#the only reason im venting here is because using server vent channels makes me feel like shit. so here i am yelling into the void

[bwabys-scenarios]

hey, so would it be okay for this to just be read and not answered? i want to respect everyone's privacy.

so, i used to be in your old discord you now privated and that's totaly fine! whatever makes u most comfy! i kinda put two and two together with the person u were talking about on here and someone who left that discord like 2 weeks ago. IF its the same person im thinking of, then they are currently being harassed, called a c*nt, delusional, anon is asking for usernames of people, which they refuse to give and dont want to speak about the situation further (they honestly arent even talking about it and seem to be moved on? idk what anon is on about). essentially a very similar message to yours of dont harass anyone or ask questions further, we both will move on etc i saw it and your message that hate wont be tolerated and i really hope whoever the anon is isnt sending you hate either... it's a weird situation and idk what to do other than bring it to attention, even tho i know you want to move on and heal from this person, i also feel strongly about cyberbullying and people who are nosy and want to get involved for no reason. i just wish healing for everyone involved<3 anyway, that's all and i hope that you are doing well regardless! im wishing you a lovely day or night mwah<3

No, anons haven’t sent me any hate at all, this is actually fucking disgusting. Maybe I haven’t gotten the hate yet? Either way I’m assuming it’s someone from my old server or someone sending them hate just to cause more drama between the two of us.

So big announcement, if you’re sending hate to anyone on my behalf, I want you to fucking show yourself. I want you to apologize. I already asked everyone to not send any hate to anyone, it’s not hard at all to do.

I made a mistake making it public(though I did not mention their name once on tumblr), and this is a very harsh lesson to learn. I have the person that’s receiving this hate blocked or I would personally apologize to them, but if they see this, that’s not what I wanted at all. If you find out who is sending you the hate you can contact me and I’ll make sure they get reported. You can also report anonymous messages, and it should still affect their account! I did this in the past and it got someone’s account who was bullying me taken down.

I never mentioned the persons name publicly but I did vent about them in my discord after the big falling out because I was so frustrated. I didn’t want more people to know who they were after I calmed down so I kicked everyone I didn’t trust.

If someone I trusted did this, it breaks my fucking heart. This is not what we do, this shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone. Idc what anyone did in this situation, she didn’t do anything worthy of receiving hate. No one should get that kind of shit. No one.

I would have hoped people had some common fucking decency. This literally pissed me tf off.

It’s a big lesson, even if you think you can trust people with information, you always have to be careful. That’s why I made a whole new server with no drama and no vents or anything to prevent this. It’s partially my fault, even if I didn’t say their username on my tumblr I did say it in my discord server. At the time it only had around 20ish people, but soon after I posted in vent I made the vent channel private and kicked 10 people, the unprivated the vent channel after. Before we had a falling out I didn’t mention them at all, and it should have stayed that way.

I haven’t checked their account since I blocked them, but they should be able to block the anonymous accounts. I’m pretty sure it blocks alts as well? Because when I block someone at least I’m unable to see the account on my alt. Idk about being blocked though. Sorry I don’t usually try to go to someone’s account after I’ve been blocked.

I’d recommend turning off anons for a while, it’s what I did after the fallout because I was afraid of getting bad anonymous asks as well. And at the time before I turned it off I did receive a few nasty asks about me being dramatic etc, but I didn’t really give it much thought.

People enjoy drama and stirring the pot. I think I’ll also turn off anon and limit my messages to people I follow only for a bit just to be safe 😭

If you send anyone hate on my behalf, you are scum. I don’t tolerate bullies, that situation has been over with for nearly a week now, and we both moved on. There’s no reason to send hate to anyone.

I’m sorry, in the future I’ll be more mindful of who I vent to. It’s just not okay, I thought I could trust my server of FULLY GROWN ADULTS to act like adults should, but clearly fucking not. I’m not only disappointed, but also angry and upset.

If you think sending someone hate on my behalf helps me at all, you’re wrong. All it does it hurt others and cause more problems for me. This has brought back all the stress of the situation when I felt like I finally moved on from it.

I’m sorry, again, it’s my fault for trusting the wrong people. I’ll keep my venting between my closest friends from now on. This is just not acceptable behavior, who the fuck sends someone anonymous hate over INTERNET DRAMA? Go outside, touch some grass, interact with someone in the real world!

I offer all of my apologies to the person affected. Not mentioning their name, but I really hope this message clears everything up. I don’t want anyone sending ANYONE hate.

#announcement

[greatcomettexting2]

the thing about the mod steph and mod nero of greatcomettexting is that i never got to parse out how icky they made me feel whenever i drew boundaries but i really want to because i still feel icky about it so ill warm myself some cawfee and do it now

nero talks a lot about how “none of us what REAL callout worthy things hes done!!” but i figure so long as my skins crawling about how obsessed they both were with me then i can risk his constant talk in every new server he joined about how he “has attempted literal actual murder” even if it was just him having an episode in high school and lobbing a brick

mod steph’s already had a huge history of not knowing when to draw boundaries with people and theres a dozen fucking people who can vouch for this because they all stopped talking to her once she started this weird shit. whether it was suicide baiting people into pitying her and listening to her for like all of 2017 or copy pasting other peoples vents to send herself(wild?) in the Vent Channel. clara talks a lot every one or two years about how much shes “changed” but she continually tests these boundaries to fuck around with people and nero isnt better in this respect at all. it felt like sometimes theyd realize something was a boundary for someone and then trigger it on purpose 

like. the first and biggest and weirdest thing is that nero and clara would take entire conversations i’d had years ago and roleplay them out WORD FOR WORD in text or on call. sometimes id get uncomfortable with how clearly they remembered each word in the conversation. this wasnt a one off thing, this went on from 2018 to today, and it really really disturbed me, but i had no idea how to talk to either of them about it, because when i did clara would act like she had no clue what i was talking about, and say shit like ““listen jules, i feel like this is one of those instances where you think somethings happening, but it isnt.” the excuse nero used for this was that “ive always thought jules was so cool” but that doesnt explain copying out entire conversations i had that he shouldnt really remember from as early as 2017. it did feel at times like he enjoyed taking on the role of me in these conversations and saying the things i said out loud. this got very very creepy very very fast

that brings me to the next thing which was this. weird obsessive fascination mod steph had with my approval. there is just so much shit.  she picked up her other name “clara” from a friend i have named kai who used to go by clara--the reason steph picked this name was because i would gush a lot about kai to her (which made me really happy because clara would have borderline suicidal breakdowns when i talked about my other friends.) she got really really fucking uncomfortable whenever i gave approval to anyone else too and would act like. a petulant child if i couldnt give her compliments she wanted. the most recent example of this was that i complimented someones selfie that wasnt hers she stayed cold to me for two days. i finally decided to ask her what was wrong and she admitted she had felt “kind of bad” when i ignored her selfie and when i asked her why she didnt communicate this to me, she explained she gets kind of “mean when shes high” (she doesnt, she has a bpd break for julesyboy’s approval when shes high.) she would also get super uncomfortable when i expressed attraction to Anyone, (romantic OR platonic) and begin comparing herself to them (why do this) on text and on call. a most memorable recent experience of this was when i explained to her in detail about a guy i like who’d bit his knuckle, and then she posted selfies everywhere of her blushing profusely and. biting her knuckle (and it really really wasnt the same, poor thing, she really did try.) theres dozens upon dozens of examples of this

and i realise that whole paragraph is wild and kind of funny if you think about it in the context of... like, a kid who admires the attention of their friend. but clara and nero would try their hardest all the time to test everyones boundaries to the point where it got way too weird. if nero knew something was specific to someones abuse he’d make sure to push them about it or make posts about how “weak!” it was for people to deal with “x and x.” or if someone were to expressed a self harming behaviour he would jump in w “OMG! LISTEN! I DO THIS TOO!!.” or he would make jokes about him “selling pics! this is just a reminder! :3 happy valentines day!” (same post, all platforms) before three of my friends who were sex workers approached me asking if this was a weird little joke. it really did feel like at times he said things he knew would shock people the most. and it really did feel like at times every time someone said something out of the ordinary he would. go out of his way trying to say he did that too, it wasnt a big deal. “it doesnt matter if youve self harmed yourself a lot, have i talked about how i once attempted murder yet. does that sound too edgy? i know people are scared of me... omg... omg omg.” and like this is all fine because if you hear his tinkly baby voice on call none of this shit is all that scary, no matter how much he talks about “how his friends think hes really really tough” (where are his friends.) but it does get a little weird when you think about how much of my trauma i confided in both of these two only to have nero blow it off, and how much they enjoyed doing that thing where they would roleplay out my conversations  from 2017 with nero in the role of saying the things i responded with.

the reason ive typed out this long ass post is bc it literally just made my skin itch a little. it still does. when nero and clara would Do The Thing where they played out jules’ old conversations and . when they would post a lot of selfies with captions like “ahhh i love myself! i promise!” only to see my pictures from 2017 and go “ughh... i was REALLY ugly back then, but i promise im pretty now! clara/nero was ugly too, not gonna lie!” before venting about how they were never satsified w their reflections in the mirror it was weird. when clara would vent every night i didnt compliment like. a fucking selfie of hers. about how Unloved She Truly Was it was weird. like bros i am an abused neet living at home and after im done college im fucking out of here forever... u have nothing to be weirdly obsessed about, and copying out conversations i had with you and things i said to years ago won’t make u love yourself any more

tldr: mods neroratio and stephclara were very microobsessed with my attention and with attention in general to the point where they would literally roleplay being me and act like i was “making things up in my head” when i asked them wtf was wrong. and if you remember them from greatcomettexting and admired them for speaking their truth then like. this is what they were like

#mod worm

[artificialenvy]

CALLOUT POST

@currynahh / @currynya is a shitty person.

I am making this post because I refuse to let them throw around accusations that I'm a predator.

Reasons I believe they are shitty:

I have ADHD, but I'll try not to derail any points.

After not seeing my spouse since Highschool, they invited them to a discord server. I was brought along and given a "+1" role, as in "This person isn't one of us, just @twiranux 's +1. I wouldn't have had a problem with that if it didn't create and "In group" and "out group" where the people in the ingroup treated the +1 role as "not a friend, just a +1."

They have a room for venting in that server, as a lot of people do. I have seen people typing in there on three occasions and decided not to interrupt them for my own needs, however the time I got to start typing in there and posted a couple of messages to indicate I would be typing, someone else came in and made it about them. I doubt they meant harm by that, but I went to @currynahh and explained it hurt to be silenced like that. I wasn't looking for an apology, I was looking for a solution so other people don't get hurt. My proposed suggestion was a second vent room for if there were 2 people needing it at once on that large a server, it would be helpful, or atleast a rule about interrupting vulnerable people. They dismissed this saying "two rooms wouldn't help because what if there were THREE people" which, if there were three people at the same time one would still have to wait, but the line would be split in half and people would be able to use it if it was an emergency and the first space was already taken without interrupting.

When they dismissed this idea, I said (and I dont have the exact quote as I left the channel, something @currynahh is very particular about is exact phrasing.) "If there's no rule against interrupting I guess next time I'm in need to type and someone is already using the safe space, I'll just be That Dickhead[TM] and interrupt? Can't wait." to which they threatened me with a ban, assuming I meant I was going to actively hurt people instead of just pointing out that there being no rule meant ANYONE could be That Dickhead[TM]

I also pointed out the inconsistency of threatening me with a ban for saying I'd do what the other user actually did and cut someone off. (they never spoke to the person who interrupted me about the event, to my knowledge, and I never spoke to them or saw their name) so I referred to them as "the fucker who interrupted me." Not in a mean way, just.. Here people can be called fuckers, like calling kids brats. I apologized once they said they found that rude, but they kept bringing it up saying I was name calling.

This is Hearsay, but apparently they said the person probably interrupted me because of ADHD, they seem a bit too comfortable deciding what is a factor of someone's else disabilities without consulting them.

Them dismissing my problems and threatening me with a ban instead of trying to fix their server made me actually go to name calling, and I still feel it's fair to call them a heartless cunt. Heartless for pretending to care when really they just wanted to defend someone in the in-group, Cunt cause it's a great word and it fits. I know the word Cunt is seen more harshly in some places, again, so much here. They really take offense to regional and class based dialects. They went to a private school and were calling me mean for just calling a dude I had no name for as "a fucker" when to me, someone who's poor and went to public school in a shitty town in Ontario, it's the norm here.

Since they showed they really didn't care I told them they were fake and left their channel, my spouse chose to follow me which I didnt know about at the time.

They DMed my spouse with another person who hasn't spoken to my spouse or I in 6 years to call me toxic, abusive and a predator. My spouse said they wouldn't have that conversation without me, as its childish and unproductive to just talk behind peoples backs. When @currynahh kicked me out of the group chat, refusing to talk like adults, my spouse asked me to log into their account to participate since they didn't want to be cornered by these two people to talk shit about someone they care about.

They call me toxic and abusive because I vaguely know the passwords to @twiranux 's accounts, despite never logging in unless asked to (for example a daily event in a videogame that they won't be able to make in time but wants the rewards.) and because on one occasion while I was napping, my spouse forgot an agreement we made about watching a specific movie together and I was upset about that, as I'm sure most people would be if their partner agreed to not watch something without them. I tried to keep my cool and just stay out of the way of their enjoyment, but my spouse wanted me to join in atleast for the end so I did, still grumpy but trying to make the best of it. If they had waited an hour or chose a different movie, things would've been different but @currynahh doesn't want "excuses."

They call me a predator because the person I'm married to is 2 years younger than me. @twiranux and I have been together almost 9 years now, we started Long Distance Online Dating just playing minecraft, listening to owl city (our song's Honey and The Bee 🐝,) and making Garry's Mod youtube videos. We would've been about 13 and 15 at the time, though it is worth noting that our birthdays were less than a month away from when we started dating so 14 and 16 if you want to make that distinction, I was in class with people the same age as my spouse. They think the age is gross, but we were two neurodivergent kids who were extremely sheltered at the time (helicopter parents/physical disabilities) who could only have freedom online. We had met through liking the same movies and youtubers and knew eachother a year before, while I was asking for advice on asking someone else out, my now spouse confessed attraction to me and I suggested we try "dating" for a bit, which consisted of nothing new except drawing cute pictures and giving eachother nicknames. I dont know if I knew their age at the time, but I did think they were a boy which didn't change anything, just hopefully shows I wasn't some 30 year old neckbeard hunting for kids on the net, I was just a disabled kid who was caught off guard by a confession of attraction and rolled with it.

@currynahh says they have proof that we weren't innocent in highschool, as (they claim) we asked them to write nsfw fanfic about us, which.. we didn't? My spouse has no idea where thats coming from and neither do I so just a blatant lie. Not that it's anyone's business but my spouse and I didnt meet in person for about 4 years and anything physical took place after we were both legal adults, im not comfortable going into more detail.

After my spouse had me log onto their account to show they weren't going to be cornered by those two, I was allowed back into the group chat to try and figure out why they think im problematic, but @currynahh insists im just making excuses when I've just been saying exactly what im saying here. They say I'm sugarcoating it, I disagree. I dont have the exact words I said about everything, but admitting to calling her a Heartless Cunt isn't something I'd do if i were sugarcoating it as she suggests. This is how it played out they keep trying to shove me into this "abuser" box they framed me in without knowing me.

They would repeatedly spew paragraphs of "points" then block me and leave the group chat while I was typing up a response. They don't want excuses (read: explanations) and they don't care about facts (that they misunderstood certain things and was willing to clear up what I meant if they weren't so caught up on semantics.)

I will not go into my partners mental illnesses on this platform, but they have a psychiatrist who I've met and I have to (sometimes in a way that looks controlling to someone who doesn't know the problems) keep my spouse grounded. The Psychiatrist thought I was doing a great job at managing it, but @currynahh disagrees, saying I'm enabling (without even letting us tell them what the problem is or how im helping.)

Which brings us to the next point; they say I can't talk about the mental health of myself or my spouse because it will trigger them, meaning they block any attempt we make at explaining how it works. They treat us as a neurotypical couple and call it abusive when I'm literally just doing what's deemed best by a psychiatrist for my spouse.

For DARING to tell her to stop calling me a predator, she calls me a narcissist, which is just.. Very cool. Love me some armchair diagnosis. They also diagnosed me with anger issues (from one call in which I was grumpy and then me trying to defend myself from these accusations.) So really, I think docs are being paid too much 'cause @currynahh is doing their job for free.

Because they weren't listening to my spouse, my spouse decided to stop typing, especially since she was just going on long rants then leaving the server before we could reply. Whenever @twiranux gets a chance to speak, @currynahh would leave the server claiming it triggers their anxiety to face the consequences of what they said. Then they would tell me to quit speaking over @twiranux when I was just speaking on our behalf, while in a call with @twiranux due to these reasons.

Instead of keeping their nose out of our relationship like we were asking, they kept trying to tell my spouse (who chose to marry me and lives in another country) that im abusive because they think trusting eachother is a sign of abuse.

Instead of listening that we're fine, they throw a tantrum and tell us to go to marriage counseling (which, although I wouldn't be opposed to going, is very telling that they think people can just do things that require money on a whim.)

They say that "instead of saving up to move in together and have kids you should put money towards marriage counseling" which again, what savings do they think I have? My bank account has -$4.00 in it and my spouse can't work right now. We have nothing.

They keep bringing up kids and how would we raise them? Would they not have privacy? Its a stupid point they threw out there as currently there aren't plans to have kids and there's huuuge difference between a married couple knowing eachothers passwords and not letting your kids have privacy.

They keep bringing up the fact that we've lost friends before without knowing why. So if they want to private message me I'd be happy to tell her about how we left our last friend group after a dispute where the other people were claiming the N word was inoffensive. Or the group that actually was trying to get into my spouses pants and we weren't comfortable there. You keep making accusations then refusing to listen to facts.

Idk if I'm missing anything, if they unblock me and see this they will probably say I'm staw-manning again without actually telling me how and while having no counter arguments. They also don't accept my adhd for accidentally derailing, while using theirs to deflect any criticism.

Karina, you don't know us and you say even talking about our mental health will trigger you, so you need to accept that you're unwilling or unable to understand the dynamics of our relationship but just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's toxic. I wouldn't have made this post if you didn't keep calling me a predator, but I need to clear that accusation publicly before you keep throwing around dangerous labels.

Grow up. Get some help. Learn that your POV isn't the only one.

#they seemed to have changed their blog to currynya now #If you stop calling me a predator and stopped treating me like an abuser without listening and instead had a proper adult conversation on #discord id be willing to take down this post #but as it sits i have no choice since you keep attacking my character #currynya #currynahh

[xxx-mundiemudsnapper-xxx]

think im gonna be slowly losing my mind over the coming weeks and venting in my personal channels in discord isnt helping like it used to so im sorry but i gotta bitch here

ive been having burnout really bad lately. i dont want to play anything in my steam library which sucks because i just. i want to play scream fortress but i dont really have the mental energy anymore for actually playing tf2. i dont feel like opening any roblox games i like. i dont feel like reinstalling DE or PD2 on my other hard drive to play those.

theres nothing i want to watch on youtube. all the music ive been listening to is getting worn out. literally i dont know what to do or talk about to entertain myself. and now on top of that i cant go anywhere or do anything for eight weeks because my mom broke her hand. eight. fucking. weeks. where im now stuck in this fucking house for 24/7 and i have to constantly be at her beck and call more often than i already have to be.

i cant go out to practice driving with my dad. i JUST got my permit back like 2 weeks ago (original one was expired.) at least one of us has to be here all the time. and its going to be me. every. single. time.

im going to have to have the burden of EVERY FUCKING HOUSEHOLD thing now. im probably not gonna get helped by my dad bc hes literally constantly at work (not his fault, ik hes busy but it just blows im not gonna get help when i really need it.)

compounding w/this is that i moderate a relatively good sized discord and a handful of newer members are really annoying me (nobody following me if ur in there ofc but like Yeah) and im very glad we were able to get 2 more mods but i had to deal with something serious and it really strained me even though i was like. barely that involved with it.

plus we keep having random incidental shit happen when im the only moderator online. im incredibly incredibly grateful for the two newer mods who have been able to handle some more recent things while ive been desperately trying to have any semblance of an actual life but like. im not fucking joking when i say i shouldnt have to explain why school shootings and child soldiers arent funny or acceptable for an original character. god people like this piss me off so much esp when theyre like “sorry i cant tell whats inapprorpiate an whats not :(((((((((” when its pretty clear we dont allow stuff along those lines in our rules like. come on. dont joke about that shit. dont post borderline fetishy shit in a server with like 14 year olds in it.

oh and forget all that, i cant fucking enjoy time i have off after doing relatively large amounts of homework because: - everything opens sunday, is due next sunday - class discussion boards never have posts until like saturday/sunday night so im stuck with that hovering over my head all weekend bc nobody else fucking bothers to do the assignments until the last minute - one teacher posts her stuff and like makes 3 announcements about it on FRIDAY AFTERNOONS for whatever reason 

with that like i said i literally feel like i cant catch a break from schoolwork because im being harassed by it when i should be able to sit back and relax and not have to worry about it

im trying really hard not to just sit here and break down and cry but im really fucking sick of all of this. im not going to be able to get supplies or anything to make anything until mid december. i have almost no stuffing and the only kind i can reliably get online comes in really small bags.

all i want to do is go to like. joannes. target. maybe the mall or something. im going fucking insane in this house sitting here spiralling into depression really badly and any hope i had to stave that shit off just got thrown in the trash like my moms pajama pants she tripped on.

im fucking tired of it. im fucking tired of being under constant mounting pressure for no fucking reason. i already have my own diabetes bullshit to deal with, i DONT need more fucking stress on top of it but apparently im gods fucking laughing stock or whatever because each day feels like it just gets worse

#mecha speaks #vent #please for the love of god help me #i apologize but i really dont have the spoons to trigger tag this so read at your own risk #no im not tagging for length either #i need someone else to hear this bullshit im living through right now #i need help. something. literally anything. #just someone else to like. try comforting me because i dont want to keep stressing everyone else out