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thewritingstar · 4 years

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To Learn to Love Again

Pairing: Gruvia

warnings: character death..

Hi! im not dead I swear!! any ways i truly apologize for this one.......like i cried........but i hope you enjoy???? (i need to write cute stuff...its coming!)

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“Someone as vile as you could never learn love, and that's where you lose.”

Those words had haunted her ever since they had been spoken. Her expression didn’t even waver at the tone and she rolled her eyes before plunging a knife deep into their stomach, silencing them for all eternity. The blood leaked out and she was gone before their leg had stopped twitching.

And they were right. She could never love, not again.

She had gone through husband after husband. Finding a rich hallow shell of man who would drop to their knees in a slight second and offer her everything, that was what she had. She collected her debt and when she was done, they would be cast aside in the shadows, divorced and some even left for dead.

That look of numbness, it was cold and brutal and brought a frosty chill down anyone's spine who had happened to catch her gaze, it was always there.

Ring after ring, she tossed them aside or would leave them for an orphanage to pawn off just to feed the hungry children, she had some sort of heart beneath all the smoke and fog inside. They never lasted longer than a month and if so, it could rust off before she could ever say ‘i love you’.

Those words, like fire on the tongue, sick to the stomach and made her toes curl in disgust any time someone uttered them to her. It was all one sided. She didn’t need affection or anyone. She could handle herself but taking ego of a man and all his riches could only fill the hole in her heart for long. She had sold her soul along time ago anyways.

Love. It almost had her laugh. Almost. It was pathetic at this point to even think about it, to even give that hope a speck of light. No, she was far to gone now. There was nothing in this universe that brought her pride or joy. Even the sweet lemon candy she once loved had lost its touch and was just a force of habit now.

-- She clean the knife in the sink and set it aside. Her gaze went out the window as the rain trickled on. Something so beautiful and needed for the world to grow had now become a nuisance, flooding everything in its path and drawing people away than in. But she was fine with that, at least she knew her place.

Even in the pouring rain, she grabbed the umbrella. She once had a bright pink one with hearts that danced along the top but traded it for the dark blue as it seemed to fit her better now. Someday she wished she had it back, but that would be too much. It would bring back more bitterness than good.

She boots squished in the mud and she gave up caring. There was nothing for her now and slowly and slowly she felt herself drifting farther and farther away, wishing she was like the rain. Here for a second, then gone the next.

“Never learn to love.” She clutched the handle, her knuckles turning white.

She could never love any other.

Not any more.

“Thats where you lose.”

And she had lost.

But they were wrong about love. Wrong about her never feeling the highs and lows of what the feeling was. She had been in love before, a beautiful and wonderful love.

Her memory was constantly playing those times, a loop for only her to know. Where she could run through the forest with him hot on her heels and they would lose their breath and slump against the tree. He would lean over her, hiding her from the burning sun under a tree and kiss her cheek, then her neck, then her lips. She could almost taste him. She could almost see the way his eyes glazed over as he took her in and she could feel the blush.

Memories of them fighting bad guys and using their strengths to out number their opponents, she would hug him tight after a victory and they would slip away from the crowds and he would tell her how much her loved her.

The times they spent dancing, humming to their own tunes. She remembers how shy he was when they first started dating but then his confidence soared and he made sure that everyone knew how much he adored her.

Her laughed at her jokes, held her when she was sad and cheered her on no matter what. They were the ones people rooted for.

The feeling of love was always with her and it washed away the years of pain and suffering she endured. He was the one to carry her out of the dark, to love her a full capacity. To make her head be in the clouds even on the bad days.

She knew what love was.

And then it ended just as it began. She had love the tragedy in literature and now she was suffering, the only difference was once the book close, you could open it and start again. This was permanent.

The scream that escaped her lips as she watched his knees buckle to the ground and fall just as he saved her, it echoed through the empty walls of the house they once shared. The blood that coated the fresh fallen snow, stuck to her mind that a broken record player and when she held him in her arm, he gave her a smile.

His head was in her lap and she brushed back his bangs. His chest rising and falling, it stopping faster and faster. Her face was red with tears and anger but all she could see was his dark brown eyes looking up at her. She could tell you the moment when his eyes had lost his soul and turned black.

“You saved me again.” She said and he had enough strength to bring her hand to his lips.

“You were always so beautiful even when you cried.” he whispered just as his eyes fluttered. “I love you.” And she didn’t think he heard her when she said it back.

She had lost the only one she had ever loved. And that next day she still walked down in her wedding dress and cried until the sun rose the next day. That pit of despair and fear crawled back into her slowly, undoing all the darkness he had vanished.

There was nothing stopping her, nothing keeping her going. And when they all came to find her, she was long gone, never to be seen again.

-- Her feet slowed as she stopped at a small clearing in the forest.

The money, the jewels, the riches. None of that mattered.

This life she was living was suppose to be theirs. She was suppose to wake up and see him there. Walk down the path with him at her side and watch as he would make her small sculptures out of ice. He would sit on the counter as she baked and try and distract her. There was so much of the world left to see yet she had lost her universe already.

Her knees hit the group with a thud but she made no noise as she guided her hand to the cold stone that had his name engraved. The only thing that ever made her feel even the smallest speck of emotion was her ring.

The only ring she had even wore was from him, her beloved. And even that had lost its sparkle over time.

“You know Gray-sama…” She thought this was dumb. Talking to a stone, but right now, more than ever, she needed him. “Juvia thought she could do it… she thought she could be okay.” Her lips trembled and for the first time in a while, she cried. “You taught Juvia how to love. How to be a wonderful and selfless person, you did. And its not fair” Another wave of sadness hit her. She shook her head. “The way you smiled and laughed with your friends, you loved everyone.”

“Juvia just hopes you knew how much she loved you.” She sobbed and she could feel the tears burning her cheeks.

There was a silence, like always and she hoped she would wake up from this bad dream and he would be standing there and his arms would be open and she would run to him and never let go. But she didn’t, and she never would. He was her person and she was his.

She sat at his grave, tracing his name slowly and she prayed that she never forgot the sound of his voice or the smell of his clothes. The feeling of his hands and the texture of his lips had faded like a whisper and before she realized what was happening, it was gone.

“Happy anniversary my love.”

The sky above grew darker as she finally managed to walk away, turning around just to feel her heart shatter again. She could never learn to love again, because how could you love someone when your heart had been given up long ago?

And then the minute reset.

Her eyes were blurry with tears as she heard someone call her name.

“Juvia!” She looked down to see Gray in her lap, fear in his eyes as pulled her close.

Her entire memory had become twisted in her mind as she looked around at the battle field then back at Gray. Her tears were full of anger and sorrow.

“Juvia?’ He said worried about that look but before he could finish she had slammed their lips together and pulled him closer to her.

His breath was warm on her face as she pulled away and she looked him in the eyes. they were still the beautiful shade of brown, full of life with pupils blown wide.

“Gray, promise Juvia you’ll never leave her like that again?”

And the look on her face had sent a cold shiver down his spine. He didn’t know that he had just died and their future had played in her mind, but what he did know in that moment was to never leave her because he loved her.

“I promise.”

She had learned to love, but she would be damned if she ever lost. No, not ever again.

That night Gray gave her a promise ring and it shined brightly and her tears and sorrow were soon forgotten.

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Btw i wasn’t going to add the happy ending but then i thought that yall maybe needed it. Im sorry i havent been posting but now that we are in quarantine, hopefully i can get more going, i have alot planned!!

hope you enjoyed!

#gruvia #gruvia oneshot #gruvia fanfiction #gray x juvia #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #Juvia Lockser #fairy tail #fairytail oneshot #thewritingstar

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horansqueen · 5 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 23

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.8k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- a bit longer and i do feel like its awk but thats how its meant to be. i mean the first part with Harry is supposed to be awk a bit and the second part is supposed to be slightly heartbreaking.

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 23 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Harry drove me home in silence after I gave him my address. I thought he'd propose to go to his place but I remembered that Harry was used to move around and that he was sleeping on people's couches for a while a few years ago. It made me even more curious about him and I realized that Harry was a complex person and that he was special. It made me want to get to know him better.

When we got to my place, he parked and I unbuckled my seat belt before turning to look at him.

"I don't want to talk about it." I just let out low enough to be sure my voice wouldn't be shaking.

He turned his head my way and sent me a fond smile. I held my breath as his eyes roamed on my face and back in my eyes.

"I know."

His voice was soft, understanding, almost resigned. I reached for his hand on his thigh and squeezed his fingers. I was mad at Niall, hurt by his lie, and I wanted to think about something else, spend time with someone else.

"Do you... want to come in?" I asked, shrugging only one shoulder. "Spend the night, maybe?"

He looked surprised and then a bit taken aback but he finally raised his eyebrows at me, holding my hand tighter. His fingers were warm and I couldn't help but realize what I had just proposed but the truth was, I wanted it. I couldn't pretend it wasn't to take my mind off Niall but I didn't do it to spite him.

"Are you sure that it's what you want?" he breathed gently, bending down closer to me.

My eyes dropped to his lips as mine parted.

"Fuck yes I am." I whispered back, making him smirk and then chuckle. "I've been ready for a while."

The few times something sexual had happened between Harry and I, it was incredible. I couldn't lie, those orgasms were amazing and needed, and even when he was the one getting pleasure, I was getting something out of it. The satisfaction to know I was the one making him feel like that was almost as good as the orgasms he gave me.

"I'm pretty sure it's my turn to pay you back." I added as my lips curled.

He kept silent for a few seconds, a smile still on his lips, and I tilted my head, waiting for his reaction.

"Not tonight. Maybe next time." he pointed out, making my heart skip a beat. "Tonight I just..."

He brought two of his fingers on one of my shoulders and let them slide down on the front of my shirt, between my breasts, as his eyes dropped.

"Tonight I just want to feel myself inside you." he continued, looking up to stare in my eyes. "Only if you want to."

He took his fingers back and I suddenly realized I had stopped breathing. My whole body started throbbing and I just swallowed hard, licking my lips. I couldn't hide that I was nervous but I was even more excited and that feeling clearly won over the other. He had seen me naked already, which was probably what I had feared the most, and I couldn't hide that it still scared me. I tried to tell myself that if he hadn't liked what he had seen before, he wouldn't ask for more, right?

"You know I do."

We smiled at each other and he finally followed me inside. I was a bit ashamed of where I lived since I knew what kind of house Harry had while I lived in a 5 rooms apartment but when I opened the door, the familiar scent reached my nose and I sighed low. I didn't know if it was relief or well-being but either way, it felt good to be back. I hadn't stepped foot in my place for months and although I enjoyed spending time at Niall's, all my stuff was here and it made it my special place.

I let my purse fall next to the couch and turned around swiftly to face Harry. I didn't dare turning the lights on but I could see his face perfectly with the lights from outside.

"I had a good time, it was a nice date." I pointed out in a whisper as his hands reached for my waist.

I ran my tongue on my bottom lip before biting it gently. He took an other step closer and I could feel the warmth from his body emanating against mine as my whole body started throbbing again. I brought my hands to the bottom of my shirt but he shook his head slowly.

"No, please, let me."

I gave in and nodded, moving my arms up as he grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. His hands reached to my skirt and he pulled on it as I stood in front of him, motionless. It took me a few seconds but I finally stepped out of my skirt, moving back and extending my hand to him. I was only in my underwear in front of him while he was still completely dressed but he reached for the back of his shirt to take it off, letting it fall next to mine on the floor. He took my hand and I walked back until my room. I knew this apartment by heart and I didn't hit anything even if i was walking backwards and in the dark. My room was even darker but I blinked a few times, trying to get used to the darkness. I searched for Harry's pants, fumbling to find his zipper with one hand as the other pressed against his cock.

I never thought I'd be surprised by a guy's dick but I had to admit that Harry's was bigger than any other man's I had been with. I knew it sounded weird but it made me even more nervous until I felt his parted lips press against mine. His fingers reached for the straps of my bra, moving them down gently. His fingertips brushed against my shoulder and it made me moan in his mouth.

"I feel like I haven't fucked in a decade." I whispered, feeling his lips curl at my words.

"Me too."

I knew that he had had opportunities and I was scared that he would be disappointed after having sex with me. Maybe he was going to regret not going out more during the tour to meet people. Maybe he was going to realize the wait wasn't worth it. I tried to push that thought away and unzipped his pants, trying to push them down quickly. One of his hands reached for mine and squeezed them gently.

"No rush, okay?"

His warm breath weirdly made me shiver as I nodded slowly. He pulled his pants down and I reached over his boxers to rub my hand gently against his cock, making him groan.

"I've been thinking about your hands on me constantly after that time in the woods."

I chuckled against his lips and closed my eyes as I pulled his boxers down. Knowing that Harry Styles had enjoyed the hand job I gave him to the point of thinking about it continuously was risible, almost absurd, but I knew he was sincere and it made my heart skip a beat.

His hand slipped in my panties and I held my breath as two of his fingers slid on my clit before slipping inside me, making me whimper despite myself. One of my hand grabbed his dick hard, pressing my fingers on it, while my other hand gripped his hair.

"I could get addicted to this." I admitted in a murmur.

I thought he'd smirk again or laugh but he only pushed his fingers deeper and I pushed on his head to kiss him more.

"Yea?" he breathed in-between kisses. "I hope you do."

Slowly, he took his hand away and bent down, bringing my panties with him. When he moved up again, his hands ran against my legs and up my waist and arms until he cupped my face. As I always do when I stand naked in front of someone, I started getting self-conscious but Harry just kissed me, brushing his lips on my jaw and down my neck.

"I love your body."

My first thought was that he was lying but when his arms slithered around me, I tried to only focus on the way his fingers unclasped my bra. It fell between us on the floor and both his hands reached for my breasts. His thumbs rubbed against my nipples and I felt them get hard suddenly at his touch.

"You wanna lay down?"

It took me half a second and I was laying on the bed, watching him pull his boxers all the way down. He moved locks of his hair behind his ears and I realized how gorgeous he was, standing naked in front of me, only illuminated by the lights from the street. I was excited, horny, and I wanted him, but I couldn't help but feel like something was not right, like I didn't belong here with him. I didn't want to think about Niall at this specific moment but I did and I had to swallow hard to make sure I wouldn't tear up.

As if on cue, I heard the sound of my cellphone coming from the living room, in my purse, and I knew it was Niall. Ironically, the ringtone I had picked for him was a mix of different parts of One Direction songs that he had solos and when Harry moved on top of me, I could hear Niall's voice sing the first part of 'Olivia'. I tried not to think about it but I heard it all and held my breath, unable to focus on Harry's touch.

"Remember the day we were giving up When you told me I didn't give you enough And all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving you She's lying in bed with my t-shirt on Just thinking how I went about it wrong This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love

Please believe me, don't you see The things you mean to me? Oh I love you, I love you I love, I love, I love Olivia."

My phone stopped ringing immediately after and I tried to remember if Niall was aware of my ringtone or not. He couldn't have done that on purpose, right?

"Liv, are you okay?"

I got out of my thoughts and my eyes roamed on Harry's face close to mine. I moved my knees up and my heart skipped a beat when I felt his now hard cock press between my legs.

"Please Harry, fuck me."

I knew it was wrong to ask him that right after thinking about my best friend but I couldn't help myself. I wanted Harry, there was no doubt about it, but if he could take my mind off of Niall for a while and fuck my pain away, it was simply a bonus.

"I thought you'd want.."

"No." I answered gently, shaking my head. "Just fuck me."

I didn't want to take my time. I didn't want to go slow and I didn't want to 'make love'. I wanted him inside me, I wanted a few orgasms, I wanted to hear him moan and feel his lips on my skin. He moved his hips closer to me and I spread my legs more, feeling the tip of his cock slip inside me. I dug my nails in the skin of his upper arms but his expression didn't even change. He simply moved closer again, his eyes roaming on my face as my lips parted and my eyes got bigger. It took half a minute to feel him completely inside me and the feeling was so amazing that I could feel myself throb around him.

"Oh my god." I breathed out before his lips reached mine again.

I knew I needed that but I had no idea just how bad until that moment. I loved how he seemed in total control of everything and he started moving in and out of me so slowly I started shaking beneath him. I squirmed a bit, trying to feel him deeper inside me and he finally gave in and started moving harder and quicker over me, his tongue slipping in my mouth as I moaned and panted. I knew I wouldn't last long and the way he stared at me as if he was waiting to watch me cum made me even hornier.

"Harry, i'm gonna cum."

I felt his lips reach for my neck, trailing small kisses on my skin and making a shiver cross my whole body as an orgasm reached me.

"Cum, I want to feel you."

I suddenly felt dizzy, my body quivering under his as he kept fucking me, going steadily and thrusting deep and hard inside me while still going slowly. I didn't know how he did it but I had never fucked that way before. My orgasm spread inside me and I moaned louder than intended, my eyes fluttering close. It was surprising that I came that hard, especially from the missionary, but I was not sure if it was due to my lack of orgasms recently or because of the way Harry made me feel. Either way, it was worth it and when I opened my eyes again, he was looking at me with a small smile but he had stopped moving.

We remained silent and I couldn't help but feel a bit awkward now that I came. I thought Harry would be more vocal, I thought he had a dirtier mouth, and it was surprising to find out the kind of person he was in bed. It was almost intimidating how in control he was and how much power he seemed to have both over me and himself. Last time, in the woods, he had cursed a few times and it made me wonder if he was holding everything in this time.

"I really want you to cum." I whispered, biting my bottom lip. "All over me."

He looked shock for half a second and I was happy to be able to destabilize him a bit. Without answering, he started fucking me again, this time quicker, and he moved his body up slightly, holding himself with his hands on each side of my face. I reached between us to brush a finger on my clit and breathed through my teeth at the sensation. I was still sensitive but I couldn't hide that the feeling was incredible.

"Please don't stop." I begged in a whisper, arching my back as he groaned.

Hearing him make a sound made me moan too and I rubbed my clit harder when he pulled out of me and stroked his cock hard before he reached an orgasm, his cum spurting all over my lower stomach.

"Holy fucking sh-"

I held my breath as I looked at him, his face twisting with pleasure and his eyes closed. It turned me on even more and I dipped my fingers in his cum, bringing it down to my pussy and rubbing my clit again. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and brought more of his cum between my legs and when my eyes opened again, I realized he was staring at my fingers. It made me hold my breath and I felt an other orgasm explode inside me, making me shaking and curse low, moaning his name a few times and touching myself until the feelings left my body completely.

"That was a sight." Harry let out with surprise, a chuckle leaving his lips.

I could feel my cheeks burn but just cleared my throat as he lied down next to me. After a while, we moved under the blankets and I stayed on my back, my eyes closed. I felt him move on the mattress and when I opened my eyes, I turned my head his way, realizing he was laying on his side, looking at me. His hand reached for my breasts and he ran the tip of his forefinger against my nipple, making me chuckle again.

"When did you get your nipples pierced."

"A long time ago, when I turned 18." I explained with a big smile. "Why?"

He shrugged, staring at my chest, and I licked my lips nervously.

"I don't know, I would never have guessed." he admitted. "And I didn't really have time to ask back at the lodge."

I didn't answer and he stopped touching me but moved a bit closer as I shut my eyes tight. It was not awkward anymore and although I was extremely tired, I wanted to spend some minutes to talk with him.

"It was different." I explained, opening my eyes as he sent me a frown. "Different than when we did things at the lodge. You didn't really talk or anything. You looked in control, almost indifferent."

His face changed and he sighed, bringing his hand to my cheek. I felt my heart melt at his touch but tried to hide how good the affection he was giving me made me feel.

"I was just trying to make things right." he confessed. "I wanted this to be perfect, you know. I wanted to focus on you."

I decided to keep quiet but I could feel something burn in my throat. I was convinced that sex was something that was meant to be shared with someone. I thought the point was to get pleasure but also give it. I didn't want him to focus only on me, I wanted him to feel just as good as I felt, I wanted this to be memorable for both of us.

"I'm sorry, I promise that next time-"

I didn't let him finish and crashed my lips against his. He seemed to relax and slipped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and deepening the kiss, this time groaning in my mouth.

"I may wake you up in the middle of the night to do it again." he whispered, making me chuckle before kissing me harder.

"You definitely should."

---

I woke up and rolled in bed, feeling his warm skin against mine as I cuddled him. The sun was up, I saw it shine through the window and I groaned, hiding my face in his neck. He hadn't woken me up in the night to fuck again but his arm was still wrapped around me and I blinked a few times before opening my eyes. He looked so peaceful when he slept that I even held my breath to make sure I wouldn't wake him up.

As I stared at him, I started thinking about Niall and what had happened at the café the night before. I couldn't remember the last time I went to bed mad at my best friend and I started wondering if it ever happened before. I closed my eyes and swallowed, thinking it was extremely possible that Niall had done with Maya what I had done with Harry and the thought made me nauseous. I was being a hypocrite, I knew it, but all the contradictions in my head seemed to make sense, even if only for me.

Slowly, I got out of Harry's warm embrace and grabbed his shirt on the floor to put it on. I walked out of the room on my tiptoe, looking back a few times to look at him, and finally sat on my couch, bending down to grab my purse. The number of notifications i saw on my phone made me hold my breath. A few missed calls and exactly 14 text messages were waiting for me and when i realized they were all from Niall, I felt my heart twist in my chest.

'I'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you'

'You're my best friend and i don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I lied.'

'Come on Liv, I'm sorry, please answer me.'

'Don't ignore me please I hate this'

'Are you with him? Is that why you're not answering me?'

'Call me. Or come home. We really need to talk.'

I didn’t have time to read all of them and jumped slightly when I heard a voice in my back.

"It's him, isn't it? He called last night when we were..."

I turned to look at Harry who stood naked in front of me and sighed low before getting up. He looked incredible, as usual, and I tilted my head, enjoying the view for a few more seconds. Was I going to ruin what I had with him the way I was ruining what I have with Niall? By keeping them both around, was I going to lose both of them?

"Yea, he wants to talk."

Harry nodded, pushing his messy hair behind his shoulders and shrugging.

"You should go then."

I didn't know what came over me but I felt a wave of affection towards Harry and walked around the couch to throw myself in his arms. He held me close and kissed the top of my head, making me smile more. I had no idea why he was so understanding but I couldn't explain how much it meant to me. He smelled good and when I got out of his embrace, he bent down to kiss my lips so gently that I felt my heart melt in my chest.

"Do you want me to wait for you here?" he asked in a whisper, making my eyes flutter open.

I didn't know how it would go with Niall, but I had just taken a decision. I stared at Harry,s perfect face and swallowed hard, scared of what I was going to do but knowing it had to be done. I brought my hands up to cup his face and ran my thumbs on his cheeks gently.

"Yes, please." I whispered back. "Wait for me."

"I will."

The double meaning behind this short exchange made me feel guilty and I just moved up on my tiptoes to kiss him again. I grabbed his upper lip between mine and nibbled on it softly before moving back slightly.

"I owe you, remember?" I breathed out with a smirk. "I'm getting on my knees as soon as I'm back."

He chuckled against my lips, his eyes still closed, but didn't answer.

"Go." he just let out.

I rushed to my room to get dressed and grabbed my stuff, searching for my keys in my purse as I walked quickly to my car. The ride seemed long even if it technically was not and when I rang the doorbell, it felt extremely awkward. When was the last time I had been away from Niall for so long? It was clearly before tour and it seemed like forever ago.

The door open slowly and I noticed how sad he looked. Was it my fault? As soon as his eyes met mine they got bigger and I could read hope all over his face.

"Liv, hey, i'm so sorry for all the text messages."

I kept silent and licked my lips but he just stared at me, putting his hands in his pockets quickly as his eyes roamed on my face. How can you miss someone so much after only a few hours apart? It was pathetic. He breathed in and finally sighed in a relieved way before moving on the side to let me in. I took a step in and walked to the living room, sitting on his couch and looking in front of me. This is where we had danced only a few days ago, and on that day, I could swear something was happening between us.

I got out of my thoughts when Niall sat next to me and I turned to him raising my eyebrows. For some reason, I felt like he was the one who should say something and I waited.

"I'm sorry. I swear I didn't want to lie to you, I just didn't want to talk about it."

"That hurts, Niall. You never lied to me before." I pointed out. "I mean, not that I know of."

"I haven't! Jesus Christ, I wish I had told you that Maya and I..."

I glanced behind him as if I was expecting Maya to appear wearing only his shirt or something like that. That simple thought made me swallow hard.

"I'm sorry." he shook his head and rubbed his eyes and all I wanted to do was tell him he was forgiven and hug him but I just remained motionless.

How could I admit to Niall that the reason I was so mad was that all this time, I had been hurt by a lie. Knowing that he had had sex with Maya had been something that had haunted me and made me cry at night and now, I was finding out that it never happened and that I had been hurt by something that was not real. It was mostly my fault, not his, but I couldn't tell him that without admitting to him that I had feelings for him.

"Look, Niall, I need a break."

His face twisted into a shocked expression and he shook his head, moving his upper body back a bit. His lips parted and all I could think about was how bad I wanted to straddle him and kiss him, how bad I wanted him to whisper my name, how bad I wanted him to beg me to stay.

"A break of what? Why?"

"Us, Niall. A break of this intense and abnormal friendship." I explained more, hoping my voice wouldn't crack.

His face changed and I could swear I saw fear in his eyes. His hands reached for mine and I swallowed again, trying not to answer his gesture when he squeezed my fingers.

"Our friendship is not abnormal, it's special and unique alright, but we're not doing anything wrong. We're friends I mean, we've always been best friends. I don't want things to change."

I didn't want things to change either but I didn't tell him. I just licked my lips and shook my head.

"Is it me you want in your life, or is it just that you're so used to have me around that it would be weird if I wasn't there anymore?"

He frowned, clearly offended by my words, and moved his face closer to me. I felt myself tear up as I tried to memorize every tiny detail of his face. He was beautiful and the sight made butterflies hit the inside of my stomach. It was impossible for anyone else to be so handsome but Niall was there, right in front of me, and everything inside me was telling me to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.

"It's you. Just you, Olivia."

The way my name sounded in his mouth was incredible and I suddenly felt dizzy.

"I would like to make sure of that. Perhaps a few weeks apart will help us see things more clearly."

"Weeks?"

I got up quickly, knowing I had to leave as quick as I could or I would change my mind. I didn't want to be away from Niall but I knew I had to. I also knew I would miss him more than humanly possible but It had to be done. I grabbed my purse again and turned around, walking back to his front door until I felt his warm hand on my arm, turning me around and pulling me close to him. This time, I didn't resist and wrapped my arms around his chest, pressing my cheek on his shirt and inhaling his scent like it was the very last time.

"Please, don't do that. I'm gonna miss you so fucking much."

I held my tears in and finally took a step back, sending him a sad smile.

"I'll call you."

I almost ran out and hopped in my car but it's only when I drove back in his driveway that I noticed he had ran out of his house too and was yelling my name. I ignored him and drove away, looking at him in my rear view mirror as he was standing motionless in the middle of the street. At that exact moment, the realization of what I had just done hit me and I started crying, letting out a few sobs despite myself.

I had no idea if I did the right thing anymore. I already missed him and being away from him was the last thing I wanted. Unfortunately, my love for him was getting stronger every day and I had to do something to stop it. They say 'out of sight out of mind', right? I just hoped they were right.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles story #harry styles writing #my fanfics #amc #gah idk man

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reeree1500 · 5 years

Text

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.”

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

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“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

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Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar, please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then.

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

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Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me.

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

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We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...”

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

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A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

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ca1e70-deactivated · 4 years

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a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years.

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid.

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best.

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever.

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment)

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair.

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going.

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

#theres probably so many more i mean #ive been on parp for at least 5-6 years now #ive been on cherubplay probably the same amount of time #and my memory is totally shot to fuck but these are just what i know ive done in the last YEAR #or thought were wild enough to remember #i put it under a read more bc frankly its really fucking long #and i dont want this to represent me entirely #these are also heavily situational based and not like. emotion or reaction based much?#some of them are #i guess i could rename this to like. things ive done on parp #but theyre technically still headcanons a lot of them can coincide with whatever #so theyre not very specific situations #anyways #this took me an hour

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cleaduvalls · 5 years

Text

i watched “spy kids 4″ exactly twice and i plan to keep it that way. here are my thoughts

i had the volume up from the last one because it was SO QUIET and now my ears hurt. not a great start

i used to think that was carmen and i was so disappointed because i wanted to see carmens kids 😔

tik tok????? oh no

i thought tick tock was matthew lillard for most of the movie

you cant do that in the SIMS

why are you shifitng gears. you dont need to shift gears

shut up wilbur have YOU given birth?????

YOU GO IN AT EVERY FIVE TO SEVEN MINUTES AND YOURE AT THREE ARE YOU S T U P I D

wait it sounds like ive given birth i havent i assure you

a pregnant belly wouldnt make that sound

yeah alright whatever shaggy youre high

isnt she from girl meets world??????

itd make a better sitcom honestly

hahah funney because shes a spy

WHY ARE YOU NOT IN THERE WITH YOUR W I F E

birth is NOT that short

i would be great at cinemasins

oh!!!! disabled character!!!!

who approved this show

oh like its HER fault

youre watching the clock speed up why are you not suspicious

roll credits

argonaut. my english teacher would like that

its 5 o clock somewhere

have you not been watching the show??????

there is a serious lack of floop

i feel like ive seen the boy before too

guess not

also i guess this one had a smell feature?????? ig thats why the baby farts so much

AND IT EXPLAINS THE DRESSING!!!! YOU CAN SMELL DRESSING!!!!!

dont say stepmother its creepy

ooh tinker toys!!!! real ones this time!!!!

girl its dyed blue youre gonna stain your carpet

oh God she wants to be FRIENDS

epic????? No

these pranks can all be used for smellovision

aromascope ig??????

BEING FRIENDS!!!! THATS SOME FANFIC LEVEL TROPEYNESS

oops

the CHEETOS

because you pulled the prank?????

power move

those are really your worst fears?????

i have almost that exact clock

youre looking for SPIES not VILLIANS

i kinda want a clock hand sword

MARISSA NO IM DYING OF SECONDHAND EMBARASSMENT

cecils so chill

it looks like the slime from floops castle..... i miss floop

felix has been replaced??? by a computer voice????

oh mood

hahah carmen said that

is that ricky gervais

oh!!!! they broke gender binary!!!!!! took the other chair!!!!!

worlds smallest camera!!!!!!

yeah hes right theres no invisibility powder

its not a SPACESHIP theyre not IN SPACE

hey can we maybe not put that in a movie thanks

yeah i hate this one

that fall was awful

C A R M E N!!!!!!!!!!!

wilbur youre so boring

spy week???? dont you mean shark week?????

buddypack!!!!

IS THAT THE PICTURE FROM WHERE THEY ENTERED FLOOPS CASTLE AND THEN JUNI SAW A THUMB THUMB

i watch these movies too much

except this one this one sucks

7 years ago????? when game over came out????? nice

THE BRAIN THING THAT MADE FOOGLIES!!!

SPY PLANE!!!

SEA GUPPY!!!!

CARMENS GAME SUIT!!!!

why does she still have that

HOW does she still have that

MACHETES ELECTROSHOCK GUMBALLS!!!!!!

DRAGON SPY!!!!

take that giggleses

JUNI!!!! only video tho ://

oof

WAIT I JUST SAW ARGONAUTS NAME TAG AND MY DOG HAD THAT SAME ONE BUT IN PINK AND WE HAD TO GET HER A NEW ONE BECAUSE IT WAS S O L O U D

your baby is your back up????? Bad Idea

did you not name your child????

why did they pause for a label????

stop making time puns i hate you

i really hope those are floops. like the cereal

stop calling her stepmother like its her name its CREEPY

stop WASTING them

just say youre marissas kids?????? they know who she is

oh God piss joke

oh God POOP joke

right its the bombs that make him cool not the fact that hes literally ricky gervais

and a fart joke????? i hate this movie

silent but LETHAL???? awfyl. i hate it

toot??? stop making fart jokes

OH THEYRE GETTING CHASED CUZ THE SAPPHIRE i need to pay attention more. i blame buzzfeed

“you weirdo you vaporized us” STOP TRYING TO GET ME TO LIKE THIS MOVIE BY PLAYING ON MY NOSTALGIA

its not working btw. i hate this movie

oh look. a butt joke.

oh yay disney acid trip

uh yeah???? hes ricky gervais

yeah except shes WHITE

i kinda wanna go to the cheese shop. wisconsin instincts ig

thats not a WORD

no the red ones the second hand do you know anything?????

how does she know how to army crawl???? shes EIGHT

there are 42 minutes left im suffering

oh no he died

is she wearing twinkle toes??????

did they.... teleport???? was that an awkward cut???? did they straight up travel through time????? im so confused

yknow as an OBVIOUS choice for the next doctor, floop should REALLY be in the movie centered around time

im gonna punch this dude

IM GONNA PUNCH THIS DUDE TOO YOU CAN STILL BE A FAMILY AND CALL YOURSELF STEPKIDS

hes the hulk

oh dear he referenced a meme

he just called the google lady annoying im gonna punch him next

n i c e

SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!

yeah theyre gonna flip youre STALKING THEM

that seems like a Bad Idea

try harder rebecca

IF YOURE GONNA TAKE THEM THERE W H A T DO YOU THINK THEYRE GONNA DO???????

dude you look like youre on crack

youre gonna divorce her because she wasnt allowed to tell you?????????

W H A T

no???? ofc not???? you have no weapons??????

DUDE CHILL SHE L I T E R A L L Y COULDNT TELL YOU

and i feel fine~

J U N I!!!!!!!!!!! FOR REALS!!!!!!!!

oh shiitake mushrooms he got kinda cute

you can???? reach into the garbage can???????

BECAUSE YOURE CHILDREN!!!!!! THEY SHUT DOWN THE SPY KIDS PROGRAM!!!!!!

i love the sound of clockwork. so soothing. that doctor who episode with the time robots???? a fave

oh no they all have died

M A C H E T E!!!!!!!!

why did juni freeze if he didnt really freeze???? thats some buzz lightyear level stuff

oh hey i just realized that junis hair is back!!

oh no now argos the hulk too

the baby looks like dora

hahah funney

HE WAS TOAST IN THE FIRST MOVIE S T O P P L A Y I N G O N N O S T A L G I A

and diaper lady???? Stop

nice censorship

can hearing aids work that well???? im no expert but i dont think they can do that?????

taking his hearing aids???? i hate this guy

R A L P H!!!!

oh!!!!!! sign language!!!!!

Even Evil Has Standards

are they trying to make me cry?? im not

you can travel through time youre just not COOL ENOUGH

oh worm????

side note i figured they were the same guy but i was so disappointed when it wasnt matthew lillard

please let this be over i need to mindlessly scroll the spy kids wiki

stop being philosophical youre wearing twinkle toes

roll credits

us???? wouldnt that be me???? or is us right??? clones are wack

yEET

oh no he died

why did he float???? did they run out of gravity?????

he moved before he touched the watch

yeah but hell see his dad again and thats the point of this whole thing????

oh no he died. for reals this time

this time???? you have 6 months

STOP👏MAKING👏TIME👏PUNS👏

i cant raise my eyebrow😔

YOU CANT DO THAT WE JUST DISCUSSED IT

thats hot

WHY DOES SHE NOT HAVE A NAME

yes bc youre a robot shut up

oh thank God its over

#spy kids #spy kids 4 #all the time in the world #sk4 #spy kids 4 spoilers #spoilers #juni cortez #carmen cortez

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jimlingss · 5 years

Note

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT]

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it!

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right? :D

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

#SPOILERRRRS #tofugguk #chanting anon #anon h.a.n.d.#kawaii-ing #chem anon #Jimlings #Anonymous

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caratau · 7 years

Text

Dad! Seungcheol.

y’all ever watched Cheaper By The Dozen?

S. Coups is basically the Dad.

raising 12 kids irl but i’d see him with a good 4 or 6

dominantly boys

speaking of babies i read on a wattpad comment a million years ago that if theres a dominant amount of sons then that means the dad’s got a big willy and if there’s more girls then its small.

just a fact but idk if its bs so don't rely on me oK I WAS 13 MY INNOCENT (LMAO BIH WHERE) WAS TAINTED AND IDK IF ITS REAL BUT YEAH BACK TO PAPA COUPS.

but yeah like mostly boys for kids and then

hear this

his youngest is a little girl

this bewildered dad man and his three boys watch this little angel in amusement ok it was unexpected asf seen as papa coups and momma coups decided to keep the gender a surprise like hOW I HAVE THE PATIENCE OF A CHIPMUNK I GOTTA KNOW WHAT MY CHILD IS

im also not one who differentiates between genders :)

and that is how papa coups rolls too

hold up before we go onto the life lets go a trip down memory lane from the first boy

momma coups is a worry wart

she's calm and shit but like??? a baby??? she trusts papa coups but like, he’s only ever been a father to 12 teenagers and young adults???

how dis gonna work out??

and so the journey begins

not really lmao coups had to buy a personalised ‘Daddy Coups’ barbecue apron to make it official.

woozi did not approve

nor did momma coups

that apron became a scarring nightmare in those kids lives as teenagers for friendly barbecues imma tell ya that now

# prayforthechoi’s

but yeah back to the pregnancy i derail hella fast

will also buy a t-shirt with ‘daddy coups’ lmao momma coUPS HAS HAD IT

she burns it in a fit of raging hormones

poor ol’ cheol doesnt let the underlying dislike of these raging hormones show

woozi is high fiving momma coups in the bg.

do they have regrets?

being connected to cheol yeah they do

jk jk they both love him

but yeAH

he’ll be a wreck at the ultrasounds

not really a wreck

he’ll be all nervous and I'm picturing it now; momma coups’ hand is clutched between his and he keeps the back of it near his lips and he’ll kiss it every few seconds and ik it’s weird but like its a type of reassurance to him aND momma coups as if to say that everything ok bc they just have a fear of losing it and I'm going really sensitive I'm sorry

cheol’s eyes water y’all I'm crying inside

he sees a blob, with help from the nurse, and he just breaks down bc he made that blob y’all.

he made it

and throughout that whole break down, he realises its all real and fuCK he’s gonna be raising a child from biRTH, not from teenage years like he did with svt.

and he's just so happy from there on

honestly theres changes of him in interviews and v lives and all and everyone just loves it

will sO be the dad to take bump pics aW MY ACHEY BREAKY HEART FUCK

will do a montage

he’ll make a pinterest just for nursery ideas bc he’s gonNA BE A DAD

WHAT TYPE OF DAD WOULD CHEOL BE IF HE DIDNT BE A PARTICIPATING FATHER FROM THE START

a participating father does diy

it surprisingly goes well

momma coups is impressed

she invites jeonghan over in hopes to watch coups suffer but the two end up stood at the door of the nursery with teas in their hands and they're just admiring the man that probably keep them sane through different points of their lives

speaking about some of svt, they consider you as their momma coups (jeonghan is shaking)

so when y’all tell the svt kids you're expecting an actual child, the room basically has an earthquake

hug here, hug there, may god help momma and papa coups bc they were being squished

and then at the baby shower, cheol insisted that his sons be invited bc they're the life of the party

and its true

they are

Seungkwan does a lot of karaoke

but on a stage

and to people

he does some trot

thats when it gets lit

seokmin and soonyoung take over whilst seungkwan pulls vernon over for a slow dance to a song they're screaming to???

meh its svt ok they jam to anything and everything

i forgot to mention that since coups wasn't really so prepared for a bABY (teenagers and young adults aren't a default approach to fathering, ya gotta raise them from birth) he and momma coups are a regular attendee of birthing classes

just so he can be prepared

the classes were more for him than momma coups

she gets bored really easily

tiredness is a symptom of a pregnancy

anyWAY

night of the birth

2:36am is the dreaded time

although seungcheol was half dead bc damn dads need sleep too, dude’s still able to grab the hospital bags, slip shoes on, get the car keys and make it out of the house in record time and into the car

when they get to the hospital, cheol is talking at 100 miles a minute to two phones (maternal and paternal parents) of how the births happening

next is the svt kids

theres a lot of screaming over the speaker but it doesnt beat your scream when you went through a sudden contraction

and that was the beginning of the long ass birth of your first son

we’re at the fourth child

a daughter

a tulip

a little princess for the family to adore

no one expected it, as i said at the beginning

momma coups that she was doomed with boys but nah, theres still hope

from the day of the birth, papa coups has his boys, ages 7, 5 and 3 stand in a line in the hospital room as if they were in the military.

momma coups is cackling in her bed as she holds princess coups.

“boys, we’re now in a default mission.” 3 year old coups struggles a bit with balance and don't even expect concentration from him. baby looks away from papa coups for a sec

“3rd son coups, look at me please-”

“3rd son coups, where are you going-”

“i demand the presence of 3rd son coups”

lmao 3rd son coups goes to sit with momma coups on the big hospital bed aw aw he pokes princess coups’ hand

“pwincess coups?” he asks momma coups with those starry eyes (coups genetics are amazing)

“princess coups, baby.” momma coups answers back and the whole family just gathers near the bed.

“she's a diamond, boys, we gotta make sure no one tries to break or steal her, thats all i ask of you”

“yes dad”

theres even a response from 3rd son coups anD MY HEART IS HURTING FUCKING SHIT IM SUCH DOMESTIC TRASH I GOTTA MAKE 12 MORE OF THESE IM GONNA DIE OF HEART ACHE

cheol will piggyback the kids all day errday YGM

piggyback to brush teeth, piggyback for breakfast agh

everything is also almost like a military operation

this is where cheaper by the dozen tropes come in ok

i wouldn't say that cheol is a competitive person but if someone makes their family (*cough* jeonghan *cough*) out to be better than everyone else then its war

theres also summer trips to a lakehouse w the rest of svt and their families and my heart is hurting more now

but yeah

this is where the ‘daddy coups’ apron comes out.

did i forget to mention that princess coups has a small crush on woozi’s kid

this is when they're like 14 ok

they're both fucking shy too

ofc cheol knows

instead of being protective, he pROVOKES IT AND OMF ‘DAD CAN YOU STOP WE GET IT’

princess coups isn't the biggest fan of her dads antics

still loves him as a dad tho

lmao his plan acc works tho like woozis kid and princess coups go on dates (both woozi and cheol chaperone lmao it ends up as a dads meeting)

OOH OOH (ooh aah I'm sorry oops)

CHEOL’S THE DAD TO STALK HIS KIDS DATES

will be the dad to make a mountain out of a mole hill over his kids dreams and damn i want cheol as a dad i feel as if very morning would be ‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS OK DONT LET ANYTHING HOLD YOU BACK’

would drive you where you needed to for these dreams

soccer games for boys, hell soccer games for the girl too she's grown in a practically all boys household

cheol doesnt degrade it tho

oh yeah all the boys are taught to be respectful towards women but the full on lessons go on at the hong’s.

coups pays joshua in the form of a future son-in-law for one of his little girls

joshua acc slaps coups i lAF

“if i see any of your boys near my princesses, choi, you're dead :))))))”

coups doesnt take it the wrong way bc its understandable?? but also not bc he trusts his kids to not make the wrong decisions

will be an emotional wreck at graduations

will also be the dad to scream their kids name at the graduation too

lmao my brother did that for my sister at hers but it failed terribly

people also had competitions at my brother’s graduation as to who could shout their graduate relatives name the loudest and ngl it was lit

but yeAH

will basically be dead at the kids weddings bC FUCK HIS KID HAVE GROWN UP WTF DID THE TIME GO

princess coups marries woozis kid btw lmao woozi regrets his whole life as cheol drunkenly cries on his shoulder at the reception

is not ready to let his kids go off into the real world but knows that he prepared them enough to be ready

or isn't he sure??

“princESS COUPS COME BACK HERE IM NOT DONE RAISING YOU”

BUT YEAH thats the end of dad! seungcheol i hope you enjoyed my first post :) expect some of these coming dad au’s to also be angsty bc I'm an emotional wreck like that :))))

byeeeee

#choi seungcheol #seungcheol #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol au #dad au #dad!seungcheol #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seungcheol scenarios

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ellerevelle · 7 years

Text

copy paste journal entry 4

one year later

October 20th, 2016

im jealous

when you seem fine to go to a party, when it comes across that you dont "need" me to go with you,

when i try to find you at a show but you had a fine time on your own regardless of my presence,

that people recognize you

that you make amazing music and are constantly having ideas and writing

and people want to be a part of it like taylor and ida and its a talking point and something to have in common with people

im jealous. that you are confident in your abilities at work, that youve found your creative outlet and feel the desire to work on it all the time, that you know people in this town and people know you. that youre comfortable in your humor and your tastes and how you dress and you know your way around town and know where things are and just...

you seem to have it together and i'm jealous, and taking out that jealousy on you because i'm not there, and im just scared. and i tell you all the time how i feel and... you dont really express as accutely when youre down or blue, you zen it out or just carry on with the casual day. and i'm not really on that level, not yet or maybe i'll never handle things the way you do.

but that doesnt mean its fair that i make you feel like youre never doing enough. i'm setting a christmas list of expectations because... im jealous of you and your "fine"ness. i want you to feel so fine, above fine, that youre able to scoop me up and teach me that all the shit im freaking myself out with isnt real.

but then, youre a human. and maybe you seem fine to me, but inside youve got all the same swirlings of doubt and fear. and now im adding to it by what looks to you as blowing things out of proportion. and from my side youre downplaying.

so what do we do. i wish you'd share more. i feel less lonely if i know youre going through stuff too. but... what if thats not your style? what if you dont like talking about the down stuff because it gives it more fuel in your mind? i feel like that sometimes too. like the more i talk about bad stuff... well, the more im thinking about it and feeling it and its then all i can think about. i understand why you zen things out with music or moto, and where the stress comes in when either of those things arent working out as planned.

i wanted to see you at that show because im worried we dont have a whole lot in common. but when we touch or laugh or smile at each other and bop, we lose pretenses and just enjoy the moment. very present. at least thats how it is for me, and thought for you, so when you were indifferent after the show i felt a bit shattered. i thought i was setting up a great chance to connect, but failed. and had already felt like a failure for not going to that party. for not progressing at barre. for not hearing anything about my resume. for just... not being a real Person in Austin the way youre a real Person.

I'm afraid I'm not interesting enough, not sharp enough with wit or jokes, I dont even have the prowess of cooking to impress you with now that youre doing it solo (which I'm so fucking proud of you btw but definitely kinda miss having that gold star) and I want to still cook together, to feel like its a date and not a chore.

I love that you asked me about my collages for your album cover, and that you vented to me the other day about work. I love to see you confident about moto parts, or at least confident about learning them. but then if ever a glimmer of money or time comes in, doubt soaks its way through, your voice changes into a drained man.

cant sleep in because today needs to be 8 hours to pay for the recording session, that barely 12 hours ago was a great thing! but now its a chore? fuck, man.

I dont want to be another chore. I want you to see me ... as a cleansing of the chore. or someone to work things through with. or even do literal chores with.

I've lost my train of thought intention ...

and i think back to when you talked to me about struggling with depression when you were younger

and you seem to have compartmentalized it so much. i talk about my shit all the time, how it strings together and lingers sometimes. echoes. old bruises.. that sort of thing.

but you allude to having attempted suicide before, which is huge... and to therapy, did you even tell me you went to a rehab thing? and yet like... it doesnt come up. which i respect, but... i duno. i want to know more. even your divorce, you never ever talk about it. about the past. you hardly talk about the past and thats ALL thats on my mind these days in my own world.

is it to cope?

we're such different people, I fear.

I am so very proud of my past, shit and all. I hate it but I wear it and all the emotions that come along very boldly and probably too obviously. at least until I can figure them out better.

i just lost the most reassuring presence in my life. even when it was bullshit grandiose lies, shed reassure me. "ill never be as pretty as so and so" "you hush youre the most beautiful girl in the world"

even though she and i lost our relationship over time, that way, i still wasnt ready to lose that soother. that teacher. that support.

ive always looked for reassuring people. teachers bosses, even the nod of someone flirting with me was (in my dilluded mind) reassurance i was doing something right.

so when youre confident. when YOU have plans. when YOU have vision, and I dont... I want to see myself in your voice. I want to hear you want me there. I dont assume it. I assume that youre fine either way. which in reality i know you are. but ... i can think im special til the cows come home, but im still alone. but if YOU think im special... If i matter to your day... if confident YOU sees something in ME. then i remember to see something in ME. its just the right momentum to get me out away from the devil on my shoulder telling me im worthless.

now that sounds codependent. fuck.

i just... why do i feel alone even when were together? because you sit there doing life any old way, with me or without. makes no difference. do i have to get used to that?

i guess just... i want a bold force. bolder than myself. i want a leader. someone whos strength reminds me of my own. reminds me to have fun with this life.

and a lot of the time i just feel like you need to be single.

not to be with other women, but just to be with yourself. to stretch your limbs and be a man of this world and do your projects and just... be. without another person around.

because i need you. and i dont really think you like it. when im complaining or saying you did this wrong or that not enough or why didnt you this that this that... its because i need you and ... yea. whatever you were thinking or not thinking, wasnt enough. or was wrong. in my book.

my anxiety makes things you think are irrational completely and utterly real to me. normal life things, every day things that every one goes through and deals with become gigantic make-or-break moments. i cant deny that a lot of that is due to the recent trauma of mom's addiction, various times i had the choice to call 911 and didnt... literal make or break things that i fucked up. and also with moving away from philly. leaving thigns that seemed blah, but now that im away i wonder if ive severed ties that i cant return to. if ill ever be relevant anywhere, enough so to matter, to make a difference or impact. choices that seem black and white but spill into giant oceans of grey and chess pieces scatter... so when you ask me how my day is, i cant really answer with the truth that i was so crippled by feeling like an idiot imposter that i gave up on trying to park my car at a fucking coffee shop and drove away crying thinking that the patrons outside were watching me fail in my big clunky car and laughing at me. and that i cried harder thinking about the fact that i dreaded going back to my apartment empty handed, having wasted time and effort and just... failed at trying to do ANYTHING with my day.

so i keep quiet and when something goes iffy between us, like the show last night, or like... us hanging out and you roll over and dont touch me or say anything when you go to sleep at all... i assume youre mad at me. or i act cold until you ask me whats wrong and express my insecurities in the shape of "YOU did this wrong, why didnt YOU do that, etc" when really i just...

wish things were different. i wish i was different, i wish you knew how to fit the bill i need.

and im afraid the more i say, the more i struggle with myself, the less you'll like me. that motorcycle thing, target fixation.

you see whats wrong with me, and then i TALK EVEN MORE about what i think is wrong with me... then you probably see that too. when i know youve got your own personal stuff happening and im sure i dont fit the bill you perfectly need either.

you want the carefree traveling girl you met.

well... i stopped traveling for you. im worried both dont exist simultaneously.

who knows.

i feel less mature than you. but i also think youre more stubborn than me. youre patient but in different ways. we're both conceded but in different ways.

i wonder, if given the chance, if we'd hate each other in a different dimension. a parallel world.

and in another, if we'd ever EVER even meet or notice each other.

you stood out to me, and still do, because of how you care for me. and accepted me from the start as a person and not a sexy girl or a commodity or a person to know to get ahead or any of the barbary popularity contest crap brainwashed me to believe.

i admire your drive and your shine and how you can fix things and learn things and are sweet and goofy and care about your mom and just...

i wish we'd met a different way.

i wish i hadnt been drinking.

i wish i'd seen you on stage first. or working somewhere. or out doing an activity.

i wish i'd had to try to impress you. i wish it was more of a chase to get to know you. to vie for your time.

i dont know why. i just... i think i like to rise to the occasion. i want to see who i can be when trying to impress you. because often, i impress myself. and am proud of myself. and THAT shows.

That showed when we met. i was proud of myself because i love traveling alone.

but now im here, and i feel aimless and im not proud of myself... and i dont quite know what to show you.

when we talked about Carrie... i was SO proud of myself for finding a cool theme point to talk about. it felt like college again. like i had found a point that impressed my professor. i felt smart. like i'd scored a three point shot.

i know that led to our sex being so good. at least in my mind.

i miss that fucking FIRE. and i know its something i have to find in myself. but im kindof afraid when i do... someone else will have helped me get there. and i worry that thats what i want. i want a teacher. i NEED to be stimulated. i NEED someone to notice when i dont show up to class. To feel a gap in the debate when i'm not there to chime in. to hear a difference in the choir without me.

so when youre fine. when you dont think twice about me not going to the party. or when youre not really phased when we dont link up at a show i specifically asked you to come to.

it really really bothers me. it makes me want to keep that power from you, the power i feel when i AM proud of myself.

i believe we give the best of our selves to people we feel deserve it. and i hate that this has become a tit for tat of deserving. when youre weird or lame or quiet, i dont want to have sex with you. but i know sex for you triggers a sense of connection and you treat me better and are happier to see me and be affection with me after we have sex, because that assures you i desire you and thats validating and boosts you, so youre happier and then youre nice. and then i feed off that and im nice and we're fine.

but when you suck, i dont want to sleep with you.

and often, if i dont sleep with you, you think i suck.

chicken or the egg.

we've talked about this but i think we're still chasing our tails.

i think we both have depression, i think i talk about it too much and i think you talk about it too little.

i think we both need a hobby that requires physical activity, and/or one that involves doing it together.

i thought cooking could be that, but... i duno. it'll ebb and flow.

group scenarios.

i want to matter to you.

i dont do a whole lot without you. and sometimes i fear that if i do, youre gonna feel left out. oooor that itll come back and bite me, like if i prioritize hanging out with staci or nelson or michelle and dont hang out with you or invite you, itll be crappy later on.

which is unrealistic to think about if we're gonna make this last. of COURSE were gonna have other friends.

ah, my brain just twisted down the other long term thing.

it really bothers me that you dont have the father gene.

its a huge warm fuzzy puppy when a man is good with kids. expresses posi vibes about children, even about being a teacher or a coach or paling around. its a vibe, either there or its not. and with you, i think youve clearly stated kids arent in the cards for you. and that appears to me like a literal wall of sharp, shiny obsidian black. dark like your eyes when youre angry or disappointed in me. i do not like that darkness. same way theres a dreaded tone you get in your voice sometimes. that tone, and the black eyes, i fear them because i lose you. you drift away, cut away, either back to someone i didnt know before we met, someone you were before, past life that is still there like an id, or someone thats there all along and just doesnt come out into the light often, but is there under that curly dark hair. im not sure which i fear more.

even now, so many pieces are swimming around. longing, disappointment, wishing youd be more, wishing i needed less, wishing i could see you purely without "need", worrying im not enough for you, worrying im not seeing your depression, wishing youd talk to me more, wondering if youre mad, wondering if youre sad, if youre stewing, if you want to leave me. that im too stubborn, that ive hurt you before and am now still on you about all this shit.

i havent been a good girlfriend. ive emotionally cheated and had shitty untrustworthy conversations and here i am still complaining that youre not doing it right.

which is freaky. because youre clearly an awesome motherfucker and have put up with a lot when, if the tides were turned, i probably wouldve left.

but why have i done these things. why did i cry out for attention in those ways, and STILL if i dont get the attention i need from you, i cry out to you. get on your shit about it. im not satisfied. i think my actions have made that clear.

but what do i do.

every time i hear something outside i wonder if youre here.

but why would you come here, why would you come to me if youre mad.

i wonder if youre at your place feeling in the right and thinking im in the wrong. thinking of reasons to leave me.

i know i need to be more humble and learn, and mature. but what if these instincts and urges to complain are telling us we're not right for each other.

itd suck. but what if? or what if its just that we're young and its supposed to be hard and we've gotta stick it out?

how the fuck are we supposed to know the answers to these things? im not interested in looking for another you :( no ones known me like you.

sometimes you make me feel like im not smart enough or deep enough for you. like youve accepted me but i havent accepted you.

i have a lot to learn. this needs to be picked back up upon another time.

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