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#the fact that you truly don’t know how ur idols used to be or how they ARE outside of the camera is so..
euphoricfilter · 1 year
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hybrid - Jin - “will you help me please” BYE COMING UP W A SENTMCE IS SAUR HARD
also pretty pls don’t make it smut ik it sounds like it could be used for that and ur instructions didn’t say we could decide so at the end of the day it is ur choice but pls consider not doing so <3
inconvenient convenience:
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pairing: dog! seokjin x fennec fox! reader
genre: fluff || non-idol au || strangers to lovers || hybrid au
summary: as much as you liked to poke fun at jin for believing in things as trivial as fate, there’s no denying your love story was moulded by destiny.
word count: 1.3k
tags/ warnings: tooth rotting fluff, that is all, peep the zero o'clock reference
notes: ikr!!! it’s always so difficult :’) dw babes if you don’t specify you wanted it, then i wouldn’t have added it!! ~ prompt from this drabble game
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
There’s something oddly surreal about shopping for snacks in a convenience store so late into the night, when the world holds its breath for a second and a new day starts.
Where streets are empty, muted glow of the streetlights spotting the path. Where stray cats look like shadows and the shadows look like never-ending black holes, where one step too far into the darkness will suck you in with no escape. Refuge found in the bold square of bright white light, window of the corner shop creating a small island of safety from what lurked in the darker places, ready to pounce.
When Jin thinks back to the start of your relationship, he likes the idea that the two of you had met so late into the night. Ever the romantic he is, he felt as though it solidified the fact you were the only two people in the world in that exact moment—if you ignored the young worker sat behind the counter, hours away from his shift ending with his phone’s volume on full blast, an onslaught of sounds picking at your ears if you’re stupid enough to not bring your own music to block it out.
It was easy for him to say it now, but he swears from that one fateful encounter, you were the only one for him. Where truly the world was your own, simply built for the two of you, and although a convenience store isn’t the most romantic place to meet your soulmate, Jin feels as though it had been the perfect place for a blossoming romance to start.
And as much as you liked to poke fun at him for believing in things as trivial as fate, there was no denying that your love story was moulded by destiny.
“Will you help me please?” you’d tugged on the sleeve of his hoodie, taking a step backwards as he’d tugged one of his earphones from his ears.
“Oh, I don’t work here” he shakes his head, watching as you chew on your bottom lip; your cheeks dusting rosy red when his eyes meet your own.
“I know” you’d nodded, voice pinching a little higher than normal, “But that kid scares me, so I thought I’d ask you for help instead?” you peep, so unsure of yourself that he feels a little bad for how defensive he must have come off.
His lips pull up into a gentle smile, a lame attempt to ease the anxiety that was rolling off you in thick waves, “Sure, what did you need?”
Your shoulders deflate, corners of your lips almost tugging upwards as you point behind you, “There’s this drink in the fridge but It’s right at the back so I can’t reach it”
You turn on your heels when he nods, and Jin watches as the sandy fur of your tail bushes out a little more when a scooter speeds down the road outside, honk of its horn startling the both of you that his hybrid ears twitch in the direction of the door. Somewhat of a reminder to him that really it isn’t only the two of you, whole world of people living their lives beyond those doors.
“That one” you point at the offending object, stepping out of Jin’s way when he pulls the door of the fridge open.
Knowing he wouldn’t be able to reach, Jin steps up onto the little ledge on the floor of the freezer, and you cringe as it creaks under his weight; only praying he doesn’t fall because you had no plans of trying to catch him if he were to topple over.
“All done” he falls back onto his feet, fridge door clipping shut just as your fingers take hold of your juice.
“Thank you” you beam, dropping it into the basket that you had left when going on your search for help.
“Seokjin” he says, and your eyebrows furrow.  
“Pardon?”
“My name” he thrusts his hand in your direction, heart pattering just a little faster when you take it, “Kim Seokjin”
“It’s nice to meet you, Seokjin” and he feels his heart swell at the pretty little laugh you let out.
Regret had settled in when you’d bid him farewell with a pretty smile and a good night, because he hadn’t asked for your contact details and now, he was left dreaming of the pretty girl he’d met nights ago with no way of asking you on a date.
He’ll admit it to you now, laughing over how soppy he must have sounded in the few days before your second chance encounter, but back then, he’d spend every free moment thinking about all the places he’d love to take you; wondering what you liked, what you didn’t. All he had was your name and a few fleeting memories of how pretty you’d looked under the florescent lights of the convenience store, with fluffy pyjamas on and the most precious smile on your face.
It had been a week after your first meeting when he’d stumbled upon you again, further solidifying the fact you were destined for one another in his mind; because surely if you were to meet again unplanned, it had to mean something.
You’d been working at a café at the time, Jin on his way back from the library—far too late in the day for coffee but he had no plans of sleeping early, so the extra caffeine boost wasn’t unwelcomed.
It had been comical, how both your eyes had widened, pure unfiltered shock on your faces.
“Seokjin?” you’d smiled, and he had to remind himself how to breathe, words on the tip of his tongue that he wondered if he should utter or not; too worried he’d scare you away.
“Do you want to go on a date?”
Instant regret had washed over him after that, watching your face morph into that of confusion and then a soft smile tugging onto your face that had Jin mirroring your expression.
You lean over the counter, hands cupped over your mouth, “I was hoping you’d ask me the last time we’d met”
Your nose scrunches up when you fall back onto your feet, fingers tapping away his order on the screen.
“When do you get off work?” he’d asked, leaning against the counter when the onslaught of customers dies down and you’re left wiping down tables.
Jin truly believes the two of you belong together, even with the trials and tribulations of two species living under one roof, compromise had become important, but he would give up anything as long as the two of you could stay by one another’s side.
He didn’t mind how warm you needed the house even if he did have to sleep with the blankets off most nights, always making sure you were wrapped up warm on the days it was too cold for you outside; hybrid side showing as you shiver, even with the sun out. Standing tall to any other men that tried to pry into your little bubble, and as much as Jin brushed you off, rolling his eyes when you call him your perfect guard dog, a small part of him liked the idea that he could stay like this forever; warding off anyone neither of you liked, keeping you safe, knowing you were okay.
“Jin!” you wave, almost tripping over the uneven pavement as you skip towards where he’s stood outside the convenience store.
“I got the juice you like, baby” his arm wraps around your shoulder, craning his neck for a soft kiss that has his heart thumping hard against his chest, because no matter how long the two of you are together every kiss always feels like the first, “they actually had it restocked this time so I it was easy to reach”
You push yourself up onto the tips of your toes, featherlight kiss pressed to his cheek, “Thank you”
“I thought we could go to the park” his tail wags and you snicker.
“You really are a dog” your fingers interlace with his, “That’s fine, as long as we can get dinner on the way home”
“Of course, my darling” he swings your arms between your bodies, “There’s this new place that opened up downtown and the reviews are good”
As much as you liked to poke fun at Jin for believing in things as trivial as fate, there was no denying that your love story was moulded by destiny, starting with a truly inconvenient convenient encounter.
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💫 thank you for reading!! feedback is always welcome
permanent taglist: @m1sss1mp @supernoonanyc
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anakirui · 2 years
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can we talk about how sad c!tommys relationship with c!skeppy is
c!tommy literally idolizes that man way too much he is so bad. like why did you say c!skeppy was ur best friend when u were on probation when all he’s done before that is threaten to kill you, push you into starting a war, tell you your best friend will leave you, and admit to c!dream that he wants complete power over you and the server. in fact, skeppys first fucking action on the entire server was griefing tommys house and stealing one of his discs to burn it in front of his face, an action NOBODY else has fucking done. (and yes he gave him a dono after doing that, but the fact is that being their first interaction is not a good basis for a friendship of any sorts.)
it gets even worse when c!skeppy ends up killing friend, like c!tommy is mad for a few seconds only to go and use “skep verb” right after and act like he doesnt care. then c!skeppy literally ends up stealing multiple stacks of diamonds from him and an entire set of netherite without his permission, and c!tommy gets offended when everyone around him insinuates that c!skeppys actions werent right, insisting that c!skeppy isn’t a “wrongun.” every time c!skeppy has ever made him mad, he just brushes it off as if it isn’t important, as if it doesn’t truly hurt him in the same way that it would if anyone else did.
and yet he has no idea how ecstatic c!skeppy was when c!bad suggested blowing up c!tommys hotel, he has no idea how much c!skeppy giggled when he and c!bad realized they could manipulate him, he has no idea how c!skeppy gossiped behind c!tommys back with c!dream for being an “annoying child”, he has no idea that the person he looks up to so much loathes him and expects the absolute worst from him
and yet he hates c!bad. c!bad, who has done the same or maybe even less torment gets hated as he should, but not c!skeppy. he SHOULD hate c!skeppy, but he won’t, still insisting that they’re friends even when c!skeppy himself says that they aren’t at all. even when c!skeppy tells him to his face that he’s a bad friend.
... i wonder if c!tommy wants some sort of acknowledgement from c!skeppy, and that’s why he chooses to stick in denial. maybe it’s because of that one time c!skeppy did praise him for his pvp on c!quackitys first day on the server. i don’t know too much about c!tommy outside of general knowledge, so if anyone wants to add onto this and maybe explain why c!tommy is so attached to this concept of c!skeppy being a close friend to him, please do so
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theday · 3 years
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sighs
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fushiomi · 3 years
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Here’s a video on how to reach Liber/Eng staff about the termination of the English server:
[Video ID: Player is in the A3! app, the songs “Insert the Sunshine” and “Slowly Flowing”, both OST from the game, are playing. The player click on the profile icon, (the content isn’t important). They click on their bio and write “Hi” with a kaomoji on the side, then they write a letter “i” and hesitate before deleting it and click off. They exist their bio and leave the profile page. They instead click on the “Support” button which leads them to a page titled “A3! for Appstore inquires”, there’s a hyperlink that reads “For feedback regarding the ceasing of operations”, and below that in smaller writing it reads “Frequently asked questions (FAQs)”. There are four options viable to the viewer, “I want to play on another device”, “I have received my purchased Gems”, “I can’t login. / I got error 904/905/906.” The player clicks on the hyperlink that leads them to a page to give feedback, it has a green banner and says “For feedback edgar ceasing of operations. Below it reads: “Players that have any opinions or feedback on regarding ceasing of operations can do so here. A disclaimer is below that reads “*Although feedback from users will be reviewed, we cannot respond to individual users”. Green text above a box is present after scrolling, it reads “Please input your feedback here.” The user types in “don’t please ahaha you’re (stylized as ur) so sexy” with a winky emoji, they then access their emoji keyboard and place a broken heart. They can clarify “Actually write something serious though (written tho) with a kaomoji of a smiling person, then press done (two exclamation points) don’t spam and remember to be kind (two exclamation points)”. They then click off the page and settings, the video ends with them on the main page of the game. End ID]
Bellow the readmore is what I ended up (actually) submitting, if you want to copy and paste it, please make a few changes! But ultimately what I felt like was needed to highlight:
- Marketing issues and comparisons between other games that handled international marketing.
- The sudden nature of the announcement and how it impacted the player base.
- The fact the game does have a fanbase and has a market (leads back to the point of bad marketing), and that the success in Japan is an example that the game does have ability to be a hit.
- Other options that don’t include terminating the server (such as a temporary hiatus).
Other ideas: Events to connect with the fanbase (example: art contests where winners get “X” amount of gems), twitter events (“Y” amount of retweets in “Z” days will give “X” reward”), subtitles of the stage play so international fans have more content to interact with, etc.
DISCLAIMER: I wrote this while still drowsy from crying and sleep medication, so if you’re able to, please help us write something better than… this.
“Hello, I hope this review/feedback finds you well.
As you can imagine, this is about the ceasing operations of the A3! English/International servers, and the opinions and ideas I (as well as other players) have.
I’ve been observing the way the player base has reacted to the news and, not so surprisingly, the reaction has been pretty negative. A lot of players feel overwhelmed with the sudden news, many disappointed at – what feels like – the sidedness of the decision. While we are all thankful for the amazing localization of the game, we can’t help but feel deeply saddened and, in more extreme cases, betrayed at the decision. The game has garnered quite a community, notably in social media sites such as Twitter and Tumblr, as it became quite a vital and comfort game for many.
Alongside seeing the way the player base has reacted, I looked at the graphics and economical side of things and noticed how players in the server have been lowering. Which, alongside the pandemic and loss of profit Cybrid and Liber have been experiencing as of the last two years, is what I imagine is impulsing the decision to halt activities.
With all of that in mind, I personally still think that terminating content to the English server is a bad idea — in the long run, that is.
The last two years have been quite a financial struggle for many, and to decide to end the game due to loss of profit seems hasty. While I understand it’s not possible to continue operations, I think halting operations until further notice would be a better idea.
Instead of completely pulling the plug, halting operations while focusing on marketing would honestly work better.
The marketing of the game has been, for lack of a better word, quite messy. I think there were lot of missed opportunities, marketing the game as found family and card game — where you accompany a group of people to achieve their dreams — would have been a better strategy than saying it was an otome game - which is what led to a lot of player joining and then leaving due to the lack of romance wh the characters. A good example of marketing, in my opinion, would be the Obey Me! franchise or games such as Cookie Run.
I’m saying all of this, but what I mean is, if the team behind it focused more on the advertisement on social media’s such as twitter and ads on youtube where the nature of found family and the true nature of Mankai (a company where family and brotherly love blooms) the game would find and flourish in the demographic, since it’s not unheard of players wanting a game like that — especially in the west.
Basically, what I’m saying is that I think the idea of terminating operations on the English server is a bad idea especially when there is an obvious marker for it, and A3! really does fit it. Personally, I think halting the events and focusing on marketing the game further — truly pushing the game with ad’s (which could include in game CG’s where we see how the boys grow and connect as a family) where the nature of A3! is shown clearly, A3! English server could absolutely bloom into something amazing.
A3! is about not giving up, even when things get tough, and to try and reach an audience – which is why, I guess, seeing you guys give up on it seems… sad and like a truly missed opportunity.
As someone who’s been with the game since launch, the game has so much potential, so please, please give it another try. Focus on the marketing, push it with ads on youtube and instagram, put the boys’ face out there and make the focus of the story known.
Look into the way games such as Obey Me!, the idol games (mostly female based), and other successful asian/japanese games have marketed themselves and try to adapt it into A3!. An example, instagram ads where you can see parts of a CG (let’s say the Muku and Yuki from Act 1) where Muku comforts Yuki, the voice lines there as you hear the game music and subtitles playing. Be honest about the gameplay, it’s not the most exciting, but market it as fun, add more rewards for when you train the actor — more gems or maybe trophies if you train “X” amount of times in a day instead of just a training card. You can even make more Eng server exclusive cards to insensitive Japanese players to also engage with the English server.
I feel like there are so many ways to go about it that don’t include shutting down the game, because shutting down the game truly feels like the easiest way out… but it doesn’t mean it’s the best way.
Anyway, I hope nothing in this feels malicious, I'm simply passionate about it as someone who’s invested hours and hours, almost 700 days of their life, onto this, A3! and the Mankai company feels like a part of my life, and as many others feel as well, I don’t want to let go. Not when I know there’s so many events and games, gachas and character, left for us as international players to experience.”
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aetherarf · 3 years
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can i request diluc’s s/o trying to convince him to perform this song at the windblume festival
the s/o plays the guitar
kaeya plays the drums
rosaria plays the piano
and venti plays his lyre
anon... ur mind... bless....
also its been a long time since ive used tumblr outside of posting my writings, WHEN WAS PUTTING HYPERLINKS IN ASKS A THING?
[ i tweaked some of the ideas you offered... just read :) ]
this request killed me its so long. sorry if its weird.
[[ Summary: The wind embodies change, and with it, even the Harpastum festival must change... And you're intent on bringing the change.
Word Count: 4'855 ]]
Countless pages of sheet music, of instruments awkwardly acquired through countless means, songs written...
You looked over the mass of objects. It looked messy, but... hey, they weren't being used right now!
Harpastum had always been a great time for celebration, for bringing loud joy and exuberance... And you were in charge of heralding another change in the City of the Wind.
You intended on putting together a massive performance, a band all together to play music, and to gather Mondstadt to bear witness. However, there was a few problems with this..
You may have written all the music, but you were one person. You couldn't play all the instruments, even if you had reasonable grasp of all of them, and you definitely couldn't sing the lead part--Your voice just couldn't project well enough, as well as you couldn't hit the necessary notes.
You had a few weeks before it was time for you to put everyone on the stage... was that enough time?
... You'd have to figure it out then.
Maybe you could ask Barbara for help? She had her own concerts from time to time, as Mondstadt's Idol herself, so... She might know how to help.
... Sigh. The cathedral.
A quick walk through and a few questions with the sisters told you Barbara was taking a day off--of course, you were happy for her! She never was very good at taking care of herself, but it just left you frustrated with the fact that you truly were alone to figure this out...
You couldn't sit another minute amongst countless instruments that taunted you, so you sat on a bench, looking over the papers you carried with you...
You could take one of the spots... Whatever was left over, really, minus being the singer. Actually--you had an idea of who could be the singer, so you didn't really worry too much, that'd be the easiest of this whole ordeal... it was just... everything else.
"Yahoo! Wah-ACK!"
You jerked your head up, seeing Venti gliding right above you, then a spear shot over him, shooting through his windglider, destroying it as he crashed to the ground, rolling like a dropped sack of potatoes pushed down a hill, but just managing to jump up with a sigh.
"Dangit. Oh, hi!" He trotted over to you, as though he had not been nearly maimed by a sudden weapon, "Hey! What are you looking at?" He was still panting when he bent at the waist, not minding your personal space as he looked at the music, you panicked and pulled it to your chest.
"I-... Are you okay?" You asked, and Venti just shrugged, sitting down next to you.
"I've been worse. I just made a sister very angry at me... Nothing new!"
You looked at him oddly, only to hear the sound of feet stomping on the stone ground, and to see a sister standing over you--
No, over him.
"Bard," She said, harshly, "I could imprison you beneath the Knight headquarters this instant for this, you know."
Venti stood up, "Of course, but! Ack!" With one hand, he held onto his chest, and dramatically fell back, one hand holding the back of the bench, "You've already wounded me so... was this a suffecient enough punishment...?" He asked, dramatically rasping for death,
"Blegh..." He stumbled back, and fell over the back of the bench, his legs from the knee-down hanging over the top of it.
The woman just groaned, shaking her head and grabbing one of his legs, tossing it off to the side of the bench, hearing Venti go oomf! As he completely hit the ground, and the woman took the spot he was just sitting in.
"What do you have there?" She asked, looking over.
"Well, hello to you too, Rosaria."
Rosaria looked at your face--no emotion on her own, and she just repeated herself, "What do you have there?"
You handed over the papers, and she took, holding them with much more care than Venti ever would of--He already slung his arms over the back of the bench, his chin resting atop it so he could watch whatever you and Rosaria were doing, in a... metaphorically front row seat.
"I'm planning something for Harpastum. A... concert, like Barbara's. But I can't really find the people I need." You admitted, genuinely, and she flipped through it a little. Eventually, you noticed she was looking over the piano part.
"I see. Nothing to be concerned of, for me or for you." She set it down on the bench between the both of you, only for Venti to snatch it up, snooping through it as well.
"What do you mean?" You asked, watching Venti out of the corner of your eye.
"Well, you're not sharing anything dangerous with the bard-" She reached over, and flicked him right between the eyes.
"Owwie... you're mean." Venti pouted, for all of two seconds before he went back to reading through it all- the sheet music, the plans, the lyrics, all that.
"As well as the piano part looked simple enough... Don't bother asking the other sister," Rosaria leaned back, "But anyone who knows and has limber enough hands to keep up can play it."
"I like this trumpet part," Venti mentioned, idly, "It's... bouncy."
"Well, it's supposed to be... and if you two iike it so much..."
Both of them locked their gazes right on you,
"Would you be willing to just play a little? And-and if you like it, maybe play for the concert? it's not a big thing, I promise!"
There was a silence, before Venti shouted--loudly, "Of course! Even if it's different than normal, a bard always strives to entertain!"
He then dramatically fell behind the bench again, with a loud oomf.
You idly wonder how he's not permanently as purple as a grape from all the bumps and bruises he gets.
"... Hm. What's in it for me?"
You looked at her helplessly...
"... Conner has a special batch of wine brewing for Harpastum, meant to be drunk near-frozen... for the heat, you know? I can get Diluc to get you a bottle."
Rosaria's eyes widened.
"Wait, do I get wine too?" Venti asked, peeking over the back of the bench.
You sighed, "Everyone who performs will get a bottle of this special wine, I promise!"
Venti, again, cheered loudly.
"Hm," Rosaria hummed, "I'll try out playing the part, at least. Do you have a piano? I don't really want the other sisters to yell at me for playing such..." she raised her hands, doing air quotes, "violent music in the Cathedral."
"I do, I do," you stood up, more than a little excited, "It's at my place, come on! Fair warning, it's a bit of a mess, but it's not like I'm having the concert there."
"Meh, everything's messy at some point." Venti shrugged, and Rosaria simply said nothing, letting you lead the both of them forth...
Oh, this was all coming together!
...
By the time the three of you got there, the first thing you did was move the drums--ah, still needed a drummer, oh well. You moved them out of the way to give access to the piano, adjusting the drums to make it all the easier for whoever came next to play... and, tucked away, you pulled out the trumpet, all but shoving it into Venti's hands as Rosaria sat down.
On the piano, you set down Rosaria's part, and you placed a stand before Venti, setting the sheet music down for the trumpet there..
"Okay... Rosaria?" You looked over at her, and she just tilted her head to look at you, "How about you play your part--Venti, if you blow that in my ear, I will end you."
Venti, sheepishly, tucked the trumpet behind his back, "What? Why would I do that... Ehe..."
You glared at him, "Oh, and..." You fumbled around with the clutter, finding a metronome and setting it on top of the piano, setting it to the right beat...
And without prompting, Rosaria began playing, near slamming her fingertips onto the keys of the piano--nothing like the music that was played in the Cathedral, that was always gentle, loving tickling of the ivory keys, but this was loud and harsh, banging, as though demanding you to move.
"Perfect!" You couldn't help but shout out, making Rosaria hit a wrong key, and she jerked around to glare at you.
"... Sorry," you admitted, "But, oh my goodness... It's perfect! Please, please tell me you'll play!" You were ready to get down on your knees and beg...
She examined your expression...
"... Maybe. Assuming you can get everyone else. And I expect a sample of the wine before we get on stage."
"Of course, of course, that's-that's more than acceptable!"
"Heyyy..." Venti whined, "What about me?"
"Oh, right," Venti just withered at that statement, "Don't do that, now... your turn, Venti."
He perked up without an issue, pressing the trumpet to his lips, and you flipped the sheet music to its first page--
And it was loud, each note forced out with excitement and enthusiasm, Venti all but dancing as he played, even as both his hands were on the trumpet itself, bouncing where he stood--
The music sounded just as excited as he looked.
"Perfect!"
Once again, you made one of your bandmates [ Oh, bandmates! This is really coming together! ] jump, and play a wrong note.
You couldn't be bothered to care!
"Okay, okay! That leaves... That leaves the drums and the guitar..."
You looked at both, focusing on them... "I can play both, but..."
You sighed, withering again at the realization that you were still just at the beginning.
"Not at once..."
Venti looked over the drums curiously for a moment... And smiled.
"I have an idea-"
"You're not going to play them with your feet, Venti."
"THAT WASN'T MY IDEA... Even if it's totally a great idea. But--isnt there a particular Cavalry Captain who was raised in a rich family? They do love teaching their children the musical arts..." Venti hummed.
You stared blankly for a moment, "Kae...ya? Do you actually think he knows how to play, well, anything?"
"Duh, he's a rich boy!" Venti shouted, "Sure, Diluc is the actual rich boy, but we all know he'd rather kiss a Hilichurl than go on stage!"
... You hoped not.
"Well, I suppose it's worth a shot. Do you two want to come with me?"
"Sure!"
"I've got nothing better to do."
What a merry little band you've gotten, all parading your way down to the Knight's headquarters.
It didn't take long to find the office Kaeya was in, all three of you filtering in, all but surrounding his desk, and Kaeya looked up suspiciously, setting down the pen in hand.
"I'd ask if this was an intervention about my drinking, but none of you are able to say anything about it."
Venti, "Hey!"
Rosaria, "Fair."
You just huffed.
"No, this isn't an intervention... yet," You knew Diluc had been getting worried about Kaeya's drinking as of late, but this wasn't the time nor the place, "We have a little... performance going on for the Harpastum, and a little bird told me you know how to play a few instruments."
Kaeya's gaze turned to Venti, and he quirked a brow, before looking back at you, "Maybe... What's this performance?"
You bounced a little where you stood--this meant he might actually say yes! Maybe. Hopefully. Possibly.
"W-well, I've composed some music, it's... Not so much a ballad, but closer to how Barbara sings. It's meant to have a lead singer, a guitarist, a drummer," you nodded to Rosaria, "A pianist," and then to Venti, "And someone on the trumpet."
"So... where do you want me?"
You stared hoplessly.
"... Anywhere."
Venti lightly tapped your arm, speaking in a low voice, hiding his mouth from Kaeya with one flat hand, "Don't sound so desperate."
"I am desperate." You whispered back, less secretive about it.
"Hm... So, paint me a picture," he leaned back in his seat, "What's the whole setup?"
You, exasperatedly, explained it all.
There was supposed to be a lead singer--sadly, you couldn't take the role despite all your hard work, simply because your voice didn't work with what you needed--and behind, or perhaps, beside the lead singer was the accompanying band. The whole concert wasn't supposed to be terribly long, just to whet the appetite of the audience. If it went well, this could be a great sign for your future, and honestly, you just wanted to see the joy you could bring to others.
Kaeya didn't say anything, just humming, nodding every so often, as you spoke... until, he smiled.
"Alright. I'm in. I can take the drums--I always did like percussion... But I don't exactly have a set of my own."
"Oh!" You were beaming, "I have-I have a set, I have all the instruments at my place, and... and I can play the guitar, so..."
You lead the group, all the way back to your place, giving Kaeya a few minutes to adjust to it, and you had the guitar in your hands, and you all managed to, barely, play the first few seconds of it, before it got a little cluttered...
But if you all could already do a little together, with little to no practice...
Well, you only needed time and the lead singer, and that was the easiest of your troubles... after all, how could he say no to you.
...
"No."
Diluc had his arms folded over his chest, nearly glaring at you after you proposed the idea, and you were stunned for a second, expecting him to say yes immediately, you didn't really have a back up response in mind.
"No...?" You asked again, softly.
"I don't like being in... the metaphorical or literal spotlight. You know this."
You did, but...
"Diluc, you're perfect for the spot... And it won't be long, I promise! If it goes bad, you never have to do it again... I already have the other spots fulfilled..."
Diluc's gazed softened a little, and he looked away from you.
"You can't expect me to be your saving grace all the time," he, gently, scolded, "It's not fair for you to plan me into things without my consent."
You were... stunned.
He was right, but...
"... I know." You admitted, "I know, I know, it was selfish... but I really, really need you... Can you, just... Give me one chance? And just do this for me?"
Diluc's hands twitched.
"I'll consider it. I don't think I'd be as good of a match for the spot as you'd think." He admitted, genuinely.
"It's made for you... how about this--I get you the sheet music with the lyrics, and... you don't have to see the rest of the band yet. You can just... try it out on your own? See how it feels? If you truly hate it, then you don't have to."
There was a moment of silence, and Diluc was adjusting his gloves--a clear sign that he was, truly, thinking about it.
"Fine."
From anyone else, the word would have seemed stern, but it just sounded so soft coming from him.
"I have to go see someone... Just leave it on my desk and I'll go through it."
Oh, oh, you could only hope he'd end up showing...
Hope, hope, hope...
...
And you did hope, even if you were worried. More than once you'd come home, hearing him singing his lines oh-so beautifully, but as you tried to stealthily get closer, he always heard your footsteps, no matter how careful you were and went silent, denying he had ever once sung.
Did he really hate the idea so much?
... Didn't matter. It was time to practice, and Kaeya was setting everyone off, tapping his drumsticks together to set up a beat--
"One, two, three, four!"
And everyone was playing together--of course, it wasn't perfect, but it was good. They were managing to work together, and it sounded just as good, no, better than you had hoped... Of course it would sound better with all the parts together, instead of just each all on their own.
All it needed was a little more practice, and the lead singer.
You just desperately hoped that it was all going to end up alright.
The song ended, and Kaeya was half panting--he really did go all out with the drums, Venti even opted to sitting on the ground, and as far as you could tell, despite the fast paced music and the high demand for energy, she didn't seem to have broken a sweat.
"That's... oh boy, yeah, we're going to need practice." Kaeya said, half hunched over, "I forgot how much energy this took."
"We have a few weeks, still." You tried to console him, "Everyone should be ready by then."
"Even your mystery singer?" Rosaria asked.
"Yeah, you keep saying you have one, but... it's alright if you don't. I don't think I could take the part and drum, but I can probably find someone..."
"No, I do, I do!" You insisted.
You hoped.
Only time would tell.
...
You sat there, head in your hands...
It was today, and Diluc and Kaeya left weeks ago. Venti sat beside you, his hand on your back, and Rosaria paced back and forth.
"I'm going to kill them," Rosaria declared, "I'm going to kill both of them for ditching like this, for doing this to you. To all of us."
It seemed, maybe, she was all torn up about this... in her own way--Of course, this had bonded everyone together, but...
"I just..." You sighed, and Rosaria stopped in her tracks. You couldn't help the tears that came to your eyes, "I worked so hard... and Kaeya nor Diluc didn't even tell me where he went..."
"Oh... No, no, it's nothing bad, I promise." Venti reassured, "There was a threat... I-I can't really tell you everything, or else I'm dead, but he didn't just leave because of this, I promise."
"But Kaeya, as well?" You looked at Venti's face...
"He went with Diluc."
"How do you know?" Rosaria glared at him.
"W-Well, I helped them get a ride... It was quite a dire situation, you know!"
He was lying, but you didn't care. Maybe he was just lying to make it hurt a little bit less.
"I'm sure, once one comes, the other will be here too..."
"I can't reschedule this," you sighed, "Everyone was so excited... I can't just... give up..."
Venti hugged you close, letting you rest your head on his shoulder...
You were so caught up that you didn't even hear the footsteps approaching,
"About time, assholes."
"Hey, I didn't mean to disappear like that!"
A shadow came over you, and you lifted your head, seeing Diluc standing there--
"Are you-OOMF!"
You leapt at Diluc, almost causing him to fall back onto his ass, but he was able to hold you close, keeping you both from falling.
"Diluc... I was so scared, I was so worried..." You buried your face into his coat, "Don't leave like that ever again."
For a moment, he was silent, looking around as everyone was looking at him... But, gently, he pried you off of him,
"Hey," he said, softly, "We still have a concert to put on."
You stared at him, confused, before it all hit you at once, "Oh, oh my gods, you're right! Oh, we-we need to set up, no, no we need to practice... you two are... okay to play, right?"
Kaeya looked over at Diluc curiously, "Two...?"
"I meant, are you okay to play?" You detached from Diluc entirely, trying to focus on him.
"Honestly, I'm about ready to die, but one concert before I do isn't the end of the world." He joked, "Now... Let's get practicing. I'm rusty and I don't want to fuck this up."
"... I'll be getting things ready for you." Diluc said, feeling forgotten amongst the chaos.
"Right, and..." You pressed a kiss to Diluc's cheek, "Thank you."
It only took one more moment for you to focus back on the others, bringing them all to where they'd practice...
You wondered, was Diluc really intending on just showing up last minute?
Did he ever practice?
Well...
You were about to find out.
...
Everyone was set up. The instruments, everyone was dressed in suits--even Rosaria and yourself. Rosaria insisted she did not want to wear a dress, and you decided that since everyone else was wearing a suit, you'd wear one as well, appearing uniformly.
It was unbuttoned a little further than what was considered professional, but... hey, it looked good, even if Rosaria really looked like she was about to commit an accidental act of public indecency...
Everyone was there, except...
Him.
"Do you actually have that lead singer?" Rosaria asked, addressing the elephant in the room, "He hasn't been in a single one of our rehearsals..."
"Of course I do, he's just..." You hesitated, "He's not the most social. I promise, I promise... That he'll show."
There was a silence, you couldn't help but just sit there... Wondering in terror if, despite everything, Diluc wasn't going to show. You knew he was mad about you planning him into it without his consent, or even knowledge, but... Was he really going to punish you like this?
It was a bit cruel, but you couldn't blame him. You sat down, and sighed, head in your hands. Venti trotted over, sitting beside you and setting his hand on your back.
"It'll go great, singer or no singer." He reassured, "We've worked so hard, we can do it even if you dumb singer stands you up."
"Don't call him dumb," you scolded, lightly, "We... just... I don't know. I put him in a bad spot." You admitted, genuinely, seeing how Kaeya and Rosaria walked over, "He might be mad at me."
"Well, you're human." Kaeya reassured, "You mess up. If he can't accept that you'll mess up and cause problems sometimes, maybe he's a bit too rough on you."
"Yeah... and-I did apologize, I know I did wrong, but... We talked about it, and I'm working on not doing something so spontaneous again... But he also knows this means... a lot to me."
A moment of silence, and Kaeya got down on one knee, tilting your chin up to look at him.
"Hey sweetness," he said, softly, "It's alright. We're going to make him regret not showing, alright?"
Rosaria kneeled beside him, "We'll do it together, then I'll do it personally."
You sighed... then chuckled softly, pushing yourself to your feet.
"Thank you. With or without Mister No-Show, the show will go on." You declared... sure, it wasn't what was expected, but you can make it work..!
You hoped.
"Apologies... I'm not late, am I?"
You spun on your heel to look at who just walked in, Diluc... Speak of the devil, and he shall appear.
And, as expected, he dressed perfectly.
A fine suit, somewhat similar to Kaeya's, however even if he had just as many buttons undone as Kaeya did over his chest, exposing just enough to make it interesting... it felt so much more... taunting when it was on him.
He even had a little bit of make-up on, some blush on his cheeks, eyeliner, some bright red lipstick that matched his hair, that was done up in a high ponytail...
"Rosaria, you owe me a drink." Kaeya said, and the woman just sighed.
"I'll just pay you."
You looked back at them, barely able to tear your eyes off of him.
"What?" You asked, "Did... Did you guys really make a bet over who the singer was?"
Kaeya just smiled, "Of course. Who would it be, rather than our lovely Master Diluc?" He gestured to Diluc, who didn't seem pleased in the slightest.
"Albedo." Rosaria said, flatly. "But it figures he'd scare us all."
You had a hard time imagining Albedo singing in a concert, but you could argue the same about Diluc.
"Well, it doesn't matter," He shot a glance at Rosaria, "I hope you're ready," Kaeya spun the drumsticks around in his hands, walking back over to the drum set, "Because we're about to start."
"Shouldn't we get a rehearsal with our singer, though?" Venti looked at the concealing curtain--it muffled their conversation, but it wouldn't muffle them all playing.
"We don't want them to hear a rehearsal, we want the first thing they hear to be our best." You declared. "Diluc ... You're ready for this, right?"
You were terrified he was going to mess this up--after all ... He may not have practiced at all!
"Of course," he held your hand, "I know how much this means to you. Now... let's get this started.
...
Lights blaring, the instruments deafening him from all angles, Diluc just counted the beats in his head, trying to keep in tune with it all... Oh, he felt like he could die right here.
No dying.
No giving up.
The show must go on.
Microphone in hand, he began--
"It's a wonderful life-"
He held his hand out to the crowd,
"Please could you kiss my name,"
For the single, not even full beat he had, he blew a kiss to the audience, hearing shouting in turn,
"When the music's oh-ver?"
With the following words, he gesturing to the lights above,
"Turn off the lights,"
They even managed to flicker,
"It was such a sweet time, could you pray for me, my friend?"
He held his hand to his chest,
"It's starting over tiime,
Take oh-ver the night, take over the blue time-
If you heard that screaming shout in your miiind!
Take oh-ver the shine, take oh-ver the shooting star,
All I was talking 'bout was musiiiiiic!"
Even if he could barely even hear, the crowd just exploded before him, the lights too bright for him to see it--
But he wasn't done yet.
The concert continued until it all finally met its end, Diluc panting desperately, getting those gulps of sweet air back into his lungs, looking briefly back at the others, seeing how they, themselves, were full of excitement and joy, even Venti was cheering as though he was part of the audience--not a single one of the entire band was left without being completely exhausted and winded, and Diluc felt that the desire to crash right onto the ground wasn't exclusive to him.
The cheering from the audience was slowly muffled as the curtain closed, signalling the end of this exhausting ordeal.
They all left their instruments on the stage, and walked backstage. Rosaria was the first to start guzzling water, and then she sat down with a huff. Venti just sat down on the floor, leaving the others to nearly trip over him.
Diluc walked backstage last, after everyone else had gotten in, and he was breathing heavily.
"Diluc," Kaeya said, "Holy fuck, I didn't know you could sing like that."
"I didn't either," Diluc admitted, genuine. You jumped at him, hugging him tight.
"Diluc... that was insane! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" You cheered, and he just huffed.
"I know this means a lot to you," he said, softly, and you backed off from the hug... something about him seemed off.
He was swaying a little from side to side, like he wasn't entirely there.
"I think," Diluc said, slowly, "I just need to lie down."
Kaeya was motionless for a second, then his eye shot open and he dove at Diluc, just barely catching him before he crashed to the ground, completely limp in Kaeya's arms,
"Diluc!" You were horrified, and Kaeya just unbent his knees from catching Diluc in an awkward position. "Kaeya... what-"
"He's fine," Kaeya said plainly, shifting to haul Diluc over his shoulder better, "Big liar, he didn't outgrow this."
He brought Diluc over to a table, and you pulled out the chair so Kaeya could have him sit, positioning him so his arms were folded over the table, and he gently set his head on his arms.
"Outgrow this?" You asked, eyeing Diluc cautiously.
"Mhm," Kaeya hummed, "I guess he never told you."
"No, I'm still... confused."
Kaeya folded his arms over his chest, "Well... When Diluc gets overwhelmed, he usually hates it, right?"
You nodded,
"Then he just curls up and tries to hide from whatever's messing with him. But--If he's having a good time? He gets overwhelmed and excited and... then he just passes out. That was the code--I think I just need to lie down, he said that as a kid right before he passed out."
"But," you argued, "I've never seen that."
Kaeya shrugged, "We thought he outgrew it, but I guess he just hasn't had a chance to get that excited in a long time."
"... Do you think," you said, worriedly, "He hated this?"
"No," Kaeya set his hand on Diluc's back, gently rubbing a small circle between his shoulderblades, "He loved it, trust me.
"... He'll be okay. Just give him some time to recover."
If you looked close enough, you could see him smiling.
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taegularities · 2 years
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hi rid first and foremost, you’re amazing 🤍 thank you for writing the absolute masterpiece that is ruin you. your characterization of jungkook and taehyung is absolutely chefs kiss. i loved that throughout the entirety of the series you were really able to encapsulate the differences in their personalities, and that’s what made OC’s journey with them so special and believable. i also really appreciated that you didn’t make OC try to compare them to each other; she accepted both of them, you made her both compatible with both of them !!
i know the ending was meant to be happy (and it certainly is !!) but it feels so bittersweet for me. over the course of the series, i grew so attached to OC and tae’s relationship - you wrote them so, so well. i loved how you drew clear parallels in the last chapter between their relationship to the one tae had with his ex, and how you distinguished the relationship with A!OC from all of them. you’re amazing at writing relationship dynamics !! not just the banter, but what a relationship means, what makes it unique. i also loved the progression of A!OC and tae’s relationship, particularly how A!OC’s perception of taehyung chnaged throughout the development of their relationship.
lastly, my biggest takeaway from this series is that love equates to acceptance. OC’s feelings for tae began as her acceptance of his past did, jungkook’s selflessness in love was made evident when he accepted OC’s feelings for taehyung, A!OC accepted all of taehyung’s trauma and hurt and loved him in spite of it all. and when taehyung finally let himself accept the love that A!OC was willing to give him, he began to heal himself.
AHHHHH do u see what you’ve done? we’re talking about idols who don’t know of our existence 🤧 truly though, thank you for writing this story, rid 🤍
i'm... i'm speechless 😳 what an absolutely beautiful message, i really needed some time to come up w an answer, bcos ! this ask is so damn sweet :(
first of all, i want to genuinely thank u for pointing out the characterisation bit... i used to always think that my ocs or characters are bland or meh, and to read that u think i made them diverse and wrote them well? really motivates me so hecking much 🥺 and the same goes for relationship dynamics. the fact that u can see the progression and how their feelings and thoughts change? gosh, i love u
love equates to acceptance
... can i just say that i teared up a little at ur interpretation of acceptance in ruin you? because it might be the first time i'm seeing it from this light so intensely, and the way i just realised too that there's a theme of acceptance everywhere throughout this series? i couldn't have worded it better, and god, i appreciate it so so much 🥺
and thank YOU so much for reading, love. i've said it before, but this series would be nothing without u all <3
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heartbrokenct · 3 years
Text
without you - jjh
Tumblr media
pairing idol!jung jaehyun x reader
genre fluff + the slightest bit of angst
word count 5.7k (i know)
warnings get ur tish ready b, this is-...
summary Jaehyun is sent to the US for a music study, but what he doesn’t expect is to leave with a lot more than just music theory. 
a/n i was going to make this a multi-part thing just so i could keep it short but i figured why not make it one huge fic. anyway, pls lmk if you enjoy this!
    “Oh, come on, loser. It’ll be great! Besides, what is one small blind date going to do? Nothing, exactly! So get dressed and do whatever, and be ready to go at 7.” Your friend rambled on the other side of the phone, and you rolled your eyes. 
     “How in the hell do you always manage to convince me to make the dumbest decisions?” You say, slightly annoyed. Apparently one of your cousin's friends was “on the market” and of course your cousin decided to make plans for you and this friend of theirs without even asking you beforehand. Hell, you didn’t even know what this "friend" looked like. After a few more minutes of your cousin desperately getting you to agree, you laughed and hung up, realising the time was just past 4pm, and the date was in only 3 hours. 
    Quickly jumping into the shower, you heard your phone ringing again, and assuming it was your cousin, back to bother, you ignored it and got busy getting clean and fresh. After the shower came the skincare routine, as usual, and after that the terrifying choice of “what to wear on a first date with a stranger” loomed over you as you stared at the numerous possible outfits in your closet. Sighing, you start to yank things off hangers and try them on, twirling in the mirror and doing a few greeting motions, trying to gauge what you’d look like. You caught sight of yourself as you were taking off a top, and noticed just how great you looked, instantly getting  a boost of confidence. 
   You checked your phone quickly and noticed a missed call and a few texts from an unknown number, so you unlocked it and took a closer look. 
  #### : Hey, this is Jaehyun. I got your number from your cousin, they mentioned that we should probably decide on where to go but if you don’t mind, I made some reservations at this restaurant.
  #### : Address. 
  #### : Does 7pm sound okay?
You checked the time stamp on the message, and gasp. He’d messaged you almost an hour and a half ago, so you quickly typed a few messages in response, and hoped that he wouldn’t be too upset. And you hadn’t even gotten the chance to set your phone down when it dinged again, and another message popped up on the screen. 
   Blind-date guy : Oh wow, I was beginning to think you were standing me up before the date even began. 
   Blind-date guy : I’m just joking! Please don’t stand me up again, I truly can’t go through the night again with 5 waiters giving me sympathy pats on the back. 
   At that, you let out a small laugh, and wonder suddenly if he was some creep who just emanated those vibes. Honestly, leave it up to your family to prank you like that. They mentioned he was some sort of celebrity in Korea, but was here in the states studying music. 
   Blind-date guy : Was that too much info? That was definitely too much info… Hopefully I’ll see you tonight! 
     A smile graced your features, and you gave him an affirmative response before frantically turning towards the closet with a rather worried look. The address he had sent you was of a pretty upscale restaurant, and you weren’t sure if you had anything nice enough to wear. Plus, it was almost 40 minutes away from your place, which meant almost an hour and a half with the traffic in your city. You sighed, and double checked the time. Almost 6pm. Screaming, you decided on something elegant but also pretty casual, and grabbed your favorite pair of shoes to match. After one last look over in the mirror, you snapped a pic and sent it to your cousin, who called you while you were rushing to your car to tell you just how great you looked. 
  “Jaehyun’s going to be drooling all over you. He loves that fashion style, and the fact that you just look so exquisite… yeah hopefully you wore something nice underneath too!” They quipped, and you gasped, laughing and telling them off, before thanking them quickly and hanging up. 
     Almost 75 minutes later, you got to the address Jaehyun had sent you and you marveled at the exterior of the building. It looked so wonderful, and the smell of the food emanating from inside only reminded you of how hungry you were. Rushing inside, you went up to the hostess, and said you were here under a reservation for Jaehyun. She smiled, giving you a knowing look before leading you to a table near the back where it was more quiet. 
   You knew who he was even before the hostess motioned you to the right table. He just looked kingly, and his presence seemed to draw everyone’s attention all at once. His face looked a bit nervous, but as soon as he looked at you, it seemed to drain from his face and was quickly replaced with awe. His eyes looked up and down your body and suddenly you felt the need to hide from his piercing gaze. He stood, and nodded a thank you to the hostess, then came around the table and took out your chair, allowing you to sit before tucking it in slightly. 
    “Hi-ello...Hello.” He said, his voice coming out a bit softer than he expected, and you stifled a laugh. 
    “Hi, I’m Y/n. It’s really lovely to meet you Jaehyun.” You said, and sent him a warm smile. His face seemed to go a bit red and he cleared his throat, trying a greeting again.
    “Hello Y/n. You look amazing; it’s likewise very lovely to meet you.” A short pause, and he continued, “My friend told me a lot about you, but they didn’t mention just how attractive you are. Well, not attractive- I mean yes attractive but- Like- Y'know-” He stammered, and lifted a hand to run through his hair, and somehow managed to poke his eye slightly. He let his hand drop to the table and he laughed. You let out the laugh you’d been holding and joined his, reaching over the table to grab his nervous hands softly. 
    “Thank you, please don’t hurt yourself trying to compliment me.” You joked, and paused to check out the menu as the waiter came to take your drink order. After getting over the original awkwardness and choosing a meal, the both of you fell into a comfortable conversation ranging from your careers to deep philosophical questions. You picked up on the fact that he seemed to be really proud about his career as an idol in Korea, and how he had always wanted to become a singer. His eyes lit up as he described a bit of what it was like, before he asked you about your job, and passions.
 You barely noticed when the food was placed in front of you, or when the other patrons all looked at you both talking with knowing looks in their eyes, or even when the water came by with the bill. You could only focus on this wonderfully interesting man in front of you, who was surprisingly deeper than his very apparent good looks. The waiter came by to see if the bill was ready, and the both of you stopped your conversation, and then half argued about who would foot the bill. He refused to even let you see the total cost, so in the end, you had let him win. He went to reach for his wallet before asking you another question which again distracted you from the bill and as the waiter made his second appearance, Jaehyun quickly (and rather proudly) tucked his card into the leather folder all while giving the waiter an apologetic smile. You watched him, your head tilted to one side and a soft smile played on your lips as his dimples made their comeback on his face. He turned to you and then grabbed a hold of his drink, making eye contact with you over the rim. 
   “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, and you cleared your throat, shaking your head. 
   “Oh… Just admiring from afar.” You said, and he seemed to get a tad flustered. You let out a laugh through your nose, and the waiter came by with Jaehyun’s card. 
   “How much was the dinner? It wasn’t too much was it?” You ask again, and he shakes his head. 
   “I’m the one who made the reservation so I gladly paid for it. Don’t worry about it at all, okay?” He said, in a soft tone, and stood coming around to your side of the table and holding out his hand. 
   “Shall we?” He said, and you raised your eyebrows while putting your hand into his. He gripped it as he led you out of the restaurant and then stopped outside, looking up at the sky. You checked your phone, and saw the time read 11:17pm. 
   “Already?” You mumbled out loud subconsciously, but Jaehyun caught it. 
   “Already what?” He said, and looked at you, peering down at the screen of your phone. He noted the time, and sighed. 
   “Ah, did I keep you too long? If you’re taking public transit or a cab home, let me drive you. Since it’s late.” He said, and raised his eyebrows waiting for a response. You smirked, and rummaged around your belongings before producing your keys, and you jangled them in front of his face. 
   “I’ve got a ride, but thank you. It’s been a wonderful evening. Everything and more.” You said, a smile plastered on your face. He gave you one of his own, dimples and all, and you melted. 
   “Well good. If you’d like… maybe we could do this again? I’ll be in the states for another few months, for my music study.” He said, and you nodded, suddenly hit with the fact that he was some celebrity, but you hadn't seen a single crazed fan anywhere tonight. Nonetheless, you said your goodbyes, and gave him a hug before walking to your car. You missed the way he stared at you as you walked away and smiled to himself. He missed your creased brow as you wondered if it was even worth pursuing him. 
-
     A few dates and three months later, you were sprawled out on Jaehyun’s couch after a long day at your job. He was currently in the shower, leaving your eyes to roam around. The last time you’d been here you hadn’t really stopped to look around, and as those thoughts flooded to the front of your mind, you felt your face heating up. Suddenly the shower turned off, and you straightened up, trying to push the memories out of your mind, as a half clothed Jaehyun walked around into the living area. 
   “Hey, stranger, long time no see.” He said, walking over and leaving a soft but chaste kiss on your lips. You smiled at him and stood, using one finger to push him away by his chest. 
   “Hey yourself, stranger, I suggest you get dressed before we get really well acquainted with one another.” You said, and your eyes flicked down to the edge of the towel that was currently the only thing wrapped around him. He smirked and tried to pull you closer to him, and just as your lips were about to connect, his phone rang. He sighs and lets his head drop, and apologises before quickly picking up the phone. 
   “Yes, Hello?” He said into the phone, and suddenly his back tensed. You frowned, looking at his suddenly stiff muscles, and wanted to reach out to comfort him but something in your gut told you to hold off. He huffed angrily into the phone and let his head fall back, looking up at the ceiling. He finished his call, and turned to you with an upset look on his face. You pouted and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. 
   “An emergency came up. I have to fly back to Korea early.” He said, dejectedly. 
   “How much earlier?” You ask, afraid to ask. Truthfully, you knew this time was coming. The time when this weird three month long fling would come to an end, but you had decided to pursue it anyway. You knew that you’d end up hurt and he’d move on to whoever in Korea while you’d be left back here picking up the pieces of your heart. But his face twisted into one of empathy and he swallowed down his tears. 
   “A few weeks early. My manager said my flight is… next Thursday.” He said, and you gasped. He came up to you, and enveloped you into a huge hug, just holding you tightly against him. The smell of your shampoo invaded his senses and the only thing he wanted was to hold you like that forever. He suddenly remembered everything that he left back in Korea. His career, the rest of the members, his family. Everything was there, but you were here. You had changed his life in these past few weeks more than all his 23 years of experience had. More than his music study could ever teach him. And now, with just a few days left to be here with you, he found himself dreading going back. 
   “Jae?” You mumbled into his bare chest. 
   “Hm?” He answered, still holding on to you. 
   “Can you go put on some clothes and let’s just chill at home?” You responded and shifted your gaze so that you were looking at him. He peered at you and smiled, before leaving a kiss on your forehead and going to quickly change into some loungewear. 
   About 5 minutes later, he strode back into the living are where you’d made yourself comfortable on one of the couches. He smiled and threw himself next to you with a grunt, and grabbed you close to him as you cuddled up together. 
-
     Jaehyun had asked you to accompany him to the airport and see him off, but as you woke up on the day, you dreaded having to see him off. He texted you, and you responded that you’d be there. After all, you were in love with the guy. 
   You rolled out of bed and took a super fast shower, then got ready and jumped in the car. His flight was in just a few hours, but you wanted to make sure that he was there on time. As you pulled up to his apartment and went up to his door, you tried to hold back your emotions. He seemed intent on going back the past few days, and even mentioned that he was excited to leave and see his family and work again. Little did you know he was just trying to convince himself that it was the right choice. 
 You couldn’t help but think that some of the moments you shared weren’t as special for him than they were for you as you took the elevator up to his apartment. Before you even had the chance to knock on the door, he swung it open and you were greeted with a red eyed, puffy faced Jaehyun. You instantly could tell he had been crying, and you stepped in, pulling him into the biggest hug, which he returned with such ferocity it almost knocked you over. He let out a muffled sob and your heart broke into a million pieces. You gently pried him off of you, and calmed him long enough for him to tell you what was wrong but in between his breathy crying and staggered breathing, you could barely understand, so you just held him as he let it out. 
   The one part of his ramblings that you did catch however made your heart skip a beat. 
   “A-and you...these months-” A few sniffles, “So good, -nd I don't wanna go-” A soft ragged breath, “b-cause you are my everything…” He said, and then stopped. You felt his heartbeat quicken at what he just confessed, and you tried to steel your emotions 
   “Jae, I know. We grew close and these past few months have been fun, but that’s it. You have a career and your whole life in Korea, and you deserve to go and live it out and follow your dreams, like you told me you always wanted to do.” You said, tears pricking your own eyes. He suddenly shifted off of you and gave you an incredulous look. 
   “Just fun? Just fun?” He said, his voice rising a little. “So all this time, this was just a fling for you. You made me fall in love with you and now you’re telling me it was just fun? You’re saying that if I asked you to come with me you’d say no and tell me this is what? One sided? That you don't feel like this is the worst mistake?” He said, and you folded your arms over your chest. There was no way that you’d stand in the way of his career, no matter how much of a bad guy it would make you. He would get over it soon, and continue and be a world famous singer… Right? 
  You thought that is what he wanted, but as his words wash over you and you understand the depth of the relationship between the two of you. Something clicks in your mind but you don’t speak. You just stand there and look  down at the floor. 
   His breath catches in his throat and he mutters a quiet but forceful, “get out.” And you follow suit. Sighing and holding back tears of your own, you step out of his apartment and head out to the car, knowing that at some point he’d have to come down since you were his ride to the airport. As awkward as that one hour car ride was going to be, you didn’t have much of a choice, as before everything went down, he made sure that you were the only one to see him off. 
   A couple of minutes later, a puffy faced angry Jaehyun appeared at your passenger side door, and he knocked aggressively on the window, jutting his thumb to the back of the car. 
   “Open the trunk.” He mouthed, and the already thick tension only grew as you nervously opened the trunk and waited for him to climb in the car. He opened the door, and then slammed it with such force you thought the door was going to snap off. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes as you drove, and when you pulled into the freeway, you decided to speak. 
   “Listen-” You started, and he interrupted you with a raised hand. You heard him take a loud breath, and then he began to speak. 
   “I know you’re driving and your attention has to be on the road but please, hear me out.” He pleaded with you, and the desperate tone in his voice sent the waterworks your way again. 
“It's true. Without you, I can’t live. I can’t eat or sleep, or breathe without thinking about you. Everything that you did to me was so ethereal. You changed my life so much in these three months. I can’t begin to describe how hard it is for me to go. Honestly, when my company suggested that I come to the states for the music study I was skeptical because I already know music theory and production. But it was the best decision of my life. And now you’re sitting here telling me that this isn't-” He said and the tears began to spill on his face again. You gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to keep your eyes focused on the road ahead, but the emotion in Jaehyun’s voice was getting to you as well, and a few rogue tears slid down your cheeks. 
   “I know you can’t just leave your life behind here, but I really really want you to. I want you to come to Korea and live with me, and we can be happy. I can introduce you to my family and the other members, and it’ll be so good. I can ask the company to find you an apartment and we can-” he continued, but you stopped him. 
   “Jaehyun. You and I both know that as soon as you get back, you’ll be so busy that we won’t have time to see each other. You’re about to have a major comeback and I don’t even know Korean so it’ll be hard for me to even assimilate there. I really really want to put my whole life on hold but… How can I?” You say, and the hurt is clearly evident on your face as the both of you have tears streaked faces. The rest of the ride is relatively quiet, but at some point, Jaehyun reaches over and rests his hand on your thigh as a signal for a truce. 
   He sniffles and leans his head back on the headrest, eyes squeezed shut as you pull into the airport parking lot. After finding a space, and getting his luggage out of the trunk, he takes your hand and you both go inside. He checks in, and you start to head over to the security checkpoint, which you were not allowed to pass.
   “Please, promise me that you’ll stay in touch and we won’t be like those couples who promise and then never do and they grow apart. I seriously cannot live without you.” he said, while pulling you to face him. A couple of people were starting to gather, and by the looks of it they recognized Jaehyun, so you sent him a sad smile and gave him a huge hug, never wanting to let go. The both of you pulled away, and he grudgingly went to the passport check. Just before he disappeared behind the security checkpoint, he turned and locked eyes with you, and even from this far you knew he was sending you a soft, sad smile. Not a “goodbye”, but rather a “see you soon.”
Four Months Later
   You rushed to shove on your shoes and grab all of your luggage as you heard your cousin impatiently honking outside of your apartment building. You had been planning to surprise Jaehyun for a few weeks, and asked them to come and take you to the airport. You left your apartment and quickly went over to a neighbor's where you asked them to take care of some plants and to pick up your mail each day. The middle aged woman agreed, and happily took your keys, wishing you a safe flight and travels. 
  You thanked her as you flew down the hallway, and heard her chuckling just before you rounded the corner and smashed the call button for the elevator. You knew it wouldn’t come any faster if you kept pressing the button, but you did it anyway. The nerves kicked in as you descended in the metal box, and ran out to your cousin’s car. They flung the door open for you, and you threw your bag into the backseat before hopping in. The drive was filled with some laughs and the memories from your last trip to the airport came suddenly flooding back. It had been only a few months ago that you had driven Jaehyun to the airport and had your first teary-eyed farewell. 
   Since then, you both called at least once a week, but texted every day. You slowly became more interested in NCT, his group, and even started talking to a few of his other English-speaking members, who all welcomed you with excited messages. You had been learning Korean with Mark and Johnny, to surprise Jaehyun, and not to toot your own horn, but you’d been getting pretty good! You could now communicate at it’s most basic sense of the word, and at least order food and ask for traveling directions. You smiled as you pulled up your conversation with Jaehyun, and read some of the new messages.. 
   Jaehyun : Babe! Have you had the chance to watch our m/v yet? It came out like a few hours ago! 
   Jaehyun : You really should watch it and let me know what you think. I wrote the lyrics with Johnny-hyung this time. I think you’d be proud.
   Jaehyun : Yo babyyyy….? 
   Jaehyun : Babe? Ah you’re probably busy. Ok call me when you watch it so i can see your reaction!
You smiled at all the messages, and sent him a quick “I’m at work, call you later, love you.” and then thought about how you’d explain away being inactive for your 13+ hour flight. You sighed, and locked your phone, then leaned your head back. 
   Your cousin pulled into the drop-off lane at the airport. You looked at them with a grateful smile, and gave them an awkward hug over the center console which they returned. As soon as you grabbed all of your belongings and double checked for your wallet and passport, you waved them goodbye, and they sped off. You turned and walked into the airport, and after a tiring 45 minute ordeal through check-ins and security, you finally made it to your gate. You took out your phone while you waited for the flight to board, and saw a few messages from Mark who was also in on the surprise. He said that him and Johnny managed to get you a company car to pick you up from the airport, but that you’d have to find your own housing. 
   “Shouldn’t be too hard…” You mumbled, and replied to him before searching for hotels in the Seoul area. There were a few upscale locations, but you decided to also check Airbnb for any long-term residence options. You came upon a sweet little apartment near Itaewon , which was about a 45 minute drive from the SM campus. You searched for anything cheaper or closer, but after not finding anything, you quickly booked the location for a 2 week period. You smiled happily, having one less thing to worry about on your flight, and then heard the “All-Passengers Now Boarding” message, so you grabbed all of your things again, and huddled in the line. You had been lucky to find a good deal on a seat in the economy class, so you took your seat near the front of the plane, having a rather great view out the window. You smiled and relaxed as a kind looking lady sat down next to you, and you fell into a comfortable conversation as the rest of the passengers were seated and the plane took off. She told you a few stories about how her family was all in Korea but she visited the US to see her daughter who just had a baby. You smiled at her story, and she patted your hand. 
   “You go to Korea? What do you have in Korea?” She asked tentatively, and you told her your love story. You left out the part about him being a singer, thinking she might not believe you, and she smiled warmly, and recounted a few stories from her youth about her and her now late husband. You smiled, and upon checking your phone, saw that you’d managed to pass a few hours of your time swapping stories. A steward announced that passengers could now use their in-flight wifi, and you quickly took out your phone to see a few missed calls from your cousin (who probably just wanted an update) and a few tests from none other than Jaehyun himself. 
   Jaehyun : Baby, I have the night off… are you still at work? We should call. 
   Jaehyun :  Please? I really want to see your pretty face, I miss you.
   Jaehyun :  Ahhh, come on, I know you’re not busy because we usually call at this time… 
You stifled a laugh, and rolled your eyes softly at his antics. He was always begging to see you, and now you didn’t know how to remedy the situation and not expose your location. You got an idea and ran to the lavatory, which was thankfully unlocked. After fishing your headphones from your pocket, you plugged them in and asked if he was free at the moment, and before you were even able to respond he was already video calling you. You laughed and hit the accept button, and smiled at the camera. 
   “Hi! Oh- I missed your face so much, you beautiful work of art…” His voice rang into your headphones, and you saw his eyebrows furrow as he drew the phone close to his face to see the screen. 
   “Where are you?” He said, brows still furrowed, and you smiled, trying to look as genuine as you could, 
   “I’m in the restroom at this little place, I wanted to take some time out and just treat myself, you know?” You said, and technically you were vague enough to not lie, and somehow he didn't press for any more information. 
   “Oh, baby that's good that you get to do something nice for yourself… Have you watched the m/v yet?” He asked, impatiently and you already knew he just wanted you to stroke his already inflated ego. You laughed, and he smiled widely, and shook your head. 
   “ I haven't but I swear I will as soon as I get home tonight? I know it’ll be late but you have to promise to wait for me!” You say, and he tiredly laughs. 
   “I promise to wait for your call tonight babe, I don’t think I’ll even sleep peacefully until I hear your opinion on the m/v.” He said, and you laughed. After a few more minutes of talking, you told him that there were others waiting to use the restroom, and after an insurmountable nu be of "I love you"s and "Yes, I'll call you later"s, you hung up just before you exited the lavatory. You spent the rest of the time napping and sometimes chatting with the lady seated next to you, who had a multitude of interesting things to tell you. You’d lost track of time, and only noticed when the stewards and stewardesses came by with lunch trays. 
  After that, you fell into a deep sleep, and only woke when the “Please Fasten your seatbelts for landing” messages were being played on the intercom. You hastily buckled it, and the nervousness started to kick in once again. The lady next to you must have sensed it because she reached over and gave your hand a sympathetic squeeze, and reassured you that “He will be excited to see you. I promise”. 
  After the landing and a rough battle through customs, you finally made it to the gates where onlookers waited for their friends and family to walk out. You spotted a man holding a paper with your name on it, and went over, greeting him formally and returning his polite smile. He took your things and led you to a nondescript car, where he put your things in the trunk and held the back door open for you to get in. Once settled, he asked if you would give him an address, or if he should take you to the SM building. 
   “SM building, please.” You say, hoping that you were using the correct verbage and honorifics. The driver’s eyebrows raised, and he made eye contact with you in the mirror. In a soft broken English he complimented your Korean, and said he was surprised that you knew pronunciation so well. You smiled and thanked him, and explained that some friends had helped you study it before coming. He nods, and the rest of the ride is spent in a comfortable silence.
    An hour and a half-ish later, the car pulled into the parking lot of the SM building, and you almost burst out of the car in excitement. You’d been texting with Mark and Johnny in a private group chat, and they said Jaehyun had fallen asleep waiting for you to call him somewhere in a waiting room. You were shown into a side entrance, so as to avoid any prying eyes, and you quickly met up with the aforementioned boys, who greeted you with wide smiles and big hugs. They led you around the building and showed you a few of the locations that you’d seen before in videos and on call with Jaehyun. 
  You smiled fondly as you followed them around and they led you into a small room with couches lining the sides, and a few tables thrown in the middle. And you saw him. Him. 
  He was slouched against one of the couches, chin to shoulder and out cold. An innocent look was on his face as he slept and as you admired him, Johnny and Mark said they'd wait for you guys downstairs and left. 
  You gently set down your small bag on a table and silently made your way over to your sleeping boy. Smiling, you sat on his lap, legs straddling his thighs and he stirred from his sleep with a sharp intake of breath. His eyes fluttered open and he made eye contact with you, staring into your eyes with a confused glare. You put your hands on his shoulders, and then moved them up to his face, cupping his cheeks as you sent him a smile. 
  "Y/n…? I-Is this… Am I still dreaming?" He whispered and you laughed, answering, 
  "No, you're not dreaming. I'm here… kiss me." You said, and he immediately obliged, closing the distance between your lips. His hands finally made their way around your waist, and he pulled you closer to his chest, and smiled into the kiss. 
  "What? How? How did you even find me?" He said, breathlessly and you explained to him the whole story from beginning to end. He listened with a marveling look on his face, and let his head drop as he smiled shyly. 
  "Well I am so glad you're here. I missed you so much, you've got no idea. Korea isn't half as fun without you." He said, and you sat and caught up for a few minutes, before you remembered the other two who were waiting. 
  "Johnny and Mark are waiting for us! They said we should go out to get some late-night food." You quickly said and climbed off of Jaehyun's lap as he stood and stretched. He gathered his things and you yours and just before you two set out the door, he took your hand in his and placed a gentle kiss to your knuckles. 
 "Have I ever told you how much I love you, Y/n?" 
 "Everyday."
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hello!!! i'd like to request a piece of 🍰 please <3 apologies for incoming info dump about my Entire Life :| & thank u so much darling!
basic information — i use she/her and i'm bisexual, an infj, and a scorpio. a yachi kinnie :)
appearance — i'm a 5'0 asian girl with long black hair and dyed caramel tips! my body type is petit and skinny - lack of butt, unfortunately, but i got some tibby! overall im pretty tiny and always look younger than my age lol. i also wear glasses because i am Very Near Sighted, and my clothing style is a weird mix between cutesy-pastel-female-kpop-idol fits, indie teenage girl, and faux cottagecore.
personality — i'm a rather introverted person, but i'm trying my best to work on that. i have depression, anxiety, and adhd, but i'm always telling myself uplifting things and trying to work on my mindsets, so i'd like to say that i'm also sincere and compassionate! i'm also very adaptable and easily influenced by the behaviors of people around me. i think at first impression, i look standoffish and judgemental, but i think it's because i lack the confidence to say what i think and express my emotions, which i'm also working on! once i'm comfortable, i think i'm a very funny, intelligent, and caring person (i'm an extremely sensitive person and receptive to others' emotions — i cried a LOT watching karasuno v shiratorizawa 😐), but i can also tease and be a little sarcastic if the relationship calls for it. i get very affectionate and touchy with close friends too! long story short - i might seem awkward and quiet, but give me a moment— i'm trying, and i'll get there eventually, and i think that'll be worth waiting for. :)
hobbies — i like to do visual art things, like sketch pretty anime boys and also cross-stitch and make calligraphy! i'm a bullet-journaler :) i also love love LOVE learning languages and about different cultures, especially asian ones. i think i'm a pretty studious person when i get into it but i do procrastinate a lot T____T i'm also super into playing genshin impact, but i easily hop interests, so one day i'll be on this and the next, it's something else i'm rambling about. get ready to get ur ear talked off about wtv i love that week <3
likes + dislikes — i like anime, bts (!!), and otome games :> i also enjoy desserts, boba tea, flowers, and sudoku puzzles 🥺 i'm also a lover of learning, asian cultures, and dogs (also cats, but mostly dogs!) <3 i reallllyyyyyy want a pet snake one day too 🥺 family is also very important to me because i'm the youngest of 7 children! i dislike spiders snd working out (seriously the last person to want to do any type of fitness). all that "moving" jazz... volleyball is the only sport i'll probably ever even bother to learn the rules of LMAO but do not expect me to play i will eat the floor </3 my arms are sticks and i will simply embarrass myself
what i want/need in a relationship — i have a pretty idealistic idea of romance - i want someone perfect, but i know that's not realistic. at the very least, i want someone who loves me very much and is honest about that. they also need to let me be affectionate and clingy, and will be the same way back, even if it's just a little bit. i'm someone who needs love and affirmation rather consistently, like a freaking plant. i NEED someone who'll make sure i'm doing things and being productive, and someone who will actively encourage me to both be a better person mentally and physically get things done. they also should be able to take care of me (i'm a youngest child so i like being babied~) <3
this is very long, apologies! thank you so much for your wonderful matchups, they're so detailed and you work very hard on them, i can tell. thank you for your hard work!! kisses 4 u! <3
@mochiiswan ok I see you stealing my husband from me 🥲
Romantic Matchup
Bokuto Koutarou
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How yall met
Girl you were just having a bad day
Nothing seemed to be going right
So you showed up for school in a rather gloomy mood
Bokuto didn't know you
But he still didn't like how sad you seemed
So he approached you
He basically just started making small talk to try to cheer you up
You dont know why but his energy did seem to be having a positive effect on you
Bokuto really liked talking to you
And he was glad he was able to cheer you up
The bell had rung signaling it was time to go to class
But bokuto didn't wanna leave you
So he asked if you wanted to come watch his volleyball practice after school
You agreed to go
You went to his practice and bokuto found himself trying to impress you
He didn't know why
Wait...
“AKAASHI I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH”
😳
Yeah he straight up yelled that…
While you were in there…
After a quick advice break from akaashi
He asked you out on a date :)))
What they love about you
He loves that you try to improve yourself
It's one thing to have issues
But to acknowledge those issues and to want to fix them truly makes a strong person
So he loves that you love yourself enough to improve on yourself
And he WILL help you in any way he can
Eek
He loves how sensitive you are
Bb boy is sensitive too
So he's glad he's found someone to cry with when a dog dies in a movie
(Also do any of you cry when a dog dies but doesn't when a human does? No? Just me?)
He loves how you value family
Im convinced bokuto is a family man
He loves his parents and his sisters more than anything
So he's glad he's found someone with the same values as him
HE LOVES HOW CLINGY YOU ARE
DO NOT EVEN HESITATE WITH THIS BOY
You can't tell me ocultos love language isn't physical touch
Come on now
LOOK AT HIM
You will get all the physical affection you could ever dream of
Favorite things to do together
Ok hear me out
He just likes going to the pound…
And looking at the animals with you
and/or
He likes volunteering at the animal shelter with you
You+cute animals=happy bokuto
Random HC
You drew him doing a spike once and he bout cried
Keeps the drawing in his phone case and pulls it out to brag
You take me as a hopeless romantic
And good news for you
Bokutos a hopeless romantic too :)
So your relationship is the closest to perfect relationships can get
He 100% keeps you on track
Mans is like a personal trainer istg
However don't expect to be productive with him around...
He did try to get you to play volleyball
And you did in fact eat the floor </3
Astrology
When Virgo and Scorpio join together in a love match, these Signs that are two apart in the Zodiac are brought together.
Their placement gives the relationship an intense karmic bond
The Virgo-Scorpio couple is loyal and deep, with very strong ties.
Virgo and Scorpio enjoy working together toward acquisition: Virgo wants order and Scorpio wants power.
Both of these Signs are about resources, including inheritances and property.
This couple is very service-oriented and known to be dependable.
They like to lend a hand to a friend or to the community.
Additionally, Virgo can be withdrawn — while Scorpio is more opaque and outgoing.
Because of the disparity, both Signs can learn from one another if they can agree to meet halfway.
Virgo is ruled by Mercury and Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto.
This combination is very heated, thanks to Pluto’s influence.
The two Signs unite to form the basic foundation of human relationships — Mercury’s communication and Mars’s passion.
Mercury and Mars go well together; Mercury is about the conscious mind, and Mars is about the passion of romance.
Scorpio is rambunctious and intense, and Virgo is attracted to this energy.
In turn, Scorpio needs the loyalty and practicality inherent in Virgo.
Overall Aesthetic
Pastelcore
Songs-
Are you bored yet - wallows
Strawberry Mentos - Leanna Firestone
Hey Lover - Wabie
Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens
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hongism · 3 years
Text
An essay on why i love kim hongjoong and why he’s my ult bias and one of my biggest inspirations in life; by me, you know who it is, the biggest hongjoong simp on the planet, and your local hongjoong lover
This isn’t really gonna be an essay pls it’s been way too long since i last wrote a formal and serious essay but instead it’s just gonna be a messy hodgepodge of me doing what i do best in life: rambling (about hongjoong). If you know me you know that i GUSH over the things and people i love, i could sit here for years just rambling about that so yeah this is about to be long as HELL and also embARRASSING as hell so PLS look away act like you don’t see anything no one talk about it hongjoong if ur here pls don’t look good god this is about to be so embarrassing bc here’s a list of things i don’t have: chill. Yall about to see me crumble for a Man of all things i can’t believe this is happening but yeah see im already rambling and i haven’t even started talking about hongjoong yet wow okay anyways look away i will cry and did cry okay thanks yeah BYE
im not gonna sit here and be like ‘bc he’s cool and handsome and yeah’ because those aren’t really reasons why you love Someone, those are kinda reasons why you might admire someone or enjoy looking at them but not why you like them necessarily, but it is a given that hongjoong is a beautiful person inside and out so i can’t go on without mentioning how beautiful and handsome he is ;;-; he has such pretty and delicate features, his nose his side profile his eyes his lips yes everything about him is beautiful and lovely and wonderful he’s just so objectively attractive. His smile is so bright and warm and full of love and joy, really he has one of those smiles where you see it and feel like your heart is full. Show me a picture of hongjoong smiling and my mood will spike and i’ll be happy bc he is a person who has infectious happiness and joy.
Hongjoong has so many neat and cool aspects to his personality, he’s really brilliant, he’s got an iq of 148, he’s an infp, he’s a scorpio, i’m gonna start rambling strap in — he raps, he sings, he dances, he composes/produces, he plays the drums, he plays the piano, he writes lyrics, he reforms clothes, supports the polished man campaign and paints his nails like!!! Listens to all sorts of music, enjoys rock music, loves to experiment with his style and hair, loves trying new things, just look back at inception era where he asked to wear a skirt for performances bc he thought it looked pretty moving while he danced just! Hongjoong has a very beautiful personality that i love to see because he is unapologetically him. And in an industry where it’s hard to be an individual and where it’s hard to let your own colors shine through whether it be because of pressures from companies/group image/so on so forth. I’ve always stood by the fact that KQ does really well with letting the boys do individual things and be individuals as well as have a say in what the plans are for their image, but it really shines through in hongjoong.
He’s a person who has his own color and his own sort of image that i feel lucky to look at bc it’s so special and unique and wonderful to see!! I feel that way constantly when i look at ateez and i think that’s why i love ateez so much and why they’re my ult alongside shinee bc there is so much individual color and personality and i adore getting to see that because people in general fascinate me that way.
There’s always a lot of jokes about hongjoong’s scorpio tendencies shining through but even beyond those jokes, he really lets us see parts of himself that are both intriguing and beautiful to see. I mentioned this the other night to a friend but while he was live, you could physically see the way he brightened when talking about music and when sharing his music, sharing the things he worked on, songs he enjoys, and when he talks about music, you can see that passion and love in his face. Same with when he talked about his tattoo, you could see in his face how much it means to him and how much thought he put into it, and how special it was for him to talk about it even with language barriers. Personalities are something that don’t need a language to see and perceive, and i’m always very careful to talk about idols’ personalities because you never know which parts are real and which parts are what they want us to see but seeing how clear hongjoong’s passion and adoration for music is is something so blatant to me. Like it’s just something i see every time he talks about music and every time he’s live and it’s so beautiful and special to see.
I’m a person who gets motivated when i see other people motivated and that’s primarily why i see hongjoong as such a huge source of inspiration and motivation because listening to people talk about the things they love makes me feel happy and encouraged. I love seeing the joy in people’s bodies and faces when they get happy, i love seeing people full of life and joy, i adore seeing them talk about their dreams and aspirations because you can see how determined and how meaningful something is to a person that way, and that’s something i see in hongjoong so much.
Hongjoong is someone who values art and all forms, and he’s someone who finds beauty and inspiration in all sorts of things. That’s something i try to do in my life but it’s hard and i struggle and sometimes i get it right and sometimes i don’t, and yaknow maybe we’re not supposed to get it right all the time, but i love getting to see hongjoong’s creative process and just listen to him talk about the things he finds inspiration in. Really honestly and truly getting to see people do what they love brings me more joy than i can put into words. There is something so special about it, and i feel it when i watch hongjoong perform because you can see how much every part of the stage and performance means to him even if it’s just 3 minutes and even if it’s something where he’s not front and center. Hongjoong doesn’t have to be the forefront of something to give his all and i think that speaks volumes to how much he wants to be on stage and how much it means to him
Then anOTHER thing i love about hongjoong because i could just talk for hours at this rate. Bc im emo and im in my feels so much i think about how sometimes it really seems like hongjoong was made to lead ateez. You could put 100000 people in a room and give me a list of qualifications and reasons why these 100000 people would be better leaders and i would still pick hongjoong because there is something so inherent in him about being the leader of ateez that shines through so much. The way he talks about ateez, the members, the things he does for them, the work he puts in because he wants them to succeed together. He talks about looking at their faces before going to sleep, not wanting to release a mixtape because he wants to share his music through ateez, he calls them kids, he wouldn’t post selfies so that we would focus on the other members’ teaser photos, he pushes them and encourages them to try new things and do new things, there is so so much he does for them and there are so many ways in which hongjoong loves ateez, just so many ways he cares for them and adores them even when he has that tsundere image, you can clearly see how much they mean to him and how much value he puts in those relationships with them
But yeah so anyways i’m gonna cut myself short good god this is oafiejrogbjieon so long already BYE this is embarrassing im so tired tho im gonna go sleep and probably forget i a) wrote this and b) posted this HTRWEFSFKHDLKFH yall know how it is pls dont ROAST ME for GUSHING just yeah if i could say one thing to hongjoong and only one thing like only one chance to say something i would genuinely thank him for being a person who inspires me and for sharing his passions with us i think that sharing your passions the way he does is so special and touching and yeah god im about to ramble again pls caly stop
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bbugyu · 3 years
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HI can u maybe talk abt seungkwan the way u answered previous member asks? 🥺 i love reading ur little analysis and i'm deep into my sk feels atm
AAAAA URI BOOOOO YES OGMNGGNV i ult boo seungkwan FUN FACT even tho i never write for him because he’s like. he’s my best friend. i love him. lets get it
so seungkwan is an enfp, which is the campaigner! this is another personality type that makes a really good leader (there’s so many in svt omg) and if i remember right, cheol has said if it wasn’t him, he would want boo to be leader! despite being one of the youngest members in seventeen, he is incredibly skilled and a really good teacher, and he is REALLY strong in communication. there’s that video of him leading a vocal team practice, and you can really tell he knows how to bring out the best in people. jeonghan hits a note and seungkwan’s like “see! i told you you could do it! why did you hesitate??” and jeonghan like shy giggles and it just shows that he knows exactly how to encourage and praise people in the way that they will be receptive to. this comes from his extroverted intuition, which means that he is good at like. abstract thinking. he sees things for what they can be, not for what they are. this links to being super creative! seungkwan is one of the members with several writing credits on the svt discography, and you can tell by the way he just randomly belts out runs (seokmin does this also lol) that he’s always thinking about new melodies.
enfps focus on relationships a lot, whether its between people, situations, or ideas. he makes connections that other people wouldn’t, thanks to his abstract thinking! but he’s also kinda stubborn - he’s someone who thinks that his values and morals are correct and is unwilling to budge. i think the reason he really stands by his values tho is because enfps tend to overthink everything, so he truly TRULY believes that he’s in the right!! because he spends SO MUCH TIME thinking about EVERYTHING that he’s like... there’s no way i’m wrong (meEEE)
he follows his heart! his decision making has less to do with logic and more to do with how he feels about the situation. enfps also work through stuff out loud, which is why seungkwan seems rambly sometimes - he needs to hear his own logic out loud in order to fully process it and then comes to a decision by the time he’s done explaining! but his gut feeling is REALLY GOOD like he has a strong feeling so it’s smart tht he uses it! his ability to see things as what they might be make him really good at problem solving. ex. mafia games! the mafia always tries to kill seungkwan first, and it’s because he always observes what everyone is doing and says stuff that worries the mafia - he makes himself a target by being too smart, and he knows it (which is why he begged shua to save him in the first round during don’t lie 1). i think he’s better at interpersonal problem solving vs. logic puzzles - he’s not bad at them, but he’s better at reading behavior and noticing changes in patterns.
enfps can seem really serious or like. “high stakes” a lot of the time (it’s because they care so much haha), but they know when to let loose. seungkwan always encourages everyone to have the most fun during breaks, or during ttt!! when they were scream singing psy and twice DHSKSD he’s also EXTREMELY enthusiastic - he literally puts his everything into anything he tries. he does everything like rent’s due KEFJFHSKD i think it’s so admirable!!! but the reason he’s able to do that even in front of people he doesnt know is because he’s so extroverted. he’s super personable and friendly, and people seem to get along with him really easily. every time he’s on a show as a guest, the hosts LOVE him. him and jaejae are literally iconic together like I LOVE THEMMMM i think we can all relate to him because of how excited he gets about things. like he’s such a fanboy. wonderful king! as a fellow wonderful, we stan. that’s why he gets good recognition as professor boo!!! even fans of other groups go and watch his vlives because he has such genuine fan knowledge of kpop through the ages. hes enthusiasm is UNMATCHED!
svt is so full of empathetic people like. damn. seungkwan is really good about giving advice (thanks to his problem solving skills and the fact that he thinks about how things can be instead of how they are), but he’s an extremely attentive listener. like dino said in the kelly clarkson video, seungkwan is really good about checking up on people when they’re going through a hard time.
ok thi sis getting long so speedround: he’s kinda disorganized. he really cares about health and tries to keep up but i think he loses shit like constantly because there’s just too much JFSDKF. his emotions overwhelm him really quickly (usually anger FDHSKH). he seeks approval a lot, which means he gets really nervous when he’s around people he really idolizes (ex. when him and mingyu were on omniscient manager and he looked constipated).
I LOVE BOO SEUNGKWAN SO MUCHHHFJKHJSHD
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Hello, I'm the last anon you answered to. I'm sorry if I came out as defensive because it wasn't my intention. In fact I've always thought that John was bisexual until I started questioning everything. ( I'm a bisexual guy myself and I'm perfectly happy with the way I am ! ) It's just that I feel like Yoko would just say whatever she wants on John to suit her agenda. John's sexuality had always been an interesting topic and dropping something like that would gaib her publicity this is why I --
I question the authenticity of her claims. She could have lied about it just to attract attention… And I’d be disappointed because John was in fact my idol and he gave me the strength to come out as bi to my family. But there’s so many anecdotes about him being homophobic that it just makes me sad and this is why I hardly doubt that he was a bisexual man…As for the Cynthia quote I heard her say something like “ John was afraid of homosexuality just like everyone ) in a video on Youtube –
I am very conflicted because I’ve watched videos of John ( interviews etc ) and many comments said that he was very skilled at manipulating people and wasn’t as honest as he appeared to be, which is why I doubt. John had always been the rebellious type and I started thinking that he was using the bisexuality topic to shock and make people talk about it which is disappointing. Was he dropping hints that he was bi to piss off people and make publicity ? This is what I believe : (There is also -
Something he said to Alaister Taylor where he said that he was trying to spread the rumor that he was gay or bi just for fun and he told him that he would never shag a man because just the thought of it turned him off… Yet he also told him that he adored Brian so much that he would have done anything with him ( he contradict himself here. ) So yeah I didn’t want to be rude. I apologize. I think I need reassurance. Could you please analyse everything I said if u don’t mind please ? : (
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Anon 2
At the very least all these years later isn’t it circumstantially suggested that John had very private gay encounters, and was uncomfortable making them public, yet wanted to hint at them so he could deal with this matter int he future? He was protecting his privacy and his ego, and perhaps wasn’t yet ready to reveal either his encounters or mixed feelings of bisexuality. His encounters have been protected by those with whom he was involved, people thameant a lot to him, no?
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Anon 3
hey! by any chance, do you have knowledge of the quotes where john said “sex with girls felt like a performance after the first time” and “i was never sexually attracted to women before yoko”? i am SURE i’ve seen the first one somewhere on tumblr, though the second one is more of a quote of a quote so i’m not sure if it’s real or not dfkdjk thanks, anyway!
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Anon 4
Hello! Is it true that John used to be very attracted to the drag scene in St Pauli ( I guess that was the town I read about ) and that basically the drag / gay scene made him feel comfortable and at home? Says a lot about him!
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@tbhmarjj
I adore you, thank u for this blog and ur beautiful mind. i doubt johns bisexuality at times tbh considering he went to great lengths for publicity and he wanted to be an LGBT ally, be cool and outspoken and as he himself said it was trendy to be bi. but then again he was obsessed with Paul in so many ways and he was the embodiment of John’s ideal man. beautiful, talented, intellectual. I’ll be patiently awaiting ur posts exploring Paul’s views on johns sexuality.Thank u
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Hello again, anon! 
I want to begin by thanking you for getting back to me after I answered your ask and for clarifying where you were coming from when you wrote it. It really is quite hard to fully get the tone of a written message, especially one that is so short that you have no context to draw from to get the emotional meaning behind it. It really appeared to me when I read it that the concern was not who was saying it (Yoko) but about what was being said (John was bisexual). I can now see that was not the case and I appreciate that you’ve made that clear. 
I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the opportunity to include in this answer all of the other asks I’ve been receiving regarding John’s sexuality. It’s clearly a topic of great interest in this community. So I’ll be attempting to address all the points raised here. Again, this is nothing definitive; only my personal readings of the situation as I find it at the moment.
Before I do answer, though, I’d just like everyone to take a deep breath and a step back. Let’s try to examine this topic a bit more objectively. 
I understand that sex is kind of major in our society. Our notion of identity is tightly bound to our classified sexuality and gender. Sexual relationships (or amorous relationships) are seen as the epitome of human connection and the ideal everyone should be striving for. And people fundamentally want to be loved and not alone, so it makes sense that figuring out who is a potential companion (and if that companion is interested back) is such a big deal.
But despite these layers of meaning and societal pressures, we should keep in mind what sex represents, essentially, from an evolutionary point of view. 
For social animals who derive pleasure from sexual stimulation, sexual intercourse is – like all the other kinds of affection – a way to build connections. 
If you want to find examples in nature, just look at our ape cousins, the bonobos. The also called pygmy chimpanzee lives in a matriarchal society where sexual behaviour plays an essential role in strengthening social bonds, lowering tension and keeping the peace. Bonobos don’t discriminate between gender or age (except between mothers copulating with their own adult sons, so as to prevent cross-breeding). It’s the true “free love” society; evolution took “make love, not war” and ran with it. 
Our own culture seems more similar to that of bonobos’ northern neighbours, the common chimp. Their patriarchy is more conservative regarding sexual intercourse, which is mainly used for reproduction purposes, and their power structure is based around intricate political games, where males form alliances and try to get public support in order to overthrow the ruling party.
I find it endlessly curious to look at these two species, whose physical separation by the Congo river made them diverge so starkly in their social organization, and compare them to the struggle between these same two natures that we find in our own society. 
All this to say that, from a simply biological point of view, I have to agree with John and Yoko when they say that everyone must be bisexual. If sexual intercourse as a social behaviour is, inherently, all about establishing bonds and connections, the extent to which those connections are “allowed” to be built depends entirely on the hierarchal structure that same society is trying to preserve. In other words, what is classified as morally right or wrong is more reflective of the rules in place to keep that society working as it is, than it is of what is naturally present as a drive. 
If your brain is primed to seek pleasure and sexual intercourse brings you pleasure independently of the partner’s gender, then the partner’s gender should be inconsequential.
But unlike bonobos, humans are kind of touchy about touching. So there are other levels of information influencing behaviour. The processes of socialization – of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society – and enculturation – by which people learn the dynamics of their surrounding culture and acquire values and norms appropriate or necessary in that culture and worldviews – are as determinant as the genetic factors influencing behaviour. In fact, this added education can be so effective in curbing your “primal instincts”, that one might forget they have them in the first place. 
Thus, the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are a constantly shifting construct based on the various interactions between your genetic makeup and social influences. 
I just think that, in order to have this discussion, it’s important to separate the various levels of it and be clear about which we are referring to.
There is the basic evolutionary drive to seek pleasure and form connections.
There is the social education about that same drive and how it is allowed to manifest itself.
And integrating all these different signals and information – various potentials which manifested as attraction – there finally is a behaviour, a choice.
And finally, there’s the external point of view of other members of society looking in and trying to discern other people’s drives and how they relate to their choices (that’s us now). The problem is, we often throw our own drives and choices into the mix, especially with regards to something as personally defining as sexual orientation. 
So we have to make very clear in our minds what is the end goal here. Why are we interested in discussing this topic? Are we looking to discern as much of the truth as we can get it, objectively trying to understand these human beings? Or are we trying to confirm our own projections on them? And please, don’t take me wrong. All these are valid reasons to be interested in a subject. Often how it resonates with us, so personally, is vitally important to reaching a greater understanding about ourselves and learning how to communicate that to others. 
But in the same way a piece of music can make you have a transformative emotional experience that the artist didn’t necessarily go through, it’s important to remember that our own inner-life might be affecting how we examine others. Better be mindful of what we project, lest we think are finally seeing inside another person when in fact we are only looking at our own reflection. (And honestly, I believe getting to truly know ourselves in this processes can be a hundred times more valuable than knowing the other. By learning to recognize ourselves we can better understand other people and vice-versa.) 
So if it is important to you that John is bisexual, my honest opinion is that all the information can be read in a way that confirms it. We’ll hardly ever know for sure, and based on what we do know, that can certainly be the takeaway. 
But if we want to objectively examine John’s sexuality, we shouldn’t bring in a confirmation bias. Meaning that we should be emotionally detached from the outcome, as long as it is as close to the truth as we can get. But this is only where I’m coming from, and I’m a bit of a scientist. It’s totally fair if you’re not in it for the same reasons. Though again, working under the assumption that you want to know my stance on it, let’s proceed.
I understand your reservations regarding Yoko as an unreliable narrator. To analyse Yoko’s motivations would be an interesting topic, but one which I will not go in at the moment as I don’t feel sufficiently informed about Yoko as a person to give an extensive examination.  
But in my opinion, there is a whole lot of other information available from which to draw from other than Yoko’s statements. 
I also get your and @tbhmarjj‘s concerns about John’s declarations during the 70s. But it’s the same question I posed in the previous post: Was the “bisexual chic” fad of the 1970s merely a publicity stunt for those involved? Even if it was, did it make the experimentations undertaken any less true? Were they just faking it for the press or were they finally allowed to try and be open about it? 
Because I come from the biological background that places sex as a positive social interaction like any other, meaning that its purpose is to create bonds and the pleasure is our “reward” for doing it, I tend to believe that the behaviours were genuine. The drive there is real. As real as the internal constraints that would act on them as a result of societies shifting expectations and permissions. And this socialization is as determinant in the creation of sexual attraction as anything. So based on our definition of sexual orientation, all those bi rockstars of the 70s could have effectively stopped identifying as bi once the new social norm overrun their own internal drives and the previous less conservative status quo. That didn’t make them less bi when they were. 
It’s funny, but in terms of gender and sexuality, nothing is real so everything is. 
So yeah, I think that John could have been bisexual the second he felt he was. But because the social tide was likely to shift, it was better to also maintain a measure of deniability: it was just for show, it’s not serious, I was just taking the mickey out of you and you fell for it! Of course John was smart enough to leave space there to retract. He and Paul had mastered the art as communicators through song. They could claim them to mean everything and nothing as it suited them. As Anon 2 says, it’s a protective measure. 
So I think that at some point in time, John genuinely identified as bisexual. Now whether he acted on it or not is another questioned entirely. As Anon 2 points out, there are various circumstantial accounts, but these are always tougher to verify. 
I tend to believe Yoko when she says:
So did Lennon ever have sex with men?
“No, I don’t think so,” says Ono. “The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”
I ask what she makes of the people outside the building, the crowds still at Strawberry Fields.
Ono misunderstands, or mishears (or is simply focused on the last strand of our conversation), and continues to talk about sex.
“I don’t make anything out of it. When you’re not really interested in that sort of sex, you don’t think about it. Both John and I surprisingly were very passive people. Unless somebody made a thing out of it, if they made a move, I wouldn’t even think about it.”
— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).
At least I believe he at least never “fully” did it, in the sense of full-blown anal sex. I think there might have been “milder” homosexual interactions, such as handjobs, that could be rationalized as not entirely gay (the thing with Brian in Spain being one of them.)
Regarding the drag scene in Hamburg Anon 4 was asking about, I agree that it also provides information about John. Though I think it’s mainly about his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation (though the two are invariably linked in the construct as well).
Here are some quotes about it:
With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were ‘all harmless and very young’ and it was actually possible to speak to one ‘without shuddering’. Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. ‘There was one particular club he used to like,’ Tony Sheridan remembers, ‘full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.’
— In John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman (2008).
And according to Horst Fascher (bouncer at the Indra Club and the Kaiserkeller):
It wasn’t just girls that were on offer to young english rockers. Monica’s Bar was Hamburg’s notorious transvestite club. For one or two English musicians, Monica’s was just another part of the Hamburg experience.
HORST FASCHER: One night Monica said, “Come, come and look. One of your boys is in the séparé.” “And who is it?” And she said, “One of the Beatles.” “Let me look”. She said, “Be careful. Look only sneaky-like.” But I did. I grabbed the curtain, pulled it aside and there was sitting John in… in a position with that girl, and you know. He felt really ashamed and I said, “John, don’t worry man. I did that all before.”
— In The Beatles Biggest Secrets. [Transcription is my own and I’m not too certain of it.]
Though there certainly might have been an aspect of sexual interest to it, I think John’s fascination with the drag scene was also the kinship with the queerness he felt inside himself; mainly in regards to him wanting to express his more sensitive side, which is coded as feminine in our society. So I think seeing men indulging in femininity and nonnormative behaviour resonated with him.
Also, I think it’s even more important to understand John’s relationship with sex in general, regardless of the partner. 
To that end, the quote mentioned by Anon 3 is of special relevance:
When I was a kid, I wanted to shag every attractive woman I saw. I used to dream that it would be great if you could just click your fingers and they would strip off and be ready for me. I would spend most of my teenager years fantasising about having this kind of power over women. The weird thing is, when the fantasies came true they were not nearly so much fun. One of my most frequent dreams was seducing two girls together, or even a mother and a daughter. That happened in Hamburg a couple of times and the first time it was sensational. The second time it got to feel like I was giving a performance. You know how when you make love to a woman that the moment you come, you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything. The more women I had, the more the buzz would turn into a horrible feeling of rejection and revulsion at what I’d been doing. As soon as I’d been with a woman, I wanted to get the hell out.
— John Lennon to Alistair Taylor (Brian Epstein’s assistant), 1965. In his autobiography With the Beatles: A Stunning Insight by The Man who was with the Band Every Step of the Way (2003).
And another important passage is in reference to Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy:
Well, his thing is to feel the pain that’s accumulated inside you ever since your childhood. […] The worst pain is that of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. When I was a child I experienced moments of not wanting to see the ugliness, not wanting to see not being wanted. This lack of love went into my eyes and into my mind. […] Most people channel their pain into God or masturbation or some dream of making it. […] But for me at any rate it was all part of dissolving the Godtrip or father-figure trip. Facing up to reality instead of always looking for some kind of heaven.
— John Lennon, interviewed by Robin Blackburn and Tariq Ali for Red Mole (8-22 March 1971). [I really can’t stop pointing to this quote as one of the most important in order to understand John Lennon.]
As he reiterates in ‘I Found Out’ (1970): Some of you sitting there with yer cock in yer hand / Don’t get you nowhere don’t make you a man
To me, John’s pursuit of sex is, like most things in his life, essentially about filling this black-hole of emotional pain. He internalized the lack of love from his parents, which went into his eyes and mind, until he himself believed he was unlovable. This lack of self-esteem translates into a lot of pain and the need for an external solution for that pain. 
The external solution is not wanting to feel so vulnerable any more. This can be achieved either by trying to seize control, by exerting it over others or having them look up to you (e.g. “fantasising about having this kind of power over women”; “some dream of making it”). Or it can be achieved by handing control over and being taken care of (e.g. “people channel their pain into God”, “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul”.)
Sex as an activity can play into these various dynamics: it can be used to feel power over others, as John started out; it can be used as an escapist distraction, like a drug (e.g. “you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything”); and it can be used as giving yourself over and being loved, looking to receive that which you can’t get from yourself. 
As time passed and the first two solutions stopped working, I think John focused on the third: sex in the context of an emotionally close relationship as the ultimate intimacy and proof that he was loved. And because he wanted to absolve himself of responsibility, to be taken care of, his partner needed to be someone on the other end, someone who had control. In our culture, this reads as a masculine figure (e.g. “father-figure trip”). 
This may be from a female, whose masculine qualities were what attracted John in the first place:
In this intense, intimate and revealing original cassette recording of a private conversation in 1969 between John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the couple speaks primarily about Yoko’s past relationships, her music and art, and their random views on sex, love, promiscuity, and homosexuality. […] [Lennon] adds that he had never met an attractive woman that had sexually aroused him to any great degree.
— Description of the 45-minute audiotape auctioned in 2009 by Alexander Autographs.
I used to say to him, ‘I think you’re a closet fag, you know.’ Because after we started to live together, John would say to me, ‘Do you know why I like you? Because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.’
— Yoko Ono, interviewed for New York Magazine (25 May 1981).
Or the partner he was looking for could be found in the (often dominant) person he was most emotionally invested in his whole life. 
All I want is you / Everything has got to be just like you want it to
And in a society that establishes that the closest two people can be, the greatest intimacy they can share, the ultimate declaration of love is to live in a monogamous amorous relationship, is it any wonder that John felt he could only believe in their relationship if they were together like that? Is it any wonder that he would doubt Paul’s affections because Paul apparently wasn’t willing to express them like that? 
JOHN: It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without… I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?
SHEVEY: But Yoko is a very independent person. Isn’t it— [inaudible]
JOHN: Sure, and so were the men I worked with. The only difference is she’s female.
SHEVEY: But you didn’t find it difficult to make that transition?
JOHN: Oh yeah. I mean, it took me four years. I’m still not – I’m still only coming through it, you know.
— Interview with Sandra Shevey (June 1972).
I know I keep posting this quote, but I don’t think he can make it more obvious than that: it’s not about the sex. Or rather, the sex is not the primary thing. 
He didn’t push all those years because he was uncontrollably horny for Paul. John just wants a physical manifestation, a more tangible “proof”, of his emotional connections. He wants to be able to hold hands, be held and perhaps also have sex with his best friend; he needs those proofs of love through the means of physical affection because he won’t believe Paul’s love for him is there otherwise (or that it’s as great as John’s).
Would society normalizing other kinds of relationships – such as friendships – to be as important or on the same level as amorous (romantic/sexual) ones, have helped John and Paul? Most likely. 
Would society normalizing same-sex amorous relationships have helped John and Paul? Perhaps. (For this one we would have to look more closely at Paul’s needs and desires.)
All this to say that John’s idea of sexuality was extremely influenced by society, and in his case, the rule “amorous relationships are the normative ones” outweighed the “heterosexual relationships are the normative ones”. 
The conflict occurred when from Paul’s perspective, the priority of the rules was the other way around. I think Paul was ready to ignore society’s norm and live his life with his friendship with John as the most important relationship. But he also wanted a heterosexual one. (But more on that on a post of its own.)
For now, I hope I have more or less managed to express my thoughts on the matter of John’s sexuality. 
Thank you so much for reading through all that and for reaching out in the first place! I truly appreciate it!
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iheartgod175 · 3 years
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Love Live, Revue Starlight & A Little Thing Called Envy
Alt title: my long journey into Bushiroad hell.
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So, those of you who have been long time followers on my blog know that I have had an obsession with playing both Love Live and Revue Starlight. My deep dive into these two franchises has made me realize why some people (both jokingly and seriously) call these “idol hells”.
Because when you get down to it, it really can be like hell sometimes. And though the anime are more harmless fun, this more or less applies to my experience with the games.
I currently sit at Rank 113 on Revue Starlight ReLIVE, Rank 121 on SIF (I think...I haven’t played that game in about a week), and Rank 33 on SIFAS. Yet some days, I don’t feel satisfied with my progress. Revue Starlight is way more competitive with its PVP system, but I also can get rather unsatisfied playing Love Live!AS as well, especially when I see players at a higher rank than me, when I see that they have all the cards I wanted and more, when they have max limit broken URs as guests whereas I can only dream of getting to that level. Seeing these players obtain cards (including the ever elusive Arthur Karen, Fes Setsuna and others) that I wanted had me seeing green. And in order to catch up with other players, I decided to spend money. And I mean, a lot of money. We’re talking probably hundreds of dollars over several months.
I managed to get some of the cards that I wanted, but it still wasn’t enough. And spending money on cards and not getting that UR is one of the worst feelings ever—though not nearly as bad as seeing a rival player with the card you wanted. Love Live!AS hasn’t really given me this issue since the prices are so inflated I rarely spend money on there, but Revue was a game I was willing to empty my savings account for, if only so I can get my new cards.
Add in to the fact that it takes me a while to get used to a game, and well...due to a combination of envy and frustration, I ended up resenting and dreading something that should have taken my mind off of work for a while. I picked up on Revue Starlight’s turn-based system quickly, but I’m still learning the Awakening system. I got so frustrated with Love Live!AS that I quit after a few months due to this envious frustration, even though I enjoyed the characters and story. And after a while, my gacha pulls on Revue Starlight became useless, so I stopped playing that too (although my interest in the series was starting to wane at the time as well).
That was when I realized that something had to give. I couldn’t keep wasting my money on games like these, nor could I spend so much time playing them. I noticed that they were making me socially distant from others. I barely hung out with my online friends because as soon as I got home I would boot up either SIFAS or SIF and play them for hours. I ended up being dropped out of school because I decided the game was more important than homework. And writing stories? What’s that?
With the help of my granddad, I managed to get my spending down. I did go a little crazy with my spending once the stimulus checks hit, though, which didn’t help at all. Spending money on these games kept me from getting things I wanted, as well as things I needed.
That was when I decided that it was time for a change.
So I started keeping track of my game purchases, setting a limit for how much time and money I spend on games, and to get things in the game through good old fashioned grinding. I don’t have as much time on my hands as other players who are rank 45 and higher, but I decided to use the time limit to clear songs and aim for completion rather than simply “get new cards”. I also made the decision to focus on two games instead of all three, going back occasionally to one or the other. This is the current reason why I’m still at the same level on SIF, because I’ve spent more time playing Love Live!AS and ReLIVE. This has affected my skill in SIF, though, but I know I just need to get into the swing of things with a few more practices.
And yes, though I still struggle with envy and disappointment sometimes, I don’t feel quite as anxious as I did before when I was starting to play. Since I’ve come to the conclusion that I DON’T need to race to catch up with everyone else, that I DON’T need that UR to be truly happy, that I DON’T need to collect every character in the game, I’ve been enjoying the games I play a lot more. I’ve been working on skill and team building in addition to completion, and though it is tedious, I feel that I’m getting better with each team I build. I take advantage of campaigns to build up my members, and play several songs or go through several stages a day to get more items and clear lists. And I’ve decided that I’ll be taking the time to build up my initial and 3 star members instead of focusing solely on the UR members of each game.
And since I’ve got my iPad, I can now set time limits and reminders for tasks, which keeps me from “forgetting” and keeping me on track with assignments and chores. It does suck getting interrupted in the middle of a game, but it helps me to remember the important things. And since I currently don’t have a steady internet provider (using the hotspot on my phone), I need to make sure I keep up with it. I now spend less time on the game than I did before, and have better grades.
So, there you have it. Yeah, idol hell is a real thing, and the journey into it can be long and arduous, even destructive at times. But I learned my lesson about letting it dominate every part of my life, and have curbed back on it significantly. Having hobbies is good, but not if it’s destroying everything else I want and love to do.
Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to do my other things before doing my daily limit on SIFAS.
NOTE: I would include Bandori, but I don’t play it much now (due to being salty about losing my other account), so that’s not applicable.
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cloudbeom · 5 years
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Fanmeet
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warnings: rude fans
Genre: Slight angst; fluff; crack
Summary  : when BTS has a female member, public shows are both a problem and a blessing
A/n: I had so much fun with this just the thought of y/n and the boys doing a fansign gives me the uwus as well anon! Enjoy! (Requests are still open)
Add on : sO,, if anyone is wondering what ‘Ethereal’ is, it’s a solo song the Igirl made! I just thought it was fitting bc Jimin goes Serendipity, Gukkie goes Euphoria, Tae had Singularity, Jin has Awake and so on, so i thought, why not??????
Add on pt 2 : when you see (Y/member’s last name), it means ur ship name! LMK what YOUR ship name is!!
masterlist
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"Be polite, smile a lot, don't give personal info, don't be rude even if the fans are rude to you, show interest in them, don't make things look so serious, and don't disappoint" the event manager said, Bangtan all nodded enthusiastically
"We haven't got our seat arrangements yet" Hobi wondered out loud
"Let's rock paper scissors it" you suggested, placing your water bottle down as everyone smiled and gathered around, the staff thinking that it was only fair rather than assigning random seats.
"Win or lose, rock paper scissors!"
-
"Hello ARMY!" Namjoon said as he walked out, waving at the fans who were screaming when we got out, standing close at the front "Welcome to our love yourself fan sign!"
"We are so glad you could come here today.." Jimin said, smiling "There are so many of you~ I can't wait to meet you all!"
"I hope we will have a great time meeting each other today" Yoongi said, "It's been so long and you all have been waiting"
"I'm so excited!" Jungkook said, looking at the screaming fan girls "I see so many pretty girls in line already!!"
J-hope started dancing "I wonder if I'll meet my soulmate~~?" He said, making almost the whole area of Army to scream. Tae chuckled "One of them are the screaming ones" He said, looking at the girls and waving at them.
"Without wasting anymore time! Let's start, shall we?" Jin said, winking charmingly and caused two or three girls to almost pass out. Yikes.
The seating arrangements were, Tae went first, followed by Jimin, then Namjoon, next to him was Jin, then it was Jeongguk, and then me, and Yoongi was next to me, followed by Hoseok last.
There was a short 5 minute break for the fans who was getting ready to meet the idols. While the break started, You looked at Yoongi and grinned.
"What's wrong with you?" He said, chuckling as he grabbed his marker pen.
"I'm just very excited, I feel so nervous to meet them" You said, laying your hand on the table.
"Aren’t they supposed to feel that?" Yoongi replied, looking at the fans who were checking their albums and making sure everything was okay. "This isn't your first fan sign after all"
"It's not my first, but I'm sure as hell not good at it" you sigh, taking a sip of your water "I just hope whatever bullshit I deal with today is not as bad as last time"
"You improved a lot, y'know" Jungkook said, lightly squeezing your hand under the table "Plus, you're in the middle of Yoongi Hyung and me, if any fans are threatening-looking, I know for a fact that Yoongi hyung will give them a proper ass-whooping" He said which made Yoongi nod casually as if it was normal, and that made you laugh.
Not long after, the first row of fans started coming.
"Hello!" you said and the first girl smiled when she reached you, you grinned and took her book from Yoongi and flipped it open to the page you were supposed to sign, there was a sticky note there, and a question.
Who's your favorite member?
I chuckled, writing 'all, can't choose :)'
When you turned to the girl, she was blushing like crazy, you held her hand, "Are you okay-"
"YOUR MY BIAS AND MY BIAS WRECKER AND MY BIAS BIAS BIAS WRECKER AND I LOVE YOU" She said, squealing, alarming the boys and your manager, but they laughed it off, seeing it wasn’t a threat. You chuckled at her behavior and squeezed her hands, glad there were fans like her who loved you.
"Thank you so much, but don't tell anyone that, especially Jin" You whispered secretly and closely as if it were a secret, and she started giggling "Promise me okay~?"
She interlocked her pinkie with yours, and you both laughed as she was told to move next, you handed Yoongi her book.
"(Y/N) SSI!" A fan yelled from below, you smiled as you looked at the crowd who were filming you and decided to do a heart aegyo just before the next fan came to you.
"Anyeong!" The next fan smiled, handing you her album "Can (Y/n) ssi tell me how she stays so beautiful?"
You chuckled "Beauty is in the heart, I would thank my stylist for the appearance" you said, signing her book and writing notes on it.
"But how does (Y/n) Ssi handle being in a dorm with seven handsome oppas??" She asked, you leaned in closer to her and grabbed her hand.
The girl giggled at my response "What's your name?" you asked
"Jae Hwa" She smiled, you wrote it on her book, with a couple of side notes.
"Well, Jae Hwa, you are very lucky because I might invite you to the dorm one day so you can feel it yourself" you winked, she squealed and thanked you for making her day as she moved along.
"I wonder where my favorite red hoodie went, last time I let (Y/n) ssi stay with me, it disappeared" Jungkookie said to the mic, pretending to think as fans started laughing.
“Implying something, international playboy?" you asked, raising your eyebrows jokingly as you propped your elbows on the table to lean front and look at him "I'll give it baccckkk, you stole my heels and I didn't even whine about it!"
Army's laughed at Jungkookie's embarrassed expression, hiding his blushing face, you patted him on the shoulder and chuckled as the next fan came to you, a present in hand.
"(Y/n) ssi, this is for you!" She said, placing a flower crown on my head "I love Ethereal so much (Y/n) ssi, You are such a great singer!"
"Thank you so much~" You said shyly, opening her book and saw her note
When is (Your rap name) going to have another collab with Agust D? I Love you both TT
You chuckled, writing ;Please wait for it noona, and I love YOU!!
She giggled as she took the book back, waving at you and you waved back.
Another fan came along, but she passed you, with a light but audible scoff. You sighed, it's not the first time, but is sucks A LOT to be hated on by ARMY's who only loved the boys.
Yoongi had noticed the sad look on your face and gently took your hand under the table while talking to her, his jaw clenching and you lightly squeezed his hand, telling him it was okay and was fine with it.
"Why did you skip (Y/n)?" Yoongi blurted out, the Army looked confused.
"Yah, who is (Y/n)?" She asked, but before Yoongi answered, she moved on to Hoseok, who greeted her with a sunshine smile, either oblivious to the situation or was trying to retain a good image.
The Army below seemed to notice and was smiling and doing hearts at you, while some of them were blowing kisses "FIGHTING (Y/n) SSIIIII!!" they yelled, as if feeling your pain, you gave them a heart back, telling them you truly appreciated their support.
The next fan came to you and Jungkook, a bag in her hands "Here! This is for (Y/n) unnie and Kookie oppa! Eat a lot and share okay!" She smiled, giving us the bag. Inside were full of sweets and chocolates that made your and Guk’s eyes lit up, enough to make you both forget about the nickname she had called you.
"Ahhhh, Kookie needs to cut off his sugar, thank you sweetie!" You joked, taking the bag and putting it under the table, Kookie whined like a baby
"Buttttttttt!" he said, pretending to cry as he pouted "Noona, (Y/n) is so mean to me" He said, turning to the girl as she giggled at the both of you, the army screaming  '(Y/KOOK)!'
Jungkook proceeded to talk with the girl, and you looked at Yoongi, who had was smiling at a camera, and decided to join him, the Army smiling when we both did and aegyo together "Thank you (Yoon/n)!" She smiled as you blew a kiss to her.
"(Y/n) ssi" The fan that gave you and kookie the sweets said, smiling at me, you gave her my full attention. "My name is Seo Yun" "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl" you smiled, signing her book and answering her question
If (Y/n) and her hyungs had a fight, who apologizes first?
Both of us. But usually it's me because I can't stand fights TT
I gave her back her book and she smiled "(Y/n) ssi is so caring!" She gushed, you laughed and patted her cheek.
"I just think that everyone in this world deserves chances" you said, she smiled and thanked you, moving onto Yoongi.
Surprisingly, everything went swimmingly after that. You received more gifts than you received during your first fan sign, and you had only encountered less rude ARMY’s than you had thought you would, thankfully security had thrown them out and Yoongi didn’t have to do what Jeongguk had called ‘ass whooping’. And in the end, you and the boys were enjoying every second of their fansign.
You yawned and covered your mouth as you laid your head on Jeongguk’s shoulder, he lifted his shoulder and your head fell, you repeated your actions but Jeongguk had shrugged you off again “YAH KOOK!”
Jeongguk had a playful ‘come get me’ grin, but you were having none of his bullshit, so you faced Yoongi, and he had a ‘don’t even think about it’ glare
“Are you tired (Y/n) ssi?” An ARMY asked you, and you shook your head, picking up your microphone
“No no, my head is just heavy” You said casually, making Jin snort.
“Everyone, what do you call a sleeping bull?” He asked, making ARMY curious and you rolled your eyes playfully.
“A bulldozer” Jin laughed, and Jimin bit his lip, as if telling himself ‘don’t laugh, don’t laugh’
“What do you call a sleeping Dinosaur?” Jin asked again, looking at Jimin this time, Jimin picked up his mic.
“Enlighten me, hyung”
“Dinosnore”
Jimin, being Jimin, actually burst out laughing at the stupid joke and your sighed loudly, why is it always like this at fan signs? you could’ve sworn he told that joke already before.
You we’re having so much fun talking with ARMY that when the last person came, you actually felt really sad.
“No, NO COME BACK :(” You cried when she moved to Yoongi because time was up, Yoongi took the album from your hands and you hissed. “I will miss all of you!”
You pouted as you sat there, waiting for the last ARMY to move down the stage so you can do your last group photo and say goodbye.
You actually enjoyed today and that was why you were so sad to leave them, most of them had been really nice to you and gave you great gifts, so when everyone finished taking a photo and wanted to leave, you had shouted in the mic “ARMY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” which they replied with screams twice as loud.
Namjoon had to drag you so you would stop blowing your signature kisses to them and you cried dramatically as Namjoon (With the help of Hoseok) pushed you behind the curtain backstage.
and as you walked down, you could hear still hear the ARMY’s shouting that they love you as well.
You placed a hand on your heart, ignoring the boys laughing. Yeah, you’ll look forward to fan signs from now on
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loisette · 5 years
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SL Switch Up Challenge (Camus)
...Except I changed up some things: the “add at least one of his cards to your teams” was ignored for the most part and I picked my least favourite character (Camus, if you haven’t read the title) instead of the one that I have the lowest bond with because it seemed more fitting with the spirit of the challenge! Original ruleset can be found here!
I actually did this a while ago but I didn’t have time to post it because I was busy with uni and then decided to go for T3 UK Reiji. Maybe it’s for the best though, my perspective changed a little with time.
Day 1
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First thing I’ve noticed are his heart links. I love how they progress, you can tell which one is the level 1 and which one is the level 3 or at least I think that’s the order they should be in, I’ve been avoiding Camus since I saw his Bond 50 lines. It’s how I wish heart links were the first place... well, maybe not to this extent but you know, something like an obvious fact for the first one and as it progresses you learn more less-known stuff that’s not that easy to notice.
I picked this heart links because even though I knew he had this sort of dynamic with Ran, I didn’t expect him to say it so openly. Maybe it’s a sign that he grew closer to the player and starts to admit what he truly thinks of the others (considering that first line is said in his butler voice), maybe it’s the heart links progression I was talking about or maybe a little bit of both - I’m not sure.
Day 2
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Yeah, I know, it’s the last heart link lines, I’m sorry. I have everyone x everyone heart links level 3 unlocked so I spend the day trying to see if all of them follow the same pattern as Ranmaru’s. There are two characters that he compliments in all of the heart links - Ai and... Natsuki.
Ai I understand, I figured this one out but Natsuki was a huge surprise to me, especially that last line. I didn’t expect him to even be able to stand Natsuki’s personality. I’m not sure when does he show that smartness but okay, I don’t know his character that well either...
The vision of him and Natsuki just chillin’ and drinking tea is pretty cute and calming. Welp, another rare pair to the collection I guess! ...Now I lowkey regret that Butler Natsuki event didn’t feature Camus as the SR tbh. Maybe we’ll get some tea party set with the two as the URs in the future?
Day 3
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He’s ticklish?! A-anyway... Overall, his reactions when poked are surprisingly soft. Aaand the pictured ones are all said in his deep voice (well, I’m not sure about the laugh). There’s this I guess...:
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...But he still doesn’t use that prideful, condescending tone. He’s almost tsudere-like tbh. Well, almost.
Day 4
That was the day I realized that even though I didn’t pick Camus based on the bond, I should still probably show it to prove I’m doing something. So, here’s my bond with him as of Day 4:
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As well as his heart links:
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I started the challenge with him being on early Bond 65 too (or 7th based on the bond) but I unfortunately have no screenshots of that moment. Also yeah, I changed his costume and wallpaper because I’m not even sure how long he’s been left with it and I was getting tired of it. I guess he deserves better than the LtM outfit.
I should probably show the teams I use(d) too. It was after the event already but here are the event teams anyway:
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I kept switching Prince Natsuki with Renarty for Seien no Brave Heart for higher score. I could have done so with Camus because they score the same so there’s something I guess? Also there’s no Shine team because my Dream used to be my Shine (UK Reiji saved it...at least for now) with two members swapped and I only played one Shine song - You’re My Life - because I needed more Shine gems for the weekly misson.
Here you can see the team I used (and still use!) outside of the events:
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After unlocking everybody’s heart links level 3 I started farming Ai’s level 4 ones. Originally it was 3 Ren and 3 Syo cards but I added Camus. Honestly... I wasn’t really to try to follow the original rules.
I genuinely like the way Camus heart links work so he’s staying in there until I unlock that last heart link...which might turn out to be next year if KLab doesn’t slow down with the events. At the time of writing this their heart link is 1801 until rank up so not much progress but Syo and Ren need way less time so it should get faster once I finish theirs.
I don’t have many of lines from that day and I read all of the stories but the focusing on the teams gave me an idea. His cards.
He has some very gorgeous cards (two pictures below are taken from the wiki). I went for Mafia Camus just because I loved the theme. Idolized art still looks great after all this time too!:
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I like his Halloween v2 so much that I tried scouting in his half to get him (no luck though) and unidolized is honestly one of my favourite cards in the game!:
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...Welp, I think you can guess what kind of aesthetics I like.
Also...as silly as it is, I like singing karaoke (but with vocals left and it’s only at home so not really) with my sister and occasionally one of my friends and have color-coded lyrics for almost 40 songs atm. We all suck me the most but it’s fun and we don’t care. Anyways, the point was - out of 4 Utapri songs we have prepared the lyrics for (well, only I did...), somehow 2 of them feature Camus - Junketsunaru Ai -Aspiration-  and NorthWind and SunShine.
Junketsunaru is super fun to sing and it’s my favourite Camus solo but I really like Zettai Reido Emotion as well!
One of my favourite songs overall - Trois - also features Camus. Non-Fiction is a banger too! ...I’m not gonna list songs with 4 and more people because this would take way too long so I’ll stop here.
And as a side note, I really love how this line sounds (sorry for no clip, it’s sort of breathy, something in between his regular and fake voice):
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Day 5
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I’m not sure if the first line is mistranslation or not but I’ve chosen to believe it’s not. This sort of lines are the reason why Camus wasn’t at the very bottom of my favourite list for a short period of time.
Serious characters that act seriously or at least casually about stuff that sounds absurd or at least unfitting for them is something I find funny. I’m not sure if there’s a name for this trope, boke doesn’t exactly fit but I’m guessing I like it because I like this sort of Manzai humour Gintama uses anyways.
This also makes me chuckle but I felt like it didn’t match first two enough to get paired with them:
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Aaand while this one might not seem particularly funny, it reminded me of my headcanons I first had when going through the profiles while SL was downloading - that the “fabulous hair guy” was a chuuni (because I didn’t believe his description) that loves Kuroshitsuji and tries to act like Sebastian because he think it’s cool:
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I still headcanon that he’s a Sebastian stan btw. 
And while not from SL and not something new I’ve learned, I just had to put this in here because it turned so fun themed (gif taken from here):
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Day 6
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Time for Camus idle lines! I really tried looking for stuff he says in his natural voice but I couldn’t find anything better.
First one is very basic but I wanted to give an overview of Camus lines at Bond 65 so it had to do. Ai’s were better even as early on but I guess there’s not much to show when you have to fit in some of the butler persona lines and there’s less idle lines that the ones caused by tapping (I think?) so I’m probably being too impatient... I hope.
The last one is something that I could put as a standalone “line of the day” though. It’s so satisfying to make him swallow his pride and ask instead of demand! It’s a small step but it would be so fulfilling to teach him his place... Maybe that’s one of the reasons his fans like him - they feel like they could change somebody for the better. Or is it more like revealing his true, soft side?
I guess characters like this make the thing more “realistic” (can I even use this word while refering to Utapri and Camus? Probably not). But I feel like it’s not what they were going for, considering the way he acts towards the player.
Anyway, I used to think his lines would be more like: “How dare you ignore me, peasant?” and couldn’t get what are the reasons people like him other than them having a thing for jerks. Now I can see some more logical ones.
Day 7
Aka all the negative stuff I cut out from the other days and my final thoughts and the bond/heart links update.
If you just wanted some wholesomeness and can’t accept any negativity, you can finish reading here, no hard feelings! Thank you for reading! and remember that liking or disliking a character doesn’t define a person so please no pointless attacking me 
And if you are fine with it, thank you even more! A lot of this is speculations based on what I see in SL and I know still don’t understand Camus so feel free to try to change my mind if you know more than I do!
But first of all, here’s how my bond and heart links looked as of Day 7:
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And this is how they look now, the week after the challenge:
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Comparing Day 4 to Day 7, you can see that I was tapping him more than a couple times a day - he went up one whole level!
And about the current ones... I know Camus/Ai heart link barely moved but there was pretty much no downtime, my Bond/Link team is still the same! Most of the bond comes from being in my Star team.
Now that’s out of the way, here’s the line I mentioned Day 1, the very reason I Camus landed at the bottom of my list in the first place:
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Yikes.
I already consider possessiveness a big flaw that they gave some characters because nobody’s perfect and some people are into that so it’s a win-win... but this is a whole another level (I’m not sure why out of all the words “can” is the one that’s capitalized though). It’s disturbing.
I do feel like there was a lot of potential in his character. They could give him some character development, make him show the side he shows to the player to the others too and I guarantee it would make him more popular.
I mean, my favourite is Ai. His attitude towards Syo and Natsuki in the early anime was pretty bad but he had changed, he even becomes friends with them and in the Denim stories it’s confirmed that they still hang out.
However... to me, even if Camus starts showing the same side he shows the player to the others, he will never make it higher than mid-tier of my list just because of this one line ...but I guess it still would be an improvement.
Also, I’ve heard that he’s no the only one that acts this way in the vn so if anyone could tell me the details that would be great... or not, depending on the boys but I’d still be grateful if you’d save me from liking someone like this!
Anyway, you could probably figure that out already but I find it awkward and uncomfortable how different he acts towards the player compared to how he acts towards the other idols, especially poor Cecil. Is there a legitimate reason he treats him this way?:
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Other than simply “he dislikes him”, ofc. It’s a genuine question btw, if anyone knows more, especially from the VN, please tell me.
Don’t get me wrong, I really like the sort of rivalry between him and Ran but clearly it’s not how his relationship with Cecil works.
I might be reading too much into that but I feel like Cesshi seems aware of the side Camus shows to the player (which I didn’t catch first time I read the story tbh) and from the Camus side of the story I feel like he knows that he knows and yet, he still says this:
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It’s just sad, really. Should I feel bad that he distanced himself from the others, is there any reason for that or is he making himself a victim to the player? ...Ugh, I know it’s not the case but it makes the most sense. Idk, is he too full of himself to notice? It doesn’t seem right, I mean... he called Natsuki smart... or smarter than he looks, at least.
Cecil is implied to know about his “true self” so I feel like he understands you to some extent. He’s trying to be nice to him, yet Camus refuses to acknowledge it... Here, despite the way he treats him, that poor baby still tries to (awkwardly) cheer him up:
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I feel like his pride was hurt a little and Cecil did help him by saying that... but I don’t think I understand Camus enough so maybe not. Anyway, even though it was awkward, Cecil’s definitely being gentle here so I’m not sure why he can’t see that. Eh, I really don’t get this guy.
To quote best boy (who said this today as the 2nd bond boosting line so I had to put this btw):
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And I doubt it’s just Cecil, it was probably implied by more people but it flew over my head because I didn’t know he’s so different when talking to the player.
Well, at least there's some improvement later in the story because he stops saying that kids like Cecil because he’s childish and instead rolls with the explanation Cecil gave him - it’s because Cecil has more experience with children.
I read those stories beforehand and it was why I was so surprised that he likes Natsuki - after all he acts the most childish and does what he wants. I’m not sure if there’s something important about Natsuki I’m missing don’t know or if talking to Alexander makes you smart in Camus eyes.
Okay, but back to his... triple-faceness, at this point? This is basically stuff I cut out of the Day 6 because I felt like it was getting too negative:
I don’t like how he’s only kinder to the player. If anything, it makes me wonder if he’s lying and picked just another mask good for geting what he wants. Ugh, I know it’s not the case again and you don’t need to convince me but with the character like this, I can’t really get rid of this feeling.
But I guess maybe it makes his fans feel truly special - characters like Otoya or Cecil are nice to everybody so the way they treat you in comparision to the others doesn’t have as much of an impact as it’s with Camus. Even Ran's softer side isn’t reserved only for the player. But ignoring how badly he treats the others just to feel special...it’s way too selfish for me but I get that some people find that attractive.
In conclusion, I didn’t have an accurate image of Camus personality before this challenge so I’m glad I did it. Now I understand that he’s way more complex, even if I don’t really get him. However I started seeing the reasons why some people might like him, so I feel like maybe I at least understood his fans better.
This challenge was pretty fun. I’m glad I learned something new, I might even do this again with Masato ...but probably without creating a post because I end up spending way too much time on it. I thought it’s gonna be way harder to pick the pictures (...though I made things easier for myself and started doing this by themes) or write anything about someone you don’t really like.
Even if I mainly focused on the negatives in the end, the things I said in the first 6 Day were important as well. He originally had his own separate “Nope” tier, now he’s in the bottom tier with Masato so it’s a bit of improvement? I still don’t like him (due to the stuff listed during Day 7 and more) but for different reasons and slightly less.
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seokjins · 5 years
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lots of asians go to us or europe and make yt videos about foreign culture, diffrences between asia and their current place, you don't seem to have problem with that. just let people enjoy other cultures, not every white person is paul logan ffs
yeah HAHA anon you don’t seem to understand the systematic racism that’s leveled towards asians when they travel to said countries to “live there”. sure there are pockets of asian communities in the US and europe, but they all face oppression in these white dominated countries.
many people in asia glorify white people: their eyes, their skin, their language, their features. these people are deliberately going to another country bc they think their culture is a fad & easily consumable. 
i guarantee you that a lot of asian immigrants (or non white immigrants in general) come to america because they want to give their children better lives . im hardly talking about “moving to the US so i can become a chinese teacher and here’s my cool vlog about it and how much i’m obsessed w american culture” like nah. there’s a difference between choices and chances and decisions that are often made for someone. 
if you’re talking about the younger generation traveling abroad and choosing to live in a new country, it’s oftentimes because they like the country, sure, but also you have to understand they HAVE and the WILL face racism that white people will NEVER experience. a lot of asian people stop whites on the street so they can get photos with them. ex. my friend had been showing people around gyeonbokgung & their entire party was wearing hanbok but only the white people were asked to take photos w the locals
the truth is that a majority of these people traveling to, namely, korea and japan do so because they are in love with this version of the country that doesn’t actually fucking exist. instead of appreciating the culture, they’re turning it into a caricature of what the people and the country actually are. they think they’re getting “in touch” with their idols, or “in touch” with their anime/manga whatever, and they don’t even bother learning the damn language before they rub their fingers all over their “new home” tryna reach for shit that isn’t real
note: this is different than first gen immigrants who have no choice but to move to america w minimal eng speaking abilities, trying to protect their lives & the lives of children/family. i can also guarantee you that int’l transfer students often speak fluent/proficient english before they even bother trying to move to the states for EDUCATION, much less starting a job like some whities who don’t really even want to go into the education field 😃😃
what i want is for nonasians (but specifically white people!) to stop capitalizing off their english speaking abilities and not even bother to get in touch w the country itself, instead of the politically branded image (yes ! kpop is hugely and heavily supported by the korean government) that’s projected to the world
just bc ur in korea doesn’t mean ur gonna see ur damn oppas walking around myeongdong or chungmuro or sinchon. u can go to gangnam all u want but i guarantee you the only place you’ll even see an idol is at their own dam restaurant or cafe ……………….and most of the time not even then 😃😃!
what bothers me most about these people is that they have privilege when they move to these countries that the People Who Are Citizens of Said Countries dont even have like. it’s unfair that these people get to uproot whenever they want bc of their privilege . marty, they don’t have to deal w the inability to find a job in a new country, get mocked for their features; their accent, don’t have the history of oppression that has been building for CENTURIES. 
you know what chinese people have, walking around on their shoulders in america? the chinese exclusion act of 1882 when we were literally not allowed to live in america. whities weren’t forced to live in chinatown SF and own nothing but laundromats and still have the slanty-eyed, chink face slurs thrown at them. when whites go to asian countries, you know what they get? they get praise for their pale skin and big eyes and blonde hair, so u can genuinely just fuck off if you think that a white person can experience racism lmfaoooooo
funny thing how most of these white youtubers say they speak little or no korean yet think they can truly live as a korean to appreciate “korean culture” (which involves pan-asian political strifes, economic downturn, financial dependence on hallyu, etc) in korea yet somehow also have a stable job 😃😃funny how they also LOVE LOVE LOVE to mock asian social customs as well, calling them ghastly/beastly, making fun of their food, their cuisine, saying it’s gross when people chew with their mouth open, spit food onto the table, talk or yell loudly while eating, see schoolgirls in their uniforms without sexualizing them or saying “wow they’re so oppressed!” . 
people (but whities especially!) can’t pick and choose the good things they like about a country and say they enjoy a country’s culture. 
the problem is not white people appreciating and visiting an asian country. the issue is white people settling down and refusing to acknowledge the reason why they’re here is because of fetishism while simultaneously ignoring the fact that they benefit greatly off their white privilege. they don’t go there to be part of the culture. they go there so they can continue living a comfortable english speaking lifestyle while consuming content that’s grossly inaccurate to the lives of normal asian citizens.
shit really does stink huh. and here’s a secret: so do you ! :)
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hiyo-silver · 6 years
Text
Gold
Summary: YOI au. Stan is Eddie's new skating coach, but he starts to have feelings for him.
Pairings: Eddie Kaspbrak/Stanley Uris
AO3
Taglist: @fuckboykaspbrak @thesquidliesthuman @starboystan @rachi0964 @shewasthewind @beepbeep-losers @bigbilliamdenbro @jalenrose1122 @sleepygaybrough @itandstrangerthingsfanfic @boopboopreddie @peachywyatt
Eddie pulls on his skate, lacing it with care, his hands quivering and he's not sure if it's with cold or with anxiety. He shoves the lace through the top holes, tying them off in a bow.
He peers around, looking for his coach, Stan, jumping more than he'd expect to when his eyes meet Stan's.
"Eddie, good to see you," Stan acknowledges him with a nod, walking over and putting his hand to eddie, grasping Eddie's in his own and pulling him up. "You get cold easily?" He notices, feeling Eddie's hands feeling near icy when he's hardly been in the rink at all.
"Uh- yeah, hi Mr. Uris, I'm seriously so so honored to work with you-" Eddie starts, stopping when Stan waves his hand to tell him to stop.
"We should get started soon, I've only ever seen your work in videos, can you do that routine from the last competition?" Stan asks, hoping Eddie would understand once he pulls up the music from the routine.
Eddie nods, walking on the thin blades of the skates, holding onto the wall for a moment, breaking under the pressure of working with his idol. Once the music hits his ears it all melts away though, it flows through him from his ears to his toes, bringing a performance smile to his face and fluid movements through his body.
Eddie glides on the surface of the ice, his arms poised elegantly above his head, doing a turn, and then another, both flawlessly. He truly forgets himself in his skating.
The music ends and he slides over to the edge, leaning on the wall and panting to find his breath. "Good?" He asks through a breath out.
"Decent," Stan nods in response. Taking some notes on his laptop, his slender fingers dancing around the keys as delicately as Eddie's landings after jumps.
Eddie nods breathlessly. At least it's decent, he smiles to himself, getting back onto the normal floor and shuffling to the bench, drinking from his water bottle. "How can I improve it, Mr. Uris?" He turns and asks the curly haired man.
"We can discuss, over coffee perhaps? And don't call me mr. Uris. That's m-my father. Stanley to you," he says with a playful smirk that Eddie wouldn't have expected from him.
Eddie keeps his jaw from dropping, "uh- yeah, coffee, now?" He asks, his words just barely stumbling from his lips.
"Sure, if that works for you," Stan says with a shrug, gathering his coat up into his arms, and then his laptop, sliding it smoothly into his over the shoulder bag.
Anxiety bubbles into Eddie's throat, but this definitely will be good, it has to be. Stanley Uris. His idol, someone he's looked up to for as far back as he can remember. And he wants to get coffee with him.
Eddie gathers his stuff up, taking off his skates as quickly as he can, pulling at the laces with his spindly fingers clumsily. He finally brushes his fingers through his hair and goes back out to Stan, "Ready if you are," he says with a grin, the nervousness masking it almost like a subtle grimace.
"I'm always ready, a lesson in life, be ready for anything," the man says with a tense shrug, seeming more like he's trying to convince himself.
Eddie's grimace disappears, his worry faltering only for a moment, because, despite what he always thought. Stanley Uris is a human being.
Stan looks down at him, "Well, let's go, I know a place near here, we can walk," he announces, seeming almost as nervous as Eddie? That can't be.
Stan leads the way out of the rink doors, the warmth of the outside hitting their skin. One foot in front of the other, they walk nearly in sync. They walk in silence, just the sound of feet hitting the pavement, Eddie notices how Stan's always meet the pavement with a satisfying smack, he finds comfort in it.
They reach the coffee shop, Stan automatically holding the door open for Eddie as the smell of coffee beans fill their noses. Stan sighs, "One of my favorite places," he tells Eddie, leading him to get in line.
Stan orders first, getting a black coffee that makes Eddie feel intimidated by his original idea of something sweeter. Despite that, he chooses what he wants, not wanting to sacrifice himself even if sometimes himself is embarrassing around boys he's interested in.
Stan smirks in his direction and Eddie can't help but blush, a strong gaze in his direction never fails to render him useless. "Nice order," Stan teases, going to grab his to-go cup, not putting any creamer or sugar in it, taking sips from it with a seemingly unphased expression, what a power move.
Eddie sips from his sweeter version, feeling almost weak in comparison to Stan, the competition threatening his own masculinity, caught between his crush and his pride.
"So, how do you feel about working with me long term?" Stan asks, taking a seat, looking over at Eddie to command him to sit across from him.
"I- think I'd like that," Eddie nods, trying not to look flustered as he sips at his coffee. "If you'd like we could go back to the rink after this? I have some skills I'm trying to refine-," Eddie starts to ramble, stopping when Stan kindly shushes him.
"That was the only work based question I plan to ask on this outing," Stan says outright, very blunt in how he communicates, that much has been made obvious to Eddie thus far.
"Oh," Eddie says, trying to hold back a sheepish giggle, what kinds of conversations does he want then? He asks himself, wracking his brain for things to say next.
"I checked your Twitter, and your Facebook," Stan admits, still keeping his persona of confidence, "You seem like a good person."
Eddie hears the tone in Stan's voice, reading that that isn't a thing he says often, obviously not one for giving compliments. "Thank you, and you as well Mr. Ur- Stanley," he corrects himself quickly, not wanting to offend him even just out of a habit.
Stan scoffs a bit, "Oh I'm far from a good person, or at least used to be," he claims, a hardass on everyone, but over anyone else, himself.
"No, sir- uh, Stanley, I think you're a good person," Eddie assures, reaching out for Stan's hand out of reflex and how he's used to comforting his friends.
Stan flinches at the contact before taking Eddie's hand back, "You'll learn soon enough," Stan tells him softly.
"Or I'll teach you soon enough," Eddie says with a cocked eyebrow, taking a drink from his cup, wincing when it nearly burns his tongue, earning a dry chuckle from Stan.
Skip forward a few days, Eddie and Stan are on a run for conditioning, laughing through their panting, and Eddie can't help but look at how Stan's arms look even more toned in the natural light, he tries to look away but he is unable to make himself, to his thankfulness, Stan doesn't notice.
"So, Eddie, you're pretty cool," Stan says softly, searching his brain for literally any other compliment or adjective but Eddie takes up too much of his thoughts to have any other.
Eddie smiles softly, looking down at his feet as his running shoes wack against the pavement. "You are too, Stanley," he says on his breaths out, hoping he can play off the blushing by the heat and fatigue.
On another occasion, Eddie is finally at his first competition after months of training with Stan, doing a classical routine to the song Take My Breath Away.
Stan watches in prideful astonishment, tuning out the anxiety inducing roar of the crowd while his vision tunnels in on Eddie, and he knows for a fact now that this crush is getting out of hand. He's been... Subtle? At least tried to be.
He's still unsure of Eddie liking him too, or if they could be considered in a relationship, they've known each other for nearly a year now, and have grown close. They've held hands, and even shared a bed. Eddie is the only person Stan can touch now without feeling gross.
Eddie slides off the ice, Stan rushing from his spot to meet him in the Kiss and Cry. He finds Eddie, his pride showing through nearly every bit of him as he takes Eddie by the shoulders and looking him in the eye before pulling him in for a tight hug.
Eddie hugs back, and for once in his life, he feels proud of himself. Something he'd never expected. He squeezes Stan once before pulling back, "Did I do good?" He asks breathlessly.
"You did amazing- took my breath away," Stan grins at his pun about the song he'd choreographed Eddie to.
Eddie returns the playful smirk, "I'm glad," he smiles, his deep brown eyes sparkling as they look into Stan's.
Now or never, Stan decides, "I think I love you, Eddie," he blurts out, immediately looking surprised even with himself. He looks to the floor, scuffing his heel on it in shame.
Eddie takes several moments to process this, but once he does he nudges Stan's gaze back to meet his, "I love you too," he says softly, taking one of Stan's hands in his.
Months later, the final competition is just around the corner and Stan makes a choice, spending hours in a store looking at rings, taking forever to find one that seems perfect enough.
The competition comes, Eddie doing better than Stan ever could have imagined, tears coming to his eyes at just how beautiful and graceful his boyfriend is.
They meet in the Kiss and Cry, Stan hugging him and complimenting him as usual, trying to soothe his own nerves about both Eddie's placement, and his plan.
Stan watches the screen anxiously from the Kiss and Cry, watching Eddie moreso than anything else, nearly bursting into happily relieved tears when Eddie gets placed first, just as I expected him to.
Eddie comes back with his gold medal, tears streaming down his face and his first instinct is to pull Stan into a deep kiss, gripping his hands around Stan's windbreaker to anchor him, coming back up to find Stan crying too.
Stan stands proudly beside his boyfriend as Eddie answers the questions from the paparazzi with ease, having improved so much in his time working and being with Stan.
Next comes the best part, the after party. Eddie loves these, purely for the calmness of them. A party he can tolerate, wine and slow music and talking to people who respect him. He's gained respect.
He hears a familiar opening tune fill his ears, swaying almost by reflex, looking around quickly for Stan, the first song Stan made a routine for me with, he remembers immediately, he could never forget. He sees Stan walking away from the dj with a smirk on his lips, I should have known.
Stan comes up to him, his hands going to Eddie's waist, holding him gently as Eddie reaches his hands up to Stan's shoulders, swaying with him and feeling like they're the only two people in the room, the only two people in the world even.
The song comes to an end much too soon, Eddie leaning up into a kiss to Stan's lips and Stan pulls away much too soon. It fills Eddie with worry until Stan is dropping to his knee in a room so silent you could hear a pin drop.
Stan pulls a small navy box out of his pocket, smiling sheepishly as he opens it to reveal a dainty golden ring, representative of Eddie's win, Stan had known he'd win.
Tears form in Eddie's eyes, and he's so focused on this being the happiest moment of his life this far to hear the applause and cheers in the background as he nods quickly at Stan, pulling him into a hug, kissing his cheek over and over. "Of course," he whispers in Stan's ear.
Then, like nobody expects, Eddie drops to his own knee, pulling out a small box of his own, "Guess we had the same idea," he says softly, tears streaming freely down his cheeks
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