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buttercream-princess · 1 year

Text

Playing The Game

Summary: Y/K and Dean have been secretly enjoying a friends-with-benefits arrangement for some time now, relishing in the pleasure and excitement that it brings. But when Dean unexpectedly reveals his feelings about someone else while under the influence, Y/K is left reeling and wondering where their relationship truly stands. Y/K must decipher between her newfound emotions and unspoken desires what she really wants: lust or love?

Word Count: 9k

Warnings: Whole lotta’ ANGST, little bit of fluff, swearing, sexual objectification kink, SMUTTY AF, unprotected sex, quickie, public sex, unholy dirty talk, NSFW, interactive

DISCLAIMER: Every original Harry Potter characters in this story is 21+. My Hogwarts stories are always and only written as a university universe with grown ass characters.

Notes: This one has been sitting in the drafts for awhile. I’m thinking of turning it into a 5 part series because I’m too attached to this Dean at this point (Just like Y/K lol) - he’s so cheeky, I love it!

*Gifs and images were not created by and do not belong to me. All rights go to owners and creators!!

(Not edited | proof-read)

_______________________

You sleepily reach for your phone underneath your pillows and sit up against the bed frame.

You check your notifications; still no text from Dean.

Tired and irritated, you let out a groan of frustration and slump back underneath your covers. All you could think was how much you missed him, it was an unfamiliar feeling borderlining on uncomfortable. You never ached for a response from him, since you always had access to him. You were each other's person, but that now seemed called off. It felt almost unfair how easily he was going on with life without you.

It was a long night of tossing and turning, you were unable to get any sleep. Once the birds began their routine songs at dawn, you knew there was no point in trying to get some shut eye, class begins in a few hours.

You couldn’t even think about studying today, you were bitter and strung up. It was all his fault. If he just reached out to you, that would’ve put your racing thoughts at bay. At this point, even an emoji text would’ve been fine. But no, he was radio silent.

Your argument aside, Dean ghosting you was so out of character for him. Dean always made sure to check in with you, you guys were basically joined at the hip. You and Dean have been good friends since your first week at Hogwarts University. You took up the Magical Fine Arts class as an elective in the 1st year. It was Dean who asked you to be his model for the end of year project, to which you agreed to and along the way, you found yourself spending more time with him than you were studying. Dean was funny, charming and adventurous, just your kind of fun. It seemed he had a strong liking for you too because over time, the two of you were inseparable; wherever you saw him, you were always by his side and vice versa.

But over the last summer, your relationship with him developed into something more physical. It started platonic and friendly but as the semesters passed, your body couldn’t deny his sex appeal anymore. One night at your studio dorm after 2 and a half bottles of red wine, you were both wasted and bonding over your love of muggle music since the both of you were half-blood. That night you went from bestfriends to lovers in private and there was no looking back.

You both agreed to keep it under wraps in consideration of not rocking the boat that was your friend group with Blaise, Lee and Alicia. The odds of awkwardly tinting the group dynamic with your situationship was too much to take a chance on. So for the sake of secrecy, all emotions and entanglements was off the table. It kept your friendship balanced. It was simple and you liked it that way.

As for Dean in the bedroom, he’s incredibly cocky and is well aware of the power he has over you. Although you’ve never casually talked about your attraction to him, he remembers every moan and moment of begging that left your mouth while he turned you out. He always finds a way to remind you just how needy you are for his dick. Most late nights you’d get a text from him, saying, “Can’t sleep. Come over.” and you already knew what time it was the second you got the notification.

Hooking up with him had become a weekly - almost daily ritual so you didn’t usually approach Dean for sex but by now it had been close to three weeks since your last conversation with him and you were almost feral for his face between your legs. He would never go this long without asking you to come over, it was so unlike him.

There was once a whole month where you couldn’t get off eachother. You’d get a quickie in before and between classes, in any private room you could find in the castle. The astronomy tower, the room of requirement, the House Elves restroom. Even in Filch’s office once, which you left in absolute shambles, even staining his desk with dry cum - from the both of you. It was hysterical when he reported the scene in the great hall during dinner. You and Dean forced back fits of giggles with mouths full of food, knowing it was you two who defiled his office while everyone else in the hall was completely oblivious. Sneaking around with him had its benefits, one of them being you had a massive secret that only you and Dean shared, as if it was an inside joke that only you and your favorite person knew the origin of. You could call it special. Sure, hiding the truth sometimes felt like a burden but most times it felt electrifying.

While Dean was AWOL, something fierce was brewing in you this morning. You didn’t want to admit it to yourself but you were edging on desperation. You were fine with not hearing from him the first couple of days, you figured he was just busy. But once you saw him actively going out his way to dodge you, that was all your mind needed to start jumping to conclusions.

Why was he ghosting you? Did he not wanna hook up anymore? And if so, why?

You blankly stare at your phone while your mind wanders off and pictures all kinds of scenarios for his weird behavior.

You recall the last time the two of you spoke, a late night from a few weeks ago….

________________________________________________________

3 Weeks Ago…

Everyone had just sat the OWLS exams and it was finally done with. This year's OWLS was making up for 40% for your final grade of the semester, the stakes were high. It even ripped Granger a new one. And if Miss Know It All is anxious about a test, you should be terrified. Which of course, everyone was.

Yet somehow you came out the other side of the exam alive, along with your friends, and what better way to celebrate the end of a stressful and anxiety producing test than to get absolutely wasted?

That’s exactly what you and your friends did. Lee and Alicia went off to Hogsmeade bar to celebrate, but you, Dean and Blaise was too tired from a long day of studying to make the trek to town so the three of you shared a bottle of Don Julio in the Griffindor dorm kitchenette. The night was still young and you spent it vibing to music, taking shots and swapping scandalous stories that were only for your friends group ears. It was always good times when you linked with Thomas and Zabini, the three of you were the bestest of bestfriends. You all just naturally clicked with each other and could yarn for hours, which was something worth looking forward to in your day. The night was going good and your stomach was in pain from how much the boys made you laugh, but along the way, the three of you landed on a subject that would change the trajectory of your relationship with Dean…for the better and worse.

“Can we please talk about Fred and Angela? I’ma be all the way real, Fred is punching hardddd man.” Dean exclaims.

Blaise lets out an annoyed moan and perks up from the bench, throwing his hands in the air.

“Finally somebody fucking said it!”

You smirk and raise your glass. Angela Johnson is an etheric goddess walking amongst mere wizards and witches. And Fred is…well, he’s Fred Weasley. Nuff’ said.

“Right?! I’ll bloody drink to that.” You throw back the rest of your mug only to have a few drops hit your tongue. Time for a top up. You scoot off the kitchen top and walk to the fridge, getting some soda to mix with your tequila.

“Look, I love Fred. He’s my best mates brother, Maker bless Ron - the little shit. But how Fred even got a chance with Angie? That’s surely one of Hogwarts greatest mysteries and this school’s packing loads of them cunts.” Dean voices.

You chuckle while fixing yourself a drink, listening in on the boys being messy.

“I’m saying, like? He don’t even know what to do with that, he can’t handle all that.” Blaise says, reeking of jealousy. It was hilarious, you couldn’t hold back the giggles.

“No Weasley can handle a baddie, let alone a black goddess like Angela.” You chime in.

“Exactly. He needs to go for someone like Luna or Pansey, someone in his lane! No offense to them but that’s more Fred’s avenue. Not Angelina Johnson for Merlin's sake!”

You gasp, followed by a chortle. The gossiping behaviour between these two grown ass men was worse than you thought.

“Oh my god Blaise! I know you did not just say that! Not too much on Luna now, that’s my girl. I love that little weirdo.” You insert, jokingly death staring down Zabini. He stares back at you with knitted brows, challenging you. After a few seconds, he blinks and child-like laughter echoes throughout the kitchen from the three of you, laughing at the silly game.

Then Dean loudly clears his throat.

“No but listen, on the topic of Angie…I mean, shiettt, put me in coach. I can handle that.” Dean lowly blurts amongst the laughing.

Silence falls in the room, especially from you. You go mute, processing what he just said.

Blaise snorts.

“I mean you know what I mean? She need someone equipped for the job.”

Blaise daps Dean up in agreement. Both the boys cackle.

Your eyes unintentionally squint and you clench your grip on the bottle of liquor, completely thrown off guard by Dean’s comment. He sure knew how to get a raise out of you. You could hear he was joking, but still, your body reacted on its own accord, knotting up your stomach. You loudly puff out a sigh and plop the bottle back on the bench with a bang.

“Fuck, that was loud. My bad.” You stifly apologize.

“You’re alright.” Dean replies.

“You were saying?” You ask, then clear your throat.

Of course you didn’t want him to. But a sabotaging part of you wanted to see how far he’d take it.

“Look, Angela’s a ten outta ten. Peng as fuck, her body is crazy, and she’s got great banter. I’m first in line when she drops the dead weight that Fred is.”

Wow. He’s playing with fire. You couldn’t believe he’d froth over Angela like that right in front of you. It stinged to say the least.

The two boys cheer glasses and talk more about their thoughts on the couple.

You stir your drink, quietly wheezing to yourself hysterically. Nothing about what Dean said was funny to you, you just couldn’t believe the sheer audacity of him gawking over Angela whilst you were in the room, drunk or not.

Dean glances over to you with the utmost cheeky smirk, cocking up a brow. He was doing it on purpose and it was some kind of emotional torture he wanted to commit to you.

Why was he doing it? What is he getting out of this shit? you thought.

A smug look was locked on his face as he listened to Blaise carry on, but his gaze was focused on you. He watched you closely, seeing if he’d you’d give him any reaction at all, all while stifling back chuckles. Your silent rage of envy was amusing to him it seemed.

As Dean's eyes lingers on you, you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment and anger. You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself. You remind yourself that this is just Dean being his usual flirtatious self and that he probably didn't mean anything by it. But it still hurts and there was no refusing that.

You take a long sip of your drink, trying to distract yourself from the uncomfortable tension in the air. Soon the boys stop talking and you can feel Blaise and Dean's eyes on you, waiting for a response. But you don't give them the satisfaction. Instead, you change the subject.

"Talking about the Twins, did you guys hear about the prank that the twins pulled on Filch last week? Filch went off his head, it was hilarious!"

Blaise and Dean both laugh, relieved that the tension has been broken. They eagerly listen as you recount the details of the prank, and soon enough, everyone is laughing and joking again.

The rest of the night you barely spoke. You chuckled here and there, showing face in front of Blaise. But you were distracted, lost in intrusive thoughts. You couldn’t shake off Dean’s opinions about Angela. You were salty as fuck, so by the time it hit 2AM, you bowed out.

“As much as I’d love to stay up with you guys, I need to sleep. OWLS kicked my ass. I will see you wonderful people tomorrow.” You slide off the bench and grab the Tequila.

“Yeah shit, it’s almost 3. I’ll head too.” Dean checks his phone and stands up.

“Fair. But first, cuddle before bedtime.” Blaise drunkenly pulls you into a tight hug and pecks the top of your head. Blaise is the biggest softy, you had no idea how he was sorted into Slytherin.

“Okayyy mummy. Night Blaisey. Love ya” You tease, squeezing your arms around him.

“Night bub. Love you too.”

You pull away and head for the dorm hallway. The two boys hang back and say their goodbyes. You soon hear Dean catch up behind you, following you to the dorms. It was a quiet stroll to the rooms. There were many things you wanted to say but your pride had a tight muzzle on your mouth.

Dean breaks the silence, “He’s a good one, that Blaise.”

“Yeah, he’s the best. Love him.”

The rest of the way to your room was silent. You pass the corridor to the men’s dorm but he stays on your route, following you to the women's dorms.

You scoff.

If he thinks he’s getting some tonight, he’s got you all the way fucked up. You don’t mention him following you though, you figured you’d pop off at him in the room. And boy, was he in for a storm.

Dean laughs, catching your attitude. But he doesn’t say a word because he knew you wouldn't turn him away, you never do. Usual overconfident Dean behavior.

You were steaming all the way up to your door. Your blood wasn’t boiling, it was burning. You were contemplating blowing your cool and letting him have it right now and here out in the hallway. You couldn’t understand in the moment why he had you so vexed over banter but you didn’t care, you were hurting and he needed to know. But instead of blowing up on him, you decided silence was the best treatment to handle Thomas.

You huff back the emotions that were flooding to the surface, your face was heating up with rage - tears were sure to follow soon. You just needed to get inside your room before you let it all out.

You take your keys out of your jeans pocket to unlock the door and place the key to the hole but it doesn't budge. Your hands were shaking and you were on the verge of crying out of pure frustration. You already had a mountain of unexplainable feelings that was rocking your shit, this stupid key was just the cherry on top. Pursing your lips together, you swallow back the rogue wave emotions on your heart while staying faced to the door. You couldn’t let Dean see just how miserable you were over something so minor and stupid.

He closes in behind you. The warmth of his breath tickles your skin as he bends down and leans his chin in the crook of your neck.

“Give it here you goose.” He chuckles.

Taking the keys out of your hands, he unlocks and opens the door on the first try. You grumble cuss words under your breath. Even when helping you, you couldn’t stand him. Not right now, everything he did irked your soul.

You step into the apartment and head straight to your kitchen cabinet. There was a heavy weight of feelings on your chest and drinking it away was the only option. Yes, you were already drunk, but definitely not drunk enough to forget how crossed up he has you.

You slam open the kitchen cupboard door, grabbing the biggest cup you own and quickly fill it up with the Tequila in your other hand. Dean closes the door behind him and walks over to you.

“Woah there, fairy. I think the only thing you need to be drinking right now is water.”

He grabs the bottle and glass out of your hand, chucks the alcohol in your cup down the kitchen sink and fills it with water from the sink.

“Oh, so now you know what I need?”

He turns his head to you, furrowed in brows and squints his eyes. He studies your face, the way he looks at you makes you feel exposed. He knew what you were poking at, he could read every subliminal between your words.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t want you to wake up with a hangover in the morning.”

A soft friendly smile forms on his lips, which only riles you up more. Can he not read the fucking room?

“Yeah well, maybe I like waking up with hangovers.”

He snorts and turns off the tap, walking back over to you with the glass of water.

“Maybe you do. Looks like I’m learning something new about you everyday, beautiful. Drink this.”

You place your hand on your hip and stare back at him blank in the face. You weren't doing anything he wanted you to do.

“No, you drink it. And choke for all I care.”

You turn on your heels and head to the bathroom with the bottle of Don Julio still in your hand. He chortles, amused.

“Only if you’re the one doing the choking, baby.”

You grunt at his chirpy attitude, absolutely done with how witty he is. Usually you like it, he always says the right things to make you swoon over him, but now it was just ammo to get under your skin.

You turn on the showers, letting it run hot to steam up the room. As you undressed, you couldn’t help but feel stupid for letting Dean get to you. You take a gulp from the bottle.

With every clothing piece you took off, memories of him kissing that part of your body flooded your mind, accompanied by visuals of him doing that to Angela. It was tormenting. You take another sip from the bottle.

You step under the streaming water, letting it wash over your face. Finally, the tears fall. It felt good. You knew you were crying over something so silly but you didn’t want to compartmentalise, the only way you were getting through this was by letting yourself have a sook and feel everything, something you never did when it came to Dean. Feeling anything emotional towards Dean was something you put off limits from the beginning of your situationship with him, it kept your feelings safe in case things got ugly between you two. But now you were feeling the burn of setting that rule in the first place.

As you stood under the hot water, you let your mind wander. You thought about everything that had led up to this moment. You thought about how you and Thomas had started off as friends, and how things had escalated so quickly. You thought about the passion and the intensity that you had shared, and how it had felt like nothing could ever come between the two of you.

But now, as you stood there alone, you realized that things were different. You couldn't ignore the fact that Thomas had been with other people and could be hooking up with other girls right at this moment, and that he might not have been as committed to you as you had thought, even if it was just friends with benefits. You couldn't ignore the feeling of betrayal that had been gnawing at your heart since you had found out how he felt about Angela.

When you began hooking up with Dean, you had no idea it would cause so much pent up frustration and desire in your body. Sex would help release this energy from the system, but there was an emotional side to things that had you questioning everything. Surely after some time, you began to ask yourself:

“Do I have feelings for Dean?”

Just hearing those words in your thoughts made you angry.

“Fuck!” You yell, “What is wrong with you?!” you ask yourself in frustration.

How could you let it get this far? How could you let Dean work his natural love potion on you? You thought you were better than this. Better than all the other girls who fell for his stupid addictive charm.

Three knocks tap on the bathroom door.

“Are you okay?” Dean asks, concern in his voice.

“Yes.” You sniffle.

You see him in the reflection of the bathroom glass, taking off his clothes and shoes, all he was left in was a singlet and boxers. He walks towards you and opens the shower door and leans his arm up against the shower frame. You face towards the shower head, not giving him any form of attention.

“The waters getting out.” You protest.

“I don’t care. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Hmmm.”

He pulls his singlet over his head, tossing it aside and kicks off his briefs, stepping into the shower and closing the door.

Tears were still streaming from your eyes, you stood underneath the flush of the water. You didn’t want to let him see you in tears. A few painful minutes go by and you hesitate to tell him off. Although you were mad with him, you loved sharing showers with him, it was one of the few intimate things that you did with him that wasn’t sex.

You sniffle and clear your croaky throat, it was a dead giveaway.

Dean steps closer under the water, saying a wandless spell to the soap, which placed a dollop of cleanser in his hands. He places both hands on your shoulders, lathering up and covering every inch of your body with the suds.

Dean dials down the water temperature and makes it a sweet warm stream and sways you by your waist from under the water.

He was smooth, even in instances like this. He didn’t need to use spells or charms, he just intuitively had a way with you that always got to your core. He observes you, adjusts his approach and works his magic on you.

“Y’know,” He pulls the hair in front of your face behind your neck and plants a soft kiss on your shoulder, “You’re allowed to tell me when I fuck up.”

“Huh?”

“I know I said something that made you uncomfortable, you can tell me.”

You turn your head to look at him, surprised by his admission. He was usually so confident and self-assured, it was refreshing to see him vulnerable like this.

“I just don’t know what to say,” you admit, feeling ashamed of your own emotions.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he reassures you, “We both can just be silent for all I care. I just want you to know that I’m here for you, always.”

He leans in and kisses you gently on the lips, his arms wrapping around you in a comforting embrace. For a moment, you allow yourself to be held, to feel safe in his arms. But then reality hits you like a ton of bricks.

You push him away, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the small shower space.

“No, you’re not here for me. That’s not what it felt like when we were with Blaise,” you accuse him, the anger rising up in your voice, “You just want to keep me around for when you’re bored or lonely. You don’t actually care about me.” you exclaim, accidentally revealing your resentment.

Dean looks hurt by your words, but he doesn’t back down.

His hand slides up from your thighs to your waist.

“I knew something was wrong. You don’t have to act with me. Just tell me what I did.” He calmly says.

His touch goes over your stomach, just above your nether regions, but he doesn’t go further, Dean knew to be gentle with you in the moment.

“Forget it. I’m just trying to shower.” You say, pulling away from his grasp, retreating back to icing him out

He goes to speak but he pauses, you could see on his face that he was calculating his next words. Lost in his thoughts, he says a spell to the body wash again and goes over his body.

You lean against the shower wall, arms crossed, bottle still in hand and looking up to the ceiling. Tears still falling from your eyes disguised as droplets of shower water.

Dean grabs the bottle from your hold and pulls you into the water with him, tilting your head up to his.

“I wasn’t born yesterday and I know you weren't either, so there’s no point in either of us playing dumb. I’m sorry– please believe me.”

You clench your jaw.

“About what?”

“What I said about Angela. It was stupid. I only said it to get a rise out of you.”

Is this shit a game to him? Your emotions just a ploy for him. And for what? Just so he can feel better about himself? You wanted to hear an apology from him but you didn’t expect it to come with the harsh reality of the situation.

“You’re right, it was stupid. I don’t care though.” You lie through gritted teeth, “What does it matter? You were only speaking your truth.”

“That’s the thing. I wasn't. I was saying all that shit just to get a reaction outta’ you and it was beyond wrong to do that. You don’t deserve that.”

You meet his eyes, he looks completely sincere and open but you quickly look away, feeling a small sob build at the bottom of your throat. The liquor had taken over your emotions and was ready to let it all pour out.

“Why Dean? What's the point?”

“I don’t know. I guess I thought if I said that, you would’ve said something, anything. Maybe I just wanted to hear you claim m—”

“No, Dean. You didn’t hear me. What’s the point of us?”

He stares into both of your eyes, trying to figure you out. Under his gaze, usually you would melt but right now, all you felt was a sense of grief.

“Right…oh, righttt.” He sternly responds.

He loosens his grip on you and tilts his head, squinting his eyes and licks his bottom lip, a grim smile forms on his lips as he starts to sarcastically laugh.

“Oh. Message received.”

He leans down and places his lips on your forehead, chuckling against your skin while giving you a kiss then exiting the shower, taking no time to dry himself with the towel from the rack.

“When you’re done with whatever this is, let me know.”

You stand there, feeling a mix of confusion, anger, and desire all at once. You can hear the sound of the bathroom door closing as Dean leaves, and you're left alone in the shower, still processing everything that just happened.

You take a deep breath and turn off the water, stepping out of the shower and grabbing a towel from the rack. You take one last chug of tequila before placing it on the sink. As you dry yourself off, you can't help but feel disappointment. You didn’t know what you wanted. You were torn between giving him the cold shoulder, letting him feel your anger or to give in, let him right his wrongs and lay up in his arms where you wanted to be.

You swipe your hand across the foggy mirror above the bathroom sink and look back at your reflection, red eyes and puffy eyelids from crying. You knew what the reasonable thing to do was but somewhere deep down, you knew this was an internal issue. You longed to be consistently chosen, whether you wanted to admit it or not, it was an inner turmoil that you had and Dean just happened to be the person who you wanted to act on it. It was unfair to him to put him in such a position without him knowing, but you wanted him to just know what you wanted and to provide it instantly. It was selfish of you but you couldn't help it.

The bitter truth stands - he’s wasn’t your boyfriend, you weren’t in a relationship with him and he wasn’t officially yours. How could you possibly ask him to do boyfriend things without actually being your man. Which posed the next question:

“Do I want to be Dean’s girlfriend?”

You wince again at the intimate ideas flooding in. But the wonder stayed with you this time, replaying back memories in your mind of Dean’s beautiful smile before he laces you with kisses all over your face. You wanted that, all the time. You wanted him all the time.

You finish drying off and walk to the bedroom, still lost in your thoughts. As you approach the bedroom door you see Dean sitting on the edge of your bed, scrolling through his phone.

He looks up as you enter the room, and his expression softens. "Hey," he says, patting the seat next to him. "Come sit."

You hesitate for a moment before taking a seat next to him. He puts his arm around you and pulls you close, and you feel a sudden rush of warmth.

"I'm sorry for how I acted in the shower. Actually I’m sorry for everything," he says, his voice gentle. "I didn't mean to upset you, I was acting out of line this whole night. I just wanted to make things right."

You turn to look at him, and his eyes meet yours. You can see the honesty in his stare, and you feel yourself start to soften. Just as you open your mouth to apologize, he speaks.

“And look, if you don’t want to be around me right now, I understand. I’ll leave-”

He goes to stand up but you pull him by the hem of his shirt. By now you were more wasted than you anticipated and didn't want to be alone with your intrusive thoughts.

“No. Stay.” You slur out.

Relieved, he sits back down and looks at you in silence for a few moments, a flicker in his eyes.

“God, look at you. You’re so cute.”

He squeezes your cheeks between his hands once before getting up from your bed and walking towards your drawers, opening them and shuffling clothes around.

“What are you doing?”

“Pyjamas. It’s time you go to bed, you.”

You giggle burp. You didn’t want to go to sleep, you still wanted to talk about your feelings to him. But for some reason you found it endearing he wanted to put you to bed without sex being in the context.

Dean picks out a set of comfy clothes and walks back over to you.

“Up.” He orders you. Your towel drops to your feet and he fits your shirt over your head then continues to dress you in your clothes.

“Somni Modus (Bedtime mode).” Dean says a wandless spell which dims the lighting, lights the candles, puffs your pillows and pulls back your covers. You crawl to your side of the bed and Dean joins you on the other side, pulling the covers over you.

He leans on a pillow and props himself up on an elbow, facing you, watching your dizzy drunk self get comfortable in bed, cuddling a small pillow. He smiles, looking at you in awe. You roll over and feel the urge to pour your heart out to him,

“I probably wouldn’t say this to you when I’m sober but I think I-”

He cuts you off.

"Darling, you’re way too intoxicated right now. I promise we can talk more when you’re in the right state of mind. Just come and find me, and I’ll listen, okay? But for now, you need some rest.”

You pout, slightly saddened. There were still some things you wanted to get off your chest. But you don’t argue with him, your eyelids was feeling heavy and the room was spinning the more you tried to stay awake.

Dean tucks you in and kisses your forehead, then heads towards the door.

As he's about to leave, you reach out and grab his hand. "Please don't go," you say, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

He pauses, then smiles softly and sits back down next to you, pulling you into a soft embrace. "I won't go anywhere," he says, stroking your hair, "I'll stay here with you until you fall asleep."

You feel a wave of gratitude wash over you, and you snuggle closer to him, feeling safe and protected in his arms.

As you drift off to sleep, you realize that maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay with him after all.

______________________

Currently…

That was the last you heard from Dean. Your memories of the night had a few blanks, considering how much you drank, though you definitely remember how you felt. You spent many days, wracking your brain over why the night panned out like that and why he would promise to listen to you if he was just gonna ignore you in the first place.

You decided when you fully woke up, that was it. No more using your voluptas wand (Pleasure wand) and pretending it was Dean. You needed an explanation, a good fuck and to be on talking terms again and he was the only person who could give it to you. You flicked open his school schedule on your phone, which he had previously sent you so you would know his free periods for quickies or some head in the Elf janitor closet. You two were just that ravenous for each other.

You scrolled to his classes for the day and saw that he had a morning quidditch game against Slytherin. Dean had to be already up at the field, stretching and preparing for the match, he was an early bird.

You stand up from your bed and commit to your decision. You take a brisk shower and dress for the occasion - not showing too much so it shows you mean business but leaving out a little skin for a subtle hint of slutty to show him what he's been missing. Perfect.

It was a cold lengthy walk down to the Quidditch field. No one was awake except for the winter birds, owls and the sun kissing the sky with orange hues. As you neared closer to the male Quidditch changing tent, you went over in your mind exactly what you were going to say to him.

“So, no text? No. That’s lame. Okay, so when were you gonna tell me we weren’t doing this anymore. Ew! that too mushy for 5AM in the morning ,Y/K.” You thought to yourself.

Every sentence that came to conception only made you sound needy and that you wanted him more than you were willing to let him know. But you missed him badly, and you wanted him again for crying out loud! it was the truth. Him finding this out was a risk you were gonna have to take.

You stop out the front of the tent opening and release a big heavy sigh.

“Here goes nothing.”

You lift up the material of the tents doors and see the man of the hour. Butterflies swarm your insides. This had to be the first time you’ve ever felt anxious around him.

“Dean?”

He pauses his stretching and turns around. His beautiful cinnamon brown eyes travel from your legs, up to your eyes. He starts walking over to you with rush in his step.

“Right, so I don’t what’s happening between us but I–”

“Well, look who decided to come around.” He finally speaks.

Dean grabs your face into the palm of his hands and pulls you into a haste kiss. His tongue took no time finding yours. The tense from your body drops as you find yourself seeping into his pull, right where you want to be.

The feel of lips and touch felt like feeding an addiction you’ve been weaned off for eons and you’re getting a much needed hit again. But you still had questions. You pull from his kiss and ask away.

“First of all, why didn’t you hit me up? And ignoring me?”

“I was waiting.”

“For?”

“For when you’d make the first move.”

Your mouth opens wide as it forms into a smirk. From the sounds of it, he wanted to be chased by you. So the man has emotional needs and wants besides getting a load off. Who knew?

“Dean Thomas playing the waiting game? Seriously?”

“Oh shut up. I missed you.” he gives you another deep kiss then comes up, “That’s the last time I’m waiting for you to make the call. You almost drove me mad, woman.” his hands slides underneath your skirt and palms your ass cheek in his hand.

You press your body up against his, feeling his member already bricked up. And just like that, gasoline was thrown into the fiery tension between you two like it never left and it felt like pure electricity.

“Please tell me you didn’t jerk off. I want you at your best.”

“Like I said, I was waiting for you. Nothing can satisfy me the way you do.” He says, his lips trailing down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites.

You moan in response, feeling the heat rising between your legs. You pull him closer, your hands gripping his biceps tightly.

“We’re gonna need to have a serious talk but I need this first.” You breathe out as your hand slips down to his 9 inch member over his shorts while his hands explore your body.

“Of course. We can talk things over. Do me a favor first, pretty girl? bend over.” He takes your hand, spinning you around and positions you over the stacked bat trunk. You oblige to his request and bend over the case, exposing all of your sex to him.

Dean wastes no time, pulling up your skirt and pulling down your panties, revealing your wetness. He smirks at the sight, knowing he's the only one who can make you this soaked. He takes a moment to appreciate the view before teasingly running a finger over your folds, making you gasp.

“Please, Dean. Don't tease me. It’s been too long, I can’t wait anymore” You moan out, your body trembling with need.

He chuckles and slides a finger inside of you, pumping it slowly. He adds another finger, hitting all the right spots. He was pumping your pleasure button to new highs, making you buck back against his long strong fingers. You can feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your body starts to shake.

“Dean baby, I'm gonna cum.” You whimper out, unable to hold on any longer, and just before you feel the eruption of bliss, he pulls out.

He places a kiss on the back of your neck, “Wait for me baby. I know you miss it.”

And just like that, Dean’s Gryffindor jersey shorts and briefs drop to his ankles, you feel his member hot and hard rubbing against your ass cheeks. He takes his time and slides the tip down between your cheeks, against your asshole, to your hungry flesh. He pushes in slowly and immediately you feel the evidence of his absence. His size hurt like hell but it hurt so good, it already sent you over the edge into climax.

“You kept it nice and tight for me baby, hmmm?”

He dips in deeper, filling you up wholly, hitting your pleasure spot at the back of your pussy, driving you wild. You were gushing all over his dick yet as he pulls back, you feel the friction of your walls wrapped around him like a fitted glove, as if your pussy was designed just for him to fuck in.

He holds the hem of his shirt through his gritted teeth so it didn’t block the view. He wanted to see every motion of your needy cunt taking him whole. He paces himself while adjusting his tip at your entrance again. The tension and anticipation between the two of you was thick and vicious. Both of you knew what was about to go down, once he starts stroking, it’s game over for your precious walls.

Leaning down to you, he grabs a heap of your hair and twirls it in a fist, pulling your head back so his cheek was gashing against yours while he busts his first thrust into you, making your body jerk in intense euphoria. He goes again and again, until he picks up a rhythm. Your bodies rub together in heated unison, stimulating your senses to the nastiest levels possible, as he shoves kisses to your mouth, sucking on your tongue and leaving sloppy kisses on your cheeks and ear, thirsting for your affection. With every stroke, you’re sent into an oblivion of pure ecstasy.

Muffled grunts and mumbles of pleasure was all you could hear. It was killing Dean not to talk his shit. He’s a vocal lover, he knew all the right things to say that would brings out the animalistic freak in you. But in this tent, soft moans and whispers was all he could give you.

You rock your core back against his length, making him damn near lose all control and grip your hips with a tight hook as if he was cautiously trying to steady you. Throwing it back on him was a dangerous game, the control you had over him in the moment was unbearable. He desperately slows down his rhythm, nears your ear and mutters through his breath, “Oh, so you wanna play like that, huh?”

A devilish smile grows on your lips and you catch your breath in the quick spell he’s giving your walls.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You cluelessly respond.

“You know exactly what you’re doing.”

He pants on top of you, nestling his face in your hair, taking in your scent and licking up the droplets of sweat on your back.

“Two can play that game, sweetheart.” He mumbles into your skin.

A half smile forms on his lips as he slams back into you. He chuckles as you begin to lose it under him again, the sight of your unraveling was pure entertainment for him. He was well aware of just how good he puts it on you.

He stands up and spreads your cheeks apart while observing the view.

“I love seeing your pretty pussy take this dick. Why’s that pussy so good, hmm?” He grunts out.

Dean halts and draws back so only the tip is in.

“I said, why is that pussy so good?” he squeezes your face between his hand and turns your head to him, making you look up at him in the eyes as he rams in and out of you, leaving you silently gasping for air. Rolls of the orgasms he gave you just moments ago were still coming over you.

“I think I need to fuck you before every match.”

He picks his pace back up, filling you entirely. Bending down, his lips swipe across yours, teasing your desperate mouth.

“I bet you’d like that. Wouldn’t you? Tearing that pussy up every game.”

You look back to find his eyes piercing into yours as he strokes you down. He had you exactly where he wanted you: under him, stretched and slutted out. He was driving you insane.

You moan in response, feeling his wood flesh you out like there was no tomorrow. The idea of being fucked by him every match was both exhilarating and dangerous. You knew it would be hard to resist him before every match, knowing he had pent up aggression for the quidditch field. It was intimidating how easily he dominated you like this. But right now, all you could think about was how good it made you feel, being his little cum bucket.

“Yes,” you gasp out, “I want you to fuck me every game.”

“That’s what I like to hear. You always spread your legs for me like a good fucking whore, no matter the time or place.”

His features soften and his eyebrows furrow in. He closes his eyes and crashes lips to yours, groaning in your mouth. His strokes deepened inside you to the back of your walls, he wouldn’t dare to pull back a single inch, he wanted to feel all your tightness around him. You clench your pussy lips as he rests balls deep inside you, the pleasure mixing in the pain of his shaft hitting your cervix sent you over once more. You bend further across the trunk, trying to process all the sensations he was giving you, shying from his stroke.

Dean pulls you back, burrying his cock deeper than he was before. You whimper through another nut with teary eyes and slippery sweat all over your body. There wasn’t any words you could fathom that could explain the bliss he was fucking into you.

“Don’t run, baby. Be a good girl, take it.” he whispers, watching your face go through levels of rapture.

He pauses and strokes one more time, steadying himself before giving you another row of toe curling plows. Retracting out and immediately ramming right back in. He continuously rips into you, not giving you a single moment to gather yourself.

“Take it. Take all this fucking dick. I missed this pussy too much. I missed you so much baby!”

His voice cracks into a deep tone, moaning out all his nasty thoughts to you, “You feel so good, you always do. My pretty little whore.”

And just like that, hearing him talk nasty to you sparks the freak in you to life. You start fucking him back, applying all the pressure to his cock.

“Yes baby. I’m a fucking whore. I’m your whore.” You screech out.

You were gone, completely lost in the heat of passion. Dean bought out filthy taboo in you that you didn’t even know had a place in your desires.

“Use me like a fucking toy. I’m just an object for your cum. Nut inside me.”

“Oh fuckkkk.”

His cum shoots against the back of your core. As much as he tried, he couldn’t hold back the roaring moan that left his mouth. You felt his load fill you to the brim as it oozed outside your slit and down the back of your thighs.

“Damn girl, what the…fuck. I haven’t nut that good in a minute…” He weakly pants, his body going limp against yours.

You tiredly chuckle, too exhausted to try to speak, basking in all the high sensations still running through your body.

He doesn’t pull out, he smiles and moves the strands of hair that were slicked against your face behind your ear.

“So that’s what you like? Being my toy?” He inquisitively mumbles between huffs, leaving soft pecks against your bare skin.

You freeze in embarrassment, wanting to hide from his grasp and gaze.

“Oh my g- I don’t even know why I said that. I say stupid shit when we fuck.”

“Well hold on now, who said it was stupid?”

You cover your face in embarrassment with your hand. Sure, the thought of him using you like a fleshlight is enough to make you cum from the thought alone but you couldn’t admit that to him, that was sensitive information for only you, your toys and your spank bank to know. Plus, it would only make him more arrogant knowing how much power play gets you off.

“If you’d allow it, I think you’d make a perfect beautiful tight toy for me.” He caresses your thigh, soothing over the indented marks of his fingers from digging into your skin.

He brings your hands from your face as he hardens inside you, already ready to make a slut out of you again.

You gasp and look at him with widened eyes. “Already?”

“Baby, you actually feel like heaven…can you blame me?” He tilts his head and smiles that cocky all knowing smile.

“You’re such a slut.” you laugh off.

“That makes two of us, sweetheart.”

He gives you a kiss accompanied by slow strokes. You coo from the soreness of your walls being worn out but you ached for another round, his sex was a pleasurable craving you would never get enough of.

From a far distance, you can hear a crowd of people chatting and laughing.

“Fuck. Shit. What time is it?” Dean abruptly tugs his full length out of you, pulling up his shorts.

“I’m not sure? I lost track of time ages ago.” You frantically look around you and over the trunk for your underwear.

Dean helps you look around and remembers he put it in the pocket of his shorts when he was undressing you.

“I think you’ll be needing this.”

He gets down on his knees and helps you put the panties back on, wiping his cum away from your thighs with a gym towel from the equipment basket. He slows his pace when he draws his touch up to your hips. You raise your brows, wondering why he stops rushing.

“Dean?”

He lays a kiss on you clit against the fabric and looks up at you with bright eyes and a smirk, caressing the back of your thigh.

“You free after the game? I have a feeling I’ll be needing to use my toy.”

“What? You ask now with people right outside? You know you can just text me after the game.”

He stands up and pulls you by your waist into him.

“I could, but I wanna hear you say it.”

He bites down on his bottom lips, waiting for the magic words. You antsily look at the exit of the tent, ready for players to start rolling in at any moment.

“Dean! They’re right outside.”

He raises his brows, not budging to let go of you. Either he didn’t give a fuck that anyone knew you were fucking or he was just that naturally bold and stubborn. You were sure it was the latter. Either way, you couldn’t resist his charm.

“Yes, I have a free period after your game to fuck.” You submit, coyly smiling and rolling your eyes.

Satisfied, he presses his lips against yours. “Good girl.”

“Okay, now I’m leaving.” you say against his kiss and step away to head for the exit.

“Yeah, get of here ya’ weirdo! Why are you in the male changing tents anyways? Pervert!” He exclaims loud enough for even the people outside to hear.

You halt and turn back at him in disbelief, breaking into laughter.

“You’re fucking annoying, you know that?”

“You love it.” He chuckles and gives your ass a quick slap.

You scoff. Before you could give a proper reply, the male cohort of the quidditch team enter into the tent.

“Morning Dean…and Y/K?” Ron approaches.

“Left my phone in the common room last night. Good thing Y/K is like totally obsessed with me and knew I had a game this morning.” Dean jokes, mimicking an American valley girl accent, “She came and dropped it off for me first thing.” he shoots you a wink as he makes the sneaky innuendo.

The balls on this guy. Unbelievable. You had to admit, it was fucking sexy though.

“Well that’s the last time I do that. I’ll just let the house elves take it to lost and found next time.”

He laughs. “That’s fair. Thanks anyways bro.”

Bro. Oh he’s really selling it, this guy needs an academy. You’re aware he’s only showing face but for crying out loud, it’s too soon, his cum is still warm inside you. No matter the fuss though, it’s him who’s gonna be moaning baby when you ride the brakes off him later.

You look once over at Ron then shoot Dean a thin lipped smile.

“Don’t mention it, bruv. Just focus on winning, we don’t need any more house points to Slytherin. Knock em’ dead.”

His brow cocks up as he squints, catching all the shade you’re throwing his way. It was written all over his face, he didn’t like that.

“Cheers.” Ron exclaims with a big grin.

You turn on your heels and make for the exit. The way you keep up antics to hide your affair in front of others was Oscar worthy at this point. Although it kept things on the hush-hush, it was exhausting. But my oh my, did Dean hate it. He was a poor example for a fuck buddy. He talked a good game but at the heart of it all, he was sensitive, needed reassurance from time to time and to be claimed out loud. If you knew what it would take for him to stop ignoring you, you would’ve acted on that weeks ago. At least that was the one thing you had over him, you knew Dean Thomas’s secret longing to be wanted and loved.

As selfish as it was, now that you knew his little secret, you now have the upper hand over this situationship. He’s not the only king of hearts anymore; you’re right besides him, sitting pretty on the throne for the queen.

As you leave, you raise your skirt higher, leaving a little cheek out and sway your hips as you exit, giving Dean a cheeky tease. Just enough to make him stiff in his shorts and sexually frustrated. You glance back and see Dean adjusting and tucking away his wood. Laughter erupts from you as you walk out the tent, it was actually hilarious how easy you make him fold.

You were sure you’re gonna catch some heat for it later.

But now after this morning, you realized you like how vexed he gets from your stunts of the need for attention.

Well, solely because it makes him fuck you harder.

#Alfred Enoch fanfiction #Alfie Enoch fanfiction #Dean Thomas fanfiction #Dean Thomas smut #Alfred Enoch smut #Hogwarts fanfiction #black reader smut #hogwarts x black reader #black fem reader #Dean thomas x reader #alfred enoch x reader #alfie enoch x reader #dean thomas imagine #harry potter smut #harry potter fanfiction #black reader fanfiction

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nighthaterfrfr · 4 months

Text

take a deep breath for me

1st request from @jben073 , grace getting overstimulated and steph comforting!

im no stranger to being overstimulated, but im still not sure how to write it as someone who im pretty sure is neurotypical?

so fair warning if its inaccurate, i tried pulling from peoples experiences and a bit of my own for grace.

anywho, lets get to it! a nighthater tumblr preview ig

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If someone had told Stephanie Lauter, reluctant daughter and overall "girl-who-doesn't-give-a-shit" that she'd have to help someone like Grace Chasity with being overstimulated, she'd look at the them confused and laugh in their face.

So how the fuck did she get into a situation like this?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever since she's been hanging out with Pete, Grace, and the rest of the school's so-called "Nerdiest Prudes," most of them have been safe. Well, because of her and Jägerman. Even then, some people still harass the students often. Especially Grace. Yet today was a little different.

It's a rare occasion when Max Jägerman misses school. The boy rarely got sick, and his father never cared enough to take him anywhere besides school and football games. So whenever he's gone, the rest of the school preys upon the prudes. Today was also a good day to go after Hatchetfield High's resident preacher.

Grace has had a relatively rough day already. Her father ended up dropping her off late for homeroom and she's been behind in completing all of her assignments. Her mind's a mess since the Waylon Place, and it has not been treating her good.

On her way to her AP Biology class, two of Max's football friends had decided to smack the notebook she had held and laughed at her while she picked it up. One of them taunted, "Aww, what's the matter? You gonna cry to Jesus about it?" Usually, Grace would easily refute back at them with the very repetitive, "You will all be going to hell!" speech, but today she just let them continue. One more thing to add onto a massive, unstopping headache that left her agitated.

When she got to AP Bio, some of the cheerleaders were waiting there. They immediately took the notebook again, and tossed it over to the two originally picking on Grace. She was mad, but it felt odd. It felt like it was all too much. The louder they laughed, the more that Grace felt like she needed to get out of there and scream. The loud insults, the sun getting in her eyes, the bell ringing? It was all too much for Grace "Chastity Belt" Chasity.

Somehow, Steph was also in Grace's AP Bio period. She may be a bit misguided, but she's certainly not that stupid. Sure, it's almost a failing grade, but hey, a 63% is all right with the mayor's daughter. As she was once again late to her classes, she saw that people were once again, picking on Grace. Steph knows better, and she knows that Grace Chasity always wards people like that easy. However, seeing her run off, tears rolling down her face and a face that looks like she'll kill someone was a different situation.

The group of people teasing and making fun of Steph quickly left, and Steph went after the crying girl right after they left. Look, she's not one to help comfort people, but seeing one of her closest friends cry is her limit. Following Grace, she ended up in a storage closet in the school. Steph decided not to go in right after Grace, as to give her some time to relax a little.

"Oh gosh darn it!" Grace had been breathing heavily and shaking for quite a bit. She's obviously upset, but for what? She has no idea what in the world is causing this, and it seriously sucks! To be honest, this kind of thing would happen frequently with her, especially when she was younger, but it was never like this. Never where Grace Chasity would have to skip a class to calm down.

The smell of the wood in the room was a familiar sense. Shop Class, from her junior year. She always did like Mr. Houston the best as a teacher. Looking around, Grace's breathing slowing down and her temper cooling, she hears a knock at the door. She quickly backed away and considered hiding, but she knew she'd been caught.

"Chasity? You... you doing better? It's um, Steph. I just wanna check on you, that's all." The voice of Stephanie Lauter soothed her a lot more. Yet, it also scared her. The fact that Steph was also skipping Bio just to see how she was doing? It was charming. And really thoughtful, too.

Grace stood up and walked towards the door, letting Steph in as her notebook dropped on the ground. Steph quickly went to go pick it up as the two of them sat on the floor right by the door. Sitting shoulder to shoulder, the room was silent. Steph had no idea what to do in this situation, so she didn't talk or engage in anything with Grace unless she did it first.

Breaking the silence, Grace had began to ramble, saying, "I'm sorry Stephie, I just kind of freak out sometimes like that. I don't even know why I do this! I mean, I've been doing this since I was young, but I guess I've been repressing like my parents sa-" Steph quickly saw that her breathing got quick and her face was about to cry, so she stopped her, holding out a palm with one of her rings on the inside.

"Just take a deep breath, ok? It's fine, Grace. You're just here in the shop storage room, and- and it's clear that a lot is getting to you."

Steph may haven't been the quietest person, but she's a damn good observer. So much so, she knows that Grace loves to play with a ring whenever she has one on. Steph also knows that Grace frequently taps her foot in a very syncopated rhythm when nervous. She also knows that Chasity repeats the phrase "cool beans" as a way of motivating or calming herself down. Along with biting her nails when nervous, shaking her hands and almost spinning when she gets excited, and biting her tongue when confused.

Steph had quietly noticed all of these traits. Thought it would be no big deal until now. After all, it's just her friend Grace Chasity and all the little things she does.

Grace grabbed the ring, sighing as she puts it on her finger and fidgets with it. "How did you know I liked to do this, Stephie?" Grace asked her, causing Steph to twiddle her thumbs and looking elsewhere. She replied, "Oh, y'know. Just noticed it during AP Calc, I guess." Grace smiled slightly as she put her hands down, mumbling to herself.

"Stephie, do you know what autism is?" Steph looked at her, a bit off guard with the question. "Yeah, I do. How come?" Grace looked a bit nervous, trying to keep eye contact with Steph. "So- uh, I'm on the spectrum? I mean, I was diagnosed when I was younger, but I have just kind of been ignoring. My mommy and daddy says to just pray to God and hope it goes away, y'know. I've prayed and prayed everyday, pleading that I won't be so overwhelmed."

"So why won't it go away?"

Steph looked at Grace, her face filled with concern and a hint of confusion on how to answer a question like this. "Because... it's just a part of you. You've been denying you've been so overstimulated for a while, haven't you?" Steph asked, Grace nodding yes. "Um, I'm not on the spectrum, so I have no idea how you're feeling, Grace. However, I know that, if needed, I'm here for you. If you want, of course." Grace faces Steph fully, her attention on her as she smiles.

"Thanks, Stephie." Grace said, getting her notebook back from the other girl. Standing up, Grace looked around the storage room. SHe didn't want to go to the class, but she also knew that both Steph and herself would be in trouble if caught skipping. Trying to think about the possibilities for trying to hide in the room, Grace walked around.

Weirdly enough, the rows of plywood in the room comforted Grace, letting her think more. Maybe it reminded her of her favorite class, or her favorite class, or her favorite kid to babysit. Nonetheless, she knew that she couldn't be here for long. Breathing in deeply, she walked back to the door, opening it. Steph stood up, peeking out once Grace opened it slightly.

Thankfully, there was never many students that would skip a class so early in Hatchetfield High, so there are rarely any hall monitors in the school. Because of this, Steph and Grace quickly snuck out of the big storage room and returned back to their Biology class in the same hallway they were in. Steph held onto Grace's hand to reassure her and to remind that she has someone to rely on when something like this happens again.

After all that, Steph was still trying to make sure that Grace wasn't too overwhelmed with any of the classes they had together. From giving her one of her airpods to take a break from all the noise and instead listening to Steph's very explicit (and very good) playlist to helping isolate herself during a group activity if it seemed like too much.

Grace was very appreciative of this, and got even closer to Steph. Every time she'd get overwhelmed at school, somehow, Steph was there.

Even then, what's that feeling that Grace gets whenever she's around Steph?

Whatever- she's gotta cool her beans.

Cool, cool beans.

#npmd #grace chasity #stephanie lauter #lautity #starkid #steph lauter #stephgrace #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #team starkid #holy shit #this fic is long #whatever #gay ppl #wlw #hatchetverse #hatchetblr

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7grandmel · 2 months

Text

Todays rip: 12/02/2024

V-v-v-v-v-a-V-v-v-v-v-v-r

Season 6 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume DQ

Rip credited to "Green Monika Takeover"

youtube

Requested by crickqt! (Discord)

If you're truly deep in the trenches of SiIvaGunner like I am, then over the course of reading all of these blog posts, you may have noticed a rather...curious omission from my coverage. I've covered jokes both obscure and relevant, storylines big and small, rips of every part of the spectrum from Outertale to Loopdeloop Griddy to Sex - Steve Harvey. Yet all of these have one thing in common: They're all from within the SiIvaGunner channel. And as should perhaps be expected, SiIvaGunner is far from the only place where high quality ripping occurs nowadays.

SiIvaGunner was, of course, not an entirely original concept to begin with - mashups using video game music have existed for ages, and Chaze the Chat himself has made it no secret that the channel was an evolution of a subculture from SoundCloud, inspired heavily by the works of toonlink, as I mentioned back in Aphex. Yet the channel certainly carved out its own niche and style: its presentation as bait-and-switch mimicry of the actual GilvaSunner channel, paired with the mysterious insistence on full anonymity of each rip's creator, gave SiIvaGunner its own feel, one that it would only further refine as the fanbase grew and lore began to develop. For those first nine months, there was nothing else on YouTube like SiIvaGunner.

Yet when the channel's true "ending" was announced in the last quarter of 2016, near the end of Season 1, several people were distraught to see it go after just a few months. And keep in mind, it took until February of 2017 to get any sort of confirmation that SiIvaGunner was actually going to be sticking around beyond occasional events - and before November 2016, we didn't even know if the channel would return at all. So it comes as no surprise that, on October 1st 2016, we'd see the birth of the first true "fan channel" aiming to continue SiIvaGunner's legacy - TimmyTurnersGrandDad. And even as SiIva returned, TTGD grew to form a fanbase of its own, its own smaller community, with many of SiIva's rippers even contributing different things to both channels in parallel.

I'll be completely earnest with you all - the reason I haven't covered fan channels on this blog before is due purely to my own lack of experience with them. I've been glued stuck to SiIva alone since 2016, and the rabbitholes of the various fan channels simply appear too vast and deep to go down the same way I myself do here on this blog for the main channel. But, TTGD aside, there is one fan channel that deserves special mention, one that has quite often intermingled with SiIvaGunner itself and has such an immediately recognizable identity from all others - the namesake of V-v-v-v-v-a-V-v-v-v-v-v-r itself, Vvvvvavvvvvvr.

To put it concisely, while TTGD aimed to initially be a SiIvaGunner successor, then moved to be more of a SiIvaGunner alternative, the nature of the Vvvvvavvvvvvr channel has always been a fair bit more...dubious. You'll notice it just from clicking on the channel yourself - everything from the profile picture, to the header, to the titles and thumbnails of the videos uploaded to the channel have a far more chaotic, unpolished, almost "trashy" feel to them. This is because, with little exception, Vvvvvavvvvvvr aims to be almost entirely unfiltered - with minimal quality control and a submission process open to anyone, its effectively a big sandbox for rippers of all skill levels to submit to, the output almost best described as the SiIvaGunner equivalent Twitch Plays Pokémon. And much like that phenomenon, Vvvvvavvvvvvr somehow, through the unfiltered voices of hundreds of contributors, managed to find its own voice, its own set of recurring jokes, and eventually develop its own lore to tie it all together.

References to Vvvvvavvvvvvr aren't exactly a rarity on SiIvaGunner, either. The YTPMV Rock my Forum, as featured on LAST YTPMV^2 OF 2016 by ripper Xarlable, eventually took off as Vvvvvavvvvvvr's primary channel meme; almost every time the meme has been referenced on SiIvaGunner since, has been in tribute of the fan channel. V-v-v-v-v-a-V-v-v-v-v-v-r, then, is no exception - uploaded during the period of which the Vvvvvavvvvvvr had supposedly ended for good, its a loving tribute to just about every joke featured prominently on the channel, in the form of an incredibly varied medley rip. Scatman John, Reese's Puffs Rap, The Michael Rosen Rap, Chadtronic, Rock My Forum - its not as if these memes have never been featured on SiIvaGunner before, but they're (to my understanding!) such core parts of Vvvvvavvvvvvr in particular, that their usage in combination here makes the tribute's intentions clear.

As if that wasn't clear enough, certain segments of the fast-paced C-R-O-W-N-E-D are dedicated to referencing specific Vvvvvavvvvvvr rips (formally "vips") on an individual basis. A section using sentence-mixed AVGN clips, for instance, uses the same clips, sentence mixed in a similar fashion, as Crazy Bus Tylenol. There's references like this strewn all about this dense medley, yet as many in the comments have made clear - none of them get in the way of V-v-v-v-v-a-V-v-v-v-v-v-r just being a fantastic rip on its own, without any context or knowledge of the fan channel itself.

While I don't fall into that category in particular, as I'm of course aware of the fan channels that are more active now than ever - I am still very much an outsider. Yet I've once again been privy to take a peek down the rabbithole through this request, and I learned a lot about Vvvvvavvvvvvr as a result: Its a genuinely valuable platform with a fun and zany community, however small it may appear from the outside looking in. The near complete lack of filter or quality control means that anyone, even you reading, could submit something to the channel, a first step toward a great ripper's journey - a good number of SiIvaGunner's members who first joined around 2018-2021 got their start by contributing things to fan channels just like Vvvvvavvvvvvr. And though I may never become a full-on fan to the same degree I am SiIva itself, I'm of course eternally grateful and happy for their existence - through collaboration and teamwork, these channels help keep the art of high quality ripping alive.

#todays siivagunner #season 6 #siivagunner #siiva #ripper unknown #Green Monika Takeover #vvvvvavvvvvvr #siivagunner fanchannel #timmyturnersgranddad #ttgd #kirby #kirby crowned #c-r-o-w-n-e-d #kirby music #kirby return to dreamland #Youtube #Bandcamp

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sirenjose · 5 months

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Vera Analysis

Vera was born in Grasse, France. This was a town where originally tanning flourished in the 16th century, but it dies out eventually. This was in part due to competition with Nice, France, but also because they switched to focusing on perfume later.

Perfume or “perfumus” in Latin means “through smoke”.

Tanning left a strong stench, and due to complaints, it became fashionable to have scented gloves. Grasse produced the aroma oils that were put into the leather gloves, and slowly their reputation as a perfume hub increased.

Eventually there was a surge in demand for high quality fragrances, leading to perfume workshops being built and artisans known as “noses” or perfumers being employed who could blend and refine scents. These were people with a natural aptitude for scent, highly trained, finely tuned olfactory abilities as well knowledge of fragrance materials.

It took time for the perfume industry to rebound after the French Reign of Terror, which an emphasis on personal cleanliness around that time helped with. Napolean himself actually encouraged the cultivation of flowers for fragrances, leading to creation of flower fields around Grasse. Flowers sent to Paris were used to create luxury perfumes for the French elite.

The 1st of 3 large perfumeries in Grasse was Galimard in 1747, with Molinard, the 2nd, founded in 1849 (the 3rd was Fragonard, built in 1926). More factories appeared with time, especially with new processes found to absorb scent molecules. In 1850, there were about 45, but by 1875 there were 65. There were also 3 types of factories: plant growers, flower brokers, and manufacturers.

Victorian ladies weren’t known for wearing excessive fragrances. At least initially, the belief was that perfumes should be so “delicate” and so “lingeringly fragrant” that no one could define it as more than the “ghost of a sweet scent”. Anything too strong or overly-lavish was associated with people like prostitutes. Back then, perfumes were generally simpler, consisting mostly of florals and botanicals. They also didn’t apply perfume to the skin, instead using it on gloves, handkerchiefs, clothing, and cosmetics. A predominant scent back then was Eau de Cologne, which was a sharp clean scent that cut through other smells, though it was later surpassed by Bergamont and lemon oil.

Queen Victoria’s scent was the orange blossom. She also loved violets, which were popular in Victorian toiletries.

The focus on singular scent fragrances (smell of a single flower) changed by the end of the 19th century. There were several reasons for this. Raw materials started to be imported from abroad, helping reduce prices, as well as caused Grasse to focus on perfume production rather than flower fields and growing. Another reason was the improvement to the techniques they used. The discovery of solvent extraction techniques allowed for the extraction of fragrant oils without damaging the essence of delicate flowers and enabled the creation of more intricate and nuanced fragrances. The 19th century was when synthetics were 1st made and used. Houbigant and Guerlain were the first to use synthetic products: Fougère royale in 1884, Jicky in 1889, which are considered the 1st modern perfume. Finally, due to synthetic perfumes becoming cheaper to make, wealthy ladies wanted more complex, unique, and as yet unsynthesized perfumes to distance themselves from the lower class.

Going back to Vera, the “Vera” we know in game, the perfumer, is actually Chloe Nair. The real Vera Nair was Chloe’s twin sister.

Chloe herself was initially a timid girl, the type who was easily frightened and lacking in self-confidence, but the 1 person she felt happy with was her twin, Vera, the only person who truly understood Chloe. Unlike Chloe, Vera was cheerful and confident. Despite their differences, they were extremely close and did almost everything together.

But she was the only one.

Adults in their hometown of Grasse, France unfortunately often compared the 2, in a judgmental, self-righteous way. So, it was no surprised they essentially labeled Chloe, who started working and experimenting with perfumes from a young age, as the negative, weird one who “only seemed to know fragrance” and how to make perfumes, while Vera was the “elegant and flattering beauty” popular with the townspeople. As a result of Chloe’s nervous and unlikeable character, they alienated the more fragile of the 2 sisters, which led Chloe to becoming increasingly negative, sensitive, and suspicious. Seeing just how popular her twin was in comparison probably reduced her own self-confidence further.

Despite how much this hurt Chloe and worsened the outlook she had on herself and others, and despite how much the residents loved Vera, Vera’s opinion of Chloe differed from everyone else. She knew the truth of just how skilled Chloe was with perfumes, and just how deep her knowledge was of them. Chloe’s skills were supported by her superior sense of smell and sensitivity to scents, which she saw as each “[telling] a story of nature”.

Not even the rest of Chloe’s family supported her though, as Craig Nair, the “Family Store Manager” (potentially her father, but we can’t be completely sure) told her “If you want your work to have a chance to appear in front of others, you need to cease your weird and comical endeavors”.

The title of this deduction is “Attempt”, followed by the line “Creativity is never liked before it has been proven successful”. This is a bit confusing as Grasse then was still a perfumery hub back then, so Vera being involved with perfumes at all shouldn’t be a problem.

Based on what we’ve heard about Grasse’s history and the development of perfumery, my best guess to explain Craig’s words is this was when simple scents, for that emphasis on personal cleanliness, were still the most popular, before the desire for more complex fragrances. As I said, there were negative connotations of any scent that was considered too lavish. If Vera was one of those beginning to experiment with something besides single scent fragrances, that could explain why he’d talk about her weird “endeavors”, as well as explain the title being “attempt” and the line about “creativity”.

Complex fragrances, like the deduction say, weren’t “liked” before they were “proven successful”. Craig doesn’t seem the type to want to take risks. He wants to stick with what has always worked. The townspeople are similar, though they also don’t understand how interested Vera is in perfume, or the “stories” tell from each scent. But it’s also possible Vera, least to the townspeople “only seems to know fragrance”, aka she pretty much focused all her time on perfumes, could’ve been more than just because she was interested in it. It’s also possible she leaned into it because it was the 1 thing she was good at, while everyone (likely including Craig) saw her sister as the better one. That or because everyone, especially Craig, never saw her as good enough, so she tried to stand out in the 1 way she knew how.

I think the idea Vera was experimenting with complex fragrances while most others, like Craig, were still focused on single scents could be backed up by deduction 5, which includes the line “Two roses, five parts sandalwood, one part geranium, one part rosewood”. Similarly, Vera had another quote in 2018 that involved multiple ingredients: “The secret formula of love: three sprigs of tuberose, one sprig of jasmine, one sprig of clove, half a sprig of chrysanthemum and hyacinth”.

Going back to deduction 5, we see that the fragrance she was developing there was for her sister. This helps show how close the 2 were, as well as likely how grateful Chloe was for Vera’s support. Vera was Chloe’s lifeline. The 1 person who was “willing to listen, take her seriously, and support her in endeavors that seem strange to others”. Vera was Chloe’s outlet, a way to help keep her sane despite how bad everything else around her was.

Unfortunately, this didn’t last. When Chloe sees the news about Vera opening a new perfume shop, and the admiration and fame she gets from it, Chloe feels betrayed. We can see her anger and her losing control of her emotions by the way the newspaper is described to have been “shredded and pasted together”, as well as how deduction 6 includes the line “Incredible: These should have belonged to me!”.

Then there’s deduction 7, titled “vengeance”, which also includes the word “resentful”.

In this same deduction, as well as the next, we essentially learn that Chloe killed her sister (with a dagger) then took her identity. By becoming “Vera”, and taking ownership of the perfume shop the real Vera started, Chloe finally gets the attention and admiration she’s wanted for so long, as we see from deduction 8’s line “So that is what it is like to become the focus of the masses”. Her life now feels like it is finally “on track”.

To everyone else, Chloe seems to have just “disappeared”, though Chloe doesn’t think anyone cares. It doesn’t matter. “Vera” is enjoying the fame and status brought by stealing her sister’s identity, as we see from the line “there seems to be a disparaging look in her eyes and she is enjoying it”. Chloe is now “Vera”, and her personality changes to fit her new identity, as well as a result of the reputation and admiration she is now getting, as she is now described in the early version of the artbook as “arrogant, hypercritical, and graceful”.

We don’t see any immediate thoughts or feelings from “Vera” regarding her killing her sister, but we do see her guilt and regret when she learns the truth upon reading the real Vera’s diary. How Vera had started the perfume shop and everything that went along with it to ensure Chloe’s talents wouldn’t be “buried” to “prove to those biased people”. We also learn as part of this diary entry that the reason Vera didn’t tell Chloe in advance or why she was doing this because Chloe was “proud” and “wouldn’t want me helping her this way”.

Which implies, if not for Chloe’s pride, Vera may have warned Chloe in advance. Or she could’ve just out right asked Chloe more directly if she (Vera) could help.

I at least partially think Chloe’s pride developed similarly to Edgar’s about painting, which was a combination of self-confidence in their skills as well as I think a semi defensive mechanism to help deal with the unhappiness around them (for Chloe this being the way she was looked down on by everyone in town and by her own family besides Vera) as well as try to prevent themselves from being hurt. Unfortunately, by closing yourself off, it also means distancing yourself from those who genuinely care about you, and for Chloe that was Vera. Maybe Chloe and Vera were a bit more distant when they’d grown up, compared to when they were younger. This potentially could’ve contributed to the build up of emotions in Chloe, with the day she made the assumption that her own sister, her last lifeline, had betrayed her, being the metaphorical straw that broke the camels back.

But as deduction 9 says “Not all mistakes can be corrected”. Chloe had made her “choice” by killing “the only person in the world who truly loved her”. Even worse for Chloe is the fact she had gotten used to living as “Vera”, which had given her the chance to finally achieve her desires and receive the compliments and praise from others she had felt she deserved for so long.

As we see in her 3rd letter, she is described as trying to “escape reality”. This same letter seems to confirm what was likely parts of Chloe’s real personality, as it describes her as “alert and oversensitive” and “mentally fragile”, with the 3rd note, being she “has a conscience” fitting with Chloe’s feelings over killing her sister after she learned the truth. The manor owner states Chloe suffers “something close to a mental breakdown”, which is likely why she wants to forget, but also I think is a term that would fit with how I think Chloe was before. I think Chloe was already close to snapping before she saw her sister start the new perfumery, while her sister’s actions were just the thing to tip her over the edge.

Vera knows she can’t bring her sister back to life, but she also is unable to deal with the complicated tangle of feelings she now has, which are a mixture of sheer guilt, pain, regret, sadness, and devastation. This all combined with Vera’s happiness at living as “Vera” complicating this mess further. As a result, she seeks to forget what happened. Specifically, she wants to forget that she killed her twin, the real Vera. She gets her chance when she receives a “mysterious perfume recipe from an eccentric black marketer”. Using this recipe, she is able to create “Euphoria”, which is described as “anyone who smells this kind of fragrance will be immersed in it and forget everything. But the second note of the perfume is so short-lived that no matter how much she improves it, it cannot be retained”. So, in her desire to perfect the recipe and make it longer lasting, she heads to the manor, which was wear the recipe had come from.

#idv #identity v #vera nair #chloe nair #perfumer #idv vera #identity v vera #idv perfumer #identity v perfumer #sirenjose analyses and theories

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evilmagician430 · 5 months

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boyfriends but awesome (and instead of a webtoon its an independent webcomic)

design notes and 3ds flipnote concept art below the cut

general notes abt their designs and what the comic would be like in my head:

>they dont have names in this version cause i think that was one of the good things they did originally. i imagine they refer to eachother as "that one" "the other guy" etc like the dhmis guys when talking about eachother.

>they are not in a defined romantic relationship with eachother because i think thats more interesting, the polyamory aspect would be kept (im not polyamorous btw so im not gonna try to write an established polycule) but its more vague in that they all kind of have a thing for eachother but also hate eachother and want to rip eachothers guts out. and theyre all roommates and bffs. if you asked them what they were the answer you would get would be "friends who are boys". they are the height of male friendship, hate, love, etc.

>instead of focusing on sexualizing them in strange ways and doing boring moe shit it would lean into the comedy aspect BUT NO MEMES OR LATE 2010S SLANG !! this was something i could not fucking stand when reading the original (if you couldnt tell by now i did used to read boyfriends. it was a regrettable time and in redesigning and overhauling them i hope to make something good out of this wasted period of my life) like even when it was current boyfriends always made memes feel.. out of place. like as soon as they said it it wasnt cool anymore. it was the unfunniest shit ever

>i wanted the characters to look less WHITE and also more distinct from eachother and also less young cause in the original its like the same twink 3 times in different haircolors and their Chad. said chad is the best character only by way of not being annoying. so yeah i'll be more specific later but none of them are white and i gave them all different eye and nose shapes and distinct physical traits and bodies etc.

>mostly i just did this cause the "nerd" and "goth" ones piss me off so bad like thats not real. thats not a nerd thats just a nondescript waify femboy with glasses. thats not a goth, thats a tiktok eboy. and i felt bad for jock being trapped in this comic. and the prep one i feel nothing towards hes the most accurate to gay preps irl because they really are that annoying. but i tried to make him a little interesting atleast. anyways

nerd - black, brony, always aggressively corrects the others when they state an incorrect fact, really into playstation eyetoy and obscure playstation games. insanely autistic. usually pissed off if hes not indulging himself in something he likes (yaoi, games, ponies, figures, etc). i just wanted to overhaul him completely to make him almost nothing like refrainbow's nerd because nerd type characters are always the ones i tend to see myself in and are my favorites but reading the webtoon that guy just pissed me off fr.

jock - 2nd gen chinese american, one of the things i liked in the original actually was when they sexualized the jock (probably cause hes the only one who doesnt look 14 in that comic) and his big tits. hes a very genuinely kind guy, not the brightest, has a voracious appetite, he also still bakes cause thats cute i think.

prep - he looks different here because i was originally going to make him white but i decided to make him a light/medium skintone black guy (he just wears a blonde wig and contacts). when companies make their pride month merchandise and advertisements this is the exact person they imagine in their head who is going to buy these products. hes a million percent one of those swifties who thinks taylor swift is secretly a lesbian. trust fund kid btw obviously. his only redeeming quality is that hes good at makeup. jokes in the comic are usually made at his expense.

goth - 1st gen latino american, specifically peruvian because i am a self serving motherfucker. hes a really big numetal fan and listens to like 2000s evil wolf amv music in addition to legitimate gothic. his face changed a little too between this and the final design. his outfit completely changed but its only because i realized everyone else was dressed for relatively warm weather so it wouldnt make sense for him to be wearing multiple layers of black. if i do cold weather outfits for them id def reuse this look for him. hes still trans but i think all of them are in my version. also they dont use labels for their sexual/rom orientation. except prep hes homosexual gay.

congratulations for reaching the end of this incomprehensible bullshit 👍 hope someone enjoys this but idrc if its just for me either

#images that are horrid to see and look at #mspaint #boyfriends #boyfriends webtoon #boyfriends redesign #redesign #character design #boy-friendz #nerd guy #jock guy #prep guy #goth guy #boyfriends slander

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cerastes · 2 years

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I have to wonder how Specter is perceived in-house at Hypergryph because both times they’ve done something big with her it’s been trouble for them and harsh complaints from the fans, “both times” being her 1st Operator Record and Specter the Unchained.

In the case of her 1st record, it’s because they had an ambitious, interesting idea that nonetheless was both executed poorly and ended up being a huge nothingburger that centered on Suzuran of all people instead. The concept, I insist, was interesting: Specter does not appear in her own Record, rather, we see her being spoken of in whispers and murmurs as this enigmatic Operator that is only sent on the most dangerous of operations and whose existence in Rhodes Island is strictly on a need to know basis, with Kal’tsit alone being allowed to do her medical checks… and That’s All We Learn. The rest of the Record is like 80% “look at how precious Suzuran is”, which obviously almost nobody liked, we’re here for Shark, not moeblob, and it’s otherwise all ultimately stuff we already knew from Specter’s Files. This happened at the same time CN players were angry as hell over Passenger having been, well, severely undertuned on release (he’s good now), so that only added kerosene to the firestorm. Hypergryph apologized and said they’d release a 2nd Operator Record for Specter. This gave birth to the idea of some Operators having more than one Record. Her 2nd Record is great, by the way.

Then there was the Unchained situation: Specter the Unchained is not at all a bad unit. She’s a great unit, even! The problem is that she exists in direct competition with her perpetual god-tier 5* Guard iteration. Unlike the other Alternative versions, her original iteration is the best at doing what she does (immortality stalling + burst damage) and is very good at other roles otherwise (cornerstone, solo lane holding, helidrop assassination). Ch’en and Skadi, for example, aren’t bad, but they certainly suffer Early Game Syndrome in that they are very inflexible units that only do few things, and aren’t the best or non-replaceable in these roles, and Nearl isn’t a bad Defender, either, but 1) her role and toolkit runs contrary to what most people play like and 2) the breach between her and Saria, the 6* version of her role, is HUGE, especially notable in that a breach this big does not exist between other archetypes’ 5* and 6* characters. This isn’t because Nearl is undertuned, it’s because Saria is overtuned, and being a launch 6* means a lot of people have her already. 5* Specter, however, regularly sees play in high level content, and the role her 6* Specialist iteration fills is closer to her 5* than any other non-3* Alternative is to their original. That is to say, they compete in a way other characters do not with their Alternate version. S2, Specter’s immortality stall signature move, has more time as Unchained —20 secs vs 15 secs— but she is not helidroppable, and the loss of AoE attacks and 3 block means you play her differently.

Unlike the situation with her Operator Record, which I do believe was mishandling of the character and that the complaints levied against HG were legitimate, I don’t think HG handled Unchained wrong. I think this was more a case of the Operators being similar enough that people didn’t like that Unchained had to be played differently than Guard, and judged Unchained by Guard standards. As time passed, players have found Unchained to be really good, but the complaints had already been launched, and in response, they announced another Module altogether for Unchained, the first time someone got an alternative Module.

With this in mind, I go back to the start of this post: I imagine that whenever they plan something with Specter now, they immediately take stomachache medicine preemptively and start drafting a new gameplay system because they know they’ll get complaints one way or another. Which is funny, because both times Specter has had something, it has come with a Special Gift for everyone else, like a deepsea santa, as various Operators have 2nd Records and 2nd Modules now.

#arknights #specter #emotional support shark

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simply-slytherin · 11 months

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Guess who finally finished Sebastians quest and saw the last pensive memory. This gal. And let me tell you I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS AND THEORIES FRIENDS! LONG ramble & spoilers for HL below the read more.

Sebastian quest:

So first of all focusing on the Sebastian quest line Solomon was so out of pocket for trying to attack us while inferi we're attacking us? Like excuse me sir are you actually just trying to kill us maybe let's take care of the undead before we start fighting? Also this man was an auror right so like he should be able to easily disarm 2 students without having too completely fight us like he was.

Also the Slytherclaw in me was coming out because when he destroyed that artifact I got so mad that is history and like an archeological find and now it's lost to history because he destroyed it instead of responsible people studying it.

But I do have to say I feel like it was very obvious that he had some PTSD or a lot of his own issues that hes trying to figure out. So he clearly also wasn't dealing with the situation in a healthy way none of it was healthy or good.

I obviously did not turn in my main boy Sebastian absolutely not we are ride or die lol.

Main Quest:

The way I'm playing the Isadora and Sebastian crosslines are happening like simultaneously. So it's super easy to see the similarities and comparisons between the 2 about how Isadora and Sebastian are trying to help people but maybe it's not doing so in the right way. Obviously I think Sebastian is way more in the right than Isadora. Like originally when I was reading theories about Isadora I was totally kind of on her side but then when they started showing that she was practicing her magic on students....minors.... like literally 1st year Hogwarts students I was like OK now that's not cool.

Also like her dad being wiped off all emotion is definitely a step too far I believe there could be an importance for relieving pain when needed but pain is also there to help us learn and appreciate the good in life. Literally this is a Vampire Diaries moment do not turn off your humanity switch LMAO.

I just want to mention that because my MC is a girl San Bakar's comments to us about not feeling like we are trustworthy felt lowkey a little sexist just because we are the only other 5th year female to wield this power other than Niahm.

OKAY NOW FOR THE GAME THEORY:

At the moment of writing this I technically have not finished the full game but I know it happens, But I remember people theorizing about a specific part that I just witnessed with Isadora and her death.

When San Bakar does the avidikidivi on Isadora and she x_x yknow. We see these little traces of ancient magic leaving her into the repository. And I saw a lot of people theorizing that maybe this is her leaving some part of her behind and that there's something hidden there but I actually think a more likely theory is that the part of her that is leaving is used to somehow help set up her pensive so that the future ancient magic weilder can see her memories. So she basically set up a plan B.

What I also found really creepy was that as she is dying like being hit by the spell her eyes kind of go blank and she smiles falters and then falls whereas we have seen a lot of people will just instantly die. I have 2 theories on this one of them that is connected to her setting up the pensive is her knowing that everything is safe like her memories and her theories and that they'll be passed on but I also think that she has removed pain from herself to the point that she doesn't even feel the pain of the most powerful killing curse.

It's a little bit like death note lol where I think this dark use of ancient magic tainted her and changed her personality from her true self almost like a drug. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if she actually made horcruxes.

Anyways I was a lot of rambling but I do think that the Keepers are also a bit wrong for a just completely shutting this down instead of looking into it any responsible healthy way.

Thank you for listening to my Ted talk lol if anybody wants to theorize with me please hit me up I would love to chat!!!

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #slytherin #ominis gaunt #hogwartslegacy #simply post #dark arts #isidora morganach #MC #hogwarts legacy theory #also guess who just discovered the nvidia screeshot feature #cant wait to install the mods now #hogwarts legacy spoilers #solomon sallow

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glindaupland · 4 months

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The Phantom of the Opera | Seoul, South Korea | 잶팬텀 x 송크리 Review 6/6

October 14, 2023 - Evening

The Phantom of the Opera | 최재림 Choi Jae-rim

Christine Daaé | 송은혜 Song Eun-hye

Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny | 송원근 Song Won-geun

Carlotta Giudicelli | 한보라 Han Bo-ra

Ah, the perfect Phantom to finish my journey and relieve me from my tears after the painful two show Kim Ju-taek/Jo Seung-woo slam the day before! Yes, please erase the poor meow meow thoughts from my mind!

My 6th and final round of POTO and 1st round of 'Choi Jae-rim is a Traumatized French Man Double Marathon'. His only scheduled POTO show during my stay was the day before Les Mis opening night in Busan. So I did not have a spare day like I thought would and I had to hop cities the next morning to see him as Valjean. I originally had a seat up high, but I just had to move myself close on the floor again for my grand finale. Seeing a seat open up during cancellations near my favorite side of the stage, the side with the most action, pretty much sealed the deal. I've always wanted to see a ~scary~ Phantom so let's go out with a bang!

If you're looking for some Erik x Christine, wrong Phantom for you! There wasn't much sugar-coating here. CJR Phantom is the opposite of JSW and JDS Phantoms to me; he's the most like a dark fallen angel. He's dangerous, unnerving, and has a lot more confidence with his actions than the others.

Hannibal Rehearsal / Think of Me

The audience seemed especially hyped today lol. Park Hoe-rim always holds Piangi’s note in Hannibal for a very long time and people applaud him for it. The cheers were loud today though even though audiences usually didn’t make much noise to avoid being disruptive! At the end of Song Eun-hye’s ‘Think of Me’ there was also a very excited reaction from the audience. Love this cast showing off where they can heh

First Lair | MOTN/STYDI

He's the only Phantom to sing "넌 이곳에 오직 나만을 위하여 / You are here for me alone" as "넌 이곳에 오직 한가지 이유로 / You are here for only one reason" at the organ because he's just different and not like other girls okay During MOTN, he was was confidently luring and hypnotizing her with no hesitation or uncertainty. The way he moved his entire body, especially his arms and hands (huge hands goddamn dude), was very flashy and dramatic. He's "overdoing it", but in a way that's very fitting for his Phantom's eccentric personality. I think you can already tell something is off about his Phantom as a person here. You can hear it in his voice a bit too. It had a sort of unearthly mesmerizing quality to it. This is the closest to a mysterious dark angel out of the Phantoms. He's especially possessive, but it's more in the way you might expect and different from KJT Phantom. The way he draws her to him with his hands, the way he touches his lips when he comes around the organ towards her 👀 He even tugged her along a bit when he led her to the bride in the mirror and urged her to look at the gift. With SEH Christine it was interesting to see her slowly unwind throughout the song since she's the more hesitant of the two. A Christine like SJS is definitely easier "prey" for him

Here's a little taste of his Music of the Night. Some of his more dramatic movements are actually a little bit similar to how he moved as the Phantom in this song, but he has a specific strange aura when actually in character.

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I Remember / Stranger Than You Dream It

...SEH Christine is a little too curious and innocent maybe. Because wow if I saw a big weird masked man looking like that while working I simply? Would not want to mess with him at all, not getting anywhere near him. While the music box played, he was breathing (almost grunting) very audibly and heavily in frustration. He was very tense and focused. She was very playful and even mischievous-looking as she tried to swipe at his mask. It was like a game to her. Right at the moment he seemed to find his flow, playing the music in the air with his eyes closed, she succeeded. He's the scariest one during the outburst! His voice sounded venomous at the start and his eyes were wild as he covered the side of his face with both hands. The way he tilted his head watching her was very off-putting. Actually rather than becoming sadder, he almost seemed even creepier as he got closer. My seat was very close on that end of the stage and as I saw him approaching I wanted to back away myself! But at the end, I did start to feel sorry for him. It was really pitiful seeing this magnificent and seemingly magical genius be reduced to...this. The other Phantoms appear more human here, but he truly did look like some dark being trying desperately to be like a regular human, trying to be a part of this world. The angel of music is not, in fact, an angel, but....well who knows what he is. When she returned the mask, he looked like he couldn't make sense of what was happening. I could see his eyes glistening a little like tears were threatening to fall. I think he felt especially uncomfortable looking so weak in front of her. His Phantom felt like he had everything completely under control, but he managed to be disarmed so suddenly. His face was now revealed as well as the hidden dark part of himself

AIAOY Reprise

Kinda upset that my angle made it difficult to see him because the angel wing was obstructing him the times he wasn't leaning forward enough. But also how does he even fit on there. And also how did he manage to be the one who moved the least? He must be folded like an origami piece up there. Anyway oh boy. When saying Christine's name the first time, he sounded broken and small while looking down. But the second time he slowly lifted his head giving a cold dark stare ahead and spoke in a low and threatening voice that faded off. He had this rage building up and spreading through him and began his final lines in a harsh growling voice. He's extra intimidating because he kind of just fully gets up making himself as big as possible. I was laughing during intermission when I was heading to the lobby and two girls ran by me in the aisle going "EEEEE 무서워요!! / I'm scared!" So true, girlies, so true

Why So Silent?

JDS/KJT Phantoms lift up Christine's chin when they finally address her, but he pulled her a little roughly towards him. Not a big thing but definitely got a yikes from me when I saw it!

Wandering Child

Oh he is so weird and freaky somebody's gotta push him off that mausoleum I don't like it (no I love it as an acting choice though I just mean it's uncomfortable) 😭 The way he moves his entire body so much is so creepy? How do I even describe those movements. He would crouch or lean forward in a lunging position, but also made these big gestures with his arms again and looked like he was trying to use some power to pull Christine towards him He used an odd sarcastic tone mocking Raoul like he barely even viewed him as a threat.

The Point of No Return

The trap is set and waits for its prey! ...But also, Christine, Piangi just grew like 10 feet taller turning into a brick wall of a man and you don't find this.... suspicious maybe? No? Okay... He opens that curtain and it's like:

ANYWAY He had such an eerie way of singing to me. There was this hypnotic energy again like in MOTN. Once again the hands...when he tips her head side to side with his fingers under her chin in his last lines of his verse it's like he's putting her in a trance. She actually looked a bit disoriented for a moment, but her expression was slowly changing like she was suspecting something was wrong even before she turned to him. He was scarily calm looking throughout the song. You mostly just saw his shoulders moving from his slow steady breathing. Occasionally he would slowly take a look at her to see what she was doing, but it was more like he was preparing himself than getting stressed. She touched him and he only flinched very slightly before reaching up to her completely ready to join their hands. He was practically pulling her down actually to touch her more. I think he was sure that he was succeeding. When she had discovered him, he closed in like a beast about to pounce with his hands in position to grab her in case she tried to flee. But when she threw the hood off he was taken off guard During the AIAOY Reprise "언제나, 어디든, 영원히 / Always, anywhere, forever" -> "Anywhere you go let me go too" was a painful cry as well as the word "어둠에 / (into) darkness" in "또 다시 지옥 같은 어둠에 / Once again into darkness like hell" later for Down Once More and he delivered his next lines in a terrifying voice. It was similar to the AIAOY Reprise on the angel. I have to admit it partially concerned me (just because here and Les Mis he had a few slight rough moments, he cracked a tiny bit at the very end of 'Who Am I' after an otherwise very solid note). Overall though I think he has amazing ability and it's just wear from the rough schedule he has unfortunately. The choices did work either way!

Final Lair

He is so unhinged and unstable. Now he had this rough vicious villainous tone and sometimes he used that mocking voice again like he did in 'Bravo Monsieur'. He practically hissed out the line about the world never accepting him. His gestures with his arms were so theatrical and huge and the way he moved about was so heavy, jerky, and unsettling. When he threw the noose on Raoul he had the most terrifying laugh and jumped a little spitting out his taunts loudly He stood up fast and leaned in close to her face to whisper “날 시험하지말고 / Don't test me” so very quietly before he screamed for her to choose. He said it with spite in his voice, but he was actually holding back tears when he turned around. He had been so dangerous before, but Christine managed to disarm him once again with her words. Christine dropped lower from her position on her knees with a sob. It wasn't out of fear, seeing him like this just seemed to hurt her. This kiss was an interesting one to analyze. Some people thought this part tends to make him seem unmoved? But I disagree with the conclusion some people had made around that time that his Phantom didn't change or develop. He wasn't very openly reactive to the first one, he was completely frozen. The second time he clenched and unclenched his fists until he pulled her hand away quickly and rushed off staggering and holding his head. I saw reviews saying he would simply repeat his actions over again based on his reactions. I personally just think his change is different. I think CJR Phantom thinks he knows everything and that he can control everything that will happen so it scares him when he faces something unexpected. I think this is why he started to finally unravel at the very end. He cannot predict anything Christine will do, she always does the opposite of what he would think. Love and compassion were the last things he would ever expect. I don't even think he knew what kindness looks like. But he finally understood in that moment and he also understood that he couldn't force her to be there with him now. Something I noted during this performance in particular: HGH Raoul tried to urge Christine that they need to leave, but SWG would seem a bit confused in the moment and look at the Phantom like he was trying to understand what just happened. It just especially stood out to me across from CJR Phantom because of how much of a threat he had been. He was trying to process this because of the way the Phantom was just moments before and almost looked like he maybe even pitied him in a weird way. Christine came back pretty early this time to return the ring and watched the Phantom while covering her mouth in disbelief. It was as if this was the one moment he finally showed his real human side to her. She could really see him as a regular man now. When he realized she was there, he was really startled and practically jumped away like he was bracing himself for something (perhaps thinking the mob had arrived for him?). He went over to her wondering why she had returned, but once he realized he softly sang that he loved her. She nodded knowingly trying to hold back her tears. He looked so small suddenly when she left him alone there

Please when I tell you Jae-rim got the loudest screams out of every curtain call I experienced lol. He was goofing off, but at one point the shrieking was so loud he looked a little embarrassed about it heh. Even louder than that though was his Les Mis curtain call where everyone just about lost their goddamn minds seeing him pick up and spin little Cosette (I was one of those people, I'm weak)

Anyway it's promo time! Here's some bonus videos for you to enjoy

POTO Medley in English from 2013 (Wandering Child -> MOTN -> Think of Me -> All I Ask of You -> - he could easily be in English POTO honestly since he speaks English very well. He sings the actual show pretty differently and his vocals have improved, but it's still very nice and interesting to listen to after all this time.

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Ah next one is cursed I know I know...but he almost convinced me this show can be good like a very talented scammer. Please stick to only covers of this though... He's sung the English version before a few times, but here's the Korean one:

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And some non-POTO promo to show off his range because he's kind of crazy

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And that's it for all my Phantom reviews! 6 out of 6 shows yay! If you made it to this point thank you for reading and enduring. I hope my insanity brought you some kind of joy and entertainment. I just wanted to share everything I could so other people could have a taste in some way and so I could relive and document my memories. It was truly a dream experience for a longtime POTO fan to be able to see the show done in so many ways over just a few days.

#he makes me feel like the laziest person in the world #but guys his valjean...my heart...#as much as i enjoyed his phantom his valjean won the competition for me #anyway we love crazy bitches #오페라의 유령 #the phantom of the opera #poto korea #choi jae rim #song eun hye #song won geun #최재림 #송은혜 #송원근 #poto review

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tamarieatsbatteries175 · 8 months

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Hai welcome to my hell

You can call me Luvin, TVcat, Tamari (plsplspls use this one it will make me really happy), Sofanthiel (same thing with this one too),any swear words, idc. Mutuals have perms to call me Chiip :]

Pronouns are He/it/they/spark/beep/boop, and any other neos :]

♫︎ anything is chill really, as long as its not she/her or any feminine aligned surnames n stuff

Uhh more stuff:

♫︎ Robotkin

♫︎ Wolfkin

♫︎ Zeraora fictionkin

♫︎ Tamari fictionkin

♫︎ Inv/Enot fictionkin

♫︎ im a furry

♫︎ i am a minor

♫︎ my birthday is febuary 1st

♫︎ Timezone is EST.

Fandoms im in:

♫︎ Ghost and pals

♫︎ Vocaloid

♫︎ Murder Drones

♫︎ Rain World

♫︎ Omori [havent played the game yet but still]

♫︎ Project Sekai

♫︎ The Amazing Digital Circus

♫︎ Wings of Fire

♫︎ Warrior Cats

♫︎ Parties Are For Losers

♫︎ Pokemon

I will update the list as we go :]

I take art requests! It might take a while for me to get to yours though cuz art block is a bitch lol

My fursonas name is Luvin and they use the same pronouns as me

Username changed from tvcat0w0 -> chiipeatsbatteries175 -> tamarieatsbatteries175

My discord user is luluvin_ (for just in case if that KOSA bullshit does end up passing)

My tags:

Art- #Sillyart

My brothers art tag- #Watermelons Gallery

Reblogs (though i tend to forget to use this tag)- #sillyreblog

Text posts- #Chiip is a huge bug enthusiast

Text posts from 2023- #sillytalking

Vents- #Not so silly sillytalking

Asks- #answering the sillies

Real life photos- #Tamari irl

Extra tag for when people infodump/show me about their blorbos- #blorbo storage

My warrior cats oc fanclans tag- #Chiips silly fanclans

Rando facts about me:

♫︎ My favorite songs are Reckless Battery Burns, End-World Normopathy both by Ghost and Pals, and !!! by Zer0h :D

♫︎ my favorite color is green

♫︎ my irl friend calls me pookie bear [i think it would be quite funny of people called me this on here too /silly]

---------------

Please tag me in things you think i would might like, and i am also 100% open to talk to :] dms are open :D

I almost forgot my sideblogs: @cattingyourfavs , @ittybitty-azlyn , @just-kevin-things , @the-spinner-that-spins-things , @where-is-tamari-now , @that-thing-luvin , @chiipsimportantblog , @tamari-official , and a secret alterhuman blog that i originally had on this list but thought it would be fun to keep hidden >:]

If you have any questions, just ask! Pleeease :]

More info here:

Homophobes, terfs, pedos, zoos, anti-furs, anti-alterhuman/therian, kink and nsfw blogs, Pro Israel, and anything similar shall not interact with my blog.

PLEASE INTERACT:

ALTERHUMANS, RAIN WORLD FANS, GHOST AND PALS FANS, OTHER TAMARIS, INVS, AND ZERAORAS!!!

VERY IMPORTANT DNI LIST:

All user boxes made by me

K thanks for reading look at teto now

#woag new and improved intro post be apon ye #intro post #Chiip is a huge bug enthusiast

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thefallenangelsgang · 4 months

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The Avantris Fam Discord got this a few days early, but, in a burst of academic energy I haven't felt in weeks, I wrote a 2k word Literary Analysis on Marius from Edge of Midnight in 4 hours (complete with citations and sources)

What you are about to read is the culmination of an 18 day hyper fixation (I averaged more than a session* a day) (*each session being about 3 hours in length). It has only been slightly edited for better Tumblr consumption. It is legitimately almost 2k words. It starts VERY academic (as I get to flex my knowledge on an obscure Arthurian legend I love) and then immediately drops off in quality as I traverse some "dubious psycho-analysis" (my own words) and try to wrap up a half finished thoughts that should be thousands of words longer.

If you want to see my active descent into madness or the original google doc this was written in, join the discord (linked above!). I've got massive Legends of Avantris Brain Rot and will for a very long time I fear.

TW for Sexual Assault Themes (please tell me if my tw tags are not extensive enough)

CW for my insufferable academic attitude, literary analysis where no one wanted it, "dubious psycho-analysis", half finished thoughts, DnD, vampires, and my sailors mouth

Marius: An Analysis on Chivalry and Chastity

Break to save your dash

To get the literary shit out of the way, Marius’s seduction is a parallel of the Arthurian Legend “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” intentionally or not. I have a sneaking suspicion perhaps The Duchess scene is also based on the “Tale of Sir Galahad” bit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail BUT that bit draws inspiration from Gawain’s story. So no matter which way you cut it, Marius is connected to Gawain to SOME degree.

Attempting to be brief, I’ll sum up Gawain as briefly as I, someone who loves this tale a ridiculous amount, can.

Gawain is King Arthur’s nephew, a knight of the round table, young, chivalrous, pious, but itching to prove himself. He loves the aging Arthur and Arthur loves him like a son but he feels restless in his station because he has not gone on a great quest like many of the other knights.

Serendipitously, during the New Years celebrations a strange man enters Arthur’s great hall. He is green and carries a great axe in one hand and a bough of holly in his other. He challenges anyone in the room to hit him with the axe and he will return the blow in a year and a day. No one takes the man up on the challenge. Arthur is about to do it when Gawain takes his chance to prove himself. Thinking he can outsmart the Green Knight, Gawain cleaves the man’s head from his shoulders. Unexpectedly the Green Knight picks up his detached head, leaves the axe for Gawain as a trophy, and strides out of there with the reminder that he will return the blow in a year and a day. Gawain has effectively doomed himself.

Attempting to put off his fate, Gawain waits to seek the Green Knight until All Saints Day (November 1st). He is sent forth with all of the pomp and circumstance a Knight of the Round Table and favorite of King Arthur can get. He spends nearly two months seeking someone who knows of the Green Chapel where the Green Knight resides and is fruitless. Winter sets in and he begins to suffer exposure when he is greeted by a beautiful castle that seemingly appears out of nowhere. He meets the Lord of the Castle and the Lord's beautiful wife. In the spirit of Christmas the Lord challenges Gawain to a game. The Lord will be hunting the next three days, anything he catches is to be Gawain’s. In return Gawain is to give the Lord anything he receives during his stay.

Well what Gawain receives is a lot of unwanted attention from the Lord’s wife. She attempts to seduce the ever pious Knight. Gawain, minding his promise and his tenets, only allows her six kisses over the course of the three days. All of which he returns to the Lord. But seeing as she can’t sway him with the sins of the flesh, she tempts Gawain with magic. The same day she convinces Gawain to receive three kisses she offers him an enchanted sash that will keep him from harm. Gawain accepts this knowing it will save his life in the coming days. He breaks his promise to the Lord and does not divulge this gift.

Gawain keeps his appointment with the Green Knight who admonishes Gawain when he flinches at the first swing, holds back on his second, and finally drives home the third, only wounding Gawain slightly. Gawain now must confess his temptation to the Green Knight who tells him that it is not Gawain’s fault. This has all been a plan by Morgan le Fay to attempt to ruin Arthur. Gawain only fell to part of her plan and so it has been thwarted. He should learn from this stumble on his path. And learn he does.

Monty Python takes this tale and guts it for “the Tale of Sir Galahad” segment. Galahad is instead searching for the Grail when he stumbles upon a mystical castle with a grail shaped beacon. His temptress(es) are the “8 scores” of young women of Castle Anthrax. He too enters the castle sick from exposure and wounded and thwarts unwanted advances until he learns that the grail is not there. Before he can fall to his temptation Lancelot, Ector, and ironically Gawain rescue him from his “peril” judging it to be “too perilous” for him to face. (It is really important to note that the actual Sir Galahad in Arthurian Legend doesn’t have a story that even resembles this one. Galahad is supposed to be an emulation of good ol’ Jesus Christ and the perfect chivalric Knight. He literally ascends to heaven in his tale. The only reason Gawain’s Tale is used is because it is the perfect setting to test “Sir Galahad the Pure” as long as you fudge a few details.)

These are both humorous stories with happy endings. It is important that Marius’s story is not.

Marius is searching for the Grail much like Sir Galahad in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (a parallel Mikey brings up often by singing “Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Robin Marius”).

Like both Gawain and Galahad his quest leads him on a lengthy adventure that causes him to suffer from exposure to the elements. A fate he is saved from by a mystical castle that appears out of nowhere.

Much like Gawain and Galahad, this Castle is the home of a seductress.

And all too much like Sir Gawain, the Lord of this Castle is away on a hunting expedition.

But here is where Sir Gawain, Sir Galahad, and Sir Marius’s stories diverge. Because Marius’s story partially is a story of sexual assault.

We see in the ritual that Marius’s “head is filled with exhaustion, wine, and a strange perfume that feels almost magical in its enchantment” (Nikkie’s narration, 2:32:00, Chapter 17). There’s literally no other way to say this, Marius cannot consent to the acts about to take place in The Red Duchess’s bedchamber. He is too sick, too drunk, and, on top of it, literally charmed.

His affliction is also another facet of this assault. While his transformation is not a direct result or part of the sex act, it follows quickly on the heels of it. Nikkie even notes Marius is still naked and that the shame of what has just happened is beginning to bubble up.

(Now this is where I get into the dubious psycho-analysis)

Perhaps attempting to swallow that shame, he accepts the Faux Grail and drinks from it, not questioning the appearance of the so-called Grail of Dawn. If he can just get through this night he can bring it back to Victor and all will be righted. He can live with the shame if it saves his kingdom.

But that isn’t the Grail of Dawn he is drinking from and the woman who has just taken something irreplaceable from him is not just a beautiful woman looking for the comforts of the flesh on a cold, lonely winter’s night. And he is going through something so much more horrible than being assaulted like he has been.

And so he ends up back in the cold, irrevocably changed through no fault of his own, and he hates himself for it.

It’s heartbreakingly common that Sexual Assault survivors blame themselves for being assaulted. Marius’s conviction that he was at fault, that if only he was stronger, smarter, less feeble, he could have found a way to say no. He could have escaped her clutches. He wouldn’t be a Dhampir. He wouldn’t be haunted by her noxious perfume. He would still have his clear connection to Lathander.

None of it is really his fault. The Duchess took advantage of him. There was truly nothing he could have done to change his fate that night.

At this point I am trying to articulate some of the things @middycat_ @zer09851 and @purpledinosaurdnd were talking about here https://discord.com/channels/223485292449890305/892828741900849182/1182483200505815153

I think I want to jump into my High Inquisitor thoughts because they tie so closely with the novel I wrote above. This section is admittedly a little more scatterbrained.

The High Inquisitor is a perfect example of both Marius’s self loathing and the way abusers seemingly can sniff out who has been abused before. From the second we meet her she singles Marius out. While yes, Marius is the most “normal” out of the EoM cast, Jericho is a MUCH easier target. He is touch starved and his sin is literally Envy. Jericho would have bent immediately at the first hints of affection and then she has an actual demon under her control. But Marius, though a tougher catch, is a much tastier meal so to say. (Not in that way you freaks /j)

By answering to the High Inquisitor’s beckoning is how we end up with Marius as the Crimson Abbot. His self hatred would make him spiral and he’d turn to his Wrath to compensate. We’ve seen it before, especially recently when he thinks Lathander has abandoned him. He gives in because it's so much easier. She wants me? Fine. Let her have me in all of my broken glory. I’m too wrong to serve Lathander. Etc etc.

Man, I wish I could string these thoughts together better.

AHA! This was the thought I had that I felt needed more context!

@middycat_ brought up “hoping beyond hope that it’s not lathander’s choice to leave him”

I think the severed connection between him and Lathander is both a subconscious self-sabotage and a direct result of the ritual binding him to The Red Duchess.

Most of the binding rituals I was pretty comfortable with. Lethica, Briggsy, Farryn, and somewhat Yorgrim were simply binding themselves to their gods/patrons. (I’m still not entirely sure what the Maiden of the Mists' whole deal is about but she seems mostly benevolent for now. Mr Crossroads didn’t really make Briggsy that way, he kinda was a bastard from the start. The zombification was a result of “fuck around and find out”). The ones I felt least comfortable with and that are reaping the most consequences are Jericho and Marius. Jericho’s character analysis is another similarly sized tome that will have to wait but he is having a harder and harder time keeping Virgil in check. Marius has bound himself to the woman that literally raped him.

No wonder Lathander has found it hard to commune with him, The Duchess is practically breathing down his neck, whispering in his ear that he is not worthy of Lathander. He has been debased, ruined, made unloveable in the eyes of that god. And at least up until Chapter 22 he has been pushing back against that. Not any longer. He’s given in. As @middycat_ said “he’s a tired old man, a jaded old soldier who should have long since given up this fight to someone else.”

I am afraid we are about to see the beginnings of the Crimson Abbot

And the only thing that can save Marius are his friends.

But I am also afraid they may not learn their lessons in time. Many of them tried to encourage him to fuck or made fun of him for not fucking the High Inquisitor when he was clearly triggered by something.

Jericho will have to quash his envy.

Briggsy and Farryn will have to admit they were wrong.

Lethica and Yorgrim will have to speak up.

Inaction hurts as much as action

And Marius needs all the help he can get.

[If you stuck this out A) you deserve awards and B) check out my other 2k word research essay on a niche topic: Why Ghouls Look Different Across the Fallout Games (Not because of Stylistic Differences) ]

This is fucking insane but here are the sources i used

Sir Gawain

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Gawain_and_the_Green_Knight https://www.yorku.ca/inpar/sggk_neilson.pdf (Translation PDF if you want to read the tale)

Sir Galahad

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galahad (for the one time i reference his actual arthurian legend)

Monty Python (I really can’t believe I cited this)

https://montycasinos.com/montypython/grailmm2.php.html (This is a script I was quoting from) https://montypython.fandom.com/wiki/Sir_Galahad (I was looking for other info on him in the movie but ended pulling the list of knights from this)

Pretty basic article on why victims blame themselves

https://www.throughthewoodstherapy.com/sexual-assault-survivors-blame/ (In case you want to do some light reading)

EoM Episodes

17 + 22 Definitely Anytime the High Inquisitor shows up

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