#the problem is i don’t think she realises how insanely loud it is. because i’ve never run anywhere in my life and i also don’t slam doors

[ava-mxx-blog]

Identifying my strengths and weaknesses and why thats so important to do!

Today I have decided to discuss and analyse my strengths that I have acquired, and learning needs I need to develop on to achieve what I require in university and to meet needs within future jobs. I believe having a lot of strengths is important, but the main thing is to have strengths that I’m very strong in even if it’s only a few however I also believe that gaining new strengths is important too for making me stand out in working environments especially also to improve my work efficiency and many other reasons.

I took a quiz to identify my strengths and weaknesses during one of my personal development seminars in university, it made me realise how I personally priorities specific strengths over others and tend to neglect working on issues I’m not as good at because of my anxiety and fear of failure, which I will discuss both in this blog.

My strengths that I believe are of most importance (because I believe they will make a difference in all situations I’m in) are: I’m very observant which I find extremely important for all environments especially in work settings since I find it easier to anticipate what’s going to happen around me such as, when I worked in a shop I could notice behavioural problems easy and try and diffuse the situation because personally, I find it difficult to work in an environment where there’s tension and an obvious hierarchy it demotivates me and makes it a stressful and high anxiety place. I’m not a good leader but having qualities like being observant and being able to observe people’s feelings and changes in their attitude is extremely important to me, I think because I’m such an over-thinker its almost built in me to observe everyone else’s emotions closely, because I’m shy, I don’t talk, I watch and listen a lot which is helpful when learning, which happened a lot in school I'd tend to be able to notice when a teacher felt anxious in a loud class a lot more than the louder less observant student would, which made me pay attention to the teacher more so they knew somebody was listening because I know personally I would be shaking and near tears if that was me and I had no control over a bunch of loud kids.

My main weakness that I will definitely work on is public speaking which is funny since it taps into my main strength too however it’s a vital and extremely useful strength for everyday life and working environments. I find it extremely fascinating and remarkable when someone has the confidence to get up in a room full of people and speak or even just to voice their opinion in front of a couple of people because for me it’s impossible. My auntie does public speaking a lot and I admire her confidence and passion and when I watch her, she gains an audience’s respect and makes people have trust in her. When I’ve had to do public speaking and presentations, I’ve had panic attacks and walked in the room thinking I’m going to faint which increases the issue and ruins my performance making it get worse until I’m messing up words and talking very fast and feeling like I look insane to the people around me.

In upcoming months, I will need to start public speaking more often and I can start little by little by just not letting my more confident friends speak for me in public situations like I usually do, I need to stop relying on other people to speak for me. Then later move more into managing my public speaking by focusing on not shying away from answering questions in university and then this will all come together to eventually build my confidence over time for the bigger public speaking’s like presentations.

#strengths #strengths and weaknesses #weaknesses #university

[thedeadsparrow]

Seeing things.

This is my first fanfiction I’ve posted, so uh- have this.

(Swearing!!)

Henry’s POV:

I woke up around noon.

I think.

I forgot.

I rubbed my eyes. Camilla had gone home early, so had not slept round mind, which I was upset about, but not so much. I looked out the window of my room, and it was snowing heavily. I don’t know how long I’d been asleep, as the snow had set fairly well, and was atleast a few inches deep.

Rolling out of bed, I pulled up my silken trousers (for sleep use, of course) and stretched slightly. I could hardly see, and had to put on my glasses to realise how utterly dishevelled I appeared. My head hurt, and the only thing I think that would keep me from throwing up right now was about a pint of coffee.

The living room was cold, and I almost tripped over the rug when I heard a jolly voice say, “Morning, good pal! You slept for a while!”

“Bunny, honestly, don’t you knock?” I said, lugging myself over to the counter, where he leaned, sipping a cup of coffee. He pushed another towards me.

“One spoonful of sugar?” I looked up at him.

“Of course, what friend would I be if I didn’t remember that.” He said, smirking.

I couldn’t stop myself from letting out a chuckle. “Sorry I didn’t open the door, I was…”

“Sleeping?”

“Yeah.”

He took a long, exaggerated sip of his drink. I looked over, and took time to notice his new blazer.

He smirked. “Yeah, I know. Got it. Whatever I want, I could get.”

I laugh. “You didn’t use my money?”

“Not anymore, old friend…”

There was a knock at the door.

Bunny stayed there, he turned pale. “You alright, Bun?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. Mhm…go answer that, I uh- I need the bathroom.” He placed down the mug carefully. I had never seen him this cautious and…unenthusiastic. I thought when the time would come, it’d be more satisfying.

I walked over, and opened the door. Francis looked me up and down. “Holy Christ, when was the last time you showered?”

I shook my head, ushering him in. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you look filthy.”

“I just woke up.”

“Just?” He turned round to me, raising his eyebrows.

I nodded, sitting down at the sofa. “What do you mean ‘just’?”

“I went to sleep and woke up. I really don’t see why that’s such a problem, Francis?”

“Because you’ve literally been skipping classes, that’s what!”

I let out a cold laugh. “I haven’t.”

“Camilla’s been dead worried!”

“Camilla was here just last night.”

Francis laughed, dryly. “No she wasn’t. Her and the others were at MINE last night.”

I stood up again. “Bullshit.”

“Bullshit?! Bullshit. You’ve been on your own all  this time, and haven’t bothered telling us?”

I looked round, sighing. “Bunny came round this morning! He’s just in…” Francis cut me off with a loud scoff. “Sorry? What was that for?”

“Bunny?”

“Yes…Bunny?”

“Bunny? You mean…Edmund Corcoran?”

I nod again. “God, what did you eat for breakfast Henry! Are you mentally deficient?”

I roll my eyes. “Oh fuck off, Abernathy!”

I heard footsteps from the bathroom and looked over, to see Bunny leaning against the door frame. “Carrot Top!”

Francis seems to ignore him. “Look, Henry.”

“Come over here Bunny.”

Francis furrows his brows. “What?”

Bunny takes a few steps towards me. “God, are you ignoring me? Is this a game? Oh, what game! What game!” I try to ignore the pained expression on both Bunny’s and Francis’s face.

Francis shook his head. “This isn’t something to fucking joke about, Henry.”

“I’m not joking.”

Bun took a step forward, and stood infront of Francis, before pulling faces (he may have been the oldest of us all, but he surely wasn’t the most mature.)

“Francis??? Francois. France. Paris. Carrot Top?” Bunny kept saying, over and over. “Bunny shut it!” I shouted.

Francis shook his head, “Right, I’m going to go. You’re off your fucking head.” He turned on his heal, and swung open the door.

“Wait, Francis, I’m not-“ He slammed the door behind him.

I turned to Bunny. “You’re a fucking twat, you know that right?”

Bunny gasped. “OI! I didn’t do anything!”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh shut the fuck up Bunny!”

He frowned and mumbled under his breath. “I didn’t even do anything.”

“Yes, you did! You’re driving me fucking insane. For once in your life, SHUT UP.”

He looked at me, before grinning. His smile quivered, and his eyes turned slightly red. “Okay then.” He sat down on the sofa. “Go Fish?”

“What?”

“Do you want to play a game of Go Fish?”

I sighed. “Didn’t you just take in anything I just said.” “Yeah. And no. But I wanna play!”

“Fine! Fine.” I slumped down beside him.

He dealt out the cards, and we played for what felt like hours on end. He won a few. I won a lot. But he didn’t seem to mind, he just sat there, and chewed the inside of his lip.

We got distracted by another knock on the door. I called, “It’s open!”

Bunny pointed at me and placed down his cards. “We’ll finish this later.”

I looked over, to see Camilla closing the door. She looked at me, looking fairly nervous. “Hey sweetheart-.” She look at the cards in my hand. “Who are you playing with..?”

“Bunny, of course. Who else?”

Bunny shoots me a grin.

Her eyes start to water, and she puts a hand to her mouth, shaking her head.

“What?”

She kept shaking her head.

“Camilla, are you okay?”

“She’ll be fine, she’s just getting emotional.” Bunny said quickly.

I shot him a look, before standing up and going over to her, pulling her into a hug. “Hey…Mils, what is it?”

She looked up at me, her bottom lip quivering. “Henry…he’s dead.”

“What?”

“Bunny…”

I shook my head, pulling away. “But- but he’s right there.” I pointed over at Bunny. His face was also pale.

Camilla shook her head again. “Henry.”

I looked back round. Bunny had stood up, and now was walking towards me. He stood right infront of me, his eyes red, swollen, and his cheeks as rosy as ever.

“I’m sorry…” He said.

I couldn’t even respond.

“Henry…I- I didn’t want you to realise what had actually happened and-.”

“Who killed him? How did he die?” I turned back to Camilla, looking desperate. “Who did it, Camilla?!”

“Henry…it was- it was-.” She let out a choked gasp.

“It was you.” Bunny responded.

I looked back round at him. “What?”

“You. You did it.”

“No- but-.”

His hand lifted, and I flinched, expecting him to slap me, but I felt the warmth of his hand gently meet my cheek, his thumb moving over it. “I suppose this is goodbye.”

I shook my head over and over, my glasses steaming, my vision blurry now. “Bunny, please.”

“Atleast I’ll be able to say I beat Henry Winter in a game of Go Fish, aye, good pal?”

I turned back to Camilla, shaking my head, my face turning cold. I looked back at Bunny, ready to apologise, but he was gone.

tagging people cause yeah: @therealfrancisabernathy @therealhenrywinter @therealcharlesmacaulay @therealcamillamacaulay @thereal-richardpapen @cupiiid @scarletblakeney @chaos-is-my-king

#the secret history #bunny corcoran #henry winter #francis abernathy #fanfiction

[anntoldst0ries]

Coda (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart 3, Chapter 7 Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count: 3.1k Rating: 18+ (NSFW) Summary: Things got heated between Dr Ramsey and Dr Valentine during Bloom’s event. Will they finish what they’ve started?

Warning: This fic contains adult content, don’t read if you’re a minor.

A/N: Happy Easter, folks! So, let’s pretend this horror of a dress (which, let’s be honest, even Bloom’s PA wouldn’t wear) never happened. Also, this is my first time ever publishing NSFW fic, so please be understanding 🙈 That being said, I always appreciate feedback and am forever grateful for all of you, because you help me grow 💜

Huge shoutout to Bree @jamespotterthefirst who was so lovely to pre-read it and actually encouraged me to post, girl you are golden and I just cannot thank you enough! We are all so lucky to have you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😍

Even though he was trying to be sensible about this, every molecule of sense left him during his left palm’s chance encounter with Noelle Valentine’s bare thigh.

But has anything about their touching bodies ever been truly accidental?

Although, if he was honest, this was just the culmination point.

His rational mind’s death by a thousand cuts.

It all started when she entered the premises of the venue in her provocative dress and he had to blink rapidly a few times, thinking that his eyes were deceiving him, breath trapped in his throat.

Cut.

Her every step gracious and light, as if she’s been the human embodiment of a wood nymph.

As if she’s stolen the world's entire allure.

Cut.

Her silky waves, cascading like a waterfall - he wanted to dive into them, lose himself in them.

Drown in them.

Cut.

She was a prodigy, a goddess descending from mount Olympus, who, for some mysterious reason, decided to grace the mortals with her overwhelming presence.

Some guests were standing agape, the others smiled wide and showered her with rain of compliments; a few people had tiny lightnings of jealousy flickering in their eyes.

But no one was left indifferent by her grand entrance.

Strangely, Ethan didn’t feel jealousy.

In fact, he couldn’t be more proud.

His eyes, like x-rays, have relentlessly been reminding him of the perfect shapes hiding under the layers of the sophisticated, silky material. In this regard, he envied everyone else. Unlike him, imagination was all they had.

He knew. He touched. He teased. He tasted. He caressed.

Sometimes, ignorance was truly a bliss.

Today, ignorance was certainly not going to help him get through this evening.

* * * * * *

He almost lost it on the balcony.

Then, the sudden appearance of musicians interrupted them.

He wasn’t startled.

He was angry.

Freaking Bloom and his jazz band, he thought to himself. How on earth was he constantly able to rain on Ethan’s parade, even when they weren’t physically in the same room?

Noelle’s pearly laugh dissipated all thoughts in an instant, her impossibly beautiful face now turned to him. Entwining their hands, Ethan knew he had no choice but to play along.

Inside, he was laughing out of the other side of his mouth.

They were coming back to the room full of buffoons and right now her presence was as comforting as it was driving him further into insanity.

Before he was even able to sit down, someone has already slipped a drink into his hand and when Ethan was ready to sigh and curse the fate that sent him to Bloom’s 4th circle of hell*, a sudden realisation struck him.

This evening wasn’t lost yet.

In fact, it wasn’t lost at all.

And as he was thinking, a small smile ran past his lips.

The answer was right there in front of him.

* * * * * *

“Dr Ramsey, you’re still here?” Ethan had heard the unwanted and all too loud voice, followed by an even more unwanted pat on the back, accompanied by his nemesis’ reddened face and alcohol breath.

He plastered a fake smile, mustering the remains of politeness.

“You didn’t strike me as a party type, I thought you’d be making excuses a long time ago.” Leland grinned like a Cheshire cat. For a second, an outsider could have almost thought these two hold each other in high regard.

Almost being the key word.

“This is the most pleasant surprise.” Leland continued. “You see, I am rarely wrong, so it’s one of these moments when not only am I wrong, but also being wrong actually makes me happy.” He laughed as if he’s just delivered the best punch line in the world.

“Well, we are representing the hospital after all and I wouldn’t be too much of an example if I left before the rest of my team.” Ethan put on his best charming smile, not without a superhuman effort.

You don’t play the game, you play the opponent, he reminded himself.

“It looks like we are finally agreeing on something, doctor.” A sleazy smile ran past his lips, as he left to mingle with another circle. Inside, Ethan shuddered. There was just something about Bloom that didn’t add up and he was yet to figure what it was… but now his focus shifted to something else entirely.

Just like he predicted (or diagnosed, if you will) with every sip, every passing minute, the guests were falling deeper and deeper into inebriation - the excellent staff made sure that every time someone emptied their glass, a new dose of liquid happiness was ready for them. Dr Ramsey knew this must have been Bloom’s doing.

They may have had money and resources but during these events, they were like wild animals held captive and then suddenly let loose. Their problem was that they thought money could pay for everything, but it certainly couldn’t buy back dignity, redeem bad manners and erase terrible first impressions.

Tonight, he will use this flawed logic to his advantage.

* * * * * *

Noelle was sitting across the table, not even trying to hide anymore that whatever the tech moguls were trying to sell, she wasn’t buying.

Neither their fancy apps nor their bullshit.

Ethan finished yet another glass of scotch and stood up, his height towering over everyone else at the table.

“Well, it’s about time I was moving. Thank you for a very… revelatory evening, gentlemen.” The other table occupiers didn’t even pay too much attention and murmured something, shifting their focus back to the beautiful female doctor. “Dr Valentine, can I offer you a ride home? That is, if you were planning to leave soon…”

“That would be great, thank you, Dr Ramsey.” If her eyes could speak up, they would have definitely thanked him for throwing her a lifebelt.

“Fantastic, meet me outside in 10 minutes then? I have…one more business to attend to beforehand.”

She wasn’t exactly sure what it was — the look, the pause between words, the accentuation - but something told her that whatever business he meant, she was very much a part of it.

Her suspicion has soon turned out to be justified, as his tall figure wandered off and disappeared around the corner.

A corner he had absolutely no reason to disappear around.

The younger doctor waited a minute before making her excuses and assuring her companions that a future partnership with Edenbrook couldn’t look any brighter, Noelle turned around and followed the man in black suit.

Walking as fast as her hurting feet and long gown were allowing her, Noelle entered a long corridor at the back of the fancy restaurant and had to admit that even this place, which must have simply led to different utility rooms, looked spectacular and stylish. Almost like those fairytale corridors, which lead to other dimensions.

But only if a voice summons you and guides you there.

Just as the thought popped into her head, a firm grip tightened around one of her wrists, making her jump.

When she turned around, his index finger was on his lips in a clear message.

Quiet.

They only made a couple of steps before he cautiously opened the door and rushed her into a room. It looked like a sophisticated pantry or a wine cellar and she thought the stock must have been worth more than her annual salary.

The room was dark, bar for the little window, which wasn’t much helpful with providing the light, given that the world outside was hugged by the arms of the night.

“Ethan, what’s goi—“ She never had a chance to finish the sentence, before he took her breath away with his lips, not for the first time this evening. He didn’t stop there, pushing her towards the counter, like a famished animal backing its victim into the corner.

“You said you’ll be looking for an encore, didn’t you?” She was trying to accustom her sight to the darkness, the gleam in the blue of his eyes her only reference point.

“Although, if I’m not mistaken and my opera knowledge is still sharp, I think coda** is actually the word you’re looking for.”

She stilled, a shiver running through her spine, the electric feel both hot and cold. An audible swallow filled the silence that lingered after his words, not for long as he continued his monologue.

“And I’m sorry, Dr Valentine, but I’m not a patient man today…I’ve exhausted all my patience on senseless endeavours this evening.” Almost as if to prove the sincerity of his words, he started moving towards her, his every gesture deliberate; there was no space for randomness.

Every word hit her like a wrecking ball, her remaining senses overkeen. She couldn’t rely on her eyes anymore and her hearing, smell and touch suddenly became heavily heightened, almost supernatural.

She couldn’t reflect on this for too long though, as he backed her further towards the counter, blocking her moves.

“H-how… how do you know no one’s gonna come in?”

Even in the dark, she could see the corners of his lips going up, in a smile which wasn’t affectionate. It was dark, almost sinister.

And hot as hell.

Ethan leaned into her and dropped his voice even lower than she thought was humanly possible, whispering straight into her ear.

“I don’t, but… my diagnostic instincts rarely fail me, Noelle Valentine. Plus… that’s a part of the thrill, isn’t it?” He paused for a second to gloat upon the effect his ministrations had on her. Dr Ramsey enjoyed controlling the situation - more than he’d care to admit.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t fantasised of this, of losing yourself in me completely… except you couldn’t, because of a tiny detail, a stubborn question in your pretty head… what if someone walks in on us? What if it happens when you are overwhelmed by pure ecstasy, knowing there is no coming back, that the only way is forward…”

Ethan knew immediately that these words hit the jackpot. If she wasn’t before, she was definitely shaking now, her treacherous body betraying her in all ways possible.

That’s how she knew all these months ago. Maybe her mind could, but her body could never lie to Ethan Freaking Ramsey.

Ethan’s hands started roaming her body, discovering his favourite promised land, as if he had not been touching her on that balcony earlier, as if he’d never touched her before.

Because for him, every time with her was first and last. And he hoped things would always feel this way.

“Who are you and what have you done to Ethan Ramsey?”

She couldn’t see the smirk that appeared on his painfully handsome face.

“If I were you, I’d be more worried about what’s to be done to you, Dr Valentine.”

With this, he lifted her up by grabbing her ass and sat her on the counter, pressing her back against the cold wall, which felt strangely warm against her body.

Or not so strangely, given there was a fire inside of her.

Securing her neck with his palm, he pulled her closer for a long, wet and greedy kiss, the obscene sounds of their mouths filling the otherwise silent space.

“Touch me.” A silent plea fell off her lips, her voice a quiet sob. Usually, he’d enjoy teasing her forever, playing little games, checking how far she would go to get what she wanted. But not tonight.

Tonight… he’s gonna give her exactly what she wants.

Because he wants it even more.

His middle and index finger slipped past the silky material of the dress and the band of her underwear. Noelle parted her lips slightly and drew a shallow breath, waiting in anticipation. Her wish was granted a couple of seconds later, when he ran up and down her folds, eliciting a small, guttural moan, which he was sure would forever be his favourite sound in the whole world.

Before she was even able to get used to the feeling, he pushed 2 digits into her without warning, making her eyes wide with amazement. But the movement stilled a second later. Maybe he couldn’t not tease her after all.

“Please.” The sound that came out of her was almost inaudible, yet extremely high pitched. Even if he tried, Ethan simply didn’t know the words that could come close to describing what these reactions were doing to him.

“You know I will give you the world… I will give you anything you want, Noelle. You just need to tell me what it is that you desire.”

She didn’t know what was the biggest turn on - his sultry voice dripping with desire, the feeling of his digits inside her or the well thought out choice of words. But it gave her an answer immediately.

“Fuck me with your fingers, Ethan.”

There was something shy and yet confident about the way she said it, he couldn’t explain it. Whatever it was, it made him even harder, which, at this point he thought wasn’t humanly possible. Although he was painfully aware of his own desire, he couldn’t rid neither her nor himself of the pleasure of watching her come undone on his fingers.

“As you wish, my naughty girl.”

His fingers started moving in come-hither motion, first slowly and teasingly. Just when she opened her mouth to beg him again, his thumb circled her swollen clit and pressed the sensitive bundle of nerves with precision, sending her mind into overdrive. She had to bite her own shoulder to suppress what she was sure would turn into a scream.

“Fuck… yes, right there.” She was an incoherent mess, while his fingers curved and touched places that made her eyes roll. “Faster, Ethan.” She commanded weakly as his fingers picked up the face, going in and out of her furiously.

She was pleading and moaning for god knows what and her hands were desperate to grip something, just anything.

Soon, he knew as well as she did that the peak was close, for her body kept moving and shaking on its own accord.

“I’m…this…you…” She cried, making even less sense than before.

“I know. Let go… let go now, Noelle. I know you needed this so much. Come for me now, baby.”

Sinking her teeth, this time in his shoulder, and tightening her grip on him, Noelle clenched around his fingers, the feeling so arousing that he thought he’s going to explode himself. He had to hold her with all the strength he had in his free arm, as she was all over the place, trembling, cursing, riding out what must have been one of the strongest orgasms she’s ever experienced.

When the feeling settled, Ethan slowly loosened his grip over her and slid his fingers out, bringing them to his lips. The taste of her astounded him every single time.

“In case I haven’t told you before… nothing can compare to the way you taste. Maybe apart from the way you feel, but I need to check to be certain.”

Before he was able to do so himself, she reached for his belt and unbuckled it hastily, letting his pants pool at his feet. Ethan hissed when she was ridding him of the last layer separating them, his throbbing member oversensitive to the slightest touch. He responded in kind, slipping her thongs down.

He stared at her as if he’s forgotten how to blink before saying:

“If I were you, I’d hold on tight.”

She grabbed the edge of the counter and tightened her grip, leaning onto her other arm, palm pressed flat onto the surface. Ethan positioned himself in front of her and the moment his tip met her sex, a wild lust overtook him completely, from top to bottom. He pushed hard, their bodies finally connecting.

He didn’t waste time to make himself or her feel comfortable. Right now, he wasn’t a guest - he was the invader, the intruder, the conqueror.

“Fuck, it’s impossible you’re still so tight.”

In answer, she clenched her muscles around him even more, earning herself a throaty sound.

“You little minx.”

She was going to be the death of him and what an epic death it would be.

“Ethan, fuck me like you mean it.” Noelle bit her lower lip, knowing the effect this tiny gesture always had on him. He didn’t need anything more. The sound of fast thrusts soon filled the air, making it thick and dense. The race started, two lovers chasing their gratification like it was the last thing they were ever going to do.

This wasn’t vanilla.

It was chilli, whiskey neat and flames.

A dance of carnal desires, intense and salient, leading to the grand finale. Nothing finesse, quite the contrary - a satiation of the most primal of human desires.

Ethan kept thrusting into her so deep that she felt blood when she had to bite her lip, trying to stop the animalistic scream trapped in her throat, begging to be released. She felt every vein, every nerve inside of her, every place he was reaching. Her hands and arms hurt, but her mind, currently controlled by Ethan’s cock moving in and out of her in killer pace, has overridden any physical sensations other than pure pleasure.

“So…so close.” She panted weakly, rolling her eyes as waves of pleasure kept crashing on her.

Leaning into her, he caught her earlobe and as he kissed her ear, Ethan groaned. “You’re so,” thrust, “fucking”, thrust, “hot”, thrust, “when”, thrust, “you come.”

And with that, she came.

Her whole body arched and hot white pleasure turned every cell of her body into bliss. It was like jumping into the pool on a sunny day, submerging yourself completely and then just… floating.

Ethan followed her instantly, her climax triggering his own. They were holding onto each other for dear life, compounding the intensity of their sensations and silently praying for this moment to never, ever stop.

When their breathing returned back to normal a few moments later, the older doctor pushed aside strands of her hair that stuck to her face and then cupped her cheeks.

“You ok?” The tenderness in his voice almost made her heart stop.

As if she hasn’t already been dead.

“Ok? No, I’m not ok. I am pretty fucking great.”

“That you are.” He smiled wide. “You are pretty fucking great.”

“Well you are not too bad yourself. How are you feeling?”

“I feel like I died and was reborn, all at the same time.”

They laughed at each other’s choice of words, still in a tight embrace.

“Ready for the next part, Ramsey?”

“Next part?”

“Now we need to sneak out of here for real.”

* * *

* This is a reference to Dante’s poem “Inferno” from “Divine Comedy”

** coda - The final part of a play, film, or narrative in which the strands of the plot are drawn together and matters are explained or resolved

Tag 🏷 list: @starrystarrytrouble @genevievemd @sophxwithers @terrm9 @maurine07 @the-pale-goddess @drakewalkerfantasy @iemcpbchoices @oldminniemcg @schnitzelbutterfingers @mercury84choices @lsvdw-blog @archxxronrookie @queencarb @qrkowna @utterlyinevitable @lucy-268 @udishaman @stygianflood @romereadingshop @romewritingshop @caseyvalentineramsey @xxsugarplumfluffsxx @liaromancewriter @mrs-ramsey @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @fayeswiftie @tsrookie @lisha1valecha @alina-yol-ramsey @stateofgracious @lem-20 @fireycookie

#Ethan Ramsey x mc #open heart #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey #play choices #Ethan x noelle

[2manyfandoms2count]

Love you (not) - Chapter 1

I can't believe it's already @marichatmay again... What a year. This time, I won't be jumping in completely blindly into the challenge, I've got it mostly planned out in a single fic, which starts on the same day as Weredad, but embraces the fake-dating shenanigans because yes. This relationship will be mutually unrequited from our beloved characters' point of view, until it's not anymore.

Hope you enjoy!

Read on AO3 | Next

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Chapter 1: In which the author sees the fake dating shenanigans canon provided and deems they weren’t enough

“That’s because I’m… In love with you!”

The words still echoed in Marinette’s head hours after they’d been said, and covering her eyes and ears with her arms as she laid in bed did nothing to make them less loud.

Stupid words coming out of her mouth unbidden. Untrue, too.

She ought to have told Chat Noir that she’d had every right to be standing on her rooftop at night, after an Akuma had destroyed her room. She totally would’ve been allowed to feel slightly claustrophobic and want to take a breath of fresh air; or even to want to check that everything was back to normal.

But noooooo. She’d had to declare her love for him. She grunted at the thought that saying she had a crush on him would have been more than enough. He would’ve gotten the gist, he could’ve turned her down gently, and they could have marched on as if nothing had happened. It wasn’t like they ran into each other that often - like this, anyway.

But now Chat was coming over for lunch with her family, and he’d surely want an explanation. How could she backtrack? How could she explain to him that she’d blurted the first thing that had come to her mind to avoid him discovering that she was his superhero partner, whom he happened to be in love with, without telling him that part? You don’t just accidentally confess your love to someone instead of saying you were just hanging out on your balcony.

She tossed in her bed. She had to solve the situation. She had to come clean to him at lunch, at least to clear her conscience.

Maybe sleep would help organise her thoughts so she wouldn’t say anything stupid.

If she could only get the damn words out of her head.

---

“That’s because I’m… In love with you!”

Saying Marinette’s words had been unexpected was probably the understatement of the year, Adrien thought as he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.

His first thought after seeing her had been that she must’ve been a fan. Of Ladybug, at least, and maybe of his. Given how close she and Alya were, he wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d been out to catch something to contribute to the Ladyblog. After all, her balcony had been a particularly excellent spot that night to snatch some close-up pictures of the heroes, and maybe even an interview.

Not to mention the other reason that explained her presence, which he’d realised after giving it a little more thought: they’d been fighting quite literally on her doorstep.

But even if he could’ve thought about it for ages, there was no way that he could have even suspected the real reason she’d been waiting on her balcony. That she was in love with him. With Chat Noir.

But then again, he thought as he shifted to his side, maybe it did make sense. It kind of explained why she didn’t have a significant other (not that girls needed a boyfriend or a girlfriend, but couples were pretty common at Françoise Dupont). Given how kind and amazing Marinette was, and how many people had had crushes on her (Nino being a fine exhibit A), Adrien had kind of wondered why she didn’t have people flocking around to ask her out. Her being in love with Chat Noir was new information for him, but maybe it was common knowledge, and he just hadn’t paid enough attention.

It wasn’t like they talked about their feelings much at school, he supposed, wondering if that meant she didn’t trust him enough to confide in him. He shook away the small wave of sadness and... was it yearning? that overcame him at the thought, and recentered the topic.

The point was, he’d been too taken by surprise by Marinette’s confession to process it in time and turn her down in the gentlest way possible. Or even at all.

If anything, he’d dived straight into a potential relationship by accepting lunch at her parents’.

That didn’t send out the right message at all.

He had to fix it. Soon, before it got out of hand, so as not to lead her on. He had to do it the next day.

Sleep would help him make his rebuttal as smooth as possible.

If only he could just get her words out of his head.

---

As she stood guard on her balcony the next morning, threatening grey clouds hanging over the horizon, Marinette entertained the hope that Chat Noir wouldn’t come over at all, which would solve the problem of coming clean to him, and the newly formed outrage that Chat Noir was falling in love way too easily these days. So much for the strength of his love towards Ladybug, really.

It seemed a little cowardly for him not to respect his commitment to lunch, but it had been pretty last minute, and kind of surreal; she would have understood, and she was sure her parents would have as well. It wasn’t like Chat Noir wasn’t one of the superheroes of Paris; she would have been ready to sign him a waver as Ladybug saying he’d been dealing with some Very Important Business on the other side of town if the topic ever came up with her parents.

This is why she was almost surprised to see him vault across the rooftops, clearly making his way towards the Dupain-Cheng Bakery, just as she’d been ready to give up on his presence. She grunted internally as Tikki gloated, and made her way downstairs to greet him.

Tom stood proudly next to the table, which she’d laid out for four people. She hid an embarrassed eye roll. It almost felt like he was the one who was waiting for his date. At least, he seemed a lot more excited about it than she was.

“Come on Marinette, open the door for him!” He all but pushed her towards the entrance.

She did as she was told, and had barely had time to register Chat Noir’s greeting when she was pushed aside, Tom engulfing her guest in a bear hug. She facepalmed. This was not sending the right message at all .

He’s going to think that I stayed up all night gushing about him to my parents, and that I’m convinced that I’m going to marry him even though we’ve only talked like twice before, this is a disaster, he’s going to think I’m insane and -

Her inner freak out was interrupted by her mother reminding her father that Chat Noir did need to breathe, which coincidentally shut down any analysis of why Chat thinking she was insane would be such a terrible thing, when really, sending him running would solve most of her immediate problems.

She was suddenly facing her partner with a mind void of all social etiquette. How did one greet someone one had recently declared their love to? Was shaking hands appropriate? Or was it more of an elaborate fistbump situation? This situation would be a lot less awkward if my parents weren’t staring and- woah, what does he think he’s doing?? She thought as she saw Chat lean forward with his lips puckered up. Surely we’re not there yet?! Even if I told him I loved him?

She froze as his face approached hers, her lips automatically kissing Chat’s cheeks when she realised he was simply going in for the classic, friendly, Parisian bise . Thank goodness , she sighed discreetly as they pulled away.

“Here, I wasn’t sure what to bring,” Chat Noir scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he handed her a rose.

A pale pink rose, she noted as she took it. Symbolising gentleness and gratitude. He wasn’t jumping into this relationship like he did with Ladybug. There was hope yet.

“Thank you, that’s very thoughtful of you,” she replied with a smile, interrupting her father before he blurted out whatever well-meaning, but unhelpful and slightly embarrassing speech he had lined up. She turned towards her parents. “Maman, Papa, is lunch ready yet?”

“Not exactly, I’m sorry, Mr. Chat Noir, I wasn’t exactly sure when you were arriving…” Tom replied a little sheepishly.

“That’s perfect! I mean, it’s fine, Papa, don’t worry about it. Can Chat Noir and I go upstairs for a bit?” Marinette laughed awkwardly.

Sabine smiled knowingly, and put a hand on her husband’s arm. “I think that’s a great idea. Tom, why don’t you prepare some vol-au-vents for them to snack on?”

“Of course!” Marinette watched her father rush around the corner and pile the amuse-bouches on a plate. “You’ll have to tell me what you think, I tried a new recipe in honour of young love.” He shoved the plate in Marinette’s hands and all but pushed them up the stairs. “Have fun, you two! And leave the door open!”

Marinette ran up the stairs and put the plate down on her desk before hiding her face in her hands, mortified. “I’m so sorry about my Dad.” She peeked at Chat Noir from behind her fingers. “He’s not usually this intense with people he’s just met.”

“I kind of like it, actually.” Chat smiled. “It’s nice that he cares.” He picked up a vol-au-vent and studied it, before gobbling it down. Marinette could have sworn that his gaze had darkened.

She played with a piece of fabric that poked out from her project hamper, unsure what to say next. Chat ate another pastry. In the silence that surrounded them, the slight pitter-patter of the rain that had finally broken out on her roof was deafening.

“Listen, I need to tell you something-” They both started simultaneously.

“You go,” Marinette gestured towards him.

“No, you,” he gestured back.

“You’re the guest, you should go first,” she encouraged him.

Chat Noir took a deep breath and accepted to bite the bullet. “Listen, Marinette, I really like you. You’re amazing. To be honest, I’d love to know you better…” He scratched the back of his head.

Marinette had bitten the inside of her cheeks as she kept a smiling façade during his praise, but she had to interrupt him. “Chat… I really don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, I put you on the spot last nice and I’d really hate you to think that because I... have feelings for you,” she winced as she spoke, even though she knew deep inside that there was no better way of putting it and that she had to stick with her lie, “you have to go out with me or something, or even stay here.”

“There’s no obligation, I promise, Marinette,” Chat said earnestly as he looked at her put on a brave face. It was just like her to put her feelings aside if it could make him happy, but he couldn’t just leave. He had to make sure she was alright. She deserved that much, if not more. She was such a great friend.

“But really, if you have better things to do, I’d totally understand it…”

In the peculiar light of the spring shower, Marinette looked particularly anxious and tormented, Chat Noir noted. Leaving now, even though it would be best in the long run, was just a recipe for an Akuma. And if she did indeed get akumatised, he would feel like he’d planted a seed, and their environment had quite literally immediately gone to water it.

“If it’s what you want…” He probed.

Marinette realised that Chat looked very dejected at the idea of leaving; the way he gazed longingly at the vol-au-vents made her question if her partner ate enough as a civilian. She sighed as she saw that outside, the rain had intensified. She really couldn’t let him go now. Cats didn't mix well with water.

“ A table! ” Her mother’s voice came exactly at the right moment.

“I’d be very happy if you stayed.” She smiled, extending a hand towards him.

“Really?” His tone was hopeful as he walked towards her and took it.

“Yeah.” She led him downstairs, shaking her head imperceptibly at the thought that she was probably making a big mistake by doing this.

Seeing him laugh out loud at her father’s bad jokes, tears streaming down his face as he held his sides, before proceeding to eat like he hadn’t in a decade, encouraged by her mother, made her change her mind. Maybe she could keep up the charade for a bit, if it meant he could be this happy.

After all, even though she didn’t love Chat Noir that way, she still loved him a little bit. Enough to keep him out of the rain, that was for sure.

#we're back baby #marichat may #marichat may 2021 #miraculous ladybug #the miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #ml #miraculous fanfiction #miraculous fanfic #marichat #marinette dupain-cheng #chat noir #tom dupain #sabine cheng #weredad #day 1: rain #elle writes #love you (not)

[theinvisibledreamergirl]

Hopeless

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Klaw Craig)

Words count: >1.7k

Category: Angst

Warning: none

A.N: Well as per your request this is the awaited fic for you and maybe you didn’t expect it to be such this angsty. Let me know what do you think. This event starts after this post for everyone who’s not familiar with it.

———————————————————————

Klaw had never ran so fast in her life like now.

She had to do something.

Something to stop Simon from telling Dr. Ramsey about the Instagram photo she posted. And the reason?

Simple. After Dr. Ramsey admitted to her the infamous patient Mr. Nigel Platt- nothing went normal as she thought at first. Nigel had several symptoms that none of them concluded to a specific illness but leading to more questions than answers. Again this wasn’t the real problem.

Nigel’s attitude against her while questioning her abilities to handle this case, made her blood boiled despite she held a great poker face to him that everything seemed to go flowing. It was ironic this kind of situation happened again to her- when she confronted the mafia man Miles in her first day, the latter doing the same thing as Nigel. With all of her anger and frustration she blamed Dr. Ramsey for this and decided in a drunken state to create an emoji and to show off to people on Insta what an asshole he was. But when she got sobered like today, she was pleading that everyone would get it as joke and not something that should be taken seriously. Because it was a moment of anger okay? She didn’t know how to revenge to him because he was her attending after all. She couldn’t file a complaint to him. Right? After finishing this case she wanted to have a man to man talk and to understand why he assigned this kind of patient especially to her. Did she do anything wrong?

If yes, what?

Because of Dr. Banerji’s secret?

Her mind was fogged up with lots of questions while she was running in the halls of fifth floor- where his office was. When she turned the corner she bumped into nurse Sarah and apologised.

“Sarah do you know where’s Dr. Tennant?”

“Oh. I saw him with Dr. Ramsey while exiting the Diagnostics Office.”

“Shit.”

“Something wrong Dr. Craig?”

But Sarah didn’t have an answer as she saw the young intern run again. Klaw knew where the diagnostics was and her breath hitched when she saw the two doctors conversing with each other in such seriousness that made her shivering from fear. Then she saw Simon slipping from his white coat his phone and telling something to Ethan. But before that she lunged forward while shouting.

“STOP!”

Both attendees flinched when they heard her frantic voice and saw her raised hands while shaking. They frowned in confusion at her as the baritone voice asked.

“Dr. Craig what is this? Another stunt of yours?”

“No no please just hear me out because I know that I owe you an apology Dr. Ramsey.”

He raised a cold eyebrow. As always he would never change that reflex she thought. “Pray, tell.”

“Well... I think that you’re quite aware now what I’ve done so far and... I’m truly sorry for that. I mean... who in the world does the mockery of someone in social media that everyone starts to make fun of it? Me with a whiskey around yesterday decided to throw that thing but I fully regret it. So... I’m saying it again Dr. Ramsey that I’m sorry I posted that photo on Instagram and I promise to delete that immediately.”

“What’s that photo?” He asked in confusion while shaking his head. “Because I didn’t get this Rookie. Would you like to explain to me what the hell is even the Insane thing?”

“But weren’t you seeing it with Dr. Tennant right now? He was showing it to-”

“Uhm-” Simon cleared his throat. “Klaw, I was showing Ethan the tomography of our patient after we diagnosed him.” He turned his phone to her and immediately she wanted nothing more than to burn herself or hide somewhere because now she felt so screwed. “I wasn’t going to tell him y’know.” Then he snorted when he finally realised what her intention was.

“Excuse me, can someone right now tell me what in the hell is going on?” Ethan glared at them when he felt his anger building up seeing the interaction between these two and the fact that they were sharing a secret made him raged.

The young doctor gulped hardly when she lit up her phone, opened the app and showed it to her attending. But what made Ethan even more angry despite he was remaining calm all the time was the description she had written:

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the icy blue-eyed Dr. Ethan Ramsey in his usual mood- killing the interns.

Even though it may sounded funny to someone’s else ears, he wasn’t killing anyone. Especially when he wanted to push her to be the best doctor and to learn by hard. But clearly to him, maybe it was a mistake for picking her so that was his final straw.

“My office.”

He gave her phone back while trailing off and Simon gave her an encouragement smile as if meaning that it was the usual one of the many Dr. Ramsey’s moods but for Klaw this was unusual.

Ethan didn’t even let the door open for her as he did always and slammed it forcefully in her face. And that was her final straw.

“What the fuck?!”

“Language Craig!”

“Do you even know moral codes or what?”

“I’m not going to learn from you because you clearly have absolutely no knowledge about them.”

“Are you really worried for such a stupid little thing? I told you I was drunk!”

“Do you really think that I care that much for an animated figure which clearly doesn’t represent me but just another stupid jokes of yours?”

“Well my jokes are better than your dryly and sophisticated ones.” He scoffed unbelievably, not seeing that his words were actually hurting her. “I want to be taken off the PITA’s case because in my opinion there’s nothing left for me to do with a man who doesn’t respect me as a doctor and doesn’t acknowledge my work showing his belligerency and rudeness.”

So that’s why she was angry at him. But that didn’t even make him change his mind. He wasn’t surprised to see her in this state of rage and for a mere of seconds he thought how cute she looked when she was serious and flushed. Ethan gave her an unamused smile, not interested in what she just said. “No.”

“I beg your pardon?” Her right pupil dilated slightly while she was frowning.

“You’ve had difficult patients before. Keep trying.”

His calmness was making her even more furious and before she could stop herself she came forward and slapped her hands in his desk, while facing him with a shaking breath. This of course caught him off guard and stood up from his chair doing the same as her.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Why are you punishing me?”

I’m not punishing you. I would never do that.

“Or is my saying right- that you enjoy to kill interns and make us suffer huh? Do you enjoy that?”

“You need to keep your personal feelings separate from your professional feelings Dr. Craig.” She tried to reply but was cut off. “I’d think very carefully before you say something to embarrass yourself.”

“Then why have you selected me this patient? For what reason?!”

“To challenge you, to push you to be the best doctor you can be! Don’t you get it already?”

Despite the closed door their voices could be heard loud and clear from outside. Their faces were in a close proximity without breaking their gazes to each other. Icy blue could see in dark fiery browns the embarrassment and the astonishment when she received his words. She understood now. It was never about Naveen’s secret that they were sharing. It was about her development that even after all of this he still thought of her.

For her best.

As a real attending should.

He sat on his chair with his crossed arms whereas she backed off a bit from his desk only to hear disappointment from him.

“When I make my evaluations every year... every intern that I’ve chosen were the best amongst the best and for that-” he flickered his eyes to her again with the coldest expression on his face that she had ever seen and shivered. “- I believed I saw a potential in you. It’s very rare that I’m wrong Rookie. But I’m willing to admit when I am... and I think I might have been wrong about you.”

The final words left her not only speechless but also breathtaking. She couldn’t feel her lungs  as if everything stopped in that moment. Her heartbeats were giving her aches in her chest as she stared right back into his eyes- regret and pain. Ethan Ramsey regretted his intern right in front of her just like a slap in her face. That was the final cue from him that she wasn’t the best intern he had thought because this intern (she) had let him down.

Klaw shifted her left shoulder and broke eye contact with him while Ethan quirked sadly his mouth knowing her fully well anytime she got that nervousness. He got used to her and he hoped that these words would encourage to be better or otherwise- worse than now.

Deeply ashamed she couldn’t say another word and left his office without glancing back. She was determined to solve that case whatever that brat had and to prove once again that Dr. Craig or Rookie was the best intern he had chosen for the program.

Ethan sighed heavily when he opened his drawer to reveal her file that was the first of many others and stared down at her CV photograph that showed- bravery.

“You can do this Klaw.” He whispered to himself and for the first time he said her name which in Ethan’s horror wasn’t something good. He closed the file with a thud and put it back on his drawer while getting up from his chair to take a look in the window. He could feel his heartbeats quickening when he saw Klaw leaving with his patient Kyra who was trying to console her. At least she had friends to look after her.

Stop it Ethan. Stop thinking about her.

Reluctantly he pulled away from the window to busy himself with other important tasks so he would forget about piercing brown eyes.

#open heart #open heart fan fic #open heart fan fiction #my mc #klaw craig #ethan ramsey #klaw x ethan #ethan ramsey x mc #my writing

[torialeysha]

Cold Feet - Part 15

Shadow of doubt.

A/N: Hello my darlings! It’s been a while, too long a while, I know :(  What an absolutely awful year it’s been for all of us! I can only hope that you’re all well and keeping safe. Here’s a long overdue cold feet update to keep you occupied.

Song: Paramore - Tell me how 

A discordant racket sounded above the routine rumblings of the bakery. A muffle of raised voices and the righteous clicking of heels against the sticky floor mirrored by clumpier steps echoed down the cask laden hallways and seeped through the splintered wood of the makeshift door that separated Alfies office from the clamour of the distillery.  Looking up from the cluttered mess of his desk, Alfie run a hand quickly through his dishevelled hair and down his overgrown beard while awaiting the approaching commotion with hopeful intrigue. He groaned disappointedly when a Brummie brunette breached the door with a fumbling Ollie in tow, his long, clumsy fingers attached to the fur trim of her expensive coat.

It was wishful thinking on Alfies part that it would have been you who had stormed the door instead of the peaky lass. It had been well over a week since he had last seen or heard from you. And he had invested all of those torturous days busying himself to try and take his restless mind and it’s various crazed voices off of you and the recent revelation that had pillaged his plans to save you both from the Italian shit storm that had blown in from the other side of the pond.

Still his mind struggled to come to terms with the news you were with child. He couldn’t comprehend what was worse, the daunting idea of becoming a father or the sickening possibility that the baby might not be his. His crooked teeth clenched painfully together at the mere thought of you being intimate with anyone other than himself. Of course you had assured him on countless occasions that nothing of the sort had ever or would ever happen between you and Charles. And Alfie had believed you. Trusted that it wasn’t in your nature to lie. Foolishly so now considering you were the one who had also told him of the possibility that he might not be the father. One was a lie but which one? It drove his already unhinged mind insane thinking about it. He tried to stay out of his head and ignore the little demented voices that would taunt him in the quietest hours, reminding him of all the times you and he had copulated over the years and never conceived, which in turn highlighted how coincidental it was that you should now fall pregnant after sharing a bed with another man.

Plagued with doubt and unsure of what to do, he did nothing. Shunning the situation altogether and letting his selfish pride take over and stop him from reaching out and doing the right thing.

“I tried to stop her!” Ollie explained.

“It’s alright, Ollie. Let ‘er in.”

Ada tore herself from Ollies hold with a look that could kill.

“The one who’s too righteous to use the Shelby name, ay? To what do I owe the displeasure?” Alfie casted an unyielding gaze curiously upon Thomas Shelby’s younger sibling, filled with an over-brewed distaste.

“Have you seen this?” Ignoring his provocative comments. Ada pulled a newspaper from under her arm and threw it on his desk. The daily publication landed in front of Alfie with a rustling slap. His curious gaze wandered lazily from her to the paper. It appeared that Ada had left it open on the specific page, considerately saving him the trouble of rooting through. He grabbed his glasses, balancing them on the bridge of his nose before beginning to read.

Ollie slid closer to the desk, pulling his wistful gaze from Ada he peeked down at the paper to see what would have piqued Alfies interest. The headline read Announcements. A full page worth of biliously boastful declarations. Taking up almost a quarter of the page and catching both of their attentions immediately was a photo of you and Charles. The print underneath proudly stating the news of your engagement.

Alfie studied the photo. Looking past the image of Charles’ to focus on you. He couldn’t help but notice how the black and white portrayal did you no justice. You looked tired. Your sparkling eyes dull and lifeless. The only hint of happiness was in the slight upturned curve of your painted lips.

“Fucking ‘ell.” He exclaimed with a sigh. “A life with him should be under obituaries. Please send her my deepest condolences.” Alfie leaned back in his chair with a resigned shrug of his shoulders. The sound of creaking leather beneath his tight grasp on the worn arms of his chair was the only giveaway of his teetering disposition.

“That’s all you’ve got to say? Come on, Alfie, you’ve got to do something about this now. This whole charade has gone on for far too long.”

“And what do you think you know about it?” Alfie boomed. “Sticking ya ore in one last time before you fuck off back up the canal to that shit hole you call home? You Shelbies are all the fucking same, mate. Always making something your business that ain’t your fucking business.”

“Finished?” Ada sighed. Unfazed by his outburst.

“Yeah, I am actually - for now anyway...” 

A sceptical Ada waited for him to continue.

“...Take a seat then. Let me get you a drink.” Alfie pulls a bottle of whiskey from his draw. “Or do you want something softer? I mean, never can be sure if you’re up the duff again.”

“Alfie!” Ollie admonished.

“It’s alright, Ollie.” Ada assured him before turning her attention back to Alfie. “You can save the unpleasantries, Alfie. I know you can’t stand me and I can’t stand you either. But the truth is I’m not here for you. I’m here for Y/N. I’m worried about her. She’s in too deep with Charles. I’ve tried to tell her but she’s insistent on staying with him to protect you. You can’t let this carry on much longer, it’s too dangerous for her and the baby.”

Alfie’s eyes widened when Ada mentioned the baby.

“Yes, I know about the baby.” Ada exclaimed through a frustrated sigh. “Y/N’s told me everything.”

“Then you will also know why I ain’t doing fuck all about it.” Alfie grumbled dismissively.

“What are you on about?” Ads asked bemused.

“Hmm, it seems that you don’t know everything then, do ya?... The sprog might not be mine.” Although he tried hard to conceal it, the words pained Alfie.

“What on Earth would make you think such a thing?”

“Because she fucking told me! 1 in 2 possibility she said. And this ‘ere, right,” he pokes the paper. “Tells me exactly what horse she’s backing.”

“And you believed her?” Ads scoffed, shaking her head. “She hasn’t even slept with Charles, so how could it be his?”

“Well if that’s so then why would she tell me otherwise, ay?”

“...It doesn’t make sense...” Ada’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. “...You must have said something to her to make her spew a lie like that?”

“Well, lie or no lie, it’s done me a favour to tell you the truth-“ Alfie replied nonchalantly, deflecting her question.

Adas eyes narrowed further at Alfie’s flippant reaction before a bleak realisation washed over her.

“-Oh God! That’s it isn’t it. You told her you didn’t want the baby didn’t you?” Ada’s heart sunk at what she hoped was a wrong assumption.

“Not in so many words.”

“For crying out loud, Alfie. I can only imagine how hurtful that was for her to hear.” Ada paused for a moment. “Haven’t you stopped to think for a moment that that may have been the reason why she said you might not be the father? To hurt you like you’ve hurt her?”

“Listen ‘ere, right. You might be, but I ain’t no fucking fool-“

“-No.” She interrupts him. “You’re just an ignorant pig who doesn’t know Y/N as well as you think you do. She’d stop heaven and hell for you...I used to think you’d do the same for her - maybe I was wrong. Your judgment is cloudy, Solomon’s. Clear your head and come to your senses before it’s too late.”

Alfie stays silent, his thumb and forefinger fiddling with the overgrown scruff that decorated his jawline.

“Y/N’s under the illusion that you have a plan-“ Ada continues.

“Don’t dare come in ‘ere and fucking patronise me!” He erupted, slamming his fist on the desk. “I have a plan, right. It’s not a fucking illusion and it’s none of your fucking business either.”

“Then what the hell are you waiting for? Go to her. Beg for her forgiveness and when she takes you back- if she takes you back, get the hell out of here, both of you.”

“And tell me, sweetie, where does that leave your brother and his little starling problem?” Alfie eyes Ada curiously.

“He’s a Shelby. He’ll handle it.” She replied flatly.

Alfie graces her with an impish grin, the cockiness of her statement amusing him.

“Yeah, he’s done a brilliant job so far, ain’t he?” He muttered sarcastically.

“Just give Y/N the benefit of doubt, Alfie. After everything you’ve put her through, it’s the least you could do.” Ada waited for Alfie to reply but he stayed silent. His arms now folded stubbornly across his chest.

A defeated sigh left her ruby lips as she decided regretfully that her visit had been in vain.

“I’ve said all I’ve come here to say, I’ll be leaving now.” She grumbled, turning towards the door.

“Let me walk you out.” Ollie offered quickly, stumbling to her side.

“That won’t be necessary.” She declined. Blushing at their clashing of hands which have both reached for the door handle. A fleeting moment ensued between the two but Ada shook it off swiftly.

“I don’t need a man to open the door for me.” She sighed harshly.

“No, I remember that.” Ollie gave her a sad smile and withdrew his hand, leaving Ada to open it.

“Think about what I said.” She turned back to address Alfie who just grunted a dismissal.

“Where is she?” He asked suddenly.

“Arcadia.” Ada told him, her voice thick with hope.

Alfies eyes fell to the floor as he gave a subtle nod.

Resisting another glance at Ollie, Ada left wordlessly with her head held high.

Ollie loitered by the door debating wether or not to follow her. An abrupt bang shook the room, so loud it caused him to jump. He turned to Alfie whose pencil was now protruding from the photograph in the paper, piercing what would have been Charles’ face.

“I think Ada’s right, Alf.” Ollie approached his boss carefully.

“Yeah? And I think you’re just blinded by the peaky tart and that you’d think shit smelt like roses if she told you it did.”

Not wanting to get a wallop, Ollie gritted his teeth and said nothing.

“...So what if she is right, ay? Nothing changes. I can’t be who Y/N needs me to be.” Alfie confessed coyly.

“What you on about?”

“Being a dad. How could I be a fucking dad? I mean, who did I have as an example? My old man was a waste of space.” Alfie eyes his fathers hat hanging obnoxiously on the coat stand in the corner of the room. “Never ever saw the cunt.”

“Oh come on, Alfie. You ain’t your old man. You’d be a great dad. Look at what you’ve done for Goliath.”

“He’s a grown lad though in’t he. I didn’t raise him.”

“What about me then? You’ve pretty much raised me since the day my dad passed. And I turned out alright.”

A hundred and one sarcastic remarks crossed Alfie’s mind but he silenced them and instead agreed begrudgingly with a grunt.

“All you got to do is look at everything you’ve done for Y/N to realise that you’re nothing like your old man.”

“Yeah, waste of fucking time that all was.”

“Oh, Come on Alfie! If you really felt that way you wouldn’t have bothered whipping up a nurser-“ Alfie’s seething scowl stops Ollie abruptly.

“... I know it’s none of my business, boss.” Ollie gulped, continuing more cautiously. “But I don’t think Y/N would have come here and told you about the baby if there was any doubt in her mind that it wasn’t yours.”

Alfie jumped up from his desk causing Ollie to cower, fully expecting Alfie to chin him one for interfering in his personal business.

“There’s only one way to find out, in’t there. Get my coat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

For you, daytimes wasn’t the problem. Daytimes you could spend time with Ada or occupy yourself with the odd job at Arcadia. It was the nighttimes that haunted you. When the parties were over, the doors closed and you had to curl up beside Charles with another mans baby growing inside of you - a man who had shattered your heart a second time.

You had left the bakery that day numb, exactly like you had the last time he had broken your heart - ironically within the same four walls. It took all the strength you had to put on a brave face and lie to Ada afterwards, to tell her how overjoyed Alfie was about the news you were carrying his baby and that it wasn’t the train wreck it actually was. It just felt easier that way and it also gave Ada one less reason to hate him. It angered you that even after all the hurt Alfie had put you through, you still possessed that unabating need to defend and protect him. Which was the main reason you were still here and hadn’t fled London like your wounded heart had wanted to.

You had thought, or more so hoped, like you had done the first time he broke your heart, that Alfie would have come round by now but almost a fortnight later and still no word. It seemed you would have to somehow come to terms with the inevitable and try as best as you could to move on without him. Just the thought of that tore your sewn up heart back in two. You’d lay awake at night thinking about it, licking your wounds and drowning in a turbulent sea of misery as you tried to work out your next move. You wouldn’t be showing properly for a few more weeks, which should hopefully give you enough time to bring Tommys plan to fruition and help him put a stop to the Changrettas’ before it was too late. It’s what you would do next that had you stumped. One thing was sure, you would have to leave town. The thought of sticking around and raising Alfie’s child in London knowing he didn’t want to be a part of either of your lives was too gut wrenchingly painful to endure. So where would you go? You still had family you could turn to but your stupid pride would stop you from going back to your Aunts or turning up on your mother’s doorstep pregnant. What you needed was a fresh start. Birmingham was an option - a rather appealing one considering your connection to the peakies. You could be certain that Tommy would see you right and make sure you settled in. However, Tommy’s business relationship with Alfie could pose a problem. Another option, a more drastic one, was America. Ada would spend hours telling you about America and how much she adored it. She said she would be returning there soon, maybe you would go with her.

“That’s the last of the gin, Miss.” The glass bottles clinked a merrily enticing tune as the delivery man set the last crate on top of the other one at the bar, effectively stealing you from your reverie. He slid a docket under your nose for you to sign and with your signature and a tip of his flat cap he took his leave.

You had begun replenishing the bar with the gin when a sudden, eerie feeling crept over you. Shaking it off, you quickly dismissed it as fatigue and continued unpacking the crates...but the feeling lingered. Maybe it was the huge club that was bereft of the nightly pandemonium which caused your unease and emphasised the strange silence as it pressed in on you. You glanced around, the presence of the few workers dallying doing little to ease your imagination as it began to run wild: What if Sabini had found out who you were? Or even worse, what if Luca had done some digging and found out you had been spying on him and Charles? Either one could be lurking in the many shadows of the club waiting for the right moment to strike. It was an alarming possibility that caused a shiver to run down your spine.

Feeling paranoid and vulnerable, you were overcome with a staggering urge to get out of there as fast as you could. You left the bottles of gin on the bar top and made a hasty retreat from the grand hall to retrieve your coat and purse from the office. You moved briskly to the golden pillars which adorned the entrance of the large hall and masked the narrow stairway to your little office. No sooner had you breached the golden barrier were you pulled behind one of the pillars. Your mouth opened on a scream but closed when you came nose to nose with Alfie.

“Alfie, what are you doin-“

“-You’ve lied to me, ain’t ya? You haven’t fucked the Yank.” His grip tightened on your wrists.

“That’s none of your damned business!”

“Anything to do with you is my business.” He growled. “This is my business.”

He let go of one of your wrists to gently caress your stomach. You stilled at the unexpected gesture and melted against the column you were pressed up against. Enraptured completely by his touch that you hadn’t felt for days. Reminding yourself of the reason for his absence, you snapped out of his spell and batted his hand away forcefully.

“You’ve changed your tune!” You spat bitterly, pushing past him.

The sound of his footsteps and cane hitting the marble floor behind you told you that he was following you.

“Leave me alone, Solomon’s.”

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me.” He grabs you again before you can ascend the stairs to the office.

“Tell you what?” You turn on him.

“Tell me the truth!” He hollers indiscreetly.

“You can’t handle the truth.” You whisper shout. Escaping once again, desperate to get away from him and the ear-wigging workers scattered around you. You make it to the sanctuary of your office, trying to shut the door on Alfie but he’s too close behind you. He pushes through, catching you as you lose your balance and stumble backwards.

“Tell me the baby’s mine.” He demands, glowering.

Your eyes travel across the menacing features of his face so close to yours.

“You really need me to tell you?” You smirk.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Of course it’s bloody yours!” You scream, pushing free from him.

“Why did you tell me otherwise then, pet?” 

It may have been your imagination but he sounded relieved.

“Do you blame me after the way you reacted?”

“What did you expect? Dropping a bombshell like that? I was in shock.”

“I expected more from you, Alfie! I realise now how naive that was of me.”

“Now listen ‘ere-“

“- No you listen. Before you say another word I want you to know that I’m keeping the baby, and that you’re completely free from obligation. I’m assuming that’s why you’re here? Well, be assured, I don’t want or need anything from you, Alfie Solomon’s. Least of all your pity.”

“Pity?” He scoffs.

“It’s written all over your face. You’ve made your choice. I’ve come to terms with that now. I can do this on my own. We don’t need you.” You told him, trying your best to sound convincing.

“Right.” He gives you a half amused, tight lipped smile. “Well, after seeing that stomach-churning announcement of your engagement in the times, it appears that you have also made your choice. But I am curious, Virgin Mary, about how you’re going to explain all this to lover boy?”

“Mock me all you like, Solomons. But I have no intentions of staying with Charles. Although I have accepted his proposal - for yours and Tommy’s sake, may I add. On the contrary to what you believe, once this is all done and dusted I will not be marrying Charles. In fact I’ll be gone as soon as this is over.”

“And where exactly will you be going?” He asked. All amusement now gone from his gruff voice.

“I’m still working it out. But you haven’t got to worry about me or your bastard child cramping your style. We’ll be far away from here and far away from you.”

“You and my child ain’t goin’ anywhere. I’d track you down. Follow you to the ends of the fucking Earth if I had to.” His inflamed temper and seething threat shocked you silent. “I acted like a cunt the other day, I hold my hands up but I’ve since seen the error of my ways... Just give me another chance.”

“How can I give you another chance? How can I believe that this is what you really want after everything you said? I can’t do it. I can’t live in doubt like that. I’d rather not be with yo-“

“- don’t say it!” He interrupted suddenly. “I fucked up. I thought I’d be a shit dad. That I’d let you both down. But this is what I want. Let me prove it to you. Another chance, a shot at redemption is all I’m asking.”

“You’ve already let us down...I’m sorry, Alfie, I can’t-“

“-Don’t fucking say it!” He warned again. Grabbing you and pulling you to him. You stood rigidly in his arms. Your stinging eyes unable to meet his.

“I can’t-“ you try again but he cuts off the rest of your sentence with a rough kiss.

You pull away, slapping his face hard before colliding back into him and kissing him as if it was the last time.

The sound of the door handle rattled and you tore yourself from Alfie instantaneously. Less than a second later Charles burst through the office door.

“Dar-ling.” seeing that you wasn’t alone, Charles drawled a protracted greeting upon his entrance.

“Hello, my love.” You smiled. Quickly going to him and hoping that your flushed cheeks and heaving chest didn’t arouse his suspicions anymore than they possibly already were.

“Mr Solomon’s. What are you doing here?” He looked past you to address Alfie.

“We were running low on rum so I called Mr Solomon’s, who went out of his way to personally deliver us some. Wasn’t that kind of him, sweetheart?” You quickly answered on Alfie’s behalf.

“Yes.” Charles mumbled “too kind.”

You risk a glance at Alfie. His jaw was tense. His penetrating gaze falling from Charles to you.

“Well I should be on me way now then. As always it’s been a pleasure, Y/N.” He grins, striding towards the door and ignoring Charles completely. “Think about what I said.” He tells you before disappearing, purposely leaving you and Charles with an elephant in the room.

“And what exactly is it you have to think about, my dear?” Charles asks tightly.

“Extra protection on the doors.” You lie, swiftly coming up with a cover up. “He thought it would help deter the riff raff.”

“I see.” He utters mindlessly. Catching you off guard when his fingers caught your chin and lifted your reddened face up to his. You tried not to fold under the scrutiny of his leering gaze.

“You have that rash again.” He sounded accusatory. His thumb and forefinger tracing roughly around your mouth and jawline where your skin had been chaffed a pale pink by Alfie’s coarse beard.

Your heart pounded loudly in your ears.

“Do I? I haven’t been well lately, have I? It must be to do with that.” You shrugged free from Charles and leant across the desk to retrieve your coat and purse.

“Take me home, my love. I’m famished.” You looped your arm through his to encourage him towards the door but he didn’t budge.

“Tell me, how do you know Mr Solomon’s again?”

Your settling heartbeat once again started to race.

“He was the landlord of my uncles shop. I used to work there and he’d pop in now and again to collect the rent. Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering. I remember you telling me he was an old friend. However, I just can’t help but think that it’s a bit of an unusual alliance.”

“I’d hardly call it an alliance. Maybe friend was too familiar of a term. He’s more of an acquaintance.”

“I see. Well, acquaintance or not, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you doing business with Mr. Solomon’s anymore. In future, any dealings with him will go through me.”

“I’m fully capable-“

“It’s not about capability!” He erupts, startling you.

“It’s about him.” He carries on more evenly, regaining his composure. “I simply don’t trust him. Any business with the Jew now goes through me. Do I make myself clear?”

You nodded compliantly, hoping he’d drop the matter.

“Good. Now let’s get you fed and watered.”

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#PeakyBlinders #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #Alfie Solomons #alfie solomons fanfiction #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons x reader #peaky blinders imagine

[white-hemlock]

First post and first attempt at @drarrymicrofic . Prompt: love is a heartache

Also first fic in English (should have picked the prompt first time to do so but writing is still in process. I obviously struggle with the micro part) Hope you'll like it!

Love is a heartache. And it ached every time the phone rang, every time an owl came with a letter and every time someone knocked on the door.

Draco gave up pretty quickly, after only 8 months or so. But Harry couldn't. He kept hoping for the both of them, day after day.

It had been something like a year and 2 months when Draco finally said out loud: "Maybe we should stop."

They were at the park, watching after Rose while Ron and Hermione were both working on that Saturday morning. He didn't have to explain what he was talking about. Harry understood immediately.

"Those things take time, Dray. We knew it when we started this. Just be a bit more patient."

Draco saw the pain in his eyes and didn't insist.

5 months later, Harry flinched. They had just switched off the light and were cuddling before getting to sleep when he whispered: "Do you think it's because of my job? That being an Auror is considered too dangerous?"

Draco tightened his embrace and whispered in his husband's neck: "We both know you're not the problem."

"It's not fair, you never killed or even hurt anyone."

"Maybe not, but I have a filthy tattoo on my arm. And even if you are Holy Potter, that might not be enough to compensate. That and the fact that we are a gay couple."

Harry shivered, as if he were cold.

"What if nobody ever wants us?"

Draco wanted to say that it wasn't such a big deal. That the two of them was enough. But he knew Harry didn't feel the same way. So he simply told him to keep waiting, that some people waited even longer. That there was still hope.

On the day of the second anniversary of their file deposit, Harry received an answer to his demand for an update. It was still negative. And Draco decided that he couldn't bear his husband's disappointment anymore.

"Harry, I think it's time to let go."

Harry glared at him and snapped angrily:

"You’ve never wanted to do it anyway, did you?"

Draco didn't answer. He just stopped chopping the carrots in his hand and watched his husband as he slowly fell apart. Harry went on :

“I don’t know...what if it comes next week, next month? Would you accept to have been waiting for so long for nothing?”

“What if that day never comes? I don’t know how long I can keep up that way. Every answer is just…”

“Too painful?”

Draco nodded and Harry slowly came closer, hugging him from behind with a sigh.

“Alright. Let’s take a break.”

Two weeks later, they were having a family dinner with the Weasleys. Draco was a bit nervous as he always was at the Burrow. Molly was serving the potatoes when she asked:

“So boys, how is your research going? It’s been a while now.”

Silence dropped at the table as Harry’s smile faded away. He looked at his husband with a bit of despair. He didn’t want to say it out loud. So Draco answered for him:

“We decided to end it. At least for now. Those two years have been… demanding.”

There was a blank as no one knew what to do, or what to say. Molly’s eyes went wet and Hermione grabbed her friend's hand, telling him how sorry she was.

“I’ll do it.”

The voice, firm and determined, came from the other side of the table. Everybody was now looking at Ginny as she continued:

“Having a child would be nice but it’s quite incompatible with a professional Quidditch player career. And I'm not ready to sacrifice that! Plus the fact that I’m single of course. I would really like to have a kiddo calling me mummy... to spoil him when I see him while you two take care of all the boring educational parts. I know you would be amazing parents.”

Harry hoped again. Draco could tell by the way he clenched his fist on the table. But he didn’t rush to say yes and Draco was grateful for that.

“Are you sure Gin?”

“Yeah, I’ve been considering it for a while now. I see it as an absolute win-win scenario. But I didn’t want to impose myself. I don't wish for a child that much. However, since you didn’t find anyone the “formal” way… Maybe you could consider the option. No pressure though. I really can understand if you don't want to.” She paused before adding with a malicious smile and a wink. “ But in my defense, may I add that it gives you the opportunity to have one of you as a biological father.”

Harry and Draco looked at each other and Draco could already tell that Harry was a huge fan of the idea.

“That’s… a very generous offer. And I can’t thank you enough. But we have to talk about this before giving you an answer.”

He reached for Draco’s hand below the table and squeezed it.

Ginny replied with a wave of the hand: “Of course, take your time guys.”

And the discussion was over. Draco felt Harry’s impatience throughout the meal. It was only when he joined him in the garden to give him his cup of coffee while the others were preparing the backyard for a friendly Quidditch match, that he finally allowed himself to ask:

“What do you think?"

Draco sighed: ”I don’t know… I’m divided.”

He sat on a bench and took a sip of his own coffee before continuing, uneasy:

“The idea of being a father is terrifying in itself. But… raising your ex-girlfriend’s child? It’s a whole new level of scary…”

Harry sat down by his side, giving him the comfort of his warm shoulder.

“What if I make a terrible father? What if the two of you realise how great parents you make and go back together? What if I argue with her and she wants the kid back? Or she finds someone and decides to raise the kid herself? There are so many things that could go wrong...”

“Dray…” Harry took Draco’s hand in his own. “There are laws to prevent an adopted child from being taken away from their legal parents. And you know Ginny won’t do it, even if you have your disagreements from time to time. As for me… I won’t leave you and certainly not for Ginny. My relationship with her was brief and it was a long time ago. It didn’t work back then and it won’t work today. She's clearly not my type." He gave him one of his suggestive smiles.

"And finally, as I already told you a hundred times, you will be an amazing father. Of that I have no doubts and neither should you.” He ended up kissing the back of Draco's hand.

They remained silent for a while, Draco staring at his coffee.

"I'm scared Harry."

"I know, that's why you'll be a great dad."

Draco couldn't help but smile. He wanted to give Harry the answer he was waiting for but the words refused to leave his lips.

"Would it help if you were the biological father?"

Draco froze and looked at his husband as if he had suddenly become insane.

"Me?"

"Why not?"

There was so much confidence in Harry's voice. It never ceased to amaze him. He was speechless and he realised that he had never considered the possibility.

"Ginny will never agree."

"Give her more credit. If she had anything against the idea of bearing your child, she would have said it straight ahead. She will never admit it but she likes you and you know it."

"My child…" Draco felt dizzy at the idea. There was so much emotion in him that his heart was about to explode. It was a confused mix of hope and fear and excitement and pride.

Harry looked at him, his green eyes enlightened by an infinite amount of hope and tenderness.

"Our child?"

And love. So much love it twisted his heart. It felt hard to breathe.

He took a deep breath and squeezed Harry's hand a little stronger.

"Our child."

#drarry #drarrymicrofic #microfiction #fanfic

[capseycartwright]

every year, i write myself a letter the night before my birthday, and i’ve posted most of them here - for posterity, i guess. and this year is no different - so here is my ode to 25. 

I’ve written one of these reflections every year, since I was 18 – and what started as a way for me to come to terms with my impending adulthood, has become one of the steadiest traditions of my life. In eight years of writing these posts, I’ve reflected on it all – put pen to paper and immortalised how it felt to be 18, 24, and all the ages that have become between. I finished university a month before my 22nd birthday – I finished my masters two weeks before my 23rd birthday. Every year, I write one of these posts and I wonder how life could possibly change any more in the year to come, and every year, July rolls around, and I reread reflections of years gone by and I realise that so much has changed and I’ve changed and it dawns on me what a constantly changing, evolving, wonderful thing life really is. 

Tomorrow, I turn 26. Somehow, that sounds so much older than 25. Not just a year older – no, it sounds so much more grown up than that. I was thinking, recently, about how my younger self would have imagined life at 26. I think she probably would have imagined a house and a husband, to start – and my life is far from that. The things I believed would be a measure of success when I was an adult are so vastly different to the things I believe to be a measure of success now, and more than anything, it’s kind of just interesting to think about.

My mum sent me some photos last week – photos of me as a toddler, as a child. I don’t blame her for feeling nostalgic, this time of year – I always do – and I think she’s probably more nostalgic than ever this year, because her baby is turning 26. The leap from being in your mid-twenties to being in your (almost) late twenties feels bigger, somehow, and when I say I am the baby, I really am. My brothers are the better part of a decade older than me; I have cousins who are older than my friends' parents, and my cousins' children are closer in age to me than most of my cousins are. It’s as if my transition to the middle of my twenties sort of signifies the end of an era, for my family. I was the last to be born, the last to go to school, the last to graduate from university, the last of this generation of my family to turn 26. 

There’s a sadness that comes with being the last of anything – your family savours the moments, big and small, because you’re the last person they’ll experience it with. Sure, there are more grandchildren and grand-nephews and grand-nieces than I can count in my family, but I was the last of a particular generation, of my parents' kids. There’s a sadness that comes with being the last – but more than anything, there is more love than I have ever known what to do with. You never stop being perceived as the baby, and I used to think that would annoy me, but as I get older, I think it’s probably one of the greatest privileges of my life – it’s as if there has always been a little more love, directed my way, because they know I’m the last and I think it’s only human for us to want to savour something before it's gone forever. 

My mum sent me some photos of me as a child, this week – and I can’t stop thinking about them, about the little girl I used to be. I think I was the happiest child – I only ever remember being happy. I only remember holidays and road trips and playgrounds and mountains and beaches and a mum and a dad who promised me faithfully from the moment I could understand it that I could do anything I wanted to. Swimming lessons, a decade of Irish dancing I quit in favour of art classes (something I was terrible at but my parents still happily paid for me to do for years). There was a brief stint with tennis, and then hockey – sailing, and kayaking, and windsurfing, too, though I clicked with those far more than I ever did with hockey. The point of all that is, I only ever remember thinking in how’s, and not in if’s. It was never if I could do something – no, it was how can I make this happen? It's something that’s followed me into adulthood, though I’m not sure my parents realised just how far their little girl with big dreams would take that mentality and run with it.

I never learned how to take no for an answer. Why would I? There’s always a solution, always a way around it. What’s meant for you, won’t pass you by – that’s what my mum and dad always say, and they raised me to believe the world is meant for me, I just need to go out and take it. 

I say all this because I look at photos of that little girl, and I think back on what being 25 has been like, and I can’t help but think about all the dreams I achieved this year, dreams that little girl I used to be couldn’t have begun to imagine.

25 was the year I got offered a permanent contract in a job I love. I have always been a very focused person – possibly to a fault, as I tend to get quite single-minded. But that single-minded focus is what got me here. When I decided this was the career path I wanted, I knuckled down and I did everything I could to get here – and it’s not an easy world to make it in, the one I find myself in, but I never stopped working for it. I worked a crappy internship that barely paid me enough to pay rent and eat – and then I worked two jobs at once for a year and loved every single second of the insanity. Two jobs just meant twice the opportunity to learn, right? I worked – and worked, and worked, until they created a job just for me and handed me a permanent contract and for the first time in my adult life I had stability and certainty and the promise of being able to do this job for as long as I want to. It’s a weird feeling, to know that the decision to leave this job will ultimately be mine, now - not one brought about by the end of a short term contract. I can’t imagine ever wanting to leave this job, though I’m sure the day will come - but for now, I have a job I love, and one that gives me purpose and joy and fulfillment and makes me excited to get out of bed, every day.

25 was about acceptance, I think. Accepting that the person I used to be, isn’t the person I am anymore - I’ve been changed, by some of the worst and best moments of my life. At the very least - how could I live through a global pandemic and not be changed by it? 

25 was about accepting that this is where I want to be, right now. Living abroad is a trip - no matter where you are, you’re always homesick for somewhere else, and so often, I sit and wonder if I made the right decision, or if I should just go home. 25 has been accepting I did make the right decision - for 23 year old me, when she first decided to move back here, and for 25 year old me, who’s thrived in a city where I’ve had to build a life for myself, no family, no friends, just a dream I felt like I owed it to myself to pursue - whether it worked out or not. I’m just one of the lucky ones who had it work out.

25 has been about accepting some things just can’t be fixed. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to admit - to myself, at first, and then out-loud, to friends and family. Some things are broken - and broken deliberately - and there’s no way to fix it, not when not everyone involved is even willing to fix it. The rest of my life is going to look different, to how I might have imagined it being when I was the little girl in those photos my mum sent me last week - but finally, I think I’m okay with that, because if 25 has proved anything to me, it’s that my life has never, and will never, be short of deep, enriching relationships that lift me far beyond who I could have imagined myself being as a child. I think I’m one of the luckiest people on the planet - I have a family that is beyond words. I could write a novel about my parents, and it would still never be enough to truly describe the kind of good, wonderful, kind, caring, brilliant, fantastic people they are. Nothing I could ever say will ever fully describe how much I love them, how grateful I am for them - and how lucky am I, to be able to say I was raised, and am still nurtured by, the greatest example of love and marriage and partnership I will ever know? 

I have aunts and uncles and more cousins than I can count - people I see often, and people I only ever see every few years, but all people who have always loved me unconditionally. And friends - oh man, my friends. Every year proves it to me more and more, but I have the most incredible friends. My mum reminds me of it, every so often - of how good my friends are, and God, they are the best people I have ever known. Friends, who hear about problems unfolding in my life and help me approach the solution in the most logical way. Friends, who talk me down from every panic and worry, no matter how silly. Friends, who literally hold my hand when I have to deal with something I’ve been dreading. Friends, who love me - not for who I used to be, when they first met me, but for who I am now, aged 25, grown and shaped by the life I have lived so far. 

Adulthood has been a process of realising life is never really perfect - but it’s full of beautiful moments that make every hard moment worth it. I could talk about so many beautiful moments this year - my niece falling asleep on me, the first time I got to meet her. My nephew, letting me carry him around, even though he’s way too big for it, now. Seeing my parents at the train station after so many very long months away from them. Cards, coming in the post - to say happy Easter, I love you, just to say hello. Texts, from friends I haven’t been able to see because the borders are still shut and it’s not safe, but who still say hi, good morning, I saw this and I thought of you. The moment I got my first dose of the vaccine and the nurse looked at my Irish passport and smiled, and said she was glad to be able to help me take another step toward going home. The moment my boss called me to say that she had gotten approval to offer me a permanent contract - the moment she told the rest of our team, and I realised just how appreciated I was. Slow Sunday brunches, and those first drinks when the bars reopened after lockdown. Wintery walks, and warm coffees, and doing everything we could to keep each other sane as we lived through the weirdest year of our lives. Good coffee - good food. A hot bath and a face-mask. FaceTiming a friend I haven’t seen in over a year because of the pandemic just to eat dinner together. Voice notes, describing the most mad and mundane things and making it so distance has never felt like it mattered. 

Writing.

Writing has always been a funny thing, for me. For so long, I had been so convinced that I needed to be a writer, or my life wouldn’t be truly fulfilled - and then when I realised I didn’t want to do that, I was lost. I wasn’t sure how to find my love for words again, and for years, on and off, I have fallen in and out of love with the hobby that has kept me sane during the craziest moments of my life. This year, 25, has been the first year in a long time that I feel like I have fallen completely, utterly, happily in love with writing - and maybe it's because I finally started writing for myself, and not for other people, and maybe that shows - but whatever it is, I am deeply, immensely, massively grateful to have found my love for writing again. 25 has been the year that I open a blank word document and feel inspired by the prospect, rather than crippled with anxiety.

25 has been about confidence, I think. Being confident in who I am - in my job, in my abilities. As much as I am proud of how much I have achieved in my career in a relatively short few years, it came complete with a side serving of imposter syndrome - and so 25 has been realising that I have achieved everything I have because I am really goddamn good at my job; and 25 has been realising saying that isn’t boasting, it’s the result of 5 years of university and even more years of working my ass off to get to where I am. I wish I could say I’m ending my 25th year as a completely confident person - I’m not. In some aspects of my life, maybe, but in others, no - and rather than dive down the rabbit hole that is my magnificent wealth of body image issues, I’ll just say that 25 has begun a process of healing - of appreciating my body, for how it has brought me this far, in life, of how resilient it is. I can figure out the rest later. 

My early twenties were the greatest adventure of my life - university, and studying abroad, and trips to new places every weekend, and no responsibilities beyond grades and making memories. It feels a bit like 25 has marked the end of a transitional period of my life - moving from the person who thrived at university and never imagined how life might be after, to becoming the person those years at university helped me to become. In a year, I will have been out of university longer than I was ever in it - and it’s strange, to voice that out-loud. When you’re in it, it feels like it’s always going to be the biggest part of your life, but it goes by, quicker than you realise. And that’s okay - really. Because growing up isn’t anywhere near as painful as I used to believe it would be. There’s a calmness, a certainty, a comfort, that comes with getting older, that I’m definitely ready for now. 

25 hasn’t been an earth-shattering year. So many of these have been written at wild, transitional moments of my life - the end of university, the end of my masters, the end of school, the end of my first six months living abroad. This year isn’t like that. This year, I turn 26 on a Wednesday - and I’m working, which is fine, because I’m getting to do a course I’m really excited about, and I’ll celebrate with some Korean food, and great company, and on Thursday, 26 will continue in much the same way as 25 did - in a job I love, surrounded by colleagues and friends and family who have always made sure I know I have never, and will never, be alone. And sure, I hope that this pandemic ends soon, and I can go back to rushing across Europe on every cheap flight and train I can get my hands on to discover the world with the friends I have been lucky to share my life with - but if 26 continues in much the same way 25 did, I think that’ll be just fine, too.

This has been 25 - and tomorrow, I turn 26, and that age ticking upward doesn’t scare me the way it used to - not when life is more than I could have ever imagined it being - and that’s coming from a little girl who had dreams bigger than she could comprehend. 

#its very long as per usual but writing these every year is my favourite form of therapy #in which i ramble #long post for ts #my writing tag #the birthday posts

[madamebaggio]

Notes: Previously...

It’s been a while since I posted a new chapter here, but I’ve missed their relationship.

As I said before, I started writing this and it got really dark and heavy. It was too angsty for what I was trying to achieve for this work, so I redone some pieces in hopes of lighting it a bit.

It didn’t work much, because the subject is grim, but I did my best.

ALERT: In this chapter there are mentions of past abuse, drug use and a drowning. Just letting you all know.

***

Chapter 6

Now Theon had a problem.

Fine, maybe it wasn’t a problem. He’d had this conversation with himself recently.

Figuring out if he was in love with his best friend did not constitute a problem.

He was truly worried that he was mixing up feelings.

It didn’t matter how much Sansa said it wasn’t his fault, or that she didn’t blame him: he’d always blame himself for what had happened between her and Ramsay.

When Theon was in his early twenties, he got involved with Ramsay Bolton. He started hanging around with him, because Ramsay was absolutely wild and he encouraged Theon to be the same.

Robb had been his best friend since forever, but -at the time- Theon felt that Robb was getting boring. He was way too proper.

Ramsay was the opposite of Robb. He threw insane parties, crashed amazing parties, had fistfights, the best weed, sold molly…

Theon fell hard down that rabbit hole, and he didn’t think he actually needed to come out. Maybe he was ruining his life, but it was his to ruin anyway.

Then he got indebted to Ramsay. The drugs, bets… All those things started piling up.

Ramsay said he’d forgive part of the debt if Theon introduced Sansa to him. He’d seen her around and thought she was pretty.

Theon did it, because he thought Sansa would never go for Ramsay. She was a nice girl, and she could do much better.

However, he wasn’t aware that she was going through a rough time herself. Joffrey, her former boyfriend, had been an abusive fuck and had just left her. She was still reeling from it and Ramsay was just there.

Theon was shocked when she started dating Ramsay and hanging around, but he soon forgot all about it. Sansa seemed happy partying with them and Theon hadn’t known she was also taking molly from Ramsay.

At the time, he also hadn’t known that Ramsay was also hurting her.

The day Sansa almost died, was the day it all changed. 

They were at this party at this house. It had a pool and they were drinking and listening to way too loud music.

Sansa had drunk a lot already and taken molly. Someone -one of Ramsay’s mates -pushed her into the pool, but -probably because of what she was in -she had a panic attack when she hit the water.

Everybody watched laughing, and it took Theon way too long to realise she was drowning. He was the one who jumped into the water and pulled her out. He was panicking and drunk himself, so he thought she wasn’t breathing.

When he asked someone to call an ambulance, the party broke and mostly everyone -Ramsay included -fled the scene. Theon was left basically alone and drunk with an unconscious Sansa.

One of the few people who’d stayed behind called an ambulance for Theon, while he tried to remember the lessons about CPR he’d taken many years before.

Sansa was taken to the hospital and faced many complications from the incident, and -after everything - Theon had wanted to stay away from her, because it was all his fault.

But then Robb came looking for him, because Sansa wouldn’t stop asking about him.

He went running back to her, to hold her hand and beg forgiveness, despite her insisting that it wasn’t necessary.

Sansa never blamed him for anything. Theon blamed himself for all of it.

They started going to therapy, promised to be honest with each other, cut on drinking and the insane behavior.

They stuck together for 5 years, holding each other’s hand, just being there sometimes.

He owed so much to Sansa and he didn’t think she knew it. She was like a beacon of pure light to his darkest moments.

Theon was so scared of ruining it. What if he thought he was in love with her and turned out to be wrong? What if she didn’t love him back?

“Do you want to kiss Sansa? Because if you do… Well, then it’s not just friendship.” Jon’s voice echoed on his head -not for the first time -making Theon’s thoughts even more confused.

Did he want to kiss Sansa?

***

“Theon, I have an idea.”

Theon groaned and covered his eyes. “Another one?”

“Yes.” Sansa confirmed sitting beside him. “According to Rickon…”

“The snitch.”

“They’ve raised their bets.” She finished, ignoring the jab.

“What? Why?”

“Because they think we’re about to admit we’re dating. For them, it’s a matter of time.” She snorted.

“So? What’s the plan exactly?”

“There aren’t many of them left at this point.” Sansa told him, a maniacal glee to her words. “The bet had a time limit, and the last day is a month from now.”

“And?”

“And once that day’s come and gone, we’ll tell them we knew all about it and collect the money.” She said triumphantly.

Theon arched an eyebrow. “What makes you think they’ll give us the money?”

“Because if they don’t I’ll tell dad about it.” She told him simply.

Theon guffawed at that, tears coming out of his eyes.

“Stop laughing.” Sansa pushed his shoulder.

“Oh babe…” He tried to get his breathing under control. “You’re such a spoiled brat.”

She pouted. “So you don’t want the money?”

“Of course I do.” He cleared his throat, then chuckled. “What do I have to do?”

“Ask Marge’s help to buy me flowers.”

“Why would I do that? You like winter roses mixed with baby’s breath and peonies.” He said as if it was obvious.

Theon didn’t know, but Sansa’s heart skipped a beat at that.

Oh Seven...

#madame baggio #IMAGES NOT MINE #crackship #modern au #game of thrones #Sansa Stark #Theon Greyjoy #Sansa X Theon #theonsa #maybe theyre seeing something we dont

[parkerpeter24]

How You Get the Girl – Tom Holland

warnings: a little bit swearing, angst, a bunch of bad writing, fluffy ending, nothing much.

“How do I get her back?” Tom asked as he plopped down next to you on the bed. It was a typical Friday night and you were in his apartment. Well, shared apartment.

“Have you tried, moving on?” Harrison asked back as he threw a bunch of popcorn from where he sat on the beenbag. You couldn’t help but giggle at the way your best friends acted. “Seriously Tom, it’s been six months and she haven’t even said anything to you.”

“Whatever, Haz.” Tom smiled at you, “(Y/n)....” He exaggerated with the same tone he used when he wanted you to take Paddy for tennis practice as he had a date with his, now ex-girlfriend, Zendaya.

“Nope.” You shook your head knowing very well what his next sentence was going to be. “Oh, come on! You’re the only one who could help me.” He placed a firm hand over yours. You stared at the direction of Harrison but he was too busy to help you with the little problem you were facing.

You sighed as you smiled softly at him, “Do you still love her?” You asked. He played with the ring that still rested on his ring finger.

“Yes!” He huffed, “I mean, who calls off an engagement just because of an misunderstanding?!”

“I know.” You said, removing your hand from underneath his and placing it above his.

“No, you don’t.” He snapped suddenly making you flinch a little. You thought he didn’t notice. “You should go. It’s getting late.” He stated, looking anywhere but you. It was very late indeed, it was 19:30. Note the sarcasm.

You knocked on the door a few times before it flew open. Tom looked up from where he held his phone in his hand and into your eyes. Those beautiful eyes that were red now and brimmed with tears that were waiting to drop down onto your red cheeks.

“He broke up with me.” You said with a calm voice. He winced at how your voice sounded, broken.

“What?! Come in.” He held your arm softly to which you flinched. His eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Did he-”

“No.” You shook your head knowing well what the question was. “He left me because I told him that I was pregnant.” Tom felt a chill run down his spine at the emptiness of your voice.

“Oh, darling...” He trailed off as he sat you on the couch with him and wrapped his arms around you. “He does not deserve you if he can’t even support you in such a time.” You felt protected with every word he spoke.

“I love him.” You cried into Tom’s shoulder as chocked sobs left your mouth. He ran his fingers through your hair in an attempt to calm you down.

It was the day you realised that you loved him. But that didn’t matter anymore now. He started dating his co-star, Zendaya Coleman, after his second marvel movie, Spider-Man: Homecoming. It was a good two years of relationship and they finally decided to get married, but last month, ‘something’ happened, as Tom would describe it, and Zendaya called off the engagement. He wouldn’t tell you what happened.

“Hey, cupcake? You came early. What about your movie night?” Your mom asked when she opened the door and saw you standing there, “Yeah mom, we called it quits. Where’s Lizzie?” You placed your bag on the kitchen counter.

“She’s asleep.” She said and you nodded. She could sense something was off with you as she asked, “Do you still want to have a movie night? We have lots of popcorn.” You smiled when she patted the empty space beside her on the couch.

There was a knock on the door. You opened it to see Tom standing there with two daisies in his hands, Lizzie’s favourite. “Merry Christmas, darling.” You smiled softly at him as he extended one towards you. “Where’s my girl?” He asked making your heart flutter.

“Upstairs, getting ready.” You replied. “What about you?” He asked pointing to your night suit. “Tom, you don’t need to take me along everywhere you go with-.” You started but he beat you to it, “I want to. Now get ready, come on, you’re killing the Christmas vibes.” You shook your head at him but nonetheless walked into your room to get ready.

“Spider-dad!” Lizzie exclaimed when he saw Tom in the living room. She would call him ‘spider-dad’ since she saw his face on the poster of his movie ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home.’ It didn’t help with the flips your stomach would do whenever you saw him smiling at that name.

Tom pulled up in the parking lot of the general store. You were there because Tom promised Lizzie a Christmas present. As soon as you got out she ran inside the store and you followed behind. She stopped in front of the soft toys section as started scanning through them. You chuckled at her.

“Did you like anything yet?” You turned around to the familiar British voice. You shushed him softly, “Don’t disturb her.” You both giggled as you said that.

“Mommy, look!” She pointed towards the ceiling, “Can I have that?” You looked up and your eyes widened.

A Mistletoe? You looked back down to see Tom having the same look spread over his face. Blood rushed to your face as you looked down at Lizzie to see her playing with a panda bear. You leaned up and placed a soft kiss onto his cheek.

You groaned when you heard the faint sound of pitter patter against the windowpane. You yawned and carefully got up from the couch as to not disturb your mum. It was your habit to stare at the rain from the porch of your house so you opened the door.

Well, let’s say that you were not expecting Tom Holland there standing in the centre of your lawn in the rain. You grabbed an umbrella and ran towards him, “Are you insane?” You asked, voice hoarse but loud, over the rain.

He grabbed the umbrella from your hand. You let it go hesitantly and he tossed it behind his head, chuckling at the shocked expression on your face. “I’m sorry for snapping at you last night.” He said softly and you looked at him with raised eyebrows, “Thomas, you are unbelievable!” You exclaimed and turned about to leave but he pulled you back in. Close enough to make your foreheads touch.

“Dance with me.” He pleaded. You sighed as your heart did a little stunt, “But there’s no music?” You asked. “I know, but do we need one?” He replied shortly, making you giggle. A soft gasp left your mouth as he placed a hand on your waist and the other interwined with one of yours. You swayed to the song of the rain.

It was too perfect to be true, “It’s been a long six months...” He trailed off and you just hummed along. He sighed, “(Y/n) I need you to know that...” You looked up into his eyes and he looked right into yours, “That, I love you.”

“You what?” You chocked on air, “But what about Zendaya, and you, you asked me to help you get her back?” You became more and more confused with every question that came into your mind. He took a deep breath before he started, “I’ve loved you for, well forever but I couldn’t tell you. I told Zendaya that and she called off the engagement. She understood maybe, we never had time for each other. I’m sorry for not telling you but when I saw that look on your face last night, I knew that I had to. Maybe, you won’t talk to me now but I’m really-”

He was rambling, but you stopped him by placing your lips over his in a swift move. Your lips moved in synch with each other and with the the drops of rain. The kiss was short but sweet and you pulled away for the urge to breath.

“I love you too.” You smiled into his hoodie, which was now wet. As you both moved towards your house, Tom couldn’t help but think how he got the girl?

~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~**~~~

A/n: It’s trash but I would love if you read it. Tell me if you wanna be tagged.❤️🖤

Also, I’m so sorry for being dead and not responding to your requests guys😅

Taglist:

@spideyyeet @screamholland @overly-obsessed @venusparker @clqudsparker @avengersgroupchat @spider-manholland @justanotherfanfic @spidey-swift @harrysbbby @angelhaz11 @tomhollanddaily @peterparkersshitlist @hollandroos @peterparkerdaily @parkerpete @farfromhaz @afictionaladventure16 @fairytaleparker @parkerpter @peterparkerstingle @parkerpunology @dazzling-rubabe @parkerpuff @eeyore101247 @preciouspparkers @missbasicxxx @plushparker @spideyboipeter @spideyboipete @hazmyheart @hollandraul @dahliaspidey @itstomhollands @drunklili @ploont @ppkrtingle @spooky-starker-week @cherryredparker @hollandharrison @angelic-holland @lauras-collection @dear-selena @rubberducky-jrr @audreylovespidey706 @silver-winter-wolf @blueberryison @parkerpete @miss-nerd95

#tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fandom #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker blurb #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker #peter x you #mcu fic #marvel mcu #mcufam #mcu fanfiction #mcu imagine #mcu fanart #fluff #angst #i want tom holland for christmas #christmas #love parker #how you get the girl

[darth-el]

Battle Of Starcourt

Pairing: Steve x Henderson!Reader Warning: Bit of violence but nothing too bad A/N: This was based on a request and I’m so sorry it’s taken so long to post, but I hope you enjoy it and feedback is always welcome.

Masterlist

Starcourt was in complete and utter chaos when you arrived with Joyce and Hopper. The chaos had seeped into the atmosphere, everyone was talking over one another trying to make sense of what happened and how it was all connected. You immediately ran over to Dustin and tackled him for a hug taking him by surprise. “Oh my god Dusty!” You screamed as you never thought you were going to see him again after being chased by the Terminator himself.

“Y/N!” He pushed you off as if he was embarrassed but his smile said otherwise. “I never thought I was going to see you again!” He clung onto you tight and you hugged him equally tight, until it sunk in fully what he said.

“What?” You looked at him shaking your head slightly and blinked several times hoping you misheard because he didn't know what you were doing so he must have been talking about himself. Your eyes start scanning the room while he explained about the Russians and the elevator, the moment he mentioned Steve your eyes zoned in on him and he was beaten and bruised but you were angry that he endangered your baby brother's life.

“STEVE!” You shouted storming over to him, fortunately you and Steve were close so you knew you could shout at him if need be and say what needed to be said and you'd be fine within in minutes. He backed off slightly when he saw you marching over to him. “How could you let my baby brother almost get killed?” Usually you'd hit him with whatever was in your hand, but you didn't want to hurt him more.

“He said we'd be American heroes.” The moment he said that he knew how ridiculous that sounded.

“We get chased by the goddamn Terminator, and you almost get killed because you wanted to be heroes.” You were about to hit the roof. You could hear the in the background Erica insulting Murray which if you weren't so angry you would be laughing.

“I'm sorry.” He held up his hands in defeat, in that moment you instantly turned soft.

“What happened to you?” You asked looking at Steve's face very worried, and concerned that he had become Hawkins' own living punchbag.

“I got tortured and drugged by a bunch of Russians.” He said like it was nothing.

“Your brother saved us.” Robin interjected proudly, hoping it would be infectious. You did feel proud but he shouldn't be living through the things that he has.

“How badly does it hurt?” You cupped Steve's chin to get a better look at the damage.

“Really bad.” He winced as you gently moved his head.

“Give me a second,” You walked over to your bag and dug through it looking for painkillers as you never left the house without them. “You did good Dusty, I'm proud of you,” You smiled at him as he watched you go through your bag. “If you do anything like that again though it won't be Russians you have to worry about.” You lightly nudged Dustin who nodded as he knew you were like a protective mama bear when it came to him and his friends. “Here you go.” You put the painkillers in Steve's hand smiling.

The plan had come together and you were going with Hopper, Murray, and Joyce down below, Murray was not happy about the codename at all. “Keep my baby brother safe or I will send you to the Upside Down.” You threatened Steve with a soft smile.

“You stay safe.” Steve hugged you tightly ignoring your threat, you couldn't help notice there being a smell lingering on him but you weren't entirely sure what it was; you just hoped it wasn't a new cologne he was trying. When he let you go you gave Dustin another hug.

“I think you need keep Steve safe more than he needs to keep you safe.” You whispered making him laugh and agree with you. You took off his hat and ruffled his hair which annoyed him as he stuck the hat back on. Give you one more hug as you parted ways.

You could tell Hopper was getting inpatient by Murray conversing with the Russian soldiers who were interrogating him. The moment Murray slipped up Hopper open fired, Joyce screamed loudly at this but it got the job done faster. You became used to Hopper's bull in a china shop mentality, sometimes it worked and others it didn't. This was one of those times it didn't fully work, meaning you all had to improvise. You had to admit to yourself that you looked good in the Russian uniform and you were planning on keeping it, once everyone had their uniforms on you and Joyce hopped into the back of a vehicle and made your way to the first location until you felt it stop, you both wondered what happened. Laughter was heard and it made you really confused.

“Why are you talking so much?” Joyce asked Murray as she climbed out with you following behind her.

“He was nice,” Murray said nonchalantly.

“He was nice?” Joyce reiterated trying to wrap her head around this interaction.

“He was a nice guard.” Murray was getting tired of having to explain himself.

“Yeah, I mean, we should probably invite him over after all this done,” Hopper rolled his eyes trying to antagonise Murray.

“I could bake him a casserole.”

“Get a six-pack, share some laughs. You know, have a drink.” Murray was seething at Joyce and Hopper's attitude but you were thankful they weren't arguing for once. Murray opened the vent and communicated with Scoops Troop.

“I hate children.” He sighed as he climbed and instructed you all to smile and nod if anyone said anything. You were sitting in the corner trying to stay out the way of Joyce and Hopper because there was still tension in the atmosphere and you didn't want to get stuck in the middle of it again, like you had done for the entire day. Hopper was pacing and worried for El which was understandable. The tension left the air once he admitted that they were a pretty good team. You were like a fly on the wall for the whole conversation about making it out alive. You squealed once they finally arranged a date making them both jump and turning their attention to you.

“Sorry,” You beamed happily while clapping gently. “It's finally happened,” They looked confused at your statement. “Murray isn't the only one who thought it was a lovers quarrel.” Your smile was huge, over the past couple of years Joyce had become like a second mom and Hopper was like a father figure so you were insanely happy to see that this was their time.

“We have a problem!” You heard Dustin yell down the walkie talkie.

“What kind of problem?” Hopper went into survival mode almost instantly as did you as Dustin explained.

“Bald Eagle has landed.” Murray interjected.

“How much longer?” Jim asked sounding desperate.

“I don't know, I've never done this before!” Murray shouted down the walkie talkie and then made a comment about love birds meaning he was close. The alarms were going and you ran through the door to do what you needed to do as it was time. You ran into a Russian and the only word you understood was the name 'Mikhail' and you just smiled and nodded until he let you three go. You fell through a door and found a safe. The code you were given was wrong and you hit your head against the wall while Hopper and Murray argued. Dustin's voice was on the other end and what turned out to be Suzi's voice who was pleading with him to do something which was the worst possible time. You were stifling your laughter when you heard them both singing, but it was really sweet. Hopper was looking like he was contemplating his life choices and Joyce was ready to give up until they heard the code and immediately punched it in.

You were standing in the room with the weapon which was severely malfunctioning thanks to Murray. It was a relief to know everything was about to end as Hopper got the keys out. Hopper was keeping watch and you were getting ready to turn the keys on three. Hopper was suddenly thrown across the room and you looked round to see the Terminator fighting Joyce who ran for the gun. You tried to fighting him, but you ultimately lost because of the advantage he had over you which meant you ended up in a pretty bad way. You weren't ready to give up though, you tried tripping him over which worked until he grabbed your leg and forcing something to break making you scream as you heard a loud snap as he got up you felt the sole of his boot hit your face knocking you out.

You woke up and everything was silent, Hopper was nowhere to be seen, Joyce and Murray were trying to carry you back to the surface. You winced at the pain when realised there was more weight on your leg than there should have been. The gate was closed and you felt like it was over.  Government soldiers helped you onto the surface. You hobbled about looking at the utter chaos that had ensued above until you were taken over to an  ambulance. While getting checked over Steve ran over to you hugging you ignoring the paramedic who was about to give you something for the pain. The pain shot through you like lightning.

“Jesus Christ.” Steve laughed relieved to see you were still alive.

“How bad do I look?” You asked still wincing in pain.

“Worse than me.” He teased moving a bloody strand of hair out of your face making you laugh. Dustin climbed into the ambulance pushing Steve out of the way. The paramedic rolled his eyes.

“Only one person can be in here with her.” He sighed giving them a death glare. Steve gave you kiss on the top of the head and climbed out letting Dustin stay with you. The paramedic administered the painkiller and Dustin's babbling became more and more funny to you, you were really enjoying this drug.

Once you had your leg in the cast due to a clean break in your foot thanks to the Terminator, Steve came in with some flowers he had got in a gas station on the way to you, Dustin was asleep in the chair curled up. Steve placed the flowers on your lap, you grabbed his hand and started stroking it.

“I hate the Terminator,” You joked shaking your head as you picked up the flowers and started smelling them. You couldn't really smell them as you were pretty sure you had lost your sense of smell. The painkiller was wearing off but you were still giggly and you hadn't regained your social filter.

“I'm glad you're safe,” Steve smiled taking the flowers from you making you fight back, so he could put them in the vase by your bed.

“I'm glad I'm safe.” You giggled sitting up a bit more in the bed. “I'm also glad Dustin kept you safe.” You smiled at him poking at his nose and cheek with your index finger making him laugh. Your pupils were the size of dinner plates still.

“He's a fighter, and he gets that from his sister,” Steve laugh was soft and gentle.

“Yes he does,” You grinned at Steve making him laugh even more, both of you forgetting that Dustin was asleep in the chair.

“Now that all this over,” Steve sighed contently making himself comfortable on the bed and wrapped an arm around you making you look up at him wide eyed, he wasn't sure if it was from the drugs or if you could read his mind. You hummed in response. “Do you maybe want to go on a proper date?” He asked slightly tensing up from the thought of rejection.

“A date date?” You asked to clarify as your head was becoming foggy.

“A date date.” He smiled pulling you tighter.

“I would love nothing more.” Your mind was getting foggier by the second but you knew you wanted to kiss him, so you decided to try pull him in for one.

“Nope, that is not happening.” Dustin blurted out pretending to wake up but was obviously listening to entire conversation.

“Dude seriously.” Steve laughed.

“Date her, yes. Anything else is a strong no.” Dustin stated as he got up and left the room. Steve turned his attention to you but you had fallen fast asleep in his arms.

#Stranger Things #Stranger Things One Shot #Stranger Things Imagine #Stranger Things x You #Stranger Things x Reader #Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington x You #Steve Harrington x Reader #Steve Harrington One Shot #Stranger Things 3 #ST3

[honey-bird-04]

this is my first post

Hullo. This is my 3rd time rewriting this, because sumthin’ kept fucking up every time I tried to write it. But let’s hope this time goes smoothly cause I got a lot to say. I don’t have anywhere else to put this, so I decided, why not come to Tumblr and see what everyone else thinks. So, let’s get started. I have been a Gleek since I was in 6th grade. And as much as I know that the show is cringey and hard to watch, my sister and I genuinely enjoyed it (although now we mostly watch it ironically). And we always had a favoritism system going, our favorite characters were blatantly obvious, and we were fishing for least favorite characters when we could. So, our lists of favorite characters/ships looked a little something like this: Favorites: -Kurt Hummel -Finn Hudson -Rachel Berry -Santana Lopez -Brittany S Pierce -Blaine Anderson Least favorites: -Quinn Fabray -Noah Puckerman -Terry Schue -Sue Sylvester -Jessie St James -Sebastian Smythe Favorite ships: -Finchel -Klaine -Brittana -Wemma And even though that doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with that set up in particular, I’m going to explain to you why my views have changed. Especially on my least favorite characters. And disclaimer!! Any and all of these characters that I list on my least favorites have nothing to do with race, gender, disability, sexuality etc. They are solely based on personality and how their actions affected others. That’s it. That’s what I’m basing it off of. Same goes for my favorite characters as well. And believe me I will give a lengthy explanation for each and every one of them I promise. So I’m going to be listing the least favorites from LEAST bad/toxic to MOST bad/toxic. And don’t be upset if one of your favorites are on here. Just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean you can’t like them. Just make that clear. These are only things that I’ve picked up and I’ve noticed throughout the show and watching back important clips and such from the show. Coming in at #7: Mercedes Jones: I know what’s coming already. And I’m going to have to tell y’all this loud and clear. Mercedes is not a diva. She’s just a bitch. I’ve never liked Mercedes, and not because she was black, but just because she had an awful personality and she was awful to the people around her. I think the only time I really saw her being nice to someone was when she was dating Sam, or when she was dating that football player. And a few times when she was with Kurt. The main problem I have with her is in S1E3: Bust Your Windows, she busted Kurt’s front windshield all because he had a crush on someone else. And I can guarantee you guys this. If a guy did that to a girl, like if Kurt had done that to Mercedes instead, y’all would’ve been outraged. She had no reason to bust his window like that and then get all sassy to him when he got upset about it. Coming in at #6: Santana Lopez: And this is another character that y’all are so set on saying that she’s a diva. But no. Santana is a straight up bitch. And before you guys say “she was closeted/insecure/outed!” etc, Kurt was also insecure and closeted in the first season and he was never rude to anybody in the way Santana was. And secondly, Finn didn’t out her until S3E6: Mash Off, and I can tell you she had been acting like a huge bitch way before then. All I have to do is pull up all of the times she’s been anti-semetic to Rachel, fatphobic to Finn and Lauren, attacked people’s insecurities and was just being god awful. One of my least favorite scenes from her is when she went on that entire rant about why Blaine and Kurt didn’t work out, and she attacked Kurt’s teeth, his sexuality, his dancing, his s3xual appeal, and just about everything Kurt was insecure about. All because he said that he thought Santana and Brittany were too young to get married. And I honestly agreed with him, Britt and San were 19. Definitely too young to get married, and Kurt was just trying to relate his failure with Blaine to warn them that getting married this young wasn’t something that they wanted to do. But no. Santana didn’t listen to him trying to reason with her, she just told him basically “you suck, Blaine really hates you, get your crap together.” And I have always had a problem with it. Not to mention she called Quinn a slut. And no matter what situation you are in, I don’t believe it’s okay to call any girl a slut. Actually, I don’t think it’s okay to call anybody a slut. Because I’m bringing this back. If Finn had called Quinn a slut, you guys would be all over him and cancelling that character so fast, but as soon as Santana says it, it’s okay? That never sat right with me either. And again, the way she relentlessly bullies Rachel for everything she’s insecure about, especially her height and nose is not okay. It doesn’t matter how much you dislike someone. Making fun of her nose to the point where as soon as she breaks it, she’s immediately thinking of getting a nose job. That is not okay. And there’s a speculation that Santana was the one who pushed Rachel over the edge to try and fall into bulimia. And I don’t doubt it. Santana is not a nice person. And her internalised homophobia does not excuse anything that she’s said or done. Not to mention she has Britt wrapped around her finger and she knows that she’ll do anything she asks. Like when Santana was fantasizing about forcing Britt to break up with Artie if she became Prom Queen because it would be “the law of the land” that is absolutely inexcusable. Because we all know Britt is naive and has some sort of DD or autism, and the characters in the show take that and use it to their advantage. Especially Santana. Coming in at #5: Artie Abrams: Now before you come for my ass, let me tell you. I actually used to really like Artie. He was pretty high up on my ranking Glee characters lists that I used to make all the time. But now that I’ve rewatched and I’ve noticed more things, I just cant like him with a good conscience. Remember in season 1 when Tina told him that she doesn’t really have a stutter? Well, if you remember, he broke up with her after that. But if you were closely watching the show, you should’ve realised that Tina has some sort of social anxiety, (not that I’m excusing her faking a disability), but she has a reason for doing it. She (presumably) took up the stutter because she needed a way to avoid having to speak so much in public. Which is totally understandable! Artie didn’t have to break up with her. She confided in him to finally tell him what she had been hiding for so long and he just breaks up with her??? Are you kidding? That just goes to show that one of the only reasons he was dating her was because of her disability. If he broke up with her so fast for not actually having one. Even though she had an actual reason that she did it. Another thing about Artie that I hate is that he called Britt stupid. And that is a huge deal. Everyone in the school calls Britt stupid or something along those lines (even Santana) and as soon as she finds the one guy who doesn’t think that way of her, he breaks her trust. She technically did cheat on him, but as I said earlier, she bends to Santana’s every order and she has some sort of DD or autism and didn’t understand that it was cheating. She even told Artie she didn’t understand it. And instead of sitting her down and explaining to her and giving her a second chance to prove her new knowledge to good use, he just calls her stupid and makes her cry. And then this one is obvious. Artie didn’t fucking wear c0ndoms while he was having s3x with those two girls in New York and didn’t actually tell them he had chlamydia. Which just pissed me off so much it makes me angry just talking about it. Coming in at #4: Finn Hudson: Oh ho ho. Finn Hudson makes me so angry. Let me just start off with everything he did (and didn’t do) to/for Kurt. Starting with the infamous “faggy scene” after Kurt tried to make amends with Finn for all the arguing they had been doing by redecorating their room. As ugly as it looked (lmao), he did his best to try and appeal to what a straight guy would like without making it too masculine so he would feel comfortable sleeping in there too. He tried to appeal to Finn’s interests as well as his own and had to do it all on short notice. But as soon as Finn saw it, the first thing he said was “are you freaking insane?” and Kurt just deflated. If you watch the scene, you can see it. You can physically see Kurt’s hard work all go to waste because of that comment. But then Finn follows it up with saying “I can’t live here, I’m a dude.” That line for me is the one that really made me dislike Finn very very strongly, because he not only said Kurt wasn’t a man to his face, he also views Kurt as nothing but his sexuality. That is further proven when he describes how uncomfortable he is around Kurt just because Kurt has a crush on him. And yes, Kurt was creepy, but after then, when they started living together, he just tried his best to make Finn feel as welcome and as comfortable as he can make him feel. But then sees that everything has been pointless, because Finn makes it a point to tell him that he puts his underwear on in the shower before he comes out when Kurt’s around. And that’s just fucked up. And a lot of people say that Finn “didn’t mean it” when he said the f-slur, but let me tell you something. You don’t just accidentally say something twice out of anger. If you really didn’t mean it, you would apologise right when it left your mouth. But Finn’s lack of an apology only proves that he meant every word of what he said. Next is when Finn refused to help Kurt out with Karofsky. I can only talk briefly about this because it actually makes me so fucking mad I can’t explain it. So, Rachel asks him to help Kurt out and confront Karofsky, right? And Finn refuses. Because, and I quote: “We both know I can help him more if I stay on top.” And I think he even says “Kurt will be fine” too, completely ignoring the fact that Kurt is so terrified to go to school, he’s losing weight (there are speculations that he cuts), but Finn doesn’t care about that. He only cares about the fact that he needs to stay popular. Oh and the fact that Karofsky plays right guard and wont guard him during the football game is he’s pissed and they’ll lose. He picks FOOTBALL and POPULARITY over his soon-to-be stepbrother’s MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/PYSICAL H E A L T H. I cannot explain how angry that makes me. Not to mention, the amounts of times he’s played victim. Especially with Rachel. One time that really pisses me off is when he goes “have you ever thought about what I’m going to do in New York?” and Rachel starts stammering over herself and assuring him that she’ll find something that he fits into since he doesn’t know what he’s going to do with his future. And then he asks her about California and Puck’s pool business. Even though he knows Rachel has been set on New York and NYADA since she was a little girl. He knows that she has all of those ambitions and she has an entire plan in her life and she’s already trying to shift those plans to fit Finn in with her. And for him to tell her that he wants her to give all of that up to come with him and Puck to California is actually more selfish than Rachel is. Oh! And not to mention he outed Santana too. Let’s not forget that. In front of basically the whole damn school too. He also kissed Emma. And he also cheated on Rachel with Quinn. And then actually broke up with Rachel when she made out with Puck a bit because she wanted to get him back for cheating on her and sleeping with Santana (even though it doesn’t excuse what she did at all, I just think Finn was being a hypocrite.) And he also cheated on Quinn with Rachel in the first season, and he led Rachel on for the entire first season, Or most of it at least. Coming in at #3: Mr. Schue: I’m just gonna speed through this: -He was a creep/pedo with both the girls and the boys -He had a savior complex and tried to force Emma’s OCD away and fix it instead of help her -He encouraged Emma’s crush on him even while he was married -He twerked with a bunch of minors -Suspended a minor for not wearing a bra she was uncomfortable in -He dealt really badly with Rachel’s crush on him -Never listened to his students’ input -hallucinated children while he was sick -Was very awkwardly touchy with his students -His best friend was 19 -refused to stop twerking even when offered the exchange for a trans student to use a staff bathroom to avoid getting bullied -overreacted after finding out Terry wasn’t pregnant Now the moments you’ve all been waiting for. Coming in at #2: Noah Puckerman: Now I was stuck on Puck for a while, I didn’t think he really was that bad of a guy for a long time. But just one thing Quinn says was enough to sway me and put him this high on my list. In one of the earlier episodes, Puck starts teasing her and being a dick after finding out she’s pregnant. And so she says: “You got me drunk off of wine coolers and I was feeling fat that day...” Now if you break that sentence down, she literally says “you got me drunk.” implying that Puck himself wasn’t drunk when this all took place. Meaning, Noah Puckerman r@ped Quinn Fabray. She never cheated on Finn. Puck purposely got her drunk just so he could get what he wanted. Especially considering she never put out and she was president of the Celibacy Club. Now must I say anything else? No. I didn’t think so. And finally, coming in at #1: Blaine Anderson: I know Blaine is everyone’s smol bean gay bb boy. (*gag) but I have to tell you that he is not a good person whatsoever. I’ll give him credit though. In the 2nd season he was really sweet and I actually really liked him. But as the seasons progressed, he got worse. In S3E5, Blaine and Kurt go to a gay bar together, and Kurt helps Blaine out after he gets too drunk. Then as soon as he tries to get Blaine in the car, Blaine starts coming onto him and kissing his neck and trying to convince him to have s3x with him, even though Kurt keeps repetitively saying no. And then he plays the victim after Kurt blows up at him and says “well I’m sorry for trying to be spontaneous and fun!” and then proceeds to walk home, getting mad at Kurt for nothing. Then in another episode. I think it was later in season 3, Kurt meets Chandler. And Blaine had been ignoring him for a while before that, so Kurt starts talking to Chandler only because he makes him feel good about himself. And he obviously thought it was okay because Blaine did the same thing with Sebastian but called him all the time and flirted with him and dirty danced with him etc. So when Blaine goes through Kurt’s phone, he finds the messages and makes a huge deal out of it and accuses Kurt of cheating on him. Then publicly humiliates him in front of the Glee club with a song about cheating. And then proceeds to go and cheat on him anyway. And then as soon as they were going to NYADA together, Blaine didn’t like all the attention Kurt was getting after he started to get more fit and more attractive and he was extremely jealous of him and over protective, not letting Kurt have any other male attention. At all. And Blaine is just super stingy with Kurt and doesn’t let him live his life and then pays victim whenever he gets confronted by him. Oh and not to mention he dated the one person that made Kurt’s life a living hell for the longest time and decided to rub it in his face. So there we have it folks. My new least favorite Glee characters and all the reasons why. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#glee #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #finn hudson #artie abrams #brittany s pierce #santana lopez #rachel berry #quinn fabray

[theforgottendaydreamer]

Hey! It’s me the anon again! I totally get what you are saying but from the opposite of the spectrum where memorization feel is impossible but my adhd(I also probably have asd I am working with a therapist to try to find a place to do an evaluation at the moment) allows for me to make an insane amount of connections. So like I get it but from the opposite end? It’s still tricky but I am better at analyzing things then memorizing them. Like when I took art history I for the life of me couldn’t remember terms/names/dates of art pieces but i do remember stories about them and can analyze things really well.

My biggest issue is getting overwhelmed with what is in my head because it’s too much so it can be hard to get it out. I am constantly connecting things in an interdisciplinary way to the point I have had one of my college professors say that I am one of the most interdisciplinary thinkers she knows if not the most. I can’t turn it off and I low key wonder if my brain only understands life through metaphors lol.

Idk if that made sense since I am just waking up from a nap and I am barely coherent but I get that different things work better for different people! I am interested in how dyscalculia effects how people learn! I think 1-3 people in my hall at college have it? I have a little bit of an understanding but I want to know more. In another life I would definitely study neurodivergence and the brain. I am just glad that none of my college classes so far have required exams. Only essays and art pieces(one of my majors is studio art)

From my experience (everyone has different experiences) dyscalculia affects my ability to process simple information that require reasoning rather than memory. It's gonna be a long post, so I'll write everything else under the cut.

I'll try to explain it with an example, starting from math: take something as simple as take-aways, the ones you do in elementary school, even.

The other day, I had to calculate 2021-14. My reasoning was flawed from the start, and I only realised it after my parents made me notice.

I said "okay, let's simplify this." because I know I have to, "If it were 2020-15, that would be 5." I know as much, because as long as something's a multiple of two or of five, I can manage.

I continued, "2020-15=2005. But I need to consider the 1 I dropped to go from 2021 to 2020, and the 1 I added to go from 14 to 15." and I can tell you that I just had to check with my calculator because I was doing it wrong again. Anyway.

"Since I added 1 and took away 1, it would be like doing 1-1, so 0... 2021-14=2005."

And I still swear on whatever you believe in that it still makes no sense to me, even if I try to draw the little dots as if I were six years old. Like, right now. I don't get it. I really took away one and added one, so why would 2021-14=2007? Where did I take that extra 2 from? Try and explain it to me, and I promise that I still won't get it.

I just don't get what I'm doing it wrong, and if the calculator weren't there I'd be dead by now.

Now, expand this problem to every little thing that involves critical thinking. Everything. Most of the problems involve numbers, but not only, sadly.

Formulas. You know algebra, right? Numbers are rare there, and most problems involve data that are letters, or numbers that really don't need to be processed on their own, it's a matter of copying them down correctly.

So, you just need to use the right formula, put the data there, and it's done.

Wrong.

Visual memory allows me to remember formulas easily, but I don't know how to pick the correct data.

If I know that something's, like, the speed of a body, and I know that the speed of a body goes in a certain little spot of the formula, I'll still get it wrong because something happens in between me understanding where I need to put the data and me putting the data in there. I don't know how to explain it, but everything makes no sense at that point.

I can write down the normal formula with each incognita without a problem, but I can't go farther than that because everything is too confused. It's like looking at a language you don't know that uses an alphabet you can't read. You may or may not recognize some patterns, but if you don't know what you're reading, it's like not knowing anything at all.

The other day, my dad explained to me how a turboshaft engine works. Friendly reminder that my average grade in physics was 4/10, never got more than a 6.5/10, despite my best efforts (too many numbers, too many data I didn't know where to put).

Anyway, he explained how that thing works from a mechanical point of view. Did I understand it in its entirety? No. Could I put it into words here for you? Maybe. Could I "draw" it and explain what each part is and how it works from a mechanical pov (so, no data)? Yes, a hundred percent.

What I do is impress the general shape of something- words, images, anything- in my brain, and put it aside. When I need it, I go find it (my technique is to look left, then slightly upwards. That's how I see things in a better way) and just copy it.

Which, by the way, reminded me to say that I also mix up right and left, since I read this thing three times and only realised that I wrote the wrong direction just a second before posting it. This is why I only use the GPS on mute.

Anyway- of course, I don't have perfect visual memory (my grades surely show that), and it doesn't help in each and every situation, and it's also tiring.

But. What I'm great at it's echoic memory. I remember people's voices and what they say to me (out loud) perfectly. I remember my teachers' voices from kindergarten. The info usually fades after a while, but it lasts long enough for me to use it when I need it for a test, or something. And the tone, the characterization of each voice- I don't ever forget those. This is why I remember songs I've heard once, maybe twice, years and years ago. I just... do.

It's not like I have good memory. I forget people's faces, people's names, streets, everything. But only when I know that I won't necessarily need them, or when I could always ask for them again.

My visual and echoic memory kick in when I need info pronto.

Does that make any sense to you? Sorry for the long post aaaa!!

Edit: figured I should add more things that dyscalculia causes.

Plus, only talking about math and anything related to numbers that I know I'll have to elaborate in some way makes me physically sick. Some of my friends think it's funny, I don't, 'cause math anxiety isn't just "aaa I freeze in front of the blackboard", no, it's also (for the most part, too) something that- speaking personally- activates my fight or flight instinct. Imagine an anxiety attack, but not the GAD kind (I do have GAD so I know what I'm talking about), but more "I am in danger. The danger is caused by this. This is dangerous."

I skip numbers when I count (farewell number 7 and everything that ends with it), can't tell 4 and 7 apart without focusing hard, no perception of time, distance, weight, nor speed, I don't understand graphs nor know how to make them properly. Also, mundane events don't happen in the proper order because of me. Just earlier I turned the car off, left the car, reached my doorstep, realized I hadn't locked the car, went to check my bag for the keys, didn't find them, went back the car only to find that I'd even left the door open, and the keys in. Or, sometimes I grab a tissue, throw it away, and realize that I forgot to blow my nose. Etc.

This happens- I think- because the brain cannot comprehend what it's looking at, despite everyone around seems to understand what one's brain should understand as well. It's like when you're stuck in a dream where everyone's laughing and you don't know if they're laughing at you, or at something else. In dreams, you don't ask, you can't. You're frozen and just stick to what you're trying to do.

It works exactly like that.

#ask #anon ask #dyscalculia #dyscalculia awareness #math cw #maths cw #i'd say #math tw #for me. i'm not kidding.

[the-hidden-writer]

An Odd Family Tree

A series of snippets from the lives of the FitzSimmons family, set post 7x13. Also, the series of events that lead up to the birth of their grandson.

Available to read on AO3 and FF.net.

Comments make my day!

Epilogue (1)

.Q.000000073.FS.M. D_01.15.1985_2153. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“So, um, hi. It’s me. This is attempt seventy-three at getting this stupid thing to work, blah blah blah, etcetera. I, uh… miss you, wish you were here, all the usual stuff. Love you.”

“Maybe you should, perhaps, at least consider giving up? This is, as you said, the seventy-third attempt at a successful communication, and since it is taking up a considerable portion of your time-”

“No. No way. I’m not gonna give up now. I mean, you helped me build it! You’re seriously gonna let all that hard work go to waste?”

“That was not what I was implying. You could, instead, view the problem from a different angle.”

“Which angle, Enoch?! You think I haven’t done that already?! This stupid machine already has too many damn angles!”

“If you are counting the inner components then there are approximately-”

“Yeah, didn’t mean that literally buddy. But I guess you’re right. Like normal. Ugh... I kinda wish I’d properly thought about this before I- wait, did you hear that?”

“Hear what exactly?”

“D- there! That beeping noise. You heard that, right? I’m not just going insane?”

“I have noticed that you display multiple symptoms of psy-”

“Hold on, it’s still online!”

“Oh. It is.”

“It- It’s transmitting fine, recording smoothly, sound quality’s decent so remind me to fix that but… it’s working. It’s actually working!”

“Well done. But I do have to warn you that this technology should not exist on Earth in this time period.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Right, Enoch, I’m gonna need you to get out of here. This beautiful thing is finally working and I kinda wanna use it before it blows up or something.”

“Of course.”

“Uh… in private? Alone?”

“Oh, I understand. You wish to record your message alone. Without me. In that case, I will take your leave, Director Shaw.”

“See you, buddy. Right. Now I just gotta press thi-”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000000074.FS.M. D_01.15.1985_2157. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Um… I… *ahem* This is a message for Leopold Fitz and Jemma Simmons. It’s a for-their-ears-only sort of thing, so if you’re not either of them then… uh… stop listening? No! Actually, if you’re not Leopold Fitz or Jemma Simmons, make sure this message gets to them. Please.”

“...I’m guessing this is Fitz or Simmons listening now. Hopefully both. Well, uh… it’s me! It’s Deke! I can’t believe I finally got this thing to work, haha. Uh… yeah.”

“So… you’re probably wondering what’s going on over here. SHIELD got blown up and- oh yeah, you guys were here for that. Or Nana was I think. It’s been a few years, I can’t remember exactly. Gotta adapt, y’know?”

“Speaking of! The second you guys left I might’ve accidentally become director of SHIELD. Which wasn’t my fault! I was nominated! Besides, I don’t know what was supposed to happen so…”

“Right, how am I sending this message. Funny story, actually. A few months after you guys left, Enoch turned up at my mansion and casually asked if he could murder me. Not our Enoch, by the way, this timeline’s Enoch. And he only wanted to kill me because he said I was this huge anomaly in the fabric of the universe and I could potentially doom humanity by just being here. Which sounds kind of dramatic, but nothing’s happened so far so I’m guessing we’re in the clear.”

“Basically, I managed to convince him that I was a good guy. I told him everything that happened and showed him my scars and everything to get him to believe me. And he did… eventually. He even helped me to build this quantum processor. Since this side is working now, I’m guessing it’ll work on the other end too. I’ve set it up to be like a mailbox that picks up anything that’s sent from the other end, so you won’t have to do the DNA-gene-splitting thing that I had to do to make sure it found you. You’re welcome.”

“It’s only audio for now. The 80s are great, but the technology sucks. And if we wanted to record video then I wouldn’t be able to buy supplies without getting asked about it. Equipment is expensive. Who knew. I’ll try and figure out at least how to send an image because I bet you’re missing my beautiful face.”

“That was the other thing: I miss you guys. It’s strange… I’ve spent most of my life on the Lighthouse and I knew a whole bunch of people there. Then when I came with you guys, sure it felt weird with them not being there, but I never really missed them. Probably because they came from that place.”

“But I miss you every day. Literally, every single day. And I love you. People look up to me here, but I don’t exactly have any family. I’ve got the Deke Squad, I guess, but they’re a different type of family. Not like you two.”

“So um, please send something back whenever you get this. I’ve set it so whenever you send something back, it’ll arrive here straight after I send the message you last listened to. I feel like I’m a time travel master now.”

“So I guess I’ll just… wait here. For your reply. Or just any sort of confirmation that you got this message. I’ll try and send you both a message at least once a week but it’d be great to get something back. I’m looking forward to hearing your voices.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000000079.FS.M. D_02.15.1985_1623. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Hey Nana and Bobo, it’s me again. Here’s the thing- it’s been a month. It’s been a whole month which is making me think that it’s something on my end. I’ll try and find the problem and fix it since I’d hate for your messages to get lost in that weird void between me and you.”

“But, if I’m gonna be honest, I realised that I don’t actually have any way of knowing if you guys made it back or not. Heck, I don’t even know if you managed to stop the chronicoms. And since I thought of that, I really can’t stop thinking about it, and it would really help if you could just let me know. Doesn’t have to be a whole message, just a yes or a no would do. You could even shout at me and I’d celebrate.”

“Seriously, if you’re all dead then… then I’m the only one alive. Again. I know I’m like 40 years behind you anyway, but it feels like the Lighthouse all over again! I got brought back from that and I felt like I’d cheated the system. Like- Like I didn’t belong, and I got out fine while everyone else stayed there and still had to suffer whatever’s going on up there. And this time I cheated because I’m the one who offered to stay behind and so I’m alive again while you’re all dead. I should’ve let Sousa do it, at least then I could’ve died with you.”

“No, no. You might be alive. You’re probably alive. I’m the one who’s… just send me something back. Please.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000000127.FS.M. D_04.13.1985_1829. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Nana, you won’t believe who invited me to a party! Pegs did! She was like, hey, I need you to be a distraction, you’re coming with me. Which is awesome because it’s like the first time she didn’t insult me in a sentence! Yeah… out loud that sounds kinda sad. But it means a lot to me, and I’m pretty sure you were a fan of Pegs or something? Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“Anyway, so, we went to this party and she said that since SHIELD is safe enough to be publicly known again I’d need to meet some guy that would help with finances. So we’re at this party, and Pegs takes me up to meet the guy. I promise, all I did was introduce myself (I was actually trying really hard to be serious and polite) and I asked his name and Peggy lost it. She literally almost fell onto the floor, she was laughing that hard. Yup, you heard me right. Peggy Carter. Laughing.”

“The guy, Harry I think his name was? No, Howard. Yeah, Howard was his name. So this Howard guy looks super offended and asked me if I knew who he was, and I said no because I honestly didn’t, and then Pegs offered to buy me a drink. I know! And she didn’t even yell at me for calling her Pegs!”

“So yeah, that happened. Since then she’s been smiling at me? I don’t know what I did, so I thought I’d throw it to you two to see if you had any ideas. You can boast to your friends that your grandson charmed over the great Peggy Carter.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001032.FS.M. D_07.12.1988_2306. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Hey Bobo, hey Nana. I’m kinda tired so I’ll keep it short today. The Deke Squad got an award today. It’s funny, I was so busy with SHIELD that I’d forgotten that we had that many fans.”

“Having a double life sounds fun, but trust me it’s hard. Ha.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001051.FS.M. D_10.22.1988_0642. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“I finally finished my first original song! Are you proud of me?”

“Since we won that award, every night I’ve been having visions of Bobo shouting my head off that all I do is steal stuff. So since I’ve been messing with music for so many years, I figured, how hard can it be?”

“...It’s very hard. But! It’s completed, and it feels good that I can at least announce that to someone. Even if those someones can’t answer me back. But that’s fine.”

“The song’s called Alya, and it’s all about family. That was my Mom’s name, by the way. Alya. I can’t remember if I ever told you that.”

“If you want songs about you, then you’ll have to let me know, okay? Cool.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001132.FS.M. D_11.25.1989_1903. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“So, um… Hydra attacked. Big time. We beat them in the end, but we lost a whole bunch of agents. Joe was only nineteen and he told me I was his hero. They shot him in the head, I had to identify his body, and I... And that’s… that’s on me.”

“If only I’d taken that shot when Daisy told me to. I could’ve killed Freddy and none of this would’ve happened. I practically killed all those agents and I… Sorry. You don’t wanna hear this kinda stuff.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001193.FS.M. D_03.09.1990_1903. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m guessing that you aren’t getting these messages so it doesn’t feel as weird to me anymore. And if you are… then I’m sorry you have to hear this. But you’re the only people who I’d want to hear it anyway.”

“Ever since they made me director of SHIELD, I feel like I’ve been faking my way through it. I faked my way through the Lighthouse, I faked my way into money and fame, I faked music for a fake band and I faked knowing how to be a director. I’m just… God, I’m just not cut out for it. People are dying and I can’t stop it. SHIELD needs an actual leader, not a fraud like me.”

“Peggy does a lot, but she’s got her own responsibilities to manage so I get the brunt of it. There’s a few super clever agents that can easily take my place.”

“See, I don’t wanna be director anymore. But if I’m not… I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I don’t have anyone here, I don’t belong here, and I- I’m just nothing when you strip away my lies. And I wish that was an exaggeration.”

“And you know the worst part of it all?! I don’t know whether you guys are even alive! I send you these messages every week and I put my heart and soul into them and they could be just disappearing into nothingness! Then there really is nothing!”

“So… just in case you are listening, I love you. You did so much for me, you gave me a chance when nobody else would. It’s odd saying goodbye to thin air, but hey ho. And if you’re dead, then I guess I’ll see you soo- WOAH!”

“DEKE SHAW YOU LOOK AT ME THIS INSTANT!”

“Hey- Hey, Pegs! What are you doing here?! G-Get out, this is private, this is my house what are you-”

“Shut your idiotic mouth and hand me that gun.”

“Peggy, I-”

“Hand it over, Deke. Now.”

“Fine, here. But listen-”

“No buts, Shaw. Are you out of your mind? What were you thinking?!”

“Director Shaw.”

“Enoch, not you too!”

“Oh. It appears we were just in time.”

“You’re bloody right we were. Thank you, Enoch. You made the right decision coming to find me. Now Deke, you need to talk to me, alright? Whatever’s on your mind. You trust me, don’t y- wait... what is that?”

“This? U-Uh, noth-”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001196.FS.M. D_03.14.1990_1903. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Pegs and Jarvis took me on a picnic the other day. Honestly, the number of times people thought I was their son was hilarious. It was like ten different people. You should have seen the look on Peggy’s face when this girl asked what it was like being a mom to the sensation that is Deke Shaw. I can’t wait for cellphones.”

“They remind me of you two, y’know. Pegs and Jarvis. You’re all super sweet and smart and determined and kind and they just really remind me of you. Well, if you were both super old.”

“...Don’t tell Peggy I said that.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001872.FS.M. D_07.17.1993_1108. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“They just invented Zima! I can finally stop pretending to drink! You guys should both drink it in celebration. It’s a big day for me.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001627.FS.M. D_12.17.1991_2157. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Howard Stark and his wife got killed last night. Peggy and Jarvis are broken. I didn’t know them that well since he kind of hated me, but I feel really bad for his son.”

“I think I might go pay him a visit. See if I can cheer him up. Trust me, getting orphaned suddenly like that sucks.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000001873.FS.M. D_07.17.1993_2351. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“So, um… kinda embarrassing story time. I ordered like 20 crates of Zima, but I couldn’t wait so I went and bought one from the store. And, uh… I couldn’t stomach it. It’s been so long since I actually drank that my body’s given up on me just like everyone else. Which is fine by me, but…”

“Now I don’t know what to do with 20 crates of Zima.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000002309.FS.M. D_09.12.1995_1342. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“So some alien woman crashed into Earth this week. It was a pain to sort out, but I sent Coulson and some guy called Fury on the case. Fury has a cool name, but he’s a bit mean sometimes. I guess it’s fitting.”

“Oh yeah, I recruited Coulson. I decided to steer Mack towards more traditional engineering since I’m guessing he’d get sick of SHIELD. I got May though. It’s weird being older than them all and not being able to say anything.”

“Anyway, apparently the alien woman might be Kree? I hope not. I really, really hope not. ‘Cause if she is… well, something about this whole situation already rubs me off in the wrong way. Just… I didn’t wanna hear the word ‘Kree’ ever again.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000003295.FS.M. D_05.21.1998_2126. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“We broke up the band today. We had a good run. I wish you could’ve seen us perform at least once. Miss you.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000003995.FS.M. D_01.01.2000_0034. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Happy new year! We’re in the third millennium now so I’m catching up to you! Yeah, I know that’s not how it works, but a boy can dream, right?”

“I tried drinking again but it didn’t work out. Oh well.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000005617.FS.M. D_11.04.2008_1738. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Little Tony turned into a superhero. Iron Man, they’re calling him. I feel like storming into his house and yelling about how much danger he’s putting himself in. He could get himself killed, and then what’ll I do?!”

“...Is this how you guys feel all the time? I don’t like being the responsible one.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000010007.FS.M. D_05.30.2012_1519. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Coulson is dead. I- I killed Coulson. There were all these aliens that turned up and we had to try and get the heroes to work together and I asked Coulson and Fury to help a-and that bastard trickster killed h-him. I want to kill him with my bare hands.”

“The heroes teamed up and stopped the invasion. I d-don’t really know why. When I heard about Coulson I just locked myself in. Tony said they fought for me, but that makes no sense.”

“I just… I can’t believe I screwed up so badly. Coulson was supposed to have a good few years ahead of him! H-He was supposed to bring the team together! I’m too old for that now, and I’ve messed up. I’m s-so sorry, but I… Coulson’s dead.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000010015.FS.M. D_06.22.2012_1712. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“I’ve decided to retire from SHIELD. I really, really can’t do this anymore. Besides, I can barely sit up straight. Fury can take over. I just need time to think.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000132907.FS.M. D_01.16.2059_1712. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Getting old is such a pain, right? Dr Dunphy said my time’s starting to close in on me now, and that just sounds so weird to me. All my life I’ve been hopping through time and death just felt so distant. Like I was immortal or something.”

“Guess we know that’s not true.”

“Now’s as good a time as any to surprise you, then. Back when I first met Enoch, we built an LMD version of me. Surprise!”

“Ha, bet you’re not that surprised, are you. Especially you, Bobo. This quantum bridge is just about strong enough to let one person through. Only problem is that once that happens, there’s no chance of communication from either way. And plus I was running SHIELD back then, so I didn’t get the chance to get back.”

“So when I do kick the bucket, Enoch will switch it on and help me get to you. I know it’s a bad thing to say but… I’m really excited to die.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000138056.FS.M. D_04.01.2061_0932. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Happy birthday to me… h-happy birthday to me… happy birthday dear De-eke, happy birthday to… to you.”

“I hope… I hope he has a better life than I had. Give Mom and Dad a hug from me. Do you think… my Mom and Dad will be there once I go? Does the afterlife have timelines? Ha…”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000138058.FS.M. D_04.05.2061_1002. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Enoch asked me whether… whether I wanted my life memories or just my… 1985 memories. I don’t want that version o-of me to have all these memories. I don’t want h-him to know he k-killed Coulson…”

“Calm down, Mr Shaw. Try and make sense for your memoir, okay?”

“B-But then I wouldn’t be able to tell you the stories. There’s so many stories I want to tell you, so… he’ll use these memories. There were good times too.”

“I c-can’t wait to see you, Nana, Bobo. See you soon.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

~-.-~

.Q.000138059.FS.M. D_04.10.2061_1425. STATUS:[Online] [communication_input]

“Hello, Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons. My name is Enoch. I am a sentient chronicom from a planet that revolves around a star in the constellation you know as Cygnus. I regret to inform you that your grandson, aged 107, passed away this morning.

“As per his final request, I have sent an LMD version of Deke Shaw to what I believe is your timeline somewhere within a 10-mile radius of your location.”

“Goodbye.”

COMMUNICATION_TERMINATED_

STATUS:[Offline]

#agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. #aos #deke shaw #enoch #peggy carter #fanfic #an odd family tree

[mojofun]

Good Friends Will Be Stupid Together (Chris Evans x OC)

Hello people; this is an entry for another writing chllenge I participated in. The prompt was “Good friends don’t let you do stupid things together”; let’s see how the king of dorks and OC handle the tension. I wanted to tag @lebakedbeaute and, also, give a shoutout to @kitkatd7 for the many funny and wonderful prompts in this challenge. I hope you enjoy this story 😊

Warnings: gets a little cheeky in the end, but nothing graphic

______________________________________________________________

Emerson groaned, bringing a hand to her head when it throbbed painfully. Blurred memories all came back in full force, making her feel dizzy; she fell back on the pillow with a huff.

All of a sudden the lights came on; she covered her eyes with her hands, hissing in pain

<<Sorry babe, but I couldn’t see anything>>

That voice.

Once a sign she was dreaming, now straight from her nightmares. As soon as the blaring lights grew dimmer, she removed her protection and blinked to focus on the indistinct figure that stood by the door. It took her a while, but she could eventually distinguish the unkempt blond hair and his omnipresent smile that made her insides flip.

Damn, she thought. Of course, I had to make a fool of myself in front of him

She slapped herself mentally a thousand times

<<How are you feeling, Em?>> His thick accent made the butterflies in her stomach stir to life, though in her conditions it was remarkably similar to the need of throwing up that she was adamantly suppressing

I’m not about to make this situation even worse

<<Like I ran into a train head-on>>

He chuckled lightly, handing her a glass of water and something fizzy

<<What’s that?>>

<<Drink it, it will make you feel better>>

<<But->>

<<Just drink it>>

<<Oh, right, I forgot I was talking with the king of hangovers>>

The man cackled again

<<Snarky even after a whole night spent drinking; you’re something else, babe>>

<<Stop calling me that>> She muttered, forcing a sip of the concoction down her throat; it made her stomach even more upset, but she held on to the last sliver of her dignity

<<No can do, babe>> He took the glass from her and set it on the bedside table. Then, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and walked to the door <<Sleep Em, you need it. Goodni->>

<<Good morning, rather>>

<<Whatever, talk to you later>>

<<Sure. Thanks, Chris>>

Once left to her own devices, Emerson felt her head buzz with an unhealthy amount of thinking for someone so hungover as her.

It was nothing new, though- the thinking part.

The drinking had been for a while her last resort into the most lethal curse known to humanity: unrequited feelings.

You drama queen

Shut up brain. Why are you so active now when you can’t function properly around him?

That snarky comeback was enough to shut up her subconscious, but she kept thinking hard.

Chris had been her best friend for years, and she always had a crush on him. Nothing unmanageable, but it was there.

The problems began a few months earlier when he asked her to accompany him to a family event- not as a date, her mind reminded her.

Emerson sighed, skimming through the memories with a wistful smile: he’d been so caring, so damn sweet that night, holding doors and even giving her his jacket when they left. It had been such a damn perfect evening that she’s almost leaned in to kiss him when they reached her apartment.

To this day, she thanked whatever guardian angel stopped her, though a part of her wanted to know what he tasted like, what it would feel like to be in his strong arms as their lips met

<<Fuck>> She groaned, sinking even deeper in the pillows- wait, pillows?

Yes, there was definitely more than one

Chris really thought of everything, damn him; as if I’m not in love enough already

Sleep came sooner than she hoped, and she was immensely grateful for that: it was the only time her mind let her enjoy some peace and quiet.

Outside the door Chris leaned against the wall, sighing deeply. The major crush he’d developed on his best friend was anything but good.

He cursed himself daily for being such a fool, but there was nothing he could do: Emerson was just too beautiful, too funny, too sweet, too… Too perfect.

He sighed again; he needed to learn how to live knowing he’d only ever be her best friend.

________________________________________________________________

<<Good morning, princess>>

Chris’s way-too-cheerful voice greeted her the next morning when she finally emerged from her bedroom

<<Hi>>

<<How are you?>>

<<Good, thanks; the headache passed>>

<<Awesome. Want some breakfast?>> <<N->> <<I made pancakes>>

The woman stilled, brushing her black hair out of her face, fixing her caramel eyes on him with a pout <<Damn you>>

<<You know you love me, princess>> He joked, pulling the chair out for her. When she was seated, he handed her a tall stack of pancakes with an insane amount of syrup, just the way she liked them

You don’t even know how true that is, Chris

<<Thank you>>

<<You’re welcome>>

The small smile he gave her was enough to make her blush.

He let her eat in peace, going as far as to bring her a glass of orange juice directly at the table. When she was done though, he became serious

<<Emerson?>>

She flinched

I know that tone: dad-Chris-mode is on

She fidgeted with the hem of her t-shirt- not hers; she’d… Commandeered it from the blond a while earlier. He didn’t know, of course, but he didn’t seem to mind.

The knowledge that he’d changed her made her cheeks even redder, but she said nothing about it

<<Yes?>>

<<Can we talk?>>

<<Sure; you know you don’t need to ask me>>

<<Actually, this is about you>>

I knew it

<<Uh, ok. What’s up?>>

His gaze grew stern, his lips no longer curled in a smile

<<I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, Em. You’ve been acting… Weird, for a while now>>

Oh fuck

<<Weird? What do you mean? I’m always weird>>

Those words forced a smile on his lips; it was small, but it was something, and it brought a smile on her face too

<<Yes, but you’re a nice weird, wonderful even>>

Stop it, you dork

<<Recently though, it’s been more of a bad weird>>

<<Bad? In what way?>>

As if you don’t know, her brain reprimanded her. You’ve been humiliating yourself even more than you normally do, and that’s saying something

Shut up

Chris’s baby blue eyes stared at her gravely

<<Do you remember almost leaving the club with that guy yesterday night?>>

His tone was displeased, and she knew she deserved. Guilt ate at her, but back then it had been the only way she found to cope with everything

<<Yeah, I do>>

<<He could have hurt you, Emerson. You didn’t know him>>

<<I’m aware of that. By the way, thanks for saving me>>

Another small smile appeared on his gorgeous face

<<Good friends don’t let you do stupid things>>

She laughed

<<Really? I thought that’s all we do together>>

He joined her laughter, reclining back on the couch; seeing his arm inevitably reach out to touch whatever was next to him, just like he always did, made her grin fondly

Damn you, dork; how are you so adorable?

<<That may be true, but Em>> He became serious again <<I’m worried about you. Why would you do something like that? It’s so unlike you>>

<<I… I don’t want to talk about it>>

<<Em, please. You->>

<<I said I don’t want to!>> The young woman barked, looking away the moment she saw confusion and hurt on his face <<Please. I don’t want to>>

<<Babe, you’re making me worry>>

<<You don’t need to. It’s my fault, I’m the one who’s been stupid enough to->> She barely caught herself in time <<Never mind>>

<<Dammit, Emerson>> Chris pleaded, standing up from the couch and kneeling in front of her <<Talk to me; you know you can tell me anything>>

Seeing him like that cut her breath short; her brain galloped miles per minute, transporting the kneeling man into an entirely different universe in her imagination…

She cringed, gritting her teeth and stomping her foot

<<Em! What’s wrong? Are you hurt?>>

The female stopped moving, staring into his azure eyes that held so much more affection than she felt she deserved, and yet…, It was not the kind of affection she wanted

Ever the selfish fiend, her subconscious cried out.

Her restraint was dangerously close to snapping.

As soon as their eyes met again, she gave in ad cradled his face with her hands

<<Babe, what->> He couldn’t finish that sentence because she pressed her lips against his; while her eyes closed, his stayed wide open.

It only lasted for a moment, but she relished it. However, seeing him so taken aback when she opened her eyes again made realisation dawn on her, and she felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her immediately

<<Fuck. Chris, I- Fuck. Excuse me>> She stood up so fast that he almost toppled over and she ran past him, headed toward the door.

At that moment, he realised what was going on. She liked him, and she thought he didn’t reciprocate: that’s why she’d been so strange as of late.

He had to stop her

<<Emerson, get back here>>

She ignored him

<<For crying out loud Emerson, come back now!>>

A hand slammed on the door before she could open it, while a muscled arm wrapped around her waist

<<Let me g->>

His lips on hers interrupted her speech; this time her eyes were blown wide, while the man closed his to better enjoy the sensations the kiss gave him. Finally, after a while, he pulled away; she blinked at him in puzzlement

<<What…>>

<<As I said before, good friends don’t let you do stupid things. Well, not alone>>

That reply made her laugh, and he held her tight while she shook her head in amusement. He guided her to the couch, wrapping his arms around her when she sat down

<<Em?>>

<<Yes?>>

<<Did you… Did you mean it?>>

<<The kiss? Yes, honey; it was probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done->> Chris snorted, earning himself a swat on the chest as they laughed <<But I meant it completely. Luckily, good friends don’t let you do stupid things alone>>

The blonde snickered and pecked her lips

<<Is that all we are? Good friends?>>

<<I still want to be your best friend, Chris, but I wouldn’t be opposed to, let’s say, exploring other dimensions to or relationship as well>>

<<When you put it that way…>>

He leaned closer to her.

Finally, both of them closed their eyes to fully enjoy the kiss.

Putting themselves out there might actually be the stupidest thing they’d ever done, but they were grateful it happened; so grateful.

--------------- Extra -----------------

<<Chris?>> Emerson called

<<Yes, princess?>>

<<Can we, you know… Do more stupid things together?>>

The blond actor cackled: seeing her like that only made her more adorable in his eyes. He pecked his cheek while she ran her hands on his chest

<<More stupid things…

As in a greater number or, you know… Sillier than this?>>

She beamed at him, chortling softly at her dumb joke. Then, her expression changed. The salacious smirk on her plump lips cut his breath short. She grabbed him by the shirt and whispered, pulling him closer

<<I was thinking you, actually>>

The last thing the blond actor remembered was picking her up and hurrying down the corridor in a flurry of clothes.

The TV show they planned on watching would have to wait.

#kits250challenge #writing challenge #chris evans x original female character #chris evans x ofc #chris evans image #chris evans fanf #friends in love #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fluff #chris evans fic

[im-not-corrupted]

Safi, No (a Witchlands fanfiction) - Chapter One

This chapter was written by @un-empressed

Summary:            

On a rare occasion, Safi knew the answer in geography class. But when Merik Nihar spoke over her, she wasn't so happy. So her and Leopold devised a revenge plan to get back at him, and accidentally got everyone involved.

Vivia Nihar doesn't really have many friends, apart from Vaness. She's mostly focused on her studies - and what's wrong with that? But then she meets theriverstix online.

Aeduan and Iseult didn't mean to get involved in the revenge plan, but it was inevitable. But that's okay. They had each other to talk to.

Also posted on Ao3

Tags: @Iseultdetmidenzi

--- 

Safiya fon Hasstrel didn't know what she had done to deserve such maltreatment. Not only was geography a disaster that morning, her best friend wasn't listening. Or rather, she was until she realised what Safi was talking about. Apparently she was immature for wanting the basic right of speaking. It wasn't her fault that she had an insufferable classmate, and it certainly wasn't her fault that he decided he could speak over her.

It wasn't like she enjoyed geography, but she actually knew the answer. That was a once in a million years occurrence and Merik Nihar ruined it. She didn't even know his name before he so rudely interrupted her.

She wouldn't even have bothered to ask someone - asshole from third row worked just as well for a name - but she was confronted by another classmate after geography. A very pissed off one at that. Safi knew Vaness by name, because everyone knew Vaness. They'd never talked before, though, so Safi didn't know what to expect.

She was definitely surprised when Vaness verbally attacked her. Well, it wasn't an attack, but what she said was just a pretentious way to say "Go fuck yourself" and they both knew it. Apparently Safi's huffing and whispering to her friends that she was going to kill Merik over "an idiotic thing that doesn't even matter" was making it hard for Vaness to take notes. And apparently calling her a "poor dear" was "condescending" and "rude".

Why had she never talked to Vaness before? She knew now. Caden laughed to her face after having overheard the disastrous conversation. Safi found that absolutely unnecessary. At least Zander and Lev laughed at her behind her back. Well, she didn't know for sure that they did, but she hoped that Levs's so-called reassurance of "I've hidden many bodies before, nobody ever misses the ones like him" was a joke.

"Saf, I'm sure he didn't mean to inconvenience you," Iz said, trying to be reasonable. Safi liked that about her best friend; she wasn't as reckless as Safi herself, but she was definitely easy to drag along to stupid adventures.

"You don't know him."

Iseult rolled her eyes. "Neither do you."

"Irrelevant."

Iseult sighed. She was about to say something else, probably about how it was actually relevant, but Corlant came. Safi wasn't sure what his deal was, only that someone ought to push him off that table he liked standing on to feel better than everyone else. But no, the school encouraged free speech, and Corlant claimed whatever absurd shit he said (Safi didn't bother enough to listen) had something to do with his religion.

Safi didn't know who or what he worshipped, but she personally found lunches without him causing a scene holy. Maybe she should start a religion that specifically opposed him. Or maybe she should take Lev up on that hiding a body offer.

"This is ridiculous," Iseult muttered. Safi personally would have yelled it so he could hear, but she already did and he didn't seem to care. Asshole.

Safi didn't even notice Leopold approaching their table until he sat down. And, he wasn't alone. "Girls, this is Aeduan. Aeduan, Safi and Iseult".

The name didn't sound familiar at all, but Safi had talked to the guy once. Well, it was barely a conversation. She asked for a pencil, and he spent five minutes mocking her for not bringing two. Just when she was about to tell him to fuck off, he handed her the damn pencil. Safi made a point of using it only when she lost the pencil Caden had lent her.

She never even returned the pencil. Maybe that made her an asshole, but she needed something to write with for the rest of the day, and he never even asked for it. How was she supposed to know it wasn't meant to be a gift?

Aeduan uttered out an uninterested greeting, hesitantly sitting next to Iseult. They shared commiserating looks as Safi told Leopold about her encounter with the world's biggest asshole that morning.

"Look! There he is, talking to his friends. I bet they're just as rude and inconsiderate-"

"Saf, those two literally mean the same thing," Iseult said. There was a slight difference, but Safi wasn't about to say that. Leopold was willing to hear her complaints, and she wasn't about to waste the potential this conversation had.

"And besides, you're overreacting. That's Ryber Fortiza over there, and she's pretty nice. I'm willing to bet the others are too. You took this way too personally."

Safi had talked to Ryber Fortiza once or twice, and she knew that Iseult was right. She wasn't going to say that out loud, though. Judging by the look on Iseult's face, her best friend didn't care at all. She went back to her probably dry conversation with Leopold's friend.

"Way too personally? It is personal!" Leopold said. Safi was glad that at least someone knew she wasn't overreacting.

"Thank you!"

Iseult rolled her eyes. She did it so much around the two, Safi wouldn't be surprised if her eyes fell out one day. And she had yet to hear about what Vaness said, even though Safi knew Iseult would agree with most things said.

Suddenly, she remembered something that made her groan. Leopold raised his eyebrows. "I have geography again tomorrow."

Leopold grinned. "Why the disappointment? It's your chance to get revenge."

Safi quite liked how that sounded. Even more than that she liked the fact that Iseult obviously didn't approve of the idea, if her face was to be trusted. She could've been making faces at what Aeduan was telling her, but that didn't seem likely. Leopold's friend seemed to have the same opinion. All the more reasons to do it.

Besides, Safi already had a few suggestions for the revenge plan herself.

Safi smiled, making Iseult shake her head. "What did you have in mind?" [x]

"-And she kept staring at me the whole time, whispering something to her friends. I'm telling you, that girl is insane."

The story didn't get reactions Merik Nihar was hoping for from his friends. Ryber pretended she didn't even hear him, and Cam just rolled his eyes. Merik was pretty sure Tanzi wasn't even listening. That didn't hurt him, because she was Ryber's friend. Stix was asking if 'he was done yet' after every word. That didn't hurt either, because she was like that. At least Kullen was on his side.

He smiled, and Merik didn't know what to expect from his best friend. Kullen often heard what he wanted to hear instead of what was being said. "Maybe she likes you! And, you've never talked about this girl before. Why would you even look at her if you didn't like her?"

Kullen was not on his side.

"It wasn't like that!" Merik said, trying desperately to seem like he was telling the truth. Which he was, of course. Kullen just caught him completely unaware.

Stix grinned. "Oh really?" Merik knew she didn't share Kullen's delusion. She just took every single chance to make him uncomfortable.

Cam and Ryber looked at each other across the table, seemingly not surprised at all that the conversation was taking that turn. Tanzi was too busy copying Ryber's homework to listen.

"Really! The teacher called on her and I knew the answer, so I might have possibly answered instead of her. I wanted to see her reaction but she was just glaring at me and I'm pretty sure I heard her friend say something about hiding a body." Merik realised that the story in its entirety made him look the slightest bit bad, but being perceived as rude was better than Kullen getting ideas.

"Can we blame them, though?" Stix asked. She just raised her hands in mock surrender when Ryber shot her a look. "I'm just saying."

"You did speak over her," Cam reasoned.

Ryber sighed. "That really was rude. No one likes people who do that."

Merik was willing to admit that it wasn't his best moment, but it was really not that big of a deal. Sure, his classmate might be pissed for a while, but that wasn't his problem. His only problem was Kullen, who was grinning at him from across the table.

"You could still like her. Maybe you inconvenienced her just so she would talk to you - that seems like the kind of 'I'm bad at admitting my feelings' thing you would do and call flirting if it succeeded," Kullen said, making Stix laugh.

Well, now Merik was offended. He did nothing to deserve the unjust treatment. Even Ryber was against him, and she rarely cared enough to pick a side. Merik needed to start hanging out with Tanzi; She never listened to him, which meant she couldn't mock him for every single thing like the traitors he once called friends.

Besides, Vivia insulting him 24/7 was enough. He didn't need his friends and his sister to have anything in common. He wasn't sure anyone except Kullen even knew he had a sister. Good.

Vivia preferred solitude, but Merik knew that if Ryber found out, she'd make him ask her to join them. That would likely result in either of the three catastrophes he'd rather avoid:

1. Vivia thinks he's making fun of her for eating alone and yells at him.

2. Very awkward lunches because Vivia yelled at him when he didn't tell her what time it was fast enough.

3. Vivia finds out about Kullen's theory and tells the girl.

The last one might have been a bit of a far stretch if it was anyone else. Vivia, however, wanted nothing more than to ruin her brother's life. The amount of love was mutual.

And, she was definitely the kind of person capable of figuring out someone's name and all social media usernames just from a vague description. Merik dreaded of the day Kullen and Vivia talked alone, without him there to filter his best friend. That would be a disaster. For him, that is. For Vivia, it would be a way to accomplish her mission in life.

"Ryber, control your boyfriend," Merik said.

Ryber just rolled her eyes, which Merik found rather rude. It wasn't like he was the one terrorising Kullen, it was the other way around!

"Look, it's not Ry's fault you were stupid enough to mention it to Kullen of all people," Stix said. Merik didn't know if that was supposed to be an insult to him or to Kullen.

"Mention what? I'm not in love with some girl whose name I don't even know!"

Stix sighed. "You don't have to be for Kullen to think you are. You should know that by now. He only sees what he wants to see." Cam nodded in agreement. 

"Look, are you on my side or are you not?"

"I'm not necessarily on your side, I'm just not on Merik's." Kullen nodded, as if that was a completely reasonable answer.

Merik blamed his trust issues on his friend group, which consisted of Kullen, Cam, Stix, Ryber and occasionally Tanzi. All people who tolerated him but didn't dread to tell him when he did or said something stupid. Except Stix, but Merik doubted that she actually hated him. Either way, she, too, was never going to meet Vivia if Merik was to ask. He usually wasn't when it came to his sister and what she did, but he had to hope that Vivia wouldn't want to do anything with a friend of his.

"That's ridiculous. You hate me for no reason."

"Ridiculous? That's it, you've lost your Stix privileges. It's Stacia for you from now on." Merik fought the urge to tell her that what she just said was ridiculous as well. People lost their 'Stix privileges' at least three times a day.

Ryber rolled her eyes, silently listening to the exchange. She occasionally whispered something to Tanzi, who was still doing her homework.

"Thank you very much for doing as I said and controlling your boyfriend," Merik said. He was getting fed up of everyone being against him for a simple mistake.

"You're welcome," Ryber said, turning to help Tanzi read something. Even Ryber, who was usually the responsible one, was seemingly tired of him. Merik was starting to think he had done something wrong.

Kullen probably noticed that Merik wasn't fighting back, because he sighed and said: "Look, Merik, we're only making fun of you because you don't see that what you did was wrong. Just... Try to be nicer to the geography classmate."

It seemed nice enough, and, even though Merik hated to admit it, it was good advice. But Kullen wasn't done. "And then, when you're a couple, Stix and I will pretend we're your siblings and tell her made-up, embarrassing information."

Ryber took one look at the three of them and sighed. "That might not work."

"Cousins, then."

Ryber rolled her eyes. "That still won't work. Just say you're his friends."

"But no one ever takes the friends seriously!" Stix whined.

"No one should take the two of you seriously."

"Bold of you to assume they won't make all of us do it," Cam said.

"See? Cam gets it!"

Sometimes Merik really hated his friends.

------

Read Chapter Two here

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