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#the cake is literally SITTING in a puddle of heavy cream
moonshroooms · 4 years
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So like, here’s a part-angst-part-fluff Ponytail!Dib AU oneshot here ya go! I kinda imagined this lil scenario to be after but not-too-long after these Sad Idiots confessed their Undying Love to each other (I’m totally positive that’s the exact scenario reyna’s gonna take her au, trust me on this I’m a doctor).
Now the beginning of this is definitely more angst and Sad but it do get cuter at the end I promise VwV But anyways, here! *throws this on the ground and runs away*
=
Dib laid out all the ingredients on the counter, double checking he had everything the recipe called for. Flour, eggs, sugar, check, check, check. Getting everything without alerting Zim what he was up to had been more than a challenge but somehow he’d managed to get past the sneaky bug. All that was left to do was wait for Zim to be busy long enough to enact his plan.
“Alright, it’s a shortcake, how hard could it be?” He pulled up the recipe on his phone, mumbling to himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice taunted that he’d mess it up somehow. He mentally shoved it into a box and sealed the lid. It’s fine, he’d be fine. Just follow the instructions, he could do that.
With his best attempt at a determined nod Dib opened up the flour, pulling a large bowl out of the cupboard, giving a glance at the instructions.
“Mix strawberries with sugar and ffuh mhmm…” His sentence trailed off as his brain rewired itself to focus on the strawberries. “Alright, strawberries first, then.” He dumped the carton of berries in a little bowl of their own, scooping out a few spoonfuls of sugar and stirring. And put them in the fridge. Okay, step one done. See? Wasn’t so bad. A part of him felt kind of dump pep-talking himself, but he knew how much his self-deprecation bothered Zim, so he was trying to fight it. Most said step one was talking positively, even if you didn’t really believe it, so that’s what he was gonna do.
Dib pulled out the flour and measured it, pouring it in the mixing bowl once it was at the right level. Next was baking powder, baking soda, sugar, and heavy cream. Dib ran his eyes across the bottle of cream for not the first time. The store didn’t exactly have just “heavy cream.” “Heavy whipping cream,” it read. The names were pretty close and he was going to try and make whipped cream anyways. It was probably the same, right? He couldn’t find anything saying it was different (not that he found anything saying it was the same, either). Somewhere that voice trapped in the box whispered that he was already fucking up. He was probably fine. If it was the only one the store had it was probably the most common one anyways.
As he mixed the ingredients together Dib allowed his mind to wander. That cold winter in his car, being sick in his apartment, lunch after lunch of carefully crafted meals, all wrapped in hearts and flowers. He found himself thinking about those times a lot. A large part of him laughed, wondering how he was able to jump through so many hoops to explain why Zim would go through all that trouble, what nefarious plot they could possibly be apart of, when the answer was (quite literally) written in front of him. A larger part said he was stupid if he really thought this was real, that this wasn’t just some long con at his expense and the ball would drop soon enough.
It wasn’t surprising the lunches were on his mind now, anyways. It’s what spurred the baking adventure he was currently on. Zim tried so hard despite Dib’s bad attitude, his denial, even his blatant refusal to eat at times. He wanted to return the favor, at least a little bit.
Dib let out a sigh as the mixture was finally done, rolling his shoulder a bit. Somehow the mixing was surprisingly tiring. Sure, he could keep up with the plots of an alien invader with technology far more advanced than his own since he was 12, but mixing cake batter was the real test of strength. Repetitive motion, he supposed. He poured the mix into the baking pan and stuffed it in the oven. Oh, shit, he forgot to preheat it. Did anyone really even do that? Seemed like a waste of power, honestly. He set his phone timer for an extra 10 minutes than the recipe called for, hoping that’d make up for it.
Alright, all that was left to do was the whipped cream. He was breezing through this recipe! He could almost imagine the look on Zim’s face when he got back. Sure, Dib didn’t have fancy wrapping paper, and honestly, the cake would probably look like shit. But as long as it tasted fine that was the most important part, right?
Dib pulled a separate bowl from the upper cupboard, combined the whipped cream ingredients, and got to work on stirring. The recipe said to use a mixer but he didn’t exactly have one of those, so he was stuck using good ol’ elbow grease. He tried to make up for it by mixing faster but figured the speed wasn’t gonna be a huge factor in the outcome.
Or, so he thought, at least.
Five minutes of mixing later and the cream hadn’t taken on any kind of fluffy quality. Just the same white goop. It was supposed to get light and fluffy two minutes in. Did he forget something? He rechecked the recipe. Cream, sugar, vanilla, lemon zest. It was all in there. Was he just not going fast enough? Maybe the mixer was more crucial than he thought. He plopped himself on the ground and kicked his whisking up a notch. Another few minutes and the only significant change was that the goop was maybe a little thicker. That, and he definitely got a good portion of it all over his shirt. Great.
Alright, the recipe did stress the heavy cream needed to be chilled before mixing. Did he let it sit outside the fridge too long? He could leave it in the freezer for a bit, let the cold firm it up a little? He swallowed down the rising disgust at himself, he was such a fucking idiot, he didn’t even know how to fix his mistake. Yeah, that’d work. With a grunt he got to his feet-
SMACK.
“Shit, goddamn it!” Dib instantly recoiled, clutching at the back of his head where the open cupboard lovingly smacked into his skull. He slammed the door shut with bang, the loud sound satisfying his anger a little bit. Stomping over to the freezer he shoved aside the assortment of raw meats and frozen veggies (things Zim planned on cooking at some point), and stuffed the whipped cream in, slamming the door shut.
“It’s fine, you’re fine. Nothing’s ruined, it’ll be fine.” Wow you’re trying really hard to sell this, huh? Can’t even convince yourself to buy your own words without lying first.
Dib leaned against the kitchen counter, silently fuming at the throb on the back of his head. He could feel self-loathing spilling into his brain like a fog, seeping out from that mental lockbox he tried to shove it in. He shook his head and did his best to focus on the goal. Zim would be so happy Dib made him a present, he’d get to see that huge smile that had his heart squeezing funny, ruby eyes lighting up with appreciation. The idea soothed his mind a bit. He could get through a few hang-ups if he got to see that expression and…
Was something burning?
“Seriously?!” Dib yelled as he pushed away from the counter. He threw the oven open and grabbed the baking tin only to recoil back in pain as his hand came into contact with the hot metal. Dib cursed, shaking out his hand and grabbing the oven mitt staring him in the face. Sure, go ahead, just fucking break yourself while making your thank you gift. Nothing says “I appreciate you” like making him clean up your fucking mess.
The tin landed on the stove with a clatter as Dib quickly turned away to grab ice for his hand.
Only to be greeted with a freezer that had whipped cream spilled all over it. The half-empty mixing bowl clattered to the floor as the door swung open, a few splatters of not-quite-frozen whipped cream leaping to the floor as it did. No, it’s fine, it’s okay. They could always just buy whipped cream at the store. He was pretty sure Zim wasn’t allergic to normal whipped cream anyways. You can’t even put something in the fridge without fucking it up? Why are you even bothering?
Dib stuffed a few ice cubes into a plastic bag and clutched his fingers around it. With a grimace he turned off the phone timer that only decided to start ringing just now and looked over the cake. Honestly, it wasn’t even burned that much, they could just not eat the bottom. Geez, you’re really going for a record trying to screw up every stage of this project huh?
Was the cake… supposed to look like a biscuit? He tore off a piece and popped it in his mouth. Was it also supposed to taste bland as hell like a biscuit, too?
Despite the bag of ice pain stabbed through the skin of Dib’s hand anyways, only adding to the misery of his failed creation. Look, he couldn’t expect things to be perfect. It was his first time trying to bake something. Plenty of people probably messed things like this up. You couldn’t even make a damn cake. Honestly, why did you even bother trying? How many other things have you fucked up that were way easier than cooking and you couldn’t even do those right? What made you think you could get this right?
Dib slid to the floor, focusing on the quiet sting of his burned hand. He felt that urge to visit the nearby drugstore. He might’ve bought a bottle of something, too, were his wallet not thoroughly cleaned out from buying all the cake ingredients. Couldn’t get drunk if he wanted to.
And damn he wanted to right now.
Amber eyes glanced around the kitchen, taking in the few splatters of whipped cream on the floor, quickly melting into puddles now. He… could at least up the mess he made before Zim got back.
The frown on his face deepened.
Well, knowing you, you’ll probably find a way to fuck that up, too.
 =
 Zim slid the window to the apartment open, wasting no time scurrying in and ripping off his disguise. How Gir escaped view of his cameras long enough to floor half the base he’d never know. Computer wasn’t any help telling him what happened either. Zim suspected whatever started the whole “beach party” idea was both Gir and Computer’s idea.
Zim’s internal ranting didn’t have long to continue before his now-freed antenna picked up the scent of something burnt, as well as something sweet and almost… milky? Compound eyes were greeted with a less-than-clean kitchen, used and abandoned cooking utensils, and a few tiny puddles of something melted on the floor. Confusion buzzed around the Irken’s mind before worry crept up his throat when he realized he couldn’t see Dib in the small space around him.
Slow-creeping dread dropped like a rock in his gut as anxiety moved his limbs. “Dib?” Zim called, receiving no answer. As terrifying rooftop rescues were at least they were known. What was Zim supposed to do for this new situation? What was the protocol?
His panic didn’t last for long as he skidded past the kitchen and caught sight of his human’s familiar form. Relief quickly flooded over him and he ran to Dib’s side.
“Dib-beast, what happened, are you okay?”
Dib jumped a little, as if startled from sleep, and looked at Zim. “Oh, hey space boy, welcome back.”
Zim frowned. Dib had that… look in his eyes that he didn’t like. That faraway look he often had during drunken hazes, staring off into nothing like there was a storm brewing in his head with threats of nothing good.
The alien grabbed Dib’s face with both hands, turning him left and right to check for injuries, Dib scrunching his eyes as he did. Zim pursed his lips when he noticed the melting pack of ice in his human’s grip.
“Burned myself on the stove, no biggie.” Dib shrugged. Zim’s brow furrowed, giving Dib’s cheeks a squeeze before getting up to grab some first-aid things.
“So, were you going to tell me what happened here or do I have to check the cameras?” Zim plopped back down next to Dib, pulling the injured hand into his lap to treat it.
Dib snorted. “Ha, nice try, I already found ‘em all.”
“Mhm, yup, you certainly did. No use looking for more, they’re all gone.”
Zim couldn’t resist a grin at the glare and eyeroll he received. He didn’t know if Dib had actually found all his cameras yet, but no sense in letting the stinky know if there were actually more or not.
“Sorry about the mess,” Dib mumbled. “I was gonna clean it up before you got back. I got kinda...” A sigh. “Distracted.”
Zim finished wrapping up Dib’s injury with a band-aid and glanced around the kitchen once more. It seemed to have been some sort of… baking attempt, from what he could gather. But why wait until he was gone to do it?
“You are forgiven… only if you tell Zim was all this-” he gestured to the mess “-was about.”
Zim watched his human’s expression as he started back at him, seeming to debate whether he wanted to elaborate or not. Finally, he looked away with a sigh and Zim thought he saw the slightest hint of a blush on his cheeks.
“I was uh, trying to bake.” Zim could only just barely understand Dib through his purposeful mumbling. “A cake. For, uh, for you. To say thanks, you know. For all the food you’re always making me.” As he spoke his cheeks got redder and he started scratching at the back of his neck, a habit Zim noticed he usually did when he was nervous. “As you can see it didn’t really work out that well.” Dib gave a laugh but it felt so hollow to Zim’s antenna. The kind of laugh you did when you were trying to assure others you were fine but couldn’t really put any effort in it.
As the Irken glanced around he could spot all the different bowls, measuring spoons, and other utensils his Dib used. He… tried really hard, didn’t he? And now he was on the floor, looking like the entire world was crashing down and it was his own fault. Sad and warm feelings both swirled around Zim’s gut, a confusing swirl of emotion he wasn’t sure how to process.
Zim placed his hand on Dib’s leg and leaned up to press his lips to Dib’s, much to the human’s surprise. Zim felt Dib stiffen only slightly before relaxing in his hold, reciprocating the kiss. Zim’s antenna instinctively wrapped themselves around the untied scythe of hair atop Dib’s head. Hmm, it was getting long. They’d need to cut it again soon.
Zim pulled back from the kiss only slightly, resting his forehead against Dib’s as he brought up a hand to stroke Dib’s cheek. “Thank you, Dib-beast.”
Despite the slightly flustered look Dib managed to pull himself together enough to furrow his brows. “For what? The cake’s not even good. Trust me, I tried it. All I managed to make is a huge mess.”
One of Zim’s antenna bent down to lightly bop Dib’s cheek. “For trying so hard to make something special for me. For going out of your way to make it a surprise. For telling me you appreciated the things I did.” Zim leaned forward to nuzzle against Dib. “Thank you for all of that.”
Dib let out a sigh and Zim felt arms wrap around his waist and hoist him into Dib’s lap. His human easily nuzzled into his shoulder and Zim did the same, feeling long legs bending up and resting against his PAK. They fell into their embrace so easily, like they were supposed to fit together. Zim was sure he’d be perfectly happy just sitting like this with Dib for the rest of time.
The two stayed like that for a long while, Dib’s lanky arms wrapped around Zim in a tight vice, Zim content to breathe in Dib’s presence. Eventually they were interrupted by a low grumbling centered at Dib’s stomach. Zim let out a snicker at the very graceful noise, earning him a slightly embarrassed “shut up” from Dib. Zim gave a smell peck on the lips to placate his human and rose to his feet, offering Dib a hand to help hoist him up.
“What do you say we try and make a cake some other time?” Zim offered. “Now that I know I’m owed a gift, of course.”
Dib looked down with a rueful smile. “Not worried I’ll mess it up?” He said with a slight scoff.
Zim’s brows furrowed as he rose up on his PAK legs to be at eye-level with his human. “Not at all because I know how smart you are. Besides,” Zim said, running a finger along a glob of wet goop and popping it in his mouth. Hm, slightly sweet. “You know baking is like, level 20 cooking, right?”
“Hah?”
“Yeah.” Zim reached into the fridge, looking for some leftovers for Dib, his eye spotting the tub of strawberries soaking in sugar. Oh, those looked good, they could probably use those tomorrow. “If you’re going to try something new you’re supposed to start at level 1, stinky. Most cooking you can just kind of eyeball how much seasoning you want for things. But baking is very exact a lot of the time. You humans took cooking and decided to make it as finicky as chemistry for no good reason.” He pulled a tub of spaghetti from the fridge and popped it in the microwave.
“With both of us tackling it we’ll make a cake that rivals anything some dookie-brained ‘top chef’ could make.” Zim plopped himself on a clean section of counter, antenna sticking up as he boasted for the both of them.
Dib scoffed with a laugh and pulled the spaghetti out of the microwave once it was done. He pulled a fork from the sink of yet-to-be-put-away dishes and leaned against the counter next to Zim. “If you say so, space boy.”
Zim’s antenna quickly accosted Dib’s hair as he neared, tangling and wrapping themselves into place, vibrating with a happiness that said they were exactly where they belonged. “I know so,” he replied matter-of-factly.
=
The two made the shortcake later that week, despite Dib’s quiet protests. Zim even stole obtained an electric mixer just for the whipped cream. Dib complained that Zim was making him do all the work (Zim’s repeated answer to that was “it’s a present for me, why should I have to do the work?”) Once it was all done though Dib had to admit, it didn’t look bad. Granted, it didn’t exactly look magazine-worthy, but it was presentable. Better yet, it actually tasted pretty damn good. Good enough that he had to fight Zim over the last piece.
For once, that voice inside his mental lockbox had nothing to say.
=
How in-character is this oneshot actually? It’s a mystery, who knows, certainly not me. It’s been sent out into the world how in character they are is no longer my problem that’s a y’all kinda issue now 💅🏽
Go! Take! A gander! At! @reynaruina ‘s Ponytail Dib! AU! If! You Like! To Cry! (Though things have been looking up in those little blurbs and comics reyna’s making so hopefully there will be less crying soon 🎉)
Fun fact: a huge chunk of Dib’s failure to make a strawberry shortcake from scratch was based on my own failed attempt. I still don’t know if there’s a difference between heavy cream and heavy whipping cream or if an electric mixer mattered. No, stuffing the whipped cream into the freezer didn’t help make it fluffy either. RIP my shortcake 2019-2019 🤘🏽😔
Double fun fact: Did you know apparently classic strawberry shortcakes are actually gross disgusting lumpy buscuit-ass lookin’ mutherfuckers and not fluffy sweet cake things? Whoever the hell thought purposefully bland cake was what strawberry shortcakes needed to be should be forced to step on legos forever. They also owe me 20 bucks cuz I thought I was making the sweet fluffy kind of cake and instead of forced to eat a flavorless biscuit with strawberries on it. EVIL.
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eye-raq · 5 years
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Aquarius Daddy.
It’s Erik’s birthday and the wives have a special night planned for him.
Warnings: SMUT
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It was that Aquarius birthday today, Their husband and Daddy.
He woke up to luxury gifts at the foot of his bed and the view of his wives with their sleepwear on and a tray with his first birthday drink and a cigar.
“Happy birthday Daddy!!!!!” They threw confetti and blew into party horns, Henny even had a gold crown made for him with colorful gemstones set in it. Erik couldn’t help the goofy smile on his face, receiving kisses and hugs. Kimora opened his balcony doors, rushing him out to find a lounge table with breakfast buffet. Davita and Kristina joined them all, taking pics and sharing laughs.
Erik got a personal bath from Angel while he sipped on a strawberry Henny mix that Ryley made. He even had a fresh outfit and shoes picked out by Bastion for the night, while Kimora got his hair together. Homie and Josie kept him company on the basketball court, snapping pics of his glistening body with that crown still on his head.
The night came quickly and the lights were set low in He kitchen, his Henny cake covered in strawberries and whipped cream lit by candle. Erik finally came down with Aly’sha and Charlie trailing behind, a shake of his head and a genuine smile on his face.
“Thought we could sing you happy birthday you old fart!” Angel teased.
The cake was eaten and of course the biggest bottle of Henny followed them out to the party bus that Henny had custom made for the day. It was all black with gold trimming, a shiny black floor with a single gold stripper pole in the middle, picks from Erik’s previous turn ups littering the walls. Music blasted and drinks went around, Kimora of course on the pole with some money thrown at her.
What Erik hadn’t expected was for him to already be drunk at the entrance to the nightclub. It was an exclusive event with red carpet and cameras flashing, the sight of him causing an uproar. He was blown away, howling like a wild animal with a bottle of Henny. Erik was doing the damn thing dancing all over the place and on his wives. It went on into 4 am, everyone clearing out and back to the party bus home. He might have thought he would be retiring for the night to his room, but little didn’t he know, the wives led his drunk body down the hall and towards a finale  of wicked games.
Ryley locks the door without secret in the biggest playroom in the house with the largest bed and walls filled with contraptions and toys. All of the wives share a look before their eyes collectively turn to their drunk husband with his black silk shirt undone, gold chain pressed against his chest and bottom lip hanging, revealing bottom row gold and diamond fronts. He removes his gold frames, a coy smile slowly creeping up with a chuckle.
“So we locking doors and shit?” None of them spoke, just simply kicked off their shoes, Poosy standing firm and Henny closing her eyes with a shake of her head. She already knew the plan and she TOLD THEM that if they keep providing Erik with Henny throughout the day, he won’t stop. Erik’s eyes roamed the tiny dresses each of them wore without bras and little ass thongs. They really went out looking like this? Erik must have been faded something serious before they even left the house.
“Fuck y’all up to?” He walks closer with a dip in his hips.
“What the fuck you think?” Kimora spoke with sass.
“Take your shirt off DAKA, now.” Charlie presses.
He laughs again, his eyes so damn low they were practically slits. He licks the corners of his lips with a quick swipe of his tongue.
“So...y’all tryna FUCK?” His eyes searched everyone’s, mostly with no sign of denial, except for Poosy and Henny, just pure lust and impatience.
“Like FUCK FUCK. That’s what we doing?” He points his finger between them before bringing that same hand to stroke his beard and a shrug of his shoulders.
“Well it is my fucking birthday right? If we doing it like that, LINE THE PUSSY UP.”
All the wives including Erik began undressing with rushed movements. Ryley and Bastion were the first to get undressed.
“Looks like Ry and Bast the only two that want the dick!”
“No the fuck they ain’t!” Homie yells, practically ripping her dress. Charlie took her time removing her dress, the liquor in her system almost making her trip. Kimora slips her panties off with a shimy of her hips, kicking the thong to the other side of the room. Angel keeps her heels on but removes her dress, flipping her hair to one side of her head. Alysha ass was laid out naked on her belly, kicking her feet in the air. Josie stood firm with her eyes glued to Erik’s dick.
“Okay so clearly y’all all wanna get split in half. Y’all know this nigga been drinking since the am? The water didn’t even calm that monster down! Dick been swinging since before the roosters could even cOcKA-DOODLE-dO.” Josie knew how Erik’s Henny dick could be, and it was his damn birthday so that Aquarius dick was possessed by the underworld.
Henny stood naked and firm on her spot, not so ready to fuck Erik while his adrenaline ran off of Hennessy.
“This nigga getting everybody pregnant tonight. Nah uh uh my pussy don’t deserve the torture tonight, I’ll give daddy some good suckie and make a movie
The pussy was lined up alright, Erik sitting on his throne with Homie’s lips wrapped around his dick. He had both fists in her hair guiding her head while she choked him up. It was hard for her to control the literal python that eased its way down her throat with Charlie’s lips on her pussy. It was a train of sucking and licking pussy while Erik got sloppy top with spit dripping down to his ass. His birthday crown was lopsided on his head, a hazy look in his eyes and a low ‘oh fuck’ escaping his mouth every second.
“THAT'S IT BITCH.” She gagged.
“No smart remark huh?! Can’t anyway your throat stuffed with this big dick.” Her argumentative ass challenged him with a harder suck, Erik meeting her demands with strong hip thrusts.
“Happy birthday to me, damn” erik pulled her hair to lift her mouth from his dick, Homie gasping for air and face covered in spit.
“Go at the end of the line and eat some pussy. NEXT.” She pouted, going at the end to find Aly’sha waiting with a teasing flicker of her brows, her ass wiggling in the air and ready since she didn’t have the luxury. Charlie was up next, hands plastered to the ground and her mouth latching onto the thick tip of his dick. Erik bit down on his lip hard, eyes closing as soon as her mouth sank down deep on him. She started clenching and unclenching her jaw around him, the pressure causing him to lift his hips from the chair.
“ooooo, you slick bitch! I know what you tryna do you better calm that controlling shit.” Of course, she didn’t listen, twirling her mouth now with the same force.
What Erik didn’t know was that the feeling of bastions lips wrapped around her clit with a flick of her tongue caused her to take complete control. Bastion slaps Charlie’s plump ass, bastion’s pussy accepting Kimora’s tongue. It was buried deep in her pussy, wiggling and slurping.
Erik had enough of Charlie trying to make him cum without more head from his other wives.
“Damn you and that fucking tongue!”
“What you thought, Daddy? It’s a celebration you gotta take this head.” Charlie gives his dick kisses, loving kisses, Henny zooming into her face with her camera, Erik palms her ass hard with his nails digging into her flesh, his fingers sliding through the crack of her ass dragging down to graze her pussy lips.
“This phat ass pussy getting this work too Henny. You can try and play director if you want to.” Erik’s fingers easily slide into her dripping wet pussy, pumping fast and rough.
“Shit DADDY!” Her grip on the camera falters, her body bent over his lap. She had her face inches away from his dick, meeting Charlie’s eyes before spitting a hefty amount on his dick, watching Charlie slurp it up. Charlie gives on last long suck before switching places witn Bastion.
Her bratty ass sucked on both of his balls, Henny jerking his dick with a repeated drip of spit. Bastion felt Kimora come up beside her, sucking on Erik’s head with a frantic bob of her head.
“Y’all tryna suck all the nut out of Daddy dick huh? It’s just one dick how all of y’all gon get the nut??” Ryley detached her lips from Angels sweet little pussy, crawling over to lick up Kimora while Angel did the same for Bast. Poosy had Aly’sha under her spell with her tongue flicking as quick as a vibrator against her clit. That skill alone had Homie pausing on eating Aly’sha pussy just to watch.
“Bitch what the fuck?!” She was thoroughly intrigued.
“Don’t act so shocked Homie I had you eating my ass like this just two nights ago.” Homie would have argued but that sight had her closed lipped.
Poosy had already cum twice before, and she much rather do this all night than get the dick from Erik.
“Keep looking at me like that Angel and I aware to FUCKING GOD GIRL.” Angels pretty face was painted with spit and her mascara leaked in black tears. Her mouth was soft and warm around him, his balls so damn tight and tongued down by Ryley.
“You like the way I bat my eyes at you daddy with this big fucking dick in my mouth?” She licked along the vein of his dick, causing him to shiver.
“I love it when you bat those pretty brown eye while you suck up daddy dick.”
Kimora and Basion were grinding clits roughly on the bed, laying in a heavy puddle with sweaty body and wild hair. Charlie had Hennys legs wide open with the camera pointed to her face, eating her pussy with her fingers inside her deeply. Moans, groans, whimpers, and cries filled the room. Erik held off pretty well, but he realized who had been missing from getting some dick in the mouth.
“Where the fuck is JoJo and Aly’sha?! Erik got up from the seat, Ryley standing with her hand wrapped around his dick, spotting pussy in her own world with a hypnotized Aly’sha. Ryley guides Erik with his dick acting as a leash. Poosy didn’t know what was coming to her as her eyes fell on Erik.
“You having fun my little wicked witch?!”
“Come on E I’m close!” She was on the brink of another orgasm. Erik took a handful of her braids, practically pulling them from her scalp. That snapped Aly’sha out of her trance, her hand coming up to grip her jaw from how sore it was.
“Henny! Aim that camera in her face! She watching this later on. Henny cake over with a smirk, aiming the camera in JoJo’s face.
“Ryley do the honors for me, put my dick in this bitch mouth. It’s my special day today and she don’t wanna give daddy no more gifts. As much as I spoil your ass and you deny me of some wet top for this?! Disrespectful Josie.” Josie scowls before opening her mouth, Ryley pulling Erik’s dick into her mouth, she went to grip his thighs, but Kimora held her arms behind her back.
“Look at you helping daddy out.” He chuckles, pushing his hips forward roughly, watching the discomfort in her face.
“Suck the dick Poosy! Relax your throat!” Angel yells over Erik’s shoulder, her breasts rubbing along the scaring on his back making her nipples hard. She started biting into his back, leaving trails of spit behind. Erik fucked Josie’s mouth the worse, his movements growing frantic.
“Aly’sha put that mouth on my balls girl, I wanna nut.” Erik threw his head back, feeling  aly’sha’s tongue flicking each nut sack. All of the wives knew that he was going to cum, all of them crowding around grabbing at all of him, leaving big marks on his skin, spit on his nipples, tongue on his back and abs.
“Fuck fuck fuck! Damn daddy like that nasty little mouth.”
“Daddy needs to share!” Bast yells as she got on her knees. Erik’s hips stiffened, toes curling before lifting Poosy mouth from his dick, Jerking his dick with all of them crowding around.
Henny flocked at the side of his dick, sucking the skin on the side as he strokes. All of their tongues poked out long and wet, bastions trying to be directly under so it could drip.
“Mmmm, oh fuck!
“Damn shit is so good!”
“YEAHH!”
Erik’s cum releases, all of their tongues on his dick and fingers on his balls.
Erik could only drag his hands down his face.
“Yo I swear all y’all getting some good dick tonight. I’m not even playing right now fuck. I’m hella weak.”
He was clean and shiny, dick dripping to the floor.
Erik trails his eyes over his kneeling wives, falling on Josie who struggled to keep his gaze.
“You thinking about disappearing?” He had a glint in his eyes that she saw as a one time warning.
“Erik the dick is TOO FUCKING MUCH RIGHT NOW.”
Erik wasn’t hearing that shit as he pulled pussy up, bending her over. She squirmed, Homie holding her arms in place while Erik got on his knees, placing his lips on her pussy. Aly’sha got on her back, lining her pussy up with Josie’s mouth to pay her back. She wrapped her hands in her braids and guided her lips, muffling her cries.
Bastion and Charlie had their mouths back on Erik again, sucking him while he ate Josie. Kimora had her eyes set on riding Henny’s mouth so she grinned her hips into her mouth while recording the mini orgy in front of her. Ryley was on top of Angel next to erik, Ryley and angels pussy gaining his attention in his peripheral,  causing him to play in both pussies one at a time? Two fingers deep.
It was a musky, steamy mess and Josie’s tears didn’t stop Erik’s assault.
“Fuck my mouth pussy, throw that pussy on my mouth.”
She did as she was told with a tremble in her hips, slamming down over his mouth hard before cuming with a scream.
Bastion squats over Erik’s dick, her hands on his abs for leverage before frantically bouncing up and down like a pogo stick. Charlie returned with a vibrator, placing it on her clit hard.
“This damn dick!!!!!” She claws his belly, her movements frantic.
“Give me that dick daddy! I’ve been so bad fuck me!”
Erik grunts, lifting his hips to meet hers.
“Damn, I want next fuck all that!” Kimora says with a moan, one hand buried in Henny's hair with the other on the camera. Josie finally lifts from Erik’s mouth with difficulty, Aly’sha replacing her with a swing of her hips. Erik gives her ass two hard slaps before taking his time with her honey bucket.
“Mmm, give me that tongue DAKA.” Her hands were in his dreads.
“Birthday boy eating his honey ain’t he?” She teases.
Angel had the pleasure of having Erik’s fingers in her and Ryley’s tongue on her clit, her hips rolling and angelic face contorted in overwhelming pleasure.
“Ry!! Erik!!” She sat up on her elbows, legs shaking, before squirting all over them both, falling flat. Erik lifts his fingers to Charlie’s mouth, watching her suck it off. She multitasked between rubbing the vibrator on Bast as she fucked Erik, and gagging on his fingers.
Bast felt Erik jerk his dick inside her, stroking her spot repeatedly, causing her to shakingly cum on him, falling flat on her knees.
Kimora comes over, Bast lifting up to allow her a chance. Kimora fucked him reverse cowgirl, her eyes on Poosy her loving wife as instructed her.
“Work that dick like you working the pole.” JoJo said with frantic kisses. She yanks Kimora’s hair, trailing wet kisses down her neck. Erik noticed her slow movements, slapping Kimora’s skin rough. She hissed, going back to work on his dick like he deserved. Charlie was in King Jade mode as she pinned Henny’s legs back, her vibrator rubbing along her swollen slippery clit. Henny knew to lay there and take the assault, her eyes rolling and mouth agape.
Aly’sha’s final shouts of pleasure boomed through the room before trembling over his mouth. With one final slap to her ass, she lifts from his mouth. Erik focuses on Kimora, pumping her pussy with his glossy beard shining, eyes hard.
“Tight ass freak! Bouncing on this dick, work this dick!” He guides her ass, two of the wives slapping her flesh. Ryley pulls Erik’s wallet out, showering money on Kimora as she twerked his dick.
“You gonna make me cum while I give you a show birthday boy?”
“I’m making that pussy cum. That’s my shit anyway.”
“Fuck! Make my pussy cummm!!!” Kimora couldn’t take it anymore, eyes wide and body shivering. Aly’sha had Eirk dragging her to the mirror, bending her over with his hands buried in her hair and his nails in her hips.
“You see me don’t you? Eyes on me while I kill this pussy.” She obeyed, her eyes never leaving his with the nasty image of her sister wives in the background. Erik spreads her cheeks, sticking his thumb in her ass as he stroked, earning a lip bite and a moan.
“Got my thumb all in this tight ass.” Erik licks his lips, his dick doing things to her she couldn’t put to words.
“If I tell you throw it back will you listen?”
“Yes daddy I promise.” She whimpers
“Then throw the pussy back.”
She clapped her ass on him, eyes fluttering and watering.
“Let me find out my baby can’t take it.”
“It’s big as FUCK.”
“More reason for me to dig right?”
She was so close, her knees caving in. Erik grunts loud, slapping her ass before watching her shiver madly, cum spilling out and to the floor
“Good girl.” He kisses her spine repeatedly.
Erik slaps her ass for reward, slipping out of her and picking up Ryley, tossing her on the bed. She bounces with a laugh. His big frame laying over her, lips possessive and hands stretching the back of her thighs.
“Wassup my wild thing you ready?” He spits on her pussy, rubbing it in with his fingers. She simply nods with a bit of her lip, Erik sinking into her with a hand at her throat and a smile on her face.
“Fuck your little ass up!” Erik bottomed out into her, so damn deep she could feel it in her chest. The bed was the new destination for everyone, charlie riding Homies mouth, Henny recording with humor and her hands gripping Erik’s firm ass. Kimora and Aly’sha has a 69 going while Angel and Bastion played around with an assortment of vibrators.
“Fuck Erik, you better work this pussy!” Ryley could feel a hand rubbing at her clit, noticing the long nails to be Josie’s. Her body made a bridge from the bed, Erik never stopping his mouth over hers before going faster. You would think Ryley was past out by how limp her body went from Erik fucking her.
“Look at her y’all she can’t move!” All the wives laughed.
Ryley tried to push Erik away but instead did push up in her pussy, causing her to cry loudly, before squirting on him.
Angel was bent over now with her ass in the air, arch deep, and Erik’s dick digging her out.
“How daddy doing?” He whispers.
“So good Daddy, give me all of it.” She just layer there with a glazed look, her pussy repeatedly pounded. Erik strokes her arched back before grabbing her hair.
Her booty clapped off of him, cries muffled in the bed.
The sight of pussy eating among the wives didn’t help angel try and keep it together. She felt good with each stroke his dick gave her, never wanting him to leave.
“Damn Erik fucking that shit up.”  Charlie says from between Homie legs.
Angels body starts to tense up, Erik almost breaking her spine with his hands. She was practically lifted in the air and her cries were loud.
“Come on with your cute ass, cum on daddy dick, I know you want to.” With those words, she had the strongest orgasm, her body limp. Erik places a kiss to her brown flesh before slipping his dripping dick out. Henny takes that opportunity to lick her juices off of him, welcoming the way Erik held her head in place as she cleaned him.
Homies titties were being sucked from each end, her chocolate skin electrified. Aly’sha flicked her tongue on one while Bastion had the other to suck on. Erik had her legs over his shoulders, pounding away at her pussy, his face struggling.
“So it’s your pussy that got daddy cumming right now?! Shit ! Fuck it.” Erik was mad in her pussy, shaking his head with each thrust before cumming in her deep, rolling his hips to make sure it’s buried.
“Gotta be certain daddy got you good.” He bites down on her belly before slipping out of her, rubbing her clit with his thumb. She squirmed, her body shaking, before attempting to kick his arm away. She was too late though, Erik had already won.
“My turn now.”  Charlie’s sticky body crawled over to Erik as if on the prowl, Erik matching her movements before wrestling her on the bed, before picking her up, wrapping her legs around him. She began bouncing, her arms around his neck and his hands palming her ass. What she hadn’t expected, was for Henny to approach her with a vibrating but plug, slipping it inside of her and turning it to the highest max. That had.  Charlie speaking in tongues.
“Cbxndxj!!!”
“You a big girl Charlie, whatever we dish out you can handle, just like we gotta handle you.”
Shock filled them both as her cum spilled out like a leaky faucet.
“Do that shit again! I love it.” He went harder, his teeth in her neck and her toes curling.
“This fucking dick!!!” It was perfect and hard.
“Cum in here?! Nut all in this pussy!?” Erik was coming up on nut number three and he needed it.
“That’s what my pussy is for! Cum in me nigga!” Sure enough he did, but he didn’t stop, the wetness just edging him on.
“Fuck E!” Charlie tilts her head back, groaning with her aching orgasm.
Henny said she didn’t want the D right? Well of course that wouldn’t last. She took in the sight of her husband enjoying his special evening and that alone had her dragging him to the bed to get some action.
“Bought time you stop acting defiant!” He slaps her rough on the ass, before grabbing her throat.
“I want y’all to record her now since she wanna play games. Thought you would play around with that camera? Think again.”
Erik pulled her over him, instructing that Josie hold her hands since she was next. Erik kept a hold on Hennys throat with one hand while his mouth attacked her titties. She pulled at his dreads, feeling his body bound up into her rough. She jerked, each one earning a sharp intake of breath.
“Damn baby, you can't breathe?”
She shook her head frantically.
“How about now?”
He gave her the meanest strokes. She began to cry, clawing at Josie’s hands. Erik could feel her clamping him.
“There she go, that’s it! Give me it baby girl.”
“Fuckkkk this monster dick!”
“Baby you know I want you to come stop playing! He keeps his stroke, making her unravel. Erik fucked her until her body went limp, biting down on her lower lip before laying her on the bed.
Last but not least was Poosy. She knew that running wasn’t an option.
“You can poof if you want, just know that I’m fucking You all over the house for punishment tomorrow.”
Erik lunged for her, laying her on her side while lifting her leg to her chest. He wrapped his arm around her waist to bring her closer, taking his hand to slip in her tight pussy.
“I think you do this shit on purpose Josie.” He pumped her shit hard, Josie screaming with her hands clawing at the bed.
“You know this shit is virgin tight right? And you KNOW that daddy like some tight pussy.” His teeth bit into her neck hard.
“Give me that juicy pussy!”
She couldn’t even speak. The show he was putting on had all of them staring in lust like pornographic statues.
“I’m taming this pussy, run if you want I swear to god.”
She was cumming from her spot being rubbed.
“Bitch ass making me cum!!!!’” He clamped her mouth shut, accepting her squirt.
“Daddy cumming too. FUCK JOJO!” He growled in her neck, giving her two more thrusts before burying deep in her with his nose rubbing in her hair.
The wives cheered like it was a damn show, climbing the bed to clean up their man. He was of course still hard, and they still had energy; all except Poosy.
“Okay so the dick still stiff!” Bast wanted that.
“I got plenty of cum left to give.” Charlie jokes.
“Okay okay, let me drink some Henny then we can go another round.”
All of the wives shared a look
“HENNY?” They said in unison.
“That’s why we in this situation now.” Henny scuffs.
“FINE. Bring me two bottles of water and then we can fuck.”
Erik rubs at his sweaty body in annoyance.
“Turn on the AC too, it’s fucking blazing.”
“Alright birthday diva!” Ryley teases before cranking it down to 60 degrees.
From Davila’s lab, her and Kristina stare with wide eyes and immobile bodies.
“What the fuck…” they both say, mouths hanging open.
“Wha-I mean- this shit here!” Davita throws her hands up.
“Freaks man! I know Erik had the best birthday so far.” Kristan says, causing both women to laugh.
@whoramilaje @hennessystevens-udaku @poosypoosy @allhailnjadaka @thereturnofbadazz @vikkidc @davitaroberson @bastioncarterstevens-udaku @alyshastevens-udaku @thekompound @itsangeludaku
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ms-march · 3 years
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What did I have for breakfast as a person with lactose intolerance? A slice of tres leches cake with whipped cream frosting and tea with milk.
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kheichou-blog · 5 years
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The Cheesecakening (Part 3)
Hello there!  Either you’re just now stumbling into this helter skelter kitchen experience, OOOOOR you’ve been following my 3 part Sakura Cheesecake experience!  Perhaps you’ve even been following this recipe since @prettyprompto posted the original recipeh
THIS IS MY PART HOWEVER!
This topping recipe is the one I brought to Prom prom!!!  See, we were talking about what to do for toppings, and he mentioned whipped cream.  But then it was like “meeeeeh whipped cream melts” and I was all... HAHA UNLESS YOU STABILIZE IT...
to which he called me bitch and demanded the deets
as you do when your wife is an eldritch dumpster fire abomination like myself~
So we adapted my Japanese Christmas Cake stabilized whipped cream frosting recipe~
As stated before, I didn’t end up halving this part.
Changes I made included:
substituting water (from the original recipe) for sakura nectar
granulated sugar instead of powdered sugar (cause powdered sugar has a weird perfumy taste to me.... and I was out of it anyway)
Anyways, after letting my cake set over night, and a quick stop with the Lucian birthday guy at our favorite local coffee kiosk...
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it was time to get started on some topping action!
I recommend putting your bowl (and whisk attachment) into the freezer for a bit as it helps the cream whip up faster!
Once that’s as cold as them arctic tiddies storms a state or so over, it’s time to put your machine together aaaaaand prep your gelatin.  Liquid first, THEN gelatin powder.  It’s not going to be a disaster if you do it the other way around (I know this because I’ve been doing it the wrong way for years :B ) but it absorbs much better that way...
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Don’t stir it or anything, just let it sit on top of the nectar like that for 5 minutes, no heat.  While that’s doing its thang, you can get your heavy cream whipping!
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You don’t want to whip this all the way to stiff peaks level yet, definitely more of the soft peaks stage.  You want it to maintain shape for a little while, but still be capable of melting back into a sad cream puddle~
Now we check back on the gelatin...
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You can see a couple things here:
First- not all the powder is wet and translucent.  That’s fine!  It’s gonna dissolve just like the rest, you’re good!
Second- We have a translucent layer of gel that’s about as wrinkly as Iggy’s forehead when trying to make sense of the weird noises he wakes up to from Prom and Noct’s side of the tent...
that’s good, that’s exactly what we want!  So flip the heat onto 1 or low, because this is literally gonna melt in seconds, 1 minute tops probably.
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You’re just cooking it until the lumps of gelatin are completely melted down.  Don’t worry if it’s not 100% transparent.  A little bit of clouding is normal, with or without sakura.
Give it a little to cool (or don’t, I’m not judging... Iggy might though)
then turn your mixer back on low and SLOWLY dump your melted gel abomination into the cream.  Once it’s all in there, CRANK THAT SHIT BACK UP TO WARP DRIVE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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This was where I made my mistake.  I definitely didn’t beat long enough.  This is honestly probably about where you want it to be before you melt your gelatin tbh, so whoops, my bad.  It’s not the biggest mistake in the world, but if you try to make any kinda fancy shmancy flourishes to impress your Lucian Master Chef... it’s not gonna happen if it’s this consistency.
REGARDLESS...
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it holds up well enough in a sheet  on top of your cake, and does a beautiful job of hiding any cracks in the top!
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Remove from your springform pan and place it on a cake tray or plate or... hell, serve it on the body of your latest victim!  I don’t care!  You can (try) to decorate it up and stuff too if you’re inspired.  I tried to do those cute little cream dollops but... clearly, that didn’t quite hold.  I also wanted to add cherries, but alas, they were a victim to the last fridge clean out apparently!  So... this is what you get!
Put it back in the fridge... or better yet!  Cut a slice and store it in your face!
Extra thanks, and happy birthday to my favorite star advisor~ <3
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Happy birthday Iggy!
And the happiest of birthdays to my other husband, Prom Prom! 
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veggiedesserts · 7 years
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Here’s my Camp Bestival 2017 review. There might have been mud, but we didn’t let it dampen our spirits. We had an amazing time!
Photo courtesy of Camp Bestival
Camp Bestival 2017 Review
Firstly, I’ll have to admit that it was rather more Damp Bestival than Camp Bestival this year. There was rain, there was mud, but there was soooo much fun to be had. We didn’t let it rain on our parade, instead we danced in the drizzle.
The thought of a muddy and wet festival with kids sounds awful, but actually, it really wasn’t so bad. We went to Camp Bestival last year and it was glorious sunshine the whole time. Sure, rain makes things a bit more difficult, but honestly, we all had such a blast that it didn’t really matter. Sort of. Our group got the Blitz spirit and laughed through it all. At the beginning, a little bit of drizzle had everyone running for cover. Then the heavy rains came. By the end drizzle was no longer considered enough of a reason to even put on a coat.
Last year, I went with my husband and two kids. We told so many friends and family about what a great time we had that loads of them got tickets and we went in a big group. My sister from Vancouver had sneakily eloped in Ireland the week before the festival, so they came with her 10 year old stepson for a honeymoon! My younger sister from Toronto came over for the festival as well. She’s single and we checked her Tinder app to see if we could locate any hot uncles. Not one! No devious daddies on the app either. Good.
Joining us was one of my husband’s best friends, his wife and their daughter – who celebrated her first birthday at Camp Bestival. The lovely ladies at the Dorset Women’s Institute even baked her a beautiful cake and brought it to the site for her! She was one of the younger kids at the site, but there was plenty for a little one to do, and even a soft play to escape the rain. We also quickly learned that a pushchair is absolutely no match for mud, but luckily they had a sling.
  Camp Bestival Attractions and Activities
Photo courtesy of Camp Bestival
Look! There was some sun, I swear! It didn’t last, but it was there and BOY did we all bask in it. It is much easier when you can throw a blanket down and sit on it, rather than shelter under it out of the rain!
There’s so much more than music and food  at Camp Bestival. Much, much more.
The Dingly Dell is a forest area for kids, with playground, paths to explore, mud kitchen, petting zoo, crafts, wood to build with – and that’s just ONE part of the site! Given the weather, a favourite pastime for a lot of kids was sliding on their bottoms down a muddy bank. There’s a wine stall next to it, so you know, grab a glass and let them go for it. Camp Bestival is a time for kids to be feral. I swear my five year old daughter matted her hair into one large dreadlock within an hour of arriving.
There’s pop up theatre, like this impressive Iguanadon. Just behind it is a large area of circus games for kids to play, plus the fab Feast Collective – with bars, street food and coffee stalls. In the picture above you can just see the castle to the right. You can stand there and get a great view over the main stage – while staying away from the crowd.
There’s also a lower kids playground with helter skelter, loads of craft tents, The Greatest Tent on Earth and much more. There is no way you can make it to everything over the long weekend, so it’s best to just let it all unfold around you. Nobody will ever be bored.
My favourite place at Camp Bestival is the Caravanserai. It’s a crazy, gypsy-esque mad area where you can sit in an old dodgem car, grab a cider and watch a woman sing while hanging off a trapeze. What’s not to love about that? The kids can busy themselves chasing bubbles or climbing in a huge structure made of old pieces of cars and trucks. They can have a dance, eat an ice cream or play with the nearest child. I promise you, your children will never be bored. Not for one single second.
  Camp Bestival 2017 – The Music
Elvana – Elvis fronted Nirvana. Seriously, do I need to say any more? It was AMAZING. The Big Top was so packed for this spectacle that we sent a few of our party to the front, while the rest of us watched with the kids from outside in the drizzle. The rain didn’t matter. We were just all so pleased to get to hear it! The jumpsuit-clad frontman was funny, engaging and had the whole crowd enthused. They would mash up Elvis and Nirvana songs in the same key, flitting between them. Absolutely sensational.
My younger sister was a huge All Saints fan back in the day, so we left the kids behind, donned our waterproofs, grabbed a load of vodka (ahem) and headed for the main stage. It was the worst of the rain, but still a load of hardy fans just danced, sang and partied like it was 1997. Adidas shell toes were replaced by wellies and cargo trousers were replaced by waterproofs, but the crowd sang their little hearts out to Never Ever and all the big hits.
Enthusiasm sums up Camp Bestival. The rain didn’t stem the crowds (much) and we all discovered that wellies are made for dancing in (sorta). One thing I love about the site is that we could sit at the tent having a coffee and faintly hear T’Pau belting out China in your Hands. We could be doing crafts with the kids, soundtracked by The Rajasthan Heritage Brass Band. Walking from the Big Top to the toilets and we could watch Sara Cox revving up the crowds with 80s dance floor fillers. When we got home, my 7 year old son walked past me singing ‘Jump Around’ and my daughter seems to have picked up a new found love of vintage, thanks to the wonderful music spun by the Shellac Collective.
The Food at Camp Bestival 2017
The Feast Collective is the place for food at Camp Bestival. It’s a foodie haven where some of the most exciting food producers gather to feed hungry festival-goers. Sure, there are stalls dotted all around the site, but here there is some truly amazing street food. You can find everything from Ghanian food from Zoe’s Ghanaian Kitchen, coffee at Firestation Coffee and ice lollies from Polar Pops – made with natural blended fruit and veg.
  The Feast Collective has loads of big communal tables plus a tent where kids can take cooking classes. Last year there was a massive meat roasting right outside, which, as a veggie, was very off-putting, but luckily they tucked it off to the side this year so I could walk in without my stomach turning first!
My friends loved the buttermilk fried chicken, which seemed to always have a long queue, but I adored Milgi. The vegan stall was also popular and I absolutely adored their vegan doner kebab. It was sooooooo good. I’ll admit to having it for both lunch and dinner one day! My meat-eating friend tried it and then chose it for his lunch. I swear, I’m still dreaming about it. So, so good. Just gaze at it there in the picture – lovely salads, amazing sauces and that perfectly spiced ‘meat’ made from chickpeas and seasonings.
Camp Bestival 2017 Review – The mud!
There’s no getting around in it (in fact, at times there literally wasn’t any getting around in it), there was a LOT of mud. Organisers had anticipated rain, so plastic walkways were set up in some high-traffic areas, but it just wasn’t anywhere near enough. At times it wasn’t possible to pull our sleeping kids in their trolley, so we just admitted defeat, dragged it to the World’s Largest Disco Ball and danced for a while. We found some sticks to push mud out of the wheels and were soon on our way again.
Now, we grown ups might have found the mud a bit of a slog, but my kids? They were in muddy puddle heaven. I had plenty of spare clothes for them, so I zipped on their waterproof coats, popped on their wellies and let them jump to their hearts content while we watched shows and bands. Everyone was happy. In the middle of the biggest downpour, as my five-year-old stood in ankle deep mud outside the big top, I asked her if she was having fun. Her reply? “Mum, this is the best day ever. Can I have an ice cream?” And hey, in a downpour there’s no queue for ice cream – win!
Camp Bestival 2017 Review – The nights
Photo courtesy of Camp Bestival
Just because there are kids around, doesn’t mean the adults want to stop the party early. The Caravanserai is amazing at night. We saw to modern brass bands compete in a ‘brass off’, we saw unusual street performers and we listened to amazing music. There are bars in there so it’s a great place to pitch up for a while at nightfall.
When the final band at the Big Top finished, they kicked us all out and everyone dutifully queued up. Back in we went, armed with headphones for a silent disco. With people listening to different tracks, it was all about losing yourself in dancing. The place was packed (not uncomfortably so) and it was a great atmosphere. If you dared to take off your headphones, you’d be met by a chorus of people singing badly to different songs.
If you haven’t been to Camp Bestival before, you might be wondering how to deal with little ones in the evenings. Well, like many others, we just got to work practicing our questionable parenting. We kept them up late, jacked up on ice cream and sweets. We dragged them around watching bands. We carried them when their little legs got tired. When it was too much, we tucked them up in their trolley and danced next to them. Extra blankets for the trolley are a must, as are ear defenders. At one point my son said he preferred wearing the ear defenders as he could just hear the music and not all the grown ups’ ‘chitter chatter’. That’s us told.
Regatta
Regatta kindly sent us some products for Camp Bestival. The waterproofs definitely came in handy!
  How bright and sunny are we? If the weather is grey, at least we can be bright. I love the Bayeur jacket that Regatta sent me. It’s such a great, vivid yellow, has lots of pockets and it’s comfy. I like that it’s showerproof and lightweight – so perfect for this awful wet summer! You can’t help but cheer up a bit when you put it on. It also has a peaked hood, taped seams and a handy internal pocket – perfect for phone and cash. I’ll be using it on the school run often!
One thing that I feel is quite important for a festival, is to make sure the kids are dressed in something bright. In a crowd, it’s difficult to spot one child, however, dress them in luminous orange and magenta coats and you’ll always be able to see them!
These coats aren’t driving pouring rain-proof, but they are definitely shower proof. We loved the quality, colours and that they perform well. You’ll see from my daughter’s above that it’s been put through it’s muddy paces. It still looks great and feels durable. The zips are strong and easy for the kids to do up themselves, and the hoods are peaked so any rain will run off.
Camp Bestival has tents where you can get wristbands with your mobile number on for the kids. It’s important to do that (and I saw some kids with phone numbers on their arms with sharpie pens; others with phone numbers in pen on their t-shirts), but another help is distinctive clothing. Your child getting lost is horrible, and we helped two children locate their parents via the many security guards. Neither had phone number wristbands. Get them, people! Both children were reunited with their parents in minutes.
Regatta also sent us their decadent-sounding games table. It was fabulous. It’s a great size as a table and we often put the camping stove on it at Camp Bestival. However, it’s made for games and kept the kids entertained. They can play draughts, chess, cards and snakes and ladders. A fun activity is to get them to collect stones to use for the games and even paint them. It folds down easily and is light enough that it’s not a bother at all to take it with us camping.
Regatta also sent me a lovely warm Daphnie fleece. It’s thick, warm and was perfect for the cooler nights at Camp Bestival. I like that it has a large zip up neck, so I could shield my face from the wind. I was really glad that we had the kids’ stormbreak waterproof overtrousers – they held up well in the rain and the kids could just slip them up over their jeans.
We had the Bienna double sleeping bag. I liked that it’s cotton, so no slippery noisy material and far more comfortable. Also, and this is the genius part, it can either zip into a double sleeping bag, or apart into two singles! Very versatile and useful. It was a perfect weight for a UK summer. We were warm but not hot. I also like the square bottom. I’ve had mummy bags before and they can feel a bit claustrophobic, but this was roomy while still staying warm.
Regatta sent my husband a Magnitude IV jacket. It’s a lightweight and breathable rain jacket. He found that it was fine in light rain, but when he was in heavy driving rain at the festival it soaked through at bit. Still, it’s perfect for day-to-day wear and in fact he’s been wearing it daily ever since.
  I’ve been really impressed with the products Regatta sent. So much so that I’ll be picking up some trainers for the kids when they next need a new pair. They have a pretty amazing sale on at the moment, so do check Regatta out.
Camp Bestival 2017 Review Conclusion
Don’t even think about the weather. Just go and book those early bird tickets now. You can always pack ponchos. We had the worst weather in Camp Bestival’s 10 year history, and we still loved every minute (well, maybe not when we were caught in particularly driving rain with the kids getting upset). Still, I took the rain for you, so next year you’ll be due glorious sunshine. I’m good to you all like that. Takin’ it for the team, ya know?
See you at Camp Bestival 2018!
  Camp Bestival 2018 will take place on July 26th – 29th. Early Bird tickets and weekly payment plan are on sale now. 
  Disclosure: Thanks for reading my Camp Bestival 2017 Review. My family went to the festival as guests of Camp Bestival and paid a charitable donation. Regatta sent us products to review, but all opinions are our own. 
Camp Bestival 2017 Review Here's my Camp Bestival 2017 review. There might have been mud, but we didn't let it dampen our spirits.
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