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#that'll be done when i feel like it
kindahoping4forever · 10 days
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Hello friends! Just a quick kh4f programming note: I'll be out of commission for most of, if not all of today, as I'm having a minor medical procedure done. (Outpatient, everything's fine, dw! 🫶🏻) So if anything notable happens (fully expecting Ash to announce ai2 the second I'm sedated 😌) and I'm MIA... that's why lol. Try not to have too much fun without me! 😘💙
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thedreadvampy · 6 months
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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pig-e-on · 9 months
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final stretch feels the longest
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lisbonsteresa · 1 year
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doing horribly
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raksh-writes · 6 months
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Tfw I have so much to do, and so much I want to do, but my body hits me with the "is it a migraine? Or am I actually getting sick?" episode of the miserable sunday variation.
Fun :)
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I haven't done anything tonight yet bc I rediscovered Guitar Hero (damn I feel old XD)
but good news is I've only got 16 things left to do! by tomorrow, I should have more things in the queue than are left to be done, which is always a good feeling
I still have a little ways to go but DAMN I should have the askbox open in about a week! I'm so freaking excited <3
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candied-cae · 11 months
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And Who Are We At The End Of The World? - Freaks and Fools
Chapter 15/? - - - Read it on AO3
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]
Word Count: 9,634
Summary: While they await the final verdict, passing the hours by until the Hawkins Police decide what will happen to Eddie Munson, a few of them have some fun in his hospital room. A few others hammer out the details with the government operatives. And, eventually, the shoe has to drop...
What's going to happen so they can move on from Spring Break?
More ST Fics
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While most of the party was making their way to the high school, agreed upon gathering around one of the tables outside, one faded yellow pizza van was arriving at the hospital. Argyle got them parked, and Robin was swinging the door open for their two smaller backseat passengers to climb out. El, of course, was someone they already expected to bring. To make sure she didn’t get cornered somewhere alone while the others got things figured out. But Erica was also trailing along. She had promised to check on Max first thing for her brother while he was off with Dustin, telling the rest of Hellfire a good cover story for what was going on.
“Come along, ladies,” Robin grinned at the two as they hopped out onto the parking lot.
The older kids escorted the younger of them to check in and obtain their visitor passes and waved to Officer Nichols. He was posted outside Eddie’s room on a chair in the hallway, flipping through the morning paper while he sipped on a cup of crappy hospital coffee. He returned the gesture with a tip of his cup while Argyle hovered behind Erica, following her into Max’s room while she made her visit. The other two went for the door across the hall as Robin poked her head through first.
She actually had a particular question she’d been asked to extend before El came in with her.
“Heeyyy, Eddie?” she asked as she cracked open the door to the guy’s room, wearing a big, bright smile to hopefully win him over effortlessly.
Eddie looked over from the tv set quietly playing a cartoon. There was a second of confusion when he saw her face - only having expected to see El’s - when he noticed the expression spread across it. She had a suspicious kind of smile that cued him that she had a favor in mind,“ What do you want?”
The thing was that when Robin was getting picked up, the girl had stepped out of the car to say something before she got buckled in. Robin leaned over and El whispered to her something about when she had the sleepover with Max over the summer. That she’d mentioned wishing she could paint her nails. Max might’ve been a rough and tough kind of girl, but she liked feeling pretty and special too. But as active a kid as Max was, it would just chip off in no time. So the girl never really went through the trouble, even though she liked the look of them. And well… Max wasn’t really going to be doing too much right now… so El wanted to paint her nails as a little surprise for when she woke up.
But El had never even painted her own before, so surely it wouldn’t go very well.
So Robin had an idea.
She stepped a little further into the room and put her hands together,“ So, El needs to practice.”
“Practice?” he quoted back to her, his confusion coming back quickly.
“Painting nails.” Robin clarified,” She wants to paint Max’s. I offered to do it for her, but she really wants to do it herself.”
“And, what does that have to do with me?”
Robin hummed her words and came in just a little closer,“ Well, you don’t really need your hands, you know? Can’t even move them very far at the moment, so…”
“No.” he stopped her quickly.
“Come on! You’re not busy right now!” she argued.
With a wave of his hands, as far as they could while he was under the charges and restrained, he threw back,“ Offer her yours!”
“Mine are already painted! Obviously!” she told him, flashing her maroon-tipped fingers at him with a stern face.
And then Eddie was silent.
Considering.
Could he really say no? Even if it was being said to Robin’s face, it was really being said to El. And the girl did save his life. And she was kind of his favorite. And he liked Little Red. And he felt pretty bad for both of them…
“Fine.” He gritted out through clenched teeth,” But I’ll only accept black polish. Nothing frilly, or you’ll mess up my vibe.”
“I assumed that would be your preference.” Robin smiled to herself, pulling a bottle of black nail polish out of her back pocket that she nabbed when she came up with the idea,“ El! Come on, he’s in!”
The girl timidly joined them, her own hands tucked into the sleeves of her sweatshirt as she came forward to Eddie’s bedside.
He splayed his hand out for her and dropped his voice to sing a line,” I want it painted blaaack~”
He was hoping for a smile. Or a laugh. Or just, something to let him know he was funny and making the situation entertaining. But she just looked at him with a blank expression. And then her eyes drifted up at Robin, who was pulling up another chair, like she was asking for help with the comment.
“Come on. The Rolling Stones,” he explained, because maybe she didn’t know their whole discography, but she had to at least know the name.
But nothing. She just looked back at him, not even a glint of recognition behind her eyes.
“Okay, seriously? The Rolling Stones? You don’t know The Rolling Stones? They aren’t my favorite or anything, but geez- have you been living under a rock, girlie? They’ve been makin’ music for like twenty years.”
Robin chastised him with a gentle smack to his shoulder for expecting the kid, who had never been outside of a lab until three years before, to know about any musical artists except for her favorites. The two girls were getting sat down side-by-side on Eddie’s right hand when Arygle and Erica came into the room. They made themselves at home in the other chairs on Eddie’s left side and watched what was playing, which turned out to be an episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You!
It was slow work of the pair on his hand. Robin was showing El a comfortable way to hold it and get a good angle for the brush. Showing her how to wipe off the excess polish in the rim of the bottle, and how to start in the middle before working her way back and pulling it along the sides to make it clean and easy to keep on the nail.
“Doesn’t get very messy if you don’t stress and take your time. ’Course, if you do get outside the lines a bit, not a big deal.” She added and exemplified with his pointer finger, letting the brush barely slip over the side,” I just take my thumb and gently scrape the little bit off of the skin with my nail to fix up the edges, like this-”
“Ow!” Eddie complained and shot Robin a glare.
She ignored the dramatics to whisper to El,” It doesn’t really hurt-”
“Yes, it does,” he insisted,” You just dug your nail into my- my-” he struggled for the word.
“Your cuticle?” Robin finished for him.
“Yeah! And it’s pointy, Robin!”
She rolled her eyes at him,“ It doesn’t hurt, El. Boys are just wimps. Max’ll be way tougher than this patient. When you do hers, she won’t even feel it-”
Robin had said it quickly. Absentmindedly. For a second, forgetting that Max was in a coma and couldn’t feel anything at all. And El didn’t look like the words hit her too badly, but Robin started sputtering anyway.
“I mean, even if she was awake, she wouldn’t… Like, we all know Max is a tough cookie in her own right, and she’d be fine. And she will be fine! And girls really do handle things better! The whole ‘beauty is pain’ thing and- Boys really complain about this sorta stuff way more and…” she fizzled out of her defense and added one last note,” It really doesn’t hurt. Promise.”
El simply nodded back.
“Says you.” Eddie grumbled to himself,“ How many slumber parties you been to where they train you mini-torturers anyway?”
Robin shrugged and focused on holding his middle finger for El to try painting on,“ Oh, none. I just sometimes make Steve try colors out with me when I can’t pick one. But he’s antsy and always picks it off within the hour, so… I get lots of practice.”
“You’re lying,” he dismissed the idea quickly.
She just quirked an eyebrow at him with a quiet “Am I?” that left him wondering.
Before Eddie could consider her words much further, Argyle was leaning over to Erica and asking who she thought the bad guy was for this particular episode. Now, of course, he’d already seen it and remembered who was hiding under the mask. So did Robin and Eddie. But Erica thumbed at her chin and hummed while recounting some of the plot.
“Weighing the variables," she’d said.
And the conversation moved on. Robin passed Eddie’s hands into El’s so she could continue, and the room was alight with the discussion of a far simpler mystery than the one they had waiting for them in the real world. And El was shy about it for a bit. She hesitated to take his hand, and she was stiff and extra careful with it when she held it. Like his hands were delicate and fragile. But after a few minutes rolled by, she was sufficiently focused on her paint job, instead of the fact that the hand was connected to someone. She started to relax around them. Letting their conversation pass over her while she soaked it up. Listening, but not worried about answering herself.
It was comfortable and easy.
The rest of the crew was less so at comfort or at ease.
The folks who were sent off to the meeting had all gathered around a cement table with the slow traffic of townspeople around them. Some of them go inside. Some of them leave. Some of them were just milling about like they didn’t know what to do.
Nobody really knew what to do. This sort of tragedy wasn’t something Hawkins had ever been faced with. And even the people who knew what was really going on didn’t know exactly what to do.
They had the barebones of a game plan. The idea was to get some tapes set up so they had a shield or buffer between them and Vecna when they rode into battle. And the understanding that they needed to find a way to take to that fight as soon as possible, preferably before Vecna got himself fully pulled back together. But there wasn’t anything solid. Nothing to really stand on except shifting quicksand.
Which was a maddening reality.
Nancy was mad, in case no one noticed.
She kept finding herself mad, what felt like all the time.
It felt like she just had this hair trigger, and so many things set it off.
And now she was meeting with a woman who kept pissing her off. So surely she was going to get even madder within the next few minutes. But she was meeting up with her with Jonathan, Steve, Joyce, and Hopper by her side. And - if the way he kept his arms crossed and his expression sour after Nancy pointed out that they handed El back to Dr. Brenner was any hint - Hop would be right there with her on being pissed off. They also had Will and Mike. They tried to leave them behind, but they both insisted on coming with them.
They hadn’t been there waiting very long. Maybe ten or so minutes. Sitting silently together. Because they didn’t really have much to say to each other. Next to her, though, Mike sat with a bouncing knee.
Then, just as Nancy was thinking she would need to snap at her brother for being incapable of sitting still- three agents strolled up.
They were all dressed in uniformity: dark, neutral suits and trench coats, hats and sunglasses, glossy, black dress shoes, and the exact same silver watches on each of their wrists. They were headed by the same woman Nancy kept butting heads with. She walked in the middle while two men were just shortly behind. And she was the only one with a briefcase tight in her fixed grip. The other two didn’t have one, but when the wind whipped and their coats opened, she could catch sight of the holsters on their hips.
“This isn’t all of you,” the man on the left said in place of a greeting. He was a tall and lanky guy. Bushy eyebrows and slicked, jet-black hair that just barely poked out of his fedora.
“No. It’s not.” Hopper answered, though clearly not giving up the information the man wanted him to. Silently challenging the guy to push it. See how tough he really thought he was. Hop took a step forward and told him,” But it’s everyone you’re going to get. So, let’s talk.”
“Let’s.”
The woman cut between them, seeming to try and soften the tension, though Nancy felt like she did the opposite every time she’d seen her,“ Why don’t we start with what happened to you? It’s been months since you were presumed dead-”
“Eight months,” the guy on the right clarified. Shorter than the other. With a mop of dirty blonde on his head and a speckling of freckles across his cheeks.
Hop just shrugged and blew between his lips casually,“ Not much. Blew up the mall gate. Wasn’t enough to kill me. Russians came back. Found me. Smuggled me out. Threw me in a cell. Sat in prison til we snuck our way back over.”
“You say that like it’s simple-” the woman started.
“It’s the simplest part of this mess because it’s over and dealt with.” He declared,” So let’s skip to the next part: the bullshit happening right here, right now.”
And she didn’t really seem to like that answer. Probably something about paperwork and files that would be left blank or vague about his unaccounted-for time. But the blonde didn’t hold any argument.
“So, what do you know?” he asked, content with moving right along to the current shit show.
“We know there’s a problem in fair Verona. A disagreement.” Will spoke up. Having just covered the play in Lenora, the legendary dueling families were fresh on his mind. And the need to know if these people were friends or foes to his sister was one of the most urgent concerns he'd been thinking over time and time again.
And then, as if Mike was right there in his head, he continued the comparison,“ A disagreement about what to do with El. So, are you Montagues or Capulets?”
The woman rolled her eyes, and with an exasperated tone said,“ We’re in this with Dr. Owens. We know the girl didn’t cause all of this-”
“But we don’t know what did.” The blonde stepped forward to insist,” Care to enlighten us with what you’ve found out while you were running around?”
Nancy shifted in her seat,“ How much do you know about Dr. Brenner’s original experiment?”
“His data’s on a need-to-know basis,” he returned.
“So nothing? Or just about?” Nancy guessed. Enjoying just a little bit of how it felt to know more than them about the atrocities of their department’s precious scientist.
“The point?” the black-haired one pushed.
“Well - since it’s all ‘need-to-know’ at this point anyway - the first child he snatched for his superpowered kids game was Henry Creel. I assume you’ve at least looked into what happened at the Creel house a few decades ago considering the similarity in the recent murders?”
The woman gritted her teeth,“ Yes, we have-”
“Good.” Nancy steamrolled on through,” After those, the doctor got custody of him. Made him subject number one of his great experiment. Used him as the blueprint to try and replicate his… condition, in others. But, if the dead and tortured family was any indication, he wasn’t very stable. For some reason, or other, the doctor removed him from the experiment and kept him in the lab to keep an eye on him. Gave him an implant that suppressed his abilities. Henry didn’t like that. So when he got the implant out and had the opportunity to use them again, he killed over a dozen of the newer models and just about every member of staff at the lab.”
“El,” Mike jumped in,” was the one who stopped him from getting out by getting rid of him. She was stronger. Trapped him in the Upside Down all on her own. Practically by accident. On instinct. So he couldn’t hurt more people.”
“Sounds like a happy ending. Just one problem: what’s he been doing causing death and destruction over the course of these last two weeks then?” the taller man asked.
“It’s not been just these past two weeks. Every time we’ve had… an ‘event’ it’s been him trying to get back. Get back here.” Joyce informed.
Hop summarized the timeline,“ Three years ago, Dr. Brenner was pushing her, and she made contact in the Upside Down. Once Henry found out there that there must be a way to reopen that connection, he was. He’s been trying to claw a way back here and finish business. Which we’re all pretty keen on not letting him do.”
“Why- What does he want to do that we can’t let happen? If he’s just trying to come back, why doesn’t El just open the door and let him through so all the other things stop mixing in?” the woman asked, rubbing her temples.
“He wants to destroy everything,” Nancy answered. Cold. Remembering what he showed her. His promise for what he’d do.
The air of the conversation shifted. The three of them were finally starting to understand the stakes at play this time.
“It wasn’t just about hurting the people in the lab that made him a prisoner. He wants to get rid of all of it.” Jonathan explained a little further.
“What would he even gain from that?”
Nancy took back over,“ He thinks humanity is a failure. A calamity with faults so deeply ingrained in us that the only choice is to start creation, civilization, all over again. In his image of what’s right and natural, of course.”
“And- where do we stand with this? With keeping this from happening?”
“He needed to take four lives to open the gate and get back onto this side. We met him in the Upside Down while he was staking out Max and lit his ass up.” Steve answered with a slight nudge to Nancy’s shoulder for being the one to fire the buckshot right into his ugly mug.
“But it wasn’t enough.” She admitted,” Max died. And he disappeared when the gate opened, but El kept her from staying dead, so the gate snapped shut again. We don’t know what happened after that. He could be in some kind of limbo between dimensions, or hiding out somewhere here, or still on the other side. We just don’t know. Will can’t feel him.”
The blonde looked at the boy,“ You can’t?”
Will shook his head,“ Not like the last times he’s come back. He’s not totally there, sparking things up again. But he’s not gone. He’s still there, just… small, and- and it’s like he’s curled up in some corner. Putting himself back together.”
“And what happens when he’s got himself straightened out?” the other man asked, unkept eyebrows raised.
Nancy let out a remorseful huff,“ Best guess is he tries to brute force the gate back open with Max’s half-death. Or he’ll try to reach back over and finish the job. Maybe even go after someone new if he has to, but he doesn't like losing, so surely he wants to get at Max.”
“Which we won’t let happen.” Steve needed to say.
The agents looked… off-kilter. Like they’d been rocked off of their foundation for the first time. The first real surprise. They were used to dealing with weird things. Unusual, inexplicable things. Dangerous things. But this was a whole new ball game, and there were finally getting a lay of just how messed up the land was this time.
“And what of the NINA Project?” the woman steered the conversation, wanting to finish fleshing out where they all stood within the organization.
“We didn’t stick around long. But what we did see was a lot of bodies, a lot of fire, a helicopter fell out of the sky… and Dr. Brenner can’t hurt El anymore.” Jonathan filled in.
“Dr. Owens?”
“Didn’t see him.” Will said,” We’ve been telling El to take it easy after the fight and trying to find One again, so she hasn’t tried to find him yet, but she doesn’t know what happened. Didn’t see him after Brenner drugged her.”
“But the girl, the project itself, it was successful…?”
Mike confirmed,“ Her powers are back. Stronger than they were when they went away. But that doesn’t mean that this will just get taken care of with a snap of her fingers when we find him. She threw everything she had at him-”
Nancy threw in,“ While the rest of us were risking our lives doing the same-”
“-And all that didn’t finish him off. Somehow, he’s still kicking. And he’s going to keep trying to get back over here if we can’t take the fight to him and end it for real.”
The three agents were silent for a minute. Processing, if the locals had to guess. Trying to figure out what it all meant and what options they had. They all looked deflated by the time the woman spoke up.
“What’s the plan?”
“Wow, you don’t have one for us? Shocker.” Nancy cut out.
“We-”
“It’s so surprising that you are, yet again, useless.”
Joyce put her hand over Nancy’s to try and soothe her,” We’ll figure it out.”
The woman sounded humbled, quieter, when she next asked,“ What can we do?”
And maybe that was it.
Maybe that’s what Nancy has been waiting to see. To see them accept it, just accept that they messed up. Accept that they didn’t have all the answers. That they were wrong. They didn’t say it outright. That was probably lesson one when they joined the supernatural clean-up crew: Not admitting culpability.
But that silence. And the question that followed.
It did something. Took some pressure off the hair-trigger of Nancy’s rage. Because it meant she’d been justified before. She was right and now they knew it.
She took a breath and calmly asked,“ Can you bankroll a trip to the RadioShack and wherever else we go to for supplies?”
And the woman nodded,“ We can do that."
“And Eddie and Max’s hospital bills,” Mike added.
“And when two more come to town, we need to get their citizenship worked out.” Joyce considered the Antonov’s.
“And find a way to make sure the California Stowaways don’t have any problems trying to graduate after this mess.” Jonathan thought for himself and Argyle.
“And, if you hear anything from Dr. Sam, you let us know. You let us know if you hear anything about unexplainable earthquakes, demo-murders, or general Upside Down related business. The minute you know. So we all stay on the same page.” Nancy spoke.
“And whatever Max wants when she wakes up, she gets. Period.” Steve added.
Jim pointed out,“ And guns. We’d like more guns.”
Nancy quickly agreed,“ I second the vote for guns.”
Which brought a smile to Hop’s face. That girl was something all her own.
“We’ll start working on things.” The man on the right said after he was done jotting things down in a notepad.
The three agents nodded a silent agreement and were about to walk away when the sight sparked something for Nancy.
“This is it?”
“What?” the woman asked her.
“This. The three of you. This is all of you that’s left. Isn’t it?”
The teens and two parents looked at her and then between the agents when they didn’t have a thing to say for themselves.
Jonathan questioned it next,“ Is she right?”
“We-” the leftie was about to lie when the woman cut him off for the simple truth.
“There are two others still working on contacting any of the team that might’ve made it out of the NINA Project. But besides that, this is all. We’re it.”
“You used to be dozens with a fleet of vans…” Mike wondered in shock, remembering the insurmountable difficulty they’d been to dodge three years before.
“The Capulets have made times difficult for the Montagues. We got stretched thin, and most of us that were trustworthy enough to stay on the force on Owen’s side went to work at the bunker in Nevada. The rest of us came out here when things started looking hairy. Which… isn’t a comforting reality, I’m sure. But, if you focus on fine-tuning that wishlist so we can be done with Fair Verona as a whole, maybe we still have a chance at getting out of this play better than the lovers did.”
Nobody really knew what to say. But the woman stepped forward and spoke directly to Nancy for her last lines.
“We’ll keep you updated with what we know, and you do the same. We haven’t gotten along well, up until this point. But we all want this to be over. And we all want to suffer as little damage as possible. We don’t have to be adversaries in getting across the finish line.”
Nancy met her gaze. And for the first time, she wasn’t so furious at the green staring down at her.
“Agreed.”
And then they were gone. Packed into black cars and driving off to “deal with business.”
And Nancy found herself left with… a vacancy where her anger had sat. She still had plenty to be mad about, but the focus of it that she had temporarily shifted onto the government suits was now gone. And she was left dissatisfied. And the hollow feeling wasn’t enough. It didn’t sit in her, filling her up and taking up her attention, like the anger did. And then she had to wonder if she might’ve made the whole mess worse than it needed to be. At least a little bit.
They were wrong for being in Hawkins and not saying anything, yes.
They were wrong for letting El suffer Dr. Brenner’s experiments again, yes.
They were wrong for taking down to her before, yes.
But she turned them into a big, evil monster in her head that they simply weren’t. They weren’t the monster they had to defeat at the end of the day. But maybe she’d decided they were because they got in her way enough and were something she could fight against while Vecna remained a big question mark in her notebook.
So maybe she’d been unnecessarily mean, fostered animosity between them because it felt better to have a reason. It felt better to have something to be mad at and yell in the face of.
Maybe she should be worried that it felt better to be mad at people who didn’t completely deserve it than to not have anything to do with herself.
“Welp,” Hopper clapped his hands on his legs and stood up, interrupting her train of thought,” I have a Chief of Police to soften up.”
“Bribery?” Joyce asked him, just a hint of judgment in her tone. Not much, though.
“If it works.”
After a little while, El had moved on to Eddie’s other hand. She was far more comfortable with holding it and painting along his short nails as she was reaching the end of her work. There was some discussion happening around her. Not one that she’d been paying much attention to for the last few minutes. She had followed along earlier. But over the last little bit of time, she’s had a question buzzing around her mind she really wanted to ask that was distracting her.
“Eddie?” she spoke quietly, not wanting to stop the room’s talk even if she was stealing his attention for a minute.
He looked away from Argyle’s lackadaisical questions about life growing up in rural Indiana he’d been posing for everyone over the last twenty minutes. She hadn’t looked at him when she spoke, kept her eyes fixed on the pinky finger in her hold as she started its first coat.
“Yeah, angel?”
She hesitated, swallowing to steel herself before she just tried to push it out,“ Dustin said… he said they call you ‘freak’ too?”
And maybe the words themselves would’ve sounded like a statement. But from her, they were certainly a question. And they sounded like just the tip of an iceberg. Because she said “too.” And she said it softly and ashamed.
Someone made her feel that way.
“Does someone call you that?” he asked, voice gentle as he could make it. The other three in the room pretended like they couldn’t hear them, instead trying to paint a picture for the Californian of the divisive political nightmare that was the Starcourt mall when it was built the summer before.
El didn’t answer though. Just kept her gaze on sweeping the black polish down his nail. Lips tight together with a slight, barely perceptible tremor that said all too much.
With a sigh, Eddie pulled on the part of his character that he thought might help.
“Well, for the record,” he started, bringing himself all high and mighty against her sullen expression,” over here they call me ‘The Freak.’ So, like, the freakiest freak of them all, you know. I get it. I am a freak. I’m weird and off and certifiably freaky, and I like it. But, you little lady? You ain’t no freak. You’re super normal.”
She giggled at the idea. Couldn’t help herself. Eddie must’ve had her figured all wrong to say something like that.
“What?” He wondered, playfully dropping his head to the side to look at her,” People never tell the kiddo with magic powers she’s normal?”
She cast her eyes up at him as if to ask “What do you think?” before quickly putting them back on their task.
He shrugged it off,“ I mean, sure, the magic power part is, admittedly, a little off the baseline. I won’t lie. And the haircut. But I’d say that makes you way cooler than everyone else. I was rocking the tight buzz myself once upon a time, and not everyone can make it work like the two of us do. But besides those two very small factors, you seem like just any other little girl to me. Way more normal than miss Erica over there. First time I met her, she was already lecturing me about venomous knives-”
“It was one poisoned kukri,” she corrected, unable to keep the comment to herself.
He lowered his voice and leaned in,“ See what I mean? But you? Nah, you’re just fine.”
She finally looked up and held his eyes,“ Fine?”
And he smiled back at her, as bright and assured as he could manage,“ Yeah. Just fine. And even if you were a freak like me, you’d still be fine. I’d accept you into my beloved kingdom and show you that being a freak isn’t bad. It’s actually a whole lot of fun. I know we’re still new to each other, but will you trust me on that much? As a freak speaking from experience on it?”
And she looked kind of like a weight had been lifted off of her. One she’s carried for so long with no idea how to understand. No idea how to get rid of or come to terms with.
But somehow, being told she was normal, even when it still didn’t quite fit… it felt better than all the times Mike called her his superhero.
She was different. No amount of “but it’s special” ever got rid of the feeling that there was something wrong with her. And for so long, she would’ve given anything not to be the way she was. And yet, here this guy was. This near stranger that told her he didn’t find her all that weird. That he didn’t find it impossible to look past the things the lab did to her.
It felt nice. To try and believe him for a minute. To pretend like “normal” would be an option after they shut the door on the Upside Down for good.
And maybe one day she’ll be able to believe she doesn’t need it anyway. Decide that normal was fine and all, but she can also be a freak and still be just as fine because she chose to enjoy it. Eddie seemed happy enough in it. Even handcuffed to a hospital bed and having just escaped death, he was still loving being a freak.
“Yeah,” she decided. She’d trust his advice. Why not? It felt way better than the alternative.
“Good,” he remarked before splaying his hand to view for himself,” And thank you for my bitchin’ claws, kid. I’m sure Little Red’s set’ll look great too.”
“Thanks…” she smiled a little wider, capping the black polish and setting it down on the table by the bright orange they’d brought for Max’s.
“Of course. Surprise, surprise, she’s good at more than just saving lives. Though I doubt I’ll ever really get over the fact that you saved mine, you know. You would not believe the hell I’d have tried to raise if I died before I got to see Ozzy live.”
“Ozzy?” she asked, tilting her head with the inquisition.
And if he weren’t laid up and chained in place, Eddie would’ve tried to fling himself to the floor with a gasp.
“Another person who doesn’t know about the one and only Ozzy? God- you people are killing me here!” he groaned and writhed in his bed for effect, pulling another giggle out of the girl at his side while the rest of the room playfully rolled their eyes at his antics.
“Wasn’t sure you’d show.” Police Chief Powell said as Jim pushed in what used to be his door.
At least, it had been until he went and got himself abducted, of course. Now it was Calvin’s. And he sat behind the desk wearing a face that Hopper probably guessed he’s worn before. Long nights, early mornings, shit getting kicked up faster than a town as small as theirs had any right to. He remembers being in that spot and feeling just as exhausted as Calvin looked.
He strode in with the confidence that said that office was still his in some way,” Said I would.”
“Yeah, but you always hated mornings at the station. Came in late as often as you could.” Powell pointed out.
Jim smiled and shook his head,“ You got me there. But I’m here, with coffee, as promised.”
He passed over the cheap paper cup. Took his seat in the chair opposite him while the man popped off the lid and shook out a few packets of sugar, definitely stolen from the break room and squirreled away in his desk drawer.
“Still got a sweet tooth?” he teased and sipped on his own cup, black and bitter.
The man raised an eyebrow at him while he stirred it around,“ You weren’t gone that long, you know.”
Jim had to give it to him,” Guess not. Not long enough for you to grow out of it, at least.”
They drank from their cups in a familiar, comfortable silence while Jim looked around the room. It was mostly the same. He’d never decorated much, so there wasn’t much to be taken down or changed. Same knots in all the wood grain. Same dents and scratches in the walls. Same scraps under the chair legs. New name on the nameplate, though. New man in the chair. New computer set up in front of him, big and clunky and off-white. Jesus Christ, Jim’s happy he involuntarily gave up the job before they’d made him regularly use one of those things, at least.
But, thinking of chiefly duties…
“Well, Cal, how’s it looking for the kid?” Jim brought up.
He looked at him for a second and asked, waving his cup to him,“ How do you even know Eddie Munson all that well? You’ve been gone for eight months, Jim. And while you were still here, we never busted him for the drugs.”
Jim settled back in the chair further and recounted,“ I told him to quit it a time or two, but didn’t want to make a fuss on his record about it. Never caught him in the act, and only ever with a baggie of pot on him.”
He took another sip and continued,“ But, besides that, I just want to see something done right by him. By this whole mess, I’ve heard about. I can’t explain how I know that what all the kids are saying is the truth. That he’s innocent. But I just do. Would stake my life on it. He didn’t do anything to the girl or those boys.”
Powell almost nodded to the fact, given what they’d been working on uncovering over the last few days,“ Well, we’ve been investigating the case based on their testimonies…”
He let his words trail off, but Hop was impatient for some good news.
“And?”
Powell met his eyes, and with a tone of near-disbelief, he admitted,“ We haven’t found a single shred of evidence to suggest they’re lying about it. Nothing beyond the locations of the murders speaks to Eddie having had anything to do with it. And while the kids could’ve had time to coordinate their stories with each other, the others we’ve interviewed couldn't have. And with the background we’ve dug up on the victims… The claim that this was all a huge mess perpetrated by Jason Carver as he kept digging himself a deeper hole to cover his tracks… it’s the more plausible theory between the two. Way more than the idea that Eddie just went crazy all of a sudden and convinced so many people to cover for him this well.”
“So you’re saying…?”
“We can’t charge a dead man with the crimes. Can’t detain him and interrogate him while we look for more evidence.” Powell pointed out, regretfully,” But we can drop Eddie from the suspect list. Take the cuffs off him, make an announcement, and turn him loose.”
“That’s good news, Cal. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear it.”
“Oh, I’m sure. Better than sending him to the clink for something he didn’t do just to satisfy this town’s thirst for blood.”
“Aint that the truth.”
There was almost time for another silence to fall around them. But Calvin had a question to pose before it settled very long.
“So, what’ll you do now that you’re back?”
And it probably should’ve been a scary question. The prospect of the unknown. A whole slew of decisions to make now that his life’s been so completely thrown off-track. He probably should’ve already had some idea of a plan in place for what he’d return to without the walls of a Soviet prison making all the choices for him.
“I have no clue.” he honestly answered instead.
“What? Don’t want to get rehired back here at the station?”
“And do this grunt work?” They shared a hearty chuckle that spoke to all their years of complaining about both having not enough and way too much to do before he explained,” Nah. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I think I’m tired of trying to make this whole damn town my responsibility.”
“You think you already have enough of it with that kid of yours?”
Fondness crept its way into his face,“ Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“How did that even happen? I feel like I had no clue you were even looking to adopt, much less had a kid already when you died and she was moving away with Joyce.”
“That’s a crazy story, Cal. Crazier than the shit that’s gone on here in recent days, I swear. But, uh, she’s mine. And she means everything to me. And I don’t want to do anything except be a good dad for her now. A job just seems like a waste of precious time.”
Powell brought his hands together and wistfully sighed,“ I hear ya…”
“What? Chief ain't treating you right? Wasn’t all it cracked up to be?”
“Don’t you make it sound like I’m whining about it. Wasn’t too much more to deal with until all this shit hit the fan. But this shit has been…”
“Hell on earth?” Jim supplied.
“Exactly. Slept either here or in the cruiser more nights than I did at home. I think the Missus is just about ready to march in here and drag me back into the cold side of the bed I left her with.”
Jim’s eyes snapped to his with more attention,“ Missus? So you and Wendy?”
“Finally tied the knot,” he pulled back his hand to reveal the wedding band on his left ring finger that he’d been twisting.
“Wow, been waiting on you to do it, what, six years now? And you up and decide to commit while I’m gone.”
“I ‘up and decided to commit’ because you were gone. Seeing you here one day and then just - poof - not anymore… Thought about taking up your badge and if the same thing happened to me… I was done wasting time.” Powell detailed the whole affair for the man who missed it,” So I bought the ring and proposed that same month. She spent forever on the phone, planning the whole thing out with her sister. Got married in December. Honeymooned over Christmas and New Year's.”
“That sounds nice.”
“It was. And, in a way, I had you to thank.”
Jim shook his head at that,“ Nah, you woulda wisened up one of these days. With or without me.”
“Maybe. But why don’t you tell me when you’re going to wisen up.”
“What does that mean?”
“You think the whole you-and-Joyce thing is subtle?”
They shared another laugh before Jim conceded,” No, I guess it isn’t.”
“You gave her your kid, Jim! That’s nearly grounds for an engagement right there.”
“Don't start talking like that, or I’ll get ideas and scare her off, Cal. We haven’t even had a single date yet.”
He was a little taken aback,“ Didn’t you two…? Back in high school?”
“No. Never.” Hopper corrected him,” We just ran into each other a lot, hung out cutting class sometimes…”
Powell didn’t really look like he believed him, but he let it slide to check him,” But now you’ll get a move on?”
“I guess now I owe it to her to get a move on. Already made her wait eight months for a damn dinner.”
Cal whistled,” Oh yeah, sounds like you best get a move on.”
“How ‘bout you do the same?” He said while he got up,” I’m sure that the kid’d like to know he’s a free man as soon as possible. You promised me you wouldn’t drag your feet on this.”
Powell stood up with him,“ And I’m not. Just waiting for Flo to let me know the machine’s done spitting out the official report. Then I'll be headed out to get started on cleaning things up.”
Before Jim turned to leave, he asked,“ Could I ask you for another favor?”
“What do you want from me now?”
“Nancy Wheeler. She’d been writing up the story on what happened for the school newspaper. She’s the only one with the inside scoop, has both the Munsons talking to her, and the most in-depth coverage of both the during and after of the arrest.”
“That’s good for her.”
“It is.” He agreed,” And if her's got to be the first article announcing that the charges have been dropped, before even the tv crews do, it’d go a long way for her resume down the line."
“I’ll bet it would."
"Especially since she'll have to help spearhead women in investigative journalism in the first place.”
"I never did like the press... But you tell her she can stop by and get a quote. As long as none of the other kids get in the way of it, she can get her story printed before morning news runs with it tomorrow.”
“I will. Thank you. Really. I’m happy to know the seat I left empty got filled by someone fit to sit in it.”
“God, what’d they do to you while you were gone?” Powell rounded the desk to stand next to him,” You’ve gone all sappy and soft in your time off.”
Jim bumped against his shoulder,“ Let’s just call it gettin’ old and leave it at that.”
“And see, I would've bet good money you’d be one of them crotchety things. Screaming from your front porch at everyone who dares pass by.”
“I woulda bet on it too. Now look at me.”
“It’s a good look on you. Enjoy it.”
Then, Flo burst through the doors, thumbing through freshly printed papers and eyeing them through her glasses instead of looking up,“ Your paperwork is all done, Chie- Jim? How are- When did you slip in?”
“Flo,” he greeted simply with a smile to the woman who practically kept that department running by being the biggest pain in his ass the entire time.
She tucked herself against his side in a quick hug, turns out working with someone for about eight years mean they miss you a little bit. Who would have guessed?
She held the papers into her chest and reached out to shove at his shoulder,“ I’m almost scared to ask if this is someone’s stupid idea of an April Fool’s joke.”
“It’s April first?” Jim asked, looking at the calendar on the wall that was fully crossed off but hadn’t been flipped to the new month yet.
“Sure is,” she confirmed while Powell took the hint to change it.
“Thanks for reminding me…” Jim thought of something for a minute,” I’ll be heading off. Was good catching up.”
With Eddie’s hands all painted, Argyle found himself the only one in the room without. He’d held out his hand for Erica and asked if she thought he’d look cute with shimmery pink nails like hers. Which made all of them laugh. But she said it didn’t exactly fit his vibe, so he then turned to all of the girls and was letting them debate what kind of color they’d put him in if they could. There were a few ideas of a mossy green, or a peachy orange, or maybe a daffodil yellow when Hop’s voice cracked through the walkie they’d perched on the windowsill of the hospital room.
“Hey, any rotten kids around?”
Robin leaned over and snatched it off the ledge,” Rotten kids one through five checking in. What’s the word on the construction for gallows in the town square?”
“Just spoke to Cal on how the case is looking,” was all he answered.
Robin took a look around the room with a stilted expression,“ And? What’d he say?”
There was no response.
“Hello? Requesting status on the conflict between Ex-Chief, Jim Hopper, and Current Chief, Calvin Powell?” she joked.
Hop’s voice came back in a low rumble,“ I’m real sorry, kid…”
All at once, Eddie felt his stomach plummet through the tile floor.
Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
They’d been joking around and having fun all morning… he forgot for a minute that things don’t always just turn out. They usually didn’t before he found out the world was ending, but his luck hadn’t been so bad recently. He cheated death and made some new friends, but it seemed the legal system was going to be a fouler beast to defeat.
Shit.
Jim continued,“ They’ve been digging through everything, but it’s just not enough to convince them…”
Robin shook her head as his voice faded out. She looked back up at the accused man and remained defiant,“ Don’t worry, Eddie. We- we can keep trying to figure this out. We’re not going to quit on you and we aren’t going to let them chuck you behind bars for the rest of your life. Okay? Well… We’ll put together a petition! Or gather a protest! Or- We have Nance’s paper she’s gonna publish! We’ll get people on your side and figure something out. We won’t give up on-”
But the radio cut right through her,“ I just can’t get ‘em to put you in prison stripes.”
And everything stopped.
Eddie's heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped breathing, the whole fucking Earth stopped spinning under him.
“Wait-” Robin asked herself before remembering to pull the walkie up to her face and click the button,“ What?”
The next time Hopper’s voice came through, they could hear the grin he was trying to fight back,“ He’s on his way down now to tell you officially, but the Hawkins Police Department is dropping the charges. Congratulations. You buncha deviants did a good job showin’ ‘em all what’s what.”
“Are you kidding?!” Eddie’s voice rang through the room, Robin having clicked down the button in time for Jim to catch most of it.
“What? Nobody’s ever heard of an April Fool’s joke?” he asked.
“Most April Fool’s jokes aren’t supposed to make the victim die of a heart attack!” the man yelled, voice rising in pitch.
“He’s still breathing ain’t he?”
“Oh my god- as if that even makes it okay to tell a guy he’s going to be prosecuted for like a hundred murders-”
“It would’ve been three, maybe four, and an assault at most, Eddie,” Robin tried to remind him, setting down and forgetting the walkie on the table.
“They would’ve sentenced me to like a hundred years, Robin!” he argued back.
“I just told you we would’ve figured it out-”
“I’ll take that as a yes. So, he’ll be fine.” Jim assumably answered the silence he received.
El took the walkie herself to tell him,” Was still a mean joke.”
“You kids need to lighten up. Yeesh. Nobody around here knows how to have any fun anymore.”
Eddie’s room filled up after that. Nancy, Steve, Mike, and Will arrive shortly after, just barely beating Chief Powell. He went over all the news with Eddie and the officer there. They undo his cuffs and explain that he won’t even have a misdemeanor for the drug distribution he admitted to at the end of the day. And since Nancy was right there, she got his statement and would get to send out her papers before the news channels ran an official announcement. If he faced any harassment despite it, though, the Hawkins Police department would help him out.
Then the rest of Hellfire showed up. Dustin and Lucas, along with Jeff, Gareth, Bruce, and Josie. Those four were particularly relieved to see him okay after everything. Not having received any update between Jason’s “Where’s Eddie?” interrogation and “Eddie Munson; Prime Suspect” and “Eddie’s in the hospital” they got from the boys that same morning. They were just saying their hellos when a nurse came in and tried to show them out.
“Awe, but we were celebrating,” Dustin complained to her.
She just looked down at him and hummed,“ Well, I’m sure Mr. Munson would prefer that we checked over everything privately. Like getting that catheter removed. Am I correct?”
Eddie didn’t hesitate to erupt with a pointed finger towards the door,“ Everybody, get the fuck out! Now!”
They got him taken care of and returned his things, but kept him in the hospital gown and hooked up to the IV.
They weren’t letting him out just yet. Turned out that when you nearly die of blood loss, the medical community likes to hold on to you. Make sure the wounds start healing over well, and there wouldn't be any deficits before the guy could start strolling about town. Who knew.
They decided to keep him until the end of the week, just to be safe.
In any news, they let his friends back in to annoy him. And, if Max’s mother signed some moving paperwork, she’d get wheeled into his room to share the rest of his stay with her the next morning. Hellfire made plans to camp out with him sometime and hold a one-shot around his bedside. Even roped newly returned Will Byers in agreeing to play, even though he didn’t know the rest of the club and was a little nervous.
When four o’clock hit, his uncle arrived and pulled him out of the bed for a real hug after the room emptied out.
Everyone else scampered off home, save for Robin, Nancy, and Steve.
They went to the school and used Nancy’s key to the newsroom to format her release and get Steve’s story for it. He sat on the light table while Robin threw questions at him. And they argued about how exactly he should word his answers the whole time Nancy typed away at the computer. They were crammed together working on it for a few hours, easily. And then they gathered up by the printer and folded hundreds of copies of the account. Using the school’s dime and credentials to get the news out as quickly as possible with at least a little reliability.
They were filling up milk crates from the cafeteria with stacks of them and loading them up into the Surfer Boy Pizza van when Jonathan and Argyle stopped by. The pair ran them around town and packed them into the newspaper boxes, even though technically they weren’t supposed to. Steve and Robin ran a few of them around the homes of people they knew were in a lot of the local groups and communities and would spread the word the fastest, and to Eddie’s neighbors. Those of them that were still at the trailer park.
Nancy dropped off copies in the mailboxes of some of the businesses for them to see first thing in the morning: the Hawkins’ Post and local news station, particularly. And then she dropped off a bunch of enveloped ones at the post office like they had when they released the tape about Barb less than two years before. To correct the brigade they’d been running with over the last week.
By the time the sun came back up, it should be on a world that believed Eddie was innocent. Or at least could be convinced of it soon.
As they were finishing up their rounds and headed back towards Robin’s house for drop-off, Steve stopped by his mailbox. He’d forgotten to for the last few days, and when they were about to pass it by, he figured he should grab anything while he was thinking about it before he came back later and forgot again.
There was a little bit that built up. Nearly all of it was addressed to his parents. But there was one letter with Steve’s name on it. Sent from the Family Video Headquarters in Glenview, Illinois.
“What…?” he mumbled to himself when he saw it.
“Come on, Steve,” Robin called from the rolled-down window,” Let’s get me home, so my parents don’t try to find new reasons to disapprove of our treasured friendship.”
“Just a second.”
Steve tore open the envelope right there, standing outside by his mailbox with the others tucked under his arm. When he pulled out the papers inside, they certainly held a surprise of a completely different kind. Not the stuff he got surprised with earlier that week. Not supernatural, end of days stuff. Instead, the mail spoke of incredibly mundane, and yet totally shocking stuff.
“Holy shit…”
Robin perked up at his expression while he read the paper“ Steve? What is it?”
He didn’t even look up for the paper when he quietly sputtered,“ I’m the manager…”
“What?” Robin knocked her head to the side and opened the door. Stepping out onto the street and rounding the car to join him.
“I-” he tried to start, then switched gears and looked at her,” Keith skipped town. So did half the staff. It’s just you, me, and Alex left in Hawkins now. Family Video sent the letter to me because I’m older and have the most hours on the schedule. They can’t convince anyone else to move out here to take over the building since Hawkins is so cursed in the public eye. So I- I’m the manager now.”
Her eyes fell to the paper, and she parroted his first thought,“ Holy shit…”
“We’re supposed to re-open on Friday and try to get things back in business.”
After… everything… that was so out of left field.
“April Fools?” Robin tried.
“They sent over the rest of the keys and instructions…“ Steve separated the open letter from the stapled packet behind it and held up the three new keys he had. For the office door, locked filing cabinet, and emergency exit.
“So, not April Fools…” Robin looked at the official paperwork and reminded him,” Steve. You don’t know how to run a store.”
Which, yes, was true. Steve did not know how to run a store. But the thing was that Steve and Robin never did any work truly on their own. So he looked back up at her and emphasized how absolutely tied together they were in it.
“We don’t know how to run a store.” he corrected.
“We don’t know how to run a store.” she agreed.
“We’ll have to figure it out…”
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bylertruther · 1 year
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"it's not my fault you don't like girls!" is such a crazy line for so many reasons.
they filmed versions with mike saying "you don't like girls yet" but didn't use it. hm.
"you don't like girls"? so... mike knows, right? and he backs down because bringing it up (even though technically it's not uncalled for since will was the first to make it personal but anyway) clearly hurt will?
"it's not my fault" so mike recognizes that will is unfairly zeroing in on him? that he's upset with mike specifically being the one to get a girlfriend and abandon him, himself, and their party for her?
"it's not my fault" so it's true that he feels suddenly cornered and attacked here, and that's why he puts his foot in his mouth? that he really wasn't trying to be a jerk like many still think?
the general fact that mike obviously is not the reason will's gay, but also he kind of is very much the reason lmao.
the way that he basically says "listen, i know that you're gay and all, but did you seriously think it was going to be you and me, together, us and only us, sitting in what has always been our safe space doing that which has always brought us joy, forever?" and will responds with a very simple "yes. i did. i really did." that kills and breaks the heart of everyone in a 5k mile radius including them. :(
#mine#it will never Not be insane methinks#could u imagine if that's when mike maybe had an inkling of will's feelings and then at the end of s3 he realized His feelings and then#there's the radio silence between them n mike is always calling calling calling only to receive Nothing At All from will and hears from el#tht he's painting for who she thinks is a girl so in his mind he's like 'fuck. i guess it was possible after all. :/' but whatever it's fin#his heart hurts but it's fine it Has to be fine they can still be friends and that'll just have to be enough it's okay he has el it's Fine#it's literally soooooooooooo fine so he's trying to ask will questions like he doesn't wanna fucking off himself rn LMAO but will is being#rude for whatever reason which like. weird. but No This Is Fine I'll Make It Fine Maybe It's Just The Distance Idk :( so he keeps trying n#cracks a joke but will doesn't laugh he just stares at him with a Done^tm look on his face so fuckign whatever it's not fine but#WHATEVER his gf has been lying to him for months and will didn't say anything AT ALL not abt that and just in fucking general will who said#'not possible' but clearly Lied abt it and likes someone else now while he's reeling over this still and then it turns out tht will is#hurting too so mike extends an olive branch again n takes full blame n responsibility even though he doesn't need to at all and he opens up#to will abt things he doesn't tell anyone else and it's Good it's Working and will gives him the most beautiful painting ever but oh...#it's not from him.. it's from el.. :/ ok... and everything he's saying is from el and every time he tries to talk to will he ends up making#it about el so like. okay. alright. i guess he did move on. which is fine bc it has to be fine bc he only wants to be best friends again n#mike will never say no to him n then el is dying n then the world splits in 4 n then max dies n then she doesn't n el isn't talking to him#and she's keeping things from him again and will is in trouble again And Nothing Is Fucking Fine Actually and he STILL doesn't kno tht will#told him the biggest lie EVER and like. jesus fucking christ. could u imagine being mike wheeler i'd fucking kms THAT'S TOO MUCH STRESS!
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tbos-main · 2 years
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i wanna hear about all the scenes where nate and drako get made fun of by their respective for having crushes on each other? all the "really, him?" moments
the best one of these is when herines finds out. like his 'really, him?' moment is so intense it's actually a plot point.
so you know i keep joking about how akila backstabs everyone in like 6 different directions? this is an example of that. this also links to the post i made about how nate's healing ability works where i mentioned that rin threatened to literally use him as a blood bag to cure all ills. so that scene happens VERY early on in book 1, literally like chapter 8 i think, and rin holds onto that idea throughout the entire 3 books. he's clever about it, he knows his popularity in burnos is very steadily declining the longer things go on (and plummets after the whole city of corpses shenanigans) so he sees nate as his get out of jail free card. he knows there's no point winning this war and achieving his dream kingdom if his own people are just going to overthrow him for tyranny the first chance they get, so his plan FROM THE VERY BEGINNING is to keep nate alive. it actually is one of the reasons rin loses in the end bc if he'd been trying to kill nate from the beginning then he actually could have won at one point, but he wasn't. it has always been his plan to take nate prisoner, nothing more.
at the very end, it's very fucking apparent that rin can't win unless he takes out nate and drako. again, not kill them, because he wants nate alive and refuses to kill drako, but unfortunately for him his dumb little brother has made himself a massive nuisance and now rin needs to find a way to deal with him that doesn't get him killed. rin is absolutely STUMPED on how to do this, and at this point we're in book 3, when - drum roll please - akila arrives!!!!!!! she's been soooo clever and has combined her knowledge of rin with her observations of how rin has time and time again had the opportunity to kill nate and has somehow missed it every time, and she's realised what he's up to. she keeps quiet about this instead of telling the brotherhood and gives herself time to just Watch. at this point, no one has really had time to figure out what will happen if they beat herines, but there's still the whole unspoken deal about nate turning on kiva in order to put lilla on the throne. as they're riding to kusig for the final battle, akila speaks to drako, and drako is such a clever character but when it comes to nate he has always been a bit dumb (love makes you blind smh) so he does a whole 'nate wouldn't betray me like that' which akila is like 'ew wtf' so she then goes to talk to kiva and all kiva says is that her and nate have been 'in discussion' about it. akila comes to her own conclusion that lilla must be planned to take the throne, something akila has been against since the beginning and is certain will lead to her family's ruin (her literal sole motivator for anything is keeping her family safe, hence all the betrayal). so yeah while journeying she gathers all this information.
the plan is that the goldesters and vanushzus and all the other Non Fighters of their group will split off at the river and stay at the green castle until the fighting is over. akila is acting strange when this happens and she catches nate's eye, and while those two have always hated each other, he sees more than just contempt in her glare. he knows she's about to do something but he can't prove what nor do anything about it, so it just kind of unsettles him as he watches them ride away. low and behold, that night akila breaks off from her party and rides for kusig. naturally being a solo rider she gets there way earlier than drako and nate's lot, and because of their past friendship, herines immediately agrees to see akila.
in exchange for her family's safety, akila tells herines how he can win. it's simple really. he needs to let go of nate and accept that he can't win this war while nathairan of kroi is still alive. nate has to die, and his death will break drako's resolve. rin is like??? how the fuck does that work?? and akila's like 'oh they're in love' to which rin literally just stares silently at her for 10 whole seconds before deadpanning like "they're what" "in love" "with each other?" "yes" "drako is in love with nathairan of kroi?" "that's what i said" "...him?" "yes"
and yeah rin then decides he has to kill nate and in turn break drako lmfao. two birds one stone
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pride-of-storm · 2 years
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it is not just local politics that are an argument between 'pay now (but less)' and 'pay gradually and later (but more)' but i'm. gonna focus my energy where i think it may have an impact
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locria-writes · 2 years
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thanks for coming to my ted talk where i get to discuss one of my favourite things ever -- fashion in my stories, and more specifically, military fashion in my personal writing catastrophe that i still haven't titled yet :D
first things first, i think it's most prudent to get the military structure of concordia out of the way to make things a little less unwieldy.
so the senior officers aka the upper echelons aka the bitches with the coolest uniforms --
navy-blue knee-length double-breasted military tunic (yes i know it's usually shorter but rule of cool)
paired with matching slacks, or knee-length skirt, or culottes, whatever floats their boat
black jackboots
gold thread embroidery and epaulettes
matching peaked cap with a golden laurel wreath emblem
the distinction between ranks goes --
grand marshal | 3 dragon's eyes emblazoned on the collar and shoulders + a cardinal red one-shoulder cape that does not reach past the hips worn over the left shoulder
high marshal | nearly identical to grand marshal, except with 2 dragon's eyes, and a white cape
marshal | 1 dragon's eye
vice marshal | 3 isosceles triangles
commodore | 2 isosceles triangles
(if you're wondering what a dragon's eye looks like, here it is)
Tumblr media
next up are the field officers, who sport similarly stylish uniforms --
navy-blue knee-length double-breasted military tunic
paired with matching slacks, or knee-length skirt, or culottes, whatever floats their boat
black jackboots
silver thread embroidery
matching peaked cap with a silver laurel wreath emblem
and distinction between ranks --
captain | 1 isosceles triangle
commander | 5 bars
lieutenant commander | 4 bars
now the junior + non-commissioned officers + enlisted ranks who get something completely different --
light grey-blue single-breasted military tunic (the traditional mid-thigh length)
paired with matching slacks, or knee-length skirt, or culottes
black jackboots
junior officers (lieutenant-ensign) and non-commissioned officers (warrant officer + sergeant) wear matching berets
ensigns wear white berets
corporals and privates wear black berets
distinction between ranks --
lieutenant | 3 bars
sub-lieutenant | 2 bars
ensign | 1 bar
cadet | 1/2 bar
warrant officer | 1 bar and 1 circle
sergeant | 1 circle
corporal | 1/2 circle
private | n/a
also, the concordian military basically more or less exists as one singular branch because aerospace defense is literally their only security concern. of course, there's military police/gendarmerie/intelligence/etc, but they're not under the concordian armed forces' jurisdiction. it's also because i'm lazy and don't want to have to worldbuild that deep lol.
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msmacabre310 · 1 year
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🍦🤩🤯
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
Probably Chocolate Milk, although I will say that I have some absurdly sweet moments in my upcoming Luisa Encantober fics and in my ongoing project that I have posted approximately zero of lol (it's called Children of Wax and at some point in the next ten years it may eventually make it to AO3).
🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?
You know, I'd say I write Bruno the most, but in terms of characters to explore I actually really like writing Alma. She's got super complex motivations and internal conflicts. Actually, for that reason Alma & Bruno's relationship is something I enjoy exploring.
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
I definitely struggle to write romance. The emotional parts I'm not bad at, it's mostly anything related to physical intimacy that is not super in my wheelhouse. I personally do not have physical touch anywhere near the top of the list of my own love languages so every time I write scenes like that I feel like you can tell it was made by somebody who's not super into it lol. Also as someone who's mostly into women I sometimes forget some, ahem, important aspects of hetero romances if that's what I happen to be writing.
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hoodieimp · 2 years
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Man I should really post about my OCs more shouldn’t I
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kuiinncedes · 2 years
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:P
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blakelywintersfield · 2 years
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#hmmm i can see how xanax can be addictive. especially if its not uncommon to grow tolerant to it at lower doses.#not gonna actually abuse it because it *is* my brother's and i *did* tell my parents i was only going to use it as a substitute for my#clonidine until i can get back on it. i'm not going to use up a medication someone else needs. i would never fuck someone over like that.#no matter what some people may believe. plus i really shouldn't be on any benzos long term anyways.#i'd much rather take the medication that helps me sleep and keeps me from having constant intrusive nightmares and stress dreams about the#people i love being harmed or dying‚ or the people who pretended to care coming back and hurting me more. i'd love to not have to deal with#that every fucking night. i'd love to just sleep and mundane dreams i don't even remember and actually get some rest. xanax doesn't do that#xanax just calms my constant anxiety enough to get my brain to shut off in time to sleep. it doesn't do much else for the sleep issues.#it DID make me feel pretty okay when i first took it but yeah not so much now and that's not its intended use but. yeah. i can see how it#can become addictive now. maybe now i have more leverage to get my fucking trauma medication back.#and try something other than fucking prozac. because prozac hasn't done SHIT for me and i'm sick of it i've gotten MORE irritable.#put me on zoloft or something idgaf just stop insisting i take this useless shit.#or paxil. or something other than an ssri i don't know i don't care#just give me something that'll stop me from wanting to kill myself isn't that the fucking *point* of these things?#ugh. whatever. i'm going to bed. i hate being alive. i hate being awake. i hate feeling. i hate everything.
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running-in-the-dark · 2 months
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#had more to say about that last post#like. they (my in-laws) haven't once mentioned the fact that I finally finally finally had my last exam and passed and will be getting my#degree now#we told them. they were just like 'oh okay what profession does that make you now?' I have a bachelor's degree in business administration..#it's not like. oh you're an electrician now. or something. they know this. we have told them many times#they didn't congratulate me. they weren't understanding about how hard the last couple months have been (with my thesis and the exam WHILE#finding an apartment and then preparing to move out and then actually doing that)#no all I got was judgmental comments because I didn't have everything ready and packed when we were moving out#look! I know I'm awful! I know I'm probably just a lazy bitch! but I couldn't fucking do any more!#I'm tired all day every day. I can't move around much before I feel so exhausted and dizzy that I have to stop.#I feel like absolute shit for not getting everything done!#but yes sure just keep telling me that. maybe that'll make my body get better just because it makes me feel bad :)#literally their view on everything is basically 'just do it. and do it correctly. the exact same way we would do it.'#like. oh yeah everything is just that easy! and if you don't do it all perfectly you're trash. you're disgusting. you're LAZY and that's#awful#the only thing that matters in life is your job. it has to be your whole life and your entire personality and the only thing you are proud#of. you are alive to work. the only thing that matters is how your employer feels about you.#it's fucking exhausting.#I know what they think about me. I know they think I'm bad. like these people have known me for ten years. they have seen that I've#struggled with a bunch of different physical health issues. and it just does not matter! I'm just supposed to do everything anyway!#literally every time it comes up they're like 'why can't you do this thing that requires a lot of hand strength?' hello? my hands have been#fucked up for like 12 years. you know this.#so have my feet. no I'm not going for a fucking one hour walk with you guys. yes obviously I can walk that long. no I'm not gonna do it!#it HURTS. I have to carefully weigh it up and decide if it's worth being in pain for at least the next day!#but no there's absolutely no compassion or understanding. just contempt. they don't hide it at all#I'm so tired of this family#honestly? if my husband had a different (nice. warm. kind) family I would probably feel differently about him. though he'd also be#completely different then. his parents are the opposite of mine but they still fucked him up so bad.#anyway I'm done complaining for now. because I'm tired & I'll probably fall asleep again soon.#I really really hate my life tbh
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