#the amount of stress and depression and anxiety and wanting to *** i hate it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

r-truth · 1 year

Text

being 4:30am while studying for final exams makes extremely vulnerable to Thoughts but god god god i spoke to my therapist about my mom complaining that i’m taking too many years to finish college was a Good Decision. she made me feel really validated and unlike my mom, who’s worried about time and money (amidst fights with my dad), my therapist was glad that i was insisting on prioritizing my mental health above all.

#my mom wants me to hurry up and take final exams after final exams like. she doesn't know how BAD it is for me take 1 final exam #the amount of stress and pressure. i have severe social anxiety!! this could take me to extreme avoidance AND throw me into depression AGAIN #like i hate that she doesn't understand that #delfi.txt

4 notes · View notes

reasonsforhope · 5 days

Text

I don't know who needs to hear this, but especially with the end of the school year coming up soon, and a bunch of people about to leave high school or about to leave college, I just wanted to say:

Being an adult can be really nice, actually!!!

Like, okay, yeah, life can be fucking stressful sometimes, and there's definitely an annoying amount of paperwork.

But me and just about every single adult I know will agree: I would never choose to go back to being a teenager, even if I somehow could.

Insert obvious disclaimer that nothing is universal. But for people worried about aging or graduating into the next chapter of life, here's some words of reassurance:

When you're a teenager, your brain is extra mean to you. Like, neurologically. All of the changes it's undergoing really, really increase rates of depression/anxiety/etc. A lot of the time, literally just not being a teenager anymore is really good for your mental health

Less than five months out of high school, everyone I knew my age was like "Thank fuck we're no longer in high school." Once you leave high school and adolescence there's really just such a dramatic drop in petty bullshit. Shit that would have been a huge social humiliation or gossip in high school is really often just like, "Hate that for you, man." Boom, done.

When you're a teenager or a brand new adult, you're encountering so many problems for the first time ever. When you're older, you just. Have learned how to handle a lot more things. You know what to do way more often and that builds confidence

When you're an adult, other people generally don't care if you don't do things perfectly, because jobs and life don't work like grades. This was such a trip to learn, honestly? But when you are an adult or have a job the bar for success is usually just "Did you do the thing?" or "Did you do the thing well enough that it works?" or "Did you show up to work for your whole shift and look like you were doing things?"

Similarly, if you're about to graduate college and you're really stressed about it, fyi just about everyone I knew in college ended up very quickly going "wow, 'real life' is way easier." Admittedly I went to a school full of very stressed out perfectionists and the like, so I can't promise this is universal, but there's a very real chance that life will in many ways get easier when you graduate

WAY MORE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Literally I cannot overstate that last point. As an adult, you are (barring certain disabilities or shitty circumstances like abusive family/the criminal justice system/etc.) able to make most of your own decisions. If you want to rearrange your furniture, you can. If you want to eat tater tots at midnight, you can. If you want to get yourself a little treat, you can. You can sign contracts and make your own legal and medical decisions and not need a parent or guardian signature for just about anything ever again

You generally learn how to give fewer fucks

The people around you have also generally learned how to give fewer fucks

Even when things are shitty, being able to choose what kind of shitty a lot of the time can really be worth an awful lot

#not news #life #advice #hope #adolescence #teens #adulthood #adulting #growing up #getting older #life advice #abuse mention #autonomy

740 notes · View notes

eggsaladsandwhic · 1 year

Text

Vash Headcannons (SFW and NSFW)

Follow my previous posts about the Poly Knives x OC x Vash CollegeAU fic I'm doing so here's some ideas I gotta dump.

SFW/General

Ecology Major vibes, is also getting an Ethics minor

Hates chemistry with a burning passion

Makes a lot of friends, but only hangs out with a few so he doesn't overwhelm himself

Nurodivergent Vash!

(He/They)! Or (They/them) either works

Doing a stem degree while having ADHD and anxiety sucks so much but Vash thrives in it somehow

College has really been flaring up his plant traits lately, has to call Rem or talk to Nai on the weekly for help (Though Nai just keeps telling him to stop repressing it)

Has to wear long sleeves or hoodie a lot to cover up the feathering leaves that pop out.

Vash doesn't realize it but it's anxiety that's causing it, but Nai started lending him some compression shirts and so it's gotten better

BUFF DADBOD VASH (this idea possess me)

He's gotten better with dealing with stress and no longer resorts to starving himself

GOES TO THERAPY(one of these twins gotta do it)

Between Nai's cooking, drinking on the weekends, and the amount of donuts this dude can eat he's living his best life

Works out when he gets the time and bowls competitively

Wants a significant other (Mates for life) but it's so hard, especially when starts thinking about the fact he's not human

Has a fear of having someone he really loves and then them finding out he's a plant and reacting negatively. Vash thinks Nai and him would likely have to move back to the facility with Rem. He doesn't want to uproot the lifestyle him and his brother have

Gets a little depressed about it, but is really good with having a support group on standby

Gets hit on at bars a lot but it always flys over his head or they're too pushy about it.

Wolfwood sets him up with dates once in a blue moon but it goes horrible or the girls just don't like him for more than his looks

Physical touch is this man's love language and he just wants someone he can lean on

Add someone who likes doing domestic activities?? Y'all are going to the courthouse next week

Wants to just curl up next to someone even platonically at this point

Has an agreement with Nai sometimes that they sleep in the same bed like when they were kids (Nai always grumbles about it but sleeps better that night anyway)

Nsfw Below 👇

OH SHIT OH FUCK

(NSFW)

So I did some research today and did y'all know that wild purple geraniums have a tendency to be Hermaphrodites

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

Vash is a dual package (living the dream ong)

Plantussy and Plantdick combo meal

So I imagine that his dick would sit above his vulva and vagina? Testes would likely be internal (genuinely trying to form an anatomy basis I'm actually looking at a diagram rn)

As for his female organs I'd say he consented to a hysterectomy because it was causing growth issues (post op sucked but he figured it out)

Took testosterone for awhile until everything was functional

Became a lot more sexually comfortable with himself after this

6.5in prehensile tentacle dick, bumpy rounded ridges on the sides and little more on the girthy end

Has more of those downy soft petals that unfold during sex, and dick likely has a sheath because it's more fleshy (kinda like the inside of your mouth)

Hyperspremia and leaves a mess everytime he jerks off, squirts a lot too (probably got a dedicated bath towel at this point)

He has fucked himself with his own dick and usually prefers to

Owns quite a few sex toys and likes to experiment around a little bit

Goes from a Fleshlight, a regular dildo, has a couple fantasy ones, and anal and prostate toys

High sex drive, but can cum pretty quick (short recovery period, usually goes 3 rounds but can do more)

Rut is 10x worse too you'd be lucky to make it to the fridge

Makes sperm plugs during rut

SWITCH VASH(still a virgin though)

Desperate sex kinda guy, gets pussy drunk or cock dumb so easily, folds like a chair no matter what

Make him unfurl his wings out it means he trusts you so much

Please go down on him and absolutely devour him

Very sweet though and would definitely check in a lot (check in with him too it makes him feel fuzzy)

Has a sex awareness to not hurting you accidentally, during rut he's very nervous about it

Aftercare King (loves to shower or take a bath after)

More of a hickey giver than a biter

Usual kinks: Breeding, Pegging, Overstimulation, Cum play, cockwarming, Oral, Praise, Hair-pulling

Unusual: Blindfolding, Shibari(both ways around), Begging, wants to be degraded a little bit

Jesus my brain went wild there, I was doing research for some of this shit. Was supposed to be doing Geochemistry homework but this happened ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. Anyways gn y'all I got a 9am.

#trigun stampede #trigun smut #vash the stampede #vash x reader #vash headcanons #millions knives #vash smut #vash x you #vash is babygirl #trigun au #trigun vash

204 notes · View notes

sterekmpreg · 1 year

Text

I 100% believe that even though Stiles tried his hardest to enjoy his pregnancy with Eli, most times he just can’t. For the most part he can keep his feeling hidden in front of most the pack but when it comes to Derek, his father, and Peter he can’t fool them.

He’s in pain most days, all day. His nausea sets in early and stays all the way through labor, delivery, and recovery. His feet are swollen after the 4th month 90% of the time. He struggles without his medicine dosage, lacking his normal amount, and this causes his depression to peak. Some days, even in the early stages of the pregnancy, he can’t bring himself to move from the bed; this only gets worse after his 8th mo the an many days he's forced from the bed to walk around or go see the others. (he's grateful his family cares and makes he be proactive as much as he can because he knows sleeping won't help his anxiety or depression.) He has to completely put his college career on hold because he just couldn’t handle it on top of the stressful pregnancy. He’s Way more hormonal than most pregnant people, crying and uncontrollably for no real reason, having rage episodes, guilt because he loves his baby but hates the experience of carrying them. He’s overdue by weeks when his body finally has enough in him to give birth.

Birthing his and Derek’s son isn’t any better either. He screams his lungs raw, hands weak from griping sheets or his mate's hand, throwing up before almost all contractions, and not being able to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Eli is breached, feet out first like he was just born to go, go, go; “just like his mother,” Derek muses later and earns a weak laugh from Stiles. His water breaks early and by the time Eli decides to make his debut, there is not much of anything aside from his weak pushing to help Stiles get the baby out. He’s exhausted before he can even start pushing from all the pain and barley any sleep. Derek can only do so much and his scent/presence can’t even help soothe the human because werewolf babies don’t come into the world with ease, especially with a human male carrying/birthing them.

Stiles passes out the second he feels the baby slip out of him because his body just HAS to stop after all the stress and trauma of the last nine (nearly 10) months, only running on pure adrenaline and instinct at that point. He needs immediate care because he was bleeding out, fast. Derek has to leave the room because it's taking everything in him to to not bite Stiles to save him, even if he knows Stiles would never forgive him for taking his choice away. His dad gave blood to keep his son breathing and heart beating. When Stiles wakes up days later he’s in such a sick pain he can’t even hold his baby and he feels like shit because all he wants is his baby in his arms that he couldn’t even muster the strength to lift. He has to watch Derek hold their son to Stiles' own chest and won’t let anyone other than Derek, Deaton, his dad, or Peter even touch his cub until he can and he feels so bad but he couldn’t stand the thought of them holding his baby boy before he even has the power to.

Recovery is shit and slow and painful. Stitches take weeks to come out of his lower region. Post-partum depression hits him like a train and most days all he can do is cry after getting enough strength to hold his son for more than a few seconds to feed him. Guilt and self-hatred at being a horrible mom who couldn’t do anything right. Feeling like his pack, his family, hated him and wanted him to leave because he wasn’t good for Eli. It’s all hard. But it also makes the good swing in recovery so much happier for the while pack when Stiles is starting to be ‘pack mama Stiles’ again.

123 notes · View notes

missyaess · 1 year

Text

Until you get to know someone pt- 1.

Katsuki Bakugo x reader

tw: depression,anxiety and stress , maybe a little uncharacteristic for Bakugo? I’m not sure it’s my first fic :p

(Angst,frenemies to lovers)

As everyone gathered around Midoriya’s desk to talk about the exam you all just had,you were at your desk trying not to bawl your eyes out.You had always been a gifted child since elementary school -according to your parents- yet right now you were not living up to your potential -also according to them.-

It seemed like no matter what you did you were never good enough,like you used to be when you got into UA.Ever since the school year started you’d been having trouble sleeping,studying,eating,training and making friends.You didn’t imagine your years at UA would pass like this but here you were,another probably failed exam and no one to talk about your problems.

There were some people who tried to get close to you,like Mina and Uraraka but you never quite felt like you fit in with their groups.You didn’t feel enough and that made you uncomfortable.After a while you assumed they lost interest in you but they would still say good morning every day and talk to you during the day sometimes .You were really grateful for the little amount of human communication you were getting thanks to their kindness.No one was being mean or excluding you,it was just your own doubts and insecurities getting in your way.You knew that,yet it was harder to overcome your demons then simply just acknowledging them.

Yes, no one was bad.Except Katsuki Bakugo.You don’t know why but ever since you met him,he has been nothing but a pain in your ass.You would’ve expected him to pick on someone academically challenging to him,yet your grades were nowhere near his grades.You couldn’t fight back against him for too long either,so you had no idea why but he picked on you more than anyone else.You weren’t sure whether he was you as a friend or opponent or someone he hated.

A loud bang came from the door being pulled too harshly,and you didn’t need to look up to know who just came into the classroom.

He passed midoriya’s desk and stopped right in front of yours,your head buried in your arms as you were holding yourself back.

-So how was the exam for everyone?

You knew he was talking directly to you but ignored it.Everyone else answered him but his gaze was locked on you.After seeing you were ignoring him like you usually did,he kneeled next to your desk so he could see your face.

-Did ya not hear me?

-Now is not A good time, Kacchan.

You said in a mocking tone like you usually did while talking to him,without lifting your head up.

-I told you to stop calling me that!

-And I told you to stop bothering me!

He kicked your desk and you lifted your head at this.

-What the hell is your problem?Can’t you see I’m not willing to entertain you right now?Just give me a break!

He was taken aback by your response,which was unlike your usual snarky comeback.You noticed how everyone was looking at you by now and most of them had their eyes wide open at the scene in front of them.Everyone was used to your usual banter but they never saw you this angry.Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse,Bakugo came in the picture and ruined it further.You couldn’t deal with this right now.You got up and left the classroom as you felt the stare of a certain blonde behind your head.

You went into your dorm room and crashed into your bed.When you thought back to all your classmates witnessing you screaming like a toddler,even tho Bakugo deserved it, was embarrassing to think about.Today couldn’t get any worse.You dozed off into a much needed sleep.

After what felt like 15 minutes of sleep but was actually 2 hours as the clock showed, you heard a knock on your door.Grumpily,you got up and opened it.It was the last person you wanted to see right now.

-You look horrible.

As Bakugo said,you probably did look horrible with a drool on the side of your face and messed up hair.You decided to ignore his comment.

-What are you doing here?

Bakugo huffed and put his hands in his pockets.

-Look we were just talking in the common room with all the other dumbasses and…

As he took more time to gather his words you were becoming more and more impatient.He noticed this and stumbled on his words a little bit.This shocked you.

-L-Look what I’m trying to say is…I didn’t know you were going through a tough time and…I guess I shouldn’t have done that…

You were shocked,was Bakugo Katsuki,THE Bakugo Katsuki trying to apologize to you?You’ve never once seen him apologize, not even to his friends.

-Yeah,you shouldn’t have.

You crossed your arms on your chest.You couldn’t believe what was happening right now.You were going to enjoy every second of his torture.

-Well then maybe you shouldn’t have been such a-!

Bakugo stopped himself abruptly.Classic,you thought.Even as he was trying to apologize he still couldn’t hold his tongue back.

You didn’t feel angry or sad anymore,somehow a simple not-so apology from Bakugo made your day way better.Maybe because you knew how hard this must be for him.Maybe because you’ve never thought he looked cuter than he did right now.

-Thanks for trying to apologize,it means a lot.

You said truthfully and his eyes widened with surprise.You took a step closer to him and smiled.He was blushing,hard.

-Is this really so embarrassing for you?

You asked enjoying this new side of him.He got even redder at this and took a step back.

-Hah,you wish!I’ll see you tomorrow ya extra.

With that he hurried away,turning around to look if you were still looking once he took a couple steps and stuttering to himself when he saw you were.

You suddenly felt uplifted and better.Something felt like it changed today and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.But you knew you were looking forward to tomorrow.

162 notes · View notes

bunnidid-reviews · 11 months

Note

is it frowned upon to wish that one could dissociate or have an alter take over in moments that are awful and stressful? genuine question

Hmmm, this blog is really more intended on reviewing and sharing media about complex dissociative disorders, or could easily be related to CDDs. Certainly not an advice blog for this or anything else > < I think any more general questions about DID can be forwarded to @sundropglass (main blog) if at all, just to stay on topic here.

But since you asked, I may as well share my perspective a little bit. I urge you to read it all.

Of course it's something anyone would want. Shut off and let the stress be taken care of for someone else? go off to fairyland a bit? It's actually an extremely sophisticated way of functioning in the midst of trauma; tuck it away, get through the thing that you might otherwise feel like you're dying from.

But where does that stress go?

Say that you had a very stressful day. Maybe one thing after another kept going wrong. And all day, there was absolutely nothing you could do because you had to carry on with a smile on your face and act like everything's fine, while more dismays pile on top of you. Maybe on top of that, you end up having an argument with a loved one and now you have social anxiety and no sense of safety or relief.

This is not out of the norm. People live very stressful lives all the time. It builds up though, all that stress is piled into your immune system if you don't have any release.(Expressing emotions in a healthy manner) It comes out in the ways that maybe you get ill, or spend all day in the bathroom, or get a migraine. This is what we call the body keeping the score (a book I should read tbh). What the mind doesnt handle(dissociates from), the body will.

This is what people with CDDs regularly go through. Trauma = stress that's beyond your range of coping. Chronic trauma means chronic stress, just stored away in pockets upon pockets where its never dealt with until much later in life. This is why I don't think I know a single system who doesn't have some sort of chronic health issues. The initial trauma may not have killed them, but maybe the health issues that come from all this chronic stress might just finish the job.

This isn't even addressing what the disorder implies mentally.

Look up the symptoms of PTSD, look into personality disorders, attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation. Any trauma-based symptoms could come with a CDD, because there's nearly nothing special at all about DID or OSDD. They're not sectioned off 'incredible' disorders as much as media or people on the internet will imply. We are normal people who have been hurt. A lot.

We have this disorder because no one came to save us, so we had to turn to ourselves, sometimes at an extremely young age. There's no measuring the amount of hurt it takes for a young child to feel this alone.

Going off this ask alone, but because you wish you could dissociate to such the intensity as you're suggesting, tells me that you haven't actually. Daydreaming or spacing out is a very minor case of dissociation, but the level at which you're having alters would imply that you're hoping to dissociate much further than you actually think you want. Do you not want to recognize your own spouse, or be completely unable to be present in the best moments of your life? This doesn't shut off when you're happy again.

Say fine fine fine, yes yes yes to all of this, you could deal, because at least you'd be another person who would bear the responsibility for you.

I hate to tell you this, but that's not how alters work. They are, at the end of the day, still part of you. They don't magically whisk away all this stress they face, they'd still hold onto it, be strongly effected by it, and you're a lot more likely to have the same stress come back over and over again and go unprocessed because of the fragmentation involved.

If it's to ease off some of the responsibility of being yourself, then.. Well that's not what happens with DID either. Those of us with a CDD tend to feel overly responsible for everything around us, actually. It's not the escape you're hoping for.

In a short answer: Yes it is very believable to want this disorder, to want alters. That's understandable even!

But I'm also going to say this is frowned upon. There is a LOT more to these disorders than some spacing out and some cool characters. I hope you can understand a little more why this mentality is frowned upon; no one who has it actually wants it when it comes down to it

BUT i HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU ANON!! Please listen

It's okay to want to be someone else to get through the stress. It's even okay to turn off your brain and space out. These are natural human things. Just.. They don't have to be a disorder. There are some recommendations for coping that aren't hoping to have a CDD, but might suit you if you struggle with this:

Try to analyze your life and see what it is that's causing you so much stress that it makes you want to not exist in such a way. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, there are still little things you can do to make it better for yourself

Are there things you CAN change? Maybe you can look into getting professional help or finding a new job, or even so much as regularly tidying up the space you're in

Look up coping mechinisms and grounding techniques

Take breaks and let yourself really unwind. Read a book or go outside and look at clouds or something until you feel calm. I promise this feels way better than dissociation

Fun Coping Tools That Feel Like What You Want Out Of Dee Eye Dee:

create a story in your head. If you come up with a world all your own to explore, it feels like having an inner world

Create original characters you can "be". By this I mean be imaginative like when we were all kids. >>Here's a really cool version of what adults can do if 'playing pretend' seems too childish for you<<

Have some staring out a window time. Just let your mind go for a bit

None of this has to be disordered to be helpful, and have nearly the same effect that you're hoping for.

If you are at a point where you want to not exist for suicidal reasons, I really urge you to get some help. There's always someone who wants you to be around, even if thats some time in the future.

#askies #dissociative identity disorder #why yes I did word vomit on this sorry! I have some feelings about it #I think my blog does a not so great job at showing the harder parts of DID becauseeeee Iiiii am reviewing media thats not always accurate #I want people with CDDs to feel less alone in representation but it is far from wanting others to have the disorder bc its fun #actuallydid

54 notes · View notes

scribbsrambling · 1 year

Note

Sonic HC's:

Sonic is a huge fantasy nerd and loves D&D

Sonic wears contact lenses because his glasses "Make him look like a nerd" (He looks adorable when he wears them)

Sonic post Unleashed has a severe, incurable case of the Midnight Munchies.

Sonic taught both Tails and Shadow how to play an instrument

When Sonic was a Werehog, you could blackmail him into doing a lot of stuff using headpats and scritches behind the ear. Tails took full advantage of this every chance he got.

Sonic is extremely clumsy, and uses his speed to often cover up his many, many failures to do something cool.

Sonic is not allowed to play Tennis against Shadow. The last time the two were in a match, the ball ended up being blasted through an entire city and was found in orbit around the moon.

Sonic is actually really, really smart. Almost as smart as Tails. He's just never applied his intelligence all that often.

Sonic usually plays guitar in order to relieve stress. He plays guitar a lot these days.

Sonic doesn't take the best care of his quills, but he wishes he had the time to do so.

For safety reasons, it is illegal to serve Sonic anything with Caffeine in it. This is because it works a little too well for him, especially if combined with sugar. He will appear to be standing still, but will actually be literally everywhere on the planet at once, and it freaks people out.

Although Sonic would never use a gun, he isn't the least bit averse to slapping someone with his guitar, full-force. It was specially made just for this purpose, and everyone knows that if he's reaching for his guitar, it's okay. If he's brandishing it like a bat, it's time to make peace with whatever God you believe in, because he's gonna send you to them right then and there.

Sonic will never grow up to be tall, but he will have the ability to eat as much as he wants and never gain any sufficient amounts of weight.

Sonic has a love-hate relationship with cheese. He loves cheese, but cheese doesn't love him back.

Sonic sleeps like a dead man. If he's out, he is out, and nothing will wake him, save for the aforementioned Midnight Munchies.

Sonic has a terrible habit of using humor to mask trauma, anxiety, and depression, among other issues.

I hope you enjoy these, and use them however you wish

ok but why do most of these already seem canon lmao??

#the werehogs ones tho😂💕#ok but when u said love/hate relationship with cheese #did you mean Cheese the Chao??#idw sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sonic hcs #cheese the chao #sonic the werehog #sth hcs

44 notes · View notes

restingobject5757 · 10 months

Text

This artwork is of copper in the snow with yn, the story this is from is @llamagoddessofficial

(TLDR: Lama is amazing, and her story changed my life, Thank you lama for being so cool!)

So, some background information on me. I’m a 20-year-old female who has struggled to read all my life. I have autism, ADHD, additory prosing disorder, depression, anxiety, and social anxiety. Most my life I was bullied, harassed, and hit by other students.

So just with that, I hated to read. Teachers forced me to read, and when I little, and when I didn’t improve, they just stopped trying. This left me unable to read when I got to hight school. All “real” novels I have read I have hated with a passion. So, reading, writing, and anything to do with books I hated. I even struggled to enjoy reading graphic novels.

However, I love stories, but with no friends for most my life, I didn’t have many times for people to read to me. But some years ago, 3-4, I had come across your work by chance. I don’t remember how but when I had found it, I fell in love. Like, I was taking screen shots of your work to make sure I could read it when I wasn’t able to take my computer with me. Every chapter had me giddy, sparking my love for Undertale once again. Then when I finally reached the end, I was too scared to finish it because I didn’t want it to. For fear that there would be nothing left, but then I found your Tumblr. To say I read it all was an understatement, I have them organized, just if I’ve had a bad day and want to de-stress fast. You even inspired me to start to wright my own, something I never thought I would be able to do.

But for all these years, I said nothing. Petrified I would make a fool of myself, and never be able to read your amazing content again. I made artwork after artwork but was too scared to send it. So, for years I read from the sides making stuff but never for it to see the light of day. Until a few mouths ago, my friend convinced me to make a Tumblr to try and show my work. Even now I’m still scared to the bone that somehow this is all a mistake, and I am making a big fool of myself. But I hope that I’m wrong. So, I want to express my Thanks. Lama thank you for making me, fall in love with Undertale again, and thank you for making me fall in love with reading. Btw the story was Agger(g/v)ation.

(also if its ok with you, would you like to send me more work that I have made around you au, because there is a good amount)

#undertale #art #digital media #sans #sans undertale #Undetale Au

7 notes · View notes

mars-ipan · 11 months

Note

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

#ask #ghost #marzirants #i am sick of being told i’m normal and then getting yelled at for being myself #if anyone is an ass on this post and doesn’t consider the context or nuance within i will kill :)#anywho thx ghost. that one’s been simmering for a but #a bit* whoopsies #once before i got dxed i was trying out a new therapist #and after an in-depth explanation of my fear around driving and the built up shame i had from still just having my permit #she told me to ‘just get in the car and drive’#girl do you think i didn’t try that. my whole issue is that i can’t ‘just’ do it i was hoping we could work on the THREE MENTAL BLOCKS there #anyways i never went back to her. i still seethe a bit when i think abt it #anywho. sick and tired of being denied help and then chastised when i survive anyways #like yeah i’m alive. be a lot FUCKING better if you just gave me a hand though #but noooo because i’m not falling apart in front of you clearly i’m dramatic #tbf i have an incredibly high pain tolerance and have been an expert masker since i was a child #but still. not all disability is visible asshat. am i supposed to be able to function on my own or not why is there no right answer #anywho i’ve always felt a lot of connection to those with chronic fatigue #probs bc we both have deal with ‘it’s not that big a deal’ or ‘you’re being lazy/sensitive’ or ‘just suck it up’#not to mention constant anxiety is EXHAUSTING. fight-or-flight takes up so much energy dude

9 notes · View notes

skelettflickan · 1 year

Text

a very sincere and heartfelt rant

my life has improved so much since i got a dog..... it’s done more for my mental health than any amount of therapy ever has. she’s a tricky little dog with many issues (we’re working on them, some have improved a lot!), but we help each other as best we can. i used to have crippling social phobia, but because i wanted HER to be well socialized and have friends, i made sure to meet lots of dogs and their owners, and we both got new friends, and eventually, interacting with people didn’t fill me with anxiety anymore. it’s nice to be able to enjoy spending time with friends without the constant fear that they secretly hate me. i don’t think i’m depressed at all anymore? the only thing standing in my way now is the lack of energy, i still get tired way too easily. but i guess that’s normal if you’ve been depressed like half your life? i hope my energy levels will increase with time, although i don’t think i’ll ever be able to work full time if i’m being honest (on account of the autism, not being able to filter sensory input tends to make you tired). don’t think i’ve mentioned being autistic on here before, but i only got diagnosed a few years ago. explains a lot about my childhood tho lol. i’m thinking about switching fields to something other than illustration, freelancing is way too stressful. so i’m trying an internship at a school (teaching is something i’ve actually thought about doing), and it’s going pretty well. if i feel like it’s a sustainable career path energy-wise i might go down that road.

anyway, i’m actually enjoying life nowadays, something that used to feel impossible, and i’m so so grateful for my little puppy that made it all possible

#might delete this later we'll see!!#just feeling grateful for everything right now and wanted to express that somewhere #if someone who's currently struggling with mental health reads this i want you to know that there is hope!#things can get better #i have been depressed (often severely) for almost half my life #i'm close to thirty and things are so so much better now #i know myself better #i know what works for me #i know who i am #i know i have worth as a person #i know i have people in my life who loves me and who i love #i know i am a good person and when i'm not i try to do better #i care about other people deeply and i want to help them when i can while still not draining myself #sending good vibes y'all!!

20 notes · View notes

hightowertealights · 4 months

Text

mutual aid request for nonbinary, queer couple

I hate to talk about myself with what’s going on in the world and to ask for help but times are tough and if I want to help the world one day like I plan to I have to survive to be able to do so. the last year and a half has been really hard. My health has taken a turn for the worse and as such I have tried and failed to keep multiple jobs.

I have a spine injury and suffer from chronic pain, and I also have chronic fatigue as a result of chronic stress reactivating the Epstein-Barr virus in my body many times in my life. I also suffer from pre menstrual dysphoric disorder, and a host of mental health conditions including PTSD, insomnia, anxiety, and depression. Other people I suspect that I am likely neurodivergent as well. I have multiple university degrees but I am currently too sick to work. I had a good job working at an academy but was railroaded and fired for my mental health at a time when my employers knew I wouldn’t be able to fight for my rights. I worked a job I loved at a forest school, but was being evicted whilst working there, and was let go for how my mental health whilst fighting eviction was coming out at work. I also fell at work at the forest school and fractured multiple ribs and my sternum, which are still healing. After losing that job, I attempted to get a job outside of my field and fell on the way to work, injuring my tailbone and causing flare ups with my pre existing spine injury. I dealt with eviction for months and got through it by the skin of my teeth because the property I was living in changed agencies, with the letting agency forcing my partner and I to share one bedroom because they deemed us not worthy of our own spaces because we did not know any homeowners who could have co signed our rental agreement. They have squeezed four people into a two bedroom flat, but nowhere else would take us because my previous letting agency my reputation was being affected by the eviction process, because of discrimination based on earnings, and because the agency previously managing the property I live in has stolen between £700 and £800 from me and left me in financial ruin.

I have been deemed by the government as too sick to work and not needing to look for work, but cannot survive on the benefits I am receiving, and am repeatedly being denied financial aid by the government for being too sick to work. Before Christmas, I had my final appeal for my Personal Independence Payment and was again denied. My partner is autistic, and suffers from a host of mental illnesses including PTSD, anxiety, depression, and anorexia. They are also deemed as too sick to work at present by the government.

We are both nonbinary, queer people who are struggling a lot in our current circumstances.

I have an MRI tomorrow to hopefully find out more about what is wrong with me, but I need to try to find some work, because I have negative no money and so does my partner. But I’m too sick to work, though I might be able to more than they can right now.

if anyone can spare anything I would be eternally grateful:

cash app: £ZandraGrace

PayPal.me/panspixie

damn it sucks that PayPal has to deadname me like that

#mutual aid #financial aid #help #queer #trans #nonbinary #nonbinary aid #Queer aid #trans aid #disabled

2 notes · View notes

bubbleonice · 6 months

Text

Chris Evans and Alba Baptista:

Request here is what’s the relationship like between this two and if there marriage has a future.

I am warned that readers are very sensitive about the subject about this marriage. Please keep in mind, I am a tarot reader who has been asked this question, and I am just delivering a message through my cards. For whatever reason if this reading is not to your liking, please just skip. Thank you❤️

Chris:

Angel of emerge: for the longest time Chris has been hiding. Hiding from his true self and true feelings. Not wanting people to know certain things. Keep secrets. It is now time for the real him to emerge. This is the true emergence of his true nature which until now he has denied to most of those around him. It took him some time to come to this difficult decision. But once he did come to this conclusion he was determinded.

Energy work: Healing his own energy is important. Too many are now trying to drain him for his energy and he needs to be aware of the importance of refilling and regaining his energy. This marriage has been a target for gossip and attention both of good and bad. The exposure of it has been exhausting.

It’s not an emergency: although it’s clear that things are in the midst of change, there’s no need of unnecassary drama. He has felt threatened and afraid and he doesn’t want to feel that anymore. There has been negativity and ill wills sent his way for a certain amount of time and it has been hurtful, depressing and tiresome. He wants to calm himself and reconnect to himself. There’s no real emergency, just a need to respond to the changes at hand gracefully.

Elevate: he is making the consious decision to raise the vibration of love. This is his decision more than anyone elses.

Children: He is definetely thinking about children and includes them in his future plans. He wants children. He wants to start a family.

Knight of pentacles: When he appears in a reading, commitment to a cause or relationship is in question. A step up from the Page of Pentacles, this cavalryman is just as dedicated but much more mature and experienced. In a love context, the upright Knight of Pentacles represents a new partner. This won’t be a whirl-wind relationship. The intention is for this to last.

9of swords: however this relationship has also caused Fear, anxiety, panic, negativity, intense dissatisfaction, stress, burden, overwhelmed, at breaking point, incapacity to cope with or confront life, mental pain and exposure to gossip and lies. He has felt defeated at times. Even hated.

Friendship: this marriage is not just based on love but also friendship. It’s a nurturing relationship on many levels.

Alba:

Angel of pleasure: she is reminding herself that it is ok to take pleasure in the things she does. It’s ok to enjoy the time being newly wed. It’s ok to be happy.

Giving and recieving: To balance out the negativity in life it is important for Alba to remember to send out love and light in order to recieve back love and light. Keep doing so and have faith.

Reach out: she has been putting up a defensive shield and believing that there has been enemy forces out there from which she must be protected from and withdraw. She needs to examine herself and her body posture. Is her arms folded tightly against her chest? Does she turn her body and eyes from those around her? Is she holding herself away from others? It is time for her to change that and start to reach out to the world again.

Action: She has the courage to express the unique loving colors of her soul.

Give your relationship a chance: when I said Chris was the one to take initative to this marriage is because I feel the cards here are telling me, Alba was scared all along. She was afraid of the reactions, the gossips, the hate, but she was asked over and over to give this relationship a chance.

The Emperor and the Queen of cups: here we have a powerful combo. The Emperor is the fourth card of the Major Arcana, and represents power, authority, and structure. The Emperor can also represent masculinity, and traditional gender roles. In combination with the tarot card Queen of Cups, The Emperor brings a sense of conviction and steadfastness to the reading. His energy encourages the individual to take control of their feelings and emotions, and to approach The Queen of Cups can represent the feminine aspect of intuition and emotion, and encourages the individual to trust their instincts and connect with their inner guidance. In combination with The Emperor, the Queen of Cups brings a sense of emotional intelligence and empathy to the reading. She encourages the individual to approach situations with compassion and understanding, and to connect with their emotions to make intuitive decisions.

This combo gives a hint about your actual state and close future, which is influenced by the arcane tarot forces of (A) Warmth and (B) Control. Nesting is your way of feeling secure. Coming home to candles and blankets is the ideal way for you to express your cozy personality and nurture your inner child. It is also a way of telling your past that just because you were once not able to feel safe, doesn’t mean it will be that way forever. This duo brings together two powerful forces – warmth and control – to create a balance that can lead to some serious success. Now, when it comes to the Queen of Cups specifically, we’re talking about unconditional love here. This gal loves openly and deeply without any reservations. And let me tell ya, that’s about as positive an energy as you can get in matters of the heart.

However we also got the 7 of wands: The Seven of Wands represents standing up for what you believe in and not wavering in those beliefs. When others put you in a position to argue your point, you rise to the occasion.

Passion: this marriage ia a magnetic and seductive one.

So question about: will this marriage have a future:

The empress reversed: Because of outside interference, this marriage will always be filled with Insecurity, lack of confidence or growth, overbearing tendencies, a rupture in peace, disharmony. You will let yourself be in the background of your life. You are letting others rule your decisions and emotions. Outsiders taking concerns and interfering.

King of swords: In a general context, the King of Swords represents structure, routine, self-discipline, power authority. can represent legal matters, law enforcement, military, police and judges. Maybe a divorce, maybe someone getting sued in time.

Strength reversed: Self-doubt, vulnerability, insecurity, lack of confidence, anxiety, raw energy, weakness, doubt, and disbelief. In the end, things will end too complicated to endure. Too much negativity.

I hope you enjoy this reading. And please keep in mind that this is done for entertainment purposes only. I use tarotcards and oracle cards actively in my readings, as well as my intuition. Energies come and go, what is relevant for today’s reading might change in a few weeks time. But some aspects will always remain constant and the same. Thank you.❤️

#celebrity tarot #intuitive readings #tarot reading #chris evans #alba baptista

6 notes · View notes

putmenthedirt · 8 months

Text

rant about my mental health and trying to get health insurance

i need to get into the doctor so bad like my anxiety is getting out of control and i can’t manage it on my own anymore. i’ve been trying to get my insurance all set up but they make it so much more complicated than it needs to be so it ends up stressing me out, which then just makes me even more anxious.

i have this form i need to fill out and give the human services people by monday and half of the information i need to fill out and so dumb and like yes it’s overallly pretty easy for me to do it but it’s the effort i have to put in that is stressing me out. plus it’s so confusing that i have to read the prompt/directions like 5 times to even understand it and even then i ask my mom just to make sure i’m filling it out right. also i’ve been sick for like a month but i don’t have insurance to pay for a covid test so for all i know it could literally be covid. being sick and also having constant panic and anxiety attacks is actually the worst thing i have felt in a whole and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

i also can’t even bring myself to get a job with this anxiety because it’s so debilitating and idk what to do. i don’t want to see a therapist but i think i’m going to have to because i have no clue how to keep coping with this. and i stopped taking my old medication like probably a year ago because i hated the fact that i depended on it to feel better but now i’m realizing that i’m much rather depend on medicine than feel the way i do rn. i was talking with my mom and she said that my sister (who i think i have either the same amount of anxiety, or possible more) was given the option to do inpatient anxiety treatment, and if i’m being totally honest, i desperately want to do that until i can function like a normal person.

and not to mention, when my anxiety gets worse, so does my depression. but it also feels like i don’t even focus on my depression as much when i’m constantly having anxiety attacks, which to me feels like it’s better that way but also i just have this dread and suicidal thoughts just hanging over me.

plus ik i’ve already been diagnosed with severe anxiety and severe depression so like obviously this makes sense but i was doing so good for the better part of this year until something (i still have no clue what (i’m lying, i have some clue)) triggered my anxiety again.

i also have no clue if this is good for me BUT i’m thinking of maybe going to a nutritionist/dietician to help me figure out what i should eat to make me feel better too. bc i know the food you eat and the exercise you do really does help you feel better.

so yeah. idk i just needed to get this all off my chest to at least feel kinda better.

if anyone read all this, luv u n thank u <3 i hope ur feeling better than i am

#ziggy’s thoughts are stardust

2 notes · View notes

sunrisethoughts02 · 1 year

Note

Inbox justkenz for mental health help 💜

Hi there, lovely human! I'm so glad you dropped by today :) this is a really great question, and I will do my absolute best to answer it! Please keep in mind I am not a licensed professional, and I'm also still on my mental health journey. These are just things that helped me, and I hope they help you!

Know Yourself. This is huge. I knew so little about who I was before I started an intentional process of trying to discover who I am, what my triggers and traumas are, etc. This is also really important because it directs your attention to the positive aspects of your personality and self, not just the parts you might struggle with. It's also important to understand that what worked for others - and is held up as this 'glorified self-care system' - might not look exactly the same for you. For example: I struggle with multiple autoimmune conditions, and the 'aesthetic' meals I copied off tiktok and youtube were actually hurting me, not helping. they might work for the creator, but self-care isn't copy and paste. it's a continuous, evolving process of attending to your individual needs. while therapy is of course great for assisting in this process, it can be really expensive. thankfully, many incredible resources are totally free. I would recommend journaling, yoga, and mindfulness as a great place to start. you can literally just search 'journal prompts for self-knowledge' on google, and there's lots of free meditations/podcasts/yoga classes. actually, i need to do a post specifically focusing on this really soon!

It might feel worse before it gets better, and that's okay. self-care is one of the most beneficial things for mental wellbeing. it can be extensive as taking a vacation, but for me it started with basic hygiene. it's hard for me to admit how hard basic hygiene was, and in depressive episodes, still is. I hated self-care at first because I always felt worse afterwards, and what's the point in taking aromatherapy baths if you feel more stressed afterwards?? I didn't know that it was actually my past trauma rising to the surface and releasing through my body and nervous system - traumas built on self-trust issues and fear. if this is the case for you, it's perfectly okay!! the media usually presents self-care rituals as these luxurious, stress-free, elaborate rituals. if yours, as mine did, end by crying on the bathroom floor, that's just fine. it's your body releasing old energy and trauma, which is usually negatively impacting your mental health. don't give up!! it will get better, and your brain and body will feel so much lighter after working through it.

What you eat matters. A lot. sugary/processed foods have a vast negative impact on depression and anxiety. unfortunately, that is exactly what my sad/scared brain craves. it's important to build healthy food habits into everyday life. I saw a huge impact on my mental health when I started paying attention to my food. this is not counting calories (in fact, please don't do that.) this is not restricting the amount of food you eat. it's eating as much as you want of foods that restore your energy and help clear your brain. lots of healthy fats and good proteins :) I eat keto/carnivore due to intense dietary restrictions, but I would recommend looking into Whole30, paleo, and keto lifestyles to see if it would work for you.

Spirituality. this was huge for me in my personal life, but these practices aren't confined to one specific belief system (and can still be beneficial without one at all.) for me, this looked like prayer, time in the Scriptures, and meditation. but meditation and gratitude practices can exist without any specific belief system and are helpful regardless of what you believe. any form of daily gratitude practice - whatever that looks like for you - is incredibly beneficial to mental health. again, there's tons of amazing resources online.

I tried to go through my biggest thoughts, but this was such an amazing question I could talk for hours!! I'll definitely do some mini-series posts on breaking down these topics and listing some specific resources. I wish you an amazing future, and don't hesitate to share any more questions/thoughts/comments! <333333

#self knowledge #self improvement #self care #self love #self help #mental wellbeing #mental wellness

4 notes · View notes

stitchthesewounds · 10 months

Text

Stitch and I got a boba tea slush today.

We are having a bad day. Anxiety through the roof, hopelessness blanketing every inch of breathable space, I don't know what to do anymore. Two months of job searching, of selling my possessions, of doing odd jobs and taking commissions for my barely acceptable "art," doing everything I can to take care of my bills all while battling severe depression and anxiety, only to end up barely passing the test and working a mere three days before making a critical mistake and getting let go... I can't help but feel like it was fate. I feel like I was never meant to make it in this world, like I'm a loser and always will be, like there is something fundamentally wrong with me that can never be made up for or changed, and that I am helpless against invisible forces who have already decided the course of my life to be a cruel and pathetic one. I've never been good enough. I will never be good enough.

The weight of my responsibilities crushes me now. It's too late, I won't find another job in time, I don't know what else to sell or what else to do, I fear I won't make my rent or anything else. So what do I do? Spend money. Spend money on boba. Because I'm a pathetic mess that can't sort out her priorities and can't make the right decisions. Sometimes I feel so incapable, so inadequate, of handling any adult responsibilities. I feel like a child in an adults body. Like I'm not ready for the world. I want to run and hide from it. I tell myself it's an act of self care, to take my mind off the stress of what's happened, to make myself feel better in order to do what I need to do next, but I can't help but judge myself for it, and wonder if it's just an excuse to overconsume and feed my ED.

I know that I need to start over... again... start the lengthy, anxiety-inducing process of putting in 20+ applications a day again, of fearing the interviews and presenting myself as confident and capable when I am anything but again, of stressing about finding the right clothes to wear when I've outgrown everything, of feeling more hopeless and more stressed with every day that passes as unemployed...

I feel so incredibly overwhelmed by it all. So many steps, so many days, so many emotions I can't handle. I feel like i can't handle anything at all, and I'm shutting down. It's too much, I'll never get through it, I'll never make it anywhere, I can't. Pathetic excuses, I know. It's just so much and I don't know how to deal with it.

I don't see any hope. Not like I ever did in the first place. Fear for survival, for consequences, drove me. I honestly don't know how I even did as much as I did before this, I don't know how I put in so many applications and did those handful of interviews and made it through while being so depressed and hating myself so much, and I don't think I can do it again. I can't see any sort of future or any hope at all that things will get better. How can I keep going, how can I plan for my bills or for getting a job, when I don't even see as far as the end of the day? I don't see any way out, any way up, only down, and I don't want that.

Stitch gave me a big hug when I got the call and he hasn't let go of me all day. I don't want to disappoint him, i can't. I need to be better than this. I have to be. I need to be flawless or I won't get hired. I need to be flawless or I won't deserve to exist. And I am only riddled with flaws, and they just grow as my waistline does every single day. I am a truly disgusting being.

I don't know what to do. I sat on the couch in tears for awhile, paralyzed by the overwhelming amount of adult tasks that squeeze my throat l, and the only thing that got me up was the thought of boba. Like a true fatass, I dragged my mascara-streaked face and my best friend to the tea shop for some sugar, left so as to not be observed my judgemental eyes, and sit on the couch at my emotionally abusive fathers house, pondering the reason for my existence and whether I need to exist at all.

Why am I the way that I am? Why doesn't anything work the way that it should, the way everyone tells you it does when you're a child? Why does everything i feel come all at once or not at all? Why does it feel like I'm not actually living at all? Why does true happiness not exist in the real world? Will anything ever be enough?

I don't know what Stitch would say to me right now. I don't know if I want him to encourage or to berate me. I wish I could say something positive and uplifting, something that makes it sound like I'm winning the recovery game and am on my way to a better life, but it's just not here in the cards today. I'm crushed. I feel hopeless. Nothing makes it better. Stitch being in my arms is the only thing I want to feel

#stitch #lilo and stitch #mental instability #mental illness #mental heath issues #boba #boba tea #bubble tea #kinda depressing #tw depressing thoughts #hopelessness

5 notes · View notes

hermo-dactylus · 10 months

Text

I think we need to shed more light on how fucked normie american society's wedding expectations are. These past 6 months have been absolute hell on earth for me. I've fallen down into the deepest depression I've ever had, my PD has gotten so bad where I'm basically having an attack every day, my room is a mess because I have no life outside of work and planning and I'm too overwhelmed, I'm losing weight, my hair is falling out, my face is covered in stress acne, i literally can't go 💩 bc I'm so stressed, i have absolutely no appetite.

Don't let anyone push you into some dumb and expensive wedding for literally a couple hours of your life. Getting eloped or court married is not "the wrong way". The modern wedding industry and wedding culture in America is a giant money sucking vampire that needs to be kissed by a wooden stake a thousand times.

I have to babysit a large group of people (most of which are my massive family and didn't have a say in inviting or not) and make sure they don't get "offended" that our ceremony is polytheist, that we have (god forbid!!) Lebanese food (ofc included vegan, vegetarian, and gluten free options but it's not hotdogs and BBQ so), no garter toss, etc. I have been getting shit from my entire family the whole way, yes they are technically working their asses off with me but that doesn't negate the fact that I've been fighting them the whole time and it adds a significant amount of stress to my life.

I can't talk to my grandma anymore without me going into an anxiety attack bc just talking about wedding stuff triggers me. I also hate the social obligations- i got yelled at for talking to a friend i haven't seen in 5y at my bridal shower and my mom is hyping me up saying I'm going to be talking to so many people i won't be able to eat, yeah no lol. After all of this i don't want to speak to another person besides fiance again for the next 600 years.

There's also so many god damn extra costs like I'm already sacrificing my sanity and my life force energy and my money for this whole function and you're telling me i need to pay all of my bridesmaids and get them gifts?? NO! I have to spend extra money on food for people that don't like Lebanese? NO! I have to get "real" favors? NO! I don't care about being a "bridezilla" at this point I'm so done.

I wish i could go back in time and badger my fiance into letting us elope bc i remember bringing it up a bunch when we first got engaged and he told me he would feel bad if we "didn't do it the right way" prime example of how society grooms people's expectations of what's "right" and what's "improper" now we're both reaping bc I'm stressed as a cat in a rocking chair factory and he feels super guilty about not being here bc we're LD. Mega regret was had on both sides.

This is basically a giant rant and i honestly have zero excitement for my wedding next Saturday. I just want it to be over at this point. I think I'll be more excited the week after the wedding honestly bc that's when we move in together and get to do all the fun stuff like decorate and cook together.

End of rant and if you made it this far ily 💕

#tw mental health #tw panic attacks #tw anxiety #wedding planning #wedding culture #rant #a giant rant

4 notes · View notes