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#thats been a struggle for me for a while
beescake · 3 months
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Sorry for the spam (^o^;) I just really like your blog
no need to apologize ayy!
in this corner we welcome all forms of enjoyment, regardless of whether you're a
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happy to have yall here w me,
headin into homestuck 2024 :^)
#was debating if sollux truly was lurker type but then i rmbr'd him quietly reading all of karkat's memos for a good laugh HAHAHAHAAH#ask#aleemie#homestuck#karkat vantas#sollux captor#solkat#2024#vioart#but o. regarding the etiquette learned frm other socmed#spamming here is safe+good! it does not harm the op by shadowbanning like instagram#and its not 💀 like twitter where ur likes/following are permanently set to public#ur tumblr experience is within ur control it can be as free/empty/curated as u want!!#((tho ofc i do encourage rbing for ppl who've been hoping to start that habit!!#s'cool to slowly work ur way up from the extra special posts that hv lingered longest in ur heart and quietly build ur cache trove :-)#for example back when i was struggling to rt on a new twt acc i just started setting nonsense criteria for myself LOL#like “breaking this void is scary holy fuck ok i shall start by rting posts w brownish/reddish clrs bcs its inspo vibes for my art”#and gradually after a while of deliberate sharing i gained more confidence to share a larger variety of posts that make me feel things!!!!#no more training wheels i may be scared but i love loving more!!!!#same goes for engaging w fics too it takes energy to think of how to comment and thats ok‚ do ur best to explore what works for u!!!!#take screenshots of ur fave paragraphs & start annotating in gallery/notes app if that helps!!!!#also tumblr's customizable queue means u can stack posts and bolt hgehehe. my preferred form of existing on the net))
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daily-hanamura · 6 months
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#p4#persona 4#p4g#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#anyone that says yosuke is nothing but mean and awful to Kanji should meet me in the parking lot#we're not going to throw hands im just going to show you my 100 slide powerpoint presentation on their complex dynamic#for me one of the most appealing things about yosuke is how human and realistic he's been written#he is simultaneously capable of immense empathy and care towards his friends while at the same time struggle with his own identity#combined with a difficultly in self expression that results in him making tactless and hurtful remarks at times#thats not to say it makes those remarks ok - far from it!#but i think reducing yosuke to just those remarks makes him a rather empty caricature#which is such a shame especially considering that his entire personal narrative arc has been about confronting himself so he can be better#but anyway yes he cares about his friends he cares about their well being so much#he didnt have any obligation or a responsibility to look out for his juniors but he did so anyway without anyone asking#and it's so!!! because kanji does not look like he needs babying at all. hes taller than both yosuke and yu and he looks way older too#kanji has taken care of biker gangs by himself and is known to be intimidating#not that any of that fazes yosuke? kanji is his friend now hes one of them and therefore yosuke immediately wants to look out for him#god hanamura yosuke you so!!!#AAAAAAAAH#he's good with his queue
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moeblob · 5 months
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You know, I'm sorry for another story time but my life has been very stressed lately and today I got a huge boost. SO.
As some of you may know, I moved states at the end of July and have been here since August 1st basically. Social anxiety is a struggle but I'm making it. And there's this easy to reach by walking convenience store and almost every time I walk there I walk past a gem store. And I think to myself almost every single time "I love the store has a bouncer". I didn't say anything to him at first! But one day I got brave and proceeded to make an absolute FOOL of myself as I am on my way back from buying some sodas and ask him "are you like the store bouncer?"
The man looks at me and smiles and gives a little chuckle and says pretty much yeah? And then I say more awkward things and then promptly leave feeling very embarrassed. I purposefully AVOID that lil corner for a couple days and then finally feel brave enough to walk by cause it's ... like. Literally right by my destination. Man isn't even outside that day and I think phew! I can't be creepy if I can't talk to him!
BUT THEN I SEE THAT HE IS DIRECTLY INSIDE CHATTING TO A WORKER. And he sees me. And smiles and stops whatever conversation he's having and exits the store to say hi. (I am definitely beaming, like a normal person, because I apparently am NOT creepy enough to this man more than a foot taller than me who could easily kick my ass if he wanted) So we just chat. For maybe ten minutes? It's very nice! We have a Very Normal Conversation! I feel better about the first interaction because I had a second interaction.
So now............ today. I am once again wandering around and on my way to lunch when I pass the gem store and I'm like "hello again!" to the gem store bouncer. We begin to chat again and he mentions a pendant they recently appraised that he likes and I, thinking this entire time that the store was ONLY appointment only and I would never be allowed inside, am casually mentioning "yeah, I was born in June and we have three birthstones and like.... none of them are dark enough for me. I mean there's pearl which I'm not a fan of and then moonstone and another." And so he's saying they have a sheet inside to show birthstones so we walk in together to find out the mysterious third stone.
And the sheet only shows pearls. And I'm like "this is a crime against June babies" and then I somehow start talking to one of the female workers and I'm saying "yeah I just kinda like walking by here and seeing the bouncer" and she looks at him and is like "oh I like that." and I admit I have no other idea what to refer to him as (I don't know his name at this point anyway) and she's like "most often security guard."
Ah. Yes. Like a normal person would think. Security. Yes. Not "gem store bouncer". She then leaves to grab a coffee from across the street and I leave with the bouncer and somehow we get into talking about wearing mostly black and how he's pretty goth and then I mentioned a sweatshirt my aunt sent me once saying "I'm only wearing black until they come out with something darker" and he grins and says it's a life motto. Then the woman returns with her coffee and he tells me to tell her what I said, so I repeat it and she looks me dead in the eye and says "that was made for me. Also I love that you called him a bouncer it's hilarious".
I now observe that he (all black suit black shirt black tie) and her (black sweater with black/white striped pants n black shoes) are indeed somehow the gem store goth club. And then she heads back in and he says he's sorry they don't have any cookies to offer me, they normally have cookies in the back for employees, and I'm like "ah no it's fine thank you".
And then I left feeling like I was somehow allowed to join the Cool Goth Club at the gem store.
Anyway, sup, my new favorite person is the goth bouncer at the gem store and he makes me smile so much when I see him.
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defiledtomb · 2 months
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metaphorically standing on a cliff in the highlands screaming into the sea like ronja rövardotter
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scottishoctopus · 6 months
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So...after yet another hiatus with no warning...I have returned!
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silenthillbunni · 15 days
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tianhai03 · 2 years
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another C’s coloring post! my sparda twins body type headcanons but now in Color
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mobiues · 5 months
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i have so many things to say about the confrontational pie scene but to surmise: while i may somewhat understand s1lvie's frustration over mobius' overall seemingly flippant attitude, i do not actually think mobius deserves to be framed as though he did not care abt the state of things simply because he chose not to seek how his life was like on the timeline. mobius' interest to not see how his life was like is well within his right, something he gave viable reason not to pursue, and, most importantly, will not have swayed him either way to fight for the life he has now and/or what the tva could stand for when the multiverse war is on its way. s1lvie's undermining his efforts was not okay when mobius opened season two with him wanting to safely monitor and defend new branches against strong, unsure voices like dox
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piplupod · 1 month
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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"
me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"
mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"
me: "...my thing?"
mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"
me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"
mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"
me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"
AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!
#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good#not the worst definitely not the worst#just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu#my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything#and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me#''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind#like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over#i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family#this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible#i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out#i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose#i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts#i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them#sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay#im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon#just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid#it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that#suicide tw#abuse tw#ed tw
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bl00dw1tch · 6 months
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the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
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#horse.txt#vent //#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about😭#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny 😝#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.#😎😎😎💪💪💪#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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theunconcernedembalmer · 10 months
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Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?
(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)
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Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.
#identity v#aesop carl#identity v embalmer#identity v ask blog#identity v the embalmer#gatto event#hi anon thanks for the concern XD#im doing alright i just have this insane depressive block that has been impeding y creative processes#so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it#one option is to wait it out but im miserable doing nothing. so i will force it out and feel slightly better that at least i did something#i probably should have spaced oout my posts i clear the inbox really really quickly#ill try to get some stuff out while i can. since im free for the month before work resumes n i disappear again#seriously though its frustrating sitting down staring at a blank canvas for 10 mins with 0 ideas and low energy#and then resigning myself to going back to lying down and mindlessly scrolling twitter or whatever#every single time i try to do something i end up back on my bed. for days on end. it makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs#at least with asks i have something to work towards and thats so much better even if i do end up back on the bed afterwards#this sounds like a very pathetic show of begging for asks. which i guess it is???#its just that. i used to have so many ideas. i used to draw so many comics. i want to cry every time i compare that with myself now#has work killed off so much of my creativity? probably. but i just really want it back. so im trying my best#i didnt mean to get this emotional in the tags but this is really something ive been struggling with a lot right now#so if u have the time to spare. just drop something dumb in my inbox. it helps a great deal. much greater than i can express#but anyway if ur reading this im still very grateful for the support u have shown to the blog in one way or another.#so thank you very much n i hope the day will treat you kindly#less than three
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genekies · 3 months
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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deepfriedseagullfeet · 3 months
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SIGHS i think i should take a tolerance break from weed cause im nervous about my tolerance and i want to be responsible and careful and all that. but according to the internet the best amount of time to take is a MONTH
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starswallowingsea · 11 months
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assassin himeru au
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sneefsnorf · 4 months
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crazy how next year i am legally an adult and every single decision about my life, my finances, everything, is made by me. but i still have teachers that treat me like im 10 years old because they read im autistic
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hellfireeddiemunson · 7 months
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yknow i really like my electric tooth brush and it really does make my mouth feel more clean than a normal toothbrush but as someone who can’t keep their toothbrush in the bathroom to be plugged in it sure is annoying to remember to plug it in in my room
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