#the most miserable time of the year

[debbiechanclub]

Felt like a junkie waking up and having to immediately take a hit from my nasal spray

#the most miserable time of the year

[buglaur]

my favourite posts from 2023

#decided by what was most fun to work on #feeling a little bit miserable tonight but would it really be new year's if i wasn't dreading the year coming #happy new years anyways #it's only 11pm here so it's not quite the new year yet #lets hope 2024's a bit easier 🤞 #i'm really happy with the renders i did this year #even though there was only like... 4 of them... #in 2024 i want to make more :) #my semester 2 timetable is sadly shitty so i won't have that much time until around may #i am quite buzzed rn i hope this doesn't look horrific #goodnigth #also i bought for rent :) hopefully i'll have gameplay coming soon if i can get my lazy ass to decorate the houses

[fruity-pontmercy]

Modern french student Enjolras is 100% the kind of guy who rolls his own cigarettes ("because it's less expensive" but it's partly because it does objectively make you exponentially cooler). He definitely rolls them while he's talking to you and he blows smoke in your face and contributes to the gigantic cloud of cigarette smoke that fills the air above the Sorbonne courtyard during lunchtime

#is this too nice? It's not too niche right? #genuinely I knew french people smoked but holy shit I did not expect it to be to this extent #also this is 100% based on most interactions i've had with other students #like I'm so dead serious when I say enjolras would do this #anyway #shoutout to the guy i met at the beginning of the year who tried to roll his cigarette but miserably failed like 4 times and dropped #everything on the floor and had to get someone to roll it for him... that was cute #les mis #les miserables #les miz #les amis de l'abc #the brick #musical theatre #les mis headcanons #enjolras #litblr #enjoltaire #modern les mis

[simmyfrobby]

What are your top 3 nhl teams with the best vibes?

ooh ok. yea. fun. love this. im going to declare all my biases upfront: im a pens, bruins & wild fan so obviously my nr 1 is:

minny

they have flower. they have kaprizov. they go on homoerotic little holidays together. they have two deweys and one foligno. their captain is pretty and everyone is short. every game is somehow embarrassing. even if they win. especially if they win. 11/10 cant lose.

nr 2: philly

i dont follow them or root for them but i will have nightmares about the dog mask every day for the rest of my life. also they made drysdale come hang out w them during the all star break and that was cute. also the conga line. hardass coach but we stay silly. 9/10 solid vibes.

nr 3: yotes

jason zucker lives there.

#bruins have the goalies ofc #but the ghost of christmas past still kinda hangs over that team and also they like to play soúper frustrating games #that go on for 4 hours and where I feel like I might die the entire time #captain rat gets + for vibes but then 2023 sadbrad hug kills it. if krejc and bergy were still on this team they'd make the top 3 #pens ofc dont make the list despite sunshine boy poj and the fact that erik brings the silly every day #theyre too much of a Serious Old Man Team #bonus points for the silliest own goal in the history of the franchise. points withdrawn for cookie injury i miss him so bad #anne carson asks why does tragedy exist #answer: because old men #because love. because brittle bones and traumatic head injuries. #last year i probably would've answered Seattle #Detroit at the beginning of this season but they um. made some poor hiring choices. rotten rancid vibes now im very sorry for your loss #Edmonton would've gotten a high score from me at the beginning of the season not because the vibes were good but because they were #without a doubt #the most miserable team in the league and i found that to be soooo interesting and fun #How Will The Oilers Lose Next #but theyre good again now so that's less exciting for me #montreal honourable mention for the short slutty guy #love him

[wis-art]

If you're a trans guy and you feel like you're not manly enough and are ashamed of the what is considered "girly" traits, toxic masculinity isn't exclusive to cis guys, and it can and will have devastating effects on your mental health, you're perfect the way you are and you don't need to prove your masculinity to anyone, and that includes yourself, because you're not just a floating consciousness in the earthly soup you're also someone and anyone.

#trans #trans masc #mostly speaking from my experience of trying to live as a manly man #i used to compensate and try to show how manly i am #and i grew a big beard #and pretended to be a tough guy #and that went on for a year or two #and it was the most miserable time of all time #i realized that i am no man #i am a trans woman and i am more than happy to be that when i realized how stupid and contrived it is to be proving im a guy #in my opinion a guy does whatever they want without caring what others think #you wanna be a quirky silly guy with weird interests #i promise you its okay #to be into flowers #or makeup #or dresses and sewing and other typically feminine things to do #i picked up knitting back when i still was a guy #and i felt at peace #my dad would scoff at me over it #but i just felt like i was such a cool guy back then #like he cant tell me anything because i am the guy i wanna be and i dont have to make excuses #well later it turned out i was a transgirl but dont think trans girls dont struggle with leftover toxic masculinity in them #its ok #love yourself #youre a perfectly normal guy and you do your thing you really dont need to worry about it

[orpheuslament]

on the way back from the gym i saw two teenage girls on scooters in the middle of the road & they kept crossing each other & interlocking their feet & they looked like they were having so much fun i hope they have the best summer of their life

#it did make me fucking miserable bc i lost all my teenage years to crippling mental illness + being closeted so i never got to experience #that feeling of freedom. or at least i cant remember & i cant help but feel like something was stolen from me #i wish i could grab 13 year old dante by the shoulders & tell them to please please please make the most out of it #i know it feels like the world is going to end every single day but theres so many beautiful things to experience #& one day you will be 25 & you will miss yr friends & ask yourself why you wasted so much time #i know its not your fault you were just trying to survive & you did do beautiful things!!! but God #dante.txt

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

and thus begins the season of 100+ degree heat every single day...

#i will be digging a hole and crawling into it thanks. i will Cover myself with dirt and not come out #the sun is almost completely down and its still over a hundred out. sigh #~its the most wonderful time of the year~ #im placing personal bets whether or not itll hit 120 (im strongly betting Yes) #maybe i should go live in antarctica #vibe with penguins. get killed by a leopard seal. you know how it is #instead my options are: the dirt / walk off into the desert and perish #i wake up every morning miserable and sweaty <3 this is so fun <3 #so jealous of the puppets rn. they dont have to deal with this #put me on a temperature regulated set bois #my laptop: heat warning in effect #YEAH NO SHIT. HONEY. #gonna need to start using my ceiling fan soon just to get some fuckin Sleep #the ac is not enough during the day #absolutely unprompted #i was wondering 'oh why am i more irritated than normal why am i more fatigued than normal' #OH YEAH. BECAUSE ITS MISERABLE OUT. #melting into a puddle of bog... goo... that's just water. hm. #turning into an actual physical bog #sphagnum and tannins and everything #i wake up. i drag myself out of bed. i sit at my desk and dissolve. rinse and repeat #this has been my routine for Days now <3 #i hope yall are having a cooler more tolerable summer! #but given the absolute state of this planet uh! i doubt it! still! i have hope! keep cool guys

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc) #and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk? #and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends) #which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does' #and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs.... #venting #maca speaks

[theloveinc]

Was thinking about it a bit more and I realized… if it were to happen, I don’t think you and Kirishima actually get divorced, I think you’d just… “separate” for a while.

Probably at his insistence, too. Not that anything is wrong, really… but having a kid as a hero is super difficult, and I think Kiri probably gets caught up in the loop of not feeling like you guys are lovers anymore, just parents, and every other hero without a partner is doing so much better than him. On the charts, emotionally, etc... so he suggests taking a break in thinking that not being worried about you would make it easier to prioritize what he really thinks matters (your son and his career)…

Not realizing that things’ll go even more to shit after he sees you without your ring on when you drop off son for his first-ever custody weekend.

#kirishima #he’s like ‘let’s just take a break and see if we’re better off’ #and then the first night alone at his dumb*ss bachelor pad he’s crying all night #and when son gets dropped off and acts out the whole weekend and is so mad at kiri #kiri can barely wave goodbye to you from the balcony and #literally bakugo has to peel him off the floor that Monday #after #lmaoooooo and then kiri instantly realizes he made up all his problems in his mind #he’s the most miserable he’s ever been EVER and actually feeling like parents and not lovers was a problem HE caused #and isn’t even bad it’s just something that ppl w kids go thru sometimes #but there u are. living apart because he wanted to be an *ss #and he had to spend the next year trying to win u back #but it works lmaooo #and your son never really forgives him but it’s cool it just makes him super funny #and bakugo is mad too actually LOL like 🤦🏼‍♂️the entire time #anyway bye #I’m watching mha season 5 and it’s good!!! I forgot it was good!!! #gen #kids tw #caitie post #divorced kiri

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

#cis woman cis man either way #dude in the neighborhood has a crush on me telling me i'm beautiful like 'thanks! i will go home and cry now' #i fucking hate being trans i wish i wasn't lol #and sometimes i feel like i can't talk about this anywhere bc in a lot of trans spaces it's like. taboo? to express anything but positivity #as if me being honest about how i feel about myself is somehow how i feel about every single trans person jesus christ but whatever whateve #like listen peace and love but i need you to do me a favor and promise me you will not come at me with any 'transness should be about joy' #i know you mean well i know you're right. but transness for me /is/ pain and sorrow. that's all it's ever caused me my entire life #you have to remember that i'm from rural appalachian tennessee with a transphobic family #some of the most deeply rooted self hating repression for years just for. more honest self hatred #i've never admitted this before but i've considered detransitioning and repressing because of transphobia many times #i'm not brave i'm not strong i'm not trying to make some grand statement or be the voice of a generation. i just want to Be. you know #i just got really really unlucky #but i can't repress. i know that would be even more miserable so i'm just. trapped. forever #who i want to be forever out of reach like tantalus or something i don't know #i want to be loved #or maybe i should just watch the batman again

[karinyosa]

As a model for Brinker Hadley I used Gore Vidal.

jay parini and gore vidal respectively, the united states of amnesia / john knowles, a separate peace

id in alt.

#that elliot roosevelt line… kind of cunty. spirit of gore is in that one. to me #this is also just an excuse to share the gore vidal alan cumming wasabi story. because im OBSESSED lik #alan says he ''miraculously didn’t implode'' and basically just took a swig of his drink after he did That #but every so often he heard him making weird grunts… it was his first time having wasabi CRAZY OLD MAN #that article overall is kind of bleak though like. vidal was known as combative and bitchy for a reason #and cumming comes to the conclusion for a number of reasons that he and his partner had crazy intimacy issues which i don't think is like a #crazy thing to believe about him/them. like he had issues. i can say this because we are good and close friends. #howard was gore’s life partner #their relationship kind of sat on the border between friendship and romance but everyone refers to howard as his partner #which gore never contradicted #he talks about howard in his memoir point to point navigation after the former’s death #which is like. sad. they lived together for over 50 years literally they shacked up very soon after he came out of the war so like YOUNG #and he was reportedly kind of miserable in the last 8 years without howard #a separate peace #gv #web weaving #brinker hadley #john knowles #gore vidal #OH ALSO he was related to a number of politicians most notably jackie o by marriage #so like the elliot roosevelt line isn't entirely unwarranted

[novadorks]

finally finished orv after two years . . . what do i do with my life now

#started in junior year hs dropped it for a while then started reading again at the start of this semester and now im finally done ! #dont know whether to cheer or just crumple up and start crying bc wow that was a ride #i thought the ending was tragic but then i moved on to the epilogue and oh my godd #the way kdj was crying and miserable bc he missed his companions and he wanted to be with them so Badly #but when kimcom finally Finally chase him down and come back to him theyre too late and hes already disspitated into other world lines #and after that like. whenever kdj pulls some shit and dies the next chapter always starts with an ‘i’ #and hes back and alive and kicking and Thinking but after that epilogue chapter there isnt a chapter in his pov theres no more ‘i’s and. #it just made me incredibly sad bc we dont get to see his pov ever again bc hes truly gone unless we as a reader can imagine him alive again #anyways sad things aside it is Incredibly funny that lee hyunsung just became a wanted man in the 1865th round lmaoo #+ uriel sun wukong and black flame dragon forming a band together ??? truly the most randomest thing in the epilogue #++ yoohankim need to stop beating the shit out of e/o and learn to talk their feelings out Please #+++ sooyoung’s love for dokja has me miserable o-|-< she would wait for him an eternity write for him an eternity im so sad #three times she endlessly wrote a novel for him to read three times she waited to see him for so long <//3 #you bet im imagining the happiest conclusion i can for them #they WILL live happily ever after in that big house together as long as i have something to say about it! #orv

[fruity-pontmercy]

WAIT GUYS HAPPY VALJEAN ADOPTS COSETTE DAY

#199 lovely lovely years #gosh I love them #i gotta draw em #les mis #les miserables #les miz #les amis de l'abc #hyanthis speaks #the brick #musical theatre #litblr #cosette #cosette fauchelevent #jean valjean #its the most wonderful time of the year #and that time is Valjean cosette adoption day

[kingofdinosaurs]

people (both in and out of blazblue) are kind of assholes to trinity for buying what terumi was selling but with the amount of ct loops he was probably speedrunning it at that point. glassfille%

#blazblue #like there were so many loops. even with the most conservative estimate possible they ran that shit over like 40 times. #he probably had the conversations memorised like we CANNOT blame her for being walkthroughed at #really easy mistake to make when the guy who's counting on that mistake literally knows exactly which buttons to push #and then keeps pushing them for no fucking reason but cruelty 100 years later because he thinks it's funny to make you miserable -_-

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70% #i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op) #but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself' #and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time? #and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging