#that's my world that's VERY loosely based on irish folklore

[imaginesbymonika]

Buzz cut season.

Part 1, previous chapter here

Summary: Sam looses his hair and his siblings can't help but make jokes about it.

Warnings: humor, siblings being siblings, mentions of violence later on), mentions of a dead mother and cat, mentioning of self destructive behavior

Pairings: Sam and Dean Winchester x younger sister! reader, Castiel x Winchester!reader (platonic)

A/N: This fanfiction is based on THIS post made by @myfandomhell <3

"Well, Sammy. There's no need to lie about it.", Dean speaks, while leaning back in his chair. He is sitting in front of his brother in the library of the bunker. On the table are multiple piles of ancient books about witchcraft and mysticism, however, Dean chooses to ignore them:" After all those years of begging you, I am actually very happy that you listened to my advice. You do look much better like this. Even though, I probably wouldn't have cut it this short, just-."

Sam closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose in pure frustration. After all, this has been going on for three days now. He takes another book into his hands and sighs:" I really don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I didn’t do it."

“Didn’t do what?”, Y/N who wanders into the room tilts her head, she places her pink “best sister in the whole world” mug on the table before sitting down next to Dean. He scoffs and playfully nudges her arm:” Our drill Sergeant over there claims that he didn’t cut his hair.”

It takes her a few seconds, but eventually, her carefree smile begins to turn into an irritated one: "W-What?" Dean, who didn't catch his sister's change of expression chuckles as if it's the funniest thing in the whole world:" I know, right?" Y/N clenches her jaw before she stands up again. She steps over to one of the large bookshelves and scans the old (and occasionally dusty) books. A few seconds later she pulls one out and opens it up. Her y/e/ced eyes skip over the chapters rather nervously.

"What's wrong?", Dean asks, still grinning from ear to ear as he takes a sip of his beer. However, when the huntress doesn't respond he turns around. "Y/N?", Sam shuts his laptop and blinks in bewilderment:" What are you looking for?"

His sister looks up, a worried look on her face:" You promise that you didn't simply cut your hair?" The younger Winchester wrinkles his forehead while letting out a breathless chuckle:" Hold on a second, Y/N, what-." "I need you to promise me?" "I promise." There is something flashing up in her eyes, that tells him this situation just took a dark turn.

Y/N takes a deep breath before nearly slamming the book on the table. The two brothers move closer towards it and for a few seconds they simply stare at the brownish paper, before looking back up. "What…what are we looking at?", Dean asks, while scratching his temple, his green eyes move back towards the pages. Y/N's right index finger finds its way to the little caricature:" This!" "And that's…?"

"Two days ago, while I was reading the newspaper I happened to stumble across an article about some guy who needed to be institutionalized after he started ripping off his own skin. He claimed, that a little goblin-like creature took his late mother's gold necklace.", Y/N explains:" I thought it was funny, you know. Small Goblins, taking people's prized possessions." She clears her throat:" Anyway. Yesterday, I read another article. A woman started to cut her arm off, declaring that she couldn't care less about her limbs after a small green creature grabbed her cat's ashes. She had to be institutionalized as well."

"So what? How does that have anything to do with me?", Sam asks and Y/N runs a hand through her hair. "Well.", she starts and sits down:" I looked into it, and turns out this little goblin actually exists. It's Irish folklore, and the opposite of that whole "golden pot at the end of the rainbow" myth. They're called "Cavecrackler". They primarily come during the night and steal something that's very meaningful to the individual in order to kind of bond with the victim. And then…"

Y/N stops talking and bites her lips. "Then what?", Dean asks, while Sam's eyes move down to the page. They widen as soon as he reads the last paragraph:" They slowly steal their souls."

#supernatural #x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #supernatural x sibling reader #x sister reader #dean x reader #sam x reader #dean winchester x sister #dean winchester x sister reader #sam winchester x sister #castiel #castiel x reader #humor #spn #spn humor

[honourablejester]

Celtic Pantheon/Campaigns (5e D&D)(Long Post)

Okay, so I’m just going to get this out there, because every time I glance at the Celtic Pantheon in the PHB I do giggle a bit. Mind you, it’s not anyone’s fault, but a couple of centuries of academics bundling stuff together under ‘Celtic’ has mightily confused just about everything, and it really shows here.

(Note: I have no academic qualifications regarding Celtic mythology/history/folklore whatsoever, I’m just Irish and grew up with a lot of the Irish myths and legends as a kid. This also means I know very little about the Welsh and other Celtic myths, just to say that in advance. This is all just what I’m familiar with from growing up and a little bit of research, and might have errors)

This post is also brought to you by my idly scanning lfg posts for Celtic campaigns and seeing a lot of historically inspired Celts-vs-Romans campaigns which is … doubly funny to me if they’re using the PHB pantheon list. This is because, as you’ll see in a minute, the majority of the PHB list uses the Irish gods and we … didn’t have those. Romans. We didn’t have them. So. Heh.

(We had Roman traders, especially around the Waterford area, it’s a relatively quick hop over from Wales/Cornwall, and we have evidence of Roman … tourists, probably? There are Roman offerings at various Irish prehistoric religious sites, in the Midlands especially. So we did have Romans, in the sense of we met them, but we didn’t have Romans, in the sense of invasion by the Roman Empire)

So. The thing about the PHB ‘pantheon’. It’s kind of borrowing gods from several different Celtic pantheons. ‘Celtic’ covers a lot of distinct regional cultures that are believed (I think for primarily linguistic and archaeological reasons) to be descended from an original proto-Celtic culture. For extra fun, there aren’t many primary historical sources for most of them, as in Celts writing about themselves and their faiths. Most of the texts we have are either medieval Christian (a lot of the Irish and Welsh) or Roman (a lot of the Gaulish, Iberian, Germanic, Brythonic), so there’s a lot of cross-cultural influence and interpretation muddling it up in there before you ever get to celtic-vs-celtic.

So they’re all Celtic, but they’re all very distinct in terms of stories, culture and the attributes of their gods. There are some gods that were broadly shared under similar names between various of the regional pantheons (Lugh and Brigantia are two examples), although they could be very different in portrayal between, say, the Irish and Gaulish stories. (Where the PHB uses one of these, I’m going with what name they’re using for guidance)

(The various attributes given to them by the PHB are a different muddle of influences again, with I think a lot of it being straight D&D invention, but that’s its own story)

So, to have a look at the D&D breakdown:

5e PHB Celtic Pantheon

Arawn  (Welsh)

Belenus  (Gaulish/Romano-British)

Brigantia  (Gaulish/Romano-British)

Diancecht  (Irish)

Dunatis (???)(Can’t find or remember this guy at all. Only thing I’ve got is that the Irish for ‘fort’ is ‘dún’, so maybe Irish?)

Goibhniu  (Irish)

Lugh  (Irish)

Manannan Mac Lir  (Irish)

Math Mathonwy  (Welsh)

Morrigan   (Irish)

Nuada  (Irish)

Oghma  (Irish)

Silvanus  (???)(Don’t know at all. I’m going to guess continental because I think ‘silva’ is the latin for ‘forest’, hence ‘Transylvania’ or ‘Beyond the Forest’, so the dude has a latin name)(… looking this up, he’s actually straight-up a Roman god, okay then)

The Daghdha  (Irish)(I usually see it spelled ‘Dagda’, mind)

This all shakes out as follows:

Irish: Daghdha, Diancecht, Goibhniu, Lugh, Manannan, Morrigan, Nuada, Oghma

Not Sure/Maybe Irish?: Dunatis

Welsh: Arawn, Math Mathonwy

Gaulish/Romano-British: Belenus, Brigantia

Straight Roman: Silvanus

So that’s more than half the list being figures from Irish mythology. And that … there’s nothing wrong with using them for an Asterix-and-Obelix Romans-vs-Celts sort of campaign. I mean, it’s your own private fantasy game, not a history lesson. Go nuts! It just … reads oddly to me. Heh. Historically speaking, very few people with Irish names calling on Irish gods would have had much cause to fight Romans. Not on any large scale, anyway.

Campaign Inspirations:

I’m going to just say, though. If you want a more historical and/or mythological feeling Celtic campaign. You have a couple of options. I’d say the easiest thing is to just look up the specific pantheons and cherry-pick your gods from there (there’s a handy Wikipedia list here)

If you want continental Romans vs Celts a-la Asterix and Obelix, use the Gaulish/Brythonic list.

If you want Romans vs Celts more along the lines of various modern interpretations of King Arthur, use the Gaulish/Brythonic and/or Pictish lists.

If you want Celtic more along the lines of full Arthurian, Excalibur, BBC Merlin, ‘dragons, druids, knights and romance’, a lot of actual Arthurian legend used Welsh myths as a base, so it’s a nice start, then throw some Brythonic on top (particularly if you want to do an 80s Robin Hood on it and throw in Cernunnos/Herne the Hunter in). If your setting is more of a fully mixed ‘Medieval England’ sort of setting, Robin Hood, King Arthur, etc, you can mix and match a whole bunch of folklore and mythology of various sources, Welsh, Roman, Norse, etc. (Alan Garner is a fantasy author who does this very well, if you want a high-fantasy example)

And if you want Celtic as in Irish myth to match the names …

If you’re going relatively low-fantasy for a more historical feel, use the Irish pantheon, and the sources you want to inspire the setting would be the Cattle Raid of Cooley and the Fenian Cycle/stories of Fionn Mac Cumhaill and the Fianna. The Five Kingdoms of Ireland (Ulster, Connacht, Leinster, Munster and Meath, with the High King sitting at Tara in Meath) makes a pretty good setting.

If you’re going more high fantasy, like the Arthurian example, use the Irish pantheon, and you want the Book of Invasions and the Battle of Magh Tuireadh as inspiration. Setting elements you can have here are the Five Kingdoms of Ireland, the Four Cities that the Treasures of Ireland came from, Tir na nOg, and the Otherworld. (Note on the four cities and their treasures: they were each guarded by a legendary bard (poet/scholar/mage), so you could go classic archmage wizard or you could throw in some high level NPC bards for fun)

There’s some very cool magic items in Irish myth too, like the aforementioned four treasures, the magic pigskin (waterskin) Lugh had the sons of Tuireann quest for (heals all wounds, but charges of various healing spells per day would probably work), the sword Fragarach (I think other D&D editions had a version, but I’m particularly interested in its sword of truth aspect that forces anyone threatened by it to tell the truth), Cuchulainn’s Gae Bolg spear, aka Belly Spear (which is made from a bone of a sea monster and is nasty – it basically grows barbs/spines once it’s in someone’s body), and basically every item ever owned/gifted by Manannan Mac Lir, who is basically the Irish god of giving away cool magic items (as well as sea god, trickster god, elder god, and the god often in charge of starting quests). If you need a quest-starter god or a god to litter magic items around your world, Manannan Mac Lir is your dude.

If you want a fantasy author that I quite like who does great loosely-based-on-Irish-myth high fantasy, I would say Michael Scott, particularly (from my reading) the De Danaan tales and Tales of the Bard. I also grew up reading Cormac Mac Raois’ Giltspur trilogy, which is an awesome kid’s portal fantasy involving some Wicklow kids winding up in Tir na nOg and fighting the forces of the Morrigan, but that’s pretty much impossible to get outside Ireland, I think.

And I promise I’m not only saying this because I personally feel like a low-fantasy ‘historical’ campaign is about the least interesting thing you could do with any of the Celtic pantheons. Honest.

#d&d #dnd #5e #celtic mythology #irish mythology #history #inspirations #fantasy

[lokeanwelcomingcommittee]

Hi! Um, I'm looking for a lullaby/song where Loki is thinking about his children- some say the lullaby refers specifically to Fenrir- but I only found a translated version and the person who wrote it told me that only the words exist now and not the tune. The English translation goes somewhat like "when meadow blossoms glint in spring morning dew" and I think it's called "until we meet again"- not sure, though. Have you ever heard of this lullaby? If so, could you perhaps direct me to some resources so I can read a bit about the original untranslated version?

My BS meter immediately went off, and sure enough, through the magic of Google, I found the link on Wattpad.

The writer’s explanation in the comments is...not accurate, to put it kindly.

It’s true that there are trickster figures in many Indo-European cultures, and many other cultures around the world. It’s true that stories about them may have originally sprung from the same source a very long time ago, and through comparative mythology, we can kind of get an idea of instances in which this may have happened. But only kind of. What we have of the Proto-Indo-European language and religion is entirely reconstructed based on modern best guesses.  

It’s true that there was pretty much certainly some cross-pollination with Sami folklore and Irish folklore with Norse folklore much later down the road due to geographical proximity.

But--and I cannot emphasize this enough--Loki is not Lugh. (He is also not Llue, who is Welsh.) By the time we get to the point where these myths are actually getting written down, Lugh and Loki are completely different figures with pretty much no other parallels besides being clever bastards (complimentary) at times. Nor do the most commonly accepted etymologies of their names have them as deriving from the same place. Notably, neither Lugh nor Llue have a son who is a giant wolf, and while I know there’s a lot of different texts and regional variation in the stories here, I’ve never heard of poems where either of them mourn a son.

And no, there’s no earlier surviving ur-text that fills in the gaps and unites them all, because again, once we go further back than Lugh and Loki as we know them, we’re at the point before these cultures had written language. We can speculate that they might have stemmed from a single Indo-European trickster figure, and we can incorporate that idea into our religious practice if we choose, but we have absolutely no hard proof of this, let alone the remnants of a specific folk song.

This “translation” is the equivalent of me taking some random passages from the bible, some random passages from Ugaritic texts, and random passages from the Egyptian Book of the Dead, claiming they must be intended to form a single cohesive narrative just because “Eh, they’re all Ancient Near East, right?” and then writing a poem in my own words loosely based on that narrative I made up, because, again, that narrative was never there to begin with in the original texts.

Also...consider this. If the melody doesn’t survive and the lyrics supposedly exist only in bits and pieces, how the hell does this “translation” have specific syllable counts for the humming? If it’s as old as it’s claimed to be, why is the humming even written out like that?

It’s a piece of devotional creative writing. Perhaps one written while attempting to channel Loki, perhaps not. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But it's not a translation of an attested work and should not have been implied to be a translation of an attested work.

- Mod E

#Anonymous

[malakia215]

Think fast! What's your favourite mythical figure/ deity / beast and why? (Syu wanna learn more mythology)

Which mythology????

Did I expect this to take me two+ hours to type up? No. But you asked for this.

Egyptian it has to be Ma'at. Ma'at is the goddess that uses her feather to balance an individuals heart on Anubis's scales when they are in the after life. She is a goddess of balance in the universe. Idk I have just always been attracted to her as a goddess that I enjoy. In Greek mythology, there is the tale of Persephone and Hades. An oldie but a classic. Also if you like so good 2D platforming there is this game I LOVE. An indie game called Apotheon. It deals with a lot of Greek mythology in a fun game. But also there is just so many tales that it is hard to choose. In Roman mythology, I really enjoy the Romulus and Remus tale. Again, pretty classic but it is interesting that the founding of Rome was established based on twins that were raised by a shewolf (and also a little sad because one twin killed the other). Also, if you are interested in tales/stories the Metamorphoses and the tales of Julius Caesar are very good. Going further North, we have even more tales: This one isn't mythological or anything but there was historically a Celtic queen that united the Celtic people and revolted against the Roman invasion. Boudica! The Romans HATED her because she was a thorn in their sides and I RESPECT her for it as well as her leadership skills. Celtic also ties very closely with Irish mythology and there is a tale of Cú Chulainn. I learned about him from MiracleofSound video. If you want some good folk metal and to learn his tale I would def check it out! Celtic, Scottish, and Irish mythology deals heavily with Nature so there isn't a specific sort of tale I could give you. (that and I haven't looked much into it as I was more interested in the history and culture of the people). Also, there are many tales of creatures and the like that are region-based so there are just soooo many. I did do a KakaIru fic featuring two of the legends but haven't explored more. Norse mythology is pretty much the same with my knowledge though I do know some stuff thanks to the likes of God of War 4 and (loosely) Marvel movies. You have the Valkeries that ride into battle to carry those humans that gotten a spot in Vahalla (cause who doesn't love that?). But again, this is just one of those pantheons that there are so many good tales it is hard to choose from. If you move further to Asia, there are a lot of tales. Mostly the stuff I have looked up revolves around death, like the pocong- a ghost in a shroud whose origins are from Indonesia. If you would like some spooky tales (both supernatural and otherwise) I would suggest checking out Lazy Masquerade . Also, yokai are very fascinating. Cause Yokai aren't technically monsters in the typical sense of Western Standards. But if you want to learn more about them, I usually go to this nifty website. Moving over to North America there are Aztec legends. I don't know much about them either except for what I know from the MOBA game Smite. Quetzalcoatl is one of my favs that I have learned about but there are many more Aztec gods/goddesses. There is also the tale of the founding of one of their major cities: "The Aztecs claimed that an idol of Huitzilopochtli had led them south during their long migration and told them to build their capital on the site where an eagle was seen eating a snake. The cult of Huitzilopochtli was especially strong in Tenochtitlán, which regarded him as the city's founding god." 1 2

This is also where the Mexico Coat of Arms comes from.

Moving up, there are Native American legends. Once again, the legends I know of are really spooky stuff. For some good tales, you can listen to Mr. Sinister. He does tales about Skin Walkers and Wendigos. But there are also beautiful tales such as Where the Two Came to Their Father. It is a tale of the Navaho People and used during War Ceremonies. I am not well versed on it fully but the story was told to an author to ensure that the legend would live on as (sadly) it wasn't passed down often. This leads into a WHOLE bunch of shit which isn't the focus of your question. That can be a totally different topic of cultural annihilation through the destruction of folklore.

And then moving FURTHER up there are tales from the Inuit people. This isn't something I am well versed in and I won't pretend I am. But it should be mention because it is the focus of some games like Never Alone (which I still need to play). I'm sorry I can't give you more but I am sure there are some wonderful tales for you to explore if you desire. Then there are tales that I have learned off hand. Such the Finnish tale of how the Aurora Borealis came to be. I learned it thanks to this video that was inspired by the tale.

And then if you want to learn about some spooky stuff all over the world you can do a check of this playlist. Has a lot of spooky urban legends for you to explore in a quick top 10 format.

This list doesn't include many different cultures. There aren't any from African countries or Australia or India or Middle Eastern countries or A WHOLE BUNCH OF AREAS. fikfnafjvnjafndvasdnf SO. Did not expect this to be so long but I hope you found some answers and something to explore :D

#mythology #folklore #urban legends #history #I do not claim to be an expert #this is just hobby stuff #and I am rusty on some of the older stuff #sorry #mala rambles

[the-mf-bread-babies]

1/8/20

VOLUME FOUR, PART TWO~!

WHO ELSE IS WRITING IT?! ROCCO NORTH, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER ONE

I CHANGED MY MIND HE DOESN'T GET KIDNAPPED lmao

After their work in protecting the house, the family went to bed. Well, except for Aaron, who watched Damon sleep just in case he died or anything.

The next morning, they woke up peacefully, to the sound of–

EXPLOOOSIIOOONNSSS!!!

Well, SHIT !!! Aaron, passed out from tiredness was still sleeping on the floor, though. “Aaron!! Wake the hell up, there's bombs!!” Damon shouted, repeatedly slapping Aaron's face. “Huh…?” Damon gave up and dragged his dad across the bedroom floor. “Hey, hey, I can walk, dude,” Aaron assured, slowly standing up.

A loud boom echoed throughout the house, alerting them even more. Although, it didn't seem like it came from an explosive, but rather, an impact. Their first thoughts were that NULL was using a battering ram on their front door.

The family assembled in the basement, equipped with weapons and protection. “So, what the hell's goin’ on now?” Gabriel asked. “Man, I thought you were gonna explain it or something.” Damon sighed as he looked at the others. “Dennis?” “I literally was friggin’ shaving when I heard the sounds?” he uselessly explained. “I was performing satanic rituals for the plants.” Lan confessed. “Okay, dad, but seriously, where are these guys?” Aaron grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

CRASH!

A hole formed in the stone basement ceiling as it came crashing down, sunlight shining into the area. A small woman whose grey hair covered her whole body to her knees swiftly emerged from the rubble, dusting herself off and hopping back outside.

“Who. Who was that.” Gabriel asked. “Do we have banshees here?” Lan added. “To my knowledge, the only ghosts related to Irish folklore in this house are the deer leg ladies and the lady who keeps using the washing machine to wash medieval armor.” Aaron explained. “Other than that, nada,”

The family halted their conversation as they heard the sound of multiple people screaming for their lives. “Okay, well, what's that?” Gabriel asked. “I– Dad, I don't even know where the rubble lady came from!” Aaron whined, the screaming still in the background.

ace: “die, bitches!”

“Yeah, pretty sure that's not NULL,” Lan pointed out. “Their agents get shot on sight after using foul language.” He revealed. “Really?” Damon asked, thinking about how bad of an agent he would be if he was recruited. “No, I just made that up.” Lan confessed, smirking. “Why…” Gabriel questioned, looking at him with a disappointed face. “Why not?”

nova: “OOH, A STUN GUN, OH NO!”

“HOWEVER WILL WE MAKE IT OUT ALIVE?!”

“HELP~!”

The four paused, noticing a third person in the fight. “Rude.” Damon commented at the girl's behavior.

sarah: “guys i accidentally fricked up the floor”

“do we have to pay insurance or whatever”

“also whats insurance”

ace: “it's a scam designed for you to die.”

Andre: “What Ace said. Also, pretty sure we don't have to do anything, since this place is a ghost town, anyways.”

jake: “mhm also theres probably horses or w/ever so watch out for that lol”

orc: “I SAW A PILE OF FROGS EARLIER”

j: “or that sometimes yknow”

The family peeked their heads out from inside, eavesdropping on the conversation.

o: “YEA BUT THE THING IS”

“I DONT KNOW HOW TO HOLD FROGS”

sar: “you have to like. gently carry those gentlemen around. palm at the side, fingers supporting their body and your thumb keeps them in place, orc, my friend,”

a: “ALSO SPRAY THE BITCHES!”

s: “yea spray them they like it it's fun n stuff”

andre: “Where. Where's the little froggies.”

j: “idk im scared”

a: “coward”

o: “ALSO SCARED OF FROGS”

“THEY ARE METAPHORICALLY CHILDREN”

s: “explain”

o: “SMALL AND CAN DIE EASILY ALSO WEIRDLY SLIMY AND SOFT”

andre: “Babies aren't slimy tho…”

o: “FLORIDA”

an: “oh ok”

“NULL doesn't usually talk about frogs.” Dennis pointed out. “They don't.” Damon agreed. “Also, they don't have members that tall. Or short.” Aaron commented. “Rebel gang?” Lan suggested. Gabriel squinted his eyes, staring at the group. “Last time I checked, undercover NULL agents, even if they exist, don't hide that kind of hair under their helmets. That kid next to the banshee there definitely does not have helmet hair, I mean, the volume and all…”

“hmm? i think those are peeeoopleeee” “guyss” The stylish hair kid pointed out. “cuz i dont think horses look like that!!!!!!!” they exclaimed, strutting towards the basement. “im scared” “help” “yall” “yall means all” they continued, facing their group. “Well, damn, Ace, if it's a horse, give it a carrot or something.” another voice said nonchalantly.

“meanie” “ill kill u” Ace threatened threateningly. “I CAN GO WITH YOU IF YOU WANT!!” A voice offered politely. “thanks nova!!!!!!! andre u can choke” Ace thanked, proceeding with Nova to the basement, the family anxiously awaiting them.

Ace had a normal, skinny, 5'7"-ish body, and they had a sharp jaw and small eyes. Their hair was brightly colored, with brown roots turning into an orange and then into a red, with yellow tips. They were wearing a gray vest above a loose black sleeveless shirt. Also jeans and shoes. Ace is not naked or something.

Nova, on the other hand, towered over Ace. She wore a trucker hat that pushed down her thick hair enough to cover her eyes, and it was tied into two big puffs. Her hair was dyed different shades of green in small spots, making it look like a small, bright shrub sitting on her head. She wore a denim jacket with lots of enamel pins stuck to it. Beneath that was a grey t-shirt, and below that were ripped jeans and UGG boots… somehow, in the amalgamated world.

“Hi! We're the Russell family!” Aaron welcomed, nearly giving them heart attacks by LOON∆ i should listem to that again. “What the fuck?!” Andre remarked, leading the rest into the basement. He was wearing a silky-looking black button-up shirt with a red tie with dress shoes, and his dreadlocks were neatly tied back. He certainly wore a fancy look for raiding NULL bases.

“Yeah, I'm Aaron, this is my dad Gabriel, my dad Lan, my husband Dennis, and my son, (no matter what,) Damon. We have 36 cats and countless ghosts here. Please proceed with caution, most of these babies are strictly indoors-only!”

The group stared at them in shock, unable to believe anything Aaron just said. “How… do you get… 36 cats…” Andre asked. “We used to have a pet shop. It fell down, though, so that's that.” Dennis answered casually. “like. how. like fell down into space” A blue-haired man asked, earning him Damon's full attention.

“Yeah, into space.” Gabriel said. “Just straight down.” Lan elaborated, “No stops or anything, just ZOOP!” “Yeah, that's why we moved into a haunted mansion.” Aaron added. “So, what group are you guys in?” he asked, making a head shoot up in surprise from one of them.

He had gelled blue hair parted in the middle, and his right eye seemed like it had something inserted in it. He wore a dark blue denim jacket with ripped off sleeves and very short, tight jorts. He also had black wristbands, indicating a past emo phase. Or one that's still ongoing, as made obvious by his combat boots.

“oh its kinda indie u guys. u guys probably dont know it :,(” The blue-haired man said sadly, pouting. “We're called the…” Andre began. “C'mon, Jakey, say it.” “no its dumb” he grumbled. “skullsmashers. it's because we smash people's skulls. metaphorically.” Ace explained, asking Jake for confirmation. “right, 8-ball?”

“we really dont......” Jakey/8-Ball said sadly. “Oh, you named us this, Jakey, honey,” Andre contested. “So why can't we smash people's skulls? Like, clearly, I can take the emotional trauma or whatever, as long as it's NULL, or hell, maybe even some dipshit, I can do that.” he added softly.

“Ah, pretty sure they're not NULL,” Lan said, smiling. “So, did you kill them all of them or what?” he asked as he raised his weapon, a mace he was somehow managing to hold with ease. Like. A mace with spikes. Ace nervously played with their hair, sporting a terrified face. “what!?” they exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. “We can definitely take care of them. How do you think this place is officially a ghost town?” Gabriel asked. “Setting up traps and making friends with the local ghosts go a long way, y'know,”

“There's fucking ghosts?!” Andre exclaimed, pulling out daggers from under his arms. “Yeah, but they're nice, so it's okay.” Damon explained with not a trace of fear in his eyes, making Andre slowly put the daggers back in. “Oh, by the way, if you guys see an arm there, could you get it for me?” he requested politely, “And honestly, I'd like to make a pun with lending hands, but I can't seem to put my finger on which one I'd make.” He added, raising his bandaged stump.

“Oh, Jake, don't–” Andre warned before Jake fainted instantly from seeing the bloody bandages on Damon's wound. “I'm sorry,” he apologized. The fainting had sent Aaron quickly went to the operating room, just now realising that he hasn't changed the bandages yet. “uh lemme go check if theres any” the small woman said, scuttling away. “Thanks,” Damon said before following Aaron.

Dennis, Lan, and Gabriel stood awkwardly in front of The Skullsmashers, not knowing what to do. “So, uh, whaddya do?” Dennis asked, folding his hands together. “gamign” Ace quickly responded. “Well, we each tend to go our own ways, but occasionally we team up to raid NULL bases and stuff.” Andre explained, ignoring Ace's statement. “What about you guys?”

“Ah, so I like gardening, and also do some baking from time to time, and Gabriel here used to be a traveling psychic, but now he tends to help me with errands and chores and sometimes we communicate with the ghosts here. Dennis and Aaron used to run a pet shop near here, but now Dennis does some farming, and Aaron spends his spare time caring for our pets.” Lan explained.

“And I do the groceries! And all the other stuff that involves going outside,” Damon intervened, coming back with an anxious, squeaky-clean Aaron. “Which is why my arm got cut off.” he revealed, sitting down on the wooden floor. “ok im back did i miss anything :'//” Jake asked, waking up from his faint earlier. “… we'll catch up later.” Andre replied.

“arm!!!” The banshee yelled out excitedly, waving a cooler back and forth. “Great! Just toss it down,” Aaron said happily, reaching his arms out. Seeing this, Damon ran to the operating room. “Last one's a rotten egg!” he shouted, snickering. “Well, while they work on that, do you guys maybe wanna come in and grab a snack?” Gabriel suggested politely, eager to learn more about the group. “yea sure!! thanks!!” said Jake, who was joyfully running to the front door.

A large figure stood patiently outside the door, belonging with the Skullsmashers. It seemed like a gentle giant, tapping its index fingers together. It was definitely from another world. It had greenish grey skin, and its head was blocky and looked like it was separate from his large jaw that had two moles on it. Its eyes were big and white, and above them were thick eyebrows. And it was wearing what seemed to be a large, furry, ruff reaching his knees that were covered by jorts. Its shoulders were completely covered with a large spiky red boulder on each one. The creature was ten feet tall, and was very strong.

At last, the large doors opened with a creak, the sunlight from outside shining brightly into the house. It was the first time in years that the front doors were opened, and it was for good; they had stayed in there for too long.

CHAPTER TWO

A PROPER INTRODUCTION

The family and the group were sitting in the dining hall, awaiting the arrival of Aaron and Damon. A shit ton of homemade potato chips were strewn across a long plate in the middle as the main course. Lan had prepared a variety of dipping sauces and some napkins. They sat in silence.

“I don't mean to be rude or anything, but how… are you guys still alive?” Andre asked cautiously, starting a conversation. Gabriel dipped a chip in cheese sauce, then thought of a simple answer: “We really just hide and plant stuff. Also, we were really lucky.”

Nova played around with a fork, debating whether these people were real or not. Yes, NULL couldn't possibly use their precious budget to make intricately designed haunted houses with personal touches and residents whose personalities were very unique, as well as their relationship with each other, but, hell, maybe they can.

NULL always had a way to worm themselves everywhere, down to the place she stayed in, the people she knows, and, well, really, everywhere. Even if this family was what they presented themselves as, NULL could do lots of things to not only dishevel Nova and the group she was in, as well as this family, they can manipulate both of them to destroy each other. After all, that's the kind of thing they do– get someone else to do their dirty work.

Nova made up her mind, opting to ask them directly. “I also really don't mean to be rude, but given the large amount of undercover NULL agents and all the different ways they come as, I just have to ask… and this is a very dumb, and useless question, but are you guys in any way… involved with NULL?”

Dennis smiled lightly, understanding that this group was in the same deliberation as they were. “To be honest, we were gonna ask you that too at some point, but I personally don't think NULL agents would look this…” “well, they wouldn't, like… have wrists this limp.”

The room was silent for a while, before erupting with laughter. “You– you fuckin’ thought we weren't NULL because–” Andre struggled, wheezing. “No NULL agent would dress like that, Andre,” Gabriel pointed out, snickering. “Yeah, you think those idiots can achieve this level of interior design?!” Lan added, gesturing wildly towards every piece of furniture in the hall.

“… But really, to answer your question there, yeah, we are technically involved with NULL,” Dennis said, completely changing the atmosphere of the room. “We're classified as Class-4 criminals for, um, giving some of their agents here some mild inconveniences.” he added in a serious tone. “And by mild inconveniences, I mean a few cases of attempted murders, robberies, hauntings, and other stuff like that.” The group sighed a breath of relief, knowing they were both on the same page.

“I have to say, 45 cases of attempted murder and two cases of successful murder does sort of count as a bit more than a mild inconvenience, though, Dennis,” Lan said jokingly. “Oh, and remember when someone planted poison ivy that somehow mysteriously completely wrapped around the whole base they had here, down to the basement?” he added, grinning. “Okay, well let's not compare our crimes here, dad,” Dennis teased. “Everybody knows mine was the best attack yet when I trapped them inside the base by encasing it with raw eggs! somehow” he added, cackling.

The two families had a great time together, laughing and talking about their experiences in the new lives they lived caused by the amalgamation. Meanwhile, Aaron was carefully reattaching an arm to an unconscious Damon. After some hard work, he succeeded, and did his best to celebrate in the operating room.

However, at this point, he became too tired to do so, considering the fact that he alone performed an entire surgery. Still, it was a miracle for both of them. He waited for Damon to wake up and see the finished product, but he ended up passing out while making a celebratory coffee.

The two slept well and endlessly. The rest of the family, however, were faced with a tough decision to make. Dennis, Gabriel, and Lan had the same question echo in their minds:

“Would you like to consider joining us, The Skullsmashers?”

It was a question Andre always asked to those who he saw potential in, no matter who– or whom, no idea. They could be two friends living in a dilapidated house with rats and mice, or three odd creatures in a grocery store, or even some nervous teenager who suddenly asked him to kill someone in the middle of his New Year's Eve party.

It's not that he simply sees something out of the ordinary happen and immediately hands out flyers, but it's that Andre has been gifted with an eye for this type of thing– take, for example, the situation at hand.

Andre raids a NULL base with his friends. The fight continues into the abandoned city the base was in. His friend lands into a basement of a house. Sarah, the friend, points out that there are people living in said house. Said people are clearly weird.

Resident asks for his arm back. Very weird. Still little to no potential, except maybe for interior design. Residents invite them for dinner. Residents have knives and shit.

Potential spotted. nah jk lemme do this again lol

[TAKE TWO]

Okay, okay. Andre doesn't just see people doing weird shit and immediately hires them, contract and all, but instead he observes them further.

If he sees someone hurling flaming batons into the sky, that person does have potential, yes, definitely, but what kind? This style of combat could definitely be a possibility in their attacks, given the practicality and the ostentatiousness of it.

However, it's an art one could hardly practice. The perils one could face are far too much for such a display. But, even though it's inconvenient, it's still very useful. If there was a good amount of accelerant on the baton, an enemy could not only receive a strong blow, but the added accelerant will most likely set them on fire too, rendering them not only useless in further combat (unless they're a very determined individual) but also a potential threat to anyone near them.

And the fact that a person is employed as the weapon is more convenient than, say, a large flaming baton-throwing machine, which would be difficult to program and to bring to an attack.

However, Andre also has to consider the person (itself? themselves? idk man) in an approach. Maybe they're NULL, or maybe even just someone who wants to throw flaming stuff into the air with no deeper meaning or intent. Maybe this person is unsuitable for combat; maybe this person is an enemy or a rival.

The approach is like a job interview– ask them about their experience in the field, if they have any other [good points?? is good points the word], if they're okay with joining the group– but sadly, he lives in a world where anything wildly good or wildly bad can happen, and it makes the whole process a whole lot more harder.

So, maybe these people inviting them over for a meal might give them a new addition or two. Or, sadly, remove some members.

Will the Russell family join The Skullsmashers? The decision has to be made any second now.

• end •

[jewishphilosophyplace]

Ashkenazi Jew Off-White Christian Gentile

Speaking personally, as a performative speech act, I will never self-identify in public “as a white Jew.” While I am white, or some kind of white, and while I certainly enjoy white privilege, I do not identify myself as such. The term “white Jew” eludes so many scales of historical and social-cultural difference and creates so many disassociations for it to do anything but jar. First, it is not an indigenous Jewish category. Second, it flies against the principle of self-determination. Ashkenazi Jews become white people in America, but are Jews, even Ashkenazi Jews, white “like” non-Jews? Do they carry the same easy privilege as “other” white people? Or are they defined by a set historical circumstances and social constellations that are unique to their own situation and that have gone undertheorized of late?

Ashkenazi Jews are not POC, about that one can clearly agree. But are Jews white? I cannot speak “as a Mizrachi Jew,” and Jews of Color will dissent that, no, not all Jews are white. But can we at least say that Ashkenazi Jews and Ashkenazi Judaism are white? Is European Jewish memory white? Or, in America, are Ashkenazi Jews but a special shade of white, perhaps off-white, and always differentiated as such. Neither POC nor exactly white, Ashkenazi Jews are Jews, and off-white as such. As such, the whiteness of Ashkenazi Jews is a negative identity, ascribed to Jews by others, by POC. Ashkenazi Jews are not POC, and with that comes definite privilege and opportunity based primarily on skin color. That Ashkenazi and perhaps most Mizrachi Jews do not suffer with what POC have to suffer is an ongoing and systematic difference. Skin deep, however, this goes only so far as to explain the question of Jewish difference in a white racist society. Ashkenazi (and Mizrachi) Jews can be as racist as the next white person in America. About that the evidence is overwhelming. But is whiteness the sum of whiteness in America? Are there no other intersectional factors left to complicate whiteness as a distinct social category, factors that real and imagined Jewish difference might actually serve to highlight? In short, whiteness is itself an intersection, major parts of which exclude Jews and even Ashkenazi Jews.

To begin with, whiteness is a majority status, a “comfort” or fit into the general order of things as norm. Alongside places and things like mainline churches, fin de siècle Boston Brahmin culture, golf pants and penny loafers, martinis, the country club and restricted residential covenants, other emblems of white Americanness are the overstuffed lounge chair, the gas guzzling SUV, all you can eat buffets in Las Vegas, super-sized drinks. Comfort is a psycho-physical, political disposition. You count among the majority. There is no larger and more powerful thing out there to perturb one’s sense of self or place in the world. Whiteness in America entails that one moves safely and unrestricted about in a large world that extends beyond one’s immediate circle. Perfectly free and genuinely loose, without an iota of surface anxiety, one does what one wants, confident that everything reflects one’s image –clear skin, straight hair, clean hands, and strong legs. Are “American Jews” white like that? Do they stand out like that? Does that picture of white comfort comport with the standard experience or picture of American Jewishness? In America, this may in fact be so for the last sixty years or so, largely on the coasts and in other big cities like Chicago, mostly in those regions, neighborhoods, institutions, and industries that Jews tend to populate in disproportionate numbers. I am not so sure about the fit of Jews and Judaism into the rest of the country.

Next: unnamed in discussions today in leftist intellectual and activist circles are two essential categories that complicate stabilized questions about Ashkenazi Jews and race. Those are Christian-ness (not Christian belief per se) and gentile-ness. Amongst themselves, Jews of my parents’ generation were still quite fluent about the real and imagined kinds of difference represented by “goyim.” The children of immigrants, they would not have considered themselves to be white precisely because they perceived themselves in relation to gentiles. Specialists in American Jewish folklore can correct me, but it’s my understanding that by “goy” was generally meant white people, most typically the sub-set of WASPS. Were African Americans ever goyim? The s-word, a derogatory term derived from Yiddish was the special term used for them. Happily, there is a lot of discomfort today with both types of Jewish racism among liberal and more-assimilated Jews. But omitting the category of “gentile” from the discussion of Jews and whiteness obscures the fact that, at the intersection of whiteness, Christian-ness and gentile-ness are the two other dominant hegemonic social structures in this country. On one hand, this is complicated by the fact that the vast majority African Americans are either Christian or post-Chrisitian. Conversely, and it is an odd thing to have to say, if all Ashkenazi Jews were Christian, then they would not, for the most part, be Jewish; almost but not certainly, they would then be “perfectly white.”

It is commonplace to note that for most white people there is no need to name whiteness, to name themselves as white. Whites don’t identify as white except for the extreme racists, whereas garden variety racism simply presumes dominant, majority status. That Jews have to self-identify, to assert their difference by way of  naming it makes them more like POC than your standard white people. While this may or may not remain true for Irish, Italian, or Scandinavian Americans, the question of identity is especially fraught for American Jews as a community that is part of a people with a historically pronounced minoritarian experience and self-awareness.

The complementary fact that Jews are named as such by others, even gratuitously called out alike by white racists and by POC, usually at the activist fringe, makes the same point about the non-standard character of Ashkenazi Jewish whiteness. While Jews and even Judaism fit here and there more or less comfortably into specific sections of white America, one still wants to ask if that fit can ever be perfect in a gentile culture dominated by Christians, Christianity, and post-Christian gentile culture. The genuine “comfort” that is the sense that one take for granted the order of things that Ashkenazi Jews can and do enjoy as white people in America is subject to all kinds of disruptive shocks, when all of a sudden Jews get singled out on either the fascist alt-right or on the anti-Zionist left in social justice movements.

Despite everything that we know about real and imagined Ashkenazi Jewish privilege, what all Jews, regardless of color or personal life history, will always lack is the comfort of numbers. Jewish identity of whatever racial stripe is a small social formation. It is small vis-à-vis the big white world, and also small in relation to large so-called minority communities in this country (African Americans, Latino American, or Asian Americans) who together, very soon, will constitute a majority in the United States, communities whose members number in the many millions. With constitutional protections and promise of equal citizenship, America is a unique phenomenon in the history of the Jews. As a small social formation, Jews have historically been reliant on the larger configuration of a hegemonic “host,” whether or not they contribute to that social body, participate in that social body, and identify with that social body, enjoying or not enjoying privileges conferred by that participation. This participation is punctured by multiple points of disconnect between Jewish and gentile society (itself white, black, and brown). The Jewish community is too small to be white. There are simply not enough Ashkenazi Jews in this country to be able to count in complete comfort as anything but off-white, always at least a little different and sometimes very different than the gentile majority, depending always on social milieu. Sooner or later if not now and forever, there will always be something that calls a Jew out, undercutting the gentile comfort that lies as an essential mark at the intersection of whiteness.

http://ift.tt/2uYuINx

#uncategorized #American Judaism