLaren and this song screams the angst that must have come from that. Just imagine him blasting this in the car leaving his last day there. He’s “got a broken ego, broken heart” after all that. Could also relate to his hand injury, like with “ego crush is so severe, god it’s brutal out here.” Had to have been brutal for him to get his dream back just to have it kind of crushed again when he hurt his hand. Danny Ric and brutal just fits so well imo
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Yuki Tsunoda
happier-
Ok because if Yuki ever moved on, he would be the ex I would want to be happy. But like look at that man, I would be hella jealous but want the best for him in life. It would hurt to be left by Yuki because he seems like such a genuine guy. Simultaneously wanting him to do too well but to not move on just seems like how a breakup with Yuki would go. I know I’m purely going off vibes here, but like come on! I would hope he’s happy but not like how he was with me. Would not be able to let this man go.
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Alex Albon
jealousy, jealousy-
Out of the 2019 rookies, Alex has got the worst deal. I can imagine that he would constantly be comparing himself to Lando and George who have both have a lot more podiums than he has. Also having a teammate like Max at Red Bull also must have led to a lot of thoughts about him not measuring up. The line “comparison is killing me” just screams Alex Albon. Out of all of these drivers, he gets the most compared to teammates and the other drivers who joined the grid when he did. If anyone here is jealous, it has to be Alex.
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Logan Sargeant
hope ur ok-
Logan absolutely embodies this song and I will die on that hill. He fits the physical description for “blond with eyes of salt.” I feel like Logan has had to “unlearn all of their hatred” more than a lot of other drivers, as he did have a not so great season and received a lot of negativity. I actively hope Logan is ok and that he is able to be happy despite his bad start in f1. He deserves so much better and that is exactly what this song is about.
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wait I’m so curious to the angst fic you wrote to in my feelings - ldr :0 cuz I would’ve never interpret it into an angst fic! Do you think you can publish that one too? No pressure! 💕
In my feelings - (ellie williams x reader)
Hi anon, here she is! I hope you enjoy <3
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This story is based off the song in my feelings by Lana Del Rey, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:) This was originally a smut fic. You can read it here, but this wonder anon requested a angst edition, so yes.
Pairing: ellie x fem!reader
requests are always open, feel free to leave one:)
Warnings: toxic situationship
Summary: In which you fell for a loser
Authors note: i know I've not been that active and I'm so sorry. Life has just been busy, i have to write exams, i have a surgery on Thursday so it's been tense lmao, but I'm trying. Please be patient with me <3
I'm smoking while I'm runnin' on my treadmill
But I'm cutting up roses
Could it be that I fell for another loser
I'm crying while I'm cummin'
Making love while I'm making good money
Sobbin' in my cup of coffee
'Cause I fell for another loser
"Could it be that I fell for another loser?" You asked Dina as the cigarette smoke left your plush lips.
You heard Dina snort beside you.
"probably, she looks like she could be one, and she treats you like shit" she shrugged"
you shook your head at her honesty.
It's embarrassing honestly. You truly did have a type for losers.
People who couldn't make eye contact with you. People who would fold as soon as you gave them your pretty smile. You had the control, but yet anything you had with these people weren't real love. It was purely lust. It was fun.
You liked being in control, you liked breaking them.
But with Ellie it was different.
You met Ellie at a gym.
She caught you eye immediately. She was perfect. Her autumn brown hair tied in a tight ponytail, she was wearing pink leggings with a matching sports bra. The sweat on her forehead glistening under the light of the gym.
If god was real this pretty girl would be in your bed by the end of the night
You ran on the treadmill for a while, trying to ignore the pretty girls eyes. You saw her watching you though the mirror. You felt her eyes trail down your body.
Maybe she wanted you like you wanted her.
After a while you tried leaving the gym, you lit a cigarette as you walked out, your bag hung on your shoulder.
"Hi"
you flinched at the strange voice.
Oh. It was her.
Pink tight girl.
"Hey" you responded.
You saw her gaze fall to the floor as she shyly muttered "I'm Ellie"
What a fucking loser. She couldn't even look at you.
You loved her already.
You gave her your name, and you listened as it fell from her tongue multiple time. She was testing the was your name tasted on her tongue and she loved it.
"Those are bad for you" she pointed out you shrugged
"it makes me look hot, doesn't it?" Was all you said as you took another puff, throwing your head back as the smoke filled the air.
You felt her eyes on you, and you heard her audibly gulp.
"Doesn't it Ellie?" you persisted
"yeah- yeah it does"
you gave her a smile, and before you waved goodbye she handed you a paper. With a raised eyebrow you opened it and in a messy handwriting was her number.
You looked at her and she looked away, she couldn't make eye contact with you.
All you could do was smirk, they were always so fucking easy to make nervous.
"I'll call you" you winked.
Now here you stood 5 weeks later, sobbing into a cup of coffee because you fell for a fucking loser.
Get that cigarette smoke out of my face
You've been wasting my time
While you're taking what's mine, with the things that you're doing
Talk that talk, well now they all know your name
And there's no coming back from the place that you came
Baby don't do it
you don't know what happened with Ellie.
The girl you called a loser once, the girl who fell to her knees when you smiled is suddenly a cold hearted person.
"Get that cigarette smoke out of my face" Ellie huffed as she sat across you.
You rolled your eyes before you put the cigarette out.
"Ellie calm down so we can talk"
"talk about what? You're wasting my time with this"
your jaw dropped at her words.
'What a fucking bitch' you thought to yourself.
"I'm wasting your fucking time? Ellie don't make me mad because I will fucking slap you"
she looked taken aback at your harsh words, her cheeks tined in a pink color.
Her eyes fell to the floor, and for a second you saw her.
Your Ellie.
The loser you fell for.
But she suddenly got up muttering "I will not be disrespected by someone like you", and she walked out of your apartment. The door slammed and you were left alone.
The silence was so loud.
There was no coming back from this.
The more time you spent with Ellie, the more you discovered about her. She used to be so sweet.
You remembered your first date, she couldn't even hold your hand and she constantly apologized for everything.
She was a fucking loser.
But one day someone said that Ellie was out of your league. You knew she was. Some like Ellie deserved someone better, but yet you thought she fell for you.
That day changed everything. Ellie's eyes widened at the person's comment and she was quieter than usual that day.
The next time you saw her, she was a whole new person. Her entire persona changed. Her hair, makeup, style, even the way she fucking walked changed.
You were happy that she had confidence, but you found out she was seeing other people behind your back.
Despite never being official it hurt.
You knew Ellie could talk to whoever she wanted to, but you thought you had something special.
One night when Ellie was sleeping over, you asked her the question.
"What are we?"
she never replied.
Every fucking time you brought it up, she always walked away.
What a fucking loser. What a fucking pussy.
Even today, you invited her over to talk. To see if she liked you. You needed closure because truthfully you fell for the autumn brown headed girl.
You just had to make sure.
And to hear her say that you were wasting her time was fucking sick.
She was wasting yours with her games.
And here you thought you had actually met a loser worth your time.
'Cause you got me in my feelings (catch you, it's so much right now)
Talking in my sleep again (you can whistle if you want)
Drown out all our screaming (catch you, it's so much right now)
Who's tougher than this bitch
Who's free-er than me
You wanna make the switch
Be my guest baby
I'm feeling all my fucking feelings
you wish you could sleep right now. You were tired, and you didn't have any energy for bullshit.
Ellie's rant had begun after she spotted you and Dina getting lunch earlier.
Wow so you can't breathe the air of another girl but she can fuck someone else? That's wonderful logic!
But you sat here listening to Ellie yelling at you for some reason.
You wish you could drown put her screaming.
"Ellie can you just shut the fuck up!" you yelled.
You had enough of her mixed signals. You had enough of her practically cheating on you. You were tired.
"How dare you talk to me like that-" but before Ellie could end up yelling again you got up, pushing her against the wall.
"How dare I? How dare you! You fucking lead me on for weeks, then you freak out when I hang out with another girl! Ellie you are really fucking stupid" you said though heavy breathes.
Ellie stared at you with wide eyes.
There she is.
The girl you thought you had a chance with.
You took a step back, shaking your head and chuckling.
"You really are a fucking loser, how could I fall for someone like you?" You asked yourself.
Ellie heard.
She got up walking to you, she placed her hands on your shoulders "i-i like you. A lot. I just didn't know how to express myself- and- you made me so nervous so I thought I could make you j-jealous"
you shrugged her hands off your shoulders and you took another step back.
"That's not how relationships work Ellie, you ruined this yourself"
"Please listen-"
"get the fuck out"
Ellie sighed before she got up. She was on her way to the door, and she looked back at you for the last time.
"smoking is bad for you" she said with a sad smile.
You chucked at her words before responding "it makes me look hot doesn't it?"
"It really does"
you watched as Ellie walk out the door, you lit another cigarette.
As the smoke filled the air, like it has countless times before. you let out a sigh at the realization: you fell in love with another loser.
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kelp-dreaming · 10 months
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Talk Too Much
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pairing: Kendall Roy x F!Reader
summary: You have a habit of rambling too much, Kendall finds a way to fix that.
genre: fluff!!!
word count: 1.3k
tags/warnings: swearing, that’s about it this time! 
a/n: based off the song “Talk Too Much” by COIN. Wrote this for a friend, probably not super show accurate since I haven’t watched it yet (i know i know) 
You never really knew when to shut up. You’ve always been a talker; a nervous talker, an excited rambler, an angry babbler, the list could go on. And typically people like the Roy’s did not like being interrupted, but somehow they decided you were alright. At least Kendall, your boss, (not that he ever really acted like it) let it slide. 
You sat fidgeting with your dress, pinching and plucking at all the folds in the fabric. 
“Oh this always happens with this type of fabric,” you pouted, smoothing your manicured nails against your waist. One thing that was always a perk to being forced into these stupid things was that Kendall spared no expense to make sure you looked the part. What part? Who knows at this point. 
Your relationship with Kendall Roy was… unconventional, to say the least. Technically, you were hired as some kind of PR manager when shit hit the fan with him, which seemed to happen every twelve seconds. But that title was quickly forgotten and honestly, you just kind of became a paid personal assistant slash arm candy. Which, to be frank, was a lot more difficult than one would think. 
But here you were, shifting back and forth against the luxurious leather seats and making sure you weren’t going to accidentally flash anyone as you stepped out. 
You continue to ramble, “--It’s just like, why does satin feel so nice, but also makes me feel like I’m a stuffed sausage. It’s really insane to think about the the ways women are–”
“Jesus,” Kendall finally groans, running his hands over his face, he turns and addresses you, “listen, you look great. Please, for the love of God, shut up for like 10 minutes.” 
Heat rises immediately in your cheeks, tinging your nose and tip of your ears with pink. You wring your hands together, rings clicking against each other. Your voice is soft, “I’m sorry.” 
You’re staring down at your knees, one exposed because of the slit that goes up the side of your dress, when you see Kendall’s hand grip your bare knee lightly, giving it a light squeeze. A bolt of electricity flies up your spine, and you do everything in your power to stop your body from breaking out into goosebumps, to no avail.
“Hey,” Kendall presses, trying to get you to look at him, “it’s alright, just– just relax.” 
You blink at him. He’s trying to comfort you. He’s never really been good at it, but the effort is enough to ease some of your nerves. You offer him a soft smile. His hand lingers on your skin, and you swear you can feel his thumb begin to rub small circles against your skin. But before you can know for sure, the car comes to a halt, signaling that you were at your destination. When he removes his hand, you suddenly feel very, very cold. 
“Well,” he sighs, “let’s get this fucking over with.” Looking back at you, he adds, a playful smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth, “If we do this right, we can probably get out of here in an hour.” 
He exits the limo, reaching back inside for your hand, which you eagerly take. You slide across and out of the limo, Kendall taking extra care to stand in front of you as you exit so that no paparazzi can get a “money shot” up your skirt. You smile up at him. 
“When did you become a gentleman?” You challenge, snaking your hand around his elbow. 
Kendall just offers you a small shrug, his face stony. It normally is when he’s around the press, so you’ve learned not to take it too personally. Expertly, Kendall is able to navigate you both through the crowd and into the gala. 
You’re immediately bombarded with loud music and lights. Oh, it’s one of those galas. Your grip on Kendall tightens as you enter the room. He brings his other hand over yours, giving it another reassuring squeeze. 
He leans his lips to your ear, “One hour, I promise.” Before he pries your hand off of him. You don’t mean to, but you pout. You pout. Like a silly fucking school-kid. 
“What am I supposed to do? What if I get lost? What if I get drugged here, Ken? What if you can’t find me and then you leave without–” 
He cuts you off by saying your name, his hands gripping your shoulders. Another round of goosebumps, as if this couldn’t get more embarrassing. 
“You’re fine, go grab a drink, shmooze, or– I dunno, sit in a fucking corner. But I will not leave you. I’ll find you, okay?” 
You bite your lower lip nervously, but after a moment you give him a nod. He releases you and disappears into the crowd. Letting out a shaky breath, and smoothing your clammy hands over your curves, you make your way over to the open bar. 
And that’s where you stay for nearly an hour. Scrolling on your phone, sipping your third Dirty Martini, when you feel a familiar presence. Looking up you see Kendall making his way toward you. He looks… relaxed. A very rare sight to see, especially lately. When he meets you at the bar, you can’t help but flash him a bright smile, relief washing over you. 
“Have you been here this whole time?” Kendall asks, before ordering himself a club soda. 
“Mhm,” you respond sipping at the liquor, suddenly feeling very nervous about drinking around him. 
“You can drink,” he reassured, as if he could hear your thoughts, “I don’t mind.” 
“Are you sure? I can dump it, or–or–” 
Kendall puts his fingers over your lips, silencing you. You’re not quite sure what has gotten into him, he’s rarely as handsy as he’s been all night. Not that you're complaining, you’ve been lost in his deep eyes since day one. 
“You’re doing it again,” Kendall retorts, “You’d think that a drink would–” 
“Three,” You corrected. 
He raises his brows, “well then especially after three drinks, you’d be a bit less…” he gestures at you, “this.” 
You stiffen. “What do you mean?” Your eyes prick with tears. “I-I can go– I’m sorry.” 
“No, no, no,” Kendall rushes to reach for you. He lets out a huff of a laugh, “There’s nothing wrong. You just… you talk a shit ton.” 
“You’ve known this for how long at this point, Ken? I can’t help it, I just don’t know how to tone it down. I know it’s obnoxious, I know it’s annoying and that I’m not being paid to talk your ear off all the time. I just get so pent up. And now I’m rambling again and– God– I just don’t know how to stop it–” 
As you continue to ramble, your hands now in on the conversation as you speak animatedly, Kendall sets down his club soda in a matter-of-fact kind of way, a determined nod as he does so. He turns to you, nodding along with your babbling before placing his warm hands on your cheeks and pulling your mouth to his. 
Eyes wide, you freeze, before your eyes flutter shut and you melt into the kiss. His lips are soft, softer than you’d imagined. There’s a type of reverence to the kiss, as he cradles your face in his hands. It feels like it’s something you both had wanted to do for so long. 
What feels like too soon, he pulls away. His eyes search yours, hands still cupping your now incredibly flushed cheeks. You can see the ways his eyes crinkle with a small smile. 
“Hey,” Kendall finally breaks the silence. 
“Hi,” you breathe out. 
“You okay?” 
You can only respond with a nod. Too shocked to speak, which is a first. 
“If I knew kissing you would shut you up for a fucking second, I would’ve done this more often.” He chuckles, before slinging an arm around your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss on your temple. 
321 notes · View notes
hon3ymo0n · 5 months
Text
You really make it sound like I’m a huge, global, brave pop star.
When I said that listening to Golden after that draining trip I took felt like fresh air, I meant it. And the more I listen to it, the more I nod. That’s right, that’s completely right. These guys music, no matter how personal or not, how deep or not, is fresh air to me.
Details and specific dynamics are not known to me, so me being completely wrong about this has a high chance. Everything is based on my personal opinions and thoughts endlessly running through my mind, as a fan and nothing more, nothing less. If queerness, arguable companies and CEOs talks or forms of non-support towards people Jungkook’s working for/with scare you, don’t read this.
Yesterday this collage showed up to me.
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Golden is the album I was not expecting to receive when every member announced their solo activities, and when JJK1 started being rumored. It was a surprise, not only for the people involved in it, from the few good ones, to the zionists and money sucker dancer and “producer”🛴, or for the “all English” choice, but also for the way Jungkook approached it.
And I’m not talking about his image or vibe. We all knew a 25 (at the time) man, who has been working in a crazy industry for a decade, leaving his family at an early age and living by 3 instant ramen portions a day, was not only a baby puppy boba boy floating on a cloud. Who really payed attention knew Jungkook was grown up. Had grown up, from a long time.
I’m talking about the courage. About the way Jungkook probably spent hours talking to himself, wondering if what he’s doing is right, is gonna be appreciated, criticized, seen, ignored, liked, disliked. From the lyrics to the melodies, from the MVs to the promotions. The versions, the remixes, the collaborations. He’s watched, constantly, all the time. Everyone’s eyes are on him, and he knows that. He’s aware. The pressure he must have felt has no comparison in his career, to me. BTS are used to it (even though I think you can never really get used to that type of life, if you stay humble as BTS do), and Jungkook got “used” as well, as a part of the band, but not as a soloist.
When I say Jungkook was not used to the pressure as a soloist, I’m not saying anything he didn’t show himself. I still remember his lives, maybe dizzy maybe not, saying he doesn’t care if people hate him. That the only ones he cares about are the people he loves and love him back, period. Saying he thought a lot about the lyrics, the explicitness, wondering if he should do it or not. No artist in the fucking 21st century should be afraid of singing the word “fucking” in a song, at the age of 25/6. That was embarrassing as a fandom.
Not to talk about the hate and threats the women he worked with got.
So you see, that confident and “so what” Jungkook we saw didn’t come out of nowhere. He didn’t wake up one day and decided to turn around and ignore everyone who was spitting shit on him. That was the result of a process that probably started as soon as he recorded Dreamers, or maybe even earlier, and will probably last forever. A process through which Jungkook is and will always be reaching small-big goals, and it’s his self respect and mental sanity journey.
He had to tell people he doesn’t care, even if I think a deep part of him does, and it’s normal. He had to tell us he’ll keep doing what he wants to do (we’ll come back on this “doing what he wants” thing later on this post) even though that probably scared him.
Jungkook had to pat his own head and shoulders and tell himself he could do it, which is not easy when what you’re approaching is new and difficult. Because even if his members were always gonna support him, from home or more afar, he was the one who had to take those flights. He was the one who had to talk to strangers, speaking a language he doesn’t master and that can be really hard to manage for someone who’s not used to it and didn’t study it. He was by himself in those dressing rooms he used to share with the other 6, and so he was when he put his BTS in-ears on, or when he held his mic, or when he sang without the dancing crew. When he made mistakes or when he came back to the hotel room, at night.
He was by himself during lives, or when fans pushed him in the airport, or when he had to record songs and interact with western producers and teams.
I’m not saying Jungkook didn’t enjoy the process. I always said one of the reasons why Jungkook probably chose this solo path was because of the doors it was gonna open for him. The three main tracks with different styles and different MVs he wanted, arrived; the improvement, the learning, the meeting new people and travelling, the achievements. The fucking big achievements.
But it’s clear that, just like everything, the good and bad sides coexisted. And even if Golden is Jungkook’s moment and already had tons of shit surrounding it, I can’t help myself from talking about it, after a long time.
There were also a lot of hate and hard pills to swallow surrounding JK, and the only way to survive through that dehumanizing system was to strengthen himself. Go live, and tell everyone he doesn’t care anymore. Looking at the paparazzi’s camera while smoking. Keep singing the songs he likes and dancing the way he wants to.
They’re small things, if you think about it. Saying “fuck” in a song or smoking a cig in the streets. But not for Jungkook. Those small things needed to be stated, to be confirmed, to be shown. Otherwise, Jungkook was gonna be trapped forever. So he’s probably still scared, his mind is probably still asking itself questions all the time. He was still shaking during the beautiful Apple Music interview, and he still apologizes when mistakes are made, even if it’s not his fault. He tries to be gentler and more self-indulgent, but it’s not easy. It’s not easy to tell yourself “it’s fine” when everyone has expectations on you, yourself more than others, and when you’ve been used to flog and overwork yourself and your body for ages. Jungkook’s trying, y’all. I think he’s trying, and that’s enough.
So at the end of the day the thing that makes me sad is the way some people will never get it, and the way BTS will always be belittled or mistreated by someone, let it be a company, a show, or fans. But what makes me feel better is knowing that nothing in this world can be loved and appreciated by every single human being. There will always be someone who turns their head the other way or rolls their eyes. And for each one of those people, there are 10 more who actually support and show up for BTS in any way they can. That’s what makes both Bangtan and us go on: the mutual recognition and respect. Together with the love, the protecting, the supporting, the comforting, all coming from those who can be really, really called ARMYs.
And also the achievements, if you let me. The #1 and prizes coming from left and right, reminding us the world sees them, and that if a part doesn’t, that doesn’t mean their hard work is not being paid off. Reminding us BTS do feel valued and appreciated, and that when they don’t, it’s our job to point that out. I mean, it’s not their or our fault if people or grammys don’t know or consider what’s known as the biggest boy band in the world, or if many of them listen or hum to their songs without knowing BTS wrote it, is it? And it’s not our fault if people don’t recognize BTS’ involvement in songs’ writing and producing.
A part of the world ignoring it is not the issue, I think. Some people still don’t know who Paul McCartney or Brian May are, anyways. Some bigs are such even without everyone’s approval, and even though that’s a paradox. BTS don’t need everyone.
So when I saw that Jungkook picture, the one at the beginning of the post, I felt like Jungkook finally made it. We knew he made it when his sleeping lives got more public than a concert, when he reached the #1 on hot billboard, or when he became Calvin Klein’s global ambassador, but that Time Square performance confirmed it. All those people gathered and waited for a show that was not even announced yet. All those people assumed Jungkook was gonna be there, taking the risk of being disillusioned. Even if Jungkook’s appearance was quite obvious, they had no public statement. That’s what also means, to me, being a huge global pop star. Connecting and reuniting people to see you, listen to your music or dance along, without calling them. Making people show up for you, to support you, without asking. If from home or in front of the stage, doesn’t matter.
As someone who witnessed BTS in a way less famous and world-wildly appreciated and requested state, I can say that no matter how big things get, how they change, how they improve or get tough, they’ll be who they are. Jungkook will scream “pomichodai” in Time Square just as usual; he’ll giggle if he wants to, make silly faces or moves. The environment will ask him and BTS to change, to fit in, to smooth their corners.
And they can give it to them, to an extent. They can wear a coat they don’t like just for partnerships, or take part in advs they probably don’t like, or sometimes do cute/childish poses for pictures even if they’d like to pass.
But they won’t, ever, in this lifetime, change their nature. They’ll pave the way instead. Take the consequences and fight those battles so that people coming after them won’t have to. And that’s what makes their success special, unique, golden.
That’s what made Jungkook’s album Golden. The way everything was going against him (get what I mean, get what I mean, please) and he still did it.
The fact that every circumstance was asking Jungkook to show up as a reckless playboy, showing said attitude, but he showed up instead and told us to not read the songs as his personal life experiences or as autobiographical, because none of that happened. He didn’t wish he hated someone he loved, he doesn’t have a girl who knows how he likes it, he unfortunately doesn’t get it seven days a week (I mean, how could he, with these schedules), and none girl’s mama ever told her to not reply to him. He never told someone he wasn’t gonna lie and lied again;
the fact that everything wanted him to stay puppy and cuddly but savage on stage, cute and silent but appealing behind the microphone;
the fact that he basically had to choose a project that, from a lyrics-expressive point of view, is not true to himself.
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And that’s what comes to my mind, always, when I think of Jungkook as brave. I talked about what I’m gonna unfold in my 3D post, but the album was not out yet and a lot of things were still hidden at the time. Not that everything is clear and out now, anyways.
And I also love to know what you think about it, since we never really mentioned it on here. I never opened a space to do so, since the topic is… uneasy.
When I say that Jungkook is brave, I mean to say that he’s seen as the golden goose and milch cow. Denying that means being blind, denying it to protect Jungkook means not giving him validation, since it’s not a Jungkook problem, and it’s, paradoxically again, one of the hardest and heaviest positions to be in, in the K-pop music industry.
The company treats him that way (you decide if that’s a bad thing or not, if he deserves it or not, you do you), and Bang PD’s clearly betting on him to reach that melting between K-pop and the western industry. It’s business, and money are the main motor of it, of course. Even if Jungkook’s doing it with passion and self sacrifice, with love and commitment, the whole plan for them is to make money. And they never hid it, honestly. They never hid the things they’d will to do just to get their pockets heavier.
With that being said, and provided that this is not Jungkook’s fault or something to blame him for, I can add that even if it looks like it, it might, being the chosen one won’t always be a good thing.
From the positive side, Jungkook’s full of potential. His voice is versatile, I mean, listen to Standing Next to You and Somebody immediately after. Then play Closer to You and then Hate You. You’ll probably feel like they’re not by the same person.
His voice is simply made to sing great songs and make art. That’s what I love the most about Golden: his vocals. The background ones, the choruses, the way it changes, it flows, the way he improved it. As a listener (and not as an expert) Jungkook’s voice is ears, mind and heart pleasing.
His body is precise when he dances. His feet, his moves, the coordination, the confidence. They all mix up and give a great, great, great performance. Jungkook stands out, no matter if live, if practice, if pre recorded, if it’s cold or not. The IHeat Radio performance made me loose my mind, to the point that I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears anymore. “Is he really singing live? The voice stability? The dance break? The clothes, the style, the mastery?”
His attitude is warm even when he’s being manly and assertive, deep gaze and crotch holding. It involves you, he involves you. He’s a born performer.
He resists. His stamina, precision, strength and willingness are admirable. You’ll never catch him being bored or tired of performing, even when he probably is.
Probably so many other things could be added, but you got my point. Jeon Jungkook is Jeon Jungkook. Not to mention his personality and his charisma.
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Now I’m not gonna talk about the expectations and pressure on your shoulders when your fame is to be good at everything, golden maknae. But I do want you all to notice how big the role it played in Jungkook’s solo path is. How fucking big and scary it is. And how, at the end of the day, balance is always the solution, since being treated as too golden, or too not golden, are bad in the exact same way.
Jungkook, ready or not, did it. Is doing it. He’s great, he shows up, he sings, he travels, he smiles and entertains, he never disappoints. But at the same time, his reputation and the way he’s percieved and thought of are his condemnation.
I’m not getting philosophical, I’m being realistic. Because for what I see and how I see it, Jungkook probably had options, everyone has it. There’s no way he was forced to choose Seven, 3D, Golden, English songs and collaborations. But when the options you’re given are not tempting, you’ll be led to choose the best one. The one that looks and is presented to you as the best one. For you, and the people you’re working for.
As I already said, Jungkook had troubles with working when Chapter 2 began. We can make assumptions, but we’ll never really know the reasons: he just couldn’t. Spent a lot of time at home, watching TV, looking for inspiration that probably arrived but not fully, not to make an album out of it, or probably didn’t.
On the other side, military was coming and he needed to put something out. Even if it was hard. Even if it was kinda late. So Seven got him out of that couch-bed loop, but the rest was already decided. He has everything it takes to become that huge global pop star, the vessel that will make that US-K “dream” that people around him are seeking. None except Jungkook, under BH and BangPD, did it. None.
So again, I’m not saying Jungkook’s not enjoying the process. He’s gaining everything he wanted to, and everything he deserves. Even if the album was not written by himself, so there’s no personal and emotional involvement, the rest was up to him. Jungkook and Jungkook only. And he worked hard, for that.
He managed to change his image and show a mature side of himself. He managed to sing in English, learn lyrics, reach a bigger audience and make so many steps closer to his dream realization. He obtained recognition, confidence, lessons. I’m sure Jungkook’s not the same professionist he was back in June.
At what cost he gained all of it and more, it’s partially known. At the cost of not being able to express himself fully, which may not be a burden to him, at the moment. Just like actors play roles that don’t reflect who they are in real lives, Jungkook’s giving us performances and telling us stories through his songs that don’t represent his real life experiences. It’s not an automatic bad thing. We don’t know how Jungkook feels about it.
But, for some reason, he wanted us to know. He wanted ARMYs to know. Jungkook’s thought of people seeing him in the way his company’s pushing him to be seen, bothered him. He embraced some of it, such as the grown vibe, the concepts, he surely likes a big part of the project they planned.
But not the heterosexual and womanizer one. And that’s the first hint that tells us Jungkook is good at interpreting things he didn’t live in first person: that’s how much Jungkook loves his work and engages in his passion. To the point of putting a part of himself to rest.
So he softly, gently reminded us, that he’s just telling relatable stories that seem universal and can make people feel like someone got their back. He reminded us he just followed the director’s indications, and that he was a robot in his interaction with the feminine figure in the music video.
That’s what I mean when I say that Jungkook, up to a certain point, can really do whatever he wants. He escalated positions through time so that the bare minimum was given to him. BTS did it. So when BigHit says “Jungkook’s golden moments”, Jungkook replies.
“That’s not my life, not my golden moments”.
And I get mad, hella mad at people who say that the golden free maknae should do this and that, speak up about this and complain about that, tell people this and that, come out, explain everything, justify, make things clear, open up.
He’s still under a company.
There are things he doesn’t control, he has no power over. His privilege as a successful and wealthy artist still takes things away from him. His privilege can not place him at the top of the pyramid.
He still has a contract, he still has things he can’t mention, can’t do, can’t say. He still is a public figure, he still has responsibilities, he still needs to be careful.
At least, I’d be glad, if people listened to what Jungkook can say. To the why he tries to deliver it, to the way he tries to open up. The way he tries to smooth that industry’s dark side just to feel closer and true to us. Instead of blaming queer people and artists for their choices, support them and their decisions, trust their process, stay by their side in the meanwhile. Understand that the weight they have to carry is havier than the one everyone else’s carrying, to achieve their dreams and do their same job. Stop judging artists, stop judging BTS, stop judging queer people. We know what’s best for us, our safety, and the people we love’s.
So of course he could choose. He could have chosen a Korean album, just to please people’s expectations of him following his hyungs’ steps and staying “true to his roots”, (for which I think his company was not gonna provide as much support and resources as an English one), in a short time, renouncing to those western opportunities. Renouncing to gain indipendence and value, respect and esteem in such a conservative, heteronormative, racist and *phobic environment.
Jungkook’s current choices are brave, even if everyone else says otherwise.
Of course he could have said no, I don’t know the other options he was given, but I’m sure he could. But that was also gonna have consequences, from every point of view and every perspective (practically). So out of every option, the Western one was presented to Jungkook as the best one. And he chose it. At the end, Jungkook is satisfied by what he’s doing. He wants to do it. I’m sure the convo is deeper and more complicated, but that’s the juice: Jungkook chose it.
Is Jungkook also aware? He probably is. Being “used” or not, being drained or not, money seekers or not, he chose, at the end. And he was brave for it, and that’s why we support it: because Jungkook’s choices are trustworthy and need and deserve sustainment.
He’s also brave for allowing his company to earn an insane amount of money while being thrown in the US. He’s brave for accepting and metabolizing that, for now, his personal fears, emotions, and everything I’m sure he has to say, can not be delivered.
And we should also ask ourselves if Jungkook’s ready to deliver what he has to say, or not. If he’s ready to code everything and make everything doubt worthy, allusive, implicit, like Jimin did (not implicit to me at all, actually, those pictures and colors scream bisexual from miles away; but not everyone gets it). If he’s ready to be misunderstood and criticized again and again for who he is, having to go through what Jimin went through, and risking writing an heartbreaking emotional romantic song, that everyone’s gonna address as “for ARMYs”, and few people are gonna listen to and value for the confidential confession it is.
We should ask ourselves if Jungkook’s ready to show us vulnerable sides of himself. Because when he did, y’all, crying on that live, Jungkook just needed silence and support, and instead people crossed the line and disrepected his feelings. Because this fandom is so good at streaming and reaching those charts’ peaks, so good at showing up, at buying, at defending and protecting, at cancelling, but when it comes to the other side, that other side, even the big ones shut up or deny it. Even the big ones pretend that didn’t happen, turn to the other side, leave the guys alone. The same people who silently support non existing romantic interactions or don’t recognize an existent and persistent form of romantic love in actually existing in the band.
And that’s why I support Jungkook’s Golden. Because he is professional, he is brave, he is strong. And because he gets weak and shows it. He feels unsafe and says it. He wants to feel connected to his fans and does as much as he can to keep that connection authentic. Because that’s probably not an easy position to be in, and his role is not an easy one to carry on the back.
At the end of the day, what I really know, is that I’m by Jungkook’s side and by BTS’ side. Always been, always’ll be. I’ll never judge their choices because I trust them, I’ll always hear them and listen to them when they ask me to. I’ll always remind myself that despite what revolves around BTS, people’s mistakes and bad behaviors, things are never easy as they seem. There are a lot of things we don’t know, as fans, and not everything is or can always be transparent.
Jungkook’s choices are his, have been made, he’s proud of himself. It makes me happy to know that this mentally harsh position Jungkook’s in will pay him off, and I can only hope that some people he interacted with won’t be close to him anymore. I hope that despite his reputation, he will be given options to achieve great things without having to deal with bad people. With people who don’t deserve him, who act like they want the best for him but actually cover the shit under the rug.
I hope K-pop stays K-pop with that capital K, and gains validation and recognition as a Korean genre, without being victim of discrimination and exclusion. Not white, not european, not english or american. I hope people support and stream Golden, and stop judging Jungkook for his choices, or for the way he got treated compared to his hyungs. I hope people look into things when we are given tools to do so, and step back when we’re lost and don’t have the right to speak up about it anymore. I wish we all were good at being fans just like when we show up to a surprise event and make history.
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Jungkook’s brave. Going through it, completely, fully, just to achieve that damn dream. He is an individual, and he demonstrated how capable he is of handling by himself hardships and difficulties. He’s the one who should be pretentious, mad, angry, if he feels like it, not the people who judge him and throw him in the trash. And we should always, always ask ourselves what were the extreme conditions leading him to choose such an “extreme” path. Wear someone’s shoes first, and then point your fingers at them.
Thank you for reading my useless two cents, really. Enjoy Golden, enjoy JK💜 The huge global pop star, who finally and officially made it. Even though not everything behind it is bright. Even though a lot of you didn’t want him to.
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nikoboop · 1 month
Note
Hey again 😈😈
Vox x masc!reader but they are both the biggest attention whores to ever exist and both of them get a little pissy if they don’t get any attention
Like Vox just woke up and wanted to grab some coffee and the reader was upset cause he didn’t get a good morning kiss
Or the reader is on their phone and didn’t notice Vox coming back home, so Vox snatches his phone and gets down on his lap
Mine - Vox x masc!reader
A/N: Hi!! First of all I’m really sorry if it’s not exactly what you meant but i kind of used this to cope lmao, the reader is heavily based off of me in this one so sorry if it’s also not very relatable lol, but I hope you enjoy anyway!
Word count: around 600
sorry this one’s a bit shorter :[
it’s also very sappy so read at your own risk-
Here’s the song i was listening to on repeat while writing this in case you all want to listen to it :]
It was around 9.30pm and you were laying in bed, snuggled up to your precious boyfriend. He was scrolling on his phone while you laid on his chest. This honestly made you a bit sad, you wanted all of his attention on you and only on you, not some stupid ass phone. So you got on top of him and put your head right between the screen of his phone and his face.
He gives you a genuine smile, he knows you need a lot of attention, and so does he. Vox puts the phone on the nightstand and pulls you closer as you rest your head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, it made you feel safe.
You couldn’t even express how much you loved this man, he was such an important part of your life, you just couldn’t imagine living without him anymore.
He gave you a little kiss on the forehead, then on the tip of your nose, and then finally your lips met his. The kiss was just what you needed, you loved affection, you needed it. Vox was the only one who has ever made you feel so loved, mainly because he had the same problem, he was just as much of an attention whore as you where.
Once he came back home to see you typing something on your laptop, probably some work stuff, you didn’t even notice when he came in. He saw how stressed you looked, so instead of making a scene about it, he gently took the laptop away from you and sat on your lap instead.
This made you so genuinely happy, seeing that he needed you just as much as you needed him. He seemed exhausted, you just held him close. “Long day?” you asked quietly and he just nodded. He would always try to get even closer to you, which was pretty much impossible most times.
Moments like those made you want to stop time and just stay like that forever, you wished it was possible. Sometimes you would cry over it, you knew it was stupid, but you never wanted those moments to end.
The both of you really liked watching shitty horror movies together and laugh at how stupid the people in them were, it was one of your favourite things to do. You would just hold each other, with a bowl of popcorn on the small table in front of you, giggling and yelling at the characters.
And when there were times you couldn’t fall asleep, he’d always play your favourite songs and cuddle you. But when he couldn’t sleep you’d usually tell him stories that you’d always make up when you were bored, he would always be surprised at how amazing your imagination was.
Let’s just say that Vox is actually a very soft person on the inside, he’s been through a lot, and so have you. The two of you were practically a perfect match. Even if you sometimes thought you didn’t deserve to be his boyfriend, he would always reassure you. He was exactly what you needed, you finally felt like your life was going in the right way.
Vox would also sometimes doubt himself, yes he used to be a huge walking red flag, but you helped him work on it, although he still had some issues with jealousy. But you didn’t mind, it made you feel wanted. You both had your own issues, and that was okay, the important part is that you were always there for each other. He was yours and you were his. You couldn’t have asked for more.
A/N: it’s a bit sappy i knowwww, i’m just too lonely LMAO, i’ll be working on the rest of the requests tomorrow!! anyways tho hope you have a good day/night peeps <3
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mvybanks · 11 months
Note
Hey,congrats to the 2K!!!!
Your writing is immaculate,absolutely loving it!
╰┈➤ 🎵—> boring! let’s listen to some music!! : send me a song and i’ll write something based on it
May I request ‘Sure Thing’ by Miguel for JJ?
omg thats so sweet!!! thank you so much!!!!! (i added a sentence from a book series i read because it was too beautiful)
2k celebration CLOSED!!!
╰┈➤ 🎵—> boring! let’s listen to some music!! : send me a song and i’ll write something based on it
If you be the cash
I'll be the rubber band
You be the match
I will be a fuse, boom
Painter, baby, you could be the muse
I'm the reporter, baby, you could be the news
'Cause you're the cigarette and I'm the smoker
We raise a bet 'cause you're the joker
Checked off, you are the chalk
And I can be the blackboard
You can be the talk
And I can be the walk
warnings: drugs (weed), shotgunning
JJ Maybank has always been the reckless type.
He doesn’t care about anyone’s opinion, it’s his life after all, why would he care about what others think of him, right?
Well, that rule has never applied to you. Everyone knows that JJ has a soft spot for his best friend, the only person that can make him change his mind and turn his own life upside down just to make you happy. His love for you is not a secret, at least not to anyone who has ever noticed the way he looks at you and cares for you.
You’re his other half, a part of him that he never knew he was missing until he met you. Attached to the hip everywhere you go, everyone knows to never mess with JJ’s girl; it’s an unspoken rule that you’re his and God forbid anyone else dares to lay a finger on you, unless they want to lose said finger.
You’re sitting on the roof of your house, admiring the stars above you and resting the back of your head on your best friend’s chest, completely unaware that his eyes haven’t even dared to look at the sky, too busy gawking at you. He wordlessly hands you the blunt that he was holding between his fingers and you smile up at him as you accept it. With his now free hand, he decides to take your hand and bring it to his lips to softly kiss your knuckles.
“What was that for?” You breathe out, short of air due to the simple but heartwarming act.
He shrugs, “didn’t need a reason.”
A moment passes before he decides to speak again; “you wanna shotgun?”
You raise your head by putting your weight on your elbows and nod at him. He whispers a sweet ‘c’mere’ and helps you shift in order to place your legs on either side of him, straddling him as he sits up from his position. He steals the blunt from your fingers and brings it to his lips without ever breaking eye contact with you, and although he looks confident, the closeness is making his whole body feel like it’s on fire.
Once he takes a hit, he places his palm on your cheek and, with his thumb, he brushes your bottom lip, signaling for you to give him access and you oblige immediately. He lets the smoke into your mouth, almost sighing at the feeling, as you wrap your hands around his neck to bring him closer.
“What are you thinking?” You whisper into the night air when you notice his closed eyelids.
He reopens them and shakes his head, attempting at forgetting everything he wants to do with you right now; “‘s nothing, sorry.”
Your fingernails gently scrape his scalp, up from the bottom of his head and then down again, causing him to groan at the wonderful feeling that is your touch. Chuckling lightly at his reaction, you brush your nose against his, “tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong when I’m with you, you know that.”
You playfully roll your eyes at him, although you’re not able to hide your grin.
“Something is bothering you,” you press your lips on his cheek, letting the kiss linger a little bit longer to be just an encouraging one, “you can always talk to me, J.”
“Not about this.”
“Why not?” You furrow your eyebrows.
“Because you wouldn’t like what I have to say.”
“Try me.”
He leans in until his lips brush against your ear, causing a shiver to run through you. His hot breath hits your skin and you close your eyes at the feeling; he always manages to make you a flustered mess.
“I wish I could kiss you,” he whispers, not missing the way you gasp at his words. “I wish I could beg just one off you, under the stars,” he softly leaves a kiss on your earlobe, “because I know that nothing could ever stop me then.”
“J?”
“Yeah?” And that shit eating grin you love so much is back on his face.
“Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.”
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ro-is-struggling · 1 year
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I'm Not in Love || Stephen Strange x Reader
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Summary: You are not in love with Stephen Strange, he is insufferable and does nothing but get on your nerves every time he opens his mouth. So why do you feel some type of way every time he mentions Christine’s name?
Warnings: enemies to lovers, love confessions, teasing, fluff 
English is not my first language
Word count: 1400
Based on the song lyric prompt 9: “I'm not in love // So don't forget it // It's just a silly phase I'm going through” (I’m Not in Love by 10cc) from my 600 FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION prompt list
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'Just admit it, you're in love with Stephen Strange.'
The words of your friend Wanda echoed in your head since she had spoken them hours ago. It was ridiculous, you hated Stephen. He was arrogant, pretentious and a control freak who drove you crazy from the moment you had arrived at the Sanctum Sanctorum to learn how to handle your powers. He had a horrible personality and you hated everything about him. He brought out the worst in you and you brought out the worst in him, something that led you to spend most of your time fighting. 
You couldn't be in the same room together for more than ten minutes without ending up arguing about the stupidest things. Something about him awakened in you a need to contradict him on everything, even when you knew he was right. You couldn't help it, you hated to see the arrogant smile he seemed to have permanently drawn on his face when he talked to you. You hated him. He hated you. You both hated each other and if it wasn't for Wong you would have left that place a long time ago. 
Wanda's words made no sense, you were sure of it. You could never fall in love with someone like Strange, how could you when you were barely able to spend a few minutes with him without wanting to murder him? It was a stupid idea and Wanda was just saying it to annoy you. 
But then you saw him with her. 
Christine Palmer was everything you were not. She was smart, successful, charismatic, beautiful, and most of all, she was able to hold a conversation with Stephen for more than five minutes. She was the love of his life, you could tell by the way he looked at her. He missed her and regretted every day for letting her go. He still loved her and for some reason that made you feel weird. A lump formed in your throat every time you saw them together and you couldn't bear to listen to Stephen talk about her for too long, the admiration in his voice making your blood boil. 
And then it hit you. 
"No!" you exclaimed aloud in the solitude of your room. "Nonono! This can't be happening." You were panicking, pacing back and forth in your room as you desperately tried to find another explanation for what you were feeling. It wasn't jealousy. You weren't in love with him. He was an arrogant jerk and you couldn't stand him.
"I'm just... sad because no one will ever love me the way he loves her. Yes! That's it!" You tried to reason. Sure, you had been single for a long time and craved love, and in a way seeing the way Stephen looked at Christine made you think that you had never known a love like that, but that wasn't the reason behind your feelings. You weren't sad when you saw them together, you were jealous. Jealous that he didn't look at you that way. Jealous that you couldn't go more than five minutes without wanting to tear each other's heads off. Jealous that Stephen never saw you as anything more than an annoying apprentice who thought she was bigger than she was.
"No! I'm not in love," you asserted looking at yourself in the mirror, your eyes daring your reflection to contradict you. "It's just a stupid phase I'm going through. I'll be back to normal in no time. I'm not in love with Stephen Strange!"
Just as you finished saying those words a knock on your door caught your attention. When you turned around you found Stephen's figure leaning against the door frame, looking at you curiously. Your heart dropped and embarrassment came over you as you pleaded with the universe that he hadn't heard anything.
"You're late for practice," he said in his usual monotone voice and you breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't heard anything, if he had he would have mentioned it by now. You knew he would never waste an opportunity to annoy you like that.
But then you saw a mischievous smile creeping across his lips and your heart began to beat rapidly against your chest.
"What were you doing here?" Stephen asked, though you both knew he already knew the answer.
"Nothing! I'll be right down," you replied quickly, trying to kick him out of your room before he had a chance to humiliate you.
"Really?" he said, walking into your room. It was obvious he didn't believe a word that came out of your mouth. He knew the truth, but you would never admit it to him. You refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much power he had over you. "I could have sworn you were saying my name."
"No! No I was not." You sounded pathetic, your voice was trembling and you were using a higher pitch than normal. Anyone who knew you a little would know you were lying, but you refused to tell the truth. That was exactly what Strange wanted and you weren't going to indulge him.
Stephen took a step toward you and you instinctively backed away. He paused for a moment, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. You looked like a deer caught in the headlights, your big eyes watching him cautiously as your brain scrambled to come up with an escape plan. But he wasn't planning to let you escape. He was tired of the tension between you and it was time to do something about it.
"Why won't you admit it?" he spoke in a deep, seductive voice that awakened a tingle inside you. He continued walking towards you and for every step he took forward you took a step back. You needed to keep some distance between you if you intended to maintain your composure. But then your back hit the hard wall and you knew you were screwed. 
"There's nothing to admit," you said, clearing your throat to make sure your voice came out steady and clear. You were lying through your teeth and they both knew it, but you weren't about to give in. 
Stephen looked at you, his deep blue eyes inspecting your face closely. He was too close to you and it was starting to get to you. You could feel his warm breath crashing against your face, your noses almost brushing together. You felt self-conscious under his gaze, but at the same time you couldn't take your eyes off him. You were completely frozen in place, admiring the perfect angles of his face as you waited for his next move. 
"Is that so?" he said in disbelief. His eyes drifted down to your lips, pausing on them for a few seconds. He looked at you as if he wanted to devour you and you had to bite your tongue to keep from letting out a moan. "And what if I told you that I really wanted to kiss you? What would you do then?" 
"I don't know" you feigned innocence, feeling a wave of confidence momentarily wash over you. "I guess you'll just have to wait and see."
Stephen didn't waste a second, crashing his lips against yours the moment those words left your mouth. There was nothing sweet or tender in the way he kissed you, only desperation as you clung to each other's bodies. His hands cradled your cheeks, tilting your face so he could deepen the kiss, stealing what little breath you had left. Your head was spinning, your lips struggling to keep up with his kiss as your hands clutched at his chest desperate to find something to keep you grounded.
You surrendered to him completely, letting him do whatever he wanted with you. You were flying high in pure bliss, lost in the desperate caresses of Stephen's soft lips on yours. You didn't have the mental capacity to fight against his clear dominance over your body, you couldn't even feel ashamed of how quickly you had surrendered to his charms. 
You didn't want the moment to end. You wanted to live in Stephen's arms for the rest of your life, to feel his lips on yours until you ran out of air. However, the moment was interrupted when you felt the sound of someone clearing their throat behind you, forcing you to suddenly pull apart.
"It was about time," Wong said from the doorway looking at you with a firm expression that showed you how tired he was of you dancing around your feelings for each other. "We're waiting for you downstairs." And with that he left, leaving you alone once again to address what had happened.
"He's going to get back at us for everything we put him through, isn't he?" you muttered as you watched Wong disappear behind the door.
“Oh yes, definitely.”
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nero1forte · 3 months
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persona 3 music headcanons
(yay)
i’m taking in the time period the game takes place. (2009-2010ish) also. idk what type of music was popular in japan, so i’m just going off of western music :^)
Makoto
Ok. so i might be projecting a bit on this one, but he listens to early 2000’s emo/grunge/rock music.
A few bands i’m specifically thinking: mcr, deftones (i know im sorry but cmon), green day, maybeee the cure idk
He’ll really listen to anything though. if he doesn’t like something that’s put on he won’t say anything to the person. just. internalize how much he hates it
Makoto also listens to instrumentals. he likes to turn his brain off and do stuff around the dorm or just sit in his room. songs with lyrics sometimes are too overwhelming in those specific instances
Junpei
Junpei definitely listens to bands like Linkin Park and The Offspring. Maybeeee some rap here and there too
“SHAWTYS LIKE A MELODY IN MY HEAD” (thinks of Chidori when he listens to that song)
He def has “concerts” in his room where he blasts his music and sings obnoxiously loud
I feel like he’d also secretly like some pop music, but he’d never admit it
Yukari
She listens to whatever’s popular at the moment but she definitely has some favorite bands/artists
Mainly listens to female artists (P!NK? maybe avril lavigne)
Lovesss pop music and love songs (Junpei teases her for liking love songs and it makes her SO MAD)
Aigis
Aigis doesn’t really care what music is playing. But she has a tendency to… over explain things about the music.
Will give unnecessary info about the artist that is currently playing
She’ll also try to find songs she thinks the others will like based on the stuff they play around her
Shes basically like the DJ thing on spotify
Fuuka
I can see Fuuka liking music with lots of different instruments. But also liking softer songs (idk if she’d listen to this band but my first thought was songs like Never Shout Never makes)
Prefers live recordings and acoustic versions of songs
She usually lets the others pick out music when they’re listening together and generally likes anything (unless it’s super heavy)
Her and Yukari like a lot of the same music. Junpei also tries to get her to listen to more rock
Akihiko
Aki doesn’t really listen to music… He either does things in silence or turns the radio on a random station
He goes to Power Records and buys CDs based on the cover art
If someone plays a song and he likes how it sounds, he’ll awkwardly go up to them and ask them what the song is called
Mitsuru
Mitsuru is a bit hard to place for me. But I feel like she would mainly listen to classical music (on the rare occasions she does listen to music)
She doesn’t have CDs, a radio or an MP3 player. But she definitely has a record player and collects records
Like Fuuka, she’ll usually let the underclassmen pick out music to play and some of the lyrics make her question the things they’re into…
Shinji
Shinji listens to very very very underground stuff. (can’t decide if he would listen to 90s rock or not.)
He tried to show his music to Aki ONE TIME. Aki immediately hated it
No specific bands or songs rlly come to mind
I imagine the stuff he likes is … very hard to listen to :)
He also hates pop music with a passion
Kotone
She’s like a mix of Yukari and Makoto
The type of person to listen to anything… ANYTHING. and most likely enjoy it
Kotone is also one of the only people who actually likes Shinjis obscure ass music
Ken
Ken. Idk.
He seems like the type to not really care about music honestly
Just. Listens to whatever the others put on without much objection
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girasollake · 2 years
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on my own | e.m.
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pairing: eddie munson x fem! reader
type: angst lmao
requested: nope
summary: a fic based on the song dancing on my own by calum scott, where the reader is jealous of chrissy
warnings: pure angst, curse words, one mention of sex which is not that important
a/n: this was fun and this idea popped into my head like an hour ago, hope you guys enjoy it cause ive always wanted to write a fic based on a song
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If someone had told her a few months before that at this moment she would be crying over a stupid boy, she wouldn’t have believed them. All of this was weird, one day she was in his room listening to some songs he wrote and the next she couldn’t visit him because of her. (Y/n) didn’t even register when all of that had happened. So there she was, laying on her bed, tears streaming down her cheeks and smudging her mascara all over.
Somebody said you got a new friend.
It was October when she first had met Chrissy Cunningham. Colourful leaves were surrounding the group, they were all enjoying their break on a bench in the middle of the woods. That’s when he introduced her to them and  (Y/n) tried her best to be nice, but it wasn’t hard, she couldn’t dislike the cheerleader. She was cute, nice, smart and so innocent. Well, not exactly innocent since she took away the closest person (Y/n) had ever had.
Does she love you better than I can?
Chrissy took a seat in front of (Y/n) and held out her hand.
‘Hi, I’m Chrissy.’ She said with the most adorable smile.
‘(Y/n), pleasure.’ She shook her hand and gave her a side smile.
She tried her best to not pay attention to them but it was hard. They were both lost in a conversation right in front of her, their soft laughs mixing together. (Y/n) was talking to Gareth who was sitting next to her in order to mute Eddie’s voice but she still found herself distracted at every movement she saw from the corner of her eye.
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around.
(Y/n) had always been invited to their gigs, it was her favourite time of the week. She could spend time with the people she was closest to, especially Eddie. Watching him perform was amazing, he gave it all he had during the shows. Then, when Chrissy started coming to the Hideout, (Y/n) was kind of happy because she could talk to her and exchange opinions. That was still the time when Chrissy and Jason were a thing. Two months had passed and the whole school started talking about their breakup. (Y/n) saw that Chrissy wasn’t particularly moved by the end of her relationship, but she hadn’t paid much attention to that.
And yeah I know it’s stupid.
But I just gotta see it, for myself.
They had never announced if they were in a relationship, but (Y/n) knew. She saw how his hand sneaked around her waist some times, how he would kiss her cheek when he thought no one was around, how he would cancel their Sacred Saturday’s to be with Chrissy. Eddie hadn’t told (Y/n) that the blonde girl was the reason of his absence, but it was pretty obvious, at least to her.
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her,
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?
She didn’t understand why he chose her. She was there first, she was his shoulder to cry on, his best friend, his sword, shield, literally anything he wanted her to be. She would’ve sailed across the ocean if he asked her to. And yet, she wasn’t the one he had given his heart to. All this time when they were meeting up in a larger group, she tried her best to not glare at them and their intertwined hands. She wished so bad that it was her he touched, kissed, hugged, but she wasn’t.
And I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home.
Sometimes after their concerts Eddie had invited (Y/n) to his house for a sleepover. And so when he had asked Chrissy that question, with (Y/n) standing next to them, she had almost burst into tears.
‘Hey, you wanna come back to my place after we finish?’ She heard him say to Chrissy.
She just giggled and nodded her head. Eddie didn’t even look at (Y/n), it was like she had become a ghost.
And I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line.
When she was laying in her bed, Eddie and Chrissy were spending their two months anniversary with the rest of the gang. (Y/n) had went to the gathering but she had left just as quickly.
‘So, since when are you guys together?’ Jeff nudged Eddie’s arm and took a sip of his beer.
‘Um, actually it’s two months, today’ He smiled and took the drink from Jeff’s hand.
(Y/n) was next to Jeff and she was slowly sipping her own beverage, Chrissy was in the other room talking to one of her friends.
‘Tell me man, what’s it like to be dating the Hawkins Princess?’ Jeff chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows.
‘It’s amazing, she is amazing.’ Eddie whispered but it was loud enough for (Y/n) to hear.
‘Jeff do you have some weed?’ She asked suddenly.
‘Since when do you smoke?’ Eddie interfered.
‘Since when do you care?’ She hissed which took him aback. ‘So? Can I have some?’ Her head turned to Jeff.
‘Um, yeah, yeah, here you go.’ He said and pulled out two blunts out of his bag. ‘You need a lighter?’
‘Nah, I’m good. Thanks.’ She said and headed outside of Gareth’s house.
She didn’t want to come back there, all she wanted was to be alone. Her legs took her to the closest bus stop and she entered the first one that was heading in the direction of her home. The whole ride she tried her best to not break down right then and there. Her head started showing her images it came up with to make her even sadder. Eddie kissing Chrissy, Eddie touching Chrissy, Eddie fucking Chrissy. What was she better at than (Y/n)? She never understood that because Eddie was just like her, she had always thought they were made for each other. They had a similar style, music taste and they both played guitar. Her mind wandered to the first time she saw Eddie play, that’s when she had decided she wants to do that to. She had saved up for it and soon she had found herself in Eddie’s trailer, the boy teaching her how to play. She finally saw her neighbourhood which threw her out of her depressive thoughts. (Y/n) stood up and left the bus at the closest stop, she then ran towards her house.
‘Honey is everything okay?’ One of her parents asked when she entered the house. ‘The dinner is ready if you want some!’
But she was already running up the stairs, too sad to even think about food.
‘I’m not hungry, sorry!’ She screamed and shut her door.
She walked over to her bed and took a seat, then all of the things came back and hit her twice as hard which brings us to the situation at the very top. She finally sat up again and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She reached into her pocket and took one of the blunts, she then opened the window and searched for a lighter in her desk. When she found it she took a seat on her window sill and lit up the herbs. The first puff she took hurt her lungs and throat a bit, she wasn’t used to the feeling, but after a few she finally felt the relaxation. She contemplated smoking the other one but she decided to leave it for another day. She sighed and throwing away the rest of the joint she went to sleep not bothering to take off her clothes or make up.
I keep dancing on my own.
taglist: @r93339 @stvrdustalexx @cursedandromedablack @ccosmic-illusion @luvwanda @justice4lils @heizenka @wolfstarsimpxx @miss-bloodbath @screambih @lyntic @freeshavocadoooo @laracrof7s @naturalswifty89 @bvmbshell @alainabooks143 @squidwardsluverxx @phantomxoxo @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @stilesks @ilovedilfs32 @kaitlin-r130 @greengarsstuff @axen-gers @088i880 @ilovefictionalbrunettes
530 notes · View notes
Note
I’m going to make you share Ianto audio opinions now :D Sorry I know there’s like 9 million of those
Dhhdhdhd you’re all good, everyone needs to know my hot takes on their favorite blorbo that is just A Guy
Fall to Earth: Very good! The beginning of a long saga of Ianto having audios with women who are cooler than him, also he’s a dumbass and Myfanwy has insurance now
Broken: honestly, this one is overhyped in my opinion. It’s still very good, but people scream so much about it and I’m like “…poodle goo”. That said, it is a classic, content warnings for depression and suicide attempt, but it’s really doing its best to establish the janto dynamic behind s1
The Office of Never Was: this one features a darker side of Ianto which is very interesting, but also I barely remember any of the details due to me listening ages ago, but like yeah I think it’s good
The Last Beacon: PEAK GO LISTEN IMMEDIATELY, beloved romp and Ianto-Owen character dynamics
Serenity: definitely my preferred Janto audio, dumbasses in the suburbs, violence and swinging attempts and Ianto just slowly losing his mind (affectionate)
Expectant: okay so this isn’t good. I wouldn’t even necessarily say it’s fun. There’s not even that much Ianto in it. But goddamn there’s something about it, so many things that are mentioned and not explored and there are slippers and whale songs okay (also gross birth noises so be warned)
Dinner and a Show: yes very good! just a good fun romp at the opera with aliens and cheap knock-off Welsh Prosecco
Ex Machina: genuinely such an interesting concept, unreality warning heavy, but I really enjoyed it
Rhys and Ianto’s Execllent Barbecue: oh my god this is literally a masterpiece on grief and masculinity and also there’s a cool time bubble and a guinea pig, mandatory listening
Coffee: fun and painful and just like, a lot of it is kinda basic but when it hits it HITS
The Great Sontaran War: okay genuinely a pretty solid one, goss needs to stop trying to write marginalized people, but there’s a sontaran in a trailer park with a cat named Group Marshal Cat and Ianto is just trying his best, so
The Grey Mare: okay it’s not bad, but it is a pretty basic spooky tale, I heard someone describe it once as a plot that it didn’t have to be Ianto, and that’s pretty fair
Restricted Items Archive Entries 031-049: this is my personal favorite honestly, both for the almost anthology type vibe of all the entries, and because this author Gets Ianto and it’s just so fun and also a bit ouchy as it should be
SUV and The Lincolnshire Poacher: okay, haven’t heard these, but based on vibes poached from my friends, SUV is good, and Lincolnshire Poacher is slowburn Ianto whump and I mean slowburn because he doesn’t show up for a while, so don’t expect him right away, but I’m not gonna write it off
The Torchwood Archive: very good, domestic janto in the most weirdest and in character way honestly, lmao
Outbreak: YES SO GOOD, be warned for a virus plot and scratching noises, but like worth it for all of the vibes, who doesn’t want to have your boyfriend try to murder you because he loves you and your best friend mock you for your shit tie, so good
Believe: okay so his plot is probably the most interesting/best one, but overall it’s really just not that good, not really worth it
Torchwood One: god fuck you Alyssa I forgot about these, okay okay
Before the Fall: technically individual stories, but it’s really more like one big one, Rachel be girlbossing
Machines: Blind Summit is the one for Iantotent, man sorta gets supersoldiered and everyone forgets about it, I personally really like 9 to 5, the premise Bangs. Also the law machines is here, it’s okay I guess
Latter Days: Retirement Plan lets Ianto James Bond it up, Locker 15 is solid, the Rockery isn’t a Ianto story but it is my favorite from the set so 😤
Nightmares: honestly, the best set, both My Guest Tonight (not a Ianto story), and Lola are very solid, LESS MAJESTY IS FARCE AND FUCKING HILARIOUS
TLDR: honestly he doesn’t really have a Bad one, but some are better than others :3
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eddieschains · 1 year
Note
Oh boy! I am here to ask for some Joe angst if possible?
“it hurts loving someone who doesn’t love you back...”
Like two idiots in love... everyone can see she has a thing for him, only Joe is being clueless about it. Some serious pining and then he can ask why she's not dating anyone or something. I mean, you get the creative freedom.. I don't know, no pressure. Love you! x
for some reason i was having a really hard time trying to write this but then i listened to Linger by The Cranberries and it hurt so good so this is loosely based off that song
hope you like it babes!! 🤍
It Hurts Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
You’d known Joe for years, even before he started thinking about acting. You went to school together and had all the same friends. Although you would never admit it, you always had a crush on him even then.
Your own girlfriends knew about your feelings, but also knew you would most likely never act on them. You sat on the sidelines watching as he got girlfriend after girlfriend, pushing your feelings to the side.
Then, one time after high school when all your friends had a party before everyone went off to college, he kissed you. He got a little too drunk and while you two were sitting on the couch talking, he grabbed your face and kissed you. If you didn’t have feelings for him before that, you definitely did afterwards.
Your friends all hooted and hollered while they watched, but you were silent. You knew that was the furthest you could or would ever go with him and it hurt you even more.
He went off to acting school and managed to stay in touch as much as he could, but you were honestly glad you fell apart. Seeing him more often would just bring you more pain.
A few years went by, and you hadn’t heard from him much. You moved on with your life and tried to move on from him. You dated a couple guys but never made it past the first few months. None of them were Joe, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to continue with them while you were in love with someone else.
Your birthday was coming up, and all your friends decided to throw you a big party. Not being much of a party person after that experience with Joe years before, you reluctantly agreed. You decided it might be nice to get out for once instead of sulking about what could’ve been and hey, maybe finding a good fuck would be all you needed to get out of your head once and for all.
Your best friend rented a big house on the water, and all your closest friends were there. Of course Joe was friends with them too, but luckily he wasn’t here. You didn’t know how you would react if he showed up.
You were all drinking, dancing, and catching up when you heard a loud commotion at the door. You looked over to see what all the fuss was about when the very thing you dreaded happening, happened.
“Hey big actor man is here!” One of your friends shouted, ushering him through the crowd.
Joe was smiling and saying hi to everyone he hadn’t seen in a while before heading to the kitchen for a drink. He looked good. So good. He wasn’t the scrappy little 18 year old anymore, and he was aging like fine fucking wine.
You tried hiding from him on the balcony, but it being your birthday and all, it was a bit hard.
“Hey birthday girl.” His voice rang through your ears as his fingers pierced the skin on your bare shoulders.
You take a deep breath in, before putting on your fakest smile and turning to look at him. “Hey movie star.” You envelop him in a hug, not too tight and not too long in fear you would break down at that very moment. “How are you?”
“Oh i’m good you know, just working. Trying to get this acting thing going.” He chuckles, taking a sip of his beer.
“Yeah I heard you just got a part in a movie, what’s it called again?”
“Make up. It’s like this thriller love story type thing. Can’t really say too much without spoiling it.” He’s giving you the most intense eye contact you’ve ever received before. His brown eyes glistening in the bright moonlight, so much prettier than you remembered. “But how are you? You been doing okay?”
“Yeah no i’m good. Just finished dental school so i’m gonna start digging in peoples mouths here pretty soon.” You giggle, breaking eye contact to sip on your cup of various mixed alcohol.
“Yeah how’s mine look? Good?” He opens his mouth wide, and you jokingly examine him.
“Oh I don’t know Joe, might wanna get that one checked out.” He laughs, slapping your hand away.
He moves over to one of the chairs set outside and you join him. Enjoying the evening sky and the quiet away from the party.
“So what’s new with your love life? I heard you were dating that guy from history class.”
“Jake.”
“Jake! Yeah he always seemed pretty cool.”
“Yeah he was alright. Uh I broke up with him about a month ago.” You look down at your feet, trying not to fall into his eyes.
“Oh i’m sorry. What happened?” He leans forward, and you feel his eyes on you once again.
“Just wasn’t feeling it I guess.”
“You do that a lot you know?” He chuckles. You look up at him, furrowing your brows.
“Do what?” You question.
“You go out with a guy for like a couple months and then dump him. You don’t even give them a chance Y/N.” He laughs, and you feel anger boiling in your cheeks. If he only knew. “Have you ever even been in love?”
“Well it hurts loving someone who doesn’t love you back.” You look away, trying not to let your tears fall from your eyes
“What are you talking about? Jake didn’t love you?” You can hear the concern in his voice.
“No he loved me.” You continue, not moving your head from the other side of your body.
“Then who do you love that doesn’t love you back?” You set your drink down on the table beside you, before jumping out of your seat.
“You! You Joe! It’s always been you. I’ve loved you since we were 16, did you know that?” He sits in awe, jaw practically in his lap as you’re hovering above him confessing what you’ve felt for the past 10 years. “And to watch you move from girl to girl wishing it was me? Do you know how hard that is? Have you ever felt something like that?”
“Y/N, I-“
“No I don’t want to hear what you have to say right now. I have sat on the sidelines for years, YEARS Joe, just wishing and waiting for my turn. Waiting for you to finally notice the way I look at you. The way I focus on your mouth whenever you talk to me, the way my cheeks immediately turn red when you walk towards me, the way my eyes go wide when you take your hoodie off and your shirt comes up with it. How have you not noticed? And for you to waltz in here on my birthday after ignoring me for the past 3 years and act like we’re best friends again? I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that you’re just my friend anymore because you’ve always been so, so much more.”
For once Joe isn’t looking at you. His eyes are focused on his lap, fiddling with his hands as he takes in what you just said.
“God, i’ve waited years to say that you. And now that that’s done, we can both move on with our lives and go back to pretending like the other doesn’t exist. Thank you for coming to my birthday, it was great seeing you, but honestly I hope I never have to see you again.”
You grab your cup from the table and start to walk towards the door.
“Have a great night Joe. Catch up with your friends, and drink to your hearts content. I’m leaving.”
You storm through the house, tears streaming down your face. Passing by as people ask what’s wrong before grabbing your purse and slamming the door behind you. What a fucking night.
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ryuichirou · 20 days
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Replies
A couple replies related to the anti question from yesterday, but then yay, a couple of replies about Idia! <3
mysaldate asked:
Related to the anti question: The localization is also to blame for so many younger people and antis swarming the twst circles. The JP game is marketted as joseimuke and the target group are specifically adult women. The localization, after dumbing everything down and making characters speak like the cringiest side of Tiktok, decided 3+ is a good enough age rating and then changed it to 13+ or wherever it is right now after getting mocked relentlessly for thinking 3+ was a good idea. 13+ is still far too young and it sadly leads to a lot of younger and more immature people being in the fandom.
Oh my god, fucking 3+… And 13+ isn’t much better. The entire rating system is kind of weird when you think about it: simply because there isn’t any nudity or sexual themes or gore, it doesn’t mean that the game is perfectly fit for 13 year olds. But this is its own whole can of worms that I’m not touching with a 5 feet pole…
But yeah, unfortunately immaturity really is a big issue :(
Anonymous asked:
I remember seeing a callout post that mentioned grooming and I was like, “oh no!” Until I read that the person in question never groomed  anyone, rather, the poster was claiming that a drawing of theirs had grooming. Wow, thanks for wasting my time calling this out, Jerk. Yeah, I’m still salty about this.
THIS IS SUCH A BIG ISSUE AAAH because they always use those words to grab your attention, but then out of 10 callout posts about groomers you’ll have 5 posts about someone drawing a problematic ship, 3 posts about someone just talking to someone once, 1 post that is just a straight-up lie and maybe 1 post about an actual predator that people should either block or report. Not only it clogs the report system with irrelevant stuff and distracts from real and very serious cases, it completely desensitises people to the point when their first thought when they see a callout post is “I’m not even going to waste my time reading this, I’m 95% sure this is bs”.
I am very tired of it, so I understand, Anon.
Alright, now let’s have a complete tonal shift and about our favourite hikki boy.
Anonymous asked:
What does Idia find attractive in a person? Like, what qualities, whether appearance or personality-wise would draw him to them? What would be the ultimate dealbreaker or what would be something that would lead to a big “NOPE” from him?
Good question, Anon~
Thank god Idia gives us food to think about these things with his crush on his online buddy lol I’m going to base my thoughts on their interactions.
First and foremost, for someone who isn’t very social, Idia really loves it when he can share his interests with someone. I say it every time, but quality time is one of the most important things for Idia, so if a person listened to a song he’d sent or if he is fun to play with, it’s going to win a lot of points for Idia. And Idia probably senses fakeness in this type of stuff, so he needs someone who is going to be genuinely invested in a game; just like Lilia, Azul or Ortho are.
He also loves determined, strong-willed people who take things into their own hands. Idia is kind of passive and hates being someone who initiates things, so his perfect partner would have to do the heavy lifting when it comes to this side of their relationship. He would have to “feel Idia’s vibes” and know when to push and when to leave him alone. Idia is (probably unintentionally) drawn to people who push him a liiiitlle bit out of his comfort zone, but he gets super defensive when someone oversteps his boundaries. He even complimented Crimson Muscle for always keeping a perfect distance and yet being very involved and friendly with him. In short, his perfect partner would have to make things easy for him emotionally lol
I don’t know about appearance, but I feel like Idia is kind of drawn to tall and mature men that are on the bigger side, he is kind of into this whole fantasy of Crimson Muscle being older than him, which is super ironic considering that at least 3 of his potential lovers are significantly smaller than him (Ortho, Lilia, Azul), and two of them are also younger than him. Not sure of Idia has a thing for this type, it’s probably just a funny coincidence, but it could be a bone in Idia’s body that gets pleasantly tickled because of the fact that he’s being topped by someone as tiny and adorable as they are. Well, not sure if he considers Azul tiny or adorable, but he certainly thinks that he has a pretty face.
Body-wise, the Tweels are probably the closest to what Idia would envision if he was cringe enough to fantasize about having sex with someone which he absolutely doesn’t do because that would be too pathetic and typical for a shut-in otaku loser like him ha ha ha ha ha. Seriously though, he probably doesn’t think about these things, also because he’s never thought that he would be a bottom in a sexual scenario, but if we forced Idia to pick the most attractive body out of all of these people, there is a chance that he would have picked the Tweels.
As for the big NOPEs…. The majority of people are big NOPEs for Idia lol
Ironically, the Tweels are a HUUUGE NOPE because they’re scary. Idia actively avoids them because he knows they are up to no good, and he would never consider any type of relationship with them.
He always complains about extraverts, but they would balance him out surprisingly well. But still, in theory this is a big no-no, in particular because they always have a lot of friends and the thought itself makes Idia feels a bit jealous and lonely. Plus, he considers them obnoxious lol Even though Ortho is an extravert.
He also doesn’t like nosy people who criticise him and don’t understand his hobbies and life philosophies. Azul nags on him, but he is surprisingly good at giving him his space, maybe because he knows that this is just how Idia operates and there is nothing he can do about it.
Idia also hates sporty people, active people, reckless people, people with a stick up their butts… He has a lot of opinions about every single NRC student and why they would be horrible to date lol
Anonymous asked:
Does Idia have to have a connection with someone to sleep with them? Is he open to one-night-stands, granted he wouldn’t be the one to instigate them I’m guessing. Does he like foreplay? What’s a sure way to get him in the mood? Sorry for all the questions! 😓
No worries, Anon, I like talking about Idia a lot as you might’ve noticed lol
It’s probably ironic considering just how many people we ship him with, but I feel like Idia doesn’t even consider having sex as something that might at some point happen to him. His mindset is “I’m a lonely otaku shut-in and I don’t want to be around people, but it’s okay if I stay a virgin because sex is overrated”. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to have sex, he just doesn’t think that it’s an option and he is okay with it… One-night-stand just sounds isn’t as stressful as building a relationship with someone, but it’s still stressful af and very cringy, so he wouldn’t do it “unless he’s 50 and desperate”. But who knows, maybe his circumstances change…
To answer your first question, yes, on paper, he has to be very close to a person to even think about these things. But that’s on paper, in actuality (and this is the scenario for our art and posts a lot of times) sex could just happen to him suddenly because the tension got too strong and; and then Idia would suddenly feel himself overflowing with his suppressed urges. “I have to have a super strong connection with someone to sleep with them” and “I will probably never have sex” are irrelevant when Idia is being touched and feels every single sensation and feeling at once. Out of all of the guys we ship him with, I feel like the only one he would think about having sex with prior to that happening is Lilia (his online self of course), but even then this thought is just cringy delusional cope in Idia’s own opinion.
With foreplay, it’s kinda tricky. I think Idia is someone who would prefer to get it over with, to have sex already, to hurry his lover up, because foreplay feels too overwhelming and embarrassing. But his body craves much more attention that Idia is ready to let anyone give to it, so he would probably enjoy being petted, kissed, even edged, and his own embarrassment always dances on a fine line between ruining Idia’s mood because of the anxiety of it all and making him much hornier because embarrassment is arousing.
As for getting him in the mood, he is way too sensitive and his body is way too responsive, so a lot of times just grabbing and touching him works wonderfully… except when he is very busy gaming, because nothing can stand between him and his game. He’ll push anyone away if he’s busy with his online tournament… well okay, anyone other than Ortho or Lilia lol
Idia also responds to hentai tropes because he is always shocked when he experiences them irl, and ironically Ortho, Lilia, Azul, the Tweels – all of them would trigger that reaction intentionally or not. Especially Azul with his tentacles…
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hyuganejiswife · 1 year
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Overload | Megumi Fushiguro X GNReader
Masterlist
| REQUESTED, sensory overload, overstimulated, partner could be on the spectrum or just have sensory issues, panic, angst, fluff
Word Count: 613
Note: I’m sorry if this isn’t accurate, I’m writing the overstim part based on my own experiences. I get overstimulated by sounds pretty easily, and I’ve had to step away from doing my job at a previous job from nearly having a panic attack due to it. So I’m drawing from that. As far as I know, I’m not on the spectrum. Also, do not take anything I write as a generalization. Everyone who is affected by overstimulation experiences these things differently. I also do not have a service animal so my deep pressure explanation may not be accurate. I have a dog who loves to lay on me when I’m anxious, but she’s not trained for that and it’s my only experience.
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You wanted to shrink away from the world. There was far too much going on all at once. Everyone was branched off in their own conversations. The TV was on, playing some movie that your friends and classmates had all but forgotten, and there was music playing from a speaker in the corner of the room because Yuji wanted to show Panda one of the songs he liked.
You could hear the faint sounds of some video game coming from Toge’s phone and it was driving you insane. You felt like you were being overloaded. Your mind couldn’t process everything that was happening. You could hear everything and nothing at all, all at once.
You stand and leave the room abruptly, half of your friends barely even noticing. Before Maki has even had a chance to stand from her seat, Megumi has made his way out after you, already summoning one of his hounds for you.
It was like he already knew what was wrong. And in fact, maybe he did. He’d been observing you quietly since you started to become more reserved about halfway through the evening. He knew it was only a matter of time before you were far too overstimulated, but he knew better than to ask you to leave or to even insist that you needed to go back to your dorm. He did that once and it led to an argument about you knowing your own limits. Still, it never makes him feel any better to watch you suffer in silence until you’ve decided you had enough.
As he pushes your door open, the demon dog slips past him and makes its home on your bed with you, laying its rather large head over your chest. Your eyes are closed and Megumi decides against saying anything, instead letting you have a moment to decompress and to decide when you are ready to hear his voice. He chooses instead to close and lock your door to prevent an intrusion, afterwards walking around and unplugging any electronics that may cause any type of noise. Once he’s done with that, he sits on the floor against your bed and waits, listening to the sounds of your sniffles filling the room as you start to come down.
A smile reaches his face when your hand finds his hair and he hears a small “thank you” leave your lips. He turns to look up at you, humming and tilting his head. “How are you feeling?” He whispers, still very careful not to be too loud for your sake.
“Bad.”
“That’s okay.” He waits, letting you go at your own pace as you look for the words to say. And if you chose to say none, that was okay too.
“I don’t know why it happens. And I feel bad for leaving every time. Like I’m offending someone or upsetting you and making you leave too.” You tear your gaze away from him, worried.
“I don't do anything that I don't want to do. I only go to those groups for you and because Gojo thinks it’s good for me. And when I leave, I’m relieved. You’re my favorite person. I’d rather be with you over anyone else. And forget about them, they understand, but you don’t owe them anything and certainly not an explanation or an apology. You can’t help it. That’s okay. I’m always going to be here for you, even if you only use me for my demon dogs.”
At his last remark, you find yourself laughing, fresh tears falling. This time though, your tears are filled with relief. Megumi, your wonderful partner, always knew how to make you feel better.
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cardassiangoodreads · 3 months
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I’m pretty sure “that tumblr post asking people to see if they have black artists on their playlist” was a post circulating after Spotify Wrapped came out asking what number/how high up your top track by a black artist was. (There was a similar post asking what your top track by a female artist was, which should also not be a stretch, especially for 2023!) I think your reply is correct and not off-base at all. Just asking people to reflect on how many of their annual top songs it takes before you get to a black artist or a woman isn’t putting those artists on a pedestal.
Thanks, yeah I was having trouble thinking of a post that was described like that person had, where citing it there didn't somehow miss the point of that post.
And to be clear for posterity, I'm pretty much never going to agree with a post that suggests that it's performative or bad to encourage people to diversify their media consumption, especially in the case of "listening to music by black people" where there really is just no excuse for why you aren't already doing that! Black people are so prominent in popular music and have been for so long, even with systematic racism trying to keep them down, that it's almost like bellyaching because someone chastised you for.... not reading romance novels by women. If you're a regular romance reader and you never read stuff by women, I am going to assume at a certain point that you're doing that on purpose.
Even if you exclusively listen to the "whiter" genres: Scott Joplin with classical music, Jimi Hendrix with classic rock (and even more if we're including the 50s stuff), Jimmie Allen in country music (okay maybe I mainly know who he is because @peterdyckmancampbell is into country and loves that he's from Delaware, but I was under the impression he's a big name), Tracy Chapman for folk/singer-songwriter stuff, Rhiannon Giddens for folk/bluegrass.... and I'm specifically using these names even though I can name many, many more (every classical fan needs to be listening to William Grant Still and Florence Price, too, for instance) because none of these people are remotely obscure names. As for me, yeah, sure, I'm from Detroit so I was raised on Motown, and my mom loves funk and passed that on to me.... but even at the height of my teenage classical music+classic rock snob era, I can't remember a time in my life when I wasn't listening to a variety of black musicians regularly.
Like as I said in that post, it's bad enough if you're not reading books by black people or watching movies directed by them or whatever, but with MUSIC it is particularly glaring!
Anyway, my first black artist on my Spotify Wrapped is #2. #winning
Edit: And yeah, people absolutely should be listening to music by women, too. I remember an old post by Amanda Marcotte from like 2012 listing "dating red flags" where she said that if a man is seriously into any particular type of art or genre of it, and he can't name any women in that medium/genre who are among his favorites, then that's a big red flag.... and she got a lot of flack for that but she's absolutely right. If a guy, say, isn't into country much it's one thing if the only country singer he listens to is Johnny Cash, but if he's a serious fan of the genre and there's no Dolly, Loretta, Patsy, etc. in his music library I would be VERY suspicious! It's just such a big red flag that he doesn't see women as as capable in that thing as men, and does not bode well for how much he'll support you in your work and other endeavors.
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hon3ymo0n · 10 months
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“What’s the point?”- A little (kinda) talk about Jimin and Jungkook’s bond.
Song - “A soulmate that wasn’t meant to be”- Jess Benko. (this song has nothing to do with the following post, I’m just listening to it while I’m writing).
“We don’t know what days await us, though it’s scary, though we’re afraid, never forget that we’re together”- Letter, Jimin. It’s not easy to talk about a delicate topic such as the relationship between a closeted couple, in the K-pop industry. It’s not easy to converge everyone’s opinions, or to have certainties that can not be questioned. And in the same way, this post can not be read by everyone. People who don’t believe in Jikook, will not agree with me. People who don’t believe that Letter is for JK, will not agree with me. Even those people who agree with me on these points, might disagree on others. So, read this post knowing that it’s based on my personal opinions, my ideas, my thoughts, and that my english is not perfect. And feel free to suggest your points of view, with kindness. Let’s get into it.
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If you stayed, thank you. I don’t want to talk about Letter specifically. I think JM wrote it for JK, but I want to go into detail in another post. I want to take adventage of a part of the lyrics that really hit on me, though, and it’s the one at the beginning of this written. I’ll start from there. From the “we don’t know what days await us”. Love is never easy, for anyone. Or better, it is never just easy. There is a lot more that comes into play when we’re talking about the fusion between two people’s feelings. It is about risk, pain or disappointments, insecurities that, in the best and more right of the scenarios, will be accepted and healed, and will become just a way to open up with the other and be closer. Love can also be fear. It can be joy, happiness, fulfillment. It’s a common feeling, that can rise in someone’s heart and make it beat. To this complex semplicity, let’s add some clarification, in terms that only people who think that JK and JM are romantically involved will understand.
You’re young, inexpert, or maybe the experiences that you had until now in terms of love don’t have so much value: they’ve been just experiences. Nothing more, nothing less. You’re forced to grow up a little bit faster than others in order to follow your dream (and this is another topic that I would like to talk about, in another post), to renounce to some things and to learn things that your peers will probably learn with much more time. Besides work, you also dream about love. Whether you’re a romantic person or not, it doesn’t matter. Speaking about BTS, the debut years were concentrated on a different concept, kinda of stereotypical, which showed to us 7 guys in the throes of a war of hormones, really talented, strong and capable of breaking the screen. And it took a lot of time before people stopped asking them, during interviews, about their love life, their ideal type, which one of them was the best with ladies, or making sexual allusions.
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Whether you’re romantic or not doesn’t matter, as I said. The thought of love touches you, sooner or later, even if you’e not expecting it to. And even if Jungkook never showed or declared himself as a particulary romantic guy, at the time, you could already see in his actions a different type of kindness, spontaneous and naive. And that kindness was really evident with Jimin. I don’t believe, as many do, in that theory according to which Jimin immediately fell in love with JK, while JK refused him until a magical turning point. I believe, instead, that they accompanied each other’s feelings along the way. One of them made the first move, it’s obvious. There was one of them that struggled more in terms of letting himself go, accepting his feelings, which were kinda different from how he expected them to be, dreaming about that famous “first love”, but they both volunteered for the cause, at the end.
It was easy for none of them. But I really can’t say that JK struggled so much that he arrived to reject Jimin in such a rude way. It’s more plausible that it was just a joke between the two of them and that, in private, it didn’t exist at all. It was something to show in front of people, or cameras, or in a playful moment, but that disappeared when they were alone, having lunch or dinner together, leaving room for hugs, glances, and important conversations. Otherwise, we couldn’t explain how such a special bond was born between the two of them, and all the intimate moments that they tell us about (from the rainy day, to the one when JK was crying because he missed his family, and JM supported him).
The struggle was there, from the beginning. That’s for sure. There must have been fears towards the risk they were running. They must have been afraid of ruining a beautiful friendship, the band, afraid to commit to what would turn out to be just an infatuation. I think even the first kiss happened all of a sudden, and the unpredictability creates confusion in a teenage far away from home, full of dreams, but also very fragile and sensitive. Besides loving the guys for their talent and commitment, I admire them for their story. We can only imagine how much they have to tell, only if they could or wanted to. And the same goes for JM and JK. The courage that getting into a non-heterosexual relationship, at the age of not even twenty, while being in the biggest boy group of the world, requires, can’t be taken for granted. Courage is one of the words that comes to my mind when I think about them.
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Once they overcame (more or less) this phase of being afraid of themselves, and the phase in which they had to learn how to let themselves be loved and love, it was the moment to deal with the rest. Their love must have catched the eye of the members, or maybe they decided to open up to them (which I think is how things went), once they understood that they wanted it to be serious and it was not possible to pretend anymore. As you can see, there are a lot of “maybe”s and assumptions, because we’ll never know for sure what we’re talking about unless they tell us, as it is right and normal to be.
I would like to mention the lyrics again. We don’t know what days await us, but let’s stay together. That’s basically what Jimin is trying to say to Jungkook. Some sort of reminder saying that their love is a prize, and it has to be guarded. Their love is like life saying “I’m going to give you something precious, unique, but you won’t be able to scream it to the world, you won’t be able to fully share it, because not everyone would get it, not everyone will”. A few days ago, I sent an anonimous ask to an account, here on tumblr, because I was still uncertain about opening a blog or not, but i needed to express myself. I’m going to repeat what i wrote in that ask: this relationship is not about hiding anymore. It is about protecting.
They hid enough. From the hotel lives to the sneaking out, the travels, the restaurants, where there always was someone ready to take a picture of them, any employee or owner ready to tell details about their dinner on the internet, negative comments, full of hate, on the web: this is the unfair price to pay when you’re in the spotlight. But then, where is the prize, in all of this? It is in themselves.
It sounds kinda philosophical, but it’s my point of view. Jimin and Jungkook never had certainties unless their love. The certainty of loving each other, of being able to overcome fights (in ten years we can only imagine how many they had) and difficult moments, the ones where they couldn’t be together due to work, discussions, or else. Their only certainty is what they built together, the beutiful moments spoken by Jimin in Letter and to which we do not have any access. And I couldn’t be happier than this, knowing that the special and deep part of their bond is not exposed to the public, but it’s something that only they know and take care of.
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It’s those moments after a concert, tired and sweaty, when you meet up with the person you love in your room and you kiss them. Those moments before the concert, when you’re scared of failing and the person you love is by your side. The adrenaline, the emotion for the audience, the tour. Laughing together, getting drunk together, talking, crying. It could look like a movie, but we often forget that films are based on real life and, as someone who’s really struggling with their mental health, I can still say that life can become special for anyone, but there will always be a vein of bitterness and sadness in it.You just need something even stronger than pain that pushes you and gives you peace.
Digressions apart, Jungkook’s eyes speak. Jikook learned how to hide from everyone and everything for so long. And when families knew, the band, the company, maybe some friends, there was the most difficult part: the public eye, among Taekookers, Vminers, ships, insults, clips and threats. That’s the other side of the medal, and I can’t say for sure that I would have accepted it, if I were them. But they did.
Jungkook had the courage to break that wall imposed by society, maybe by the company too, and to literally suck Jimin’s ear on stage, in front of everyone, repeating to him “I love you, don’t cry, I love you”. He had the courage to back hug him even when there was no need to do it, just because he needed to, him and only. And he had the courage, step by step, year by year, to become more spontaneous, without holding back. Jimin did that too, and glances on stage, attentions, words, hugs in front of the cameras slowly became less scary, something that doesn’t need to be contained anymore.
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Obviously, there is always a bit of decency and suffering, behind all of this. There is always a part of you thinking “i would like to scream it to the world, tell everyone that we love each other”. But JK and JM learned (and still are) how to do it in ways that don’t involve words. Being there for each other with a simple and banal comment during a live. Supporting each other. Jungkook smiles like  a baby when Jimin pops up on the screen and he has no problem in showing it to us. If he wants to listen to his boyfriend’s songs for the whole live, and harmonize with his voice, on the couch, barefoot, sleepy and happy, he does it. If he gets shy when Jimin smiles or talks on the screen, he subtly tries to contain it, but fails. If he wants to repeat Jimin’s name over and over, look for his comments, or play their song on the guitar, he will. And he won’t stop. He will not change for anyone. It’s his way to say “I care about this man almost more than I care about myself. That’s how I am. Leave me in peace”. And we love you for who you are, JK.
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Who gets it, gets it. Who doesn’t, doesn’t. The unstoppable need to show your relationship to the world fades with time, because you accept the situation, and also because you understand that, in reality, everything that you really need is to enjoy the other person. Sleeping together, eating together, laughing together, making a videocall, taking a shower together, watching a movie on the couch. Dancing in the living room. These are all things that they do or did, and we’ll never know unless they tell us.
Everytime we thought “who knows if they’re together”, they probably were, but we can’t say that for sure. I think that Jungkook was so happy in his last live also because he just met Jimin. Maybe the night before, or the day before, but I think they saw each other very recently. We haven’t seen them together for weeks, now. Does that mean they’re not spending time together? Absolutely not. And the translation about Jimin and Jungkook’s lamp is the proof. Jungkook talks about Jimin like he’s talking about an angel. Maybe, I say, they’re seeing each other even more than we imagine. In private, just JK and JM. And that’s why things seem to be so fine between them. 
Jungkook has a different light in his eyes, in his expressions, when he sees Jimin but in the last months, in general, compared to the first months of the year. I would like to talk about his lives too, but I already wrote a lot. Thank you if you arrived here., thank you for your attention. I would like to end this saying one last thing: this men are strong. Not only in the shoulders and legs, but in the soul. In the heart. Their love is a prize because, maybe, is the only thing that forces them to step away from the spotlight and to live in private, with no lights on, with none recording.
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I’m not saying that this is completely right. I’m sure that despite the efforts, Jimin and Jungkook still have, deep in themselves, the need to show this precious gift to the world, and it’s fine. But they can’t, at least for now, and they must have learned to see the good side of it. I’m sure they understood that it’s not about hiding anymore, not like they used to. They’re not kids anymore, afraid of their feelings, of who they are, people’s opinions about their interactions, their glances, their songs’ lyrics. This relationship is about protecting it from hate, from the flashes of the cameras that would wear it out. Protecting it from a bad ending, where stress and success would ruin it.
Like Crazy ends with a whisper saying “what’s the point”. I think Jimin and Jungkook asked themselves this question a lot. We’re all on a floating rock without an apparent reason, and we impose ourselves to live to the fullest the time that we have left on it, because something amazing could come out. What’s the point? Well, there is no point. No pre-estabilished one, at least. You find yours, it’s a choice. Jimin and Jungkook chose to don’t give up and to live to the fullest, with the right possibilities. They made the story, and their bond will remain forever in the people that were able to appreciate it. Jimin and Jungkook chose to follow their hearts, and that’s when they discovered love.
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