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#that and i’ll never see myself as pretty
moyazaika · 1 day
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SLASHER.
Being a slasher isn’t as fun as some people think, at least not for me. I’m not a fan of the screaming, the blood, the mess, the chase, the effort, the news reports about my murders, none of it. I just want to kill bastards who have done horrible things and move on with my life, under the radar.
Look. I get it. People with my murderous hobby send to be sadistic maniacs who love to chase and torment their victims. I don’t. I just go into their house, or wherever they are while they are sleeping and kill them. My method depends on the day and where they are. If they are sleeping next to someone else (spouse, roommate, or other) I’ll either wait until they get up to go to the bathroom or I’ll silently suffocate them or slit their throat. If they are sleeping along and no one else is around I’ll shoot them. And so on and so forth. 
My mask is pretty simple. A black mask with red mesh eye holes, they used to be white but with all the blood that it’s been covered in I can’t get the stains out anymore. My general slasher outfit is just an all black outfit that covers every inch of my skin. No dna and all that.
I don’t really fall into the slasher category where people are like “I could have never predicted this! They were such a great person!”. And it’s not because I give off murderer vibes…..at least not that I know of….it’s just because I don’t talk to people so there isn’t anyone to tell that to the police. 
I go outside, but I don’t go outside to make friends. I go out to buy food, clothes, make money, etc.
I’m not scared of people, for fucks sake I kill people, people are scared of me, not the other way around. I’m just……easily disappointed with my peers. I understand it’s hard to be a good person at times, and it’s not really my place to tell people how to be a good person when I kill someone every Saturday, but people should at least have the decency to not betray someone.
Some people are also WAY too loyal to their friends. Friends that say they would be their bestie’s alibi if they committed a crime, maybe even help hide the evidence.
I don’t want that type of friend. 
If I had a friend, I don’t want them lying for me. I don’t want them risking getting into legal trouble because of me. If they were to find out I was a slasher I want them to go to the police and report me. Doesn’t matter if they do or do not have evidence, report it. Even if I don’t’ get caught through that report I want them to report it. 
…I don’t really understand myself to be honest.
I have morals.
I have a consciousness.
I just……am detached from them at times.
Even when I talk about caring about my hypothetical friend…not wanting them to get in trouble with the police…I don’t really care…I just say and act like I do because I should care.
…I don’t really know if I’m a good or bad person anymore.
…I don’t even know why I’m writing this….what’s the point?...Despite what those articles say about journaling to get to know yourself better….nothing has changed….i’m just as detached as I was before….even talking about this isn’t completely true. I almost feel sad….but not really. It’s like I can touch the sadness through a glass barrier, but it never is truly touching me……I guess it doesn’t’ really matter. I’m not unhappy with my life, so I don’t see any reason to fix it.
The rich bastard I planned on killing woke up right before I stabbed him in the neck, so now I’m stuck chasing him around his mansion. He keeps screaming for his staff, calling them “lazy worthless idiots” and “good for nothings”. I started to wonder if I even had to pay them off to not help him. It wouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination to think that they just “didn’t hear anything” the night he died.
He ran around a corner but fell down before he could get out of my sight. Well, fell down wasn’t accurate since a second later I saw a man with his own mask on standing over him, clearly having pushed him.  He got on top of the man and started stabbing him. He screamed and the blood from his body started leaking and spread out on the floor. I took a few steps back so it wouldn’t get on my shoes, it’s a pain washing off blood.
When the new guy was done he sat on his legs and looked at me.
“oh….sorry…..didn’t know someone else was after him” he had a very monotone voice. I couldn’t tell if he really meant what he said or if he was trying to mock me.
“…it’s fine…..there were probably more people than just the two of us who were after him”
He nods and looks at the dead body.
“do you collect body parts or is he free game for me?”
“take whatever you like, I don’t like messes.”
He chuckled a little and lifted his knife towards the body. I walked away, hearing some of the cutting noises.
I keep seeing the new guy around the places I kill. Maybe he likes the area because I’m not killing him for killing in my territory like some other slashers. I don’t’ really care who kills in my area. A dead bastard is a dead bastard, I don’t really care if I killed them or someone else did. If anything I prefer if someone else does since I don’t have to clean anything.
“so….when did you start killing?”
“sir, I don’t kill people, and I’m insulted you think that.” I said with anger in my voice.
I don’t know how, but the police apparently have some evidence against me. But they aren’t good cops either, my luck is truly magical. 
The detective is clearly new. He walked in with his head held high and a superiority complex. When he looked at you, you knew he saw you as nothing but a stupid criminal that would get him a raise if he got you sentenced. But like all men with that type of ego, they lack something to actually back that up. It’s nothing but an act to try and make themselves feel more important than they actually are.
“listen, sweetheart, we all know you do, so it’s best if you tell us the truth. I don’t think you’re a cold blooded monster, something must have happened in your past that would have forced you to do this.” 
He spoke with that tone that you hear when a person tries to fake understanding. A slow speech with a fake sympathetic pitch.
This goes on for a while. The man doing a pathetic job at whatever he was trying to do.
It’s no wonder they haven’t caught me if this joke is on the team.
They planned to keep me in a cell for the night while they try to find enough evidence that would justify keeping me, but they get a call before they do that.
“it’s your lucky day, sweetheart, a friend of yours is picking you up. I’d cherish that if I were you, your days as a free woman are limited now that I’m on your tail.”
He smiled. Clearly thinking that everything he says is worthy of being quoted.
I don’t say anything.
A friend?
They walk me out the police station, a man waiting outside there…for me.
The two men guiding me smile at the man, not happy that he was the reason they had to release me, before patting me on the shoulder firmly and walking away.
“hello, again”
Oh…..it’s him…….
He didn't look like how I thought he would. I was expecting a man with dark hair, bored eyes, maybe a piercing or something.
Instead he looked like the son a mom would brag about being on the football team. Tan skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, if I had to take a guess his name is Chad.
A disappointment honestly.
...
How the fuck does he know who I am? 
How the fuck did he know I was here?
How the-
“hi….again” I say back.
He walked away to a car that was parked closest to the police station entrance and opened the door for me. I got in. Being a slasher has the perks of not worrying about your safety a lot.
He got in after and started driving.
“it’s honestly insulting that you got caught by a team that bad”
“they didn’t “catch” me. They just got a lucky lead and are trying to connect it with me. They had me there for four hours, and didn’t have a lick of proper evidence against me.”
He chuckled.
“……”
“..what? silent all of a sudden? You playing your “I have the right to remain silent” card with me?”
“ you sent in that lead…didn’t you?”
“…..”
I squinted at him in disgust. Even slashers can’t keep their fucking mouths shut.
“now, don’t get angry with me, pretty girl, let’s make a deal, hmm?” he smirked.
He mistakenly took my silence as an invitation to continue, but I wasn’t having it. I wasn’t listening to another word coming out of his mouth.
“the deal is quite simp-“
I opened the car door and jumped out. I landed hard on the pavement and got scratched up quite a bit, but nothing serious. It helps to have slasher plot armor. It’s quite hard to kill us.
I heard the car come to screeching stop, but he was already too late. I ran away, and got out of view.
I knew I’d see him again later. Just because the police were on to me didn’t mean I would stop killing, nor would I move to a different area.
Being a slasher is more work than it’s worth sometimes. 
-✨🥐anon (sorry for any typos! Forgot that I teased this to you and forgot about it, so I haven't really read this since.)
LOL when darling would rather jump out of the car than hear him out 😭😭
also the “it helps to have plot armour” line tooK ME OUTTHSHH i hope one day i can be a fraction as funny as your darlings are 💔💔
this is such a fantastic idea, and something new compared to the usual slasher x final girl trope yk?
thank you for sending this in! good stuff as always :)
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I’m probably not gonna tag this with anything so those who see it get to see it I guess, but uh… I’m probably gonna step away from Tumblr for a day or two? It feels weird posting my bullshit about my little OC’s rn in this exact moment, but also I didn’t want my most recent post to be the last post I have before I dip out for a few days, cause that’s not the vibe I want my online presence to have, so uh… what’s a history fact I can share-
Did you know that the term “Teddy Bear” was originally a political statement? “Teddy’s Bear” was a reference to a tied and wounded black bear that US President Theodore Roosevelt refused to shoot because it was “unsportsmanlike”, and the term (written with a nickname he notoriously hated) was intended to be satirizing his decision in the media by a political cartoonist of the time. It just so happened that a man who made stuffed animals (or maybe his wife did? I can’t remember) saw the newspaper comic and decided to dedicate one of their plush toys to the President, and his stance against hunting the trapped bear. After naming it “Teddy’s Bear”, that was the name that became associated with the common design of stuffed bear toy! I think someone made something similar in Germany at the same time but the name never stuck. But yeah that’s a cute little history story which I’m pretty sure is mostly historically accurate. There’s records and stuff I think, I just am not in the headspace to find them-
Anyway I hope you all enjoyed this little history fact for the meantime, I’ll be back to tumblr sooner or later :D
(edit: I did research cause I’m a nerd and can’t help myself. I found the cartoon, it’s was made by Clifford Berryman in 1902, and the stuffed toy was made by Morris and Rose Mitchtom, Russian-Jewish immigrants who lived and worked out of Brooklyn in the early 20th century)
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Hi✨ I would like to ask your opinion on something. My dom and I have been together for year and a half, most of our relationship has been online cuz we are from different cities and he has been dealing with a family situation. The thing is sex and sex play is on and off depending on everything going on in his life and I'm pretty okay with that but I have picked a pattern of his and I don't think I like it.
I have seen that we have seasons, seasons we play hard and seasons we play less. When we play hard sometimes we do it for weeks or even months but then he suggest something that for me is a hard no, at least while we're apart (is always the same thing) and I always suggest that we can try it in the future and that I'm not completely close to that, just that while we're apart I don't feel completely confortable. When he says that normally he suggests it 2 o 3 times more in very subtle way during the course of the week until I stop to explote. Then he says he's never going to suggest it again and then the sex decreases until even if I ask for permission to touch myself he doesn't really care so I stop asking for permission at all. And the the cycle starts again.
Yesterday was the day that I exploited cuz the particular punishment he suggested and even more for the lack of attention he was giving. Today I tried to have a very mature conversation about everything, we even completed an excel about kink compatibility. I said my part, he said his and for me I only said that I needed him to know me better to break me to the point were it was still safe for both of us, that I needed trust, confidence and devotion from his side so I could be fully submissive. He said he understood, that he will not suggest that again NEVER (so the cycle is complete) and that he didn't like that I was telling him what and what not to do, and that he also didn't like that we had to plan everything.
I don't know, I don't want to get through the cycle again, I'm just confused and really don't know what to do.
FYI in the compatability test he has way more "hard no" than me, even in things I would really love to try but even with that, I would never push him.
So this time I don't know that to do, I don't know if I should encourage more difficult conversations and try to solve this and wait for him to return home for good. He's going to return in one month (his family situation is finally solved). Or just give up all together. I know I'm no perfect and he's not perfect either but he always tries his best, he does research for me to feel more confortable, he always cares for me and he's always super respectful and in full control of himself. He always is, apart from this particular kink. So I really don't know what to do.
Any suggestions? I know this is way too much to ask
If you haven’t given him an opportunity to see and consider the pattern you’ve uncovered, then I feel like you should go the “difficult conversations” route. I mean, there are many signs of incompatibility here, so I’m not confident that talking is going to fix anything… but you’ll feel better about the decision to give up if you’ve ticked all the communicative boxes.
With that said:
I don’t want to project my personality and approach on to your guy, which just isn’t fair to either of you. But I’ve gotta say, this whole “I wanna do X… oh. No? How about now…? Really? I’ll bet you couldn’t do it correctly anyway, but… wow, thought that would work. What if I wear a funny hat while we— still no, huh? Okay then, behold as I selflessly and permanently abandon this thoroughly rejected idea until the next time I’m horny” thing is some real Little League nonsense, and both of you should expect more of him.
Let’s put aside the badgering and coercive vibes that everyone else on Tumblr will point out. Instead, I want to know where his goddamned pride has gone, and why both of you are okay with it disappearing.
Why the fuck is he repeatedly trying to pressure you into anything? He is —in theory— the leader of this two-person expedition, and leaders don’t nag or pout. Instead of wasting time trying to pester you into compliance, he could be showing you why he deserves to hear you beg for it.
It’s not your job to be the kind of girl who always agrees; it’s his job to be the kind of man you’d never refuse.
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Stark Tower Field Trip Rec
It seems like everybody has a Stark Tower Field Trip rec, and I just realized that I never made one. I know this trope is like, 5 years old, but I still find myself reading Stark Tower Field Trip fics today, so I’d figure I’d make my own rec of my favorites. So here they are!
Field Trips and Lab Days
By: BundiBirds
https://archiveofourown.org/works/32638660
Summary: What Peter’s trying to say is: he didn’t know that today’s tour group was going to be Midtown High. Ned knew, but didn’t say anything because he’s a traitor, and MJ knew, but didn’t say anything because she loves chaos, and look, the point is, Peter did not expect to glance up from the guts of one of Tony’s prototypes and come face to face with his entire class, staring at him through the glass.
My Comments: Yes, this is a field trip to Stark Tower fic. It’s a pretty nice short fic if you’re looking for a quick read. It doesn’t really have much of the “tour” part of Stark Industries, but more so of the class’s astonishment that Peter was telling the truth about the internship. You do need an AO3 account to read this fic.
Status: Complete
Length: 3,184 words
From Your Perspective, the World is Flat
By: Bleuh
https://archiveofourown.orgs/works/19835743
Summary: Peter successfully goes on a field trip, accidentally catches the school bleachers, survives a bus explosion, and reveals his identity as Spider-Man… Not necessarily in that order, much to the confusion of his entire decathlon team. 
My Comments: This is another field trip fic. And it is a Spider-Man reveal. This fic is pretty great, and I love the take they did on Peter being held hostage. I also love the relationship Peter has with the rest of the decathlon team. This is part of a series, so I’ll link that down below.
Status: Complete
Length: 18,378 words
Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1497719
Sequel: Peter Parker’s Guide to Secret Identity Fails -- https://archiveofourown.org/works/20798489
It’s Above My Clearance Level
By: Tsk
https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732231
Summary: In which Peter’s class goes on a field trip to Stark Tower, and no one knows why this kid has such a high clearance
My Comments: This here was actually the first Stark Tower Field Trip fic I read, and was what made me fall in love with the trope to begin with. It has everything you could want, with Peter knowing Friday, the classmates being nosy, and Flash’s reaction was just priceless. Plus it had a few additional details that I just loved.
Status: Complete
Length: 5,026 words
Air Force
By: Pomegranateboy
https://archiveofourown.org/works/18078857
Summary: Peter has never really had a good time on field trips, this one appears to be the exception.
My Comments: While this fic isn’t really a Stark Tower field trip fic, I do think it deserves a place on this rec. In this fic Peter and the class go to the air force and see Rhodey instead. And it has other additional gems in it, from Peter solving impossible equations and being a self defense prodigy. It’s really a delight all around that I highly recommend. 
Status: Complete
Length: 2,935 words
Peter’s Field Trip & More
By: Climbergirlio
https://archiveofown.org/works/17593775
Summary: Peter receives a permission slip for a field trip to the Avenger’s Compound. And that’s before a photo of him and Tony leaks, and before he starts a Stark Inter Twitter Account, and before Bucky bugs him and finds out his whole school thinks he’s a liar, and before Tony decides he’s going to prove Peter’s Internship is real, and before his school visits his second home. At least Peter has his crazy protective super-family to get him through it, though. 
My Comments: I think that the summary just about says it all. This fic has everything you could want from it. And I really love how they pulled the social media aspect into it. And not to mention Peter’s entire school thinking he was a liar and then eating their words. Overall this fic is just magnificent. I definitely recommend giving this one a read.
Status: Complete
Length: 14,751 words
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jorvikzelda · 1 year
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I started reading Lord of the Rings (bought Fellowship of the Ring like… last spring but never got around to starting) and I’d just like to say. Holy fuck what a slow book. You mean to tell me I’m over a hundred pages in and this man is only just leaving the Shire? Sign me up for MORE I love this shit. Tolkien said “I will take exactly as much time as I want to describe things and you will like it”. AND I DO
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shima-draws · 1 year
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I finished watching RTTE and I am. Emotional
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bunnimatsu · 3 months
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just a little vent because haha i like to complain about my life.
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fleshdyke · 10 months
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ahsgsjaugejwjg
#sh/sui warning for tags#been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/#which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk#idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me#and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything#but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time.#like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down#to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk#and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me#and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk.#and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt#one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around#the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a#second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk#i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to#and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared.#idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily.#i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of#thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk.#ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they#kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit#it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to#bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed#and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it#personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was#suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better#rambles#vent
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border-collie · 1 year
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danothan · 2 years
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saw art of pre-op trans masc viktor and jayce and immediately just started crying oh my god. not rbing it bc i lost the post through my tears and also bc it’s too much for me to look back on but holy shit, i love arcane artists.
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maschotch · 1 year
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hi again!
i am naturally ever so soft for emily prentiss but oh my GOODNESS that beautiful character study?
“there was always a sickening layer of sin over her skin” — my God. How painfully true. And she knows it too, the look on her face at the end of Demonology as she gazes up at the church with that little bit of blood trickling out her nose says it all. 😭
and is there anything more heartbreakingly accurate to described Hotch than “A calculated tenderness.” 🥺💛
i loved it 💛
- 🦢
ahhh this is so nice!!
i really don’t write emily as much as i should but it’s hard to convey her energy… soo much of her character is dependent on pg’s mouth movements delivery, and it’s hard to hit that sweet spot between free-spirited and caring
akhdksh i really didnt intend that sin part to be a reference.. i was actually a little reluctant bc im rarely willing to casually slip in some religious-type word, but “she felt icky” didnt seem to cover itskdjskhx but i like the parallel! i probably have more to say on emily and religion but i couldnt think of any other way to describe just how ingrained her regret is and how everythings shes done feels like a permanent stain that she can never wash off
“calculated tenderness” WAS intentional bc i feel like it really does encapsulate his behavior. hotch being reserved yet unabashed in his kindness is such a weird contradiction (which again id like to give credit to the actor for) but it suits him so well. he’s either afraid to feel or express his love, but he can’t help it. and i think each member of the team comes to realize the depth of his affection in their own time.. emily just happens to be incredibly observant, so i think she notices it the fastest (especially bc she witnessed it before she experienced it for herself). i could really talk ab this all day skdhskd
#ok see the reason i dont write character studies that often is because i can talk for sooooo long ab them#and i love talking about it so i love that you sent this ask—i just have to stop myself from writing an essay in response#it fucking sucks bc it seems like sometimes the team just… forgets that hotch cares and they have to relearn that all over again#which is some fucking bullshit#garcia does it the most—which is kinda odd tbh bc she tends to look on the bright side#she’s so brave and open about who she is but for some reason she’s insecure when it comes to hotch#even tho he’s never reprimanded her.. she thinks she’s constsntly disappointing him#reid forgets ab how much hotch cares pretty often but tbh its somethin he unintentionally does w everyone#he can get stuck in his own little bubble sometimes and i think he just? forgets that other people experience emotion?#(when i talk ab reid being emotionally immature this is always what im talking about)#derek forgets in his own way… like… he always knows that hotch cares for the team#he just forgets that that includes HIM#akdhskhd idk how it happens but its like he doesnt realize that he’s loved as an individual#emily does something similar… she recognizes that hotch cares ab the team (including her)#but she feels guilty about it#she subconsciously distances herself from the rest but its too late: hotch cares about her too#and i dont think hotch can stop caring once he starts#asks#n e ways. skipping the update today akdhsk i’ll either post two tomorrow or three on friday#ive got two exams tmrw so obviously instead of studying or writing i had to obsess over mob psycho#priorities
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heybaetae · 1 year
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itslouistomlinson · 1 year
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floral-hex · 9 months
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The growing anxiety of realizing that I’m running out of time to text my dad happy father’s day 😬
#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried#but I suppose that’s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept.#but I do love my dad. I just don’t know how to talk to him#haven’t texted him since my birthday in December#lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday#’thank you for helping conceive me’#okay yeah not that funny but like I said I don’t know how to talk to him#so being weird and trying to be funny is like ‘hey at least I’m putting some effort into my tri-annual text’#I just… I dunno… blegh… I have nothing to say about my life that isn’t shameful or depressing#but hey! at least I’m the one (1) kid he has that’ll actually text him!#pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but she’s… got her own shit I don’t need to weigh in on#whatever. he’s got his whole ‘beach life’ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ‘in a cool way’ BS going on so I don’t feel toooo bad#okay okay let’s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much#ugh… I’m a shitty son#or I’m not a shitty son but he really hasn’t done anything for me to avoid him like I do#just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but I’m negative about myself so I’ll focus on that#oh hey sorry I forgot this isn’t a therapy session#why would you read all of this?#sorry to everyone having a shitty father’s day#I’ll be your dad#I’m proud of you.#if you made it through the day today then I’m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb#you can ignore this#text
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starbuck · 1 year
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hello, my back is in excruciating pain for reasons unknown and i’m starting to think i should be taking something stronger than expired ibuprofen.
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fullandfairones · 1 year
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tried adhd medication for the first time in my life today and ??? i don’t want to speak too soon but it might be a game changer
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