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#the only thing she makes right is beef roast. and that recipe was taken from my grandmother so i mean
symphonicmetal101 · 3 years
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After watching some anime, can I request the brothers and Side characters with an MC that makes really great bentos in their aesthetic with their favorite meals? MC could make Lucifer a fancy dish of steak done to his favorite temperature, side dishes are organized neatly, and the bento is red and black to match his design or she made pink/pastel treats for Asmo is a very cute bento that matches his style. I think it would make their day when they receive something so cute from the human
ABSOFRICKINGLUTELY! ANON! I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU! However, I write gn! Whenever possible, so I hope you don't mind. Also, I've only made bento once, so I did a tinny bit of research. Most of them stray from traditional bento, however I tried to make sure I had the four components, (protien, carbs, salad/veggies, and fruit) (except Asmo), and different cooking methods for each. Some of them I forgot to explicitly say what colour the box was, so I'm sorry about that. I didn't do Luke because he had a role in Simeon's, and I blanked. (Sorry) Also, some of them have links bc I started to lose inspiration and motivation to write the same thing over and over again bc brain juice went bye. Hopefully I did this justice, I may have gotten a little carried away...sorry for rambling.
MC Makes Bento For The Boys
Lucifer
Lucifer had been working non-stop for the past few weeks
You had barely seen him, as he was so busy going back and forth from the castle, meetings, and he had banned everyone from his office. It had gotten so bad that he would "postpone" his meals, but nobody had seen him eat in a while.
You had a lot of spare time, so you did meal prep for the whole week just for Lucifer.
It was a little past noon by the time you finished, (and made Beel swear he wouldn't touch the food because you would treat him at Madam Scream's later), so you decided to make a bento box for Lucifer's lunch today with some leftover beef and rice you had.
With your protein and carbs taken care of, you prepared some roasted asparagus to add some colour to the box as well as a couple of carrots. You also added an umeboshi plum on top of the rice to match the colour of the box. (A/N I personally don't mind umeboshi on it's own, but if anyone wants to try it, I highly suggest you eat it with rice or have water on hand 😂)(oh yeah, umeboshi is a small, sour, pickled plum.)
In the final box you arranged a couple of orange slices, strawberries and grapes.
Satisfied, you brought the box and a glass of water up to his study. You didn't even bother knocking, knowing he would just send you away anyways.
You were greeted by a low growl. "Get out."
You rolled your eyes. "No. You need to eat Lucifer, and I'm not leaving until I know you've finished this."
"I don't have time for this MC. I have to-" he was cut off by his stomach rumbling.
He blushed slightly, and continued to busy himself with work.
"Please? I hate seeing you overwork yourself like this. Have you looked in the mirror lately? When was the last time you slept? Eaten? Had something other than coffee? Have you even gone to the bathroom in the past 48 hours?"
He sighed, folded his hands under his chin and looked up at you through disheveled raven locks.
"...you really aren't going anywhere until I eat." It wasn't a question, rather a statement with a trace of relief in it.
You extended the bento box out to him once more, though this time he accepted it.
"....thank you MC.....this is quite delicious. Perhaps once I'm done my work I can take you out to Ristorante Six to show my appreciation."
You pushed his hair back and planted a kiss on his forehead.
"Once you're done your work, you're going to sleep. That's an order, sir."
He silently cursed himself as he felt himself blush again
You were planning to stay until he finished, but then you heard Mammon and Levi fighting.
"I'll take care of that love. Make sure you drink that water too. Also, I prepped meals for the rest of the week for you, so you have no excuse to not eat. I bribed Beel, so they should stay there, but as an extra precaution I got Satan to teach me a protection spell. I didn't tell him what it was for, so it should be fine."
He watched you close the door behind you and wondered what he did to deserve someone like you.
Mammon
He was complaining to you because his actions finally caught up with him, and tomorrow he had to go out and repay some witches with time and favours, (being a bagboy), instead of money
He started belly-aching even more when you told him you weren't interested in joining him.
Luckily you were on dinner duty tonight, so you had a legitimate excuse to leave his pity-party
However while you were making dinner, you decided to show Mammon a little bit of sympathy, and set some rice and pork cutlet aside that you could use later.
After dinner, Mammon followed Lucifer, trying to convince him to give him money.
So you had ample time to continue working on his bento.
He had a three compartment wooden box
You scooped the rice into the box, put the cutlet on top, and two thinly sliced pieces of lemon on top.
You cut up some yellow, red, and orange bell pepper to put in the top left corner of the box
In the last compartment, you cut up golden kiwi, pineapple chunks, and a couple blueberries
You were about to put it in the fridge, when Mammon came screaming into the kitchen.
"MC HELP ME LUCIFER'S MAD I DON'T WANNA GET STRUNG UP AGAIN AND- wait, what's that?"
You sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise Mammon! I made lunch for you for tomorrow, because you're going to be doing some running around and who knows when you'll get a moment to yourself? I was going to cast a spell on it to keep Beel from eating it, so it would have lasted overnight too... I just want to make sure you have something healthy to eat and so you don't have to spend money on take out. If you don't want it though, I'll just give it to Beel..."
He blushed furiously. "Ya don't gotta worry bout me, silly human. The Great Mammon can take care of himself! But-uh, I'll probably end up taking it anyways, because it's umm, it's free food! And Mammon ain't about to pass that up!"
He tried to grab it, but you pulled it close to yourself and turned, blocking him.
"You only want it because it's free? Ok. Fine. You'll have to pay me if you want it." You teased
He whined a bit. "Aw come on, ya even said ya didn't want me spendin money tomorrow! And ya said it was for me! MC, this ain't fair!"
"I didn't say you had to use money."
The next day while Mammon was out and about, trying to carry multiple bags of stuff for the witches, he happily ate his food, a light blush on his cheeks as every bite reminded him of the way you felt against his lips yesterday.
Leviathan
Levi had lost out on another draw despite having spent copious amounts of money on the tickets
As such, he had locked himself in his room to temporarily drown in his sorrows
You decided to make Kyaraben, character bento, for him. (Kyaraben can also refer to animals, real life celebrities, or natural settings)
(I would do Ruri- Chan but I have no fricking clue, so here's a link to a recipe for Pikachu Kyaraben because that's what you did instead)
Hesitantly, you brought your creation to his room and lightly knocked on the door.
"...I don't wanna talk to anyone right now."
"Levi, it's me. I brought something to cheer you up! At least let me give it to you if you don't want me to stay."
You could hear some scuffling and mumbling from behind the door. "I highly doubt there's anything a normie like you can do to help."
You tried to brush that off, because, ouch, but you knew he was upset so you tried not to take it to heart.
He was pouty as he opened the door, his demon form on display.
His expression immediately changed when he saw the bento in your hands.
"WOOOOOAAAHHH!!! THIS IS FOR ME??!! YOU MADE ME BENTO??!! This is something straight out of anime!!! Uh...uhm...d-do you maybe w-want to share it?"
The last part of his sentence had him blushing furiously, and he refused to look you in the eye.
"Sure. Maybe we can watch that anime you texted me about a couple days ago too."
His eyes lit up with joy as he used his tail to gently grab your wrist and pull you excitedly to his couch.
Once he had arranged everything to his liking, he sat down and bashfully accepted the bento.
At some point, he asked if he could feed it to you, however, there was only one pair of chopsticks
Blushy otaku very much enjoyed the bento, not only because it was like his anime, but also because it was you who made it.
He also got a couple indirect kisses, and could not focus on anything but that for the next few days.
Satan
You and Satan had been spending a lot of time together lately because he was helping you study for a test
Thanks to Satan's tutoring, you had managed to get a much higher score on the test than you had imagined.
As thanks, you wanted to make a kitten Kyaraben
You found him in the library at a desk, hunched over a book, studying some foreign language.
He was so engrossed in his studies that he didn't notice you right away, so you tapped him gently on his shoulder.
"Ah, MC. I'm afraid I missed you coming in. Are you alright?"
You smiled and nodded. You brought the box out from behind your back with your test papers on top, the mark clearly visible.
"I couldn't have gotten that mark without your help, so I made you some bento as thanks. I hope you like it."
His eyes widened in surprise. "Oh MC, that wasn't necessary. Spending time with you was enough for me, but thank you."
He slid the lid off the bento and chuckled when he saw what you had done.
"That's quite clever kitten. Perhaps next time you can show me how to make it?"
His pet name made you blush a bit, but that didn't stop you from agreeing.
You two spent the next few hours discussing different meals you guys could learn to make together.
Asmodeus
Asmo had been taking you shopping lately, hyping you up and helping you destress with spa nights
In return, you decided to make a dessert bento box in a pretty pink container.
It was a square container split into nine compartments.
Across the top three compartments, you arranged a rainbow of mochi.
On the bottom three you arranged a rainbow of macaroons.
In the two outside compartments left, you put a mini Wicked cupcake in each
Finally in the middle, you arranged Hershey's kisses into a heart.
Satisfied, you made your way to his room and announced your presence at his door.
"Come in darling~ I'm just finishing up my nails!"
You let yourself in and settled across the table from Asmo.
"I brought you something. I just wanted to thank you for helping me out lately and show you how much I appreciate you!"
You placed the box next to him so he could see what you had done.
His squeal of excitement almost decimated your eardrums, however moments later you were enveloped in a very tight, heartfelt, "smooshy" hug, but his elated expression made up for your temporary loss of hearing.
"Ohh MC! You're so sweet!!!! These look delicious, let's share them!! Just let me take a picture first with my favourite snack!!"
You sat back and expected him to pick up a cupcake, but yelped as he pulled you into the frame.
"I said with my favourite snacc MC, and I meant it!!" (Yes, he still took a picture of the bento)
Beelzebub
You wanted to plan an outdoor date for the two of you that wouldn't require you to excersize.
So you decided to try and make Koraku Bento, or picnic bento, but even bigger in hopes you would be able to temporarily satiate Beel's hunger
Because you were making so much, you needed multiple boxes, and a couple days to prepare, so you asked Simeon if you could work at PH so Beel wouldn't get to it early.
Of course, he agreed
Day one, you prepared five different fillings for the Onigiri you were planning to make: sha-ke (salted salmon),umeboshi (Japanese pickled plum), okaka (bonito flakes moistened with soy sauce), kombu (simmered kombu seaweed), tuna mayo (canned tuna with Japanese mayonnaise)
Day two you prepared three large protiens, (chicken, beef, and pork), each enough to fill about two containers each. You cooked each of them differently. You also cut up/prepared vegetables you wanted to use for tempura.
Day three you woke up early in order to be ready to take Beel out after his game. You made rice and finished making the Onigiri, (which Luke was adamant you let him make with you).
And Simeon helped you make the tempura and a beautiful salad to accompany everything else.
However, now there was a lot of stuff to carry and you wanted to greet Beel out of his game.
So the angels took care of transporting the food to the roof while you went to get Beel
"Why are we going to Purgatory Hall? Are we having dinner with the angels?"
"Not quite. The date I wanted to take you on had a slight change of plans. We just need to get to the roof-"
"Do you want me to fly us up there?"
You considered it for a moment then agreed. If nothing else, you would be avoiding Solomon.
Once you landed, appreciation for the angels swelled as they had laid everything out so beautifully.
"...oh. It looks like someone else is doing something up here. It smells really good, so we should probably go. I don't want to eat someone else's food and ruin their night by accident....again." He tried to leave, but you pulled on him gently.
"I'm glad you think it smells good. This is for you! I made it for you, and the angels helped me bring it up here when I went to pick you up."
His eyes widened. "...All of that...you made it for me?"
You couldn't help but smile and nod at his bashful expression.
He hugged you gently. "Thank you MC. I know that took a lot."
"It was worth it! You haven't even tried it yet. Come on, I'm hungry!" You giggled.
Beel's stomach growled in response, causing a slight blush to light his cheeks. You're so good to him❤
Belphegor (this has a bit of crack energy, I'm sorry. So will Solomon's😅)
"MC....can you pass me my D.D.D?"
"MC....can you give me a massage?"
"MC....can you switch my laundry for me?"
"MC....can you pass me my pillow?"
"Belphie, I love you. I understand you're the Avatar of Sloth. But what the actual fuck? Your pillow is under your arm, just move it under your head. I've already gotten up, like six times to do stuff for you."
He groaned. "But it takes too much effort!" He smushed his cheek into his arm and attempted to give you puppy-dog eyes.
"Sorry, only Beel can pull that off. If you want your pillow moved less than a foot, you're going to do it yourself. You of all people should now how frustrating it is to get up as soon as you sit down."
He groaned again and grumbled as he moved his own damn pillow.
You tried to relax a bit. Normally your time with Belphie consisted of cuddles, movie nights, planeterium visits, or just plugging into some music and enjoying each other's company, like you were trying to do now.
Until you made eye contact with him again.
He was going to ask something-
"MC........... can you get me a snack?"
Dear God, he was not gonna like this.
"Of course Belphie. I'd love to."
You made your way to the kitchen with new found energy.
You were going to make Shikaeshi Bento (revenge lunchbox)
Basically, it's supposed to be inedible or embarrassing, and be used to convey anger or overall dissatisfaction
So you grabbed his bento box, dumped uncooked rice into it, cracked an egg and left the shell in the box. You used purple food colouring to make a heart.
You brought the box up to Belphie, who was surprisingly still awake
"That was quick."
You grunted in response and walked out
"Hey why are you leaving?!"
A few seconds later, you heard, "MC! ...WHAT DID I DO??!! I JUST WANTED A SNACK!!...MC PLEASE COME BACK I DON'T WANNA GET UP!!"
Diavolo
So, usually Barbatos is in charge of making sure the Demon Prince eats
However, you told Barbatos that you wanted to make something special for Dia
"My Lord would thoroughly enjoy anything you made for him. He's been very busy lately, so I'm sure he would appreciate the kind gesture."
Barbatos graciously gave you precedence over the kitchen, giving you full access to everything you could ever need or want.
You decided to make him bento with your favourite protein
One compartment you filled with rice, using sesame seeds and an umeboshi for garnish
You arranged pieces of your favourite fruits in one of the smaller compartments
Then you made your favourite type of tempura, and prepared the sauce to go in the last two compartments
You asked Barbatos where Diavolo would be, and he escorted you to his office.
"My Lord, MC has come to speak with you."
Diavolo's head shot up and his face lit up with delight as he watched you walk through the door.
"MC! A welcome surprise. How are you? Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine! I actually just wanted to give you something." You gave him the black box.
"I made bento with some of my favourite things...you mentioned wanting to get to know me a little bett-"
You were cut off by Diavolo crushing you in a hug
"...My Lord, MC needs to breathe."
"Ah, my apologies MC. This is the most wonderful, meaningful thing anyone has ever given me. How can I adequately express my gratitude? Simply name anything you want, and it shall be yours."
Once you had regained your breath, you gave him a small smile.
"Anything? Could I trouble you for your time?"
"MC, Lord Diavolo must finish his work in a timely matter. I can clear his schedule for afterwards."
"Barbatos, could they stay long enough for us to share the wonderful meal they've prepared?"
Usually Diavolo's begging and sad eyes™ would be powerless against him, however the soft spot he had for you and your much- less-seen sad expression were enough for him to bend this once.
"My Lord, I'll be back in an hour. I'm afraid that's all the time I can allow."
He stepped out, and allowed a small smile form on his face as he heard the two of you celebrate, also knowing that later on he would be listening to a very happy prince recount everything you two talked about and how much he loved you.
Barbatos
You, the brothers, and the other exchange students had been invited to the demon lord's castle for another event
It wasn't for another day, but you felt your chest tighten as you remembered Barbatos
Did he even get to eat those days when everyone was there?
You didn't want to take that chance, and decided to set up a small, filling bento box.
It only had three compartments, so you stuffed each one.
One had rice and meat.
You made some sushi and tamagoyaki to go on top.
For the last compartment, you made a simple chickpea salad.
The next day, Barbatos welcomed you all to the castle, as per usual.
However, this time he stuck around once the brothers and others had left.
"I...Well you already know, but this is for you!"
He nodded and graced you with a smile. "My knowing does not take away from my appreciation MC. Admittedly, nights like this are very demanding. I will repay you later. Thank you."
He tried to walk away, but you yelled after him, "You're not supposed to repay someone for a gift! Just take it!!"
He smiled to himself as he started to eat some food.
Perhaps this night would not be as taxing as he thought
Simeon
You had been experimenting new dinner recipes with Luke at Purgatory Hall; you were watching him while Simeon was away.
"If we leave these leftovers out, Solomon will get to them and ruin them."
"....why don't we make bento for Simeon? He's coming back tomorrow, isn't he?"
Luke beamed at you. "Okay!"
He went to get a small bento box divided into fifths (two large bottom compartments and three small top ones).
"Ok, so in one of the big ones, we can fit the rest of the rice."
Luke nodded. "Can I use this?" He held up a star-shaped cookie cutter.
"Of course!" You helped him mould the rice into a stable star shape.
He looked so happy designing stuff, you let him take the lead.
By the time you were finished, it was easily the most stunning dish you had seen.
"Wow MC! We should do this more often!" He was very proud of himself, and rightfully so. "I can't wait to give it to Simeon!....Is it ok if I give it to Simeon? It was your idea, so it's ok if you want to do it instead..."
You just smiled at him. "You can give it to him, you did most of the work anyways. For now though, you need to get to bed."
He pouted slightly, but complied.
The next morning you woke up to Luke speaking very animatedly to Simeon.
"Yeah! We tried a bunch of new things, and then MC suggested we make you a bento box with the leftovers, and it turned out really well so I can't wait for you to try it!!"
You leaned against the kitchen doorframe observing the interaction.
"Thank you Luke, it looks wonderful. Good morning MC. I hope you slept well. Thanks for ba- for helping Luke while I was away."
He smiled gently at you before Luke was trying to get him to try the bento again.
He took a bite and smiled at Luke.
"It's delicious. You guys must have put a lot of love into it, as always." He looked directly at you at that point, but Luke was too elated to notice the silent exchange between you too.
Solomon
"Don't get mad at me! You agreed to test spells with me!"
"You asked me when I was half asleep Solomon! I also meant later, not right away!"
"Well, you're not a frog anymore, so I don't see what the problem is."
.... No, you weren't a frog anymore
That didn't mean you were happy about being a frog in the first place.
You texted Simeon, 'Who's on lunch duty today?"
"Me. Why?"
"I'll make us bento. We can picnic, the exchange students, that is."
So you spent the next little bit making normal bento for the three of you.
"Simeon said we should probably leave in five minutes" you thanked Luke and started on Solomon's.
You made Shikaeshi bento; you cracked four eggs and aligned their yolks into a rather phallic shape, added way too much fish oil, and threw a few sesame seeds on top.
However, once you made it to the picnic grounds, Solomon opened his box and gasped.
"MC, you know me so well!" And proceeded to drink right out of the box, the rest of you looking on in horror.
"I thought you were mad at me and you were going to give me something disgusting like Mac and Cheese. I guess all is forgiven. Thank you!"
At that point you couldn't even stay mad, that was just disgusting.
Aye, I hope you liked it anon, not sure if this is quite what you meant but....yeah.
Love y'all!
Masterlist
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harrysgloves · 4 years
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Fine Line
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>>>Catch up with the Fine Line Masterlist!<<<
word count: 2.5k
story summary: You and Harry had always walked that fine line of friends or something more. Singlemom!Reader x Harry Styles
warnings: Language // Arguments // Intimidation? 
a/n: Let me know what you think. I love feed back. Especially since I’ve been stuck in a writing rut and this seems to be the only story I can focus on lately.
>>><<<
The second those two pink lines showed up on that plastic test your whole life changed. Your whole mindset changed. A swirl of anxiety and excitement whirled around in your stomach that now housed your child.
Your child.
You squealed as you looked at the pregnancy test. No, you and your boyfriend of 3 years definitely weren’t trying to get pregnant but this was one of the best accidents that you'd ever had.
Your heartbeat fast in your chest as you laid the test on the bathroom counter. Tears leaking out of the corner of your eyes as you looked lovingly at those two bright pink lines.
You pulled out your phone, snapping a picture of the test, and sending it to two of your oldest long distance best friends. This was too much information to process on your own and you definitely needed some ideas on how you were going to tell your boyfriend.
You hadn't even had time to put your phone down when it started ringing in your hand. The vibration startled you out of your thoughts.
"Hey." You said with a big smile across your face. Grinning from ear to ear, so excited to talk about your big news.
"Don't hey me like that! Oh my god, I'm so excited!" One of your best friends, Abby, said from the other line, her voice higher than usual.
"I know me too. It was totally unplanned though. I'm not sure how he'll react." You said with a sigh, your eyes never leaving the test for long. Constantly checking back to make sure none of the lines had disappeared.
"He'll be excited or I'll punch him in the dick." She mumbled under her breath making you laugh as you took the test and hid it in a drawer in the bathroom.
"We've never talked about it before." You chewed anxiously on the inside of your cheek. Your already upset stomach growing weaker by the second.
How had you never talked about this before with him? Why haven't you?
Those pesky thoughts of him turning up his nose at children during family gatherings looming in your mind. Would he be like that with his own child?
"I'll be your baby daddy." She said, cutting off your thoughts.
"Shut up." You said with a laugh as you leaned against the countertop. Not entirely sure if you were going to barf or not with how much you'd managed to work yourself up.
"Are you at work?" You asked when you heard phones ringing in the background.
"Duh."
"You could have texted." You said sternly.
She had never taken her secretary's job seriously and you didn't blame her. It wasn’t at all what she had originally planned to do but things change when schooling costs as much as it does.
"This is not a texting moment! Besides, this place doesn't pay me enough anyway."
"Probably because you're on your phone during company time." You said, choosing to ignore her annoyed tone of voice as you made your way out of your bathroom and into the living room. Plopping down on the couch, your hand instinctively going to your flat stomach.
"How're you going to tell him?" She asked, changing the topic from you telling her off.
"Dunno. I might tell him after dinner, like make his favorite meal or something and tell him afterward."
You honestly had no idea how to tell someone they were going to be a dad. Sure, you saw those videos of people surprising their husbands with gifts and videotaping it for all of Instagram to see but that seemed so impersonal to you.
Plus, you had no idea how the hell he'd handle something like this. Would he cry? Would he leave you?
You honestly had no idea. The only sort of children interaction you two had together was the times your baby cousins showed up for your family's Christmas party and he didn’t go anywhere near them.
"Ohhh, romantic." She said you hummed your agreement as you closed your eyes. Your head was pounding with yet another headache which you now knew was because of all the hormones your body was producing.
"Maybe I could buy an onesie or something. I don't know… I'm nervous." You said, with your arm going over your eyes. You needed a nap, desperately.
"Don't be, girl. He loves you."
"Yeah, I know, just anxious. You know how guys are."
That nervous tick of yours coming through as you took your hand off your eyes to bit your nails. The state of them was gruesome.
"Don't be anxious. You've been together since college. You live together. I mean, you guys are like the dream team."
"Thanks, Abs." You sighed, pulling your hand away from your mouth and back over your eyes.
"No problem, let me know how tonight goes, okay?" She said, sensing the conversation was over as your voice grew more and more tired.
"Alright. Love you." You said with a slight smile on your face, knowing whatever happened you at least had great friends who would always have your back.
"Love you too babies and so does Jesse just remember that."
>>>
After your much-needed nap, you spent the rest of the day cleaning your apartment. Every speck of dust removed from every surface of the home you two had made together over the years.
Every picture of you two traveling to different countries wiped down. Every pillow you bought while visiting his family out of state fluffed. Every piece of furniture you two decided on together was polished.
You even managed to cook his favorite meal that his mother gave you the recipe for the last time you had been to see her at the retirement home she now lived in.
Everything was perfect.
The smell of the roast beef dinner wafted through the air in the apartment as you sat the dish on the dining room table. The tall and slender white candles burned bright in their holders. The soft warm glow from the flames dancing across the room as you sat in your chair smoothing down the dress you pulled out of the back of your closet.
It was 5:49 and the love of your life should be home any minute.
You nervously fidgeted with your hands, fumbling with your hair, tugging your dress as the minutes ticked away. Your heart picking up its pace the closer it got to 6. The sound of the door opening had you jumping out of the chair, startled but trying your best to keep a calm exterior as you turned to smile at Jesse.
His eyebrows furrowed tightly together as he took in the sight around him. His favorite dinner on the table, you dressed in one of his favorite dresses that you hadn't worn in forever. That bright smile on your face as you sauntered over to him.
"Wow, you look amazing." He said, leaning down to kiss you, his bag and coat was haphazardly thrown to the ground as he wrapped his arms around you. A smile on both your lips as he pulled you close to him.
"Didn't miss any important days, right?" He asked when you pulled back from the kiss, your fingers brushing his soft brown hair out of his eyes.
"Nope. Just wanted to surprise you with something nice." You lied smoothly, hoping he didn't notice your eyes darting away from his.
"It's perfect, baby. Thank you." He said before kissing your forehead.
You had to constantly remind yourself to not start crying from him being so sweet as you took his hand and led him to the table. He quickly walked in front of you to pull out a chair for you.
"Feel like it's my birthday or something." He said as he settled into his own chair. Eagerly dipping out a plate for both of you.
"Well, you work hard. It's nice to come home to this every once in a while." You shrugged as you picked up your fork to eat the meal your stomach and baby definitely weren’t in the mood for.
"Thank you, I know you haven't been feeling good lately, means a lot." He said with a smile as he leaned across the table to give you a chaste kiss.
"I wanted to talk to you about that actually." You said after you swallowed down the food that seemed to be stuck in your throat. Quickly downing a glass of water when he hummed out for you to continue, his mouth full of your delicious dinner.
"I'm pregnant." You said excitedly a smile on your face that quickly fell when you saw his wide blue eyes. His fork clattering against the nice China plate.
"You're joking." An incredulous look on his face as he eyed you down across the table that had suddenly started to feel more like an interrogation table.
"What? No. I'm not joking."
"You've got to be kidding." He said his voice rising as his hand brushed through his hair. Letting out a sigh as he crossed his arms to look down at you.
"No, Jess. I'm not kidding. I'm pregnant." You said yet again. His face contorting from confusion to anger, lips pursing as his eyes flashed in a way you'd never seen before.
"This is a mistake! You can't be, we use protection!" He roared from the other side of the table. His hand slamming down on the glass top so hard all the dishes clattered and clanked against each other.
"Birth control doesn't always work." You instinctively grabbed your stomach as you backed away slightly in your chair. Tears in your eyes as you looked at the guy you loved ripping your heart into pieces.
"Bullshit. You must have missed a dose or stopped on purpose!"
"I didn't stop it or miss any doses. What's wrong with you?" You asked, your voice rising as all your hopes and dreams of this night and your future together started to crumble down around you.
"I don't want a fucking child, Y/N! That's what's fucking wrong with me." He yelled as he flipped his dinner plate on the floor. Food flying across your perfectly cleaned floors and walls.
"Well, it's too late for that!" You yelled back as you stood up from your spot at the table. Tears flowing freely down your cheeks as you turned to leave the room.
Hoping time to cool down would do him some good. Help him get his head on straight. Realize this is his child.
"Abort it." He called out making you stop in your tracks.
"What?" You asked, giving him one more chance to take what he had just said back, wishing by him taking it back that he didn't mean it.
"You heard me. Abort it. I don't want it." He scoffed in an irritated tone and suddenly, like a light switch flipping, the man you cared for and wanted to spend your whole life with looked more like a monster than he did a man.
"I'm not aborting our fucking child!" You yelled at him. Your body shaking as you cried the hardest you've ever cried in your life.
"I'm not raising a kid. Either abort it or leave." He said with his head pressed firmly in his hands.
Your mind already made up as you headed for your bedroom.
"Where are you going?" He asked, following behind you as you tore a bag out of your closet and hastily threw random items of clothing in it.
"Y/N?" He asked again when you pushed by him, storming out of the bedroom and towards the front door.
"Y/N, fucking stop! What are you doing?" He yelled this time, his voice vibrating along the walls in the house you used to call home as you slipped on your shoes.
"You gave me an ultimatum." You said as you dried your eyes and opened the door. "I've made my choice."
"My things will be out by the end of next week." You said as you stared out the door towards your car. Forcing yourself to walk straight out the door, slamming it behind you.
Your heart broke into a million pieces as you drove to the only other place in the world you wanted to be. Realizing within seconds that Jesse wasn't going to come after you. He didn't call out for you, didn't follow you out the door, didn't even bother to text or call as you drove the 15 minute trip to where you were going.
Your eyes filled with tears as you stood on the doorstep with your bag around your shoulder. The tall door in front of you looming over you as you stared at. You couldn't even bring yourself to knock as you sobbed into your hands, crumbling into a ball onto the steps.
"Y/N?" The sound of your name snapped you out of your breakdown. Your head turned to see one of your oldest friends in the doorway of his house.
"Hi, Harry." You said through your tears, your hand wiping away the rivers that flowed on your cheeks as you looked up at him.
"What're doin' 'ere? Where's Jess?" He asked, stepping forward towards you, his hands wiping away the sleep from his eyes.
"I- um…" You stuttered, your eyes darting away from his. "I need a place to stay for a few days and you always said I'd have a place here."
"Course y'do. Told y'when we were 8 that I'd always have a room fo' yeh." A hint of a smile on his face that slid off the second you didn't respond.
He sighed sitting down beside you. His shoulder pressed tightly against yours as you both looked out towards the street. The city lights twinkling like stars.
"Wot happened?" He finally broke the silence between you two. Your head laying on his shoulder as you took a deep breath in, trying to remind yourself to be calm.
"I'm pregnant and he told me to abort it or leave." You said, Harry's arm wrapping around your shoulder instantly, pulling you into some sort of weird sideways hug that was tight enough to almost hurt but was the kind of hug you needed. Silent tears falling from your eyes onto his white shirt as his head rested on the top of your hair.
"So, I left." You sighed. Your body sagging as Harry tensed up behind you but you were too exhausted from the day, exhausted from the hormones, exhausted from the crying to even notice.
"Okay, let's get y'inside, yeah?" He asked you nodded your agreement as he helped you inside.
"Can you call Gem and Abs? Let them know I'm okay? They're blowing up my phone." You said once you were inside the house. Your long-forgotten bag placed by the front door as Harry locked it again.
"Yeah, I'll call 'em." He said as he took your hand pulling you to the guest room.
"Thanks, Hazza." You mumbled as you turned to face him. Your arms around him as you nuzzled into his chest.
"Always 'ere fo' yeh, Y/N/N."
249 notes · View notes
crackerjackawrites · 3 years
Text
Journey to the Giggling Glade, or, Adventures of a Cottagecore NB Who Works in a Cafe (6k Words)
 Roman heads to a magical forest to gather some plants for their boss, Clara. But things don’t go as planned when Roman stumbles upon a mysterious figure outside the forest. (originally written August 2021)
“Roman!”
Roman darted past a server, nearly sending the plate of roast beef and vegetables crashing to the floor. They scurried past a chef leaning over a saucepan, disrupting his chanting and making him drop a half conjured tomato into the pan, it immediately began to sizzle. They ran through a large cloud of steam, taking in the rich smell of the sauce that was boiling just next to them. Finally, they got to the other side of the kitchen. Clara was standing there, her arms folded. Despite her mean demeanor, she was beaming, as always.
“Yes, Miss Clara?” panted Roman.
“I need you for an errand, dearie. I’ve just run out of spitebark root. Could you go out and get some for me, please?”
“Of course, Miss Clara,” said Roman, “Which store is that from again?”
Clara chuckled heartily, “Oh, dearie. It’s not from any store. You need to go out to the Giggling Glade.”
Roman’s face dropped, they couldn’t go out to the Glade! 
“I can’t go out to the Glade!” they said.
“Why of course you can, dearie. Come with me!”
Clara shuffled out of the bustling kitchen and into her private office. Roman had only been in there once before, when they first applied to work at Clara’s. Clara walked over to the side of the room, where a small table with two built-in hobs lay. The stove clicked as Clara set the temperature, before it finally ignited with flames. She grabbed a frying pan and placed it over the fire, then she began to cast into the pan. 
She placed her hand calmly in the centre of the pan, the roaring fire beneath not seeming to bother her at all. Granny hands, figured Roman, they were fireproof. She closed her eyes and exhaled, oil began to pool at her fingertips. The oil spread out until a thin layer covered the whole pan. As the oil began to boil, Clara clapped her hands together and separated them, between her palms appeared a rolled up piece of thin, edible wrapper with what looked to be chocolate inside. She placed the creation into the pan.
“These are ji-ai,” she said while summoning another into her hands and laying it beside the first, “a recipe from Western Piasohn. That’s not the important thing, though.” she waggled a third ji-ai at Roman, “I’m enchanting these. If you get injured, eat one and it will help. I’ll make you three, that should be plenty.” 
Clara turned from the three ji-ais in the pan. The smell of melting chocolate danced its way over to Roman and up their nose. The rich sweetness reminded them of a recipe their father used to make. Clara took a small bowl, placed her hand into it and concentrated again. Instead of filling with oil, the bowl began to fill with a golden sugar. 
“Now, spitebark is a funny little plant. They’re named spitebarks because they hate growing near each other. In fact, they hate each other so much that the flowers face in the complete opposite direction to the nearest other plant. That means you can always find them in pairs! I only need two as well, so you shouldn’t need to look for long - one will be for planting and the other will be for experimenting as soon as you get back.”
Clara turned back to the pan, the ji-ais were nicely browning. She flipped them over in the oil and walked over to a bookshelf. She grabbed a book and flicked through it before finding the right page.
“These are spitebarks,” she said, pointing to a drawing of a long, thin, brown plant. It looked like a twig from a tree had been planted in the ground. Clara moved her finger down the illustration, stopping at the large root at the bottom, “This is what I need, you can cut the rest of the plant off when you find it.” 
Clara reached into the pan and took out the first ji-ai, she rolled it around in the sugar until it was lightly coated, then she placed it onto a white napkin. She did this with the other two before wrapping them up. She then placed the napkin into a small pouch and handed it to Roman, who tied it to their belt. 
“Here you go, dearie! Now, you know how to get to the Glade, don’t you?”
Of course they knew how to get to the Glade, they’d been told their whole life to stay as far away from it as possible. And they had. 
Now, Roman stood before the Forest of Fables (which the Glade lay within). Clara had walked with them out of New Elmus but they had been on their own since leaving the city limits. Now all they had to do was find the Glade. It shouldn’t be hard, right? They just had to start walking and they’d stumble upon it eventually. That was the magic of the Glade - all it took was one step. But Roman had never been to the Glade before, they had no idea what lay within it. Their mother had told them time and time again to never go in but she never said why. Roman had no idea what to expect once they were inside. 
The wind whistling through the trees pulled Roman out of their thoughts and back into the real world. They had been standing at the edge of the forest for some ten minutes now, debating whether to enter or not. Clara would be furious if they came back empty handed. Roman had never seen Clara mad before, even the thought of it was breaking their heart. They had to get the spitebark. They just had to take that first step…
“Oi!” 
It was a voice from behind, Roman spun. Before them stood a tall, lean man with curly, blonde hair. He had his arms crossed and Roman imagined that if he were nearer the forest he would’ve been casually leaning against a tree. His smirk was that of a man who had many secrets, some his own and some belonging to others. He began to approach Roman, walking with a swagger that they were completely expecting, yet was still impressed by. As he got closer, Roman noticed his stark, emerald eyes.
He spoke again, “What’s someone like you doing out here? Didn’t your parents tell you that you shouldn’t go near the Forest of Fables?”
“I’m not a kid.” said Roman, bluntly, “Who are you, anyways?”
The man scoffed, “Haven’t you heard of me?” Roman genuinely hadn’t. The man paused for a second, expecting an answer, but continued once he realised he wouldn’t get one, “The name’s Bailey. Bailey Giload: mercenary for hire.”
“So, what, you’re out here to kill something?”
“Not today, my friend.” Bailey placed an arm over Roman. They flinched, but settled quickly, “Work’s been slow this week so I’ve had to expand my reach. I’m going shopping.”
Roman muttered, “Wait...” under their breath.
Bailey continued, “I’ve been sent out here by Fergus Ford of the Magnificent Beast Bakery. He told me to get him some spitebark root.” So many thoughts were flying through Roman’s head that they couldn’t get anything out before Bailey started speaking again, “But enough about me. You never answered my question; what are you doing in the Forest of Fables?”
In? thought Roman. Then they looked around. Since when had they started walking? Something about Bailey’s confidence had seeped into Roman, singel handedly slaying any intimidation they felt. From the forest, at least.
“I was… just… coming here to see what it’s like. Yeah. I thought maybe I could face my fears and finally try and go to the Glade.”
“You’re going to the Glade?” asked Bailey. 
“Yup.”
“Maybe I could help you out? I feel like I’m a tad more prepared than you are.” Bailey looked Roman up and down, then smirked.
Roman looked down at themselves, they were still mostly wearing the uniform from Clara’s. Then they looked at Bailey, he sported light armour that allowed for significantly more flexibility than the shirt and trousers that Roman wore. There was also a cutlass sheathed at his waist, which Roman imagined Bailey would whip out at any sign of danger, ready to protect them from whatever lay ahead. Then, after the monster was defeated, Bailey would look over to Roman and-
“Stop.” whispered Bailey. 
Roman froze in place and turned to Bailey. They whispered back, “What is it?” 
Bailey pointed deeper into the woods. Roman looked past the thick, mossy trees nearby, but they couldn’t spot what he was pointing at. Then, suddenly, something darted between two trees. Roman didn’t catch what it was. 
“Just stay calm.”
It jumped again, this time Roman saw it. The creature was lanky and covered in dark fur. Something shone from it as it moved. A weapon, maybe. It was hard to see any details from that distance. The creature continued to leap between the trees, slowly making its way over Roman and Bailey’s heads. 
Once it had left their sight, Roman asked, “What was that thing?”
“You’ve never seen an eavener before?”
“That’s an eavener?”
“Please don’t tell me you’ve only ever seen them in those Jaz Carpenter books?”
Roman paused, then looked down at their feet. Bailey struggled to stifle a laugh. 
Bailey continued, smirking and shaking his head, “You’re really not fit for being out here. Maybe you should turn back.”
“No,” said Roman. Bailey looked up, taken aback by their bluntness. “I have to get to the Glade.”
“Alright, fine. But don’t go hurting yourself.”
The two continued walking, only stopping for Bailey to take a drink from a pouch he had strapped to the side of his backpack. Roman sat on a tree stump opposite him. The smells of the forest were pungent now: wet dirt, wet bark and flowers that Roman couldn’t identify.
Bailey looked over, “I haven’t seen you drink anything this whole journey, why?”
“I didn’t bring water.”
Bailey’s eyes widened this time. They lowered the bottle from their mouth, “Oh my God, Roman,” suddenly Bailey’s whole demeanor changed, the once cocky persona melted away to reveal caring eyes and genuine worry. Bailey handed his pouch to Roman, “Here, take it. Finish it for all I care. Once we get back out of here I’m gonna teach you everything. I can tell you want to be out here adventuring but you’re clearly not prepared for it. Would that be alright?”
Roman put the pouch to their mouth. They didn’t drink enough to finish it, but it was still a significant swig. “Thank you,” they said.
“Cool,” said Bailey, “It’s a date.”
Roman nearly spat the water from their mouth, then they swallowed, “A date?”
“I mean,” Bailey perched on the stump next to Roman, “If you want to call it that.” 
He reached out for Roman’s hand. A heat rose within Roman, like coal being furiously shoveled into a furnace.
“I’d love to,” the hearth of their heart was erupting now. No one had ever seen them in this way before, and Roman had never seen anyone the way they were seeing Bailey right now.
Bailey closed his eyes and lent forward, Roman quickly caught on and followed suit. When their lips locked it was like nothing Roman had ever felt before. 
Then there was a thud and the sound of leaves rustling. Bailey let out a cry, nearly biting Roman’s lip. Roman’s eyes snapped open, they were still face-to-face with Bailey, but behind him stood the eavener. It loomed over Bailey, its long body taking it to nearly six foot when it stood on its hind legs. Its head was like that of a weasel. Roman bolted up from the stump and began to back away from the beast. 
“Please, stay back,” they said.
The eavener jumped from the stump, tearing its arms out of Bailey’s back. Roman saw that it had a piece of sharp flint in each hand. They were covered in blood now. Bailey’s blood.
It began to speak in a low whisper, “Get out of here while you can. And do not associate yourself with this human.” Then it leaped high into a nearby tree and scampered up it. 
“Bailey!” called Roman, running over to him. Bailey had fallen back after the eavener had jumped off of him and now he lay slumped over the stump he sat on.
His voice was frail, “Get out, Roman.... Save yourself.”
“No!” said Roman, “I can save you.” Roman untied the pouch from their waist and pulled out a ji-ai, “Here, take this.”
They fed Bailey the healing pastry, desperately hoping it would cure him like Clara said it should. But what if the wound was too large? Or what if the eavener had some sort of magical poison that gourmantic food couldn’t heal?
“Thank you,” said Bailey, “But why?” Then, his eyes widened and his face beamed with realisation.
“See?” said Roman, “Maybe I’m not all that useless after all.”
“No,” he said, colour already beginning to flood back into his face, “Saving me once doesn’t excuse forgetting to bring water.”
“Okay, fair,” said Roman, smirking.
The two sat there for a moment, Bailey still lying down on the stump and Roman sitting up next to him. They stared into each other’s eyes, living the moment. 
Bailey broke the silence, “So… are you going to tell me where you got those from? You don’t seem like you’d be prepared or experienced enough to bring something like that.”
Busted, thought Roman. They sighed, “Fine. I’m here to get spitebark root too. I’m here for Clara.”
Bailey sat up, “What?”
“Look-”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
“It just never c-”
Bailey jumped up from the log, “We kissed! You should’ve said before that!”
“It never came up!”
“It shouldn’t need to come up!”
Roman looked away, “Look, okay,” they said, “You’re not perfect either!”
“What do you mean?”
“The eavener told me. It said, ‘do not associate with this man.’ There’s something up with you, too.”
“Wait, when did it say that?”
“Right after it stabbed you! You were probably too busy wailing to hear.”
“Oh c’mon! Now you’re picking on me for screaming in pain after I got stabbed!”
Roman paused, “No. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” Bailey smiled weakly.
Roman couldn’t help but beam back at him, “God damn it. You’re too cute for your own good!”
“No more secrets?”
“No more secrets.”
“Great!” Bailey spun around, before pointing in the direction they had been heading before, “Then let us continue.”
“Alright,” said Roman, following Bailey, “But you said it yourself, ‘No more secrets.’ So you’ve got to tell me, what did the eavener mean?”
Bailey huffed, “Fine.” He looked thoughtful for a second, probably thinking through what he was going to say. “The eavener’s don’t like me because of an old job I had. I can’t tell you who it was for - client confidentiality and all that - but suffice it to say they were powerful and rich. This was back when I had a party, there were four of us. I don’t really want to talk about them though. Anyway, we were asked by this client to go to the Forest of Fables and find the eaveners’ hideout, so that the client could bring in their army to eradicate them.”
“An army?” asked Roman, “Who was this guy, the king?”
Bailey glanced at Roman, his face blank, innocent.
“Oh.” said Roman, they looked down at their feet “Right.”
“Yeah,” continued Bailey, “After we arrived in the Glade it didn’t take long to find the eavener huts. You know how this place works. You’ll find what you’re looking for. They build their houses in the treetops, y’know? Put leaves underneath them to camouflage with the canopy. We only noticed them after a bird flew overhead and made…” Bailey mumbled a name, “-look up.” He took a long breath, Roman wrapped their arm over his shoulder. “We joked that we might have already walked past them and that the Forest was desperately trying to get us to find what we were looking for.” Bailey chuckled, and tears welled up in his eyes. He sniffed, “It didn’t go well, Roman. We were ambushed. I was the only one who made it out. And now the King thinks we’re all dead and if he knew I was alive he’d sure as hell try to stop me! And so now I’m stuck in mercenary limbo. I change my name for every job so that no one can track me.”
“Does that mean-?” 
“Bailey’s not my real name, no. But I don’t really have a real name. My birth name belonged to someone who abandons their team when anything goes wrong. I’m different now. And I’ve never settled on one name since. Maybe Bailey can become my real name. Since it’s what I was using when I finally found someone worth having an identity for.”
Roman stopped, “That’s…” The flood gates opened, Roman wasn’t expecting it to be theirs. They flung their arms around Bailey. Bawling, Roman said, “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!”
Bailey patted Roman’s head then returned the hug, “Y’know,” he said, “We’re never going to get to the Glade if you keep stopping to be this cute!”
“Alright, alright,” said Roman, collecting themself, “Let’s go!”
Bailey squinted, “Is that-? Oh my God it is! Roman, we’re finally here!”
Roman gasped, and the pair ran towards the glade.
Bailey burst into the Glade, and Roman stumbled out not too long after. It was filled with bright light which highlighted the tall, radiant grass and sparkled off of a stream that travelled through. There were rocks neatly placed around, it almost looked too perfect to be real, but magic did that sometimes. A gust of wind blew towards the pair, when it moved through the trees behind them it sounded like laughter. That was how the Giggling Glade got its name. 
By the time Roman had struggled past the bushes and branches at the Glade’s borders and gotten used to the sudden change in brightness due to the lack of canopy, Bailey had already clambered up a rock and was scouting the area, his hand placed firmly at his brow to block out the sun. 
Roman called up to him, “Any specific place to look for spitebark?”
“I don’t know. This is my first time too.”
“You have first times? I figured you’d have already done everything there is to do.”
Bailey laughed, “Hey, there’s a difference between being better than you and being the best, a big one. Anyway I don’t think scouting up here is doing any good for finding the spitebark. From my understanding, they’re pretty small.”
“Why were you up here then?”
“Force of habit. Either that or some desperate hope that they’d be here.”
“Oh,” muttered Roman, but Bailey paid them no mind as he began to climb down.
Once he reached the bottom, Bailey looked full of energy again, “So,” he said, “What’s the plan?”
“So we’re looking for those thin, brown plants. They look like sticks,” said Roman.
“Yep.”
“And they don’t grow close together, that's why they’re called spitebark.”
“Really?” said Bailey, “Ford could’ve said something about that.”
Roman smirked, “Are you saying I actually knew something out here that you didn’t?”
“I guess I concede,” Bailey knelt on the floor and bowed at Roman, “Teach me your ways, O Monarch of Agriculture!”
“Okay I get it!” Roman chuckled, “Just let me have this one win!”
Bailey began to get back up. “Fine,” he smirked. 
“We should split up, cover more ground.”
“But-” started Bailey.
“But what? Aren’t we safe here in the Glade?”
“I mean, probably. But I don’t want to risk it.”
“What if we stay within sight?” said Roman, “That way we can cover more ground while also keeping an eye on each other.”
“Fine,” said Bailey, “Honestly I just want to be near you.”
“Aww, you’re so sweet! Seriously, though, I want to find these roots and get back quick.”
Roman called from behind Bailey, “I think I’ve found some!” Bailey turned, noticing Roman pointing at a rock. They stepped behind it and knelt, vanishing out of Bailey’s sight.
“Hey!” called Bailey, running over.
Roman popped back up, “What?”
“No leaving each other’s sight, remember!”
Roman scoffed, “Fine. Get over here then!”
As Bailey rounded the rock, Roman pointed at a plant. It was taller than Bailey expected, nearly coming up to his chest - or Roman’s chin. 
“Alright so this is one,” said Roman, kneeling down to grab at the base, “We need the roots so I’ve got to dig it up. At least I was given a spade.”
Bailey smiled, “Is there anything I can do?” he asked. 
“Only start trying to find another one.”
“Y’know what?” said Bailey, “I think I’m fine watching you dig actually. I’ll do the next one, though.”
Roman finished digging the dirt around the spitebark and lifted it up. At the bottom of the stem was a large, muddy bulb.
“Here it is!” they said, “Our first spitebark root!”
“We did it!” 
“Just one more to go for me! How many do you need?”
“Ford wants fifty.”
Roman flinched, “Fifty? That’s insane! How much is he even paying you for that?”
“Twenty five garsons, he said they were worth a half each.”
“I don’t even think there’s fifty in the whole Glade! These things are so rare they go for at least twelve garsons each.”
“What! You’re kidding, right?”
“No! He must’ve figured that he could rip you off because you don’t know about them.”
Bailey was boiling inside. How dare he? How dare Ford undercut him like that? Bailey spoke, “When we get back, I am gonna get that b-”
“Hey, hey, hey! I know what you’re thinking.” Roman looked down to Bailey’s hand, Bailey followed their gaze. Since when had he gotten his cutlass out? “We can speak to Clara when you get back. He’ll respect her. Everyone respects her. And he sure doesn’t deserve your blade.”
“You’re right.” said Bailey, resheathing his sword. He turned to Roman, “Hey, maybe I’ll start working for Clara when we get back. We would see each other more.”
“I’d like that,” said Roman, smiling, “Alright! Back to the search.”
“At least now we know there won’t be any around here,” said Bailey, gesturing vaguely in a circle around where they both stood. 
“Now that we’ve found one, another shouldn’t be hard. They point away from the nearest other plant.” There was a small flower bud at the top of the bark, it pointed out slightly. Bailey had thought nothing special of it until just then, 
“If I remember correctly,” continued Roman, “it was pointing that way before I dug it up,” they pointed right, “So we need to go that way,” Roman pointed left, then turned to Bailey, ”Sorry if I’m boring you by the way, I’m sure you knew all this.”
“Actually I didn’t. It seems like Ford wasn’t as useful as he seemed.”
Roman laughed, “It’s so weird. It’s like he just wanted you to get lost out here.” before turning to walk to the next spitebark.
That phrase echoed in Bailey’s mind. He just wanted you to get lost out here.
Roman turned back, realising that Bailey hadn’t moved yet. Then they realised, “You don’t think...?”
“Actually, Roman,” said Bailey, “I do think. I think he set me up! He sent me here knowing how dangerous it can be and would have had me sit here for hours hunting for something I’ll never find. Until what? Until I get found by eaveners? Until I’m overcome with the emotions of returning and just off myself right in the middle of the Glade? Until I go crazy and start seeing the ghosts of my dead friends?-”
There was a rustling from behind Roman, Bailey looked past them. Something was in the bushes.
Roman saw Bailey’s face drop.
“What is it?” they asked.
Bailey raised a shuddering hand, and pointed over Roman’s shoulder, they turned. 
Before Roman stood three humanoid figures, their skin was an ashen grey and their eyes were orbs of pale green light. The first was a tall, muscular figure who wore heavy armour and wielded a long spear. Beside him stood a shorter woman with a flowing robe, her hands were held out and magical fire was sputtering in them. Behind the two figures loomed a huge, bare chested man, his battleaxe’s head looked bigger than Roman’s entire torso. Each of the figures' clothing matched the grey of their skin. Roman also noticed green tentacles of energy wavered from the backs of their necks and into the bushes behind.
Bailey spoke first, “It’s them.”
The largest of the three let out a roaring battle cry as he and the other man ran towards Roman, the woman dodged to the side, the flames in her hands growing in intensity.
“Run!” called Bailey, but Roman couldn’t. They stood petrified as this colossus of a man stomped towards them, shuddering the ground with each step.
Bailey called again, “Roman!” But it was useless. The colossus brought his axe up, preparing to swing and-
Roman was tackled to the ground. The axe cleaved through the air, missing Roman’s head by inches. Roman looked around, Bailey lay next to them, his arms wrapped around Roman’s torso. His eyes were wide with terror, which slowly lowered to relief as they locked with Roman’s. 
Bailey sighed, but before he could say anything the other fighter charged towards them. He raised his spear and prepared to strike, but Bailey whipped out his cutlass and knocked the spear aside, spiking it into the dirt.
Roman scampered to their feet, noticing the colossus had lodged his axe into the ground and was struggling to pull it out. Bailey dueled with the spearman, deftly dodging his lunges and parrying those he couldn’t duck out of the way of. The woman’s fire had grown to an immense size, she was now holding a single flame between both her hands and was preparing to throw it towards Bailey.
It was Roman who called to Bailey this time, “Bailey! Over there!” Bailey looked up to Roman and then followed their pointing arm. He saw the huge fireball just as it was leaving the caster’s hands. He jumped away from the spearman and behind a nearby rock. The spearman stood still and emotionless as the fireball engulfed him. Roman covered their face with their hands as the heavy heat stampeded over them. They cried out as it lightly burnt their forearms.
Once the blast cleared, Roman lowered their arms. The grey figure still stood within the rubble. Roman looked over to Bailey, he was peeking over the stone and staring at the spearman in awe.
There must be something with that green magic, thought Roman. Looking once again at the tendril that went from the spearman’s neck. It still led towards those bushes. Roman ran to the rock that Bailey was still crouched behind, it seemed like the fireball had disoriented the spearman, he didn’t know where either of them had gone. 
Roman whispered, “Bailey!”
He turned, “What are you still doing here?” he said, exacerbatedly, “You need to get out! Run!”
“I can’t leave you here alone,” said Roman, “Anyway, I think I know what we need to do. We need to follow the magic that’s coming from them, maybe we can find a way to… I don’t know, turn it off?”
“Do you know how to turn magic off?”
“Not with magic, no. But we could kill it.”
Bailey shrugged, “Well it’s better than trying to kill them, did you see what that fireball did to Fabian?”
Fabian, that must be the spearman. 
“Alright, let’s g-”
A deafening roar sounded from behind them. Roman turned. The colossus stood before them, holding his axe high over his head. He brought it down. Roman and Bailey jumped in opposite directions, the axe cleaving right where Bailey was just standing. 
Bailey looked at Roman, they pointed towards the bush that the tendrils were wavering to. The two ran toward it, leaving the colossus to heave it’s axe from the ground once more. 
As they reached the bush, another fireball cracked overhead. It collided with the trees, sending them careening away. The stumps that remained began to burn, before the flames tapered themselves out magically. 
“Now what?” asked Bailey.
“I don’t know.” said Roman, “Just stab into it?”
Cutlass drawn, Bailey tiptoed up to the bush. He raised his arm to strike when something big and dark brown burst from the bush and tackled him to the ground. It was an eavener! It sat on top of Bailey, the three green tendrils leading straight into its head. The eavener raised one of its flint daggers to strike.
“No!” called Roman, running at the eavener. They tackled it off of Bailey. The eavener squirmed in Roman’s grip, slashing at their forearms with the stone blades. Roman screamed as the blades tore up their arm, like a pack of wolves tearing up fresh prey.
Then, all of a sudden, the flailing stopped. 
Roman looked up at the eavener, a sword was lodged into its chest, Bailey’s sword! Roman followed the curve of the blade and saw Bailey at the other end. He looked deeply troubled. Roman leapt up and spread his arms towards Bailey, then flinched as the movement caused a searing pain to travel up his forearms. Roman looked innocently up at him, he had already dipped back into that caring focus he had shown at Roman’s lack of water.
“Where are those roll-things you had before?” he said, quickly.
Roman slowly moved their arm to point at the pouch, careful not to bring back the stinging pain. Bailey deftly untied it from Roman’s side and opened it, pulling out one of the ji-ais. Roman opened their mouth as Bailey gently placed it onto their tongue. They bit down on it, easily piercing the wrapping to reach the chocolate inside. It sent a warm tingling through their whole body, which slowly focused and grew in their forearms. Roman looked down at their arms, watching as the flesh around the hundreds of cuts regrew and merged with what had survived the attack. The swelling, bloodied meat looked significantly more disgusting than it felt, the magic of the ji-ais actually making the feeling quite euphoric for Roman. Once the healing had completed and the warmth died down, Roman shook their arms out, returning some of the feeling they had lost in them.  
Roman suddenly realised “What about the others?”
Bailey took a sharp breath, “Oh no.”
Roman was fully expecting the colossus to burst through at that moment. But nothing happened. Now that they thought about it, they couldn’t hear the charging of magic fire either, or any noise that might have been coming from their adversaries for that matter. All they could hear was the faint tweeting of birds some distance away.
Roman turned around, looking back out over the Glade. The three figures all stood wavering across the field, standing in place like figures on a warmap. They looked to be in some sort of trance. Bailey ran over to the spellcaster, who was the nearest. 
“Merida!” he said, holding her face in his hands, “Please! Wake up! Please!”
Merida’s grey skin became flaky in Bailey’s hand. He pulled away, but the ash stuck to him. He looked at it in disbelief.
“No! This isn't- It can’t- Merida!”
Bailey tried to embrace the caster, but his hands wafted through her, scattering the ashes into the wind. Once again he looked in shock. Roman turned to watch the others. The colossus was the most intact, likely due to his size. Then a strong breeze caught his head, dispersing it just like Merida. The wind snickered as it passed through the trees.
Some horrid joke, thought Roman. 
Roman walked up beside Bailey and stood with him, the two just watched as the spearman Fabian’s legs gave out. He collapsed onto the floor, the ashes spurting out in a circle around where he fell. The unnamed colossus also fell, knocked over by the wind. His final flourish was significantly larger than Fabian’s. 
Roman wrapped an arm around Bailey, “I’m sorry.”
Bailey just stood, his eyes wide and unfocused. Roman thought they heard him mutter something. “Thank you,” perhaps. 
“We need to get out of here.” continued Roman, pulling Bailey out of his trance slightly, “There might be more eaveners on the way.”
“Yeah,” Bailey muttered, but he wasn’t walking out of the Glade. Instead he stumbled over to the pile of ash that had been Fabian. “Let me just-” with a grunt, Bailey bent over and grabbed the spear. “I need to keep these. Preserve them.” He walked over to the colossus next and heaved the axe over his shoulder. The thing dwarfed him. Roman wasn’t sure how Bailey could even carry it.
Now that Roman understood what was happening, they walked over to Merida’s ash pile. A book lay buried in it (or in her, Roman thought, grimly), Roman hadn’t seen it during the fight. They dusted the ash from its cover, revealing an old leather-bound tome. It must be her spellbook, they thought.  
Roman turned as Bailey reached them, they showed him the book. Bailey nodded weakly. 
Roman noticed that Bailey was struggling with the massive axe, “I can take the spear if you want me to,” they said.
Bailey handed them the spear, “Be careful with it,” he warned. 
“Don’t worry, I will. I can tell what these mean to you.”
“Thank you,” Bailey turned slowly towards the forest again, “We should get going. If you want to get out of the Forest of Fables fast, you need to will it to happen. Think of New Elmus, think of people there who you want to get back to. Think of happy memories, that’s what the forest likes.”
As the two began to walk arm in arm, Roman pictured their sister, her shining, blonde hair and deep brown eyes, the smile that she gave them every time they came to visit her and their parents. They hoped she would never have to see something like what happened today. 
Then they thought of Clara. They’d only gotten the one spitebark for her, but after hearing what they’d gone through, they were sure Clara would be relieved that they had made it back at all. The experimentation will have to wait.
Lastly, they thought of Bailey. Not of present Bailey - he was right beside them - but of Bailey in the future. Maybe they could find a big house in the city and live together. Maybe Roman could continue their learning under Clara and eventually be able to cook for him every day.
Roman’s visions were cut short by a clap on the back, Bailey spoke, still solemnly, but with a cockiness that reminded Roman of their initial meeting, “Nice dreaming, champ.”
Roman opened their eyes. They were already at the edge of the Forest. “Wow,” they said, “That was fast.”
Bailey smirked, “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah it was.” He looked down at Roman, “Now, let’s get me to Clara’s.”
Knock knock. Knock knock. 
The door swung open, letting the familiar scents of the cafe float up into Roman’s nose. Before Roman and Bailey stood Clara. The small woman looked up at them, smiling.
“Ah, dearie! You’re back! And I see you’ve brought a friend,” she looked quizzically up at Bailey.
“Yes ma’am,” said Roman, “This is Bailey, he helped me out while I was in the Glade.” 
The two shared a glance and smiled, their arms were still wrapped tightly around each other.
Bailey turned to Clara and spoke, “I was wondering if you could help me out with something in return.”
---
ty @daydreamoceans for being my test audience <3
check out my other stuff tagged #gourmancy here
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letterfromtrenwith · 6 years
Text
Grand Jeté - Ch. 7 & 8
When George Warleggan quits a high powered job in the City to take care of the finances of the South West Ballet, run by his friend, Francis Poldark, it changes his life - even more so than he expected.
Elizabeth Chynoweth came to the South West to come back home, take on new challenges, and leave behind a less than perfect time in her life. She intends to focus on her art, but everyone knows what they say about best laid plans…
Ch 1 & 2 Ch 3 & 4 Ch 5 & 6
~
Chapter 7
“Did you read the email from the Box Office? Another Christmas matinee sold out!” Rosina peeped over the top of her computer, an excited grin on her face.
“I did. They’re doing really well.” George allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction. Although the Company’s Christmas show already had a few matinee performances, he had suggested adding an extra few especially aimed at children, with discounts offered for schools and other groups. There were other performances in the Hall over the season, concerts and a pantomime and suchlike, but there had still been a few open daytime spots. The Hall management hadn’t needed any convincing – more bums on seats meant more money for them, too.
The excellent reception for Rodeo and Dracula had helped The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe sell tickets apace. Even the more obscure de Valois duo had sold well. According to Rosina, the current season had already seen a 10% increase in those becoming ‘friends’ of the company – those who paid an annual membership in return for reduced ticket prices and invitations to special performances.
George was under no illusions that this was all down to him – he hadn’t been here that long, for one thing – but he had been pleased to be able to identify some ways they could improve. Rosina had done a fantastic job with the social media – it wasn’t something George was especially interested in personally, but even the bank had employed a social media manager.
He’d only suggested the additional matinees because he’d known full well they would sell out – he’d checked the records and last year’s Christmas show had been oversubscribed. The show had originally been budgeted to cover costs, so extra performances would generate more revenue to be put back into future productions. Demands for tickets to the Company’s shows had actually been rising steadily for quite a while, which was all down to Francis’ hard work. The Company’s talents spoke for themselves, all that was really needed was some more organised management.
“So is the Minack Theatre finalised?”
“Yes, the Company is officially booked in for two weekends in June – eight performances, including matinees . Francis, Anne and Ellen are going down there for a visit at some point soon so they can start thinking about staging – and then I can start budgeting!”
“How’s that going for the rest of the season?” It was very early days but if there was one thing George had been able to transfer to this job from his last it was the importance of planning ahead. Marie Antoinette and Midsummer Night’s Dream were likely to be quite expensive, requiring more elaborate staging and costumes, going by the paperwork he had pulled from previous, similar productions. He was still getting used to all the details, but he was starting to feel a little more confident in his knowledge. Working in investments, he’d had to read up on quite an array of things over the years. Ballet at least had the advantage of being a lot more interesting than most of them.
“We’ve made a good start.”
“Good…When do you think we’ll be able to start advertising?”
“Not until early next year, I imagine, but that’s up to the creative team and the Hall management, really. Next time Francis comes in ask him to make sure you’re CC’d in on everything and then you can deal with the Box Office re the social media when the time comes.”
“Can I just say…” Rosina chewed her lip, thoughtfully. “Can I just say thank you for giving me this job to do. It’s really – I’m really enjoying it.”  
“You’re really good at it, as well.” Rosina picked up her handbag and rummaged in it to hide her blush.
“Well, I’m going to take my lunch, do you want anything from the sandwich shop?”
“No, I’m, er, I actually have plans….” He tried to say it as casually as possible, pretending to be very interested in reconciling the Company bank account.
“Oh, meeting Elizabeth?” Rosina grinned as she headed out the door. “Have fun!”
With a sigh, George shook his head. He and Elizabeth had tried to be discreet about seeing each other, but it had been completely hopeless in a ballet company full of perpetual gossips. It was only a couple of weeks since that first date, but they’d met up a few more times since, including that Sunday lunch the following day. Elizabeth had taken him to a fantastic pub where he’d eaten some of the most delicious roast beef he’d ever had in his life. Since they’d both been busy, and Dracula had been in full swing, they’d been limited to a couple of coffees and one late supper after a performance. He’d driven her home afterwards, and for a moment as she’d glanced back at her door, he’d wondered if she was going to invite him in. She hadn’t, but in light of the way she’d kissed him before she got out of the car, he hadn’t been at all disappointed. He glanced at the clock – 12:35. The dancers would be breaking for lunch soon. As if on cue, his phone buzzed. 
~
“So, Francis told the company about your Minack idea.” Elizabeth smiled, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. They were in the Hall café; it was busy today, filled with mothers with pushchairs, artists based at the Hall, and a few schoolchildren enjoying their half-term holidays.
“He mentioned me specifically?”
“Of course! It was your idea, after all. Besides, he doesn’t want to take the blame if we all get rained on!” She laughed, a lock of hair failing out of her bun over her face. Without thinking, he reached across the table and gently pushed it back behind her ear. She glanced down, biting her lip and then smiled. George couldn’t help but smile back – she really was incredibly beautiful, glowing with her morning’s exercise. “Seriously, though, it is a wonderful idea. I’m really looking forward to performing there. When I was with the English National, we performed outside at Somerset House; it was really lovely.”
“And did it rain?”
“Yes it did, as it happens. It was quite fun!”
“What was the ballet?”
“Macbeth, so it really worked, actually!” They both laughed. Abruptly, Elizabeth frowned a little. “Listen, George…”
“Hello!” Morwenna dropped herself into the chair between them, trying and failing to steal a crisp from Elizabeth’s plate. “Having a nice lunch?”
“We were…” Elizabeth gave Morwenna a look, which her cousin gleefully ignored, glancing between the two of them with a smile. “By which I mean…shove off.”
“Rude.” But with another grin, she picked up her bag and disappeared off towards the company’s wing. Elizabeth watched her go and then shook her head with a smile.
“Honestly! I blame Caroline, she’s a terrible influence.”
“I’m sure Caroline would be happy to agree with that assessment.” He paused. “Were you going to say something, before?”
“Yes. You know Dracula closes this week, and then we’ve got a few days before the final prep for de Valois. So…I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner on Saturday.” George frowned. Elizabeth looked oddly nervous about asking him this, but he couldn’t imagine why.
“Of course I would.”
“At mine.” She added, softly. Ah.
“Well, then, I definitely would.”
Chapter 8
Elizabeth couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so nervous before a date….Well, maybe before her first date with George. Of course, that had been her first date in ages, despite Caroline’s best efforts. Her previous relationship hadn’t exactly left her with a great desire to get back in the dating pool with any haste. Until now, that is.
She hadn’t cooked for anyone in she couldn’t remember how long. Well, unless she counted making cheese toasties for herself and Morwenna when they had a movie night. When the other girls came around, they usually ordered in. Anything she made for herself was usually very quick and simple.
So, she’d spent most of Thursday (after waking up late following the Dracula closing night party) Googling recipes, and then a good hour or so on Friday dithering in Waitrose. In desperation, she’d bought the ingredients for a few possibilities and texted Caroline for advice.
Chicken and mushroom tagliatelle, paella or fish pie?
I think you’re probably fine with anything that doesn’t have garlic.
More importantly, what are you wearing?
I haven’t decided yet, probably just a skirt and top.
Yes, but what about under that? :P
Elizabeth sighed in exasperation.
You are no help whatsoever!
Finally, she’d decided on the pasta, and went back on Saturday morning to buy a lemon mousse to go with it. Annoyingly, Caroline was a tiny bit right – she had also gone out and bought some new lingerie. Maybe it was being just a bit presumptive, but she hadn’t missed the look in George’s eye when she’d emphasised that she wanted them to have dinner at hers; and she certainly hadn’t misinterpreted his reaction when, at the Dracula party, she had led him away into a quiet corridor and kissed him. The way he’d pressed her against the wall, his hand sliding up her side… Remembering it made her shiver.
She managed to push away her nerves while preparing the ingredients, focusing on chopping and measuring. However, when she was standing in front of her open wardrobe – having left her pasta sauce gently simmering on the hob – the nerves came back in full. Along with throwing dinner parties, dressing up was something else Elizabeth didn’t do very often. When she was working, she lived in leggings and dancewear; the rest of the time she preferred jeans and comfy jumpers. Her few party dresses weren’t really the right thing for tonight, she felt. Just as her sauce was getting close to setting-on she impulsively grabbed a soft, cap-sleeved, blush pink top which left a couple of inches of bare skin above the waistband of her skirt. The colour suited her, and the outfit flattered her figure. If only she’d picked it out half an hour earlier…
She was just boiling the water for the pasta when the buzzer went. 7:30, exactly the time they’d agreed. Elizabeth really didn’t know what it said about her that George’s excellent time-keeping was one of the things she found very attractive about him. When she opened the door, he was holding a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers; he started to hand them to her, but stopped, his eyes widening slightly.
“Wow, Elizabeth, you look…amazing.” 
~
The dinner turned out very well, if she did say so herself. George complimented her on the food, and even asked for seconds, the hint of a cheeky smile on his face. They lingered over the dessert and the wine; the conversation flowed as easily as it had on all of their other dates, but there was an invisible undercurrent, a note of tension…of anticipation. Both of them knew where this night was heading, what Elizabeth’s intention had been in inviting him here, but it was almost as if they drawing it out somehow. Elizabeth was, in a way, certainly not because she was having second thoughts. It had been a while since…well, and she didn’t want to rush into anything.
It would certainly be easy to. George looked very handsome in his dark red perfectly tailored shirt, more so as the wine and the late hour relaxed her. The way he’d looked at her when he’d arrived had made her draw a breath, but it was nothing compared to how his intent gaze was making her feel now.
“Coffee?” She asked, aware of a slight hitch in her voice. George coughed slightly, glancing down, a hint of a blush colouring his cheeks. That did not help her at all.
“That would be nice. Thank you.”
“Why don’t you – er – why don’t you take a seat on the sofa?”
“Oh, okay.” She heard his footsteps on the carpet as she busied herself with the coffee machine. “Oh, I like this!”
“What? – “ She glanced back to see him looking at her picture collage. With a smile, she went back to pouring. “Oh that…I made a little collection of photos when I was at RBS, for homesickness you know, and it’s just kept growing over the years.”
“It’s nice. Really nice.” There was a touch of wistfulness in his voice which made her wonder. She carried over their coffees, setting them gently on the table before kicking off her shoes and sitting down, tucking her feet under her. George smiled at her, almost shyly. He picked up his coffee, letting it cool for a moment and then taking a sip. There was a short silence and Elizabeth couldn’t help a little laugh bubbling out of her, making George look at her in surprise.
“I’m sorry, I – just – I feel like I’m out of practice at this sort of thing. It’s – “ she bit her lip. “It’s been a while.”
“If you want me to go – “
“No! No, I definitely don’t want that.” She shifted closer on the sofa, meeting his gaze. His eyes were so blue. “Completely the opposite in fact.”
“Oh.” Gently, he rested his hand on her knee. The effect of that light touch through the material of her skirt was incredible, and she let out a shaky breath. She covered his hand with hers, stroking the back of it gently before intertwining their fingers. Their eyes met again, and she leant forward slowly, George coming to meet her. It was almost as if it was their first kiss, it was so electric, and she sighed into it. He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, even that slight caress making her shiver. The way she was sitting, she couldn’t get close enough to him and she hummed in frustration. Eventually, they had to pull back to breathe, but neither of them went far. When George spoke, his voice was barely above a murmur. “It’s been a while for me, too.”
Without replying, Elizabeth stood, George never taking his eyes off her as she did. Wordlessly, she held out her hand; he took it, rising to his feet and let her lead him towards the bedroom. There was no more hesitation now; she turned towards him at the foot of the bed, sliding her arms around his neck as she pulled him close for another kiss, relishing the press of their bodies together at last. He rested one hand on her hip, slowing stroking upwards to brush the bare skin above her waistband; his fingertips caressed the small of her back and she moaned. God, if just that touch could have this effect on her she could only imagine what more would be like….
It took quite surprising amount of effort to slide her hands down his chest and undo the buttons of his shirt. He sighed softly when she stroked the skin over his collarbone. Elizabeth pulled back slightly, and George reached up to brush her hair off her face.
“Yes?” He whispered. Elizabeth pressed a soft, sweet kiss to his lips.  
“Yes.”
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iamarosegarden · 6 years
Text
Social Media
yo! it’s day two of the countdown, i did a youtube au, even though i’m sure a lot of other people did. i felt like it, also i couldn’t really think of anything else. so, here it is.
ao3
PLAY
The screen filled with black, than a snowball rolled across the screen, spelling out “SimonSn☃️w”.
Then the screen was filled by a boy, with curly (curly) bronze hair and blue (blue) eyes (Aleister Crowley, he’s hot). Wearing a pale green sweater, the sleeves pushed up to his forearms, and jeans. He was standing behind a kitchen island, with his hands on his hips, looking off-screen.
“Penny, I am not making german chocolate cake again. The video’s not even a year old!” the boy (presumably Simon) says, taking a hand off his hip to drag it through his hair. Only, it gets caught partway through and he has to untangle his fingers.
“But Simoooon,” says a girl’s voice off screen (probably Penny), “I really want some,”
“Nope.” Simon says, glancing at the camera, “we don’t have the ingredients anyway”.
“I’m about to go to the store, I’ll get them!” Penny said, appearing on screen, an indian girl with deep indigo hair (a lot of indigo hair, wow) and a pair of cat-eyed glasses. She ducks behind Simon grabs a pair of keys off a bowel on the counter.
“I- Penny! I’m not making it!” yells Simon after Penny as she disappears off screen again, shaking his head as he hears the door slam shut (Baz can’t help but snicker at the look of fond exasperation on Simon’s face). He sighed before turning to the camera, “In case any of you are wondering, she has the ingredients list memorized.”
-
It cuts to Penny appearing on screen, with Simon facing her, leaning against the counter.  She has at least ten bags looped over her arms quickly rushed to the island to set them down. “Sooooo,” she began, looking up at Simon hopefully, “these are all the ingredients you need.”
“Fine, but you have to help with this and the scones, and I’m posting this on my side channel,” Simon said, and started pulling ingredients out of the bags. Penny beamed at him and then turned to the camera.
“I knew he’d cave,”
“Shut up Penny,”
“Looooove you,”
-
It cuts to Simon standing facing the camera again, with Penny next to him. His shoulder are slumped in defeat and Penny’s grinning like a madwoman. (Baz feels like Penny’s always grinning like a madwoman.)
“Hi guys! It’s Simon Snow, and today I’ve been wrestled into making another german chocolate cake by my friend and flatmate Penny, or as you guys might know her, PennyofyourThoughts. Thanks for watching, and I hope your desserts tastes great!”
-
It cuts to a fast montage of them measuring all the ingredients out, text popping up in the corner of the screen to tell you what the measurements were. (It seemed like Simon had just spliced together all the funniest moments, and while Baz didn’t want to admit it, he may have giggled a few times.)
Two cups all-purpose flour: Penelope emerging from the pantry with the bag of flour held over her head triumphantly, Simon laughing in the background.
One and a half cups granulated sugar: they’ve both somehow gotten flour on their faces, and a cup of it sits neatly on the island counter as Simon pours some sugar back into the bag, glaring at Penelope. “You know it only taste good if you follow the recipe, right? Because this much sugar would  have been disgusting.” Penny’s moan of frustration is cut off as the next clip plays.
Three/fourths cup of cocoa powder: Simon pulls something out of the shopping bag, then turns to Penny with a look of horror. “This- this is Nisquick Mix, Penny! This is… this won’t work.” Penny just stares at him. “You’ve seen me make this before, right? You watched the video? You have the recipe memorized?” Penny nodds. “THEN WHY DID YOU GET CHOCOLATE MILK MIX, PENELOPE?”
“There’s a difference?”
“I- Yes! There’s a difference.”
“Oh, I see,”
“You see,”
“I’ll be right back”
Simon just shakes his head at her as she leaves.
One teaspoon salt, One teaspoon baking powder, Two teaspoons baking soda: all three of these went into a small bowl, Simon hovering over Penny to make sure she used the right spoons.
One cup buttermilk: Simon pours the milk into the cup from high enough up that it splashes on the island counter, and then it cuts to him sadly wiping it up.
One half a cup vegetable oil: this time Penny pours it, and Simon watches intently from where he’s crouched behind the island his eyes level with the cup.
Two eggs: Simon cracked them both, one in each hand, and Penny gasped.
One cup hot coffee: Penny and Simon both downed a mug in silence while staring at the camera.
-
Then it cuts to Simon and Penny standing behind the island, staring gravely at the ingredients that were neatly laid out in bowls and cups. Then they looked at each other and started laughing.
“So, I don’t really want to go into detail with how you make it and stuff because, there’s already a video on that…”
“You could do a Q&A?” Penny suggests, already pulling her phone out of her pocket to tweet about it.
“Yeah okay that works,”
-
“Okay so, we tweeted out for questions, and I’m gonna finish making this cake while Penny reads them,” Simon shoves up his sleeves from where they’ve slipped down, and Penny nods from where she’s sitting on the counter behind him. “I mean, this is pretty easy to make anyway. Um, link to the recipe on my blog in the description,”
“@snowsiman asks ‘are you in a relationship?’” Penny reads off, wiping her head up to look up at Simon’s reaction.
Simon’s ears are going red, and he ducks down to focus on where he’s stirring the dry ingredients together. “Uh, no,”
Penny snickers at his answer “you’re blushing an awful lot there, Simon,” she says, which just makes him blush harder.
“Penny…” he groans, dropping the spoon to cover his cheeks with his hands. (god, he’s so cute.)
Penny shoves her hair out of her face before reading off the next the next one. “@SnowBaz asks, ‘will you ever do another blind baking video?’”
Before Penny has even fully finished talking Simon’s rushing to answer, “Noooooo! Never again,” (Baz had watched that video, it was hysterical) he turned around to glare at Penny, who just cackled and read off the next question.
“@DappleDesserts asks ‘how did you start baking?’”
Simon blew a curl off his face and shoved the bowl under the stand mixer before grabbing another one for the wet ingredients.
“Well, you know I’m an Orphantm.” Simon started (he flahsed the ™ on the screen as he said it, and even though Baz felt kind of sorry about it, he laughed), his eyes now pinned to the new bowl as he slowly stirred (slowly stirred). “One of the foster homes I got placed in never really had enough food for all the kids they had taken on so I stepped up. I was maybe 12? I just started with like microwave mac and cheese and then real pasta and then stuff like homemade pizza and stir fry and eventually the older kids would bring me ingredients with requests for stuff and the like.” he laughed a little at that. “I liked it cuz none of the other kids would bother me when I was measuring stuff out because they wanted it to taste good but then one of the new girls gave me three dollars and asked me if i could make her something sweet because she missed her mother’s angel cake and of fucking course I did because…” he trailed off and sniffed, staring at the bowl in silence for a few seconds before continuing, “uh anyway I made it and I already liked cooking, but the way it made me feel when she thanked me was just- it was something. And I’ve always loved food and that was where the dream started. I still kinda want to open a bakery but,” Simon shrugged “sometimes dreams only come halfway true and that's better than nothing”
Penny she was wiping her eyes. “Uh” She coughed into her arm, “@snowball4life asks ‘what’s your favorite dessert/pastry,’”
Simon laughed, (transforming back into the golden boy that he was) looking back at the camera, “This is waaay more serious than my tragic backstory. Penny already knows, but I just wanna clarify before I answer, just because this is my favorite pastry, that doesn’t mean it’s the only thing I ever eat, so don’t pull that shit where it’s the only thing you bring to conventions, I do not want another repeat of the Roast Beef Incident,” he poured the wet ingrediants into the dry and then turned on the mixer, “it’s Sour Cherry Scones,”
Penny started laughing again. “Oh my god, I’d almost forgotten about that,” she leaned toward the camera from her perch, “basically, someone asked him what his favorite food was during a livestream, and then at that year’s vidcon, all people brought were different variants of roast beef, and their versions of his desserts, of course. But mostly roast beef. And because Simon’s such a fuckin’ sap, he didn’t want to throw any of it away, so for the longest time our fridge and freezer were just, full of roast beef shit. It was great… but Simon couldn’t eat roast beef for like a year after that,” she snickers again (Baz along with her, he remembers that con, it was before he’d known anything about Simon Snow (ah, the blissful ignorance he’d had) and had been very confused about the smell) “Anyway, @🌈Mordelia🌈 asks ‘are you one of us gays?’” (goddamn it Baz was going to have a talk with his sister, because he knew that’s her handle)
Simon frowned for a second as he grabbed the coffee and started pouring it in the mix, “I don’t really like labels, but when pressed for one I usually say I’m bi. But yeah, I don’t like labels. But I mean, it’s fine if you like labels, for some people it helps them feel more secure and stuff. I’m totally chill with other people using them, just don’t force one on me, ya know?” (Baz mentally rejoiced at the confirmation that Simon liked both genders, and then had to remind himself that he’d never met Simon so it wasn’t like he really had a chance)
Simon ducked under the island as Penny read off the next question “@PrincessPriya, hey, shoutout to my sister, follow her on twitter, asks ‘Simon are you you afraid of the dark ? 😈’”
Simon popped up from behind the island and whirled around and pointed at Penny, who was grinning evilly, “Fuck you, Bunce,” he spun around and faced the camera, pointing at it, “and fuck you, Bunce,” he finished, setting three cake pans down on counter. “I am afraid of the dark, you can’t see in it,” he flicked off the mixer and flipped up the spatula to let the batter drip off, “Next question,”
“@pitchsviolin,” Penny pauses, “that’s another Grimm-Pitch watcher. There’s a weirdly big overlap between your subscribers. @pitchsviolin asks ‘will you and Grimm-Pitch ever do a collab?’”
(Baz didn’t know if he should be frustrated or grateful that his and Simon's followers seemed so determined to get a collab.)
Simon detached the spatula and quickly tossed it in the sink, going off screen for a second to do so. He started pouring out the batter as he answered, “Um, I don’t know… I mean, he doesn’t seem to like me that much? (Baz mentally smacked himself, he could see how Simon had gotten that impression. Back when he’d been in intense denial of his crush he may have answered a few questions about Simon a bit too aggressively) And what would we even do? I make baking videos and vlogs, and he does violin, dancing, and Q&As. But I don’t know, maybe at next vidcon or something he and I can meet up and talk about it,” (Baz paused the video for a couple seconds to let that sink in. He couldn’t decide if he loved or hated the idea.)
Simon turned around and stuck the pans in the oven. “I think that’s gonna be the end of this video. Making the icing is kinda loud, and I also don’t feel like doing fancy icing or decorations, which would be kinda boring to watch so, yeah. Also I think this is a good stopping point.”
Penny hopped of the counter and walked offscreen, Simon’s eyes following her as she moved behind the camera.
“Thanks for watching, don’t forget to do all the youtube things, and check out my other videos at the links on screen. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee,”
There was a fast zoom to his face on the ‘bye’ and then the screen changed to Simon’s endcard, a snowy mountain with links to his channels on either side, some generic music playing in the background.
End of Video
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tastesoftamriel · 7 years
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Whiterun, part 1 (a long tale by Talviel)
Middas, 4th of Frostfall, 4E 205. I was saddle sore from days on the road. Since leaving Riften, I had covered the three major cities up north: Windhelm, Winterhold, and Dawnstar. In between I’d encountered bandits, fellow travellers, all manner of beasts, as well as some unsavoury folk like necromancers and vampires. Yet in the three months since I left home, I didn’t feel as homesick as I thought I would. I had already travelled from one end of Skyrim to the other during the Dragon Crisis, and once I’d learned all I needed to learn, my heart was fully invested in discovering the rest of Tamriel that I’d only ever seen in maps and books. I downed a potion of stamina and continued to trudge south towards Whiterun, where my calling as Dovahkiin all began.
I reached the city of Whiterun early in the morning. One of the guards on patrol, who recognised me from the Battle for Whiterun, saluted me heartily and we spoke at length while I unloaded my horse, who I’d named Roach, and left her in the care of the stables. Sounding almost alarmed at my change in career since the defeat of Alduin, he wished me luck and pointed me to the Bannered Mare as they were apparently short-staffed since the Redguard woman, Saadia, who worked for them disappeared without a trace. I thanked him and I shouldered my satchel and sacks, labouring up the stairs towards the Plains District. The early risers greeted me warmly for having saved their city, but I waved them off modestly as I made my way through the market square and into the Bannered Mare. Ysolda, the new proprietor, had only just woken up and was occupied with lighting the pit fire in the middle of the room.
She turned to me, yawning, when the door swung open, and her face broke out into a wide grin. “Well look who it is, Talviel of Riften, the saviour of Whiterun and all of Skyrim. Welcome back, friend.” She said warmly, helping me lay down my heavy cargo. “Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Ysolda. What was I meant to do, leave everyone to roast in the flames of the Stormcloaks and dragons? How are you? How goes business?” I asked, giving her a hug. “Business as usual, same faces and same antics. The city has been rebuilt since the battle, so well done you’d never think anything would have happened. But you’re here early, Dragonborn. Do you need a room?” “Actually, Ysolda, a guard tipped me off that you’re short of staff again. I’m now travelling as a cook, and would love to help out for a while, learn some recipes from you if I can.” She looked relieved and brushed a stray hair from her face. “I swear I’m cursed! Every person I hire either gets sacked or runs off. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, and I’m at my wit’s end trying to find someone to help me out here. How long are you planning on being in town for?” “Well, that depends really. I’ve covered Eastmarch, The Pale, and Winterhold in three months. Haven’t really learned much aside from at Candlehearth Hall and preparing a feast for Jarl Brunwulf Free-Winter in Windhelm. So depending on how much there is to learn, I’d say about a month or so.”
Ysolda smiled knowingly. “There’ll be plenty to keep you occupied. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve, as well as a big recipe book Hulda left for me. I also have contacts in old Balgruuf’s kitchen, so let’s just say you’ll be overstaying that month. Of course you get Saadia’s old room and three square meals a day, no questions asked, as well as 350 septims per month. Two days off a week, alternating with me. How does that sound?” “Sounds great, Ysolda. I’m in.” I said, and we hauled my things through the kitchen and up the stairs to a modest but clean room. Ysolda left me to unpack and freshen up, and when I was ready I came downstairs. “Right, it’s now almost nine. Markets should be busy by now. First order of every day is to make sure we get all the freshest ingredients.” She instructed me, and we made our way outside. Gawping faces and cheers surrounded me as I walked along, and I had to resist the urge to pull my hood up to hide my face. We purchased fresh fruit and vegetables from Carlotta Valentina,who was so happy to see me she insisted on gifting me with an enormous wheel of cheese. Staggering to the stall opposite, Anoriath the hunter let out a loud whoop of laughter when he saw me, partially hidden from view by the cheese. “What in Oblivion are you doing here, Dragonborn?” “Working for Ysolda here, actually.” His jaw dropped. “Doing what, shouting rude customers across the room?” Ysolda giggled. “Actually, that would keep those Battle-Borns and Gray-Manes in line. Anyway Anoriath, I’ve got a recipe for venison stew that I want to try out. Will you have venison anytime soon?” “Certainly. I’ll be sure to bring some back for you the next time I go hunting.” “Make it quick, and there might be a bowl of hot stew in it for you.” She said with a wink, as he wrapped up a few slabs of beef and pork for her, throwing in a few rabbits as a hint of his admiration.
We brought our shopping back inside and I began to shelve or set out our wares. Ysolda prepared the bar and talked happily about the events of the four years I’d been gone, as well as telling me to keep an eye out for the Khajiit caravan who would soon be bringing in some barrels of fresh seafood, milk, and butter. I tied on my apron and stoked the cooking fire, checking the day’s menu before getting to work. At noon, the lunchtime crowd rolled in, and stared at me as if I’d sprouted an extra head as I took orders and brought out plates of steaming food while Ysolda ran down to Pelagia Farm to buy some grain and flour. I spent the entire afternoon awkwardly explaining the reasons for my visit about 500 times before Amren noticed the exasperation on my face and offered to run up to the Cloud District so that the Jarl and everyone else could know of my arrival. I thanked him profusely, adding an extra dollop of mashed potatoes to his steak. Nonetheless, citizens who had heard of my arrival came in to greet me and hand me gifts of appreciation, as I was busy trying to clear up and prepare for dinner. Ysolda came back with a huge basket of eggs, with Nimriel and Gloth in tow carrying large sacks of millet and wheat flour. She paid them for the goods and their help before they scurried off, casting furtive glances at me. I was in the middle of awkwardly smiling and nodding to Olava the Feeble when Ysolda clapped her hands for attention. “Alright people, show’s over. Yes, the Dragonborn is back and yes she’s now my head chef. She’ll be here for a while so you can all stop your lollygagging and head home unless you’re here for food, drink, or a bed.” About two-thirds of the crowd shuffled out, mumbling embarrassed apologies.
Just when the parade was over, a messenger from Dragonsreach burst into the tavern, looking for me. He explained apologetically that Jarl Balgruuf the Greater had summoned me, so I sighed and tossed my apron aside. Looking sympathetic, Ysolda promised to take over for dinner. I thanked her, then climbed to the Cloud District. Jarl Balgruuf was leaning in his throne, talking to his steward Proventus Avenicci. The guards announced my arrival with great flair, and I cringed, making my way up to the Jarl. He thudded me on the back in greeting, asking me about my unexpected return. I explained to him (for hopefully the last time that week) why I was in Whiterun and his eyebrows raised in amusement when I mentioned I was working as a cook at the Bannered Mare. “A…cook? Well, I suppose you’re too young to join the Greybeards, if you could even grow a beard, that is.” He joked. “If you’re really interested in becoming a chef, come work in my kitchens for a while if you’re really ready to prove your mettle.” I thanked him, saying I would definitely take him up on the offer when I was ready, and was dismissed.
I made my way through the Wind District, passing Jorrvaskr, when I bumped into a slim auburn-haired woman with green warpaint on her face. I recognised her as Aela the Huntress, one of the most esteemed members of the Companions. I apologised, turning to go, but she gripped my arm with surprising strength. “You’re Talviel of Riften, aren’t you?” She asked in a deep, confident voice. “I am. Saviour of Skyrim, Dovahkiin, blah blah blah.” I said, sounding annoyed. She grinned and let me go. “One of those modest types, I see. Nice change after dealing with all the bravado in there.” She nodded towards Jorrvaskr. “Not going to ask you what brings you back to our humble town since you’re probably sick of it, but the Companions have been in awe of you since you trapped that dragon up in Dragonsreach and slayed Alduin. We never let strangers in, but come by sometime. I’m sure the family would love to meet you, maybe test out your battle skills in person.” “Sure, why not.” I shrugged, taken by her straightforward manner. “I’ll let you go then. Have a nice night.” She said, turning around to head inside Jorrvaskr, but not before I caught an eyeful of her toned legs and behind ascending the stairs in her very short excuse for armour. I blushed, and headed back to the Bannered Mare.
Ysolda looked frazzled as she ran between the bar pouring drinks and doling out bowls of hot cabbage soup with bread. She shoved me into the kitchen as soon as I stepped in the door, and I immediately picked up the slack, naturally working the way I did for Keerava. Soon she looked less stressed as she passed tankards of mead and bottles of wine across the counter, gratefully pocketing the coin. The night wore on, Mikael strummed his lute and sang, and I had to kick a few drunk brawlers out (something Ysolda was not good at doing due to her slight build). I threw out the leftovers and washed up, finally extinguishing the kitchen fire just after midnight. Ysolda shooed a couple of stragglers out, and we ceased trading for the night. “Are you sure you can’t stay forever? I sure could use you more often! Well done on an impressive first day’s work. We wake at 8am tomorrow and start again.” I nodded, and climbed the stairs to my room yawning. Loredas rolled around, my first day off work, and I gratefully slept in until 10. Waking up and having some bread and cheese for breakfast washed down with a potion of stamina, I stepped out into the bright Whiterun morning. I got my knives sharpened at Warmaiden’s, bought a few more stamina potions at Arcadia’s Cauldron, then looked around, at a loss for what to do with my day. I contemplated going hunting, but felt too lazy to take my bow and run around outside. Suddenly, I remembered Aela’s offer from the other night, so I ascended the steps to Jorrvaskr and opened a door hesitantly.
I was greeted by a mixture of loud cheering and heckling, and came face to face with a woman and a man throwing well-executed punches at each other while the rest of the Companions cheered. Unsure of what to do, I just stood in front of the door pretending to look indifferent until the woman landed a cracking blow under the man’s ribs and he crumpled to the ground. Coin was exchanged, glasses were raised, and the fighters wiped the blood off their faces, congratulating each other on a job well done. Aela spotted me from across the room and let out a loud whistle, bringing all activity to a standstill. All eyes turned to me and I smiled awkwardly, raising a hand in greeting. “Come here to try out?” A burly man in heavy steel armour called out. “Oh, no, um…Aela asked me to come over the other day. Practice fighting and stuff. I’m Talviel. Of Riften. The Dragonborn.” I stuttered, hating every second of public speaking. “Aah.” They all said knowingly, and dragged me down to the main room, which was dominated by a fire pit and a long table piled with food. I made a mental note to ask who their cook was.
Introductions were made, and I was greeted coolly by Vilkas, the new Harbinger since the death of Kodlak Whitemane: a Nord who was a dead ringer for the man who first spoke to me when I came in. He had dark brown hair and a greatsword strapped to his back, and wore even more kohl around his eyes than I did. “So, Dragonborn, eh?” He said, sizing me up and grunting when he saw my short, single handed Nightingale blade. “Don’t suppose you can teach us how to shout in a day?” I shook my head. “Either you train for years like Ulfric Stormcloak did, or you just happen to be the Dragonborn.” “Damn.” He sighed. “Well, either we have a nice cosy storytelling session, or we head to the practice yard and see if you’re as formidable a fighter as they say you are.” We all decided firmly on the latter and headed out the back door to their training yard.
We devised a system where lesser members would come at me in twos, while the seniors would attack me one by one with their weapons of choice. Ria and Torvar were the first to face me, and I adopted a battle stance, readying the blunt practice sword I’d been given. The two Companions were heavy handed, and I dodged them easily, taking Torvar down with a swipe behind the knee and Ria with a blow to her ribs. Njada Stonearm and Athis, the brawling pair from earlier, came at me with the same fervour, but dodged around me cautiously after seeing what I’d done with their friends. It turned out Njada was called Stonearm for a reason, and my blade was almost knocked out of my hand as hers smashed against it. Using the opportunity, Athis sprang up behind me, but my perception skills, honed by the Thieves Guild, sensed him coming. I quickly shoved Njada so she stumbled back and ran at her, planting my feet against her chest and backflipping over Athis. Shocked by what had just happened, Athis had little time to react as I threw myself at him, pinning him down, and stabbing my sword into the ground half an inch from his head. He tapped out, but not before Njada sprang towards me, blade pointed at my heart. Grunting, I leaned as far back as I could to avoid her reach, then flipped to my feet before rushing at her. As before, she tried the same tactic of disarming me, but this time I ducked before our blades could make contact, causing her to stumble. I shoved a boot into the small of her back, ramming my sword against the thick protective belt she wore. “Who’s next?” I yelled, panting.
“Come at me.” Farkas, the man in heavy armour said, drawing his greatsword. I sighed, as I hate dealing with heavy fighters. Scanning him quickly for weak spots, I noticed his upper arms were uncovered. Perfect. Lumbering towards me, he took a great swing at my head as I stepped easily out of the way. There was no sense in trying to push, kick, or knock him over- the man was like a brick. I simply hopped around him for a while as he continued to swing heavily, then made my move when his guard was down. I swiped, and the blunt sword in my hand bashed against his unprotected left arm. “Ow!” He shouted, and I hopped to the right, doing the same thing. I ran backwards and took a bow as Aela cackled. “Both your arms are off, Shield-Brother.” “That’s gonna leave a bruise.” Farkas grumbled, patting me on the shoulder as he went to the patio. “Good fight.” Just Vilkas and Aela left. Vilkas was much like his brother, only much more limber and with almost impenetrable armour. “I think by now I’ve killed one of every living thing in Skyrim. May be time for a trip to Morrowind.” He said, and charged towards me. I rolled to the side, taken aback by how he used a greatsword as if it were as light as a butter knife. Wearing him out took a lot longer than his brother, and I gave up on that tactic after a few minutes. Finally, as he made a downward swing, I skipped over his sword and caught his eye, feigning expression of combined pleading and beguiling that Sapphire made me master, which caught him off guard. I took the moment to slash forward, stopping just before his throat. “Bam, you’re dead.” I smiled, and he raised his hands in defeat, looking at me with increased respect.
Finally, Aela stepped forward, drawing her bow. “I notice you have no shield. You’re in trouble.” She winked at me as she walked to the far end of the practice yard. Without warning, she fired at me, and the arrow whizzed past my right ear. I sharpened my senses the way Niruin taught me how in the cisterns, and prepared myself. The arrows came almost unrelentingly at me, as I jumped, ducked, and weaved, making my way towards Aela. As I was almost within arm’s reach, she fired a last arrow at me and I deflected it with my blade without thinking. “How the-” She spat as she drew her knife, crouching. It turned out that she was just as nimble as I was, and a force to be reckoned with. We danced around each other, blades clashing, when she suddenly leapt up and threw me to the ground. We wrestled as her Shield-Brothers and Shield-Sister shouted words of encouragement to her. I wrapped her in a headlock and she struggled to break free. With my free hand, I jabbed her in the ribs with my sword. She rolled facedown on top of of me, groaning in defeat, then unexpectedly bit me on the lip, a knowing look in her eye. I didn’t know how to react, but felt something stir within me that I only ever felt when I touched myself in the dead of night thinking of Brynjolf. She pushed herself off, and pulled me to my feet, as if nothing had happened at all.
“Well, I don’t know how you did it, but you bested all of the Companions without a scratch on you. You sure you’re not going to join us?” Vilkas said, impressed, as we stepped onto the patio, still out of breath. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll be leaving Whiterun soon.” I smiled, pouring myself a tankard of water from the dining table that was set out. “That’s a shame, Dragonborn. We would be formidable with you as our Shield-Sister. But enough talk. A good fight makes one hungry, and I’m sure you’ll agree. Come, Tilma is sure to have brought out the apple pie by now. Best in Skyrim.” The rest of the Companions agreed, and we trudged inside, dirty and sweaty from our scuffle. We sat at the long table, eating hungrily and passing each other dishes. Finally, an old woman ascended the steps in a corner, carrying a large, fragrant apple pie that she set down and began to cut into slices. When my slice was placed in front of me, I almost smashed my face into it. As Vilkas had said, it was probably the best in Skyrim. “Hey Tilma? Would you be willing to share this recipe with me, by any chance?” I grinned, burping. “Well, that’s a closely guarded secret, dear, but bring me some cooking of your own and we’ll see if you’re worthy.” She smiled, clearing away the used plates and tankards. “Huh? The Dragonborn cooking?” Ria chuckled. Full and happy, I leaned back in my chair and told my tale, which evoked laughter from everyone. “The best fighter in Skyrim, working at the Bannered Mare as a cook. Tilma’s right, you’ll have to bring us something to prove your worth. Just not dragon stew.” Farkas laughed, coughing into his napkin. “I get Tirdas off. I’ll take you up on that.” I was hellbent on getting that apple pie recipe.
End of part one
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peacefulheartfarm · 5 years
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Cooking on the Hearth
This week’s topic brings back memories of days gone by and just might stir up the desire in you to cook over an open fire. Well perhaps not you. Maybe someone you know.
In any case, I thank you all for listening and hope you find this information useful. Thank you, thank you to all of you veteran homestead-loving regulars and welcome to all of you new listeners out there. Let me know what you’re interested in and I’ll see if I can come up with some compelling dialogue.
Today’s Show
Homestead Life Updates
Cooking on the Hearth
Mint Sauce (for Lamb Roast)
Homestead Life Updates
Cows
Our newest addition, Butter, had her calf. Butter is a purebred Jersey with certified A2A2 genetics. If you are not familiar with what that means, well that’s a podcast for another time. The health benefits of raw milk from cows with A2A2 genetics are substantial. We have four calves now—with 2 more still to come.
Sheep
Finally, the last ewe had her lambs. She has a lovely set of twins. That brings our total lambs this season to 9. All are alive and well. Only one issue. But Lambert is doing well on his bottle. Every morning and afternoon I go out and call “lambikins” and he comes running. As soon as he has finished his bottle, he turns around and trots back to his mom and 2 siblings.
Quail
The quail have hatched. We have 24 baby quail in a brooder right now. They peeped a lot when they first hatched, but now they are as quiet as church mice. I’ve spent lots of time just watching them run around pecking here and there. In three weeks’ time they will be fully feathered and ready to move to their quail condo. By 8 weeks, the hens will be laying eggs and I will start the process all over again until we have the number of birds we want for breeding stock. Our goal is to raise all of the eggs we eat. Eggs and coffee are the only items I currently buy from the grocery store. Soon to be only coffee.
Steers
We have 3 steers soon to be up for grabs. If you are interested in a ¼, ½ or whole steer, please get on the list quickly. The first one will go to processing in late June and will be available for pickup around mid-July. We are always limited in the amount of grass-fed beef that we have available. Again, please get on the list early.
Garden
The tomatoes are in the garden. It was a bigger job than I thought, but I persevered and got them all in the ground. The beans are up. I still need to plant the green beans. And just today we got the sweet potato slips. Once the beans and sweet potatoes go in, I will have planted that entire garden. Oops, I almost forgot. I need to plant the sunflowers between the tomatoes.
I’m amazed at how much I accomplished on my own with this garden. Sure, Scott did a lot of the heavy work with the mulch and initial fertilizer, but the rest was all me. I’ve never done that much on my own before. Diet and exercise is working wonders for me.
Creamery
Not much to report on the creamery this week. We’ve been tied up with other tasks and another week has slipped by with only a little progress. Life on the homestead is constantly filled with meaningful, fulfilling tasks. Scott really does have a lot on his plate right now. He’s doing a great job juggling all of his responsibilities. He is so awesome.
Cooking on the Hearth
In the Cooking Through the Ages FarmCast I finished up with a recipe for cooking cornbread on the hearth. There have been so many questions about hearthside cooking, I decided to do an episode on the techniques and knowledge that our great-great-great-great grandmothers used to cook meals for their families. When the United States was founded, all cooking was done over a fire. Most often it was done in the fireplace of the home.
Knowledge of fire-building was a part of everyday life. There were specific tools and implements that assisted in the cooking process. I’ll talk about those as well.
Today we see a fireplace is a charming optional feature for a home. In yesterday’s world a fireplace was absolutely essential to living and the virtual center of family life. It was the primary heat source, was a major source of light, and provided the means by which all food was prepared.
We have a wood stove and perhaps you do too. Once the match was invented, fire building became pretty easy. We merely crumble up some newspaper, lay on some wood, then strike the match. Before this modern convenience, coals had to be carefully banked at night to ensure a ready fire was easily built for the next day’s meals. A “cold fire” meant using flint and steel to strike sparks in extremely flammable tinder, skillful application of air and carefully feeding small twigs, then larger and larger sticks into the flame.
Fire Safety
Another convenience of today that we may take for granted is our screened fireplaces. Together with normal precautions, fire hazards from sparks and coals hitting the floor are reduced to nearly nothing. In the past, the fear of fire meant constant vigilance. A coal of fire accidentally falling on the floor causing a fire was not uncommon in the days of large fireplaces with steadily burning fires and no protective screening. In fact, hearth injuries were second only to childbearing as the leading cause of death in women.
Certain safeguards made the difference between a pleasurable, rewarding cooking and heating experience and possible tragedy.
Some things kept on hand included having a bucket of water nearby and a woolen blanket that could smother flames. Long skirts would be tucked up and out of the way when working at the fire. Women often checked the lower hem of their skirts for smoldering cloth if their dress was dragged across live coals. Have you noticed how women wore hats in the past. Their hair was covered and no bare feet were to be found near the fire.
Carefully thought out steps also guarded against accidents. The immediate area needed to be kept clear when moving hot coals. Heavy iron pots filled with simmering liquid or food were not easy to handle. Extreme care was taken in removing them from the crane or lifting them from the coals. Frying foods and roasting meats require care to avoid burns from splattering fat. Staying continually alert was the best protection against mishaps.
Building a Fire
Everyone has his or her own theory for “correct” fire building. Here is a relatively simple method that has worked quite well for us. Sometimes we have to start with a clean fireplace. However, old ashes provide insulation and helps to maintain heat. We usually crumple several sheets of newspaper on top of the existing ashes for kindling. In the 18th century scrapwood, bark or small and dry branches would be used in lieu of paper. Next, we lay the wood on the kindling in a grid pattern, starting with soft kindling wood such as pine. On top of the kindling, we lay a mixture of hardwood and softwood in slightly larger pieces. Next follows another layer of hardwood. At that point, we would simply use a lighter to make a flame on the end of a very small piece of pine kindling and light the newspaper at the rear of the fire. Starting the fire at the rear allows the fire to start warming the chimney. After the fire is well-established, we add large pieces of wood to keep the flames burning steadily. Hardwoods for this purpose include oak and hickory. Cedar has a tendency to “pop”, creating a possible fire hazard without the door on our stove or the fire screens I mentioned earlier. So no cedar in an open hearth. You can use fruit woods, such as apple and cherry, to provide a tantalizing aroma and impart a delicious flavor to roasting meats.
Cooking on the Hearth
The fire should be started well before actual cooking begins. You might think that Hearthside cooking is all done directly over a fire. Not true. Though flames are necessary for roasting and cooking on a crane (I’ll talk more about the tools next), the quantity of coals is more important. It will be at least two hours of preparatory fire burning before a large amount of coals is ready to be raked or shoveled into individual mounds on the hearth. Moving the coals around and piling them creates cooking areas something like the burners on your modern stove. Most hearth cooking—baking, frying, simmering—was done over glowing embers. The need for a steady supply of embers necessitates a continuously burning fire.
Equipping a Fireplace Hearth for Cooking
If this topic of Hearthside cooking is of interest to you as a hobby, there are tools are available still available for purchase. Artisans are producing ironwork, pottery, woodenware and tin-ware for reasonable prices. With a few basic implements, any fireplace can be made ready for cooking. The following are essential for open hearth food prep:
A swinging crane
Pot hangers—S-hooks, trammel, ratchets
Dutch ovens—a minimum of two
Long handled tools including spoons, ladle, meat fork, and spatula
Trivets
An iron pot
Poker, tongs, and shovel
The crane
The swinging crane, a hinged device bolted into the side of the fireplace, was a major development in kitchen furnishings. Prior to the crane, the lug pole was used. It was a fixed device suspended across the upper portion of the fireplace and fitted into the brick itself. To use the fixed lug pole you had to step on the hearth and leaning into the fireplace to suspend or remove those heavy iron pots filled with food or water. At best, this was dangerous. The swinging crane brought new flexibility and safety since it could be swung out and away from the fire for use.
Pots Hangers
Pots were suspended from the crane by a variety of hangers. The simplest is the S-hook, which can be linked together with others to raise or lower a pot over the flames and thus regulate the amount of heat for cooking. I use a version of this to raise and lower the height of the lights over my plant seedlings.
Other pot hangers included the trammel, basically a flat hanger with the hook and eye arrangement. The eye goes over the crane and there is a hook for the pot handle. The trammel is too long and cumbersome for modern fireplaces, but they were very important for the large fireplaces found in the days of colonial America.
Dutch Ovens
A Dutch oven is probably the single most important item for Hearthside cooking. It can be used to bake bread and desserts. You can use it to stew meats and vegetables or to brown foods. Standing on three short legs, the Dutch oven would be placed on a bed of coals and its contents would be covered with a tightfitting lid. Additional coals are then shoveled on top. Voila! An oven is created. The coals are replenished as needed. Generally, cooking times are equal to those given in modern recipes. With this most important piece of equipment, anything done in a modern oven can be duplicated on the hearth.
Long Handled Tools
A variety of long handled tools are needed for stirring, mixing, turning, basting, skimming, and labeling. Made of iron or wood, they include spatulas, meat forks, spoons, strainers, and ladles. You can find these today for use with outdoor grills.
Trivets
Trivets refers to a tripod used to elevate pots from the coals of an open fire. In fireplace cooking they were used to hold pots and kettles for cooking over the coals and for keeping already prepared foods warm.
Iron Pot
An iron pot, hung on the crane, is indispensable for soups, stews, and boiled puddings. Usually equipped with legs, the pot is also useful for simmering directly over the coals.
Tongs, Poker, Shovel
The same equipment used for our woodstove—tongs, poker, and shovel—are also needed and for the same purpose as times past. They are used to manipulate the wood and coals.
Additional Utensils
Hearthside tools could be supplemented with an endless array of additional utensils, especially those for roasting.
For roasting meats and fowl, a pair of andirons or firedogs, fitted with hooks to hold an iron spit, is one such accessory. Food to be cooked is skewered on the spit and then suspended between the firedogs. The simplest of these spits has a handle at one end. The meat is turned on the spit for even roasting.
A necessary adjunct to roasting is a dripping pan, generally made of iron. It is placed underneath the roasting meat to catch its juices. The juices are then used for basting and later used to make gravy.
A long handled frying pan is another helpful utensil for open hearth cooking. Set on a trivet or made with three legs to stand over the coals, the frying pan is helpful for frying or sautéing.
A griddle for baking over the fire is another useful kitchen utensil used to bake a variety of muffins, buns, and pancakes. Its handle is secured to the crane by a pot hanger. Also needed for baking are pie and cake tins and tart and biscuit pans.
We’ve come a long way baby. It’s still fun to use some of these traditional techniques. They are applicable on your camping trips or backyard firepits as well. 
A colonial meal would be composed of foods dictated by the season and the weather. In a future podcast I’ll talk about the traditional seasonal cuisine of Virginia.
Eliza Leslie’s Mint Sauce Recipe
We have lots of lamb. Cruise on over to our website www.peacefulheartFarm.com, and place in order. Then stop by the farm on Tuesday mornings between 10 and 12 or Saturday afternoons between three and five and pick it up. And to go with that lamb you might want to try making this wonderful mint sauce.
This is Eliza Leslie’s mint sauce recipe in its original form.
Take a large bunch of fine fresh green mint, that has been washed well. Strip the leaves from the stems, and mince them well. Put it into a pint bowl, and mix with it gradually some of the best cider vinegar. This sauce must not be the least liquid, but as thick as horseradish sauce or thicker. Make it very sweet, with the best brown sugar. Mix it well, and transfer to a small tureen, or a little deep dish with a teaspoon in it. Serve it up always with roast lamb, putting a teaspoonful on the rim of your plate.
A quart or more of mint sauce, made as above, but with a larger portion of sugar and vinegar, will keep very well for several weeks, in a jar well corked.
As I’ve said before, early recipes can really only be followed by the best of cooks. Here’s what the recipe looks like in our modern lingo.
Makes approximately 1 cup
1/2 cup cider vinegar
1 tablespoon brown sugar (or more to taste)
1/3 cup minced fresh mint leaves
Hearth:
Combine vinegar and brown sugar in small saucepan. Set on trivet over hot coals and heat until warm.
Remove from heat and add mint leaves. Stir well and set aside to cool.
Pour into sauce boat and serve as accompaniment to roast lamb.
Modern:
Follow hearth direction 1, heating vinegar and sugar over low heat.
Complete following hearth directions 2 and 3.
Final Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed this week’s traditional hearth cooking topic. The mint sauce recipe is available FREE for download at www.peacefulheartFarm.com/category/recipes/. You’ll find all of my other recipes there as well. And again, don’t forget to pop over to the online farm store to make your lamb purchase to go with that mint sauce.
Speaking of lambs, we have been extremely blessed this season with nine healthy lambs. It doesn’t always happen that way and we are grateful.
Remember to get on the list for purchasing ¼, ½ or whole beeves.
As we get ramped up for our herd share program, we will be busier than ever. But we’re never too busy to listen to your input. Stop by website and leave us your feedback. We’d loving your ideas. 
If you enjoyed this podcast, please hop over to Apple Podcasts and give me a 5-star rating and review. Also, please share it with any friends or family who might be interested in this type of content.
As always, I’m here to help you “taste the traditional touch.”
Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.
Recipe Link
Eliza Leslie’s Mint Sauce
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NEW!! Peaceful Heart FarmCast Episode. Enjoy!!
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jesseneufeld · 5 years
Text
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal)
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook is here! Well, almost here, but my team and I are excited to release it to the world—and especially to you, the readers of Mark’s Daily Apple. In fact, I decided to do a sneak peek today just so you’ll be the first to know.
When I published my New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet in October, 2017, keto was already hot among forward-thinking folks in the health, fitness, and longevity spheres, and it was catching on in the general population as well. Over the past year, its popularity has only continued to skyrocket. While I’ve personally enjoyed watching the tide of people rejecting carbohydrate dependency eating patterns and embracing a new scope of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating strategies, I also recognize the pitfalls within the potential….
On the one hand, the keto fervor has spurred people to question conventional nutrition advice, probably more than I’ve ever witnessed in my more-than-a-decade of conventional wisdom busting. That’s a good thing! On the other hand, as I’ve written before, the explosive growth has led to rampant hype, misinterpretation, and criticism. Even devoted keto enthusiasts have tweaked the foundational message to make keto a fat fest. A friend related to me recently how she’d attended a luncheon where one guest whipped out a stick of butter and set about applying pat after pat to her meal. You see, she was doing the keto diet!
I wrote The Keto Reset Diet as a countermeasure to the nutrient-poor, scientifically questionable, hacky versions of keto. I wanted to advance a version of keto that emphasizes the consumption of colorful, nutritious foods, including ample (but sensible) added fats when called for. I also wanted to put in a plug for fasting, eating in a compressed time window, and engaging in supportive behaviors like getting sufficient sleep and managing stress. In other words, the Primal interpretation and application of a ketogenic diet.
With this book project, I’d like to make another plug for enjoying the heck out of every single bite of food that you eat. This is pretty much my mission statement for my PRIMAL KITCHEN® product line—to enhance meals with healthy and deliciously flavored condiments—and it’s how I live my own life each day. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many keto enthusiasts resort to a somber, strict approach where bland meals are the norm to simplify counting and micromanaging macros. After all, if they keep their meals totally austere, they don’t have to stress about pesky carbs sneaking in and kicking them out of ketosis.
If you’ve read The Keto Reset Diet or taken the Keto Reset Online Mastery Course, you know that I don’t endorse any amount of struggling or suffering when eating a keto profile, just as I reject them in the context of a Primal diet. You probably also know that I refuse to eat anything that doesn’t bring me genuine pleasure. I want the same for you. That’s why I’m doing the work with you—helping you to eat colorful, flavorful, interesting food and stay within your ketogenic macros. This cookbook is part of that mission. Check out the video intro, and see what I mean.
youtube
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook contains 150 keto-friendly and totally Primal-approved recipes. My co-author, Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. and I have put together a collection that is sure to please every palate. (Yes, even your kids’—can you say Green Eggs and Ham?) We’re offering everything from quick-and-easy convenience foods (Handheld Chef Salad or Smoked Salmon Stacks) to recipes for nights when you feel like making something a little more special (Crab-stuffed Fish Pinwheels or Lamb Roast with Mint Chimichurri), and even some delectable desserts like the heavenly Dark Chocolate Pudding. Throwing a dinner party and want some keto-friendly fare that all your guests will love? We’ve got you covered! How about Bacon Party Mix, Roast Beef Bites with Horseradish Sauce, and Harissa Almond Dip?
In addition to the fabulous recipes, The Keto Reset Cookbook contains a plethora of educational content to explain the whats, whys, and hows of keto. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you give out copies of this cookbook as holiday gifts to your keto-curious friends and family. In addition to being inspired by the mouthwatering recipes, they’ll gain a good understanding of how to go keto the right way—laying the groundwork of ditching carb dependency and becoming somewhat fat-adapted before attempting a distinct keto phase, and steering clear of the flawed practices such as stuffing one’s face with fat in the name of making ketones.
The fact is, I recognize that a cookbook can be a less intimidating way to enter the keto scene. With The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook, not only will you get the basic guidelines you need to do it right, you’ll have an awesome collection of recipes to keep things lively and creative. Here are two of my favorites….
Crab Salad Remoulade
Ingredients:
1/2 cup avocado oil mayo
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (whole-grain recommended)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/2 teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 stalk celery with leaves, finely chopped
2 scallions, finely chopped
8 cups arugula
2 avocados, sliced
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Instructions:
In a bowl, combine the mayo, mustard, horseradish, Cajun seasoning, paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, and lemon juice. Add the crabmeat, celery, and scallions. Stir well to combine.
(Optional: Refrigerate the salad to chill.)
To serve, place 2 cups arugula on each salad plate. Arrange 1/2 sliced avocado on top. Scoop one-quarter of the salad mixture on top of the avocado. Serve with a lemon wedge.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 293; Carbohydrate: 10 grams; Fat: 26 grams; Protein: 9 grams
Kale Salad With Pumpkin Croutons
Ingredients:
½ cup Homemade Pumpkin Puree (page 245) or unsweetened canned
1 small bunch curly kale (green or red), ribs and leaves separated
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 small bunch Swiss chard, ribs and leaves separated
4 Tablespoons keto-friendly dressing of choice
¼ teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice Blend (page 254)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil
½ cup crumbled goat cheese
3 Tablespoons pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
½ cup raspberries or blackberries (optional)
Instructions:
If you are using homemade pumpkin puree, line a sieve with a clean kitchen towel and place it over a bowl. Scoop the pumpkin puree into the towel and set aside. You can skip this step if you are using canned pumpkin, or if your homemade pumpkin is not too watery.
Tear or cut the kale leaves into roughly bite-size pieces and place them in a large bowl. Add the olive oil, lemon juice, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Use your hands to knead (massage) the kale for about 2 minutes, until the volume has reduced by half.
Chop the Swiss chard leaves into small pieces and mix it into the kale. Pour in 2 tablespoons of the dressing and stir well. Set aside.
Place the pumpkin in a small bowl. Stir in the pumpkin pie spice and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. In a skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 2 minutes. When it is hot, carefully drop rounded teaspoons of the pumpkin mixture into the oil (watch for splatter) and press down to flatten slightly. Work in batches to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on the first side, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook 2 minutes on the second side. Remove the pumpkin “croutons” to a plate and repeat until you have used all the pumpkin mixture. Add more oil if the pan gets too dry.
Dice the chard and kale ribs. Add them to the skillet and stir-fry for about 4 minutes. Mix them into the salad.
Transfer the kale and chard mixture to a serving bowl. Crumble the goat cheese over the top, then sprinkle on the pumpkin seeds. Arrange the berries (if using) and the pumpkin “croutons” on top. Drizzle with the remaining 2 tablespoons dressing. Serve immediately.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 396; Carbohydrate: 13 grams; Fat: 33 grams; Protein: 14 grams
A Mark’s Daily Apple Deal—Enjoy 4 Bonus Items!
I know that members of our Primal community at Mark’s Daily Apple and in the Keto Reset Facebook Group have come to expect delicious recipes from the MDA and Primal Kitchen teams, and I’m confident this cookbook won’t disappoint. I’m so excited for you to see it, I’m offering a bonus deal you won’t want to miss!
Pre-order your copy of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook from your favorite retailer, and simply submit your receipt (on the The Keto Reset Cookbook webpage—under “Claim Your Bonus Items”) to receive access to these four gifts:
$10 Discount Code: You’ll receive a $10 discount off the Primal Kitchen line of keto-approved healthy salad dressings and mayonnaise at PrimalBlueprint.com (minimum order $20).
Recipe Video: Join co-author Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. in her kitchen as she whips up one of her favorite recipes: blistered shishito peppers with the world’s easiest dipping sauce. (Yes, the recipe is in the book.)
Recipe Sampler PDF: Enjoy a collection of the best finger food recipes from the library of Keto Reset books, with a couple new recipes included for good measure. Perfect for keto-friendly party platters, snacks, and lunch boxes!
Audiobook Excerpt: Listen and learn more from a sample of the audiobook of the New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet narrated by dynamic co-author Brad Kearns.
Folks, I’m thrilled to announce this cookbook here on Mark’s Daily Apple where the entire Primal journey began. Speaking of which…if you consider yourself Primal but haven’t felt moved to go keto, no matter. I think you’ll enjoy these recipes just as much as any keto diehard. Every recipe is 100% Primal and Grok-approved. (And on that note, look for more thoughts on the Primal-Keto connection in tomorrow’s feature.)
For now, thank you, everyone, for your support over the years and for being here today. I can’t wait to hear what you think of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook.
The post Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) published first on https://drugaddictionsrehab.tumblr.com/
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milenasanchezmk · 5 years
Text
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal)
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook is here! Well, almost here, but my team and I are excited to release it to the world—and especially to you, the readers of Mark’s Daily Apple. In fact, I decided to do a sneak peek today just so you’ll be the first to know.
When I published my New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet in October, 2017, keto was already hot among forward-thinking folks in the health, fitness, and longevity spheres, and it was catching on in the general population as well. Over the past year, its popularity has only continued to skyrocket. While I’ve personally enjoyed watching the tide of people rejecting carbohydrate dependency eating patterns and embracing a new scope of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating strategies, I also recognize the pitfalls within the potential….
On the one hand, the keto fervor has spurred people to question conventional nutrition advice, probably more than I’ve ever witnessed in my more-than-a-decade of conventional wisdom busting. That’s a good thing! On the other hand, as I’ve written before, the explosive growth has led to rampant hype, misinterpretation, and criticism. Even devoted keto enthusiasts have tweaked the foundational message to make keto a fat fest. A friend related to me recently how she’d attended a luncheon where one guest whipped out a stick of butter and set about applying pat after pat to her meal. You see, she was doing the keto diet!
I wrote The Keto Reset Diet as a countermeasure to the nutrient-poor, scientifically questionable, hacky versions of keto. I wanted to advance a version of keto that emphasizes the consumption of colorful, nutritious foods, including ample (but sensible) added fats when called for. I also wanted to put in a plug for fasting, eating in a compressed time window, and engaging in supportive behaviors like getting sufficient sleep and managing stress. In other words, the Primal interpretation and application of a ketogenic diet.
With this book project, I’d like to make another plug for enjoying the heck out of every single bite of food that you eat. This is pretty much my mission statement for my PRIMAL KITCHEN® product line—to enhance meals with healthy and deliciously flavored condiments—and it’s how I live my own life each day. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many keto enthusiasts resort to a somber, strict approach where bland meals are the norm to simplify counting and micromanaging macros. After all, if they keep their meals totally austere, they don’t have to stress about pesky carbs sneaking in and kicking them out of ketosis.
If you’ve read The Keto Reset Diet or taken the Keto Reset Online Mastery Course, you know that I don’t endorse any amount of struggling or suffering when eating a keto profile, just as I reject them in the context of a Primal diet. You probably also know that I refuse to eat anything that doesn’t bring me genuine pleasure. I want the same for you. That’s why I’m doing the work with you—helping you to eat colorful, flavorful, interesting food and stay within your ketogenic macros. This cookbook is part of that mission. Check out the video intro, and see what I mean.
youtube
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook contains 150 keto-friendly and totally Primal-approved recipes. My co-author, Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. and I have put together a collection that is sure to please every palate. (Yes, even your kids’—can you say Green Eggs and Ham?) We’re offering everything from quick-and-easy convenience foods (Handheld Chef Salad or Smoked Salmon Stacks) to recipes for nights when you feel like making something a little more special (Crab-stuffed Fish Pinwheels or Lamb Roast with Mint Chimichurri), and even some delectable desserts like the heavenly Dark Chocolate Pudding. Throwing a dinner party and want some keto-friendly fare that all your guests will love? We’ve got you covered! How about Bacon Party Mix, Roast Beef Bites with Horseradish Sauce, and Harissa Almond Dip?
In additional to the fabulous recipes, The Keto Reset Cookbook contains a plethora of educational content to explain the whats, whys, and hows of keto. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you give out copies of this cookbook as holiday gifts to your keto-curious friends and family. In addition to being inspired by the mouthwatering recipes, they’ll gain a good understanding of how to go keto the right way—laying the groundwork of ditching carb dependency and becoming somewhat fat-adapted before attempting a distinct keto phase, and steering clear of the flawed practices such as stuffing one’s face with fat in the name of making ketones.
The fact is, I recognize that a cookbook can be a less intimidating way to enter the keto scene. With The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook, not only will you get the basic guidelines you need to do it right, you’ll have an awesome collection of recipes to keep things lively and creative. Here are two of my favorites….
Crab Salad Remoulade
Ingredients:
1/2 cup avocado oil mayo
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (whole-grain recommended)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/2 teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 stalk celery with leaves, finely chopped
2 scallions, finely chopped
8 cups arugula
2 avocados, sliced
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Instructions:
In a bowl, combine the mayo, mustard, horseradish, Cajun seasoning, paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, and lemon juice. Add the crabmeat, celery, and scallions. Stir well to combine.
(Optional: Refrigerate the salad to chill.)
To serve, place 2 cups arugula on each salad plate. Arrange 1/2 sliced avocado on top. Scoop one-quarter of the salad mixture on top of the avocado. Serve with a lemon wedge.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 293; Carbohydrate: 10 grams; Fat: 26 grams; Protein: 9 grams
Kale Salad With Pumpkin Croutons
Ingredients:
½ cup Homemade Pumpkin Puree (page 245) or unsweetened canned
1 small bunch curly kale (green or red), ribs and leaves separated
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 small bunch Swiss chard, ribs and leaves separated
4 Tablespoons keto-friendly dressing of choice
¼ teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice Blend (page 254)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil
½ cup crumbled goat cheese
3 Tablespoons pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
½ cup raspberries or blackberries (optional)
Instructions:
If you are using homemade pumpkin puree, line a sieve with a clean kitchen towel and place it over a bowl. Scoop the pumpkin puree into the towel and set aside. You can skip this step if you are using canned pumpkin, or if your homemade pumpkin is not too watery.
Tear or cut the kale leaves into roughly bite-size pieces and place them in a large bowl. Add the olive oil, lemon juice, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Use your hands to knead (massage) the kale for about 2 minutes, until the volume has reduced by half.
Chop the Swiss chard leaves into small pieces and mix it into the kale. Pour in 2 tablespoons of the dressing and stir well. Set aside.
Place the pumpkin in a small bowl. Stir in the pumpkin pie spice and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. In a skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 2 minutes. When it is hot, carefully drop rounded teaspoons of the pumpkin mixture into the oil (watch for splatter) and press down to flatten slightly. Work in batches to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on the first side, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook 2 minutes on the second side. Remove the pumpkin “croutons” to a plate and repeat until you have used all the pumpkin mixture. Add more oil if the pan gets too dry.
Dice the chard and kale ribs. Add them to the skillet and stir-fry for about 4 minutes. Mix them into the salad.
Transfer the kale and chard mixture to a serving bowl. Crumble the goat cheese over the top, then sprinkle on the pumpkin seeds. Arrange the berries (if using) and the pumpkin “croutons” on top. Drizzle with the remaining 2 tablespoons dressing. Serve immediately.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 396; Carbohydrate: 13 grams; Fat: 33 grams; Protein: 14 grams
A Mark’s Daily Apple Deal—Enjoy 4 Bonus Items!
I know that members of our Primal community at Mark’s Daily Apple and in the Keto Reset Facebook Group have come to expect delicious recipes from the MDA and Primal Kitchen teams, and I’m confident this cookbook won’t disappoint. I’m so excited for you to see it, I’m offering a bonus deal you won’t want to miss!
Pre-order your copy of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook from your favorite retailer, and simply submit your receipt (on the The Keto Reset Cookbook webpage—under “Claim Your Bonus Items”) to receive access to these four gifts:
$10 Discount Code: You’ll receive a $10 discount off the Primal Kitchen line of keto-approved healthy salad dressings and mayonnaise at PrimalBlueprint.com (minimum order $20).
Recipe Video: Join co-author Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. in her kitchen as she whips up one of her favorite recipes: blistered shishito peppers with the world’s easiest dipping sauce. (Yes, the recipe is in the book.)
Recipe Sampler PDF: Enjoy a collection of the best finger food recipes from the library of Keto Reset books, with a couple new recipes included for good measure. Perfect for keto-friendly party platters, snacks, and lunch boxes!
Audiobook Excerpt: Listen and learn more from a sample of the audiobook of the New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet narrated by dynamic co-author Brad Kearns.
Folks, I’m thrilled to announce this cookbook here on Mark’s Daily Apple where the entire Primal journey began. Speaking of which…if you consider yourself Primal but haven’t felt moved to go keto, no matter. I think you’ll enjoy these recipes just as much as any keto diehard. Every recipe is 100% Primal and Grok-approved. (And on that note, look for more thoughts on the Primal-Keto connection in tomorrow’s feature.)
For now, thank you, everyone, for your support over the years and for being here today. I can’t wait to hear what you think of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook.
The post Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
0 notes
cristinajourdanqp · 5 years
Text
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal)
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook is here! Well, almost here, but my team and I are excited to release it to the world—and especially to you, the readers of Mark’s Daily Apple. In fact, I decided to do a sneak peek today just so you’ll be the first to know.
When I published my New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet in October, 2017, keto was already hot among forward-thinking folks in the health, fitness, and longevity spheres, and it was catching on in the general population as well. Over the past year, its popularity has only continued to skyrocket. While I’ve personally enjoyed watching the tide of people rejecting carbohydrate dependency eating patterns and embracing a new scope of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating strategies, I also recognize the pitfalls within the potential….
On the one hand, the keto fervor has spurred people to question conventional nutrition advice, probably more than I’ve ever witnessed in my more-than-a-decade of conventional wisdom busting. That’s a good thing! On the other hand, as I’ve written before, the explosive growth has led to rampant hype, misinterpretation, and criticism. Even devoted keto enthusiasts have tweaked the foundational message to make keto a fat fest. A friend related to me recently how she’d attended a luncheon where one guest whipped out a stick of butter and set about applying pat after pat to her meal. You see, she was doing the keto diet!
I wrote The Keto Reset Diet as a countermeasure to the nutrient-poor, scientifically questionable, hacky versions of keto. I wanted to advance a version of keto that emphasizes the consumption of colorful, nutritious foods, including ample (but sensible) added fats when called for. I also wanted to put in a plug for fasting, eating in a compressed time window, and engaging in supportive behaviors like getting sufficient sleep and managing stress. In other words, the Primal interpretation and application of a ketogenic diet.
With this book project, I’d like to make another plug for enjoying the heck out of every single bite of food that you eat. This is pretty much my mission statement for my PRIMAL KITCHEN® product line—to enhance meals with healthy and deliciously flavored condiments—and it’s how I live my own life each day. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many keto enthusiasts resort to a somber, strict approach where bland meals are the norm to simplify counting and micromanaging macros. After all, if they keep their meals totally austere, they don’t have to stress about pesky carbs sneaking in and kicking them out of ketosis.
If you’ve read The Keto Reset Diet or taken the Keto Reset Online Mastery Course, you know that I don’t endorse any amount of struggling or suffering when eating a keto profile, just as I reject them in the context of a Primal diet. You probably also know that I refuse to eat anything that doesn’t bring me genuine pleasure. I want the same for you. That’s why I’m doing the work with you—helping you to eat colorful, flavorful, interesting food and stay within your ketogenic macros. This cookbook is part of that mission. Check out the video intro, and see what I mean.
youtube
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook contains 150 keto-friendly and totally Primal-approved recipes. My co-author, Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. and I have put together a collection that is sure to please every palate. (Yes, even your kids’—can you say Green Eggs and Ham?) We’re offering everything from quick-and-easy convenience foods (Handheld Chef Salad or Smoked Salmon Stacks) to recipes for nights when you feel like making something a little more special (Crab-stuffed Fish Pinwheels or Lamb Roast with Mint Chimichurri), and even some delectable desserts like the heavenly Dark Chocolate Pudding. Throwing a dinner party and want some keto-friendly fare that all your guests will love? We’ve got you covered! How about Bacon Party Mix, Roast Beef Bites with Horseradish Sauce, and Harissa Almond Dip?
In additional to the fabulous recipes, The Keto Reset Cookbook contains a plethora of educational content to explain the whats, whys, and hows of keto. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you give out copies of this cookbook as holiday gifts to your keto-curious friends and family. In addition to being inspired by the mouthwatering recipes, they’ll gain a good understanding of how to go keto the right way—laying the groundwork of ditching carb dependency and becoming somewhat fat-adapted before attempting a distinct keto phase, and steering clear of the flawed practices such as stuffing one’s face with fat in the name of making ketones.
The fact is, I recognize that a cookbook can be a less intimidating way to enter the keto scene. With The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook, not only will you get the basic guidelines you need to do it right, you’ll have an awesome collection of recipes to keep things lively and creative. Here are two of my favorites….
Crab Salad Remoulade
Ingredients:
1/2 cup avocado oil mayo
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (whole-grain recommended)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/2 teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 stalk celery with leaves, finely chopped
2 scallions, finely chopped
8 cups arugula
2 avocados, sliced
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Instructions:
In a bowl, combine the mayo, mustard, horseradish, Cajun seasoning, paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, and lemon juice. Add the crabmeat, celery, and scallions. Stir well to combine.
(Optional: Refrigerate the salad to chill.)
To serve, place 2 cups arugula on each salad plate. Arrange 1/2 sliced avocado on top. Scoop one-quarter of the salad mixture on top of the avocado. Serve with a lemon wedge.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 293; Carbohydrate: 10 grams; Fat: 26 grams; Protein: 9 grams
Kale Salad With Pumpkin Croutons
Ingredients:
½ cup Homemade Pumpkin Puree (page 245) or unsweetened canned
1 small bunch curly kale (green or red), ribs and leaves separated
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 small bunch Swiss chard, ribs and leaves separated
4 Tablespoons keto-friendly dressing of choice
¼ teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice Blend (page 254)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil
½ cup crumbled goat cheese
3 Tablespoons pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
½ cup raspberries or blackberries (optional)
Instructions:
If you are using homemade pumpkin puree, line a sieve with a clean kitchen towel and place it over a bowl. Scoop the pumpkin puree into the towel and set aside. You can skip this step if you are using canned pumpkin, or if your homemade pumpkin is not too watery.
Tear or cut the kale leaves into roughly bite-size pieces and place them in a large bowl. Add the olive oil, lemon juice, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Use your hands to knead (massage) the kale for about 2 minutes, until the volume has reduced by half.
Chop the Swiss chard leaves into small pieces and mix it into the kale. Pour in 2 tablespoons of the dressing and stir well. Set aside.
Place the pumpkin in a small bowl. Stir in the pumpkin pie spice and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. In a skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 2 minutes. When it is hot, carefully drop rounded teaspoons of the pumpkin mixture into the oil (watch for splatter) and press down to flatten slightly. Work in batches to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on the first side, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook 2 minutes on the second side. Remove the pumpkin “croutons” to a plate and repeat until you have used all the pumpkin mixture. Add more oil if the pan gets too dry.
Dice the chard and kale ribs. Add them to the skillet and stir-fry for about 4 minutes. Mix them into the salad.
Transfer the kale and chard mixture to a serving bowl. Crumble the goat cheese over the top, then sprinkle on the pumpkin seeds. Arrange the berries (if using) and the pumpkin “croutons” on top. Drizzle with the remaining 2 tablespoons dressing. Serve immediately.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 396; Carbohydrate: 13 grams; Fat: 33 grams; Protein: 14 grams
A Mark’s Daily Apple Deal—Enjoy 4 Bonus Items!
I know that members of our Primal community at Mark’s Daily Apple and in the Keto Reset Facebook Group have come to expect delicious recipes from the MDA and Primal Kitchen teams, and I’m confident this cookbook won’t disappoint. I’m so excited for you to see it, I’m offering a bonus deal you won’t want to miss!
Pre-order your copy of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook from your favorite retailer, and simply submit your receipt (on the The Keto Reset Cookbook webpage—under “Claim Your Bonus Items”) to receive access to these four gifts:
$10 Discount Code: You’ll receive a $10 discount off the Primal Kitchen line of keto-approved healthy salad dressings and mayonnaise at PrimalBlueprint.com (minimum order $20).
Recipe Video: Join co-author Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. in her kitchen as she whips up one of her favorite recipes: blistered shishito peppers with the world’s easiest dipping sauce. (Yes, the recipe is in the book.)
Recipe Sampler PDF: Enjoy a collection of the best finger food recipes from the library of Keto Reset books, with a couple new recipes included for good measure. Perfect for keto-friendly party platters, snacks, and lunch boxes!
Audiobook Excerpt: Listen and learn more from a sample of the audiobook of the New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet narrated by dynamic co-author Brad Kearns.
Folks, I’m thrilled to announce this cookbook here on Mark’s Daily Apple where the entire Primal journey began. Speaking of which…if you consider yourself Primal but haven’t felt moved to go keto, no matter. I think you’ll enjoy these recipes just as much as any keto diehard. Every recipe is 100% Primal and Grok-approved. (And on that note, look for more thoughts on the Primal-Keto connection in tomorrow’s feature.)
For now, thank you, everyone, for your support over the years and for being here today. I can’t wait to hear what you think of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook.
The post Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
0 notes
fishermariawo · 5 years
Text
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal)
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook is here! Well, almost here, but my team and I are excited to release it to the world—and especially to you, the readers of Mark’s Daily Apple. In fact, I decided to do a sneak peek today just so you’ll be the first to know.
When I published my New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet in October, 2017, keto was already hot among forward-thinking folks in the health, fitness, and longevity spheres, and it was catching on in the general population as well. Over the past year, its popularity has only continued to skyrocket. While I’ve personally enjoyed watching the tide of people rejecting carbohydrate dependency eating patterns and embracing a new scope of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating strategies, I also recognize the pitfalls within the potential….
On the one hand, the keto fervor has spurred people to question conventional nutrition advice, probably more than I’ve ever witnessed in my more-than-a-decade of conventional wisdom busting. That’s a good thing! On the other hand, as I’ve written before, the explosive growth has led to rampant hype, misinterpretation, and criticism. Even devoted keto enthusiasts have tweaked the foundational message to make keto a fat fest. A friend related to me recently how she’d attended a luncheon where one guest whipped out a stick of butter and set about applying pat after pat to her meal. You see, she was doing the keto diet!
I wrote The Keto Reset Diet as a countermeasure to the nutrient-poor, scientifically questionable, hacky versions of keto. I wanted to advance a version of keto that emphasizes the consumption of colorful, nutritious foods, including ample (but sensible) added fats when called for. I also wanted to put in a plug for fasting, eating in a compressed time window, and engaging in supportive behaviors like getting sufficient sleep and managing stress. In other words, the Primal interpretation and application of a ketogenic diet.
With this book project, I’d like to make another plug for enjoying the heck out of every single bite of food that you eat. This is pretty much my mission statement for my PRIMAL KITCHEN® product line—to enhance meals with healthy and deliciously flavored condiments—and it’s how I live my own life each day. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many keto enthusiasts resort to a somber, strict approach where bland meals are the norm to simplify counting and micromanaging macros. After all, if they keep their meals totally austere, they don’t have to stress about pesky carbs sneaking in and kicking them out of ketosis.
If you’ve read The Keto Reset Diet or taken the Keto Reset Online Mastery Course, you know that I don’t endorse any amount of struggling or suffering when eating a keto profile, just as I reject them in the context of a Primal diet. You probably also know that I refuse to eat anything that doesn’t bring me genuine pleasure. I want the same for you. That’s why I’m doing the work with you—helping you to eat colorful, flavorful, interesting food and stay within your ketogenic macros. This cookbook is part of that mission. Check out the video intro, and see what I mean.
youtube
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook contains 150 keto-friendly and totally Primal-approved recipes. My co-author, Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. and I have put together a collection that is sure to please every palate. (Yes, even your kids’—can you say Green Eggs and Ham?) We’re offering everything from quick-and-easy convenience foods (Handheld Chef Salad or Smoked Salmon Stacks) to recipes for nights when you feel like making something a little more special (Crab-stuffed Fish Pinwheels or Lamb Roast with Mint Chimichurri), and even some delectable desserts like the heavenly Dark Chocolate Pudding. Throwing a dinner party and want some keto-friendly fare that all your guests will love? We’ve got you covered! How about Bacon Party Mix, Roast Beef Bites with Horseradish Sauce, and Harissa Almond Dip?
In additional to the fabulous recipes, The Keto Reset Cookbook contains a plethora of educational content to explain the whats, whys, and hows of keto. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you give out copies of this cookbook as holiday gifts to your keto-curious friends and family. In addition to being inspired by the mouthwatering recipes, they’ll gain a good understanding of how to go keto the right way—laying the groundwork of ditching carb dependency and becoming somewhat fat-adapted before attempting a distinct keto phase, and steering clear of the flawed practices such as stuffing one’s face with fat in the name of making ketones.
The fact is, I recognize that a cookbook can be a less intimidating way to enter the keto scene. With The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook, not only will you get the basic guidelines you need to do it right, you’ll have an awesome collection of recipes to keep things lively and creative. Here are two of my favorites….
Crab Salad Remoulade
Ingredients:
1/2 cup avocado oil mayo
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (whole-grain recommended)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/2 teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 stalk celery with leaves, finely chopped
2 scallions, finely chopped
8 cups arugula
2 avocados, sliced
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Instructions:
In a bowl, combine the mayo, mustard, horseradish, Cajun seasoning, paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, and lemon juice. Add the crabmeat, celery, and scallions. Stir well to combine.
(Optional: Refrigerate the salad to chill.)
To serve, place 2 cups arugula on each salad plate. Arrange 1/2 sliced avocado on top. Scoop one-quarter of the salad mixture on top of the avocado. Serve with a lemon wedge.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 293; Carbohydrate: 10 grams; Fat: 26 grams; Protein: 9 grams
Kale Salad With Pumpkin Croutons
Ingredients:
½ cup Homemade Pumpkin Puree (page 245) or unsweetened canned
1 small bunch curly kale (green or red), ribs and leaves separated
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 small bunch Swiss chard, ribs and leaves separated
4 Tablespoons keto-friendly dressing of choice
¼ teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice Blend (page 254)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil
½ cup crumbled goat cheese
3 Tablespoons pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
½ cup raspberries or blackberries (optional)
Instructions:
If you are using homemade pumpkin puree, line a sieve with a clean kitchen towel and place it over a bowl. Scoop the pumpkin puree into the towel and set aside. You can skip this step if you are using canned pumpkin, or if your homemade pumpkin is not too watery.
Tear or cut the kale leaves into roughly bite-size pieces and place them in a large bowl. Add the olive oil, lemon juice, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Use your hands to knead (massage) the kale for about 2 minutes, until the volume has reduced by half.
Chop the Swiss chard leaves into small pieces and mix it into the kale. Pour in 2 tablespoons of the dressing and stir well. Set aside.
Place the pumpkin in a small bowl. Stir in the pumpkin pie spice and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. In a skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 2 minutes. When it is hot, carefully drop rounded teaspoons of the pumpkin mixture into the oil (watch for splatter) and press down to flatten slightly. Work in batches to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on the first side, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook 2 minutes on the second side. Remove the pumpkin “croutons” to a plate and repeat until you have used all the pumpkin mixture. Add more oil if the pan gets too dry.
Dice the chard and kale ribs. Add them to the skillet and stir-fry for about 4 minutes. Mix them into the salad.
Transfer the kale and chard mixture to a serving bowl. Crumble the goat cheese over the top, then sprinkle on the pumpkin seeds. Arrange the berries (if using) and the pumpkin “croutons” on top. Drizzle with the remaining 2 tablespoons dressing. Serve immediately.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 396; Carbohydrate: 13 grams; Fat: 33 grams; Protein: 14 grams
A Mark’s Daily Apple Deal—Enjoy 4 Bonus Items!
I know that members of our Primal community at Mark’s Daily Apple and in the Keto Reset Facebook Group have come to expect delicious recipes from the MDA and Primal Kitchen teams, and I’m confident this cookbook won’t disappoint. I’m so excited for you to see it, I’m offering a bonus deal you won’t want to miss!
Pre-order your copy of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook from your favorite retailer, and simply submit your receipt (on the The Keto Reset Cookbook webpage—under “Claim Your Bonus Items”) to receive access to these four gifts:
$10 Discount Code: You’ll receive a $10 discount off the Primal Kitchen line of keto-approved healthy salad dressings and mayonnaise at PrimalBlueprint.com (minimum order $20).
Recipe Video: Join co-author Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. in her kitchen as she whips up one of her favorite recipes: blistered shishito peppers with the world’s easiest dipping sauce. (Yes, the recipe is in the book.)
Recipe Sampler PDF: Enjoy a collection of the best finger food recipes from the library of Keto Reset books, with a couple new recipes included for good measure. Perfect for keto-friendly party platters, snacks, and lunch boxes!
Audiobook Excerpt: Listen and learn more from a sample of the audiobook of the New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet narrated by dynamic co-author Brad Kearns.
Folks, I’m thrilled to announce this cookbook here on Mark’s Daily Apple where the entire Primal journey began. Speaking of which…if you consider yourself Primal but haven’t felt moved to go keto, no matter. I think you’ll enjoy these recipes just as much as any keto diehard. Every recipe is 100% Primal and Grok-approved. (And on that note, look for more thoughts on the Primal-Keto connection in tomorrow’s feature.)
For now, thank you, everyone, for your support over the years and for being here today. I can’t wait to hear what you think of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook.
The post Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
0 notes
watsonrodriquezie · 5 years
Text
Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal)
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook is here! Well, almost here, but my team and I are excited to release it to the world—and especially to you, the readers of Mark’s Daily Apple. In fact, I decided to do a sneak peek today just so you’ll be the first to know.
When I published my New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet in October, 2017, keto was already hot among forward-thinking folks in the health, fitness, and longevity spheres, and it was catching on in the general population as well. Over the past year, its popularity has only continued to skyrocket. While I’ve personally enjoyed watching the tide of people rejecting carbohydrate dependency eating patterns and embracing a new scope of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating strategies, I also recognize the pitfalls within the potential….
On the one hand, the keto fervor has spurred people to question conventional nutrition advice, probably more than I’ve ever witnessed in my more-than-a-decade of conventional wisdom busting. That’s a good thing! On the other hand, as I’ve written before, the explosive growth has led to rampant hype, misinterpretation, and criticism. Even devoted keto enthusiasts have tweaked the foundational message to make keto a fat fest. A friend related to me recently how she’d attended a luncheon where one guest whipped out a stick of butter and set about applying pat after pat to her meal. You see, she was doing the keto diet!
I wrote The Keto Reset Diet as a countermeasure to the nutrient-poor, scientifically questionable, hacky versions of keto. I wanted to advance a version of keto that emphasizes the consumption of colorful, nutritious foods, including ample (but sensible) added fats when called for. I also wanted to put in a plug for fasting, eating in a compressed time window, and engaging in supportive behaviors like getting sufficient sleep and managing stress. In other words, the Primal interpretation and application of a ketogenic diet.
With this book project, I’d like to make another plug for enjoying the heck out of every single bite of food that you eat. This is pretty much my mission statement for my PRIMAL KITCHEN® product line—to enhance meals with healthy and deliciously flavored condiments—and it’s how I live my own life each day. Unfortunately, I’ve seen many keto enthusiasts resort to a somber, strict approach where bland meals are the norm to simplify counting and micromanaging macros. After all, if they keep their meals totally austere, they don’t have to stress about pesky carbs sneaking in and kicking them out of ketosis.
If you’ve read The Keto Reset Diet or taken the Keto Reset Online Mastery Course, you know that I don’t endorse any amount of struggling or suffering when eating a keto profile, just as I reject them in the context of a Primal diet. You probably also know that I refuse to eat anything that doesn’t bring me genuine pleasure. I want the same for you. That’s why I’m doing the work with you—helping you to eat colorful, flavorful, interesting food and stay within your ketogenic macros. This cookbook is part of that mission. Check out the video intro, and see what I mean.
youtube
The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook contains 150 keto-friendly and totally Primal-approved recipes. My co-author, Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. and I have put together a collection that is sure to please every palate. (Yes, even your kids’—can you say Green Eggs and Ham?) We’re offering everything from quick-and-easy convenience foods (Handheld Chef Salad or Smoked Salmon Stacks) to recipes for nights when you feel like making something a little more special (Crab-stuffed Fish Pinwheels or Lamb Roast with Mint Chimichurri), and even some delectable desserts like the heavenly Dark Chocolate Pudding. Throwing a dinner party and want some keto-friendly fare that all your guests will love? We’ve got you covered! How about Bacon Party Mix, Roast Beef Bites with Horseradish Sauce, and Harissa Almond Dip?
In additional to the fabulous recipes, The Keto Reset Cookbook contains a plethora of educational content to explain the whats, whys, and hows of keto. Let’s just say, hypothetically, you give out copies of this cookbook as holiday gifts to your keto-curious friends and family. In addition to being inspired by the mouthwatering recipes, they’ll gain a good understanding of how to go keto the right way—laying the groundwork of ditching carb dependency and becoming somewhat fat-adapted before attempting a distinct keto phase, and steering clear of the flawed practices such as stuffing one’s face with fat in the name of making ketones.
The fact is, I recognize that a cookbook can be a less intimidating way to enter the keto scene. With The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook, not only will you get the basic guidelines you need to do it right, you’ll have an awesome collection of recipes to keep things lively and creative. Here are two of my favorites….
Crab Salad Remoulade
Ingredients:
1/2 cup avocado oil mayo
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard (whole-grain recommended)
1/2 teaspoon prepared horseradish
1/2 teaspoon Cajun Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon sweet paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
1 pound lump crabmeat
1 stalk celery with leaves, finely chopped
2 scallions, finely chopped
8 cups arugula
2 avocados, sliced
1 lemon, cut into wedges
Instructions:
In a bowl, combine the mayo, mustard, horseradish, Cajun seasoning, paprika, garlic powder, cayenne, and lemon juice. Add the crabmeat, celery, and scallions. Stir well to combine.
(Optional: Refrigerate the salad to chill.)
To serve, place 2 cups arugula on each salad plate. Arrange 1/2 sliced avocado on top. Scoop one-quarter of the salad mixture on top of the avocado. Serve with a lemon wedge.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 293; Carbohydrate: 10 grams; Fat: 26 grams; Protein: 9 grams
Kale Salad With Pumpkin Croutons
Ingredients:
½ cup Homemade Pumpkin Puree (page 245) or unsweetened canned
1 small bunch curly kale (green or red), ribs and leaves separated
1 Tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
½ teaspoon kosher salt
1 small bunch Swiss chard, ribs and leaves separated
4 Tablespoons keto-friendly dressing of choice
¼ teaspoon Pumpkin Pie Spice Blend (page 254)
2 Tablespoons coconut oil
½ cup crumbled goat cheese
3 Tablespoons pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
½ cup raspberries or blackberries (optional)
Instructions:
If you are using homemade pumpkin puree, line a sieve with a clean kitchen towel and place it over a bowl. Scoop the pumpkin puree into the towel and set aside. You can skip this step if you are using canned pumpkin, or if your homemade pumpkin is not too watery.
Tear or cut the kale leaves into roughly bite-size pieces and place them in a large bowl. Add the olive oil, lemon juice, and ¼ teaspoon of the salt. Use your hands to knead (massage) the kale for about 2 minutes, until the volume has reduced by half.
Chop the Swiss chard leaves into small pieces and mix it into the kale. Pour in 2 tablespoons of the dressing and stir well. Set aside.
Place the pumpkin in a small bowl. Stir in the pumpkin pie spice and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt. In a skillet, heat the coconut oil over medium heat for 2 minutes. When it is hot, carefully drop rounded teaspoons of the pumpkin mixture into the oil (watch for splatter) and press down to flatten slightly. Work in batches to avoid crowding the pan. Cook until browned on the first side, about 2 minutes. Flip and cook 2 minutes on the second side. Remove the pumpkin “croutons” to a plate and repeat until you have used all the pumpkin mixture. Add more oil if the pan gets too dry.
Dice the chard and kale ribs. Add them to the skillet and stir-fry for about 4 minutes. Mix them into the salad.
Transfer the kale and chard mixture to a serving bowl. Crumble the goat cheese over the top, then sprinkle on the pumpkin seeds. Arrange the berries (if using) and the pumpkin “croutons” on top. Drizzle with the remaining 2 tablespoons dressing. Serve immediately.
Nutritional Information (per serving):
Calories: 396; Carbohydrate: 13 grams; Fat: 33 grams; Protein: 14 grams
A Mark’s Daily Apple Deal—Enjoy 4 Bonus Items!
I know that members of our Primal community at Mark’s Daily Apple and in the Keto Reset Facebook Group have come to expect delicious recipes from the MDA and Primal Kitchen teams, and I’m confident this cookbook won’t disappoint. I’m so excited for you to see it, I’m offering a bonus deal you won’t want to miss!
Pre-order your copy of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook from your favorite retailer, and simply submit your receipt (on the The Keto Reset Cookbook webpage—under “Claim Your Bonus Items”) to receive access to these four gifts:
$10 Discount Code: You’ll receive a $10 discount off the Primal Kitchen line of keto-approved healthy salad dressings and mayonnaise at PrimalBlueprint.com (minimum order $20).
Recipe Video: Join co-author Lindsay Taylor, Ph.D. in her kitchen as she whips up one of her favorite recipes: blistered shishito peppers with the world’s easiest dipping sauce. (Yes, the recipe is in the book.)
Recipe Sampler PDF: Enjoy a collection of the best finger food recipes from the library of Keto Reset books, with a couple new recipes included for good measure. Perfect for keto-friendly party platters, snacks, and lunch boxes!
Audiobook Excerpt: Listen and learn more from a sample of the audiobook of the New York Times bestseller The Keto Reset Diet narrated by dynamic co-author Brad Kearns.
Folks, I’m thrilled to announce this cookbook here on Mark’s Daily Apple where the entire Primal journey began. Speaking of which…if you consider yourself Primal but haven’t felt moved to go keto, no matter. I think you’ll enjoy these recipes just as much as any keto diehard. Every recipe is 100% Primal and Grok-approved. (And on that note, look for more thoughts on the Primal-Keto connection in tomorrow’s feature.)
For now, thank you, everyone, for your support over the years and for being here today. I can’t wait to hear what you think of The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook.
The post Introducing The Keto Reset Diet Cookbook (Plus, an MDA Pre-Order Bonus Deal) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
0 notes