#the bad news is that i know literally nothing about what procedure it is. what the risks are. if it's covered by OHIP. etc

[storiesofsvu]

Solace In Solitude Ch 4

Warnings: language, medical talk, mentions of trauma/Lauren episode. Medical injury, panic attacks/generalized anxiety. Very likely inaccurate information about DWB and medical procedures. I'm literally making things up as I go along. don't come for me. Also note that this is one of those chapters where it's little events over the passage of time so the ** means that it's a new day/few more days later kinda thing. Apologies for taking so much time between chapters on this and posting in general, being out of town really threw my entire week and vibe off and I hate it. Hopefully this will kick start me back to where I want to be lol

Emily was honestly surprised when she didn’t see you at all over the next two days, she heard your name a couple of times but nothing about you being in the hospital. She found that without you around she felt a little more obligated to actually do what you’d asked, as if she was a school kid doing extra credit on spring break, that if she had done it by the time you’d gotten back she’d get a gold star. When it felt like you were breathing over her shoulder it just made her less motivated, as if she was about to do it and then you’d ask about it and she’d immediately shut down and wasn’t going to do it any longer. She was doing it for herself, not for you.

She was whisked away one afternoon for a quick procedure, another doctor redoing the irritated stitches on her back and she was reminded once again to start being a little more active. Somehow she took that advice a little closer to heart, making it to the nurses station and back twice during the rest of the afternoon. Now that she was moving around a bit more her appetite was increased, each meal finished almost in its entirety and the nurses praised her level of hydration. She still didn’t like her required walks, she found there were too many people around, too many doctors watching out of the corner of their eyes, nurses badgering her if she needed anything or wanted to check out PT, families there to visit others who just stared. After one of her first walks she retreated back to her room and refused to get out of the bed the rest of the day.

It was later that night that she found just how empty the hospital got after dark. Hallways basically cleared, the rooms quiet, lights dimmed, windows that she could actually see the stars through. Emily actually started to enjoy those walks, something about them was calming, knowing that this time was hers only, that the city was asleep, she felt safe. She didn’t feel ashamed about how slow she was moving, how many breaks she had to take or something trivial like how bad her hair looked when she walked at night with no one to witness. Going to PT could still eat a bag of dicks though.

She was honestly starting to think that the little outburst between the two of you had been enough to make you throw in the towel, and she didn’t blame you either. She’d been incredibly stubborn, she always was and her realizing this wasn’t about to make her stop, she just wouldn’t judge you for giving up on her. She was used to it by now, it wasn’t like you were the only one who had done so.

She’d spent a good chunk of the night wandering through the hospital, taking breaks whenever she needed, she found a particularly nice windowsill up on the fourth floor and made a mental note to bring a book with her the next night. She just felt more alive at night, the darkness hid everything, hid her past, her secrets, her shame and guilt about everything that had happened. It was only when the building began to come alive that she let out a huff, returning to her room, surprising herself when she fell asleep instantly.

**

By the time Emily woke up it was nearing noon, sun streaming in through the open blinds, warming the room from the cool spring morning. She shifted slightly in the bed, stretching out a couple of tense muscles as she blinked her eyes open, glancing around the room. It was no surprise that her breakfast was left on the rolling table, ready and waiting for whenever she was awake, this had been a daily occurrence. It was just more often than not that she woke up when they did morning rounds, she was assuming her night crawling of the hospital had her conked out heavier than normal. She rolled her head to the other direction to look out the window when her brows furrowed at the sight of you on the small couch in the corner. You had what looked like a textbook in your lap, a pile of charts on one side and a notebook on the other, pen in your hand, highlighter in the top pocket of your scrubs. At first she was surprised you hadn’t jumped to attention the moment she moved and then she noticed your earphones. She pushed herself up to sitting but even that movement didn’t catch your eye, so she picked up an empty paper cup from the side table, crumpling it up and hucking it in your direction. You jumped, glancing up as you pulled out one earphone and then the other.

“Seriously? We’re resorting to throwing things at one another now?”

“Why are you in my room?”

“It’s quieter than the nurses station.” You shrugged, going back to the book, “I was in here a lot while you were still comatose. It’s easier to focus when you can actually hear your brain.” You mumbled, letting out a little sigh, flipping a page.

Emily didn’t say anything in return, not that you were expecting much. Instead she studied you, the profiler gears in her brain beginning to turn once again. You looked about as tired as she felt, but it wasn’t slow blinks or bags under your eyes, it was the dejection wafting off you, the way your shoulders hunched forward and you were curled around yourself like you were admitting defeat, like you were trying to comfort yourself. She could tell that your eyes were scanning the text but you weren’t absorbing anything, maybe it was because now she was awake and you were aware of her watching you but she was pretty sure that wasn’t it. There was something eating at you, something that was pulling you away from swiping traumas and surgeries from down in the ER for a more isolated day in the one place where no one would want to come looking for you.

“What’s with you today?” She suddenly asked, almost kicking herself instantly at the way she worded the question. Sure, she didn’t really care but she could’ve been a little more civil, if she pissed you off you did have the authority to prod at her with needles.

“Hmm?” You hadn’t even glanced up from the book.

“You seem…off.”

This time you let out another tired sigh, flipping the book shut and tossing it off to the side, “it’s my younger sister’s thirtieth today. We always do a girl’s trip for her birthday and considering it’s a milestone year we were supposed to be doing a big one.”

“What’s stopping you?” She asked, her brow scrunching as she reached out to her breakfast and you vaguely gestured around the room. “You use up all your vacation days already?”

“No.” You practically snorted, “but I can’t exactly take enough time off.”

“Then have her fly out here?” Emily suggested and your eyes narrowed in her direction, wondering why she was technically trying to help you out right now.

“You can’t get rid of me that easy you know.” You pulled her chart from the pile beside you, “besides, my family thinks I’m in Haiti.” Your eyes were skimming through the updates in her chart as she studied you for a moment longer.

“Why?”

“It was where I did my longest posting for Doctors Without Borders, I liked it the best and it was the one I was the busiest and most unreachable. It was the most believable cover so any friends and family wouldn’t wonder why I seemed to disappear off the face of the earth.”

“Oh…” She paused for a moment, picking apart the pastry in front of her, slowly chewing on a couple of pieces, “I didn’t realize Borders had a program here.”

“They don’t.” You replied dryly, not looking up, “at least not in the city. There’s a couple of programs out in the suburbs, lots of work helping refugees.”

“Is that where you were the last couple of days?” She asked and the pen in your hand stalled and you finally looked up at her.

“What?”

“You haven’t been around for a bit,” she shrugged, popping another bite of food into her mouth.

“I’m not with Borders right now. The US government is paying my salary, when I said I was from Boston I meant that’s where I live, it’s where I had a very comfortable job that I loved and had just started doing research for a clinical trial so I could get a grant for it. Then I essentially signed a verbal NDA saying I wouldn’t tell anyone where I was or what I was doing for your safety and I didn’t have a choice in the matter.” You flipped the chart closed, standing from the couch, “so how about you cooperate for once and lean forward so I can check those new stitches.”

Emily felt a twinge of guilt creep through her at your admission, dropping the pastry back onto her plate so she could shift upwards and you could do what you needed to. She’d been so wrapped up in her own situation she’d just figured you’d either volunteered or were on a separate contract or something. She was slowly realizing that maybe you’d been thrown into this new life as much as she had.

You pulled on a pair of gloves, lifting up her shirt so you could examine the newly done work, gently touching a couple of them, “looks good. Plastics knows what they’re doing.” You let out a sigh, dropping her shirt back down, “I’m glad your appetite’s back, and clearly you’ve been moving around a bit more.”

“Guess you could say I got a little antsy staying in bed all the time.”

“Good.” Crossing back to the couch you started to pick up all your things, “now get your ass down to PT, I’m booking it for you on Wednesday.”

“Oh come on!” Emily groaned, slipping right back into the dynamic of her being insanely frustrated with this place, you, herself, “I was up walking the entire floor the last couple of days, isn’t that enough?”

“No.” You stated blankly, turning back to her from the door, “you’ve got muscles in your abdomen that need restrengthening. Not to mention your mobility, you’ll go to do something you’ve always been able to do and find that you can’t do it now or it’s gonna hurt like hell. You need to be cleared for at home PT before you get discharged.” You pulled the door open, “and for the sake of both of us, you want to get discharged. Go to PT.”

Emily grumbled, dropping back down onto the bed as you swung the door shut behind you.

This was bullshit.

She was a trained FBI agent who passed all her physical and fitness tests with flying colours, she didn’t need PT. She was fine.

**

This loop around the hospital got Emily down to the cafeteria, happily picking up a side of fries to take back to her room, a little treat, a reward considering she got herself up and moving today. She was eating them while flipping through a magazine when you slipped into the room and she noticed the way you spotted the smuggled in food, a frown taking over her face.

“Take the fries away and I’ll be on my worst behaviour.” She warned, actually earning a chuckle from you.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” You replied, moving through the room to check on her vitals, “plus that means you made it all the way down to the caf, that’s a decent walk.”

“Hmph.” As usual, she shut down as soon as you managed to weasel your way a quarter inch through the door. You let out a soft sigh, scribbling down a couple of updates into her chart.

“Do you not want to get out of here or something?” You asked and it was Emily’s turn to sigh, chewing on her lip for a moment while she thought before looking up at you with a trace of worry etched into her features.

“What exactly happens when I do get out of here?”

“There’s an apartment set up.” You replied, “I’ll take you there, make sure you’re settling in. I’ve got other paperwork for you, passport, ID’s, bank account to keep you comfortable. They left me with a burner phone, said they’d call if there was ever a major update.” Emily let out a low breath, her eyes flitting between you, the window and then the door as a tightness wound its way into her chest. Your brow furrowed, perching on the edge of the bed, your hand gently squeezing at her leg through the blanket, “hey… what’s going on?”

“Nothing.” She shook it off, avoiding your gaze, “it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“You can lie to me all you want but the monitors you’re hooked up to can’t. So when your heart rate spikes like that, as your doctor, it’s my job to worry.”

Scowling, she crossed her arms over her chest, sinking back into the bed as she tried to retrain her body to not show the signs of stress no matter how much she was feeling it. However this time things were different, she really was vulnerable, she didn’t have her gun, her team, the strength to pull herself out of another hole. She took a heavy breath, her eyes closing for a moment before she finally dropped the mask. It had been long enough now, her mind was clear of all the fogginess that had came with the coma, with the higher level of pain meds, she’d been able to piece things together over the past couple of weeks and she knew the truth before she even asked, her voice wavering when she finally spoke.

“They didn’t catch him, did they? I mean… that’s why we’re here isn’t it?”

“I… don’t know.” You shrugged, “I’m sorry. But considering all the secretiveness, the hiding, I’d assume that whoever did that to you is still out there.” Pausing for a moment you watched the way she appeared to shrink even further into the bed, “was… what happened… a work related thing, or personal? Like are we talking about a jealous ex or a sadistic serial killer?”

Your words almost made Emily laugh at the irony of your question and she wasn’t even sure she could explain the situation to herself right now. Instead she slipped the mask back on, rolling onto her side to face the window, her mumble barely heard, “it’s a long story.”

**

The stars had been so bright through the hospital windows Emily felt incredibly drawn to them, the temptation of breathing fresh air for the first time in months too strong for her to resist. Head tilted up to the night sky, eyes shut as the breeze whipped around her she finally felt like she was free. You were nowhere to be found, the beeping and whirring of machines no longer attacking her senses, she couldn’t feel nurses hands constantly prodding at her body, she was the one in control. The city was strangely quiet, or maybe it was just that she was used to DC, that she’d forgotten what the European streets sounded like after dark, maybe she really could get used to this. She could smell rain in the air, heavy clouds hanging in the sky before a droplet hit her cheek. A smile split her lips as her eyes opened, fingers raising to wipe away the drop though her head tilted in confusion when they came away from her cheek coated in crimson. Another drop came barreling down from the sky and landed in front of her feet, when it hit the pavement it exploded into a pool of blood, trickling its way into the cracks of the sidewalk, sputtering in time with the beating of her heart.

“Hello Emily.” She could hear his voice clear as day, feel his breath on the back of her neck, his hands closing in around her waist, squeezing a little too tight on the side of her injury, his fingers digging into the stitches and she winced. “Or what is it that they’re calling you nowadays? Did you decide to stick with Lauren? I always thought it suited you so beautifully.”

She tried to shove away from him but when she turned around he was nowhere to be seen, only his dark laugh echoing through the air. The air seemed to be turning darker, stars vanishing from the sky, the rain had picked up, coating the streets in maroon and her vision began to tunnel. She whipped around again at Ian’s laugh, eyes darting around the buildings, her breath catching in her throat when she couldn’t see the hospital anymore.

“I found you once, you know I’ll be able to find you again.” Ian jeered, and she let out a groan as his fingers scratched across the brand on her chest, “I marked you. You’ll always belong to me. But you knew that, didn’t you? You’re just waiting for me to come get you, take back what’s rightfully mine.”

Emily gasped at the feeling of cold metal at the back of her neck, digging into her skin as he pressed the gun hard against the base of her skull. She could feel the heat of his body right up against hers,

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to make any mistakes this time. I’m not going to leave you for dead. I’m not walking away until I see your brains splattered on the ground.”

Her eyes squeezed tightly shut in an attempt to hold back her tears as he cocked the gun and the jolt that shocked through her made her gasp out loud, she struggled to breathe for only a moment before her eyes flew open.

Emily was shaking, covered in a sheen of sweat as she bolted upright in her bed, her hand slamming out to turn on the light in her hospital room. Panicked eyes darted around every corner and crevice of the room as her heart hammered in her chest. Gaining the courage to move she checked under the bed, making sure the bathroom was empty before she returned to her bed. She could still hear Ian’s voice running through her brain, her arms breaking out in goosebumps as the hair on the back of her neck stood up. She felt like she couldn’t quite catch her breath, her brain alert yet also foggy, almost dizzy as his words found their way back into her head. He was right, the longer she stayed here, the more of a sitting duck she was.

She had to get out of here.

Now.

She hopped off the bed, thankful that she was still in a set of the comfortable clothes you’d brought in for her. Rushing around the room she yanked her phone charger out from the wall, tossing it into the duffel bag while she quickly gathered anything else she might need. It was a flurried frenzy while she debated between slipping out the door or climbing out the window before she remembered she was on the third floor. Taking a deep breath, she unclipped the monitor on her finger, ripped the stickers off her chest and with a heavy wince tugged out her IV, holding a cotton ball to it until she was certain it wasn’t bleeding and wrapping a band aid over it.

She was so wrapped up in her own panic, in the fact that she felt like she was suffocating from the inside out, she tried to shake out of it, she just needed to get out of the four walls of her room and she would feel better, she knew it. They were closing in on her, darkness taking over in the exact same way the city streets had trapped her with Ian. Her eyes were blurring and she didn’t even realize it was because they were filling with tears, her hand clawed at her chest, tugging down the neckline of her shirt so it wasn’t constricting around her neck so much. She jumped, a quiet yelp escaping her lips when there was a flash of lightning outside the window and she was certain for a moment that Ian was in the room with her. She bent over, zipping the duffel bag up and wrenched it onto her shoulder and this yelp was much louder than the last. There was a searing pain in her side and she could feel something wet on her stomach, she couldn’t even get the bag off the ground and she was stumbling backwards before she even knew it.

“Whoa!” A voice called out and she jerked away from the set of hands that were gently wrapping around her waist, certain that they were Ian’s.

“Get off!” She managed out, her voice raw as she pushed away a little too hard, teetering back into the bed.

“Hey, hey…” your voice was calmer this time, “Valerie, it’s me, alright. It’s Doctor Carter, I’m not gonna hurt you, but I do need you to get back in bed. Valerie? Valerie, look at me.” Your hands gently closed around her wrists, pulling them away from her face and you realized just how wild her eyes were, that whatever kind of nightmare she’d been having she was still partially trapped in, “Valerie…”

“It’s Lauren!” She snapped and suddenly her body stilled as she gasped out a breath, muscles relaxing when she came back to earth and realized what she’d said. Her hand flew to her mouth and she tried to hold back the cries that were fighting their way out.

“Hey… you’re okay.” You assured her, squeezing softly at her hands, “but it looks like you blew a stitch or two. How about you lie back and we get that taken care of, okay?”

 She nodded softly, shifting backwards onto the bed with a wince as you turned around to grab a suture kit and pull on a pair of gloves.

Sun was peeking in through the semi shut blinds when Emily let out a groan, blinking open her eyes before she swallowed, her mouth incredibly dry.

“I feel like I just woke up from the dead.” She muttered.

“A nice drug cocktail will do that.” You returned with a yawn and she nearly jumped, her eyes flying to the couch in the corner where you were curled up with a book, finishing the page before you looked up at her, “you feeling better than last night?”

“I.. guess?”

“What happened in the nightmare?” You asked and she scoffed.

“There was no nightmare.”

“Yeah, right. It was the middle of the night and you were trying to make a run for it in the midst of a panic attack.” You closed the book on your lap, a concerned expression on your face, “listen. I know that you don’t like me and that is completely acceptable, but you do need to get whatever’s on your mind out. I may not be a shrink but you’ve made a very good point that you can’t talk to one, so talk to me. The more I know, the more I can do to help you, including getting you on the proper combination of meds to make sure you’re not having anymore nightmares like that.”

Emily hated that you were right, letting out a frustrated sigh as she slowly sat up to pour herself a glass of water, taking a few sips to counteract the dry mouth from whatever you’d given her last night to calm her down.  She felt the fear creeping its way through her veins, letting out a little shiver and tugging JJ’s sweater tighter around her body.

“He’s still out there.” She started, her voice barely above a whisper, “and he wants me dead.”

“As far as he’s concerned… you are dead.” You assured gently, “that’s why we’re here, remember? To keep you safe. I know it sucks, and who knows how long we’ll be here but it’s keeping you alive, okay?”

“I just…” she huffed, struggling to find the words as tears blurred into her eyes and she dropped her hands down to her lap with a defeated sniffle, “I can’t lift my arm above my head. If he tracks me down how am I supposed to put up a fight if I can’t even pick up a fucking duffle bag? I know it was stupid to try and run off like that, I was freaked out and wasn’t thinking straight. It just feels like the longer I’m trapped here….”

“That you’re actually trapped.” You finished for her and she glanced toward you, nodding gently.

“Yeah.” She replied, trying to wipe away a tear before you’d noticed it rolling over her cheek. You sunk back into the couch, honestly shocked to see her this vulnerable with her guard down this far. You weren’t sure if she finally trusted you or if she was just too tired to put up with it anymore but you figured now was the time to push your luck.

“Can I ask something?”

“Sure.” She reached out for her water, staring into the cup as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Who’s Lauren?”

“An old undercover alter ego.” She admitted, “the one that he fell in love with. The one who ultimately ended up betraying him and sending him to prison. He escaped, wanted revenge and was willing to take out my entire team along the way. So I took the fight to him instead.”

“Ballsy.”

“Stupid.” She scoffed, risking a look up at you as her fingers came to the swell of her chest, gingerly scratching through the fabric, “doesn’t matter if he never finds me I’m marked as his now.” Your head tilted and your brows furrowed as you looked at her, “what?”

“I knew the mark was new, I didn’t realize it wasn’t consensual.” You replied and she scoffed again, this time accompanied with an eye roll.

“Tattoos are more my style.”

“I know brands can’t really fully be removed, but it’s not my specialty, I can send plastics up for a consult?” You offered, finally shifting from the couch, stretching out your stiff body, “the scar tissue doesn’t look that bad, might have to do another skin graft but I’m sure there’s something they can figure out.”

“Uh… yeah, sure. Thanks.” A tight smile flashed briefly across her lips and you returned one to her as you approached the bed, “god you look like shit.”

“There she is.” You muttered with a sigh, “I didn’t want to go home and leave you on your own after that.” You checked how long ago you’d administered the meds, eyes flicking to the monitors to add a couple of notes in her chart. “I want to get you started on some daily anti anxiety meds and probably some sleeping pills too, if you’re having nightmares like that sometimes it’s better not to dream at all.”

“Yeah.” She ducked her gaze, her water cup suddenly very interesting as you replaced her chart and began to move to the door, “Dr. Carter?” She suddenly called out and you spun back to her with a brow raised, surprised she even remembered your name, much less used it.

“Yeah?”

“I need… to be able to take care of myself.” She felt heat creeping into her cheeks as she risked a glance up at you, “I can’t do that if I can’t lift a bag.” A small grin spread across your lips as she spoke, “is there an opening for PT today?”

“I’ll call down to find out.” You replied, pulling the door open, “make sure you get on the list asap.”

“Thanks.”

_____________________

@mickey-gomez @momlifebehard @daddy-heather-dunbar @maybe-a-humanbean @rustyzebra @ilovemycrayons @mandy-asimp @leftoverenvy @kades95 @dextur @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @its-soph-xx xx @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @scorpsik @prentiss-theorem @strongsassysexysloane @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @theclassicgaycousin @regalmilfs4me @kalixxh @ara-a-bird @five-bi-five-mind @niyizh @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @tommyriddleobsessed @hotchs-bitch @ollysmulti @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @swimmingstudentchaos891

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #criminal minds #solace in solitude #criminal minds fanfic #emily prentiss fanfic

[2goldensnitches]

I know there’s a tendency to complain about one’s living situation (no matter how bad you actually have it), but I honestly find gringos and euros tedious when it comes to this because of a disturbing trend for some to feel guilty over the circumstances of their births. Obviously not everyone who rages against the “imperial core” will pull a snowden and move, but honestly, why not? If being born an anglo american/European or simply living there makes you feel irreparably guilty because it means you’re “complicit” with your government’s actions and your country’s history, why not change that? It’s not all that difficult to process documents as long as you have the patience to stomach bureaucracy (and the pricing). And if you absolutely can’t wait for a legal procedure, you can stow away on a boat. Thousands of people escaping poverty and conflict have literally crossed oceans with nothing but the clothes on their backs, so, honestly? A lot of this just seems like, dare i say it, virtue signalling to me, personally: that the complainant is “one of the good ones” because instead of simply acknowledging history, they are showing how good at activism they are by declaring the us and europe as the centre of all evil and that they eagerly await the day they die a fiery death.

Who do these feelings help? How does constantly repeating calls for violence in internet echo chambers improve society? All this achieves is to create a soul-suckingly negative environment that radicalises and negatively polarises people into reactionaries. There’s no care for thought or nuance. Like it or not, countries today are absolutely neutral entities that transcend the concept of borders or languages because people live in them. I don’t like Kim jong un or ayatollah khamenei, but i don’t think nuking iran and North Korea would solve anything, actually, because mass death is bad, and, ultimately, activism ought to focus on people over ideology.

And as an aside, it’s plain stupidity (and privilege) to not acknowledge that, currently, for better or worse, the us and europe and Canada are among the best places to live for many. That’s why people emigrate there at all. There’s an attempt to foster cleanliness, order, community trust, functioning social services and societal problem solving that is simply not the case in many other countries. Why would you spit on all those benefits for stupid internet points? So many people risk their lives to secure a better living for themselves and their families—and freedom of movement is a human right. Are you saying they suffered over nothing? That they should have stayed home to face war and famine instead of committing the crime of living in New York? Would it be better if they went to a more “appropriate” country? Which one and why? If not, then what’s stopping you from hauling ass elsewhere to leave your guilt behind?

#radikewl politics are exhausting #The opposite of nationalism is misguided internalised self loathing but the horseshoe is still in effect

[justwritedreams]

Just me and you | Sehun

Idol Sehun x Reader

Word count: 1193 Genre: fluff, kinda angst Author: maari Warnings: reader being jealous yeah that's it Note: it's short but i just love it 😭 Request: can I request a sehun x reader we’re reader is jealous of Sejong and sehun and reader get in a fight over him spending a lot of time with Sejong and he said something mean and ignores reader and she brakes down crying with a happy ending

⫷ Exo Masterlist

Y/N had nothing to be jealous of.

She always repeated this to herself ever since she started dating Sehun.

He was with her, all the time he had free was dedicated to her and even with his busy schedule, he made video calls or sent photos and videos of what he was doing, to try to make up for the fact that he wasn't by her side always.

And that was okay because she understood his job and would never put herself in the position of the possessive and jealous girlfriend, she would never make him cut ties with anyone who was spending more time with him than she was.

Because again, she understood.

But in the last few days when Sehun was filming a new series, moving his entire schedule forward before the new comeback and before he enlisted, the fact that Sejeong was his scene partner again was eating away at her reason from the inside.

Y/N liked her, there was nothing wrong with the girl, she was funny, talented, beautiful. And that was the problem.

Because the more Sehun spent time with his co-worker, the more insecure Y/N became, she compared herself all the time to Sejeong and she felt bad about it.

But she couldn't help it.

Y/N had gone to Sehun's house to take care of Vivi, she always did when he spent more time away from home, and since the pet had had a medical procedure on the paw, using that weird protection in the neck, she didn't think twice going there and taking care of Vivi.

"I will not take too long." he said, walking back into the room and Y/N raised an eyebrow as his scent swept across the room quickly before he did. "It's script reading but it's going to be quick."

"Is that all it will be?" she asked as he walked over to rub Vivi's belly who was lying on Y/N's lap.

Sehun looked at her confused.

"I didn't understand." he kissed Y/N's cheek quickly and she bit her tongue to keep from sounding rude.

She had no reason.

"Last time you said you wouldn't be long, you ended up going to a restaurant." she recalled, trying to lighten her tone.

"I told you I couldn't refuse." he remembered, standing up straight. "The show's producers were there, it would be rude of me."

Y/N looked away, annoyed and decided not to say anything.

But it didn't help much since Sehun saw in her face that there was something wrong.

“What is it?” he asked, putting his wallet in his pants pocket. Y/N shook her head. "Oh come on, love, tell me!"

"Will Sejeong be there?" she didn't want the venom in her tongue to sound in her voice but it was impossible and when she looked at Sehun, he was frowning, scrutinizing her to make sure she was serious.

"Oh no, you're not going to start that." he laughed in disbelief.

"I just want to know." she defended herself. "Because, everywhere you go, she's there. It's on a variety show, she's doing a photoshoot in the same building as you."

"Because literally our agendas are unintentionally bumping into each other." he said in a matter-of-fact tone and she huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Of course, and I'm Santa Claus." she replied ironically and he put his hands on his hips.

"Seriously, you want to fight over my co-worker?" he asked, sounding tired.

"I don't want to fight about her!" she took a deep breath, trying not to raise her voice. "But you spend more time with her than me, it makes me upset." she admitted.

"I don't spend more time with her because I want to but because it's part of my job."

Y/N crossed her arms, annoyed. Mainly because she knew he was right but at the same time she was furious because she couldn't control what she felt.

"Fine, Sehun, as you wish."

She heard him chuckle once more and glared at him, he was angry and hurt.

"You knew all this when you started dating me, if you can't control your jealousy then you shouldn't be with me." he spoke firmly, she stared at him a little surprised. "Don't try to be the controlling girlfriend with me because you know it won't work out."

Y/N felt her heart sink, he was serious. She didn't want him to misunderstand but the intonation in her voice sure made him understand what she didn't want.

"Sehu, I-" she tried to get up from the couch but he turned and stormed out of the house. "Sehun!" she called but the door had already been slammed, leaving only the trail of his perfume.

She felt the tears come and she collapsed on the couch anyway, feeling like an idiot.

Vivi laid it head in Y/N's lap as if to comfort her and she actually cried, stroking the pet's fur.

"I’m a fool." she told Vivi.

She was afraid that Sehun didn't want her anymore, and a good part of her was saying that he wouldn't be wrong.

Y/N stayed the whole time with Vivi, crying and wiping away her tears as if somehow making her forget the tightness in her heart.

She didn't even notice the time running.

When she heard the door open, she saw the time on the phone and when she realized that Sehun had arrived exactly at the time he said, she felt bad.

She figured he would come back much later on purpose, she knew the boyfriend and when he was mad all he did was be alone.

That's why she got up from the couch, with a headache from crying so much, and grabbed her bag without saying anything even though she felt Sehun's eyes on her.

With her head down, she prepared to leave but Sehun stopped her when she passed beside him, holding her lightly by the arm.

Y/N took a deep breath before looking up at him.

Neither of them said anything for a while, they just stared at each other trying to find the right words.

"I'm sorry." he said and she swallowed, not wanting to cry again.

"You're right, I don't have the right to control your life." she shrugged, looking away.

"No, I was wrong. It's unfair that I don't spend more time with you."

Y/N smiled sadly.

"It's your job, Sehun."

He took the opportunity to touch her chin, making her look at him again.

"And it's my obligation as a boyfriend to make time for you."

Sehun caressed Y/N's swollen face with a furrowed brow, he was analyzing her because he knew she had been crying.

And then he hugged her tightly, enveloping her whole body as if he would make her disappear in that embrace.

Y/N felt welcomed, loved, it was enough to sniff against his chest.

"No matter what they've scheduled for me, next month we're going on a trip." Sehun kissed the top of her head, and she smiled widely. "Just me and you."

Y/N liked this plan much better.

#exowritersnet #sehun imagine #sehun scenario #sehun x reader #sehun x y/n #sehun x you #sehun fanfic #sehun fluff #exo fanfic #exo imagine #exo imagines #exo scenario #exo scenarios #exo fic #exo fluff #exo x reader #exo x y/n #exo x you #exo fiction #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #kpop x y/n #kpop x you #kpop x reader #requests #maari

[the-final-sif]

(Screenshot anon)

ok so that might've been a classic move for an alpha in like 2003 but times have changed and literally no alpha acts like that nowadays. even if he WAS trying to court Dream he wouldn't have done in a video like that - his reputation is entirely at stake.

taking care of someone when they're sick literally isn't posessive though???? Like ok Jimmy's head alpha of the pack and has to kind of fight to assert dominance because al of them (except Nolan) are also alphas but that has nothing to do with Dream??? if anything he was being a good friend and taking care of someone who was sick. they shared a tent so he could keep an eye on him. that's literally just normal friend behavior - he probably discussed it with SNF earlier and had Karl hang with them so they could enjoy antarctica without having to constantly take care of Dream.

He's literally just doing regular pack leader behavior - and he appears to be really good at it - taking care of a sick member, making sure everyone's not freaking out because a member of the pack is sick, keeping an eye on everything. Dude sucks sometimes but at least he's a good alpha.

As SC Anon (sorry, are we good to use nicknames ?) said, the video was HEAVILY edited. Like, we see Dream and Mr Beast going in for a hug when they get back from the moutain but it cuts ; Nolan sleeping in between the two so that the proper space and third party rule is respected (and like. SC anon said it themselves, Nolan is the only non alpha aka the only one not "threatening" ?? I don't think that is a coincidence) ; at the start of the video they're always next to each others ; that comment Dream makes about knowing MrBeast is pantless ?? Like how ?. We could even see in Dream's longer version (bless its soul) how close the two were originaly. There were definitely some moves made. And I'm pretty sure it's intentionnal Karl was so much with Sapnap and George, to distract them from their newly reunited pack mate. Also I disagree with the "terrible public move" bc nothing untoward happened, Mr Beast was a gentleman on all regards. But 1) he made it clear to Dream in survival conditions he was reliable and a good option 2) he showed it to the world ? Like call that neon flash of "Omega gets sick in Antartica, I manage to keep them perfectly healthy", that was a good boost for his reputation as a carer (not that should matter for alphas, and it pushes bad stereotypes, but that's how traditionnal - and they represent à good part of Mr Beast's audience - saw it). So it was a win for him on every point

And it appears a third anon has entered the fray,

(I'm third completely unrelated anon in the MrBeast saga) FUCK THE BEAST, OKAY. Look we all cringed and laughed about that freak over here who posted the Dream clone switcharoo bullshit in the main tags but now I'm seeing that shit from another angle! How the fuck else would you explain him switching secondary genders that fast?! That shit takes time, no meds or surgery is that good already. Beast did something I'm 100% sure of it, he already dabled in curing the blind, what if he asked Dream to test out a new drug or procedure? I wouldn't put it past him to use guilt tripping tactics, he just went oh please please do it for the poor people that can't have the way more complicated and way more expensive procedures done and Dream agreed. The beast having drolo moments, him staying close to Dream during Antarctica, him talking to George during the football charity match???? That shit confirms it. Motherfucker was keeping tabs on the process and how Dream was reacting to the change, if there were any side effects or complications. He wasn't seducing a sick omega or being a leading alpha or trying to find a partner, he was looking out for his bottom line! And some of you might try to refute it because its been a century since the omega testing facilities have been abolished but guess what, Omegan Healthcare Regulations, Section 14 Subsection 8 clearly states that its LEGAL to use omegas for testing specific substances and or procedures if the omega gives informed consent before any substances or procedures are administered. Even if the Beast got caught, and he will because Dream's immune system is weak as shit and will reject whatever the fuck was done to him pretty soon, he would still get no legal backlash because Dream the idiot would for sure back him up in saying it was fully consensual and that he was informed on all sides and still took the risk. This is a lose-lose situation and I fucking hate it so much!

#sif answers #Anonymous #omegaverse #sif speaks #dreamwastaken #dream team #Mr. Beast #Mr Beast

[olderthannetfic]

wait i’d love to hear yr thoughts about tony hillerman bc i grew up in new mexico (and still live here lol) & always thought he was just like normal pulp mystery

--

Normal pulp mystery with ten thousand digressions to talk about clouds and rocks. Hahaha.

IDK, do we use "pulp" like this now? (Genuine question.) His mystery style was fairly standard for the cozy end of mystery publishing if we mean not hardboiled, not police procedural, etc. rather than the cozy mysteries that are actually cozy with their cat-themed bookstores and such.

When I was a kid, my mother was obsessed with one day moving to Santa Fe, so for holidays, instead of seeing family, we'd go there. She had another phase where she was convinced she'd move to Orcas Island one day where, again, we spent holidays up around Seattle repeatedly. In both cases, there were things that happened to be culturally big at the time and easy to find that were also connected to local indigenous stuff.

What makes Hillerman interesting is that, despite being a white guy, he focused a lot on the Navajo reservation. It probably doesn't seem like much of anything if you're from that part of the world, and there are certainly some inaccuracies in the books that he himself would talk about in subsequent forwards, but they were a highly accessible introduction for someone who'd otherwise have had no reason to know about anything like that. I don't think that's so true now with more media on the scene, but this was the 90s at the height of his popularity (and of the series actually being good).

The thing is, they are normal mysteries. That's what made them work: people who didn't have a reason to care about the setting or particular political struggles bought them because they bought mystery novels in general. And then there was some other stuff in there too, but mostly, they're just fun genre fiction. One thing they did that I can't recall any other 90s media with a thousandth the reach doing was depict Indigenous characters who don't know that much about other indigenous cultures. There are a couple of books where the Navajo leads have to deal with Hopi stuff, and it's very clear these are different people with different communities. That sounds so incredibly small and obvious, but these books were sold in airport bookstores all over the country to an audience that knew literally nothing.

As for the books themselves, I like all the contemplative noodling about the landscape and the sense of place. That's something I often like in a mystery novel, especially one set somewhere I don't live.

The characters are compelling aside from their romances, which are horrendous. (Leaphorn has a wife who is a nonentity until she dies between books of something stupid, and then she comes up endlessly as the love of his life. Chee is a moron who makes bad choices and forces us to hear about them at great length.)

There's a bunch of archaeology stuff in some of the books, and I was a kid obsessed with archaeology. Honestly, our understanding of, e.g., Ancestral Puebloans is way different than it was in the 70s when some of these books came out, but it was still interesting stuff.

The adaptations now... Robert Redford bought the rights an eon ago and has been trying to make fetch happen ever since. One of the attempts was a set of three tv movies for PBS's Mystery! They hired Chris Eyre and unfridged Leaphorn's wife. There's a lot more humor relative to Hillerman's often rather gloomy style. And I am weak to buddy cops, to age gap with obnoxiously over-enthusiastic younger parties, and to OT3s.

[sirwow]

hm. Thinking about Edega.. he’s very interesting to me so I’m gonna ramble for a sec about him.

after 5-2N Ian states this is the most Edega has ever spoken to (Lucky in specific) It’s strange for a cold man like him, but something similar happened with Hugh. The only two people Edega puts priority on were famous and influential, people who really could get word out. Mayhaps Edega wishes to give them the best care possible and do something revolutionary, getting their hospital on the chart. After all he stated himself that their hospital was pretty under due to the staff drought that they need an experimental intern to help. If he could do something revolutionary in medicine and really get that out there things would be better for patients and the staff.

(Cut here to not flood RD TL)

However. This is clearly overshadowed by selfishness. Edega is constantly on Ada and Ian for their productivity and time management, why aren’t they working harder and wasting their time when there’s so much to be done. Everyone must be self sufficient in Edega’s eyes, as long as what needs to be done is done for a patient, it’s good enough. Along with this, Edega always refers to the “ultimate cure” that’s being worked on as HIS, it’s HIS cure all. Despite seemingly Ian doing constant work for this project, intern and Ada gathering the tests and information, and the patients (especially Lucky) being guanine pigs to HIS cure. It’s clear the fame of a cure all bringing way to new things is snuffed by Edega’s intentions to take all fame for himself. They’re subordinates, why should they get credit?

And on that last note- the Patients. It’s already bad that Edega treats them as nothing more then numbers and care for them according to their status, but actively testing on them? The intern rhythm doctor program is stated to be just that a program. However, this program is not an equivalent alternative to healing. It helps in the short term, yes, but as seen with almost every patient they continue to need more treatments then just the one. Cole and Nicole’s addictions weren’t solved by the program, that was having each other, making the result of them being “cured” by the program a false positive.

Then there’s Insomniac. There’s no way Edega could of missed the reports of power getting knocked out in the hospital and my man’s literally LOSING part of his heart. And to be fair while they didn’t know the program caused it, he still didn’t take any procedures like stopping the program or going further into figuring out what went wrong to cause genuine damage. Lucky was being admitted and there was no time to waste on that, this was his chance to bring fame! Ian of course figured it out after chapter 5 inbetween working on this “cure” Edega wanted but it’s pretty clear Edega isn’t stopping the Rhythm Doctor program anytime soon. He’s too close now.

Call him Gabriel Icarus Edega, the sun is grand but the cost will drag him and everyone else down with him.

Ok I’m done being a nerd who looks too deep into things ❤️❤️ me when I grab this shithead and put him in the realm of “Good end goal - Bad practice and worse intentions in the pursuit of speed.” Bros a hypocrite for telling Lucky to be patient

#rhythm doctor #rhythm doctor Edega #rhythm doctor writing

[wookofwallst]

(Article) Starfield Steam reviews are sliding fast.

Well, it's been a month now since Starfield has released, and players have really let loose on the internet about how they feel. Good and bad reviews have popped up on Steam, Metacritic, and the Xbox store.

My main focus here is going to be on Steam for a few reasons . It's easier to sort by play time and alot easier to find other reviews rather than just "Xbox Exclusive Bad".

Underlying numbers kind of shows the 75%. Alot of people want to talk about review bombing but what about review lifting? Review inflation? Whatever you want to call it, the first day of reviews should probably be disqualified based merit. If you don't like that idea, then you're telling me more than 20 thousand people played the game enough to give a thoughtful review? I doubt it.

The reviews that I put in here will be from people who have put in over 100 hours. For a game this size and with how much there is to do I think that would be best.

After a pretty lengthy review and 170 hours played, one user said:

"I regret taking the time to bond with my companions, talking with every NPC, flying & running around scanning the planets, and lockpicking every door or chest I encountered. Overall, I regret completing the main story. I can't believe I'm saying this, but IGN was right about the 7/10."

It's hard to disagree with what he said. There was alot of hype in NG+, even the CEO of Xbox said "The game doesn't start until you beat the game" and what happens after? You get a new ship that can fast travel anywhere in the galaxy and all of the loot, weapons, and everything you had is all gone. The ship cannot be expanded upon, and you're given a new space suit.

149 hours played and multiple paragraphs. Another user said:

"The writing in this game is AWFUL. Image if you will, you are a new corpo grunt, your first day as an intern and boom you find out the CEO is selling company secrets. So you confront them, kill them and everyone loves you for it from this one piece of 'evidence' and gives you a promotion. This is Starfield in a nut shell."

"I have 1000+ hour in Fallout 4 for example. I will never hit that in Starfield. It's just not that interesting.

No vehicles

No atmospheric flight

No groundbreaking features

No taming

ZERO Aliens..."

It's hard for me to disagree with anything this reviewer said. I can even expand upon it. 90% of the "aliens" in this are gigantic insects with no intelligence at all. I understand that space might not have a lot of aliens in our neck of the woods, but this is a video game. Put some aliens in it! Outposts are stupid, copy pasted time wasters.

Final one 114 hours played. This is the full review:

I was expecting a game i could play for 100s or thousands of hours but after just 100 hours i can say i have beat the entire game and done everything. It is bland and nothing like the interesting games we were previously given... Biggest disappointment of 2023 worst rpg i have ever played... all bland procedural content that is the same on every planet. Their is no interesting characters or unique items to chase after. It is literally 6 quest lines and a main quest line that take a 100 hours to complete then their is nothing but small meaning less quest that are all similar with the same places and dialogue in different planets.

Bland, meaningless content that's procedurally generated. And that's the common theme. It's Kwibblekop AI bad, dull, and void of any emotion.

So yeah, looking at actual negative reviews of the game with valid criticism is reinforcing the score I gave it. 6.5.

Did you like Starfield? Do you think reviews that are posted should have a time limit? Do you believe in review inflation? Anything new you're playing? Let me know! Thanks for reading!

You can catch me live on Twitch every weekday from 8pm-12am. Link is below!

[winedark]

rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

tagged by @alethiometry!! thank u bestie <333

tagging: @wolfhalls, @godsopenwound, @derelictship, @avgustea, @besukhov, @wolveswithoutteeth <3

(lets see if i HAVE 8 shows)

elementary. SHOW OF ALL TIME. it is truly the only sherlock holmes adaptation i've watched from the last 20 (30? 40??) years that feels like a modern adaptation and not a self-parody (miss sherlock excluded — i've yet to watch!). i never got the hate towards nyc being the setting except i guess america bad?? but it makes total sense imo and it breathes light into one of the most adapted books ever. jlm's sherlock is SO treasured to me, lucy liu's watson is just as dimensional as sherlock, girlboss moriarty, BEES, also the focus on recovery throughout the series gave it so much heart, its truly such a good adaptation. i know fundamentally its just some procedural crime show (and its biggest flaw is obviously the inclusion of ny-pd, s03 e08 you mean nothing to me) but i love her and i rewatch the first season pretty much every year. literally where would i be without her

the x files. mulder and scully have had an IRREVERSABLE impact on my fashion sense. i am watching every single episode with a notepad by my side and taking detailed notes of what they're wearing. i love this show so much, every other episode is outrageously problematic even for its time, but i'm obsessed. iconic theme tune (my dads ringtone btw). scully is one of my ultimate pop culture heroes but i think i'm more like mulder (my hero for being irritating). i think my favourite episode is wet wired. i've never seen anything past season 7.

the sopranos. WAIT! wait before u (understandably) judge me i promise its more than a dudebro mafioso show, i think the characters are all some of the best written characters i've ever encountered, and idk i don't watch a lot of similar shows but i don't get the impression that its about justifying the mafia lifestyle, quite the opposite. also the introspection that you see develop is phenomenal. what really floors me about the show is that the female characters are ALL so incredibly written, carmella soprano i love u 💍 i'm actually only half-way through this show so maybe the inclusion to this list is premature but i trust my judgement

succession. this show is constantly rotating in my mind like a slow roast. i'm also quite convinced that 90% of the fans are watching an entirely different show. is tom my favourite character YES but i hope shiv leaves him and he gets nothing in the divorce and he has to move back to iowa or wherever. he's the worst. marcia i love you

it's always sunny in philadelphia. embarrassing how many times i've seen seasons 2-10 but my brother and i's lexicon are primarily references from this show. i think my favourite episode is the cereal defense, it's so stupid.

1899. netflix i am gonna get you bitch 🔪 daniel crawling out of the atlantic ocean changed me

ummmm. i don't have 8 shows. can i leave this as a placeholder for yellowjackets because i see potential my loves <3 if not um. earth's greatest spectacles, the 3 part documentary series narrated by domhnall gleeson that changed my world. i think about it all the time. i love u new england i love u svalbard i love u okavango.

how to get away with murder.

this show has done so much psychological damage, charlotte and i watched it together and i've not been the same since. i don't even know where to start; why is your penis on that dead girls phone. season 1 part 1 being the best few episodes of television ever and immediately going downhill after. annalise keating will send anyone to jail. bonnie killing a 22 year old because why not. whatever the hapstall case was. michaela pratt's villain era (ilu). laurel's flop era. connor's haircut. michaelasher breakup on some random crossover episode in favour of a character who gets about 2 minutes screentime. guy murdered at the gay wedding. michaela growling at someone in a grocery store. connor being the ONLY person to get arrested for murder(conspiracy?) out of the k5, while arguably being the person most removed from committing actual murder (flop king). gay divorce. frank incest reveal based entirely on the ''foreshadowing'' of some throwaway season 1 line. franklaurel girlies found dead. whatever the fuck was going on in the series finale. i'm not the same

#beehive whispers #tag games #everyone point and laugh at my bad taste! #i tried to tag people i know watch some tv <3 but feel free to ignore if you don't fancy it!!

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

I’ve wanted to make this post for a while but headcanons on what media I’ve consumed that various characters in Disco Elysium would be insane over:

Harry — Harry would fucking love Paradise Killer. He’d love Lady Love Dies and her whole affect and the weird vaporwave aesthetic and he’d absolutely make himself puke playing it too long (based on actual experiences). Really any detective game he’d be insane over and YES he has opinions on every one of the Nancy Drew adventure games, thank you very much. He’d also watch way too many sports movies and yell at the screen constantly when people make bad calls or plays. Probably has The Waterboy memorized tbh. Not-so-secretly cries over romances — Notting Hill with Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts is his favorite.

Kim — Kim’s an original trilogy Star Wars fan and will never admit the massive crush he has on Han Solo. He’s also watched the entire Lord of the Rings saga as a marathon and will absolutely offer his opinion on how it stacks up to the books if you give him the slightest nudge. He’s read A Wrinkle in Time so many times he’s had to replace his childhood copy with a new one because pages were finally falling out.

Jean — Watches police procedurals because he likes to mock their sensationalism, particularly CSI: Miami and Law and Order: SVU. When he actually decides to love himself he watches pre-Marvel superhero movies, particularly Hellboy and Spiderman (Tobey Macguire edition).

Judit — She listens to podcasts because she’s a mom and a cop and there just aren’t enough hours in the day to sit and watch/read something. She likes funny podcasts like My Brother My Brother and Me best, for some levity in her life, but sometimes she’ll listen to Oh No! Ross and Carrie if they’re covering a topic she’s interested in.

Cuno — He likes torture porn horror he really shouldn’t be watching at his age. Him and Cunoesse binged the entire Saw series and are now afraid of jesters and clowns. Following it up with watching It didn’t help.

Garte — He doesn’t have a ton of time to consume media (three cafeterias!!!) but he’ll read novels under the counter during slow periods. He’s particularly fond of Charles Dickens and his many rags-to-riches stories like Great Expectations.

Klaasje — She likes non-American films like Let the Right One In (to which she says the book is better) and Pan’s Labryinth. All time favorite is The Cakemaker, which she regularly shows to people and when they comment on how sad it is she drags on her cigarette and smiles and says, “I know, it’s awful” and keeps watching.

Ruby — Mad Max: Fury Road is godtier in her mind and Furiosa is her hero. She listens to the podcast Alice Isn’t Dead on long drives even if she’s heard it a thousand times. She cries every time she watches Carol which is why nobody knows she likes it.

Joyce — Had a massive Game of Thrones phase and wrote scathing reviews after the series finale.

Evrart — I literally do not think me and this man would see eye to eye on any media ever but he’d probably turn on Fox News and shake his head at the state of politics.

Soona — she reads scientific and academic essays for fun and literally nothing else.

Feel free to ask about other characters I can do this all day.

#say more sadie #this is so self indulgent #I’m not even putting this in the tags if it breaks containment it’s because my followers willed it #feel free to ask about other characters #sadie writes meta

[moldy-memes]

Markiplier Dead Space Remake RP Starters || Part 1

I'm sure nothing is going to jump out at me at all.

I wish I could talk to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything.

Forewarned is forearmed.

Why is it so dark?

It's so weird being back here.

Okay, I'm ready.

God, it's been so long.

You're so tough. You're so big and brave and strong.

I'm on the way! You don't have to shout, I'm literally two steps behind you.

Can I start stomping on things yet?

You're not [name]. Who are you?

I'm safe. Thank goodness.

You'd think I have something to say about all of this.

What the hell were those things?

Now I know to cut off their limbs.

Can I stomp you now? Yes, I can.

That's not good.

God, it's good to be back.

Intros are for chumps.

For God's sake, send help!

I don't want to taint this experience going forward, so I'm going to look at it with brand new baby eyes.

I love saving. Saving's great! I saved.

I like money. I love money.

Just a quick little blurp.

Can I be in cargo-baggage? I don't know if I should be in cargo-baggage.

Now that's a nice stomp.

That sounds horrifyingly bad.

What are you doing? Why are you in the walls?

Yeah, this definitely ain't the right way.

I'm just quirky like that.

Does that even kill them? Or do they just stop moving?

Why is it so dark in here? I can't see for crap.

Where? Where? What? Why? How can i not see any of you?

Make sure they're dead by stomping them into itty bitty gooey bits.

What is the boom? What is the big boom?

Okay, I think I made a full circle.

Can I get an uppies?

I don't think I can get uppies.

Who's goopin? Who be goopin? Stop goopin.

This go uppies? Uppies? Uppies?

Anybody else? Anybody else wanna tussle with this muscle?

This is apprehensivating.

Why do I care about that? I don't.

Are you telling me there's lights on in here?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me. You're joking me.

Stop moving.

Okay, oh boy, we're in business.

We're in good company and everything is going swimmingly.

I'm not worried. Why would i be worried? I'm not worried. Nary a worry in sight.

Peek-a-boo, why are you up there?

I'm helpless, I'm just a sweet little baby.

Don't do it! Don't come after me!

No one wants to hear about anyone's fucking nightmares.

Trust me, that's one son of a bitch who needs to stay dead.

A bench? Sweet.

I like to hold back.

La la la, I'm going home.

Come find me, if you're brave enough.

Are you gonna find me or am I gonna get out of here?

Are we done? You better be done.

Wait a minute, you're not supposed to be there.

Hey, hey, what is up?

Okie, dokie, then. I'm going this way.

That's fine, right guys? That's fine?

What's happening? What's happening? What's happening?

Cool, I love stasis.

Show off how stable you are.

I found a man inside the vents?

Congratulations.

I don't trust.

Why was there a rapidly increasing heartbeat?

I'm never gonna get everything.

Great! Never clean.

Wait, cargo bay? I want cargo.

This looks spicy.

I keep hearing things. Down in the gears where no one could be.

What's behind me? Is there another one behind me?

Woah, you were in time-out!

Hurry. I keep hearing noises right under our feet.

What? That's new. Since when could you do that?

Security clearance? What do you mean security clearance? I can go wherever I want.

Keep talking to me.

Guys? Guys?

Be ready for anything.

What's the plan?

People are dying here.

Stick to procedure, we'll get through this.

You think they're still there?

Why the violins now? Why would there be violins plucking happily in the distance?

You probably would have died in a horrible lobby incident.

Wait, but there was a note. Wasn't there a note? There was a note there!

I always gotta go for the things beforehand.

Hey, beautiful.

Hello, ugly.

Am i taking this? Is this what we're doing?

I'm doing it but I don't trust it.

#rp sentence memes #rp sentence starters #rp memes #askbox memes #markiplier rp memes #dead space rp memes

[wolfeyedwitch]

Going through some IRL shit atm so I will likely be slow on updating... anything, really.

More info under the readmore because its medical stuff so... yeah.

I am having a hysterectomy!!! This is fantastic news to me and I'm pleased but nervous too. I've wanted to do this for a long time, and the recent SCOTUS decision made me step up my time frame.

As soon as I scheduled it, everyone in my life started asking me if I was okay. I swear. Everyone else is freaking out and I'm just sitting here like "im too fatigued to be freaked out, calm down". Even the doc whos doing the procedure asked if I needed a referral to a mental health provider about it.

And like. Thanks??? But no??? This organ has been nothing but trouble for the entirety of my life. Growing up, my periods were so bad they felt like I was literally ill. Like "take myself to urgent care" ill. (If I didn't know what the reason was, anyway. As it was it was more like "aw fuck, here comes shark week.") Like "make a nest out of couch cushions on the bathroom floor" ill. Like nausea, vomiting, feeling hot/cold like I had a fever, severe cramping, major bleeding. I was constantly anemic because I just bled so much.

I got an IUD placed 5 years ago, and it has been one of the best medical decisions I've made. I haven't had a period that entire time. Unfortunately, this bliss could not last. Starting 3 years ago, I began getting ovarian cysts that would rupture and cause general angst and misery.

So now I'm on Depo shots to control the ovarian cysts, on top of having an IUD, on top of NOT NEEDING BIRTH CONTROL BECAUSE IM NOT HAVING ANY KIND OF SEX THAT REQUIRES THAT. Its frustrating as hell, and I want to be on LESS medication, not more.

So yeah. Hysterectomy. The only reason I'm not saying "take the ovaries out while you're at it, they're nothing but troublemakers" is because then I'd have to deal with HRT, and as previously mentioned, I want LESS medication. The doc said she'd take a look at the ovaries while she's in there and if one looks worse than the other, she'll take one out but not both. Im cool with that, given its a lot easier to go back and take something out later than it would be to do the opposite.

(Oh and it turns out that IUDs can contribute to ovarian cysts. So without that pesky uterus to need the IUD, this problem might just resolve itself on its own. One can only hope.)

Yeah. My mom is hovering. My SO is happy for me but worried about surgery because, surgery. My dad is sad that im taking away any potential to have kids, but he's keeping that to himself admirably well.

And to me its just. Its another thing on my plate. It doesn't feel any bigger or more important than the rest of the shit I gotta do to take care of myself. Its just a lot of meetings with doctors and nurses and coordinators for pre and post op stuff.

Maybe this will all hit me harder at a later date. Who knows. But yeah, its taking up a lot of my brain space. So. Slow updates on anything. Long explanation, but there you go.

#irl shit #medical stuff #medical procedures #im having surgery #my life is a little crazy atm #so it might be a while before i write any more of my series

[kingmaker-a]

Ah, I hope you get to feeling better! Health issues suck, I've seen friends and family go through the ringer and it's especially scary when it's happening to you. 💗 Wishing you nothing but love and a quick recovery if you end up having a procedure done.

Gotta a bunch of questions for ya that should hopefully pass the time, but don't feel like you have to answer them all!

Besides Yoohyeon, who's an idol (or idols, I don't judge) that you've been obsessed with lately? It can be because of their music, visuals, stage presence, or whatever criteria you so choose.

If you could make a supergroup of K-pop idols from any generation, who would you choose and what concept/music genre would you go for?

Do you like any K-pop soloists? If so, who's your favorite?

What's your number one comfort food/meal?

I saw that you have The Weeknd in your Spotify Wrapped... what's your favorite song by him? (I swear I'm not a stalker, you guys, we shared our Spotify wrapped in the Paladin group chat).

Would you rewrite any published fic of yours? If so, which one would you choose and why?

What's one thing you admire about each of the Paladins? It can be writing-wise, personality-wise, or both!

That's all I got! Once again, wishing you lots of love and happiness as you go through this rough patch. If you ever need anyone to cheer you up or talking things over with, your sweet Maknae is here to help! 💖

P.S. - I have to leave a picture of Dami and try to bring more people into the cult of Damism because it is my one true calling in life 😌

I'll try to answer these as best I can with my sleep deprived mind, though I'll probably just reblog if there's stuff I haven't answered.

Maybe not so much lately due to everything happening, but an idol I've been obsessed with?

I'm gonna have to go with Kim Lip, though I'm pretty sure you could've guessed that. I dunno I just got super into her voice after hearing Eclipse for the first time, that kinda what got me to listen to Loona in the first place. Literally obsessed with that song to the point that I build eclipse in lol when I shouldn't if it's even remotely playable.

Aside from that, her stage presence is 👌👌 even though she's kind of a dork.

Kpop supergroup? That's gonna have to wait until I have brain space.

Kpop soloists? I listen to a decent amount, the ones I remember off the top of my head are Chungha and Bibi, I do listen to a lot of kRnB as well like Dean and Hoody. My favourite just generally is Dean but Bibi did release an absolute banger recently.

My number one comfort food, I kind of have two since one is easier than the other for me to get nowadays. My preferred one is Fry Bread made by one of my Nan's, but I don't get to see my whanau much nowadays.

Other than that, Me and my ex-girlfriend would get burgers from this place called BurgerFuel whenever something good or bad happened.

Are you sure you're not a stalker? 👀👀 Jk jk, my favourite song from the Weeknd? It depends I guess because when I used to hangout with my friends it used to be Rocking or Party Monster, but nowadays? Faith or After hours, depends on the mood.

I know that there's quite a long list when it comes to which ones I'd redo if I had the time and effort. But probably Ramyun + Extras even if it's my second best piece note wise. In terms of why? The plot itself could've been a lot better, though I mainly wrote based on my own vibes being back in my hometown, as a result it's kinda eh and unfocused I guess.

What's my favourite things about the Paladins aside from being the best? I think I'll save it for new years when I'm being sappy. ❤️

[randolphbellmd]

i should write this all down somewhere but i want to tell people and i can’t yet tell anyone so i’m telling the 4 people in my screen who will click this post. hi friends.

in may i was talking to my (bad) therapist and kind of off-hand said "y’know, the only thing that’s been motivating me to finish my PhD is the promise of a gender neutral title. nothing else. it’s just the ‘Dr.’.” i joked about that 7 years ago, when i first started wondering about being nonbinary. i thought about it for another few weeks, and started googling HRT and top surgery and ftm/ftn stuff and after a while it wasn’t just “oh, lemme look this up and see what’s what about top surgery” it became actual research. i checked insurance coverage. recovery time. procedures. local surgeons. timelines. i put money into a savings account. i weighed pros (many) and cons (one: i’m scared of surgery). the next day said “sam, i think we really want to pursue this,” and reached out to the hospital. a month later had an appointment for a top surgery consult.

now, dear reader, it is in april of next year. like a full 8 months away. that was somewhat intentional. because if i can keep up my momentum with work, that means that i’ll be finishing my degree sometime between august and december of next year. surgery would likely be sometime around october or november, six months from the consult. right around my 30th birthday.

since i got the appointment consult, it feels like i’m actually truly living for me. not just going through the motions, but moving forward. towards something. i should keep the pace with work... because if i don’t then i risk influencing the surgery. i should work out... so that i can recover from surgery and feel good about my body during all of this process. even silly little things like making sure i’m going to the bank, eating oatmeal for breakfast, trying to fix my complexion, and telling my therapist that i don’t want to go on T because i want to like me and my body right now before i try to change more of it. which?? was such an out-of-body experience that she was like sam, did you hear what you just said and i was like oh... so antidepressants and transitioning do work magic, huh. even for me.

granted this hasn’t been for that long, maybe a month, but i have literally been stuck in a severe rut of mental unwellness for over three years. tried SSRI’s, two therapists, and had a neuropsychologist ask “have you tried keeping a planner?” three days before my 2nd pandemic xmas. the thought of having to live every single day of my life with just me to keep me going... awful. and it was impossible to think about a years long research project. started meds on new years and have been fueled by spite and bupropion ever since. but i finally have a light at the end of my PhD tunnel again, and it’s not just “make real money with a real job”. it’s this surgery. i have something to motivate me to work out that isn’t just “i don’t like the way i look”. it’s that i want to love my body when it finally looks the way i’ve always wanted it to look. everything will not magically be cured by a surgery but what i need is to feel like i can and should and will do things for me.

the sad part of all of this is that i can't really share this yet. there’s one (1) friend in real life that knows this is coming. i’m scared to tell my parents. i don’t talk to my other friends that much so this probably wouldn’t come up until next summer. i can’t tell anyone that the reason i am feeling good is that i am actually working towards becoming the most me i have ever been. it’s kind of lonely in that way but hey what the fuck else is new. i’m always lonely.

this got long. i’ll delete it later. but anyway. all those stories about how transitioning changes lives... i didn’t think it’d be me considering how slow and fluid my “transition” has been and how i have never really let go of former sam i’ve just grown into current sam... but... it is changing my life and the surgery hasn’t even happened yet. if you told me a year ago or two or even three that i’d be looking forward to a future, i wouldn’t believe you. and yet. here we are.

#happy 5 pm on a saturday from tumblr user jelly-tyson

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Crack Shot

Prompt: hey! i'm a MASSIVE fan of your work, literally my favourite ao3 author ever!! i had this idea that i thought was cute, been watching bbc merlin for the first time and thought 'hey, au idea, merlin and arthur as police officers/detectives?' very b99 right? now i cant get it out of my head ! im a bit of a stan for romantic arthur/merlin, just cause their banter is UNREAL. so yeah, love to see that! (could be situations where they are undercover??)... love your work, no pressure obv! :) - idealisticallyhopeful

Read on Ao3

Warnings: gunshot wound

Pairings: merthur

Word Count: 2632

“How’s that for your first stakeout?”

“There is so much I really want to say to you right now.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” Arthur says as they head back into the city, “I’m sure I’ll get an earful later.”

“Keep your eyes peeled,” he hears his father’s voice over the radio, “we’ve heard reports of activity in the area. Remember: suspects are to be treated as armed and dangerous.”

“Understood.”

He hears his father ring off and groans.

“I’ve been doing this for years,” he grumbles, mostly to himself, “and yet you still treat me like I’m going to the shops for the first time.”

“He’s looking out for you, Detective, that’s all,” one of the other cops mutters, “he is your father.”

“Yes, something he won’t stop reminding me.”

“Well, it’s not every day you go on a stakeout with the son of Uther Pendragon.” He fidgets a little in the car. “’S a big deal for most of us.”

Arthur glances across at him. He’s not a big man, not like some of the other cops, but he’s got a good record and his aim is nothing to laugh at. “What’d you say your name was?”

“Lancelot, sir.”

Arthur huffs. “Seems the department has a thing for names of legend, huh?”

“You would know that better than me, sir.”

“You can drop the ‘sir,’ Lancelot, no need for formality this far from the precinct.” And my father’s burning ears. 

“…Arthur, then.” Lancelot’s mouth quirks up. “Though you may have a point about the names. I think one of the new lab technicians is named Guinevere.”

It startles a proper laugh out of him. “Are you trying to set me up, Lancelot?”

“No, no, not at all, sir, just thought it was a funny coincidence—“

Arthur waves a hand. “I’m pulling your leg, Lancelot.”

“…I see.”

He tears his eyes away from the warehouse to punch the other officer good-naturedly. “How long have you been with us?”

“A year this Thursday.”

Arthur whistles lowly. “And they let you come on a stakeout? Took me three years before my father finally let the reins slip.”

“…well, you are his son, sir.”

Arthur snorts. “So he should be protective of me?”

“So he’d be even more worried if you weren’t doing exactly what you were supposed to.”

“You have got a sense of humor.”

“We all have to pass the time somehow, sir.”

“I told you—“

“Drop the ‘sir,’ yes, I know. Force of habit.”

“Yeah, well,” Arthur mutters darkly, “not a bad one to have when Uther Pendragon is your captain.”

He can tell Lancelot’s giving him a look. “Yes, sir.”

When the silence gets a little too oppressive, Arthur shifts, pulling his coat tighter around him and sitting up. “So, what did the brief say?”

Lancelot lets him change the subject—good man— “the ring we’ve been looking into has recently moved operations. We aren’t sure exactly why but the trail they’re leaving suggests a supply chain issue. The sudden construction at the docks has interrupted part of their distribution network and they’re seeking alternatives.”

Arthur blinks. “You…did you memorize the brief?”

“I’ve got a very good memory.”

“I’ll say.” He adjusts his position again. “Did they let you know why we think it’s here?”

“Something about an old chemical factory, I think. There are channels that run under the harbor, some sort of old emergency procedure if anything were ever to breach the factory walls.”

“Possible escape routes.”

“Or smuggling tunnels.”

“You said you’ve only been with us a year?”

“A year this Thursday.”

Arthur taps his fingers on the steering wheel. “You’ve got very good instincts for someone so green.”

“You can’t blame me for not having my sea legs yet.”

Another laugh as Arthur glances over to see Lancelot’s deadpan face. “You let us sit here for three hours in silence and you’ve had this sense of humor?”

“Most stakeouts don’t come with ‘how to’ manuals, at least not anymore.”

Arthur’s about to retort when he catches something out of the corner of his eye. In a flash, he’s lowering himself, peering out over the dashboard as Lancelot shrinks in his seat. Their eyes track a single car, black, mid-size, driving over the bridge toward the factory gates. 

“Plate,” Arthur hisses and he watches Lancelot scribble it down, “make and model?”

“Got it.” 

The car drives up to the massive gates. Something flickers as the window rolls down, a hand emerging from the interior darkness to flash something at the camera. After a long moment, the gates groan as they open, the car disappearing inside as they close again with a thud. 

“Well,” Lancelot says quietly, “don’t suppose we can just follow them, can we?”

“Not in the car.” Arthur glances around. 

The gates are massive, truly, and there’s no way they can attempt to get through them inconspicuously. The factory is on one of the larger harbor docks, making it inaccessible from the land except by that one driveway. They’d need a boat if they wanted to get in on the other side, and that would be more conspicuous than another car driving up. 

He squints at the low wall near the very side of the dock. 

“Lancelot,” he says, pointing, “do you have the binoculars?”

“Yes, here.”

“Thank you.”

He peers closer. “Is it my imagination, or is there a door in the side of the wall there?”

Lancelot takes them, looking closer. “Looks like it.”

Arthur starts to pull on his coat. 

“Wait, where are you going?”

Arthur opens the car door, shrugging into his coat and making sure everything is where it’s supposed to be. “Going to have a quick look.”

“This is a stakeout,” Lancelot hisses, “not an investigation! We don’t have probable cause, we’ve got nothing!”

“You are new.”

“New and very aware of how often police abuse their power, sir.”

Arthur concedes with a nod. “Look, this old factory is city property. So are the docks. We’re allowed to walk up to the building, just not go inside it. Let’s just go verify that it is a door and then we'll come right back to the car, deal?”

Lancelot glares with the force of someone far older than them both. “I’m holding you to that, sir.”

“Technically I’m the one in charge.”

“I know.” Lancelot gets out of the car. “So we’ll just look at the door and come right back.”

“Why is it that I always get stuck with the smart-arse ones?”

“What was that, sir?”

“Nothing.” Arthur glares at him. “Are you saying the ‘sir’ on purpose now?”

Lancelot grins. “Perhaps, sir.”

Arthur just gives him a look s they skulk along the side of the docks. The cool night air turns frigid along the water, the waves kicking up bits of spray. Arthur pulls his coat tighter around him as they duck behind old concrete pillars and loading equipment. He keeps one eye on the factory gates and the other on their target. 

Finally, they duck behind a chainlink fence and slump against the wall. 

“That,” he pants through gritted teeth, “was much further away than I expected it to be.”

“Look,” Lancelot points, “a door.”

Arthur looks. “So it is.”

A very simple door, one that would lead right into the heart of the factory’s loading dock. The sign on it reads ‘Secured under City Order 9163.’

“9163,” he mutters to Lancelot who jots it down, “let’s look that up when we get back to the precinct.”

“We could also look it up in the car.”

“Alright, alright, we’ll go back, just…give me a moment?”

Lancelot turns to him, concerned. “Are you hurt?”

Arthur nods to the water. “Just not as used to the chill as I used to be.”

“I understand.”

They rest there against the wall for a moment longer before Arthur rallies himself. “Alright. Same as before, yeah?”

Only this time, they only make it halfway across. 

“Hey! Who are you?”

“Shit,” Arthur mutters, holding out an arm to pin Lancelot behind the pillar, “stay quiet.”

The flashlight sweeps like a death sentence across the empty shipyard. Arthur grits his teeth, hoping that it’ll sweep right over them, turn off, and go back inside. 

“What’re you yelling about?”

“I saw someone.”

“Out here?”

“Over there. Two people. Came from around the side.”

“Shit. Spread out! Find them!”

He hears the crunch of footsteps and risks a glance around the pillar’s side. There are three flashlights now, each going in a different direction. Thankfully, the one who spotted them didn’t seem to notice where they went. 

“What’s the plan,” Lancelot hisses, “do we stay here?”

Arthur looks toward the abandoned garage where they stashed the car. He nods toward it. “They haven’t spotted the car yet. If we can make it to the garage, we can hunker down and wait it out.”

Lancelot nods. 

“On my signal.”

It’s become a deadly game of hide and seek. They creep around the old crane and slip behind a stack of shipping crates. Every now and then, a flashlight beam will peek over at them and Arthur’s breath will catch in his throat.

Eventually, they make it to the base of the garage. That’s the good news. 

The bad news is that the ramp they need to take up to the car has absolutely no cover. 

Arthur mutters a curse and draws his gun. 

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Make for the car,” Arthur hisses, eyes on the beams, “I’ll give you a distraction.”

“I can’t let you do that—“

“I told you,” Arthur says, looking at him with a grin, “I’m the one that gives the orders out here.”

Without waiting for Lancelot to answer, he starts to move. 

“Pick me up at the corner near the gas station.”

He hears Lancelot duck back into their hiding space as he slowly makes his way to the other side of the garage. When he sees the flash of Lancelot’s watch, he kicks over an old set of paint cans. 

“What was that?”

“Over there!”

Arthur sees Lancelot dashing up the ramp and grins, turning on his heel and making for the edge of the factory. He jumps over old crates. He swerves around a concrete pillar. He hears the sound of them getting closer. 

A bullet whizzes past his ear. 

“Shit.” Armed and dangerous, right. “Alright, fine.”

He ducks quickly behind the shell of a car and pulls his gun, watching the flashlights get closer and closer. 

“Where’d they go?”

“Fan out!”

He glances behind him. Too far to run with them so close. Another shot hits the car and he stumbles back. 

“There!”

He aims for the shooter’s shoulder and they duck behind a car just in time. 

“Shit, they’re armed too!”

The flashlights disappear behind cover and he takes a chance. 

“There they go!”

“Don’t lose him!”

Just before he ducks around the last pillar, he looks back and fires. A yelp as he hits his target and he sprints for the gas station. 

Lancelot’s waiting, thank god, and he gets into the car and they peel away. 

He doesn’t quite whoop with joy, Uther’s trained that out of him, but he does laugh in a way that makes Lancelot look over at him with concern. 

“How’s that for your first stakeout?”

“There is so much I really want to say to you right now.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” Arthur says as they head back into the city, “I’m sure I’ll get an earful later.”

---------

Arthur walks up the steps to his door and takes a deep breath. He fidgets with the cuffs of his jacket and swallows. He carefully opens the door and takes his shoes off before walking tentatively toward the kitchen. 

Someone’s already there, rummaging in the cupboards. Shit. 

Well, better now than never. 

“Hey,” he says warily, “uh, how was your day?”

Merlin turns to glare at him. “How was my day? You shot me, that’s how my day was!”

Arthur winces. “I didn’t know it was you!”

“That was supposed to be a stakeout, Arthur. Stake. Out. You were not supposed to leave the car, you absolute clot pole, you were not supposed to get caught!”

“You weren’t supposed to be there! You said that you were only called in for—“

“I was called in, what was I supposed to do, say ‘no, actually, my partner is supposed to stake out tonight, can’t have him seeing me?’” Merlin glares harder. “That would’ve gone over just swimmingly, would it?”

“Well, maybe if you weren’t such a—“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Arthur Pendragon.”

Arthur raises his hands, edging into the kitchen. “Can I help?”

“I’d say you’ve done enough, but…” Merlin gestures at the bloody bandages from his first few attempts. “This is your mess after all.”

Arthur quickly shucks his jacket and washes his hands, coming over to carefully take the antiseptic and tuck his arm behind Merlin’s shoulder. 

“This will sting,” he warns softly, dabbing at the wound, “but it looks like it’s a graze.”

“I guess I should be thankful it was you that shot me, not Lancelot.”

“Oh, so you heard about him too?”

“The lieutenant wouldn’t stop bragging about him, of course, I heard.”

“Gwaine brags about everyone.”

Merlin snorts. “‘Cept you.”

“Oi!” Arthur pokes him gently in the side. “You’re lucky you’re injured right now, or I’d—“

“What?” Merlin smiles as he raises a challenging eyebrow. “You’d what?”

Arthur struggles for words for a few moments before angrily turning back to his work. He can hear Merlin snickering. “Shut up.”

“Or what, you’ll make me?”

“Yes, I will.”

“Ooh, how scary.”

Arthur’s retort sticks in his mouth as he finally sees the wound. He was right, it’s mostly a graze, but the streak of angry red against Merlin’s skin twists deep in his chest. He runs a thumb tenderly just under it, wiping away the last of the blood. 

“I don’t like seeing you like this,” he murmurs, the atmosphere closing in on them to create a bubble of intimacy, “especially when it’s my fault.”

“Hey,” Merlin says, gently lifting his chin, “it’s alright. You said you didn’t know it was me and it’s not even that bad. I’ve had worse.”

“You don’t exactly build up an immunity to getting shot, you know.” He looks pointedly at him. “Not even you.”

“What can I say, I’m just magic like that.”

Arthur can’t laugh, not when his hands are still too close to Merlin’s open wound. He bandages it with the utmost care, not too tight, not too loose, each movement a soft apology. Merlin lets him with the same fond smile on his face that he’s known to wear every time Arthur gets like this. 

“It’s not for much longer,” he says softly, “I’ll be back at the precinct before you know it.”

“I know.”

“And if you say I can’t handle it again—“

“I won’t.”

“Arthur,” Merlin says in that voice he knows Arthur is weak for and that’s not fair, “I’m alright.”

He glances up for a moment just to see Merlin’s face. “I know.”

The kitchen is warm and quiet. 

When he’s all done, he presses a kiss to the top of Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I shot you.”

“Mm.”

He looks up at Merlin with his puppy dog eyes. “Forgive me?”

Merlin rolls his eyes and cuffs him gently upside the head. “Prat.”

“I said sorry!”

#merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #arthur 'disaster bi' pendragon #dragonbabbles #fic

[voiceforourdaughters]

Why should I have to stroke my doctors ego to get healthcare?

WHY. I’ve heard it time and time again, I’ve experienced it time and time again. Why do I have to constantly play dumb to soothe my doctors ego so I’ll actually be treated? And even then, poorly. It was a smack in the face today when I saw the NP at my incredible cardiologists office and when I explain my increase of symptoms she immediately took me seriously. She instantly diagnosed me with a comorbidity that goes hand in hand with my condition since I’m presenting with all the symptoms. She asked what my other doctors have done and I had to explain while she looked on horrified that when explaining a half a dozen fairly serious symptoms, told me to 1. Lose weight, 2. Blood work is fine and nothing is wrong 3. Lie and diagnose me with a condition i don't have to obtain a prescription that should’ve been written for the REAL reason i needed it(fraud and fat phobic). 4. Do nothing because lab work (a fraction of diagnostic testing) looked ok. This time I was immediately prescribed new medications and we altered my currents, she explained all the options we could take, her opinion and let me choose which course i felt most comfortable with. She treated me like a human being, I didn’t have to literally play dumb and twiddle my fingers while I explain my issues in a uneducated manner because god forbid i google something or sound like I have any opinion besides giggle and go along with whatever they say. I’m not kidding when I realized it was bad but not this bad. Why does a doctor who spends less than 20 minutes with me, probably didn’t review my chart, and doesn’t live in my body think that i cant be articulate or make choices about my care? I’ve been suffering for months and months waiting for this appointment, have gone to countless other doctors, and not a single one listened to me or chose to diagnose me as anything other than a hysterical women stereotype.

This is only going to get worse, with the changes in healthcare these politicians, insurance companies and doctors have no idea how to treat women and POC. I could make another entire novel on obstetric and gynecological care and the countless women i’ve seen mistreated as well as myself in labor. The fact is we shouldn’t have to be begging our doctors to listen to us and treat us like human beings. With the policy changes coming I feel this is only going to decline further. I’ve seen for myself women especially being treated as sub par and our health care suffering because of this. I have seen first hand doctors completely disregard a woman’s choice while in labor and do what they want anyway. I’ve seen traumatic deliveries where they purposefully don’t chart what happened. I’ve seen and experienced the aftermath of this and I cant fix it, this isn’t the reality i want for my daughter and everyone else. We need to start holding these gaslighting doctors accountable, we need to demand treatment and diagnostic testing, we need to demand advocates for procedures and delivery because i am defeated by years of mistreatment that when a doctor finally treats me as human i could weep with relief and i know i am by no means alone.

#reproductive health #healthcare #womens health #womensrights #womenshealth #pregnancy #birth #birth control #medical #gaslighting

[saltypiss]

What's funny about the abortion thing is that the republican politicians couldn't come up with a good reason to vote for them. None at all.

Because they know banning abortion is just a bad thing for people, there is no way to actually argue against abortion.

Seriously, all they have is "It's killing someone!" But the opposite side has statistics, science, evidence, history, basic empathy and reasoning skills, basic understanding of pregnancy and the procedures and after effects, how poor the adoption process both is and how bloated it is with no takers, and half the voting base.

You can't argue with emotion when that emotion is you being a fucking pussy and not giving a shit about the actual harm being caused, entirely and solely because thinking of just the concept of something you'll never ever be involved in makes you mildly irrationally upset. Congratulations, your pussy feelings mean jackshit. The fact is, there is no argument against abortion. There is no argument for republicans. There is nothing. Their entire platform is maniacs rapists pedophiles murderers traffickers and more. There's source after news outlet after investigative journalism, after what they've openly and publicly said and done. They argue with emotion, no policy, no rational line of reasoning.

Like social security, ooo, it's tax they'll never get! We're being taxed to death! Wahh! Wahh! Got any actual proof or are you just going off anecdotes and what other uninformed angry people like you already are predisposed to believe? Literally, how did you come to this line of reasoning. Anything. Anything ever at all?

At some point all the arguments build up from behind the echobox and they just leave silently. Nobody is truly hard republican, they have no logical reason to be, they just hate something and want it to be something they never have to think about. Because again, they're pussy control freaks. But everyone grows up eventually, sometimes.

Eventually they'll realize the world ain't so small and they can stop pretending to know everything without having anything to show for it but devotion to an idea they could never explain to a crowd of people on a stage openly, other than a nazi rally.

Like I still haven't heard a good argument against gays or trans people. Just that they're flamboyant, gay, "unnatural" and weird. Oh no. The utter horror, life existing, and you caring about a very arbitrary aspect that has no scientific proof of anything.

Really republicans just build their entire ideology off the incomplete concepts and fan-fictions of others either paid to do so or unironically making those facebook tier memes.

Either way, holy hell it is hilarious to watch the in-fighting over Dump. 7-8 fucking years since before the elections. About. Fucking. Time.

For once I'm rooting for Dump, because it looks like he's got little chance, and he's causing in-fighting. Divide that party like the democratic party has to be having been the only rational option forever, forced to hold every ideology that isn't Hitler fascination.