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#the shame is always there like wtf!!!
puppyeared · 11 months
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Xīn Yá and @crow-cap ‘s Little Sailor
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elliesbelle · 4 months
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NOW I HEAR YOUR VOICE EVERYTIME THAT I THINK I’M NOT ENOUGH
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#but literally like#that’s exactly what happens now#AND I FANTASIZE ABOUT A TIME YOU’RE A LITTLE FUCKING SORRY#LIKE???? is there NO guilt?!?! i have to live with the grief and you get to be fucking happy#‘i deserved to move on’ ‘you think it was easy to move on’ IDGAF you still moved on??????#YOU ONCE CALLED ME FOREVER NOW YOU STILL CAN’T CALL ME BACK#the FUCK happened to loving me always????????? through thick and thin???? i never stopped fucking loving you despite what i was going thru!!#all i feel now is fucking shame and disgust for myself because didn’t i fucking say?????? didn’t i fucking say you were gonna leave me again#and you swore you never would again!! then wtf happened!!!#you couldn’t handle my trust issues with you and i just know you hated me for not getting over them#i literally can never trust anyone ever again i am never trusting anybody with my fucking heart again EVER i can’t do it anymore#AND I JUST CANT IMAGINE HOW YOU COULD BE SO OKAY NOW THAT IM GONE#literally you’re fucking okay and in fucking LOVE with SOMEONE ELSE i am literally fucking NOTHING to you anymore#you always have and will ALWAYS find love in and with someone else and i never will again#the possibility of being with someone again literally disgusts me i am not doing it ever again#‘you’ll find someone else eventually’ i am NOT like YOU who always finds someone else i literally have NEVER found anyone else since you#i am literally and have never been enough and you don’t care#v#belle speaks
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softiecharlie · 1 year
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"I prefer the sun being just in the shadow and working in it without anybody really noticing."
— Charles Leclerc for RacingNews365, 2022
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veronicathegoddess · 11 months
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it's always so funny when people think i'm cool and confident and the type of girl that doesn't get hurt and is always put together like i didn't apply to be on a dating show bc the guy i liked applied to be on it and then cried for multiple nights after he blocked me on everything like a week after i told him i liked him and he only explained why after he saw my messages telling his friend that i was up all night crying about him and then literally did cocaine because i self sabotage when i'm heartbroken and now idk where to go from here cause i feel like i've definitely hit new lows but will i most assuredly find a new low to hit in the next week or so unless i get over him? yes, yes i will.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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angelsdean · 1 year
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oh baby i love you. young dean is so !!!! sjdksd say that !!!!
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neverendingford · 1 month
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#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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sylviaplathenthusiast · 4 months
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i am here screaming crying throwing up because once again someone has told me that i have great potential and i feel like fraud because i am
a-not interested in putting in the work
and/or
b-simply lacking comprehension of some aspect(s) of the area
which means i somehow convinced these people im a natural when i have done nothing but stayed lazy and stupid
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avtrr · 1 year
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WHERE ARE MY FOUR LEGGED DRAGONS, EH JAMES???????????
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briarhips · 11 months
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So unreasonably pissed rn everyone goes on understandably abt living w slobs but neat freaks are even worse. So anti life so anti giving urself a moment before breaking ur back cleaning and wasting ur life away doing just and only that (“cleaning”)
#i am not a child I put my dishes in the sink UNLESS. and ONLY. if I am going to use them again#if you’ve known me my whole life long u know this#I made a small amount of super spicy pasta I wanted to cut up an avocado into my empty sauce residue filled bowl and eat that bc I’m not#quite full BUT OFC as I’m washing dishes instead of immediately doing just that like I wish#I have the water on and my mother who I just asked to stop trying to teach me how to load it bc again. I’ve been doing it my whole damn life#tosses the bowl in the soapy disgusting water before I can say anything and doesn’t even seem to hear me when I tell her why I had it out#not even in an angry way. before she walks out the door to go on a walk or smth. what the actual fuck. why#not enough sauce left to do it again unless I have another helping#which I’d love but I’m saving it for my brother wow I fucking hate everything#no amount of food is never enough which is funny bc I fucking HATE food actually#I know I’m being crazy but wtf. wtf. why do I care the most abt being REASONABLE and not wasting food I could kill somebody w the avocado#rn I’m soooooo pissed#mine#it’s not just the bowl it’s the not being listened to it’s the always sssuming if I’ve left a ‘mess’ (read: sign of life) it’s bc I’m an#unreliable slob that should be berated shamed and shut up immediately just. fucking god#I cleaned up everything before having a single bite what do u want from me 🔪#I’m sorry but housewives w no peeosnal lives outside the family and house are neurotic abt cleanness and make it everyone else’s problem#guaranteed you’d be normal and not want to destroy all evidence of a family in ur house if u didn’t start one only bc u were supposed to
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akkivee · 2 years
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that sounds like a bad habit samatoki may have picked up from sasara lmao
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sun-pluto · 2 years
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i think it’s a. very specific experience when you grew up being taught english as your first language, but because your parents speak multiple languages, they speak them when they don’t want you to understand what they’re saying. so instead you grow up eavesdropping and secretly learning that language so you can understand what they don’t want you to hear.
i’m pretty sure i speak for a lot of people HAHA but it’s still specific!!!
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navramanan · 1 year
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:/
#too many men have NO shame NO haya NO respect vallahi. it almost gets me worked up#this one guy sat next to me ON PURPOSE. the seat next to his FRIEND was empty. then along the way several more got empty#he stayed sat next to me and i'm not dumb i knew it was on purpose#then minutes before his stop he starts talking to me 'is everything well?' i dont know u and wtf do you mean#he asked several times i said yeah very weirded out#then he goes where u from are you german. then he gestures to his head saying very good meaning me wearing hijab#VOMITTTTTT WHO ARE U EW EW EW#i got so icked out cuz the audacity????? how you commenting on that?????????#i hate that it when it has to be said cuz it should be COMMON sense not to act this way not to make stranger women uncomfortable#but you like imagine someone doing this to your sister???? the fact it has to be said#the fact men dont have this common sense in their brains and only (sometimes) clock it with comparisons to their mums or sisters#before getting off he stretched out his hand to me to shake it AUUGHHHH???? NOW WE DONT KNOW THAT'S HARAM?????#had to say no two times cuz he insisted like you fr frrrrrr have to be stupid to ignore body language#cuz i was visibly weirded out. then he tapped me on my shoulder before getting off. shivers#you think it's very good when a woman wears hijab bit THEN sit right next to a non mahram woman when you couldve sat next to your friend#you look her directly in her eyes make comments about her covering (v inappropriate) THEN try shaking her hand#it's always the ones so so delusional about what theyve done wrong may Allah guide them for the sake of the women they give a hard time to#i rarely have encounters like this but i'm sure other sisters have it worse and they are TIRED#if any non muslim tries to analize this interaction to come to the conclusion that he was being normal and i'm overreacting#give it a rest xx#nesi rants
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augustine-orlov · 2 years
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this is kinda regarding the last post kinda but ANOTHER THING - stop shaming people whatever they shave (or chose not to) certain body parts, it’s none of yer fucking business.
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nightly-ruse · 11 months
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I feel like I should get to not question reality every single day at least for lesbian visibility week. Let me have this plz
#just let me be a lesbian in peace and not always spiral into whether any of this is real#I had the worst fucking dream and it completely ruined my day genuinely#I was not me. some girl with black hair that was a lot young and I was going on the bus with my older sister#it was normal. we step on the bus then it cuts back to like another day#and as I’m getting up from the porch to go to the bus my mom in this persons life stabs my#dad and I just watch#and I call the police bc WTF JUST HAPPENED#and as I’m calling the lady on the phone is asking me again and again if I need someone#and suddenly my hands aren’t so small their larger. I’m not a little girl I’m all grown up#and I’ve just called 911 in a fit of remember a past trauam#the lady starts shaming me and saying crazy ladies need to stop calling#so I’m upset and I go outside to where a massive white heron is#and we talk. I feed him I fill up the fountain in our yard#but I keep questioning if he’s real#bc randomly he just switches to a boy that looks like me#we walk up the road and are called crazy by these kids playing hopscotch who don’t let him join in#ofc I’m angry bc their being mean to my son who is also a heron but maybe not?#and as I’m walking back home with my heron/son beside me he disappears and I wake up#just gasping trying to know if my son was real if he was a heron or if he was even a boy#and mind you I am not me. I’m a whole new person the ‘parents’ are not my own look nothing like my own family#I’ve also never had a porch that leads to the road or had my#mom kill my dad obv. or a son obv#it’s just plagued my day. it felt so real. not knowing if any of it was real felt so vivid and strong#it almost hurt. like I feel#like I can’t breathe now#it’s just confusing#my dreams#vent tag#kinda is I mean it wasn’t a fun experience#ruse rambles
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maplesyrupsainz · 24 days
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙slut! | CL16 MV1 ˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: charles leclerc x model!y/n reader (she/her) x max verstappen, lestappen x model!fem reader
genre: social media au, polyamory, established relationship x new relationship
warnings: polyamory lol lestappen, mentions of cheating & slut shaming
summary: in which you and your boyfriend get a new boyfriend and everyone gets confused, or in which no one considers polyamory before branding you a slut
a/n: i wanted to make this so bad ever since i got the request & now is the time 🙏
request!!!: I was thinking maybe when model!reader dating Charles and she starts hanging out/becomes friends with Max, and then everyone thinks that she cheating plot twist they are all dating
my masterlist
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instagram ->
charles_leclerc
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liked by landonorris, yourusername, and 813,754 others
charles_leclerc 💋
tagged: yourusername
view all 9,138 comments
user1 my fav couple forever
user2 y/n is so hot
user3 her leg on him🥹🥹
yourusername love when im in almost every pic
charles_leclerc duh, you are beautiful
user4 stop ittt
maxverstappen1 beautiful couple
liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername
user5 oh hi max
user6 are max & y/n friends?
maxverstappen1 posted a story
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liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, and 692,418 others
user7 OMG Y/N???
user8 hottest girl in the world wtf
user9 where's charlesss
user10 max are you third wheeling
user11 i am no better than a man 🥵
yourusername
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liked by yourbff, maxverstappen1, and 812,018 others
yourusername bahrain bahrain bahrain
view all 13,027 comments
user12 aww i love that she's friends with max now
user13 y/n are you a lestappen shipper like us
yourusername yes x
user14 OMGGGG
user15 she's insaneeee 😍
charles_leclerc what is that picture
yourusername you and max
maxverstappen1 he's ashamed of me 😢
yourusername he's so nasty
charles_leclerc no.. what the?
twitter ->
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instagram ->
maxverstappen1 posted a story
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liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 614,788 others
yourusername BECAUSE IM A GIRL LEAVE ME ALONE!!
maxverstappen1 😂
user19 shaming her for why
user20 where r u going
charles_leclerc she needs lots of outfits okay
maxverstappen1 dont defend her!
user21 they're spending sm time together lately and where is charles
yourusername posted a story
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liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc, and 634,802 others
user22 got any games on your phone
user23 WHERE ARE YOU GOINGGG
charles_leclerc be kind to eachother
yourusername we are 😅
charles_leclerc hmmm
user24 i need more info on this friendship
f1wagupdates
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liked by user21, user9, user16, and 231,044 others
f1wagupdates an image has emerged of max verstappen and model y/n y/l/n, who is famously known as charles leclerc's girlfriend of almost four years. is she cheating on him with one of his own friends?
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user25 what the actual eff
user26 IS SHE CHEATING ON HIM??? WELL OBVIOUSLY LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE
user27 wtf im spinning around in circles
user28 just threw up
yourbff everyone always thinks they know everything 🙄
user29 huh??? what is she on about
user30 the pics there to prove it.. 🤡
user31 what is going onnnn
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes, and 915,274 others
yourusername my job is so fun
view all 12,837 comments
user32 is cheating fun too
user33 what the hell???? so shameless
user34 charles still in the likes?
francisca.cgomes ily
yourusername ilysm 🥰
yourbff hot girl
yourusername real
charles_leclerc my perfect girl
yourusername 💋 love u
user35 ??? does he not know
user36 im so lost
f1wagupdates
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liked by user13, user34, user4, and 283,615 others
f1wagupdates we are here once again with a y/n y/l/n sighting, this time once again with her boyfriend charles leclerc. does anyone know what is going on? lol
view all 10,732 comments
user37 can someone explain to me what the hell is happening
user38 maybe she's dating both of them lol
user39 😂😂😂
user40 she did say she shipped lestappen 💀
user41 omg slut much?? wtf is going on
user42 grid bunny
user43 this is sick and twisted
twitter ->
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messages ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, and 1,233,017 others
yourusername & if they call me a slut u know it might be worth it for once
view all 28,962 comments
charles_leclerc my girl 💋
liked by yourusername
maxverstappen1 my girl ❤️
liked by yourusername
user48 wait guys...
user49 they're all dating arent they
user50 OH MY GOD?!!??
user51 poor y/n LOL
francisca.cgomes 🫶🫶
pierregasly 🩷
carlossainz55 ❤️
yourbff proud of u all 😘
lilymhe 💜💜💜💜💜
user52 we're sorry y/n
THE END ❤️💙
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