List of “presenting: an overthinker” prompts
“Do they actually like me?”
Mind racing with a million thoughts about the possibility of things, and being scared they’ll actually happen, even if they are irrational as all hell.
“So I… You know what, don’t worry about it.” “Are you sure? Because when you say that, that makes me worry more.”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Do I even deserve any of this?”
The constant need for reassurance, and even that isn’t enough to keep your thoughts at bay.
Feeling the need to apologise for something you didn’t even do wrong.
Sitting in your anxiety and muddled up thoughts for hours when you don’t get a reply from that one person in a timely manner; wondering if you’ve fucked it all up with whatever you’ve said.
Reaching out to them multiple times and making your spiral worse when they stay silent on you.
It gets to the point where your overthinking feeds into your already growing anxiety, overwhelming you and eventually drawing tears out of you.
It gets so bad to the point where your chest feels tight, you feel numb and the world around you eventually becomes a monotonous blur because you’re too focused on this one thing you’re overthinking about.
The rational subconscious of yours tries to drag you back to the side where things are okay and it’s really not that bad because it really isn’t that bad, but that small, irrational part of you takes ahold of you and continues to anchor you down.
You try to redirect your thoughts and it works for a bit… But then you eventually come back around to those thoughts. Sometimes, redirecting doesn’t work so you end up drowning in your own head.
Wondering if you’re being annoying by reaching out, even though you’ve been holding yourself back quite a lot, knowing you’re not being too much at all. Far from it, in fact.
There are days when you so desperately wish you can escape your brain. Crawl out of your own skin, be someone who isn’t… Whatever the fuck this is.
“I don’t want to be too much. I don’t want to need constant reassurance. It’s as suffocating for you as it is for me, maybe even more so, because I’m living in my own head, constantly. And it’s not something I can fucking just get out of overnight.”
“I need to end this for my own good.”
Drowning in your own never-ending spiral of negative thoughts.
“Do you even care? Do you still love me? Does any of this even…”
“I’m sorry that/I hate that my brain is wired this way.”
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ed is absolutely panicking in 2x7 bc he’s seeing stede having the time of his life being a famous pirate and he’s genuinely happy for stede but also he wants out of this life and he’s afraid stede will choose piracy over him and so he’s leaving first before stede can leave him again, all of which is bc deep down ed still thinks he’s unlovable and he’s scared to get hurt by stede again and he’s handling everything very badly
all that being said
the fact that ed has already decided that he can’t choose piracy for stede’s sake is so important to me
piracy was slowly killing ed long before stede entered the picture. and now that ed’s decided that he wants warmth and food and orgasms and he wants to live he’s not going to force himself to do a job that makes him fucking miserable. he still might not think he’s worth love and not worth choosing, but he’s at least moved past thinking he deserves to die. he’s past making himself so miserable that he wants to die. ed still has a lot of work to do but he’s making good progress and i’m proud of him.
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I really like (but feel extreme anguish over) the parallel between Finn and Fionna in that they both have 0 impulse control as a form of self harm. Finn-- we know from Together Again -- wants to die so he can see Jake in the afterlife, so he takes on bigger and riskier enemies with a smile on his face because any wound is one step closer. Fionna says herself that she has zero impulse control. She keeps quitting jobs and getting fired for stupid reasons. She hates her life, hates the world she's in, and she's self sabotaging and ruining any chance she has at just getting by because she can't imagine that this worthless toil will be the rest of her life.
Its just a really heartbreaking parallel to me.
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