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#the living room and last time i had mine in the living room it wasnt good
mangosrar · 5 months
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cerebral
matt sturniolo x fem reader
this isn’t proof read 😛😛
suggestive ???
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i knew this would happen. it happened with the last guy i went on a date with, and the guy before that. they just werent him. it was such a horrible feeling to sit across from someone in a restaurant searching their face for a more familiar one, one that had memories etched into his smile lines, one that had a piece of you with him. but the feeling of having him, but not being abel to have him, wasnt much better.
it was hard, finding the middle ground between my ex and my best friend. we both promised that if we ever broke up nothing would change between us. but it did. i was more cautious of him. i picked my words carefully when they left my mouth. i studied his body language whenever i was close to him. he was like a ticking time bomb. he could be set off at any minute.
lazy footsteps could be heard before i saw matt pad his way into my living room before he plopped himself down next to me. he let himself in. of course he did. he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees before turning to look at me with a sad smile on his face.
"you okay?" his voice was hushed. like if he spoke too loud i might shatter. i just nodded with a gloomy smile on my face.
"so why do you look so sad y/n?" he knew me so well and i hated it. i couldnt differentiate wether he knew me so well because he was my bestfriend for so long, or if because he was the love of my life at one point.
"just the date. i dont think you wanna hear about it" i let out a sad laugh as i spoke. his eyebrows furrowed for a second before he replied.
"youre still my bestfriend y/n. just because youre my ex too doesn’t mean you cant tell me about the new guys" he sounded genuine. like he didnt care about the new guys. like he wasnt mad about them. but he should be. i wish he was. i wish he was repulsed at the thought of me ever being able to move on from him. but he wasnt. i kept my eyes trained to the ground. there was a heavy silence as he searched my face. i could feel his wandering eyes burning holes into me. like he could see straight into my brain.
"he called me cerebral matt" i paused, eyes still boring holes into the carpet beneath me. "i didnt even know what it meant" i raised my eyebrows and let out a huff of air through my nose. "would it have killed him to call me pretty instead?" i finally looked up at matt to see his eyes still on me. a look on his face that i couldnt decipher. i hated that he could see my walls crumbling.
"you are pretty y/n" he cooed, his voice so sickly sweet. matts hand moved onto my leg. rubbing slow circles with his thumb. i hated this. i hated that he could sit there and tell me this and not be mine. how could he promise to soften every edge and hold the world to its best when he was killing me.
"you cant say thing like this matt" i pushed his hand off my leg and just like that the walls were built back up again. his eyes dropped to his hand that was now slumped onto the sofa then back up to my face. he knew this was coming.
"why not?" he knew why. he just wanted to hear me say it. i paused momentarily. weighing up my options. deciding wether to say the real reason or to just leave it hanging in the air and say something that we both know is a lie. i didnt know where i stood with matt. he would treat me like in still his girlfriend in some ways, caring for me, being a shoulder for me to cry on and always being there to hold my hand when i needed him to, but he would drop it after a few seconds, leaving cold, heart shaped scars in his wake.
"because im still in love with you" tears were threatening to spill as i spoke. his face didnt move a fraction. he didnt even blink, just staring at me like he was deep in thought. this was old news for him and he probably could have beat me to it but atleast he was kind enough to let me say it. matt didnt even speak. he just kept staring at me as he brought a gantle hand up to the side of my face.
before i could even pull his hand off my face his lips were on mine. i didnt have the type of self control to pull away. i leaned into him, craving the closeness, luckily he got the hint and pulled me into his lap so i was straddling him and the kiss grew heavy, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth, his wandering hands grabbing and groping whatever skin he could. he moved his mouth off mine and began trailing wet kisses down my neck and jawline making my breath hitch and my eyes close.
he began sucking and biting the skin on the side of my neck making me while. my hands found home in his hair, tugging softly, earning a satisfied hum from matt before he spoke against me.
"lets just get back together mh?" i was so lost in the way his lips felt on my skin i didnt even register what he had said until a few seconds later. i immediately pulled his head away from me and stared at him with wide eyes.
"what?" surprise evident in the sound of my voice.
"i dont see what the problem is, we both still love each other and i hate seeing you go on dates with shitty guys so why not?" i couldnt even reply to him. i just stared at him with my wouth hung open. what the fuck.
"if you dont want to, ill stop, but if you do, just say the words and ill give you whatever you want." he sounded so sure.
"yes" that was all he needed before he smirked and brought his lips to mine again, kissing me, hot and heavy.
the kiss was sloppy and desperate, both of us urgent for a touch we craved so badly. he ground his hips up, pressing his hard on into my heat making me whine into his mouth. i felt him smile against my lips before he kissed down my chin and throat before licking a stripe up it, pulling a moan from me, causing my hips to stutter against his involuntarily.
make up sex is good for the soul.
pt 2 coming soon an it’s spicy 🤓
taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @soursturniolo @freshlovehacker @urmyslxt @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @chrisenthusiast @flowerxbunnie @mattsd0ll @itsjennarose @hearttshapedkisses @lovingsturniolo
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fictioonbanger · 9 months
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reader in denial a bit with bestie eren!
eren x black reader
sub eren hinted a bit, alcohol usage, rough sex, facd fucking, smut, profanity.
thinking about how you and eren fuck almost every night, and i mean every night when eren finally realizes you need him as much as he needs you. but you both dont have a title yet, now dont get eren wrong. he would love a title, he wants to call you his, and for you to do the same. you just don’t know how to take it, your bestfriend of childhood being your boyfriend. it was always what you wanted, but how would it seem to others around you both when you denied multiple times already. no one to blame but yourself for digging it deeper and now being a little werry of wanting to admit your feeling for eren.
eren doesnt let you both not having a title keep you away from each other. he loved you, that was a fact and obvious. on the other hand you might say no if someone were to ask if you and eren were dating. eren on the other hand tells the full honest truth.
“nah we not together, but she still mine as i am of hers.” eren spoke sipping his cup of alcohol at the bar him and his friends were at
“so she has you under a leash?” jean chuckled taking his last of alcohol fully and tilting his head back.
eren mean mugged him and spoke up glaring at his snarky comment. “no, she doesnt.. and if she did it wouldnt be too bad.” eren shrugged and his friends laughed he rolled his eyes and looked away. day dreaming about you and how he’d kill to be with you right now.
and thats exactly what he did, except of the killing part. he grabbed his keys off the stand and began getting off the stool. “where ya goin?” armin tilted his head to look at eren from over jean. “hes gonna see his little owner.” jean chuckled to himself at his own joke causing both them to roll their eyes. “its better than being with shitface over here.” eren stood and started to walk towards the door, jean scoffed rolling his eyes and ordering another drink.
you were in your room of your pretty decorated apartment, pink picture frames, gray marbled counters, stuffed animals on your couch and little lights everywhere was how you’d describe your apartment. eren, would say different “ ‘ts too pink, make my eyes hurt baby.” hed mock you and cover his eyes as you rolled yours, the “baby” word going completely over your head. it wasnt out of the blue for eren to call you petnames, i mean you’ve asked him before and all his response is. “what? you dont like them pretty?” of course you’re gonna say you do, thats how you felt and honestly hoped he didnt stop.
you were watching a movie on your laptop snacking on whatever was in the kitchen, getting distracted by a message at 11:12pm. you really knew who it was though, eren comes at this time. not everyday of course but only when hes been out or busy.
eren <3; im at the door ma
you; mhm here i come.
rolling out of bed and straddling through your living room and towards the front door you began unlocking it. finishing then opening the door to see erens slim figure in the doorway. he had already a cracked smile on his face, he couldnt wait to see you. its been awhile and it was his fault, he knew hed have to make up for it. he thought you’d greet him with a hug and a peck on the cheek, the usual. instead you stared at him for a bit before turning around and letting him. not saying a word eren sighed and closed the door locking it then began to walk behind you. he slid his hands on each side of ur waist and put his head on your shoulder from behind. “cmon y/n, im sorry you havent seen me in awhile..i havent been ghosting you honest.” he spoke softly in your ear, he sounded so sincere and pretty upset he hadnt seen you either. “been real busy..you know id rather be here.” he said as you stood in place as he rocked you both softly side to side as he held onto you.
“doesnt matter to me..not like we’re together right?” you looked away to the side, you knew your words were bad. and that they wouldnt effect eren, he listens to all your fits and upsets. doesnt bother him a bit, only about the situation that made you feel that way in the first place. other than that he knows how to get you out that state. “dont be so mean y/n.. you hurtin my feelings.” he said sarcastically removing away from you and fake grabbing his heart. “im serious eren-“ “how about we change that then?” you were shocked at his words, eyes widening and you quickly turning to look at him. “what?” you spoke softly eyes glistening a bit and gazed upon erens face. “can we please change it..” eren spoke up then got onto his knees infront of you, holding onto your legs with both hands. he put his face by your stomach and inhaled your scent he loved so much. “i really want you y/n.. want you to be mine.” he mumbled looking up at you. you were hot in the face, feeling your blood rise up to your cheeks. “i-i want you too ren..” you spoke softer, gazing down at how he held onto you.
and this just made eren so much bolder, your emotion changing quickly at how swift he moved to leaning over you. he held your waist again and peered into your orbs with his green ones, a snarky smile on his face. “you do?” he questioned tilting his head down at you reaching close to your face. your lips barely touching as you breathed in each others air. “badly.” you breathed out, thats all eren needed to hear before sweeping you off your feet. carrying you with both hands on your ass supporting your legs wrapped around him. walking you both towards your opened bedroom noses touching as eren goes in for a kiss. you took in his tongue and slipped past your own, moaning into it and squeezing around eren. he chuckled and laid you onto the bed, he was leaning over your body. humping his hard crotch into your clothed cunt in missionary. he groaned staring at just how your face looks when he makes you feel good.
eren didnt hold back the whole night, putting you in positions you didnt know you were capable of. he fucked you into a babbling mess under him. “ ‘s too much!! cant take i-it ren!” you squealed out as he pushed deeper hitting the spot he hit earlier making you yet orgasm again. your eyed rolled in the back of your head as you released onto him, cum dripping down and sliding his shaft wetting his balls. eren saw this and looked up to were your mouth was open. he smirked and quickly grabbed a fist full of your braids making you do a soft yelp that moved into a low moan. “how bout you clean your mess up hm?” with a handful he moved you up and towards his leaking dick with his precum standing pearly off the tip and your cum that covered it. you willingly took him fully into your mouth without another word, you let him into your throat and placed soft kisses on his tip. feeling your throat once eren couldnt get enough and forced your head onto him more, now guiding you. you loved when eren was like this, when he was in control. he liked when youd do it to, but pleasuring you more was his ideal choice. you licked him up and jerked him off while doing it making erens toes curl. he tried to move away at a point but was stopped by a hard hand on his thigh that kept him down. “m-m gonna fuckin cum..” he seethed out through his teeth as his hips started to move on his own fucking your face as you kinda took control. he was eager to nut and his hips had a mind of their own chasing his high. you took him fully one last time in your throat as erens hips buckled. he grabbed ahold of your head pushing it down one last time as he came into your mouth. moaning a loud mess and breathing ever so heavily, he caressed your cheek hand leaving your head, wiping away the tears that poured while he face fucked you.
“this means you’re mine now yeah?” eren thumb was still wiping under your eye, tilting his head he slowly moved it to your plumped lips parting them and making way for his thumb. you took it into your mouth and gave it a soft suck as you kissed it after
“mm yeah.” was your response, and it couldnt have made eren happier hearing this. causing you both to go into your 7th round? counting yes.
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sugarcoatedcigs · 3 months
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a mini series: enduring you pt.1
summary: your new to jackson, and your first interaction with ellie williams was anything but nice. she was rude and showed no respect. she carried herself like she was some hot shit and you hated it. if you could, you would turn back time and have shown up a little bit later to that party. but you can't. so you learn to endure her as life continues in jackson.
word count: 2k
warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, angst?
….
i took a deep breath in as i walked next to my horse into the protected town of jackson. the ground crunched beneath me, it was the last week of february and the town was frozen over. looking around, people were busy and they looked the most content i've seen since all this shit happened.
"you must be y/n." a voice tugged me in the direction of the stables. a beautiful woman stood there, with almost silver hair with sharp blue eyes. "my name's maria. i heard you were headed this way. charlie sent a letter you were coming. it's good to have you." i smiled at that.
"yeah, i'm really happy to finally be here. it was a trek. it's nice to know a name." i reached out my hand and smiled. her hands were soft but they had a firmness to them.
"why don't I show you around? let's get your horse a spot in the stables first." as maria helped unload my belongings off of my horse, she gave me a rundown of life here in jackson. the responsibilities and the duties that are done around here. maria took me through the town, and time passed quickly until the last stop was the apartment in which i would be staying.
"and here she is..." maria swung the door open it was furnished, and my bags were already placed in the middle of the living room. "i'll let you get settled in. there's a town party tonight at the bison at 8, no pressure but I'm sure people would love to meet you." she dug out of her back pocket and gave me the keys.
"thank you and yes i'll definitely stop by." she shut the door leaving me in my apartment alone. it was quaint. small. perfect. the air was heavy with almost a...nostalgia. there were plenty of windows giving me a perfect view of the mountains surrounding us. the sun was starting its descend into the horizon. better get started. i move my bags into my room, unpacked, dusted and managed to get two windows open to invite air in. by the time i was done, the space is mine and it's pleasant. only thing left to do is get ready i guess.
i grab a towel and head to the shower, turning the faucet on. the water wasn't just any water, it was hot. my body was eager and excited. hopping in, i was met with immediate relief. goddamn this feels great. i could've stayed a bit longer but i felt a certain obligation to save this precious water.
….
i dressed in a long sleeve that complimented my color palette and some dark jeans. ready to leave i looked into the mirror to make some final touches to my hair and applied a yummy mint and vanilla rub i made a few months ago. all ready. i put on my jacket and zipped up my boots, then i closed the door behind me.
the air was frigid, i felt my nose get numb and my eyes start to water. after a long and cold 2 minutes, the bison came into view and i could hear the bumping music and sounds of people talking as i approached. i got a sudden wave of excitement. as i wrapped my hand around one of the doors, they busted open. the edge of one of the doors hit the side of my face. "oh fuck!" i grabbed my cheek and i could feel the blood surge to the area.
"jesus. watch where you're going."  i looked up to see a woman with auburn hair and harrowing green eyes. her voice, blunt but sultry. the woman had a freckled face and a scarred eyebrow. what the fuck. you are the one that fucking rammed the door into my face. i opened my mouth to cuss her out but stopped, i dont want to get into a fight on my first night here. adjusting my posture and looking at her i said "excuse me." her face flickered, like she wasnt expecting my response, but she remained silent. i grabbed onto one of the handles again and started walking in but then i felt her grab my wrist, holding me back.
"shit I'm sorry." her voice, one that was originally cold, was now honey-like, "i didn't mean to." ignoring the ache in the side of my cheek, i looked back at her and gave a tight smile, "do you always grab people without asking?" she let go but not without a subtle scoff, "i was just trying to apologize." god it's aggravating that she's so hot and yet, she's the one that busted your face on your first night out. i laughed, "well you sure have an odd way of trying to." i briefly looked down at her pink lips, but maybe not brief enough...because she immediately wetted and then bit down on them. her eyebrows scrunched together and she retorted, "whatever, i was just trying to be nice but someone's clearly got a stick up her ass."
wow. this stranger (attractive or not) is an asshole. i bit down on my lips, stopping whatever bad decision i was going to make. i didn't want to spend another minute wasting my night so i swiftly turned to face the pub and mumbled, "fuck you" under my breath. the doors shut preventing her from getting another word in. i waited a sec, expecting her to burst through the doors and harass me some more, but she didn't. relieved (yet disappointed), i sighed.
despite the night starting out shitty, it developed into lots of fun and new people. i met a really nice girl named dina along with her boyfriend jesse. the two were hilarious and easy to get along with. i also saw maria and she introduced me to a few others, one of them being the manager of the bison and he said the team would be open to hooking me up with a waitress job here.
it's also been a few months since i got a drink in me so safe to say i was a little bit tipsy. nothing too serious but to make sure tomorrow morning wasn't murderous i figured i should get going and turn in for the night.
right before leaving, dina called out to me, "y/n! hey! before you leave i'll give you my info so we can plan something soon. i was thinking about a small get together tomorrow night at my place." dina wrote her address on a napkin along with the time of the party. then she embraced me in a tight hug before i left. with a little bit of liquor in me, the walk back was much warmer.
reaching my door, i fought the keyhole to get the key in. among opening, i immediately ripped off my boots and dressed down into my underwear, leaving a trail of clothes on the ground. i shivered as the frigid air enveloped me but warmth followed as i collapsed on the bed. i closed my eyes and drifted off.
.…
the sunshine was too bright. my eyes scrunched and i felt my head start to pound. no not yet. i tossed myself towards the other side of the bed. just a lil longer. but no. a loud banging on the wall started. what the fuck? then moaning followed.
"ohhhh yes! fuck ellie right there." a yappy voice echoed into the bedroom. you're fucking kidding me. "yes yes yes!" no, no, no. i shut my eyes and yanked my pillow around my head, suffocating the noise out. the moaning continued on for what seemed like forever until finally..."i'm cumming!" then the banging stopped. i whined into my pillow. why me? why me?
taking this as a sign to get up out of bed, i stretched out my limbs and groaned. my head was still pounding but it was manageable. okay things to do today...i'll get ready and then i'll stop by the bison to figure out the job stuff.
i walked into the kitchen hoping to soothe my headache with nice cold glass of water. the water here was better than i imagined, the cold liquid washed down yesterdays grogginess. my tummy grumbled and i realized i hadn't eaten much yesterday. upon opening the fridge, it was near empty, only a few potatoes i found on the way here with the scraps of some jerky. hmm, looks like groceries are on my list today. the bison, groceries and...dina. perfect.
i brushed my teeth and tied my hair back. along with wiggling myself into some jeans, putting on a warm jacket and wrapping a scarf around my neck. i opened my door, closed it and when locking it, the door next to me opened up. auburn hair came into view. the girl wore a jacket on top of her flannel, her hair was tied back into a half up and half down manner. she looked familiar...then i remembered the interaction i had last night. it's her. she's not only my neighbor, but her name must be ellie. her green eyes met mine. they were a gleaming green. then she smirked wide. "oh it's you." i felt blood fill my cheeks. i didn't respond. whatever. no wasting time. i locked up the door and turned away from her, as i walked away she opened her mouth to say something but stopped and watched me walk away.
....
the morning at the bison was quick and easy. everyone kept to themselves which i didn't mind because they were all kind enough. my schedule was working morning shift on saturday and working nights on wednesday and thursday. i left the bison still feeling energized so i made my way to jack who collected milk from goats and cows for the town, and kate, who organized most of the goods here in jackson. she had all sorts of goods, beans, coffee, oats, she tended to the lot of chickens so she also had a lot of eggs.
the sun was higher in the sky now. it was much warmer today compared to yesterday. i couldn't wait for spring to come. i was getting closer to my place with bags in hand, and i felt an ache in my stomach, dreading another possible interaction with ellie. i wonder how she came to be so rude...i wonder what she went through. i approached my door, holding my breath and waiting for the one next to it to open, but a few seconds passed and nothing. my stomach eases.
….
it was the afternoon now, out of boredom i wanted to take a walk. maybe i'll stop by dina's so i can confirm that tonight is still on. i left the apartment again. the walk was longer this time but i enjoyed it as the sun was still out, warm on my skin. i looked at the napkin that dina gave me again, to see if i was in the right spot. should be right. i went up to the house and knocked, no response so i knocked again. then the door opened and dina was there in all her glory. "y/n! i was waiting for you to come by." she grabbed me into a hug. "yeah i wanted to say hi and also see whats going on tonight." then out of the corner of my eye i can spot auburn hair. fuck. my stomach starts to twist. dina sees me look over at ellie and she perks up, "ellie don't be a stranger. this is y/n, the one we've been talking about."
pt. 2 coming soon…
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i absolutely loved the neighbor Simon thing you wrote and would love to see it continued, if you’re comfortable of course!
PS this is my first ask to anyone like ever so sorry if it’s weird or wrong
Thank you for my first ask! I'm honored to be your first ask as well!
Neighbors
Part 1 Part 2
Proofread by the lovely @crashtestbunny and @talooolaaloolla
Tw: female reader
A few minutes later, Ghost thought he must be in heaven. If he was dreaming before, then what was this? He didn't know how it happened. Maybe there was some exchange, a few pleasantries? He felt like his brain was utterly scrambled.
You were standing in his kitchen, if one could really even call it that. A stained sink, cracked countertops, and rotting cabinets, along with a gas stove/oven set that almost certainly violated local safety ordinances. Somehow, it seemed better and worse with you there. Better, because it seemed like everything would be infinitely better near you. Worse, because he wished he lived in a perfectly maintained mansion so you wouldn't mind visiting. Staying or a few minutes, a few hours, a few lifetimes.
"Need any help unpacking? Cleaning?"
Your sweet voice shook him from his reverie, brought him back to the situation at hand: You being angelic and him dumbly holding the container of cookies, staring.
"Ah-" He paused. If he said yes, would you think he was telling you he only wanted you as a hire-on maid? No, that was stupid. Neighbors were just friendly. Normal people were friendly. If he said yes, maybe you'd stick around. Maybe he could make you smile brighter. He didn't think he was very funny, but the lads did. Soap. You'd like Soap, he could tell. Maybe he could introduce you two? He didn't really have friends to tell you about. Not that you'd asked about them. Not that you would.
"That'd be nice." He finally responded tonelessly.
"Great! I have cleaning supplies in my flat, I can go get them-" You paused suddenly and Ghost panicked. Had you seen a gun? An assassin? Were you okay? Had he done something wrong?
"-Unless you have some?" You finished.
"...No." He immediately wanted to beat himself up. He was too abrupt, too rude. He should be soft for you, gentle.
And cleaning supplies! Bloody supplies. Of course he should have some. He hated when things were dirty. Wasnt his barrack always spotless? But he hadnt been planning to be here much. Although, now that you were here, maybe he would take a little bit more leave.
Cleaning supplies. He didnt want to inconvinience you, he should have his own. He could go buy some tonight, maybe? Or this afternoon. Or right now. Or-
"I'll go get mine, then. That works better, even. I have very specific taste in scrubbing utensils." You winked at him, then, playfully, and there was laughter hidden just below the surface of your voice.
He could die a happy man right then and there. The wink was so familiar. So happy. He didn't deserve this, it should be ripped away from him. Except- except. Except he had to go buy cleaning products that matched yours so that he could have backups if you ran out. Except he needed to know your favorite color so he would know what new pair of bedsheets to buy. Except he needed to know your favorite food so that he could cook for you, maybe. Except he needed to know your favorite flower so he could give you some.
"Alrigh'" Was his only response. You smiled at him one last time before leaving the room, walking towards the door. He wanted to scream, cry, beg you to please never leave him, never turn your back to him. But you were just leaving to have a reason to come back. You'd be back.
You had to be.
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tillthelandslide · 11 months
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I really need to see Matty looking after Lou after she got the tattoo, maybe he helps with the aftercare, wrapping it etc... And how he can't stop looking at it and smiling
A/n: omg thank you for this, I love this and I thank you for sending this in... I wanna do more little blurbs like this about the ia series... I added a little reaction into this too. Don't know if this is what you wanted but.... Hope you like it?
Matty insists going to the tattoo studio with her but she's just as stubborn as him, telling him she wants to go alone, so he allows her, although he's pouting about it as she leaves him. She gets the tattoo done, in the same place as Matty's but on the other arm, opposite his. She returns to their hotel after that and Matty is a bit annoyed that he doesn't know she's back, only finding out when he stubbles across her in their living area of their room, the whole band crowded around her, looking at the tattoo beneath the wrap.
"How comes I'm the last to see" Matty pouts, trying to push his way through the group to find her.
His eyes land on her arm, smiling widely at the tattoo but more so at the positioning of it. His hand gently takes her arm in his, taking a closer look at it.
"Love" he says, smiling at her.
"Like it?" The question seems ridiculous because it's basically the same as all of their tattoos, but it means so much more than that.
"Love it" he says, standing to the left of her and taking her hand in his, smiling at the way their tattoos touch, she winces slightly at the pain but then smiles, nodding at him, letting him know that's exactly the reason she got it there.
Everyone smiles at them and two hours later, when she takes the wrap off, they all take a picture of their tattoos together, some standing a bit awkwardly (Ross for example) to get theirs in frame. After an awkward amount of shuffling about, they finally find a way that shows all of them and Jamie takes a picture, sending it to their group chat.
Matty's is then tugging Lou off somewhere, insisting that he helps clean, moisturise and then re-wrap it. He gently pushes Lou until she's resting in a comfortable position next to the sink, resting her bottom on the edge of the bath tub, draping her arm over the basin and washing the tattoo with warm water and suds.
"Doesnt hurt does it? Not too hot? Not too cold?" He asks all at once making her chuckle.
"No Matty I'm fine" she says and he still looks worried.
"You're sure?" She nods, leaning up to kiss him gently.
He gently dries it before leaning down to place a soft kiss against the skin, before reaching for the moisturiser the tattoo artist gave her, applying a small amount and gently massaging it in. For some reason he softly blows against the skin, maybe thinking it would help it dry quicker.
He comes to sit next to her, the bath tub digging slightly into his bum, making him realise maybe this wasnt the most comfortable place to sit. He rests his arm against hers, their tattoos adjacent to one another. The smile on his face is addictive and makes one of similar calibre rest against her own mouth.
His eyes keep flicking between his and hers, smiling at how identical they were. He slowly lifts her arm closer to his eyes again, impressed with the fine line artwork.
"How did you get it to be identical to mine?" He asks, completely in awe, with the fact she wanted it to be the same as his and the fact she finally has it, officially a part of the band.
"Sent them a picture of yours... Quite a few actually" she chuckles, he looks at her in shock, before a cheeky smile rises to his face.
"And how did you get those aye?" He asks.
"I have my ways" she lifts his own arm to her mouth now, kissing his tattoo this time.
"Cheeky" he says but his ego has inflated way too much to say anything else, he just smirks to himself. He knows what he means to her now, it was obvious.
He gently taps the tattoo, feeling that the moisturiser had sunk it a good amount, apologising when she lightly winces.
"Okay love, hold your arm out" he says and she does as he says, allowing him to wrap the tattoo, gently securing it with tape, smiling all the while down at it
"Beautiful" he says and they walk hand in hand back to the room to join the boys. Tattoos resting against each other, box against box.
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Hello! This is my first ever fanfic that i have written, so it might be kind of bad, but please bear with me. I hope you enjoy it :)
WINE AND WOES
Warnings: spoilers of The Battle of the Labyrinth and The Last Olympian
CHAPTER 1
NIGHTMARES
Pollux
I cant breathe. My throat feels like its constricting. I feel like im being strangled. Theres hands on my neck, his hands. Help. Help. Help-
I jolt awake, breathing heavily. The room is quiet, the only sound being my heavy, laboured breaths. I sit up slowly, my lungs feeling like their burning, my eyes stinging. I look around my dorm. I moved to Camp Jupiter a while after the battle with Gaia to go New Rome University to study botany.
I try to regulate my breathing, but its hard, especially when thoughts of him plague me almost every night. My throat constricts. Its been years since he died, and yet, everytime i think of him, my heart feels as if theres a hole in its place. A gaping hole, full of nothing but grief, regret, and guilt. I couldve saved him, i shouldve saved him. I shouldve been there. It should've been me and not him. Tears sting my eyes and threaten to fall as i try desperately not to remember his face. But that proves to be extremely difficult when his face is the same as mine
Its your fault
Its not my fault i try to convince myself, albeit however much it sounds like a lie
Is that the delusion you live under?
Please. Please, leave me alone, as if im not haunted enough
You deserve it. You deserve this pain.
The tears begin to slowly roll down my cheeks and i can do nothing to stop them. My breath hitches and i sob. He haunts my nightmares, he haunts me and won't leave me alone. I can never escape him, no matter how hard i try. He looks like me. Everytime i look in the mirror, i see him. His lifeless face. The face that couldve-- shouldve-- been full of life and light. A face that shouldve been smiling and grinning. The face of the boy who i grew up with. My brother, my twin, my other half.
Castor
I choke at the memory of his name. I try to get out of bed and move. I dont know where im going, i dont know what im doing. My legs wobble and i fall to the floor on my knees, my vision blurring momentarily. His face flashes behind my eyes. His lifeless face as his body went limp on the floor after he got stabbed and then hit on the head by an enemy. I couldnt help him. My arm was broken, and all i could do was lay there, staring at my brother, bleeding to his death, as he smiled at me one last time and did the little salute we always did ever since we were kids in a way of saying 'see ya later, loser' before his eyes glazed over.
I fall to my side and wrap my arms around myself, hugging myself as my body trembles. I was in denial, the whole way when another demigod helped me get to the healing camp, i was in denial. Pretending he wasnt dead, hoping so desperately that this was all just a dream, that he'd come back to me, that id wake up in my cabin and id see him laying on the bed next to mine.
I remember when his shroud burned. Purple and violet flowers, violet like his eyes, and the symbol of our father, Dionysus. I had stared, tears streaming down my face. Not bawling, not sobbing, just silently having a war with myself, and others must have seen it too. Will came to me afterwards, asking if i was okay, i hadnt answered him, he left after that. I wanted to cry, i wanted to sob and be angry, but i couldn't. I didnt know what was wrong with me, i hated myself for it.
I had gone back to my cabin. And then i had sobbed and bawled and cried till i had blacked out. I had skipped meals, and shut myself out. I thought itd get better with time. It did not. Even a snippet of our memories together makes me weak and vulnerable and want to cry.
Memories of our childhood flash behind my eyes. Two small boys, playing in the strawberry fields of Camp Half-Blood, eating strawberries, laughing and running around, their faces full of light and happiness, the sun gleaming in their golden blond hair, the light shining in their violet eyes, making them look like pieces cut from the purest of amethysts.
Two boys, arguing over what their secret handshake should be, and then eventually deciding on a two fingered salute. Stealing eachother's toys, clothes, and food, telling the worst jokes to each other but cracking up anyway, pretending to be each other and imitating personalities. Goofing around all day, pretending the world wasnt all that bad, as long as they had eachother. I used to always look for him when i woke up, checking the bed next to me to see if he was there.
And then the battle with Kronos had happened, and then one of them was gone. Now i dont even have to look at the bed next to mine when i visit Camp Half-Blood to know hes not there
My eyes land on the vertical upright mirror. I see a boy staring back at me, his face tear-streaked and his blond hair matted to his forehead, his chest moving up and down with his laboured breaths. Its him. Its me. And its all i have left.
Being alone had never bothered me. Castor didnt stay with me all the time, sometimes he left to train, or go talk with some other campers, or just going about his day in general. We were the only Dionysus kids, so we didnt really have any other siblings, so i was alone a lot. Being alone never bothered me, but being alone has never felt this lonely.
I shut my eyes, letting the sting subside. I sigh and open them again.
Im sorry
You should be
I close my eyes again and imagine him here.
I know. I am. Im sorry. I wish i could bring you back, but even if i could, i would never bring you back to this hell. All i hope for is that you can forgive me, and that you wait for me in the Elysium. We'll meet again, Cas. One day. One day, ill see you again. But till then, all i have are my wine and woes
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kindnessisweakness2 · 10 months
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Delusional - Part 23
Jax's heart dropped when he heard his voice. He stood silently in his kitchen, Alex's Back to him. Just the sight of him stood in their home made Anger rise and burn in his chest. "The longer you hold this fucking gun to my head, really makes me think you dont have the balls to actually kill me. What are you waiting for Alex? All the dramatics, all the times you've told me you were gonna end my life and you cant actually do it?" Delaney's laugh echoed through the empty living room. Jax silently thanked a God he didnt believe in that she was alive. A mad man having a gun to her head wasnt ideal but her heart was beating and for that Jax was thankful. "Im taking my time. Enjoying our last moments together. Isnt it mad how far we've come love? High school sweethearts, Moving across the world together, a baby..." Delaney cut Alex's trip down memory lane short. "Do not speak about my child." Alex's grin spread wide at the pain in her voice. "Oh thats right, not my baby. A product of your sordid little affair with HIM." It was Delaney's turn to grin this time. "Did you ever think i would be stupid enough to let you get me pregnant? You dont deserve to be a dad Alex. Jax? He'll be an amazing dad one day." Jax's heart throbbed in his chest as he listened to Alex Taunt her. "Yes, with some other whore just as desperate as you to jump into his bed. You will be long gone by then. A distant memory." Jax felt sick as he heard him talk so candidly about her death. He wouldnt cope without Delaney in his life. Losing her would be the thing that tipped him over the edge. He would self destruct.
Shooting his mom a short text, Jax cocked his gun and stepped into the living room. Keeping the gun aimed at the assholes head he moved into a position where he could see Delaney too. "Oh Loverboy has arrived. Good. Lets get this party started." Alex looked at Jax, Gun still pointed firmly at Delaney on her knees. Her eyes widened at the sight of Jax. She didnt want him in the middle. She didnt want him to have to watch her die. Not only her but their future, their baby. Jax took in the sight of her. Face quickly bruising, blood dripping from her cheek where she was clearly punched. He was going to kill Alex. Make him fucking pay for everything he had done to his girl. The stalking. The attack. The baby. The abuse. Fuck he was gonna pay for it all. "Take the fucking gun away from her head." His tone was low, the look on his face serious. "You shoot me im gonna shoot her. Its a lose lose situation buddy." Alex spoke not taking his eyes from Jax, and it made Delaney feel sick. "You are one delusional prick if you think your walking out that door. I dont need a gun to kill you." Jax took a step forward with all the confidence in the world, throwing his gun to the side. Any other situation, Delaney would've found confident cocky Jax insanely attractive. All she could feel in that moment was fear for her fiance. Gasps left her mouth as Alex turned the gun on Jax. "Your willing to die for her? Thats sad man. You could have anyone but you just had to have her. She's MINE!" Jax shrugged and smirked at Delaney. "What can i say? Im a sucker for a pretty face." Delaney couldnt believe him. Even in a life/death situation he was a fucking flirt.
Alex Looked at where Delaney still kneeled on the floor. "Its you or him. You letting him die for a worthless piece of shit like you?" Without Missing a beat Delaney stood from the floor, "Me". He turned the gun on her, smirking. He knew she would offer herself. So predictable. Turning away from Alex slightly, Delaney smiled at Jax through tears."I love you." She was going to die. He was never going to stop. Her dead meant Jax was safe. Their family was safe.
And without missing a beat. Without over thinking it, Delaney grabbed the gun. One hand on the barrell and one hand on his wrist, fingers digging in the pressure points.
*BANG*
*BANG*
*BANG*
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thai-with-booty · 1 year
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What was your first experience like with a Black (Afrikan) Man?
I had been with black guys when working in the bar, most customers were white Europeans, north Americans and Australians but there were all sorts of races and nationalities, so the longer you worked there the more chance u had experienced many. There was a bit of a thing where some girls didnt like certain men, but thats a whole other discussion.
I guess to answer your question more directly as being with a black guy from an African country, I remember it quite well as I had a friend when living in Bangkok who was dating a black guy and was kinda into them, they broke up but she knew what she liked and there was a bar near Nana plaza in Bangkok, and although anyone could go in, it was known as a black guy bar, well more it was mostly black men and women, with a few Thai women and occasionally a few white guys and girls but very predominantly black. They were mostly people who worked here too. Me and my friend almost immediately got swooped upon, she has a figure like mine so seemed to be popular. It was like any other evening, you dance, have drinks, talk etc. My friend says she will go home with the guy shes talking to, she left me there as I said id be ok to get home. I remember thinking it was early so I already decided in my head I could have a little fun, so I went with the guy I was with all evening, he gave the name John and had a strong accent and said he was Nigerian. He said I could come his apartment but that he shared it with many others so being in that area we could get a short time hotel room. I kinda liked that it wasnt bullshit, he was going with me cos he wanted sex, no pretence of going somewhere quieter lol. I remember the look of the girl at reception as we paid for the room, but i have been used to those looks before and I love it. In the room he informs me he doesnt do oral sex but that I should do for him, this sort of thing again didnt bother me, I was with plenty of men as a bar girl where I would have to do the work. But wow, John had a lovely big cock, thicc, and I remember the balls, like two tennis balls. The thing I remember most about sex with him was those big balls slapping against me, the noise I remember like it was yesterday. The sex was usual which is good but I have a lot of sex. He lasted a good time where I was enjoy and came easily with him, he finished while wearing a condom inside of me. Pulled out and threw it in the trash. Polite man, big cock, strong body and good sex, my first experience with a black African man was good and so it wasnt my last lol
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tragedyslayer · 1 year
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Neteyam x female reader! Part 1
In a universe where Spider has an older sister who happens to be on the wrong side.
Neteyam x female reader
Part 2
Characters are both 18
Warning I will use as vague descriptions as I can, however I expect throughout this fic there will be some specific mentions of hair length, body type, height, etc.
I'm new to writing fanfiction so I hope I don't write this horribly. Spider having a sister completely throws off the original plot of the movie so FYI I intend on straying pretty far from the movie as far as the story line goes. If anyone has recommendations for things to include in this fic I would absolutely love to hear them. This will be a slowwwww burn, or at least thats how i'm planning it. I hope at least one person can enjoy this lol, so enjoy!
It was time, The day I would return to the planet I was born on. The day I would return to my brother, my father, my planet. Only it was not a day to celebrate, because I was only returning to destroy it all. 
The inside of my cheek was raw, all I could do was gnaw on my own flesh as I waited for my father to be reborn into his new body. I wish I could say I missed him, but it was quite the opposite. He was the last person in the galaxy I wished would have the opportunity to live twice. He died when I was young, I grew into my own without his help. It was a weird feeling to suddenly have a father again. I wanted something to go wrong, maybe who he was before would be lost and he could start fresh. Perhaps our ship would depressurize and we would all die instantly, unfortunately all the hoping and wishing in the world could not prevent the inevitable.
I raised my head at the commotion taking place in the room behind me. He was awake, freaking out at the sudden transition from not existing in any form to now being an avatar. I sighed, glancing backwards, and sure enough, it was my father.
Two days had gone by since we landed back on Pandora, my father was spending his time catching up on everything he had missed over the past 15 years. While I spent my time doing less productive things. My entire life I was trained to be a soldier, to follow in my fathers footsteps. Though I always felt like I was fighting a war that wasn't mine.
 I was fortunate enough to also receive my very own avatar, however I wasnt willing to commit suicide in order to be Na’vi permanently. Besides, I always believed that it isn't right to claim a race that isnt my own. The Na’vi people were spiritual, sacred. I may not be able to stop the human race from colonizing their culture, but I could at least not take part. Well not any more than I was forced to.
My thoughts were cut short by a commanding voice through my door.
“Soldier, it's time.” I thought it was funny that my father refused to call me anything but soldier since he's been back. I suppose he missed out on too much to still recognize me as his little girl. I didn't feel a need to respond as I got off my bed, if you could even call it that, opening the door. “Yes sir”
I followed my dad and his team through the forest of Pandora. I had been in my avatar before, countless times actually. It was good for me to train in the same body as the enemy, so I could have even a chance to best them. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the feeling of being Na’vi in the thick of Pandora. In my avatar from all my senses were heightened, and all my physical abilities were multiplied, but getting to use this body in the environment it was originally adapted for is like nothing else I've ever experienced. 
I watched from a distance as my squad poked and prodded at my dads final resting place. Funnily enough I remember coming here as a kid, Grace and Jake, I was so young. Now I was meant to kill my childhood companions on sight if given the opportunity. I truly can't understand my dads thirst for murdering Jake Sully and everything he loves. You would think he'd learn to let things go after two decades, but I never knew him to be the forgiving type.
A twig snapped. It was far, but not out of reach for my heightened blue ears. Something about the sound forbade me to let it go. It was so slight and quick that it could have been a hundred different things. Though my heart was telling me something far different.
While the rest of my squad was still distracted, and my father was still caught up examining his own corpse I slipped through the tree line. I was thankful for my experience with the avatar, navigating quickly, and silently through the foliage was much easier for me than any of the other avatars team human still had.
I stopped as soon as I saw them. It was a group of kids, besides one that seemed to be closer to my age, and a human boy. My throat dried as I watched them. My baby brother, it had to be him. “Miles” I whispered to myself. Next my eyes focused on a toddler she looked to be no more than 7. These kids had no idea what the hell they were getting themselves into. How naive could they be, a pit in my stomach grew at the thought of my father finding them.
The anxiety I felt for my brother and his friends swelled in my chest as I looked back over to the abandoned shuttle to see if anyone had noticed my disappearance. I let out a shaky breath in relief seeing that none of their positions had changed. I turned my head towards the Na’vi children, seeing that the eldest had disappeared from the group. My ears lifted as I raised my guard. It could have been in my head, but I didn't feel unseen anymore.
“Take the bow off your back and throw it to the ground.”
My head shot in the direction of the voice. It was the older Na’vi boy. I almost wanted to smile, no one has ever been able to sneak up on me before. These warriors were nothing like American soldiers, the reality of that has only just set in. I raised my hands in submission looking the man in the eyes. I examined his body, he was holding a knife out to me but he wasn't in striking distance. 
“I don't want to hurt anybody.”
 I admitted reaching for the bow on my back. The boy narrowed his eyes at me, obviously not having it. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment, realizing that no one in their right mind would want to hear out a human.
 “Listen, if I wanted to I could draw an arrow before you would even realize I'm doing it, but I'm not.”
 I whispered slowly, taking the bow off my back. My reasoning only seemed to agitate the boy as he gripped his knife harder. I internally scolded myself for not being better with words, even when pleading for my life I seemed arrogant. 
Both of our attention was drawn away from the stand off at hand. My squad was currently capturing my brother's friends. The boy took no time to dart towards their direction, I grabbed him by the arm, pushing him behind a tree out of any wandering eye's line of sight. He glared at me, opening his mouth in protest and confusion. I muffled him with the palm of my hand, looking into his eyes. I gave him a pleading look, wordlessly begging him to trust me a second longer. His hard gaze softened and for a moment I felt a mutual understanding with him.
“I can help you”
 My voice was almost silent as I pulled my hand down from his mouth. I glanced over his shoulder to find my squad walking the Na’vi group towards the abandoned ruins. 
“Follow me”
 I picked up my bow off the ground and dashed toward the two groups. My stride came to an abrupt stop as my arm was tugged. I glared at the culprit, 
“what the hell are you-” 
“Listen”
The boy cut me off and I closed my mouth. I heard bird-like sounds in the distance, they were almost indistinguishable to the natural noises of the forest. I doubt I would have noticed them if they had not been pointed out.
I gave the boy a questioning look, hoping for some kind of explanation.
“We have to go”
He urged, turning to the other direction. I was still confused, and wanted to ask this boy a million questions, but I settled on following him blindly. Some feeling deep in my gut possessed me to stay close behind him. It may have gone against all the training I've ever done, but I trusted this Na’vi boy more than I trusted my father. I turned my head backward as we fled, wanting another look at both my father and brother together. I heard the whistle of an arrow cut through the air before it shot a man from my squad in the heart. The precision and distance was bone chilling, I was thankful the boy allowed me to come with him or else I could have suffered a similar fate.
After a short while of running through the forest we came to a clearing and he slowed, I stopped behind him. I took a moment to take in our surroundings. The forest canopy opened above us allowing gabs of sunlight through the clearing. I had never seen anything so breathtaking. Everything was so still, but I could feel the surge of life all around me. I looked back to the boy who was already staring back at me. 
“Why did you save me”
I questioned, If I was in his position I can't say I would have done the same. 
“You said you would help.”
I pressed my lips together, sliding my bow behind my back. 
“I meant I would help you and your friends not get killed, but it seems you didn't need my help.”
The boy shook his head, taking a step closer to me. He had a confident presence, but it didn't feel threatening.
“We do need your help.”
My face contorted in skepticism. Why would he want my help, why would he trust me so easily. Everything about the situation I found myself in was hard to wrap my head around.
“How could I possibly help you?”
He took in a frustrated breath, running his hand over his braided hair.
“You're a sky person mm? But you offered to help me. To help us. You aren't like them.”
I shook my head,
“You shouldn't assume things”
He continued,”I am not assuming. I know.” 
I mumbled in response “Skxawng (stupid)” 
His eyebrows raised in surprise after hearing a foreigner speak his native tongue. I didn't know what to do, it was unrealistic for me to agree to help him, before long they would figure out where I was and who I was with. It would be Jake Sully's betrayal all over again. And yet I found myself wanting to agree.
I gasped looking back from the direction we came from. 
“Miles” I whispered looking back to the Na’vi man, continuing before he could question what I was saying.
“The boy, the human boy. Who is he?” 
I urged, to think he had been here all this time. Living amongst the enemy, all he knew was this foreign world.
“Spider? He's our friend, our brother.”
I shook my head, impatiently continuing my interrogation. 
“But where did he come from?”
The boy looked at me with furrowed brows, making a shrugging gesture as he spoke,
“He is the old military commander's son, when he died Spider had nowhere else to go.”
I covered my mouth in shock. I was so sure it was him but hearing it confirmed, it made it so real.I really saw my brother, and he really lived a happy life here on Pandora. He really had a family, and I really wasn't a part of it.
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whoreanghae · 2 years
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surprise ; wen junhui 
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genre - established relationship, reunited, fluff
wordcount - 0.7k
disclaimers - lowercase on purpose, no proofreading, fic under the cut
a/n - just a short and sweet one! wanted to write something so this little jun piece will do <3 the svt cb is SO CLOSE im so excited
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you stood in your kitchen, phone on the counter as you stirred a pot of noodles while you watched vegetables fry in a pan on the stove. you hadn’t been used to cooking for one since you started living with jun, but with him being away in china, youve learned to adapt. that being said, the leftovers in the fridge were starting to take up more room than expected. with light music playing in the background, your apartment was peaceful. as you put the cover on the pot you had been stirring, your phone started ringing. “incoming call from jun<3”.
“hey love! how was your day?” you said as you answered his call and put the phone on speaker. “hi darling,” you smiled. juns voice was enough to make a day better. “mine was okay, lots of work but im free now. how was yours?” you sighed. “very long, i miss you.” jun frowned at the fact that he wasnt able to spend time with you on days like these while hes away. 
any other time, you would have taken the time off and gone to china with him, but your work was busier than usual at the time and your boss needed you to work. you felt horrible, but jun was understanding as always. both of you had busy jobs, and had learned to be patient with each other along the way. since jun wasn’t due home for another month and a half, daily phone calls were the next best things. you would stay up as late as you had to just to hear his voice on the other side of the line. 
“im sorry, i wish i could be there with you.” jun felt horrible. he knew you had other friends you could visit if you were lonely, or even his own members, but he always felt that he should be the one person there for you on the days when life is harder. you constantly reassured him. “jun, its okay, really. dont apologize for being away working.” you forced a smile. jun was one of the most caring people you knew. from the moment you met him, he immediately lit up every room he entered and filled your heart with a warmth that no one else could ever match. you adored him, and told him so at every chance you got. 
jun spoke again after a moment of silence. “hopefully the time will go by fast. ill be home with you in no time.” he always tried to be optimistic. seeing the light in any situation. he was your happiness, and little did you know you were his, too. 
“i hope so-” you began to speak, but you were cut off by the sound of your doorbell ringing. confused, you glanced towards the door. were you expecting anything? nobody had told you they were coming over. you asked jun to hold on for a second as you walked to the door, brows furrowed. you unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door, only to be met with the last person you had expected to show up on your doorstep.
“oh my god, jun??” you laughed in surprise as you practically jumped into his arms. jun smiled as he wrapped his arms around you as tight as he could, never wanting to let go. you took your face out of his shoulder in order to give him a kiss, and he couldnt stop smiling even as you kissed him. pulling away, you grinned as you looked into his eyes. “what are you doing back so early?” he was in a trance staring at you, and without saying anything he leaned in and pecked your lips once more. “we finished filming earlier than we expected, and the producers let me come home early.” 
at this point you were smiling ear to ear, and you buried your face into his neck. after what felt like forever, jun loosened his grip on your waist as you backed up and he shut the door behind him. “come on, i made your favourite!” you grabbed juns hand and dragged him to the kitchen as he kicked his shoes behind him. he watched everything you did with infatuation in his eyes. he couldve easily told you he was coming home early, but seeing the joy in your face as you opened the door was way more worth it in his opinion.
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pbandjesse · 3 months
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I really thought I was doing better but I feel so bad right now. I might have pushed myself just a little bit to hard. But I wanted to accomplish as much as possible for our move. And right now I am laying in our bed in our new house. And even though I feel very bad it is emotionally a really amazing feeling.
I wrote my post really early last night. Like I am now. Because I desperately wanted to rest. But I wouldn't actually fall asleep for a long long time. I tried taking a hot bath but it didn't make me feel much better. I was going through it.
When I woke up this morning I was hurting really bad. I woke up around 7 with a weak cough and so much fatigue.
James was already packing up the car. The plan was for me to take the Subaru and then James would bike to get the uhaul. I would take a while to get up. But I was doing okay this morning. Like I didn't feel amazing but I was doing okay enough.
And we got a ton done. Despite my weakness.
When I got to the house I had to park on the opposite side because of street sweeping. They do it 4 days of the week on this block because it's a cross street to two one ways I guess. But I had much to carry so I was a little worried.
I ended up only being able to carry half of the stuff over. With the last box I grabbed I almost threw up. It was scary. I was not feeling good at all.
But I tried to hold it together. And I unpacked the food for the fridge and freezer and put some stuff away. And soon enough James was coming with the uhaul and our bed.
They didn't just bring the bed though. They also brought all their drawers from their dresser. And a few odds and ends. I had them park in the back of the house which is convenient but also there is a grassy area that is basically a dog poop mine feild. Thankfully we scoped them out and did not track dog poop in our new house.
We had a pretty good system going. And once all the pieces of the bed were in I worked on putting that together while James got the last few things from the car that I couldn't pick up.
I would get a little frustrated with part of the bed and then James trying to tell me what to do. But we got the bed together and it actually is smaller then the tape measurements I put down so we have a couple extra inches at the end. I'm very pleased.
We would wait to put the bed down until we got the vacuum and James would do that later on. In the mean time we would head back to the apartment to pack clothes. I also just cleared off my one studio shelf but I was not able to help James so we had to leave them for now. With almost all of James's friends moved away or working on Mondays, we might have to just hire a mover or two. We will see what the next week brings.
I left to go back to the house while James kept moving things. Sweetp was incredibly stressed and would throw up. Which made me feel so bad. James would make sure he was settled before they headed back to me.
Once I got everything out of the car I had to sit down. I was not doing good. I was nauseous and dizzy and weak. Wheezing. I thought maybe eating would help and we had once last Mac and cheese cup in the fridge. I would microwave that while I put the clothes we brought over away.
I sat in the living room and felt freezing all of a sudden. I got a blanket and that helped but I was just doing really bad. When James got back I could barely help at all. One of the bookshelves they brought broke apart into all of its original pieces. I wasnt able to even direct where things were going to go I was doing so bad.
Dad called me and we talked for a few minutes. He teased me about not finishing his pants yet but I promise I will. I just haven't been here and with moving. But that made me want to make sure I get my sewing table set up and ready today.
So once I had a little energy that's what I focused on. James would put the mattress in. And we made the bed once we remembered where we stored the sheets. I would also put all of our bathroom products in their new spots. The space is really coming together.
James would go return the uhaul. And that gave me an hour alone.
While they were gone I worked on the studio. And got things put more where I had imagined them. I had to take a lot of water breaks. But I made progress. And when James got back at 230 I was ready to go to my rhumatologist appointment.
Sometimes when I go to my appointment it takes 15 minutes. Sometimes it takes almost an hour and a half. Today was an hour and a half kind of day.
Firstly I signed in on the wrong sheet. But it all worked out. They were really excited to hear about me and James moving into a new house. And wanted to know the whole story. I wasn't feeling amazing but I tried to put on a happy face and keep it together.
Swallowing became really tough and very very uncomfortable. I would smile through it best I could but I know I was grimacing something fierce.
The phlebotomist also is in the process of buying a house and it was fun to commiserate with her. She also loves the habit for humanity stores. Amazing.
Blood work went well. Injections went well. The sun always beats on that side of the building so we had to move me around to get out of the sun so he could see where my veins were. The last thing I need is this medication blowing out my vein.
But Sincere, the name of the medical assistant who does my injections, did a very good job this time and we talked about tattoos and he is very nice. And while the whole appointment took almost an hour and a half it wasn't unpleasant.
James had waited for me in the car. They got me a donut and a little cheesecake for later. Love them so much.
My spirits were higher but I felt very bad still. It was time to go get Sweetp. And I was nervous. But ready.
First thing I did was shove him in his box. He was not happy with me and it was very unpleasant. But I got him in so we could go pack more stuff in the car and bring him down last.
And that worked out well. I got a lot of stuff in totesbags again and James got all my little suitcases. They would come back for their plants later. But for now we had to get the crying kitty to our new home.
It was not a bad drive and as soon as we got in I brought sweept upstairs to our room and closed the door. Let him get used to this room first. And I think that was a good plan. James brought in everything else. I tried to just take a breather.
But eventually once everything was in I let Sweetp out to explore. I am not positive he has found the litter box yet. Despite me trying to show it to him. But he seems intrigued by the whole space. It's funny to see him go down the stairs.
James went back to the apartment. To get their plants and a few other things. They would also get us pizza. And while they were gone I put all my suitcases away and worked on my sticker drawing for the day.
I started not feeling great. Really bad actually. I was coughing so hard I was gagging and wheezing. I would put on a sweatshirt and lay down and that's where I am now. James should be home soon with dinner. And I hope our first night in our new home is great.
Tomorrow, if I'm not absolutely dying, I will be going back to work. I'm really excited about that. I miss everyone.
I hope you all have a great night tonight. I love you all. Goodnight!!
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kath-artic · 4 months
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more weird dreams
it's starting to fade now because i've waited too long to start writing it down, but i do remember some vague fragments. there was some scene at the beginning where i was being made to get into bed with a much older man and his wife but i was also disguised as his wife i think? but he kept touching me and i could tell he was naked under the covers and the other woman in the bed was gonna get up to go to the bathroom and leave us alone and i begged her to let me go with her and spent the whole night in the hallways outside the bathroom (also worth mentioning the bedroom was my parents room in my childhood home and the bathroom was placed in the exact way it was in my childhood home)
and then i was wandering in the snow down empty new jersey highways i've been lost on in other dreams (the port city i often dream about also made an appearance but i cant remember the context) and came to my high school except it looked different. i dont remember how he got there, but i wound up running into my first ex (the one who assaulted me) and he was the version of him i knew before we dated. he was funny and charming and after everything that had happened in the last part of the dream, i needed that comfort. he was so kind to me this time and i remember us walking outside together and him packing a snowball to throw at me and i stopped short and said "my mom cant see us together" because i knew her car was parked nearby and she was waiting to pick me up. he asked why not and i couldnt bring myself to say "because she knows you raped me" because i was so afraid of breaking the illusion that he was a good person.
then there was a third chapter where i was staying w my friend who i stay w a lot in real life except she lived in a big modern house instead of a college dorm and the whole front face of the house was windows and i was playing a lot of bg3 and looking out at the snow unsure of where anyone was. and her and her roommates kept phasing in and out and they were getting ready for some dress up event and i was just gonna be alone in the house and i started flashing through to another dream where i was in canada w my grandparents staying in a big treehouse in the woods and exploring a nearby swamp (neither of which exist on their property in real life lol) and i knew there were faries out there. i flashed back into the house dream and i had to pack to go home but as i started packing it quickly became my childhood bedroom and i was packing up my toys and i look outside into the snow and feel so so alone.
the whole dream felt so lonely and empty. like everybody was getting blown away with the snow. something in there about tainted memories. and the part with my ex is so particularly strange because i was trying to find him the other day to see if he's still alive and okay. despite everything he ever did ive always found it hard to think of him as a bad person and some part of me will always care about him because he used to be such a dear friend of mine. and even though i know i shouldnt i can sometimes justify what he did to me, i just know i probably wasnt the only one
i think the thing that really gets me is that i ran to him after my friend who was like a brother to me passed away from an overdose because i never got to articulate how much i loved him and i needed to give that love to somebody. and then he developed a drug problem. and its like he did so many horrible things to me but some part of me still wants to save him. weird.
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polyamorouspunk · 9 months
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… relationship advice cause brain is scrambled please? 🥺👉👈 Even if your followers wanna chime in thats fine too cause I just need an outside view to be honest. Warning long post.
So theres this guy I’ve been friends with since our freshman year of college (2018), lets call him T. We’ve gotten a lot closer over the last few years and I consider him one of my best friends and vice versa. And a few years ago there was some flirting between us but it didnt go anywhere. Really neither of us were in the place for that relationship back then.
Now he has a girlfriend, M, who absolutely hates me, but he is planning on breaking up with her after all the commitments that he has already paid for are up (like day trips and stuff). He is also trying to wait until the semester starts so that he doesnt have to see her anymore, as the last time they broke up, she went a bit wild and started causing trouble with his professors, trapped him in her room, etc.. The problem is that they currently live really close together and while he was in school, they had a LOT of classes together and were both officers of a club together. So the last time he broke up with her, he still had to see him every day and took every chance to cause a problem with him. He ended up getting back together with her just to make it stop. Putting it simply, I completely understand why he doesnt want to upset her until he never has to see her again. Though I think it would be better for him to break it off sooner rather than later.
This is where it gets iffy and I understand my friends telling me that I shouldn't give him a shot. A month or so ago, he confessed to me that he wanted to date me. And I told him off since he does currently have a girlfriend and the way he phrased it wasnt the best. It sounded more like ‘If you wait for me, I’ll date you’, which he has since very sincerely apologized for. He has been quiet about it until last night, where there was some innocent flirting (admittedly on both sides), but he did put a stop to it and tell me "I need to keep my mouth shut for now". My friends are worried that his willingness to tell me that he likes me and flirt while still technically dating his girlfriend, shows that he is just lining me up so that he has someone to date after he breaks it off with his girlfriend. But he has told me near everything that happens in his relationship and I know he hasn't been happy in it for a long time. And I know that he is worried about what she might do if he tries to break it off. That and I do actually like him, l've liked him since I met him, but was too scared to tell him back then. Its not like I'm thinking about dating him just so I don't have to be single, ya know?
So l guess the advice I'm looking for is, would it be okay to date him once he does break it off with her? I'm not necessarily waiting for him to do so, but if he does break up with her before I find a different guy, would I just be asking for trouble? Would it be better to wait a while after they break up if I'm still single? My friends keep telling me that 'a cheater is always a cheater', but none of them seem to really understand all the trauma that girl has put him through or that he hasn't really had feelings for her for a while now. Like a good while before he told me he wanted to date me. And to me, it does seem like he has been trying to keep his feelings to himself (save when he confessed his feelings to me and then last night, which was partially my fault, but he put a stop to). I dont know, I just dont see that has cheating considering the circumstances.
TLDR: My friends say that I shouldnt date a guy that I know really well because he told me he liked me while still in an abusive relationship. And now I’m questioning if I should even be considering the possibility of dating him. Help.
I think a friend of mine and I have been in similar situations for sure. Not to speak for them but I know that they broke up with an ex that was making them uncomfortable with someone else and then they ended up dating that person after the breakup which only made it worse for my friend. A little while after that I became friends with someone that followers of mine will know as Catboy and when I jokingly said that I was going on a “movie date” with Catboy (as friends) my ex broke up with me because he said I was cheating on him even though I was like no we’re going as friends but yk after he dumped me it did end up being a real date so. I know my friend was really pissed about their ex dating someone they felt was a threat right after breaking up with them and I’m sure my ex felt really pissed about me dating someone they felt was a threat after breaking up with me. So I see both my friend’s side as the person who feels “replaced” and my side as the person who was devastated to be dumped by the love of my life for “many reasons” and I have no regrets turning around and jumping into a very unhealthy relationship right after that. I think it was what I needed at the time and even though it became soooo fucking unhinged I was so desperate to be loved after being dumped I get it.
But here’s the thing: in both our cases the person was not already “planning” on dating the person behind another partner’s back. That’s REAL fucking shitty. Yeah, it’s a different story when that person is abusive. I think a really good fictional case of this is in the earlier seasons of 911. You root for Maddy and Chimney to be together even though Maddy was still married to her ex I think. I’m pro finding someone else to be in a relationship while being stuck in an abusive one for sure but like… idk there’s also nuance. There’s a line. I’m sure if you talk to my ex he’ll tell you I’m a crazy bitch. He had to dump me because I was just “too toxic” or whatever. If he was dating someone else on the side at the time or was planning to because he felt like I was some insane bpd bitch I would have been furious. Because I understand what it’s like to be a jealous bitch who hates your boyfriend’s friends. So I mean, I would be pissed in her shoes and I would say he’s cheating on her for sure. I get what it’s like to be an unhinged girl. So I can empathize with her, as someone who also gets treated like a crazy bitch sometimes.
I don’t really believe that “if you cheat once you’ll always cheat” because like I said there’s that exception of like “if you’re cheating because you’re being a battered woman and you’re physically afraid to leave but you’re craving love and receiving it from someone safe how can anyone blame you?”
I don’t think you’re wrong for being willing to jump into a relationship with him right when his ends and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to jump in a relationship with you right when his ends but I do think it’s really shitty to have someone you’re planning on dating on the side after you break up with someone while still dating them, and she has every right to be pissed about it and claim that she’s been cheated on. I think that still counts. I know “emotional cheating” isn’t a thing but I think planning on dating someone else while dating someone is close enough. But I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to date him when he’s free and I don’t think he’s wrong for wanting to date you when he’s free.
I’ll ask the other person I’m talking about if they want to chime in anonymously or not.
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fragileizy · 1 year
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my parents tensed up last night when i said i wanted to go back upstairs alone.
friday night in the big city and i was ready to turn in at 7pm. maybe it’s the depression, or maybe the heartache, or maybe both. maybe the cold. it’s freezing and i don’t do well when i have to wear layers. i want to peel off my skin whenever i have to wear more than two shirts.
i wanted to go back upstairs. back upstairs and watch more cartoons so i could turn off my brain, but my parents wanted to stay in the lounge— i’d been able to get a few large bitefuls of dinner into me before hand— to listen to the live music in the reception desk + bar area where surprisingly a lot of people were congregated.
i wondered if i should get a drink myself. i don’t do alcohol, never have, always afraid to. i realized i’d left my wallet back upstairs with my phone, one that i’m on the tip-edge of powering off and chucking into a trashcan, so i don’t have to wonder and wish to get a text message.
dear god, i am grateful to get text messages at all. it means he’s thinking of me. even if it’s just to tell me that he’s seeing his new girlfriend today.
“no, not right now, i don’t want to go up. it’s different here than back at home,” my mom said. “we don’t have life back at home. live music? that’s unheard of.”
we live on farm land. suburbia clashing with farmland, actually. white-picket fences. cookie-cutter houses. common to find goats and pigs passing behind it. horses are expected in our town.
“you’re right,” i told her. yelled out, actually, because the music was loud and it wasnt very good and hurt my ears. artistic flair while singing stand by me isn’t the absolute best idea. my parents are starting to get deaf in their 60s, and though i tease them a lot for it, there’s always a ping of fear.
my parents are aging.
i’m an only child.
i’ve lost my friends, and the few that were solely mine are on the computer and not tangible. i’ve lost the man that i thought i was going to be with forever— he has six little brothers and one little sister, with one tired father trying to keep it all together, did you know that? he’ll never be alone. he’s got family.
my family is sick. i’m worried about them. dad coughs a lot, mom went to the hospital for heart problems, and i was told that the man that i loved would rather be with someone else than with me. the lines under his eyes are deep. the tone of finality is painful. i wonder every day if i should’ve been better. well, i should’ve been. that’s not much of a question.
it’s a lot easier to be with her than it is to be with you, izy.
i started counting up to ten in my head. i don’t know where this habit started, but it’s helped. beat out the thoughts by yelling out numbers. over and over and over. if i stop myself from thinking, i won’t cry.
“i want to go back upstairs,” i tried, after my seventh or eighth count. taking in my dad’s hesitation to swallow around his juice. “uhm. i don’t feel so good.”
“are you sure?”
i know my parents. i know that they asked my therapist to make sure i wasn’t… critical. what a bad way to talk about it. i’ve never been suicidal— ironically, i’ve always been the type of person to think it’s rather useless. i want to live. i like living. dying always sounds so painful. i like listening to music. and drawing. and writing. even if it’s hard and difficult when i’m like this.
i know that my therapist asking me if i’m safe meant that my parents asked her to make sure. and what i told her was true: i’ve never been suicidal. it’s the only thing “left” to truly say i have depression. it’s the only box left unchecked.
just because you’ve never had it doesn’t mean you won’t. and i want to check, because i obviously don’t want you to die. i look forward to talking to you all the time. you’re one of the funniest clients i’ve ever met, and so interesting.
probably not a good idea to be called interesting by a psychologist.
the hotel room we have is twenty floors up. nineteen, actually, because this hotel skips level 13. superstition? it’s so fun. my dad and i snickered about it the first time we spotted it. twenty floors up. the window opens. it’s too cold to do that, but it does.
i made eye contact with my dad across the table in the lounge. i know my dad. i know how he thinks. he’s always telling me to pay rent if i’m gonna read all of his thoughts so clearly.
my dad is aging right in front of me.
and he is absolutely terrified of letting me go upstairs alone.
“i’m sure,” i told them.
my dad swallowed slowly. he struggled to pull out his key card from his wallet, taking his time. i’m not sure if he was taking his time because his fingers don’t move as quickly anymore. i’m not sure if he was taking his time because our fingers were red from the cold that we’re not accostumed to. i’m not sure if i was reading too much into it.
i took the keycard. i went to the elevator. i pressed the button.
the live music really sucked.
and i thought about my parents. sitting there. wondering.
before the doors of the elevator opened, i went back to the lounge. i sat through the aggravating music, and played with the bottle cap of my mom’s barely-touched diet pepsi bottle. we’re a coke zero family.
when an ambulance stopped in front of our hotel, glittering red and blue lights into the lobby, my parents said nothing.
and it said everything.
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heartzdiary · 1 year
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THE CONTRACT
Hello, my dear Sunshines,this is my first book and I hope to receive comments and likes- Author
CHAPTER ONE
I opened my eyes lazily as the sunlight shone from the window,I could vividly remember what happened last night. I got drunk and had sex, I looked at the clock and screamed as I saw the time.
"9'o clock' I gasped with my hands covering my mouth.Scar was going to skin me alive that I was sure of.I turned my eyes to the middle aged man sleeping like a drunk fool, shooked him roughly.
"Wake up now!" I yelled at him, as he lazily opened his eyes
"What's up with you" he shot me an angry look.
"No time to talk,.give me my pay" I said getting up from the bed and putting on my dress hurriedly.
"Chill...babe" he brought a was of notes and handed it to me.
"This is all you have, seriously?" I hissed collecting the money and leaving the room .
********
I knew Scar was going to punish me for reporting to him late,I hated this shitty life of mine,the worst part of it was I couldn't run away cause he would hunt down and kill me, our life's depended on him.
I wasnt the only one in this shitty 'business'. At Civille,Scar was in charge of all of the girls including me,forced us or let me say lured or better still deceived us into his trap,sleeping with men for 'loots', that was what we called money and dealing in drugs,anything illegal. I used to be that normal, broke young lady working in a restaurant as a waitress, until Scar deceived me that he had a job for me, I never knew it was this.Worst of it all our freedom can't be bought, only if you have a huge sum of money... We do all the works and he gets most of the loots leaving us with a ten percent or maybe fifteen if he was in a good mood which never happens.
I tiptoed across his office, because I go to my room passing his office, finally reached my room panting because of the fear of Scar catching me.
"You back,Rissa" Neila, my roommate and my close friend here at Civille
"I almost died"
"Thank your stars, he didn't catch you, what held you up?"
"That old cargo" I sat down tired on my messy bed, I looked at at Neila who was dressing up, like he was attending a party?
"What are you doing" Neila turned to me
"I don't understand"
"Scar has ordered us all to go get big loots,this has never happened since I came here, he ordered us to bring the loots and the first three with the biggest loots will be granted freedom" she screamed in exitment.I couldn't believe my ears, this has never happened in the history of Civille.
"Why is he suddenly doing this?" Asked in utmost shock.
"A heated fight happened between his biggest rival,The Great Doones the second, maybe he needs some money"
Hmmm
"Well, that's is his concern, one of my clients, named a place for me to find big loots,it is called the Golden Underworld."
I have heard about that place it was a bar for rich people, most especially men...that was I a change in my live started to begin.
𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲:𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗱,𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗔𝘀𝗮𝗽.
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i dont remember the last time i wanted something so badly. you consume me. maybe thats why im so on edge recently. i'm just not at peace, i want you so bad. 119 days left. and it feels like forever. but its less than 4 months now. 2 more weeks until i have a distraction and more-so, constant distractions. my own place.
i think being in edmonton is making it worse lol. i have nothing to do but think of you. i need my own space where i have things to do and people to see and honestly, where i have a life.
i cant wait to start decorating my apartment and making it truly mine. putting so many pictures and stuff on the walls and making it a home. ive never had this chance before. even in poland, i didnt put anything up on the walls. the only time i really truly felt like i had my own cave like in edmonton was when i lived with andrew downtown. i made that room my sanctuary and i absolutely loved it.
but now, FINALLY, im going to truly have my own longterm place. it'll be all mine. i can do whatever i want with it. im so fricken excited. i can take sarah and indy shopping with me and we can pick out stuff and have fun and go for brunch and hang out in the evenings talking and watching movies and mixing. this is honestly such a huge step in my life, i haven't have my own place with no expiration date ever. in poland i knew it wasnt forever and it was fully furnished. same with london, i just had rooms. and then vancouver, same thing. even when jake and i moved in together, it didn't feel right. i never felt like that place was decorated how i wanted it to be cause i really didnt decorate other than my office. the whole place felt.. empty. this place won't. i'm going to put so much effort into it. and then when you come in july, it'll be magic.
im scared. im honestly terrified im going to fall so hard for you. so in love with you. you're going to break me. i will be in shambles when we part. i know it. unless spending so much time together really turns me off from you. but honestly, i can't see it happening. i really cant. and i think part of me lowkey hopes you do turn me off because then i won't be so hurt. but knowing you the past few years and every time we see each other are these special, unforgettable memories that i cherish so much afterwards. its obvious you're going to hurt me. and i wont want anyone else.
i just truly hope you end up feeling the same way. if not, it is what it is, i cant force anything. but if july goes well, i want this to be the beginning of the rest of our lives.
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