#the only downside is that everyone is working rn
Text
༉‧₊˚🕯️🌿❀༉‧₊˚. here is your long-awaited masterlist- hopefully, this will make it easier for everyone to navigate my account! this took fucking ages because i have nearly 200 posts on here, but i did it for you guys. everyone say thank you cat3ch1sm our lord and savior for the masterlist rn. im listening 🤨 however, this is just part one because im only allowed 100 links per post (which is bullshit bro😒) so be on the lookout for more
to clarify, this is in chronological order- i literally started from the bottom of my account and worked my way up. my wrists hurt like an mf and this isn’t even it bro wtf
i officially have the longest goddamn masterlist on this app bro. what the actual fuck
`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞
light yagami nsfw
light fucks you while ryuzaki watches
angry car sex with light
sex with light at L’s funeral
sex with light at L’s funeral- part 2
light yagami sfw
death note cast kissing you
death note incorrect quotes
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
death note incorrect quotes 2
light stops you from writing your name in the death note
telling him you’re pregnant
ryuzaki sfw
dating the wammy boys
death note cast kissing you
angst- l confesses to you
death note incorrect quotes
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
death note incorrect quotes 2
brother/sister relationship with l
cuddling with l
telling him you’re pregnant
ryuzaki nsfw
wammy boys during sex
l tests “research” on you
l tests “research” on you- part 2
l tests “research” on you- part 3
jealous/possessive L
jealous/possessive L- part 2
misa amane sfw
death note cast kissing you
death note incorrect quotes
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
death note incorrect quotes 2
misa amane nsfw
near sfw
dating the wammy boys
death note incorrect quotes 2
near nsfw
wammy boys during sex
mello sfw
dating the wammy boys
death note cast kissing you
death note incorrect quotes 2
music headcanons- matt+mello
telling him you’re pregnant
mello nsfw
wammy boys during sex
matt sfw
music headcanons- matt+mello
telling him you’re pregnant
matt nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
teru mikami sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
teru mikami nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
miscellaneous task force members
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
light yagami fucks you while l watches
death note incorrect quotes
death note incorrect quotes 2
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫
gon freecss sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
you pass out during battle- part 2
killua zoldyck sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
you pass out during battle- part 2
kurapika kurta sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
downsides of dating hxh boys- adult trio+Kurapika
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
you pass out during battle- part 2
cuddling with kurapika
kurapika kurta nsfw
aftercare with adult trio+ kurapika
rough sex with kurapika- short
sucking off kurapika while he plays games with his friends
leorio paladiknight sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
Christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
you pass out during battle- part 2
leorio paladiknight nsfw
chrollo lucilfer sfw
what he would do with the death note
downsides of dating hxh boys- adult trio + kurapika
you pass out during battle- adult trio+ feitan
chrollo lucilfer nsfw
aftercare with adult trio+ kurapika
going undercover with chrollo- part one
hisoka morow sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
downsides of dating hxh boys- adult trio+Kurapika
christmas with hxh and death note- character x character
you pass out during battle- adult trio+ feitan
hisoka morow nsfw
aftercare with adult trio+ kurapika
bondage with hisoka- short
hisoka eats you out
illumi zoldyck sfw
what he would do with the death note
hxh incorrect quotes
hxh incorrect quotes 2
downsides of dating hxh boys- adult trio + kurapika
christmas with hxh and death note - character x character
you pass out during battle- adult trio+ feitan
them with an s/o that is more powerful than them
illumi zoldyck nsfw
aftercare with adult trio+ kurapika
bondage/overstim with illumi
feitan portor sfw
you pass out during battle- adult trio+ feitan
feitan portor nsfw
miscellaneous phantom troupe characters
hxh incorrect quotes
christmas with hxh and death note - character x character
˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ 𝐬𝐤𝟖 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲
reki kyan sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
reki kyan nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
langa hasegawa sfw
langa bf headcanons
langa hasegawa nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
miya chinen sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
cherry blossom sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
cherry blossom nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
joe sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
joe nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
🌿*♡∞:｡.｡ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬
robin (Dick Grayson), teen titans sfw
them with an s/o stronger than them
zuko, atla sfw
them with an s/o stronger than them
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐮𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐫
sebastian michaelis sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
sebastian michaelis nsfw
business sex with sebastian
ciel phantomhive sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
elizabeth ethel sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
grell sutcliff sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
the undertaker sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
the undertaker nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
prince soma sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
agni sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
agni nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
claude faustus sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
claude faustus nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
mey-rin sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
bardroy sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
bardroy nsfw
check other parts of masterlist!
finnian sfw
check other parts of masterlist!
miscellaneous black butler characters in various works
business sex with sebastian- mey-rin, bardroy, finnian, ciel
jujutsu kaisen, ohshc, and chainsaw man may be found in other parts of the masterlist:))
#anime#hxh headcanons#hxh memes#chrollo x reader#hunter x hunter#hisoka x reader#l lawliet#sk8 the infinity hcs#death note headcanons#light yagami x reader#illumi x reader#sk8 fanfic#black butler#kuroshitsuji smut#kuroshitsuji x reader#misa death note#masterlist#sebastian michaelis x reader#hisoka headcanons#illumi headcanons#chrollo x reader smut
521 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Sine! I find myself in possession of a very long plot (not going to count how many of those are in my inventory), and was hoping you'd share what program(s) you use for yours? I'm the sort who'd use a murder-wall with notecards but I don't have space rn. I *should* use tagging systems but all the ones available are so sketchy and unreliable that I lose focus just typing. Also I tried to search but. This is tumbs. Thanks - Shusu
Oh boy, this question was made for me!
The first novel-length story I wrote, I wrote in TextEdit. All 90,000 words of it. I basically just made a list of the scenes I wanted in the order I wanted them in, started typing the story above the list, and deleted every scene from the list when I had written it. I don't recommend this.
These days, I use Scapple and Scrivener. I have much more detail below. I am sure I have talked about them before but, as you say, Tumblr is hard to search.
Different things will work for different people, and I don't always start this way, but sometimes, while I'm still trying to rough out an idea, I start with a mind mapping program. You know that brainstorming technique that you learned in, like, third grade, where you take a piece of paper and you write down the main idea in the center in a bubble and then branch lines out from those with more bubbles containing related ideas, and then branch things out from those, and so on? You can get programs to do that instead of a big piece of paper, and the advantage to doing this on a computer is that your piece of paper can be infinitely large and you won't ever run out of space.
I will sometimes skip this step if I already know what order things are going to happen in (in that case, I just make an outline), but if it's the kind of unformed idea where I just want to write down everything that happens as I think of it so I won't forget it later, then I use a mind map.
I also use it to write down bits of dialogue as I think of them; the program I use lets me change fonts and colors and so on, so I have color-coded my dialogue by character:
I feel like I have probably posted this before but Tumblr is not letting me search. Also, this is probably not how you're supposed to use this, judging by how it exports data, but whatever.
There are a variety of programs that can help you make mind maps, and I'm sure a lot of them are good. The one I use is Scapple, which I like for a few reasons: it's very easy to use (you type something in, and then to connect two bubbles you drag one on top of the other) in a way that gives you a lot of freedom; it's not a subscription model like a lot of apps are (you buy it, you pay once, you can use it forever, and it costs about $20); and mostly, it's made by the developer of the writing program I use (Scrivener), meaning that the two programs integrate very well.
So then there's Scrivener.
Scrivener is probably the absolute most useful software I have ever owned; I have bought it four times now. (All three desktop versions and then the iOS version.) It is a word processor that is designed to help you structure and write novels. There are similar programs for free or at least cheaper, of course, but this is the one I use. (It also isn't a subscription; you just buy it.)
The downside is that it's a very complex program. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can look a little daunting. It's one of those programs that has hundreds of features and you will only use about fifty percent of them, but everyone uses a different fifty percent, so there's something for everyone. (It can generate character names! There's a feature on the Mac version where it can highlight words by part of speech! You can change all the icons! The LaTeX export is pretty decent!)
Honestly, as long as you can figure out how to make scenes, rearrange scenes, edit synopses, and get your work out of the program, you're good to go; that's probably what you'll be doing most of the time.
Scrivener is basically designed around the murder-wall-of-notecards writing approach. A Scrivener project contains your Draft, which can have a bunch of folders in it (chapters) which can have individual documents (scenes). Each scene has an index card associated with it, and each index card is where you can write a synopsis for each scene.
You can view your story as single scenes or as a whole story (optionally with a window showing the synopses, so you can remember what you thought was going to happen while you are writing; I have shown this above) or you can just view the synopses as an outline or as index cards, like so:
There's your murder wall right there.
Rearranging the index cards also rearranges the scenes. (Rearranging the scenes using the list in the sidebar also rearranges the scenes.) So if you want to swap scenes around, you can do that. If you want to write the end first, you can do that. If you want to add three more scenes in the middle, you can do that.
You can also search your whole project, color code the index cards, tag them however you want with keywords (e.g., a keyword for every character who appears in the scene) and then look at everything you've tagged with particular keywords, notate scenes by whether they're done or not, and basically everything else you can think of. Mostly I have used this to color code scenes by POV so I can keep track of who's talking; I could also have used keywords.
So my first move when I start a project in Scrivener is to make a bunch of blank documents for all the scenes I think I will have, give them some kind of meaningful title, start writing down on the notecards things that will happen in each scene, and then move them around. This is where Scapple comes in handy -- both because I already have an idea from making a mind map in Scapple of what scenes I want, and also because the integration between Scapple and Scrivener makes it really, really easy to get started.
How do Scapple and Scrivener integrate, you ask? If you make a mind map in Scapple, you can drag and drop it into Scrivener and it will automatically make one scene for every bubble you have, and the text of each bubble will be on the notecard, so you can basically start with all of your scenes that you already have made in Scapple and then reorder them as you like.
Scrivener projects also have a Research section, where you can store basically anything related to what you're working on; you can set it to show your draft and your research at the same time. Basically anything can go in here. Mine usually have notes, more notes, character information, lines I cut but wanted to save somewhere (there is also a versioning system built in if you prefer that), comics panels, reference pictures, and entire webpages. This way, you'll never have to figure out what you did with that thing you looked up for your story, because you can keep it right there with your story.
Scrivener costs $60, which is kind of a lot, but there are very often coupons for 50% off from online software retailers (I just saw one on Boing Boing a couple days ago that still works as of the time I am answering this; I can vouch that they are a legit retailer). Also if you know anyone who has won NaNoWriMo, they get a Scrivener coupon as part of their winnings, and some people don't use theirs. It has a thirty-day free trial period (IIRC that's 30 days of use, not 30 calendar days) so you can try it and see if it works for you.
I also made a Compile Format for Scrivener 3 -- the current version -- so I can export HTML suitable for AO3 or Dreamwidth in one click. Scrivener can export your work in basically any format you can think of, but the default HTML exports all have too much stuff in them for my liking.
(Scrivener also has a bunch of preset templates for various kinds of writing -- like, there's a Novel template with room for character sheets and settings and all of that. You can make your own template, too. I actually made my own template for writing fanfiction for AO3. I'm not sharing this one because it is so personalized to me that it wouldn't be useful -- but, for example, I already know that I'm going to want a document in my Research section where I list notes about canon, and one where I list what bits I need to edit, and one where I copy in any conversations I've had with beta readers that I might want to refer to, and one where I list the things that will be in the AO3 header (it contains empty spaces for Title, Fandom, Tags, Summary, etc) so I can now always start with that. You can make a template yourself by opening a new project, setting it up exactly the way you like with the Research documents exactly the way you want, and then doing File > Save as Template. It will copy everything including any text that's in there so you want to use something that doesn't already have any story or research content written in it because then that will get copied. But it's a real timesaver.)
Anyway. Scrivener is the best.
52 notes
·
View notes
Text
im probably posting too much about my OC's but its all i can think about rn lol, anyways, Mitchell Elliot, Hypnos!
"Could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here"
"Dude, it's 4pm, you should be awake anyways"
"Not according to my tired body,"
--------------------------------------
Meet Hypnos / Mitchell Elliot!
I named him Hypnos, after the god of sleep! Since his powers involve being able to calm people down and making them sleep, downside of this is that he's always tired (he needs to down a ton of coffee just to feel normal lol)
Since hes tired all the time, hes usually just at the hero base, he works at the infirmary (med place? dunno what its called), he helps by calming people down, or putting them to sleep when needed (ex. they're in immense pain, maybe surgery if it works like that, etc.). He rarely goes to battle, only going if it needs to end with no one getting hurt, like if a citizen was being mind controlled, someone's powers going haywire, a villain super close to a redemption, Jinx being a little fuck, or maybe a lot of people are panicking and they need to chill.
Yeaaahh, his costume is like pajama's, to be fair, he doesn't go on battle much, so he's fine. Also, he pissed off the tailor cause he kept falling asleep.
Hes about 20 years old (18 when he joined), uses he/they, and he's also albino! So he has white hair and light skin, he's also easily sunburned, and pretty sensitive to light, so he usually has sunglasses, and uses sunscreen and wears long sleeve shirts, and long pants
He also has pretty bad eyesight, so he usually has glasses (he isn't wearing them here since he just woke up), he doesn't wear contact lenses since he knows he can fall asleep at any time, and it isn't advisable to do that!
Mitchell was an accident child, so yeah, his parents were business owners, and they didn't have time for him, so he was usually left at home, or with a babysitter, Mitchell also didn't do well at elementary school, since he sleeps a lot, high school was a lot more accommodating since usually, high school is when their powers show up, so teachers there are trained to be more accommodating, (they also have a lot of teachers there and trainers, so students can get help almost 24/7)
Also, the backstory for Mitchell getting into the heroes is that one time, Mitchell's powers were flaring up, and everyone around him fell asleep, and the heroes got there, solved the issue, and saw Mitchells potential, and Mitchell joined them (which is pretty good, since most likely, Mitchell probably wont be able to get a job since he's always tired or falling asleep,)
Mitchells hair is pretty messy and fluffy, since he doesn't get much time to take care of himself
His plush bunny is named Pluff, he would love to have a real pet bunny, but he knows he wont be able to take care of it, he also gave Adrian the teddy bear in Adrians room!
hes Aro/Ace, his only love is the bed /j, he is Aro/ace tho.
Have trouble sleeping? Go to Hypnos! Have trouble calming down / need some comfort? Go to Hypnos!
Mitchell's room is really fluffy, with fluffy carpet, fluffy bed, fluffy plushies, etc.etc.
Mitchell can see the future a bit, kinda like, he can see the future in his dreams, but his dreams are a bit foggy,
He keeps in touch with his parents, he doesn't resent them or anything, nor does he feel anything to them anyway,
He isnt really a sidekick, since he usually works at the infirmary of the hero base, but if does go out, he's just partnered up with some other hero on the mission, a strong hero at best, since he's pretty vulnerable
Mitchell can sometimes come off as mean, he's just too tired to lie
For some reason, my thoughts want him to swear, i don't know why, like, the quote i was gonna make for him was like "Can yall shut the fuck up, I'm trying to sleep here" like, maybe calm down asdkjhk
Dream catcher because yes dreams, (it was a gift to him from one of his fellow heroes)
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
21, 43, 48 🥰❤️
- @missyedits
thanks for the questions missy!!
21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate
hmm can't say there is one that I hate tbh,, my wardrobe is a mix of multiple styles hehe,, right now I really like block dark colours so I suppose what I like the least is pattern/prints atm but then again I used to wear them a lot
43. do you enjoy big groups?
yes!!!!! I prefer them because I love seeing the relationships between members. the only downside is working out who everyone is lol.
48. how many drafts do you have?
I just deleted some this morning but rn I have around 9 :)
random asks!
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Girl I swear people have the worst timing. The other day I was so horny and worked, and the house was empty so I could edge all day, but people just kept calling me and it ruined the mood, so today I am extra horny
i felt that bc everyone’s home rn 😭 this is the only downside ab weekends
1 note
·
View note
Text
do not have the focus rn to write the whole post in a satisfying way, but know that if i was in dragon age they would try to put me in a circle and make me tranquil, bc of my Symptoms and Behaviors. but that making me tranquil would not work out the way they want, bc
1) it wouldnt even do that much about my symptoms and behaviors, bc many of them have little to nothing to do with emotions
1b) it wouldnt even severely impede me, bc i have decades of experience functioning through extreme depressive episodes, dissociative states, executive functioning problems, etc and i have been in extremely bad and toxic and punishing environments without chance of escape before and if it didnt make me compromise my principles then, neither would the tower
1c) if anything, and i am speaking from experience with my own altered states here, being unable to feel shame or fear or sorrow, would consequently dramatically reduce my capacity for things like hesitation and doubt, which are fueled partially by emotions but which are not quite emotions themselves. this would actually reduce my impulse control a lot, with only stuff like the fact that anger and annoyance and restlessness and excitement and giddiness and bloodlust not being there either to help balance it out.
2) the fact that ‘everyone knows’ the tranquil are ‘incapable of using magic’ and ‘basically just soulless automatons’ would be possibly the most effective shield ever. their own brainrot from their own ingrained propaganda would make them blind to my schemes
2b) see the fact that people commonly think the tranquil cannot feel pain despite being outright told, by tranquil, that they can
2c) or the fact that mages can be made tranquil for using, or being suspected of using, blood magic. obviously some of these mages get killed rather than made tranquil, but mages can and do get killed over anything and everything regardless of the reason. if it was commonly realized that tranquil mages can use blood magic, it wouldnt be used in these cases and they would all be killed instead.
2cii) yes, tranquil mages can use blood magic. this should be obvious to anyone who thinks about it for a second, but apparently its not.
2ciib) tranquil can also use runes btw. obviously. if those needed a connection to the fade to use then dwarves would not have invented them or be able to use them.
2ciic) i also think dwarves could probably use blood magic if they had the chance to learn. possibly there is a subsection of the dwarven population that would be equivalent to mages, and they could do it but not the others, but nobody knows exactly because this kind of stuff just isnt being explored yet.
2ciid) i also think that across all species ability to use magic is more of a spectrum than a solid yes/no and there probably a lot of people whose capacity for magic falls below the flashier threshold of what most of southern thedas seems to think of as ‘mage’ or manifests in a different way. this includes the people who get approved to become templars because there apparently is some kind of innate trait they look for in the people they are willing to train to use templar abilities, which are definitely a form of magic.
2d) aside from the sheer stigma, the biggest practical downside of blood magic is that it can dampen the casters connection to the fade, making their ability to use the normal sort of magic weaker or less reliable. for someone whose connection to the fade is already shut down, this is a nonissue.
2dii) the second biggest issue with blood magic is the need to draw on a source, typically either the caster themself or other living beings. personally, i dont think theres any real ethical problem with using yourself for blood magic, and the problem of using others is far less pressing when you have, say, a bunch of templars around to drain instead.
3) they literally have books you can learn blood magic from without ever needing to talk to a denizen of the fade. the tower top brass put those books in their own fucking library. as a plant to get unwary mages.
3b) i am excellent at learning from books.
3c) if pressed about why i am reading a book about blood magic, i can answer that theres no reason for me not to. now that i ‘cant use magic’, theres no danger in me learning the theory. knowledge is valuable for its own sake.
3cii) this has the benefit of being mostly true, even. and not feeling smugness or excitement or anger means i would be more easily able to say things with a straight face and not have roiling emotions give me away.
4) if i were a tranquil who could do blood magic and i saw a templar menacing a mage in an otherwise-empty corner of a tower i would puppet that asshole over to the stairs and make them trip themself down it so their death looked like an accident
4b) and then when the mage looked at me like something other than a piece of creepy walking furniture for the first time in maybe years i would simply say “youre welcome. also, neither of us were here, and no one will ever believe you” and calmly walk away
#this last part would admittedly be an asshole move#but making someone question their perception of the tranquil would be a favorable outcome and also even when in severely#apathetic/depressed/dissociated states getting reactions from people remains relatively high on my priority list i know this about myself#what is my endgame here? bide my time learning blood magic and doing what i can to take it down from the inside until the day comes#that either the circle is rocked by rebellion or i think i am actually going to be killed or a large enough group of non-templar circle#denizens is going to be killed or otherwise made to suffer in a way exceptional even for circle standards at which point i will unleash the#absolute most havoc and destruction i can upon the templars and the physical boundaries of the tower itself#which if i have been slurping the gurt of every available ounce of suffering and shed blood the tower environment produces (A Lot) to build#power would be probably a pretty decent showing. and then shoo everyone away from the tower and encourage them to find their freedom#i figure eventually possession would be on the table and then afterwards there are numerous ways to stop being possessed if i decided#not to be tranquil anymore by then. putting back on the fetters of negative emotions etc etc#and if at any point any if this fails to work out in a way that turns out to be unrecoverably too much? theres always the ultimate back up#plan which is to alivent but this post is for being flippant and hubristic bc im built different so shhh
0 notes
Text
The Sunrise and Your Sins | Chapter 2 (NSFW)
!!!! Link to Chapter 1 !!!!
AAAHHH thank you to everyone who read my first chapter!!! I’m sorry for the super long delay on chapter 2, I’ve been recovering from a car accident so this fanfic kind of lost it’s priority bc I’ve been in pain lol. But I’m feeling better now so new chapters should be coming out faster!
From this chapter forward, there will be explicit sexual content meant for audiences 18+ so minors please do not engage! or engage and just don’t tell me idk
All links to car visuals and playlists and art and tags and all that jazz can be found in chapter 1 :)
Word Count: 14k
New Tags: consensual sex, oral sex(giving and receiving), brat and dom, choking, breeding kink, face sitting
‘You free this weekend?’ you read the text off of your phone. You groggily glance at the time, which read 3:33 AM.
‘Depends.’ you respond back to Kuroo. Two and a half weeks had passed since the last job he worked, meaning it had been two and half weeks since you had seen him and discussed your suspicions about your father.
‘Friend of mine is throwing a party. Karasuno Killers are gonna be there.’ Kuroo replies. Your pulse quickens, remembering the conversation you and Kuroo had about your brother and his racing team.
‘I’ll be there.’ you pause before hitting send, questioning if the action you were tempted to make was a good idea. ‘Are you free rn?’ you type, pressing send and locking your phone, setting it down next to you as you stared up at the ceiling. Your heart raced at even the thought of Kuroo, of the idea of being in his presence alone again.
Your phone lit up seconds later. ‘Be there in 15.’ You can feel yourself blushing, and you can’t stop the grin that spread across your face.
You practically jump out of bed, changing into something casual. A flash of red catches your eye, and you grab Kuroo’s jacket, draping it over your shoulders. You sit back down in bed, impatiently waiting for Kuroo to text you.
After what felt like an eternity, you finally got a text from him. ‘Here princess.’ You smirk at the use of the nickname, you were starting to get used to hearing him call you princess, and you couldn’t deny the fact that you liked it.
Moving quietly through the house, you quickly peer over to your father’s office to see if the lights were on. Long work nights were common with him, the only downside being that the computer with access to the security cameras was in that office. Lucky for you, he seemed to be asleep upstairs, so that was one less thing to worry about.
“Hey there.” Kuroo’s deep voice practically echoed through the quiet night, and you quickly shush him as you lock the front door. He laughs, holding the car door open for you. He shuts it behind you and goes around to his side, climbing in and starting the car.
“So, where to?” He asks, turning to you, his elbow resting against the center console, a huge grin spread across his face.
“Anywhere.” You say, anxious to get away from your house, away from your father. It gave you chills thinking about your brother and the connections that were beginning to form, with your father only a few feet away at times. You tried your hardest to act as normal as possible around him, but you knew that eventually he would catch on to your sudden change in behavior.
“Are you hungry?” Kuroo asks, pulling out his phone and unlocking it. You take a peek at his lock screen, and see a photo of a black cat staring back at you.
You shrug. “I could eat.” You say, causing Kuroo to chuckle.
“I know the perfect place.” He says, calling someone. “Hey Haiba, you guys still open?” He pauses as the person named Haiba responds. “Perfect. I’ll be there in 20. Save a table for two.” He pauses yet again. “No you ass, not for Kenma. I’m bringing a girl.” He says, hanging up the phone.
You laugh at the interaction between them, looking over at Kuroo as he pulls out of the driveway and through the neighborhood. Kuroo glances over at you, smirking when he realizes you were already looking. You quickly look away, staring ahead intensely.
“You look cute in my jacket.” He says.
“Does that mean I get to keep it?” You ask playfully, smiling sweetly at him. He laughs, a big grin on his face.
“I’ll tell you what. You can keep it, but I will need to borrow it from time to time for races. Fair?” He says, holding a hand out for you to shake as he keeps the other on the wheel.
“Sounds good to me.” You say, grabbing his hand and shaking it. Your fingers graze over the callouses and scars on his knuckles, and you turn his hand over to examine them.
“Just some work related injuries.” He jokes, squeezing your hand.
“These are from working for my dad?” You ask, your voice quiet, almost out of shame.
“Yeah.” He responds. You couldn’t hide the painful expression on your face and Kuroo quickly took notice of it. “Nothing to worry about though, princess. I’m tougher than I look, I promise.” He says, winking. Kuroo brings your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss, making your heart skip a beat and your cheeks glow red.
He lets go of your hand to switch gears as you enter the city. There are no shops that appear to be open and no one on the street. Kuroo slows down, pulling into a parking lot.
“It doesn’t look like anything’s open.” You state as Kuroo gets out of the car.
“Looks can be deceiving.” He says, shutting his car door. You let yourself out, closing the door behind you and turning towards him. He takes your hand and leads you to a small shop with a sign that reads “Haiba Ramen”. From the outside it had looked as though it was closed, but as soon as Kuroo swung the door open, you realized it was anything but.
There were plenty of people in there, almost all of them wearing racing jackets of different colors, the style similar to Kuroo’s. The smell of ramen was strong and welcoming, your hunger growing as you entered the shop.
“DK!” You hear someone call out. The patrons of the ramen shop all turn their heads to look at the both of you, and you were met by a chorus of greetings.
“Someone’s popular.” You quietly comment to him as he leads you to a table away from the crowds.
“Haiba’s part of Nekoma Crew, part time mechanic, part time ramen shop owner. He’s better at cooking than fixing cars though.” Kuroo motions towards the other patrons in the shop. “These are all racers. The store is closed to the public at 10, but stays open for friends and racers until 5. Me and the team usually have our meetings and get togethers here.”
“Well who else would let you fuckers in this late at night?” A tall guy with silver hair says, placing two waters on the table. Kuroo gets up to greet him.
“We’re eternally grateful Lev.” Kuroo jokes, giving Lev a half hug. Lev rolls his eyes as Kuroo sits back down.
“Hi.” You say shyly, giving a small wave to Lev, who smiled down at you.
“You must be…(y/n).” Lev says holding a hand out for you to shake.
You scrunch your eyebrows together, shaking his hand. “Uh, how do you know my name?” You ask skeptically, curious as to how he already knew you.
“DK won’t stop talking about you at the shop. Sometimes it’s like he can’t shut up about you.” Lev smirks, looking over at Kuroo. You look at Kuroo with a face of fake shock, grinning from ear to ear. You see his ears growing red as he avoids your gaze.
“Your tip is rapidly decreasing the longer this conversation goes on for.” Kuroo says, making you laugh. Lev scoffs, mockingly putting his hands up.
“Alright, alright. I wouldn’t want to third wheel on your date any longer anyways. Now, what would you two love birds like to eat?”
Kuroo sighs, putting his face in his hands in distress. The entire exchange made you laugh, getting to see Kuroo as a normal guy instead of a mob henchman was refreshing. Friends, not colleagues. Race cars, not drugs. Not to mention, it gives you butterflies thinking about the fact he talks about you to his crew.
“Surprise me.” You say, catching Lev’s attention. “Make me whatever you think I’d like. Or whatever you feel like making. I promise I’ll eat anything.” Lev grins brightly, turning towards Kuroo.
“I like her. Don’t screw this up!” Lev calls out to Kuroo as he walks away to the kitchen to start on whatever it was he would choose to serve you.
“So you talk about me, huh?” You say, smirking at Kuroo.
“Maybe.” He says, cheekily grinning at you. “You don’t talk about me to your friends?”
“I...don’t have friends.” You say, shrugging. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t really leave the house much.”
“You don’t have any friends?” Kuroo asks, a puzzled expression on his face.
“Nope.” You say, taking a sip of your water. “I mean, I had friends in high school. But I sort of drifted away from them after graduation and after my brother died.”
Kuroo nods, knowing that your brother’s death was a touchy topic. “Well, you have to have someone to talk to. Someone you consider a friend.” He says, diverting the conversation away from the dark and depressing stuff.
You thought to yourself for a second, trying to think of a person you found yourself spending time with and talking to, or even someone that you enjoy being around. “You.” You answer, smiling at Kuroo. “You’re kinda the only person I ever talk to.”
Kuroo smiles back at you, letting out a small chuckle. “I’m honored, princess.” Kuroo takes your hand in his, planting another gentle kiss on the top of your hand, making you blush.
“Are you usually up this late?” You ask, getting curious about Kuroo and his life away from you and your family.
He shrugs, rubbing small circles along your knuckles. “Some nights, if I have a job or if I’m working on something with Kenma. Tonight I just happened to get a text from a friend about the party this weekend, I thought it’d be a good way for you to get in contact with Karasuno.”
“Who’s party is it?”
“A good friend of mine, Kotarou Bokuto. He’s the leader of Fukurodani Squad, his racing name is Blackjack.” Kuroo answers.
“Is he…” You pause, wondering the best way to ask if Bokuto’s a criminal.
“No.” Kuroo says before you can finish your sentence. “He’s just a racer. Him and his crew are pretty well known internationally, so all his income comes from his shop. He’s...just a really good guy. Not a bad bone in his body.”
“Oh, so you do have normal friends.” You say sarcastically.
“Well, Fukurodani and Karasuno are the normal teams. They don’t do the shady stuff. Seijoh Brawlers and Nekoma Crew are pretty similar, since only me and Oikawa do the jobs. Kenma gets involved every once and awhile, but it's rare. Inarizaki though, they’re literally all drug dealers. Drug dealers who happen to also be racers.” Kuroo explains.
“That would explain why Kita doesn’t have a fancy jacket.” You say, remembering the plain black hoodie he wore the last time you saw him. “So it’s just you, Oikawa, and Kita doing the shady stuff?”
“Yeah, mainly just us. I promise not all racers are big bad guys.” Kuroo jokes to you.
“You’re not a bad guy.” You say, squeezing his hand gently. “You’re just...someone who works for a bad guy. Bad guy adjacent.” You smile at him, knowing that one of the things that held Kuroo back from pursuing anything with you was the fact he saw himself as the villain. The truth was, maybe the both of you were just bad guy adjacent — not necessarily the villains, but stuck being attached to the bad.
Kuroo gives you a sad smile, squeezing your hand back. “I guess that’s better than being the evil genius.” You knew exactly who he was talking about, who the evil genius was in this morbid epic that is your life. The mastermind, the puppeteer, the dark hand behind the curtain. Your father. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was one that you had to, which you and Kuroo both knew. An unspoken acknowledgement of the fact that sooner or later, you would have to face your demons — that regardless of what, or who, they are — Kuroo would be right there beside you.
Your moment with Kuroo was interrupted by Lev, walking out of the kitchen carrying a plate and a bowl. “Bon appetit love birds.” He says, placing a bowl of ramen in front of Kuroo and a plate of chicken wings in front of you.
“Thanks Lev. Put it on the shop’s tab.” Kuroo says, digging into his ramen.
“Thanks Lev.” You say, smiling and picking up a chicken wing. It was still steaming, hot and fresh from the fryer.
“I hope you two enjoy. DK, you gonna be at Blackjack’s party this Saturday?” Lev asks, turning towards Kuroo.
“Yeah, we’ll be there. Do you know who the party’s for?” Kuroo asks, picking up a soft boiled egg from his ramen and eating it.
Lev shrugs, throwing a kitchen towel over his shoulder. “No clue. That guy just throws parties for the hell of it. I’ll see you both there!” He says, walking back towards the kitchen.
You take a bite of the chicken wing, and you instantly understand why Kuroo said he was a great cook. “Holy shit.” You say, looking over at Kuroo.
Kuroo peers over at you with a mouth full of noodles. “I know.” He says, mouth stuffed to the brim. He finishes chewing and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “A guy on my crew named Yamamoto always gets them. Same with Bokuto.”
“It seems like you know everyone in Tokyo.” You say, digging into your big plate of wings. Lev also left you a small bowl of rice as well as a cup of miso soup, which you also began digging into.
Kuroo laughs, picking up more noodles from his bowl. “If they race, I know them.”
“It also seems like everyone knows you.” You say, thinking back to when you first entered the shop, and all the greetings Kuroo was met with.
“Well, everyone kinda does. Y’know a title like Drift King isn’t just given to anyone.” He says, smirking at you. You roll your eyes at his arrogance.
“How lucky am I to be sharing a meal with the great Drift King.” You say jokingly. Kuroo places his chopsticks down, looking across the table at you.
“Is this not a date?” He asks seriously, eyebrows furrowed. You practically choke on your chicken, which you place down on the table. After wiping your hands on a napkin, you look at Kuroo, who was still staring at you intensely.
“Was it supposed to be?” You ask shyly, unsure if the miscommunication was on your end or his.
“Well, I kind of assumed, you asked if I was free. Now we’re eating a meal together. You never really fight it when people talk to us like a couple.” Kuroo says, fidgeting with his spoon that laid in the broth of his ramen.
You pause for a second, thinking over what he just said. You avert his gaze, staring into your miso soup which had begun to settle and separate. “Did you...want this to be a date?” You ask, looking up at him skeptically.
“I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to it being a date.” He answers carefully, but with a tone of confidence. “But, if you don’t want it to be, that’s fine.” He says quickly, trying to avoid a bad mood shift between the two of you.
You pondered again over what he said, and what it would mean for the two of you. Is a relationship the right thing to get into with everything going on? Would it even be appropriate for the two of you to be together?
“This is a date.” You say, your heart pounding away anxiously as you look into Kuroo’s hypnotizing hazel eyes. He grins proudly at you, all feelings of anxiety going away as soon as you confirmed that this was, in fact, a date. “But, it is just a date. It doesn’t mean anything...specific.”
He shrugs, picking his chopsticks up to continue eating. “That’s fair. No worries, princess. I’m in no rush here.”
You smile to yourself, content with the conclusion that you and Kuroo came to. “Thanks. I just don’t think I’m ready for anything serious right now. With everything going on with my dad.” You say, knowing that this was something Kuroo already knew.
“Yeah, I get it. Bigger fish to fry right now. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.” He says, winking at you.
The two of you had continued to eat in silence, occupied with the delicious food in front of you. At one point, Kuroo had placed a small bundle of noodles into a spoon of broth, holding it out for you.
“Aw, for me?” You say, leaning over to take the bite. The ramen was perfect, apparently everything Lev made was incredible.
“What kind of guy doesn’t share his food with his beautiful date?” He says, making you smile.
“I guess that means you deserve a chicken wing.” You say playfully, placing a wing in the empty bowl that once held your miso soup. “You should feel special, I really don’t share my food.”
The two of you had finished your meals in silence, simply enjoying one another’s company. It feels as though this small outing was a break from the reality you both dread — rather than playing detective or operating within a gang, you were just a couple out on a date.
“We better come back here one of these days.” You say, stacking your empty dishes up. You and Kuroo had finished everything, full and happy, now starting to get sleepy. The other racers in the shop had already left, and you could hear Lev cleaning in the kitchen.
“Fine by me. As long as you still consider it a date.” Kuroo says, getting up from his seat and stretching. You get up as well, and Kuroo holds out a hand for you to take, which you do. Walking alongside him with his hand in yours, you grab onto his arm with your other hand, feeling especially affectionate towards him.
“See you later Haiba!” Kuroo calls out as the two of you exit the shop, the cool night air breezing past your face, waking you up.
You let go of Kuroo’s hand to open up your car door, and Kuroo walks around to his side and climbs in. As he turns on the car, the clock reads 5:05 AM.
“It’s pretty late.” You comment, realizing how tired you had gotten. You lay your head against the car seat, turning your head to look at Kuroo.
“Yeah, I know. Do you wanna go home now?” He asks, turning towards you to see your drooping eyelids.
“Hmmm… not just yet. How about you drop me off when the sun comes up?” You ask sleepily.
“Whatever you want princess.” Kuroo says quietly, starting the car. You rest your eyes as Kuroo begins driving off, feeling content as you drift off to the sound of Kuroo switching gears. You never thought that you’d ever be comfortable enough to fall asleep in someone’s car, given how paranoid your brother’s death had made you. But with Kuroo, you were just so at home, so trusting of him. You almost couldn’t believe that before your first job with Kuroo, you just saw him as the hot guy who worked for your dad.
Before you knew it, you were being gently awoken by Kuroo, the sun beginning to peak over the horizon. You didn’t recognize your surroundings, but you weren’t at all worried. There was never anything to worry about if Kuroo was with you.
“Where are we?” You ask, looking around. It appeared as though Kuroo took you to a park, a bit away from the city.
“We had some time to kill, I figured you’d want to see the sunrise.” He says, unbuckling his seat belt and turning to look out to the horizon. You do the same, sitting up in your seat and rubbing the sleep from your eyes.
After a few moments, you recognize the park Kuroo took you to. “When I was younger, my mom would take me and my brother here.” You say, memories coming back to you. You thought it was strange, how everything seemed to be leading back to your brother lately. It almost felt like a sign.
“I used to come here a lot too, with Kenma. Maybe we ran into each other once.” Kuroo says, leaning against the armrest. You gently lay your head against his shoulder, wrapping both of your arms around his.
“What a coincidence that we ended up here.” You say softly, relishing the moment between the two of you. The sun’s rays were barely peeking over the horizon, giving the sky an orange glow. There was a decent amount of overcast, so it gave the sun a softness to it. It was as though the sky was still drowsy, unprepared to make its first appearance for the day.
“No place I’d rather be.” Kuroo says, barely louder than a whisper. He tenderly places a kiss on the top of your head, staying there for a second longer than expected.
You slowly move your head up to look at him, your faces closer than they have ever been before. At this distance, you could really study the features on his beautiful face, the dark bags under his eyes from one too many late nights, the small scar on his cheek that was most likely from a job gone wrong, his dark lashes that framed the striking hazel eyes that now stared directly into your own.
You thought about all the other people that had stared into the same set of eyes you were now gazing into — all the women who knew him intimately, the friends who saw the good in him, the enemies who saw the evil, those whose last moments were spent looking down the barrel of a gun into these hazel eyes. To them, it probably felt like staring into the gates of hell, but for you, it felt like home. Kuroo felt like home.
His lips slowly graze against yours, almost tentative, trying to read the situation as it happens in real time. A simple ask, a gentle whisper of a question against your lips, inquiring if this was okay.
In a surge of confidence, your lips crash against his, urgency in your kiss, borderline desperation. Had you been pining for Kuroo all this time? More importantly, was he?
His hand gently made its way up to your face, as yours snaked behind his neck, pulling him closer. His other hand moved underneath his jacket that you wore, wrapping around your waist. You felt the calluses on his fingertips, rough against the smooth skin of your lower back.
The sun began beaming into the car, bringing the both of you into the light. It felt euphoric, being bathed in morning sun as you kissed Kuroo. Your heart raced in excitement as you felt Kuroo smile against your lips, and you gently sigh as he pulls away to look into your eyes.
He grins at you, his eyes studying every detail of your face. You smile back at him, feeling pure bliss.
“You kinda taste like chicken wings.” Kuroo says, chuckling softly. He gently runs his thumb against your cheek, admiring your face.
You close your eyes, shaking your head at his stupid comment. You laugh, realizing that the goofiness, the silly jokes and banter that you and Kuroo share is the reason why there were never any doubts in your mind with him. Kuroo could make you laugh despite all the darkness in your life, and that is what made you feel the way you felt. Maybe it was love, but maybe it was too soon to tell. Maybe being the girl in the passenger seat was enough for you at this time.
“Well you taste like ramen.” You say, your voice hoarse.
“What a pair we make.” Kuroo says, placing one last tender kiss on your lips.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
“Sweetheart, come here for a moment.” You hear your father call out to you from the hallway. You let yourself into his office, and find Kuroo sitting in the chair in front of his desk.
“What’s going on?” You ask tentatively, sitting next to Kuroo.
“Your dad has some questions. About us.” Kuroo says.
“Us?” You question, looking at Kuroo. He wore a poker face perfectly, staring directly at your father with an unwavering gaze.
“I know you two are getting close. And (y/n), sweetheart, you know I trust you. And Tetsurou, you have earned my trust over the years with your loyalty to this family. I just need to know what exactly is happening with you two.” Your father says.
“We’re friends.” You say quickly, crossing your arms defensively.
“Friends?” Kuroo asks, breaking his cool demeanor to look over at you. Your father raises an eyebrow, looking between you and Kuroo curiously as you try to figure out what this relationship is.
“Maybe more than friends. Someday. Not right this moment. But a strong maybe.” You answer shortly, fumbling over your words.
“I see.” Your father sees, nodding his head. “Are you two...being safe?”
“Dad!” You say, embarrassed by this interrogation.
“Yes, sir. Well, there hasn’t been anything that requires...safety, but when it does — IF! If it does, we will be safe. You have my word.” Kuroo says. You could hear his nerves getting the best of him, and you couldn’t help but find it entertaining how scared he sounds as he practically word vomits to your father.
“Good.” Your father says shortly, awkwardly adjusting in his seat. “Now, for business...I don’t know if I’m okay with (y/n) being seen with you.”
“What?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Our family is a moving target for a lot of people, especially the Nohebi Clan. I don’t know if it’s the best idea for the two of you to be going out in public.”
“I understand, sir.” Kuroo says, in his eyes you could see his disappointment.
“Dad, that’s ridiculous.” You say, getting fed up with the passivity of the conversation. “I’m going to be leading the Sakanoshita family one day. I’m a target no matter what. But no one will take me seriously when I do take over if I’m locked away all the time. People need to know me. They need to know who’s going to be the next King of Tokyo.”
“But you just had your first job. You’re jumping into this too quickly.” Your father argues.
“Keishin had years of training. I’m playing a game of catch up here, and I think the more experience I have, the better. I can’t run an empire from the confines of this house, dad.” Again, playing the dead brother card. It’s a tricky one to play, but it always works.
Your father sighs, folding his hands in front of him. “You sure know how to argue.”
“I learned from the best.” You say, smirking.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” Your father turns toward Kuroo. “You’re getting a promotion. You’re now (y/n)’s bodyguard. She goes somewhere, you follow. If she wants to go somewhere that is potentially dangerous, don’t allow it. And you.” He turns back towards you once more. “You don’t go anywhere without him. You can go out, be social, earn your place here as a Sakanoshita. Let people learn who’s the next King of Tokyo.”
You grin, knowing that you would be able to reach an agreement with your father. “Sounds like a deal. Kuroo and I will be going to a party this Saturday.”
As you proudly saunter out of your father’s office, he calls out a question. “What party?”
“Racer party. Gotta make sure everyone knows the new Sakanoshita boss.” You call out, walking out the door and down the hallway, leaving Kuroo and your father to their business meeting.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
You could hear the party before you could see it, the music blasting so loud it could be heard from down the street. Even this far from the house, there were already cars parked along the side, all shiny and suped up like Kuroo’s. A lot of time had passed since your last real social outing, but you were at ease knowing Kuroo would be there with you.
“Just a fair warning, Bokuto is...very loud.” Kuroo says, slowly driving past all the cars and making his way to the driveway of the house. The house was very modern, with a long driveway leading up to a white home with a balcony in the front, huge windows letting you peek in to see all the people inside. The music continued to grow louder and louder as you drew closer to the house, and the cars got nicer as well. Apparently only the people with fancy cars got the good parking spots.
“How loud are we talking?” You ask Kuroo as he puts the car in park and turns the engine off.
“Like...imagine the exact polar opposite of Kenma. Then make it louder. That’s Bokuto.” Kuroo explains as he gets out of the car. You do the same, walking over to his side and grabbing his hand. The two of you walk up the stairs to the door, and Kuroo swings it open without knocking. And just like that, you were officially at your first street racer party.
“Hey, it’s DK!” You hear someone shout distantly, followed by a chorus of greetings. It was just like the ramen shop, everyone being so quick to greet Kuroo.
“Hey everyone.” Kuroo says loudly, greeting everyone at once. He pulls your hand so you’re standing in front of him, leading the way into the party. Everyone gawks at you as Kuroo places a hand on your waist, coaxing you to walk further into the house.
“Does everyone know you? Should I start getting used to that sort of greeting?” You ask, maneuvering your way through the crowd.
Kuroo laughs, giving your belt loop a tug and pulling you into him, your back crashing into his strong chest. “Eventually people will start saying DK and (y/n).” He says into your ear, kissing you on the cheek. You smirk at his comment, a part of you enjoyed the attention everyone was giving you as Kuroo held you against his body. He really knew every way to feed into your ego, and you really did love it.
“HEY HEY HEY! IS THAT MY BOY DK?!” you hear a loud, chaotic voice say from the kitchen. You and Kuroo turn your heads to find the source, and you see a tall, muscular guy with spiky grey hair grinning at the both of you. You notice the grey bomber jacket he wore, meaning that he was a racer like Kuroo and Oikawa. His appearance was a bit intimidating, and his features were almost...owl-like.
“BOKUTO!” Kuroo yells, letting go of your hand to greet the host of the party. The two tall, well built men embrace in a hug, clapping each other on the back. You stand there, smiling at this new side of Kuroo. You understood what he meant by Bokuto making him feel more normal.
“Good to see you dude! Hey, Lev mentioned you were bringing a girl! Where is she?!” Bokuto asks excitedly, looking around to try and spot you.
“Right here.” You answer, moving to stand next to Kuroo. “I’m (y/n). And I’m assuming you’re the infamous Bokuto?”
Bokuto laughs, throwing his head back. “Infamous, eh? That must mean DK’s been talking about me.”
“I figured I should warn her on what she’d be walking into.” Kuroo says slyly, wrapping an arm around you. You found it endearing how affectionate Kuroo acts with you, making sure to keep you close.
“Glad I didn’t scare ya away.” Bokuto jokes, grinning at you. “Well, DK here is like a brother to me, so by extension that makes you family. Both of you just make yourselves right at home, drink whatever you want and let me know if you need anything. Mi casa es su casa, as Cypher would say. Well, he probably wouldn’t say that, but it’s definitely Spanish.”
You laugh, smiling up at Bokuto. Kuroo was right, he really is just a genuinely nice guy. Bokuto was a refreshing change from the usual dark and scary stuff that you and Kuroo dealt with.
“Say, speaking of Cypher, where is the punk?” Kuroo asks, looking around.
“Upstairs with the rest of the Brawlers. Your guys are out back. Say, you guys want anything to drink?” Bokuto asks, turning to the counter full of liquor.
“None for me. Gotta make sure someone gets home safe.” Kuroo says, squeezing your shoulder.
“Well look at you being all chivalrous!” Bokuto says, playfully punching Kuroo’s arm. “Anything for you, (y/n)?”
“Sure, I’ll drink whatever.” You say, unsure of what to ask for. High school parties were one thing, but what the hell are you supposed to drink at a street racer’s party?
“One mystery drink coming right up.” Bokuto says, turning around. “Akaashi!”
A handsome guy with short dark brown hair turns at the sound of his name. “Can you make a drink for (y/n) pretty please?” Bokuto asks, grinning at him. Akaashi nods, putting his cup down and picking up an empty one for you. He pours some random bottles of liquor and some more random juices into a cup, handing it to you.
“Thanks.” You say, taking the cup. You take a sip, and to your surprise, it wasn’t disgusting.
“Akaashi’s kinda the drink expert. And car expert. He’s kinda good at everything.” Bokuto says, noticing your look of amazement. Akaashi rolls his eyes behind him, but you notice his ears flushing red at Bokuto’s compliment. “I’m gonna go be a good host and do my host thing, but I’ll find you two later!” Bokuto turns away from the both of you, walking towards the crowd of people outside.
“Oh and DK!” Bokuto calls out loudly, making plenty of people turn towards Kuroo. “I’m glad to see you’re finally off the market! No more bachelor’s life for you!”
“Bachelor’s life?” You question, looking up at him skeptically. Prying eyes peered over at the two of you, no doubt trying to sneak a peek at the great DK and the girl that took him off the market.
“Don’t worry about it.” He answers, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact. Of course he was a lady’s man before you, just look at him. But just how many girls were in your place before you got there?
Kuroo takes your hand, leading you upstairs to where Cypher was. The two of you found him lounging on a couch with a bunch of other guys wearing jackets similar to his, talking and laughing with a bottle of expensive looking tequila in his hand.
“Hola amigo.” Kuroo says in a mocking tone, sitting next to Cypher. You sit next to Kuroo, and he puts his arm around you possessively.
“Hola lovers.” Oikawa slurs, lazily placing an arm around Kuroo. “Good to see you didn’t scare princesa away.” He says, nodding to you.
“You’re (y/n).” You hear someone say from the opposite end of the couch. You turn your head to see a guy with tan skin and short spiky brown hair staring at you.
“Uh, yeah.” You say, caught off guard by how many people already knew you. Seriously, how often did Kuroo talk about you?
“Oh, sorry.” He says, appearing to snap himself out of deep thought. “Cypher was telling us about the last job and mentioned you. Just put two and two together. I’m Iwaizumi.” He says, getting up and extending a hand to you. You shake his hand, smiling at him.
“That’s right, I was telling a story! Now, as I was saying…” Oikawa continues on, recounting the events of the job that you accompanied them on, silver tequila sloshing around in the glass bottle as Oikawa wildly gestures with his hands as the story progresses.
“So Sly Fox had the cargo the entire time?” Iwaizumi asks, looking at us skeptically.
“The entire time.” Kuroo says, nodding. “Speaking of the Sly Fox, where is he?”
“Outside with your crew.” a scary looking guy with deep set eyes answers. His hair looked very unique, a bleach blonde buzz cut with two black stripes running around his head.
“Thanks Mad Dog.” Kuroo says, getting up, dragging you with him. “Cypher, let’s go. Got some work talk to do with Sly Fox.” Oikawa clumsily gets up, taking the tequila with him.
The three of you walk down the stairs and out the backdoor, where you immediately see a group of guys sitting around a fire pit, half of them wearing black, and the other half wearing Nekoma bombers.
“Sly Fox!” Kuroo calls out, getting Kita’s attention. He looks up from his rolling tray, blunt in hand. “We got some business to talk about. You too, Snake Eyes.” He says, pointing at Kenma.
Kita nods, looking over at his guys and motioning for them to leave the area. Kuroo does the same, and the Nekoma Crew minus Kenma leave. You, Oikawa, and Kuroo each take a seat around the fire.
“What are we talking about?” Kenma asks, looking over at you and Kuroo. Kita continues to roll, and Oikawa slouches in his seat, taking sips from his bottle.
“Yeah, what are we talking about fellas?!” Bokuto says with a grin on his face, walking up to the group of you and grabbing a seat. You couldn’t help but smile at his behavior, his charisma.
“Work stuff, Bokuto.” Kuroo answers, giving Bokuto a warning look.
“Oh! Got it! Say no more, plausible deniability and all that jazz. You guys let me know if you need me!” He says, getting up immediately and walking away with haste. The entire time the grin on his face never wavered, he didn’t seem the least bit offended by being kicked out of the conversation.
“Bokuto knows the stuff we do, but we keep him out of it. He’s...a bit soft for our line of work. And he knows if he hears anything, he could get in trouble. So, he stays away.” Kita explains, licking his rolling paper and sealing the blunt.
“We got some new intel from the boss.” Kuroo says. Oikawa sits up, paying attention now that the real business talk had started. “We may know who gave the anonymous tip during the last job.”
“Someone we know?” Kenma asks.
Kuroo nods. “Suguru Daishou. Fangs. He’s the lead for the Nohebi Clan.”
“Nohebi?” You ask. Everyone looks over at you. “They used to work for my dad.”
“What happened to them?” Kita asks, lighting his blunt and getting it started.
“Daishou crossed my family, I guess he was trying to make a name for himself by taking on my dad. Didn’t end well.” You say, remembering overhearing your father’s work conversations with Fangs when you were in high school.
“Which would explain the grudge he has, and why he tried to bust us.” Kenma says.
“But how would he know about the move? There were no other cars on the road that night.” Oikawa points out, setting his bottle down.
“That’s the million dollar question. We still don’t know how he knew, but we do know he has eyes on us. Which means you guys and your teams need to be careful, at least until the Daishou problem is sorted out. Sound good?” Kuroo asks, looking at Oikawa and Kita. They both nod, understanding the risk that the Nohebi Clan posed.
“I’ll see what I can find out about Fangs and Nohebi.” Kenma says, which Kuroo nods to.
“Thank you. The more we know, the better.” Kuroo glances at you, meeting your eyes. “Any of you guys know where Karasuno Killers are?” He asks, looking around the group.
“Upstairs living room. You got business with them?” Oikawa asks, looking over at you.
“Something like that.” Kuroo says, taking your hand and standing up. “We’ll catch you guys later.”
“See ya.” You say, giving a half wave with your cup in your hand. You follow behind Kuroo, once again going through the house and up the stairs. You were keenly aware of the eyes that seemed to follow your every move, and you couldn’t help but notice that they were almost entirely female. What, was Kuroo such a hot commodity that you being with him tonight was a headline?
“See that, you pulled the E brake too soon.” You hear someone say from the partially shut door. You and Kuroo had made it to the room that Oikawa said the Karasuno Killers were in.
“You guys watch racing footage at parties?” Kuroo questions, slowly opening the door. Inside, there were three guys sitting on a couch in front of a TV that appeared to be playing a video of a street race.
“Not everyone is blessed with your drifting skills, DK.” One of the guys say, getting up to greet him. He had a warm smile, dark brown eyes, and short brown hair. Him and Kuroo give each other one of those bro hugs, and afterwards he turns to look at you.
“I don’t think we’ve met.” He says, extending his hand to you. “Daichi Sawamura. Mechanic for Karasuno Killers.”
“(y/n) Sakanoshita.” You say, shaking his hand. He raises his eyebrows slightly at surprise, no doubt at the mention of your family name.
“Sakanoshita?” Another guy with a buzzcut and a gruff voice says from behind Daichi.
“As in the King of Tokyo Sakanoshita?!” The third guy says, his voice higher in pitch. He wore his brown hair spiked up, with a single blonde streak right in the middle.
“Please excuse these two dumbasses, they’re not the best socially.” Daichi smiles apologetically, moving to invite you and Kuroo to join them on the couch. Behind you, Kuroo shuts the door.
“You said you’re a Sakanoshita?” The buzzcut one repeats, staring at you intensely.
“Tanaka, chill.” Daichi warns, looking over at him.
“Yeah Tanaka, you’re gonna scare her away.” The guy with the blonde streak jokes, punching Tanaka in the arm.
“Oh shut it, Noya.” Tanaka says, shoving him back. “Sorry. My sister knew someone with that last name.” He says, looking over at you once more.
“You’re Saeko’s brother?” You ask him, getting his attention. He looks surprised, almost a little scared by his sister’s name being mentioned.
“How do you know my sister?” He asks, his voice taking on a threatening tone.
“Yeah, what’s your business with big sis?” Noya asks, eyes darting between you and Kuroo.
“Take it easy, guys. We mean no harm, I swear it on my crew.” Kuroo says in a peaceful tone. Tanaka and Noya lighten up, but continue to stare at you skeptically.
“Keishin Ukai was my brother.” You say, causing the three men from Karasuno to sit straight up, simply from the mention of his name. “I know he dated your sister, and I want to talk to her.”
“No one talks to big sis. Especially not strangers.” Noya says, leaning back against the couch.
“You’re Black Lungs’ sister?” Daichi asks, looking at you with curiosity.
“Yeah. He raced under the name Ukai to get away from my family. And I know about the accident. I’m sorry Tanaka.” You say sincerely, looking at Tanaka. You didn’t know to what extent Saeko was injured, but you assumed that she had to have taken some amount of damage.
Tanaka shrugs, looking away. “It’s all good. Why do you need to talk to my sister?”
“I need to know the truth about my brother. About how he died. And I heard that your sister and my brother were pretty close, I just want to talk to her about him.” You say, nearly begging.
Tanaka sat for a second, thinking of a response. “My sister...she doesn’t talk to many people nowadays. She hasn’t been the same since your brother passed. Black Lung was her soulmate, or whatever.” He says awkwardly, shifting in his seat. “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to put her through reliving that night just for your sake. I really am sorry, (y/n), about your brother. He was a cool dude.”
You sigh, taking a long drink from your cup. You had a feeling it would go like this, but you couldn’t help feeling disappointed by the outcome.
“We think we know the truth about his death.” Kuroo says, making everyone in the room look at him. “We know it wasn’t an accident.” You knew he was taking a risk saying this, telling these guys the suspicions you held. He was gamlbing with the only intel the two of you had.
“What do you mean the truth? His death was a tragic accident and that’s that.” Daichi says in an assertive tone.
“Daichi, it’s okay.” Tanaka says quietly, his eyes not moving from your own. “You two know the truth? Or just theories?” He questions you.
“We...have theories. But I think that talking to your sister will help point us in the right direction. Or maybe even give us exactly what we need to prove our theories.” You say, trying your hardest to convince Tanaka.
Tanaka sighs, looking at the TV, which remained paused on a frame of an orange Mitsubishi. “I don’t know.”
“No one knows you.” Noya points out, getting your attention. “You don’t belong to any crew, I know you’re here with DK but you aren’t officially a part of Nekoma. Everyone knows your dad is a shady dude. And Saeko shouldn’t have to relive Black Lung’s death for a stranger.”
“You’re right.” You say, knowing that everything he was saying was correct. You were a stranger, the idea of a dead street racer’s little sister suddenly coming out of hiding to ask a thousand questions about her brother’s death was far fetched, even for you. “You guys have no reason to trust me, or to let me talk to Saeko. But I’m desperate. I just — I need to know what happened to my brother. I’ll do anything.”
“What do you think Saeko would want? What would she have (y/n) do to prove herself?” Kuroo asks.
“I know exactly what she would want.” Tanaka says, sighing and sitting up. “A race. A memorial for Black Lung. We haven’t had one for a while, but the last time she had one, all the money raised from it went to...a memorial fund. For your brother.”
“A memorial fund? For Keishin?” You question, uncertain why the son of a millionaire needed a memorial fund.
“It goes to Saeko. Helps keep the shop open, and funds her research into what happened to your brother.” Daichi answers.
“So I’m not the only one with theories.” You say, beginning to understand. “I’m assuming it goes to P.I.’s, buying access to private files, stuff like that?”
“We can neither confirm nor deny that.” Noya says in a robotic tone, like it was a line he was taught to say.
“If we do the memorial race, who’s racing?” Kuroo asks, changing the topic.
“Me.” You answer immediately, making everyone look at you in shock. “A Black Lung memorial race, with his little sister making her racing debut. It could be big. Raise a lot of money. I know the type of power my family name has in this city.”
“And it would prove to Saeko that you’re serious about meeting her.” Daichi points out.
“Okay, how about this.” Tanaka says, shifting in his seat once more. “You and me, headline race. If we can get some more racers in on this, then great. If you win, you can meet Saeko. If you don’t, then oh well. At least she’ll get some more funds for her...side project.”
“I can get some more racers in on this.” Kuroo says.
“Perfect. We got a deal, you two?” Daichi asks, looking between you and Tanaka. You nod, sticking your hand out.
“Deal.” Tanaka says, shaking your hand.
“Looks like we got a race to plan.” Daichi says, grinning at Kuroo.
Kuroo smirks, getting up. “I’ll go start recruiting some more racers.”
You follow Kuroo, getting up and heading for the door. “I’ll see you on the road, cue ball.” You say, smirking at Tanaka. You slowly head out, leaving the door cracked open.
“HA! CUE BALL! Get it, cause you’re freakin bald!” Noya yells, cackling with laughter. You chuckle, their conservation fading out as you walk with Kuroo back downstairs.
For about an hour or so, you and Kuroo went around the party, mingling with racers, recruiting them for the Black Lung memorial. You got at least enough people for three more races. So far, the lineup was you vs. Tanaka, Kuroo vs. Bokuto, Iwaizumi vs. Atsumu Miya from Inarizaki, and Oikawa vs. Kita. Kuroo pointed out that there would be a good turnout for the memorial given how many great racers were on the bracket, which made you both nervous and hopeful.
“So, since when do you race?” Kuroo asks you, sitting down on the couch.
“I’m pretty sure I can figure it out.” You say, sitting down next to him, draping your legs over his. “Gas pedal makes car go vroom vroom. Seems simple enough.” You joke to him, making him roll his eyes.
“Sounds like someone needs a teacher.” He says, leaning closer to you.
“Sounds like someone wants to teach me.” You say, closing the gap between the two of you, kissing him.
A buzz from your pocket interrupts you, causing you to pull away from Kuroo and take your phone out.
‘Call me now.’ the text read from your dad. Kuroo saw it over your shoulder, and immediately sat up.
“Dad, is everything okay?” You ask, trying to drown out the sound of the party.
“You need to get out of there, have Kuroo take you somewhere safe. Nohebi is looking for us.” Your dad says in a rushed tone. You hear some shuffling on his end, and your mother’s voice in the distance.
“What? Nohebi knows I’m here?” You ask. Kuroo looks at you with concern, seemingly ready to get up and run at any moment.
“Daishou has eyes everywhere. Don’t come home, your mother and I won’t be here. Tell Kuroo to protect you no matter what.” There’s a brief moment of silence between the two of you. “Your mom and I love you, sweetheart. We’ll see you soon.” Three beeps signal the end of the call.
“We need to go. Nohebi’s coming.” You say, jumping up. Kuroo follows suit.
“I’ll let the guys know.” Kuroo says, beginning to race towards the backyard where Inarizaki, Seijoh, and Nekoma were hanging out.
You follow him out, trailing behind him as he approaches Cypher and Sly Fox. Before you can catch up to him, he’s already heading back towards you, taking your hand and dragging you through the house and out the front door.
“Will everyone be okay?” You ask him, running to the car. You hop in, Kuroo doing the same and turning the car on.
“Between Seijoh, Inarizaki, and Nekoma, they have Nohebi outnumbered three to one. They won’t try anything at a party this crowded. Daishou’s too smart to fight a losing battle.” Kuroo says, immediately racing away from the party, the houses of the neighborhood zooming past your line of sight. “The gangs aren’t the target anyways. We are.”
As if on cue, you see in the rearview mirror three cars pull up to the party, and Daishou climbs out of one of them. He was vaguely familiar, you could barely recall seeing him in your father’s office, but you knew that he would recognize you and Kuroo in a heartbeat.
“We got out just in time.” You say, looking over at Kuroo.
“Barely. We’re not in the clear just yet princess, still need to get somewhere safe.” Kuroo says shortly, continuing to fly down the empty Tokyo streets. “We don’t know if Daishou had eyes on us as we left. And as soon as he realizes we aren’t there, they’re gonna be all over the city looking for us.”
“So where do we go?” You ask him.
Kuroo pauses, staring out at the freeway in front of the two of you. “My safehouse. It’s under a bogus name, in an old neighborhood. They won’t know to look there.”
You nod, sighing and rubbing your eyes. You didn’t feel even the slightest bit tipsy from the drink you had earlier. How did the night go bad so quickly?
“Hey.” Kuroo says gently, reaching over to hold your hand. “Everything will be okay. As soon as we’re at the safehouse, we’ll be in the clear. And I’m sure your mom and dad are somewhere safe as well.”
His reassurance goes a long way, easing your nerves and allowing you to relax a little. There was no use stressing yourself out while you’re stuck in the car, driving to an unknown destination.
After about 50 minutes of silent driving, Kuroo finally pulls off of the freeway and enters an old, run down neighborhood. Everything was quiet, and the streetlights overhead were flickering in the darkness.
“Home sweet home.” Kuroo says, pulling into an alley next to an apartment building. He turns the car off, going to the trunk. You get out as well, watching Kuroo as he drapes a large tarp over the car. A bright red luxury car would definitely stand out in a neighborhood like this.
Kuroo takes your hand and leads you up the apartment complex stairs to a door labeled ‘A402’. With one of the many keys on his keychain, Kuroo unlocks the door, opening it for you.
There wasn’t anything very special about the apartment, it seemed like the type of place a person would crash at for a night or two then leave. A small but functional kitchen, a modestly sized living area with a couch and a TV. As you continue further into the apartment, you see a quaint bathroom with a standing shower, and a bedroom barely big enough to fit a full sized bed.
“There’s some pillows and stuff in the hall closet. And some extra clothes in the bedroom.” Kuroo says, setting his keys on the counter and pulling out his phone. As you reach for a light switch, Kuroo stops you. “Wait, don’t. We shouldn’t make it look like anyone’s home, just in case. At least until I hear back from Kenma.”
Although his paranoia seemed a bit much for you, you knew that it was for a good reason. If the Nohebi Clan was enough of a threat to make your father go into hiding, no precaution was too extreme.
“I’m gonna go change.” You call out to him, grabbing a spare shirt and pair of men’s boxers from the bedroom closet. You gently close the door, beginning to strip off your party outfit and changing into Kuroo’s clothes.
After taking a moment to recollect your thoughts, you decide there was no use worrying about things that were out of your control. Your mother and father, the race that you volunteered for, even the party you just fled from. What was in your control, however, was the bed.
“I’ll put some sheets on the bed.” You shout out to Kuroo once more, grabbing the pillows and sheets from the closet. It felt almost hotel-like, the way everything was pristine and untouched. At least you knew this wasn’t the sort of place Kuroo took other girls.
“Perfect.” You say, fluffing the pillows one last time, then stepping back to admire your work.
“I heard back from Kenma.” Kuroo says, pushing the door open and entering the room. He flops onto the bed, ruining your perfect sheets and collapsing your freshly fluffed pillows.
You sigh in annoyance, closing your eyes to keep your cool. “What did he say?” You ask, sitting next to Kuroo.
“Everything’s all good. Daishou and his guys showed up, asked for us. Oikawa and Kita were waiting for them, so they barely even made it past the front door. Told them we left a while ago, and that they didn’t know where we went.” Kuroo rubs his forehead with his hands, pushing his hair back. In the dim light that radiated from the street lamps outside, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes.
“No one got hurt? Are they still out looking for us?” You ask, your brain going a thousand miles an hour.
“Everyone's fine.” Kuroo says gently, taking your hand. “From what Kenma knows, they gave up looking for us and now they’re trying to find your dad. I think they’re assuming I brought you to them.”
You breathe another sigh of relief. The two of you were finally in the clear, finally safe, at least for tonight. “So we’re okay? At least for now?”
“For now, yes. In the morning Kenma will let me know if we’re all clear to go back to your place. But for right now, we’re safe.” Kuroo says, turning over to face you, wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his head on your thigh.
“We’re safe.” You whisper to yourself, running your fingers through Kuroo’s unruly black hair. The moment of calm being shared between the two of you is disrupted by a loud rumbling from your stomach.
“You hungry?” Kuroo asks, grinning against your leg.
“Maybe.” You say, realizing how hungry you’ve been all night. Is eating at parties still not cool, or was that only a high school thing? You didn’t see anyone else eating at Bokuto’s, so you assume it still wasn’t. Or maybe you were too worried about everyone staring at you to notice if anyone was eating.
“I’ll go grab some stuff at the convenience store.” Kuroo says, getting up and grabbing his jacket. “Onigiri?”
“And some ramen please.” You request politely, smiling sweetly at him. “Be careful.”
“Always am, princess.” He says, leaning down to plant a kiss on your lips.
Kuroo exits the room and you hear the front door shut and lock. You found yourself in a silent, dark apartment, alone.
‘Might as well see if the TV works.’ you think to yourself, getting up and walking to the living room and plopping down on the couch. Just like the bed, it felt brand new, as if you were the first person to sit on it.
After flicking the TV on, you mindlessly scroll through channels, trying to find something to occupy your mind. It felt wrong, how everything was so dangerous and scary tonight, but all that you could think of was that one thing Bokuto said. ‘No more bachelor’s life for you!’ What does that even mean?
Grabbing your phone, you realize that you really had no one to talk to. Normal girls would text their best friend, or even just a regular friend when they want to talk about boy problems. Normal girls, with normal friends and safe lives. Maybe Kuroo really is the only person you talk to.
You scroll through your recent messages, trying to find anyone to talk to. Dad — no. For obvious reasons. Mom — maybe on a regular day, but not right now. Kuroo — big no, for even more obvious reasons. Dentist — yeah, if you were really that desperate.
“I guess I could talk to myself.” You mutter out loud. After a moment of lonesome silence, you sigh. “Yeah, no. I’m not that crazy.”
What kind of bachelor’s life was Kuroo living before you came along, before that early morning watching the sunrise? You always assumed he was the no strings attached sort of guy, considering the type of work he does. But then again, the only times you ever saw him was when he was working. Maybe the Kuroo you knew was just one side, the professional side. Of course he let his guard down around you, joking and flirting when you were alone. It had been that way for as long as you could remember, since Kuroo started working for your dad. But maybe that was just another side, the side for girls he was interested in. Maybe you weren’t the only one who got to see that side. You saw two out of however many sides he has — the flirt and the henchman. Maybe you didn’t know him at all.
The sound of the front door creaking open draws you out of your thoughts, and you look up to see Kuroo with a convenience store bag filled with food.
“I wasn’t sure which onigiri you’d want, so I got one of each.” He says, plopping a bag filled with various onigiris onto the living room table. “And I got two ramens, spicy and regular. I’ll take whichever one you don’t want.”
“Spicy please.” You say, chuckling at how much food Kuroo got for just the two of you. Kuroo shrugs his jacket off, leaving it on the couch. Grabbing the bag with the ramen, he walks into the kitchen, flicking the lights on.
“One spicy ramen coming right up.” He says, pulling a pot out of the cupboard. You grab a salmon onigiri from the bag in front of you, unwrapping it and taking a bite.
“How often do you use this place?” You ask, watching Kuroo as he fills the pot with water and puts it on the stove.
“Once in a blue moon, really. If a job goes wrong and I need a place to lay low, I stay here. Or if I need a place to crash and don’t feel like driving home.” He answers.
“Where do you live, anyways?”
“Close by the Nekoma shop, same building as Kenma. We talked about being roommates for a while, but we agreed we’d probably start hating one another.” Kuroo chuckles to himself, walking back to the living room to grab an onigiri for himself.
“So it’s just you?” You ask, trying to steer the conversation in your favor.
“Me and Yoruichi.”
“Yoruichi?” You ask, feeling like you knew the name from somewhere. Maybe an old anime?
“My cat.” He says, grinning. “I found her on a job, actually. She kept following me around and just jumped into my car when I wasn’t looking.”
“Sounds like a pretty good life.” You say, trying your hardest to be subtle. “A bachelor’s life.” Okay, not so subtle.
“I knew you were still thinking about that.” Kuroo says, laughing. “You know you can just ask me stuff. No need to try and jump over hurdles trying to talk to me.”
“I’m not really good at this.” You admit. “You know...talking. Being open. Relationship stuff.”
“Relationship, huh?” Kuroo asks, turning to you and smirking. The pot of water behind him was at a rolling boil, letting steam into the kitchen.
You roll your eyes, your cheeks were definitely blushing but you hope that Kuroo couldn’t see it in the dim light. “Whatever this is.” You say quietly, knowing that a real label was the last thing either of you were thinking of with all the things you both were dealing with.
“Like I said, ask me anything.” Kuroo says, his back turned to you as he stirred the ramen.
“What did Bokuto mean by ‘a bachelor’s life’?” You ask, getting up to join Kuroo in the kitchen. You lean against the counter opposite the stove, staring at Kuroo’s muscular back.
“I was...definitely a bachelor. For a while.” Kuroo says, back still turned to you.
“Like...you had…” you say, trailing off. You were torn between saying “hoes” or “bitches”.
“I had...some girls that I spent time with. Nothing serious, though. I always made sure to keep things casual.” The conversation felt tense, slowly but surely growing more and more awkward as more details were being revealed.
“I don’t really care about how many there were.” You say quickly, reassuring Kuroo and clearing some of the tension. “I don’t care who they are either. But is there anyone I should be worried about? It felt like everyone was staring at me at the party.” The memory of all the girls at the party staring at you curiously was persisting in your mind.
“No one to worry about, really. None of them seem like the type to backstab, especially considering soon everyone will know you’re a Sakanoshita.” Kuroo says slyly, referring to the upcoming race in memory of your brother. You knew that as soon as everyone learned of your family, your sense of anonymity in Kuroo’s world would be gone.
“I have one more question.” You say, moving to stand next to the stove, nearly in front of Kuroo. “If those girls were nothing, and you usually keep things casual, what are we?”
Kuroo pauses, thinking for a moment before setting down his chopsticks and turning the heat to a simmer. Turning to you, he places his hands on either side of the counter next to you, trapping you underneath him. Your heart raced as you felt your breath catch in your throat, caught off guard by Kuroo’s sudden closeness to you.
“I’m whatever you want me to be.” He says, barely louder than a whisper, his lips hovering over yours.
“You’re mine.” You say, your gaze bouncing from his eyes to his lips. Kuroo moves closer to you, his body pressing against yours.
“I’m yours.” He responds, wrapping one of his arms around your waist.
“Kuroo…” You whisper, lips grazing his. He reaches next to you, turning the stove off. In an instant, his lips crash against yours. You wrap your arms around his neck, desperate for more — more contact, more kisses, more Kuroo. The entire night Kuroo kept you close to him, never leaving your side at the party, always making sure to let his kisses linger a few seconds longer than normal. All the pent up tension was finally being released, the adrenaline rush that came with all the drama from tonight only fueled the boldness of yours and Kuroo’s actions.
You grind your hips against him, making him groan. You were very aware of two things; his growing member, hard against your body, and the sudden wetness between your legs.
You gently push against Kuroo, freeing yourself from underneath him. His lips stay attached to yours, refusing to break the seal the two of you made. In one swift motion, you release from his grasp, and without looking back, you calmly walk to the bedroom, leaving Kuroo standing in the kitchen alone, pining for more.
“Are you coming or not? Make sure you turn off the stove.” You call behind you, toying with Kuroo. You grin to yourself, knowing that you were just as irresistible to him as he was to you.
You open the bedroom door, behind you Kuroo’s footsteps grew closer and closer. Suddenly, you feel his arms around your waist again, and in an instant Kuroo is in front of you grabbing you by the throat, moving you so your back is against the door, pushing you backwards to shut it.
“Such a pretty princess.” Kuroo says, closing the gap between you two. You felt your heart rate quickening, being trapped under Kuroo’s touch like this. A light moan escapes your lips, this dominant side of Kuroo makes you want him even more. His hand wrapped around your throat, his hard cock against your leg, the whole room felt electrified.
“Kuroo please.” You whisper, eager for more.
“You want me?” Kuroo asks, his lips barely touching yours. He wraps his other arm around you, grabbing your ass and pulling you against his body. The only thing that stopped the two of you from being directly pressed against one another was his hand around your throat.
“Yes.” You answer breathlessly, moving your head forward, your lips colliding with his. Kuroo breathes heavily, removing his hand from your throat and moving to grab your ass. Almost by instinct, you give a light jump, wrapping your legs around Kuroo’s waist, his hands supporting you and keeping you from falling.
Kuroo moves backwards until his legs hit the bed, then he slowly sits and reclines backwards, careful not to drop you or break the kiss. He maintains a firm grip on your ass as you straddle him grinding your hips against his, yearning for more friction between the bulge being held back by his jeans and your throbbing pussy.
His fingers gently graze at the bottom of your shirt, tugging it upwards. You take the hint, sitting up and removing your top effortlessly. Kuroo does the same, sitting up slightly and lifting his shirt over his head. In the dim glow of the street light from outside, you could just barely make out the dragon tattoo on that stretched from his neck down his arm.
“Take these off.” Kuroo says, rubbing your thighs.
“What’s the magic word?” You tease.
“Now.” He says, reaching for your neck, forcefully pulling you down to look him in the eyes. You smirk, relishing in the fact you were able to see this side of Kuroo. There was no fear within you as he tightened his grip around your throat, only more and more arousal at the sight of the great Drift King grasping for control.
Gently, you take hold of his wrist, making him let go of your neck. After placing a small kiss on his thumb, you get up, unbuttoning your pants. Kuroo’s eyes never left you, he was hypnotized, his hand rubbing his hardened crotch. He almost looked as if he was stuck in a trance, watching you undress before him, as if you were something out of a magazine that had come to life right before his eyes.
Reaching behind you, you unclip your bra, letting it fall to the floor, your nipples already rock hard. Kuroo lets out a small “fuck”, watching you in amazement. You turn to look at him, feeling no need to cover your nude body, no need to hide from him. You want him to see you, it turns you on watching him touch himself as he stares at you with lust in his eyes. At this moment, you wanted nothing more than to climb into that bed with him and fuck all night long.
You take a few steps closer to him, bending down and reaching for his pants, smirking as you hear his breath catch in his throat. Kuroo moves his hands away, hoisting himself up on his elbows to watch you. After unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, he moves slightly to allow you to remove his pants — and to his surprise — his underwear as well.
If there was a god out there, you were certain that they personally blessed Tetsurou Kuroo with a gorgeous penis. Standing perfectly erect in front of you, you stop for a moment to simply take it all in. The size, the girth, the slight lean to the left, the vein popping out in excitement, the droplets of precum gathering on the head. At just the mere sight of his cock, you felt a fire light inside of you, eager to pleasure him.
“You just gonna sit and stare all night?” Kuroo asks sarcastically, looking down at you with a smirk. Without saying a word, you gently lick the precum off of the head, your eyes not leaving his. He gently sighs, his smirk falling as his mouth stays slightly agape. You will yourself to salivate, and in one seemingly effortless motion, you take his entire length in your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat. You gag slightly, trying your hardest to relax your throat to keep his dick in your mouth. Kuroo’s head falls back in pleasure, and a beautiful moan escapes his lips.
“Goddamn, princess.” Kuroo says, lazily picking his head up to look you in your eyes. Once again maintaining eye contact, you slowly withdraw his dick from your mouth, allowing your drool to dribble from your mouth onto his penis. Kuroo’s chest continued to rise and fall heavily, watching your every move. Licking one long stripe along the vein of his penis, you once again take him in your mouth, this time creating a rhythm, your head bobbing up and down as your hand strokes the length that you couldn’t fit, letting your spit lubricate his cock.
You begin to lose yourself in the moment, allowing yourself to close your eyes and bask in the sound of Kuroo’s soft groans as you pleasure him.
“Come here.” Kuroo says, breaking your concentration. You slowly take his length out of your mouth, leaving it wet with your saliva. Kuroo reaches for your thighs, pulling you upwards to look you straight into your eyes as you hover over him, his wet length hitting your inner thigh.
“Sit on my face.” Kuroo commands roughly, hands wandering up and down your legs and ass, his fingers gently brushing the lips of your vagina. You shiver at the small contact made, ready for more. After planting a short kiss on Kuroo’s lips, you let him guide you until your pussy is just barely hovering over his lips, his hands securely gripping your thighs, your bare tits practically glowing in the dim light streaming in from the empty street. You felt so defenseless, exposing yourself as Kuroo stared up at your naked body, you both knew he was strong enough to hold you down against his mouth if he wanted to.
Slowly, tentatively, you lower yourself down, your heart pounding out of your chest in excitement. Without missing a beat, Kuroo’s large hands tighten their grip on your thighs, holding you steady as his tongue furiously licks your pussy, practically making you double over in ecstasy.
Your moans and whimpers of pleasure echo through the room, and Kuroo takes this as a signal to quicken his pace, his tongue licking fast strokes against your clit and dipping slightly into your hole. His pace continued getting faster and faster, tongue alternating between circling your clit and deeply thrusting into your hole. You were certain he was leaving bruises on your thighs, trying to keep you still against his devilish mouth. Gripping tightly onto his hair, you feel yourself beginning to come undone on top of him, your walls tightening as you grind your hips against Kuroo’s face, his nose nudging against your clit, the pace never slowing down. You weren’t 100% sure he could breathe, but you didn’t really care. All that mattered to you was reaching your climax with Kuroo’s face buried in your pussy.
“Kuroo!” You moan out, pulling his hair a little harder as you feel your walls pounding as you hit your peak, struggling screams escaping your mouth as Kuroo continues gently lapping at your clit as you cum. It took everything in you just to stay upright, the intensity of Kuroo’s mouth never letting up even as you came. You ride out your high on Kuroo’s face, slowly releasing your grip on his head as he takes his hands off your thighs.
As you continue to try to catch your breath, you lift yourself up, giving Kuroo room to breathe. He breathes deeply as well, looking up at you with a smirk.
“You sound cute when you scream my name.” He says smugly, rubbing your thigh. You roll your eyes, your cheeks burning. Shifting backwards, you widen your stance to straddle his waist again, the tip of his penis just barely grazing the lips of your drenched pussy.
“And I like you better when you’re quiet.” You say, just barely louder than a whisper. Your face was once again centimeters away from his, and his lips were still glistening with your cum. Without hesitation Kuroo’s lips meet yours, sloppy, wet kisses being swapped between the two of you as your hand takes hold of his dick, lining it up with your entrance.
You watch as Kuroo pulls away from the kiss, his face contorting in satisfaction as you sink into him. You sigh, closing your eyes as his length slowly starts filling you up. There was only a little resistance, your walls having to stretch to adjust to his size. But even so, he felt so comfortable inside of you. It felt as if the two of you were made for one another.
You feel your eyes roll back as you shift your hips, his dick twitching slightly inside of you. Kuroo’s hands gripped onto your ass deeply, urging you to move, to create some sort of friction. With the support of his hands, you move your hips upwards, then downwards, up, down, up, down, two bodies moving almost perfectly in sync as the room filled with the sounds of Kuroo’s moans and your screams.
The two of you kept a rhythmic pace to maintain the high you were both building, his hands guiding your hips as you steadily let your body rise and fall against his. Fireworks exploded at your core every time your hips collided with his, the head of his dick ramming against your cervix.
After some time you slow down, your legs were getting more and more tired as you rocked against him. Kuroo senses your exhaustion and effortlessly flips you over onto your back, getting on top of you. Lining up his rock hard cock at your entrance, he looks down at you with a malicious grin.
“So desperate for my dick, huh princess?” Kuroo teases, letting the head of his penis rub along your soaking wet pussy, your walls clenching every time it barely grazes your clit.
“Just get inside me already.” You demand, your body aching for more. You were so close to reaching your second high, and you were more than ready to keep going all night if Kuroo wanted to.
“What’s the magic word?” Kuroo says, using your words from earlier against you. He slowly lowers himself until his lips graze your hardened nipple. The tip of his dick continues to rub against you, making your pussy throb. Kuroo flicks your nipple with his tongue, before taking it between his teeth and nibbling softly, causing you to yelp at the sudden contact. Kuroo moves away from your nipple, sucking hard on the soft tissue of your breasts, leaving hickeys scattered across your chest.
“Please fuck me Kuroo!” You beg, unable to take any more stimulation. You feel Kuroo chuckle against your skin, right before he finally lets his tip enter you. He pushes into you at a painstakingly slow rate, making you groan in anticipation, shutting your eyes tightly. Kuroo always left you yearning for more, lusting for his touch.
Kuroo moves his head upwards, nestling his face into your neck as he gradually increases his pace. He leaves small kisses along your neck, taking your ear lobe between his teeth and tugging on it, making your eyes roll back as you let out a loud moan. You shift underneath him, bucking your hips upwards as you wrap your legs around his waist. Kuroo groans into your neck, letting his head rest against your shoulder as he continues to pound into you, leaving shockwaves running through your body with every thrust.
“Kuroo, please make me cum.” You moan out, tangling your hands in his hair. Kuroo quickly pushes himself upward, hoisting your legs up and using his thighs to keep your hips suspended in the air, his dick still deep in you. Kuroo smirks as he sees your eyes roll back in pleasure, your hands grasping at the sheets around you, your breasts bouncing with every thrust. His smirk only grows wider as he begins rubbing small circles on your clit with his thumb, causing you to scream so loud you were certain everyone in the neighborhood could hear you.
With this added stimulation, you felt yourself getting closer to your climax much faster, the pressure building up in your pussy as Kuroo continues fucking you from this new angle. Without any warning, you feel your walls clenching like a vice around Kuroo’s dick, causing Kuroo to take his thumb off of your clit so his hands could grab your waist, keeping you still as you cum all over him.
Your climax is only further intensified by Kuroo continuing to pound into your tight cunt, aching for his own release. The feeling of your vaginal walls spasming around his cock was more than enough for him, but getting to see you scream in pleasure as he sends you over the edge is what really did it for him. To him, there was no better sight than seeing his princess cum.
It didn’t take long until Kuroo let out a throaty groan, his grip on your hips tightening as he fucks you even harder.
“Cum inside of me.” You barely make out, your body overrun with satisfaction. Kuroo leans down once more, pinning your hands over your head as you wrap your legs around him. Looking deeply into his eyes, you watch as his face contorts in ecstasy, his forehead dropping against yours. You feel his cock twitch inside of you, and you feel your cunt fill up with Kuroo’s hot cum.
After a last few sloppy thrusts, Kuroo pulls out of you, leaving you lying on the bed breathless, your chest rising and falling as you try to gain your composure. Your pussy was practically bursting with liquids, both yours and his. Kuroo briskly walks over to the bathroom, and you hear some shuffling and the sink running. Kuroo returns with a wet washcloth, kneeling in front of your soaking wet vagina and tenderly wiping up any cum that was on you.
“Such a gentleman.” You comment, looking down at Kuroo as he concentrates on cleaning you up. He looks up at you, smiling when he realizes you were watching him.
“Only the best for my girl.” He says, getting up and wiping his dick off with the rag. You move to lay on your side, feeling more than content with the events that just occurred. Kuroo lays next to you, looking into your eyes.
“My girl?” You repeat back at him, squinting your eyes skeptically. Kuroo rolls his eyes, throwing his arm around your waist and pulling you next to him.
“I’m yours. You’re mine. That’s the deal.” He says, winking at you.
“Since when am I yours?” You ask teasingly, knowing damn well that there was no arguing that you and Kuroo belonged to one another.
“Since you screamed my name so loud the entire neighborhood heard you.” Kuroo says, smirking. “The hickeys speak for themselves too. They’re like a personal tag.”
“Shut up.” You say, rolling your eyes at his lewd comments. You couldn’t hide the smile on your face as you thought about the idea of being Kuroo’s. “I’m yours.” You whisper, inching your face closer to Kuroo’s.
“You’re mine.” Kuroo responds back, placing a loving kiss on your lips. There wasn’t any lust, any heat in this kiss, which was a drastic change from the absolutely filthy deeds the two of you were just committing. It was a simple kiss, sealing the deal the two of you made.
“Round two after dinner?” Kuroo asks jokingly, pulling away from your kiss. You laugh, resting your forehead against his, lazily nodding at the proposal of more sex.
Alone with Kuroo in that tiny little safehouse, you felt more at home than you had felt in years. Maybe it was the intensity of everything that happened that night, maybe it was the sense of belonging you felt as you laid in Kuroo’s arms, maybe it was the way your heart fluttered every time you heard Kuroo say “I’m yours”. Perhaps it was all of it, all of these emotions and sensations coming together, a light in the middle of the darkest storm that raged on around you, right outside the walls of this apartment. That storm wasn’t going to stop, and you and Kuroo were fully aware of the dangers that lurked around the corner for the both of you. But maybe the comfort the two of you found in one another was more than just a shelter from the impending storm. A solemn promise that regardless of the future that lay ahead, there was one constant that would remain true — he is yours, and you are his.
#kuroo tetsuro x reader#Kuroo Tetsurou#Kuroo#haikyuu#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu fanfic#hq#deciphered#smut#kuroo smut#haikyuu smut#multi chapter#kuroo fanfic
350 notes
·
View notes
Text
So while I’m not fond of Peppa Pig, I do find this discussion interesting. And it did make me go check if I could follow Peppa Pig (I can, easily, I know most of the words if not all - though I’m watching without subs so I might miss a little bit).
*This is a show that WAS recommended to me, if you want to watch a simple show for kids that’s easy to comprehend - 大头儿子和小头爸爸 (and it is cute, it reminds me a little of Arthur and shows I watched when I was little) : https://youtu.be/bpO2W9Xaigc
Ok back to Peppa Pig discussion, of all things lol.
So on reddit, someone was discussing how they’d been studying chinese 8 months and still could not understand Peppa Pig. I found the discussion between everyone very interesting. All I really think on my end is like? I also could not understand Peppa Pig (or any shows super well) that early on so it is partly a matter of “you just gotta study chinese for a while.” (The reddit discussion: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChineseLanguage/comments/mk4665/fed_up_with_my_poor_chinese/ )
But also? I am a big believer in “it gets easier the more you practice.” So if you want to do something in a language, try to DO it. And try to keep doing it - because partly yes, you will likely realize you need to learn more words/grammar and the ‘doing’ may just be a catalyst to ‘make you study more’ so that next time you try to DO you know more and its easier. But also, doing it involves building the skills of getting USED to listening, used to recognizing words you studied in a different context, getting used to recognizing and understanding grammar in real time instead of on a delay (like in a textbook when you can slow down and really look at something and figure it out) etc. So partly, how ‘easy’ it is to read or listen has to just do with how often you’ve done it. Have you done it enough that the parts you HAVE studied you can grasp immediately? Or have you done it so little that even things you ‘studied’ don’t click right away - but they might on a rewatch or if you pause and read a subtitle slower, replay a line, etc. The part of the skills you pick up by DOING you really have to just... do to get better.
I found a few responses from people who are years into studying chinese and still find Peppa Pig difficult. And I think in that case, it might be the same situation as my japanese was (studied for 2 years and could still barely read a manga for bare gist). I think partly at that point, lack of understanding has to do with not practicing understanding by Doing. Someone who’s studied a couple years, likely knows a few thousands words+? If they practiced listening or reading regularly for a few months, they’d likely see a TON of improvement. Because they probably ‘learned’ a lot already they just need to develop stronger skills to comprehend what they studied when engaging with shows/audios/novels etc. And if they just ‘wait’ to engage with material until it feels ‘easy’ they may be unnecessarily holding themselves back. Because a major part of ‘why’ it might feel difficult is simply that they don’t practice the skills of USING what they learned. If they practice more, it will get easier. But if they wait to immerse until ‘easy stuff FEELS easy’ when they first try? Then they aren’t challenging themselves nearly as much as they can probably handle...
Like? I’m not that good. I still only kinda comprehend a LOT of things. But that doesn’t stop me from watching chinese dramas I wanna watch in chinese only. And I think a big reason I can comprehend ENOUGH now to follow the plots of shows I wanna watch? Is because when i was 8 months, 10 months, 12 months into learning - i would watch 12 minutes and look up lots of unknown words, or watch an episode and pause to read hard sentences, or make myself watch when i ‘just’ got the gist of an ‘easier’ show and hope that the more i did it the more i’d understand. And somehow, that did work out. (Also it motivated me to keep studying new words in other activities lol, hoping that would make watching easier). Now I’m at a point where i can turn on new shows I want to watch, and watch them, and follow the main gist and pick up some details. Its nice. Its nice and its getting a bit easier each time i do it. And if i had ‘waited’ until ‘easy stuff’ like Peppa Pig was easy? Or until stuff like “Granting You A Dreamlike Life” was easy? I probably would not comprehend this much right now. I tried to watch gyadl like 8 months in and it was pretty rough... even rougher because i only paused a handful of times an episode to make things go faster. But now? When i watch a show ‘about that hard’ that’s mostly slice of life? I can pick up a ton more easily than before. Doing the ‘hard’ thing eventually made it easier.
So if there’s anything I think about all it, its just... don’t be afraid to challenge yourself sometimes. Sometimes doing hard things makes the ‘easier’ things finally Actually easier. And sometimes waiting until you can ‘understand’ the easy things means just never trying the easy things - when its trying and doing, that will eventually MAKE them doable for you. At least that’s advice to myself ToT I wasted a ton of time in japanese when I didn’t do this, and helped myself a lot in chinese by doing this. I also did it with french even though i wasn’t really aware what i was doing back then.
Some links:
Peppa Pig in mandarin (let me know how much YOU can follow an episode! - if you can... sit through one): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1dhSMSAXxI
Konglongmandarin - a site that teaches mandarin utilizing Peppa Pig episodes. Which, while I do not like that cartoon much, I really appreciate the concept behind this site and its lessons. And I think its a really cool way of making comprehensible input lessons (which I think are a quite easy and Direct way to teach things that click well with my learning style and probably some other peoples’). I am checking the site out currently: https://www.konglongmandarin.com/lessons/
AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER IN MANDARIN - its on WeTV! I didn’t know that! It’s all just free to watch so like?!! I guess I’m doing a rewatch! The downside is these have no subs. The upside is I guess it makes good listening practice since you can’t rely on reading skills. Also, if you’ve watched atla before like me, then you likely have enough context already you should be able to follow what’s going on and pick up some new words: https://v.qq.com/x/cover/m0t0ud0mjg6td5t/v00225ojbpd.html
Again 大头儿子和小头爸爸 - its a show that was recommended to me by a language partner, and its good if you want a show for kids to practice comprehensible input with (I find it a lot more nice to watch then peppa pig but that’s just my preference): https://youtu.be/bpO2W9Xaigc
Two Souls in One - a cdrama I’m watching right now, its really good! Its only in chinese subs rn but I imagine youku plans to english sub it since its on youtube. Its magical premise mixed with mundane reality, a lot of fun identity and gender shenanigans. At my comprehension level its reasonably easy to follow - since most of its slice of life or actor-genre lingo. I think for most people who know 1k-2k common words this should be very doable to watch (just like Granting You A Dreamlike Life was doable to watch and follow the gist of). https://youtu.be/zaX2pdVpmUY
#shows#april#april progress#rant#peppa pig#comprehensible input#discussion#yes i lurk the language forums on reddit and other sites#this one was a pretty happy discussion tbh#a lot of people had good advice and interesting personal experience to share#i have seen some pretty. hostile language forum discussions lol#this one was nice
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
@melatovnik ok here we go finally! first: my thoughts on body wash and moisturizer!
1) body wash: there are probably some really high end body washes out there that feel lovely but this is one step where i have not been convinced that i need anything more than a basic drug-store brand moisturizing wash a la olay ultra hydrating shea butter, dove something or other, cerave something or other, aveeno, etc. there's lots of brands with nice cheap hydrating gentle formulas, i don't think it matters a ton, just as long as it's not that suave garbage UGH it's so harsh if i'm ever staying somewhere that only has that i just skip body wash altogether, i've been burned too many times. medicated washes are a different story (which will be a different post) but otherwise it just goes down the drain! as long as what you got works fine and doesn't ravage your skin, spend the money elsewhere.
IF i wanted to upgrade, i have my eye on the skinfix eczema+ foaming oil body wash, which is $24 for just 12.5 oz, which, again, silly for something i'm going to immediately wash off! but i have a sample of the facewash that i just tried and it was very nice and i like their other products, so there you go.
2) moisturizer: that cerave cream... yes. probably the best bang for your buck out there, nice feel and absolute cheapest price per oz. the aveeno eczema therapy is awesome too, loaded with panthenol which is super soothing, though not an emollient. IF you wanted to upgrade, if those weren't cutting it for you and you were still dry/scaly/flaky and wanted more liquid oil emollient content (me lately), these are my thoughts rn:
a) slight upgrade option: la roche-posay lipikar balm ap+. decent size 400 mL pump bottle for $20 at target, kind of ointmenty smell and greasy feel putting it on, but you've got sunflower seed oil and shea butter pretty high up the ingredient list, but still at a really good price point. the petrolatum and mineral oil will really grease you up if you use a lot but you really don't need to, and they're both great occlusives anyway. plus it has niacinamide. i'm generally a fan.
b) serious upgrade option: skinfix eczema+ line. i have an old tube of the hand repair cream i really like, i was just using the remedy+ 911 ointment on my scaly dry legs bc it was all i had (which worked instantly), and i've just ordered a new hand cream and the body cream to see how they work for my current scaly lizard body. a definite step up in price per oz (i just spent $18 and $34 for those two products) but the ingredients are great, basically all various natural oils right from the top of the list, so you should definitely be getting more/longer relief than from your cheapy water/glycerin/cetearyl alcohol lotion formulas.
c) mad scientist: if you really want something more emollient-y than what you're using, cheaper than b and probably more pleasant than a, here is what i would try. take your cerave cream. now go find a bottle of pure squalane oil. the ordinary has one for like $7, timeless has one for $10, other places sell it for more. it's a little couple-ounce bottle with a dropper. squalane is a stabilized version of an oil that everyone already makes in their skin, and because it's stabilized it shouldn't break you out. just squirt your lotion in your hand, and add a drop of squalane oil, mix, and apply. you can play around with how much or how little you like, try putting squalane directly on without the lotion, or ditch it if you hate it (and you still have the original lotion you already knew you liked!). i kind of like just putting the squalane directly on my face at night tbh, just lube me right up.
d) if we're talking just face moisturizer, and you already know you like the cerave cream, the cerave pm facial moisturizing lotion is SO good. basically the same formula as the cerave cream with the addition of niacinamide, which is a b vitamin with extremely strong evidence for doing many things for your skin including regulating oil production, boosting collagen, evening pigment, etc etc. it's basically the first active ingredient i would recommend to anyone because it has so many benefits and there's basically no downside.
you can doctor up a combination of regular cerave cream plus a basic $5 niacinamide serum for cheaper if you really wanted, or the cerave pm is like $15 for a bottle. cerave pm is a lot of people's first rec on the road to upping your skincare game bc it works so well for so many people, it's hard to go wrong
#i will have to do my moisturizer theory hot takes and answer your acne treatment questions later because it is my bedtime#but i hope this helps!#skincare#sorry this isn't under a readmore try a functional blogging platform next time
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
I hope everything is okay Hina!!! - 🍚
it was... wow where do I start LOL
if anyone remembers my work drama with Monica, you’ll never guess who quit today with no 2 week notice and just... straight up left me and 3 other coworkers with a pile of work she left undone BUT THE UPSIDE IS THAT IM FREE OF THAT DEMON ☠️
can u believe she was STILL in my ear up until literally Friday talking some shit about literally everyone under the sun BUT IM FREE NOW IM FREE 😭😭😭 the only downside is picking up what she left but goddamn I rather have that rn LOL
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
A h/etalia Umbrella academy au but it isn’t actually one, it’s just inspired by UA kinda...idk
//Uh keep in mind that this is going straight from the drafts onto your dash and uhhh there will for sure be spelling errors so don’t roast me lmao
Roman ‘Roma’ Vargas: An eccentric billionaire who founded the Academy of the World’s Finest (or the AWF for short). He gets bored very quickly and went from buying rockets to building hotels to managing casinos to buying children. A very crazy sequence of events! (Roma has many secrets but I don’t feel like fleshing it’s out rn this is just the bare bones of this just for fun!! And if you’ve seen both seasons of UA you probably already knows what you need to know). One faithful day, October 1st 1989, multiple beautiful babies were born from women who were not pregnant the day they were born. This phenomenon made itself known to Roma and he was off to find as many of these children that he could! He sent his staff all over the world to buy these children. He successfully purchased 9.
Number 1, purchased for $10,000 in Las Vegas: Number 1 was picked to be number 1 because Roma thought he was such a strong looking baby. Alfred was actually purchased fifth out of his siblings but no one knows that except Roma himself. Alfred, from a young age, was able to cause an obscene amount of damage. When he held Roma’s hand while learning to walk, he crushed the bones in his hand. When he kicked a soccer ball down the hallway, it went through the wall like a meteor. When he knocked on Arthurs door to bother him, the door snapped in half (and Art screamed bloody murder). He has an insane amount of strength without even trying! It was very hard for him to get a handle on it because he’s so spontaneous and isn’t really one to think before acting but once he and hs siblings started training for hero work?? That was his motivation to be better, to control his power to use it against bad guys!!! He’s the golden boy of the family, he never disobeys Roma and will never, even now, say anything bad about him. ‘Hey! He’s my dad, he saved me from whatever shithole life I was destined to have in Nevada. I couldn’t be more thankful for my life! And mom, if you’re watching this...Thanks. I don’t know who you are but...Thank you’
Number 2, purchased for $25,000 in Le Mans: Number 2’s power presented itself only after he learned to talk. Francis’s power of persuasion is both a blessing and a curse for him. He’s struggled greatly with being ‘number 2’, he wants the same validation and attention as ‘number 1’ gets. He doesn’t think it’s fair. He often used his power for bad things arond the house like ‘J'ai entendu une rumeur that you broke every finger on your right hand!’ that was a very gruesome morning for Alfred and the scolding that Francis got scarred him for life as he was insulted and cursed out in front of his family. Even after that, he still kept up his happy exterior. He was also usually the face of the AWF, appearing on magazine covers which he may or may not have influenced the writers just a bit. His power is strong but he does not use it on Roma because he’s terrified of what would happen if he did!! As he’s gotten older, he’s falls off the wagon a little but he’s trying to make a solid recovery. Also, when he was 7 he found out he was born in France! He then forced himself to become totally fluent in French and taught himself to have a French accent too. Whoopie....
Number 3, purchased for $1000 in Sicily: Number 3 is a dangerous child, he was from day one. When he was born, he was presenting a 116 degree fever yet he was acting totally normal. His mother was convinced he was the devil and was more than happy to sell him off to Roma. Roma felt a deep connection to Lovi from the start....Lovi looked like him. He looked like he could be his biological son. Lovi got special treatment from Roma often but he still felt overshadowed by his siblings. I mean, a majority of his siblings are pretty blondes. He felt left out often. But he would channel that anger into training and cooking! He has a trick that he likes to do, cracking an egg into his palm and cooking it. That one impresses Alfred every time! Not that he’s hard to impress. Lovi would often push himself too far in his quest to be the best and snap at his siblings, leaving him even more alienated from them. He spent a lot of time around Roma and Feli, mostly Roma. He got a lot of one-on-one training with him and a lot of praise too. All he ever wanted to do was be perfect for his father. He set bad guys on fire, did interviews on live tv, set fire to a warehouse full of gang members, all kinds of stuff that he never would have done on his own. Stuff that he didn’t want to do. All so he could impress Roma
Number 4, purchased for $700 outside of Berlin: Number 4 has always been hyper and loud! But his powers suddenly developed over night, which was terrifying for him. Gilbert awoke in the middle of the night to pee one night and was met with a ghost in the bathtub. Naturally, Roma encouraged him to speak with ghosts and would make him go to cemeteries to talk to the dead. Ghosts scared him so he’d secretly take Benadryl to knock himself out but as he got older, he realized that he couldn’t be scared anymore cause these ghosts needed a friend :( so he used these ghosts to fight in missions and in return, he’d play games with them and chat with them, just being friend with the ones who had a hard time crossing over :’) he likes using his powers for good but feels like he’s taking advantage of his ghost friends sometimes which took the fun out of crime fighting
Number 5, given to Roma for free outside of Kyoto: Number 5 got a late start compared to his siblings. His powers took awhile longer to manifest and he had trouble learning to read. But once he caught up, he proved himself to be the smartest out of all of them. Smarter than some of them combined, even. Kiku still often indulged in his siblings antics but at the same time, he felt he was somewhat superior to them. He learned to poof himself from one side of the room to the other, starting off small. He figured out he could time travel one night when Francis and Gil were hammered and knocked a vase over. Kiku felt every muscle in his body tense, then a sensation of falling, then he was suddenly 10 seconds in the past!! Wow!! He caught the vase before it could hit the ground and kicked Fran so he fell down, leaving him to sleep on the foyer floor while Gil just stood there like ‘wtf...?’. When Roma started berating him for ‘getting too cocky’, Kiku threw a bit of a hissy fit and decided to jump to the future!! He did and landed himself in the aftermath of the 2019 apocalypse, unable to get back home cause he wore himself out and had no idea what he had even done to get himself there in the first place lmao sucker.
Number 6, purchased for $10,000 in York: Number 6 was an extremely fussy baby. All he did was cry and cry and cry, it was very frustrating for Roma since the other babies were somewhat easier to handle. Arthur was indeed a handful. When he was hungry, baby food tins and spoons would float out of the pantry and over to his highchair. When he wanted to torment his siblings, he’d take their things and throw them across the room with his mind. When a sinking was annoying him, he’d simply lift them up and shove them out of his room. Easy. He is probably the smartest or second smartest of his siblings. He isn’t the most athletic but he spent lots of time studying, so much so that Roma had to constantly buy new books for Art to read to keep him mentally stimulated. He was often a voice of reason though no one listened to him. When fighting he was very useful!! He never needed to get close to the bad guys, he could throw them around without moving a muscle! The only downside is that it wore him out after awhile...Ugh. He avoided the media but did do interviews with his mask on, encouraging kids his age to stay in school! By the time Art was 13, he was taking college level tests and reading college level material so...he’s one smart cookie
Number 7, given to Roma for free in undisclosed location in Russia: Number 7 is too powerful for her own good. At a young age, Francis was told to convince her that she had no powers. This was done in secret, only Roma, the house staff, Francis and Kiku knew it happened. Everyone else was oblivious and left out of the loop. Vanya has the ability to shake the earth, to cause obscene amounts of damage in the blink of an eye. Her power was something that Roma could have never prepared himself for. So from that day on, Vanya was a ‘normal girl’. She watched from the sidelines as her siblings got to train and fight. She sat with Feli to paint or sew or just talk. She went through every day feeling worthless, like she wasn’t meant to be a part of this family. She channeled her feelings into art, painting canvasses worth of rainy cities or melting people. She made a series of paintings depicting her siblings’ abilities through chunky brushstrokes and vibrant colors. Each painting sold for over one million dollars. She thought her art career would impress her father. It didn’t.
Number 8, purchased for $15,000 and 10 cows outside of Oslo: Number 8 was always a quiet boy, he kept to himself and Roma thought he may be powerless as well for almost 5 years until lightning struck the house...on a bright sunny day...not a cloud in the sky. Turns out Lukas and Kiku were arguing. They were only 5 so they were just shrieking and yelling nonsense then BAM!!!! Lighting. Roma was so terrified but Lukas was giggling and shooting soarks out of his hands, his hair sticking up like crazy. He was always quiet and reserved, he spent a lot of time in the library or on the roof just looking out over the city. He didn’t like sneaking out of the house like his brothers and sisters did but he went ‘to keep an eye on them’...he always had fun though. He stayed away from the media and wore a mask that his most of his face so he wouldn’t be recognized. Sadly, in a tough fight in a hostage situation, Lukas was shot and killed when he was 15, right when he was starting to consider writing a book about hero work and how as he aged, he was becoming more confident in himself due to helping others. It was a tragic loss for his siblings
Number 9, purchased for $800 and a new car in La Coruna: Number 9 was successful from the start, surpassing her siblings in height very very fast. Her power just happens to be her speed. Carmen, as a baby, was a lot to handle since she crawled around the house at 40 miles an hour. Even her sleep schedule was quick, she’d take a 20 minute speed nap and have enough energy to run around for hours after. When she was introduced to the idea of being a hero, she agreed so fast that she nearly bit her tongue off. She always got her chores done quick, helped around the house, all of that since a task that would take 3 hours only took a few minutes for her. She was a great female role model and did many interviews for teen magazines to encourage girls to be their best, that has always been her message. She even wrote ‘GRLPWR’ on her cheeks in black paint before heading off to fight crime in case she had her picture taken. Roma wasn’t a huge fan of that but she didn’t care too much :) she has always stuck up for her sisters!! And she has always been close to Fran and Gil but as they got older, their interests began to differ so she found herself hanging with Vanya and Arthur more
Feliciano Vargas: Roma Vargas’s only biological son. He does not have powers and often felt left out when he was left behind while his siblings went on missions. He’s 2 years younger than the rest of them and is often referred to as ‘stupid little brother’ by Lovino which hurt his feelings. When he was a baby, they were like 2 and a half so they didn’t see him as ‘aww look my baby brother!’ They just found him annoying cause he cried a lot. Like his siblings, he never met his mom but he does feel good knowing that he will always have his dad. When he and the academy kids fight, he will often rub it in their faces that at least Roma is his biological dad. That really rubs salt in the wounds, huh? Feli has always gotten on well with Vanya, they got left behind all the time so they got to paint and play music together :) they made eachother very happy
Gilbert and Lukas: Gil didn’t really like Lukas much when they were younger cause Lukas was just...quiet and reserved. Gil is the exact opposite. But now that Lukas is dead, Gil pities him and hangs out with him. They trained a lot together but Gil got embarassed when they trained cause if someone were to walk in, they’d just see Gil shouting and punching at nothing so...They trained in the dark at 3am on the roof where they wouldnt be interrupted. Now that Gil is older, he can channel Lukas almostperfectly. Lukas has an almost totally physical form when Gil uses his powers, allowing Lukas to channel lightning the way he was able to when he was alive. Lukas doesn’t like doing that too often cause it’s a bit cruel, getting to feel alive when you’re not :/
Kuma: Kuma was a normal polar bear that was experimented on in a lab that Roma funded. The scientists combined his DNA with monkey and human DNA and after much trial and error, they were able to get his brain to process English. So he wears a collar that allows him to talk. He scolded the kids for running around in the house but then five minutes later he’d let them ride his back while HE ran around the halls :) he was like a fun uncle to them. He wore a bow tie :)
Wan yu: Roma fell in love with a woman from China when he was younger. She was studying culinary arts in Italy and he absolutely fell head over heels for her. But things didn’t work out. So once the tech came around, he had an advanced robot version of his first love created for the sole purpose of loving him and his children. She was programmed to be a great role model, compassionate, patient and...A good cook. The kids all called her mom or ma and even though she never technically had favorites, she was always fond of little Kiku. She was the one who taught him to read when he had trouble doing so and she’s stay up late with him in secret to help him catch up in other languages. The kids all had to learn Italian, English, Spanish, Greek and Russian bedore they were even 8 years old. Since Kiku took a bit longer to grasp that kind of stuff, she would sneak him down to the library to have one-on-one lessons with him. :) she was also very caring when it came to Alfred, she saw how hard he pushed himself sometimes and it hurt her to watch. She made cookies for him on especially rough days
Lukas’s death: Lukas’s death hit Arthur, Vanya and Gilbert especially hard. Arthur and Lukas bonded over similar interests, Lukas and Vanya played chess all the time and gossiped and Gilbert always thought that Lukas was the coolest sibling he had. His death was used as motivation for everyone else to continue training. Gilbert ‘summoned’ Lukas three days after his death and Lukas has followed him around ever sicne. Lukas wasn’t avtually summoned, he’d been secretly roaming the house for days and decided to just let Gil think he summoned him. Roma was depressed about his son’s death for a week or so but he never really allowed himself to feel negative emotions for too long so he was over it a bit...too quickly.
#long post#AWF au :)#aph#hetalia#ask away!#headcanons#hetalia headcanons#asks#aph france#aph england#aph america#aph china#aph rome#aph japan#aph prussia#aph kumajirou#aph spain#aph Nyo spain#aph nyo russia#nyo!russia#aph russia#aph norway#aph Italy#aph romano#I wasn’t gonna post this but 2020 is the year where not caring is the theme so here
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
the way ILM is the only fic that's actually made me cry... trying so hard to capture that level of emotion for a scene im writing in a fic rn, do you have any advice about writing scenes like that, or about how you get into the right headspace?
Totally! Although it helps to know specifics. Also, take my advice with a grain of salt, because the way I write is very unusual and might be hard to do (and moderate). So, I did acting before I really got into writing or any of the various other things I’ve done (film, VA work, etc). And I kind of approach everything from an acting lens. I method act when I act, and I write the same way. I get intensely into character, and write the character through myself. This is a really useful and good way to write, but you should do it in controlled moderation (just like method acting). Do not be me and get so into character you accidentally give yourself trauma writing something like The End of the Line. The plus of basically acting what you write is it makes understanding what characters will do or say next very easy. It also makes it a lot easier (for me anyway) to get in touch with and have a good handle on emotion and translate it well. The downside of that is probably any section of ILM that made you cry, I was sobbing for over an hour writing. It works, but it takes a toll. I wrote the end section for Rin in one night and it physically exhausted me. When writing ODE for a friend, the fic I’m updating now (beside NDF), I regularly sent him screenshots of my shirt literally soaked through with tears.
Now, this is not remotely the only efficient way to write emotion—or to act it! It’s just the way that comes most naturally to me, so it’s the one I have the most experience trying to describe or recommend. If it doesn’t work for you, there are /tons/ of other ways that will. Moving on from my basic process, here’s some actual advice:
The scene you are writing, you say you want to be really emotional. I would assume that means that what happens in it is deeply meaningful to you, and you would like to/feel like you or anyone could/should cry for the event. Because it’s significant. Try to find what it is that you have that feelings towards in the scene, because it won’t be just like, X character dies. There’s always more that goes with it. Is it sad because they’re dying alone, or because they thought they would, but they have a friend, and it’s so precious to them? Try to find the meaning behind the event, and focus on that. In acting, it’s considered very bad direction to tell your actor something like “act sadder”, because that’s not an actionable command. What is sadder? You’re supposed to give them an actual thing they can do, not a concept to embody. So something like, “convince him you will never forget him, before he dies and it’s too late to tell him,” is a much better direction. That’s actionable. I’d say a lot of that applies to writing too. If someone is dying, focus on what that means, to them, to whoever is with them. If someone is being told they’re loved for the first time, how does that feel—are they miserable with guilt, are they at peace? And how is that actually shown.
It can help a lot to focus on that. To focus on specific actions that have a lot of meaning, like holding out your hand for someone who isn’t going to come. It can also help to find a central emotion to a scene, the heart kind of as it were, and then to build around it. Trying to think of an example, in ILM, one of the earliest scenes to make me cry was Quentin’s near death in The End of the Line. Obviously it’s upsetting he’s being killed, and by the single worst person in his life, who has been hunting him literally since he was a child. And there’s the desperation of everyone trying to save him, and how much they are suffering, the unfairness of how hard he’s trying to save himself, and that it’s not enough, but what makes that scene truly impactful is that he’s kind of out of it and he thinks his Dad is close enough to hear him and come save him and he could be okay, but he doesn’t. That’s what makes the scene breaking. There’s also the moment he accepts he’s going to die and prays about it and tries to comfort himself, telling himself it’s okay he’s going to die because he did the best he could and tried all the way to the end. That’s a very brave sentiment, but it’s also really fucking awful and pitiful and depressing to see someone in that situation being the only person there to tell themself it is okay their abuser is about to murder them, and no one is going to save them this time. And everything else that chapter is framing those two moments. It’s not that he’s dying, it’s that he is dying utterly alone, and with no one to comfort him, and that he knew he would, and he couldn’t escape it, and no one could save him. It’s the absolute consuming loneliness. The other half of the chapter is the group trying to save him, willing to go through literally anything for it. So it’s a race to see if he /will/ die alone, if he will ever even get to know they tried, or what they’d go through for him, or if it will all be for nothing, and even though in the end he doesn’t get killed, the threat of it is real and awful enough while it’s being experienced that it carries a lot of weight.
As far as headspace goes, for me, I get into character. I try to think and feel as incredibly miserable as my characters (Uh, to a safe extent preferably. Again, I’ve overshot the mark and fucked myself up before. Try not to do that :’-]). I feel how they feel, and if I write with the emotion they have, usually it carries over. So I guess the best advice I can give for headspace is just try to care as much about and for your characters as you can. I’m sure not every author would say this, but I tend to look at writing as I can’t expect someone reading my story to care /more/ about it than I do, so if I want it to matter, it has to really matter to me too. I get invested and care like the characters are my kids, and I want them to succeed and be happy. Even if sometimes I have to write them fail, or die. I try to approach it like I am keeping a faithful narrative for real people who really mattered, in a way. Like I’m witnessing them. And that helps.
Anyway, I am sorry if that isn’t super helpful. I am not always the best at translating things I understand and feel very well, into terms other people can easily understand. Despite my best efforts. 😔 I am very happy to try to elaborate or explain further if there are specifics I could do so on that might help. Uh, I guess as a very basic last piece of advice, if all of this is kind of confusing or hard to follow, just. Whatever makes it a scene to you like the ones in ILM that made you cry—whatever makes it a story segment that should be cried over. Try to find that element. That makes it...important, and vital, and painful, and makes it matter that it /is/ painful, and try to connect to that. Try to feel that element, and to write that feeling down. If you have ever been really depressed and written poetry, or even a few lines of just journaling, talking about something very personal and raw and ugly or hard or unchangable, it’s kind of like that. Find that. And describe it like you would something painful to yourself. If it can resonate with the people reading, if it’s written brutally honestly, whether it is pretty or not, it will.
#ask#writing#writing advice#officious-seeing-eye-bitch#I hope this helps I’m sorry if it doesn’t :’-]#I am not always good at translating myself even if I understand myself really well
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
51 and please do remember to include the prompt line this time
ur lucky you’re getting a story at all bully >:(
AN YWAYS it took me forever to figure out who to do for this bc yuki/leland is like my only canon ship and I’m sick of writing them rn
eventually I decided to do adam/caleb from the infinite noise since they’re all I care about at the moment - I know you don’t know them but they’re cute trust me
--
“Hey, Adam?”
I look up, pulled away from deep concentration on my homework, to see Caleb looking at me with an expression I can only describe as...concern? Sometimes I feel like it’s just a little bit unfair that Caleb has a superpower that lets him just know whatever I’m feeling, meanwhile I’m stuck trying to piece things together from the outside like everyone else. I know there are plenty of downsides to Caleb’s ability, but I feel like overall it would make the world a lot less complicated to just know.
“Yeah, what is it?” I reply casually, kicking my legs idly behind me as I look back at my homework.
“I...” A pause. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay, what is it?”
“Can you look at me?”
And I do. I glance up again, and Caleb looks so serious that my stomach drops instantly. Oh....so we’re not having a conversation, we’re having a talk.
I sit up on the bed, trying to keep my expression level even though I know there’s no point.
“Okay,” I repeat, folding my arms and angling myself towards him to show that he has my full attention. “What is it? Is something wrong?”
“I...” He hesitates again, making that slight frown that I’ve come to know as his ‘words are hard’ face. “So, you know how I can feel your feelings, right?”
“Woah no way, really? I had no idea,” I deadpan, and instantly regret it as I see pain flash across his face instead of the laugh I expected to see there.
“Ok, no, I’m sorry,” I backpedal as far as I can, because now it looks like Caleb is on the verge of tears, and I’m having to try hard not to completely panic. What is happening right now? Is this...is he about to - what, break up with me? Tell me it’s been fun, but he’s found someone else, someone who’s not quite so gloom and doom and who’s actually, you know, fun to be around?
“Adam, are you scared of me?”
“What?”
For a moment, I’m at a genuine loss for words, so taken aback by this very much not going in the direction my horror movie producing brain had decided to take it that I can’t quite figure out how to react.
“...What makes you say that?” I ask at last, hesitant to say anything at all because I have no idea where this came from.
Caleb frowns, and looks down at his hands.
“So, my mom. Her parents are...” He hesitates, and I raise an eyebrow, trying to follow his line of thought. “They’re not good. They’re actually really like...really fucking bad people, and that’s why they don’t usually come around, because my parents make up excuses not to see them.”
Oh. Okay...
I still don’t know where he’s going with any of this, but this particular piece of information, although surprising, I at least know how to respond to.
“I’m sorry, that’s awful,” I tell him, and I’m glad I don’t have to try to make my tone genuine for him to pick up on it.
“But they do come around sometimes,” he continues. “And when they do, my mom gets like...really different. Don’t get me wrong, she gets sad or scared sometimes, everyone does, but when her parents are around, it’s way stronger. It’s like this awful thick fog of sadness and fear and loneliness that pushes its way into her and pushes all the other feelings - all her feelings - out. And she’s never like that otherwise - not that bad, anyway.”
“It sounds like they really hurt her,” I offer, keeping my sympathetic face on as my mind works overtime to figure out how any of this connects. “And that’s really awful - but what does it have to do with me being afraid of you?”
“Sometimes I can feel your feelings when you don’t know I’m there,” he says, and then cuts me off before I can respond. “Not in a creepy way, I don’t like, spy on you or anything - “ he rushes to assure me, even though I hadn’t assumed he did. “But like, when I’m in the room with you and you don’t know it yet, or when you’re in the next classroom over from me. When I’m not there, your still have all the normal feelings - fear, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement. But it’s like they’re all...quiet, I guess? Like someone threw a blanket over them so they’re all covered up and soft and muted.”
“That sounds about right,” I tell him honestly, nodding in confirmation, but not adding onto that, partly because I don’t know what else to say about it, and partly because Caleb is already continuing his train of thought.
“But when I’m there, and we’re hanging out and stuff, it’s different. Like, way different. When we’re together, your feelings are all sharp and loud and bright and jagged. And you’re not usually scared - not really, anyway. Maybe kind of...nervous sometimes, but when you’re around me, sometimes you feel super scared, like in a big way, and it can be a super overwhelming emotion to feel from you.”
That stings a little. Caleb has told me before that he likes all my feelings - good and bad - but maybe he’s finally ready to eat his words on that topic.
“Well, I’m sorry being around my feelings sucks so much.” It’s a petty thing to say, I know that, but Caleb calling my feelings hard to deal with hits just close enough to the quick to make me defensive.
“No, it’s not that!” Caleb waves his hands, and I glance up, caught off guard by his panicked movements. “I do like your feelings, whatever they look like, but I mean that they seem worse for you when I’m around, and that’s how it is for my mom when she’s around her parents, and and - “ He breaks off, and I want to say something, anything, to stop this cascade from getting any further, of swallowing him up any more, but he continues before I can even think. “And I know you’re scared of some of my team because of how they treat you at school, and I know I can get really fucking angry sometimes, but I would never hurt you. And I never want to do anything to hurt you, so - so if I make you scared, if I make you feel unsafe - I’d rather you tell me so I can leave you alone. I won’t get mad, I just want you to be happy, and if you’re scared around me -
“Caleb!”
I interject finally, because Caleb’s voice has grown steadily from hesitant mumbling to full on shouting, and my own heart is racing along with his as I get pulled in, seeing the person I love so much look at me with that much pain on his face.
“Caleb, love, I have never been scared of you. Ever,” I tell him, reaching forward to grab his hands and clasp them firmly between mine. “Caleb, look at me.”
He looks up, barely meeting my eyes, and I hold his gaze, determined to show him just how wrong he is. Now that I think about it, I’m cursing myself for not explaining earlier, because how perfectly tragic is it that Caleb...gentle, kind, harmless Caleb...would assume that he’s the reason I feel so afraid all the time.
“You don’t make me afraid,” I continue, shaking his hand a little to give my words the emphasis they need. “You make me feel. And yeah, sometimes that means that I feel more sad or scared around you than I would otherwise, but that’s just because I’m feeling anything at all. That’s not a given for me like it is for you, and the reason you bring out those bad feelings isn’t because you’re the cause of them, it’s because you bring out all of my feelings. Good and bad. You light them up in a way no one else has ever been able to. You don’t make me feel scared, you make me feel alive.”
Caleb is quiet after that. He’s quiet so long that I’m beginning to worry I misread this entire situation and gave completely the wrong speech, and I’m about to try and backpedal somehow when he finally breaks the silence.
“...Oh.” He pauses. “Well, that’s...good, I...guess.”
Ah...there’s the emotionally stunted boy I fell in love with. For a minute there, it was looking like I’d lost him for good.
“It is good, right?” He looks up at me, worried, and I instantly break into a smile that turns into a soft laugh as I shake my head, looking down at our hands, still clasped together.
“Yeah, it’s good,” I laugh, rolling my eyes. “I like how I feel around you. Even if it can be more than I’m used to sometimes.”
“Well, I like how I feel around you too,” says Caleb, and we both lie back down, untangling our fingers for a moment as I turn sideways, leaning my head on his chest as he puts his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling.
“Well, good. That works out then,” I say lightly, and he snorts, tolerating my antics.
“You are such a dork,” he laughs, pulling me closer and ruffling my hair affectionately.
“Shut up. You love it,” I counter.
“Yeah,” he says, heaving a deep, longsuffering sigh as he moves his free hand to rest on my head. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
:/
Uggghhhh....
im just so drastically unhappy rn. im training to be a receptionist and i get along with everyone at work (though i do feel rlly awkward and stupid around them). it’s pretty chill rn. i know it will get more hectic once the place opens up in May but honestly im not too worried about that, it will keep my mind occupied.
anyway, ive started to realise that no matter how ‘ok’ and stable things might feel, i will most likely never be happy as long as i am closeted (and also fat af). i try to work out as much as i can and feel motivated to but i have a hard time eating well. im a very picky eater and food is a big comfort for me. i suffer from anxiety and depression, and when it spikes it REALLY spikes, leaving me a shuddering mess or a shell only capable of lying in bed feeling sorry for myself and like my whole world is crashing down around me. i just wish i could be who i want to be. i want to be the name i have chosen, not my deadname. i dont want to be perceived how people perceive me but it is so difficult and scary to change. i have thought about coming out many times and have come close to doing so on a few occasions, but i always end up chickening out and focusing on the downsides of being my true self, which im sure as any other trans folk will know, there are many. everything just scares me and makes me feel anxious, even the smallest, most innocuous things, so how on earth would i handle my family’s feelings about me changing, people at work knowing about it and maybe gossiping, and people potentially wanting to assault/murder me??? i feel so trapped.
1 note
·
View note
Text
An open letter to my family that will never be read since I don’t want to start fights with them:
A lot of people want to get back to business as usual. I get that. Life rn kinda sucks. But you can’t just expect things to go back to normal just because you are inconvenienced. You may not have be high risk, but look at what you want:
Schools/ universities fully open and in person-
ok so what about those that are high risk? Do you just say fuck em they don’t get an education? Do you force high risk teachers/ professors to make the choice between their keeping their job and taking the precautions they need to to stay healthy? What about the kids who go home from school each afternoon and accidentally bring it to their families?
Personally, I live on campus at one of the few universities that’s actually open. Let me tell you, I’m very glad for the opportunity to be on campus. I’m grateful for the opportunity of in person classes, I learn a lot better that way. But that being said, residence halls are a petri dish on a good day. We’re taking as many precautions as we realistically can at the moment, but even so, at least half my floor has had to isolate this semester. That’s not uncommon within my building or across campus. We’re already so isolated as is but I’ve fallen out of talking with so many friends just because I just never see them and it sucks. I wish we could be out of this, but I know it’s not realistic just because at least once a week one of my residents is texting me to ask what to do after they get tested or that they were tested, and quite honestly I know what college students are like. It’s not reasonable to pretend that being 100% open and back to normal will be a good choice.
You want to go out and do stuff-
You want to go out to dinner, to a bar, to the store, just out, but what about the people who have to work so you can do that? I understand you might want to go back to work, or go out and do something fun, I want to too. But there’s minimum wage workers that are forced to work so you can do that. Sure, people don’t have to work if they’re not comfortable with it, but if it’s their only source of income then they kinda do have to work because no one wants to help them out with some form of federal aid. So sure, those service workers don’t have to work, but then you don’t get what you want, you whine more, and complain about socialism ruining things, and they can’t pay for rent, bills, education, food, etc. so they actually kinda do have to work. Additionally, in the United States at least, HIPPA exists. You literally do not know what is going on with people and they do not have to tell you medical information if they do not want to. They might have family history, conditions, at risk family, etc. that you will never know about, which makes people hesitant to work but they’re still forced to for you. Also as a recent service worker, and as a person who has to work with a very diverse population every day while staying respectful of everyone’s beliefs and views none of those people get paid enough to deal with your bull shit. None of them. So please be respectful and kind, and grow up, find a way to entertain yourself without forcing people to work.
Masks-
Yeah sure they can be hot, even uncomfortable. I find both pants and shoes uncomfortable, but I still wear them. Seriously though, wear your mask regularly and you get used to it. It stops being hot and uncomfortable. You get used to it in your peripheral vision. You stop feeling like you can’t breathe because you don’t start breathing heavier from mask anxiety whenever you wear it. At some point it just becomes clothes, and, at least for me, it becomes weirdly intimate seeing other people’s noses and mouths, and seeing people you don’t know in public without them is weird and uncomfortable.
They also have the added benefit of keeping your nose warm if you live somewhere that’s really cold. And yeah they can be very hot in warm places but you still get used to it. [Where I live it goes from 85-90 minimum to 30 or below maximum (30-32°C to -1°C) for the day I’ve been on both sides of the coin.] Other benefits? Creepy guys don’t tell you to smile as often, you don’t have to worry about acne on that part of your face, you can fake smile with your eyes and no one is any wiser, other people’s brains fill in the rest of your face so it’s attractive to them.
There is the downside of masks for people who are deaf or HOH, but that is a specific case not every case. Honestly I don’t have a good immediate solution to this, but if everyone was taught sign language growing up it wouldn’t be a problem now.
In conclusion, people need to stop thinking of only themselves and realize that other people exist, and have complex lives, and that you can’t always tell when people have underlying conditions. You being inconvenienced because of your life being different than it has been does not entitle you to forcing others to do something, especially if that could put their or their loved ones lives at risk.
#the bread speaks#rant#wear your fucking mask#stop going out#think of others#you dont exist in a bubble and need to realize that
1 note
·
View note
Note
I recently burned both my hands (my right is better then my left rn) doing my art project and i was wondering if i could get a story with poly zenigata and goemon (i really love these two) taking care of their s/o who did the same thing
I really hope it isn’t as bad as in the scenario! Get well soon and please take care of yourself!! >___
Those two in a relationship would be too much for me. O_O I imagine them bickering the whole time. But it would be nice, too, because they both really care about their partner. So here you go:
This was bad. You had known it from the start and now your maddest nightmares had turned into actual human beings.
It had all started with this stupid project. You had loved it, the work, the imagination flying, everything was perfect. Until the oven was too hot and you just had to get it out of there before burning up. There was a big downside in working with clay.
But hey, the good part was: your project had turned out to be better than you had imagined yourself and your contractor, a rich snobbish man, had loved it and wanted to pay you even more than promised.
But back to the problem at hand – pun intended. You looked down at your bandaged hands, cursing softly, before looking up, watching the two men before you with a pang of guilt.
“I’m okay?” you offered at their stony faces.
They had fought the whole way to the hospital. Goemon was at fault for not watching you with your art project, while Zenigata was at fault for being away doing the grocery shopping. Everyone was at fault but the real guilty one: you. Art was your life and you had burned your fingers before while working with different materials. Sometimes the oven was too hot, sometimes you had seen a mistake while burning the clay and had decided to get it out of the oven without any protection. Shit happens. But this time was the first time with your two boyfriends being there.
“Are you sure? You’re a bit pale.” Zenigata leaned down to the sitting you and eyed you and your bandaged hands closely.
“Of course they are pale. Their hands are burned!” Goemon shoved him away just to do the same as him and to check your forehead for fever.
“Uhm, I hate to interrupt, but I actually am okay,” you answered with a lie. Your hands were the purest form of torture and you had to bite your tongue for not crying as the pain throbbed through the hands.
“Are you sure?”
“If they say, they are okay, they are.”
“Guys, please!”
In the evening you had escaped the affections of those two and now hid in the bathroom, hearing them shoving the guilt at each other in the living room. Finally you could cry without worrying them more. God, that did hurt!!! A finger was bad, but a hand? And not only one hand but both!! The pain was the meanest you had experienced for a long time, only surpassed by a broken leg when you were 5.
A knock interrupted your tears and you hurried to clean your face when you realized you had no chance to do so. Washing your face? Impossible with two bandaged hands!!
Slowly, looking down to hide your tear-stained face, you opened the door.
Zenigata didn’t say anything and just pulled you into a soft hug, letting you cry a bit more, venting a bit of the pain you felt.
“I am sorry,” you could hear Goemon say behind Zenigata’s back.
“We shouldn’t fight. We should think what we do now,” the Inspector agreed, swaying you to calm you down.
“I can’t even wash my face!” you admitted, feeling totally useless.
And when you had thought your life with them was bad? You hadn’t known what was about to happen.
Everything was taken away from you. Cleaning yourself? One of them was showering with you, careful not to get the bandaged wet.
Eating? You were now fed.
Going to the toilet? You had to lock the door to have the privacy! It was difficult wiping, but after the first painful tries you had found a way.
In the first moment you thought he was joking, when Goemon had offered you to take the oven out. But after a few seconds you were convinced that he and Zenigata wanted this thing gone to save you from further injuries. That was enough!
You had sat both of them down in the living room and had told them to leave the oven as it were! With red ears they had apologized and promise not to touch your stuff without your permission.
And then the next doctor appointment had come…
You cried openly as the doctor took off the bandages from your hands. Zenigata had you embraced in a tight hug and you leaned into him and just let your pain get the better of you.
Goemon had promised not to “over-react” as you had put it, but he was gripping his sword more tightly every sob of yours.
The doctor and the nurse helping him were so cute to you, giving you words of encouragement, making everything possible to take the pain away but it still hurt. The biggest shock was when you saw your own hands. Red and ugly flesh shined through the last compress, making you look away in sheer terror.
Zenigata hugged you more tightly and watched the whole ordeal unblinking, memorizing every step.
“I admit you are stronger than I thought.”
You were already half-asleep when Goemon joined you in bed, hugging you carefully not to disturb your sleep.
“I hate it,” you admitted and could hear him snicker over your head.
His hands slid over your back and you closed your eyes, cuddling a bit closer to him
“You are very brave. And admitting to dislike this procedure makes you stronger and more honest than me.”
Here you had to look up at him questioningly.
“I was too worried about your hands to think about anything else. Hands are important, yes, but the mind of the person is of utmost importance. Forgive me to have forgotten that.”
You smiled and hugged him, minding your painful hands. “I still love you.”
He didn’t respond but kissed the top of your head.
“Are you ready?”
You blinked at Zenigata’s smile and eyed all the things in front of him.
“What are you planning?” you asked him finally with a hint of panic.
“We are changing the bandages at home. The doctor told me he wants to see you once in a week. Everything else is too much stress for you.”
You had to admit he was right. The drive to the hospital, the waiting, all those doctors and nurses around you, had made you more panicky than the actual change.
But now you had to trust a police officer to do a doctor’s work?
“I noted everything down and the doctor gave me everything we might need. Sit down.”
You shook your head. This wasn’t about trust, this was purely wanting to avoid any more pain!
Strong hands gently pushed on your shoulders until you gave in and sat down. Goemon embraced you just as Zenigata had done so yesterday and you felt panic arise.
“What about the anesthesia?!”
“Remember the cream you applied a few hours ago?”
You nodded and suddenly realized that your hands had gotten numb from the place where you had applied the thick ointment.
“I apologize for misleading you about the mode of action of this ointment.” Goemon had told you this was a mere care product for your arms to help the unburned skin heal.
“Just close your eyes and give me your hands.”
You huffed and followed the orders.
It had hurt. And not only you were in pain.
“Koichi?”
He didn’t want to look at you. Making himself as small as possible he had hidden himself in the kitchen for you to find him there in a desperate mood.
“Koichi, look at me, please.” You knelt in front of him, hesitant to reach out for him.
“I hurt you.”
You smiled a bit at his low voice.
“It did hurt. But now? I have new bandages and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore,” you reassured him. You loved him for being so full of doubts but sometimes it was also very stressing.
“But it did hurt.”
This was the beginning of a spiral you didn’t want to go through again.
“Koichi Zenigata, you are a capable police officer, a great man and an even greater partner in this relationship. You didn’t hurt me, I did this to myself because I am stupid sometimes, okay?”
“You’re not stupid.”
You had to laugh. He was so stubborn sometimes and so cute while being a little donkey. You hugged him and kissed his cheek.
“And you didn’t hurt me.”
End of discussion.
With every passing day it was getting better. The help those two wanted to administer to you almost had gone to zero, giving you enough room to be independent but also to ask for help if you really needed.
They still helped you wash yourself, feeding you and even helped you dress yourself as these things were too much for your still bandaged hands. But the burns were healing nicely and at the last change you had the courage to watch Zenigata’s nimble fingers treating your wounds. He really did great work and you could lean back into Goemon’s hug with a small smile, trusting those two to take care of you for the rest of the healing process.
9 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
sketchbook-and-tony-adventures
Adventures in Lurning
deedeeandmandarkgr73-blog
İsimsiz
ghostlybluebirdpeach
Untitled
gitermav
Lord Pretty Flacko
semsipa
zombie