#the last part isn’t a quote but i agreed with it so i left it

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Clownfall: Endgame

I am calling it that in the full knowledge that batshit things may yet happen, but listen. Listen. We have a year left before the general election. I am hedging my bets and assuming all that comes in that year will be Tory manoeuvring ahead of that. Let's all hope for a nice quiet year in which everything can fall neatly under that banner, that won't ruin this naming convention.

Previous Reading

Important Terminology - Required Reading

What is a Whip?

How do Whips work?

Shadow Cabinet

Front Benchers, Back Benchers and the Cabinet

What do we need to call an early General Election?

The Adventures of Big Dog the Clown - Suggested Reading

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Elanor’s Guide to Liz Truss - Suggested Reading

Character-based prequel

The Premiership of Liz Truss

The Next Steps - Suggested Reading

The post-Truss contenders

Bye Matt

BoJo Resigns as MP

Alright, that's probably everything. Just nice to have it all in one place, innit? If you would like a nice soothing soundtrack to your reading, here's my recommendation. On with the show!

Clownfall: Endgame

Wednesday

So, let's start with charismatic and charming Home Secretary Suella Braverman! You may remember her from such hits as "Quitting before she could be fired after breaking the law only to be rehired by Sunak almost immediately and without consequence to appease the right wing nutjobs in the party", and "Claiming Pakistani men have a culture that makes them work in abuse rings to target vulnerable white English girls" (I should add that, if you are unfamiliar with Suella Braverman, regardless of what that quote implies, she is not, in fact, white); recently she made the news because she announced that being homeless is a "lifestyle choice". So true, Suella! They could give it up any time they wanted. They could, for example, get together and break in and steal your fucking house.

But in particular, here we're focussing on her recent stance towards the multiple huge pro-Palestine marches that have been taking place in London. So far she has indicated that she wants people who wave Palestinian flags to be arrested, so that's very measured and rational of her; but, last Wednesday (Nov 8th), she decided to write a lil opinion piece in the Times all about how mean and biased and liberal the police are. This is an absolutely fascinating assertion to I suspect literally anyone who has ever been involved with the police. But no! Quoth Suella, aggressive right-wing protesters are "rightly met with a stern response", while "pro-Palestinian mobs" are "largely ignored".

And, she claims, the march on Saturday isn’t simply a cry for help for Gaza, but an "assertion of primacy by certain groups - particularly Islamists - of the kind we are more used to seeing in Northern Ireland".

Imagine how well all that went down.

Thursday

You are underestimating how that went down, because it emerges that Suella deVille did not, in fact, get any form of validated sign-off or permission from Number 10 before squirting her ill-informed liquid horseshit all over the front desk of the Times news room, and that, Tumblrs, you'll be surprised to learn, is actually quite an important and compulsory part of criticising the police when you are the Home Secretary. Like, there is a Ministerial Code about this. It is very clear. It is in Article 8.2, Tumblrs. Thou Shalt Have Permission From Number 10 Before Making Media Interventions.

“The content was not agreed with Number 10,” a spokesperson for Prime Minister Rishi Sunak told reporters, referring to the prime minister’s Downing Street office. The ministerial code is clear that any ministerial media interventions need approval from No 10.

-AlJazeera

And the Tories are furious! The bloodbath forms quickly and loudly and the hounds start baying! Clown noses are flying everywhere! The factions are drawn! Because even now, there are Tories too stupid to understand that whether you agree with someone or not they still have to follow the rules! Also the other parties realise they can offer some actual opposition here, given that Suella has essentially dragged a barrel into the middle of the House of Commons dressed in a fish costume, handed around a set of loaded rifles, and then crawled inside to wait. The result is that the calls for her resignation are both deafening and pleasingly cross-party.

"(This is a) dangerous attempt to undermine respect for police", says Labour's shadow home secretary Yvette Cooper. "(It's) irresponsible," says London mayor Sadiq Khan. "The PM's weakness when it comes to standing up to Suella is the most shocking thing in all this," claims a senior Labour source.

They're wrong, of course. The most shocking thing is Liberal Democrat leader Sir Ed Davey realising he can actually appear in the paper if he plays this right and so surfaces to attempt some politics. "(Sunak) must finally act with integrity by sacking his out-of-control home secretary!" he declares, frightening many MPs who had forgotten he was even in the room with them.

Meanwhile, several Tories approach the BBC anonymously.

"The home secretary's awfulness is now a reflection on the prime minister. Keeping her in post is damaging him," says one. Another straight-up describes her as "unhinged". Another claims the comparison with Northern Ireland is "wholly offensive and ignorant", and really, all of this is permanently triggering that "Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point" reaction image.

Saturday

Hey, speaking of reaction images, look, Labour has a go:

Well. They tried.

BUT! Do you want to know the INTERESTING bit??!

Enter: Nadine Dorries! Mad shrieking pink harpy who spends her days maintaining a BoJo shrine in her bedroom! Always the most hinged of politicians, let's see what she has to say.

Former cabinet minister Nadine Dorries claimed Ms Braverman was trying to get sacked to give her a platform of martyrdom in service of the right-wing. "The competition is on now for who is going to be the leader of the opposition," Ms Dorries told the BBC.

???!??!?

PERTINENT POLITICAL OBSERVATION FROM DORRIES?!?!?? The most shocking part of this whole affair. Remember that time she yelled at a journalist during an interview about Boris Johnson's latest scandal when he asked her how Johnson was feeling about the whole thing and inadvertently implied they were having an affair when No One Asked? God, wonders never cease. She's even acknowledging the Tories can't win the next GE, look. I'd say this is growth, except I am 100% positive she's just being catty about BlowJo being fired again.

Anyway, the real Saturday issue: it's Armistice Day, and there's a pro-Palestine march planned.

Now, to give context, Armistice Day has a creepy level of patriotic state-worship attached to it in the UK. Some time in October everyone on telly suddenly starts wearing a poppy, and if you don't you get hanged, drawn and quartered by (a) the British press, and then (b) a baying mob outside your living room. You most be performatively sad. You must perform reverence and hero worship and say things like "Never again" all while whole-heartedly supporting current wars. You must talk about "our brave boys", and share the works of dead poets from the trenches, and then completely fail to absorb any of their lessons. If anyone tries to wear the white poppy to distance themselves from the current political appropriation while still commemorating the millions of conscripted casualties, you accuse them of being "woke" and pissing on the worthy dead of WW1. It's a whole thing, and politicians love using it as an excuse to point fingers and mock each other for being insufficiently patriotic if they wear the wrong tie to the ceremonies, or choose to walk with actual veterans rather than a head of the current army, or any number of other things. And then on November the 12th they'll order a drone strike or something.

So, off the bat, you can see how a pro-Palestine rally on the same day was likely to be seen as provocative to some.

"Some" included Sunak! He didn’t (publicly at least) ask the police to ban the protest, but did call on organisers to call it off, claiming the choice of date was “provocative and disrespectful”, because as I say, a march calling for the ceasefire of a genocide is super disrespectful to every sad dead poet in a trench who dreamed of a ceasefire so they could live, or something.

But the inevitable therefore happens, which is that far-right activists agree that it's disrespectful, and so decide to violently target the march to show their respect for the idea of peace on Armistice Day, or something.

Here's the planned route by the organisers:

Note, though, that the Armistice ceremony happens at the Cenotaph - visibly nowhere near the march. These two events actually wouldn't have overlapped, if it weren't for far-right protestors deliberately linking them to stop them being disrespectfully linked, or something.

And that's exactly what happened. From the Guardian:

Perhaps the most striking incident, though, was when far-right protesters charged past police who sought to hold them back from the Cenotaph. In this video, a man shouts “this is fucking our country” in celebration. Whereas the pro-Palestine march had been excluded from the area as a precaution, the far right was not; by overwhelming the police, they supposedly sought to defend the site from an enemy that simply wasn’t there.

(that's quite a good article of the whole thing, actually, I recommend giving it a read.)

Crucially to the clown show, though, several politicians and others accused Suella deVille of emboldening the far-right, which... well, several of the far-right protestors straight up said was the case on the day, so hard to disagree, really.

Rumours of a reshuffle in Whitehall circumnavigate the land so fast the truth gets sucked into a tornado and is declared MIA.  Here's the thing! I've covered a few Cabinet reshuffles by now, Tumblrs, you know the drill. Reshuffles are always deniable until they actually happen – so if, say, a reshuffle was going to happen on Monday 13 November 2023, there’d be no need to publicise it in advance. That way, if things change and politics happen, you don't need to retract anything :)

Because, remember: reshuffles are always controversial.  Yes, some people get demoted, and those people will often kick off, and some people who don't deserve it get promoted, and lots of people kick off.  But the big thing is that a lot more people get overlooked for promotion.

His most ardent supporters would say that Rishi Sunak is a cautious man (if you'll allow me a moment to express my own view on the matter, Tumblrs, if you'll forgive this crumb of personal opinion amongst my otherwise impeccable journalling of greatest integrity, I once did a teambuilding task with my students where they had to build the best possible bridge out of uncooked spaghetti and pieces of marshmallow, and I personally would liken the structural integrity of his spine to the losing team's entry), and reshuffles will spread a lot of disappointment to Tory MPs who lose – or fail to gain – a cabinet position.

So, all in all... regardless of Suella's idiocy...

There's no guarantee of a reshuffle. Rumours are just that - whether they prove to be true or not remains to be seen.

Week Commencing Monday 13th November, 2023

New week, new challenges! And it's going to be a big week this week. On Wednesday (tomorrow, at time of writing), three big things are going to be announced, and these announcements will colour everything else this week:

One.  The Supreme Court decide whether the government will be allowed to enact their plan to send some migrants claiming asylum in the UK to Rwanda, a signature Braverman plan that human rights campaigners (including many in Rwanda) have been trying to block for ages.

It’s a massive deal anyway – a flagship government idea that’s been bogged down in the court, and we’ll finally have an answer one way or another.  For what it’s worth, the Tories aren’t confident about winning it, either.  The optimists among them reckon it’s a 50/50 chance, the pessimists reckon it’s 70/30 against, so it's iffy at best.

But here's the thing!

Plenty of Tories have always disliked Suella.  Others could handle the odd outburst she has, but can’t stomach the sheer number of them lately - the Lib Dem non-entity man was absolutely right that she is rapidly growing out of control and just does not know when to shut the entire fuck up.

Which means! If the Supreme Court allows the Rwanda plan, Braverman could become emboldened, like a far-right protest injuring police officers to defend the cenotaph from people who are nowhere near it and have no interest in it.  Do we want an emboldened Braverman?? Well; no, obviously. I also don't want dysentery, or rotten meat, or a serial killer in my neighbourhood. But it's a question even Tories are asking themselves, which is notable.

Plus, even if the court allows it, there will still be months of planning, and lawyers might still prevent the plans in the long run...  But psychologically, the issue is this: the government wants this win, but probably doesn’t benefit from Braverman feeling victorious.

Two.  We’ll get inflation figures.  The government promised to halve inflation, and it seems likely they’ve managed this.  Expect them to massively celebrate this, to distract from the promises they haven’t kept e.g. waiting lists in England, competent governance, etc.

Three.  Voting on a ceasefire in Israel seems likely for Wednesday.  It’s the SNP’s idea, and it won’t affect government policy (they won’t support a ceasefire – they claim it’ll empower Hamas).

But it’s a big deal for Labour, even more so than the Tories.  A Shadow minister has already resigned over the war.  A bunch of frontbenchers want a ceasefire, but that isn’t Keir Starmer’s policy, a man who is calling for the colours of the Israel flag to be shown at sports matches to show that "we stand in solidarity with Israel", because you can really count on Starmer to fuck up everything he touches.  So what do they do?  Abstain?  Claim they had a prior commitment??  We might see more resignations, basically.  Big day for Starmer.

So! With all that in mind...

Monday

8.43am

Oh look. Timestamps are back. I wonder if that suggests anything?

Suella Braverman is sacked as Home Secretary.

But! Sunak is accused of waiting too long! Which he demonstrably did!

He should have made the decision after the illegal article that she shouldn't have written and triggered a far-right rally on fucking Armistice Day.  Instead, remember that 'cautious' descriptor I talked about?? He waited until the tide had turned against her completely, and now looks like he (a) was too much of a useless wimp to fire her until he was sure people would still like him and pat his dick and tell him he's a Good PM, and (b) only fired her because he caved in to that appalling lefty liberal cabal that somehow these days includes the Metropolitan Police of all fucking people, and she'd have been able to stay otherwise.

Shout out to the best comment from Reddit:

u/nowonmai666: Doesn't she normally get sacked on a Friday so she can have the weekend off before being reappointed?

Anyway, that's the big risk now: Braverman’s supporters can claim she was only fired because Sunak caved in to the left.

8.56am

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns claims Sunak only sacked Braverman because he caved in to the left.

9.00am

Neil O'Brian, Pharmacy Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being a back-bencher with less power.

*sus*

9.09am

Nick Gibb, Schools Minister, quits to live out his stated dream of being more diplomatic, or something.

*sus*

9.42am

The Lib Dems decide to build on the success of their leader getting to be on telly for his one comment on Thursday and call for a general election.  Says Ed Davey: “It was the Prime Minister’s sheer cowardice that kept her in the job even for this long. We are witnessing a broken party and a broken government, both of which are breaking this country.”

Good job! They're having such a good few days.

Anyway remember the Tories don’t have to have a general election until December 2024, though, thanks to the Fixed-term Parliaments Act (2011), which was passed by the coalition government of Tories and, um, Lib Dems.  In which Ed Davey served for three years.

Hmm.

9.43am 

James Cleverly (remember him?) returns to the Cabinet and is appointed Home Secretary. The party attempts to appear trendy by experimenting with emojis:

This appointment is probably because Tory strategists wanted him in a domestic role to help the party’s chances in the next election; as Surprising Political Pundit Nadine Dorries told us, of all fucking people, the race is now on to lead the opposition.

But hey, this is not likely to lead to any more changes -

10.03am

FORMER PRIME MINISTER, BREXIT-TRIGGERER AND PIG-FUCKER DAVID CAMERON BECOMES FOREIGN SECRETARY

!!!!!!!!!!!!

And look! Another emoji! They're so hip!

(Side note... the balls on this one are astounding, actually. The UK political system has been in chaos ever since Cameron, and he was the first domino. This is not a well-loved former hero that will be greeted warmly by the unwashed masses.)

Awkward though, since just last month Sunak claimed that we’d lived through “30 years of a political system that incentivizes the easy decision, not the right one.”  It would be a terrible shame if a journalist was to ask David Cameron whether he agreed with the Prime Minister on that, given that Cameron’s job is to support the Prime Minister now.

Especially since Cameron took to Twitter last month to explicitly criticise Sunak for breaking the Tory promise to deliver High Speed 2.

(Cameron tweeted this criticism last month.  Labour MP Angela Rayner however promptly retweets it now lol suck a dick Dave, but try a human one this time)

Also, fun fact, Cameron has just come out of a large-scale lobbying and corruption scandal. Given the state of Sunak, though, that's actually probably what got him the job.

BUT!!! Here's an even funner fact: the man is not an MP. He left politics after he accidentally triggered Brexit and then it came out he'd once face fucked a dead pig's head while it was held on the lap of another Tory; he's been living it up in the lucrative world of after-dinner speaking, as these people do.

So can you do that?? Can you hold a Cabinet position if no one at all has voted for you??

Yes, turns out.

Don't be alarmed by that, though:

But, convention holds that anyone who becomes a Cabinet member while not being an MP needs to be a Peer - that way, if they do bad and naughty things, they can't be held accountable by the House of Commons but they can be held accountable by the House of Lords. Only problem is, Hameron is not a lord...

10.13am

The reshuffle, bafflingly, continues. Jeremy Hunt will remain as chancellor.

For the first time since 2010, the top four positions in government – Prime Minister (Sunak), Chancellor of the Exchequer (Hunt), Home Secretary (Cleverly) and Foreign Secretary (Cameron) – are all held by men.

10.18am

Lots of people tweeting about the historic context of Cameron’s appointment.  Here’s my favourite:

10.48am

David Cameron is given a life peerage, so his proper name now is Lord Piggledick.

10.52am

Health secretary Will Quince quits.  He wasn’t planning to stand for re-election anyway though, so this one is probably not a shock. But it's important that no one else resi-

11.04am

Decarbonisation minister Jesse Norman resigns.

...

...

...

Time for a

✨Conspiracy Theory✨

Between Quince and Norman – as well as Neil O’Brien and Nick Gibb – we’re seeing several mid-ranking ministers resign, despite being generally regarded as fairly competent.

It’s possible they were fired in private, and they’re publicly resigning to save face.  But here’s another theory.

MPs aren’t allowed to seek commercial employment for six months after resigning from the government.

So hypothetically, if you were going to lose your seat in a general election, you’d want to have resigned six months earlier so you can still get a job.

If that’s what these guys are doing, it suggests we’re on track for a May 2024 election...?

11.05am

11.12am

Remember Cameron's financial scandal? Quick background here: David Cameron was specifically vice-chair of a £1bn China-UK investment fund.

So let’s see what throwback former leader Iain Duncan Smith thinks of Cameron’s return:

“I am astonished at this appointment. It seems to send a signal to China that we are pursuing business with them at all costs and any costs. Those who have been sanctioned now feel more abandoned than at any time. Those facing genocide and persecution will feel more abandoned than at any time.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Iain Duncan Smith *spits on floor*

11.50am

Former Tory deputy prime minister Lord Heseltine is asked to sum up the return of Cameron, and says it’s the “clearest signal that the sort of right wing lurch that we’ve seen and the anti-European movement that we’ve seen has been put to bed, and that will get a message across to people”.

12.13pm

A Tory MP is worried that Cameron’s return will turn back the clock on Brexit and Johnson’s election.

“It is very alarming. I am predicting a softening on small boats, a softening on legal migration. I would not be surprised if the ban on conversion therapy returns.”

... Don’t threaten me with a good time.

Anyway, let’s see how the public actually sees Cameron compared with other PMs!

Yeah, not sure people will mind if Cameron’s not Boris Johnson.

12.43pm

ITV political editor Robert Peston walks past a minister of state.  The minister’s on the phone, but takes a moment to heatedly shout at Peston, “The PM just sacked me!”

I guess some days are easier than others as a journalist

12.47pm

Therese Coffey resigns as environment secretary!!!!

*choirs of heavenly angels sing*

You'll remember her of course, Tumblrs - she was one of the thugs manhandling people into the 'right' voting lobbies to force their vote on the day of Liz Truss' fracking law. Rumour has it she still has the Whip handle in her ass.

A lot of people seem to be resigning today! But don't be fooled. In almost every case, it’ll be because they were told to resign.  They’ve been sacked, but they resign to save face. A last mercy from their benevolent leader.

My guess: Tessie here is terrible at media skills, so – get rid of her before she hurts general election chances. This, too, is a pattern.

12.52pm

Rachel Maclean sacked as Housing Minister! Fun fact, numbers fans: it took Doctor Who 33 years to make it to eight Doctors, but since the 2019 election, the Tories managed eight Housing Ministers in just under 4 years

trololol

1.15pm

Jeremy Quin quits as Minister for the Cabinet Office.

1.37pm

Times Political Editor Steven Swinford reports that No 10 is struggling to find a new housing minister (owing to rumours the job is cursed). Several people have turned it down, including Jeremy Quin. It is incredible to me that they didn't line someone up before sacking the last guy.

Kemi Badenoch and Michael Gove are apparently unhappy that Rachel Maclean was removed from the role. I for one do not care about the opinions of Kemi Badenoch or Michael Gove.

2.04pm

Health Secretary Steve Barclay becomes Environment Secretary.  This is effectively a demotion for him. It is our 5th Environment Secretary in four years. Chasing that Housing Minister record! It took 19 years for Doctor Who to have five Doctors

2.15pm

Richard Holden appointed new Conservative Party chairman.

A 2019-intake Tory MP, he led the charge against Sir Keir Starmer over Beergate, which did damage Starmer a bit (albeit not much, given that it turned out Starmer had complied with lockdown regs, and the accusation was nakedly to try and distract from Partygate).  So this appointment looks like more strategy to win the next election - someone not known enough to be hated, with what passes in the modern Tory party for a proven track record.

This could be a sign that the Tories intend to at least try to shore up the Red Wall votes? As unlikely as the Tories are to keep those seats.

That said, Holden’s seat disappears in a boundary change next election, sooooo … we'll see what they do there.

2.24pm

Victoria Atkins appointed Health Secretary, replacing Steve Barclay who’s moved to Environment Secretary. She's a relative unknown but also considered actually competent. Massive middle finger to Steve Barclay

2.37pm

Laura Trott (formerly in pensions) promoted to Chief Secretary to the Treasury.

2.42pm

Science minister George Freeman resigns.

3.18pm

YouGov conducts a snap poll: is the appointment of David Cameron as Foreign Secretary a good decision or a bad decision?

Good decision: 24%

Bad decision: 38%

Don't know: 38%

So that's going well

3.24pm

Greg Hands is made a business minister after losing the Tory chairman role.

John Glen moves from chief secretary to the Treasury to become the Minister for the Cabinet Office and Paymaster General.

3.39pm

With Cameron being a Lord now, he’ll be based in the House of Lords rather than the Commons.  The most recent Cabinet Minister to be based in the Lords was former Brexit minister Lord Frost, who did weigh in on the matter:

“[T]hough I was not running a whole Department too. I don’t think it works well to have a lead Cabinet Minister answering questions and defending their Department solely in the Lords. The Lords is not a fully party political environment - nor should it be - and voters are owed proper political scrutiny. In our system, that can only happen in the Commons.”

I cannot believe I am about to say this.

But.

I agree with Lord Frost *spits on floor*

The SNP had already called this out, with MP Stephen Flynn claiming, “The UK is not a serious country.”

4.21pm

Conservative MP Lee Rowley appointed the 16th housing minister in the past 13 years. Even counting David Tennant twice, that's more than all the Doctors Who we've ever had, and that took almost 60 years.

5.16pm

Sky News’s Tamara Cohen reports that Sunak sacked Braverman by phone this morning!  Downing Street says there won’t be any exchange of letters between them - this is almost unheard of. Politics runs on paper trails! Everything happens through formal letters! By phone!

It means we’re denied insight into their differences.  But Cohen reckons we’re likely to hear from Braverman on Wednesday, as the Supreme Court rules on the Rwanda scheme.

6.03pm

Tory MP Andrea Jenkyns, former Education Minister, submits no-confidence letter in Rishi Sunak.

It's almost like, in the absence of Dorries, she's decided that someone needs to step up and have a tantrum and that someone might as well be her. It is, actually, an extremely funny letter, as these letters go. Normally they're written with a sort of furious earnestness wrapped in formal language. I presume that Andrea Jenkyns MP, former Education Minister, was aiming for something similar, and the first paragraph manages it. But by the end you sort of start to wonder if this was supposed to be a letter she wrote with her therapist to get her feelings out:

My favourite line, when pulled in isolation, is "Yes Boris Johnson, the man who won the Conservative Party a massive majority, was unforgivable enough."

Yeah, Andrea babes. You're bang on there.

6.05pm

Esther McVey is appointed as Cabinet Office minister.  Not a full cabinet member, but she will attend cabinet meetings.

This is notable: unlike a lot of today’s appointments, she’s on the right of the party.  Her role will be to represent the government on TV and radio as much as possible, talking about gender/culture/British colonial history issues (i.e. she’s anti-woke and a screaming bigot).

In other words, with Braverman gone, McVey is an offering for the populist right of the party to try to appease them.

6.15pm

Sunak tweets about the new cabinet, claiming they’ll make “the right decisions for our great country, not the easy ones.”  So it looks like that’s the new slogan, and we're pressing on with austerity

6.27pm

Tim Loughton, a Tory MP on the “One Nation” wing (i.e the David Cameron side) responds to Andrea Jenkyns’s letter of no-confidence by tweeting:

“Where can we submit a letter of no confidence in the Pantomime Dame?”

(It’s Andrea he’s publicly referring to as a pantomime dame there. A lil joke from the Tories for you)

6.31pm

Paul Scully sacked as minister for London. Didn't know that one was a position.

9.43pm

Sunak says that only a two-state solution will allow a new future for Israel/Palestine.  This is, um, not what the Prime Minister of Israel wants.  Who knows whether the Prime Minister of Israel will survive this crisis anyway – but these are big words from Sunak.  Cameron’s influence? Maybe? Interesting either way

10.03pm

And then - PLOT TWIST!!!

According to ITV political editor Robert Peston, a senior government source reveals that Cameron was approached on TUESDAY. 

Which means plans were underway to get rid of Braverman not only before the far-right violence on Saturday, but before her anti-police article on Wednesday.  It seems she lost her job not because of what she said about police after all; but because she claimed homelessness was a lifestyle choice.

Well well.

11.05pm

And the day finishes with Andrea Leadsom back in government (as Under Secretary of State for Health and Social Care) which nobody saw coming!  Pretty demeaning to the other 300 Tory MPs who could have been given this.

The final response from numerous Tories: they are feeling jilted and insulted because David Cameron being brought back when he's NOT EVEN AN MP, RISHI suggests that they themselves are not good enough to be in government.

No one tell them

#politik #clownfall: endgame

[antighst]

okay bc like, könig & gaz are such wingsmen i ain’t gonna lie ✊✊

summary könig and gaz helping you get with someone but ghosty boy intervenes

tags platonic!könig x reader, platonic!gaz x reader, jealous!ghost x reader, gaz and konig snickering, suggestive at the end !!

guys please this is so baddd!! also not proof read.

“Gaz.” konig deadpanned, he grabbed his shoulder facing him towards ghost in the corner nodding along to something soap is saying but his eyes followed you in the crowd.

“oh, come on konig! nothings going to happen between the two. they’re… how do i say it.. idiots! they’re idiots.” he mused, laughing at himself.

konig and gaz moved their eyes to you, watching as you apologized to some man who ran into you, quickly passing through until you reached the man you were talking about with konig and gaz a couple minutes prior.

you sat at the bar, eyes roaming in the sea of people, your gaze stuck on simon riley, a couple seconds too long. you groaned, “i need to get laid.”

konig and gaz instantly turned to you, confusion settling on gaz’s visible face. konig sighed “i’m not sure ghost would “keep the mask on”” he put air quotes on the last part.

“no!” you instantly defended yourself, you took the last sip of your drink, placing the glass down with a nice clink “i need to get laid so i can fall hopelessly in love with someone else.”

“sweetheart, mmm. no.”

gaz nodded, agreeing with konig, “what kind of friends would we be if we let some random dude “go down on you—“”

“stop quoting me!” you groaned.

“you talk about simon far too much.”

“ha. ha.”

konig looked at ghost, then scanned the room, eyes landing on some man against the wall in front of him. “okay how about him?” he asked, pointing, “he looks like he is a respectable man.”

you and gaz both turned to the man, he looked nice, obviously well dressed, hair looked nice and clean. no ring on his left hand.

gaz patted your back ushering you off the chair. “go. shoo.”

konig gave you a high five as you passed him. “remember. one and done. if you need help. yell gaz or something.”

“why my name?”

“i don’t know. it’s easier to yell..?”

“of course, you would know.”

konig tilted his head, brows furrowing under the mask, “are you flirting with me?”

“no?!”

ghost watched you make your way through people, nodding his head every so often when soap said something.

you made your way up to some guy at the wall of the bar, his eyes checking out your body almost as soon as you got there.

ghost watched you for about ten - twenty minutes before he saw the man place his hand on your hip gesturing to the bathroom to the left of you.

“dude, ghost? are you listening to me?” soap asked

“hold on.”

konig and gaz gagged at the sight of that man motioning to the bathroom. “konig, you said he looked respectable.”

“look at his clothes gaz. i didn’t know he was willing to strip in a bathroom!”

gaz watched you kindly take his hand off your hip, your genuine laugh become a nervous one, and you backing up a bit looking around for some help.

gaz hit the back of his hand on konigs chest, signaling the obvious discomfort. konig started moving before he saw ghost make his way towards you.

“konig what the hell. go!”

“no wait, look.”

gaz saw simons long stride to you, “oh what a shit show this is gonna be.”

the two sat back in their seat, turning to you.. and ghost.

“hey no mhm, sorry i must’ve mistaken you for someone else.” you nervously laughed backing up a bit.

“no, i don’t think you did.” the man replied, continuing to look you up and down. “why don’t we just get this over with and you can go back to your buddies over there—“

“babe!”

both of your heads turned to the side. ghost.

oh you loved this man. his timing… impeccable.

“what are you doing?” simon asked, his hand going to the small of your back.

“i—“ you stuttered, eyes moving between the two men.

“hey man, she was all up on me.”

“and you’re practically sober. she obviously isn’t. don’t be a fuckin creep next time.” simon deadpanned, grabbing your torso pushing you away from the man.

“hi ghost.”

“yeah, hi lovie.”

oh that nickname. that damn nickname.

ghost took you to a spot in the bar, not as loud and filled with people as the other areas.

“okay, what were you doing?” ghost asked.

“i don’t know.”

“did you want something out of that.” he asked, again.

“i don’t know.” you groaned this time a hand coming to your forehead. “i was being stupid—“

“damn right.”

“i’m not even drunk.”

“i know, i was trying to help you.”

“i— thank you.” you offered him a smile, a genuine smile. “seriously. thank you. when we— i, when i first saw him he looked nice and respectable.”

“we?”

“there’s no we. i. me. alone.” you glare at him, “i didnt think he would want to do it in the damn bathroom.”

“do you did want something out of it.”

“this feels like an interrogation.” you mused. a small laugh creeping up. it quickly dying down at the sight of his mask. “sorry.”

“was it a dare?” he asked, leaning his whole back on the wall now. “did konig and gaz dare you to be an idiot?”

“what? no!”

“okay then what—“

“i wanted to see if it could help me get over you.” you blurted out, taking a step back.

konig and gaz watched you and ghost talk. his hands grabbing your hips pulling you back into him, simon whispering something in your ear.

“oh shit, konig.” gaz placed a hand on his own chest letting out a laugh. “what the fuck.”

“oh boy.”

the two watched as simon took you out of the bar.

“they’re totally gonna have sex”

“definitely.”

#cod mw ghost #ghost fluff #ghost riley #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #x reader #ghost call of duty #ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley x reader #konig modern warfare #könig x you #konig x reader #kyle gaz garrick #gaz garrick #kyle garrick #gaz mw2 #gaz garrick x you #platonic

[tuiccim]

Though I Have Never Read It (Part 9)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2348

Warnings: Angst, so much angst. I'm so sorry.

A/N: Special thanks to my hype princess & beta reader @whisperlullaby.

Though I Have Never Read It Masterlist

"U-us?" You ask, confused. 

“Yeah, us. I, we, I- God! I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you about this for weeks,” Mark says. 

“About us?” You clarify.

“Yes,” Mark nods but seems to be at a loss for words. 

“What about us? You know you can talk to me about anything,” you reassure him. 

“After things ended with the woman I was seeing, Laura, I got to thinking. She knew about Eva from the beginning but then she decided she didn’t want that. To be a stepmom. She said she didn’t know if she could love Eva, love a child that isn’t hers. And it made me think, what if I can’t find someone that can love her?” Mark pauses. 

“You will, Mark. It just has to be the right person,” you put a hand on his arm. 

“It does and, so I thought, why can’t that right person be you?”

You stare at him absolutely stunned before finally finding your voice, “What?”

Mark takes a deep breath and then launches into his reasoning, “You love Eva and we’re great friends. Maybe we’re missing this great thing that’s right in front of us? Maybe we could be a family and along the way we could fall in love? We’ve always seen each other as friends. Off-limits in a way but if we tried, it could be great. You’re practically Eva’s mother anyway or the closest thing she has to one. We could do this together. Am I making any sense?”

“I understand what you are saying but… Mark, you’ve been through a lot lately. Your first relationship and breakup since you were widowed and then all this with Eva. Your emotions are running high.”

“I know it seems like that but I’ve thought about this a lot. I think all of this gave me clarity. We would be great together. We are great together. We get along, we work really well together with parenting, we’re comfortable together. We don’t have to jump right into anything. We could start spending a little more time together. Go on a few family outings and then a date. It felt weird when I first started thinking about it but it makes sense. Doesn’t it?”

“I’m… a little thrown, honestly,” you admit. 

“I know, I’m sorry but… will you at least consider it? We could be a family. A real family,” Mark says softly. 

“We are a real family. It’s little and broken but still good,” you quote one of Eva’s favorite movies, trying desperately to relieve some of the tension between you.

“Okay, Stitch,” Mark laughs, “but will you think about it? Really think about it? Please?”

“I… Okay, yeah, I’ll think about it,” you whisper.

“I think we could be really good together. Seriously, you’re my best friend. We tell each other practically everything. You love Eva. We could make this work. I think- I think this could be great. For all of us. Eva would be so happy. We could be happy together, the three of us as a family. I’d make you happy,” Mark looks at you in a way he hasn’t before. It makes you feel nervous and scared and so many things but you can’t think of it now as Eva walks in with a sweet smile asking for breakfast. 

“What would you like, Eva Diva?” You distract yourself from the conversation that you knew would weigh on you for hours. 

“Toast!”

“Toast? You got it! How about some eggs, too?” You smile. 

Eva’s face lights up with an idea, “French toast?”

“I’ll get out the bread,” Mark winks at both of you. 

“Will you help me crack the eggs?” You ask Eva as you join Mark in the kitchen. 

–

A few hours later, you left their apartment with Mark walking you to the door and asking one last time, “You’ll think about it, right?”

You nodded, answering quietly, “Yeah, I will.”

“Have dinner with me Saturday. I’ll get my mom to watch Eva. We can talk about it then. No pressure, just to talk. Okay?” Mark looks at you expectantly. 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you Saturday,” you agree. 

As you were driving home, your mind ran through the exchange with Mark over and over again. You had never thought of Mark that way. As he had said, it was off-limits, unthinkable because he was your best friend’s husband and you would never betray her by even considering it. He was also right that it made sense. You would love nothing more than to have Eva be yours legally. As it stands, you have no real right to her. If Mark did ever end up remarrying and his new wife decided she didn’t want you around, you had no recourse to seek visitation. It could turn the situation ugly and that was your greatest fear. 

As you pull into your parking spot at the compound, you realize you don’t even remember the drive. You had driven by rote, your mind consumed with the dilemma at hand. You laid your head back on your seat and imagined your best friend in the seat next to you. The two of you had often had your “car talks” when you could tell each other anything and you knew it would never leave the confines of that space. 

“What should I do?” you ask. 

“What does your heart say?” She looks at you with a smirk. 

You scoff laughingly, “I hate it when you ask that.”

“Because it’s not an answer,” she smiles knowingly. 

“Exactly. You answer my question with a question. It’s the worst,” you pause for a moment before asking her, “Would you hate me?”

“For loving my family?”

“No…” you stare at her, knowing she understands your question. 

“I could never hate you,” she reassures. 

“It feels strange, wrong to even think about it. As if I’m trying to take your place, take over your life,” you feel tears shimmer in your eyes. 

“Are you?” She asks softly. 

“No… I don’t know. Maybe there was always that little bit of envy. You had a good man and a real life and I was this shadow of a person under everyone else’s control.”

“You weren’t a shadow. I saw you.”

“You saved my life and then lost your own.”

“It was worth it. I brought Eva into this world.”

“She’s amazing. She’s so like you. I love her so much,” you tell her.

“And I love you. No matter what. You’re-”

A knock on your car window makes your head pop up. The presence of your best friend melting away and you stare up at Bucky for a moment before reaching for the door, “Uh, hey.”

“Hey. Are you okay, doll?” He asks.

“Just a lot on my mind,” you say as you exit your vehicle and grab your bag. 

“Let me carry that for you,” he takes the bag from you.

“Thanks, Bucky,” you give him a small smile. 

“How is Eva?” He asks as he walks with you to your room. 

“Almost fully recovered. She still tires out easily but she’s back to her normal self for the most part. She’s a fighter, like her mom was,” your voice breaks a little as you enter your room. 

“Doll?” Bucky looks at you curiously as he sets your bag down. 

“I’m sorry. I just-” you break down in tears and Bucky is to you in a second. You wrap your arms around his neck as sobs wrack your body. Everything converged on you at once, your fear of losing Eva, the grief of your best friend’s death, the fear and uncertainty surrounding Mark’s request, your feelings for Bucky, and your own insecurities. You cried more than you had in years and through it all, Bucky held you. 

“It’s okay. I got you, doll,” Bucky whispers reassurances as you cling to him. 

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do,” you release the words shakily. 

“About what? Talk to me,” Bucky rubs your back. 

“I don’t- Everyth- Eva and Mark and everything. I can’t…” You stop, scared you’re going to start hyperventilating. You felt panicked. Everything was pressing down on you and you felt heavy, so you held onto Bucky. He was your lifeline in that moment. 

“You’re overwhelmed, doll. The last few weeks, the last few months have been a lot for you. Let’s get some food and then maybe an early bedtime would be a good idea. What do you think?”

You nod against his shoulder, “Will you-” You stop yourself from asking him to stay with you. You know how unfair it is, but his presence comforted you. It felt wrong to ask him to be there for you as you are considering whether to give up a chance to be with him in order to be with Mark. If Bucky even wanted to be with you like that. God, you were so confused and torn and sad. Maybe you should tell him, ask his advice, and find out how he feels. He was one of the few people who knew about your full past. He had become your closest friend and confidante over these last few weeks. 

Then, as if reading your mind, he answers your unspoken question. “I’ll stay with you as long as you want. I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you,” he whispers. 

Those sweet, perfect whispered words should have given you all the comfort in the world but they shatter you. Your heart feels like it’s burning a hole through your chest and the tears start all over as all the confusion crashes down on your head again. 

“Doll? Did I say something wrong?” He asks, pulling back to look into your face. 

“No, no, it’s me. I’m wrong,” you pull away from him. Bucky lets you go, allowing you space, and waits. You put your head in your hands and turn away. Your mind is going too fast, the thoughts are crowding in. You don’t know what to think or feel. “I don’t know what to do,” you cry. 

“Talk to me. Please, doll,” Bucky takes a step closer to you.

“I don’t know what to do,” you repeat the words as if stuck on a loop. 

“You talk to me. That’s what you do. Look at me, doll,” Bucky moves around you to look in your face. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know if I should. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to you. You-, I-, do you…” you look into his eyes before shaking your head, “I can’t.”

“You can,” Bucky watches as you shake your head, “You can, you can, doll. Whatever it is, I’m here for you. You can tell me.” He cups your face in his hands, forcing you to look him in the eye. 

You stare at him, covering his hands with your own, and it calms you. You had told Bucky about everything else. You had told him how weak you once were and shown how strong you had become. It wasn’t fair to him but…

“Mark,” you whisper. 

“Mark? What did he do? Did he hurt you?” Bucky looks over you as if expecting to find some mark or bruise. 

“No, no, he would never. He… he wants to be a family.”

The color drains from Bucky’s face as he takes in the meaning of your words, “What?” 

“He’s scared he’ll never find someone who can love Eva. He wants us to be a family and…” you trail off. 

“And?” Bucky prompts. 

“He said, what if we’re missing out on this great thing that’s right in front of us? We could be together and be happy and… I’d be Eva’s mom,” you looked up at him with all of the confusion and fear showing on your face. “But would I be betraying her mom? Am I doing that just by thinking about it? Is that really a relationship that could be happy when it’s based on the love of a child rather than loving each other? Mark said maybe we’d fall in love along the way. But we’ve had six years as friends, wouldn’t those feelings have surfaced if they were there? Or was it just so off-limits we’ve never let ourselves go there before? He wants to go to dinner Saturday night to talk about it. I don’t know what to do.”

You lay your forehead on Bucky’s chest. If it was possible, you would have heard his heart breaking as he held you there. He felt it shattering into pieces too tiny to ever be put back together. He was in love with you, head over heels, beyond sense, in love with you. He had planned to tell you that night, before Mark called about Eva’s seizure. Maybe that was his sign that he wasn’t supposed to. Maybe he was supposed to let you go. Maybe you were only ever meant to be a night of comfort. His past was just the past and you were just meant to be a part of it. You were his sign that he could let go and move on. All he knows is he can’t fail you now and so he takes a deep breath, puts his own feelings aside, and asks the question that may turn his heart to dust, “What is your heart telling you?”

You squeeze your eyes shut tighter, staving off the onslaught of tears you feel coming to choke you. It was as if you were hearing your best friend speaking through him. You give him the only answer you can, “I don’t know. I’m just too overwhelmed right now. I can’t think straight.”

Bucky blinks rapidly, trying to keep his emotions at bay, “Of course you are. Let’s get you some food and then you need to rest. Everything will be clearer in the morning.”

“Thank you, Bucky.”

“Of course, doll. I’m here for you. Whatever you need,” he kisses the top of your head wishing he could make it all better. For both of you.

Part 10

Updates and taglist: My taglist is currently full. Please follow my sideblog @tuiccimfanfiction and turn on notifications for updates. All series and new stories will be reblogged to it. You will only receive notifications when an update or new story is out! Nothing else will be blogged to the page. I can’t thank you enough for your support!

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#bucky barnes #bucky #marvel #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #avengers #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x you #captain america #reader insert #winter soldier #winter soldier x you #bucky angst #bucky series #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky fic #the winter soldier

[number1jeonginstan]

Coffee Pt.2

Jeongin x afab!reader (enemies to lovers)

part I part III part IV

A/N: I knew I said I didn't know when I was going to write the next part but... when inspiration hits it hits. Anyways, please comment if you want to be part of my tag list!!! I'm still pretty new to using tumblr so please bear with me!

WC: 1.3k

CW: Just swearing I think idk what else

“Aww is poor baby going to cry” you said throwing another ping pong ball. You stared at Jeongin as it landed straight in the cup. “Maybe I should have bet more” you shrugged. 

They had 2 cups left while you and Seungmin still had 6. “You know what, let’s up the anty” Jeongin said and you were intrigued. “If I win, you buy me the shirt and…” he pondered to himself for a second “You give me head as an apology” he grinned at you. 

Before you can even speak, Seungmin replied for you “If you wanted your dick sucked so bad you should have asked the girl who was on you like a leech earlier, I don’t want you trying to get into y/n’s pants.” 

“Awwww does Seungmin have a little crush on his “little sister”” using air quotes around little sister taunting him, “or are you scared you are going to lose?” he cocked his head to the side. “You know what, fuck you, I’ll do it” you stated confidence flowing through you “and if I win, you have to grovel on your knees and apologize to me and buy me coffee for the rest of the year as an apology.” 

“Fine, but get ready to lose. And Seungmin, I have the perfect maid outfit for you to wear while you clean our bathroom.” You look at Seungmin confused “Our bathroom?” 

“Did Seungmin not tell you, we share a room here because there aren’t enough, meaning when you want to hang out with Minnie over here, you also have to hang out with me angel.” He smirked at you like he was proud of himself.  

“y/n, you don’t have to do this, we don’t have to bet this far. I don’t want you to lose.” you cut him off “Minnie have I ever lost a game of beer pong?” You looked at him with your doe eyes “No…” he replied “Exactly, and I do not think I’m gonna lose that 3 year streak today” 

You guys were tied one to one, it was your turn and you felt like you were gonna vomit. Sure you were confident, but you’ve never blown someone off before, the farthest you’ve gotten is second base in the back of your ex’s car during a football game in high school. You aren’t scared of sex, but you’ve never had the need to find someone to fuck. The only person who knows this about you is Seungmin because you blurted it out to him when you guys got drunk together the first time and he consoled you and told you it’s fine, everyone has their own time and their own person, and that stuck with you. 

As you threw your last shot in, it landed straight into the cup. You started bouncing around and jumped into Seungmin’s arms. “I TOLD YOU” you screamed and kissed his cheek, something you guys have always done. 

Jeongin just glared at you guys making Chan chug down the last cup, already feeling tipsy. You congratulate Chan for a job well done. “You are so cute,” he said to you. “You should come around more often, I like your energy and I feel like the other boys would too.” 

“I don’t think she should, she doesn’t know how to own up to her mistakes,” Jeongin said directly to Chan acting like you weren’t even there. “What do you mean by my mistakes? We agreed that whoever won would apologize. Actually, not even apologize, but grovel, so start groveling Yang Jeongin.” You glared at him, waiting for him to get on his knees and apologize, but instead, he came centimeters from your face.

“Suck. My. Dick.” each word enunciated with such hatred and disgust. You scoff in his face “I thought a bet was a bet? Isn’t that what you said?��� 

“Come on Innie, don’t be a dick and just apologize, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, you are usually so nice” Chan stated slurring his words a little from drinking almost all of the cups. 

“Yeah Innie,” you said “Don’t be a dick and apologize” you pout at him. “Is it that hard to admit you are wrong?” you poke at his chest “Or are you just an egotistical maniac who gets off on making other people angry?”

“That’s it y/n, why don’t we get a breather?” Seungmin tried to drag you away, but you whine in protest “But he hasn’t apologized for ruining my shirt and spilling coffee all over me.” 

“If an apology is what you want, that’s what you are going to get,” he said “I’m sorry that you are stupid and can’t watch where you are going.” He started coming closer to you, a cup of the same liquid Sana was drinking earlier. “And I am oh so sorry for this,” he said with a grin. pouring the contents of the drink all over you. 

Your white shirt was stained pink and you could feel the liquid seeping through your skirt. “What the fuck!” you yelled. Your cheeks turn red in anger while Seungmin watches in awe. 

“Aw, did the poor girl not my apology?” he said with a fake pout. “What is your problem Jeongin?” you almost started crying but Seungmin pulled you away taking you to his room. 

As soon as you guys went up the stairs into their shared room, you broke down. Tears were streaming down your face, and you could feel your clothes clinging onto your body. “Don’t cry y/n” Seungmin was trying to console you, but it made you feel even worse. “I don’t know why he did that, but why don’t you go take a shower, get all of that pink shit off of you. I’ll give you a towel and some of my clothes.” 

You rubbed your eyes, feeling your mascara running. “Thanks, Minnie, I knew I could count on you.” You started giggling seeing him running around his shared room trying to find a shirt for you. “Of course, anything for my little loser,” he said again whilst ruffling your hair. “I’m gonna go back down to give you some privacy, there should be makeup wipes in one of the draws left over from Halloween.” 

You gave him a puzzled look and he replied “I wanted to dress as Pororo, I had to have a white face so I used face paint. Do you have a problem with that?” You started to giggle, “I do not, but I’m praying you have a picture so I can send it to your older sister.”

“I do have a picture, but I am sure as hell not letting you see it y/n. I would need to be on my deathbed” Seungmin said with a stoic face. “I can arrange for that to happen” you replied only to get the shirt thrown at your face. 

“Go shower before someone tries to break down my door and fuck in here.” Seungmin pleaded before closing the door to his room.

The layout of the room was kind of basic. There were two beds, each full-sized, and a walk-in closet. Before going into the conjoined bathroom, you went inside the closet. You could automatically tell which side was Seungmin’s, seeing his Spider-Man pajamas in the corner from when you guys had a Marvel-themed movie marathon and sleepover with the rest of the theater kids. You could also see the shirt that Jeongin messed up when he spilled coffee over the both of you guys. You genuinely felt bad for running his shirt, but you couldn’t get over the fact he didn’t apologize to you. He was being an ass for no reason, you would have offered to pay for his dry cleaning if he wasn’t being so rude.

After you finish your snooping, you finally go to shower, pondering if you should wash your hair or not since the drink was already soaking it. You opted for it and turned on the shower letting the warm water fall upon you. Everything was peaceful surrounded by the warm heat almost like it was a hug, that was until you heard a knock on the bathroom door. 

#skz #skz smut #skz x reader #seungmin x reader #i.n #jeongin #i.n. #straykids x reader #i.n x reader #i.n skz #ju <3 writes

[sequinsmile-x]

Stained Glass Windows - Chapter Fifty Four

Life was complicated, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-

Hi friends,

Sorry there has been a little bit of a delay in this chapter in comparison to normal, but we're back!!

A week on Tuesday makes it a whole year since I started writing Stained Glass Windows, which is wild, so there will be a chapter then AND one before that to make up for the 2 weeks gap since the last chapter.

Please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 2.5k

A full list of warnings for the fic can be found on the Series Master List and will be updated as we go along.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“Okay, sweet boy,” Emily says as she walks into the living room, baby monitor in hand, “Your sister is asleep and I am all yours.” 

Jack beams at her from the couch and she sits next to him, wrapping her arms around him as he settles into her side, “Can we watch Nemo?”

Emily hides a groan as she reaches for the remote for the DVD player. She was sure the Finding Nemo had taken permanent residence in there. They watched it whenever Jack was around, and the bright colours also seemed irresistible to Lily, so Emily was sure the disk might as well be fused to the tray inside the player. It was strange to think that only a few years ago she would have spent the evening alone in her apartment, a glass of wine in front of her instead of a cup of herbal tea, and a good old-fashioned horror movie instead of an animation she thinks she could quote word for word, but as Jack rests his head on her chest and shifts so he’s entirely in her lap she knows she wouldn’t change it for anything. 

“Of course,” she says, “We got part way through earlier so shall we start where we paused it?” 

He nods against her, “The start is scary.” 

She hums and kisses the top of his head, “It is isn’t it,” she agrees, fast-forwarding to where they’d left the movie earlier, ignoring how she feels her cheeks heat up as Gill the fish appears on screen.

She doesn’t think she’ll ever forgive JJ for saying the animated fish reminded her of Aaron, a comparison that Emily now couldn’t shake. 

They watch the movie together, Jack’s hand tangled in the neckline of her shirt, and she checks the time on her watch, keeping an eye on it to get Jack in bed at the right time. He’d likely miss Aaron getting home from his case, but he’d be there in the morning - excited to be home and with his wife and children, a well-needed reminder of all the good there was in the world after seeing some of the worst. 

“Emily?” 

“Yes, Jack?” She replies as she tilts her head to look down at Jack and smiles at the curious look in his eyes. He sighs like he has the weight of the world squarely on his five-year-old shoulders and her smile slips away and she reaches for the remote to pause the movie, “What’s wrong honey?” 

“Mommy said I won’t see you and Daddy on Thanksgiving.” 

It was something they’d discussed with Haley a few weeks ago. Whilst everyone being together for Jack’s birthday was one thing, the holidays were another thing entirely. Extended family made it more difficult, especially Haley’s father who had spent the better part of Jack’s most recent birthday party glaring at Aaron whenever he gave Lily the slightest bit of attention, so they’d worked out a schedule. Jack would be with Haley for Thanksgiving, then Emily and Aaron for Christmas and the following year they’d switch. It wasn’t perfect but it worked, and she just hoped Jack knew how many people loved him.

“You’re spending Thanksgiving with her, your Aunt Jessie and your Grandpa remember?” She says, putting a positive spin on it, “And you’re here the day before. And then for Christmas, you’re with us and then back with Mommy the day after.”

He nods, his smile too sad for someone so young, “I guess.” 

She hooks a finger under his chin and makes him look up at her, “And it’s Lily’s first Christmas,” she says enthusiastically. 

This time last year she hadn’t even known she was pregnant yet, the idea of having a baby with Aaron something they’d discussed, her birth control still at the bottom of the trashcan in their bathroom. It was hard to imagine life without Lily now, the 4-month-old the absolute centre of all of their worlds. 

“It’s her first Thanksgiving too.” 

She sighs, “True, but she’s a little baby. She can’t eat turkey, or pumpkin pie, but at Christmas, we can take her to see all the lights, and you can help her open her presents.” 

His smile brightens up slightly, “Really?” 

“Of course,” she says, tucking him back into her side, “And you’ll be here the day after Thanksgiving anyway, Aunt Pen always makes so much food, we’ll still be eating it.” She tickles him as he talks and he giggles, trying and failing to shy away from her. 

“Emily, stop,” he laughs, and she does, smiling down at him as he settles back into her arms, “There will still be pie?”

She leans down and kisses his forehead, “I’ll personally make sure we save you some, okay?” 

He rests his head against her chest, “Love you, Emily.” 

She hugs him closer, kissing the top of his head fiercely, “I love you too Jack.” 

There’s a brief moment of silence before he shifts to look at her again, “More Nemo?”

She chuckles and nods, reaching for the remote to switch the movie back in, significantly less enthusiasm in her voice than there had been in his. 

“Yes, honey. More Nemo.” ___

Aaron knows his wife is going to be angry. 

He was angry. Seaver had not only endangered herself, but she’d endangered everyone by defying orders and thinking she knew better than the rest of them. She’d only been on the team for a few weeks but he was worried about her longevity with them, about how he could ever trust her 

Not for the first time, he found himself missing having Emily and JJ on the team. 

He sighs as he steps through the front door, the smell of home instantly loosening the tightness in his chest. He immediately feels warm, the temperature difference between the cold winter air outside and the toasty warmth of his house forcing him to take off his winter jacket and suit jacket at once, hanging them both up as he does so. He makes sure he pulls his shirt sleeves down to ensure the small cut on his arm from when Drew had lunged at him, his knife just knicking his arm before he shot him. He’d changed into a different shirt on the jet back so Emily wouldn’t immediately see the slit in the sleeve or the small amount of blood. 

It hadn’t even needed stitches and the bleeding had stopped before they’d fully secured the scene, but he knew Emily would still be worried no matter how minor it was. He was the same whenever she got hurt, even when it was something as simple as Lily’s tiny fist accidentally catching her in the face when she lifted her into her arms. 

He walks towards the living room, following the low sound of the TV, and he smiles when he sees his wife curled up on the couch under a blanket. She turns to look at him, switching off the reality show she’d been watching as she does so.

“Hi, honey.”

Aaron smiles as he walks over and kisses her over the back of the couch before he walks around it to join her, “Hi sweetheart,” he says, kissing her forehead as he sits next to her, smiling as she rearranges the blanket she’d been under so they are sharing it, “Both the monsters are asleep?” 

She chuckles as kisses his shoulder before she rests her cheek on it, both of her arms wrapping around one of his, “Lily has been down for a couple of hours, but she’ll probably wake up soon. Jack went to bed after asking to watch Finding Nemo again.” 

“At least you got to see that fish you have a crush on.” 

She grasps his forearm a little tighter than necessary, “How many times…” she drifts off as he barely hides a wince. She looks from his arm up to her husband, her brows furrowed, “What’s wrong?” 

Aaron blows out a steady breath as he releases his arm from her grasp and unbuttons the cuff of his left shirt sleeve, “I’m fine,” he assures her as he rolls the sleeve up and reveals the cut, he presses his lips together as she holds his arm, lifting it to get a closer look, “The takedown of the unsub got complicated, he lunged at me with a knife and I had to shoot him.” 

She leans up to kiss him, her lips catching his jaw, in recognition of how difficult she knows he always found it when he had to take a life. It was part of the job none of them ever got used to, a heaviness they carried that anyone who had never been in that situation could never understand. She turns her attention back to the small cut on his arm. She knows it’s harmless, that it won’t even scar, but she can’t ignore the churning in her belly that it creates. Any time he got hurt like this, on the other end of a knife even if it was him slipping and cutting his hand when he cooked dinner, it took her right back to when she found Foyet attacking him. The swish of the knife, the sound it made as it was pulled back out of his chest echoing through her head as she looks at the fine red line on his skin. 

“What do you mean it got complicated?” She asks, gently pulling his sleeve back down and doing up the cuff. 

He sighs, knowing this was the part that would make her angry, “Seaver…went off on her own. Put herself in danger,” he says, clearing his throat as he meets his wife’s eyes, “We had to get her out of there.” 

She clenches her teeth, irritation at a woman she’d only met once washing over her as she tries to breathe through it, “What the hell was she thinking?” 

He pulls her closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, “She got too personally involved, she related to the fact the unsub has a young daughter and it made her think of her dad.” 

“It still doesn’t give her the right-”

“Em, sweetheart,” he says, running his hand up and down her arm, “I know, and trust me I made my feelings clear on the way home.” 

A smile flickers across her face, “She got the Hotch glare?” 

He chuckles as he leans in to kiss her, “It works on most people,” he quips, his thumb gentle against her cheek, “It works on everyone except you really.”

“It’s not my fault I find it incredibly attractive when you’re pissed off,” she replies her smile slipping again as she sighs, “I just…I hate not being there sometimes. I know leaving was the right thing to do,” she says, her gaze drifting to a framed picture of her and Lily on the wall, “We have Jack more because of it, and I’m here for him and Lily, but I hate that I’m not there to have your back.” 

Aaron knows it won’t help to say that he misses her too. That he misses looking across a room and seeing her there, her presence a reassurance that he hadn’t realised he’d relied on quite as much as he did until it was gone. But this was better. Coming home to her, to their kids, to the understanding that only she could provide was more than he could have ever asked for. 

“I know, sweetheart,” he says, kissing her softly, “But the others are there. I’ll figure out what to do with Seaver. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had someone on my team who directly disregards orders.” 

She scoffs as she pulls away, outrage painted across her face as she looks at him through narrowed eyes, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

He hums as he cups her cheek, his smile widening the more she tries to fight hers, “Sure, baby,” he says, linking his hand through hers and lifting it to kiss her knuckles, “Sure.” 

A cry from upstairs, shortly followed by the crackle of it through the baby monitor cuts them off. Emily moves to sit up, ready to go get Lily before she wakes up Jack too.

“Right on cue,” she says, pulling the blanket from her lap, but Aaron stops her, his hand on her shoulder and his lips against her temple.

“I’ll go get her,” he says as he stands, folding the blanket back around her, “I need some Lily time.” 

“What if she needs feeding?” Emily asks, settling back into the comfort of the couch despite her half-hearted protest. She loved watching him with the kids, the tender way he loved them enough to warm her from the inside out. 

“Then I’ll bring her to you,” he replies as he leaves the room, “Just relax, Mommy.” 

“Okay, Daddy,” she says, her smile wide as he stops briefly to glare at her, “What? You’re allowed to do that and I’m not?” 

“It’s different and you know it,” he says as he walks away, lovingly shaking his head at her. 

She smiles as he walks up the stairs and closes her eyes, letting herself relax as she hears her husband's voice come through the baby monitor. 

“Hi princess,” he says, the greeting followed by a rustling she knew was him picking Lily up, something that is confirmed by her crying ceasing almost immediately, “Daddy missed you….Mommy really is trying to ruin that for me.” 

She chuckles and opens her eyes when she feels something land in her lap, smiling as she looks down to see Sergio staring back up at her. 

“Hi Serg,” she says, scratching behind his ears, “To what do I owe this pleasure?” She asks, and he starts to purr and settle down, curling up in her lap, “I see, I’m just a warm place to lay down whilst all your favourite people are busy.” 

She continues to scratch behind his ears until she hears Aaron’s familiar footsteps on the stairs and then in the hallway. He walks into the room with Lily in the crook of his arm, the sight of them together enough to make her stomach swoop, something she hopes never fades. 

“Hi sweet girl,” she says as Aaron hands her over, smiling as Sergio meows in protest when he lifts the cat out of her lap, “I guess you’re hungry, huh?” 

“She did seem a little irritated that the one without breasts went up to get her,” Aaron jokes as he sits next to her, holding Sergio to his chest as Emily starts to feed Lily. 

Emily shushes him as she turns to look at him, “Don’t be stupid, she loves her Daddy.” 

Aaron sighs, shaking his head at her as he sits back, “Em.” 

-x-

Tag List:

@ssa-sparks, @lukeclvez, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

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[tenebraevesper]

Analyzer - Félix & Emotion, Part 1 (Miraculous Ladybug)

So, now that Season 5 of Miraculous Ladybug has finally ended (and left us with an abysmal conclusion), I’m here to deliver my thoughts on how Félix was handled this Season. I have heard all kinds of reactions and opinions, but I’m here to present you my unfiltered thoughts in regards to him and his actions.

But, before I start, I’ll preface this with saying that I’ll be splitting this analyzer into three parts: Pre-Emotion, Emotion & Post-Emotion, mainly because of the shift that happened in that very episode.

So, let’s start the party!

Last we left off, I talked about Félix in Season 4 and basically praising him for being an unapologetic gremlin who causes chaos anytime he appears. Given how I felt nothing for the heroes in the Season 4 Finale, I frankly couldn’t care less about Félix’s “betrayal”. The only thing that annoyed me were the idiots who clowned on Maribug for somehow not having the ability of mind reading and realizing Félix was cosplaying as Adrien.

We’re starting off with Episode 2: Multiplication. There isn’t much to say, aside from the fact that Maribug has figured out that Flairmidable was Félix, while Adrichat was stewing in his own jealousy over Maribug having a team of heroes to help her to figure that one out. Not to mention, even after Adrichat mentions how Félix and Monarch might be connected, he completely forgets not only that Félix was interested in sticking around at the Agreste mansion, but that he found a spy glass which should’ve hinted that Félix was investigating something or someone - namely Gabriel. Great start!

So, here’s where we learn a bit more about Félix,... and why does he have a Wikipedia page? Also, I thought his surname was Graham de Vanily, but it appears he has retained his father’s surname rather than taking his mother’s.

Anyways, we find out that Félix is the son of the American billionaire Colt Fathom, who died the previous year, and his mother, Amelie, is actually the aristocrat Lady Graham de Vanily. He’s also a triple kung fu and horse riding medalist, chess prodigy and England’s youngest graduate. He’s also the only one who has any braincells in this show.

Skipping over the boring stuff, we learn that Amelie had been covering up for Félix, pretending that her son was not at home so Maribug and Adrichat wouldn’t search for him.

Behold, the only parent in the Rich Kids Club who actually cares about her child. Gabriel, Tomoe, André and Audrey could never!

We can already tell from the scene that Félix is up to something, with Duusu wondering if he’s her new holder and Félix responding with: “I’m much more than that, Duusu.” This is what we like to call “foreshadowing”.

Skipping ahead to Episode 18: Emotion, we finally learn what Félix’s plan is. To quote Red: “It’s murder. The plan is murder.” Ooops!

The episode itself starts off with an Adrinette scene and I’m gonna skip over this, because honestly, I couldn’t care less about the Love Square since it feels more forced than 8-year-old me mashing a Barbie and Ken doll against each other while shouting “Now, kiss!’’

Anyways, we see Félix, once again cosplaying as Adrien as the Diamond Dance and spotting a ring on Kagami’s hand.

Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. First of all, how do I know this is Félix and not Adrien? Because there is no way Mr. Oblivious himself would have such reaction to a ring on Kagami’s hand. Second, where the hell is Adrien even? I sincerely doubt he agreed to Félix’s idea of pulling another switcheroo. Did Félix kidnap him or something?

Anyways, Félix has a sudden realization about Kagami that I will address a moment later, while Kagami just glares at him. The tension is then broken up when Amelie barges into the building, yelling at Gabriel about how Félix is still missing.

Amelie Graham de Vanily: (struggles to make her way in through the guards) Gabriel! My son Félix has been missing for weeks now! (storms towards them) Not only have you and your friends been no help with the search! But now I'm not even invited to the ball?! You haven't been the same since my sister Emilie disappeared! Why are you rejecting us?

Parent of the year! No, seriously, even if she’s only acting, her giving a verbal smackdown to Gabriel is always pleasing to hear. Hell, she even questions Nathalie why the hell she’s still working for Gabriel despite his obvious cruelty.

Anyways, moving on to the actual Diamond Dance, which really is just a party for snobby rich kids (as established by Chloé, who has been really done dirty this season, turning her into a caricature of herself, because Astruc apparently can’t stand the thought of people being fond of her). 

We spot Félix and Kagami talking to each other, with Kagami still believing that the person next to her is Adrien. I have to say, while probably a bit awkward, I do like the interaction between them, especially how Kagami calls Félix more assertive and braver, and being willing not to go between “Adrien” and Marinette, because Marinette is her friend. Wait, wasn’t she gunning for Adrien in Season 3 regardless of the fact that Marinette is her friend?

Eh, who cares, because the writers certainly don’t.

Félix doesn’t care either, as he’s here to just play his role as Adrien, at least until the right opportunity. Kagami continues telling him how they don’t have to play as the puppets for their parents, and Félix counters with their parents still be the ones controlling them. Kagami replies that she, being a descendant of Samurai women, obeys orders because she wants to, which makes me wonder whether any of the writers ever did research on samurai. They didn’t obey orders because they wanted to, it was because they had to, even if it caused the samurai or their family to suffer. In fact, the word “samurai” means “one who serves”. Yeah, the implications are a huge “yikes” given what is revealed in this episode.

Félix, ever the charmer, dares her to leave the party, leaving a protesting Kagami stunned when he tells her that he can do that. Once again, pure cunning and gremlin attitude coming from him. Not to mention, Kagami is visibly excited about the idea of just getting away.

So, if all that’s needed for her to fall for a guy is for the guy in question to be rebellious, I’m seriously wondering why the hell she ever fell for Adrien, who has the spine of a wet noodle? I suppose she thought he was similar to her, a lonely rich kid who dreamed of freedom and would grow a spine and escape the expectations Gabriel put on him. That, or it’s because the writers said so.

Anyways, Kagami changes her mind, with Félix being disappointed.

Félix!Adrien: See? You're not as free as you claim. Don't you think we should be able to decide our future?

Keep in mind that conversation about freedom. It’s kinda fascinating.

So, before they can open up the ball with a dance, Marinette runs towards Félix, rambling about how “Adrien” could’ve told her how he went to the dance even tho he didn’t want to go to it... and seriously, couldn’t you send him a text message or call him to tell him that? Because you know what this is? This is more unnecessary drama to make fun of Marinette being “oh, so in love with her boyfriend” because no one in this show knows how to write actual romance unless it’s accidental. Honestly, what is with the writers’ obsession to clown on her every damn episode?

It did serve a purpose to Félix’s story, though. After all, Félix only knows Marinette as that one girl who sent Adrien a love confession on the anniversary of his mother’s disappearance/death/whatever. Now, he saw a girl who was willing to break into a high society party to tell her “boyfriend” she loves him. That’s some crazy dedication. After a little nod from Kagami, he starts dancing with her.

It gets even more interesting with this piece of dialogue:

Félix!Adrien: All eyes are on you.

Marinette: They're looking at me like I'm a monster.

(Adrien's face turns sour.)

Félix!Adrien: Look closer, Marinette. (stops dancing, and whispers in her ear) They're the monsters.

Honestly, this is leading to some really interesting characterization in regards to Félix, but I’ll get to that in a moment. Marinette figures out this guy isn’t Adrien, with Félix giving her a devious smirk.

I just love this little gremlin. Félix then proceeds to transform...

...in front of everyone? Has he not learned that, if your identity is revealed, your Miraculous will be taken away? Unless you’re one of Marinette’s classmates and not named Chloé, because screw Chloé.

I gotta say, the transformation is quite short, if snappy. Furthermore, Argos outfit is miles above Flairmidable. I suppose Félix spent the previous 16 episodes coming up with an outfit for his big reveal.

Now, here’s where I have to clown on Marinette. This girl sees Félix using the Peacock Miraculous to transform into Argos, a Miraculous she knows was last held by Mayura and then Shadow Moth. She also knows that Félix was the one who either gave the other Miraculous to Monarch or had them taken away. Yet, she still doesn’t put two and two together and ask Félix about what he knows about Monarch. Admittedly, she may have more pressing matters to deal with, given how Argos reveals the solution to all of his problems.

It’s murder. The solution is murder.

Long story short, Argos creates a Sentimonster named Red Moon and then uses it to Thanos-snap everyone he doesn’t care about out of existence - including Gabriel!

Argos: Good evening, uncle! You can call me Argos now. Gabriel: How dare you! I will never allow you to— Argos: Oh, I think you will, uncle! It's time for someone to finally put an end to your endless 'trying to control people'. Adrien, my mother, me; turn us into whatever you want us to be! I'm freeing us from you! (Argos snaps his fingers and Gabriel disappears into thin air.)

Wooo, end the episode right there! That bastard Gabriel is finally dead! Félix/Argos saved the day! Let’s break out the good stuff and party!

Yeah, considering how this wasn’t the finale of Miraculous Ladybug (too bad), it’s obvious Gabriel will be brought back, but let me enjoy the moment.

Anyways, I’ll end Part 1 of the Analyzer at this moment, and discuss instead Félix’s character up to now. In Season 3, we saw him being very reserved, showing disdain for Adrien and his friends, and willing to go so far to sabotage him. Season 4 showed more of Félix’s cunning side, as he was the only one to figure out that Gabriel is Hawk Moth/Shadow Moth, being willing to confront him even though Gabriel threatened his life. Not only that, but he also achieved his goal of taking possession of the Peacock Miraculous, fooling the heroes and making a fool of Gabriel.

It is established that Félix is a very morally grey character. He’s observant and self-serving, looking out mainly for his own safety, with there only being a few people he genuinely cares about, like his mother and Adrien. As shown in Season 5, he clearly cannot stand the people around him, save for Kagami and Marinette, calling everyone else monsters and desiring to be freedom, not only for himself, but for others as well, and even resorting to make everyone vanish to achieve that.

I know people consider Félix a villain, but I don’t think he can be called one. The title of Anti-Hero actually fits his character more. He’s selfish, having put the safety of Paris in danger by giving Gabriel all of the Miraculous, but here he just snaps him out of existence, ending the reign of Monarch once and for all, and Gabriel cannot do anything about it. Technically, he saved Paris, and he did it because he had enough of Gabriel being a controlling bastard.

Félix continues being awesome in his own way, and while the rest of the episode explorers who he is as a person, I’m afraid that his is the peak of his awesomeness.

Links:

#Analyzer - Félix & Emotion, Part 2 (Miraculous Ladybug)

#Up Ladybug (Masterlist)

#Ten's Thoughts #Up Ladybug Analyzer #felix agreste #felix graham de vanily #felix fathom #duusu #ml argos #ladybug #chat noir #miraculous ladybug pv #miraculous ladybug #ml salt #love square salt #ml writers salt #thomas astruc salt #gabriel salt #kagami tsurugi #marinette dupain cheng #chloe bourgeois

[andalitean]

Rachelcrantz and Tobiastern are dead: the compilation

in the words of @brechtian​, “what if we were two characters trapped in the narrative and spiraling towards an inevitably tragic ending. and we were in love”

aka every time these two took “all the world’s a stage” a little too seriously. inspired by this, where @lorenfangor​ quoted rachel in book 37:

[“So it’s a trap. An inevitability. You are who you are. Character is plot. Character is destiny.”]

#3 (Tobias)

["But part of me kept saying, ‘It's a lie. It's a lie. You are the hawk. The hawk is you. And Tobias is dead.’"]

#7 (Rachel)

["Jake’s voice in my head kept saying, <Rachel, morph out. Morph out. You’re out of control! You are OUT of control! Morph!>. / I was clawing wildly at the air, trying to kill the tiger that was suspended above me in the dropshaft. / Trying to kill Jake. / I felt as if I had snapped awake from a dream. / Slowly, as we rose toward the surface, I left the bear and returned to myself."]

["’I’m so sick of this,’ I said again, a little more softly. ‘What’s the point? What’s the point in anything? we know the future now. We know what happens if we decide to stay and fight.’ / I felt lost. The last ounce of energy just seeped away from me. It was too much. Too many things to deal with. And what was the point? What did it even matter what I did? / I flopped down on the grass and pine needle-covered ground, and rested my head in my hands. I was done. Done trying to make sense of a world where I could be jerked back and forth like a puppet."]

#17 (Rachel)

[“Everyone in a group has a role to play. At least that’s how it always works out. My role was to say, ‘Let’s do it. Let’s go. That’s what we came here for.’ / But I was tired. And I’d had a really, really bad few days digging down to this stupid cave. / So I said, <Let’s do it. That’s what we came here for.> / Sometimes it’s hard to get out of a role once you’ve started playing the part.”]

#22 (Rachel)

[“I tried to remember, but it wasn’t like I was thinking about myself. It was like I was remembering some girl I used to know. Like she was an acquaintance I’d forgotten about until someone reminded me. It was like, ‘Oh, yeah, Rachel. I remember her.’”]

[“Then there he was. Saddler. David. He swaggered in like he owned the world and everything in it. I so wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. But that wasn’t in the script. My role was to seem chastised, beaten down. Defeated and humiliated. That’s what we figured he’d want. That’s what would make him happy.”]

[“I nodded, meek and afraid. David searched my face through Saddler’s eyes. Was he suspicious? Had I overplayed my part? / Then he reached across and smeared the re-fried beans down the sleeve of my shirt. And laughed. / So I did something I don’t do much. I started to cry.”]

#23 (Tobias)

["I mean, what was I thinking? Rachel’s a human. A real human. I’m a hawk. You think Romeo and Juliet were doomed, just from being from families that didn’t like each other? Well, you can’t get any more doomed than caring for someone who isn’t even the same species."]

#27 (Rachel)

[“If Cassie had said it, Jake wouldn’t have told her she was overreacting. He would have agreed. He would have thought she was being sensibly cautious. / Wasn’t I allowed to be cautious? / No, of course not, I thought bitterly. I’m supposed to be a reckless fighting machine and fighting machines don’t feel caution or fear. And even if they do, they don’t advertise it. / ‘Well, excuse me, I guess I’ll just shut up and follow orders,’ I said.”]

#33 (Tobias)

[”Rachel stared at the wall. I looked at the floor. In an instant, the bulletin board display had thrown our friendship into the harsh light of reality. Rachel was a girl who could, on occasion, become a bird of prey. I was a hawk who could, on occasion, become human. / Several big steps past being Montagues and Capulets like Romeo and Juliet. Remaining hawk meant meals of still-living mice.”]

[”<Guys. Wait a minute,> I interrupted. / ‘What is it?’ Jake asked. / I swooped down from the rafter to the floor. Loose straw swirled in small eddies as I touched down. A ray of light from a crack in the barn wall bathed my feathers in yellow light. It was almost too much. Too theatrical. I half-expected angels to hover up out of the hayloft and break into song. / <It’s me,> I said. <I’m the one who has to go.>”]

[”<Let go,> I mumbled to myself. <Let go of yourself.> / ‘What was that you said?’ Taylor asked. / Irrelevant. She was nothing, I was the hawk. / Deeper into the hawk. Go away, weak human boy. / I seemed to stand outside my body. Hawk, human - everything. My mind began to race, the manic frenzy of madness. Up above it all. / A wave of self-pity, followed by a wave of hatred, followed by the unbearable weight of despair. The pain sped everything up. Faster and faster. Panic, fear, sadness. / But somehow... / Using the half of me that was equipped to process pain, I was enduring it. Close down your human mind! It’s your only hope, I told myself. Focus on the hawk.”]

[“Focus on the part of you where the pain is less subversive. Less destructive. / Sink into your hawk self, Tobias. Deep into your raptor self. / But the images! / Fragments of memory. Random memory. Flashing uncontrollably across my mind’s screen. / Insanity! Madness! / A hyper-speed slide show. / Fleeting, Irrepressible. Dominating my reality and impossible to control. Turn it off. Off!”]

37 (Rachel) (this one is included mainly because she references Hamlet which is really funny to me)

[”’Not likely. I’m the one who does hard and fast. And relentless.’ / ‘And reckless,’ Marco shot back. / ‘While you want to sit around and think every stupid little step to death,’ I spat. ‘You’ve got a Hamlet complex, Marco.’ / ‘Yeah, and there’s a method to my madness. Which is more than I can say about your finer moments.’”]

43 (Tobias)

[”’Hey. No matter what you think, Tobias, Taylor’s not your responsibility. Besides, how often is it possible to see the big picture, really?’ Rachel said. ‘Things happen fast. You just have to make the best decision you can and then go for it. You know what? I’d do the same thing again, if I had to.’ / ‘How can you say that?’ / ‘With me, it’s about instinct. I knew we had to dig that tunnel. Turns out I was right, but for the wrong reasons. If we hadn’t gotten involved with Taylor, Cassie wouldn’t have known about the plan, wouldn’t have talked to Tidwell, wouldn’t have worried about us. But she did. And it opened up a course of events that couldn’t have occurred otherwise. It ended up saving the Yeerk peace faction. It was a good investment.’”]

48 (Rachel)

[”I felt like I was watching everyone from behind a Plexiglass window. / I just wasn’t there. I couldn’t relate, not to the teachers, the boys, the girls. I couldn’t even pretend to relate.”]

53 (Jake!!!) (i think this quote is the most tragic...)

[”’We blew up one Yeerk pool,’ Rachel said cockily. ‘So we blow up another. Badda-boom. Nothing to it.’ / She knew better, of course. She was just playing her part.”]

54 (Rachel)

[”I could see the viewscreen. I could see my best friend Cassie. Jake. Marco, funny Marco. Ax. / Tobias. / He had morphed. He was his human self once more. He’d done that for me. And because he was crying, I understood. Humans cry, hawks don’t. / ‘I love you,’ I said to the screen. / And oh, god, how could so much regret and so much sweetness and so much sadness all be present in that single moment. I was already dead and missing my unlived life. I was already dead and Tobias was mourning. / I tried to smile. For him.”]

[”I wanted to much to live. I wanted so much to stay and not to leave. In a moment no answer would matter to me, but just the same, I wanted to know what I guess any dying person wants to know. / ‘Answer this, Ellimist: Did I... did I make a difference? My life, and my... my death... was I worth it? Did my life really matter?’ / ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘You were brave. You were strong. You were good. You mattered.’ / ‘Yeah. Okay, then. Okay, then.’ / I wondered if-”]

#animorphs #animorphs spoilers #compilation #analysis #theatre girl rachel is real #tobias #rachel #im literally crying again posting this. alright enjoy

[ogsherlockholmes]

Benoit Blanc

I know I’m not the first person to say this (my current feed proves my point) but Benoit Blanc from Knives Out is clearly a Holmes adaptation, and, surprisingly, a lot closer to the canon than some of the more popular ones, since it was more like the book version and not the agreed societal misinterpretation. Here are some of the comparisons I found (I’m going to use Knives Out: Glass Onion for this because I watched it yesterday so it’s still fresh in my memory, but the first movie would work too).  

This is probably obvious, but major spoilers for the movie. If you haven’t watched it, please do, it is so good.

In probably one of the most surprising scenes in cinema, James Bond- Benoit Blanc (also know as Daniel Craig) is lying in a bath with a rubber duck, smoking a cigar, surrounded by books and drinks, wearing what I think is a fez (correct me if I’m wrong, and I apologise if I am), playing Among Us. This has got nothing to do with the post but Daniel Craig’s transition from smooth, suave, James Bond to whatever the fuck Benoit Blanc is is inspiring. 

Not only is Blanc playing the game, he’s also terrible at it and doesn’t understand it. He’s playing with his friends online, and they mention that Phillip told them he hasn’t left the bath in a week (exaggeration, because I can imagine if that was true he’d literally look like a raisin). Blanc also said that was a hyperbole. There’s a knock on the door, and he shouts for Phillip to open it, then tells his friends that he ‘lose[s] it between cases anyway’ and he ‘might be going insane’. He also says ‘My mind is a fueled-up racing car, and I got nowhere to drive it.’ and ‘I don’t need puzzles or games. The last thing I need is a vacation.I need danger, a hunt, a challenge. I need a great case.’ Phillip shouts out that someone is there with a box, (the puzzle box from before), and Blanc smiles.

There’s too much, there is honestly too much, and it’s his first scene in the movie. 

Starting off with the bath thing, that’s already a very Sherlock thing to do. And the fact he was reading and smoking in there as well. I couldn’t get a clear picture of what exactly he was reading, but I could see some Penguin Classics in there, and, going off A Study in Scarlet, Sherlock had vast knowledge of ‘sensational literature’, like horrors, which would be published in those editions. 

Because I see Sherlock as being autistic coded, any adaptation of him would be the same. So, him struggling to cope with lockdown, like a lot of autistic people, and calling out someone’s hyperbole adds to this.

There’s the part about him not understanding Among Us, but I’ll get to that. 

Then there are the quotes. I don’t think it gets any more obvious than this. In The Sign of the Four, Sherlock says, ‘My mind...rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. That is why I have chosen my own particular profession, or rather created it, for I am the only one in the world.’. Blanc’s quotes are very similar to this. Sherlock also states that he gives up stimulants when he has work, and it’s not exactly the same, but Blanc was heavily smoking and drinking since he didn’t have a case (not saying he stops when he does, but neither does Sherlock). 

I haven’t spoken about Phillip yet, but he is a clear Watson figure. He’s also Blanc’s partner, which isn’t confirmed in the movie but heavily implied. Also, it’s Hugh Grant. Nothing to do with Watson but... Hugh Grant. Not only that, but this is one of the only adaptations which Sherlock and John are together. I never thought it would be an American adaptation with Daniel Craig and Hugh Grant as the couple, but sure.

When Blanc meets the rest of the friend groups, he’s awkward and a bit uncomfortable (autistic coding, again). The friends recognise him and ask him about the cases he was involved in, but we’re only told the names, not the content, similar to the books where Watson mentions past cases but doesn’t elaborate.

Also, the outfit. It’s a stretch but it has to be Holmes inspired. If it was a modern day summer, Sherlock would definitely wear it. 

Then, Birdie tries to flirt with him, and he’s clearly very uncomfortable. From what we’ve seen, he’s gay, and I’m not saying that straight men can’t be uncomfortable if they’re being flirted with, but if we compare it to other Holmes adaptations, there’s a similar reaction. He gently tries to reject them and clearly doesn’t enjoy it. When she tries again, he doesn’t know what to do. Birdie only backs off when he says he wears her brand of sweatpants and she realises he’s gay.

There’s also more autistic coding in this, because when Birdie asks what material his shirt is, he answers honestly, and she turns away because she’s uninterested, since she didn’t actually want to know. She’s taken this as a rejection and the end of the conversation. As an autistic person, I have this interaction far too many times.

When Blanc arrives on the island, he is overjoyed at the opportunity and continuously thanks Miles for inviting him. Again, he’s very awkward, specifically about the bags. 

Blanc always seems to be confused with the technology on the island, but never afraid. This could sort of be a way of bring Sherlock into the modern age, but him still not being modern, if that makes any sense. Meaning, he lives in the 21st century, but he isn’t from it. So, the way Blanc reacts to technology is similar to how Sherlock Holmes from the books would act if something time travelled him over a century forward. For example, in a scene like the one with the weird stick insect luggage porter thing (?), Blanc is confused but amazed, and isn’t scared, like how Sherlock admirers modern technology but isn’t used to it. 

Throughout the next few scenes, Blanc is shown gathering intel about the other guests. Later on, we find out Helen was with him, so he wasn’t alone, but I’m just focusing on the first impressions of it. In the books, Sherlock would usually do stuff like this. 

Skipping to the dinner scene, the most obvious evidence is Blanc deducing the entire crime, then being confused when everyone got upset. This is another bit of autism coding, since he misunderstood the situation, thinking he was supposed to solve the case as quickly as possible (which, seems more reasonable) but instead allow the other guests to talk in. When he was asking if there was a prize involved, it was similar to the time Sherlock was requesting a cheque if he solved the case, and the client was confused but agreed, then Sherlock explained it for him (I can’t remember what book this was or the exact details however). 

Then, of course, Miles himself mentions Sherlock, saying “As Watson said to Holmes”, then being interrupted by Blanc solving the case. I have no idea what Miles was going to say, because Watson said a lot of things to Sherlock, but again, another reference. 

I’m looking back at this and I went into a lot more detail then I expected to, so I’m just going to skip through the other parts. I don’t know, I might add to this later. 

Blanc appears as an almost fatherly figure to Helen, and, as seen a surprising amount in the books, Sherlock liked to adopt a lot of his clients (basically all the Violets, etc). In the first movie, Blanc’s relationship with Marta could be interpreted the same way. 

He mentions Cluedo at one point, claiming he doesn’t understand it, which wasn’t in the books but (unfortunately) immediately brought BBCSherlock to mind. Also, the Among Us thing, another game you would expect a detective to be good at.

Blanc’s use of metaphors (’It’s like putting a loaded gun on the table and turning off the lights’), his vocabulary and just his general manner is all reflective of Sherlock Holmes. 

So, it’s not an exact adaptation, since it has it’s own plot and Sherlock... doesn’t sound like a cowboy. But, it still has the same Sherlockian essence to the Benoit Blanc character.

#wow i rambled #good luck when reading this #its amazing if you got this far #knives out #benoit blanc #daniel craig #Sherlock Holmes #sherlockholmes #Sherlock #ACD

[sysmedsaresexist]

You know, Sophie is right, let’s not give her anymore attention

PT. 2 OF EPIDEMIOLOGY OF MPD AND DISSOCIATION

PT. 1 here

So, picking up where I left off.

Colin Ross is working his way down the list of possible reasons why 8 of the 454 subjects reported personality states without trauma. So far we have:

There's a problem with the test in nonclinical populations.

There's a problem with the DSM on prevalence statistics.

They have amnesia for their ABUSE.

The BIG quote. The big quote continues:

So, what’s he talking about here? Why isn’t this part ever quoted?

First off, subjectively like other people, and mild.

Second, the last sentence is about a less... clinically severe presentation of MPD, as he said earlier.

But before we go any further, I want to talk about another of Ross’ papers, written one year earlier. THE DISSOCIATED EXECUTIVE SELF AND THE CULTURAL DISSOCIATION BARRIER.

First off, Colin Ross has some pretty amazing moments. This one actually made me laugh out loud.

This paper is about... Holy crap, how to even describe this. He theorizes that everyone is a bit multiple, and that western society doesn’t have access to other parts of themselves because society is... training/suppressing people to not be multiple? It’s a bit strange, but it’s HERE that he clarifies how this multiplicity is different from MPD.

Beyond that, I want to look at Practice Guidelines for Identifying and Treating Complex Trauma-Related Dissociation for our current understanding of this type of multiplicity-- Specifically # 8, 9, 13, 14, 15, but read the whole thing, it’s great, honestly.

And then we have his final reason.

5. Iatrogenesis could be real.

The Limitations:

We’re still not even halfway through this paper, because now we’re getting into the REAL topic at hand-- prevalence. Because that’s what this paper is actually about.

Do we want a part 3? I don’t know that it’s worth it, because the statistics have been updated since this was written. Let me know if you do, otherwise, I think this is it?

Points to note:

- Normal/nonpathological multiplicity is basically IFS

- This paper isn’t about normal/nonpathological multiplicity, it’s about prevalence and the accuracy of the tests

- Quotes out of context don’t help anyone, and the quote is his THEORY about why this happened, I could just as easily use an out of context quote from here that they have amnesia

- This paper is from 1991

- When I spoke to Ross, we talked a lot about some people having innately low thresholds for trauma and dissociation, and about this type of multiplicity that’s (supposedly) seen in everyone to varying degrees. I didn’t agree with everything he said, but he was clear that it’s not the same thing as DID.

- On the earlier note of schizophrenia, he also says this about the testing, and it may also offer a reason why the 8 tested for MPD (see the DDIS from earlier for the questions):

#debunk #syscourse

[opinionatedbooks]

You know how last post I said I haven’t found my 5 star summer read yet well I found it. Surprise! The book was suggested by a booktuber that’s a fav of mine (Sara Carrolli) and I’m so glad I gave it a try. The book that has tossed be into 5 star depression is…drumroll please… The Grace Year by Kim Liggett.

The concept of plot isn’t as easy to follow along so I’ll give the basic rundown and let you form your own opinions when you read the book. When a girl reaches the age of 16 she is sent off the the “grace year”. They are away from society for a whole year trying to be purified from their “magic”. While they are away they try to stay alive since every year grace girls come back with less than they left with. Oh, and I almost forgot, women in general are seen as “objects” to the men in the society. Now onto the review.

I’m just gonna get the “bad” out of the way so then I can rant about my love for this book. The only part I can think of is in the beginning it’s a bit slow. Yes, the author is trying to set up a huge plot while also trying to intricately make a new world but even I can say it was a bit slow. Not slow as in hard to get into, but it felt like you were getting a lot of detail right off the back and readers will either hate it or love it. Also there is a whole tiny, minuscule subplot of romance that couldn’t be less important to the overall story. However I was still gobbling it up.

Now about the good (you might want to buckle up cause there’s a lot). The plot was so scrumptious to dig my teeth into. At times it was icky and gruelsome (like literally had to put book down) I couldn’t stop. It felt like I was in a fever dream until the very end, that’s how well the book captured my attention. It also didn’t hurt that the authors writing style had the book flowing so smoothly that it felt like I was in a book haze for a day straight. Looking back I wish I could have read this book for the first time again just so I can really appreciate everything. The author also did so well at slowly unraveling everything that by the end it felt like I, as a reader, had grown along with the main character.

Speaking of main character I’m realizing I never mentioned her name. It was Tierney James. I don’t know but I love it. It’s simple yet not (you know?). I appreciated how the author wrote her. Like yes the reader is getting her pov and her personal struggles and growth, but the way the author made all everyone so intertwined it felt like I was reading multiple stories at once. It a was real breath of fresh air compared to other books I’ve read over the summer.

I feel like I should also dive into the fact that at times the subject was “icky”. Icky is a nice way of putting it since in truth I was overwhelmed with disgust. But this disgust shouldn’t be what deters you from reading. If your not into a bit of blood, sweat, and tears for a worthy cause I understand. At times it was a struggle to want to continue after some of the things I had read but under everything I felt I wanted to know, I wanted to find answers.

Yes, this is my first 5/5 star summer read for 2023. I’m thankful that I got it in before the school year starts up again. If you read this hopefully you could agree with or maybe even understand how I ranked this book the way I did.

Sincerely,

A fellow opinionated book lover

P.S. some of my favorite quotes

“If I close my eyes I can smell the colors green and yellow”

“Heaven is a boy in a treehouse, with cold hands and a warm heart.”

#books #books & libraries #bookshelves #bookish #book review #book quotes

[ginnsbaker]

https://www.tumblr.com/ginnsbaker/720963002130710528/i-hate-reader-so-much-like-all-of-their-actions

Hii so I don’t have an emoji but can i be 🧃(if its taken let me know and I’ll pick something else) and im just gonna reply to some of the things you said :)

I get the delayed onset ptsd thing because it actually happened to me after a really bad relationship and I didn’t even realise i had ptsd until i was in therapy (partly cos i thought i was being overly dramatic 💀)

Also i kinda feel like the only anon who isn’t actually mad at piet because even tho he cheated himself in that situation hes playing a role much more important to him and thats protective brother which is made worse by the fact his sister is his only family left and she almost died EVEN WORSE the same way as a parent

Im glad you said something about yelena being fucked up cos no one else was and I thought it was just me i definitely agree shes the least fucked up so far but that isn’t hard when wanda and reader are right there i think yelena is in love with the idea of reader and who they once were rather than who they are now like reader is not the same one yelena loved all those years ago but she doesn’t see that. Everything you said in your response about yelena makes sense to me i think we’ve all at one point thought we could “fix” someone or at least tried and in my circumstances that never ends well because you can’t fix people like that especially not when they don’t help themselves. One of my favourite quotes is “sometimes, we have to be broken down so that we can be rebuilt into what we’re actually meant to be” and i think that’s what’s happening here the reader has been completely torn down until their last atom and trying to feel whole without rebuilding. I think that quote could also apply to reader and wanda’s relationship in a way. But yeah i get why yelenas sticking it out we’ve all done it with someone who definitely didn’t deserve us but love makes you do weird things especially while you still have the rose tinted glasses on i hope for her sake she takes them off soon

I haven’t got too much to say about wanda (surprisingly) but you’re right and that quote from the perks of being a wallflower has been in my head while reading this for a while now. You’ve also made me think more about my views on cheating because until i read your book i never thought I could forgive a cheater but there’s something about the way you wrote wanda that makes me want to and that was from really early on probably when reader is talking to nat and wanda comes i think in the diner. I can’t really explain why i think part of it is because in my own experience when my gf cheated on me the thing that bothered me the most was I couldn’t tell what parts of my relationship were real and all the times she said she loved me i had been lied to. In wanda’s case for some reason i still don’t think she ever lied about loving the reader and i know thats a contradiction because she cheated but theres just something that makes me think that and part of it might be i still don’t understand her reason for cheating and like i said am waiting for a big hoaxy reveal that is was blackmail or smth because thats how little it makes sense. I was actually planning on keeping this part brief so my bad 😂 but i hope she has therapy and learns to view herself better and accept love and i mean read love not being used.

Reader is definitely the villain of the story i know theyre trying to hold it together but surely they must realise the damage they are causing snd the GIANT need for therapy

🧃 Emoji is yours :) I don't have many anons yet, so much of the emojis are still available.

I'm sorry to hear about the bad relationship you had. No one deserves to go through it, although it happens to a lot of us. But thank god, we're survivors, aren't we?

Yeah, thank you for saying that on Piet's behalf. I'm an only child, but that only made me more protective of my friends who I treat as my siblings. My best friends have all cheated on their partners at one point in their lives and I had numerous fights with them for it, but at the end of the day, I'm their ride or die, I will protect them at all cost.

Well, said about Yelena. Can't really add anything more to that.

Re: Wanda - with your own experiences, I think the greatest struggle is the trust. That was the one that was broken, not the love. (Am I correct?) You can't trust your past, your present and your future. And that is such a struggle when you love someone, but you're not certain if it's real for them. Thanks for sharing something so personal, even if you're on anon.

I'm going to tell you as early as now, there's no big, shocking reveal that will make you think "oh, so i get why she cheated, because of that reason, maybe i'll give her a pass". Like you said, the cheating makes little sense. And that's the biggest conflict in the story-> it doesn't make sense, why do it?

The only reveal I can spoil is Wanda's own fucked up childhood and the little issues she has with her marriage to R that piled up unknowingly. R is good, and faithful and supportive, but it doesn't mean you can 100% supply all your partner's needs. Like I said, in IFISS which was told in R's perspective, R thought her marriage was perfect and loving. But did Wanda feel the same?

Whew that was long! But I live for these kinds of discussions, because I haven't let any friends in real life read this story, lol not even my gf cause she's not really a reader.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts :) hope to hear from you in the next chapter.

#ilgoss asks #🧃 anon

[ffsmnrk1989]

A POST ON BETRAYAL

Originally posted on Reddit, QuoteV, and deviantArt.

(I had wanted to put this as part of a larger overall post over at FB, but after several discoveries early April, and the fact that I’ve become an absolute Lazy Susan from what happened to me last year, I’ve chosen to go ahead and put it now.)

You say you remember me? That’s fine, because I remember you. But first, how do you remember me? Oh, no, wait, lemme take a guess: as the “fren” you knifed in the back when he did one little slip-up by liking a status from a person he himself doesn’t really like? While he was begging for your help? The same “fren” you left to rot while his account got hacked, then deactivated? Because that's what I remember you doing.

You couldn’t even forgive me for liking that post? And yet I'm the fake Buddhist? When I tried to reassure you with the truth (and that was that myself and Conor weren’t friends just because I like one of his posts which I actually agreed with), you went ballistic on me and attacked me for doing so, and then hypocritically compared that to me “flipping out” for you talking with that psycho of a woman Joyce Ann Sobeck.

I find those comments, quite frankly, disingenuous in light of the fact that I ALWAYS forgave your slip-ups (as befits a real Buddhist), and that we had the longer friendship.... or so I thought until now.

And you have the balls to say I saw what Conor was doing, and did nothing about it?! OK, let me remind you of a few things. First off, I didn’t meet you until September-October 2013, when I was already getting back to the HA! fandom, and even then I MET YOU THROUGH CONOR; never you first, then Conor. Second, I only found out after you were forced to delete your account back in March 2014, remember that? And by the time we found out, I could do nothing about it, because I was mainly busy (apart from my attempts at going back to college) with the taking back of the original OpRuth group, a situation caused by your Secret Lover Joyce and her 8 goons. Only from October 2014 could I finally do something, and I strived to keep both you and Conor apart because I got flashes of his assholery in January that year; and yet it was you who asked me to bring you two back, against my better judgement and even my outspoken refusal to do so. So don’t fucking tell me I let you get hurt by him, when the truth is the complete OPPOSITE.

You know, I’m beginning to get a horrifying picture, which I had hope it isn’t true, but with each passing day especially after seeing something a friend of mine showed me, I’m finally starting to believe it might be true: both you and Joyce are responsible for my account getting hacked. I guess your Secret Lover figured since she couldn’t take me down the easy way, by undermining my rights to speak about what happened to me, she decided to hack my account and disable it. For WHAT -- for $200 fucking dollars?! How fucking greedy can you be for that? I’ve since managed to regain some control of it, but now I’ve begun to realise a horrible truth. To borrow a movie quote: one of the people I cared about the most in this world, and needed the most in my darkest hour, only wants my ruin.

You left me to rot, while my account was hacked and disabled; and then, when you conveniently appeared, you complain about giving my like to a post I happened to agree with.

Do you know I tried to off myself because of my account being hacked?! My mom had to stop me from committing that ultimate folly from which I was driven to by both that action and my uncle’s words, which didn’t help either. What had been done to me was like killing a child you loved! That FB account was/is like a child to me: I spent over 14 years getting that account to what it was/is to the present day. Only for some ASSHOLE to take my joy from me. If I find out that indeed it was you and Joyce who destroyed my account.... How do you sleep at night, knowing you’ve taken one of my biggest joys in my life?

Both of you ruined my life. Because it was through you, kiddo, that I got hitched with a psychopath; and it was through said psycho that I probably have a lot of trust issues and probably PTSD.

You, former bestfren, ruined my life.

You’re like that song by Héroes del Silencio, “Entre Dos Tierras”, which I’ve taken to quote recently, in light of you putting me in a bad spot, while, again, I was begging for help. For you to refuse to help me and leave me to rot shows that you’re not loyal.

Time and again, I forgave you because it was the Buddhist thing to do, thus proving (and I’m not being narcissistic here, far from it) I’m more Buddhist than you ever were. You claim to supposedly follow the Buddhist teachings, yet, again, you couldn’t find it in your heart to forgive one little slip-up, while I forgave your countless ones? Can someone say “hypocrite”?

This begs the question: what did I ever do to you? What did I ever do to you? Never before had I been treated so lousily as you two have; what the hell did I do to deserve not just my account being hacked by you, but your horrible treatment of me in general? Exist? I’m not gonna stop existing just because you and Joyce don’t want me to.

What makes this even infinitely worse is that I VOUCHED for your sorry ass time and time again! When other people said you weren’t worth it, I vouched for you! And then you went and knifed me! How you gonna punk me like that, huh?

I’m beyond disgusted, kiddo. Disgust doesn’t even begin to cover what I feel right now. You sold me out to someone you knew I despised, knowing full well what she had done to me and others. And yet you still had the balls to put me in convos (except for the one for TJM, which I joined, ‘cause hey, it’s TJM, what we fought so hard for since 2013!) knowing I didn’t wanna talk (and rightfully so!) with someone who betrayed me, who did a lot of damage to me. And still you let her verbally and mentally abuse me. No, Adrian Michael Pridemore, disgust doesn’t cover the bases of how I feel; it’s an emotion which we Buddhists shouldn’t have, but I can’t help but feel towards you now: HATRED.

Hatred because you let her verbally and mentally abuse me, and yet you did nothing to stop it. Hatred because you still put me in convos with her, knowing full well how she treated me until June 26, 2015. Hatred because you, apparently, conspired with her to try to destroy not just my spirit, but my body as well -- that attempt to off myself I blame on not just my uncle, but on you, because I needed your help, and I was cast at sea.

You have no soul, no heart, no conscience. Neither you, nor Joyce.

I find it hard to keep thinking about things I’d like to say, so let’s sum it up: You’ve got ZERO right to attack me for one slip-up and not forgiving me for that (since you claim to be a Buddhist, even worse), while I was always the better man forgiving you for your slip-ups and giving you many chances to do right by me as I’d do right by you. And if, and I mean if, it turns out you did, alongside Joyce, the absolute worst thing to me (hacking into my main FB account and disabling it) because you couldn’t stand me telling the truth about Joyce.... Hoo boy, I hope you have a good lawyer to help you beat the rap!

To tidy matters up: remember I told you back last year that this was your last chance to be a good person? Guess what? By going 'round my back, attacking me by mocking my attempts at asking for forgiveness, you’ve proven that not only are you still allied with Joyce, but you also treated me like a fucking jerk. I see now I never meant anything to you but a sucker. You saw me as a sucker back in 2014, by tying me with someone who could never be trusted.

Never again will I forgive you.

Never again will I give you another chance.

You’ve blown your chances with me, burnt the bridges.

And now, you’re just like the song: now you’re just somebody that I used to know.

Frens NO MORE.

FRANCO FERRER-SAN MIGUEL Started 4/21/2022 Finished 6/2 the same year.

Namu Butsu, namu Hô, namu Sôgya. (I take Refuge in the Buddha; I take Refuge in the Dharma; I take Refuge in the Sangha.)

Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo, Namu myôhô renge kyo.

Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki,Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki, Nenpi Kannon riki.

[kiaracarrera]

23

For this question alone I had to add another number to the original ask game because I have so so many quotes I think deserve attention from both the book and the series.

Favourite quote/line from the show? -

“Girls aren’t supposed to know if we’re pretty or not, we’re supposed to wait for other people to tell us before we’re allowed to feel it about ourselves but isn’t that bullshit, because we’re all beautiful in our own ways”

“What’ll you give me if I do” 🫠😮‍💨

“There were times this summer where I felt like I didn’t know my own heart, but one thing I do know for sure - I will always come back to this place and these people.”

“You shut up!… you do look good though” 🥺

“Come on Belly, Conrad can look after Nicole, let’s go inside and look at ourselves in the mirror some more” ICONIC

“I’m sure they’re not going to have loud sex” 💀 and “The bitch is here” 😂

“Boys might come and go but a best friend is once in a lifetime.”

“I got embarrassed I guess… Belly you don’t know the effect you have on people” followed by “Yeah you do” 😩😩😩

And pretty much the entire dialogue from the Jeremiah/Belly pool scene. Like ALL OF IT.

Favourite quote/line from the book -

I had to quickly find the annotated copy of my books from back in the day and these will probably be extended once I do a proper and full reread but for now:

“And no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from dreaming.”

“I didn't want to make the same mistake my parents made. I didn't want my love to fade away one day like an old scar. I wanted it to burn forever.”

“I love Jere—he’s like a brother to me. But you’re my little sister. You come first.”

“And then there was Jeremiah. When I looked at Jeremiah, I saw past, present, and future. He didn’t just know the girl I used to be. He knew the right-now me, and he loved me anyway.”

Conrad had some of the most iconic quotes/lines and narrowing it down was hard. Literally any time he admitted his love for Belly made me feel things and I’m not going to include things from his letters because we’d truly be here all day, but the following two are imo two of Conrad’s most iconic scenes/lines for different reasons but both v v valid.

“I laid myself fucking bare last night! I put it all out there, and you shut me down. Rightfully so. I get that I shouldn’t have said any of that stuff to you. But now here I am trying to find a way to come out of this with just a little fragment of pride so I can look you in the eye when this is all over, and you won’t even let me have that. You broke my heart last night, all right? Is that what you want to hear?”

“I would rather have had someone shoot me in the head with a nail gun, repeatedly, than have to watch the two of them cuddling on the couch together all night.”

Edit: Oh fuck it, I couldn’t have this post and not include what I think are two of the most important part of the letters.

1) “Also—in case I haven’t made it clear … I think about you a lot. You’re pretty much all I think about. Just so we’re clear.”

2) “Apparently, he misses you irrespective of that fact that you left him behind. He feels lost without you. I’m serious, that’s what he told me. Pathetic, right? So here he is. Be nice to him, will you?” - We all agree that Junior Mint was a projection of Conrad’s own feelings right?????

#Bro that was a lot I’m sorry but not really #if you haven’t read the books yet I hope that convinced you #the summer I turned pretty #TSITP #Conrad fisher #Jeremiah fisher #belly conklin #Isabel conklin

[splathousefiction]

Into The Wild: R/GoneWildAudio

Trigger Warning:

The following article will discuss grooming, racial bias, violence and more. Reader discretion is heavily advised.

I have spent over a month gathering witness testimony from users of r/GoneWildAudio. Quotes when given are word for word what was relayed to me from sources, all of which will be kept in total confidence. Any information that is not eye witness testimony is publicly available with a google search.

“I want you to fuck me so hard my neck snaps against the bathroom stall”.

It’s been close to seven, eight years since I got that Twitter DM.

I still remember it vividly.

Because the person that had sent it to me was supposed to be a friend.

They had interviewed me for their podcast back when I still did Magic: The Gathering content. I’d felt safe with them, knowing absolutely nothing else about them save the face they showed the public. I consented to the interview and started it with a crude joke. Even back then, the persona I played on air danced around horny concepts and potty humor. It was all an act. Anyone that actually worked directly with me or knew me could attest to that.

That’s not what this person got out of it however.

The messages started up the same week. Boring small talk at first, but it quickly escalated into them sending me nudes, salacious texts and more. All without my consent or prompting. At first, I played dumb. Being a “himbo” has gotten me out of trouble more times than I care to count. Then came the point they dragged my partner at the time into it.

So, I went off.

I threatened to post full screenshots. I threatened to tell everyone that would listen. I told them I’d talk about it on the podcast I was a part of at the time. We had a massive audience. It would kill their career overnight.

They huffed and left me alone after that. Started horrid rumors about me, the whole nine. Some people agreed with them. Random people I’d never spoken to would hop in my mentions calling me all sorts of things. I never acted on any of the things I’d say I would do. They were a prominent community figure. I was the “shock jock” of our podcasting circle.

And, as they said: “Nobody is going to believe you”.

I left the MTG community behind entirely a year or so later. Maybe two. At that point I’d seen its face, I’d seen my stalker/harasser have a fast-tracked career. I watched as one of our largest cosplayers was doxxed and people sided with her harasser. Whatever disillusionment I had about the community had been shattered into a million pieces.

It was one of the last times I consciously put effort into aligning myself with a collective online.

My stalker/harasser, the person who was the primary reason I stopped attending in-person events at all, wasn’t outed from the community until 2020. When someone finally leaked screenshots and the entire network of abuse they had orchestrated. The day it happened, friends from that era of my life reached out. They told me they were glad I was okay.

That they wish they had listened to me.

Day late and a dollar short folks, but thanks I guess.

I’m ashamed to admit it happened, even still.

I’m more ashamed that it was the second time it had occurred.

I don’t mention the above to garner pity or sympathy, but to illustrate a key fact about how communities will often overlook the worst in their midst to keep the “machine” rolling. If your harasser is a prominent part of the community, if they’ve aligned themselves with movements that are inherently “good”, they often can move with impunity. They can continue to be a wolf tearing at the flock for years to come. “Cancel Culture” isn’t real and it never has been, for if one instance of it was true I wouldn’t be writing this at all. I wouldn’t feel compelled to talk about another era of my life, the reasons I left, and why I felt compelled to write this editorial in the first place.

This isn’t a hit piece, this isn’t an expose. This isn’t even a word of warning.

All of what you’re about to read started with the simple question of why.

MTG Twitter and content production wasn’t the last time I willingly became a part of an online subculture. The real, actual last time that happened was R/GoneWildAudio on Reddit. I was there for almost two years, from 2018 to the summer of 2019 or 2020. This is brief for many who are familiar with the subreddit or contribute to it; however, my few years there both elevated my career to new heights while making me omnipresently aware of the exploitation, insecurity, harassment and real world danger that surrounds GWA. I left after one critical event, giving my piece in a community thread  in which the painfully small moderation staff was attempting to quell growing flames.

I thought that would be it.

I was confident that I could close that chapter, and move on.

Yet here I am now, after spending roughly a month talking to people, studying sub reddit traffic and more. I’m faced once again with the realization that I am not alone, nor were my negative experiences there isolated. Unlike last time, I’m not afraid. I’m motivated to act as quickly as I can to answer that question, worming its way through my gray matter.

Why GWA?

Reddit, Age Gating Content And Responsibility

Reddit is one of the largest and most popular social networks on the face of the earth, rivaling only Twitter and Facebook in respective visits per day.

In the modern era, Reddit is stylized as a place that caters to every interest regardless of how niche. Your lust for a certain anime character and weird Audacity question can have equal footing in their respective communities, with responses from actual people and auto-moderation/bots. This seems an ideal circumstance for independent creators and large corporations alike, as creating a subreddit for your whatever can instantly allow you audience reach.

Users can also operate in relative anonymity. Account creation requires only an email account, and there’s always the option to create a “throwaway” right from the user control panel. You can also surf as a guest if you see fit. Security for account creation works via passwords and two factor authentication. Beyond this however, personal and community safety is left up to dubious moderation staff and individuals.

This creates a paradox for adult communities on Reddit, as there’s no true age gating or ID checks before users join. There’s the atypical “are you 18+? This community is NSFW” that pops up, which everyone simply lies to. Legally, this is all above board. However, it also very openly lays bare the possibility for NSFW reddits to be widely available to minors-who sometimes engage with the community via content creation.

I want to stress that this isn’t unique to reddit. Just in the last few months, the NSFW twitter community has seen several prominent personalities out themselves as underage. However when comparing Twitter and Reddit, the contrast is in sheer volume. Twitter has billions of users. A NSFW subreddit if it’s popular can have anywhere from ten to a hundred to a few thousand users. The capacity for a minor to both gain the trust of the community and lie to moderation (which waffles between non-existent and “a hand wave”) on Reddit is exponentially higher. Moderators are human, and will make judgment calls accordingly.

With a disposable email and hand hewn identity, users can engage in spaces they absolutely shouldn’t, thus endangering themselves and the entire community in the process.

Such is the case with GoneWildAudio, one of the most popular erotic audio subreddits on the site. GWA features a pop up window to confirm you’re legally of age, and asks for a vocal timestamp verification for performers.

That’s it.

And this is more than other subreddits even attempt.  

As a vocal talent myself, I can’t even begin to stress how incredibly fucking easy this is to bypass. With a bit of practice an amatuer could easily pitch-shift their voice and sound far older than they are. If they were especially crafty, they could also pull it off in an audio editor. Mic quality would also come into play here-overwhelmingly, the users on GWA do not have proper or professional set ups. A shitty cell phone mic recording could make a user sound far older than they really are.

The possibility of there being content created by minors on GWA is  “above zero”, which is a non-negotiable dangerous risk for anyone involved in the adult community.  The responsibility for ensuring proper age gating and safety for the community has failed everyone at every single level. The question of who is responsible for ensuring this isn’t as sticky as it seems.

If Reddit is going to allow adult content on the site, proper age gating such as what Fansly, OnlyFans and others use is paramount. However, Reddit sitewide moderation has a horrid reputation for ensuring NSFW doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. As Reddit won’t even remove illegal content on their own site unless it breaks the news, the chances of site moderation acting are incredibly low. As such, moderation responsibilities often fall on individual sub reddits.

Which brings us to one of the largest things users will notice about GWA right off the bat: It’s moderation is next to non-existent by adult industry standards, and dangerously ineffective given a subreddit of it’s size.

This is a fairly recent issue. GWA swelled during COVID-19 lockdowns and now sits at around one million members, a point of pride for them. Membership doesn’t translate into real-world traffic on the sub however. Over a three week period, I checked online membership during peak EST hours. The average per-day was somewhere around 4.5k-5k users online, without accounting for people surfing as guests (there’s literally no easy way to track that on my end). While this is a miniscule fraction of the active user base, that’s still a few thousand people. Logic would dictate a dedicated moderation staff available at least during peak hours to ensure member safety, especially given the open (and legally dangerous) possibility of minors accessing adult content.

That’s absolutely not the case.

As of this writing, there are currently eight active moderators. You can view the current list of moderators here.

Eight moderators for thousands of possible users is, simply put, disastrously insufficient by any stretch of the imagination. This grows exponentially worse if you believe the by-line of “a million active members”. Even given the use of auto-moderation via bots, this isn’t enough people. If for no other reason than ensuring the safety of their own members, having a moderation staff of under ten people willfully endangers casual audience members and performers alike. To translate this into real-world application, a site receiving this much traffic would likely have a dual-purpose department of at least fifteen to twenty.

At eight individuals, who are both likely unpaid and likely have real-world lives/jobs to get to, the end result is a moderation staff that is heavily overworked, untimely in remedying emergency situations and difficult to approach at all. A staff of eight people to handle thousands isn’t sufficient enough to ensure a democratic and unbiased use of moderator responsibilities.

I’d know.

Over the last two months, I put out a call on twitter for audience members, moderators and performers to speak to me about their experiences with GWA. I received roughly thirty three detailed responses from across the spectrum, save for the moderation staff itself. As promised, these responses will be kept in full confidence and not quoted here. If one of my sources feels confident telling their story publicly, they’ve my support. I received written testimony, screenshots from discord servers and more. Responses came from a diverse data set as well. Many BIPOC, queer people, audience members and performers reached out.

There were common observations in every single message:

The Moderation Staff of GWA Is Inherently Biased: One common thing I heard from the performers that spoke to me is that certain community members were held to a radically different standard than the rest of the community simply due to their prominence. While this does occur in any community one might find to some degree, the GWA mod staff has a history of allowing abusive, actively predatory, racist and otherwise biggoted performers the freedom to remain. This was cited by every single BIPOC and queer respondant I spoke with. A single person saying this would be concerning, but repeated evidence has made it abundantly clear that the mods of GWA will turn a blind eye if a performer drives subreddit (or affiliated subreddit) traffic up.

The Moderation Staff Will Not Act Unless Moved By Outside Forces: The story of F_Stop_Fitzgerald was one I heard about on Twitter well before the GWA staff made a public post. F-Stop_Fitzgerald, who lived in Toronto, was a school teacher and member of GWA who created teacher-student centric content. He was caught trying to lure children and in possession of child pornography. The literal headline breaking story was well known on twitter for roughly 48 hours before the GWA staff made a post about the incident, encouraging victims to come forward and offering anonymous resources for witness testimony.

Curiously, a moderator mentioned that they were aware underage users were on the sub reddit and that “we don’t care if you broke the rules, we’re here to help”.

While I understand where they were coming from, this coincidently confirms that the mod staff is aware of the non-zero chance that minors are on the subreddit yet again and will likely not act to remove them unless it’s brought to their attention. Their attention, which is sparse, given their already overwhelming workload. While proper age gating likely wouldn’t have prevented Fitzgerald’s predatory antics, the fact that the mod staff was both aware of minors and not proactively preventing situations like this from even having the chance to occur with the absolute bare-minimum legal compliance is incidentally malicious by association.

The legal precedent for that falls not on them however, but Reddit itself, which cannot and will not risk losing it’s user base overnight ala Tumblr-style age gating and content requirements.

Fitzgerald absolutely hasn’t been the only case of predators making use of the subreddit either. Several of the people I spoke with were victims of targeted harassment, sexually predatory conduct and more. In more than one instance they went to the mod staff, who made excuses for performers because of their prominence within the community. An investigation was promised, and the performer was allowed to continue to post. In one case, it was even suggested that the victim simply “tag that performer out”.

When did people actually experience results?

When they went to twitter directly with screenshots, left to fend for themselves against the onslaught of harassment by supporters for performers who refused to see what was before their very eyes. Then and only then did the GWA Modstaff decide to act, and rarely was someone banned from the subreddit for their actions. It’s the popular belief that Fitzgerald received banning at all simply because he broke international news.

This led to the creation of several twitter accounts, such as ConfessionsGWA and others. On these pages news broke about several GWA performers who were abusing their positions within the community to get away with everything from exploitation of labor to far worse. There’s a 41 page google doc with screenshots. The catalyst for the creation of CGWA seemed to be Tom Banter, who was openly allowed back to GWA and GoneWildAudioGay after fetishizing BIPOC audience members, using sexual degredation on discord server members, and openly complaining that he had to tag his non-con audios with a “rape” tag.

To quote one of the GWA mods, “(Tom) has paid the price for his scandal so hopefully he’s reflected and learned his lesson”.

Tom continues to make audio to this day on Youtube and streams on Twitch.  He left reddit only after individuals came forward away from GWA, on twitter.

In response, GWA has scrubbed or archived any of Tom’s posts.

Never moving unless pushed from extrinsic platform sets a precedent of “the mods don’t care”, community wide.

GWA Is Inherently Focused On The Cis-Het White Male Gaze (And The Mods Still Don’t Care):

Literally every BIPOC performer and user I spoke with could cite multiple times off the top of their head that there was a push of their own to make GWA a more inclusive place. Or, at the least, a place that was safer for BIPOC performers to post without worry of a hostile, fetishizing or racist audience.

Nothing happened.

Either the mods would hand-wave away comments while promising nothing or simply not respond at all. During the height of BLM protests after the murder of George Floyd specifically, none of the respondents I spoke could recall any of the moderation staff working towards making black performers feel safer. Almost all of the respondents I spoke with cited that incident as what ultimately drove them from the platform.

This is tied in with the overwhelmingly stereotypical focus of BIPOC bodies within audio, specifically black women. Many of the sources I spoke with would remark about how overwhelmingly and aggressively sexualized they were for their race. Some respondents also pointed towards how several performers-such as KenteClothedTiger, Tombanter and others-would specifically focus on marketing themselves as an inclusive, BIPOC focused creator in order to lure in their victims.

The end result of this is a less diverse community as BIPOC people, sickened by the lack of mod action, rightfully leave. As the subreddit grows less diverse, it tends towards caucasion and cis-het focused content. Those alienated by gazing at the top posts are often told to head towards an affiliated subreddit, such as GoneWildGay and others. Which would seem an ideal solution, save that this funnels BIPOC and queer talent into an ever smaller nesting doll of potential audience reach.

It’s an insidious means of stifling BIPOC and queer voices.

So who does the responsibility for correcting any of this lie on?

Institutionally, Reddit as a platform first and foremost. Without getting into a discussion on internet privacy, release forms and proper legal compliance towards adult content, Reddit is incredibly unlikely to move. It costs less money to simply make Subreddits disappear when they break the news than to proactively ensure legal compliance with content creators and communities. What’s more, making their user base actively feel safe over simply making problems “vanish”.

Logically one would assume that the moderation staff of GWA would have a vested interest in, at the least, having an appropriate number of moderators to deal with the thousands deep user traffic (or what’s more, their “million strong” membership). Except they’ve done anything but that.

The latter here looks absolutely baffling to anyone with any understanding of how a community is run from the outside looking in. It begs the question of why a community would be run this way whatsoever, what kind of ideation would lead to leadership like this.

Which leads us to GWA’s second largest issue-it’s “amateur” marketed culture.

Free Content Isn’t Free: GWA’s Stalwart Refusal To Admit The Obvious

GoneWildAudio proudly proclaims itself as a community “for those aroused by sound”, where performers of all stripes and capability are invited to post their content. There’s an open mix of script writing, improv performances, “ramble faps” (listening to someone engage in self pleasure) and more. Recordings vary in quality from cell-phone static scratches to uploads professionally edited, scored and recorded.

Regardless of the amount of work put into these uploads, users are strictly forbidden from posting links to absolutely any services in which they might get compensated for their work. Because GWA’s culture insists that it’s “amateur” and not “professional” work.

This is alarmingly counterintuitive to creative culture period, but especially heinous as many people turned towards erotic audio and sex work during COVID 19 lockdowns, when GWA itself experienced it’s largest surge in traffic. People flooded the subreddit as they found themselves with unprecedented free time, hoping to find a community that would be a pathway towards substituting their strangled income.

Except their posts would be auto-yanked for linking to a twitter account, an additional platform for uploads and more simply for having a tip jar. As of my writing this, I was recently informed that a GWA mod convinced a new audio platform that GWA couldn’t use them despite their pro-NSFW attitude because the site itself asked for donations. A patently absurd idea that caused the site owners to reconsider featuring NSFW content at all (they still allow it as of this writing) and instead focusing on music.

The idea that anyone, amateur or not, doesn’t deserve to be compensated for their efforts, tipped or otherwise financially shown appreciation for their works is inherently exploitative to the core. Conflating successful efforts with make-believe, worthless upvotes doesn’t put food in the fridge, pay the light bill or student loans. What’s more, apathetic staff could even codify something within their own rules that would essentially hand-wave away responsibility. We are not held liable for anything beyond this subreddit page beyond harassment, et al.

Instead, “we are amateurs” is used as a shield, with exploitation of talent being rampant. Script writers get their works stolen, performed without credit and put behind paywalls (which, while strictly forbidden via GWAs rules, still happens regularly enough you could set a clock to it). Voice actors put hours of work into performing, engineering and scoring their works only for them to be vacuum-sucked onto this solitary platform (as linking to others could get the post yanked). New arrivals and hopeful content creators eager to join a community either get disillusioned and leave, or begin to view compensation as a kind of “selling out”.

This is especially rancid as GWA’s reputation casts an enormous shadow over the entire ero-audio community despite its quantifiably small reach. GWA is often where many of us begin or build our careers. I myself likely never would have met CMakesP, XytaMidnite and many of my regular clients had I not formally posted Splat Speaks there. I would be hard pressed to find a performer in erotic audio that didn’t start at GWA over youtube.

A community this small with a culture of  “you’re only a real artist if you’re starving”, lead by a staff that openly allows the continued predation of it’s user base, sounds like a fucking fever dream. It’s the kind of place that other adult performers would jump ship from. Many of us have.

Yet the specter of GWA still lingers on throughout the community by a falsely inflated reputation. Performers, platforms hopeful for the upload traffic and others take a single glance at that “million membership” mark and assume working with GWA will make or break their reputation.

GWA isn’t necessary to be an erotic vocal act, script writer or engineer. People simply use it because it’s the most convenient option by being a small, fractional part of one of the largest social media services in the world. People use it because they see the word “amateur” and assume that means them due to inexperience. Listeners use it because the tagging system is at least semi-functional.

All while the sub continues to exist only because of exploitive practices.

This is even more intolerable as GWA can’t provide safe platforms to upload content to. Soundgasm, long touted as the preferred platform for the sub (to the point it’s directly mentioned in their rules), had its content scrapped several times and uploaded without performer consent all over the web. I myself was a victim of this, as were dozens of other performers I know. It was only after this was repeatedly and loudly talked about on twitter that it was revealed how incredibly easy it was to download content directly from the service in MP3 quality. When the mod staff was approached about this, they failed to even assure their users with false security.

“These things happen”, they said.

Which is hilarious considering any other respective platform that also hosts “amateur” content often has provisions in their EULAs and rules that they’ll file DMCA claims on behalf of their users if their content gets stolen. They also often codify that the “amateurs” literally keeping the service alive (often with free content as well) inherently own the rights to their content. Even non-commercial sites like Archive of Our Own, allows “amateurs” to file complaints if their works are uploaded in a non-transformative fashion-and link to personal pages where you can be tipped. While Ao3 does allow scrapping, they’ve publicly stated they will take counter measures against it should it occur at the scale GWAs own scrape did.

Not to mention Soundgasm is a volunteer project maintained by a single person. What happens if one day they decide the hassle is no longer worth it? It hasn’t even been properly maintained in over eight years.

If GWA cannot and will not protect its own members, their content or even create a space that promotes professional growth, I find myself once again returning to the opening question of this editorial.

Why R/GoneWildAudio?

Concluding Statements, Observations And The Way Forward

The simple answer to that question is something GWAs entire reputation is built upon, but also something that can be easily templated over to a different service, a different subreddit, a different community:

Convenience.

That’s it.

People don’t use it because it’s safe. They don’t use it because the moderation is great. They don’t use it for the diverse array of BIPOC/Queer/Trans uploaded content, the inclusive community. They don’t use it in hopes of making some extra cash.

They use it because Youtube is a puritanical hell hole and they already have a reddit account. They use it because Twitter is overwhelming at billions of users and the nazis are also there. They use it because they can do so relatively anonymously, and the risk-reward calculation means they won’t get hurt. Maybe. Perhaps.

Unless they’re BIPOC or queer, in which case they’re always, always looking over their shoulder so long as they’re using the subreddit.

GWA exists because of convenience, is continued to be used because of convenience, and can be subsequently dropped if faced with competition that’s even a mild improvement, has even a slightly caring moderation staff or is creator-career friendly. It could disappear overnight should Reddit itself decide it no longer benefits the platform as a whole to have it. Even something as small as losing Soundgasm would have disastrous effects. A better tagging system could legitimately be enough to cause a shake up.

GoneWildAudio exists on a razors edge, ever a single strong wind away from being relegated to history. If that history proves good or ill is ultimately up to those framing the community through rules, policy and community action.

As of this writing, many of them have been absent for weeks.

-j

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#splathousefic #splathousefiction #editorial #r/gwa #r/gonewildaudio #reddit #asmr #audio

[27emailsicantsend]

Hi! Not the same anon but I was the one who notice the 2x12 scene everything started with me believing that the episode felt incomplete without a rina scene when they are part of the core four I send it to heartsgallery /post/693057935133310976/what-if-the-flashback-is-of-2x12-Ricky-finding I still believe it exists until the last second of 3x08 is done I will believe is there in the Mickey basement somewhere. I love how depending on the quote the FB could be different for you stand the 'no one+

Ok I’m going to answer two asks in one here, because they’re kind of along the same vein: the flashback.

I still think we have the potential for a flashback. I agree wholeheartedly with the first anon that it doesn’t make sense why we haven’t gotten one yet. The first time, kind of. It served as a good cliffhanger and left the audience wanting to know more. But I was SURE we were going to get it last episode and we just… didn’t?

And the theory you sent in the ask is SPOT ON. Ricky FULLY checked outside the hall when Miss Jenn asked if he was happy. There was no reason too? It wasn’t like he was waiting for someone or revealing some big secret. In fact, the larger heavier part of the conversation happened before he checked the hallway. So it would have made sense for him to check at the beginning of the convo, not the middle, unless he was remembering something or checking for SOMEONE. I also think the timing of when Gina was in the dressing room crying was off. My theory is, EJ told Ricky to not go after Gina. Maybe ricky got some big idea in his head and told EJ and EJ stopped him because he didn’t want ricky to cause gina anymore hurt. I think he did this after he friendzoned gina out of hurt and gina overhead, so she was crying again when Nini found her. This would make sense with the “no one should tell you who you can and cannot have a second chance with” convo AND EJ’s over the top frustration with ricky this season. Yes, ej knew gina had feelings for ricky since season one so the walk in the woods thing might have set him a little on edge this season. But if he knew the same night he was supposed to go on a date with gina and kissed gina was the same night he stopped ricky from going after her? That makes his big reactions and side comments a little more understandable (not justified, just understandable).

I TOO feel like there was something really big missing from this episode. I remember exactly the night I was watching that episode in my room. I was laying in bed and EJ and Gina walked to go kiss and then all of the sudden the cast was singing. I remember PAUSING the episode to look at the time stamp and saying OUTLOUD to myself, “that’s it??” Because it seemed SO short. Not only was it cut for the song at the end, but I remember feeling like 2B went downhill writing wise. It felt like COVID had not only shortchanged the writing but the time put into the episodes. Like they didn’t have enough material so they just kept what they could. I reacted outloud because I was just that shocked. However, I am kicking myself a bit this season. I found that the writing in 2B wasn’t bad at all. In fact, there was just a lot we hadn’t seen yet. The stories, plots, dialogue… everything is starting to come full circle this season. Which leads me to believe that yes, 2x12 was cut short for a reason. I think there is a scene missing. If there isn’t, then that’s ok. Everything still ~mostly~ makes sense. But Ricky’s line to Jet felt WAY too intentional for it to just be that Jet hadn’t been at the school and seen Rina’s year of development. I think, like Kristoff and Sven, Ricky is going to open up to Jet once and for all and we will see the whole thing about what happened. And it would be a REALLY cool flashback if it also happened in or near the dressing room to parallel Gina’s.

And if this flashback happens, I think we’ll also get a confession about ricky bringing the chocolates. It could be in the same flashback. He could accidentally slip up and say, “I think I’ve liked her this whole time. When you brought her to the dance, when I brought her the chocolates- oh no. 😳” It could be really easy to slip that into the flashback as well.

TLDR: I think a flashback is still on the horizon and it could go a million different ways. I would REALLY like for it to parallel Gina’s somehow though. I think that would show reciprocated feelings in a more cinematic way. And while Jet doesn’t know AS much, I think this would be a good way to cement Ricky and Jet’s friendship (Kristoff and Sven) by him opening up about something that he’s kept buried for awhile. It did the same thing when Gina told Ashlyn her flashback.

#rina #high school musical the musical the series #gina porter #ricky bowen #ricky x gina #theory #asks #send me asks #flashback #2 anons

[nilthonsjapaneselitblog]

Week 5 Blog

I Met You After the End of the World

Oniisanbomber

Pages Read: 181 - 208

World Count: 500

Summary:

At the end of the world, what is good and what is bad? After a lot of turns and detours, Sayaka and Yamada end up stranded in the mountains while they were heading further south of Japan because they were told winter was really bad in Kyoto as well. While looking for a car or something that allowed them to obtain fuel, they came across a shrine in the middle of the mountains. They soon found out that a monk was still living there. Failing to understand Sayaka’s intentions behind her gestures, Yamada agreed upon spending the night at the shrine. Later at night, Sayaka informed Yamada that she had learned from the conversation that they had with the monk that this was actually a part of a sect. Yamada didn’t want to believe this, but soon, the monk revealed his true desires—according to his deceased master, everyone in that world was impure and needed to be cleansed by joining the dead. At this, Sayaka had no choice but to kill the monk, given that the monk wouldn’t hesitate to kill them since he had already done that to many before. Afterwards, they finally arrived at their last destination, Kagoshima.

(200)

Critical Analysis:

"Killing someone never gets any easier. Even when the monk was threatening our lives, I hesitated to pull the trigger. It was only for a fraction of a moment, but I still hesitated." This quote actually shows something very important; that Sayaka isn’t a cold murderer. In the end, she is still a young woman, and a person. While she had killed people before—later specified to be three in total with the monk—she had done so only when it was a kill-or-be-killed situation, and even then, she hesitated at killing the other person even when this had intentions of killing her or Yamada, who she cared very much, and she also got a repulsive feeling after doing so that make her throw-up. 

(122)

Personal Response:

Whoa. . . I definitely didn’t expect the last person they encountered in the story to be a psycho. And yes, death keeps on following the main characters whenever they go. That said, my guess was off—thankfully—and the story didn’t have a bad ending—this was actually surprising. Yes, with these last events, Sayaka and Yamada finally arrived at their last destination in the story and therefore it ended. Though, while the story didn’t end with a bad ending, it still wasn’t very satisfying. The end of the story was open-ended. It didn’t have a concrete ending, and therefore it was left in the air what happened after they were about to settle down in the deserted city of Kagoshima. It was like the story would have a second volume—which it doesn’t. Surprisingly, Sayaka tells a part of her past to Yamada which she had kept hidden up until the very end of the story. It was the tragic story of how she had originally obtained her gun, and the first person she was forced to kill in order to survive.

(178)