the broken hearts club | jhs (m)
summary: through a series of extremely unfortunate events, yonsei university’s broken hearts club now has two members: you and resident bad boy jung hoseok. a deal is struck and you both come to an agreement: fake date and get back at your cheating exes without getting close to each other. there’s just one problem though: you may have fallen for him in the process. badboy! au, college!au, fakedating!au
title: the broken hearts club
pairings: bad boy! hoseok x quiet girl!female reader
genre: angst, smut, fluff, college au, bad boy au, fake dating au
word count: 19,831 words exactly, i’m so sorry hbdfbha
warnings: NOT SAFE FOR RAMADAN, fluff, smut, angst, pwp stands for porn with plot in this case bc there’s smut but you have to go through the plot first hdsghag, language, BRACE YOURSELVES hoseok is a little bit of a dick in this one, being cheated on by (my own) ocs, toxic relationships on both the reader and hoseok’s end (but not with each other!), yes this takes place in the same universe as electric love!taehyung but after he gets his girl, kissing, dom!hoseok, fsub!reader, fvirgin!reader, biting, hickies and the process of making them, (m!receiving) hair pulling, breast play, (f!receiving) oral, (f!receiving) fingering, orgasm denial, (f!receiving) multiple orgasms, hoseok wraps it before he taps it so this is protected sex fajhdf, scratching, shared orgasms, my shitty attempt at angst, an ambiguous ending WooOooOoOOOo
❂ The Room of Restraints
⁂ Hosted by: professor valerie (@kookdiaries) through @bangtansorciere
⤐ AU Type: Harness (Bad Boy)
⤐ Themes: First Time Sex, Passionate Sex
⤐ Kinks: biting, scratching, hickies, breast play, orgasm denial
rating: 18+ for language, sexual content
songs to listen to: you can find the playlist here! <3
a/n: dhbasfkh this bih is not edited and ,,, i really flew solo on this one :’)) i hope you enjoy regardless <33
disclaimer: the amazing banner and divider are made by @kookdiaries !! the writing and plot of this fic are my own, please do not plagiarize thank you!!
thanks to: @kookdiaries, valerie you absolute ANGEL!! thank you again for making the header and divider, it fits the vibe so perfectly :’)) and thank you especially for making a banner during your own house games jabhdfbhf i appreciate you so much thank you :’)) and special thanks to ate ryen!! @kithtaehyung you’re the best for reading this fic five minutes before it’s due, an actual superhero. you’re the best i love you so much :’))
Well, this was the absolute last place you expected to be standing at during your lunch break, but here you are, gracing the library table that is widely known by the student body as the unofficial meeting spot for Yonsei University’s Broken Hearts Club.
And boy, you were not excited for this one.
You hesitantly extend your hand towards the backing of a chair, wondering to yourself if you really count as broken-hearted because, yeah, you’re going through some intense emotional problems right now but your heart isn’t completely broken, it’s just kind of...cracked right now.
“Well isn’t this sad, ____.” you murmur to yourself as you give in and pull out the chair, plopping yourself down onto the hard plastic and setting your backpack on the table. You pull open your laptop and boot it up, humming to yourself to try and keep the tears from welling up in your eyes. “May as well get some work done, I guess.”
You can practically feel the waves of pity from other strangers passing by as you bow your head over your laptop, typing furiously. No one ever really went to the Broken Hearts Club’s table unless the situation was really messy, and even then the situations were easily fixed. The last time someone was here it was your acquaintance Taehyung, and he was lamenting over his best friend not liking him back before they went and fell in love because of a TikTok challenge or whatever.
Hmm, maybe that would solve all of your problems. What TikTok challenges could you even do?
You grimace when you realize that the most recent TikTok trend was some sexy dance and a cringe-y lip sync video, so you decide to just shelve that strategy until the cool kids of TikTok come up with something else.
Well, you shouldn’t be thinking about it now. You have too many papers to write and nothing, not even the images that have been seared into your brain will stop you from getting the best grades you can possibly get.
Why then, can you not get the images out of your head?
You glance at your literature paper, shaking your head and tilting the top of the laptop down so the screen doesn’t blind you before rubbing at your temples. You feel the tight knot in your chest return with an ugly vengeance and you gulp, already sensing the burn of salty tears fill your vision. You cross your arms on the table and bury your head into the crooks of your elbows before exhaling deeply, not bothering to stop the messy flow of tears and snot down your face as you’re forced to relive the torturous images of your now ex-boyfriend tangled in between the sheets of your bed with his psychology classmate.
You honestly had no idea where it went wrong. Sungho was one of the first people who pulled you out of your shell when you started at Yonsei, being your guide around the campus and establishing a steady companionship until he awkwardly asked you out on a date. One date turned into three, three dates turned into drunken making out, and the next thing you knew you were dating. You both made each other happy, well, as happy as you could make each other with your demanding school schedules and work.
You guess it wasn’t enough.
Pull it together, ____! You mentally scold yourself as you try to desperately collect your emotions. Stop crying and suck it up!
It’s only when you hear audible gasps and the sound of clicking heels approaching the chair opposite you do you look up, and you feel your eyes widen comically at who’s standing before you.
It’s well known that Jung Hoseok has an aura surrounding him that makes him intimidating. You don’t know whether it’s the fact that he’s double majoring with a minor in something, he’s almost ridiculously good looking, or that he doesn’t smile towards anyone under any circumstances but it’s enough to make rumors about him swirl around the whole of the campus, giving him the official title of “bad boy.”
So it came as a shock (and tragedy for the female population) when everyone found out he was dating Park Eunji, the school’s it girl. The couple radiated power, charisma, literally everything that a power couple would emit. It was also with Eunji that Hoseok would crack just the tiniest of grins, and that in itself made everyone know it was the real deal.
Well, as real as it was until something horrible happened. Eunji was no longer seen with Hoseok wherever he went, and he went back to that stony facade everyone knew. It happened so abruptly, there were rumors as to what happened but no one knows for sure.
You watch as Hoseok settles himself into the chair opposite you without sparing you another glance, pulling out his own laptop and headphones. You feel questions begin to pop into your mind but you keep your mouth shut, not wanting to disturb him.
Soon enough though, the curiosity of his situation gets the better of you and you glance up at him, where he’s deeply engrossed in whatever he’s studying. You clear your throat quietly, trying to get his attention but when that doesn’t work you decide to speak to him.
“So, uh...what brings you here?” At the sound of your voice his head shoots up, and he gives you an annoyed glance as he does a once over glance over your entire face. His steely eyes and frowning lips have you shivering, and you find yourself shrinking back against the backing of your chair.
“Why do you need to know?” He all but snaps at you, and you feel yourself deflate at his irked tone.
“Well,” you meekly begin. “You’re at the Broken Hearts table...I figured something horrible happened.”
Hoseok’s face twists into a sour expression and he purses his lips. “Why does it matter to you? For all you know I could have just had a one night stand turned ugly. What even happened to you, huh? Your goody two shoes boyfriend missed an important date or something?”
You bite your lip, hurt rippling throughout your chest at his sarcastic tone. You can see the tiniest sliver of regret shine in Hoseok’s eyes, though, and you know he’s picked up on the fact that he hurt you.
“Wrong, actually,” you murmur back softly. “He cheated on me. I saw him in my bed with one of his psychology classmates.”
Hoseok’s eyes soften at this, and the lightest splotches of red begin to appear on his neck which lets you know of his immediate embarrassment and regret of snapping back at you. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you shrug back. “I never knew who he cheated on me with, it happened so suddenly. One second I was in my flat wanting to share noodles with him, next thing I knew I was crying into the pot alone while drinking the broth.”
The corner of his mouth twitches at this before it straightens back out into its signature straight line. “You cried into a pot of noodles?”
You nod at his statement and he snorts. “That sounds kind of fake, no offense.”
You feel the smallest of grins make an appearance at the disbelief in his voice. “I admit, not my best moment. He actually came back to get her fancy ‘I see ghosts’ sweatshirt, something she had left over without me realizing so he got to see me cry into a spicy pot of ramyeon. I tried to play it off as the spice of the noodles but we both knew the real cause. That was embarrassing.”
You return back to your laptop after this, thinking the conversation done and over with. What you fail to see, however, is the widening of his eyes and the way his face pales at your words.
“Hey…what was your name again?”
“____,” you reply, not looking up from the sentence you’re typing. “What’s up?”
“Could you look at something for me? I wanna see if this is what you saw.” You peer at him and he opens his phone, pulling something up before sliding it over to you. You grasp it in your hands and look at the screen, not expecting something of importance.
You feel your blood run cold, though, at the picture you see.
Because it’s Eunji sitting in front of Hoseok at a restaurant, laughing into a milkshake and wearing the exact sweater you saw Sungho pick up from your apartment later that day. You also recognize the hair...the tousled, messy yet perfect waves she always had her hair making you realize that there was a chance that the person Sungho cheated on you was Eunji.
You swallow thickly, looking at Hoseok’s forehead rather than the intense stare he has you under. “That’s definitely the sweater...when was this taken?”
“The past weekend, on Saturday,” he states. “The next day one of my best friends showed me pictures of her leaving the club with a stranger, holding hands and kissing. I broke up with her after that.”
“Saturday was when I saw Sungho in bed with his classmate,” you reply, your brain trying and failing to keep up with this sudden avalanche of information. “Could this mean what I think it means?”
You finally stare back at Hoseok, and you watch as the light of recognition appears in his eyes.
“Sungho cheated on you with Eunji and she cheated on me with Sungho,” he says, voice filled with nothing but surety.
Silence fills the space between you two, as you both process the information that you had just deduced. It made sense though, and you’re suddenly flashing back to all the times when Sungho would ditch dates to meet with his psychology classmate. Thinking back to those moments is making your heart pang with pain, though, so you decide to not think about it further.
You instead look up at Hoseok, where you see the gears in his head turning. While he’s deep in thought, you can’t help but admire just how handsome he is; the slope of his nose delicately scrunched at the tip as he thinks of something, the furrow of his eyebrow, the sharpness of his jaw. And even while sitting there, he exudes so much charisma and confidence it’s a wonder you haven’t melted into a puddle yet.
You can’t let him affect you like that, though. He would surely break your heart in an instant if you let him.
His head suddenly tilts up to look up at you and you let out an embarrassed squeak, ducking your head down to pretend as if you weren’t ogling at him. You hear him begin to talk to you when all of a sudden, an alarm on your phone beeps. You glance down and gasp when you register that you have to start packing in order to make it to your next lecture.
“I’m really sorry,” you say, swiftly gathering your belongings and hugging your laptop to your chest. “About everything that happened with Eunji. She’s honestly dumb for cheating on you and you deserve way better, but I’m glad you got some closure as to what happened.”
“Hey, can I-” he begins to say, but you’re putting on your earbuds and giving him a small smile and cheesy thumbs up before you can hear what he has to say to you.
And before he can even blink, you’re striding out of the library.
You don’t return to the library for another two weeks, not wanting to sit at the Broken Hearts table due to the fact that you didn’t want to be seen there, but also partly because you found yourself sitting at the cafeteria because you forgot to pack your lunch. Soon enough though, you find yourself sitting back down at the Broken Hearts table. You felt a little bit better, but the cracks in your heart have never really mended and you know you could use a little bit more support.
It’s been a solitary process, but that doesn’t mean no one hasn’t been reaching out to support you. Taehyung had sat down next to you in the one class you shared and introduced you to his friend named Jimin as well as his girlfriend, and you rapidly became friends with all of them. It was nice having their company and lunches had been filled with lots of laughter but for today you just wanted the peace in the quiet, hence the decision to sit at the Broken Hearts table.
You pull your laptop out of your bag, forgoing the decision to study and deciding on watching a movie. You pull up Netflix and scroll through your saved library, trying to decide on the genre you want to watch when you suddenly hear the chair in front of you being pulled out.
Your head shoots up, wondering who could be sitting at the table with you and gasping noisily when you realize it’s Hoseok. He gives you a small nod in acknowledgement while you openly gawk at him, but you snap your jaw shut and instead give him back a meek wave.
Well, there goes your movie watch party. You can’t bring yourself to focus with his close proximity, mind racing with so many questions as to why he’s here again. Maybe he needed the support too?
You get your answer when a hand makes contact with the top of your laptop, tilting the screen down and making you pay attention to the person sitting across from you. You yelp, pulling your fingers away from your laptop to prevent the tips from getting crushed and Hoseok flashes you a small smirk in response.
“I was watching something,” you scoff in a joking manner.
He raises an eyebrow at you and you feel your flush at the expression.
“Okay, so I was looking at the moving YouTube thumbnails but in my defense, they were pretty entertaining!”
He blinks once at this, and you feel a flustered feeling begin to overtake you. “Okay, so it was actually Netflix-”
“It’s okay, ____.” Hoseok interrupts, flashing you the smallest glimpse of dimple. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”
“About what?” you ask, lifting back up the lid of your laptop. You pout at him when he closes your laptop again.
“I want to have your attention when I ask you this,” Hoseok quips back. “I have an idea and I want you to be a part of it.”
You look at him in confusion. “Like...a school project or something?”
He shakes his head. “No, let’s fake date and get back at our exes.”
A beat passes as you process his words.
You burst out laughing at his words, loud giggles erupting from your mouth as you laugh at the sheer hilarity of his proposition. You, fake dating him? To get back at your exes? What kind of plan was that?
Your giggles slowly taper off and you wipe tears away from your eyes as you catch your breath, grinning widely at an unsmiling Hoseok. “Nice joke, buddy! I needed that laugh, thanks for that!”
“I wasn’t joking,” he responds back coolly.
The smile promptly drops from your face at that statement, and you shake your head at him. “Sorry, but no.”
“I think it’s a really good plan!” He counters, staring at you head on. You feel yourself shrink at his heated stare and yet, you can’t bring yourself to look away. “It’ll be an opportunity to hurt them back. Don’t you want to get back at them?”
You bite your lip and avert your eyes from his gaze, trying to process the thoughts currently racing through your head. Sure, there was an ache in your chest and seeing Sungho on campus hurt like hell but the last thing you wanted was to put yourself in a situation where your heart was at risk again.
You couldn’t afford another heartbreak.
“I’m sorry,” you reply, looking back at him. “I’m sure it would have been a fantastic plan and I would’ve really loved to help you out but I can’t be put in another situation where my heart’s at risk. I’m sure you’re a great guy but...I don’t know if I can trust you.”
“That’s understandable,” he agrees, and you’re colored surprised when you hear the soft tone in his voice. “You must’ve loved Sungho a lot. Eunji and I were never compatible to begin with...a lot of what everyone saw was for show.”
You feel a surge of sadness at this, not able to imagine being in a loveless relationship. You open your mouth to apologize to him but he stops you, holding up a hand.
“I know what you’re gonna say, and it’s okay. I’d still really like to do this plan and fake date you.”
“How can I know I can trust you?” You counter back.
He purses his lips at this, deep in thought. You tap your fingers on the desk, waiting for his answer.
“My nickname is Hobi. Only my family and really close friends are allowed to use it,” he says, and you hear nothing but sincerity and the slightest bit of fondness in his voice.
You feel a smile form as the admission of his nickname. “That’s really cute.”
He lets out a scoff that sounds suspiciously close to a chuckle, but then you feel his demeanor become more serious. “I’m telling you this because I’m giving you permission to use it. Eunji wasn’t allowed to, but I’m letting you.”
You have to physically hold your mouth shut at his words, but before you can object he continues on, eyes holding nothing but seriousness and truth. “And I swear I will end things as soon as you get uncomfortable. One word from you and I’ll stop, I won’t hurt you. And you won’t get any romantic feelings from me, only friendship. Nothing else, I promise that to you, ____.”
You purse your lips at this. You can hear the truth in his voice and you know you can trust him, it was just scary to think about the repercussions if things went horribly wrong.
The promise of being the one able to stop it at any time has you leaning towards yes, though. The thought of being in control, or being able to stop if you got uncomfortable was enough to have you thinking that yeah, maybe this was a good plan. Looking back at the way Sungho would brush you off, the way he would dismiss your thoughts, when he would leave you in the middle of dates...you never realize how much he hurt you until he did, and that in itself was shitty of him to do with you. Ire grows in your being at your past treatment, and it’s in that moment you’re sure of your decision.
Maybe it’s time you gave him a taste of his own medicine.
“I’ll do it.” The words leave your mouth before you can even think, and Hoseok’s eyes widen in surprise.
“Really?” He asks in disbelief. “You’ll do it?”
“Yes,” you confirm. You feel confidence surge through your veins and you look back at him, feeling the hesitation dissipate from your body and leaving nothing but surety at your decision. “No feelings except friendship, and I get to call off if I get uncomfortable. Got it?”
You hold out your hand, offering it to Hoseok to shake on it and seal the deal. He glances from your hand to your face before he nods, grasping your palm firmly and shaking twice before letting go.
You expect something to change, for something new to begin between you and Hoseok, but for the past week or so it’s been uneventful. A text here and there, a quick conversation about basic information so that if the opportunity does arise to get back at them you two won’t be fishing for facts, but other than that? Nothing much.
So it comes as a surprise when a couple of weeks later, you hear someone walking up behind you on your way to your literature class. You quickly whirl around, ready to pepper spray the shit out of someone if necessary but not at all prepared to see Hoseok standing in all of his handsome glory, hair ruffled from the wind and brandishing a cup of...something and a small paper bag. You feel your eyes wander, though, over to his hands. His fingers are adorned with rings and there’s a small bracelet that looks like it costs your entire college tuition, but you find yourself doubling back on his fingers because how in the world can hands be pretty?
You suddenly realize that your thoughts are gonna go down a different, needier path if you keep walking in that direction so you fix your sight back on his face. Hoseok, however, is under whatever same trance you were in because his eyes are slowly traveling your face. You watch as his lips slowly curve up into a soft smirk and his eyes glint with something unknown, and you feel your cheeks begin to flush under his heated stare.
You’ll decide later if it’s embarrassment or want.
“Hoseok!” you say, gaining his attention. His eyes snap back up at you and he gives you a small wink before thrusting the paper bag in your direction.
“Here, ____,” he says in lieu of a greeting, shaking the bag in a bid for you to take it. You do as he wants, grasping the bag and opening it to find an egg and cheese croissant. You feel your stomach swoon slightly at his gesture and you grin up at him.
“Thanks!” you chirp happily, holding the sandwich in between the paper and taking a bite.
“No problem,” he replies easily. “You mentioned you had back to back classes and that you don’t get to eat lunch during this time, so I thought I would buy you something.”
You feel yourself flush at his words, heart singing at his kindness. “Thanks, Hoseok.”
“You can call me Hobi,” he reminds you. He then flashes you his signature smirk, eyes glinting with mischief. “And my reasoning is partly selfish. Eunji has a class nearby, let me walk you?” He asks.
You laugh at his statement and nod, quickly falling by his side, though you walk slightly ahead as to not completely scream to anyone passing that you’re dating Jung Hoseok. He notices this and quickens his pace so he’s by your side, and you groan.
“What?” he asks, a teasing lilt in his voice. “Can’t I walk my fake girlfriend to class?”
“Oh shush, Jung,” you grumble, though you can’t help but smile when he lets out a short laugh.
You expect the walk to be uncomfortable, but you instead find it to be filled with an amicable peace between the both of you. You ask each other about classes while you finish your sandwich, and you soon find yourself standing in front of the building that houses your literature class.
“Well, this is me,” you say, walking towards the steps before turning back and standing away from him so you can look up at his face. “Thanks for walking me to cla-”
You feel your stomach drop at the voice, and you turn your head to see Eunji marching over to you two with Sungho in tow. Both look equal levels of pissed and you swallow, looking back at Hoseok in panic. His eyes are like steel, glaring daggers at the pair but when he sees your panicked face his gaze softens and he levels his eyes on you, mouthing, “Let me take care of it.”
You nod in response and he pulls you by his side. His hand drops to your waist and his hand squeezes your hip out of comfort. You relish in the comfort, your own hand settling on top of his and giving a squeeze of your own.
Eunji and Sungho soon stand in front of you, the former glaring daggers at you. “What is this?” she exclaims, gesturing wildly to you two.
“Don’t look so bewildered, Eunji,” Hoseok responds, and you can practically hear the eyeroll in his voice. “This is a relationship, and you’re looking at my baby girl. This is ____, my lovely girlfriend.”
It’s clear that everyone in the immediate vicinity as well as those around the four of you are caught off guard by this. Sungho’s neck turns red at an alarming rate and you hear gasps echo noisily from the students who are trying to not make it obvious that they’re eavesdropping.
You, however, are in for the biggest shock. Baby girl. Where did he even come up with that nickname? You find that you don’t dislike it though...it’s actually quite the opposite. You find him wanting to say it again, and you can’t help the small zip of electricity that travels up your spine at the thought of him calling you that pet name again.
Eunji sputters at this, and for the first time in all the years you’ve seen her keep her composure you see it slip, showing just how nasty she is. She inhales sharply before delivering her next attack: “This is just a one night stand or whatever, right?”
Hoseok scoffs at this, looking down at you. You’re determined not to look at anyone out of fear of giving the whole act away, though, so you stare at the stairs of the building behind their heads.
“No, we’re dating. Can you not tell?” Hoseok deadpans, and despite feeling like you’re about to throw up out of nervousness you can’t help but let out a small laugh. Eunji casts her frigid stare onto you at this and you freeze, body seizing up.
“Dating my current boyfriend’s sad little ex, huh?” she sneers, and you can’t help but feel a pang in your chest at that. “Must’ve been really desperate there, Hoseok.”
“Nope,” he replies easily. “She’s been treating me better than you would ever treat me, Eunji. And I know for a damn fact I’m treating her better than the dumbass standing next to you.”
“Don’t call me a dumbass!” Sungho snaps.
“Then stop being one, simple as that,” Hoseok shoots back easily. You internally cheer at his clapback and Sungho sputters, clearly flustered at Hoseok’s clear burn.
Sungho instead decides to focus his attention on you, and you feel yourself shrink back into his side at his intense glare. “You’re really dating this piece of shit, ____?”
You feel Hoseok jolt forward at the insult but you place a palm on his chest, stopping him in his tracks. You glare at Sungho, who’s eyes widen in surprise at this new image of you so...angry.
“Don’t call my boyfriend a piece of shit,” you snap. Eunji opens her mouth to shoot back but you glare at her too, and she shrinks back in surprise. “And you, stay out of your business...though that must be hard for you, huh?”
Before you can even think, you’re taking Hoseok’s hand and dragging him towards the building, leaving Eunji and Sungho in your dust.
Caught up in your anger, you don’t register that you’re on the leveled part of the staircase until Hoseok yanks you back, making you stop in your tracks. You turn back and blink back in surprise, but you feel your heart swoon at the sight before you.
Because he’s smiling, not one of the half smirks he gives you or his signature scowl. You instead see a flash of the sweetest grin you’ve ever seen, and you wish you could just see more of that from him. It’s like watching the sun rise; bright, and filled with beauty.
Just as soon as it comes, however, it goes. Hoseok stops smiling as soon as you make eye contact with him, and he instead replaces it with a half smirk. You pout a little, wanting to see more of his smile and he quirks an eyebrow at the pleading face you give him.
“What?” He asks, not quite angry, but not quite friendly either. He went from loving boyfriend to an acquaintance so quick that it gives you whiplash, and you remember that it’s not worth falling for him because this relationship has an expiration date.
So you shake off the tiny ache in your heart and squash the butterflies in your stomach, shrugging and replying, “Nothing.” This seems to work for the most part, though Hoseok’s eyes still hold a glint of confusion. He looks at you for a moment before shaking his head.
“You did great out there, fake girlfriend,” he says, a blank sort of approval coloring his tone. You smile back, ignoring the slight sinking in your chest at his words.
“You too, fake boyfriend,” you tease back, trying to lighten the mood between you two. The clock tower on campus signals the beginning of the new hour and your eyes widen when you register you’ll be late for your class. You make a move to pull away from him but before he lets you leave completely, Hoseok pulls your hand up to his face and brushes the lightest kiss over your knuckles, so soft that you barely feel it.
“Have a good class, baby girl.” He turns and leaves before you can even register his words, and when you finally do he’s down the stairs, turning back one more time and giving you a wave before walking off.
Now alone, you can’t help the smile that stretches across your face, nor can you not ignore the butterflies flying around in your stomach.
You’re practically guaranteeing your own doom for starting to have feelings for Hoseok.
So why does it feel like your heart is beginning to heal?
After that small fiasco, the days pass by in relative quiet. You’ll get the occasional “What is it like dating Hoseok?” from a random classmate- hell, even Taehyung’s girlfriend asks you but the most you can give is the smallest smile, blushing profusely before changing the conversation.
One thing that does change is your dynamic with Hoseok, you don’t know if it’s because of what happened or because he’s slowly warming up to you, but you and him begin talking more on the daily, whether on texts or late night phone calls. Sometimes you’ll pull each other up on video call, not talking and just studying for whatever material you both need to accomplish. Other times he’ll come over to your apartment, wearing sweats and carrying takeout where you two will study into the wee hours of the morning, not a single word passing by you two.
In those instances, it feels like he’s detached and that the relationship is the beginning of a friendship at best. Yeah, sometimes you two will talk about something random but for the most part it’s professional. It has the same feeling as working on a partner project in a class. You’ll crack jokes here and there, talk business, and work together before going your separate ways and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll bump into each other in the book store. It’s odd, but it’s one of the dynamics you and Hoseok just naturally fell into.
It’s a little bit of a different story on campus, though. He’s brighter, grinning small grins down at you while walking you from place to place and putting on a fantastic show for all of the student body to see. He’ll even show up with the egg and cheese croissant you’ve come to love so much, walking you to class and kissing your hand in the same manner he did the first time. This dynamic has slowly grown to be your favorite, but you’re lucky if you get to even see this side of Hoseok maybe once a week.
Which is a shame, really. You want more of this Hoseok, the one who you can almost call your own.
You know that this deal with Hoseok has its expiration date though. Even though Eunji and Sungho would shoot you and Hoseok periodic glares whenever you two pass by them, they’ve largely just ignored the both of you. You have this odd feeling in the pit of your stomach like they were planning something- or at least Eunji was planning something, but in the current time period you can’t bring yourself to care.
The months pass by slowly and before you even realize it, it’s the month of midterms. You’re as busy as ever, just waiting for the onslaught of tests to end so you can sleep, but you’re so overloaded on schoolwork it feels like you’re drowning.
It’s on one of your study sessions when Hoseok calls you. Your phone is face down on your desk as you squint at your computer screen, but the buzzing pulls you out of your stupor. You grab your phone, reading his contact before sliding your thumb across the screen and picking up the call.
“Hey Hoseok, what’s up?” you ask, wedging your phone between your ear and shoulder while you continue typing on your computer.
“Get dressed, we’re going somewhere,” he says in lieu of a greeting. His voice sounds static-y, like he’s driving and you feel your eyebrows raise at this.
“Eyes on the road, Jung!” you say, standing up and stretching slightly to the side to ease the ache of your back. “And what makes you think I’ll go out when you ask? I have to study, there’s a lot to do.”
“I’m not asking, ____. I’m making you. I know you’ve been studying all day and you need to get away from your computer screen.”
You bite your lip, excitement building at the prospect of getting away from your apartment but wanting to play coy. “What if I don’t have anything to wear?”
“Easy,” he replies, and you can hear him use his turn signal. “I’ll let you borrow one of my jackets, I have one in my car. Now will you get ready?”
“Yeah yeah,” you concede, walking over to your bedroom and pulling out leggings to replace the shorts you were wearing and socks for the chunky black boots you love. “How far away are you?
“Like...five minutes?” he guesses, and you feel your eyes practically bug out at his estimation.
“Five minutes?! Jung, you could’ve given a girl some warning!” You exclaim, rushing to pick out a jacket. You hear the tires screech through the phone and you yelp at the sound. “Drive properly, Hoseok!”
“Sorry baby girl, some idiot cut me off and I had to speed up a little so they couldn’t see when I flipped them off,” he replies.
You sputter at his usage of the pet name. “Hoseok!” you exclaim.
You hear a sound that sounds suspiciously close to a chuckle before he clears his throat. The teasing lilt of his voice still remains, though. “What, cat got baby girl’s tongue?”
“Why you- just drive safe idiot,” you grumble, ending the call before you can hear his chuckle. You put on your leggings and tug your jacket over your tank top before grabbing your purse and socks, making your way back to your living room and sitting down to pull your socks onto your feet.
A knock on the door signals his arrival and you jump up, slinging the strap of your purse over your shoulder and opening the door to find Hoseok holding a jean jacket in his grasp. Before you can even blink he’s shoving the jacket into your arms and saying, “I said you could borrow this so I’m letting you borrow it, put it on!”
You blink owlishly at him as your brain processes the words and when you finally get the memo you shrug off the jacket you were wearing in favor of the one he had given you. You take a moment to look at the light wash, smiling when you see the white stars adorning the sleeves and noting the way it hangs loosely over your frame. You begin to say your thanks to Hoseok but when you look up, you notice he has an odd look on his face as he looks at you. His lips are slightly ajar, eyes holding a sort of warm emotion you’ve never seen before and you find yourself blushing under his stare.
“What?” you ask, wrapping your arms around your body shyly. He registers your voice and gulps, shaking his head and when he glances back at you his face is back to that blank state you’re always accustomed to.
“Nothing,” he replies gruffly, though his voice wavers slightly at the end of the word. “Let’s go.”
You nod and you both walk out the door, locking up behind the two of you before making your way to his car. You make a move to open the passenger seat but Hoseok beats you to it, opening the door and gesturing with a wave of his hand to go inside.
“Thanks!” you say, sliding into the passenger seat and placing your bag on the floor of his car. He nods once before closing the door, making his way to the driver’s seat and getting into the car as well.
He soon pulls out of the parking spot, driving in the direction of campus. An awkward silence falls between the two of you because while you two have spent a lot of time on video calls together, you never actually spent time with each other. You would ask each other the occasional question, but that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Well, until now.
Stuck in your thoughts, you barely register where you are until Hoseok pulls into a parking spot. You snap out of your head and look outside, surprised to see that you’re on campus. Hoseok shuts off the engine and slides out of the car, making his way over to your side and opening the car door for you. You get out with a word of thanks and, after locking the doors, you both walk out of the main garage and onto the pathway that leads to campus.
The walk is silent, and you fidget awkwardly until your curiosity gets the better of you and you blurt out, “So, uh...where are we going?”
Hoseok glances at you, quirking an eyebrow at you. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
You sigh, rolling your eyes. “You’re the one who insisted I get away from my laptop and out of my apartment, you could at least tell me where we’re going.”
He gives you a half smirk at this. “You’ll find out when we get there, baby girl.”
Your eyes widen when you hear him use that blasted pet name again and it’s clear he sees the effect it has on you because he grins slyly before walking ahead, leaving you to scramble after him in a sputtering, flustered mess.
After a couple of minutes, you find yourself standing in front of a cafe you had never seen before on campus, the entrance hidden by a bunch of trees. You look at it in interest while Hoseok walks forward, pulling open the door and ushering you inside.
The first thing that envelopes you is the aroma- the bitter, earthy tones of coffee beans being ground that juxtaposes the sweet, fruity aroma of teas. The scent of fresh baked bread adds to the homey atmosphere, and you find yourself relaxing under the comforting presence that the place exudes.
You look around, surprised to find that not a lot of people are occupying the shop. There’s a student sat at the bar by the window, typing away on their laptop with their headphones in while they hurriedly sip at the coffee cup next to them. Other than that, though, it’s you, Hoseok, and the lanky guy behind the register who looks like he’s about to fall asleep.
Hoseok looks at you and grins, gesturing that you follow him with a twitch of his fingers. You nod and follow suit, approaching the cashier. Hoseok counts down from three to one on his fingers, and all of a sudden he slams his hand down on the counter, making the employee jolt awake and you burst into a bunch of giggles at the comedic look on his face.
“Hobi, you absolute bitch,” the guy behind the register seethes, though you can tell that it’s not real anger.
“Namjoon, you knew I had to,” Hoseok replies with an affectionate tone, and you’re surprised to see that the small smile on his face is genuine.
“Yeah yeah, whatever you idiot,” the guy called Namjoon grumbles. He looks over to where you stand by Hoseok and offers you an embarrassed smile, to which you return one of your own. “Hey, welcome! You must be ____, Hobi’s told me a lot about you!”
Well, this is a revelation to you. And judging by the surprise that flits onto Hoseok’s face followed by the rapid reddening of his ears, it’s clear that he wasn’t expecting him to snitch. Regardless, you take it all in a stride and, with a laugh reply, “Only good things, I hope.”
“All good things,” he assures, and he offers you a knowing grin and exaggeratedly whispers, “He thinks you’re quite pretty, you know.”
Now it’s your turn for your face to go red and for Hoseok to sputter at Namjoon’s words, giving him a threatening glare. Namjoon just chuckles, holding up his hands in a joking manner. “All right, that’s enough for me. The usual?”
You look at Hoseok in confusion but he nods. “Make it two and…what drink do you want, ____?”
“Oh...matcha latte if you have it?” you ask Namjoon, and he smiles.
“Luckily for you, I am an expert at whisking matcha powder. I’ll bring your orders out to you two, you can go ahead and sit.”
You smile, pulling your wallet out of your bag and getting ready to give your card to Namjoon when Hoseok stops you, pushing your hand away lightly. “Nope,” he says, pulling out his own card and giving it to Namjoon swiftly. “I’ll pay, my treat.”
“Don’t fight it ____,” Namjoon interjects, handing him back his card. “Just know he’s smitten with you and that this is his way of buttering you up.”
“Don’t make me go behind the counter and kick your ass,” Hoseok says, and you can’t tell if he really means it or not.
“Sorry, can’t hear you over the grinding coffee beans!” Namjoon responds, giving him an overly cheesy smile. “Please go to your seat, I’ll bring your order out soon!”
Hoseok rolls his eyes and grumbles something under his breath, before nodding at you and leading you over to a table in a secluded corner of the shop, nearby a window but far away from curious stares. He pulls the chair out and gestures for you to sit down and you do, expressing your thanks before he goes to sit in the seat opposite of you.
It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to come over with a tray. On top are two croissants, an iced drink, and your matcha latte. He sets everything down and bows in a theatrical way, but he bows too deep and nearly topples into another table. You attempt to stifle back your laughter but Hoseok snorts, rolling his eyes.
“That’s karma, my guy,” Hoseok says.
“You want me to keep telling ____ all the things you told me?” he snips back, but he backs off when Hoseok shoots daggers at him. “Alright, I’m leaving!”
You grin at Hoseok and his rapidly pinking cheeks. “So...what are these things you’re telling Namjoon?”
“Just shut up and take the damn croissant, ____,” Hoseok grumbles.
You grin at him. “Not until you tell me what you’ve been telling Namjoon.”
Hoseok’s eyes widen at this, and the blush returns to his face. You’ve never seen him this...flustered before “If I promise to tell you later, will you just eat the damn croissant?”
You nod, mentally reminding yourself to keep a note of that. “Okay, I’ll leave it alone.”
He visibly relaxes at this, pushing the plate at you. “Take it, this is my favorite croissant from the cafe.”
You accept the plate, glancing down in curiosity. The plate is warm, indicating that the croissant is fresh baked. It’s been cut open and filled with pastry cream alongside strawberries. The top is dusted with powdered sugar and topped with whipped cream, and your mouth waters at sight before you.
You pick up your fork and knife, cutting off a piece and placing it in your mouth, and your eyes widen when the various flavors meet your palette. The tartness of the strawberries balancing the sweetness of the cream has you craving more and you cut off another piece, humming in delight.
You look up, surprised to find Hoseok looking at you with a soft, indescribable expression. Your eyes meet and he coughs awkwardly, averting his eyes and picking up his drink to take a long sip.
You clear your throat, cutting off a piece of your pastry and offering the bite to Hoseok to ease the tension. “Here, take a bite!”
He shakes his head, gesturing to his own pastry. “I’m good, thank you though.”
You squint your eyes at him before wiggling the fork at his lips. “Just give me a bite of yours and we’ll be even, take the bite.”
He scoffs but gives in, gently holding your wrist and pulling your hand closer to his face. He closes his eyes as he bites off the pastry, and you grin when a little bit of the whipped cream gets on the corner of his lips.
Before you can even think, you’re wiping at the small smear and you both freeze when your thumb comes in contact with his lip. You suddenly realize how couple-y you must look; wrist in hand, you wiping at his mouth, leaning close to each other.
You make a move to pull away, but Hoseok has other plans in mind. He takes your fork away from you and instead replaces it with his own hand, sliding his fingers against yours and rubbing his thumb into your palm. The intimate gesture has your stomach flipping, and you find the feelings that have slowly been building for him return full force.
Well, fuck. How are you supposed to continue on without melting into a puddle?
You become your own saving grace by filling the quiet, asking him, “So...if you had a superpower, what power would you have?”
He looks at you in confusion at the almost absurd question, so random given your entire situation. “What, are we playing 21 questions?”
You grin. “In a sense, I wanna get to know the person my fake boyfriend is.”
He concedes to that reasoning. “Sounds good. We’ll play, but no sissy questions, okay? I want weird questions.”
You nod. “I got you.”
And so you spend the entirety of the afternoon with Hoseok holding your hand, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. At one point you shrugged off his jacket so that it rests on the back of your chair and Namjoon returned to fill your drinks and bring another strawberry croissant, but you remain largely unbothered by these distractions as Hoseok asks you what your dream animal hybrid is.
Your questions dwindle down and soon, you’re both down to your final questions. The sun is setting beside the both of you, and you bask in the golden glow it emits around the both of you as you wrack your brain for something to ask Hoseok.
A sudden question pops in your head, but you’re unsure whether you could ask him this. You bite your lips, tapping your nails against the table and Hoseok notices this. “You have a question.”
You nod, turning away slightly. “I don’t know if you’ll answer this one, though.”
Hoseok hums, expression turning thoughtful. “What is it?”
You gulp, bracing yourself for the reaction you might get. “Did you...love Eunji?”
His fingers stiffen against yours and you internally wince when his eyes turn steely, prepared to defend himself. “Why do you wanna know?”
You sigh, shrugging. “You looked really happy on campus whenever you were with her, so I figured she must have made you somewhat happy.”
He snorts at your statement. “No, that was all for show. I always knew that Eunji was fucking around with other men. I was just the idiot that nearly loved her, but I stopped myself before I fell completely in love.”
You look at him curiously at this. “You loved her?”
He shakes his head. “I thought I did. I definitely felt something for her but at the end of the day, she was just using me for clout. I can practically hear her voice now: ‘I tamed the bad boy of campus.’” His voice turns soft. “You helped me get over her though, so thanks for that.”
You smile shyly, shaking your head. “It’s nothing.”
He opens his mouth as if he wants to say something else but he shakes his head, deciding against it. You can see his head wrack for questions and his eyes light up before dimming.
Since he let you ask a personal question, you decide to let him as well. “You can ask, I won’t get mad.”
He exhales, speaking his words in a rush. “Did he make you happy?”
You look at him in confusion. “What did you say?”
Hoseok winces, looking away. “Did Sungho make you happy?”
You gulp as you process his words, and you internally curse when you feel the cracks in your heart return, accompanied by stinging tears. Just thinking about him and the lack of effort put into your last relationship leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Sungho never went out of his way to treat you to strawberry croissants, he never bothered to walk you to class, he was just...there.
It suddenly hits you, how horribly he treated you. So why does it still hurt, why is your heart so cracked? Why was seeing him in bed with Eunji so painful?
Hoseok’s voice pulls you out of your head, and you find yourself glancing up at him. He’s looking at you with concern, and his fingers flex against yours out of comfort. You don’t even realize that you’re crying until he reaches over, sliding his thumb under your eye and caressing your cheek softly.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” he says gently. “I’m sorry I asked-”
“He never made me happy,” you interrupt.
Hoseok’s face takes on a sad expression. “He didn’t?”
It’s like a dam inside of you has been released, and you find yourself spilling your emotions out to Hoseok. “He was just there. He was like the moon...distant and cold, and yet I wanted nothing more than to see him. I became attached to him without even knowing it, and I guess I never even realized I was being hurt until I saw him in bed with Eunji. It made my heart crack but...it honestly could have been worse, I guess.”
Hoseok’s eyes flash angrily at this. “Want me to beat him up for you?”
You chuckle. “No, it’s okay. If he had never cheated on me, I never would have never met you and been introduced to this cafe, so I’m thankful for that.”
He rolls his eyes at your statement, but you see the beginnings of a smile show up on his lips. “Only thankful for the cafe?”
“Mmm...yeah. These croissants are gonna be my new fake boyfriend, sorry Hoseok.”
At this he bursts out laughing, and you find yourself caught off guard by the bright sound, but you find yourself laughing along too. His laughter lights up the entire atmosphere around you, filling you with warmth and the desire to hear more of it.
You want Hoseok to smile more, especially around you.
The laughter fades away, but it leaves a happier atmosphere. You sigh, looking at the croissant. “Seriously though, this croissant is so good. I may as well just marry it.”
He chuckles at this, squeezing your hand. “A croissant will never break your heart, huh?”
You nod, eyeing the last bit of the pastry on the plate. “It’ll never break my heart.”
You make a move to get the last bit of croissant but he stops you, pulling at your hand and making you look at him. “What, what is it?” you ask him in confusion.
You glance up and you’re surprised that he suddenly looks nervous, eyes darting back and forth. “This is really sudden,” he says, looking at you head on. “But I wanna promise you something.”
You nod your head, and he takes it as his cue to continue talking. “I want to promise you that I’m never going to break your heart, and that I’ll never hurt you.”
Silence falls between the two of you as you process his words, Hoseok looking at you nervously as you slowly register the gravity of his statement. A soft feeling that you’ve never felt before fills your chest at the words you’ve always wanted to hear, and you find yourself tearing up again for the second time this evening.
Hoseok looks at you in alarm. “Are you crying, did I say something wrong?”
“Nothing, you did nothing wrong!” you reassure him, wiping your tears away. “It’s just...I’ve always wanted someone to say that to me and it makes me so happy that it was you who said it to me, Hobi.”
Hoseok’s eyes widen at your words, and you watch as a smile slowly stretches across his face. You feel the butterflies in your stomach begin to flutter around crazily at the sight of his bright, heart shaped smile and you realize in that instant that you never want Hoseok to stop smiling at you like that.
“I mean every word I said, ____,” he says, bringing the hand that’s in his grasp close to his face. “I’m never gonna hurt you and I’m never going to break your heart.”
You laugh breathlessly, blushing when he kisses the back of your hand, lips lingering against your skin. “And I promise that I’m never going to break your heart or hurt you either, Hobi.”
He pulls away and beams brightly at you and you grin back, feeling the cracks in your heart mend at Hoseok’s promise and beautiful smile.
After that evening, things change drastically between the two of you.
Hoseok smiles freely, no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Even if it’s just at either of your apartments and you’re studying or you’re on campus walking to class, he will always give you the biggest heart shaped smile and that in itself makes you smile, steadily having you fall for him without you even knowing.
Your days have gotten brighter and for the first time since you saw Sungho cheating on you, you feel whole. Hoseok treats you so well, it actually shocks you how long you managed to have gone without being treated in the way you deserve to be treated. Hoseok genuinely caring for you helped you heal, and you couldn’t be more thankful for that.
From the croissants, to the hand kisses, to even just being beside him, it feels like you’re his and he’s yours, and that nothing could possibly come in between you two and break you up.
Something that became a part of your daily life were your cafe meetings. It became so frequent over the course of the months after midterms that the cafe staff got accustomed to setting your order up at your usual table, because you and him would come through the doors at almost always the same time. He would always drive you home afterwards, and you two would linger in the car for a little bit, not wanting to leave but you ultimately leaving, only for the cycle to repeat the next day.
After months of this pass, you expect that this time would be no different. The car is filled with laughter while the beat of the music steadily flows in his car, his hand never leaving yours. He soon pulls up to your apartment complex and parks in an empty spot, putting the car in park and shutting it off.
You both sit in his car in the parking lot of your apartment building. It’s clear neither one of you wants to leave each other, your hands never leaving each other’s grasps. The car’s atmosphere has gone from a lively, bright atmosphere to something akin to anticipation- both of you are waiting for the undeniable spark between the two of you to start a fire and consume the both of you, it’s just a matter of who’s going to light the flame.
“I had fun tonight, Hobi,” you say, beaming at him. “Thank you for taking me out.”
“No problem at all, ____,” he says back with a smile of his own. “We should do something different next time, I’m worried you’re getting sick of croissants.”
“No way!” You exclaim. “I love those croissants so much, I could never get sick of them.” You bite your lip, pondering something before saying, “We could do a karaoke room, though. I could beat you, easy.”
“Is that so, baby girl?” he asks back in a jokingly challenging tone. You nod vigorously at his question and he smirks, leaning forward. “I don’t think you would be able to beat these pipes.
“I can sing,” you scoff. “You’ll hear it next time.”
“Mhm, sure,” he hums in a teasing way, and you roll your eyes at his sass but at the same time you can’t help but laugh.
You look at the time on the dashboard and feel sadness flit through your body when you realize it’s time to go. You pull your hand away from his and pull your bag onto your shoulder, but then decide to do something daring and totally not you.
You lean over the gear shift, closing your eyes and giving him the softest peck on his cheek before pulling away. You look and see that his eyes are wide, mouth slightly ajar. You blush at your actions, preparing to open the door of his car but he stops you, grabbing hold of your hand again.
“Hobi?” you ask in confusion. You squeak when he pulls you closer to his chest, and your eyes widen when he gently tilts your head to look up at him by tucking a hand under your chin.
“Baby,” he murmurs in a dulcet tone. You feel something beginning to stir in your body, the spark that’s waiting to be stoked into a flame flaring up again.
You don’t know who makes the first move, both of you leaning forward at the same time and capturing each other’s lips in a kiss. The hand under your chin moves down your face to your waist, attempting to pull you closer to him. Your own hands reach up to cup his face, and you can’t help but smile into the kiss. You feel a warm, giddy feeling spread through your veins, slowly getting drunk off of your first kiss with Hoseok.
He pulls away first, and gives you one of the most dazzling smiles, tucking your hair behind your ear. “____, I-”
“Do you wanna come up?” you interrupt him breathlessly, and he laughs, the sweet sound making your heart beat wildly in your chest.
“I thought you would never ask,” he replies cheekily.
On your way to your apartment, he’s the perfect gentleman- except when he presses you up against the wall of the elevator and steals your breath away with a fierce kiss that has you gasping. Even when you step into your room he’s a gentleman, helping you out of your jacket and sliding your flats and his own boots onto the shoe rack by your door.
The moment you step into your bedroom, however, you feel the sweltering heat that was in the space between you two consume your body, washing over your being and leaving you needy for more. Once Hoseok’s kisses start they never stop, his lips never leaving yours as his hands settle on your hips, gently guiding you onto your bed.
Your back lands on your mattress and Hoseok lands on top of you, his mouth leaving yours in favor of pressing kisses trailing from the corner of your lips to your chin. You whine at the feeling, legs spreading and back arching as your arms wind themselves around his neck; completely ready to give yourself to him when given the opportunity. His hands palm at the flesh of your thighs, sliding the skirt of your dress up your thighs and pulling your legs over his narrow hips. This causes the bulge in his pants to rub up against the fabric of your underwear, making you gasp.
He pulls away from your chin, smirking down at you devilishly. “Good, baby girl?”
You shiver at the raspiness of his voice, nodding fervently. He smiles at you for a quick moment before he returns his mouth back onto your jaw, slowly trailing his lips over the expanse before brushing them over the column on your neck. Your fingers tangle into his hair in a bid to ground yourself from the onslaught of pleasure you feel, causing you to accidentally tug on the strands as an accident.
You hear a growl rumble from his chest and you squeak, pulling your fingers away from his hair. His head rises from your neck and he gives you a confused look. “Why’d you pull away?”
You gulp, the already pink flush of your cheeks deepening at your embarrassment. “I thought I hurt you.”
At your admission he smiles softly, bending down and brushing his lips against yours. He pulls away and kisses the space between your eyebrow before saying, “It’s okay, it felt good. I’d let you know if it hurt.”
You nod at his words, though you bite your lip. You still feel unsure, what if you messed it up? What if you end up not being as good as he thought you to be? What if he ends up not enjoying the experienc-
“You’re thinking too much, baby.” His dulcet voice pulls you out of your head, and you look up at him. He gives you a long, languid kiss before pulling away again and looking at you with a serious expression. “If you want to stop, we can. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Your heart swells at his thoughtfulness, but the nervous feeling is swept away by the desire burning in your veins. You shake your head and lightly kiss the corner of his lip. “I want this, I’ve just...never done it before.”
His eyes widen at this, a crease forming in between his eyebrows. “Not even with your past relationship?”
You hum at, averting your eyes. “We would make out and I would maybe suck him off but he never made me...you know.”
“Cum?” he asks in disbelief. “That dumbass never made you cum?”
You bite your lip, before sighing deeply. “No,” you admit sheepishly.
The atmosphere stills in the room and Hoseok exhales sharply. “Idiot,” he mutters.
One of his hands suddenly slides under your chin, and your eyes widen when you see the sudden intense look on his face. “Say it,” he growls, and the low gravelly tone that colors his voice has your spine shivering. “Say that he wouldn’t make you cum.”
You sputter at this, cheeks burning. You bite your lip, wanting to repeat his words but feeling your tummy flip at even the prospect of saying that word. Hoseok notices your hesitation and begins pressing his lips against your neck, softly suckling at the soft skin. You sigh at the feeling, arching your back to push your body closer to his but his right hand suddenly pushes your hip down onto the bed, rendering you immobile.
“Hobi, what the- oh,” you suddenly moan when he bites down on your neck, sucking harder and causing you to wiggle under his touch in need. His tongue darts out to soothe the burn of the bite, peppering kisses all over the rapidly reddening mark before moving to another spot and repeating the process until you’re a writhing mess underneath him.
You feel yourself growing wetter under his ministrations and you whine in frustration, having enough of the game he’s playing at. “Fine! He never made me cum, please do something before I lose it Hobi!”
You hear something suspiciously close to a chuckle before he pulls away and steals a quick peck from your lips. His palms slide down your body towards the end of your dress and when he reaches the hem he hesitates, bunching the fabric in between his fingers. You prop yourself up on your forearms and look at him in confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to know this is okay, ____.” Hoseok says seriously. “I want to know that you want this.”
You push yourself upright so that you’re sitting up and, without hesitating, pull on his shirt and kiss him. Your palm presses against his wildly beating heart and his own hand slides on top of your own, squeezing your fingers gently as you pour every bit of want into the kiss as you can.
You pull away and smile shyly at him. “I want you more than you know, Hobi.”
In response he pulls your hand up to his mouth and kisses your knuckles, the affectionate gesture he always does making your heart flutter in your chest. His hands return to the hem of your skirt and he looks at you in question. You nod once and he slowly slides the fabric up your thighs, past your torso and over your head before tossing the garment into a corner of your bedroom and leaving you in the pretty underwear set you luckily had the foresight to put on.
And judging by the way Hoseok’s eyes glaze over, he loves it too.
“Beautiful,” he breathes out, and he’s pushing you gently so that you lay on the bed and your head rests on the pillows. He kisses you once again, hands slowly skimming up the sides of your body in a reverent way before making their way to your back.
His fingers clumsily connect with the clasp of your bra and he tugs, struggling to take off the garment. You giggle against his lips and he grumbles in embarrassment, tugging once again before finally undoing the clasp and slowly pulling the straps down your arms.
His hands cover the cups of the bra and he gently kneads your breasts, making you moan in need. You feel the smirk on his lips against your mouth before he pulls away, head tilting away slightly so he can look as your chest is exposed to him, and you feel your skin heat under his intense look and the almost animalistic growl that rumbles in his chest.
“So fucking pretty,” Hoseok grunts, and the unexpected compliment has you flushing further. You make a move to cover yourself out of shyness but his hands stop you, maneuvering your wrists so that your hands are above your head.
“Don’t move them baby, I wanna see you,” he orders. You whine at this command, nodding and trying your best to stay still. He caresses your cheek softly and he makes a move to return his hands to your chest, but he stops himself and smirks at you before pulling his own shirt over his head and making you gasp at the Greek god-esque body before you.
It’s like he’s been carved by the gods himself, his collarbones pronounced and build lean yet strong. Your eyes travel over his chest, past the faint lines of his abs but before your eyes can travel further down he stops you, palming at your breasts.
“Hobi-” you whine, and the tips of his fingers gently circle the areola before he pulls on your nipples, making you gasp and arch your back. Your hands move down in a bid to press his palms against your chest so he can keep going but before you can he slaps your tit, making you moan.
“Here’s the deal, baby girl,” he says with a hint of cockiness in his voice. “Move your hands, you won’t cum.”
“Hoseokiee,” you pout, extending the ending of his name. He chuckles at the neediness in your voice and he gladly obliges, returning his hands to your breasts and massaging, thumbing your nipples and making tiny zips of electricity travel up your spine. “More, please.”
He doesn’t respond, pinching lightly at your nipples and making you moan out in need. “Such pretty tits,” he sighs, pulling the sensitive buds and making you cry out at the burning pleasure you feel. “I could play with you forever, baby.”
“Ah- Hobi,” you whine, hands shaking but faithfully staying above your head. “More, please- I want more.”
“Mmm, my baby is a good girl huh?” he asks rhetorically. You nod feverishly and he smiles at you, though his eyes hold devilish promises in them. “Let me take care of you then.”
That’s all you get before he connects his lips against one of your nipples, swirling his tongue around the bud and sucking until you’re writhing underneath him and your nipple is red and shiny from his spit. He presses a kiss against the one he lavished in attention before he moves on to the other and gives it the same treatment, slowly driving you crazier and crazier until you’re whining, bucking your hips against his own. He gets the memo and moves from your chest, planting wet kisses against your skin and slowly traveling down until his face is in the space between your thighs.
He kisses your hip while his fingers slide under the band of your underwear, slowly sliding down the fabric. He watches in fascination as your core slowly unsticks from the gusset of your underwear, wet and puffy with need. He hurriedly pulls the fabric down your legs and throws the fabric behind his shoulder, all the while kissing your pubic mound and making his way to your slit.
You jolt when you feel his tongue dip slightly into your folds, letting out a whine and tightly gripping the pillow underneath your head to anchor your hands.
“Good girl,” he praises, and he’s leaning down and licking a long stripe up your core, making you moan at the new feeling. Little tingles of pleasure race up your spine and your fingers tremble, wanting to move your hands down to his head so bad but not wanting to disobey his order.
He finds your clit with ease and slowly traces the bud in one irritatingly slow circle, making you gasp and buck your hips up to his face. You feel his smirk against your core and that in itself makes you shiver, and it’s not long until he returns to lapping at your folds.
The hand that isn’t holding you down makes its way to your core, and you cry out when you feel his thumb replace his tongue on your clit. His tongue moves to your weeping core, circling your opening and moaning into you as he laps up your wetness.
He pulls away and presses a kiss to your clit, making you jolt. “So good, baby,” he murmurs appreciatively, and you feel yourself redden at his words. “Fuck, such a wet and needy pussy too...I wanna bury my cock in you, do you want that too?”
His fingers trace your weeping hole and you whine, frustrations mounting until you snap. “Hoseok, if you don’t do something I’m gonna kick you out,” you threaten breathlessly, mind slowly fogging with the pleasure he builds within the pit of your stomach.
He grins at this, pointer finger shallowly dipping into your opening. “Mmm, really baby girl? You gonna kick me out and take care of yourself?”
“If that’s what it- oh,” you suddenly moan when he slowly works his finger into your pussy, crooking his finger and wiggling it around until his finger finds the spot inside of you that makes you jolt. You gasp when he returns his lips to your throbbing clit, sucking on the little bud and making you moan.
“Shit, Hobi- don’t stop! Please don’t stop!” You begin to babble, and your hands move from your pillow to your body, squeezing your breasts and crying out as the knot in your stomach begins to tighten, slowly building up into the most intense climax you feel in the corner of your mind.
Hoseok looks up at your face, ministrations never ceasing as he takes in your pleasure induced state. He groans at the way your head turns from left to right as you cry out and how your hands grip your breasts. He feels his cock stir within his pants at this erotic sight of you and he presses his hips down into the mattress, moaning at the pressure and beginning to rut his hips up to create friction and giving himself pleasure too.
“Hobi, fuck-” you pant, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten further and further. “More please, I need more-”
“Fuck baby, you’re so hot,” he groans in response, and you barely have time to think before he’s wrapping his hands around your thighs and pulling you down flush against his mouth, lashing his tongue against your folds and making you wail out. His efforts have doubled and you feel yourself racing towards the edge, so close to your orgasm that you can taste it.
So caught up in your pleasure you barely notice how your hands have drifted down to Hoseok’s head, fingers sliding in between the silken strands of his hair and gripping tightly. He freezes slightly when he feels you pull on his head and he begins to slow his ministrations down until his tongue is barely moving.
You cry out at this, and your eyes snap open when you feel your climax begin to recede. “Hobi, what the fuck?” you pant out. “I was so close, please-”
“Your hands, baby girl,” he points out with a smirk and sinister glint in his eyes. “Remember what I said?”
In your lust induced state, you can barely remember your own name so how are you meant to remember his order? Your eyes widen when you suddenly recall his words though.
“Hobi, I’m sorry,” you whine. Your hands make a move to go back up to above your head but he stops you, grabbing hold of them and lacing your fingers together tightly.
“Mmm, you will be baby,” he grins slyly before returning his mouth back to your dripping pussy. You gasp out, writhing under his touch and feeling the pleasure return two fold.
You feel your orgasm just barely within grasp of your fingertips, hurtling closer and closer to the explosive end you feel. Your thighs shake on either side of Hoseok’s head, signalling to him that you’re close again and just before you can fall off of the edge, he pulls away once again.
You cry out when you register that you’re slowly being drawn back away from the edge, and you sob when the orgasm that was so close fully recedes, leaving you high and dry and aching for more. Hoseok’s right hand untangles itself from your grasp and returns to your core, where his thumb finds your clit and circles the bud in one slow movement. “Say sorry for moving your hands and maybe I’ll let you cum.”
Immediately, babbles of apologies spill from your lips as you dryly sob, apologizing and begging for him to let you cum. All the while, Hoseok hums and slowly traces your core with his fingers, letting his finger sink inside you for a little bit before slowly pulling away or gently laving at your clit before you finally choke out, “Hobi, please- fuck I’m sorry- please let me cum.”
“Good girl,” he praises, before he buries his face back in between your thighs and sucking on your clit, triggering the end that had been so cruelly ripped away from you two times before. You sob, back arching as you finally relax in his hold and cum on his tongue, hips bucking against his face. His fingers squeeze your own tightly as he gently licks at you, prolonging the sparks of ecstasy that are bursting throughout your entire body.
You slowly float down the high you had risen to, becoming aware of the soft kisses Hoseok peppers all over your inner thighs. You shiver when you feel the strands of his hair brush against your sensitive core and you whine for him, tugging on his hand in a bid to get him back up to your face. He laughs at your neediness yet gladly obliges, trailing kisses over your body until he reaches your face. He pulls the hand he’s holding to his mouth and presses a kiss against your knuckles before leaning over your face and slotting his lips against your own. You whine when you taste yourself on his lips and you wind your arms around his neck, pulling him down flush against your body.
The two of you stay in this position until you feel his bulge pressing against your inner thigh. You move your leg against it and he groans, pulling away. “Baby, you don’t have to-”
“I want this, I want you,” you swiftly interrupt, kissing the tip of his nose. His eyes darken at your words but he bites his lip, and you can see the clear hesitation on his face.
“Hobi,” you murmur. You press a kiss to his cheek and he closes his eyes. “I trust you.”
“I wanna take my time,” he exhales shakily. His eyes drift back open and you feel your heart swell at the tenderness in his gaze. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“And you won’t,” you reply tenderly, cupping the side of his face.
Hoseok beams at you, kissing you as he slides off his pants. He tosses his jeans somewhere in your room, pulling away to tear open the condom he had pulled out of his jeans. You prop yourself up on your forearms and watch as he tears open the packet, rolling the rubber over his long, hard length and wincing as he pumps himself once, twice, three times to get ready.
He catches your gaze on him and he winks, causing you to laugh at him. He chuckles back, sliding his body back over yours and kissing you again. This kiss feels different from the rest- it feels like he’s pouring every loving emotion into that kiss, and you reciprocate that feeling.
So caught up in his kiss, you don’t notice the tip of his cock prodding against your weeping hole until it penetrates you slightly, making you gasp at the slight pain. Your hands grab hold onto his shoulders, whimpering at the stinging sensation.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs softly, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Try to relax, okay? I’ll go slow for you.”
You nod. “Keep going,” you urge and he laughs at your enthusiasm, kissing your nose.
Inch by inch, he brings his hips forward. Your face scrunches as the stinging intensifies, and when he’s fully inside you’re gasping, nails digging slightly into his shoulder.
“It’s okay baby,” he says softly, kissing the tip of your nose as you pant, struggling to adjust to the feeling of his cock inside of you. “Take your time, I’ve got you.”
He pulls you into a kiss, and you whine as you feel him thrust slightly inside of you. There’s a pleasure that lies behind the pain, though, and you relish in the feeling of being so intimate with him.
Slowly, you get accustomed to the feeling of him inside of you. You wiggle your hips and clench experimentally, causing him to moan and buck his hips against yours. You cry out in response, back arching at the pleasure that shoots up your spine.
“Baby, don’t do that if you’re not ready because I’ll lose it if you do,” Hoseok says thickly, gritting his teeth.
“Move,” you beg. “I’m okay Hobi, move, please.”
He nods, kissing you as he begins to thrust inside of you. He starts off slow, speeding up gradually as you get used to his measured thrusts. His hips move fluidly, occasionally rolling and making you moan into his mouth.
The pleasure begins to get too much and you find yourself digging your nails into his shoulders, clawing at his skin and leaving red marks down his back as you slowly start to lose your grip on reality. He moans at the sting and his hands pull your legs around his thighs, keeping you as close to his body as possible.
You have never been this close to someone. Chest to chest, connected in the most intimate way possible. That dominant side you had seen earlier in Hoseok is gone, and all you see is the man that you’ve fallen in love with over the course of the months.
Hoseok catches your gaze, and his eyes soften before he kisses you again. The kiss alongside the rolling of his hips has you slowly approaching your end, the feeling overwhelming your senses and stealing your breath away.
Hoseok senses that you’re close by the tightening of your walls and he grunts, sliding his hand between your bodies and towards your pussy, finding your clit with ease and stroking the bud in languid strokes. “Are you close, baby?” He asks, and you nod, tears pricking your vision.
“Feels so good Hobi,” you slur, mind slowly being taken over by the pleasure. “I wanna cum, please-”
With a well placed thrust of his hips and a last stroke to your clit, “Cum,” he orders gently.
You obey his command, back arching and crying out as you tighten around his cock, beginning to cum. Your nails scratch down his back, struggling to find something to anchor you against the waves of pleasure you feel. Hoseok groans at the stinging scratches your nails leave behind, continuously thrusting his hips and rubbing at your clit, which prolongs your orgasm and leaves you dizzy, gasping for air.
The tightening of your walls and the sight of you so blissed out underneath him has Hoseok moaning, his thrusts turning sloppy until he cums in the condom, collapsing on top of you. His lips find yours and you reciprocate his kiss with the same enthusiasm he gives you. He uses the distraction to pull out slowly, causing you to wince and for him to kiss your cheek in apology. He takes off the condom and ties end before sliding it back into the wrapper, standing up briefly to dispose of it.
You watch him sleepily, surprise jolting you awake when he begins to pull on his boxers. “Don’t go,” you murmur sleepily, and your words have him smiling softly at you.
“I won’t,” he replies, sliding back into your bed with you. He pulls the comforter over your bodies before wrapping you in his embrace, tucking your head under his chin.
You don’t register much, tiredness overtaking your body. He strokes your hair, humming something softly under his breath as you slowly begin to drift to sleep.
The last thing you register is a soft whisper and a kiss to your forehead before sleep overtakes your body.
When you wake up, the other side of your bed is cold.
You flop onto your stomach, seeking the warmth of Hoseok only to find the indentation of where he laid yesterday, and when you feel this subtle dip in the bed you blush at the memories of how he held you in his arms and made you tremble under his touch.
You slowly sit up on your bed and clutch your blanket against your chest as you hazily smile, rubbing your eyes and blearily looking around for any sign of him. You frown when you don’t see his clothes strewn about on the floor or his phone on your bedside table. You chalk it up to him just being in your living room so you pull your blanket over your shoulders and force yourself out of your bed. You wince at the slight soreness between your thighs but that sting is drowned out by the rapidly mounting confusion that’s building.
“Hobi?” you call out, hoping to hear his response. You’re sorely disappointed, however, when silence greets you.
You gnaw at your lip, wondering exactly why he wasn’t here. Maybe he was picking up breakfast pastries from the cafe you two frequented? Maybe there was an emergency at his own apartment? There must be some logical explanation to this.
“Or maybe,” the ugly voice in your head taunts, “he thinks it was a mistake.”
You shiver at that thought, shaking your head desperately and pulling yourself out of that gnarled, dark place. You decide in that moment that maybe he just needed to do something and he had to leave in a rush, which you can understand. You make the decision to take a shower and go to the cafe, craving one of the strawberry croissants Hoseok introduced you to.
Throughout your entire routine of getting ready, you find yourself glancing at your phone, hoping for any sort of text from Hobi. The pit in your stomach slowly tightens until there’s this horrible feeling of dread and foreboding and you just can’t help but feel something horrible is going to happen, but you keep pushing that thought to the side.
You’re just way too into your head, nothing is going to go wrong.
As you’re getting dressed, you spot the soft crewneck he was wearing yesterday on the side table by your couch. You purse your lips, weighing the pros and cons of wearing his clothes until you decide that it wouldn’t kill you to wear it. He’s let you wear some of his clothes before, what would be so different about this instance?
You pull the sweater over your head, inhaling his scent and smiling softly to yourself. You never thought that something as small as a sweater would bring you that much joy, but with Hoseok every little thing about him made you happy.
He makes you happy, the happiest you’ve felt in a long while.
Before you know it, you’re out of the door of your apartment, clunky boots pounding on the concrete as you rush to catch the bus to Yonsei. You barely squeeze through the doors and you let out a sigh of relief when the shuttle bus that travels to campus lets you on, tucking your hair behind your ear and catching your breath.
You soon arrive on campus and you step off of the bus, gravitating towards the direction of the cafe. You pop your headphones into your ears as you begin to walk towards the walkway that leads to the entrance, but before you can press play on your playlist you hear voices slowly raising with an argument.
Normally, you would ignore whoever was arguing, choosing to give them privacy. This time would have been no different, except when you look up you see that it’s Eunji and Hoseok talking. You feel yourself drop the earbud in your hand and you barely register your movements, walking towards them before stopping yourself and standing a couple feet back.
It’s clear that you caught them in the height of their argument, voices getting angrier and hand gestures becoming wilder. You don’t mean to eavesdrop, you really don’t, but once you hear your name mentioned, you can’t stop listening.
“Why are you even dating ____, Hoseok?” Eunji asks in an annoyed, bitter tone. “What does she have that I don’t? Charm, brains, charisma? What is it, Hoseok?”
“Eunji,” he replies with a frustrated sigh. She cuts him off, however, as she continues on with her tirade.
“Well, Hoseok? We were the perfect couple, and I really regret sleeping with Sungho because you were just better but you seem to be hesitating.” Eunji steps closer, and you feel yourself gulp at the sight of her raising her hands to Hoseok’s face and cupping his cheeks gently. “Don’t you love me, Hobi?”
At the use of the nickname you feel your heart begin to crack.
Hobi, Hobi, Hobi.
He said no one used that nickname, only reserved for his closest friends and family. Apparently not even Eunji used it, but you guess he was lying about that one.
You see his shoulders loosen slightly at her touch, and you feel the knot in your stomach tighten further. No matter how much you try to get yourself away from the sight though, you can’t seem to pull away from the sight of Hoseok and Eunji so close to each other.
The dread in the pit of your stomach is reaching its breaking point, and you know you have to get away before you see anything that would completely ruin you.
That thought turns out to be futile, however, when you see Eunji push herself up on her tiptoes and press her lips against Hoseok’s, her eyes slowly sinking shut. The cracks in your heart deepen at this sight, and you think that it can’t get any worse than this.
But you’re oh so wrong. You see Hoseok’s palms cup Eunji’s hands and all of a sudden you feel your heart splintering in your chest, completely breaking and falling apart at the sight of the two of them kissing.
Hoseok’s hands pull Eunji’s hands away from his face. Eunji opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is you, and her lips turn up in a soft smirk. She points at you and Hoseok turns around, eyes widening and face paling. He yanks his hands away from Eunji, taking steps towards you but you shake your head, turning on your heels and heading towards the direction of the bus stop.
You can’t handle seeing him, not with your hearts rapidly shattering in your chest.
“____!” He calls out desperately. You weave in and out of the crowd, wiping at the beginnings of your tears and trying to put as much distance between you and him, but you freeze when you feel his hand grab at yours.
You yank your arm away as if you had been burned and turn around, not prepared to see Hoseok showing this much emotion in front of you. He’s wringing his hands and in his eyes there’s a look of pure agony but you can’t bring yourself to care, not when your own sadness and pain is overwhelming.
“____,” he rasps, hands reaching out to try and hold onto you. You gasp at his movement, maneuvering your body out of his reach. His eyes flash with hurt before he composes himself, although you see the tremble of his bottom lip.
“Please listen to me, ____.” Hoseok begins, bringing a hand up to his hair and running his fingers through the locks in a show of frustration. “That moment with Eunji, it meant nothing. She means nothing to me.”
“And what am I to you?” you choke out, not trying to hide the cracking in your voice. “Just the co-conspirator of our revenge plot? A rebound to get over your perfect ex-girlfriend? What was I to you during this entire time, Hoseok?”
He flounders at this before he gathers his emotions, and you pinpoint the exact moment you lose your Hobi, the Hoseok you’d fallen in love with over the course of this entire stupid plan. He stops wringing his hands, balling them into fists at his side and he replaces the feelings on his face in favor of a mask of indifference, reverting back to the Hoseok you had first met all those months ago at the Broken Hearts Club table.
And you don’t know why, but seeing this happen right in front of your eyes has your already broken heart breaking even more.
“Don’t tell me you actually fell in love with me when we agreed not to,” he instead states coolly. You see his eyes flash momentarily at the word “love” but he continues his thought, his eyebrows beginning to furrow. “We made a deal to get back at our exes and to not fall in love in the process, do you not remember that ____?”
“Of course I remember that!” You cry out weakly, tears beginning to mist your vision. “I can’t help my emotions, Hoseok, you can’t blame me for that!”
“Then I’m gonna do what’s right and blame you for having feelings for me when we agreed not to have any sort of emotion for each other in the first place,” he sneers. “You shouldn’t have fallen for me, that’s on you.”
You give up the reign of your emotions, tears finally falling down your face as you feel your shoulders shake. He stops his tirade and his eyes widen at the realization of hurting you, but by then it’s too late.
“And don’t you remember, Hoseok?” you croak out brokenly. “We made a promise to each other. We promised each other we would never hurt each other and break each other’s hearts. Do you remember that, or did you conveniently forget?”
“____,” he begins, but you hold your hand up, stopping his thoughts.
“Sungho...he may have damaged my heart, made it crack just a little bit.” Your voice trembles and you swallow thickly, looking up at him and into his eyes directly. You notice the slight shine of tears in his eyes but you can’t bring yourself to care, not right now.
“But you...you took my heart in your hands and held it so gently before you crushed it between your fists.” At your statement he opens his mouth but you hold your hand up, silencing him. “And if I’m gonna compare situations, I’m going to say that this hurts worse than what Sungho did to me a couple of months back, so please forgive me for falling in love with you because I can’t forgive me for allowing myself to fall twice and giving my trust to someone I love only to get hurt over and over again.”
You barely give him time to process your words before you’re turning away and running for the bus, not able to summon the strength to turn back and see if he follows you.
And judging by the lack of footsteps behind you, you have your answer.
You squeeze yourself back on the bus, trying desperately to keep your tears at bay. It’s only when you enter your apartment you collapse against your front door, tears falling in constant rivulets until you can’t take it anymore.
You start to sob helplessly into the sleeves of Hoseok’s sweater, elbows against your knees. And through it all, you can only think of wanting Hoseok’s arms around you, comforting you while whispering the words he said so long ago at the cafe:
“And I promise to you that I’m never going to break your heart, and that I’ll never hurt you.”
You know you can’t go back to him, though, no matter the situation.
And so you sit on the floor of your apartment, weeping from the agony of your shattered heart and the painful realization that everything between you and Hoseok had meant nothing to him while meaning everything to you.
You don’t sit at the Broken Hearts Club table this second time around, but even if you did it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Everyone knows what has gone down between you and Hoseok, and no table could ever save you from the waves of pity that surround you.
To their credit Taehyung, Jimin, and Taehyung’s girlfriend had offered to beat Hoseok up. You had only shook your head and given them a small half smile, standing up from the usual lunch table you share and excusing yourself before briskly walking to the library. You ignore every stare, every gasp, every pitying whisper of “Poor girl,” choosing to take the stairs and climb to the highest floor Yonsei University’s library had to offer before settling on a table far away from prying eyes.
And that’s where you’ve been eating and hiding for the past couple of days. You take solace in the quiet, plugging your headphones in and blasting classical music while you drown yourself in finals prep work. You chant the mantra “Degrees over dick,” in an effort to make yourself feel better, but you know it’s just a temporary distraction from the steadily throbbing pain at the spot in your chest where your heart used to beat.
And the absolute shittiest part is that you just want Hoseok with you. You want to watch when his brows furrow and lips purse when he’s thinking deeply about an essay prompt, and you want to crack a purposefully dumb joke just to hear his laughter. You miss the way when he would glance away quickly when you look up at him, and also when your hands would muddle together when he hands you your croissant- egg and cheese or strawberry.
And worst of all, you miss when he would randomly grab hold of your hand, leaning down to give a soft peck of his lips against your knuckles before pulling away and pretending as if he didn’t kiss you in the first place.
Instead you’re stuck in this quiet part of the library, pretending to study for your finals but actually forced to relive the moments that made you happiest in the hour of your darkest torments.
You sigh, tears welling up in your eyes and you place your pencil on your notebook, ducking your head down and burrowing your face into your arms as you let the tears stream down your face. There’s almost a sense of deja vu- this journey started with your head down crying at the Broken Hearts Club table and it’s ending with your head down at a table crying.
You can practically hear footsteps approaching the table, too.
You gasp, your head shooting up to see who it was who said your name.
Only to deflate when you see that it’s Sungho.
A bitter, acrid taste begins to fill your mouth at the sight of him, ire slowly spreading a fire through your veins. You realize in that moment that you hate him and that he’s one of the biggest sources of your pain- the reason why this whole shit show started.
“What?” you snap, and Sungho visibly flinches at this sight of you so angry.
“Are you okay?” he asks, and you roll your eyes.
“I’m fine and dandy!” you reply back sarcastically. “Sat in this library alone, crying over a shit ton of hurt that started because you cheated on me. So, kindly: leave me alone.”
Sungho sighs, and despite being told to leave you alone he sits down in the chair across from you. You groan in frustration, running your fingers through your hair and considering just stabbing him with your pencil.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness-” Sungho begins, but you cut him off swiftly with a laugh.
“Forgiveness? Sungho, you treated me like shit. You cheated on me- what am I supposed to think?” you nearly, and the hurt is clear in your tone by the way Sungho winces.
“I know,” he sighs, conceding to the fact that he’s a huge dick. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry, and I really hope things work out with Hoseok.”
Even the mention of Hoseok stings your heart. You sigh, and you don’t know why but you feel the need to come clean to him and tell him that it was fake. “It wasn’t real...we got together to get back at you and Eunji for cheating on us. And uh, they kissed so I’m kind of back where I started.”
Strangely enough, Sungho smiles at you and shakes his head. “You never saw it, huh?”
You look at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Sungho looks at you, and for the first time since you first started dating him you see kindness in his eyes. “Whenever you and Hoseok were on campus and would pass by, I would always try and get a glimpse of you. You always turned away, but I would always see the smile you had on whenever Hoseok was around...he made you so happy. You never smiled like that when we were a thing.” Sungho chuckles, shaking his head. “And Hoseok, you know how he has that reputation of never smiling, keeping that cold facade?”
You nod, frowning slightly at the thought of Hoseok before you two got together. Cold and distant, almost impenetrable. It hurt seeing him like that.
Sungho disrupts your thoughts. “You would never see it because you would turn away, but he would always smile at you. The softest smile I had ever seen from him...like you were the best thing that ever happened to him.”
You feel tears brim at that one. You never knew that he looked at you like that. Knowing that fact just makes the loss more painful.
“Why are you telling me this?” you blurt out, and Sungho shrugs.
“You deserve good things in your life, ____,” he says, as if it’s the clearest thing in the whole world. “I couldn’t give you that, but Hoseok could. I know it hurts but you should try again with him.”
His words render you speechless, and you blink owlishly at him. “That’s the nicest thing you said to me, Sungho.”
He laughs at this. “No sweat. Just...I wish you and Hoseok the best of luck. You both deserve good things in your lives and that relationship really suited the both of you, regardless of whatever Eunji thinks.” He winces when he says her name, shaking his head. “Speaking of, I should go over to her.”
“You do know she kissed Hoseok, right?” you ask him, and he nods.
“Someone has to deal with her,” he says, and despite the joking tone there’s an undercurrent of sadness to his voice. “Well, I’ll leave you. Good luck to you and Hoseok.”
And with that he leaves, leaving you reeling at his words.
Once your break starts, the rumors and whispers stop.
And you don’t know why, but you miss the whispers. It kept you out of your head and away from the nasty thoughts dwelling in your brain. Now that you had nothing to study for and you had no reason to be on campus, you find yourself living through all of the good and bad you had experienced with Hoseok, and you’re slowly growing sick of being tormented by the memory of him.
You don’t understand why you just couldn’t accept the fact that it would have never worked out between you and him. Your brain very logically understands that you have to face the outcome and suck up the shit. The pieces of your heart, though, cry out against this and hold onto hope that he’ll come and apologize, that you two can try again and things will work out between you two.
So you’ve taken to ignoring both your head and heart, shutting down and pushing those feelings aside.
It works for the most part. You’re able to get things done like tidy your apartment and sort through paperwork, but some things are stronger than your head and your heart and they inevitably find their way back to your attention.
Like the strawberry croissant from the cafe. You hadn’t had the courage to step into that cafe ever since things went down, but you find that your craving for them has intensified tenfold. You were able to push it aside but now? You just want to taste it so bad, damn the memories associated with the place and food.
And you deserve to have good things in your life.
Your resolve settles, and before you know it you’re walking to the bus stop that travels to campus. Once you step off, you make your way over to the cafe, politely pushing your way through the throng of students who decided to take summer courses and the international students who decided to do a study abroad. You soon stand in front of the entrance and you reach out to open the handle, but something stops you and you pause, hesitating to open the door.
What if he’s there?
You bite your lip, stomach sinking at the thought of having to face him again. It scares the living daylights out of you; the possibility of confrontation. You don’t know if you’re ready to face him or even be within his immediate vicinity.
You immediately begin second guessing going in but the thought of eating a strawberry croissant after so long stops you, and you decide to just go in and get the damn croissant so you don’t have to come back for a while.
The cafe is just as home-y as you remember, but the memories associated with the place has your perception of the place turning sour. It’s still not as busy as it should be but that gives you comfort, because it means that he shouldn’t be around here.
You feel your bravado sink, however, when you see Namjoon working the counter.
And judging by the way his eyes widen in shock when he sees you, it’s too late to turn back.
“____!” he calls, and you force a smile on your face as you stiffly walk over to the cashier. Namjoon gives you the same warm smile you’re accustomed to, but there’s a hint of sadness and knowing in his eyes. Seeing him fills you with comfort though; you trust Namjoon not to tell him that you were here.
“Hey Namjoon,” you greet softly. An awkward silence soon fills the air but Namjoon is quick to fill it.
“The usual? Matcha latte and strawberry croissant?” He offers, and you nod your head.
“Yes please,” you reply, pulling your wallet out and handing him your card. “I had a craving so I just wanted to stop by and get one, it’s been a while.”
Namjoon nods at this, punching your order into the register. “Is it prying if I ask if you’re doing okay?”
Normally, you would just deflect the question. You trust him though, so you answer truthfully. “No,” you admit, still waiting for him to take your card. “I miss him, so much. But I’ve come to realize that nothing was going to come out of that relationship so I just need to accept that fact and move on.”
Namjoon hums at this, waving aside your card and instead handing your receipt to you. “It’s on me today, just choose a table.”
You express your thanks, moving towards the table but you pause, turning back to Namjoon slowly. He looks at you with questions written all over his face, clearly waiting for your question.
“How is he doing?” You ask, gnawing on your lip and twiddling with your fingers. Namjoon’s eyes soften at your clear anxiety; it’s clear to him that you still care for Hoseok so much, and it hurts Namjoon seeing both you and him so distraught over this.
“Like shit,” he answers truthfully. You feel yours eyes glaze over with tears and a hurt inside of you flares; knowing that Hoseok is hurting just as much as you are has your heart crying out for him but the pain in your chest has you stopping at the thought of seeing him. Namjoon continues on at your silence, saying “He knows it’s his fault, and he knows the last thing you want is to see him so he granted you that. He’s been in his apartment but when the aftermath was first happening he would come by the cafe everyday to see if you’d visit. He wanted to apologize but you never showed up, so he stopped coming. Said something about the cafe holding too many good memories that he doesn’t deserve. He hasn’t come by since.”
You exhale shakily at this revelation, partly in relief but also in sadness. Relief because there’s no chance he would come while you were here, sadness because of how he’s been faring.
Still, you need to trust Namjoon that he won’t tell Hoseok that you’ve been here. You express exactly that, and you see Namjoon’s eyes flash with...something, but before you can decipher it that flicker is gone. “Got it,” he says, his voice wavering slightly at the end. “He won’t know, I got you, ____.”
You highly doubt that, especially with how nervous he suddenly became. Nevertheless, you give him your thanks and make your way mindlessly to a table, only to pause when you see that it’s the table you and Hoseok would always sit at.
Seeing the setting almost has the effect of being outside looking in on something private; all of the conversations had, croissants shared, laughter around the both of you- it almost feels like you’re a stranger to this, like you’re seeing it happen live when realistically, all of those things happened to you and him. It brings a bitter taste to your tongue, all of those memories soured by what happened.
It shouldn’t matter if you sat here though, for old time’s sake. It’s just a table, after all.
Except when you sit down, you know that it’s far from that case.
The table feels wider, the space underneath it emptier because you don’t have Hoseok’s feet to kick around jokingly. The table isn’t filled with various pastries and your favorite drinks. Most importantly, the chair in front of you is void of the presence you had come to know and love so much, and that emptiness has you aching all over again, like the first time you saw her kiss him.
You’re so sick of being the one broken hearted.
You sigh as you feel the pain in your chest stir, but no tears surprisingly surface. Either you’re all cried out from the past couple of weeks or you’re just so numb to the point that you’re used to it, but regardless, you’re glad you don’t cry. You’ve had enough of crying at tables with your head down to last you a lifetime.
You perk up at the sound of footsteps approaching the table and you turn around, expecting to see Namjoon holding your croissant in one hand and your latte in the other.
You never anticipate seeing Hoseok standing behind you, looking as shocked as you feel.
You feel your body sing at the sight of him in the flesh after being away from him for so long. That slowly dissipates when you notice just how tired he is; his hair is unkempt and his eyes have shadows underneath them. Just the thought of seeing him, however, simultaneously relieves the pressure in your chest and causes your stomach to sink.
“____,” he breathes out, and hearing your name leave his lips has you exhaling shakily.
“Hi,” you squeak back.
Footsteps behind the both of you interrupt your moment, and you sigh when you see Namjoon holding your croissant and matcha latte, looking as shocked as both you and Hoseok.
“I swear I didn’t tell him,” Namjoon blurts out, looking at you nervously. You flash a smile at him, though.
“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “Just put it on the table, please.”
You turn back around as Namjoon places your dishes on the table before walking away. You turn back around when Hoseok doesn’t sit down in front of you, and you look at him curiously when he stays frozen at the spot he’s standing on.
“Come sit,” you say quietly. “We should talk.”
He blinks, slowly registering your words until he understands, moving to sit in front of you. Seeing him in the spot you always associated with him has you reeling- your heart is replaying all of the past memories but your head is reminding you of the pain from the last couple of weeks. There’s a dissonance that runs throughout your body at this sight of him so close to you but your hearts so far away.
Silence consumes the area, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Your croissant slowly deflates and your matcha latte grows cold, so you decide that it’s time that you talk this through so you can both move on from your lives and each other.
“I need to tell you something,” Hoseok says, his voice interrupting your thoughts. You blink and he rubs the back of his head sheepishly when he realizes he cut you off but you shrug, gesturing for him to continue.
“I wanna start off by saying I’m sorry,” he begins seriously. “I know what you saw was horrible, but I need you to know that kiss meant nothing to me, absolutely nothing. Eunji came up and draped herself all over me, I kept pushing her off because I wanted to stop here and pick up breakfast for us to eat, but she picked that argument and next thing I knew she was kissing me. I was making a move to pull her off but by then you had seen and….I hurt you.”
You exhale shakily, these confessions confirming everything you had thought that fateful day. He really was just going to pick up croissants- nothing more, nothing less. He had every good intention in mind and seeing how everything turned out after that day just makes your heart sink.
There’s one question occupying the back of your mind, though, so you decide to ask it. “So that night...you don’t regret it?”
Hoseok’s eyes soften at this, and he shakes his head. “I don’t. I could never regret it, I was hoping that night would lead to more but then...”
You nod, suddenly unable to keep eye contact with him. These revelations are crushing and his admissions leave you breathless, body yearning for what could have been. You both could have been going on dates a long time ago, eating food and challenging each other at a karaoke bar.
Instead you’re both sitting at a table with the fragments of your relationship, having to clean up the mess that lays between the both of you.
“Hoseok,” you begin, tracing the rim of the plate your uneaten croissant sits on. “While I want to believe everything you’re saying, I just can’t. You said some really hurtful things out there...I wasn’t kidding when I said it felt like you crushed my heart. There’s this constant pain and I just...I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
Hoseok physically deflates at this, but his face holds nothing but understanding. “I get it. I was a dick to you and you deserved none of that, I’m so sorry.”
Tears prick at the corner of your eyes, chest fluttering at his genuine apology. You blink your tears away and nod. “Thank you, Hoseok.”
Silence fills the space between you two once again, and you stare at the now sad, limp dessert. You push the plate away from you, standing up. “I think I should go.”
You don’t think, standing up from your chair and bowing hastily before making your way out of the cafe, stepping outside of the building. You don’t make it very far though, because Hoseok stops you and turns you around to look at him.
“I wasn’t finished,” he says, chest heaving from chasing after you.
“I don’t know,” you reply, staring down at your shoes. “You seemed pretty done.”
Hoseok sighs, running his hands through your hair. “Sit down with me, please.”
You shake your head, still unable to look at him. “You can say it here. I’ve had enough of sitting at tables and crying to last a year.”
Despite the tension he laughs, and you can’t help but crack a small smile at the sound. You had missed that noise. “Remember when we first came here, and Namjoon was teasing me about you?”
You nod, smiling softly at the memory. “You promised that you would tell me what you told him if I just ate my croissant, so I did.”
Hoseok nods earnestly at this. “That’s what I want to tell you.”
You cross your arms, gesturing for him to continue. He breathes out before he rushes, “Ikindoffellinlovewithyou.”
“Excuse me?” You respond, not quite able to believe the words that come out of his mouth.
He looks down, and for the first time since you’ve met him he looks genuinely scared. Because of your reaction or his admission, you don’t know. But you see him physically steel himself before looking up at you and saying with nothing but certainty, “I had never felt anything like that for a person before, not even Eunji. I know we were meant to fake date but I just fell for you.” He scoffs at this, rolling his eyes to hide the glaze of tears. “Kind of hypocritical of me, right?”
“Hoseok, you know we can’t,” you say, tears beginning to blur your vision. So much for running out of tears. “I care about you so much but...I don’t know if this is healthy for the both of us.”
He swallows thickly, looking crestfallen at your words but accepting them all the same. “Is there any way we could try again? We don’t even need to date, you don’t have to accept. I just want to try again.”
“That’s it?” you ask. The thought of being just friends hurts. There were too many feelings for him swirling throughout your entire body, you couldn’t just be friends with him.
Maybe that’s why you two failed in the first place. Maybe that’s why the both of you got hurt; maybe because you went into this fake relationship with wounds from the last relationship that never fully healed.
Maybe that’s what you both need; to be friends.
You feel the resolve settle in your chest, and for the first time it feels like your heart is slowly healing.
“Friends?” You ask, holding out your hand.
Hoseok looks at you and nods, grasping your hand and shaking firmly twice. “Friends.”
And for the first time in a while, you feel the pieces of your heart mend.
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