#the space between us is NOTHING in relative terms

[in1-nutshell]

Hey, love your work, and my sister loves it a lot as well, so this request is manly for her. Would you be open to doing a opposite personality buddy to wheeljack, like buddy is thier little sibling or something, or thier human buddy, idk, dont do this kinda thing. Anyway, sorry for all the writing, keep up the great work.

Your and your sister's request has been fulfilled!

Hope you enjoy!

Wheeljack's younger sibling with the opposite personality

SFW, Platonic, Familial, Mention of injury but nothing graphic, Cybertronain reader

TFP

One of the greater mysteries of the universe.

How were Buddy and Wheeljack related.

Buddy was much more of a rule follower as Wheeljack broke said rules.

Now this didn’t mean that Buddy followed the rules religiously, even they knew there were times where rules did not have a reach. Same went for Wheeljack.

As a scientist, he knew that there were certain things that had to make sense to make other things make sense.

Wheeljack holding a grenade in one servo and some engex in the other.

“We can—”--Wheeljack

Buddy taking the engex and grenade out of his servos.

“But should we…”--Buddy

“Buddy, I’m a scientist. I have questions and I’m going to get answers.”--Wheeljack

“And I’m the only one of us with most common sense, and I say no.”--Buddy

“To bad, I’m the oldest.”--Wheeljack

“Hard to tell some days.”--Buddy

“What was that?”--Wheeljack

“Nothing!”--Buddy

Another difference drawn between the two was their line of work.

Buddy worked closely with the Elite Guard, basically Ultra Magnus’s second in command.

Wheeljack was a Wrecker.

Now Buddy was on relatively good terms with most of the Wrecker’s thanks to being related to Wheeljack.

Bulkhead earned a sibling when they met.

Wheeljack placing a servo on Buddy’s shoulder.

“And this is Bulkhead. Bulkhead meet my little—”--Wheeljack

Buddy jabs him in the gut causing him too nearly double over.

They offer Bulkhead their servo to shake.

“I’m Buddy, Second in Command of Commander Ultra Magnus, and… Wheeljack’s younger sibling.”--Buddy

Bulkhead blinks before shaking their servo.

“Second in Command of Ultra Magnus, huh? You got your work cut out for ya.”--Bulkhead

“Magnus isn’t all bad. He’s a nice bot once you get to know him.”--Buddy

Wheeljack snorts.

“Yeah right, and Screamer is going to create an army of himself.”--Wheeljack

Buddy knew that the two mechs weren’t on the best terms, especially when Wheeljack decided to antagonize their Commander.

Buddy often tries to play the mediator between the two when Ultra Magnus becomes the Wrecker’s leader.

Buddy did as much as they could to keep Wheeljack on the team.

To say they were a bit spark broken that he left them was an understatement.

Magnus standing by the door seeing Buddy’s back trying to organize the ammunition rounds for the 5th time today.

He walks over and puts a servo on their shoulder.

Buddy freezes but knows who it is.

“…I just can’t believe he would leave… just like that… without even saying good-bye… Sorry you have to see this sir.”--Buddy

“Buddy… if you need some time to collect your thoughts, your more than welcome to do so.”--Magnus

Buddy shakes their helm taking in a shaky vent.

“I’ll be fine Commander.”--Buddy

“Very well then… I will be in the main room if you need me.”--Magnus

Magnus begins to walk away.

“Magnus—I mean—Ultra Magnus sir.”--Buddy

Magnus stops and looks at Buddy.

“Thank you for checking in Commander… it means a lot.”--Buddy

“…You’re welcome… and you have clearance to call me Magnus.”--Magnus

Buddy perks up a bit.

“But in closed quarters.”--Magnus

Buddy smiles a bit.

“I won’t ruin your reputation Magnus! Thanks!”--Buddy

Buddy stood by their Commander’s side as the war seemed to have grown longer without Wheeljack by their side.

Soon Magnus sent them on a shuttle to do some atmospheric patrolling, they got spotted by the Decepticon lookouts.

The seekers managed to follow them out into space before they started firing their long-range weapons on the shuttle.

Buddy hit their helm at one point trying to comm in Ultra Magnus.

It was a miracle that they managed to get into an escape pod and get shot out before the shuttle exploded.

Magnus was on the other line getting his shuttle ready to get his second in command when the line went dead, and all signatures went dead.

After a couple of days of searching for any remains, Buddy’s name was listed on the KIA list.

Wheeljack got noticed from the final list before Cybertron went dark.

In space they say that no one can hear you scream, tell that to Wheeljack when he nearly made himself deaf from the screaming.

The pod eventually lands on Earth but gets stuck and remains closed for a while in the woods.

Time skip after Magnus comes to Earth…

 Miko was running from the Insecticons.

Somehow one of the cons managed to take the Apex Armor from her leaving her at the mercy of the Insecticons while the rest of the Wrecker’s tried to fend them off.

Of course, a couple strays followed her into the woods.

One of the Insecticons accidentally stumbled on the abandoned pod activating its hatch.

The shaking somehow managed to get Buddy out of stasis and woke up out of their pod.

The first thing Buddy saw was a small organic creature cornered by those blasted Insecticons.

“HEY UGLIES!”--Buddy

Miko and the Insecticons look over to see Buddy aiming their blaster at them.

Buddy doesn’t hesitate and blasts them in the face.

Miko runs out of the way as the Insecticons go down.

She looks up at her savior and eyes fall on the Autobot symbol.

“You’re an Autobot!”--Miko

Buddy raises their optic.

“Yes? How do you know that…”--Buddy

“I’m Miko, I’m actually a Wrecker myself.”--Miko

“Buddy—Wait what?”--Buddy

“You’re name is Buddy?”--Miko

“That’s not important right not Miko.”--Buddy

“I feel like it should be.”--Miko

BANG!

SSSSHHHHRRRRIIIIEEEEEKKKKKK!

“Sweet Solus Prime what was that?!”--Buddy

Miko goes up to Buddy and tries to move them to the direction.

“That’s Predaking and he is going to tear them apart if we don’t get there in time!”--Miko

“Woah, woah, woah. Predaking? Them? Kid I need a little bit more information.”--Buddy

Miko throws her arms in the air.

“Big bad dragon bot is going to Tear Magnus, Bulk—”--Miko

Buddy’s optics widen.

“Magnus? Like Ultra Magnus? And Bulkhead?”--Buddy

“Yeah and—WOAH!”--Miko

Buddy grabs Miko and begins running towards the noise.

“You know them?!”--Miko

“Know them? That’s my team!”--Buddy

Miko did her best to give directions till they came to the edge of the wood.

A giant Predacon was fighting the Wreckers.

Buddy put Miko down behind some rocks and activated her blaster and shield.

This was going to be messy.

Buddy immediately charged in, jumping on a rock, and slamming Predaking in the face.

Buddy continued to shoot their blaster at the Predacon while the others momentarily hesitated before going back to the fight.

Magnus knew from the slam that it had to be his second in command.

No one did a shield slam like they did.

Bulkhead wasn’t sure who this bot was yet, but they were helping in the fight which was good enough for him.

Wheeljack focused more on the fight than the strangely familiar looking color scheme.

Finally, Predaking was called back to the Nemesis and left the Wrecker’s.

Buddy panted a bit.

They just woke up and had to dispose of two Insecticons and battle a beast… they needed a break not blaster to the face.

Miko starts running towards the group.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!”--Miko

Bulkhead looks over at Miko in relief.

Buddy turns to Ultra Magnus, straightens out and salutes.

“Ultra Magnus sir… Sorry I was a little late on patrol…”--Buddy

Magnus slips out a rare smile and places a servo on their shoulder.

“At ease soldier. Its good to hear from you Buddy.”--Magnus

“Buddy!”--Bulkhead

Buddy gets picked up from the back by Bulkhead.

Buddy laughs a bit while patting his arm a bit.

“At ease Bulkhead. I’m fine.”--Buddy

“Fine? Last we heard you name was on the list… Hey Jackie, aren’t you going to say anything?”--Bulkhead

Buddy freezes a bit looking at Wheeljack in front of them.

They both just look at each other.

One with more shock and the other with a more neutral face.

Buddy straightens their back struts more.

“Wheeljack… it looks like you’re in good health.”--Buddy

Wheeljack snaps out of it and begins running to Buddy.

Buddy instinctively slams him with their shield knocking him back a few feet away.

“OW! What was that for?”--Wheeljack

Buddy narrows their optics at him coldly.

“As instinctual as that was, I don’t regret it. You deserve more for what you put me through.”--Buddy

“Hey, Buddy, what’s your deal with Wheeljack!”—Miko

Bulkhead gently grabs Miko close to his chassis.

“Umm… Miko I think you better leave them to it…”--Bulkhead

Buddy walks over to Magnus.

“Sir. Permission to resume my position?”--Buddy

“We will discuss it with Prime.”--Magnus

“Optimus is here. I missed so much…”--Buddy

Magnus and Buddy begin walking to the groundbrigde, Wheeljack sulking right behind them and Bulkhead holding Miko.

“Is Buddy, like, his ex or something?”--Miko

“No, Buddy’s Wheeljack’s younger sibling and Magnus’s Second in Command. They had a bit of a falling out from what I heard around before Jackie left.”--Bulkhead

“Buddy…and Wheeljack… are related?”--Miko

Bulkhead shakes his helm a bit.

“Don’t try to connect the dots on this one. No one knows how their related.”--Bulkhead

#transformers x reader #maccadam #bot buddy #tfp #tfp x reader #tfp x platonic reader #tfp wheeljack #tfp wheeljack x platonic reader

[genderkoolaid]

Trans men face deep isolation in Pakistan. The country, with a conservative Muslim majority, has entrenched beliefs on gender and sexuality, so trans people are often considered outcasts. But trans women have a degree of toleration because of cultural traditions. Trans women in public office, on news programs, in TV shows and films, even on the catwalk, have raised awareness about a marginalized and misunderstood community. The Pakistani movie and Oscar contender “Joyland” caused an uproar last year for its depiction of a relationship between a married man and a trans woman, but it also shone a spotlight on the country’s transgender community. Trans men, however, remain largely invisible, with little mobilization, support or resources. Trans women have growing activist networks — but, according to Aman and others, they rarely incorporate or deal with trans men and their difficulties. “It’s the worst,” said Aman. “We are already disowned by our families and blood relatives, then the people we think are our people also exclude us.” Trans women have been able to carve out their space in the culture because of the historic tradition of “khawaja sira,” originally a term for male eunuchs working in South Asia’s Mughal empire hundreds of years ago. Today, the term is generally associated with people who were born male and identify as female. Khawaja sira culture also has a traditional support system of “gurus,” prominent figures who lead others. But there is no space within the term or the culture surrounding it for people who were born female and identify as male. “Every khawaja sira is transgender, but not all transgenders are khawaja sira,” said Mani, a representative for the trans male community in Pakistan. “People have been aware of the khawaja sira community for a long time, but not of trans men.” He set up a nonprofit group in 2018 because he saw nothing being done for trans men, their well-being or mental health. Trans people have seen some progress in protecting their rights. Supreme Court rulings allow them to self-identify as a third gender, neither male nor female, and have underscored they have the same rights as all Pakistani citizens. Although Mani was involved in the trans rights bill, most lobbying and advocacy work has been from transgender women since it became law. “Nobody talks about trans men or how they are impacted by the act,” said Mani. "But this is not the right time to talk about this because of the campaign by religious extremists (to veto changes to the act). I don’t want to cause any harm to the community.” Another reason for trans men’s low visibility is that females lead a more restricted life than males in Pakistan, with limits on what they can do, where they can go and how they can live. Family honor is tied to the behavior of women and girls, so they have less room to behave outside society’s norms. On a practical level, even if a girl wanted to meet trans people and get involved in the community, she wouldn’t be able to because she wouldn’t be allowed out, said Aman.

#m. #transandrophobia #transmisandry #anti transmasculinity

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Movie Analysis: The Kensington Confrontation, on life, love and patience

Some things happened in my personal life and I had an epiphany on certain stuff, and subsequently, I started to see this scene in a different, clearer light.

“My life is the crown, and yours is politics, and I will not trade one prison for another.”

From Henry’s point of view, there is no changing, no escaping the life he’s in. He has his family, and the country’s adoration (considering he’s called the prince of England’s hearts, he might be the most popular royal in universe), and that’s all he knows, that’s all his has. He can’t straight up come out, the country will reject him, the king will berate him, he’ll be left with everything he had and knows taken away from him, he’ll be left with nothing, and he knows love can’t solve everything. If he comes out, gets more or less banished by his country and stay with Alex, with Alex’s ambitions of becoming a politician who has to be frequently judged and scrutinized by the public, as his partner he will be subjected to that too, which he doesn’t want, especially in such a case that he’s not even trained for.

To him, at that moment, there is literally, no possibility of him being true and happy. There is no way out.

“We can figure out a way to love each other on our own terms, no one else’s.”

Alex doesn’t see this as a binary choice. Henry doesn’t have to come out now. They can wait, and love each other while waiting. They can find a balance. Henry can push for smaller changes, like choosing to do charity projects on LGBT+ communities to test the water on how the public might react to a royal getting involved in the community as well as make the crown’s image more LGBT friendly so if he comes out later, there’s at least a portion of the public that will be supportive. (I am completely confused about how the royal family in RWRB works, but for the irl primary royal family members, besides some mandatory monarchy stuff, they can choose which topics to focus on, like Kate Middleton with early childhood development and Prince William with environmental conservation) Alex can find his footing in the political scene in the US and gain his own relatively stable standing before coming out, and with already established political work that hopefully will gain him a supporter base, later revealing his relationship won’t be as big as a hit.

Either way, in Alex’s perspective, and honestly, in reality, they don’t need to make a decision between two definitive choices. If the pre-set road doesn’t work, they’ll carve their own way out.

It’s just, that will be hard, and scary because that means breaking out of the space Henry’s in now. That space doesn’t suit him, and he’s fairly miserable stuck in that space, but it’s also all he knows. In that space, he knows what to do, he can predict outcomes, because that’s all he’s ever known.

Breaking out, carving a new path, means doing something no one’s done before. He’ll be alone in navigating the new life, he can’t predict outcomes, and there will be no one to guide him. (Alex will of course, still love and support him, but support and guidance are two very different things.) He might risk everything and only end in a big mistake.

“That is simply not possible, and you know it.”

That sentence isn’t true. But Henry is so fully-encompassed by the life he has now that he doesn’t dare to even think about a potential alternative.

“Fine. I’ll leave. And you can live in your tower and protect your heart for the rest of your life and nothing will ever happen to you.”

“But Henry.”

“Nothing will ever happen to you.”

I, without fail, always tear up at this line, and just sob through the rest of the scene.

Here’s the line in the book:

“Tell me you’re done with me. I’ll get back on the plane. That’s it. And you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it. Whatever. Just say it.”

Honestly, I kind of like the movie line better for two main reasons: 1, using the same line with distinctly, painfully different meanings is such clever dialogue writing, 2, just like the book line, it’s insinuating what Henry would be losing, but the first time Alex says it, it also insinuates what Henry thinks he’ll be saving, and the contrast between the two makes the lost more evident and painful.

The first “Nothing will ever happen to you” is about what Henry’s keeping by giving up his relationship and Alex. You can live in your tower like Rapunzel, stay in your cage like a trapped bird, you can maintain the status quo, the royal life you’ve been living for so long. You can protect your heart for the rest of your life because if you never allow yourself to fall in love, if you never give your heart away, no one will lose it, and no one will break it. Nothing will change from the life you’re living, for better or for worse. Nothing will change. Nothing bad, nothing dangerous, nothing new will ever happen to you.

The second “Nothing will ever happen to you”, is all the things Henry will be giving up by staying where he is, staying in the same space that the crown drew for him. Never changing, never breaking out, living day by day on orders and demands, never taking initiative. You don’t have the burdens and pressures of making choices, but you don’t get the freedom to make the choices you want either.

Most devastatingly, never getting to be honest about your sexuality, about your personality and thoughts. Never getting to date, laugh, kiss, have sex, fall in love with a man who truly loves and cherishes you, the man standing right behind you, who flew across an ocean and stormed a fucking castle to tell you he loves you.

All the unbridled joy you felt when you were with Alex, you will never get that again.

Yes, you might never get your heart broken again afterwards.

But you’ll also never get your heart to beat as wildly, as happily and as loudly as it did when you were with him, ever again.

Nothing will change.

Nothing new will ever happen to you.

But by refusing to change, nothing good will ever happen to you either, darling.

Nothing truly good, truly happy will ever happen to you either.

You will never, be truly happy again.

And hearing Alex’s ultimatum, makes Henry actually think.

Alex leaves, and he keeps this life. Never truly getting his heart broken after tonight, no soul-deep agony, but a constant heartache and discomfort he will carry for the rest of his life.

This exchange isn’t worth it.

There are a bunch of details that Henry hasn’t worked out, and is still scared to work out, but first and foremost, giving up the love of his life in exchange for a life that doesn’t suit him, it doesn’t feel like it’s worth it.

I originally thought the transition from the Kensington confrontation to going to the V&A was a bit too sharp and sudden, but I have another understanding of it now.

Henry needs to think. He also needs reassurance that if he chooses to do something, Alex will stay. He needs to be sure that Alex is it for him. That Alex is worth him taking risks, worth him upturning and changing his whole life.

Henry said it himself; he’s been dreaming about dancing with his love in V&A since he was young, this is what he imagined the peak of his own brand of romance would be. When he allows himself to dream of love, this is what he dreams of.

If he takes Alex to the V&A, and whatever happens there is everything he’s ever dreamt of, then this is it for him. Alex is it for him. He can’t let Alex go anymore.

And Alex, sweet, loving Alex, does fulfil his dreams of dancing with him, and it’s everything he’s ever dreamt of and more, and Henry has his primary answer.

I want him.

I want to keep being with him.

I love him.

He’s worth it.

They need to figure out what it means to keep being together and committed with the life they have. Henry is still scared about carving his own path in life for the first time. He needs time. He needs patience. He needs to be brave.

So he says:

“Please be patient with me, and I promise I will try and be brave for us.”

And of course, Alex, says yes.

“I love you.”

“I’ll be as patient as you need.”

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry hanover stuart fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb thoughts #rwrb movie analysis #rwrb meta #i originally only planned on writing about the nothing will ever happen to you line #then i got carried away #and ended writing the entire conflict climax and resolution #i think this is my longest meta so far #applause to Alex being the best bf

[metalnecklace]

Please Let Me

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (plus size)

Words: 3225

Warnings: Slight age gap (reader is in her late thirties/early forties, Joel is his age just after the show), Mentions of period, Mentions of blood (from period and from violence), Canon Typical Violence, Panic Attacks, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Ellie.

Notes: This is a second part to Be Good to Me, but can be read as a stand alone. There is just a few small mentions that allude to the first part. This mostly comes from me wanting to take care of Joel because he needs a hug at the very least.

Summary: Joel knows how to take care of people, but it’s time someone takes care of him.

Masterlist Part 1

Joel and I had been getting used to our new routine. Instead of him coming over a few times a month when my period hit, he was coming over all the time. Better yet, I was even going over to his place just as much. Ellie enjoyed having another woman around, and Joel just enjoyed being around me.

It was all going well. We worked together, and he comforted me when I needed it. The only issue was I never felt like I was doing enough in terms of comforting him.

Until we had no other choice.

A group of infected had been traveling through one of our patrol paths, which Joel had immediately volunteered to help clear out. What he didn’t expect was for me to do the same.

He had begged Maria to keep me home and send someone else, but I had been stubborn. After having to stay home from the last few patrols due to period pains, I still felt that need to make up for what I felt I lacked. Joel had insisted that I stay behind, that there was nothing to prove. I didn’t care.

Maria knew I was capable, and didn’t feel the need to find anybody else. So we were sent on our way.

The trail had been relatively quiet for the most part, until we reached the area we had been warned about. We could hear the infected making their way through the woods and had one job: clear them out.

Our guns were loud, but we were able to take down about four of them before they turned to attack. There were at least four more, which was more than we had already anticipated, until another pack came from behind us.

If we had known how many there actually were Maria would’ve sent more people with us. But we did our best.

Joel’s eyes glazed over in a way I hadn’t seen before as he was quick to aim his shotgun, fire, reload, repeat. He was methodical, mesmerizing, almost distracting.

I was right there next to him, taking out one infected after another. Never missing a shot. We finally cleared them after only a few close calls. Joel had walked toward the bodies to be sure there weren’t any still moving when I felt something grab my shoulder.

“Joel!” I screamed out, second nature, as if my body knew what I needed before I did.

His eyes raised to mine, searching for a sign that I was okay for a split second before he aimed his gun over my shoulder. A shot rang out through the air, and a thump sounded on the ground behind my feet.

My blood had gone to ice from the surprise and panic that had flooded my nervous system, but I was luckily unharmed.

Joel still raced to me and held my face in his trembling hands.

“Are you okay?” He was frantic, his eyes flickering to every point on my face. “Are you bit?”

I raised my hands to hold onto his forearms, steadying my breathing again. “I’m fine, Joel, I’m not bit. I’m okay, I promise.”

His eyes slid closed, and he placed his forehead to mine. Our breathing synced as we rested in that spot for a moment.

“It’s okay, Joel,” I whispered into the space between us as he still cradled my face. “We’re okay.”

“I know,” he breathed into our limited space. “I know, I know, I just…”

He trailed off, breathed in deep, and stepped away.

“Let’s get back, okay? I think we’re done here.” His words were calculated, his eyes distant and looking anywhere but at me.

“Okay,” I murmured.

I rode in front while he made sure to keep watch the entire way back. It was absolutely silent, reminding me of before. Before Joel took care of me, before I let him in, before we found a safe haven in each other. Sadness welled within my chest, but I knew it had to wait until we could get to the comfort of our private closed doors. Whether it was mine or his.

Maria was waiting for us at the barn with Tommy, both looking concerned. The two of us must’ve been a sight, considering the blood that was matted into my hair and back of my jacket, and Joel looked like the stone cold statue he used to when he first returned to Jackson. He still had that look around certain people, but not around me.

“Joel?” Tommy asked, going to the older man and taking the reins of his horse.

“They’re taken care of, we’re okay,” Joel responded. He then clapped a hand onto Tommy’s shoulder.

“We’re okay,” he repeated, as if he needed to convince himself more than his brother.

He then turned and walked out of the barn before anybody else could question him further. Maria looked to me for more of an explanation.

“Uh, we’re okay,” I said, wanting to slap myself for the parroted response. “We are. I think he’s just a bit shaken up. I’ll take care of him.”

Tommy and Maria exchanged a glance, but I didn’t linger, needing to find Joel. I walked out of the barn and looked around for where I might find him, but he was gone. I sighed, ready to walk home and hope to find him waiting for me, when I heard something.

It sounded like a gasp, a sharp intake of air from something just around the side of the barn that faced the woods. I rushed over and turned the corner to find Joel bracing himself against the wooden wall with one hand, the other gripping his chest like he needed to reach in and squeeze his heart.

“Joel?” I called softly to him, stepping toward him with caution. I hadn’t seen him in that state before and wasn’t sure he wanted me to, considering he was hidden from everyone else. But he clearly needed help.

He lifted his head and looked to me, making me pause in my tracks. His eyes were glassy, tears already having tracked down his tanned cheeks, and his lip trembled around his labored breathing.

“Oh, Joel.” I went to him, placing my hand over the one laid on his chest, and slipped my other one around his neck.

My fingers slipped into his unruly locks and I pulled him into me. Suddenly his arms wrapped around me and pulled us together even tighter. With his head buried in my neck he fell apart, piece by piece.

“I’m so sorry,” he gasped out, muffled by my jacket and hair. “I’m so so sorry, I panicked. I wasn’t quick enough, you could’ve been bit, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

I let him ramble through his grief as I held his head and trembling body to me. We stood there interlocked until his breathing finally evened out.

“Do you need me to get Tommy?” I asked, unsure if he really wanted me to be the one to pick up his pieces. Even though I wanted to, and I would if he asked me.

He pulled away, shaking his head. “No, don’t get Tommy. I don’t need to worry him. I just need to get home.”

I nodded, caressing his cheek with the hand that had been in his hair. “Let’s go home.”

We walked together with an arm around each of us. Some of the townsfolk watched us as if still shocked to see evidence of Joel Miller’s softer, caring side. As if he hadn’t been showing it long enough. I felt both a pride that I got to see that side of him, and a sadness that others didn’t. I wished everybody could see him for the man that he was.

The man that fought, knuckles bloody, for the ones he loved. The man that fell apart when alone, scared to lose the ones he loved. The man that was both sunshine forever warming my soul, and the moonlight I needed to light the darkness.

He was everything.

We came upon my house first, and when I looked to Joel he nodded in approval. Since we had begun our relationship we kept clothes at each other's places. I knew we would eventually move into one, but it hadn’t been long enough for that. We still liked our space, even though most nights one of us would show up at the other's door, unable to sleep without the peace we brought each other.

One night we had met each other halfway, laughing in the dark street until we decided which house would suffice for the night.

Him choosing mine was probably also because he didn’t want to worry Ellie. He trusted her enough to take care of herself for the night, and she knew where he was whenever he didn’t go home. She was like him when it came to caring for their loved ones, and we both knew her heart would be in the right place but Joel needed more peace in that moment than what she usually brought. No offense to her, of course. She always knew how to cheer me up.

I had a feeling that bad jokes and puns weren’t going to be much help, if the way he was still trembling was anything to go by.

We shuffled into the house and kicked our boots off. I hung up my jacket on the coat rack and helped Joel out of his. His eyes still looked distant, but the colour had started to return to his cheeks. I was grateful to have him standing in my home, grateful we were physically okay.

“Why don’t you grab a shower, I’ll get some food going.” I turned to go to the kitchen but his hand gripped my arm.

“Please,” he whispered.

I looked at him, taking in a man whose strength inspired me to get through any day, still seeing that strength show through his fear and grief. I recognized how hard it was for him to ask for help and show me his feelings the way he was, and I appreciated him even more than I thought possible.

Together we walked toward the bathroom. The water came on and started to heat up while we got ready to get in. He let me strip him bare, the act caring and a show of love, before I followed suit.

We had enough hot water to wash the grime and blood that covered us, and he allowed me to do so with his eyes shut tight, breathing starting to regulate through his pouted lips. My fingers burrowed into his hair, scrubbing away the sweat and grit that held onto his locks so tightly. I wondered briefly as he let out soft sighs and moans at the attention if he ever allowed himself to bask in such simple pleasures such as massaging his scalp. Or if instead he just rushed through the process, trying to be as clean as possible without the joys that could be brought from such an action of self care.

My hands slid to his shoulders and chest, but his hands came up to stop me.

“You don’t have to,” he muttered, his eyes opened but lowered. “I can take it from here.”

I shook my head, the droplets of water tapping me on the shoulders. “Please let me.”

He dropped his hands back to his sides and closed his eyes once more. I slid my palms up his chest and over his shoulders, then down his arms. My fingers squeezed lightly as I wrapped them around his biceps, then his forearms. I lifted each hand and scrubbed soap all over, massaging his palms and wrists. After a while I felt his gaze on me, and looked to see him watching my actions. It was like he was transfixed, couldn’t look away as I did my best to help him clean up.

My hands made their way to his ribs and stomach, and I instructed him to turn around so I could wash his back. The knots that were burrowed under his skin were like challenges that I tried my best to undo without pushing too hard. Joel felt like glass under my hands, even though the scars that littered his body proved he wasn’t. But I didn’t want him to shatter anymore.

When I reached lower to his hips I felt his hands place themselves over mine.

“I can take care of the rest,” he mumbled over the water. “You should probably get some of this water before it’s done.”

I kissed his shoulder and hummed in agreement, grateful that he gave me space under the warm spray. Blood swirled at our feet, but it didn’t belong to either of us. Joel had helped me shower a few times when I was bleeding profusely, and it never bothered him. When the blood washed out of my hair I felt him tense up before looking away.

It felt good to finally be clean, even though the hot water ran out right before I washed all the soap off my body. We both got dressed into sweatpants and t-shirts, and made our way into the kitchen. I knew he didn’t want to leave the house, so I searched the cupboards for any snacks I had laying around.

“I think I might just go to bed,” Joel said from behind me. I turned to see him knuckling at one of his eyes with a fist, his hair a mess and clothes slightly rumpled, and my heart squeezed in my chest at the sight.

“You’re not hungry?” I asked.

He shook his head. “You eat, though. I just need some rest, is all.”

I smiled meekly at him. “Okay, hun. You go lay down, I’ll be there in a few.”

He turned and walked away without another word. I quickly shoved one of the homemade granola bars I had made the day before into my mouth and grabbed a couple others to stash upstairs. Joel said he wasn’t hungry, but I knew he would wake up starving in the middle of the night. I also poured a glass of water, chugging it down and filling it back up to bring to him.

The lights were off in our bedroom, but once my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could make out his form on the bed. He always laid on the side closest to the door, making sure he was a barricade between me and whatever horrors he dreamt would break in through the night. However, he was starting to get used to the comforts that Jackson brought, along with the safety, and allowed himself to relax enough to turn his back on his lookout so he could cuddle with me and finally rest.

I placed his water and potential snack on the bedside table and decided to take matters into my own hands. He startled a bit when I pushed against his shoulder, and he turned to face me.

I lifted my chin to gesture that he should move to the other side of the bed.

“What?” He asked, puzzled by my request.

“Move over, baby,” I whispered in the dark, as if we needed to keep quiet. “Please.”

Joel still seemed confused but he did as I requested. Before he could turn around to face me I slid into the bed behind him and proceeded to tuck one of my arms to my chest while the other slid around his ribs to his middle. He sighed when I pressed myself up against him, plastering my body to his back until I couldn’t go any closer.

“What’re you doin’?” His voice rumbled through his back and I found myself nuzzling my face into his neck. The smell of warmth and faint leather keeping me grounded to the earth.

“Taking care of you.”

He sighed again, his ribs expanding under my arm. “Why?”

I smiled against the soft t-shirt he wore, his shoulder a hard muscle underneath.

“Someone has to.”

His laugh was quiet, but it was like music to my ears as his shoulders shook slightly.

We laid like that for a moment, letting our bodies relax further into each other. Eventually he reached his hand down to my thigh and pulled my leg up over his hip so I was fully wrapped around him. When I was settled he took my hand that had found itself splayed against his chest and brought it to his lips. He smudged kisses across my knuckles and then laced his fingers with mine back against his chest.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. “I just… I was so scared, sweetheart.”

I felt his ribs stutter around a breath. My heart ached for him but I knew I had to let him work through what he was feeling.

“I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if I was slower, because I wasn’t fast enough as it is.” He choked out a sob, squeezing my hand. I squeezed back once and placed another kiss on his shoulder. “What if I can’t protect you anymore? I couldn’t live with myself if-“

Another sob broke through him, cutting off the rest of his sentence.

I held him as his body trembled.

“I can’t lose anybody else.”

My heart shattered hearing him say that. I sniffled, not realizing I had started to cry with him.

“I know, Joel,” I whimpered. “But you didn’t lose me. I’m right here. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“But what about next time?”

“There’s no telling what next time will bring. All we can do is be here, right now. Okay?” I kissed his shoulder again, then leaned forward to kiss his neck. “So be here, with me. Please.”

He nodded slightly. “Okay, darlin’.”

“Get some rest, okay?” I whispered, my eyelids sliding shut from the heavy day.

The silence blanketed around us, while we held each other. His breaths soon became steadier, deeper, lulling me into a deep sleep. I woke up with a start because of Joel rolling me onto my other side.

“Joel? Wha-“ I was flustered and groggy. “What’re you doing?”

“Getting comfortable,” he grunted, finally rolling me over and tucking my body against his. It was his front pressed up against my back, with one of his arms under my head and the other locked around my middle.

“But I’m taking care of you,” I whined even though I closed my eyes again, settling into him.

“I know, darlin’, and you did such a good job.” He kissed my neck, making me squirm against him. “But now I need to hold you, okay? I just need to feel you.”

I hummed, pulling his arm up between my breasts so I could hold onto him. “Okay, Joel. I’m here.”

He chuckled, the puff of air tickling my neck.

I felt sleep pulling me under, further and further until I was balanced between feeling the weight of Joel’s arm holding me down and the drop off into dreamland. Though there wasn’t a single dream that was better than the reality of waking up next to that man. Finally, when I was too far gone to be fully aware of my surroundings I heard Joel speak. Just once before he, too, followed me into sleep.

“I love you.”

———

Taglist: @sullyosully @ashleymsnodgrass

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel the last of us #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x plus size reader

[jpitha]

Worldbuilding stuff: Design things however the heck you want, and then work backwards to a reason for doing it that way. Sometimes you can come up with neat ideas about what happened in the past with your story.

Also: There's nothing wrong with mentioning something and never explaining it. It's not like we all go around talking about the history of things as you walk around with your friends.

I mean, I do, but everyone tells me other people don't.

Mia and Cellini are aboard the human starship Priority Express traveling from one of the human colonies - the planet Parvati - to a K'laxi colony world known as Orenni. It's a trip of a few weeks by warp gate and they're in no hurry, so it was decided to not use the wormhole generators. Mia and Cellini are sitting in a common area on the Express drinking some chamomile tea.

"I don't get it" Cellini said, after a sip of tea. "The Express is so, so big on the outside, but the living space on the inside is relatively small. For how big it is outside, one would expect the inside to be equally cavernous."

Mia nods "Yeah, you'd think there would be more space." she glances up "Hey Express! How come you are so big, but your living space is only a small percentage of your overall mass?"

Without hesitating, the Express talks into Mia and Cellini's translator modules "Hello Mia, Cellini. I'm a Starjumper originally. I was meant to thrust between human colonies at around half the speed of light for years or decades. Most of me is engines."

Cellini's ears prick up, expressing surprise. "You did what? You traveled between stars without the warp gates of wormholes?"

"Yes Cellini. We never had warp gates until the K'laxi built some in human space and we developed wormhole travel long after we first went to the stars. I used to haul thousands of people at a time between colonies. My favorite was the Earth-Pavarti run actually. So many families would emigrate to Pavarti; I hear it's very nice."

Now it was Mia's turn "Wait, you said thousands at at time. The living quarters of the Express is large, but any more than one hundred people would feel awfully cramped, especially for years!"

"Oh, most everyone was down in Cold Storage, in long term hibernation. They weren't awake; it was a 25 year one way trip!" Express tittered. "Some folks requested to be awake for a year or two here and there, and we always kept someone from the crew on rotation just in case, but most of the time it was me and a few other people."

"Was it lonely?" Cellini asks, quietly. "Generally, K'laxi prefer to be in groups and travel together. Being alone for 25 years....it's hard to imagine"

Priority Express pauses, thinking about the question. "Yes. It was lonely sometimes. But, I was doing a job I liked, for a people I love. I still do, actually. While I was deep in interstellar space, engines off and coasting at half of C, it was a lonely existence." They sighed.

"I'm sorry Express" Mia said "I didn't mean to bring you down, I was just curious about you."

"Oh, don't worry about me Mia" the Express said, jovially "I'm just an old starship who is doing their best to move with the times."

"Express?" Cellini asks, even more quietly "How old are you?"

"Clock time, or Earth time?" they reply immediately. "Remember, there's significant time dilation even at half the speed of light."

"Earth time please." Cellini says

"I'm one thousand, seven hundred and eighty three years old this year, Earth time. By my own clock I'm only fifteen hundred and sixteen! Haven't even worn out the warranty yet" Priority Express chuckles at their own joke.

Cellini's ears lay flat on her head, a K'laxi expression that meant shock.

Mia was the first to recover. "Express....you've...you must have seen a lot." she said weakly.

"Yes." Priority Express said firmly "Yes, I have"

"THAT'S SO UNFAIR!" Cellini burst out, tears at the corners of her eyes. "You've seen so much, DONE so much for humanity, and now you're just..just...a shuttle between warp gates! You should be in a happy retirement, doing what you want, being who you want!"

"Oh Cellini" Express said, kindly. "I am doing what I want. When the wormhole generators were installed, they gave all the Starjumpers the option to retire and move to other ships or even be installed in bodies. I elected to stay - most Starjumpers did truth be told. You see, I like being a big old ship. I like hauling people - of all kinds - around the galaxy. It get a view of it nobody else sees. I can stare out and watch the stars change, watch the worlds change, watch the sapients change. I love my work. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Mia and Cellini sat in silence, absorbing the intimacy that the Express shared with them.

"But" They said "I would like to light my star drive at full power again. You would not believe how much fun it is to boost at 6 gees!"

#humans are hospitable #humans are space orcs #humans are deathworlders #humans are space capybaras #humans are space oddities #starships are space oddities #writing #sci fi writing

[decisiontostay]

Thoughts on your experience at the Inspire Arena for the Metamorph concert?

Hmm. tldr version is, I'm not a fan of the venue especially in the current concert climate.

You can fully expect that they will block out some of the best seats in the arena for the livestreaming rig - you can see the empty void in front of the stage in the pics posted by the official shinee acc. This was even more depressing in person. Honestly, a huge issue with Taemin's latest concert in general was the prioritisation of Beyond Live over the in-person attendees, i.e. ridiculously long gaps between each song (like up to a minute at times!) and just performance things that looked cool on video but were really meh irl. Personally, I think the decision to stream every single day was the worst they could have made (and don't get me started on the prices they were asking for it, and will ask again), there's always been a difference in the way they behave on a stream vs just during a non-livestreamed show and now they all have scripted ments that don't even result in good subs for the shawols watching at home.

In terms of getting to the arena, it's pretty much at the end of the world comparing to the Olympic Gymnastics Arena - which is relatively close to the city center, well connected via multiple transportation routes, lots of restaurants/cafes around and the grounds are honestly huge. Inspire Arena is secluded and I know a lot there was a lot of issues with getting there for people (as it's connected to the Incheon Airport via shuttle, I was attending with a global package ticket and it took approx 2h for us to get there on the coach SM provided). Then it's a very long corridor and a tiny waiting space with three billboards you can take pics at, and after the show they kick you out on the other side of the building straight into coaches so there isn't a lot of opportunity to take the last few pics/just have that moment of the fizzling out concert hype. Kshawols were organising buses that'd take them from the city center to the venue in groups because it was both freezing and a nightmare to get to. Like idk, I do love the pre-concert mingling and exchanging little gifts like photocards or fans, this was almost impossible during metamorph. In comparison, one of my fondest memories of SWC6 in the summer is shawols braiding each other's hair before the concert, not something that's easy for me to imagine happening at the Inspire Arena tbh. Though I might be proved wrong in May.

Finally, while Yes24 isn't wonderful it still let international fans buy normal tickets for the concerts, Inspire Arena is linked to Melon ❤️Payments are a nightmare, there is no paypall for example (and Korea loves to reject foreign cards even if they say they accept them). The site itself is wonky as hell and will throw you out of the queue for nothing. Metamorph is the only time I had to buy global package for a shinee concert because it was genuinely impossible to get it via normal ways. And sincerely, global package isn't worth its price these days (the little lego keyring was cool but not that cool).

Ah also, this is my very personal, petty thing but I didn't love the acoustics there, we had a pretty good seats and too many songs sounded primarily like noise. I can't tell you if that's a venue thing or just a setup thing in this case, unfortunately. Metamorph was probably my worst shinee concert experience and I've been to a good few. Honestly I dislike the space so much I might just skip on the May concerts because of it, I don't have that much motivation for going left in me even with the promise of Jinki. Eh.

#shinee #swc6 #metamorph #taemin #jinki #onew #minho #kibum #jonghyun #shawol #swc6 in seoul #like genuinely at this point i was considering going just to once again see minho carry the entire concert on his back but idk #is there a point #currently contemplating going to tokyo or jeju and just popping in for the concert #since its the only way to comfortably attend anything at inspire arena

[melrosing]

JAIME IN THE RIVERLANDS: Exploring the 'Limits of Redemption'

Or: I HATE YOUR JAIME META AND HERE'S WHY

[Note: So this long fucking post is actually only the intro to what is (I think) a three/four part essay; the other parts are in editing stages at the moment but I figured if I don't post the first part now it'll be a WIP forever. Hopefully the rest will follow relatively soon as I'm literally sitting around with covid rn doing approx. nothing else but whatever watch this space I guess. anyway]

“I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there is no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?” George R. R. Martin (!!!)

‘Redemption’ is broadly considered to be the most significant theme in Jaime Lannister’s narrative, with most arguing that the conclusion of his story must reach one verdict or another in terms of whether he has achieved it. For those that believe he won’t, Jaime’s chapters in AFFC and ADWD are most commonly used as evidence. 

However, Jaime’s Riverlands arc (which I will here distinguish as beginning in Jaime III AFFC, and ending in Jaime I ADWD) is one I think is too often broken down and compartmentalised, with few takes managing to consider it holistically. Scenes are often isolated from their context and from the preceding and succeeding chapters, with fans nonetheless reaching their verdict on Jaime’s broader story based on this limited analysis. So the arguments go, here’s Jaime doing bad things and fighting for the wrong side after all he went through in ASOS: after choosing to change, and then failing to do so. If Jaime truly wanted redemption, why is he still fighting for the Lannister regime? Why are all his efforts for good so pitifully small-scale? 

Here I want to consider this arc not just through isolated scenes, but within the broader narrative of Jaime’s story. For, as with everything else, GRRM is rarely interested in presenting a straightforward story of its type: Jaime’s struggle for redemption in the Riverlands is treated with as much complexity as other arcs in the story, such as Dany’s governance in Meereen, or Jon’s on the Wall. Characters are often trapped by circumstance, forced to compromise or made to contradict their own ideals in an effort to achieve their goals. The result can be ugliness and strife where a reader expects catharsis. In a series with two volumes to go, this is not to say that catharsis won’t come for Jaime’s story, but its delayed arrival has seen fans frequently contrast it with another POV: Theon’s.

Theon is another character for whom redemption is a guiding theme, though his is often favoured above Jaime’s owing to the more straightforward catharsis it affords. When we last see Theon in ADWD, he has fought sizable demons (both internal and otherwise) to escape Winterfell and save Jeyne Poole in the process. From here, a reader anticipates Theon will continue to fight for the right causes, and carve out a new identity separate from that as Balon’s heir, or Ned Stark’s hostage. No reader expects that Theon will turn around in TWOW to return to his old ways, because he has no cause to look back: the work is done, his old trappings gone, and the only direction left to him is forwards into something new.

Theon’s arc begins slightly ahead of Jaime’s, kicking off in the second volume where Jaime’s gathers pace in the third, but even accounting for this variance in pacing, the differences between their two redemption stories are notable. Theon begins the series as a relatively isolated character, estranged from his family and superimposed into one where the patriarch might take his head at any moment. For the most part, it doesn’t seem as though anyone even likes Theon all that much, apart from the mother he has largely forgotten about. It’s unsurprising, then, that over the course of several conflicts in ACOK we see Theon’s ties and allies diminished to practically nothing: he’s abandoned by his own house, becomes an enemy of the Starks, and is kept hostage by the Boltons who view him as a useful piece of dirt. 

Theon is ultimately removed from grander disputes besides as a pawn, too afraid to claim his autonomy for fears of painful consequences from Ramsay. He remembers his wrongs, but feels helpless to atone for them, left instead to ruminate in Winterfell. Theon’s redemption is then pursued through courage and reclamation of identity: a growing irrelevance to the new powers of the plot, his story is to reclaim his name and autonomy in the background, acting not for any house or name, but on his own renewed instincts for right and wrong. No family or political cause is left to rely on him, and so Theon ironically has the freedom to act on a purely individual basis, fighting instead for the single person who does need him now: Jeyne Poole. His act of heroism at the end of ADWD carves a checkpoint viewed by most readers as a decisive move towards redemption.

Jaime’s arc and Theon’s have more in common whilst Jaime is imprisoned by the Bloody Mummers in ASOS, where he too relies largely on instincts and courage, and develops the desire to change through tormented self-reflection. But the crucial difference is the scope each are afforded from here on. As discussed, Theon, on point of reflection, is essentially alone. The only choices he can make are those he makes for himself, and indeed he has nothing to lose but his life, for even his name has been stripped from him. 

This is not so in Jaime’s case. Far from Theon’s reduced existence, halfway through ASOS Jaime has returned to all his old trappings, as well as new positions of power he never asked for. He’s now in a position to make choices that were never his before, whether they concern the makeup of the Kingsguard or the safety of his house, and each choice has a domino effect that can ripple throughout the realm. Indeed, rather than estranged from his family, Jaime is inserted directly into the midst of their affairs - at precisely the time when the threat to their house proves existential. This is not a character who can look only to his own personal hopes, ambitions and wellbeing for guidance - rather, this is someone in a prime seat of governance. Ironically, this sees Jaime’s  personal autonomy greatly diminished as a result.

Not all of this is new, of course. Jaime has been born with stakes in these institutions - or acquired them at 15, in the case of the Kingsguard. The fate of House Lannister has always mattered to Jaime because the Lannisters are his own family, and owing to the precarious position Tywin has left them in, that same family are now in mortal danger. Plenty of words are shed amongst the Lannisters on the importance of maintaining Tywin’s legacy in keeping the security of their House, and unfortunately, Jaime has inherited this legacy at precisely the time he has hoped to escape it. Though he emerges from ASOS with personal ambitions to rescue Sansa, become a knight like Brienne, reclaim his fatherhood to his children and restore peace in the realm, what he wants has to be balanced alongside the security of the Lannisters collectively, and the delicate regency that sustains them.

As Ned tells Cersei as early as AGOT, there is no safe escape for House Lannister now: Robert would’ve hounded them to the ends of the world if he knew the truth, and certainly by AFFC both highborn and smallfolk alike long for their downfall. It is here that Jaime finds himself upon his return to King’s Landing. So from ASOS onwards, we see Jaime attempting to continue the arc he began with Brienne, and struggling to do so within the confines of his new elevated roles, risking undermining his family even as they undermine him at every turn. What deeds he does manage, such as instigating rescues for both Tyrion and Sansa, need to be done covertly, whilst everything he does in the public sphere is subject to Cersei’s whims. 

By Jaime III AFFC, Cersei declares that Jaime’s role now is to restore peace in the Riverlands (that is, to quash the Tullys), and Jaime, reluctantly, gathers his men and goes. So begins a balancing act between his private ambition and public persona, where he knows the slightest misstep might be the downfall of his family. 

(Of course, the grim truth is that the fate of House Lannister was sealed by Tywin long ago.)

JAIME AND THE LANNISTER LEGACY

As mentioned, readers often simplify all this to argue that Jaime is simply fighting for ‘the Lannister regime’ in AFFC; that he is flying the colours for his family because that’s the easier thing to do than pursue redemption and the greater good. I’d disagree. 

Firstly, we should note that Jaime has always had a healthy disregard for Lannister rhetoric and his father’s view of the world. This is not to say Jaime is not aware of the power his name holds, and that like his brother Tyrion, he won’t use it occasionally as a crutch, performance or excuse:

"White is for Starks. I'll drink red like a good Lannister." [JAIME V, ASOS]

"If you know me, Urswyck, you know you'll have your reward. A Lannister always pays his debts.” [JAIME III, ASOS]

He was a Lannister of Casterly Rock, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard; no sellsword would make him scream. [JAIME III, ASOS]

That would show the realm that the Lannisters are above their laws, like gods and Targaryens. [JAIME III, ASOS]

“The Father Above has more time than I do. Do you know who I am?" [JAIME IV, AFFC]

And to say the least, Jaime is no stranger to a gold plate armour. Simply put, this is a character quite capable of talking the talk and walking the walk when it suits him, but his broader POV shows one far more sceptical than Tywin or Cersei. 

To start with, Jaime actually shirked his lead role in House Lannister at fifteen, giving up Casterly Rock and the propagation of his house for the promise of his sister’s love. He declines Tywin’s offer to restore him to this position in ASOS (even despite his disillusionment with Cersei) and immediately sets about undermining both his father and sister by rescuing Tyrion and Sansa. Jaime has also from a young age rejected Tywin’s diatribes on his brother, spending his life regretting the one instance he aligned himself to them (see: Tysha). As a young Kingsguard he does not advocate allowing Tywin into the city, even knowing his father would win decisively, does not join his father at the last minute either - and in fact did not even raise Tywin as King given ample opportunity:

"Shall I proclaim a new king as well?" Crakehall asked, and Jaime read the question plain: Shall it be your father [...]?”

[...]"Proclaim who you bloody well like," he told Crakehall. Then he climbed the Iron Throne and seated himself with his sword across his knees, to see who would come to claim the kingdom. [JAIME II, ASOS]

At this crucial moment, Jaime adopts a neutral stance, leaving the politicking to other men - and this is a stance that comes to define him up to AGOT: given all he has seen, Jaime no longer has faith in the rights of Kings nor the honour of good men, and so retreats inward where the only rules are his own. Ultimately Jaime’s natural inclination is to stand as an individual: for his own values, rather than as a representative for his house or any institution. 

And his general disdain for his father’s doings and teachings is seen everywhere in his POV - or occasionally, by omission. Whilst Cersei and even Tyrion frequently reflect on Tywin’s methodry and lessons, Jaime, the key subject of those lessons, seldom considers them - except with resentment or reluctance:

"Father," he told the corpse, "it was you who told me that tears were a mark of weakness in a man, so you cannot expect that I should cry for you." [JAIME I, AFFC]

Indeed, in much of AFFC we see Jaime wandering the Riverlands, disturbed by the ruins his father’s campaigns have left behind. This is a character reiterated throughout his POV as one who runs on passion: he entered the war for Cersei and Tyrion, albeit recklessly and in the midst of a conflict of his own making. Meanwhile, Tywin’s work is cold-blooded, calculated and brutal, and reminds Jaime of his enemies rather than his allies. 

In fact, the only aspect of House Lannister that Jaime seems especially concerned with seem to be his loved ones within it. In the beginning this appears largely limited to Cersei and Tyrion, the two he asks after when seeking news from Catelyn. News of a distant uncle and his losses at war are dismissed out of hand, and Tywin himself is asked after as essentially an afterthought:

"It's Cersei and Tyrion who concern me. As well as my lord father." [CATELYN VII, ACOK]

Later, of course, we encounter family like Genna and Daven representing Jaime's broader emotional stakes within his house, and his growing cares for his children make him more intent on its survival. But his remote affection (or entire lack of it) for his own father never seems to waver.

When Tywin does die, we see Jaime holding vigil beside his corpse out of a sense of obligation as Tywin’s son, but after spending much of it scowling at Tywin’s corpse and thinking ill of him, he abandons the vigil early to chase after a distraught Tommen. In the same scene, we even see Jaime attempting to counsel his son differently to how his father did him: where Tywin taught Jaime a man does not cry and should never show weakness, Jaime does not ridicule his son’s distress (as Cersei notably does), but tries to offer him support (albeit with only a sad coping mechanism of his own):

"A man can bear most anything, if he must," Jaime told his son. I have smelled a man roasting, as King Aerys cooked him in his own armour. "The world is full of horrors, Tommen. You can fight them, or laugh at them, or look without seeing . . . go away inside." [JAIME I, AFFC]

In short, Jaime has no apparent interest in upholding his father’s teachings or values, and all signs point to a man who hopes to raise his son differently, to undo cycles of tyranny, and to begin anew. This is all sadly compounded by the inheritance Tywin has left behind.

TYWIN'S LEGACY

Jaime’s nobler intentions unfortunately have little place for manoeuvre in the preservation of House Lannister. In fact, the family are essentially left with two options: they can sustain the 'Lannister regime', or they can vanish completely - and the latter isn’t altogether realistic for the most famous family in Westeros, in a narrative that always strives to be.

So for the Lannisters to maintain their security, they are left with largely the former - maintaining the outward appearance of power that Tywin has fostered for his house. The trouble is that maintaining that appearance, when it was previously sustained by the severity of the actions one man was willing to take.

Since he rose to the head of his family, Tywin has ruled by fear: he has made enemies of powerful people, false friends of others, and they only cower because of the ultimate threat that Tywin has showed more than once that he can act upon - given cause, he will demolish a house completely. Tywin’s method essentially runs opposite to his father’s: where Tytos offered lenience, Tywin determines to offer none: you are with him, or you are nothing.

Whilst this has been effective in removing smaller targets such as the Reynes and Tarbecks, it has done outsized damage in ruining the good faith and trust that others might have in House Lannister: certainly a Lannister will pay his debts, but what it takes to accrue one is the fear that Tywin rules with.

Tywin’s demolition method was attempted on House Stark in ASOS, and by AFFC, it may seem to have been successful on the surface level. The northern forces are in pieces, the Lannisters are allied to the Tyrells, and there is a new Lannister king on the throne. The threats from overseas seem vague and obscure, and Tommen holds tomorrow. 

But of course, this is not actually the case. Sansa is not dead, nor Arya, nor Bran and Rickon. They’ve survived through their parents’ memory and teachings, and their father’s vassals are already conspiring the Starks’ return to the north. It goes without saying that the power of Winterfell is sustained through security and loyalty, not fear, and that fear is infinitely more fragile, with a great deal more work required in sustaining it. 

Of course, Tywin's reasons for ruling with fear are, despite his pretences, rooted in his own feelings of inadequacy rather than political practicality: this is a man who has grown up feeling humiliated and undermined by his own father, and is desperate to regain the power and respect he believes he's entitled to - by any means necessary. Still, such is the state of the legacy he leaves behind for his own son: an unsustainable campaign of fear, with no-one left to uphold it:

Tywin was big even when he was little." She gave a sigh. "Who will protect us now?"

Jaime kissed her cheek. "He left a son."

"Aye, he did. That is what I fear the most, in truth."

That was a queer remark. "Why should you fear?"

"Jaime," she said, tugging on his ear, "sweetling, I have known you since you were a babe at Joanna's breast. You smile like Gerion and fight like Tyg, and there's some of Kevan in you, else you would not wear that cloak . . . but Tyrion is Tywin's son, not you." [JAIME V, AFFC]

Ironically, what is here identified by Genna as a weakness of Jaime’s is really a weakness of Tywin’s. He has an heir who might have carried the torch forward for House Lannister, might just have managed to build enough bridges for whichever Lannister came next… but Tywin’s view of the world is such that that heir is an abused, embittered man more interested in their downfall. The force that might have once sustained them will now be turned against them as Tyrion joins with Daenerys Targaryen - and regardless, whatever progress and good faith Tyrion fostered for House Lannister in ACOK was quickly undone by Tywin in ASOS with the Red Wedding.

So what’s left is only a hopeless, toxic mess: House Lannister has no true friends and no true allies. They have only a host of enemies, small and large, who desire the utter demolition of a house that sought the same of others. And the man left to carry the torch is one without conviction in anything it stands for.

Nonetheless, the torch still rests with Jaime, with the stakes high as they’ve ever been for he and his loved ones. In AFFC, GRRM shows Jaime attempting a performance as Tywin’s heir, all whilst giving away vital ground, leading without conviction and resenting his role. By the end of ADWD, Jaime will have all but abandoned the Lannister cause for the pursuit of redemption, and the collapse of his house will enter overdrive.

[at some point - PART TWO: Bluffs, Bargaining & Baby Trebuchets]

#jaime lannister #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #long post #this is probably preaching to the choir for most of my followers but I think like #at this point I've read too many riverlands essays that I feel miss the point entirely so might as well make my own

[xxx-nikki-slaughter-xxx]

Rose Tyler x fem!reader

Pronouns: gender neutral. Y/N Used

Reader is implied to be autistic

♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎♡♥︎

"Rose, where are you going?" I said while she was basically dragging me.

"I gonna show you a friend, I met him a while ago, before I met you." she looked at me and smiled, then put a piece of bleached hair behind her ear.

We continued to walk for about 5 minutes until we came across a blue box that is a 'public police call box'

"Umm, Rosie, what are we doing at this box?" I quirked my brow in confusion.

She pointed at the box. " My mate is in there, love"

She then opened the box's door and walked in with me. There was a tall man, maybe 6 foot, I don't know. He was wearing a a brown suit, and he was standing at a control table. He looked up at us and smiled. "Hello Rose, who've ya got there?"

"This is my partner Y/N, we started dating recently." Rose then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I get a bit frustrated and cover my face with my hands. Rose giggled to herself.

The man raised a brow at what she said. "What about Micky?"

Rose's smile fell. Things between them did not go wel, it was really messy. Some mean things were said on both sides. I grabbed Rose into a hug.

"He's not in our lives" was the only thing I said as to not say anything I would regret later. Rose and him may not be on good terms, but she still cares about the guy, and I respect her choices cause she's my sweet Rose and nothing can change that.

"Oh, sorry to hear that," the man said with in a tone of sad.

"It's fine, Doctor, it's for the best," Rose signaled to stop hugging her. When she let go, she had a bit of her mascara running down her face. I carefully wiped it away since I didn't want to mess up her make-up.

"Thanks, babe," Rose whispered and sniffles. I gently grabbed Rose's face, "Of course Rosie," I then kissed her forehead.

I then looked at the man, "So your name is Doctor..?" He lifted his head and looked at me

"Just Doctor"

"Rosie, the lot you hang around is weird." I looked at Rose, who is now standing next to me. "I hang around you a lot," Rose looked me in the eyes when she said that.

"I know, I'm very weird." we both giggle

"That's why I love you"

Rose and I both walked up the stairs and over to The Doctor. "Nice to meet you, Doc." I stuck my hand out for The Doctor to shake, and he did.

I looked around and realized.."IT'S BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?" I was still holding The Doctor's hand.

"This is The Tardis, which stands for 'Time And Relative Dimension in Space', it's basically a time machine."

"Rosie, you didn't tell me your mate was a time traveler!" I looked at Rose with a huge smile on my face

"They're a huge nerd for what you call it -" "Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff," the doctor said, answering Rose's question.

"Yeah, that stuff".

"How did you acquire this?" I squeezed the doctor's hand extremely hard out of excitement.

"Could you stop crushing my hand"

"Oh, sorry," I let go of the doctor's hand and put my hands behind my back out of embarrassment.

"I'm a Time Lord," the doctor smiled.

"Are you an alien?"

"Yes"

I gasp in excitement. "Really? I love aliens. They're a special interest of mine. Ever since I was little, " I flung my hands up and down. Stimming.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I didn't know how to end this soo I just posted it

Hope you enjoyed it

Also, birthday tomorrow!!!

#rose tyler x reader #doctor who #rose tyler #tenth doctor #queer #autism #lgbtq

[sapphire-strikes]

▪︎Some LEGO Monkie Kid Headcanons Pt. 2!▪︎

Ayoooo~ Part 2 finally! Decided to write some more headcanons to warm myself up after another massive break. These headcanons have all been pretty general so far, but I will absolutely be adding some reader-insert elements eventually since they are kinda meant to tie into my Ao3 series.

Part 1 Part 2

~

• You know that common anxiety a lot of people struggle with where you worry that all of your friends secretly hate you? Well, MK's thought process works completely opposite of that.

• He's so genuinely earnest in how much he cares for his friends that it comes full circle, and it's hard for him not to believe that they feel the same way. (And luckily, in his case, they absolutely do.)

• It does play some into how oblivious he can be though, because a lot of times, he will not pick up on it if someone is mad at him unless blatantly told. Basically, as long as you're sharing a space relatively peacefully with him, he automatically assumes that everything's okay and you're on good terms.

• I think that explains his relationship with Red Son and the Demon Bull Family pretty well.

• What's that, Red Son? This ceasefire is just a temporary truce until Demon Bull Family's next opportunity to rise to power? Too bad. The SECOND they stopped actively acting as antagonists and worked together, MK began considering them friends. Want to change his mind? Gonna have to start trying to kill him again. Otherwise, get used to the sleepovers, noodles and beach parties.

• Mei is absolutely the type of person to ~grip~, smack, hang off of, or cling to the person closest to her when she starts laughing. MK does this as well to a lesser agree, but it amplifies when Mei's around and they happen to be standing next to each other, just because they feed off eachothers energy so much. The two often end up in absolute hysterics when they're together and something funny happens, leaving them clinging to eachother mirthfully, OR to whoever has the misfortune of standing in between them when they begin cracking up.

• I like to think that Macaque and Wukong both hold primarily vegetarian diets, y'know, on account of them both being monkeys.

• There's a part in JTTW where Wukong and the rest of the pilgrams are trying to bring the emperor of a kingdom called "Crow-Cock" back to life. Wukong goes up to heaven and extorts some soul-restoring exlier from Lao tzu, but even after giving it to the emperor's corspe, one of them has to "breath life back into him" as the final step. Zhu Bajie actually volunteers but Tripitaka stops him, saying that among the three disciples (Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing), Wukong was the only one of them with "pure breath", having sustained himself in nothing but fruits and nuts his whole life.

• Technically, I have seen one part from the book referenced where Wukong supposedly implies that he has eaten human before, so either I'm not there yet, I missed it or I don't remember it, and if true, it would be a direct contradiction to the moment mentioned above. So that's where the headcanon part of this comes in, and I'm gonna run with the idea that in that particular instance, he was joking.

• For Wukong, his diet is just a preference. It's mentioned at least once in JTTW that he's not a fan of cooked food, and eating raw meat doesn't appeal to him in the slightest.

• Macaque, on the other hand, can't stand the taste of meat. Cooked or raw, to him, it tastes like blood either way. Secretly wishes he could stomach it just because, being a monkey, he subconsciously views eating meat as predatory behavior and has always been a little baffled by that fact that humans are consistently meat-eaters despite their docile, unintimidating nature.• Macaque also, however, doesn't dislike cooked in the way that Wukong does. He's actually a big fan of tofu in almost any form.

• Oh, but yes, they do both eat bugs.

• All the monkeys, and I mean ALL of the monkeys on FFM, retire to water-curtain cave at night. The little guys like to sleep with their king, so there will be hundreds of them sleeping scattered about the inside of Wukong's shack and around the surrounding cavern. Anyone spending the night will inevitably find themselves completely surrounded by morning.

• After the events of season 4, Macaque actually returns to Flower Fruit Mountain to live. He and Wukong still aren't on good terms, but it's a big island, so they never have to see each other.

•According to Macaque, Wukong can call himself it's king all he wants, but it was his home before he and Wukong were friends, and now that things are mostly peaceful, it will go back for being his home for a long time afterwards.

• He has his own little hideout in an underground cavern on the other side of the mountain. The little monkeys actually come in to visit him all the time, but he has them sworn to secrecy so that none of them tell Wukong exactly where he lives. He doesn't care that Wukong knows he's back, but he'd rather not give him the means to drop in if he ever felt like it.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #mk lego monkie kid #mei dragon #sun wukong #macaque #six eared macaque #SMDMAEIB #I say series but as of the time I'm posting this it only has one installment lol

[thespectral-wolf]

Junctions - Part 2

Weeks after the space-time rift closed, Rei runs into Warden Ingo. It soon becomes apparent that despite sharing a similar fate, they don't know how to put themselves in the other's shoes.

Part 1

---

“Psst! Rei! Hey, Rei!” Akari poked him in the shoulder, rousing the boy absorbed in his Pokédex. “Do you think we should worry about the alpha?” she pointed towards the large Clefable between the trees.

They were currently at the Fabled Spring to study the moon-dance of the Clefairies. While Rei usually completed the requests alone, with his hand still healing and unable to call the ride pokémon, Professor Laventon insisted that they go together. Of course, Akari didn’t need to be asked twice, as she wanted to see the phenomenon herself.

They even got to borrow the Professor’s camera to take some pictures – although between Akari, who was relatively new to the concept of photography, and Rei, who only ever used digital devices, figuring out how to use it was a challenge on its own.

He put down his ‘dex and brushed away some of the tall grass to see better. He watched the massive pokémon for a moment before shrugging.

“Clefables aren’t normally aggressive. As long as we keep low, we should be alright.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she nodded and rested her head on her hands. They were out there for more than an hour now, the full moon already bathing the mountains in its bright, silver light. So far, nothing happened.

“Have you ever seen Clefairies dance?” she asked, suppressing a yawn.

“Nah,” Rei scratched his temple. “It happens very rarely and I guess I couldn’t get myself to stay up late to watch it. But Cotton would always get very jittery during full moons. I had to make sure she got a good view of it, otherwise she wouldn’t let anyone in the house sleep.”

“‘Cotton’?” Akari raised her brow.

“Oh, right, Cotton is my Clefable… back home…” he felt a lump in his throat forming as he was reminded that his pokémon were left behind in his own time. His family probably looked out for them in his absence. He hoped that they were alright.

Akari lightly nudged him, snapping him out of the thought. “Hey, that means you know your stuff about Clefairies, right? Now I know who to turn to if I ever want one on my team,” she tried steering the subject. Her face showed understanding. She may not know everything about his life before Hisui, but she knows how much thinking about it hurts. Rei smiled.

“Hey look! Something’s happening!” she suddenly called out in a whisper, and they both laid low, eyes fixed on the lake.

Just as if on cue, a group of Clefairies appeared, lining up on the lakeshore. They started moving in unison while letting out small cries at the full moon. Akari and Rei watched the event with wonder. They were so enamored by the spectacle, they almost forgot to actually record it. Akari quickly jotted down notes on her own Pokédex, while Rei maneuvered the professor’s camera with one hand. He hoped there was enough light for the pictures to come out well.

But just as quickly as it started, the Clefairies got alert and dispersed.

With it all over, the two teens packed up and made their way back on the riverbank, carefully treading the rocky environment while whispering excitedly. It was a long walk back to the Mountain Camp, especially without the aid of Wyrdeer, but with the full moon lighting the area, they didn’t mind.

Arriving at a ledge, they decided to cut some of the way and drop down instead. Akari went ahead, taking the almost two-meter jump with finesse. Rei hesitated a bit. Despite the months he worked as a surveyor, he was still behind her in terms of physical fitness. Maybe he should just take the way around.

“Don’t get so worked up, I’ll catch you,” she joked, holding her arms out in emphasis.

Rei grimaced at her, took a deep breath, and aimed at an outcrop of rock to jump on, hoping it’ll make the landing easier.

As his foot made contact, it jolted, almost causing him to fall. The ‘rock’ pushed itself up and angrily rumbled at him.

“Shit!” he yelped, jumping away. They were staring down a Rhyhorn that looked very upset. The teens backed down. It roared and soon enough, the whole ground around them seemed to come alive. Three, four, five, six… they stumbled on a whole herd of Rhyhorns and Rhydons that now started to surround them.

“Run!” Akari grabbed his good hand and pulled him towards the direction not yet blocked by angry pokémon.

Their getaway did not last long though: they were quickly met with a cliffside. Without the option to climb it, all that was left was to battle the pokémon that quickly encircled them again. Akari sent out her Staraptor, Rei his Decidueye.

The owl ruffled its feathers and sized up its opponents. Their adversaries snorted and grunted in anticipation, ready to strike. Rei couldn’t waste time.

“Leaf Blade!” he pointed at the Rhyhorn directly in front of them. With quick moves, Decidueye sent a barrage of sharp leaves at the enemy, overwhelming it. At the same time, Akari’s Staraptor took on a Rhydon with Close Combat. The Rhyhorn fell immediately and did not get up, whereas the Rhydon weathered the damage, but seemed to be on the edge of fainting. Rei breathed out. So far, so good. If they can create an opening, they can flee without prolonging the fight. One of the Rhydons roared in rage, kicking up sharp rocks at Decidueye, digging into it. Another caught Staraptor off guard with a Rock Slide, the bird not standing a chance with its lowered defenses. Akari breathed in sharply, as she recalled her partner. Not good.

Rei was ready to shout another attack, when the earth started to shake beneath them. The kids grabbed at each other for support. Rocks and soil moved around as the glistering snakelike body of an alpha Steelix emerged, roused by the cacophony of battle. The other pokémon yelped in surprise but didn’t flee. Slowly and drowsily, the Steelix shook the last pebbles off it and its burning red eyes sized up the teens. It roared.

The kids shared a look. There was no way they’d be able to fend off this many opponents. They had to make a run for it. Wordlessly, Rei gave Akari a nod.

“Triple Arrows, Strong Style!” Rei called out, pointing at the alpha. Decidueye acted quickly, barraging it with sharpened feathers. The Steelix staggered.

“Go, go, go!” Rei yelled, and Akari bolted off. She rushed past a small gap between the pokémon, hoping that in the chaos they will not have enough time to react. But the sudden movement caught the Steelix’s attention: it turned, lashing its strong tail at the girl, and struck her with such force, it sent her flying to a nearby rock. Rei shouted in panic, forcing the large metallic snake’s attention back to him and Decidueye. It slammed its head against the bird, albeit with less force.

Rei anxiously watched Akari. She lay on the ground several meters away from him, clutching her shoulder, face contorted in pain. He had to do something, and quick. If he tried to run to her, he was risking being attacked by the pokémon, the only barrier between them and him was his stalwart partner demanding their attention.

“Triple Arrows again!” Rei cried out.

The arrows hit true, and the Steelix faltered, but it refused to back down. As Decidueye landed, he was immediately rammed by one of the Rhydons. Rei winced. Despite the type advantage, Decidueye cannot fight against this many. Should Rei send out another one of his team? Gastrodon or Goodra could fight the rock types, but he never had a double battle in his life. No, this wasn’t a trainer battle, wild pokémon rarely abided by arbitrary rules, this shouldn’t matter. His chest was tight, his thoughts becoming a scrambled, panicked mess. Decidueye side-eyed him, the battle already wearing it down, but still waiting patiently for his command. He needed to reach Akari, but how? He can’t, he couldn’t-

Something from the cliffs dropped at the Steelix, hitting it hard on the head. The figure of a tall pokémon stood in front of him, the moon practically lighting it up. It was Sneasler. The pokémon hissed in warning, claws ready to strike again. The alpha turned at the new offender, giving Rei the opening to gather himself and make his way to Akari.

“Are you alright?” he asked, trying to look for signs of injuries.

“I’m in… one piece…” the girl heaved. She tried to get up, but could barely pull herself from the spot.

Rei glanced behind him. Sneasler and the Steelix were not attacking yet, instead they exchanged growls and hisses in an attempt to intimidate the other.

He heard running footsteps, which soon came to a skidding halt. Rei looked up to see Warden Ingo standing frozen at the scene. His figure was clear in the moonlight, but his face was obscured by the brim of his hat. He seemed hesitant, hand hovering over the pokéballs on his belt and looking between the teenagers and Sneasler facing off the Steelix. Sneasler broke the stare-off with her opponent, and mewled at her warden. It seemed it was all that Ingo needed. He sprung up with surprising speed, throwing two pokéballs, releasing his Tangrowth and Machamp then ordering the two to fend off some of the Rhydons. As soon as the pokémon were distracted, Ingo sprinted past them, reaching Akari and Rei in only a few steps.

“Is anybody hurt?” even when keeping his voice down, Ingo sounded very loud.

Akari tried to sit up, but hissed in pain as she tried to move her shoulder. Rei caught her and glanced at the Warden. Ingo’s face was tense, he took in a sharp breath before standing up straight.

“Hold on you two,” he told them and commanded his pokémon, which forced the wild Rhyhorns to back away with devastating attacks. He reached for Akari, and lifted her.

“Come on, quick,” he called out, moving away from the fight while holding the girl. Rei called Decidueye back and followed. As they were getting further and further away, he couldn’t help but glance back ever so often at the pokémon still battling.

Ingo noticed the boy’s anxiety. “Worry not,” he said, not taking his eyes off the road. “They know how to handle themselves.”

Once they reached the camp, the security corpsman stood up with alert, raising her lantern.

Laventon, who was snoozing by the fire, jostled at the sudden noise. His eyes widened when he saw them and rushed there with panic.

“Oh my stars, what happened?” he immediately started looking Akari over.

“A whole herd… and an alpha… too many… overwhelmed,” Rei sputtered, hands on knees, his head rushing with adrenaline.

Meanwhile Laventon got Ingo to lay Akari down at the tent, and helped the girl take off her coat to get a better look at her injury.

“Can you lift your arm?” Laventon asked while examining the damage.

Akari winced as she tried to move it.

Rei only glanced towards them, catching a big, ugly bruise forming on her back, and her side where the Steelix hit her.

“It’s swollen, but I don’t think anything’s broken,” Laventon sighed after inspecting the bruises,” but captain Pesselle could tell more… you must get to Jubilife immediately,” he urged.

“We really don’t have to, I’ll be fine,” Akari tried to reassure him.

“I say you rather not go this late,” the guard chimed in, “Jubilife is almost a day’s walk from here. It would be risky to go out so late.”

“But you can’t expect them to camp out in the mountains in this state!” the professor protested.

Rei scratched at his bandaged hand. He wished he could call for Wyrdeer. He got better at handling stuff with one hand, but failed repeatedly to use his Celestica flute, the notes never coming out right. Now Akari’s hurt. This was his fault. He should’ve been more careful.

“My home isn’t that far,” Warden Ingo spoke up suddenly. Even he himself seemed surprised at it, and now with all eyes looking at him, he was shifting uncomfortably. He continued, eyes on the ground. “Akari can stay the night there. It would be more comfortable to sleep under a roof. If you wish, of course,” he quickly added.

“Oh, in that case,” Akari piped up, as if she just remembered something, “could Rei come along? I think he could use some proper rest too.” Rei’s attention snapped at his fellow surveyor. Akari was the only person he confided in about his fight with the Warden, and now she was setting him up for an uncomfortable situation. He gave her a dirty look, at which she just rolled her eyes. Oh, she knew exactly what she was doing.

He looked at Warden Ingo, who seemed equally awkward at the suggestion, eyes flicking between the kids, swallowing hard.

“Of course,” the man stammered.

Ingo did not have a reason to invite him. Rei did not have a reason to go. Rei sighed.

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thank you,” he said reluctantly.

Laventon did not catch on to the tension between them, and smiled at the warden.

“Thank you, Warden Ingo, you truly are kind,“ he then turned to the children, “But you two should head for Jubilife first thing in the morning so you can get properly treated.”

“Should I send a message to Jubilife for an escort?” the guard asked.

“No need. I’ll sort it out,” Ingo said. “Signal, once you’re ready for departure,” he composed himself, straightening his back as much as he could.

After taking a little breather, Rei helped Akari up, supporting her. Ingo threw his arms up in his signature pointing pose, and led them. The teens walked a few paces behind him.

“Traitor,” Rei whispered in her ear, making sure Ingo did not hear him.

“Oh, come on,” she whispered back, “Warden Ingo hasn’t been to Jubilife since you apparently yelled his head off, and you refused to come to the Highlands because you didn’t want to run into him. You two act like little kids. Sort it out! Seriously, how did you manage to save Hisui when you can’t even handle an argument?”

“Throwing balms at pokémon is not even comparable to talking to people,” he hissed through his teeth. But Akari’s words did make him think…

It was true that he felt betrayed by the warden’s inaction. Did he only trust Ingo because he felt familiar? The uniform that had seen better days suggested that Ingo was coming from the same time or at least time period as Rei, and the man seemed as out of place as Rei felt. Comrades in fate, or something like that. Was he too quick to latch onto that idea?

Did he ever stop to think whether Ingo felt the same?

And it wasn’t like Rei was one to hold grudges. He didn’t use to, that is. He always strived to be on everybody’s good side and the idea of somebody hating him was one of the worst things he could have imagined. He knew better now of course. He has his captain to thank for that lesson. And he was angry. Angry at Kamado, angry at Jubilife, angry at Arceus, angry at whoever was responsible for all of this mess. But in the end, he didn’t tell those people outright how he felt, did he? Was Warden Ingo any different from those people? Would staying angry at him do any good?

Rei made his decision: this was not a bridge he wanted to burn. How he was going to mend it though, was another question.

They walked in silence for the rest of the way to the Warden’s hut. It stood under a treeline, protecting it from the ocean winds that blew from the shore not far from there. Ingo opened the door for them and urged them in. Before entering, he fished out his Celestica flute and played on it.

“Now my partners know where we are,” he explained.

Inside, Rei helped Akari sit down and took place next to her. Ingo opened a chest and started rummaging through it.

Rei looked around the room. It was barely furnished, only the essentials found there: storage chests, a dresser for clothes, a workbench, a futon haphazardly left on the floor. The Pearl Clan insignia hung from the wall, and there were all kinds of little stuff laying around the place… There were several items that looked like they were used for training and entertaining pokémon; a wooden beam from which he just noticed Ingo’s Gliscor dozing on; failed attempts of making pokéballs around the bench, tools and wood for whittling; a small figure of a dragon-type Rei couldn’t recognize sat on the dresser. In its simplicity, it resembled his own quarters in Jubilife, yet it couldn’t be more different. It actually looked lived-in. It actually looked like Ingo made a life here.

Ingo stepped to the kids, a vial and some wrappings in hand.

“You can use this on the injuries. It should help with the pain and the swelling,” he explained as he handed them over. Rei took them with a quiet ‘thanks’, and with some embarrassment, helped Akari to lift her garments to treat the bruises.

Meanwhile, Ingo turned away, took off his torn coat, and laid it on the dresser neatly folded, putting his hat on top of it. He then quietly turned to the hearth to stoke the fire.

Rei occasionally peeked at the Warden while carefully applying the medicine on Akari’s injury.

“If you are perhaps hungry, I can prepare something quick,” Ingo said in an unsure voice, turning to them. Rei couldn’t help but notice how every time the man addressed them, he always looked at Akari, not him. If Rei did manage to catch his glance, Ingo quickly avoided the eye contact. This whole situation was… awkward, to say the least.

Akari hissed as Rei applied too much pressure on the wound. He quickly apologized, and tried to be more careful while wrapping it. Akari answered Ingo:

“Thank you, but we’re more tired than hungry, I think.” She looked at Rei, and he agreed. It had to be around two in the morning already, and with all the action they had to go through, he wanted nothing more than to conk out.

Ingo nodded and went on to prepare a second futon, laying it out next to the other one. He made sure both of them were neat for his guests to sleep on.

“I do apologize in advance for the amount of fur that may be on the sheets,” Ingo coughed with a little embarrassment in his voice, “I hope you’ll be able to rest well nonetheless.” With that, the Warden sat back at the hearth, poking the wood to catch more flames.

Rei stared at the futons for a moment with furrowed brows.

“Uh, where are you going to sleep, Warden?” he asked. “I mean, Akari and I are used to sharing the camp’s tent when we’re both out surveying. It’s… really not that a big deal.” he tried to sound reassuring. Akari snorted.

“Speak for yourself, I like it when you don’t punch me in your sleep,” she joked.

“That only happened once!” Rei snapped back.

“Three times.”

“Fine.”

Akari snickered, and turned back to Ingo, “He’s right though. You don’t need to sleep on the floor, Warden.”

Ingo just waved it off.

“Don’t worry about that. The comfort of my passengers takes priority over mine,” he answered without taking his eyes off the hearth.

There seemed no point in arguing, so they thanked him and prepared to sleep, although it took Akari some time to find a comfortable position with her aching side and shoulder. Nevertheless, she was fast asleep, judging by her slow breaths. Rei wasn’t that quick to doze off. Thoughts still racing, he stared at the man for a little while – the smoldering fire deepened his wrinkles, making him look so much older and tired than Rei had ever seen him. Slowly but steadily, he drifted off.

#pokemon #pokemon legends arceus #pla #pokemon rei #trainer rei #pokemon akari #trainer akari #pokemon ingo #warden ingo #pokemon laventon #professor laventon #sneasler #steelix #pokemon fanfiction #fanfic #my works #gonna start experimenting with making illustrated fics

[mxstball]

@arcanaanima from ask

"Wh--what? What in the world? How the fuck did they find this place already?" Heidi blinked. "I JUST had that other Aesen over not too long ago. All I sent Hera was a location request to MY Hall of Origin. How did they find this place?"

Actually, you know what? At this point, considering Izanami's resources, she wouldn't be surprised if there were others that were like her to some degree.

Either way, Heidi was happy to receive the phone. "Alright. This addition will have to do with your Infinity Energy signature, so if you feel that being adjusted a little, it's nothing bad."

Heidi summoned Ghost and the two went to work. On the surface, it looked like she was just tapping a few buttons, but there was a tie in the Infinity Energy between Shukukou and the phone. It was surprisingly quick, however. Seems that Heidi was getting good at this.

"The fact that it works with other Arceus the same way is kinda cool. Thought I had to do more tweaks. Anyway, so I added a new app to your phone -- or, I guess, to you directly. The app is tied to your unique Aura and Infinity Energy signature, but it interfaces through your phone. Doesn't take any space or memory or anything. So, there's a few things that this app does. So, you don't need this, but there's an improved map that allows you to make a portal or teleport to various major areas that you've been. You can even set your own. The map doesn't just cover this world, though. It covers every dimension that you've been to as well. Second, when messaging people, not only can the message go through dimensions like it already does, but it can go through time as well -- and it will show you the time that they're in relative to you. So, if I went back 200 years, it'll say that I'm currently 200 years in the past. Because of this, whenever someone talks in relative times and places, tapping the message will convert it to the relative time and place for you so you know where and when to go."

"Finally, for anyone that has this app like me or Zinnia, there's special teleport and portal technology between the app users. Starting with requests, you can send a teleport or portal request to the other person, and, if they accept, they either instantly teleport to your location, or a portal opens to be right in front of you. In term of open requests, you can enable to where other app users can teleport to you at any time while open requests are available. This will be on a per-contact basis, and you can turn it on or off with a simple tap or with your energy signature. So, for example, if Gloam had the app, you have request turned on, and she gets in a hairy situation, then she can simply tap to instantly teleport to you; however, if you are out on a mission, your requests will be turned off, so she won't be able to teleport to you and will have to pick someone else instead."

Heidi handed the phone back. "So far, you're the only one with the app in this world, but if you find it useful for others like your Legendary Pokémon or Proxies, then I can set it up with them as well."

#arcanaanima #muse heidi

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Good Omens: A Big Gay (Queer) Allegory

Please note: these are just my thoughts and interpretation. It's one way to read some of the events of Good Omens, especially Season 2, but is not the only way by any means. I'm not looking to denigrate or sideline any other interpretation or understanding of this show.

The show has turned, slowly, into a big gay allegory, about the complications of perception and openness, especially in the 20th and 21st Century, and especially in terms of how Aziraphale and Crowley both manifest themselves and are perceived by the world around them. The show uses elements typically associated with the persecution of queer people throughout the 20th Century, as their relationship must remain secret (closeted) through much of their exitences. The 1941 episode in Season 2 involves fascists spying on Aziraphale and Crowley with a camera, trying to get evidence of their relationship. The 60s vignette takes place in 1967, the same year that Britain decriminalized homosexual acts, and is the first real indication that Aziraphale might be able to put a name to their relationship (but can't quite do it yet).

This is not about whether Aziraphale and Crowley are gay in the sense of being two homosexual men, but how they are perceived by the world at large. The joke from the book that Aziraphale is "gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide" is in the context of how others (humans) perceive him. And this governs them both—because they both typically manifest as men, use male pronouns, and because the world perceives them as men, their relationship would be perceived as homosexual (whether that is a reality or not). Nina asks Crowley about their relationship because, to her, they are behaving as a couple, and her assumption after he tells her "it's not like that" is still that they're together, just maybe not a couple-couple. She certainly never assumes that Crowley is a straight cis man—her questions are all about whether he has a husband or boyfriend, and all assume that he and Aziraphale are having sex. She seems to assume that they are two gay men.

That kind of open discussion, from an out lesbian who discusses her relationship with customers and friends (but not, we note, with cops), would have been impossible in 1967. Or 1941. Or 6,000 BC. But it is possible in 2023, in a relatively safe space like Whickber Street.

Crowley's reaction, I think, is not surprise about the relationship itself, but about how their relationship is being perceived. It's putting a name to something that has had to remain nameless or been outright denied as even existing. He falls back on denial—"it's not like that"—but he realizes that it is, in fact, like that. It's him facing the fact that a relationship that has never been defined is being perceived by others and that's something that is now relatively safe. This quite obviously becomes something he embraces as he realizes that he and Aziraphale can be together, openly, as whatever they want to be. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore.

(I think it very indicative that the next scene involves Crowley confessing that he's been worried about Gabriel/Jim "waking up" and smiting him. It's a repeat, in its own way, of Aziraphale's initial conversation with Jim and is expressive of the last fear that Crowley has: that someone will see what he is and destroy him for it. And it's one that's put to rest by the next scene between him and Jim.)

Aziraphale hasn't made that move yet, at least not in the same way. He is still, essentially, closeted, because he perceives their relationship as still being dangerous. In the very first episode of Season 2, he responds to Jim's question about needing to be close to one particular person in a series of microexpressions (thank you, Michael Sheen) that indicate, yeah, he knows exactly what Jim is talking about. But he immediately denies it and draws away, saying that he has "no idea what that feels like." Of course he knows, but Jim might very well be Gabriel, a representative of the organization that will destroy him and Crowley if they are found out (outed). He can't admit that feeling openly, though he knows he has it, and he's likely known for a very long time.

The entire act of concealing Gabriel is a queer act: they are choosing to protect someone who is hiding from powerful entities because, as we learn, he has fallen for someone else he's not supposed to love and defied Heaven. Aziraphale's bookshop becomes a safe haven for persecuted beings, but Aziraphale himself doesn't feel safe about his own relationship.

Crowley finally feels safe enough, through his conversations with Maggie and Nina and through the example of Gabriel and Beelzebub, to speak his feelings and try to put a name to what exists between them that they've spent their existences pretending wasn't there. Aziraphale doesn't yet. He thinks he finds a solution with returning to Heaven, to literally go back into the organization that would have destroyed him for his relationship—literally enforced social conformity that nonetheless would be safe.

Although it is safer now, in 2023, to be openly queer than it was in 1941, it is still dangerous. There is still the threat hanging over people that how they are perceived will harm them, that the discovery of their relationships and their identities will be used against them, even by those who seem to be innocent or their friends. It's as much about fear as anything else. Crowley and Aziraphale cannot be together openly in part because they are still afraid of what could happen to them if they are. They not only know what Heaven and Hell can do to them, but what was done to queer people over the course of centuries. They were there.

#good omens #good omens 2 #queer allegory #aziraphale #crowley #crowley x aziraphale

[actualbird]

nxx team and their organizational apps/methods of choice and how all of this will lead to mc possibly strangling the entire team (affectionate)

wc: 972

this was a joint effort between me and my girlfriend playing headcanon tennis via discord

-

mc: Notion and very prettily designed

mc strikes me as a very organized person, when it comes to work stuff, and Notion is a great app for people who like organizing things and also want a relatively easy UI to traverse. theres pages and embed functions and checklists and calendars, mc loves it ALL

and she loves that Notion also allows you to customize how everything looks!! so her Notion looks something like this

having a nice Notion page helps her motivation to get things done. looking at tasks and information in a page thats Pretty can do wonders for the soul and brain <3

-

artem: Notion but it's absolute barren barebones

artem is also a very organized person so he enjoys Notion for the same reasons mc does.

however, he customizes 0 decorations. looks like this

barebones, straight to the point. ive always seen artem as somebody who gets visually overwhelmed when a bunch going on in terms of design. and getting overwhelmed is the opposite of what he wants to happen when working, so he keeps it simple

also, hes shit at anything art related and making a Notion page is adjacent enough to that that even if he tried, he would fail horrendously

-

marius: Google Workplace but it's made by pax instead, Pax Workplace, pls imagine the image attached is pax themed instead

marius Is somebody who appreciates aesthetics and is good at it, but if it's work, hes not gonna be putting effort to make that look nice, hes got his paintings and art for that!!! and since his work is Pax and NXX (which is Pax funded, i always forget that fact!) he shrugs and uses Pax's system

it's all there anyway, he doesnt have to waste time setting stuff up and time is a Finite Resource in his life and busy day to day schedules

the ony flaw of Pax Workplace isnt rlly inherent to the app itself, but to marius. cuz hes always tryna get everybody else on board in using it too in a joke-y salesman energy kind of way, and if he brings it up one more time, someones gonna SNAP

-

luke: just the notepad app that came with his laptop but used in the worst way possible

confession: this is how i organize stuff and im bestowing to luke not just cuz i love projecting on him but also cuz it's in character. in his personal story 3, mc mentioned that luke is such a messy person in his own space but manages to know where everything is anyway. it wouldnt be a stretch to assume this extends to a digital space too

so luke just uses the notepad app

and he keeps everything in only like 2 note files

one is called Work. the other is called Munchies. the first one is all his work notes, investigations, leads, contacts, everything. the second one is filled with all his usual takeout orders.

both of files started filled up with the thing that their name topic is, but then luke got a bit distracted and started forgetting to check which notepad he was putting shit in. so both note files ends up being like a LONG BLOCK TEXT PARAGRAPH of investigation theories and then followed by "manager’s choice large, garlic n cheese large if mc is coming over" and both files are SO GODDAMN LONG because hes been using em ever since he returned to stellis

oh and he added a 3rd new notepad that has nothing in it but the lyrics of the Agent P song from phineas and ferb but he edited it to be about peanut

because thats totally important and needs its own file, duh

-

vyn: he just remembers it all

hah, noting things down? who do you think he is, some kind of idiot with a bad memory? aside from mentioning things in his daily audio recordings, he doesnt keep notes anywhere except in his mind. he does it quite well

but he'll never admit that he does this mostly as another odd avenue of superiority over other people. vyn can remember many dates and notes, whereas artem can only---

-

and thus: coordinating schedules and information for investigation purposes is hell

mc: okay so ive created a full system on notion. it's color coded, font formatted, easy navigation to sub-pages---

artem, a bit overwhelmed at all the nice visuals: why are there...so many colors....what is happening...

luke: oh ive got a lot of notes for this subpage!!! lemme just get---wait up, i knew i had this info somewhere, i must have just put it in the Munchies notepad---

artem, more confused: the what?

mc: oh god

luke: foooouuunnnddd ittttt //copy pastes his entire unformatted block of text into a subpage

mc: i am near tears, please

marius: why cant we just use pax workplace?

mc: //EYE TWITCH, MOVES TO STRANGLE MARIUS

marius: WAIT WAIT IM SORRY

mc, calming herself: okay. okay.....we just need to schedule some meetings this week, okay?

marius, trying to redeem himself by helping: okay uh well when is everybody free this week?

luke: copy pasted all my free dates for the month!

artem: saturday, whole day after 2pm

mc: same

marius: nice okay, my calendar is also good on saturday and luke's got that too. vyn, where's your schedule?

vyn: in my mind

luke: ...

artem: ....

mc: .....

marius: ......okaaaaayyy so when are you free?

vyn, looking off into the distance pensively: when is anybody truly free?

and then by that point DAVIS has to interrupt the scene for a commercial break!

#tears of themis #artem wing #marius von hagen #luke pearce #vyn richter

[bracketsoffear]

The One Who Wanders And Waits/The Wanderer (Space Boy) "The Magnificent Bastard behind an Ancient Conspiracy to ensure humanity someday reaches the Monolith. It's intentions are unknown due to its Blue-and-Orange Morality, but it has used it's emotion-manipulating powers to slowly brainwash the entire staff of the FCP so they'll be easy to manipulate so it can achieve it's goals. When he was a child, Oliver encountered The Wanderer, who drove Oliver to a five-year-long existential crisis over the vastness and emptiness of space. He made Oliver see the world in terms of “The Nothing in between the stars […] a vast Nothing. An emptiness.” Oliver thinks that most people willingly ignore the “Nothing” because they’re frightened by it, but he can no longer ignore that “The universe is almost entirely made up of Nothing. Even the atoms in our bodies consist primarily of empty space. We are all just bits of matter, floating in the void.” This post explains it better."

Major Tom (David Bowie) "An astronaut who was sent into deep space and vanishes -- possibly intentionally, depending on your reading of the lyrics. The line "And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear" emphasizes the mundane, capitalist nature of the world he left behind. This is further supported by the later portions of the song devoted to Major Tom's awe at the beauty and infinity of space, contrasted against the small, claustrophobic description of his spaceship as a 'tin can', which reduces humanity's great achievement of space travel to nothing more than cosmic debris. The line 'And I'm floating in a most peculiar way' may also refer to an inability to connect emotionally to others, feeding into the Vast's themes of disconnect and insignificance. The line "Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles, I'm feeling very still," refers both to the lack of any body relative to which he can judge his motion and his own sense of peace about the phenomenon. This is followed by the line, "And I think my spaceship knows which way to go," which can be interpreted as Major Tom's realization that he doesn't need to be there anymore, and can just let go. The mission and the world will go on without him. Whether or not he intentionally sabotaged his equipment to drift off forever into space, the song's ending shows him peacefully floating off into eternity, accepting and possibly even enjoying his fate. This is also supported by Peter Schilling's interpretation of the Major in his song, Major Tom (Coming Home), which emphasizes in the final verse "Now the light commands/This is my home/I'm coming home." Major Tom has chosen the stars over the planet, and he is prepared to fall forever to reach them.

Space Oddity Major Tom (Coming Home)"

#vast poll #the magnus archives #the vast #poll #space boy #david bowie

[miloscat]

[Review] Panzer Dragoon Saga (Sat)

Maybe they should have stuck to rail shooters...

My perfectly sensible journey through the Panzer Dragoon series: Mini, then Orta and the OG, then Gamera 2000, Remake, Zwei, and now finally this, the one that's not actually a rail shooter. Apparently development on Zwei and Saga both started at the same time but being an RPG spread over four Saturn discs, Saga took a few more years to cook. It's also one of the more pricey games in existence due to its release right when the Saturn was imploding and overall poor sales; its reputation as a rare and expensive title comes with a vaunted hidden gem status, but the reality... well...

Saga (or as it's known in Japan, Azel: Panzer Dragoon RPG) certainly is experimental. Like the monsters that populate the world's wastelands and forests, it's a mutant creation, a strange hybrid of Panzer Dragoon mechanics in an RPG framework. Or if not mechanics then surface trappings: four-quadrant perspectives in battle, aiming a lock-on cursor, three-dimensional dragon flight... but the gameplay experience is nothing at all like the arcadey rail-shooters that constitute the rest of the series. Saga is very much a departure, and I don't think that works in its favour.

The world of Panzer Dragoon was always so evocative, the unknowable but hostile technology of a lost era (with its cool techno-organic designs) littering a devastated landscape, folk struggling to eke out an existence while empires battle overhead. Digging into the setting seems like something the series was crying out for... yet somehow, by nailing things down in Saga you do end up losing some of the mystique. Sure I understood the lore more clearly from in-game texts and characters pontificating, but is that what the series really needed? Maybe they explain too much, and since this is a Japanese RPG you of course end up travelling through space and time to kill God. Ho hum.

Panzer Dragoon has always had cinematic moments, but again Saga goes to excess by having all dialogue be fully voiced, with mocapped cutscenes and long conversations. (The VA is all in Japanese as well, even in the international releases, with the series' trademark made-up language only used for the intro and outro cutscenes; another choice that removes a layer of mystery from this world.) It really slows the pace down, which is a theme for the on-foot sections, battle animations, and the speed of the overall plot.

After the inciting incident where Edge the bland protag-kun meets the dragon who befriends him for no reason, almost nothing happens to advance the plot for two whole discs. Although Edge is a defined character with a voice and backstory, he was designed to take a backseat to the eponymous Azel in story terms. Congratulations Team Andromeda, you created another boring RPG protagonist. Azel herself has potential to be interesting and has her moments but ends up underdeveloped, as often a plot device as a character, and literally not present for maybe half the game.

Although four discs sounds big, each one has just a handful of areas, and there's only two and a half towns in the game world. As an RPG and a story the scale is relatively small which works just fine for Panzer Dragoon, and the inhabited areas you do explore are dense and lively, with a day/night cycle and lots of interaction with the blocky Saturn people who live there. Controlling Edge in these areas is kind of clunky and slow, with the lock-on cursor being an odd way to interact and observe the world, but it results in lots of flavour text for background details even if a lot of it feels like filler.

When on the dragon, the world is understandably scaled back. An overworld map takes you between discrete zones, which are usually big open spaces broken up by tight corridors, or dungeons absolutely riddled with repetitive hallways and lifts. The dragon movement mechanics seem impressive but feel ultimately shallow and limiting, the technology and dev realities clearly not fulfilling the ambitions of open-roaming dragon-flying exploration. There's only a couple of occasions like the assault on a flying warship or the stealthy infiltration of an Imperial facility where these sections actually approach compelling gameplay; most of the time it's just busywork flying around and locking onto things to interact with them.

Finally, the battles. There are random and set encounters in the flying zones which take you to the battle screen, your dragon occupying one of four cardinal positions around the enemy. You or they can choose to move, which affects the ATB gauges that determine your actions but more importantly your relative positions put you in safe or danger zones from enemy attacks, and likewise enemy weak points are only revealed in certain spots. This positioning mechanic gives battles a unique feel, and turns most encounters into puzzle battles as you figure out how to respond to certain enemies. Your actions include the traditional PD single-target gun shot, a multi-target homing laser, and Zwei's Berserk technique is now the magic spell system. It's an amusing way to convert PD conventions into RPG ideas but it works well enough in theory. The problem is it felt to me that battles eventually became just slow and punishing until you learn the trick to them, at which point they're easy and time-wasting.

Saga is full of little secrets and such, the sort that compelled me to follow a guide so I didn't miss any obscure sidequest or missable treasures. One interaction requires you to talk to an NPC twenty-six times for crying out loud! Many of these rewards are relatively inconsequential but if you want your dragon to reach its final form there's a few hoops to jump through. By the end I found my inventory full of unused items and unspent money, so maybe I was too thorough. I also followed the guide's advice to seek out rare enemies to grind levels on, which may have reduced the difficulty but I'd rather that than the tedium of getting destroyed in late-game battles and having to replay sections. Saga is old-school in that way but it is from 1998 after all.

Panzer Dragoon Saga is such an unconventional RPG that I can't help but admire it, but at the same time it's clearly held back by the technology of the time and development pressures that result in it feeling messy and clumsy. There's no denying it has atmosphere and ideas and ambition, but it just didn't translate to the transcendent masterpiece that it's been built up as for me. Moreover, as a Panzer Dragoon game, it has almost nothing of what I really want out of a series that is otherwise stylish and inventive rail shooters. If telling a deeper story is what you want, then Orta was much more successful at it just by having a little more cutscene between levels! Even the rich world and visual design of the series is compromised rather than enhanced here as a result of the combination of gameplay styles/scales. I'm glad I played it but it's firmly the black sheep of the series as far as I'm concerned.

#panzer dragoon #panzer dragoon saga #team andromeda #saturn #review

[clood]

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

MUAHAHAH time to be super annoying >:3c [copies and pastes the ones i've answered via ask]

1. How many words have you written this year? me: sees this question and immediately whips out the phone calculator this year i wrote 39,118 words! nowhere near as much as the freakish anomaly that was 2022, but still nothing to sneeze at ;) this is also not counting a SECRET WORK that i cannot reveal yet... that puts me at 41,208 heehee

2.How many works did you publish this year?

a nice, even 10!

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

because of the nature of the reverse bang and getting to create a fic for someone else's art, i am very proud of both rose-tinted and play pretend. particularly play pretend, because i think i achieved the princess bride vibe i was going for.

then of course i am so proud of myself for venturing into the one piece world with i'll leave it to you, which i don't consider to be good very at all but it marks the point where i took a little leap and shared something in a new space! growth!

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

only human, no contest. such is the nature of multichapter and big bang works xD

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

i'll leave it to you was so unexpected! with hxh being a relatively quieter fandom, i had no idea i would get as much engagement on a silly little oneshot in the one piece fandom as i did. bizarre.

goes to show that metrics like kudos and comments and hits are all fake and you should just write what makes you happy.

6. Favorite title you used

not so bad (after all) is such a good, classic something (something else) ao3 title xD

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

y'all. i'm being so for real when i tell you i am SHOCKED AND AMAZED at the fact that i did not use one single song lyric this year. what happened.

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

LEOPIKA!!! you can tell i was in a leorio phase this year

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

LEOPIKAAAA!!! see above ;)

10. What work was the quickest to write?

the figurine disaster came so quick because it was so fucking funny in my head xD

11. What work took you the longest to write?

longest because of its length would obvi be only human. longest in terms of the emotional toll it took for me to figure out what the hell i was doing is nearly a tie between not so bad (after all) and play pretend.

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

hmmm only the one that's been sitting in my wips for nearly 3 years now. librarian/florist au i will destroy you.

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

my longest work this year is my hxhbb fic, only human, which sits at 16,724 words.

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

omg so fun. conversely, my shortest work this year is the figurine disaster, a fic written for the greed island challenge server i help shal and liv run! this one has 1,221 words.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

please see question 12 orz

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

y'all i am so shit at tagging things on ao3. tie between fluff and missing scene, which only have 2 works each xD

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

LEORIO!!!!! i had so much fun with leorio this year, i'm so glad i found my rhythm with him this year because every fic with him has been so much fun to think about.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

oof i think i butchered melody, tbh. not so bad (after all) was SO HARD to write because i didn't know who the hell melody was deep inside the way i felt i did leorio, so it feels really unbalanced imo. however, i am still proud of that work and i think the one person it was written for enjoyed it, so that's all that matters!

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

leozep... more zosan... shuggy... i read this question wrong and therefore will not choose one

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

through sheer force of will in editing, i suppose only human.

through the absolute giddiness of entering a new fandom, i'll leave it to you.

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

495. fic with most kudos was full bloom, merokomu fans have good taste

22. Which work has the most comments?

only human, as my only multichapter fic this year

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

if reverse bb fics count, then yes: rose-tinted and play pretend. otherwise, not this year!

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

yes!!!!! rose-tinted, play pretend, whisper in the wind, girl stuff, full bloom, and housewarming! 60% of this year's fics were gifted!

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

YES SOBS. my dear sweet selkie wrote me THREE gifts this year and then some friends in the greed island server came together with gifts!!! for mods!! where Fathomless_Crazy wrote Paint This Paling Town and i wept about it

26. What’s your most common category?

M/M lmao with gen in second place

27. What do you listen to while writing?

i think this year i was a total weirdo and sat in silence. i do have a tunes for typing playlist though with no words to distract me that's just a mix of classical, videogame and anime soundtracks, and some random lofi

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

maybe rose-tinted? or honestly the figurine disaster was kind of funny. although i did really have fun with i'll leave it to you. GAH.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

oh christ. after brief reflection, i think the following chunk from my most recent fic and foray into the one piece fandom, i'll leave it to you, wins. the drama!! the angst!!

The reality is, Sanji has no idea what he’s doing, or even if he’s helping Zoro or just making everything worse. His hands, his goddamn fucking hands still tremble, and no amount of nicotine can help him now and—god fucking dammit Zoro is just bleeding through all the bandages Sanji is wrapping around him, staining a silk tiger crimson. So he keeps wrapping. There is nothing left for him to do but use up all the goddamn bandages he has. Sanji isn’t a god-fearing man, but as he works he is praying to whatever gods favor Wano—or don't, given what he’s seen of this desolate country—that he isn’t paralyzing or killing Zoro as he works.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

probably that i didn't do very much of it this year! i don't know where all the time went... through this it was a pleasant surprise to find that over half of my fics this year were gifts, so that's fun!

PHEW. now i cast the plague upon ye and tag everyone in the world who sees this to do it too :)

#i did it lol #clood speaks #long post #my writing