#that was up until about two hours ago

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

#i have had to piss for probably the better part of an hour now #because they decided to take a shower together and have been in there for well OVER an hour now #and this is a nightly occurence atp sometimes MULTIPLE times a day #we have one bathroom.... can yall not be considerate enough to not be in there for up to TWO HOURS AT A TIME??? #also it's such a waste of fucking water.... #idk we've hit a point where i literally hear the bf doing anything and i get pissed off #but also tell me why i'm sitting in my room (which shares a wall with the bathroom) and i can hear this man hacking and spitting shit up #and this is also something that happens multiple times a day #like.... dude.... why are you spitting up toothpaste so fucking loudly oh my fucking god #but yeah no i'm like my roommate's only friend atp and he's about to not have me lmao like we're about to reach #'i'm cutting you off when i move out' levels of me being pissed off with this whole situation type shit #and apparently the bf convinced him to come out to his family which his mom was chill which is good #his dad's side of the family though....? not great. and my roommate KNEW that would be the case cuz we'd talked about it before #also love that my roommate has constantly talked about moving out of the city we live in because he hates and also there's no good career #opportunities for him here (which is true) #and now. MAGICALLY. he's like 'idk i think it'd be best for me to stay here' #like oh my GOD???? are you hearing yourself???? are you fucking stupid???? you fucking hate it here??? #but sure throw your life away and ruin all your meaningful relationships for a guy you met six months ago jfc #and the thing is i *know* my roommate we've been close CLOSE friends for nearly a decade now #i know he is not like this.... like yeah he's being insane by allowing this but also i know these aren't the kinds of decisions he would ma #and also i know he wouldn't treat me like this all on his own #it's the deranged fucking control freak of a guy he decided to date and my roommate has too many of his own issues to put his foot down #about certain things and tell the guy no so he's just allowing him to completely take over his life #and fuck everything up until the bf is the only thing he has left once it's all said and done #and yeah. it's painful to watch. but also wtf am i supposed to do because obviously my opinion is not respected nor wanted regarding this #that has been made PAINFULLY clear #ugh this is so fucking horrendous #what is it with ppl who start to date someone and then go clinically fucking insane and destroy their lives all for this one person #who. realistically. they barely know in comparison to all the other ppl in their life #like explain it to me jfc

[evablueblanket]

do your homework and get good grades otherwise

but what if I don’t wanna :c

I can’t tell if that’s a threat or a statement

Do your hw and get good grades, otherwise :)

Do you’re he and get good grades otherwise :D

#Silly Somer #muahahha #I finished my hw ^^ #problem is I drank two chai teas about 6 hours ago #so the caffeine’s still running pretty strong #and tmr I have school and work so hopefully I don’t crash or anything :’) #might get up early enough to grab coffee before school tho #but knowing me I’ll probably just stay in bed until the last second

[herbert-best]

…a labyrinthine series of lines, criss-crossing each other in all sort of ways. These covered the paper so thickly that only with difficulty could one make out the white spaces in between. "Read it," said the Officer. [...] Then the Officer began to spell out the inscription and then read out once again the joined up letters. "Be just!' it states," he said. "Now you can read it." […] "'Be just!' it says," the Officer remarked once again.

In The Penal Colony, Franz Kafka; transl. Ian Johnston [x]

pawn / tool /puppet / cog BE JUST another gear / in the / Harrowing machine

This was originally intended to be (bc I am very normal about all the very normal things I like) a piece of Kafka-referential fanart of Amanda Young, from Saw, with my rendition of the Officer’s design from the execution machine carved into her corpse… didn’t go that far with it, obviously, because I can’t draw for shit. If you’ve never gotten a chance to read it or not read it in a long time, this is your call to arms to read In The Penal Colony. It’s VERY short, albeit somewhat disturbing— the pdf I linked to with the quote is the whole thing, which is 19 pages long as formatted there— but it’s one of those things that lives in your brain afterwards.

It centers around a large, incredibly elaborate and complex machine used for tortuous executions, and the legacy of the now-dead man who designed, built, and used it. I’ve sort of always been fascinated by the idea of trying to create the illegibly elaborate designs it’s described as using— this one contains more than the central, aforementioned words, of course— highlighted under the cut.

#weird tangential items being made out here #fucked up sentence of the day I’ve always sort of wanted to make a design for the sentences bc it uhhhhh reminds me of uh my dad #hadn’t really thought about how disturbing that sounds until now but it’s fine #kafka #I’d love to be able to tag this so as to find it later bc I have another concept for this design I’d also like to try to make but #PLEASE talk to me about Kafka and also Saw. I have messaging back finally and I’m screaming into the void #also I have not said this but I adore adam obvs I’m just. velvetgoldminecristianbalepointingdotgif mandy……. #I put this in my drafts two weeks ago and now I’m posting it at 1am. I have to be up for work in THREE AND A HALF HOURS. hell world. #BUT the group PTSD therapist they comped at the office told me to AVOID AVOIDANCE and I consider this therapeutic 😌

[ghosts-of-love]

someone tell me to go outside pls

#ive looked up the place i want to go (fen) and theres parking #it's raining really hard rn but i like walks in the rain #idk ive been on my own in the house for a while. and my two friends came back for 20 minutes this morning so one of them could pack up more #of her stuff (she moved out a couple of weeks ago) and both of them forgot their keys so needed me to let them in #and then the 1 who moved out didnt really speak to me except right before she left when she said something rude about the kitchen #and then tried to backtrack by saying 'i didnt mean that. in fact. i dont even remember what i said!' like just say sorry its not that hard. #id rather you said something rude and then said youre sorry and that its uncalled for than pretending you dont know what you said #10 seconds ago #so i just went up to my room until they left and it sucks because that was like my one opportunity in a week or so to speak to someone #in my own house #thank god i went into the office this week and spoke to people #also my friend messaged and was like 'odd core vibes?' about his partner who said the rude thing and i wish id been like its actually just #rude not odd #but whatever #and ive just been sitting and thinking aboht it for 2 hours instead of leaving the house

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#not to be depressing in new year's eve but i feel so shit right now... #all year i've been so out of myself not enjoying anything #and what i do manage to enjoy takes up like an hour of my life and then it becomes disappointing #that's how i would describe the past few months... disappointing #everything feels flat #I can't manage to hold on to a good feeling for more than an hour or two #i have absolutely no hope for the future and I don't even care about that anymore #nothing feels worth anything anymore #and what's really solidifying that feeling today of all days #is the fact that every year since before I was born my family celebrates new years eve #a few years ago the celebrations changed since my extended family decided to cut us out a bit but my mom brother and i still celebrate #we get yummy food play fun games and just spend the night together until midnight when we toast and go to bed #well this year it's 10:30 and we're already in bed doing the same things we do every day #being on our phones or watching a movie or whatever on our own #and it's just disappointing again #idk if it's the break of the tradition or the fact that the new year doesn't feel important this time #but i feel so fucking sad and numb and depressed #i hate it #I don't even feel like saying the usual ''hope 2024 is better'' shit #i just don't care and i don't think it's gonna be better... it's gonna be the same old shit and it's gonna be disappointing #nothing matters anymore and i don't think anyone fucking cares #i feel so numb... #i don't even know what the point of this post is... sorry about that #hope y'all's new years eve is better than mine (or new year's day idk your time zones) #angel talks #personal

[honeyfae-fr]

can an undertide and a fae really fall in love? (yes, the answer is yes)

------

honey

anguilliformes

#flight rising #flight rising art #flight rising fae #flight rising undertide #fr fae #fr undertide #fr art #came up with this idea for these two while in the shower and i loved it so much #i ended up drawing it #shoutout to anguilliformes for not being cared about until an hour ago #and now being my second ever fr dragon ive ever drawn lmao

[aturnoftheearth]

girl who literally has a destiel event going on for the next two weeks: i think i might be done with destiel

#i can’t tell if it’s like. a little bout of seasonal depression or what but i get this way almost every january #where i don’t like any of my interests anymore and revert back to shows/music/etc from like. 7 years ago #and i feel like i spend way too much time here and i don’t get enough enjoyment out of it like why am i being so negative about so many #posts ???? i can’t even scroll on my dash bc i’m just annoyed so often like that’s Not Good #and idk i just realized i spend like. 16 hours a day either completely on here or frequently checking and i regularly stay up until 4/5am #even though i’m more of a morning person and i think it just makes me feel worse lol #so like. yeah spending 80% of my day on here and not even getting enjoyment out of it big red flag moment #anyway that’s why i logged off for like. two days. and i’ll probably log off again i just didn’t want to disappear without explanation

[pretty-little-martyr]

somehow. i have some manner of Stomach Illness. and of course, because some weeks ago i ate salmon that appeared just a liiittle more red/deeper-pink than normal, my brain has convinced itself that i most certainly Must have a tapeworm. fun times this fine evening

#watch me wake up tomorrow morning feeling perfectly fuckin fine lmao #i felt fine until about two to four hours ago. so im thinking it was actually the protein drink i had #which would make sense. it had been heated-cooled-heated-cooled-heated #too mcuh temperature change most likely #what Sucks is i have a fucking blood draw tomorrow so. if im still sick ill have to cancel and move it to next fuckn week gdi

[miodiodavinci]

you ever end up typing a rant in the tags so long tumblr physically cuts you off and the post publishes with probably only 1/3rd of the tags

#had an interaction with The Leech™ and it left me feeling so frustrated and upset #tl;dr: i wanted to record today but she showed up and started talking so loudly my mic could pick her up through my bedroom door #and it hit me that it's fucked up that she's somehow just allowed to come and go as she pleases #(and is actively entertaining the thought of moving back in for a minimum of 2 months if she gets the surgery she's looking for) #(2 months to 2 years according to her words) #(despite the fact that she was literally evicted nearly a year ago) #(after 7+ years of sleeping on our couch and making our lives hell and generally dodging any attempt to get her to get a life and move out) #anyway after about 20 minutes of chatter i heard her go outside #find the plant i bought and planted myself this last week #(the first one i've ever had ! ! ! ) #(every other plant i've ever cared for has either been my grandmother's or a gift from someone else) #(most notably the two peace lilies from my dad's memorial service) #and dump. an entire bucket of water on it. left over from soaking her orchids she insists on keeping here. #spoilers: it's a desert plant that requires low moisture and well-drained soil #so i went out and got on her about that and she insisted she was just trying to help #(like how she was '''just trying to help''' when she nearly drowned both of the aforementioned lilies) #(because she literally kept putting in water until there was noting but standing water without soil in the pot) #and for a half hour after kept coming in to bother me about the plant #asking where i bought it and if she could have clippings and asking if i had the right soil or the right tools #and reminding me of how i tried to grow pumpkin seeds when i was six and they died #and INSISTING she knew more about caring for it despite the fact that i literally researched this plant for a solid week before #and jsu t #another instance of The Leech™ trying to jam herself into my life so she can claim she's a provider and i'm helpless without her #but also turn around and complain about how it's sooo hard caring for us and how it's //impossible// for her to get a life #if she's busy caring for us #fuck off and die actually

[sirendeepity]

Changing my phone wallpaper/cover is a nightmare because no I don't know what I want but I know I don't want that

#lifeofdee #I've been scrolling through Pinterest for the past hour or so #and now have 3 possible aesthetic #maybe even 4 #ranging from slytherin (again) to spooky (edgy) or spooky (grunge) or even spooky (soft/cute) #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO #but I did found one pic with a skeleton petting a black cat and that was just too cute to ignore #but do I keep it on the grunge side or the cute side #let's not forget about the season !!!! #which is not very helpful because yes it is freezing (it wasn't up until two days ago btw) but also there's not a single warm toned leave - #- in sight because everything is still on green-ish side or is not on anything at all? stop climate change I guess #but also *should* I match it with the season or should I do it more like motivational/vision board-like OR should I keep it - #- nice and aesthetic with something dark academia or writing/book related because nanowrimo? #nah scratch that I'll change it at least 3 times before October even ends #BUT ALSO DON'T FORGET THAT I DON'T USE THE SAME PICTURE FOR HOME SCREEN AND BLOCK SCREEN SO I HAVE TO FIND TWO AND THEY HAVE TO MATCH!!!! #yes I have nothing better to do with my life can you tell?

[neonacidtrip]

Does anyone else occasionally see a news update from someone and just turn into a feral animal over it? Asking for a friend

#its me im the friend #and by someone i usually mean an ex lol #i decided to check if they are still alive (they are!) #and its the pettiest thing. like the most petty thing ever #i get angry when an ex watches a new show before i do. hence another reason not check on them #this happened years ago with high school of the dead of all things #i ended up not watching high school of the dead until like a year ago because i was angry they beat me to it like 6 years ago #and yeah i finally watched it and it was so very terrible. kinda glad they got that one #back when i still spoke with them regularly (we still talk but its rare now) like 6 years ago #they mentioned that they were going to watch deadman wonderland so i stayed up long hours for like a day or two #and just binged the hell out of deadman wonderland so they would not beat me to it lol #deadman wonderland was also subpar. my ex does not have great taste in anime #but today i found out they watched two shows (one of which i finished a few months ago and one i havent started yet) #and unlike before these are actually good anime not subpar 6-year-old mainstream anime lol #no offense to people who like high school of the dead or deadman wonderland. they just werent for me #i actually found deadman wonderland somewhat fascinating but the anime fell flat. i plan to read the manga one day #i should also clarify that by feral animal i just mean im grumpy. im not going to say or do anything about it #i'll probably either watch the anime out of spite very soon or refuse to watch it for several years. we shall see #also in other news my ex unblocked me? yeah it the ex that blocked me randomly a few months ago and then undid it right after #it was all very strange. like i said we still talk. we havent fought. i never start conversations they always initiate them #except in special circumstances. i did reach out recently for work related reason because i had a problem that aligned with their job #i did not mention anything about the blocking and neither did they lol. i guess we are pretending it didnt happen #so i have had 3? exes block me only to unblock me a few weeks to months later? why is this a trend #why am i still awake at three am you ask? ANGER #thats half a joke. i am already over the anger with my ex beating me to the shows but i am angry for unrelated reasons #reasons that have to do with another person once again breaking our appointment after they promised we would talk today #they were a complete no show. im rather annoyed by it. but alas~ that is life #im tempted to delete this post because its really just venting but i find the wording of the post itself to be kinda funny so it can live #neo rambles #neo complains in the tags

[futureghost97]

the fact that I now have a voice recording on my phone of me breaking down crying while trying to sing The Best Day… horrendous

#you can literally hear me laughing at how dumb I sound while I’m sniffling my way through the bridge and final verse lol please end me #okay so FIRST OF ALL it is a difficult song to sing without sounding like you are in middle school and straining at your lung capacity #SECOND OF ALL when you are 25 and depressed and trying VERY HARD to have a good relationship with your mother #WHILE YOU ARE BOTH THE EMOTIONAL PUNCHING BAGS OF THE MEN OF THE FAMILY #and then suddenly the end of the song brings in your father and brother and you have to say nice things about them… #difficult! #ANYWHORE I did another recording and I sounded fine and it is now sitting in my mother’s inbox for when she wakes up for work 💅🏻 #because she picked this song (and Never Grow Up) as her two favorites and she said a while ago that she misses me singing in the shower #now I go back to flouncing on my bed and dungeon crawling because! fun fact! #I have not had voice lessons in almost ten years and my voice is a little shot from smoking and also Being Loud At Work #so even though I did some warm ups! holy fuck doing an hour straight of recording NGU and TBD until I was pleased with the results… yowch #how the FUCK was I a chorus kid every day for like 8 years #my stuff

[claitea]

i restarted my pkmn black file a while ago and just beat the elite four and i am feeling. so normal about n harmonia i swear. i just need a minute though going in his room shattered me

#clai speaks #GOD THIS IS WHY. EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT FULLY APPRECIATE BW'S STORY WHEN I FIRST PLAYED BC I WAS LIKE SEVEN #THIS IS WHY N REMAINED MY UNDISPUTED FAVORITE POKEMON CHARACTER FOR TWELVE YEARS UNTIL SUBM@S TOOK OVER #bc its been over a decade since i first finished the game i forgot a lot of the details of the plot #so it was like seeing a lot of stuff for the first time almost. the castle took me offguard i forgot it did that qjvwjevhrvfjb #what absolutely broke me to the point of rambling here is the fact that one of the shadow triad appears. points you to n's room #and tells you ''this is the world given to him''. his world was this one castle. a tiny playroom. #concordia says ghetsis only allowed n to interact with pokemon wronged by humans and that helped shape his drastic worldview #coupled with the fact he was kept in such a tiny world. anthea and concordia say he's pure and innocent. and it was used against him #interacting with his train set suggests it was recently played with. also its still running on its tracks so it has fresh batteries obv #did he go in there? was he Just in there playing with the toys in there #the tracks are scattered and theres a train stuck up into the basketball hoop. he was angry while handling these toys? #the forcefulness of when he talks to alder after beating him really took me offguard bc i'm used to the gentler ns from other media #i forgot he gets that passionate here. it just. Augh #its the little things about the playroom that just. Ruined me now that i'm actually able to appreciate them #the absolute sinisterness of it all. taking this kindhearted kid who didnt know better and molding him into what he is now #still as kindhearted as ever. he has good intentions. but he was restricted and manipulated until he became like this #its just a wonder this went over my head for so many years and only Now do i see it all. i'm broken dont talk to me rn #it just makes the fact that i read his pokemas story literally like two hours ago worse JWHHDHDH #i know pokemas isnt canon but like its close enough. and n seems so much happier there. still on the ''poke balls are restrictive'' thing #but he's been allowed to travel and see new things and now he accepts things he was told were bad. its. i'm gonna cry #I'M NOT EVEN DONE MAN I STOPPED AFTER I WENT IN HIS ROOM I COULDNT TAKE IT #NATURAL HARMONIA GROPIUS MY BELOVED #it just all hit me so hard i needed to ramble about it somewhere #if you read this all thank you for tolerating my Likes N Pokemon Too Much Disease

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 21 (shush, yes it is, I haven't gone to bed yet, it's still yesterday), and more progress has been made on the line-art! :D Drawing those tassels was kind of soothing, actually n_n

#the great artscapade of 2023 #art #my art #forspoken fan art #frey holland #forspoken cuff #holy shit I stayed up late #but in my defense the cat didn't get off of me until like two hours ago XD #and then his dad came home and we talked about computers for awhile #tbh the only reason I stopped was because I got a 10% battery alert #I love ProCreate but it chews through my iPad's battery like whoah

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Dang.

Resurrection day and cc!Tommy’s birthday and a good writing day and getting to spend time with baby cousins?? All on the same day???

#this was a very fun day :D #THE KING IS RISEN!!!!!!! YES!!!!! #listened to Christ And Christ Crucified earlier today—absolutely amazing song fantastic just wonderful just incredible one of my favorites #I actually heard it for the first time a year ago exactly! it was during the Easter service my church does :) #but yes amazing song amazing DAY Jesus is ALIVE!!!! #I actually didn’t realize it was Tommy’s birthday until today XD #can’t believe he’s 19 now oh my gosh :0 #hope he had a good day :) #and writing okayokay; this past week has been pretty busy for me so I didn’t have as much time to write as I usually do #which has been a little frustrating #but I ended up writing over 1K words in about an hour (which was surprising sjsvsjdbwksvsi) and it felt… really really good #especially because I worked on two stories that I’ve been stuck with for a while. it was soooo nice to have inspiration for those again #me and a ton of family members all met up today to celebrate easter/hang out #MY BABY COUSINS I GOT TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM 😭😭 I LOVE THEM SO MUCH #the youngest wanted me to read him a book (twice!!) and held onto my finger as he looked for plastic eggs outside and he just apsgsiagsskshw #and the oldest wanted me to play with her and she gave me a flower and said it was a BFF flower 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #my heart exploded #I love my baby cousins SO DARN MUCH #but anyway allll this to say: today has been good. really fun and kinda busy but really really good #my post #rambling in tags #I AM FILLED WITH SO MUCH HAPPINESS AND LOVE AND JOY

[arthur-r]

just finished a drawing for the hhvcd anniversary but the problem is. i spent like eight-ish hours on it???? over the course of many days???? and my goal had been to make three pictures of each of them. and what i have is a singular drawing of haricot

#i hadn’t like. actually spent time on a drawing. in a really long time like i’ve only sketched for like 20 minutes at a time. maybe an hour #so i was very very lofty with my goals!!!! and now idk what to do cause cd is important and i love cd and i really meant to draw them both #i meant to draw them each in three different super cool and unique outfits and poses!!!! but here i am shdhdf #anyway maybe i’ll have time to make cd but i doubt it. maybe i’ll just be late???? #i’m proud of myself for spending so much time on this picture like more time than i have in years. but it’s sure an inconvenience shdhdf #i think i will probably hold on to my picture until the day of? but i might show it to my best friends private #problem is the hhvcd people are my best friends. nobody to surprise with a picture of haricot if brian and june see it two days early #anyway i’ll see about making cd in the next two days but like. i don’t think i would’ve finished hh if there wasn’t a snow day today #and making just the two original people was supposed to be making it easier for me shdhdf i was going to do something with fog/maybe maggie #but i knew that would be too much so i did the two people who were actually came up with on the day that i’m making them for #but apparently when i actually make art that i don’t entirely hate that actually takes a lot of time and effort #like i knew it would take multiple hours. just not several evenings of hyperfocus and missing dinner #speaking of which. i should stop typing this and go eat some food. and also turn on the light the sun set two hours ago and i didn’t do that #so im sitting here in complete darkness drawing pictures on my phone lit up in a spooky glow probably #so that’s nice. anyway i have to go eat. excited to show everyone my drawing eventually. see you in a while!!!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later #disordered eating cw #(better safe!!!! obviously it wasn’t on purpose. but good to be safe) #ask to tag