Tumgik
#that’s we call in the biz a sexy move
cinema-tv-etc · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
How Do These Celebs SIZE Up?
Do you ever wonder which celebrities have the biggest and smallest penises in Hollywood? Well today you’re in luck! Here at Mr. Man we love penises of all shapes and sizes, and we’re celebrating the delish diversity of dongage with the 20 biggest celebrity growers and showers! Only A-listers actors made the cut (or uncut!) and the results have been verified by our dedicated team of guy-ientists. Those are guy scientists for you non-academics. Hit the list below to check out the sexy celebrities with the biggest and smallest penises in Hollywood!
Watchmen star Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is one of the most well-endowed men in Hollywood, according to a list compiled by Mr. Man, a database for male celebrity nude scenes.  The Emmy-award winning actor who can also be seen in the Netflix historical legal drama The Trial of the Chicago 7, is included in “Hollywood Showers” list. “During this award season, we thought it would be fun to recognize the actors who dare to bare all,” says Phil Henricks, an executive at Mr. Man.  “We didn’t feel the need to hand out trophies as these men have already been gifted with the best prizes of all.”
The experts at Mr. Man were satisfied as well. , they chose him among their 10 “Showers” in Tinseltown.  Viggo Mortensen, Ben Affleck, Colin Farrell, and Ewan McGregor also make the well-hung club.
Michael Fassbender, best known for his starring role in the X-Men films, appears on the list for his full-frontal scene in the 2011 film, Shame.  “The German race car driver turned actor is probably not as well known in America as the other men on our list,” reflects Henricks. “But judging from the impression that he made on our team, he should be.”
Among the Growers list are Tom Cruise who appeared nude in 1983’s All the Right Moves, Jude Law from 1999’s The Talented Mr. Ripley, Leonardo DiCaprio in 1995’s Total Eclipse and Tom Hardy who bared all in 2008’s Bronson.  “We applaud the Growers, too,” says Henricks.  “At Mr. Man, we appreciate all shapes and sizes.”
#1: Ben Affleck
It’s no secret that Ben Affleck is one of the sexiest men in the biz we call show. But did you know that the real-life DILF has the biggest penis in Hollywood? It’s true. He surpasses even the legendary Michael Fassbender (who seemingly fluffed for his Shame role). For a look at what Ben is packing, check out his massive member in Gone Girl. Ben there, hung that!
#2: Michael Fassbender
Michael Fassbender’s legendary cock has received ample time in front of the camera thanks to his brazen full-frontal performances. Michael really put other actors to shame in, well, Shame, when he flaunted his huge swinging penis. Raise your hand if you want more Fassbender dick!
#3: Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
The talented and sexy actor Yahya Abdul-Mateen II em-bawdy-ies Watchmen’s Dr. Manhattan like no other man can. He lends his perfect, thick penis to the role of the famously naked Dr. Manhattan in multiple mouthwatering scenes. Do we like seeing him naked? Um, Ya...hya.
#4: Liam Neeson
We’re Taken… by Liam Neeson’s cock! Now we know where the horse-hung Irish actor gets his swagger from. Liam Neeson’s full frontal scene goes down in Under Suspicion, when he makes a mad dash across a lawn with his thigh-slapper on full display. Just… wow.
#5: Ewan McGregor
Ewan McGregor is one of the nudest actors in Hollywood, with over a half dozen frontal performances under his rarely-there belt. And with his impressive package in Young Adam, this sexpot is an example of quality and quantity! When it comes to Ewan, we all win.
#6: Omar Epps
Omar God! Omar Epps is definitely an actor who we want to see more nudity from. But at least he blessed us with a great frontal nude scene in Conviction. We’re convinced that he’s one of the most well-endowed actors in Hollywood!
#7: Viggo Mortensen
Viggo Mortensen has delivered decades of dudity, first showing off his thick penis in 1991’s The Indian Runner, and most recently in 2016’s Captain Fantastic. That cock? Fantastic!
#8: Antonio Banderas
Many fans might not know that Zorro himself is packing an impressive sword. Antonio was just a twink when he showed off his genuinely thick sausage in 1982’s False Eyelash! And don’t get us started on that sexy au naturel bush. Just don’t okay.
#9: Colin Farrell
A man with a dashingly handsome face, dreamy eyes, perfectly toned bod, and an extra long dong might seem too good to be true. But that’s exactly what you get with Colin Farrell! Porn fans can check out his sizable soapy cock in Triage.
#10: Justin Theroux
My man’s lingerie? Grey sweatpants. Justin Theroux made headlines for his bobbing bulge in The Leftovers, but to see what he’s actually packing, check out Justin’s impressive frontal shot in Eight Inches Under. We mean, Six Feet Under!
#11: Robert De Niro
The legendary actor Robert De Niro was about as studly as they came when he was a young Hollywood hotshot. We think that his sexy cock, as seen in the Bernardo Bertolucci movie 1900, might contribute to his confidence.
#12: Harvey Keitel
This accomplished actor made a name for himself with his brazen nude performances. You can peep Harvey's hog in unforgettable scenes in Bad Lieutenant, The Piano, Ulysses’ Gaze, and more!
#13: Alexander Skarsgård
Arguably the hottest member of the Skarsgård dy-nasty isn’t afraid to serve up his Swedish sausage. Alexander shocked audiences by delivering full frontal nudity in a True Blood scene that’s straight fire.
#14: Daniel Craig
If you look up “daddy" in the dictionary, you won’t find a picture of Daniel Craig. That’s not how dictionaries work. But if you check him out in Love is the Devil, you will see one of the hottest daddy cocks in Hollywood when he lets it all hang out in the tub!
#15: Richard Gere
Richard Gere proves that it’s not the size that matters, it’s how you use it. The retro heartthrob bravely bared his bits in the aptly named movie American Gigolo. Now that’s what we call kicking things into high Gere!
#16: Tom Hardy
This British babe loves showing off his pint-sized package to anyone and everyone. Shia LaBeouf even claimed that he and Tom once wrestled fully naked! Tom Hardy boldly bares it all in some of the most memorable nude titles here at Mr. Man, like Colditz and Bronson. Hardy will leave you hard!
#17: Tom Cruise
Now we know why things didn’t work out with Katie! Throughout his career Tom Cruise tried his best to hide his package from the camera, but in 1983’s All the Right Moves, he briefly slipped audiences his Cruise missile. Tom’s nudity has us jumping (on the couch) for joy!
#18: Jude Law
Jude Law was every gay boy’s crush in the ’90s, but many people don’t know that he showed off his goods on screen. Jude Law’s best penis shot can be found in the homoerotic The Talented Mr. Ripley. With a face like that, does penis size matter… like at all?
#19: Leonardo DiCaprio
Back when he was a mere twink, industry favorite Leonardo DiCaprio delivered a surprising frontal scene in Total Eclipse. He was only twenty-years-old when he showed his fun-size cock and balls while standing on a roof fully naked! See, you can be a ladies man, even without the gland.
#20: Terrence Howard
We’re certain that he’s simply a grower and not a show-er, but that didn’t stop audiences from commenting on the shocking size of Terrence Howard's penis as seen in Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Maybe in Terryology (Howard’s unproven math theory) three inches equals a foot!
https://www.mrman.com/top10-biggest-smallest-dicks-hollywood
Mr. Man is an adult entertainment website and database of male nude and sexually explicit scenes from mainstream movies and TV.  It launched in 2013, 14 years after its parent site, Mr. Skin.  Its collection includes more than 8,000 stars, 90,000 photos and video clips and a vast selection of curated films and TV shows in full HD video.
You can watch every scene now with a FREE Mr. Man account!
39 notes · View notes
Text
Being the daughter of Christian conservative parents who love conspiracy theories, I did the only rational thing I could think of...
I got my first shot of the vaccine today without telling them 😂😂
31 notes · View notes
tobermoriansass · 3 years
Text
Beautiful World, Where Are You is set in the aftermath of a blockbuster success that sounds not unlike Rooney’s own. Alice Kelleher, a 29-year-old novelist, has come to the west coast of Ireland to live in a big borrowed house and get away from the international pageant of literary publicity (she takes planes, not trains). She has a million euros in the bank and has just had a nervous breakdown, which left her in hospital for a few weeks: ‘I felt very out of control ... I was just extremely angry and upset all the time. I wasn’t in control of myself, I couldn’t live normally. I can’t explain it more than that.’ Normality has totemic significance in Rooney’s writing: her characters either think of themselves as ‘special’ – that is, smart and sensitive but stranded among normal people – or they yearn to be normal rather than fucked up and damaged. There is a relentless keeping score on this account, not only of who is a ‘normal’ person but of who is a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘nice’ or ‘evil’ person. Every action, every bit of behaviour, may reveal an essence. It’s a strange way of portraying characters who are basically innocent and not in the least weird.
How much you enjoy Rooney’s novels – enjoyment is the point, and there’s no denying her broad appeal – depends on your attitude towards her characters. I’m not talking about likeability, or the moral status these people are constantly calculating, or their relentlessly avowed leftist politics: that’s fine – plenty of people talk a radical talk and live their lives as complacent liberals. I mean simply: are they interesting? On my scorecard, Frances and Bobbi come top: Bobbi because she shoots her mouth off a lot and doesn’t seem to give much of a fuck what anybody, except sometimes Frances, thinks of her; Frances because of the tension between her self-image as a virtuous victim (of her father, of the patriarchy, of capitalism, of her own body) and her obvious selfishness, by which I mean her hunger for literary success and for Nick, the husband of her mentor Melissa.
Reading Normal People sometimes feels like doing maths problems, since Marianne and Connell seem less like people than a quivering set of power dynamics. At school, she’s richer than him, but he’s more popular. Their relative popularity switches when they go to university, where wealth is more salient than amiability. He’s taller than her new boyfriend, but the new boyfriend is loaded: who would intimidate whom? When Marianne gets back from a semester in Sweden, she’s skinnier than she used to be. A point to Marianne. In academic achievement it’s a draw, but after the suicide of a schoolmate Connell inches nearer to Marianne on the trauma scale, Marianne having had a headstart thanks to her violent (now dead) dad, not to mention her shit of a brother and nasty mother.
The closest thing to a saint in Rooney’s novels is Lorraine, Connell’s mother and Marianne’s family cleaner. The ‘house is never really clean anymore’, Marianne thinks after she leaves to take a job at a hotel. Lorraine’s love, and the absence of a corrupting father, is understood to be the source of Connell’s virtue. Her analogue in Beautiful World is Felix, the working-class Joe with no path up through the meritocracy – an ‘evil’ system, Marianne and Connell agree in Normal People as they skate to the top. He is the novel’s most interesting character, as well as its least coherent. Scorecard: Alice discovers he likes ‘rough anal’ porn, which is bad; he shows her a cute squirrel video on YouTube, which is good; he had some dodgy sexual relations as a teen, bad but forgivable; he seems to be well endowed, also good; his hands sometimes get cut up at the warehouse, quite sympathetic; he, like Alice, claims to be bisexual, very modern; he sometimes gets too drunk and high at the club and makes a booty call, bad but not too bad; he is musical and at a party sings ‘The Lass of Aughrim’ as someone does in Joyce’s ‘The Dead’, very authentic. Above all, he is uninhibited: he accepts Alice’s offer of a free trip to Rome when she invites him after their second encounter; he asks if she has any good drugs (alas, nobody ever offers her them); he isn’t shy about inquiring how much money people make and how they spend their time. But his openness is less a quality of his personality or class status than a counterpoint to the obvious fact that Alice, Eileen and Simon are uptight.
There is lots of sex. For a good span of the novel, every chapter that isn’t an email climaxes with a sex scene. These weren’t my thing. Relayed in a cold third person, they lack the emotional point of view of the sex in Rooney’s earlier books, which are sparer and less porny. They sound not unlike moving furniture, and have something in common with a couple of scenes of Felix sorting packages at the warehouse. There’s a lot of ‘entering’ and not much kissing. I wondered if Rooney has ever read Don DeLillo’s White Noise, in which Jack and Babette in bed make fun of ‘entering’ as a euphemism for fucking. The word ‘whimpering’ comes up with reference to noises both Alice and Eileen make: I couldn’t tell if this was meant to be sexy or a joke. Either way, I refrained from laughing.
But I did laugh a lot at the emails between Alice and Eileen, because they are pretty vapid: embarrassing to read and perhaps to have written. It’s true that people send one another articles and other trivia over email all the time, but why make characters in a novel exchange Wikipedia pages before veering into discussion of their love lives? I took this as a sign of laziness on Rooney’s part but perhaps it’s a mark of her genius for the broad stroke. Either way, she partakes of the spirit of political futility that has become a cliché in Anglophone fiction over the past half decade, with Trump and Brexit and heightened anxiety about climate change. In the first of these emails, after some sophomoric ruminations about the landscape of Dublin and the contradictions inherent in right-wing free-market politics being labelled ‘conservative’, Alice describes going into a shop for lunch:
I suddenly had the strangest sensation – a spontaneous awareness of the unlikeliness of this life. I mean, I thought of all the rest of the human population – most of whom live in what you and I would consider abject poverty – who have never seen or entered such a shop. And this, this, is what all their work sustains! This lifestyle, for people like us! All the various brands of soft drinks in plastic bottles and all the pre-packaged lunch deals and confectionery in sealed bags and store-baked pastries – this is it, the culmination of all the labour in the world, all the burning of fossil fuels and all the back-breaking work on coffee farms and sugar plantations. All for this! This convenience shop! I felt dizzy thinking about it. I mean I really felt ill. It was as if I suddenly remembered that my life was all part of a television show – and every day people died making the show, were ground to death in the most horrific ways, children, women, and all so that I could choose from various lunch options, each packaged in multiple layers of single-use plastic. That was what they died for – that was the great experiment. I thought I would throw up.
Having stifled my impulse to thank Alice for her concern about the world’s peasants and to hope that she enjoys a nice lunch, what strikes me about this passage is the latent sadism and vanity at play in imagining that whole populations are being ground to death so that you may be served a sandwich or whatever. This is exultation disguised as renunciation: the world perishing in the service of a princess walking over corpses to the till at Marks & Spencer. It isn’t a big step from here to seeing Alice’s relationship with Felix, that working-class stud from the provinces, as a form of sex tourism. ‘Have you ever been to Rome?’
‘Every day,’ Alice writes to Eileen, ‘I wonder why my life has turned out this way. I can’t believe I have to tolerate these things – having articles written about me, and seeing my photograph on the internet, and reading comments about myself.’ She is aware that her problems don’t add up to a hill of beans in this messed-up world, but she keeps on with complaints about the upmarket lit biz. The other writers are vain, insecure and disconnected from real life. The whole scene is full of ‘bloodthirsty egomaniacs’ and nobody ‘genuine’. She resents the invasion of her privacy and feels alienated from her media persona. She retains faith in the value of writing about sex and friendship in the face of apocalypse, but says her books are ‘morally and politically worthless’. It puts me in mind of something another former literary phenom once said: ‘We wanted to change the nature of American life,’ Norman Mailer told a French television interviewer in 1994. ‘None of us ended up as heroes; we ended up as celebrities.’
15 notes · View notes
hockeylvr59 · 4 years
Text
Birthday Baby || Paul Bissonnette
Tumblr media
Requested: [x] yes [ ] no
Authors Note: So the original request was for “bend over I’m going to put a baby in you” and “tilt your hips up after I cum” with Elias Pettersson but I can’t write smut for him. This request came in after that suggesting that I do those for Biz. I have another request for the first part with a different player so I only used the second one here but hopefully you enjoy. As always when writing about Biz I got a little bit carried away and this turned out much bigger than a blurb. 
Warnings: smut, maybe some cursing. 
Word Count: 1,875
~~~~~~
Dating Paul was easy. It wasn’t that there weren’t challenges, it was that Paul was always willing to listen to you and work through whatever problems arose until you found an outcome that could make both of you happy. He was willing to think outside the box and it was something that made you fall hard for him. 
But there was one subject you knew would be difficult to conquer and though you needed to if you were going to have a future together, it worried you. 
You wanted kids. 
Paul was on the fence about it. 
But since that was a problem for down the road you put off talking about it. 
Then six months became a year and you realized that you couldn’t keep putting time and effort into something if there was no chance of having all of your needs filled in the future. 
So you’d told Paul that the two of you needed to talk and immediately he was concerned. But he’d listened as you expressed your feelings directly, confirming things that he’d insisted he’d known since you started dating. In return, he expressed his fears about having kids. How he was worried he’d make a horrible father, how he was worried his past injuries would negatively impact his ability to provide stability and raise children. 
By the end of the conversation he’d admitted he’d been thinking about having kids more frequently recently, that being with you made him honestly consider having kids for the first time. For now, it was enough. It was more than you had expected and it was enough to assure you that your efforts in this relationship were worth it. So you let those thoughts slip to the back of your mind for a while, focusing on enjoying time with Paul and growing stronger as a couple. 
In the days leading up to your birthday it seemed like there was something on Paul’s mind that he wouldn’t talk about. You were concerned but he’d never not confided in you eventually in the entire time you’d been together so you didn’t let yourself worry too much. 
The morning of your birthday you woke up to a vase of flowers on your dresser and your favorite muffin left for you on the kitchen counter. You’d insisted that you didn’t need to do anything for your birthday but when you arrived home from work you could smell dinner. Paul wasn’t the best chef but he was trying and the effort was what was appreciated. After sitting down to a warm meal and a glass of wine, you’d curled up on the couch next to Paul and you could feel his heart racing in his chest as he handed you your present. 
As you tore the paper off of the box you couldn’t tell if he was anxious because he was worried you wouldn’t like the present or if there was something else. Tucked inside the box was a pearl bracelet and you smiled tilting your face up to kiss him in thanks. It was beautiful and pearls were one of your favorite gemstones so it was perfect. Paul still looked nervous though and motioned that there was something else in the box. Tucked up under another layer of tissue paper was a blue and purple box, clearly from the drugstore and you lost your breath as you read the label. Ovulation Test. Not wanting to get ahead of yourself you looked back up at your boyfriend seeking answers. 
“Paul…” You murmured, moisture gathering in your throat as you watched him. 
“If you want…” He mumbled back, his free hand rubbing at the back of his neck. 
“Paul.” You repeated. “Are you serious?” His brown eyes were warm as he gazed down at you and after clearing his throat he nodded. 
“I know technically I should at least propose first but bear with me on that. But yeah...I’m serious. I think a mini you running around would be pretty cute.” 
There was so much more that needed to be discussed about this but right now just didn’t feel like the right time. Hashing out all of the details could happen when it wasn’t your birthday and since you were still on the pill you pulled Paul to bed without hesitation knowing that any baby-making wouldn’t be happening tonight anyway. 
____
Within a few days of your birthday you’d had all the necessary conversations, made sure that this was something that Paul actually wanted. But once that was settled you tossed your pills. Now it was just a matter of waiting and trying. 
And honestly, you had no idea that trying could be so much fun. 
It wasn’t that sex with Paul wasn’t great before but now, now it was even better. Now everything was heightened just that much more. Now Paul was a man on an even greater mission and it showed. 
Paul held your hips in his hands as he thrust up into you, forcing you even deeper onto his cock as you rode him. 
“God baby you’re so sexy like this.” He grunted. “Bet you’ll be even sexier carrying our baby.” A chill ran up and down your spine at the thought and you whined out about how close you were. You’d already cum once on his tongue and once with him inside of you and a third orgasm was ready to crash down on you. 
Flipping the two of you over, Paul slowed things down a bit, kissing you as he moved in and out connecting your bodies. Even with the slower pace it wasn’t long before you were right at the edge of your orgasm again. And this time it was clear that Paul was right there with you. 
“That’s it beautiful. You gonna cum for me again? Are you going to milk me as I cum, pull my seed deep inside of you so we get you nice and pregnant?” Only sounds of pleasure were spilling from your throat, no intelligible words forming in your brain. Your body was so desperate for him that it was reacting on its own accord, pulling him closer and deeper, aching to feel him spill inside of you. 
Though usually Paul always made sure that you came before he did, this time his orgasm crashed over him just a moment before yours and the sticky wet heat filling you caused you to cum with a shout, an intense orgasm leaving you boneless and sated. 
By the time your brain regained function, Paul was pulling a spare pillow from beside your head and working it under your hips. 
“Gotta tilt your hips up after I cum sweetheart, make sure all of it stays right there inside of you so that we can knock you up.” He reminded, a prideful smirk on his face. He kissed you for a few minutes, rambling about how incredible it was getting to experience this with you before he finally pulled out, doing his best to leave as much of his semen still inside of you as he could. 
____
This time it was his birthday and because it was Biz and you’d finally gotten the news you’d been waiting for you knew that you needed to go big in your reveal to him. The Yotes were playing at home which meant that he had to work on his birthday but you’d managed to fly his parents down to surprise him, snatching his season tickets for the game. 
You knew he was doing pregame and the second intermission on tv so with the help of a few people you had your surprise planned for after his second appearance. Pulling Cam and Yole up to the tv deck as soon as the second period of play ended, you watched as Paul chatted with Jody about the goaltending so far. Soon they wrapped up and just before going off the air Jody spoke. 
“Also I think I heard there was going to be a birthday message for you on the jumbotron, you should probably check that out before heading back to radio.” 
Right on cue, as Paul turned his head to look at the big screen you watched as a series of players and his coworkers wished him a happy birthday. Then your face appeared on the screen with the message you’d recorded for him earlier. 
“Hey there Coyotes fans. You probably know me by now as Biz’s better half. I’d like you to join me in wishing him a very happy birthday because this is a special one. In fact...there’s one more person who wants to say happy birthday but for another year or so I’ll have to do it for them…” Now in addition to speaking to the camera, you were holding up a tiny Bissonnette jersey. “Baby Biz told me to tell you he or she says ‘Happy Birthday Daddy.’” 
Rather than watching yourself on the big screen, you watched Paul’s expressions as he took in the video. How his expression turned soft at the general outpouring of well wishes and then how shock appeared on his face when your video played and finally how tears formed in his eyes as he realized the weight of the information that was just revealed. 
Beside you, you could hear Yole crying and a peek at her and Cam revealed big smiles on their faces. 
Paul cursed and looked at his phone, and you knew in the back of his mind he was desperate to call you but worried about making it back to radio in time. Shaking your head to yourself, you nodded at the crew as you snuck your way over to him. 
“Happy Birthday Babe.” You said, attempting to draw his attention. When he realized you were standing there his eyes went wide and his arms wrapped around you as he buried his head against your neck. “You’ve got a few more minutes. They’ve got you covered in radio so don’t stress.” You assured him. 
“What the fuck was that?” He eventually questioned, though his tone revealed only that he was still processing. 
“I mean go big or go home right?” You teased, scraping your fingernails against his scalp. He let out a shaky breath against you before pulling back. 
“We’re having a baby?” He whispered, awe filling his voice. 
“We’re having a baby.” You confirmed, kissing him softly as you drew his hands to your still flat stomach. “And I’m not sure whether you or your mom are freaking out more.” You motioned to where his parents were standing and Paul let out a gruff emotional chuckle. 
“You flew my parents here.” He mused shaking his head. “You’re something else...you know that right?” He added. 
“Well, it is your birthday. And you becoming a dad is kinda a big deal.” You smirked, laughing as he picked you up and spun you around, joy taking over his expression as it all finally started to settle in. 
“Yeah...becoming a dad is kinda a big deal.” He agreed, kissing you gently before pulling you over to his parents. 
You honestly weren’t sure how you both were going to top this year’s birthdays next year but you couldn’t wait to find out. 
187 notes · View notes
skippyv20 · 4 years
Text
True Empowerment VS ShowBiz
True Empowerment VS Show Biz Hi Skippy & Friends-Last night was a real humdinger in contrasts.  In the USA we had 2 famous female singers being paid a pirate’s ransom to perform at the Superball halftime.  To me they made it into world’s biggest LIVE pole dance and sex venue, showcasing a cast of hundreds, barely dressed while dancing (grinding & writhing) to a fusion of rock and Latin beats.  Families all over this country had spent the afternoon and evening gathering for tasty foods and good vibes to watch the all American favorite Superball.  Over the years the funny commercials and half time shows have grown, creating a big draw for women and kids, transforming this once mostly cave man gathering into a fun winter event for all.   And boy oh boy-what did they get this year?  A frothy show of snippets of sparkling smut.   Almost like being a frog in the pot of water, we were boiling to death before we could jump out!  I have read today about families hurrying their kids out of the TV room as soon as they realized what was happening.  Many were shocked and then just dumbfounded with the visuals coming into their homes faster than a speeding bullet.  Hey, maybe this could be a mid life crisis video for couples in need of pepping up their love life?  After all Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and those were some serious moves. As soon as the last note was played, the usual Hollyweird authorities of lewd started tweeting how empowering the performers were. “You go girl; such "beautiful, powerful sexy females"  etc etc.  This is where I lose it.  How in the world can eagerly showing your duck taped, barely covered crotch be empowering?  (Yes, there are up close photos showing something like that…) I know she has had issues about her rather generous derrière which has been used in her films to her advantage but to just bend over and put it into our faces via the zoom lens was very tone deaf.  They say this was her revenge for her doing months of firming up for her latest film about a pole dancer that didn’t get an Oscar nod.  "I’m bringing Hustler’s to your home!” J-lo called out into the mic.  Thanks but no thanks.  At one point, Shakira made believe her hands were tied with rope while doing her harem dance moves-healthy sex ed, eh?  We all like to be tied up, right?  Both said they were sharing the Latino experience?!  Anyone beg to differ?  Then, like King Kong on the Empire State building J-lo was conquering something as she slid down to the stage.  She sang she was still Jenny from the block.   Is that really you hardly covered in a black leather dominix outfit-no wait-she in all white now spinning on the pole, demonstrating how 50 year old women can do those tricky moves.  A-Rod was going crazy on the infield filming himself with his selfie!  The duck tape must have itched because she was touching that area a lot. Big night for hair wigs for sure-maybe MM should consider this sun streaked blond version.  Bam! Out of the blue they showed an aerial of the female sign in white lights (circle with a small cross) with little girls singing as they streamed out..wait! I can’t keep up…then her daughter in a white frilly dress comes out belting some tune with Mom who is now draped in the red white and blue fluffy flag.  If asked what it was about, I would have to answer, I really don’t know-orgasms?  Maybe J-lo wants us to really like her? What does this say to our wonderful men?!  The whole “me-too” movement with Weinstein and Epstein lawsuits is raging right now.  Where were high paid, level headed, smart, marketing experts with good editorial muscle that Pepsi is paying for?  This is what liberated women think is good for The Cause while working to end world wide female abuse? This is the venue you introduce your 11 year old daughter singing career?  This is dangerously playing with the social/cultural/right and wrong rules men have to grapple with every day, all day long and it is not fair.  Then in a true 180 degree flip, over in the UK, on the same night, we have another view of feminine empowerment.  A beautiful, educated lady who is passionate about improving children’s lives as a mother of 3 can deeply understand, arriving at a global, red carpet evening of awards, wearing a radiant gown of refinement and taste that only adds to the glow of her natural grace, escorted by her loving, intelligent husband, a young and vibrant father and future king.  Wow.  I’ll take what they are having. Over and out Pilgrim. 
Thank you...very well said, and great playback.  Evil walks and dances amongst us.  I don’t understand any of this either.  The performances were degrading.  ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
113 notes · View notes
britesparc · 3 years
Text
Weekend Top Ten #451
Top Ten British Films of My Lifetime
Here we are with another of my semi-regular “this has nothing to do with anything but I just thought about it” lists. Nothing to tie into, nothing to celebrate, just a moderately interesting topic. Hopefully.
I don’t feel like people talk about British films the way they did in the nineties. Maybe that’s just because I'm not a teenage wannabe film director reading Empire anymore so I'm not picking up on a meta-narrative or looking for ways into the industry, but I think it’s more the changing nature of the film “biz”. The nineties proved that there was a functioning film industry in Britain, and the subsequent rise (or return) of huge blockbusters filming here has meant that there’s always a lot of money flowing through British studios and companies. Star Wars, the Wizarding World, and James Bond are just three franchises where, whichever country owns the rights or the IP, there’s still a strong UK flavour to the productions, even if they have American actors and directors. Even indie films get money from all over the globe now, further muddying any attempt to define the nationality of a film. For a long time there, the Coens were making films for Working Title, so arguably they were British films too.
I'm going to insert a depressing caveat here and say that, with Covid shutting the cinemas and the government’s reluctance to offer ongoing support to the industry, there is a chance that our position as a great location or a destination for a raft of production and post-production services may be under serious threat. Like with Thatcherism, we could end up seeing a return to the bad old days of the eighties, when despite stone-cold gems emerging, the industry did struggle. But anyway.
Basically, I don’t always know if a British film is a British film these days, and their Britishness does not get ballyhooed as much as it did 25 years ago.  But all the same, for reasons undefinable (because Lord knows I’m not feeling very patriotic at the moment), I have here decided to list my Top Ten British Films. I’ve focused on “in my lifetime” because, well, it’s easier, and there are fewer huge films that I've missed. But like I always say, I'm not a journalist or a professional film critic, so there certainly are some huge films that I've missed. Off the top of my head, three very big films I've never seen are Naked, Sexy Beast and In God’s Country; maybe they would be on the list. Also, with the 2020 of it all, I've seen virtually nothing this year (Farmageddon and – is it British? – Cats are the only Brit-flicks I saw at the cinema before the Dark Times; if you’re after a review, well, Farmageddon is better). But, look, this is my list and It's utterly arbitrary, as always.
Rule Britannia, etc.
Tumblr media
Paddington 2 (2017): yes, it’s utterly delightful, which we need more of in this day and age, but it’s also exquisitely constructed on a technical level. It's phenomenally well-shot, Paddington himself is an extremely good effect, the scripts are tight, the performances spot-on (give Grant an Oscar!)… honestly, this film is perfect. I try to be arch or cynical but I can’t. It's a masterpiece and it does not get enough love.
Withnail & I (1987): as sublime a piece of screenwriting as you’re likely to find, the film is also bolstered with two stand-out performances for the ages (three, really, if you include Uncle Monty). Simultaneously a hilarious character comedy, a gritty but nostalgic look at a lost decade, and an utterly tragic tale of self-destruction.
Brazil (1985): one of those films that’s disturbingly, increasingly prescient. A grim look at the future through a dirty lens, a visual tour-de-force, Michael Palin playing a delightful monster, pathos, romance, tragedy… almost certainly Gilliam’s best film.
Trainspotting (1996): utterly seminal; stands alongside Pulp Fiction as one of the definitive films of my youth. Boyle’s direction is so assured, Hodge’s screenplay distils an unfilmable novel into something utterly cinematic, and McGregor delivers an unforgettable performance. Cool, slick, funny, strange, tragic, and very, very British.
In Bruges (2008): another film with two people swearing a lot and just having terrific dialogue, this time against an ironically beautiful backdrop. A neat character study, great performances, devastatingly sad, just damn funny. Also inspired my wife and I to take a real holiday to Bruges, so top marks.
Hot Fuzz (2007): probably, on balance, the best of the Cornetto Trilogy, perfecting the intense montage-heavy style but giving us a bigger canvas, excellent action, a neat puzzle box of a plot (the forward-referencing is at its peak here), a series of increasingly amazing cameos, and arguably the best incarnation of the classic Pegg/Frost double act.
United 93 (2006): unlike many on the list, not one I’d relish watching again; a blisteringly tense, heartbreaking interpretation of the last moments of flight United 93 on 9/11. Taking something seemingly unfilmable, Greengrass gives us a thriller of the highest calibre, a director working at the top of his game to make something unbearable but unmissable.
Ex Machina (2014): it’s rare that a film can be a tense chamber piece and also a groundbreaking sci-fi and also a great special effects movie, but Ex Machina is that, as well as a directorial debut (Dredd rumours notwithstanding). Gleeson and Isaac are incredible in their cat-and-mouse relationship, Vikander is a revelation as Ava, and the whole thing is shot through with such assuredness, walking well-trod paths but absolutely giving us something new and interesting.
Notting Hill (1999): I kinda had to have a “traditional” romcom in here, of the kind popularised by the writing of Richard Curtis; I think common logic says Four Weddings is the best but I’ve always preferred Notting Hill as it’s simultaneously more focused (just dealing with Grant and Roberts) but also has a bigger canvas as it touches on celebrity and fame. As a piece of popular writing it’s exceptional; funny and genuinely romantic and moving, with a great central couple you’re always rooting for.
Brassed Off (1996): sneaking into my Top Ten, displacing the likes of The Descent, Richard III, and 12 Years a Slave, simply because its message of resilience in the face of governmental cruelty and its quiet depiction of nurturing northern socialism is striking a chord at the moment. Stephen Tompkinson should have been able to launch a Hollywood career off the back of this performance, and the late, great Pete Postlethwaite is a beacon of tragic, stoic heroism, especially in the climax of the film. The Fully Monty went into similar areas to greater financial success, but Brassed Off is the sadder film, the film that stays with you longer.
Right, there we are; a definitive list. Sorta. I’m kind of surprised there are so many relatively recent films up there; I thought it’d be full of stuff from the late eighties and mid-nineties (I’m note sure why I feel that “mid-nineties” needs a hyphen whilst “late eighties” doesn’t, but there you go). As I flicked through my mental album, however, I realised that a lot of films from that period I hadn’t seen in twenty years or more, and I just didn’t feel like I could justly rank them; A Fish Called Wanda, Time Bandits, The Company of Wolves, Educating Rita, The Cook, the Thief, his Wife, and her Lover, Secrets and Lies, Mona Lisa… all of these might have been included if either my memory was better or if I’d whacked a DVD on more recently.
Anyway, there you. Brits are good at some things. Obviously those things don’t include feeding hungry children or successfully negotiating international trade agreements, but there you go. Can’t have everything.
2 notes · View notes
luci-cunt · 4 years
Text
Me: *has homework and 2 wip’s that I should be working on* 
Also me: *chanting* “Matteo Matteo Matteo”
*Matteo and Rose going to check out some abandoned warehouse chasing a lead* 
Rose: “I need to get a warrant, Matt we should--” 
Matt: “What? Go back? Fuck that.” 
Rose: *pointing at the ‘NO TRESPASSING’ sign* “Matt this is private property we can’t just--” 
Matt: “In the biz we call that a ‘recommendation’.”
Rose: “Riiiight, and what ‘biz’ might that be?” 
Matt: *smashing the window with his elbow* “Breaking and entering.”
--------
*Rose doesn’t have a car cuz he hates driving but he needs one to follow Galatea in*
Rose: “I’m borrowing your car! Thank you!” 
Matt: “Oh, yeah I don’t have that anymore.” 
Rose: “What? It was literally in the driveway yesterday, what happened to it?”
Matt: “Well... when you owe money to some undesirable people and they offer you the choice to loose your arm or car I think most people would pick the car.” 
Rose: “You--what?? Matt--fuck--I don’t have time for this, I need a car!” 
Matt: “What kind?” 
Rose: “What?” 
Matt: “What kind? Brand? I might not be able to get color specifics but I can try if you give me like three top choices.” 
Rose: “Matt I don’t need you to--” 
Matt: *already running out the door* “Don’t move I’m getting you a Ferari--give me twenty minutes.” 
Rose: “I DONT WANT A FERARI MATT.” 
Matt: “TWENTY MINUTES!” 
*twenty minutes later, Rose desperately trying to call people to see if he can borrow someone’s car when he hears an obnoxiously loud engine and then a long honk* 
Rose: “Please tell me he didn’t--” 
Matt: “AND THREE SECONDS TO SPARE! COME GET YOUR KEYS SHE SOUNDS ALMOST AS GOOD AS YOU THANKING ME WILL!” 
---------
*When Galatea becomes Rose’s partner*
Matt: *appears in her living room eating a bowl of her cereal* “Hey--Gal right? You’re the new partner?” 
Galatea: *pulls a gun* 
Matt: “Don’t shoot, I’ll get milk all over this leather.” *thinks for a moment* “well and blood actually--that might be harder to get out.”  
Galatea: *grabs a pen and writes ‘what the fuck do you want?’ on her arm*
Matt: “Ok the fact that you took the time to write ‘fuck’ means I already trust you, I’m gonna head out.” *Starts walking out* “Oh and uh--yeah fuck you I called dibs so back off.” 
Galatea: *Writes ‘gay’ on her arm* 
Matt: *mockingly peppy voice, messing with his hair* “omg are you like... a detective or something you’re so smart”
Galatea: *Glaring, pointing to herself*
Matt: “Oh, my bad--chill.” 
Galatea: *Writes ‘get the hell out of my apartment’* 
-------
*Rose at work when Matt busts in and drops a sandwich from the shop down the street on his laptop and sits on his desk eating his own* 
Rose: “Hi Matt.” 
Matt: “Your ass is looking fantastic today.” 
Rose: *unphased and unwrapping his sandwich* “I’m sitting down.” 
Matt: “But I can see it in my minds eye--it’s what I’m thinking about at least fifty percent of the time--really gets me though the day.” 
Rose: *rolling his eyes* “And the other fifty?”
Matt: “It’s actually split 25 and 25 between your killer thighs and how much I want to--” 
*Smash cut to him outside as the office door slams shut* 
Matt: “Oh come on baby was it something I said?”
Matt: “Wait--Rose I dropped my sandwich, this is serious let me back in. ROOOOSEEEE--”
--------
*Another time Matt crashes Rose’s work*
Matt: “...and this is the point when I realized the cat wasn’t dead--which is great--but now what the hell am I supposed to do with all this--” 
Bill the Intern: *pokes his head in* “Hey Rose I go those--” *goes completely pale at the sight of Matt*
Rose: “Oh thank you! I was just going to ask you’re a life saver, I--are you alright?” 
Bill: *still looking like he’s about to shit his pants* “Uh--yeah, just--uh, here I’ve got to--I have to go--” 
Rose: *frowning* “That was... weird...” *glares at Matt* “What did you do to him?” 
Matt: “Nothing! I swear! Well... ok actually, I sold him weed a couple days ago now that I think about it, he’s probably worried I’m here to narc on him. Ha--as if.” 
Rose: “Technically you did just narc on him Matt.” 
Matt: “Oops.”
------
Matt: *drinks his coffee only after it’s gone cold with absolutely insane amounts of sugar in it* 
------
Some asshole: *talking to Galatea* “Hey--you.” 
Matt: “She doesn’t talk.” 
Asshat: “Why? That’s dumb, I need an answer.” 
Matt: “Does it look like I give a shit sprinkle dick? And if it does--get your fucking eyes checked.” 
-----
Matt: *Will literally get anything in the entire world if Rose wanted/ needed it* 
Rose: “Hey can you pass me that?” *the remote literally two inches from Matt’s hand*
Matt: “I’m not your fucking maid, use your sexy little legs g-man.” 
------
Matt: *gets caught by the killer because he’s a horny idiot* 
Matt: “Ugh I can’t believe I’m gonna get killed by the psychopathic cosplayer from hell.” 
Killer: “Quiet or I’ll chop off your tongue.” 
Matt: “Not the money maker! Also I can’t wait for my boyfriend to stick you in a jail cell, you’re gonna get caught rhino-nose.” 
Killer: “You two aren’t dating.” 
Matt: *holding back tears* “shut the fuck up--I’m dying, let a dead man dream.”
6 notes · View notes
chasingshhadows · 5 years
Text
on michael & maria
Yup, Imma talk about it.
I’m unfortunately well aware of the ~discourse~ on this particular topic, but I have Opinions and Feelings so I’m gonna share them. In this post, I’m gonna follow their relationship from the beginning of the show through episode 1.11 (Champagne Supernova). (The events of 1.13 are a topic that I’ll be addressing separately and a bit more in-depth.)
I am in what appears to be a minority of Malex Roswell fans that thinks the show did a really great job of setting up and seeing through the relationship with Michael and Maria, both in the ways it became physical and the ways it became emotional.
Before I begin, I want to emphasize something about this relationship that seems to bother a lot of people or maybe just go unnoticed: Much of the development between these two, while absolutely present, is not overt and oft times isn’t even on-screen. I get why and how this bothers people because it’s understandable to want to see character development on-screen and not have to infer it from context or subtext, or have to rely on people like me to do the work of going through the season and finding it. Plus, that means it likely falls through the cracks for most casual viewers who don’t take the time to process and analyze the meanings behind what they’re seeing. I get that, and understand that it’s frustrating.
That said, I’m here to play with everything the show has given us, and that includes the subtleties of the Michael & Maria dynamic. I’m a master extrapolator ok.
And just a ~warning~ to the shippers reading this: This post is about Michael & Maria and their relationship and how it builds and grows. This is not an extended diss post on Maria or Miluca, so if that’s what you’re looking for, this post is not for you. That said, I would be remiss in not acknowledging to any Miluca fans reading this that I am a hardcore Malex shipper and can’t guarantee that my bias in that way doesn’t leak through. Just - you’ve been warned.
Also to clarify - when I use the word “relationship,” I do not mean Relationship like, couple. I mean, any two people that interact with each other have a relationship with each other.
TL;DR: Michael and Maria were and are far closer as friends than most people seem to believe before they became involved. The journey of them hooking up, catching feelings, and coming together is marked by progressively stronger signs of affection and attraction. The development is there, if you care to look for it.
And now that my thesis is clear, let me show my work.
Anyway. Let’s start at the beginning.
We learn right as Michael is introduced that he spends a lot of time at the Wild Pony, and that getting arrested for getting drunk and getting into fights there is a common occurrence for him. As Maria runs this bar, this means the two of them spend a lot of time together, likely at odds considering she’s probably the one calling the cops.
The first interaction they have as characters isn’t an interaction at all, and seems to contradict the last assumption, at least in one way. Because Maria sees Alex looking at Guerin and the first thing she says about it?
Tumblr media
She acknowledges he’s “rifraff” but then immediately says she thinks he’s hot. And then at Alex’s dubious look, she tries to justify. Which means that’s something she’s noticed, and the “sex in a truck” is something she’s thought about. And she and Alex have an easy enough relationship even after a decade spent mostly apart that she feels comfortable bringing that up. She’s gossiping about cute boys with her long lost best friend and Guerin is the cute boy on her mind right now.
This, my friends, is what we in the biz like to call foreshadowing.
Now, something that is entirely not stated but is at least tangentially hinted at: Michael is a punchy drunk that intentionally picks fights at the Wild Pony. Now, who do we know who appears to also spend a lot of time at the Wild Pony and are also walking “Hit Me” signs? That’s right, Racist Wyatt & Racist Hank. I’m not saying it happens every night or even every week, but I have to imagine at least a few times over the years, Michael decided to take out his dramatic cowboy angst on the two racist assholes spouting off in the corner. And regardless of her distaste for the violence and her annoyance at needing to call the cops again, I have to imagine that Maria at least noticed that Michael is throwing punches for the right reasons sometimes. (and again, none of this is explicitly stated, but all of the pieces are laid out and it doesn’t take a casual viewer to put them together).
We first see them actually interact at the bar during the blackout and it is hella flirtatious; they’re both smirking, leaning forward, teasing. It’s playful.
More than that though, it speaks to a deeply ingrained familiarity, friendliness, and banter. Michael swipes a bottle from behind the bar - an expensive bottle, apparently - as if that’s just a normal thing for him to do. And Maria doesn’t even try to stop him - sure, she Hey!’s him, but her only objection is, “that’s a health code violation” as she goes about cleaning up the bar and collecting glasses.
Again, I know this is subtle, but it says so much about their relationship before this moment. That Maria lets him grab the bottle. That he hears that he’s caught and just…. continues opening the bottle while making a teasing comment about her power-outage decorations. That she just watches as he takes a drink straight from the bottle. The soft, teasing “Didn’t I ban you for life?”
This isn’t behavior she would allow from just any customer and especially not one who we’re led to believe is a Problem Customer. And their conversation about his tab and such indicates they aren’t like, best friends or anything, but they’re on familiar enough territory that they can joke and tease and steal liquor like it’s habit, like it’s just how they are.
And remember - they both grew up in this town. They’ve probably known each since they were 11 (when Michael was sent back to Roswell) but definitely knew each other in high school. I doubt they ever hung out or even really interacted all that much but they have that awkward “I know too much about you because we’ve been sharing space for 15 years” thing going on.
And now Maria has watched him make a valiant attempt to drink himself to death for half a dozen years and bury his sorrows in anyone that’ll have him. She’s smart, she’s learned her lesson with Chad, she doesn’t just want to be another notch in Guerin’s bedpost.
But, he’s cute and he’s safe, so she flirts.
I mean look at this:
Tumblr media
Like fuck, she’s practically purring.
Tumblr media
Michael is clearly on board with that mood. This is sexy, this is him fully ready to hear exactly what he can do for Maria, this is his mind in the gutter.
He makes a joke - in a super sultry voice, mind you - about being her least favorite customer, to which she laughs while passing him glasses for the tequila (yes, it’s mezcal, I know) he stole.
This is all very friendly, y’all. And that doesn’t mean they’re the braid-each-other’s-hair, tell-me-all-your-deepest-secrets type of friends, but they are friends. Not best friends, but casual friends. Almost a coworkerly-type of teasing affection. They’re two people wholly comfortable with the other, they’re fond of each other. They tease each other but there’s never any bite - it’s playful and fun and easy. They sit on opposite sides of that bar at least several times a week and yeah, Maria has to call the cops when shit gets rowdy, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate Guerin’s personality and presence, or that he doesn’t enjoy the teasing banter with the hottie behind the bar that he knows he has no chance with.
From there, Isobel steals the floor, and Maria is annoyed and not taking shit. She makes a crack about Michael’s drinking, and Isobel makes her move.
And then Maria sees something I’m sure she’s seen before when he’s with Isobel but is still at odds with the Guerin in her mind - she sees Michael being soft, tender, and concerned.
And this prompts Maria, for what I believe is the only time in the first season, to call him Michael.
Jump to the day when both Isobel and Mimi go into institutions. Maria has reached her limit. She’s strung out, she’s had to fall back on her last resort because nothing else has worked and she’s feeling like a failure; she’s feeling lost because her mom has been her rock her entire life. And Michael is actually in a similar place. He’s been trying to protect Isobel, his own rock, from herself for so long, he’s let that destroy himself, his hope, his future, and now she’s put herself in the hands of people he vehemently distrusts because he failed.
So, they’re both here to drown their sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. And again, let’s talk about the fact that Michael gets an entirely different treatment than any other customer that might walk through that door. Because what she sees in that mirror? It’s a kindred spirit. It’s a broken man who’s been crumbling on a stool in her bar for years and who looks just like she feels: like he’s just a step away from shattering.
And this is also Michael Guerin, with whom she shares an easy camaraderie, who she knows can be soft. So, she lets him stay.
One drink. No talking.
She passes him the bottle and he sighs in relief because Maria is giving him exactly what he needs right now. To not be alone with his thoughts. To lose himself a little bit in a haze, to let the alcohol blur the self-hatred swirling in his mind.
And Maria, Maria doesn’t wanna crack. She doesn’t want to fall apart, because she can’t, because it’s her job to hold it together - for her mom, for her friends, for this town. She’s supposed to be the fun, happy friend, the bartender, the good time.
She’s not allowed to break.
But she knows if she opens her mouth, she will. So when Guerin starts to thank her, she shuts him right down.
Tumblr media
Notice that she calls him Guer? Not Guerin. Not even Michael. But Guer. That’s soft, that’s familiar. That’s a nickname, and it rolls off her tongue like that’s normal. Like she’s used it before.
It’s these things, y’all, the little things that truly show us the depth of this relationship. I’ve seen said more times than I can count that Michael and Maria’s connection, their friendship, him “knowing her”, her feelings - that they all came out of nowhere. That these two went 10 years without liking each other or being attracted to each other and ~one day~ it all just changed. And that’s just not true. This thing between them, it’s been there, simmering, slowly building. The signs are there if you know what you’re looking for, if you know what it looks like before two people that know each other fall into bed, before they catch feelings.
And y’all, these two? Are a veritable construction zone of signs.
What happens next is pivotal to this relationship. Because Maria was right, opening her mouth was a catalyst and she starts to crack, and then loses it completely.
Tumblr media
And this, this is new for Michael. Maria never cracks, never cries. She’s a firecracker and a half, fierce and strong, she commands the room, and never shows weakness. It takes him a moment to catch up to what he’s seeing and then-
Tumblr media
This is so soft. He lets out a comforting “hey” as he wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, holds her tight. Tries to give her the stability she’s clearly lacking, lets her lean on him for support.
He’s there for her. He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t try to tell her it’s ok. Doesn’t cross any boundaries. He’s just there, just present, and lets her take what she needs from him in that moment.
This, again, proves the depth of their bond. Their friendship. Maria wouldn’t let any deadbeat from the bar touch her like that, especially not in a moment of weakness. And Michael wouldn’t offer unconditional comfort to anyone either - he’s not cruel by any means, but few people rank high enough to deserve his kindness. But here, Maria not only lets Michael hold her, she leans in, grabs at his jacket, settles in close.
She trusts him, and he cares for her.
And you can see even as he holds her, he’s still confused. He’s still not entirely sure what’s happening, but he pulls her closer anyway. Because she needs it.
Tumblr media
This a turning point in their relationship. This is the moment they go from banter friends to comfort friends. The moment their friendship deepens from something fun to something warm. Something real.
A few weeks later, they’ve both come off their respective cliffs. Maria has come to him for help. And as we learn at the end of the episode, there’s an emotional attachment to her request. This sign is special, this sign specifically is important to her - and she’s trusting Guerin to fix it.
Now we know that “no once can fix a car as fast as” Michael, and that Isobel, at least, has a habit of calling him to fix things for her, but what this tells us is that Michael also likely has a reputation around town as a fixer, as a handy man. Enough, at least, for Maria to know Michael can fix this. And between his reputation and her experiences with him, she knows him to be dependable and reliable enough to do this for her.
They’ve fallen back into their banter because it’s easy and it’s not heavy. Because they’re still Maria and Guerin even after a moment of tenderness. Because this is natural to them.
Now, Michael says something that apparently confuses people. Because Max says, “Dude, tell me you’re not sleeping with Maria,” and Michael immediately shoots back with, “Never!” And to some, I suppose, this feels incongruous with his behavior in the next episode. And all I really have to say to that is if I truly “never” slept with any of the people I’ve said I would “never” sleep with, my List would be like…. half as long.
Anyway, Michael brings the sign to the bar later that same day. Which is significant because - remember what else is going on that day. Isobel nearly died. He’s been running all over town with Liz and worrying about losing his sister - the single most important person in his life - and still, he made time to fix Maria’s sign.
He and Max left the junkyard right after Maria dropped it off, and we saw him at the hospital, then chasing down Liz, then taking Liz to his bunker, then to the cave, then he ran back to get Isobel from the hospital.
Which means after Isobel went into the pod, Michael went back to the junkyard to fix Maria’s sign. Just as much because she needed it as because he needed it. He needed to do it, needed to not fail someone he cared about that day. Needed to have something to show to himself that he could fix things, to prove to himself he could fix Isobel.
And when he drops it off, Maria notes how fast it was, having no idea just how fast because she doesn’t know everything that happened that day. He reiterates that he could have made her a new sign, but what he means is that he wants her to know that he would have, for her. Max once said that Michael has never done anything for anyone, while we all know that that line was a flaming pile of bullshit, it’s true that Michael isn’t someone to offer his help to just anyone; he’s picky about the people deserving of his effort and he’s letting Maria know she’s one of them.
And she softens. She opens up. Explains the real reason she needs this sign. Let’s Michael see a glimpse of something she hid from her own best friend.
It gets heavy for a moment, which is a territory they’re still figuring out how to navigate. Maria “hmms” at Michael’s “beacon” comment and he aptly puts together that that’s all she wants to say on the matter. He redirects them into more familiar territory with a teasing joke to break the tension and Maria follows him there with a, “Jerk” and a poorly disguised smirk.
It’s comfortable. Easy.
Six weeks pass before we see them together again, though it’s certainly not the first time they’ve interacted, judging by the fact that Michael has racked up another bar tab.
Maria greets him coolly - whether that’s because of her mood re: her mother, or because Alex is there and Alex has already expressed discomfort at being around Guerin (see: human trio reunion scene) is unclear, but she does greet him. Even if she’s a bit prickly, he still warrants her attention just by walking in the door.
And this may be some of my own projection, but it also speaks a little to me of Maria starting to catch on - subconsciously, at least - that she might have feelings for Michael. After my own experiences with the Chads of the world, I tend to react defensively around people I start to fall for, including being actively cool around them. It’s not pulling pigtails, not quite, but more I’m-terrified-of-you-finding-out-I-have-feelings-and-rejecting-me-so-I’ll-be-extra-unfriendly-so-you-think-I-don’t-like-you.
Michael is flirting - stung, from Alex’s rejection, and trying to get lost in a distraction - but Maria lets it slide right off her.
When we see them again in Texas, it’s awkward, but not because of them. Max and Liz are seeing each other for what appears to be the first time since her declaration that they are not meant to be, after having promised to save the life of the woman who killed her sister because she can’t stand to see Max hurt. So. It’s awkward.
Michael recognizes this immediately - having spent significant time with Liz who I’m sure pointedly refused to talk about Max, and at least some time around Max even before the 4+ hour drive in which he was fully back on his broody bullshit - so he tries to cut the tension by teasing flirtily with Maria. Because that’s a thing he can do. Something that’s natural and fun for them.
Maria teases right back, likely having seen at least some of Liz’s side of this, and makes her subtle exit, knowing full well Michael would join her and leave the two lovebirds to their awkward hello.
Note that when Michael goes into the tent to have his hand healed, he goes in with Maria. Not Max, whose idea it was. But his friend, Maria. Which means they spent the long wait in that line together. She clearly needs proof - or disproof - of Arizona’s powers as much as Max, but we all know what Michael’s hand means to him, and that he was willing to have Maria there while discussing it, potentially having it healed says, again, so much about their friendship.
Arizona talks about Michael reopening the wound in his mind and he looks to Maria for reassurance. And Maria gives that to him, freely and warmly. Organically. And you can see how much that little act helps him, that he’s able to continue forward knowing she’s there.
Tumblr media
And when Arizona essentially blows them off, Maria - who is here, remember, to find a way to heal her own ailing mother - offers Michael the comforting shoulder rub, the defensive “Come on [let’s get out of here]”.
Tumblr media
When Maria is upset, following Arizona’s reveal as a fraud, it’s Michael, not Liz, her best friend, that follows her. For all that Michael wanted to go in guns blazing and confront her before, he’s ready to walk away when he sees that Maria is upset.
And no, Michael is not the arbiter of friendship, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with supporting someone when they’re upset. He doesn’t know, as Liz does, that Maria does not need that, so this is his way of trying. Maria is important enough for Michael to try.
And thus gets us to my favorite scene of the Michael/Maria saga.
Tumblr media
She says with a teasing smile on her face. She says with a fond glance at Guerin.
And his wink says he knows and he’s playing along.
When she gets up, Michael is concerned. Asking Liz if she’s going to follow her. “Don’t you think she needs a girlfriend or whatever?” Because Michael wants to make sure Maria is being taken care of.
And then.
And then.
Tumblr media
I just. Cannot get over. This look. This is awe, this is wonder, this is heat. This is Michael for the first time seeing Maria, seeing just how strong and fierce and powerful and beautiful she really is. This is The Moment that Michael stops thinking of Maria as a fun, flirty friend, and starts seeing her as something more. As someone he might be able to really fall for. As someone who maybe, just might, be able to fill the void left behind by Alex.
And so he just stares. He cannot take his eyes off from her y’all. The whole rest of this scene is Michael just fixated on the marvel that is Maria DeLuca. He’s watching her the entire time Liz asks Max to dance. Watching her sing upon that stage. Hell, Liz has to grab his face to get him to look away and still his eyes find her again.
Tumblr media
And Maria, for all her teasing and banter, is the one to make the first move. She extends her hand to Michael, beckons him forward and:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Imma just let that speak for itself.
She doesn’t just do it once those, she reaches for him again, just gently touching him, making contact. And it’s not just comforting contact like Michael did when she cried, or when Maria touched him in the tent. It’s not even really friendly.
No, it’s decidedly sensual. Sexy. She’s touching him in ways that are meant to illicit a reaction.
And it’s a reaction she gets, when Michael follows her from the bar.
Tumblr media
Look at that smile. She’s teasing him, but you can see she’s happy that he’s chosen to be there, out there, with her. This is the face of a woman who’s just drunk and high enough to forget her reasons to stay away, and is just letting herself be giddy that the person she likes is here with her. She’s not thinking about her worry of being another one of Michael’s one night stands, not thinking about not letting herself get attached for fear of being hurt (spoiler alert: she was already attached).
That’s the thing, with humans. We’re really really good at lying to ourselves when we’re afraid. We’re experts at denying the existence of something that scares us, and convincing ourselves that we’re safe. Maria has convinced herself she feels nothing for Michael because admitting those feelings, even to herself, when she feels certain he doesn’t feel the same way, would be devastating. So she refuses to acknowledge it, pretends it’s not even there.
And that’s why we see such a drastic change in her behavior from night to morning. Why she was all smiles and wiles and flirtation when she was drunk, high, and looking for a distraction, but was cold and in full denial mode when she was sober and facing down the reality of the door she’d opened. Her subconscious is trying to preemptively protect her from the pain and she’s projecting her anger at herself onto Michael.
Exacerbated, I’m sure, by the fact that by the time they actually kissed, and slept together, neither of them were that drunk. We see them wander off together with a joint before Max and Liz leave the bar, and we don’t see them together again until after Liz and Max have found a hotel, gotten into bed, each tossed and turned long enough to get back out of bed, get dressed, head out to the park and talk, and then go back to bed. So I’d say it’s been at least a couple hours since their last drinks that things heat up.
So Maria doesn’t even have the excuse for herself that she was wasted because she wasn’t. Neither of them were. She let herself give into her feelings and attraction in a moment of weakness and the only one she’ll have to blame when it bites her in the ass is herself.
Even if Maria is refusing to allow herself to believe she has feelings, there is still a gut feeling that what she did was a mistake, was going to get her hurt. The mind can be interesting in that way, warning you of danger without allowing you to see what that danger is.
Michael is in a different place here. He’s upset, but in an entirely different and far more silent way than Maria. Alex broke his heart, again, just yesterday. He had to watch Alex walk away from him and for the first time, it truly felt final. Alex said it was over, full stop. I don’t think Michael had ever before thought about moving on from Alex, not really. He was always just waiting.
“Where I stand, nothing’s changed.”
But now Alex walked away and it looks like this time, he really isn’t coming back. And for the first time Mchael has to consider what his life might look like without Alex in it, and suddenly here Maria is, being the actual walking definition of charm and grace. She’s someone he knows, whom he knows to be good. She’s gorgeous and kind and beautiful and fierce. And he’s seeing for the first time just how strong she is, how courageous.
He’s mesmerized.
And he’s paying attention. To all of Maria’s little touches and smiles. To the way she seems to want exactly what he wants. Which is why he’s so unaffected by her protests and denials the next morning. Because this is Maria, his friend. He teases and pokes fun because they’re friends and he can. And because, as everyone in Roswell knows, Michael is an expert at navigating the awkward morning after, so he eases her panic about people finding out, and then teases some more.
Michael’s in a great mood. The sun is shining, there’s a gorgeous woman lying next to him, and maybe for the first time that he can remember, he’s not thinking about Alex. Or Isobel. Or anything that hurts.
That doesn’t last though. Alex shows up, reignites every emotion Michael has ever felt for him, and leaves Michael more certain than ever that he’ll never get to have Alex the way he wants him. (I have another meta on this coming, I promise). And so he’s hurt and alone again.
And he has Maria’s necklace.
So he decides to give it his best shot. He brings her the necklace, laying on a casual desire. Keeping it cool while still making clear what he wants.
And I’ve already talked about what happened with Maria and Alex between the ride home and Michael showing up, but the important take-aways here are:
Maria did not truly accept her feelings for Michael until she heard herself lie about them to Alex
Maria does not know Alex and Michael’s history beyond “they kissed once as teenagers” and “Alex still loves him”
Maria never wants to see that look of pain on Alex’s face again
And Alex knowing about them sleeping together also tells Maria that Michael, within hours of promising not to do so, told him. So she’s understandably pissy about that.
She cuts right to the chase when Michael starts to flirt.
Tumblr media
And Michael’s face is… wounded.
Tumblr media
Because he came to Maria to forget about Alex. He came to Maria because he likes her, and because he wanted to see if that spark he felt could light a fire, could turn into something real. He’s exploring, for the first time, the potential of really falling for someone who isn’t Alex.
And that’s what it is, at this point: potential.
But Maria says no, so he does with Maria the exact same thing he did when rejected by Alex - he deflects. Pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “Why do you keep saying it can’t happen again, I got it the first time. That’s not why I’m here at all!” (narrator voice: it was, in fact, exactly why he was there).
And both of their faces when Michael walks away tell us this isn’t want they want.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
This scene is a little bit devastating. Seeing Maria refuse herself something she wants. Seeing Michael once again turned away due to something outside his control.
But he takes the hint and leaves. He’d made an attempt and was shut down, and he wasn’t going to push it.
It appears they don’t see each other again until the morning of the Gala, when Maria straight up pretends she doesn’t see him.
And Michael calls her on it, because it’s bullshit and he knows it. They were friends before they slept together and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let that get in the way of what appears to be his only human connection aside from Alex.
Tumblr media
Maybe it’s me, but this line was delivered with exactly the right amounts of relief and disappointment. Relief that she won’t have to endure seeing Michael in a tux. Disappointment that she won’t get to see Michael in a tux. It’s a Mood.
Michael makes a joke because that’s what they do. Maria said no, but he wants to ease them back into their friendly camaraderie. He doesn’t want to lose his friendship with Maria.
But Maria can’t do what she and Michael do. Because what she and Michael do is why she fell for him. So she can’t let them go back to being banter friends across the bar, not yet anyway. She needs time and she needs space so she can get over him.
Not to mention: Maria doesn’t know. Period. Maria doesn’t know Michael’s feelings for her might be genuine. Maria doesn’t know that Alex and Michael’s history is fraught and traumatic and painful. Maria doesn’t know that Michael and Alex were seeing each other over the summer. Maria doesn’t know that their history doesn’t start and end with that kiss in the museum. She doesn’t know that Michael still has feelings for Alex. And while Maria knows Alex is in love with Michael, she doesn’t know he’s made any effort to show that to Michael.
And she doesn’t want to hurt Alex. He’s always been there for her and she wants to protect him. To protect herself.
So she makes a jab about the museum - it was intentional insofar as she meant to drive the wedge of Alex further between them, but again, she does not know what else happened after Michael kissed Alex at the museum. She isn’t trying to hurt Michael here, she’s trying to build a wall.
When Michael says “It’s over. It’s been over,” she has no reason not to believe him.
And Michael isn’t saying that because he’s trying to come on to her again. He’s saying that because he can see that Maria feels guilty and he’s trying to assuage that. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
The look Maria gives Michael here. The glance to his lips. She is gone on this man already. She wants him. She wants to believe him. She wants to be allowed to give in to him.
Tumblr media
But she’s not. So she throws up more spikes and walks away.
Tumblr media
This moment makes a whole lot more sense if you remember that, as far as we know, Michael has only ever given even a single shit about two humans in his entire life: Alex and Maria. We know what Alex is and was to him, the narrative makes it absolutely clear that Michael has been in love with Alex for a decade and has essentially been idling, just like Max, for Alex to come back. He sees their love as cosmic.
And we know what Maria is to him. She’s his friend. Someone who gets him, at least the little stuff. The light stuff. His sense of humor, his penchant for drowning his sorrows in substances, his compassion and his dependability.
Someone threatening that friendship? The one and only truly painless thing he’s ever found on this forsaken planet? Not a smart person.
Michael and Max make it to the Gala and that protective streak flares again. Because he was right. And Maria is innocent and now she’s vulnerable, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let anything happen to her.
Tumblr media
This is him continuing to not push boundaries, even when she can’t hear him. She said they can’t continue whatever it was they started, but they were friends before that and he wants to go back to that. Go back to fun.
Not to mention that he is visibly worried in a way we have only seen him express before for Isobel and Alex.
He sits there, holding her, letting his presence be known as a comfort, stroking her hair.
Tumblr media
So that when she wakes, she knows immediately that she is not alone. That she is safe and being looked after.
And at the first sign that she may not want him there? He immediately offers to leave, and not only leave, but find someone else she trusts to look after her so that she still won’t be alone.
“You gotta stop showing up for me like this, Guerin.” is what she says, but what she means is “you have to stop reminding me why I fell for you. Stop making it so hard for me to get over you just by being you.”
(And also just a reminder here that Maria is still under the influence of an inhibition-lowering drug. That means it makes her do and say things she would not normally allow herself to do/say. She’d never have admitted these feelings to Michael had she been sober, or under the influence of an intoxicant she’s used to, but this is not that. This is literally a date-rape drug and anyone who has anything shitty to say about Maria in this scene can Fite Me.)
And when Maria says that she never wants him to leave?
Tumblr media
Riley put it best: “That is not the face of a man whose feelings have just been reciprocated. That is the face of a man whose life just got very complicated.”
His lips barely twitch towards a smile but he can’t even hold it. He knows he’s supposed to be happy, but he can’t feel it. He wanted to believe that he could want this, that his feelings for Maria could drown out the way he feels about Alex, but like with Maria not realizing her feelings until she heard herself lie, I don’t believe Michael truly recognized his lack of feelings until he heard Maria admit the depth of hers.
I think Michael absolutely, 100%, no doubt cares deeply for Maria. I believe he is unquestionably attracted to her. I think she makes him happy and feel light because she’s not bogged down in the trauma that marks his life, and because she, by her own admission, actively tries to be the Fun Friend.
And I think Michael wants to have feelings for Maria. Because he believes he can’t have Alex and continuing to dwell on that will only continue to hurt him. He wants to move on, and Maria is literally walking perfection. There is no reason Michael shouldn’t absolutely return every bit of her feelings and then some.
But he doesn’t. He can’t. His heart belongs to another.
Now we don’t see the end of the night for Michael and Maria, but we do know that he takes her home. How do we know this? Because there’s no way a man who emphatically threatened to explode anyone who came near her while she was drugged would let her go home alone. Not a chance in hell. I doubt they talked at all, but he made sure she made it home safely.
And that, as far as we know, is the last time that they see each other before the finale, before Michael shows up wrecked and broken and needing to feel something, anything, that doesn’t hurt.
I’ll be diving into his, Maria’s, and Alex’s headspaces, and then taking a look at the dynamic as a whole, but none of what happens in the finale makes any kind of sense if you don’t fully recognize everything that came before it. What lead to it. It was a perfect storm of emotion and heartbreak, and this is just one cloud.
142 notes · View notes
theclaravoyant · 5 years
Text
musings on the evolution of bisexuality in sitcoms and being treated “like a joke”
Not to open up old cans of worms, but for my video project I was thinking about the subject of Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place) and various opinions about her bisexuality, the status of it canon-wise, and in particular the feelings amongst some of the fandom (and non-fandom) that it is treated “like a joke.” I have heard similar things about Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99) as well regarding the latter point and so that worked its way in, and soon enough this ended up sort of turning into a short ish essay. I’m not really trying to argue a particular point, but merely reflect on some things, and I hope you don’t mind I thought I’d share my musings. It boils down to being laughed at vs being laughed with, which I get to below the cut after a brief exposition (I have some Thoughts)
Note: I am not looking to get into an argument with anyone, and I’m not saying this is the be all and end all answer to rep, but if you wanted to share some thoughts, add on, etc, you’re welcome to do so.
Note II: Just for clarity’s sake, non-LGBT+ people are welcome to interact if you would like to do so.
I must admit, moving back to the topic of Eleanor for a minute, I resonate with some of those feelings I outlined above. For example, I don’t particularly care for the fact that we have never seen her engage in an abiding romantic or even sexual relationship with a woman, whereas her romance with Chidi has been rebooted over and over and is consistently the outcome. It grates on me a bit that in a universe which has been rebooted upward of 4 different times that we have seen (and approx 300 other times shoved into a few minutes) this is the outcome every time. Why not explore another option for a season? I love Cheleanor, don’t get me wrong, and the constant rebooting annoys me from that perspective as well not just the f/f perspective, but in terms of sapphic rep and also considering how often bisexuality is exploited and misrepresented by heteronormative storytellers (eg the tropes “Bi the Way” and “Not Too Bi”), it really sucks.
Edit: I deleted a paragraph here that had some examples I had misremembered and was rushing through. Shockingly writing up a train of thought on a bus leads to some inaccuracies and skipping over of valuable debates. Instead, I will say that I don’t mean by the above, that m/f bi attraction is not real and valuable. It certainly is. What is a pain in the ass in my opinion - and in the opinion of a lot of the bi people I know before anyone comes at me with that again - is when bisexuality is only used to make a character interesting, sexy or rebellious, while still only representing the m/f side of things because that is easier/more comfortable/etc for heteronormative writers and viewers to portray and invest in.
THAT SAID, back to my actual point. I think we (particularly we who are LGBT+ ourselves) are also very accustomed to seeing LGBT+ characters in dramas, where bad things happen and there’s angst and death and gnashing of teeth. I think this being the norm leads us to freak out a bit and not necessarily know how to actually handle positive, happy rep in which we ourselves, our identities, are taken seriously. We are so used to either being a tragedy or being laughed at (rather than with) that it is extremely unsettling to experience what I would call a dawning new era of being respected in sitcoms - including The Good Place, Brooklyn 99, One Day at a Time, and I’m sure there are others as well.
It’s not surprising, with this skittishness trained into us, that some people interpret the treatment of Eleanor’s bisexuality as being a joke. I’m also not saying this knee-jerk reaction is the only reason; again, I’m not saying my thoughts & feelings on this are the be all and end all of rep. I am just saying that it was a major reason why I was uncomfortable at first: it is extremely hard to trust people to joke around about us, and our identities, and especially with the added element of the unique hypersexualisation of bisexual f/f attraction. But recently I’ve been rewatching some older and less progressive, less inclusive sitcoms and in comparison, it becomes very clear, the difference between being the butt of the joke (laughed at) or being part of a joke (laughed with). It might help - not just with Eleanor, but with others too - to give some examples:
In Friends, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe, only use the idea of f/f attraction when they want to get the boys’ attention, distract them, win bets, or the like. They are successful in this explicitly because the men find this idea so ridiculously, mind-bogglingly sexy that they can’t think. Yet NONE of these main characters are ever revealed to have an actual, serious attraction to girls; none of them express it outside of the direct goal of getting male attention. Similarly, in How I Met Your Mother, Lily’s repeated expression of a desire to kiss a girl is put down to her artistic nature and rebelliousness, and is repeatedly called “so stupid”, and again, is only used to get male attention (to wake up Barney). When she finally kisses Robin, it goes away (bi experiment trope), and it is implied that ~lol~ after all that Robin might actually want more, but that is then left hanging and never revisited again. There are heaps more, I could go on, but these are all examples of being laughed at. 
Compared to these sorts of jokes, let us reflect on Eleanor again. Jokes around her sexuality include: being so attracted to her female nemesis that Eleanor can’t insult her profusely without starting to compliment her, and being so attracted to her boyfriend’s girlfriend that in a simulation where she plays him, she goes to kiss the girlfriend instead of her assigned goal, which was to break up. If this sounds more like #relatable sapphic content than a dismissive joke, that’s because it is. These jokes could not happen without Eleanor’s attraction to women, that is true, but the attraction itself is not the joke. The joke lies in Eleanor’s reactions to the attraction as a messy, funny, sexually driven human. In this way, her bisexuality forms part of the joke, but it is paired up with her other personality traits as a comedy character to be laughed with. Similarly, with Rosa Diaz, her stunned moment upon seeing Alicia is funny because it is an example of what we in the biz of gay ass blogging sometimes refer to as “useless lesbian brain” (or in this case “useless bi brain”). It’s cute because the love interest is a girl and because Terry is hyper-enthusiastic that it’s a girl. It wouldn’t work as well as a joke if it was not a girl, and heteronormativity is almost definitely the reason for that, but the point still stands that the bisexuality itself is not the joke, it’s the way she responds to it: it’s the fact that Rosa Diaz, usually so suave and in control, loses the ability to Can. Terry’s overly enthusiastic allyship is also funny, but mostly to people who have experienced overly enthusiastic allyship ie the LGBT+ audience.
(To add one final example: I am not aware of ANY male bi rep in older sitcoms, which kinda speaks for itself, but in the more modern ones we have characters such as Darryl Whitefeather (Crazy Ex Girlfriend). One of the biggest jokes around his sexuality is his coming out as “both-sexual!!” Once again, the joke is not the bi attraction itself, but rather, in the fact that lol this pour bi soul didn’t know the word for it! Another example imo of being laughed with).
I know I’m not saying all that much new here. Probably nothing new, to some people. I also know I’m not addressing every joke or facet of bi or LGBT+ rep even in the shows I’ve just listed. I’m not trying to, I mean none of us have all century. I just think it’s important to highlight what I feel is usually quite a strong difference between being laughed at and being laughed with, and that was the main idea of this post. It’s definitely not always as simple as the examples I’ve outlined above (eg. some of the Eleanor jokes are similar to jokes made in Pitch Perfect, in which I would say it’s about being laughed at), but I am just trying to put some words to some of my thought process on this sort of thing, particularly as I rewatch Friends and think about how far we’ve come with it!
One final time, because people in my inbox don’t seem to get it, I am not claiming to be ‘correct’. This is just an aspect of my feelings and opinions. I am also not trying to ‘speak over’ people who actually ID as bi; in fact, it was bi people saying ‘why can’t you let us have funny things’ that actually opened my eyes to a more comfortable bi-friendly interpretation of the treatment of Eleanor’s sexuality in the first place. I’m not trying to say “this is good rep, actually,” or “this is bad rep, actually.” As I said above, I think it’s both, and I think it’s more complicated than that, and most importantly, I am not actually trying to change anyone’s mind. If you resonate with this? Cool. If not, that’s fine. It’s my thoughts, my opinion. It’s not fact and I don’t want to tell anyone how to feel especially about their own rep.
With that in mind, if anyone is interested in chatting with me more about this sort of thing (by which I do not mean harassing me about it) or asking me what I mean by certain things, or for writing advice, or whatever, you’re welcome to do so - this is just the tip of the iceberg! I just wanted to put this out there in the world for whatever purposes it might come to. Thanks for reading!
84 notes · View notes
hockeylvr59 · 5 years
Text
Anything You Want || Paul Bissonnette and Tyler Seguin
Tumblr media
Requested: [ ] yes [x] no
Authors Note: So I was in a total nsfw mood tonight and asked for some people to send me ideas. One of my group chats said I should definitely go with Bissonnette sex but suggested I add Seguin in there. I twisted their suggested prompt a little but anyway. It’s really dirty...so enjoy. 
Warnings: smut, smut and more smut.Threesome. Oral sex, actual sex, anal sex. Oh and breeding kink/actual breeding (unprotected sex) because evidently I can’t control myself. 
Word Count: 3,804
Dating Paul Bissonnette meant that your sex life was never something that could be described as boring or regular. Paul was older than you and certainly more experienced inside (and technically outside, hello airport sex) the bedroom. Still, he’d never made you feel comfortable, in fact, he was probably the best teacher you could ask for when it came to all things intimate. 
When you’d first gotten together, things had been kept fairly tame, vanilla even, behind closed doors as you learned each other’s likes and dislikes, and what made each of you fall apart. Now that things were more serious as far as the relationship went, things inside the bedroom were shifting as well. One could say that you were very much in the experimental phase of things. Still, even now Paul still had the upper hand in experience and everything that was brought up was something he had tried before and had already decided whether it’s something he likes or not. 
Unsurprisingly, Paul’s hard ‘no’s’ were things that you honestly had no desire to try and most of his ‘yes’s’ were things you were eager for as well. There honestly wasn’t much of a middle ground where there was something you wanted that he wasn’t the biggest fan of....except...shockingly, a threesome. Paul claimed that he had been there and done that before and that it was something that he felt like he’d grown out of. He hadn’t said it was something that would never happen, but it didn’t seem like something that would happen anytime soon, especially not without some prodding on your end. 
That’s probably why Paul’s text tonight had caught you so off guard. You’d come to Toronto with him for a week of summer vacation while he filmed Biz does Ontario. While he filmed, you played tourist, got a massage, and just generally took some time out of your busy life to relax. Tonight he’d gone out to meet up with some buddies and you’d stayed in, curled up with a new book. 
It was almost ten when your phone buzzed and setting your book aside as you finished a chapter, heat flooded your body. 
Put on that black lingerie set and that dress you know I like and come to 70 Yorkville Ave.
His text was suggestive enough to tell you that he had something planned but too vague to tell you exactly what it was. Still, you knew by now that when Paul had something up his sleeve it was best to just play along. So you quickly changed into the requested attire, threw your hair up into a messy and somewhat sexy bun, and applied a smokey makeup look before grabbing your things, slipping into a pair of heels and heading out the door. 
When you arrived at the lounge you looked around but didn’t spot Paul anywhere. Shooting him a text that you were there you made your way over to the bar and ordered yourself a glass of wine, your anticipation rising. Even sipping slowly, you’d finished your first glass of wine and you still hadn’t spotted your boyfriend. Just as you were about to text him again, a warm hand landed on your lower back and a voice called for the bartender to pour you another glass while ordering a beer for himself. 
Your body had tensed at the touch and you quickly spun to tell whoever it was that had decided to get handsy off. 
“Ex…” before you could even finish your first word your eyes met the cocky gaze of a certain Dallas Stars forward and you froze. The fact that Tyler Seguin was standing beside you with his hand on your lower back should have signaled exactly what your boyfriend had planned, however, your brain failed to put the pieces together quickly. 
“I’m sorry...did you not want another?” The tone of his voice was almost patronizing and for a split second, you wanted to slap him. 
“No...I...yes…” You stuttered out. “But I have a boyfriend.” Something about your words made Tyler laugh and after taking a sip of his beer he leaned closer and whispered in your ear. 
“Well, I won’t tell him if you won’t.” When your body instinctively recoiled because the last thing you’d ever do was cheat on Paul, Tyler’s facial expressions cracked for a moment before leaning in close again. “Would you just play along?” Having felt his breath on your skin one moment and then having it be gone the next made you shiver and seeing Tyler looking away from the bar made you follow his gaze. What your eyes met was your boyfriend who had his normal sexy smirk on and who was clearly watching the two of you. 
At that moment, you looked between Paul and Tyler and when you returned your gaze to the former he was clearly mouthing something to you, his body language more relaxed than it should be for someone else hitting on you. It was then that everything hit you at once...this was Paul’s plan. This was him giving in to what you wanted. A flush rose on your cheeks as you smiled at him sending him a short nod before turning your attention back to Tyler who smirked once more realizing that you were now in on the whole plan. 
Grazing your fingers along the muscles of Tyler’s forearm you couldn’t help but imagine those arms pinning you down on the bed while he fucked you. 
“So you like hitting on taken women.” You tease, sipping at your wine before purposely licking a drop of the liquid off of your lips. At your action, Tyler’s adam’s apple bobbed and there was a tick in his jaw as it tightened. 
“I like hitting on attractive women.” He responded voice low, his body stepping half a step closer to your own, boxing you in against the bar. “And what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” It was then that you realized his hand was still pressed against your back as it dipped lower to rest just above your ass. 
“And if I was supposed to meet him here…?” You whispered, your hand moving from his arm to graze for just a moment over his abs. 
“Well then maybe he should join us.” The words were said in such a matter of fact manner that even though you knew that’s where this was headed, they still stole your breath for a moment. Heat was already pooling in your stomach when Tyler’s teeth grazed over your ear as he spoke. “I bed you’d like to be fucked from both ends.” 
If you hadn’t been sitting you probably would have toppled over. You were about to look back for Paul wondering just how this was going to proceed when you felt a second hand land on your back and the scent of your boyfriend’s cologne filled your nose. Reaching for your class of wine you quickly finished it off, and as you set the empty glass back on the bar, you felt Paul’s breath against your other ear. 
“You gonna be a good girl baby and let Tyler and I fuck you? I told him what a good girl you are but he said he’d have to see it to believe it.” You couldn’t help but nod, conscious thought starting to leave you, as the combination of the alcohol and heat of two huge male bodies surrounded you. 
The next thing you know, the check has been paid and you’re being led out of the bar into an SUV. As you reach the vehicle, Tyler tosses Paul the keys and opens the backdoor for you before sliding inside with you. 
“You know where you’re going man?” Tyler asks and when Paul nods and starts the car, Tyler’s attention turns to you. Out of habit, you buckle yourself up and Tyler and Paul exchange a quick look in the rearview mirror before they both do the same. “Guess it would put a damper on things if we were killed before the fun started,” Tyler muttered. 
As soon as Paul pulled into the Toronto streets, Tyler’s hand falls to your thigh and slowly starts moving upward. The rough callouses of his fingers cause you to shiver and unconsciously you spread your legs wanting his touch higher and closer to your core. “That’s it baby. I know you want me.” Tyler breathes into your ear. For a moment, his hand moves up to cup your face and then he’s kissing you, his tongue quickly probing at your mouth for access. Needing to tease just a bit, you refuse access until Tyler’s hand returns to your body, slipping under your dress and finding your clit. 
Your moan gives him what he wants and you can feel him smirking as you kiss passionately, his hand just resting against your inner thigh. When you finally need to breathe and pull back, Tyler’s eyes are dark and he pinches at the skin of your inner thigh. “So you’re gonna be a brat. Paul didn’t tell me that.” He mumbles, his mouth dropping to your neck to bite a mark deep into your skin. The pain of it sends a jolt through your body and you whine softly. 
Before things can progress any farther, the car stops and you feel your seat belt slacken as Tyler’s fingers unlatch it before tugging you out of the car, causing you to stumble on your heels. Paul is behind you before you can regain your balance and his lips are pressed to the back of your neck. With Tyler’s hand in yours, he tugs you through the parking garage and into an elevator and it’s only once you’re inside that you feel a strong smack across your rear and you glance up to see that Paul’s eyes are dark as well. 
“I thought I told you to be good for him.” He growls softly and you chew softly on your bottom lip, eyes downcast. You know he’s not actually angry and that his actions are just part of all of this so you play along. 
“I’m sorry daddy...just wanted to ease into things.” You whisper. Before either man can respond further, the elevator has come to a stop and you see Paul toss Tyler his keys back so that he can lead you down the hall and into his Toronto apartment. Once the door opens both men kick off their shoes but Tyler glares at you when you move to slip off your own. 
“Leave them.” He growls, taking his chance to smack at your ass firmly but gently. “Bedroom is the second door on the left. Take off your dress but leave everything else on and go kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed.”  His voice is demanding and when you meet Paul’s gaze his eyes tell you to obey. 
By the time they join you in the bedroom you’ve been kneeling on the floor for at least five minutes, nipples pebbled through the lingerie from the chill of Tyler’s air conditioning. You can feel their eyes raking over your body but Paul clears his throat when you attempt to look up at them so you cast your head down again awaiting further instruction. 
When a hand brushes over the top of your head gently twice you take that as a signal to look up. When you do Tyler is standing nude in front of you, his hard cock bobbing between his thighs. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Paul is also nude and is laying on the bed, hands behind his head. 
“Need to know if this mouth is as good as Biz claims.” Tyler declares, his fingers tangling in your hair after taking out your bun, to pull your mouth closer to him. Wetting your lips you first lick at the tip of Tyler’s cock, tasting the precum leaking from it before slowly sinking your mouth forward to take as much of him as you can without triggering your gag reflex. Working your mouth over him the same way Paul has taught you he likes, you try and gauge what works for Tyler and what doesn’t. When he groans as you hum around him you grin slightly, feeling his cock twitch. Seconds later he pulls you off of him and to your feet, clearly signaling that he’s not ready to cum yet.
“Paul you’re a fucking lucky bastard if she wears shit like this for you frequently.” Tyler declares, his hands running over the fabric of your lingerie.
“Don’t I know it.” Paul declares and when you look over at him, he’s stroking his cock causing another wave of moisture to flood your core. 
“It’s too pretty to get cum all over so I say it’s time we get you out of it.” Tyler declares and with Paul’s nod of approval, Tyler’s hands tug the fabric off of you and finally takes your heels off along with it. “Much better.” Tyler declares as he kisses you, one hand tangling in your hair. After a moment, a warm sticky substance coats the skin of your stomach and you quickly realize that Tyler’s other hand had been jerking himself off so that he could cover you in his cum. As he cums down from his orgasm, Tyler pulls away from you panting. “Go blow your boyfriend while I eat you out.” 
Nodding you take the few steps over to the bed, climbing onto it to kiss Paul’s stomach before wrapping your mouth around his hard cock. Blowing Tyler hadn’t been bad but there was something about making Paul fall apart that was just so much better. As you work Paul’s cock in the way you know he likes you can’t help but moan feeling Tyler’s mouth blowing at your pussy before sucking your clit between his lips. Receiving oral sex is one of your favorite sexual acts and it gets even better when Paul’s fingers reach down to caress your breasts, pinching and rubbing your nipples until their hard and aching and sending jolts to meet the actions of Tyler’s mouth. 
You can tell that Paul is getting close, even though your mind has started to go fuzzy with the approach of your own orgasm. Still, you didn’t expect Paul’s hand to tug at your hair as his hips jolt up into your mouth pressing his cock deeper down your throat. You gag a bit before trying to relax your mouth around him, taking him as deep as you possibly can. The way he’s grunting and breathing heavily tells you he’s close and you nuzzle your nose against him. The moment Paul starts to spurt down your throat you feel two of Tyler’s fingers slip inside you as he bites gently at your clit and the feeling of all of it at once tears an orgasm from your body much sooner than you expected it. 
Collapsed with your head on Paul’s thigh you try and catch your breath while Tyler’s fingers rub gently at your clit in a way that is almost too much but yet not enough. When he stops you whimper but then Paul is dragging your body further up the bed to kiss you gently, giving you the bit of care that he knows you need in the situation before going any further. 
Breaking the kiss after a moment, you look down to where Tyler is standing at the foot of the bed, his cock already hard again. 
“Do you want him to fuck you babe?” Paul questions softly because he would never force you into anything you didn’t want and oral sex is one thing but this is another. 
“Yes…” You respond wanting to feel both men stretching you out to your max. Anal sex was something that you and Paul had been experimenting with and this seemed like the right time to take it to the next level. 
“Condoms and lube?” Paul asked and when Tyler pointed to a bedside drawer, Paul grabbed both items, tossing the condom down to Tyler. “If you’re gonna fuck her you have to glove up.” He declared. Tyler complied quickly, sliding the condom over his dick before kneeling on the bed. 
“How are we doing this?” He asked and as always you looked to Paul for guidance. 
“She’ll ride you and I’ll fuck her from behind.” With that direction, Paul and Tyler switched spots for a moment, Paul stealing one more proper kiss before smacking at your ass. “Show him how good that pussy feels. Tight like a vice grip.” 
With Tyler spread out on the bed, you moved to straddle him, his hands quickly moving to your hips to steady you.
“You ready?” He asked and when you nodded, he lined himself up with your hole before allowing you to slowly sink down on him. The way your body stretched around him made your toes curl and you paused for a moment needing to adjust. “Fuck…” Tyler grunted, his hips flexing beneath you, clearly desiring movement. Slowly you began to bounce on him, the friction building and curling inside you deliciously.
After a moment, Paul guided you to a stop again so that he could work first one but then two lubed fingers inside your ass. After that, you resumed your slow pace, fucking Tyler while Paul worked his fingers to spread you open, eventually adding a third finger, scissoring them all inside you. 
“Paul please...I need you.” You moaned, wanting nothing more than to be surrounded by these men, filled and stretched so full. Gradually, you rocked your hips faster against Tyler, needing more of everything, but every so often a shudder would course through your body that would cause you to just grind your pelvis against his, curses spilling from his mouth. 
“Seriously dude...just fuck her ass already. She’s killing me.” Tyler declared and after a moment you felt the heat of Paul’s body as he pressed against your back. With one more stretch of his fingers inside you, they slipped out and as Paul murmured for Tyler to help brace you, his fingers were slowly replaced by his cock. 
For a moment you couldn’t breathe, the feeling of being stuffed full from both ends being too much. You knew that Tyler was aching for you to move but Paul held you still, letting you adjust to him and kissing your head while pressing his hand against your stomach. Both men were so large that you were certain they could feel each other pressed inside you and the knowledge of that pushed you even closer to orgasm. Paul must have felt your body relax enough to satisfy him because after a moment he started fucking down into you causing you to shift on Tyler’s cock. Thankfully the two men figured out how to best fuck you between them because things had just started and you were already boneless at the feeling. 
All sense of time and space was lost to you as you let yourself be used by Paul and Tyler. You had no idea how long they had been fucking you for or how many times you’d already come when you felt Tyler tense under you before an obscene moan left his mouth and he was twitching inside of you. The way your body seemed to be fluttering around him signaled that you’d cum too but maybe you’d just been in a constant state of orgasm since they started fucking you. 
Knowing Paul hadn’ cum yet you tried to weakly rock your body back against him but he had paused as Tyler came, just holding your body to him. Feeling his lips kiss down your back, you felt him slip out of you as well before flipping you over onto your back. 
“You’ve been so good for us.” He whispered and Tyler quickly mumbled his affirmance of that statement. “But I think you should show Tyler just how good you are and let me cum inside you.” 
For a split second your eyes went wide and then you were nodding frantically. 
“Yes daddy, please cum inside me.” You’d tried to convince Paul to go bareback but he’d refused since you had stopped taking the pill, declaring that it wasn’t yet time to try for a baby. As Paul settled himself above you he chuckled, brushing a strand of hair from your face. 
“I know baby. You’re so eager for daddy to knock you up. Want you to show Tyler just how good you take my seed, how much you want me to fill you up and make you mine. Because you are mine. Tonight was the only time I’m ever going to share you.” Tears were pooling in your eyes as Paul pressed inside you, your body molding to his like you were made to take his cock. 
As Paul fucked himself inside you, Tyler’s fingers reached to play with your nipples once more. 
“He’s right...you are such a good girl letting him fuck you until you’re nice and pregnant. He’s a lucky son of a bitch.” With Paul fucking so deep inside you, shifting your legs to wrap around him until he was buried to the hilt on each in stroke, and Tyler pinching and rubbing at your nipples, it wasn’t long until you were crying out as the most intense orgasm of your life rushed over you. 
The walls of your pussy clenched down tight around Paul’s dick as he let go, milking him dry. With your body heaving, tears spilled from your eyes at the intensity of it all and you felt the bed shift as Paul leaned over to kiss you while still resting inside of you. 
“Holy fuck Paul.” You eventually breathed, your hands reaching up to brush over his cheeks. 
“Good huh?” He murmured.
“Fantastic. Though I’m not sure where that last part suddenly came from.” You whispered slightly concerned that he had only acted in the heat of the moment and would regret taking that risk. Seeing Tyler return with a wet washcloth, Paul finally slipped out of you, gently wiping you down. 
“Like you didn’t know I planned to spend the rest of my life giving you whatever it is that you want.” 
Paul had always done whatever it took to make you happy and tonight was no exception. Your first threesome had been fun and you definitely needed to thank Tyler but maybe Paul had been right. Now that it was out of your system you know that the only man you needed was the one you planned on spending the rest of your life with. 
And you couldn’t wait to see what else there was to explore with him. 
267 notes · View notes
freshleadprovider · 3 years
Text
How a SEO Tech Audit & Fixes Increased Qualified Visitors by 78% in 3 Months for a Small Biz Owner
There is a lot BS out there about how SEO doesn't work for a small business or a startup, and having been in the space for almost 20 years I can say it's all crap. What a lot of people don't realize is that how your website is set-up makes a HUGE difference with how well you rank with the search engines. Think about it this way. If you go to sell your house and it's a MESS, it doesn't matter how pretty the outside is, how great of a location it is, or how well priced it is people are going to run screaming. If your website isn't clean on the code level Google runs away screaming. So a simple SEO Audit that tells you what fixes need to happen can make a HUGE impact on your sales. Full disclosure I also helped them make those tech fixes and monitored them for 6 months after. Also, the fixes deployed to get this success didn't involve a lot of content optimization, zero link building and no social promotion. This was almost 100% tech fixes. What Success Did a Regional Brick and Mortar Biz with an eCommerce Site Get 3 Months After a SEO Audit & Clean Up? The company I helped was a regional powersports retailer. Their website didn't just talk about what brands they sold and what services they provided to maintain these machines, but also sold all the powersport equipment on their to. Over the years they sold on places like AutoTrader, et. al, but they didn't want to be at the mercy of the fees so they tried their own hand a it. They did a great job on the site despite it not being their full time job, but they wanted to take it to the next level. Here's what they were able to achieve in 3 months: ALL Traffic Sources: 78% increase in users 87% increase in new users 45% increase in Contact Submissions (which was their overall goal) - Their close rate is 95%. JUST Organic Traffic: 75% increase in users 88% increase in new users 57% increase in Contact Submissions (which was their overall goal) - Their close rate is 95%. So, if you break that down. Let's say an average month of sales is $100K (which it isn't) and you increase your monthly contacts by 45%. With a 95% close rate you are looking at adding 50% more in sales a month, which would equate to $150K in sales. That doesn't suck. You spent $750 on an audit and 1-2K to make the fixes. So, for less than 3K (one time cost) you are making $47K more the first month and $50K every month moving forward. What is a SEO Tech Audit? A BASIC SEO Audit includes checking the following: URL Structure Meta Titles & Descriptions Image Optimization H1 & H2 Tag Usage Duplicate Content Site Speed Schema Broken Links Domain Authority Indexing Status 404s & 410s 301 & 302 Redirects Links (Inbound & External) Plugin Evaluation The next level of an Audit includes everything above +: Local SEO Evaluation Content Optimization Keyword Ranking UX Recommendations Visitor Traffic Evaluation 2 Social Media Account Evaluation 1-2 Competitor’s Analysis Then the report takes that info, shows you what needs to be fixed and recommendations on how to phase yourself into more growth with the other on-page SEO techniques. Why the Hell Does it Work? So, let's be honest. I hate the "I went from 0 sales to a millionaire in 6 months" post. This is NOT that. It's actually pretty simple. In addition to thinking about the selling your house when it's a mess analogy above there is also a key factor called: all you have to do is be slightly better than your competition. It's not sexy, but it's true. If you have a website that is over 6 months old you have issues that you have developed, simply by just not having time to constantly look and update shit. If your competition has been in business for years you can add on legacy systems and internal politics and a whole bunch of other crap that makes their website a mess on the technical level. (That is part of the reason why we do a competitor analysis.) If your site is in-order and clean as whistle on a technical level you will easily and quickly beat out your competition that isn't taking care of their yard as well as you are. You don't have to beat all the websites on the internet, you just need to beat your closest competitors. The best part, that is just the tech. If you add on all the other SEO techniques, within a year you will outrank your competition for the long-term and you will have the $ to be able to do it. I'd love to hear if you have had similar success from an SEO Audit. submitted by /u/andreamfuller [link] [comments] https://www.reddit.com/r/SEO/comments/lq6bm7/how_a_seo_tech_audit_fixes_increased_qualified/
0 notes
bewitchingbooktours · 3 years
Text
A Warrior’s Kiss by Celia Breslin - Haunted Halloween Spooktacular
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Celia’s Must-See TV Shows For Halloween
Halloween month is the perfect time to binge some paranormal TV shows. Add these to your binge-list.
* Chilling Adventures of Sabrina -
Good vs. evil, angsty teens, wacky witches.
* iZombie -
Dark comedy with zombies quarantined in Seattle. Brain cuisine jokes.
* Legion -
  People with powers and power struggles. Surreal, sometimes scary, and totally quirky and compelling.
* Legacies -
Teen werewolves, vampires, witches at a boarding school fraught with peril.
* Lucifer -
NetFlix saved this fab show, serving up one sexy devil and a strong female lead.
* The Magicians -
College students/magicians tangle with supernatural forces and other worlds. 
* Stranger Things -
An alternate dimension, monsters, plus government experiments, and one tough girl with wicked powers, oh my!
* The Umbrella Academy -
a dysfunctional family of funny, flawed, and powerful superheroes. Quirky, action packed, and 100% entertaining.
Happy viewing and Happy Halloween!
Tumblr media
A Warrior’s Kiss
The Cupid Dating Agency
Celia Breslin
Genre: Paranormal RomancePublisher: Celia BreslinDate of Publication: August 4, 2020ISBN:  9781393477938ASIN: B08FFCWNF2Number of pages: 116Word Count: 28K
Cover Artist: Brantwijn Serrah
Tagline: She’s chasing her dream. He’s after her heart.
Book Description:
French teacher turned entrepreneur, Nicolette Durand has one goal in mind when she leaves the big city for a quaint town in the California wine country, and it has nothing to do with men. Intent on converting the antique store she inherited from her aunt into a booming new business with her bestie, Nicky doesn’t care how many dating edicts the cupids send her, she’s simply too busy. Then a hunk of surly angel crashes into her life. Literally.
Ezekiel is less than delighted when the Almighty assigns him and his elite team of warriors to Earth with instructions to help the cupids. Now Heaven’s top soldiers are running two businesses, including a gastropub where speed dating events are a part of their mission. But Zeke may have to rethink his surly position on this earthbound gig after he meets the kind, considerate and curvy biz owner next door.
Nicky is sure she has no time for a relationship, not even with the gorgeous hunk of heaven who rocks her world, but Zeke is determined to convince her otherwise. Too bad a supernatural disaster and thousands of Hell’s minions intent on destruction and mayhem might stand in their way…
Amazon
     Apple Books
     BN
     Kobo
     Scribd
     Vivlio
Tumblr media
Excerpt:
“Think he’s dead?” The whispered question quieted his internal whining.
Nice voice. Soft and smooth, like velvet. Feminine. Clearly, he wasn’t alone.
“He sure looks dead.” A second woman replied, louder and with a chuckle.
He suppressed a scowl and kept his eyes closed. She thinks this is funny?
Bodies shifted behind whatever his head had cracked into, edging closer to either side of him.
“There’s no blood, though,” she of the velvet voice murmured. “Shouldn’t there be blood? […].”
Ah, their business neighbor. She came to a halt near his head, her body heat and peaches-and-honey scent saturating his senses. He should open his peepers and say something, see if the female looked as good as she sounded and smelled.
Shit. Where had that reaction come from? He had no room in his life for a woman, especially not a mortal woman.
“Maybe we should check for a pulse,” the one Peaches had called Maya suggested.
“I’m not touching his body.”
Fast reply from Peaches. Jesus, did he look so horrible? And double Jesus, why did her opinion matter? He must have hit his head harder than he imagined.
“C’mon, girlfriend. It’s a big, beautiful body. How can you not want to get your hands on it?”
Listen to your girlfriend, Peaches. No. Wait. Belay that order.
“Really, M? One-track mind much?”
He tensed to haul his ass upward, but a soft, gentle hand landed on his shoulder, feather light, then slid down his bare arm, kicking up a riot of electric sensation along his skin. He should move, but damn if he didn’t want to see what she would do next. Or touch next.
Warm fingers palpated his inner wrist, right over his madly beating pulse. Racing for her? A human female he hadn’t even laid eyes on? Shit. […]
Eyes shooting wide, he sat up.
Tumblr media
About the Author:
Celia lives in California with her husband, daughter, and two feisty cats. She writes urban fantasy and paranormal romance, and has a particular fondness for werewolves, vampires, the Fae, and warrior-class angels. Her stories are action-packed and typically include one of the many varieties of romantic entanglements: fated mates, second chance, rescue romance, opposites attract, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, and more.
When not writing, you’ll find Celia exercising, reading a good book, hanging with her family, or indulging her addiction to Joss Whedon’s TV shows and movies, as well as everything in the Marvel Universe franchise.
Web site: 
http://www.celiabreslin.com
Blog: 
http://www.celiabreslin.com/blog/
Twitter: 
http://www.twitter.com/celiabreslin
Facebook: 
https://www.facebook.com/CeliaBreslinAuthor
Goodreads: 
http://www.goodreads.com/CeliaBreslin
Pinterest: 
http://www.pinterest.com/celiabreslin/
Instagram: 
https://www.instagram.com/celiabreslin/
Newsletter:  
http://eepurl.com/bxqwRL
Tumblr media Tumblr media
a Rafflecopter giveaway
0 notes