#that makes me wanna eat my eyeballs as soup!

[ctitan98official]

@the-night-owl-blr : Gello! Sooooo Y/n is toying around with the potions again and she "accidentally" drank another potion BUT instead of having her personality change I want her voice to change, like into something deep, Corpse husband deep and i wanna see the R8 ladies reaction to it. (Im very much inlove with your vlog do I might request/ask often)

Haha! That’s a good idea! So glad you enjoy my blog :) Read the post this ask is talking about here! Reader, as usual, is gender neutral. Let’s get into it!

Y/N: *Once again messing around in Miranda’s lab*

Miranda: *Keeping a close eye on Y/N as she works, doesn’t want a repeat of the personality swap potion incident, gave Y/N some busy work to keep them occupied* Now, Y/N. You keep organizing those nuts and bolts… It’s very important to my research.

Y/N: You got it, Mother Miranda! *Picks up the pace of their sorting*

Miranda’s doorbell: *Rings*

Miranda: Damn it! I think that might be my Postmates… Y/N, whatever you do, don’t stop organizing, okay?

Y/N: Yes, Mother Miranda!

Miranda: *Satisfied that Y/N is thoroughly distracted, leaves*

Y/N: *Waits for Miranda to be out of earshot, laughs and rubs their hands together* Now, what kind of chaos can I cause today?

Y/N: *Looks through various experiments, finds a bright green potion, can’t resist drinking the forbidden Gatorade*

Miranda: *Comes back into the lab*

Y/N: *Runs back to their spot quickly, starts sorting the nuts and bolts again*

Miranda: *Stuffs a huge burrito in her face, bits of food fly out of her mouth while she talks* Everything okay in here?

Y/N: *Disgusted, nods their head*

Miranda: *Satisfied, snarfs her burrito*

Y/N: *Trying to see if they feel any different, annoyed when nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, decides to just call it a day and head home* Mother Miranda, I’m gonna go back to the castle now. *Voice is like 3 times lower than it normally is, eyes widen in surprise*

Mother Miranda: *Stares at Y/N, loud eating halts, rice and chicken smeared all over her face* Y/N? What’s wrong with your voice?

Y/N: *Totally freaked out, starts inching towards the door so Miranda doesn’t find out what they did* Oh… Um, I think it’s just a head cold. Bye now!

Miranda: *Narrows her eyes at Y/N, wipes her mouth, grabs Y/N by the arm to keep them from leaving, rolls her eyes* Aww. Poor little thing. You don’t mind if I give you a quick check-up do you?

Y/N: *Cringes* U-um, I’m totally fine, Mother Miranda! I’m gonna go home and eat some soup!

Miranda: *Pushes Y/N into a chair and ties them up* I know you took one of my potions again, you little idiot! Which one was it? I want to make sure your eyeballs don’t pop out of their sockets or something.

Y/N: *Horrified, yells* Why do you have a potion that can do that?!

Miranda’s front door: *Bursts open to reveal the Dimi sisters*

Cass: Y/N! Grab your shit we’re taking you home!

Miranda: Girls! We’re in the lab!

The Dimi sisters: *Swarm to where Y/N and Mother Miranda are*

Bela: *Takes one look at Y/N tied up, sighs* What did they do this time, Mother Miranda?

Miranda: *Glaring at Y/N* They took another one of my potions, but they won’t tell me which one.

Dani: I’ll take care of this! *Mercilessly tickles Y/N’s sides* Tell us what we want to know!

Y/N: *Busts out laughing in a deep man’s voice* Haha! Stop it, Dani! I’m gonna piss myself!

The Dimi sisters: *All freeze at what they just heard*

Dani: Wow! Can you do the “Luke, I am your father.” line?! PLEEEEAASSEEE!

Y/N: *Laughs* Luke, I am your father!

Cass and Dani: *Very impressed, clap their hands in approval*

Bela: *Rolls her eyes*

Miranda: *Doesn’t get the reference* You sired a child named Luke?!

The Dimi sisters and Y/N: *Turn to Miranda in outrage* You uncultured swine!

Miranda: *Surprised by the visceral reaction, groans* You know what? All of you get out of my lab. Y/N, if you haven’t become violently ill by now you’ll probably be fine.

Cass: *Cuts Y/N out of the chair*

The Dimi sisters and Y/N: *Start heading home*

Dani: *Keeps making Y/N say funny things in their new voice*

The Dimi sisters and Y/N: *See Donna out for a walk*

Bela: *Giggles and whispers a bad pick-up line for Y/N to tell Donna*

Y/N: *Smiles and nods*

Donna: *Sees the group and walks over to say hello* Good evening, everyone.

The Dimi sisters: *Say hello*

Y/N: *Grins at Donna* Your hand looks heavy… Can I hold it for you?

Donna: *Has a bit of an involuntary fit, cheeks burning* Y/N, w-why would you s-say that! And what’s w-wrong with your v-voice?!

Y/N: *Laughs* Some stupid potion I took at Mother Miranda’s. No big deal though.

Donna: *Asks something non-intelligible because she’s so quiet*

Y/N: *Raises on eyebrow* Sorry, what did you say?

Donna: *Blushes harder, but repeats her question, louder this time* W-would you s-sing “That’s Amore”? *Squeaks in embarrassment and hides her face in her hands*

Y/N: Oh! I know that song! *Clears their throat* When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore!

Donna: *Immediately faints from the ASMR tingles*

The Dimi sisters and Y/N: *Look at each other and shrug, the group makes a detour to drop Donna off at her house*

Angie: *Fucking shocked*

The Dimi sisters and Y/N: *Finally get back home*

Y/N: You three go in and tell your mother we’re home. I’ve got a surprise for Alci! *Chuckles and runs off*

A few minutes later

Y/N: *Kicks the door to Alcina’s bedroom open, wearing a cowboy hat, starts singing* Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low!

Alcina: *Alarmed because she heard a man-thing’s voice, smacks Y/N through a wall*

Y/N: *Groans, lying in the rubble, rubs their head* Alci! It’s me!

Alcina: How dare you call me by that name! Only my spouse is allowed to call me that! *Unsheathes her claws*

Y/N: *Takes off the cowboy hat, holds their hands up in surrender* Alci, babe, it’s me, Y/N! *Shows that they’re wearing their wedding ring*

Alcina: *Eyes widen* Y/N? What happened to you?! Why do you sound like this?!

Y/N: *Dusts themself off, stands up* Well, I took another potion at Miranda’s, hehe… But hopefully it will wear off soon!

Alcina: *Snarls, picks Y/N up by the collar* You buffoon! Now you’re in trouble!

Y/N: *Gulps, scared* Um, is there going to be a punishment or something??

Alcina: *Smirks* Yes! It’s been so long since I’ve had someone with a deep voice to sing a duet with. You’re going to sing whatever I tell you to!

Y/N: That doesn’t sound too bad!

The next morning

Y/N: *Voice is completely gone, Alcina’s still making them sing, about to pass out*

Alcina: *Lounging in her bed, smoking a cigarette* One more verse of “I got rhythm”, draga!

Y/N: *Falls on the floor face-first*

Masterlist

#alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #re8 #re8 village #re8 lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitriscu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #y/n is stupid #re8 shitpost #re8 incorrect quotes #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #mother miranda #donna beneviento

[intimidating-fettuccine]

(general question) do you think you can tell us what the creep's favorite food is?

I.. I was debating what to do for EJ as he can't eat human food.. So I listed his preferred literal human food

Also! I decided to mix things up and answer AS the creeps!

Jeff: "Pancakes, you just can't go wrong with 'em. Best way to start the day."

BEN: "Burgers are always a win in my book! Good for any occassion."

Eyeless Jack: "A nice fatty thigh is fantastic, but I'm also really fond of eyeballs as snacks... Why are you looking at me like that? It's not like I'll eat you up, silly."

Laughing Jack: "Salted caramel is just too delectible for me to place anything else at the top of the list!"

Toby: "Soups of any kind are really nice. They remind me of my mom, since she makes the best soup."

Tim: "A nice honey baked ham is a pretty damn good meal."

Brian: "Spaghetti! Maybe basic, but it just gives me the good vibes!"

Slender: "There are far too many choices for me to narrow this down to just one food. I've eaten basically every type of food.. And they're usually always delicious."

Splendor: "Anything sweet wins my vote!! It's just too hard to resist something nice and sugary."

Offender: "Anything Slender or my mom cooks is a 20/10. Those two are just on a different level in the kitchen."

Trender: "Bruschetta. Elegant and delicious, it's absolutely perfect."

Liu: "Carbonara is pretty nice! Although I'm partial to pasta in general."

Jane: "Sushi is pretty damn good! Always my go-to on a day out."

Natalie: "Grilled fish isn't half bad... I used to make it when I was younger, even caught my own fish."

Helen: "Rare steak. What? I grew up in a wealthy household, I like my steaks. Although.. Hazelnuts are also pretty tasty."

Dr. Smiley: "Curry is pretty yummy. Plus, I can make a whole bunch and have leftovers. Useful for late nights in the lab."

Sally: "Anything sweet!! Cake, candy, cupcakes, chocolate... I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!"

Jason: "Strawberries are the optimal food, but their best forms are natural or covered in chocolate. Nothing else compares to their delightful flavor."

Puppeteer: "Anything with low amounts of salt. It makes me have... Reactions, if you will. Shitty ghost biology."

Zalgo: "Beef wellington is a satisfying dish. Although.. Surely, something as sweet as you would also be quite delicious, yes...? Should I find out..?"

Candy Pop: "Everyone says I'm crazy for it, but I could go nuts for a pack of black licorice! The flavor is too strong you say? Nah, I think it's just right!"

Hobo Heart: "...Slender's homemade chicken pot pie tastes like home to me."

Nina: "Hmmm... I could go for some cake right about now!! Do you wanna go get some?? There's a lovely place just down from the castle!"

Kate: "Anything with cherries in it. I just love how tart their flavor is."

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta headcanons #jeff the killer headcanons #ben drowned headcanons #eyeless jack headcanons #laughing jack headcanons #ticci toby headcanons #tim wright headcanons #brian thomas headcanons #slenderman headcanons #splendorman headcanons #offenderman headcanons #trenderman headcanons #homicidal liu headcanons #jane the killer headcanons #clockwork headcanons #bloody painter headcanons #dr smiley headcanons #sally williams headcanons #jason the toymaker headcanons #puppeteer headcanons #zalgo headcanons #candy pop headcanons #hobo heart headcanons #nina the killer headcanons #kate the chaser headcanons #slender mansion mayhem

[yelloskello]

Minimal Spoons Meatloaf

This is a mix of two recipes I found online combined into one, with a lil bit of tweaking to make it tastier. It requires no chopping of anything, minimal mixing, like 3-4 cooking tools, and when you want to re-make it there's only like 2-3 ingredients you might have to repurchase. It's simple that even with my turnip memory I can for the most part remake this without consulting the recipes it was forged from. It takes 20 minutes-ish to prep and can keep you fed for 1-2 days, or more, depending on how quickly you might inhale an entire meated loaf. It also reheats really well.

I'm writing this right now because i'm eating my delicious leftovers. This recipe will look longer than it is but that's because i'm verbose as hell and want to be thorough in describing my process. It's actually really simple. Promise.

Cooking tools needed

A loaf pan. I've used glass, aluminum, and copper, they all work fine.

A 1 cup measuring cup.

An assortment of measuring spoons (specifically 1 tbsp, 1 tsp, 1/2 tsp, 1/4 tsp. I'm pretty sure most measuring spoons come in a set so whatever's in there.)

Two things to serve as mixing bowls. I have used tupperware before, it really doesn't matter.

Oh and something to grease a pan with. I use pam spray.

Oh and. An oven. Important thing, that

Ingredients for loaf:

1 pound ground beef. I use 80% lean because i like it being pretty fatty, makes it tenderer and tastier, but, up to you dawg

A roll of ritz crackers

Two eggs

Lawry's seasoned salt (to taste)

1 packet lipton onion soup mix

MSG (I use ~Accent Flavor Enhancer~) (to taste)

A lil bit of the sauce we'll get to that don't worry

Ingredients for sauce (this is genuinely the most complicated it gets)

1 cup ketchup

3 tbsp brown sugar (light or dark, doesn't matter. I think I use light.)

2 tsps white vinegar

1 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp onion powder

1/2 tsp MSG

1/4 tsp salt

1/4 tsp pepper

Meat Loaf Strats

Preheat oven to 350.

Grease your loaf pan first because if you're like me and you don't you will end up putting the loaf in the pan and then making a frustrated sound when you realize you forgot to grease it and then you have to take it out again and... Yeah

Hot tip when prepping the pan: A tiiiny bit of water in the bottom makes the loaf even tenderer. Highly recommend.

Make sauce. Dump all that shid in a mixing bowl together and mix with a fork til it's smooth.

Pour a lil bit of that sauce into the mixing bowl for the loaf. I just eyeball this, but for a rough estimate, you wanna use like 1/4th of a cup.

Crush up the ritz crackers. I am blessed with a mallet and I just gently beat up the roll of crackers while they're still in the plastic. Sometimes the plastic breaks, if that's a concern, can just dump 'em in a ziploc and crush 'em up there. Ideally you wanna crush 'em up pretty fine, but if there's some big flakes, it's fine, trust me.

Put all the rest of loaf ingredients in the Loaf Mixing Bowl. Seasoned salt and MSG is ~to taste~, which is such an annoyingly vague direction, but the truth is I eyeball that shit too. If you feel like you added maybe just a little too much seasoned salt, you probably got the right amount.

Mix all that shit up. You... Can do it with a fork, but honestly it's easier to just do it with your (washed!!) hands. Mix it til you're relatively certain it's all pretty equally distributed throughout.

Dump that shid in your pan that you remembered to grease. Form it into a loaf.

Pour remaining sauce on top. You want just enough sauce that it pretty equally covers the whole top of the thing. (If you think you want more sauce than that because the sauce is the best part: it is, but trust me. You don't want more. Trust me.)

Put in oven for 45 minutes.

Ur done!

When i'm done eating I just put tinfoil over the top of the pan and store it in the fridge. When I want to reheat it I put the oven to 350, put a liiittle bit of water in the pan on the side where the leftovers, uh, aren't, recover it with foil, and cook it for 20-30 minutes. TBH comes out even better than when it's fresh.

For the sake of credit where it's due: here's where I got the original sauce recipe, and here's where I found the unbelievably short meat loaf recipe. Credit to these people for being geniuses.

#cooking #meatloaf #recipes

[dog-v3ntz]

if anyone asks me if i like small spoons bc im autistic im going to throw them and bite their eyeballs.

no.

i don’t like small spoons.

i don’t even like spoons.

spoons. are. fucking. gross.

(no hate to you if you like spoons or hate forks)

i only like plastic forks.

i use the color that i feel like eating with, or that i think goes with the food color better.

most times i go with green or blue but sometimes i need to use the purple or red or orange. and sometimes i feel like using a different type of plastic fork (the silly animal ones or small plastic ones from restaurants)

spoons are only ok with soup or a big spoon with something like chili or whatever else is like chili. but not macaroni or anything, those are fork foods.

the small metal spoons make me wanna cvt my tongue on it.

[windywhispers]

Only Chrom is the one is forced to get married before or during the timeskip, the others can do it whenever they want (but hey, at least they don't have children in the middle of a warzone and then dump them into an incubator realm, RIGHT!?)

Oh okay gotcha ! 

AND GOD YEAH,, No one in Fates has a brain....I’m sorry to say... But these kids shouldn’t be here... 

#asks #i was enjoying my time with S support before the deeprealm reminded me of its existence #now im like -_- #i dont want to take kana to war excuse me? #the chrom thing makes sense tho obv lol #well... #the whole awakening thng makes sense #cuz ur not getting knocked during war #and everyone just seems super surprised when their kids do show up so #i assume after war they get kids #which MAKES SENSE HELLO???? FATES?????? #i love fates honestly but sometimes there are decisions made #that makes me wanna eat my eyeballs as soup! #unsuspecting person

[henry-and-the-seven-lords]

Okay, so I’ve read several Obey me boys react to a sick MC hc’s/fic but normally MC has a simple cold or fever and after watching the episodes “Suds” from Spongebob, I decided why not amplify that shit? :D (It’s more of a crack, angst, and fluff)

I’d like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to a sick!MC BUT they are gravely ill; I’m talking sunken eyes, raspy voice, vomiting after every meal, hella frail, and they just look like walking death. To make matters even scarier, MC’s eye or arm would fall off while they’re trying to calm the panicking bois.

MC: I’m fine, it was just a cough ☺️ *eye falls out* Don’t worry about that 🙂 *puts eye back in*

What makes it hurt even more is that MC’s been overworking themselves with RAD, helping the brothers, and trying to survive the Devildom to not even worry about their health. Literally demons that would ignore/threaten MC became concerned for the new human. It doesn’t help that MC just wants to help others so damn bad. If the illness strains their legs to the point of them being unable to walk, that’s not gonna stop them from physically pulling themselves to where the brothers are to help them, noodle legs and all.

MC:*is on Death’s doorstep but hears the Brothers talk about a problem in the kitchen*

Lucifer: Beel, don’t eat the jar of you can’t open it-*damn near chokes on his tongue when he sees MC dragging their body to the boys and they look even worse than usual*

MC: I can help :D

I’m messed up for such an idea and I understand if you don’t wanna do it or don’t feel comfy with it. Something about seeing these bois become hella protective and worried for MC makes my heart happy 😭

No, I would love to do it, but MC puts her eye back!? Is she a zombie? (Maybe that is a different headcannon/AU for a different day...)

I looked up the Suds (disease) forum on the spongebob wiki and it said it was the cold with extra symptoms. So MC has an extreme cold! One that makes their eyes pop out and their arms fall off... with a dash of "I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms, at night I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep."

I am stuck on how to make this a headcannon set, so these are going to blurbs of little interactions the brothers have had with a gravely ill!MC

This was really fun to write and kind of what I needed to day. I hope you enjoy this and let me know if this isn't right so I can fix it!

TW: Mentions broken bones, falling out eyes, and pulling off arms

Brothers Masterlist | Dateables Masterlist

Brothers Reactions to a Gravely ill MC

💙 Lucifer and Beel ❤-

Lucifer has been going around the House most of the morning taking care of his Brothers in MC's stead. MC woke up with a terrible pounding in their head and he knew that they just needed to rest by how pale their skin was. Yet it was difficult for him to manage his brothers without them. Especially when it came to Beel and his appetite.

"Beel please do not eat the entire jar of peanut butter."

"But it is faster..."

"No it isn't, you just think it is-"

Lucifer stops his scolding as he hears smacking coming from the hallway. Both brothers look toward each other before slowly approaching the doorway.

There, pulling themselves by their hands across the dirty floor is MC. Their legs are twisted in a painful way behind them.

Immediately the pair run over with Beel picking them up in his arms and Lucifer inspecting their legs confusedly.

"MC, how did you do this?" Beels voice is lace with concern.

"Oh. I rolled off my bed and they ended up like that. I wanted to come and see how you were doing!" A smile fills their face as they stare at the two perplexed demons.

"Is there a way to fix something like this?" Lucifer face is filled with confusion.

"Oh yeah! Beel, set me down in the chair." The two brothers then watch as MC snaps their kneecaps back into place before beginning to giggle and swing their legs.

"See! All better! They are still a little too weak for me to walk though."

The two glance at each other completely disturbed.

Lucifer swallows the lump in his throat and eventually speaks up, "I didn't know human illnesses were so... brutal."

💚 Satan, Levi 🧡 and Belphie 💜 -

Satan, Levi, and Belphie were given some very important jobs. They were told to feed the sick human, give them medicine, and make them sleep. They were also supposed to help the human stay comfortable so there wouldn't be any incidents like this morning.

"Let me fix your pillow, MC" Satan reaches around gently fluffing it while they lean forward.

"You guys are so sweet, but you really don't have to do this. I am fine! Seriously!"

"I'm not so sure about that..." Levi as WI concern as he hold up a spoonful of soup to MC's mouth.

MC opens their mouth and hums in satisfaction as they taste it.

"Lucifer said there were some... complications... this morning and you need to be watched over. So we are here if you need anything." Belphie's voice is soft sleep as he speaks. His head rests on MC's lap as they card their fingers through his hair.

"Whatever you- Achoo!" As MC sneezes their hands cup in front of their face. When they remove them their eyeball sits in their hands.

The shock of the sneeze wakes Belphie and he sits up.

"AHHHH" Levi jumps back dropping the soup on the ground.

"What are you screaming about Levia-" Satan looks to Levi to see him pointing at MC's hands when he looks down he sees their eye staring back at him and he pales.

"Ugh, I got hair on it again." MC begins to pull off a hair as Belphie finishes rubbing his eyes and sees for himself what the commotion is about.

"Oh no. MC, I don't think this is normal." Belphie's voice is soft as he looks to MC's face.

"No, it's fine. See." MC then proceeds to pop their eye back in and the three watch in horror as it spins around until the iris is facing forward once again. All the while MC is smiling.

"This can't be a normal human disease." Levi says as he holds himself back from vomiting.

💛 Mammon and Asmo 💖 -

Asmo had offered to take care of all of MC's hygiene needs while they got better. He had thought it would be some good alone time with them. Sadly, he was interrupted when Mammon had insisted on helping bathe MC. Now MC sits in a warm bubble bath and Mammon and Asmo sit on the rim of the tub helping scrub MC arm and hair respectively.

"You both are so sweet for doing this. I would have been fine taking a shower after I got better." MC smiles quickly at Mammon and then up towards Asmo.

"Well I couldn't have you sitting in your own filth! Even though you look amazing all the time, a nice bath can relax your aching bone and make you feel better." Asmo has a chipper tone as he grabs some water from the bathtub to rinse out the shampoo.

"Yeah. Besides I couldn't have Asmo here doing it by himself. I didn't want him takin' advantage of ya in this state." Mammon grumbled as he gently tugged on MC's arm while scrubbing.

"I would never take advantage of them, Mammon. I am not some scumbag like you." Asmo's voice got louder as he began to scrub harder.

"I ain't no scumbag! Tell him MC!" As he speaks he tugs a little harder and the pair he a tear as MC's arm comes off at the shoulder. MC winces at the sound.

"Mammon, what did you do to my precious MC!?" Asmo clings to MC's head trying to pull them as far away from Mammon as possible.

"Nothing! I wasn't pulling that hard! Was I MC? I thought I was being gentle?!" Mammon's voice is frantic as he still holds MC's arm.

MC snatches the arm back before saying, "Calm down. Both of you. It's fine."

With a loud popping sound MC pushes their shoulder back into place. They sigh in relief and swing their arm to make sure the limb still works.

"There we go. You don't know how cold your shoulder bone gets without an arm attached to it."

MC then ducks their head below the water rinsing the rest of the shampoo out. While the two demons sit there completely dazed.

So that is what Lucifer tried to warn them about.

#obey me #obey me fluff #obeyme #fluff #angst #crack #obey me blurbs #obey me imagines #blurbs #obey me lucifer #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me mammon #gravely ill!MC #obey me crack #obey me brothers #TW #broken bones #eyes #falling off arms #gore

[2-cute-4-school]

𝘯𝘤𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘴/𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦

requested by the national cutie pie @heartyyjeno​

Mark Lee

he can be a bit oblivious sometimes bless his soul꒰๑˃͈꒵˂͈๑꒱୭

so he’s kinda clueless as why tf you’re so pouty 

has he said anything stupid earlier? forgotten any important date?? or... even worse

ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD?? (ｼ;ﾟДﾟ)ｼ  ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵒⁿᵉ ʰᵃˢ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᵒʷⁿ ᵖᵉʳᶦᵒᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿ’ᵗ ᶜʰᵃⁿᵍᵉ ᵐʸ ᵐᶦⁿᵈ ˢᵒʳʳʸ

he’s too nervous to even prod at you rn

especially after a trainee who just happens to be wearing his hoodie passes by and you-

did you just growl?!?? ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

but you’re his baby and you’re just SO deflated and he HATES seeing you anything but happy and lively so he just can’t stand by and watch you so upset cuz his lil heart hurts too (๑◕︵◕๑)

“babe, are you uh alright?”

“yeah, just a little bit cold” *trying to subtly hint him*

“oh! that’s not good, you should have dressed warmer, should i go ask manager-hyung to turn up the heating in the practice room??”

 ‘maybe i should just set your ass on fire to warm up’ (►˛◄’!)

“or do you maybe want my hoodie?? it should be enough so you won’t be cold anymore, where did i... ohhhhh”

*light bulb turning on above his head* (〇o〇；)

“it’s fine mark, it’s not like you love me anyway it’s fine i should have seen this coming” *loud fake sobbing in your hands* *mark panic*

“no no baby come on-”

“let’s just get the divorce papers, mark lee!!!!”

“but we’re not married-” *sobbing intensifies* “i’m sorry, I’M SORRY!!! i didn’t mean to!! here, just a second!!” (´⊙ω⊙`)！

this specimen just took off his shirt and draped it over you in the middle of the practice room

“mark, wtf are you doing?!?? i was only kidding!!”

“how was i supposed to know, what if you were seriously upset-”

“hyung, can you help-”  *chenle slams door closed* *dolphin screams* “you’re paying for my eyeball removal surgery, you nasties!!”

“chenle NO”

Huang Renjun

my man here catches on pretty quickly what your pout is about

you didn’t make it exactly hard to notice either (；¬д¬)

“y/n, want some ice cream?”

“no, i’m cold, you can shove it up yo ass and share with dear [redacted]”

jesus i wonder why your s/o is mad renjun

he’s not sure how to approach the situation at first, worried that he might get a tube of ice shoved somewhere he wouldn’t want it to ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

he decides to just be himself read as blunt

“baby come oooon, i can ask them to give it back”

“no, then i’ll seem like a possessive bitch” (Θ︹Θ)ს

“don’t call yourself that!! but then should i just run back to the dorms and get another hoodie?”

“no, i missed you this week, i don’t want you to leave”

“then you can just come with me?” (≖^≖๑ )ﾌ

“but i’m too lazy to get up” same reader same

renjun : ఠ ͟ಠ then wth DO YOU WANT ?!!!?!!

your soul renjun

he’s a bit lost and you’re kinda under the weather too and he HATES it because you’re his kitten and he CAN’T and WON’T allow you to feel anyhting but like absolute royalty with him ೕ(⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́ฅ)

so he just drapes himself over your back, wrapping his arms tightly around you, caging you in a warm embrace and nuzzling his cheek into yours

“who needs a hoodie when they’ve got a junnie??!?!” (˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑)

how could anyone stay mad when a cutie like renjun just curls himself around you and pulls you flush against himself, wrapping his limbs around you and peppering kisses everywhere in reach

you’re basically purring in content at this how could you not 」(￣▽￣」)

depending on how tired the both of you are, you might qualify for a good ol’ nap cuddled up against renjun 

but don’t let this fool you

you AIN’T gona catch him making the same mistake again

he’s asking you first about absolutely anything

“no renjun, i don’t need the last of your toilet paper, why do you even- you know what, don’t answer that, just go take a shit in peace” Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

Lee Jeno

we all know jeno is too much of a sweetheart to say ‘no’ (๑′ᴗ‵๑)

he might be freezing himself and he’d still give his hoodie away to the first person who asks learn how to say NO kids

so now you’re both freezing and on top of everything you’re upset too

that’s a DOUBLE KILL for sweet babie jeno (๑◕︵◕๑)

“babe i’m sorry how was i supposed to know you don’t like them??”

“it’s not even that, jeno, you’re literally shivering!! why would you give it if you’re cold too?”

and that’s when jeno’s bf sathelit sprung into action

“wait... ‘too’?? are you cold, my baby??!??!?” (ʘᗩʘ’)

“no, wait, i mean yes, but that’s not-”

“i’ll be back in a second” he isn’t even kidding

he comes back with a blanket AND heating pads (that he doesn’t miss a second to clutch to your cheeks and then coo at your fish face)

“where did you get these from?” *suspicious*

he tells you he borrowed stole them from hyuck by politely asking for them threatening with a flex of his arm while eye smiling the entire time hyuck stood no chance ( ⚆ ᴗ ⚆ ) *nervous chuckle*

but jeno allows you no debating time before he wraps you in the blanket like a lil cutie patootie WARM burrito and leaves a *smooch* to your forehead ( ˘ ³˘)♥

you can spend an eternity arguing with him that you should take turns since he’s cold too, he isn’t taking ANY OF IT

his bubs isn’t allowed to be cold and he wants you to forget about who he lent his hoodie to too

the only way you can get him to relent is refusing to stay cocooned in it

“y/n, wear it or you’ll catch a cold!!” ( •̀ω•́ )σ

“sorry to burst your bubble, but you can and will catch a cold too!!”

that’s how you found yourself sandwiched between jeno’s arms, suffocating from both his bodt warmth and the blanket enveloping THE BOTH of you

best sauna would 110% recommend ୧( ⁼̴̶̤̀ω⁼̴̶̤́ )૭

Lee Donghyuck

my man here knows EXACTLY what he’s doing once *that person* asks him for his hoodie with a flirty smile

he lends it over with that shit eating grin but not without watching from the corner of his eye as you deflated like a loney baloney ( ◞᷄દ◟᷅ )

pretends to not notice your pout and lack of answers to his remarks

“y/n, wanna order chinese tonight?”

sweet, but not on my watch asshole *silence* (˵¯͒⌢͗¯͒˵)

“i’ll take that as a yes, i’ve been craving some seaweed soup”

*eye twitch*

‘fine u lil booger two can play at this game’ (•̀o•́)ง

you leave the room and return... wrapped up in MARK’S sweater and plop down back next to hyuck proudly (ฅ��̴̀◊⁍̴́)

he tenses up and turns to you

“y/n” ooooh damn you’re in deep shit

*you bat your eyelashes innocently* “yes my dear?”

“you stink, can you move further away?”

you... did not... JUST HEAR THAT??!?!!? (ﾉꐦ ⊙曲ఠ)ﾉ彡┻━┻

but you get up and walk with your tail between your legs to the other side of the room and curl up in a ball of failure

you both do your own things insilence until-

*sniffle* *hiccup* *SNIFFLE*

“y/n?” *silence*”baby??” *hiccup*

oh no oh no NO NO, hyuck’s baby ain’t crying on his watch (╯’□’)╯

he DASHES to your side and envelops you in his arms while cooing apologies and sweet nothings in your ear

“come on baby, you know i didn’t mean it, i just want your attention and your attention only and i only meant that mark’s hoodie stinks, never you, you’re my baby, you can’t-” ヾ( •́д•̀ ;)ﾉ

and then your shoulders start shaking and hyuck starts to actually worry until your sobs turn into... giggles?? hold up, WHAT??

he turns you around just to see you in a fit of giggles, the only tears present are the ones building up in your eyes from laughter

“oh you think you’re smart, don’t you??” (⁎⁍̴̀﹃ ⁍̴́⁎)♡

ATTACC OF TICKLES FOR YOU

Na Jaemin

another sweetheart tbh who wouldnt be able to refuse out of courtesy

but he just KNOWS he fcked up the moment you turn away when he leans in to kiss you (︶︹︺) ╯ ( ് દ ് )

but he ain’t giving up so easily

no matter how upset you are, depriving him of his dose of kisses? federal crime!!!! CRUELTY!!!!!!! ╰[ ಠ Ĺ̯ಠ]╯

so he keeps on pushing his affections on you

a clutching back hug, a rushed kiss wherever he is able to land it considering your struggle to avoid him, a nuzzle against your cheek, a pinch to your cheeks, a failed attempt to lockyour hands together

my man here tries not to show disappointment whenever you succesfully escape his ♡ 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 ♡   

jaemin, grumbling: “you and jisungie, a couple of hooligans, i’ll leave you on the welcome mat tonight for this” (҂⌣̀_⌣́) he won’t he loves you too much, he can’t fall asleep if he’s not 110% sure you’re well fed and happy

but he still babies you to no end

“come on my baby, what should i do so you forgive me hm?”( *¯ ³¯*)♡

you, an entire baby: *huff* “so now you care huh? go ask or no, go TAKE CARE of [redacted]” 

jaemin’s last braincell performing swan lake on thin ice male version 2020 be like ₍₍ ◝( ･’ω’･ )◟ ⁾⁾

so he sighs and leaves the room

so NOW you’re worrying that mayyyybe you pushed him a bit too far

but before you even get the chance to walk down the hallway in your mighty search for your boyfriend, everything suddenly goes black

no you didn’t pass out or did you

jaemin just creeped up on you and ENGULFED you in a blanket hug for which he DEFINITELY didn’t run a marathon to buy༼つ ் ▽ ் ༽つ

when you finally manage to worm your head out of the fluffy cocoon he engulfed you in, your words were still muffled

“nana?? how did you even-???”

he just hugs you tighter and cuts off your questions

“shhh, all that matters is that you are ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE and i am maybe perhaps forgiven??”  ◕ ‿ ◕ 

how could you ever refuse this precious soul

Zhong Chenle

so i can see one(1) scenario in which he would lend his hoodie to someone he SPECIFICALLY knows you don’t fancy

if you had a let’s say disagreement before and we all know he can be PETTY big time sooo basically he’d do it just to spite you ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

and the lil shiz looks SO PROUD of himself

but you’re not letting the brat win we ain’t no losers _へ__(‾◡◝ )>

so you just creep up behind him and stick your glacier hands up his shirt and rest them on his warm back

when i’m telling you he broke the record for the highest jump and most likely shattered any windows in the vicinity ༻(〃ຶ⌂〃ຶ)

“y/n!!!! keep your ice cubes to yourself!!”

“but i’m cold”

“your cold, your problem”

“watch me say the same thing when jaemin’s chasing you around with a wooden ruler” （；¬＿¬)

things settle down after that

or so he thought!!!!! (งಠل͜ಠ)ง never let your guard down lele sigh

another sneak attack to make sure chenle gets a SOUR taste of absolutely pure pettiness so he gets sick of it himself lol

this time a bitch ain’t joking

you shove your entire head under his shirt and then slither yourself so the top of your head pops out of chenle’s shirt collar let’s hope chenle made the wise choice of wearing a loose shirt so you both won’t suffocate

so you just blink up at him like (◕ᴥ◕)

and chenle is shrieking the entire time sigh

and while you’re too cute for him, its not exactly comfortable for either of you so he pats your head and begs asks you to get out of his shirt(?)

“am i getting your hoodie then?”

“i can’t just barge in and ask for it back”

“alright them i’m suffocating you FUN” (╯✧∇✧)╯

“i’m buying you an entire store of hoodies, JUST GET.OUT!!!”(;≧皿≦）

you have to restrain him for actually going on a shopping spree cuz he LOVES spoiling you but he pays in cuddles while you’re snuggling in your favourite hoodie of his

Park Jisung

confused babie /(@ﾟﾍﾟ@) a mood 

he probably lent his hoodie cause he was too shy to refuse and didn’t even know you don’t like the person he gave it to

and then he’s clueless when you’re pouty ｢(ﾟ<ﾟ)ﾞ??

jisung: “do you want some water??”

you: *grumbling visibly upset* ( ｰ̀εｰ́ )

jisung, at a safe distance away from you, scratching his head, rethinking life choices: “...okay, maybe not. how about choco milk?”

he keeps an eye on you but other than that he’s LOST lol

that’s when the ✨𝓱𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓰𝓼✨ kick in

emergency contact momma jaemin is the first person jisung calls once he escaped to the ‘bathroom’

“jisung, you know i love you, BUT ARE YOU DUMB?? HOW COULD YOU- blahblahblah” my man is listening to an entire rant about how to treat your partner well 101 (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”

now that he knows the theory, he needs the practice

but you might already worry that he fell in the toilet with how long he’s been gone for god forbid you fall into that dark void

so he calls chenle

“chenle, i’m treating you to hotpot if you bring me a blanket or hoodie in less than 5 minutes”

“add in some steak and it’s a deal” ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

“i’m so selling your soul for a piece of gum, FINE!! just be quick!!”

THIS BOI RIGHT HERE!! A TREASURE!!!! he would step on his honour just to make sure his bubs is hapyy ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰

so after he excuses himself again to retrieve the blanket from chenle

he BURRITO WRAPS you in it and then sits down next to your confused but undeniably happy form and pats your head nervously while he rambles you’re still his most sought after for of comfort no matter what

“i’m sorry for being a bad boyfriend, i should have realized you’d be cold too and that i should always put you first and i-”

you cut him off with a chaste kiss to his cheek which definetely doesn’t leave him speechless and tomato red in the cheeks (๑♡⌓♡๑)

“it’s okay, i was just being dramatic, you should always put yourself first tho, okay baby??”

baby is malfunctioning but he still nods mindlessly and kisses your cheek back ( ᵅั ᴈ ᵅั;)

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct angst #nct fluff #nct #nct dream #nct reactions #nct requests #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #nct dream reactions #nct fic #nct dream fic #nct x reader #nct mark #nct jaemin #nct jeno #nct renjun #nct jisung #nct haechan #nct chenle

[candied-peach]

ao3: “under the lights” rating: T warnings: food/alcohol mention, sympathetic remus, prinxiety genre: fluff description: Virgil arranges a date in the Imagination.

Roman's eyes stray toward the half-cracked door to the Imagination again. Beyond that door lies his boyfriend. (And his brother. While he is slightly worried about Virgil being in his side of the Imagination, Remus being there alarms him even more. But Virgil promised that he'd keep an eye on him and that he required Remus's help, so he subsided, at least somewhat. He probably wouldn't open the door to a waterfall of tomato soup and tentacle eyeball trees. Probably.)

But he still has no idea what Virgil and Remus are doing, and it's making it difficult for him to concentrate on his work. Virgil said nothing this morning, only requested access to the Imagination for the day, having already borrowed his brother.

Roman throws down his pen, giving it up as a bad job, when the door to the Imagination creaks fully open and Virgil peers round it.

"Ro!" Virgil says, in obvious delight. Roman glows under his boyfriend's unabashed happiness to see him. "It's ready now."

"What's ready?" Roman asks, getting up. Virgil smirks.

"You'll see," Virgil says. "Remus had to help me, I uh, can't really fix things in here like I wanted to."

"That's...nice of him," Roman manages to say, after a thoughtful pause. The tentacle eyeball horrors seem to loom closer. Virgil looks apologetically at him, holding out what Roman recognizes as a blindfold.

"Really?" Roman asks, with a pout. Virgil nods.

"So you'll be surprised!" Virgil explains. "Is that- is that all right?"

"For you, it is," Roman says. "Now if it was just for Remus..." Virgil laughs, pushing his hair out of his face.

Roman dons the blindfold, carefully securing it behind his ears.

"I'll hold your hand," Virgil says. "I promise not to guide you into any trees."

"Thank you," Roman says dryly. "My princely countenance is not fit for an encounter with a tree."

"How about with a Virgil?" Virgil asks. He feels Virgil's breath ghost across his face as Virgil plants a tiny kiss on his chin.

"Those are always welcomed," he says at once, brightening when he hears Virgil's delighted laugh.

"Good," Virgil says.

As they step into the Imagination, a soft breeze flutters across Roman's face, stirring his hair and filling his nose with the scent of lavender and roses.

"Just go straight," Virgil directs. "I didn't wanna change too much or go overboard or anything-"

"A disappointment, if you ask me," Remus says out of nowhere. "Gotcha covered, Emo Nightmare." Roman hears a dull smack, as if Remus has hit himself in the head. "You're all set."

"Thank you, Remus," Virgil says. "We'll play Just Dance with you and Janus tomorrow, I promise."

"We'll do what?" Roman asks, alarmed, as they continue down the path.

"That was Remus's price for helping," Virgil says, with what feels like a shrug.

"Have you ever played with him and Janus?" Roman asks with a grimace. "They're relentless!"

"At least we'll get our exercise in?" Virgil says.

"I get plenty of exercise already," Roman defends himself. "It's hard work, defending a kingdom from the predations of a dragon witch!"

"You literally plan out your battles with her," Virgil points out. Red dusts Roman's cheeks.

"Yes, well, that's besides the point," he mumbles. "It isn't like we don't still fight." Virgil drops the subject, and they continue for a few more minutes, before Virgil gently stops him.

"This is it," Virgil says. "Um, I really hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will," Roman vows, as he feels Virgil's fingers fumbling to take off the blindfold.

Virgil steps away and Roman gasps, eyes eagerly drinking in his surroundings.

It's a clearing he recognizes as the backdrop to some of their picnics in the past, but Virgil and Remus have transformed it. White fairy lights bob in the air, illuminating the clearing with soft warmth. A gazebo sits proudly in the center, rose bushes surrounding it with red and black roses, all sprawled open in full bloom. The clearing itself is carpeted in tiny purple flowers, dotted here and there with warm gold. Virgil snaps his fingers and music begins to play- Roman can't recognize it, but it's slow and classical and it makes him feel like one of the flowers in front of him, slowly blossoming under the light of the full slice of moon.

"Virgil, this is amazing!" Roman exclaims. His heart feels like it might burst, he has no other words to describe it. The table in the gazebo is sprinkled with red rose petals, two glasses of champagne fizzing.

"Yeah?" Virgil asks, nearly stammering. Roman nods, tugging on Virgil's hand and twirling him closer.

"I love it," Roman says sincerely. "It's absolutely gorgeous, storm cloud. Thank you."

"I just, you know-" Virgil looks up through his fringe. "I wanted it to be special."

"It's very special," Roman says sincerely.

"I thought we could eat something- Patton made it, not Remus," Virgil hastens to assure him. "And dance maybe if you'd like that, or we could do anything else, it's up to you, it-" Roman stops him with a gentle touch to his cheek.

"Dancing sounds amazing," Roman says softly. Virgil sags in relief, heterochromatic eyes bright.

"Good," he says. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Roman murmurs. Virgil peeks up at him again.

"Can I confess something?" Virgil asks.

"Of course," Roman says. "Anything." Virgil chews on his bottom lip for a second, glancing back toward the gazebo.

"Patton packed it all up and everything but uh, I can't stand champagne," Virgil confesses. Roman laughs, leaning down and kissing Virgil's forehead.

"Neither can I," he admits.

tag list:  @k9cat @paravigilant-virgil @croftergamer @airiervessel @littlestliu @matthindavick @ambersky0319 @yalltookmyurlideas @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @ihateitwhenyourejustvague @bexxbeauty @killjoy-3000  @the-sunshine-dims @sneaky-slytherin @reesiereads @rabbitsartcorner @quackerz-creations  

#🍬 txt #sanders sides #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #virgil sanders #roman sanders #virgil #roman #remus #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #📚 #ok to rb #peach writes

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 4: Bluebird (originally published on December 28, 2020)

Author's note: We're at the halfway point of Part 1 here, two antagonists return for vengeance on Steven, but is there more to this than just screwing with him? We'll just have to wait and see!

Synopsis: A pair of old foes return, and Steven learns that he can't change everyone.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Jennifer Paz as Lapis Lazuli

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Michelle Maryk as Larimar

Kimberly Brooks as Cherry Quartz

Martha Higerada as Topaz

Ted Leo as Steg

--

"Hello there, all you Gems out there in the universe!" Steven announced as he warped into Little Homeworld as part of a commercial for Little Homeschool. "Has this new era for our universe gotten you all lost and confused? Well, come on down to Little Homeschool!"

"Are you used to destroying things?" Steven continued speaking as he walked in on Lapis making a sculpture, and Lapis just turned her head to him. "Then try learning to be constructive instead!"

Next, Steven stood with Peridot in a cornfield. "Are you used to plotting? Then come tend to this big plot of land!"

Finally, the camera closed in on Steven's face. "Feeling lost without the Diamonds telling you what to do?" he asked as the camera zoomed out to show him doing a yoga pose with Garnet. "Then we can help you find your inner center!"

As the ad concluded, Steven posed with Peridot, Little Larimar, and Angel Aura Quartz at Little Homeworld. "Everyone deserves an opportunity to grow, so come on down to Little Homeschool today!" he exclaimed. "And cut! Thanks for helping out everyone."

"I'm an actor." Larimar said.

"I'll get home and get some editing done." Steven said, preparing to walk away with the camera when Peridot stepped up from behind. "Anything you need now, Peri?"

"Steven, you smell good." Peridot innocently complimented Steven with two thumbs up, much to his confusion.

"I'm sorry, what?" Steven asked the green Gem.

"That's what your back told me to do." Peridot explained before she took a crudely written note with that exact message off Steven's back. "See, you wrote this yourself!"

"No, I didn't." Steven claimed as he took a sip from a box, but realized too late what he was drinking. "Tomato soup?!" he gagged.

"I thought you loved that stuff!" Peridot assumed.

"Yeah but, where did my juice go?" Steven wondered. Suddenly, a roll of toilet paper rolled away from the Dondai Supremo, and it was covered in more rolls. "Oh no!" Steven yelled in surprise. "The Dondai's been….covered in toilet paper?"

The mystery prankster was nowhere to be seen, with only their cheeky laughter as a calling card.

"Okay, whoever's pranking me, you got a really weird idea of how to do it!" Steven called out for his new opponent. "Where did they even get this much toilet paper?"

--

A little while later, Steven drove his now toilet paper-free car back home, where he noticed the front porch all decorated and music coming from inside.

"Another welcome party?" Steven muttered while noticing the welcome banner above his front door. "Oh, a new Gem must've come!"

As Steven walked inside, another banner saying 'Welcome Bluebird' hung over him and a piñata in his image were not too far away. Speaking with Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl was an unknown Gem with a burgundy bowl-cut, four legs, a pair of wings, and a suit jacket that was red on one side & blue on the other.

"Oh, hello Steven, our new friend here really wants to meet you." Pearl greeted Steven.

"Yeah, come over here and introduce yourself!" Amethyst added.

"Welcome to Earth." Steven greeted the new Gem politely. "My name's-"

"Of course I know who you are. Everyone does!" the new Gem interrupted him in a Cockney accent as she turned around to reveal that she was a fusion and had both her components' gems on her face. But they were two Gems that Steven recognized a little too well. In place of the fusion's left eye was a Ruby, and beneath it was an Aquamarine. "The old Gem savior himself, Steven Universe. Bluebird Azurite at your service." she declared before hugging him. "Come on now, give us a hug!"

"Cute." Garnet grinned.

"Oh, you like food, yes?" Bluebird asked a very unnerved Steven.

"Uh, yeah?" Steven replied sheepishly.

"Well sit tight then, I'll be right back!" Bluebird said before she flew away.

"What?!" Steven yelled.

"Yeah, she's just got here and already knows what she wants to do in life." Topaz said as she appeared next to Steven. "Isn't that great?"

"Don't you find this weird that the Gem who treated you like trash is suddenly all nice now?" Steven asked the big yellow fusion. "Why are you so chill?!"

"That was the past, Steven." Topaz assured Steven. "This is now, all thanks to you."

Just then, Bluebird returned to Steven with a plate of food. However, all of them were known to cause allergic reactions in people, as he observed.

"What's all this?" Steven asked.

"Why, it's food, of course!" Bluebird said as she presented the platter. "Clams, peanut butter, with a side of grass! Go on, try it."

"Yeah, don't wanna keep her waiting." Amethyst convinced Steven to try the dish.

"S-sure, I'll just dip this here." Steven reluctantly obliged, and took a bite of the grass. "Mmm!"

"Is it good?" Bluebird asked him.

"Yeah, I love it!" Steven fibbed in an attempt to keep their guest happy.

"Brilliant." Bluebird added with a cheeky grin.

"Can I see you guys in the bathroom?" Steven asked the Crystal Gems.

--

Greg was busy combing his hair in the bathroom when his son knocked on the door.

"Dad, it's Steven." Steven called for his dad. "We're gonna need you to let us in, emergency meeting."

After Greg let his son and friends in, Steven sat the Gems down to tell them what he thought of Bluebird. "Gems, I don't want to alarm you, but I think Bluebird may be a fusion of Aquamarine and Eyeball!"

"Uh, duh!" Amethyst exclaimed.

"It was incredibly obvious." Garnet added.

"Well, why are you guys so blasé about this?" Steven asked his guardians. "Did you suddenly forget when Aquamarine & Topaz came down to capture all my friends, and I had to surrender myself to save them? Or what about when Eyeball tried to kill me when we were stuck in space together? She also ratted me out during my trial!"

"Like Topaz said, that was then, and this is now." Pearl calmly assured him. "Besides, aren't you contradicting yourself a bit right now? I mean-"

"But I'm pretty sure they pranked me earlier at Little Homeworld." Steven explained. "They put a sign on my back saying I smelled good, switched my drink with tomato soup, and covered my car with neatly-stacked toilet paper."

"None of that seems particularly malicious," Garnet said. "Heck, Amethyst probably did one of those things at some point."

"It's true!" Amethyst responded. "There was this one time before you were born where Rose and I threw toilet paper all over town because Greg told us about it!"

"Besides, don't you like tomato soup?" Greg asked his son.

"Yeah, but don't you find it weird that she knew where I lived?" Steven asked.

"Steven, you've literally invited all problematic Gems across the universe to come to Earth and learn a better way of living." Pearl bluntly said.

"Listen Schtu-ball, if you don't like this new Gem, that's perfectly okay." Greg stated. "Just don't be so upfront about it and hurt her feelings."

"No, you're right guys." Steven agreed. "Everyone deserves a second chance."

"But if she really is more than she seems," Garnet declared. "we'll come in and squash her!"

"Thanks Garnet." Steven smiled at his favorite fusion before returning to the living room.

--

As Steven walked out of the bathroom, while the other Gems and Greg poked their heads outside, he found Bluebird chatting it up with Topaz by the couch. "Hey Bluebird!"

"Oh, hello Steven!" Bluebird cheerfully greeted him. "I was just reconnecting with an old chum and thought 'Hey, I should've given him something to wash all that food down with!' Want a drink?" she asked, offering him a soda.

"I'd love one." Steven accepted Bluebird's offer. "Y'know, maybe you two have changed." Just as Steven opened the can, soda squirted back in his face.

"Oh my, how did that happen?" Bluebird cheekily asked.

"YOU obviously shook it!" Steven accused the fusion of his old foes, when Garnet cleared her throat behind him.

"Chance to change." Garnet told Steven.

"You obviously shook it," Steven grumpily corrected himself. "By accident."

--

A while later, the party was over and everyone had left the beach house. As Steven walked downstairs to the living room, he discovered Bluebird holding a knife while Pearl was looking for something in the fridge.

"Pearl, watch out!" Steven cautioned Pearl. "Bluebird's got a knife!"

"Of course I did." Bluebird menacingly answered, but then immediately changed her tune. "Because I wanted to help cut this cake Pearl made for you!"

"Surprise!" Pearl exclaimed, presenting a cake with vanilla frosting that she got out of the fridge. On top of the cake was Steven's portrait, but his facial features were replaced with a butt. "Bluebird chose the design for me. You like it?"

Steven glared suspiciously at Bluebird as he stuck his finger in the cake, and licked the frosting off it.

--

Later on at Little Homeworld, Steven walked around to collect his thoughts when he discovered Bluebird grabbing Garnet and putting her in a wrestling hold. "Oh no, someone help! Bluebird's got Garnet!" he shrieked. "You let Garnet go this instant!"

"Don't fret Steven." Garnet calmed Steven's nerves as she was let go. "Bluebird was helping me do some stretches before I could teach her some yoga."

"Always important to stretch." The other fusion informed, eliciting an angry moan from Steven.

--

Back at home; Steven was angrily eating some Chaaaaps when he felt something that wasn't a chip inside the bag in his lap. In the bag, Steven discovered a poorly-drawn purple sketch of him with stink-lines surrounding him. "Ugh."

"What's up dude?" Amethyst asked him.

"Bluebird's really getting to me!" Steven complained as he showed the drawing to Amethyst. "I mean, look at this terrible drawing of me!"

"Steven, I-" Amethyst recognized the drawing as Steven scooped out more of them from his jacket.

"All of these too!" Steven cut Amethyst off. "I've been finding these awful scribbles all over!"

"Steven, these were all my drawings of you!" Amethyst began sobbing, and she ran away in tears.

"Amethyst, I'm sorry!" Steven tried apologizing to his Gem sister when Bluebird walked into the house.

"Aw, dry those tears, love, and tell me what's wrong." Bluebird comforted the bawling Quartz.

"Steven killed my art career before I could even get it off the ground!" Amethyst cried while Bluebird picked up her drawings.

"I don't know what art is," Bluebird said as she examined Amethyst's art. "but these are really good! They do need a little work, but I can help."

"Awww, thanks Bluebird!" Amethyst immediately cheered up. "In fact, I'm gonna do some more art right now! Wanna come?"

"Lead the way Amethyst!" Bluebird agreed, and the two left the house while Steven dropped his bag of Chaaaaps to the floor and angrily crushed it flat.

--

"Come on you flying rat; you can't be far." Steven growled as he searched Beach City for Bluebird, looking for something that would expose her components for being more than they seem, when he came across his father's car wash. "Oh, hey Dad!"

"AAAAAH!" Greg screamed from his Mister Universe van, catching Steven off-guard as he raced to the van.

"Dad, are you okay?!" Steven cried, finding the source of Greg's screaming to be him and Bluebird watching movies together.

"Hey Steven." Greg calmly greeted him. "I was just showing Bluebird my old-timey sci-fi horror flick collection."

"It's hilarious how poorly made they are!" Bluebird cackled at the flick she was currently watching. "Some of these 'special effects,' as he calls them, are so old-fashioned!"

"So what's going on, son?" Greg asked Steven, who forced a fake smile on his face. "And what's with your face? You're kind of creeping me out."

"I'm fine, Dad." Steven assured him as he walked away with creepy fake smile and all. "Everything's fine."

--

"And to make matters worse, they think those two have changed even after all the horrible things they did to us!" Steven later vented his feelings on Bluebird to Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth at Little Homeworld. "Please, you guys, I need someone to be on my side for once!"

"Oh, we're on your side Steven." Lapis assured her half-human pal, much to his relief. "After what Navy pulled, I don't really trust those Rubies all that much, especially her and Eyeball! Those other three working for the mayor, they're just meh."

"I don't trust Aquamarine either." Peridot added. "That blue runt's high and mighty attitude just keeps rubbing me incorrectly!"

"Don't you also hate Aquamarine because it's basically because of her we separated for a bit?" Lapis asked Peridot, who was just silent as she nervously looked away. "It's okay, you can open up to me."

"No way, she's not that petty!" Peridot said as she tried to hide her distress. Despite what the little Gem was saying, her body language told a whole different story.

"I just find Bluebird really creepy." Bismuth stated. "There's just something about that voice combined with her facial expressions that really give me chills."

Just then, a very loud clanging came straight from Bismuth's forge, and Cherry Quartz rushed out to see the four. "Bismuth, it's your forge! Someone's made a huge mess of the place!"

"Oh no!" Bismuth cried as she rushed to her forge to discover that the whole floor was now covered in all the weapons she helped build. "How could this have happened?! I was so careful to organize everything today!"

"Maybe Bluebird didn't like that you called her creepy." Peridot guessed.

"Well, I know something I hope they really won't like." Bismuth growled with determination. "Of course those little runts realize, this means war!"

--

Later that day, Bluebird had returned to Little Homeworld and was currently being given a tour of the town by Lapis, yet the fusion was unaware she was being led into a trap.

"Y'know, I'm feeling pretty parched." Lapis remarked sneakily. "You want a drink too?"

"Golly, I thought Gems didn't need sustenance." Bluebird wondered aloud.

"They don't really need to, but some Gems on Earth just like to eat." Lapis answered as they walked up to a conspicuous cooler filled with soft drinks. "Now then, which would you like? We got soda, OJ, purple stuff, two kinds of this other type of orange juice."

"I'll have the purple stuff!" Bluebird cheerily answered. Lapis took a purple soda can from the cooler and gave it a good shake, giggling all the way, before handing it to Bluebird and then turning away from her while plugging her ears.

After a few seconds, nothing happened, and Bluebird didn't drink the purple stuff. "Where's the kaboom?" Lapis wondered as she turned back to Bluebird. "There was supposed to be a big carbonated kaboom!"

"Oh, there seems to be something wrong." Bluebird observed the can slyly before handing it back to the terraformer. "Do you think you can help?"

But as Lapis realized, Bluebird didn't even open the can at all. "What the?!" she stuttered while taking the can from the small fusion. "You didn't even open-" When Lapis opened the can of purple stuff herself; she got a face full of the drink squirting directly in her face instead. As Bluebird laughed heartily, Lapis angrily crushed the can and glared back as Bluebird flew away.

"I already tried that trick Lazuli!" Bluebird cackled. "Try something original next time!"

Lapis's eye began to twitch as she dropped the can to the ground, fighting the urge to just launch Bluebird into space with a water fist.

--

"This is something humans like to do with their disposal units." Peridot explained to Bluebird as they stood by a metal trashcan atop the hill where the lighthouse sat. "You just insert yourself into the unit and just roll it down this hill. Now then, would you like to go first?"

"No, maybe you should go first." Bluebird suggested while offering Peridot a pair of rather unusual looking gloves from one of her gemstones. "And take these too. Safety first!"

"Where did you get these gloves?" Peridot asked as she put the gloves on. "They seem like old Homeworld equipment."

"Just found them lying around one day, nothing too important." Bluebird fibbed just as Peridot entered the trashcan. "Okay, are you ready chum?"

"Let 'er rip!" Peridot yelled from within the can before Bluebird kicked it, and it rolled down the hill with Peridot inside it. "ISN'T THIS FUN BLUEBIRD?!"

"Oh yes, plenty of fun." Bluebird snickered and walked away backwards from where the trashcan once stood.

"Wait, where are you going?" Peridot called as the can continued rolling. She tried to stop it with her ferrokinesis, but they didn't seem to work. "My stars, these old gloves are nullifying my powers!" she realized, and turned her attention to Bluebird in anger. "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS YOU CLO-"

However, Peridot couldn't finish when the can finally collided with a wall, and her head poked out in a daze. "You're despicable." She hissed hatefully while stars danced around her head.

--

"Well, guess it's all up to me now." Bismuth declared to herself with Lapis and Peridot's failures to prank Bluebird. She now stood alone at the Warp Pad at the center of Little Homeworld where the barn once stood, in front of a mixer filled with lava. "She ain't ever gonna know what hit her."

"Who isn't going to know what hit her?" Bluebird asked rhetorically before she poured the lava in the mixer on Bismuth, though Bismuth barely felt a thing.

"You know this literally does nothing to Bismuths, right?" Bismuth asked as Bluebird took her leave.

--

"What happened to you guys?" Steven asked the soaked Lapis, dizzy Peridot, and mildly irritated Bismuth as they reported back to him on their efforts in the prank war.

"Bluebird saw my prank coming since she already tried it herself." Lapis answered.

"My mental powers were nullified by these old Homeworld gloves." Peridot added as she presented the gloves. "I think I'll keep them for further study."

"I barely got to do anything before Bluebird turned my own prank against me!" Bismuth whined in defeat.

"Oh, come now, put a smile on your face." Bluebird said as she landed behind the four. Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth turned around to see the little fusion before them, and immediately dropped to their knees with hands out and heads bowed. "Now, what's all this for?"

"We now recognize you as a superior prankster." Lapis declared.

"And now we must grovel in your presence!" Peridot theatrically added.

"We shall concede from this prank war, in recognition of the superior tricker." Bismuth stated.

"Guys, you can't just give up this easily!" Steven yelled angrily before he noticed his body taking on a slight pink hue. "That's four times now." He said to himself. "This can't be healthy."

"Oh, well, thank you all for the compliments!" Bluebird thanked the other three Gems. "Hopefully we can get up to more mischief together someday!"

As Bluebird flew away, Steven stomped to the Warp Pad and used it to return home with barely a word.

"Steven wait, we're sorry!" Peridot cried as Steven vanished from Little Homeworld.

"He's right. We gave up a little too easily." Lapis agreed with her Beach Summer Fun Buddy. "Maybe we should go apologize to him in the morning. You wanna come with Bismuth?"

"Sorry, I got a whole day of cleaning up the forge ahead of me." Bismuth rejected the chance. "But be sure to tell me if things turn out okay."

--

The next morning, Steven woke up in his room, the events of yesterday still fresh in his mind. From Bluebird's arrival, to almost no one believing him when he claimed that she was up to no good, and finally the help of the B-team proving pretty much useless, it was a very hectic day for him.

When Steven went downstairs to the bathroom, he discovered Bluebird's gemstones drawn on his face in the mirror. "Oh, haha." He muttered. "Very funny Bluebird."

Just then, the Warp Pad activated, followed by the sound of tires screeching. As Steven rushed out of the bathroom, he found Greg's van somehow in his living room, a trail of tire tracks left behind in its wake. "How did the van?" Steven asked himself in sheer confusion. "Oh, gotcha. I guess Bluebird and Dad must be having a ball." Just then, he heard someone cry out. "I guess they're watching another of his horror movies. I'm sure everything's fine."

Greg's cries for help proved otherwise, and Steven bolted outside to search for his human father. "It's okay Steven. Bluebird is cool." Steven assured himself. "Dad?"

"Up here son!" Greg screamed as Bluebird dangled him by the ankle on the roof.

"Are those screams of fun?!" Steven called.

"No they ain't!" Greg exclaimed. "Please help me, you were right!"

"An era ago, there were two Gems worshipped on Homeworld for their attempts on the life of their greatest traitor!" Bluebird declared. "But when he brainwashed everyone into worshipping him, those two were cast out and now have come to Earth for revenge!"

As Bluebird leaped into the air, she began to unfuse. "And now he shall rue the day he ever crossed-" To cap off her speech, Bluebird's components finally revealed herself.

"Aquamarine!"

"And Ruby!"

Steven and Greg didn't have anything to say to the two old foes.

"Well, it's us!" Aquamarine cried impatiently.

"Yeah, it was us all along, and no one ever knew!" Eyeball added.

"I always knew. Everybody knew." Steven replied. "You were really poor at hiding it."

"Well if you knew, why was everyone so nice to us?!" Eyeball yelled.

"Because we're nice!" Steven argued. "Something you don't know about!"

"Nice people, my facet!" Eyeball shouted. "You left me to rot in space!"

"And it's because of you that I'm a disgrace to our kind!" Aquamarine agreed. "Ugh, enough of this!" she groaned angrily before grabbing Greg again, this time by the hair, while Eyeball pulled her chisel from her gem.

"Hey, careful with my dad!" Steven cautioned the pair of angry Gems as he summoned his shield. "If this is another one of your pranks, then I'm not laughing, so you better cut it out!"

"That was just something to soften you up." Eyeball declared menacingly. "Now, the real torture begins!"

"We learned so much about you and your life Steven," Aquamarine taunted. "especially how you love My-Dad so much! But if you want him alive, you'll have to agree to our demands. Like destroying your home!"

"Yeah!" Eyeball added.

"Bubbling your friends and handing them over to us!" Aquamarine continued.

"YEAH!" Eyeball began getting more sadistically pumped up.

"And burning that silly Little Homeworld to ashes!" the little blue Gem stated.

"DO IT!" Eyeball shouted.

While Aquamarine and Eyeball were threatening Greg's life, they were caught off-guard by a few water droplets from above, coming from Lapis's wings as she and Peridot flew to see Steven.

"Oh crack, those two." Eyeball growled at the barn-mates while Lapis touched down to where Steven was standing.

"Hey Steven, we wanted to stop by because we didn't get a chance to apologize for yester-" Lapis began explaining to Steven, but immediately got distracted by the current situation. "Um, did we miss something?"

"It's Aquamarine and Eyeball!" Steven panicked. "They're out for revenge and they want me to do horrible things or else Dad gets killed!"

"Of course you'd sink that low, you filthy outcasts!" Peridot snarled at the other short Gems. "First, you took Steven away Aquamarine, and that led to some of the worst days of my life! Now, I'm gonna make you pay dearly!"

"Oh, here are some friends you can poof boy." Aquamarine told Steven. "Go on, listen to us for once."

"Never!" Steven rejected.

"Then My-Dad gets it!" Aquamarine threatened, but Eyeball was a little confused.

"Gets what?" the Ruby asked quizzically.

"Gets it!" Aquamarine scolded her partner. "It's like in those movies he showed us."

"Oh right!" Eyeball realized with a malicious laugh, and prepared to kill their human captive. However, Greg wasn't going to take this lying down.

"That's enough!" Greg yelled as he snatched Eyeball's chisel from her hand and used it to free himself by cutting his hair short, causing him to fall from Aquamarine's grasp.

"No!" Steven yelled.

"I got you!" Lapis exclaimed, summoning forth a water hand to catch Mr. Universe with. "Are you alright?"

"Just bereft of my glorious locks." Greg said mournfully when Aquamarine dropped the remainder of his hair next to him. "Oh my baby!" he cried before rushing to comfort the clump of hair.

"How could you let this happen, you meager soldier?!" Aquamarine yelled at Eyeball.

"You were distracting me!" Eyeball argued.

"I was directing you, My-Dad just caught us by surprise!" Aquamarine talked back.

As Steven, Peridot and Lapis watched the two enemy Gems bicker, Steven turned to his mourning dad. "Father, get inside."

"I'm sorry, Steven." Greg said boldly. "But after how they dangled me off the roof and made me lose my hair, I want in!" Just then, he got an idea. "In fact."

After whispering something into his son's ear, Greg fist bumped Steven, and it caused the two to glow right before everyone else's eyes. And as a result, the father and son fusion Steg was reborn, this time with a mullet in addition to his massive pompadour.

"He can fuse with humans?!" Aquamarine shrieked in surprise. "We were never told this!"

"Oh my stars!" Lapis and Peridot gasped in unison.

"This one goes out to all awesome hair across the stars." Steg boomed while summoning a double-necked guitar that he began playing. "I call this one, 'We Ain't Gonna Let You Get Away With This!'"

"Three against two?" Eyeball said nervously. "Y'know, I think maybe it's time we-" She was cut off by Steg braining her with his guitar while he turned pink.

"If you're saying we should run or surrender, you are sorely mistaken!" Aquamarine yelled while dodging attacks from Lapis. "They fused just now, somehow, so we must fuse in order to win!"

"Fine, whatever." Eyeball groaned as she noticed Peridot scampering into the house and racing back out with a kitchen knife to match the Ruby's chisel.

Eyeball raced away from the green Gem in fright and grabbed onto the fleeing Aquamarine's hand in an attempt to fuse, but it was cut short by the combined forces of their disharmony and Steg throwing Steven's shield between them that sent them flying face-first into the sand.

"What was that?" Eyeball asked.

"That was bad form you corun-dummy!" Aquamarine insulted. "Try again!"

The two of them attempted to fuse again, and again, and again, but every time resulted in failure. "That's it!" Eyeball yelled. "I've had it with you!"

"Tsk tsk tsk." Steg tutted smugly as he returned to his normal self and approached the arguing duo. "You guys only fused to get revenge on me, didn't you?"

"Yes, that's exactly it!" Aquamarine replied. "The only problem is she's too much of a moron to keep us together!"

"Me the moron?!" Eyeball shouted. "You're way too much of a bossy-boots!"

"If that's the reason, then I can see why you can't keep it together." Lapis stated from experience.

"What are you three talking about?!" Aquamarine asked scornfully.

"There are so many other reasons to fuse." Steg explained. "Like friendship, responsibility, maybe even love."

"Imagine how much better your lives would be if you fused to support each other instead of wanting to ruin someone's life." Peridot agreed with the massive fusion.

"She's right." Steg continued. "Your life would be filled with so much love and joy and friendship and warmth and-"

"Yes yes, blah blah blah!" Aquamarine rudely cut Steg off. "Ugh, love is so annoying!"

"I hate it as much as I hate Steven!" Eyeball agreed, but then the two realized something they had in common.

"Yeah, me too!" Aquamarine and Eyeball declared to each other as they fused back into Bluebird, much to Steg's irritation.

"This is bad comedy." Steg facepalmed as Bluebird triumphantly returned.

"Ah-ha, back in business!" Bluebird announced before summoning a cutlass made out of ice to attack Steg with, but he blocked the sword with his shield.

"En garde!" Bluebird cackled with a swing of her sword, spawning ice projectiles that turned into smaller cutlasses landing on the ground.

"Steven, why is the van inside the house?" Pearl asked while she, Garnet, and Amethyst emerged from the beach house as the fusion fight went on.

"Whatever Greg did, can you tell him to stop?" Amethyst asked before she let out a loud scream at what they were seeing. "Hey, is that Steg?!"

"We can explain everything, honest!" Peridot tried to apologize for everything that's happened.

"No need." Garnet boomed stoically while glaring daggers at Bluebird, continuing to swipe at Steg's shield.

"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" Bluebird shrieked violently when she noticed a certain group of three angry Gems. "Oh, if it isn't my favorite trio!" she exclaimed while innocently hiding her cutlass behind her back.

The Crystal Gems responded by fusing together into a very grouchy Alexandrite who towered over Bluebird Azurite and raised one hand forward.

"Oh no." the rogue fusion whimpered before she was squashed flat by Alexandrite. As Alexandrite un-fused back into Garnet, Amethyst & Pearl, Steven & Greg un-fused and gazed at the groaning Aquamarine & Ruby.

"Are you two okay?" Steven asked while Greg raced to collect his cut hair.

"Oh no, we have been defeated!" Aquamarine theatrically declared. "Now we'll be forcibly indoctrinated into your lifestyle like every Gem before us!"

"Yep." Eyeball replied as she rubbed her head.

"I've completely learned my lesson." Aquamarine stated. "I'm sorry Steven. Please accept my apology so that we may become defenseless pacifists just like you." When she extended a hand to Steven, Steven brought his out too, expecting to give her a handshake, but she childishly snatched her gloved hand away. "GOTCHA!"

"Don't you run away you runts!" Peridot yelled while Aquamarine took Eyeball's hand and they flew away.

"You rebels may have gotten us this time, but we'll be out there!" Aquamarine declared haughtily.

"Hating you!" her Ruby partner added.

"Forever!" Aquamarine concluded as they flew far away from the Gems, presumably never to be seen for a long time.

"You smell!" Eyeball jeered as loud as she could.

"Think we'll really see them again?" Lapis wondered.

"Who knows Lapis?" Garnet replied. "But if they pull off what they did just now, we'll be there."

"I guess there are Gems out there who still hate your guts." Amethyst contemplated.

"Well, I'm not the only one they wanted to hurt." Steven replied while looking at Greg, sitting by the ocean with his hair in his arms. "I'm really sorry, Dad." Steven apologized to his father while sitting by him. "I never should've given Bluebird a chance."

"I love how you believe in everyone." Greg sighed to his son while drying his tears. "You stuck to your principles, and that made me proud. But sometimes, some people don't want to change."

"Yeah." Steven sighed as well, before Greg let his hair drift in the water.

"See you around, old friend." Greg bid farewell to his locks. "You're finally free."

--

Later that day, Aquamarine and Eyeball continued giggling as they found somewhere safe to hide in the woods close to Beach City.

"You have to admit, it was hilarious how that My-Dad was so attached to his hair." Eyeball admitted to her blue cohort.

"I mean, it's just hair!" Aquamarine agreed. "But enough about mocking others' misfortune, give me the communicator."

"You got it." Eyeball obeyed and began searching around her person for what her new friend requested. "Uh, where is it again?"

"In your gem you dolt!" Aquamarine yelled.

"Oh, right." Eyeball realized, pulling a black, octahedral object from her gemstone and handing it to Aquamarine. After Aquamarine gave it a few turns, the object slowly rose above the two and transformed into a screen displaying a coded message.

"Your clarity, we have garnered some minor success on our espionage mission." Aquamarine announced to the screen while positing her arms in a rectangular salute. "Though our cover was blown, we now know that he can somehow perform fusion with humans. Tell us, do you have any further orders?"

The screen replied by giving a coded message to Aquamarine that Eyeball couldn't understand. "Uh, what's it saying?" Eyeball asked.

"It's saying we must return to headquarters and await further instructions." Aquamarine translated the message. "A craft is being sent to our current location to bring us back."

As Aquamarine declared, a small, orb-like white space pod with a single red window at the entrance instantly warped to Earth via lightspeed and opened its door for the two Gems to board.

"Haha, just you wait Steven!" Eyeball shouted to the sky. "Your precious little family will soon be done for!"

The two little Gems cackled evilly as they entered the pod, and it blasted off back into space. But they didn't realize that a certain orange Gem was watching close by, and had a disgruntled look on her face all the while.

--

And so ends Bluebird. Fun fact, Steg was completely last minute as I thought it would be cool if he fought Aquamarine and Eyeball. Speaking of which, if you couldn't tell by now, Aquamarine & Eyeball will have a much bigger role than in Regular Future going forward as they now answer directly to our mystery villain from Cracks and Buds. So first we had Holly Blue Agate, and now these two? What could this ne'er-do-well have planned with these old villains? We'll just have to wait and see. Speaking of which, I should really get back to a certain other Steven Universe fanfiction.

#steven universe #steven universe future #fanfiction #steven universe alternate future #steven quartz universe #garnet #amethyst #pearl #bluebird azurite #eyeball ruby #aquamarine #lapis lazuli #peridot #bismuth #greg universe #steg

[taikanyohou]

shgjafh you can totally ignore me if this is annoying but!! im so interested to know abt your cooking!!! did you only start recently? how did you start/ how are you learning? what else have you made so far? i shld rly learn how to make food for myself at least but im... kinda scared of fire & heat rip so i gotta find a way to deal with that

hiii anon!!! i've always been into cooking tbh (its a ... long story bc i've had an eating disorder since i was like 11, so i wanted to put myself in a frame of mind where i didnt wanna hate food, but rather be able to make food thats healthy and wholesome and nutritious for myself and those who eat my cooking in a comfortable way, so i always cook my meals and my family eventually began taking interest and wanting to try my meals too. like ... for example, i make desi chai in a v v v specific way that no one else in my house does, so everyone at home Always asks me to make chai bc they like the way i make it! or the way i cook different kinds of beans/chickpeas, soups/salads, rice/pastas and meat/fish etc).

but i've always been more into dessert type cooking/baking! but i have, for the past few years, been learning how to cook proper desi/south asian food too! i sorta just, eyeball it sometimes, so as long as i know the base/foundation of the dish. i started off with basic simple curries, and then moved onto the more complicated dishes. i'd say that i started to cook Seriously since 16, ig!

and tbh, my dream was to become a chef. but yeah fhdjdj that never happened. so the next best thing i did was get a degree in nutritional sciences, and that made me fall in love with cooking and experimenting with food even more.

but yeah, for example, on eid, i usually always make some desserts, and i box them up and tell my dad to send them out to my uncles and aunts and our close family friends and neighbours. and then one of our family friend found them so nice so she placed an order for me to basically set up a whole dessert table for her son's wedding, so that was ... an Experience. but the pay off was so nice bc everyone at the wedding Loved the desserts i made!

but yeah, here are some pics of the kinda desserts i've made (looooads of brownies, cakes, pancakes, jelly shots, chocolate slabs, truffles and other things like tiramisu, chocolate mousse, cheesecake, oat cookies and so so so many different types of fruit jams that i started making from my uni days onwards that i dont have pics of on my phone rn!)

#faiza answers #tw ed #food porn

[everybodyscupoftea]

dumbass quotes

hi! this is a list of dumb shit issawhat (huge inspo for frat jj) has said on twitch stream, not taking credit at all, one of the viewers created a google doc and i picked 100 of my faves and thought it could be fun to use these as prompts for a blurb thing

so, choose what jj you want (pike, sigma chi, college) and send me some numbers

(i have stuff i need to do today so i’ll start working on these later this afternoon and tonight)

1. I’m emotionally unavailable

2. My body/bloodstream is a pharmacy

3. I hate it here

4. My dick only touched my hands today

5. My dick is very clean

6. Please don’t talk to me

7. Teenagers are fucking pussies bro

8. I can barely read so I like looking at pictures

9. We’re having the opposite of a good time right now

10. I’m not even playing with my team right now, I’m gonna be independent and just run and shoot people in the forehead

11. You piece of dog shit. You utter piece of dog shit

12. IUD. Is that the implant

13. Fuck them kids. No don’t actually fuck kids

14. Are we talking about planets? I love outer space

15. Mars just probably tastes like cheese pizza

16. No offense. Actually, offense

17. You don’t wanna live in my mind it’s loud up there

18. Can we not talk about demons? That kinda stresses me out

19. There’s a video of a guy with a ton of tattoos who looks like he’ll fuck your step mom

20. I swear at one point I had bigger boobs than my ex

21. I just wanna be a shredded skinny boy

22. It’s not like I want to die, I’m just okay with dying

23. I don’t even touch my dick when I pee most of the time

24. Time to fuck some dumb ass bitches up

25. The amount I just got railed was way too much

26. I’m pretty sure nut has more calories than celery

27. I don’t pull out

28. I can’t hear you I’m dropping

29. I’m a fucking laser

30. My dick is 8 inches if I fold it in half

31. Actually my dick has never been on camera. I wear swim shorts in the shower

32. Where the pussy boys at

33. Imagine being married. Imagine having emotions

34. Sometimes I read then sometimes I think what if I didn’t have eyeballs

35. I’m gonna kick you in the fucking forehead

36. My lips are chapped as dick

37. It’s pretty early for arson talk boys but if you want to we can

38. You guys say a lot of sexual things and it stresses me out

39. It’s such a power play ghosting your parents

40. Blinking is for sore losers

41. Refreash

42. I’m gonna see how much of this beer I can delete

43. Don’t shoot me in the back that would not be cash money

44. Sand hanitizer

45. Condoms don’t even work

46. *talking about a funeral* open bar?

47. Adulting is for fucking losers

48. Alcohol? You mean spicy water

49. I hate how they make kids so stupid in movies. They’re dumb but not that dumb

50. It smells like soup in my house bro

51. And it went like

52. I’m not that versatile in my pegging lingo

53. What’s MI? Is that Michigan

54. I’m actually 4 food 5 and legally a short person. And I lost my juul. Oh no I just put it on the charger like an idiot

55. Pew pew pew right in your forehead

56. Guess who’s a dead bitch? You are hahahaha

57. Not in the mood to be trifled

58. Get bodied

59. I know how to talk to women. I’ve been doing it my whole life

60. Did I wash my hands? Sure…

61. You wanna see me in a skirt? No you don’t because I’ll look better than you do and you’ll get mad

62. Mom’s not home, we can’t kill the patriarchy

63. Go kick rocks

64. I’m not a wall puncher anymore

65. I don’t know I just work here

66. Fluffy duffy croissant boy

67. My brain sounds like a rock tumbler

68. Commit sudoku

69. Hit her with an actually

70. A lot of natural light but I wish we could get a bud light

71. I can’t hear you I’m yawning

72. I’m not an object I just want to be treated like one

73. I feel like when I eat I do better in life

74. I am pro elder abuse I agree

75. Nickle sized nipples that sounds like a bar

76. The cologne is in the air and I can taste it on my lips

77. The smell of this cologne reminds me of sex because whenever I use it I have sex

78. God damnit charge faster juul

79. Are you an innie or an outie

80. You can have my belly button pics for free baby girl

81. Does anyone want to meet god because I can help you out looking at you

82. Only if it’s pictures with sound

83. My second life I was a banana slug, learned a lot

84. I’m a virgin, I can’t hear you

85. I’m getting the nicest virgin (meaning version)

86. That’s what people say about my penis. Definitely doable but hard

87. A cat appointment? We call that a normal Tuesday

88. That fucking visor doesn’t slap

89. I should buy you a pair of catch these hands

90. I was watching ant videos last night they’re fucking crazy

91. LOOK UP TOP FIVE ANT MOMENTS

92. Who the fuck is spam risk and why are they calling me

93. What is a jetpack? Is that when you’re the big spoon but you’re small so you look like a jetpack

94. I’m gonna call you backpack though like dora because you don’t shut the fuck up

95. If you threw some long division at me I’d say go fish

96. I can’t even hear myself think. Not that I want to think

97. I don’t think I’ve ever had a fuck honestly. Does someone want to give me my first fuck

98. I don’t need to learn how to do anything, I’m 21. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks

99. That could lead into premarital breathing the same air

100. I didn’t even wear a hat yesterday so I don’t want to play thanks

#frat!jj #college jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #sigma chi!jj #pike!jj #jj maybank blurb

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Hammer of the Gods: Part Two

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,172

Warnings: typical supernatural violence, language, angst, blood, you know the usual

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated. I really want to hear what you guys think about this one!

Feedback is the glue that holds my writing together.

Tags at the bottom

“An elephant?” you ask, not believing Dean’s story at all.

Apparently, he walks by a room with the door open, saw a full-grown elephant with a towel, only to double check and see a big black man in its spot. There is nothing else left to check, so you three head back to the lobby.

“Yeah,” Dean sighs.

“Like, an elephant?”

“Like, full-on Babar.”

“So, what the hell is... where is everybody?” Sam trails off once he gets a look at the lobby.

Every single person is gone, and so is Chad. The lobby is deserted. You and Dean stay put while Sam goes to check the front doors. Just like you suspected, they are locked.

“Let me guess—it's locked. So, what, the roaches check in and they don't check out?” Dean asks.

“Think about how we got here. That detour on I-90? The fucking hurricane?” Sam exclaims.

“Are you saying we were led here?” you wonder.

“Like rats in a maze.”

“Who would want us?” you ask, and both brothers give you a bitch look since you’re asking an obvious question. “Who would want us and a hotel full of people? Usually, they come after us wherever we are. We don’t get led to places. Plus, where did everyone else go?”

“We should stick together this time,” Sam says.

You take the lead on this one and walk into the dining hall. There is no one in the room, so you continue on your way into the kitchen which is also empty. You take one step at a time, slowly making your way through the kitchen. There is nothing out of the ordinary except for a pot on the stove that’s bubbling. This should not be left alone, especially in a hotel. Dean walks closer to it with a scared look on his face.

“Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup,” he mutters and lift the ladle that’s resting inside the pot. As soon as it surfaces, two eyeballs do as well. He lets go of the ladle in disgust. “Motel hell.”

“I knew something wasn’t right,” you sigh and continue on your way.

There is something about the meat freezer that’s in front of you. There’s nothing wrong with it visually, but it’s like something is pulling you to it. When you get face to face with it, a hand slams against the tiny glass and a face appears.

“Help us! Get us out!” a man screams.

This must be where the hotel guests have gone. Sam reaches in his jacket to take out his lock picking tool kit, but you wave him off.

“I got this,” you say and your eyes turn blue.

Magic courses through your body from your eyes to your fingertips, showing off a stream of bright blue magic from underneath your skin. It’s like the magic is showing everyone how it works and where it’s going.

“Hurry up!” Dean yells.

“You know, I would go a lot faster if you didn’t,” you yell and turn around only to stop short when you see who is behind him, “rush me.”

“There's somebody behind me, isn't there?” he asks without turning around.

All you can do is nod slowly just as the color in your eyes and hands die out.

The three men who were behind Dean grabbed you, Sam, and Dean with force and brought you to the grand ballroom. They are a lot stronger than you, so you can’t use your magic to get yourself out of this one. The doors open and they shove you in to reveal a handful of people that look like they want to eat you.

Your eyes flit around the room and at the name badges these people wore. The big black man that Dean saw, his name is Ganesh. Ganesh is the elephant-head Hindu God of new beginnings. There is another man who is a lot older with a white beard—Odin. Odin is a war God in Norse mythology. A black woman with gorgeous black hair is named Kali. Kali is the Hindu Goddess of death, time, and doomsday. Another black man is named Baron Samedi. Baron Samedi is a Haitian God of the dead. There are others, but you assume they are also Gods of other things.

“Something tells me this isn't a Shriner convention,” Dean comments.

Chad, who is now named Mercury, pushes a food table into the room to serve dinner. Mercury is the Roman God of messengers. You knew there was something off about him.

“Dinner is served,” he announces and takes off the silver top that’s covering the course.

Like you suspected, there is a human head and his innards lying on the table for the Gods to eat. A round of applause erupts once they see the dinner plate. A spotlight suddenly appears and shines on the three of you. You shield your eyes from the brightness, and one of the main hosts steps forward with a smile. His name is Baldur, another Norse God that you can’t remember what he does.

“Ladies and Gentleman, our guests of honor have arrived,” he smiles. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming. Although in all my centuries, I never thought I'd see this. This many gods under one roof.”

“Gods?” Dean whispers to you and Sam.

The men who brought you here shoves you three to chairs and makes you sit with you in the middle of the brothers. Every single God took their place at the dinner table so that everyone is sitting except for Baldur.

“Yeah, don’t you know your mythology?” you whisper back.

“Now, before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules. No slaughtering each other. Curb your wrath. Oh, and uh, keep your hands off the local virgins. We're trying to keep a low profile here,” Baldur continues.

“Oh, we are so, so screwed,” Sam whispers.

“Now we all know why we're here. The Judeo-Christian apocalypse looms over us. I know we've all had our little disagreements in the past. The time has come to put those aside and look toward the future. Because if we don't, we won't have one. Now we do have three very valuable bargaining chips. Michael, Amara and Lucifer's vessels. The question is, what do we do now? Anybody have any bright ideas? Speak up. This is a safe room.”

Zao Shen, the kitchen God of Chinese folk and mythology, stands and speaks in Chinese. His tone is angry, and Dean turns to you and Sam with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh I do not like his tone,” he scoffs.

“Kill 'em? Why? So the angels can bring them back again?” Ganesh responds to the Chinese God.

“I don't know what everybody's getting so worked up about,” Odin speaks his mind. “'Cause it's just a couple of angels having a slap fight! There's no Armageddon. Everybody knows, when the world comes to an end, the Great Serpent Jormungandr rises up, and I myself will be eaten by a big wolf!”

Zao Shen speaks again in his native tongue, and Odin rolls his eyes in annoyance.

“Oh yeah? And why is that?” he asks as if he can understand the language. “Because your beliefs are so much more realistic? The whole world's getting carried around on the back of a giant turtle? Ha! Give me a break!”

Zao Shen hisses back in his native tongue with his finger pointed at Odin. The Norse God gets up as if he’s going to jump across the table and bitch slap him. Yours, Sam, and Dean’s eyebrows go up in surprise.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

Zao Shen responds back in Chinese. You have no clue what they are talking about, but this might be your clue to get out of here while they are fighting. They keep up with their verbal argument, and you look at Sam and Dean. They know what you’re thinking, and you three stand up to leave the room. As soon as your back is turned to the Gods, the chandelier by the door unhooks and drops to the ground in front of you.

“Stay,” Kali interrupts as she stands. You turn around to look at her with a glare. “We have to fight. The archangels—the only thing they understand is violence. This ends in blood. There is no other way, it's them, or us.”

“With all due respect, ma'am,” Mercury speaks up, “we haven't even tried talking to them.”

There is a brief pause as Kali stares at Mercury with slit eyes. He begins to choke up blood, and he claws at his tie as if that’s going to help him breathe.

“Kali!” Baldur stops whatever hold she has on the Roman God.

“Who asked you?” she points her question to Mercury.

Just then, the double doors to the grand ballroom opens and Gabriel comes wandering in like he owns the place.

“Can't we all just get along?”

“Gabriel?” you ask, but he cuts you off with a swipe of his fingers.

Whatever he did to you, he did to the Winchesters because you can’t speak at all.

“Sam! Dean, Y/N... It's always wrong place, worst time with you muttonheads, huh?”

“Loki,” Baldur sneers.

Wait, Loki? Do they not know who he is?

“Baldur. Good seeing you too. I guess my invitation got lost in the mail,” he chuckles.

“Why are you here?”

“To talk about the elephant in the room,” Ganesh begins to stand up, indignant, but Gabriel points a finger at him to stop him. “Not you. The Apocalypse. We can't stop it, gang. But first things first,” he turns to you three with a sarcastic smile. “The adults need to have a little conversation. Check you later.”

Gabriel snaps his fingers, and suddenly, you’re in your hotel room. Your eyes widen and you start stuttering to figure out what the hell just happened.

“Okay, did that—holy shit!”

“Yeah, tell me about it. By the way, next time I say let's keep driving, uh, let's keep driving.”

“Yeah, okay, next time,” Dean mocks.

“Okay, I guess we need to figure a way out of here. First things first, we need to save the people in the freezer. Then, if we’re lucky, we kill some Gods.”

“When are you ever lucky?” Gabriel says from across the room.

He is sitting on the black leather couch with his right leg crossed over his left.

“Bite me, Gabriel,” you glare.

“Maybe later,” he winks at you.

“I should've known. I mean this had your stink all over it from the jump,” Dean interrupts with a scoff.

“You think I'm behind this? Please. I'm the Costner to your Houston. I'm here to save your asses.”

“You wanna pull us outta the fire?”

“Bingo! Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait. Either way, you're uber boned.”

“Wow, 'cause a couple of months ago you were telling us that we need to “play our roles”. You're uber boning us!” Dean yells.

“Oh, the end is still nigh. Michael and Lucifer are gonna dance the lambada, but not tonight. Not here.”

“Why do you care?” you ask.

“I don't care. But, me and Kali we, uh, had a thing. Chick was all hands. What can I say? I'm sentimental,” he chuckles and gets up to stand in front of you three.

“Do they have a chance against Satan?” Sam suddenly asks.

“Really, Sam?” Dean scoffs.

“You got a better idea, Dean?”

“It's a bad idea. Lucifer's gonna turn them into finger paint. So, let's get going while the going's good, hmm?”

“Okay, then zap us out of here,” you shrug.

“Would if I could, but Kali's got you by the short and curlies. It's a blood spell. You three are on a leash.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means it's time for a bit of the old black magic,” he chuckles and takes out breath spray.

He applies two spritzes in his mouth with a smile.

“Whatever. You do that, and we're gonna take the people in the freezer with us.”

“Forget it. It's gonna be hard enough sneaking you mooks outta here,” he rolls his eyes.

“They called you Loki, right? They don’t know who you really are?” you say and step forward to make sure he knows you’re not to be messed with.

“Told you. I'm in witness protection.”

“Okay, then how about you do what we say, or we’ll tell those Gods about your secret identity. They don’t seem like the pro-angel type of crowd,” you chuckle.

“I’ll take your voices away.”

“We’ll write it down,” you say as you take one step closer.

“I'll cut off your hands.”

“Do you really think that’ll stop me?” you ask as your eyes glow blue.

“Fine,” he huffs and backs off.

The color leaves your eyes, and you smile sweetly as he vanishes from the room. You turn to the brothers with a victory smile.

“That’s how you get things done around here.”

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#supernatural fanfiction #supernatural series rewrite #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fiction #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fan fic #dean x reader #dean fic #dean fiction #dean fan fiction #dean fanfiction #dean fanfic #dean fan fic #season 5 episode 19 #s5e19 #spn #supernatural

[brutal-nemesis]

Misery: my greatest joy

Idk how to structure a rant so here we go babey!!! This is just me spilling my thoughts about the book Misery by Stephen King. It’s my favorite horror book (as of now) and I feel like others in the community would like it too. Also this rant will def contain minor spoilers (and probably major ones idk what a major one consists of tho) so if you want to go in 100% blind this is me telling you it’s a great read and go do it. 

CONTENT WARNINGS (for the book): broken bones, starvation, drug addiction, needles, gore, mutilation/amputation, cauterization, a little eyeball stuff, threats of forced self-cannibalism (I don’t have the book on me so I might have missed something minor)

I’m just gonna start by saying I’ve read a decent amount of horror books, and this one feels the most like a whump fic. The basic premise is this famous writer man (Paul) gets in a car crash in rural Colorado and is rescued by a retired nurse (Annie) who’s a huge fan of his work. His most famous series about the character Misery has just ended with him killing her cuz he wanted to write other things. Our girl Annie loves the Misery series and is still in the middle of reading the last book when she rescues Paul. It’s set in like the ‘70s or something so no cell phones or anything. So when homeboy wakes up in Annie’s house, no one knows where he is.

Paul’s legs got super messed up in the accident, like his tibia & fibula just got SHATTERED and, shockingly, that hurts a lot. Paul straight up goes on for pages about how bad his legs hurt and he’s basically helpless due to this, bedridden until she gets him a wheelchair. Annie has a bunch of painkillers that she stole from hospitals she worked at, and she gives them to Paul. If he does what she wants :)

See once Annie finishes the last Misery book she gets hella pissed at Paul. Sis is very much not alright in the head, and it’s what makes her such a great whumper since she’s so clearly unhinged and hard to predict. She keeps Paul captive in her home and forces him to write another Misery book, bringing the character back to life. Paul tries to resist, but she does things like withhold pain meds or refuse to feed him, sometimes leaving him stuck in bed for days. She’s a fantastic example of a caretaker/whumper combo and it’s great because every time she punishes Paul for something, she always twists it to be his fault. She’ll do something like throw his soup at the wall and then tell him he can’t eat that night because he made her upset enough to do that. She just has this air of thinking she’s genuinely doing her best to help him and things wouldn’t hurt so much if he just did what she wanted :) I just love that kind of manipulation for some reason.

Paul isn’t super defiant, but he typically doesn’t just roll over to her right away. And even when he’s genuinely trying his best to please her, it might not be good enough and he still gets punished. He genuinely tries to escape or at least seek some kind of help, leaving the room she locks him in to at least get pain meds/food during the periods when she leaves the house to go to her “Laughing Place” for a few days (I said she was mentally ill and I meant it) or just into town.

Anyway now I wanna talk about my favorite scene and FYI it does involve amputation, cauterization, & needles/noncon drugging. Okay so she finds out that Paul’s been “out and about” while she’s been away and she gets pissed. He wakes up to her injecting him with something that makes him all sluggish. They start talking about how she knows he’s been outside the room and at some point she casually says she just gave him a “pre-op shot”. Paul just spirals at this, and basically every few lines as the keep talking the phrase “pre-op shot” keeps popping up in his thoughts and he’s like Annie please what the hell do you mean pre-op shot what are you going to do to me and she just ignores him and keeps explaining how she knows he’s been outside. She then tells him about how in some diamond mines, when workers run away and are caught, they’re hobbled so they can’t run but can still work. Paul starts feeling sooooo much dread and then she pulls out an axe and he just starts pleading with her as she calmly disinfects it and his ankle. There’s just something about the whumpee freaking the fuck out about what’s going to happen to them while the whumper is calmly preparing for whatever they’re about to do that just hits me in the exact right spot. As Annie raises the axe, she responds to Paul’s pleas with my favorite line in the entire book, “Don’t worry, I’m a trained nurse.” And then the axe falls.

I just love that line cuz it shows how she feels that he doesn’t have anything to worry about because she knows what she’s doing. He shouldn’t be concerned about losing his foot because she’ll make sure it will heal right, and this is necessary to ensure he’ll finish his work. She’s the picture of calm and detached as she cauterizes the wound with a blowtorch and he’s just horrified and sobbing. I just love how much she doesn’t realize what she’s doing is wrong and horrible even as her captive screams in pain. 

She later cuts off his thumb and (cannibalism incoming) threatens to make him eat his own severed finger which is sooo fucked up, and deeply fucked up things always manage to press my buttons. There are a lot of other horrible things she does but I don’t want to give everything away and the two amputations are high up on the severity scale. I wanted to talk about them cuz I love them and so people get a bit of a content warning. Horror books don’t really come with those which can be an oof for some people but thankfully for me the only thing that triggers/squicks me out is noncon kissing which doesn’t come up too much. 

The ending doesn’t have a whole lot of comfort but I’ll at least tell you that he does get away cuz a happy ending is never guaranteed in the horror genre, and I know that’s important to some people. There is so much more to the book that I didn’t talk about cuz I don’t want this to get too long but I could just go on...

Uhm in conclusion if you like whumpy caretaking, a whumper who is detached at times and intimate at others, long-term captivity, and enjoy gore (or at least can tolerate it) then this is the book for you thanks for coming to my TED talk (●'◡'●)

#stephen king misery #nemi's vibes #damn it felt good to just talk about this book #if you made to the end i love you and you get a cookie! #cw gore #cw cauterization #cw amputation #i love the horror genre but i know it's not for everyone #ranting is fun i just vomit things i normally say to myself in the shower #does anyone else talk to themselves in the shower #it's fun you should try it #i wanted to go to bed early last night but i stayed up till 12:30 finishing this #and then i worked on it MORE this morning #and who knows if it's even readable #okay that's it for now bye tag readers ily

[lothirielswanmarvel]

Imagine: the Avengers Taking Care of You When You’re Sick

Tony Stark: Tony may not have marital instincts or a working liver, but he will constantly worry over you. Be prepared to be pampered with buckets of cough medicine, stakeouts on the couch with your favorite movie marathons, and J.A.R.V.I.S./F.R.I.D.A.Y. bugging you every five minutes to ask if you need something.

Tony: I love you, but I’m also wearing the suit while we cuddle. As a safety measure, of course. Not from you—supervillains know my address, remember. I’m not scared of germs, Y/N...have you seen the Lysol can around?

Steve Rogers: Steve isn’t exactly an expert on the world of modern medicine, but you will be confined to the couch, under custody of Mama Steve. He’ll try old-world remedies like making chicken soup and enforcing plenty of rest. 

Steve: Y/N, we’re out of clean dishes...maybe I could serve the soup in my shield...wait, where is my shield?

Clint Barton: Clint is a messy person by nature, so when flu season comes around, chances are, he’s stuck on the couch with you. But you will be his first priority—he’ll call in sick to S.H.I.E.L.D. just to take care of you. 

Clint: Y/N! Here’s a giant bowl of soup...come on, it’s not Cap’s shield. That must be the fever—you’re hallucinating. Like that time you saw me take the last slice of pizza.

Natasha Romanoff: The Bodyguard. No one is going within ten feet of you with Natasha nearby. You will rest undisturbed under Natasha’s watch. This woman has seen gore galore: no amount of snot, vomit, or other disgusting things left unnamed can scare this woman. She will stay by your side permanently until you are fully healed...also be prepared to be drugged unknowingly. 

Clint: Nat? Why is this soup crunchy? Are you hiding vitamins in my food again—?

Natasha: Shh. No one has to know. 

Thor: Thor has no fear of snot or possible sickness (come on: he’s lived with Loki for 1000 years. He’s seen worse). He will sit with you and keep you warm. He may not know the human practices of fighting illness, but he won’t leave your side and will ignore all boundaries of personal space. Thor may even try Asgardian remedies to nurse you back to health (do NOT put any of it in your mouth).

Thor: My mother was a witch, Y/N, and so was my brother: I will nurse you back to full health, myself. Here, I made this broth for you.

Bruce: Is...is that an eyeball in the soup?

Bruce Banner: He’ll make a pillow fort in the lab and sit with you. Bruce has no problem making quick runs to the drug store and whipping up some herbal tea for you. He will be understanding and completely selfless as your caregiver.

Bruce: Are you sleeping...? Does this mean I can watch Professor Proton? Oh, you’re awake. Sorry. 

James Rhodes: He’s been taking care of Tony for years: compared to him, you’re a leisurely walk in the park. Rhodey will spend the day in with you, watch some movies, take naps. 

Rhodey on the couch: What the hell... *pulls out a bag of Tony’s hidden blueberries* ...are these Barnes’ plums? Damn, he really is a raccoon.

Wanda Maximoff: She’ll be an expert at getting anything you need with her powers. Wanda is also the Compound’s Tea Guru, so she’ll keep you hydrated. Wanda won’t worry as much as the others, but she does still worry: she knows how strong you are. You’ll pull through. 

Wanda: *picking up used tissues with her magic and putting them in the trash* I love you, Y/N. I also love my manicure, and I’m not sacrificing it to the snot monsters. 

Vision: Vision is new to eating and sleeping and normal human things, but how he feels about you is probably the core to his humanity. Vis will be very by-the-book, attempting to make chicken soup (then caving and asking Wanda to do it), offering you different brands of cough medicine, and basically reiterating everything off Wikihow. Vis will also be your personal thermometer. 

Vision touches Y/N’s forehead: I advise staying in today, Y/N. Your fever is spiking up to 102.456 degrees Fahrenheit. 

Peter Parker & Shuri: :o 

Scott: Okay, that’s just weird...can you tell me how hot my coffee is right now?

Sam Wilson: He is Mama Steve 2.0: even Steve comes to Sam in distress. You couldn’t be in better hands: Sam knows how to build people up, and will be your personal life coach during this sickness. Sam will let you wear his jogging sweats if you get cold, and he’ll play pranks on Bucky for your entertainment.

Bucky: WHERE ARE MY PLUMS

Tony: WHERE ARE MY BLUEBERRIES I WAS STORING THEM FOR THE WINTER

Sam sitting with you and a bowl of fruit: You wanna smoothie, Y/N? 

Bucky Barnes: The worst chance at survival (but in a heartfelt, adorable way). If your health teeters, even if it’s something like a simple cold, this man will freak out. You are Bucky’s world, and you’re usually the one taking care of him: he will feel obligated to get you through this. Being gentle with someone is...not something he’s familiar with, but it will be evident that Bucky’s trying: even if he almost burns down the Compound just to make you soup. Plus, his metal arm feels great against feverish skin. 

T’Challa: The best chance at survival. T’Challa will steal you away to Wakanda to spoil you. Enjoy the luxury of the palace while trying out high-tech massagers (and the equally-relaxing purr of T’Challa’s voice ;) and snuggling with bullet-proof silky vibranium blankets. You get to hide away from your responsibilities, and T’Challa will make sure you have everything you need. You will always be on his mind until you recover. 

Peter Parker: Aunt May raised this boy right. Chicken soup? On the stove. Back massage? In progress. Peter is harnessing his own Mama Steve, and he won’t leave your side. But don’t let Peter do everything—because he will try, and Aunt May doesn’t want to call the fire department again. 

Scott Lang: The other worst chance at survival (but an entertaining one). He will try his best to keep your spirits up—that means doing every magic trick known to the geek community. It pains him to see you upset, so you may have to muster a fake laugh just to soothe him. Scott is still a father, so he does know a thing or two about taking care of someone. He’ll camp out with you on the couch, and you can expect your roles to be reversed two weeks later, when your sickness carries on to him.

Scott: You’re right, that’s snot funny. . .I’m sorry, that was a sick joke. 

BONUS EDITION:

Loki: He will nurse you back to health himself: he knows potions and remedies to do so. But he will almost seem solemn or detached as he does so. Loki loves you more than anything in the world, but sickness is a reminder of your mortality, and it’s a harsh reminder for him. Loki’s skin feels cool and refreshing against feverish skin. He will press soft, tender kisses on your forehead, and stare at you silently as you rest. 

Nick Fury: Sickness will tremble before this man. Fury know’s you’re strong enough to beat this illness, and he will put you under house arrest just to make sure you are getting the proper rest you need. He will also send Agent Coulson to be your personal maid/caretaker. 

Stephen Strange: The chances of survival here are pretty high. Nothing scares Stephen away, after being a doctor for years and fighting beings from different dimensions. He’ll make sure you have everything you need, speaking in a soft voice as he occasionally smoothes out your hair. Stephen has a spell to combat every sickness defect from coughing to sore throat, and he can make portals so you can spy on people while you recover. His cloak is very fond of you, too, and will choose you over him in your feverish state. 

Carol Danvers: She’s pretty much immune to everything, so Carol won’t hesitate to sit with you and have a sick day on the couch. She’ll try to stay upbeat and positive, but seeing you less than 100% worries her. Carol will stick around earth for a few days until you’re back on your feet. Plus, with her powers, Carol’s a gorgeous source of heat to keep you warm. 

Carol: You got this, champ. I know you’ll get through this, cause you’re my hero. 

A/N: Hia Awesome Adventurers! I hope you enjoyed this, school is back on this winter and I hope all of you are staying healthy. Stay tuned for the Guardians of the Galaxy, the X-Men, and Wakandans taking care of you when you’re sick! Love, fortune and glory to you!!

#marvel #marvel headcanons #Avengers #tony stark #Steve Rogers #clint barton #natasha romanoff #thor #bruce banner #james rhodes #wanda maximoff #vision #sam wilson #Bucky Barnes #tchalla #peter parker #scott lang #loki #nick fury #Carol Danvers #Stephen Strange #avengers x reader #taking care of you when you're sick #sicky #black widow #iron man #captain america #hulk #thor odinson #loki laufeyson

[annppl3juice]

I couldn’t help it - Midoriya x reader

This is part of a linear story in which the prompts mold the storyline, I’m writing for many others too but not all of them are finished. Prompt: How did you meet?

Gender Neutral Reader

Hero College AU

Characters are in College so they’re aged up

Being a student at Young Diamonds is something that only a few fortunate people could boast, it is one of the most excellent health colleges in Japan, specializing in raising young doctors even before quirks existed. Many of the students were forced to attend there, after all, which parent wouldn't want to see their children becoming doctors? That wasn't your case, you were passionate about observing surgeries or caring for the elderly. Yet, seeing so many innocent people in danger can frustrate sometimes, like today.

Your feet tapped in anticipation, thinking of the wounded boy you had found unconscious earlier, his innocent and injured face filling you with agony, burns covered half his body and undoubtedly a few dislocated bones, a sight that crushed your heart, and you could only trust the doctor's hands. 'Surely nothing could go wrong since one of the nurses had the heal quirk', you repeated in your mind, trying to focus on your task.

One of your duties being to feed and care for Mrs. Suzuki, a retired pro-hero who regularly got hospitalized, due to her sleep and food deprivation habits, that is, except for sweets. This wasn't supposed to be part of your routine, but the old woman is cranky and practically bit anyone else who came near her, she only liked you and demanded you would be the one who stays with her most of the time; usually, you only accompanied her while the real nurses did their jobs, but 'food time' is the bonding time. You were striving to induce the elderly woman to eat the soup, but she refused. You hardly believed that one of the greatest pro-heroes of her generation ended up this way.

"I'd give anything for a pudding now," she commented, which made you roll your eyes and stare, Mrs. Suzuki noticed this and crossed her arms, "I'm old, I will die anyway, at least let it be enjoyable!" You tweaked your nose, with a twinge of pain in the heart, her kind of humor being one you'd never get used to.

"I beg you, open your mouth, Mrs. Suzuki," you said, lifting a tablespoon of miso soup towards her mouth, with coy eyes, "You'll eat vitamins and protein to stay healthy." The grey-haired lady merely turned her face away, grumpy, while you gazed at her with a silly smile.

"You're boring, (l/n) maybe I should ask to cut your wages," she grinned at you with a cheeky look, you snickered at the strong-willed old lady you learned to love, after that mixing the spoon soup back with the bowl one, to regulate the heat since it had chilled amidst the persistence battle.

"I don't earn a salary, Mrs. Suzuki," you raised your eyeballs towards her, "I'm here because I love you and the other patients, I just want to help," you smiled tenderly, taking the spoon back near her mouth, this time she finally opened it, but not before releasing an exaggerated sigh.

"So what's been bothering you?" Mrs. Suzuki asked. You were indeed very worried about the boy, but you didn't say any of that to her, guess you couldn't expect less of a former pro-hero, "Pudding is the only sweet thing I hate and you said nothing about it, it's not like you."

You cowered, avoiding her piercing teal eyes, guilty about taking one patient to your personal feelings, then again, Mrs. Suzuki's role could be described as more of a grandmother one, an irresponsible, devious, hot-headed one, but a grandmother.

"Don't worry about me, Mrs. Suzuki, I'm the one supposed to take care of you," she released a 'tsk' sound, the sound made you glance at her, meeting an annoyed expression with rolling eyes.

"Oh, shut up, (l/n)!" She produced a harsh pitch, though not hostile; her arms placed crossed in front of her body as she faced the depths of your soul, which made you gulp. "You're like family to me, now start talking."

"Is just that...A boy came here unconscious earlier. I'm worried about him," you admitted, looking down at the half-full soup bowl. In your reflection, it was possible to see the apprehensive eyes. Being concerned about patients was your nature, but being the one who found him made this further personal.

"Hmmm...A crush perhaps?" She teased, raising an eyebrow while watching your every move. Your eyes widened as you questioned if that's what it looked like. Unquestionably he has a cute face, one that conveys a sensation of both innocence and confidence, and you regarded nothing other than the platonic tenderness, one you have for all the ailing, still, that thought was enough to turn you into a nervous wreck.

"Mrs. Suzuki!" you screamed, getting up from your seat while feeling the warmth on your cheeks spread all over your face. The old lady guffawed with amusement at your humiliated expression."It's just that I found him! I feel responsible for him!" you said shyly, and she tipped her head back, still laughing.

You waited a good few seconds with the lady attempting and failing to restrain her chuckles.

"You feel responsible for all patients, though," she said after calming down, rubbing a finger under her eyes to wipe away the tears of joy that had emerged. You poked and sited again.

"I just...I can't help it...I wanna talk to him," you mumbled, stirring the soup with the metal spoon, your mind remembering and tracing every injury you could remember in the boy's body.

"What are you waiting for, a divine sign? Go talk to him already," Mrs. Suzuki was not the tolerant type and trough her ocean-deep eyes you could see the judgment: you were making things too complicated, as you tended to.

"But... I have to finish giving you the food, and then I'll walk you through the exercises, and then...," you could tell by her euphoria diminishing to frustration that your excuses didn't work.

"For god’s sake! I won't be a cockblock!" she screamed, you looked sideways for fear of someone being near enough to overhear her, your face completely blushed.

"MRS. SUZUKI!" you screamed back, in shame, the thing this woman had any.

"Listen here, young one! This is the first time I'm going to do this so don't you dare waste it, call a nurse, they'll take care of me!" Your eyes widened, she would allow no one else to come near her, and to think she made this exception just for you made a sincere smile appear on your face.

"You're such a headstrong," you laughed, observing her grin "Don't worry, I'll do it."

_______________________

This bit was a little tricky, it's part of the hospital's policy that students should stay with nurses when visiting patients (aside from you with Mrs. Suzuki, the old lady is just too hostile.), so your trip to Midoryia's room would be a slight rule break. Yet you were determined to talk to the boy privately. Fortunately, the 24-hour shifts resulted in several employees sleeping in the on-call rooms, so your visit should go unnoticed.

You opened the door quietly and noticed that the boy lying there looking out the window; now his wounds were gone, surely the heal quirk. This made you think eventually medicine will become obsolete.

"Hmm, Mister Midoriya Izuku? My name is (l/n) (y/n)," You called him, introducing yourself so he'd feel more comfortable around you, the boy noticed your presence and just stared, you were pretty sure you heard mumbling, then became worried that he might be in shock, "Mister Midoriya?"

"O--Oh!" he seemed to wake up from his thoughts, blushing, you were relieved that he showed normal psychological conditions, but it was still too early to judge, "I--I'm sorry! I didn't mean to stare!" that sentence made you smile, he looked so innocent, "Is just that you look so young for a nurse, is it a quirk?" you scratched your neck, deviating from the question.

"Well, no, I'm only a student at YD," you smiled, stepping closer to him, "I was the one who found you."

"T--Thank you so much!" he joined his hands, bowing as he spoke. The scene was so cute you couldn't help but giggle.

"There is no need for that," you waved your hands in front of you, getting closer, he observed you as you pulled a stool close to his hospital bed and sat down right afterward. "I'm gonna check some vital signs, hmm kay? Meantime, can you tell me how you got so hurt?" You approached him and gently grabbed his arm, to feel his pulse. He was speechless for a few seconds, so you stopped to see if there was anything wrong; as you lifted your head, you noted his flushed face, automatically drifting away. "I'm terribly sorry, mister Midoryia! I did something wrong?"

You thought you heard him whisper 'Too close,' but couldn't be sure.

"No--No, No!" he frantically shook his hands in front of his face, "I--It's just your job, please go on!"

"Well, It's only a work experience, don't worry," you gave him a gentle smile, remembering you're not supposed to be there, "I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable," you said, pulling your stool away from him, "but you didn't answer my question, about how you ended up that way."

"Oh...!" he genuinely seemed to have forgotten the question, "I saw a villain assaulting a woman and since during vacations we don't have hero licenses I..."

"You...You confronted a villain with your bare hands?!" you interrupted him, in shock, if you were worried before, now even more so, "Why didn't you wait for a pro-hero to come?!"

"I couldn't help it" he scratched his neck, with a silly smile on his face. That was a phrase you said a lot yourself, but coming from his mouth it fascinated you.

There was only one certainty: You wanted to know more about that boy.

#bnha #mha #Appl3JuicePromptStory #midoryia izuku #midoryia x reader #midorya #izuku #bnha x reader #reader insert #reader x midoriya #reader x izuku #izuku x reader #college au #bnha college au #hero college au #bnha hero college au #mha college #bnha imagines #bnha drabble #why did i do this #masterlist #fan character #my hero academy fanfiction #fanfic #sfw

[animegrrlthighs]

Feb 6 2020

So yesterday I almost completed a 24h fast but I felt very nauseous around 1 hour / half an hour before hitting the 24th hour mark so I ate some fruits and warmed up chicken noodle soup. One day I’ll be able to do it without feeling really weak and nauseous but hey, that’s the longest I’ve gone without consuming something other than water so I’m pretty proud of that ✨

Today so far I’ve made a breakfast sandwich(230 cal) then had a small peach (~50) before school. I ate an apple because my friend asked me to go with her to get something to eat from the food room we have at school so that must’ve been like 100 for the Apple, then during 3rd period the same thing happened where I was walking with my other friend and I was kinda forced to get something from the vending machine cause I didn’t wanna seem suspicious and avoid food in front of her so I got sun chips😔it’s 190 for the bag but I had around 3/4 of the bag(shared with others) so that would probably make it about 140 or 150, idk I’m eyeballing it. Getting home I ate a tomato basil rice cake(that shit is so good!!!) it was 50 cal and now it’s 3:30 pm and I’m not feeling hungry at all surprisingly, but I may eat something before 6 and fast until the next day. Considering I have plans tomorrow, I’m most likely gonna indulge on something so this way I feel balanced by stopping my eating for a bit.

#myself