#that’s what adult life and too many hobbies does to you I guess

[teenagemutantninjatrauma]

*sigh* 2003 turtles should’ve made a radio station

Did anyone see that one video of Raph and Mikey doing a podcast and answering questions? How neat would it be if they just… had a radio station??

Imagine, right, Mikey reads scary stories and he and Donnie are writing an episodic murder mystery story. Leo does mini-lessons in Japanese language and culture. Raph blasts absolutely banger music and gives updates on any new happenings New Yorkers should watch out for - ongoing gang wars, aliens on the loose, but also charity events outside of Oroku Saki’s work because. Fuck Oroku Saki lol

Whenever they get into trouble and can’t get to their radio station or are too busy fighting something, the few New Yorkers that listen to them worry, and as they worry, they talk, and so ironically anytime the station goes quiet, the awareness of it spreads. The turtles keep coming back to new listeners, and they make more stories, more little lessons, they share little censored bits of their life. Mikey does in-depth analysis of superhero comics and shows like Star Trek, and very often reminds his listeners to Be Fuckin Weird!!! Be you be fun be interesting, your interests and hobbies are so cool I promise you, your outfit is banger and your hair is stylish and you deserve to feel confident in yourselves!!

Donatello shares hacks to make putting together machines easier for yourself, especially encouraging women to not feel intimidated or ridiculed by men for never being taught stuff like car mechanics — once you know where to start and what things look like, it’s easy enough! He researches reliable resources both online and offline, and occasionally rambles about new breakthroughs and what they mean in the bigger scope of all things science.

Leo has little episodes about exploring the soul - learning to understand yourself, meditating on who you are and want to be, but also how to cope with dangerous or traumatizing situations (shoutout to the Ancient One). Lots of queer folk lightheartedly agree that they would come out to him without hesitance because he “would be so so nice about it I bet.”

Raph starts setting up interviews, at first with the humans he knows - the kind Mrs. Morrison, talking about the horribly unfair housing policies making her life harder, the Professor, to humanize the homeless, but then he gets a little braver and starts interviewing nonhumans that live in the city — Leatherhead first, and then Sydney and the other people from the Underground City. A stray Utrom that settled down here and opted to stay when their peers left for home. Professor Honeycutt, when he visits - that interview sort of cements that he’s not making these people up, because, well. Everyone had seen and heard the fugitoid during the invasion. He interviews superheroes, both those that work during the day, and those that work during the night (and yes, he does interview the Turtle Titan). He invites the Battle Nexus Daimyo for a visit. But the interview most beloved by the listeners… is one Raphael conducts with his dad.

They never mention they’re mutants, but I wonder how many people feel something click in their minds when Raph starts the interview by going “so. Just you and four kids, practically homeless, hiding in the shadows. How did you manage, those first few years when we were really little?” And they talk about being a single dad who was “barely an adult” (read: still learning himself how to be a mutant) and all the folks out there who maybe had to deal with having kids too early or at a time where they couldn’t properly take care of them as much as they wanted to, they all lean in, because this man sounds like he’s about sixty now - surely he’ll have some wise words of advice? And he does, Splinter talks about having to learn what kids are even like, never having had interacted with that many people in general before, he often had to guess at what was a serious ailment and what was simply a byproduct of childhood and later puberty, he talks about how visiting his few friends (the Ancient One, and the Daimyo) helped him remember that he’s not all alone to do this, he talks about how what worked for one of his sons didn’t work for the other three and how a parent should always remain flexible and open minded and accepting of change, as change is natural to life and inevitable especially during the early years. And they talk and talk and I bet a bunch of New Yorkers go “wait a minute.. four guys that live on the streets with a dad they occasionally call a ‘master,’ one of them constantly talks about machinery, they all speak fluent Japanese… could these possibly be the fucked up little guys that saved my ass that one time? Could this be the guy I punched that one time cuz I freaked out?’

Like. Just consider it okay. A turtle radio station.

#chatter #my ideas #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #this was originally a shitpost but then I overthought it lol #2k3 donnie #2k3 leo #2k3 raph #2k3 mikey #ninja turtle radio #revolution radio au

[broomsticks]

today's hp fandom excavation fun: the hp_essays livejournal comm

1) When will the fandom end? posted by (ljuser)vegetasbubble on 07 December 2007

As much as we (any of us) hate to admit it, the Harry Potter fandom will one day (hopefully not one day soon) come to an end. Authors will write thier last ever fanfiction, draw thier last ever fanart, and put down the pencil and say "Thats it." Its a stage of life that no one, (I am one of those people), wants to see. The end of a generation, so to speak.

i was especially amused by this given the recent stats by destinationtoast that had HP as THE fastest growing fandom (and second largest to MCU overall) on AO3 in 2022.

anyway, virtually all the comments disagreed, pointing out the longevity of many many many other literary and movie/TV fandoms.

interestingly, though, i don't think i saw much note of how specifically groundbreaking HP was. aside from this:

Aside from the complete falsity of this claim, I'd rather pursue a new line of thought. In the past few years we seen the HP fanfiction exponentially grow being one of the hugest on general fanfiction websites, spawning huge websites in general for one specific IP and even within the fanfictiondom having different sub-sections, (such as slash, a particular ship or adult) of fanfiction having moderately large collections of works on their own. This is basically a testatment to HP being on of the biggest franchises of this generation to be able to generate such an incredible amount fandom, not to mention an almost serendipitously bring together the forces capitalism, luck, forture, marketing, publishing and talent to make it such a huge hit. The question I pose is to what degree will this fandom die down if at all? Obviously some people will hand up their brushes, mice and pens to abandon contributions to the monster than is HP fandom; but just as the longevity of slash Star Trek fics and LOTR fan art; to what extent will HP fandom survive? Does the content of being a youth fantasy or children's coming of age story have a bearing on how long it will last, when it will last and how slowly (or quickly) the fandom will die down?

this observation on the cyclical nature of fandom was fascinating too:

Hah. I used to ask myself the same question the first time that I was in a fandom. (Tolkien´s Silmarillion) People were writing everything off and exhausting all the good ideas by doing them over and over. Eventually, the people I knew grew tired, and I grew tired too, so most of us left. Years later, however, I suddenly had an impulse to go back and write some more… and guess what I found. New people had taken the place of the old, and the old fic ideas, the old controversies were coming up again as if they were new. Because for those people, they were new. They had not been there back when we wrote and discussed, and most of them had none or little knowledge of what had been done. Fandom repeats itself just like history, because new generations come, and they do not know what has been done before. And, as is the case with history, research about the past is a minoritary hobby. Do you read all the posts in a forum when you join? Or the mails in a mailing list that has been going for seven years? Well, it´s the same with the people who suddenly read Harry Potter and decide that they like it… they will start from zero, and probably read some classics that a friend reccomends to them, but they will not spend their first fannish months reading everything that has been already done, yelled, discussed, squeed and kept saved in Potter sites years before. They will spend them writing feverishly, noticing things, squeeing, yelling and discussing on their own- just as the others once did.

other Very Good essays:

2) Participatory Interpretation; Or, How Fanon Showed Me My Canon by gjules, posted 10 Sep 2004

Partly because of the size and complexity of its universe and partly because of its large and varied cast, the Harry Potter fandom has one of the widest spreads of potential interpretation… So how are we to take the author's intentions into this? As interesting as auctorial intent is in extra-textual interpretation, it still can be misleading. Authors are aware of their creation on many levels, and not all of those levels are consciously accessible. That's one of the strengths of the beta reader: they're not telling you what to do-- they're telling you what you've done.

For me, for example, rereading the books after finding HG/SS was an exercise in reinterpretation. Incorrect reinterpretation, reinterpretation informed and created by my hopeless enjoyment of Sevmione, I have no doubt, at least in light of the probability of that particular OTP occurring in future canon-- but still an interesting perspective on a given text which I might otherwise never have considered. Naturally, this leads to accusations of fanon muddying the waters of the original canon, making things confusing, blinding the fanfic reader and writer to what's really going on. I don't buy this. I would argue that instead, the reader who takes diverse perspectives from fanfic back to the original canon is instead more likely to see all of the possibilities, is less likely to be blinded by the initial assumptions anyone draws when encountering a text.

I've found that reading fanfiction often shows me the assumptions I've unconsciously held about canon. In my view of canon, Snape is more often the tormented hero, and Harry often closer to being in the wrong-- but the different views I have read of fanon Snape show me the other ways other readers see him.

This discussion eventually leads to a disturbing question, however: can all views of canon be considered equally privileged?

a response:

Short answer: no. Why? Because not all views of canon can be equally supported. If your view of canon can be demonstrably shown to contradict something like a significant point of the text, it is weakened. If you have an analysis of canon that fails to account for some major features of the text, or is contradicted by them, it is less priviledged than an analysis which is able to comphrend more things. The completeness criterion is one that I've found is applied across a lot of topics of analysis, from literature to hard-core music theory (yep, there is such a thing).

---

3) a lovely (if slightly ranty!) tonks character study meta:

The Deconstruction of a Miss Nymphadora Tonks by theregoesyamum on 09 Apr 2006:

1. She's direct. 2. She's intelligent. 3. She has a sense of humour. 4. She hasn't got a rotten bone in her body. 5. She's irreverent and unconventional. 6. She's a Black by blood, if not by name.

go read it in full! keeping in mind the fandom post-HBP was full of massive tonks-related wank (alluded to in the (mostly good! worth reading!) discussion here).

---

4) i'm sad this post (Fanfiction Writing Style and Stylistic Trends by ignipes, posted 04 September 2005) doesn't seem to exist on the internet anymore (yes, i did try wayback machine)

---

5) no shortage of peter pettigrew meta -- though a lot of these were written pre-DH, some even pre-OOTP and pre-HBP. interesting reads, but none i felt were especially notable.

#hp fandom history #hp meta #fanfiction meta #nymphadora tonks #canon compliance

[thessalian]

Thess vs Self-Made Fun

A recent Tumblr post flagged up an interesting point: the last writers’ strike was way different because the pandemic happened. People learned a) all manner of ways to entertain themselves and b) turning that entertainment into entertainment (or education, or both) of others. We sang sea shanties. We watched pre-serum Steve Rogers cook his way through old cookbooks he got from flea markets. We got even more into The Fucking Chocolate Guy than we already were. New shows weren’t coming out because people couldn’t be in proximity of each other enough to film them, so we made our own damn entertainment, and provided the same to others.

But then I consider ... some of us had a distinct advantage. Because we already knew what it was to have nothing else to do, and got really good at making our own entertainment.

Consider: I was born in the late 70s. (Chronologically this puts me at very young Gen X or oldest Millennial, but a lot of that generational divide has more to do with when you got your start in ‘adult life’, or more to the point what advantages had been taken from your generation by the time you got your start in ‘adult life’, and I kind of started late since I lost a few years to mental illness, so lifestyle-wise I’m just Old Millennial. Still, that doesn’t really matter in this case.)

POINT IS I GREW UP IN THE 80s. My parents were divorced. My mother was working every hour the gods sent to climb the corporate ladder, alternating late nights at the office with night school to get her degree. She loved me - she still does - but she had to sacrifice being able to have time with me for being able to provide me with the opportunities she felt I deserved. So when I was younger, it was my school’s after-school programme until that closed, and often she’d just pick me up, pick up dinner, and head back to the office. I’d do my homework while eating KFC at a conference table, and then I had jack all to do. No smartphones. No laptops. No tablets. The one saving grace is that those old transcription machines worked on standard-sized audio cassettes at that time, so I could play my books on tape quietly in one of the cubicles, but I didn’t have many and I needed something else to do. So I raided the stationery cupboard and wrote a small newspaper called The Nightly Office, and sold subscriptions to the other poor souls working that late. (Apparently I was ahead of my time in savvy, too; I charged a dime for a one-off copy, three for a quarter, and ten for a dollar, which didn’t save any money but did save me doing anything but shoving their copy under their office door for at least two weeks.) Apparently there are a lot of retired insurance brokers who still have copies of that damn thing in their mementos boxes at home. My mother is among them.

Really wasn’t any different when I was old enough to get home from school and stay home on my own, either. TV was ... I mean, it was there, but depending on time of year, you could be in for a real dry spell as far as that was concerned. And yes, I read, but ... let’s face it, probably undiagnosed ADHD; I needed things to do. And again - there were consoles but they were underwhelming and frankly we couldn’t afford one. We couldn’t afford a VCR for a long time, either. It wasn’t a priority, I guess is closer to the truth. And even when we had a VCR and I finally got my original Nintendo Entertainment System and my Game Boy (both of which my mother annexed, by the way), games development hadn’t moved on much from arcade cabinets - it was all about “you have this many lives, there are this many levels, and everything will get harder and harder until you beat it”, which all worked to drain quarters out of stubborn kids’ pockets (and, given the popularity of Souls-likes and roguelikes, still has appeal). That sustained interest for awhile, but not long enough.

Point is I got into hobby stuff early. I learned to cook. I learned to read tarot cards. I learned face-painting and stage makeup. I learned sleight of hand. I learned jewellery-making. I tried fashion design for awhile. And when the pandemic hit and we locked down? I was fine. Video games were a lot better and I had a whole Steam library full of shinies, and that was one thing, but I also had my aromatherapy and perfume-making and soap-making and candle-making and cooking and resin casting and on and on. And I built on that. I have my garden. I make candy. I’ve expanded my horizons in terms of cookery. (I still want more Lego, but that’s beside the point.)

Long story short: you execs refusing to not only pay writers what they’re worth but insisting on clinging to an outdated payment model when it comes to residuals are short-sighted as fuck. There’s at least one whole generation of people like me - probably closer to three, thinking about it - and more will happen with the next one, with new parents having to work multiple jobs to make ends meet. Kids are going to be encouraged to make their own fun, and there’s an internet full of tutorials to show them how. We want the writers paid, because they give us wonderful entertainment. We are well aware that you are the ones who are making it so we don’t get the shows and movies we love, because you’ve been doing it for years. You scrap things so you don’t have to pay residuals. You cancel shows before their time, leaving them to either end on cliffhangers or cram their ending into one season (which NEVER WORKS). And it’s not just because streaming services and residuals either. Firefly was cancelled after one season, and that after it was aired out of order and had its time slot changed at least once, apparently to drive viewership numbers down. Angel had the same shit happen to it that Game of Thrones did; forced to cram an entire series-ending arc that was meant to encompass multiple seasons into less than one, and the entire show suffered as a result. These are not the only examples, but they’re the first two that come to mind, and I need to sum up because this is getting long.

So here it is: We have been fucked over by the execs for decades. The writers have done us nothing but good, for the most part. SHOW. THEM. THE. MONEY. We can wait. We’ve had ample practice at finding other shit to do, and even if we’re not all dedicated hobbyists, we’ve all got piles of books we’ve been meaning to read, games we’ve been meaning to play, and shows we’ve been meaning to watch that are actually finished properly. Now that this economic nightmare has made our fun-money rather scarce, and there’s a breathing space before The Next Big Thing hits, we can get around to doing that. This could last for years, and we’d just be grateful to finally be able to whittle down that book pile we’ve been neglecting for six years.

YOU HAVE BEEN MAKING US STOCKPILE THE NEW AND SHINY FOR DECADES. WE SPENT YEARS MAKING OUR OWN FUN IN OUR OWN HOMES. WE ARE FORTIFIED AGAINST THE BOREDOM YOU INSIST WE MUST BE FEELING. FUCK OFF AND PAY THE WRITERS. WE CAN WAIT.

[fruit-salad-ship]

Ive binged so much brainrot (also normal stuff, congrats on the new site release!) This may have already been done, but: world where the trio were born rotated? Ie grey's born in peach's rough situation, peach is born into the stuffy riches and aloof family, plum gets grey's comparitively standard childhood

oof, the tough job of imagining what Grey would do with the same childhood Peach had.

So I guess step by step here:

Grey grew up being pushed to do things no child should have to do, it made him tough, it made him harsh, but under no circumstance was he ever going to take over the family business, male heirs did not happen, and seeing as the other cousins were boys too, he was pushed aside, in favour of his younger sister, born a year after him, another try for a girl. Her appearance brought out the worst in him, he was palmed off on staff and forgotten with the other two cousins, given tasks and work to keep him busy and out of the adults hair, all the while watching his sister get the attention he thought he deserved too. The boys bond, perhaps even plot in their older ages to overthrow the women in charge, but are always too afraid to try, its a harsh life but they've got it good, everything their twisted little hearts desire, so why mess with that? Grey can go off and start fights, his size and power means he's gained a reputation, rivalled only by the older cousin, who hit the gym to keep up with him, they compete a lot because of this. Together they keep staff in line, deals go smoothly, and pokemon bend the knee to them. They endlessly pick on the 3rd cousin, small and lanky in comparison, the youngest, an easy target. Grey does not find joy in things, he is not an inventor, not calm or collected, he was pushed too hard, and it made him cold. Plum instead of her elitist life comes from more humble beginnings, a huge loving family all piled into one big home, they laugh and joke together, theres a distinct change in her habits, she's happier, she feels less on the spot, like she doesn't have to perform, to be perfect. Her family dote on her, she's a middle child, not responsible enough to be in charge, not young enough to need help, just happy medium. The support and human connection she gains makes her life an open book, she travels and mixes with a lot of people, and puts out a very cheery disposition, able to adjust to situations and different folks from all walks of life. Her people skills are exceptional, others let their guards down around her. She may not have the money, nor the power, she doesn't get to do things in first class, or mess with the finer things in life, but she finds joy in new things, simpler things. Her friends are her world, she visits home often, and radiates warmth, a sweet disposition. Her passion to protect the ones she loves drives her hard, she's never had any trauma or neglect, so when bad things happens she can crumble a bit, not being prepared for it as much. Goes down the Pokemon Breeder route, really good with eggs and youngsters, seeing as she's got so many brothers and sisters, naturally adept at handling that energy.

Peach is an elitist asshole, growing up with money, praise, too many options, and not enough rules, she's been off the leash since as long as she can remember, took up several hobbies, spent countless hours indulging in things like Polo and fencing, loves to hang out at the golf club or by the pool. Her attitude is painfully 'better than you' at every turn, but she lacks any sense of humility. Her pokemon are papered beyond belief, making them fussy and difficult. She has no need to fight and so never got buff, no need to be anything more than the typical ideal daughter, which she does when she can be bothered. She is probably the most sheltered of the three, and gets a little overwhelmed in situations that are unfamiliar to her. Quick tempered still but its more annoying, less for good reason. She's basically awful! Theres a lack of authority in her life, so when having to follow rules, she fails quite spectacularly, and doesn't care either. Very two faced. Lonely.

none of their pokemon would be the same, none of their hobbies or talents. Totally different people hah

#fruit salad #brainrot

[antonballdeluxe]

My Woes on Carrd

It's not too rare for a piece of anything made for professional adults to consume is eaten up by a disproportionate percentage of fourteen year old girls.

But what if it was a website instead, made for businesses, and again, used mostly by the fourteen year old girls of the web? That's Carrd's reputation for you, other than as anyone's extended twitter about me page, a replacement for tumblr about autobiographies, it's the new and hip way to introduce yourself to the web.

Easy to use, drag and drop, place, write, style, done. That's your page! Kinda like a very easy version of Neocities. And again, this was made for...businesses. Professionals. People with things to do, products to sell. And then Twitter came along, realized that unlike their site, Carrd has no precious character limit to describe every bit of your personality and life and market yourself as a niche micro celebrity, and went at it. That's what Carrd is now, the about me's, the kinlists, the do not interact if pages.

It's basically a more lame, watered down, and sensitive as fuck Neocities.

So why does Carrd piss me off?

Well, it's mostly the ones who use it who piss me off, but there's so many things I could discuss involving the site itself. For one, there's a definite lack of freedom, as with all code-free drag n' drop editors of websites or games or whatnot. They're easy for normies to use, but at the cost of freedom. You have plenty at the disposal, sure, but the general layout and look of the site means that with what they give you, there's only a few designs that will look good, pleasing, or bring the eye towards the guy who made it. And you've probably seen them everywhere. Oh, look at it, it's just like a file viewer and a window, except pastel mint! And there's a Korean girl in the upper left corner! Sooooo pleasing, I guess. Oh, what about roman numerals instead of any descriptor to your pages? Now I'm sure to see what anime boy is literally you before finding if you want me to follow you or not. And don't get me started on the disaster known as scenecore or any -core for that matter. Webcore carrds are genuinely ironic.

But what if you want to do more than this? What if you...wanted a custom cursor? Or things falling in the background? Music on the page? More than 50 drag n' drops on your bio? Well, better coin up, sucker. Carrd Pro time. That's their subscription services that the cool and edgy kinnies use and share accounts with their friends and groomers to get all of that done, because simply embedding cool fancy code is paywalled. And having more than three sites. And not having a "Made with Carrd" thingadoo on the bottom of everything. And uploading content over 2MB or whatso. There's still a file size limit, even on the biggest tier. Fuck, even having a favicon is paylocked. And all of this comes for about twenty dollars a year, or if you want to get really fancy and go for an even bigger plan with bigger files and more sites and even more ways to build a website that you could learn from 2-4 hours on W3Schools, fifty a year. Some of this is useless knickknack for bragging rights, but some of it is literally just how websites should work. You can't download your Carrd without hucking up the fifty, by the way.

So basically, get limtied to a few styles because nothing else sucks, and pay 20 a year to have little sparkles when you click. What a wonderful way to make money.

Go back to why people who use it suck, Lobst.

So, about the people who use Carrd. The entire brain process of using Carrd to explain who you are has lead to an epidemic of forgetting your elementary-middle school internet safety lessons, and now, oversharing is the norm. I've seen people use NOT oversharing on your Carrd as a bullet point on a call out, mostly dealing with race, which is as expected knowing that I read Twitter callouts for fun. I've gathered a few examples here of the new norm of "who am I online?", where instead of introducing via talent and hobby, it's your identity points.

Notice how none of these really have a catch, a reason to be mutuals. Of course, they're on another page, but it still feels sad and silly that the first thing you see is enough information to doxx a few of these individuals. Did you know that you only need one's age, state, and first name to wittle down the results to around ten or so individuals. Swap around a few of those for other basic identifiers, you can still get a close view at a doxx. That's bad, to say the least.

Not to mention the sheer amount of non-identifying personal information in these bios. Using mental illness as a standpoint, a personality trait, a way to paint one in a romantic sadness, has become all too common. Hell, I did it a year ago, I'm still growing out of all of it, I'm anonymizing myself once more, disconnecting, and it's more than freeing.

But what if I still want to use Carrd?

Well, for one, share as little information as possible about yourself. Your basic information should only really be what you want to be called, and an age approximation. Do not make yourself vunerable to those who can take advantage of that. Fill it up with things you enjoy, so you can easily be found by others that share your hobbies or favorite bands. And for that matter, make sure your page is readable.

Peak example of what to not do with a carrd. Oversharing, nobody needs to know that you wrote that fanfic, because that's disgusting, what the hell do your homework. And about the layout, even taking these screenshots made me need to get an Advil. I'm serious. The background is flashing neons, everything is a gif, sparkles, it's so ugly. There's more to it, and for the faint of heart, here it is. It's become an inside joke within my group.

As a small wrap-up, Carrd isn't to blame as a platform for a lot of the glaring issues with it, well, except the pricing plans, because that's bullshit. Most of the problems with Carrd falls on the user, and if you can avoid those problems, feel free. Or just make a Neocities for that extra freedom, and for a lot of effort. Actually, no, just make a Neocities, gives you great bragging rights as well.

#carrd #carrd pro #neocities #discourse #essay #internet #dont know what else to tag this with but #nephro.pdf #nephro.txt

[mrs-n-uzumaki]

I saw this video by Jasmine Zade on YT that talks about older people in fandom life and I couldn't help but add my two cents in it. (I also posted my comment on YT but I think it's more fitting here.)

I've been in the fandom life for over 15 years and as a now 29yo pushing 30 I'm starting to see straight up ageist comments about how "old" or "proper adults" shouldn't be in fandom life, which is bonkers to me. Especially since I have found work in the industry that gave me so many fandoms to be a part of. All my obsession over tv shows has led me to pursue a career in the tv world and now I make a living working on shows that give the same young ones who leave ageist comments a place for their interests. Ironic.

If you're young and think that "old people" shouldn't be a part of fandoms, need I remind you that it's us "old people" that are giving you youngins content to obsess over. Art, edits, spaces, culture. All the good fics you read and love so much? Guess what, ALL written by the "old people". If you wanna push us out, you have to be willing to sacrifice the good stuff.

The video continues to talk about how we are faced with the decision of dropping our interests when we reach a certain point in our lives (i.e. starting a family). Listen, I too feared of letting go of the things I loved when I was a kid because there was this expectation of us entering the "real world" when we become grown-ups, but if guys can fanboy over sports and comics all they want without facing criticism, why should we have to sacrifice our hobbies? You may not realise this but you have an underlying bias when it comes to women in particular, because apparently when a mum does it she's a bad mother, she should be focusing on feeding her baby because that's her whole world now and she should never have time for herself ever.

It should go without saying, yet here we are, but adult women can enjoy things too. You can absolutely still love what you love at any age. The difference is you just start to enjoy it from an experienced perspective and that's a GOOD thing. So don't ever be afraid to continue loving what you love.

tl;dr don't leave "you're too old" in people's inboxes you ungrateful lil' brat

#anti fandumb #fandom fuckery #fandoms #tumblr people

[nkhrchuwuya]

✨ aaa an account i follow shared your event and i wanna say congratulations!! i hope you dont mind me requesting this since i’ve only just recently followed you :)

im a 19 year old female (but i use any pronouns) with dyed ginger upper back length hair and blonde/platinum blonde peekaboo highlights and the same colour curtain bangs! im 5'3, ivory skin tone, freckles on my nose during warmer and sunny days. i have dimples. i have heterochromia so one eye is olive green and the other one is brown. my body is hourglass shaped and im bigger in the chest and thigh area. when it comes to my clothing, i dress myself in grunge inspired style, but sometimes i love to go for goblincore or cottagecore dresses!

my mbti is INTP, enneagram 5W4 and im a cancer sun, aquarius moon and capricorn rising. im bisexual with a preference for men and my love languages are quality time and physical touch.

now moving on to my interests and hobbies! in my free time, i enjoy reading. I'm a huge bookworm and i own so many books that i have read, plan to read and haven't even touched yet but collecting books is a passion of mine. my favourite genres of books are romance, mystery and young adult books, but i also have a deep love for classics. i also love drawing and painting (since i went to an art school so all of that was a huge part of my life). going to musems and similar places where you can spend your time and enjoy your surroundings is something i really value and enjoy to do; either alone or with a S.O! i love music a lot too. my spotify playlists all vary from classic rock, heavy metal to classical music which i often love to use for daydreaming when im meant to study for college :D my favourite bands are pink floyd, led zeppelin, fleetwood mac, the beatles and my favourite singer is lana del rey! i love crystals and crystal work and i practice and do tarot and tarot readings often, thats kinda a hobbie of mine :) i study english langauge and teaching at university. i write poems and short stories but am too scared to publish them :)

i think thats everything! so thank you so very much for reading this and thank you so much if you decide to do mine!! good luck with your job and have an amazing day!! <33

hey hey, thank you so much for joining the event! of course i don't mind, welcome to the blog and i hope you enjoy the regular chuuya stuff once we return to regular programming!

chuuya love for you:

absolutely loves the way you look! he is FLOORED all the time with how pretty his s/o is. it's less about being the traditional standard of beautiful- in the sense that yes, he does find you attractive- but just something about your looks takes his breath away. it's on a whole different level. mesmerized simp, this man.

you wouldn't know- unless i told you, like i'm doing right now- but chuuya has this habit of his before you come out of the house with him for a date where he tries to guess what you're wearing. actually he does this all the way back in his penthouse, but he really just wants to guess what kind of way you'll dress up so he can "meet you in the middle." it's a game he sucks at, at first, but then he gets better at eventually.

library. library in the penthouse. want floor to ceiling shelves? yeah. a daybed in the middle of the library shelves? why not. oh wait you'd prefer a swing? no yeah of course. literally build your dream library in your pinterest board and chuuya's going to make it come to reality. he loves being able to be the one to hold the things that make you happy.

he does not run out of questions about your art school. he's nosy as hell about it. he's just so interested in it because he wants to compare the experience with how it was growing up for him homeschooled by the mafia. he's so invested in your stories and your interactions with people because he didn't really have that in his life, and somehow he is living it vicariously through your stories.

is so thankful you're appreciative of art. i headcanon chuuya has a thing for art as well so it's just very nice for him to be able to share it with an s/o. museum visits! art shows! dance recitals! orchestras! he's dragging you EVERYWHERE he can and he loves that you enjoy it as well.

also is very invested in your own art! whether that's your writing or your painting/drawing, he always makes sure to show up and tell you that he adores what you do. whether or not you show it; he adores it because it was made by you.

would want to listen to your expansive playlists on spotify. if you give him access, he's definitely working with it in the background whenever he can on more idle days in the port mafia headquarters. it makes him feel closer to you in a way.

your university tuition's been paid btw. oh you're on a scholarship? great, your tuition for your masters have been paid. what? not studying it yet? no don't worry it's paid should you want it. i promise. nothing to worry about.

overall, i think a really fun relationship really! bathed in art and the quiet kind of excitement you get from watching it, you being with chuuya just makes sense as you can remind him of creature comforts when he's not a port mafia weapon.

#leviamere #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

[werevulvi]

Have you ever at any age been in a group where the only women are masculine like you? Like, a "brorority"? I wonder how much of the alienation so many gnc women, ftm and ftmtf ppl describe in the narratives would diminish if they had access to a stable same sex grouping like this at earler stages, instead of stringing along conventional girls or women and feeling like gooses among ducks and receiving pressure to feminize. It seems almost none i've read has experienced it, it feels very sad.

Well, there is an fb group I'm in, that's for gnc women, females who id as trans in any manner of ways including transmen, lesbians, etc. Basically any women/females who are not traditionally conforming, but it's very inactive and I feel a bit out of place there too. Probably because most of them are lesbian and relate their gnc experiences to that, which is kinda alien for me, or are in early stages of transition which was so long ago for me.

I think why I have such a hard time relating to most women now is because of my transition tbh, and passing as male whether I try to or not, which is something I've adapted to and take for granted. Like that's something most women can't relate to, and it's a huge aspect of my gendered/sexed experience, as if effects my physical experience, how I face misogyny, my gendered socialization, and much more. I think that's why I can only really relate to women one on one, when it's not really about being a woman. And then it doesn't matter if she's gnc or not. Because then I can relate to her as a person instead, and things we have in common like hobbies, interests, disability, etc, in a more general sense, and that feels great. In a group, it's hard to get this whole "we're women and we should relate because of this" thing out of it, regardless of what kinda women are in the group.

I can't relate to people based solely on biology, and this is the only thing I have in common with other women as a whole. I can't really feel kinship based on just that. Kinda like how I can't feel kinship to people who have alternative styles, people with autism, straight people, etc, just because I have or am that too.

And when it comes to gender non-conformity, sure, I can relate to some degree, but because I'm not seen/treated as a gnc woman in my daily life, my experience of being one is generally very different from theirs. Then it's easier to relate to gnc men for those rare few times I put on a dress. Even though that's not the same thing, at least I can relate in regards to what kinda social treatment I receive for it.

But thing is I don't feel a need to connect with women in that sorta group dynamic way anyway. I don't really see the point of it, tbh. Of course I think such groups are great for women who want/need them, but it's not something I'm personally interested in anymore. I guess I realized it's just not my thing.

I just feel more comfortable in mixed sex groups, because then there's just no need to focus on how I either stand out as a sore thumb or am exactly like the others. I have things in common with both sexes but I kinda stand out as different from both, which just isn't in focus at all in mixed sex groups, and that makes me relax. Then I feel like I can just be me and they can be them. I don't think I ever really felt a need to be in women only groups, no matter what kinda women it included, whether as a kid or as an adult. I only briefly felt a need for that when I was attempting detransition a few years ago.

It feels like a strange thing to gather because of, imo. Sure, my sex impacts my life, but the more I hyperfocus on it (which it does become like in a women only group) the more uncomfortable I am about it. Removing that focus helps me feel better, and more like just a person who happens to be female, than a woman who is oh btw also a person.

[nancypullen]

I Can’t

I try to keep this space light and silly, I try to steer clear of sensitive issues, but today - I just can’t.  I wrote this yesterday in response to a friend’s email.  I can't seem to stop weeping. I try to go about my day but it bubbles up again. Those sweet children, those faces so bright and full of promise - what have we done? Over and over again, just waiting for the next time. This morning I read that one little girl survived by smearing herself with her dead classmate’s blood and playing dead. That is the childhood that the GOP has given her. I've never understood the fascination with guns. I grew up in Alaska, every home had one or two because most freezers were filled with game. They weren't toys or hobbies, they weren't for show. I'm now 58 and in my adult life I've never had a gun in my home. My husband was a state trooper for many years, never felt the need to have a gun in our home. Who are these people who think their fun is more important than a child's life? My granddaughter is just 4 years old and right now she lives in a world of fairytales and carefree security. In a year she'll go to kindergarten and learn about active shooter drills and the possibility that someone might come to her school and try to kill her. She'll wonder why her parents send her there. That's the burden we've put on her tiny shoulders. What kind of society does that? Forgive my rambling, I'm trying to make any of it make sense. I just can't. When will it be enough? How many of our babies have to die in terror because some guy who didn’t even have a driver’s license was able to walk in and purchase military grade weapons and all the ammo he wanted?  I can’t buy two boxes of Sudafed in a week, every purchase goes into a national database. But anyone with a pulse can buy an assault rifle.   The same party that boasts that they’re “pro-life” is the same party screeching that guns are sacred.  Guns are the number one cause of death of children and teens in America.  Gun lovers blame everything but the fact that this country has too many guns and too easy access to them.  There are more guns than people in America, according to a Washington Post article, “ There are more than 393 million civilian-owned firearms in the United States, or enough for every man, woman and child to own one and still have 67 million guns left over. “  Add to that the fact that only about 33% of Americans own guns - that’s a small percentage of people hoarding those 393 million firearms.  Just 3% of American adults own nearly one quarter of the WORLD’S civilian firearms stockpile. Wrap your head around that - just THREE percent of Americans own a quarter of the world’s guns. So, if we ask ourselves how a minority, a mere 33% of our citizens, call the shots as far as gun regulations, the simple answer is...they don’t. The NRA and the gun lobby pour millions of dollars into the pockets of politicians to keep our laws lax.  It certainly benefits their industry every time another state gets rid of yet another regulation - how many states have recently moved to permitless carry?  The gun lobby is also behind social media plants convincing the weak-minded that the boogeyman is always just around the corner.  He’s at the border, he’s in your neighborhood, he’s coming for you!  Turns out that when it comes to gun violence the boogeyman is right there in your own home. But they don’t want you to know that, the politicians who are swimming in blood money need a new yacht.  The latest defense is that it’s not guns, it’s a mental health problem.  Hmmm.  Every country on Earth has mentally ill citizens (and jilted lovers, disgruntled employees, angry loners, etc) and we’re the only country with weekly massacres.  Mental illness (I’m guessing) is equally divided between men and women, where are all of the female mass shooters?  Not to mention that if they’re going to blame mental illness rather than the toxic masculinity that it seems to be (life isn’t going my way, someone needs to suffer) then why the hell aren’t they making healthcare freely available and easy to access?  Same party that is pro-gun is against that.   Most gun lovers insist that it’s their Second Amendment right to own as many guns as they want.  I think they’re wrong.  The Second Amendment is to ensure a “well-regulated militia” to defend the states.  That’s our National Guard.

I agree with Justice Burger.  I’ll bet that a whole lot of people see it that way, but the politicians who have been purchased by the NRA  are willing to step over the bodies of dead children to cash those checks. More guns for eveyone! Your fun is not more important than our nation’s children. Your “right” to a gun does not trump a child’s right to grow up safely. I absolutely do not understand how anyone can’t see that.  I know a couple of gun nuts.  If I told them tomorrow that they could turn in their guns and give every child in the country a better life, they’d refuse.  I do not understand the worship of guns. I realize that many men have that Rambo fantasy, some unresolved warrior-wannabe fetish, and a gun feeds that hungry ego.  Earlier today I saw this comment and it felt like a bullseye.

What would you give up if it meant no more slaughtered children?  What would you give up to make supermarkets, movie theaters, and concerts safer?  I’d give up just about anything - certainly any of my material possessions.  Honestly,  I wish I cold pack up my whole family and leave this country.  The thought of my grandgirl growing up in a place without active shooter drills in her kindergarten classroom  would be my dearest wish. If you care at all, if those sweet children - fresh from their end-of-the-year awards ceremony, watching Lilo & Stitch in their classrooms on a warm May afternoon, two days from summer vacation, with their entire lives stretching in front of them - deserved better, then I’m begging you to do something.  Vote like your life depends on it, because it does. Say safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[theloveinc]

Hey can I ask you something off topic?

I'm 19 and still in highschool but I feel like I missed out on life, y'know? Like, I see all my peers out there participating in community service, having jobs, going to clubs. There's a junior I know that has a 4.0 GPA while a senior like me is stuck with a 3.5. I didn't have a car or did any of my family members since I started HS so i wasn't and still isn't able to go to school clubs, get my driver license because I have nothing to practice on, etc.. I just feel like, why am I still trying? Everything in life depends on these key factors. Or do they? I am so lost. I'm almost graduating and it feels like I'm nothing? I don't even know what I'm doing and I'm very scared.

I feel comfortable talking to you because you seem very real? Lol and an adult 😭

I guess what I'm trying to ask is how are you?

Like, how did you do it?

Ofc you can ask, it's very sweet that you trust me and reached out!🖤🖤🖤

One thing I can say for certain, right off the bat, life absolutely DOES NOT depend on these factors. It may seem like it, partially because of society and partially bc everyone around you is talking about the future and driving cars and doing w/e, but there is no, one (much less right) way to experience high school, nor the life you live both in between and afterwards.

That being said, I'm not gonna lie and say there was nothing you missed out on, yes, high school could've been more exciting, but that same thing can be said about literally anything and everything, and this portion of your life is barely the tip of the iceberg. The real good news here is high school isn't supposed to be the best part of your life!!

(Imagine if it was, you'd feel equally as weird leaving it behind, just for different reasons. It's good to feel like you're ready to move beyond wherever it is you're stuck... that means you're maturing and ready for new things.)

Based on the things you've said, I'm also presuming that one of the reasons you might feel so lost is because, like you mention, you're not immersed in any big community like the ones you notice your classmates in, such as band, sports, clubs, etc. That's something I went through too, but is easy to remedy with time. It's very possible that this sense of distress is due to boredom as well as a lack of satisfaction (among the rest of it all, i don't want to downplay your feelings), which is why it might seem so difficult to imagine something else for yourself, even if that doesn't mean it's not out there for you to find.

There are many communities out there for you to explore, as well as hobbies to start, and it's not, and never is, too late to start doing what you see your friends doing. Even if it's not possible for you currently, there will always be clubs to join, jobs to get, community service to do, and even make more friends!!

(Some simple hobbies I enjoy are coloring books, word searches, crocheting, lanyards, diamond dots, journaling/scrapbooking... things I can do while watching TV, and etc! I can always go more into depth about this, too kasdjfkad)

It's not easy getting your butt out there to start these things, I admit, but it does end up snowballing once the process starts. Even if it's just something little, like asking to join your friends even if you just sit on the sidelines, picking up trash around your neighborhood, or applying to work somewhere close by with limited hours... you never know what's going to stick until you try it! And you're never obligated to stay if you hate it, either.

As for your GPA, don't give a shit about that. I know it's hard NOT to compare yourself to others (i struggle with that, too... my roommate is nearly two years younger than me and is graduating college in three years while i've been in school for FIVE), but a 3.5 is an AMAZING gpa to have! It's also not reflective of anything. I know it might seem like it is, but the second you gradutate, your high school grade concerns are going to be the LAST thing on your mind. Plus, if going to college soon is one of your plans, I can 100% assure you that more schools are going to accept you than you think (i barely graduated high school and got into almost every four year i applied to)!

It's hard to give you any other advice without truly knowing the situation you're in (what your long term goals are and how you plan on getting there, + what's legitimately and physically stopping you), and I don't want to make this conversation all about the things I did (really what's helped things improve for me is just taking time to be okay with going with the flow and getting on medication, lol) but you shouldn't feel like you're trying for no reason. It might be confusing, you might feel lost or even abnormal under the circumstances you see around you, but graduating high school is a weird transition period in life ANYWAY and feeling confused about where to go is normal (I can bet that junior with 4.0 is stressing so hard about their future, too. You're both working hard, just maybe for different things! You're honestly very brave to admit this, a lot of people keep these emotions to themselves and sometimes until it's too late to fix them).

You have so many options ahead of you. Even if you don't know what they are yet, or it takes a lot of patience to find them, this isn't the end of your happiness nor should you internalize it feeling that way. Whether your future consists of taking time off for yourself OR staying in school, working, traveling, volunteering, or etc., in any order and in any way you want, you deserve to be kind to yourself as you make the journey of figuring out what it is that you enjoy doing. You don't have to have all the answers right now, many of them will come with time, and even if they don't, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong nor need to compare yourself to others.

All in all, I hope this wasn't a waste of a read for you. Really I'm sending all my love and tons of luck your way...!! I know what it's like to feel like there's no conclusion to something that requires one, but just as I learned (and we all do, eventually) to be okay with proceeding to no end, you will too. And in a way that will bring you so much joy!🩵🩵🩵

Thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to speak on these questions. I'll always be here if you need anything or have anymore questions, and I'm excited to hear about whatever you decide to do next, whenever that may be! It will come.

#AHHHH I HOPE I ANSWERED ALRIGHT i always get choked up with questions like these #i have so much to say its hard to boil down i never know if i do it alright #plus it should be about u!! not abt how i managed!! i was just chilling lol!!! #which is essentially just to say: dont stress my love! time will work this all out for you <3 just gotta keep on swimming #as they say #anyway mwah mwah even if this does nothing i love u berry dearly i hope u get help i hope you find passion wherever u go #because i know u will #and that you'll share it with the people around u when u do #🥺🥺🥺 #caitie answers #anon

[yuna-writes]

Social Skills

Some of the biggest mysterious I couldn’t really piece together or articulate well was my childhood. I couldn’t really understand the reason why, but I think I pretty much suppressed much of my childhood memories because they were too painful to deal with. A few days ago, I started to remember what my childhood was like and tears fell from my face. But then realized those tears have been about 15 years late. 

I think I couldn’t really bond with my classmates in high school because my interests wasn’t really mainstream or well known. Either way, I missed out on opportunities to develop social skills because of this. I’m not sure who to blame, but it could be on both sides. I may not have developed enough social skills to make more effort to pick up on popular or mainstream interests, but I also felt like other students weren’t very open to diverse interests. If you don’t have popular interests such as partying and hookup culture, than you were considered a weirdo or outcast in school. I always felt like this coldness from other students, but I think the more reasonable answer is that the students are not really being cold. They just weren’t able to find common interests to bond with someone. I always did hear about those stereotypes about nerds being anti-social or lack social skills, but I think the reason is that many nerds have very different interests that isn’t well known so they can’t form relationships if no one knows about it or understand them. Some nerds also struggle to participate in mainstream hobbies and interests. 

The ostracization was very challenging to deal with. Regardless, when kids have a bad day at school, home life usually balances things out when they have parents to depend on and ask for help. My home life was also pretty cold as well. Cold in a way in which my parents were not the emotional type because it was viewed as weakness. Therefore, I had no one to talk to in the household. I had past resentment toward my parents for their emotionally absent parenting, but I also discovered they also grew up with traumatic experiences and raised by parents who were also emotionally unavailable to them when they were kids. In modern language, we call this ‘generational trauma.’ In other words, unresolved trauma passes on to the next generation. As an adult, it makes me a bit more empathetic and understanding for my parents, but I’m still left being quiet shattered by that experience. 

I suppose many people would wonder how did I get by not having anyone to talk to? I didn’t talk to my parents because they weren’t the ‘loving type’ of people. They associate ‘love’ with just food and shelter. I spent several years in school with no friends. Pretty much, I was existing by being alone. Imagine someone had a child who had no friends to talk to, and no parents by their sides to support them. I can imagine the child will start to develop psychological problems. The things that pretty much ‘saved me’ was really reading fictional books and escapism into fantasy. I guess that sort of made me into a really creative person today. I always see people trying to find a resolution for their unresolved trauma, but I also think it just starts to become a blaming game. There’s some truth that a person definitely contributed to someone’s trauma, but the situation can be described in a way that it could be everyone’s fault, even the person who’s pointing the finger had also hurt someone else in the past. That’s why I haven’t really complained or felt that I was the victim. I had some self destructive behavior in the past which wasn’t healthy, and along the way, I have also caused some emotional damage to other people based on the traumatic experiences I’ve dealt with. 

My question would be, how does this cycle of suffering end? Most people say you need love and forgiveness in your heart to find a resolve for past trauma. But what if the person was never taught those emotions the day they were born? Love is a very subjective and abstract emotion. My parents believed love was just food and shelter. Meanwhile, there are emotional and loving parents, but they don’t know how to take care of their children to live in a stable household with decent shelter, food and safety because they are poor. I understand where some people are coming from that I lack certain empathy, because empathy derives from a sense of unconditional love. It’s just the love I was taught wasn’t what the majority believe in. I was pretty much taught on ‘pragmatic love.’ 

#notes

[wanderinglotus7]

Press Replay

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy belated New Year...I guess. I’m not sure if I wrote a recap post from last year. If not, here it is lol. Two months into 2023 and I’m living in my joy. During the summer I said I want to live in peace, and I been living in peace since I gain stability in my life. Though October is an emotional triggering time for me, I declared that I want to live in joy. And reflecting back, I DESERVE PEACE & JOY! 2020 to 2022 were doozies for me. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it this far. I know for sure that my faith in God helped me overcome my challenges and helped me make some tough decisions. Those years taught me how strong I am and how far my love goes. After October I feel like a new woman. Similar to 2018, I made space to love myself again. I renewed the confidence inside myself that I pushed aside in order to adhere to the needs of others. I’m being more intentional in how I take care of my needs. Like Miley Cyrus says, “I can buy myself flowers”.

It is the 7th month mark of me being employed at BIDMC. The time is actually passing by fast. Soon I will be celebrating my 1-year anniversary with Adelante and the Center for Violence Prevention & Recovery. I’m not sure if I would label this as a roadblock, yet I’m questioning my “WHY”. When I say my “why”, I mean I’m questioning why I choose to work for CVPR. I know my reasons why I decided to apply for the peer specialist and social work advocate positions with Adelante. However, if Adelante didn’t exist, and the position as a social worker was open with CVPR would’ve I took interest in the open position. Would I even apply? I started thinking about this about a week or two weeks ago. Flipping thru the pages of my social work (SW) journal, I wrote down Adelante’s job posting three times, so I have no doubt that God called me to this program. During the interview process I think I unconsciously ignored the job responsibilities associated with CVPR. It’s like things have flipped over these past months. My first 3 months I was engulfed in a CVPR bubble. Once things started to settle down around late September to mid-October, I found myself in an Adelante bubble which I’m not complaining about because I had so many questions on what I was supposed to be doing regarding my Adelante clients. And then the concerns around the programs funding was holding space in the back of my mind [and still does a little bit]. With the increase in pay and a revision/renewal of the MOVA grant that CVPR receives, and the fact we can’t afford to lose any more staff, I still have a job at the end of June 2023. I’m not sure if I could sustain myself working a full time On-call schedule. Thinking about it, it feels like I’m back interning in the Intake department at Samaritan House except CVPR receives everyone from underneath the sun even though they may not fit the program’s criteria, CVPR overextends itself to help EVERYONE.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help those in acute distress, but when is enough enough...you know? BURNOUT. COMPASSION FATIGUE. Out of the blue I became sick which sucks. Yet, I believe this is God’s way of telling me that I need to rest because I’m doing too much. 8am to 5pm in the office. A long 5-day work week. Back-to-back with few breaks. Only two days to do what I want, but really can’t because I’m trying to catch up on the adult aspects of my life outside of work. Preparing for my ASWB Master’s exam. Being more active at NewCity Church. Indulging in my hobbies. Squeezing time to socialize in some capacity. Painting a picture for myself at this phase of my life. Creating & reading this list is making me tired hahaha. It felt good leaving work around 2pm after being there since 7:40am, and getting home around 3pm, take a midafternoon nap & still have energy for the rest of the evening. Feels like HEAVEN! I had to force myself to callout Friday because I was still feeling poopy. I’m glad I did because I rested more and got some fresh air, but the wind reminded me real quick that I was still sick. Yet that morning I was tempted to input case notes into the database. I can’t waste a sick day doing unpaid work. Again, I don’t get paid for overtime. If it wasn’t for how the OVC or MOVA grant is written, I could have a Monday to Thursday work schedule (I still meet the full-time criteria for BIDMC SW). Maybe after my 1-year anniversary, I can speak with Cynthia (my supervisor) if I can adjust my work hours. Mon to Thur 8am to 3pm then Fri 8:30am to 5pm (this seems reasonable to me). And still work from home on Wednesdays. On those days it’s still technically 8:30am to 5pm, but I start at 9:30 am to whenever I have my last meeting for that day [TBD].

All in all, I don’t regret my decision when it comes to my career. I work with a good time and receive good benefits. I wish us SW could have more vacation time and separate time for personal (mental health) days, but sometimes you have to give and take. In the long run, I would like to open my own bookstore whenever God calls me towards a different path or maybe when I’m close to retirement. I will sell used & new books along with some treats on some days like muffins, cookies, or brownies. Simple things. Or maybe a soup of the day if I feel like it. Outside of water, I can sell hot chocolate and/or apple cider when the Fall & Winter comes around. Depending on building space, I can host different events like book clubs, author/writer readings, open mic nights, SLAM poetry readings, and etc. I wouldn’t be doing it for the money. I believe everyone should have access to books that’s why I would like one of those mailboxes that are “Take a Book, Leave a Book” too. The simple life I’m telling you. I can create my own hours and I don’t need to hire many employees to help me out either. I don’t mind accepting volunteers.

My reading list keeps expanding lol. It’s like every few days I’m finding new book recommendations to add to the list. I think I have about 22 books on the list and counting. Me and Jada are restarting our mini book club in May. We are starting with one of her picks from her list then we will read a book from list. Right now, I’m in the mist of reading Michelle Obama’s second book. I want to follow that book with a novel called Jesus Feminist. Me knowing me, I’m going to be reading one or two other books simultaneously in between books. Throughout January, I’ve been working on my poetry and started formulating my second poetry collection. I need to revisit my first collection Purple Hearts and pick up where I left off...trying to get established so my collection can be sold on Amazon. I revised a few poems I wrote in 2021 and even selected a few to be used in my second collection. I still want to title this collection Mariposa (butterfly in Spanish). The writing process has been very therapeutic. I want to write more pose pieces. I’m experimenting with writing in different point of views as well as trying my skills in writing from the male perspective. Did some research and figured out what I want to do for my first solo trip. I want to rent a treehouse or cabin in Vermont for a three-day weekend (Sat to Mon), probably during the Fall. This will be like a mini writer’s retreat for myself. Being surrounded by nature in a relaxing environment should give me plenty of space to draw inspiration and creativity to write. I will bring little technology with me just the basics. That sounds lovely to me.

Oh wow! I’ve been in Boston for 2 years and 6 months. WOW! I can’t believe it. I still miss Gloucester, but Boston is slowly growing on me. I like the New England Fall and the energy it brings. Though I miss the Southern humidity, I like how the summer weather here is more like the Spring temperatures back at home. I was never really much of a fan of the snow, and I’m still not. I hate the frigid cold weather especially the negative degree weather we had last week (YIKES). I hate the traffic around here; Boston drivers are the worse, and the lack of parking is a nightmare. No public transportation system is perfect but at least Boston has an expansive one that can get me where I need to be without having to worry about traffic and parking. I like how I can always find something to do either in or outside of the city. I love the diverse food scene it feeds the foodie inside me lol. I wish the cost of living is cheaper, but it is one of those compromises because some of that money is used for public benefit services (I hope so anyway). Racism & discrimination exist here too and not just in the south or in small communities. My inner nerd loves the abundant options available when it comes to education. The dating scene for me hasn’t been the greatest experience. I’ve been able to expand my friend pool just a little bit. I discovered my church community (NewCity Church-Newton). I still have more of Massachusetts to explore.

I did make my 2023 Vision board. I would post it, but I don’t like how it’s in Black & White instead of color. It’s whatever. On this board it displays pictures of what I want phase or stage 2 of my life. Marriage, family, and my dream house. I won’t be having this future with my ex-partner. It took me a while to realize that for myself because I was watching other people near my age experiencing these major milestones when I envisioned myself taking those very steps too. God had other plans for me. I understand that He wanted me to have stability first before I could bring a life into this world or begin intertwining my life with someone else. Yet, marriage & family isn’t end game for me. I have so much more to look forward to, and I’m excited to share these experiences with my husband and children Ahyoka, Hendrix, & Ezra (if God allows Snoopy too). Considering my future, I might be living the early stages of my marriage and children’s lives in Massachusetts before relocating somewhere else. I would love to be closer to family so my children will be familiar with their family and my madre can help me out, but it’s one of those wait see things (opportunities). Whether I remain at BIDMC or not, I’m not sure where I would relocate. Newton is too expensive, and some other areas are too crowded. I want my own privacy. I don’t want to be living on top of other families or be in such close proximity to my neighbors like that. I just want to live somewhere where me and my husband can maintain good prosperous jobs, somewhat of a diverse community, my children have access to a good education and activities, and I can be a homeowner without sacrificing too much of my family and personal free time. 

My short-term goals: pass my ASWB Master’s exam (LCSW); purchase a “real” bed, pay-off my car, move into my own apartment, employed with Adelante for 5 years, take my mother on a vacation, become a partner at NewCity Church, travel to Jamaica & the Netherlands, and have my family visit me in Boston again.

My long-term goals: pass my ASWB Clinical exam (LICSW); build or purchase a home, continue to travel, publish Mariposa, pay-off my mother’s trailer, continue to have a successful career, be a youth/teen minister, reverse my PCOS symptoms, debt free, and continue to build my savings.

#future #prayer #growth #just the beginning

[flirting-with-psychology]

What was the last useful piece of advice that someone gave you? I feel like it was something one of my friends said but I can’t remember How long have you been taking surveys on Bzoink? I don’t take surveys on Bzoink I see. Do/did you ever take surveys on any other platforms? Mostly just tumblr, I think I used to do them on some other website back when it existed As a child, did you ever watch any shows on TV that were maybe too grown-up or a little inappropriate? Not really, I usually watched younger shows that I should have outgrown Do you remember how you were, when you first began to use swearwords? Late middle school or early high scool

Are there any foods or beverages that you loved as a child, but wouldn’t touch as an adult? No Does anyone in your life use terms of endearment a lot when talking to you? My boyfriend and my parents Is there anyone that you communicate with daily, but not in person? Some of my coworkers Is there a hobby you once had, that you’ve now lost interest in? What is it I have had a lot of short lived hobbies. It’s really a challenge for me to stay interested in something Do you get many leaflets pushed through your door? No ^If you do, do you bother to look at them? No Who was the first famous person you recall having a crush on? I think one of the actors who played Peter Pan because I was obsessed with Peter Pan I see. And which celebrities are you crushing on these days, if anybody? Tom Hiddleston, Ben Barnes Do you prefer hobbies that you can enjoy alone, or hobbies that you can share with someone else? Both. But I tend towards solo ones because it’s hard to find people to do them with Is there currently any food in your house that has blue packaging? Pasta The last time you felt down in the dumps, who or what cheered you up? Time I guess lol As a child, what was your favourite Disney movie? It varied ^Is it still your favourite? Probably not What is an essential product that, in your opinion costs more than it should? Rent, healthcare, feminine products As a child, what was your favourite sandwich filling? PB&J ^Is it still your favourite? Yes Have you discovered any new bands or singers lately, that you’re into? AJR Can you recall the last movie/TV show that made you cry? Better Call Saul ^Or do you not tend to cry over such things? I used to not but now I do a little more Do you remember the last occasion when you were out and about and “bumped into” someone you knew? Were you glad to see them? Can’t remember but probably What time was it 4 hours ago? What were you doing at that time? 7:30am, sleeping Do you remember the last occasion when you didn’t expect to like something, but found that you did? What was it? Didn’t expect to like my boyfriend’s gyro that he let me try What is something about social media that bothers you? How it’s all just generic, they all look the same and are mostly ads and algorithms now

#survey

[furiousgoldfish]

Personal post about trauma under the cut, extremely upsetting content, do not read if you had narcissistic parents and don't wanna get triggered, I am very sad and mad and it's hard to talk about this. TW child labor, child torture, brainwashing, death threats, narcissistic abuse.

*

I was a hardworking child, I was happy and excited to work, I wanted to be a part of everything that's being done. I noticed work warranted for people to get respect, food, praise, acceptance, and I wanted to work hard so I too would be a part of that. My family lived in a rural area, they kept animals, grew fields of crops, were always in some sort of construction work, so me always being eager to work was pretty much ideal for them, or you'd think that it was. You'd think that.

I was working eagerly and I realized, that unlike for adults, I don't get respect, praise, acceptance, or sometimes even food. It was for some reason denied to me only. And I was still happy to work because I chased that feeling of personal accomplishment, even if there was no rewards. And again, you'd think this is perfectly convenient and ideal to parents who wanted free labour and to give no recognition or praise in return. You'd think that.

But it wasn't enough for them. Father got this idea to take me out to work with him alone, away from home. I remember the place we went to, only as a place I need burned down to the ground before I could breathe again. It was a demolition-construction of a house, and I don't remember how many time I've been there. All I know is, after first few times, I no longer wanted to go. I begged not to go.

I am guessing my father could not bear the looks of me working happily, or even working silently. Me doing everything I was told was not fun enough for him– so he would give me false instructions. As an easy setup for punishment. I did exactly what I was told, and would get screamed at and beaten up. Then forced to keep working in tears, shaking, terrified, injured, while being further berated. And that was only the start.

Even as a child, I was diligent and responsible about doing work, and I know I was getting things done just fine, because, I was doing the sibling's share of chores too. If siblings were called to work, they would simply mess up on purpose so I would be told to repeat it after them, correctly. Sometimes siblings would have me do it and take the credit, which I didn't mind because working made me feel better about myself. It made me feel useful. My mind was already dissociated from my body to the point where I no longer felt exhaustion, pain, strain, or any physical effect work was having on me. I would get berated and shamed if I showed signs of being tired or strained. So my body disregarded it all.

And yeah, that wasn't enough either. I was still sometimes feeling okay. If I was allowed to work alone, and let my mind wonder, if nobody commented on it I knew it was okay.

So this is where they decided to take a step further and disallow me to feel okay at any point. I was humiliated while working to the point of tears. I'd be ridiculed in front of guests. I could no longer enjoy my own thoughts, but constant criticism, insults, accusations and humiliation was raining down on me at every step. And when I was done, with tremendous effort it took to endure this, I would be told 'It would have been better if you had done nothing.' So my insane effort to endure abuse to get things done, was rendered worthless in a second.

Father kept taking me away to work alone with him, and forced me to listen to his monologues, which I hated, because he was boring, wrong and self-obsessed, but I wasn't allowed to say that, or argue. My silent compliance was never enough. He had to hit me. He had to find something to berate me over. He kept inventing reasons. I would clean his entire garage and he'd move a steel closet I couldn't possibly move and berate me for not cleaning under it.

I had a log thrown into my head, causing a head injury, and I had to keep working. I fell and fractured my shoulder so badly I could barely walk; I was brought to a forest to drag logs around, too heavy for me to lift. I was sometimes orchestrated to get injured; father would start a trailer I was standing on the edge of, and forced me to fall by quickly moving forward just enough. I was still expected to work after that. He hit me with a blunt edge of an axe and berated me for standing there. I was told to 'not expect a lift to the hospital'. I was brought to work while starved, grieving, suicidal. I was lied to about where I was going and what would I be doing, and for how long. I was never allowed to stop working.

And the game of giving me wrong instructions and punishing me for doing it 'wrong' never stopped. I caught on and begged for correct instructions. I would ask to explain, how to do it, to show me, anything. 'HOW OLD are you not to know this? I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BY NOW!' And by his rage, I could tell that if I don't do it any way I knew how, I'd be punished instantly. I had no choice but to try – and of course fail, and feel horribly ashamed for 'deserving to get beat up'. Eventually my brain started shortcircuiting at the simplest tasks, I would mess up because I was in terror. I couldn't think.

At this point, I no longer wished to work for people who would inflict violence on me. And that is when I was quckly informed that if I didn't work, I would be killed. Not in those words. It was 'You have to work if you want to live!' followed by 'We can kick you out and you will starve on the street. Nobody will take you in. There is no place for you. Nobody wants someone like you. You don't deserve to eat if you don't work.' My choices were taken away. If I still refused, the result would be to beat me and force me to work injured, shaking and crying.

All this, for what? I would have been HAPPY to work. I would have been chasing my little daydreams and singing the pokemon tune, and if I was ever praised, I'd be the happiest kid on the block. I was a kid who liked to work. I wanted minimal fairness, minimal acknowledgment. To be a part of the family. Only that.

It just wouldn't do for the narcssistic father. Watching a child be broken, terrified and shaking, crying, ashamed, guilty, working past exhaustion, in injuries, was just too tempting for him to pass up. Even free labor wasn't worth to him as much as the pleasure of child torture. He needed that like it was a drug. What kind of a sick high did he experience, breaking a defenseless kid? What kind of pleasure did it entail, getting someone rid of their natural happiness to work? Was it fun, tearing me into pieces, over and over again? Does he remember it as a delicious, satisfying pleasure? Does he daydream about it? He knew it was wrong; he forced me to stop crying and hide the tears before we went home. 'Don't say anything to your mother.' I was told before being stuffed back in his car.

And now... I can't work. I can't even move sometimes. It was torn away from me. My ability to work was ripped away from my child body when I had no way to defend it or to grab it back and protect what is mine. I can't work anymore. It's terrifying. It terrifies me to not work. Because I was made aware working is the only thing keeping me alive, and capitalism confirms this, so I remain to forever fight with myself about how even if everyone says otherwise, I still deserve to live. Heartbroken, abandoned, with my basic human abilities stripped from me. It doesn't make me deserving to die.

I am so angry and sad. If I had my natural ability to work back, I'd be fine. I would be able to live safely. I wouldn't spiral into feeling like an unworthy member of society. I learned to survive very insecurely like this, but I hate every second of it. To know that instead of this insane uncertainty, anxiety, guilt for being bedridden, guilt for existing and not moving, I could have just found a job, have normal income? I can't bear it. I can't bear knowing this was wrenched away from me, because it was pleasurable to do so, because tearing me into pieces was a fun hobby for people who didn't care if what they were doing to me killed me. And I couldn't have done anything to stop it. And I'm like this now. Unable to take any more torture, unable to endure any more of being triggered, wondering if I would die from lack of resources, or would my body fail permanently in attempts to process all the exhaustion and pain I was dissociated from for my entire childhood.

How was this worth it. How it could have been worth it to anyone, destroying someone's ability to work, only because it's pleasurable. I felt the plan was to work me until I no longer could do it, then kill me. It's what they did to animals. And I was told I was more worthless than an animal. I was called lazy and a monstrous name I can't even translate, that implied I was burdening everyone with my existence.

It was even a bigger punch to my face to realize, after I escaped, that he was profiting from everything I did. That it would have taken money – way more than was ever spent on my survival, to get all that labor done. He was profitting while telling me I was worthless and don't deserve to eat or sleep in his house. He is now renting the place I was broken to help build. I was torn apart and he is still benefiting from it. And I have nothing. Not even a functional body to work with anymore.

I know I'm not the only person who was constantly left alone with narcissists as a child and had this, or worse, done to them. They don't care which pieces of children are left over by the time they're done getting their high. We're only a thing to consume, not living beings, not people, not someone whose life matters. Our pain is food to them. My father readily became a predator who snached his own kid away for torture sessions, and felt proud and fulfilled to turn his own child into a creature who cannot work anymore to survive.

Don't leave children alone with narcissists. I am trying so hard to get better, but facing reality, is this a thing a person gets better from? It's not a bodily harm of once or twice, this was happening for the most majority of my lifetime. It makes sense I cannot move. It makes sense I'm terrified to be triggered into this. It makes sense I can barely bear the reality of it. A person tortured hundreds of times wont just get up and walk away. I can't either. I have to lie here and hope that one day it will get better.

If you read thru all this, and you relate to the parts of this story, know that I am so sorry for what you were put thru. It's devastating and horrenous. If this is how you grew up, it would have been better not to have a family. We all should have been protected from this.

#trauma #personal #i never told anyone about this #don't have the courage #i can only type it online #tw child abuse #tw physical violence #abusive parents #narcissistic abuse #child labor

[paintalyx]

got a couple of extra headcanon asks on my zombie-mode art instagram from my irls. i'm rather happy with them, so i'll repost some here for the sake of archiving and an illusion of consistency. genshin impact round, here we go!

kaeya:

kaeya has dimples when he smiles. this is a hc that my brain came up with at like 4a.m. one night and i haven't been the same ever since. ugh.

self-proclaimed best emergency babysitter ever. he's only mildly better with younger kids (think klee's age) than teens. they think he's cool because of the whole pirate vibe he has going on and because he lets them do stuff other adults don't. he probably didn't get to goof off a lot as a kid, so he's just as excited to try out all the stupid and crazy ideas.

because his brother is diluc ragnvindr, who couldn't tell a lie if his life depended on it when he was a kid, kaeya honed the skill of crafting cover-up stories to perfection. my hc is that growing up, he was the more mature, responsible and cautious sibling, to contrast with diluc, who was kind of naive and reckless, prone to accidentally getting into trouble

he's never been on a proper date nor in a committed relationship (we relate to stan a king with commitment issues). rumours say that he's bedded at least half of mond and he's yet to disprove or confirm them. he tends to joke that it would be a crime to unfairly deprive people of *gestures* "all of this"

he and sister rosaria have a... very complicated relationship. on first glance, one would be forgiven to think that they are good friends. they drink together, talk about philosophy and conspiracies in-between ships of wine, and it seems like they have some sort of an unspoken understanding between them. and that's the thing! takes one to know another! they both have certain suspicions regarding each other, and as much as they find amusement in easy banter that goes on between them, both know that getting close would be nothing but danger

diluc:

jean and diluc had an unspoken *something* going on before diluc left the knights. was it just a crush? was it more? maybe less? they are on good terms even after crepus' death and they clearly still care about each other, but this *something* is always hanging above their heads when they interact

he has freckles!!! they were more obvious when he was a kid because he used to be out in the sun a lot, but you can still see some faint spots over his nose and cheeks (and arms, if he rolls up his sleeves while working)

though he's quick to deny it, he has a soft spot for venti after everything that happened with dvalin. he knows that the bard is sneaking into the winery to steal grapes, apples and wine, but every time he gets caught, diluc's threats sound more like an obligation. there is a lot of banter between, but it's clear that they enjoy each other's company. on rare, special nights, when either of them is feeling like it, they talk about the past.

going off from the previous hc, diluc knows a lot about mondstadt's history and culture. he probably had to learn about it when he was younger, but i like think that he's always been passionate about it. heck, he and jean were probably nerding out about it all the time when they were kids. when he became friends (???) with venti, he got to listen firsthand retellings of so many stories he read about and his love for them only grew

you know bennett, fischl and razor? benny's new (unofficial) adventure team?? well, yeah, they are diluc's emotional support children now because you can't be knockoff batman without knockoff batfam. fischl is his goth theatre daughter. razor is always free to crash at the winery if the weather is too bad for camping. diluc himself has no idea how's it come to this, but, frankly, he should've known what he was singing up for when he didn't correct bennett for slipping up and calling him "dad" the first time

bennett:

drawing your faves with freckles is good for the soul and i have no-self control. bennett is outside all the time, so they are kind of prominent. it adds to his charm!!! (though people keep mistaking him for being younger than he actually is, partially because of them)

he has good luck only in card and board games. but, like... ridiculously good luck. he is practically banned from playing ludo because he has all four figures out before some players can even roll their first six

he will inevitably start calling every older male that sticks around him "dad" sooner or later. he accidentally slips up in front of diluc once and that's so embarrassing, he wants to die— diluc is caught off guard and confused for a grand total of five seconds before he internally goes: "well. guess i'm a father now". almost everyone is surprised when it sticks

he's a surprisingly good writer! he never thought of it as something that he wanted to pursue, but venti's poem class was the kick he needed. early on, he's mostly writing poems and short stories on scrap pieces of paper when he's bored. it isn't until razor offhandedly tells fischl about the hobby and she insists that they need to get him a proper notebook that he starts taking it more seriously. maybe he'll write the next adventurer handbook one day?

he is the kind of guy who can get a crush on anyone who's remotely nice to him (someone tell this boy that standards are a thing). then he never does anything about it. ever. nope. taking it to the grave. he would be extra dense when it comes to romantic advances to boot, so who knows when he'll settle down?

(gotta love my irls. smooches for them. also here's venti headcanon batch in case anyone wants to see it)

#ask #(???) i'll tag it as such for the sake of archiving #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya #diluc #please don't tag as k43luc #spreading ventiluc slash diluven agenda #since i couldn't fit that into venti hc batch #but jeanluc is also good and deserves more content (u-u ) #i'm in multishipping hell in case you couldn't tell #headcanons #genshin hcs #bennett #gi bennett #benny's new adventure team supremacy #i'll spell check all of these after my exam passes

[jakowskis]

i know we're all frustrated with the limited lore we have regarding the four lords but i wanted to put some questions out there in hopes someone has the answers. if not ig we can just speculate, & maybe the answers will crop up via word of the writers eventually or smth

first off, heisenberg's wiki page currently states smth about him being kidnapped as a child. i know there's a lot of talk about "forced to be her children", but is anything canonically mentioned regarding miranda kidnapping the lords, especially with them as minors? either from the village or from elsewhere, considering their diverse last names?

even if something along those lines happened with heisenberg, that just brings up a dozen more questions. like, we know alcina was 44 yrs old when miranda got a hold of her. i don't quite understand how the whole eva-reincarnation thing was intended to work, but apparently the potential "vessels" didn't need to be young girls. lady d's wiki makes it sound like she inherited her family's castle in her 40s (in the 1950s) where she met miranda, was enchanted by her, and willingly allowed herself to be altered by the cadou.

i know there's some (undated) documents you find in the game where someone discusses how miranda took donna in, & i think she's described as a young woman, so that means she was an teen or adult when she was infected, too. presumably an adult, if her aging stopped when she made contact with the cadou like alcina & miranda. i'd consider a theory that she's actually just younger than the others, but everything in her home indicates shes from the 20th century, too. all the lords have an old-fashionedness to them, but alcina's the only one who's time period is confirmed. donna kinda reminds me of the 1920s, actually.

moreau... everything about his dialogue implies childishness. it'd be a solid bet that, if the child kidnapping concept is true, he was a fellow victim. the thing that's throwing me off... he has a tattoo. a sailor tattoo. maybe, before things went crazy, even under miranda's influence and with the mutation, he was able to be semi-normal and even travel and go somewhere modern enough to give tattoos, but i'm inclined to think it's a relic of a past life. also worth mentioning he seems to be somewhat older, as he has gray hair... did he not stop aging as the women have, or was he, again, influenced by miranda as an adult?

karl's in a similar boat with his age, but there's that damn wiki sentence that's throwing me off - kidnapped as a child. was the cadou introduced to his body when he was a boy? did miranda really try her often-lethal experiments on children? has he aged normally, then? we'll guess he's late 40s - was he born in the early 70s, and he really is alcina's little brother? and was he the only one of the lords subjected to that specific hell? taken and experimented on as a child, whereas the other three were willing adults?

despite my confusion over the origin of the kidnapped child concept, this theory does make sense. it especially explains his hatred towards her.

but it also opens up another can of worms. now im thinkin... how awfully convenient that there were four notable families in the area who's most recent descendants happened to be able to semi-successfully bond with the cadou. it makes me wonder.. aside from alcina, and maybe donna as well (namely bc of the gravestone by her home), did the lords actually hail from the families they represent? is it possible miranda gifted moreau and heisenberg the last names of long-gone families who'd once been prevalent in their region, along with the reservoir and factory, respectively, both families had once presided over?

either way, whether descended from locals or outsiders brought in - where are their families? donna's parents are dead, okay... how about the rest of them? surely all four of them don't have absolutely no family at all. which, in line with what i just talked about... is it possible heisenberg was taken from his family as a kid? i doubt miranda would have the decency to exclusively seek out orphans.

then there's his line about "she took me. took us." (which also lends to the concept of him being a child when he got dragged into things, as adults are less often "taken".) i get the feeling 'us' doesn't mean the other lords, whom he disdains. maybe, karl was abducted with one or more biological family members, and the cadou experiments proved fatal with them? it could further explain why he hates miranda so damn much, and the way he's the only one who understands that she doesn't truly care for them. the others only saw what she had "gifted" them - whereas, perhaps very early on, karl lost something precious to him at the hands of miranda. maybe he was the first to see her monstrous side.

and if miranda did sort of raise him, where'd he learn the engineering? donna's an amateur botanist, alcina paints & had enough knowledge of science to successfully make her daughters, and moreau's an amateur (and unsuccessful) scientist as well... did heisenberg teach himself, like the others seemingly taught themselves about their hobbies? or maybe did miranda, brilliant in her own right, teach him in an attempt to bond? would she care enough to? doubtful, but maybe she felt compelled to, in an attempt to win him back, after killing off that hypothetical family member (or members?).

there's so many loose ends... it's both frustrating, and incredibly stimulating. i love puzzles lol

#resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #karl heisenberg #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #mine #txt #re8 #meta #lore