#the helmets too fuuuck

[stararch4ngelqueen]

Impatience

Time Written- 5:57 a.m

Jason Todd/fem!reader smut (yes, the helmet comes off)

His modulated rasps vertebrates along your back, fully plated muscles pressed firmly along against backbone, becoming the hard wall compared the soft mattress you were trapped against.

“How’s it feel, pretty girl? Feel good, huh? Fuuuck, thought of this pretty little pussy since the second I left. Just can’t help myself.”

Euphoric drops refused to stop trailing down your cheeks, blinding your vision from the silk pillow that caught most of your tears.

Six years ago, the idea of him using you as such erratic, heavily erotic stress relief would’ve made you wince with a furious blush.

You were enclosed in, too closed in to slip a hand down in between your sweaty body and the warm mattress to give your clit additional stimulation. Not that you particularly needed it.

His broad hips ground against your plush ass perfectly, heavy balls slapping against your sobbing cunt. The head of his dick perfectly brushing against your cervix nearly nonstop, drawing endless noises from your mouth, ranging from short yelps to loud, drawn out cries.

Red Hood; with a cock so good he knew just how to use it without even trying.

You didn’t go out to dinner the night before and have a man ogle at your choice of black slip dress, with thin silver chains for sleeves.

You didn’t stroll alongside Jason at a downtown Gotham park on a warm summer evening, catching attention via the faint sheen of sweat along your neck, decorating your faint show of cleavage from your tank top.

You most definitely didn’t rouse this man off the edge by your simple choice of sleepwear, a loose white shirt and a cherry, seductive red lace panty.

As if you didn’t purposely wear that for his viewing pleasure.

It wasn’t Jason being jealous, so to say. To put it politely, it was Jason being overbearing.

Chest nearly melted against your back, burly muscles keeping you trapped against soft cushion, his words contracting the brutality of his relentless pace.

“Please, baby,” he grunts, his modulated voice shooting firefly kisses along your skin. “Please, lemme use this pussy. Been a hard night.”

This could’ve happened after he dragged his heavy boots into a hot shower, but no. While he could’ve washed the night’s worth of sweat and grime off his body, yours was the only priority on his mind. All this beast of a man had done was pull grab you by your hips and adjust your body flat, yank himself free from his constrictive pants before stuffing his fat, aching cock between your thighs. His balls full and heavy after hours of aggravated patrol.

The grunt that rumbled through his modulated speaker forced a tingle of fresh slick to seep from your lips as he fucked your thighs, dampening that sexy underwear in seconds. A short chuckle followed after from feeling it, quickly filled out by another groan as he made do with hooking his finger through one of the lace flowers decorated along your ass, anchoring the hole large enough to fully rip the not so affordable fabric.

His gloved hands gripped hold of the back of your shirt collar, yanking the fabric apart in seconds, exposing your bare skin to the cool bedroom air. Scratchy, gloved hands rubbed along your over sensitive nipples before trailing downwards, quickly leaving muted fingerprints along your hips.

Four years of knowing him, one year of missing him, followed by another year of dating him, you knew very well by now that Jason wasn’t as patient as he presented and enforced himself to be.

No, especially not with you.

“Christ, that’s my good little girl, taking this dick like a champ.”

Devilish grunts against your freshly shampooed hair, his musk fully invading your senses as he straddles the back of your hips, bracing his dirty boots along your bedsheets as he fucks you like an expensive whore.

He drew climax after climax from you so very easily, catching your quivering cries in the palm of his gloved hand. Stale gunpowder filled your nose, his meaty forearm playing a rest to keep your head and neck supported.

You weren’t sure when exactly his helmet came off, never registering the dull thud of it carelessly tossed onto the pillow beside yours. Pale, milky eyes glared into yours, reminding you of the persona who’s hands crushed necks and broke bones, now using you as a pretty little cockslut he’d dote on for the rest of the morning after he’s positive you’re fully bred till sunrise.

He halts his persistent thrusting after your body settled into overstimulation, removing his palm to give you a chance to breathe. He didn’t completely stop, using his knees for leverage to grind his pelvis against you, the tip of his aching, perfectly angled cock brushing against all your sensitive spots perfectly.

His lightly stubbled cheek brushed against yours, his wet tongue licking the sickening saltiness of your sweat and tears, gutturally grunting from the lustful ambrosia your body provided him.

He makes a show of biting the tip of his gloved, middle finger out of the corner of your teary eye, spitting his glove off to the side before caressing your side, dipping his fingers underneath your stomach.

Just the slightest brush of his index finger against your long neglected clit made you buck your ass back against his hips, making Jason smirk at your involuntary, full bodied whimper.

“Think you got another one in ya, sweetheart?”

#Jason Todd #jason todd x y/n #Jason Todd smut #Jason Todd x reader smut #jason todd x reader #jason todd x fem!reader #it’s smut #it’s good stuff #he’s my comfort character #for many reasons #got inspired by big burly Jason images

[knifefightandchill]

So, I've officially decided not to do pyramid head for eccc this year. My props are too heavy and I really need to fix them up. The helmet is literally peeling on the edges from banging it around.

In fact, I really need to rebuild the helmet because it's so heavy. ( I needed a tube sock full of dry beans as a counter weight last time and it fuuucked my neck.)

Plus my body image is hella shit rn so I don't want to wear the dress. Like I had a hard enough time convincing myself to even cosplay leon, but we're def still doing him. Probably 3 of the days.

#personal #eccc2024 #listen i was already over and gained a little more over the last year instead of losing but listen it happens #and regardless i genderbend it anyways and I'm 5'4 like accuracy be fuckin damned. #i always preach cosplay is for everyone and then rip myself apart 🫠🫠🫠 #vent

[rexsjaigeyes]

Just want to be double teamed by Fives and Echo while both of them are wearing their ARC trooper armor including the helmets pls and thank you

-peg

YES PEG, YOU GET ME!! When I see men in armor and helmets I go 🥴🥴

But also peg you have impeccable timing because I'm about to post my Echo x reader x Fives fic in the next hour or so 😏

They might not be in their armor this time but... maybe next time that might be a possibility.

#also fr tho why is their armor so hot #the helmets too fuuuck #i have a mask kink ok dont judge me #thirst thots #peg anon

[fandom-blackhole]

Sinful Sunday

AN: just a quick note saying sorry this is later than usual, and that i wrote all of these after getting pissed off at my internet lmao. But seriously it took me an hour to write and format the ship I answered because of my internet being shit. I am going to get back to answering ships later, I just got frustrated, sorry...

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Subby!Din Djarin x Reader, Boba Fett x Reader

Din Djarin x Reader

We got some sexy sub Din thots this week babes....

So for this thot I don't really have much other than the act itself. So imagine sitting propped up against the headboard of a bed completely naked with Din sitting across from you fully clothed sand armor, and erection straining and tenting the front of his flight suit. The 'game' is that while you touch yourself, however you want, and Din has to watch the entire time only allowed to touch himself over his clothes and he's not able to cum. If he does cum before your finished he doesn't get to touch you, but if he doesn't cum then he gets to have his way with you anyway he would like. You start slow with your touches, making sure that he has a clear view of everything you are doing. Teasing your nipples until the are hard and gasping out slightly. Slowly trailing your hand down your stomach, loving how Din's helmet is following its slow movements. When you push a single finger inside of you, thats when you hear Din give a slight groan, as he can see just how wet you were.  Then you added a second finger before you start pushing them in and out of slowly, making sure to take your time, wanting to draw this out as much as possible. Then you move your slick fingers to circle around you clit as you throw your head back and moan out Din's name. You keep the slow circling, teasing yourself as Din watches keeping your lips parted so Din could watch as your walls clenched around nothing. Then you heard leather pressing against fabric and when you look up, eyes halflidded from pleasure, and you 'meet' Din's eyes as he watches your face you grown and buck into your finger tips as your finger brushes over your swollen clit. Then you hear his whispering as his hand rubs and squeezes himself over his pants, "ple-ease, fuck, fuuuck sweet gi-irl, please please pleasepleaseplease...." Watching his hand you can't help but to speed up your movements whimpering and moaning. As you got closer and closer to your peak you started talking, no filter, just whatever came to mind, "Din, oh fuck, Din, you want to fuck me? Yeah baby, you want to pound this wet pussy? All wet and tight for you? Oh fuuckkk, Din, oh maker, it feels so good.....but not as good as you, your fingers, your cock, fuck your mouth.....oh kriff, I am gonna cum, oh maker im gonna-" And as you cum your eyes roll back as your body tenses and you moan out Din's name. By the time you come too, still breathing heavily, you just find Din staring at your hand that is still buried between your folds, his shoulders slumped, and his hand clutching a much less pronounced tent in his pants that now had a sizable wet spot. When Din finally lifts his head to look you in the eye, you just give him a fake pout and tell him, "Oh, baby, I wanted you to fuck me senseless, but I guess thats not happening now. Come on let's go get cleaned up so we can go to bed."

Boba Fett x Reader

Soooo this is a combined THOT from @fuckyeahbeskar and I, though most credit goes to her. But we were talking about how sexy Boba and Paz's bellies were and while I was just thinking about leaving kisses and hickies all over them, Kate had the glorious idea of riding their bellies and I havent stopped thinking about it since, especially for Boba...

So I imagine it all starts with the two of you kissing and slowly getting more and more passionate as the two of you undress eachother. Once you're both naked you pull back to just take in the sexy beauty that is Boba Fett when the idea pops into your mind as you glanced at his big belly. Well your gaze must have lingered there long enough for Boba to notice, because the next thing you knew Boba was lifting your chin up with a finger and asking, "What is it princess? What is that little mind of yours thinking?" Biting your lip you tried to turn away from his gaze but he holds your face there and pulls the lip from your teeth saying, "I asked you a question princess, and don't make me repeat it." So you just nod shyly and whisper, "I want.....I want to, um, can I... can I ride your belly?" Boba pauses for a second and takes in your face before saying, "Is that what you want princess? Do you want to make a mess all over my stomach?" Your eyes dilated when he says it, and you let out a breathless, yes. Then before you know it Boba is laying falt on his back and is holding the backs of your thighs as you are straddling his lower stomach. Shyly you rub yourself slowly against him for a few seconds, before your clit catches over one of his bigger scars and you moan out a broken "Boba." Immediately you feel his finger tips dig into your thighs, as he started to guide your movements more watching as your moaned and whimpered while leaving wet trails all over his stomach. You could feel yourself slowly working higher and higher, but with each pass that you didn't reach your peak, Boba seemed to get more impatient. Then suddenly before you could even gasp, Boba bucked you up high enough to slide between your legs and by the time you hips came down they made contact with his mouth, where he wasted no time in grabbing your hips and latching his mouth onto your clit. It took no time at all for you to be screaming Boba's name as he thrust his tongue in and out of you and rubbed your clit with his nose as you came hard all over his face. You fell to the side with a groan when his licks and and sucking became to much. After you caught your breath, Boba turned his head to look at you before he said, "Princess, look at the mess you made, Come clean it up so I can fuck you senseless like I have been planning all day."

#din djarin x reader #din x reader #boba fett x reader #boba x reader

[hotdamnhunnam]

Suck It Like You Mean It

Part 1 of The Prospect & The President

A/N: Here’s the start of a 2-part series with Jax and a gender-neutral reader, based on the below requests​! *The idea is that this fic can be enjoyed from the perspective of any reader, with no reference to gender-specific features.* Anyone reading as a woman can just imagine that SAMCRO admits women! (hard to believe, I know, but hey this is fanfiction 🙃)

Pairing: Jax Teller x gender-neutral reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, dom!Jax, humiliating hazing process, face-fucking and ball-sucking (in Part 1), anal sex (coming up in Part 2) Requests: Request 1 (+ follow-up) and Request 2 from @malethirsty

Word Count: ~2.9k

Note: Anyone reading as a woman can just imagine that SAMCRO admits women! (hard to believe, I know, but hey this is fanfiction 🙃)

So you just drove through town tonight stark naked on your bike. You knew the hazing process would be criminal, to join Redwood Originals, but you had no clue this is what it would be like. By now you’re pretty sure that prospecting for SAMCRO was the stupidest mistake of your entire goddamn life.

“Gave Charming one hell of a view, didn’t you,” the President taunts, as you throw all your clothes back on. Seeing you mortified like this is just what he wants. And to make matters worse, he’s such a fucking flirt, always looking at you like an object of thirst.

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Jax playfully pats the top of your head. “C’mon—you weren’t completely naked...” he says, amused that this task got you so damn upset. “We made sure you wore your helmet. Safety first.”

“Did your ass ever have to do that?” you snap, not afraid to start sassing back at him in front of the rest of the crew. “Tell me, Jax. You must’ve had the easiest time ever, back when you were an initiate. Born into the patch. Bet that birthright took you straight from member to VP to President. You know it’s true.”

He shrugs. Quite clearly doesn’t give two fucks.

You shoot him a resentful glare. “Just doesn’t seem fair. All the shit you put me through...”

“Fair? Ask me if I care,” he snickers. Rakes his fingers through his rich blonde hair. “So what—you wanna see me naked, too? Who knew?”

Ugh. But of course you do. And yes, of course he knew—everyone does, because your crush on Jax is so painfully obvious. The way you turn to mush, whenever you’re together, makes it clear that you’re a slut for Mr. Teller.

“Tell you what: I’ll do you one better,” he offers, stepping closer to surround you in the scent of smoke and leather. “Not just see me naked... maybe I’ll be generous with this big dick of mine and let you touch it. Taste it.”

...um. Excuse me, Mr. President?

His snicker darkens as he sees your bottom lip twitch. “Know you want to, bitch. Just face it.”

“J-Jax, you can’t be serious...”

But of course he is. Blowing a wisp of smoke from his delicious lips, he stares into your eyes and reads all the desires you’ve been trying to keep hidden. “Do you think I’m kiddin’?”

Oh, holy fuck no. He most definitely isn’t.

As you realize that the bastard isn’t joking, your whole throat contracts to swallow down that fact. Dying to swallow all of Jax. You’re fucking choking.

The room falls silent as he reaches for his belt buckle. The tension in the air between the two of you boils over, fucking crackles, as the President takes your initiation process just a step further...

“You want the patch?” he asks, blue eyes piercing and savage, fierce as bloody murder. “I promise this’ll put you on the fast track. Move you up the pecking order.”

Jax is unfastening his belt... then unzipping his fly... and you’re about to melt, to die, whole body aching with the worst thirst you have ever felt. A hopeless puddle of arousal. You cannot think straight at all.

Still with his cigarette in one hand, he reaches the other hand into his unbuttoned pants, now as he issues his command. “All you gotta do is suck my dick and balls.”

Ugh, holy hell... he acts so nonchalant and natural, makes it sound so casual. It’s really not, when you’ve been dreaming of this more than words can tell. You try to brush it off with an exasperated eye-roll. “You are such a fucking asshole...”

“Yeah, what else is new? Being an asshole’s part of being presidential,” Jax reminds you, with a wicked smirk that slices you straight through. “Now just shut up or else I’ll make you lick that, too.”

Oh God. At least he has got to be kidding about that. You should be so disgusted by the thought, of such a nasty act—yet somehow when it comes to Jax... you’re not? Christ, why is he so fucking hot...

Now that the President is really getting down to business, his VP wisely decides this isn’t something that the other Sons should witness. Chibs lets a whistle out and beckons everyone to head toward the exit. “...‘ey, let’s split. Reckon the rest of us got no reason to see this.”

Most of the men are in agreement. One resists.

No surprise who it is; Chibs hollers back at the sergeant. “C’mon, Tig.”

Before he reluctantly heads out with everyone else, Tig lingers to make one small request. In silence, with a not-so-subtle snapping gesture of his fingers, hoping Jax will read his lips. Since he’s the only one who’d have the nerve, to ask for this: Take pics?

Jax reacts with a laugh and a shake of his head. “Fuck off, perv,” he rejects as he puts out his cigarette. “Know you’ve already seen my dick. Caught you staring at it in the bathroom so often it’s sick.”

Tig won’t try to deny that, though he does have something to add. “Sure, seen the President’s big stick... but not Y/N sucking it.”

Fuck this, you think. Already burning up with shame just at the thought of what—of who—will soon be going down: you, on the motherfucking king. You’re not about to do this thing, if anybody else is still around. And so you cross your arms over your chest with an indignant pout. “If he doesn’t get out, I’m not letting your dick anywhere near my mouth.”

The President quirks up his brows, quite amused and a little aroused, at the sight of you putting your foot down. To him it’s hilarious seeing you take a stand, when he is clearly the one in command. 

At least in this instant, his own preferences align with your demand. “Well, you heard Y/N,” he tells the sergeant. “Get the fuck out, Tiggy. Now.”

Jax spoke that last word in a loud, threatening growl that has Tiggy obeying all too quickly. Hauling ass out of the clubhouse.

And at last you and Jax are all alone here in this room, just you and him. Your poor heart pounding like a drum. So damn turned on that one more word out of his mouth will probably make you fucking cum...

Jax knows it. Knows the force of his presence is already taking you over the edge. And shows it. Gets off on exerting his power like this, such a natural-born alpha male dom. His big dick energy is so raw, and so rich, it drops your jaw and strikes you dumb. “Why aren’t you on your knees yet, bitch?”

Well, there it is. Of course those are the words this dirty bastard says. Your underwear’s a mess. What little was left of your dignity just shattered, and the worst part is... it doesn’t even matter. Honestly couldn’t care less.

You lose all sense of feeling and control over your own damn legs. Instinctually kneeling down before the Pres. Helpless to do anything else, because he is a living breathing god of sex.

“How long you been dreaming about this?” he teases, smirking down at you as he eases his jeans down his hips.

At the promise of Jax Teller’s dick—so delicious, so big... you’re unable to keep your tongue from hanging out over your lower lip. But he stops just before you can hope to catch a precious glimpse of the tip, sticking out through his boxers. Wicked motherfucker.

He laughs down at you as your breathing starts to splutter. Humiliating and degrading you like none other. “Answer the question, cocksucker.”

You try to act as if you have a little fight left to resist... resist all this, although you both know that is blatantly untrue. Of course you don’t. The words escape you in a filthy little groan. “Fuck you.”

“Mmm, fuck me? Yeah, bet you’ve been dreaming of that, too,” Jax taunts as he suddenly grabs your head, pulling your face toward his crotch roughly. Rubbing your face on the denim. The feel and the smell of him... God, every damn thing about him is knocking you dead. “If only you’d be so lucky. You should know it’s a privilege just to suck me.”

“Yes, sir,” you answer, too far gone to try to pretend any longer. Sighing in pleasure, as you let yourself surrender to your hungers. “Yes, I know...”

“There we go. Finally some honesty from my cocksucking hoe,” he snarls, as he pulls down his boxers and jeans, releasing the object of all of your dirtiest dreams: his huge cock and his heavy balls. So proud and powerful and presidential. He fucking beams, knowing you’re gonna take it all. “Now go on and blow your way into SAMCRO.”

You moan in bliss, leaning forward to lock your lips around the tip. Swirling your tongue along the slit, to lap the luscious bit of precum leaking out of it, so desperate to devote your mouth to taking every precious drop that drips...

Jax grunts and bucks his hips—he obviously knew that you were thirsting for this dick, but had no clue you would be this enthusiastic.

You can’t be any other way when his dick looks and tastes like magic. Your reaction is orgasmic. Popping your lips off of the tip with a loud slurping sound, you take a second to throw your head back, just to soak in his mind-blowing flavor, to take it all down. The sweet flavor of Jax. Made to be fucking savored. You reach up toward his massive dick and wrap your hands around, unable to believe your luck.

“Ugh, Jesus fuuuck...” you groan in ecstasy, obsessed with him like crazy. Practically cumming already. Just one taste and you’re addicted to his cock.

Jax seems to be digging this too, blue gaze dark with arousal as he towers over you, loving the view. The look in your eyes and the lust in your voice... he gets off on seeing and hearing how much you enjoy being his little fucktoy. On knowing your mouth is about to get fucking destroyed. So completely and utterly fucked. Seeing you down on your knees, so damn eager to please, has him hard as a rock.

He’s so big it’s a motherfucking joke. Just the sight makes you want to choke, and you can’t wait to have him buried in your throat. 

With his enormous girth encircled in your fists, you slurp another drop of precum off the tip, licking your lips, and start to stroke. Using your hands to warm up, till you’re all set to deepen the blowjob. To guzzle and gag as you swallow him all the way back. “Holy shit, Jax—I can’t believe we’re doing this...”

“Better fucking believe it,” he teases, gloating in the fact that your fate is now sealed as his cocksucking bitch. For so long you’ve been dreaming of catching just one precious glimpse of the President’s dick; there is no going back now that you’ve finally seen it. Especially not with the words that he says right this minute. “Suck it like you mean it.”

His wish is your goddamn command. You would do anything for this absolute god of a man.

On the instant, you drop both your hands, to start cradling his bulging balls... as you gape your mouth wide, taking his throbbing cock deep inside... going straight for the goal to devour him whole, till his dick hits the core of your soul, getting off on the thrill of it all. His grip tightens around your skull, holding you firmly in place. There is no time to waste. You need Jax to start fucking your face, dominate and degrade you in all of the dirtiest ways...

And he does. Fast and rough, just the way that you love. Jax has secretly always been wanting this too, ever since he first met you. It’s your face he sees every time he jacks off.

Now it’s your face he sees as he splits it in half with the force of his thick veiny shaft. Driving into your throat till you gag, moaning as he feels the muscles of your mouth contract, swallowing hard to feed your thirst, cheeks hollowing around his massive girth, milking his cock for all it’s worth, until he fucking bursts. Groaning and gulping all around him as you strive to take him further back, ‘cause you can’t get enough. You’ve never been so fucking stuffed... but the cockslut inside you won’t be satisfied till he fucking erupts, filling you up.

“Jesus Christ...” he sighs, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. Struggling just to hold back the tides. If he dares to look down now and meet your adoring gaze, honestly might explode just at the sight. God, his balls are already so full and so tight...

At the thought, you recall that his orders had also included you sucking his nuts. And you have to obey your god, no matter what. That’s your role, as the President’s slut.

Jax’s grasp on your head has weakened, for a second, as he tries to focus on holding himself off from blowing his load. So you suddenly take the chance now to remove his huge dick from your dirty whore throat. Drop your mouth toward his balls, to suck on them just as you were told. 

You start slobbering over them one by one, servicing them with your tongue. Loving the way he smells and tastes, rubbing them sensuously all across your face. He looks down at you now as you gaze up at him with insatiable lust and passion, hoping desperately that you are serving your king to his satisfaction. You most certainly seem to be, judging by his intense gasping reactions.

“Holy fuck, Y/N... so good... oh God—so fucking hot...” he grunts, gripping his dick as you keep worshiping his balls with your slick tongue, biting his lip as you take both of them inside your mouth at once. It’s no secret that he’s been with hundreds of whores, but there’s no mouth or cunt he’s ever fucked before that’s been as mind-blowing as yours. You’re taking him up to heaven with this face-fucking, ball-sucking blowjob. “Ugh, such a perfect little slut... giving me everything I want... don’t fucking stop...”

Grabbing onto his muscular thighs for dear life, mouth stuffed full of his nuts like a good little slut, you look up, to deliver a silent reply with your wide open eyes. A promise of submission to Jax Fucking Teller: Yes, sir. Won’t stop ever. I live for your pleasure. Won’t stop serving you till I die.

By now the President is riding high, and needs your mouth back on his cock to suck him dry. You’re both so horny you could die. He looks so fucking hot like this, so gorgeous you could cry—strung out and openmouthed, breathless, his golden hair a goddamn mess, loose strands falling to frame his flawless face, as he stares down at you with his blazing blue gaze.

He explodes just as soon as your lips wrap around him again. And it’s literal fucking heaven.

“Fuuuck, Y/N...” Jax euphorically groans as he blows his huge load, shooting rope after rope of his thick creamy cum straight down the back of your thirsting throat. Holding you close, fucking crushing your nose, smushing your bottom lip up against his balls, as you drain every drop out of them just to swallow it all. All your senses are flooded with his luscious taste and his rich musky scent and the sound of him screaming your name. You’re officially Jax Teller’s cocksucking slut and have no fucking shame. 

At some point your hands ended up in your own pants, in these last few moments. Your mind is so lost that you’re not really sure when it happened, but from the wetness in your crotch, you know this much: he’s definitely not the only one who came.

Once he’s finally done, you just cling to the hope that this wasn’t all some sort of game, just for fun. For the sake of humiliation, as a part of your SAMCRO initiation. Surely that had been Jax’s intent—but now, given how everything went... will he still be determined to pretend? How can the two of you go back to being nothing more than friends? The lowly little prospect and the high and mighty President...?

A knock at the door interrupts your thoughts all of a sudden, followed by a familiar Scottish voice. “Ye done in there yet, Jackie Boy? Urgent club business just came up. Needs your attention.”

Jax swipes his palm over his sweat-beaded forehead and clears his throat. Meanwhile yours is still deliciously coated with all the cum you’ve swallowed. Still kneeling in your position of submission, still in love with his perfection...

“Y-yeah, we’re done,” he stammers out, swiftly sliding his softening erection from your mouth. Pulling his jeans back on. Pats the top of your head, the way he does so often. Maybe you could take it as a gesture of affection, yet somehow right in this moment, it just makes you feel like nothing but his filthy little pet. His dirty little whore. Of fucking course.

Before he heads toward the door, to tend to more important work, the President flashes you a smirk, and finishes this business with four words. So cold and short it fucking hurts. “Thanks—that was fun.”

And then he’s gone.

***************

... Continued in Part 2!

Hope you enjoyed this, and would love to hear if you did! ✨

Masterlist

Tag List – Join Here!*

*If you’re unable to use that link to join the tag list, just let me know and I’ll manually add you to it!

@itsme-autumn @rebelwrites @happyhenners @band--psycho @witching-hour @est11 @edonaspanca @ughdontbeboring @neverland14353 @starbooty @coffeequeenxx @innerpaperexpertcloud @i-love-scott-mccall @six-camelot @alexa-rae-dreamz @justme2042 @awesomenatalia @auroraariza @rochyu @coffeebooksandfandom @inlovewithcharliehunnam @turner-cris @thesuicidalflower @chrmdnbeautiful @xladymacbethx @holl2712 @snow-white-74 @moonlight-fern @stitchesbystults @lilacyennefer @magic-room @sunflower12335 @trishmarieofficial

#jax teller #sons of anarchy #soa #charlie hunnam #jax teller smut #sons of anarchy smut #charlie hunnam smut #jax teller imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #charlie hunnam imagine #jax teller fanfiction #sons of anarchy fanfiction #charlie hunnam fanfiction #jax teller x reader #jax teller x you #charlie hunnam x reader #charlie hunnam x you #male reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral imagine

[mysticalgalaxysalad]

An Old Love Doesn’t Rust

Ship: Paz Vizsla x Din Djarin

Fandom: The Mandalorian/Star Wars

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: yearning, two idiots in love trope, feelings, detailed smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, folks), oral sex, porn with feelings, fluff, romance, set after Chapter 16

Summary: Din accepts his fate with the Darksaber on the Mandalore. While preparing a ball for Mandalorians, he unexpectedly meets an old friend from the past and feelings come on the surface.

Words: 3.2k (what the fuuuck, i have never written this much for a oneshot, holy shit, i impressed myself at this point)

It was difficult to settle without him.

After Din let Grogu leave with Luke, he felt empty. He knew that he’ll miss his son. And that Grogu will miss him too. But there was something, that he needed to do. Din looked at the Darksaber and sighed. He wasn’t ready for this, but this was the Way.

       Few months later…

„..and these flowers will be there…“

Din was already exhausted. As the Mand’alor, he was throwing a ball for his fellow Mandalorians. And it was pretty big event. His assistants were talking too much and at some point Din caught himself to be dived deep into his memories. Especially in his memories for certain bigger boy in dark blue Beskar armor…

Paz Vizsla. The name of a man Din thought of very often. Of his best friend. Oh, how much Din wanted to see that big blue di’kut again! In those rare moments, when Din dared to be vulnerable with himself, completely honest, he missed Paz in ways he would have never thought he would. He missed his deep voice, when Paz was talking about practically anything he had on his mind, his wholehearted laughter, when he and Din had gotten away with some mischief, his like dark night sky blue, shiny armor, his touch, when Paz patted Din on the back, when Din was choking on a piece of juicy fruit…

Din was so caught up in his thoughts and feelings about Paz, that he didn’t notice his right hand Mandalorian in purple Beskar saying him something. He remembered himself only after Mandalorian patting him on his shoulder.

„What’s going on?“

„Sir, I think it’s time to prepare for the event,“ Mandalorian nervously stepped.

„Oh yes, that ball,“ Din sighed and got up. „Thank you for noticing me,“ he nodded at Mando and left to prepare for the night.

          Later that evening…

„Ladies and gentleman and others, welcome to the ball,“ Din, dressed in his silver Beskar armor, which was shinier and overall looking better than usually, started his first speach as the Mand’alor. All Mandalorians, also dressed in their shiny armors, listened to him very attentively. Djarin didn’t speak for too long, although he seemed to be very calm and confident, his heart was nervously pounding in his armored chest. He spoke about what he thought was important and from his heart.

„And now, let’s the fun begin. This is the Way,“ Din finished his speech with Mandalorian creed, and everyone could feel the smile in his voice.

„This is the Way,“ Mandalorians chanted cheerfully. Some of them even chanted Din’s name. Din blushed a little and smiled under his helmet. As he was watching his fellow vods having fun, he caught sight of very familiar blue color. And he felt suddenly his heart to stop.

That familiar blue color could originate from the only one source. In that moment, Din knew, who it was. It felt like Maker had heard his most secret hopes and dreams. Maybe…maybe he could be happy again.

Stunned Din watched his long lost friend Paz talking to Bo-Katan. Suddenly, he felt a lump forming in his throat, his mouth dry like Tatooine sands. Will Paz still remember his friend from childhood? And how did he leave Nevarro? Where had he gone after that shooting? Din’s head was full of questions he hoped he’d get answers to soon.

„…and then we saved Grogu and I lost the Darksaber,“ Bo-Katan grumpily rambled about their adventures to her new object of complaining, Paz, who really tried to listen to her, but he kept daydreaming, just as Din.

„So, who’s the new Mand’alor?“ Paz interrupted Bo-Katan’s venting, much to her annoyance.

„Look for yourself, big blue boy,“ she smirked.

Paz groaned. Something about the way she said „big blue boy“, irked him. He was about to say something ironic to her, when he noticed she left. Good, at least I’ll get some peace now, he thought. But not for long. When he turned to see the famous Mand’alor, he froze.

Paz would not have been much happier for his helmet than in the very moment he saw Din on the Mand’alor throne. His dark, sparkling eyes went comically wide, plump, soft lips, which had never kissed yet, slighty parted. It felt like all his thoughts, words were thrown out of Paz‘ head. He couldn’t even tell, what exactly he felt at that moment. Relief, happiness, doubt, that Din would not remember him, or something, that made his lower parts tingle? Probably all at once, if Paz would be absolutely honest with himself. And maybe something more. There was always something more with Din.

As the ball continues, Din felt himself very tired. But since he saw Paz, he could say, that something in the air changed. He also knew, that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without talking to Vizsla, but it seemed Din couldn’t get to him. Every few minutes someone wanted to talk with him.

While politely conversating with another Mando, he caught Paz‘ visor staring at him and suddenly the world stopped existing. It was like each other of them could see each other’s sould and it was intense and burning. Din’s breath hitched and his blood changed into something similar to molten lava.

He politely excused himself from discussion and nodded at Paz to follow him. He headed to a small part of garden, protected by a bunch of bushes with beautiful, soft looking bloody red flowers with thin petals and honey-sweet smell. Mand’alor didn’t turn his back to see, if Paz was really following him. Paz was.

When they got into that secret garden spot, Din slowly turned to Paz. His whole body lightly buzzed with nerves and sweet anticipation. For a few minutes, there was a silence, filled with a tension and something else. Promise.

They stared at each other for a while. Then Din moved and Paz moved too and they hugged like their lives depended on it. Mand’alor sighed happily. Paz‘ strong, big hug provided him security and comfort Din never knew he needed. Untill now. And when he got a taste, he could never get enough.

„Djarin, so you’ve made it to the Mand’alor,“ Din could feel the grin and proud in Paz‘ raspy voice. He, after all, was grinning like a fool himself under his Beskar bucket. „I see you’ve made it pretty good too, Vizsla,“ Din said, then he whispered softer. „I thought you’d died.“ His black visor met Paz‘ one.

„Y-yeah, i was succesful with leaving Nevarro, but I had to stay low since then,“ Paz explained, his voice sounded little bit choked. „Otherwise I would get in touch with you, but I thought it would bring you unwanted attention from those kriffing Imps and I - I didn’t want to endanger you, Din,“ Paz‘ voice got softer and softer with every word spoken. And I was afraid you wouldn’t remember me, Paz thought of.

Din was awestruck from what he just heard. After a minute or two, when he regained his composure, he spoke again, voice filled with an emotion he couldn’t quite entitle. „You could never endanger me, ner vod,“ and before he could stop himself, Din’s hands grasped Paz‘ helmet carefully and he stepped on his toes to clink his silver bucket against Paz‘. Din didn’t think about it twice. It somehow felt…so right.

To say Paz was overwhelmed, was a big understatement. He knew since he had seen Din for the first time after such long time, there had been something between them. He could feel it with his whole body, mind, soul. It was syrupy thick and sweet and hot and so intense, it consumed him. It brought emotions in Paz, which he wouldn’t even dare to call it.

So, he just stood there, absolutely dumbstruck, and gulped dry. His heart was pounding in his chest. Before he could do anything, Din let go of him. Paz was still quietly processing, that his best friend just kissed him in Mandalorian way, when Din did another thing, which took Paz Vizsla’s breath away. Din Djarin, the new Mand’alor, took off his helmet.

Paz knew he should scold Din for what he had just done. Broken Creed atc. However, he couldn’t bring himself to do so. All he could do right now, was to think about how Din looked so beautiful in the moonlight. His dark brown eyes, deep as the galaxy surronding them, reflected the light of stars above them. His helmet hair were wet with sweat and full of soft curls. And the pink, plump lips…Stars, Din was a sight for gods. Paz slightly shuddered. His mind was flooded with very tempting pictures of Mand’alor himself, writhing beneath big blue Beskar Mandalorian, his mouth creating perfect ‚O‘ shape, as Paz hit that heavenly spot inside Din, which made Din see not stars, but whole galaxies…His body reacted to these images very precisely and he was thankful for his codpiece, as he was already hot and throbbing in his pants.

Din noticed Paz‘ quietness and his tremble. He had no idea, why it happened, but he slowly started to be afraid, that Paz was disgusted by what he had done. Oh, if he only knew…

There was a flesh of insecurity in Din’s eyes and Mand’alor took a step back. This alarmed Paz, who got into his protector mode. „What’s wrong, cyare? Did I hurt you? Oh, kriffing hell, I didn’t-“ Paz would probably continue in his rambling, if he didn’t see Din’s surprised look with a hint of hope. And Paz realized, what he said. But there was no way in hell for him to take it back. Paz simply couldn’t hold himself anymore.

„Yes, Din, cyare,“ and now was time for Din to be in shock, because Paz copied his gesture with taking off the helmet. Din gasped, when Paz came closer and slowly, as if Din was made from a fragile materiál, caressed his blushed cheeks. His whole body throbbed with need. „So beautiful,“ Paz whispered and lowered himself to Din’s face. „You-you’re very pretty yourself, Paz,“ Din answered and looked at him with silent plea. Paz obeyed. His lips touched Din’s and it was burning like a wild fire. Slow, gentle kisses quickly turned into more needy, hot sensual ones. Both men after a while groaned into each other’s mouth, and that just spurred them more. It was sinful and passionate and just everything they wanted.

„We should také this somewhere private, Djarin,“ Paz panted into Din’s ear, when he licked his earlobe and sucked it. „Ye-yeah, we should- oh, kriffing stars,“ Din groaned, when he felt Paz‘ lips on his neck, sucking a mark on his tender spot. Under Vizsla’s touches, Din quickly changed into needy, trembling mess, he was so touch-starved.

Finally, Paz reluctantly let go of Din, picking his helmet. When Din got his helmet too, he nodded at the man with blue Beskar to follow him. They quickly walked through garden, too eager to feel each other’s body. After few minutes, which felt like eternity, they got into Din’s private quarters, and the moment the door closed behind them, they were on each other again.

They eagerly stripped of Beskar, it was laid randomly on the floor. Neither of them cared. Paz sucked another mark into Din’s neck and tugged on his T-shirt to pull it off of Din. When Din was half bare before Paz, Paz also took his shirt off. „Mmm, so beautiful,“ whispered, as he was kissing every inch of Din’s tender skin. By the time Paz got to his nipples, Din was a panting mess, back arching into Paz. „Shhh, Din, I know, I’ve got you. I’ve got you, ner cyare, let me take care of you.“ With those words, Paz sucked one of Din’s erect nipples, licking and carefully biting it slowly, while kneading the other one. Din let out a loud whimper, his hand went straight into Paz‘ soft, fluffy hair. His body shook and Din thought he could cum just from his nipples being sucked.

Paz paid the same attention to the other nipple as well and Din’s groans of pleasure got louder. When Paz felt Din’s nipples gor enough attention, he slowly kissed, licked and bit Din’s torso to his stomach and lower abdomen. „O-oh, it feels s-so g-good, Paz,“ Din panted, while Paz sucked few more hickeys into his skin. „And it will be better, love,“ Paz purred and tugged on Din’s pants. Din lifted his hips, so Paz could get rid of it. It was also tossed on the floor and Paz turned to Din’s rock hard cock, leaking precum all over. 

 „Holy shit,“ Paz whispered to himself, as his mouth watered at the sight. He couldn’t resist to lick Din’s length and taste him like the best lollipop. The sinful groan he let out, went straight to Din’s cock and Din thrusted his hips instinctively. „S-sorry,“ he exhaled. „Don’t have to be, love,“ Paz winked and let Din slide into his warm and wet mouth. Din’s mouth shaped perfect ‚O‘, as Paz‘ mischievous tongue licked along Din’s velvety dick. He never felt anything like this. Everything, what Paz did to him, made his blood change into wild lava and reduce him into whimpering puddle. And  after one particularly good suck Din found himself teetering right on the edge. „P-Paz, I-I think I’m gonna-“ That was when Paz let him slide of his mouth with loud ‚pop‘.

Din pushed himself up on his elbows and with loud disappointed grunt looked at his lover. Paz shushed him again. „I will také care of you, my sweet boy, do not worry,“ he also undressed and bared himself to Din. And at the sight of naked Paz, Din lost his ability to speak. Paz was big and thick and beautiful. And very aroused. Paz pumped himself few times, smearing his precum all over his cock. „Do you have lube?“ „In a nightstand,“ Din nodded, his voice raspy from moaning. Paz found a small bottle and squirted a good amount of gel on his fingers. „Will you let me take care of you, Din?“ Din nodded again, opened his legs slowly and leaned back on the bed, trying to relax for Paz. Paz smiled and kissed him.

„That’s my good boy,“ he purred and at first he just touched Din’s hole with his wet fingers. He looked at Din’s face for any sign of discomfort, but when he didn’t find any, he carefully pushed one finger in. Din closed his eyes and grunted. It was slightly uncomfortable, but eventually he got used to Paz‘ fingers sliding in and out of him. It also helped that Paz used a lot of lube too. All this time Paz was praising him. „My sweet boy, take my fingers so good. Oh, you’re so beautiful, my love.“

Din felt absolutely wonderful. Paz‘ fingers always hit that one spot inside him, that made him keen and lean into Paz‘ touch. „A-ah, Vizsla, yes, yes,“ Din moaned and grabbed the sheets beneath him, as if to anchor himself. After earlier edging, he was worked up and felt on the edge of heavenly pleasure once again. But Paz had apparently other plans and stopped stimulating Din.

„Paaaz-“ Din pouted and looked at him with almost teary dovey eyes. Although he quickly shut himself, when he felt Paz nudging at his entrance. Paz took the lube again and squirted a lot of it all over his cock. „I-I’ve got you, Din, my love,“ Paz whispered and slowly entered Din. He groaned deeply and when Paz was fully seated inside of Mand’alor, he leaned to kiss him passionately. This allowed him also také a breath, because of how tight and warm Din felt around him, Paz felt like he might combust right and there.

After a short while, Paz set slow, sensual pace. If Din thought this couldn’t get better, he was painfully wrong. And also painfully hard. But Paz proved his earlier words, when he grasped Din’s beautiful weeping cock and started to pump him. Din’s moans and grunts got two octaves higher, and under normal conditions, he’d be embarassed for it. Now he couldn’t care less. Not when Paz was looking at him, as if Din hung all the stars on the sky himself. Not when Paz‘ sight was full of passion and so much love for him. That was moment Din knew he was done for.

„I-I love you, Paz,“ Din panted and his one hand caressed lovingly Paz‘ scruffed cheek, while the other one hugged around his strong, broad shoulders. „Y-you do?“ Paz‘ hips slowed for a second and he leaned his forehead against Din’s in Keldabe kiss. „Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, Din,“ he growled, his pace quickened again, his hands pumping Din matching the pace of his hips. At this point Din was almost screaming from intense pleasure, and Paz was very happy about it. „Now, be a good boy for me once again and cum, Din, let me feel you, ner cyare,“ bigger man mumbled into Din’s ear and slightly sucked it.

That praise sent Din over the edge and oh, did he cum. With a loud groan of Paz‘ name and curses in Mando’a, he climaxed all over Paz‘ hand, his stomach and some of his cum even made it to his neck and chin. The sight of climaxing Din and the feeling of him clamping hard around Paz, triggered Paz’s own orgasm and he climaxed inside Din, panting Din’s name, before he collapsed on blissed out Mand’alor beneath him.

They both laid like that for a short amount of time, listened to each other’s heart. Then Paz slided out of Din, and smaller man whimpered weakly at the loss of him. Paz chuckled. „I’ll be right back, mesh’la,“ he stated and in a while he came back with warm cloth to clean Din. But he had to admit to himself, it was pretty hot to watch his load leaking out of Din. After Din was cleaned, Paz cuddled to him and tucked them both under soft blanket. Din happily sighed, soft smile on his face. He never felt as relaxed as now, laying on Paz‘ chest.

„You did so well for me, Din, I’m proud of you, my love,“ Paz whispered lovingly into Din’s hair, peppering him with kisses and caresses, where he could reach. Din’s smile got bigger and it tugged on Paz‘ heart. He always wanted to see that gorgeous smile. Then Din spoke quietly.

„Did-did you mean it, Paz? Do you love me?“

„Yes, I do, Din. I’m never leaving you ever again, my love, I promise,“ Paz kissed Din’s forehead, nose, both cheeks and finally his lips and it was so soft and full of love.

„Stay with me, please,“ Din asked, kissing Paz‘ handsome face. Paz smiled, and it was biggest, happiest smile, which made him look so much younger and light-hearted.

„With my biggest pleasure, ner Mand’alor.“

taglist: @sunsseto45​ @pedrosaccent​ @charcharlonglegs​ @ahoeformando​ @latenightsthoughtsnstuff​  @randomcollection-o-stuff @just-fics-i-read @tibbietibbs

anyone who wants to be tagged in this, just let me know and i’ll add you :D i just forgot who else wanted to be tagged in my fic, i’m sorry for it :(

#Paz Vizsla #Paz Vizla #Paz Vizsla x Din Djarin #Paz Vizla x Din Djarin #Din Djarin #Heavy Infantry Mandalorian #Mando #The Mandalorian #Star Wars #fanfiction #smut #fluff #romance #love #feelings #fandom #my art #my writing #my fanfiction #fanfic #whoooo boy #holy shit #so much yearning #and hotness #and feelings #and everything #also #3.2k words????? #what the hell :DDD #i'm still processing i wrote this long oneshot

[thishintoflove]

YES, if you're open to BobaDin prompts, maybe something light/fluffy or humorous? Din and Boba on a night out with some drunken shenanigans maybe?

I’m sorry for just getting to this one, Anon! I’ve been focused on my WIP, but I haven’t forgotten you! I don’t know what’s wrong with me that this is immediately where my mind went with this prompt, but I hope it’s not too far off from something you’ll enjoy.

Summary: Two bounty hunters walk into a bar…… and one walks out extremely drunk and whining for a baby. 

Warnings: Drinking/Alcohol use, Language, Mentions of sex & sexual situations, No A/B/O or mpreg or anything- Din is a regular human dude, he’s just super drunk and thinks his boyfriend would make a good dad.

“I’m sad,” Din said, one arm slung around Boba’s shoulder as the broader man led them out of the cantina.

“No, you’re drunk.”

“I can be two things!”

“Fair enough,” Boba grumbled, hauling Din down the dark, empty street. Boba was feeling a little buzzy himself and he hoped they could make it back to the ship safely. Neither of them were fit for a fight right now. Luckily they were in neutral territory in the Mid Rim, so the odds were low. It was safe here. 

That was the only reason Boba agreed to the third round of shots. Normally only one of them was allowed to be drunk at a time, for safety reasons, but after several local brews, some fruity cocktail Din ordered for him as a joke, and the first two shots, he couldn’t say no to just one more. Especially when Din was batting his beautiful long lashes and gazing at him with those damn puppy dog eyes. 

“I just miss him so much,” Din continued sadly, leaning heavily on Boba, his tongue sounding heavy in his mouth. 

“I know you do,” Boba huffed, feeling sympathetic but not really in the mood for this conversation while in this state. He wasn’t as far gone as Din, but his intoxicated brain didn’t want to focus on meaningful things right now. It was too busy thinking about how Din’s lips looked when they were wrapped around the bottle at the bar. He’d really been hoping for Happy Drunk Din not Sad Drunk Din, so that they could have a little fun when they got back to the ship. But Boba liked to think of himself as a benevolent lover, so he wouldn’t complain if all he did tonight was wrap his arms around the man and hold him as he cried. 

“I miss the way he used to sleep on my chest, and the way he’d try to sneak food, and the little grumbly sound he made when he was mad,” Din rambled. 

“You’ll see Grogu soon. Don’t you have a meet-up planned for next month?”

“It’s not the same. I miss flying around the galaxy with him, just him and me, back when I always knew where he was and he was always safe by my side…” Din sniffed, gesturing vaguely at himself, “I’d carry him in this little sling, and he’d be safe riding at my hip.”

“I know it’s hard to let go, but you know you did the right thing. You gave him his best chance, that’s what parents are supposed to do.”

“Parents,” Din mumbled, “Yeah. I think I want to have that again.”

“You will someday. Grogu will always be yours, and-”

“I want to have a baby.”

Boba’s brain short-circuited for a moment at Din’s words. 

“What?”

“I want to have a baby. I want to have your baby,” Din slurred, caressing Boba’s chest with a floppy hand, “You’d make such a good daddy. I want to see a baby with your eyes.”

Boba would’ve chuckled at the ridiculous statement but he was just drunk enough himself to feel a tiny bit aroused by the thought. There was some deep, animalistic part of him that really liked the idea of getting Din pregnant- filling him up, staking his claim… but obviously it was just a fantasy. Trying to ignore the feeling, he just grunted,

“You do know that human males can’t carry babies right? Too many things missing… hormones, organs, a way out-”

“I know but whyyyy” Din whined, hanging off of Boba’s shoulder while putting almost his entire weight against him. Boba huffed, trying to get Din to use his own damn legs.

“If you really want another kid that bad, we can take in more foundlings.”

“That’s not what I want this time! This is different…”

“Then we can look into surrogacy-”

“No! I don’t want that,” Din moaned, “I need it to be ours. Both of us. That’s what I want.”

“You know I’d give you the world, sweetheart, but you’re asking me for the one thing I truly can’t give you.”

“How about we try anyway?” Din slurred suggestively, “We can go back to the ship, and you can fuck me in our bunk from sunrise until sunset, and I’ll let you cum in me as many times as it takes.”

“Fuuuck, Din” Boba groaned, the man’s dirty talk going straight to his groin. They were never going to make it back at this rate-- with Din barely walking on his own and now Boba half-hard. 

“You like the thought, don’t you?” Din purred, leaning his head against Boba’s shoulder, “There’s some primal part of you that thinks I’d make a pretty picture carrying your baby, isn’t there?”

“Enough. I’m trying to get you back to the ship and you’re making it increasingly difficult. Quiet down and save that mouth for bed, unless you want me to bend you over right here.”  

“Actually I’d love that.” 

Boba growled low in his chest, pleased at how the night had taken a turn and ready to fully pounce on Din. But the man suddenly held up a hand and pushed back against Boba’s chest. 

“Fuck. I might throw up on you.” As if to punctuate his point, Din swayed slightly, casting a nervous eye toward some bushes next to the sidewalk. Boba sighed-- the man was being particularly mercurial tonight. He watched in exasperation as Din ripped his helmet off in the darkened street and darted toward the bushes, covering his mouth. Boba waited until the sound of retching died down before approaching the younger man. 

“See? You should be glad you can’t actually get knocked up. Most species that do have to suffer from this for months while they’re carrying.”

“You win,” Din groaned, wiping his mouth, “I’m done being dramatic. Just get me to bed.”

Boba grinned as he rubbed his lover’s back soothingly, “That can be arranged.”

#bobadin #boba fett x din djarin #the mandalorian #star wars fanfiction #boba x din #boba fett #din djarin #my fanfic #ask #fanfiction tag #Din has baby fever #I just think Din loves being a Dad but he can’t say it out loud unless he’s drunk #Boba is very amused by his boyfriend #drunk din djarin

[gemini-bmc]

I had a couple drinks the other night and wrote a short story. I was inspired by one of my favorite writers bc they had a drunk post a while back(@psychovigilantewrites)

I decided not to do any editing on the story, its just pure Jack Daniel's fueled fun 😆

Story is based off a writing prompt I found on Pinterest.

TW: bondage, rough sex

Well, enjoy 🙈

-----------‐-------

"If you want me " you panted leaning against the grimey wall of the building "come and get me "

A dark figure stood in the shadows across from you. You heard a breathy almost mechanical chuckle.

As the figure moved forward the moonlight illuminating the red helmet, you tried to staighten up and look as tough as you could.

Red Hood walked right up to you, trapping you against the wall. One hand on the wall by your head the other under your chin.

"Want you in which way sweetheart? Don't get me wrong, both involve ropes, but it's an important distinction to make before we proceed"

"What?... what are you talking about. Don't be stupid?!" Your eyes are wide as you stare up at the red helmet.

"Don't act like you haven't noticed" he said moving his gloved hand to touch a strand of your loose hair. "There's a spark between us"

"The only sparks between us are going to be the ones from my taser!" You say jerking your head away from his touch.

He sighs "Fine then, I guess it's for me to decide". You feel a sharp pain in your neck and everything goes dark.

You grimace and blink your eyes trying to fight off the groginess.

' what happened to me?.... where am I? ' you wonder looking around the room.

You try to stand, that's when you notice, you're tied down to a chair.

"What the hell?..." you struggle against the restraint.

"So you're awake? " you hear a voice behind you. You try turning your head to see, but can't find the figure.

"Who are you? Where am I?!" you demand.

"Im hurt. Don't you recognize me baby?" A figure says as they walk into your line of sight and lean against a desk.

You study your captor more closely.

"You?!"

With his arms crossed over his chest and a domino mask on his face, stands your enemy, the Red Hood.

A million thoughts run through your mind. You take a breath to calm yourself.

"What do you want from me? "

"Just to have a little fun" he answers instantly.

"Fun?....What kind of fun???" You wonder.

"I won't hurt you" he says "unless you ask me to " he smiles a crooked smile at that.

"Let me go" you try.

"Like I said, not until we've had some fun together" he pushes away from the desk and leans down in front of your face.

You try leaning back, out of his touch but his hand is under your chin making you look up at him.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the most luscious looking lips?" You're about to retort when you feel his lips crash against yours. His kiss is hard and fevered.

You regain your composure.

"Fuck!" He breaks the kiss quickly. He wipes the back of his hand across his lips "You bit me". You see the red tinting his lower lip.

"Asshole! "

"What the fuck did you just say?" He's in front of you again in an instant, his strong grip yanking your hair painfully , making you look up.

It hurts. You think your scalp might bleed.

"Oooow. Jason!"

He releases your hair and squats in front of you.

"Shit. Are you ok sweetheart? Did I hurt you?" His eyes are big and apprehensive, darting around searching your face.

"It was a little rough" you say.

"You wanna stop?"

"No" you smile "keep going. But try not to leave bruises, kay."

"Alright" he says standing up.

You see the change in his eyes, he's back in character.

He grabs your hair again, you notice this time he's a little more gentle.

"When you address me, you call me Sir or master, got it" he gives your head a little shake.

"Y-yes Sir!"

"Good girl" he praises you and strokes your head like you're a good pet.

"The only way you're getting out of here tonight is to fully satisfy me" you squeeze your thighs together and swallow the lump in your throat.

Jason pulls out one of his batarangs and cuts open the front of your spandex suit, revealing your cleavage and red lace bra.

"My favorite color" he smiles and runs a finger along the edge of the lace. "It's almost like you wore it just for me" he chuckles. He knows you did.

Red lace drives Jason crazy.

He continues cutting open your costume, he's reached your navel.

"I wonder what's in here" he says looking up into your eyes as he rips the fabric open with his hands.

The top of your red lace panties are exposed.

"Mm-mmm, so pretty" Jason says kissing the red fabric.

You close your eyes, enjoying the the moment.

Jason rips the fabric open more, you feel cool air at your center, you know he's he's fully exposed you now.

You hear him suck air between his teeth, so you look down to see his expression.

He looks up at you then kisses you. You part your lips when his tongue seeks entrance. Jason cuts the kiss short.

"Fuck babygirl. You wear this specially for me too?" He says running his finger along your exposed lips.

You knew crotchless underwear would really get to him. You smile at your small victory.

"I'm not waiting" he says.

"What are you-" but you're cut short when Jason's face is between your thighs and his tongue dives into your wet folds.

"AH! Jason"

You throw your head back and squeeze your eyes closed as your body tries to lift off the chair, pulling against the restraints.

Jason puts his hands on both your thighs and pushes you open wider then pulls your hips forward to the edge of the chair. Satisfied with his new amount of exposure to you his tongue dances inside your core while his thumb applies pressure to your clit.

You bit your lip, trying not say anything and ruin the flow of things.

Instead you moan.

Jason stops briefly to switch tactics. His tongue slowly drags up through your slit. He flicks the tip of his tongue over your sensitive clit making your body jerk every time.

You look down and your eyes meet. His eyes are bright blue and have that mischievous sparkle in them. He's planning something, but you're not sure if you'll be able to handle it. You bite your lip.

It was a mistake.

Jason seals his lips over your sensitive bundle of nerves and sucks. His tongue circling you, his teeth occasionally grazing against you all while his lips are sucking your sensitive flesh, is too much.

You feel the bite of the ropes against your skin as you pull against them.

"Aah, Jay...im gunna...mm-mmm..."

Jason increases the pressure.

"...fuuuck...JASON! "

Your body is flooded with a white hot feeling as waves of ecstasy wash over you. Your chest heaves as you try to control your breathing. Your heart is still racing when Jason's finger enters you slowly.

"You're so wet baby" he says kissing your thigh.

"Nooo...." you breath out "too much" but he doesn't hear you.

His finger starts a slow steady rythm of pumping in and out of you.

You feel overstimulated.

"Jay..." you try getting his attention but it's no good, he's too focused.

Then you remember.

"Andromeda" you say weakly.

Jason stops his movements and pulls his hands away from you.

"Sweetheart?" He questions, looking to you for what he should do next.

"Andromeda..." you repeat more firmly.

"Are you ok?" He asks his voice full of concern as he unites you.

The ropes fall to floor.

"Fine" you say "Just a little over stimulated"

"Sorry..." he laughs.

"No you're not" you laugh.

"Ok. Not really" he says lifting you off the chair. He sits and cradles you in his arms.

"So? How was it" he asks.

"Mmmm. Sooo good" you slur burying your face in his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" you say sleepily. Then you remember "Although " you sit up quickly.

"Did you really have to drug me?! You know I could have just pretended to be knocked out!"

"I thought it would be fun, more authentic"

"God Jason...."

"Sorry sweetheart" he says leaning forward and kissing the little sore spot on your neck.

"Promise, you can drug me when it's your turn" he says with a goofy smile.

You shake your head and laugh.

"You're too much" you say kissing him.

----------------

I'm sorry it's so terrible lol 😆

#drunk writing #jason todd #red hood #writing prompt #geminibmc

[asht0ns-world]

Penalty Shots (A.I.) part 1

HIIIII GUESS WHO’S BACK ON THEIR BULLSHIT ? It’s me. This kinda just happened ? And it’s part 1 of a hockey best friends to lovers fic that you might possibly hate me for lmao. Thanks to @hearts-to-the-sky @myloverboyash @bloodmoonashton @ashtoniwir for making me write this. word count: 1320

“34 go to the box… again” the ref tells Ashton for the 4th time this period after he “unintentionally” tripped the opposing team’s number 21 again, this time unable to hide it from the referee. He slowly makes his way to the box to serve his 2 minute penalty time, glancing back to you to see your reaction which is, as expected, slightly pissed because he keeps going after 21. Ash knows you and him aren’t together, but he also knows that you used to hook up with 21, Caleb, on the opposing team, and he can’t stand the way the dude keeps looking over to you. If this was 4 months ago you would wait until everyone is out of the changing rooms and then meet up with Caleb to do it in the shower, but Ashton can’t think about that right now or he’s really going to murder the guy. The opposing team scores their first goal, and Ashton storms out of the penalty box nearly running over his own teammates. The coach yells at him more than usual and he’s forced to leave the rink and take a seat on the bench. Normally he’d be one of the loudest cheering his team on, but he can’t focus on anything other than you, and how you’re seemingly not even paying attention to him. He knows very well that you see him as nothing more than your best friend, and that you have strict rules about not dating people within your close friend group. Especially after what happened with Dave, but he can’t help it. He’s been in love with you for months now and it’s slowly driving him insane.

The buzzer goes off, meaning the second period is over and it’s time for the break. Ashton gathers his gloves, takes his helmet off and heads to the changing rooms with everyone else. Before he’s able to do that though you pull him to the side “What the fuck is wrong with you Ashton ?! I know that you like to be aggressive during games but this is unnecessary, you going after Caleb. You’re gonna lose if you keep doing that. You’re one of the best shooters on the team, but you can’t do that if you keep getting dumb penalties because you’re petty. Stop being so selfish and think about the rest of your team. Because you’re annoying everyone here with your actions.” You take a second to give him a once over “Now leave” and with that you give him a slight shove to the chest and turn around to go back to your seat in the stands. Ashton just stands there in the hallway for a second to gather his composure. “What’s taking so long Irwin?!” the coach yells from the changing room, so he turns and heads there to get his usual run down from the coach to stop getting unnecessary penalties. Coach Chance talks usual strategies, and run-downs for the next period. Ashton is completely zoned out, thinking about how adorable you look with your big scarf and beanie you’re wearing because it’s so cold in the hockey arena. He thinks about how you’re gonna hug him after the game and keep your arm wrapped around his waist while he says goodbye to his teammates, and how you’re gonna drag him to McDonald’s again because you’ll say you deserve to have junk food after the excitement of cheering for so long, and how he won’t be able to resist because of the way you’ll look at him. “Hey man, you good?” Cal shoved the top of his hockey stick into Ash’s side. “Hm? Yeah, totally. We goin back out?” he asks shaking his head slightly to snap out of his day dream about you. Everyone huddles around and Ashton joins in to do their hype cheer, and then head back out to the rink.

The last period is nothing different than the previous 2. Ashton’s team is better than the opposing one and the score is 6:3 by now, but Ashton can’t keep himself from fouling Caleb. Cal tries to stop him from being stupid, but he just dodges Calum all-together. And then it happens, Caleb comes up to Ashton, skatin along with him and says “she looks good doesn’t she?” he says while nodding his head towards you “Cheering on the sidelines. Too bad she won’t fuck you like she did me” and Ashton just completely loses it. He throws his stick to the side and tackles Caleb, pushing him to the ground. He can hear you yelling to stop in the distance but can’t help himself, so he leans over Caleb and starts punching him anywhere he can. They both take their helmets and gloves off and start wrestling on the ice. The ref and the players on the field try to pry the two apart, but it just escalates into a fight with all the players and it takes a solid 5 minutes, the coaches screaming their heads off and the medic storming onto the ice to break the fight up. Ashton and Caleb both get major penalty times and are out for the rest of the game. Caleb yells at the ref trying to tell him that he didn’t even do anything wrong, while Ashton storms into the penalty box and throws his stick to the floor along with his helmet and gloves. The other 2 teammates in the box try to calm him down but just give up after he rather aggressively insults them. He searches the stands for you, but is disappointed to not see you anywhere.

Of course you left. You love hockey, and the aggressiveness of it all, but you can’t watch Ashton beat someone up, and get beaten up. You pace up and down the corridor outside the rink to try and calm down your racing mind. Yes, Ashton has always had a problem with Caleb, but you naively thought it was just because he’s on their rival team and he’s one of the better players. This seems so much more personal though, and in the very back of your mind you know exactly why Ashton started the fight with him. You’ve known Ashton has more than just best friend feelings for you, for quite some time now. And you’ve never allowed yourself to seriously think about it because he’s your best friend and there are certain lines you won’t cross again. But over the last couple of weeks it’s been getting harder to ignore the fact that you’re actually attracted to him as well. And just when you think the two of you might actually get a chance to explore being more than friends he pulls shit like this and makes you question the whole thing again. Why does he have to be so fucking difficult ? You contemplate going back in to wait for the game to be over and yell at him, but you decide against it and head to your car to drive to your best friend’s house to tell her what happened since she couldn’t be here to watch with you.

The buzzer goes off again to signal the end of the game. Everyone gathers their belongings and heads to the middle of the ice rink to shake hands with the opposing team. Ashton tries to keep his composure while shaking everyone’s hands, avoiding Caleb at all costs. He doesn’t need to start another fight right now, even if you’re not here to witness it. Where are you ? Ashton quickly gets showered, dressed, packed and basically storms out of the arena to try and find you. But as soon as he gets to the parking lot and sees your car isn’t there anymore, he knows he fucked up really bad. You never leave before the game is over. Desperately he tries to call you but it just goes straight to voicemail. “FUUUCK”

k that’s it, I hope you liked it. Please let me know your thoughts and if I should continue with more parts. I really like the idea of hockey!Ash tbh .... so like pls don’t let this flop. If you wanna be tagged in future shit I post let me knoooow ❤️

#lena writes #ash #ashton irwin #5sos #5 seconds of summer #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin blurb #ashton irwin fic #hockey!ashton #calum hood #penalty shots

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

GEARBOX THIS IS EVERYTHING I’VE EVER WANTED THAAAAHAHAHAANK YOUUUUU

FUCK OKAY TRAILER BREAKDOWN BECAUSE I AM LOOOOOOSING MY FUCKING MIND OVER THIS TRAILER HOOOOOLY SHIT

POSSIBLE PSOILERS??? MAYBE? GOD DDDDDAYMN WHAT A WAY TO GET BACK INTO THE THEORY SCENE LMAO

SO FIRST OF ALL I’M NOT CERTAIN THIS IS RELATED TO THE BARMAN/SECOND STARS CULT QUEST I FOUND IN THE FILES AS SOME PEOPLE SUGGESTED, BUT I WILL ADMIT IT IS SUSPICIOUSLY SPECIFIC. MAINLY ABOUT A CULT AND THE FACT WE SEE A BAR HANGING OUT IN THE TRAILER, BUT HEY, I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS RIGHT NOW I AM JUST GOING TO ENJOY THIS WHILE I CAN

ANd breathe in

breathe okay

okay

im okay.

i’ve watched this trailer like 15 times already oh my god it’s so good. i wasnt so hyped about the casino dlc bc, like, i already spoiled myself on it BUT THIS IS (AS FAR AS WE KNOW) UNCHARTED TERRITORY AND

IT’S TECHNICALLY A WATER PLANET

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

okay

okay

i will stop using caps

for the most part

hhhhhhh

okay.

let’s just be calm. i got this

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THIS THOUGH????

oh ym goD

the fucking lighthouse sent me. i just. i went feral for a solid hour and a half. just wheezing on my test. i fell onto the floor at one point, don’t remember when. it was so fucking good, i couldn’t feel my goddamn hands

;-; its so beautiful i could stare at this all day hhhhhhh

i just

hhhhhhhhhhhh

oh ym godddd ;-;-;-;-;-;-;

it’s so fucking beautiful

i can’t

okay

we see the gun/health station under the lighthouse so it’s not really THAT big, and we can see a town in the distance. running across the ice sheets is giving me HUGE southern shelf vibes which i am in love with. this whole aesthetic is just ;w; so good

there’s a catch a ride in that town as well so we know this area is fairly big (which is confirmed in a later shot)

and oh my GOD can you imagine seeing some big ol beast lurking beneath the surface of the ice sheets hohhhh

MAN

okay sorry im still not oevr this its just so fckign good

inside the belly of the beast rotting Monster and OHHHHHHHHHHH THE IMPLICATION-s of that. of that. im calm.

we get a look at 2 new enemies and mmmmmm we get a better look at them later on so just look how fuckig beautiful thsi area is with its acid that’s probably rotting stomach acid and AAAAAAAA

first close up of the town, giving me really big uhhhh we happy few vibes? which im not complaining about

TENTACLES asdfghj

anywway more toen, bridge looks like like athenas which is DOPE im hype for more athenas-esque architecture

the TOWNss oh my god im so im love with this aesthetic god. damn.it i need this injected directly into my veins like right N O W

also the bridge is going over another pool of acid, which the tentacle is coming out of. i imagine this monster was sorta acid based, which is funny. since. frozen water planet. and it’s OOZY too. oozy boy means the eridians didn’t make this one! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

hm who’s ready to face the unintended consequences of our actions?! NOT THE ERIDIANS WHOOO BOY (you cannot tlel me that there are mantakores on this planet and not say there was eridian fuckering going on nooOOPE)

also, side note, DIGGING the spike pit under the house on the bottom right. hope we get to explore that bad boy

ALSO

who are you mysterious figure whose cape billows in the wind? are you just part of the environment?? MAYBE

more town

first look at that BEAUITUFL red barrier which OOOOH I WANNA TOUCH SO BADLY

look at it

LOOK AT IT

NOODLE BOWL

EATS??? food place?? im not sure i can’t read, Jared, 19

see s-ar(?)ed??

THAT

THAT IS BEAUTIFUL

doesn’t look like a corporation shield (no corporation gunk lying around either) and we do know red glowy shit is the New Eridian Aesthetic, so im just saying.

it could be a corporation tho, mostly because uhhh later shots

hold up

that’s not uhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah it CAN’T BE lol

cursetown - something something

these red thingies are probably just rotting monster flesh but it does look very similar to the vines on nekrotefeyo

given how worried wainwright looks i imagine him and hammylocks are being coerced into the whole marriage thing in order to complete a ritual

i mean no judgement but that red background is absolutely garrish for a wedding

1. pirate ship??? please??? look at all the mist outside and the wooden bars

god PLEASE can i get a pirate ship.  CNA I PLEASE GET A PIRATE SHIP

Captain scarlett wsan’t enoughhhh

2. why the fuck does she have a tail

3.

DJ Midnight performing Saturday: The Dark Mix Deep W???? Hear The Voices (hmmm) and Let The Music Enter You

gee i wonder if this is cultist propaganda

I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE

BUT YOUR TIMING

SUCKS

IIIII AM HERMEAUS MORAAA

no wait wrong game

BUT BRO TENTACLES COMING OUT OF THE MAGIC PORTALS???? UFCKF UEYS THIS FITS PERFECTLY INTO H2O A- i mean, damn haven’t we got enough tentacles from the destroyer?? wow gearbox... heh. hm.

SO I AM WONDERING IF MAYBE THE GREEN UNDER THE BRIDGE AND SUCH ISN’T LIKE CORROSIVE ACID BUT MAYHAPS SOME SORT OF MAGIC SLUDGE COMING OFF THE BIG OL MONSTER BOY THAT THESE CULTISTS ARE HARNESSING TO TAP INTO something. i lost steam. but i mean MAGIC PORTALS

and we all know where teleportation takes us

MANTAKORES!!! WHICH MEANS ERIDIAN INTERVENTION SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE

they seem like fire/ice boys which i absolutely adore

THIS SHOT IS SO COOL OH MY GOD

LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN IT JUST LOOKS D O P E

WHAT IS THIS??

WHAT IS THIIIS??

CAN I PLEASE HAVE YOUR JACKET

OH ALSO

I MENTIONED IT IN ANOTHER POST BUT THIS

REMINDS ME A LOT OF THIS

IM SURE THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO CORRELATION BUT I THOUGHTIT WAS FUNNY

ALSO REMEMBER THE BLACK EYES THING I HAVE A WHOLE THINGIE THING IMMA BRING BACK OT IT JUST HOLD TIGHT

THIS SHOT?? OH MY GOD? IT’S LIKE A MOVIE????????? I LOV EI LOVE IT LIV E OT

nND THE WOLFIE BOYS THATTHE ARTICLE MENTIONS

UCKING TENTACLES HFDGDHFGJKH THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL OH MY GOD

HE’ SGOT TENTACLE ARMS LIKE MOTHERFUCKING CHADAM

BRO IM

BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AND A GUN THIS MOTHERFUCKER STILL HAS A GUN

WHAT A MAN

MORE TECHONOLOG Y THAT IM SURE PLAYS A ROLE IN THIS SOMEHOW

BEAUTIFUL

WE SLAM THIS DUDE UP AGAINST A WALL SO HARD SHE/HE/THEY (I ASSUME SHE BC WE CAN’T SEE HER FACE AS A COMMON TROPE) 

BREAKS THE WINDOW WHICH LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A WINDOW ON SANC-III BUT IM NOT MAKING ANY ASSUMPTIONS

also red SPARKS WHICH REMIND ME OF ERIDIANS AGAIN

also her whole helmet thingie??? very Guardian-like

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS GIVING ME HUGE HECTOR/KEY/PLANT/ERIDIANBULLSHITTERY VIBES THEY EVEN HAVE THE GLOWING SACS OF OOOOOOOZE

which is another point to the “green sludge is magic/connected to their powers somehow” theory. hmmm i hope we mix neon green and eridium purple. purple/green is my favorite color combo. and ugh with the lovecraftian vibes? be still my beating heart!

WINNIE SHOOTING SOMOHE

i fucking LOVE the laces on this shotgun. so fucking pretty omfg

magic circle MAGIC CIRCLE MAGIC CIRCLE

also new chest it looks like

BROO??? HOLY SHIT?????????

JABBER WOLF!! SO FUCKING COOL

THAT SKULL MOUTH IS SO FUCKING DOPE IT LOOKS LIKE TROY’S TATTOO

ohhhhhhHHHHHH THE MOON IS GREEN TOO DON’T DO THI GEARBOX IM GONNA SCREAM IF THERE’S ANOTHER ALTERNATIVE ERIDIUM

THIS SHOT OHHHH

THE BAR LOOKS FUCKING FANTASTIC OH MY GOD

shots SHOT SHOTS SHOT SHOTS HTOSHSTOHSOHTS

dND the MERFOLK TAIL ON THE FAR RIGHT I DON’T GIVE A FUUUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE SAYS THAT’S MER TAIL THAT’S A TAIL FUCK U

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YSEY SEYSEYSE BIGGG

THE BARTENDER OHOH

HAVE I MENTIONED THE GIANT FUCKING MUSHROOMS BTW

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM GETTTING SUCH DRAGONBORN DLC VIBES I LOVE IT

SWEETFRUIT VILLAGE BTW THAT’S IMPORTANT

YOU ALLL LOOK SO FUCKING AMAZING OH MY GOD

the bartender!!!! his glasses!! AND THE VOICE MODULATOR???

the netch looking boys are called

slithercresses btw and THEY LOOK STUNNING

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NEW RED CHESTS??? LOOK ERIDIAN TO ME

WHICH MIGHT MEAN------

ALSO THE DIMENSIONAL TRANSFER PROGRAM ON SANC-III WHERE BBY BOY MAUREICE MAKES US A PORTAL TO HELL??? WHICH GREEN OOZE WHICH IS “HECKTOPLASM” BUT MAYBE ACTUALLY N O T

THE STAR OF THE SHOW BABY GIRL GAIGE WHO’SACTUALLY OLDER THAN ME NOW FUUUUUUUUCK

YOU’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL II LOVE YOUR NEW GOGGLES

H??????????????

POSSIBLE NEW PSYCHOMASK UNLESS HE’S JUST GROWING THOSE BONE HORNS IN WHICH CASE YOU GO MAN IM PROUD OF YOU

TENTACLE GUNNNNNN WHICH BETTER LPAY A PART ERIRDIANS YOU FUCKS

THIS PLACE IS WHY I THINK THIS MIGHT BE RELATED TO S O M E CORPORAITON? BUT THEN AGAIN IT MAY JSUT BE THE CULT HEADQUARTERS OR WHATEVER, THAT RED BUBBLED MANSION LOOKS P HQ

FOOD CARTS AND ALSO WHATEVERS IN THAT SWINGING BAG LOOKS LIKE BONES HELL YEAH

this this THIS THIS THIS THIS WHAT IS THIS A NEW CIRCL  E OF SLAUGHTEr? ERIDIAN???

THEYRE PUMPING SOMETHING INTO/OUT OF THE CORPSE!!!!!!! ALSO

mutaTED FEET

[something] world! with a skull symbol on the side

both green btw

god YES I LOVE GREEN AND PURPLE IM SO HAPPY

SAILOF HOLE

hammylocks helping us with a fight by some bones and more wolfie boys!!!! i love these little dudes

FIRE MUTATED SLUGS AAAAAAAAA THEYRE SO COOL

ns tHEY CUR L UP INTO BALLS AND ROLL AT YOU LIKE KRAGGONS

AND I WONDER HOW THE SLUGS MUTATED IS IT POSSIBLY THE G R E E EN?

AND THEIR SHELLS LIKE SUCC UP LAVA?????????????

THESE BRAIN-Y BOYS 

SO BLUE I LOVE THEM

AND MORE GREEN MIST BY THE WAY OWOWOWOWOWO

another look at a baddie with STUDS THIS TIME

A MAGIC WARLOCK TYPE BADDIE THIS TIME AND HE SUMMONS A STAFF AND ALSO I THINK THAT’S ERIDIUM CANNISTER BEHIND HIM

AND IT HAS SIMMILAR TENTACLESTO THE GUNS DO YOU THINK WE’RE FINALLY GOING TO GET ANA NSWER ASA TO WHY OUR GUNS ARE A L I V E

MORE SNAIL DUDES AND THE GREEN STUFF IN THE BACKGROUND M A N I LOVE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA SNAILS

OOOOOZE

BACK AT IT AGAIN IN MY CYCLONES

GREEN FUCKING PUDDLES

B O N E S FUCKING I HOPE THIS EXPLAINS HOW THE SKAGS ON PANDORA GOT SO FUCKIN LARGGO OUTSIDE OF JUST ‘YEAH THE SEASONS’

MORE

this

THIS

ONE

THIS LOOKS LIKE A SAURIAN THE ARMORED ONES THE BASHY ARMORED ONES THAT START WITH ‘C’

TWO THAT GUN IS KICKASS

IT’S GLOWING G R E E N AND IT HAS ***THE TENTACLE BARREL***

OHHHH IM SO READY FOR AN EXPLANATION GEARBO X PL E ASE

GIVE IT TO ME

ALSO THIS

IM EXCITED ABOUT

PROBABLY RELATED TO SWEETFRUIT VILLAGE BC THE MUSHROOMS MAYBE THEY USE IT TO MAKE BOOZE MUSHROOM BOOZE EW

WHY IS HE GRAY?????? HE’S NOT WEARING A JACKET MAYBE HES CRYO-FLAVORED

more sluggus THESE ARE GREEN FLAVORED :O

also, side note

PLEASE TLEL ME THIS WAS INTENTIONAL GEARBOX

LEMME SLAP BLANE’S ASS

YOU *GUYS* PLEASE

BUBBLE MANSION??? GREEN OOZY VILLAIN THAT GOT SLMAMED INTO A WALL??? BABY BABY GIRL

THE R E D

and she’s USING A TENTACLE GUN TOO

THAT’S GOTTA MEAN SOMETHING RIGHT

hhhhhhHHHHH

also ther’e sa fridge on the left lol

also the consoles look similar to that one shot with zane which is why i believe this is part of that bubbled-y mansion.

YES ES YES YES YES YESY SYEYSE 

I WANNA RIDE THE SKY TRAM SO BAD PLEASE

I WANNA REENACT UNTIL DAWN

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEEEEEEED

ALSO NOTE THE EYES

AND THE PURPLE HOW IT LOOKS LIKE AN ERIDIUM PURPLE

ANYWAY I HA[VE TO GO EAT FOOD NOW BUT GO LOOK AT THIS LINKN

I LOOKED UP THE NAME OF THE PLANET AND MYTHOLOGY AND NOTHING CAME UP, BUT GOOGLE RECOMMENDED ME 

T H I S

https://pantheon.org/articles/l/lycurgus.html

AND MAN OH MAN

“FAMOUS FOR HIS PERSECUTION OF DIONYSUS” THE GOD OF P A R T I E S LIKE IDK A WEDDING PARTY, WHICH FORCED YA MAIN MAN DIONYSUS TO <JUMP INTO THE OCEAN> WHICH COULD HAVE SOME RELATION TO THE TENTACLES

OH AND ALSO LYCURGUS WAS THEN <<<BLINDED>>>  WHICH COULD PLAY A PART IN THE BLACK OOZY EYES EVERYONE HAS

DIONYSUS ALSO ENDS UP PUNISHING LYCURGUS WITH MADASS AND WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT RELATES

OKAY BYE 

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #borderlands spoilers #IM SORRY I POSTED THIS EARLY IT WAS ANA CCIDENCT

[knowingoverseer]

Axe to Grind

Thunk! That was the sound of your back slamming hard into the trunk of a large pine tree, the wind knocking itself from you for a brief moment before you’re ducking away from it. THWACK!!! And that was the sound of your pursuer's head ramming into the poor abused trunk instead. There’s a grin on your face cause it sounded like it hurt. Snow fell in large clumps around the both of you from the impact. They’re screeching now, trying to right themselves, and you dart off into the dark woods once more before they can flap themselves around to swoop at you again. You’ve been dodging this thing for.... a while now. Not quite to the level you were tonight, but this... this. Well, this green robotic bird, for a lack of better description, has been tailing you since shortly after you made your way out of London a few months back. It was in rare form tonight, however, it had only ever actually attacked you twice in the time it’d been stalking you. Both times you had the space enough to defeat the thing, but tonight.... Well..... You’d exposition dump later, right now you needed to get the heck out of here.

Your ears listen hard, past the sound of your boots hitting the snowy ground, for any sign of your pokemon. Oz and Elsa where somewhere around here, and you couldn’t exactly just fly out of the forest without them. You give a whistle, and there’s a haunting call in response, four familiar notes, and the next thing you know they’re popping into existence off to your left. Elsa’s teleport while once more attaching themselves to Oz. The Ninetales was running off in the opposite direction, however, growling viciously with the light of his next Aurora Beam glowing in his jaws. Fuck. Swerving to run into a tree, you use your moon boots to instead spring off and back the way you just came. Oz had launched another attack at the bird, and it reeled back a moment before diving at the pokemon instead. It’s talons where sharp and raked at the side of Oz, nicking Elsa as well in the process. Their distress was enough to send you into your next attack, looking to revert the thing’s attention back to you.  You spring up into the air, sword striking hard into the breast of the bird, as Oz dodged out of the way, turning so Elsa could launch a Swift attack, reacting to more musical howls. You’re knocked back into another tree by one of the bird’s wings as it twists to try and deflect the stars berating it’s side. Angered, it’s tail swings up and onto it’s back, showing off that it is in fact a canon. Fuuuck, yeah, you’ve seen this trick before.  “aUrora veil, now!” Two small missiles launch in succession as the bird turns and swoops about. You pull around your cape and brace yourself as one hits close to your feet and explodes. It’s enough to knock you backward again, but thanks to your armor and the wondrous properties of your cloak, you’re not taking too bad a hit. Well, you’ve had worse anyway. Your pokemon on the other hand.... When the dust clears, you can see there’s a magical rainbow coloured light dancing around them, and while they do appear to be hurt, the veil had lessened the blow. But Oz was limping now, readying another Aurora beam. The bird takes the hit, but it only seems to spur it on to attack once more, this time with it’s long metal beak. Scrambling to your feet, you whistle those four same notes from before, and Elsa teleports them both away before the bird crashes into the ground attempting to strike. It’s head is momentarily buried under snow, and you take this chance to launch a magical swing at it.  “jUpiter’s rage!” Electricity crackled and engulfed your sword as you dove forward to drive it’s blade into the back of the bird. It screeched in horror and pain, swinging it’s canon tail back out and smacking you down with it, pulling the sword from your hands- Shit-Shit!! You grab instead onto the tail itself as the bird, still spasming from the electricity, instead attempts to fly away from you. Like it had the last two times you bested the thing. But this time you were holding on. You had to, you couldn’t let it go while your sword was still embedded in it’s back. Your grip tightens as you’re dragged along, the bird desperately trying to knock you off, still screeching up a storm. It knocks you into trees, twists itself in flight, and even pulls you far up above the ground. You could fly yourself, however, so this last intimidation tactic hardly scares you. But man where you going to be sore.  As you crashed through the forest tree tops you could hear Oz’s howl’s below, and the occasional blast of an Aurora Beam, but Oz’s injury slowed them down. Soon enough you’d lost their position, and you were starting to lose grip on yours. Your armor was magical and great, but it could only protect one side of you well at any given time, and you were being knocked dizzy left and right, and you were desperately wishing you had your helmet.  Higher and higher it flew, soon out of the dense ticket of tree branches and more gliding over the pointed tops, and you finally had a chance to leverage yourself. Your wings spread wide, catching the air as the bird tries zooming off, slowing it down and causing it to swing around. You let go and with a quick gust you launch yourself forward, grabbing for the hilt of your blade. This just causes the both of you to go tumbling back downward through the trees as it tries to shake you off once again. But it doesn’t take long for you to kick off against it’s wings and away from it’s back, sword in hand, as it screeches in pain. It continues to plummet, but you catch yourself with your wings. There’s a glowing blue substance on your sword, hell, smeared across your self and armor now too, that you hadn't noticed while trying to hold on. For a horrifying moment, you thought it was blood. But, no, no, it was something else. Sure, blood for whatever that thing was, but not the glowing blue blood you’re familiar with. There’s a loud crash as it hits the ground, and you gently glide down to finally finish this. You’re at the edge of the forest now, or at least, the edge of a large clearing. You could see a town not that far, which was a relief to you because you might be able to find something to help Oz out with inside. You touch down, there’s a long trail of crashed-into ground, roughly a dozen yards in length, kicking up snow and the dirt below. There’s a streaky trail of glowing blue up to what you thought would be the body of the bird.... but, no. There was a giant green axe instead. Huh.

#action!post #long post / #drabble /

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelor, season twenty-two, episode one: call me a private detective on a hbo comedy because i am bored to death.

Admittedly, I don’t know many things.

I really know a lot of things about the things I do know, but the things I don’t know I don’t care about. There are things I want to know but haven’t had the time or patience to learn - looking at you, crocheting.

But I do know that Arie Ludenchyksdjkfds, Jr. has the personality of low-fat mayonnaise. You know Lay’s Lightly Salted chips? Arie was the inspiration for those. Arie is massively boring and I kind of love him for it. Then again, we were last treated with Nick Viall and Ben Higgins before him, so we’re realistically just dealing with different shades of beige at this point.

Arie is our Little Engine That Could1 who so badly wanted to be the Chosen One - both by Emily Maynard and for the title of The Bachelor. It’s been five years since his turn on La Bachelorette2, and in that five years, he hasn’t dated and he’s stopped racing cars and now is in real estate! HOW SPLENDIDLY BORING. But now he’s ready to settle down. Because the race is over, but it’s really just beginning.

I hate what this show does to me.

Sean and Catherine roll up with their baby, and Sean salts the would that he was picked to be Bachelor over Arie in some weird way of attempting to convince us all this process works for people. See? They have a baby! They get to do other reality shows now! It’s all great! Arie does his obligatory photoshoot and moves into the Bachelor Fuck Pad.

And away... we... go.

We’re greeted by Chris Harrison, who’s back to being my Mortal Enemy once again after the disaster that was last season of Paradise. He’s all skeevy telling us that Arie’s the best kisser the show ever had and how they’ve collected a great group of girls that all thought they were going to get Peter as The Bachelor and now they’re stuck with Arie!

We meet Chelsea, who’s a single mom from Portland, Maine3 who’s pumped that Arie’s the bachelor because Emily Maynard was a single mom, and so is she! Relationship connections be damned, they have something in common. Next in Caroline, a realtor from Fort Lauderdale. She’s my age and has already sold $5 million in sales and I want to jump from a bridge. Caroline is boring.

Next is Maquel, which is not a fucking name, and she’s a professional photographer, which means she may own a Canon Rebel she bought in high school. She’s like, 23, and said she watched Arie on The Bachelorette. 5 years ago. That’s just gross, imo. Nysha’s a big fan of adrenaline rushes - she’s a nurse and likes skydiving.

Oh my god, they’re all so boring. I can’t be witty when I’m half asleep.

Tia is 26 and from Weiner, Arkansas. Cue weiner jokes all around this podunk town. Oh, and we get to see Raven from Nick’s season! She’s the reason Tia’s here. If it doesn’t work out, their friendship is over. Hell, it’s over if it does. Raven would lose it. Kendall collects taxidermy and plays the god damn ukulele4 and lives in Los Angeles. I hate Kendall. That’s all. I bet Kendall has a Pinterest page called “wanderlust”.

Bekah reminds me of my friend Jordan with her cute short haircut. She’s a nanny, but considers herself gentle and exciting. Next up is Marikh, who needs to be the center of attention and be pursued. She runs an Indian restaurant with her mom and Marikh is my favorite.

Krystal is 29, lives in San Diego, and Krystal reminds me so much of Kristen Chenoweth I can’t handle it. She’s like a taller, more deluded Kristen Chenoweth. She’s very into nutrition and helping others, she donates to the homeless because her brother is homeless and refuses her help. I didn’t cry.

Fuuuck I cried with Krystal help me.

THE LIMOS ARE ARRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris Harrison greets Arie and they pretend like they like each other for a bit. Arie’s nervous because realistically he never really expected it to happen. Chris Harrison is essentially like “what’s wrong with you?” and Arie’s like “Emily was it for me and that’s it so it’s time to find someone like her.” Or some nonsense. I can’t figure out what Arie’s narrative is going to be this season. Meanwhile, Chris Harrison tries to hide his horns.

Caroline is the first out of the limo in a white sequined gown. She makes a hilariously bad “off the market” job in reference to them both being realtors. It’s so bad, but it works. Chelsea is next, and there’s nothing worth commenting on except she's trying to be mysterious and failing. Kendall is nervous as hell. Then Seinne comes out and I scream because I love when black women arrive on this show in any capacity. She gifts him elephant cuff-links with such a well thought out response, I died.

Next is Tia, who’s there to continue her weiner jokes. Bibiana doesn’t know that blue eyes are a recessive gene. Krystal gets a big reaction in her red dress. Krystal’s vocal fry is so real. Bekah arrives in a classic car and all the girls are incensed - it’s going to be a long night and it’s only just beginning.

Jenna is 100% arms and hands when she talks. Jessika gives him a rock. None of the girls expected the competition to be as tough as it is on night one, but it’s like they’ve never seen this show before. Becca K basically convinces Arie to get on his knee for her, and I like her immediately.

There’s about a baziilion Laurens this season, and Lauren S. is the first one. Then comes Lauren J. ANOTHER LAUREN B. and another Lauren J,, then Lauren G. oh my god. They should have done what Tyra Banks does on Top Model5 and made thse girls go by nicknames. God damn.

Cue the “we’re trying too hard to impress” montage. One woman is too tan and owns a spray-tan company and has seen a lot of dicks. One woman asks Arie to smell her. I need to nap.

Okay, I’m awake again.

We do get Annaliese, who arrives in a mask because i LOVE WHEN PEOPLE WEAR MASKS ON THIS SHOW. We never learn your face. Maquel whips her head after she takes her helmet off like she thinks she’s in Talladega Nights. Maquel is 23 years old, and Maquel needs to focus her priorities elsewhere, in my humble opinion.

Then Chris Harrison comes in and reminds us all of the First Impression Rose, aka the You Gave Me My First Non-Viagra Boner In Years6. All the girls scream when Arie walks in and reminds us that it’s be FIVE YEARS since he was on this franchise. Five fucking years he just sat around and waited to be picked as Bachelor.

Chelsea is the first to swoop in and grab Arie, barely after their arms have fallen after the toast. All the girls are shooketh at how quickly Chelsea ran up in there, but guys - that’s the name of the game. Get in there quick, figure out if it’s right, and if it is, coo, if it’s not, bye. Go back to your normal lives. He literally has two-and-a-half baker’s dozens of women waiting to meet him over the span of basically three hours.

Arie thinks Chelsea’s mysterious after meeting her for 30 seconds. I guess her trying to appear mysterious worked for him, and now I’ve confirmed that likely Arie is one of the reasons Family Guy is in its sixteenth season. There are just some shows where I just wonder “who is still watching you?” Arie’s still watching Family Guy. He’s that kind of person. Chelsea talks about making a sacrifice and Arie’s like I’M INTRIGUED and I’m just like, bitch, tell him you have a kid and get it over with. Do not keep your kid a secret from someone you want to be your future partner. I don’t understand the looooogic. Chelsea is pissed when Maquel comes and interrupts them.

I love when people get upset at the general conceit of this entire show like it hasn’t been running since Arie was born (i.e. 850 B.C.). Chelsea is salty as hell that Maquel, who arrived in a racecar and is twenty-three years old, had the gall to interrupt her. She’s like, “Of course it’s the girl in the LOUD CAR that interrupted me.” Is there any girl you wouldn’t have been upset with, Chelsea? “Baby Christina Ricci over there interrupted me with her flat chest and baby face.” “One of the MILLIONS OF LAURENS interrupted me by being a Lauren all over the place!”

Quit it, Chelsea. Quit it7.

Maquel, who is still twenty-three trying to date a thirty-six year old8 takes a selfie with Arie, and god, he is so boring. Even his “goofy” faces are boring. Meanwhile, Khelsey is still complaining about how bad it would look for Maquel to interrupt them, and Maquel admits that she and Arie talked about pretty much nothing during their conversation.

These people.

Arie talks to some girl who doesn’t even get a chyron so clearly she’s a NonFactor of the moment, and we learn that 36-year-old Arie came back because he’s a Man now, instead of 31-year-old Arie, who was Just A Boy. We infantilze white men so easily in this country, ain’t no way in hell a 31-year-old is a boy. He still can’t stop mentioning his connection with Emily, though. He doesn’t know why it works better for him on The Bachelor than it does in real life other than it’s a completely isolated situation where your only focus is on one other person the entire time, so it’s just easier. Arie sounds lazy AF. Basically he’s telling us it probably didn’t work for him in real life because he moves far too quickly too easily and at least on The Bachelor it’s socially acceptable and actually praised.

Arie joins Marikh on an outdoor couch and he literally looks like a little boy talking to his therapist. I firmly take back every complaint I had about Nick last season because Arie is SO BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has nothing to say. At all. Everything is “I’m just as nervous as you,” and “I’m looking to meet someone, too.” There’s this amazing moment on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where Mauricio Umansky is talking and Camille Grammer is basically repeating everything he says to him back to his face “So sad,” “It’s so... sad.” and that’s what I imagine dating Arie is like.

If I wanted that, I’d get a parrot.

All of the black girls (and Annaliese, still wearing her sparkly mask) talk about if they’ve dated interracially before and honestly this is probably the most screentime at least two of them will have until they’re eliminated. I cannot tell any of these women apart - and they’re giving so many little cutaways of the girls just being hopeful that they’ll get a 1/30 chance of being picked or realistically, a 1/909 chance of being picked at The Bachelorette.

Brittany takes Arie aside and they race like, minicars and all she wants to do is kiss him. Brittany wins and gets a kiss, and I’m just thrilled a black girl got the first kiss of the season. SO PROUD. All the other girls are like, “wait, it’s been fifteen minutes and he’s already kissing?” Khelsey is mostly mad that she feels she had thirty seconds with Arie and everyone else got like, ten minutes or an hour or five years10.

Oh, Kendall brought her ukulele. She sang a song about fish. I am sitting here with just a stank face on. I can’t help myself.

There’s a lot of girls feeding Arie, including one girl who confesses that “pineapple” is her safe word. Jenna gives Arie a foot massage and she’s very in tune with her senses so her being 100% arms makes sense. Jenna’s a little drunk already and I love it. I love the first drunk girl. Annaliese is unsure if she wants Arie to see her face behind her mask, and she’s already my favorite becuase she’s “not a nickname kind of person.” Me either. My name has three syllables. Annaliese also has my favorite dress of the night - the teal gown with the cutouts, gorgeous.

Becca K. and Arie have nice, if not bland conversation, but it’s the conversation that two people who are comfortable have. So many of the girls are freaking out because they haven’t talked to Arie yet, and of course, here comes Human Toenail Chris Harrison to drop the First Impression Rose down. Having the First Impression Rose is both a good thing and a bad thing - clearly he likes you, but the girls already know you’re a threat.

The girls who haven’t had a moment essentially start lining up one by one and waiting in a corner to start interrupting Arie and trying to get their time in. And Khelsey, fueled entirely by the notion that She Was Robbed, decided now it’s time for her second go-around. She regrets going first because she’s worried about being forgotten. Krystal, my emotionally fragile broken bird, is with Arie, and he’s like, “I want to get to know you.” And the first thing out of her mouth is, “I’m a Libra.”

KRYSTAL STOP IT. Tell him you like health and fitness! Tell him you do work out videos or whatever! Hell, tell him you really like lipstick. ANYTHING BUT YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN, PUH-LEASE. Khelsey comes in when Arie is complimenting Kelsey’s voice11 and asks for more time. She doesn’t care if it makes her unpopular, getting a second round. Effectively, this is Khelsey pissing on Arie’s leg. She just wants to remind him of who she is and make sure that he knows she’s there for him. They kiss, and she’s nice enough to be like, “okay, go be with the other girls.”

How kind of you, Khelsey. She immediately runs to the other girls what she did and they’re all like, “oh, that’s who she is.” Because the house has zero clocks and they only have a rose to stare at, the girls are already going stircrazy. Khelsey’s literally like, “Oh, I didn’t know a few of you had never talked to him,” and pretending like she really cared. Arie wants to make sure the girl he picks is honest and truthful and really shares with him, which... god. It makes these women sound like peanut butter, and not in the RuPaul kind of way12. One girl is even like, my dad met you once and he just passed away but he approves, which is basically what everyone wants to hear on a first date.

Bekah, who is twenty-two years old and needs to get away from this franchise immediately, repeats her opening line over and over while Arie talks about three things that make him excited to be alive.

Excitement - Arie is excited about excitement and I am actually crying, he really is Lightly Salted Lays

Adrenaline - ... How is adrenaline any different from excitement? I’ll wait.

Pizza - It’s official, Arie is the personification of the Basic White Dude Starter Kit.

Bekah’s answers are straight fire. And she’s twenty-two years old. Arie’s a dweeb.

Arie comes in for the First Impression Rose, and he grabs Khelsey. Her re-return worked in her favor, and Arie appreciated her going after what she wanted. Krystal is especially pissed because she felt like she was in the middle of something with Arie when Khelsey came back.

We head into the first Rose Ceremony of the season, and the sun is rising. This entire experience seems exhausting. I’m one of those “I need a vacation from this vacation” kind of people - my time off is usually jam packed with all the shit I didn’t do because I was working, so I can only imagine that this would be my personal hell. I’m always tired. If they told me my call was 11:30 PM I’d be out. There are very few occasions where going out that late has ever ended well for me.

THE ROSES ARE GIVEN AWAY IN THE CEREMONY OF ROSES.

Becca K., Kendall, Lauren G., Koach Krystal, Bekah, Lauren S., Seinne, Caroline, Brittany T., Bibiana, Annaliese, Jenna, Valerie13, Jacqueline, Jenny14, Lauren B., Ashley, Tia, and Maquel all get roses. Maquel has the indecency to be like “Arie, why’d you do that to me?!” and that seems like quite the insensitive joke to be making at that moment, Maquel.

We’re saying goodbye to Ali, Amber, Bri, Brittane J., Jessica, Lauren J., Nysha and Olivia, of course, because we got to know them so well. Then again, Nysha did get an opening segment. Nysha, we barely knew you.

The girls are ejected into the daylight and while they’re upset now, they feel a heavy, boring burden lifted off of their shoulders. Arie’s in the driver’s seat now (eyeroll). It’s gonna be more like a Subaru than a racecar, though.

This Season on El Bachelor: We’re in Tuscany! We’re in Paris! Bekah making out in front of the Moulin Rouge! Making out in the snow! Tia’s in love! Krystal’s in love! My queen Sienne is in love! Khelsey thinks she deserves more time with Arie because she’s a mother and that means she gets more time. I don’t understand that logic, but okay. Bibiana’s not here to fuck around and tells the cameras to get out of her face. Krystal’s facade has broken. Everyone thinks Bekah’s so young (she is). Teary montage! Arie’s caught the feels! Someone’s ex is back and there to get his girl back.

... So, basically, your standard Bachelor season.

See you soon.

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Jessica looks like just Jessalyn Gilsig. So many people on this season are just versions of other people.

I’m so sorry this blog is so late. I’m catching up. I swear. I’m not going to be that behind. ONWARDS AND CATCHING UPWARDS.

How tired of the race car puns are we going to get and how quickly?

God damn it, even this show has me making stupid racecar references. ↩︎

They made out against the John Lennon Wall in Prague! I did that! ↩︎

I almost said the “white Portland” and then I realized they’re both the White Portland so, you decide. ↩︎

Why does everyone want to play the ukulele and no one wants to play the goddamn harmonica? ↩︎

Something something podcast something something. ↩︎

Arie is basically as old as Jax Taylor, who invented dating. ↩︎

I’m genuinely shocked that her name is spelled the traditional way, and not the millions of phonetic variations. I weirdly want to call her Khelsey. I keep typing Khelsey. ↩︎

YOU TWO HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON. I dated someone ten years older than I was and that to me was a fine line, I’m just lucky I had two older brothers who treated me like I was their age. Let me put it this way: Arie’s still using Snapchat and you think Instagram Stories are “old school”. ↩︎

My early predictions for The Bachelorette? Tia. I think if Raven had wanted it last season, it would have been hers - but for the first episode out, I’m just calling Tia my front runner. ↩︎

That’s Emily. ↩︎

Manic Pixie Vocal Fry tbh ↩︎

MUST BE JELLY CAUSE JAM DON’T SHAKE ↩︎

WHO? ↩︎

Along with 100 Laurens, they had a Jenny and a Jenna? Nothing is good in this world. ↩︎

#the bachelor #the bachelor recap #honey catching up is gonna be a disaster

[cwnerd12]

The Nightmare

“The Nightmare” David enters the hospital. He goes up to a nurse’s station, “I’m here to see Jack Benjamin.” Nurse, “He’s in room 204.” David, “Thanks.” David goes and finds the room. He opens the door, and sees Jack sitting on his bed, looking as he did before being shot. David, “Jack!” He goes over and hugs him, “I missed you so much!” Jack, “Who the hell are you?” David steps back, “I-I’m David.” Jack, “I don’t know any Davids.” David, “Yes, you do, you know me!” Jack, “Who are you?” David, “I- I’m your boyfriend! I love you!” Jack, “I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know who you are.” David, “Jack, come on, this is stupid, you escaped the palace to be with me!” Jack, “I’m heir to the throne of Gilboa, I can’t leave the palace.” David, “Jack!” Jack, “Get out of here.” David, “I know you know who I am!” Jack, “Get out!” A sudden loud BANG, Jack’s head jerks back, a bullet wound in his forehead, blood spattering the wall behind him. David spins and sees Gerald pointing a gun at Jack. In a safehouse, David jerks awake with a scream, sweating and panting. His eyes search the dark room around him, and he realizes it was just a dream. Beside him, Asher’s groggy voice, “Bad dream?” David, embarrassed, “Yeah.” Asher, “The woods, again?” David, “No, it… it was something else. Same thing happened in the end, though. Go back to sleep.” He sighs and lays there, dismayed.

David lays on a sofa, talking to Dr. Othman, “I’m pretty sure Asher is going to strangle me if I wake him up again.” Othman, “Or he could find a different room to sleep in.” David, “Yeah, but then someone else has to try to sleep next to me.” Othman, “How are your daylight hours going?” David, “Since Abner was crowned, the only two emotions I’ve experienced are angry and horny. Most of the time, I don’t feel anything, but, sometimes, those two pop up.” Othman, “And how are you dealing with them?” David, “In the past month, I’ve spent more time masturbating than I have in my entire life.” Othman, “That’s actually good. It’s a healthy way to deal with things.” David, “Okay. I guess I’ll keep doing it, then,” he sighs heavily, “When Jack was around, I never looked at anyone else, and now… I can’t stop looking at other people. And I’m bi, so it’s not like I can make it better by surrounding myself with just one gender. There are hot people everywhere, and I feel like shit every time I find myself looking.” Othman, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Separation is a hard enough thing to deal with, even under normal circumstances. It’s normal that you’re going to be frustrated. Whether or not you act on it, that’s a different issue.”

In his hospital room, Jack watches TV while Michelle does homework. A desk anchor on the news, “Today, the AFG has confirmed the identities of the twelve fighters sent to assassinate King Linus.” Michelle looks up from her homework. The screen shows pictures of the twelve dead Queens. Michelle shudders and looks away. Anchor, “They were all members of the elite fighting group called The Queens of Gilboa.” Michelle, “I can change the channel, if you want.” Jack shakes his head slightly. He opens and closes his mouth, but no words come out. Michelle, “Don’t strain yourself trying to talk. The words will come eventually, you just can’t rush it. Save your energy for therapy, okay?” Jack gives her a dirty look. Michelle, “Look, I know you’re angry and frustrated, but there’s no magic way to fix a brain injury over night. Believe me, I’ve looked. Just be glad you’re out of the ICU.” Jack looks away, annoyed. Michelle, “Being in the hospital fucking sucks. There’s no way around it.” Jack looks up at the TV. A reporter stands in front of a huge protest, “Today protests continue outside the palace, calling on King Linus to abdicate in favor of David Shepherd.” Suddenly, an explosion rocks the scene. Michelle stops doing her homework and stares. Reporter: “There’s been some kind of explosion, I’m not sure what happened, I need to get to a safe place…” Michelle puts her pencil own, “Shit!” She stands upend goes to the door, “I’m going to the ER, they’re gonna need my help.” She opens the door, but her guard, Nick, is there, “Where are you going?” Michelle, “Did you see the explosion on the news? I’m going down to the ER. I can help.” Nick, “You aren’t going anywhere.” Michelle, “I’m a fucking combat medic, I’m supposed to help in this kind of situation.” Nick, “Nope. I’m not letting you go anywhere you might escape.” Michelle, “What?” Nick, “Too many people, too much confusion, you’re staying here.” Michelle, “I’m not going to escape, I’m going to help!” Nick, “Sorry, I have orders.” Michelle, “Fuck your orders!” She tries to move past him, but he shoves her back into Jack’s room and shuts the door. Michelle tries to open the door, but the door handle doesn’t move, “Are you fucking locking me in here?!” She pouts on the door, “Come on!” Nick turns around. Behind him, the doctors and nurses rush down to the ER. Michelle, “Oh for fuck’s sake!” She pounds on the door, “Motherfucker!” She kicks the door, enraged.

Shay briefs David, “We’re sending our forces in Shiloh to help. It looks like the fucking Amalekites are at it again.” David, “I’ve been expecting something like this to happen. If we can’t figure out a way to go after Abner, we should at least figure out a way to go after Amal.” Shay, “Like Amal is going to be any fucking easier?” David, “Amal doesn’t have a palace full of security!” Shay, “Amal has an army of brainwashed fanatics, and he moves around!” David, “That’s still not a reason we can’t at least think about how we’re gonna try to get him. Maybe even try to gather some intel.” Shay, “I dunno what we’re gonna find.” David, “Anything is better than nothing. And, Amal might make another video. He seems to like the attention they bring. We might be able to glean something from that.” Shay, “So what do we do right now?” David, “Wait. If a video doesn’t come out in 24 hours, we should try sending some scouts around Shiloh, see if they can find anything suspicious. Until then, we just wait.” Shay sighs heavily, “Okay. You’re the boss.” David, “Do you think there’s something else we should be doing?” Shay, “Yeah, I do, but, I don’t know what it is.” David, “Don’t worry, I’m the same way.” Shay, “Are you doing okay, David?” David, “What?” Shay, “I probably shouldn’t ask, but, I know you’ve been in a pretty dark place since Abner took over.” David, “I’m doing as okay as I can be. I’m still here.” Shay, “Good. I worry about you, man.”

David walks down a hallway, and opens a bathroom door. He gets an eyeful of Beth, a very attractive girl getting out of the bath. She sees him. David, “Oh, shit!” He slams the door shut and tries to walk away. The door opens, and Beth comes out, wrapped in a towel, “Oh my god, I’m sorry!” David turns around and sees Beth, “Usually, I hear when someone’s in there, but you were… I should have knocked.” Beth, “I was taking a bath. Trying to relax. Self-care and all.” David tries really hard not to stare, “I should have knocked.” Beth, “Well, I guess my next phone call home is going to be really interesting. David Shepherd saw me naked. My sister is going to be really jealous.” David, “Nice to meet you.” Beth laughs, “I’m Beth, by the way. Beth Sebastiano.” She sticks out her hand. David shakes it, “I’m David, but I guess you know that.” Beth, “Yeah, I do.” She laughs nervously. His eyes inch toward her boobs. Beth, “Okay, well, I’ll let you use the bathroom, now.” She walks past him, her body brushing against his. David hopelessly stares at her ass (it’s a nice ass, too), “Yeah, okay.” Cut to: David jerks off furiously in the shower, and then leans against the wall, muttering, “Fuuuck!”

A physical therapist, Josh, helps Jack sit upright. Jack wears a helmet to protect his brain. Josh, “Okay, try to keep your head up. Lift your left leg for me.” Jack follows the instructions, grimacing as Josh counts to ten. Josh, “Good, now your right leg.” Jack lifts his left leg, but it doesn’t go as high as the right. Josh counts down to ten, “Excellent. You’re lucky to have regained innervation in your right side this quickly. Otherwise, you’d have a lot more muscular atrophy to contend with. Okay, let’s do it again.” He counts ten for the left side, ten for the right side, as Jack struggles. Josh, “Great! If you keep progressing, I think soon we’ll be able to start working on getting you sitting up on your own. That’s a big deal.” Jack flares his nostrils and sighs in frustration. Josh, “Let’s move you to the mat.” Josh and an assistant move Jack to lay down on a floor mat. Jack tries to sit up. He lifts his head and tries to raise his shoulders from the ground. Josh catches him and gently pushes him back, “Woah! Hey! Slow down! We’re not there yet.” Jack glares at him and grits his teeth.

In the living area of the safehouse, Shay, Joel, Asher, and Isaiah group around Shay’s phone, watching a video. Other soldiers crowd the room, including Beth, watching the video on someone’s phone from the arm of a chair. Shay gets up and yells, “David! Come here, you’ll want to see this!” David enters, “What?” He glances over, sees Beth, and they briefly exchange eye contact. Shay, “You were right, Amal released a video.” She holds her phone up for David to see. Amal stands in front of a row of Amalekites strapped with suicide vests, “Hello, Gilboa! I’m making this little video to say that, yes, the Amalekites are responsible for today’s explosion at the protests outside the palace. You’re welcome. I’d also like to promise you, there’s more where that came from,” he begins walking down the row of Amalekites, “Now, I know many of you aren’t sure whether or not you can trust certain figures who feature prominently in the news. Well, you can absolutely trust me,” he stops walking, “Unlike King Linus and General Shepherd, I have never once lied to you. Both Linus and Shepherd talk a lot about doing the right thing, serving one’s country, protecting the innocent, shit like that, and then what do they do? The exact same shit that I do. They kill people. Lots and lots of people. I, on the other hand, straight up tell you that I want to cause wanton destruction and hasten society’s downfall. Now, King Linus is an incompetent schmuck who, for thirty years, has done nothing but grovel at his master’s feet, and now his master is dead. How the hell is he supposed to lead his country through a time of war? I know that for this reason, many of you support David Shepherd, but I ask, has he really done anything to make this country better? Has he made anyone’s life better? He can’t protect you. He can’t even protect his own boyfriend. David was fucking there, and Prince Jack still got half of his brain blown out. Make no mistake, society is indeed falling apart. If you join King Linus or General Shepherd, chances are, you’re gonna die. If you join me, chances are, you’re gonna die, but I’m not bullshitting you about it. If, by some miracle, you happen to survive with me through this downfall, just imagine what you can do. You can re-build your life according to any wish you might have. You can be free, and not someone else’s definition of free. Join the Amalekites.” The video ends. Shay, “Asshole sure loves a monologue, doesn’t he?” David, “There’s gotta be some way we can identify this building. Look, we’ve got a shot of the width of the building, if we can figure out the length, we can try matching it to warehouses in Shiloh.” Isaiah, “I can estimate the width, but I can’t figure the length without getting a full view of the wall.” David, “One wall length is better than nothing,” he shakes his head, “I feel like I know this place. I don’t know why.” Asher, “Send it to Monique. She knows every abandoned warehouse in Shiloh.” Joel, “Okay, so if we manage to identify this place, then what? Do we just rush in like last time?” David, “It depends. If a scout can get a look inside the place, we can maybe formulate a plan. If it’s in Shiloh, that means getting to a safehouse won’t be a problem like it was last time.” We’re not pressed for time like we were- we have more time to be careful.” Joel, “The longer we take, the more attacks Amal is going to make.”

In the throne room. Abner makes a TV address, “Today’s cowardly attack on a peaceful protest will not go unanswered. I vow to uphold King Silas’s campaign against terrorism. Any group that threatens the safety and well-being of Gilboan citizens will be met accordingly.” The TV broadcast ends. Abner takes off his microphone. An advisor stands beside him, “Do you have any plans for going after the Amalekites, sir?” Abner, “I don’t care about them- the focus remains on Shepherd. He’s the only one who’s actually gotten close to me.” Rose goes up to Abner, “If you don’t stop the Amalekites, Shepherd will. Do you really want to give him another hero moment?” Abner, “I thought you were supporting Shepherd now.” Rose, “I said I like him better than you. I never said I actually like him.” Abner, “I can stop them both, I’m just going to stop Shepherd, first.” Rose, “Well, good luck, then.”

Josh and an assistant help Jack into his bed. Michelle sits in a corner watching the TV. Josh, “We had a good day today. Jack’s making really good progress. Michelle, focused on the TV, “Mm-hmm.” Josh takes Jack’s helmet off, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jack.” He and his assistant leave. The TV switches to Amal’s video. Michelle looks away in disgust, “I wish they wouldn’t show his videos. Free broadcasting for him,” she glances back up at the TV, “I hate his face. I hope David fucking kills him,” she looks at Jack, “How was therapy?” Jack huffs with frustration. Amal, “He can’t even protect his own boyfriend. David was fucking there, and Prince Jack still got half of his brain blown out.” Jack watches intensely. Michelle, “Oh, shit.” She hurries to turn the TV off, “He’s a monster, don’t fucking listen to him, okay?” Jack breathes heavily, gritting his teeth with rage. He slams his shoulders back into the bed. Michelle rushes to him, “Stop it!” Jack slams his shoulders again. Michelle grabs him, “Stop it! You do shit like this, they wont let you take that fucking helmet off!” Jack looks up at her, still breathing heavily, tears in his eyes. He opens his mouth, trying to speak, but nothing comes out. Michelle gently wipes away his tears, “I don’t know what to say to you. I know you’re in hell right now. You have every reason to be furious at everything.” She goes back to her chair, and drags it so she can sit beside Jack. She holds his hand, “Do you remember being shot?” Jack shakes his head slightly. Michelle, “Do you remember that day at all?” Jack shakes his head again. Michelle, “Maybe you’re lucky, then.” Jack glares at her. Michelle, “You must be sick of people telling you you’re lucky.” Jack nods. Michelle, “I’m sorry.” She squeezes his hand.

Late at night, David sits on a sofa, watching Amal’s video on a laptop. He goes backwards on it and re-watches a part where a window is visible. He sees movement, and looks up to see Beth looking at him. Beth, “Hi. Insomnia?” David, “Yeah. Haven’t really slept well in a long time.” Beth, “I’ve always been an insomniac. Mind if I sit with you?” David, “Sure.” Beth sits down on the other side of the sofa. David, “I know I’ve seen this warehouse before, I just can’t place it…” Beth, “I didn’t know you could tell one warehouse from another.” David, “Well, right now, I can’t, so you might be right.” Beth laughs softly. She sits quietly for a moment, and then says, “It was really unfair what Amal said about you and Jack. If it weren’t for you, Jack would be dead right now.” David, quietly, “Cameron was the one who saved him.” Beth, “Yeah, well, you led Cameron there.” David doesn’t say anything. Beth, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I can’t imagine that’s an easy memory to deal with.” David, “Why do you think I have insomnia?” Beth, “I can’t even imagine watching something like that happening to Yuri.” David, “Who’s Yuri?” Beth, “My boyfriend. He’s in the AFG.” David, “Oh. I guess that makes sense. Of course a girl like you would have a boyfriend.” Beth, “A girl like me?” David blushes furiously, “I- I mean, you- you’re good looking.” Beth, “Aren’t you gay?” David, “I’m bi. I generally prefer the term ryototsukai, but, well, I’m bi.” Beth, “Okay. I’m straight.” David, “That’s good to know. I guess.” Beth, “You must be really lonely without Jack.” David goes quiet for a long moment. Beth stares down at her feet. Finally, David says, “I was going to pick him up when he got shot. I went to Mt. Gilboa thinking that I’d have him in my arms again by that evening. I-” he pauses, thinking, “The last time Jack and I were together, I got stabbed, and then had surgery out in the middle of the fucking woods without any anesthesia, and I thought, for sure, that I would never experience anything shittier than that. Turns out, I was wrong.” Beth, “They can do that?” David, “Do what?” Beth, “Surgery without anesthesia.” David, “You wanna see the scar?” Beth, “Okay.” David puts the laptop on the floor, and lifts his shirt to expose his stomach, “This is where I got stabbed, this is where they did the laparotomy.” Beth leans in, “Holy shit.” She traces a finger down the length of the laparotomy scar, “That’s horrible.” David tries to hide his shudder. He lowers his shirt, “Still better than watching Jack get shot.” Beth goes back to her end of the couch, and David picks the laptop up again. David, softly, “I don’t even know if he’d recognize me. Brain injuries can do that. For all I know, he’s a fucking vegetable.” Beth, “I don’t think he is.” David, “Oh yeah?” Beth, “They aren’t saying anything because he’s getting well, and Abner doesn’t want to give you hope.” David smiles sadly, “Huh. That… that didn’t occur to me. Makes sense. I hope you’re right.” Beth, “I hope I’m right, too.” David watches Amal’s video again. He pauses it at a moment when the window is visible, “I know that window.” Beth, “What?” David, “There’s a window, here, I know it!” He turns the laptop around and shows Beth, “The red and blue glass panels, I saw those the first time I saw Monique perform! I know which warehouse this is!” Beth, “Oh my god!” David, “Well, Monique will know it. I don’t remember exactly where the warehouse is. Shit, I’ve gotta call her.” Beth, “Maybe you should wait.” David, “What?” Beth, “Monique will be pissed if you wake her up at 3 AM.” David, “Oh, yeah. Shay will probably be pissed, too.” He sighs and rubs his temples, “Fuck, I’ve got a headache.” Beth, “I’m gonna try to go back to sleep. Maybe you should try sleeping, too. Or at least lying in bed and thinking about how we’re gonna take out the Amalekites.” David, “Yeah, I’ll try. I guess.” Beth gets up and smiles at him, “Night.” David, “Night.” He watches her leave.

In the bathroom, David searches the medicine cabinet for aspirin. He grabs a bottle, takes out a few pills, and takes them. He puts the bottle back, and sees a box of condoms on the shelf. He stares at them for a moment, brain churning, hesitant. He grabs a strip of condoms and stuffs them into his pocket. He shuts the cabinet.

#Kings