#the one person i go to for comfort doesnt wanna talk rn which is fine

[stateswscarlet]

Hi scarlet! So I realized that I felt like I was being held back. I’d love to hear your pov.

Storytime: I was in a long relationship so I got accustomed to having my person (sp). He was my person and basically my best friend that I told everything to, I have always been very private about my life but with him in the picture, I would tell him stuff and forget to inform any of my other friends. I’m also very antisocial and introverted so finding my person was literally a dream come true.

This also resulted in me not rly having any actual close friendships and although I had like one real friendship, she got a boyfriend and became the same exact way I was but even worse (she frl be neglecting me).

We shared a friend group though and so if I wanted to go out because I didn’t want to neglect my friends we would go or vise versa. We didn’t just suddenly abandon them yk. He was the extrovert in our relationship. I spent every single day with him. We also weren’t comfortable with having friends of the opposite gender (if they were our friends before it was good and ofc we could have convos with the opposite gender). So I was completely fine with this bc I just don’t be talking to anybody.

But once we broke up I felt like I was missing out on everything. He had his guy friends and even made girl friends (my assumption). He was going out and even with these girl friends. I had nothing to do with my days. Now I definitely want him back. But my eye twitches when I overhear this girl saying “It’s not funny you woke me up when you called me and asked me to run” or when she’s all touchy on him.

Since I certainly know that, that would NOT be happening if we were together. I certainly know that if I want to get back together with him even hanging out with my guy friends alone would bother him (I would be too) and I just can’t have that guilt of knowing I want him back and hanging out with and talking (being friendly) with guys while being single. Because I know once we get back together I would cut all these guys off in a heartbeat and we would have a conversation on what we did when we were not together. It’s just embarrassing yk.

He was so madly in love with me when we were together but once we broke up, he honestly embarrassed me and I don’t wanna embarrass myself even more doing all this stuff when I know for a fact I would drop all these guys in a heartbeat and never look in their direction if we got back together

Sorry this was so long! I just felt like I’m not living life how I should be and I seriously have no friends (which I’m fine with) but if I was with my man, I would be out everyday doing something.

you do realize you can apply the law to having your ideal social life/friends right? it doesnt have to remain exclusive to manifesting sp.

i completely get where you’re coming from, and as someone who is also an introvert and wasn’t really surrounded by a bunch of friends and USED TO mainly rely on my bf for a social life (him being the extroverted one), I will tell you right now that being this way may seem cute and feel normal on paper, but its the number one way to become codependent on your bf and the relationship you have. you don’t need a massive friendgroup or a booming social life, but you CANNOT be waiting on sp to liveyour life. idc what you do but you need your own independence and personality and hobbies aside from the relationship, and you should have at least one friend who you treat equally as your partner (manifest a best friend if theres no one u have rn).

as for your guy friends situation i just feel like you’re overcomplicating this too much, if you feel uncomfortable then don’t hang out with them, but also keep in mind you’re not in a relationship in the 3D, so it makes no sense to act like you are and cut them off (if they’re good friends) just because you “know if sp was here you’d cut them off”; well sp isn’t in your 3D as your mans so you shouldn’t be doing anything that you would do in a relationship. whatever you do in the 3D never conflicts with imagination because everything is neutral and you aren’t doing this to see it in the 3D.

also, you need to forgive sp for hanging out with girl friends bc to be fair you guys aren’t together in the 3D and I understand feeling annoyed, but that is something you need to work on yourself and move on from otherwise you’ll never stay loyal to your new state. it sounds harsh but i promise i was in your situation too, but he isn’t responsible that you choose to have a different (almost nonexistent) social life. theres no point being hurt and annoyed knowing damn well you’re choosing this for yourself day after day.

[domjaehyun]

Omg if you're chatty would you mind sending me some friendship help too😭😭

Tbh i figured this out to my best ability now but i think its always nice to get a second opinion, i had a friend since kindergarten and we were really close until high-school when we had a break off freshman year, for a short story, i told another friend something critical in a way about her which she told someone else and it got back to her, tbh its not as bad as you may think but early minds yk, i apologized alot and never said more about her but she talked mad shit behind my back to more people when i kept quiet and kept it between us anyways, later on we got it fixed ig, 10th grade for us was casually talking knowing we were still important to each other but i got really reserved i was finding myself out so i distanced myself from her and others who i felt didnt approve or support my way of coping, junior year we got better but because of our different interests we got a bit more cold, senior year, i think we got back in a way to how we were, could be maturing on both sides and finding comfort in each other but it was finally a chance to see ourselves good again, casual talks here and there have always been the norm but we really stopped doing that and when we did it was good until it was basically just me seeking her out, she had personal things going on majorly her becoming a mom, which i had to find through her sister, but i think this really ridged us because i knew she'd have a different chapter in her life which is fine but i dont want to feel bad for always seeking her out when she can do the same, sure i know its heavy to become a mom at a early stage of her life i completely understand, but should i feel like bad friend for not trying to help her more or should i leave as is because there's no hard feelings for letting ourselves kinda fall

omg *cracks knuckles* lets do this thing (under a read more in case this gets long / ppl just dont wanna see it djfgjksdf)

okay so right off the bat: finding out someone’s talking abt you behind your back, esp a close friend, really sucks so i feel for you :( i know technically you did it first but like. weighing it out, what you did doesnt sound as bad as what she did :( oof okay that’s a loaded question i think and there are diff answers i could give :///// lemme see

if she just became a mom and she wasnt expecting it—hell, even if she was—she could probably use a lot of patience and understanding right now. parenting is NOT easy and if she’s got other personal stuff going on, it sounds like she’s probably struggling and might not be as forthcoming about needing/wanting help as she should be. this is from my personal opinion, but i think that it would be a very kind thing of you to stick by her side rn esp w the baby !! she’s probably scared/stressed and losing a friend is a lot to handle esp bc you guys have such an entangled history together :(

when you say “trying to help her more,” what do you mean exactly? you can be a helpful friend, but don’t bite off more than you can chew!! when you say help, do you mean w the baby or with her personal issues? either way, it is valid to be concerned about her situation and even to voice your concerns to her (but in an “i care about you and want to make sure you’re doing alright with all of this going on” way…. tone and delivery are super important in a conversation like this) !!! however, if YOU’RE not in the state where you can handle being that kind of support, then i def don’t think you should feel like a bad friend. there’s this metaphor/quote i rly like that’s basically like “you can’t fill other people’s glass if yours is cracked” (i botched it but i hope you get the drift) and i like. try to live by that tbh!! like on airplanes when they say to secure your own mask first before helping others; you’re no good of a help if you don’t even have all YOUR ducks in a row !! so if you don’t think you feel up to helping (no one should be forcing you to, btw.. i hope u know that) her through the stuff w the baby and other personal stuff, i would maybe communicate that to her!! try smth like “i know you’re going through a lot right now and i don’t want to downplay that, but i just need you to know that i’m also having a hard time (you can say w what if you want or not! up to you) and i wish i could help out more but i just dont have it in me right now. i will be here for you as much as i can.”

but this goes both ways; miss girl is busy busy busy trying to keep a human baby alive and happy and post-partum depression is a bitch if she has it. either way the hormones go crazy dfjgskl but my point is that just like you might not be in the right place to help her out, she probably doesn’t have a lot of mental energy left to help you out either :( but yeah i think that becoming a parent (i mostly mean moms but there are other parents who struggle obvi…but im gonna assume she’s a single mom,,, if i’m wrong then whoops my b fjdgdfjkdfgs) or namely a single mom is a very sudden and scary thing if you don’t feel ready and sometimes even when you do !! if i were to imagine myself in her place, i’d be feeling very scared, stressed, worried, and lonely right about now. as much as you can help it, try to help her not feel so lonely? i wouldnt be saying this if i thought this was a doomed friendship btw like . i think you guys have been through a lot together and that she could really use a shoulder to lean on rn if you can manage it!!

when it comes to the reaching out thing, this part is tricky to me. sometimes in friendships, ppl fall into roles naturally. some people are more proactive and reach out more, whereas others, for whatever reason, don’t reach out as much. i’ll be real? i don’t reach out often … or like . ever really dfjgkgjkdf (i have my reasons !! don’t judge !!) but i really appreciate when people reach out to me bc i’m worried im annoying/burdening them so. if she’s anything like me, she might not want to burden you w her issues? so it could really mean a lot to her if you reached out every once in a while to let her know you’re thinking of her and you care about her !! maybe tell her you guys can skip the formalities when you catch up and stuff? i find that when my friends are really drained and i want to be helpful, i say smth along the lines of like “you don’t have to explain anything to me if you dont wanna; if you wanna text me at 4am to ask me my favorite noodle, i’ll just answer you, no questions asked.” i even tell some friends we can skip the “hi, how are you” stuff (i hate small talk like that anyway) bc they shouldn’t have to lie and say they’re good but they also shouldn’t feel pressured to dump their issues on you yknow?

this is so long dfgjksdfj sorry i rly do feel chatty rn :’) but i hope this helps even a little bit???? if you wanna send her a text saying smth similar to smth i said here, i wouldnt mind looking at it before you send it! GOOD LUCK I RLY DO HOPE THIS HELPED

#answered #advice #anon

[iloveyouphillipmorris]

i say this out of love. i think u should start taking responsibility 4 yr own existence. ur here wether u like it or not. u cant keep victimizing urself and just assuming that everyone else doesnt or wont like u. u have 2 actually try 2 understand the thoughts n headspaces of those around u and make an effort 2 be a good part of that. stop trying 2 escape into different realities, i know it brings comfort 2 u but there is such a thing as too much comfort and paths into self isolation. u have a future and ur decisions right now will be what determines it, and u will live longer than u expect right now. i hope things get better 4 u. keep making moves towards getting a reliable income, getting therapy, n furthering urself. ur doing great. i know u know its me, i just wanted 2 say my last peace b4 i part ways permanently. i dont want 2 keep in touch because i think u have hurt me in more ways than u recognize and i dont think i could rehash that rn n thats ok 4 both of us. i just hope u understand. be safe n well. xoxo

i don’t see thee point in sending things like this. you hurt me equally in ways you don’t understand, either. if you’re leaving, leave. i have a job, i have therapy, i’m on like 8 medication, i have a gallery show for thee entire month ov decemebr, im working with a local zine, i worked to get rick outtuv my life, i take care ov my home and family, i take responsibility for what i do. i didn’t used to but i do now.

if this is thee way you wanna do this, fine, but know it’s cowardly and i’m allowed to vent and talk here especially during a bipolar swing to a psychotic side which is yes, in my control. but it is almost equally outside ov my control. your monitoring helps me none cuz i know You know that you-know-who is still staking me. it’s just adding to my paranoia and anxiety. i do have few close friends, you know that, you were one ov thee 3. if i want to be alone, i deserve thee right to be alone. i was codependent on you and on you-know-who and V etc and it wasn’t good for me, iv grown distant from other people bcoz it’s Good for me to learn to be alone.

you’re reading my posts and extracting thee worst from them. it hurts like fucking hell you decided to go anonymous to tell me this when we breathed thee same air for almost a decade. i hope you know i would have come to you personally.

all that said, i will always love you. i just think it’s absurd that this is how you went about it. be well. bye.

[n0ct0urn1quet]

venting in the tags cause h

#i need. comfort rn #but #the one person i go to for comfort doesnt wanna talk rn which is fine #im not mad or anythin #i jus. hhbbg #i dont want to ask them for comfort and i dont want to bother them #but i jus :( #idk man im #stressed out #i need a distraction or something #this is gonna sound like me being an asshole and im not trying to be #i just #am worried about her and im stressed out and this is gonna sound rly weird but i fuckin. miss my dad #my mom was talking about him and now i just cant stop thinking about him and i dont know what to do im #so close to crying #and im just scared #and stressed out #and i need comfort or some sort of distraction #and i dont want to go message her cause she doesnt want to talk right now but also im just. i dont know #if you see this im sorrry

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

#ask answered #thank you this is brilliant #alt tlh #save for later #the last hours #tlh #anti cc #yes I'll be adding/thinking more about this I AM OBSESSED

[gayspock]

actually more trek rambles and general rambles abt fan stuff omg

like. idc im not getting into whatever messy shipping meta discourse some guys wanna engage in- not DEEPLY, like i got places to be! not here to argue abt whether this or this and this is pretentious this is silly this is reductive etc. etc or whatever it is BUT

i am . here to poke momentarily at the ONE facet of shippin or whatever in fandom wherein like. an unfortunate consequence of shipping dominating spaces and it flat-ironing some relationships is it jsut... idk , sometimes this perspective of like: this is the one couple that will exist! the end goal for these two people! and its fine when ur doing one approach, but when it omes to talking abt like. a media as a whole i just . i have never vibed with it honestly do u kno wht i mean?? LIKE in the sense of-

so mny ppl like. take their favourite shippy couple and its like. ah yes they got together; they never had a good relationship before this; and they will never have a good relationship after this; they exist only with each other and thats where they end up. WHICH IS FINE in that context of llike. shipping. whatever. but also- BUT alsoomg.... PLEASE separate it from me bc when i say i dont mind characters together i dont wnt ppl to think. its LIKE tht u know ?? DO U LITERALLY kno wht i mean bc i jsut. its not how im thinking of it babes</3

BC A GAIN. this is all part of my ds9 watch through. and im here to talk abt kira/odo and i think i mentioned this warming to the idea of them happening together. i dont think they work at all as a couple, in the romantic sense; and i think that theyre destined to come apart . BUT i like the narrative thread of like... them kind of drawing to one another and kind of ending

idc to think abt it in tht context of like. them being a couple-endgame-etc. i dont think thats right. whatever the fuck. but i do... or i am warming to the idea of them HAPPENING together.

like i said: i dont think they work at all as a couple, in the romantic sense; and i think that theyre destined to come apart, bc they dont have that sort of chemistry, and theyre after the wrong things at the end of the day. BUT i like the narrative thread of like... them kind of drawing to one another and kind of ending up in a relationship because of what theyve been through, and their respective issues and their preexisting connection and kind of just - them ending up as a thing, and experiencing being together before realising they just dont work and ending up as friends again. like i think that makes a lot of sense to happen????

bc the romance- it does feel wrong between them. but what i do see is them wildly misinterpreting their own wants or going to each other for the sake of thinking its right or for a comfort or for a safety thing and LIKE I SAID. them just experiencing something together and then them coming away from it and it could still be valuable to them? IM REPEATING MYSELF ARENT I.

AND i have no idea if thats how its ACTUALLY going to work out. theyre not even together in the show itself, yet, on my watch i just know that they happen at some point and idk if they ever even break up. its very possible the showrunners, uh... would not take that sort of approach to that, and might just keep them together for the sake of it and force a romance which. like THAT doesnt feel right to me personally bc im worried... a too hamfisted approach into fitting them into a formulaic thing would just warp them both in weird ways and its not letting the characters exist in their own right and that would kinda. ruin it for me and that would be disappointing bc theyre some of my faves like

odo i have said rn is a fave-fave; and kira is like... SHES UNDERDOG to me, bc i think if u asked me i wouldnt SAY her immediately but like. literally 75% of my fave eps are kira-centric ones, where shes carrying the ep. like i think hers are just usually really solid.

anywyas. hm. i had sth e- OMG OH YEAH.

bc tht weird thing abt shipping literally reminds me bc i was thinking this abt the uh. stuff with tos and snw coming out soon too and specifically abt spuh/ura (TAKING THT OUT THE TAG BC U KNOW WHY ITS MESSY OUT HERE) wherein i do have some similar sentiments ab them and how i like them in tht regard but its too late for me to unpack all of tht rn and omg . ppl are also crazy out there im not having weirdos come near mejelp

#egg.txt #star trek liveblog

[caandlelit]

HATE to that person but do you wanna give up some league in quarantine hcs, maybe with hawks depending on if you hate him rn

oh my fucking god ur asking me for quarantine hcs,,,,,,,, lets take a moment to acknowledge that thats a thing that you just did,,,,

like ill dO IT but like,,, after im done laughing my ass off 2020 is off the shits 

okay so this is like assuming that the league are all chill and vibing and alive at the time of corona alright

no one is in a glass jar pulling a mewtwo yet, no one is in jail with their past being revealed yet, no one is TRYING TO KILL TWICE

its corona time

so there would be absolutely no change in shigaraki’s behavior he already just sits around inside gaming and slash or planning a revolution and both of these are strictly indoor activities 

theyre not even allowed to take mariokart out of his room 

kurogiri forbid it after toga made an attempt on dabi’s life 

so shigaraki finds out theyre in quarantine when he realizes

dabi hasnt disappeared mysteriously and come back looking like someone mauled his neck for a whole week !

naturally he walks blearily out of his room at an ungodly hour bc he got thirsty and sees spinner, twice and toga playing monopoly while dabi sulks on the couch and hes like

‘what the fuck is going on’

kurogiri takes precautions !!!

not in a rich white person way 

more like

hes sanitizing the bar more often

he makes sure the gang has masks for if they feel the need to yolo and venture outside

he makes a dramatic speech 

‘so im sure ur all wondering why ive asked you here’

‘we cant leave kurogiri just get on with it’ - bitchy and tired and emo

hes embarrassed about it but he goes on 

‘please,,,, im begging you all,,,,,,, wash your hands i know some of you think of yourselves as above it but tomura i am begging-’

ok 

look im not calling him out or anything, no tomura hate i think hes very sexy (now... he wasnt at the start)

but does he LOOK like the kind of guy whos always washed his hands after pissing ? nO he looks like the guy who was recently cornered by his friends to under no uncertain terms, ‘wash your hair you can scheme later’

hes had a lot of character growth 

toga is really incredibly disappointed nothing is happening this sucks

sticks up a one of those small whiteboards up on the wall in the bar 

it says in bright red marker ‘⬜ days since quarantine’ 

shes also one of those ‘fearless’ kids,,,, 

shes like ‘no illness can hurt me im not afraid !!!’ 

sneezes once and she sits wondering if she should panic

starts wearing the mask,,,,

jin is kinda like 

just walking around as cool as you please

and compress, whos been freaking and panicking since day one, corners him and hes like ‘why ! arent ! you ! affected !’

‘i wear a mask !!!!!!!!!!! daily!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck could HAPPEN im basically in a hazmat suit im FINE’

compress is like ‘huh. reasonable’

spinner is unafraid he is a lizardman he will be okay

love him

boi got ,,, opinions,,,,,,,,

his take is that the government is either exaggerating because rich people are afraid

or that theyre hiding the full extent of the disease from news media

he doesnt know that its both

dabi is a walking talking freakshow

like okay hes horny and mad and sick and tired of being stuck at league hq 

he walks around with his eyes wide and unseeing and shigaraki is staring to get worried because he’s scaring the newbies

‘dabi what the fuck is wrong with you’

dabi, numbly: if endeavor dies because of coronavirus i’m going to hunt down the root of this virus and kill everyone starting with them

shigaraki exhales and purses his lips

slaps him on the back a few times in vague comfort and moves on

dabi’s also like

again 

‘really horny’

thats his excuse for why hes moping around 

when hes not bitching about endeavor to everyone who’ll listen

but he misses hawks

and he wishes he couldve been at hawks’ place when the quarantine was announced

hes complaining on the sofa to spinner on the first weekend as the rest of the league play risk, which shigaraki is dominating and absolutely demolishing everyone in

when

!!!!!!!! hawks appears !!!!!!!!

hawks at home on the fourth day of self isolation: *texting twice* sos please send teleportation guy ujiko whatshisname i miss u guys lol

twice, not knowing hes gonna kill him: aw okay fuck yeah ! bitch !

hawks at home ‘ahhh twice. what a nice guy. what a good dude. what a real homie’

hawks shows up at the league hq 6 days late with starbucks and tells himself hes using the quarantine as an excuse to get closer to the league but he misses dabi’s face 

appears and falls onto the risk board as dabi is mid sentence going 

‘god what id give to have him appear in my lap’

then everyone is shouting hysterically, shigaraki is pissed bc he was winning, toga is excited bc this is the coolest thing to happen in a week, twice is triumphant bc he organized this, dabi is stILL somehow complaining because ‘i said LAP was that TOO MUCH for the universe’ and hawks beams at the mayhem because he missed them

can u ??? tell im bitter ???? about something?????? 

#u can tell im out of practice lmao #dabihawks #league of villains #bnha spoilers #villainsquad #dabi #hawks #shigaraki tomura #keigo takami #toga himiko #spinner #twice #kurogiri #compress #ask #anon #hc #hcs

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

#xxxpauline

[homeforchristmas-au]

Character bios pt 2!!

Decided to continue the bios for the rest of the fam squad, the full extended family!! Might change things around a bit, we’ll see!!! Here’s part one in case you missed it :3

Emile Sanders (formerly Picani):

Age: 46

Pronouns: he/him/they/them

Height: 6’1”

Curly medium golden mahogany brown hair and sky blue eyes, subtly tanned skin covered in freckles, red framed rounded glasses, likes dressing like a cartoon character or just wearing cartoon merch (his prized possession is his Mabel pines jumper) but wears a brown cardigan over a white button down shirt with a pink necktie when he goes to work

A big goofball that has a lot of love to give, but he still knows when to be more subdued and calm and when to activate “serious picani”. He’s always loved helping people work through their issues which is why he’s a therapist

Like patton, he’s excellent at reading emotions, though he’s a bit better at it since he’s a professional

Has ADHD, but has developed the necessary coping skills to help keep his symptoms under control

Has two siblings; Catarina (Patton’s mother) and Leonard (Patton’s other uncle). Emile is the baby of the family while Leonard is the oldest

Emile met Thomas when they were both in college. They shared an ASL class and quickly began getting along, and frequently practiced sign language together and feelings developed from there

It was quite some time before they got married, but it was well worth the wait

Thomas Sanders:

Age: 43

Pronouns: he/him

Height: 5’10”

The standard character Thomas look; floppy medium brown hair, chestnut eyes, fair skinned, wears the same three shirts periodically for five years until he buys three new shirts, the usual stuff

He’s a sweet, down to earth guy. Loves cartoons almost as much as Emile does, has a passion for pizza, theatre, and the cats of the world he’ll never be able to pet without dying. He can be impulsive at times, but his heightened anxiety oftentimes outweighs that

Has three brothers named Christian, Patrick, and Shea, but I won’t describe them in depth cos I don’t wanna get any facts wrong since this is based on Thomas himself oop-

I’m literally just describing the canon character Thomas except slightly older im-

There’s like nothing else to add to make this fun and unique it’s just character Thomas welp

Thomas and Emile’s kids:

Anton Sanders:

Age: 16

Pronouns: any/all

Height: idk uh ??? 5’7” ???

Medium length wavy black hair, electric blue eyes, fair skinned with a beauty mark on his right cheek beneath his eye, usually wears fashionable clothes and declares himself an eleven, often wears scarves and turtlenecks (almost exclusively black) as well as his round mirrored sunglasses

Can and will kill you with a single look. Especially if you mess with his family. He’ll never admit it but he loves them with everything he’s got, even if he never acts like it for even a moment

Especially adores Remy and respects that they’re discovering themself and exploring new possibilities. He knows from experience how tough that is and how much of a challenge it can be

Was adopted at age three after his parents were busted for child abuse and heavy drug addiction. It took quite some time for him to come out of his shell but Emile and Thomas were nothing but patient and loving and kind. He still has a lot of trust issues but he knows he can trust his family

Will never admit it now but became insanely jealous when remy was adopted into the family. He did not want a brother because he knew that meant he was being replaced and he wasn’t loved anymore

Eventually Thomas and Emile sat him down and they all talked through it and assured Anton that he was still loved and he was not being replaced

It still took a very long time for Anton to trust Remy, even if he was only a baby

His heart was won over when Remy said his first word to him

All he said was “no” but Anton admired his defiant spirit

also yes this is the Critic how did u know

Remy Sanders:

Age: 12 (birthday January 16)

Pronouns: he/him/they/them/it/its

Height: damnit how tall are 12 year olds

Shoulder length hair dyed dark purple at the roots that fades into magenta at the ends (hair colour changes periodically depending on what it feels like having), chocolate brown eyes, fairly dark skinned but not heavily so, gender expression changes at the drop of a hat but it often wears leather, skirts, beanies, and a heck ton of earrings (when it turns eighteen it starts getting a lot of different piercings like angel bites, nostril, and industrial piercings, etc) (that’s worth noting)

Almost always sarcastic but that’s its way of showing love really. It’s a helluva punk that can and will fight anyone to the death if they deserve it (or if they hurt someone Remy likes). It’s actually a huge nerd but doesnt usually show that side of itself. It loves reading, watching shows like doctor who, and doing puzzles with Logan

Was diagnosed with adhd after Emile noticed it experienced similar symptoms for quite a while

Was adopted by Thomas and Emile when it was a baby (and Anton was four), having been found by Emile when it was left in a box in an alleyway, which was a long and complicated process but one hundred percent worth it

It has a trio of male rats named Holmes, Watson, and Splinter. Thomas was a bit reluctant to let it adopt rats but they all went to a rat breeder and when Thomas saw them all and even held one he realised it wasn’t so bad and they were actually kinda cute

When it was nine years old, it nearly died in a nasty hit and run. A truck had swerved into it when it was by the side of the road. It was fine after a lengthy recovery except it had to use a wheelchair after some spinal cord damage left it immobilised from the waist down. The driver was never identified

It probably wasn’t a coincidence that this event occurred not long after remy started talking about how much it loved boys just as much as it loved girls, but that teas a bit too hot for this post

Logan’s sisters:

Ellen Adams-Waterson:

Age: 26

Pronouns: she/her

Height: 5’6”

Light auburn hair going just barely past the shoulders, honey eyes, fair skinned though mildly tanned, covered from head to toe with freckles, red framed rectangular glasses, usually wears clothes for comfort and especially likes turtlenecks

She’s a determined, steadfast kinda gal who fights for whats right and gives everything she has for her loved ones, especially her immediate family. Although she can be pretty blunt with her words she’s also kindhearted and wants whats best for everyone

She’s an avid writer, and has actually published a novel. She also dabbles in fanfiction and is unashamed about it

She’s married to a wonderful wife named Elizabeth and they have a daughter named Kaylee (15)

She’s also been trying to quit smoking but so far that has yielded no results

Ashley Fletcher (formerly Adams):

Age: 24

Pronouns: she/her

Height: 5’10”

Long light ash brown hair that reaches her tailbone that she keeps parted to the right, electric blue eyes, fair skinned and a face full of freckles, black rectangular glasses, tries to be fashion forward but mostly just wears T-shirts and denim jackets

She’s a trans woman and has been transitioning for a few years now with lots of support from her family. She’s a nice person but let’s people walk all over her a bit. She doesn’t like confrontation much because of her anxiety disorder, but she’s trying to get better with that

Loves acting and wants to pursue it as a career, but her anxiety makes it difficult to put herself out there

Married to a trans man named warren and they have a son named jack (11) and a daughter named Emma (6)

She met warren at a pride event with Logan and Patton, and it was actually Patton who met him first (although at the time he went by a different name and didnt know he was trans yet) and then introduced him to the others

They actually talked about adopting a child long before even considering marriage. Although they realised it would look better to adoption agencies if they were married, and that was the main reason they even went through all of that

Renae Adams:

Age: 21

Pronouns: she/her/he/him

Height: 6’8”

Short wavy hair dyed bright pink, amber eyes, fair skinned, a black *dabs* styling pair of Warby Parker’s, often wears high neck shirts and suit jackets, basically always business casual because she can, and loves wearing hoop earrings

There are two sides to Renae; either stone cold businessperson or happy go lucky memelord with a heart of gold. She’s a lot like Logan in that regard, although it’s harder to predict what side of her you’ll see at any given moment. She can either be a super soft bean or the scariest person on the planet

Has been dealing with OCD her whole life, and sometimes it gets particularly bad (especially the intrusive thoughts) but she has a therapist and psychiatrist she sees somewhat regularly

She runs her own coffee shop called Real Bean Café and it does fairly well. She’s always thinking about how she can improve her business

She’s aroace so she isn’t in a romantic relationship but she is in a queerplatonic relationship with a beautiful enby named Pigeon

They actually met in her coffeeshop. Renae saw Pigeon’s Attack on Titan T-shirt and was immediately compelled to talk to them

And that is it for part two of the character bios!!! Might make another post talking about Logan’s sisters’ kids and partners but idk we’ll see 👀

I just really like character designs man lmao

Lemme know if I need to tag anything else my brain box isn’t generating the required tags rn lmao

#ts ​home for christmas #thomas sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides au #thomile #thomas x picani #thomas x emile #emile picani #adhd picani #adhd emile #character thomas #remy sanders #critic sanders #it/its use #car accident mention #hit and run mention #injury mention #ocd mention #long post

[comicsnas]

showtime

WARNING: eye gore!!, violence Disclaimer: this is..... an au where guy fieri isnt a cool and chill dude that just likes food. i am very sorry for what i do to him in this. i dont mean it and if the cops knock at my door i will blame it on hussie word count: about 3.7k. i am so sorry

context john gets kidnapped by his mom dave doesnt panic

Los Angeles, CA, Wednesday

“No matter what happens, nobody cancels the premiere,” you say. “Okay? No matter what’s in the news. No matter how bad it gets. The movie drops on Thursday, and people are gonna watch it. Got it? This is a scare tactic and we’re not falling for it. Even if the world is ending, we are premiering this movie and going through with the promo. With or without me.”

Catalena, your manager, has been with you for too long to think that you’re joking. She was who flew you in from Houston to LA back when you were twenty, who let you sleep on your couch until you made enough money to get an apartment, who thought that the message you had for the world was one worthy of her help. She knows that all of this is real, and that she can’t stop you.

Her face says, Dave, you’re scaring me. Her mouth says, “You got it. Could you at least tell me… what you think is going to be in the news that would make us not premiere it?”

“Something bad,” you say. “Hopefully, anyway.”

She tilts her head. “Are you faking your death?”

“Lalonde and I are gonna disappear for a sec,” you say. “How people interpret that is gonna be up to them.”

“Not like you to leave things up to chance,” Catalena says. “Some will think it’s elaborate PR.”

“That’s why I’m only telling you. Lalonde and I are gonna frame this to look serious, and no one else is gonna know what’s going on. You keep your cool, but don’t let anyone know that you’re in on it.”

“I mean, I barely am.” She gives you a Look, a capital L Look, then sighs and nods. “Fine. So if I hear about your presumed death tomorrow, I won’t freak out. At what point am I allowed to assume you are actually dead, and freak out a little bit?”

“If you don’t hear from me in a week,” you say, “then Lalonde and I have been killed by Betty Crocker.”

Houston, TX, twelve years ago

You’re blind.

That’s not true. You’re not blind. You don’t think you are going to be blind. There is no way that you’re fully blind, because the assassin only got your right eye, so it doesn’t make sense for you to be blind, but you’re blind.

The pain might originate from your right eye, but it’s engulfing your entire head by now, and there is something sticky in your left eye and you can’t open it anymore and it burns, and you’re going to go blind, and then you’re going to die in a ditch, in a pool of your own blood, and this is it. It’s over. You and your half sister fucked around on the internet a bunch, got really deep into some conspiracy theories, and barely two weeks after you made the discovery that Betty Crocker definitely, undoubtedly, literally is an actual alien, someone was sent to kill you.

They didn’t manage, so far. They got your eye, and they broke your glasses, leaving a cut on your nose, and a bunch of cuts everywhere else, and you think you cracked your head open when you fell. But you cut their knife hand off, good and clean off, watched it fall to the ground right in front of you. By the time it hit the pavement, the assassin had already turned around and ran away, leaving you to crumple and suffer here by yourself.

This is it.

“Strider?” Rose says. Before the blood trickling into your good eye ruined your vision, you managed to dial her number and call her up, and now you’re lying on your side with your phone pressed to your ear, imagining her in her college dorm room in New York. You were going to visit her there, years ago, after you ran away from your parents. It never worked out. Neither of you has the money. You really wish you could have seen her at least once.

“Yeah,” you croak. “You at home?”

“At the dorm, yes. What’s going on?”

“You gotta go. She sent someone after me, she’s gonna come for you too. If she knows that I know, she’ll know that you know.”

One of the most comfortable parts of friendship with Rose, you’ve found, is that she never asks you to clarify what the fuck you’re talking about. Either she just lets you ramble, or she knows exactly what you mean. “Shit,” she hisses, and you can hear rustling on her side of the line, hopefully from her getting ready. She probably has a getaway bag somewhere, you think. You have one, but not on you right now. It’s too late for that.

“They’ve already hit me, so whoever she sent to you can’t be far,” you say. You try to blink your eye open, but then it hurts the other more, and it burns. You can’t even tell where exactly. It just burns. “Hurry up, Lalonde.”

“They’ve hit you?” she echoes, still rustling, breathing into the phone. On the move. Good. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you say. “Gonna call an ambulance after this. Just get the fuck out and text me later, yeah?”

Rose pauses. You can hear her pause, you can hear everything go very silent for a second. She says, “You called me before you called for help?”

“Yeah,” you say. She told you, once, that there is a quick and easy way out the window of her second-storey dorm room, that lets her balance over to her girlfriend’s room only a few windows ahead. She can’t hide there, it’s too close, but it’s a start. She’ll figure it out, she always will. She was the first person to ever have your back. “Of course I did.”

On a plane, Thursday morning

“What’s on your mind?” Rose asks.

You’re leaned back, staring out the window, listening to the clicking of her knitting needles next to you. The pilot here doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, just that he is flying two rich people and their car to Washington, DC. Your Mustang is in the cargo part of the plane, a vital part of the plan. You’ll torch it later. It was the first car you bought with your own money, after SBaHJ had become big and you had finally paid off your hospital debt.

Rose’s apartment isn’t that old, she got it after Roxy was born and she decided to move to Los Angeles, so you could help each other babysit. Trashing it still felt wrong. A home is a home, but you wanted it to look broken into, to make sure that people put two and two together. This isn’t a Dave Strider marketing scheme, you both got hit. After all the work that you’ve done, at least some of the public should understand what that means.

“Us,” you say.

“That’s very sentimental,” she says. “Are you sure you aren’t mourning your car again?”

“Shut up,” you say, and blindly swat at her, hitting her elbow. She hits you back, hand slapping your shoulder. “It’s a good car.”

Rose hums. When you look at her, she’s already back to knitting. You have no idea what she’s making, but it looks like a onesie for an octopus. “We will be fine,” she says. “We have to.”

You nod, and go back to staring out the window, thinking about what Alma said. “It’s just,” you say quietly. “We gotta start thinking about the endgame, here, don’t we.”

“Start?” Rose echoes. “Dave, we know the endgame to this. We’ve known for a while. The second you landed in the hospital with a cut inside your eyeball, you and I both knew that this would end in death.”

You don’t say anything. She’s right, of course she is. You knew then, and she knew, as soon as you texted her from your hospital bed, and she texted you back from a Greyhound bus. And you tried to forget, you both did, for a very long time. You almost managed, for a whole decade, until last year, someone made you scared and angry enough to ram a sword through his throat. Until Rose came and disassembled the body on your rooftop, and then helped you burn it. Reality has caught up with you, and someone is going to die.

The clicking of her needles has stopped again. You turn your head to look at her, and she’s looking back at you, and her face seems younger than it should be. She is just as scared as you are. Neither of you ever wanted it to go this far. Neither of you wanted to kill.

“I don’t like it either,” Rose says. “But someone is going to wind up dead, and it sure as shit isn’t gonna be us.”

Washington, DC, now

)(IC: u comin or what TG: yeah about that

You’re on the hood of your car. The children -- and Sally, John’s pet hedgehog -- are with the one sitter you still trust. Rose is in position, which means she is at a remote location outside the city holding Guy Fieri hostage. She has sent you a picture of him tied to a chair and gagged, which means that it’s go time.

All according to plan.

TG: how about you come kill me somewhere else instead of home sweet home )(IC: why would i do that TG: dying mans last request? )(IC: stfu lol this is so obviously a trap TG: wow ok so is yours )(IC: fair TG: just thought that you know TG: john means something to both of us and dont try to tell me no because i know he does TG: so like can we maybe duke it out somewhere where i wont accidentally blow him to smithereens TG: innuendo intended )(IC: UG)( )(IC: gross TG: lmao TG: anyway bethany you know me and you know im comin with c4 in my backpack if im comin TG: do you really want that around your son or can you just get off your ass and meet me here so john stays safe )(IC: u reely think ya have a fighting chance to even get that far )(IC: buoy you set one foot in my house and ya get spearfished TG: yeah not really making a great point for me to come there rn TG: just thought maybe youd wanna be with your guy guy )(IC: who TG: you know TG: guy the guy )(IC: tf

You text her the picture that Rose sent, just Guy Fieri looking miserable, no indication of whether or not you or Rose are with him.

)(IC: )(-EY )(IC: motherglubber what do u think yoar doin TG: yoar??? TG: thats literally not a word. wym you oar?? what TG: anyway im gonna dismember this asshole if you dont agree to keep john safe and come here and im gonna start with the frosted tips )(IC: FIN--E )(IC: cant effin wait to be done with you )(IC: ill come krill ya if its so shrimportant just gimme the location TG: ok shrimportant is actually pretty funny TG: [coordinates] TG: see you soon

She drives a fuchsia Jaguar that looks like Xzibit threw up all over it, because of course she does. You watch it leave from your perch on your Mustang, then slide off the hood. shes gone, you text Rose. get ready to bounce

Before you leave, you turn back toward you car, and gently pat the roof. “See you soon,” you repeat, “for one last ride.”

Look, it’s a good car, alright.

Later on in the plan, once you’ve convinced John to come with you, and Rose has joined you in the no doubt brutal course out of the house littered with security guards, the three of you will pack into this car, and you will drive. You will be tailed, you know you will. Rose and you estimate two to three SUVs with more security personnel that will follow you, and sooner or later, you won’t stand a chance against them.

So, you’ll call the cops. You don’t usually do this -- even during all these years, neither you nor Crocker ever called the police on each other, and technically, you still won’t, today. You will just anonymously call authorities, and tell them about a burning car by the side of the road. Then you will hang up, and you and Rose and John will hop out of a moving vehicle as you crash your beloved Mustang and have it go up in flames. Authorities will come and find Dave Strider’s infamous car, and hopefully that’ll get people talking.

Crocker’s guys will hopefully exit their cars and go looking for you, or at least for John. It’s an easy con from there -- while they look, you will steal their SUVs and drive off toward your safehouses. Simple. No sweat.

“This better work,” you mutter to yourself, then leave your car behind and start climbing the fence around Crocker manor.

You’ve been here once before, while she was out and John was showing you around. You weren’t actively trying to case the place back then, just spending time with your boyfriend and checking out where he grew up, but you couldn’t help how curious you were. You still remember the most important spots, and you did your best to paint a proper picture of them to Rose (you drew a map in MS Paint), so now you have a pretty good idea of where you need to go.

The guard posts, of course, are randomized. You’ll have to take these as they come, and you feel prepared enough, with just your sword and a handful of knives. You’re wearing the kevlar you wore to the Oscars. You’re gonna be fine.

It’s a race against time now, knowing that there is no guarantee when Crocker will be catching on and returning to her house, and knowing that you stand no chance actually fighting her face to face. You climbed in toward the side of the house, because it’s the shortest distance between fence and wall. The front and back yards are ridiculously huge and opulent, and while you would have plenty of gaudy statues to hide behind, you’re not looking to make your way through there.

The first guard spots you right as you hop down off the fence, and your knife is in his shoulder before he even finishes drawing his gun on you. He’s also wearing a vest, but those don’t stop blades, and you take offense in knowing that she made them dress up like that. As if either you or Rose were going to show up with guns. She really doesn’t know you at all. You knock out the guard with a hit of the knife grip against his temple. Maybe you can get through this without deaths.

One of them you comfortably take out from behind a useless fountain placed in this part of the garden for some reason, appreciating how quiet and low-key you can be about it so far. The bigger the ruckus, the sooner she’ll return, so having them all go down in silence is your best case scenario.

It’s the third guard that ruins your track record. You’re almost at the house wall, and you know you’re under the right window, which means all you have to do is scale it and climb right into John’s room, but for that to work you need to have a clean path behind you. Which you don’t, you realize the second a bullet hits your back.

Your vest catches it, but the momentum still knocks you down, and you scrape both of your palms open on the weird break between lawn and pavement. You hate this fucking garden. Who lives like this? You’re gasping for breath and trying not to inhale any grass, dealing with the reality that this is the first time someone has shot at you and actually hit you, and the bullet might not have penetrated skin at all, but Jesus Fucking Christ it still feels awful. Like someone kicked you in the spine, only with a bullet instead of a foot.

Onward. You hear footsteps behind you, and now it’s your turn to kick, hitting them in the face with your boot in the same motion that you’re pushing yourself up from the ground. As they curse and stumble, you draw your sword, but they catch their footing quickly, and you know you only have a split second to act. That gun is pointing at you, again, or still, and they’re going for your head this time, and if you don’t fight now, the journey ends for you here. Someone is going to die, and it sure as shit can’t be you. Your arm darts forward.

The sword goes through their vest, their ribs, and their heart -- you wouldn’t call it smoothly, you really wouldn’t. You can feel resistance with every inch, you feel it right up to your shoulder, and you hate it, and it makes you want to throw up, but you can’t, now. You shove them off your blade and watch them crumple to the ground, and turn right back toward the wall. They are not getting up again. That’s on you, and you can deal with that later. You have to get moving.

Your phone vibrates.

You manage to pull yourself up on a balcony and crouch there, hiding from whatever is going on in the yard now. Other guards must have heard the shot being fired, so you really need to get the fuck out of sight, but this has to do, for now. If Crocker is messaging you, you have to respond, so she doesn’t think you’re in her goddamn garden.

)(IC: yo )(IC: send me proof yoar still with him )(IC: almost there this betta be worth it TG: one sec

As expected. All according to plan, so far. You hope the blood on your sword won’t make the sheath sticky. You’ll have to clean it, later. You don’t want to.

TG: shes asking for proof TG: go ahead. sorry TT: No worries. TT: I know we don’t endorse violence, but honestly, Dawon, after being in a room with him for this long, I am quite happy to do this.

She sends you a picture, and you grimace at your phone. It takes a lot to make you grimace, as a Strider born and raised -- at the same time, you’re not easily shocked or grossed out, but this isn’t great to look at. Fieri’s eye has been pulled from its socket, dangling down his cheek suspended from the nerve, a hole in the eyeball. You hope Crocker won’t be able to tell that this was done with a knitting needle, and forward the photo to her.

TG: hows this )(IC: )(--EY FUCK OFF )(IC: stop i reely like guy 38( TG: yeah well i really like john TG: eye for an eye TG: hurry it up im waiting and theres a second eye to gauge out )(IC: ten minutes )(IC: ur gonna be so sorry buoy

TG: 10 mins TT: On my way.

Okay. Crocker is on her way to a location where there will only be Guy Fieri and a set of elaborate boobytraps which you know won’t kill her, but hopefully slow her down. Rose is on her way here, to help you and John get out of here. That’s plenty of time you still have. Things are going suspiciously well, you think, before you remember the ache in your back and the fact that you killed someone.

You have to get to John.

He’s another two floors up, but you are right in front of a balcony door. For a second, you wonder if you could get into the house from here and do the rest from inside, so you don’t present yourself to the mob of people with guns in the garden. Unfortunately, before you can do that, another person with a gun appears on the other side of that door, mouths an angry what the fuck at you, and draws an assault rifle. Alright, well.

The thing that has mostly kept you from becoming too violent in the past is the fact that you’re fast, and you’re a great climber, so when you hop backward onto the banister of the balcony and pull yourself up to the next one above you, it happens so fast that nobody in the garden reacts. It’s after you’re already crouching behind the balcony, thankfully made of robust concrete, that the shots start hitting it. You do nothing, count the bullets, wait for them to get rid of half of their magazines down there. Then you pull a knife, peek over the balcony, and throw it right into someone’s bicep.

More shots. More ducking and counting. You have two more knives to throw, and you do, rinse and repeat. The people down there are very angry with you now, and very much still able to shoot, but you figure at least their aim will be off, and they’ll be slower. You hope. You haven’t held a gun yourself in fucking forever.

You take a breath, and jump up to grab the balcony you know belongs to John.

As soon as you’re in the open, another bullet hits your back, further toward your side this time, and you almost let go. You let out an undignified noise instead, and hold on harder, focusing all you have into your arms to pull yourself up. Shots are ringing in your ears, and one hits the concrete right next to your head at almost the same time that another one grazes your leg. You hiss in pain, grunt in exertion, pull, pull, and roll yourself onto John’s balcony.

Someone in the garden yells, “Motherfucker!”

You sit, curled up, and pull apart the tear in your pants with your aching fingers to check the wound. It’s not deep, certainly not as bad as the chunk of missing flesh you have in your arm from being shot at last year. It’s fine. You’ll forget about it in a second, when your newest problem will be telling your amnesiac boyfriend that he needs to come with you.

You pull yourself up into a crouch, not more. You don’t want to risk getting shot in the head as you finally face him, so you just do it like this. Hunkered down, disheveled and bloody, you lean forward and knock on John’s window.

#posted ooc #action post #woof #eye gore text - #graphic violence - #eye trauma - #the rest of this will happen in discord :') #mentioned: #fontjoke #comedianrhapsody #mindparkour #jakepalooka sort of

[didsomeonesayventus]

ESSAY TIME I love a ship please come hang out w/ me on this dinghy or like. dont because fates is awful and I can’t blame u for dodging that bullet but i just wanna scream because i love them and they’re the fixation rn so 321 GO

i cant blame anyone for not really seeing this because their support is. Ok. Its alright. Not amazing, it’s serviceable, better options are out there in fates I'll concede. Corrin has like. At least 3 other love interests who feel more canon LMAO but this isn’t about them

It's more from elsewhere in their characterization that really made me adore them and, as I mentioned in tags, a lot of this comes from how I write them which. Is largely filed under rp stuff right now but more ramble time on how i write them i guess dont forget to mark your free bingo space for throwing out large swaths of fates canon and writing.  Also we're scooting their canon support gently to the side because it’s ok it’s not the most offensive writing this nightmare scrap heap of canon has to offer but a massive missed opportunity.

PART 1- One (1) Corn, With a Side of Emotional Neglect

*makes vague gesture at Disney's Rapunzel* Corrin would have been so much better recieved if the devs just took some notes from you instead of writing such a flat character i swear.

Corrin in particular with how I write her is getting a pretty massive rework in the emotionally stable department because honestly I don’t believe she would be. like. She's not dumb, but she is naive, important distinction, and it ends up coloring her views a lot and I have a ramble on that over here on the inverse graph that is Corrin’s confidence but to dissect where her attitudes came from:

Her family was limited to visits, and she has been directly/implicitly blamed for this for roughly a decade and a half, at least a decade, by not being an insane king's definition of strong enough to be with them. Bad memory makes her frail, swordsmanship isn’t up to par, doesn’t seem to offer much else in terms of skills unlike Xander, a Certified Badass(tm), Magic-oriented Leo and Elise, and Magically gifted but just plain ruthless Camilla. She’s held at arm’s length from her family, and while her siblings may have always loved her and expressed that love as often as they could, they’re not always there or a good yardstick to measure her progress with, and she had to always watch them go and likely wonder when they would come back, or if they even would.

As for our beloved butler and maids, being surrounded by servants was probably her most constant and consistent source of contact, and she does love them, but it can be very easy to wonder if they love her because they do or because it's their job to.

Corrin's faith in everyone around her and unwavering trust is there because any sort of doubt is basically redirected to. her. Because she is the dumbass who's still figuring the world out. She's hyper aware she's still learning and making naive decisions and she overcompensates that with "well what do I know" and not feeling really all that worthy to be Special Protagonist. She doubts herself before almost everything else.

Brief mention of Dragon arc because fates was dumb and neglected an entire arc for dragon feelings beyond chapter 5 and foreshadowing for Dad(tm) but I also write in an arc of the Dragon Is A Metaphor For Loving Yourself Faults And Trauma And All Love Yourself And You Can Control Yourself Dammit.

*Corrin hurt herself in her confusion!*

The way I write Corrin is not nearly as put together and confident as Canon™️ Corrin is, at least for a good chunk of the plot. She fakes it till she makes it because she is a leader and being mopey will not get things done but she’s also very self critical and mopey on the inside and quite paranoid that people don’t actually like being around her and just. ball of stress and anxious hidden under Many a uwu that she doesn’t want to talk about because why should she complain her childhood wasn’t That Bad and if she’s mopey how can she set a good example and people don’t like debbie downers and look its fine its fine lmao

PART 2- Mr. Perfect

As for Mr. Subaki he puts a lot of time and effort into looking perfect. I emphasize that because he may very well have natural talent, but honestly it feels like a large amount of his perfection is just. Stressing himself out by planning for and rehearsing everything possible! God this anxious idiot I love him!!! He's sociable and agreeable, but I think with basically everyone it’s. Skin deep. He’s charismatic Enough, and he digs a bit into the other’s history and personality if he’s interested, but he never really lets the other reciprocate like a magician never revealing his fraudulent secrets.

Biggest problem with that is he can't open up and vent because that is to admit a flaw and no no cant have that we cannot have that so he's just. Not sure who to turn to and has trouble being emotionally honest- even to himself. He just! Doesnt let himself have fun or relax; all perfect all the time baby. There’s basically no one who he could consider a close and trusted friend who can love him flaws and all. The closest would be Sakura and Hana and welp. gotta keep things professional and it’s not like Hana really expresses a sense of understanding and patience when they’re fiercely competitive with each other.

There’s probably a lot of muttering to his pegasus while he’s cleaning her hooves or braiding her mane, or staying up late thinking about how narrowly disaster was and wasn’t avoided that day but he. Also doesn’t really vent and also feels that imposter syndrome of “I’m honestly awful how did I even make it here.”

and it stinks because I think at his core he is a very sweet and caring guy and a massive dork, but he just plops himself on the edge of a pedestal and gives himself no room to be himself or anything less than perfect and is likely on the cusp of impending burnout.

you dumb anxious idiot i have S-Ranked you every fucking time I open this godforsaken game I didn’t even fucking plan for this

PART 3- (Patrick Warburton impression) “Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.”

So our characters and stage are set. We got FE Fates (I’ll default to Rev), we got my views when writing these two, so what next? What is the general plot I imagine since we’ve gently scooted aside the canon support chain?

The dumbasses-to-be think they’re out of each other’s league.

For Subaki, it is plot-irrelevant background character falling in love with the protagonist, which yields the exact sort of pining you’d imagine: man you are super cool and hit all my standards but I’d be dreaming if you felt the same about me. She’s sweet, she takes charge, she can fight for herself well enough, has he mentioned she’s sweet? He can actually relax a bit around her which is really odd but I guess that’s what happens when your personal skill is literally called “Supportive”. Oh yeah and also his Lady’s older sister which oof. Sakura? In law???? Hinoka in law???? Takumi in law?????????? ryoma in law oh gods.

For Corrin, it’s Mr. Prince Charming right there and he’s very nice and Sakura is saying so many nice things about him but wow she’s. a princess from a country that has consistently terrorized his and on top of that might a well have been raised under a rock!!! And she picks up details and nuances in people remarkably well, but she overthinks them. She can pick up that Subaki- while very polite and friendly -isn’t being entirely forthcoming about what he’s thinking or feeling, but she can’t pin down exactly what it is, and makes the educated guess that he's just being nice because she’s Sakura’s sister or something.

And they’re friendly. They help each other out a bit. There’s tension, sure, but no one really comments on it (except for everyone making bets in the bg). They don’t really yield on their internal messes because Corrin knows she’s a leader and can’t really do that and distracts herself with believing in everyone around her, Subaki just flat out would rather do literally anything besides admit he’s messed up anywhere or open up. So feeling are put on a low simmer for awhile.

Of course they fall in love, and it almost gets messed up because when Subaki requests to talk with her in private to confess, she immediately assumes he’s going to tell her that he’s not interested. Her simmer roars into a boil because she’s been under Protagonist Stress ON TOP OF having a crush she’s confident won’t be reciprocated, so she snaps quite a bit because that has all been shoved in a bottle and she just wants to get the mess over with if he’s just going to tell her very nicely that her company is lovely but hes not interested it hurts a lot to think that but its fine you don’t have to settle.

But the thing is being emotionally vulnerable like that, pointing out she’s scared too of always not being enough and living up to expectations, to finally get that off her chest, spurs him into it, too. Because she gets it. She honest to god gets it even if she bought into the lie he’s perfect she understands. Oh, yeah, she also reciprocates feelings that’s really excellent too. Like Subaki probably makes a lot of fuss about a bunch of ultimately meaningless details and having “standards” and yadda yadda gods help whatever poor soul asks him to pull out the list of traits of his ideal partner, but I think at the end of the day if he’s looking for love most of all, like a lot of people he just wants someone who he can just. be himself around. Who likes it when he’s being himself!

And they both learn that yeah maybe they’re more flawed than they’ve been lead to believe, but it starts to not matter at all because they still try really hard and everyone makes mistakes. They’re both here to say it’s ok your best is enough, YOU are enough. They both think they’re amazing regardless of their mistakes and love to see each other smiling and succeeding and just make. a nice little bubble of comfort. They’re stubborn and supportive, they learn how to poke and prod the bad moods away be it making a nice cup of matcha and talking it out or laughing at a tiny, meaningless mistake and repeating it to keep that feeling of dread away. Also they both spoil their partners regardless of who they end up with you can’t @ me on that they both do it which means guess what mega spoil time. And long hair on both just means they can braid each other’s hair no problem... waaaaaa.... Also early rise Subaki and late rise Corrin so there’s always a sleepy fight in the morning because UGH this is early you keep saying i’ll get used to it but im not i need a kiss first if you want me to be up this early. Subaki is better at logic and planning than Corrin, and Corrin keeps things optimistic and has a good gut for when to take an improvised risk. They’re always swapping places on who’s holding the other back from a fight that isn’t worth it because some asshole insulted the other, they mediate each other and will fight anyone who even harms a hair on the other’s head. They give and they give back and they work together perfectly.

And when it comes to the kids that bubble expands and they make sure they all have the tools to just take a deep breath and remember it’s okay Mama and Papa love you so much and you’re going to be amazing no matter what you do. Corrin’s got the best stories to tell and Subaki tucks the blankets in just right. They’re good parents with a lot of patience and plenty of mental health wisdom which is good because, as my mom would say, “bad brain chemistry is my bad”.

Like UGH I love them. I love them a lot. A good chunk of this is me making canon better thank me fates devs

Part 4- Katie All of This is Out of Your Noggin What About Canon

(DBZ abridged vc) WHAT ABOUT CANON but ok here have some canon quotes

“The two spent the rest of their lives together. Corrin ruling as the wise Queen of Valla. Subaki adapted quickly to royal leadership and became a great source of support for his wife. “ - Revelation route ending

“I feel like the pressure's off when I'm with you. I don't have to be perfect.” “You'll never be lonely as long as I'm around. Just call me and I'll come running.” - Friendship bonding quotes but also consider waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

“This might sound corny, but I think you're my soulmate.” - What he says when he is married to you and yes that is corny and its perfect

hot spring is dumb fanservice BUT if you can get the good RNG to get them both in there   “A shared bath warms not just my bones, but my heart as well.” “I-I suppose so...I just wonder if it's right to be so happy...” (emphasis mine) IT ABSOLUTELY IS BE HAPPY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

also one of his quotes when u stop by your quarters is  "Ah, welcome home, dear. Kick off those shoes and relax. You're with me now!" and you absolute himbo your wife doesn’t fucking wear shoes!!!!!!!!!

Part 5- I’m done I’ve yelled into the void good night enjoy a ship please be excited for the fic I have on the backburner that I will get out there one of these days but I want it to be perfect so RIP me I guess

#katie rambles #long post #in case read more fucks up on mobile

[isabellcs]

welcome 2 her twisted mind....tw murder & general . crazy on main activities... 

BACKSTORY 

so she was born in valencia, spain which is a pretty costal town hehe...and she was raised in an orphanage ! by nuns ! like she was dropped off at their doorstep as a baby and all the nuns would say about her mom was that she was a coke head and a whore so JDHDGDF they didn’t know anything about her dad though and isabella was honestly cool with that she didn’t care ... like as a little girl she would just dream up wild fantasies abt her mom being this crazy evil lady like the nuns pictured her and it actually ... comforted her ?? she was a weird kid . she was super interested in religion just bc she loved the idea of cosmic punishments and all these big dramatic things that happened in the Bible and she asked a lot of questions but only abt like the violent stuff so the nuns started to worry abt her also isabella creeped all the other kids out like she’d try to play with them but her version of playing games was like .. oh i found some rat bones in the attic let’s make a necklace (: or like she’d make up little chants in what she thought was nonsense and then weird things would happen afterwards so the kids started calling her a bruja which means witch and isabella was just like damn . tough crowd fuck u guys too !!

anyway eventually all the kids she grew up with started to get adopted or put into foster homes and the orphanage was like super strict so if u weren’t getting put into a home u couldn’t even really explore spain like they were just cooped up there and when she was around 15 she just .. snapped like she wasn’t getting any offers for adoption bc she creeped everyone out and she had a bad reputation at the orphanage and the nuns didn’t really treat her nicely and she just wanted to escape ! so she waited and then one day there was this insane thunderstorm and it knocked out the power and isabella just . poofed out the window and never looked back .. and so a new chapter in her life began ..so growing up as a kid she was like ... not really a bad person so to speak but she didn’t have the same understanding of morals that everyone around her did like in her mind things were morally okay if she didn’t feel bad about it but ... she didn’t really feel bad about anything so she was like well cool i guess it’s all ok then ! so she was 13 literally no money just on the streets of valencia trying to scam her way to barcelona and she did some ... questionable things in the process.. may or may not have robbed some spanish aristocrats.. among other things .. but by the time she was 14 she made it to barcelona so what does it matter ! anyway that’s where she got her snake literally on the first night in barcelona this drunk dude coming home from a bar tried to attack her and this snake came out of nowhere and just . bit him and he died and then the snake just curled around her legs and started following her around so she was like guess this is my life now . sick BSHZHDFshe does her own thing for a while with her new snake just being a genuinely weird teen in spain no family just making up lies about where she came from to scare people also robbing ppl to be able to find places to sleep obviously mingling with like .. no good ppl bc who else is gonna talk to a creepy girl with a pet snake JSHSGDD 

then on her 16th bday she meets this man and he knows her name and she’s like fuck . did the nuns send u and he’s like im gonna tell u everything abt ur past if u come with me NOW and she’s like ok (: so they stay at this little inn and while he’s sleeping her snake wraps itself around his throat and he wakes up and she’s like ur gonna tell me everything rn or ur gonna die so he was like well shit . u come from a coven of witches that used to live in vermont and were hunted down one by one and killed as punishment for an incident that killed a whole town of innocent ppl so ur mom ran away to spain and gave u up for adoption to save ur life but they found her and she died and now it gonna die if u stay in spain and she was like huh . and didn’t kill him /: and the next day they started there two year journey...traveling all around europe before finally coming to Vermont to meet with the last surviving witches from her covenwhatever so they meet and isabella is like huh so tell me abt what you guys did that killed all those ppl that sounds cool and they were like ... uh no that’s not important rn ? what’s important is that u get ur powers it’s almost ur 18th bday so for like a week she’s with them getting to know them... and the man that brought her there disappeared like she starts to realize he didn’t even stay to see the other witches and when she mentions the guy that brought her they were like WHAT and she was like yeah thought u guys knew him...and they were like oh my god we have to leave rn after ur bday tonight and she was just like fine whatever where are we going and they were like as if we’d tell u and . that made her angry /: so they do the ceremony signing her name into the book and she gets her powers blah blah she can’t find her snake so she’s like .. looking for him and she wanders away and when she comes back .. all the witches that were from her coven that did her ceremony are all dead and the man that brought her there is back and he’s like hey isabella and he’s holding her snake and she’s like so ur the one that killed everyone right ur the one that was hunting the coven down and he’s like yeah sorry  and he gives her back the snake and he’s like don’t worry im not gonna kill u (: i have big plans for u !so once again she’s like i guess this is my fucking life now... 

and she’s honestly not even that sad about her coven like they kinda annoyed her and she’s curious about this witch hunter dude bc it reminds her of all the stories she used to love from the Bible abt divine justice so he brings her to ... new york baby ! she’s 18 she’s got her fresh new powers and this guy starts training her which was ... not always a smooth ride there were lots of accidents and lots of “accidents” but he’s teaching her obviously shaping her in a way she knows is only gonna benefit him but she needs the training so she just goes along with it .. also at the same time she’s going fucking CRAZY in New York shes just causing so much trouble this guy is honestly sick of her so after three years of him trying to tell her what to do and he doing the exact opposite he’s like u know what . im not ur father i LITERALLY killed ur whole family maybe i should have killed u too and she’s just loving it she’s like yeah u probably should have ! and he’s like what the fuck she’s crazy she’s enjoying this...so he just gives up again and he’s like cool so here’s what you’ve been training for . there’s a coven of witches here and we’re gonna kill them and she’s like im sorry what and he’s like did I stutter . so she kinda has ... no choice but to follow him and help him out but the gag is . she was pretty annoyed with him .. nothing too serious but he was a MAJOR buzzkill you know so when they’re about to kill these witches she’s like hmm you know what ... how abt i just kill you instead ! and he was like are u kidding and she’s like nope /: and BOOP . she kills him ! BSGSGDGSF and the witches that he was gonna murder are so grateful she saved them they’re like hey you don’t have a coven ur alone why don’t u...go to witch school...and she’s like what’s that so they tell her abt . blackwater academy  and that’s how she ends up there...at the age of 21....hehe

PERSONALITY

if u have seen killing eve . i 100% based her personality on villanelle......if u havent seen killing eve WATCH IT .. ALSO took inspo from elektra from daredevil, katherine from tvd & faye from the secret circle xxx  basically isabella is like...she understands ppl have emotions but ... her brain just doesnt work the same her empathy is fucked so 99% of the time shes doing stuff genuinely not caring abt who it affects except for herself...also ... SHE LOVES FUN ! literally the worst thing u can do is bore her . she plays games folks ... shes dramatic ... doesnt take anyone seriously except herself ! shes just .. shes something ! oh also . shes a top so if u wanna raw her ur gonna be a bottom and u will enjoy it thank u gn ! x

#░▓╳┊: 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒃 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒔𝒔 ── OOC ! ┘ #this is a novel .... but it sure was SEXY of me to do it

[saintkimora]

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that 

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared 

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

#personal #I'm posting this from mobile but I had it saved as a draft on my computer #so I hope the read more is still on it #if not.....sorry lol

[kyifucius]

so theres been a lot going on in this smol head of mine.

I dont make this kinds of post regularly, just therapy isn't working out how I would like and im feeling like i can have somewhat clear thoughts right now so im gonna try and jot them down in the least tiring least confusing way possible. (using the 6 components of health as my guide) CW: eating disorder talk, trauma mention (no details), transphobia mention, gender talk, love talk.

Tbh, im gonna start looking for new therapist so if this comes out well ill just use this as an about me rn (because I can be different later)

Physical:

I feel fine, Im okay, trying to fix the damage my bulimia did to my body, I’ve seen a dentist, that had much less than desirable news given to me on that front (but things will be okay seeing as my school gives free dental care to its students). Bulimia is still its own hell hole but ill get to that in emotional health. Other than that, I still dont really eat on a tight or strict schedule and I dont actively exercise outside of my one physical fitness course which isn't much. Next.  

Spiritual: God, you there?

This isnt the time of my strongest faith, I dont pray everyday but pretty close but i do sometimes wonder if anyone hears me...I believe my life wont always be so tragic and difficult, theres no signs of it changing anytime soon but something is giving me hope and faith to keep pushing that things will get better and it’ll all be worth it, i guess thats god. It doesnt feel like much but its enough to keep me from considering not being alive so...thank god lol 😅. Next.

Social:

I love my friends, I hate myself, I dont really see my friends as much as I should Im really fighting to just exist at this point I dont feel like im the most fun to be around anymore but hopefully they’ll be understanding to my isolation and forgive me until I pull myself together. I dont see myself making anymore friends than the few I already have. Next. 

Mental: 

Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. 

Issa cycle 😒 Next.

Emotional: (here comes the heavy stuff)

*deep inhale* Gender. well maybe i should say gender identity. It all feels so strange. I dont feel like anything, I dont feel any ties to being a “male” or “female” I feel like a person. I feel that Ive been going along with looks and expectations that society placed on me because I didnt feel there was really another option. Im comfortable with the clothes i own, most of them being feminine but im not big on super tight clothes, I kinda want to escape the possibility of being sexualized as much as possible. (it could be a trauma thing). Im going by They/them pronouns by those closest to me that are nonfamily members. It feels okay, I dont wanna make a big deal out of it I dont think I should Im the same person i've always been just no longer trying to meet “womanly” expectations, no more push up bras or underwire *amen!*  But I do think about being a cis woman, I think how much easier it would be to not have to define my identity myself and to just already have a rulebook to follow, as oppressing as it may be, which may connect to my next topic...

Eating disorders...so when I think of my body, I don't think of who I am or how I look now and how it could be okay as is, I only think of how I could look and the the easiest look I can perfect, which for me personally would be a something along the lines of a conventionally attractive woman, I think for me to do that I’d need to lose weight...(because of my anxiety i like to know what to do next to get the best/least problematic results) in times of stress or when i feel completely lost and directionless, even purposeless at times. I always go back to losing weight because to be like that woman I imagine I could be that would just be the next step for me to continue to fit the status quo of what society wants and then I feel like even if everything else is going badly at least im making progress in one area of my life and with that I can let out a sigh of relief. 

Last but definitely not least, drum roll please... *smol snare in background* Im in love! Its really the best. I don't know if i should @ him or not...but hes really just been the best most supportive and understanding boyfriend I would never even have the audacity to ask for. I really love him and I have to say things are looking really good for us. Hes trans, my mother is transphobic so thats a real stressor at times but whenever i spend time with him I just really remember that he's so worth her nonsense because if she ever takes the time to get to know him shed see he's just the type of person she’d want me to be with. No one is perfect, not him, not me, and definitely not my mother but we all deserve healthy love and relationships and i really get that from him which is “v fulfilling” and I hope I get to spend many more years with him. Also he puts up with EVERY aspect of me which isn't easy, he listens to me whine and complain and holds me when I cry and laughs with/at me laughing at my own jokes and does my laundry when I leave clothes with him and he lets me sleep late on the weekends and understands my need for mental health days. What a lovely boy 😊. Next

Environmental: 

Im actually tired of writing but this should be simple. THE EARTH HAS HAD ENOUGH! I do what i can to take care of the spaces I occupy but I believe there will be another mass extinction and hopefully i'm not around to see it. The end.

Fun Fact: 

Trauma trauma, trauma in the air trauma, trauma trauma I feel it everywhere. 

#about me #eating disorder #bulimia #trauma has ruined my life #nonbinary #unaligned #therapy #personal #im sorry if anyone actually reads this #i guess were friends now #so message me if you wanna #i made a CW just in case #i dont wanna ruin anyones day #i know what trash that is

[peanott]

92 Questions

@useless--mind thanks for tagging me bud!! i love doing these even if no one gives a shit

Last:

1. Drink: milk

2. Phone call: with my grandpa

3. Text message: “👀👀👀“

4. Song you listened to: ultra bra - kaunis ja ylpee 

5. Time I cried: cant remember the last time i properly cried (its not even a rare occurrence just doesnt pop into my mind wtf) but my eyes got wet like two hours ago bc my sister sent me silly pics with her baby and was just extraordinarily sweet love her :(

Have You:

 6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: nah

9. Lost someone special: yeah

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately................

List Three Favorite Colors:

12. violet

13. baby blue

14. orange mayb

In The Last Year Have You:

15. Made new friends: ive got closer with a few people so kinda? 

16. Fallen out of love: wtf is this love ya keep talkin bout

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: hahaha yeah 

19. Met someone who changed you: nah

20. Found out who your friends are: in a way? ive not been thinking about this profoundly at all but the way ive perceived some people has strengthened for better and worse which led into new relationship dynamics

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not on the lips 

General:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: vast majority

23. Do you want to change your name: noo im used to it but at the same time it sometimes hits me that its ACTUALLY my name (its not even anything special i just have confusing thoughts) so it does keep me on my toes and wont get bored of it 

24. What did you do for your last birthday: I CANT REMEMBER lmao ok i dont think we celebrated it on my actual birthday at all bc it wasnt practical that way but i had my sisters over the day before

25. What time did you wake up: 7am cause i hate myseldf

26. What were you doing last night at midnight: drinking water at my friends so id sober up bc im a fucking idiot pls slap me thrice dont hate me 

27. Name something you can’t wait for: get used to the new school i go to in two days (yea i havent even started yet but i can feel the bricks im shitting for the next month or so)

28. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago?

29. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wanna be able to enjoy living my life properly and take more risks without worrying all the time  

30. What are you listening to right now: partners in crime part three by the internet

31. Have you talked to a person named Tom: no?

32. Most visited website(s): twitter tumblr youtube how generic

Lost Questions:

33. Mole(s): i have three moles (on my temple, under eye, above eyebrow) that form a triangle i was so ecstatic when i discovered this like two years ago

34. Marks: what kind of?? i mean i have stretch marks one from vaccination but thats it i think

35. Childhood dream: either a fashion designer or a housewife lmao

36. Hair color: mYsTiC vIoLeT according to the hair dye idk its hard to describe a dark mix of brown n purple (and red?)

37. Do you have a crush on someone: no

38. What do you like about yourself: that im quite tolerant and considerate of others, how self-aware i am cause thats the only thing that will keep me sane, i can be funny and not take things that seriously but still have extensive opinions and  thoughts on everything

39. Piercings: both ears x2

40. Blood type: a(+ i think) 

41. Nicknames: vertsi or however you wanna twist it its fine i love it

42. Relationship Status: singley

43. Zodiac Sign: taurus

44. Pronouns: she/her

45. Favorite TV shows: oitnb, lie to me, htgawm, skins, drag race, the get down, black mirror

46. Tattoos: none

47. Right or Left hand: right

48. Surgery: none

49. Hair Dyed A Different Color: ye different variations of brown and purple

50. Vacation: last one was to budapest about three years ago

51. Pair Of Trainers: i stole a pair from my mum idk theyre black and pink or some shit

More Generals:

52. Eating: last time? a croissant 

53. Drinking: nothing rn 

54. I’m about to: finish this and then go to sleep

55. Waiting for: a pleasant surprise 

56. Want: a proper social life

57. Get married: idk i loved my sisters wedding but i wouldnt consider marriage a necessity from a romantic point of view. if i ever get married its probably for the legal stuff and the ceremony will be low-budget and simple 

58. Career: probably gonna do something with psychology or languages

Which Is Better:

59. Hugs or Kisses: hugs ?whats a kiss?

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Short or tall: idc!!! ok im kind of intimidated by tall people i feel like they could crush me in a heartbeat but maybe that adds into my excitement  

62. Older or younger: older for now at least

63. Nice arms or nice stomach: great the two body parts that barely hold any meaning to me good choice 

64. Sensitive or loud: im personally both (ok we gotta debate on the loud part with some people) but i think i value someone that is more likely to understand my own sensitivity so i guess sensitive it is

65. Hook up or relationship: relationship

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker sounds disgusting but i guess that since they would push my hesitant ass to do some stretching out of my comfort zone

Have You Ever:

67. Kissed a stranger: no

68. Had hard liquor: yes

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. Turned someone down: kind of 

71. Sex on first date: no

72. Broken someone’s heart: naah

73. Had my heart broken: nope

74. Been arrested: no

75. Cried when someone died: yes

76. Fallen For a Friend: fgjhjh kinda... got over it fast tho cause it was impossible

Do You Believe In:

77. Yourself: No I Do Not Exist We Are Collectively Hallucinating Me 

78. Miracles: not really

79. Love at first sight: i believe you can sense if a person is compatible with you BUT ITS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT YOU ARE JUST A PERCEPTIVE PERSON 

80. Santa Clause: obvs my Dad

81. Kiss on the first date: i dont think it has anything to do with belief if it feels right at that moment then do it 

82. Angels: um? havent you seen the axe commercial :/ 

83. Aliens: yes!!

Other Random Things:

84. Current Best Friend’s name: mira

85. Eye color: blue and grey or some shit

86. Favorite Movie: black swan

87. Hold an object dear to you: my phone love being a #relatable millennial 

88. Favorite Ice Cream Flavour: vanilla or lemon

89. Least favorite thing: when my clothes fall under my bed and then im too scared to dig them out 

90. Name one thing you could change about the world: no social injustice

91. Current Song stuck in your head: i know by fiona apple

92. Favorite Childhood show: powerpuff girls? idk i liked most of the shows from my childhood

jesus christ sorry this is a hot mess made by  someone who tries to function at 2am using their second language @nuddy-pants do this xx

[survivorwakea]

Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like.  This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

________________________________________________________________

Taylor is voted out 3-1.

#episode #sailaway