#the lyrics ‘funny when you’re dead people start listening’ bc I am dead to you. the person u knew does not exist. u both killed her.

[itskyleeyo]

hadestown brain dump (songs)

SPOILERS FOR HADESTOWN/THE STORY OF ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE

ok so it may have been more than a few days, but what're you gonna do about it?

so i wanted to do another brain dump, and i wanted to listen to hadestown, so i'm doing a song by song brain dump as i go along. this means that my thoughts are going to be even more stream-of-consciousness style (if that's even possible.) also i'm talking specifically about the original broadway cast recording bc i haven't listened to any other version. (also this was completed across multiple months so it is even more chaotic lmao).

also i highly recommend that you listen to the musical and/or pull up the lyrics as you go along! enjoy!

road to hell. the way andre brings in the chorus is flawless please. also the way that hermes is both a narrator and a character in the story he's narrating? beautiful. "the king of the mine." he sounds so nice here for some reason. also love his self-introduction "maybe it will turn out this time" no it won't but thank you for trying. also breaking the fourth wall to acknowledge the chorus and crew is so nice, here comes reeve ;) mans sounds like an angel. you can hear amber's voice stick out of the chorus and i literally love it so much. i'd die for amber gray but we'll get to that later.

any way the wind blows. the fates literally sound so perfect together. Eva's intro throws me off every time, she sounds so pretty. dear god the harmonies with the fates hit so different. can this cast please narrate my life? there's the wind comparisons ;D the "ooos" are so good. "and it ain't because i'm kind" idk i just like how andre sounds here. oh and the funny behind "so i took him underneath my wing" because hermes has wings on his helmet and shoes.

come home with me. orpheus is so oblivious but i love it. also eurydice is literally such a mood. the wordplay with "come again". the "oh, he's crazy" is my favorite part of the whole song. also eva's voice acting is so good.

wedding song. the way she says "lover"? my ass cannot handle this. eva sounds so smug in the beginning of this song and i love it. "sing the song ;)" eurydice is so fantastic. the chorus of "la" is so pretty. eva joining in during the end is just. so perfect.

epic i. hell yeah introduce the king and queen (both literally and figuratively). reeve's falsetto <3 the way orpheus looks to hermes for approval throughout the musical. hermes narrating over orpheus singing.

livin' it up on top. HELL YES THE QUEEN HAS ARRIVED. i love amber gray so much. the gravel and the rasp. please step on me. also i love the idea of persephone being the wine aunt, especially because media usually portrays her as soft and breakable. the way she says "haaard". the way the music gets more upbeat and energetic when hermes says "the world came back to liiife!" the instrumental/dance? break is so good. please kill me with that trumpet good sir. the leadup to when amber starts singing again. orpheus really knows how to give a speech. "i will ;)" amber please step on me i am not joking.

all i've ever known (intro). thank you for the intro king. the music is so pretty. the way it picks up with the piano part <3

all i've ever known. eva sounds so pretty dear god. yay more wind references! the wordplay with "hold". and also the references to hot and cold throughout the musical. "i don't wanna ever have to let you go." lol ironic because she ends up going with hades. "i knew you before we met, and i don't even know you yet." the fucking wordplay. like holy shit. the "love at first sight" feelings. this line gets me every damn time. the wordplay from 2:10 - 2:38 is so fucking incredible. i lose it every time istg. the instrumental portion is so pretty. the wind! "we'll always be like this" i fucking love irony so much. its so underrated and adds so many layers to the story.

way down hadestown. amber gray. that's it. "you either get to hell or to hadestown, ain't no difference anymore". i fucking love this line so much. not really sure why but the delivery is perfect. also the whole thing with it being a train? i love that so much. all the allusions and comparisons they can make are fantastic. more amber gray appreciation. and ofc. the fates. more fantastic instrumental breaks. "and you better forget about your wishing well." this line is so good but so sad because its literally persephone saying that "hey, fair warning, life is shit down there" and i feel bad for her. like the way she's super sassy and shit, but just stops singing when hades gets there, you can tell that she's definitely not ok. speaking of hades, holy shit patrick page. sounds so fucking fantastic. thank you for existing good sir. eva with the breathtaking single lines. and eva's voice standing out when she sings "ground".

a gathering storm. the constant references to weather and nature throughout the whole musical. eurydice with the common sense. the wind again! "did you hear me, orpheus?" he did not, in fact, hear her.

epic ii. the different names for hades in each epic make me so happy. hades thoughts: "i think my wife might not come back cause i'm super controlling. whatever shall i do? oh, i know! be even more controlling!" lmao dumbass motherfucker. that might not work out so well. i fucking love the transition into "chant" so much.

chant. this is one of my favorite songs from the musical. the wordplay within the entire song is so fucking fantastic. hades singing about desire and then orpheus singing the "song of love" was definitely done on purpose and i'm living for it. every single one of eva's lines make me emotional. ma'am why are you good at everything?? the band! more weather references! patrick page singing "lover" hits different. orpheus singing about hades and persephone being blind and deaf. lmao irony because he's not paying attention to anything around him. the wind! weather! "the song of love" is what brought orpheus and eurydice together, but orpheus' devotion to finishing it is what drives eurydice to hades. "did you think i'd be impressed" i was right ;) it didn't work out so well.

hey, little songbird. the strings <3 patrick page is a god (lol i'm so funny). how does he manage to make manipulation sound so good? bird references! the vocal contrast! eva's voice has this kind of "innocence" to it. especially compared to patrick. not sure if that's on purpose or not, but i love it. also the low note kills me every time. the octave jumps between patrick and eva's voices is just. ugh. and also eva's entire second verse is so fucking good. the emotion she portrays in her voice is so spectacular. seriously hades with the manipulation is so interesting and its so good. (manipulation is not a good thing i just mean that its done so well in the show. do not manipulate people!)

when the chips are down (intro). "your ticket ;)" yes pls sir i'll take a ticket cause life sucks ass.

when the chips are down. i fucking love the fates dear god. gambling references! eva has literally one line and still owns my heart. the band! "shoot to kill" sounds so good like i love it so much pls. also this fucking line "cast your eyes to heaven, you get a knife in the back" is so good. i'm gonna have to get into quite a few lines throughout the musical in a different brain dump because i have so much thought.

gone, i'm gone. darling eurydice. its not your fault that you're starving stop apologizing. "talk of sin" lol she do be going to hell. that's funny. the harmonies.

wait for me (intro). the piano. heremes trying to change the subject hurts my heart. and orpheus' reaction is so sad please. "no.." just rip my fucking heart out, why don't you?

wait for me. the transition. andre coming in clutch with the narration. reeve sounds wonderful, as always. the fucking fates. just kill me already. they literally sound so good. the strings' build up between the "la"s. the chorus. the buildup at the end.

why we build the wall. the total 180 in the vibes. call and response has a special pace in my heart. mr page killing it again. god, hades is such a piece of shit and its perfect. he really is a master manipulator. fuck capitalism. the chorus sounds so good. i want to platonically smooch all of them. jesus fucking christ burn capitalism to the ground. the end is amazing. also the not-so-subtle references to slavery/forced labor.

why we build the wall (outro). i'd die for andre. "anybody want a drink?" yes ma'am. yes please. (don't drink, kids) i love you so much.

our lady of the underground. its so jazzy! jesus fucking christ. oh my fucking god. i would literally sell my soul for amber gray. what did we ever do to deserve her? god the raspiness fucking kills me. also love that she breaks the fourth wall to acknowledge the band. when she comes back in after the instrumental break? consider me dead. "what the boss don't know, the boss won't mind" she sounds so good here. also i love that she straight up doesn't give a fuck about hades here.

way down hadestown (reprise). hell yeah i love reprises. the fates. andre. the chorus. i love them all. i'm such a whore for reoccurring lyrics. the strings! fuck capitalism! eva's emotions are just so fucking good. "you've already forgot?" holy shit. this shit hurted. the "ahh ooh"s are so good.

flowers. the intro <3. eva sounds so pretty. the fucking symbolism in this song is incredible. i'm gonna get into this in another brain dump bc it's a very sensitive topic. the fact that she can't actually fully remember orpheus makes me so sad. so pretty <3

come home with me (reprise). hell yeah another reprise. the way the music is much more upbeat when orpheus shows up. their excitement! eva's vocal emotions are literally so fantastic pls.

papers (intro). "young mannn" kill me patrick. train references! hell yeah persephone. the way andre gets louder when he says "raised up his voice." eva <3. reeve just always sounds so pretty. ohmygod the laugh. kill me good sir. mans straight up admits to owning people and is like "it's cool tho cause they signed a piece of paper. def not taking advantage of people that are literally starving or anything. it's fine." fuck you hades. go step on a fucking lego. orpheus is so sad :(

papers (instrumental). yes. sounds so good. i'm imagining an epic chase scene. the transition into nothing changes <3

nothing changes. respectfully? the fates could kill me any day and i'd thank them. the weather reference! that "anyhow" is so fucking good istg.

if it's true. another one of my favorites. pop off intro. the broken "is this how the world is?" sadly, yes. "but everybody knows that walls have ears." is literally such a powerful line to me for some reason. it does a great job of bringing in the chorus. and by calling the workers "walls" it shows that hades views them as "less than." they aren't even referred to as people. "what's the use of his backbone if he never stands upright." oh my god. because they literally cannot stand upright. anais mitchell is literally a fucking genius. fuck the 1%. gambling references! the chorus backing him is just so pretty. the way orpheus looks to the chorus for advice and support. "we're standing." ugh its so good.

how long. oh my fucking god. amber fucking gray. (that's it, that's the post). the way she sounds resigned/disappointed when she says "i've had enough" makes me so sad. there are no words to describe how i feel about 0:25 - 0:41. like their relationship is strained, and super mega fucked up, but it's obvious that they still care about one another. the emotion in their voices throughout this song is fantastic. the play on light and dark. also more bird references! how they view themselves/their self importance. hades is a most importantly king. persephone is most importantly a wife. it really show that hades views power as more important than anything else. "nothing comes of the songs people sing." holy fucking shit. cause their song is the "song of love," but they can barely stand each other and their relationship has fallen apart. persephone commenting on his love of power over his love of her. amber's voice during "the earth must die" is so nice and for what? god i love her. they sound so nice together <3

chant (reprise). another favorite hehe. the strings! it's all just so pretty. when the piano comes in i die a little. the self realization coming from the chorus when they're like "oh shit, this is wrong. i don't deserve to be treated like this." is so fucking fantastic. the "young mannn" again! hades really be like "manipulate her! make her depend on you financially! i've been ding this a while kid! i know how to successfully control women!" reeve sounds so pretty pls. the way that eurydice has basically become part of the chorus (since she's just another worker now). more self realization! the different ways that hades and orpheus view the "song of love." "sing before i kill you so i can use it to manipulate my wife and make her feel like shit." patrick's voice tho.

epic iii. reeve coming in with that falsetto like nobody's business. orpheus really about to bite you in the ass with your own damn song. amber gray <3. the "ooo"s in the background. the way the music picks up when reeve gets to the "la"s. it's just so fucking good. that falsetto again. orpheus really looked at the king of hell, a literal god, and said "i want to ruin him psychologically" and it fucking worked. which is some of my favorite irony because hades wouldn't have shit if it weren't for that fact that he's a good manipulator and takes advantage of the needy. that last line <3

epic iii (instrumental). i have no words for how fucking beautiful this is. i so desperately want an extended version. like for real love this so much. if i get married, i want this to be the song for the first dance.

promises. eurydice is so proud of him for finishing. the way that eurydice realized that she cares about him more that material objects. wind and weather references! "if we can do it so can they!" she sounds so excited. :( "hand-in-hand" lol nope. not them refencing wedding song, anyway the wind blows, and then giving their "i do"s. absolutely heart wrenching.

word to the wise. the fates. pls step on me ladies. the lyrics throughout this are so fucking good. lol hades being damned. cause he's the king of hell. honestly its solid advice tho. humans are really fucking stupid.

his kiss, the riot. give us them adjectives king. " how dare people want rights! >:(" hades is really trying to make himself the good guy rn. the music! 2:15 - 3:03 is so good pls. the lyrics are just so spectacular.

wait for me (reprise) (intro). hello again andre! hermes literally says "he's trying to psych you out and manipulate you. he wants you to doubt everything" and orpheus says "are you sure tho?" and then procedes to doubt everything. the way the music changes is <3. the song transition.

wait for me (reprise). my absolute fucking favorite song in this musical. the first fucking lyric is so good. it really sets an expectation for the song and i am not disappointed. lyrics that talk about how fucked up any single person's brain is are so fucking cool to me. god i love this song. how soft the first set of "wait for me"s are. the support/pressure from the chorus. the entire exchange between hades and persephone. the way amber's voice sticks out of the chorus. the fates coming in clutch again. train references! more brain talk! amber gray please end me. eva sounds so pretty. and the final note is so good!

doubt comes in. the long intro that builds up suspense. the first time that orpheus's "la"s aren't echoed by the chorus/music. wind! weather! the fates sound so pretty like always. reeve genuinely sounds so scared. the way the music picks up and the chorus joins in when eurydice starts singing. the music is so unsettling and i love it. god i love his voice. 3:44 - 3:57 always hits so different. you realize just how much she means to him. how it all goes to shit when the music reaches the climax. the fact that the music clashes on purpose. the sadness in their voices.

road to hell (reprise). it all comes full circle. god andre sounds so sad. the way you come to really hear the lyrics because there's no upbeat music to distract you this time, "its a tragedy" lol because the actual written story is a tragedy. "i learned that from a friend of mine" poor orpheus :(. the way the chorus slowly joins in and the music slowly picks up. the "can you feel it" is literally so fucking powerful. fuck yes amber. fuck it up queen. amber and eva sound so nice together. the "its a love song, its a sad song" is so sad. the final lyric is just. ugh.

we raise our cups. yes pls amber. this song is so pretty. good night queen.

#hadestown #eva noblezada #reeve carney #the fates #orpheus #eurydice #brain dump #hadestown brain dump #patrick page #hades #amber gray #persephone #hadestown musical

[trashcreatyre]

I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

#tma #oh god im literally too tired to put so many tags #i just cant #the magnus archives #playlist #spotify #spotify playlist #my brain actually hurts #im so tired

[kuroosweakness]

Even more facts about 🐾 anon:

- Idk why but positive words hurt me the most, like when someone says I’m their favorite person in the world only to not mean what they said actually makes me cry a little, but what makes me the most sad is knowing when someone is there for me that I can tell everything in the world too. Just them hugging me makes me feel that.

- I got into anime bc one of my past fav youtubers was into it and so I watched it. I basically started w the YouTube starter pack but actually started w magical girl animes (like Tokyo mew mew (the one she watched) and glitter force) then I drifted to miss kobayashi’s dragon maid to shonen animes

- No thoughts, head empty

- My music taste is probably the average anime tiktoker, like I listen to everything but reverbed and slowed Or in Lo-fi like, Lemon Boy and Me and My Husband but my favorite song to listen to in reverb is Daisy

- I kin music, like it might be weird idc but I do like the beats that are happy but also unsettling? I kin those. Like Not Allowed by tv girl? The part that goes “ALL BY YOURSELF, SITTING ALONE. I HOPE WE’RE STILL FRIENDS YEAH I HOPE YOU DONT MIND” and just loops is the best part to me. “Kaiwa ga tsuzukanai na? Naze da dou shite da? Aho ka?” From to prob the rest of the song of Pretty cvnt by sewerslvt idk I haven’t listened to the full song lmao but the actual meaning of the lyrics don’t matter tho so just know I probably don’t rlly care to look up w that means so it doesn’t ruin it for me ;-;

- I’m a extrovert (:OOO OMG THOSE EXIST) yeah I exist 😩 it’s real easy for me to walk up to someone and start talking since I’m really open about myself and don’t bother to hide things... (except the stuff like y’know... reading fanfics cuz no sane person is gonna go to a random person like “I LIKE READING FANFICTION!” Like I’d probably scared of u now if I was a normie.

- I don’t like being told I’m wrong if I know for a fact I’m right. Like if I say the sky is green and you say the sky is blue I’ll be perfectly fine with that but if you question my intelligence in levels other than that like for a fact from an anime I really like and call me out for being dumb bc I said one thing wrong for example I say “kuroos fav food is grilled salted-mackerel pike” or “itadori’s type are girls like jennifer Lawrence and I find that funny” and you say “no thats stupid” I’m going to call you and scream at you or fight you on sight next time I see you there are no other options. Jk I’ll only threaten you w those and never do it bc I prob love u too much and just give you facts from a easy google search

- Bruh people need to love themselves more like how will you ever love other people if you don’t know how to love yourself? You should always love yourself first before learning to love others because why would you wanna spend your life hating yourself? You’re gonna be with yourself for the rest of your life, even when you’re dead when you really think about it.

- My sleep schedule is chaotic

- I view myself as a good person, but on a chart of chaotic good to lawful evil, I’m probably the most neutral person you’ll ever meet. And I’m genuinely like that. I abide by my own laws. The government doesn’t tell me what’s wrong but neither am I truly against it. I don’t do things like steal but I’ll run in the halls to get to where I need to go or be on my phone during class (most likely with permission because I’m always reading on my phone) that’s why I’m my hero academia and shows the have good and evil bro wtf? Imma be in the middle. I truly think myself as someone you can trust to keep a secret and help when needed but I won’t spy for you on the other group and rat you out. First person that asks I’ll prob help if it’s not hurting someone (most likely bc I’m prob naive and the way you word something like let’s say you asked me to go to a bank to make a deposit or something and now all a sudden come out with money bags like HUHHHHHHHHH? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING A DEPOSIT NOT MAKING AN ILLEGAL WITHDRAWERY WITH ALL THEIR MONEYYYY? (Like my friends and I literally joke about this.) Now all a sudden I’m a getaway driver cause god knows I can’t trust the police with my life😩😩 tfw someone makes you rob a back w/o you knowing✊😔)

- Ayo idc what you do with your life I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, like people trying to peer pressure me into idk let’s say smoking, LIKE BRO I HAVE ASTHMA, IDC HOW GOOD IT MAKE YOU FEEL, ILL LITERALLY DIE IF I DO THAT WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TRICK ME INTO IT

- I’ve tasted alcohol (REALLY IT WAS ON ACCIDENT I WAS AT CHURCH AND ACCIDENTALLY CHOSE THE WINE INSTEAD OF GRAPE JUICE) before and I will now say I’ll never drink it because that’s the nastiest drink I’ve ever drunken in life

- One of my favorite songs are Love Taste by Moe Shop

- My favorite Pokémon game is prob ultra sun and moon

- don’t ask why I decided to watch every Pokémon movie and play every Pokémon game from X and Y and up (I found a friend that has platinum and am playing it but it’s also the first time ive really lost a Pokémon battle and idk that just started something like how dare you win over ME? THE MAIN CHARACTER? YOU NPC, I HAVE THE AUDACITY TO E N D YOU RIGHT NOW)

- first things first, u seem such like a fun person to be around! 

- i get that, kind words definitely hits :’ you’re very lucky to have people like that in your life, and that person is very very lucky to have you in their life! 

- ohhh okay okay i’m assuming you fell into the anime hole too :D 

- me too, me too. no thoughts, just staying in bed with suna by ur side 

- ur music taste!! ✨

- i’m listening to “not allowed” right now and now i feel like skateboarding...you’re right, it’s very happy but also unsettling :) 

- an extrovert, okay okayy while i don’t understand extroverts, i’m very thankful for extroverts’ existence :)) 

omg i remember people talking about how they “used” to read fanfiction and i was sitting there like 👀 yeah i still do ...and now not only do i read, but also write- 

- ahhhh being told ur wrong when u know ur right is such an awkward place to be 😭i’m glad u stand up for urself though! usually, i just nod like okay, ig 

- i- it’s a lot harder said than done to love ourselves :’) especially when there are so many reasons we believe not to. but self love is the MOST IMPORTANT LOVE! 

- not to sound like a parent lmao but try to maintain a good sleeping schedule! it’ll benefit u in many many factors, especially in the future! <3 

- okay okayy u seem like a really interesting person,  i was very amused while reading that paragraph  :))

- i- yes, health > everything else 

- make sure to choose grape juice next time :’) !! 

- i’m listening to it right now hehe 

- pokemon!!! my childhood was full of pokemon ahhh 

- u definitely know a lot more about pokemon than i do, okay okay, the main character always wins ;) 

[thehummingindontblameme-blog]

this is not your ordinary tour post.

you’re probably rolling your eyes rn, but it’s true because i’ve already had all my reputation shows. this is a thank you post to @taylorswift​.  to thank her for the out of body experience that happened on 5-12-18.  above is a picture of me.  i’m sam!! and i would do anything for taylor allison swift!!

i’ve been a swiftie since 2014, but i wish i could go back in time and have become a swiftie earlier in my life!  but don’t you dare doubt me when i say that i know every word to every song, from i’d lie to mary’s song, from sweeter than fiction to come in with the rain, from shake it off to you belong with me!  my room is plastered in posters of @taylorswift​ and i finally decided to start a tumblr. 

i remember watching the new romantics tour video and thinking “i can’t even imagine seeing her in real life”  because for the past 4 years i’ve just been watching her life in pictures, dreaming impossible dreams.  but then...

reputation dropped.  the blackout happened. i didn’t know what was going on, i was excited and scared.  but i knew that taylor swift was not over.  look what you made me do dropped.  i remember crying on my floor and asking my cat if it was real.  if it was real that taylor was back. i played look what you made me do on repeat until gorgeous dropped, then call it what you want.  and then reputation dropped.  and i just about died.  it’s still the best album i’v ever heard from anybody, and i’m just so happy that i’m able to be a swiftie in this era.  but one thing that stood out was that there would be a freaking tour.  i had a chance.  i looked at the tour dates.  santa clara is 4 hours away, easy, and the tickets were pricey, but i wished and wished and wished.  

it happened.  it was new years eve, my 13th birthday.  (coincidence??? i think not) my family was driving home from going out to lunch and my mom said, “you know what, why don’t you open some presents a little early” and i was like “heck yes” and she handed me this giant bag.  everything was tied with a ribbon, so i had to pull everything out one by one.  first, it was mt 5th copy of reputation, then it was the reputation t shirt, and then it was another target magazine, and then... lyrics written on cards. i was already crying from the merch, but then... there was a little envelope at the end.  i opened it, and i started sobbing. i screamed so loud, because there in my hands, were two reputation tour tickets.  i kept screaming “i’m going to breath the same air as her?? be in the same stadium as her???”  

i got to work.  i had 5 months till tour, and i spent those five months counting down the days, fantasizing about costumes and the set list, watching that new romantics video but with more positive thoughts in mind.  i made me costume, i made me sign. i was ready for it.  

spoiler alert: i was NOT ready for it

my mom and i drove the 4 hours, listening to @taylorswift the whole way. funny story:  our car got broken into, so we stopped at my aunt and uncle’s house, and i thought it was literally the sweetest thing that when i walked in, they were playing shake it off in their kitchen.  for me. so that’s why the window is taped up. but we didn’t let it affect our concert, we shook it off.  

we got to the stadium, safe and sound.  my heart was pounding, i was shaking and breathing heavily when i got there. i had to throw my sign away, but i was good with it. 

i got my very own snake ring at the merch trucks, and a tour t shirt that is probably my most prized possesion.  again, words cannot describe how freaked out i was.  i was saying “you mean... taylor allison swift is less than a mile away from me right now???”  

i painted my nails to say “i heart ts” and i drew a 13 on my hand.  

my mom was sick but she still came to the concert with me, so we were getting an iced coffee for her.  but while we were in line... the lights turned off.  the stadium went black.  i screamed, my mom and i ran to our seats.  we stumbled through people rushing to their seats, but we made it.  i was sobbing. the iconic “BABY LET THE GAMES BEGIN”  began after the iconic opening video and by then i was hyperventilating.  @taylorswift came on and i was screaming and i kept saying to my mom “she’s right there!! taylor swift is right there!!!”  and i was a mess but i think i was the mess she wanted.  

my mom took a ton of pictures of me screaming the lyrics, i think this was during ready for it.  

idsb was probably my favorite part of the show.  i was shook and wigless from the vocal shows and the insane fireworks.  at this point i was screaming “THIS IS THE BEST PART MOM THIS IS THE BEST SONG”  

and then at the end of idsb she smiled that smile of hers and looked out at that endless ocean of crowd and i realized i was part of that endless ocean of crowd so i just kept screaming at the top of my lungs “I LOVE YOU TAYLOR”  and “I WOULD DIE FOR YOU”  

taylor did a speech before gorgeous and called me gorgeous and that really does a lot for your self esteem so

love story and style and you belong with me were amazing, the holy trinity honestly.  

she played look what you made me do and I SAW KARYN BUT I DIDN’T KNOW HER NAME YET and i was probably the only one singing the background vocals in end game and it felt a m a z i n g

she did her little delicate speech and i was like “PREACH GURL” because she started talking about her break and how feeling lonely is different than feeling alone and i really felt that ya’ know?  literally anything that comes out of her mouth is gold.  

and then this queen pulled the best day out of her little pocket full of sunshine and surprise songs from 2009??? and it was really emotional for me and my mom because that’s our song and we both were singing it together and hugging and i started crying again.  

SHE SANG BLANK SPACE AND I DID THE SANTA CLARA BACKGROUD VOCAL THING OFC AND I LOOK AT HER HITTING THAT HIGH NOTE I’M SO PROUD OF HER VOCAL SKILLS

also i witnessed @taylorswift take off her dress but it’s cool it’s chill nobody freaking out over there i was completely calm and composed you know how i feel about taylor swift, i just think she’s alright and everything she does is nothing special 

and then the bad blood and SHOULD’VE SAID NO mashup came on and i died and rose up from the dead to take this picture my mom was like “let’s take a picture”  and i was like “i’m too busy dancing”  but then i let her take a picture of me...

the humming.  the humming in don’t blame me.  could it be... my STAN SONG??? THE BEST SONG TAYLOR ALLISON SWIFT HAS EVER RELEASED?? HUH?? ALL THE VOCALS AND THE BRIDGE AND THE CHORUS AND EVERY SINGLE LYRIC MY HEART WAS POUNDING I WAS THE LOUDEST ONE IN THE STADIUM AND I DIED DEAD DONT BLAME MEEEEE

 also LONG LIVE AND NEW YEARS DAY um excuse me while i drown in my tears

POEMS WERE READ TEA WAS SPILLED and then i heard “no nothin good starts in a getaway car” and I  L O S T  I T

here i am in hysterics again, screaming “WE NEVER HAD A SHOTGUN SHOT IN THE DARK” 

(i’m skipping around bc i don’t have that many pictures)

the “oooOOOOooOOOOh” in WANEGBT started playing and once again, i lost my composure.  

in conclusion, it was the best night of my entire life.  and i’m serious about that.  i saw @taylorswift with my own eyes.  i saw her in real life, her hot glue gun scar and her hella good hair, and it was unforgettable.  i saw her play the album that i love so dearly.  she taught me lessons in that stadium, lessons about loneliness and love and disappearance.  no, i didn’t meet her in reproom.  obviously i wanted to (i would give anything to)  but it wasn’t about meeting her.  

it was about being with her.  being too busy dancing to get knocked off our feet with her.  in that stadium, i felt free of judgement and i was able to dance and sing and have the time of my life.  and for that, i want to thank @taylorswift.  for putting on a show that i’ll look back on and smile and possibly cry.  i want to thank the dancers and the band and the background singers for making it even better, and i want to thank the people who clean up the glitter after the party.  thank you @taylorswift.  ever since may 12th, i’ve been doin’ better than i ever was.

#reptour santa clara #tour post #reputation #dont blame me #taylor swift

[lunebinnie]

(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste?  🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh. 

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually. 

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities  you know). 

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool. 

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

#asa #Anonymous

[one-moreminute]

HI, for the ask meme: 1, 2, 5, 6, 7,8, 10, 12,13, 16, 17, 23, 24, 25, 32, 33, 40, 41, 44, 47, 49, 52, 54, 57, 58, 60, 62(and yes I am an idiot for putting that number in here), 66, 68, 69, 70 and 71(good luck)

I’m gonna say now that I really cba to paste in the questions for all of these because tumblrs fucked up again so enjoy this bigass disjointed ask dump. 1 - I’m a back sleeper, but its more comfortable on my side. Go figure. 2 - It depends really? Its normally what I’ve just been listening to, so,, I’ve been listening to BTS again lately though, and I just caught myself humming Aeroplane Pt.2,,, so,,,,5 - My irl friend (@queerly-disappointed, Fuck You) told me he had a tumblr,, and I’d found the text posts that popped up on basically every other social media funny, so I made an account? I regretted it like 60 seconds later6 - I don’t think telling people I used to watch an anime about (gay) volleyballers would go too well, tbh (haikyuu)7 - ,,,okay so tbh I don’t really wanna explain any of my interests there mainly because people are assholes and I’m way too guarded, but wtnv would probably be the easiest because it just sounds like a weird podcast8 - It just switched from Outro: Tear (BTS) to Press Restart (Walk the Moon), so I guess that counts?10 - Wait,, I can pick ANY animal,, and I magically have no allergies,, do you genuinely think I’d stop at one? Okay but I’d probably start of with a dog (I used to have a border collie and they’re the best), like 37 cats, and crows are also really cool but probably not the best pet,, so12 - this is,, a tough one. Uhhh, I genuinely hate pineapple with every fibre of my being and every one of them should be thrown into the void so I never have to taste that sour piece of stringy shit ever again. ,,,I’m okay now13 - catch me avoiding all confrontation ever, so like,, Running Away That Magically Kills Everyone?16 - jejahsjjs salty/savoury food is the best, when I can have it curry is great, but if not just salty crackers are vvv good. I have no idea why, I just really like the taste and they make me feel better, so??17 - mad science huh,, I really like biology and plants are cool, so catch the Mad Botanist and his Army Of Evil Trees (and that one asshole holly bush who keeps spiking everyone bc they’re an asshole and I hate them)23 - I end up obsessively hoarding pens and paper because I always run out. Does that count?24 - Nearest pen’s my good fineliner, which I got last September for school I think?25 - Last game I played is Really Bad Chess (check the App Store, it’s,, something), so unless the zombies end up with like 6 queens I think I’m good 32 - When I was a kid I had this stuffed dog thing and I’d squeezed half of the stuffing out into the arms, so the joins between the body and shit were completely empty. He’s currently living behind my bed, in a box somewhere, I think 33 - Keeping a Secret by Bleachers (I actually really like this song but there aren’t many like,, meaningful lyrics in that way I guess? It’s more the mood, idk if you could pull some out and have it mean the same,, but)And oh God, it's a long walk homeBut I understand why I walk it alone44 - Most orange is UGLY with other colours. I don’t really like red either?47 - When I was really little I had this weird ass dream about clowns? Like it was legit just six different clowns stood in front of a blue background but I was Shook. 49 - Obscure facts,, when ya boi John Snow was trying to prove cholera was in fact Water Bourne And Doesn’t Appear Out Of Nowhere You Fucking Twat back in the 19th Century, he made a map of the deaths in his area due to cholera. Except he found one woman miiiiiles away who was dead from it, even though she was nowhere near any other victims. Why? She had her servants bring water from the infected pump because she liked the taste. 52 - ,,once upon a time my dumbass thought he was straight54 - I bet you couldn’t fucking guess what my favourite fucking curse is, I mean what the fuck, it must be so fucking hard, I have no fucking clue how the fuck you’re gonna guess this 57 - Digital art is genuinely incredible but I can’t do it to save my life 58 - Uhh,, I know how to build a fire?60 - Dinosaurs and aliens are great but dude,, dragons62 - I’m not insulting you, nice try 66 - Honesty, creativity, kindness I guess?68 - Nebula is a good word69 - Fuck alien, marry dragon, kill dinosaur (they had it coming anyway)70 - And here we see a wild gay, in his natural habitat. The specimen appears to be avoiding all responsibility, shielding himself in the familiar digital walls of his phone - but what’s this? He’s picking up a pen - we may be in for a treat today - he’s leaning down to the book open on his desk,, he’s about to write someth- and the pen crashes against the window, thrown from the creature in a moment of impulsiveness and sheer, unbridled stupidity. 71 - How about I don’t do that?So I’ve been doing this on and off for the past like 6 hours and I haven’t proof read this and I can’t remember what I put in this so rip future me

[gibbyj]

goodnight and goodbye handsome

7.13.21 / 2:21 am

fuuuuuck i’m high!!’ turns out if you don’t smoke all day you get literally blasted. anyways hahaha, that’s not the point is it?

if you’ve gotten this far, i assume you’re reading this. honestly, i assume you’re reading this anyway. maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, but for some reason you’ll come. in a few days, you’ll visit my page.

here’s the thing, i know why i visit you. i’m in love with you. it’s really that simple. i tell people that, and i think that. deep down, i fear it may not be true. i’m terrified i’ve wasted years of my life craving a fling. and yet, deeper down, i’m drawn to you. i’m trapped in your fucking wave.

that’s a song you told me to listen to. do you remember why we broke up? hahahaha, i guess that’s a dumb question. in this world, everyone genuinely has their own truth. their own steps they’ve walked in this world to get to the version of themselves and their surroundings in their mind. [side note: that’s pretty fucking poetic right? i came up with that in 10 seconds high as a kite, please start writing again? i miss it, the world misses it. what happened to your notebook? ik you have ideas in there]

anybays, here’s my full version of why i genuinely believe you broke up with me. 1) you had a crush on her, and you were attracted to her 2) you were hurt bc i had been in texting him 3) we were fighting a lot 4) we had been getting bored 5) i was kinda petty and a bitch 6) i had been lying to you (and the world) for most of my life 7) i had been intentionally distancing myself and avoiding you 8) i’m SURE things i’m forgetting

i’m sure that’s incomplete, and perhaps incompatible with your version of events. i had also already broken up with you, that was a major factor. i used to point this out to our friends, and anyone who would listen to me, that you followed a similar path. when was the last time you were genuinely single, 14? 15? i don’t point that out to say that you weren’t able to grow, i’ve spent most of my grown life in love. but you always had someone lined up. you didn’t get rid of me until you had someone else to kiss.

i did that too, but i got bored. i really thought you would get bored. and i’m sorry, i wish i didn’t wish that. every part of me wants to have been able to let you go after i had written my first goodbye. but here’s the thing. you responded, quickly. and i’m sorry, im genuinely sorry for all of the times i reached out to you. im sorry for trying to add you on snapchat. im sorry for messaging you when i thought you were trying to talk to me. and im really, really, sorry for blacking out and texting you.

but here’s the, thing. you responded. you respond quickly. why do you check on me? seriously, why? sometimes i think, probably more like hope, you’re here bc i look good in my pictures, bc obviously that’s my intention. but why do you talk to me? and no, you dont. that’s really hard to explain to the people closest to me. no, we don’t talk, he like subtweets me? but i swear i’m not crazy. no really, they’re original posts, what else could they be?

and i dissect them, over and over again. i listen, i think about it, i picture you singing in your car, or smiling with your eyes closed. i think of you in your bed, thinking of me, and i don’t know why. because you don’t talk to me, you don’t seem to like me, and you don’t seem to be unhappy.

i drove past your house tonight. and in my FUCKING defense, it’s an alternative to my gd house, no one seems to understand that it’s literally like not a detour and i get home in the same amount of time. but i really don’t know why i do it. because i’m never happy. it’s never what i want. here’s what i want, i want you walking to your car, and seeing me drive past, i’d wave, slow down, and say hi. and finally ask for a goddamn explanation.

but that’s never going to happen. and i have to accept that. that’s never going to happen. i’m never going to rest my head in your neck, or hold your hand, or kiss you, or hug you, or laugh with you, or sing, or drive, or talk to you ever again. and that makes me so sad.

as i write that, i can feel the blood draining from my arms, and my stomach fell. i will probably go to sleep tonight, and even though i’ll distract myself with cormac mccarthy, i’ll be sad tonight.

my grandmom died on thanksgiving. i’m sure you don’t remember, but she was my best fucking friend. i’m not gonna talk about that, but i bring it up to say that if i’m being honest, my bones feel the same now as they did then.

we’re dead. the glimmer of me that believes in us, that picture going to concerts, seeing you drunk, dancing and laughing and singing and kissing and fucking and driving and watching movies and making jokes and living life together is gone. it’s dead. it has to be dead.

i went to barnes and noble today, and i looked for your car in the parking lot. i went to ocean city, and i scanned the top of the crown looking for your smile. and then i went to hammonton.

i got drinks with an ex tonight, don’t worry it wasn’t you. we have nothing in common, but he’s a good friend to me, and he’s really supportive and is always there for me, which tbh isn’t a common trait among my good friends. we talked, and it was pretty boring, but it was nice. and i asked him wtf you were doing. what it meant. why. if i should drive past your house.

he said no, i shouldn’t. he didn’t understand why i would choose to hurt myself that way. i showed him your page, and he chuckled a little. i dissect your feed, i visit you in the morning and the evening. every original post a message. a reaction or a plea in some way.

he told me i was crazy, which he isn’t wrong about. and the funny thing is, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. sometimes, i fear i’m just a joke. maybe you guys watch me together, listen to my songs and laugh at the desperation between the lyrics. but, i really don’t think that’s it. you’re better than that. you’re nice, people don’t know that, to be honest you don’t always show that, but you have such a pure heart. and i don’t think you’re that gross.

maybe i’m wrong, and gd if i am gg sis you really found your person. but i don’t think im talking to both of you. i really, really think im talking to you. sometimes, it really feels like im talking to you. like you’re next to me, if i close my eyes, i can almost feel your hands on me.

but, im not. you’re in that deer town, and im in the college court. we’re thirty miles, and three years apart from one another. we’ve grown and changed and flipped upside down from those kids hanging out at the voorhees mall.

and so im left to figure out by myself why you’re here. why despite you being far and happy, you come to haunt me. you know, most exes emotionally haunt their ex, not legitimately leave unnecessary and misleading breadcrumbs.

i have a whole slew of degrees now, so i’ve come to my best version of a guess: you’re filing your insurance card. and you know what? four hours ago, i really would have been okay with that. i would have dated and waited and dated and waited until you came crying back, because you were my person. you were my goddamn dream boy. and i couldn’t believe i had you.

i let you go so quickly. and goddamn julia you didn’t let anyone go. here’s what i realized: anyone can fight for anyone. if you wanted me as badly as i want you, you would be here. here, here. but you’re not. instead, she’s there.

and i finally realized, what’s the goddamn point? i don’t know if you realized bro but i’m literally a gd catch. also, tbh i’m a lady w 38ddds so i can laid truly anytime i need to. and more importantly, i’m funny. i’m nice. im kind and i’m compassionate and caring and giving and smart as hell and really fun to hang out with. im a great singer, and a really fun dancer. and guys realize that.

there are so. many. guys like you. and i don’t mean that to be rude, trust me i didn’t know that this morning. but there are funny guys out there. there are guys who will go crazy when i take my clothes off and call me when i’m sad, and they’ll be happy to do it. they’ll be excited to be with me, i won’t be a back up.

and so, i’m giving myself that opportunity. i’m letting myself let go of you, to bury you and us alongside the memories i’m grateful for. so thank you, for teaching me all of my favorite bands. for making me laugh, and holding me when i needed you to. for kissing me, for loving me, and for reminding me that even now, im still a little special.

but i’m not going to sit around and wait for you to react. im not going to check on your songs, or your liked posts, or drive past your goddamn house. im not going to obsess over what you’re trying to say, because if you wanted to say it, you would. you wouldn’t hide it in spongebob songs, you would just message me. you would say hi.

but you dont, and deep down, i know you wont. god, even now, i want this to turn you inward. but when it doesn’t, or if it does and you still want nothing to do with me, i’m not gonna cry. because i really, really, really believe i’m gonna be okay.

i hope you’re okay too. i really, really wish you nothing but the best in this world. whatever this world brings you, i hope it comes with happiness, the ability to find joy in any situation, laugh at the small things. i believe in you, i hope you learn to believe in yourself.

#with this goodbye i change my life

[frankensteindotpdf]

All of them (bc why not)

HOLY CRAP HERE WE GO

Harry Potter: How do you want to be remembered?

As someone who made a difference; someone who was kind, sweet, funny, and loving. 

Hermione Granger: If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you meet?

Daniel Handler/Lemony Snicket- This man is amazing. He’s my favourite author and I couldn’t even begin to express how much I love him.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle- Another one of my favourite authors. He was insanely intelligent and just sounds like an awesome guy.

J.K. Rowling- Obviously.

Gerard Way- His songs mean so much to me, and his art is amazing…I just love him so much

Dan and Phil- (including them as one fite me) They’re so smart and funny and sweet and I just really really want to meet them.

(that’s just the first few to come to my head)

Ron Weasley: What ice-cream flavours do you love/hate?

Mint Chip is one of my favourites (fun fact! for a while I only said it was my favourite because it was my favourite character’s favourite flavour). I also L O V E cookie dough and cotton candy. I cant hate ice cream broski

Hagrid: If you could breed two totally different animals together, what new animal would you create?

A turtle and a sloth. No specific reason why.

Dumbledore: What is your most treasured possession?

My books, probably. (This includes my sketchbooks)

Voldemort: On the first day of ruling the world, what would you do?

Remove all laws against things people can’t control or that don’t harm others (being gay, bathroom bans, religions, etc.). After that I’d order the wealth of the world to be spread more evenly, as well as the food.

Fred Weasley: If you were told you only had one week left to live, what would you do?

Cry? Then I’d probably read, try to do something impactful, start a fundraiser (people love to donate to dying teens) so the funds could go somewhere important like disaster relief.

George Weasley: If you could read minds, whose would you want to read?

Authors mostly. Also my friends, see how they really feel about me.

Draco Malfoy: Do you like yourself?

I’m working on it? I know I don’t hate everything about myself (even though it feels like it sometimes), and I’m trying to be more positive.

Ginny Weasley: What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Drawing and listening to music.

Neville Longbottom: What’s your fondest memory?  

(Oh it sounds so pathetic) Going to Universal? Honestly I was shaking it was literally like stepping right into the movies I’ve been watching since I was 2. I really love the peaceful happy moments spent with friends and my cousins (they live like 10 hours away). Singing and feeling genuinely happy.

Luna Lovegood: What are your favorite lyrics?

Oh there are SO many I’ll just go with the ones I can think of first

“I never let them see the worst of me. ‘Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?” Words Fail, DEH

“I cry tears you’ll never see. So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be.” Save Rock And Roll, FOB

“Oh how stupid to think that I could compare to the pretty girl with the butterscotch hair. And I won’t hate you but oh, it stings. How does it feel to be adored by him?” Adored By Him, Dodie Clark

All of Waving Through A Window

And wow that was depressing how about a nice one

“Take my jumper. Wear it, you’ll need it on the train home. And everyone will know that I’ve been loved tonight; a permanent hug from you.” Permanent Hug From You, Dodie Clark

Severus Snape: Of all your pet-peeves, which is the strangest?

Wow there’s a lot…incorrect grammar, being able to hear people chewing, clicking noises with no rythm or beat, people being too physically close…

Remus Lupin: What is your greatest fear?

Being alone.

James Potter: If you were reincarnated as an animal/drink/ice cream flavor, what would it be?

Honestly I have no idea…I have yet to decide on a favourite animal, drinkwise maybe one of those punches with pop and ice cream, and ice cream flavour…uhh is music a flavour?

Lily Potter: Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Anyone? People in general, I don’t really see myself as a person anymore, or at least worthy of the same respect and treatment so I’d do a lot for other people and yes, if it came to it, probably die for them too.

Sirius Black: What are your views on sex?

Personally I think it looks like a great thing to be shared with the right person. I think everyone has a right to their own bodies and their own decisions but I personally would have to be with someone for a while first.

Tonks: if you could be anyone else for a day, fictional or non-fictional who would you be any why?

Oh man idek that’s so difficult…..maybe Tonks? Honestly she’s so sweet and fun and CONFIDENT I could totally learn from that. Plus the metamorphagus powers would be awesome. and of course she’s married to remus

McGonagall: What do you believe I am thinking right now?

I think you’re doing the Jared Kleinman Laugh TM because of all the work you’re making me do.

Bellatrix: three words would others probably use to describe you?

annoying, irritating, stupid hopefully sweet, kind and funny

Lucius Malfoy: Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

I love debating, but actual arguements happen VERY rarely…I never stand up for myself so the only time I’ll argue with someone is if they’re hurting one of my friends.

Molly Weasley: What do you define as a family?

A group of people who love each other, feel comfortable around each other, and support and bring out the best in each other.

Arthur Weasley: If you could have any career possible, what would it be?

FULL TIME LIBRARIAN, PART TIME TATTOO ARTIST

Peter Pettigrew: If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

If I had to, I would put much more thought and research into it but atm probably Beatrice or Elizabeth or something gender neutral

Umbridge: If you could choose, how would you want to die?

I WANT TO BE HIT BY AN AMBULANCE, AND HAVE JUST ENOUGH CONCIOUSNESS TO SAY “SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE”

Colin Creevey: Who inspires you?

Youtubers like Dan and Phil, Thomas Sanders, and Dodie, as well as the members of MCR and authors and artists in general.

Dean Thomas: Are you generally organised or messy?

It’s a mix. I want to be organised, and some places of my life are organised (my closet is organised in rainbow order as well as type of clothing) but others are horrible (my room is a dump).

Seamus Finnigan: What makes you laugh?

Youtube, memes….everything tbh

Dudley Dursley: Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Not gonna say the name but there’s a person I know who basically destroyed my mental state. They insisted they were a friend while shredding any self-esteem I had to bits. They made it nearly impossible for me to talk, telling me “no one cares” “shut up” or “you have no friends” anytime I opened my mouth, which of course echoed in my head when they weren’t around. They terrify me, because I know they can rip down the self-confidence I’m working so hard to build back up with a sentence. And I have to see them every day again. And they’re acting just like they used to.

Vernon Dursley: Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Gosh this is tough. I don’t really…have a best friend. I used to, years ago. And last year, another person. But at the moment…no one. So that makes it really hard to choose someone. I know it doesn’t have to be a best friend but there isn’t really anyone else, either so…no…one?

Petunia Dursley: How close are you to your family?

Fairly? I feel like I hide a lot though.

Victor Krum: What is your favorite form of exercise?

none probably hiking on a nice cool day in the forest. Or sit-ups. Those aren’t too hard, so I don’t mind them.

Dobby: Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

(FINALLY LAST ONE) For most things, I very much need a plan. Otherwise I panic. If it’s just hanging out with friends, though, I do enjoy just wandering around shopping at festivals or downtown (but there has to be a set plan to get there ha)

#ask #the longest thing ever #this took so long #i hate you #jk jk ily #thanks for asking

[athena1138]

I know you’re supposed to let people ask you for numbers and THEN answer, but I’m pmsing really fucking hard and struggling to hold on to the one single brain cell I have that’s keeping me from breaking down and just screaming/trashing the place. SOOOOO here’s 100 questions nobody asked me to answer. 

1. A selfie?

Two or three months old, but I like it still. 

2. How old are you?

23 1/2.

3. What is your birthday?

Nov. 2 (Day of the Dead~)

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple/Teal

6. What’s your lucky number?

5

7. Do you have any pets?

I, myself, have a cat, but my mom has three dogs and my estranged cat who couldn’t move into my apartment with me but whom my mom wouldn’t let me adopt once he COULD

8. Where are you from?

Corn. (Indiana.)

9. How tall are you?

5′7

10. What shoe size are you?

11 in women’s, 9 1/2 in men’s.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Um. I just moved and got rid of a bunch, so maybe 10 total

12. What was your last dream about?

Honestly, it was a sex dream about a friend’s sister. (Let’s not explore that, shall we?) 

13. What talents do you have?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL (I write fanfiction.)

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I have a shitton of deja vu that I think comes from dreams. It never does anything productive, but eh.

15. Favorite song?

Ah shit. To listen to, Rap God. To sing, La Vie en Rose. 

16. Favorite movie?

Taming of the Shrew, the Liz Taylor version.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone with a shitton of patience and an understanding of when to walk away from me before I break down. (Also, Fenris from DA2 or Cullen Rutherford.)

18. Do you want children?

FUCK THAT

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I wouldn’t mind having a wedding in a big, beautiful church like if it had a Window(tm) yknow, but there will be ZERO religion in my service. Even then, a wedding in a church is quite low on my list. My top three wedding preferences are:  countryside (but not the kind with cowboy boots and mud and a dirt-floor barn. I mean the bougie white bitch from the city doesn’t actually wanna get dirty kind of countryside,) seaside, and in the woods (like Twilight.)

20. Are you religious?

Nah. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I got a seatbelt ticket once and a written warning for speeding (which I’m still pissed about. I was on my way to say goodbye to my grandpa before he died.)

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Jonathan Frakes (TWICE!,) LeVarr Burton, and John DeLancie. It was supposed to be Brent Spiner in place of the 2nd Jonathan Frakes one, but with the fires in California and his son getting sick, he had to cancel. I was heartbroken. I adore him.

24. Baths or showers?

Depends on the tub. 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Who wears socks at home in July?

26. Have you ever been famous?

When I was 13, I won second place in a national creative writing contest and 3 gold medals for state. My little hometown did a front-page article about me. It was most definitely the peak of my life. That’s about how fucking far down the barrel I am now. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Money, yeah. Otherwise, nah. 

28. What type of music do you like?

All kinds but country. I have a special preference towards 50s ballads, lyrical rap, and 2000s summer hits like Cyclone and Right Thurr. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Ye

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

6, generally.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I have one of those pillows with the little arms on the side that I flip upside down and cuddle into like I’m sleeping on someone’s chest. I can sleep like that for hours.

32. How big is your house?

1200sqft.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Coffee

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes. I’m a v good shot.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes. I’m a v good shot. 

36. Favorite clean word?

Pusillanimous.

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck nugget.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

4 days.

39. Do you have any scars?

A shitton. My favorite is the pair on my forehead that form a little 01. I also have a lot of self-harm scars across my breasts that I like. 

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

As a joke, yeah, but I’ve never gotten like... actual honest-to-god love letters. 

41. Are you a good liar?

I used to be. I don’t see the point anymore. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

No. I’m too eager to make friends. 

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

It’s not uncommon for me to accidentally do an accent from whatever show I was just watching, especially if I’m talking to myself. I can do a surprising variation on Spanish accents, but that’s also because of my Spanish linguistics class. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I have a weird accent. I say some things like I’m from Chicago (like, I say “hot dwawg”) but I say some things kind of southernish especially if I get mad, but some things I say Canadian and some British. 

45. What is your favorite accent?

Speaking English, Russian. Speaking their native language, Cuban.

46. What is your personality type?

INTP. Or, if you’re like me and don’t remember what that means, I’m a raging bitch who thinks she’s funny and tries too hard.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

My bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding. Fucking $460 after alterations. 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

No

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

150%

52. Favorite food?

Garlic

53. Favorite foreign food?

北京烤鸭. (Peking Duck.)

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy.

55. Most used phrased?

Cool beans///Suck a fuck. 

56. Most used word?

Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends where I’m going. Work or school, 10 minutes. To something with my family or friends, like an hour. But that’s because I just move slower, not because anything changes. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Yes. I’m conceited as shit. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck until they get riddled with holes. 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

60% of my verbal interactions are with myself, yes. (30% are with my pets, 10% with other people.) 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes. 

62. Are you a good singer?

I can match pitch. That doesn’t mean I should. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Ending up bogged down with kids I don’t want in a city I hate with a job I’ve been at for 10+ years. 

64. Are you a gossip?

Yes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

I really like the remake of Steel Magnolias with Queen Latifah, and Diary of a Mad Black Woman. 

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On me, long. On others, depends. 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

If you give me a minute and a pen, maybe. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Band/English/Science. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Intro. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No

71. What makes you nervous?

The future

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Only after watching a ghost movie. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Yes

74. Are you ticklish?

Do you bruise easily? 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Yes

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yes

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes, but not much. I asked my boyfriend to give me a sip of his 4 Loko and fucker was like, “nooo it’s illegal.” 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

What makes the boyfriend thing funny is we had spent literally that entire summer high of our asses, but “noooo, it’s illegal for you to drink.” His method of thinking was, It’s illegal for everyone to smoke weed, so it’s fair that everybody breaks that law, but it’s only illegal for people under 21 to drink so it’s not fair.

79. Who was your first real crush?

As in, a real person? Ethan Richards, elementary. I crushed on him for 5 years. (Caleb Smith was a close second, and looking back I think maybe he liked me, too.) But I wrote Ethan a note in 5th grade telling him I liked him and he super broke my heart. 13 years later and I’m still bitching about it. 

80. How many piercings do you have?

Currently, 9. I’ve had 13 though. 

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

No. I make L sounds instead, like Puerto Ricans do. 

82. How fast can you type?

150+wpm. I beat out my typing teacher in 7th grade. She gave us a party to celebrate. 

83. How fast can you run?

If I’m drunk, really fucking fast. Sober, not very. (I got wasted at a party and sprinted all the way across my apartment complex to run back to my room and help my roommate get more booze. It was incredible. I almost got hit by a car.) 

84. What color is your hair?

Brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Potentially shellfish bc everyone else in my family is. 

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

My dad’s dead, mom works in the registration division in a hospital. Idk what exactly. 

89. Do you like your age?

No. I’m too old to not know what I want to do in life but too young to know what I want to do in life, and I’m in debt and broke and I have no job and no prospects and everyone keeps asking me and it makes me break down and cry and

90. What makes you angry?

Stupid people. This goddamn dog. Lots of things. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Now that the “Becky” thing has subsided a little, yeah. I used to hate all versions of the name Rebecca, but I’m pretty content with Becca. Becca Eileen suits me pretty well I think. 

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Psh. Even though I don’t want kids, yeah, I’ve thought of some. Most of them are ridiculous now. Fred and George for twins, Zane for a boy, Nonni for a girl, etc. Nothing I would actually choose now. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I think assigning importance to the genitalia of my child is a fucking ridiculous and borderline disgusting thing to do. I would want a healthy child, if there were to be a child. 

94. What are your strengths?

Um. I can sleep for a really long time. 

95. What are your weaknesses?

Lol. Everything, my dude. Fucking everything. 

96. How did you get your name?

Eileen comes from my mom’s best friend in high school. Rebecca supposedly doesn’t come from anywhere, but my dad was married to a Rebecca before my mom and I think that’s just too fucking weird to forget. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I highly doubt it. 

98. Do you have any scars?

You already asked that. 

99. Color of your bedspread?

Black. It’s the Hogwarts school crest! 

100. Color of your room?

Beige. My mom wouldn’t let me pick a different color. When I get my own place that lets me color the walls, I want some nice, deep violets with an accent wall that has criss-crossed fuchsia and teal. 

[ificouldflytotheclouds]

Youngblood Album First Impressions

These are my initial thought after listening to the album for the first time.

Youngblood

I was at work when the studio version of this song first dropped, I was standing in the foyer as I waited for campus transportation to arrive. I was familiar with the song because I had listened to live recordings to prepare me for my concert, which at the time was three days away. My jaw dropped. The live version was good, but the studio version was a killer. This song is a  deserves to be danced to, HARD. In concert, I don’t feel like this song goes as hard, and for that reason, I prefer the studio version. It’s funny because I thought this song went hard, I WAS NOT PREPARED. 

I think this was an excellent title track and song to start the album. It encapsulates the feel of the entire album from the production, singing, and the lyrics. 

Favorite Lyrics:

“Surrender my everything/'Cause you made me believe you're mine“

This line is so vulnerable and it tugs at my heartstrings.

“When you looking at those strangers/Hope to God you see my face”

I am a sucker for these lyrics after making eye contact with Luke during the concert, but I also relate this to the crush that at had at the time, and the friends that are no longer friends.

Want You Back

When I first listened to  this song I was like wHo iS tHiS bAnD?? I think this was a good lead single (had they known the success of youngblood that might’ve been better, but it might not have gotten as popular if it came out of nowhere) to introduce the new song. Compared to rest of the album this song is fairly tame, I’ve listened to it so many times that ofc this is 5sos. I just wow I’m so proud of them (imma try not to write this through the entire post bc thats basically what I did on twitter all night)

Favorite Lyrics:

Is it tears or just the fucking rain? (who am I liking explicit lines, I am a changed woman)

And the way that I used to make you laugh/'Cause you know every morning I wake up/Yeah, I still reach for you/I remember the roses on your shirt/When you told me this would never work

Lie to Me

Out of the non-singles performed on tour (+valentine, talk fast, moving along), this one is my favorite. I fell in love with it instantly. It makes me think of Come Back… Be Here which is my second favorite Taylor Swift song. Ngl, hearing the studio version was a tad disappointing because I was hoping that there would be piano in the song, even though why would there be? Lol. It’s not like there was piano in the live version. Listening to the studio version made me understand the boys when they talk about the contrast the sad lyrics with the happy beachy vibe instrumental. I still LOVE this song, it was just a bit of a shock because I had unrealistic expectations for the studio version (I think I was thinking closer to Ghost of You vibes), regardless, I will request they release a piano cover of the song. The short clips of Luke on the piano is not enough. The harmonies in this song are so good and my hear hurts over the lyrics. 

There is violin in this song and that needs to be appreciated. There’s also a certain sound at the end of the chorus that sounds like something else but I can’t remember what.

Favorite Lyrics:

And I caught you looking too, but you didn't look twice

Valentine

This song took me a while to get into. 1) The rhythm is very different from anything else I have heard by them 2) The word choices in the chorus, there are some words that automatically turn me off of songs they just sound cringy to me. After listening to the song enough I have gotten us to it and enjoy the song.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize, well I do, it’s because I had to get used to the lyrics, but this song is HOT. Another good song to perform on tour to introduce how SEXY this album is, literally. It’s funny because I normally am not a fan of albums when they’re too sexual but I am so in love with this album and they also address the topic in a classy, normalizing way, that doesn’t just focus on being horny, there’s an additional psychological dimension within their song.

Favorite Lyrics:

We know we're classic together like Egyptian gold/We love us

Talk Fast

This was the only song they sang on the tour that I hadn’t heard the studio version, my jaw was on the floor (I mean it was for most songs but lol). This was my second favorite non-single song they performed on tour, it has a fun ‘80′s inspired feel. The bass (and the drums) stand out in this song. 

Favorite Lyrics:

Leave all of your indecisions with you at home/Don't see you're doing me a favor

lol me. 

God dammit we look good together

Moving Along

This song also took me a little while to get into, besides the beat, I think it has to do with the more talk quality of the song. And again, the interesting lyrics. But now you see me bopping. I feel like they chose very unique songs to perform on tour and I appreciate that it also gave me the time to love them, so now I can properly enjoy them now that the album is out. 

Favorite Lyrics:

For this song, my favorite lyrics has to do more with what part of the song is the most fun to sing along to.

I know I’m the stupid one who ended it/And now I'm the stupid one regretting it

I've been thinking about you lots, lately/Or are you moving along?

If Walls Could Talk

This is the first new song that I heard and it was so exciting. From the first listen I knew that this is going to be one of my favorite songs. Which makes me scream because this is a straight sex song. This song just makes me smile and makes me want to dance. 

This is the first song that Ashton has a proper feature and it makes me so happy :) I love the drums and the piano in this song. Michael’s guitar part during most of the song brings a lightness during the song but then during the bridge it brings the gritty, we're getting down and dirty aspect to the song. 

-Disclaimer- I will not talk about bass enough through this post bc I do not have the best ear for bass, I am just not as familiar with the instrument. I can tell in some songs, but in others, I have to listen very closely but even then I don’t necessarily hear it (I mean I’m pretty sure Cal will be playing the piano in this song so... it makes sense)

Favorite Lyrics:

Bodies are hoping to get addicted to sound

I love this line. This is a song that makes you want to put your head back, dance and get lost in the music. It is a perfect representation of the song. 

If these walls could talk, I'd hope they wouldn't say anything/Because they've seen way too many things

This lines really brings perspective. I find this song to be very vulnerable. The line is saying that it’s seen everything you’ve done within these walls, the sex, the desire, but also you break down crying, the look of falling in love, anger, and frustration as you hit the wall… The walls know your everything.

Better Man

Another Taylor Swift reference? Lol. But actually, this song reminds me of Ed Sheeran. I even feel like how it’s sung gives me ed vibes, the guitar, down to the mhhh. 

This song is so cute. 

Favorite Lyrics:

New friends again and again, gone when the morning comes/Demons I try to defend, but I couldn't get enough

This line stood out right away it was sad and relatable. 

Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd die for you

im not emo.

More 

Another fav. This song goes so hard. It reminds me a little bit of ONE OK ROCK. There is a heavy guitar part, Ashton kills the drums at the end, and there's a shaker?? in this song too.

I mean... this is about Luke. It can easily apply to the other boys, but there’s a reason why this is a Luke dominate album. 

Favorite Lyrics:

Enemy lines are drawn, lines are drawn

I love how Calum sings this line

I like a lot of lines in the album, the first verse is a standout, idk, this is a very sad relatable song.

Why Won’t You Love Me

Lol the first few seconds makes me think of Chole by Emblem3 

This was the first song where I was still and entranced while listening to it. This is a very cinematic song, which is very beautiful but also makes me think of someone (cough cough) staring out a rainy window.

While I have never been in a relationship I can relate to this song, specifically to friendship. Sometimes people change or need something better even if nothing actually went wrong. I think this is something important to remember with any relationship, sometimes “It’s not you, it’s me” is as true as it gets. 

The ooh at the end is cute. 

Favorite Lyrics:

You say you can't wait and need to make a change

I check my phone to see your face/Staring back as if to say/Don't worry, you won't be lonely

Woke Up In Japan

I can’t help but think about my time in Japan while I listen to this (Even though I am actually visualizing China bc we were in a hotel for a short time, while the dorm we were in Japan was more like an apartment). This song is good, they lyrics standout the most, but it defs doesn’t stand out as much as other songs. It’s an interesting contradiction that I am trying to wrap my head around. It’s all over the place. The song is about amazing sex, the ecstasy of a night out while being in a bad mental place in another country. (even though japans probs metaphorical in this context)

Favorite Lyrics:

It was more than just a neon weekend

Empty Wallets

This is another song that does stand out too much but it’s still GOOD.

Favorite Lyrics:

Dancing on empty wallets

I love the visual 

Shoulda caught a break/The fluid ain't to blame/For the sugar causing pain

Ghost of You

I’m not dying, I am already dead. This song pulls at my heartstrings so much. I can’t. It also reminds me of songs that they play in ‘00 movies which makes me emo (closest I can think of I’ll be, but that’s not exactly the feel I’m going for).

This is a masterpiece. 

Favorite Lyrics:

The verses. I can’t pick. 

Monster Among Men

Michael starting of the song. Yes.  This song is funky and fun. I really enjoy the instrumental arrangement in this song, Ashton’s drumming goes hard, mikey’s guitar solo, cal on the piano. It’s amazing. This isn’t my #1 but it’s defs up there (as with the next to songs)

Favorite Lyrics:

one, two, three, four 

I love how this switches with the beat. The oh no’s in this song also go hard.

it's time for me to admit/That I'm an asshole, so here I go

boy…wyd? At least you’re being honest. 

Meet You There

The chorus, the beat drop. YESSSS. I also love the attitude of whatever will be will be, the universe will choose our destiny.

Favorite Lyrics:

I would break in bed, if you wanted me to

I. AM. SCREAMING.

Babylon

Calum F it up. The intro to this song. I had heard that a song sounded like FOB, my friend made the direct reference last night, but not until this morning have I finally been able to hear it. Sounds similar to centuries which is one of FOB’s best songs (that I’ve heard).

Favorite Lyrics:

The entire second verse 

I'm tired of the feud, your short fuse, my half-truths are not amused/I wish we had a clue to start new, a white moon, no residue/The color of our mood is so rude, a cold June, we're not immune/But if we're way too faded to fight, you can stay one more night.

And there we have it, folks. I am so incredibly proud of these boys. This album was life-changing for them, their excitement feed off to us, and it followed through. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed an album so much since Made in the AM and that was back in 2015. Well, this will all I will be talking about for a long time. So I am sorry in advance. 

Ranking to hopefully come later in the week.

Album Review/Ranking Masterlist

#youngblood album #youngblood reaction #youngblood first impression #song review #5 seconds of summer #5sos #calum hood #luke hemmind #michael clifford #ashton irwin #ghost of you #babylon #meet you there #empty wallets #woke up in japan #why won't you love me #more #if these walls could talk #talk fast #moving along #valentine #want you back #monster among men #lie to me

[mystery-star]

Liveblogging Les Misérables (2012) – Part 2/2

Here’s part 1 of the liveblogging

The elephant.  

Gavroche just climbing into that carriage. The disgust on the rich’s face.

“Cut the fat ones down to size” I just love it. The double meaning

Eponine is BEAUTIFUL. I also love her dress.

Well you call that love at first sight…

“Borrowed” Colette. Didn’t he make it obvious he’ll let her live with him forever?

Ah yes Javert again. Is there only one police officer in France?

There, Javert invading personal space again.

How hard. Eponine loves him and he asks her to find him the girl he saw like 10 seconds and fell in love with.

Boy please remember, you only saw her like 10 seconds. The world isn’t gonna end if you don’t see her again…

“It’s better than an opera” is that a hidden message that Les Mis is better than operas??

The way Enjolras pronounces “boy” boii.

Enjolras seems so offended by them joking around and Marius being in love

Marius, you only saw her fucking ten seconds…

“General Lamarque is dead” Enjolras going off like the guy in that meme bc he found his sign (you could actually make a meme with that… gimme a sec):

Aaand Marius is gone the second Epoinine is back because love

Ah at least Cosette askes herself if you can fall in love that quickly.

Valjean still got the candlesticks…

Nooo poor Eponine looks so hurt and broken when Marius is so happy about Cosette.

Also Marius, remember: 10 goddamn seconds!

You’re name’s just Cosette? No surname?

Ah the love-triangle….

Yeah calling your daughter a hussy. How nice. Dad of the year.

Also, are they trying to go and rob Valjean or what?

*Police presence announced* Valjean: “It must be Javert” sure, we established already that he’s the only police officer in France.

He’s packing the candlesticks: Because that’s the most important thing to take, alright

On my own reminds me so much of my daydreams with fictional crushes. Like 1:1

Poor Marius so stressed when he doesn’t find her…

And please to the both of you, you’ve know each other a day!

Just why does Javert know the Revolution will be that day? Ah never mind, he probably heard them advertising it. Lol.

Ah so many people singing different things a time… No understand.

BARRICADE DAY

How the soldiers just wait until the students finished singing before they do something…

Lol Javert trying everything to blend in with the peoples/students.

I’d be the first to die by getting hit by a falling piece of furniture.

Ah yeah, sending Javert best idea. How easily they just trust him. Like why not send one of your friends you know you can trust?

What has Javert actually been doing in the time he “spied” told the police what he found out at the barricade?

Ah yes Javert, you can take up on all these people all alone, trying to fight them is the best thing to do.

Dear Javert, even if Gavroche hadn’t called you out, they would have noticed literal 2 mins later that they are indeed attacked before dawn and your cover wouldn’t have been blown too…

“They’re coming over the barricade” Well, did you expect them to just shoot at the furniture or what??

Eponine, if you had time to grab that weapon, why direct it at you? Why not in the sky or down or something?

“You get something, I get something. Who needs charity?” Gavroche, you’re my hero.

“Stay away from there [the barricade]” Uh-uh he surely will

How Valjean pauses after reading that Cosette loves Marius. The shock…

Cosette is the child of Valjean’s autumn days? Fantine said her real father was gone when autumn came. I love the interconnections. And of course how some melodies are the same but different people singing different lyrics.

Valjean, after your short solo about Marius taking Cosette away your “I must find this boy” Sounds wrong. As if you wanna make sure he doesn’t come and take your child…

Ah yeah stealing an officer’s clothes to sneak up on people that fight officers. Best idea.

And look the students learned and closer inspect the volunteer this time first.

Did Javert just nod at Valjean (When he looks up after the students show him to Valjean)?? Or am I overinterpreting

“Give me Javert” how Javert’s eyes go like “Fuuuuck”

Javert you don’t understand what “Get out” means? He’s fucking changed, he told you so. Apparently, you changed too from prison scum to inspector. Is THAT the way of the lord to hate someone forever and not give them a second chance? Geez.

“Once a thief always a thief” I’d be like “One more word and I’ll also be a murderer”

Thank you Valjean for telling him off (and sayings he was always wrong)

Boiii Valjean just WANTS to be arrested.

How cute that Gavroche is always some notes behind in “Drink with me”

Ah Marius please do me a favor and don’t pretend you’re life is over because you might won’t see Cosette again or that she’d be sad if you die. You could actually die, you got bigger problems.

Valjean stop singing, the people are trying to sleep. They have to fight tomorrow. Honestly, why does no one ever complain that people are always singing?

What kind of deeps sleep does Marius have? He fell asleep mere minutes ago and Valjean is right next to him singing loud and he sleeps like an angel…

Courfeyrac said the power would get wet…. Why didn’t someone put it out of the rain?

Sorry but shooting at a child and then finding it funny. Sir, as your superior I’d have arrested you.

Ah now that he’s dead you look shocked.

How organized the students are, discussing which cannon/men they take out first.

Also, why didn’t the officers bring the canons in the night?

“Ah no we’ll fight, doesn’t matter if we don’t stand a chance” but then becoming desperate. Maybe could have considered that a tad sooner?

Why didn’t you inspect the place you want to build the barricade before to make sure you have an escape route or something, huh? Or do so in the night?

The irony that the soldiers lie where they died, scattered over the floor and the revolutionaries are nicely lined up and all. Who did that?

Also, first time Javert notices that MAYBE he’s been a bit of a prick. How he gives Gavroche his medal. My heart.

Then sees the sewers/hears Valjean and is all “Valjean hunting” mode again.

How/why did Thénardier get in the sewers?

May I say they are in… deep shit?

“This man’s done no wrong” Uh sorry, he was at the barricade. He probably killed someone. Isn’t that worse than stealing bread and fleeing?

“One more step and you die” Valjean just walks away… and nothing happens. Lol

Valjean caught you in the trap? You went there yourself, Javert and Valjean only came hours later.

He’s balancing in front of a deep again.

“Nothing on earth that we share” do you want me to make a list? Starting with similar lyrics, deeds, or just biological or cultural similarities? For starters, you both live on Earth, both in France at the same time and you’re both male.

Wait is he singing like 1:1 what Valjean sang before ripping his papers? Ship-mode activated

Because suicide was the ONLY option you had boii. It’s one (1) thief you’d let go free, do something good instead and be happy, forget it. Or invent fines and let Valjean pay some francs for fleeing. Arrest him and let him go free then immediately or let him escape… arrest him and be like “He did good stuff; his sentence is reduced to one month. Tell someone else to arrest him… Want me to go on?

Ahh the “Empty chair at empty tables” melody that features in at least two other songs.

And how hard it must be for Marius, to be the only survivor. Survivor’s guilt. It’s not even his fault he lives.

I generally admire the people can sing despite they emotion. Like I can’t sing at all and it gets worse when I’m emotional.

“A night full of you” I’m sorry that sounds wrong.

Ah everyone is singing at the same time again…

Valjean looks like my grandpa when he was younger.

“No more words” or “Not another word” seems to be Valjean’s fave line.

How cute Marius looks, listening to Valjean’s story so eagerly like a curious child.

Why would his “crime” make Cosette’s heart break? Isn’t just leaving her worse?

Has he packed his candle sticks again? I’m sure he has them.

The carriage boy’s look when the Thénardiers come through it “Where tf they come from?” also great disguise and great fake name.

Besides, do they even know their daughter died? How did they feel about it?

There, it’s pronounced Boii again, twice.

And I still don’t know what exactly they wanted Marius to think that they came to the wedding; That Valjean is a bad man?

The candle sticks in the convent…

Valjean looks like he aged 20 years in the past minutes.

Wait he’s dying now and believes/dreams Cosette is near, just as Fantine did when she died? Parallels...

Okay for Marius “Bring him home” meant let him live, but now you say “Bring me home” means let me die?

So Valjean promises to try and stay alive, only a minute later he’s gone.

I still stick to my headcanon that the Bishop is God. At least for Valjean.

The altered lyrics of “Do you hear the People sing?” does it to me.

But honestly, will all the afterlife be waving a flag on the barricade?

And the hidden meaning that they did get their better tomorrow in death. Damn.

Also, I asked myself where Javert was. Then I realized he might be in hell. Like his whole “Mine is the way of the Lord” maybe wasn’t that righteous? Or because he committed suicide?

#live bloggin #les mis #les miserables #part 2 #almost live