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anxiouspregnantlady · 3 years

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17+4

First...I want to note that I’ve (for the most part) stopped counting the days/weeks of my pregnancy - like I had to think for a bit before I wrote the title of this post. I think this is a small but lovely marker of how much less anxious I am feeling, and how I’m not in survival mode anymore (aka I just need to make it one more day...one more day...).

So, in this week of pregnancy:

Maternity clothing purchases. Uhhh... I’ve bought a lot of stuff this week. First I bought a pair of inordinately expensive joggers from *yikes* lululemon. I have a lot of unreasonable shame about this. But last Saturday I just couldn’t find any bottoms that weren’t uncomfortable on my belly (I don’t have any maternity pants yet, and it was 32 degrees out so no skirts/dresses unfortunately), and so...I stormed off to lululemon in a somewhat emotional state. BUT I am so very happy with my purchase and most of all am confident that they’re going to last throughout the pregnancy AND be wearable postpartum (I went up two pant sizes). I know everyone raves abt the align leggings but I just couldn’t make them work, maybe my legs are abnormal? Like when I went up one size, the belly was too tight still, but when I went up two or more sizes, the ankle was super loose.

My rule of thumb re: maternity-specific clothes is that I won’t pay more than $20 for an item and hope not to buy more than 1 pair of jeans and a few pairs of shorts. This week I scored a pair of (used) madewell maternity jeans for $20! They have the adjustable side panel rather than the belly band which I think will be better for summer. They haven’t come yet but I’m hoping they are it.

K & I also went to the chinatown mall this weekend and walked into H&M to ask if they carried any maternity clothing..the guy just looked at us like we were crazy. “No.” Like, why would we?? Same at Gap, Old Navy, etc. Sooooo I bought a nursing bra and a pair of maternity sweatshorts off the H&M website. I think the last time I ordered something from H&M was over 8 years ago lolol but apparently they have good maternity stuff, so...we’ll see!

Baby purchases. This week I bought my first ever thing for baby. This is a HUGE milestone. I’ve been way too scared to buy anything for the past four months (for fear of what if, blahblahblah). So I guess this was more symbolic than anything? Anyway I bought this hat from a super fancy baby shop downtown and it’s SO FREAKKIINNGGG CUTE and teeny. Damage about $10, oh well. Also fairly gender neutral. We know bb’s gender/Biological sex but still are hoping to dress them in all kinds of colors.

Baby movements. Feeling baby move quite consistently, and yesterday while we were lying in bed watching TV k put his hand on my belly and felt his first kick!!! Honestly this has been such a double edged sword...feeling baby move is SUCH a lovely relief and so precious. But when I don’t feel bb move when I feel like I ought to I get stupid anxious even though you aren’t even supposed to worry about consistent movement for like...another two months.

Nausea. So. This past weekend nausea came back with a VENGEANCE. I had 2-3 days of nausea + migraine + fatigue and felt so sad/defeated because I didn’t know how long the spell was going to last. Thankfully it lifted and I’m feeling back to my second trimester self. THANK U HORMONES. THANK U BB.

My weight. I unintentionally found out my weight - it was written on a labcorp report for my alpha fetoprotein blood test - which came back negative yay (means vvvv low risk for spina bifida/downs). I guess your weight affects the interpretation of the results. I think ... it mattered a lot less to me than I thought? It was also lower than I thought (but not that much). Also I was just happy that the result was normal. I’m actually pretty glad that I know my weight (taken at 16+4) even though it’s just one data point. It’s a couple lbs over what I’m assuming to be my pre-pregnancy weight so I think what happened is I lost 5-ish lbs during the first trimester and then gained a little more back over the past 5-6 weeks, which seems pretty good to me. I think I might be ok knowing my weight at various milestones moving forward (like I’d be curious to know what I weigh around delivery) but I’m pleasantly surprised that it doesn’t mean that much to me / it’s actually not that big of a deal. I feel good in my body and that’s what matters.

18 weeks. I need to just get this out somewhere... I’m a little nervous about crossing 18 weeks because my mom had a stillbirth/late miscarriage at 18 weeks. There. I said it. That’s all. She said it was due to low amniotic fluid so you’d best believe I am chugging water like there is no tomorrow.

Dental cleaning. Feeling anxious about dental appointment in .. one hour hahaha. I have been avoiding the dentist for a year (COVID was a good excuse). I know it’s so important to see the dentist during pregnancy BUT my stupid insurance is so bad that nobody I call will take this plan anymore so I am going to pay out of pocket for a cleaning. And refuse x rays. I am quite religious about dental hygiene but somehow I still have teeth problems - probably get this from my dad. Anyway. I am trying to adopt a ‘curiosity’ mindset and say, let’s DISCOVER how my dental health is and FIND OUT what we can do to be as healthy as possible (sounds so stupid lolol) rather than just lapsing straight into anxiety. AHHHHH. will report back later.

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