#that being said I will cry when it's time to wake up at 6am and go to school at the literal ass crack of dawn in mid winter

[satorubi]

#2 : SLUT CERTIFIED ! — eren yaeger

꒱ ➛ CHAPTER SYNOPSIS : the first taste of sluttry.

˚◞♡ who ?? : eren yaeger x black fem! reader

˚◞♡ word count : girl…don’t even ask i lost track </3

˚◞♡ chapter warnings : minors DO NOT interact, mentions of female anatomy, fem! reader using she/her pronouns, somewhat bimbo reader ??? mentions of major asshole connie, mentions of player! connie ꒱ i’m sorry ꒱ , use of profanity, oral penetration, body worship, loss of virginity, mentions of reader crying, pet names such as [ mama, baby, angel, love, pretty girl ] detailed, slow-paced smut, a little bit of a cliffhanger bc i LIVE for drama. ˚◞♡ author’s note : we back we back we backkkk !!! hello and welcome to the second chapter :) BUT FIRSTTT !!!! THANK YOU FOR THE POSITIVITY YOUVE GIVEN ME FOR THIS SERIES I LUV U ALL <33 i know i’ve been very absent and i know y’all have been WAITING. i am actually so sorry, but my mental health was calling my name :/ BUT WE ARE DOING BETTER !!! last but not least, excuse any errors, you guys r the best and i hope u enjoy 🤍 reblogs and interactions are always loved and earns u a smooch

eren stayed over that night. not out of fear of waking you, or to avoid alarming you with the sound of your door creaking open, but because he felt pitiful of himself. if he’d left, you’d know something was wrong. he’d rather be petty and silent than obvious and pissy. besides, if he would’ve left, he wouldn’t have been able to wake up to the smell of fresh eggs, grits, and french toast with a simple side of fruits to top it all off.

eren makes his way out of your guest bedroom, nose following the mouth watering scent of food that polluted the air in your home, “goodmorning, rennie,” he hears you announce, still stirring at a pot sitting on your kitchen stove. his eyes wander, looking at the two plates resting on the kitchen island, as well as the two seats that wait for you both to obtain them.

“morning.”

“someone’s grumpy,” you say, watching him untie the bun in his hair and shake it out as if he were a wet dog, “i made some breakfast…if you’re hungry. you don’t have to eat it..but, um..”

“do you have sugar?”

“what-“

“for the grits.”

you awkwardly laugh, a bit put off by his straightforward demeanor, but choosing not to look into it too much. after all, it was 6AM — a sunday too. you didn’t blame him for lacking a bit of a pep in his step.

“o-oh yeah. um, it’s in the pantry, at the top on the left.” eren’s mood was hard for you to abstruse. you couldn’t tell whether he was angry, sleepy, or just being plain old moody, but deep down you’d hoped it was anything other than the first.

“i thought you hated sugar on grits. last time i gave them to you, you said you would never eat my food again,” you jokingly refer, but he only shrugs like before.

“people change.”

you build the courage to start somewhat of a conversation. this was weird. it was like a stranger was just walking around your house. you could usually hear eren making noise before you in the mornings when he chose to stay the night ; showering early, blasting his playlist as loud as he can to wake you, having more of the zoomies than your hyper cat — but now, he just seemed so .. quiet. eerily quiet.

“so, what do you have planned for today?”

he shrugs, “don’t know.”

the answer was simple, but it seemed to have given you more of a worry than a relief, “well, it’s gonna’ be nice out today. i also saw a strawberry field i wanna’ see. ooh! okay so, we can get lunch, go pick the strawberries, and maybe get icecream afte –“

“i have some rules to add.”

rules? oh, rules. the rules you abruptly created out of fear after he’d made you cum with just the simple movement of his fingers, “okay, uh, great. what’d you wanna’ add?” you wait for him to answer, watching him practically inhale the food off of his plate that you’d just placed down only a few minutes ago.

“for starters, we aren’t a couple, so we aren’t doing couple shit,” he begins, and you immediately want him to retract that sentence. you didn’t know why hearing that gave you an intense pain in your heart, but you hated the feeling, “like holdin’ hands, goin’ on dates, etc.”

“but we – we always hold hands, ren.”

“yeah, but you’re with connie. i don’t think that’s appropriate now, do you?”

oh. using your own words against you. how mature of you, eren.

“no, no. you’re right. i um.. i guess i didn’t think about that one.” you couldn’t look at him. you were almost embarrassed to. not only had you been the reasoning for this tension, but you were the one who was behind the master plan. you were the one who asked him to do this. you were the one who blatantly said it was strictly educational.

you were the one who promised yourself you wouldn’t take it further than it needed to go.

eren was just playing the part.

“i’m gonna’ hold off on the nicknames outside of the bedroom too. don’t wanna’ make you uncomfortable so i should leave all that to your boyfriend, don’t you think?” your tongue runs across your lips, unsure exactly what to say. you had no reason to be upset, especially if you were trying to pursue a relationship with connie.

“heard me?” he asks, shoving the last bit of his food into his mouth.

“you’re being a dick.” his ears raise like a hound, a bit taken back by the authoritarian tone of your voice. eren sits and watches you begin to toss the used pots and pans in the sink, not bothering to wash them — which was nothing like you. you’re turned around, back facing him with your hands left to pick at your fingernails.

“how so?”

“you know, eren, i actually think you should get going. i have a lot of errands that i need to get done before our next session so..” eren clears his throat and doesn’t say much else. your words left a bad taste in your mouth and his — you feeling bad and him feeling worse. it wasn’t that you wanted him to leave. if anything, you wanted him to spend the whole day with you, but knowing that the simple physical tendencies were no longer present in your friendship would drive you crazy. you found comfort in one another — whether it was a touch of a hand or a pat on the back, there was nothing else in the world that could bring you the clarity your platonic love resinated.

but that was gone now.

“when you wanna’ start the next —“

“i’ll come over tonight after my last class. that way we can finish this and i’ll be out of your hair soon enough, like you want.” your demure smile said everything you needed to. eren could read you like a book. he’d obviously agitated you with his petty choice of words, but it didn’t make sense of why. you were the one who wanted rules to begin with, and as of right now, eren could already feel a lump beginning to swell in his throat, “alright then. just hit me when you need me,” he forces out, getting up to grab his things.

you don’t reply, you only watch him leave.

“love you.”

your silence was enough to make him head to the door quicker. he waits a moment by the exit, out of your sight, but sticking around to hear you say it back.

but you don’t.

in fact, you don’t say a single word, at least not until he leaves and is already inches away from your home, unable to hear the slight sorrow in your voice as you wipe away a small tear, “love you too, fuckin’ asshole ..”

after eren’s departure, the house was more silent than it was when he was here. yeah, you technically kicked him out, but if you knew the heartache you’d get from it, you easily would’ve chosen the silently petty route just like he did. you were left to contemplate bout what you could’ve said and done differently, what you could’ve accomplished if you’d just been more patient with him. but then again — eren was cold to you this morning. he seemed to have let his emotions get in the pathway, causing him too to make choices he wouldn’t usually make.

and that’s why you felt the need to see connie. the connie who was the root of of the argument that ruined your monring, the connie who you’d grown so fond of. he was also the same the connie who had showed up to your home rather later than expected though. when you texted him a few hours prior to your class ending, he’d said he could be at your doorstep in ten, but ten turned to twenty, and twenty turned into an hour.

and soon, that hour became three.

you assumed he’d probably gotten caught up at work again ; one of the main enemies in your relationship besides eren. his boss seemed to always be holding him back longer, regardless if his shift was scheduled to end hours prior. it made no sense, but like he always said, ‘more money i make, the more i get to treat you like the princess you are’ — but anyway, you couldn’t exactly hate him for it.

how else would he be able to buy you those cute little pandora charms and pretty mini skirts?

you’re drifted from your thoughts as a notification illuminates your screen and you happily skip toward the front entrance of your home without even having to check to see who it is. connie — standing tall at your doorstep with a pretty bouquet of roses resting in his arm. the diamonds in his studded earrings gleaming in your gaze. his hair was buzzed a bit lower than it was the last time you saw him — now dyed with hearted patterns all around.

he looked good, as always.

“hi, pretty girl,” he greets you cheerfully as if he hadn’t just showed up almost three and a half hours late. you sit there with your arms folded, giving him that same glare you always do when he did these things.

“i know i’m late, baby. i’m sorry! y’know how it is. i just got caught up —“

“at work.” he gives you a sad smile, pinching your cheek and puckering his lips for you to give him a kiss. of course you give in, allowing his lips to press against yours in a quick peck ; which eventually leads to him backing you into through your door and shutting it behind him. his lips felt different — swollen almost, like he’d been kissing someone prior.

“new lipgloss, huh? i like the taste.”

before it could get too heated, your manicured hands find their way to his chest, stopping him before he could move any further, “heyhey, not so fast mr. ‘m still kinda mad at you y’know,” you say, running a finger down his shirt all the way to the hem.

connie kisses his teeth, rolling his eyes a bit, “here the fuck we go again,” he walks away before you can even begin to voice the remainder of your frustration.

“don’t be like that. you’re the one who can’t seem to say no to your manager. you don’t have to work overtime every fucking time she asks, y’know.”

here we go again indeed. he’d only gotten here no less than ten minutes ago, and you both could already find yourselves wanting to be apart, “i have bills to pay. working overtime isn’t gonna’ kill anybody.”

“well it’s killing me! i barely see you anymore, con,” your lips form a frown, connie shaking his head in response.

“and what, that’s all my fault? you’re always at school, or studying, or playin’ footsies with eren every weekend. i should be the one doing all the scolding.”

your eyes widen, tears threatening to spill from them as you swallow deeply, “get out.”

damn, yn. second man you’ve kicked out today in a row. look at you doing god’s work.

“what?”

“i said get out. i don’t wanna’ see you.” you don’t even dare to look his way, too angered and confused to do so. connie doesn’t even try to put up a fight. he immediately starts to grab his keys, almost as if he were waiting for those words to leave your mouth.

“y’know what, cool. talk to me when you’re done with your little tantrum. i don’t have the patience for this shit today.” those last few words spit fire straight into your chest. his words hurt, but seeing him walk out of that door and slamming it behind him without a care in the world hurt worse. the only thing playing in your mind was the painful scene over and over again. the tears that you had managed to suppress earlier had begun to resurface, your vision becoming blurry and the lump in your throat swelling harder than it ever has.

connie had never spoken to you like that before — the lack of giving a fuck very present in his tone of voice. you felt horrible, and confused, and almost regretful about letting him into your home to begin with. this wasn’t the man who was treating to dinner on a rooftop after your hard day all those months ago, neither was this the man who gifted you not one, but two promise rings for your birthday, or the man who you couldn’t stop bragging to your mother about.

this was someone else.

there was a tear in your heart, and fighting this alone would only cut it further. it’s funny, it’s like even when you’re angry at eren you can’t help but to think of him. you can’t help but to vision how badly he would’ve beat connie’s tail if he heard the same words you did.

so, you decide to shamefully push your pride to the side, heading to eren’s earlier than expected — and of course, when you arrive at his doorstep with watery eyes and a puffy nose, his disgruntled expression softens within seconds. you didn’t have to say much, or anything at all really. the faint sounds of sniffles coming from you were explanatory enough. no matter what had happened this morning, or what might’ve been said and done — he was still your best friend. at the end of the day, seeing you smile was the only thing that really kept him going in this life. right or wrong, argument or not, he was there, and he always would be.

anytime, any place.

“you wanna’ tell me what, happened? hm,” his soft voice rumbles, a hand burying your face into the warmth of his chest as you let the tears fall and stain eren’s t-shirt, “it was him wasn’t it?”

the two of you hadn’t yet moved inside. you still stand in the middle of your doorway, rocking from side to side as you let eren ramble on with his theories, “hm? what’d he do to you?”

you cut him off, shaking your head from side to side as you wipe your face, “c-connie and i .. w-we had an argument .. “ you hiccup, incapable of even getting the words out. he knew that. that’s why he continues to comfort you, even with the rush of hearing the devil’s name leave your lips and the amount of anger surfacing to the shore in his mind, your waterworks are the most important right now.

but trust, if he could leave and beat connie’s ass to a pulp he would, but to abandon you in this state would be criminal.

“what’s been goin’ on?”

“it’s a long story.”

“i got all night, love.”

eren was right. he did in fact have all night, and you’d taken that opportunity to tell him everything — connie’s lack of attention, his inability to care, the amount of stupidity you’ve felt for the last few weeks ; he listens closely to every detail, only responding with minimal to no noise as connie clouds his consciousness. eren couldn’t fathom how someone as sweet, kind, and genuine as you could be put through such pain like this. all you’ve ever done is give and give and give, and knowing an insensitive bastard could fuck all of that up for you made his blood boil.

“i just don’t get it, y’know. i-i mean he was so sweet to me when i met him. always wanting to be around me, making the effort to see me — i just don’t know w-what changed,” you express, fingers swiping away the tears that stained your puffy cheeks and swollen doe eyes.

he expresses his concern with just a simple huff, chewing on his bottom lip as he waits for you to finish your sentence. eren knew the answer. it was as easy as two plus two, but explaining it to someone as attached to connie as you would be almost impossible to persuade you to believe the truth — which was that he was just no good for you. eren wished — no, he dreamt you didn’t see his constructive criticism as jealousy, but then again, it was easy to portray it that way.

“he’s always been this way, yn — inconsiderate. he’s just gotten better at keeping it hidden longer.”

eren was expecting some sort of defense to come out of your mouth, but you don’t give it to him. instead, you obtain the somber expression of gloom casting over your usual sunny skied face.

as much as he wanted to tell you the blatant truth, eren quickly remembered that the power of words were truly bigger than man, “look, y’know how i feel about the guy, but if you really truly want my advice — from a friend’s perspective, i say you start lookin’ out for you. i know you like him n’ all, but you gotta’ start caring about your well being more. he’s putting you through hell right now and he doesn’t even have the decency to check on you.”

you nod because, well, it was true. eren was completely in the right. it was always about connie and moving on his time, but in reality, a relationship can’t ever even begin to work when both parties aren’t putting forth the effort. like the famous truth, ‘if he wanted to, he would’ but that was the thing with connie. there was no sense of want in this relationship unless it was coming from you. it was a hard pill to swallow, but these past five months with him had been purely carried by your energy and your energy alone.

if anything, it was a miracle he’d been around this long.

“i just don’t understand what i did wrong ..”

his blood boils all over again, a sheer amount of red on his flushed ears as eren can already feel himself becoming angry for the second time tonight. wrong? what you did wrong? how dare he — how dare he make you think so poorly about yourself? was connie insane — seriously, eren had to genuinely think. a woman having to second guess herself in general was horrid, but you? the woman he’s carefully watched sprout into a vivid, forever blooming flower since the small age of 9? the same woman who deserved the world in the palm of her hands?

nah, no way.

“don’t piss me off. for real, don’t.”

“m’ not trying to .. just think maybe i —“

“you really wanna’ sit in front of me and speak ill on yourself like you aren’t one of the most beautiful women i’ve ever laid my eyes on? and m’ not even talkin’ just physically — fuck that. m’ talkin’ spiritually, mentally — you don’t even realize your worth, mama.”

you let out a mix of a laugh and a scoff, “you really think that about me?” eren dramatically throws his head back, and places his hand on his chest, causing you to smile for the first time in a few hours.

“think? you serious? i know what i’m saying. he’d be a fuckin’ imbecile to lose you.” you don’t dare to stop his tangent, especially after hearing what’s to come out of his mouth next, “you’re sweet, you’re intelligent, charismatic, and prettier than you’ll ever begin to know. you’re ...” he stops himself, picking at the black polish on his fingernails, “perfect.”

you both look at one another, both of your eyes meeting at the same point as your breathing patterns become unsteady, the thickness of the air starting to become rather suffocating. eren’s words were delivered with such ease, and it wasn’t even in his usual, corny smooth talking manner. you could tell how much he’d regretted letting that sentence exit his brain though. his head was held downward, a scene of his chest rising and falling as the regret began to evolve into worry.

“you’re so sweet to me. ‘like you have a crush on me or somethin’.” your joke flies right over your head, because well, you knew damn well that would be one of the craziest things reality could throw at you. eren on the other hand, only lets out a forced laugh, playfully shoving your arm.

“mmch. whatever, mutherfucker.”

once your laugh diles down, there’s a comfortable silence in the room before you clear your throat and address the elephant in the room — the elephant that's been sitting quietly in the corner but had been aggressively knocking at the door in your mind over and over again for the last ten hours.

“eren..”

he turns to you again, those pretty eyes finding their focus in yours, “hm?”

“i’m sorry about this morning .. i should’nt have y’know .. kicked you out.”

“nah, it’s nothin.’ i know we just gotta’ get used to this whole thing. i should’ve just respected your rul —“

“but i kissed you back last night,” you interject, “i just…reacted badly, and i- i didn’t know how to respond to that. we’ve never been ...”

“that close before.” you’re eyes meet his once he finishes your sentence for you. eren’s were low, but still pleading as if he was waiting for the next few words that were scheduled to leave your mouth any moment now. yours were reddened — probably from the enormous amount of tears you’d shed throughout the time of connie’s departure, but also from the fact that you hadn’t blinked in a few seconds, not wanting to miss a single second of the sight of him in front of you.

“i’m still curious, y’know … i haven’t been the best student, but i’m still willing to learn some more.”

“i’ll do whatever you want me to do. just say the word.” his mouth was held open long enough to catch flies, and his steady breaths were morphing into a soft hyperventilation. you don’t say a word. neither does he. you both just send each other that look — the same look that was shared when he was on his knees devouring you not too long ago.

you take usage in his words, “i … i want you to kiss me, eren.” you’re scared to move. not only because of the amount of anxiety running through your body right now, but from eren’s physical reaction. he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“but last night you said –“

“i know what i said.”

he tilts his head, eyes not leaving your lips as the rush of kissing them begins to come back to him. he missed it. he missed it so much, and god, what he would give to feel them again, “lemme’ hear you again.”

“i-i want you to kiss me,” you repeat, and you take notice of the look on his face. his eyebrows were furrowed, nose almost as close to yours as it was the night before, “please kiss me, eren.”

“again,” he instructs, and you do. you keep repeating those words until his nose is brushing against yours, along with your foreheads pressed against one another’s — both too scared to find yourselves as desperate for each other as you were last night. eren hears your whispers, the sound of your sweet voice begging him to kiss you making his heart feel all the more swollen.

“can i?”

instead of answering his question with a sentence, you answer it with the thing you’d been wishing to do for the past twenty four hours — you kiss him, and you kiss him gently. your lips felt like dainty feathers tickling his own as your hands found their way to either side of his face. eren doesn’t question you, because he too was feeling the sparks flying over his head just like the first time. he still had his arms resting on the back of the couch, not yet touching you in fear of crossing the line — although, there were about to be many lines crossed tonight, that was only one many that he needed to be worrying about.

you want to feel him, you want him to feel you, and you start to whimper when you notice him pull away for a split second, but you go quiet when he pulls you into his lap by your waist. you fit so perfectly in his grasp, his hands firmly gripping your love handles while you try your best not to hunch your body against his.

but that was becoming impossible.

his cock was right underneath you, hard and clothed — his deep denim jeans poking at your ass as you sit. you hadn’t yet resumed kissing, but this was far more enjoyable. eren’s hands rest on your thighs and the moment he feels you drag your clothed cunt along his lap, he groans — loudly, too.

the shorts you had on were thin enough for eren to feel your folds rubbing on him, and your missing underwear underneath didn’t do him any justice. he was trying hard – so fucking hard not to completely forget that he needed to take his time with you. there was only one thing stopping eren from pulling his dick out and fucking up into you like his life depended on it, and that was the fact that you were new to all of this.

the same realizations from before boggle his mind again, “please tell me what you want from me, yn. you’re drivin’ me fuckin’ crazy right now.” ashamed, eren shuts his eyes at the sound of his own desperation, yet you were equally as desperate as he was. both of you were fighting the urge from tearing one another apart – your reasoning being the fear of feeling those butterflies tumble around in your tummy again. it was wrong. you weren’t supposed to get those around him. he was just eren – your longtime, bittersweet, lovable bestfriend. you shouldn’t have wanted him in this way.

but you did, and you still do. and there was nothing in sight that could change that.

“i want you inside me..”

that’s when you felt a thump underneath you. you lightly gasp, surprised at the feeling but also aroused. something kicks inside of you, and you kiss him — yet again. eren almost immediately gives in this time, refusing to feed into his hesitation as previous. the kiss is messy and the motion is quick, but your hips – oh those hips, were moving slowly.

“you have no clue what you do to me.”

you nip at his lips again, “show me. what do i do, eren?” you keep winding your hips as you continue to taunt him with your lust filled eyes. your back arches and your globes poke out just a bit, the middle of your shorts pushing against your clit, “i can feel you. you’re so hard.. i-is all of that from me?”

that last line most definitely was your confidence talking, and although those jitters were still present, the power of your body taking over you.

“hold on to me.”

eren abruptly starts to rise up, and with you in his arms, he carries you down the corridor to his bedroom, which is on the right. as soon as you proceed in, you notice the distinct smell of his musk and a tiny candle burning in the corner of his bookshelf. your back touches his black, satin sheets as he lays you on the bed, making you shudder due to their chilly temperature.

eren continues to place small kisses all over your legs. you hadn’t yet seen his face since he laid you down, given how eager he was for his lips to be on your skin again, he was practically swimming in your aura, “you are so beautiful …” he mumbles, kissing your calf and up to your ankle. eren then gathers both of your legs, pulling you forward enough to where your ass was hanging halfway off of the mattress as your upper half lays prettily before him.

there he is, on his knees for you yet again.

“i can’t believe it get to touch you like this,” you close your eyes feeling his lips press against the pudge just above your pussy, too easily flustered to even dare look at him, “in all of your glory … bare just for me to see.” his lashes bat in a daze, a breathy laugh leaving his lips when he sees your hips squirm under his contact. you were so worked up, such an easy button to push — but time, time is what this would take.

“e-eren, you’re teasing …”

“am i? or are you too nervous to tell me what you want so much that you’re willin’ to sit there and let me frustrate you like this?” his pixelated eyes hold a menacing glare with yours, but you’re too busy trying to fix your gaze upon anything other than him. the way he was taunting you during your first time was sickening, stimulatingly sickening.

“i want you …”

“what was that?”

“ ‘want you eren, fuck! just do something already!”

eren releases a chuckle and pats your thigh twice, “that’s my girl.” after he says this he wastes no more time diving in. eren starts off with a wife tongue lick to your cunt, beginning at your ass, then slowly licking his way up to your clit before wrapping both lips around the swollen area. he had yet to tie his hair back, so to your advantage, your hands run through his coffee locks. you pull and scratch, making him grumble against you with pleasure.

you hate to admit that you missed the glee you got from feeling him lick you. but something so wrong felt so fucking right. it didn’t help that eren was practically a god when it came to eating pussy. he was treating you as if you weren’t still new to the feeling, but you loved it. you craved it. you needed it.

“t-that feels so fuckin’ g-good, ren- ohh!” your hips move in sync with his mouth, rubbing your cunt against his face as he follows your path, “waitwait – oh fuck!” you’re losing it, and you’re starting to lose your patience along with that sanity. he was slurping, kissing, licking and penetrating your pussy with his tongue and he had no remorse while doing so.

“awe, baby, you’re so wet … all that from me?” he mocks your previous words with a smirk, and that’s when eren slips a finger in without warning, and to be honest, there was no need to. if anything, you needed to be warning him for the messy orgasm you were tiptoeing around, “you get so tight when i use my hands, don’t you? so cute .. think you’re bout’ to cum for me already.”

“yesss! yes, i wan’ cum. i wanna’ cu-f-fuck,” his fingers tickle your gummy walls along with the impact from the tip of his tongue flicking against your clit — creating the perfect combination for nothing but pure bliss, “don’t make me beg for it, angel. just let go for me. give me all of it ..” his encouragement was doing its damn thing — the knot in your belly starting to untie itself on eren’s behalf. your body begins to convulse, jolting around and twisting all the which of ways he hoped it would.

“b-baby .. eren … i’m fucking c-cummingugh – oh!” eren quickly intertwined his hand in yours as you squeeze his knuckles for support through your life changing orgasm. you were too busy making the flesh on his hand turn pale from how hard you were holding on to notice the pet name that casually came out of you.

“yeah .. yeah, let it go just like that ...”

as he says this, you start to panic when you feel the certain pressure of your bladder being full. his finger is still working your hole, not pulling away for anything or anyone — not even you. eren sees your small hands trying to pry his own away, but he simply stops you by restraining the same hand pushing him, “r-ren, i don’t- i don’t know what’s — please, oh my ..” you babble.

“i know, baby. i know.” he holds eye contact with you, feeling your walls begin to tighten around his fingers yet again. that’s when he moves faster, jabbing his finger in and smoothly adding another to completely rupture you. his hand was cramping, but he could take that on any day if it meant he’d be able to see you fall apart, “you’re there. you’re right there, you feel that?”

eren’s question not only earns a loud whine from you, but it finishes you off completely. so much so that you couldn’t even pronounce a single word. the only thing you could begin to make out was his name, and even then, it was just hoarse whines and sappy gibberish. you don’t see it, but he does. he sees it all — the spurts of your cum covering his hand, the way your chest rose and fell with each unsteady breath, your eyes looking into the back of your skull with your lips parted softly — you were fucking breathtaking.

“good fuckin’ girl,” eren huffs, dragging his fingers from out of your walls. as soon as he does, he gently pets your pussy, soothing the sore area with his hand as he uses the weight of one elbow to lean over and place kisses onto your temple. your body is still coming down from its peak, and your vision was still foggy — but you still needed him. you still craved his touch like you had a sweet tooth.

“you okay? didn’t hurt you did i?”

“n-no. more, ren, i just wan’ more …” your pleading eyes search for his lips, and once you find them, you inch closer by default. eren seals it for you, pressing his plumped ones onto your own. you feel the same fingers that were inside you creep up to your chin, then lips — trails of your wet essence lingering on your skin, “are you sure, yn?”

you bite your lower lip and nod slowly, running your hand up and down his bare chest, “ ‘m sure .. please — i wanna’ feel you.” there’s one more peck shared before he gets up. rising to his 6’4 frame, hovering over your resting body as his hands scramble to remove his belt. one loop after another, your heart rate induces, seeing the v-line that threatened to spill from his pants as he finally reaches the buttons on those suffocating jeans and you’re forced to finally take in his physique while you wait.

you knew eren was built. he always had been, but ever since he’d taken on the job as a mechanic, you could see him gradually grow stronger over time. all of that heavy lifting and damn near bending over backwards to fix outdated and damaged vehicles good as new was a tough job, but he made it look so easy. it wasn’t until now that you could actually get a good look at him. he’d abandoned that coltish, leaned look back in highschool, now carrying the weight of broad shoulders and a barrel chested front. you couldn’t help but to stare, especially with him having abs sharp enough to be a blade.

“stop eye-fuckin’ me. you’re making me nervous,” eren shyly grins as he continues to strip off his clothes. what you weren't anticipating was the sizable cock that was about to emerge from his black hannes boxers in a matter of seconds. you watch as eren’s thumbs gently pull the cloth of the waistband over the broad girth that sits inside of his underwear. when he’s finally freed, you can hear him lightly hiss, and his dick practically springs out like a door hinge against a wall. it was thick, inches galore, and hard as fuck by the looks of it. your eyes follow the blueish greenish veins petruding from the base of him all the way up to the rosey, strained tip. it looked so soft at the touch, so pent up, so … edible.

you watch as he moves over to his nightstand, snagging one of the condoms from it and ripping it open with his teeth. as soon as you see him lower his hands to his cock, you stop him, “can- can i put it on?” he pauses his movements, a bit taken back by your question but not exactly opposed to it — the thought of your soft hands coming into contact with his dick was a vision he’d give anything to see.

“yes-yeah, go for it,” he nods, handing it off, stepping closer into your vicinity to make it easier for you, “do you know how to put it o – aw .. f-fuck waitwaitwait -“ eren didn’t need to finish his sentence, because once your cold fingers wrapped around his base he was in heaven. your grasp was so light, but the feeling of your hand on him felt so heavy. it was taking everything he had not to cum from the act of your touch alone.

you, on the other hand, were in awe, taking the rubber in one hand, holding his frustrated dick in the other while you ease the material around his shape. eren let’s go of a small groan, throwing his head back as his belly pokes forward and back in at the pace of his breathing.

you were amazed.

“oh my god ..”

so amazed that you didn’t mean to say that aloud, “what? what’s wrong?”

“nothing .. you’re just … big.”

he shyly, and nervously laughs, “what, don’t think it’ll fit?” if you were speaking by just the looks of it — no, it didn’t look like it’d fit. you were a virgin for crying out loud, that thing looked like a fucking weapon.

“hmm, m’ a brave girl i’ll be fine. i promise. i would tell you if i wasn’t,” you ease. eren nods, looking down at you as you blink your pretty falsies up at him with a smile on your face, “now hurry before i dry out.”

he shakes his head and laughs at your attempt at humoring the mood, but that laugh fades once you spread your legs for him again. eren looks down at you, looking at your sprawled out figure in awe. you still had your shirt on. no bra, so simple to see your hardened nipples through your baby pink tee. you looked so pretty, so needy, and so ready to take him like this wasn’t your first time around.

“i know you’re excited, but please, yn, tell me if i’m making you uncomfortable or if m’ hurtin you. i don’t care if it’s the smallest touch, please. tell. me.”

“mkay.”

“yn, for real. if you aren’t comfortable, punch me or pinch me or someth —“ ”

the amount of concern in his tone humors you, giggling a bit as you say, “i know, eren. i said okay,” he gives you his eyes once more before beginning to climb on top of you, your thigh being skimmed by the tip of his cock as he places both of his arms on either side of your head. he’s so close now. not on his knees, or beside you, or somewhere in front of you — no, he was right here. face to face so much so that his shaky breaths trickle your nose as he tries his best to keep his breathing steady.

eren balances back on his knees as he grabs ahold of his cock, tugging at it a little so that precum coats his tip and fingers as lubricant. you were already wet, but he needed to make this somewhat easy — he had to, for your sake and his. hurting you just wasn’t something he had on his agenda. so he takes the extra mile to make sure — a glob of saliva falling from his mouth and onto his condom covered base as he strokes it.

“f-fuck …” he moans, swallowing as his thumb runs over the pumping vein just before his tip, and once he’s done prepping himself, he sits his cock directly onto your belly — the tip of it stopping just at your shimmery-pierced bellybutton. he shakes his head from side to side, gassed at the knowledge of knowing how deep he’d be inside of you, “ima’ slide it in, okay?”

you nod at his words, and when you do, you wrap your arms around his neck, “deep breaths. take deep breaths for me.” you hear him, and you do what he tells you, inhaling and exhaling as you feel eren’s cock sit right at your folds, “i’ll give you just the tip for right now, okay ..” a whine gets caught in your throat as he rubs himself in between them, your wetness making a pretty sound that fills his ears with lust. he even taps it on the surface a little bit, a small ‘pat pat’ — testing the waters, seeing just how arroused you’d gotten from him and only him.

“m’ gonna take care of you, i promise.”

“you always do, ren.”

he kisses your temple, then your cheek and nose, “you ready?”

your chest rises and falls with one last deep breath, your head falling back onto the pillow behind you, “ready.”

eren hears your consent and it slowly begins — the first attempt at easing himself past that first barrier with as much care as he could. your body flinches and you whince, and almost immediately eren starts to remove himself from your entrance, but you stop him, “ ‘m okay, ren, ‘m okay. just feels so ..”

“different?”

“yeah .. d-different,” he looks at you for approval again and you give it to him, your eyes dropping down to look in between your legs as you see that you still have so much more to go. this was just the tip, and even then, it still wasn’t all the way in. how difficult would it be to take the full thing? no matter how soft his strokes were or how painless he could try and make the process be, eren was huge — and with a curve too. you’d be lucky if you got out of this without a limp tomorrow morning.

“we can take it slow, okay? don’t strain yourself, just take me slow … ” when his palm touches the side of your face, his thumb brushing your bottom lip, you almost immediately feel a tiny bit of relief. you nod and you sense him once more, his tip piercing your skin and leaving a sting in its wake. it was a painful stretch, no doubt about it. out of every account you've heard of losing your virginity, you can infer that after this point, everything really just depended on that individual person. you’d heard mixed opinions, and you’d always assumed the worst. but honestly, in this moment, you could only come to the conclusion that it all depended on the sensual nature of you and your partner’s relationship.

yes, you were in pain, but you were so drawn to eren that you wanted to push through it. “a-aah- oh my— fuck!” your eyes are shut so tightly that you start to see white spots in the inside of your eyelids. you feel eren’s hand reach down to your clit, trying to steer the uncomfortable stretch away from you by rubbing small, kind circles repeatedly as you huff and let out strangled whines.

“you okay? you wan’ me to stop?”

you shake your head, “nonono — just .. h-hurts ren.” he feels your nails clawing at his forearms. you, on the other hand, not even realizing your fingers were leaving deep crescent marks on his flesh. he didn’t mind it though, not at all. in fact —

“bite me. scratch me — do whatever you need to do, baby ..” eren’s forehead was already beginning to perspire as he spoke, and his hips were carefully advancing to slowly deliver you every inch — although, he was rather heartbroken to witness your reactions, “i just need you to feel good.” your pain was almost too much for him, almost enough to make him want to call this whole thing off, but on your word, he continues. he continues to watch your every move as your eyes sit on the verge of watering whilst his cock softly splits you in half. you heed his advise, lifting your neck a little for you to bite down on his shoulder and leave marks in your wake.

he continues to guide himself in while his palm rests on the back of your head, pulling you in closer into his neck as he whispers into your ear, “just a little more to go, my love. you’re almost – shit – there.”

“r-ren … nnn – f-fuck!”

“i know, sweet girl. i know.”

he kisses you to divert your attention away while the stray tears on your face fall to your lips, the tang of salt hitting both of your taste buds. you push through the pain and let him give you a little bit more. before you bottle up your next set of cries — he’s fully in, and when he is, you can see the small bulge in your belly from his cock when you look down. eren patiently allows himself to sit deeply in your warmth, letting your whimpers simmer down as you become more and more used to the full feeling in your tummy, “there you go. nice n’ slow, let it sink in just l-like that …” your mouth is held open, and the only sounds that can be heard from you were small gasps of relief from finally getting the hard part over with.

“well would you look at that? you did it, s-see?” he shudders, mainly speaking to you, but also patting himself on the back for not cumming within the first ten seconds of being inside you.

“i-i did, didn’t i?” your hand hovers over the spot on your stomach, rubbing the area where you feel him most. he watches you closely, he too, stunned from reality hitting him right in the chest like a wrecking ball, “s-shit, eren … ‘s so deep.”

eren jeager was inside you.

and eren jaeger was about to fuck the shit out of you.

“does everything feel okay? didn’t hurt you too much did i?” you shake your head, taking in a deep breath as you close your eyes, “you still with me, yn?”

“yesyes, ‘m here.” eren takes this as an opportunity to wipe your tears with his thumbs, sending a quick kiss to your lips while smiling. you’d gotten through the hard part, and now? now it was time for the highly anticipated fun, “y-you can start moving now …” eren hears your voice softly say. he gives you that look you knew rather well — that look of ‘are you sure’ knowing damn well you were more sure than you’ve ever been about anything before. you gladly give it to him, cheekily grinning a bit as you nod your head up and down.

eren gradually sits up on his knees, palming the backs of your thighs softly as he peers down at your figure under him, still snugged comfortably inside of you. he was plainly freaking out and, to put it mildly, astonished. when his eyes met yours, that’s when the air felt heavier than it already was, along with the same feeling of fluttering butterflies in his tummy dancing along to the beat of his racing heart.

he begins to move in the direction and pace you want, slowly pulling his cock in and out of you, scared of hurting you still even after hearing you repeat ‘im okay’ to him over and over again. you attentively observe his furrowed eyebrows and bitten lip, and the sight causes your walls to swell and pulse. the ache that had almost felt intolerable a few minutes ago had begun to eventually subside, leaving you simply with a tickling sensation now.

“god .. yn - fuck..” he pants, steadily swinging his pelvis straight into the back of your thighs as his balls slap lightly against your ass, “pussy’s s-so tight, mama ..” he wasn’t lying at all. in fact, you were squeezing him so tightly that he had to use enough force to pull himself out of you. he hisses, feeling the wind get knocked out of his chest by just looking at how well you were doing. he was so proud of you, filled with so much elation while being inside of you that it almost felt like a dream he would’ve never thought would come to life.

“ ‘ssss .. it feels — eren … please —”

“feels like what, hm? tell me all about it ..” the tone of eren’s voice is soft enough to soothe you some more, but deep enough to bring you to unintentionally clench around him. your warm walls smothering his cock, and your eyes watching him move in and out of you as your chest heaves.

“feel s’ full,” you babble and he hissed out a laugh. that’s when you spread your legs wider, feeling comfortable enough to get into the hang of it. although you were new to this, you found yourself suddenly wanting more.

“mhm, pussy’s eatin’ my fuckin’ dick up, isn’t she? you feel so goddamn good …” eren keeps his steady pace, delivering deep, slow, strokes to your cunt before sitting up to lightly massage your calves and feet. he keeps eye contact with you, and even though yours refuse to keep their focus on his, he doesn’t stop. he doesn’t stop losing himself in both you and your battered pussy, squeaking with every dirty line leaving his lips. your arms reach out to wrap themselves around his neck, and he easily picks up on your gesture — now hovering directly on top of you, balancing himself on one forearm while his opposite hand grips at the headboard above you — minimizing the weight of his body on yours.

“sh-shit — ouuu, eren!”

for a moment, there’s only silence in the room. besides your minimal breathing and eren’s small groans that he failed to suppress were the only sounds that could be heard through an echo. both of you bask in one another’s presence while you let the tranquility of the moment steer you of to sea. “h-harder, ren .. please, harder,” you lightly tap his shoulder with your fingers to gather his attention, eyes batting rapidly as you try to keep consciousness from the amount of pleasure you were feeling.

“harder? baby, you look like you can barely keep your eyes open,” he laughs attentively, looking down at the droplets of sweat beginning to fall down the sides of your face. yeah, he was right, you could barely open your eyes, but you had enough strength to flutter them and give him an annoyed, yet needy, glance.

a soft sigh escapes his lips and that’s when he seizes your request, pushing his cock further into you — as deep as it could go and then right back out again, a suckle being left behind. you whine — no, you scream, “oouh - fuck, eren, just like t-that,” almost loud enough to send a concerned expression to eren’s face, but when you claw at his biceps he soon realizes it was a scream of pure ecstasy.

“ah, shit. yeahyeahyeah, talk to me, baby. you’re takin’ it so fucking good ..” his tone is taunting and well past just casual dirty talk. he was digging deep, verbally and physically, saying shit just to bring a reaction out of you — curious of what he could say and do to make you squirm and sniffle around him, “greedy lil’ pussy. takin’ me in so easily on her first run — you’re bein’ so good to me, princess.”

“ren — oh my god … r-right there, right there, right there — shit, eren!” his words had gone right over your head. too lost in the the way he dips his hips deep into your core to even dare to speak anything more than a string of moans. your lips form a pout, and your eyes roll to the back of your head when you suddenly feel eren’s tip poking right at your g-spot — which, he proudly didn’t take very long to discover. you didn’t know it yet, but the constant pressure against your womb would be building up soon — creating a rather diabolical sensation for both your mind and body all in one.

“where? right here?” the question is followed by a strong, but still conscious thrust. slow, yet powerful. steady, but mighty — eren now driving himself into you right where you wanted him, “awe, baby, did i find your spot? like when my dick kisses you right here, don’t you?” you can’t speak, nor can you begin to fathom why on earth eren was making you feel so lightheaded. disregarding the pleasure and the present circumstances, you felt alive. you felt like you couldn’t get this amount of euphoria from anything or anyone.

it wasn’t just the movement of his hips, or the nasty serenading words leaving his mouth, or even those angelic eyes that held an untold story — no no, it was the amount of emotion he brought you. the amount of love he’s shown you. the way he held you with such grace and tenderness like you were easy to shatter. it was all too surreal. the feeling, the gestures, the warmth — everything .. he was everything.

“faster! faster, please eren — nnnn y- you’re so deep ..” you clench around him, your pussy sucking him in more and more as he continues to drive you into shambles. your eyes travel down, focusing on the way he had to pull in and out of you with more force than needed simply because of how hard you were squeezing him. with each passing thrust, you could see his tip poking at your tummy over and over, forming a bulge right below your belly button.

“aah, shhhit, gonna’ make me fuckin’ cum, b-baby.” he nervously snickers, trying to hold on as much as a could, and god was it hard. eren could almost find himself becoming overwhelmed. there were too many things to focus on — between your expressions, lustrous eyes, and small grunts — he could cum right then as he spoke.

“o-oh, so close .. c-close, m’ so close rennie .. please let m-me cum with you ..”

you have a siren voice, one of command and alluring undertones like you were singing a symphony to pull anyone into a trance — and that’s exactly what you did. you words had much power, and eren suddenly feels a knot untying in his belly, the same knot as you. you both huff and puff, whispering small praises to one another like you’ve been in love for ages now.

your hands reach the sides of his face, carefully pulling him in closer for a kiss. you feel him meet you half way, closing the space between you both by kissing you like you were an an antidote he so desperately needed. he tugs on your bottom lip softly, closing his eyes and melting into you as he tries his hardest to bring you both to the finish line.

“c’mon, baby, c’mon. cum with me — cum all over this dick,” eren unconsciously fastens his hips, sending strong, and now sloppy, thrusts to you. you feel him deep, deep in your stomach. so much that you feel the urge to push against his toned tummy due to the overwhelming power he had over your body, “nah, don’t run. t-take it just how you were. i know you wanna’ let it go ..”

“eren .. i’m cumming, baby … i’m cumming — oh god …” your eyes slam shut and your swollen clit is caught by eren’s thumb as he rubs circles over the agitated flesh. the wet squelching sound of your cunt was almost loud enough to drown out your moans as you find yourself shakily wetting up eren’s dick, “renrenren, wai — unngh!” your legs stutter closed and he opens them right back up, only this time, grabbing onto your hips and fucking you at an angle to carry you all the way to the end.

you push your head back deep into the plushed pillow underneath your neck, bawling your fists as the commotion in your stomach is finally fulfilled. there are tears in your eyes, followed by desire and pleasure — not to mention the creamy noise of your pussy sucking in eren’s dick with no problem, “y-yyes .. yesyesyes — erennn!”

he’s quiet — or rather focused, concentrating on your trembling figure while feeling his own orgasm begin to pool over rapidly, “fuckin’ christ,” he groans hoarsely, his hips bucking as he’s cumming deep into the condom that would soon threaten to burst from the amount of essence he would let go. eren’s body nearly smothers your own as he loses his balance, hugging you close as he finishes. he buries his head in the crevice between your neck and shoulder, drool pooping from his mouth and onto your skin as he tries his best not to go limp.

his thrusts are slow to none, body shaking from the overstimulation. you press your chest against his, your nipples still stoned from earlier while you embrace him through his climax. you’re breathing hard, and so is he — lost in one another’s eyes as a million thoughts begin to crowd around you both. eren studies your ancy hips that still wiggled for more as he kisses your collarbone, down your chest and all around your stomach. he’s still inside of you, snugged deep along your walls with his tip puckering against your cervix. you felt sore, yet still so needy even after cumming all over both his dick, and his fresh sheets beneath you.

“jesus .. yn that was —“

“so fucking good.”

eren nods, his wet lips placing kisses on both of your cheeks while his calloused hands cradle your head, “yes, so fuckin’ good — you were .. so fuckin’ good,” he holds you close as he pulls himself out, grunting into your ear as your pussy still clenches down onto him without much effort. once he’s out, woe and behold, he slides off his messy condom and tosses it into the trash can near you both. before you knew it, eren was heading straight toward the bathroom, with you in his arms — bridal style. he carries you straight to the tub, ushering you to sit on the toilet and pee right before deciding to run a mixture of warm and semi cool temperatured water.

“i know how i can be .. was i too rough? y’know .. besides the beginning?” there’s a puppy dog look in his eyes when he asks this. your eyes trace the small tattoos on his fingers, those same fingers grazing the flesh on your inner thighs as eren wipes away the made you’d both made with a hot cloth first. he looked so sleepy — and how couldn’t he be given the amount of effort he’d put into making you feel the best that you possibly could. he cared so much, almost too much — so gentle and patient, light with every touch and phrase.

“don’t think too much, you were everything i could ever ask for ..”

scooping you up again, he places you in the bath that’d been calling your name since he made you finish the first time tonight. he shrugs and shakes his head as a smile creeps up on his lips, “psh, you’re just talkin’ ..”

“nono, seriously. thank you for being so sweet about .. all of this,” eren attentively pays close attention to your words, his hands now caressing your legs and french-tip painted toes as he sits next to the tub, watching your lips move to the speed of your words — slow and endearing. he studies the moister of them, wishing to take them into his mouth yet again, “you’ve been so kind to me — and patient, i feel like i-i can’t thank you enough with words.”

he sits for a moment, letting you get used the to the water, but obviously taken aback by your words. he was already trying to detach himself from the emotions he could feel bubbling in his chest the minute he pulled out, but you were just making it so fucking hard. you were in his house, in his bathtub, and would soon be wearing his clothes to sleep for the night — and all eren could think about was how he’d give up anything to make this a regular occurrence. he liked taking care of you. he liked being around you. he liked feeling you and letting you feel every inch of him — but most importantly, and probably most controversially, he liked you.

eren liked you, a lot.

but to say that sentence aloud would be a nightmare. professing his feelings in the heat of a moment like this could lead him right back to where you both were earlier this morning ; awkward, angry, confused — it was too much. if keeping silent meant keeping the peace, then that’s exactly what he’d do.

“hey hey, i don’t need ‘thank you’s’, yn. just doin’ you a favor remember? if anything i should be thankful you trusted me enough .. y’know, with all this. i know it might not have been your ideal first time but …”

it’s quiet now, but you smile, “it was perfect, eren. it was nothing less than perfect.”

the clock reads 1AM and you’ve fallen asleep in eren’s arms yet again for the second night in a row, snuggled into his chest as the sound of his beating heart soothes you like a soothing lullaby. he listens to the sound of your light snores while inhaling the mouth watering scent of the vanilla body wash he’d used on you, dozing off a bit as he grows excitedly anxious from the thought of you being the first person he would be seeing in the morning.

there you were ; laying on his bed, under his sheets, in his arms. you were freshly bathed, courtesy to eren splashing you with water and bubbles during the two hour long bath he’d given you — most of that time spent talking about any and everything with one another rather than cleaning you up, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

there was moment where he thought he could really get used to this — feeling your body fall into in his warmth so effortlessly while whispering sweet melodies into your ear. he felt like there was nothing on planet earth that could ruin this moment.

well, that was until his phone rattled against his nightstand, buzzing with three rounds of texts and two missed calls from no other than the villain himself — connie.

connie fucking springer.

the first text could be traced back to when you’d first arrived at eren’s doorstep.

bald man 9:52PM

yo i gotta talk to you about some shit.

the second, you were too busy moaning out in pleasure for eren to even think about reaching for his damn phone.

bald man 11:01PM

are u alive? i know i fucked up at poker but damn bro

bald man 1:15AM

i know ur awake fucker. come outside your place im already parked. hurry up before i have to walk my ass up there and drag you out my damn self.

eren’s eyes flicker to the time on his phone, at the text, then back at you again, the time reading 1:20AM.

bald man 1:20AM

i know she’s in there. i saw her car parked a few spots over open your fuckin door.

#🏹 : saturn’s writing — #HIIII HIII HIIII #FINALLY SATURN DAMN LIKE #okay yall but we here fr #eren x reader #eren yaeger smut #eren x black reader #eren x fem!reader #eren x you #snk eren #eren yeager

[dameronology]

moment's passed (matt murdock)

summary: based on say don't go by t.swift (x)

warnings: excessive use of the f-word. angst.

this is one of the from the vault songs that just fucking HITS me. i have been crying to this since it came out tbh. i hope you enjoy xx

-jazz

You had Matt Murdock.

Until you didn't.

Things had been sweet at first; he was a weathered lawyer who needed some light in his life. Somebody to come home to; somebody to properly love for the first time in his fucking life. It wasn't like the high he was chasing with Eletkra Natchios, or the familiarity he'd sought out with Karen Page. He got both things from your relationship, but you were...different. You gave him highs; you could make him feel like he was home and on a rollercoaster all at once. It was a feeling Matthew wanted to keep for the rest of his life. He would have been stupid not to. But wasn't that the thing about Matt? He was incredibly smart, but also incredibly fucking stupid. Almost bound to take someone for granted. He'd done it with Foggy, hadn't he? 

Five years. That was how long you made it before cracks began to appear in your foundations. You'd loved Matt for his Daredevil side at first; maybe he could go too far, but he'd always known when to stop (right?) and you admired him for it. For his bravery, for his candor, for the way he protected the city. It was like a dark and sexy secret that you prided yourself on keeping. It tied you together. You were part of it now. You were the person that Matt could come to about his darkest fears and worst nights. You were the person whose side he would curl up into during the night, craving someone to protect him for once. There was always the worry that he would go into deep and truly lose himself, but every time Matt found himself on the precipice of doing so, you would be there to hold him back - to keep him sane and to stop him letting Matt Murdock and Daredevil blur into one person. 

You were only a human being, though. So was he. Matt could save the city and everything in it but you couldn't save him from himself. Save him from coming home at 6AM - your agreement had always been 3AM at the latest - and sliding into bed beside you without a word, or save him from waking up in a bad mood and refusing to talk to you about it. No matter how many times you begged him to just spend one night in, or to not leave himself three hours to sleep before work. It all fell on empty ears and that hurt when he had fucking super hearing. Comforting cuddles at night turned into whispered touches and soon, those touches became backs turned to one another. Long conversations turned into polite niceties than eventually faded into silence. The happy relationship - breakfast together in the morning at the table and takeouts on the sofa at night - became a burden. A horse you were both flogging because staying together in silence was slightly less terrifying than whatever the alternative that left you alone was. Soon, you were the only one flogging said horse. Matt had dropped his stick a long time ago and turned away. He'd walked into the depths of Hell's Kitchen and you weren't sure he was ever coming back. 

This wasn't your fault. Maybe it wasn't his fault either but hell it was his burden to bear. You'd done nothing but love and support him and what did you get in return? Silence. Iciness. Long, tense moments of forced conversations. 

You got used to it eventually. Every night, he'd come stumbling in at 4,5,6AM, skin littered with bruises and wounds; some from that night and others reopened. Matt's skin was thick with scars now. They were forming a new Daredevil suit across his arms and legs and back and there was no taking it off. It was always there. Always a reminder. 

Matt was laying with his back to you; you watched with open eyes, as his breathing went from shallow and tense, to something a little deeper and softer. He was falling asleep. Tough fucking luck, Murdock, you thought, it's time to talk. 

You brushed a hand down his back - Matt arched like a cat, suddenly waking.

"Hey, Matty."

He sighed heavily. "I was sleeping."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just wanted to see how you were-"

"- I'm tired," Matt huffed. "Go to sleep."

"I'm tired too," you murmured. Tired of this. Tired of this silence. Tired of you.

"Sleep too, then."

"I will," you whispered. "What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?"

"I'm working all day. Probably late."

"Okay, goodnight," you said. "I love you."

Silence. 

The morning came and still, Matt barely spoke to you. He ghosted past you in the morning, hands fumbling for a clean shirt and pants. His shoes were pulled on and coffee made, and he was out the door before you'd even risen for work. That was purposeful. He never left earlier than 8AM and it wasn't even gone 7:30. Maybe he didn't want to talk. Maybe he just wanted to talk to anyone that wasn't you - which was funny, because you'd barely had a conversation in weeks. 

You had lunch with Karen later that day, about four doors down from the Nelson & Murdock office. Whatever dalliance she'd had with Matt was in the past - you two were good friends. She was level-headed and candid. You needed that in a friend. She always said what you needed to hear, even if you didn't want to. 

"So, I'm gonna see this guy for a second date, I think," Karen was saying something. You were gone, eyes blankly staring past her. "But I'm not sure, because - hey, are you listening to me?"

"No," you admitted. "I'm sorry. I had a really shitty night."

Her face fell with concern. "What's going on?"

"Matt's losing himself to his night job," you admitted. "I haven't had a proper talk with him in fucking months. I don't think he's touched me since people liked James Corden, Karen. Do you know what a long time that is?"

"Jesus," she muttered. Without another word, she pulled out her diary and flicked through it. "Look, it says he's got his whole afternoon wide open today. He went home at midday I think."

You faltered slightly. Either Karen was mistaken or Matt was a fucking liar and had fed you bullshit about being busy this afternoon. The worst part was that you knew Karen never made mistakes when it came to her secretary job. She had a Pinterest board for everything and her Google calendar synced up to ten different devices. She probably wasn't wrong and lying to you, although a new development, was pretty in line with how Matt had been lately. It felt like the final nail in the coffin. The thing that sealed your relationship's fate.

"I..." you muttered. "Okay. Will you hate me if I ditch early to go and talk to him?"

Karen shook her head. "No. Go."

That subway ride was the longest of your ride. It felt like every stop was twice as long; like every red signal lasted ten years. Had the walk from the platform to the barriers always been this long? Had the street from the station to your apartment been this stretched out? Your feet had never hurt more as you sprinted up the stairs from the lobby to your apartment. The door was on the latch - Karen was right, he had been home - and you booted it down with ease. Matt jumped up from the sofa as you did.

"What are you-"

"- you're a fucking liar!" you snapped. 

There was a lingering silence for a moment. Matt was a man of few words but he had very rarely found himself speechless.

"I'm done," you muttered.

"Done with what?"

"I'm done with you," you said. "I'm done with us. With this shitty relationship. Do you know how long I've been trying? How long I've been begging you to give me some kind of attention? Months, Matt. I've been dying for MONTHS and you haven't cared."

"I haven't been ignoring you-"

"- please don't lie to me," you cut him off again. 

The silence returned. You might have been half way out the door for months but Matt had been the one holding it open. The worst part was that you loved him to your very core and if he just said the words then - stay, don't go - or even any fucking word in the human language that hinted at a glimmer of hope, you would have thought twice. Maybe your apartment was a ghost town now but it was haunted with what used to be. Maybe there was a chance to go back to that. Just maybe. You would take maybe. 

The seconds passed. One, two, three. You counted them as they went, right up until you hit sixty. The dreaded one minute mark. That was more than enough time to beg. You could have done it in thirty. But he'd said nothing. The silence now said more to you than Matt had in the last three months. 

"Do you have nothing to say?" you quietly asked. 

"Right," you murmured. "I'm really done then."

"Just...think about this?" Matt said. His voice wavered slightly. There it was. The thing you'd been wanting to hear. It was just one minute too late. 

"Moment's passed, Matty," 

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock imagine #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock x you #matt murdock one shot #matt murdock angst #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock fanfic #daredevil x reader #daredevil imagines #daredevil x you #daredevil imagine #daredevil one shot #daredevil reader insert #matt murdock reader insert

[natashaslesbian]

We Saved Each Other (Part Five)

Summary: you’re continuing to grow everyday with Natasha, facing all kinds of challenges both new and old

Word Count: 4.1k

Parings: (Natasha Romanoff x Kid!Reader) (Maria, Clint and Fury appear)

Warnings: Red room references, abusive father references, nightmares, shouting, crying, but the fluffiest ending

————

Natasha was amazed at your progress. It had been a long 2 months but you were continuing to grow every day. You were starting to get more comfortable around the avengers but there was still some bonding to be done and many more mountains to be climbed.

-5 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“So” Fury said as he settled into his chair “how are the two of you settling in?” The director asked. Natasha glanced over to you through the glass, you were always scared when you couldn’t see her and truth being told Nat didn’t ever want to let you out of her sight either “we’re okay” she said “ok, and the truth?” Nick smirked “it’s been hard I guess” the widow wasn’t yet used to allowing her emotions to show “she doesn’t know any different” Natasha said, eyes still glued to you “we don’t know any different” she corrected.

“Woah y/n look at this one!” Maria said as reached right to the bottom of the box of brand new toys Clint had sent for you “what is it?” You asked as you waddled over “it’s a doll house” Maria said “do you wanna open it up and put it together?” Your eyes lit up, you had never had your own doll house “yes please” you said. It was a challenge for Maria, this whole situation was. The agent had her walls built so high and watching over you, playing with you, it brought a lot of memories back for her. “What are you going to name this one?” Maria said as she passed you the brand new doll “I can name it anything?” You asked “of course” Maria said.

“We can’t keep her here without a guardian much longer Romanoff” Nick coughed “what does that mean? Where are you gonna send her?” The panic ran up through Natasha’s spine “we don’t want to send her anywhere, but she needs a guardian” Nats blood settled again “are you asking me to do that?” She asked “I’m not asking you to do anything, in all honesty you can’t, you haven’t been a US citizen long enough” Nick said “you need to have been here at least 12 months” Natasha sighed “that’s another 2 months away” the red head said. She would be damed if these people just shipped you off somewhere new “why can’t she just stay here until I can be her guardian” Natasha asked “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted” Nick said, falling back into his chair. Shit. She was letting her guard down again, letting some stranger see her emotions “well I don’t want her just thrown into the care of someone else” the widow said “we can take care of her, I can take care of her. Please Fury, let me help her”

“Hey y/n” Nat said as she opened the door “you wanna get some lunch?” She asked, you shrunk into yourself again, still wanting to play but not wanting to get into trouble “okay” you nodded your head. Natasha picked up on your discomfort “would you like to stay and play a bit longer?” The red head asked “yes please” you timidly said. Maria said her goodbyes and Natasha came to join you on the carpet “what’s your dolly’s name?” She asked, your cheeks grew a certain red and you giggled “Natasha” you smiled “you named her Natasha? After me?” The agent asked “yeah” you shyly said “why did you do that?” Nat asked again “because you’re my best friend” you smiled up with your y/e/c “you’re my best friend too y/n” Natasha said, feeling her heart open more than it ever had.

-6 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

You were so exhausted. Each time you slept your mind was plagued with demons, running around and throwing very bad memory into your consciousness. Right now was no different .“Y/n?” Natasha cooed “you’re okay y/n, wake up for me sweetheart” she pleaded. You had finally settled at 6am after a night of tears and no sleep. It was 8:30 now, things were going so well, Natasha was thrilled that you were getting some rest at last. “Y/n sweetheart, it’s Natty can you hear me?” She asked. You could hear her calling you but she was too far away, your father dragging you even further and pushing you into the arms of a strange man. Natasha cradled you in her lap, wiling you to wake through her thoughts “I’ve got you darling. It’s okay you’re safe” she continued to say.

Finally the darkness had gone and the overhead light stung your eyes slightly as you rolled away from it, further into Nat’s grip “Natty” you cried out “I’m here baby, I’m here” she said as she gently stoked your hair behind your ear “d- Dreykov” you whispered “its alright y/n. I won’t let him hurt you, he can’t get to you okay” Natasha said to you, and herself. “Do you want sprinkles?” Natasha asked, you nodded your head at the mention of your beloved stuffed bunny. The widow had bought if for you after your first nightmare, she had always wanted a stuffy and she was honoured to gift your first ever one to you.

You wrapped Sprinkles arms around your own while Natasha tucked you back into the soft sheets. “Get some sleep okay sweetheart” she said, bringing her hand back to your forehead, trailing her fingertips across your hair line “okay” you yawned “Natty?” You peered up at her “yeah?” She said as she sat on the plush mattress next to you. “can you sing me a song?” You asked “a song?” Nat asked in return, slightly terrified at the prospect of singing “yeah” you said sleepily “daddy used to sing me lullabies. Be-before he turned scary” you frowned and Natasha lent down to leave a kiss on your forehead, the action taking both of you by surprise “what did daddy used to sing for you?” The widow asked. You hummed in thought for a moment “I don’t remember” you said “how about I sing you one that my mommy used to sing to me?” Natasha smiled at the brief memory “where is your mommy?” You questioned as you rubbed your sore eyes “I don’t know, I haven’t seen her in 15 years” Nat believed Melina had died many years ago but she didn’t want to put that in your head “that’s a long time” you said “it is” Nat nodded “are you going to leave me for 15 years?” You quietly asked, afraid of the answer. Natasha couldn’t promise you anything, her future was just as unclear as yours but she was sure of one thing “I’m not going anywhere y/n” she said “now you close those eyes” her Russian accent filled your ears with a beautiful tune as she began to sing. Her comforting warmth lulling you into a deep slumber.

-7 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“No.” Natasha firmly said “I’m not going on this mission!” she slammed her hands on the wall “Romanoff” Fury warned, Maria cutting him off “the whole point of you coming here was that you would work under S.H.I.E.L.D” she said “well things have changed!” Natasha yelled “I need you for this mission Natasha” Fury boomed “I have to be here for y/n” Natasha said, scratching at her palms to calm her anger “you can’t stay glued to her side forever” Maria sighed. “You don’t get it!” The widow screamed, loosing all control “then explain it to us!” Fury said, mirroring Nat’s anger. “This is the safest place y/n has ever been but she doesn’t feel it yet.” Natasha began “she won’t feel safe for a long time and I may not be the perfect role model but I am the only one she trusts, the only one who will ever understand the hell she has been through!” Natasha’s voice was cracking, the tears threatening to spill “you both went through it” Maria said, catching the halls attention “they need time Nick” she said looking at her superior “a month is long enough” he said “no it’s not” Maria shot back “only Natasha and y/n can tell us when they’re ready” the brunette came to stand by Nats side, a silent promise that she was there for her. “So what do you need?” Nick asked “time” Natasha said.

“Natty?” You quietly called from the bedroom door, the three adults in the corridor turned their attention to you “hey y/n, are you okay?” Nat asked “why are you shouting?” You mumbled “sorry sweetheart we were just having a little disagreement” the red head said as she came to pick you up. She stopped immediately when you backed away from her “its okay no one’s angry” she cooed coming down to your level “I don’t like it” you sniffled “you sound like daddy” Natasha’s heart sank, she wanted to make a different impact on your life. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to scare you” Nat said trying to defuse the situation. Her efforts fell short when Fury announced his exit with the slam of the corridor doors. You flinched and pushed past the red head into Maria’s legs, breaking Natasha’s heart without knowing it. She couldn’t hold it back this time, big strong Nat, the tears started to fall. She quickly stood and turned on her heels walking past you and Maria, intertwined together. “Natasha” the agent called after the widow, her sobs fading and allowing her to hear yours. “It’s alright y/n, let’s go and get a hot chocolate okay”

Natasha caught the faint red stain in the mirror as she turned on her feet, the blood beginning to seep through her pointe shoes. This was the only way to let it all out. She had cried enough, spent too long feeling sorry for herself. Now she needed to make up for her mistake, and she needed to forget the look on your little face. The balletic music filled her head enough that Natasha didn’t notice when Clint came into the studio, only realising he was there when she caught his frame landing from a leap. She continued to twirl until Clint stopped the music “that looks painful” he said as he pointed to Natasha’s shoes, she simply shrugged. “Maria called” Clint began “told me what happened earlier. Why are you punishing yourself?” He asked. There it was again, the feeling of her tears creeping up on her “because I’m a monster” she whispered “No. you’re not” the spy said as he handed his teammate a fresh water bottle. He tilted his gaze to the bench and Natasha understood the message. “You’re allowed to be hurt too you know” Clint said as he passed nat a first aid kit, understanding that she would probably want to tend to her own wounds herself. “This has been a huge scary change for you, and for y/n. It’s not always going to be easy” Clint settled on the bench close to Natasha “she got scared Nat, but she won’t stay scared. I see it in her face, she trusts you, you just reminded her of a time I’m sure she’d rather forget” Nat looked over to her fellow agent every few seconds, in between placing her sneakers back onto her bruised feet “do you remember your second week here?” Clint asked “we were training in the gym. You dodged my right hook and I took you straight to the floor, and you stayed there for an hour. You were afraid, because I reminded you of a time you would rather forget” Natasha thought about the memory in detail, imagining that’s how you must have felt today “but here you are now, sat here with me. And I know you’ll never admit it, but I see it on your face too; I see that you trust me” the two shared a glance, accompanied with a small smile. Feeling content that Natasha was safe to be on her own, Clint left her to ponder. Ponder about you.

When Natasha found you, you were watching finding nemo. You and nat had watched it together for the first time last week. Maria was close by and Natasha wished it was her next to you instead of sprinkles. “Hey y/n” she quietly said, not wanting to startle you “mind if I join you?” She asked from a safe distance, thrilled when you nodded. She sat on the armchair next to the couch and you instantly knew that she was too far away for your liking. Shuffling down of the cushions you made your way over to Natasha and slotted your hand into hers, a large smile forming on her face. You pulled her to her feet and dragged her back to your mountain of blankets, silently asking her to join you, which she of course did. After a while of content movie watching, Maria excused herself, leaving you and Natasha to talk. “Y/n” Nat said, drawing your focus to her “I’m so sorry I scared you today” you looked up to her emerald eyes and saw nothing but regret, a look your father never had. He had never told you he was sorry after shouting and he definitely didn’t after he had thrown you around the house. You knew Natasha was different, every touch to your skin was gentle and every sentence was soft. “I forgive you” you said noticing a tear forming in the corner of Natasha’s eye “don’t cry Natty” you said as you came to your knees and crawled to wipe away her stray tear. “I promise you I will never hurt you y/n, you don’t have to be scared of me” Natasha sniffled “‘M not scared of you” you sat back on your heels “but I am scared of daddy” you admitted “and I’m scared of Dreykov, and the red room. I don’t wanna go back there” Natasha broke hearing you say the very same words she had once pleaded. “You don’t ever have to go back there baby” the red head cried with you “not to the red room and not to daddy, you can stay with me forever” you collapsed into Nats arms and held on tight, you knew you were never letting go “look at me y/n” Natasha said as she lifted your chin with her pinky “it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid too sometimes, but me and you are gonna stick together and I will always look after you” he sniffled “I’ll look after you too Natty”

-Week 8 at S.H.I.E.L.D-

Waking up next to Natasha felt safe. She was warm and always had one arm holding you close. The widow had tried to coax you into your own bed, adjacent to her own on the other side of the room. Each night, however, you would always end up cuddled together. Natasha understood it was where you felt most comfortable but still dealing with her own nightmares at the same time was hard, thankfully you were a heavy sleeper but Nat always feared she would startle you awake too.

Today was a big day. You hadn’t been outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D grounds since you arrived, the outside world seeming too scary. Natasha had seen you though, staring up at the city through the fencing. Your little mind was so curious and you had yet to explore the world outside of an abusive environment. You were excitedly nervous when Natasha told you she needed to take a trip to the store, you had never been to one of those before. The red head didn’t really need to go but it was a good excuse to get you out of HQ. She had agreed with Fury that a car of specialist agents would follow close behind, dressed in everyday clothes as to not frighten you although they were ultimately there to protect you. Fury accepted Natasha’s many requests, despite not fully understanding why he needed 10 members of his team watching the surrounding areas.

“Good morning Natty” you said as you gently laid your weight over her stomach, you were clingiest in the morning and Natasha loved it. Thinking back to the first few weeks you were here, it was remarkable that you accepted her loving touch so easily now. “Are you looking forward to our trip out today?” Nat asked “yeah. But ‘M a little nervous” you mumbled behind a yawn “that’s alright sweetheart” Natasha said as she pushed your baby hairs to the side “I’ll keep you safe y/n” she smiled, and you smiled back. The redhead considered asking you if you wanted to go to a cafe for breakfast but thought that might be too much for todays adventure.

“Okay, other foot darling” Natasha said as reached for the laces on your right shoe. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go!” She finished with a gentle pat to your shoe clad foot. You followed Natasha through the building towards the garage area, reaching for her hand every now and then but deciding against it. “Woah!” You said as you helped the redhead push open the door “would you like to pick a car? We’re allowed to take any one that we want!” She said “yes please” you excitedly giggled and instantly moved towards the convertible Volkswagen Beatle. “You wanna take the bug y/n?” Nat asked, you nodded with anticipation and the widow helped you into the car seat Maria had gotten for you.

You were amazed. The trees swaying so freely, all the colours in the bushes just filled with flowers. You couldn’t keep still the entire journey, every corner filling your little mind with wonder. As curious as you were, you failed to catch the unmarked S.H.I.E.L.D car trailing you. Natasha however, was glancing in the mirror every few moments to make sure they were still there, your safety being her number one priority. You got excited when the tall buildings of the city came into view but were immediately disappointed when Natasha took a left turn into a car park. “Ok here we are!” Nat said “do you have the list I gave you sweetheart?” You held up the notepad high to show Natasha you had taken good care of it.

When you reached for Natasha’s hand this time, just outside the shop doors, she obliged straight away. Keeping a tight grip on you and the basket in her other hand, she asked you what was the first item on the list. Natasha didn’t actually need any of the things she had written down but they were basic necessities so would one day become useful. You stayed close to your best friend the entire time, starting to feel slightly overwhelmed as the store filled up with customers. The lights were getting to bright and the mixed sent from each department was too much but as long as Natasha was beside you, you knew you would be okay. “Ok I think we’re all done darling” the redhead said “shall we double check?” She continued as she put down the heavy basket. You began to list of every item on your piece of paper “toothpaste” you said “check” Natasha answered “shampoo”

“Check”

“Soap”

“Check”

“Lotion”

“Check! I think we’re all good!” Natasha finally said after you had ticked of every item. “You’ve been so helpful y/n, how about we go and pick you out a new outfit?” Truth be told you were ready to leave but you had been eyeing up the clothes every time you wandered past “okay” you said and retook Nat’s hand.

You didn’t like this section anymore, at first it had been fun all these bright colours and pretty dresses, but each time you picked something out Natasha would let go of your hand to pull it off the rail. Eventually both your hands were so full of clothes that you had no way to connect, thankfully Natasha had suggested that it was time to leave so you followed close by to the checkout making sure you could see her red locks the entire time. A group of teenagers came charging towards you both, taking you by surprise and causing you drop your new sneakers. You quickly lent down to grab them but when you looked up again Natasha’s red hair was no where to be seen. You immediately panicked, not being able to see the widow, dropping everything in your grasp to run ahead and catch up to her. You expected she would be just around the corner but when you shuffled around on the slippery floor, she wasn’t there. A gentlemen came up behind you with your discarded items “here you go y/n” the man said, causing you to let out a squeal at the unwelcome touch “no go away!” You screamed and ran in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Natasha was frantically searching for you in every isle and around every bend. “Y/n?” She called at every corner. All your shopping was long gone by now, nothing mattered more to Natasha than you did. She ran through the store, halting when she saw agent Carlos holding the clothes and shoes you had picked out. She came crashing into him demanding to know where you were “she got frightened and ran off agent Romanoff” he timidly said, fearing the darkness in the red heads eyes. “Well contact everyone else! Find her!” She demanded and began to race the store in search for you again.

The toy isle seemed a great place to hide, you knocked the boxes of the bottom shelf causing quite a commotion. While pushing the remaining toys out of your way, agent Hill had caught you in the corner of her eye “Romanoff I’ve got her, the toy section” she said into the cuff of her sleeves drawing questioning looks from other customers. Just before you could climb into your hidden safe space, an arm interlocked with your own “no!” You yelled “let me go!” You kicked as Maria pulled you towards her “it’s alright y/n it’s me” she pleaded. Through your teary eyes, you couldn’t quite make out her face and although you recognised her voice she wasn’t who you wanted “no! I want mama! Where’s my mama!” You cried out.

Natasha came speeding down the shop floor, scanning every isle despite knowing where you were. A huddle of onlookers had appeared, Nat simply pushed through them ignoring their huffs of disapproval. She rounded the corner to see you backing away from Maria screaming for your mom, how Natasha’s heart broke, knowing she could never bring her back to you. “Y/n?” The widow said, your head immediately whipping to her direction, your screams stopped for a moment but your howling increased as your eyes met Natasha’s “mama!” You cried as your feet picked up and you ran straight for her. Natasha’s world fell still, you were calling for her. Calling a name she had only dreamed of one day hearing and knew she never would. “Mommy!” you cried once more as Natasha’s world came back to life, her own feet leading her towards you. “Come here baby girl!” She said, and moments later your bodies collided into the most loving embrace the two of you had ever witnessed “mommy’s here y/n” she said into your ear as you cried into her shoulder “please don’t leave me mommy!” You sobbed “I’m not going anywhere y/n, I promise” Natasha said “mama’s got you. Let’s go home baby”

That night, Natasha welcomed you into her bed, wanting to hold you close. You had spent all evening trying on your new clothes (Maria had made sure they were purchased along with the toys you had accidentally broken) you had put on a fashion show for your new mama and required her validation for every outfit, not that you needed it. You had worn yourself out before your usual bedtime and Natasha had decided the two of you would have a movie night. Your eyes had fell closed no more than 30 minutes into the first film. Nat turned off the lights, leaving just the one on her bedside table, you shifted as the redhead pulled the duvet up to cover you both “mh” you whined “mama” you huffed as you cuddled into her side “I’m here sweetheart” your mommy said, holding you tightly in her arms. You fell soundly asleep in the arms of your mom, the woman you love most in the world. As for Natasha, she fell asleep holding in her hands what had only ever been a dream. A dream the red room had tried to take away from her, yet here she was holding her daughter, holding you.

————

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written so I apologise if there’s any mistakes I tried my best to get it done quickly as well and with my dyslexic ass there’s probably mistakes all over it

Happy new year guys🩷

#marvel #natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel fic #nat x reader #avengers #natasha x little!reader #natasha x daughter!reader #clint x natasha #maria hill #nick fury #agents of shield

[octoberclidan]

You Have Me

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Request: Could you do a dean x reader where the reader finds out someone she was close to passed away. Super fluffy, lots of tears and comfort. Maybe the reader doesn’t think Dean likes her.

Note: requested anonymously, I hope you like it!

Masterlist

Story:

[Y/N] had been a hunter for over five years now, ever since Sam and Dean had rescued her from a djinn. Her family hadn't been so lucky, she was the only one left alive when the Winchesters found out where the djinn had taken people. She couldn't face going back to her home, or even living in her home town anymore, knowing her family wouldn't be there. Sam had suggested she stay with them for awhile. Dean hadn't been supportive of this idea, but Sam had insisted. They ended up taking her back to the bunker where they discovered she was actually really good at research, and she began helping them out on cases. After several months of helping through research, she had asked Sam to help her with the physical side of things. Again, Dean was not supportive of this plan. He said she would be a liability on cases, that she had too much to catch up on, and that she wouldn't make a good hunter. She had no idea what she'd done to make him dislike her from day one, so she tried to stay out of his way as much as possible. She had been living in the bunker for five years and felt like she barely knew Dean. Sam was like a big brother to her, and they were very close, but Dean was still somewhat of a mystery to her. He would often find excuses to stop her from tagging along on hunts, saying things like "we need someone to stay in the bunker in case we need to look up the lore", even though they never needed someone to do that before. [Y/N] didn't push it. She liked Dean, there were lots of qualities about him that she really admired, and she hoped that one day he would let her in and see her as part of the team.

She missed her old friends from back home, and she still met up with them a few times a year on the condition that it was anywhere other than where her family had lived. They talked on the phone a lot, she was still very close to most of the friends that she'd had back in school, though they were under the impression that she was working a completely ordinary office job, not hunting demons and monsters with arguably the two most famous hunters of supernatural beings to ever exist.

Most days in the bunker were good; she would wake up, go on a morning jog with Sam, enjoy a nice shower, eat with Sam, catch up with a friend or two on the phone, do some chores, and look for cases or brush up on some lore. Today was not a good day for [Y/N]. She had been woken up by a phone call at 6am that morning to say that one of her closest friends, someone who she had known since she was six years old, was dead. It was completely unexpected; a car crash. She was even supposed to meet up with her next week for an overdue catch-up. To top it all off, Sam wasn't in the bunker, he had left the previous day to help Donna out with a case, meaning it was just [Y/N] and Dean.

She had stayed in bed all morning, and was still in bed well into the afternoon. Her eyes were red and her stomach ached from all of her crying. She was hungry, but felt nauseous at the same time. She thought about going to the kitchen to get something small, but she really didn't want to bump into Dean just for him to make some sarcastic remark about being lazy and getting up so late, or for him to point out how puffy her eyes were from crying. So, she stayed in bed. It was 6pm when her phone rang, and she panicked, the scenario of hearing of another tragedy playing in her mind. She ignored it, hoping to delay whatever news was on the other end. What if it was Donna, saying something terrible had happened to Sam? No, surely she would call Dean about that, not [Y/N]. She tried to stop herself from overthinking, but it was difficult. It stopped, and a minute later she got a text notification.

She ignored it for another 15 minutes until another notification came in. She swallowed nervously, and cautiously reached over to see who was trying to contact her. Sam's name was on the screen. Feeling a bit relieved, she opened the texts to see what he wanted.

6:01: missed call from Sam

6:03: Sam: Hey, you okay? I spoke to Dean, he said you haven't come out of your room all day. I think he's worried you're dead or dying.

6:17: Sam: Can you text me back or something? He texted to say he heard your phone ring out, I think he's getting ready to make an entrance...

[Y/N] sat straight up, she did not need Dean barging into her room. She quickly texted him back.

6:18: [Y/N]: I'm fine, tell him to stay out.

As soon as she hit send however, there was a knock at her door. She froze, almost managing to convince herself that she'd imagined it.

"[Y/N], uh, you okay in there?" Dean's gruff voice was muffled through the door.

"I'm fine". She tried to called back, but it came out very quietly, her throat sore from crying all day. She cleared her throat and tried again. "I'm fine!" Why was he choosing today of all days to care whether he saw her or not? "What do you want?"

"You've been in there all day". She didn't respond, waiting for him to answer her question. "Uh, we're kinda low on food, I was gonna order a pizza, do you want some?"

"No thanks". She called back. There was silence for moment before her door opened and Dean walked in. "Dean! You can't just come in here uninvited!" She pulled her covers up to hide her face but he walked over to her and pulled them back down again. "What are you doing?! Get out!".

"What am I doing? What are you doing? You've been in here since you went to bed last night. Are you sick?" He reached out to put his hand on her forehead but she swatted it away.

"I'm not sick. I'm fine, now can you leave me alone please?" She glared at him. He just stood there and blinked at her.

"You've been crying".

"What's it to you?"

"What's wrong?"

"Why do you suddenly care?"

Dean scoffed. "What, I'm not allowed to care now? It's not sudden, I care about you, you've lived here for five years [Y/N]". She wiped her face and shook her head at him.

"I can count on my hands the number of conversations you and I have had in those five years. You don't care".

"I do".

"Stop it Dean! I don't need this, I don't know what game you're trying to play but it's not funny. Get out". She pointed at the door and tried to glare at him again, but her trembling lip gave her away and before she knew it, fresh tears were running down her face.

"Hey, just tell me what's wrong and then I'll leave you alone if you still want me to". He sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled her hands away from her eyes. "Come on, pretend I'm Sam". He smiled comfortingly at her. [Y/N] couldn't remember ever seeing Dean smile at her, he looked younger when he smiled. She never did notice just how green his eyes were, and her body automatically relaxed when she looked into them. "I know you'd prefer for your boyfriend to be here, but you're obviously very upset about something, so come on. I'm all ears". [Y/N] furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"You think Sam is my boyfriend?"

"He's not?"

"Has he ever referred to me as his girlfriend? Have you ever seen us kiss? Or even hold hands?" Dean looked away in thought, trying to think if he ever had. "We're just friends Dean, he's like a brother to me. You think after five years of living in the bunker we'd sleep in separate rooms?"

"Oh, um... I just figured, you're always together and hugging and joking".

"Yeah, 'cause he's my best friend". She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Wait, is that why you always kept your distance? You thought I'd end up like all of the girls that Sam has been involved with?" Dean awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"It sounds kinda stupid now you say it". He mumbled.

"It is stupid, you idiot". No matter how much she wiped her eyes, the tears were still coming.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? Please [Y/N]". He looked at her with a pleading look.

"One of my oldest friends died last night. Car crash". She whispered, looking down.

"Shit [Y/N], I'm sorry".

"I need Sam".

Dean ran his hand down his face and sighed. "You have me". He said. She blinked through her tears and looked at him. "C'mere" he opened his arms and gestured for her to move closer. She paused for a moment, she had seen Dean be kind to victims on cases, but she was unfamiliar with being on the receiving end of his comfort. She really did need a hug though. She moved forwards on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. He held her head to his chest with one hand, and rubbed her back with his other while resting his chin on the top of her head. She stopped trying to hold back her crying and just let it all out, tears wetting Dean's flannel and with each sob he held her tighter. She cried until no more tears came, and her sobbing had transitioned to sniffling and shaky breaths. Dean held her the entire time, and didn't loosen his grip until he felt her pulling away. She looked up at him, she looked tired.

"Thank you". She whispered. "Sorry about your flannel".

"Don't worry about it. Why don't we get some food into you?"

"I dunno if I'll be able to".

"You haven't eaten anything all day Sweetheart, you must be hungry. Why don't I make you some toast? I'll bring it in here for you". She nodded, and he leaned forward to press his lips to her forehead. It was strange, they'd been so distant for so long, but this closeness that they were experiencing now, this intimacy, it felt natural and easy.

Dean brought her a plate of toast to have in bed and a plate for himself too. "Do you mind if I eat in here with you?" [Y/N] shrugged and he took a seat back on the edge of her bed. They ate in silence. [Y/N] hadn't realised how hungry she was until she started eating, and she couldn't help but feel a huge amount of appreciation for Dean for everything he'd done that evening. She'd gone from not wanting him anywhere near her, to not wanting him to leave her alone. When she was finished, he took her plate from her and stacked it with his on the desk in her room before coming back and sitting on her bed again. "Get some sleep [Y/N], you must be exhausted". She nodded and lay down under the covers. "I can sit with you for awhile, if you want". He offered.

She looked at him shyly. "You could stay tonight, if you wanted. I mean if you didn't have anything else to do". He was surprised, everything between them this evening was entirely new. When he didn't respond right away [Y/N] was quick to speak up again. "It's just that it was nice, earlier, when you held me. But if you've had enough that's fine, I get it." Her reassuring smile wasn't very convincing.

"Move over then, I'll get in with you". He stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers before sliding in under the sheets next to her. "Come on, I'll hold you". He held is arm up for [Y/N] to move closer and lay her head on his chest while his arm came down around her. He stroked his fingers up and down her arm and leaned down to kiss the top of her head while she wrapped her arm around his waist. He was warm, solid, safe. "I called Sam while I was making our toast, he said he'll try and get home as soon as possible, they're just not quite finished with the case yet". He mumbled into her hair.

"It's okay, I have you".

"You have me".

The end

#supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean winchester comfort #sam winchester #supernatural fanfic #dean fluff #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #spn reader insert #spn fic #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn fluff #supernatural fluff #supernatural fic #dean winchester supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural reader insert #comfort

[sunghoonnsupremacy]

#LOVETALK! - warnings : cuss words, mentions of sexual activity

004. - 005.

"wake up, soomin-ah. " jungwon shakes me awake, sunlight peeking through the blinds. I stir in the bed covers, groaning at my high level of tiredness.

"come on. we have to go. " he sighs, caressing my cheek with his left palm. I sit up and look at him, noticing my dress is missing.

"what's the time? " "6am. we should get out before a sober beomgyu realises we're in his bed." he lets a hushed whisper and rubs his eyes exhausted.

I groan and throw myself back on the bed. "fuck him. I'm tired. " I close my eyes, ready to rest when jungwon abruptly pulls me up by my hands, and the covers off of my tired body. "you can sleep at mine, just hurry up. "

I sigh in exaggeration and nod defeatedly. I walk over to the other side of the room where my clothes lie on the wooden floor.

"why is my dress ripped jungwon? " I slowly turn at him, noticing a sheepish smile on his face. "well.. "

FOUR HOURS AGO. - 2am.

"mmm jungwon-" my moan gets cut off by a sound of my dress ripping in half. I widen my eyes and my jaw falls open.

"you dick! did you just rip my dress? that was EXPENSIVE!! " I slap his hand away and pout.

"oops? wanted an easy access to your tits, my bad. " he sarcastically pouts back and unclips my bra from the back surprisingly quickly.

I feel my nipples harden at the cold air blowing from the half opened window, arching my back slightly. "not my problem you're impatient. you could've asked me first. " I subtly roll my eyes at him, only to get harshly grabbed by the jaw.

"don't give me an attitude or this'll end in you crying, understood? " his eyes darken for a moment before diving back to sucking and peppering my boobs with kisses.

NOW. - 6am.

"oh my fucking god, what the hell? " I whine and throw the ripped dress at him. "Im sorry I thought you wouldn't remember it. " he walks over to me and pouts. "kisses? " he leans in to kiss me, my hand stopping him.

"no." I harshly glare at him and he rolls his eyes. "fine whatever i don't care bye" he falls facedown onto the bed like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

I grimace at him and put my bra on, finding a random shirt in the closet, presumably beomgyus.

I walk over to him and smack his ass so he gets up. "what the hell soomin?" he winces in pain and hurriedly stands up to glare at me. "you said we should hurry, so hurry up" I open the door quietly, hearing it creek loudly to my luck.

"fuck was this house built in 1900 or what? " I whisper-groan and walk out with a grumpy jungwon following me.

reaching the bottom of the stairs, jungwon spins me around. I yelp in suprise but he kisses me in time before I could make more noise. kissing him back, he pulls away and smirks. "that's for this morning. "

I playfully roll my eyes at him and slowly open the front door. "ill call us a uber. have my jacket, you look cold. " he offers with a sly smile and I take it but glare at him being the reasoning of me wearing nothing but beomgyus shirt and lacy panties.

anyway, as we arrive to his place, he unlocks the door leads me to his bedroom. its grey, led lights stuck around the corners and a gaming set up. my eyes run across the room when I suddenly see a photo.. of me? getting closer I see that it's a 100% picture from a couple months ago when I was out shopping.

what the hell? I hear jungwons footsteps and quickly jump into the bed, ignoring the picture even though im morally petrified.

"I see you're getting comfortable already. " jungwon smirks at me and takes off his shirt. my eyes widen as I take his defined abs in notice. he crawls in next to me and leans on his hand to make eye contact with me. "what? " he smiles and says, "have I told you how pretty you are? "

I furrow my eyebrows and think back to all the times he's beat me up or made me choke on his dick. I shake my head and say "no".

he frowns. "really? I should start saying it more then" not knowing how to reply, I smile at him and turn around. "goodnight." a confused sound leaves his mouth "huh? you're going to sleep? " I mutter a yes and groan. "you told me i could sleep at yours, jungwon. "

"well yeah but I didn't think you'd actually go to sleep. " he pouts and crawls closer to me so he can wrap his arms around my waist. "let me at least sleep with you. " jungwon mutters against my chest.

I nod and close my eyes.

TIMESKIP.

hearing him snore, I quickly shimmer out of his hold and leave the room. feeling more than uncomfortable by the idea of him stalking me, I leave through the back door and walk a few neighborhoods to call aeri to pick me up.

"god.. i knew he was an asshole but a creep? " i rub my eyes and thank the lord when i see aeris car pull up.

"hey, what's the rush? you okay? " she immediately pulls me into a hug. i hug her back and when she drives off i give her the whole explanation from last night till this morning. she notices my sullen expression and pouts.

"do you wanna go straight home or should we go to my place? " while driving, aeri smiles at me before looking back at the road. i sigh knowing that jungwon will look for me at my apartment. "your place, please. i don't think ill feel comfortable staying alone today"

she nods and the two of sit in silence for the rest of the ride. looking out of the cars passenger seat window, I think back to what I saw. im still somewhat shocked about the fact he has a picture of me, but not that weirded out. its better than other shit I could think of. I mean god knows what he does with that picture but as long as he leaves me alone I think I'll be okay.

he also still hasn't called me which means he's either still sleeping or looking for me. Id hope its the first option, hence me not wanting to see him for a while. but is that really even an option when it comes to jungwon? most likely not.

hes extremely clingy, he's always been clingy. even when he used to bully me. it's weird, but I've gotten used to it.

now is when I start to panic. what if he calls me? or texts me? or worse.. finds me? what do I even say? I have to make up a lie that will not make him suspicious but also sound believable enough as to why I left without saying anything or waking him up.

maybe if I just tell him its a family issue. or a friend issue? school issue. bullshit! why would he believe that? for the most part, let's hope he won't call.

all off a sudden, my phone starts ringing. fucking jinx. I do a quick prayer before checking who it is and to my suprise its the one and only yang jungwon. fuck.

"yes? " I pick it up hesitantly and take the phone to my ear so aeri won't hear. "where the fuck are you soomin? " I could hear his frantic voice from the other side, almost as if he was pacing around for no genuine reason.

i gulp and make up a lie, "sorry but my mom called me because she needed help with setting up new furniture in her house. I didn't want to wake you" I smile proudly at my great and improved lie until I hear him sigh. "okay. call me once your done, mkay? I wanna see you. " upon hearing this, I hum in agreement and end the call.

"was that him? " aeri asks, eventually pulling up in her driveway. I nod and get out of the car, excited to finally rest.

"what did he say? " she unlocks the wooden door to her apartment and smiles at me comfortingly. "just that he wants to see me later. I think im okay for now though. " I welcome myself into her cozy household by sitting on the couch into a manspread and closing my eyes.

"you can have some ramen I made earlier. I'll be in my bedroom okay? just knock if you need anything. " she kisses my forehead and hurries to her room. I sigh and decide it'd be best for me to sleep for now, hence the fact I got no sleep at two different houses in one night.

my phone pings. for fucks sake, what's up with my sleep schedule today? I groan and unlock it, only to see a chat from jungwon. gosh he's so extremely clingy it's annoying.

#enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen jungwon #jungwon #jungwon smut #yang jungwon

[eatsleepbreathefutbol]

One with Chris- you find out you’re pregnant but you don’t tell him immediately cos he’s been super distant and stressed cos of his injuries this szn and you felt that putting this on him would be too much atm, but he finds out and gets upset with you that you didn’t tell him and you say “ you’ve been so stressed these past few weeks, we’ve barely even been a couple and you want me to put this on you as well??” And he feels like crap... please give a cute ending !!!! Love your writing xxxxxxx

Of course

Recently Christian had been stressed out because of the season and the amount of injuries he kept having. He would come home late and would leave at the crack of dawn, before you would wake up. You started feeling like your body was off, you couldn’t put your finger down quite yet on what it was but you knew something was up.

This morning Chris had left at like 6am, and right after you had woken up to throw up. So right after you brushed your teeth got into your car and drove to the closest pharmacy in a oversized hoodie so the paparazzi wouldn’t recognize you, but why would they be up this early you thought. The minute you pulled up you went into the store bought the pregnancy test then left right after to not cause commotion.

You went home and took the pregnancy test, waited five minutes for the results. The results came back positive, so you started freaking out because your mind kept telling you it’s not going to work out because you’ll end up being a single parent. So you kept pacing back and forth thinking of who to call and what to say. You left the test on the counter and went to the kitchen saying you’ll throw it away when you think of something.

You went to the kitchen grabbed a water and laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. You didn’t notice Chris had came home from training not that much after! After he had put his bag down he grabbed the blanket off the couch and threw it on you and went back to yalls room to take a shower, in the bathroom where the pregnancy test was in. The minute he walked into the bathroom he screamed realizing what was laying on the counter. Which woke you up from your nap, and you ran to the bathroom seeing the picture in front of you unfold.

Chris held the test in his hand “Are you serious Y/N, you couldn’t had the decency to tell me about this? Like is it even my kid to begin with? I can’t start to explain how hurt I am about this-” you cut him off mid sentence, “For fuck sake you’re hurt about this Christian? You’re constantly leaving early or coming home late, and the one time you come home early I leave the pregnancy test out without reading through my crystal ball that my boyfriend who is constantly stressed out and constantly injured is coming home early” you said sarcastically “You’re out here trying to start World War 3 for something that shouldn’t be a big deal, and yes it’s your child dumbass cause I would never cheat on you no matter how forgotten you have been of me!” Chris was standing there with his head down “how far along are you Y/N?” you got irritated “Oh so now I’m Y/N to you because I supposedly messed up, well Christian Mate Pulisic I don’t fucking know cause I found out this morning” you were tapping your foot against the hardwood floor, “you’ve been so stressed these past few weeks, we’ve barely even been a couple and you want me to put this on you as well?”

Chris came up to you and embraced you in a hug, “ok babe we’ll get through this and I’m sorry for making you mad! I know I haven’t been a good boyfriend, I need to let you in and talk to you so we can be a couple instead of strangers!” You hugged him back and started crying, Chris kissed your forehead “Let’s go get your favorite snacks and watch Encanto along with Someone Great babe” you got excited “ok but this better not be a fluke of fate like I want to be here for you but I’m starting to not know how to!” Chris wrapped his arm around your waist, “Yeah babe I know and I’m sorry for making you feel like this”

I’m sorry for taking this long to write this piece! I hope you enjoy reading it anon 🫶

#christian pulisic #christian pulisic imagines #christian pulisic imagine #football imagines #football imagine #futbol imagines #futbol imagine #soccer imagines #soccer imagine #chelsea fc imagines #chelsea fc imagine

[portral]

Sundrop x reader

A request from @ver-d-ant

“Hello Hello? Is this Y/N? Ah yes well you have been promoted to the superstar daycare pick-up department!”, with those words your entire work routine was changed. You were exhausted and one of your colleagues noticed.

“Wanna have a sleepover?”, he smiled with the starrays sticking out of his metallic head. “I don’t see why not!”, you said but little did you know that the plans of a simple sleepover would have a dirty turn, planned by the one and only, Sundrop!

The day started early, 05:30AM to be exact. You were not a morning person, but the Mega Pizzaplex employees didn’t care. With no rooms to protest you would be moved into the Superstar Daycare Pick-Up area. You know… where all the kids scream and ramble, get hurt which follows with them crying, useless complains being filed because of a scraped knee here and there-

It’s been about two weeks since your promotion and you are exhausted. More than ever! Waking up at five, getting ready and then driving to the establishment was acceptable. But fixing every single little bug was not. God wouldn’t even know how many things you have fixed in there. With kids running, jumping and hanging all over their area, there were more things to fix than in Monty’s personal room.

o________________________________________o

Upon entering the daycare you heard the daily strech of the animatronic. You’ve always wondered how he takes care of so many kids at once. Even admired it sometimes. But mostly you chill in a small room made for employees to take their breaks in. The times for breaks were:

‘Now —until— somthing breaks — back to the break — repeat’

Looking over you saw the sun-representing robot waving at you. You waved back and saw him do his daily dive into the pit. You had about 5 minutes left until these doors would open at 6AM and the children will enter like a tsunami! Once the robot had disappeared into the ballpit you looked around for any obvious damage. Apparently the owners of this place are VERY strict when it comes ro fixing stuff.

Talking about fixing stuff; you were also allowed to fix Sundrop due to the other worker, that used to do it, quitting. You sometimes felt bad for waiting for him to break, but you were just so interested in his AI that you cannot help yourself!

But after finding everything to be in place you slowly walked up to the red fence next to the slide. “Sunny?”, you called him by his nickname. Immediately you saw his head spring up and stick out of the colorful balls that surrounded him. He looked you with his head turned. You pointed your finger at the few balls that have escaped the pit from his sudden movement. The animatronic immediately jumped out to place them back inside, yet he kicked out more with set jump. You quietly laughed at his freak-out over some balls.

The Daycare was somehow the most populated, but also the most cleanest at the same time. You found it kind of freakish. Yet the most freakish thing in this room was the animatronic. On the rare occasion that the Daycare would be empty, he’d walk around to seek your attention. Last time you were just reading something on your phone and after looking up your phone cracked a bit as it fell to the floor. The Sun-robot was starring at you through the small window that the employee lounge had. For once he wasn’t slumped and was standing straight, not moving a muscle… wheel? Springlock? You didn’t know…

That day was the creepiest of all up until now, yet not the only one. Once all of the balls were back in their place, the door behind you slammed open. “Y/N!! Get ready for your personal hell! You got one minute!”, a voice yelled. You immediately remembered the voice to be of the night guard, Vanessa. She was always kind enough to remember you a minute before opening that the kids will be dropped of shortly. You shouted a quick ’thank you’. Looking down into the pit of fun and kid-germs, the animatronic was already gone. He always went back up onto the high-hanging stage to jump down into the ballpit. He loves the way kids get entertained. Each and every time.

o________________________________________o

You were sitting in the employee room, as usual, awaiting a complaint. With a sudden and very aggressive, continues knock to the door, you had every reason to believe that another child got hurt. You got up from your chair and went to opening the door.

Behind the door was a very angry mother, a child and most surprising- Sundrop. “Your stupid robot hurt my daughter!” At first you were confused because the animatronics, especially this one, are designed to be friendly all the way through. “May I ask you three to step inside? We can have a more private conversation in here.”, you asked the mother. She entered the room, yet didn’t forget to bump into your shoulder on her way in. The girl followed. Sundrop was staying outside. With a look saying ‘get in here’ he was the last one to enter before the door was closed.

You stood infront of the two customers, while the animatronic stood further behind them. “So mam, would you please explain to me how our animatronic hurt your child?” You were calm about this. Or as calm as you could be- “Well! That stinky robot just grabbed her and threw her in the air! That thing is insane! I deserve some kind of refund!!”, she shouted. You kneeled down a bit, leveling yourself with the child. “Hey! Did our daycare attend hurt you?”, you asked simply. The child nodded. “Would you like to tell me how?” “As I already sai-“, you interrupted the mother with a raise of your finger. Surprisingly it shut her up.

“Well- he grabbed me and- and he held me in the air! It was cool! But when I got back down I felt kind of sick-“ You nodded. Standing back up, you looked at your last witness.

“Sun did you mean to hurt the child?”

The animatronic shook his head with his arms held up innocently. “NONO! I would never! It is against company policy to damage our guests!!!”

“Are there perhaps any errors in your code?”

Sundrop answered honestly. “Why no there isn’t! I run a daily check and there is no error! Even now!”

You sighed and asked one last thing. “Alright- Could you tell me her information, mostly only the causes of our delama? The ones of her Daycare-Entery-Papers.”

“Can do!

Name: Emma. Janny. Watson. Age: 7 Illnesses: Allergy to pollen, a peanut allergy, no further illnesses noted”

You turned back to the mother and after a while of thinking you spoke up again. “Mam is there perhaps any kind of illness you forgot to tell the front desks about?” The woman looked a bit ashamed. “Why- there is a thing with her being afraid of heights… even just a few feet- it can make her sick-“

“Would you wait right here please?”, you asked calmly as you grabbed the phone that started to gather dust on the desk. After dialing a number you held it up to your ear. “Hello? Ah yes Mr. Afton! I am calling for some information”

“So what should one do if a child gets sick, but the reason as to why wasn’t listed on the entrance papers?”

“Aha… yes I understand… yes she’s totally fine now!… Alright! A wonderful day to you too sir!”

You turned around and repeated the words of your employer. “Due to the cause of illnesses not being listed on the required daycare-entery-papers, the Freddy Fazbear Mega Pizzaplex company does not and cannot give any compensation nor refund of any kind. We apologize that you, as our customer, have had a troublesome experience yet wish you a great day regardless!” The mother looked furious and grabbed her child as she stormed off out of the employees only room. “Glad that’s over with-“

You looked over and saw the robot standing with his head low. He looked so sad- “Is everything alright buddy?”, you asked. The robots head rose and you somehow read the sadness on his face (?). “Do I stink Y/N?” “What? No! You smell even better then me!” (Which isn’t a big accomplishment seeing as you‘re already trough most of your shift) “But that woman said-“ “I do not care what the woman said! You’re beautiful Sun! The most beautiful animatronic to ever exist!”

Somehow the robot looked flustered. You held him by the sides of his head and kissed his temple. “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re worth anything less!”, you said before heading to the door. You just treated him like a child who stubbed his toe- perhaps you’ve been working for too long. But before your hand could get a hold of the doorknob, someone grabbed your wrist. “H-hey Y/N?” “What is it sunshine?” He twitched at the nickname. “Y-you know how the last mechanic in charge of me quit?” You nodded. “Yeah they put me in charge of you now!” “Well- would you lik- can you fix me? Please-“ “Oh gosh- of course! I’d be fired if I wouldn’t, but seeing how you work is way more interesting!!”, you smiled with a glint in your eyes.

“Get comfortable anywhere you want! I’ll go get the toolbox!” “You don’t need to-“, the animatronic said. “I think you can do this without them…”, Sundrop mumbled, now on the floor. “Alriigghht- So where does it hurt?”, you asked while kneeling on the floor infront of him thinking ‘if you can even feel pain-‘ A robot finger pointed down to the spot beneath his legs. “…under… under my pants…” Your face flushed at the thought that rushed through your head. You wanted to slap yourself for having such thoughts about a robot that is- technically also your coworker!

Your hands shivered as they moved to the top of his red and yellow striped pants. Quickly glancing up you saw that the animatronic was looking at your fingers as if he was completely fascinated by you. You swallowed the saliva that build up in your mouth and quickly pulled Sun’s pants down to his tights.

Relief spread through you as you saw that there wasn’t what you had hoped. But you were also just a little disappointed. “Where exactly does it hurt?”, you asked holding a finger a few centimeters above his supposed crotch. His right arm lifted from the floor and gently held yours. He guided your hand to the point your mind has hoped to touch before knowing there was nothing there. After he removed his hand you looked a little closer. There was a tiny imprint of a square. You looked up at Sundrop. His shoulders were tensed and he looked uncomfortable- as if there was something clamped or stuck. Like a wire for example.

Your hands glazed over the imprint. To your surprise the animatronic’s joints jerked. “Can you feel this?”, you asked. The animatronic nodded and let out a strangled yes. “m-mHHhm!” He was still looking down at you. Your head was so close to his crotch- he didn’t know why but it excited him in a strange way. You pressed down on the plate. Suddenly it wheeled back. But nothing else happened… Great. Now you were left with an animatronic that has a hole at his crotch. Looking up you saw that the animatronic had stopped looking at you. His head was laid back with a quiet static noise coming from his voicebox. Even better! A completely broken animatronic! Great job Y/N!

“Sunny? You still with me?”, you asked, moving your head up just a little. “S-stay there! We aren’t done yet…”, he grumbled. “Ahh- oh this feels go00oOdd~”, he practically moaned. You stayed with your head close to his now missing metalic plate. You were glad he was feeling better and was still running properly. Your eyes snapped back to the hole as you saw something move out of it. You did not know what to think- Because now there was a good 6.4 inch cock sticking out of the previous mystery hole.

The vile and dirty thought flooded back into your head again. “MhhH~” One side of your mind was fighting against it, but the other led your finger to slide along the base. The animatronic shivered, his body rising at the foreign touch. “Starlighhtt!”, Sundrop moaned out as you moved your palm around the appendage. You enclosed your fingers around his member. You moved your hand in rhythmic motions and watched him from down below.

Your mouth was drooling at the scene. With his cock mere inches away from your face, and his eyes struggling to keep their focus on you. Adding to that is the fact that there might still be customers and their children outside of this room. It made for the most erotic scene one could get from this establishment. The animatronics eyes were trying their best to focus on you but the pleasure was so undeniably great that his head was practically forcing itself to lay back.

With his dick so close to you, you took the moment his eyes were on you to lick a straight line from the bottom up. You sucked on the tip and tasted his liquid. It tasted sewet like apples yet the aftertaste was more lemon-flavored.

You once read in a manual that all of the animatronics had their own scented and flavored lubricant. Freddy had a flavor similar to brownies. Chica, of course had pizza, but surprisingly also bubblegum flavored cotton candy. The Daycare animatronic Sun had apple and lemon as a taste. The scent was a mixture of the two. You found that the night-time version of him had lemon and oranges as his flavor. You couldn’t find how the flavor changes in the same animatronic, but you did know that it was used for the oiling of hinges from the animatronics. If there happens to be a leak and children would lick the oil of of the animatronics, your boss would be in big trouble. So Afton Robotics made their lubricant edible.

‘Who would lick a robot??’, one might ask. Well it seems like you are. Your tongue tasted him. It’s like you are addicted to his flavoring. You thought ‘Is this how they change their oil?’. And after another glance up you swore to yourself that you’d change his oil anytime he wants.

Suddenly the animatronic twiches his body into a normal sitting position. Yet he still towered over you. You were a tad intimidated, yet more surprised as Sunny lifted you up. His hands were safely jammed into your armpits as he held you above his hips. He momentarily placed you on his knees. His hands moved down to your hips. Tugging on your pants, he slowly removed them together with your undergarment. Once he freed your legs from the tight uniform, he slid you down his thighs. Now you were sitting in his lap, with his cock being so close to entering you, yet keeping itself only rubbing against you from the outside.

„Mhh… please Sunny…“, you mumbled unconsciously. Without asking, probably because of his voicebox overheating, he moved you a bit and inserted his tip into your wet hole. You bit down on your hand to muffle your sounds. Sundrop on the other hand was letting out partially lagging growling. He sounded like he was in heaven. And like a YouTube video playing while one constantly holds the spacebar-

You wielded in pleasure as you lowered yourself halfway down his warm cock. Your hand rested on the animatronics shoulders. Your head was held low, panting out the hot breaths in your lungs. With your hips finally completely colliding with the others, your juices slowly started to drip down on Sunny. The robots hands held your hips in place. Your head looked back at him with a smile plastered all over your face. His eyes couldn’t choose between your beautiful face or the erotic scene below.

Sun’s hips slowly moved against yours, grinding his appendage into your hole. You mouthed a moan as he thrusted against you. Then again. Soon after your started bouncing on his cock, his hands sticking to your hips still. Your moans were still hitting the palm of your hand, but with the ever more erratic growing movements below, the hold that the other hand had on Sun’s shoulder was continuously getting more unstable.

“Ahh-!”, you moaned/screamed quietly as your hand slipped so that your chest fell onto the animatronic’s. Being as sweet as he is, even in this moment, Sundrop stopped your boths hips and whispered loudly. “Yeez- I’m sorry! A-are you o-ok?!” His voice still lagged to to his voicebox still being hot. He looked at your face, which was drooling onto his warm chestplate. You nodded, getting the drool all over your chin. Sun smiled (?) before continuing nicely thrusting his cock into you.

Now you were quietly moaning against the robots chest. Believe me- if he was capable of it, Sundrop would be drooling too. “Ahh~ mhh- i’m getting close-!”, you softly moaned against him. Sun was in absolute heaven. Your voice, your face, your tits pushing against his chest, the absolute grip you had on his beige colored cock- 10/10 in ratings!

Suddenly you felt another feeling from below. You stopped your thrust for just a moment. “Oh my gooaahd-!”, you moaned out -perhaps a bit to loud. Reason being that you felt Sunny’s pelvis vibrate right against your clit. Tactics changed. Now you were humping his vibrating crotch. The added pleasure almost made you cream his cock.

“Ahh~ I’m about to cum on your cock Sunny- would you want me to? Do you want me to cum on your big cock, Hmm?”, you quickly whispered against where a microphone of his is placed. Sun eagerly nodded in return. Juices were already collecting on the floor, yet there will be more in just a few thrusts. You knew that there would be a meeting about the suspicious puddle that the cleaning personal would need to clean up. But right now you only cared for Sundrop giving you every last drop of his ‘cum’.

You lifted your hips up till only his tip was inside of your wet hole. “Ready?”, you asked. Before you had gotten an answer you quickly dropped yourself onto hig cock. Then again. And by the third time you stayed down as the vibrations threw you overboard. Your hand quickly moved to your mouth to silence your moans. “A-hh!” But suddenly there was a second, louder moan filling the room. Your eyes rolled back as you felt the animatronic’s lemony juices fill up the entirety of your hole.

With the robot removing his cock from your hole, he witnessed all of his fluids dripping out of your hole. His face flushed (?) at the sight as he was so close to overheating.

Luckily your pants weren’t damaged- so after you cleaned yourself up and had gotten dressed you wanted to deal with the “the children-robot has his cock out”-problem. But as you’ve turned around you saw that the robot had disappeared. Running outside of the room, you saw the robot being back like normal. No cock. No no-pants. Playing with the kids. Having fun.

You slimed at the animatronic.

Maybe you do love him.

o——————————————————————o

THATS IT!!! ITS DONE- FINALLY! THE SEQUEL!!!!

Now it’s time to disappear againnn <3

#sundrop #secruity breach sundrop #sundrop/reader #sundrop x reader #fnafsundrop #fnaf sun #smut #fnaf secruity breach #yeah idk #fem!reader

[lost-decade]

A matter of letting go

(Max G/James R, rated T. 1193 words)

For the prompt: “It could’ve been worse; we could've fallen in love.”

Max is quiet, in the emerging light of dawn. James can sense him moving around the room; a strange, vaguely familiar feeling. It’s been months since anyone but himself has occupied this space. An uneasy sensation, tight beneath the skin. Throwback to one of a handful of one night stands he’d had in Tokyo. But hadn’t he been the one doing the sneaking out before sunrise most of those times?

A kiss on the cheek, thanks for the orgasm.

He presses his face into the pillow, pulling the covers tighter around him. Swaddled against the world. It gets cold on the Cote d’Azur in winter, he hadn’t anticipated that when he moved here. 6am and no heat on is cold. He opens his eyes, watches the muscles in Max’s back flex and ripple as he stretches to pull on his t-shirt. The fabric falls in a dance around his waist. When he turns, James can make out the dark circles of his nipples through the white cotton, hardened with the chill. James’ teeth had grazed them, just a few hours ago, his tongue laving them to peaks, eliciting sounds he knows he won’t forget. Along with the scent of Max’s skin, familiar, but dialled up a notch between his thighs. Or the taste of his come, faint trace still lingering in James’ mouth even now.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Max says, when he catches James staring. He sits down on the side of the bed, jostling James’ cocoon a little. If he doesn’t wash the sheets, how long before the smell of the two of them fades?

“You didn’t, I’m normally up by now. It’s too cold.”

Max rolls the top of his socks a little before he pulls them on, James notices.

“I’m. I have to…my flight.”

Ahh, yeah. His flight to Mexico.

Mexico and a beautiful young man, barely more than a stranger. Getting lost in the street markets. The way he’d licked his lips after the tacos they’d eaten. Nerves about the season twisting in James’ belly. The enormity of what he’d taken on hitting him. A year ago. Another life.

“Have a good flight,” James says, sitting up, propping the pillows behind him. “You’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” It makes him feel a little stronger, being upright, but the duvet slips, and his chest is bare except for the restrained hunger of Max’s gaze.

Max nods. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Thanks.”

What was there last night is absent now, the mask affixed into place again. It can’t be good for him, James thinks, to give so little of himself, and so rarely; to be consummately professional all the time. Everything held tightly to his chest, no cracks. Not like last night.

Last night James swears Max had been crying, his eyes bloodshot, the skin around the corners blotchy where he must have rubbed them. Standing on the doorstep with all his courage.

Even after Cape Town, when it felt like the whole team was imploding, James hadn’t seen him cry, his tone clipped after the race but the façade still impenetrable. Last night he was bare, split open for James to see. It felt like a gift. One he should have turned down. If he was strong enough.

Months ago he would have done, yet something has severed within James through the last year. It’s as if in trying to take care of everyone around him, he’s completely neglected to salve his own wounds. Now they’re inoperable. The self-help accounts he’s followed on Instagram don’t have the answers. Eat healthily. Sleep well. Lower your screen time. Exercise regularly. Spend time with people who value your company.

He’s tried meditation, scrolled the dating apps.

He’d feared something like last night the most. That this might help. Help and simultaneously make him feel as if his soul has been ripped out. A stronger man would have said no. André, never one to think about consequences, would have said go for it, bro. James is neither. His conscience bites. It shouldn’t, really, there’s nothing that ties them now. And Max is not a stranger to sex with men; James had figured this out before their clothes hit the floor.

This is not a path to self-preservation.

Max lifts his hand. It hovers between them, as if he can’t make up his mind. James makes it for him, reaching out and sliding his fingers into the gaps between Max’s, squeezing. Thinking about last night.

//

“I don’t think I can do this without you.”

Max, skin damp from the rain, hair falling in his eyes. Not crying but close. The rare gift of seeing him not put together, cracked open. It’s just coincidence, all this, James tries to persist in thinking. They had both been new to the team together, that’s all. They had found their way together, found a way to win. Formed a bond that would enable Max to keep winning, with James there to support him.

“You’ve got this.” James tells him, leading him over to the sofa, sitting him down. I’ve got you, he remembers saying, on the grid in Jakarta. He'd forgotten that, until he'd seen it on screen, seen himself laid bare. The way the camera had captured how he looked at Max felt like too much. James wonders if he's watched it too, if he noticed.

It’s been months of barely any contact, a text or two, a suggestion of coffee that James had ignored. “You’re amazing, Max. You’re going to be fine.”

“I need to tell you something.” Max raises his head, looking at James properly, a sweeping glance that isn’t inhibited; there’s no looking away. James had been watching the tennis, turned down low on the TV now, a blur of rackets and lines missed from the corner of his eye.

“I know Max. I know.” The look in his eyes: pure desire. Of course James knows.

Kissing someone you’ve adored for so long, for the first time. Kissing Max. It would be bullshit to say it feels different, unique. Just…right. He knew it would be.

//

The sun fills the gaps around the curtains, hints of rosy sky, the night slipping away.

“So, I’ll go home first,” Max says, awkwardly. “There’s a car collecting me to go to the airport.”

James nods, but doesn’t let go of his hand. Take me with you, he wants to say. I can be what you need. Part of him believes it, even though it’s impossible. “You’ll have a good season, I can feel it,” he says instead.

“Yeah. I’ll give it everything.” Max leans forward, rests his forehead against James’ for a moment, the two of them breathing shallowly. James brings their joined hands up to his lips, kisses Max’s knuckles. “I should go.” Max tries to spur himself into action, but he remains, brushes his lips against James’, a ghost touch, and then he does have to go; turning away and retrieving his hoodie from the chair.

“I guess it could’ve been worse,” he says, with his back to James, so quietly that the words are barely audible. “We could have fallen in love.”

#fe fic #max/james #inspired by unplugged #the I've got you ended me okay #might put this on ao3 later but i'm kinda not totally happy with it idk

[frecklystars]

I just got back from the emergency room.

At 6am, an irl friend (doesn’t have a tumblr) with good intentions thought I needed to see a NSFT commission my abuser purchased of her with STSC, I’m too tired to explain why, they thought they were bringing something to my attention about her lying to me about the STSC commissions from January, but like I literally already knew bc I was there 5 months ago when the lies happened? Which is what made STSC a trigger in the first place???

Anyway of course seeing my abuser is a major trigger, I can never handle it, it’s not something I can work on reclaiming. and it’s even worse seeing my main comfort character she ruined as the main commission piece… with her. like that

So. This commission was a NSFT commission of her and STSC together. Just, showing up on my phone after my friend sends me the image with a “thought you should know” caption. Felt sick immediately looking at it. Dropped my phone without even closing it out. Immediately threw up, been throwing up all night so it’s just water now

I told my friend I couldn’t look at things like that, I told them I don’t want them digging up stuff on her blogs and I definitely don’t want them showing me anything holy fucking christ I just want to forget she exists. I said this nicely of course. They apologized. I said it was fine. I’m crying my eyes out bc I’m trying to get the image out of my head. I hang up the phone. I tell myself it’s ok I have therapy in a few hours. Spoiler alert I don’t make it to therapy

Ten minutes later I get that feeling in my chest like it’s being crushed, went thru this twice before in the last few months when I saw other commissions of her posted on artists kofi pages. I try to remember it’s like the other two times I had crushing panic attacks, it will pass in a few hours, but my vision was getting black spots every so often, I’m sweating and shaking more than I usually do when this happens, I felt my left arm starting to go numb. I thought “uh oh that’s new”. Nobody else is home so I sat there wondering if I can afford to call for an ambulance. I call my dad he doesn’t pick up. I call again. He says “I don’t have time for you I have customers” and hangs up. Father of the year. I call my friends they’re all at work so they’re unable to answer. I sit there and wonder if I can afford another fucking hospital visit. My left arm is still numb. I feel my toes start to go numb. I sit there another good ten minutes telling myself to just deal with it because this is so fucking stupid. I feel my right arm starting to lose feeling. My dog is whining at me. I call 911

So another ten minutes later I’m in an ambulance, they immediately tell me I’m having a heart attack. I am torn between “fuck what the fuck? no fucking way what the fuck I’m in my early 20s what do you mean I’m having a goddamn heart attack? Over a trigger? Can a trigger give you a heart attack?? ” and also thinking “oh my god I hope this kills me please fuckjng kill me I can’t take this shit anymore god if you’re real you need to take me right now I am so sick of feeling this bad I can’t do this anymore if you’re gonna take me out then just make the heart attack quick”

I pass out

I wake up in a room and the doctors do a different type of heart test. One hour later they tell me I’m not having a heart attack and they actually misread the machine’s readings or something (which is common apparently, and the same thing happened to my dad back in August, he got false heart attack readings as well). I’m barely hearing what they’re saying bc I can’t read their lips and they’re talking too fast and not facing me directly. They keep me for 5 hours and run another test to confirm I’m not having a heart attack., or rather by that point, that I have no trace of any heart attacks. Just the worst fucking panic attacks that kept happening in succession

they say I’m having so much anxiety that it’s “worrying” and they shouldn’t be seeing levels of anxiety in someone my age. they asked if I’ve been anxious about anything particular lately I start crying I say YES I just had a major c-ptsd trigger, I’ve been stress-vomiting on and off for several hours before I even saw the trigger, and I’ve been very high alert/on edge very jittery for two days before THAT. so it’s like my brain had been building this up to happen for two days

they ask for how long I’ve had anxiety on a consistent basis like this and when the stress started and I answer it’s been like this for almost 10 months straight and then they said Oh Miss Keri you’re going to definitely have heart attacks if you don’t try to address this soon you can’t keep continuing like this and I say Oh Doctor I’m going to therapy and doing breathing exercises and meditating and before one week ago I hadn’t accessed ANY of my social media in 8 fucking months. What else can I possibly do. Genuinely. Please. Help me. And they said I basically just need to keep doing breathing exercises and therapy and drink more water and I was like. Fuck. Okay. What else. They said there is nothing else I just need to “take it easy” and I was like. Fuck! Okay!

They asked me if any of my other ptsd triggers gave me this reaction, I said no it’s literally just this one particular trigger (seeing my abuser) that sends me into a panic attack that makes me feel like my chest is getting crushed. They said to try to avoid that and I was like “okay yes” like hoo I am trying my fuckjng best here but it’s hard when! ppl keep showing me my abuser! saying oh Keri she’s talking about you and oh look keri she’s doing this and this and this oh keri see who’s talking about you in her blog see who’s saying your ptsd is fake because you drew yourself in a pink shirt 8 months ago. before the ptsd even started. bc the reading comprehension is piss poor here. ooh keri how can you have ptsd if you own a pink shirt!!!!

ppl Keep talking about her and sometimes I see her by accident when I want to check an artist’s blog and she’s right there. Obviously it’s within her rights to buy commissions, and this time I didn’t even see the comm directly sourced from her or an artist, it was my irl friend who sent it. It’s so fucking hard for me to relax when people keep talking to me about her and trying to tell me that she’s “spreading rumors about me” or “tagging me in posts” like. I don’t want to know!!! I don’t want to see her I hate her so much I will probably never forgive her for ruining me. I wish ppl wouldn’t bring her up with me !!! and it rly sucks that I have to risk seeing her Literally Everywhere bc, yes it’s within her rights to get comms from whomever she wants whenever she wants, but oh my fucking god. it’s like she is omnipresent in the tf self shipping community i have to jump thru hoops to avoid her and I can never manage one single week without seeing something and it is frustrating. I hate that I had to have such a bad falling out with a person who is nearly impossible to avoid seeing despite me blocking and blacklisting and filtering. It’s the goddamn worst. I wish we never met.

I’m sick of seeing the inside of hospitals. Sick of the smell and the beeping sounds. I want to die so bad rn I’m so sick of this happening

HATE HATE HATE that my stupid fucking traumatized brain cannot stand the image of my abuser. Hate even more that my brain associates seeing characters being affectionate with her, with the very feeling that the image provokes, and uses it as “proof” that my f/os want to hurt me, want me to feel this bad and would do it all for her. Seeing STSC be tender with the person triggering me, it does something to my brain to make me believe he doesn’t love me, I don’t know how to word it properly I’m not a fuckinf therapist and I haven’t slept properly in over 24 hours.

I Cannot see myself healing I am doing so fucking bad. Like how do I possibly recover from ptsd when it grips me by the throat and strangles me. How am I going to heal fro this if I can’t avoid her. I’ can’t just drop tf I can’t just stop self shipping I can’t just leave for another 8 months, nothing is working. I am trying everything. I tried dying multiple times when I was offline for those 8 months and hahah that didn’t fucking work either!! I am in hell!!! I just want my f/os back I want to stop being scared of them I want to believe STSC would never want me to shake like this and cry like tiis but there’s a voice in my head saying that he’ wants to hurt me, that he feels good whe I’m broken up like this. that image of him with her, seeing that while having the attack, it’s like my brain is saying “see! Look! I was right! He hates you and loves it when she hurts you! See!! See how much he loves her when she’s hurting you”

I just want to go back to normal. I hate that I can’t function. I miss myself so much I have no idea how to function like a whole entire person. I’m sorry to my friends who have to see me like this. I’m sorry to my followers who keep saying I’m their inspiration, I don’t know what you could possibly see in me when I’m like this

I’ll delete this later I am going to sleep bc I missed my therapy appointment and I am fuckjng exhausted

#vomit mention and suicide mention #delete later #vent

[foster-the-world]

Long Day

Had a fun Bday party for baby boy last night. He was amp'd up and very cute. Just the inlaws + my Mom - which was perfect. When the kids went to bed I met up with a friend for Bday drinks. I think she was happy I made the effort to come. Always nice to get out for a bit. Then I couldn't sleep all night.

Baby boy started crying at 6am. Was confused as he's been sleeping past 8am everyday. Turns out he was sick :( The wheezing was intense. The nursing exam I had yesterday include respiratory disorders in children. We had to watch videos of wheezing, stridor, etc. We learned it looked bad but normally worked itself out. He only had a temperature of 99.2. All of this made me feel better even though I know as a nursing student I have zero credentials to make any medical decisions. Sent his Doctor a video and she said to go to the ER. He was a hot mess there. Poor kid was not interested in getting his temperature taken, weight on the scale, etc, etc. Luckily, we were the only ones there and everyone was very nice. Eventually he passed out so I was able to give him the nebulizer and a steroid. He woke up 20 minutes later back to his normal self + some congestion symptoms. They still kept us for another 2.5 hours but it was fine.

My husband and I were supposed to go Upstate to clear out our personal belongings today/tmrw. We only have 2-3 open days before new renters come and our handyman was meeting us there to help. So he went ahead and I stayed behind with baby boy.

Very glad to have my Mom and her extra hands. Baby boy is normally clingy to me. Poor kid being sick double timed his clinginess. I was happy to have him lay on me all day long. I felt so bad for him.

In-laws were scheduled to pick the girls up from camp. Rebel threw a big fit because they would not buy her an Icee. As mentioned, she's having a terrible time recently. Lots of temper tantrums that are not her norm. Both girls were supposed to spend the night at their house. I told them to bring her home. Then they called me to convince her to get in the car seat. Luckily, she did. Throughout this I was at the pharmacy trying to sort out a mishap with the nebulizer order. So glad baby boy was home with my Mom. I had to drag her kicking and screaming from the car. I was proud of myself for being very Zen. Baby boy is obsessed with me so stuck to me like glue while I tried to be with her. He was very sweetly giving her kisses and hugs. Sweet boy doesn't like to see his big sister upset. She eventually calmed down. I hope we can figure out what's going on soon. She wakes up guns a-blazing more often than not nowadays. I remember Bee had a period of a few months where she also had big feelings. I'm hoping this is the same and she's just having some type of developmental spurt that brings out some big feelings.

My Mom asked me if "I feel sorry for what she went through with me" now. I assume I was no walk in the park growing up. She did say "except you handle it much better than I do." She said I'm much nicer than she is. I'm not sure she thinks that is a compliment. She def doesn't adhere to the RIE parenting model. I try to but unfortunately I'm not always so nice. I find I'm much less forgiving in the morning. I've never been a morning person. Need to make some plans to get around that.

Long day. Done now. Thankfully baby boy is on the mend.

[marvelousjj]

Some people have been checking on me to see what's bee going on with life. I figured I would post here about what's been going on. I'm gonna put most of it under a read more so nobody gets triggered. Might delete this later. I'm just feeling really down lately and could use some support.

First I have to take you way back to my senior year of highschool. For context I'm turning 33 in March. My parents were going camping, I was going to a performance I was in, and my brother was going out of town for a conference. My parents and step brothers went first, then I left, followed by my brother. I was called suddenly being told my mom was picking me up and I had to be outside waiting. After a silent car ride home we arrive to find a cop car waiting. After being interrogated for an hour the cop leaves. Why was the cop there? My parents claimed they came home to the door open and drugs on the coffee table. They said nothing was stolen. I took a drug test, came up negative for everything (and was even supervised while taking the test). I went to be crying that night and the following morning I was woken up at 6am saying my step dad would be home at noon for lunch and I had to be gone by then.

I had a whole second year of highschool I had to do. I didn't know how to live on my own, and suddenly I was sitting in a diner with a duffle bag, and not knowing where to go. I got up, I found a place to stay eventually, and I graduated the next year. All without my parents help.

Now...We can fast forward to present day...

I had moved back home after a very nasty breakup of a toxic relationship that lasted 3 years. This is after a long time of working on getting myself back on top, being diagnosed with debilitating anxiety and ptsd from said event that happened when I was in highschool. My mom came to me with information that my dad was gambling all their money away. Like, her whole savings. Then one morning I wake up to find I slept through my mom finding him smoking (and this is in his words) not meth but the closest thing he could make with over the counter stuff. She kicked him out and said she wanted a divorce. Little more context. I have an 8 year old child and have a history with my biological dad of drug abuse, so I have quite a bit of issues with that stuff. After FOUR DAYS he comes over in the middle of the night, and she lets him sleep over without telling my brother and I. When she comes downstairs and tells us he's moving back in, we both explained why we weren't comfortable with it, she had nothing to say.

I was heartbroken. I was basically told that after I didn't do anything all those years ago, I was kicked out, but all he had to say was sorry and he got to come right back. When I asked for an explanation (never even got an im sorry after all these years) he explained to me that there were other children in the house they needed to think about? And that if CPS got called they would lose all the kids? I had proven my innocence only to find out it didn't matter. I was a scape goat for my parents.

So my brother and I looked for a place, and I told my parents I wasn't interested in hearing anything they had to say and bid them a wonderful life. This apparently has caused my mother to harass me with messages (until finally I gave her one final warning to back off and now she has blocked me), saying my brother and I have given her ptsd over it, and claiming that I'm doing things like pulling the victim card. She even talks about me in chat like I'm not even there.

I can't go a single day without having a panic attack. I'm constantly on edge, my sleep schedule is all out of whack, and on top of that I'm getting ready to start life over in Indiana.

I don't know why I wrote this...other than it's really lonely right now. I feel like that same scared teenager and I'm realizing that my parents were never really in my corner. I guess I'm just looking for support. I'm not very good at making friends in person so a lot of people on here are my support circle.

Anyways...I'm gonna go try and find something to do. Thanks for reading if you did. And know you are loved and appreciated.

#⧗┊ protocols ooc. #tw depression #tw gambling addiction #tw drug abuse #tw gaslighting #might delete later

[agirldying]

a little update

I got the Mirena iud yesterday morning and I just wanted to talk about my experience because I feel like it's not often talked about and I think it's important that people know what getting it can look like. If medical procedures and problems squick you out or trigger you then feel free to skip this post (it's long).

Honestly I was really excited to get it done, I really had my game face on and I was like "What's the worst that could happen?"

So the gyno told me to take cytotec vaginally the night before which I didn't realize is literally a labor induction pill but. I took it at like 10pm and went to bed early because the appointment was for 9am and not only does it take an hour to get there but I was instructed to take 600mg of motrin an hour before the procedure.

I woke up at 2am to cramping that was worse than my periods which are usually heavy and painful. I decided to take a motrin but the cramping was so bad I started convulsing and shaking and for a moment I wondered if I should go to the hospital but tried to just go back to sleep knowing I had to wake up early.

Then I woke up at 4 and went to the bathroom just to cramp over the toilet, at this point I felt a little nauseous so I sat in front of the toilet for a while but nothing came up so I decided to just go back to bed. I went back to the bathroom a couple times and it started frustrating me to the point where I remember crying but not being able to shed any tears. I remember lying wide awake in bed staring at the clock reading 4:38am, just in so much pain that I started dissociating. I felt the pain spreading from my uterus to my ovaries, then my thighs, then my stomach.

Then I woke up at 6am, went back to the bathroom, and as I was heading back to bed I realized that I was much more nauseous than before, especially while walking, and at this point I just wanted to get it over with so I grabbed my garbage pail and walked around until I started dry heaving and then I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I sat on the bathroom floor until my nausea subsided and woke my mom up to tell her I had thrown up, so we ended up starting our morning at 6:30 in the morning.

I waited impatiently for 8am to take the motrin. Dumbass me took 6. I legitimately thought 1 pill = 100mg. 1 pill actually = 200mg. So I had accidentally overdosed on motrin but didn't know. Right after I took the pills I had 2 slices of banana and morsels of a chocolate chip muffin I bought from the grocery store. I wanted to eat more but I was literally forcing myself to chew. I felt so weak that I kept dropping my head and arms and when I got in the car (my mom drove) I put the seat back and lied down. But not even 15 minutes into the drive I sat up and hunched over in pain, and just started crying because I was looking around at everyone walking on the street and envying their painlessness.

The next eventful part was when the procedure actually started and I told my gyno about the previous night and morning, and she was surprised and apologetic, and said that its uncommon to react severely like that.

The procedure itself really wasn't that bad, they injected some numbing medication in my uteran opening (i don't know terms leave me alone lol) and then used a clamp thing to hold it open. my uterus rejected the iud the first try but the second try worked and let me tell you. The feeling the first few minutes of that iud inside me was SO painful, not only did I feel it in my entire uterus but my lower back as well, and the pain was so severe that I started shaking again and threw up my breakfast.

Thankfully the nurses were really nice and they pet me and let me rest until my body calmed down and then they gave me an ultrasound to make sure the iud was in place. Then I told the gyno that I had taken 6 motrin and she stared at me and was like,,, that's double what you should've taken. and I was like... uh oh. what might happen? and she said renal failure, i asked what that meant, and she said kidney failure, and i was like oh shit. so she left the room, came back in after a while and asked how much i weigh so she could determine the toxicity level, but then she realized that I had very likely thrown it up with my breakfast and just let me rest for a bit longer to make sure I wasn't dizzy. She also said that I could've been throwing up because of how much motrin I ingested as well.

Soon enough I was cleared to get dressed and leave. When I got dressed I realized that there was a lot of blood on the table so I decided to go to the bathroom and put a pad on. What was interesting was that as soon as my body calmed down I still felt an aching in my uterus but it was just localized to the uterus as opposed to the cramping I was feeling in my ovaries from the cytotec. So somehow the iud overrode the cramping from the pill and honestly I was perfectly fine with that since this was a dull ache in comparison.

The pain very quickly went away entirely and I am no longer in any kind of pain but my body is still incredibly fatigued from the lack of sleep, the pain, throwing up, and also just the shaking. I took a long nap when I got home and now (the next day) I'm actually still really weak but other than that I'm feeling good.

If you read this whole thing than here's your special medal:

#text #vent #tw #iud #mirena iud #cytotec #misoprostol #birth control

[theonlyratinalberta]

What do Back Alleys Mean to you?

To me they mean separation anxiety, running out to the drive way to coax my parents out of their silver beater car and desperately trying to persuade them to stay home from what is probably their first date night in years.

They mean pulling my sister on one of those cheap plastic sleds with the rope attached on our way to the playground. It’s the first time we’re allowed to walk alone. The sun is out and the snow is wet and slippery. When we get home, the indoor lighting seems unusually orange. We stayed out so long that the light reflecting off the snow messed with our eyes, it takes a few moments to adjust.

They mean riding up to the gate as fast as I can on my pink Barbie bike because mom said I had to be home when the sun started to set, the sky is pink and fluffy and I’ll call this type of sunset cotten candy for the rest of my life.

They mean indulging in so much raw, unwashed, rhubarb, sprinkled with sugar that I lost my taste for a week. I don’t know if it’s fully recovered to this day, maybe that’s why I’m the only person in my family who can handle spice.

They mean me at 18 years old, maybe 19. The dead of winter, must have met the boy with long hair and a denim jacket close to midnight. I’m so cold I can’t feel the tips of my fingers. I still don’t get home until 4am. He drops me off at home through the shovelled alley and walks up the hill to his. Our paths cross here and there and he teaches me that intrigue is a habit that dies hard but doesn’t actually mean anything at all.

They mean chasing after my tiny fat beagle with the crooked tail and my slightly less tiny, slightly less fat beagle with the tear in her ear because someone left the gate open, again. They never went far, we always found them together. I think Copper just liked to visit the neighbours and Lucy was just along for the party. Dragging them both by the collar like a two headed Cerberus because I was in too much of a panic to find a leash, nothing is ever in its place in this house. A neighbour from across the way says “you know a leash might help with that.” I think “Yea man thanks for the advice.”

They mean a particular rainy evening, just days after ending things with a particular someone. Garbage everywhere, dents in the gravel filled with water forming puddles I’m almost enticed to splash in at 21 years old, sky pink and fluffy, again. Cotton candy. The air should smell rotten, household scraps decomposing as we speak but instead it feels fresh and cold and my lungs feel full for the first time in three years.

They mean taking the short cut to work at the old folks home, j-walking across about 10 blocks, feeling a bit unsafe at 6am when the sun isn’t out yet, all because I couldn’t be bothered to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary, on principle.

They mean being yelled at in a different certain someone’s car because I was late, again. Begged them to be honest, “Tell me how you feel, I can handle it, I want us to feel comfortable communicating. Honestly I’d rather you scream at me than pretend everything’s fine.” I’m crying now, maybe couldn’t handle it as well as I thought. I thank them for yelling at me.

A couple months later, they mean avoiding the same alleyway because my parking spot is perpetually empty now and I can’t handle it. It hurts to take the garbage out.

They mean new cars in my parking spot, belonging to people who were welcomed into this particular alley for a short, particular time. I thank them for filling the space for the moment but I ask that they don’t come back. The person who led them up those back alley stairs is a ghost now.

Sometimes they mean walking home from work at the grocery store when it’s dark out, “rape whistle” (it’s really just a regular whistle my boss from the daycare gave me, a metal one on a red lanyard) already tucked between my lips, 5’3 and constantly on guard. I really should move.

On a happier note, they often mean entering my apartment from the parking lot instead of the front door, tip-toeing up the stairs trying not to alert my tuxedo cat that I’m home. She’ll be waiting at the door of my 4th floor unit to make her great escape.

It’s silly to be so sentimental of a place deliberately hidden from passerby, a place primarily made for garbage pickups, smoking, edibles, tiny bottles of peach, pineapple, and green apple soju with a couple of girls you just met, furniture with “please take” signs made of loose leaf and sharpie. Maybe they just mean: this is a place between where you are and where you want to be, a place for core memories, the ones that proceed or follow the really big things. The quiet moments where you calmly take a breath to process and accept the dingey parts of you.

#poetry #childhood #sunset #memories #pink #photography #rant #alleyways

[automatismoateo]

i hate easter sunday... via /r/atheism

i hate easter sunday... (marked nsfw for mentions of su*cide) So my (20F) family wanted me to come back to our sister's house for easter break, and originally I didn't wanna go but had to because I had other errands to do and going just made them easier. My family knows I'm atheist, but they pretend I'm not and then act all stupid when I say I don't wanna go to church with them. I've always had issues with them forcing me to go to church (especially my mom), but there's only been a couple times where I've been successful in staying home. Today is one of those days, but it didn't go too well. The church service was at 9:30am, and they wanted to leave at 9am. I only take like 10-15 minutes to get ready in the morning because I don't really do makeup or get super dolled up (especially for church, obvi), so I didn't feel like getting up until at least a bit after 8:30am. My mom woke up at 6am and my sister woke up at 7am to get ready. Every now and then, they were yelling at me to get up, but I would just check the time and go back to sleep. At one point, my mom said, "You can't just sleep in through everything. How are your bosses gonna feel if you can't get up for work?" Like, first of all, it's only 8am, and I'm not gonna wake up that early just to be ready that fast and then wait for something I don't even wanna go to. Secondly, I actually wanna GO to my dream job, so I don't have any problem getting up for that. Church has made me depressed and su*cidal for 5 years now (I started s/h before my birthday in February), but college hasn't; I think it's pretty obvious which one I'd rather go to. Eventually, I got tired of them being condescending and just decided to sleep in and not go. When I was half asleep, I heard this conversation... Mom: "OP, we have to leave in 13 minutes. Why aren't you getting up?" Sister: "Is she seriously not getting up? I swear she does this every time..." Mom: "There's just no way to reason with her." Sister: starts crying and screaming "OP are you seriously not gonna go to church?! I'm supposed to be singing in the choir today and you're ruining it by not even being there!" Sister (to Mom): "Why can't she just think of someone other than herself for once..." Even though I've wasted my entire mental health trying to make THEM happy by going to church... Sister: "UGHHHH now I'm crying and my makeup looks horrible. I feel ugly now because you won't wake up. Now my throat hurts from crying. You of all people should know how hard it is to sing with a bad throat, OP!" For clarification, I'm a music ed major. So, yes, I've had my days where singing was rough from sickness, crying, or whatever. I was still half asleep (so I couldn't move or anything) when she walked over and yelled, "I know you can hear me, OP! Just get up already!" Then my mom said, "Don't bother; she's not gonna listen. We'll talk to her about it when we get back." As they were walking out the door, my sister said, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to walk into church after you've been crying?" And then they left. I do know how embarrassing it is to cry in church...because I do it every time I'm FORCED to go... It just annoys me that they think me not wanting to go to church is just me being lazy and inconsiderate, when I'm really just burnt out from all the sacrifices I'm forced to make for them. I wish I could just leave early, but I can't until tomorrow. I hate how today is supposed to be a day of "rebirth" for christians, yet they decide to treat me like that. I just wish I could cut them out of my life already... Submitted March 31, 2024 at 04:44PM by uwu_bunny_boo (From Reddit https://ift.tt/USGugMa)

#reddit

[miekasa]

Mie, I’m begging for some Jean college au bf hcs - im literally so down bad for this man and the way you write men is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Absolutely, not a problem 😌 I saved this ask as a draft a while ago when you sent it, sorry for just now getting to it. Anyway, I love Jean with my whole heart, best boy, best boyfriend <33

King of forehead kisses, and not even just because of his height in comparison to yours; he just likes it. He likes the feeling of pressing his lips against your skin, and making you feel safe.

Brings you tea or coffee however you like it every day without fail. If he can get it to you in the morning before work/school then he’ll do that, if not he’ll meet you some time in the middle of the day to drop it off. Your own personal courier just for drinks.

He… has a thing for long(er) nails. He loves the feeling of them against his skin, even if you’re not scratching to apply pressure—just you holding his hand them grazing his skin is enough for him.

That being said, he will pay for you to get your nails done. Actually, he’ll pay for… almost anything you want, but the nails benefit him as much as they do you so feel free to ball out.

He never blowdries his hair because he doesn’t... know how to do the back of it. You did it for him once and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it since, but he’s also too embarrassed to ask you to do/style it again.

On the subject of hair, he does do his best to style it and take care of it, but he’s a sucker whenever you play with it. Sometimes he feigns like you’re messing up all his hard work, but he’ll literally crane his head into your touch. He loves it. 

The first time he lays on top of you and you run your hands through his hair... top 10 most euphoric moments of his life. He tries to fight off the sleep threatening to take over him, but it’s futile. Give it 15 minutes at most before he’s knocked out like a baby. 

Dogs love him. Anytime you’re in a park or just taking a walk and there’s a dog around, it’ll come up to him and he looks adorable leaning down to pet it. He loves dogs, too! So he’s always happy to stop and pet them. He’d be a 10/10 dog dad. 

Has your name saved in his phone with two hearts at the end. Do not point it out.

Loves taking pictures together and if you guys are on a date, he’ll ask someone to get a picture for him. He just likes having them to look back on (and to send to his mom, later).

He doesn’t mind painting classes or videos or tutorials, but he hates paint by numbers kits. He claims that they have no sense of color theory and that it takes the originality and fun out of painting. Not to mention the quality of the paints isn’t great to begin with; all of which he takes very seriously.

It’s pretty cute actually, to see him get worked up over the paint kits. He claims that painting and drawing isn’t even something he takes “that seriously,” it’s just a hobby for him (one he’s insanely good at); but in moments like these, you can tell that he’s way more into art and art theory and history than he lets on. 

Huge movie guy, from animated movies to martial arts movies, Jean is usually willingly to give anything a watch at least once. When he’s high, he can go on about his favorite directors and art styles and movie details for hours if you don’t stop him. It’s super cute. Just don’t bring up Moana, because he’ll start crying. 

Arm around the shoulder kind of boyfriend for sure. It’s a casual way of keeping you near him and letting everyone know that you guys are together. Plus it allows for him to easily pull you into him for a quick forehead kiss when needed.

Listen. If you hug his arm, he’s on cloud nine. He tries to be nonchalant about it but he’s about three seconds away from his eyes rolling back in his head it feels that good to him. Bonus if you lean your head on his bicep a little—then he’s a goner.

He takes his bagels very seriously and believes that both you and him deserve nothing but the best quality bagels. He’ll grumble if a bakery gives you guys a less than favorable one and make a note that taking the long route to get to his favorite place is much more worth it.

Always makes you walk on the side furthest from the cars. If he notices you’re not, he’ll just shuffle behind you until he’s shouldering the street and you’re on the inside. 

He grew up on a kind of modern ranch situation; not exactly all the way in the countryside, but not isolate from the city, either. Because of this, he knows how to ride horses, take care of smaller farm animals, tend to plants, and yes he knows how to use a lasso. You wouldn’t know any of that though, because he never ever talks about it. The only way you find out is when he takes you to visit his mom’s house for the first time, and she asks him for a hand around the place. 

(He’s got a cowboy hat, too, but refuses to put it on. He got it when he was, like, nine, okay, leave him alone). 

When he thinks you look tired, he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders to hug you. It’s usually followed up with a kiss to your head, and a promise that you guys will go home soon and get food on the way. 

He’s a really good cook. He just understands and flavors and pairings really well, so he doesn’t need a recipe to make something that tastes good; he just kind of knows what to add to get the balance he’s looking for. 

Naturally, he’ll cook for you. Especially if he finds out that you haven’t eaten all day/in a long time. He doesn’t care if it’s 11pm and it might seem excessive to make steak and potatoes with a side salad at this hour, he’s gonna do it to make sure you eat, and you are going to sit there and watch. 

He also bakes pretty well, though he isn’t as experimental with his baking as he is with his cooking. He usually sticks to what he knows, and it’s not cupcakes and brownies and cakes; he’s better at croissants, and cheesecakes, and canelés. 

Dating Jean means getting along with his friends. If you guys didn’t know each other before you started dating, be prepared to be ambushed by Connie and Sasha (after Jean stops hiding you away and gives them the green light lmfao). Neither of them waste time with the small talk and formalities; straight into mini golfing and beer pong. They make you feel welcome right away.

Sasha always teases that you’re too good for Jean, and that she might just steal you away for herself some day. Sasha is also Jean’s main confidant, so she really knows just how much he loves you, and yeah, she teases him for being lovesick, but really she’s happy for Jean. And proud of him for facing his feelings like this. 

Connie adores you, and you know he trusts you when he starts going to you for advice/help. Could be anything from schoolwork, to what color he should get his new shoes in. He’s also the one who, surprisingly, you have the sentimental talks with about your relationship with Jean. It’s easy to overlook, but Connie loves Jean, and he’s come to love you too; he just wants you both to be happy, so he’s there to listen when you need it. 

Jean waits outside of your classroom after you’ve had a test or presentation, usually with a drink or a snack, or the promise of taking you out as a treat. Always tells you he’s proud of you, and is there to comfort you if you think you didn’t do too well. 

He does not shut up about whatever major you’re in. It could be the same as his; it could be the complete opposite as his. He thinks it’s so sick that you’re doing it, you make it look cooler, you make it look better, and he’s certain you’re the smartest person in your program. 

He’s pretty serious about his studies, too, so he’s always down to study with you in the library whenever you’re both free. More often than not, he shows up after you, usually with food or extra chargers. He greets you with a kiss on the forehead, and asks you how you are while massaging your shoulders gently. If it’s been a while since you took a break, that’s the first item on the list, after that, he gets to work and stays with you until you’re ready to go, even if he doesn’t have as much work to do. 

He always sits across from you. This goes for when you’re in the library, or out to eat at a restaurant; Jean loves sitting across from you. He gets to see your face the best that way, and he adores looking into your eyes when you talk. 

He’s not... not a morning person. He’s not up at 6am ready to grind, but he wakes up before noon; let’s say 10am is his happy medium. That being said, if you wake up before him, regardless of the time, there’s a 9/10 chance he’ll lay on your back and tell you to hush so you guys can sleep for 10 more minutes. 

If you’re (close) friends with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, Jean is... happy you’ve got people to rely on, but, “Of all people on the planet, you put your trust in Jaeger?” He acts so bitter (because he is), but deep down inside, he’s glad you have Eren to rely on if you need to. 

(Also, you have to humble him and remind him that he and Eren aren’t all that different. If you like him, why wouldn’t you get along with Eren, bye). 

Turns out though, that it’s not Eren who threatens to beat him up if he breaks your heart. It’s not even Mikasa, although, her threat goes without saying; it’s Armin he’s terrified of.

The last time Armin hated someone, it was this guy in your program, who happened to share a few mutual classes with him, too. Jean never knew the full story, just that he’s pretty sure that kid dropped out the following semester. 

If you have a job on campus, Jean usually doesn’t show up while you’re working (knowing how embarrassed he would be if you did that to him), unless you work the night shift and it’s dead. Connie, however, does show up; usually in some kind of crisis (“Please help me, I don’t know what the fuck APA formatting is and this is due tonight, please, please, please!!”). Your coworkers actually thought Connie was your boyfriend for a minute. That’s when Jean starts showing up more lmfao.

He makes it a point to go on a scheduled, night out, kind of date at least twice a month. He knows life gets busy with school and work and midterms, but he always makes sure you both set side a time to take a well-deserved break and be with each other. 

He’s the romantic type, so these dates are pretty swoon worthy, too. Drive-in movies, nice dinners, classy art exhibits, Jean plans it all. On that note, he really likes planning dates; he just doesn’t like talking about them with his friends beforehand. 

All in all, very romantic, very precious boyfriend. He’s always thinking about you, what you need, and how he can help you out. You’re one of his main priorities, and he just wants to treat you right. 

#anonymous #when.... when.... WHEN IS IT MY TURN #aot x reader #jean x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot imagines #no because he's the love of my whole life #jean fluff #jean smut #eren x reader

[haik-choo]

I don't write cause I feel I don't have a good grasp on the characters personalities etc, the characterisation of akaashi post is so helpful! 👀👀 Would you do kuroo or bokuto?

a/n: I hope you like both of these! again, if yall want me to do others, let me know! these are across the span of their life, so some may seem college-related and some may seem young-adulty! 

[MISCHARACTERIZATIONS OF BOKUTO AND KUROO]

bokuto kotaro.

clueless: i’ve stated this in akaashi’s post, but bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent. he can pick up on the slightest changes in people’s demeanor or posture, he can tell if someone is sad or happy even if they aren’t good at displaying emotions. he’s not a dumbass -- and he can pick up on others’ limits and boundaries very quickly. despite his ability to read people relatively well, he has no qualms about pushing people out of their comfort zones and forcing them to do things they might hate at first, but will love later. he pushes boundaries according to your comfort level, and respects your hard limits. 

only positive: a lot of people write bokuto to be someone ho’s only happy-go-lucky, or someone who rarely gets sad (aside from his moods that are less sad and more discouraged), but I think that almost dehumanizes him. he gets back up faster than most, yes, and at the end of a lost game where everyone is crying, bokuto is dry-eyed. he’s the type to get home and plop down on his bed, face-first into his pillow, lips quivering and eyes lightly watering. there are times where he feels insecure, especially when he’s younger, just because he can tell he’s different from the rest. he has a feeling that people are put-off from his personality, he has a feeling that he’s not as (traditionally/academically) smart as everyone else, he has a feeling that some people find him annoying. that’s why when he’s near his close friends he’s very loose -- he doesn’t feel the need to hold back even a little because he knows that they love him for him. this translates to his toxic trait with his lover being that he feels dejected/insecure if you ever want space. while he can read boundaries, he would really benefit from a lover who has just as few as he, because then he can be his truest self.

love-at-first-sight: he’s not the type to fall in love at one glance, he’s just not. yes, he might get interested or you may catch his attention, but he’s not going to fall in love with someone because they have a pretty smile. it’s not that he’s calculated or over-thinks his emotions, he knows exactly what he feels, it’s just that his heart is a little slow when it comes to falling in love. he’s such an energetic all-over-the-place person that love is never really on his mind (he gets into some trouble with accidentally leading girls on because he’s so friendly). when he eventually falls in love, though....oh boy. he stutters, he’s over-thinking all his movements when it comes to you -- he’s usually impulsive but with you he really, really doesn’t want to screw up. he wants everything to go smoothly -- so he’s the type to plan out a confession and actually try to stick to it. when it comes to something like love, bokuto is surprisingly slow and careful, because he knows how fragile a heart is. 

never gets angry: i think most people like to imagine his anger is so rare because the image of an angry bokuto is scary, especially with his stature. and while it’s true his anger is uncommon (because he’s good at processing his own emotions and not lashing out at others), when he does get angry it can be pretty unnerving. he’s the type to slam his fist on the counter unknowingly when having a really bad fight with his lover, and he has a booming voice. he’d never hit someone, but he doesn’t realize how intimidating his physique is. anger is uncommon, but that doesn’t mean he’s not scary. he always apologize afterwards, though.

boundless confidence: i touched on it earlier, that he has bouts of insecurity, but again, i really want to emphasize that he’s not endlessly confident. honestly, maybe in the anime and manga he seems that way, but if you want to make him more human, have more life than a fictional character, you have to create limits or certain traits. bokuto is very sensitive, and the slightest thing can either inflate his ego or deflate it. plays in volleyball constantly not working may dig at his confidence, but he always re-inflates. in real life, outside the court, there are things that keep his confidence low everytime they happen. fights with his lover are one of these things; he’ll get jealous when they leave the apartment after a fight because he’ll worry about you finding someone more stable than him. jealousy alone is a solid sign of chipped confidence, something that someone as sensitive as bokuto gets every once in a while. 

overall, bokuto is a lot more intelligent than what people give him credit for. he’s honest with his own emotions and can read people very well, which is probably why he’s such a people person, but he still has flaws. he does not have boundless confidence or have no perception of boundaries; he’s unbelievably understanding. he may be initially insecure, have intimidating anger, etc. but ,after all, he’s human, isn’t he? 

kuroo tetsuro. 

sex god: don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that he’s had a lover or two, especially in college, and that he’s played the field a little bit. but i don’t see him as the guy that has had sex with every person in his major. he’s a genuine guy and can’t have sex with someone he’s not emotionally invested in -- despite not being a ‘player’, he’s totally gotten in trouble with a few people because they think he’s leading them on when he walks with them to class everyday. 

intimidating: people always characterize him as this mysterious, sexually intimidating guy, but i just can’t see him as someone intimidating. if anything, he may be a little unapproachable because he has a really tight knit group of friends that he’s always with, but he’s not scary. he’s not the center of attention but he’s not a wallflower either, he enjoys observing people and watching drama play out, but he’s not silent and glaring all the time. he’s quite fun, he’s loud, and he enjoys embarrassing his friends in public. he’s the type to twerk in public and laugh his ass off when akaashi or kenma give him the side-eye and bro-kuto joins in. he likes to have fun, ya know? i don’t know about you, but a guy that twerks in public isn’t very scary, to me at least. 

prideful: I understand why people paint him as a prideful guy, he obviously likes what he does and has a personable personality, but honestly, he’s not perfect. he often has moments where he doubts himself because of his past decisions, his career one of them. kuroo is an amazing middle blocker, and his choice to go into sports advertisement rather than an actual volleyball league no doubt haunts him at night sometimes. he thinks of the ‘what-ifs’, and he dreams of what he could be. especially since his best friend is bokuto, a professional player, it’s often on his mind. it’s a super touchy subject for him, and if someone were to question his job-choice i have no doubt that he’d get really sour and distant from that person because he’s not sure of himself either. 

frat boy: he’s not someone who can’t cook, he’s not someone who sleeps at 5am everyday, hungover. he’s not the type of person to be immature in any way -- he’s got his shit together. i’m sure most people can actually see this, but kuroo is very responsible and realistic (which is part of the reason he didn’t do professional volleyball). he does his taxes, does his homework, gives out good advice, gets up early and eats everything that a healthy person should eat (in all the right proportions, too). he doesn’t even drink often, if anything he’s just a social drinker. he goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am to work out, no joke. he’s gotta keep that physique somehow. 

decisive: i know i said he’s responsible, but i don’t think that translates to decisive. i can see him having a lot of conflicting things going on in his life, different wants and different paths that he wants to take but can’t keep all open. it happens in love, his career, his college major, etc. he wants a lot in life, he wants success, happiness, a good love-life, everything. when he had to choose between volleyball and a life-long, stable career, he was broken for weeks. was he good enough for his dream? was it wise to chase his dream? would it be better to get more kids into volleyball, do what he did, what he couldn’t do? in his love life he always hesitates, too: does he see a life with them? how long will they love him? will they be able to deal with him once they see that he’s not perfect? is it worth it? it doesn’t matter if he’s in love or not, because his extreme caution can come off as very distant and unwilling to let you in, hence his toxic trait. he’s indecisive, scared, yet passionate and hard-working. 

overall, kuroo is full of contradiction. he wants a lot from life and is willing to work for it. he has dreams and tries to stay healthy and put himself out there, have fun, the whole shabang -- but he’s not perfect. he’s overly cautious when it comes to making important decisions simply because he can see a future with all of the different paths he can take. but honestly, isn’t everyone a little contradictory? 

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