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changbunnies · 4 months

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After The Rain With You (18+)

♡ Pairing: Farm Boy!Changbin x Princess!Reader

♡ Genre: royal au, historical au, fluff, initially intended to be light angst but i got carried away with emotion like i did with the minho fic lol, forbidden love (i cannot help myself with this trope it seems), sad / bittersweet ending :') (i'm sorry !!)

♡ Word Count: 13.8k (this was intended to be under 10k but here we are lmao oops)

♡ Summary: Y/N, a princess bored and lonely, craved nothing more than to experience the world outside of the familiar 4 walls of her bedroom in the castle. Conjuring her bravery, she snuck out of the castle walls, eventually meeting a man that would change her life forever; Changbin, a local farmer who didn't realize she's the princess, formed a close relationship with her that ineveitably turned into a budding romance. But now, met with her last moments of freedom, she prepares herself to have one final sweet moment with him before they are torn apart.

♡ Warnings: references to a parent being deceased, discussions of feeling trapped and alone, strict toxic parenting

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): reader is not a virgin during the smut scene in this but it is implied changbin is the only person they've ever had sex with, petnames (sweetheart, darlin', good girl and other gendered language), lots of kissing, marking (including biting), loose dom/sub dynamics, nipple play, oral (f receiving), unprotected piv, multiple orgasms, creampie, pretty self indulgent ngl lol

♡ Notes: i got the title from a short pokemon novel, iykyk. this was intended to be finished before the new year, but instead it's my first fic of 2024 and i hope you enjoy! as always you can read the story on my ao3 here, and if you're interested you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Freedom; something simple in definition, but not in practice, those in high positions of power always holding it out of the reach of those below them who yearn for it. It's intangible in concept, something you will never be able to see with your own eyes or grab with your own hands, but it was something you always yearned for, more than anything- and in the short time you had it, it was pure bliss.

You never considered yourself a rebellious girl, always dutifully listening to your elders, commiting manners and elegance to memory, never questioning the role you'd one day be made to accept. But in the past year, you'd found yourself having a bit of a rebellious streak- in secrecy, of course, because you knew very well that there'd be consequences to pay should she find out.

It's not that you ever hated being the princess, or that you dreaded the responsibility you held to your kingdom- you just wish you'd been given more freedoms. Freedom to speak your mind, freedom to feel the grass beneath your feet and the sun's rays on your skin whenever you wished, freedom to explore, to make mistakes, to learn and grow and love the way everyone else in the world but you seemed allowed to do.

For years, there'd been a blindspot in the castle's defenses, a small patch of broken wall that guards were never ordered to defend or monitor closely, as the country had not seen war or received threat from neighboring countries in your entire lifetime. "We'll repair it someday," your father always said before his passing, though it never came to fruition. It was not because he passed that the wall never received construction, but simply because your parents always preferred to delegate funds to something more pressing than a relatively small breach in the outer walls of the castle.

Sure, the hole was unsightly when noticed, but it was outside line of sight for the townsfolk, and much too small to accommodate an army through- one person at a time, maybe two if you squeezed, could fit through at most. Apart from that, the fact that your father never used taxes to pay towards selfish things such as unnecessary castle repair gained your family high favor, with most commoners considering your father to be the kindest king the country had in centuries.

During the time your father was still alive, you often walked the streets as a family, talking to the commoners regularly and enjoying your time out on the town together, and you remember how it always felt like you were as normal a family as any other, too young to realize there was any difference between you and them. You can still remember how your mother smiled then, when she held your hand while your father held the other, the townsfolk always doting on you, and how cheerfully your every day had been spent.

Your mother was quite different now; she never smiled anymore, and when she did it felt so.. forced, sad. Like your father took a piece of her joy with him when he went, and she was unable to reclaim it. And it was at that time, when she took on all of the king's responsibilities by herself, that she'd begun to treat you differently. Stricter on your studies, never allowing you to step foot outside the castle, shutting down any talk of letting you out on the town or interacting with anyone outside the castle's walls.

And now the whole kingdom, who considered you to be the country's most beloved princess, could scarcely remember what you looked like; and even those who could remember would likely no longer recognize you. You were a child when you were last allowed outside, and now you were a grown woman, still confined by her mother's strict rules.

Despite the reclusive life you were forced into, many of the commoners still thought of you fondly- at least according to word of mouth from the castle's maids and knights. You were the daughter to a king and queen that were practically revered as saints, and many imagined that the reason you were always holed up within the castle was because you were studying dutifully, imagining that when you came to power someday, you'd be just as benevolent, kind, and intelligent of a ruler as your father was.

You certainly intended to live up to those expectations, because as stated, you don't hate being the princess by any means. You recognize that you have privilege, responsibility, and that people put their pride and faith in you even now, before you've ever even come close to touching the throne. But all that being said, it didn't stop your heart from wanting just a little bit more out of your life.

Simply put, you found it incredibly dull sitting inside the castle all day, the same lessons being reiterated day in and day out, as if you didn't already have them memorized by the age of 10. Eventually, your mother realized you had no further need for a tutor, and requested that the woman in charge of your education stop coming, but that didn't mean your afternoons suddenly became enjoyable; quite the opposite in fact.

The joy you initially held over no longer having to spend your afternoon listening to the same drivel you'd heard countless times from a pedantic old woman evaporated with the realization that even without a tutor to occupy for time, you'd still be stuck in the castle all day long. Your mother never permitted you to leave, even if you promised you'd stay close to the knights that would accompany you, pleaded with her to let you do something other than sitting inside all day.

But still, her stance on the matter never changed. You'd begun to resent her sentiments, to hate that you were stuck with nowhere to go and nothing to do. The country wasn't under any threat, your fathers death was an unfortunate accident, and as far as you knew you were well loved, so what did she need to be so protective for? Especially now, when you weren't even a child anymore; you just couldn't understand.

You’d spend your days staring out your window listlessly, wondering what the grass on the horizon would feel like beneath bare feet. It’s a shame that you don’t know; you were always scolded for taking your shoes off if you weren’t within your own room, and besides that, the ground is littered with dirt and cobblestone all the way up to the gates of the town, which you had never gone past. Shouldn’t your youth be full of experiencing things like this? Why couldn’t you explore now and then settle down in the castle later in life? It didn’t feel fair that you were so clueless about the basic truths of the world, and instead had your brain filled to the brim with knowledge of etiquette and politics.

It was with those thoughts in mind that you planned to find the answers to all your questions and sate your endless curiosities by sneaking through the hole in the castle walls that had gone unattended to. After the first time you successfully snuck out to experience all you’d been missing (which took months of diligent watch and preparation to ensure you wouldn’t be spotted from a distance by patrolling knights), you’d slowly made your way further and further away from the castle, testing the limits of how far you could make it each day, gauging how long it would take for someone to notice your absence. To your delight, because you spent most of your days alone in your room, no one seemed to notice you’d ever been gone as long as you made it back before dinner was to be served.

And so, you'd stay out until sunset, exploring the town you'd grown to only ever see from your window, making sure to wear the least expensive looking gown in your wardrobe, doing your best to blend in with the commoners. Thankfully, the task was easier than you'd expected given that none of the townsfolk had seen you up close since you were a small girl. You were perhaps strange in behavior as compared to them, given how much you questioned what was around you, but certainly not one person suspected you were the princess- just a sheltered, perhaps eccentric, young woman.

As you became more comfortable, and got closer to the town gates with each passing day, your excitement would grow exponentially; the world beyond the gates was so foreign to you, even more so than the town itself had been. From your bedroom window, the fields that lied beyond the town gates appeared so miniscule, and you only knew what lied beyond because you’d been told about it, not because you’d seen it for yourself.

It was this determination to discover what lied beyond your limited world view that lead you to meet the man who'd come to hold your heart for the first time. You remember how your heart raced when you first approached the town gates, how your eyes darted to every corner to try to take in every minute detail.

The cobblestone became sparse, leaving nothing but dirt road to walk on, the wheels of countless carriages and horses hooves indented in the path, leading both to and away from town. You’d been told numerous times that beyond this point lies the farms that fueled the town with their food, and resources such as leather and wool to create clothing, blankets, and the upholstery on your furniture. And for the first time in your entire life, you were about to see it all up close with your own eyes, instead of vaguely from your bedroom window.

You knew their work was vital to the prosperous existence of your country, and you’d always found yourself wanting to know what it was like, to learn about how the world works not from a dull lecture or written text, but to experience it yourself, to truly understand the lives of the people you would one day govern beyond what you’d been told. To say you had a curious mind was perhaps an understatement; you were always full of curiosity about the world around you, but simply being told about the world wasn’t enough for you to be satisfied.

To experience with your own eyes, to feel with your own hands- that was what being alive was truly about, wasn’t it? You didn’t feel your life was meant to be spent wasting away in your room until the day you became useful. If you spent your youth seeing the world, learning about it from your own lived experiences, wouldn’t that make you a better queen some day? To know the plight of the common man because you lived it for yourself?

That’s what you wanted- the freedom to explore, to learn, to grow, and when the time was right, you’d accept your duty gracefully, and play the role you were meant to, but until then, there was nothing more you wanted than to feel the earth beneath your feet, to understand what a blessing it truly is to feel the warmth of the sun beaming down on your skin, to learn what it is that makes life beautiful to live.

With a deep inhale to steady your racing heart, you took your first step outside the town gates, trying your best to not appear too nervous and draw undue attention to yourself. You conjured all the confidence you could muster into your steps, your short heels sinking into the pure dirt before you. It was a clear spring day, the sun welcoming you warmly, as if confirming that this was a decision you were meant to make, that following your heart and exploring the lush earth is what your true purpose was.

You recall how different everything felt once you were fully outside the town- it was almost unbelievable how green, pretty and vibrant the outside looked when compared to the dull, monotonous grays and dirty browns you'd met with inside the town walls. And even the castle interior, while still pretty and not devoid of color like the town often seemed to be, still didn't compare to the nature that lied before you.

You saw children running through the grass without shoes, freely giggling as they play what you assume to be some sort of game, one you'd never had the chance to play. They were utterly carefree, and so full of life; how you wished you could be the same- just kick off your shoes and prance through the fields and the trees without a care in the world, with nothing to weigh you down. What a joy it must be, to live innocent and free, knowing nothing but laughter and love.

You took time to admire naturally growing flowers, to lean down to carefully caress the petals, to feel the grass on your fingertips since you’re much too scared to actually take your shoes off despite how bad you’d have liked to. Following the road, past the sprawling fields where the children play, you eventually came to the occupied farm lands, and it was there, just before the fields turned into seemingly endless forest, that you met him for the first time.

His was the last farm for you to observe, and it held a surprise that made you positively gasp in delight; animals! You'd always thought the farm animals you’d seen in your books looked so cute, and you always wanted to feel their fur or feathers, wondering if they were truly as soft or as coarse as they were described to you. Was a sheep’s wool still soft before it was knit into a blanket, or woven into clothing? It was something you were endlessly curious about.

However, you certainly knew better than to just waltz up to an animal that doesn't know you, and especially not one that is on someone else's land. So you settled for quietly observing them from outside the farm's sprawling gate, a huge smile on your face as you watched the animals graze. Even at your distance, it was still the closest you'd ever been to an animal other than a horse, and you simply couldn't get over how cute and soft they looked. Sheep, cows, chickens, ducks- all impossibly cute, and how you wished you could go and hug them.

You propped your arms up on the wooden fence, resting your head against them as you simply watched. It was almost funny how something so simple and normal to someone else's everyday life could instill such joy and wonder with you. And that's when you saw him; a single man walking out from his quaint cottage towards the back of the land, attending to the animals and filling up what you assumed to be their feed troughs.

His home, you noticed, was put together the same way most of the town was- with stone and clay, a simple but well constructed wooden door, and a decent sized chimney on the left that you were well aware was necessary to funnel out smoke from fireplaces in homes such as his. And it fascinated you how his home could look so different from yours when it was comprised of the same materials.

When put down simply to its parts, there was nothing that separated the castle from a commoner’s home other than the sheer size of it. Your mother would often tell you not to compare yourself, or the splendor of the castle to that of commoners or their homes, but you never saw any harm in doing so.

You’re all human, and the only difference between you and them is that you were born into a royal family and they weren’t. You think she focuses too much on title, when to you title is worth nothing beyond a name. Still, while you recognize that while you aren’t different from anyone else in a biological sense, you are when it comes to status, and you wanted to use your privileged position for good when the time came, which is another reason you wanted to see the country for yourself, to put yourself in the shoes of the people and understand them. How can you be a good queen someday if you understand nothing of how the world truly works, or if every decision is fed to you from someone else?

Really though you have to admit, apart from all the good reasons you had to sneak out, you equally had selfish ones. But was it so wrong to indulge your curiosity? You’ve tried many times to push aside your thoughts and to understand why you must stay solitary in the castle all day, but try as you might, this is all you want. To see, to experience, to feel; why was it only wrong for you to want that, and not for anyone else? Even if you’re the princess, you should still be allowed basic human freedoms- that’s what you believe, anyways.

You lost yourself in thought for a time, simply staring out at the scene of the man caring for his animals in front of you. You wondered if he was happy doing this everyday; was it monotonous, or did he take pride in it? Did he love his animals, or were they strictly the avenue he'd taken to provide for himself? You also wondered what you would be doing if you weren't the princess; would you be a farmer's daughter, spending all your days in the fields with the animals like he does?

It was oddly fun to ponder on, to picture yourself leading a different life than one you'd led up to that point; maybe it was a form of escapism, and maybe you had more grievances with your upbringing than you'd let yourself believe at the time, but either way, a smile once again made its way to your lips as you pictured yourself feeling the fluffy wool of a sheep beneath your fingertips, as warm, soft, and comforting as a blanket in your imagination.

The man took notice of you after only a few moments, because realistically, how can he not notice a girl blatantly propped against his fence, staring at his land? He’s sure he doesn’t know you, doesn’t recognize you from any of the farming families that have homes adjacent to his, and he doesn’t go into town nearly enough to have made friends outside his small bubble. So who were you, and why are you staring at him like that?

"Do you need somethin', miss?" The burly man called out to you as he started to approach, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm. "O-Oh, uh, no, I apologize," you stuttered out, feeling instantly intimidated as he came closer; not because he was an intimidating person per se, because while his eyes are sharp, they also have a unique softness to them. It was his size that made you shrink back and feel small; you didn’t realize just how large the man was until he was practically face to face with you, and even the knights you’re met with daily, who undergo strict, intensive physical training, pale in comparison to the muscular physique of the man you in time came to know well.

You remember how he looked at you curiously, head tilting to the side as he watched you straighten your posture and take a step back from his fence. “I was just.. curious, about the animals. They’re very cute,” you explained and the man chuckled a bit, wiping his dirty hands on his worn trousers before stepping up to his fence. “I take it you’re from the town then? Can’t imagine you bein’ that curious about my animals otherwise,” he replied pleasantly, a warm, sort of prideful smile on his face. It confirmed his suspicions as well- you were definitely not someone he’s met before.

"Yes, I've only ever seen them in books," you explained further, a bit timid now as you suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you. You were sure a commoner of your age would never be as fascinated by the animals as you were; they see them every day, it's a normal part of life for them. And you recall scolding yourself, really feeling that you needed to do a better job of hiding your lack of worldly experience when meeting new people so you'd stop having interactions like this. “I apologize again, I must appear very strange..”

“No need for that, sweetheart. I think it’s nice- I’m so used to bein’ around ‘em, that I don’t really stop and take it all in anymore. Reminds me of what I got, so thank you for that,” he replied kindly, his smile spreading an unfamiliar warmth through you in that moment. He was very, very kind, and you appreciated that he didn't judge you or find you to be a fool for your innocent curiosity.

"I could show you around, if you'd like. Let you meet them," he offered, and you positively beamed, though you really should have shown some restraint in the matter. "Could I really?" you couldn't help but ask eagerly, eyes sparkling with pure wonder and excitement at the prospect of seeing so many things you'd never encountered before up close. “Course, just come ‘round to the front, and tell me your name.”

You yelled out your name as you eagerly turned and began to sprint (in quite unladylike fashion, you might add) to where you saw the gate to his property some time earlier. You could hear the man's laugh carry even as you ran (not advised in the shoes you were wearing, but you carried on nonetheless), stopping just in front of the small, modest gate. You waited for the kind man to catch up to you, not wanting to do anything rude or presumptuous by stepping onto his land without being specifically directed inside.

"You took off so fast, you didn't give me a chance to introduce myself," he laughed as he approached you again, and your face immediately flushed, embarrassed by your excitability over everything. "Name's Changbin," he introduced himself warmly after he opened the gate for you, and you smiled timidly, giving a polite bow after you crossed the border onto his property. “Pleasure to meet you, Changbin.”

"Likewise," he smiled as he closed the gate behind you, and it was then that your first true friendship began. In hindsight, it occurred to you that you should've given him a fake name, and while he did ponder on why your name seemed so familiar to him, he didn't ever appear to put together that you were the princess.

What was clear to him was that you were from a wealthy family; after all, that was the only explanation he could reach to decipher some of your "odd" behaviors. Your boundless curiosity, your utter excitement for the mundane, an unmatched passion for all the small things in life that he'd never seen before in anyone else. A light in your eyes as bright as the sun, filling him with warmth and adoration, your wonder and inquisitive nature both pure and infectious.

He asked you once, what it is your family does, if being from the "high society" part of town near the castle is what made you live a sheltered life, why you seemed so (respectfully) clueless about things beyond the scope of inner-town workings and politics. You were surprised when he asked, and confirmed what he suspected, though you left out some of the very important details. After all, how could you tell him that the girl he's become friends with over the past few months, didn't just live near the castle- her home is the castle.

But you divulged what little you could, confided in him that your mother has high expectations of you, that she doesn't know you spend your days with him at his farm, that if she did know she certainly wouldn't approve, and he seemed to understand. While he may not be a high born man, he's no stranger to how haughty they can be, what with their superiority complexes and luxury goods, as if it's not working men like him that provide them with what they consume in the first place.

You weren't like that in the slightest- you were good, pure natured, with an infectious zest for life that he couldn't help but find his own joy in. Seeing you interact with the world, the happiness you gained from the simplicities in life, the wonder and curiosity you held for all things, both small and grand- it was a trait of yours he'd come to adore.

You learned from him just as much as he learned from you, and you truly reminded him how beautiful life is, how there is magic even in the mundane, what a gift it is to have, to be, and to feel. Changbin introduced you to so much, shared so many parts of his life, and you were truly the happiest you'd ever been, always looking forward to the next day you could go out and see him again.

"Have you ever ridden a horse?" he asked one summer afternoon when you were in stables together, you sat on a hay bale while you watched him care for Dolly, a beautiful, black and white dappled horse that belonged to his mother, whom she named such due to 'her mane being as beautiful as a porcelain dolls.' "Does being escorted in a carriage count?" you asked, and he laughed, shaking his head in amused disbelief.

"No, darlin', a carriage don't count," he said, smiling as you pouted ever so slightly. You were still a child the last time you were even in a carriage, given the fact that your mother never permits you to leave. You wondered what's more enjoyable; your memory of your last carriage ride is so faded, you wondered if you could even compare the experiences, were you to ever ride a horse.

As if sensing your thoughts, Changbin made an offer that once again made you beam, radiating joy and excitement. "I could teach you how. Or let you ride with me," he offered and you were eagerly nodding without a second thought, jumping straight to your feet. "I'd love that!" Changbin returned your smile, promising that once he got Dolly situated in a saddle, he'd take you for a ride while telling you everything he knows and answering any question you may have about it, no matter how small or seemingly silly and "common sense."

He helped you up onto her back, making sure you sat comfortably on the back of the saddle, both your legs dangling over one side of her body due to the fact that you were wearing a dress. Changbin got up onto the saddle with ease, carefully not to accidentally hit you with his leg while making his ascent. After he was settled in front of you, he instructed you to wrap your arms around his torso, as it takes time to become adjusted to the movement of the horse and naturally find your balance.

You wondered if he could feel your heart race when your chest was pressed against his back, how your palms grew sweaty from holding onto him, how your face flushed every time he called Dolly a "good girl", wondering what it'd be like if he said the same to you, if he praised you after he encouraged you or taught you something new.

But the more comfortable you got, the more he allowed Dolly to pick up speed, until she was going around the enclosed pen in a brisk trot, your arms squeezing Changbin as you giggle joyfully, feeling the wind brush by your ears and pull back your hair. It was so fun, so new, another experience Changbin granted you that you wouldn't otherwise have ever had the chance to have.

When you were finished, as the sun was beginning to set and it was time for you to get home, lest your mother send a maid to summon you for dinner and find you absent, he jumped off first, and then held out his hand to you, offering for you to take it, promising he'd make sure you got down safely.

And he did, letting you squeeze his hand as you made the unfamiliar leap off, his opposite hand coming to your back to ensure you were stable on your feet after you landed. His hand lingered even after it was apparent you were steady, and yours did as well, still holding onto his hand even though you no longer had need to. It felt as though there was a shift between you- both staring carefully at one another, a suggestion that you could be something more than this, that there was a connection beyond that of just friendship.

Slowly, with the same smile for you he always had, he pulled his hand away from your back, but didn't make you part from his hand, letting you hold it even as he walked you to his gate. And you felt a stutter in your heart, unlike any you'd ever felt before then, returning his smiles happily, your cheeks dusted pink even as you thanked him for the afternoon and bid him goodbye, every once in a while turning back just to him still watching you, offering a soft smile and wave each time your gazes met again.

Then, there was the time you were inside his chicken coops with him, Changbin having taught you much about how to properly care for the animals in your time near him. And after weeks of observation, you wanted to help, to really try your hand at it! You did well, for the most part- your error came when trying to get a hen away from a freshly laid egg.

You tried your best to follow Changbin's instructions carefully, but still, your inexperience was greatly apparent, and you ended up upsetting the poor thing. When she flew up in protest, it startled you, and you nearly fell backwards, but Changbin caught you, one of his strong arms wrapped around your back and holding you upright as if you weighed nothing at all.

You blinked up at him in surprise, face growing red as he asked if you were alright, your heart unexpectedly pounding. You muttered out an apology, voice much meeker than you wanted it to be, but he simply smiled, helping you steady yourself again to stand on your own, ensuring you that it wasn't your fault, and that he could tell you were genuinely trying your best.

"No one gets it right on their first try, don't be discouraged, you did good, sweetheart," he said, and the words somehow made your heart race faster, face growing even pinker. You were certain then- you liked him as much, much more than a friend. You wanted him to always praise you, to console you, to call you sweetheart in a way beyond platonic- to look at you romantically, to call you by such sweet names in a moment of love and passion.

When you returned home that day, lying in bed after finishing dinner and washing up, your thoughts were plagued by him- much more than they usually were, and in completely different contexts. How would his strong arms feel under your fingers while he held you up, supporting all of your weight as he took you in every way conceivable, across every surface of his home.

You'd had.. less than pure thoughts before of course, so it's not like this was new to you- what was new was having an explicit object of desire, someone you wanted to lie with, someone you imagined touching you everywhere, and you touching them and pleasuring them in equal measure.

There were many times you watched him work, sweat collecting on his forehead, dripping down his brow, his breath growing heavier with labor, his broad chest rising and falling quickly with exertion- would he look the same atop you? Body heavy between your legs, pressing you down, and God, you were driving yourself crazy thinking about it.

Changbin noticed, another summer day, sun high and hot, leaving him sweatier than usual, and your face hot and red (though for reasons beyond that of the sun beaming down on you.) "C'mon sweetheart, let's go inside. It's hot out here, ain't it?" he'd said, deciding it was time, for both your sakes, to take a well deserved break. You agreed, thankful beyond words he thought it was simply the sun making you a heated mess, and not how absolutely divine he looked chopping wood in preperation for when the weather would change in a month.

You sat on his sofa together, sipping on lemonade he made himself by hand, thankful to be out of the unforgiving sun (and to have something to focus on besides how attracted you were to him.) "You seem to be thinkin' a lot today. What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Changbin asked after it was quiet for a time, your cup of lemonade held in your lap as you stared off at unfixed location.

"I've.. come to like you quite a lot more than I expected. As more than a friend, I think," you answer honestly, though you don't expect him to do anything with your feelings. While he's your first real connection with someone, you're sure he's lived a full, experienced life. You feel there's no reason for him to like you as you like him, but still you told him, for you already hide enough about your life from him, and you don't want your thoughts and feelings to be one of those things you keep from him.

"I'm fond of you too. More than a friend, and more than you probably know," he replied with a soft smile, setting his empty cup to the side. You blinked, cheeks turning pink as you practically gaped at him. "Do you mean that? Sincerely?" you asked, heart thumping loudly as you too carefully set your cup aside. "I wouldn't lie to you darlin'. 'Specially not about matters of the heart," he responded earnestly, carefully moving closer to you.

You met him halfway, slowly, your eyes timidly meeting his as his hand comes towards you, resting heavy but soft on your cheek. "Tell me truly," he almost whispers, face coming close enough to yours to feel his breath tickle your skin, "Do you want to kiss me as badly as I want to kiss you?" "Yes," you breathed out, and not even a full second later, his lips were on yours, plush and soft, butterflies filling your stomach and truly, you couldn't ask for any greater joy than that moment.

You kissed a lot after that- in greeting and in parting, sweetly, slowly, carefully, sometimes even urgently, needily, passionately. You'd help him with as much of his daily work as you could manage, so he could finish faster and you could spend the rest of the afternoon holding one another close, hands exploring anywhere and everywhere, both eager, both seeking more and more and more, both indulging in the feeling of not just pleasure, but of closeness, intimacy beyond just the physical, the love and care you share for one another.

But as quickly as your happiness was obtained, it was taken away; unbeknownst to you, on an afternoon in early fall, shortly after breakfast, a knight had seen you squeezing through the hole in the castle's wall, eager to spend yet another day with Changbin. He didn't think you were sneaking out at first- he thought maybe he was just mistaken on what he saw, but when he stepped over, and it became clear that you were now nowhere to be seen, he had to inform your mother, as was his duty.

And there are truly no words to describe how devastated you felt when suddenly, as if from nowhere, countless knights were surrounding you, pleading with you to return to the castle, lest they have to drag you back by your mother's command. It became a spectacle in the street, commoners whispering amongst themselves as they tried to piece together what they were witnessing, and if the sweet, smiley girl they’d seen exiting and returning to town everyday for months was really the princess this entire time.

You felt as if your entire world was collapsing as they escorted you back home, your heart squeezing painfully in your chest, knowing your mother would be positively furious when your eyes next met. But no, she wasn’t just furious- she was livid, the angriest you’d ever seen her in all your years. You pleaded with her to understand, assured her that if you were truly going to run away from home and abandon your responsibility, then you wouldn’t have returned every single time you’d left. You didn’t want to be stuck here all day, every day, bored, alone, depressed, when there was an entire world out there to see, people to talk to, experiences to be had. You’d do everything expected of you as a princess, and later as queen, but please- just this one thing, allow me this one thing.

But no, your pleas fell on deaf ears, your mother completely dismissive of your feelings and unwilling to bend her iron rules. And so you once again became a prisoner inside your own room, tears streaming down your cheeks as you stared at the edge of town from your window, Changbin so near, yet impossibly far. Your mother didn’t know of Changbin, you didn’t tell her, nor would you ever, as things stand now- but how you wished you could tell her, “I’ve found love, and now I understand how truly a magical thing it is. I don’t want this to be the end of my joy.”

Weeks passed, and while the pain never left you, you learned to manage it well enough, hopeful that you’d be reunited with Changbin someday soon. But then you saw them- carpenters, working diligently to fill the hole in the castle walls that you had repeatedly used for your daily escapes. The color drained from your face, your heart sinking into the very depths of your stomach. Your plan to simply be an obedient daughter long enough for your mother to lessen her watchful eyes on you, to one day again leave the castle once her constant vigil had relaxed, was being thwarted before it could ever truly begin.

You anticipated to be in this act for the long haul, knowing very well it could take months, or even years, to rebuild your mother’s trust in you, but you’d never imagined she’d take away the very source of your hope mere weeks after confining you away to your room. To call a hole in the castle’s defenses your “hope” may seem foolish to most, but it was all you had- a symbol of escape, of life beyond these four walls that had become your permanent home.

The day it was filled would be the day you’d lose everything; your freedom, your friendships, your joy, your hopes, your dreams, everything. Even as you are now, a canary trapped in her gilded cage, the promise that simple flaw in the walls gave you kept you going- the promise that someday, even if it was years and years from now, you’d be free again, doing what you loved most, being with who you loved most.

You know your mother cares for you, she wants the best for you, and the loss of your father, the king, much too soon has deeply scarred her. She fears for you, she keeps you ever at arm’s length because she can’t bear for you to part from her, to leave her behind the way your father had, but surely this isn't the answer. Surely there was something better than this, something that didn’t necessitate you being a prisoner in your own home.

Fear of loss and devastation ruled her life, made her trap you lest you decide to leave and never return, failing to realize that it was her very actions and treatment of you that gave those fears of hers room to become reality. But to know heartbreak is to know truest love, and even should loss plague your life, you will never regret having discovered love.

You had no desire to abandon your family, your kingdom, or run from your responsibilities, but if that was the only way to be free, if there was no other conceivable way to experience life’s joys and warmth, then.. What else was there for you to do? Ironic, how your mother had unwittingly created a self-fulfilling prophecy when she forbade you from living a life of your own, her own actions resulting in the very outcome she feared most of all.

You have to do something, anything, now, before it’s too late, and you are left with nothing but the fleeting memories of the man you hold so dear. You bide your time, waiting until nightfall when the carpenters have left for the night to make your move. Your mother has posted knights to the spot now, instructed to keep a watchful eye should you try again to leave the premises, but you think with the right timing, you can slip out unnoticed.

There’s a small window of time where, when the knights standing guard rotate shifts, the hole in the castle’s walls will have no one standing in front of them. It’s risky, and if you’re too slow you’ll be spotted by the new knights taking over for the ones who departed, but it’s the only chance you have, so you need to take it. As soon as the knights previously keeping watch over the area get far enough away, you dart for the breach in the castle. The hole is definitely smaller than it was before, but you still manage to squeeze past just fine, with seconds to spare before you hear the sounds of the new knights approaching, luckily having not noticed anything amiss.

The streets are much different at night, the subtle illumination from the candles in the surrounding buildings hardly enough to point you in the right direction. You look to the horizon instead, hoping that the dark line of trees on the horizon will be enough to guide you to the gate leaving town. Some who notice your desperate run call out, concern evident in their voice, but you can’t stop for them, can’t stop until you’ve made it to Changbin’s side. And though it is not without struggle, you do, eventually, thankfully, find your way out of the town.

You’re panting, chest heaving as your heart pounds and your lungs desperately try to suck in air once you’ve made it completely outside the town gates- but still, you aren’t where you need to be, so you can’t stop yet. Pushing yourself to your very limits, even as your legs scream at you and harsh cold pricks your skin, you can finally make out Changbin’s land in the tree-lined horizon. Reaching the gate to his property, you push it open in haste, taking hardly any steps past the threshold before you collapse to your knees, the ache and exhaustion refusing to be ignored any further.

You bring a hand to your heart, taking a few seconds to calm yourself and breathe before you attempt to rise back to your feet, but your legs refuse the action, much too weak to support you beyond what they’ve already done. It’s good enough, you suppose; they’ve carried far, with much more urgency than you’d ever thought possible, and now you’re right here, so close to where you need to be- and despite being a princess, you’re not above crawling your way over to Changbin’s door if you must.

Once more, you try- and though weak, and unsteady, you are able to rise once more. You can’t run, can hardly even walk as sore and as exhausted as your legs are, but they carry you as far as they can, recognizing the urgency you feel, aiding you as much as it can in your last, desperate effort. Your throat is dry, it hurts, but you call out Changbin’s name regardless, hoping he’s awake, hoping he hears you, hoping he’ll wrap his arms around you, kiss you, console you, even if it’s just this one last time.

It’s been over a month since the last time Changbin saw you, and there’s so many questions he can’t help but ask himself, that he wishes he could ask you, so he didn’t spend all his hours distracted with worry and self-doubt. There had been gaps in the time you spent together before, but never for this large of a duration of time- a week usually at most. Did he do something wrong the last time you were together? Or did your strict mother finally learn of your deceit, and now made you keep away, unable to return to his side though you may have wished to?

He just wishes he knew for certain what it is, so that even if he was saddened, he did not have to have his mind consumed by what-if’s and uncertainties. There was a time, even, where he considered going into town and asking of you, but he was worried that doing so would only create more problems for you if the wrong person caught word of his inquiries. So all he could was wait- wait, and hope, that you would return again before year’s end, and that he would have the answers he so desperately craves to his questions.

Most of all, he just hopes you’re well; you’d expressed more than once that you loved your life and your family, you just didn’t want to feel trapped. You wanted to have choices, to feel like your thoughts and opinions matter, to be allowed to live as most other people do when you are not burdened with work. Whenever you spoke of home, he always found it unfair, and he felt for you- you loved your mother, dearly, but he could see how you struggled with her rules, how sadness lingered in your eyes and resent bubbled up within you despite how you tried to not feel such things.

And though he understood why you could not, he wished at times that you could simply stay with him- to not have to depart the moment the sun began to sink, to lie in bed with him all night, to have breakfast and dinner together, to live without worry together. He’d work hard for you, even harder than he does now, and it’d be worth it to see you smile at him as you always do, so bright and full of light, keeping each other company on your loneliest days and nights.

Changbin sighs, exhaustion plaguing him as he sits before the small fire he has going in his living room, head falling back against his sofa. He hasn’t slept well these past few nights- he just can’t help but think of you at all hours, and every time he closes his eyes to sleep, he’s met with the image of you. It keeps him up, though not all his thoughts of you are plagued by unpleasant worry- sometimes it’s simply just the image of you smiling or laughing, and he feels nothing but warmth, even as he is reminded how much he truly misses you.

Should you never return again, for whatever reason that may be, he doesn’t think he would ever regret having known you and given his love to you. Short-lived though your romance may be in the grand scheme of his life, and all the years he may be blessed to live, it was of the utmost importance, and he’d be remiss to let those memories become tarnished or devalued. You reminded him of how much joy there is in life, how grateful he is to have what he does, how much beauty there is in even the smallest of things.

Another sigh leaves his lips as he lifts his head, rubbing carefully at his weary eyes- he should probably try to rest soon, though he feels sleep will likely stay out his reach for some time after his head hits the pillows. He stands from the sofa, preparing himself to extinguish the fire and head to bed, when he hears a strange, unfamiliar sound from outside his door. A thud, almost- as if something with a not insubstantial amount of weight thumped to the ground.

It couldn’t be his logs- he knew the sound of falling logs well enough to recognize the distinct sound made when one toppled, and often times when one fell, more followed. This was unlike that entirely, only one sound followed by silence, and the sound itself was still too dense to be one of his pieces of chopped wood. The sound felt more.. concentrated; an animal perhaps? And if it was an animal, he couldn’t let it go ignored- especially not if it was one of his own.

As Changbin steps closer to his door to investigate the sound, he hears something else entirely unexpected- a frail voice.. your voice..? Rushing to his door now, he opens it in haste, eyes darting to find the source of what he heard. And there, he sees you, collapsed to the ground before him, looking up at him with a mix of relief, exhaustion, and anguish. “Y/N-” he gasps as he leans down to you, concern evident in his voice and expression, hands reaching out to touch you and shit, your body is freezing; you are woefully ill dressed for the fall chill, and who knows how long you’ve been out in it with nothing but your dress.

Quickly, he picks you up, carrying you inside and using his foot to kick the door shut behind him. “Just sit here a minute,” he says as he sits you down on the sofa, rushing to his room to grab all the blankets and pillows he can carry. He prepares a sort of makeshift bed on the floor in front of the fireplace, laying down a couple blankets and pillows, with the intention to have you lay by the fire and spread some much needed warmth through your chilled body.

Changbin scoops you back up when he’s satisfied with his work, very carefully laying you down a close (yet safe) distance to the fire, nestling beside you after and laying an additional blanket over your bodies. He has so many questions, his mind is racing, but they can wait- making sure you’re not going to suffer frostbite is of much more importance. He lets you use him for warmth, not complaining a bit when your cold limbs tangle with his, letting you sap his warmth and take it for your own.

He brings his hands to your face, warming your cold cheeks in his palms, looking you over carefully. You looked unhurt, thankfully- he has no idea what you’ve gone through, but he’s glad you’re here now, and looking well, all things considered. “Do you want to tell me what’s happened?” he asks softly, pushing the fallen hair away from your eyes, letting him meet your gaze without obstruction. You swallow down your bubbling emotion, wanting to be clear and concise, to leave no room for confusion or error.

“My mother is very strict, as you know.. She enforced her rules more harshly after she discovered how I’d been spending my time. I had to sneak out again just to be here,” you answer, and his brows furrow. “Again..? Have you been sneaking out to see me all this time?” he asks, and you nod, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Changbin knew your mother had strict rules, he knew she didn’t approve of her daughter meeting with those of lower class, but that wasn’t the extent of it?

This whole time, he thought your lie to your mother was simply that you exited town- not that you left home entirely. He was under the impression that you were still allowed out on the streets, at the very least; not that you were caged up inside all day like some sort of bird. But this.. This was outrageous, cruel. To not let your daughter out of the house at all? That’s what you’d been dealing with this entire time?

Relationships with parents are complex, but he almost can’t even believe you still love her after all this, that you still want to uphold whatever ambitions it is that she has for you; if it were him, he doesn’t think he could stand it. He followed in his parents footsteps because he wanted to, not because he was forced to. And he doesn’t imagine you’d be much different from him in that regard; naive though you may be at times, you had a strong sense of responsibility, and were intelligent in matters he was clueless on, a completely different kind of intellect from his own.

“You can stay with me,” he wants to say, “I’ll never make you do a single thing you don’t want to do, you’ll always be respected and happy.” But he knows you’d refuse, your sense of pride in yourself and responsibility simply too strong to abandon just because of one obstacle, harsh though that obstacle may be. In equal measure, you don’t think you could ever ask him to stay with you. How much would he have to give up to be with you?

You don’t want to ask that of him- to make him give up his home and all he holds dear just to be stuck in the castle with you. He doesn’t even know you’re the princess in the first place. And though you love him, it’s painfully apparent that you’re in two separate worlds that may not be destined to converge though you wish them to. “I don’t want this to be the end,” you say, hot tears finally starting to fall as you the emotion unleashes itself from the depths of where you’d pushed them down, “I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”

God, Changbin feels like his heart is shattering. It’s so painful to see you reduced to this, you who is always so bright and vibrant in her joy, brought low to tears and heartache. Why must you endure this? Does your mother truly not understand how much pain she causes you but not allowing you to simply live? “Don’t think like that. If you say it’s the end, then it will be,” he whispers, the pain in his own voice evident despite how he tries to hide it behind a mask of strength for your sake.

The tears flow from your eyes and you let him rub them away with his thumb, letting him fill your head with impossible, sweet promises. Your whole life was clouded in dreadful, dreary rain, and there’s nowhere you wanted to be more after the rain than with Changbin. What a ray of sunshine he was, even without intending to be- the light that illuminated your otherwise dark existence. And how painful it was to know that come morning, it would all become nothing but a memory from your youth.

You lean forward to kiss him, tears continuing to leak from the corners despite having your eyes closed now. You want to tell him “I love you” but you fear that saying so will only make the act of parting that much harder and painful. You fear that no matter how much time passes, the name of your first love will forever be written in your heart, that you will never stop loving him even should you lead lives separate from one another. And still, you have no regrets, because for a time you felt truest joy and love, and what a gift it was to share with him.

Taking his hands from your face, he pulls you closer, your entangled limbs being woven together more complexly, your torsos now completely flushed to one another, his arms wrapped around and holding you tight, as if lessening his hold on you would cause you to dissipate. And perhaps you will disappear, but not now- not while he has you like this, not when you are where you long to be most. Your tears slow, eventually receding completely as your lips touch.

If this is truly your last moment together, you have decided you will not spend it wallowing in sorrow- you will enjoy all you can, you will memorize every detail, you will etch it in your very soul. “Are you warm enough?” Changbin asks after he separates from you, but still close enough that his breath lingers on your lips. “Could be warmer,” you answer and he chuckles softly, kissing you again, his hands roaming down the expanse of your body, to your hips.

“Want me to add more to the fire?” he asks, a playful lilt in his voice as he knows that’s not what you’re insinuating. While you normally speak quite openly and honestly, you become.. meek within intimate moments. Changbin always finds it incredibly cute, how you dance around what you mean, waiting for him to get the hint and give you what you want. He always gets the hint, but it’s fun to see your blush grow hotter, to see you stumble with your words when he plays dumb about what you mean, or purposely misunderstands just to make you state what you want clearly.

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt, but..” you trail off, chewing on your lip nervously as you meet his eyes again. He raises his brow but says nothing, smiling patiently as he waits for you to speak your mind. What a menace, you think, he always does this when he realizes you want to be intimate with him. However, he doesn’t intend to waste too much time making you flustered and teasing; it’s just.. if this is the last time like you seem to believe, then he wanted to see it again now, before the opportunity was lost to him.

“I’ve missed you a lot, you know. I want you to touch me,” you finally answer and he coos, furthering the embarrassment you feel as heat rushes to your face. But better than being cold like you were earlier, you suppose; maybe you should welcome his teasing, since it never fails to make your face and body hot. “You missed me, darlin’? I missed you too,” he smiles, kissing your face, your lips, your jaw, your neck, “thought about you every damn day.”

His low voice near your ear makes you shudder, his soft kisses down your neck, to your shoulder, furthering the feeling. You never let him mark your skin, afraid of what consequences would come from your mother finding out what you’d been doing, but you’re tempted to let him tonight- if you’re going to be punished regardless, why not be selfish, go out with a display? “Binnie, leave a mark on me, please,” you shamelessly plead, using the nickname you know he loves to hear you speak.

Changbin lifts his head from your shoulder, meeting your gaze with uncertain excitement. God, he’d love to, but.. “Are you certain? What of your mother?” he asks carefully, pushing your hair behind your neck to expose more of your skin. He may be apprehensive out of concern, but the minute you make it clear you have no reservations, he’s obliging without restraint, giving you everything you ask- anything you want, you’ll have it.

“I don’t care what she thinks anymore, I want her to know that I.. have someone I love,” you answer sincerely, and he smiles, his heart feeling like it’s expanding in size. “You love me?” he asks, and you return his smile as you nod, because though you were scared to tell him, you are glad you did. His reaction to the information was completely worth it, his eyes sparkling with deep emotion and fondness for you.

“I love you too. More than you probably know,” he says, mirroring what he said when he confessed that he liked you too, and he lets you pull him into a kiss, your affection radiating. There’s a soft giggle that escapes him, not being able to help how giddy your love makes him feel, how you love him despite what people in your life expect from you. If he could, he’d assure them all how well he’d take care of you, how he’d make sure you never suffered a day in your life because of him. He suspects your mother doesn’t care much about your happiness, but if she did, if she gave him the chance to prove it, he wouldn’t rest until he gave you the entire world, until she could see your love as true.

You lay your head back to the pillows, tilting it comfortably so that Changbin has more access to your skin. His breath warms you, and you all but tremble with anticipation when you feel his lips on you again, knowing your skin will finally bear his mark after all this time. You’ve seen such a mark briefly on your maids that you know to have lovers, how they try to hide them with their hair or makeup, the sort of shame and embarrassment they feel when they realize you’ve noticed it.

You will have no such shame; you will wear them proudly, in a show that is simultaneously of love and rebellion. I have and I know love, and that is all that matters. People will certainly have opinions, but you’ve sacrificed enough to them. If there is only one day you can live selfishly, you want it to be this day; and even as the marks fade, they will serve as a reminder of what you once had.

He plants open mouthed kisses to your neck, the feeling of his tongue and teeth grazing you adding to the anticipation you feel. Your fingers tangle in his dark, unruly curls, as he carefully, almost gently, sucks and bites at your supple skin, leaving behind a string of beautiful, red, blue, and purple bruises. There’s a tinge of pain, yes, but the excitement grows beyond the subtle sting, transforming it almost entirely into pleasure.

When Changbin’s finished with one side, he lies you on your back and does the same to the other, your eyes fluttering closed as you tilt your head for him to have more room to work. You unintentionally tug on his hair when his teeth meet a particularly sensitive spot, and you would’ve apologized had he not groaned in delight from the feeling. You learned something new about him every time you were intimate, and this discovery in particular had your stomach flipping.

“Want you to take it off,” he mumbles in reference to your dress, pulling at the fabric that had begun to bunch up at your thighs. You hum, detangling your hand from his hair and letting him sit up, watching as he lifts his own shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside. In all the times you’ve seen Changbin’s skin bare, you never stopped being amazed at how divine he looked. He was so big and strong, it always left you breathless, his cute, soft stomach a direct contrast from the bulk in his arms and chest. And then there was the small patch of hair that led from his belly button to the waistband of his trousers that always left you hungry to see the rest of him.

Still feeling a bit weak from your exertion prior, you ask Changbin to help you remove your dress, which he is more than happy to do. He’s careful with the fabric, though you’ve decided you don’t care about it at this particular moment, and he sets it aside with much more care than he did his own clothing. What a gentleman he is, you think, taking the extra time to care for your clothes even when he’s met with you bare before him.

Well, not entirely bare- you still have your undergarments on, and after deciding you’d see Changbin today no matter what, you purposely wore your prettiest pair. A beautiful, intricate and delicate white lace, one you might aspire to wear on your wedding night. He looks you over in awe, taking in all your details. You were always beautiful, but your choice in clothing somehow enhances it, drives his excitement even further.

“Fuck, you’re stunning. How did I get so lucky?” Changbin questions aloud and you smile, a soft giggle escaping you as he leans back down to kiss you. “Take your pants off too, otherwise it isn’t fair,” you playfully complain and he grins, letting out a chuckle of his own as lifts himself back up. “Maybe I spoil you too much, giving you everything you want so easily,” he responds to your complaint with one of his own, trying not to smile so that he appears serious- though you are easily able to read that he’s playing around, just as you were.

“You give me everything I want because I’m a good girl for you though, right?” you ask and he groans audibly; you admitted early on in your sexual relationship that you were curious about being called such things, and when he tried it out, it was discovered that he liked saying it just as much as you liked being called it. It’s not just saying it to you that he likes either- hearing you call yourself one, saying it’s just for him.. that’s what really gets him going.

He doesn’t want to be presumptuous and say you belong to him, especially not after all you’ve suffered through, but he definitely belongs to you. You don’t anticipate Changbin pulling his underwear down with his trousers, but the sight of his cock is never unwelcome. It’s already hard and leaking, and when he leans down to you once again, you can feel it pressing against your bare thigh, smearing its fluid on your skin. It always excites you, how hard he gets from your body, and while you are normally much more timid, you’re enjoying getting him riled up quickly.

“You’re dangerous,” he says with a small huff, and before you can come back with more words to make his cock throb, he’s kissing you again, this time wasting no time with softness and shoving his tongue past your lips. You welcome it, opening your mouth for him, letting his tongue tangle with yours. The feeling always makes you light-headed in the most delicious way possible- it’s intoxicating to put it simply, and you would kiss him for hours and hours if given the chance.

His hands come to your bra, unhooking it easily after all the practice he’s had, and though he could easily toss it aside, he breaks away long enough to set it down gently. You giggle at how he’s still treating your clothes with care even while this hard and eager, but that’s what makes you love him so much. Returning to your mouth, he nips and sucks at your bottom lip, and you mewl at the sting, which Changbin always gladly soothes with his tongue before repeating.

His fingers roll, pinch, and tug your nipples, not too hard, but enough to have you whining and squeezing your legs together. They were always so sensitive in Changbin’s rough, calloused hands, and there were times you felt you could cum simply from the stimulation of them alone, especially when he used his mouth. And he did just that when he pulled away to stop kissing you, though not right away.

He kissed all over your chest, leaving love bites and sucking small, almost delicate bruises onto the sensitive skin of your breasts, not yet touching your nipples with his tongue and teeth. You told him to mark you, and it seems he was determined to do it everywhere- not that you had any objections. It was a bit strange, seeing your chest bitten and the color of your flesh changed, but you equally enjoyed it, loved the physical proof that Changbin was on you.

When his tongue finally swirled around one of your nipples, you let out a breathy moan that quickly turned into a drawn out whimper when he used his teeth to carefully tug. He made sure not to hurt you too overtly, to just give you enough of that sweet sting you found so enticing and pleasurable, and in return you gave him that same delicious feeling by tugging on his hair every time you felt good.

Your panties were soaked by the time he stopped giving your breasts attention, and though you hadn’t reached your peak from the stimulation, you felt so close. Resuming his path down your body, Changbin’s cock throbs and twitches when he’s met with evidence of your excitement, your white panties darkened by how damp they’ve become. He doesn’t pull them down right away- he kisses your legs first, and then your thighs, leaving behind the same kisses and marks he gave to your chest and neck.

Your inner thighs are especially sensitive, and it causes you to jolt and whine when he sinks his teeth into the meat of them. He’s got you so impossibly worked up, you feel like you could cry when he finally gives your neglected heat the attention it craves. He praises you before he slides your panties down your legs, and there’s a relieved sort of noise coming from your throat that makes Changbin chuckle.

You keen when his tongue finally slips between your folds, licking and sucking up everything you have to offer him. There’s an enthusiastic hum that leaves his lips when your fingers tangle in his hair again, followed by a groan when you pull and tug. Your legs are trembling and twitching so much, constantly threatening to lose around his head, that he has to push them down to keep you how he wants you.

It’s when his tongue meets your clit that you really start to lose yourself, your hips jolting up and back arching, legs quivering when he wraps his lips around it and sucks. You’re panting, begging him, incoherently mumbling and babbling about how close you are, and within seconds you’re seeing white, eyes rolling back as further wetness gushes on his face. He licks your release up with another eager hum, dragging out the feeling until you’re a quivering, overstimulated mess beneath him.

You release your hold on his curls when you finally come down from your high and your body relaxes, opening your eyes to see Changbin grinning at you, evidently proud of the fact that he got you to cum in record time. He kisses you softly, quick and chaste, not trying to hinder you from taking any of the breaths you need, just wanting to show his affection. “What do you want next, darlin’? Since I’m givin’ you everything you want,” he asks, rubbing soothing circles on your skin as he awaits your answer.

“W-Want to be on top but.. I’m still feeling pretty weak. Especially after that,” you reply with a slight blush, and he chuckles again, cooing at you as if you’re just so sweet and cute (and to be fair, you are. At least to him.) “S’okay sweetheart, I can help you,” Changbin says sweetly, giving you one more kiss before he’s lying down on the makeshift bed and pulling you on top of him. Your legs are on either side of them, his hands on your hips, looking up at you with pure affection.

“This good? Comfortable?” he asks, and you hum with a nod, smiling just a bit as you lean down to kiss him again. Normally, given how thick he is, Changbin would prep you before having you take his cock, but given how wet and excited you are, he doesn’t think the prep is as necessary (and you might not be patient enough for it after all the build up to this point regardless.) He helps you line yourself up with his cock, both of you letting out your own shaky noises as you sink down on him.

“Atta girl, keep goin’, just like that, sit on me all the way,” he encourages you, and you do just as he asks, your hands tightly gripping his biceps to ground and support yourself as you sit flush with his body, the back of your thighs meeting the top of his. He rubs your thighs and legs, trying to show soothing affection as you adjust and settle, listening attentively to all the trembling exhales and noises you make.

You look so beautiful atop him, illuminated in the gentle, warm glow of the fireplace, your hair having fallen in a way that messily, yet somehow perfectly, frames your face. He can see everything- your breasts, your stomach, your thighs, beautifully painted with all the marks he left behind. You can feel him twitching and throbbing inside you, but he doesn’t rush you along, lets you take all the time you need.

You feel him twitch again when you lean down to kiss him, and it’d make you giggle if it also didn’t make a wave of pleasure shoot through your body. You move your hands to his chest to support your own weight better, experimentally rolling your hips as you coax your tongue into his mouth. He lets out a groan from deep in his chest as you move, his tongue wasting no time in meeting and dancing with yours, his fingers squeezing at the already tender meat of your thighs.

You lift yourself back up to begin moving in earnest, your hands still planted firmly on his chest for support as you slide yourself up and down his length. The slow pace, while it still feels good, isn’t enough for either of you, and soon enough you find yourself practically bouncing on his cock, the sound of your thighs repeatedly slapping down on his echoing into the room. Changbin curses, biting his lip as he watches you, using his hands to help guide you up and down, trying to ease some of the ache in your legs.

He thrusts upward into you when your pace starts to stutter and lose rhythm, and you gasp, eyes rolling back as he hits the perfect spot again and again. It reaches a point where his hands simply hold you in the right place while he exerts all his effort, feet planted firmly on the ground while he does all the work from below. Your nails dig into his skin, head falling back as you feel your release building up again.

Changbin effortlessly flips your positions, though he is careful not to hurt you in his haste- he just wants to make you fall apart again, and it’s easier to do that if he doesn’t have to control your movements- just his own. He resumes the pace he held from below, bringing two of his fingers to your clit and rubbing in quick circles, unable to help the way he groans when he feels you clench around him even tighter in response.

“B-Bin, please, Binnie, so close,” you babble and whine, your hands twisting the blankets beneath you. “I know sweetheart, let go, be a good girl and give it to me,” he grunts out, and again, you feel white hot pleasure coursing through your veins, your vision blurring and mind growing fuzzy as you let go. “Good girl, just a little more, just need you to hang on for a little more,” he both instructs and praises, pulling out just long enough to flip you to your stomach, pushing back into your heat just as quickly as he left it.

You whimper loudly, fingers clutching desperately at the pillow your head rests on, Changbin bringing a hand around your body to lift your hips ever so slightly. He was hitting your spot deliciously from this angle, the pleasure so great that tears once again pricked the corners of your eyes, threatening to fall with each gasp and whimper you released. You turn your head back as much as you can, delighted in the visage of Changbin’s head thrown back in pleasure,

He always got rougher when he started to get close, his hands always tightening their grip, his thrusts, while growing less rhythmic, became harsher and faster, almost desperate, and it was always a treat to experience. You loved watching him lose himself to the pleasure, loved that it was you and your body that brought him there, loved how his grunts and groans transformed into higher pitched whimpers and whines.

You bring your own fingers to your clit, wanting to let him enjoy and focus on his release since he already spent so much time on your pleasure. He leans forward, his chest pressed into your back, his hot breath hitting your ear, his whines and praises pouring directly into it. “Fuck, sweetheart, feel so good, ‘m gonna- fuck, gonna fill you up,” he stammers out, and it sends a shiver down your spine, your stomach erupting in countless butterflies, driving you to speed up the motion of your fingers.

You release again with a strangled cry, gushing around his length and on your fingers. Changbin follows closely behind, the feeling of you clenching and squeezing around him as you cum for the third time sending him over his peak. He releases in long, drawn out spurts, both of you breathless and exhausted when he collapses next to you. You both know you should get cleaned up, but you’re both too tired to care, and he can always clean up his messes in the morning. For now, he just wants to stay close, here in front of the fire, with you.

This very well could be your last night together, but he doesn’t want to believe it is. He wants to believe that the two of you can find a solution somehow, that after all the hardship, you’ll be smiling at him in the end. There’s a part of you that doesn’t even want to fall asleep at all- you want to stay up all night, to not waste a single moment you have left, to stare and feel and love until the very last second, so that he’ll remember him clearly always.

You do your best to not become teary eyed again, having promised yourself you wouldn’t spend your night with him wrapped up in your sorrow and dread. But oh, how you wish there was more time, how you wish that your mother would understand you, that you could have just this one thing. But you suppose for a girl with immense responsibility, happiness is too much to ask for. You sacrifice your happiness so that others may have it instead- as noble an act as any, but you selfishly wish you could have both; the people’s happiness and your own.

The idea of running away still leaves you torn, even after all this time. You don’t want to let anyone down.. but still, you have to ask yourself, is doing what’s right for your family and future worth all this heartache? If it’s what is right, why does it make your heart feel as if it’s been shattered like glass? You’ve been told in life that the right thing to do is never the easiest, but you can’t imagine that in this case, walking away from either side is right.

You want both. Is that truly so wrong? You want to be a ruler worthy of her name and title, and you want Changbin. Why must you choose one over the other? As far as you’re aware, even now, Changbin doesn’t know you’re the princess. He’ll likely find out soon, when every knight in the town is floundering to find you come morning, when they realize you’re gone. You should slip away before then, lest your lover be met with undue scrutiny and unfair treatment from your mother and other nobles.

But looking at him now, even still.. you don’t want to leave. You’ll never want to leave. “Sweetheart,” Changbin calls softly, his hand reaching up to leave comforting, lingering touches to your head. “I can tell what you’re thinkin’. But don’t be sad yet, not ‘til we’ve said goodbye.” You blink away the accumulating tears with a nod, swallowing down the lump in your throat the best you can and burying your face into Changbin’s welcoming body.

You’re so, so tired, and you know he is too, but he’s trying his best for you. And he’s being the strong one despite how much his heart aches with yours. He rubs your head, kisses your temple, tells you he loves you. Your heart breaks and mends all at once; how bittersweet this moment is.. If you’re lucky, you have about 7 hours until anyone realizes you’re gone. Maybe you can sleep for just a few, just enough to get some of this ache out of your body, and then you can spend the rest with Changbin.

You’ll cry, you know, as soon as you depart back home. You’ll cry when the hole in the castle’s defenses is completely sealed. You’ll cry when you look to the fields his home sits on from the bedroom window. Still.. you do your best to uphold your promise to yourself, and now to Changbin. You won’t cry, and you won’t be upset- not yet, anyways. Not until you’ve actually parted ways. For now, you’ll continue to lie in his arms, continue to express your love for him, continue to smile and laugh as if this isn’t the end, until morning comes and reminds you painfully that it is.

How beautiful it was to love Seo Changbin, to learn and to grow and to really live with his help, patience, and care. How fondly you’ll miss him in every moment, how lovingly you’ll always hold his memory. Brief though your love together is, much shorter than it should have been, it has changed you for the better, and you’ll never regret it, even should your heart ache. And maybe Changbin is right; maybe there is room for hope, and maybe you’ll see each other again much sooner than you allow yourself to think. No matter what lies before you, there is one thing for certain; Changbin is your first love, and he’ll forever be etched in your heart- your lover, your deepest connection, your closest confidant. And how grateful you are to have known him.

#skz x reader #changbin x reader #skz smut #changbin smut #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fluff #skz angst #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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devilruin · 5 months

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【 Please note! 】 ⎯⎯⎯ Please remember to look at each author's do not interact criteria and blog rules before interacting with them! Also, please check each work for specific tags!

if a link to a piece is :

⛧ ⋅ italicized ― it contains explicit content

⛧ ⋅ bold ― it contains dark content

⛧ ⋅ italicized and bold ― it contains both dark and explicit content

✧ @merakiui ― mera's ingenuity always blows my mind. the way she places little hidden tidbits of information within her works has me scanning every line like a detective (and i adore mysteries!) she has a certain kind of poetic prose that draws me in and wraps itself around my brain.

personal picks : being general lilia's spoil of war (oh to be pitied and protected by the great general himself...) , professor ashengrotto (mmm...a gross misuse of power paired with favoritism always tastes divine) , cat's cradle with childe (reader playing games they can't win... it always seems like a good idea, until its not), hatefully yours with scaramouche (unfortunately reader will always going to be fucked no matter what option they choose) , kaeya and childe as a double yandere team (said it before and i'll say it again, if these two were to actually put everything aside and work together, well, all i can say is good luck), and diluc and kaeya as roommates (also a crazy team and since they're both super volatile, there will likely be some pretty nasty insults flung around on a daily basis)

✧ @mirdance ― kay is just such a joy to be around. their sense of humor and chill vibes always make me feel at ease, and the jokes they make normally have me wheezing with laughter! not to mention their cosplays are top notch! they really put so much of themselves into their works and it shows! each of their pieces have so much soul to them, and i love it!

personal picks : inamorati with pierro (tools need to be used often to be kept sharp, and the way pierro uses reader for his own machinations is just spot on) , heizou first kiss (so cute! i wanna squish his cheeks) , kaeya first kiss prompt (power move: sleep with your crush's crush to see if they're better than you (spoiler: they're not)) , dottore somnophilia (real quick, do you think he'd fuck reader on a bloody experimentation table to torment them once they woke up?) , and all for her majesty with the tsaritsa (on my knees for you, my queen of ice)

✧ @monstrouslyobsessed ― momster is an amazing writer and artist whose works mainly feature supernatural entities. their dedication to their works and the level of detail they put into each piece really makes their works shine! i love them so much and always enjoy seeing new excerpts from their works!

personal picks : his sacrificial lamb (please bite me sir... i am begging...) , i’m your god now (poor reader being passed from god to demon...) , like a moth to the flame (yes... i love it... brb taking notes on how to write because this is so good), yuki onna headcanons (i adore how cunning oyuki is! reminds me of the fact that most people don't realize they have frostbite until it's too late), a holy knight, defiled (all dragons are welcomed with open arms here) , mother’s vessel with jenova (the slice with sephiroth is perfectly timed, and jenova's desperation for freedom is almost pitiful...almost.) , poor unfortunate soul (move over ursula its time for the real witch of the sea!) , and vile affection (do the divine do what's best for the people they're supposed to protect? or do they do what's best for them?)

if you would like to be removed from this list, please let me know!

#🏛️ — prized collection #recommendation library #author recommendations #work recommendations

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gameshamus · 7 months

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(SPOILERS) Steve Wolfhard Confirmed PB and Marcelene in Adventure Time's Finale Intro

@gunterfan1992 and I were talking last night about our favorite show Adventure Time. I broke the news to him about Marcelene and PB's survival 1000+ following the events of "Come Along With Me."

A few years ago, I attended a twitch stream with Steve Wolfhard. I can recall the event very vividly. This was during the time of Distant Lands, quite a while before the episode Together Again aired. Steve was streaming his wife Leslie pickling vegetables. Leslie was on the right side of the screen at a counter with the pickling jars, one of which seemed to contain a carrot. The jars were of decent height but not dummy thicc. Steve was off camera some of the time especially when reading comments, but I got to see him enough to identify it was actually him and he answered the comments verbally.

I will spare the suspense and tell you that Marceline was confirmed to be the character in the intro in the brown parka and boots in the Ice Kingdom at that the pink hands gripping the ice bars were those of Princess Bubblegum's. Marcelene was in the Ice Kingdom to rescue PB. He also confirmed Patience St. Pim being in the egg and that Flame Princess and Slime Princess were both dead and had reincarnated into X and O who had been put into the intro to give closure to what happened to the fire and slime elementals. He said so basically Game Shamus, everyone is dead and then he laughed. He said everyone is dead except for Princess Bubblegum, Patience St. Pim, Sweet Pea, Gunter, and BMO. and maybe he mentioned the King of Ooo but I don't remember anymore, probably because I don't care about the king of Ooo. I primarily came because I wanted to know about Flame Princess.

Congratulations to the community on Bubbeline's relationship surviving well over 1000+ years!

I have quite a bit more information about other adventure time related stuff so just follow my blog if you want to keep updated.

#adventure time #come along with me #bubbeline

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logo-ssspathosss · 4 days

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💚💛❤️ Third Life Series in 2024 (happy 3 years of third life!!) 💚💛❤️

“This series went from being like ‘it’s hardcore with a gimmick!’ to ‘it’s like battle dome in here!’”

so because it has been 3 years since our beloved traffic series has started, i figured a good way to celebrate would be going back and watch 3rd life from the winners pov.

this post will basically contain notes from the 1st episode that my brain has entirely/somewhat forgotten.

if you have not watched 3rd life FULLY this is will contain spoilers! i feel like thats a given, but i'll put it here anyway.

(i was thinking about making this post just for funsies but then i checked the date and realized that it was actually 3rd life’s 3 year anniversary TODAY. fjdkjfkdjd I SO PLANNED THIS. TOTALLY!)

ONE MORE QUICK THING!!: did i forget anything? reply, or put it into the tags if theres something I missed!!

EPISODE ONE: Grian plays Minecraft… With a TWIST

. this is the first series Grian’s officially played using the proximity chat mod.

. mentioned briefly at 2:55, this is Grian’s first hardcore series he’s ever played in.

. the first person grian meets up with is BigB!

. Grian only sees RenDog once in his first episode.

. Grian was originally going to base somewhere in the flower forest (closer to where Scott and Jimmy eventually live) before basing with Scar in the desert. However, once he started building, Grian immediately disliked it, and called it the ugliest thing he’s ever built.

. Grian gives his flint and steel to Scar, which he uses to burn down Etho's dark oak tree.

. Grian hides two villagers, and originally wants to show them to Etho. However, Impulse, and Bdubs, follow, and the word gets out shortly after. *

. Scar and Grian were going to team up BEFORE Scar was killed. Scar first brings up having a monopoly on sand around the 12 minute mark.

. (not really notes but) Scar takes his shirt off for the first time at 15 minutes exactly. (i can’t believe im writing this smh)

. * Grian is invited to go back to the village after venturing to the sand biome with Scar, and trades his villagers. (he trades them for 3 diamonds, a dark oak sapling, a lava bucket, a juke box and disc, a bed, and some other lint)

. Grian explodes Scar at the 21:25 minute mark. There were 6 witnesses to his 'prank'. Impulse, Etho, Cleo, Bdubs, Tango, and Martyn. (my favorite thing about this is that Ren puts in the chat "Enchanting would have helped with that")

. Grian pledges his 1st life to Scar(didn't really forget that part, but i did forget that Grian loses his first life near the end of the series

. Pizza is first seen at the 25 minute mark exactly! (i think Pizza spawned in during a cut in Grian’s video. because i am only watching his pov, i do not know where Pizza originally cane from, this is the best estimate.)

. Grian abandons his first base in the flower forest at 26:15. This hole-in-the wall base didn’t last an episode.

. Grian and Scar originally wanted to have a monopoly over sand AND dark oak, and successfully chopped down the ‘only’ forest they saw. However, there was another not too far away from their base which ultimately ruined that monopoly. That being said, if the second dark oak forest had not been there, they might’ve had a chance at monopolizing dark oak saplings.

.💚💛❤️.

I will be doing more posts like this for all of the episodes of Grian’s pov. that being said, if i miss something that was said/a scene in a different pov, i will not include that in this post.

for now, i hope you’ve enjoyed this little forgotten-info post, and i encourage you to watch the series for yourself!

I remember watching 3rd life for the first time when the episodes were still coming out, and i’ve loved the series ever since. It was, and still is a comfort series i watch when going through tough times. I’ve met lots of people, and made lots of friends through this series, and although i don’t post a lot about it on my blog, i’m grateful to have found a community who feels the same.

thanks for reading!

.💚💛❤️.

#happy 3rd life anniversary!!#3rd life #third life #3rd life smp #third life smp #traffic series #grian

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mister-blueeyes · 15 days

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Info + Rules!! || Gojo - He/Him / Mod - She/They

- This blog is mainly focused around a silly little crossover idea of Jujustu Kaisen x Identity V, meaning that this setting for the blog will take place in the manor - similar to an in-game crossover event

( Because of this, there might be mentions of other JJK characters in the manor! wouldn’t be a proper crossover “event” without others <3 however, Gojo is the only muse available on this blog at the time )

- ( Crossover Reasons and all that jazz, Gojo is getting thrown into the Prospector role. Congrats Norton, you’re getting another (hypothetical) skin )

- Throwing it out here now that this is a shitpost blog, so by no means will this actually be taken seriously seriously. This is mainly for shits and giggles and due to the mun being impulsive <3

- Despite being a shitpost blog (/lh) it is also both a roleplay and an ask blog. Which mean any type of interactions ( oc, canon, anon, go wild) are fine! Any responses will, for the most part, consist of written responses

- Something something please remember that muse does not equal mod. That being said, there is a chance that dark topics will arise in the future! You have been warned in advance

- There is a good chance that this blog will contain JJK spoilers (mainly towards season 1-2, I’d assume we wouldn’t go into manga territory. I hope we don’t go into manga territory that is a whole another can of worms that I don’t wish to deal with /lh)

- Oh and this IS a SFW blog. suggestiveness and flirting is fine (I guess, I suppose) but please don’t go overboard, I have a right to not answer things that’ll make me #uncomfortable

- Finally, this blog is pretty HC-heavy!! hcs are just a little. too silly not to include

Current events!! : None (for now. teehee.)

#idv au #idv crossover #idv crossover blog #jjk #jjk au #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #ask blog #inbox open

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rustyelias · 28 days

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This ask/character dissection contains events from Red Valley, including major spoilers, blood and injury, and the fear of death.

*takes a breath*

Okay so I have become some what of a Clive Schill blog of late, and given that Red Valley in of itself isn’t wildly popular, and that Clive Schill is simultaneously the comic relief and antagonist of the show, there aren’t many people to talk about him with.

Initially, he comes off as just an arse. He’s mean to the protagonists, seems to have no remorse for his actions and is generally shown to also just be bad at his job? His main character traits are his “colourful” insults and his status as the Redval sugar daddy.

This doesn’t really change until near the end of season two, at which point he’s noticed Bryony’s treatment of the mc (Warren) and steps in. His concern is framed as a need for Warren to be in the best shape possible, for presenting to the world as a “solution to cryosleep”, but I do think he was also genuinely uncomfortable with the situation and wanted to get Warren out of there.

This all goes tits up when they return to Red Valley and the season finale happens. Won’t go into details but this winds up with Clive getting shot in the knees. Warren has simultaneously had a brain haemorrhage, and Gordon (mc no.2) has also just been shot. The focus is placed on getting the two mc’s inside of cryopods before they both bleed out. Clive is left forgotten on the floor of the lab.

He is eventually helped by someone else, and doesn’t die, but I think this is an incredibly important moment for his character. His entire story revolves around moving up the corporate ladder, and his desire to be the first to crack hypersleep is Always framed as a desire for recognition (and money).

Clive Schill is terrified of being forgotten. This also ties into his fear of death. He is terrified of dying and nobody remembering him. I think this fear translates into why he’s always so loud, so quick to argue and insult. He’s trying to be noticed.

So when he’s left on the floor bleeding out, with everyone else focusing on saving Warren + Gordon, it’s a huge fucking moment for him.

He goes on to form a business partnership with the person who saves him, they make Aloha Eternity, a cruise ship that utilises cryopreservation. He gets his recognition.

And then…

There’s growing unrest surrounding cryogenics. The world is rapidly going to shit thanks to climate change, partially due to big companies like Overhead (this is the one Clive, Bryony and the entire Red Valley team work for). The leaders and higher ups of said companies all plan to hypersleep (in cryopods) for 1000 years until the world’s unfucked itself. Clive helps this happen with the tech development he’s funded.

And when the time comes, he is not offered a place in the cryopods. Instead, he is made CEO of Overhead Industries. He got his fucking dream come true, because he was deemed expendable enough to let die in the real world. (Before this his cruise ship got blown up by terrorists, truly he has nothing)

So yeah uh there are some mildly coherent thoughts about Clive Schill. There is more where that came from but from here the thoughts get a Lot more incoherent.

Such as Bryony referring to Clive as “the shovel bit of the shovel”

She uses him for his status in Overhead and his money.

Also I think Clive is incredibly touch starved. Never comes up in the show because the only time people get close to him is when they’re hurting him (Warren’s headbutt)

Oh and he looks like Alexander J Newall. And Murph from D20. Just a mix of those two.

And he’s a musician. Like a really talented musician. I have no basis for this hc other than the fact I feel it in my soul.

Anyway if you’ve read this thanks so fucking much, and if not it was still great screaming into the pit

raaah!!! i love him! it's been a while since I last listened to red valley but omg! he is such a character to say he is treated like the comic relief or what I called him that prick™️ he has SO much going on!

Bro really gave his whole life to this business only for them to basically leave him to die in the fucked up world :( also the fucking cruise business bsjdjdjjdj

I love how I went from loving him because he was just the worst to loving him because he is a complex character. Gosh after he was shot man :(

jskskxkdkjd he is SO touch staved you get it! you get it!!

“Also he looks like Alexander J newall” oh god oh fuck its him:

Okay yeah after my relisten of rqg I am 100% going to listen to Red Valley

#infodump moment!!!!#I love when people talk at me /gen #also raaaah the red valley autism is coming back #uensjdjndhd #red valley #eli madness

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phantomram-b00 · 6 months

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Imma use my hottake post to explain it since I felt I should give more context with this take to explain myself why I have this opinion on the topic of this.

For those who don’t know or don’t wanna look back with the link, it basically that my hottake is that I don’t like the theory of what Crowley’s angel name was/could’ve been. I know this might be a bit controversial since I think everyone in this fandom (not to assume ofc), and whilst I get the curiously since Crowley almost never talk about his time over at heaven, mostly for valid reason that I’ll get to. Before I get into this, I know it been month but I wanna still give that this haunted blog/post does contain heavy spoilers so if your planning to watch good omens or haven’t seen season two yet go watch it and come back here, or you can still read— what can I say, I’m only a phantom that have lot to say about good omens and making it everyone else’s problem. But still spoiler warning ahead! So without further or do,

let get into it and talk about our favorite snake demon and a good old fashion lover boy/girl/enby—

So, okay, seeing Angel Crowley, that’s cool and honestly wholesome— despite the poor trauma he’s going to endure and will sauntered vaguely downward for. I remember hearing the theory about how his name could be Raphael, seen some AO3 tags of Crowley used to be Raphael or just people buzzing what his name could’ve been (even some saying it could be Castiel or Cassiel). And while the curiously of it all is cool, for a while I couldn’t really pin it at first as to why I personally didn’t like it. And Idk if that make be boring or a bitch for not wanting to know, it just to me, I felt why does it matter if Crowley himself don’t even want to remember about his time at heaven?

Sure season 2 when he didn’t even say it might have been what spiked it, but i think the whole point about him is the fact that he clearly moved on from it. Does he still hold resentment? Of course, why wouldn’t he be? And from unfair circumstances too:

But, as we’ve seen from most of the flashback, he moved on from it. He using hell as long as he can (lonely? Yep, which is a perfect parallel to how Aziraphale following heaven—), he doesn’t want to remember the angel he is before, he even said it to Aziraphale when he tried to stop him from killing Job’s kids. But I think of how he’s dealt with is how his trauma grew seeing how he doesn’t want to be considered nice or kind; I feel it goes deeper than just because he’s a demon now, I believe (and this is just my observation), he rather not remember the kinder side he was once before because of how the “light” casted him away and how heaven runs things. So why would he want to be associated with those word when it remind him of his time, he rather not remember it (or in a case run away from heaven as much as he can), he rather associate himself from being mean or remember himself as a demon now rather than an angel he once was. (Even though, he is very kind and I wish to hug him. Don’t start-).

Plus, he more comfortable with his new name now, that’s why he even changed it back at the flashback of the crucifixion of Jesus as his named used to be Crawly (which honestly real.) and changed it to Crowley (now technically he changed it again to Anthony J Crowley, but we hardly heart anyone even Aziraphale say it outside from the blitz flashback, so I kinda wanna count it but I’mma not just incase, but I like the name tho-), and since then, he’ve wore that name proudly and never look back, and Aziraphale an ally he is suppose him and call him by his prefer name. That is him saying “I’m not whoever I was before, so I’m going to change my name to move on from my past”, and honestly I stand, I love the fact he want to move on from his time as an angel/move away from his deadname to be the person he is today, proud of the wily serpent ^v^

“But phantom, that still doesn’t explain why you dislike it?”

You’re right, it still doesn’t so imma explain it a bit more, I just feel it shouldn’t matter what his name was, it really up to his (or Neil’s but this is Crowley we’re talking about) own terms, it him that should be able to say his deadname. And if it never reveal, I wouldn’t care since Good Omens from both season shown, Crowley moved on from his angelic past even if he have the grudges he have now after 6000 years he rather accepts his life now and hopefully with the Angel that have supported him and stood by him. And I know the finally is making it seem like Azirapahel want to change him, but like I said here that I don’t think that the case, I don’t think he would ever want him to revert back to the person he was once before, he could never ask Crowley to do such a thing knowing the progress he made. Like I said and will say again, I think this was Azirapahle (in a poor way given the situation and that their communication is the equivalent of a ghost (invisible as fuck)) to give Crowley a change to fix the broken and toxic system heaven been running on since the dawn of time, to give Crowley the chance to fix what need to be fixed with Aziraphale, and Crowley said no, and I think rightly so in his point of view, heaven did treated everyone especially Crowley poorly and is the main source of his trauma, so I’m happy he said no, it not his place to fix the one thing that in his eyes was broken and have always been. So good jobs Crowley for standing your grounds.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, my point is that, Crowley have moved on and it shouldn’t matter what his deadname was, I think we should all respect that when it come to not just his but everyone’s deadname. Crowley clearly doesn’t have to remember his time on heaven, and I gotta respect that. Because if I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t neither if I was a bit braver than he was.

“But phantom what if it was revealed anyway?”

Again I wouldn’t care, like the commenter said (I don’t know how they feel about tagging so I won’t just to be respectful) and I do agree, if it had to be revealed it should be on his own terms. And I do agree, it is up to Crowley, he should be able to say it as it could garner the impactful moment, especially if he does say like “I’m not *this name* anymore” or whatever he’ll say in season 3, (which please let it be greenlit, I’m begging atp).

And honestly, I don’t doubt it really, it seem it might be revealed, which, fine, this is Neil’s work so gotta respect. Just I hope it on his term, and that no one else say it, I don’t even want aziraphale to say it. Just him. He deserve it.

But that’s my take on it. That’s my spew on this. Might be boring or lame to not be curious, but honestly like I said, he’ve going down a path away from heaven and accepted what happen to him. May not be in a healthiest way but regardless I love this demon and I am happy he moved on and I can’t wait to see him again in season 3, David Tennant a perfect Crowley and I wouldn’t have it any other way ^v^

But I hope you enjoy my yet another insane ramble of this show, frankly this show is becoming my life atp and I don’t hate it. I love this show, it my comfort, I’m happy to have this show; if you want to ask me any other questions you can in the AMA box or comments, but also tell me what do you guys think of this theory? Do you love it? Have qualms with it? Or anything? Tell me in the comments or reblog. As always this is phantom, imma go haunt somewhere else.

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pengychan · 9 months

Text

[Good Omens] Come What May, Prologue

Summary: While completely improvised, Gabriel's plan to transfer his memories in the container fly before erasure was rather solid. It came very close to working, too. But 'close' was not enough. [SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2] Characters: Gabriel, Beelzebub, Crowley, Aziraphale, Murien, Michael, Uriel, Saraquael Rating: T All chapters will be tagged as ‘come what may’ on my blog.

A/N: Bitches will get the best possible happy ending for their ship, uncomplicated and 100% satisfying, and then decide to create Problems. That's me, I'm bitches.

***

“... He doesn’t have a desk.”

“I’m sure it won’t take him long to clear--”

“Uriel. He has never had a desk.”

Michael’s word came out cold and clipped; it caused Uriel to go quiet, and Metatron to turn to her. It was a long, piercing look. “Do you believe he’s lied to us?”

Holding Metatron’s gaze was never easy, but Michael did, unflinching. “I know he has.”

Uriel frowned. “But why lie about a desk?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t trust him,” Saraqael spoke up, and looked over at Michael. “Can I start the memory wipe now?”

“Yes. Do that.”

***

The average adult human brain has the ability to store the equivalent of 2.5 million gigabytes digital memory. While it may seem impressive, the mind of an archangel - let alone that of the only first-order archangel in existence - is not built like that of a human. Its capacity is infinitely superior and can therefore contain nearly limitless information, which comes in handy when you’re immortal and there are indeed countless things, names and events to remember.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that the storage has to be full. Some archangels - specifically, the only first-order archangel in existence - do have quite a lot of empty space left for the data to move around like tumbleweed in a bad Western movie. However, the mind’s capacity is exponentially higher than any supercomputer in the world, and the amount of data in it is exponentially higher than that in any human brain. Or that of many, many human brains glued together with several supercomputers thrown in here and there. The more data, the more time is needed to delete it.

This is all to say that, however efficient the memory wipe is, it takes time. Not much time, but time nonetheless; enough for the subject to know it’s happening. It is generally painless, though.

Unless the subject in question is foolish enough to fight it.

***

“NO!”

Gabriel jerked upright, the half-open match box falling from his fingers. The fly-- the gift -- flew off, still empty, but he hardly noticed. He fell on his knees, clutching his head with another cry. He knew instantly that something hadn’t worked - odd, with a plan so brilliant - and now a hole had opened up in his mind, a back hole capable of pulling in galaxies and reducing them to nothing.

He had seen black holes at work, or-- had he? He didn’t recall. Those memories, too, were being pulled into the black, stripped from him, erased entirely.

It had started, it was happening and he couldn’t stop it.

“No, no, no, no, no--”

Archangel Gabriel stood and forced himself to move, forced himself to walk and then run as fast as he could with his memories and sense of self being actively ripped away by… by… who was doing this to him? He didn’t know. He didn’t remember.

The elevator. I need to get downstairs, I must go down, I must--

Where was the elevator? Was he going the right way? He needed to get in it to take him… to take him where?

Down. Down. Must go down. They’re there.

Who?

They-- no. No. Please. There is someone. It must go-- I must go--

Where?

Before… before…

Before what? What was happening?

Doesn’t matter. The most important thing… the only important thing--

Even with his thoughts disjointed and flashing across his mind in a futile attempt to escape the pull of nothingness he - who was he? - almost, almost made it to the elevator. At that point he could not recall where said elevator was supposed to take him, but he had to get in. He only knew as much, that he had to go because… because…

Almost there, he managed to think.

Where?

Closer. I’m getting… I'm getting…

Close. But ‘close’ was not enough.

The black hole tore away the last lingering memory he’d been trying to hold onto. It hurt, like something vital being snatched from his fingers. Purple irises flickered, then dulled to green, blinking in confusion at the threshold of an elevator that had been reached too late.

The archangel Gabriel was no more.

Just above the hollow shell, and just as empty, the container fly kept buzzing softly.

***

NUMBER DEACTIVATED

For a few moments, Beelzebub stared. Then they stared some more. They tilted their head, and squinted for good measure. The words on the screen made no more sense than they did before.

NUMBER DEACTIVATED

That had never happened. That was not supposed to happen. Why would Gabriel deactivate his number? And most of all, why would he do that without so much telling them? The idea he may have had second thoughts about their entire… agreement, and all that came with it, briefly crossed their mind - only to be immediately dismissed with a scoff.

No, of course not. He would not. The most pompous archangel of all Heaven was currently wrapped around their little finger, which would have been quite useful to Hell if not for the fact they were, unfortunately, wrapped just as firmly around his. Quite a mess they had gotten themselves into. And neither of them wanted out, Beelzebub was sure of it.

So what was going on? Something smelled fishy, and not just because Dagon had been in the room. They tried to call again, just to see if something would change, and it did. Now the message that pinged on the screen had more words.

Unfortunately, none of them was good.

NUMBER DEACTIVATED. FOR FURTHER COMMUNICATIONS, CONTACT ARCHANGEL MICHAEL.

***

“Oh, and this is your station, sir! I mean-- I know I don’t have to call you that, you’re technically below me, but I was never in charge of anyone before. So, I hope I don’t mess up?”

Muriel smiled, watching the new junior recording angel - 38th class, one below them, they had no idea there was a rank below theirs! - look over the scrolls and the archive he was now tasked to help them keep in order and update and all that. He turned to them, and smiled back.

Did he look… vaguely familiar? Muriel must have seen him around before, even though their office was so remote, they saw very few angels.

“You’re doing great!” he exclaimed, like he’d just seen them perform the miracle of miracles. “And… where am I again?”

“The archives. Ah, a lot of angels have never been around here, it’s all right! I’ll show you around,” they offered, still a little giddy at the notion that they now had someone else to work with on a daily basis. Things could get a little lonely in that corner of Heaven; Saraquael’s arrival had been the biggest thing to happen in… nearly five centuries, they guessed.

“This is a new junior recording angel, 38th class. He will work under you, so do show him the ropes. Jibreel, you will do everything they tell you to. Is that clear?”

Muriel could quickly tell that a lot of things were not all that clear to Jibreel, but that was all right. They liked explaining things, and he liked to listen. And he smiled a lot. They liked that, too.

Yes, they were going to get along swimmingly.

***

[On to Chapter 1]

#good omens 2 #ineffable bureaucracy #archangel gabriel #beelzebub #go2 spoilers #gos2 spoilers #come what may

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archiveikemen · 1 year

Text

Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 0

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by downloading and playing their games.

read this before interacting with my posts

warning: mention of suicide attempt

Episode 0 contains major spoilers for Liam’s main story. Please proceed at your own discretion if you have yet to read the main story.

…

Liam Evans, stage actor. That’s my job.

On tonight’s stage as well, I will leave “myself” behind and play my role.

Liam: Thank you for coming to our play tonight!

…

I have another job.

That is—

I’m a member of “Crown”, an imperial organisation under the direct command of Queen Victoria.

…

Victor: Well then— are you ready, gentlemen?

Liam: Of course, Victor. It's been a long time since we last went on a mission together. How exciting.

I changed my clothes immediately after my performance ended, and went from being Liam the stage actor, to being Liam the member of Crown.

Harrison: Calm down a little. Getting too carried away will only result in you being hurt.

Roger: I mean, I can patch you up if it's not a serious injury. But if you die, that just means I have one less person to help me with my research.

Liam: Thanks, Roger. As expected of a former doctor.

It was rare for every member of Crown to be present, and everyone was chatting away.

We’ve never once collectively agreed on anything, but neither do we intend to ever do that. Because that’s what makes us Crown.

William: — Looks like Crown is ready, Victor.

Victor: Ahaha! Good. You lot are so carefree and wonderful as always. Well then, shall we begin?

Victor: Tonight — we pledge ourselves to evil.

…

(Heh, our target for tonight is loaded.)

Amongst the townhouses that lined the streets, it seemed like our target lived in an especially luxurious mansion.

(Even when you have that much money, it’s so easy for your life to come to an end.)

For caution’s sake, my partner Harry and I were to trespass into the mansion 5 minutes later than the others.

(4 more minutes.)

However, it was a bad habit of mine to be unable to keep quiet during times like this—

Liam: … By the way, how did you join Crown, Harry?

Harrison: Of all times, you’re asking me that now?

Liam: I’m kind of bored, so…

Harrison: Weren’t you there when I first joined Crown?

Liam: “I’m not interested in the prosperity of England and other people's freedom. But—”

Liam: “I’m interested in what you guys are doing, therefore you should let me become one of your members.” … Right?

Harrison: Since you remember, then don't ask. That’s all I said to join Crown.

(You still don’t talk a lot.)

I deliberately shrugged my shoulders in an exaggerated manner to show that I wasn't satisfied with his answer.

My partner was the kind of person to give bothersome answers in times like this.

Harrison: I get to use my curse to earn money. Moreover, I have Her Majesty the Queen backing me.

Harrison: It’s a wise choice for people born with curses to join Crown for survival.

Liam: …

Liam: … Even if you have to kill?

Harrison: Everyone has the right to different opinions on whether it’s a wise choice.

(I take it as he doesn't want me to probe any further.)

Everyone had their own reasons for joining Crown.

But I know one thing for sure, and it's that I wouldn't be in Crown if it wasn't for “something”.

Harrison: Hey, Liam. Why did you join Crown?

Liam: I…

(The reason why I joined Crown…)

…

I was once admitted into a mental hospital for a certain reason.

White, empty walls. Uncomfortable examination clothes. Painful treatments that had no effect.

— There was no knowing when I would be released from that place.

I didn't know whether I even wanted to leave.

One day, I leaned out of the hospital’s window feeling absentminded and lethargic.

Suddenly, someone grabbed me from behind.

Victor: With your hands stretched out like that, you look like a bird. Unfortunately, humans don’t have wings.

Victor: So if you fall… yeah.

Victor: Since you’re feeling lost, I have a suggestion for you. What do you think about using your life to serve Her Majesty?

Liam: … Her Majesty?

Victor: I’m currently on the search for members to join an organisation that carries out missions under secret orders from Her Majesty.

Victor: The organisation is a group of people who “fight evil with evil”.

Victor: So I’m here to ask if you're interested in joining. I guess you could say that I’m some sort of scout.

Liam: … Why me?

Victor: The first reason is because you have a curse. And the second reason is— I want you to release the dark side of you.

Victor: Then you will be free to fly around in the pitch black darkness.

Victor: I’m just kidding. Hey, hey, didn't I look cool saying that? Ahaha, this is fun!

There was something off about the words and actions of the man with beautiful eyes and long hair.

But I wasn't any more normal than him either.

There was only one reason why I decided to join Crown.

And it was that someone reached their hand out to me.

Victor: Now — pledge your allegiance to evil. Nice to meet you, Liam Evans.

…

(But I can't possibly tell others that my reason for joining Crown is that small.)

My reason felt too insignificant.

Liam: Hmm… I forgot!

Harrison: Oh well, it's not like I was interested in finding out. Anyway, 5 minutes is up. Let’s go.

Liam: Ah, wait! Maybe it was just because I liked you.

My partner’s special ability enables him to know when someone’s lying. He definitely saw through my lie.

But I was grateful that he didn't expose me for lying.

Liam: Ah, I’ll make myself disappear just in case.

Harrison: No one will be able to recognise you this way. How very convenient.

Liam: I know right?

I used my abilities to disappear and followed after Harry.

My reason for joining Crown was unclear.

The fact that I was a stage actor wasn't worth praising either.

As long as I’m useful, they won't get rid of me.

(There’s one thing I can never tell anyone.)

And it was my special ability to disappear.

…

I wanted to erase myself from existence.

But the words of “that person” who died saving me from that fire were the only thing keeping me alive.

I was confined to this world.

…

By the time we entered the mansion, the interrogation process had already ended.

After scanning my surroundings, I made myself reappear.

Liam: By any chance, is it our turn yet?

Will’s fingers danced across the piano in the mansion.

(I wonder what song this is? I’ll ask Will about it later.)

Will narrowed his blood red eyes sharply.

(Ah, he’s going to use his special ability.)

He used his ability to “make others obey his every command” and sang along with the tune playing on the piano.

An anguished look appeared on the target’s face as he held a knife to his own neck—

Kate: Um… excuse m—

Kate: — mmph!?

A girl stood next to the man who died because he was controlled by Will's special ability.

(This girl…)

The blood that spurted out soaked her pretty face.

(Is she involved in tonight's mission? This wasn't written in the protocol, though.)

Alfons: My, my… I wasn’t expecting an audience tonight.

William: Now look who we have here, aren't you the little robin I met earlier today?

Kate: Um…uh… eeh…?

(Huh?)

Liam: She’s acquaintances with Will? Does she know about us?

If she was an acquaintance of Will’s and meant to be there, then —

I thought to myself, “she’s safe”.

Because if anyone were to find out about Crown’s secret, they would be silenced.

William: We merely exchanged a few words on the streets, Liam. She doesn't know about ‘Crown’.

(Does that mean that they don't actually know each other, and she’s here by pure coincidence?)

(Wow, she’s one very unlucky girl.)

I suddenly made eye contact with her.

Her eyes were filled with fear and anxiety, it made me feel sorry for her.

Liam: Then we’re in trouble. What should we do…?

I stared into her eyes and a thought surfaced in a corner of my mind.

I was always looking for an excuse to disappear.

So I needed a reason to remain in this world.

Therefore, while playing my role as a stage actor, I condemned evil as a member of Crown.

(Does this girl want anything from me…?)

(Does she need me?)

If there’s anything you want from me,

(I’ll stay alive for you.)

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil main story #liam main story

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changbunnies · 9 months

Text

White Lines and Red Lights (18+)

♡ Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!reader

♡ Genre: college au, idiots in love (they are so oblivious), best friends to lovers, mutual pining, basically pure fluff, a smidge of angst? (it's barely there, mostly due to perceived one-sided pining that is in reality not at all one-sided lmao)

♡ Word Count: 13.4k (i may have gotten carried away)

♡ Summary: The spring semester is over, and summer break is sure to be full of fun and good memories for Y/N and her best friend, Jisung. The only problem being, they are both hopelessly in love with each other, and completely oblivious to how the other one feels.

♡ Warnings: reader's major isn't specified but is implied to be creative, jisung's major is also not specified but is in music, alcohol consumption, mentions of food and eating, many uses of the word "fuck" lol, lmk if i missed anything you think should be listed here !

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): slightly inexperienced sex (neither reader or jisung are virgins, but they don't have tons of experience either), lighthearted but also romantic sex?, petnames (baby), a lot of kissing. like so much kissing, nipple play, handjob, oral (m receiving), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected piv, creampie (reader is on birth control)

♡ Notes: this was written for the @skzwritingcafe prompt "summertime confessions" ! i hope you like it and as usual, if you’re interested you can check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

Hell is finally over! That’s what you’ve been happily telling yourself since 2:30 pm, when the last of your final exams were complete and all assignment deadlines were met. Did you reach the end of all your trials and tribulations with a passing grade? That you weren’t entirely sure of, but the instant relief when the clock met the fated hour expelled any worries instantly from your mind. It’s a problem for future you, your brain decided, because now there was room for one thing and one thing only: fun!

You were beyond ready to turn your brain off, to indulge in some much needed fun to clear the fog in your head, and to then settle into comfort and relaxation. You hadn’t had a moment of joy or peace in weeks, and you were most definitely due for it; the thin line that was your sanity could only handle so much more stress before it snapped.

And that’s what you’ve spent the last hour getting ready for- an end of semester celebration with friends, a small reward after the grueling study efforts intended to revitalize those that turned into zombies over the course of finals week. Parties aren’t typically your thing, being much too loud and chaotic for your tastes, but how could you say no when said party was being held by your best friend and his 2 roommates? And after the literal hell you endured during the last semester, and especially during this last week, you needed a night with your friends more than you needed oxygen.

“You’re here!” Chan greets you with a smile after he opens the door, happy to see you after weeks of being stuck in the confines of your bedroom, having turned into an effective study machine. “Hi Channie,” you return his smile as you step fully inside, giving him a quick hug after the door shuts behind you. “Where’s Jisung?” you waste no time in asking, eager to see the person you cared about most (no offense intended to your other friends.)

It felt awful not having time to see him the last few weeks; the only thing that gave you comfort during that time was knowing that he was equally as busy meeting assignment deadlines and studying for his finals as you were. You wished you could’ve studied together, like you did when you were kids, but different majors meant there wasn’t as much crossover in what you were learning as there once was. But still, you took solace in knowing you weren’t alone during the struggle; at least, metaphorically you weren’t.

Chan points you to the kitchen, and you thank him before you make the short walk there, a bounce in your step as happiness settles over you for the first time in what feels like ages. It doesn’t take you long to spot him, standing near the counter with his other roommate Changbin, as well as with a handful of other friends he’s made in his major.

“Sungie, I missed you!” you call as you jump him for a hug, which very nearly knocks him over. He yells out in surprise, just barely managing to keep his hand steady to save his drink as he shifts his weight to maintain his balance, stabilizing himself on his heel. “Y/N!” Jisung yelps when your arms squeeze him tightly, and he lets Changbin take his drink from his hand to safely secure it elsewhere.

He returns your hug as soon as he’s able, and you close your eyes before you smile at him, already feeling your drained battery recharging. “Jeez, I know you missed me, but warn me next time! You almost gave me a heart attack,” Jisung mumbles his complaint in your ear, but you can tell by the smile he has on his face and squeeze in his arms that he’s missed you just as much, this hug being as healing for him as it is for you.

However, he meant it when he said you almost gave him a heart attack, though it’s not for the reasons you might think. First: it’s true he was totally unprepared for you to launch at him with the intent to squeeze him into a hug, but that wasn’t the problem. The real problem was that you looked so pretty, and after weeks without seeing your face, his heart was left with no defense against your charms.

He’d been reset to zero, it seemed- his built up resistance and tolerance reduced to nothing. And that went hand in hand with the second problem: his heart was beating out of control! You’re holding him so tightly, smiling at him so brightly, eyes sparkling under the fluorescence of the mundane kitchen light. He didn’t understand how something as small and trivial as the lighting in the room seemed to add to your appeal, but it did.

Jisung steals a glance at his roommates, who are looking with a knowing smile that makes him want to sink into himself and hide. Why is this so embarrassing? You however seem as oblivious to how he feels about you as ever, much to his relief. His impossibly large crush on you will assuredly be getting the way tonight, but he can definitely play this off the rest of the evening, right? …right?

Jisung ended up not drinking for the rest of the night, much too afraid of how flippant his mouth would become if he had too much alcohol in his system- the last thing he needed was to do something as cliche and embarrassing as drunkenly confessing all his feelings to his best friend. Though, even without the drink in his system, this night was killing him.

Why did you have to smile at him so prettily while pulling him to dance with you? Why did you have to giggle at him so sweetly when he made a joke? And why did you have to lean so close every time you spoke to him? He cursed his past self for deciding to play the music so loudly, because the close proximity and feeling your breath against his ear every time you wanted to tell him something was making his heart feel like it was going to explode.

You were wearing the perfume that he once accidentally let slip was his favorite of yours- he couldn’t remember the exact name of it, but the sweet, citrusy smell filled his nostrils and reminded him of all the times in the past he was close enough to you to inhale it. Tight hugs, cuddling on his sofa on the weekends, laying in your bed watching anime until it was time for him to go home- all memories he cherished, because they were spent with you.

And the moment he unintentionally admitted how much he loved the smell of your perfume, it seemed like you were always wearing it, and it drove him crazy. It lingered on everything- or maybe he just found it easy to recognize given how attuned to you he was; and now with the distance you’d had, and how much he’d missed you the last few weeks, it was like your perfume was taking over his senses.

Jisung almost couldn’t think straight- it was like he was drunk, but on something entirely different from everyone else inside his apartment. To calm himself down, and reset his senses, he stepped out on the balcony for some time, willing his heart to calm by using the fresh air as a conduit.

By the time Jisung enters the apartment again following his latest balcony outing, most of his friends have gone home with their respective designated drivers, with Chan offering to call the stragglers an uber or a spot to crash somewhere in the apartment. Chan was always like that during parties- the self appointed dad of sorts, always making sure everyone was well taken care of.

He looks past his friends to see you alone on the sofa, chugging a water bottle that he assumes Chan gave to you. “Trying to sober up?” Jisung asks as he takes a seat next to you, and you nod, making an affirming noise as you continue to take large sips from the bottle. “Gotta stay hydrated too if I don’t want to feel all this tomorrow,” you finally respond when you’ve swallowed down the last of the water, though you're sure you didn’t drink enough alcohol to get a hangover; your legs will likely be killing you more than anything, given all the dancing and jumping around you did.

“Right, wouldn’t want you to end up like Changbin,” Jisung replies and you laugh as you recall the memory of a very intoxicated Changbin, who had way too much to drink in a short span of time but insisted he wasn't drunk. He was incredibly affectionate, coming up to everyone to squeeze them into hugs and tell them he loves them, and dancing to girl group songs with so much passion that you’d think he was in some sort of idol audition.

Changbin passed out first, to no one's surprise, and he had to be carried to his bed by an exasperated Chan while you and Jisung giggled to yourselves at the display, deciding you would both definitely be teasing him about it tomorrow. “I’ve never seen him like that- he was still himself but like. Times a million,” you laugh, thinking about when a newjeans song came on and it made him effectively lose his mind.

“Oh it’s late,” you say absentmindedly after some time spent talking passes, checking your phone for the first time all night. Jisung peeks over, eyes widening when he sees the “02:37” displayed brightly on your screen. It was the latest he’d (voluntarily) stayed up in months; where did the time even go? “Guess we should sleep, huh? I can give you my bed, I’ll sleep here so-”

“No way, we’ve talked about this before! I don’t wanna kick you out of your own room- just share your bed with me,” you said, almost sternly. It was true- you both had countless sleepovers over the course of your friendship, both planned and accidental, and every time he offered to sleep on the sofa, you vehemently refused. However, those times you weren’t inebriated, and this time you definitely were (even if it was only mildly.) And besides that, with how weak he’s been over you all night, he’s not sure if his heart will even let him fall asleep if you’re next to him.

“I-I mean- are you sure? You’ve been drinking so.. I dunno, I just like- didn't want it to be weird.. I guess?” Jisung stumbles over his words way more than he wishes, and the way you giggle at him makes him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Way to play it cool, Jisung! If you weren’t being obvious about your feelings before, you definitely are now, idiot!

“C’mon Ji, you know I trust you with like, my entire life. It won’t be weird,” you answer with a smile meant to assure him, but all it does is make his heart pound even harder. It’s unfair how effortlessly flustered you make him. “As long as you’re sure then- yeah, let’s go to bed,” he says as he helps you to your feet, and while you definitely didn’t drink enough for your legs to be unstable, you appreciate the sweet gesture.

The minute you’re in his room, you flop right in the middle of his bed, a large sigh leaving you- you didn’t realize how actually exhausted you are until now. “Don’t fall asleep like that please, I don’t wanna sleep on the couch now that you’ve promised I can have my bed,” Jisung says as he walks over to his dresser, and you laugh in response. “I won’t, promise!” You sit up quickly, wrapping yourself up in his comforter as you do- you won’t fall asleep, but you can at least still be cozy.

“You really should’ve brought a change of clothes if you were going to crash here,” Jisung jokingly complains you as he scrounges through his drawers for something that will fit you comfortably (and that he won’t mind parting with, because he knows he won’t be getting back whatever he gives you; which would be fine if it didn’t fill his head with thoughts about you being his girlfriend.)

“Not my fault! It’s yours for creating the atmosphere,” you argue, arms folding over your chest in a rather mild display of opposition. “What atmosphere?” he laughs as he finally settles on one of his oversized shirts and tosses it over to you. Comfortable. Secure. Safe. Happy. Loved. Cared for. You could only let loose so much because you were with him, could only have such a good time because he was there doing it with you.

“..Fun,” you finally answer, clutching the shirt he gave you in your hands, deciding not to say anything further than that. Better to avoid that line of thought while you’re recovering from being tipsy, you think- it’d be bad if you suddenly made an admission you weren’t ready to. An accidental confession at this point would risk ruining an otherwise perfect night with your friends.

It doesn’t take long for Jisung to find what he wants to wear to bed, and he leaves the room to allow the two of you to change separately. You put your prior outfit on top of his dresser before returning to his bed, settling underneath the blankets as you wait for him to come back. You’re lying there for only a few minutes when he returns, turning off the light and carefully crawling in next to you, and finally settling in with his back pressed against yours. You both whisper quiet “good nights” to each other, willing your equally fast hearts to calm enough to sleep.

This isn’t the first time you’ve shared a bed with Jisung, and during the early years of your childhood friendship it never made your heart race the way it does now. You’d usually say something along the lines of “what’s wrong with best friends sharing a bed?”, the act always completely innocent. You needed to sleep, and you didn’t want Jisung to sacrifice his bed when you could easily share it- it was always as simple as that.

But in recent months, you’ve noticed that it stopped being simple; with your back pressed to his, the sound of his gentle breathing behind you, you realized it had started to make your heart race unbelievably fast. You had begun to notice that same sensation in other moments too- like when he smiled at you after you helped him decide on a concept for one of his assignments, or when he’d call you after a hard day just to hear your voice, with his reason being that “talking to you makes me feel better!”

It was the same for you, of course. Talking to him always made you feel better, a single smile enough to lift the heavy weight off your heart. He always listened, he always cared, and he was always there for you. That’s another reason these last few weeks were so hard for you; you didn’t have Jisung’s support, and not because of any fault of either of you, but because adult life and responsibilities got in the way.

You wanted to make time for him, and you knew he wanted to as well; you still texted each other often, facetimed during the moments you allowed yourselves to rest, and it helped immensely, but also resolidified something you’d thought once before; that without Jisung, your life is impossibly dark. And that without his support, you weren’t sure how you’d get through the difficulty that life brings you.

You sigh and roll over, looking straight at Jisung’s back. You came today to escape grim thoughts, stress, and self doubt, hoping that fun with your friends would shove them all away, but it seems they’ve found their way back to you regardless. It was bound to happen, you suppose, but you hoped they wouldn’t be back for a while at least. But, if there’s any solace to be had, you have Jisung next to you, and he always comforts you even with just his presence alone.

You roll over a lot in your sleep, so when you first do it, Jisung doesn’t react. He figures you’ve just fallen asleep quickly after all the drinking and dancing, and now he can finally truly relax and begin to fall asleep himself. He’s always tense at first, the close proximity making him nervous and unable to sleep, even if you aren’t face to face- because even though you’re his best friend, it’s an undeniable fact that you’re also a girl. A pretty girl at that, one that he’s silently been crushing on for years.

So when he hears your voice call to him, it’s unexpected, and it makes his heart pick back up in speed as his body tenses once again. “Ji, can you turn around?” you ask, and he freezes a moment, wondering if the remnants of alcohol in your system is what is causing you to ask something so bold.

But no, you’re nowhere near drunk, and he’s probably the only one on earth who thinks the prospect of turning around to face his best friend during a sleepover is “bold.” This is an ordinary request, and it’s not your fault that he finds the action so nerve wracking. He really needs to get over it so he can go back to being normal around you. “S-Sure,” you hear him stutter quietly, carefully turning to face you.

Even in the relative darkness, he can see your features clearly enough to make his breath uneven. Your pretty eyes, your cute nose, your lips that look so soft and kissable and- “Fuck, stop thinking about it. Get it together, Han Jisung,” he internally scolds himself. He hopes that you can’t hear the sound of his heart beating, or see the blush forming on his cheeks as he stares at you.

“Can I ask you something?” your voice is quiet, almost a whisper. He can tell you’re serious, and he has no idea what you intend to ask, but the possibilities are sending him reeling. Did he stare at you too much today? Did you notice the way his face reddened every time you smiled at him? You were just so pretty that he couldn’t help it and-

Were you going to ask him if he had feelings for you? Were you? Should he be honest if you do? Admit that he’s thought you were pretty for the longest time, has wanted you to look at him romantically for years, had wondered what your lips would feel like on his? God, he really needs his heart and mind to calm down, or he’ll never survive the rest of the night.

“Do you ever wonder.. If you’re doing the right thing?” your question finally breaks him from his whirring thoughts, your voice still quiet and with an unsure hesitance to it. Jisung’s expression immediately changes to one of care and concern, a bit taken aback by your question but entirely ready to listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind now that he can think clearly. “What do you mean?”

“Like.. with college, I guess. Do you ever think maybe you should be doing something different?” You look him directly in the eyes as you ask, clearly searching for some sort of comfort, an answer that will help you come to terms with whatever complicated emotion you’re dealing with.

“Yeah, sometimes. I mean, I love music, but I’m not guaranteed to go far with it even if I’m good at it. I know that sometimes passion and talent aren’t enough. The people who succeed are usually lucky,” he answers honestly; he’s not sure if that’s what you want to hear, but he knows you value his insight and opinions, even when they differ from yours.

“What makes you keep going then?” You had such a hard time this last semester, and there were more than a few times where you reached a low point and wanted to quit. You were lonely, exhausted, broke, creativity entirely spent.. You questioned whether all that hardship was worth it, and if you’d be better off pursuing something more practical and mundane.

“Well.. It makes me happy. And I know that even if things don’t turn out how I wished, I think it would be more regrettable if I didn’t try, you know? Even when it’s really hard it’s also rewarding, and every day I learn so many things I would’ve never learned alone in my room, or at least, it would’ve taken me forever to get there by myself. I made a lot of new friends too, I have you and other good people to support me, and-”

You nod along to his words, taking them in and humming every once in a while to let him know you're still listening. He’s talking a lot, but you don’t mind that- you’re happy to know what he thinks and feels, his voice is soothing, and you feel less alone knowing he understands you to at least some degree, and is willing to help you through your hardships. That’s all you really needed; for Jisung to hear you, and reply in the thoughtful way he always does.

“And you know I’ll always be there for you, right? If you ever feel like this again, just tell me. I’ll be right there, the minute you call I’ll-” Oh, wait. Your eyes are closed, breath slow and gentle, now completely unresponsive to his words. You fell asleep while he was talking? How long was he going before he even realized you were no longer listening? His other friends are right- he really does talk way too much sometimes.

He observes you quietly for a moment, giggling to himself when he hears the soft snores leaving you as he takes in your serene expression. He also realizes that the sky has gotten brighter, the sound of birds chirping becoming more prominent with each passing moment. How had the night come and gone so quickly?

That’s what always happens when he’s with you, though- time seems to accelerate, while at the same time feeling like it’s at a stand still. The happy moments pass in the blink of an eye, but simultaneously seems to freeze whenever he stares at you. When you smile and laugh with him, it makes his heart burst, your shining eyes always taking his breath away.

Reaching his hand up carefully, he tucks the hair that has fallen over your face behind your ear, smiling to himself when you unconsciously lean into his light touch. It’s so cute, how even in your sleep you seem to recognize it’s him, indulging in the comfort he offers you. At least, that’s what you’ve told him once before- that one of the reasons you like having sleepovers with him is because his presence makes you feel safe and relaxed.

He's not sure if you even remember saying it, but he was so happy when you told him, and even now it’s something on his mind every time you two share a bed. He just wishes he wasn’t always so tense and nervous whenever you laid next to him, and he wishes he had more courage to always lay face to face and talk like you did tonight. Maybe one day he can hold you closer, wrap his arms around you and let his head rest atop yours.

Maybe he’ll kiss you, too- your lips, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, anywhere you’ll let him. He can picture the way you’ll giggle at him, how you’ll playfully push him away while complaining that it tickles, and how he’ll wrap his arms around you tighter to keep you trapped in his affection. And when it’s all over he’ll tell you he loves you and-

Wait.

He loves you?

Well, of course he does. You’re his best friend, so of course he loves you! Totally platonically, of course. The fact that he’s had a major crush on you for the past few years doesn’t matter. Nope. Not at all. Surely he’s not literally in love with you, right? Because you’re his best friend and falling in love with your best friend is not only the most cliche thing ever, but definitely a recipe for heartbreak.

So he’s not in love with you- he can’t be. It’s just a simple crush! It doesn’t matter that he constantly thinks about kissing you, or holding your hand while walking together, or how it’d feel for you to lay your head against him while he holds you during movie night. It doesn’t matter that he envisions what going on dates with you would be like, or what life would be like if you moved in together, or what your body would look like bare underneath his, or-

Fuck, he’s so in denial. He’s definitely in love with you, hopelessly so. His cute, endearing best friend, who he can’t seem to ever get out of his head. Do you ever think about him the way he thinks about you? Are you always on his mind, lingering in every thought the way you are for him? He desperately wants to know, but there’s a part of him that is afraid to find out, because what will he do if you don’t feel the same way?

He forces himself to roll back over and close his eyes, because if he doesn’t stop looking at you, he’s never going to be able to stop thinking about it long enough to get some sleep. But even with his back now turned to you, hearing your soft breathing and feeling the dip in his bed from your presence is enough to plague his thoughts and keep the sleep he desperately needs out of reach for what little remains of the night.

It’s been a few weeks since the night that Jisung finally admitted to himself that he’s in love with you, and whoever said being honest with yourself makes things better has definitely never been in love with their best friend, because actually what the fuck. This is the closest to hell he’s ever been, he thinks. Because he can’t seem to go a single moment without thinking about wanting to be romantic with you, and it’s driving him crazy.

Holding your hand and cuddling during movie night, staying up all night on the phone talking about anything and everything, giving you sweet kisses after he tells you how much he loves you- he’s begging his brain to let him think about literally anything else, but it simply refuses. And now, sitting in his car together at a red light, is another such time where wanting to kiss you encompasses all his thoughts.

You had spent time together almost every day since the night of the party now that your schedules were free, but all those times included the additions of your roommates or his. It’s only now, after a day spent at the beach, that the two of you are alone together again (thanks to the combined, scheming efforts of your mutual friends.)

Chan loves the beach, and he goes whenever he can, but today he didn’t want to hangout there alone. He invited you, as well as his roomies and other friends, to come meet him there. And of course, you said yes, and of course, you had the most breathtaking swimsuit on underneath your clothes. It was almost embarrassing, the way it stole Jisung’s breath away and made his cheeks burn red. He prayed he could blame it on the harsh sun, but there’d be no fooling Changbin, who was snickering behind him.

“When are you going to finally confess?” Changbin asked when you were out of ear shot, and Jisung pouted, both because he was being called out about his feelings, and because he had no fucking idea when, if ever, he’d tell you how he feels. “I.. don’t know,” he ended up answering honestly, continuing to look in your direction even as he spoke. You were splashing in the water with your mutual friends, your laugh ringing loud in his ears even with the distance between you.

“C’mon, Ji. Summer breaks are practically built for romance. You gotta make a move,” he’d said, and Jisung once again pouted. “Easier said than done,” he mumbled in response, something akin to dread settling in him whenever he thought about the possibility of you rejecting him. “Jisung,” Changbin started, all sense of joking or teasing having left him, “I’ve been watching you pine over her since the day I met the two of you. You need to tell her, because I don’t know how much more of those looks of yours I can handle.”

“What look?” Jisung asks with a frown, turning his gaze away from where you are. “Like a lost puppy begging for attention,” Changbin answers nonchalantly, and the appalled reaction he gets from Jisung makes him laugh. “But seriously. I’ll ride home with Chan, so why don’t you take her home later? Get some alone time before you drop her off or something?”

“But she came with her roommates. Why wouldn’t she leave with them?” Jisung asked, and Changbin laughed as he shook his head. “You’re so clueless, dude.” It’s common knowledge to everyone who came today that the two of you are so hopelessly in love with each other, but seemingly too oblivious to notice how the other one feels. And if Jisung asked you to spend some alone time with him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Maybe what the two of you needed was a little push- a reason to be alone together, a romantic setting to set the tone and finally get the two of you to move beyond the bounds of friendship. And if Jisung won’t act on his own, Changbin will take it into his own hands; mission “get these two pining idiots together” starts today.

Changbin told Chan, who then told one of your roommates, who then told another. By the time the sun is setting, everyone knows the plan. You would be left alone with Jisung, by any excuse necessary. Thankfully, Chan came in his own car due to his tendency to hit the beach before anyone else, so he and Changbin wouldn’t be leaving Jisung stranded by leaving early.

The two of them left first, with the excuse that they’d be ending their day by hitting the gym- they’d actually just be relaxing on the sofa the rest of the day, but you and Jisung didn’t need to know that. Your roommates took that as their cue to prepare to leave as well, and the group of you helped one another towel dry enough to throw your clothes back on over your swimsuits.

Jisung approached you as soon as he was done himself, waiting for you to finish packing your things in your tote bag before saying anything. “Hey, d-do you want to go get some ice cream?” he asked, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. Since when did asking your best friend if they want to get ice cream become so nerve wracking?

“Of course!” you smiled, turning to your roommates next to see if they wanted to join. They all said no, of course, citing being tired or wanting to shower asap as their reasons, but urged you to enjoy your time with Jisung. You don’t find it weird at all, much too excited about eating ice cream to even begin to realize this was a planned set up.

The sun was just beginning to sink when you arrived at your favorite parlor, excitedly bouncing up to the counter as Jisung trailed behind you with a smile. You decided to be adventurous, picking out a new flavor suited for the summer, while Jisung went with a classic choice of cookie dough.

“Can I have a bite of yours?” it didn’t take long for you to inevitably ask him, and Jisung gave you an overdramatic sigh as he passed it over to you. Trading bites somehow always ended with you eating more of Jisung’s ice cream than he did, but that was okay with him. He always ordered your favorite flavor, knowing that you can’t resist the temptation of trying the new one, but would end up wanting cookie dough more than whatever new flavor initially enticed you.

It’s a bit of a ritual for him at this point; ordering your favorite while pretending it’s his favorite as well, acting like he's annoyed when you beg him for a bite and eventually end up taking half the bowl while offering him whatever flavor you ordered instead as compensation for his loss. Do you notice the way he smiles after you take his ice cream from him? The adoration that lingers in his eyes as he watches you happily devour the sweet treat?

You skipped to the car when you were finished, evidently very pleased with your ice cream endeavors and not at all apologetic for stealing all of the cookie dough for yourself, once again oblivious to the way he does it all for you. That would probably never change, and for the first time, Jisung wondered if that was okay. Did he want it to change? Did he want you to notice? He wasn’t sure what was best anymore.

And now here you both were, sitting at a red light while the sun sinks ever lower in the horizon, blue beginning to spread over the sky and little specks of stars finally becoming visible. Instead of looking at the street as he waits for the light to turn, he looks at you. You just looked so pretty, and all he could think of once again was how badly he wanted to kiss you.

Jisung wished he had words to put what he thought of you other than a simple “pretty” but that’s all that ever came to mind. So, so pretty, impossibly so. Pretty in a way that sunsets and oceans couldn’t ever compare, at least not in his mind- he would always find you better, no comparison ever being good enough to describe what he thought of you.

You’re in your own little world, humming along to the song playing through the speakers and tapping your fingers to the beat. However, it doesn’t take long for you to feel his eyes on you, your body alerting you to his lingering gaze and instructing you to look back at him. The sight you're met with when you turn your head makes your face immediately burn; Jisung isn’t simply glancing over at you, or trying to check in with you after a tiring day out. He’s blatantly staring at you.

“..Ji..?” his name barely leaves you, an unspoken question lingering in the air between you. Why is he looking at you like that? What was going through his head right now? Your face heats up exponentially, watching as his eyes travel over your features, seeming to take them in deeply. You instinctively hold in a breath when his eyes reach your lips, staring at them with an overt yearning.

Your surroundings fade, music no longer audible, the light of the sinking sun illuminating him beautifully and drawing you even further into his gaze. All there was in this moment was Jisung; he was all you could see, all you could focus on, and it was the same for him with you. You were always his first thought, always there at the forefront of his mind, but he always tried to push the deeper feelings away, because you’re his best friend and he shouldn’t think of you as anything more than that.

But right now, he can’t help it. His urge to kiss you is so strong, and he knows he can’t resist it the way he usually can. Your eyes that hold the entire world- no, the entire galaxy, his galaxy, in them makes his self control shatter. Maybe Changbin had a point when he said that summer was perfect for romance. Because the way you look at him, with eyes shining under the twinkling lights that blink on one by one with the fading sun- he loves you, he wants to be with you, and that desire is consuming him.

Your heart races as he leans closer to you, inch by inch. You lose all concept of time passing, a moment that in reality lasts mere seconds instead feeling like an eternity. You close your eyes, waiting; waiting for the moment you’ve craved for ages, for his lips to touch yours for the first time. How long had you pined for him?

It’s hard to say exactly; In high school, when he got his first love confession and accepted it, it broke your heart. But at the time, you thought it was just because it meant he would have less time for you, and with time you moved on, deciding it was important to be happy for your best friend even if it crushed you for reasons you didn’t entirely understand. And eventually you entered your first relationship as well, and for a time you could forget about how lonely you felt from not having Jisung always near you.

Neither of your respective first relationships lasted all that long; high school romances tend to dwindle as college draws near, after all. Life has a tendency to take people to different places, and some realize their ambitions faster than others. It saddened you at the time, but you weren’t going to alter your life for someone else and you didn’t expect anyone to do that for you either. After all, 20 is awfully early to decide not to follow your dreams for the sake of someone else.

But you and Jisung were still on the same path, and that had to mean something, right? It was like the days where you were distant never even occurred, the both of you picking up where you left off like no time had ever passed. You were as close as you’d ever been, still seeing each other at every opportunity, even when you were drowning in assignment deadlines and exhaustive study efforts. He made time for you, and you made time for him, even when it was hard. Didn’t that mean something?

Yes, it meant everything- at least it did to you. And so did he; Jisung meant everything to you. He always had, and you think he always will. You can feel his breath on you now, the warmth tickling your skin and your heart feeling like it’s going to burst from out of your chest as the gap between you closes. He’s so close to you, the closest he’s ever been. His lips drawn to yours, closer, closer, and then-

The shrill honk of a car from behind snaps you both from the moment. Jisung opens his eyes quickly, blinking for just a moment as reality settles back over him and he processes what was just about to happen. You do the same, turning your attention back towards the front and seeing that the traffic light had turned green while the two of you were lost in the moment you were sharing.

He swallows, mentally offering an apology to the cars behind him as he continues to drive you home. Fuck, he really got carried away. Was he really about to risk everything you had together by kissing you? What would happen to your friendship? He’s not supposed to like you, and you definitely don’t like him- at least, not romantically. He’s at least 60% sure of that; maybe even 70%. Get it through your head Jisung- you're just friends. Just. Friends.

You meanwhile are stuck in thought as well, though not in the same way. You feel light, almost? Buzzing with what could only be described as pure excitement, unfiltered joy seeping out of every pore. He was going to kiss you!! He was really going to! That meant he liked you, didn’t it? Or maybe he even loved you? Loved you in the same you loved him, wanted to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him?

You take a peek in his direction, noticing his stiff hold on the steering wheel and the rigid way his body sits. He keeps his gaze straight forward, not daring to look at you, afraid of what expression he’ll be met with. He’d never forgive himself if he looked over to see you were upset with him, forever feeling like an idiot if it was his fault your friendship came to an end.

Maybe he’s just nervous, you think. That would make sense! He gathered his courage for a moment, and now he needed time to gather it again- it's not easy to overcome hesitation and let someone know how you feel about them, but this minor setback won't be the end of it. He’d definitely kiss you before the night was over! You’re sure of it!

Okay, maybe you weren’t entirely sure of it. Because he’s still stiff and nervous when he drops you off at your apartment building, offering a strained goodbye and eyes not quite meeting yours. That’s still okay! Jisung is just shy- that has to be it! It won’t be long before he kisses you, you’re sure of it- for real this time! …right? right!

Maybe you should stop saying you’re sure of things, because you’re never right. It’s been a week since Jisung almost kissed you, and he’s been avoiding you the entire time! You didn’t understand- surely he was over his shyness by now, right? How much longer was he going to make you wait? It was agony.

“Ji. Movie night at my place tonight. And I swear if you cancel again I’ll never forgive you !!!” you texted him dramatically, spamming various angry emojis for added effect. To your relief, Jisung agrees to come over and bring snacks as an apology for being busy. You don’t believe he was actually busy of course, but you’ll let him off the hook on that for now.

It's mid afternoon when he finally arrives, multiple bags full of snacks and sweet treats in hand. You smile and hug him tightly, noting that he’s still stiff but deciding not to dwell on that just yet- he’s finally here, after all! And if this plethora of snacks told you anything, it was that he genuinely was sorry for avoiding you.

He tosses the bags on the coffee table, and you throw on a random movie you’ve already seen before, because the movie ultimately doesn’t matter- it’s just an excuse to see Jisung again. Unlike his usual self, he sits on the complete opposite end of the sofa from you, putting an invisible wall between you. Well, that’s fine! You’ll just move closer!

You hear his breath hitch when you sit right next to him, glancing over just long enough to see you smiling at him. He’s so fucked- his feelings definitely aren’t under control enough for this; you're positively torturing him. How is he supposed to get over his feelings for you if you’re looking at him like that while sitting so close to him?

You purposely leave your hand close to his, waiting to see if he’ll hold it, but he doesn’t. He keeps his eyes straight ahead at the tv, evidently still scared to meet your gaze or be too close to you. Why? Why does he keep avoiding your eyes when you look at him? Why won’t he bring himself closer to you? Is he trying to forget it happened?

Does he not realize how badly you wanted him to kiss you? Maybe.. Maybe he’s scared to bring it up. Maybe he’s afraid of rejection, or of your friendship deteriorating from his outward admission. Maybe he’d rather bottle it back up, pretend he was never on the brink of kissing you, because losing you would be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

Is he scared that you don’t have feelings for him? Is that why even now, when his feelings have all but been laid out, he’s avoiding the confrontation? But he doesn’t have to be afraid of that- you love him. If he’s unsure, then you need him to know, and you’ll tell him yourself.

"Jisung, look at me," you suddenly call to him, tone so serious that he can’t possibly ignore it. He swallows, forcing himself to finally meet your gaze head on, palms sweating as he anticipates what he’s most afraid of. "The other day, in your car… were you going to kiss me?" Fuck. He knew you were going to ask.

You watch his expression change as his face heats up, a not at all subtle red encroaching over his features. "O-Oh, I-" he starts to speak, but immediately stops, words dying in his throat. Fuck. God Dammit. Even though he knew this would happen, none of the scenarios he crafted in his head seemed to be of any assistance.

The excuses he conjured, the apologies that he knew he should utter, the words he thought he should say that were practiced over and over again.. All of that preparation failed him now, a sort of panic settling over him as his body tensed and hands clammed up further.

Honestly, watching him flounder for an excuse or explanation that would allow him to pretend he doesn’t have feelings for you is kind of funny, (and oddly cute), but now really isn’t the time to let it continue. Now, after years and years of secret pining, it’s time for both of you to lay out your feelings clearly, verbally.

"It would've been fine.. I wanted you to do it," you say with complete honesty, pushing away your own nerves and hesitation as far as you could. You couldn’t let your anxieties get the better of you now; you needed to say what you feel, and encourage Jisung to do the same, otherwise the two of you will always be stuck in the boundaries of friendship. You both need to swallow down the part of you that is scared and shy, or you’ll never move beyond what you are.

His eyes widened, mouth falling slightly agape in shock. What? Huh? You wanted him to kiss you? But that would mean even if you don’t love him like he loves you, you at the very least like him, and surely you didn’t. There is no way you like him like that, because that would mean his friends are right, and he’s a clueless idiot.

Fuck. Is he a clueless idiot?

"I'm in love with you, Ji," you finally admit for the first time aloud, and while it’s nerve wracking to say the least, it’s also a relief. Your feelings have been a secret for so long (at least to Jisung they were, cause lord knows you’re an open book otherwise), and it felt good to say it, to tell him right to his face that you love him. Even if you read into the situation completely wrong somehow, and he wasn’t trying to kiss you that day and didn’t like you, at least you no longer had to hide how you feel.

"Since.. since when?" he asks, still a bit stunned and entirely in disbelief. He can’t believe this is even happening, and there’s part of him that thinks this must be some elaborate dream; he must’ve fallen asleep during the movie, or maybe he never woke up this morning and this entire day has been part of a long dream. But no, he knows it isn’t a dream; because you are much too tangible, and no dream, no matter how vivid, compares to the reality of you.

"I-I don't know, since.. always?" you answer, a slight blush of your own crawling over your skin. You don’t remember the exact moment you realized you liked him as more than a friend anymore, as you were still just a kid then. But you know that by the time high school came, your seemingly small crush had developed into much more, and in recent months, you finally realized the true depth of that feeling.

Even when you were too young to understand what love is and what it felt like, even when you convinced yourself that everything you felt for him was purely platonic in nature, your feelings for Jisung were there. So.. since always. You’ve always wanted him close to you, always wanted your life to be spent with him by your side, always, always loved him above anyone else.

He groans loudly, throwing his arms up and covering his face in a display of anguish. "You're telling me you could've been my girlfriend this whole time?" You can’t help but giggle at his reaction, finding him impossibly cute and funny. “It’s not too late for me to be your girlfriend now,” you say, and he immediately peels his arms away from his face, looking at you as if you’ve said something that he only could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, hope palpable in his tone, eyes pleading for this to not be something you’re saying just to tease him. “Of course I mean that, silly,” you giggle a little, reaching out for his hands and squeezing them in yours, “I meant everything I said.”

“Oh my god, thank god- I mean, you’re really going to be my girlfriend? You’re not just saying it, right? I don’t have to like. Pretend I don’t have feelings for you anymore? Because it’s been driving me insane, and I don't think I can do it anymore, you're way too pretty and-” “Jisung-! Shut up and kiss me already,” you interrupt his rambling, and he blinks once, twice, obliging your request as soon as the reality of your words settles over him.

When your lips finally touch his, it feels so right- like everything you’ve ever felt or experienced in your entire life was all to lead to this very moment. It’s sweet, addictive, intoxicating- everything you have ever wanted, ever hoped for, and more. His hands are hesitant, unsure of where they should rest and if it’s okay to touch you, but when you reach out to him and pull yourself closer, it’s all the permission he needs to let his hands wander.

Years worth of suppressed emotions bubble to the surface all at once, both of you caught in the tidal wave of repressed feelings and urges. Soft, slow timid kisses eventually turn into full ones, deep and impassioned, with all the weight of your feelings pressed into them. Your hands rest on his chest while his move down your waist, fingers lingering on your hips for just a moment before bringing them back up.

His tongue licks against your lip, tentative and almost shy, a silent hope lingering, an unspoken beg for your permission. You open your mouth, granting him what he desires with no restraint, your own tongue meeting his eagerly, coming together in a salacious dance. One of his hands reaches for the nape of your neck to keep you close, and you can feel him smile against your lips when it causes a noise of approval to involuntarily escape from your throat.

Both of your lips become red and swollen from their constant use, any sense of rhythm having completely degraded now that your open mouth kisses have turned into sloppy messes of tongue. It’s embarrassing how worked up he’s getting just from kissing you, and he desperately hopes you haven’t noticed how hard he’s gotten from it. But of course, you have noticed, and you definitely intend on doing something about it.

“Ji.. do you want to touch me?” you pull away from him to ask, and the reaction you get from him is immediate. “God, yes, can I?” The eagerness in his voice makes you giggle as you nod. “Just, uhm.. Get comfortable?” you suggest, shifting your position so that you’re on your heels, hands just slightly in front of you, making your intent clear to him- you want to be in his lap, and obviously he’s going to let you.

Jisung leans back on the sofa, watching you crawl in his lap with bated breath before you pull your shirt up and over your head, tossing it to the floor beside you. You reach for one of his hands, guiding it to your chest, and he swallows thickly, the sight before him making him throb in his shorts. The fact that he gets to kiss you now, gets to touch you- it’s a dream come true. Though, the reality is much better than any of his many, many dreams of being with you.

He lifts his other hand to you as well, completely forgetting he's using it to support himself, making him fall completely back against the sofa, head thunking on the arm rest. You laugh as he lets out a small “ow!”, his clumsy nature always endearing to you, and especially so during this moment; it’s the sweet, goofy side of Jisung that made you fall in love with him, after all.

Jisung laughs with you once the sting fades, fully indulging in the sound of your laugh and the cute way your face scrunches, even if it is at his expense. You reach your hand to his head, rubbing it in soft, soothing gesture as you lean down, kissing him once more as he cups your breasts in his hands. The mewl you let out against his lips when he squeezes is enough to send him straight to heaven.

No, he already is in heaven, because nothing could be better than this; you on him, against him, kissing him, letting him touch and squeeze you to his heart's content. He lets out a hiss when you settle your full weight into his lap, his erection pressing directly against you. He gasps when you grind against him, and you use that as an opportunity to let your tongue back into his mouth.

You stay like that for some time, making out with each other while your fingers are tangled in his hair and his hands squeeze at your flesh, but you’re beginning to desire more, and you can tell Jisung is too, from the way his body reacts with every subtle move you make. You separate from him, sitting up and bringing your hands behind your back to unhook your bra and finally remove it.

“W-Wait, your roommates-” Jisung’s voice comes out urgently, abruptly propping himself up on his elbows as a realization hits him, “what if they come home? While you’re.. we’re..?” Oh. You were still in the living room, huh? That fact entirely left your mind, much too absorbed in the man underneath you to think about who could end up seeing the both of you like this.

Well, they knew you were inviting him over today, and knowing them, they’d likely stay out for a while to allow you to have alone time.. But still, it’d be better to not risk having them walk in on the sight of you half naked in your boyfriend’s lap. “My room, then?” you ask, carefully removing yourself from atop him, and Jisung nods eagerly, quickly rising to his feet the moment he is able.

You grab your shirt from the floor, ensuring you leave no evidence of your actions behind before leading Jisung to your room with quick, eager steps. He’s been in your room a million times, but it feels so different now, given the context of everything that happened moments before. You both stand there a moment, not hesitant, but rather shy, deciding how best you should proceed from here.

You eventually decide to sit on your bed first, shooting Jisung a soft smile afterwards that lets him know he’s welcome to come join you. So he does; he carefully sits next to you, the newfound shyness fully settling over the two of you. You were acting in the heat of the moment earlier, your bodies reacting before your minds could catch up, but now that you’ve both had a moment to process your actions, it fills you with butterflies.

There’s a moment where you stay like that, subtle blushes on your faces as you look at each other, before you speak up again, “Do you want to keep going..?” “Yes!” Jisung answers without even thinking, immediately clearing his throat after and trying to play off how eager he just sounded, “I mean, uhm- yes. Do you want to?”

The blush on his face flares when you giggle at him; he knows you aren’t laughing at him necessarily, but he can’t help the tinge of embarrassment that crawls up his spine. “Yes, I do,” you smile at him, and it’s so pretty and bright that he can’t even be flustered anymore; because more importantly than that, you want to keep going too- you want more, just like he does.

So he smiles too, reaching out to you and pulling you into a kiss, both of you giggling into it softly. The giggles fade out as the kiss becomes more heated, you gently pushing him back and crawling back on top of him when his head hits your pillows, returning to the position you were in previously.

Jisung’s hands are the ones that reach behind you this time, fumbling with the hooks of your bra while you kiss him with his face in your hands. Thankfully, he gets it undone on the third try, and you sit back up, letting it fall down your arms and subsequently tossing it aside. “..so beautiful,” he mumbles mostly to himself, but you still hear it, and it makes the blush on your face flare.

You grab at the hem of his shirt, wanting to see his body as well. He lifts himself off his back, helping you pull his shirt off, neither of you paying any mind to where it lands once it’s discarded. You trace your hands over him when he lays back again, from his broad chest to his slim waist, eyes drinking him in while your hands familiarize themselves with the feeling of his bare skin.

You’ve seen him shirtless countless times in recent years, so you’re no stranger to how attractive he is, but it’s different now; different because now you can openly admire him, and don't have to pretend to not notice that he’s built like a greek god. Even Adonis himself doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of Han Jisung.

“You’re so pretty, Ji,” you tell him sincerely. The compliment makes the blush on his face darken, but he returns your smile, reaching his hands back up to you. “I should be saying that to you,” he responds, one of his hands resting on your waist, “you’re the prettiest thing in the world.” He brings his other hand to the nape of your neck just as before, gently pulling you back to him before you can reply, his tongue grazing your lips when they touch again.

He brings your hands to breasts now, cupping them in his hands as he did before. He can feel your breath shudder when his thumbs brush over your nipples, a soft mewl pouring into his mouth when he rubs them between his fingers. The stimulation makes your entire body shiver, your hips grind down in search of some sort of relief, soft groans leaving Jisung every time you press your body down on his cock.

You separate from the kiss, one your hands reaching between your bodies, settling on the waistband of his shorts. “Is this okay?” you ask, watching him for any sign of hesitation or apprehension, but there’s none to be found. Instead, you’re met with eager, twinkling eyes, anticipation written all over him as he nods, a soft “yes, please,” leaving him in a quick breath.

You shove his waistband down just enough to free his cock from its confines, a hiss escaping him when your fingers begin to trace him up and down. Your fingers gather the pre-cum leaking from his tip, spreading it over his length easily, and turning him into a wet, sticky mess. He watches in breathless awe when your hand wraps around him, entranced by the visual before him.

You, so beautiful and lovely, with your pretty hands on and around him, watching him and the way his body reacts to you with sweet salacity. He lets out a breathy groan when you begin to pump him earnestly, his eyes closing despite how badly he wants to keep watching. Your hand just feels so much better than his, so much softer and perfectly warm.

You watch his face, committing to memory the way it contorts, the way his brows furrow and teeth sink into his bottom lip. You memorize the way his chest rises and falls with each quick breath, the way his thighs tremble, the way his stomach contracts as you drive him closer and closer to release.

“Sungie,” you call to him, slowing your pace down just enough for him to be able to easily open his eyes and look at you, “want you in my mouth- is that okay? Can I?” “Oh my god, yes, please, you don’t even have to ask,” he says between shallow breaths, far too excited to have your mouth on him to be embarrassed by the desperate display he’s putting on.

He props himself on his elbows, watching you scoot yourself down his legs and bringing your face right up to his cock. Your tongue comes out first, collecting the pre-cum with long, drawn out licks, and fuck, the sight alone is enough to have his eyes rolling back. You kiss the tip before you wrap your lips around him, his head falling back and curses leaving his lips as you sink your head down on him.

His hands grip at your sheets, desperately trying to hold himself back from bucking his hips up and choking you, because the last thing he wants is to accidentally hurt you. But fuck, your mouth feels so amazing, he almost can’t breathe. “God, fuck-” he gasps when his cock touches the back of your throat, your tongue rubbing the underside so perfectly.

He’s trying to hold it back, desperate to feel your tongue on him longer, to have your lips wrapped around him for just another moment, but he can’t. He releases with a strained cry, his cum filling your mouth in quick spurts. The unfamiliar feeling causes you to gag at first, but you recover quickly, swallowing all he has to give you happily.

You release him from your mouth when you feel him begin to soften, laying next to him with a soft, satisfied smile on your face. “Was it good?” you ask him and he lets out a breathless laugh before he answers. “So good, seriously, you’re amazing,” he says, turning his head to look at you with a small smile of his own to match yours, “but you already knew that, didn’t you? You just wanted me to say it.”

“Maybe,” you giggle, and Jisung does as well, shifting to his side and pulling your body closer to his. He kisses you once more, tasting himself on your lips, but not at all minding it- in fact, he finds that he actually really likes it. It’s fucking hot, if he’s being honest. But there’s one thing that would make it even hotter- if your taste was on his tongue too.

“I want to make you feel good too,” he says, fingers resting on your hips, just above your own waistband, “is that okay with you? Can I?” The question makes your stomach flip, thighs pressing together at the idea of Jisung between your legs- you really want it. “Yes, I- I want you to.”

With your affirmation, he lifts himself off the bed and lets you lay back, deciding to remove the last of his clothing before settling between your legs once you’re comfortable. His fingers hook in your waistband now, ready to take your shorts and underwear off together in one motion. He looks at you before he does, taking in your expression that is filled with shy anticipation, eyes traveling down your body next, stopping where his hands rest on your hips.

God, he feels like a virgin again with the way his hands tremble, the thought of you seeing you bare leaving him as nervous as it does excited. Why does his heart feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest? He’s eager, he knows that, and shyness still lingers, but there’s something else there that’s making his heart race out of control.

It’s because he loves you, if he had to guess. You turn him to putty, one look from you enough to reduce him to a mere puddle. He doubts you know the effect you have on him, as he’s spent so much time trying to hide it, but he doesn’t have to anymore. Jisung can love you fully now- no need to hold back, to push it aside, to try and disguise it as the platonic love between friends.

He can hold you in his arms, can feel your lips on his, can touch your bare skin, can put his all into making you as happy as you make him. He looks back at your face again, your expression is similar to his own. Eager trepidation written in your eyes, love and adoration lingering underneath.

Your eyes meet his once more, shy but certain, and you smile at him, the way you always have. A smile that makes his brain go fuzzy, that fills him with a sweet desire, that makes him whole. You, the brightest star in his galaxy, so beautiful and perfect, whom he once thought was out of reach but now sits in hands, radiating love and warmth.

If he is your Adonis, then you’re his Aphrodite; when you are together, the sun shines brighter, the world more vibrant, more beautiful, all because you’re there with him. He’ll love you until his last breath, and he knows you’ll do the same, a promise unspoken for now, but will one day leave him earnestly, down on one knee with a ring in hand.

“I love you,” he tells you as he leans down, kissing you before you can utter a reply, slowly pulling your clothing down your legs as he does. Jisung’s earnest admission, paired with his actions, makes the heat on your face flare and body tremble, hands coming up to cover your face once the kiss is over as an even more intense shyness settles over you.

“Love you too,” you mutter, face feeling impossibly hot. Sure, you already admitted it earlier, but it’s your first time hearing it from Jisung, and the fact that he’s saying it during an intimate moment while looking at you like that? Your heart simply can’t handle it. Peeking through your fingers, you can see him smiling as he carefully pushes your legs apart and it makes a whine unconsciously leave you.

“Baby,” his voice calls to you, and the use of the petname from him definitely does your heart no favors, “why are you covering your face? It’s just me.” “That’s the problem- it’s you,” you mumble, just barely managing to peel your hands away from your face to give him a pout. Doesn’t he know that the way you’re acting now is entirely his fault? It was much easier to push past your shyness when the focus was on him instead of you.

Jisung isn’t used to seeing this bashful side of you and God, it’s so cute that he might have fallen for you even harder than before (if that’s even possible.) He smiles again, and you swear this surge of confidence from him has to be illegal- because the effect it has on you is positively lethal. Han Jisung is going to be the death of you.

“You’re so wet,” he speaks softly in your ear, fingers rubbing through your folds and coating them in the proof of your excitement. “Jisung-” you whine once more, but before you can cover your face again, his other hand comes up to stop you. “Please let me see you. I need to know how you feel when I’m touching you. Okay, baby? Please.”

Fuck. How can you say no after hearing that? You concede with a nod, lowering your hands in a silent promise to do your best to look at him, to let him see you no matter how shy or overwhelmed you may get; because if it’s what Jisung wants, you’ll do your best to ensure he has it.

“Thank you,” he smiles as he gives you a quick peck on the lips, “in return I’ll make sure you feel so good. Are you ready?” You nod again, but quickly realize he wants you to actually say it, so you swallow down your nerves the best you can to allow yourself to speak. “Yes, I- I’m ready. Make me feel good, please.”

His two middle fingers press against your hole, using the tips of his fingers to check for any resistance before carefully pushing fully inside. His first motions are slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to the feeling of his fingers and observing you for any changes in expression. Your body jolts when he finds the spot inside you that makes you see stars, head falling back as an unintentionally loud moan escapes you.

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, eyes squeezing shut, whimpers and moans unable to be held back with the way his fingers repeatedly prod at your spot. “Does it feel good? You like how my fingers feel inside you?” He asks, and even though you can’t see the smile anymore, you can hear it. You nod repeatedly, mouth opening to try to tell him, though all that escapes you are embarrassingly loud sounds of pleasure.

“Can’t say it? That’s okay, your pussy is telling me everything I need to know. You’re squeezing my fingers so tight,” he says in your ear, pressing a kiss to your skin after. Oh, you liked that a lot- he can tell by the way you clench around his fingers, legs trembling and hands twisting the sheets beneath you. Maybe the fact that he talks a lot will be a good thing for once.

“You gonna cum soon? Want to cum all over my fingers? Go ahead baby, I want to see it, show me how good you feel.” “Oh my god, Ji-” you gasp; you’re so, so close- you just need one thing to finally push you over the edge. “K-Kiss, please, need a kiss,” you practically beg, looking at him with watery eyes and pouty lips.

Holy fuck, does that make him crumble. How could anything be simultaneously so cute and fucking hot? He leans down to meet your request, free hand moving to cup your face while his fingers continue their ministrations, and that’s all you need to finally come undone. Your entire body shakes, eyes rolling back as your release soaks his fingers. He keeps kissing you even as you come down from your high, letting you pull back for air as you please but always capturing your lips again as soon as he is able.

You whine when he finally slips his fingers out of you, watching shyly as he brings them to his mouth to lick clean. His eyes stay on yours the entire time, and it makes the heat on your face intensify beyond what you thought was possible. He kisses you once more when he’s finished, tongue coaxing you to open your mouth, both your tastes melding together on your tongues, just as he wanted.

He’s hard again too- you can feel his cock pressing against you, begging for more stimulation that you’re more than happy to give. “Ji-” you pull away from his lips to long enough to speak, “please fuck me.” He groans at your words, opening his eyes to look at you before he continues, “I will, I promise I’ll make you feel so good. But, I- I, uhm, I don’t have anything, I didn’t expect anything to happen, so..”

“That’s okay. I trust you Ji,” you reply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as you reach your hand to his face, “love you so much, just want you inside me.” He groans again, kissing you sweetly as he aligns himself with your entrance. “You’re sure?” he pulls away to ask first, “It’s okay to change your mind, I can run out and grab condoms and-”

You smile, shutting him up with a kiss before he can continue to ramble. You appreciate the offer, and the sweet consideration he has for you, but.. “I’m so sure, I promise. I want this.” He returns your smile when you pull away, reaching one of his hands to grab yours, squeezing it before intertwining your fingers together. “As long as you’re sure, I’ll give you everything you want,” he says, a promise that extends beyond just this moment- anything and everything he has to give, it’s yours for as long as you want it.

Jisung can’t help but let out a moan as he sinks inside you, eyes closing and head falling forward at the immediate overwhelming pleasure your body brings him. You squeeze his hand, your other one coming up to hold his face; you can feel the heat radiating off his cheek, can see the sweat that lingers on his brow and makes his hair stick to his forehead.

When he opens his eyes to look at you again, his stomach erupts in butterflies, heart squeezing in his chest. You’re just as sweaty as him, face flushed and hair disheveled, and yet it’s the most beautiful you’ve ever been- and you’re smiling; the pretty smile that always turns his brain to mush and snatches his breath away.

God, he can’t take it- he needs to calm down before the sight of you, paired with the mind-numbing pleasure that’s encompassing him, gives him a heart attack. "Sungie, are you okay?" you ask after a moment passes, concern growing on your face as you continue to hold his face in your hand.

"Fuck, y-yeah, I'm fine, I- I just.. this is so embarrassing, but I just like- need a minute," he admits almost breathlessly, as if even the act speaking to you is a struggle- and in a way it is, because all his concentration is being poured into not cumming just from seeing your pretty face, or your beautiful body underneath him while being squeezed by your walls.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere," you tell him sincerely, squeezing his hand in reassurance as you lean up to kiss him. You understand why he’s embarrassed, but you hope he knows that when he’s with you, he doesn’t have to be; you love him no matter what. Besides, you have to admit you like that you have such a profound effect on him. And while the kiss doesn’t help calm his heart by any means, he appreciates your sweetness endlessly, meeting your lips eagerly despite himself.

When his hips finally move, the sweet sound that pours from your lips sends a shiver through his entire body. He wants, needs, to hear it again, more and more, until his name is the only thing lingering on your tongue, the only thing you are capable of uttering between your pleasured moans. “So pretty, everything about you, your body, the sounds you make, so pretty,” he tells you, though his lips barely leave yours long enough to say it.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging just enough to draw a whine from him, and he knows he’s done for. Every sound, every touch, every glance, no matter how soft or how subtle drives him further into overwhelming bliss. He’s drowning in you, in the love and relief you offer him, lost in the abyss that is your care. He brings his hands to your legs, lifting them up and effectively folding you in half, aiming to find the spot that’ll have you crying out for him.

It only takes a few experimental thrusts to find it, and the way clench around him, voice ringing loudly in his ears as your legs tremble in his hold, it’s enough to make him want to cum right then and there. His pace quickens, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your body react to him, desperate to hold back his need to cum for as long as he can manage, just so he can have this view of you for a while longer.

But when you start to whine his name, when you breathlessly tell him you can feel him twitching inside you, can feel him so deep and how you feel so good- his restraint crumbles in an instant, falling apart for you far too easily. His hips stutter as he drills into you, thrusts becoming sloppy as he chases his high. You bring your fingers to your clit, rubbing in quick circles, wanting nothing more than to cum with the person you’ve loved your entire life.

"Oh my fucking god, feels so good, you feel so good, I- f-fuck, I can't-" he babbles against your skin, his high so dangerously close, but doing his best to hold it back just for you, so that you can cum together. “Baby, ‘m so close, gonna cum, want you to cum with me, please, please cum with me,” he begs, voice easily the most whiny and desperate you’ve ever heard it, and your body reacts almost instantly, as if his word was the command you needed to finally let go.

You use your free hand to pull him into a messy, open mouthed kiss, eyes rolling back as you finally cum on his cock and let him swallow every noise you make. Your entire body tenses and shudders, his cock twitching as you squeeze him tighter, pleasured groans and curses tumbling from his lips as cum shoots into you, fucking you through your shared highs. He continues to fuck you until overstimulation and sensitivity takes hold, his body trembling as he pulls out of you.

He promptly lies next to you, arms wasting no time in wrapping around you, hugging you closely to himself as the two of you collect your breath. You can’t help but smile as you look at him, and he does the same, his unwavering love and joy meeting your own. You recognize that you should probably get up, should clean up and get dressed now before your roommates get home, but you simply don’t want to.

You wiggle closer, pressing yourself against him, letting out a content sigh when his arms squeeze you tighter. You close your eyes for a moment, indulging in the security Jisung brings you, the love, the support, the safety of his touch, of his presence. He kisses the top of your head, meeting your cute, gentle smile with one of his own.

When he looks at you, and sees the pure, obvious love written in your eyes, he's not sure how he always missed it. You look at him the way he looks at you- like he holds your entire world in his hands, the sincerest form of love shining in every glance, bleeding into every touch. Your smile, sweet and content, eyes soft and full of adoration; they tell him everything. Even without words, he knows- you love him, now and always. A promise, unspoken but understood, that you'll always be together, that you'll always have each other.

Jisung takes his time now, to do all the things he imagined he would do if he was ever granted this moment; he holds you close, he plants kisses all over you, he tells you how pretty you are, how perfect and beautiful, until you're giggling, a cute pink blush spreading on your cheeks as you playfully tell him to stop. And when he does, and you look at him with your gleaming eyes and adorable smile, he tells you he loves you, just as he's always wanted to.

hello ! if you're here then thank you for reading ! the inspo for the events of this fic come from 2 love songs i used to listen to all the time when i was in middle school- white lines and red lights + darlin' by between the trees ! they're quite old now, so i wouldn't be surprised if these songs are obscure to people fdghdfg but if you look up the lyrics you'll definitely see where the inspo plays into the fic lol it's honestly not at all subtle :')

i had wanted to write a fic with those songs as a basis for YEARS but i never did cause other ideas i had took my priority. but this prompt felt like the perfect time to finally write the fic i had been envisioning for years so i'd like to say thank you to the people behind skzwritingcafe for giving me the inspo i needed to see this idea thru <3

#skzwritingcafe #skzsummertimeconfessions #skz x reader #jisung x reader #han x reader #skz smut #jisung smut #han smut #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fluff #literally uploading this at 4am i am going straight to bed after this :')#mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

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nothinggoodhappenscomics · 10 days

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Welcome to Nothing Good Happens: Comics

"A collection of comics that seldom end blissfully."

A woefully pessimistic comic blog, posting comics that never end well for anyone. If you're a fan of morbid consequences, karmic protagonist shortcomings, or rooting for the 'final girl' to make it; make yourself at home.

The content you'll find here is created by yours truly. Some are from my own imagination. Others are the product of prompts I've scraped from the corners of the internet (with all credit given). Want to see your own twisted tales come to fruition? Click the "Have a Comic Prompt?" button and submit your cruel ideas.

The stories span a variety of genres. Dark fantasy, liminal space, sci-fi, apocalypses; there's truly something for everyone. Tread with caution when reading; not all themes are for everyone. The beginning of each post will contain caution and trigger warnings, before proceeding into the story. No story will be exploitative or morally and ethically deplorable. Stories' caution warnings are coloured coded based on severity of the cautions;

No CW: No extreme or mild themes of mature content. Happy endings are still not present in these stories...

Light CW: Light themes of eeriness or suspense. Nothing graphic or overly descriptive.

Soft CW: Mature themes, such as mentions of death, mild violence, suspenseful or dangerous scenarios.

Hard CW: Mentions and descriptions of gore, bodily harm, psychological horror. These posts will also be spoilered with Tumblr's mature content option.

Caution warnings will also be provided in the tags of each story.

If you prefer reading words off a screen, please follow NGH Stories. The original Nothing Good Happens writing blog that started it all.

With that all being said and done...

Grab a warm drink, turns the lights off and enjoy reading.

...You remembered to lock the front door, right?

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perhaps-in-anotherdream · 1 year

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You’ll need the context of Victor’s Springtime Revival Date for the phone calls as they contain crucial references. So, make sure to read the event story and date first! ♡

⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for content yet to be released on the global server! ⌚

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

[Note]: The first call takes place during the 12 days separation period, and the second call happens after the date~ ♡

–

【1st Call】

Victor: It’s hardly been half an hour into the beginning of work time, and a certain someone already has the time to slack off?

MC: Victor, how did you find the time to call?

Victor: It’s break time for me now. In just ten minutes of not looking at my phone, over twenty messages have popped up.

Victor: When I clicked to see, it was either a bunch of emojis or a link to a short clip. You even changed your profile picture and sign on Moments within this time.

Victor: You said you were gonna go to the set to supervise, are these the things you planned on doing?

MC: Of course not. Actually, it’s because I’ve been stuck in traffic for an hour. I haven’t gotten to the set yet.

MC: From what it seems, I’m only five kilometers away. But the cars at the front are not moving at all. It seems there’s been a bump between two vehicles or something.

MC: If it weren’t for the equipment in the trunk, I would have gotten out of the car and walked on foot.

Victor: Dummy. Five kilometers is not a short distance, don’t be silly.

MC: I won’t. I was just saying. I’m fine, I was just a little bored, that’s all.

MC: But hearing your voice now, my fretful mind has already gotten a lot better! Are you still busy, though? I’m not holding you up, am I?

Victor: No. There are still fifteen minutes left before the next session starts, so I can keep you company for a while.

Victor: I’ve watched the video you sent me. When I get back, we can take pictures of Pudding in that similar model.

Victor: About the three pajamas, the duckling set is suitable for wearing at home, and the rabbit ear set is thicker in comparison, so it’s more suitable for going out to pick up the deliveries.

Victor: Also, the travel blog article is too long. So, I’ll read it after the meeting and tell you about it afterward.

MC: Victor, I’m so moved… you actually read every single message I sent carefully.

MC: Although you’ve always been like this, at this moment when I’m stuck in traffic, it has a special meaning for me!

Victor: …dummy. The desire to share comes from an emotional attachment, so of course, I won’t miss it.

MC: Hehe, I know~ To hear you say that like this, it feels like being stuck in traffic for an hour won’t be so bad.

MC: …ah! The car is moving.

Victor: Why do you sound so reluctant?

MC: Of course I do. I was clearly hoping that the car would start moving at once, but now I want to be stuck in traffic for five more minutes.

MC: Like this, I can talk to you a little longer. After all, you have meetings these days…

Victor: There’s no need to be depressed. The break schedule for this conference is reasonable, and there won’t be any lack of phone calls.

Victor: Alright, let’s get to work. The weather has been dry lately, so remember to drink plenty of water.

Victor: I’m hanging up now.

–

【2nd Call】

Victor: I got your email. There were about 1 GB of images, and it took me quite a while to go through them.

Victor: So you’ve been giggling all morning today looking at these pictures?

MC: Yup. I happened to stumble upon this website in the morning, where you can composite images using special techniques.

MC: Users can upload images and combine them with the resources from the public library to create special effects.

MC: So, I uploaded our photos to try it out.

Victor: The quality of most of the images is pretty good. Seems like the technology of this site is quite mature.

Victor: However, a certain someone better explain the “Cat Victor” folder to me.

MC: Hahaha, that’s the set I’ve combined with utmost care!

MC: Although Rembrandt-style and Picasso-style Victor each have their own artistic beauty, I still like the little kitty the best!

Victor: In your eyes, do I resemble these pictures?

MC: Yes! Look at the whiskers; it brings the feeling of a little bit of grandeur and reserve, a little bit of aloofness, and a little bit of insouciance…

MC: Don’t they resemble the cat Victor during the Evol abnormality?

–

[Tidbits]: MC is referring to their Interflowing Date~

–

Victor: I think you’ve been looking at electronic screens too much lately, and we need to have you see an ophthalmologist.

MC: Humph. If you don’t like it, I will enjoy these results all by myself from now on and won’t share them with you.

Victor: It’s okay. I don’t dislike it.

Victor: LFG invested in a pilot project a few years ago, and it had a similar image-processing technology.

Victor: The results of that project, however, are mainly used for historical research and medical guidance.

MC: I didn’t know that you’d already set foot even in this domain long ago…

Victor: I’m simply in charge of the investment decisions, not the specific operations.

Victor: Anyway, compared to those pretty pictures, I like this “old age” folder more.

Victor: The photos have a strong sense of realism and farsightedness.

MC: I like them too!

MC: Even though the generated “grandpa” Victor has wrinkles all over his face, he is still as handsome and prideful as ever~

Victor: Likewise. Even though a certain someone in the photos is old, she is still very cute.

MC: When I was looking at these photos, I was reminded of our nostalgic trip a few days ago.

MC: In the future, when we become old and gray, we will composite a few “back to youth” pictures!

Victor: There’s no need for that.

Victor: Every photo taken with you will be stored and backed up securely, so we won’t lose them.

Victor: If you want to “experience youth,” how about setting aside some time this weekend to go out with me and feel the spring?

───

#so if it were to be HDs it’d still be about 225/250+ images?? skdjdhdjdjf #THIS MAN ABOUT TO WRITE A WHOLE NEW DEFINITION OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONSIDERATE #also the second call reminded me of the proposal date fifty years call 🥺🫠#both calls have successfully made their way into my fav call list (the longer version lol) skdjdvhj 🥺🥺#mlqc victor #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc #mr love victor #mr love queen's choice #恋与制作人 #李泽言 #love and producer #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc translations

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rhythmantics · 2 years

Text

The Secret Saturdays Iceberg

Original iceberg here.

Jay Stephens’ answers on the Toonzone Forums here, his Insta here, blogspot here. List of comics here.

THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS!

“I watched a couple episodes while it was still airing”

What most people know about Secret Saturdays from having seen it a couple times when it was on. It’s a children’s cartoon.

Doc and Drew have an exchange that goes “when have I ever done anything rash or irresponsible?” “I keep a list. It’s alphabetized,” which has plagued incorrect quotes blogs for years. Many people know the quote without knowing the show it’s from.

“I watched it through to the end”

This tier is about stuff you know about how hard the show goes once you watch it through the first time.

All cryptids in the show are based on real-life cryptids, mythological creatures, or prehistoric animals: true with a single-digit number of exceptions. The TSS wiki has done a really good job of cataloguing them.

Children die on-screen: both Zak Monday AND Zak Saturday die on-screen. It’s great.

Sneople: nagas.

Clone: Francis is a fucking clone! Holy shit!

Fisk has actual dialogue: This one actually belongs in the “I followed Jay Stephens” tier, as he has revealed that Fisk is written actual lines in the script, which are then translated to “Fisk-speak” by the voice actor.

Cheechoo is Inuit / Beeman is autistic / It’s the glasses: Cheechoo wears traditional inuit sunglasses, and also references the far north of Canada as being his “ancestral home” and having grown up there.

Beeman, meanwhile, has a hard time picking up on social cues (”he’s a little rude to everybody,” Jay once said on the Toonzone forums, confirming that Beeman isn’t acting like that because he dislikes Zak or anything -- in fact, he acts the same way even when he’s actively trying to bond with Zak over his fake UFO footage), has a really good time watching hours of (what most consider boring) footage related to his particular interest, and his glasses are probably tinted pink to deal with photosensitivity, a common symptom.

Wadi is Bedouin: The Bedouin are nomadic Arab tribes that live in the desert. So, like. Yeah.

Last will and testament of a guy who drowned: Zak and Doyle find the titular will in the episode where a lake is trying to hunt and kill them, left behind by someone that the lake has previously hunted and killed.

DNA brothers: Do you guys remember the episode where Zak, Fisk, and Komodo all get spliced together? Was that fucked up or what

Forgot to put this one on there but do you guys remember when Argost dressed up in an SS uniform look-alike to taunt the Saturdays in Once More the Nightmare Factory? Incredible.

“I read some character analyses”

This tier is all about realizing the full implications of the stuff they show in this children’s cartoon where they can’t say the word “kill.”

Serial killer that keeps trophies: I think Van Rook literally expresses disgust over how Argost kept trophies during his yeti era. Incidentally, this means Van Rook has ALSO killed multiple people, since at least he doesn’t keep trophies, lol.

Doyle has probably killed people and is definitely a felon: Doyle is cut short before he can elaborate on how many places he has a criminal record; he’s definitely stolen priceless cultural artifacts and other goods well above the felony limit, he has a story he doesn’t give Zak the full details of because “then things get messy. Let’s just say the bird and I took care of it.” Not to mention how many times Zak’s parents stress to him that Doyle has lived a dirty life, and he’s done many bad, bad things. Doyle has killed people you can’t change my mind.

Doc was Drew’s rebound romance: Drew dated Van Rook in college, presumably broke up with him when she realized he was studying archaeology so that he could steal artifacts to sell, and later wound up with Doc. She’s in her 30′s-or-so according to Jay (while Doc is in his 40′s-or-so) and her kid is 11 at the start of the story. She’s a “trained archaeologist,” meaning she’s probably got a PhD after at least 5, 6 years of college (she's a genius, so I wouldn't be surprised if she got it sooner than the usual 8 years We know she's an archaeologist from the Field Guide). So there’s a reasonable buffer of a few years between her dating Van Rook and her meeting Doc while mountain-climbing (Doc mentions this is how they met in the blue tiger episode), so he’s not necessarily her rebound romance exactly, but it’s funnier to word it that way.

Doc really thought Munya killed his family: In Once More the Nightmare Factory, when Doc reaches Munya after being separated by his family, Munya takes the tokens with Doc’s family’s faces on them and throws them in the trash to taunt him. Doc proceeds to go berserk and kick Munya’s ass (and nearly choke that bitch Argost out), while screaming that Argost took “everything” from him. So they can’t, like, have Doc actually SAY “you killed my family, you bitch!” but that is definitely what he was thinking. I also want to note here that part of Doc’s specific baggage throughout the episode is that he blames himself for the 43 secret scientists that died the first time they tried to assault Weird World - people who were his colleagues, if not his friends - so just keep that in mind when Doyle comes in later to rub in Doc’s face how easy it is to break in.

On that note, RIP the 43 secret scientists that died the first time they tried to assault Weird World.

The nagas were really gonna let them die: In the Legion of Garuda, Zak tricks the nagas into letting him into their sanctum by having his parents fight the Secret Scientists above the river, while pretending to the nagas that he’s decided to switch sides because the humans won’t stop coming after him. The nagas let him in and promise to help his family, but once Zak is out of earshot, Rani Nagi tells her guards to leave Zaks’ parents to their fate. “Give the boy a tragedy to avenge.” Bruh.

RIP Von Finster: RIP to the scorpion man, who was definitely killed after Argost caught him to silence him since he knew things about Argost’s past. This is what they meant when they said that people who know things about Argost were “disappearing,” and why Von Finster was so scared.

RIP Mizuki’s body: why does Mizuki in hibagon’s body cry out in rage when he sees his human body crushed under the rubble? Because that body is actually a corpse, man! On that note, RIP Ulraj’s dad, forgot about that one.

RIP xing-xing: so apparently the xing-xing shows up in War of the Cryptids so I messed up on this one. Just replace it with Ulraj’s dad.

RIP Dr. Basil: Yeah Doc’s father figure is dead. Old age probably, but also maybe he was killed as retaliation for scrapping the genetic human/cryptid testing research.

Argost’s body count is so high holy shit: 43 secret scientists, Ulraj’s dad, Von Finster, Drew & Doyle’s parents, Zak Monday, and Zak Saturday - and that’s just the deaths we KNOW ABOUT!

Forgot to put this in there but damn the Legion of Garuda guy was seriously gonna kill Zak, like holy shit. So many people want this 11-12 year old boy dead

“I followed Jay Stephens”

This tier is all fun Word of God stuff if you happened to follow Jay Stephens while he was posting on the Toonzone forums while the show was running, from his old blogspot, or while he’s talking to people on instagram. I have a minor and not exhaustive collection of such postings here.

Smoke mirror is NOT a mirror universe / It’s just a shittier universe: According to Jay himself on the Toonzone forums, and in line with actual Aztec mythology, the Smoke Mirror world is NOT a mirror universe. Aztec cosmology states that the world has ended and been remade 4 times, each stint being represented by a different god as the sun, and we're currently on our fifth sun. "The Smoking Mirror" is an epithet used to refer to Tetzcatlipoca (whose temple the Smoke Mirror was found in), who had the dubious honor of being the first sun, and his sun was black and only shed half as much light as our current one, possibly related to how he was missing a leg. Thus, the Smoke Mirror is not a portal to a mirror dimension - the fandom just kind of assumed it was because that's the common trope, but Jay has explicitly said that it isn't one. Rather, the Smoke Mirror is a portal a world inspired by Tetzcatlipoca's sun, a darker and twisted world where everything is generally much worse. This is further enforced by the fact that the Wii/DS/PS2 game is literally about this myth, as the game is called “Beasts of the Fifth Sun.”

Screwed by the network: The show barely ever had reruns shown and was constantly having its timeslot shafted by sportsball. It was insanely hard to keep up with the show as new episodes came out and even harder to catch up on missed episodes, which was death for a show with such tight continuity. On top of that, season 2 was only ten episodes, which is NOT standard (season 1 had 26 episodes and a half-season would be 13), which means they had to cut more than half of season 2′s contents. You can really feel how rushed it is in the last three episodes.

Dodo???:

The executives at Discovery Kids had spent many hours telling me that my original Tutenstein designs were "too cute" and "too Casper", so, stubborn jerk that I am, I made sure to make this one even cuter. For inspiration, I went over my old Floyd Gottfredson Mickey Mouse comics... particularly the Seven Ghosts and Phantom Blot stuff... excellent, classic work. My idea was to update the 'funny animal mystery trio' by incorporating my love of Cryptozoology into the pitch. It went a little like this:"CRYPTIDS features a crack team of globe trotting cryptozoologists uniquely qualified for the job because they themselves were once cryptids! OKAPI, KOMODO, and MEGAMOUTH, along with their nine-year-old human mascot, FRANCIS, serve as a sort of anti-detective team. Scooting across land, sea, and air in their fantastic CAMPERCOPTER, their never-ending goal is to preserve the mystery of the world’s strangest creatures before they are exposed by humans… or destroyed by the Cryptids' nemesis, MONSIEUR DODO."I pitched it to a bunch of studios and got some interest, but, ultimately this incarnation went nowhere. Nobody 'got' the design, commenting that it looked like a kiddie show but read edgier. When I brought up the classic Floyd Gottfredson Micky Mouse adventure comics, I got blank stares. Not even Walt Disney Television Animation knew who or what I was talking about. Sigh... back to the drawing board.

Doc’s design was based on Harry Belafonte: Said on Jay’s Insta.

Doc and Drew canonically straight but everyone else is open season: Said on Jay’s Insta. FWIW Doyle gives me really strong bisexual energy.

Viral Marketing: The show’s initial ads were found footage-style short videos of horrific puppets of the show’s cryptid protagonists. I think they’re still up on youtube.

List of “hundreds” of creatures compiled for the show: Said on Jay’s Blogspot.

I forgot to mention this one, but Jay Stephens says that in-universe, cryptids aren’t just “creatures unproven to science,” but rather, “creatures that share a common, mystical bond.” It’s never said in-universe but I figured I’d let you guys know that this is what sets cryptids apart from regular animals.

Can’t “stay on the side of good” if show didn’t end how it ended: This is referring to how, according to Jay on the Toonzone forums, Zak losing his powers was the only way for him to firmly stay on the side of good. This is a very contentious opinion in the fanbase, but honestly, I kind of get it. By the end of the show, Zak has enough power to destroy human civilization within a week, anytime he feels like it, just by thinking about it. And he’s 13 years old. Humanity wouldn’t survive if he had, like, an emo phase when he turned 16. As long as he has that kind of unchecked power, there’s ALWAYS going to be doubt as to whether or not it’s safe to let him wander around, there’s ALWAYS going to be people who either want him dead for the good of mankind or want to use and manipulate him to their own ends, and - as we see in Return of Tsul’Kalu - he’s not immune to despair, as he literally says “if even the good cryptids think I’m destined for evil, I don’t know why I should even fight it anymore.” Even assuming Zak is incorruptibly “good” (which, again, we have evidence that he isn’t), at some point he’s going to have to start thinking about whether it’s his responsibility to police humanity. If people are illegally burning down the rainforests, and the government won’t do anything, wouldn’t Zak be morally obligated to do something extrajudicial about that? Where does that slippery slope end? So, like, honestly, I kind of agree. The only way for him to firmly stay on the side of good is for him to lose his incredible power, because you know what they say about absolute power.

“I have done a lot of research into the show”

This tier is about doing a bit of extraneous googling into tidbits that are brought up in the show. The cryptids all being based on real things is pretty common knowledge, but there’s so much more in this show that’s based on real stuff than that.

Drew’s fire sword is Manjushri’s khadga: Drew’s fire sword is based on the blade (khadga is the specific type of sword) that the bodhisattva Manjushri wields. It symbolizes wisdom, which cuts through duality and ignorance. And there are ones from Tibet (where Drew was raised) that look JUST LIKE the one in the show.

Tetzcatlipoca’s epithet was “The Smoking Mirror”: Most of this is covered in the previous section, but did you know that Tetzcatlipoca was considered the rival to Quetzalcoatl? This is especially interesting given that Quetzalcoatl is the feathered serpent, and Kur was believed to be a serpentine dragon (more on that later). I will also mention that Tetzcatlipoca transformed into a jaguar after Quetzalcoatl struck down his stint as sun, by the way. For fanart purposes, you know.

Garuda is a mythological Hindu figure: Garuda is a demigod in Hindu mythology that is depicted either as a giant bird resembling a kite (sea-eagle), or a bird furry. There’s a myth where he eats nagas. This is why the Legion of Garuda is named after him, and why the wizard guy summons a giant eagle illusion to scare off the nagas.

Kumari Kandam, Lemuria, Shangri-La Real: Kumari Kandam and Lemuria are two names for the same proposed (and disproven) sunken land bridge between the Indian subcontinent and Madagascar, which would’ve explained how monkeys got to Madagascar and became lemurs (hence the name). Due to some Hippie New Age Bull Shit, the survivors of Lemuria (often interchangeably used with Atlantis) moved to the Mt. Shasta region of California, where myths and legends of “lemurians” persist to this day. Shangri-La (the Lemurian homeland in the show) is unrelated to the two and is instead a fictional earthly paradise located in the Himalayas.

Dead Sea Scrolls reference: The scroll Wadi finds is definitely a reference to the Dead Sea Scrolls. Related to that,

Methuselah Tree Real: In real life, the methuselah tree is the oldest tree in the world, and - like in the show - its location is a carefully guarded secret. Not because it’s the font of all water in the world (a clear reference to the Norse myth of the World Tree and possibly a reference to the Zamzam Well), but to avoid vandalism, as we all know what people are like.

Inaccessible Island Real: Argost briefly mentions that they’re on Inaccessible Island before he steals Zak Monday’s powers. This is a real, shitty little island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Tomb of Kur Real: The Official Cryptid Field Guide lists the Tomb of Kur as the “Kohker Archaeological Site.” This is a real place, and is a temple dedicated to Shiva.

Library at Alexandria Real: The Library at Alexandria was a massive collection of books - every book brought into port at Alexandria would be copied, the copy stored in the library, and the original returned to its owner. Such a massive collection... all burned down. Tragic.

Naga fireball phenomenon Real: There’s a phenomenon that happens along the Mekong River where fireballs regularly erupt. The family goes looking for the naga using this phenomenon in the season 2 premier.

Mines set on fire that stay on fire for years Real: The mine that’s on fire in the bunyip episode is probably a reference to Burning Mountain, a mountain in Australia that has a fire under it that’s been burning for 6000 years. There’s many other such long-lived fires in the world.

Judaculla Rocks Real: The rock Zak damages in Return of Tsul’Kalu is the Judaculla rock, which is in the show the same as it is in real life - significant to the Cherokee people and associated with Tsul’Kalu, the Master of Game.

“Kur” used to refer to the first mythological dragon: So we now know that “Kur” referred to a TON of different things - the mountains, the lands, the people who came from the mountains, the netherworld, etc. HOWEVER, at the time, the main person writing about Kur attributed the word to a serpentine beast living at the bottom of the Netherworld, which he then called the first dragon ever depicted in human mythology. This has been more or less debunked now, but it’s what the show was using. Serpentine symbolism is used in the show to represent Kur - there’s a set of snakes on some of the doors in Kur’s tomb, and Kur’s most dedicated servants are sneople.

“I have done TOO MUCH research into the show.”

This tier is about my descent into madness. It covers research that wouldn’t normally be performed, supplementary material that very few people know about, etc.

Men of the Saturday family have biblical names: First we have Solomon Saturday and Zak Saturday, with Zak pretty obviously standing in for some variant of Zakariya/Zechariah. The prequel comics also give us an Elijah Saturday and a Samuel Saturday, so this is a very deliberate choice.

Solomon = “peace” but also associated with the Lesser Key of Solomon: The Lesser Key of Solomon is a famous demonology grimoire that lists several demons, their ranks, what they do, and how to summon them. A little bit like a cryptopedia.

Zak = Zakariya = “God Has Remembered”: That’s what his name means. And, like... kind of spooky considering Zak’s the reincarnation of a god. Now, while lots of spellings of this name exist, I prefer Zakariya. I think Doc initially would've wanted Zachariah/Zechariah because it's more biblical, but I also personally believe Drew (who speaks Arabic and is a white mom) would go for something a little more unique, compromising on the Arabic spelling. Plus, it has the K in it. Which I like. Though it would be in character for Zak to be Zachariah and shorten it with a K on purpose himself to look cooler. Either way, Zakariya/Zachariah/any of its variants is almost certainly what Zak is short for. Zechariah is also, famously, the last of the martyrs. And martyr himself Zak did!

Drew and Doyle are Gaelic / Ginger confirmed: Drew is albino so she wouldn’t have them but we were cheated out of Doyle with freckles. This is, incidentally, probably why Zak has freckles in the Ben10 crossover that I don’t like thinking about.

Wadi = riverbed that sometimes dries up: Wadi, noun. A valley, gully, or streambed in northern Africa and southwest Asia that remains dry except during the rainy season. It’s symbolism about the whole Eterno thing.

Short hair Drew: You guys want some concept art?

Zak’s name used to be Francis:

Abbey sold plundered relics to museums for money: Also from the prequel comics; Abbey was Zak’s favorite babysitter because she used to take him on wild wacky adventures... robbing tombs. And then selling the artifacts she’d find there to museums. Van Rook shows up and does a “not so different” on her for this. And he was sooo right!

Divining rod = Shiva’s trident: This fucking thing HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS

Because that’s not any “divining rod” or “dowsing rod” I know about! Well, GUESS WHAT.

It’s Shiva’s fucking trident. It symbolizes many different trinities, like “past/present/future” and “joy/compassion/love” and stuff. YEARS IT TOOK ME.

Kur is associated with the Hindu god Shiva, known as “The Destroyer”: Kur’s tomb is literally a temple dedicated to Shiva, one of Shiva's symbols is a cobra coiled around his neck (and Rani Nagi famously uses cobras to chat), and the divining rod used to find Kur is shaped like Shiva’s trishula. Furthermore, one of Shiva's aspects is the King of Beasts. So, like, yeah. The cobra tends to symbolize how Shiva has tamed the venomous ego, and his dominion over all animals on earth, so... they are making a really obvious parallel here. Rani Nagi even calls Kur “the destroyer” at one point! The clear implication of this association is both to more strongly enforce the idea that Kur is something divine, or seen as divine, and to cast its destruction in a more ambiguous light - Shiva may be the destroyer, but he is also the preserver, and in no iteration of Hinduism is he treated as an evil deity. Creation, preservation, and destruction is merely a natural cycle, one of the trinities represented by Shiva's trident. But it sure sucks for the people who are getting destroyed, so it's natural a creature whose existence IS destroying things would be viewed as "evil" or "bad" by the unfortunate species getting their asses kicked.

“These questions plague me deep into the night”

These are just questions that haunt me. Someone save me from this madness

#the secret saturdays #zak saturday #drew saturday #doc saturday #jay stephens

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