#the scheduler failed me this morning
May 3, 2021: Finally Finished
It was a pretty light day. Big things happening in Belgium. Crown Princess Mary is being left off of the calendar? AND the big project is finally finished, and only a month late.
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GOJO SATORU COLLEGE HEADCANONS
AUTHOR’S NOTE: dumping some college!satoru headcanons here !! here’s what it looks like if you happen to date him during your college days
WARNINGS: slight swearing
The whole school is going crazy mad at Gojo Satoru, who happened to be your classmate and boyfriend because of his looks and intelligence
Everyone will be shocked because this is the first time in forever that Satoru committed in a relationship
Expect lots of gossip around you because of that
But when Satoru admitted his feelings towards you, he can bet Nanami Kento’s glasses that he is fucking serious about you; he never felt this nervous before
You were hesitant at first because of his reputation but he will prove it to you by courting you
Despite him being a playboy, he have no freaking idea on how to court someone because he never done that before
He’ll probably go to Nanami for some advices; Nanami don’t want to entertain him at first because he thought Satoru is just fooling around but will give up since he is too persistence; at that moment, Nanami knew his friend is deadass serious
Satoru will never be embarrassed on bringing you a bouquet of flowers at 7am in the morning and walking you to your first class
He’s a natural flirt so his words always come out naturally
Eventually, you’ll fall for him and say yes and boy, he’s the happiest person in the damn world
He can’t fall asleep due to the happiness the night you said yes so he ended up ordering a cake for you at 2 in the morning lmao
Once you’re dating officially, expect your pictures to be all over his instagram feed and stories
Every college event, he always have a picture with you
He’s also the type to keep polaroid pictures of both of you in his room and wallet
If your schedules are conflict with each other, he will wait for you no matter how long it is
Lots of cafe dates after school!!! Since he’s a sweet tooth, he always wanted to grab something sweet and you’re the best person to be with when he’s craving
Your first kiss will be very memorable; it happened when you failed an exam for the first time
The moment you came out of your lecture room crying, Satoru immediately wrapped his arm around you and buried your head on his chest
“Satoru, i’m so fucking useless. I-I can’t fail, my scholarship I-” “Shh, don’t say that. You are the strongest and bravest person I know. You are stronger than a covalent bond!”
You’ll crack a small smile and Satoru’s heart will melt internally because you are so damn pretty
And it happened, he unconsciously bring his face towards you, connecting your lips with each other
Satoru could feel his cheek getting wet with your tear streaks but he don’t mind it at all
Once the kiss is broken, he will let out a laugh to conceal his blushing state
He will help you to study for your next exams so you’re most likely glued to him after school everyday
Since Satoru is a little shit, he’s the type to make an agreement that every time you get a wrong answer, you have to kiss him
Expect some trolling around and a little make out session between your study breaks
He’s your number 1 support system in all aspect
Once your exam is over and the result is good, Satoru will be the proudest boyfriend ever
He might even spin you around when you announce it to him
“Thank you so much for helping me, Satoru” Followed by a peck on his check
Man, Satoru will malfunction
GOJO FUCKING SATORU WILL BLUSH and pull you in a kiss
Everyone who witnessed it will be shocked and photos of both of you will be all over the college campus because for the first time, Gojo Satoru is dating someone seriously
Gojo Satoru might be a playboy in the past but after he met you, he learned on how to be serious and commit for the first time; he’s insecure with himself at first because he might not get your trust and faith on him but assurance from you will end it all; he will be the proudest guy and he will cherish and love you eternally; Gojo Satoru might be know as someone who trolls a lot around people during college but when it comes to you, he’s serious all the time and the least thing he will do is hurt your feelings and break your heart
© all rights reserved inumakizone 2021.
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In The Feeling of Welcoming Eid
Tomorrow is Eid.
I thought today would be Eid already. I failed to understand the estimated Eid date on google until I watched Sidang Isbat last night. It's the second time of Ramadhan from home anyway and how’s everyone Ramadhan though? Mine went pretty okay compared with last year, but here’s at the end, the feeling of ‘I could’ve done better’ keeps persisting apparently. At least my daily schedule was quite well-run, I didn’t change my sleeping time at all considering on Ramadhan we usually have more activity at night. One of the reasons to stay active during the day is because there’s more time in the morning. I used to think that it'd be better to switch the night sleeping time into morning until noon so technically we should not wait too long until iftar, but unfortunately there are still classes (even today I still had 3 classes lol) so I can’t sleep in the morning or I’ll skip the class.
Good news, I was aware that I couldn’t let my body sluggish during fasting with many things to do, so I tried to keep drinking 2 liters of water and cutted off all of the caffeine, sweet drink, or any drinks that would easily absorb body fluids. Surprisingly it worked! Perhaps this is the first time I didn’t feel the typical body limp because of fasting. Of course I felt thirsty and half hungry but most of the day I didn’t feel that sluggish. But poor me, in the middle of Ramadhan, I had time to feel pain in the gut. It was my first time in life experiencing that kind of stomach ulcer. I felt a little bit surprised honestly because I didn’t drink any caffeine and I ate very well, so how can I have a problem with my stomach then. At the time when I went to the clinic, the doctor said that if only after I drank the medicine I still feel pain, that means I had to stop fasting for a while. Fortunately it healed after a few days so there’s no additional fasting to pay.
Tomorrow is Eid.
And I can’t wait to eat home made opor ayam by my mother. I remember when we were celebrating Eid in the first year of pandemic, where the govt encouraged us to do Eid prayer at home. I must say that it was the most peaceful Eid in my life, which my family and I shouldn’t be in a hurry to catch up with Eid prayer at 6 am. Given that we are quite a big family so we’re facing hectic situations everywhere even we fight over the bathroom LOL. I miss that moment somewhat, basically walking to the mosque, greeting neighbors, having a big meal with typical Eid food, visiting the whole family, or mudik sometimes. But again, I was still enjoying this Ramadhan. Ramadhan from home means building the vibes on our own. I’ve tried a few things to make mine more exciting, including both bukber and virtual bukber with my friends. Over all that enjoyment, I’m sure we are always aware that there’s people who can’t feel the same joy in welcoming Eid because of certain situations and constraints; especially people who are still affected by this pandemic and the recent heart-wrenching news about the attack on Palestine.
I know I couldn’t thank God enough for all of the privileges I have. Feeling beyond grateful to let me go through this Ramadhan ideally with my family and friends, and to let me write this post in between the shouted sound of takbir.
Eid Mubarak everyone! Selamat merayakan Hari Kemenangan.
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𝔹𝕦𝕞𝕡𝕪 ℝ𝕚𝕕𝕖 // ℍ𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕘 ℝ𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕦𝕟 [ℕℂ𝕋]
⚜ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ˢˡᶦᵍʰᵗ ˢᵐᵘᵗ, ᴬ ˢᵖʳᶦⁿᵏˡᵉ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒᵐᵉᵈʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ, friends to lovers
⚜ᵂᵃʳⁿᶦⁿᵍˢ: ᴬ ᵇᶦᵗ ˢᵘᵍᵍᵉˢᵗᶦᵛᵉ, ˢˡᶦᵍʰᵗ ᶜᵘʳˢᶦⁿᵍ
“Just trust me!” Haechan yelled out in frustration.
“Are you kidding me right now? Give me one good reason to do so!” Renjun argued.
“My plans are brilliant!”
“Your plans fail miserably sixty two percent of the time!”
“Yeah, but the other thirty-eight always work like a charm!”
“Is that your way of convincing me, seriously??” Renjun started to hurry towards the door to escape his friend’s advances.
“I’m just trying to help speed things up dude!” Haechan screamed. “JUST CONFESS ALREADY YOU COWARD!”
The door in front of Haechan shut soundly. He felt his anger building up inside of him like a volcano. It wasn’t the fact that his best friend had a painfully obvious three whole-months- crush on you. It wasn’t the fact that the two of you already looked like a couple to the outside world. No. What was pissing of Haechan so much was the endless hours of Renjun's bottomless imagination and running mouth talking about you all the time. How cute you looked that particular day. How your lips curled differently into a beautiful smile every day. And like a good friend he was, Haechan even got to the point where he actually tried to sneakily extract the desired piece of information from you so his very lovestruck friend would hopefully find the courage to ask you out. Nothing ever worked. Ever. It was so ironic. Apart from his friend’s “little” secret towards you, the two of you could talk for hours on end. About everything and nothing. And it drove Haechan insane. So much, that he had finally decided to take matters into his own hands and play matchmaker for one final time. So what if Renjun did not want to confess his feelings of undying love to you? Haechan was sure that his plan would work and finally earn him the peace of mind he so desperately needed.
One week later~
“Haechan is getting late.” You mumbled looking at your phone screen, your fingers restlessly tapping on it. You took a quick look around the bus terminal again in hopes to spot the auburn-haired boy.
“I swear to god, if he won’t show up in the next 10 minutes, we’re leaving without him!” Renjun rolled his eyes angrily.
“We can’t do that! He organized the whole thing himself for you guys! Don’t be so mean to him.” You chuckled at his furious eyebrows.
“The more reason why he should be here already! Stop taking his side!” he whined back. You let out an amused laugh.
“Fine, fine. I’ll try calling him again-“Before you could dial, you heard some footsteps running towards you and Renjun from behind your backs. You didn’t turn around fast enough. The only thing you heard was a body collision and Renjun’s sudden scream, later accompanied by a familiar teasing voice.
“IM HEREEEE!!” Haechan happily announced, his body clinging on Renjun’s back like a koala, trying to restrict his hands from grabbing him by the collar.
“Finally!” you grinned.
“YOU’RE A DEAD MAN, GET OFF ME YOU MONKEY!” Renjun barked back at him.
“I’m sorry im late, I forgot to set an alarm~” he sang teasingly, hopping off Renjun’s back. Renjun eyed him menacingly.
“You’re lucky y/n is present or else this would’ve ended up differently!” he growled.
“I don’t really mind~” you sang teasingly. Renjun viciously grinned at your remark, his eyes falling right back to Haechan, whose face was filled with disbelief.
“I worked my ass off for this and that’s the thanks I get??”
Before you could say anything else, a mini van that looked like a small bus arrived at the terminal. The front door opened as you walked over.
“Good morning! Are you the ones that rented this vehicle for the whole day today?” the driver politely asked you.
“Yes! That’s us!” you smiled back at him.
“Hop in then! We are about to go behind schedule! The road through the mountain is considerably longer and bumpier than the highway!” he said.
“We’re not using the highway to get to the beach?” you tilted your head to the side.
“I was planning to but the gentleman who booked us specifically requested that we use go through the mountain. He said the view would be more enjoyable. I have to say, I can’t blame him. The view really is breathtaking up there!” he beamed. Your eyes started sparkling with excitement. Maybe Haechan knew what he was doing after all.
“Come on then! We don’t have any time to lose!” the driver shouted at the two boys behind you, gesturing them to enter the bus.
“Wait, we’re still 5 people short!” you exclaimed in a hurry. Mere seconds from your sentences and two figures swiftly passed in front of you in the speed of light, violently entering the bus, screaming at one another.
“FRONT SEATS ARE MINE!!” Chenle sneakered evily.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU TIED MY SHOELACES TOGETHER! HOW OLD ARE YOU?!” Jisung screamed back.
You were starring in awe and disbelief. Then a hand rested on your shoulder. Your eyes fell at the boy on your right as he was heavily panting.
“We’re, huff, here... huff” Mark said out of breath before he dragged his body inside as well.
“Shall we get going as well y/n?” A gentle voice offered from behind your back, a hand slightly pushing you towards the bus entrance. You glanced behind you.
“Oh, you guys arrived just now as well?” you wondered as your legs started climbing the steps inside.
“Yes~” Jaemin hummed sweetly, as Jeno kept pushing you further inside.
“Y/N wait up!” Renjun yelled, as he hurried to the bus as well, picking up his fallen backpack in the process. Right when he was about to enter, he felt an arm yanking him back. He glared at Haechan in annoyance.
“What? What is it this time?!” he cried in frustration. Haechan just looked at him in silence, his lip corners slowly transforming into a sly grin. Renjun’s eyes widened. He felt cold sweat on his forehead. He just knew that somehow; his friend was up to something.
“What did you do?” he asked him with a shaky voice.
“…It’s a surprise~” Haechan’s eyes glistened in thrill as his masterplan had finally started.
“After you~” he hummed, gesturing Renjun to move inside.
“I will kill you…” Renjun sweared under his breath before quickly entering the bus, Haechan following suit right behind him.
Upon entering, the bickering and screaming noises became amplified. The inside of the bus was a complete mayhem. Renjun’s eyes scanned the place for anything suspicious. Everyone was already seated with someone. Except from Mark and you. Mark was sitting in the third row, messing with his phone. You on the other hand, were seated in the far back of the bus, right next to the window, your eyes eagerly waiting for Renjun to come sit next to you. Renjun was so anxious about everything at that point. His initial plan was to sit next to you either way. But Haechan’s words were resonating inside his head, making him have second thoughts about every decision he would make in this god forsaken trip. He knew very well what kind of surprise his friend could have meant. And he wasn’t about to fool himself in front of you. He would never.
His eyes quickly fell to the seat besides Mark. Haechan, being very attentive of his friend, dramatically jumped in the way, falling flat on top of Mark, denying him the opportunity to sit next to him in a flash. Mark screamed in agony while Haechan was just eyeing back his still standing and very infuriated friend.
“Oh sorry, but this seat is mine~” he sang innocently.
“You will not live to see the light of day again.” Renjun threatened.
“Oh no, Im so scared!” Haechan acted in fear before a grin appeared in his features once more. “Go sit with your lovie in the back~” he teased.
Renjun’s face turned into a pale shade of pink, he could feel the embarrassment traveling through his whole body. He took a glance at you. You looked at him in complete obliviousness, smiling like an idiot. He sighed in defeat before shooting Haechan one last look of death, before making his way over to your seat. Taking a deep breath, he placed his backpack to the floor, right next to his seat. His eyes were still fidgeting around the bus cabin in a desperate attempt to find something out of the ordinary that Haechan could use against him.
“Renjun? Is everything okay?” you wondered.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, why?” he quickly replied, not looking you in the eyes.
“You look a bit… out of it, that’s all.” You smiled at him.
“N-no, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” He sighed in frustration, as he carefully sat down next to you. You instantly moved closer to him, trying to show him something funny on your phone, already snickering. He jumped inside his skin, startled by your sudden movement and the usual closeness of your bodies. He gulped in defeat. Haechan took one last glance over at his distressed friend.
“Wait for the surprise I have prepared once we get to the beach” he snickered to himself.
“Surprise?? What surprise-“ Mark wondered before Haechan’s hand covered his mouth with lightning speed.
“You’ll see~” he schemed.
You knew that the trip would take longer than usual, but you didn’t expect it to take that long. It was almost early noon, and you were still on road somewhere up in the mountain. Although, the view from up there was really something else. You could see glimpses of the sea in the horizon every few seconds, as the bus crossed through a wide variety of trees, grown to the sides of the road. The only complain you had was that the road condition could’ve been better. It was about fifteen minutes ago that the bus cabin was getting shaken every few seconds because of the harshness of the road. Most of the shakiness wasn’t that bad. On the contrary, it was the kind that could make a person sleepy. But sometimes, the bus cabin was jumping up so violently, it almost made you sit up from your sit, thinking that something was going wrong.
Needless to say, you got used to it pretty quickly. You couldn’t say so about Renjun though. His eyes were restless. His body was too. Whenever your legs bumped together accidentally, he scooted his whole body further away from you. Every time your hands or arms touched, he flinched away in an instant. He never had any problems with those things in the past. Yes, sometimes he would blush, but he was always quick to recover. You stole a glance of him with the corner of your eye. You sighed to yourself quietly, looking outside the window once again. This wasn’t how you imagined the mood of the trip would be. Not a word had left his mouth since he sat besides you. Every attempt you made to initiate some kind of conversation with him was somehow turned down by short or one-word answers. He didn’t even dare to look at you for some reason, as he was still eyeing the whole cabin for something. You just felt a little disappointed. You were looking forward to all the new things and conversations you could have shared at the trip. Maybe he had one of those days.
Renjun’s heart skipped another beat as your legs accidentally touched with the shaking of the bus cabin. He cursed under his breath. Only if Haechan hadn’t told him anything from the beginning. Only if he had kept all his feelings inside him this whole time. But he knew that was barely impossible. He stole a glance at you. You were looking outside the window peacefully, admiring the view from up there. He would agree that outside was very beautiful, yes, but he swore that what his eyes were laying upon was breathtaking. He gulped in frustration. He could see a tiny frown in your facial features after all. And he knew that him not actually interacting with you for the whole journey was the case of it. But his mind was lost. He didn’t know how to act. He felt like a kid that his parents were denying him a sparkling toy. He was a good boy. He didn’t want to cross any line. But boy, how he wished he could. He felt a strange heat emitting from inside his heart, slowly taking over every inch of his body. He felt a change happening. Full of horror, he managed to take his eyes off of you. Instead, his gaze fell to the lower half of his body. His eyes widened in shock.
“Fuck” he cursed in his mind.
You felt a tiny cramp in your legs, as you tried to stretch them out in the little space you had between you and the back of the front seat. Your face frowned a bit as it didn’t seem to particularly work like you intended. You poked your head slightly above the back of your front seat, curious as to what the others were up to. All you could see was the top of their heads above their seats. And much to your surprise, they were acting rather appropriately for a bus ride. The mayhem at the start of the trip had ceased a long time ago. Almost everyone was on their phone, it seemed like. Maybe someone was sleeping as well, given that you could hear a light snoring. Some of them were chatting away about stuff. There was some music in the background as well. The driver sure had some nice taste. You felt your leg muscle twitching slightly again as you groaned in annoyance, your body falling back of your seat soundly.
That seemed to somewhat pique the interest of the boy next to you, as he gave you a confused look. You glanced back at him for a few seconds, trying to get into his mind. Sadly, it didn’t work at all.
“My leg muscle is acting up a bit” you explained.
“Yeah… I think I need to walk a bit or else my leg is gonna fall asleep.” You exclaimed, as your body instinctively moved towards Renjun’s seat, ready to sit up, expecting him to sit up as well to let you move to the aisle. His body did not move an inch. His eyes just widened at your request before he felt his muscles tensing up. His arms grabbed his jacket almost instinctively, throwing it on his lap. He shifted his upper body nervously before awkwardly tucking his legs to the side. You were confused at his actions to say the least. There was a faint blush painting his ears and cheeks. Was he frustrated about something? Wouldn't it be easier for him to sit up for a second? Oh well, it didn’t matter.
Standing up, you tidied up your clothes for a moment, before carefully passing in front of him. It was right at that moment that the road decided to be bumpier than ever. The whole bus cabin shook violently. Your legs lost control of your body for a second, making you lose your balance. In those mere seconds before you hit Renjun, you managed to shift your body in a way that in your mind, thought that it wouldn’t hurt him by the impact. Your eyes shut firmly. You felt a pair of hands reaching and hugging your body around your waist, accompanied by a soft, yet somewhat painful sounding groan. You looked up in an instant. You found yourself sitting in his lap, somewhat hugging him.
“Oh my god, are you okay??” you frantically asked but he just breathed heavily in response.
“I’m so sorry, I lost my balance- Does it hurt??” you shoved your worried face in front of his, your hands slightly examining his upper body for any signs of pain.
Renjun’s face lit up at the closeness of your bodies. Yes, the fall kind of hurt but it was nothing compared to the heat he was feeling on his face that moment. He just looked at you in awe, his mind desperately trying to formulate words. All his senses became keener. Your words were flowing inside his mind. Your breath gently hitting his face. Your gentle figure pressuring softly on his body. He felt his fingertips burning around your waist. He felt his mind about to shut down at the way your thighs were shifting on his lap. He was overwhelmed. He never knew his body was going to react this way towards yours. He had always thought about it. In theory. But he never imagined the actual thing to be this intense. This heated. This needy.
You took his face in your hands gently, trying to take a look at his face, as you didn’t get any answer the whole time you were freaking out about him. You never thought you’d see his face so red. He was starting to sweat as well.
“Renjun, your face is hot!” you exclaimed in worry. “Are you having a fever?”
“…Maybe” he muttered under his breath. Of course he knew he wasn’t sick. But while he could somehow think clearly, he tried to avert you from the real problem. His problem. But it proved to be an impossible task. All he was thinking about was the weight of your body against him and how much it was turning him on. He felt his hands clenching tighter against your skin. His breath becoming heavier and heavier by the second.
You were looking at him attentively this whole time. Your mind was telling you something was wrong. You wanted to believe that all this was just a sickness. Then why did your body started to feel weird? You couldn’t look at his face anymore. You found your body shifting nervously on his lap. Your head was yelling at you to sit up. But weirdly enough, all strength was lost from your legs. You felt a familiar heat spreading to your whole body. The same kind of heat you felt on his face. The same kind of heat you felt on his body. You strangely found yourself craving for that heat. Your heart beat faster and faster. With every passing second, the true situation unfolding had started to hit you for the first time. Suddenly, you became self-aware. Aware of the closeness of your bodies. Aware of your unstable breathings. Aware that your bodies fitted each other so perfectly.
In a moment of clarity, it seemed like your mind gave your body the needed push to try and sit up from his lap.
“I-I’m sorry, Imma move-“ Before you could finish your sentence, you felt your hands being grabbed tightly, pulling you back down on his lap, your back facing him this time. Your eyes widened in surprise as your body was still somewhat trying to break free from his grasp. Not because you hated it. No, you loved this feeling. But it was a dangerous place for this right now.
“Renjun, a-are you okay- Umh!” Renjun’s hands left your forearms and this time landed on your thighs, his fingers digging into them.
“Don’t” he tried to control his heavy breathing. “Please… Don’t move y/n”
You nodded immediately at his request. You couldn’t help that feeling though. The feeling that you somehow belonged there. There was it again. That heat. Your eyes darted up to the rest of his friends, worrying that someone might have picked up on the situation.
“…Are you gonna be okay like this?” you stuttered softly.
“Probably, just… stay like this for a second…” he inhaled, letting his head rest on the back of your body. He breathed in and out, trying to relax himself. Your scent was mixed with the air. He couldn’t explain why but your scent always seemed to relax him.
“Y/n…” he whispered under his breath.
“…I’m sorry” You took a deep breath, trying to sound as level minded and logical as possible.
“I-its okay Renjun… It’s a natural reaction after all, it’s not your fault-“
“But it is…” he confessed.
“…” your heart skipped a beat.
“This wasn’t the way I imagined it to go after all…” he muttered almost silently. “I… I like you” he breathed against your back.
The three words kept ringing in your ears. You felt your body strangely relax at their sound. You let out a small chuckle, finally relieving all the pent-up tension. Your hand found its way on top of Renjun’s grip, softly trying to caress it.
“Stop laughing at me…”
“Shh… relax… it’s going to be fine…” you smiled to yourself. “I know it must be hard for you right now. What do you want me to do?” you reassured him with a soft soothing voice.
Renjun’s body flinched at your gentle voice. His muscles finally seemed to relax a little bit.
“Just… stay like this for a bit…” he breathed, his mind starting to clear bit by bit. You sweetly hummed back at him in response, your thumb caressing his hand gently. His face was still buried on your back. He took a deep breath. He softened his grip on your thighs little by little, as the rush and tension from before had started to slowly vanish, being replaced by the most heartwarming feelings in the world. His fingers shyly danced around your hand, finally finding their way and entangling them with yours.
“Better?” you whispered sweetly.
“Yeah, you can move now” he finally exhaled.
You swiftly jumped over to your seat. Renjun shut his eyes and threw back his head in irritation. Not at you. Not at the previous situation. He was mentally beating himself up for the fact that this was the way he actually ended up confessing to you. He felt like hitting his head against a wall. He just did not want to face you that moment. He was embarrassed. But also so content. But he couldn’t help feeling flustered again for the fact that he was feeling content. You could not blame him. How could you? The same feelings came crushing to you as well. You shyly stole a glance of him. His ears were on fire. The same blushing veil fell over his cheeks as well. His mind was trying hopelessly to formulate words. Yours, being a little clearer at the moment, beat him to it.
“For what it’s worth… I like you as well” The words left your mouth so naturally. Renjun’s frantic eyes softened immediately at the sound of your words. A small smile formed on his lips, as he exhaled in total defeat.
“Let me make a better confession next time y/n” he chuckled to himself.
“Why? I quite liked this one~” you looked out the window, half joking, a little brushing of pink still evident on your ears.
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Toll Of The Bell
Chapter 3 - Sonder
> Read on Ao3
> Chapter 1 (tumblr)
> Chapter 2 (tumblr)
Summary: What now? He could roll over and accept the fate thrust upon him and die as Adler intended. Starting a new life away from it all couldn’t be that bad either. Or…
Or he could finish the mission.
Relationship: Russell Adler x m!Bell
Warnings: No Warning apply this chapter
Words: 1.8k (7.3k total)
A/N: I'm sorry this one took so long asjdfjf I'm awful at keeping any sort of regular schedule- but i'm going to be trying much harder to keep the chapters flowing :') I'd love to hear any thoughts, and thank you all for the support <3 (p.s. Adler will be here v soon- Promise uwu)
"Please stop staring at me."
Bell has no intention of doing so. He's been staring down Lazar from the moment the man stumbled into the kitchen to join him at the table. The sunlight is harsh despite the closed curtains and the coffee fails to stimulate either agent's mind. This certainly isn't Lazar's ideal morning. The silence stretches on, but the uncomfortable feeling of Bell's eyes on him has him sighing loudly.
"Damn, Bell, alright." Lazar gives in. The chair scrapes loudly against the tile floor as he pushes back to stand, disappearing for a moment and returning with a bag. It piques Bell's curiosity; he was too tired to notice it last night.
A folder slaps loudly against the table and slides a few centimeters towards Bell. The Russian, unable to contain himself, surges forward to snatch it. "You're right about your buddy. Definitely a smuggler of sorts."
Bell flips the folder open and begins rooting through the contents. A picture of Kapano Vang is clipped on the inside. The first page has basic information. Name, call sign, date and place of birth. Bell's more interested in the finer details: A few suspected routes, potential cartel members, a list of what they believe is being smuggled. There's a few recurring words that catch his eye. Golden Triangle Cartel is scribbled at the bottom and underlined twice. Beside it, drawn in bold red ink and circled multiple times, Bell reads PERSEUS?
"What did you see yesterday, in those memories of yours?"
Bell gives a small shake of his head. "It was a bar, I think. He was there." He taps the portrait with a finger. "And someone else who knew us but.. I couldn't remember his face," The Russian gives a disappointed click of his tongue. "Or his name."
Lazar tries to offer a reassuring smile. "Hey, don't sweat it. It'll come back to you."
Bell wishes he could share in Lazar's positivity. He really does. But he can't be sure what brought the memories to him in the first place, or why they were so fragmented. After spending much of the night agonizing over any additional detail he might remember about Perseus or Kapano Vang or anyone else he had seen at that bar and coming up short, Bell's hope started to slip. In the end he could only point fingers at Adler and his MK-Ultra project. "So what's next?"
Lazar doesn't answer right away. He looks thoughtful. Even with their revelation on Kapano Vang and his cartel, they are nowhere closer to finding Perseus than they were before. They are back to square one.
"Well, I could try cross-referencing with MI6 again-" he means Park, Bell thinks with a snort "-and see if they have anything new."
Lazar's looking at him intently and Bell realizes he's waiting for a response. "Oh, uh. Yeah." Bell shifts awkwardly in his seat. "Whatever you say."
A week later, the two man team have no progress to show for their efforts. In that time, Bell's gone over the files at least a dozen and a half times and nothing's changed, nor have any new memories resurfaced. Lazar's cross-referencing has yet to unearth anything new either, telling Bell MI6 is just in the dark as they are.
"This isn't working, Laz." Bell slams the paper back against the kitchen table. His irritation is reflected in the other man's face but Lazar does a better job at hiding it. "We just have to keep looking," Lazar sighs. "We have the answer here somewhere."
Bell clicks his tongue in disapproval. "I've been over these files again and again. There's nothing here. We're not going to find Perseus on some piece of paper-" An idea strikes Bell. Something he never considered before now.
"Bell?" Lazar frowns. "You alright?"
"What if we look for that bar?" Excitement shines in Bell's eyes. Lazar's startled by his suggestion.
"I don't know-"
"C'mon, Laz, think about it. There was more than one Perseus agent there, in my memory." A plan was beginning to hatch in Bell's mind. From the way he's looking at him, Lazar doesn't like where he's going with it. "If we find that bar, maybe we can find one of those agents. Maybe even match some of these faces." He looks down at the file of unconfirmed but suspected Perseus soldiers.
"I don't know about this," Lazar repeats slowly, uncertainly. "If someone recognizes us it could cause some trouble. Especially if they recognize you. You helped stop Perseus the first time. No doubt his people are painfully aware of that."
Bell doesn't want to hear it, though. "It's just a risk we'll have to take," he argues. "I'm a spy, Laz. I know how to keep my head down."
After a bit of back and forth it's settled. First, they'll compile a list of bars in areas known or suspected to be frequented by Perseus. Then, while in constant contact, as Lazar insists, Bell will make his way through each alone and hope nobody recognizes him while he searches for the bar from his memory.
It takes two days to assemble a full list and another day and a half to narrow it down and map a route.
"I'm still not happy about this," Lazar grunts as he drops a duffel bag onto the table. Bell eagerly snatches it and begins shuffling inside. "You worry too much, old man."
The first thing Bell pulls from the bag is a change of clothes. They both agreed he needs something casual. And clean. It would make blending in with the crowd much easier. Too excited about the upcoming mission has Bell stripping where he stands. No time for modesty.
"C'mon, Bell, in the kitchen?" Lazar turns with a light pink tinting his face. Bell grins wide but doesn’t reply. The new outfit fits comfortably. He returns to the bag and roots around for his next prize. There’s a knife with a sheath and a small handgun waiting at the bottom. The knife is removed first. Bell carefully slides it free of its sheath. The blade is unusually slim and dark in color, and sports a dangerously sharp tip with partial serration of both sides near the hilt. Bell’s entirely absorbed in admiring the blade, so much so that he misses Lazar’s amused look until he speaks up.
“I thought you’d like that one.”
Bell returns the smile. “Oh, hell yeah. It reminds me of the one I had in-”
“Hey, Sims! You know reading that shit’s gonna make you go blind.”
“Yep! That’s why I want it alll up here.” Sims shot Adler a lazy grin. The commander slapped the book back against Sims’ chest.
“Bell, you’re with Sims. You usually bring out the best in each other.”
“RPGS! BRACE! BRACE!”
Bell watched in horror as a rocket collided with the chopper beside theirs. It careened dangerously before smashing into theirs, sending their own bird into a death spiral.
Everything was in chaos.
“Grab my hand! I gotcha! I got-!”
“We’ve lost power-!”
“We’re going down-!”
Bell blinks hard and his smile falls. There’s a knowing look on Lazar’s face and neither agent speaks a word about it. “C’mon,” Lazar gives a pat to Bell’s shoulder. “Showtime.”
The pair ride in silence. Lazar’s behind the wheel, giving Bell some time to think. He tries to keep the mission center focus, but the memories of Vietnam are overwhelming, fresh in his mind as if they just happened. And they’re not even real. I was never in Vietnam.
The car rolls to a stop and breaks Bell from his thoughts. “Alright, remember, coms on at all times.” Bell rolls his eyes and pops the door, deftly sliding from his seat. “I mean it, Bell!” But he slams the door without reply, turning towards the street. The small earpiece is already safely pressed into his ear and hidden behind his hair.
The checkered brick sidewalks stretch wide on either side of the street. There’s a decent amount of people strolling to and fro, some carrying briefcases and dressed in neatly pressed suits, others in casual attire with seemingly no important place to be. Lazar pulls off, leaving Bell to head for the first destination on his list.
The first thing Bell notices as he pushes into the first bar is the pungent mingling of smoke, alcohol, and sweat in the air. The floor beneath his boots is a glossy hardwood and matches the light oaken walls. The occupants chatter noisily, and although the sound is familiar, the atmosphere is not. This is not the right place. Keeping his appearance as casual as possible, Bell slips through the crowd and retreats out the back door. He glances around to confirm he’s alone before mumbling his findings to Lazar.
One down, seven more to go.
The second bar Bell stumbles into is smaller. There are less individuals milling around and the golden walls are all wrong from the dark cedar panels from his memory. The third bar is even less promising, while the fourth and fifth are so far from Bell’s memory that he’s positive he’s working backwards now.
Bell rejoins the thinning herd on the streets with a dejected sigh. This wasn’t working out. There’s two more bars to check and already it was getting dark. He’d hope for something; A clue, a new memory, a familiar face. Lazar keeps up with words of encouragement but Bell doesn’t have the capacity to share the optimism.
The sixth bar Bell checks holds a notable hushed atmosphere. Right away he’s stricken by the dark atmosphere. It felt.. Tense. Insidious. It doesn’t feel right, but for an entirely different reason. While most of the denizens ignore Bell, a few side-eye him dangerously. He steps to the counter and orders a drink, primarily to alleviate any suspicions from both inside and out.
Bell can’t shake the feeling of eyes boring into his back. It’s somehow different from when he first walked in and was certainly making him more uncomfortable. He shifts in his seat and tries his best to nonchalantly turn and find who the hell was staring at him so hard, but when he looks, he finds nothing out of the ordinary.
The feeling of unease doesn’t leave. He grows antsy and finally after paying with money given to him by Lazar, Bell downs the last of his drink and turns back into the streets. This is certainly not going the way Bell had hoped. The seventh bar is quite the walk from the sixth, allowing him some time to breathe and collect his thoughts.
The feeling of unease melts from Bell’s shoulders the longer he walks. Lazar’s quiet so he turns his attention outward and listens curiously to the broken chatter of the dwindling civilians.
“-think he talks about anything else?”
“Well, it’s not like-”
“That’s not.. Point.. Why else-”
“I just think you should consider-”
A hand lands heavily on Bell’s shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. He turns in surprise.
“Timur!” A man stands before Bell with a lazy smirk and a gleam to his eyes- as if he recognizes him. His dark hair is cropped close to his head and a pair of lightly tinted shades adorns his face. The accent is certainly not Russian, and it throws Bell off guard. “Hey! Remember me?”
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I'm here, love
Pairing: Ray x [fem] Reader
Word count: 1 916
Genre: Comfort / Fluff
Summary: Reader isn't handling it well when she goes with MCR for a tour for the first time, but Ray is always there for her.
TW: Anxiety attack
Requested by anon
Tour has been going on for some time already, almost a month, but it actually feels like forever. All the agitation can be really immersive, turning the attempts of keeping track of time difficult, even more since we mostly follow a nighttime schedule due to the concerts. We’re almost always heading to a bar or club after the concerts, so it’s basically falling asleep at two in the morning to wake up at noon or something in the best days. Certainly not the best thing.
Today is thankfully one of the break days in which the guys don’t have any concert and we arrived to the next city earlier than usual, what means we’re lazing around for most of the time.
“…because he’s not here, duh!” Ray’s voice becomes audible as he leaves the bus, grinning as looking back at it and shaking his head after Mikey says something, though I’m not able to understand any of it. Only a small smile remains on his face whilst he approaches me, taking a seat on the ground with me. “Hello, love,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“Hi.” I smile, pecking his lips, and put my phone down.
“What are you doing?” He raises an eyebrow, looking around for a moment like if trying to find what kept my attention until now.
“Nothing, really,” I say softly, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Do you want to go do something? I wanted to, but didn’t want to ask while you were busy with the others.” The thought of interrupting the four’s talk and probably attracting all that attention wasn’t exactly appealing, I’m secretly thankful he finally left the bus.
“Aw, you didn’t have to wait for all this time.” Ray’s eyebrows furrow lightly as he pecks my cheek. “And we could go look for a café or a restaurant, how does that sound? It’s almost lunchtime, after all.”
“Sounds good!” I smile, liking the opportunity of spending some time alone with Ray.
He seems just as happy as standing up and offering me a hand, which I take to help myself standing up. “So, how are you feeling? With the whole tour thing, I mean.” Ray wraps an arm around me when we start walking down the parking lot, concern laying under his apparently normal expression.
I hum, looking away for a moment. “Oh, yeah, I’m alright. I’ll let you know if I need anything, thank you.” I press a kiss to Ray’s cheek, trying to demonstrate my appreciation despite the subject making me tense up a bit.
Ray is more than aware of my problems with anxiety, already having helped me through its ups and downs, and both of us already predicted how the whole tour thing would interfere on it, mainly because it’s my first time tagging alone during one. We already had a hard time before the tour itself – I got too panicked at the whole thing since I barely knew how it would work –, hence he’s been worried and making sure of always checking on me.
Truth is that I’m not as alright as I’ve claimed to be. The tour has already reached my nerves and I can already feel this familiar buzzing under my skin, threatening to intensify, making me lose it yet again. It, however, won’t happen; I’ll not let that happen. Ray won’t even know.
We’re soon walking into a restaurant, the smell of food filling the ambient and, somehow, it feels good and bad at the same time. Not a surprise, since the anxiety usually has me either eating compulsively or not eating at all, so I think my body decided it’ll be better if I stay inside that bus for hours with an empty stomach, right?
We take a seat and place our orders – I balance my choice between something that my body won’t reject and Ray will not complain about, what seems to work.
“Y’know,” Ray breaks the silence between us, “what have you been thinking about watching us live?” He glances at me, expectant. His question doesn’t fail in making me smile since he’s probably referencing how I used to keep bugging him with questions about the tour concerts.
“Awesome, of course!” I grin, letting my eyes fall to my plate as I drag the food around for a bit. “It’s just amazing, I love it, seeing you playing is just…” I shrug, feeling my cheeks heat up whilst Ray breathes a chuckle, but I’m unable to look at him just yet. When I do glance at Ray, he’s grinning. “You know how much I like it.”
“I just wanted to check,” he says smugly – I snort, shaking my head playfully.
“Already regretting bringing me with you, tho?” I raise an eyebrow, finishing to eat and leaning back on the chair.
“Never!” Ray says indignantly, shooting me a look. “I’d have taken you with me before if I knew you wanted it that bad!” He pauses to take a sip of his drink. “Like, I missed you an awful lot and the tours tend to be fun. Though there are a few problems, but…”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I press my lips together and nod as he does the same.
We sit in silence for a moment, only until Ray finishes eating and soon calls the waitress. She grins as coming closer, a block of notes in her hand and a pencil on the other. “Well, you two have ordered for…” she trails off, mumbling under her breath as scribbling a few things down on her paper before grinning and handing Ray the bill; he nods, reaching for his wallet. Meanwhile, the woman looks at me, wide eyes looking at me from up to down with that fake excitement. Okay. What’s wrong? Maybe she’d judging my clothes? Or that I’m with Ray?
I try to ignore the woman, turning to Ray. “Hey, I was thinking we could—”
“Keep the change,” Ray tells the woman as handing her the money, ignoring me. Fuck. “And do you know any convenience store or café nearby?”
The two engage into a conversation and maybe it’s the instability and stress due to the whole tour-anxiety thing or whatever, but I can feel my heart heavy due to it. My plan is to continue there, of course, leave with Ray so we can spend mor time alone with each other, a plan that I give up on as soon as feeling a sting in my chest. I just stand up and leave.
Why did Ray ignore me? What did I do wrong? He got tired or annoyed, perhaps. …Or, yet, I’m just overreacting. Hell, I know Ray wouldn’t do that to be in purpose because he is usually so loving.
A sigh escapes my lips as I glance back and I really want to come back – I would, if I wasn’t so far from there already. It’s the best to just give him some random excuse later.
Holy fuck, but, honestly, everything only went downhill from the moment I decided to tag along.
First of all, I panicked at the sole fact I was going to come with them to the tour then got extremely awkward during a whole week and half, barely talking with anyone asides from Ray – what got Mikey annoyed at some point, what I’m sure of even if everyone denies it. And then we went along with all the minor events, like me being the last one to get back to the bus, almost getting lost in the venue and simply being unable to talk to anyone asides from the band and the staff, among other inconveniences.
Everyone must be more than done with me, to be honest. And there’s still a whole other month before we can go home, I don’t think I’ll be able to go through all of this with the mess I am.
I sigh in relief at seeing the bus and am about to walk inside it when Gerard show ups out of seemingly nothing, looking around, but his attention quickly falls on me. “Oh, (y/n)— Hey, were you crying? Something happened?”
The question makes me freeze, just now noticing the tears threatening to slip from my eyes and consequently making me feel like all of my blood instantly drained to my feet. “I-I—” I stutter, unfortunately simply unable to finish the sentence, and end up just running away from there, going to an isolated spot of the parking lot to calm down. I don’t want anyone seeing me having another attack, make them even more annoyed and attract all that attention.
Air just escapes my grasp, seemingly impossible to continue in my lungs for longer than a few seconds whilst the tears simply do not stop, even if I don’t even want to be crying or anything, fuck off.
I take a seat on the grassed area, under a tree, and bring my hands up to my eyes.
Cleaning my mind is just impossible, I just keep thinking about how everyone is going to be shooting me these stupid concerned looks when I’m back to the bus and how I’m only going to continue being another source of stress to them during the rest of the tour. Ray should’ve just left me home as usual and—
“…(y/n), listen to me, (y/n)! I’m here!” Ray’s voice cuts through my thoughts and I can feel his hand around my wrist, the other one on my back. “Hey, baby, it’s okay. C’mon, breath with me,” he says softly before starting to set a breathing pace I can’t help but to stick to.
Hell, when did Ray even get here?
I’m getting better when my breath hitches in my throat at the thought I’m only annoying him and I can’t help but to let out a weak sob his time. Ray only starts to rub my back. Even if I’m crying, I do feel better than I did earlier, now slowly becoming more aware of my surroundings while all that filled my mind moments ago were these awful thoughts along with all the panic and worry.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper shakily, bringing my hands down to bury my face in the crook of his neck, trying to synch my breathing with his.
“You don’t need to be sorry, love,” Ray says softly, thumb running along the back of my neck in a weirdly soothing manner. “Don’t be ashamed of it or anything, this whole thing is really stressing. Even us had problems with it at first, so everyone understands how you must be feeling.” His voice helps me calming down, giving me something to hold onto to keep myself in reality asides from his touches.
“Thank you, then,” I reply, my voice still tight.
“It’s okay. I do it because I love you.” Ray pulls away lightly and smiles at me. His hands cup my cheeks, warm against them, whereas he wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “And I want to see you fine, okay?” He presses his lips against mine in a light kiss I’m thankful for. “Let me know about it the next time you feel like this, please.” A quiet sigh comes from him as he furrows his eyebrows at me, worry obvious there. “Are you feeling better now?” I nod. “Really?” he asks and I nod again, pecking his lips like if to prove it. “Okay…-“ he smiles, relieved, “-…how about a coffee now, hm?”
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made their s/o upset with them
pairings. kyotani kentaro x reader, bokuto koutaro x reader
warnings. toxic traits
an. im sorry i got busy with school but here is your request. i hope you you'll like this. have a nice day! 💖
their team lost in a game. you weren't able to make it to his game but you made sure to stream it.
when you got home, you made sure to cook something for him.
you heard a click, indicating that he's home. you run to the entrace and welcomed him with a warm smile.
"welcome home, kyo. do you need something? i cooked your favorite." you didn't hear any response to him. "hmm.. should i ready a warm bath for you?"
again, he didn't respond. you were about to hug him but he dodged it. "kyo-kun-"
"leave me alone, y/n. can't you see that i don't need anything. i don't need you smooching me. I don't need it. leave me alone."
that stopped but instead of saying something, you just nodded and went to the kitchen.
you ate there alone and after cleaning you went straight to the living room and grab your laptop.
you tried working but his words and how firm his tones were stuck on your mind.
you don't know if ypu were just sensitive but that made you upset.
your heart sunk. you were just trying to comfort him, cheer him up and do something for him but as he said, he doesn't need it.
the next day, you woke up first. you were reheating some leftovers from last night when you heard his footsteps.
"morning, kyo." you greeted him. you just looked at him and continue setting up the table.
meanwhile, kyotani just looked at you. you were so silent, the atmosphere was awkward and you're obviously avoiding him.
after he washes the dishes he went to were you are which is the living room. but when he was about to sit next to you, you moved away.
"that's it. tell me whats your problem."
"i don't have any problem, kyo."
"you said to leave you alone yesterday and now that i am, you'll get mad at me. just where will i put myself?" you bursted out.
"y/n-" you stood up but then he grabbed your hand, making you stop from walking away.
"im... im sorry. i shouldn't have lashed out my frustration to you yesterday. i didn't mean those words. im sorry."
you didn't say a word and just nodded at him. that made him sigh.
he pulled you to sit on his lap. "please talk to me." he said as he rested his head on your shoulder.
"can you promise to not do it again?"
"yes. i promise. pinky promise!" he looked at your hands that was resting on your lap. he slip his pinky on your pinky.
"you don't have any schedule for today?" you asked. still looking at his and your pinky locked together. it just looks so cute that you want to take a picture of it.
"i don't have. do you want to go somewhere or you want to do something?"
"nah. let's just stay here." as you said those, his other arm held you by your waist and buried his face on the crook of your neck.
you always make a bento box for bokuto, always! you never miss out any day.
today, bokuto have an early practice but woke up late. while he was showering you were preparing his bento box.
he almost stumbled when he's trying to put on his shirt while carrying his training bag.
he run to the door
"bo, your lunch!"
"it's okay, ill just buy something later. you don't have to make me bento, im not a baby anymore." then he shuts down the door as he wave goodbye to you.
you sighed and looked at the bento you prepared for him. you just put it aside and continue your day.
it was almost seven in the evening when he went home. "have you eaten? what do you want?"
"no, we dined out. remember that restaurant that serves delicious yakisoba? the one that you tried making but failed because it came out too salty? we ate there." he was so happy when he's telling you what happened during and after his practice.
you looked like you were listening to him but your mind was wondering around and replaying his words.
to be honest, him declining the bento made you upset and now, by the way he said those words, it seems that he doesn't appreciate what you were doing for him.
that day, you were just sulking, and even for the next couple of days. you didn't dare to prepare a bento for him again.
"huh? that's it?" he noticed that you weren't handing him his bento box. he actually misses it. those flower cut fruits and vegetables, those cute picks and those character you added. plus, ypu always make sure that the food you prepare according to his diet plan.
"what do you mean?"
"you haven't made me a bento box for days now, y/n. do you not love me anymore?" his shoulder slouched back and his lips were pursed.
"bo, you said the you don't want it anymore. and maybe you were getting tired of my cooking." your voice was almost a whisper.
and the memory of the other day come flashing on his mind. he remembered what he told you that day and he insensitive he is that night.
"that's not true! i love your cooking!"
"its okay, bo. you don't need to comfort me." you caress his face with your thumb.
"no, please make me bento box again." now, he embraced you. he gave you his tightest, warmest and most comfy hug.
it took you moments before answering him. "okay. tell me beforehand if you want or if you have plans out with your team. hmm?"
"yes. i promise!" he's all smile now. he push you gently and made you face him.
"im sorry if it made you feel like i don't appreciate it but i do! i really do! i always show it off to my teammates and make them jealous because i have you who prepares me bento everyday. im really sorry."
you rubbed his shoulder. "it's okay, bo. were okay now. im sorry i was a bit sensitive."
"no, you're not! uhm... as a sorry and thank you gift, why won't we have a date this weekend? let's try that newly opened korean barbecue restauran!"
"okay, its set then! but ypu have to go now, bo. you'll get late on your practice." you said as you looked at the clock.
"right!" he run towards the entrace. but he run back to you as he kissed your lips then run back to the entrace again.
"be careful!" you heard the door shut but then ypu heard it open. you looked at the entrace and saw bokuto.
"i love you!" he shouted. then he shut the door.
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day 3: cherish
Human AU, G, 700 words.
Arthur Kirkland (England) / Teodomiro da Costa (Portugal)
They have fallen into a routine. It was the same one they had gotten used to since Teo’s second book, the one that made it to the top 10 best sellers for weeks and catapulted their normal, small existence into unwanted fame.
Back then, Arthur had begrudgingly accepted being shoved around by the publisher’s publicist, left at the fringes of the room while Teo’s picture was exhaustively taken and he was asked again and again why did he decide to kill the main character in the final chapter. Read the damn book and learn why, he would grumble to himself and Teo would laugh tiredly, thinking Arthur couldn’t see the bags under his eyes from going on too little sleep and too much self-doubt about his own literary choices.
His husband had the habit of doing his best writing late at night and well into the early hours, so Arthur and his strict accountant schedule would leave him to it in his office and curl up in bed alone, only to wake up the next morning to find him tucked in the far side of the bed where he had slipped quietly into as not to disturb Arthur’s sleep even if it did leave him with the shortest end of the blankets.
The second book’s success had been a surprise to all of them, since the first one hadn’t gathered enough attention and barely made any money back to the publisher. But now there was even talks of an award, and even though Arthur knew it stroked Teo’s ego, it also weighted him down. There were great expectations for the third book currently being written. Would it prove him to be as great a writer his new acclamation made him out to be or would it expose him as a fraud who had gotten lucky, but was no more than another failed writer struck by fleeting inspiration? Arthur knew his husband well enough to know he hoped for the former while firmly believing in the latter. He also knew that whatever happened, it would equally crush him.
So he let routine take over and hoped it provided him with the solid ground he needed. He would wake up in the morning while he slept and leave him breakfast and a full pot of coffee in the kitchen before heading into work.
You’re too good to me, Teo would tell him when they finally saw each other during the home-cooked dinners he greeted Arthur with when he would come home at night after spending the day looking at his computer screen and excel formulas and blurry numbers. We make it work, he would say in return and Teo would smile that small, sad smile that always spoke volumes of how little he thought of himself and that made Arthur’s heart tighten painfully.
He would then retreat into his study and Arthur would be left alone in front of the telly to watch the news and maybe the first half of the football match depending on the day.
When one night came and he made his way into bed early, and by early it meant not too long past midnight, which Arthur checked through sleepy half-open eyelids, and wrapped his arms around Arthur’s middle, breathing deeply into the back of his neck, he knew he had finished it.
“Is it any good?” he asked, securing his arms around his stomach and pulling him tighter against his back.
“I’m sure the critics in the paper will hate it,” Teo answered, which in Teo-talk meant that yes, it was good. Arthur sighed contently and leaned back into him.
And it was good. The third book proved to be an even greater success than the previous one. Some Hollywood producers wanted to acquire the rights to turn it into a movie, Teo’s schedule became a jumbled mess of meetings and interviews and photo shoots, and they saw each other even less for the following months while he went on a world tour to promote it.
But when he came back home, they again fell back into routine. And Teo laughed, small and a little too self-conscious, when he saw the page Arthur had ripped out and had framed and hung under the ancient clock they had gotten from Arthur’s older sister as a wedding gift, and that consisted only in the two-sentence inscription he had written, and was the same in all three of his books:
For the coffee.
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|Mycroft Holmes x Reader|
|AN|: I haven't written one shot, let alone something x reader in like? two years? maybe? Reader is written as non-specified gender and is only referred to as "you" , so no pronouns for reader. My love for Mycroft suddenly hit me like a truck after years so I had to contribute.
Summary: Bit of rain, whole lot of feelings, and one love confession. Maybe storms aren't that bad, if they show you that you are worthy of love after all. In Mycroft's case for sure.
Mycroft sighed as he rubbed his tired eyes. The clock on the wall in front of him showed early afternoon, yet cold and darkness spread outside of his windows as the sun hid behind heavy clouds early in the morning. Peaceful but gloomy day. Still, the heavy pounding of rain against the glass of widows and road, as well as the rustle of the wet trees in the wind was oddly peaceful and comforting. He had a hard day of work behind him, and another evening of more work ahead, just another weak attempt to distract himself from a foul mood he was put in because of the complications that came with the weather.
Important plans, well, to him at least. He was supposed to get to see you.
A busy man he was, that wasn't even up for a question. His schedule tightly packed with meetings, paperwork and more than occasional fixing of his brother's mess, or just simply preventing it, it left a very little time for pleasant distractions such as a quiet time spend with delicious cup of tea and your sweet smile. Today was not the day for distraction it seemed, certainly not as big as your company, that left him flustered and distracted hours after you said your goodbyes.
Your meetings were always a special occasion, even if they were short, brief and unfrequent because of how far you lived, Mycroft always cherished them for weeks following, replaying your lovely laugh and almost sparkling eyes in his head as he woke up and texted you a good morning message, or as he layed down to sleep and wished you sweet dreams.
He might have...cared. For you, your happiness, your well being. Much more than he would ever admit, to others that is. Inside his own mind, he knew far too well how utterly enamored he was with you.
The eldest Holmes wasn't the one to act, God forbid act upon his feelings. He could watch you, with crushing ache in his heart and deep longing as you always talked about your newest acquaintanceship, secretly wishing you held the same sentiments as he did.
You never seemed to have a shortage of suitors at your heels, one better looking that the other, with charming smiles and magnetic personas. Likeable, social, just as you deserved. While he--, well, there was no need to ruin his day further with self-describtions. He knew very well how others percieved him and how he looked. Sherlock never failed to remind him if he occasionally forgot.
Mycroft Holmes was aware, that he was nothing anyone would have ever wanted.
The relationship the two of you had now was more than he could ask for, in all honesty. Time spent together, secrets shared in quiet moments and deep trust you held, it was enough. It was all he needed, if he still could watch over you.
Outside a thunder struck, pulling him from the spiral of thoughts that he always seemed to fall into in the loneliest moments. With a deep sigh he stood up from behind his desk, eyes burning from how long he stared into the bright computer screen, and made his way downstairs into the liquor cabinet. He deserved a small break.
His house was dark, almost like a nighttime had fallen outside, but he didn't bother turning on the lights, instead he carefully climbed down the stairs, gripping the wooden railing at the side for security. By the end of the staircase, he deeply regretted his foolish decision, but before he could make even one step towards the nearest lightswitch, a doorbell stopped him.
Confused, he opened the door, only praying not to see his younger brother and his babysitter standing outside, as he had no intention nor the mood to put up with his obnoxious antics this afternoon, but instead his eyes landed on you.
A soft surpised gasp escaped his mouth as he saw you on his doorstep, shivering with cold, your clothes completely soaked, excess droplets falling on your face and the tiles outside, and arms cluthing yourself for the tiniest bit of warmth.
"|Y/N|?" He asked in quiet disbelief, almost as if he thought he was imagining you.
"We agreed to meet after too long, like hell a bit of rain would stop me," you replied with a victorious grin, lips almost purple from the cold and your whole body visibly trembling.
"Foolish," he muttered pulling you gently inside from the atrocious weather. "You are completely soaked."
"You apparently have that effect on me," you smirked, the witty remark escaping your lips without control, and Mycroft was glad you couldn't see the embarrassed shade his cheeks caught. "No, but really, I walked most of the time. You know the tube is too far away from your place, and I didn't have enough money for a cab, I figured it isn't going to be that bad."
"It was," you agreed, rubbing your hands together in quick motions, trying to gain the feeling back into your fingers.
"You should change or else you'll catch cold, come." You let him grab your hand, his skin pleasantly warm against your cold numbed one. He tried to think about anything else rather than the feeling of your connected hands, there were more important things now than such minor distractions. The image of you walking outside in the storm, just to see him. Just to be with him. It sent the most pleasant feeling into his stomach, the idea that maybe, he was almost as important to you as you were to him. But that was nothing but a wishful thinking, a desire of a naive man, and that is not who Mycroft was. There was no need for false hopes and embellished reality.
He lead you into his bedroom, the idea of what it would normally mean coloring his cheeks, but he ignored those intrusive thoughts, focusing on helping you warm up in any way possible. "You have to change into dry clothes. Mine should be sufficient for now."
"Alright." Came your voice from behind him, and he turned around to see your topless form.
His breath hitched as he quickly dropped his gaze onto the floor, trying to keep the image he saw out of his mind, out of respect for you. No matter how badly he wished to remember it. Your skin glistening with water, body hiding under the clothes he strangely found himself craving, too primal and illogical for himself to admit. It was too hard keeping his head clear, with the sight from a few seconds ago burned into his brain, unable to ignore, unablet to forget, twisting his inside it certain ways he rarely felt before.
"I will wait outside," he stated finally, pushing the neatly folded pile of clothing towards you without looking up in the slightest, and left the room.
When he shut the door after him, he finally felt like he could breathe easily again. Leaning against the doorframe, replaying the moment again and again, against his own better judgemnet, without the willpower to stop himself, and gulped heavily, trying to get rid of the strange sensation inside of him.
It was like his feelings weren't enough. Like the fact that he, after all, wasn't too different to others, as he was so deeply affected by the helpless emotions of love and how deeply he was hurting with every moment without you. So depended on your presence bringing him joy. Now he steeped so low as physical attraction, pure desire of your touch and your body. He would mock himself if he could, you were just too much.
A soft click of the doorknob caught his attention, and stayed almost staring, asking himself over and over again, why does he love the sight of you in his clothes so much.
You hugged yourself tightly, still trembling significanty, but now at least rid of the wet clothes, and smiled up at him, with warmth only you could muster at such a moment. "This is much better, thank you. Sorry for such complications."
"Nonsense," he huffed almost annoyed, like your health would ever be a complication. To him. Ridiculous. "Come, I think fire and a nice cup of tea will warm you up." Placing a hand on the small of your back, he led you back downstairs, where the big fireplace was. The close proximity the gesture put you in flustered you both, but Mycroft didn't want to let go. And neither did you.
You turned to him, looking up into his face, smiling mischieviously when he caught your eyes. "Don't you have anything stronger?"
The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, strongly liking your idea. "Your wish is my command."
Downstairs, he found the thickest blanket he had, tightly wrapping it around your shoulders, and you snuggled into its comfort immediately, watching him struggle to start a fire.
"I suppose you aren't the one for camping," you mused with a small smile, giggling shortly at his grimace.
"My, how could you possibly deduce that?" A tiny flame sparked inside, dacing across the thick logs of wood before disappearing under them, and growing rapidly. Mycroft stood up from the ground, dusting off the dirt and ashes from his hands and clothes, and looked rather proudly at his work.
"I guess I was wrong. You are full of surprises, Mr. Holmes." A warm light from the fireplace illuminated your features, the growing flames sparkling in your eyes, and Mycroft stayed just to watch. He didn't believe in perfection, that concept was unachievable and he never believed in such terms, but as he watched you in this moment, hair frizzy as they were drying from the water, the messy strands falling into your face, and just then as he watched the orange light color your skin with small smile on your lips , he though you were the only one that came close.
"Well," he inhaled sharply, pulling himself from the love-sick trance, and smiled back at you, the expression coming off more forced than it really was. "I shall go and fetch us something to drink."
Later he came back with two short glasses and bottle of a still unopened liquor bottle, sealed with silver paper and a stamp of the highest quality, almost unnoticable smile playing on his lips as he made his way back to you, where you set cross-legged on the little carpet right in front of the fire. He copied your position, awkardly folding his legs, your knees almost touching, and placed the two glasses into the space between you.
"I'm just," he started unsurely, pouring each of you a glass with impressive precision in the amount, and looked at you again, almost shyly. "I'm very glad we got to spend our evening together after all."
"I'm very glad as well Mycroft," you answered, a fond look in your eyes as you looked at the man in front of you and raised your glass in a silent gesture. He repeated the motion, nodding his head courtly your direction, and took a small sip, watching you in astonishment as you drank it all at once. "Getting warmer already," you laughed, watching the smile on his face widen at your comment and poured you another glass.
You set together for what felt like hours, and maybe it was, in comfortable silence by the melody of the cracking fire beside you, the bottle almost fully drank and the personal space between you long gone. Your feet were tangled together in the middle, knees pressed against each other, both supporting your heads on your hands as you talked, with blissful smiles and faces almost too close.
Mycroft adjusted his posture, resting his chin on his connected hands supported on his thighs as he watched you attentively, noticing and drinking in every detail of your face, your voice your tipsy mannerisms. He could never tear his gaze off you, you were captivating, like a mysterious painting hanging in the gallery, attracting everyone to look, to try to figure it out, and know everything about it. But he knew everything about you, and still he wanted to learn even more. Secrets you never told him, things he simply couldn't just see. Every morning he wanted to see your face, to give him the strenght to go through it, and ever evening he wanted to come back to it, because you felt like home. And Mycroft hated himself for being so melodramatic. This wasn't him, all these thoughts, all these emotions, they were stronger than his healthy judgement, which was already clouded by alcohol.
"Wasn't your partner worried, just going outside in such a storm?" You huffed out a breath, both amusement and annoyance mixing in that display of emotion, and Mycroft quite couldn't place, what it meant.
"We broke up several days ago."
"I am very sorry to hear that," he said genuinely, even though inside he felt selfish joy that he won't have to hear about yet another perfect match for you, another reminder of everything he wasn't. And could never be. Nothing you wanted nor needed.
"Don't be, nobody I met yet was really for me," you mumbled, dropping your eyes into the empty glass in your hands, brows furrowed in deep thought.
"Why is that?" He took the last sip from his glass and carefully set it on the coffee table by his side, his full attention at you again.
"When you meet so many people, good-looking, charming and kind people, but none of them fits you, none of them is right because you set impossible standard, almost unachievable by most people." You set aside your own glass, shifting even closer to him, hearing how he took in a sharp breath, hesitantly straightening his back.
"That must happen when one deserves perfection," he answered looking longinly into your eyes, unable to look away. You were truly hypnotising, the only thing he could look at hours without a break and never get tired. The only person he grew to love so deeply. Truly one of a kind.
"Oh, not perfection, heavens no," you laghed, throwing your head back a little at that, and he still couldn't look away. Why was it so amusing, someone as perfect, as flawless, deserved nothing less than the same. "The thing being, that it's too far from perfection, and in a world where people desire nothing more than to eliminate their flaws, something perfectly imperfect is unachievable."
You leaned closer to him, licking your lips, already pink and sweet again, without realizing, and he almost lost his control. Swallowing heavily, he forced himself to look back into your eyes, trying to forget about the questions appearing in his mind. How would your lips possibly taste? How would it feel having you so close? Heating you up with his own body, blanket too long forgotten?
He couldn't think that way. He had to collect himself, but he didn't know how. Subconciously, he leaned in as well, the gap between your faces just inches apart, your breaths almost shared in one, and it felt like he was dreaming. If that was the truth, he never wanted to wake up.
"They all lacked just one thing though," you whispered, placing your hand on his leg for support, making Mycroft to freeze completely, too disturbed by the contact and the overwhelming heat it sent through his body to think about anything else.
"That being?" he forced himself to say, his throat tight and voice quiet, almost as if he had lost his breath.
"They just weren't...you." A simple statement, a plain sentence bearing more meaning than most conversations he had been part of. His gaze abruptly shot back up, cathing he own almost instantly, but no words made their way out. He couldn't talk nor move, shock too obvious on his features, that even a child would know.
His hands moved on his own, the other times brilliant brain, his biggest pride during his whole life now shut off by a few simple words, his body moving without a single though. Your cheek was warm already, burning hot under his skin as he gently caressed it, moving out a fallen strand from your face, tracing your cheekbone with his thumb like you were the most fragile thing in the world.
"May I kiss you?" you breathed out, your eyes looking up at him, sparkling with emotion he thought he would never see in them, and he nodded, fulfilling himself the one wish that seemed too impossible for a realistic man to hold.
Your lips met in the middle, slow and hesitant as you both silently prayed you wouldn't wake u in the middle of the nigh and find out it was yet another dream.
He sighed deeply into the kiss as you moved to sit in his lap and deepened the kiss, pressing your lips against his more roughly, more needily, hands carefully placed on his neck and your whole body so deliciously pressed against his. So hot and soft, an opposite picture to your arrival, sinding the most pleasant shivers through his whole body with every slight movement in his arms. Mycroft's arms ended up wrapped around your waist, tightly cluthing your body to his like he was afraid you would leave. He couldn't let go. He never wanted to let go.
After a short while, seconds, maybe minutes, he didn't know, the best moments of his life, you pulled away, only slightly to cath your breath, and rested your own forehead against his. He could smell the rain in your hair and your unique scent all around him, and he wanted to remember it all. Every single detail, to replay it, to dream it. To live it.
"I love you," he said quietly, too long of a silence from his last words, and finally gather up the courage to open his eyes and look at you again. At your glowing eyes and wide smile, at your messy hair and body tangled in his blanket, in his own gaze, you were the perfect everyone seeked.
"I love you too Mycroft."
And he never wanted to hear a sentence repeated so much as in that moment. Fortunately, you would never get tired of saying it.
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On thin ice | 21 of 90
Today I feel like I have overeaten. At least, carbohydrate-wise.
I made my usual morning smoothie a bit lighter, since I knew beforehand my lunch was going to be bigger than usual: 1 banana, 1 date, spinach, chia gel, 125gr soy yogurt & sesame seeds for topping.
For lunch, I had to attend to a family reunion, to which I practically brought all of the food. I made whole-wheat wraps filled with 1) scrambled eggs & prosciutto, 2) feta cheese and thin turkey slices, 3) guacamole, 4) sundried tomato chickpea hummus, and 5) cherry mermelade with shredded coconut and chocolate. I also made roasted, oil-free, potatoe wedges, and a big salad from Pick Up Limes. (So yummy and fresh.) And as a side salad for the salad, I also mixed some black olives, blueberries and feta cheese with olive oil, basil and oregano. We had a fruit salad for dessert: banana, pineapple, pomegranate and strawberries.
(Of which I ate 5 mini-wraps, a plate of salad, 5 potato wedges and fruit.)
At least I think I know for sure cheese does not agree with my body so much, since I had it both yester-night and today, and no trips to the bathroom yet, and bloated, ugh.
I made it a rest day for me today.
For "dinner," (at 5.30pm), I ate another banana (because it was too ripe), some green grapes, and one slice of protein bread with olive oil and salt.
So, as I said before, a great concentration of carbohydrates today.
Overall, my mood over the curse of the day remained constant: trepidation, plummeting trepidation. And I felt, I was going to fail tremendously at this, my journey to recoverying myself. Tremendously.
I do not know why, I could not visualize my "goals," today; as if they were utterly impossible. I felt the urge of counting every single calorie I ate today.
What if I cannot reach my 90-Day expectations?
I feel I am on thin ice. I am entering Week 4 on Monday, and, virtually, I have not made any progress at all, appearance-wise. Not to my liking, anyway, not to my "I used to look this way and now I look like a wobblier version of the way I used to like to look or look-like". Ha. Gertrude Stein could have expressed it better.
Anyway. Talking strictly to myself now: please, do stay consistent, hopeful and disciplined.
I am building up my own version of Intermittent Fasting, so to say. Either 12:12, or 14:10, but I am trying, slowly, to a 16:8. I actually do not really enjoy dinner time, nowadays, I mean "pandemic nowadays," you know (days which have sharply messed with my anxiety and thus damaged so much my digestive system). I like eating something earlier, that way I can naturally decrease activity —long day journey into bed— until I fall sleep. So this week I will try to elaborate on this 16:8 idea; incorporate short fasted walks, followed by a TLB workout, then breakfast & work/university tasks until lunch; then a long walk, early dinner, work, unwind & relax. This will ideally be my schedule this week. I will follow the Calorie Density rules, this means that the only thing I ate regularly that I will have to limit will be bread and crackers.
Damnit. I am going to make it. I am going to remain focused and strong and believe in myself.
But I cannot wait for things to be the way they were (daily activity-wise, and otherwise).
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happy creator focus day @sunshinehighway ✨💛
like callum, you are the sunshine in this fandom and we and myself would be lost without your talent, your fics that spit out poetry every single time without fail and your love and support💖 we love you!
I know we don’t talk everyday apart from the odd message due to our busy schedules but you are seriously one of a kind and someone who I admire!✨
here are my top 5 fics that i absolutley adore of yours. I could say all of them but we’d be here all day:-
mon eternal amour - i think this is my most favourite from recent which you wrote for the secret santa! it was astounding and it made me fall in love with ben and callum and how they fell in love. my heart broke with callum when he had to say goodbye! i will be waiting for that sequel on when they reunite in the summer👀
winters kiss - this was the teachers au that i never even knew i needed! i remember having a lazy morning in bed (don’t judge) and i read this all in one sitting and i loved it. especially the “happy Christmas you filthy animal” at the end.
call me friend but keep me closer - i loved this fic!! you set the vibe so well and i generally felt callum’s frustration and his pining for ben. at times you just wanted to shake Ben!!
there goes my heart - this was the fluffiest fic ever! i am a sucker for a Ben, callum and Lexi fic and it was just PERFECT💖 it always pulls at my heart strings at the part where Callum taught Lexi to sing sign language🥺
closing walls and ticking clocks - i had always wondered what it would have been like if ben went on the run in January 2020 and came back and this was beautifully written and everything you could have ever wanted to happen! i loved it.
i will always look forward to any fics that you release as they will always be astounding without me even reading them, i just know it. Always continue to be your amazing you.
Much love 💛xxx
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biggest supporter (tartaglia)
relationship: rapper!tartaglia x reader
warnings: not proof-read, got unnecessarily long, childe gets referred to by all three of his name and it keeps switching throughout the fic
author's note: based on @/veechu_'s genshin idol doodle where the husbandos are part of an idol group called dckz and tartaglia is the main rapper. i'm a simp for rappers, okay?
childe was a name that was globally known. the name, albeit amusing at times to hear, was the stage name given to the youngest and main rapper of a rising idol group known as dckz. as a rapper, he was well known for his flexibility; he can rap fast, he can rap slow, he can rap in various of ways that no one knows what to expect until he opens his mouth. his stage presence was immense — although their fans all agree that no one can ever beat kaeya's stage presence — and his eyes were always burning with passion and determination. his facial features and his movements are always precise and on point, making it hard to look away from him.
of course, as most idols, his duality was something that never fails to give fans a whiplash. while he was well known on the stage by his stage name; off-stage, he was better known by tartaglia. though it wasn't his real name, that's what he uses as, despite his love for his fans, he prefers to limit the use of his real name, ajax, for his family and close friends. while childe was intense, tartaglia was an energetic young man who was full with boyish charms that can capture anyone's eyes and heart in a blink of an eye. he was much more carefree and bubbly.
childe and tartaglia — that's how the world knows him. dckz's main rapper and youngest member.
but to you, he was simply just ajax.
"hi, you must be new here! what's your name?"
you met ajax long before he became an idol. you two were classmates in middle school and you were the first one he told about his plans to audition for an idol group. throughout his preparations up to present time, you were always there by his side as his best friend. though you eventually grew somewhat lonely after he devoted nearly every to training, you were beyond ecstatic to see him reach his dreams. that's why you made sure to be there, on the very front row, when his group made their debut. you were always there for ajax no matter what. whether he needs critiques, somewhat to listen, someone to seek advice from, someone to lean on, or simply someone to ground him, you were always there. of course, you also made sure to support him further by buying their merchandise and streaming their releases.
though, you always joke how your bias is and always will be the main dancer, kaeya — something he gets sulky about especially when you showed him your photocard collection. unbeknownst to him, however, you have a special collection of his photocards that you hide.
even if he can't always see you, he would make sure to text or call at least once a day. be it a good morning or a good night, he makes sure to do so. you reciprocate by checking up on him, and reminding him to not overwork himself. these exchanges only grew further after he asked you out after their dating ban ended.
"i know i'm not the best option as i can't always be there to be with you but—" he took your hand in his, placing a soft kiss against your knuckles. "—will you give me the chance to show you how much i loved and love you by letting me be your boyfriend?"
you happily accepted as you already had feelings for him for who knows how long.
it was a tough ride as his best friend, and it was even tougher as his girlfriend. you couldn't go on dates due to his busy schedule and out of his wish to not reveal you to the public.
he wants to show you off but he doesn't want any of his fans to drag you into anything. he wants you to enjoy your life without having to deal with obsessive fans breathing on your neck.
there's also the fact that a lot of people are interested in him. while you didn't always feel jealous over his fans, you can't help your insecurities sometimes. luckily, ajax would always take the time to patiently assure you.
"they don't know me like you do, (y/n). and they're not you either. i love you because you're you, and i'll always keep on loving you no matter what."
so despite all the hardships of being his girlfriend, you accept everything with open arms. because you know that so long as it's with ajax, you'll be able to get through anything.
"i love you," you whisper as you snap out of your trance, eyes softening at the sight of your boyfriend's face on the screen.
it was already one in the morning yet he was still up and holding a livestream for his fans. he's been talking to them for more than an hour now and you can't help but feel your heart swell with pride at the sight of him happy and comfortable with his job as an idol.
he deserves this.
feeling sleep call upon you, you pull your phone and send a quick text to him. you were sure that he won't be able to read it soon but you still wanted to bid him a good night anyway. to your surprise, he picks his phone — he was using his manager's phone up to hold the livestream — up and you could see the way his features softened.
"well, it's getting late so i need to end this stream soon," he tells his fans. "but before that, i'll leave you guys with a song!"
despite his sharpness as a rapper, he was still an incredible singer. he had the voice of an angel and it never fails to make you feel safe and warm when he sings to you. so after hearing this, you quickly lay down your bed and tuck yourself in with the blankets.
you close your eyes just as childe starts to sing, his voice soothin every bit of your nerves. you could feel sleep pull you tighter, making you release a soft and contented sigh. by the time childe finished singing, you were practically asleep. but you were still slightly awake to check the message you received from ajax after feeling your phone buzz softly.
"good night, sweetheart. i love you and see you tomorrow."
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HOW THE HQ CHARACTERS WOULD COPE WITH ONLINE SCHOOL
ft:Ushijima, Suna, Daichi & Kiyoko
Warnings: curse words my bad
an: (mini-rant) what even is school at this point. I love my teachers but they need to realize group projects aren't fun
-I know we all want to give ushi the benefit of the doubt in this situation but-
-Like struggle struggle
-Don't get me wrong, he is a very capable and independent person when it comes to most things. Most things except technology.
-I feel like he's good at so many things, like knitting, baking and differentiating between sny flower type but, he's not too well versed in the land of the internet.
-Obviously, he can use google, type an email and navigate Pinterest he definitely has a board called 'me' with just pictures of himself from matches.
-When the online school first started he got Tendou and you to help him set up a zoom account and show him the basic of telecommunicating platforms however he kind of trusted himself a little too much.
-The internet is a tricky thing and not every gets it as fast as others but come on man. I'd at least expect him to know what a breakout room was.
-The number of text messages poor Tendou received questioning him on things from-
'Y/n What is a classroom code?'
'How do you bookmark something on my toolbar'
'How do I know if my google forms quiz submitted?'
-Eventually, he got the hang of it and things became easier for both him and his best friend.
-At the end of the semester he kind of mastered google classroom.
-Need to know how many assignments you have due.
-He's got ya
-n e wayz
- he puts a lot of effort into everything he does. This is definitely no exception.
-Keeps up his grades and studies as much as he can so he can stay on top of things.
-let's admit it he isn't the smartest person but he sees results when he puts in the work
-This mofo doesn't give a fuck
-'What's the big deal. I can literally learn all of this by reading the text any time I want Y/n'
-'Yes you can but if you don't go to class and do the tests you'll fail, idiot.'
-He doesn't care and he probably never will
-Let's look at it is his view:
You have 2 options, the first promise some sort of relaxation and comfort while, the second, brings literally only exhaustion, pain and trauma.
Obviously, any same person would pick the easier option.
What might that be?
-School or sleep?
-His grades, failing
-His sleep schedule, disappointing.
but that's not the point.
-The point is- um. I ain't really know but wh-
-He sometimes tries
-Basically, he gets these random bursts of motivation during his nap breaks and gets shit done.
-Like to redecorate my room and make a monster wall at 4am kinda motivation.
-His teachers are genuinely concerned as to why he only really attends the first couple of classes in the morning. he falls asleep at 4pm and wakes up at 2 so-
-'Struggle' is an understatement for him when describing his experience with online school but, don't worry he'll be fine. maybe
-Daichi gives me very much.......millenial.
-Well he is a millennial(there's nothing wrong with me a millennial by the way)
-My point is his childhood was greatly influenced by social media and the internet until he was a bit older.
-Honestly, this is pretty biased and just my opinion.
-Learning how to manage each platform used in online school was the hardest thing for him to do.
-The number of accounts he had to make for this thing was questionable at least.
-Once he figured out how to navigate google classroom, Schoology and other platforms he quickly learns that he needs to figure out random websites that teachers used for different assignments.
-For example, in socials, he had to film and edit video on the sustainable development goals.
-Online school can be difficult for some and easier to manage for others but, it'll get better- eventually.
-This queen knows exactly what she's doing.
-I can't explain why but, I just know that she's handling this as if it's nothing.
Chaotic group projects in a breakout room?
-She's got in all under control. Getting people to co-operate and shit.
-Checklist with all of her assignments and tasks?
-I can't explain to you how much she completely dominates online school
-She's always on time and if she has to miss class for a day she'll try her best to let the teachers know beforehand.
-'Y/n can you send me Tanaka's email so I can send him his part of the assignment, please?
-'Oh yeah Kiyoko np.'
-A short while after online school started her, Yachi and you started a little study group after school.
-Well...........not really.....it was mostly her trying to tutor both of you on the topics that you guys didn't understand.
-She's great and everyone knows it.
-Her grades are really good and she puts a lot of effort into what she does.
-She's literally good at everything
-I love her<3
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Feeling lost in my life and battling my head constantly
This is my first post of this kind before, I've been reading through similar posts of this nature and have found a stronger and more positive outlook for myself based on said threads. I found some motivation to make a post myself for advice on the situation I find myself in. I'm at a point in my life where I feel that I have absolutely ruined myself as a person, I'm a 23 year old man from Australia, I recently and kicked a teenage fairly consistent marijuana addiction a couple months ago. I have issues with anxiety and depression and for a long time I thought this was helping it, but it just kept me in an isolated mindstate where everything and everyone I was around suffered because of it. the worst part is that I never envisioned myself to be this way as I had high expectations and accountability for myself to keep away from drugs and other silly decisions.
I was working full time for 6 years up until October last year where I resigned from job as I didn't feel like I deserved over other people from my workplace that I believed earned a chance more than I did. I managed to complete a Management diploma with my workplace and completed all my education (just). This alone and the other things I'm grateful for drives my self hate for not being able to move forward.
During my childhood I had confidence issues, I was fairly overweight and became a bit of an easy target for being picked on. I had a lot of opportunities to address that I guess for myself to try and get in shape, but had always struggled with being consistent. For years as a kid I was consistently staying up late, playing online games or watching YouTube videos on my phone until the early morning. This developed into a really bad cycle that I only tried to really take control of in the last year. When I was younger I kind of found this as an escape because I didn't have the courage to sort these issues out. I used to think that with the amount of time I spent on technology, and being nice to everyone I meet I would have found my place or career by now. It was easy to get lost in this environment and I feel like I've made myself into a pitiful excuse of a man now because of it..
I was really thankful for upbringing I was given, I lived close to my school, I am an only child so I barely ever went without, and to this day it sucks to say that I'm unemployed currently and my family and girlfriend of nearly 7 years are having to pick up for me during this rubbish period. I'm so thankful for the things that I do have, especially my girlfriend and parents, but I'm at the point where I don't know how much longer they can put up with my crap. People suffer so much harder and do it harder than myself but I can't find that extra strength that it feels like everyone else has to just pick up and sort it out.
I've been in and out of doctors, on different medications for anxiety and depression and ended up in a psych ward because I wanted to end it. I hate how selfish I know this is but for someone reason I keep continuing to fade into this deflated version of myself even further. I'm constantly fighting suicidal thoughts and self hate in my head, and have moments where I think I'm getting better and just slide down the hole again. My sleep schedule is horrendous, sometimes letting myself sleep well into the afternoon, and I'm extremely flat every day I wake up. I feel like I barely remember simple things and my long term memory feels patchy and I feel like I'm incapable to hold a job. I thought that by addressing my drug problem, trying to exercise more and being more positive would make a lot of my issues and mental better, but I'm constantly still failing.
I feel like I'm at the end point of finding means to resolve this and I constantly feel like I'm going to lose everyone I care about because of it. I have goals in my head for the future, and I want to feel as capable and composed as I used to, I've even tried to find work from home to get back into an income as I had a background with sales and so much experience with computers, but just haven't really found anything I'd be capable to do.
I guess I'm just looking for advice (soft or hard), motivation, similar experiences and stories from you all that might help me to get myself out of this hole I'm in. I can't escape my thoughts and depression 90% of the time, and I can't keep going on like this for the sake of the people I care about. I want to change and be a stronger version of myself so bad, but it feels like there's a higher power in my mental that wants me to fall over every day..
Thank you for taking the time to read, reply and consider my situation as there are so many more deserving people.
submitted by /u/Steezym8
from Continuously Improve Yourself! https://ift.tt/3nQ2hOT
I was so excited about the deadline to drop classes for this semester at my school being extended because there are two classes I dont think im going to be able to pass so I was just going to drop them and take them again over the summer but I looked at my schedule for the summer and im already two credit hours away from reaching the maximum amount of credit hours for the summer semester so my grand plan to fix everything has now come to a screeching halt and now I won't have earned enough credit hours for the year that I was supposed to and im so scared they're going to kick me out of the university and quite frankly im surprised I haven't been put on academic probation yet and im going to lose my scholarships and be riddled with student loans until im on my deathbed and I cant tell my mom (or dad) about any of this because just thinking about what she would do and say if I told her is enough to make me panic-attack-level anxious but really she's going to find out regardless and I dont know which is worse, me telling her right off the bat or her finding out on her own. im afraid to think about what would happen either way. This morning I had a complete meltdown and I swear ive never felt so hopeless about the entire trajectory of my life as I did then and it really does seem to be that there's no fixing this situation because I fucked it up right from the beginning and im never going to be able to escape any of this and it usually takes me until at least mid-evening before I start thinking about killing myself but this was like 10 o'clock in the morning and more than anything else I wanted to be dead because the only way I can think of fixing my life is to kill myself and it all sounds so fucking stupid that something as first world problem-y as me failing school (which doesn't fucking matter anyway in the grand scheme of things) would bring about an onslaught of suicidal ideation but it did and it makes me feel so selfish and awful. I remember in November last year I was so excited to leave the dorm and come home and have things to Do for once but now when I think about coming home for the summer all I feel is a nauseating level of anxiety and worry for whatevers going to happen to me . my relationship with my parents is barely hanging on by a thread that's been unraveling for so many years now and all I want is for them to be proud of me and tell me they're proud of me but I think its too late at this point and idk why I want their approval so badly when im scared to be around them more often than not but I dont think ill ever Not want their approval which is so pathetic but whatever. this one is completely unrelated but it was R’s birthday the other day and of course I texted her happy birthday and of course she didn't respond and honestly why should she when she probably doesn't want anything to do with me because lets face it we never really got any closure and she never texted me happy birthday when it was my birthday but I think about her more often than I should and honestly at this point I just miss being her friend and I do love her and I think I always will a little bit but its not In Love anymore and its sad to know she probably never gave me a second thought after graduation and we never saw each other again. good god today has been a fucking doozy
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Titles will be used without fail. The titles that are permitted are as followed; Sir, Master and with special permission, mid-scene, Daddy.
I expect my suite to be kept in immaculate order. Each submissive will be assigned different rooms
VIOLET COOPER: The Master bedroom, the master bathroom and kitchen.
FRANCO FOGARTY: The living room, guest bathroom and bedrooms, foyer and hallways.
After each cleaning task is completed, the submissive will kneel while I inspect their work and approve it.
I will select an outfit for myself the night prior to wearing it. It will be the responsibility of VIOLET COOPER to have it ironed and laid out on my dresser for me to adorn the following morning.
In addition, upon returning home from work or wherever else my schedule takes me, the submissive assigned to my clothing will undress me. My clothes should then be discarded into the hamper and taken care of before the night is over.
Both submissives will be provided with my meal-plan and will work together to ensure that each meal is prepared and ready at the time I need it.
Extracurricular activities outside of clubs and classes must be approved by me.
The submissives under my care are welcome to request scenes whenever they want, but I make no guarantees that I will award them when they do.
My building is equipped with a gym. Every evening at 5 PM I work-out there until 6:30. At that point in time, both submissives are to report to the gym and wait for me outside the locker room. At that point, I will need to tended to by way of a massage, or anything else I deem necessary.
In light of recent events and behaviors I have observed, VIOLET COOPER will be sleeping in the master bedroom with me and FRANCO FOGARTY will sleep in the guest bedroom.
Submissive are only allowed to come with permission.
If anything is unclear, each submissive should feel free to ask for clarity and I will do my best to provide it.
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I’ve been meaning to write this post for a week or so and I’ve just been busy but the really funny kicker is that this morning, I missed the 6:00 AM flight that I so confidently scheduled and when my friend asked me last night if leaving that apartment at 5:15 would be early enough, I assured her it was plenty of time. Real clownery.
So now that I have three extra hours of free time…let’s talk about core strength. I am learning that there are ways to fall and fail gracefully, that you can’t avoid either, but the stronger your center, the better shot you have at a soft landing.
I am finding that if I can hold my center against the current, if I can be my own authentic self and hold the line against the urge to mince my words and mitigate my presence in the world, if I can resist the urge to people-please and manage emotions in a room, if I can let myself try and fail with grace and humility, resting in the knowledge that I already have all that I need, then I can love others more fully, lean into new experiences with confidence, and reschedule a flight with a smile and a joke.
If I could meet the me that drove into Richmond in 2018, I’d grab her shoulders and tell her not to settle on people who don’t love her back because she’s afraid there’s no one else out there, I’d tell her there are plenty of people eager to love all of her. I’d beg her to lift her chin and meet the world with braver eyes, I’d ask her to trust that the ground can take the weight of her steps, and I’d give her a really, really big hug.
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earned it 
Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.
cw. domestic abuse, car accident, slight angst, sexism, suggestive scenes, unedited and my naoya simping is obvious with this one,
notes. TEAM NAOYA LET’S GOOOO *sighs* finally got this out from my drafts. anyways, here’s an earned it update while i recover from migraines because my schedule was so hectic last week and i’m so tired, might be sleeping a lot these days hence the hiatus :( also ik i keep saying this but future chapters will finally be more...UH SPICY AND MORE DRAMATIC, I guess? this is mostly an angst fic btw so please don’t expect too much fluff of heartwarming romance. there WILL be romance,,,it just takes some time hehe, anways ENJOY...or not :)
Women were weak. Trained to be voiceless, compliant, and unable to fight – Naoya found them weak.
His own mother was the perfect epitome of that. For years, he’d watched her leave his father’s room with dried tears, wiping them away with the back of her sleeves. When she saw a little Naoya standing at the edge of the hallway, she’d immediately usher him back to his room, her tears replaced with a smile so convincing Naoya wouldn’t have believed she’d been crying if he hadn’t seen it for himself.
Naoya wasn’t stupid. How could he be when day and night, he’s surrounded by tutors, expected to take over his clan and lead them all to a brighter future?
How could he be stupid when he can’t sleep at night, for the screams and cries of his mother, the sound of palm hitting cheek resonating just from the other room, accompanied with the insults directed her way by his own father?
How could he be so stupid when he looked up to his mother – who he believed was the only source of light in the rather desolate walls of their manor – only to see that her beauty faded with each passing day, the brightness of her eyes now filled agony, with pain, with fear? She no longer smiled; not even for him. She no longer came around his room to read him bedtime stories no matter how much Naoya pleaded because he’d gotten tired of reciting scriptures and poetry. She no longer kissed him on the forehead as a morning greeting, opting to stay in the sidelines with her head bowed, acting as if she was a servant and not his mother.
Naoya wasn’t stupid. As the future leader of the Zen’in Clan, it was his duty to hear and see everything, to be wary of everyone around him and to observe. He knew his father abused her. He knew his father hated her, looked down on her, stepped on her at each moment he could. And as if that wasn’t enough, Naoya found out they weren’t married in the first place.
She had been nothing but a mere concubine whose role was to birth an heir. Now that Naoya had come to life, her purpose to live ceased to exist. And people who had no role in the Zen’in estate had no reason to stay any further.
“Mother,” Naoya cried out, tugging at his mother’s sleeve. “Mother, please don’t go, don’t leave me!”
She was crying again; he wished she’d stop doing that, that she’d stop being so weak. He wanted his mother to be strong and fight back, but she’s not even attempting to wipe her tears away this time, displaying her vulnerability and meek self to him. Had his father been there, she’d be scolded again, claiming that Naoya shouldn’t be exposed to behaviors of surrender and weakness.
His mother cupped his face, trying her best to keep the younger version of himself from dangling onto her robes; the expensive, silk material the last evidence she’d ever been a part of them.
“Naoya, baby, it’s okay. You need to grow up strong and be the clan leader, okay?”
“But why do you have to leave? Why do you never fight back?”
“I’m sorry, dear...” was all she said, finally kissing him on the forehead like she’d failed to do so for the past months. Somehow, it didn’t make him feel any better. Instead, Naoya’s cries grows louder with each minute, loud enough that he caught the attention of his manservants who paled at the Young Master’s wails that was sure to displease his father locked inside his study. His mother sent a glance their way that expressed messages he couldn’t yet understand due to his innocence. Strong arms wrapped around his smaller frame until they dragged Naoya away from his mother, the sight of a luggage behind her turning him weak in the knees.
“Remember, Mother always loves you.”
“No!” he fought against their hold. His servants did all they could to not harm the Young Master’s skin, but Naoya was too strong, too desperate that they were unable to hold him back.
Naoya kept running and running, uncaring of the fact his loose robes hindered him from going at full speed. He didn’t stop, even as his servants had trailed after him, desperate pleas for the Young Master to come back falling into deaf ears. His mother had arrived on a nearby bus from the open roads that led outside the Zen’in Estate’s outer gates, her hand frozen on the doors with her head slightly tilted to the side.
That slight moment of hesitance – to look behind or leave everything behind – was what made Naoya stop in his tracks. He breathed hard, sweaty palms on his knees as he silently prayed to the divine beings to bring his mother back, for her to look at him one last time.
But she didn’t.
And Naoya was frozen in his tracks, everything colliding into one crash and burn that he failed to make sense of everything. He stood there and watched his mother hop into the bus, her decision to leave him behind final and irrevocable. What had rung louder then? The way his heart shattered into pieces, or the loud honking of an incoming car that not even his skilled team of guards could protect him from?
Naoya figured it must’ve been the muffled cries of his mother behind the windows that rung the loudest even if he hadn’t heard it.
Until now, he carried the mark his mother left behind; a gnarly scar running inches from his kneecaps that throbs until now. It reminds him every day what could happen to someone once they’re weak, once they’re vulnerable, the horrifying consequence of not being strong enough to face in this world like a huge slap in his face. In a way, he felt grateful for the scar; at least it was proof he’d done his best to run after his mother, and this injury just taught him it was best to face things head on instead of running away.
This scar would always tell him that running away was never the option, and that was why Naoya felt so strong, so disappointed when he met you. Naoya saw much potential in you – the wrath firing in your eyes and the will to fight back is what pulled him in on the first place – and yet you were already trembling on the ground, your sweat dripping on the floor.
“Stand up!” he demanded, tapping his cane on the ground as he wobbled to his feet. “Do you really think being weak will make you survive in this world?”
“You’re not trying hard enough,” he spat out, matching the intensity of your glare. Had you been any lesser of a woman, a servant, he’d have your eyes gouged out. But to him, you were a vessel of hope, an embodiment of strength he could help you hone that he let you off. Still, he felt extremely let down that he expected so much from you, and you’ve been pathetic so far.
Naoya shook his head as he left. “You’re going to die the moment you step out of here. And to think I actually had high hopes for you. As expected, you women are weak and pathetic. Each one of you is useless.”
He didn’t get very far when his injury throbbed again. Naoya fell to his knees and immediately bit down on his lip to conceal his groans, but it was too late. You’ve rushed to him in an instant, already pulling his slacks upwards to get a good look at his knee. Worry is painted all over your features still drenched in sweat and exhaustion, and he pried your hand away, a frown deep on his lips.
“Get away from me. I don’t need a woman’s help.”
“You’re so uptight, you know that?” you rebutted with a roll of your eyes. Naoya watched as you skipped to the nearest medical kit he always kept in his training grounds (which he rarely used) and popping out painkillers to hand to him. “Just shut up and let me take care of you. Unlike you, I don’t walk around calling people weak, and you having this injury never made you weak in my eyes, but you’re not impotent either,” scoffing at him, you pushed the bottle of water to a very annoyed looking Naoya. “At least let me take care of you every once in a while.”
His whole life, Naoya knew nothing but the familiar bitter cold. Being served tea, scaring his servants with his mere presence, the toxic view that everyone was below them drilled into his own head – that had been his life, and his feelings about it were neither hot nor cold.
To him, it was just the way he’s supposed to be.
But the warmth of your hands, the tenderness of your touch to his scars not because you found him weak but rather you cared for him…it tugged at his heartstrings. That had been at least five years ago and Naoya still remembered that moment very clearly.
He couldn’t understand whether he hated his inability to run away or not, because to be around you confused him to no end. One moment, he saw you as nothing but his one way ticket to fortune, but when he was alone with you, he was beginning to see you more as a woman rather than a pawn to his game. Soon, you became more than that, and nothing had terrified him even more that he let someone in his heart just like that.
Did he love you? No, most definitely not. A man like him didn’t know how to love. But with you – every time he saw you – Naoya is confident to admit that he could somehow understand what love meant.
It had been a hellish trip – one he’d never admit it out loud that he wished to never go on again. He was just happy to be home before he laughed, because home? He’d never thought he’d ever say that, yet there he was, beaming at the sight of you pushing your weight off the limousine.
You looked as stunning as usual, running up to him even with your heels before wrapping your arms around his neck. Usually, Naoya didn’t like public displays of affection since it could greatly deter his reputation, but everyone knew both of you weren’t each other’s weaknesses that he didn’t care whether his people could see their leader grinning as his wife welcomed with a kiss. Naoya balanced himself on his cane to encircle a hand to your waist, pulling you closer and burying his face in your hair.
“I missed you,” you mumbled with your head buried in his shoulder.
Naoya’s smile wasn’t any less affectionate. “I missed you more.” And he did – a whole lot. Even as you both made it inside the limousine, the tablet passed to him per the usual to update him on what happened on the few days of his absence, Naoya couldn’t keep his hands to himself. His cane balanced between his knee and the door, while his free hand intertwined with yours, mindlessly caressing the matching rings that symbolized more trust than love.
“How did it go?” he brought your knuckles up to his lips and kissed it, his attention still focused on today’s stock market. “Did you convince him to lend us the lab?”
“Yes, my love, everything is under control. I told you I had it.”
“Cunning little minx,” he smirked at the confidence and triumph dripping from your voice. Naoya shut his tablet off with a click, hauling you until you were resting on his lap. Giggles erupted beautifully from your lips as you pressed your forehead to his, both your smiles equally mischievous. “Did you sleep with him?”
“No. Satoru is still hopelessly in love with me, so it didn’t really take much to push him to the edge with a few tears and white lies,” you smiled at him, soon dropping from your face when Naoya’s eyes darkened with an unreadable – no, unfamiliar hint of worry behind them. “Naoya,” you caressed his leg, “I don’t care about him anymore, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I just want to survive and put everything behind,” you cupped his face and forced him to look you in the eye, making sure he heard every bit of sincerity in your voice. “You know I love you, right? I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth. Him coming back doesn’t change a thing.”
“I know that,” he said, although deep down, in the dark recesses of his heart, something agonizing stirred within.
You were a smart woman – too intelligent that he may have feared you had he been any lesser – who could easily read through him, but Naoya wanted to be a step ahead of you that he caught your lips to stop you from seeking beneath his soul already. He knew that if you looked a little too close, you’d see everything, and that would be the last thing he wanted.
Snaking his tongue past your lips, he greedily swallowed your moans. Naoya’s touch was possessive as he gripped your thigh, seconds away from ripping off the material of your dress. He only stopped once he saw his driver pale in awkwardness, and he chuckled to himself, squeezing your hips to stop you from grinding on his thigh.
“You’re always so good for me,” he praised, “I might just reward you once we get home.”
Home. Prior to meeting you, home had been nothing but a word in his extensive vocabulary. Home had been nothing but something that carried a meaning but no significance in his living, but now that he’d met you, home felt familiar. Home smelled like rose-scented shampoos, it resonated of bubbly laughter and curious hands finding its way to its belt. Home…you’d just given him something to lose.
As per the plan, you managed to sneak past Satoru’s defenses. Naoya had once said that your secret weapon was not your tempting nature as a woman, but rather your intelligence that sometimes put his to shame. He’d shamelessly announced his plan to use you again with the goal of taking matters into your own hands, looping Satoru into the picture until you have him wrapped around your finger again.
It turned out to be easier than expected. Truthfully, you wanted to refuse. It wasn’t because you were worried you’d beat yourself in your own game and fall for Satoru again, but because it felt so uncomfortable to hold him like that, to kiss him like that.
Each second you spent with him just served as a painful reminder of how he’d mindlessly pushed you to the side from a failed plan of ‘protecting’ you.
However, you couldn’t complain nor deny Naoya’s wishes. He wanted to use your abilities to the fullest of its extent and bring out your potential. Besides, you trusted him wholeheartedly that you’d never question his motives, even if it included seducing Satoru with crocodile tears and a faux broken heart to get him to bend and move at your will. After all, your will was also Naoya’s, and that was what made the both of you so dangerous together.
Standing here now in Satoru’s laboraty, sending him phoney desperate glances as you clutched your husband’s hand, the game had just begun.
He was giving you both a tour of what you could use from his laboratory, and Naoya had kept silent the whole time. The whole drug manufacturing was more your expertise than his. He simply observed everything with watchful eyes, his gaze darting between Satoru’s longing ones and yours. It was a play pretend of push and pull, everyone in the room except for Satoru unaware that soon, you’d bare your fangs to rip his neck apart, and then you’d stand aside and let Naoya finish the business.
You would’ve laughed had Naoya not tightened his grip on your hand. Both you and Satoru paused as Naoya desperately shushed you up, his eyes wide and floating from one corner to another.
Suddenly, a loud explosion came out of nowhere. The blast crushed half of the building to bare rubble and concrete and you saw nothing but black, inhaled so much smoke that your lungs quivered. The ringing in your ears didn’t stop as you wobbled to unsteady legs, waving the smoke away and coughing whatever filled your system. Satoru was right beside you, his long limbs quicker than yours before he hauled you up, checking to see if you had injuries but you were too scared, too desolate to care for his worry.
For your husband laid under a pile of rubble, an arm and his head the only parts of his body saved from the explosion.
“Naoya!” You screamed and pushed Gojo away, taking your heels off before darting straight to where he was. Jumping from broken debris to one another, your feet scraped and burned with each contact, the ringing in your ears growing louder along with the pounding of your heartbeat.
“Naoya, baby, no!” you tried to pick up the heavy slab of concrete that had crushed his body, tears blurring your vision until Naoya’s blond hair swiveled with his dark clothes. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t you fucking dare-”
“Gojo,” he choked out blood. You fell to your knees as you cupped his face and grasped his hand all the while, your entire body shaking. His name kept falling from your lips as you asked him to stand up but he pushed your hand away, not sparing you another glance as he glared at the shock still man behind you. “Take her someplace far – somewhere he won’t find the both of you. It’s T-Toji.”
“No, Naoya, please! I’m not leaving without you!” It was too late. Satoru had easily carried you and threw you over his shoulder, running away from the scene because that was what he was best at. You pounded at his back as the smoke enlarged and covered the entirety of the building that had fizzled with chemicals inside, your husband starting to disappear from view. “Satoru, let me go! We can’t just leave him there!”
“Listen to your husband! He knows what he’s doing!”
As the smoke cleared for a split second, your world stilled. Naoya’s face was smothered with dirt and stains, pain evident on his twisted features, and yet – he was smiling. “Go,” he mouthed, hands outstretched far enough for your matching rings to glint under the sparkling lights. “Live.”
You slumped into Satoru’s arms. It was too late.
You couldn’t comprehend the events that happened afterwards. Satoru had pushed you inside his car before taking off to who knows where. All you knew was that you’d left your husband behind, and you stared emptily at the streets that flashed by, unable to feel or understand anything. It wasn’t until Satoru dragged you out by the wrist and a plane whirring before you snapped you back to life, your feet turning heavy as you plant yourself on the ground.
Satoru looked back at you.
“I’m not going anywhere,” you shook your head, “I’m not leaving him behind, Satoru, he’s all I have. I need to save him – even if it means I die.”
“You’re not going to die,” he starts off slowly. Satoru moves to place his hands down on your shoulders as if to brace you, even going as far as to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, but you couldn’t really listen, not when the plane hummed to life and remnants of the explosion still clung to your skin.
“Listen, Naoya is a smart man, okay? You know that yourself. He’ll survive, you just need to trust that he’ll make it. Now we have to go before Toji catches up to us and we end up all dying here!” he shook you back to life when your sobs overpowered his speech that fell on deaf ears, and you cried harder, much less like a little girl who quivered in his arms. Satoru sighed, perhaps just as broken from seeing you this way. “He told you to live. Naoya isn’t asking you to die for him, he’s asking you to live and if you don’t get on the plane, we can’t fulfill his wish,” he convinced, but you only bit your lip, still looking back at the car. You could steal it – one punch to his nose and you could easily get away, get back to Naoya, until he said, “You love him right? So respect his wishes.”
You love him. You love Naoya. He would’ve wanted me to live. He asked me to live.
That was the only consolation you could give yourself as you allowed Satoru to take you inside. His right hand man, Geto or something, quietly closed the cabin doors behind you. He was making sure his boss was situated, who in turn was fretting over you. All it took was one last warning glare sent Satoru’s way before he backed off, raising his hands in surrender and falling back to his seat.
Sooner than you’d like, the plane had took off, leaving your heart right behind with each passing second. The higher you flew up in the air, the number you became.
“Where are we going?”
“I have a base in Italy. We should be safe there for a while. Gather resources, plan our next move, contact friends...we’ll be fine,” Satoru pinched the bridge of his nose. It was hard to believe things would be fine when he too seemed restless; whatever happened between him and Toji must’ve really left a scar; not that you cared. You huffed away from Satoru and stared outside the windows instead, your heart dropping the farther Japan was becoming. “Hey. You should get some rest. You’ve had a long day.”
“Whatever,” you snapped at him. You couldn’t stand his voice, not even if he’s saved you.
The only thing that mattered now was living up to Naoya’s wish, and as much as you hated it, Satoru was right. You had to hope he would survive.
The chances of him making it out were low, but knowing Naoya, low chances weren’t zero. As long as he had a little bit of something, he would keep pushing. You just had to place your trust in him.
Kissing your dusty ring, you wiped away your tears one last time, eyes shut tight as you chanted over and over, live, live, live for me! Live! Naoya couldn’t give up that easily. You both had a long way to go, still so many places to travel, thousand more enemies to conquer and defeat. He promised you the fun was just beginning and that you’d get your revenge soon, and Naoya never broke his promises. So you had to trust, had no other choice but to believe that soon he’d be right beside you. He may not be able to completely walk anymore, though none of that mattered. You just wanted to be with him again.
You didn’t realize you’d fallen asleep until Satoru’s hushed whispers woke you up. Sitting up straight, you saw him scowling to whoever he’s talking to on the phone. He looked grim, long, slender fingers caressing his forehead as he sighed. Whatever he heard, it couldn’t have been good, and curiosity got the best of you before you could help it.
“What is it?” Satoru stilled at the sound of your voice, having not expected you to be awake. He refused to meet your eyes as he shut his phone. It angered you further and you stalked his way, slapping a palm down the table before him. “I said, what is it?”
“It’s Naoya...” he said through clenched teeth, still refusing to look you in the eye. “He didn’t make it.”
notes. team naoya...let’s go...cry 😭 when I said I would write more gojo x reader scenes and that they’re still the pairing, I meant it, I just had to take a dark route anyways DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND WHY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO UPDATE THIS, I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS TO NAOYA BAE 😭 but on the bright side, italy arc is gonna be SHEESH
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aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh i have a job interview at 8am tomorrow morning for the lower-stress job i've been trying to switch to since January
i need a good night's sleep but i'm freaking out
it's not even usual interview stress. i interview well (knock wood -- i've only had one interview in my life that *didn't* result in a job offer), and the interviewer is a lovely man who used to be one of my supervisors, so -- not to jinx anything, but i would have to actively work to fuck this up. but i have such a history of sabotaging myself. what if i do that again?
i'm so close. supposing i should get hired, i would be in my current department for one more month while they get our logins and everything set up, and then i would have ten weeks of paid training, after which i would be able to make a maximum $350/month bonus in addition to my $14.75 an hour paycheck. if everything went well, i'd be under way less stress than i am now at work, and i'd be bringing home over $2000 a month. which seems about like winning the lottery, compared to where i'm at right now.
and like, my bonus would be very difficult for customers to fuck up for me. there is (1) be working when scheduled (2) read out certain things the computer tells me to tell people (3) persuade 9% of eligible callers to accept a transfer to sales for a quote on particular types of insurance they don't have yet. as long as i go to work, i honestly don't see how i could fail to bonus, unless the 9% is a lot harder to hit than it sounds. *knock wood*
like. dude. i'd be hypothetically able to bring home about $500-$600 a month over expenses. that's car payment money. (well, unless my current car explodes irreparably, that's "put in savings until i can buy a car cash on the barrelhead" money, because my credit is crap from all the collectionses. point is, car! with a trunk lid! and working windows! and maybe even non-smoking! the nicotine grease film on the inside of the windshield is really obnoxious in rainy weather, lemme tell you internets)
it is an onsite job instead of work at home, which is gonna mean wearing clothes and commuting and the eternal struggle to find healthy packable lunches, but i live five minutes from the call center, and the amount of space my workstation takes up in my 400 sq.ft. apartment is... non-negligible. be nice to have that back.
anyways i should bed. wish me luck?
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My birthday was pretty damn AWESOME! The only successful zoom video chat was the one I scheduled for 5pm. The one in the morning failed because two of my friends couldn’t make it. (One had online school)
The gifts I got? My god! It was like Christmas! I’m like “Whoa, I’m getting spoiled!”
Now without further ado, here are my gifts (some were purchased by my dad I found out when I scanned my phone to the QR code to leave a thank you note) And I miscounted. Tumblr will only let me upload 10. Here’s five I’ll show you here and seven in another post.