#the funniest thing is how often they called each other buddy and pal in this episode

[glennmillerorchestra]

70s copaganda show or camille (1936)? the results may surprise you!

#the funniest thing is how often they called each other buddy and pal in this episode #like- that doesn't make it less gay IN the slightest #my theory is the writers cooked up these insane melodramatic plots just so they could put all of this into this dumb show #starsky & hutch

[michaelandy101-blog]

34 of the Greatest Workplace Pranks & Sensible Jokes to Use at Work

New Post has been published on http://tiptopreview.com/34-of-the-best-office-pranks-practical-jokes-to-use-at-work/

34 of the Greatest Workplace Pranks & Sensible Jokes to Use at Work

In the event you’ve watched the TV present “The Office” as religiously as I’ve, the traditional “stapler in Jell-O” trick absolutely sounds acquainted. It is just about what the title describes: Merely make a batch of Jell-O, however be sure that your colleague’s stapler is hidden contained in the mould.

It is a traditional prank. However what different, much less typical pranks are on the market so as to add some kicks to an in any other case common day on the workplace?

We requested our pals and combed the web for extra examples of among the funniest workplace pranks, and pulled collectively this listing to function inspiration on your personal work pranks.

Each firm has a narrative about that humorous workplace prank of yore. Whether or not you are performing some early April Idiot’s Day analysis, or simply feeling a bit tricksy, it is time to get a prank of your individual within the books. Listed here are some concepts.

Humorous Workplace Pranks to Pull on Your Coworkers

1. Caramel Onions

When Halloween is across the nook, these caramel onions are not any match for different tips (or treats). Dip every onion in caramel — perhaps some pink meals coloring first, if it is advisable to additional disguise them — and stick popsicle sticks down the middle. Your colleagues will not know the distinction, however they’ll surprise why these caramel apples are making them cry a lot…

Supply: Instructables

2. Nicolas Cage Bathroom Seat

Talking of Halloween, here is what nightmares are actually manufactured from. Nicolas Cage is straightforward to come back by within the meme neighborhood lately. Print an image of him at his most, nicely, enthusiastic — and permit him to greet everybody who takes a rest room break.

Supply: Pinterest

three. Fish Drawer

There’s one thing fishy about this workplace prank… Simply make sure to embody fish meals; consultants recommend you need to feed this prank twice a day.

Supply: Reddit

four. Pants within the Stall

Often, if you see toes beneath the stall, you simply have to attend your flip. On this case, you is likely to be ready perpetually. Set this man up in your workplace toilet and see how lengthy it takes for folks to start out speaking. We simply hope no person referred to as the paramedics on this poor, empty go well with.

Supply: BuzzFeed

5. Febreze for Days

Tighten the zip-tie, throw it, and run on your life. Or, go away it in your coworker’s workplace after they’re on break. They’re certain to return to a potent workspace.

Supply: Emlii

6. Vehicular Sticky Notes

That is the proper use for these sticky notes that maintain piling up — particularly in the event that they’re all for somebody who simply will not end his or her duties. The prank beneath is a superb method to remind them earlier than they take off for the day.

Supply: Reddit

7. Misspelling Macro

By no means ask your work buddy to unlock your iPhone for you, or they will make you seem like the worst speller of all time if you go to sort a textual content or e-mail. Settings > Common > Keyboard > Add new shortcut will make this prank a actuality in opposition to your most detail-oriented colleague.

Supply: Gottabemobile

eight. Foghorn Entrance

Have not you ever wished to get a room’s consideration the second you stroll via the door? Nicely, the prank beneath will even get the particular person getting into to face up straight. That is actually a technique to ensure everybody’s alert earlier than a gathering.

Supply: Reddit

9. Ballooned Convention

Hey, at the least it is not glitter? This prank works two methods: You’ll be able to both shock the subsequent workforce who reserves this room, or have a day-long assembly in right here with out anybody realizing your online business. You’ll in fact have some static electrical energy if you exit the room.

Supply: Reddit

10. Desk Trolls

For trolls, by trolls. Fortunately, you should purchase many of those trolls in bulk. Click here should you’re severe about trolling your coworker’s workstation — simply bear in mind you’ll have to purchase a couple of pack of trolls to make this stunt value it.

Supply: CollegeHumor

11. Water Works

Oh look, a finances journey to the seaside. This prank offers a complete new assembly to the time period, “staycation.” Shock your coworker when he/she comes again from a seaside getaway with, nicely, one other seaside getaway. The draw back is it will be nothing like the place they have been. The upside is they will not want a towel.

Supply: Imgur

12. Anti-Gravity Desk

“That’s it — you’re suspended.” Simply be sure that the one that arrives within the morning to a floating desk does not attempt to sit down…

Supply: Daily Mail

13. Nailed the Cake

Hey everybody, there’s cake up for grabs within the kitchen! The prank, nonetheless, is written in frosting. It is a good gesture to somebody who loves the expression, “needle in a haystack.” Comfortable searching.

Supply: Reddit

14. Psychedelic Supervision

“I don’t know, I feel like my boss is always watching me,” your coworker may say. Change their notion of micromanagement when this colourful prank. Immediately a “quick checkin” does not appear all that unhealthy.

Supply: Imgur

15. Voice Toast

Easy, but sensible. Change the phrases of breakfast ever so barely, and the kitchen turns into probably the most complicated room within the workplace. This little be aware pranks your complete workplace — a real masterpiece of prank-dom.

Supply: Tumblr

16. Work From Dwelling

As Ron Burgundy from Anchorman says, “I’m not even mad. I’m just impressed.” Assist your coworker who loves taking his/her work house, take their house to work as a substitute. As you’ll be able to inform, you may want to remain late the night time earlier than to get this prank excellent.

Supply: Reddit

17. You have Been ‘Felined’

This might really make your cat-loving coworker’s day. Or, it may make for the best prank of all time in opposition to the coworker who’s violently allergic to cats (that’s, so long as they don’t seem to be allergic to images of cats, too).

Supply: Reddit

18. The Seedboard

Work along with your IT division to fertilize this prank completely. Quickly sufficient, its person will surprise why their keyboard is rising. We recommend concentrating on somebody who sits near the window — some pranks simply want some daylight. “You said you wanted to spend more time with nature,” you may say in your protection.

Supply: BoredPanda

19. Wholesome Creme

Who stated you could not be useful whereas additionally being a prankster? “The bad news is we’re out of donuts. The good news is you have all these nutritious alternatives to help your immune system cope with the lack of donuts.”

20. The Ceilings Have Eyes

You could possibly freak out simply wanting on the photograph of this horrifying prank. It is likely to be a bit an excessive amount of on your jumpiest colleague, however for the one that cannot cease speaking about scary motion pictures, it is simply the revenge you deserve. (Trace: paper mache, white paint, and a black wig. Completed.)

Supply: Tumblr

21. Chair Scare

Just like the Entrance Foghorn (prank #eight, above), this prank will in all probability scare extra than simply the one that sits down. In fact, it will be a lesson to anybody who, I suppose, tries to sit down too low at their desk.

Supply: Reddit

Humorous Pranks to Pull on Your Boss

22. No Stalling

For the worker who by no means has sufficient time. Or, for the coworker who takes approach too many toilet breaks in the course of the day. Prank them with their very personal throne the subsequent time nature calls.

Supply: 22words

23. Glitter Bomb

About that complete, “At least it’s not glitter” factor in prank #9? Nicely, this prank cannot make that promise. For the coworkers who do not but know the permanence of getting glitter on your self, this prank is bound to set them straight.

24. Substitute Employee

Generally, you are unsure the way to ask for one more break day. For these days the place you merely cannot come into work, however haven’t got the center to name out once more, the doll who seems similar to you is the proper substitute. Or, simply put ’em at your colleague’s desk and provides them a much-needed id disaster.

25. Crushed It

If you lastly find out about your colleague’s movie star crush, be sure that they know the way a lot you care.

  #officeprank

A publish shared by Alice Lei (@alicerabbit1) on Aug 1, 2015 at four:04pm PDT

26. World’s ‘Greatest’ Boss

When phrases simply aren’t sufficient to specific your sentiment, give your supervisor the proper method to say “thank you” each time they go to take a sip of espresso.

27. Cup o’ Spiders

“Hey chief, I found a spider on your desk, but don’t worry, it’s been handled.” This prank does not need to have an precise spider in it — the thriller, alone, is all it is advisable to prank your worker.

28. That is a Wrap

For the boss who has all the pieces, it is the reward that retains on giving.

Supply: Giphy

Distant Pranks for Digital Groups

The above pranks are superior, however what about pranks which are inclusive for distant workers or groups which are 100% digital? These pranks are perfect for the digital workplace:

29. Flash Mob

Right here at HubSpot, we love flash mobs. That is why Head of search engine marketing Aja Frost and Weblog Supervisor Christina Perricone jumped on the likelihood of organizing a digital flash mob for one among our quarterly conferences.

It is a excellent prank for a big gathering however requires a little bit of prep — from selecting a track, deciding on the dancers, and educating the choreography. Nevertheless, the tip result’s value it for the shocked and delighted expressions on coworkers’ faces alone.

30. Digital Background Shenanigans

There’s a variety of pranking potential utilizing the virtual background feature in Zoom and different video conferencing platforms. For instance, one Twitter person creates a digital background with the surprising look of a doppelgänger… or perhaps a time warp?

So, I made a customized Zoom background for my subsequent assembly the place I convey myself a cup of tea. pic.twitter.com/DJBxrH5Cqv

— Graham/Jaws 19 (@Jaws19present) May 7, 2020

31. Leap Scare

One method to take the digital background prank to a different degree is by impersonating a horror film director and counting on one of many oldest scary film tips within the e-book: the sudden bounce scare. The video beneath walks via the steps for executing this prank efficiently:

Simply just remember to know who you are presenting to. The improper viewers might not respect the humor on this one!

32. You are Not on Mute

We have all heard the horror tales of customers who thought they have been on mute and went on to say one thing embarrassing. One prank could be to stage this example and make your coworkers suppose that you simply suppose you are on mute. You could possibly enlist somebody in your family to say actually embarrassing or fully outrageous, the objective being to see how lengthy your coworkers will watch in horror earlier than letting you recognize you are on mute.

33. Stolen Id

In case you have a office chat system, a easy and efficient prank is to “steal” somebody’s id by altering your show title and film to match theirs. The extra coworkers you get to comply with go well with, the simpler, hilarious, and chaotic this prank turns into. Better of all, it is easy to reverse on the finish of the day: Simply revert again to your unique show title and photograph.

34. Suppose Exterior the Field

With video conferencing apps, we’re restricted to our personal little sq. of digital actual property… or are we? This Twitter person subverts expectation by dumping water on a coworker in one other sq., stunning all the opposite assembly attendees:

I pulled off my very own lil #AprilFools prank as we speak in our each day digital assembly 😂☔️ pic.twitter.com/RjGW2RhgRT

— Phang (@PhilaUnionPhang) April 1, 2020

All you need to do is use somebody who can be in on the joke with you.

Pranking might be extraordinarily good for morale and firm tradition. In any case, why not have a bit enjoyable to interrupt up the workday?

Editor’s be aware: This publish was initially printed in October 2018 and has been up to date for comprehensiveness.

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#General

[ravenvsfox]

can u do kevineil and renison plslllsls ily

sure buddy sorry it took me a sec (I’ll do kevineil here and renison in a separate post :))

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

who is more likely to hurt the other?

dude this is a toss up because they’re both such BITCHES

like neil is a button presser and he pushes kevin to push himself and he doesn’t realize kev’s limits emotionally BUT kevin doesn’t get neil’s limits physically, and he def works him too hard?? they both canonically cycle through hurting and helping tbh

who is emotionally stronger?

I think Neil has the upper hand bc of his iron fucking will, while kevin’s still a little shaky on standing up for himself when it matters (neil! does not have this problem!). So I think they both have huge fractures in their emotional stability but Neil comes back swinging and Kevin breaks

who is physically stronger?

you best believe they fight about this once a week but it’s kevin 

he’s got killer strength in both arms and he’s been intensively training for that little bit longer, aware of what exy could make or break for that little bit longer so he’s jacked

neil is strong but small and lightweight mostly and kevin could beat him in an arm wrestle even if neil used both his arms :/

who is more likely to break a bone? 

this is maybe the funniest shit i’ve ever heard ‘who’s more likely to break a bone, the butcher’s son or kevin ‘i’ve never been skiing’ day’

who knows best what to say to upset the other? 

when they argue cities are wiped out pal like two men enter one man leaves it’s brutal but tbh it’s always gonna be neil? like it just is. kevin can spit whatever hateful ‘motivation’ he has shoved up his sleeves but neil knows just where kev lives and he’ll go for the kill shot every time

who is most likely to apologize first after an argument? 

it’s neil I think?? they’re both stubborn as fuck but I think neil gets so harsh that he scares himself, and he also knows how terrified kevin can be when he’s threatened so like. he’ll feel real bad real quick. In canon he was so pissed at kevin for being a coward, but the longer they’re together the more he realizes that kevin’s just surviving like neil has been his whole life, it just looks different. (after that he starts apologizing by climbing into kevin’s bed or sliding him a shot of vodka or grabbing his gear and kevin’s hand and going to the court)

who treats who’s wounds more often? 

like definitely kevin treats neil’s because neil is a gd disaster and kevin wants him FIXED and WHOLE forEVER but also consider Neil grabbing kevin’s bad hand and working the tension out of it?? Checking on him after games bc kevin goes too hard and kevin calls him a hypocrite and then they probably fuck

who is in constant need of comfort? 

in a truly shocking turn of events it’s both of them, and the overlap in their nightmares is something that binds them together. Remember kevin’s awkward little offer for help after riko?? and how touched neil was??? Like that’s how it goes a lot of times. They talk out their common ground and tear each others nightmares apart. They have a lot of convergent shit that only they can fully understand about each other, bc they were raised in the same horror show and they helped each other escape 

who gets more jealous? 

mmmmm I’m gonna say kevin bc neil is very pretty and very unaware of it, and neil is still the least observant man on earth

kevin just feels a lot all the time tbh and he’s so painfully reliant on neil that he doesn’t now how to deal with his place being threatened™️️

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? 

okay see: above where I said kevin’s reliant on neil like hi in what world would he walk out on his prized striker and also neil still has his kevin binder and he looks at it when he’s sad don’t tell me either of them could make it one full minute apart

who will propose? 

do either of them know what marriage is honestly neither of them would even consider it?? Until -- you guessed it -- kevin gets injured and neil’s like cool hi im here and the hospital is like nah u gotta be married and neil’s like married?? we must be this

who has the most difficult parents?

idk babes what do u think dead murdering abusers or David Wymack?? I’ll give you time to think

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? 

kevin holds neil’s hand like it’s a leash i’m gonna be real with you

I feel like a lot of these answers are the same as andreil bc they’re.... all........ together

who comes up for the other all the time? 

idk who do you think is more obsessed with the other let’s ask neil’s binder full of kevin

who hogs the blankets? 

it’s kevin he hogs the spotlight and the ball and the blankets what can I say

who gets more sad? 

a BAD question with a VERY BAD answer sorry but they both do pal. buddy. dude. they had terrible childhood’s and a brutal time cutting themselves free and they’ll never be all the way better (but like they get really really close. together.)

who is better at cheering the other up? 

depends on ur definition of cheering up bc neither of them are particularly cheerful lads

if Neil’s in a rut kevin will just nudge him and suggest Exy and if that doesn’t work he’ll drag neil out drinking or driving (not both lmao) and neil kind of hates it but at least he’s not empty

(when neil asks kev to play exy it’s always yes)

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

this....... doesn’t happen........... kevin & neil doen’t know what a joke is........ u know that ‘it went over your head’ ‘nothing goes over my head, i would catch it’ meme from gotg.. yeah... that was written about them

who is more streetwise?

uhhh definitely neil? like their origin story is literally that kevin was put on this hyper sheltered restricted path and Neil was plucked off of that same path and put on the run

Kevin was swaddled in fear and routine so he couldn’t move. Neil was set loose into a war zone, and he knows his way around that war zone now

who is more wise?

depends on what ur asking mate. History trivia kevin’s your guy. math problem, get Neil. Exy, they can fight to the death tbh

like they’re both pretty dense about a lot of obvious things but intensely intelligent in specific fields so pick your poison

who’s the shyest? 

I think kevin participates in a sort of forced shyness? like he has his public face and he has his obnoxious callout asst. coach mode, but his actual true, scared, caring core?? we almost never see it. Neil’s bitchiness is an echo of his actual frustration and passion and kevin’s is more definitely a front

who boasts about the other more? 

guys holy shit remember when neil wiped riko across the floor at that first talk show reunion situation?? Neil’s constantly like ‘HI kevin’s king of the castle and ur a dirty rascal, eat my ass’ like he might fight him in private but he thinks kevin created the world, like he physically can’t imagine Exy without Kevin in it

who sits on who’s lap? 

im laughing picture kevin trying to sit in neil’s lap the height difference would be. something

but also kevin likes to be protected so catch him lying down w his head in Neil’s neck and his feet dangling off the bed

(also neil sits in kevin’s lap and kevin looks up at him like he’s GOD)

#a pairing that I have not spent enough time considering and will now be thinking about forever #kevineil #aftg #the foxhole court #hc #ask meme #long post #Anonymous #ask

[funnythingshere0-blog]

The 50 Funniest Jokes About All 50 States

New Post has been published on http://funnythingshere.xyz/the-50-funniest-jokes-about-all-50-states/

The 50 Funniest Jokes About All 50 States

Alabama

Allard One/ShutterstockWhen a visitor to a town in Alabama spotted a dog attacking a boy, he grabbed the animal and throttled it with his bare hands. An impressed reporter saw the incident and told him the next day’s headline would scream “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal.”

“I’m not from this town,” said the hero.

“Then,” the reporter said, “it will say ‘Alabama Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'”

“Actually,” said the man, “I’m from New Hampshire.”

“In that case,” the reporter grumbled, “the headline will be ‘Yankee Kills Family Pet.'”

Check out these short jokes that anyone can remember.

Alaska

fon thachakul/ShutterstockAn Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”

Arizona


fotomak/ShutterstockIt’s so hot in Arizona, cows are giving evaporated milk and the trees are whistling for dogs.

Arkansas


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockAn Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.

He says to the driver, “Got any ID?”

The driver asks, “‘Bout what?”

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California

Teri Virbickis/ShutterstockThe Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion’s yelling, “OK! OK! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

These hilarious dad jokes will have you laughing until you cry.

Colorado

Paul Brady Photography/ShutterstockHow do you know you’re in the presence of a real Coloradan? He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car.

Connecticut

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWhat’s the difference between Massachusetts and Connecticut? The Kennedys don’t own Connecticut.

Delaware


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockA DuPont chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“You mean aspirin?” says the pharmacist.

“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

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Florida


Vlad G/ShutterstockMy parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
—Jerry Seinfeld

Georgia

Sue Smith/ShutterstockHow do you know you live in Georgia? When all directions start with “Go down Peachtree …” and include the phrase “When you see the Waffle House …”

If you have this phobia, you actually don’t know how to take a joke.

Hawaii

northallertonman/ShutterstockWhat do you call a Hawaiian murder mystery? A Hula-Dunnit.

Idaho


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWant to join a militia? Idaho’s your state. Here are some terms to learn:

Commander: Whoever starts the unit.

Second in Command: His best friend.

Auxiliary Commander: His wife.

Captain: New guy.

Militia Headquarters: The basement of whoever has the fax machine.

Squad: Guys in the ambulance who come out when a militia member accidentally shoots himself during training.

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Illinois


Henryk Sadura/ShutterstockThis is how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough.”
 —Richard Jeni

Indiana

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockWhat is the difference between Indiana sports fans and puppies? Eventually, the puppies will grow up and stop whining so much.

Iowa


Sopotnicki/ShutterstockWhat do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald’s in Iowa? Prom night.

Kansas


Sue Smith/ShutterstockWhat do a jackknifed semi in Ohio, a guy getting a divorce in Alabama, and a tornado in Kansas have in common? They’re all fixin’ to lose a trailer. For more laughs check out these corny jokes.

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Kentucky


photo.ua/ShutterstockHow do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?

If it’d been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.

Louisiana

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockWhat differentiates a zoo in Louisiana from other zoos? The Louisiana zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 

Maine

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockAfter surveying property along the New Hampshire and Maine border, some engineers decided the boundaries needed to be changed. So they stopped to tell a farmer that he was no longer in Maine but in New Hampshire. “Good,” said the farmer. “I couldn’t take another one of those Maine winters.”

Maryland


Katherine Welles/ShutterstockAn admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. “Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?”

“Sure, buddy,” says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.

“That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?”

The plebe snaps to attention and barks, “No, sir!”

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Massachusetts


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockLewis Black on Boston traffic: “The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling, ‘The British are coming! The British are coming!'”

Michigan


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWhat do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.

 Every nerd will love these hilarious math jokes. 

Minnesota


Katherine Welles/ShutterstockWhat are the four seasons in Minnesota? Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

Mississippi


photo.ua/ShutterstockHow do you know when you’re staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, “I’ve gotta leak in my sink,” and the person at the front desk says, “Go ahead.”

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Missouri


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockA man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, “Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?”

The bartender says, “Listen, pal, I’m from St. Louis, and I won’t appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he’s from St. Louis too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?”

“No,” says the guy from Kansas City. “Not if I have to explain it three times.”

Montana

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockFour women are driving across the country together, each one from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Montana, and California. Shortly after the trip begins, the woman from Idaho pulls potatoes from her bag and throws them out the window. “What are you doing?” asks the Nebraskan.

“We have so many of these things in Idaho, I’m sick of looking at them.”

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska pulls ears of corn from her bag and tosses them from the window. “What are you doing?” asks the gal from Montana.

“We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I’m sick of looking at them.”

Inspired, the Montanan opens the car door and kicks the Californian out.

Nebraska

marekuliasz/ShutterstockJust keep driving. When something changes, you’ll know you’re out of Nebraska.

Nevada

RedTango/ShutterstockLas Vegas: All the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.
—Jason Love

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New Hampshire

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockThe state motto is “Live Free or Die,” which appears on license plates made by prisoners.
—Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

New Jersey


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockAs you know, the bear hunting season in New Jersey is a little bit different. First, they shoot the bear and then they bury it in a construction site.
 —Late Show with David Letterman

New Mexico

Tim Roberts Photography/ShutterstockTraveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. “What are you doing?” asks the man.

The tribesman replies, “Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph.”

“Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?”

“No,” says the Native American. “They ran over me five minutes ago.”

These funny pirate jokes will have you talking like a pirate, matey.

New York

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockI moved to New York City for my health. I’m paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.
—Anita Weiss

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North Carolina


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockOn his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, “Do you go to Harvard?”

The girl responded, “Yale.”

“OK. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!” 

North Dakota


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWhat’s a seven-course meal in North Dakota? A hamburger and a six-pack.

Ohio

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockHow do you know you’re from Ohio? You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

Oklahoma


Paul Brady Photography/ShutterstockHow can you tell if an Oklahoman is married? There’s dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

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Oregon

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockHoward dies and waits in line for judgment. He notices that some souls go right into heaven, while Satan throws others into a burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, the devil tosses him aside. Curious, Howard asks Satan,
”Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?”

“They’re from Oregon,” Satan replies. “They’re too wet to burn.”

Pennsylvania


LesPalenik/ShutterstockWhat do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth? A mechanic.

Rhode Island

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWelcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because it ends in 40 feet. All the grammar nerds will get a kick out of these funny grammar jokes.

South Carolina


photo.ua/ShutterstockWhile fishing off Myrtle Beach, a Yankee tourist capsized his boat. Petrified, he yelled to an old guy standing on the shore, “Are there any gators around here?!”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore.
 Halfway there, he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do anything,” the old guy said. “The sharks got ’em.”

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South Dakota

Ingo70/ShutterstockA tough old Badlands rancher once told his grandson that the secret to long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren … and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Tennessee

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockDo you know what you get when you play a country tune backward? You get your job back, your house back, your wife back, your dog back …

Texas

photo.ua/ShutterstockKinky Friedman, an entertainer and former Texas gubernatorial candidate, explains how to speak Texanese: “Y’all is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’all’s is plural possessive.”

Utah


Lauren Orr/ShutterstockAn elderly Mormon visits his doctor and asks if he’ll live to be a hundred.

“Do you smoke or drink?” asks the doctor.

“Those things have never and will never touch my lips,” says the man.

“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?”

“Nope, don’t believe in doing any of that, either.”

“Well then,” says the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

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Vermont


Brett Godfrey/ShutterstockWhat did the guy from Burlington say to the 
Pillsbury Doughboy? “Hey, nice tan.” These funny dog puns will give you paws.

Virginia

Katherine Welles/ShutterstockIn my day, Virginia was for people who were just friends, not lovers.

Washington


Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockIn Seattle, you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.
—Jeff Bezos

West Virginia

Joseph Sohm/ShutterstockWhat is the West Virginia state flower? The satellite dish.

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Wisconsin


Henryk Sadura/ShutterstockSven notices his neighbor has a sign in his yard—”Boat for Sale.”

“Ole,” he says, “you don’t own a boat. All you got is your old tractor and your combine.”

“Yup,” said Ole. “And they’re boat for sale.”

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