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#that i have been off my meds for over a week
megalony · 3 days
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Make It Stop- Part 2
Here is the follow up for my Eddie Diaz imagine, I'm so pleased you all liked the first part and I hope you will like this one too. Any feedback is always lovely.
I have been having a slow day with writing today, wanting to write but not feeling the mood for any particular idea. But all the requests keep me going and make me excited so keep them coming.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @gillybear17 @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18
Eddie Diaz Masterlist
Part 1
Summary: Eddie is married to Bobby's daughter, and things take a bad turn when they have to take her to the hospital in the middle of the night. And the doctors can't find out why.
Enjoy.
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A smile graced Eddie's lips as he walked round the front of the jeep over to where Bobby and Athena were stood. He bounced his youngest on his hip, feeling Mavis scrunch her hand up in his shirt as she clung to him and began drooling on his shoulder.
"Hey cutie," Bobby held his hands out expectingly until his granddaughter was carefully eased into his arms. He lifted her up so he could kiss her cheek before he settled her down on his chest and pressed his lips against the top of her head.
Eddie stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched fondly as Mavis cuddled into Bobby's chest and showed off a toothy smile when Athena kissed the back of her hand.
It felt strange just having one of the kids with him. But both Chris and Iris were in school and Eddie didn't want to part with Mavis and ask Carla to look after her. He wanted Mavis to be with him and he knew it would cheer (Y/n) up to have one of the kids here to see her.
"You brought visitors." Eddie managed a smile when he looked behind Bobby and noticed Hen and Evan stood to the side.
All the team had been nervous for the last three days. It had been so strange for them to be at work with Hen as active captain while Bobby and Eddie both took the rest of the week off. They needed to be with (Y/n), especially when they didn't know what was causing her illnesses and her sudden bouts of agony and pain.
They were all taking turns watching the kids and being at the hospital with (Y/n). She didn't like being in the hospital, especially not alone and if they left her, they had a feeling she would try and discharge herself.
The five of them slowly walked through the main entrance and headed down the hall towards the stairs. Eddie wasn't sure if the staff would be happy to find (Y/n)'s room cramped with all these visitors, but it would only be for a few hours and they wouldn't be any trouble.
"How is she?" Hen weaved behind Athena and moved over to stand on Eddie's other side. They were both medics, they had a bit more understanding of health conditions and complications than Evan or either of (Y/n)'s parents.
She stuffed her hands in her pockets and hunched her shoulders high as she assessed Eddie.
He had one hand tangled in his hair, loosening the knots that gathered between his fingers. Dark purple ringlets hung beneath his crackling, brown orbs and his skin looked very pale, verging on grey. He looked like he hadn't eaten anything during the last three days since she had seen him at his house with (Y/n).
"Random granulomas in her lungs and liver, and then a haemorrhage in her bladder, and they don't know why. But the meds are working, she's so much better today."
Seeing (Y/n) more like herself didn't do anything to calm Eddie down, if anything, it put him more on edge. He didn't understand why she had the granulomas in her lungs to begin with, or why they moved into her liver. And the bleed in her bladder was so sudden and unexpected, and there was no reason for it. The doctors couldn't explain any of it.
But yesterday, (Y/n) had seemed much more like herself. She was eating and drinking, she was sitting up and talking and she could breathe properly without gasping or feeling a tightening in her chest.
Eddie knew the doctors were thinking about sending her home soon, but he didn't want her home until they knew why she was ill and could ensure it didn't happen again.
"And there's nothing wrong with her blood?" Hen pondered as they advanced up to the second floor.
"Not that they can find."
"I'm sure they'll come up with something." Hen didn't voice it, but she knew the doctors were likely to come up with an explanation soon. They had Eddie breathing down their necks and the whole fire department waiting for answers, they weren't likely to rest until they got the answers they needed.
Athena moved ahead and pushed open the stairwell door, keeping it open for everyone to filter through. But her eyes lingered on Evan who was leaning over Bobby's shoulder to try and interact with Mavis.
"You never said Eddie was related to you. Why didn't you say you had grandkids?" Evan looked between Bobby and Athena while he smiled at the little girl who was drooling and making small noises into Bobby's shirt.
He had never once heard Bobby talk about having a daughter. He scarcely opened up about losing his wife and son in the apartment fire back in Minnesota.
Learning Bobby did indeed have a daughter and three grandkids was a big surprise to the team. It was even more of a surprise to learn Eddie was his son in law and was in fact very close to him. They had been more than professional at work. Neither of them had given away this little fact or let on that they were closer than just Captain and teammate.
"It never came up," Bobby shrugged and turned to the right when Athena held out her hands and gently took their youngest grandchild from his arms and into her own.
"I'm pretty sure it should have when we talked about bringing families to the summer party. You could have mentioned Eddie's practically your son."
Evan wouldn't voice it, but he felt a little irritated at not learning this sooner. He felt close to Bobby, he often thought of Bobby and Athena as his surrogate parents. It hurt to realise they were more like Eddie's parents and were in fact related to him than Evan.
"And have you go in a mood or say I'm getting preferential treatment? No thanks." It wasn't so much Evan or Hen, as the rest of the team that Eddie had been wary of.
He didn't want anyone saying Bobby went easy on him or was soft or let him get away with things because they were related. If no one knew, no one made a fuss and they all remained friends but with professional boundaries in place. It was easier not to ay anything. Not that it mattered now, anyway.
"Alright, here we-" Eddie bit down on his lip and held back a sigh when he opened the door to (Y/n)'s room and looked inside. "What on Earth are you doing?"
He felt Bobby's hand on his shoulder as he leaned around his son in law to look into the room and see what he was referring to. Evan and Hen crowded behind as Athena and Mavis stood on Eddie's right and leaned gently on his arm to see what (Y/n) was doing. None of them could gather any words when they looked around and locked their eyes on her.
(Y/n) rolled her lips together and tried to bite back a sheepish smile when she looked over at the door.
Her arms moved to coil around her waist and she looked down at herself before she glanced back up at her family crowded in the doorway.
She was fed up of wearing the scratchy, uncomfortable hospital gown they had provided her with when she was admitted. And when (Y/n) noticed the bag Athena had dropped off for Eddie with clothes, deodorant and a few essentials from home, she couldn't resist. (Y/n) wanted to feel comfortable and move about.
It had been a little harder than she first thought. She went to the bathroom, dragging the IV pole along with her and stripped from the nuisance gown. She changed into a pair of Eddie's jogging bottoms and the bra she had worn when she was admitted, but the IV was harder to fathom.
(Y/n) couldn't undo the clip properly or remove the wire so she could slip on Eddie's hoodie. The effort, along with a sudden bout of dizziness had landed (Y/n) on the floor.
She was sat in the doorway to the bathroom, hoodie resting over her lap, IV pole behind her and her legs curled beneath her as she sat wearing jogging bottoms and her bra.
"I was sick of wearing that stupid gown." (Y/n) mumbled quietly but when she tilted her head back to look up at them, she could feel the blood draining down to her toes. And her head lolled backwards as her hand planted down on the floor to keep herself sitting upright.
Eddie shook his head, tutting under his breath as he marched into the room and bent down in front of her.
"Then you wait for me to help you. You don't go doing everything yourself."
"Sorry,"
Eddie held his breath when (Y/n) flopped her head to one side and looked at him with those big doe eyes and a lopsided smile that had his heart fluttering like a bird in a cage.
He moved down onto his knees, tutting at her quietly but when (Y/n) leaned over and let her head drop onto his chest, he felt himself deflating. He wasn't angry at her, but he wished she would just wait for help and let them look after her. She always thought she had to do everything herself when all Eddie wanted to do was look after her and make sure she was okay.
He cradled the back of her neck and pressed his lips against the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo that was starting to fade. His other arm secured around her waist and he gently shuffled her to the side so she was propped up against the bathroom door.
For a brief moment, he let his eyes wander down to (Y/n)'s exposed stomach. The fading, slashed line across her abdomen beneath her belly button caught his attention; her scar from the C-section she had with Iris. And an inch below that was a fresh incision in her skin with four neat, navy blue stitches sewing the skin back together.
He hated that (Y/n) had needed to go for minor surgery to repair the bleed in her bladder. And Eddie hated that they couldn't find a reason or explanation.
"Come here," He whispered softly and reached out for her right hand so he could drape it across his thigh.
His fingers glided across the back of her hand and he made sure the canula was still inserted in her vein before his touch moved up along the fluid tube. a few centimeters up, Eddie found the cap and the two cut off sections where injections and doses could be administered into the IV line.
He capped off the tube so no more fluids could get in and unscrewed the green plastic, removing the wire free from the canula in her hand.
"Alright, let's get this on you, mi amor."
Eddie reached out for the hoodie on her thighs and he grinned when he realised it was one of his.
A quiet 'oof' left his lips when (Y/n) let him pull the hoodie over her head and then slumped forward into his chest again. She closed her eyes and smiled into Eddie's shirt, breathing in his scent and went floppy like jelly so Eddie could carefully ease her arms through the sleeves. He was particularly careful not to nudge or pull out her canula and he rolled the sleeve up to her elbow to make sure it was in tact.
Once the IV line was reconnected, Eddie patted (Y/n)'s hip and held her waist so he could move around and crouch between her parted thighs.
He looped her legs around his hips and effortlessly lifted her up so she was sat low on his hips with her arms around his neck and her face smothered against his collar bone.
Bobby silently walked over and followed behind them with the IV pole as Eddie went over to the bed and eased (Y/n) down so she was sat in bed again where he expected her to be when they came in.
"Better?" Bobby asked gently and leaned down to kiss her temple while Eddie perched on the side of the bed and Athena moved to sit down in the chair beside the bed.
"Much better."
As soon as Mavis looked around, her arms stretched out and she began whimpering and gurgling until Athena carefully sat her down on the bed.
(Y/n) held her arms out and lifted Mavis up just before she had the chance to flop onto her stomach and hurt her stitches. The whole of (Y/n)'s abdomen was sore and tender and her chest was still aching every now and then, especially when she took deep breaths.
She settled Mavis down tucked under her right arm and let her lean on her upper chest. Three days without the kids felt like a lifetime and (Y/n) couldn't wait until this afternoon when Eddie would bring Chris and Iris down to see her. When she got her arms around them, she wasn't sure she would be able to let them go.
Hopefully in a day or two, she could go home.
***
"Mr Diaz, your wife has reacted well to the medication for the last five days-"
"You think two days without a symptom means she's cured? You can't even find the problem. You're not sending her home."
Eddie clamped his hand down on his hip while his other hand rubbed across his jaw. He leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath to try and calm himself down. The last thing he needed was to lose his temper here and now, but he couldn't help himself.
"I think your wife is sick of being in observation and all our tests are negative. Unless she has another symptom or relapse, we can send her home and continue tests and routine checks every week."
"No." Eddie pushed off the wall when he noticed his father in law walking down the corridor. He waved his hand out and beckoned him over. "This is her dad. You can explain to the Captain of the 118 firehouse why you want to send his sick daughter home without a diagnosis or anymore treatment."
"You're doing what?"
As soon as Bobby clamped his hands down on his hips and stood tall and stern in front of the doctor, Eddie could feel the man's resolve melting away. He watched with glee in his eyes as Bobby intimidated the other man who had to be about his age.
Bobby wasn't having this. He wasn't letting them discharge (Y/n) when they still didn't know what was wrong with her. What if it happened again? What if she got another unconnected symptom? What if they took her home and she suddenly deteriorated fast and out of nowhere?
As soon as the words "Let's talk in my office," hit Eddie's ears, he turned his back and moved towards (Y/n)'s room. He wasn't going for an argument in this man's office. Bobby was the one he needed to deal with now or else Eddie was going to lose his temper. At least with Bobby they could talk things through calmly and try to come up with a solution.
Whatever was wrong with (Y/n), it wasn't going to just go away and Eddie knew that for a fact. He knew the granulomas hadn't caused the bleeding in (Y/n)'s bladder. There had to be some underlying cause somewhere causing these problems.
"Daddy!"
Eddie spun on his heels and plastered the calmest smile he could manage on his face. His eyes set on all three of his kids and the sight made his heart swell and sent his lungs tightening in his chest.
They would simmer his temper down and make him smile. They would make (Y/n) feel better too. They didn't want to leave her the past two days they had been down to see her. Eddie wanted (Y/n) to come home, he wanted his wife home safe and well with them, but she couldn't come home now when she might still be unwell. It was too risky.
"Hi baby girl, come here." He leaned down and scooped Iris up in his right arm as his left arm secured around Chris who pummelled into him and almost knocked him down. "Are you okay, how was school?"
He looked up and nodded at Athena who was bouncing Mavis on her hip with a tender smile. Athena had barely put Mavis down this last week since she and Bobby had been helping out with the kids.
"Good, can we see mum?" Chris leaned his head back to look up at Eddie while Iris looped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. They had been switching between staying home with Eddie on a night and staying with their grandparents. And although they understood why, it had still been a daunting week for them all.
Everyone wanted things to go back to normal and for (Y/n) to get better.
"Yeah, let's go surprise her." He sat Iris on his hip and kept his other hand on Chris's back, waiting for Athena to walk alongside them before they walked down the corridor.
"Was that the doctor Bobby wandered off with?"
"Yeah." A silent exchange passed between them and Athena pursed her lips, humming and nodding to herself. She could sense in Eddie's silence and the fury in his eyes that her husband was about to be having an argument rather than a civil conversation.
"Eddie! Oh God, Eddie!"
An ungodly tremor surged down Eddie's spine and fizzled his blood down to his toes when (Y/n)'s voice caught his attention.
He turned to look at Athena who went rigid beside him. Something was happening. When Eddie left her room less than twenty minutes ago to go to the toilet and subsequently talk to the doctor, she had been perfectly fine. She looked a little tired and languid but other than that, she had been sat up reading a book.
"Stay with nana." Eddie slumped Iris down to her feet and pushed her and Chris towards athena, stopping his son from trying to rush ahead with him.
He couldn't have any of the kids going into (Y/n)'s room, he didn't know what the problem was or what he would be walking into.
"Eddie!"
(Y/n)'s cry had Eddie's heart hammering away against his chest and each beat made him feel like his heart had become impaled on his ribs. He bolted to the right and barged into the room, slamming the door shut behind him so none of the kids could see or properly hear what was going on in here. He already knew Athena would be on her way to find a doctor and get some help.
"Baby, baby what's wrong?"
Eddie stumbled over to the bed, holding his breath deep in his lungs as he looked around and tried to see what was going on.
She was laid in the middle of the bed, both arms seemingly bound around her stomach and her feet were pressed down into the mattress with her knees pulled up near her stomach. (Y/n) had her shoulders pulled inwards and her body was leant forwards with her head almost touching her knees.
Pressing his knees into the edge of the bed, Eddie carefully wrapped his arms around (Y/n) and tried to be gentle when he reeled her up.
"Baby-"
"I-it hurts… oh it kills! Make it stop! Eddie m-make it stop, please." The words spluttered through gritted teeth and her tone was volatile and high in pitch.
This felt so much worse than the blockage in her liver. It hurt more than the needle Eddie punctured into her lung to relieve the pressure. This was more than painful discomfort in her bladder. And the pain wasn't in any of those places like it had been before.
(Y/n) wasn't sure where the pain was coming from or what the problem was, all she knew was it felt like someone had taken to stabbing her repeatedly. Each heartbeat sent her blood pounding and she could feel her heartbeat vibrating and pulsing off her like heatwaves.
Reaching her hands out, (Y/n) curled her hands around Eddie's bicep, digging her nails into his skin like tallons sinking through to the bone. Her eyes snapped closed and her head pressed into his shoulder. She wanted to double over and see if it would ease the pain, but Eddie wouldn't let her.
His left arm secured around her chest and his right arm looped around her back, keeping her sitting up and imbedding her shoulder into his chest. He pressed his lips against the back of her head and started to shush her as he carefully leaned her back so she sank down into the pillow.
"Okay baby, shh I've got you it's okay."
When she tried to push forward again with a cry resembling a howl, Eddie pushed her back again. "Baby you have to let me look. Shh, let me see what's wrong."
He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt and her frame began to tremble as she sobbed in absolute agony. But if Eddie didn't examine her, he wasn't going to know what the problem was. It was either him or a doctor examining her to find out what was wrong.
Once (Y/n) was laid back, Eddie pushed her knees down to her legs were on the bed and not coiled up near her stomach. He lifted her shirt up towards her bra so he could see her skin and try and find the issue. His hands instantly moved towards her bladder and where her stitches were, thinking she might have an infection or another bleed.
But when Eddie pressed down near her bladder, (Y/n) shook her head. That wasn't where her pain was situated, her bladder was seemingly fine. And he could tell by her voice and her cries that her lungs weren't a problem.
Eddie looked into his wife's eyes and pulled her eyelid back. The whites of her eyes weren't yellow or discoloured, her liver was still in working order too.
Moving his hands around, Eddie pressed down on various areas of (Y/n)'s chest and torso until (Y/n) suddenly jumped beneath him like he had brought her back to life. A scream bounced off her teeth and clawed past her lips as she latched her fingers around his wrist again to either make him stop or get him to do something about the pain.
"It's your spleen, it might have burst." Eddie reached out and hit the emergency button before he sat down and let (Y/n) sit up and burrow into him.
"No… oh no," (Y/n) choked as she pushed herself further into Eddie like his comfort would do something, anything, to make her feel better and relieve her pain. Her cries shivered through to his chest and her tears soaked into his shirt as she cried and gasped.
Why was she now having problems in her spleen? What was happening to affect so many different organs in her body like this without connection?
"Alright baby, I'm here. We'll get this sorted, I promise."
***
(Y/n) slowly peeled her eyes open, taking her time to try and get her vision to focus and adjust so she could find out where she was and what was going on.
She felt battered and bruised.
Her body had been used as a pin cushion, needles punctured into her chest, dozens more into her bladder to infuse medication and remove the bleed. Needles into her liver to take bloods and check function and that it was back working again. Her chest was still swollen and bruised from her respiratory arrest. And now another part of her abdomen was aching and felt like it had been torn apart.
Before her eyes adjusted, (Y/n) reached a shaking hand up and grabbed the oxygen tube that was pushed under her nose. She yanked it out and tossed it off her ears; she didn't want that.
"Hm…"
"Hey mi amor, how do you feel?"
Her lips formed a languid, lazy smile and she flopped her hand around until she found Eddie's wrist that was resting near her thigh. She limply tugged on his hand until he started to chuckle and got the hint.
Eddie leaned over her chest and pressed his lips to her temple while his hand brushed across her jaw and neck. He couldn't stop his heart from hammering away in his chest when he tried to lean back but (Y/n) tilted her head and caught his lips in a kiss.
He kissed her lips once, then twice, then a third time until he had to pull back and let (Y/n) catch her breath before she passed out on him. His nose brushed hers and he rested his temple on hers, smiling as her eyes finally seemed to come into focus.
"Hi,"
A grin formed on Eddie's lips and he laughed. "Hi, baby." He kissed her one last time before he slowly sat up. He shuffled his hips back until they touched (Y/n)'s thigh and let her look around her crowded room.
Her dad was sat on the chair on her right with Chris perched on his lap, smiling intently when (Y/n) realised Chris was holding her right hand captive in both of his. And Athena was sat to her left with Mavis and Iris both sat on her knees.
"What happened?" (Y/n) squeezed Chris's hand and kept hold of Eddie's wrist while she felt his fingertips feathering up and down her wrist and arm.
"It was your spleen, it ruptured so they had to remove it."
He watched the way (Y/n)'s smile dampened and her eyes glanced down to her chest as if she could see through the scratchy hospital gown to look at her skin. She didn't dare think what her abdomen and torso would now look like. Puncture wounds from needles, her old C-section scar, the new line of stitches from her bladder surgery. And now another small scar or two to remove her spleen. What would be next?
"Good news though, we can take you home in two days."
(Y/n) tilted her head to the side and looked across at her dad with furrowed brows. Why would they take her home so soon? She had just had her spleen removed for no apparent reason. Surely she would have to stay longer now and wait for another organ to fail or another rupture or blood loss to take effect? What if this happened when she went home, what would she do?
She didn't realise tears were falling down her face until Chris let go of her hand and reached out to brush them away.
"Let's go get your mum a drink, she'll be parched by now." Athena got to her feet and held her hand out to Chris while Mavis settled on her hip and Iris stayed dutifully by her side. She waited for Chris to kiss (Y/n)'s cheek and whisper 'love you mum' in her ear before he took Athena's hand and followed along. Telling her exactly what drink he knew (Y/n) would want to make her feel better.
"Home?" (Y/n) moved both her hands to hold Eddie's arm and tugged until he obliged and held her hips. He carefully sat her up while Bobby moved the pillows behind her so she was upright rather than lying down. "I c- I… if it happens again?"
"Baby it won't-"
"What's next?"
Eddie didn't understand what she meant until one of her hands moved to her chest and she started patting up and down her chest and abdomen. She felt like someone had a map of her body and was ticking off each organ and part of her that they were injuring. Lungs, liver, bladder, spleen, there wasn't a lot left before everything was hit and then where would she be? She would end up dying.
Was she dying? Was that why they were sending her home? Had they finally found out the problem, but it was bad news? Was she going home to die?
It was as if Eddie could see every horrid thought running rapid in her mind because his hands smothered her face in an instant. His thumbs brushed beneath her eyes, his fingers danced across her cheeks and he kissed her lips as his temple pressed against hers.
He felt (Y/n)'s hands shakily grab his wrists and hold tight until her nails were cutting through his skin and she was cutting off his circulation.
"Nothing's next, mi amor, I swear. You're gonna be just fine now, they've found the problem."
(Y/n) tried to catch her breaths that were running away without her and she turned her head to the right to look at her dad. He smiled, doing his best to hide the tears in his eyes and he moved to perch on the bed next to her.
Bobby kissed the side of (Y/n)'s head and wrapped an arm around her middle while his other hand fumbled in his pocket. He found the small plastic container he had been holding onto for the last three hours since (Y/n) came out of surgery. The small vile no bigger than a blood sample tube, which had captured the Captain's attention for the last few hours.
When he held it out for (Y/n) to see, her eyes narrowed and her lips curled. She didn't know what she was looking at.
Her hands stayed bound around Eddie's wrists to keep his hands close even as he dropped them from her face and moved to hold her waist instead.
"W-what is it?"
"It's the splinter they found in your spleen."
She didn't understand. How could she have a splinter in her spleen? How could a splinter have caused all this damage? Her eyes narrowed and she leaned closer to look in the vile. A thin- very thin, almost miniscule piece of wood about the length of her fingernail. Her eyes danced back across to her husband, wanting some sort of explanation.
"It must have been near your intestine, you moved during the night and it moved to your chest and caused the respiratory problems. Then it moved to your liver, causing the granulomas, and then down to your bladder. You were lucky it ruptured your spleen, or they might not have found it."
No one could say for sure where it started or got into (Y/n)'s body, but they knew the route it had taken. It had punctured a lung and caused respiratory arrest which then caused the granulomas, and when it moved to her liver it caused the same problem. The medication cleared up both those issues, but the splinter moved along and went down to her bladder and poked through the lining which caused the bleed.
Travelling to her spleen was a lucky escape. It caused enough damage to rupture the organ and surgery to remove it left the splinter stuck in her spleen and effectively took away the problem.
"How?"
"The doctor said you either ingested it, or if you've had a fall, it could have punctured into your system."
Either it was in any food (Y/n) had been eating or chewing and got ingested into her system. Or when she had been in the garden or playing with the kids or taking them to the woods and had a small accident, it punctured right through her skin. It was so small and sharp that it could have felt like a pin prick, a small discomforting pain like a scratch rather than a horrid pain like the agony it had caused throughout her system.
None of them would have ever thought up this explanation. None of the team were going to believe it when Eddie and Bobby told them what had happened.
If they didn't find it, Eddie wouldn't believe it, and there was no wonder it hadn't shown up in any of the scans (Y/n) had. Wood absorbs water, it would have absorbed the fluids in her body and changed the density so the MRI hadn't picked up its presence.
Turning her head to the right, (Y/n) kissed her dad's cheek before she pushed forward and wrapped both arms tightly around Eddie's neck. She shuffled until she was practically sat on his lap with her face buried in his neck, breathing in his scent as he kissed her temple.
"You're gonna be just fine now, mi amor. I promise."
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guidedhearts · 6 months
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hi
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transgender-scout · 9 months
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amazing how taking your meds will make you feel better
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How do you go about picking a new name for yourself? I've never really felt one way or another about my given name.... I just don't feel connected to it much is all. I don't hate it though, either. Like the rest of me it's just kinda There.
I'm thinking short, still. And definitely more gender neutral? Just don't know what.
I don't plan on changing my name -- not officially. I'm just getting ready to apply for graduate school in Sept and was contemplating adding a 'preferred' name to my applications. All the schools are out of state so I'd be getting a completely fresh start. What better way to test out a new name?
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martian-marco · 3 months
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Sending love to everyone else out there who deals with the hellish combo of severe chronic pain and doctors who don't give a single shit (and shoo you out the door after spending the whole 10 minute appointment telling you to lose weight or stretch or whatever)
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flintbian · 1 year
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Man, life is just depressing right now
#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away#i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well...#my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too#basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps#so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either#and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better#not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me#but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless#it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease#but still getting to this point fucking sucks#and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything#and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same#literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best#and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too#and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work#the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days#so yeah. terribly terribly alone#and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point#at this point maybe i should give up too#im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books#but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth#there's not much or anything to live for#it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live#but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks#my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore?#never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here#sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment#p
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pearl-kite · 9 months
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got sent home early today because we're properly staffed and I was one of the earliest in
it felt less optional than the last few times I went home early though, and was close to three hours early, which, on top of how That One Pharmacist irked me about me trying to do some of my capstone reading in between customers, had me going home nearly livid
decided TODAY I AM GOING TO GET THAT FUCKING BIKE DOWN AND GO RIDE
eventually did
got on bike
started to ride
holyfuckingshitIamtoooutofshapeforthis
I only made it a few blocks before I had to turn around :c
I can do squats fine, btw. I am regularly squatting at work to grab script bags on the bottom hanger and standing straight up from that squat unaided. My legs are not pathetic by any means
My biking muscles, on the other hand, apparently wanted to have a good laugh
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everyfandomever · 10 months
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I swear if the docs dont take my blood after ive been fasting i will be livid
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floral-hex · 10 months
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It’s almost 6 in the morning. Can’t sleep. Admittedly lonely. So I’ll type a little text post to feel like I’m actually “doing” something.
Doubled my vilazadone. Started buspirone. I’ve been on a diuretic for my ears (it’s complicated) for about a week now, but whether it’s coincidental or not, my hearing has been pretty great since I started. But hearing comes and goes, so we’ll see if this holds in the coming weeks. My body is having trouble adjusting to all of these new meds, but I think it’s starting to rebalance itself. Chemicals, man…
Okay, I really don’t know what else to say here. Just bored on a Saturday night… well, now Sunday morning. Might go eat some captain crunch. I just started the buspirone and I think it’s maybe making me.. eeeeee 😬😬😬😬… you get it? Not anxious, just on edge. They said take before bed to get used to it, but maybe they meant “hey, take as you’re falling asleep, because if you’re awake when it kicks in, you will stay awake.” Or maybe it’s just normal loneliness and anxiety keeping me up. Who knows. This seems like a downer post, yeah? Sorry. It’ll be positive, ya. I’ll go make some cereal, watch some tv, you all can do whatever you’re doing this morning. There are some birds chirping outside, I’ll see if my cats are awake, it’ll be nice.
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staarchild · 10 months
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day 2 on the menopause juice and i think i'm experiencing my first hot flush. i don't think i like it.
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fantabulisticity · 10 months
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Just screamed so loud in my car that both my ears rang and a spider fell from the ceiling. My throat hurts.
#my pharmacy won't fill my meds AGAIN because some motherfucker decided to make a new policy that requires more instructions or something#i keep not getting my meds when I need them because every time i get a new script sent out (like one I haven't been on before) i hear...#...nothing back from the pharmacy; generally for days; and then when i call them (every 10 or 15 or 30 minutes for several hours) no...#...one picks up the goddamn phone and i have to make time to go in in person and ask the pharmacist when my meds will be ready.#and then they tell me 'oh yeah we HAVE the script from your doctor. we just need MORE INFORMATION and sent them an ELECTRONIC NOTE...#...(reminder that i live in fucking rural idaho so most people use a fucking phone and not 'an electronic note') and haven't heard back...#...from them yet so we're just waiting on that :)' and then i have to smile and thank them bc it isn't their fucking fault the policy is...#...some fucking bullshit and then i have to call my doctor on the phone (and can never reach them directly so i have to get a...#...receptionist to leave them a note that i HOPE they'll see in the next couple of days but sometimes they don't) and since i never have...#...an emergency it's often 2 or more weeks before anyone gets back to me. i usually have to call the pharmacy again. and then they don't...#...always answer and i usually have to go in and ask AGAIN why my meds aren't ready and they go 'oh we're still waiting on your doctor'...#...:) or 'they sent us a message back but it wasn't ENOUGH information and we sent them another ELECTRONIC NOTE that they won't see for...#...days or weeks so we recommend YOU call your doctor even though we're the ones flinging you around like a rag doll and you have 0...#...control over it. and by the way we're going to continue doing this for like a fucking year every time you get a new script. and when...#...your doctor asks you if the new meds are working you're going to have to say 'i have no fucking clue because it took 6 weeks to get...#...my goddamn prescription filled and it takes 3 months for the medication to show signs of working so my pharmacy wasted HALF of that...#...time sending electronic notes instead of filling my motherfucking prescription and i was supposed to be off these meds by summer...#...since they cause intense sunburn and shit and i have an OUTDOOR JOB NOW but my acne is still bad and hasn't gone away enough to stop...#...using the super intense stuff and my face hurts and swells and oozes and i have to wear a wide-brimmed hat and sunscreen EVERY time...#...i go outside because i can get a sunburn in 20 minutes now and i've been having heat rashes from the sun for the first time in my...#...LIFE and i have to fucking monitor myself every time i go outside and it's the warm season and i need a new pair of lighter work...#...pants but they don't sell above a size 18 for women even though men go up to like a size 45 which is like a size 24 or 26 in women's...#...and men's pants don't fit me bc i was blessed with the largest ass in the history of mankind' and i am so. fucking. tired.#of all the bullshit.#i feel miserable. my mom is buying me otc imodium bc i have NO IDEA when my prescription will come available. i just want the cramping...#...to stop. i've been having diarrhea all day every day since sunday. the cramps HURT and they keep me up at night. i haven't been...#...eating much bc there's so much shit moving around and hurting in my gut that i can't feel when i'm hungry and food doesn't soumd great.#so i'm weak and slow and tired and can't go to work and i'm using up all the sick days i was hoping to save up to visit my friend in...#...cyprus this winter. so that probably can't happen. but anyways. my mom came by while i was typing this out and i feel betterish.#personal
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carryonmylovelies · 1 year
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omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !
#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk#just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that#pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍#my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close#so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit#so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship#and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃#and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭#i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO#i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far#im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪#literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo#ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY)#and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡#my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard#he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit#and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad.#ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS#and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao#but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months#and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again#i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫)#i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair#which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything#i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert)#and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it#and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more#bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well#its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha#so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!
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for realsies
#HELLO IM VENTING AGAIN IM SO SORRY#i am sick of everything the usual but i just need some fucking therapy and my diagnosises are taking too long because the system is shit#over here and i feel like i am a literal walking disaster a hazard to myself are my meds even working anymore idk? someone needs to lock me#in a fucking wardrobe before i loose my shit and do something stupid as fuck at least im self aware ok were growing this is called growth#wow ok amazing spectacular#like tonight ive decided i hate everyone again i want to quit uni actually might do it this time i just applied for a random job for no#reason i have a job but if i have 2 then i can over work myself to the max so i dont have to go into uni#i have three weeks off so now im cutting everyone off who knows how long this episode is gonna last for#i am loosing my god damn mind i do not want to do anything everything is so hard why is everyone so pressuring#i stopped doing some of my stupid habbits but now im just going full circle again so im thriving rn live love laugh am i right guys or what#AND WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A THERPAIST WHO CONTACTS ME ITS BEEN SINCE OCTOBER U FUCKING BITCH GO FUCK URSELF#anyway im in huge amounts of pain too idk what i do in my sleep or something but my shoulders hurt so bad#i hate wet tags on clothes when they stick to you throws up actually#i had stale fucking garlic bread today and i want to move out but if i move out then things will get worse for me#why cant i maintain a normal friendship without loosing my mind and hating everyone i mean no one knows my friends are pretty good with me#they understand but i dont know#ive come to the conclusion that i am just a shit
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slippery-minghus · 11 months
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it just occurred to me to wonder... how much of how shitty i've felt this past week and a half is being compounded by having to fuck with my adderall dosing to tide me until i can see my doctor and get a refill.
i've been staggering taking a leftover xr one day, skipping a day, then taking a higher dose of the ir, and so on. it's enough that i'm not crashing but... my dopamine is probably all over the place right now. and i gotta say. talking shit to myself feels almost rewarding.
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swietokradztwo · 1 year
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#im so stressed out im so tired ive done nothing and i need to start writing the essays#i have 3 to do plus there are like 6 exams most of which have a lot shit to remember plus im having a psychology short test#and the results of another short test next week and i need to start this economy assignment#and im late almost two weeks with a russian assignment and i want to cry#my meds arent working so im a mess and i stopped taking them bc they give me nightmares but now im having withdrawal and my heart is being#weird and i want to cry i need to kill myself i need to call my doctor#and maybe ask her abt that thing that makes you not have to take all your exams if youre mentally ill#but i feel bad asking for it like its not like im really sick and it feels like im just constantly lying#and she already signed the crap that makes me not have to go to pe thankfully#so i cant go and ask her abt this too like whatever worst case i fail everything and rip my guts out and die#i dont remember when i showered last time and im just so stressed out and i cant do anything productive#i havent been drawing or learning or revising or even doing my reading#speaking of which i have like 300 pages for next week maybe more and i cant take this anymore i need to die#also i think my parents would get mad at me if i said i cant wrote all my exams#bc whatever im not really sick im just lazy and annoying and a bad person and i wish i could get hit by a car so bad i need my head to be#crushed and my brain to get wplattered across the street#also im so gross and sweaty i hate myself sm and i feel so guilty over everything all the time#and them i go to therapy and i cant talk abt anything bc i hate talking abt my feelings its gross and i dont deserve it#i wish there was easy access to guns here suicide would be so easy jesus#and im having insane mood swings again i need to get off social media even tumblr it just makes me feel like shit abt myself#tw suicide mention
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cryptidafter · 1 year
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finally having an allergy test done on Wednesday but uhhh still really nervous
Living in a house with mold for 10+ years fucking sucks 0/10 would not recommend
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