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#the reasons i think she might say no are 1. covid - valid or 2. she wants me to stop watching horror movies - unrealistic on her part
devilsskettle · 3 years
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realizing that i’m going to be at home when spiral comes out so seeing it in theaters now 100% depends on whether or not my mom lets me go. even though i am an entire adult
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franki-lew-yo · 3 years
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I really hate 2d purists. No, not 2d animation. Not 2d animators.
2d purists.
The sad thing is it’s gotten to the point that I really cringe hearing any pro-2D sentiment at all. I hate the arguments I agree with because how often they're misused and weaponized by idiots.
Let me make my stance here clear - 2d is NOT appreciated and 3d is used for everything! The layman Karen-mom who doesn’t have an artistic bone in her body looks at stupidsmooth 3D Grubhub ads and assumes quality cause it “looks more real” (aka ‘rendered’). I know as much is true because I literally have a member of my family who told my sister and I that she thinks 3d is better (and also that she “tolerated THOSE movies for us kids”. Touching words. My sister was taking an animation course by the way). Combined that with the studios either using 2D for cheap stuff or finding good 2d animation too “costly”, I get it and I’m not even any animator. I'm just a worm an illustrator.
but holy HELL -
There’s a backlash from the artistic community that's it's own kind of insufferable and deserve to be addressed.
“(insert2Danimatedfilm) is better BECAUSE it's 2D!”
followed by: "Animation is a visual medium and the quality of the art affects how much the story means !!!!”  
Yes. Totally. Animation is a visual medium and the look and style is important. Sadly, people use this excuse to really obnoxious ends, insisting that design being pretty is '' everything ''. When you treat a movie more as a special effects demo I get why you talk about the artistry at hand; but I’m sorry, visuals are not the only thing important and it’s why I’m also getting sick of the sameElsafacesyndrome rants too! There’s this attitude that's reads as "but it LOOKS better fromaproductionimage/teasertrailerwhichapparentlyisindicativeof all themovieactuallyis so it MUST BE better".
-“3D should only be used to make things look realistic!”
I think I know the logic this criticism is made in response to, and that’s the Sony + Illumination films which look just as good in 2D as they do in three dimensions. I know it feels like people are twisting this medium to try and make it like a classic cartoon when by all means people can and would love a classic cartoon being a classic cartoon. That I get- From the unsung 2D animator’s perspective, that’s more than valid !
But it’s a huuuuuuge slap in the face to 3d in saying it should only be used for "realistic animation" because
1: It’s not like realistic animation could age badly or look uncanny in the next few years. It's almost like technology is constantly improving, which I guess 2d animation never did and it was always the same technique and quality as every film that came after it.
2: The industry does treat 3d as a magic-moneymaker for this reason. Just listen to these people call the 2019 LION KING “live action” as if they’re embarrassed to call it animation. It IS animation! It would be impressive if you acknowledged that what it is, but like the CATS, you basically are treating it as just a neato tool to better your live action and not it's own artform - which it is!
3: By this “three-deeonly gud when real liek in da toystories” non-logic I guess 2d should ONLY be for flowyflowy SPACE JAM cartoons and maybe some Disney*. Just that though. You can’t do anything more with 2d. It’s never supposed to be realistic I guess. Good thing Richard Williams only did 'toons' and just toons that’s why we need 3d in the world I guess.
Wait no - that’s stupid.
"I HAVE to see the “Land Before Time 14″ when it comes out! I mean it’s a 2D animated film!"
Lost in the aether that is Youtube comment chains removed from kid's videos is a stream of this very VERY stupid argument supporting the buying of the 14th LAND BEFORE TIME film because it’s supporting 2D. My sister and I can be found on that chain arguing against this stupidity. All you have is my word, but trust me: it really did happen.
I’m sorry but...no.
Unless you have a friend or a family member who worked on these movies there’s no reason to see this and ESPECIALLY no reason to insist it’s a win for the 2D community if you buy up this crap - and I'm not judging if you do like it, but come on! LAND BEFORE TIME 14 isn't where your money should go if you really like this medium.
What’s so infuriating about this argument is you can tell it’s made by nonanimators. Real animators will tell you to support their movies cause they want some respect for their artform which is why there’s such a push from the PRINCESS AND THE FROGcrowd that you SEE and LOVE every 2d thing out there, regardless of how good it is because any recognition for it is k i n d o f what they're after!
Kiddy sequel schlock isn’t even in the same ballpark as KLAUS or WOLFWALKERS; these films DID have very limited theatrical runs (Klaus so it could be nominated; Wolfwalkers in places where theaters opened up after Covid) and should have been supported because they were labors of love made by people who love animation.
As other people have already pointed out, one of the reasons for the lack of interest in 2000sera2D animation is that the only films released alongside critical+financial 3D hits were cheaper 2D films that either coincided with daytime tv shows or should have been just direct-to-video. It’s not to say art couldn’t come out of these flicks, but dayum if it wasn’t abused as much as the texture software that era's CG used... Point being, should the world ever go back to normal: If you hear about an out-of-town showing an acclaimed 2D animated film, make time to trek out and see THAT!
Don’t give your money to see yet another made-for-tv movie on the big screen because all that tells the studio is: “yeah 2d IS cheap and only good for cheap stuff let’s just keep it cheap. Only 3d is important 8D 8D 8D !!!"
“I don’t understand how it works. So it sucks.”
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This text is from an ANIMATOR btw.
“I don’t understand how it works” and “it’s just some computer rendering” is the exact same wave of logic the people who prefer cgi use.
The plebian Karen I mentioned earlier? She understands the basics of 2D animation as much as you did from one of those cruddy flash classes you took in middle-school. She 'understands' the basics cuz she watched how it was made on the DVD features or maybe back on the WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. To her, the illusion is broken and she’s not impressed by 'just some drawings on paper'. You, an animator, know the process is more complicated and is intrigued by knowing how it’s made - not bored or disinterested -
Neither you nor Aunt Karen have really good cg-animation software at your house and unless you ARE a 3D animator you probably DON’T know all the ins-and-outs of how these movies are modeled, rendered, and animated.
Aunt Karen is bedazzled by them cause she doesn’t know how it works and the technical aspect makes her brain hurt so it might as well be magic and she can feel like a cool kid sharing Minion-memes. Aunt Karen is the nonartistic type who just wants to feel safe. You're not. You want to feel challenged.
I get it: you’re pissed off cause you’re in a field no one, including Aunt Karen, appreciates; told to work in cg which it's an artform you didn’t devote your life to and told to learn it cause THIS style sells! 3D is everywhere and is starting to look like 'garbage' even if you don’t animate 3D models yourself you just KNOW, I guess. Besides, you know all there is to know about 2d!! You know all there is to possibly know about this artform and have to fight this 'war' against "r e a l" animation! And I mean even when 3d software is there to use, it's not like you can actually make anything worth while in it, especially not anything that transcends the medium. Right Worthikids?
TL;DR: This argument is basically just " BWAAAAH I’M NOT GONNA USE IT I HAVE STANDARDS (a chip on my shoulder cuz art should be what I deem it to be) "
“PRINCESS AND THE FROG is-”
There’s a reason I can’t say I truly like PRINCESS AND THE FROG even though it's not even a bad movie! Like, stop reading this and watch PATF if you haven't it's good. It's my 'FROZEN', in that; I see a lot of potential in it I just think it needs some serious rewriting and that bugs me. Always have felt that way, tbh.
I dislike this movie because the response from the animation community seems to be it was perfect and the Academy was just Pixar-crazy with UP ((ftr, the Academy IS Pixar’s bitch and I personally advocate a sequel be made to WAKING SLEEPING BEAUTY about Mike Eisner’s sabotage of the 2D department at Disney which is still in place now!- but that’s a story for another day)). I’m sorry but UP was just a better story. So was CORALINE. So was FANTASTIC MR. FOX. Honest to god it feels like poor PATF is brought up as just a talking point and never for it's own worth as a labor of love - which it was! I'd like to honestly know: had PRINCESS AND THE FROG come out now and been cg if it would have even half the defenders for it because now it doesn't "look" like how a Disney movie "should" look...
If you like PatF more than the currant Disney lineup because of it's culture, it's music, it's feminism, it's black representation? Awesome. Great. Those things should be appreciated and I never want that taken away from you. But if you seriously think PatF is better just for how it was animated and looks - I lowkey may hate you.
“ALL OF DISNEY’S LATEST MOVIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2D! THEY ALL LOOK AWFUL IN 3D!! ALL OF THEM!”
TANGLED, FROZEN, and MOANA? Yeah. Sure. But um, e x c u s e y o u- WRECK IT RALPH sooooo doesn’t work in 2d! It could have used different between the various worlds but it’s about hopping through different video games. I’m also of the opinion that ZOOTOPIA and BIG HERO 6 are fine the way they are. Their 3d is awesome.
The latest fairy tale Disney films are really big on their place alongside the 2D canon esp in marketing. They keep trying to mimic 2D to varying results though I don't think it works as well as the movie's I'd previously mentioned. Me personally, I would love a mix of 3D and 2D technology, like if the backgrounds in FROZEN still got to be 3D but the characters were handdrawn and shaded ala KLAUS ((sweet sigh)). But even then are they truly unwatchable just based on how they're animated to you?
MOANA would have been incredible in 2D but for the record - I don't think it feels out of place in it's style. It reminds me more of a Pixar movie with the heart of a Disney classic which is it's own just as good.
“2D is the oldest form of animation and it’s being replaced.”
Actually, if we’re talking animation in film, stop motion is the earliest form of animation. The stop motion animated THE ADVENTURES OF PRINCE ACHMED and TALE OF THE FOX predate Disney’s SNOW WHITE. And yes: stop-motion IS still a form of animation even if it’s a serious of pictures taken of real life things and not drawings, so don’t you dare come at me with the "but that's not animated"/"Technically it’s LIVE ACTION" crap or I’ll envoke the spirit of Sandman to get you at night.
“Every animated film would look better in 2D! Even PIXAR would look better in 2D!”
Again, Stop Motion.
No, I mean it.
Lemme ask: Would ISLE OF DOGS or FANTASTIC MR. FOX carry any of the same effect if they were generic 90s toons? I know NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS wouldn’t. Christ, don’t even get me started on Svankmajer!
Sometimes the problem is that a movie is envisioned with a specific artform in mind. Pixar started out with toys and bugs for a reason and that’s cuz they were always gonna be a 3d studio and they needed to first overcome the placisity of the models. Over the years they’ve gotten really good at effects and blending unrealistic proportions with real textures (and also not so much- ONWARD and THE GOOD DINOSAUR really needed some different character designs and yeah, I do think would have looked better with a 2d artstyle, but not the ones they had in their films. THE GOOD DINOSAUR needed more realistic-speculative looking dinos and ONWARD needed a grittier HEAVY METAL/BLACK CAULDRON appeal to its designs.) My point being that the problems with these movies aren’t even inherently the animation as much as it is a problem of style. As someone who runs a group speculating different styles and designs for movies and tv shows I’m all for envisioning a 2D ZOOTOPIA or Bluth-inspired FNAF. That’s amazing!
But that’s also the talk of fan artists and nerds and not the professional artists working on visualizing their stories!!
Since I ate, slept, and breathed NIGHTMARE in my youth I’ll use it as an example: All the concept art ever done for TNBC was on paper and 2D was used in the final film. However, even when Tim Burton was thinking of making it just a tv special it was always going to be stop-motion. NIGHTMARE’s puppet cast do work very well in two dimensions, believe me, but the film was made as a love letter to Rankin/Bass and the art form of stop-motion. Skipping to another Henry Selick-helmed project (haha), JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH was also always envisioned as a multimedia film to give it a truly dream-like atmosphere. If you know anything about Henry Selick you’ll know he’s 1) a perfectionist, and 2) loves mixed media and different types of animation and puppetry at once. That’s why he was the perfect pick to direct TNBC at the time, why JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH and CORALINE are so beautiful and why MOONGIRL, his only fully 3d film, doesn’t have the same appeal.
As for what films I couldn’t imagine NOT being 3D? Probably; 9, Padak, Next Gen, Soul, Finding Nemo, the Toy Story films, Wreck-it-Ralph (as previously mentioned), Wall.E, Waltz with Bashir, Robots, Inside Out, Arthur Christmas, The Painting, Happy Feet, Shrek, Enter the Spiderverse, Megamind… just naming a few here.
“I want a traditionally animated film [and by that I mean a 90s-Disney/Don Bluth looking movie] of ‘x'-popular live action/stage thing!”
Okay I’m cheating a bit but it’s my blog and so I’m gonna stick this one in because it’s related.
When I see musings about wanting live-action or CGI shiz to be in 2d again a lot of the time this argument actually boils down to " I want this to look like a 90s Didney movie ". Or, if it’s about animals - " I want it to look like a Don Bluth film! "
Like...there ARE other styles of animation out there...you know that right?
Frack, Disney themselves tried different styles throughout the 90s it’s just that the peak of the Disney renaissance films (LITTLE MERMAID, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, THE LION KING) and the many imitators that followed tended to have the same look to them where only film/animation nerds kept watching into the era that was TARZAN, HERCULES, and ATLANTIS along with the kids. Aunt Karen wasn't singing Part of your World in the carride with you every day.
The Don Bluth argument is especially irritating because...what exact feeling do you WANT from a movie if it looked Bluthish? Each of the four ‘quintessential’ Bluth movies (NIMH, AMERICAN TAIL, LBT, and ALL DOGS) have such a different feel to them that’s complimented by that style; SECRET OF NIMH is a drama about wild animals trying to understand humans; LAND BEFORE TIME is even more squarely about an animal’s perspective as there’s literally no humans around; AMERICAN TAIL uses animals stowing away on the ship to tell a story about refugees; and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.
What the frack are you even asking for with that because I think there’s a certain flavor to the Bluth-styled oeuvre as well as the 90s Disney catalogue that would clash too much stylistically with some films.
Also come on! Like some Bluthian-style 2d would really fix THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS or SCOOB!, bite me.
I think this fixation solely on these two hand drawn styles and nothing else is based on nostalgia goggles, refusing to step outside the norm and discover different films and feelings than Disney and Bluth, and just preference. Goin back to NIGHTMARE there will always be a special place in my heart for Henry Selick’s stop motion, but I couldn’t imagine CHICKEN RUN or ANOMALISA in it's unique style.
Also I’m tired of every time there’s a "lets make an animatic to ‘x’ musical theater song" it’s reliably just Disneyesque or realistic. WHY envision an animated version of the show at all if it doesn’t have A STYLE to it??!?! I’m sorry but 90s-Disney does NOT fit CABARET!
“3D is so CHEAP now! Why can’t they just do 2D again?”
I think - on the cusp of the 2020s and the Grubhub hatedom, there ARE changing times ahead for 3d and 2d. The general public are starting to get tired of the same looking 3d films and wanting some 2d back, but they don’t have the best resources or opinions on animation to know what it is they want. Meanwhile, the animation community + industry is trying to figure out what to do and you have a lot of turmoil between the monopoly that is the industry, the high standards of the artists, and the mixed wants of the animation fanbase deciding what art needs to be.
It’s a tough business. And in the spirit of that tough business - maybe DON’T act like the means of a film’s production is solely your control, that you know best, and know definitively what the artists should have done....cuz you don't. Sorry my fellow criticalfanomanalysist-folks we DON'T and in an age of standom where fans and critics think it's okay to hackle indie animation studios about not getting their pitched cartoon out fast enough - we need to reserve these discussions to our circles and not treat them as gospel.
3d animation and 2d animation have to share this world. Stop acting like they’re either interchangeable in terms of budget, means of production, or artistry or that one has to be superior to the other.
The industry already says one art form is better (spoiler: it’s always live-action), we don’t need anymore of this purist garbage. Just stick to what you like while trying new things on the side. Be critical while also being compassionate. And remember:
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Well, I think it’s time to create my own list of thoughts and wishes for season 3 of Titans
(I am well aware that some of these points are merely a wishful thinking but a girl can dream, right?)
First of all, the official stuff we found out so far:
- Redhood - I know Jason was treated poorly (to say the least) in s2 and that is a legit reason to be angry at the team but please let this transition make sense. Curran is putting a lot of work into it and I am sure his performance will be amazing, but storywise I really hope it’s not gonna end up being done in a “bratty kid throwing a tantrum” kind of way.
- Barbara Gordon - I don’t want to hear anything about a love triangle, got it? She’s being introduced as Dick’s ex for a reason. There might be some little things thrown in here and there like we had with Dawn in s1 but a full blown drama? We don’t need that shit! And besides, it’s been said she won’t be very happy to see Dick, neither she’ll be thrilled about Nightwing and Company running around her city.
Unless they turn it all into a comedy where instead of Kory being jealous - it’s the kids! Gar and Rachel going completely feral whenever Barbara gets close to Dick, giving off you’re not our mom so get out vibe and Kory lets them because she finds it hilarious (this season is supposed be *lighter* and *more fun* as I’ve heard, right?)
- Scarecrow - I am VERY intrigued to see that character. He’s supposed be locked up and working with GCPD but I do hope we’ll get to see him in action. I’m not really into comics world, I had to do my research on him, but from what I’ve found… Damn, fear toxin torture that show their biggest fears and nightmares would be awesome for my angst crave
- Blackfire - personally I don’t find a reason to panic. I know that the treatment of both Anna and her character, especially in s2 was unacceptable, I 100% agree with that. And it does give a reason to worry for s3. BUT why am I not worried?
1. Damaris Lewis has been promoted to a series regular a long time ago
2. Even with all the stuff happening in Gotham, Blackfire is still set to be the main villain - we had the same situation in s2. Cadmus was brought up to introduce Conner, even though Deathstroke was the main villian. So whatever is happening in Gotham, it’s for the introduction of Red Hood while Blackfire remains main villain.
3. Look at what Anna has been saying and the vibe she’s giving off! Would she be this happy if Kory wasn’t getting more screentime? Would she be getting calls from the showrunner about creating Kory’s background and having a chance to pitch him ideas like incorporating her native culture in building the world of Tamaran? WOULD SHE SAY WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE THAT THIS IS THEIR BEST SEASON YET?
So don’t worry too much about our girl. I’m sure she’s getting her time to shine. Even if it ends up being not as much as we would want, it’s still progress from last season.
And if the writers follow a similar schematic as for previous seasons, I see it going like this:
Blackfire = Deathstroke = Trigon (Main Villian)
Gotham stuff/Redhood = CADMUS/Conner = The Organization/Nuclear Family/Angela (side villian/introduction)
Scarecrow and Barbara = Doctor Light = Amy Rohrbach and Nic Zucco (plot device, appearance in 1-3 eps at most)
I might be wrong though, so don’t hold me on that. Because there’s also another storyline that needs to fit in between all of this
- Rachel on Themyscira - I am sure they won’t show as much of the island as they were originally planning for the same reason they moved the team from San Francisco to Gotham - weather conditions in this time of year resulting in lower temperatures, shorter and less sunny days. All of that wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for filming being pushed back due to Covid. I also had a feeling from the beginning that Rachel won’t come back victorious, or at least she will come back alone, with Donna showing up on her own later or at the end of the season. Now, with an information of the possible use of Lazarus Pit, it all makes even more sense. All my knowledge about those pits comes from Arrowverse so correct me if I’m wrong, but is Donna going to struggle with Blood Lust because of that? It is possible imo.
- Roy Harper and Tim Drake - I don’t have much to say about them, really. I’m excited to see Roy but the only valid reason for him to show up is to grieve Donna and maybe share his condolences to Dick or something like that. We don’t need more OG Titans drama. And Tim… well, new Robin in town will catch Jason’s attention and definitely spark some jealousy, evolving into a feeling of being ditched and abandoned, further confirming his belief of being a “reject”. All of this will only push him further to Red Hood.
Now, for the things I personally want to happen…
- Dickkory getting together - even if it happens in the finale, we need to see the progress! I don’t want this to happen off screen during the possible time jump. I want to see them supporting each other and being there for each other. I want to see Kory being his right-hand (wo)man and them leading the team together. And most importantly for me - the one thing that really brought them together in s1 - a continuation of their co-parenting of the younger Titans.
- Gar’s trauma being adressed - and I’m talking BOTH SEASONS. He really struggled with killing that guy in s1 and what CADMUS did to him made it all worse. He needs to talk about this with someone (and I hope that someone is Dick). And I really want to know if what happened to him is gonna have any lasting consequences.
- Donna and Dick need to talk things out - the worst thing about her death for me is the fact that these two didn’t get the chance to talk about what happened. Donna wasn’t a saint either and I find her behavior in the second half of s2 very hypocritical. It almost felt like this Donna and s1 Donna are two different people! She and Dick have a very strong bond and a lot of history. I’m sure they’ve had their fair share of fights in the past. I really hope they will sort this thing out and get back to being this amazing duo I fell in love with in s1.
- Rose and Jericho - I really want to see how this relationship will work and progress with them not really knowing each other but sharing one body.
- Growth and progress in Kory, Rachel and Gar’s powers - I think I don’t need to elaborate on that. I want to see Kory and Rachel fly, Rachel using more of her powers and discovering stuff like teleportation and telekinesis, Gar turning into other animals (lets pray HBO MAX will provide a decent budget for all of that). And obviously, following that…
- Supersuits for those three! - do I need to add more? I don’t think so.
- And can we get rid of Hank and Dawn? - I liked them in s1, tolerated them at the beginning of s2 and by the end I just wanted them gone. They are completely useless. Honestly? If I were to pick one… Hank can stay, we can still do something with him. But Dawn can go and don’t come back for all I care. I only need her for one more thing I’d like to see but more about that later.
And now the two most important things for me…
- MORE CORE FOUR FAMILY MOMENTS - this was the magic of season 1 that we only got some crumbs of in 2x01 and then it disappeared completely. I am in desperate need of Dick and Kory co-parenting their two superpowered teenage kids. And can someone FINALLY call Dick a DAD?! I would pay fortune to see that happen.
- Relationship progress between the Core Four - all the possible variants, but especially with the kids. It’s already been pretty much established that Rachel is Daddy’s Girl while Gar is Mama’s Boy. And it was nice to see Dick and Gar growing closer during season 2 while Rachel poured her heart out to Kory. But I was VERY MUCH with Gar and Kory when they both asked Rachel “Have you talked to Dick?” because girl YOU AND YOUR FATHER NEED TO TALK! A lot has happened, okay? (Not just because I am an absolute sucker for this dynamic and they are my favorites, but… get ready for a rant) I really want to go back to the way things were in s1 where they had at least one scene together every episode, where they talked and bonded a lot, where we actually could see the progress of this relationship. We’ve been stripped of that in s2. A little bit at the beginning, something at the end (I’m still mad Rachel didn’t get any closure for that nightmare that scared the hell out of her and yet had no influence on further events). I want to see Dick really embracing that role of a father, stepping up to responsibilities he kinda forgot about in s2. It would be nice to see a callback to his conversation with Dawn in 1x02 about how he’s “not taking her in” because “he can’t do family”. I’d love for Dawn to throw one big “I told you so!” in his face (and Dick agreeing she was right all along). I want to see Rachel leaning on him for support and encouragement while also growing independent in her own way. I also need to see more physical affection. Hugs are great and we always want more of them, but a touch of hand on the arm or cheek, or a forehead kiss would kill me. And I dream about a verbal “I love you” everyday…
Well, I think it’s all for now. Nothing else comes to mind atm. I might update this list as time goes on and we get more details…
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ahiddenpath · 3 years
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Life Talk
1.)  I won Nanowrimo
2.)  My house is sold
3.)  I’m tryyyyyyying to taking it easy
More below the cut.
So, I won Nanowrimo.  It’s roughly 30K Four Years and 20K Tri: Integrity Lens.  I feel very... blank about it, though.  In the last few years, I’ve been trying to celebrate when I win Nanowrimo, but...  I don’t have any emotions about it this year, probably even less than usual.
I should probably back up and say that, when I was growing up, I was the type that got all As, won every contest, was the lead in plays and singing events, got the good behavior awards, won state-wide science and poetry contests, was on the select sports teams.  I’m not saying this to brag- I was hyper-involved in school and extracurriculars because it kept me away from home.  
It got to the point at home where, if I won an award, the reaction was, “good.”  If I didn’t, it was, “Why didn’t you win that award?  We don’t have money for tutoring, so you had better figure it out *vague threat* ”  Stuff like that.
Basically, it’s hard for me to feel proud of anything.  If I succeed, that’s “baseline.”  Good, I won’t be scolded.  If I don’t, that’s anxiety- “I will be scolded, I will be punished.”  
I can’t change that concept as an adult- it was cemented into me during my formative years.  But I can see it, and I can tell myself- it’s okay.  Don’t beat yourself up over not feeling a certain way.
The big thing on my mind now, still, is that we sold our first home successfully a few days ago.  It’s the most enormous load off my mind.  This whole time, I’ve been wondering- I keep pinning everything on when the house is sold.  Will it actually be a relief?  Will it actually free up emotional and mental real estate?
SPOILER ALERT: IT DID, I FEEL GREAT!  
I told my therapist that I couldn’t feel “at home” and “settled” until I sold the old house, and she challenged me to not wait for some kind of...  Permission?  Catalyst?  Like, don’t put things off citing “my old home isn’t sold” as a reason, because suddenly, a year will have passed and you still haven’t painted your room or put up photos or turned the house into your home.
I absolutely see her point, but I also see mine.  Frankly, now that I’m not paying for two mortgages, I can afford to do some of that stuff (buy paint and supplies, buy a rug, buy a lamp, etc).  It is true that I could have hung my photos at any time, so that was just a mental/stress block, but I do think that pointing to the money that was tied up in paying the mortgages for both homes, and for repairing things at the old home at the buyer’s demand, was... you know, a valid reason not to be throwing money at our current home.
Right now, my anxiety is free to be directed at the fact that the CDC is forecasting such drastic pandemic leaps.  It’s expected to hit in about 10-ish days after today, 11/29, a Sunday that will likely be the largest single day for travel as people head back home in droves to make it to work on Monday after going away for Thanksgiving.  It’s expected that we’ll be seeing 4,000 covid deaths per day in the states around week 2/3 of December.
I really don’t want to go to work physically, because I know coworkers who travelled.  I wish we could all stay home for two weeks, when the symptoms will show for carriers who are not asymptomatic.  I will definitely be limiting my time in the office to after 3 PM, when a lot of coworkers have gone home.  It’s still a risk that I’m not sure is worthwhile.  
Ah!  I should probably say that my therapist is talking about ending therapy.  I started in... I wanna say March or April of 2019?  Is that right?  So I guess it’s been...  Like, 19-ish months?  I’ve learned so much, but I would say...  The biggest difference is that I can see my behavior patterns for what they are, and then decide what to do with them.  I haven’t “changed” at my core.  I can’t, not in the way people mean when they say “you’ve changed.”  The same learned behaviors, belief systems, and emotions from my childhood are there.  I just recognize them when they pop up and can make informed decisions about how to approach them.  
Which, it turns out, makes a huge difference, even if it isn’t really “change.”  I’m always in danger of being too distraught to see what’s in front of my face, though (thanks, anxiety!).
What else...  My husband and I did cheese fondue and hot pot for Thanksgiving!  It was easily the best holiday I’ve ever had.  Holidays are always... so high pressure, always such events that turn a day off into a giant list of chores that might span weeks to complete beforehand.  Plus, I’m always hoping I’m not about to be dragged into some kind of “trap” conversation by both my family and my husband’s, who have very different political views compared to me.
But on Thanksgiving, my husband and I ate amazing food, spent a lot of time together, and I felt so loved and cared for and valued, because my husband came up with the idea and made it happen, all so we’d have a nice holiday together.  Honestly, I don’t deserve him.  I don’t get it.  He’s so amazing?  I love him so much.
As for my writing, I’ve been feeling...  Bad about it, frankly.  I think it’s partially because it honestly looks like no one is reading Tri: Integrity Lens.  I don’t get it?  It was my most requested story in 2018/2019, and I know people wanted a sequel to Growing Up with You, so why is TIL doing so poorly?  At first, I thought people were going back to read GUWY again first, since I saw a huge surge in hits for it.  Now, I’m not sure?  Like, if I open my stats, some random GUWY chapters will have over 10 times the hits as the newest TIL chapter???  ???? ????  ????  ?????
I’m wondering if it has to do with Tri itself...  I think that, the more time passed, the more people who liked Tri are maybe defensive about how... negative the fandom reaction was, overall.  Meanwhile, people who dislike it, I think, have maybe simply... chucked it out the window, and don’t think about it much.  Whereas, when it was still coming out and directly after it wrapped up, I think people who disliked Tri were more interested in imagining ways they might have personally tweaked it.
That makes things awkward for someone like me, who thinks Tri has amazing moments basically... tacked onto a crumbling base.  
Actually, let me give you my weird metaphor for Tri!
When I am deciding if I’m going to write a new fic, often what happens is...  A few powerful ideas coalesce, a few themes and characterizations.  Some people say they are lead by a few powerful scenes.  I think of these ideas/themes/character ideas (or scenes for other people) as sparkling ornaments on a Christmas tree.
The problem is that...  Ornaments in a box don’t... do much.  You need to display them on a tree, right?  The ornaments need to be connected and supported by a plot (unless you decide to write a focused oneshot, which is my recommendation in most cases).
In short: Tri has amazing ornaments, but the tree is... not... doing that well.  The ideas are there, there are plenty of awesome moments, but something about the actual story/execution just...  Didn’t do it for me.  But dang, those are some nice ornaments!
That was quick and dirty, but hopefully it conveyed the general idea.  
ANYWAY, I’ve been trying to decide if I’m going to continue TIL.  I think right now, I would definitely finish Ketsui, since I have so much material written already.  Why waste it, right?  But I’m not sure what the future of the story will be- not plot wise, but rather, “is my time better spent elsewhere”-wise.
I’m not sure if I need to focus on a new story, if I should take a break, or what.  I need to write for my mental health, but it doesn’t have to be a fanfic.  It can be anything, as long as I explore whatever is eating at me.
And that is where I am!  I hope you’re all staying safe <3
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twdmusicboxmystery · 4 years
Text
TWD Flagship Series Ending and How It Might Affect Beth/TD
I’m sorry I didn’t get my thoughts out sooner. I woke up to like three fires I had to put out (figurative, of course) so it too me longer than usual to get these written up. But, here we go:
Okay, so I know everyone is freaking out about yesterday’s news. I feel ya. I’m obviously very sad that the flagship series will be ending.
But having said that, it doesn’t entirely surprise me. And it doesn’t really bother me, at least not in the way everyone seems to think it will.
I have lots of thoughts about this, so bear with me. I’ll try to keep them succinct and organized.
I Still Think Beth is Returning
This is probably the most important thing for everyone to know. This announcement doesn’t affect my beliefs about Beth’s return. You’ll understand why as we go along and I explain more. It also doesn’t negate all the clues Emily and other actors have been dropping over previous months. Just keep that in mind.
It Doesn’t Surprise Me That The Show Might End Not Long After Her Return
Now, I’m gonna say that I realize now my original thinking about this was a little flawed, but I’m gonna say it anyway just to throw it out there.
As it’s taken longer and longer for Beth to return, I’ve come to realize that there would be a lot less of the show to go after her return than there was before it. If she’d have returned in S6 or S7, we would have had many seasons to go. But that hasn’t been the case, right?
I firmly believe that Beth represents Daryl’s happily ending. But that does imply it will be an ending of sorts.
And don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have predicted the show would end in S11. You all know I’ve harped on the 15-season thing quite a bit, and I have more to say on that, which I’ll get to in a minute. I’m just saying that after Beth returns, I never thought we’d get another 10 seasons of TWD. A few, sure, but not double the amount or anything.
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Okay, so let me make some broad statements here.
1)      Gimple said he had until S15 planned, and I believe him.
2)      I still think he has plenty of material so that they could have gone on through season 15.
3)      I don’t think any of that content is being scrapped, curtailed, or cut short in any way.
So how can all of those things work together? Well, this is my biggest belief about this whole thing:
I don’t think they’re changing any of their original plan. I think they’re just shuffling and restructuring the way they’re going to give it to us.
A lot of things have changed over the past few years: technology, the fact that people stream-watch much more often than live-watch, CoVid, etc. So basically, I still think they’ll continue to tell the story through what would have been season 15, but they’ll be doing it through alternate series, spinoffs, movies, etc., rather than keeping it all to the main series.
Now, some of the skeptics out there are bound to think my beliefs about this are awfully convenient, and I’m just holding out hope that Beth will still return.
But I’m not JUST talking about Beth story lines. There are other things to consider here that we can prove. And I’ll get to them.
But the next question is:
Why Would They Continue the Story in Other Spinoffs, Rather Than Just Keeping to the Main Series?
I wasn’t sure about this at first, either. The only thing I could come up with on my own is that there are certain business/monetary/logistical concerns behind the scenes that make this a better model for AMC to make use of, rather than continuing the flagship series. And really, we’re never going to totally understand all of that because for legal/privacy reasons they’re never going to give us the details.
But then, the always-insightful @wdway said some things that really helped light bulbs go on in my head.
We were discussing this and she said something about how, since Daryl isn’t a character in the comic books, and Carol died very early on in the story (at the farm, I think?), with this spinoff that will focus on Daryl and Carol, they’re heading into territory that has absolutely no comic book source material.
And that really made sense to me. So, here’s my underlying belief about WHY they’re ending the flagship series after S11, even though they still have more story they’re planning to tell.
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I Believe They’re Ending the Story after the Commonwealth Arc, Specifically Because the Comic Books Ended.
Because here’s the thing. Even with the extended S11, I still don’t think that will be enough time to cover the two major story lines they’ve been hinting at and slowly uncovering over recent seasons: the Commonwealth and the Helicopter People.
The only way to cover BOTH of those so quickly is to REALLY short change one or the other of them, and I think we have ample evidence and foreshadowing that that won’t be the case.
So, here’s the jist of it. Back when Gimple took over and planned his 15-season arc, they couldn’t have predicted a lot of what’s happened since. They couldn’t have predicted technology, COVID…or that Kirkman would suddenly, without any warning, decide to end the comics. So, even though they’ve always put their own spin on things, and have definitely done things that weren’t in the comics at all (i.e. Beth and Daryl), they’ve still always stuck to the major arcs from the comic books. (The Farm, The Prison, Alexandria, AOW, Whisper War, and now The Commonwealth.)
I think they decided to pivot and change formats as soon as Kirkman ended the CBs. They just haven’t announced it until now. So, I think season 11 will focus completely on the Commonwealth, but they’ll end it and switch to something entirely new to continue telling the story of the Helicopter Group. And even though they’re advertising it as focusing on Daryl and Carol, keep in mind that Rick and Michonne are also still out there. We’ll have them to look forward to in the Rick Grimes Films as well. And of course they still have FTWD, TWB, and these other spinoffs they’re talking about.
Do you see what I mean? I don’t think they’re changing or curtailing the story they’ve always planned on telling. They’re just changing formats. So the main series will end with the source material from RK’s comic books. The rest will be a new series that is 100% AMC’s own.
I hope that makes sense. This is why it doesn’t really worry me and I don’t think it negatively impacts Beth’s story or return at all. 
Okay, let’s switch gears and talk about the spinoff.
When I read the press release, the first thought I had was, “Well, that’s vague.” The press release really doesn’t tell us much. It’s hard to draw many conclusions from it. And it doesn’t say other characters (like Ezekiel, for example) won’t be in it. Just that it will focus on Daryl and Carol.
And I get that, again, that may sound convenient, but that’s why I explained everything above first. Knowing that this is probably just switching formats to continue the same story, it doesn’t sound quite as convenient anymore, does it?
The second thing I thought when I heard this (and my fellow theorists said they had the exact same thought, which kind of validates it in my head) is that this whole Carol/Daryl thing is probably tied to the New Mexico symbolism.
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If you remember, starting in 10x01, they started randomly referencing New Mexico a lot, in conjunction with the idea of the two of them taking off on Daryl’s bike and just leaving. I know that idea isn’t our fandom’s favorite, but it was obvious to me that this was a foreshadowing and that it will happen at some point. So I’m relatively sure that this spinoff about Daryl and Carol will be them going to New Mexico together.
Here are some posts where I talked about the NM symbolism: X, X, X,
The thing is, guys, I’ve also always believed that it will be a Beth thing. That it will mirror them taking off together to search for Beth in 5a. So either way, I think Beth will be involved in that spinoff series.
@wdway told me she’s believed for a while that S11 will be another “Daryl searches for Beth” season. TD has believed for a LONG time that there will need to be another search on Daryl’s part. That there may even be something of a replay of events in Coda, but that it will end differently. In a good way, rather than in the disaster that was Coda.
So, either Beth and Daryl will get a reunion sometime in S11, but then something will happen and she’ll be taken again. Probably by the helicopter people. And Daryl will need to go look for her.
Or.
Maybe they won’t get a reunion at all in S11. That would definitely suck more, but maybe, while the audience, and various characters in the show *coughs Eugene* know about Beth, maybe Daryl really doesn’t find out until the end of the season, and he’ll just be busy dealing with the Commonwealth situation. But then, at the end, he finds out she’s alive and jumps on his bike to go find her. And, as in 5x02, Carol goes with him.
I also think Ezekiel will probably figure heavily in this. I’ve harped on and on about his death fake out, right? I do think it will happen some time in S11. And I think it’s possible that the season (and series) will end with Carol still not knowing that he’s really alive. Or maybe she’ll find out he’s with Beth and that will be part of the reason she goes with Daryl too.
Now, obviously this is all conjecture with a liberal splash of head canon. But given the symbolism and foreshadowing we’ve identified, especially these past two seasons, and how often TD has been right about this sort of thing, I really think there is a VERY good possibility that this, or something close to it, is what’s really happening here.
So yeah. I think I’ll shut up, now. The short of it is, I think they’ll continue the story line after S11, just in different story vehicles. I think Beth will still return and be a big part of the story moving forward. And I think S11 (and the series) will end with a lot of unresolved story lines that will move to other parts of the franchise. Therefore, aside from being sad to say goodbye to the flagship series in principle, this really doesn’t worry me all that much.
At the very least, we know we’ll be getting more Daryl after the series officially ends. Which is a good thing.
Thoughts?
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bunnymcbunnister · 4 years
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SPN Season 15 Spoiler Sheet, update 9/12
I waited until filming was over to post. Hopefully we will get some interviews in this next month before the show starts airing again. We also usually get episode an synopsis two weeks before airing and photos one week before airing, on Fridays. 
DISCLAIMER: This is gathered info from various sources. This is not confirmed information. Stuff in this WILL be wrong. Don’t take this too seriously. This is for fun. Also, if you use this info for another publication, please let me know as a courtesy. Don’t be a dick. It's all out there, but it hurts to see my same phrasing on other publications after all the work I’ve done to consolidate it…  
General Info (oldest to newest). This is a blend of pre-COVID and post COVID, so some might change. 
They are adding a whole extra day to filming to do the final scene. They will film the final scene last.  (Implies logistics- lots of returning people?) PRE COVID SPOILER  This no longer seems to be the case. 
In an interview, Kripe indicated that the series ending would have “peace” for Sam and Dean
Not much new at the TCA’s, but it was said it is “unlikely” Jeffery Dean Morgan will be back since his last appearance was such a good end note. There were some jokes about a Castiel spin off. 
There will be a special tribute ep airing the same day as the finale
Misha will be in 15 out of 20 episodes this season (he’s missed 3 so far and I suspect will miss 14. Not sure about 16, unclear about 19/20). 
Cas’ deal with the Empty may come up later in the season. 
Jack will be a critical part of the ending of the show
Dean and Amara’s connection will be explored
There will be a bunker themed episode (MarySue article)- episode 14
In one of his cookbook interviews, Misha used the word “we” several times when talking about the final scene of Supernatural. He said that would be the last scene they shoot. It seemed to imply that he was in the scene, but that could be open to interpretation. 
JaxCon/Vegas Con spoilers: 
Misha said the ending was “happier than he expected” but also had some sadness. He later used “sad and redemptive”
Misha mentioned that Claire will be mentioned on the show, but as of yet not appear. 
Dean says the line “stop killing my people” (to god?)
Jensen said he doesn’t see how the story could continue past this season, but Jared said its more of “a see you later”
Misha confirmed he’s in the final scene, but he also indicated he had one week of filming left (total?) PRE COVID SPOILER
Al Cal posted a pic of a “thrown away” call sheet that seem to indicate Micheal, Lucifer, and a character named “Betty” interacting in the bunker. Unclear as to the validity, could be from 19 based on the casting. 
There will be a flashback episode
Charlie (original flavor) will return
Filming will resume on Aug 18th. Per Canadian policy, they must quarantine for two weeks. Those quarantining seems to include:
Fairly Clear: Jared, Jensen, Jake Abel (Micheal), Rob Benedict (Chuck/God) Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer), Al Cal (didn't need to quarantine, but he is definitely on set), Jim Beaver (Bobby)
Unclear/Rumored: Misha (he is being deliberately cagey), Osric Chau (Kevin- but likely for another project, he was a week ahead of everyone else) 
Reasons Unlikely: Sam Smith (chemo treatment), Kim Rhodes (working at a camp during quarantine), Ruth Connell (she kept posting from Malibu the whole time)
No idea: Shoshannah Stern 
Jensen said sp 19 is more of a season finale, while 20 is a series finale. Repeated in interviews/livestreams. 
Megan Fitz. complimented both Dabb’s and Glynn’s writing on twitter. Not sure if it is in reference to rewrites or the special retrospective that is planned. 
Jensen indicated that the ending did change per COVID protocols. Unclear how much.
Misha is being very, very cagey about where he is. Some live streams seem to indicate he is not at home, but he has yet to confirm- his presence in 19/20 is hard to track. In an interview with Metaverse, he was in bed in a hotel looking space and you could see mountains in the background. He was not on set for the first week of filming, so he could be a week behind. He was at home on the last day of filming.
Misha has thrown around the words “final”  and “what he <Misha> would have wanted” per Cas’ ending. “Sad/Proud” and “poignant” were also used. 
The final episodes will premier October 8th. The finale will air Nov 19th in conjunction with an hour long special. 
A trailer was released on 8/27. Scenes included:
A moving speech from Sam to Dean
(Possibly from 18) A teary conversation between Dean and Cas
Injured Dean being helped by Cas in the bunker
Jack breaking some cuffs/bring thrown into a wall/saying he has to kill god
Dean and his grenade launcher and a purple nightgown 
Sam in a sweater vest getting a gun from under a pillow
A glimpse of a body with “Lust” written above it/a matronly woman (I think the villain from 14) saying “Boys”
Ghose Dean? Little Sam cutting off a hand
Some intermixed scenes from past episodes
A second trailer was released on 8/31. Scenes included:
A monologue from Billie about god coming to destroy the planet plus her banging on a bunker door (with her hand all gooey) and striking someone with her sythe
Jack continuing his speech about killing god but expanding that he has a ritual to do
Lots of red danger lights in the bunker/ 3 people getting tossed around in the bunker/Chuck in the bunker
Chuck saying he doesn't believe Sam and Dean can kill him
Young Sam and not ghost Young dean
Dean angrily driving the Impala then saying “its time”
Cas drawing his blade in front of an old truck to protect someone in a suit (Jack? I cant tell)
More Dean tears
A surprise appearance from Bobby
Some of the same scenes as before
Episode 15x14
Title: Last Holiday
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME – Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) discover a wood nymph (guest star Meagan Fey) living in the bunker who is determined to protect her family, at any cost. Eduardo Sanchez directed the episode written by Jeremy Adams (#1514). 
Written by: Jeremy Adams
Director: Eduardo Sanchez
Filming Dates:1/15- 1/24
Airdate: unknown- October 8th
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? eh… I don't think so Jack ? yes
Guest stars: 
Other Spoilers/info:
Misha mentioned being at an airport the first day of filming, maybe he’ll miss this one
The director shared a BTS shot with AlCal’s chair in the background. He also posted on that looked like the statues in hell. Lots of filming at the bunker. A few impala shots were shared as well. 
In an EW article, a mysterious woman gives Sam and Dean every holiday they ever missed. Based on the title, I’m guessing this!
 Episode 15x15
Title: Gimme Shelter
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: ?? Davy Perez???? They seem to be keeping it under wraps for some reason
Director: Matt Cohen
Filming Dates: 1/27-2/5
Airdate: unknown. October 15th?
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ?yes  Jack ? Yes
Guest stars: 
Other Spoilers/info:
There was some filming done at the crossroads with only Misha. 
Alex and Misha filmed together
It seems as if J2 didn’t film at all the first week, Misha filmed six or seven days, this is a Cas centric ep
Episode 15x16
Title: Drag Me Away (From You)
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: Megan Fitzmartin
Director: Amyn Kaderali
Filming Dates: 2/6-2/17
Airdate: October 22nd?
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? I think so… briefly? Jack ? not sure either. 
Guest stars: IMDB credits Lisa Berry (Billie/Death)
Other Spoilers/info:
Alex got a cast of his face around the filming of this- so this ep or the one after
Looks like we get Dean in a robe!
They filmed at Rooster’s Sunrise Hotel for 3 days/nights
This might be the flashback ep
Episode 15x17
Title: Unity
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: Meredith Gylnn
Director: Catrion McKenzie
Filming Dates: 2/19-2/28
Airdate: Oct 29th?
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes
Guest stars: Rob benedict and Emily Sparrow
Other Spoilers/info:
Chuck and Amara trailers were seen on set when filming in a garden
Jensen was in NOLA Friday, possible Monday
“Uriel” was around for filming (Post COVID update: Misha seemed to indicate that this was because the actor was nearby filming? Not sure if this is to cover up the spoiler or the truth)
Alex and Jensen filmed in the impala
Episode 15x18
Title: The Truth
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: BOBO
Director: Speight
Filming Dates: 3/2--3/11
Airdate: Nov 5th?
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes
Guest stars: 
Other Spoilers/info:
Misha and Alex filmed near the impala. J2 showed up later that night. This was the source of the “last time they all filmed on set” photo)
An really emotional scene was filmed with Misha and Jensen. Jared was definitely not there, but Alex was on the flight they took with Rich, so its possible he was too. This was revealed at a con in which the four of them were on a plane that had an in-flight problem.
Filming watchers saw a bro hug
Tape Ball posted a shot of field that looks like were dean came back from hell
Misha indicated this was his “favorite episode” in a recent interview
Episode 15x19
Title: Inherit the Earth
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: bucklelimg
Director: John Showalter
Filming Dates:: 3/12-3/23/cancelled for COVID and then 8/18-8/27??
Airdate: Nov 12th
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? unknown Jack ? yes
Guest stars: Jake Abel (Micheal), Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer) 
Other Spoilers/info:
Production shut down as a precaution for coronavirus on 3/13, two days into filming. It is scheduled to start again on Aug 18th. 
Jensen indicated there might be some re-writes for this ep to account for COVID protocols.
When they started filming, they indicated they were on day two. So maybe they could only use some of the scenes they shot? Then they added an extra day all called it day 9. COVID protocols makes things take longer 
AlCal was definitely on set. 
Jake Abel is definitely on set, and he posted an instagram story with his trailer and Lucifer’s (Mark Pelligrino)
Some filming was done at a gas station called Showalter’s (name of the director) with Jared, Jensen, and Alex
Jake “Spoiler King” Abel filmed a video showing chairs for Jared, Jensen, and Alex as well as Rob Benedict (Chuck/God). They were filming near a lake with a mountain view (that looked similar to where Cas died in season 13)
Rob Benedict posted it was his last day in Vancouver, indicating we won't see Chuck past this episode? Or very very briefly in 20? Jake Abel posted a similar message, also baiting fans about Misha’s whereabouts 
Scene “28” took several days and seemed to go across both 19 and 20? So they might have done some combo filming?
 Episode 15x20
Title: Carry On
OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 
Written by: Dabb
Director: Bob Singer
Filming Dates: 8/28- 9/10  
Airdate: November 19th
Photos: 
Promo:
Sneak Peak:
Castiel ? maaaaybe? Jack ? maaaaybe?
Guest stars: Jim Beaver
Other Spoilers/info:
Misha is in the final scene, per pre COVID interviews. I think this changed after COVID. 
Jensen indicated filming would take two weeks, longer than usual (looks like a 9 day shoot, with a day off for Labor Day)
According to Superwiki, 9/3 was the last day on the bunker set, the final days are on location. 
Scene “28” took several days and seemed to go across both 19 and 20? So they might have done some combo filming?
Filming locations seemed to include a barn (pic with a stunt guy showed wooden walls and straw) and a lake (not the mountain lake from 19). Filming signs spotted at Lower Seymour Conservation Reserve. 
Jim Beaver confirmed his appearance on Twitter
There was a pic of J2 with baby on a bridge. Baby had her original plates. They seem to be wearing the same clothes they were in the pilot. There may be grey (??) In their hair, but that could be lighting
Misha posted some creation videos, saying he had been on an impromptu camping trip. He was back in his house. They were posted on the last day of filming and he had pretty decent scruff. He also mentioned that is was the last day of filming and he wasn't up there. 
The show officially wrapped at 6:25 on 9/10
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montagnarde1793 · 4 years
Text
Ribbons of Scarlet: A predictably terrible novel on the French Revolution (part 1)
Parts 2, 3, 4 and 5.
Q: Why is this post in English? Isn’t this blog usually in French?
 A: Yes, but I can’t bypass the chance, however small, that someone in the book’s target audience might see and benefit from what I’m about to say.
 Q: Why did you even read this book? Don’t you usually avoid bad French Revolution media?
 A: My aunt left the book with me when she came for my defense last November. I could already tell it would be pretty awful and might not have read it except that I needed something that didn’t require too much concentration at the height of the Covid haze and I — like most people who insisted on finishing their doctorate despite the abysmal academic job market — have a problem with the sunk cost fallacy, so once I got started I figured I might as well find out just how bad it got.
 Q: Don’t you have papers to grade?
 A: … Next question.
 Q: Aren’t you stepping out of your lane as an historian by reviewing historical fiction? You understand that it wasn’t intended for you, right?
 A: First of all, this is my blog, such as it is, and I do what I want. Even to the point of self-indulgence. Why else have a blog? Also, I did receive encouragement. XD;
 Second, while a lot of historians I respect consider that anything goes as long as it’s fiction and some even seem to think it’s beneath their dignity to acknowledge its existence, given the influence fiction has on people’s worldview I think they’re mistaken. Besides, this is the internet and no one here has any dignity to lose.
 Finally, this is not so much a review in the classic sense as a case study and a critical analysis of what went wrong here that a specialist is uniquely qualified to make, not because historians are the target audience, but because the target audience might get the impression that it’s not very good without being able to articulate why. To quote an old Lindsay Ellis video, “It’s not bad because it’s wrong, it’s bad because it sucks. But it sucks because it’s wrong.” Or, if you prefer, relying on lazy clichés and adopting or embellishing every lurid anecdote you come across is bound to come across as artificial, amateurish and unconvincing.
 This is especially offensive when you make grandiose claims about your novel’s feminist message and the “time and care” you supposedly put into your research.
 I also admit to having something of a morbid fascination with liberals creating reactionary media without realizing it, which this is also a textbook example of (if someone were to write a textbook on the subject, which they probably should).
 With that out of the way, what even is this book?
 The Basics
 It’s a collaboration between six historical novelists attempting to recount the French Revolution from the point of view of seven of its female participants. One of these novelists is in fact an historian herself, which is a little bit distressing, given that like her co-authors, she seems to consider people like G. Lenotre reliable sources. But then, she’s an Americanist and I’ve seen Americanists publish all kinds of laughable things about the French Revolution in actual serious works of non-fiction without getting called out because their work is only ever reviewed by other Americanists. So.
 Anyway, if you’re familiar with Marge Piercy’s (far superior, though not without its flaws) City of Darkness, City of Light, you might think, “ok, so it’s that with more women.” And you might think that that’s not so bad of an idea; Marge Piercy maybe didn’t go all the way with her feminist concept by making half the point of view characters men (though I’d argue that the way she frames how they view women was part of the point). It’s even conceivable that if Piercy had wanted to make all the protagonists women her publisher would have said no on the grounds of there not being a general audience for that. It was the 1990s, after all.
 Except the conceit this time is they’re all by different authors, we have some counterrevolutionaries in the mix, and instead of the POV chapters interweaving, each character gets her own chunk of the novel, generally about 70-80 pages worth, although there are a couple of notable exceptions. We’ll get to those.
 It’s accordingly divided as follows:
·      Part I. The Philosopher, by Stephanie Dray, from the point of view of salonnière, translator, miniaturist and wife of Condorcet, Sophie de Grouchy, “Spring 1786” to “Spring 1789”; Sophie de Grouchy also gets an epilogue, set in 1804
·      Part II. The Revolutionary, by Heather Webb, from the point of view of Reine Audu, Parisian fruit seller who participated in the march on Versailles and the storming of the Tuileries, 27 June-5 October 1789
·      Part III. The Princess, by Sophie Perinot, from the point of view of Louis XVI’s sister Élisabeth, May 1791-20 June 1792
·      Part IV. The Politician, by Kate Quinn, from the point of view of Manon Roland, wife of the Brissotin Minister of the Interior known for writing her husband’s speeches and for her own memoirs, August 1792-(Fall 1793 — no date is given, but it ends with her still in prison)
·      Part V. The Assassin, by E. Knight, which is split between the POV of Charlotte Corday, the eponymous assassin of Marat, and that of Pauline Léon, chocolate seller and leader of the Société des Républicaines révolutionnaires, 7 July-8 November 1793
·      Part VI. The Beauty, by Laura Kamoie, from the point of view of Émilie de Sainte-Amaranthe, a young aristocrat who ran a gambling den and who got mixed up in the “red shirt” affair and was executed in Prarial Year II, “March 1794”-“17 June 1794”
An *Interesting* Choice of Characters…
 Now, there are some obvious red flags in the line-up. I’m not sure, if you were to ask me to come up with a list of women of the French Revolution I would come up with one where 4/7 of the characters are nobles/royals — a highly underrepresented POV, as I’m sure you’re all aware — but fine. Sophie de Grouchy is an interesting perspective to include and Mme Élisabeth at least makes a change from Antoinette? And though the execution is among the worst (no pun intended) Charlotte Corday’s inclusion makes sense as she is famous for doing one of the only things a lay audience has unfortunately heard of in association with the Revolution.
 Reine Audu is actually an excellent choice, both pertinent and original. Credit where credit is due. Manon Roland and Pauline Léon are not bad choices either in theory, but given the overlap with Marge Piercy’s book, if you’re going to do a worse job, why bother? The inclusion of Sophie de Grouchy, while, again, not a bad choice, also kind of makes this comparison inevitable, as another of Piercy’s POV characters was Condorcet.
 But Émilie de Sainte-Amaranthe? I’m not saying you couldn’t write an historically grounded and plausible text from her point of view, but her inclusion was an early tip-off that this was going to be a book that makes lurid and probably apocryphal anecdotes its bread and butter.
 The absolute worst choice was to make Pauline Léon only exist — at best — as a foil to Charlotte Corday. (It turns out to be worse than that, actually. She’s less of a foil than a faire-valoir.)
Still, why does no one write a novel about Simone and Catherine Évrard (poor Simone is reduced to “Marat’s mistress” here, not just by Charlotte Corday, which is understandable, but also by Pauline Léon) or Louise Kéralio or the Fernig sisters or Nanine Vallain or Rosalie Jullien or Jeanne Odo or hell, why not one of the dozens of less famous women who voted on the constitution of 1793 or joined the army or petitioned the Convention or taught in the new public schools. Many of them aren’t as well-documented, but isn’t that what fiction is for?
Let’s try to be nice for a minute
There are things that work about this book and while the result is pretty bad, I think the authors’ intentions were good. Like, who could object to the dedication, in the abstract?
This novel is dedicated to the women who fight, to the women who stand on principle. It is an homage to the women who refuse to back down even in the face of repression, slander, and death. History is replete with you, even if we are not taught that, and the present moment is full of you—brave, determined, and laudable.
It’s how they go about trying to illustrate it that’s the problem, and we’ll get to that.
For now, let me reiterate that while I’m not a fan of the “all perspectives are equally valid” school of history or fiction — or its variant, “all *women*’s perspectives are equally valid” — and there are other characters I would have chosen first, it absolutely would have been possible to write something good with this cast of characters (minus making Charlotte Corday and Pauline Léon share a section).
The parts where the characters deal with their interpersonal relationships and grapple with misogyny are mostly fine — I say mostly, because as we’ll see, the political slant given to that misogyny is not without its problems. These are the parts that are obviously based on the authors’ personal experience and as such they ring true, if not always to an 18th century mentality, at least to that lived experience.
Finally, there are occasionally notes that are hit just fine from an historical perspective as well. The author of the section on Mme Élisabeth doesn’t shy away from making her a persistent advocate of violently repressing the Revolution. Manon Roland corresponds pretty well to the picture that emerges from her memoirs even if the author of her section does seem to agree with her that she was the voice of reason to the point of giving her “reasonable” opinions she didn’t actually hold.
I should also note that while the literary quality is not great, it’s not trying to be great literature and in any case, on that point at least, I’m not sure I could do better.
Ok, that’s enough being nice. Tune in next time for all the things that don’t work.
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hoe-doroki · 3 years
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Alright, friends, your local demi is going to take one last bow before ace week is up.
I’m going to talk about myself, because I the lived experience of ace and acespec people isn’t talked about enough and, well, this is the week to talk about it!
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s bring in a good ol’ frame of reference:
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78% pure. For those who don’t know this is the rice purity test, where high scores mean you haven’t participated in many “racy” activities and low scores mean you have.
First, let’s state that I don’t want to put too much stock on this test. Only 3/4 of the questions are about sex and dating while the remaining 1/4 is about alcohol, drugs, and illegal activity. (Part of the reason my score is so high is because I, unrelated to being acespec, don’t drink or smoke.) But, like I said, it’s a place to start.
Stats. I’m a 24-year-old woman. I am cisgender, straight, and demisexual/demiromantic (not asexual or aromantic). I have never had a boyfriend, I have never enjoyed kissing, I have never had sex.
Oof, and right away, I’m embarrassed saying that.
And that’s the whole problem.
(This post clocks in at ~1.6k, so the rest is under the cut. Trigger warning for suicidal ideation.)
Well, not my whole problem, haha, but it is why I’m bothering to talk about this instead of keeping it secret, like I prefer to. I want to dispel some myths that harm the way I view myself and keep me from being honest with others. Because I fear that when people look at me and hear “24-year-old virgin” they assume things about me that just aren’t true.
First thing’s first. The fact that I’m a virgin means nothing except that I have not had sexual intercourse with another person. There are no other assumptions to be made.
It hurts when people are surprised by this. I happen to fall mostly into the barbed categories of American conventional attractiveness, so when people hear that I have never had a boyfriend or that I’m a virgin, they assume there’s something wrong with me. Or that past men I’ve been around have missed an opportunity or something.
This is shitty on two levels. One, the assumption that my stats are the way they are because of some failure sucks. All it should be is a reflection of my agency and the fact that I am the queen of saying no. (In fact, it was my first word.) But then people are assuaged by the fact that I have, in fact, been approached for sex, as though that confirms for them the value that they assumed I had. As though that’s where any of my worth should be coming from.
Two, these assumptions, when flipped, imply that it would “make sense” for me to have my stats if I looked different or was less neurotypical.
Media--as it does--has played a role in these assumptions. I think about the characters who are “later-in-life virgins” and I think of Emma Pillsberry from Glee, who deals with extreme OCD and germophobia. Or Sheldon and Amy from The Big Bang Theory, the former of whom might very well be acespec and is likely on the autism spectrum as well, but who is shown to be very antisocial with many difficulties forming interpersonal relationships and the latter of whom comes from a very conservative family and a mother who ensured she couldn’t learn social skills until well into her thirties. Or the “what if” episode of Friends that basically asserts that Monica would have been too fat to get laid. Or The 40-Year-Old Virgin, which I don’t wish to talk about. (Oof, all such problematic examples)
And yes, these characters are all white (I am not) and that’s a discussion for another post better made by someone who is more of a media expert than me.
These characters are all portrayed to have something that “explains” why they haven’t yet had the privilege of having sex. And we see in movies like The 40-Year-Old Virgin, or a whole host of teen movies, that virginity is something to conquer--especially for male characters.
I don’t look how people expect virginity to look. I’ll be real--I have high self esteem. I think I’m awesome inside and out and I don’t see any reason why I should be shy about that. I know that if I wanted to have sex with a stranger, I could do it tonight (covid notwithstanding--be safe, friends).
And even if I were a different person who had less self confidence or looked different or came from a different background, that wouldn’t mean that I “deserve” to be a virgin or whatever it is media is telling us. Virginity still wouldn’t have a damn thing to do with the other things that make up a person.
So, louder for the people in the back: being a virgin doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with me.
Next point. Being a virgin doesn’t mean that I’m innocent, a prude, or that I’m “waiting for marriage.”
Gosh, I’ve been asked if I’m waiting for marriage too many times. Two things. 1. No. I’d rather know my sexual compatibility with a partner before marriage and 2. I’m an atheist. So no.
Also, I am not innocent or a prude.
My lack of experience makes me feel infantilized. It does. That’s a personal issue of mine and, ya’ll, I don’t have many answers for how to overcome it. But I have done what I can to change that.
Guys, some of the best choices I’ve made in my adulthood are the things I’ve done to reclaim my sexuality (meaning sexualness not orientation) for myself. Not gonna get super nsfw here, but I’ve invested in about a dozen sex toys and I intend to buy more. They always makes me feel so much more adult and sexy. And I’ve done things with them that I feel pretty confident that many of my sexually active, allosexual friends haven’t done. This kind of thing isn’t for everyone acespec, but it helps me reclaim my worth as a sexual being, without needing a partner to validate that.
I’m also fully valid to write erotica! I love erotica and it’s another way I take back my sexuality. It is just as valid for me to write as it is for anyone else. I am capable of research--both on my own body and from resources, experts, and classes. I don’t need to have had sex for my opinion to matter.
Oh, and being acespec has nothing to do with my sex drive. It seems that I have a libido that is either average or slightly above average--I’m also a person that the more I’m engaging with my libido, the higher it gets.
This often feels like a curse. I, unlike many, but not all, acespec people, strongly desire sex. Like, I’ve bundled up a 35-pound weighted blanket on top of myself whilst engaging in self-pleasure just to try and make the activity feel more partnered (pro tip: that didn’t work.) The truth is that I’m really sick of having to take care of my libido by myself and would much rather have a partner.
But it’s not easy.
I’ve tried online dating, guys. Many times. I can’t do it. That’s not true of all acespec individuals, but it is for me, at least right now. For me, my demisexuality means that the idea and experience of going out, even on a casual date, with someone I’m not already interested in is nearly intolerable. And my current lifestyle, for many reasons, doesn’t lend itself well to me naturally forming crushes.
I’ve only had one major crush in my life. And it was 10 years ago. So you understand the difficulty.
I hate being demisexual, guys. I do. I wish that I could write this post with the intent of spreading pride and positivity, but I can’t. That’s not where I’m truthfully at yet. I’m lonely to the point of suicidal ideation. I’m too young for it, but I’m already making contingency plans for freezing my eggs or trying to imagine a future where I could be a single mother and...I can’t yet reconcile it. I know that part of this is my dreams being created in society’s image, but all I’ve ever wanted is to be a wife and a mother. And it’s hard to see that future when I can only look at my past and see images of silicone and sexual repulsion.
Remember when I said I’ve never enjoyed kissing? I’ve had more stage kisses than “real” kisses and, I have to say, the staged ones were more enjoyable because at least I wasn’t forcing myself to do them. Forcing myself to try to kiss someone so that I could feel “normal.” Forcing myself to kiss someone just because I was curious about what it was other people were talking about. My first “real” kiss was at 20 years old and it was a night where I forced myself to do a lot of things for the sake of catching up with my peers and I’ve been deeply uncomfortable with that experience ever since, and I can only be grateful that I stopped it as early in the evening as I did.
Everyone’s experience is so different, ya’ll. I haven’t heard a story like mine before, so in no way can I claim it to be an experience that widely represents demisexuality. It certainly doesn’t represent asexuality, nor how queerness (or many other things) intersects with either of those things.
But, at the same time, I’ve never heard a story like mine before. Do you know how helpful it would have been to have been able to see a story like this a few years ago? Ten years ago? It would have been life changing. Because even though, in the middle of all that self-confidence I spouted off about paragraphs ago, there’s this kernel of self-hatred stuck in my teeth, I would have felt validated. I would have felt seen. I would have been able to DM someone who could have told me, hey, it hurts and I know no one seems to understand you, but I do.
That’s to say, if anyone is going through something similar and wants to talk about it, my DMs are always open. I’m no expert, and I bet some of the things I’ve said here aren’t going to hit some people right, but this is my experience. This is the most intimate part of my life. It is a privilege that I’m sharing this with you all, so please, hold it with care. I hope this means something to someone.
Happy ace week, ya’ll.
Oh, and the rice purity test doesn’t mean shit. It’s good fun if you want, but if it makes you feel any kind of way because your number is too low or too high, throw it away. That’s not where any part of your value comes from.
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hanabiira · 4 years
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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.
First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.
MUN NAME: Bunny   AGE: 26      CONTACT: IM & Discord
CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late. 
CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach 
BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  None that I’ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.
MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji. 
THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.
PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.
ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)
CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES (please do!) / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.
PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.
IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.
ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.
DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT
HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I
I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom) / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.
DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  
BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord there’s no reason to IM me really. I’m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop. 
WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if we’re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if it’s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I don’t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I don’t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then I’m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches. 
WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesn’t seem into it I’ll probably just drop it? I’m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp they’re not vibing with, it’s fine. 
HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever I’m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldn’t necessarily call it plotting because it doesn’t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever we’re trying to plan? 
WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I won’t be mad, just be like ‘hey can we drop this?’ and I’ll be like “cool”. I get that sometimes you just can’t find the words to reply to something and that’s ok. But just let me know so I’m not sitting there waiting for a reply I’m never going to get. 
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....can’t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped! 
- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.
IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.
- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something we’re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so don’t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they don’t hate you. 90% of us don’t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so.... 
ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, I’m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern I’m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as “criticism” that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me.  Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and they’re having fun I’m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! It’s one way to improve. 
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.
WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. I’m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I don’t profess myself to be much of a writer so I’m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I don’t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something that’s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasn’t always been something natural to me. 
WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than just “ooh, look at the pretty flowers” and it is not really something I’ve gotten to explore despite my time here. 
THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I don’t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I won’t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I don’t want to write it. 
WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?:  Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like the “why are you here”, “what are you doing”, “who are you” sorts of starters. They’re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time! 
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  That’s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck . 
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I can’t realistically see her meeting or running into. 
WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once I’m in I’m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if that’s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr I’m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe??? 
WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say I’m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely can’t write when I’m mentally exhausted. It won’t happen. So there may be times where you just won’t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also don’t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just can’t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lol 
DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS.
DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.
- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and I’m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me.  And I also don’t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, I’m down for a good smut thread. 
- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I’m pretty vanilla and I didn’t really give Miki anything that’s really nonstandard. I’m not going to shame anyone for what they’re into or their characters but there’s just kinks I couldn’t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though. 
ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO 
WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO. Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.  
DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).
ARE YOU:  Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse.
- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: 
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant). 
► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.
- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?:  Miki is unique, I’d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldn’t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. I’m not saying necessarily that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetique™ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface level “I like flowers” aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways. 
- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Again, ones that I can’t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive. 
- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed. 
- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes. 
- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor. 
- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff. 
- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves. 
- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother. 
- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  It’s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if it’s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else. 
- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people. 
IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  Just roll up on her. She’s easily found in her barracks. 
SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.
CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥
Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there. 
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infuseddopamine · 3 years
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FML
Let’s just say what I want to say now.
1. So last week I just had a session with a therapist for the first time. I like the experience and I’m very surprise how she successfully address the real issue very clearly in a way that I cannot think of. So yea, I might want to come back next month. Basically I can conclude that the source of my ‘sadness’ is because of my burnt-out with the job. Because my work already took over my personal life, where I don’t get the time to actually dealing with my personal things. Kinda true. I really don’t know what to do beside working during this pandemic tho. So ye, work work work like there’s no tomorrow. I’m learning to get my life back together, strictly put work and personal time schedule, making sure I got the balance and can do it naturally without me being too strict about it anymore in the long run.
2.  Mom is crazy. I’m valid about this. She just likes the drama so much like when things going well, she suddenly turns away and makes this massive drama. So she’s upset because I’m not allowing her to take a visit to my place. My reason is very valid, VERY VALID, I’m not feeling comfortable to ask my family to visit my place when I still have a housemate. Come on. I won’t be comfortable if her parents come to our place as well. Like, can you share me the log in and out of places your parents visit 2 weeks before so I can make sure that you’re not in a covid-glazed situation? You’re not driving with your private car as well, you take grabcar right. Why can’t she understand the situation. She’s crazy.
Okay now let’s take a look on how she perceives things. She’s upset because she can’t come here. But she’s upset because of what? Is it because she misses me? No. She actually said she’s upset because I’m not allowing her to come here, like, I’m not allowed to say no to her. So let’s take a deeper analysis. Why she’s upset that I say no to her, that I set boundaries. Because then she doesn’t own me? Or because she doesn’t have a close relationship with me, which is true, how come she thinks the other way around? So she’s in denial then that’s my fault? I mean who makes this kind of situation in the first place? She’s the one who neglected me first when I was just a kid. I won’t blame her because of that tho, because I actually thank her so much because of that I have the liberty and independency of taking care of myself. But still, how come she has the audacity to think that she can still have a close relationship with me. Or what, she’s upset because she thinks I’m not having the life that she accepts, like a religious way. Come on, back to the previous statement, she doesn’t own me. Even if there are heaven and hell, it will be MY problem. Just let me have a life. I will take care of myself, you’re not really responsible yourself when you’re young. Let me make my mistake and learn from it (of course not in a religious way).
The thing is I’m already so tired with everything. Like mentally draining, yes so far I don’t encounter any difficult problems at work, but still, I’m tired. Why don’t people just let me rest and take a breath. It feels like the bacot definition
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paraclete0407 · 3 years
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1. Staring to think the FSB really did ‘accidentally’ lose track of some material and maybe that is the next step in the Covid era
2. ‘Chain of care / adoption / ownership’ - whose kid belongs to whom, fighting with colleagues over my piano-teacher’s four daughters and one son, they all seemed happy.  ‘That’s a reason to hate’ - it was a long time ago, however, and the nature of the hate has changed.  I no longer know domestic attitudes and probably there are few adoptions going on at all.  Maybe nowadays everyone’s happy and have the same values.  
I feel woozy and beyond horrible that I haven’t lived up to my own and may have contributed to misunderstanding rather than understanding.  I pray that the details I share will give a bass-note of sorts but I sincerely feel conflicted about educational philosophy particularly w/r/t teaching dark things to children at a young age rather than teach biblical values with some kind of rigorous but kind system or embody these values tacitly(?).  We learned about Shoah, abortion, WWII Pacific.
3. ‘Love-stories that begin with movies’ - and yet, I heard music (’Sheep May’).
4. ‘A Millionaire’s First Love’ - give everything at once, a vow, a strong hand.  I might have made a mistake in my lack of preparation or in not continuing to give.
5. ‘The Bridge of Life.’  ‘Scholar-David’ trying to be some kind of scholar, I examine the paradigms, Confucius, New Testament, later Old Testament, old and new - ‘keeping the old alive.’  Emerson says the scholar of one candle understands the desires of others but it seems a dangerous idea.  Trying to figure out others’ minds all the time is catering if not communism or manipulation.  I preferred the other one who knew what to say or decided that they could speak without having to explain why they were saying what they were saying but perhaps this too is fiction.  I said something about knowing someone else’s dream and BigBoss got mad at me, what do you know about love, boy - I thought he was being prideful but in retrospect I couldn’t judge, maybe.
I also judged myself - ‘disappointed.’  ‘You do not have the right to judge!’  Eating some vegetables.  I don’t know why I said that but in retrospect was possibly trying a kind of maneuver to show someone something.  I was happy or satisfied.
6. History was still going on.  When _ _ put their hands on my trapezius or neck-muscles or so, this sad-eyed person who in retrospect as not as vulnerable as I was or at least not as feckless, I was reading in the NYT about Raqqa, this distant darkness.  What a horrible name, to my ear.  It’s very old.  Their leader is so ugly.  Trump said he died crying which is something to say but I would bet a person like that - I just don’t know what I don’t know; I’m a child of the ‘90s;  The ‘EJE’ of bin Laden, the people partying outside the White House making me think of Return of the Jedi to be honest.  Ewoks.  Years later Director Brennan writes about how pleased he is that real, ordinary, every day Americans are chanting, ‘CIA!  CIA!’  Brennan lived in Egypt, studied Arabic.  It was also JSOC though a lot of people think about DEVGRU, ST6.  This amazing NYT phoo of the ‘operator’s back-muscles amid this gear, later talking with my med school dropout friend about how the SEALs shoot off more ammunition in markmanship-training than like the entire Marine Corps to achieve expertise but then it’s the NYT and they ill say anything that sounds like, ‘CCP deserves to rule the world due to hard work / culture of achievement / Xiang Yu decapitating himself after killing tens of thousands of innocent villages just to get the arcade record or sth’ and I read One Bullet Away and the officer there ignited a lot of propellant(?) as well to make sure he had the highest qualification for his men.   McRaven with the ‘devil horns’ at his speech - I’m a McChrystal fundamentalist I think he should ‘kill everyone.’  If medicine- and food-dist fail as I think they might who’s gonna manage stuff the Postal Service?  I felt like what’s even going on in his head all the time, 20-hour day, work out with men half his age, 60-page report, one meal.  Feel I could do that if I had a ‘place.’  I keep hearing ‘Diffugere Nives’ in my head - ‘say to thy soul’ - I hate that; I’m not Greco-Roman; I want to be post-heroic; I don’t want to participate in war; I don’t even want to go to soi disant ‘professional school’ b/c the people seem burned out and sad to put it too simplistically, I have no idea what they’ve seen.  S’hai-1 who was ‘an aurora; White Goddess’ (again I hate to use non-Christian figures of speech but perhaps one could call her a ‘viatrix?’ - traveler? - Yeats ‘pilgrim soul’ - someone trying to carry a baby to safety or carry a destiny?) at 24 in NYC and of whom I wondered during Covid what kind of valley of the shadow she was passing through now she seems like a child.  I was reflecting, ‘The psychopathology of the Millennial Generation, the situation, becoming a child then an adult then a child again’ but IDK if that is everyone or just my mom or whatever happened with Taeyeon between ‘Purpose’ (my wife who is also my co-educational-administrator at work / Math Dept. Head Ancient and world Languages Dept. Head or ‘Chief of Staff’) then with ‘What Do I Call You’ that I am thinking, ‘Egad and Mein Gott this is about confirmation of religious identity,’ and how in the future people will value (non-productive or what psychoanalysts might call ‘aim-inhibited’) interactions or presence. That is why my friend’s internet-friend is in ‘Obama’s dream’ with some kind of caffeinated cold beverage - why I think about ‘You Love Me’ as a kind of ‘Min Jin Lee chapter title’ where it is like, oh you love me.  Cagey people, holding their cards, saying stuff lke John Green novels where they seem not sure if they are talking about love, living a story, experience, realization.  I respect John Green, and wondered for a time why my YAL ‘Reading Interests of Adolescents’ professor didn’t like him till I figured out that ‘Alaska’ is kind of like ‘let’s consume women + let’s be degen adventurers’ and ‘Fault in Stars’ appears to posit r/Romantic couple-love as well as teens teaching other teens as some valid defiance of the world.  My old classmates liked to ‘Braveheart’ in the backyard talking about fighting; I remember the execution-scene and how the French princess is like, ‘your son is le cuckold! - Franco-Scottish blood will prevail!’  (A decade or more later the notorious album Exodus 2004 said, ‘Can you and I start mixing gene-pools / Eastern Western people get naughty multilingual’ The sex-as-defiance trope is ubiquitous ‘Three Days of Condor.’  ‘The Terminator’ (’Terminator 1′) I guess is more high-minded and less ‘70-s-self-involved or stuck in its own time than ‘Condor’ in that the child actually does save the world later on or at least get rid of some machines. 
I now wish that I had spent less time trying to be normal or looking at the other couples at RU and more time working on ‘2003′ as I felt like I understood more what would happen when two people set out to ‘create’ or ‘own’ their own existence / life in a time where identity and personal interests were under attack or being overdetermined or driven or appropriated or conscripted by governmental and social developments such as the Iraq War whereby I felt all the worthwhile women were just looking for men at arms and the rest were ‘sub-culture; the anime club.’  I hesitated between two spheres as I felt that one had obvious impact, the other authenticity.  
I believed in ‘soft sci f’ for a long time and pared down my ambitions over time by diluting them with ‘Updikeana’ as I call it or ‘Austeneana’ or any kind of pathos or sympathy or showing of characters’ weakness or lack of virtue.  IDK if ought to publish this but 2016 I decided to delete everything and was onl left with ‘To Have Everything’ ad one other thing; THE was about nuclear terrorism and divorce basically.  I guess was already partaking of frankly the pleasures of evil - t’d be great if our dreams didn’t come true and instead many people died and our love-systems failed due to our greed or impatience or mismanagement or engaging targets of opportunity.  I again was writing ‘naively’ and didn’t know what I meant or why, was only concerned with the one and beauty and whatever ‘resonance’ it had with my own feelings or soul; I was interested in the way that people grow apart not only through physical distance at times but through divergent interests or at least that I could tell at the time, though, in retrospect I feel as if everyone were feeling or believing the same fundamental things and even understood that there would be a pandemic.  
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ntandosindanesays · 3 years
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Annual Postgraduate Research Indaba 2020 – Keynote Address
Theme: Accelerating online research support of postgraduate studies in the wake of Sustainable Development Goals Program director, Professor Lindiwe Zungu, Principal and Vice-Chancellor, Professor Mandlenkosi Makhanya, President of the National SRC, comrade Wadzanai Mazhetese, and your leadership collective, Members of the organising committee of this year’s Postgraduate Indaba, Fellow students, comrades and friends, members of Unisa family, Lotjhani, I should wish to begin this address by thanking the National SRC, particularly comrade Lucas Mamabolo, for approaching me to present this year’s key-note address. I do not take this invitation lightly because I understand what it means to be given audience in this fashion. I am thus extremely thankful.
The first thing that I noticed when the draft program was sent to me is that, with the notable exception of Mr Ayanda Noma, I am the only person on the list of speakers that does not have either the “Prof” or “Dr” title. Under normal circumstances, this should have me feeling somewhat overawed and intimidated, but in this instance it has me accepting that perhaps this is crucial to set the tone for today’s address. In so saying, I am humbled as a postgraduate student that I am given an opportunity to address you, because it is validation of the calls that some of us having been making for a while now – that in the quest to decolonise higher education, and transform the university we should engage in a project that de-centers longstanding hegemonic orders, these include the colonial logic that has students as perpetual juniors and academics their automatic seniors in the University setting. Among other things, I think that this is mostly the best time to be addressing you because the release of my Masters of Law exam results is still fresh, and thus the postgraduate experience is still fresh too. This is an experience that I would want to briefly talk about as I get into discussing this year’s theme of “Accelerating online research support of postgraduate studies in the wake of Sustainable Development Goals”.
I enrolled for this LLM degree in the second semester of 2017, wherein I immediately registered for the research proposal module. I passed the research proposal module in February 2018 thereafter began with the dissertation, which I ultimately submitted in February 2020. Today I stand (well I am actually sitting, thanks to Covid lockdown) before you a Master of Law. Well, at this point I expect you to be applauding because what I told you sounds like a success story. But, if you are not applauding that is also fine because I am about to briefly paint a much bleaker picture behind the proverbial Masters success. I do this with the intention to bring to the consciousness of the room that there are hurdles to cross first before we accelerate online support. Unfortunately, most of these hurdles have nothing to do with actual research work or the tasks expected from a postgraduate student, but are a product of the University’s shoddy admin systems. I repeat, and emphasize, “Shoddy admin systems”! Even more unfortunate, these hurdles are not of the fault or cause of the student but solely of the university.
More than a year ago, the university migrated from physical submissions to online submissions of M&D dissertations. By January of this year, I was ready to submit my dissertation, and the M&D department (as well as the college of graduate studies) had provided me with the magic link to submit the dissertation but the link simply could not work. I was frustrated, so much that in the end I was not able to submit through the link. I had to mount a huge fight, send various heavily-worded emails, and swear at a few people before an alternative arrangement could be made for me to finally submit the dissertation by way of an email to one of the managers at the M&D department.
The dissertation currently reads that it was submitted in January 2020, but it was actually submitted in February following the impi of Isandlwana. The implication of this administrative blooper is the final academic record now suggests that I finished my studies in 2020 academic, when I actually did so in 2019. I had thought that the war is over, after submission when I was told that I should be able to get feedback from examiners within 6 weeks, little did I know that I would have to wait close to 7 months before the results were released. Even their release did not come without controversy – Again, I had to behave like a lunatic, calling people, sending a thousand emails and throwing in a few threats here and there. All of this culminates in a very terrible experience, weighing negatively on my social and emotional wellbeing.
My story is not unique – my colleague Mutondi Maluleke (not her real name, because of obvious reasons), submitted her LLM dissertation in labour law in March of 2020. She submitted this dissertation almost 4 months after having been dumped by two supervisors owing to one going on AQIP leave, and the latter resigning from the university. As a result, she had to fend for herself, and submit the dissertation without a supervisor. Just last week, I am told that the department responsible for her Master’s degree has lost her LLM file, as a result they do not know who her Non-Examining Chair is, who her examiners are, and whether or not the actual dissertation went out to them. The only response the department could give her, was that she should re-submit. I cannot begin to imagine the trauma and anguish that Mutondi is going through right now. Mutondi and I are not alone. We have another colleague, Mr Solomon Maake (not his real name) – he submitted his LLM in Public International Law with me in February 2020. After more than 7 months of waiting for his results, he tells me just two days ago that last week that the M&D department (and college of graduate studies) communicated with him, letting him know that it is only now that they are appointing his panel of examiners. The likelihood is that, if he is lucky, he might get his results next year. I cannot imagine the sheer mental abuse that Solomon is going through right now.
Mr Vice-Chancellor, I am relaying these stories to you because I want us to have a deepened conversation about the first part of today’s theme. In the phrase “accelerating online support”, I want us to specifically focus on the word “accelerating”, not its etymological foregrounding, neither its epistemic nor ontological possibilities, but instead its metaphorical realities. Those of you who know how to drive a car would know that before it can accelerate, there are a few things that should happen. First, you have to get into the car, place the key in the ignition, switch it on, start the engine and wait for it to warm up. Once the engine is warm, you then apply all gears accordingly, so you place gear one, then gear two, right up to the 5th gear – only then can you realistically accelerate. For those of you who do not know how to drive, I invite you instead think of a bicycle. Imagine that before you can realistically accelerate on a bicycle you need to first take off, be on a constant speed, then increase the speed accordingly. But program director, let us focus on the car metaphor for now, and specifically on the 5 gears that have to be chronologically engaged before the car can accelerate. Apply this metaphor directly to Unisa. Because I am a lawyer, allow me to “Put it to you” that the Unisa vehicle, has not only failed to engage gear 1, but the car is off and the engine is cold. What I am saying that is that we have no business even talking about acceleratingonline support when the vehicle that we are supposed to accelerate is off, let alone on gear 1.
Mr Vice-Chancellor, as regards support for postgraduate students, I argue that Unisa is a 5 –gear vehicle, and these gears are as follows,
 Gear 1: Functional, effective, responsive, sensitive and student-centred M&D administration that primarily responds to all student queries via either phones or by emails. The University has to get this right, because at the rate we are going, we are not too far from Home Affairs horrors, or traffic department corruption, where citizens are expected to bribe traffic department officials before they can get proper service. It may sound alarmist and largely dramatic, but that is where Unisa is headed.
 Gear 2: Decisive, indiscriminate and consistent consequence management for all those lazy bums that put our university into disrepute by thinking that they are on holiday when they are supposed to be doing their jobs. I am a former trade unionist, so it is does not come easily to me to suggest that the University should take harsh measures against its lazy employees, but it is something that has to happen. Fire the rotten rubbish, and get people that work and appreciate the value of efficient service.
 Gear 3: Having a deepened appreciation of the digital migration before toying with things such as 4th IR. Sometimes I laugh mischievously when I hear some members of management talking about the 4th IR as if it is something that the university understands. The reality is that we are nowhere near talking about the 4th because we’ve failed to fully grapple with the 3rd. Where are the gadgets that you promised students? Why are some of your academics using laptops that they received in 2012? How do you expect the university to function online when your online systems are constantly failing.
 Gear 4: Stop paying lip service to the Grow Your Own Timber(GYOT) program. Train properly, emphasize on working mentorship programs,careerpath and a promise of jobs for performing and meritorious students. There are a few postgraduate students like me in the GYOT program, who finished their Masters degree in record time, and also published two research outputs in two different academic journals yet I am unemployed. It shows how scandalous and ineffective the GYOT program is, because it grows the timber then when it is grown, it throws it away. Mr Vice-Chancellor, this is something that you need to pay attention to.
 Gear 5: Reverse. Because a car without reverse button is useless.
Only when you have applied all these gears that you can begin to imagine accelerating. For now, the car is still off. We need to put the key in the ignition, switch it on, start the engine and apply all the gears accordingly.
I thank you once more for inviting me to deliver this Key-Note address, I bid you well wishes for this Postgraduate Indaba, may it be a success, and I do certainly hope that your discussions will reflect deeply on this stagnant vehicle. Ngithokoza kakhulu, uMabhoko sindeni, uMabhoko usinde mhla kunethuli, mhla kunganathuli kuyaliwa!
Thank you and Good Morning.
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dumb-rabbit · 3 years
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aight, rant incoming
Distance learning is so fucking hard to me I hate it so much, I don’t know anyone from uni who I could ask for help when i don’t get stuff, it takes me way longer to get anything done because I’m distracted all of the time, I spend a week doing one task I’m late on and am immediately late for the next one, I feel super stressed even though my workload isn’t all that much but I still can’t finish it, I just managed to catch up on studying for one subject and felt like I got it and started the exercises for this week but I don’t understand them at all. And if I even miss a single point in that subject I’m failing it which i suppose is just what’s happening now. So hey at least that workload is off my shoulders! But it still just sucks, I wasted all week on that. And then thought I’d just spend the evening doing something I enjoy, because I spent the last few days trying to learn how to rig live2d models but I don’t understand exactly what parameters I need for facerig and there may be a ton of video tutorials out there but I don’t have the patience for video tutorials that explain stuff in whatever order they deem fit, and all skip out on exactly the details I need, and I need very detailed explanations or else I just can’t do shit. Like I can assume what parameters mean but I hate assuming! I want to know! And it feels like everyone thinks it’s obvious but it’s not! And i just want a detailed documentation but there is none, there’s links from years ago that lead to what was a documentation but is now an error page!  I need to understand exactly how that stupid program functions before I can use it. I do not want tutorials that explain how to do thing x before explaining everything used in thing x. It just confuses me. But that’s all I can find. I just feel real shitty rn because I’m running into a wall for both uni and personal entertainment and I hate it so much. My mental health has been getting worse and I looked up therapists but it’s all made so much harder than it has to be because you can either look for ones that have spots paid for by national insurance, or you can look for anything else so I can either comb through therapists that specialise on everything I don’t need or throught ones that could help me but are mostly too expensive. Besides, I really want to get tested for autism, and diagnosis is free at any therapist, but that is as long as you get a referral from a general health practitioner (which is intended to exclude physical causes and applies to every single diagnostic progress, but what exactly would be a physical cause for autism-like behaviour??? Oh the only reason I’ve been hyperfocussing on specific interests and been a social misfit all my life is my low bone density????) and that would have been doable with my old doctor who is a very nice woman and that is the only reason I ever went to see her (which is not a lot! Like 4 times in the last 10 years and 2 times because I needed a doctors note saying I’m sick and 1 time because my chronic stomach issues had me anxious to the point I thought they might kill me and 1 time as a follow up on that) but I moved and I’m too nervous to see my new doctor. Especially now with covid that you need to call ahead. My old doctor did give me a referral but I don’t know if I can usee it because it’s valid 30 days and she specifically didn’t write a date so I could take my time but I don’t know if I can just fill it in myself??? That feels immensely illegal. Plus having to call at most places which I am utterly incapable of doing. Though, I actually installed an app for university that includes a feature to contact a mental health professional over chat at a discount, but I wouldn’t even know what to say. Like, I feel bad and small inconveniences make me cry. That’s nothing. How are you even supposed to help someone with that. Headpats and a “there, there”? The only reason I’m not giving up on finishing uni and looking for a job halfway into the first semester is because I have a shimmer of hope that it’ll be better after corona, but when is that? Next semester, next year, next decade? I feel so exhausted. Like, literally. I usually feel like collapsing in the evening. And then I stay up a little longer and go to bed at an okay time and don’t fall asleep for hours. I need a break but living costs money and I don’t have any.
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