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phantaloon-books · 3 years

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I was rereading the iconic reunion at baltimore and this came to me and I can't not write it (even though I have a half finished chapter waiting to be written for a fic for a whole different fandom but who cares right)

in which neil regrets realizes that the feds were on to something when they talked about witness protection program. brace yourselves, it's angst time bby. please bear with me, I don't write stuff like this, content and format wise.

so everyone knows what goes down in baltimore. everyone knows that famous college exy striker for the foxes neil josten has been the son of the butcher of baltimore all along, and that smth happened after he was kidnapped and tortured that resulted in the butcher and some associates to be killed. everyone knows that neil walked out alive, injured but alive. so when a few weeks, months later, associates of the butcher start getting raided and taken in custody, everyone knows exactly who opened his little mouth and revealed everything he knows (bc there's literally no one else who could know this stuff and would be willing to share with the fucking feds, no one has a death wish)

It's a slow process. It starts with the feeling of not being safe, which is ridiculous, because he hasn't been quite as safe as he is right now, with the foxes, his family, and most importantly with Andrew. They're on summer break, technically speaking, even if they're at campus for practice because they gotta train the new foxes. They're barely doing anything than hanging out together and training, but still Neil can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, that someone is watching him, but he doesn't say anything, because it doesn't make sense, he's just being paranoid, there's no need to panic.

Neil can swear he's being watched. He feels the dread whenever he's out of the dorm, when he's out running, when they go out to eat something, when they go to the mall, on their way to practice, at Eden's. But when he looks around there's no one looking, it's been weeks and nothing has happened, he hasn't seen anyone.

Neil can tell Andrew is growing suspicious of the way he checks out a place, the way his eyes trace every corner, every exit, because he's starting to fall back in old habits, and he knows Andrew hates it. But Andrew doesn't ask, he knows that Neil will speak when he feels ready, so he lets it go, even if he can't quite let got of the worry clawing at his heart.

But everything keeps going normally, things are fine, everything is fine fine fine. Neil doesn't talk about it, but it's fine really. Until it's not fine at all, but it's also too late to talk now because his head is fuzzy and throbbing, and he feels like he might throw up and he feels pain even if he's not sure where the pain is coming from. But he can't do anything now, he can't tell Andrew how he's been feeling dread for weeks, because a man whose name he doesn't even know but whose face is awfully familiar is standing right in front of him where he lies on the floor, and the situation is also awfully familiar.

Stop being a martyr. Oh Andrew would kill him. If Neil gets out of this alive, Andrew will kill him, because he left again. He didn't want to, he really didn't. He was out on a run while Andrew was in therapy with Bee and Aaron, a couple miles away from fox tower, when a car pulled up right in front of him, two men wearing hoods and sunglasses stepping out and standing in front of him. He came to a halt, trying his best to keep calm because who the hell were these men and what did they want and for fucks sake can this just stop? It would have been smart to turn around and try to get back to the tower but he can't ever keep his mouth shut can he?

"Look I don't know who you are, I don't care what you want, but you're in my way, so move away if you know what's best." He intended to go for more sarcastic, but he was doing his best not to panic, so that had to do.

"You're coming with us, get in the car, or we'll do this the hard way." Their voices said they wouldn't hesitate, but Neil laughed anyway, that smile he knew was the Butcher's resting on his lips. Anything to make the men leave. He opened his mouth and then- "The Minyard twins are at Dr. Dobson's office. Reynolds, Walker, and Wilds are at the mall. Hemmick, Boyd and Day are in the dorms. The newbies are at the dorms as well. Come with us the easy way and we'll let them walk out of their respective places alive, Nathaniel."

And he was fucked. Of course he hadn't been safe, he would never be safe. In fact no one he cared about would ever be safe. He should have known better. But he wasn't going to let the foxes be harmed.

"How do I know you won't kill them anyway?" The snark was gone, the smile vanished. His face was blank and dangerous, because he'd done this before. "I don't even know who you are, you're obviously not the big guys, and I don't remember seeing your faces."

"We don't want to attract unnecessary attention. All we care about is you. If you come, you spare us all the trouble. As for who we are, let's just say someone is pissed at the piece of shit that ruined everything."

"The Butcher's friends then. I can't argue with that, it's a habit of mine to fuck up. Ichirou won't be too happy if something happened." He played his strongest card but fuck it. The Moriyamas owed him protection, Ichirou himself had made a deal with him.

"The moment they turned their backs to the Wesninski and made a deal with Hatford, those Japanese shits mean nothing to us." These were desperate men apparently. If the Moriyamas were nothing, the FBI was even less. "Time is running Nathaniel, decide. You or them?"

Andrew would kill him, but they'd talked about it before. Neil had told Andrew. If it means losing you, then no. He would not put himself first. Hell, he'd told the others before, the Foxes were all he had, he wasn't going to risk them for himself, not for anything. He needed to keep them safe.

So now he's lying on the cold wooden floor of some house or shed or whatever, drowsy from whatever they drugged him with once he got in the car, and in pain after being beaten for the last hour or so. He didn't bother asking the man (who is obviously in charge and sent the two men) for a name, and honestly he still doesn't plan to. What was the point of that anyway? He just looks up at the cold brown eyes of the man standing over him, Neil's face as neutral as he could keep it despite the fear of not making it out alive threatening to pull him under. The man just stares at him, calculative eyes and cruel smile, and Neil can't take it.

"What, so you're just gonna stand there? I have better shit to do." He hears the slur in his voice, wonders if it's just the drugs or something else. A concussion is likely. He's met with silence, so he closes his eyes and lays his head down. Fuck he's tired of these situations. He truly will never be safe, no one will-

"You know, I was expecting so much more from you Nathaniel," the man says with a laugh, "I was told that you'd put up a fight, I thought this would be fun. They said you'd beg for your precious life, but you haven't even made an effort."

Whoever his source was, they definitely do not know Neil, or Nathaniel for that matter. Not only is he not going to risk the men hurting the others, but he isn't going to fight, not against so many of them, not when running would be more likely to get him out alive. He isn't going to let them know that. "First go fuck yourself, and second, this isn't remotely close to entertaining to what I've been through, maybe if it was more interesting."

What does Andrew say? Regret is worthless? It seems right, because he can't find regret in what he said, even if his face is a bloody mess (what's new?) and his body shakes with shivers, after his head is held underwater so many times. No, he doesn't regret it. Instead he finds himself laughing a hollow thing.

"Y'know at least others have had a point, this time it's just for the fun of it, and it's not being much fun." His voice cracks a couple times, hoarse from coughing up water.

"You're right though, it is for fun. You cost me absolutely everything Nathaniel. Did you know the feds and the Moriyamas have been after us for months? Hunting us like we're rabbits, all because you decided to be a dipshit and open your mouth. You should be dead. You should have died ten years ago, back in March, anytime. All your existence caused us is trouble. And ratting us to the feds wasn't enough was it? No you told Ichirou all of the Butcher's men were loose ends, too." The man took a deep breath, composing himself. "So yes Nathaniel, this is for fun. This is payback, you've cost many lives, this is retribution for speaking, and I'm gonna enjoy seeing you have fun for as long as I can."

At some point, after hours, he's left alone in the dark, in the cold. He knows he’s in pain. He’s pretty sure his arm is broken, and so are several ribs. He knows he should be in a lot of pain, but he's just numb. Regret is worthless. Because even if he feels even worse than how he felt last winter at Evermore, he doesn’t regret it. He can’t be sure the guy’s men were truly going to kill the Foxes, but he doesn’t regret coming here to make sure the others don’t suffer more than they already have because of him. He wonders if Andrew will forgive him. He didn’t leave proof that he didn’t want to leave this time. Would Andrew think he left them - him? God, he hopes not. Would Andrew look for Neil or leave it thinking that Neil wanted to leave?

It doesn’t really matter, though. Neil is so tired. This time isn’t like when he was on the run or when he went to Evermore or when Lola took him. While with the Ravens, Kevin knew he was there at least, if anything were to happen, a person would know where to look somehow. At Baltimore, several people knew the most likely place to find him; Uncle Stewart, the Hatfords, Kevin again. He has no idea of where he is, or who took him, and no one knows he’s been taken in the first place. No one will ever find him.

Maybe it’s better that way, he thinks. No one will have to deal with the burden of him or his disappearance or his death, because no one will know. The simple thing would be to assume he ran. He hopes they assume he ran. Maybe they’ll be hurt, but haven’t they been expecting him to run? They won’t make it to championships without him considering Jack is an awful striker, but Kevin will manage. Andrew - Andrew is the one who expects him to run the most, maybe he’ll take it nicely. Neil hopes he takes it nicely. Guilt blossoms among the nothingness in his chest, but he can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to. It’s better this way. No one will find him, but that’s fine. He wonders what the Moriyamas will do. He doesn’t want to think about that. He thinks of Andrew, the kisses, the care, the love, the nights spent together. Thank you, you were amazing. He wishes he could tell him how much he cares one last time. He feels something wet slip down his face. He can’t tell if it’s water, blood or tears. He sighs. He thinks of Andrew, and his eyes slip close.

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joannawoo · 5 years

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What is HR really?

Industry 4.0, Business 4.0, whatever you want to call it. That's the new buzzword popping up everywhere. If business is changing so much, why isn't HR keeping up? At most, we're maybe at HR 2.5. HR 1.0 was when policies and procedures were brought in along with unions to make sure we didn't put our employees in danger and paid them just enough so they wouldn't want to burn the business down. HR 2.0 was maybe when we actually started to care about people a little bit more. The 2.5 part is now adding in diversity and minimal analytics. When are we going to get to HR 4.0?

People always think that HR is there to protect the company, not the people. I don't see why HR can't do both. Protecting the company IS protecting the people. Fundamentally at my core, I care about people. Because I care, I will do whatever I can to ensure that the business has sustainable growth year over year. This is important because a healthy business means that more jobs get created with minimal layoffs. Several companies in the region have gone through layoffs recently and hundreds of lives have now been impacted.

So what does HR 4.0 look like? Actually, let's start with HR 3.0 because a lot of businesses aren't even there yet. HR 3.0 is where you care deeply about people and help them grow. Enable them to exceed your expectations. Apply tech design and development practices into HR. Run HR as a business. With HR 4.0, it's mostly figuring out how to balance between technology and human, and running HR as a profitable business. So what does all of this look like in practice?

I wrote an article years ago about applying software design and development principles to HR. This was back in 2015 and sadly the site that hosted the article is no longer around so I can't pull it up but the piece to take away is that when faced with an HR problem, tackle it like a product problem. Analyze the situation, gather information and do research, brainstorm solutions, build the solution, gather feedback and validate that it solves the problem, and iterate. If your recruitment process isn't getting the results you want, run a retro to figure out what you're doing wrong. Too much on your plate? Do some backlog grooming, figure out what will deliver most value with least amount of effort, do some sprint planning. Start talking to your employees and figure out what they want to do in life. When that opportunity comes up, reach out to them. Stop misusing data. Applicant tracking systems love to track "source of hire". You see that 50% of your employees are from Source X, and only 1% of employees from Source Y, so naturally people come to the conclusion that they need to talk to more Source X people. THAT'S WRONG. Plot your source of hire data against employee performance. Don't just settle for where all your employees come from, figure out where your top performers come from. If all your top performers are from Source Y, then your job is to figure out how to increase that 1%. And if you think "top performer" is only defined by one thing, that's wrong too. It's a combination of productivity, impact to company culture, impact on coworker productivity, potential for growth...the list goes on. Stop being so one dimensional. This is all still HR 3.0.

I don't think too many companies are doing HR 4.0. I know I'm not there yet because I don't have the expertise or capacity to run analytics on certain things. Google's probably the opposite where they've got the analytics and tech piece, but don't have the human side. Let's talk about the easy part first which would be the analytics. We need to start doing more industrial/organizational psychology research to study employees in the workplace. We also need to hire more data scientists into HR to help analyze this data. Humans are so complex. Issues are so divisive nowadays and as a society, more and more people are suffering from mental health issues. Most of the research done was from decades ago. Have we really studied workers in today's world? We've evolved, yet our research has not. I'll use job postings as an example of all the analytics that could be done on an important, but very small piece of HR in the grand scheme. We should be doing tests on what information to include (or not) in job postings, how it affects application rates and quality of candidates, what the length of the job posting should be, different methods of application and what barriers are being created, when to post the job posting, where to post it, do you change the format and content based on where it's posted...that's just the tip of the iceberg. When it comes to sourcing, testing out different reach out messages, how/when to contact a candidate, etc. If it's a junior candidate, how long after they start a new job do you wait before you poach? What if they're an intermediate/senior candidate? Have you studied turnover rates and timing of turnover for certain companies? Then you have the rest of recruitment which is actually so much important than the 2 I just mentioned. And "recruitment" is just 1 of 9 of the mandatory HR courses to take. So think about how much there actually is to know and analyze when it comes to HR. Let that sink in.

Now let's talk about the hard part. How do we balance all the analytics with the human-ness of HR? What is actually the human side of HR and what does it look like? I share so many ideas of how to balance between business and people. Let's start by picking on unlimited vacation. Companies sometimes use this as a tactic to get their employees to take less vacation. That's what the analytics show. It's great for PR, people take less vacation, for a company that wants to take advantage of employees, it's a no brainer to implement this (at an org that has employees that already care about the company). So then if you knew that's what the analytics said and you truly believe the other studies that show employees perform better when they're well rested and feel taken care of, along with the studies that show that underrepresented groups usually take less vacation than their peers because they feel the need to "prove themselves" and to appear hardworking...then maybe HR would change those policies. There are definitely ways to make unlimited vacation less intimidating, usually by implementing a minimum vacation policy and letting people know that on average, people take x number of weeks of vacation, but we've also seen as high as y weeks and that's absolutely fine too, can't even remember who the employee was. Could also monitor vacation time to make sure that there aren't certain groups who tend to take less vacation than everyone else. But really...the better solution is just to get rid of unlimited vacation and give everyone 6 weeks. Typically, people don't take 6 weeks. It's seen as over and above "unlimited". To balance the business though and to ensure that you don't get stuck with millions of dollars of vacation liability, have it only accrue up to 3 weeks and it stops accruing until you actually use up certain days. This way, payout is never more than 3 weeks and employees will be using up vacation throughout the year and getting some breaks in instead of waiting until the end of the year or worse, when they burn out. Next, let's talk about catered meals. Companies sometimes implement it because they think that way it'll save time for employees and they can then spend that time working instead and it's a cost savings overall for the company. The pitch is that we cater lunches though which is a draw for people...FREE LUNCH! (There is no free lunch in life as my dad always says.) It's a taxable benefit, it's usually not the healthiest meal, there are food allergies or preferences not considered, employees complain about the food options, etc. For any company who truly believes that they want to improve lives of employees and offer them a good healthy meal at work, why not bring in fresh groceries and have a meal prep station at work? It doesn't need to be a full kitchen (but that'd be super nice!), but have some way of cooking meals at work. This way, employees choose what food they want to eat and you're helping them build life skills and teaching them how to cook. The analytics part? Have you ever considered how many people are becoming complacent at your place of work because of these perks or the golden handcuffs you've placed on them? Are they still passionate about their jobs or are they only there for the free lunch? Don't even get me started on catered dinner. People should be going home to their families for dinner, not stick around until a certain time just to get a "free meal" out of it. Look into the analytics of how a strong social network and family life outside of work can affect someone's job performance. This is why I have always believed that we need to do whatever we can to help people be successful outside of work. Whenever a new father tells me that him and his partner are expecting, yes I'll go through all the parental stuff with him, but I also tell him these are the entitlements his spouse is eligible for at their place of work, and advise him on how to best support his partner through this, and if his partner decides to take time off work to later transition back in, how to help with that transition. I help employees' friends and family members find jobs, because I believe that if a company truly cares about an employee, they'll also care about that employee's extended network. Think about the studies that talk about how personal lives can affect performance at work. If a company can do more to help people remove stressors from their personal lives as well, then that employee will have so much more positive energy to put into their work. Salary negotiations, most people hate these. If a company actually cared, they'd pay their employees as much as they can that is fair before the employee has to ask for it. When people have to ask, it taxes that relationship. People like to be recognized and should be paid what they're worth. Just because someone is an inexperienced negotiator doesn't mean they're inexperienced at their job (unless you're a lawyer maybe? or a salesperson?). Why not just be transparent with salary all the time? I find that it's usually an easy conversation for me in terms of, this is what I think you could be making anywhere else based on your skills, but this is the money we have right now. Or I don't think your skills are there yet, here are some goals for you to meet before you can get this salary. If a candidate gives you a salary expectation lower than your actual range, do you really think you can just go with their number and get away with it? People will talk. That employee will find out that they lowballed themselves and then they'll resent you and just leave for another company. Is it really worth it when you think about all the money you'll now need to spend to backfill the role and retrain someone? Look at the costs of onboarding. There's your analytics piece and now figure out how you can treat people like humans first of all and then secondly as adults so that they don't leave your organization and will also give you 100% of themselves at work. Let's be realistic here, most companies only get about 40-60% of their employees' focus/performance potential.

I could probably go on forever about what HR 4.0 looks like, considering I've spent the last 72 hours (on and off) writing this. FFS just treat people better and get some data to back up why you should treat people better. I do what I do because I believe that's how you help grow a business; you start by growing the people. When you do a good job at taking care of the people, the people will take care of the business.

P.S. I've had so many people thank me for doing what I've been doing lately with the layoff stuff, telling me how they've never met anyone who cared so much...stop thanking me. This is what being a good human being means and what we should all be doing. Again, I'm not particularly kind. I'm just trying to be a good person and ideally, this is what an average person should look like and the things I talked about above are what every average company should be doing. Let's create change together.

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