#that's the face of a Jedi who has been dealing with galactic bullshit his entire life

[vihola]

Many thanks to @palepinkycat for drawing this chibi Relu, he’s so damn adorable that I had to make a separate post for him 💙

#swtor #jedi consular #chiss #swtor art #star wars the old republic #can't get over how cute he is with his super serious face #that's the face of a Jedi who has been dealing with galactic bullshit his entire life #swtor oc #relu #palepinkycat

[throwingideasatthewall]

Star Wars   Episode 4;

    Destroy malevolence

Didn’t we just do that?

I’m assuming this is going to be focusing on the     aftermath of the        destruction       of  the        malevolence

And the preceding unraveling of       general grievous’s      net work

 [And several        acquaintances         probably          trying           to    break    him  out,]

Anyway...

On with          It!

       Quote;

  “A Plan is only as good         as those          who see it out,”

   Odd                 I’ve      Stopped      giving much stock        into the    quotes

 Consider ing     the last one     had a relatively good      one

 And     Is on the    lower     end    of     my     expectations

 My criticism       of this       Is a       Short    Plans can be good         But   People flawed

  The   narrator   sounds     a    bit    more   enthusiastic

 Weirdly      drawn     out      pause

But      it   does     get     the      point   across

 Allows   enough     time

“ Grievous          in       retreat,”              Honestly           Is        this       where       we’re      going        to       start

    Like       no      disrespect-         (I have the       patience)    But are we honestly going to spend the whole entire time watching Obi-Wan fuck up catching Grievous?

 That would work       with the theme         of       Jedi Masters

They make it seem a lot less   stupid

[Recap

 Also        I really like the movement on the     ship

Much     more     real istic 

       Continuing to          Hold on it       not so much

  This is like         someone     continuously          kicking        someone         when they’re         already         down

Or like a fire

 After a while      it just gets sort of    boring

 Or worrying

 And you realize they could  just     take them   into custody

 Or that the fire is starting to     envelope   nearby    forest     With       everyone      having         a bucket of     water

Obi wan, why

 Do     you   torment    so?

He can’t even   die

If so;      He’d     be dead

 I love how       Plo Koon       and       him       are          just    watching      the      shit     show      like            “Bitch”

   You know they could both take         him

  But are just that dedicated to being   sandry old man

“Commander, how much damage to the      enemy ship?”

 Have they suffered    enough?

  Also, geez dude’s been demoted it to       commander

    I mean I know he’s just       Comms Guy              But geez.         (He probably       deserved it)

Oh no,        Random     dude          On          The       ground

    Why?

 “ She’s lost primary       shields and stabilizers,”

   So shooting at it is doing      minimal damage

             “ It can take all the fire               our cannons                  can manage,”

           Okay,                    time to get you two                down there

           “ we must     summon            reinforcements,”

     Plo is slowly becoming that we          “need reinforcements”            guy

      Like          he can’t do anything           by himself

       (Except           for last           episode)

     “ That’s why          I’m here        Master Plo,”

  That’s not the right       tone

   And.....          I was kind of hoping we’d get a        Master Plo and        Obi-Wan episode

   This time       around

   Never mind the fact that         Anakin can’t take on grievous

   “ what are you able to contact              Master               (Liam Niara)                   (That’s how voice text spells it)                (I have no idea)

        “ Yes, master,”

       That’s better

    “She’s busy with a bunch of separatist         reinforcement’s nearby,”

   Bit too much     eye movement       but otherwise      good

  “ she won’t       be able to give us support till she’s turn        ing them away,”

Meanwhile         you’ve already pretty much      kill ed         him

    Guess            just         play        poker?

   Then        we’ll  have to do with what we have

   Oh now with the teenager around you’re so brave

  How’s        that going to help?

Burning

On fire

Really, no   mercy

Poor     droid     jerking   around

Ex     ploding

Perfect balance of kar       mic   pay       back

“We’ve      lost      our    primary       weapon,”

  Shit     just     continues    to                get       worse      and      worse

General     grievous      is        just              there        with his hands       in his head

Not        looking       too    great

“ The hyper drive is dis   -abled,”

It’s been disabled since last episode but good     repeating

Good      to         re-iterate

“Argh,”

“ General       general,”

   The     forward   engines        are     shutting     down

“ im   poss     ible,”

Dude,     look         around

That’s   pretty        -         heavy         denial

You     should     just     sur       -render

More Sho              -oting

 This        is       going         to         be        a         sl   -ow       ep      i      sode

Ahsoka       Managing       systems

   A not    bad role       for her

 Certain-

“ Admiral            Status-        Re        port,”

    Shit’s         fucked        once        again

    They’re           hyperdrive         must        be       damaged

    What          you         didn’t         figure          out           the           first          time          will        Obi          won         must’ve         checked

   Compulsively             For the         170th time           in the last           hour

     “This            our          chance”

It wasn’t a few seconds ago?

     “all         ships        target       the      bridge     maximum         fire        power,”

   Dude,        what       do       you      think      that’ll        do

 Grievous         is      made          out        of      pure        titanium

   It’s       like..          a      slightly         long       fall           for      him..

 Generals..     really     don’t    wanna     deal     with   Grievous’s      shit     today

Episode is     22:40      Long       Left

 All     they’re     doing       is     shooting    at     him

Grievous     Called      Dooku

“Dad      I       crashed       the     car,”

Sustained     advanced   damage

 “ I know,”

Just     dead   panned

“ I have     arranged         a       trap,”

Oohh!     Interesting

  But     Also        completely        bullshit

   Guess       this            is           his       punishment

  Being       used        as        bait

  “To     give     you      an     advantage    over       the   Jedi,”

 “ I   assure   you,”

 Please       no

You’re not compound     your failure     this day,”

 Ah, there’s       the chewing out     I was looking for

 Perfect

Continue

 “ war       ship        to       fall,”

 Oh so it wasn’t going to be a - get them sent to prison- thing

 So     how are you planning to       unfuck                 the situation

Cause      this looks pretty bad

  They will never catch me or this ship

             Bless him               he’s trying

              The expression just says                 ‘I have no idea               how’

           Like              He            knows           what’s          expected            of          him          but         has         no          idea

    How?!

   Heading       towards          you         is          a        very      important      galactic        senat        or,”

   In the middle of a       war zone

Seriously       not        a     good       time      for         a   photo     op

 “ With      her         as        a      hostage,”

  “call       off       the      attack,”

  Ok no one is calling off an      attack this important      for        a   senator

  Nor     should      be    letting      her        get    captured         ....

 *Bowing    down*

*Assumed authority*

 Blue

 It   looks   remarkably    better     this     episode             👍     Also        of        course        it’s      Padme        Amidala     Couldn’t        be        any      of      the    4000     other    senators       we     know     nothing      about              

   Really           getting       into         the      love     triangle      stuff      right        away,           aren’t         we?

  Like       why   couldn’t      we     slow     burn        it

 (I   know    she    was       in    the   movie)     But

  I     wouldn’t         mind    “Are   you       sure   the     infor   mation      from     the     chan cellor     Palpatine       is   reliable?”

Fore     shadowing!

Good    job     authors       you       get      a   cookie

“ it was secretly given to him         by the leader of the     Bank-he Clan,        himself!”

 Okay        Amidala’s          tone      kinda      works

 Could      use       a       little       more   monotone     but      it   works

   I gave Anakin like      three   tries       so       I’m     not   gonna       be    too     harsh

There        is       still       time      for      the     minimal     improve      ment        it      needs

“ if they       leave     the   separatist     alliance     it     will    go     along      way       to   shortening   this   war,”

Er-     Okay      it   makes   sense   for     her   character

 She’s sup   posed      to be   around      the same       age      as   Anakin

“Beep,       Beep,”

 “ We’re     approaching       the     system       now,”

  “Oh     shit,”

Crud

 “ my   goodness,”

  Best      Droid

 “This        isn’t        right,”

   Then        Move!

   That’s          a       droid     warship

    “We’re          in         the       middle          of          a       battle!”

   Hey,        that’s          a        smart      character

   Hyper drive out of there

  “ we’re scanning         a small ship off         our bow,”

     Get out of        there   “ Good,”

 Yeah, how are you going to get     her?

 Seeing as how  like a million warships are belting     your bow?

  I know those must be like       raindrops to him

But     come on

Don’t      go    into    the    burn     -ing      wreckage

   And       towards      enemy        fire

 Then   again     she     was     probably    heading     towards      the     Jedi        ship

   So     (as       a   civilian)       that       makes          sense

   “Master          I’m        picking           up            a         signal          near           the         enemy        vessel,”

   Tone

    Enemy     reinforcements

   That’s-            A         Good          Call

Respectively

 “ it looks like-”

 “A Naboo ship”

  “Gunners        stand         day,”

     Hey      everyone’s     competent         today!

      (Not          that         there’s           anything         wrong          with          enablers           being           stupid)

       This          just           requires          more          brain       power

   “ what          in      Blazers        are       they      doing      out     here?”

   A valid     response

  But      weren’t       they         the       ones        that        pledged        transport        ships?

  Like      oh      yeah      stupid going out into a war zone

   But     not      completely      out of the question

 “ Ahsoka      contact         that ship,”

  Bit      too      much      energy

    But       still         resp        ect           able

     Literally          coming        from        fiery        hell

     Identify        yourself

  “Padme       what        are       you       doing      out     here,”

  Cringe

   That line sounds like boomer.        What boomers think high school      jocks sound like

   And we’re like  no

  “ I       was       sent      on         a    special    mission,”

  Good      job     Writers

  The        ‘Bang he         Klan        Wanted        to negotiate        a treaty

   Good      reason

   “Get       out        of      there,”

  Too        Force        ful

   Better        Idea;        Have     Obi-Wan         try         to         calmly      explain         the         situation            to           her

      Possibly       distracting          her for        general       grievous           to       kidnap

   “ Activate              the         tractor         beam,”

     Damn        we’re       going        back         to  old old sci        Fi- with tractor beams and       shit

     I was expecting like a hook and chain,     a harpoon

   Was not expecting   that

     That        made        me         laugh

   WTF

   Tell      them        some     nonsense        is        going         on!

   “i’m     afraid       it’s        much     worse      than      that,”    Gunners          Do        Something?!

   it’s a beam; it can be broken

  “ Padme what’s happening?”

  A go- decent response

   “ i’m         being         pulled         inside        the      droid      cruiser        by        a      tractor      beam,”

   Good     Commun        ication

  Whelp,        Done

   So       at      22: 40           Rest       of        the     episode         is   hostage     situ      ation?

Inter      es    ting

 Much      Better      Than         Just      Shooting        at        it       for        an      hour

    “I will not be made a separatist bargaining      chip,”

    Initiative

    Though           Less          Emo        -tion

    Should           be       recited        like       something       she       had        to      read        off        a   paper

Guessing I’m not Padme I’m Padme’s    handmaiden  thing only works     once

Continue       your    attack

 You     must   continue-

I hope     she get some   actual action

Nothing too intense       because she’s still a kid

But like a surprise attack on     General grievous

Destroy     this   monstrous   ship

That’s kind     of      like-

How-

I saw the next frame

Wtf-

WTF

  HIS FACE JUST-

CON-torts

    You are not Romeo and Juliet   movie

    You are two kids reinacting Romeo and Juliet              clumsy

   Get it right

  “Admiral,     order      our   ships     to   stop     firing,”

 No   one’s   gonna    stop     this

 No   one‘s   gonna   comment...

Okay....

Obi-Wan      And        Plo   Koon          are        just     gone

  Left      when      Anakin      started       acting    unchild like

   Never     mind      still       there

 Nothing   suspicious      *Rubs    beard*

 Whelp

   It     does      not     look       safe       out     there      my     lady

  Screw      with      the     tractor      beam      and       leave

  No      one    can     stop   you

Droid     Related

 “I      see     now   this   whole   thing   was     a   trap,”

The     Bang’he       Clan     Works      With           The-

    I       can’t     even     make     that         joke   because       the   bang’he      clan      are   working      with       the     separatists

  Good    writers       you       out     joked      me

“ we   walked    right    into     it,”

 Pressing     buttons       isn’t   going       to   help   lady

Sir  the     republic   cruisers     have     halted    their   attack

Bit   too   much   emotion      for     a     droid     but    it   works

“Jedi     are     so   predictable,”

  Hit       him       with          a      gun

   Get        the      repair       team      up     here

  “ i’m     going     down      to       the   main   hanger,”

The arm motion was a little weird...     for ‘I’m going down to the main     hanger’

 Street    Railways?

Are we   getting *tour    the inside of the    ship??

Nice

This     ship   must     be   returned      to   Count     Dooku     intact

Nice   little   interaction

Rail      ways

There’s     no   room     for   failure

Hard       Moral

One      on   fast   speed    ing   train

Moves       over       to   another   pad

   Don’t     think     that’s   gonna   help

“Come        on     I’ve   over       loaded     the   power     system,”

 THAT’S        actually      really      clever

   Good          job     whoever        gave         that        order

    General      grievous        goes          boom

    Fighter        door       opens

    Find            a       Fighter

    And        fly        out

   * Anakin        walks          away*

       You know this would be a good idea if Obi-Wan had ordered him to do so when feeling the emotion of ‘love’, miscommunicating the concept of love, and didn’t realize that’s what he was doing -  what clues him      in

“ where do you think you’re going,”

 “ someone’s got to save     her,”

    Still too much emotion

   “I thought you might say     that,”

     Did you give him that, did you give him an        order relevant to that?

     There he goes   again

     Yeah           Someone        should         really        check         up        on       that

     Or       get    Obi-Wan         to        lay off           the       suicidal      orders

  “Craving     adventures        and     excitement,”

     No,      orders

   “ You        get         used           to         it”

Could      be     just       a     response

  But     too     much    reaction        And      Person         ality

   Oh,          Shit’s        On          Fire

   “Come on 3PO hurry,”

     Flaming wreck lady

    “not sure this is such a good       idea,”

   Neither     is       being       held      captive

   You’re made of like solid gold

 Timing

  [also the announce in the background        like a train station - just cracks me up]

  Time to get blown up

   “ Mind the gap”

   “Mind the gap”

      Haha

     You        two       come       with       me

 Command

That droid’s-

 No, wait-         It’s Amidala

   And C3PO

  He’s trying to      help

   Looks       Inside

  Beeping

   Timer

   Look     like        the   engine-         Are           Set           To -

    Timing

   “Destroy          themselves,”

     He        really        needed        them         to        say           that

   Get      out       of      my     way

 “Ow,”          You        don’t      want          to       die

   That’s         just           rude

    So         is     death

   You    should       get       out        of        there

    He’s        going               to       come         back        around

   Geez

   Fire squad         is a train         wreck

    They’re          Trying

      Crud      if this gets back to      Skywalker          and        he      thinks       she’s      dead

  After        That     Speech

  Who knows what toxic morals of love         Obi-Wan taught him         could activate

  This could       become     a train      wreck

 Ahhh!

 It got      worse

Seriously       who made the droids that have to        with      stand       high    water pressure          Light weights

   Oof

  Even high water pressure        cannot kill him

  Even running away      cannot save him

 Wonder     what that attack       would’ve done

 Sound the alarm

 “We have stowaways,”

   Or...

   She was never on that   ship

   Seriously      no one besides the republic      saw her 

I’d go with “she isn’t on board,”

   Run

Back     to the        republic ships

   Who are doing       nothing         while grievous rebuilds

    Like,         The medical station is   right there

    You might want to get back       on moving     them

Just Saying

  “ i’ve trusted you already formulated a brilliant   plan to     rescue     the      Senator,”

 “ as a matter of fact     I have,”

 Umm,

Weird        How to     Code     that

“ what do you have a Plan B               Every     good plan has a back up,”

  Stop        forcing his    dependence on you

 “ I don’t   have a back up   yet,”

  Too     much    emotion

 Really

 Questioning

Not really   helping his   self-esteem

Really “ we’ll sneak behind them and dock at the emergency air     lock,”

   So I’m guessing this is going to set up     Padme     going       there

“ That’s       your        plan?”         Discouraging

“Fly     land,”

That’s literally what all maneuvers     rely on

Also     it       sounds       like   something     out      of       a     fairy     book

  Which        might        explain      Anakin      toxic      behavior

  “ Walk        in         the        door,”

 “Basically,”

    Too      much       emotion

  “Oh     Brilliant,”

  Dick

 Firey       Wreck

 “ Might I suggest we keep     moving?”

   Bit       Loud         There            It

   “ I think        I hear      battle droids   approaching,”

  Talking         is      not     helping

 “But      we also need to contact         the fleet,”

     Getting out is the prerogative

      They don’t know where you are

       And you can’t stay in a constant       location

       If I can just keep this        com panel working

     Ahhh!

Well     just      disappeared

 “The Damage to the hyper drive       was not as bad as        we first        thought,”

   How?!

  It’s been     damaged     for about    two episodes

 Also, Good for    Her

“ We’ll be able to get underway again shortly,”

  With this   mess of a ship

   Hyperdrive would send half of it flying

   It’s barely holding together by a      string

   You’re     screwed

 I must inform count     Dooku

 Seems     oddly    suspic.

Continue the search

 Find the     stowaway 

  How does    that change anything      in Amidala’s eyes

 Getting     to know the boss     isn’t worth it

Just be more careful

  Roger, roger

  Commander

 Intimidating

  *Spark*

  Oh        She       Was          In          A        Cabinet

   Thought         she       made           it        in

  C3PO        Looks      creepy       in      one     frame

   Shit’s        Constantly          on         fire

    “If they spot us        we’ll be pulverized,”

     With what guns??

     You’ve been doing all the hitting           this entire time

     They’ve been sitting         Geese

     “They’re            too           busy repairing the ship,”

       Thank you

       [also Obi-Wan              complainers rules]

       “ They             don’t                   have              time                to             notice              us,”

         Cocky

        Subtlety               has            never            been             one              of             your            strong             points             Anakin

Neither        Yours            Person           who           orders            him!

“ Everything       I     know       I      learned     from        you     master,”

  Point       Yes      Attitude?     No

   Oh       if      only      that      was      true

  Should            Be

   Might         be          a              side           jab              at           how           he          took          orders           from            the        Chancellor

     There          we          go

     Only      Obi-Wan        was          worried

  “Didn’t         You         Hear       It,”

    Your        circuits          are       loose

    Or       maybe       you’ve       lost       your   hearing

From        the   impact

 “ No      one’s        crazy      enough           to        do         that,”

    Cut

  “Anakin”

   Perfect

 “You’re        Crazy,”

   You   groomed      him      this      way

“ spinning           is          not       flying”

    “But          it’s          a      good      trick,”

   Too     much   emotion

   Do      not     want       to       be        spotted

   Good       job

   You’re      standing        more        in              the       doorway         than         he          is

    “I knew it it’s them,”

     That droid       is just having a day

      Aww              But his        friend came down           to check           with him

    That’s adorable

    Oh no

   They’re backing off       peacefully

 ASSHOLES!

Obi-wan     specifically

   You stay here           R2

  Again     why did you bring him

  Another        bold strategy by -

     Say Skywalker

     ‘Skywalker’

      Ordered

     “I presume,”

    No, Obi-Wan’s 

 When it’s not Palpatine’s

    “That’s my master”

           Children               don’t                show          preference                  for            handlers

      “ once they rescue the Senator we will need to reinforcement to finish off the enemy

    Sounds nonsense           but OK

          Dude             really              Likes         enforcement’s                 “ i’m on my way,”

       “Master Plo”

  “ We’re receiving a transmission,”

    Padme

Weird distance to start a conversation at

Running for some reason

 “ Master          we found the     senator,”

   Good

“ We’re patching       Her through,”

 Helpful...?

  What       is       it       with    Skywalker      and   becoming         a     Barking        over-   animated     Puppet      Every      time     senator       Amidala      gets     involved            ?

“Anakin       where       are       you,”

   Better;        where        are      your    coordinates

    “ On       lower      levels,”

   Better       but      where

   “I don’t          know,”

    Give a better location

     For how long

     Problem with this whole plan

      Give Landmarks

      Get to the     rendezvous point

     “Obi won and I are on board too,”

     Better; get to the ship on level ____ on your ___ side                 Optional; Closest landmark ____

             We’ll meet you   there

           What what are you doing?

           Not the best point to      argue

       Ahsoka, how can we get to the senator

     Better how can we both get to the escape pad?

    In case   we both get separated

    Taking longer to coordinate       that complicated-

    How long till they get separated?

    Center of the ship

Half way between the two of you

 Neither      Ahsoka gave neither

   Bad instructions

“ we’re on our way

    To a very unspecified point on not   specified level at a not specified   time

Let     the hijinks   commence

 “ Did                    you hear that                                    Padme?”

You’re on the same com

 “ i’ll be there,”

   Some-how

The question    to my answer was       22:40

  When do the Hijinks begin?

   Let’s             See

Marching      Intimidated 

  “we just detected        An unauthorized communication          Coming from within the        ship,”

    Shouldn’t he be making a phone      call?

  “ what did it           say?”

  Interesting

Well      we don’t know

 That’s how encoding works

 We didn’t catch it in   time

 Off

 Droid     winces

Monitor     all internal     communications

Like they’ll do it again

I want   that senator    on this bridge

Good   luck with that

You haven’t   even   saw her

Rail-ways

Nice

Busy

Should be a cakewalk

Is Not a cakewalk

All the way up there

“I do not see her,”

 Yeah, that’s the problem-

 She’s here master

I sent it

Or you got the wrong port

(So you heard her voice     so she’s clearly somewhere on this ship)

 He’s probably late again

But we do have company of another sort

Oh        She has a gun

  And somehow none of that hits     her

   And of course that gets the attention

    I’m honestly glad they didn’t go with miscommunication          Causes        fake stand up         scenario

      Even if this is         faux       Romeo and Juliet

     Good job

    Lots of       jumping

    Look     Jedi

    Good job         nice guy

    No wait         That one       guy had     common sense

   “I knew that was a bad idea,”

    Mercy

    That you didn’t show on the other      guys

    Who       were far more hesitant

     And you took out that    one guy

    Who didn’t do   anything

     Just wasn’t as  vocal

     Dicks

    Jump The peashooter      isn’t doing the job?

   Jump

 He tried

  Power      Thrust

  Ana       kin

“ There.      they          are!”

    Bull         shit

  No way     

he saw those guys

 On all those     Packages

 Also       ‘the i knew     It was      a bad     Idea     Guy       Got     New     Friends

“Fire!”

Fuck

The   bridge     is     out

“Jump     to me,”

 Try       it   with     a     little    bit     more         disinterest

“ I’ll use the force”

Even she realizes it’s not that     intense

  “ You have to trust me,”

    Good Luck

  OMG

 It looks like     she just      falls

Also Obi-wan’s in the back   like     it’s none of my business

Like dude came on a rescue mission      And     has become completely useless     never helped   once     Complained  the whole way   there

Manages

“Got you,”

“ NICE    CATCH,”     Obi  -Wan from the sidelines

    10/10        Hilarious

“ I’ll fetch the droid,”

   What??

       No

This          isn’t                   cute

     Disgusting

“Oh the things you do to get me alone,”

   KIDS don’t-

    Ack-

Please      no     more     smoopy-

nope

I’m     putting   it in     the    “bad”    corner      Till       it   stops   trying     to     ship   children

  Bad    Movie

 That’s          Not     Cute

Obi-wan             Sucks

   Can’t      even      levitate        A       Droid

  “Stop         me       please”

    Poor        Droid

    Blast          You’re            Weak

     “ That’s           not           good”

         Yeah             you’re               weak

          “Anakin               I got            separated                from                your                  droid,”                  Thank                   God

                 I’ll                   take                  care                    of                      it

             Better                             “ We’ll                   meet                      you                      back                        at                     the                    Twilight”?

                 “ I                overheard                 grievous,”

            Annnnnd

     “ They’re hyper-drive             is nearly fixed,”

       Soooo, He better get you back to the      ship so we can start blasting it with Cannon balls again?

“ i’m already headed in that direction,”

  Soooooo, don’t do it, Obi-wan?

  Or have Anakin and take the extremely important senator       And come back for you later?

  “ i’ll make sure the   hyperdrive stays off line,”

  By shooting it with more cannon-balls?

Ha ha Ha ha ha

  We’ll see about that

 What?!        Person who can do nothing!

 Like seriously if they just go back to the ship-

  That Jedi

“I’m getting you out of here,”

  Good decisions

 “I need you to help me find 3PO,”

 How?

“ I know I know     he does,”

 Padme’s        expression

“And       i’ll be there     soon,”

  That’s        almost       adorable

       Oh          like          that

‘Someone stop this contraption,”

Careful        Words

  Yeet

There        We          Go

  Into      those      boxes

“ I       suppose             I did ask for that,”

Ha-he

   That got a small giggle   out of me

 Stomping

  Bait

Murderous        Intent

 Get        Fucked        Obi   Wan

Really    rolling out all the stops

Hahaha

 “ Hello there,”

 [Took a pause.   a long break]

  General Kenobi

“ kill him,”

Straight.       To.     The.       Point.

More in line with the characterization we’ve seen up so far, not that much for conversation

Dude’s       just rolling

 There        went the others

 Bowling    pins            they          are

Oh     grievous   has     a     gun

And   hiding behind the enemy

Thought     he sent     both those     guys flying

Apparently     I was wrong

Must’ve        Been        a       Third

 Ha

Didn’t     Work

Yeet

That    poor      Droid...

 Spark*

  That        was        impressive

    Nah      he        ran      around      things

It really set up your forces for a     brawl among       them selves

“Argh,”

Dude,   how   insecure

“ Guard         the         hyperdrive,”

Oh     yeah       he      did      shit        to         it

  Also   sending     basic       level      mooks        to     deal     with        it

Shooting         Things

 Again       how      did   Anakin         and   Padme     end      up     in      the    situation?

 They      were      at      the     train    station      last

  Now         they’re         at??

 And       have      agroed         every       enemy

  Who      should       be     focusing       on    Obi-Wan   because 

  That        was        their     last        order

   Grievous      has      just         completely       ignored       Anakin

 Hiding

 You          aggroed              Them!

  Why      are        you      calling       Obi -Wan

“Come in     Obi-wan,” 

 Get     her     to       the shuttle

“ i’m afraid     grievous     is onto     us,”

“We      noticed,”

 Hey   you guys Aggroed those guys completely on your own     don’t blame Grievous   for this

“Ack,”

Those      are      Tanks

 You’re  peashooter     isn’t going       to       do       much

 Also,          Anakin      shouldn’t     be     able       to      take     them   either

This           should       be        a     properly     terrifying     moment

“ We’ll           meet      you     back        on       the     twilight,”

Good     plan

“Obi-   Wan!”

Writers      don’t     screw       this        up

 “Come     In,”

 His   communicuff     clearly    got   damaged

What’s      wrong?!

 They’re       jamming      all     communication

No again   it’s far more likely that his       communicuff        Got     Damaged     (Especially   with      Grievous      listening        in,”

Not everything is     jammed communi         cations               Yeet, yeet         Yeet

That     should    not     work Those        are     tanks

Anakin   is        a     lightweight

His skill set is     unspecified

But     he shouldn’t  be able to cut more than     butter with that knife

Light wieght     clankers     should   pose    a   challenge

Due   to   the   amount   of   energy

  “That    might      buy         us      some         time

   Unlikely

   I       suppose         you        have          a        plan      Yeah,          Get           to            the         escape         pad

     Follow            Me

    ...To          the          escape           pod

      C3PO             I do believe           I’m lost

       Seriously            you           haven’t           found              this             guy

       Enemy          Territory

       And           all            alone

       You’re         a           service            droid

         Probably             wouldn’t              notice              anything

             “Ah,”

             Dude, they’d probably just adopt       you into the clan

            “ I surrender,”

               Again I really want to see the C3PO and battle droids     conversation

               (When not aware of the other side)

 It’s      a projector...          R2 D2

    “ you are a sight for    old eyes,”

      A nice   interaction

“ Master     Anakin         sent       you          to       find        me,”

  “ what        kept           you        then?”

     He      does         have         a       point

    Dude     got   thrown      off      the     train    about      an     hour     ago

R2′s      just been messing with him

“ follow me,”

“ The general        is demanding     a        status report,”

Oh some driod on droid    interactions    (without   the    general)

 Nice

Is    the    hyperdrive   re-paired         Yet

  From     there?

“ i’ll     give     him     the   good   news,”

This   isn’t   the       escape     pad

Did   you   take   a   wrong    detour?

Also    no   one   guarding   the   super   important    one   panel   repair

Just       Light weight    clankers

   Also that’s not   good news

  (Especially considering       it’s one panel)

   Surprised     this goes      so well

Also;      now     there’s      tanks

  Surprised you think that peashooter can do anything   ma’am

   Like seriously   should’ve grabbed a bigger gun

  The   droids     have     some

  And      you can’t tell me       there       hasn’t been artillery     laying around    this     entire       time

   Yeet

  That almost-      Turned into murder                 This is why not going to the escape pods      immediately    was       a      bad      idea

  Again          this       should        be         a      stressful        fight

But turning your child soldier       Into an all powerful      can never lose       child soldier

 Is bullshit       movie

 Opened   Door

  “Ever since I’ve known you       you’ve been playing       with droids,”

  Ack

 “I used to put them together,”

  Alright...

 Now I only take them   apart      Child soldiering...

  It sucks

So,    where do we start

GETTING TO THE ESCAPE PAD!

Obi-Wan      supposed to be here                               any minute!

With whole lot of     bullshit!

   Move!

First we need to get one of these     droids so they don’t know we were here

No destroy the thing and     go

They’ll figure it out in like   five seconds

When they go to start the thing     up!

Running is a good   option

“I’m gonna     hot wire   this ship,”

How does       this make       anything            better?

 He’s already down   and       in kicking position

  Everyone’s waiting for Amidala

 You’re not helping, good sir!

  (In fact I’m pretty sure   you’d have to fix something       To make     it go,”

Secondly,      This is a     HUGE    -ass ship

As a reason it has an   electrical team

Squeezing two little   wires

Isn’t going to do       much

It requires continuous effort   to different parts of the ship       To make a dent

And I truly doubt     such   a large ship is going to have such a     non-complicated        Start-up     compared   to hotwiring     a car

Point being;     this shouldn’t work

Give      Grievous      a little surprise

Again    if it’s anything less     Then a      bomb

 Dude isn’t   gonna have   much             trouble

And    this      is       a         waste       of      time

I’ll guess     I’ll clean up the droids   then

LITERally im   possible

That’s     a      tank!

 You   carry   light     weaponry!

Back     to    the   fleet

Plo           Koon         Is       doing     nothing

Having     tea   and   cookies   with     Ahsoka

Our     ships   are       in     attack     position

So...    nothings   changed

“Master     Skywalker,”

  No      one        else      either

   “No,”

Deadpanned

 “ The      droids        are     jamming      our     transmissions,”

(More   likely   reason     for     that      on       a       -damaged     ship)

But      Ergh-

“We need to give him more     time,”

 Opinion!

“ i’m sure we can,”

I’ve been sitting on my ass-         

  [Plo’s            Head        Moves     -Railway]

   We’re         back         here      again?

   Obi-Wan         should         be         at        the     station        by         now

    Everything         is       behind        him

   Yeet

   Yeet

Make it to the   Coms   center

Break      Some      Shit

Oof     Those       Poor     Droids            Good      Pa     rell       els

  Splat!

 Obi won    looking   back-and-forth

 Obi-Wan       you       are        a      Jedi     master       this      shouldn’t       be     hard

  Run

Tum   ble

I was fully planning on   him   stacking it

Roof

Also, Obiwan

  Stop fecking         Around

  Get to the   place

  Woof

How

Did you   end up   falling over?

Ironically Obi-Wan    shows    less    emotion    than     Anakin

* Slashing      the       train*

 Okay...     what     did     I   do

Snarky        little     shit

 Could        be     snarkier

 “That         oughta    do it,”

Ana     -kin      Doing      Obi-wan’s          Job

 Also   Oh     shit      is he       plugging           in       the            location         of         that       supposed          fight           with           master-

How’s the house cleaning going-

 Im-

 That dude made out of     -metal

  He is     FIVE    times     your   bodyweight!

 HOW?

 Done?

 You     MOVED         a     Tank??

HOW-

 That’s-

What       ever

 * Guys       coming            in*

    Oh   yeah       that’s         a       door

       I         guess       repairs         are       finished

Or       they went       on      lunch       break

   Prepared        to charge        up the hyperdrive

     Right on it

“Roger, Roger,”           -famous last words

   Sparking

 Driving

  Are we      seriously      waiting     on   these   two

“Are      you   quite   sure   the   ship       is       in   that   direction?

He’s   basically   a   GPS

That     way    looks   potentially   dangerous

All   of    them   do

 “Haz       ardous,”

 Better   Example     beeping   irritatedly

“I know       the whole     place      is    dangerous,”

  Thank you   R2-     D2

“ I   suggest   we       stay   here   and    let   master   Anakin   find   us,”

Bad     idea

A better idea than anyone in the ‘let’s meet up in an undisclosed location’ came up with

Good idea

3PO

Fecking   Irony

“Don’t    just   stand   there,”

See?

“Let’s      get    back     to    the   ship,”

Irony

Power          up   the   engines     R2

You know   Obi-Wan’s     likely going to screw up your shit   right

*obi-Wan     comes     around     the   corner,*

Dude you have shit to     screw up    

Did you forget?

There shouldn’t be an     escape pod   for you

What

Hold the   ship

No, you didn’t do     anything...

Then again he could just     cannonball   it

How’s that- 

Okay     Very light   bullshit

“ i’ll   contact    the     fleet,”

It’s   the   most   you’ve     done   this   entire   time

Focus      On         The     chair

Do        cking      Clamp

There     We       Go

 Off        We     Go

 It’s       still   Burning

Grievous        Off

Why?

He doesn’t know   

Obi-Wan’s off   the ship

Last   saw   him   on   the     train...

(Not     followed    up     on   directly)

Flighters,   Where        I thought they all got     destroyed?!

All batteries   open fire

Again     Plo Koon does not give a shit       who dies

(Until sitting on his ass gets        too   boring)

Also    this isn’t his fleet

They shouldn’t listen to   him

(Especially after he got his last one   killed)

More       Shooting at the   burning     wreck

Turb      ulence

And     Obi-Wan   still    didn’t   do        his     job

Guns

You can       shoot back   at any time

“ I wa-”

Obi-wan      being   completely       useless

Anakin       having       too     much     emotion

“I   got      it,”

Shoo   ting     stuff

Somehow       doesn’t    go   down   immediately

Hit

“ She     seems     to know   her way   around,”

Gross

Hit     Something

The      Hyper       Drive

-repaired

Also   Obi-Wan   didn’t   fuck   up   shit 

Dis     appointed

Also   it   certainly    as   frick   isn’t   now

After   they’ve   been   shooting

Should we retreat     to   friendly    space?

If You can make there it with it in     one piece      (Which    was    the   qualifications)

Engage     the   hyperdrive

With   me   not   on  it

“Secret base      sector four,”

Interesting

“Prepare-”

Enthus iastic

“Yes,      Sir,”

Fighters      still   chasing

Intense

“Nice   Shoot,”

 Gross

“Beginners     luck,”

 Beeping

“Pardin-”

“Hyperdrive   is   activating,”

Obi-Wan

“ Oh-shit     Caught in a   lie.”

“-what”

-They’re getting hit with cannonballs     Anakin what did you do   ?!

(What Did      I    order you    to do?)

Coordinates    are   locked

“Hyperdrives     engaging,”

  Shit’s     about       to    go-

Ar-

Sp-       arking

Glitzy     display         Base

“ I think   there’s     a   problem,”

“General     I think     there’s a problem with the   hyperdrive,”

Yeah       The ship got refired     upon     it’s probably       re broken

Seriously

“ I thought     the hyperdrive     was fixed,”

And then it got shot again...

The navigate computer is heading a straight into the   moon

What        ??

Fools       reset the           Navi         computer

“Quick,”

Tech    Support

Dooku

Worst         time      to     call

(Don’t       think     it     could’ve       gone       more       sideways)

Also good job         Anakin         You crash landed them       on a planet         with significantly larger surface area       and resources     that they       can             use      to         re-build

 Aka              you made things harder      than they needed to      be

  Obi-Wan,        what are you     ordering       this kid

Narrowed eyes

-No     reset       it

“General,”

 Harsh

But I’m interested         in where this is going

Since        Grievous           has          had           a lot of     �� shit thrown at him

Doesn’t matter     which side of      enablers         he still enabling

 But          I suppose        over involved         positivity            Would be            kind of a nice      change          for         him

 Over         over involved           negativity

 Speeds         off

“Trans         -mission         Has          been          cut,”

  Intentionally

* also      smart        droid

“ We’re     Gonna         die

[Explosion]

 How?!

Whelp       Obi-Wan has to have a sit down talk with Anakin.    about the ‘ Drive the         ship into the moon,’ order

Also I realized      (thanks to Obi-Wan)     they know nothing about what just     happened         Grievous           either             decided         to        just       end          it 

or they’re all dead

Obi-Wan

 Dick move

“ I imagine        you had           something       to do       with that,”

WTF- orders

“ all part of       the plan,”

Obi-Wan schooled       Anakin in      extraterrestrial terrorism

Cheering     at least the ion cannon     isn’t coming back

Nice shot

           ...So Destroy Malevolence

               I have to say      I really like this episode

 Despite the plot      stretched thin

        There was a noticeable increase in the quality of       animation

        The child characters were     good 

The other characters were a lot more consistent  And a lot       smarter                               

[crqstalite]

SHADOW OF THE SITH. Ch. 1.

TRI'AMA._MANAAN.

There were only a few things in this small galaxy that could piss off Tri'ama Amarillis. Well, that was a lie, she was very easy to anger, she wouldn't even attempt to kick that ideal from her character or people's assumptions of her. Sith, and the Emperor's Wrath, usually she had to pick and choose her battles, decide what was worth getting all up and arms about.

Still, this had to top her list of screwed up missions, rage still rolling off her in waves as her armor soaks through with the salty water of Manaan's endless ocean. Whether Lana had intentionally set her up this way, or if it really had been a fluke had yet to be seen. There wasn't a lot of trust between the two women yet, and she's beginning to see why. Whatever Lord Beniko intended to have her do in the future for her or anyone close to her, she'd have to definitely sign a waiver next time.  Not to mention the Republic agent that the Jedi had been so ecstatic to see open them an escape pod, she had plenty of questions for the blonde Sith at the head of these operations.

The woman that had surely followed her and later assisted (as grudgingly as Tri'ama would admit) with the destruction of the Selkath cyborg was a mystery though. Her blonde hair hung in her face, though she'd tied up what she could in a messy bun at the base of her neck while her soldier companion carried her on his back. The way her face contorted in pain, she figured the Jedi had broken her ankle, or possibly simply twisted it when she'd fallen earlier. A reason to allow someone else to take the brunt of the situation, Tri'ama scoffed at the idea. If she'd allowed Quinn to do such a thing, she might as well wilt from the embarrassment at succumbing to such an injury. Then again, she'd never met a Jedi who wasn't out for their precious Order, so she figured it was learned helplessness anyways. No wonder they continued to lose battle after battle, unable to fight through the pain.

The kolto still stung where it'd been applied rather generously on her pale skin, she'd admit that much. Not to anyone out loud, but she shifts an armor plate stealthily to mitigate the pain. A portion of her armor remained in the ocean because she'd had to rip it off to allow Quinn access to do his magic on the cuts that decorated her arms and the blood that gushed out of the many wounds she'd acquired while in the lab. Money lost, though apparently they were oh-so severe that they needed to be dealt with right then and there in the escape pod. She shoved him off her as soon as she could move her arm again, she wasn't interested in being pored over like a holonovel for much longer than necessary, especially by someone such as the Captain. Not to mention they weren't alone either, a Republic soldier and a Jedi sharing the pod with them. Pulling stitches, that was a bridge they'd burn when she got to it.

The Jedi (who still hadn't revealed her or the soldier's name) was still a mystery. Maybe a tad taller than she was, whether she was wearing heeled boots was another question, with blue eyes that were more grey in the sunlight of the planet. Just as the last bolt of lightning from the Shaasa adherent had ripped through her system, a blinding light of green and tan robes had appeared from somewhere in the room and taken down the injured Selkath with a single slash of her double bladed lightsaber. Pissed by the loss of kill, of course, she didn't even offer her own name though the woman had asked. Very conversational at first, but the fact Tri'ama kept ignoring her definitely made her put a sock in it. She'd also believed the woman wasn't half bad at first, but she also had kept Jakarro from murdering Gorima as Tri'ama had originally requested of the Wookie.

Stand in the way of justice then, be that way.

Tri'ama decided she didn't like her after that.

"My Lord. You've returned in one piece." Lana's facial expression is unwavering, but her tone changes slightly into one of being content with how the events had panned out. The woman was nothing short of being infuriatingly professional in the face of danger, though she seems to have a sense of humor, if their past conversations in Vaiken's cantina were anything to go by, "I'm assuming your injuries haven't rendered you inoperable?" She questions, placing her datapad down on the table behind her.

In other news, the Republic agent had also joined them, and he leaned against one of the tables in mock boredom. A red jacket, most notably, and cyborg implants on his temple and above his eyebrow. Good-looking, if she were being entirely honest. She'd never met the man before, much less knew his name. She'd have to ask Lana once he (and hopefully the Jedi) left.

"No thanks to Arkous." Tri'ama responds, crossing her own arms as Quinn stands behind her. She moves away without a second thought, attempting not to seem too at odds with him. That mess was something she'd sweep under the rug for now, probably for the rest of forever while she was at it. If Lana ever asked...she wouldn't get an answer, it was that simple, "You could've told me you were sending me into a death trap before hand, Lord Beniko."

"It wasn't intentional, my lord." Lana reassures her, her expression unchanging and golden eyes boring into her as if she were the one who'd done something wrong, "Manaan isn't allied to one side or another, so the way this mission turned out could not have been foreseen. What Arkous and Darok did is unforgivable, yes."

"Tell me we got more from this mission than only losing two of the Republic and the Empire's more important people in their hierarchies." Tri'ama shakes her head in disbelief, a note of sarcasm in her voice So Lana wasn't the apologetic type she was used to dealing with. Most respected her as the Emperor's Wrath -- there was no one above her in the Empire but the Emperor himself -- but it seemed Lana was not one of those people. That would have to be taken in stride, because she was already in too deep to simply pull out of the mission entirely because of someone who annoyed her for pretentious reasons. A cult on the rise, along with both a Colonel and Darth defecting to said cult? That would make galactic news within the week if it got out. If she or Lana were connected to it, she could consider her reputation destroyed.

So, as self-serving as it sounded, it looked like she was in this for the long haul.

The clanking of the soldier's boots and then the hiss of barely hidden pain makes her privy to him putting the woman down, and the agent's eyes widen in surprise at the scene, though he's clearly trying to keep his emotions under wraps. They must know each other rather well then.

"Master Iresso, I didn't know you'd been injured." The man responds, concern evident in his voice, as the woman hobbles to join their small circle. She has to lean against the soldier to regain her balance properly, but gives the man a reassuring smile, grey eyes tired but still bright after the mess they'd been through. How or why, she wasn't entirely sure and didn't exactly want to know either.

Jedi.

"I'll be fine, really Theron. A few days and continous healing should be enough to have me back up and running. No need to worry that much." Master Iresso says, shrugging him off, a chuckle on the undertones of her voice. Her face falls and loses it's smile though as she shifts her posture to test the weight on her injured ankle before sliding back into the position that she'd been in before, "What matters is that Darok got away."

"Which brings us to our main point, both Darth Arkous and Colonel Darok have escaped Manaan. For now, no one knows where they've gone or where they're headed, though they are tied to the Order of Revan," Lana repeats, moving to stand in a nearly identical stance to most Imperial agents when briefing, hands folded behind her back in a strong stance. "It seems though, that some of us aren't acquainted yet."

"Clearly." There's a touch of sarcasm that she lets slip into that admission, though Lana's glance toward her is one of 'play nice or else'. Getting out of here as soon as possible was her first idea, not making friends with the Republic. She sends a veiled glare towards her Sith ally, but it's easily deflected and ignored to her dismay. Then she'd play this game as long as the players were around. As much as she was the unwilling participant.

"Theron Shan, Republic SIS-and your new ally." The agent nods, seeming not exactly talkative or intending to reveal much more about himself. Tight-lipped and quiet then, how had Lana managed to score him as an ally to begin with? There were more mysteries to Lord Beniko than she'd thought at first then. Possibly they were here at the same time as each other, but to be hunting down the same people they were?

Too much of a coincedence.

At least he had a pretty face. That, she could get used to.

"Master Naji Iresso, Barsen'thor of the Jedi Order, another ally of yours." The Jedi responds, her face falling into a content, blank face as she looks to Lana and Tri'ama. Kinder maybe, but also somewhat younger than Theron, clear from her attentive attitude, and the fact she isn't as quick to shove them off, "My partner here is Lieutenant Felix Iresso."

Brother? Husband? It isn't immediatly clear to Tri'ama when she looks the two over and tries to find the connection between the shared last name. The contrasting skin colors of a sun-kissed tan and even more desert sun-kissed chestnut throw a wrench into the mix. Distant family, maybe. If there was one thing she knew about Jedi, it was that chances of having a lover and still being a Jedi, were very slim. There is no passion, there is serenity bullshit or something along those lines.

Then again, looking at how well her own marriage had worked out, she's considering not pointing as many fingers as she is right now. A shiver runs up her spine at the thought, holding back the want to turn around or even glance over her shoulder at Quinn.

He wouldn't do anything with other people here.

She hoped.

"Lana Beniko." Lana says, as polite as always as she gives a small but tight smile to the three. So her trust didn't lie with them as fully as Tri'ama had assumed, "I trust you both already know Jakarro."

The wookie says something she can't translate, though the Barsen'thor smiles knowingly, as if she knows good and well what has just been said. Because the others don't make any note to ask what he's said, she doesn't either. Even though she knows next to nothing about the furry species and their more-complicated-than-necessary language, she is a woman of appearances. Weakness or otherwise, that wasn't something she was about to admit defeat in front of so many people. Theron says something in response she doesn't immediately catch, but he isn't a bad face to look at, she realizes. He probably meddles less than Quinn ever did, anyways.

"C2-D4, former translator to her imminence, Queen Lina of Onderon." The droid strapped to the wookie's chest answers. A rather sarcastic bucket of bolts that they'd picked up out of the prison, he'd be if the rest of his body was attached to his head if he kept talking though, by her hand or the Wookie's. She wondered what sort of business required a pair like the two of them, and where the rest of the droid's body had gone. He'd been without it for a while, apparently. She assumes that Jakarro must be some sort of pirate, or possibly was just here at the wrong place at the wrong time and got swept up into the mess -- just as she did.

"Darth Tri'ama Amarillis-Quinn, Emperor's Wrath." She keeps herself from growling out her own introduction, though she's still curious about the presence of three Republic citizens. "My medic, Malavai Quinn. Really Lana, I wasn't expecting the Jedi or the agent. Had I known I would've polished my armor before I came."

"I'm sure you would've, Wrath." Lana turns her attention away from her though she's clearly a tad annoyed by the sarcastic comments of hers. They'd both see how long this allyship would last, between them and between the Republic, "Then on the matter of Revan and his followers, who it seems Arkous and Darok are..."

-

"You were on Tython, when the Empire attacked. I remember you."

It's the last thing she expects to hear, preparing to leave Manaan. The still hobbling Barsen'thor is standing rather strong in behind her, frowning with her eyebrows knit together but not inherently angry. Her presence remains stable, though there are chinks in the armor of it. Raising an eyebrow, Tri'ama turns from the panel to open her own star ship hangar. That meant that the woman had followed her all the way back here from the Welcome Center and had finished her debriefing with Theron earlier than expected. Maybe she should feel honored she's even being graced with her presence?

That was most definitely odd. What good was she to the Warden of the Order? Well, that had an obvious answer but the point remained clear. Her weapon isn't even lit, and she's not in any position to be attacking her or starting anything. Clearly Tri'ama has the upper hand, but she'll entertain the woman if that's what she wants.

"And if I was?" She asks, after waving Quinn off to start the Fury's engines. Once he's gone, she turns back to the woman, fully ready to grab her sabers in case this was all a facade for sympathy. What else could she be here for, friendly conversation? Tri'ama would watch Dromound Kaas burn before that happened, "What would it mean to you?"

"Padawans were massacred because of you. Innocent children because of your Empire's unsated thirst for blood." The Barsen'thor narrows her eyes before she continues, "They weren't any threat to you, and yet their bodies litter the courtyard because of your bloodthirsty ways."

"Is that why you came and tracked me down to my hangar? To berate me for killing a handful of whelps?" Tri'ama stifles a chuckle that still makes itself known through her respirator. Shaking her head and putting her hands on her hips, she slides into a more relaxed stance once she realizes that there isn't any actual violence present, "I thought you would've had better things to do than lecture me on my actions, great Barsen'thor."

"How can you just live with yourself after doing such a thing?" She questions, balling her fists at her side, though looking away from her for a moment. She holds back another laugh as the woman breathes first before focusing back on her with a renewed look of passion in her eyes. Containing herself then, lowering herself to a simmer before she continues on her tirade, "And then act as if you're all righteous trying to help track down Revan?"

"If I remember correctly, your Republic assaulted my homeworld as well without any precedence. I'm sure your precious Agent Shan had a hand in it as well, I can nearly promise it. They killed my people, and plenty of acolytes while they were at it. I say we paid you all back rather well in my opinion afterwards. You knew what you were getting into when you stepped foot on Korriban, and you knew the Sith would retaliate. Or is that unfair because we're the bad guys?" Tri'ama raises a well-placed eyebrow, using a tone that was reminiscent of one her mother employed when she was but a child herself, knowing she's caught the Jedi in a trap of morals. The woman's eyes widen, surprised as Tri'ama continues speaking, "Because we're the big bad Sith, it's okay that you've murdered our acolytes but it's a horrible tragedy that your precious padawans were struck down? Pick your battles accordingly, Barsen'thor. That was one you could not win without casualties. I do hope you're firmly aware of that."

"Padawans are children, Wrath. Your acolytes were nothing more than wayward souls." Her words have a bite to them after she collects herself, something she didn't immediatly expect from the woman. A welcome challenge at the very least, though. Tri'ama was one thing, and that was a debater. A welcome one, at that. If Master Iresso thought she was going to take this lying down, well then she'd have to get her eyes and thoughts checked. She was Sith, not some weak-willed Jedi, surely what she was used to dealing with in the Order.

"A moral dilemma then. Our future versus yours, and I see you favor your own more than ours. Were you also there for the decimation of the Academy? To see the lights of overseers and Sith alike go out like a power outage over a city? Were you the one who dealt the final blow to Soverus?" Tri'ama sneers, and the Barsen'thor nearly takes a step back in mild fear. That's all she needed short of the actual admittance to doing the deed. Her rage flares, that meant she had done it. Tri'ama had never been particularly close to Soverus (she didn't bother with the petty in-fighting of the Council) but the ripple through the Force was still evident to most stronger Sith. Now knowing the Jedi aren't even above that, she wonders what happened to these lightsided space wizards that were all so prissy and so perfect. There is a chance that the military was the one who organized this, enough soldiers fell before her as she defended Korriban from the assault, though it wasn't as if she'd just simply pass up the chance to get any more information from the Jedi themselves. She could imagine that this one would be happy to provide in it her quest towards moral righteousness.

"You...you killed Master Traless!" She attempts to rebutt. Her frustration is evident, and it's a welcome difference that she wasn't expecting. Tri'ama wonders where all that 'there is only peace' went as her presence flares. It prickles her own senses, which is confusing in itself as she buries it down within herself. How many buttons she would need to press, and where they all were was still a mystery to Tri'ama, but give it time. She'd figure it out, "You decimated the Jedi homeworld, and all for what?"

"And if I did? All's fair in love and war, Barsen'thor. Whether we come together to fight Revan or not, nothing will erase what the Republic has done to advance themselves in this Galactic War. Maybe the Empire has done some wrong too, but on this side of the fence it seems as if your precious Jedi have more to admit to than they'd like to say." As fun as it is to both tease the girl and watch as she progressively keeps trying to make up excuses for the distorted version of reality she lives in (really, acolytes might be older than a few saber-wielding toddlers who'd sooner whack off their own arms than protect the galaxy from anything more than nightmares, but they are still useful to forward one's own plans), she's also beginning to get angry. Lest the Barsen'thor walks away now and closes her bloody trap, she's concerned she may just choke the woman to get rid of her entirely. Lana would have her head for it, but at that moment Tri'ama isn't entirely sure she cares, "Anger. Does it feel foreign to you Barsen'thor? Tell me, have you ever used it against someone before?"

"I-I, never! That's not our way." She sputters, trying to reign in her emotions once she realizes what Tri'ama tries to get her to admit. She's realized all too quickly that Tri'ama is manipulating her into becoming angry, and instead sets her mouth in a thin line, thinking out her next response, "I'd never do such a thing, everyone deserves redemption."

"Then explain Soverus, please?" Tri'ama asks, her fake smile dropping as she speaks the name. She'd like to know what her excuse is, really. Was it traumatic for her? Was it just another battle? Tri'ama may not want to admit it, but she can't identify the type of Jedi that the Barsen'thor is just yet.

For once, the Barsen'thor is silent. Maybe she's thinking, maybe she tries to combat with her own excuse. Tri'ama wouldn't be surprised. She would hate to admit it, but the Jedi has a point. The Sith have murdered more Jedi than the Jedi have Sith. Capturing and rehabilition seems to have always been their so-called 'way' for some reason. Whether it actually worked was another problem entirely and...well Jaesa was a prime example. Not all Jedi were perfect, and maybe not all Jedi were the lightsided pawns the Order needed them to be.

"If you can't, then don't sputter and act like a fool. I'm not asking for you to admit you are wrong, I already know you are, but think of this Barsen'thor. I will not be told I am wrong for the morals that I grew up with and was taught. I will also not allow you to act as if the decimation of my training grounds did not affect me and did not make me more unable to trust you and your kind. To know what you are capable of now, is enough to convince me of where my loyalties lie. Do not act as if the killing of your homeworld and your people was a moralless job either. I had my reasons, as you had yours." Turning to leave and enter the hangar, she stops for just a moment and says, "Make your decision Barsen'thor. Stab me in the back and lose me and Lana as your allies to the other half of the conspiracy. Hopefully, I won't have to trust you long enough to finish this mess and allow you an opportunity to do so."

A glance over her shoulder shows that she is far from being wrong, as the Barsen'thor has closed her flapping mouth that almost seemed like a fish's before she and her ever-present soldier disappear back into the halls of Manaan's centers. The fury is up and running as she heads up the plank, 2V-R8 welcoming her back into the ship. As frustrating as the Jedi seems to be, she also seems like a feasible partner. Willing to argue her own points until the point of being backed into a metaphorical corner was fascinating, if also not a tad stupid. Good to know that she had someone like that on her side...well, she still didn't trust her, but that was in short supply these days anyway.

She could end up being a worthy ally, Theron included. Whether the woman flew around with a crew or not would be seen down the road, but she also wasn't sure what to tell her and what to leave firmly outside of their little discussions. Allying with Jedi in the past had never gone well for her, there was a lightsaber wound on her left bicep that was proof enough, and she was afraid she'd end up with a vibroblade in her back if she wasn't careful this time around. Keeping her guard up was a firm must.

But, she realizes as Quinn sets a course for Vaiken, if Revan really still is out there, then they could all be in more danger than anyone would like to admit. Revan was extremely powerful from what she did know, and he was no Baras either. Making a gamble of whether she'd make it to tomorrow was already tricky enough. And having a singular, one woman strike team, wouldn't be in the cards for an Empire that wished to survive this upcoming Cold War with the Republic. Forget that she trusted her life to her crew, forget that she essentially had the army on her beck and call if their absentee Emperor willed it, she may admit she needs help this time. And this time, not from Darth Revel.

Settling in to seethe upon her anger in her personal quarters, Tri'ama can't help the feeling of uneasiness growing in the pit of stomach. Something isn't right, but for now this was how things would have to be. An SIS agent, a Wookie with his droid, a Barsen'thor of the Order, Lana and herself.

It was anyone's game, and Tri'ama Amarillis did not intend to lose.

(Edited March 20th, 2020: added 2,146)

#swtor #star wars the old republic #swtor oc #oc #original character #tri'ama amarillis-quinn #darth amarillis-quinn #darth tri'ama amarillis-quinn #theron shan #female sith warrior #female jedi consular #jedi consular #naji iresso #felix iresso #malavai quinn #lana beniko #depths of manaan #shadow of revan #swtor fanfiction #fanfiction

[orbularborbular]

My Thoughts on The Last Jedi

Spoilers below the cut! Do not read this review if you have not seen The Last Jedi! You have been warned!

[And please, kindly remember that I'm just another idiot on the internet with an opinion. I'm not trying to change anyone's mind with this review…I'm just sharing my reaction, because none of my friends are online while I’m writing this and I need to mouth off to somebody.]

Okay, so – analysis time. The way I see it, there are two main narratives in The Last Jedi. I loved one of them, and I hated the other.

Narrative #1 deals with The Force™ . Naturally, it contains the classic Star Wars themes of tragedy, forgiveness, and redemption, but it adds depth and nuance to these ideas in a couple of ways. It explores the importance of human connection, and it underscores the power that each individual possesses to determine their own self identity, and with it, their fate. The writers made the inspired decision to take the struggle between Light and Dark and externalize it – make it into an actual, literal conversation between two people: Rey and Kylo Ren, with Luke acting as the tormented mediator. Mark Hamill just knocked it out of the fucking park with his performance too – what an amazing conclusion to Luke's story.

Narrative #1 acknowledges the flaws of Jedi doctrine and provides a simple, brilliant explanation for one the biggest questions left over from The Force Awakens: why did Ben Solo turn to the Dark side? The revelation that Luke drew his lightsaber on Ben in a moment of weakness, only to recoil in horror at his own impulse, casts Kylo Ren in an entirely different light. Ben truly believed that Luke meant to kill him – and what troubled teenage boy wouldn't develop emotional issues if he thought his uncle were trying to murder him in the dead of night, especially when he was already under the influence of an evil CGI freak? (On another note, can someone explain to me why Snoke was wearing like, a gold bathrobe? What the hell kind of aesthetic is that?) Luke's culpability, however minor, heightens the tension in the conversation between Rey and Kylo Ren, because it makes him a more sympathetic villain. Suddenly, his rage and hatred make sense. Luke's shame and self-imposed exile make sense. Everything makes sense. The relationship that emerges between the three characters is believable and emotionally satisfying, even if Kylo Ren does make the decision to be a punk bitch in the end. But man, that fight scene where he and Rey are fighting as a team? Top fucking notch.

Narrative #1 works because it establishes cause-and-effect, and because it gives each character a complete arc. Past trauma motivates all three of the central figures: Kylo Ren, Luke, and Rey each have to contend with their own personal demons and choose whether to rise above them, or succumb to them. Their parallel struggles give the movie a sense of cohesion and suspense. Their decisions matter, and those decisions aren't necessarily foregone conclusions, because all three characters have the power to influence one another. Luke chooses to accept his past mistakes and to reconnect with his old comrades; in doing so, he is finally able to achieve the absolution and peace that have eluded him for so long. Rey refuses to give in to her feelings of loneliness and abandonment; instead, she uses the empathy derived from those painful experiences to try and reach out to Ben Solo. Kylo Ren rejects Rey's attempt to connect with him because he is either unwilling or unable to deal with his own trauma. He stubbornly pulls away, and ends up more miserable and broken than ever.

I simply cannot gush enough about how much I loved this whole storyline. Writers take note: this is how you create compelling character drama. The stakes were personal and emotional, but they also had larger ramifications. The imagery and cinematography perfectly complemented what was going on in the narrative, too. Like that scene where Rey saw herself cascaded out, row upon row upon row? Holy crap was that an insightful visual metaphor for the concept of self-identity. And can we talk about the red salt on the snow during the final showdown? How it smeared when stepped in, like blood? That shit was amazing. Luke's confrontation with his nephew was the perfect conclusion to their relationship, and the best possible send-off for Luke. He went out on his own terms, as the ultimate Jedi master: cunning, heroic, and self-controlled, able to own up to his mistakes without being destroyed by them.

Now, on to the part of the film I hated. :(

Narrative #2 is The Little Guys vs. Big Evil™. The themes of this narrative are courage in the face of impossible odds, and the wisdom to know when to make sacrifices. Unfortunately, there are two major problems with this half of the plot that weaken the impact of these themes. The first problem is that there is ZERO world-building in these new movies. None. Zilch. In the original trilogy, the lack of backstory was not a problem because we were thrown directly into a reality where an oppressive autocratic regime was already in power. The audience could accept that these fuckers were genocidal and that a ragtag group of rebels was fighting them, because Episode IV was a blank slate. The conflict was straightforward enough that we could just run with it once it was introduced. But the new trilogy is NOT A BLANK SLATE. The film needed to explain how we got from the events of Return of the Jedi (where the Rebels had just won a major victory, the Empire was reduced to a shadow of its former self, and the threat of pan-galactic annihilation was no more), to “oh yeah, everything is a shitshow again”. What the hell happened during the intervening 30 years? How did the New Republic fail so catastrophically that the First Order was able become such a threat? How did the Imperial Remnant get its hands on that much firepower and manpower without like…anyone noticing, or stepping in during the nascent stages? Where the fuck did this Snoke guy come from, and why is his name so stupid? The movie fails to explain the chain of events that led to this new status quo. It doesn't even hint at it. We get no new information about the conflict at all; instead, we spend over an hour stalling while Finn and Rose do their thing.

Speaking of which... The second big issue with Narrative #2 is that it does not utilize its protagonists correctly. Poe gets some development, but Leia, Finn, and Rose Tico do not get character arcs. They do not change in any meaningful way as a result of what they go through. Leia in particular is static throughout the film. Sure, she spouts a lot of platitudes about hope, but we never get any real insight into what's going on in her head. Is she frustrated that she has to fight the exact same war she already fought in her youth? Does she feel guilty for failing to foresee and prevent the rise of the First Order? How has she been damaged by her personal losses, most notably the murder of her husband at the hands of her own son? The script just gives her nothing to work with. No pathos, no pain. She spends half of the movie in a coma, and the only time she gets to use her Force powers is when she's like...magically levitating through the vacuum of space (I call bullshit on that, by the way). Her only real moment of depth is her reunion with Luke. I think maybe the writers intended to put her character arc in the third movie, but uh...that's not gonna happen now, since Carrie Fisher drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

Finn, meanwhile, spends the entire movie on a wild goose chase. Sure, the casino planet was cool, but you could cut out that entire subplot and its absence would have no effect on the rest of the movie. The writing here frustrates me SO much because the character problem is SO EASY TO FIX. Here's how you make it work: from the get-go, the movie sets up an ideological conflict between Poe and Leia. Poe wants to blow shit up, while Leia favors a more cautious, big-picture approach. However, instead of following through on this conflict and forcing them to hash it out, the film fridges Leia and sets up purple-haired Laura Dern as Poe's foil. This decision baffles me. Leia is Poe's hero; he admires and respects her. Imagine how much more compelling it would've been if he had to make the gut-wrenching decision to pursue his own approach behind her back instead. Leia vs. Poe is a conflict with higher stakes. We care about both of these characters, and we can see both of their perspectives. Pitting the two against each other ideologically (but with no malicious intent), creates the opportunity for both of them to grow and change.

Here's how you fix Finn's subplot. Make his expertise on the First Order matter by allowing him to be the one who realizes how the flagship is tracking the Resistance through hyperspace. Have Finn reveal this information to Poe (it would make sense for him to approach Poe, because of all the people on board, Poe is the closest thing Finn has to a friend). The two of them decide that an infiltration job is in order. Poe calls Maz for guidance, and she recommends a slicer for the job. Because Poe is currently in conflict with Leia and the rest of the leadership, he sends Finn on a mission to retrieve the slicer in secret. Finn is thrown into a completely alien environment, and it proves to be a real learning experience for him. He sees the stark contrast between the ostentatious elite and the impoverished downtrodden, and his innate love and compassion begin to expand beyond just Rey (I still don’t understand how the First Order is responsible for the mistreatment of the children on casino planet, though. Isn’t the real oppressor like...late stage capitalism? lol).

Of course, he parks like an idiot, so he ends up getting thrown in jail before he can make contact with Maz's slicer. It's here that he meets Rose Tico for the first time. In this version, SHE is the chaotic neutral slicer with the longcoat and the air of charismatic unpredictability. Finn, desperate to escape, strikes a bargain with her. Initially, she only agrees to help him for the money, but as the film unfolds, we learn more about Rose. We discover that her sister died fighting the First Order some months or years before, leaving Rose jaded, aimless, and self-centered. Over the course of the third act, however, Rose sees something in Finn or in the Resistance that makes her reconsider her outlook. Perhaps Finn's fight with Phasma plays a role. She ultimately decides to honor her sister's legacy by taking up her mantle, and she joins the fight against the First Order. By condensing Rose Tico and the hobo-slicer dude into a single person, you create a character with a complete arc, and you create a subplot that matters. When Finn's attempt to infiltrate the enemy ship ultimately fails, it doesn't feel like a complete waste of time, because at least the Resistance gains a badass swaggering scoundrel of a slicer. A character that fucking cool should not be wasted.

A couple other quick fixes. You know the scene where purple-haired whatserface uses a hyper-speed jump to slice clean through Snoke's ship? It's one of the most visually arresting and memorable scenes in the film, but on an emotional level it's underwhelming because we literally just met the woman. Why not keep Admiral Ackbar alive a bit longer so he can be the one to make the iconic sacrifice? The audience already cares about him, so when he goes out in a blaze of glory, it packs a much greater emotional punch (plus, can we give an alien character a chance to shine for once? I'm so sick of all the humans). Back to Finn and Rose. For the love of God, please get rid of the awkward romance shoehorned in at the last minute. What you mean you “love” him, woman? You've known the dude for like two days! I mean, criminy. Rose Tico's character arc needs to be about coming to terms with her sister's death. Poe should be the one to save Finn by bashing his ship aside, because Poe is the one who's supposed to be learning when to sacrifice lives, and when to save them.

Anyway. As you may have guessed from this review, my feelings about this movie are super complicated. The humor was great, the visuals were atmospheric and creative, and the majority of the acting was fantastic. Every time Luke, Rey, or Kylo Ren were on screen, I was on the edge of my fucking seat. I was completely invested in their narrative and could not have been more satisfied with its conclusion. I was, however, sorely disappointed with the way the writers handled the conflict between the Resistance and the First Order. It could have been so, so much better. It deserved to be better, in a script this good. And honestly, maybe the reason I was so disappointed is because that's my favorite part of Star Wars: a ragtag bunch of miscreants scraping by on the strength of their camaraderie. The jump cut from Return of the Jedi to "everything is shit again" makes me feel like the initial Rebellion accomplished nothing. Like it was all for naught. I'm sure I could go digging for the full story in the supplemental materials and fill myself in, but like...it should've been in the movie. There's no reason why you can't devote five minutes to a little explanation.

Maaaaan. I get WAY too worked up about these things.

#Star Wars #The Last Jedi #Spoilers #review #Rey #kylo ren #Finn #Rose Tico #Leia #Luke Skywalker #Ben Solo

[gretamaya]

One Man for the Galaxy, Part III

Part I: AO3, tumblr

Part II: AO3, tumblr

Fandom: Rogue One

Summary: Jyn and friends go rescue Cassian. AO3

Notes: If I was making the sequel to The Force Awakens, this would be it. This is also an answer to everyone from Lucasfilm President Kathleen Kennedy to my own mother, who wondered how any members of Rogue One could’ve survived, seeing as they weren’t in subsequent movies. THIS IS HOW, MOM.

They followed Cassian’s trail as he was sold from one bounty hunter to another. They were always just a step too late.

The final bounty hunter sold him to the New Order. Once the Order had realized he was of value to the Resistance, they did everything they could to get their hands on him before Jyn did. Locating where he was being kept had been no easy task, and getting into the system proved even harder.

Two scouting units had left, and they had lost contact with both of them immediately upon their entry into the system.

Jyn, out of patience and unable to deal with her relentless concern, was preparing to head out herself when Leia pulled her aside.

“BB-8 has the map to my brother.” Jyn just stared at Leia, not quite able to grasp what Leia was saying. “Take Finn and Poe and ask my brother for help,” Leia clarified. “He might not, but Rey definitely will.”

By “might not” Jyn knew Leia meant “no chance in the dark side” but Jyn was going to ask anyway. Maybe they could even kidnap Skywalker and force him to help. Kind of like the Rebel Alliance did to her, what felt like a lifetime ago.

Jyn thanked Leia and left. Leia knew she would either see Jyn and Cassian together, or she would never see them again.

*

Leia provided the map to her brother; Chewbacca provided the Millennium Falcon to use as transport. Chewie had wanted to go with them, but he hadn’t left Leia’s side since Han died, and didn’t feel it was appropriate to now.

Jyn didn’t have much to do on the journey out besides worry. Poe and Finn had sent her to get some sleep, but she didn’t like sleeping without Cassian by her side, so she lay in the bunk staring at the wall.

BB-8 beeped at her. She didn’t speak their language, but she was pretty sure she knew what they were saying. Sure enough, when she rolled away from the wall, there was BB-8, holding a sedative patch out to her.

She took it with thanks. After eyeing her silently until she put on the patch, the droid beeped encouragingly at her and rolled away.

She closed her eyes. She remembered what someone had rather unwisely said to General Organa: Some people can’t be saved. To which Leia had responded: only because not enough people put in the effort to do so.

*

Rey would never admit to anyone how much she had dreamed of this: a delighted Finn, showing up on Luke Skywalker’s island retreat, rushing to greet her. She would never tell anyone, but she suspected Finn knew.

She knew Skywalker knew.

She had felt Finn getting closer - she had known he was coming for her. That knowledge had filled her with more delight than she knew what to do with.

Jyn turned away from Rey and Finn’s reunion. It hit too close to home. She and Cassian didn’t greet one another with the same open, unreserved enthusiasm, but the joy in their every reunion was the same.

“How is your training?” Finn asked her, finally pulling away slightly to look her over as Jyn, Poe and BB-8 approach at a more reasonable pace.

Rey’s face fell slightly. “Well…”

“I refused to train her,” said Skywalker. They heard his voice before he rounded a rock outcropping, R2-D2 following closely.

Jyn, Poe and Finn all start speaking at once. “Are you okay?” Finn, to Rey. “What? Why not?” Jyn, to Luke. “What’s going on?” Poe, to everyone in general. Beeping droids added to the general confusion.

Luke held up his hand as Rey assured Finn she was okay. “The Jedi training that I am familiar with has an unfortunate habit of producing Sith Lords,” said Luke. “I felt it best to no longer pass on that training. Rey has been training herself.”

They all looked at Rey. She had been disappointed when Luke had refused to train her, but such disappointment was hardly new in her life. At least he had offered her a safe place to engage in her training. Rey had taught herself to fix whatever mechanicals she had come across, to pilot whatever transportation presented itself. She could do the same with the force.

Feeling their uncertainty and concern, Rey stepped a little distance away from the group and closed her eyes. Slowly she began to raise dirt particles from the ground. The soil here appeared black, rich with nutrients. She sent the dirt moving in a circular pattern around everyone, and began to group various particles according to color. Red, orange, various shades of brown, even white patterns appeared in the swirling dirt.

Jyn stood, utterly transfixed. She had never seen anything like it. She didn’t know entirely what a Jedi was supposed to be able to do - most of the stories she had heard involved fighting and killing. The beautiful show, somewhat like a moving sunset, was not something she had even thought a Jedi would do. She found herself wishing Cassian could see it. He would like it as much as she did.

Cassian. All at once, the brief sense of wonder and peace she had felt during Rey’s display vanished. Rey, sensing her unease, allowed the soil to fall back to the ground, as if nothing at all extraordinary had just taken place.

Rey and Jyn stood regarding one another. Finn realized introductions were in order, and briefly explained who Jyn was and how he and Poe had found her. Rey in turn introduced everyone to Skywalker, who was looking at Jyn with an intensity Rey had never seen from him before. Here was Jyn Erso, the daughter of Galen Erso, the man who had built the Death Star.

Here was Jyn Erso, who made sure the Rebel Alliance knew about the fatal flaw her father had built into the Death Star, allowing Luke the chance to destroy it.

Jyn returned his gaze. “We need your help. A good friend of ours, Cassian Andor, is being held by the New Order. We know where he is, but we’ve been unable to get any information on what the New Order is doing in the system. We’ll be going in blind - your support would be invaluable.” Jyn wasn’t used to giving speeches like this, and she didn’t really know what to say to Skywalker to get him to say yes.

Rey nodded. “Of course I’ll be happy to help.” The words came out in a rush. This planet was far nicer than the desert one she had lived on for so long, but it was somehow even more lonely.

Everyone turned to look at Luke.

“It is no longer my place to meddle in galactic events.” He seemed very tired.

Jyn narrowed her eyes. What sort of bullshit was this? “I’m not asking you to do that,” she said.

“You don’t know that for sure,” said Luke.

“I want you to help save one person.”

“Who’s being held by the New Order.”

“I don’t care if he was being held by Ewoks, I’d still ask for your help if we were having trouble getting to him.”

“I left because I’m part of the problem. I know the danger the New Order poses - I helped create it.” Not on purpose, but Luke didn’t think that mattered. “Which is why I’m not the person you’re looking for. If I’m not leaving to save the galaxy I’m certainly not leaving to save one man.”

Jyn channeled her rising anger into her words. “If my father had thought like you, there’d be no New Order. But there’d still be an Empire.”

Luke shook his head. “The galaxy will not be improved with my meddling in it,” he said again.

Jyn was done. “I don’t care. I’m not asking you to save the galaxy, I’m asking you to help save one person. If you won’t, you won’t, and we shouldn’t be wasting any more time here.” She turned and moved back onto the Falcon.

Everyone else followed her in. An oddly silent R2-D2 slowly, forlornly, made their way to the ship. Luke let out a small, quiet sigh. His sister certainly knew what she was doing, sending Jyn Erso to get him. But then, she always did.

“Don’t worry, R2,” he called. “I’m coming.”

*

“So what’s the plan?” Luke asked once they were underway.

An uneasy silence. “I thought that we should jump in near the system, but not actually in it, since the previous attempts were unsuccessful,” said Poe.

“And then we can observe the system to figure out why they didn’t come back,” added Finn.

“And then?”

“That’s as far as we’ve gotten.”

Luke was neither surprised nor worried about this relatively flimsy plan. After all, he knew how badly well-thought-out ones could go.

Everyone crowded into the cockpit for coming out of hyperspace. There were more pilots than sets - Luke and Rey had ended up at the controls.

The first thing that got their attention was how noisy the system was. Countless short-range signals were bouncing around continuously. They were effectively blanketing the system, making an undetected entry impossible.

Luke frowned. “Whatever they are, they are very, very small.”

“What are they guarding in there?” wondered Poe.

Cassian, Jyn thought. She must have thought it really loudly, because the two Jedi turned to look at her.

She knew, of course, that all of this wasn’t for Cassian, but she didn’t care what it was for. Some horrible thing the New Order was developing. And Cassian was caught in the middle.

Jyn sighed. That was normal.

They decided to mimic the signals coming from one of the orbs, to get closer to the spaceport where Cassian was being held. They hid beneath an inbound ship and snuck into a decommissioned hanger, serving to shield them from the New Order until they completed their mission.

It was decided that Rey and a medical droid no one realized Finn had stowed on board would go get Cassian. Jyn wanted to go but the fewer people Rey had to shield from detection the better. The droid wasn’t a person and was one of the newer models, so it wouldn’t be out of place on a New Order base, even in a detention facility. When asked why he had brought the droid, Finn refused to elaborate, beyond saying it was a precaution.

Meanwhile, Jyn, Finn and Poe would rig one of the destroyers being built at the spaceport to blow up, providing them necessary cover as needed. R2-D2 and BB-8 would patch into the base’s system, to access information for the others as needed. Luke would stay to guard the Falcon and the droids.

“May the Force be with you,” Luke said, as they all dispersed to their various tasks.

*

Rey slowly dropped to her knees besides Cassian’s bunk. He was in horrible shape. His arms and legs were broken, as well as bones in his hands and feet. He was being pumped full of chemicals that prevented him from healing. Whoever was in charge here wanted to make sure Cassian could not walk out of his cell. The one small mercy is that he was sedated, so he wasn’t in a lot of pain. A feeding tube snaked down his throat. His captors didn’t want him to die, either. As she had suspected, he was here to trap anyone who came for him.

“Are you hurt?” the medical droid, ME-8, asked, catching Rey unaware. She startled and realized the droid had asked that because she was crying.

“I’m okay,” she said, wiping her tears away. She got to work hooking up a device that would mimic Cassian’s vital signs, so those monitoring him would not realize anything had changed, while ME-8 started clearing the toxins out of his system.

Task completed, she turned her attention back to Cassian.

“I need to wake him up,” Rey said to ME-8.

“That is unwise given his present condition,” the medical droid responded.

“I know. But I need to talk to him. Keep him on painkillers so he doesn’t get too uncomfortable.” Rey didn’t feel comfortable invading Cassian’s body without his permission. She remembered Kylo Ren doing it to her too vividly.

Cassian soon stirred next to her, as ME-8 reduced the sedatives. “Cassian,” Rey spoke gently. He opened his eyes a fraction to look at her. “I’m Rey.”

It took him several moments to process what she had said, that she was here. Rey waited patiently, feeling him slowly wake up.

His eyes got brighter when he realized who she was. “Hi, Rey.” The words were barely audible.

“This is ME-85791,” she said, glancing towards the medical droid. “We’re here to fix you up.”

“You can call me ME-8,” the droid said helpfully.

Cassian frowned slightly. He was still too sedated to do more. “I don’t think you can fix me.” He knew he needed a bacta tank, days of healing. He was being kept like this so he couldn’t walk out of the detention unit.

“I might be able to, but I need your permission to try,” Rey said.

“What do you have in mind?”

Rey showed him by gently knitting the bones back together in his hand. They were small, so it didn’t take long, but it was delicate work. She felt Cassian’s reactions: unease, curiosity, amazement. He even went so far as to help her, feeling along the bones with her as she worked. Rey had only ever healed herself, never another person. This was a new experience. A lot less lonely. And also faster.

When she was done she opened her eyes to look at him, gently holding his healed hand in hers. He nodded briefly his assent. Rey got to work.

*

Somehow, everyone managed to avoid the notice of the spaceport personnel long enough to begin to make their way back to the Millennium Falcon. Jyn had been assured that while Cassian had been hurt, Rey and the medical droid had helped him, and he was in much better shape.

Jyn still wasn’t entirely prepared to see him, however - he was pale and somehow thinner than normal, but he was walking, and he threw himself at Jyn once he spotted her.

ME-8 protested this unnecessary exertion exhibited by their patient, but was quickly hushed by everyone else, who were determined to give Jyn and Cassian a little privacy by watching the hallways for approaching hostiles.

Breaking away from the kiss, Cassian and Jyn pulled back grinning at one another. “Hey,” said Cassian.

“Hey,” answered Jyn.

“You came to get me.” Cassian sounded so delighted he was almost laughing.

Jyn cocked her head slightly. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Cassian gave a brief shake of his head. “I knew you would.”

He kissed her again, before breaking away to greet Poe and Finn, both of whom expressed their delight at seeing him again.

Rey hung back, watching the reunion, happy for everyone involved.

Finn turned to her, to beckon her over. Rey started moving towards him, but was arrested in mid-stride as though being hit with a blaster charge.

Rey’s eyes got huge as she froze in terror. “What’s wrong?!?” asked Finn.

“He’s here.”

Finn knew exactly who she was talking about, but his fellow Resistance fighters did not. “Who’s here?” asked Cassian.

“Kylo Ren.” Alarms went off as the words escaped Rey’s mouth. If Ren was here, then he knew they were here - and he would set everyone on the spaceport looking for them.

Almost immediately, they ran into armed guards who didn’t hesitate to shoot at them. They got split up - Cassian and Jyn headed one direction, Rey, Poe, Finn and ME-8 another. The two rebels didn’t pay much attention to where they were going, they just did their best to avoid the suddenly on-alert base personal. They ended up trapped between two busy corridors. Fortunately, there were several doors leading off of it. Cassian stood guard while Jyn worked at opening one of them. Successful, she hastily pulled him in after her, slamming the door shut. She pulled him close, leaning her forehead against his cheek, as they panted, trying to regain their breath. “I’m okay,” Cassian said, as much in response to their latest situation as a statement of his general well-being. “You okay?”

Jyn nodded. “Yeah.”

After a moment: “Jedi, huh?”

Jyn smiled. “Yeah.”

He pulled back to look at her. “What is here?”

“What?”

“What is the New Order building?”

“I- I don’t know.” Jyn was frowning in confusion.

“And they came to find out?”

“Who?”

“The Jedi.”

Oh. Jyn shook her head. “No, we just came to get you.”

Silence, as they stared intently at one another. Their breathing had slowed to a more even rate. “Thank you.”

Jyn would’ve kissed him if they hadn’t been interrupted by the comm. “Jyn, Cassian, where are you?” Poe asked.

Cassian raised the comm to his lips. “We’re… figuring that out,” he said, as he and Jyn begin to look around, reluctantly letting one another go.

“It looks like a storage unit,” Jyn said, checking out some nearby panels.

The room was pretty small, covered in panels, with two doors: the one they had entered, and another on the far wall. Cassian went to open it. His eyes got wide as the door swung open. “Jyn,” he called.

She looked out at the huge room before them, her heart rate picking up again.

“We found a data storage vault,” Cassian radioed to his rescuers and friends. “We’re going to look around, see if we can’t find something about what the New Order is up to here.” Jyn was already accessing the files.

“Okay,” responded Poe. “Finn and I have gone back to the cruiser, the Order’s deactivated some of the charges we planted. Rey’s gone to help Luke and get the Falcon. Try to get to a port where they can pick you up once you’ve looked around.”

“Understood,” Cassian replied.

*

His uncle and old master stood waiting for him in front of his father’s ship. “I see you’ve finally been compelled to leave your coward’s hideaway,” Kylo Ren sneered.

Luke didn’t respond. It hadn’t been cowardice that kept Luke from intervening. Ben knew this.

“You don’t think I’m worth it,” Ren growled, activating his lightsaber. Luke did the same. “My parents wanted to try to save me, but you think too many people will die in the effort.” Ren advanced upon Luke as he spoke. “Like my father. I killed him.”

“I know,” Luke responded. He raised his lightsaber to par Ren’s first blow. Luke had not fought in years, while Ren was fighting constantly, be it everything from Rey to traitors to display consoles that angered him.

Despite Luke’s rustiness he was strong enough in the force to counter Ren’s blows. Everything came rushing back so easily, Luke was surprised. Ren was becoming angrier. “I will not make my grandfather’s mistakes!” he bellowed at Luke, pressing for an advantage.

“You already have,” Luke responded, somewhat tiredly and very annoyed. Drawing the correct conclusions from a given set of information had never been Ben’s strongest attribute. Ren began to use the force to throw loose objects at Luke. Luke also had to block Ren from using R2-D2 and BB-8 in such a way.

“I will finish what he started!” Ren screamed, as he ripped paneling from the wall, throwing it at his master, forcing Luke to defend himself from the lightsaber blows as well as the debris Ren kept flinging his way.

“He did finish what he started!” For the love of the force, how did Ben not get that? Anakin Skywalker had completed his life’s work. Just because Ben didn’t like the way he did it, didn’t make it any less true.

“You are weak! You never should have let saving that rebel scum distract you from destroying the star killers.”

Ren realized his mistake immediately, from Luke’s reaction. Ren had been keeping Andor here to provide a distraction for whomever showed up to try and sabotage the New Order’s latest project. He knew they’d be unwilling to leave a colleague, making their success that much more unlikely. But his uncle had come here only for Andor - he had no idea about the star killers. The ships were designed to work in groups to detonate stars, thereby wiping out entire systems. They were an upgrade on the planet-destroying death stars in another way as well: there wasn’t just one of them, making them far less vulnerable to sabotage.

Several things happened very quickly after Ren’s revelation. During the loud, obvious lightsaber battle, Luke and Ren were involved in a much more subtle war over Luke’s comm link. Luke was trying to keep it open, so his companions were aware of what was going on. Ren was trying to keep it off, to prevent Luke from receiving or giving help. Luke had managed to have his comm link on for the exchange, meaning Jyn and Cassian in the spaceport vault heard it. However, Luke thinking about that gave them away to Ren, who immediately ordered his troops toward the area.

*

“Leave it!” shrieked Rey over the com, panicked.

“But we don’t-” begin Cassian, unwilling to leave his task unfinished, especially when they finally knew what they were looking for.

“It doesn’t matter!” Finn, this time. “We’ll think of something else! Run!”

“Get out of there!” roared Poe.

Jyn grabbed Cassian and pulled him away from the console. She was giving herself flashbacks to all the times he had done the same for her. "Leave it," she ordered. He listened.

*

Luke saw Ren unhook something from his belt and throw it at the Falcon. Too late, Luke realized what Ren’s goal was, other than killing him: destroying their means of escape. I will not make my grandfather’s mistakes.

Luke tried to remove the grenade from the Falcon, but Ren prevented him, and Luke didn’t have any more effort to give, between defending himself from Ren’s lightsaber blows, the debris, and making sure Ren couldn’t hurt the droids. “Move towards the bay door!” Luke screamed at them. Both droids flew across the metal bay floor as the Millennium Falcon exploded behind them.

Ren got a great deal of satisfaction from watching the Falcon explode. He had long wanted to do that. His anger at his uncle was only increasing - how dare he come here for a nobody, when he wouldn’t even try to rescue his nephew! Sure it was a rescue Ren didn’t want, but being dismissed in favor of a worthless rebel only enraged him.

His uncle was tiring. The destruction of the Falcon had sent a wave of grief running through Luke. Sensing an opportunity, Ren reached for R2-D2, his triumph building-

-Only to be blocked by someone else.

Rey appeared at the bay door, lightsaber already in hand.

Luke saw his chance.

*

R2-D2 and BB-8 raced along the corridors, avoiding stormtroopers as best they could while following the comm signal to Poe. The droids had been directed to head to him by Rey, and while they were worried about their friends, they both had seen enough of lightsaber fighting to not wish to be involved in any additional exchanges.

R2-D2 mourned the loss of the Falcon, while hoping that was the only loss they would be mourning.

*

Cassian and Jyn, following the same signal as the two droids, soon came upon them, and they were quickly reunited with the others. However, they found any path forward blocked by the activity on the base.

Their only option would take them back to the cruiser set to detonate. “Maybe we can find an escape pod,” Finn said hopefully, as they all looked at one another.

“Finn!” Rey’s frantic voice came through the comm.

“Rey! Where are you?”

“Luke and I are heading your way,” she responded. “Everyone okay?”

“We’re all here, however we have no means of escape. We were thinking of going back to the cruiser and finding an escape pod.”

“We’ll meet you there!”

Everyone got moving.

*

Alarms sounded and lights flashed as the first, larger group entered the empty cruiser, which they now knew to be a star killer. Unable to stop the detonation sequence, the New Order had evacuated the ship. The engineers building it where more valuable than the uncompleted cruiser. R2-D2 and BB-8 both immediately tapped into the cruiser’s circuits, looking for a means of escape.

“ME-8,” Cassian said to the idle medical droid, “Can you hook into the system and see if there’s any information on the cruiser’s construction?”

“I am not programmed for such a request,” the droid responded, somewhat despondently.

“That’s okay,” said Cassian reassuringly. “I’ll walk you through it.”

Jyn watched as Cassian helped the medical droid hook into the system and look for battlecruiser schematics. She had missed him so much. This was her Cassian - always looking for some way to help.

“I’m sorry,” ME-8 said, “I do not see anything like what you are looking for.”

“Thank you for looking,” Cassian answered. Meanwhile, R2-D2 and BB-8 both beeped that their attempts had been futile.

They all stood looking at one another.

Cassian, realizing they were standing on a ship that could fly, and also was itself a source of information, volunteered, “What if we just steal the cruiser?”

“The cruiser that’s about to explode?” asked Finn in disbelief.

“Can you stop the detonation?” asked Cassian.

“We didn’t rig it to be turned off!” Finn said in exasperation, but he was already trying to figure out how to do just that.

“We set the explosion to run along the main power grid. If we isolate the ignition source, we might be left with enough of a ship to steal,” said Poe.

“Turn the ship off,” said Jyn. Everyone looked at her, the suggestion was crazy. Turning all the power off would leave them without life support. “I did this once when I was working with Saw Gerrera. We were on a ship and needed to stop a power meltdown. It was a harrowing few minutes, but it worked.”

At this moment, Rey and Luke showed up, the later dragging an unconscious Kylo Ren, none too carefully.

“We’re going to steal the cruiser,” Finn announced into the silence. He felt someone needed to say something.

Luke nodded, smiling. “Good idea.” He turned to ME-8. “He needs to be kept unconscious so he doesn’t kill everyone.”

ME-8, grateful for a request they could handle, responded, “It is within my programming to perform that request.”

Luke and Rey had shown up just as the cruiser was being pushed away from the spaceport, so it wouldn’t take the whole thing with it when it blew. While Luke and the medical droid prevented Kylo Ren from causing any disturbance, the others raced around, first shutting the whole system down. They heard the explosion, muffled, deep within the ship, and prayed it wouldn’t spread. After a few minutes the shaking and shuddering subsided, and the ship was quiet as no ship should ever be. They turned it back on and breathed a sigh of relief as the ship came to life around them. They raced quickly to activate the hyperspace drive, and get the hell out of New Order space.

*

When Leia read the report that they were coming back, she had to sit down. She hadn’t had such a shock since Han died.

She had thought Jyn might be able to pry her brother out of his self-imposed isolation. She had thought they would be able to save Cassian.

She had not expected them to find the New Order’s new galaxy-conquering endeavor. Or to bring it back.

She had not expected them to bring back her son.

*

In an observatory on General Organa’s flagship, Cassian sat with his back leaning against the wall, Jyn leaning her back against his chest, his arms around her, as they watched Resistance ships swarm around the cruiser they had brought back.

It had been a hectic few days. Most of them had sustained injuries that needed attention, necessitating time in med bays and bacta tanks. Kylo Ren was still sedated, as the Resistance worked out what to do with him. Luke was all for taking him back to his island retreat, but Leia wasn’t so sure about the idea. Resistance engineers had started to pull apart the cruiser, working to figure out how it was designed to destroy stars. And finally, Cassian had been cleared to go on missions again. “I guess they figured since you didn’t melt down while on a ship about to explode being chased by half the New Order, you could handle a supply run,” Jyn had teased him. That had only made Cassian smile wider.

Cassian let his eyes wander over the important work taking place in front of him, content with Jyn in his arms. “Thank you,” Cassian breathed quietly into her hair.

“You’ve already thanked me,” she said. Repeatedly and in many ways, she didn’t add.

“I know,” he said.

“I never would’ve left you.”

“That’s why I’m thanking you.”

Jyn shifted her focus off the swarming ships in the distance, finding Cassian’s reflection in the glass. She smiled at him. He smiled back.

Her fingers gently rubbed his arm where she was holding him. “Welcome home.”

#rebelcaptain #rogue one #star wars #jyn x cassian #fic #my fic #this is really long #and i had to remind myself to stay focused #there were so many scenes i cut out #anyway i hope you enjoy the adventure #leia deserves better

[dinoalexander]

The Semi Quotable 2017 Part 5

“applebee’s is literally begging to give away their food.” – Christine Teigen

“In the car w/husband, I offered $20 and a blowjob immediately if he could guess the official title. He did not win.” – @SteelyDanRather on the title announcement for Solo: A Star Wars Story

“280 tweets look like serial killer manifestos” – Scott Aukerman

“Dick Versace had two goals in 1989: guide the Pacers to the playoffs and beat Ricky Steamboat as many times as possible.” – Super 70’s Sports

“It’s D-Day and (Robert) Mueller secured the beaches before noon. Run Nazis.” – Mark Frost on the indictment of Michael Flynn

“The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.” – Luke Skywalker

"The answer is either ass, boobs, or dick." -Jordan

"For the sake of salvaging whats left of the positions dignity for President of the United States...can someone in his staff please for the love of God delete Trumps twitter account? Its now gone from one of the most prestigious positions to "worlds most cringe worthy Twitter handle" in less than 6 months." -Steve

"Plague!!!!!!" -Block

"Donald Trump deals in bullshit the way a bovine fertilizer salesman deals in...well, bullshit." -C

"Sometimes you're the Galactic Empire, sometimes you're the Rebel Alliance." -Heather

"Leave it to us to make 'The Little Mermaid' SUPER awkward." -Q

"Ted Cruz...trippin'?" -Molly B

""Live your life in such a way that Donald Trump tweets mean things about you" -David K

"I remember reading so many posts immediately after the election from people who were absolutely terrified of what was going to happen once Trump was sworn in and Republicans controlled both houses of Congress. As evidenced by the fiasco that's unfolding with the health care bill, it should be clear that you folks had nothing to worry about. Even if they had some sort of nefarious purpose they were trying to carry out in their agenda, it seems as though these guys couldn't find their ass with both hands and a GPS." -Tim

“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get. Your shit. Together.” -Morty Smith (Justin Roiland)

"Alright, I'm now willing to admit there is a downside to everyone wearing yoga pants in public: I can't tell which of the adults milling about at the gym are here for adult gymnastics and which are just waiting to pick up their kids." -Pam

“Byron Allen’s got me all confused.” -me whenever “Happy” plays on the radio.

"A teacher in the school is selling Girl Scout cookies. The teacher got my order. In related news, someone's daughter is going to Camp Sugarbush this summer. Also in related news, after I eat these cookies, my nickname will be Sugarbush." -Klauss

“Like THAT’s safe!” -Michael, on Quisla’s... erm, safe.

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that people die of natural causes." -Rammson

"Donald Trump doesn't understand climate change because he lives in perpetual shade." -Laura

"A close friend referred to this before and after as Exponential Degredation. He said it and he's not taking it back." -The Perfesser

"This would be the equivalent of opening up a Cracker Jack box looking for the prize and seeing it in the bottom ox a box filled with sludge. There's some cool things but do you really want to go through the sludge?" -Gordon, on "Hip Hop Squares"

"You're not minimalist. You're broke." -some guy

"Okay, so we have watermelons.... why aren't there earthmelons or airmelons or firemelons? What happened to the rest of the elemelons?" -Emily Ann

“Thanks for making me confused about my sexuality, Adam Driver. You talented douche.” -Laura

"Unicorn Frappuccinos are what happens when you try and make too much of a good thing for profit. Its the answer to a question nobody asked. It's a Bar Rescue gone horribly wrong." -C

"(As Craig Ferguson) Now he used to be a wrestler and now he's going into politics. Now the two are highly different of course. One involves people with larger than life personalities who make grandiose claims and attack their opponents constantly and the other involves spandex tights." -Brian

"Dang it, PWC! Where were you in November? We could have had Emma Stone as President!" -Clint

“Feelings are real, but they are not reality.” -Dan Harmon

"It's like you've inherited a baby alligator. He was cute for awhile and now he's a big alligator who's threatening to destroy everything but still hangs around you and calls you daddy." -Gordon

"If one of those interchangeable Kardashian chicks dressed as a stewardess interrupted Sean Spicer's press conference by handing him a Pepsi, we as a nation could begin the healing process." -Kevin

"Opened Emma's recital costume and IT WAS COVERED IN GLITTER AND NOW I AM COVERED IN GLITTER AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS COVERED IN GLITTER OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYYY" -Molly B

"It's not terrible, but you can see terrible from where we're standing." -Q

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS!!!" -Michael

"Ladies and gentlemen, my sister, the one-woman Greek chorus." -C

"I have designated February 14 as 'Catch Pokémon, Not Feelings Day'." -J-Ho Boy-Type

"Because that's what ABC thought. This party needs more Lucy Hale." -C

"If I were Samsung I would make my keynote address one sentence. "Samsung galaxy S8… This one won't light itself on fire"." -Brian

"We are not going to let another demon monster take hold and grown and run wild. We are going to nip this problem in the bud. WE ARE GOING TO KILL HITLER AS A BABY!" -Q

"To quote the great Panamanian philosopher Roberto Durán, 'No más'." -C

"I broke my banana." -Q, re: an actual banana.

"Los Angeles has two football teams, two baseball teams, two basketball teams, and two hockey teams, but no curling teams?" -Kevin

"I have to wait for the Luther breakdown to finish!" -C

“Ugh. I really wish I had something cool to say.” -Johnny Yong Bosch

"Less Donald Trump! More techno music!" -bus random to a Bop It!

"Someone told me that being verified on Twitter “really doesn’t do anything” but that person is 1) wrong and 2) head of a social media dept." -Cory

"How did you know Carolina was going to beat Duke?" -Q

"Quisla... its U.N. motherfucking C. They handle shit. Consider this shit handled." -C

"my most-recent counseling appointment had me reaching the following conclusion: i fully acknowledge that i am a jackass, and my attempts at keeping myself from being a jackass has stifled what people like in me as a consequence of not wanting others to think badly of me. so what am i to do? just be a jackass and shoulder the consequences no matter when and where it happens? not entirely -- if i am to have my moments of jackassery, i will make better efforts to steer those spells towards being a jackass for the right reasons. sometimes it takes a jackass christian speaking up when someone claims to be a christian but whose words and actions are far from the basic command of 'love one another.' sometimes fighting for the weak and powerless means being a jackass towards the mighty and powerful. sometimes only an absolute jackass would punch a nazi in the face. i'm josh eldridge. i am a jackass. i hope this admission doesn't effect our friendship." -Josh

“Kylo Ren is like a sullen, resentful jungle gym.” -Laura

"I'm going to make a screwdriver because it's cold as shit outside." -Shelly

“I’m Regis Philbin! Welcome to night 24 of Who Wants To Get Impregnated?” -Jordan

"I just can't girl right." -Shannon

"Our long national pasttime is over." -Jessica, on overlong baseball games

"You may have a problem if the Target cashier recognizes you, knows you by name, and asks if everything was good because you didn't come in on your 'normal' day. Yay! I'm a regular!" -Aryn

"I read my bed all the time! It's a Serta!" -Kitty Carrion

"Does Baby Jojo need a binky?" -C

"I sense a great migraine in the Force...as if millions of white people were trying to get woke at the same time." -Laura

"Well the inauguration is over, finally after two years we can all get back to normal and... *boots up facebook* ...and I'm going to stay off Facebook until January of 2021, cheers 🙂" -Brian

"What fruit is the state of Georgia famous for? ... Todd Chrisley." -C, at quiz night

"So, apparently as an instructor, referring to the start of a new semester as "hazing" is frowned upon." -Heather

“2017 in a nutshell: You see “Mario Batalli :(“ as a Facebook status and you say to yourself, “Dead or pervert?”” -Adam

"Fun fact: staying sane is hard." -Jordan

"If I performed my job with the same razor-sharp precision with which meteorologists perform theirs:

Boss: Is this the data you promised me three weeks ago? Because it looks like completely wrong information.

Me: Yeah, but, as you can see, I've color-coded it in lovely hues of blue, purple and pink where I thought it would make it look nice.

Boss: Yep. Looks great! Keep up the good work.

I am clearly in the wrong profession." -Molly B

"😂😂😂 if I was meant to behave, I wouldn't have been born so good at misbehaving 😛" -Emily Ann

"Seen on a group page tonight:

Everything Kirk Cameron touches turns to patriarchy." -Shrub

"In other news, 30 oz of ribeye can be converted to 0 if you just believe in yourself." -Justin S

"Bacteria gets me so hard." -Jordan

"Oh REALLY..." -Q, reaching for Jordan's pants

"Who here loves animals but hates that Sarah Maclachlan commercial?" -Sweet Tea Shakespeare guy

“Hey... I run them miles. I’m slow as fuck, but I run them miles.” -C

"Trying to stay positive in a world full of assholes is like trying to shovel hot jello from a wheel barrow using a pitch fork with only one prong!" -Sheila

"If there's one thing I learned in college, it's: never underestimate the power of an icy, cold shower beer. Thanks guys!" -Dahlia

"No, no, no. I can't have penises all over my car tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe, but no penises tonight." -Nicole W

"Maybe for Lent Trump should just give up." -George Takei

"She wanted someone to take the pickle, so I did." -C

"Too... many... JOKES!" -Brian

"Saw the Barca result. Ah, so that is why folks riot." -Steve P

“I can’t have weird Chico. I live with him.” -Q

"Yay sports! Spoooooooorts!" -Milana Vayntrub

"You're at a bar. Playing bar trivia. Against an IQA ranked quizzer and his sister who would also be IQA ranked if she made the trip to Raleigh with me that morning. We are naturally expressive people within our family. That comes from being the children of Carlos and Olivia Alexander. We laugh together, we love together, we cook, fight, and emote together. And when we win, we emote like hell. If you don't like it when we win, next time bring smarter friends. Until then, get the fuck over it." -the son of Carlos & Olivia Alexander.

"This is my face when I find out some epically old karma has been served." -Shannon

Okay, one more oughta do it.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 18

         Mystery of a Thousand Moons

 So,    Mystery of a Thousand Moons

Starts   with a really strong quote

   “ A single chance is        a galaxy of hope,”

   And into the episode

    “Hard pressed Jedi,”

      [Shows Ahsoka]

       Ah, mate?            that is one of the biggest Mary Sue’s in the series,           Reason you can’t see her face?            She’s smiling

       Good

       Alright

       Okay

      “ everyone on Naboo would be dead now,”

         .....    

         That         assumes           that           they         would           be         very     unaccountable         and        toxic

    Like,       no      one      they      had       to       blame        but   themselves,       for      that

  Just another boring day saving the universe....

   You did help

   I will give him that

   Obi-Wan did do something        in the previous            Episode

                      A child soldier also had a fight his battles

 But that’s besides the   point

Theed

Pretty sure that’s a war crime

   *Surprised there not taking him to the Galactic government for that

    Whelp

      Virus           Bombs

      Okay...?

      So it didn’t dispose

   So long as you established some mild amount of accountability

    And locked him up

   That shouldn’t be a   problem

  A droid must’ve taken it........

    These episodes never do start off           on the right foot               do they?

      It’s always some hilarious miscarriage of logic                Turning out to be true

Okay, where does this            lead?

      Aight

 Okay, bullshit, movie               You showed that little fucker running away       When     his      shit    was      taken

  Truly doubt he has such specific programming as to ran away when object of your concern has been taken but resume       oper     -ation                     And        Track          A         Vial          That          Could         be       Anyway

     It’s not impossible but it is damn well    unlikely

    So they didn’t destroy these      fuckers

    ??

   Heck

   Whelp

   Bull-shit

    [ You can tell     they didn’t plan this shit        in advanced]

      We saw that little   fecker - there was    nothing in his hands

       Really ret-con        ning

       It’s not worthy of a    sin on its own;       But it’s a damn good way to     piss off your audience!

   Hopefully the episode is         worthy of that             ret-con

       Doomed

 Oh they’re actually         taking him    some what     seriously

 That’s-       A bit      better

 Not  Perfect

  Okay

  Bullshit

   Dude  

    Might’ve        Been         Self-           Destructive           But          he at least had the intell        -igence not to auto-        Mate it-

    Wait,          It       Caused           An        Earth        Quake?        (We did see the security system overreact, so I’m not going to call that one too harshly 

     Also, okay

    Lock down the lab    quarantine those fuckers         And they will be fine    in like five days        (Maybe more if you want to like        pass them some             ibuprofen)

        This is fine

         Safe              room

           This is the place of a mad (unaccoun-         table doctor - who thought killing people was a      good idea-”

    You’re honestly    going to trust the safe       room?

    Better        idea;  get the       fudge out of there

 (And again just toss whoever got sick      some ibuprofen)

   Problem solved

   Seriously

      They          Have           Masks

     They’re         Adults

       They’re            Fine             .....

        Okay,      Padme

   ....

  Okay,  she does have the. thing

   (Not sure if it was in a      previous scene - I wasn’t paying attention    that much)

    Anakin

  Hey, the only character I actually care about is   here!

  (He’s the only one         whose sickness isn’t         his own fault

      Okay

    Yeah sucks      that no one else got those protective suits

      Well at least all the sick guys some    ibuprofen

      (I’ll try to keep the ibuprofen jokes down to a   minimum)

      Ahsoka,  has sealed off the entire    facility

     Cool, pass people down there some food   (and medicine) and wait for it to pass   down

       Droids

       Break out

   You locked down the facility?

  How can the dude unlock it   down?

   Can’t you just-

    No, sit in quar       -antine

     Let the people out      side keep the door shut

      And don’t feck around     with this thing

  “Be    care-ful,”

   No      one        is

   Put this        on

   “You’re bringing the       child?! ‘

     Why?

      He’s - like,               The only one               of you guys can get sick from this thing!

          Aight

         Ahsoka

Oh, yeah   let’s drag the other child soldier into this!

  (Are      you trying to get everyone killed?]

   Seriously

   Droids

   Dude,      Seriously

   Also you asking the “Mad” (Unaccountable!) scientist,        For the antidote?

     Scour on the planet

     You’ll likely find some (medicine) ibuprofen, capable of lessening the side effects, and compatible with their biology

     Rule

     Manufacture a plague

     That’s        really     impossible       unless      everyone         is         an      unaccountable         (Like in order to get that it should’ve killed you too)  

     And (Possibly)  anyone nearby

  Who    wasn’t     Practic      -ing       Account-

Per     son     ally                  Bull-shit

   That      this      works

   “Cure,”

    Stop      poking        the     wound

     Someone wants to fuck around with mother nature and pay the consequences that’s their own prerogative

     So long as you   don’t fuck    around with mother      nature, it         ain’t         Your       Pro      blem

 “Games,”

   So stop dealing with that fucker and go toss the clones some       food

    Or look for some damn     ibuprofen

 (I’m sorry    it’s becoming the      running joke        of this episode)

                                                    Seriously this                                                      guy should be                                                           dead

                                                       Unless                                                            he had a damn good healer on his team

                                                         Whom I respect                                                            immensely, having to deal with the majority of individuals who decide to, “ fuck around and find out,”

                                                       Who decide to say, to mother nature, nah                                                            I got this

                                                         And hold them                                                             accountable

                                                            * having both the ability and mak- ing the decision, to do so

                                                         And that’s feckin  

                                                            Ballsy

                                                         on the other hand whoever                                                 cured this guy clearly wasn’t practicing                                                              accountability,   

                                                     As if mother nature decided this guy was                                                           too stupid to live, you sure                                                           bet he’s not coming back into society 

 *Should

 Kill me now         I sure          wish       they would  

(Un-            Accou           n            -tability) 

unaccountable        freak               of          nature

 “ first droid breaks out of that laboratory,”

  There’s one

  Also well guess    we’re sealing it off till it      dies           Bye       Made,    Man

     Didn’t they say it was eradicated?

    Through the adjacent        herb

    Put in accountability

   There we go

   Problem       solved

   Fastest way to        save

   Again throw a     Tylenol           (Yes I have changed the thing,”

   Find an actual antidote

  Again is there not one?

   Toss the herb  

   Throw them in accountability               Standard              procedure

     Aight

    There they go

    Whelp

   In here

   Thought that was reasonable

   Dead         Man

   You’re wearing masks

   And are adults....

    Again yeet a Tylenol

     Send them to        Accountability

If there’s anything we should be worried about is         Ahsoka

   Yeet her into       stable           environment 

    And....    hope for the best

    Not       sure how badly this would affect someone who can’t assume authority/         (/accountability)

    The best course of action          is just to not let them near that kind of stuff

     I don’t know what kind of        idiot decided against that    

    *unaccountable

    Almost, certainly         the same one that decided to bring the other one           unaccountable

      Into the situation

    Aka our toxic “love birds”   of stupidity

   Stop that droid...

   My master....       Will find a cure        For the      virus

 Wasn’t the cure already found?

 Like,      Everyone’s still alive

  And, we have recollection of it

  (Which wouldn’t be possible...)

   Dead yet

    Yeah          let’s drag her into a virus affected room without any knowledge

    Contaminated

    Again,  these fuckers decided to takeoff       their helmet

    Is there no regulation??

   Like, if they die      it’s on their own screwup

      No sympathy

   *Like I want them to reach a healer and       be held      ac        -countable          If     anyone       can       and      wants         to         is     another     argument      entirely

  Healing       is      not       a   guaranteed     ability

  In    the   direct     line       of   productivity     you   shouldn’t      be    fucking    around     with     things       that      could       get      you     killed       or     mother     nature

 So someone that will heal you from your   own   unaccountable   actions

Is   not     a   guarantee

 Like    with    food     or    water

  Move them away from you for Jesus Christ sake

   Like, seriously

   Neither of you are healers...

   And Ahsoka can’t assume accountability

   Aight,      Back to this      Scene 

   Right,         Okay

   Treachery

   Great...

   Antidote

   I think I found the answer for you

   No shit

   Okay,          the         ....      The captain of the guard doubles as a       healer

    Good for him

    Good to know he has that ability

    Rep        Syrup

   Aight

    Iego?

    ....

  Okay     bullshit     movie

  Compatible         cures           can            only              be             found                on               planets                 with              compatible              eco- ology

           Meaning                the cure              (the best cure)              (Or healer)               Should be              on planet

           Possibly                near                  the                  area

              Point being                     this should be on                     planet

                 And a great chance to show some nice        scenery

                And use the new queen

               And show Amidala reacts to how things have changed since she became senator...

I’m   disappointed

 That’s why most    find-a-cure- missions

 Because why would    planet fuck it have     a cure    for an   incompatible species?

You can’t   just toss    that thing up

 Deep separatist     controlled        space

   Seriously?

    Does    no one have a      greenhouse?

 (Herb     focuses       aren’t     necessary,        but I did figure there’d be one gardening       person!)

   Move cautiously

    Seriously,          Is there           no      Active     Healer        Focus-       Es-      Or    even      a    herb    guy?

 (It’s possible    it’s just really     weird)

 We did see doctors

 I mean.       Why       Can’t         You        Send      One       Of           Them?

      Like the system’s already    enabling

      You’re telling me there’s, not,  like one      neutrally enabled          herb          guy          That isn’t just like               Yeah, dude      what did you get into..?  

        Oh shit, yeah let me throw some reet wood on that, dude

       Again,          Possible

       Just out        of the ordinary

  “There’s no time         for caution,”

    Whoa, whoa, where did that come from?

   NOW he’s scared about      Ahsoka??

 (Like normally       (And I mean normally is in        Ahsoka not being an abomination of nature,        That would be kind of normal        And a reason to       fret, because        We don’t know- if that        kid will survive)

   But-

   It’s really un      earned  

  -Just      Every    where

   No humanity      to any of      this

  “And so is      Padme,”

   Obi-wan         Narrow      -ing      eyebrows

     Seriously?

        Like even by your own rules you should care about your        senator

      This is just   really un-earned

       Like,         You did no part to earn       that,  movie

  You didn’t set up Obi-Wan is a demanding       and/or intimidating individual

  You didn’t set up Anakin as a child following orders and having to correct at said orders/responses

      Or

An adult that is continuing to enable Obi-wan’s behavior

   You haven’t even set up     whatever Anakin/Padme      ‘s relation-ship          is supposed    to be

   You’ve been writing       (and having them            acted)             Like some          alien hybrid        that’s only job         is to be       an asshole

   As such I can’t take any of this with          any bit of seriousness

   The tone struggling on light         unrealistic-ness

     You need some hum       -anity

  Cause those things      aren’t human

  “ it’s a suicide mission     once we contain the virus,”

    Are you     actually going to start doing that?

     Letting them die out             Or              Getting a damn            Healer?

   -troops

   Aight

   Also how deadly is this    thing supposed to be?

   [The thing about healers      that makes them so specific,        There’s A) having access to the plant of       whatever you fecked with        (Having        Herbs on        deck when      you       do)          And the knowledge of which       plant will actually fix the problem   

    (Exclusive to           them.)

    Also,              The willing      -ness]

    Point             Being;         How rare is ibuprofen?

    There are no other medics

    And, you can’t toss them          down some food?

    ....

    Like, seriously

     What are your troops    even doing?

     (They don’t seem to be quarantining!)

     (I concur)

  Seriously,      

   Okay,

   Also, yeah, how’s that awkward car ride going to be?

    ....

What-ever

    No show of Obi-wan as he used to be

   No actual resent-ment from Anakin

         The main reason    most people decide to enable

   Just...        Hey, they’ll be fine!

     (Nothing told]

  “ if we suc       -ceed,”

   Again you set up no     risks-

   This thing could kill them      today or      tomorrow;          I have no idea

      I don’t

     Oh, ok   now there’s other droids!

    [This is getting very        heavily bullshit]

     Also you’re trusting       basically clankers            to open the door?

       Good for    you...

     “How we going to get out?”

     “Not our  problem,”

    Well, there        went any medium         of slight risk

      Neat

   Dude,      cou-      ghing

Seriously,  winner,           of the Darwin award          over here

        (Why?)

       Whelp

        Oh they’re standing right behind the      child      how nice

  My pity is       feckin minimal

    Okay

    We’re right outside your safety room

   Okay, great

     ‘ can you get the door open,’

      Oh, yeah that’s great

   Like not only should we let the     de-adly virus into the room

    Let the vulnerable      child get the door

  Great job         Amidala

  Any other        Babies        You       want         to      murder?

   “ go     ahead       Jar-         jar,”

   Did you ask the      other kid       to do it for you

    Fecking brilliant

      Didn’t even try to see if Rex and their others were wearing the helmet

   Just....    

   Amidala            Trash

   (Where        she      belongs)

    (You cannot convince   me           she isn’t the villain)

    “i’m sorry Ahsoka”

  For     what,     endangering         a     child        (To    possible     death)

    Because that’s the only reason that         she     would       be   apologizing

  Here;      it    makes     no    sense

 “ we still have       a     job      to     do,”

  No you don’t

  You heard the   droids...

   They don’t give a   shit...

   ....

  Emm

  Able

   Oh also now everyone has their      helmet      off

 Winners of the Darwin award,         This Squad

    Now      they’re          on

     Geez, that really    helps...

   ....

  Cutting through the     wall,..

   And now they care....

  This episode    really is setting       a bad       example         For        What       Justifies       Using         A         Ret-        Conn        For         ...     Okay someone’s helmet’s going to get broken...

  Aight

  Ahsoka is just plain      fecking fine

  Good to know that I will never have to worry about       her this entire episode

   Don’t open      that hatch?

    Again,           how?

   They....

  Hmm        ....         Aight

  This

 Grave- yard

  Those are       rocks

  Now their        ship parts...

  Okay

  Simple      Enough...

   No        AA       Guns

 Aight

 alright     don’t       try        to       land     anywhere       subtle

  (Not like in an unidentified ship Landing in the port will raise any    questions)

 (Obi-wan       loves       conflict)

    See?

    You       can’t        not     notice      that

 Every       one       is     down        for    murder

 (Specifically       of        the        roombas)

   Death     roombas

  Anakin

🎵 No emotion 🎵

     None       What-so-ever

  “Welcome to         Iego,”

     Not...    Death     Roombas?

   No          Guns....

  ANAKIN!

.............. ......           WTF

(Anakin’s      an    asshole!)

(Like     I don’t care how they try        to play that off..)

  He’s        Irredeemable

  (Nothing      after this      is surprising)

  Like      they could’ve been     sentient

  And regardless      wrecking someone’s shit  (that isn’t made for practice exercises)

   (More then       five times!)

      Toxic...       Beyond redemption

      (Or anything else besides accountability...      ..)

    Not relatable

   Dick move

  Seven       Teen

 I don’t think   they were battle droids mate

I think they were just automated      welcome

  Anakin destroyed someone’s prized  welcome droids

  That they may just to make people..     happy

  There isn’t exactly a rule about property ownership...            Wait, yes there is...

   Don’t be a      dick!

   (Don’t be a              dick!!)

   (You can’t kick them from       society for it...)

    But...you can bar them from your place

   Not cool...

   Dick

   “18, actually,”

    Shut up.

    J.Bo

    Probably         the       owner         of        the   establishment       you       just     trashed...

   Dick....

  Droids...

   He has      a point

   Not a        Kid

   Really...     has       gone        off        the          deep      end 

   Rash

   No        ...

  Well     a screw in my brain has clearly come loose....

  We already have one badly written      child   character

  Two    in    doubt

  And    now    this..

 Hm    

If you don’t want to write decent child characters      don’t         write     them

 (And      I     mean         don’t       write                               them,         Child       Characters)

   Write          adults    

   (And      I      mean          do           it      properly,       Don’t          childify                Them

    And pretend          like they aren’t        accountable          for their          actions               ......         As              you            can           tell              I’ve            gone            to         some          thing           of             a             Tranquil         fury             state               Now       paying attention        after     Anakin     screwed         with           a        bunch               of      dude’s             property           .......     But there’s really nothing on screen to justify it

    Do        you     know       what    would’ve     been     better?

    If Anakin had actually run into a semi accountable adult, Who bought him from his establishment under said reasons, and that was the core conflict, with Obi-Wan talking to the owner,              And Anakin left to contemplate his action

     Possibly deciding to fix the droids,                  Not out of any attempt             for forgiveness,

     But just because

     Showing            the          realization of the effort it takes to                                                             make                                                           something

       Or        possibly      deciding             to        destroy         them         more

   Showing        his       shift       from        his           original        state

   Possibly         some        resentment          towards          his         origin

      And..  how a good thought can be twisted it into a          bad action

  Children         aren’t        spoiled

   They repeat actions         they have            have been            ordered          to       repeat

    The giving of initiative          to this child

    Makes me       worried that       writers are      victim blaming         Children

 And a popular ‘look at this spoiled brat, he’s clearly responsible for his condition,’ ‘Isn’t that funny’ attempt to dodge responsibility, when in reality it has never been funny, always toxic, And it says nothing good about the medium or the writer who decided to write it 

 Even writers to attempt to mock this trope, Are in thin leniency,     

Because       the     only     way      to    stop    seeing      this      Trope,        is        to      stop      writing         it

    So        it      can      die

  Where       writing         like       that     belongs

   You        know      what     would         be      interesting?

    And adult character      written       like         that

   (Because         adults         are       actually       capable          of         malician

     Unlike       children

     Much          more       realistic

     Much         funnier         for      everyone        involved

 (Including       the      audience)

    And    without       that      pesky    concern that         enabling (and encouraging) the thoughts that children are capable of     malacian              And should be held to the same    standard               Is      Morally        Wrong

  Now continuing on with the   story

   “Droll,”

  That..     Poor      Droid

   Planet

 [you know it would make a lot more sense for him       to be here alone         If he was an adult

    And for “Droll”          , to leave a rich millionaire         on an uncharted planet            Alone.                 ......    

   Continuing            on...

     ....

[you are here         how child        who shouldn’t        be capable          of intuitive]

     50 tried         50 died

       How long have you been around to          see that          happen?

       Droll

       Why?

       You         have           to         get          a        plant

     Nothing           About

    [also how much cooler do you think it would’ve been if those have been   child soldiers and this was an adult just cautiously,         No caution - referen         -ing          How       they         died        like        a      sporting       event?

 Possibly showing Obi-wan’s        enabling side?

    Instead of        this      monstrosity?

    Ok,        we’re      here      now

  Don’t know where     those things came from since they just defeated      the battalion      before hand

  Okay

      Alright

    No        Risk

  ....

  [Some   -one      gave       the       child            a         gun...

      !

   Okay

    What            The          Fuck

     You         put        those       eyebags          of     “sickness”          back        where         they         belong        movie

     You’re        (Your)    Mary Sue        didn’t         earn        them

     And      showed         no       signs      before

   While soldiers in almost         complete armor were coughing up their lungs

    Senator’s         Screw-ed

     Show         off       those      eye-bags          of         death        now       movie 

     they       weren’t        there        before

     Anyway                .....

       ......

       Don’t             Care

        (Skip)

       (Emotionally!)

         Look              Fine

         Back             Here

         Why?

         Why             are             they              on               a             cliff?

          Movie,                you              didn’t               explain            anything

         Something                    .....                 Roots

           Vine

           Plants              don’t                 like                  it

[do you know this would be a normally philanthropic gesture, from someone ( an adult,) who seemed otherwise un-interested and     enabling of a bad situation

Here        It’s       Just                  🖕

  (Dropped          it)

      On          my       way         to       find        my    decreasing-

     Oh       there         it         is        at       the    absolute    bottom

 Because        I     don’t         give      a        shit-

 Teeth

  There’s no teeth there      animators

    Xandu

    Great

     That

      He        found         one

     Hope              on

     Whelp           (        )

      Good             Idea

        It Wasn’t

        ...

       We’re  back to the hatch

   Why

  Okay

   How do you know where they are   

how do you know there’s more

  Lots   of things being skipped over

  And I don’t have the time       to format them

 (Nor the patience...

    Okay

    Really       risking        it

    Argh

    Don’t.     Care

   Alright

    Yes   

Surprisingly

  Despite       all     logic

  🖕        This

  How    Specific      are       they

   ...

  What?

   What       was         I   supposed       to      get     there     animators?        (Or       voice       actors)

   .....

   Hm

  They didn’t hit the...

   Wtf?

   Okay

    Again why are the teeth     doing the thing??

  No explanation

   “Hurry,”

      It’s           Bed          Rock

      Screw            Cure

      “You             Made               It”

         Again            could’ve             been                  a              cute            moment                 .....            Instead

           Well                 Spice

            So                he’s not alone

             (Also how    with that supposedly big threat?

              That’s             supposedly             devastated                 several                ships

             Also      so his parents were some old time             Mogul

         What a been nice to have an adult             voice this

           Using the back water               as a justification

            Here;                   It’s just                nothing

              Left

              Can’t                 leave                   because                   of                   the                  cur(ve)

                Nice                 justification

                Would be nice if it came out of an actual adult

                  Instead of this walking horror        abomination of nature

                  Curse

Okay, movie    

you might have me back

Does the curse

 Possibly revert

 Him

  To a younger age?

   Cursed?

   Any one     going to explain that

    Cursed by who my    twitchy friend?

     No start with a          “what is the curse              ?”

     Droll

   “A Ghost?”

   Shut up Anakin    

There are       force ghosts

  Also- seriously

  We’re mashing            those         two tropes?

     Also why do you       care?

    You      have      people        to      save

   You      have        time         for      weird      curse        bullshi-         (Sorry          too       ag-   gressive)                Later

   Now          is       not       the       time...

    You      know       what?  

    Maybe         it         is-

    BECAUSE       THE       STORY        HASN’T      CLARIFIED         ANYTH-

        I         am         very          angry          at           the        story        right        now

    Mainly               For~

    Anyway .....       .......       Our          Protector

     Don’t fuck around with   magic

        Specifically                Luck

         Because it    wouldn’t exist if people are accountable

          And             the            world            does             not            deal            with          slackers            lately

       (Trust             me               I            know)

         Destroy              all

          Not very specific

          Also    what’s that curse about then?

         Cause             you’re              still              alive

       “Super-stition,”

          Obi-Wan                said               language

              Also Obi-Wan your Council turns into force - ghosts

            You, shut the fuck up                   (Lightly]

               Okay

    That proves     literally nothing

  Also “friend”,       He’s        severely      older than you

   Also I guarantee it’s going to be like an       AA tower or something

 Something explainable

  (Not a bad thing      it’s actually a pretty good thing on logic)

   Just saying   a lot of jumped beliefs

  And the kids shouldn’t care about it

 At most,  trained      to wince at it’s name

    Okay...

   Whatever old man,-

    Let’s go fight that monster

  (Or AA tower)

  Or whatever   it is

 Okay

  Taken as a   challenge

  Alright

 Okay

 Seriously    what is Droll??

   Aight          Okay

   “ blew up those   ships,”

   Besides an        electromagnetic          field             And their own incompetency?

      Okay

      Real we can handle

    Yeah

   Unless it requires him to be an     actual adult..

    Too bad    I really like those guys

     Children           can’t         Li-

   What-ever

[ How long till they crash?]

     Help

    More then he should be able to

    Kid

   The only acknowledgment of something that shouldn’t      exist

   Aka..

   THAT’S NOT A FUCKING, KID!

         Aka, it’s an abomination             of fucking nature!

                                     That’s                                         what                                           it is!

             Al-right

 Give him the com?

  And that’s when it hits him...

Like    I’m   100%   betting     (Not     Act-ually)       That       the       kid        is        “behind”.       it

   Aka        Shit   happens      right      after          he      asked  

   Meant          to          be      (dramatic)        irony

      But comes across as a kid          pulling the strings

   Okay,

    Not Gonna notice     that?

    Oh now you do

   What is it

    Okay,          how do they not know that’s what that is?

 Also, only for people going out

     Weird Separtist flex but Okay

So what       next?

   No

  Turn the ship around

  That - would be a good idea

  Destroy the-      satellite-

   Aight-

   Anakin, sees your odds-  

   And decides- 

   fuck yes you have a point

    Turn around

    Turn around

    Tell those guys what happened

     (Also all those previous       pilots just did not give a fuck!)

    Screw with the satellite!

    ....

   Leaving the planet

   Weird

   Again, weird flex

   ... But okay

     Back

  ‘They decide (not) to wear the shield like an idiot...’

   ‘Muddled crowd displeasure before dispersing’

      ‘wanted to hear squash’

        Some guy

        *some            separtist              guy

    Like all the adults know what’s going down in the circumstance and just decide to fuck with the foreigner

“Master,”

  Asoka   calling    her    mom

    Also no movie you can’t make me feel bad for               Ahsoka

       Amplify           the          signal

       How?

      Aight

 “Destroyed      all the droids    in the compound,”

   Oh yeah so now you know the    exact number

  Also, hey Amidala,         Do you want to talk about how you       scripted a child       (Out of the safety*            Of the chamber,)

    To fight your damn battle?

   No one’s going to bring up that          unfortunate implication?

  That’s not a mood killer            for you?

         ........          Open this           bunker....

        Why?

      Seriously

       The bunker...    Is not that serious a deal

        Seriously they were acting like this thing stays          infectious             for           forever

          Like it has infinite viability

         Also what about food and water?

       What about medicine?

  What about....

 Er...

Goodbye Aniken

I’m sorry   child killer   was I supposed to sympathize with you?

Because I don’t

Also, ‘goodbye’?

From cutting the com?

 Because literally   nothing else has been established about it?

  Heck Ahsoka’s been running around with no protection and           is not dead

  So clearly not that big of a deal

  Like     she’s got a light cough      (And heavily developed eyebags somehow)

.......

No seriously

   All she did was cut the com so       she could get some rest

  That’s....literally all that seems to be established

    (Yeah,        I know they’re trying to imply that she’s dying

    But you need to establish-)

   Power converter

   How is that going to help?

  “slow down Anakin,”

  Again maybe he can      maybe he can’t

     Literally nothing

   Or possibly been a good establishing moment       about Obi-Wan’s enabling tendency       (And disregard for human      life,)

    Or Anakin fighting against enabling          (Or the urge to         enable)

      But nothing

    “ they’re dying,”

   Or have a light cough       and want to take a nap

        Seriously      slow down you psycho

       “Two steps back,”

       Um, no

   Like,         this could’ve been a good moment

  About,        how Obi-Wan is trying to get him to enable or outright screw over the next generation

    Trying            to         stall         him             Under the guise        of helpful        advice

But there’s just    nothing

“Will to jump,”

  No, it     requires       the    personal    Account         ability      and      respect       (Of    yourself)       Mixed      with       the    sentience,     development        and       most         importantly,        Actualization             Of            An            Adult

    Which        the       tone        refuses         to      commit           to

    The conversation being as compelling as between two anthropomorphized blobs

   Refusing           to          Hold         Anakin       Accountable           For          His         Actions

                              While                                Obi-wan                                     is                                    also                                    let                                   off                                  too                                    light

[We    need      a      lot     more     mother      Gothal       and      less     kicked        puppy      dog)

   As     well      as    internal   struggle

(Obi-wan        is       not       the      hero       in      this         one,        Movie)

    There            is         no        good       enabler

  “At   least        hear        me     out        on    this,”

Yeah     listen      to     the   narcissist.           (One      who       is    completely       ok      with     child   grooming.)

 (Multiple   occasions)

  Citizens       of         a       Llego

  Oh so you have time for a     committee!       (This       is      why      you     don’t     trust      an   enabler (narc)     with      the     plans:

  They      are       far     more   interested       in     getting     approval          (For   themselves!)     then     actually      fixing         the     problem

   This       is       why         we      have       the      rule       of      five

   So    some    asshole     doesn’t      slow     down   productivity    (among      other     things)       because       they       can’t       get      over      their      ego

  (Or     the     benefit       of    humanity      over   themselves)

   All the adults already know this thing      isn’t a ghost

  And all the     kids can’t help    and shouldn’t be involved

  This is literally     just an ego trip      for Obi-Wan

  Nonsense

  And this dude

  Who clearly       Must’ve been      Alive 

  Or at least knowingly decided to spew this bullshit

 Because no one‘s first thought is the supernatural

(Seriously)

 (Who even bothers thinking about      that?)

  (When you have a life to live)

   (No hate)

 Just there’s plenty of time to contemplate     death

   (Don’t know why anyone would want to)

  Without, you know, screwing up everyone   else

   (Mostly)

Seriously, just don’t argue with    narcs

  Just send them to accountability        (Be accountable yourself)

    Okay

    Angels

    Shiny

    What

     WTF

    Why

    What         is     occurring.?           .....    

   Stole       our     moon

    ?

 Also   seriously?

   Is it really time for        prehistoric       chatter         about the long list of tox and baggage these guys have         accumulated?

     You know where the problem is, you know it’s probably uninhabited           (This place looks       pretty damn ancient)

      So, just...

    Look I know why Obi-Wan isn’t doing it...         But seriously a waste of time for Skywalker to be        you know   fighting his inner demons          About      enabling        this      bullshit

     As          an     adult

 Which      he       is     written      as

  With     actualization

 [              ]

  Long      sigh

  Minus        Prime

 Seriously       do      we     have     time      for      this?

   Also what about that some thing another guy

   Valley

   Down       The        Thing

   Nobody       ever      goes      that     way

 Now on a different   planet        ....      What

Milius     Prime          .......

Vulture    droids ........

Why?       .......

Don’t we have?

Argh      ....... 

my brain is honestly pretty fried at this point

That’s -  that’s   too many details

    ... most of them   irrelevant

 Remote    control

  Please...       Wrap            it       up

   Okay

  Alright

What-ever

  Just...   get it over with

  Lazar     Admitter        .....        Wait, what?

 When was a        laser admitter        Brought         Up?

   What          About         The         Milius...

  Why...

(I fecking hate             Literary           (And plot)      Littering

    Good       stories         live          by       Chekov’s              Gun

     Die          by       the    accountability      scale

   Which by     if two people die         then   two people must live        (Be born)

 And that gun        better be    feckin fired

Because that     information     takes up     valuable      space

  We were         Introduced           To the      Forbidden            Path       Thing... A while     ago

   On      the     same     planet

 (Supposedly   somewhere        in          the      distance)

 Now we’re    about to leave the planet..

 Where’s the      gun shot....?

   Seriously what’s in the distance?

  Oh   so there’s somehow water

   Also   everyone just fecking around

    Great,        I care about none of these characters

      Except            the          Baby

     [Where’s          Jar-Jar?]

      Aight

     What           a        waste

    Completely          their          own          fault

      And          yours’

     Child       killer!            (Or guess only     Asoka directly,)

        And dragged     Jar jar into the situation

        Like this is completely her      own fault

    “Born to do,”

    I’m sorry were you going for an actually serious     moment?

    Like that was actually a surprisingly     self-aware moment

    Shame we don’t know if that guy is dead

  Or anything   about the situation      That would      make it     even the      tiniest bit      stressful          .......     

    The scene and everything I think it’s trying to      go for

     Nah

    You didn’t earn it         .....

“Sacrifice,”

 Again, so he’s dead now??

  Seriously, what

 Who was that?

 How?

 How long?

???????         ??

  You       are      bad        at     setting        up        a        story

[The who what where are changes on a feckin dime

The risks,      as such,      Are   non-existent

And no idea

What the heck is going    on

[besides a basic blueprint    of what I think the writers are trying to pull]

 [from past experience]

 (They literally didn’t set up anything)

  (Anything)

   (What-so-ever)

    Must      believe

      Must believe in     feckin what?

      Padme told him not to open the   door

     (For fuck all reason)        

     ....

     .......

    What am I supposed to feel?

    It’s literally no odds

   No established risk...

   “Ahsoka!”

   Oh, she fell asleep 

    Feckin drama queen

Also you   

you did that

Good job      “Amidala”              The feckin       child killer               .....

  Argh

   Whelp

   Back to these frickers fricking around

Really     increases      the    feeling       of      those    nonexistent      odds

   As     well        as        the   completely   non-consistent     pacing       ...

Great

Okay

Just get it over with....

 What...

 Who things don’t look like what we saw   before...

Heck, they don’t even look like   vultures

“Vulture,”

 Alright

[Rolls-         Eyes]

 This works

   Okay...

   Aight

  Yeah       no

   Okay,          Guys..

    Aight

   Could’ve been out of satellite distance

    Kid

   Droids

   .....

 What-ever    

   ....

  Why are they celebrating?

  They don’t know shit happened

[or maybe they do]

I don’t have the energy to bother with   narc logic

Just let it end...

Aight

“That you’re-

 Dude     wrong clip      wrong order   

  ....

Aight

Okay

Yeah     Sure

Okay

Oh so now they can open the door?.

“Padme,”

  Aniken you are not a healer

  Your a herb-getter at most

   Oh so you have a very important person apparently didn’t have any      medical resources up to this point

   Kinda bull

   Opens eyes        [Not Romantic]

   That’s bullshit

  “I spoke with the medical droid,”

   Would’ve been nice to          see that

  Also, oh yeah well I was arguing     semantics about whether or not they had a healer  

   They totally did

   They could’ve sent it a medical droid

   Avoided did 90% of this bullshit

    Full recovery

    The dude who    hasn’t even gotten the Herbs?

    Or not distributed them?

   “I never lost faith in you,”

    Bull

     And the most stunted line ever

  [which would make sense for a          child soldier.]

     Adult?

       Unlikely

       Debatable

       Dubious

“None of us did,”

 Bull-shit

 And speaking for a lot of people

  That aren’t you

   [Authority         Assume]

   “ where we weren’t so sure,”

     [Show          Don’t tell,]

      “ well you did make it”

    Despite none of this being established

   Like I don’t think     she knew about the cure

   And specifically told you       not to

 [What kind of      tox....]

  Aight

  Okay

  By        the      way           ....    

   “Your padawan was brilliant..”

    The CHILD I recklessly endangered

 Ergh

  Aight

Whatever

   Get it over with

   General        skywalker

     Don’t         Care.

      My        Lady

        That                feckin        endangered            a          child

      [Two]

     Jar-Jar      surprisingly           still         ALIVE            after           that         incident

         I heard you were quite a good child soldier

        And like any other positively over involved groomer...  

          [Like I did with Anakin]

      Can’t resist         the temptation   

     to screw over another generation   

     🖕

  Training 

     AAAhhhh!

     I was just joking!

  Really starting them young      Obi-Won

  [He really can’t- resist

   The urge to drag someone into his     fucking-

        Obi- won                  Is                   A               Narc             Confirmed

          Feck               Him

          Jar-           Jar                is               a               child

            He            should              not              know               how                to               use               any             blaster

           [aka                Gun]

[unfortunately thanks to   Princess Amidala*

* she’s a Senator

*i’m just    very done...

 Aight

“ you did a fantastic job,”

  You did a fantastic job          Nearly dying....     You supposed to be defenseless child

    🖕

*Training

 Grooming

  “Yeah,”

   What?

    That was like a      goofy laugh

  “I probably do deserve,”

  Narc 

Children     can’t     have    attitude

 “But      not       all       of        it,”

  Amidala     also     deserves       credit         for     ordering        you       into      danger

   Padme,          high        five         for     endangering      children

  Seriously       who        is       still    painting      them       as      the     good     guys?

  They’re   Adults

   They-

   ....

[ “Thank you”

    For    fucking    nothing ]

....

 I think I’m going to use my     most repeated comment for           this episode; Not deserved

                             On that                                 subject;

                              It follows the same                                   pattern of the last two                                      Episodes

* One     that       is   constantly    changing,        Just      before        Strike     territory,        For another       formula        that’s          a      different      degree        and       volume       (type)         of    mediocre        and    problematic

     Saving it         from            a         strike           But          not            a       mediocre          episode

       Unfortunately, maybe it’s because it’s the third one to try this, special attention must be drawn to the fact that they have no idea how to do this

     While the bits that are pretty much           prepackaged are fine

       The rest         struggles

  Bringing to light a fundamental unaccountability           In accountability      By disregarding     what made it work in the first place

  And throwing in the trope haphazardly         (With no thought to it’s            (in)conclusion)

     Believing it to be sufficient enough

    Without any of the     necessary set up        Characterization        Or emotion

  With the mystery one, the set- up was erroneous, the “mystery,” rushed and over in 5, with the grace of a good villain

    With this;

    The “set up” doesn’t even get beyond the ground

    Screwing up some of the       key important elements

     - One; The cure’s on planet allowing for some environmental exploration, while maintaining realistic probability

     - Two; The deadline for expiration is explicitly outlined, creating tension

     - Three; The heart, comes for the fact that nobody wants anyone else dead and would rather see them be held accountable, (or live to be held accountable)

     - Fourth; The effects are semi-consistent

     - Fifth (unspoken); children are always vulnerable              (If a adult can survive it- neither can a kid- debatable]

        And also; (Optional) The cure is           seen distributed for a more tangible sense of relief

        You broke three of the five rules

          The three Most important ones

          As such;

          The tone, pacing and tension

            (Never mind the Heart,                     Which I shutter                           to think of,)

                        Flounder                               like                                  a                            (soon-to-be)                               dead                                 fish                                  out                                      of                                     water

If you’re going to do a     pre-established plot 

         Do it            right

  Don’t      cut   corners

    And make it as          manufactured               as           packing           peanuts,

         With              as              much             heart              (Emotional                Value)