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Season 1, Episode 9 (Bonus Episode)

Julian: Hello, you guys, hello, hello, hello, hello! I just wanted to say, first of all, it’s so nice to be able to just talk to you now. Thank you so much for all of the incredibly kind and-and wonderful things that so many of you wrote along with your questions.

Okay, so now I’m gonna answer some questions! Some of the questions were too good, which means that, um… well… they’re things that are gonna be revealed and I don’t want to give away anything that’s gonna be revealed. I’m just gonna talk about things that won’t ruin anything if I talk about ‘em.

Um… the question that a lot of people asked was “What are some inspirations for the Orbiting Human Circus?” Um, things that I’d heard or listened to and, um, probably the biggest inspiration for me about what you can do with, uh, recorded sound and what that can be actually were these letters that my grandmother used to send me on cassette. She used to make these, uh, recordings on tape, she was kind of obsessed with tapes, and she made all these recordings on tape. She was… she was a really, really magical woman.

She lived in this crazy, rambling house out at the border of Queens in New York, and this place called Newhide Park, and, uh, it was just full of all these old things from a world that didn’t exist anymore, I mean, except in her house, and that I got to play with and be around, and there were all these buckets of rainwater everywhere, she collected rainwater, and I used to get to, I just have all these memories of playing with rainwater and she used it for all these different things and, uh, she was… just an incredibly creative, original, very free-spirited person and, um, her sisters were blind, um, and so I don’t know if this is where it started but she always did letters, her letters were cassettes and she would send me these tapes and it would be my favorite thing in the world when they would come, and I would put it on and it would be my grandmother’s voice and she’d be answering questions that I’d asked her in the last tape that I’d sent her – we’d send tapes back and forth.

I’d record in my tape recorder talking to her and she’d record in her tape recorder talking to me, and so, much like this, she’d be answering questions and she’d stop and she’d listen to my tape and listen to more questions and then tell me the answers to those questions and then, um, she would record things – she would just go places! Like, if she was going out somewhere, she’d bring the tape recorder with her and she’d just hit record and she would carry it around and she’d just record what was happening, not even narrating it or anything, like the tape recorder would just be going for twenty minutes, it would be sometimes a whole side of a cassette, and uh… and it was just, you’d be in this environment with her, and so I’d listen to all the sounds and I’d imagine all the things that were happening in the places that she were—was, and I would disappear into them.

I loved her very much, and I’m gonna try to make this recording for you guys, um… much in the spirit of those recordings that she made for me, so… that’s what we’re gonna do, and, uh… alright, I’m gonna answer another question, hang on.

So, um, one question was about the polar bear, and what became of the polar bear, and, um… the answer is that the polar bear was never found, actually, it disappeared. There were millions and millions of theories but nobody could figure out what happened to it and, um, it very quickly became a, uh, kind of a folk legend that parents would tell their kids to get them to, you know, come in before it was dark out. They’d tell ‘em that the polar bear was gonna get them, and, uh…

But, um, I wanted to strongly encourage everybody not to judge the polar bear. Everything that happened was just not its fault, so I want… I ask if you can, please keep an open mind towards it.

Also on the subject of polar bears, another question was “What is Julian’s connection to polar bears?” Um, and that’s a question I’d like to answer, and as is actually the case with a few of these questions, I’m not sure whether the Julian referred to is Julian the janitor or the particular Julian who’s talking to you right now, but actually the answer is exactly the same which is that the polar bears, the connection to polar bears comes from our great-grandfather.

Another question that somebody asked that’s good, I think – my favorite things about the world are things that are sort of the meeting place between the imaginary and the real, um… Like the Great Recitating Platypus, the Great Recitating Platypus is one of those stories that parents tell their kids, um, and it’s passed down from generation to generation and the story is something that the parents know is really a dream, it’s like, you know, if your child is sick, the idea is if they’re good, then the platypus will come when they’re asleep and will recite these poems while they’re sleeping, and then they’ll wake up, the kids will wake up healthy, and by the parent lovingly telling their kid that story, they’re sort of creating the perfect circumstances for the kid to have that dream and, you know, if the kid does have that dream, like many things in life, it’s very likely that while the dream is an imaginary thing, they will feel better, and, um…

And of course, if they wake up and a bit of the dream lingers, as a cannon does and they see the platypus and they make a wish, um, you know, anyone… I think we’ve all been, if we’ve been alive for a while, we definitely have seen pretty irrefutable proof that if somebody believes that something they’ve wished for is gonna happen, it’s much much more likely to happen than in any other circumstance, and, um, you know, for the kids it can become—it can be real, the way that imaginary things for kids can be real, which is, I think, to say that there isn’t really a wall yet, that they don’t need necessarily a wall between what is quote unquote real and what is not real, because I think for a kid the functionality of imaginary things is just so clear and present, it doesn’t need to be delineated or separated out, um…

But to me, I feel like so many of the most important things in the world and in this universe are in the realm of what you’d call “imaginary”, you know, like the parents lovingly telling kids a story like the Great Recitating Platypus or Santa Claus or anything, is an act of love and, you know, that love is not material, um… there aren’t any, you know, material representations of love, there’s just, um, material expressions of love and, uh, I don’t think there’s anything in the world more important to those parents or to those kids or anybody, you know, than love, and…

And so, I think so much of the substance of life actually is, um, what you would describe as imaginary and only really a part of the substance of life is real, what you’d call real, and yes!

Um, one big question that got asked that I think is pretty neat is, uh, were there things that were in season one or in episodes that didn’t make the cut for different reasons, and the answer to that question is yes, there’s a lot of things, um, and uh, and several people have asked if I could, if those things existed, if I could tell you about some of them, so I thought that would be kind of fun, um, and one that I really like that the janitor told, um, was actually about, I think this is gonna possibly scandalize some people, uh, but it is in universe, so I think it’s okay, but anyway…

One thing the janitor told about was, uh, these visits of, um, a special friend of John Cameron’s to the set of the Orbiting Human Circus, to the ballroom, um, a very special friend of his named Carey – well, his real name isn’t Carey, his real name is Archibald; John Cameron calls him Archibald and that’s how the janitor knew this, but everybody else knew him as Carey, and he’s a very special friend of John’s.

As a matter of fact, there are a lot of rumors about the fact that they were very, very special friends, and, um… the janitor did see something that reinforced that idea very strongly one time, um, something innocent but something that let on that they were more than friends, and, uh, everyone in the Orbiting Human Circus would freak out, of course, when this fellow would come visit, which would be a few times a year, because he’s a movie star and so everybody was kind of dazzled and the janitor had seen him in movies, the janitors—one of the janitor’s favorite movies was called “Holiday”, and Carey was in this movie, and, uh, you know, the janitor was just completely… star-struck whenever he’d come around and he was, he’s just a very, very sweet person, and he was very, very elegant and handsome.

I don’t think the janitor had a crush on him or anything like that, uh, but he was just incredibly objectively handsome, which, you know, and kind, and uh… and so when he would visit, it would always be this very interesting thing, and I think it kind of fascinated—he kind of fascinated the janitor, and watching Archibald and John together was very fascinating for the janitor, um, and so there are different stories associated with his visits that—hopefully some of which will make it into season two, I hope I haven’t just ruined season two for you. I mean, it’s a very small thing, but that was something that, as a matter of fact, the jacket that John Cameron gave to the janitor was actually Carey’s, it was something that Carey had left behind and Carey always leaves his clothes everywhere, he’s very forgetful, and being a movie star, he could avoid lots and lots of jackets, so that was actually where the jacket that John Cameron passed onto the janitor came from.

Uh, another thing that’s an answer to another question, there’s, uh, that I think would be fun to tell is that, um, it was a question about the hypnosis episode when the janitor accidentally hypnotized everybody and the janitor himself was hypnotized into believing his greatest fantasy, which was singing on the show, was happening.

And, uh, the question was about the janitor forgiving John Cameron and, uh, John Cameron’s motivations, and one thing that I think is pretty important or worth knowing was that I don’t believe that John Cameron knew what the hypnotist was gonna do. I think he knew that the hypnotist needed subjects and he knew John Cameron, like everybody, had heard that the janitor’s great-grandfather’s the stage hypnotist, of course, and John knew that stage hypnosis was very special to the janitor and he knew the janitor was important—uh, was excited about the hypnotist coming and he wanted to do something nice for him, and so I think in John’s mind he thought he was doing something really, really sweet by letting the janitor come on the show and be a subject, but he wanted it to be a surprise, and, uh, and so…

When the hypnotist brought the janitor out, and the kiddie pool came out and the lederhosen and the janitor was in a trance, I think John was a little bit horrified, uh, or wasn’t… I don’t know if horrified’s the right word, I think he was turning red, but John is, as you’ve seen, one of the truly great and consummate natural showmen, and that he shares something in common with his John Cameron Mitchell, who portrays him, in my opinion, and, uh, so John just did what John Cameron would do, which is kind of turn red and play along with it, and ultimately keep the show going, he couldn’t really focus on those feelings.

That’s a tough show to keep running, so that’s kind of what happened there.

Another question that somebody asked was “How much of the janitor’s story is real versus part of his imagination in contrast, I imagine, to the radio show?” You know, so things like his great-grandpa and his polar bear boyfriend and all of that. And the answer to that question is that all of those things are real.

One question that was asked was “Are the people of the Orbiting Human Circus” – and I think that means Jacques and Laeticia and Francois and Pierre and, um, John Cameron – “are those people from the janitor’s life or were they people that he completely imagined?”

And, um, the answer is, which you would find out anyway, will find out, but I think I can tell you, um – the answer is that they are all people from his life, from his real life, not his imagination. They’re all people that he has a relationship to and that he knows, and his imaginings of them, which is what you experienced in the show sequences, um… were very much like them, um, and some of them are even based on real experiences he had with those people, just some of the superficial details were mushed around. Others of those experiences were his imaginings of interactions he might have, and imaginings inspired by his understanding of those people, or his interest in or his affection for or his fear of, depending, of those people. And you’ll get to know them even better.

You know, their roles in real life and the things that they do might be slightly different, but even that is, I think, in a pretty neat way, so there.

Oh, another big question that a lot of you asked, uh, was “Is Julian not straight?” And, um, like the polar bear question and a couple of other questions, I don’t know for sure if the question was referring to me or the janitor, but I understand the question really well, because I know how important it can be at different points in people’s lives to be able to relate to, you know, to find characters in things that they love or like that they can relate to or to find people who make things that they like that they can relate to or they feel like are like them, and so I’m happy to answer that question on both of our behalves, me and the janitor, and the answer is the same – neither of us are straight.

Another question about Laeticia was “What’s the heaviest item that Laeticia can deadlift?” And all I have to say is that she didn’t really need the handtruck to lift the polar bear box up the stairs. As a matter of fact, the handtruck wasn’t originally in the script.

One question about Jacques that someone asked was “Is Jacques as tough as he thinks he is?” And the answer to that, I think, is Laeticia is as tough as Jacques thinks he is. I think Laeticia beat him at arm wrestling, although I think that he really doesn’t like to talk about that or think about that.

Okay, a really good question that I got was, um, “Can all crickets tell stories?” And the answer to that is yes, crickets are the greatest storytellers in the world, um, and it is true that if a bird catches a cricket, it gives it a chance to tell a story and if it’s a good one, the bird will spare the cricket’s life; all of that is absolutely true.

So somebody asked me how the Narrator first met the janitor or how the janitor first met the Narrator, and they first met, um, when the janitor was quite little. It was the first time that the janitor ever tried to sneak out of the house. His stepdad had tied all these sleigh bells to the doorknob of the house, he said to keep burglars away, but it, you know, was probably to keep the janitor in, and the floorboards creaked and stuff like that, and the janitor’s parents left the door to their bedroom open, um, to hear what he was doing, uh, but he did try to sneak out this one time, and as he was trying to do it he just found himself narrating his experience, which made him feel more like he was in a story or was a, was a hero of a—of a movie or something, and he was able to follow through the sneaking out.

Now, um… you all know from when the janitor talked about it in episode two, that—you know, the time that the janitor’s stepdad hit him in the ear, and of course there was the ringing in the—in the janitor’s ear, and then that ringing actually turned into this [exhaling] sound that was kind of like a, well, it was kind of like an audience, and the janitor had been imagining that there was an audience, and suddenly the janitor was filled with this feeling that there were all these people there cheering for him and supporting him and he didn’t cry.

And he stood up to his stepfather for the first time, and he was able to stand up to his stepfather because he just felt like he had all those people behind him, you know, that everyone was with him and rooting for him, and that sound, that [exhaling] sound in his ear actually stayed for quite a long time, and so did the feeling that the audience was with him and that was how he started imagining that he had an audience, and that feeling gave him the strength and the courage to run away.

Now, somebody asked if in the show, the Narrator was addressing the janitor’s imaginary audience or the janitor himself. The answer is both, because in the end when the platypus finally came for the janitor after he had spent his whole life hoping it would, and the janitor made that wish, um, it was, you know, the janitor knows that the platypus is just a dream, but he also believes that if you see it and you make that wish, that it’ll come true, and he believes that his—his wish came true and that you exist.

You know, of course, for him that’s just a matter of faith, you know he’s right.

Someone asked if that wish made the radio show, uh, the Orbiting Human Circus, real as well. And I think the answer to that is, if you exist, and you’ve been listening to it, well then… it’s a real show.

Thank you, and… bye!

#orbiting human circus #the orbiting human circus #orbiting human circus of the air #the orbiting human circus of the air #ohc #tohc #ohcota #tohcota #transcript #season 1 #episode 9 #season 1 episode 9 #bonus episode

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ohctranscripts · 2 years

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Season 1, Episode 8 (R): Eighthly! - Director's Cut

[Music from Julian’s song from last episode]

Narrator: A hospital room in the heart of Paris. Here lies Julian, janitor at the Eiffel Tower, who opens his eyes…

[Music swell]

Come on, boy, you can do it!

Who opens his eyes…

[Music swell]

He won’t wake up…

[Door opens, Laeticia mumbling]

It’s Laeticia, chief stagehand of the Orbiting Human Circus of the Air! Please help…

Laeticia: It’s cold in here, huh? They’ll freeze you to death. I told zem I was your sister. I called, you know, before on, uh, ze telephone, but no zey tell me nothing so I come. Oh, it’s always like this, it’s why I hate hospital.

Narrator: Laeticia sits nervously by the janitor’s bedside. She opens her mouth to speak but hesitates.

Laeticia: Ze show is… closing.

Narrator: Laeticia takes out the cigarette a doctor had lent her in the hall - it is Paris, after all - walks to the far side of the room, and, getting as far away from the janitor as she can, lights up.

Laeticia: The polar bear, he, uh, he escape ze tower. He runs loose in Paris. He is going to ze oyster bars and, uh, along ze Seine, and anyway ze details don’t matter but, uh…

Narrator: Yes, things are not going well with the show. In fact, tonight’s acts are all ones John Cameron had previously rejected. It seems he can get neither acts nor an audience to come.

[Laeticia sighs]

Laeticia: You know, I had a dream zat zis would happen. I had a dream zat, uh, ze show closed and I had a dream zat, uh, you died. It was ze same dream, in fact, and, uh, now ze show is closing and you are…

You are, uh…

Narrator: Laeticia extinguishes her cigarette and crosses to the janitor, and, placing her head on his shoulder, takes him by the hand.

Laeticia: I need you not to die.

Narrator: But the janitor does not hear the sound of Laeticia’s voice. The janitor does not know she is there. He hears nothing.

And most disturbing is the fact that the noise in his left ear, there for half his life, has gone quiet, a hiss left behind by his stepfather’s fist that was so reminiscent of the sound of a large audience, it made it easy to imagine one with him, cheering for him, always.

And now, this has left him too.

Laeticia, finding the janitor’s hand lifeless and cold, drops it suddenly and turns, colliding with a bedside table, causing a small radio to fall to the floor as she runs out of the room. On impact, the radio turns on.

[Static, slight music and other voices mixing with each other]

Announcer: You are listening to the Perpetual Broadcasting Corporation! And now, a Spot Announcement!

[Dog barking]

Thank you, Spot!

[Music playing]

Narrator: In the deep sea of sleep, the radio reaches Julian! Like a light from above, he finds himself lifted closer and closer to the waking world and becomes suddenly aware that Coco, night watchman at the Eiffel Tower, is there with him!

Julian: Coco, can you hear me? Coco?

Narrator: But the janitor’s words remain beneath the surface of sleep and the old man cannot hear him.

Julian: Coco! Coco…

Narrator: It reminds the janitor of the feeling when he was little of trying to sing or speak underwater. It’s a feeling he often has.

Julian: Coco, why is it so hard to say the things that you really want to say to a person until it’s too late?

Narrator: Coco wonders if he might have heard something. It’s probably the radio; he just noticed that it had fallen to the floor. He bends down to pick it up and accidentally brushes the dial with his sleeve. The janitor hears this, because from the radio comes the sound that makes him happier than no other sound in the world!

[Music]

John: Broadcasting from the top of the Eiffel Tower, the Orbiting Human Circus of the Air!

We start things off with the Orkestral’s version of Cole Porter’s “I’ll Do Anything for Love, But I Won’t Do That” featuring the mime choir of Marie.

[Applause followed by music]

Narrator: As the robed choir of mimes open and close their mouths noiselessly, and the little Orkestral plays its heart out, backstage we find Laeticia with her stagehands Jacques and Pierre, obscured in the shadow of a twelve-foot bowling pin.

Laeticia: Zey had to give away free tickets to get people to come!

Jacques: Seriously, what the hell are we gonna do?

Pierre: Two days’ notice and we’re out of a job?

[Scoff]

Narrator: Dispiritedly, Pierre leans back on the bowling pin.

Laeticia: Pierre! Ten time I tell you don’t lean on ze bowling pin, it is made to fall over!

Pierre: Calm down, Laeticia. Look, look, here, I’m stepping away from it, it’s okay.

Narrator: Host John Cameron comes rushing in.

John: My jacket! Has anyone seen where I put my jacket down?

Laeticia: …You’re wearing it.

John: I’m wearing it!

Narrator: Host John Cameron goes rushing out.

[Music ends, applause]

John: That was the mime choir of the Marie.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t honestly think of a more beautiful way to begin our… final evening… than this very special demonstration you’re about to hear. By remote hook-up, I give you Professor Edelweiss Fleur, broadcasting live from the ship where the Seine meets the sea.

Prof: Uh, I—I cannot hear clearly, the… there’s, there’s a noise.

John: That’s our audience applauding you, Professor.

Prof: Ah, yes. Uh… when, as children, we experiment with singing underwater, uh, other children cannot hear us. But, but the whales can. Uh, blessed with extraordinary hearing, the whale can hear children singing at distances of up to ten nautical miles, and in many cases, answer, unbeknownst to us, with songs of their own.

We will now demonstrate that whales whose migration brings them closest to beaches frequented by children begin to adopt tonal patterns found in human songs.

John: Is this true?

Prof: Yes. A migration of whales will pass momentarily. The sounds of these whales will travel back to the broadcast ballroom where the Orkestral stands ready to accompany any melodic pattern, should one emerge.

John: The Orkestral stands prepared.

[Whale song]

Prof: [Gasps] And here they are!

[Music playing with whale song]

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the janitor’s hospital room, the janitor cannot contain himself.

Julian: Coco!

Narrator: He knows this song!

Julian: Coco, this is what—this is what I wanted to tell you about!

I ran away to my great-grandfather’s as a kid. He used to sing it. It went…

[Bell rings]

[Julian singing in French with the music]

Narrator: Strangely, at that exact moment, back at the broadcast ballroom, John Cameron becomes convinced that he hears someone singing along, a voice echo-y and distant.

John: My god, it can’t be, but… it is! He’s okay?

Narrator: John Cameron is sure that it’s coming from the heating duct!

John: He’s in the vent! Julian!

Narrator: John Cameron rushes to the back of the stage, pulling the curtain aside to see the duct, and there he finds… only wind.

[Wind whistling over music]

[Music ends]

The janitor’s hospital room. Evening shadows cover the janitor’s bed. With the janitor still unable to speak, it was time for the night watchman to report for work. Coco has left, but the janitor continues trying to speak, even though there is no one to hear.

Julian: That song was playing the first night that I ever went to my great grandfather’s house. When I ran away when I was a kid, there was a dinner party, and… I was hiding behind the couch. Um, everybody was at the table and I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t. I was afraid, and everybody was so loud, and they were all laughing and stuff.

And I was watching my great grandfather from behind the couch, and I noticed that my great grandfather didn’t have a shadow. He didn’t! Everything in the room had a shadow but he didn’t have a shadow, and….

When I looked back… he had one, and it was a swan. His shadow was shaped like a swan. And I looked up at him, and then I looked back down at his shadow and it was gone. I—I…

When I looked back again, his shadow was a train.

He was moving things around on the table. He was talking to everybody about all this grown-up stuff, and all the while he was shifting things around, like the salad bowl and wine bottle and—and the glasses, and—and his chair, and nobody knew that he was doing it. Nobody was paying attention, and—and he was leaning back in his spot where there wasn’t… where the chair was hiding his shadow.

And then when he was done, he would lean forward, and he would lean into it, and it would make a picture.

And he was doing it just for me!

And I crawled out from behind the couch. I wanted to become part of something that existed just to make someone smile. I crawled right in the center of his shadow. And I fell asleep.

Narrator: And in the broadcast ballroom, a huge shadow spreads across the stage as the sparklight strikes John Cameron.

[Applause]

John: The whales, ladies and gentlemen! The Orkestral!

And now, behold our stage transformed! A bowling alley of gigantic proportions! Two lanes, two sets of twelve-foot pins, and two cannons! This can only mean one thing, ladies and gentlemen, the world’s two greatest aerialist oddities have challenged each other to a mammalian cannonball bowling contest!

Ladies and gentlemen, Ernest the equestrian cannonball, and Martha, the bovine, cannoness!

[Applause]

The horse aims its cannon, lights its fuse, and climbs inside!

[Horse whinnies, fuse being burned]

[Explosion, horse crying followed by bowling pins falling, applause and music]

It’s a strike, ladies and gentlemen! The cow, the cow aims her cannon, lights her fuse, and climbs inside!

[Explosion, cow crying followed by bowling pins falling, applause and music]

Narrator: But John’s thoughts are elsewhere.

John: I want to die.

[More explosions and crying] And it’s a split, ladies and gentlemen! And now our crew is hustling to reset the pins, ladies and gentlemen, as the horse lights his fuse, climbs inside…

[Quieter] It’s all over.

[Louder] Oh, it’s a loper, ladies and gentlemen…

[Quieter] Could’ve had a beach house…

[Louder] And now it’s Martha, climbing to the cannon, fuse burning down, there she goes!

[Quieter] I’ll be homeless…

[Louder] And it’s a double, ladies and gentlemen, Martha in the lead!

[Quieter] Oh, I’m hearing it now, that singing sounds like a ghost…

[Music getting louder under explosions, crying, bowling pins]

[Louder] And the horse sailing through the air, and he does it, ladies and gentlemen, a pure turkey from the horse, turkey horse, feeling like a proud Thanksgiving turkey right now with a horse!

[High-pitched noise]

[Quietly] What if the janitor… dies?

Narrator: The janitor’s hospital room. A presence as natural to the world as night itself begins to engulf all around him. The janitor can feel that there is something there, and whatever that thing is, it’s come for him.

John: Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know how to say goodbye. So it must be with our show, we don’t want things to end, but they do. And how easy it is to love that which we know will not come back.

And here’s an act, ladies and gentlemen, that certainly will not! For our final feature presentation, the riveting memoir of one of our most beloved regular performers. You’ve all enjoyed his work; we’ll now learn his extraordinary story! It’s Yurmac, the pie-eating Cossack!

Yurmac: Hallo! I am Yurmac. Yurmac, the pie-eating Cossack. It is we Cossacks who eat pie like no others. We who travel the barren, lifeless steppes, longing for the eternal sweetness of raspberry, blueberry, pineapple, gooseberry, lingonberry, banana cream, key lime.

Also, there is savory pies.

Narrator: Backstage at the broadcast ballroom, huddled in consoling embrace, are Laeticia and John Cameron. Beside them, Jacques tries to hide the fact that he is crying while Pierre offers him his handkerchief.

And as Yurmac talks and talks…

Yurmac: …one time, I ate the pie with dog food…

Narrator: As slow as his story is, it is not slow enough for the amassed crowd backstage, for with each word, he seems to count down the remaining minutes left in the life of the show.

Laeticia: [Sighs] Zis place is drafty. Earlier, ze wind sound was so loud, I thought someone was singing.

John: [Gasp] You heard it too?

Narrator: And in the howling wind, John Cameron can almost hear the janitor’s voice now.

John: He’s haunting us!

Narrator: But what’s this? In the distance, a ghostly form that—that is very much like that of the janitor!

[Footsteps, slowly getting louder]

And trailing behind it is something that cannot clearly be seen as it approaches, an unearthly breathing can be heard whistling through the halls.

[Wind whistling]

Jacques: What is that?!

Narrator: Can it be the janitor’s ghost pursued by death itself, come to devour the entire broadcast ballroom and everyone in it?

Unafraid of anything, even Laeticia takes a step back!

Laeticia: [Gasp] Zis cannot be!

Narrator: John Cameron stands frozen, like a deer in the headlights, and Jacques rises to his full height, his heart pounding.

Laeticia: But zis is just like my dream!

Jacques: I ain’t been to confession in fourteen years!

Narrator: It’s drawing nearer now…

Laeticia: I’m ready!

Jacques: Please!

Pierre: I’m not ready!

Narrator: In the darkness, one can begin to make out… the janitor, in a hospital gown, with a zombie-like look on his bloodless face!

The janitor, and that which follows him, finally reach the light!

Jacques: My god!

Narrator: It’s the Great Recitating Platypus of the North!

Julian: John! Laeticia!

John: You’re alive!

Laeticia: Julian!

Julian: I woke up and he was there. I asked him to fix all the things I ruined.

Narrator: Jacques steps forward.

Jacques: [Crying] Mister Platypus, oh my god! Thank you for saving my mother when I was little! She said you came to her, and, and when I was eight I stopped believing in you and I…

Narrator: John Cameron steps between Jacques and the platypus.

John: Mister Platypus, I know you only cure sick and infirmed people, but… we are show-people.

Narrator: And in making this statement, he puts a hand on the janitor’s shoulder to include him in it.

John: And our show is dying. I—I don’t know why you came here but, Mister Platypus, if you were to go on the air, you would save our show. Please.

Narrator: The giant platypus slowly bends forward and places its flipper on John Cameron’s shoulder. John Cameron tears himself away and runs to the stage, only stopping on the way to unplug Yurmac’s feature presentation.

[Applause]

John: Ladies and gentlemen, we have something for you now that has changed everything. And you’re not gonna believe it, I give you no less than the greatest broadcast event in the history of this medium, a being who up till now has only appeared in dreams and stories that we were told as children, here, right now, waiting, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Great Recitating Platypus of the North!

Narrator: The platypus walks onstage…

[Flipper hitting ground, footsteps and applause]

The platypus opens its mouth and is about to speak…

[Chouinard yelling Julian’s name, getting louder]

Narrator: Oh no!

Chouinard: Julian! Julian, you are daydreaming again!

Narrator: The entire ballroom disappears.

Chouinard: I do not pay you to tell stories to the night watchman! I do not pay you to collect fleas and mice! You are not an exterminator! I do not pay you to take the saws from the tool shed god knows where! You are not a carpenter! You are a janitor, and I do not pay you to daydream! Did you get rid of the bird you are keeping in the janitor’s closet like I told you?

Julian: [Quietly] No, Mister Chouinard.

Chouinard: No! Did you mop the upper decks?

Julian: [Quietly] No, Mister—

Chouinard: No! Did I not tell you last night? Did I not throw the bucket at you?

Julian: [Quietly] Yes, Mister Chouinard.

Chouinard: I try to get you to remember. I try to get you to listen. I don’t want to fire you, but if you don’t get your work done, I have to. We open in two hours. Well, get going!

[Wind whistling]

Narrator: His boss has left him. The janitor places down his bucket and rag.

[Clang of the bucket dropping]

He is too tired now to dream of a ballroom at the top of the Eiffel Tower. He walks dejectedly back toward the closet where he lives. He climbs into his cot and curls into a ball.

And outside, it begins raining. Perhaps the tower will get clean after all. The janitor falls asleep.

It is now hours later, and the janitor is awakened by the sound of his boss knocking on the door.

[Knocking]

Chouinard: Julian?

[Knocks again]

Julian. I feel… a little strange, talking to a door. I don’t know if ze bucket hit you in the head. I don’t know if you can ‘ear me… but if you can, oh, Julian, if you can ‘ear me right now, please know zat I am sorry.

[Knocking]

Narrator: But in his closet, the janitor does not reply, as he is somewhere in the space between wakefulness and sleep, and, like millions of French children before him, the janitor’s eyes settle on something in the dark of his room, and he sees there standing the Great Recitating Platypus of the North.

Now, this is no miracle. We do not ask you to believe it so. It is, of course, a mirage, which, in a second, fades like the dream that it is.

But the janitor sits up, because, when you see the platypus in the morning, there is something you must do.

[Knocking]

Chouinard: Er, if you can ‘ear me, please, uh… say ‘Ello’.

[Knocking]

Narrator: Mister Chouinard listens for a reply, but there comes no answer. The janitor is making a wish.

The janitor had dreamed of an audience who had followed him all his life and made him feel like he was not alone. This is his wish. And because he believes that if you see the platypus and you make a wish, it will come true, his heart nearly stops.

He can feel… that you are listening!

[Julian gasps slightly]

And he believes that you are real.

He closes his eyes…

[Static]

Suddenly, there is a wooden stage beneath him!

[Applause]

Around him, a grand ballroom, with a red velvet curtain!

And next to him is… John Cameron! Laeticia! Jacques! Francois! Pierre!

[Applause]

John:Julian, why don’t you sing something?

Narrator: John Cameron nudges the janitor up to the microphone.

John: Go ahead.

Narrator: The Orkestral stands waiting.

John: Come on, sing!

Narrator: And the janitor leans forward, and he takes in a deep breath.

[Music]

Julian: Oh, here you are, and you’re all you wished to be, you’re alive and you’re not alone, not alone, happiness

So, close your eyes, hear the whole world call your name, and you answer, please don’t go

Please don’t go away

All I know is here, and now, and right away

Call me here I will, like the light of day

All of the words of those songs we all will sing, mean the same thing and it’s not goodbye, not it’s not, go away

All my name behold, have strength, have my embrace

All I seem to hear my prayer, don’t go away

Oh, you’re alive, you’ve been all too long to just one thing, and it calls you, please don’t go

Please don’t go away

[Music slows and ends]

[Applause]

Julian: Thank you!

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